#im sorry this is so late..im..just..bad..at this ;;;;
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I'll be quick
huening kai x fem!reader
synopsis: dress shopping with your boyfriend.
warnings: 🔞!!! slight exhibitionism, chubby reader implied, no protection, creampie mention, prob forgot some sorry
wc: 1.9k
an: thank you so much for requesting hp! im so nervous for you to read this lol I hope you like it if you don’t just put me down nicely :)) <3333
[m.list] [1kevent m.list]
“How about this one?” you ask, smoothing your hands down the front of the silk dress you wore. It was the kind of material that should not be worn with this type of underwear; your pantie line clearly visible. Your hands went sliding down over your ass as if that would make the buckled fabric disappear. “Ignore the fact I'm wearing the wrong panties,”
You give a slow spin in the fluorescent lights, the semicircle of mirrors reflecting every angle of your dress-clad figure at you. But all you can see is the damned line from your underwear. “Actually don't answer that, I hate it,”
“I love it,” Kai speaks up from his spot opposite the mirrors. He's leaning back with your purse in his lap, eyes tracing up and down your body as he watches the way the material clings to you. He can imagine the way it would feel under his fingers, sliding over the expanse of your thighs.
“You always say that,” you mutter, turning your cheek to look at the dress from the back. You can see Huening watching, eyes tacked right to the outline of your underwear. “Kai,”
“What?” he blinks up at you like he was caught. Cheeks flushed as he pulled your bag closer to his lap.
“Is it that bad?” It was late in the day, and your usual trip to the mall was fun. Both of you could spend hours going from shop to shop, no need to buy anything but to spend time together looking at all the new things in store. It was one of your favorite things to do.
Kai would follow you around like a little puppy, letting you pick out things for him to try on. Pulling him into dressing rooms so that he could get something new to wear. Spending too much time at the sunglasses wrack, spinning the display around and around, trying on each pair, first on you then on him, giggling over the silly reflective wraparound pairs. He loved when you picked out the different things for him to put on, especially jeans, your hands sliding into the back pockets to check their depth was always his favorite part.
You had your favorite spots at the food court, always picking the same little table every time you sat down, knees bumping as you picked over each other's meals. Kai would carry your drink while you tried on shoes, hold your bag when you tried on clothes. And most of the time having him along with you made shopping less overstimulating, you could have fun without rushing to just get the shopping over with.
Only now that you needed a dress for an event it felt like everything was crashing down at that very moment. Nothing felt right, every dress you tried on made it feel like you wouldn't find the one. The lights now make everything look too oversaturated, the dressing room is now cold enough to make goosebumps rise along your arms, and now the stupid panty line.
You didn't even know why you were so focused on finding the right outfit, it was a last minute decision to even go to the little dinner your friends were hosting. you didn't need something new but you wanted something new.
“Just take them off,” Kai suggests, sweet face glowing in the lights, every little mole dotting his skin easily seen.
The fitting rooms were in the back of the store, the long hallway sectioned off with several doors before ending right at the little platform with the mirrors you stood now. Although a few people milled around in the shop just past the corner no one was in the other changing rooms. He was suggesting an easy fix to the only problem you were having with the dress and so you took it. Even though the door to the room where you kept all your other clothes was open and waiting for you to go back inside, you just bent right there hands going up under your dress and hooking in the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down and off without lifting the dress to expose yourself.
Kai feels all the blood rush to his face, the prickling heat slinking through his bones. It was enough to already be thinking about undressing you, but now seeing you do most of the work for him, at his suggestion, was taking him out. You tossed the fabric into the dressing room, aiming for your pile of clothes but missing, the corner of the fabric still seen from where Kai's sitting.
“That's so much better,” you're back to sliding your hands down the silky fabric, flattening out any bumps to make sure it's lying right. You love the way it hugs your thighs, outlines the shape of your hips, the curves of your stomach, and lays against the swell of your chest. “Okay now just imagine it without a bra, I'll have to find something without straps,”
“It's uh- it's really nice,” you look over at him in his hesitation to find that he wasn't saying it just to appease you but was finding it hard to swallow back what he really wanted to say. He was doing exactly what you asked, picturing you naked under all that silk, he could see it falling to the floor, how easy it would be to slip right off of you. He pushed your purse closer to his growing bulge, cheeks flushing deeper when you asked, “Huening, are you blushing?”
He loved it when you used that slightly teasing tone on him, it was as if your fingers were brushing up his neck with each word. “I think that's the one,” he was avoiding directly drawing attention to your question, not needing to think about exactly why he’s red so that he can try and wish away his erection before you guys walk out of here.
“Okay, perfect. I don't think I want to even try on anymore ,anyways,” you step down from the little platform, “oh, do you think we could stop at the little candy store on the corner and get the gummies we shared last time?”
“Umhum,” he gives his usual hum in response as you close the door behind you.
It's only then that you realize that you can't undo the zipper by yourself, he had helped you do up the back with no problem and there was no way for you to reach up to grab the zipper on your own. “Kai? Could you help me take this off?”
