#im sorry anon i genuinely tried so hard to give you an actual answer but it turns out i dont. play that many video games HFGSDHLFGHDSJ

[freyito]

Can I request platonic Tomas and Bi-Han headcannons with a gn child/teen reader who has difficulty feeling emotions because they were never taught how to process or deal with emotions and the only thing they were told about emotions were to hide them?

This is kinda self indulgent, so I'm sorry if it's kinda specific or weird to you

its alright anon this also lowkey heals the inner child in me BECAUSE THATS ME THATS ME THATS ME TOO. paired with flat affect (and rbf) i had a really hard time understanding emotions in general as a kid!!!! nothing could process properly so i was (and still am) the definition of :l (KACPER LORE!!!)so im slappin flat affect on here as well, if u dont mind anon

cw: gn reader, platonic, proud bi-han, happy tomas, reader is teen (age isnt mentioned however), proofread

ᴛᴏᴍᴀꜱ & ʙɪ-ʜᴀɴ + ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴡʜᴏ ꜱᴛʀᴜɢɢʟᴇꜱ ᴡ/ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴ

-Tomas Vrbada

Tomas comes from a place of sympathy. Perhaps he doesn't quite understand why it's so hard for you to show your emotions, given he's very expressive himself. The most he's experienced is difficult emotions, so he tries his very best not to step over a line.

He's curious and worried, though. He wants to understand you better, and he wants to know just why it is so hard to smile around him.

So, Tomas tries hard to make you smile, any sort of emotion. He'll give you gifts, things he thinks you'll find interesting from his missions, or just try and surprise you in any sort of way. Which always falls short.

He notices that in tense times, or even in times of tragedy you almost seem unsure about how to feel. And afterwards, you almost seem unaffected, in a bad way.

He swallows his pride and just asks you why it's hard to make you emote, why your voice almost lacks emotion. And when you don't have a proper answer, somehow he forms his own answer.

He's kind to you, as much as he will always seek out a reaction, he doesn't think of you any differently. In fact, he's actually determined to teach you how to properly understand your emotions.

He assures you it's okay to cry, happy cry, sad cry, confused cry, whatever kind of cry. Although, not much had come up to render this reaction out of you. He's almost too expressive around you, almost as if he's showing you what to do.

At the end of the day, however, Tomas is sure to help you. Regardless. It doesn't matter if you can only pout now, it's progress. And he's happy. He's actually made it a point to be there during every big step. He finds it so hard to contain himself when he sees you genuinely smile for the first time.

-Bi-Han

Now, Bi-Han understands hiding your emotions. He himself was taught to keep them hidden. But slowly, that had just turned into resentment. So he sees a lot of himself in you.

He'll brush it off at first, he tells himself he doesn't want to get into it. But he slowly convinces himself to come around. He's empathetic, he almost understands every movement you make.

He puts in as much effort as he can, at least, what he thinks is enough effort. As strong as he knows he is, he knows that it's a bad idea to let this evasion of emotion turn into the anger he feels.

Bi-Han sits you down, and talks to you directly. He doesn't tell you his entire story, but he tells you that it's okay to allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to express that. But, he tells you not to force yourself to feel. There's a fine line between those two differences.

He enjoys watching your progress, and just like Tomas, he wants to be there every step of the way. But he's also a bit too prideful for that. So, he's content from watching the sidelines.

Little do you know, he's celebrating those little moments. Behind your back, obviously. He's proud of you. But still too prideful to show that in public. However, he voices this to you. He tells you how proud of you he is when he knows he can have a private word with you.

© freyito, 2023 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[multiplicity-positivity]

advice ask-

TL;DR: how does one deal with a persecutor who is also quite young?

i dont mean deal with as in lock away, or anything of the sort, i genuinely really want to help them. one of our headmates, an ex-persecutor until very very recently, has been falling back to a lot of really bad old habits due to some things that happened

they're also getting? younger?? for some reason?? they were 19 when this started, they're 15 last i saw, which has never been near their age range

i just feel so bad cause i can see and feel how damn much they're hurting, they fronted for less than an hour earlier and the body had a headache for several hours afterwards because of how much stress and negativity they're holding on to

i know a lot of people say the first step is communicating, helping them figure out what's wrong and how to deal with it, but they won't listen or talk about it. several of us have tried talking with them and trying to help, but every time they either leave or completely disengage, and despite repeated efforts they refuse to talk to our therapist

they're trying so hard, and i dont think they even want to be hurting us based on some of the things i've picked up, but they just can't help it

what is there, if anything, that we could do to help them? for our own safety, and primarily theirs, i just want to make some progress towards helping them resolve everything

🪐🏢 (emojis so i can be on anon but process the ask as mine if i see it)

Hi! We’re going to link to you a couple asks we’ve answered in the past with advice for dealing with persecutors. Please note that the second post has a trigger warning for mentions of suicide and sexual assault!

Hopefully the advice listed in those posts can help you!

And some advice specific to y’all’s situation might be just kindness, kindness, kindness. Have patience with them when they lash out. Remind them that you’ll always be there, willing to provide a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. Don’t judge them too harshly when they make a mistake. Don’t force them to engage with anyone inside or outside your system that they don’t want to. It may take y’all a while to adjust to these behaviors, but it will be well worth it in the long run for making this persecutor feel more secure and loved by all of you!

Perhaps buy a notebook or set up a note/Google doc/Word document for this headmate which can be a space just for them, no one else. Allowing them to have their own private space to vent, get their thoughts out, and express themself might help them feel better about themself and their circumstances overall. Our persecutors each have their own journal and their own sideblog here on Tumblr which they can use however they wish. After we reached a point where more of our alters could trust our therapist, one of our persecutors has actually brought their journal to therapy and talked to our therapist about what’s been bothering them.

If you do provide a journal or set up a sideblog for your persecutor, please respect their boundaries and try to avoid looking at it! We know this can be difficult when the whole system shares a body, device, etc. But making an effort to respect this persecutor’s privacy can go a long ways in helping them feel safe and secure.

Ultimately, it will be up to them to decide for themself to make positive decisions and strive for positive change. But offering to be there for them, to support and uplift them while respecting them and giving them space when they need it, all of this could help them reach a point where they’re able to change for the better!

We’re wishing your whole system the very best of luck with this, and we will keep your dear persecutor in our thoughts! We really do hope that y’all can find peace, understanding, and comfort in your future, and that soon this persecutor can feel heard, respected, and taken care of. Thank you so very much for doing your best to take care of your headmate - your efforts aren’t going unnoticed!! Again, good luck with everything, and thanks for reaching out!

🌷 Corrie and 💚 Ralsei

[cyberiada]

Now that we know Steamworld is capable of crossing over with other indies, where would you like to see some steambots, and who?

minecraft

[des1gnersadness]

if ur taking requests could you maybe do billy lenz with a sub! male reader nsfw? , theres not a lot of male reader content for him so im desperate LOL

if ur not taking requests i am sorry and its okay! thank you and have a nice day/night!! :3

sorry this took so long !

the smut is right under the cut.

thank you for requesting anon, i hope you like it!

Silent Night — Billy Lenz x sub!male reader smut

gif isn’t mine!

warnings: dom/sub, slight choking, some exposition at the beginning, reader isn’t that submissive at first but trust me — he is, reader is male, blow job, teasing, smut, and anything else I’ll think of I’ll add.

You were bored — well, as bored as one could be when you were in the middle of a party that Barbara Coard was throwing. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and smoking — you weren’t that interested though, partying hard was never your thing — you preferred to go to small get togethers where people would play cards or watch movies. “Oh my goodness! Y/N!” Jess Bradford called through the crowd as she made her way over — drink in hand.

Smiling at her, you stood up from the bench you had been on — glad to have someone you knew here, it was her sorority house too. “Jess!” You exclaimed happily — the two of you hugged before Jess took your hand and led you through the crowd to the kitchen.

—

“I didn’t even know you were gonna show.” Jess said with a genuine smile — she took a sip of the liquid from her cup. You shrugged — “I didn’t think I was going to in the first place but, then I thought about hanging out with you and I changed my mind.” To people on the outside — you and Jess looked like a picture perfect couple when in actuality, you were best friends — Jess was already in a relationship and you… you were working on that.

It was hard to find a gay guy in the seventies.

“Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you!” Jess’ voice made you jump slightly — you looked at her as she spoke, “So, there’s this weird guy calling the house every night — it’s definitely just some prank calls but… they’re so strange that I’m starting to be freaked out by them.” She became nervous, “So I was wondering — could you spend the night here? Just for protection — please?” If it was any other person you would’ve said no but, this was Jess. You nodded, “Sure.”

—

You had settled in on the couch. Jess had given you some blankets along with a pillow — after she bid you goodnight and went to her room, you stayed up. The light from the lamp in the hallway was what you were staring at — day dreaming — your mind drifted to the guy Jess had been talking about earlier and you couldn’t help but wish the phone rang so you could be the one to answer it. Maybe Jess was exaggerating and you could give discipline to whoever kept calling.

Instead of the sound of the phone ringing — a meow and hiss came from upstairs — your eyes darted to the stairs and you suddenly felt scared. Getting up — you did what someone should never do in this situation — you went to the sound of the meow and came across the door to the attic.

Maybe you were just delirious and making things up.

THUMP

meow~

Now that, that came from just behind the attic door. Your motherly (fatherly?) instincts kicked in — you were going to rescue that cat even if it meant getting dirty.

—

Climbing up into the attic, you tried your best to look around in the darkness — the moon seemed to try and help but it didn’t illuminate enough to where you could see. “Here kitty, kitty, kitty — where are you?” You whispered loudly — hoping to not scare off the feline. A clatter of things falling startled you. You turned to where the sound came from and saw nothing. You furrowed your brows as you soon realized something else was breathing in the same exact way as you.

Holding your breath — you heard the ragged breathing of someone rather close to you. Doing something you usually wouldn’t do — you reached out blindly and touched something soft. It was a sweater, that much you could tell — your hands lay flat against it. Your fingers splayed and that seemed to make the person grumble. “Piggy.” Was all they said and your eyes widened in fear. Before you could pull away — the person held your hands in place. “Billy w-wants more~More.”

The mystery person was a guy whose name was Billy and who was clearly wanting you to touch him in places you usually wouldn’t when you first meet someone. “What..?” Is the only thing you can get out before you’re pulled close to Billy — his mouth latching onto your own, drool from his own mouth covers your chin. The kiss was hurried as Billy groaned in an animalistic way. Your teeth clatter as Billy slides his tongue into your mouth and fights against your own. He grabs your hips, rutting against you as he repeats the word “more.”

Honestly, you were aroused — it’s been a while and being touched like this made you hard. Billy’s hand went to your head and shoved you down to your knees — so you were now eye level with his growing erection. He was straining against his jeans, that was for sure, he urged you on and even squealed when you took a second too long to get his pants off and around his ankles. “Suck Billy’s fat c-cock.” He said through a giddy laugh which sent a chill up your spine. You slid off his underwear and his erection sprung up — slapping against his belly. Pre-cum leaked from the mushroom tip.

Grabbing his shaft — you slid your thumb on the slit on the tip and slid the pre-cum as lube. You placed your mouth around the tip and began to go down further every time you bobbed your head. “More~” Billy groaned as he began shoving your head further down his dick. The girth made your throat hurt slightly — your gag reflex wasn’t that good so as he began to fuck your face, you were getting closer to gagging, and once you did, Billy giggled happily. “Gag on Billy’s fat cock p-piggy.” You moaned against him but before Billy came, he pulled out of your mouth.

A rope of drool was connecting your mouth and his dick. You looked up at him through hazy eyes, “Wh-?” Before you could even think of finishing your sentence — Billy pounced on you — he began taking your pants off at a rapid rate. “Billy wants to f-fuck your tight h-hole~” He exclaimed making your eyes widen. You let him take the lead and he made sure to get the perfect angle to your tight hole. He spit on his fingers and began to fuck you with his fingers — instantly starting off with two fingers.

“Fuck!” You moaned out at the feeling before enjoying the feeling — your eyes closed in satisfaction before Billy pulled away. You looked at him and right as he did — he thrusted himself into you. You moaned loudly, making Billy place a hand on your neck, tightening slightly, “Shhh, p-piggy needs to be quiet o-or else those c-cunts will hear.” He mumbled making you hold back your moans — you bit your lip as you whimpered.

Billy grinned and began to pick up his pace, he breathed heavily. You felt yourself getting close — the knot at the bottom of your stomach felt like it was getting tighter and tighter — Billy’s hand tightened around your throat and that let the knot unravel as you came — your cum spilling all over yourself. Billy drooled at the sight as he quickly came right after you did. He slid out of you without warning which caused you to hiss. Billy placed another kiss on your lips before he spoke.

“Goodnight p-pretty piggy.”

