#im sorry but i forgot i wrote that and now im c r y i n g

[mxtsuriluv]

kidnapping, alcohol, cursing, mentally abusive, age gap, sexual assault, assault/jerks, trauma, drama, hatred, enemies to lovers, mommy issues, daddy issues, suicide, self harming, drug abuse , written in lower case and so much more for those topics that are sensitive such as sa, suicide, etc i'll put a warning beforehand ! < 3

3 0  D A Y S T A N G L E D

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p l a y l i s t

  kohana lam - our memories in my pocket ft. riu domura

kohana lam - matching memories

.... t o  b e  c o n t i n u e

"One | c a n d o r

"sorry?"

everyone in the class exclaimed to the news their teacher relied on them. mr.aizawa sigh and was dumbfounded by his students reaction, i mean he at least expected his students to at least be happy? not to gave him a dull reaction. isn't this a good way for them to interact with eachother and get to know one another better so why are they acting like its the end of the world?

"well you guys don't look happy about it" mr.aizawa said as the students quickly shook their heads.

"were overjoy sensei! but why now? is there a sole purpose for this task?" kirishima asked as the others agreed to it.

"midnight though this was a good idea for you guys, think about it as taking a little break. im not sure why she suggested it now, nedless to say kids she's the one that choose your partner for this project. you guys are to stay with your partner for 30 days and get to know eachother better, matter of fact socialize with them more, and this would count as a big grade in your finals. anyone who objects would fail my class, i'm sure none of you have any problem with it"

"yes, mr.aizawa" everyone said.

satisfied with the answer, mr.aizawa in the chalkboard wrote down his students names and who will they be partner up with.

y/n was looking for her name and it seemed that mr.aizawa wrote their names based on the rows they were seated in. row a contained hagakure who got paired up with ojiro, then was bakugou who got paired up with ...yaoyorozu?, anyways next in line was midoryia who got paired up with uraraka

anddd finallyyy..... y/n with -

there's no way. some students were happy with who their partner was for this assignment and some were not. in this case y/n was not, like how could she? when her partner doesn't even like her and can't stand being in the same room as her!?

"oh! y/n is with..... todoroki!" mina exclaimed excited but worried at the same time.

upon hearing that the whole classroom stood silence. they all know that todoroki and yagi don't exactly get along, at least that's what it seems like.

"is there any way we can change our partners..." y/n said in a whisper but due to the quietness mr.Aizawa was able to hear it.

"you must stay with the partner you were assigned to"

and with that being said, the bell rang making everyone go towards their partner for the assigment, y/n made her way towards yaoyorozu and whisper to her.

"please switch partners with me yaomomo" y/n pleaded

"but you heard mr.aizawa.."

"he doesn't have to know, you and todoroki have more chemistry together so i don't see the big deal"

"c,chemistry?" yaoyorozu said slightly confused but flatter a little.

"oi, brat i don't like my partner as well but i'm sucking it up. it's not the end of the world, deal with it"

bakugou said as he grab the girl and drag her towards todoroki throwing her at him.

"if i find out you hurt her in any way, i'll destroy that angelic face of yours" bakugou said as he glared at him and then left, going towards yaoyorozu.

"forgot to mention, by the end of the project you guys need to write a summary about it and i want details in it, class dismissed"

todoroki quickly cleared his throat making y/n pulled away from him. both of them stood there awkwardly.

"uh, so what do you wanna do first?" y/n said as she look up to him meeting his stoic face and out of habit she started scratching herself on her neck, she usually does it when she's nervous.

"screw you" todoroki said and y/n stood there dumbfounded as he passed right through her leaving her alone for a moment.

'did he?... no. he did not just— ima kill that son of a bitch!'

and with that y/n started running after him. "hey! jackass!" y/n yelled making todoroki turned around with a sigh of annoyance only to be greeted with snow right onto his face. y/n had use her quirk against him.

"it's been two years todoroki, two damn years of this whole rivalries thing. i don't know why you despite me that much but please just go through this like a mature person so we can get the damn grade"

y/n said sternly as she look into the boys eyes, she wanted to have atleast a reaction out of him, but at the end she got nothing, she only got the same stoic dull face of his.

on the other hand todoroki was about to use his quirk against the girl and freeze her where she's standing and leave the building but she was right. the whole project thing was a grade at the end of the day and they needed to at least pretend they were getting a lot for some time.

he quickly glanced at the girl, golden hour had just set in illuminating the hallways with orange and yellowish tinges, and as well her. her skin look so soft under the hues of the light. todoroki suck in a breath, his classmate was attractive sure but shoto can't bring himself to accept the girl, for fuck sakes she's all might child.

and for that sole reason he doesn't want to be around the girl. all might is the whole reason his father created him in the first place, his whole existence he has been taught to become greater than him and beat him, so when he found out all might had a daughter he was determine to become greater than her and beat her at everything.

as second passed by, y/n grew irritated. she felt like she was making a full of herself and she didn't like that not one bit, biting the inside of her mouth she sigh.