It's the last thing he should be doing, he knows it as soon as he's in the dressing room with you, hand placed on your hip as he steadies you. You're just as soft as he expected, his free hand not even making it to the zipper. You watch him in the mirror in front of you, his eyes following his fingers as they make their way down gripping the outside of your thighs.“God, I love your body,” he groans, his head falling to your shoulder, lips dusting over your shoulder when you finally feel how hard he is. “You really like the dress huh?”
“No I just love you and need you, please I'll be quick,” he whines right at the back of your ear.
“Anyone could hear-”
“I'll be quiet, I promise, please,” and your slight nod is all he needs to push up the back of your dress, his hand pushing between your thighs, dragging his fingers through your fold, swirling over your clit to build up your arousal. You fall forward, hands bracing yourself on the mirror, kai readjusts so that one hand is splayed across your tummy, silk spilling through his fingers.
He’s quick to free himself from his jeans, pushing them down just enough so that he can line himself up with you, dragging his tip through your folds, catching at your entrance. You know yourself well enough to cover your mouth when he pushes in, the overwhelming stretch of him always making you whine. He's no better, his pretty face reflecting at you as his mouth opens in a silent moan when he fully seats himself inside you. His head falls into your shoulder so that he can muffle any sound that wants to escape, your back arching as his hold on your plushie hip tightens, fingers digging into the soft skin of your tummy.
Kais intoxicatingly deep inside you, his first thrust pulls a throaty whimper for you that you can't hold back. “This was a bad idea-” you try to whisper, cutting yourself off by clamping your hand back on your mouth when he slams his hips against your ass. His breath fanning over your ear when he whispers, “You feel fucking amazing,” his trapped whimpers rumbling his chest, all the vibrations pressed to your back. He peeks in the mirror, biting his lip when he watches the way your tits bounce, hanging perfectly in view for him, “fuck- look at you,”
His cock slides so effortlessly in and out of your needy cunt, warm fluttering walls drawing him in until he's forgetting he needs to be silent, that he shouldn't be pounding this hard, changing his orgasm so intensely that someone might hear him.
It's the soft clapping of skin that reminds you where you are, “slow down kai- we could- we could-,” but it's then that he uses the hand on your hip to slide under the bunched fabric of your dress, to draw circles on your clit. It was an instant shock that had your knees shaking.
“Who cares,” he's muttering, head shaking as he picks up his pace, “If anyone saw you dressed like this they would want to be right where I am, fuck, but they could never fuck you like I can, never,” his last word caught on the end of a whimper drawn out and pulled from him as he came.
It's the look on his face, brows tightening, eyes squeezing shut as he falls apart, mixed with his steady pressure on your clit that has you tumbling over the edge after him. Your whole body flexes as he pulls you in tight to him, hand leaving your stomach to clamp over your mouth.
Both of you are struggling to catch your breath in the now stuffy room, mirror fogged up from your hands, skin once chilled now inflamed with your post-sex afterglow. His cock still jerked even when he pulled out of you, his hand moving to try and stop the spill of your combined release. Your thighs try to close around the feeling of him brushing your sensitive clit while he leans down to pick up your discarded underwear, using them to clean you up.
He peppers kisses all along your cheeks bunching up the soiled fabric in his hand before unzipping your dress. “I really do love this dress on you,”
“Oh really? I couldn't tell,” you giggle, and he helps you get dressed, carrying your bags out after you, panties shoved into his back pocket.
When you leave the store you wrap an arm around his center, going underneath his jacket to feel all his warmth. He slinks his arms around your shoulder, tugging you into his side, pressing his lips to the top of your head. “Didn't I hear you say something about getting gummies?”
taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @seungfl0wer @lunesdesire want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask! thank you to @thetxtdevil @hmusunoo @hyukascampfire and @prince-jjae for proofreading/beta reading this for me ily all sm okay my little sweet baby angels I hope you get everything youve ever wanted in life and more
#cams!1kevent#cam!answersasks#huening kai x reader#hueningkai x reader#huening kai smut#huening kai hard hours#txt huening kai smut#txt x reader#txt smut#soobin#yeonjun#beomgyu#taehyun
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Honestly? Good anime imo! I really enjoyed Aileen. I enjoyed Claude. I enjoyed Isaac and Keith and Rachel and Almond and Ribbon. I enjoyed Belzebuth and the flock of ducks (Walt/Kyle/Auguste) and Jasper.