[krabmeat]

☊⏃⋏ ⟟ ⏚⟒ ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⋏⍜⋏? ⏃⋏⊬⍙⏃⊬⌇ ⋏⍜⍙ ⏁⊑⏃⏁'⌇ ⏃⌰⌰ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⊬. ☌⍜⎅ ⍀⟒⏃⎅⟒⍀ ☌⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⍀⟒⎐⟟⎐⟒⎅ ⎍⋏⟒⌖⌿⟒☊⏁⟒⎅⌰⊬ ⏚⊬ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔? ⟟⏁'⌇ ⌰⟟☍⟒ - ⏃ ⍀⟒⏃⌰⌰⊬ ⏚⏃⎅⏃⌇⌇ ⏃⋏⏁⏃☌⍜⋏⟟⌇⏁ ☌⍜⎅ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ☌⟒⏁⌇ ⌿⎍⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⍙⍜⍀⌰⎅, ☊⏃⌰⌰⟟⋏☌ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ "⌇⏃⎐⟟⍜⎍⍀" (⏚⎍⏁ ⟟⋏ ⏃ ⋔⍜⍀⟒ ⌇⏃⏁⟟⍀⟟☊⏃⌰ ⍙⏃⊬ ⟟⋏⌇⏁⟒⏃⎅ ⍜⎎ ☌⟒⋏⎍⟟⋏⟒⌰⊬ ⌇⟒⟒⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒ ⋔⏃⌇☍⟒⎅ ⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⊑⟒⍀⍜ ☊⏃⎍⌇⟒ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⏃⌇⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⊬'⎐⟒ ⋔⍜⌇⏁ ⌰⟟☍⟒⌰⊬ ☊⏃⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⟒⎐⟒⍀⊬⍜⋏⟒ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⊑⟒⌰⌿⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⋔⟟☌⊑⏁⊬ ⊑⟒⌰⌿⟒⍀ ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁ ⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟⏁⌰⟒ ⎎⟒⟒⌰⌇ ⍜⎐⟒⍀⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⌇⟟⍀⏃⏚⌰⟒). ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍀⍜⏃⋔⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌰⏃⋏⎅⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⋔⌿, ⏚⍀⟟⋏☌⟟⋏☌ ⏁⟒⍀⍀⍜⍀ ⏃⋏⎅ ⊑⟒⌰⌰⎎⟟⍀⟒ ⏃☊⍀⍜⌇⌇ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍜⎐⟒⍀⍙⍜⍀⌰⎅, ⌰⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ☍⟒⌿⏁ ⟟⋏ ⍀⏃☌⟒ ⌇⏁⍀⍜⌰⌰ ⎎⍀⟒⟒. ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⟒⋏⎅ ⎍⌿ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⎍⋏⎅⍀⏃, ⏁⊑⟒ ⏚⎍⍀⋏⟟⋏☌ ⎎⌰⏃☍⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏃⌇⊑⟒⌇ ☌⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⌰⍜⌇⏁ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⊑⏃⍀⌇⊑ ⌿⟟⌰⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ⌇⋏⍜⍙. ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⊑⏃⌿⌿⟒⋏⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⌇⏁⎍⋔⏚⌰⟒⎅ ⎍⌿⍜⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ☊⍜⏁⏁⏃☌⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ��⍙⍜ ⟟⋔⋔⍜⍀⏁⏃⌰ ☌⍜⎅⌇ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⋔⏃⊬ ⍜⍀ ⋔⏃⊬ ⋏⍜⏁ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ☍⋏⍜⍙. ⍙⍜⋏⎅⟒⍀ ⍙⊑⏃⏁'⌰⌰ ⊑⏃⌿⌿⟒⋏? ⟟ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⍜ ⌇⟒⟒ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⏁⏃☍⟒ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟟⌇.

- ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⋏⍜⋏

𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚝

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: philza, techno, Wilbur,(next few only mentioned)Mexican dream, schlatt, dream

𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: they/them

𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: fire, death, arson, betrayal mention, being used, reference to drugs, slight cursing

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: translation vvvvv

Can i be enderman anon? anyways now that's all out of the way. God reader getting revived unexpectedly by dream? it's like - a really badass antagonist god that gets pulled out of the underworld, calling dream their "saviour" (but in a more satirical way instead of genuinely seeing the masked man as their hero cause in the past they've most likely called everyone that helped them their mighty helper to the point where the title feels overused and undesirable). They roamed the lands of the smp, bringing terror and hellfire across the overworld, letting their kept in rage stroll free. They end up in the tundra, the burning flakes of ashes getting lost in the harsh piles of snow. They happened to have stumbled upon the cottages of two immortal gods that they may or may not have used to know. Wonder what'll happen? i would like to see your take in this.

 - enderman anon

AHHH IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I DONT KNOW IF YOULL EVEN READ THIS STILL BUT TY FOR THE REQUEST IT ISNT THE BEST QUALITY IM SORRY :[[[

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You almost don't recognize the sensation of grass against your calloused and rough hands. You were in the void playing solitaire with Schlatt and Mexican Dream, and the next thing you knew you were suddenly pulled harshly by the back of your collar, falling on your spine. The looming mask of Dream is what stood above you, but he looked different. Longer hair, smelly, wearing a stained lime green jumpsuit with ‘0001' sewn into it and covered in cuts, scars and bruises. But before you could even question why Dream was suddenly there, he stepped back into the void, the void slowly surrounding and consuming him the further he went backwards. His now bony hand is still tightly gripped onto the back of your shirt, so while struggling your body is also enveloped in darkness. All it took was one blink and there you were on a patch of grass, staring at the pale blue sky.

"Huh."

Was all that came out of your mouth. You were still shocked at the turn of events that just happened, but no longer grounded. A running river nearby stunned your senses. How long had you been dead? It felt like years, but when you look around at the familiar forest you died in, not much had changed except for a couple newly planted saplings here and there. The swirling ashes you remembered before you died had all settled and compressed into the soil.

The river showed a strange reflection of yourself- your features have clearly sunken into your skull and there's a streak of white hair coming from your scalp along with words in fancy gold letters on your arm reading,

"May thy woes and hurt of the past no longer eradicate the upwards of this lost souls future. Allow thine to be praised by Ender themselves and be granted another chance at mortality."

Scrubbing or picking at your arm did nothing, so onwards you went walking along the forest to what you remember being a bustling "community".

Each mound of dirt you saw only brought memories of your death, of the place and people who sought to treat you like you were disposable. And now that you’re alive, you hate that they technically ended up being right. Your death; alone in a forest. Running away from the unexpected attacker, ashamed and too prideful to die in the prying eyes of your enemies. It fills you with rage, all the lives taken by your hands and for what? You weren’t overreacting, you knew that for sure. And before you knew it, you stole some fresh flint and steel from a random chest and got to work. 

You had always wanted to touch the fires you set. The soothing feeling you got from watching wood burn to char and ashes satisfied you. And it made it all the more euphoric to know it was trees of your manipulator's land. Running across the land, with flames as far as you could see when you looked behind you. The heat swirled around your neck and went into your nose, but the feeling was muscle memory at that point. You were still riding your high when a voice reached out to you, luckily when you were finally calm.

"What- Y/n? Hold on, is that really you Y/n..?"

You spin on your heels to the familiar manipulative British voice of a person you haven't seen in a long time. 

"Wilbur?! Man, I haven't seen another person's face other than those two addicts in a while- you look different." 

His eyes much like yours are sunken deep into his skull, purple-pink bags under his eyes and dull skin. Wilburs shocked lips fade into an opened mouth smile when he walks up to you with his hands momentarily confused on what they should do. Eventually, his right hand settles on clasping your left shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze.

“Y/n it is so good to see you! You look quite different yourself, wouldn’t you think-? Oh, look! We’re matching!”

The grey streak in your hair seems to make another appearance when Wilbur briefly smacks it with his middle and pointer finger. 

“Ay, it’s nice to see you too Wil, but back up for a second alright? I've got something to ask you by the way…”

Wilburs head peaks in interest, urging you to go on.

“I’m guessing that little streak in your hair wasn’t a fashion choice- and if it was it’s a bit strange- but how’d you get it? You died when you blew up L’manburg! I mean c'mon, people don’t just, well…REVIVE!”

He starts to walk. You aren’t quite sure where, but stumbling along with Wilbur while his arm is draped lazily atop your shoulders seems to suffice. 

“Ahh Y/n, you’d be surprised. The most WONDERFUL thing happened, actually! Years and years in my hell of a train station; do you know who was at the subway door when it finally opened, Y/n? Dream!”

“Wh- Dream?!”

Appalled, you try to stop in your tracks but fail when wilburs arm is still pushing forward. His storytelling voice dies down to curiosity and excitement.

“Wait, did he save you too? He did, didn’t he? Oh, this is wonderful!”

Wilbur emits eagerism and you suddenly realize what you could do with his desperacy to be socially accepted. Putting on the most exaggerated and animated voice, you speak. 

“Oh my god yeah! Gosh, that Dream guy is my hero! Thanks to him, I get to have another chance at living again, and isn’t that just…swell.”

In all honesty you didn’t really try hard to sound sincere but by the look of Wilbur, it seemed to work just fine. 

“Right?! I’ve been meaning to visit him in the prison if you’d like to tag along with me the day I go? I’m sure he’d love to see you, since he revived you and all.”

Oh, you were sure Dream wanted to see you. He wants a boon- a trade. Why else would he revive two of the most historically significant people on the server if not to make some sort of deal with them? Sure, Wilbur is as gullible and carefree as ever but you at least still had scraps of mental stability and level-headedness that made you all the more a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention Wilbur doesn’t know that Dream killed you, but telling him that now would blow your act. You decide to keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Yeahh, sure! I’d love to go, just tell me when.”

And that’s the end of that conversation. The two of you walk to wherever Wilbur is going. It honestly surprised you how he couldn’t see through your apathy. From what you remembered, he was keen on being wise about people and their intentions but you guess years and years in hell do things to a person.

Somehow, you’re stuck in your mind for long enough that only now do you feel the sharp winter air making the hairs on your arms and legs stand straight up. 

“Wait, snow?”

The tundra was a drastic contrast to the void you were once in with schlatt and Mexican Dream. Instead of black as far as you could see, it was a blinding powdery white. 

‘Mexican Dream would’ve liked it here, probably would have tried to snort the snow like coke.’

You weren’t built for the snow, though. Hell- you didn’t even have a memory of anyone living in a tundra when you were alive! Why was Wilbur even in the tundra? You didn’t have the energy to ask, still feeling brittle and tired, back aching from laying on the dry dirt longer than expected earlier. 

“Yeah, just figured I’d show you around! Plus I already need to grab a couple things from an ender chest and this was the closest by. I’m a very busy man, after all.”

But why were there so many footprints in the snow? As far as you knew, Wilbur was the only one who lived out in the tundra- and he didn’t seem like the active type at all. There were strange shapes as well, large hooved footprints. However, all thinking comes to a halt at the same time Wilbur does.

“We’re here! You might see some familiar faces cause I live with people.”

Well, that answers the footsteps as well as the tall red-caped piglin hybrid giving leftover bones and raw meat to a polar bear.

“TECHNO! TECHNO, HEY!”

He tenses up for a second, you could tell he wanted to be left alone but that didn’t really bother Wilbur. But you recognize him. The name and the apparel- that guy is Technoblade. The same Technoblade who stood by your side while the two of you blew L’manburg up for the last time, and now the Technoblade who resides in a cottage shrouded in snow.

“Technoblade?!”

Hearing your voice being carried by the crisp winter air, he turns around immediately to see you and Wilbur a few feet away. Techno stood there dumbfounded, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t particularly joyed or ecstatic to see you, but he was at the very least happy to see an old ally back. 

“Y/n? Oh my god, now we’ve got TWO of you? We don’t have room for another one, alright?”

For some it might be hard to see the meaning behind his words. Luckily you’ve talked to him enough to where you can tell he’s being playful.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just build directly on top of your house. Besides, who WOULDN'T want to be near me 24-7?”

“Me-“

“Oh f*ck off.”

You would’ve thought that that was Wilbur due to the similar accent, but there was something off. The slight gruffness and age, yet still succeeding in sounding mellow.

“Phil! How’s my favorite old bird doing?”

He gives you a face. Not a happy one like you expected, rather a face that says ‘really?’ Probably because of the old comment. The two of you briefly hug, Phil’s tattered wings stretching out slightly.

“I’m doing alright, are you okay? Here, would you like to come in? It’s pretty cold outside, you probably haven’t seen snow in a couple years.”

He wasn’t wrong after all. You were freezing your toes off and were itching for lemon tea. The kind Phil used to make when he, Technoblade and Dream discussed plans on destroying L’manburg. Ah, the good ol days…

“Of course! We’ve got a lot to talk about- you still have that old chess board?”

“Yes, but first you have some explaining to do about the fire over in that tree, Y/n. You just got back and you’re already burning down forests?!”

“Did someone say fire?”

Techno has an eager stride in his step once he also looks back to see the raging lights of orange and red in the nearby forest.

“Don’t worry Phil! It’s just- ahh, a controlled burn..?”

Your tone of voice is unsure when a black crow shoots down from the sky into the snow in front of you. It’s left wing is charred and has smoke dancing from the burn. Philza looks at you with a stern glare.

“Oh my f*cking god…that’s it! We’re all going inside now, you too Techno. I don’t want you and Y/n going on a rampage.”

[hoodieofholland]

Okay, what Im requesting really angst so I get if you don’t want write,

boyfriend!Tom starting to feel things to his co-star while y/n is waiting for him to come back to her and when he coms back he tells her the turth. She runs pf with tears and have a serious car crash and Tom regrets what he did and blames himself for her injures.

(Oh god I love jerk Tom so much)

(love your writings <3)

a/n: took a little while to write this, but it's done, finally! Hahah. Feels like ive been writing a lot of angst lately lol, what you guys think? Thanks anon for requesting, hope you like it!