"well each have a turn, one minute to say what we think about each other, what we feel towards one another, and then we'll put our differences aside and get this over with, deal?"

todoroki listened to the girl and slowly nodded as he saw y/n signaling him to go first.

"don't take this very personal but your not the brightest person out there. for someone who thinks so high of themselves i expected more from you yagi. those countless matches were we needed to compete, it seemed like you were always going so easy on me, seems like pithiness towards me. that's what i hate so much about you, remember our first encounter? heck you pushed me out of your way and didn't even apologize or anything you look back and stare at me for a second and walked away like if i was someone that was just wasting your time, like if i was a low life that couldn't, can't be compare to your level. i can't stand being in the same room as you... literally talking with you right now is making me want to puke, i would rather be alone in a room with mineta instead of being stuck here with you. you annoy me, every single word that comes out of you makes my head hurt and i wanna shove it right back at your mouth just to get you to shut up"

y/n had to put a finger on his mouth in order to shut him up, she back away and look slightly hurt.

"plus your all might's child and i'm endevours, our fathers have history of not liking one another it was bound to happened that we won't as well"

y/n just nodded towards him and slightly smile.

"haha did you had to be that honest with me? todoroki our first encounter was just a misunderstanding, i wasn't staring at you, i was staring behind you which so happened to be bakugou, he pissed me off that day. whatever i'm not here to explain myself."

and with a deep breath y/n took a look of the boy.

"let me prove you wrong during these 30 days ... just put up with my behavior for 30 days and if by the end of it you still don't like me we'll never talk to one another again or even acknowledge the other..deal?"

shoto slightly frowned to the girl but it wasn't really a bad deal so he agreed to it.

"you didn't got to say your part about how you feel about me"

"i have nothing to say to you todoroki, now let's pretend that we're the bested friends"

a groan left the boys mouth as he started following the girl back to the dorms. this project sure was going to impact their life's.

[belle-lilith-ia]

It is like the Gods have forgiv’n me for me sins. They send me an angel.

@styles-ia about @brighid-ia​

[calxide]

ABYSSAL LOVE ☆ ROUGH DRAFTS

these are the things that never saw the light of the day didn't made it in the story's final line-up. contains major spoilers !! also this is vv cringe and this is just me rambling

let's start off easy. they were originally supposed to be in highschool because i wanted scaramouche to be that 16 he/him typa guy on twt but i scratched that idea because it's stupid.

friend groups: ever wonder why y/n's friend group was named "explosive hoes"? that's because yoimiya (yoimiya, hu tao, and xiangling were all pyro characters so... ygwim??) was supposed to be included in their friend group but it was already big enough so i... kicked her out :((

the main conflict was supposed to be the miscommunication trope but i actually hate miscommunication and couldn't bear to write it (although, i will be doing that for my next smau/s) so i settled for the one you've read

scara and y/n were supposed to date then break up bc of a certain miscommunication/misunderstanding (i already considered the fatui high prob at that time but still) but i wasn't sure on how to execute it properly.

second lead — top contender *drum rolls* A L B E D O. i considered it, yk, i considered it but i scratched that idea because NOT EVERY FANFIC NEEDS A SECOND LEAD ig AND I'M GOING TO BE GIVING A CERTAIN CHARACTER THE SECOND LEAD SYNDROME IN MY KAZUHA SMAU (no, it's not albedo) but actually, its bc albedo was supposed to comfort y/n after the breakup with scara (yuck cringe ik) but i wanted the conflict to focus between scara and yn only so . . the idea was t r a s h e d

“WHAT WAS THAT AETHER X KAZUHA AND WHY DIDN'T THEY END UP TOGETHER?” ok, first of all, that was a last minute addition. i didn't made them end up together J U S T B E C A U S E. ok?? ok

the party childe held was also a last minute addition but i'm glad i wrote that lmao

also... have i ever mentioned that i didn't really thought of a title and i was playing spiral abyss atm so i thought, " why not a b y s s a l l o v e " yeah im p much stupid lol

i didn't even thought of this smau at all like ?? hellaur i don't even know how i finished this. but dw, i'm will be planning my next(?) smau veryyyy well because i will be hurting all of you with my kazuha smau.

i think that's all? not much rlly. here are my notes when writing abyssal love and yes they are very messy but i thought i should share them with all of you !

also dyk that i didn't even plot this shit because i didn't bother but like i said i'll do better on my next one mwa

after rereading my notes i am now shy and embarrassed but i will still post them here so i can delete them already. 🤩 also don't mind the small details like, "the sun rose" etc etc because that's just one of my way to piss myself of then actually write 'em properly Σ(Ｔ▽Ｔ;)

i never bothered updating the gdocs bc i was too lazy. and, i deleted some of my notes for the chapter outlines already because i might run out of storage :') yes i use very small fonts . . sorry

warnings: c r i n g e , the words "idk", "ok", and "listen" were used A LOT. i also forgot to remove the thingy that crosses them out whoops

[alycosworld]

Happy Birthday, Cotton! (a post for @simp-eee)

A/N: happy birthday!!! ik I already made some bday headcanons at your request, but I wanted to do something special for you because you're amazing!! (for anyone who's reading this and has no idea what's going on, it's 💕 anon or now 🧸 anon's bday)

I won't say too much, but this is basically some birthday voicelines that I wrote from your current favourite genshin characters!