#i'm the villainess so i'm taming the final boss#aileen lauren d'autriche#hey so i love her and that show was really cute#i really enjoyed the interactions and despite the huge cast for a 12 episode show i was endeared to most of them#however im also just incredibly biased to liking side characters so you can have a small role and i love you#but i really enjoyed how things that happened in like episode 3 for instance w keith were resolved#BUT in a later episode he brings it up again and how he still felt guilty#and i just really like that while people do bad things it shows motives and stuff#and those that deserve forgiveness (keith) can get it even though it isnt like... full redemption cause he still holds it against himself#and then those that are undeserving get to go to prison in ep12#im on an otome kick lately bc i havent been able to game much due to low energy#but i managed to do some otome-ing#so then i was also like yeah time to watch an otome isekai bc im living up to my outed at work weeb life#get you a villainess who can cross dress for four episodes and dress up like a duck and kick butt#technically there is more of her boysona in more than the 4 but there are just like#5-8 she presents as a boy For The Plot#sorry this show has actually absorbed all my brain for a couple days if im honest#also i have like zero energy and probably will have low energy for the week bc holidays stress me out even tho#we do not really celebrate much at my house and its really casual#its just so much busier on the roads and driving is exhausting
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hope everyone is having is having a great week so far! 🥹✨
#sorry i havent been on much! life’s just a lil busy!#im too shy to put it in a post but everything with my masters has been settled 🥺#i got accepted into the school i wanted and just got my student visa granted the other day 🥺#(idk if i ever mentioned that i plan to study abroad for my masters! specifically where mr. sel is 🥺)#so i am slated to leave early next year 🥹 and i’ll be staying w mr. sel 🥺🥺🥺🥺#ldr is truly over !!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺#that is all auosnzidnjd so life lately has just been absorbing that and fixing things for the move!#along w spending time w him while he’s here 🥹#i was honestly considering going on semi hiatus 😭 but i still read a lot of fics anyway so… HAHAHA#i might take a lil writing break tho not sure 🥺 maybe just put less pressure on myself to post?#i feel really bad that i havent given attention to the fics of mine that i keep talking abt 😭 like all the series i have#and i wanna get back into reading a looooot 🥺 esp longer stuff 🥺 so lets see!#anyway ! how are all of youuuu!!!#i am currently rewatching a mingyu fancam LOL
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Born Too Late - Chapter 6
pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak
Warnings: MDNI!! soft/sad joel, angst, tension, drinking, idk what else, let me know if i missed something.
Summary: you break off the situationship and the feelings after it are overwhelming, for both you and Joel. (2.4k+)
a/n: idk what this is, i woke up ready to write and here we are. i feel like i suck at writing from both POVs so idk how frequently ill do it but i feel like it was necessary here. always a major thank u to my bestie raven for proofing and feeding the delusions and ideas. i love all feedback so if you have any, pls share.
p.s. there will be another thanksgiving chapter tonight hehe.
Master List - Chapter 5
*Joel’s POV*
You can feel the door slam and vibrate through your bones. The sound of the sink dripping reverberates through the entire house. You stand there in disbelief; in shock. You hadn’t fallen so hard for someone since Sarah's mom, and boy did she fuck that up. Did you come on too strong? Was it the fact that you have a child? A million thoughts run through your head, but none make any sense.
By 11:30, you’re on your 3rd glass of whiskey. You aren't drunk, but you're in a sweet spot of euphoria to combat the evening's prior feelings. You’re watching reruns of Bonanza and begin to doze, until the phone rings. You jump up, “maybe it's her” you think out loud. Answering with a burly “Hello?”, not even checking caller ID. “Hey brother. Bad news, Im down at county again got in a little-” “Goddamnit Tommy.” You say, standing up, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I know, I'm sorry. But if someones not here to get me within the next 30, I'm here all weekend.” Tommy says, sounding desperate. You don't say anything for a minute, trying to figure out if you should be his savior yet again or let him learn a lesson. “I'm on the way” you grunt, hanging up the phone before he can respond. You throw on your t-shirt and jeans from earlier, and they still smell like her. The sigh that escapes your mouth is guttural. Why do you have such strong feelings about someone you barely fucking know?
You grab your keys and pull the door behind you; locking only the bottom. You look towards her house and notice the lights are all off, except her bedroom. You see her reading in bed, her hair still up and her Texans sweatshirt bunched around her. The last time you looked in her window, something very different was happening. She was on the verge of losing herself to you. You feel your jeans twitch and get in your truck. It rumbles to life and you peel down the street, praying you make it to county before midnight.
*Reader’s POV*
You slam the door behind you, and tears are building in your eyes. You pause, hoping to hear the door open and for Joel to come running after you, but he doesn't. You kick your shoes off at the door and head straight to your room, not turning any lights on. You sit in silence for a few minutes, unsure of what emotions are about to pop out next. You shoot Penny a text, not even thinking about the time in Ireland.
You: Hey Pen, can you talk?
You throw yourself on your bed, clutching your phone and holding back tears.
*ding*
You pick up your phone, not sure who you want to text you more, Joel or Penny.
Penny: Respectfully, do you know what time it is here?!
You: I'm sorry Pen, I didn’t even realize. We can catch up tomorrow, just call me when you’re free. I’ll be home all day. As soon as you hit send, the phone rings.
“Hey Pen” you say, trying not to sound as upset as you are.
“Yellow, what's wrong?” She says, yawning.
“Nothing Pen, I just missed you!” You say, trying to sound cheery.
“Girl, it's like 10:30 at your house, I know you weren't just up thinking of me.”
So you spill. You tell her about how he spoke to you at the conference, and how he cooked you dinner. How he fucked you into oblivion again. By the end of your spiel, you’re in tears again.
“Okay so from what I can gather, you obviously like him. Right? Sooooo why did we cut this off? I don't understand the whole “Ethical Misconduct” if you’re both consenting adults?”