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, heartbreak, mentions of blood, car accident, language.

Broken. That’s how you felt, staring into those brown chocolate eyes, full of regret, guilt and fear. Your heart clenches inside of your chest, desperately trying to find some sort of comfort while your heartbeat only seems to increase each second you pass looking at him.

“What?”, your voice is cracked. Your eyes are glistening with the threatening tears.

You still can hear the reverberation of his words inside of your head: I think I’m having feelings for someone else. Someone else. His co-star. Tom had just admitted to you he was having feelings for his co-star.

You and Tom have been in a relationship long enough to know this would inevitably break your heart into pieces. Those words didn’t even make sense to you. Though both of you were feeling a little off lately, like your relationship wasn’t the same anymore, you were sure this was just a phase, you were willing to bring you two back on track. But right now you could see you were the only one with hope and this made you feel ashamed of just standing in front of Tom, feeling extremely exposed and weak.

He sniffles, averting his gaze to the ground. “I- I’m so sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to blurt it like that, it’s just-“

You blink your tears away, your whole body shaking slightly, not under your control anymore. Your hands close into fists as you try to control your emotions and the unbearable pressure on your chest. “What is it, Tom? What is happening? I- I can’t understand, I thought-“, you didn’t even know what to say. You bite your lips to prevent you from crying. “Since... since when, Tom?”

He breathed out, cheeks buffing as he runs his hands through his curls. “I don’t know. Honestly”, his voice was full of sadness, “I just- I realized it today”.

You feel your knees getting weaker. “Did you-“, you gulp, too afraid to ask, “Did you cheat on me, Tom? Did you do something with her? Did she touch you? Did you touch her?”

Though you knew pretty well none of that was important anymore, that betraying your feeling while still together was equally as bad as kissing or sleeping with someone else, you couldn’t ignore the feeling that physical contact would make the whole thing worse. You couldn’t stand the thought of being there, waiting for Tom to come home and maybe have a nice dinner so you could enjoy time together and make things work out again, while he was out there fucking another girl.

But he shook his head no, and you released a sigh in relief. He had a frown between his brows, genuinely hurt by the path of that conversation. “I’d never, y/n”, he rubbed his eyes. “I know this doesn’t make me a better of a man, but I- I swear to God I just realized it now. It was today, when we were filming and... and I couldn’t go another minute without telling you this. This is so fucked up and I am so fucking sorry, but I thought that it would be better for both of us if I just told you this and-“

A sob coming from your parted lips breaks his attempt to explain, watching you fall apart for something he has done. Tom didn't stop loving you. It felt different, but he still cared about your feelings and how you'd deal with the fact that your relationship wasn't working anymore. He felt guilty and even disgusted at himself for breaking your heart. But that didn't stop him neither.

"Can we talk about this, darling?", he mumbles, trying to reach your hand, but you step back, body trembling as you fight back the need of giving in to his embrace.

"Don't. Don't call that", you cry out, letting the tears fall freely on your cheeks now. "Fuck, Tom, what did I do? I didn't deserve this. I- I was by your side, I never left. I knew this day would come, but I was trying my best..."

"It's not like that, y/n", he mutters, feeling defeated. He didn't intend to take it this way. He never wanted to make you cry. He promised he would never make you cry. "I've tried. And I love you, I love you so fucking much, but I... I don't know what happened".

You wipes the tears away furiously, too frustrated to care about the look on your face right now. You just didn't want to look fragile, or broken, or weak - all of the things you actually were feeling like.

You look at him clearer, the man you so desperately love, the man you most felt affection to. Tom was everything you always dreamt of. If there was a man you could say you trusted in, it was Tom. And he betrayed your feelings.

It wasn't his fault and you had to admit that. He fell for another woman. He just didn't feel the same about you anymore, and though you were suffering, you couldn't blame it on him. It was just human nature. Life itself, playing tricks on you, when you so certainly believed to have found the love of your life.

"I know", you say through hoarse voice. "I can't blame it on you. It's not your fault. I just- I thought we could work this out, y'know? Thought you wanted this with me". You give him a sad smile and couldn't help but let more tears roll down your face. You felt pathetic and you were sure you looked just like that.

Tom swallows the thick knot on his throat, chest aching at the sign of you. He wanted to say something, but couldn't think about anything good enough.

Ashamed of your position, you nod a couple of times for nothing in special and make your way to the front door.

"Wait! Y/n, what are you- where are you going?", Tom shouted, eyes wide as he tried to take your arm. You pulled it from his reach and raised your hand to prevent him from coming any closer.

"I'm leaving. What else do you expect me to do, Tom?" With bloodshot eyes, you stare at him, lips pressed tightly in a thin line, holding everything in you to not make even more a fool of yourself.

"I don't know", he almost whispers.

You can't seem to contain the growing anger inside of you for his words, sobbing a little more as you try to come up with the right thing to say. Why does he have to do this to you?

"Guess what? I don't know neither. All of a sudden, my long-term boyfriend told me he is falling for another girl. Do you know how much it costs me to look at you right now, Tom? I can't even- I fucking hate you right now and I know it's not even your fucking fault, but I can't help it!" You scream, hand covering your mouth as you try to regain some composure. "Just leave me fucking alone, Tom!"

Without another word, you run to the front door, yanking it open and slamming it shut, letting your whines finally scape through your gritted teeth.

---

Tom checked his phone one more time before slipping into the covers and lay down on his empty bed, facing the ceiling for a long enough time to get sick of it.

His mind was running wild, thinking about the things he said to you, and the thing you said to him. It was hard to face the fact that he made you cry and feel miserable. Tom never intended that. He knew both of you were slipping apart, gradually giving your relationship an end, but that was a whole different level.

He closed his eyes, thinking about the moment you stormed out the door, thinking about the feeling he had previously in the morning, while working with his co-star. It wasn't the strongest thing he felt in his life, it wasn't even near to the things he felt when meeting you, but he knew he should be honest with you from the moment he realized there was something going on.

But even know, he felt like he messed it up real bad.

Tom has been calling you since you stepped out of the house, but you never answered, or called back. He left a message in your voicemail, asking you to come back home so you could talk. Aware of the fact that this had no coming back, Tom just needed to look at you one more time and apologise for being a dick. He couldn't afford to have you out of his life.

And then his phone rang.

He was quick to pick it up and press to his ear, waiting to hear your voice, but what he heard was something much more unexpected.

"Hello, can I please speak with Thomas Stanley?", an unrecognizable voice came to the phone and Tom sat on his bed.

"Uh, yes, it's me. What's the matter?"

"I'm calling because you're at Miss y/n y/l/n's emergency contact. She was brought to the hospital after an accident, a car crash. Miss y/n is passing through an emergency surgery right now and I need to inform someone in the family..."

The woman kept talking, voice too steady for something so breath-taking. Tom was surely out of breath. For a few seconds, he felt like he had gone blind, not able to see anything besides a black spot in the darkness of his room.

He couldn't believe he was hearing that. It couldn't be real. He tried to come up with any excuse, with some explanation, but everything that ever crossed his mind at the moment was the sign of you laying flat on some ciment busy street, blood coming out of the corner of your mouth and eyes wide open with no brightness on them.

"Sir?", the woman spook again and Tom was snapped out of his thoughts.

"Can you give me the address?", he jumped out of bed and started to look for his keys frantically. The woman gave him instructions and he quickly made his way to the living room.

"Fuck... where 'my fucking keys!" He yelled desperately, throwing the pillows on the sofa go the ground to look better. "Fuck!"

Tom sat on the couch, heavy breathing making his whole body shake. His hands holds his head and his eyes go wide. He felt a heat rise in every part of his body, but mainly on his chest.

It was his fault, he knew it. You were supposed to be at home, you were supposed to stay with him. You were going to have dinner together, and you wouldn't be driving before having a car crash.

Why did he mess up? Why did he say those things to you? He shouldn't have let you go outside in that state. He shouldn't

Tom heard the front door crack open, and he raised his head with silly hopes of you stepping inside and all of this being a fucking cruel joke, but instead, it was Harrison passing by.

"Tom, I was just going to- Dude, what happened?" Harrison puts a worried face when he saw the bloodshot eyes, trembling lips and shaking hands, all parts of Tom's nervousness.

He almost couldn't put his voice to work, and if it wasn't for the fact that he needed to reach out the hospital in no time, to make sure you were fine, maybe he wouldn't be able to say a single word.

"You gotta drive me. I can't- I can't find my keys. And she needs me. I need her. I need to find her, Haz. She- fuck, she needs me and I can't find my fucking keys", he said in desperation, letting himself become a sobbing mess in front of his friend.

---

There was no small talk between the two of them whilst the drive to the hospital. It seemed like you have done a long way from home; the distance was killing the eye browned boy.

All that was on his mind now was the thought of you - moments you've spent together, days of happiness and things that he loved about you. He remembered the first time you met, the day he asked you out and the first time he heard you say you loved him. He questioned himself when was the last time you said that, when he heard his name coming out of your lips with an "I love you" next. He couldn't remember and he felt disgusting for that too.

Because Tom realized in the way to the hospital that he couldn't live without you. If you were gone, there would be nothing. He never thought about this day, never thought that one day he'd be losing you, but the bare possibility of this happening made him realize he wouldn't stand it. He needed you, in more ways than just one.

"She'll be fine, Tom", Harrison told him for the third time, when they were sitting in a corridor, waiting for a doctor to call for Tom when you were brought to the room.

"'S all my fault. Shouldn't have fought her. Shouldn't have let her think I didn't love her", Tom muttered more to himself, voice hoarse.

Tom was bouncing his leg rapidly, eyes closed tightly an heart aching for every second he spent without any medic information.

"Mr. Holland?" A voice came next to him, a doctor, a comphreensive smile on his face, which eased Tom a little bit. "Miss y/n is in her room now, you can check on her".

Tom got up immediately, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans while walking down the aisle with the doctor to your room. When he reached the place with white walls, white sheets and an audible beep from the machine that was monitoring your heartbeat.

"She's asleep right now, might wake up in about an hour or so. Then a nurse should come check on her", the doctor says, reading through some papers on his clipboard. He sighs lightly and look at Tom, whose eyes are glue on you. "I might say she was lucky, Mr. Holland. It was a serious accident, and others victims didn't have as much luck as Miss y/n", he friendly pats Tom's shoulder. "Don't know what you believe in, but I think you should be thankful. She's a strong girl, she'll be fine", he smiled and after a few seconds, left Tom and you alone in the room, closing the door behind him.

Tom was hesitant, taking small steps towards your bed as he looked cautiously every part of you body. You had some big injuries on your face. There was a bandage on your nose, which was broken when you entered the emergency. Your lips had cuts and there was a purple spot on your forehead and around one of your eyes.

Tom felt sick to his stomach thinking about how much pain you had gone through the last hours. He stood beside your bed, taking your fragile looking hands on his. It was bruised too, and Tom pressed a very light kiss to your palm, letting a silent tear roll down his face till reach his chin.

"I'm so sorry, my love", he whispered with a croaky voice. "You'll be fine, it's gonna be alright", he reassured, more to himself than to you, who was drifted on sleep now, too far from the chaos that was going on outside.

Tom sniffles, rubbing a hand on his wet nose, and blinks a couple of times to get rid of his tears. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I know it's my fault. And I was wrong".

He breathed out, looking at the ceiling as he remembered your conversation that evening. "There's no one I love more than you, y/n. It was dumb of me thinking that there's anyone I might be in love with besides you. It's only you, love, you're the person I can't live without".

Tom felt like a kid, crying over your hand, squeezing it ever so lightly and praying that you might hear his apologies and his pleas.

"And it was unfair of me not putting as much effort as you in this relationship. This is my fault too. But I love you, and I don't care about anything else, your love is the only thing I'm going to focus on when you wake up".

Tom realized that nothing was more important than your relationship to him now. Not even work, which has taken so much of his time that he was slowly slipping apart from you. Not even whatever feeling he fooled himself to believe in. It wasn't true. It was his fear of not being in love with you anymore, of being too far to bring you two together again. But by that moment, Tom knew he couldn't be afraid of nothing else than losing you. And now he just prayed that you could forgive him and the things he said, while he left himself fall in tears and regret.