Again, happy birthday and please enjoy!

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Baal:

Today is your birthday, Cotton? Well, I suppose we'll have to celebrate somehow. Ah...if I may ask, how would you usually commemorate today? You see, Yae wouldn't tell me anything, despite living among mortals for so long-- ah, yes, back to your birthday. Shall we start with my gift?

Hu Tao:

Happy birthday, Cotton! How do you wanna spend the day? We can do anything you like! We could start with some entertainment and maybe get some food-- ai-yah! I almost forgot about your present - just a little something I heard you wanted. Oh, and we're already preparing your funeral! Hehe, just joking! Although, people do tend to die around the same date as they're born...oh well, you can never be too prepared!

Kazuha:

Happy Birthday, Cotton. I hope you've been enjoying your day so far. I was giving birthday tradition some thought earlier, and while large parties with lots of people are fun, it's nice to have a private moment with someone, don't you think? On that note, I asked Captain Beidou if I could borrow the ship tonight...if you aren't busy, would you like to come along?

Albedo:

Happy Birthday, Cotton. I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of painting you a few days ago as your gift. I thought its be nice to capture your current state in a piece of art so you could look back at your progress for many birthdays to come. Under normal circumstances, I would've given this to you and returned to my research, but I think I can put it off for a little while. If you wouldn't mind me joining you, is there anything in particular you were hoping to do today?

Chongyun:

I was told it was your birthday today, Cotton. Along with that item I heard you mention a little while ago, I made you this charm. It should protect you from evil spirits until your next birthday, when I can give you another one. Ah-- but maybe I should stay with you to drive away any evil spirits, just for today.

Xingqiu:

Is it your birthday today, Cotton? If I recall correctly, there's a novel at Wanwen Bookhouse that tells the story of how a young boy was granted all his birthday wishes, so long as he was not alone on the day. If you don't have any previously arranged plans, I would be honoured to accompany you on the day of your birth. Who knows? I might be the key to granting all your birthday wishes!

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A/N: hope you enjoyed, cotton! They're short but I thought they might be a nice lil gift from a very grateful author. Also, I'm not sure exactly what time it is for you so im sorry if this post is a day early or late

Happy Birthday, Cotton!

[kitten-mafiagang]

Pretty Blue Flowers [Akaashi x Reader] Hanahaki AU!!

(Reader's pov)

Hi im (y/n) (l/n) from photography club and im not like the other girls in our class.Well many people doest really see me like im a ghost because im always the 2nd person on the background of the scene i guess..but i never knew someday ill be the main character...with a sad ending.

(At school)

I was running late to the photography club because m teacher just let me to some of the paperworks she suppose to do.

I opened the door panting.

"*pants* s-sorry im late Mitsuba..." i greeted my only friend mitsuba she is also at the photography club.

"(N/n)-chan!! we need to take some pics to every sports club today!! im assigned to the basketball club and you were assigned to the volleyball club!!" she cheered at me.

"Boys girls..?" i asked.

"boys" she replied.

"augh..this will be weird" i complained.

"Oh got to go now (n/n)-chan!! bye bye~" she left the club room.

'lets see whats interesting today...' i thought

(At the Gym)

Before i even opened the door i heard screams and noises.

"AKAAASHIIIIII" i opened the door and saw the boys in circle.

"Bokuto-sa-" the white haired ones cut him off.

"AKAASHI DONT TOSS TO ME AGAIN!!" he screamed.

I stood there and watched the small scene infront of me.The Black haired ones looked at me until.

"Look bokuto-san she got a camera i think shes from the photography club maybe shes here to take pictures of you as our ace.." the black haired ones pointed at me.

"e-eh?" i was confuse and all.

"R-REALLY?!" the white haired ones stood infront of me with a wide grin.The black haired ones looked at me and gives me the 'play along' looks.

"Y-YEAH!! Im here to takes pictures of the volleyball team most impoertantly the ace!" i smiled at him playing along.

(Timeskip after the picture taking)

After i took the pictures of the team,eh..mostly bokuto-senpai i hurried my way out silently not to attract attention.

"(l/n)-san.." akaashi-senpai called.

"a-akaashi-senpai what is it..?" i asked.

"You forgot this.." he handed me the camera.

"t-thanks akaashi-senpa-" he cut me off.

"Akaashi....call me akaashi" he said.

"o-oh ok then akaashi..."

Since that day i admired akaashi...ok not just admire i came up to love him.Its been days no weeks turn to months hanging out with bokuto and akaashi.

Until one day...

"(y/n)-chan!! Im right, right??!" bokuto screamed.

"Well yeah but arent great horned owls are indanger-" bokuto cut me off.

"AKAAASHIIII!!" bokuto called akaashi.

"Hey isnt that Miko-chan and akaashi-san...?" a student muttered.

"OH my god!! the two school prefect couples-" another one muttered.