You sigh, sniffling. “It's complicated. I truly don’t think anything would happen, but since his daughter is in my class, I don't want it to look like I’d be favoring her. I just feel stuck. I feel stuck because hello- he's hot but hello- I also don't know anything about him except his name, and how he fucks. I just-” Penny cuts you off
“I think the best thing for you to do if you aren't going to pursue this, is to leave it alone. Don’t talk to him unless it involves his daughter. Don’t even look in his direction. I hate to see you so torn up over this, but if nothing can come of it, it's time to let it die.”
You mute the phone, letting out a sigh, and a whimper. You know Pennys right, and she only wants whats best for you. It's so fucking annoying being so far away from your best friend. You’d give anything to hug her right now.
“Hello?” she says. You unmute.
“Sorry Pen, I'm here.” You look at the clock. 11:18.
“Penny, I appreciate this, and you. I love you so so much, and I'm sorry for texting so early.” You say, giggling. “But I'm tired, and I want today to be over.”
“I'm always a phone call away Yellow. Always.”
“Love you Pen.” you say, hanging up.
You stand up and walk over to your bookshelf. Running your fingers along the spines, you look out the window, and all Joel's lights are off. You find your favorite, pulling it out and rubbing your fingers over the etched title. “The Picture of Dorian Gray”. You throw your blankets back and crawl into bed, turning on your bedside lamp. The room looks warm, but you’re freezing. Your tears begin flowing again and this time, they don't stop. You miss your friends and your family. You miss having someone to come home to, regardless of who it is.
It’s been a few weeks since you last talked to Joel and you feel the same as you did then. You’re craving his touch, and desperate for him to give you any ounce of attention. But he never does. If you’re ever outside when he is, he never looks your way. He doesn't smile, or wave. He keeps his head low and pretends you aren't there.
Sarah has come over a few times after learning you were neighbors, to get help with homework and you don't mind it. Making small talk with her about her other classes, her interests, and her family. Today, she came over and brought chocolate chip muffins. “I made these with my dad and Uncle Tommy! If they’re bad, it's because Uncle Tommy put way more chocolate chips than the recipe called for.” She says, laughing. “I'm sure they’re great Sarah,” you say, grabbing 2 plates from the cabinet. “How is Uncle Tommy?” you ask, genuinely. You like Tommy. Based on the few times you’ve met him, he seems like a nice guy. Handsome like his brother, but not quite your type. “He’s good! He and Dad just started working on some big project so they’re gone late sometimes…” She trails off. “Sarah, you are always welcome to come hang out if it gets late and no one is home!” You say, trying not to sound too worried. She smiles at you. You bite into your muffin. “Sarah, these are DELICIOUS!” you say excitedly. “Thanks,” she says with a smile. “So how is your dad? I haven't seen him in a while, but the big new project would explain that.” Sarah sits her muffin down. “He’s okay. He went on a date last weekend, but the woman was kinda weird. She came early when my mom was picking me up and started a fight with her while I was standing there.” “A date?” you say to yourself, trying to keep your emotions together. “I'm sorry that happened, Sarah,” you say, looking at her intently, trying to gauge her feelings. “It’s whatever. They’re going out again tonight so I don't think it bothered him too much.” She says, taking another bite of her muffin. “Uncle Tommy told me we could go roller skating so I should get home to get ready. Ill see you at school next week!” she says, putting her shoes on. “Bye Sarah! Have so much fun, and I cant wait to hear all about it on Monday!” you say, as she closes the door.
A date. A fucking date. 3 weeks ago he was practically begging you to cum for him and then stay the night, and now he's going on dates? What a fucking asshole.
*Joel’s POV*
It's been 3 weeks since you last spoke to her. Sarah realized you were neighbors so she's been spending lots of time with you, it's how you get your fix. Tommy noticed your shitty moods and finally cracked what's wrong.
“I knew you'd been seein’ someone! You ain't been that giddy since you met Sarah's mom.” Tommy pauses and begins again “Shes nice, the neighbor girl. What’d you do to fuck it up?”
You grab his collar, picking him up. “Do not ever compare her to Sarah's fucking egg donor. EVER,” you grunt, throwing him down. “And I didn’t do shit. We just weren't right for each other,” you say, walking away. “Let me introduce you to Maria’s friend, Celeste. She's kinda crazy but she's a looker!” Tommy says, laughing again. You groan. “Tommy, I don't need you playing matchmaker” you grunt, slinging his work belt at him, “now get your shit and let's go, we’re gonna be late.”
So much for Tommy not playing matchmaker. Its Sarah's weekend at her mom's and Tommy just informed you that Celeste is on the way. As long as Sarah’s mom is gone by the time she gets here, you think. You put on a pair of jeans, brown boots, and a T-shirt. “Sarah, your mom is gonna be here in 5 minutes, are you ready?” you yell down the hallway. “Yes dad, coming!” she says back. You grab your favorite flannel off the back of the couch.
“Alright honey, I’ll see you Tuesday after school. I have a big day on Monday so you’re gonna stay with your mom for an extra night.” You say, hugging Sarah in the driveway. “I love you”. “I love you too dad!” she replies, opening the door. Before she can get in, a silver Lexus peels up the street and right into your driveway. Celeste.