********

Taglist:

@dreamy-clousds @pinkrockstar19 @onyourgoddamnleft

@spideyspeaches @miraclesoflove @heavenlyholland

@zspideyy @marlenetough @nsxvision

@xoxohollands @siriuslyslyslytherin @mathletemadison

[miekasa]

the pre-pancetta snippet: early december, 3 months before the world went to shit

💉levi gets sick [levi grumbles in the background]

it was the pre-pandemic flu season. levi caught it at work and just his luck, it was pretty bad for him. but healthcare is expensive, capitalism sucks, so he wore a mask and still went to work the next day, thinking bedrest during the weekend would be enough. erwin kindly dropped off some sports drinks while hange gave him a new bag of black tea leaves. oc comes home to find him almost asleep at the table while waiting for water to boil for his tea and her senses tingle. she just knows. levi is pretty out of it by then, very pissed, feeling like shit, but still thinking about the slack he has to pick up at work. oc is very concerned because he looks awful. she bugs him and asks him if he’s okay with her checking him up. he is about to tell her to piss off but what the hell, lucky his roomie’s a doctor and he’ll take free healthcare when he can. so he nods once in dramatic brooding levi fashion.

her hands are cool on his forehead and neck, it feels so good, and levi is really trying not to accidentally moan out loud. when she brings out her stethoscope and asks him to take deep breaths, his focus is on her hand absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder [levi thoughts: he’s really out of it if this is all he can focus on]. oc’s brow furrows when she finds out he’s had only one cup of tea for the entire day and only one meal the day before. he says he’s brewing more, but oc is not having it! she heats up some leftover soup she has and makes him eat before handing him a tylenol. levi feels unsteady and weak but he’s trying to keep up the i’m-fine-it’s-just-the-flu facade. oc sees right through it and tails him to his room.

she helps him to bed, all while saying he’ll need meds for the virus and he needs to eat and drink more fluids because he’ll need an IV drip if not. even if it’s just the flu, he got a pretty bad case. levi strips off his shirt before he drops onto his pillows, grumpy and dismissive, telling her to just leave the prescription. he can handle it. oc snorts before leaving him alone (for now)

levi wakes up to rustling sounds and finds oc by his bedside setting up some stuff. his head is pounding, entire body is aching, and his cough is killing his throat. he’s very grumpy and is about to tell oc to just let him be but he gets a coughing fit. oc rubs his back while checking his vitals, her voice soft with worry as she asks him how he is feeling. he says he went to the bathroom but that’s it. he doesn’t see oc frown, but he’s more than annoyed that he is disturbed when she digs him out of the blankets. she helps him sit up, propping him on his pillows, and she makes him eat more soup, drink some tea, and take his meds. his throat is cooling and he realizes belatedly that she made him strong mint tea. he’s just swallowing whatever so he can go back to sleep [levi is trying very hard not to vocalize his disappointment whenever her hands leave him]. oc sighs at the little care her patient has for himself, but she tells him that he needs a drip at this point. she’s not satisfied with how little he’s been eating and drinking. levi is ready to throw hands because he refuses to spend thousands of dollars for 2 hours at the emergency room and get scammed by health insurance just so they can give him IV fluids, but oc surprises him by saying she’s all set up, and if he’s okay with it, she can do it here.

he shrugs and holds out his hand. the skin of her hands are a little rough with a few calluses, her touch so light and sure. the needle pinches but the pain dulls after a few seconds. he watches oc taping up the line and securing his hand to some makeshift splint so it doesn’t move around much. oc hangs up the bottle on the hanger she installed on the wall lamp by his bed before heading out. levi tries to fall back into sleep again. suddenly, he feels a damp cool cloth brush his forehead and his face while another hand runs through his hair gently. he’s groggy and he squirms because what. he hears oc shushing him, saying something about sponge baths for fever, and he’s just so not used to tenderness and care, and she’s sponging down his neck and his chest, running over his arms, turning him on his side gently so she doesn’t jostle him into wakefulness. her hands are firm and gentle as they wipe down his back and it’s cool and soothing and so good over his heated skin. he falls asleep in minutes. this never happens.

he thinks oc drops in once more in the middle of the night because he remembers someone holding him up to take something. when he wakes up the next morning, his fever is gone and he feels like himself again. he sees an empty bottle on his bedside table which means oc must have changed his drip too. the one he’s hooked to is almost gone. he’s in the middle of answering a work email on his phone when oc, already dressed for work, pops in to check on him. she has a tray in hand, looking genuinely relieved and happy that he’s better. his knows his appetite is back because the smell immediately makes his mouth water. he is very hungry after 3 days of soup and tea. she made really good pancakes, fried bacon to a perfect crisp, and the scrambled eggs are savory and creamy. it’s killing him. he can forgive the tea bag from a packet. levi is still a tea snob. oc is cheery, chirping that he’s good to go without a drip as long as he keeps up his food and fluids.

oc: water, tea, or pocari sweat, levi! none of the sugary sports drinks erwin left you, that stuff is a scam.

levi: i don’t have pocari—

oc: i bought you some, they’re in the drinks cupboard!

levi: why—

oc: it’s not just sugar, it has the electrolytes you need!!

she unhooks the IV and takes out his line, lays out his medication regimen and tells him to please call her if he starts feeling bad again. levi rolls his eyes and bats her concern away, grumbling that he’s fine and well enough, but he’s listening to every word she says. he utters a small thank you because how on earth does he convey his immense gratitude in words, he is not used to words!!! his cheeks feel very warm. oc giggles and ruffles his hair. she understands her roomie’s not talkative, but his soft gaze betrays everything beneath his gruff exterior. his shyness is adorable even if he was a grumpy old man while sick. oc thinks that her theory of him being 89 years old deep inside might be right after all. she sternly tells him to rest and lay off strenuous activities until he’s really recovered.

oc: rest. no cleaning today.

levi: my room—

oc: no. cleaning. today.

and just like that, she’s off to work [levi thoughts: wtf she works on sundays?]. all that levi can think of for three days, or more like since that day, are her gentle, comforting touches, her kind smiles, and how pretty she is. he tries, he really tries to push back the thoughts and bury the memories, but all efforts become in vain for him the next week.

he’s reading on the couch and relaxing for the night when oc comes out of her room looking like a fucking goddess. she’s in a deep green dress of flowing silk with thigh-high slit, sporting a dark, vibrant red lip, complaining of some recognition ceremony she has to attend for one of her bosses at work. she pouts while slipping on pumps that make her legs look even more stunning. levi is aware that he is staring and has tuned out her voice, so he forces himself out of it. he remembers basic conversation etiquette and lamely asks about the party. oc says it’s a black-tie-long-gown thing that’s a waste of her time. she twists her hair up in a messy bun and puts on earrings, grumbling that this is the most formal she’ll go. levi is mildly amused when she says she’ll nick a bottle of good champagne and some desserts before she escapes the party in an hour. tops.

levi: what if you get caught?

oc: they can spare one bottle and a few cupcakes

levi: and what reason have you come up with if they start interrogating you?

oc: my roommate is sad and a stress-eat is essential after shitty weeks of being underpaid laborers *cheeky smile*

he rolls his eyes. when she steps out their door (her uber’s there), levi counts to ten before groaning very loudly to let his frustrations out.

but she really did steal and bring home the good stuff, squealing in excitement when she sees that he was still up. he actually waited for her to get home but she doesn’t need to know that. they shared fruit tarts and fancy mini-cakes and worked through the bottle of champagne while bonding over their mutual disdain for assholes at work. conversation was open and easy, and levi cannot remember when he has been this comfortable around others who weren’t old friends of his. he was in an old shirt and jogger shorts. oc was still in her dress, barefoot, lipstick still perfect and bun still messy, picking a strawberry off the last cake while laughing at his dry jab about her boss. and jesus christ, she was exquisite.

at this point, denial begins to trickle in, but levi doesn’t know that yet. it’s just the champagne, right?

end. this was so mf long, i’m so sorry 😭 anyway this is insanely self-indulgent, and this is me coping with the pandemic (and with SnK ending today)

AHHHHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS ANON!!! SO MUCH!!!! PLEASE THIS HIT ALL THE MARKS!! Levi being reluctant to having someone take care of him, oc picking up on him not feeling well even though he’s not really showing it, and eventually just giving him the care and attention he needs (without suffocating him because you know he would be grumpy about that). I love this wow, seriously. 

AND THE END!! When they’re drinking together and he’s feeling better, you know damn well he didn’t even want her to leave in the first place, and IM SO GLAD HE’S FINALLY REALIZING!! Levi, my beloved, you are in love it is not the champagne 😌😌

[centerofreality]

Doya, BB-chan? remember your Kiryu with Kiryu-Fan after him? it's hilarious! I love it! Can you do a Majima version? This time have Nishitani and a Majima-fanatic after him? gotta have Majima get a taste of his own medicine [you don't need to prioritized this requests, take your time, please]🧡 thank you

You had a crush on Goro Majima for so long that you’ve become his one and only fan. You knew so much yet so little. Even with your infatuation, you didn’t know how to express your feelings to the mysterious eye-patched man working at the Grand Cabaret. Nishitani, being the kindhearted man he was, decided to lend a hand in one of the many ways he knew how. Being competitive. 

UHHHHHHH- 70+ FOLLOWERS???!! YOU ALL ARE WILD!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I know I’m not active here as much but I’m grateful for all of your support!! Modules are really taking most of my time so I never got around to Tumblr. As a gift, I took the chance on what anon requested me and decided to make a oneshot! I’m not good at writing stories but hopefully, I can make it work!

Reader will be more feminine here but I will be writing they/them pronouns. Sorry about that!

Includes: Nishitani flirting with both Y/N and Majima because he has no shame, Suggestive Themes (because Nishitani), Cursing and Explicit Language, Fluff and semi-crack? Me not knowing how to write a story.

                                                  ============ 

“How old are ya again, Y/N-chan? Majima-chan is an old man, ya know.” “At least he looks like he’s actually in his 20′s, unlike you.” “I look younger than I look!”

You sigh and look at the man sitting across from you. Nishitani only had a smirk as he bounces his legs, a hostess sitting beside him and serving the both of you. “Are you here to annoy Majima-san again?” You ask him with your eyebrows raised.

“Of course!” Typical.

You, Y/N L/N, were friends with the horny criminal, Homare Nishitani. People didn’t know how or why you were friends with him, and truth be told, you didn’t know either. He had suddenly approached you one day and asked if you ‘had the hots for Majima-kun too.’, and that the both of you go to the Cabaret Grand to annoy him. He was wild and didn’t care if he was being loud. You thought he was going to throw you in the river when you had rejected his advances of ‘leaving Majima-kun and have fun at my place’ but surprisingly, you stayed alive and have been friends ever since.

One of the perks of being with Nishitani was-

“Heyyyy, Majima-kun!!!” Nishitani waves maniacally to the approaching man who looked less than pleased, even if he had a polite smile.

Yep, Nishitani’s perks were that you get basically free access to the Grand. You always spend your money on this place and even then, Majima doesn’t really show up much.

“Nishitani-san.” Majima’s face was stoic as ever but when he turned to you, his eyes got softer and he even let a small smile appear on his face as he bowed politely. “L/N-san. Thank you for coming to our establishment again today.” Had you not been anywhere but around Majima, you would have screamed at the top of your lungs. Instead, you internally squealed and bowed your head. “G-good work again, Majima-san!!”

“I’m the one paying ‘ere, ‘ya know!” Nishitani rolled his eyes before he looked at Majima, “How lucky are we though that we have the famous manager himself to attend to our table!”

“You are not harassing any of our hostesses here, I presume. I wanted to check if my guess was right.” Your eyes widened and you glare at Nishitani, “Harass?!?! Nishitani!!” The man immediately held his hands up and sat a few inches away from the hostess that he was so close with, “I ain’t doin’ nothin’!! My hands are clean!”

Majima watches the both of you interact, he was confused about why the two of you were friends to begin with. No, he wasn’t jealous that the two of you were always together, and even if you were a couple - which he could hardly believe - it wasn’t his business to know. 

“It’s all good, manager!” One of his girls said with a smile and he nodded, “I’ll be going then, please continue to enjoy your stay here.” You let out a dreamy sigh as he walked away.

“Majima-kun would ace being in a maid cafe. With the frilly dress and the cat ears and everything, that’d get me rock hard on the spot.” Nishitani randomly said, picking his ears with his pinkie as the hostess giggled at your red face, “L/N-san, do you perhaps...” “Have a mad infatuation with the guy? Hell yeah, they are.” You only looked away bashful. Were you really that obvious??

“I have a feeling Majima-san likes you back too! He treats you as his favorite customer as much as I know!” “Doesn’t he do that to all customers?” You meekly asked, watching her think and shrug. “I think he’s much more genuine to you than anyone else.”

“Not even me?” Nishitani pouted while you look at the large signs of Cabaret Grand with wide eyes. Really?? Majima...likes you back? You shake your head. No, you shouldn’t hope. There weren’t any chances that you and Majima would end up together anyway.

“Ahh, look how fucking in love they are. Why can’t I have that? I’m a handsome looking guy.” Nishitani asked, leaning back on the soft cushions of the seats as the hostess poured him another drink. “It isn’t just about looks, it’s like..it’s like, he may look intimidating but I know he has a good heart. He’s kind and respectful and I admire him a lot..” You ranted before you grab the glass of juice (because Nishitani took all the alcohol, as much as he wanted to see you drunk on broad daylight) and drank it in one go. Nishitani whistles.

“Why don’t you confess to him then? It’s worth a try, right?” The hostess suggested, pouring your glass. “What if he rejects me? I wouldn’t be able to go here again because of the embarrassment!” You cover your face and groan, dragging your hands down while Nishitani laughed at your pitiful state. “Stop laughing! It’s not funny!” “It’s a little funny!”

You look at your phone and seeing the time that’s passed, you curse under your breath and quickly finish your glass, standing up. “Eh? Going already, sweetcheeks?” Nishitani tilted his head. “Yeah, I still have work to do. I’ll be back again tomorrow!” You wave at him and the hostess who waved back as you left.

“Those two need to get a room, I’m getting blue balls just by watching them.” Nishitani groans before he pauses... then he smirks. He had just the idea.