Looking at the two i was suprised,akaashi has a girlfriend? are they really dating...? or its just mistunderstanding...

While i was in my deep thought i started to feel weird and itchy from my throat and i ran out of the scene and rushed to the bathroom.

"E-eh?! (y/n)-chan!!" bokuto-senpai called.

I ran out and rushed inside the bathroom and locked myself to a cubicle.I started to cough blood at the toilet bowl with few Pretty blue petals.

"F-flower...?" i was confuse and remembered what the two girls were talking about and i coughed more.

Its been a week since i was like this i also spit a whole flower which made me scared.

I searched up about this kind of symptoms,And i was suprise what pop out first 'Hanahaki disease' a disease for one sided love and also can cause death.

The whole night i was browsing how to remove this disease before it could kill me.There was two ways if i should take a operation or if the person i loved loves me back.

Well i dint tell my parents since they work in a different country...yeah i live alone.

(Timeskip at school)

(Akaashi's pov)

Its been a week since (y/n) was acting weird and it worries me and bokuto.She would always excuse herself whenever she sees me..is she avoiding me..?

did i do something...?

"Googmorning Miko-chan" I greeted Miko when i saw her at the hallways.

"Goodmorning too keiji-kun!!" she would call me by my first name always and it bothers me sometimes since people mistaken us couple.

I was about to walk forward when i saw (y/n) standing behind Miko.

"Keiji-kun what's wrong..?" Miko asked.

(Reader's pov)

They are couple!! First name basis...

It kinda saddens me so i decided to ran away from akaashi and Miko.I rushed at the bathroom and locked myself in a cubicle and starts vomiting and couching violently.

"T-thorns..?!" i was suprise this time i spit out a whole flower with thorns.

The whole day was very tiring so i decided not to go home yet since i could feel this is it.I went to the gym with my camera at my hands and i saw akaashi and bokuto practicing some cross shots and line shots.

When i was about to greet akaashi,Someone at my back shouted and ran inside.

"Keiji-kun!!" It was Miko she ran inside and greeted the two boys.

It pains me i could see his smile lingers from his face while talking to the cheerful Miko.Maybe i was the wrong thats right..Im just a background...a second person in the backline,I pulled my camera to take a picture of akaashi smiling.

Its a pretty smile...

As soon as Akaashi's pretty eyes glanced at mines i started to tear up and ran away.

I was at the school garden and saw the only blue flower at the flower pots.

I pulled my camera and take a shot of it..It was the same flower i always spit out its very pretty...like his eyes.

I went home and printed the picture out and started at it.

I wrote few words at the photo and went to bed.

"So this is how i end huh..."

"Well im glad i met you...Akaashi.." Everything turn black.

(At school)

(Akaashi's pov)

Its been two weeks since (y/n) dint go to school.I was heading to my classroom and saw few students holding few Blue flowers some of them have bouquet of white and blue roses.

I was confuse what happened? is there a event that i dint know?

I went to a classroom where few students where staring a table with many blue flowers and a pink haired female sobbing deeply.

"(N/N)-CHAAAAAAN~!!!" she sobbed more.Wait did she meant (n/n)..? as in (y/n)? i went closer to the table and putted my hands on her shoulder.

"What happened to (y/n)...?" i asked the pink haired female.

"A-akaashi-san?!" she was suprised.

"c-come ill explain!" she wiped her tears using her sweaters sleeves and dragged me out into the school garden.

"S-she...she has hanahaki.." she said blankly.

I knew the disease i heard about that before since some news channel shows victims of it.

"Who?" i asked her.

"what do you mean...?" she asked.

"who did she fell for...?" i asked.

"I dont know!! she only left one thing before she passed..." she pulled a photo and (y/n)'s camera.

"(n/n) would always take pictures of the most important things to her i dint get to see whats inside the camera but you could find it out yourself.." she said and ranned away maybe to her desk again.

I checked the photo of a Blue flower and something is written from the back of the picture.

'Pretty Blue Flowers' written behind it.

I soon checked her camera next and the first thing got my attention.

It was a picture of me tossing a ball and i checked more and there was me smiling when i was talking to Miko yesterday.

Did she like me....

I checked more things from the camera but theres nothing else important.

The only answer i got is

Pretty Blue Flowers....

[jedward5ever]

Jacob and Edward

hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that. 

setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet

edward: so what did you get for number 5?

Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it

edward: ok. why?

Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?

e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?

J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes

e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules

J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo

e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria

J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous

e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i  feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’

J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing

e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me

J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….

e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying

J: *mumbles something*

e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.

J: i said…..i….l...ll

e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT

j:......i….love……

e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*

J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*

e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*

J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……

e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?

J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot

e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth

J: what does it say man

e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it

J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...

e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on

Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*

LAMOAOAK

J: dude…...thats in the textbook????

e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…

J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….

e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook

J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha

e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u

J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?

e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*

J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS

J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..

e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again...  monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…

J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..

e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…

J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?

e: no… *intense eye contact*

J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different

e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then  accidentally looks down* bro… is that….