After an intense and fucking weird argument between your date and Sarah's mom, you both get into your truck. The silence is deafening. This woman is not your style at all, what the fuck Tommy?
The date goes well, so well that Celeste asks to see you a second time. You agree, unsure why. She's not you, Yellow. But maybe it's what you need. A change of pace.
While getting ready for your date, you realize you’re out of shampoo. Usually, you’d say fuck it, body wash can double. But you want to see her, you need to see her. So you throw on your sweats and head next door.
You knock lightly, hoping not to disturb her. She opens the door and your nose is suffocated with her scent. Lavender and eucalyptus. Her hair is lying natural, wavy, and flowy. You open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She looks gorgeous.
“Joel? Hello??” she says, obviously annoyed.
You snap back to reality. “Hey. I have a meeting tonight and realized I'm out of shampoo. Do you have any?” you now realize how fucking stupid that sounds. “Are you joking?” she says laughing. You smile. “No, I wish I-” She stops you, and her smile slowly turns into a frown. “You have some fucking nerve coming over here and asking me for shampoo, like we’re friends. You haven’t spoken to me in WEEKS. And then to lie about why you need it?” You look at her, dumbfounded. Like a deer in fucking headlights. “Joel, after your date, don't forget to go fuck yourself.” and she slams the door. Her words were sharp like a knife, cutting deep. You feel tears begin to well in your eyes and hear silent sobs through the door. You walk away before she sees you, also crying.
You call Celeste and tell her to just come to your house, you don't feel like going out. Around 7:30, you hear a car door shut. She knocks, gently. You open the door and there Celeste stands. She's wearing a long-sleeved black dress, with black heels. Her hair is curled and bounces with every step. Again, she's beautiful, but she isn't you, Yellow.
*Readers POV*
“Joel, after your date, don't forget to go fuck yourself.” you say, slamming the door in his face. You fall to the floor behind the door, letting your sobs escape. Not caring if he hears or not. What a fucking time for this to happen. Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks and Penny is stuck in Ireland doing research, your parents are visiting their friends in Spain for the holiday, and your siblings have their own families. You have never felt so alone in your life.
You spent the next few hours moping around the house, waiting for Penny's call. You watched Joel's date pull into the driveway. Her and her fucking Lexus and her bouncy hair and her fucking heels. You head to the fridge to find whatever intoxicating liquid you see first, but then you have a better idea. If he can have fun, you should too. You take a quick everything shower, spritz your favorite all over, and throw on a mini dress with some black heels. You call a taxi and grab your clutch.
The taxi pulls up a few minutes later. “The closest bar, please. One with music,” you say, and the taxi pulls off.
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#last of us#neighbor joel x reader#neighbor joel#cliffhanger#joel miller smut#pedro pascal#joel miller x you#the last of us#neighbor!joel#joel x reader#daddy joel#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#my writing#tlou#joel tlou
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How do you render your hair or just your style generally? I love the look and I've tried to emulate it/do something similar for YEARS now. Any tips? Anything is greatly appreciated :]
hi hi !! sorry to answer this so late ive been trying to set aside time to show !!! heres a video of me working in real time, so you can see the process of how ive been doing hair ! im bad with my words, so i figured a vid would be easier :]
#IM SORRY IF THISNISNT HELPFUL#ask#my art#artists on tumblr#digital artist#illustration#original art#digital drawing#drawing tutorial#tutorial#digital artwork#digital painting#art process#fantasy art#artist#digital art#artwork#art#oc artist
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hii, i hope youre doing well today and i was curious about some things about your ed (possible tw later?). I've been in your situation (somewhat, not to this extent) and am currently bul1mic with exercise as the form of purging/slowly healing idk. I wanted to know first of all how do you manage to burn more than 1k calories in a day because that is literally INSANE, I never thought that its possibls so I'm really really curious about your methods.
I also wanted to know your opinion on healing and the ed itself. Do you wish you never had one, do you hate counting c@ls, do you miss your life before the ed? Did it help you in any way (did you notice physical changes)? Are you experiencing any health problems because of it, are you dizzy or yellowish, have you ever fainted? Do you feel proud when skipping meals or anybody points out something ab the ed? Do you wish to heal but don't have the courage/will to, are you forced into healing, are you comfortable in the ed and want to continue and not start a healing process? How do you feel when you overeat or can't exercise the c@ls out? How do you feel about the future, do you wish to continue like so, do you wish to heal or neither of them?
I know it's A LOT of questions actually and I'm really sorry about it, I will explain now. When I was deep in my ed I never actually thought about it and what is going on with my life and I'm genuinely curious as to how it sounds and how my perspective was, I'm really trying not to offend you right now so please don't answer to anything if I'm offending you in any way!!