The next day, you went to the VIP and paused, watching Nishitani flirt with a disinterested Majima. As soon as his eye had spotted you, it lit up as he bowed at you, jerking his hands away from a sulking Nishitani. “Hello again, L/N-san. VIP again?” He approached you as you played with your fingers, grinning. “A-ah, y-yeah! Here to support you and everyone else here as always!” You thanked the heavens that your voice didn’t crack as Majima smiled, “You have my utmost gratitude.”

You watched him walk past you, smelling a whiff of his cologne. You immediately sat next to Nishitani and squealed on his shoulder. “Watch the merchandise!” Even with Nishitani’s protest, he let you be.

“Even he smells good!” You shake him as he tried to balance his glass. “Guy’s stubborn as hell. Wouldn’t take my offer.” You stopped moving him around and looked up at him. “What offer?” “Just me and him on a date, no biggie.” He shrugged.

“A-a-a da-date?!?!” You exclaim and hide back when a few people in the VIP glanced at the both of you, only to look away, seeing Nishitani. “Are you serious?!” You whispered to the giggling man.

“Look, we didn’t make the fucking Majima Fanclub for nothing, aight?” The Majima Fanclub consisted of You, Nishitani, and his family who were just there because their boss told them to. 

“If you’re not going to ask him then I’m going to take my chance. Finders Keepers.” He stuck his tongue out at you as you looked almost betrayed. Somehow, that made you fired up and more confident. You were going to beat Nishitani and confess to him! 

“W-well, I’m going to ask him on a date too!” “Oho, you’re challenging me?” Nishitani leaned forward, a competitive glint in his eyes. “Exactly, Whoever gets accepted first is the winner.” You told him, head up and straight posture. He laughed, “I like your words, darling.”

It had taken you several hours to brainstorm. But you had finally thought of something..

--

“Out of all the things, you pick Letters?? Boooooring.” “Have any ideas, smart guy?” You rolled your eyes at Nishitani who was lazily drawing scribbles on a piece of paper, his glass of alcohol showing a mark on his paper. “Ah, shit- fuck-” He cursed, having broken yet another crayon.

“I told you, you should have picked the markers instead.” You shake your head, laughing a little. The two of you were at one of the most popular Cabarets in Sotenbori yet the two of you were writing and drawing love letters.

“Why did you pick letters anyway?” The man beside you asked, cutting a choppy heart with a piece of paper. “Letters are a lot more genuine than gifts, you know? It’s heartfelt and simple, but means a lot to both you and to the one you’re sending it to.” You smile and Nishitani stifled his laughter, “Are you still in high school? That sounds so fucking cheesy, I love it.” You tried your best to make yours look neat but due to how nervous you were, the handwriting ended up a little messy. “You send it to him!” You exclaim, shoving the folded note. “Like hell I am!” Nishitani moved back and called for a hostess who so happened to be the same hostess from before.

“Is your manager available right now, pretty lady?” “Yes, actually. He’s at the rooftop and taking a break. Is there anything you need from him?” The hostess answered and blinked when the both of you handed your letters to her. “Can you give us a favor and give ‘im these? You can throw Y/N’s in the trash.” “No, you throw his in the trash!” The hostess grinned and shakes her head before taking them. “I’ll give these to him then, I’ll be back.”

As you waited patiently, playing with your glass, you thought if your letter was good enough. Nishitani looked pretty confident and to be honest? You were starting to lose the fire in you. This was a bad idea. You would just make a fool out of yourself to the guy you like!

“Nishitani, I shouldn’t have given away that letter.” You only got a smack on the back of your head as Nishitani groaned, retreating his hand away, “You dumbass. This was your idea. You gotta suck it up and own up to it.” “That’s not a good thing to say to your friend.” You pout as you rub your head. 

“Still, I don’t think he’ll even look at mine.” The yakuza sighs and pours himself a glass. “If he does, I’ll beat him up. There, does that make you feel better?” “That would just make me feel worse!” You scold but you had a smile on your face, making Nishitani grin, showing his slightly sharp teeth.

A few minutes later, the hostess came back, and much to your surprise, Majima was with her. He looked almost bored as the hostess pulled him in front the both of you. “I wanted Majima-san to personally give them to you!” Majima sighs and watched you sheepishly apologize before he handed back your letters. “Thanks so much, Majima-san!” The hostess looked delighted as the man quickly walked away to another table, almost flustered.

“He’s gonna love my drawing! I’m gonna keep this forever!” Nishitani cackles before he opened his letter with a grin. You then took a deep breath and opened yours, seeing if he said something too.

To Majima-san,

I know that I’m just a customer but I want to say that I like you and I admire you a lot. I have been for a long time, and only now did I got the courage to express my feelings. At first, I thought it was a simple crush but as time passed by, that feeling never went away. In fact, I think I like you a lot more now. Would you mind going out with me at Osaka King sometime?  I completely understand if you don’t like me back and if you don’t want to go out, no matter what happens, I will continue to support you and the staff here in Cabaret Grand as your loyal customer!

“Ah man, he only gave a note about how I sucked at drawing him! That asshole!” Nishitani grumbled, “What about you?” He looked at you only to see that you were practically frozen in your position, staring at the letter with wide eyes. “What?” He blinked and went for a peek. “He said yes..” You gape and cover your mouth, letting him read it as you were too speechless to even do anything.

             -L/N Y/N

Sure, I would love to. What does 10 am tomorrow sound like? : )                                                   - Goro Majima

“The fucker actually did it,” Nishitani mumbled and you looked around for Majima, seeing that he was still in the VIP room. Like he had known you were looking for him, he turned around and the two of you made eye contact. You beamed at him and he smiled, chuckling a bit before he went on his way. You were breathless, holding your cheeks together with bright eyes and a lovestruck smile.

That was a date.

[hargrove-mayfields]

so sorry im late asking this (i was waiting for you to get more, super surprised you didn’t get more asks tbh) but could I hear more about your wips “I have a crush on Barbara Holland” “baby fic” and “HOH Steve” also if it’s not too much “girlyfriends” and “cali house” and “medical emergency” ik ik that’s a lot but I’d honestly want hear about ALL of you wips in that list if i could. thank u in advance

It’s alright anon! I’ll accept these asks until I run out of WIPs to talk about!

I have a crush on Barbara Holland- This one is a soulmates au, where Steve has his soulmates initials, B.H., on his wrist, and he is whole heartedly convinced that that person is Barb. He’s very much in love with her, and there’s lots of talk about how pretty and nice she is (hence the title lol) but eventually she reveals that he isn’t her soulmate. Before she had hid the initials on her own wrist under a watch or a chunky bracelet, but she feels guilty, and shows Steve that her mark had long ago faded, because her soulmate passed away when they were in elementary school. Steve decides, despite how much value he used to hold in the whole soulmate thing, he doesn’t care about who some stupid mark says he should be with, so him and Barb date until her death. He’s heart broken, but the sadness very quickly turns into so much anger after Billy Hargrove, another B.H. rolls into town with a little S.H. on his wrist. He feels like the universe or whoever is even in charge of this soulmate bullshit is spiting him for thinking he could fall in love with someone he wasn’t destined to be with, so he rejects Billy for a long, long time, even after he himself figured it out that Steve is his match. When he does start to feel that way about Billy, he struggles with so much guilt and has to go through a very long grieving process to be comfortable with his feelings, because he’s not even sure if they’re his genuine feelings or the work of this soulmate bond. Very long and very angsty.

baby fic- Nancy gets pregnant that first time at the party with Tommy and Carol, and her and Steve try really really hard to make things work out for their baby, but it just isn’t meant to be. They make an arrangement that the Harringtons are very not pleased with, where Nancy has the baby at the Byers house half the time (because let’s be honest I think the Wheelers house is not really a safe place to be raising a baby) and Steve has her the rest of the time. Because it was like, a much more mature breakup without the cheating and the drunken confessions, they’re still pretty close friends. When the upside down starts making an appearance again, they have to try to figure out how to navigate it with this little four month old baby, and that means getting some help involved. Billy shows up at the Byers and instead of a fight, Steve’s all exhausted like oh good, you’re finally here, and gives him the worlds fastest run down of this monster fighting shit with a crying baby on his hip, and like, Billy just can’t say no to him asking him to go into the tunnels while he watches the baby. There is eventual Harringrove after a while, but it’s a slow burn for sure. This is also probably the least serious and least angsty thing I have ever started to write.

HOH Stevie- They’re all in the government hospital getting their post Starcourt once overs, Billy and El of course being rushed into surgery, and Steve’s about to get discharged when he gets addressed by name and just, does not respond at all. The doctor is like hmm, and checks his ears, and they find out he has almost no hearing in his left ear, and only about forty percent in the right. All that head trauma from the Russians and then all of the explosions of the fireworks, it leaves him deaf.

Everyone tries to be supportive, but his dad refuses to let him get hearing aids because he doesn’t believe he actually needs them (Steve’s a diagnosed hypochondriac) so for the next several months while his parents are still home waiting for their next trip, he’s struggling. He basically gets iced out by the party because he just can’t hear anything they’re saying, and the kids get tired of repeating themselves, and Nancy got insulted the one time he told her her voice is too quiet, and Robin wants to do things right for him, but she forgets sometimes, and will ramble on about something without looking at him and everytime he’s like great, I didn’t catch a single word of that, lovely talk though. It’s very frustrating and isolating and nobody seems to want to make accommodations for him.

The very same day that his parents leave for their latest vacation, he goes back to hospital. At first he just has to get more testing done, since it had been upwards of six months since the last time they saw him, and on his way out he notices Max in the waiting room chairs. He hadn’t seen much of her at all since Starcourt, so he checks on her, and at first she tells him to go away, because her friends have said some not so nice things about how much time she spends at the hospital, and assumes Steve is there to tell her Billy isn’t worth it too. Because that’s not the case, he ends up going in the room to visit Billy with her.

They do the small talk, the awkward, sorry about the fact that you’ve been in the hospital for six months now and nobody wants to come see you thing, and at some point Billy realizes that Steve can’t hear a damned thing he’s saying. He tests his theory by saying Steve’s name when he’s not looking and just waiting for him to answer but, surprise he doesn’t because he didn’t hear it at all, and Billy’s just like, you’re deaf aren’t you?

The progression of the fic is basically Steve coming to visit Billy everytime he has an appointment for his hearing (and more, but Bill doesn’t know that) but the day of his last appointment to make sure his hearing aids are functioning as well as they ever will for how bad off his hearing is, Billy’s acting different.

When he’d first walked into his room Billy had been surprisingly bright eyed and bushy-tailed for what he went through, but now he’s just acting all mopey. Max makes him tell Steve what’s wrong, and he confesses that he feels like he’s going to get left behind now that Steve’s all better, because then he has no real reason to visit him anymore. But Steve has one very good reason, and the rest of the story is him making sure Billy knows it.

girlyfriends- This’n’s sort of a non-canon compliant character study about aromantic! Billy, focusing on how awful and uncomfortable he felt with his past girlfriends, messing up dates and never going as far as they wanted him to, which at the time he pinned on liking boys instead, but then after he gets with Steve, he feels like this is different and he likes it, but he’s still not too big on all the lovey dovey, romance stuff. He rationalizes it as like, maybe just being a side effect of him being an asshole or something, but he‘s actually super insecure about how he is in relationships. There is a fluffy resolution though where he embraces his identity, it’s really not all doom and gloom, boo hoo I hate myself stuff.

cali house- Years after Starcourt, the boys have moved to a decent house in California using their government hush hush money, and they’re there for only about a month when Billy’s mother shows up at their door.

She says she caught wind that her son was back in town and wanted to come see him, after all this time. Billy of course lets her back in his life immediately, his mom meant so much to his recovery process and now that she’s here, he can’t turn her away, but Steve’s a little suspicious of her intentions.

He thinks that if she wanted to see Billy, she would’ve done that years ago before he ever even left Cali in the first place, or that you know, she wouldn’t have fucking left him behind. He tries to bring it up with Billy gently, but he won’t hear it, and he feels beyond hurt by the suggestion because he thinks Steve is just jealous that he’s spending time with his mother, who he hasn’t seen for upwards of fifteen years at this point.

They fight and avoid each other for a few days until Billy’s momma admits when he brings it up, over lunch or something saying like, “Steve thought you were using me or something, isn’t that crazy?” and she’s just like “Well, actually...”and tells him that money was tight, and she needed a little extra money, so Billy and his disability checks and his rich (boy)friend seemed like the perfect opportunity to get some.

He goes back home to Steve and expects him to be mad, to rub it in that he was right, but he’s really not, he’s super supportive, and you know, Billy finally realizes he doesn’t need to have this bullshit family thing with his mother, because he already has one, Max and Steve and his friends and all the people that actually care about him.

medical emergency (tw attempted suicide)-

Billy, who’s living on his own in an apartment downtown after Starcourt, deliberately doesn’t get his prescriptions refilled because he’s so done. He’s weak and he’s hurting and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore, and he just feels like he wouldn’t care if his body gave up, if he suffocated in his sleep or had another heart attack. So he doesn’t take care of himself, and when he runs out of oxygen he just doesn’t go get anymore, but he’s halfway to choking on his own blood when he realizes he doesn’t want to die.

He calls Steve, because he’s not calling the cops and he can’t remember anyone’s numbers in his panic, but Steve’s is written on his calendar, scribbled there because they were supposed to make plans for something with the kids. Steve takes him to the hospital, having to fight him to put the CPAP on him to make sure his lungs didn’t collapse before they could get him to Hawkins General, and Billy’s just, so bone tired.