J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!

e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u

J: youre...attracted to me……

e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood

J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*

e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*

J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????

e: u tell me

J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have

e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs

J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then

e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways

J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick

e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….

J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck

e: well yeah more or less

the end

BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued

LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3

setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)

jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.

e: ugh. u again.

J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault

e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason

J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back

e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to

J:.........what do you mean…….

e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..

J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......

e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?

J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement

e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*

J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring

e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*

J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…

e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that  back right fucking now

J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?

e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*

J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though

andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.

J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…

e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that

J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us

e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*

J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me

e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*

J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan

e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what

J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..

e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…

J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other

e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…

J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too

e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*

J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid

e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…

J: *steps closer* make...me…..

e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…

J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me

a/n: how fucking close are they now huh  uhh like 3 ft apart ok

e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME

J: make me *smirks*

a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need

e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy

J: do it then…..

e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*

J: *dies*

e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*  

J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*

a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL

e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard

a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO

J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?

e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that

J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*

e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME

a/n IM CRYING HAHA

J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you

e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog

J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…

e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.

J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….

e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.

a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW

J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..

e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess

a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)

J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place

e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…

J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers

e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.

J: what man???

e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.

J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember

e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.

J: ……...how?

e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.

J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….

e: *squints at him* what.

J: we could……..you know…. ..

e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.

J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you

e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until  a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*

J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight

e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?

J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right

e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.

a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person

J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting

a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP

e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*

a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW

J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…

e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*

J: you don't have to look away…..

e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.

J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….

e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay

J: maybe…..but so are you…….

END

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon  except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye

dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue

setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions

J: so make yourself at home i guess…..

e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?

J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are

e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..

a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie  absolutely not

J;well like……...theres only one bed…

e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)

J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*

e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*

(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think

J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit

Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????

edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…

J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary

a/n: k so im billy now? If u want

billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*

edward: …

billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?

edward: .

J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go

e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now

(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)

(in jacobs room)

J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again

e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*

a/n HAHAHAHAHA

J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..

e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework

J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*

e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh

J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again

e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.

J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???

e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING

J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR

e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*

J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*

e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….

J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something

e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably

(but they on sacred land or smthn)

J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so  now what???

e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…

J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world

e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad

J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever

e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*

J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*

e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*

J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U

e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….

J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……

e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.

J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me

e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so  my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok

a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels

J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….

e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*

J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho

e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY

J: *dies*

e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.

J: *still dead*

e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.

J: *just a fucking corpse*

e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.

J: *not alive*

e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART  HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT

*continuing edward monologue*

e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*

(billy comes out from behind the house)

J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad

Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall

e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?

J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know

Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*

e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?

J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????

e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.

J: how…..???

e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….

J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????

e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .

J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???

e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food

J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian

e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*

J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo

(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)

e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke

ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS

J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*

e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr

J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something

e: . im tired. u get something for me.

J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit

e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.

J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some

BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all

k anyways continue

J; here take this eat up

a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right

e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom

J: feel better now?

e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom

J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……

e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk

a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good

J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????

e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food

J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit

e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*

J: *rolls eyes*......

e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.

J: *says nothing but keeps looking*

e: *slurp* u want some then?

J: absolutely not

e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here

J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting

e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*

(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)

a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post  YES

J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..

e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom

J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….

e: ur the one who hunted it.

J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks

e: what the fucks a mcdicks

J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..

e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…

J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh

e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again

J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want

e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what

J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???

e: do about what

J: me calling you small minded idiot

e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up

J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???

a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA

e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT

J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…

e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..

J: *steps closer* do it then

e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*

J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*

e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*

J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*

e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..

J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer

e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea

BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA

e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.

J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back

e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU

J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???

e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*

J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*

e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*

J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home

e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*

J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?

e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*

(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)

a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm

J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………

e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever

J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…

(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*

e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….

J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....

e: wait. do u hear that……..

(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)

bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys

a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW

J: uh…..who the fuck are you….

b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….

J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?

e: *uncomfotable.*

bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.

J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??

b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize

e: hhhhhhhhhh

J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??

bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*

e: wait…. u can’t

bella: y?

e: um……. bc….

J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….

e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?

b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)

J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?

bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e

e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT

bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*

J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……

(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS

e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT

J: …………*jumps at edward again*

e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*

(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)

e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE

J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……

(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)

e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!

bella: omg so cringe stop pls

J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……

(awake and unafraid asleep)

e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*

J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..

b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*

e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)

J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........

e: hmmmm,......  jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP

(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)

J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..

e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG

j:  *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….

(na na na is over and fades slowly bc  bella closes her mouth)

b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN

e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…

J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..

e: *checks him for wounds*

bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him

J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*

b: stay down. that’s an order u dog

e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH

(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)

J: ………..

(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)

b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend

e: *blushes* bro not right now

b: no seriously

e: …..

b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?

e: ….

b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition

(what is this condition lemme think)

b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child

e: ok (?)