Hii I'm fine with any questions but damn that's alot (not in a negative way just alot of words and im bad at reading large groups of text)
First of all tw for ed stuff anyone that doesnt want to see this
with the burning 1k c4ls. my (almost) daily exercise typically burns around 500-700. secondly im a minor, im in school, pe is a legal requirement and that burns between 300-900 depending on what we do so combining those i can burn up to 1600 a day or if i do my normal stuff for twice as long that can also reach 1000 which i sometimes do on weekends when i have more time.
healing is something which if you want i highly encourage you get. i wish i had never gotten one, i wish i had never started counting c4ls, i wish i had spoken to someone before it got worse. i no longer feel like im able to get help and ive gotten myself to deep in the rabbit hole to get my mindset out so if you want help and its never to late then do it. get the help you need ill support you all the way.
i hate counting c4ls. i only eat in public when i have to and i always have to secretly look at the c4ls and hope nobody sees. ive written them on my hand afew times when theyre really random numbers and have been questioned about it so just had to lie to my friends which i hate doing. life before an ed fells like it would be so much more free and i would be more careless and do whatever i want without wondering how many c4ls in burning/gaining from that activity. if i could go back to when i started having an ed i absolutely would and change whatever i can to not end up like this.
the only physical symptom ive had is my stomach getting smaller but im waiting for the day my thighs / ass (idk what a more appropriate name would be) get smaller as they make me insecure. im not sure if its from having an ed but im almost always dizzy espescially when i stand up to fast. ive never fainted or been yellowed.
when i skip i dont feel proud more like im doing something correct and nobodys ever pointed out an ed but if they did i would deny it but secretly be proud someone noticed. i dont want to heal. i might have in the past but currently i have no plan to. i want to continue my ed without help. (my mindset is just 'if its a problem its your job to fix it' and i dont want to fix it). ive been put in counselling which has 6(i think) sessions left but if they think im really bad then i might be put in actual therapy. ive hinted about an ed with things like 'i often skip meals' and 'i just forget' or 'i dont have an appetite' and secretly hope they might catch on and get me help.
when i overeat or cant burn the c4ls i just feel sick and like im a failure. theres not really anything else i just feel bad and like i failed at having an ed. for the future my main goal is to reach my ugw and stay there getting lower if possible but not higher unless i really want help.
That was alot of questions but i feel like this is a place where i can talk about whatever(especially my ed) without anyone judging me or knowing who i am. im glad i could think about my ed on a deeper level other than just 'hmm weight be gone pls' so like thanks?? idk i hope i answered everything i might have missed a question. im always open to any question anyone has i just like talking to people and getting to know them.
#3d but not sheeren#ed blr#ed but not ed sheeran#tw @na#tw disordered thoughts#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#3d not sheeran#3ating d1sorder#3d blog#3ating disord3r#tw 3ating d1sorder#3d diary#disordered eating mention#tw eating issues#eating disoder trigger warning#tw ed implied#ed blogg#4anorexi4#4nor3xia#4norexla#tw 4n4rexia#4n4blr#4n4rexia#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#4n@diary#i just want to be thin#4ana#4n4m1a#tw ana rant
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suguru geto is DEFINITELY the type to just give you a light, dangerous smile, and then chuckle when you make jokes about his size and call him small. you wonder why he's not getting defensive like most men do. then later, when you're innocently sitting on his lap while with the rest of your friends, you feel it. when he sees your eyes widen in shock, he'll give you that smile again.
#sorry for all the thirst content lately y'all 😭#he's just sooooooo AHHHHHH#i need him so bad#suguru geto#geto thirst#jjk#posts by rey <3#i just know it's massive and it slaps his thigh when he walks#i promise i'll write smaus again soon once im over this damn cold
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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"You know, I've been catching myself smiling more lately."
🥺🥺 shadowheart is everything to me tbh,,, 💖💖
#Baldur's Gate 3#Shadowheart#Fanart#more late night doodles lmfao sorry yall the worms are going crazy#i need a kiss from her so bad tho im so serious#i think marrying shadowheart is exactly what i need to fix everything that gone wrong with me#beautiful gorgeous unstoppable incomprehensible#She's cooking up something so mysterious and intriguing i just KNOW it#honestly playing atp just to unlock more lore from her#Roach's Choice
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Sketches I did as samples for commissions :>
#hey#it's been a long time#i know#sorry im not as active here on tumblr anymore#i feel bad bc i really like this site#it's just that im to lazy to post here besides Instagram and tiktok#since i been doing a lot of traditional art lately#right know im working in commissions so#and last week was long tired and wild#hopefully#it's over now#but we only have to wait and see for now#rymin#infinity train#infinity train fanart#infinity train book 4#ryan akagi#min gi park#rymin fanart#my art
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REQUIRED READING for any noisecouple enjoyers: @manicplank 's "the colour pink" fic ITS SOOOO GOOD and i just had to do a little animation of their date.... so so so so cute i love them forever
gif version under the cut:
idk why it loses so much quality . kind of annoying but oh well
#pizza tower#my art#animation#noisecouple#noise x noisette#the noise pizza tower#noisette pizza tower#theodore noise#noisette#ok a couple of rambly things#number one i prommy their hair started off as black but i kept adding layers and it kinda turned brown and now its too late.#just pretend their hair is darker lol#secondly im genuinely so bad at understanding . words#so i may have interpreted the scene / outfits wrong but i tried my darndest#third of all i love them so much#and i loved every second of drawing this#FOURTH OF ALL sorry i have lots to say#i tried out the watercolour feature for the background of this one#so if it looks a little weeiiird thats cuz idk what im doing :)#ok thats all enjoy mwah
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mystery man but he was asleep and you scared him
#undertale#undertale spoilers#mystery man#gaster#sorry ive been replaying UT lately aagfjahjf#draws Dr. Wing Dings PhD to appease my inner 14 year old self#i just like how you go in the room and interact w him and it literally looks like you spooked him just as bad as he spooked you#he used to scare me sooo so bad when i was younger but now im just like oh its gaster my friend gaster#he looks so silly to me. uboacore faildoctor#scary 4th wall breaking weirdguy grandpa who might be the devil you will always be special to me#i cant wait for him to be completely absent and yet disconcertingly omnipresent in DR chapter 3
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Respectfully, anyone who believes that Roxas shouldn't have come back in kh3 is wrong and also doesn't know how to make a satisfying end to a characters narrative.