They do all their treatment stuff and get his body back under control, so Steve finally asks him what happened, if maybe he needed someone around to help him remember his meds and stuff, and Billy just, he breaks, like a dam overfilled he just pours out with all of this helplessness and sadness he’d been feeling, how he doesn’t want to live the way he does or at all anymore, and Steve’s heart just breaks for him.

He moves in with him, nobody’s willing to leave him alone after what happened, and Steve (along with Billy getting a new therapist because the old one was incompetent enough to not notice how bad off he was) helps him to realize he has something to live for.

[energyanon]

Surprise reading as I can’t seem to shake off the curiosity. Ok, I’m gonna set them up in relation to this drama. Personally, I don’t believe it. NV would have to have various personality disorders in order for this to be true, among 5000 other reasons why that is not normal, sane human behaviour. But the Instagram.. so many things don’t match up. However, both me and another anon felt fuzzy headed when we were representing her.. maybe it’s not just her overthinking, maybe it’s something more relating to some kind of disorder, but that’s not my place to say. Let’s check it out. Once again I’m gonna type as I go.

I’ve decided for three set ups here: 1. NV, 2. The group chat as a whole as cited on said Instagram, and 3. Henry.

Set up 2. (The GC) first. I picked up NV and got a headache.

First flag: Natalie wanted to be on top of the GC… that’s weird..

Henry is at a distance but he is staring at them both. Starting to feel like I may have been wrong in my judgment here ha.. 😬 I’m really hoping it’s not true cause otherwise that’s fucking sad and NV has genuine issues. But, I’m ok with being wrong.

Alright, let’s start as NV (cause GC, I feel I already know their feelings regardless of if it’s true or not) FYI, I have moved NV to being close but not on top, as one energy on top of - group of energies would be much too hard to decipher.

NV:

Immediate dizziness. I feel very hot and my air con is currently blasting down upon me so it’s not me. The group chat feels very little to NV. like tiny, as in I could step on them. (1. This can mean they’re not even being seen, she barely cares about them, or 2. Can feel more powerful than) as we know in the screenshots the latter was supposedly the case, so I’m not going to cross that out just yet, but it feels more like I’m just not even seeing them. they’re dirt under my feet. They don’t really have her attention and she’s not super bothered by them, but once I brought her attention to it She does want to stamp it out, it’s a complete nuisance. She wants to cover them up. I gave them a little tap, which ended turning into many taps which turned into actually wanting to destroy their rep all together. so she’s angry about it. (At this point I don’t know if she’s angry about This situation being a lie, as in she’s sick of these people doing this to her, or if she’s genuinely angry at the group for exposing her) the tiny dirt now feels a bit bigger but more like a basketball sized nuisance. She still feels bigger than them, it’s just that this is so ANNOYING. Still wants to rip them up into little pieces, she’s annoyed, she’s moving me around a whole bunch, she’s angry, she’s frustrated, she’s tying her hair up, she’s not having it. like it’s fucking annoying. this is all so ANNOYING. She’s stressed, she’s annoyed, she wants this over and done with.

No more energy shifts. Incoming questions.

Q: do you know them?

No I don’t fucking know them

Ok do you think that was a friend who exposed you?

I don’t know I can’t think I- (just a bunch of profanities) [note: it’s like she’s keyboard smashing in my brain right now it’s REALLY annoyed]

Jaw clenched, I’m swaying from side to side my hands are on my hips, hair away from my face I want to move somewhere else but I need to deal with THIS FUCKING THING FIRST ISHDJFKSJXJDSNX.

god it is SO ANNOYING like if you guys were all in front of me right now you’d be heading me yelling and screaming and So irritated I’m so I’m SO Annoyed. I can’t even think of any other questions to ask cause I’m too busy getting keyboard smashed atm.

I’m gonna move to the group to just see if the intentions there are legit. I need a break from NV.

Ok the group:

the group have some anxiety, stomach dropped. They’re not angry they’re just looking at NV. None of them can be sure if It was NV - I think some of them doubt but it was a “get it out just in case” situation. At least one of them feel bad. Nervous jitters from my right leg. You know how you fidget when you’re waiting to get in trouble?

Q: do you believe it was NV?

There are many of them so I’ll just say it as it came up. No (1) I don’t know (majority) one of them is a yeah, feels like the leader of the group but even then the yeah isn’t a solid resounding yeah. But it’s also not like a “yeaahhh?” It’s like I’m just gonna make a decision and it’s yeah.

Q: are you mad that nv is with Henry

I’m not mad (1)

We’re not mad, we just think he could do better. (Majority)

Q: why did you do this

To expose her

Q: why to expose her if you didn’t truly believe it was her

There is a very weak “it was the right thing to do” like.. when I say weak it feels like they don’t even believe that, but they’ve convinced themselves it is..?

Q: at any point did you lie or fabricate the screenshots?

Resounding no, but one solid yes from someone.

Q: Yes?

One of them.

Q: which one

(I was shown one of them, it was one of the purple and black ones, one where there isn’t much purple - I’ll have to check it after)

Ok, my leg isn’t going crazy anymore - there is just an expectant waiting. They’re looking at NV, she’s taller than them but not much taller (not like they’re a basketball being looked down upon, just normal human heights) the feeling is just waiting. Waiting to see if there is a response. That’s it, that’s all I’ve been given I can’t even conjure Up another question. (Sometimes when the energy is done sharing its just done, I can’t force it past that and I’m not in my right to)

Checking Henry:

Henry is tired, he’s disillusioned, he’s just staring into space. The other two are in front of him (facing one another) but he doesn’t see them. Genuinely no thoughts from him it’s complete disassociation. But I did ask if he knew about this situation, he doesn’t seem to know yet.

And yet he’s still disassociating.. the thought “I don’t know what to do” came up, but it was so slow and fractured it was like… you know that video of that kid who’s trying to say have you ever had a dream that you could do anything but he muddles it up for 20 seconds before getting to it? It’s like that (I’ll link it when I’m done)

“I don’t kn- I just I - what do I ev- wh-“ and it keeps going but imagine it taking FOREVER for him to say it.

He’s stuck in the disassociation. Weird choice, but I need to do it. I’m gonna slap him. (Which yes, means slapping myself)

Ok, that didn’t make much difference, he’s still super tired, he still didn’t see the other two but I tried to bring his attention to NV and he was already turning around to leave “I don’t care, I don’t care I’m too tired” and then he turned back and said to NV to clarify “I do care, but I don’t, I’m tired” and I took him out cause he was walking out of there anyway.

Back to NV one last time, and then I’m doing other stuff with my day and then I’ll do CE tonight.

NV

It’s always dizziness with this chick, I swear. Everytime im with her I’m dizzy, I’m losing blood pressure. She’s calmed down at least but fuck I’m dizzy more dizzy than I usually am (can be her, could also be me continuously going into different energies, I don’t tend to feel like this though but don’t rule it out)

Dizzy, Im not tired, but fatigued like I don’t need to sleep, I need to just lay down. I see the GC but they can fuck off I don’t care. She wants to kick them out of the way. As soon as she does she wants to leap out at them and tear them to shreds. She goes from 1- 100 real quick. I don’t want her to destroy my representative for the group, cause I don’t want anything to accidentally manifest in real time for the actual group, so im going to create a little thing that she can destroy instead - just in case there are any energetic consequences of her destroying the representation of the GC. Found a little piece of paper I called it placebo GC and we’re tearing it up.

Ok so, I got her to tear up Placebo GC. She got raveonous with it. I am now coming to believe that NV has some major anger issues. To be fair, im feeling how annoyed she is and I get it honestly it’s the only way to get out this level of emotion. It’s not healthy, therapy is needed for sure, but I’m not gonna sit here like this and say that she’s overreacting cause when you’re feeling like she is, there’s no where else for this to go

She ripped them up, crushed them, tore at them with her teeth, crushed them into a little ball again and chucked them away and then we just screamed “FUCK!” For literally about 3 minutes and she was LIVID. I’ve sat her down now while I write this, she’s still annoyed, she’s not livid.

Interesting to note though, all throughout the screaming there was never a single thought that came up that was like “why can’t they just let US live, why can’t we just BE together” she really doesn’t seem to care about the affect it has on her and Henry’s relationship, she’s just annoyed people are talking shit. Like she just doesn’t care that people won’t accept them.

Oh! I haven’t checked on her vs. HC so lemme do that. I wanna see if she checks up on him too, cause from a normal relationship perspective, this would affect him too. But let’s see.

Yup, ok, nothing from her end, if anything she’s giving him the silent treatment. Like she’s looking at him in the way you do when your partner has said something stupid and you’re too angry to answer. But she doesn’t care that he’s there. I went to him also to see if he would comfort her and he was just a brick wall, kind of more like “here I am I’m showing up but idc. I really idc. Sorry that you’re going through it I guess.” Both of them had the ~aura~ (I don’t know how to explain it on text) of “this did not go as planned” however, they didn’t SAY that, just as an FYI, it was just a bit of a shared feeling translated into words.

That’s it. I’m ending it there. I’ve got life admin to do, be back later for a CE reading as promised. :)

[dat-silvers-girl]

Im sorry but all the teachers always punished Sarahi and never gave her a chance?? I can understand Snape but even Mcgonagall, Flitwick and Sprout were like this? That seems kinda out of character for them...

Your short answer is yes. Every Professor, at some point in their life, have given Sarahi a hard time and has punished her, even Flitwick and Sprout. Even if she's not given any punishment and goes scot-free, she's explicitly lectured about what she did was wrong. For Sarahi, even these small lectures, detentions and punishments took a toll on her, because she's a student who from her childhood has constantly been conditioned into thinking that an adult or authority figure's validation is the only validation that matters. So when she doesn't recieve it from anyone in that authority position, she feels like she's doing everything wrong. It isn't until Rakepick shows up as an authority figure and validates her, that she realises she's actually doing the right thing by helping with the Vaults. It's only after Year 4 that she picks up in Dumbledore's lies and manipulation, and the uselessness of the Professors she once respected. Rakepick, evil or not, opened Sarahi's eyes to everything wrong that was going around her. To every tactic an adult in an authority position uses to keep children under control. And Rakepick used some of those, but not all of them. And she welcomed MC's challenging (even if it did lead to our wand getting broken).

I can explain more, so this is going to be a loooong answer anon. If you're interested, strap in. Let me explain my viewpoint on faculties and authority. And please do not scold me. In my attempt to read between the lines, I have realized things that I will put below the cut.

--------------------

It's a hard truth to accept, but as a grown up who's just now understanding the Harry Potter plot and and also Jam City's terribly written Hogwarts Mystery plot, I have begun to pick up things that have made me realise that the Hogwarts faculty, even the nice ones like Sprout and Flitwick, aren't the best. But I wouldn't call it out of character. Sometimes bending the rules is a good thing. But if your nice teacher also conforms to the rules even if they know it's a wrong rule, then they wouldn't help a student in need either.

Let me give an example: Let's say you have this very nice teacher. She's very patient, repeats things without getting mad, genuinely enjoys teaching and is nice to kids and tries to understand them. This teacher witnesses you pushing a bully to defend yourself, and brings you both to the Principal. Your school has a zero-tolerance policy, and because of that both you and your bully is being suspended for a week. Your teacher tells you "It was right of you to defend yourself." But she doesn't do anything to tell the Principal how a kid shouldn't be suspended for just defending themselves. Even if the Principal doesn't listen to her, even an attempt to make tell the Principal that the rule is wrong would be appreciated. But she does nothing. You still get suspended, and not to mention, still get bullied when you come back. This teacher STILL does nothing.

You once believed that this teacher would at least try to stick up for you for doing the right thing, because she knows you were bullied, but she still conforms to the rules that she knows are wrong. No matter how nice she is, would you trust her again?

This exact bullying situation is the first conflict MC ever has in Year 1. We made it clear to Flitwick that we intended to duel only to defend ourselves, and as promised, that's exactly what we did. But we were still punished, and Flitwick did nothing to stop it. And the more I think about it, the more disappointed I am in this nice teacher who brings out dancing cupcakes to cheer up sad students.

And let's talk about McGonagall as well. For a moment, just pretend the Harry Potter franchise didn't set her up as a wonderful heroic teacher already. Let's just see her as she is from MC's point of view. It's been established that she's a good, albeit strict teacher. That's fine. But her punishments is where she's going overboard, as I came to realise very recently with the Dragon Club and Sphinx Club TLSQs. Shutting down whole clubs for the stupid mistake of one member? That's a horrible way to deal with the situations in both quests! This is the equivalent of taking 150 points from Gryffindor for the first ever offence of three first years, who's only offence was talking to Hagrid later than they should have. And then, she punishes them by making them do the exact thing she punished them for, but WORSE. She sends these first years into the Forbidden Forest, known dangerous land, to serve detention, late at night. I'm noticing a pattern, and it's seems that over the top punishments aren't OOC for McGonagall after all. Which is disappointing to me considering how much I loved her as a kid. Don't get me wrong, she's still an amazing person, and she certainly cares more about her students than Dumbledore did, but still. I'm just a tad disappointed in her.