(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)

e: *goes back to jacob* helo

J: are you ok…….what went down??????

e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that

J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??

(the mist rises)

e: ok…. can you even walk?

J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*

e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber

BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH

a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u

(jacobs room)

J: ok im fine stop worrying  

(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)

biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand  i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….

e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor

a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu

J: who…….

e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…

J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???

e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.

Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else

J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….

seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……

e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner

seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor

a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)

J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….

e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*

billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?

seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.

J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????

billy: JACOB (does he have  a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..

seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?

J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool

e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*

seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…

J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*

a;/n: lMFAO

(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)

e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*

billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible

seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um ….  ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me

e: *still staring at the wall* no

J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????

e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?

J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…

e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*

J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad

e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*

s: OH my fucking GOd  *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*

J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*

e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*

billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid

seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome

J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…

seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?

billy: *leaves*

J: so i think i need a real doctor now

s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*

J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?

e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.

J: bruh why not u said u would earlier

e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.

J: dude come here let me see your head

e: no

J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way

e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….

J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??

e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr

J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?

e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad

J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???

e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move

J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…

e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*

J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…

e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*

(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)

J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…

e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier

J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????

e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that

J: dude wtf…..why are you like this

e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …

J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner

e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*

J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me

e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.

J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know

BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING

e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit

J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell

e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN

J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that

e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?

a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that

J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole

e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that

J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????

e: u tell me

a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO  LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu

J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……

e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work

J: you could have just asked…..

e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*

J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???

e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)

J: *dies*

e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on

J: *still dead*

e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly

J: *dead*

e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that

J: idk man but its a banger tho

e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh

J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….

e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…

J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????

e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches

J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???

e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .

a/n IM CRYING

J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before

e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in

J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man

e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life

J: i get so many bitches u would not believe

e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone  and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u

J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close

e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*

J: *angerily silent*.......

e: *starts laughing* like……..  i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah

J; *still silent* …………………….

(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )

e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm

J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........

e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..

J: *mumbles* go get it then……

e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….

J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..

e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package

J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot

e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk

J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man

e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*

(billy and other wolf members: :|

J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf

e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*

J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you

e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally

J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much

e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*

J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????

e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…

J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….

e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*

J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones

J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down

e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*

J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*

e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage

BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge

Sorry bro ok bye

(now is morning)

e: *been watching tik toks all night long*

J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh

e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working

J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….

e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father  now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….

J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….

e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life

J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this

e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?

J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot

e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..

J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u

e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..

J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……

e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?

J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……

e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*

J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….

e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?

J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….

e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….

J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….

e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..

J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….

e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time

J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO

e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog

J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving

e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….

J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????

e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there

J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now

e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo

J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..

e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?

J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..

e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……

J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r  u always so fucking difficult

e: im not difficult bruh

J: u fucking r

e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway

J: alright sick

[starlight-parkers]

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y  a re  y o u                       a t t a c k i n g  m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS  

You: T H A N K  Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided,  I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You:  I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her  

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e  m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s  not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor:  D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE  T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky:  l e t  h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Kinda Not Gay (Craig x Reader)

A/N: so im not really that big into the Craig group (at least not as much as i am in love with Cartman and the gang), and i do know Creek is canon (love them sooo much), but this is a Craig x reader. I wrote it based off of another quote just for fun.

“He smiled, and all I could think was ‘Oh, shit’.”

-Unknown

Craig Tucker was a big, stupid jerk. Everyone knew that. I don’t know why I became his friend in the first place. Maybe it was because he hung out with my childhood friend Clyde, and I was miserably lonely. Or maybe it was because he bought me a cup of coffee in Tweak Bros. when I forgot my wallet. Maybe it was just because our personalities worked together.

I have to admit, as stupid as it sounds, I like him. I’ve had a crush on him for a long time, maybe three years. I know it’s not wrong to like him, and it’s not my fault, but I still fucking hate it. I hate having a crush on him because I know in no possible way will I ever have a chance with him.

He’s gay, Y/N, what the fuck.

I leaned on the heel of my palm as I listened to Clyde drone on about football at the diner, squished between Tweek and Craig. I don’t know how I got smushed between the two gay lovers, but it happened. I felt so awkward, sitting there beside my crush and his secret boyfriend. Was I going to die? No. Did I want to? Abso-fucking-lutely.

“Y/N, are you good?” Craig asked me, bored as always. I snapped out of my thoughts, realizing that I had a deep frown on my lips. That’s another thing I liked about Craig. As much as he hated everyone, he still took the time to check up on me and ask how I was doing when he thought something was up. He rarely did that with anyone else...well, besides Tweek.

I smiled over at him weakly, nodding with just barely enough energy to seem real. He sighed, snatching up my hand and yanking me out of the booth. A yelp escaped my mouth as I stumbled after him. He didn’t have to pull me that hard; I almost face planted into the corner of the table...idiot.

Clyde looked up at us and blinked in surprise. “Hey, where you guys going?”