I could maybe forgive thinking Naminé or Xion shouldn't have returned, as they at least got to make the informed decision to return to their counterparts themselves. It would still be wrong but I can at least forgive it.
But Roxas? His entire story is about being allowed to be yourself regardless of what anyone else around you says you should be. It doesn't/shouldn't matter if he comes from Sora, because he is someone else entirely. It's his life, not Sora or anyone elses. Having a story like that end with him being violently forced to return to Sora when he doesn't even know anything about what's going on is flat out bad writing.
Did he accept that he had to die for Sora? Well, sure, but only after getting to beat him within an inch of his life. Only reason he accepts it is because he literally has no other choice but to. He can't keep clinging to the anger and misery at his circumstances forever.
And, you know, it probably helps that the person this was all for also fucking hates it. In no way is Sora happy about what happened to Roxas. Of course he'd bring him back, it's Sora. The situation is so unfair and tragic that having it end with him just staying in Sora forever would literally go against the essence of the entire series.
Kingdom Hearts is, at it's core, a series about bonds. Roxas was established basically immediately as having very important bonds! His best friend literally died for him! He has friends that don't even know it because it was another version of them, but they still feel that bond to him anyway! You really think they should've just thrown away a character whose bonds transcended the boundaries between data and reality just like that? Get real.
#sorry not sorry but roxas' narrative is genuinely so important and it baffles me that there are people who genuinely think he shouldnt have#come back in kh3#like dude do you just hate satisfying happy endings or what?#the ending that roxas got in kh2 is terrible#his entire everything in kh2 is terrible actually#the only one involved in that situation thats on his side (aside from axel but hes not counted)#is also the only one who couldnt do anything until it was too late#and like. in ddd roxas outright says that the reason he could be okay with this#is because its sora specifically#because sora *wouldnt* be okay with it#because hed actually care to do something to fix it#ansem the wise also says exactly that!#that the reason roxas could exist seperately to begin with is bc of soras love for other people!!!!!!#im rambling again but whatever. sometimes people have such astronomically bad takes that it astounds me#roxas#sora#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts 2#kh#kh2#xander rambles
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cw // stalking
DOL x SCP AU
KyLar ver. 1.0.0 - SCP- 1471 (EUCLID)
'Never settle for those awkward feelings of being alone ever again! KyLar is an exciting and interactive experience that will keep you engaged and intrigued! The anxiety of social situations can be nerve-wracking but after a few hours of KyLar, you will soon forget about all those painful emotions of disappointment! Remember, the more you participate, the more KyLar will engage with you! Your experience is completely up to you!'
SCP-1471 or also known as 'KyLar' is a free to download application for mobile devices made available on several well known online applications platforms including but are not limited to: Google Play and the Apple App Store. SCP-1471 has no listed developer and has the anomalous ability to not only bypass all approval process to be listed on the online application platforms but also can not be removed by any program removal application.
Once SCP-1471 is installed in a phone, it will begin to send pictures to the user through text messaging between every 3-6 hours. All pictures will contain some detail of SCP-1471-A, either located in the foreground or background. On the first day, the pictures containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that are usually frequented by users in the past. However, after 48 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that were recently visited by the user. After 72 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken of the user in real time, with shots of SCP-1471-A standing in the foreground, background or even behind the user at times. Users who have been exposed to SCP-1471 for more than 90 hours will begin to visualize or see SCP-1471-A in their peripheral vision and reflective surfaces.
SCP-1471-A has been described to be a short human male with pale skin, sunken eyes with dark eye bags and a mop of black messy unkempt hair. SCP-1471-A is always seen wearing very loose gray trousers and an oversized black hoodie. In some instances, SCP-1471-A would appear in some pictures holding a knife in one hand and some users have reported that the longer they take to respond to SCP-1471-A's pictures, he will look far more hostile and crazed in the next pictures. However, it is unclear if continued delay in response to these text messages would lead to a hostile encounter with the anomalous entity. So far, affected users, who have continued exposure to SCP-1471, had begun visualizing SCP-1471-A in real life, where SCP-1471-A would try to visually communicate with them in some way. However, all reported users have failed to understand or comprehend the meaning of these attempts.
The only way to reverse the anomalous effects that is occurring to the users will be to remove the users from the continuous exposure of the images completely before 90 hours have passed.