This is the entirety of the Hogwarts faculty in a nutshell. Replace the bullying with the more destructive and dangerous Cursed Vaults. Despite saying "Let the adults deal with it" many MANY times, they are never seen dealing with the problems, instead are only seen making rules to keep the students more and more locked down. And these lockdowns, even when they are announced to the entire school, almost everyone can tell that they are specifically to keep MC under control. Which is from the very beginning, was a soul-crushing way to deal with MC's issues. They lock MC down to keep them from finding answers... Answers that MC wouldn't have to chase if the faculty had just answered their questions themselves.

Now here's an explanation about who the default MC is: From the moment we are introduced to our protagonist, one thing is clear... They have lost their older brother, and whether they love him or not, it's affecting their lives. They are an outcast from moment one, and after doing some homework on the entire franchise, thanks to friends who have answered a lot of my (sometimes stupid) questions, I now know that Dumbledore preys on outcasts. That's why he sent Harry to be raised by his awful uncle and aunt, to make him an outcast, and see him as someone who had his best interests at heart, when he really didn't. He basically raised Harry to die. He's trying this same tactic with MC, but they are managing to break away, which is a subtle thanks to Rakepick's influence. Hagrid was one of these outcasts as well. Sirius was an outcast as well, but he did not accept Dumbledore as that all-knowing wizard, and that led him to Azkaban. Heck, even poor Hagrid ended up in Azkaban because of Dumbledore's negligence.

MC's life is constantly a challenge because of their missing brother. I don't know about all MC's, but if your MC is the kind who loves Jacob, then this student is a child still grieving the loss of their older brother, and can never even move on or live it down because someone always reminds them. MC constantly asks about what happened to Jacob for the first few years, but the faculty has never given them a proper answer. So how can you ask this child to stop looking for the answers to questions you refuse to answer? And punish them for just trying to find out what happened to their lost sibling? With constantly telling MC to stop with the Cursed Vaults, the faculty basically sends a message that, "You should forget about your bother and move on. What happened to him is not your problem." And the entire faculty does this in some way, not just Snape and McGonagall.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there... But well. This is my point of view.

[sukirichi]

[ BROKEN RECORDS ; asks ] 

💌 — love letter from @kyriaan​

from track 007. 

Okay okay im still kinda meh'ish' but i really wanted to answer you so 😭 ill try to compile both my answer to your answer on my love letter and my hyped review on track 7 <3 so yeah another long ass rant from me 😩💕Suki... Suki pls I totally forgot Tsumu had a crush on us Suki... And then poor Tsumu ir there sulking cause he still likes u- JFBFBDVDVSJCHDHSIA omfg i wanted so much to hug him my baby I like him so much 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and he was trying so hard to behave while just sitting there sad fhfhfvbbshsjfhbdjaofhffhsoshd TSUMU YOU'RE STILL IN MY TOP 3 BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 

And then you throw the whole dancing scene with suna and I dont know whos on my top 3 anymore 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 SUKIIIIIIII THAT SCENE ALONE GJGJBFBSJCNFNKSOSNF OMFG IM FALLING SO HARD FOR SUNA I THINK? I think my top 3 had 4 dudes in it cause 3rd place has Suna and Atsumu tied?? Hfhfbfbfhdhsja I CANT PICK?? BUT BUT I WAS FEELING STUPIDLY DOWN WHEN READING THAT AND THAT SCENE ALONE MADE ME FEEL SO SOFT IT WAS SO CUTE AND OMG IF SUNA DID THAT TO ME I WOULD DROP ON MY KNEES AND ASK HIM TO MARRY ME CAUSE OMFGGGFFFF DUDE EVEN WENT AHEAD AND SAID THAT WHOLE 'HES GOING TO BE ONE LUCKY GUY'

Oh shit im crying again that scene lets me emotional 😭😭😭😭 someone get me a sunrin irl pls

Anyways the way that suna knows y/n is just.... FUCKING END UP TOGETHER ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST JBVSHSJBEHSISJ

Also how powerful are we?? HOW FUCKING POWERFUL ARE WE TO SCORE SUNA KITA AND TSUMU?? ARE YOU GONNA TELL. ME IF OIKAWA MOFO TOORU APPEARED HE WOULD ALSO BE ON HIS KNEES FOR US?? (okay no wait... No nooo i would legit drop anyones ass for tooru hes that powerful for me like sorry suna was fun but TOORU)

Yo nah but the whole Kita sex scene- let me breath bestie LET ME BREATH CAUSE I WAS HOT BUT AT SAME TIME I WAS FEELING GUILTY 😂😂😂😂 ESPECIALLY WHEN HE WAS FEELING DISAPPOINTED NEXT DAY LIKE KITA PLS BABY WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?? 😬😬😬😬 But at same time his 'ill fuck the thought of him out of you tonight' I ALMOST MOANED YASSSSS TELL ME DADDY HOLY SHITTTTT

👀👀👀👀 Still not a kita simp ✌️✌️🤏✌️

Okay Kita deserves the best tho I mean okay he went there as a y/n mom's plan but he did ended up helping alot... Especially cause he knows no matter what y/n heart will always be suna's and pls give Kita the best ending possible cause he deserves someone who will trully love him and show him the world cause mah boy deserves it

*breaths in breaths out* i hated this scene- not in a bad way but shit i hate rejections... To the point im kinda afraid of confessing now cause i despise the feeling of being rejected... The best i can descrive it it like this coldness in your chest that descends your whole body and then you feel frozen in place.. Thats how it feels for me I hate it I absolutely despise it- its also the feeling i have when in a really bad situation and ugh...

The suna part made. Me feel this no matter how many times i reread it the feeling doesnt lessen it keeps being there cause (okay you probably are tired already of me saying this but) Suki I feel like I cant put it in words how much of a fucking good of a writer you are. Ill go ahead and say you are by far my favorite writer the fact i always feel so engaged and the fact i always feel like im there its just- it blows my mind.

I felt like suna was personally rejecting me and i hated it- i swear the moment he said prove it I almost screamed HOW? My brain had to take a moment to just slap me and say: 'kya you reading this is not happening chill-' cause i was already sobbing uncontrollably... I even whimpered the dont leave me 😬 my sadass went to bed feeling so sad thanks to suna... Man i wanted so much to hug him and i swear i would give him as much love as he gave y/n cause well i kin suna alot in this series cause im like that im a giver i treat others the way i would like to be treated (reason why ive been down lately ✌️) and i cant blame suna for finally setting boundaries- his call tho 'do i not stand a chance with you anymore y/n? Are you really not capable of falling in love with me?".... Oh suna... We are in love with you.. We always were we're just fucking stupid 😩

Also mari pls go jump off a cliff <3 youre in need dear cause sleeping with other man just to separate suna and y/n <3 i want so much to punch her 🙂🙃

Now for the love letter part (im so sorry for this being so long ✌️)

You said that if we asked suna he woukd say that he genuinely loved mari okay... Ill go ahead and say yes he liked mari he even learned how to love her and he genuinely cared for her BUT and heres where my personal view comes in so maybe ill be biased here still for me that was just a he loves her as in he cares you also love your friends and care for them but he didnt love her- and by this I mean- he could never be fully committed for her. Yes he loved her and he felt happy with her but like track 7 proved everything he would do in the back of his mind was y/n he deeply wished Mari was her and for that he just loved Mari cause he learned how to care about her- but he never forgot who he trully was in love it. Also the happiness he experienced with Mari was pretty much the one I experienced the bliss of having someone there and that bliss also made suna turn a blind eye to all the red flags from Mari cause to him all the jealousy meant she cared and thats toxic but suna was so desperate for some sort of 'she cares' that even all the possessiveness was bliss for him... And that makes my heart clench for suna...

'suna had to put an effort for the relationship' and saddly i feel like mari didnt... Mari didnt care mari was there because she was a fangirl of suna and got lucky, the way she just discarded him so effortlessly that proved-screamed how much she loved him- she didnt. She was just possessive over him she liked the whole 'hes mine' dynamic and suna was the perfect boyfriend cause he was giving her the world... What he wanted someone to do for him.

Also yeah suna and y/n might have been spurred from them being fuck buddies but well love doesnt really have an agenda- they just clicked, understood each other and had chemistry yeah they had tons and tons of sex but feelings started not because of sex but thanks to their deep connection... Also that dsncing scene in track 7 that alone spoke for their whole relationship- that alone is enough to defend their feelings for each other- yes it might jave started just as fuck buddies but ended up in them loving each other deeply and that is enough love after all doesnt need a perfect start. It can start out of the most stupid ways.

You said life with excitement and fun wouldn't be permanent or real.. Honestly i think it could be.. Cause i mean when you love someone that deeply your life always feels exciting even with the littlest things and that the purest kind of love. Even just going for a walk at the beach would be fun for them or even staying up watching movies i believe suna and y/n would always find a way to make their lofe exciting without much effort.

Also it kinda makes me. Sad when i see some anon saying that y/n and suna relationship are toxic? It makes me. Confused maybe because I was in such extremely toxic one (girl i sweat if you search for toxic relationship my ex's face will be there as an example 🙄) that Mari to me screams toxic! Possessive, manipulative, jealous and a few more if I think closely about it while with y/n and suna they are just two idiots that are hurting each other cause they're just that: idiots one that is afraid to get hurt and the other that keeps hoping- dont get me wrong what they're doing is not healthy but i dont find it toxic honestly

Sorry for the extreme long rant 8D I tried to keep it short but you always make me so hyped to talk about your works 😩

Hfbfbfhfhfieia

[ from saeren ]

NAHHH CUZ I LOVE TSUMU SO MUCH HERE HE WAS SO PRECIOUS. I didn’t write too much about them in college but Atsumu was so cute when he crushed on YN. he was always sending her memes and cute texts like “have you eaten” “good morning” and she’d feel so awkward because she doesn’t know how to let him down easy without hurting him. either way tsumu would feel hurt. AND YES PLS HE WAS SO SAD I MEAN, HIS CRUSH AND HIS BEST FRIEND NEARLY HAD SEX RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM SO THAT’S GOING TO HURT

SUNA AND ATSUMU TIED?? tbh I loved that dancing scene bcos suna is one of my faves and I really wanna do that with him hehehhehe. NAHHH PLEASE SAME IF SUNA DANCED WITH ME AND MADE A WEDDING PLAYLIST I’D BE LIKE boy what’re u waiting for let’s get married now !! n yes he said whoever YN will choose in the future will be one lucky guy IM SOBBING RN

naur cuz. there’s something about dating your best friend. I’m not saying a boyfriend wouldn’t know you as well but there’s something different when you’re best friends first. they could literally share eye contact and have a long ass conversation just from that. their connection is different.

HAJKALA AS FOR THE POWER, BR! YN IS A VERY CHARISMATIC AND FRIENDLY PERSON !! she’s like one of those people you meet that not only are they attractive as hell, but they’re also super approachable and down to earth. that’s why she’s so popular + she’s flirty and can make a stranger feel welcome or comfortable in the first meeting. SGSHJAK I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING TO ADD OIKAWA HERE BUT I WANNA MAKE IT MORE INARIZAKI CENTRED

the seggs scene with kita SOBSSSS he’s such a soft dom IDC he knows where the clit is, he knows how to hit it. he’s a “your pleasure first before mine” type of guy. kita is perfect, PERIODT. HE GIVES DADDY VIBES HUH AHSKAA HE’S SO SWEET YET SEXY IM IN LOVE WITH HIM ISTG IF SUNA WASN’T OUR BEST FRIEND THEN I’D RUN FOR KITA ALL THE TIME. and I agree, kita deserves the best !! and don’t worry, I actually plan on giving kita the best ending, I promise you he’ll be fine (slight spoiler there)

 YESSSSS OMG I’VE BEEN REJECTED BEFORE AND THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I FELT, MY BODY WAS SO COLD AND I WAS SO CONFUSED LIKE IT MAKES YOU THINK. am I not good enough, did I do something wrong, do you not wanna give me a chance or try it out but ofc I’d never say that out loud. AND KYAAA AAAH IM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER??? NO CUZ YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. I remember ur asks way back reckless era and you used to tell me that my writing made you picture the scenes easily and you felt you were there in that moment and I’m just so grateful thank you so much <33

NO BCOS WHEN SUNA SAID “prove it” I was like. this is it. that’s his hot boy shit moment. man’s has had enough of being thrown from one toxic relationship to another and he also deserves his good moments yknow. and you kin suna here?? BESTIE IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, SUNA’S BEEN THROUGH A LOT HERE AHSJAKA. that’s true about suna tho !! he’s definitely affectionate + a giver. he’s happy being the one who gives most of the time but he’s a human as well, ofc he’d want to receive the same amount of love back. ALSO HIS PHONE CALLLLLL ugh tbh that part was the one that made me the saddest bcos he’s just. he wants to know if there’s really no more chance. all this time he never gave up. but he’s also tired so if yn says ‘no more’ then he’ll give up. its his way of respecting himself too ahsjaka

YOOOOO I AGREE WITH THAT. he cares for mari as a person but not 100% as a lover. but ofc he’s still thankful for how happy she made him because she was there at his worst. and that’s true, deep down suna still wishes that it was YN who’s right beside him. he will always ALWAYS want her back. he learned how to love mari in a way that was more out of mutual care but not in the way he loves YN. no that’s reserved only for YN – she will remain no 1 in his heart. AND YESSSSS the reason why suna overlooked the red flags was bcos to him, its something that was supposed to be “normal” like no perfect partner existed. he thought mari’s attitude of pushing YN away was normal, and its normal to want your partner’s best friend keep some distance but not to the point of mari’s place where she literally wants the two of them to cut each other out of their lives.

and aww I’m so happy that you realized how I wanted to portray suna and yn’s relationship. they’re….like the definition of youth in its freest form. they were fucking around and doing stupid things, but they had a connection. they had something deeper than just sexual intimacy. even if they never dated or even if YN never proposed the idea of it, they would’ve actually been still great friends. and oooh I actually don’t remember saying life with excitement and fun wouldn’t be real HAHAHAHA so I can’t comment further on that. but I think when I ‘said’ those I probably meant that it’s not always going to be all rainbows and unicorns in a relationship. there’s no such thing as a relationship that’s always happy and sweet 24/7, but ofc it can be sweet and it can be pure even with the little things <33 they just need to work on it.

hmmm tbhhhh… suna and yn are toxic in a way that they refuse to let each other go when they clearly can’t meet halfway. toxic doesn’t have to be limited in just being mari-like in which they are possessive or manipulative, because then if we’d drive deeper into yn’s personality, then she’d be stringing suna all along and that’s unfair of her. she knows suna wants more and yet she remained being friends with him, which totally isn’t a bad thing, but it’s because she keeps flirting with him and is so romantically comfortable with him that she doesn’t realize it’s hurting suna because he’ll give double meanings to that. their relationship is ‘toxic’ because they’re not entirely good for each other, they’re not that ready to be with one another yet and neither is the world letting them be in peace, so forcing their relationship to a point they’re hurting another is the toxic part.