“None of your business. Don’t follow,” Craig replied swiftly. He then proceeded to drag me further away from the booth. I didn’t mind his hold on my hand. In fact, it felt great. If not for the fact he was gay and I was totally getting the wrong idea.

He sat down in one of the two person tables by the window and urged me to sit across from him. “What’s wrong with you?”

“It’s nothing, Craig,” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “God, you always think something is wrong.” And he was always right. I would never admit to that though.

“Shut up. You know I’m right.”

I whined, turning to stare at him. He watched me impatiently for a reply, giving in to his demands. “Fine, you asshole, there is something bugging me.”

“What?” he questioned immediately.

I sent him a glare, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. “Why do you even care?”

He answered as if it were obvious, crossing his arms over his chest to mirror me. “Because you’re annoying when you pout like that.” To this, I stuck out my middle finger, receiving the crude gesture right back. “So, what’s it this time?”

I groaned, my cheeks turning red within a couple seconds. In all honesty, I was thinking about how much I wanted to make out with Craig right in that booth a few minutes ago, but I couldn’t just say that. What was I? Crazy?

 “It’s a guy.” It was an honest answer, but it only danced around the truth.

He smiled as he watched me curiously. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me, but if his smile wasn’t the most attractive thing I’ve ever seen...Dammit. He said, “What? He doesn’t like you back or something?”

“Not just that...He’s gay.”

“Really?”

“Yes! But don’t judge me! He’s a very good friend and he cares about me. I hate that I like him, but it happened,” I defended myself, my bottom lip sticking out in that famous pout that I was so famous for having. He only chuckled, rolling his eyes.

He rolled back his shoulders and looked out the window. “Gotta say, you liking a gay guy is better than you having a crush on Cartman or one of his friends.”

I placed a hand over my heart and gasped at his insulation. “I would never!”

We continued to talk in that little two person table for about an hour. I think we both forgot that our friends sat in the booth across the dining hall. I was just happy he was spending this time with me, and he didn’t seem to mind. By doing this, I was only digging my grave further. I would fall deeper into his eyes and his smile, and it would be the end of me.

Because...no matter how hard I tried, he would never feel the same way.

_________________

“So, Y/N, you gonna tell me who you like, or what?” Craig asked as we sat on the bus going home. He leaned up against my shoulder impatiently once again, trying to pressure me into telling him. No matter how hard he tried, or how many times he asked, I was definitely NOT going to tell him.

Simple as that.

I rolled my eyes, leaning further against the window and hugging my bag to my chest. “God, Craig, what are you? Twelve years old? Stop asking,” I scolded him. He sighed, giving up and leaning back into the hard bus seat. Ever since I told him I liked that guy, he’s been asking me every day who it was, and when I didn’t tell him, he would act like I offended him or something. It was irritating, but tolerable.

I decided to turn the tables.

“Craig, do you like someone?”

He was surprised at the question. He turned to me, his eyes wider than usual. He definitely had not expected me to retaliate like that. Maybe now he would understand how annoying it was when someone bothers you about your crush all the time.

“Yeah. So what?” he replied gruffly, turning his face to glare at the walkway on the ground.

I smirked and leaned closer, my face warily close to his. I could feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks as his face reddened. “Who?” I teased, my breaths hitting his ear. He was gay, so I knew this probably wouldn’t bother him. If I’d done this kinda thing to Clyde or Token, they would probably get the wrong idea.

He blushed, probably thinking about his crush and how much he loved them. Of course, I knew he liked Tweek, I was just messing with him to give him a taste of his own medicine.

“Fuck you, Y/N. I’m not telling you.”

I hummed, the smirk still resting on my lips. “Uh huh. So why do I have to tell you who I like?”

“Shut up. I’ll tell you eventually, just not right now. I’m not sure of myself yet.” Oh, so he was unsure about his sexuality. That was pretty obvious. Still, I just wanted him to say it so I could get over this miserable crush. I mean, I know he’s into Tweek deep down, but I needed him to say it to fully feel the rejection.

I tossed my arm over his shoulders and poked at his cheek. He flashed me the bird once again, and I sent on right back, the smile only growing on my cheeks. He turned a shade red darker, and I laughed harder. Damn, he must really be embarrassed about his crush.

He should be happy. At least he had a chance, unlike my dumb ass.

______________________

It was late, about nine, just before closing. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think about anything except for my terrible, awful crush on my best friend. Alone, I sat at the corner booth in Tweak Bros., exhausted and reading the label on my coffee cup, which was turning cold as the time passed.

The sun had set two hours ago, and that left me in the dark, my face illuminated by the hanging light above the booth. Dim and yellow.

As I was staring down at the table, my palms circling the cup to ease the shaking of my hands, Tweek sat across from me, his own cup of special coffee in his trembling fingers. “Y/N, y-you okay? Y-you aren’t u-usually here this late?” he jittered, making my eyes lift to look into his own. He was such a sweet kid, and as much as I detested his relationship with Craig, I could never bring myself to dislike him.

I smiled at him, but I felt like I was going to cry. “I’m fine. Just can’t be at home right now, I guess…”

“O-oh. Why?”