#dol x scp au#I'LL PROBABLY MAKE SOME MORE PROPER ENTRIES FOR THE LOVE INTERESTS SOON#cause i did tweak the SCPs a bit to better suit the DOL lore#but i do hope this is nice !!#im so sorry abt being late for halloween but literally on halloween#i could not post anything on my blog#like it was so bad and at some point i got kicked out as well#degrees of lewdity#dol#dol related#dol kylar#kylar the loner#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#for now have kylar !!! i thought of making him the first one cause i recall MalO the original SCP-1471#is not a very well known SCP? so I thought it'd be good to just type in their entry#im surprised they're not more famous because early on when i started my scp journey#i couldn't click on any scp video without ever hearing malo getting mentioned
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I'm sorry for posting this 2 weeks late but here it is!! This is the full canvas from the magma session hosted last 10/12!
Full pic: https://magma.com/shared/WaFnHaUsnz3LBsdsVv6RDS
Thanks so much to @doodlejoltik, @opossumonashelf, @kitsuroid, @sonikkuruzu, @protagpigeon, @owlmond, @plantollante (plus others I may have missed - lemme know so I can tag you!) for participating!! ;w; <3
#magma session#WAH the additional doodles at the bottom was a pleasant surprise to me :o!!#idk who made them since I left the board early but tysm for participating!!#if I missed your name & want to be tagged - feel free to let me know!#sorry this was late @_@....... I took a break during that weekend & the week after that I kept thinking abt streaming#bc the session was fun & I got a bit of confidence boost and thought maybe I can actually do it?#so i've been doing test streams the past weeks to see how it's like#it's not so bad I think!#the vid in this post is also a test stream actually & that's the overlay im gonna go with for now c:#no voice tho!! the chunky pika at the bottom is not my avatar or anything. he's just there to watch :)#anyways!! tysm again to those who joined the session! it was pretty fun ;w; <3#oh! if anyone's wondering I did the neopets x pokemon crossover doodles 😌
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Bernie Sanders finally made a statement, on Nov. 4, calling for a "pause" in the bombing. People in the replies are saying "better late than never!" and I don't even know where to start.
The genocide has been going on for almost a month. Over 9,000 men, women, and children have been murdered. Thousands more have been wounded. Members of press and healthcare and their families have been deliberately targeted and assassinated. Israel has been murdering civilians en masse with impunity for weeks, both lying about it and blatantly admitting to it. 100+ Palestinians have been murdered in the West Bank due to settler terrorism backed by the Israeli army.
In an interview, Dr. Ofer Cassif, the Knesset member who was suspended for calling for an end to Israeli violence against Palestinians, revealed that he'd reached out to Bernie months prior to Oct. 7th because of the pogroms being carried out by Israelis against Palestinians which he said would result with an "explosion [of violence]", but received no response.
what the fuck do you mean "better late than never". what the fuck do you mean? the genocide is still ongoing, and, just like Blinken, Biden, and every complicit ghoul, he's calling for a pause. not a ceasefire. a ceasefire is just the start of what needs to happen. but he hasn't even called for that.
"better late than never" what gives you the fucking right to say that? tell that to the 10,000 people who the U.S. and its allies allowed Israel to murder. tell that to the thousands of wounded. tell that to the thousands who have been displaced. tell that to the people of Gaza who have been without food, water, and fuel for WEEKS. tell that to the Palestinians in the West Bank who are being murdered at the hands of settler terrorists. tell that to the Palestinians who were abducted and tortured and released with blue bands around their ankles. tell that to the Palestinians in occupied Palestine who can't reach their families and friends. tell that to Palestinians in diaspora who have seen their families, their friends, their people slaughtered with the full backing and support of the vast majority of western governments and media.
"better late than never" no, it's not good enough. IT'S NOT. there are SO many people around the world - both citizens and members of government - who recognized the injustice for what it was the DAY the bombing started. we owe the Palestinian people so much more than that. "better late than never" the ONLY thing that could POSSIBLY begin to even "make up" for the horrors and injustices inflicted upon the Palestinian people for almost a century is to end the genocide, end the occupation, end the apartheid, end settler colonialism, and dismantle the colonial state. Palestinians deserve NO LESS than total emancipation. Complete liberation. until then, it is not and will never be enough.
#sorry for spiel i just. got so mad. 'better late than never' DO YOU SEE ANY PALESTINIANS SAYING THAT? I WONDER WHY!#also the idea that we can just 'forgive and forget' if a ceasefire is called is insane and out of the question.#there is NO going back to 'business as usual'. we CANNOT and should not expect things to 'how they were before'.#god. i just. USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also this is not like a total endorsement of cassif idk much about him im adding him in as a means to point to bernie's complicity#as far as im concerned bernie is just as complicit as everyone else.#if you are a bernie fan do NOT @ me i am NOT going to debate on this.#im sure hes not all evil nto all bad but it doesnt MATTER. he is COMPLICIT and that will not change. not for the rest of his LIFE.#people like tlaib and c. bush knew what was what within the first days of the bombing. theres no fucking excuse for his inaction!#AND I SAY ALL OF THIS AS SOMEONE WHO LIKED BERNIE.#📁.zip
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