“I have someone on my mind,” I confessed without hesitation. Tweek would never tell anyone I had a crush on someone. He was a good friend like that. A real bro, you could say. The smile on my face started to fade as I pressed my cheek to the palm of my hand. “You know, a stupid crush.”

He smiled nervously. “R-really? You-you like him that much?” he asked.

I frowned, turning my face away from him to look out the window at the nearly empty streets. Not many people were out this late on a Tuesday night. I was already consumed by this damn infatuation for Craig, so I wasn’t afraid to say it. “Yeah. I think I’m falling hard for him,” I whispered, as painful as it was to let those words drip from my tongue out into the open.

“Is it Craig?”

My head snapped up to look at him, fear plain in my expression. How had he guessed that so quickly? Did he know something I didn’t? Was he suspecting this the entire time? Was he jealous I liked his boyfriend, and wanted to scold me for it? I didn’t understand how this could be happening, and my chest rose and fell heavier than before.

“Tweek, what-”

“C-clyde and Token make fun of C-craig all the time because t-they think y-you two are dating or-or something,” he explained himself, his fingers anxiously wrapping tighter around the styrofoam cup in his grip.

At this point, I was scared. What if he was angry at me for doing this? For creating these rumors that his lover was interested in someone else, his good friend at that. I felt my chest tighten at the messy situation I was thrown into so quickly.

“Listen, Tweek, I’m really sorry. I swear, I’m not trying to steal your boyfriend from you. I’ve been trying to smother this crush, but I just-”

“Craig and I a-aren’t dating! W-We tried, but it didn’t work,” he clarified, giving me a wide eyed stare. “He-he said he liked someone else.” I stared back at him for a long time. We were both silent, except for the shaking of our hands and the soft taps of rain hitting the window  beside us.

I opened my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. Tweek and Craig weren’t in love with each other. They weren’t dating, More importantly, Craig liked someone else.

Maybe, just maybe, I was that someone.

Slowly, I slipped out of the booth and stood up, my eyes staring down at my shoes. I mustered out a few robotic words, my mind too focused on the new possibility. “Thank you, Tweek. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I had a chance. Even if it was barely there, a shot in the dark, I actually had a chance.

______________________

I sat curled up in the car beside Craig, who was driving the two of us to a fair out of town that his mother was working. She told us that we had to be there are around one, since that was the time if opened to the public. She left early in the morning though to start set up. That meant it was just the two of us, alone in his dad’s truck, the radio droning on through the silence.

He peered over at me for a moment, and then back to the road. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m fine. Just thinking,” I brushed off his question, even though I knew he was going to force me to elaborate. He always did that.

He hummed, “About what?”

“You.”

He froze for a second, but tried to play it off a moment later as casually as he could. But he sounded nervous, nonetheless. “Me?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Tweek said you liked someone. I know you said you wouldn’t tell me, but I really want to know.”

I didn’t think he would give in to my request, but when he sighed and spoke up, I was more than shocked. I was pleased that he was confiding in me, but the impending doom that lingered in the rejection I would face left me torn. “I’ll tell you about her, and if you guess right, I’ll let you know.”

Her. He liked a girl. My theory this entire time was wrong. There was a tiny chance for me left.

“Okay.”

He took a breath as he made a right turn on an empty street. “She’s got h/c hair and e/c eyes. She’s friends with all my friends. We hang out all the time, and I’ve known her for so fucking long I can’t even remember how we met. She’s really moody and confusing, but she tells good jokes. She doesn’t get mad when I flip her off either,” he told me, smiling as he did so. “She’s really my best friend, as fucking sappy as that sounds…”

I looked down at my hands in my lap and thought for a long moment. I didn’t want to sound conceited, nor did I want to assume anything based on my own bias, but I really had this gut feeling.  “Craig...are you talking about me?” It was so tentative, my question. I waited for a reply as I watched his expression turn crestfallen.

“Shit, you’re a good guesser,” he chuckled awkwardly.

“I really like you, too. I’ve always liked you.”

He stopped the car, pulling to the side of the road. His eyes were wide, and he had to stop himself from smiling like a damn idiot. “Y/N, are you serious?”

“Why would I lie about this?” I stared at him, and he looked right back into my eyes. I felt like there was so much to say, but I was too overwhelmed to say a thing. He bit his lip, his eyes trailing to my own. Subconsciously, my tongue ran across my lips, and he turned a deeper red.

“Y/N, I want to kiss you so bad right now,” he breathed. I couldn’t move a muscle as he leaned close to me, only an inch between us. His hot breath hit my lips, and he teasingly froze there for a moment. Then, he pressed his lips to mine. I couldn’t help but let my hands rest on the sides of his neck as his palms pressed to my face, rubbing soft circles along my cheek bones with his thumbs.

He pulled away after a few minutes, struggling for air. I sighed blissfully, leaning my forehead against his. He smiled. “By the way, Y/N. I’m bi, not gay.”

I laughed happily and pulled him closer once again, my lips hovering over his. “Yeah, I figured.” And then, I kissed him again. And again. And again.