[ from @kyriaan ]

Ah also not me feeling all proud and mushy cause my analysis made you mind blown fjfbdnsjdkpa 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I guess its also because i see this story as a really big mirror of my own toxic relationship sonits extremely easy for me to get it... And oh boy the way i kin suna here

But dhdhfjdospdhfbsoa 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i feel happy now *huggles*

[ from saeren ] 

and aah yes ofc, I’m really happy whenever someone can see the underlying details I scatter throughout the story !! yeah omg same hahahaha broken records is also half inspired by the toxic people I’ve met. I kin kita here tho and I’m so glad you’re happier now !!

[weraceasone]

its a shame that max has a bad character, he was what pulled me into watching f1 but the more i watch, the more apparent how unlikeable he is. i do want him to win, because he's always so good and consistent, but it's so hard to root for him at times. but i guess it's easy to look at another person and say, "yeah he's a bad person", do you feel me? this is a bit of rant, apologies. I do have a question though, what do you think about some drivers not kneeling? im not black, so i feel like its not my place to say much, but youre so well spoken i thought i would ask. thank you, and have a nice day!

hey Anon! I really love this question, as I have a lot of thoughts on it. before I start, I want to say I am a white person who grew up in a white country, I acknowledge I speak from a place of privilege and I acknowledge I do not have the same experiences as people who haven’t grown up in that environment. if I say anything that’s insensitive, please do let me know.

I don’t agree with the fact that some drivers don’t kneel. I think it undermines the whole ‘we race as one’ campaign. I think the drivers have a platform and it disappoints me to know that Lewis has tried to educate them, yet they will stand their ground and not do it. I don’t agree with it, I think this kind of stubbornness that they’ve shown of ‘I haven’t done it before, so why would I do it now?’ is annoying and childish. I think it’s a really privileged reaction to something that shouldn’t provoke that kind of reaction and it just annoys me.

I kind of want to divert the attention to something else that’s been on my mind and has to do with this. I think what we have going on in this community is really beautiful; to see so many people be so involved in the fight against social inequality and politics and getting educated and forming an opinion at a young age, that’s a beautiful thing. I believe that is something we can be really proud of. but something that I’ve seen happening on here quite a lot, is a kind of counterproductive reaction to all of this. I’ve seen anons ask genuine questions and sent their genuine opinions and the reaction that that often provokes is “well, it’s not my job to educate you”. why are we punishing the behavior we want to see? we want people to educate themselves, yet we will not give away even a sliver of what we are expecting from them. there’s no conversation without listening and understanding, that doesn’t exist. I just don’t believe in that, I don’t believe in guilting people because they do not meet my personal standards when I am leaving them completely in the dark about what kind of behavior I want to see.

like I said, I do not agree with the fact that some drivers do not kneel. however, I also do not believe in cancelling them. look at the people we’ve cancelled; we cancelled Carlos and then we laugh when he’s in a video with Lando and we cancelled Charles but still make a million gifs of Twitch Quartet moments. cancelling is just not a thing, it’s not progressive and often times it’s just a new way to attack one another. I’ve had countless anons telling me they are afraid of posting about a certain driver, because they’re afraid of the reaction they will receive for doing so. we shouldn’t look at other fans and have a ‘one strike and you’re out’ kind of reaction. the fight against social injustices shouldn’t become a competition of which person is more morally superior. I’m not saying; ‘let’s sweep everything under the rug’, I am saying speak out about what you think they’ve done wrong, name it, express the behavior you wish to see, but stop stomping other people in this community into the ground whenever they ask genuine questions. if we replaced cancel culture with critical thinking, we would have empathic conversations instead of emotional reactions and by talking, we can learn to separate honest mistakes from actual hate. I don’t think ignorance is evil. I think it’s okay to be ignorant if you are actively trying to undo that every day. asking questions isn’t stupid; if we don’t ask questions, we are never going to learn. but as a community, we just don’t know how to separate these things at the moment.

I’m very sorry that this got so long and basically turned into a rant, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a long time. I don’t really have anything more to say about the drivers not kneeling, I think what I said in the beginning basically covered all my thoughts on it. I do hope it answered your question, Anon. I hope you’re having a good day! 🧡

[mrpenguinpants]

Alright, I finally read Reincarnation no Kaben

AFTER MONTHS (it’s probably been a month? My mind doesn’t keep track of the days) I FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO RNK. Ty to Okita anon for the recommendation (*￣3￣)╭💕💕💕 I absolutely loved it. 

After this I’ll start on the other recommendation you gave me. I kept a bit of a log of my reading journey under the read more tag. 

Major spoilers for literally everything in RNK up to ch 53 “Withdrawal”. 

Oh, and I’ll finish answering all my leftover asks and I SHOULD have a fic done by tomorrow. I was so ready to write and then I got up. Now I’m back to bed. 

I’m just gonna write this as a log since I read super super slow and I’m only on ch 7 at the start of writing this but I’m really liking it already. Though to be fair. I love everything okita anon recommends haha. I remember you saying you were simping over Kouu and I haven’t gotten to the part where he appears but I wanted to quickly google what he looked like to prepare myself and I see this:

Well. That’s reassuring. 

I was actually kinda surprised by how many western figures were in the manga since I know there are only like 7? Around 7 western figures that pop up in any anime/manga but seeing people like Albert Fish was kinda surprising but I really liked it. Also, at the end of certain chapters they write little bio’s on them so you get to know more about them was such a nice touch.  I also love that the tradition of making males -> females still stays strong even outside the fate universe hehe.

---

Literally, the next chapter I see him. AHHHHHHHHH. Well maybe not him but his eyeballs. 

This guy lowkey reminds me of the MC’s brother but it’s 99% because he has the same long ponytail. I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother was apart of the the Greats. Honestly, Ein reminds me of those really hard headed girls that are actually really kind on the inside but aren’t good at expressing themselves (maybe because that’s pretty much her character). I also like that Ein doesn’t like males but she’s hiding behind this guy. At least, I’m..99% sure this is Ein. 

I FUCKING KNEW IT. AS SOON AS I SAW HE GOT A THEIF TALENT I COULD FEEL THE SOLO LEVELING VIBES IN ME. HE CAN STEAL TALENTS I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I’m surprised that Neumann didn’t say anything and  Haito seems to be aware of it.  

Edit: Ah okay, I understand a bit now but it almost seems like Haito is the only one aware of Toya’s second talent.

Edit 2: Okay, as much as I love power hungry MC’s I’m really glad they didn’t make Toya into that. I am such a softie for sympathetic and kind MC’s like these even though it’s been done so many times. I’m really glad this didn’t feel like a rehash. I mean, some points some of the stuff Toya says it does but it’s fine, I don’t mind that. I actually gave a crap about him since I usually prefer the side characters (I UNDERSTAND ANON, I CARE ABOUT KOUU SO MUCH AHHHHH) but HAITO?? AHHHHH. 

---

I like that Izo always has the same hat in every adaptation he’s in lol. Istg, cats are always op. Schrodinger seems so strong and the parallel universes are my absolute shit. Sometimes I think, in one universe I did this and in this universe I’m not. Would I rather stay in this universe or be in the one where I am actually productive. Usually I pick the productive universe and actually work but sometimes I’m a bit of a slacker haha. I think this is my approach to a lot of things in life. But I digress, I don’t wanna get too deep into my life. 

I can sorta sympathize with the sinners. At least the ripper guy to say the least. I love love love unhinged characters that just want to basically destroy the world or at least have fun. But then you find out- wait they are actually sympathetic oh no. That’s how I felt about Djoser in “im the great priest imhotep” (please...i beg...someone read this...I’m so starved). 

As much as character development and rooting for the hero is cool and all, I just want to simp for the crazy “let’s burn the world to the ground” kinda character. I’m also so glad Toya doesn’t automatically become evil and try and steal everyone’s talents because he does seem like a good person and I really don’t see him suddenly switching fields so when he saved (I don’t remember names I’m sorry), the undead solider it was really nice. Proves that he still has his humanity and isn’t strictly relying on the branch of sin. 

It makes sense that he wants to steal talents since he never had one (and it was kinda out of left field when he killed Vlad and we just never addressed that ever again haha) but to see him actually consider his actions and if he actually want’s to steal his teammates talents feels right to me. Poor guy doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends so this is the first time he’s ever seemed to have companionship, aside from Haito, so I really hope he doesn’t attempt to steal their talents. I think I’m thinking of the slime? That time I got reincarnated as a slime manga/anime. Where he’s the pokemon catcher of skills. I thought that was where it was going. 

But I do kinda like how selfish Haito and Toya’s talent stealing relationship is (I mean, later it develops but my first draft of writing this I wasn’t there yet). I’m not sure if selfish or like self-gratitude/pride is the right word but it’s kind of a breath of fresh air. Rather than Haito trying to contain or “help” Toya’s inferiority she’s actually encouraging it and using her own talent for her own...acknowledgement? Er, yeah let’s go with that. 

---

This. This interaction. I love this. Like, genuinely love this. We need more of this. Two people from opposite sides finding some common ground and their fight to the death is less about morals or whose on whose side but for themselves. I love that. This is actually some wholesome stuff. 

Edit: AHHHHH CATCH MY UGLY CRYING IN THE BACK BECAUSE ALL THE “SINNERS” ARE ACTUALLY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. IM DEAD. YOU’VE KILLED ME. 

---

I KNEW IT! YOU CAN NEVER TRUST THESE KIND OF PEOPLE!! I’m going to slap the whiteboard on this but if I see any “goofy” character I’m immediately sus of them. 

As much as I hate that Hitler is getting drawn as a small child I really like this. I know the whole, oh I killed your friends but I’m letting you go because you express humanity but I’m gonna finish my death with a sympathetic line, can be annoying to people but idk I really liked this. 

Honestly this and the undead soldiers death hit me hard ngl. This manga might not have my favourite art style during some points compared to like main stream manga but it has some really beautiful scenes. 

BOOM CALLED IT, though it’s pretty obvious lol. 

THE PONY TAIL NEVER LIES AND HES DA VINCI IT MAKES SENSE NOW

He looks so cute lol. I like that Seiya has the talent of being talented in everything while Toya has the talent to steal other talents. Seiya can probably only cap his power by his own physical/mental abilities with Toya can pull a solo leveling and go further beyond. Thinking of it like jack of trades vs master of none type deals. Though, I might be thinking too hard on this. I like that this man is actually humble but I really wish there was a tiny bit more to him since we only get this one interaction/backstory but the manga isn’t completed yet. I really hope we get to know about Seiya more;; like how he became da vinci or etc. 

Everytime I see Neumann I look at that comic sans type and it kills me on the inside. But I love that her eyes are 01 just, mwah perfection. These little details that aren’t that big but it’s soooo nice. I also ahem, unhinged character heart be still. It’s really nice reading manga in bursts because you can see the art progression and damn does she look good. 

tiny fang appreciation post. 

ngl i’M HARD SIMPING FOR THIS MAN. It’s the pony tail, I have such a thing for guys with long hair (and this is why genshin broke me) but man the art really picked up here. 

I didn’t get into it but OKITA ANON I GET IT. KOUU??? AHHHH. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE??? As much as his whole “war” was a bit questionable in the beginning and tbh I still don’t really get it I like that he knows he’s not the same as the other Greats but still tries to help the other “sinners” in a way only he knows. That’s why Seiya was so important;; I get that he wanted them to have a fun death and to be understood but idk, the whole war idea and having them kill each other (especially the Hitler fights because I understand the others since they reached some kind of acknowledgement) but nonetheless, what a great guy.

Nightingale gives me mad masaki vibes from chainsawman. I hate them and I can’t wait for you to fail, but the inner part of my is cheering for you because unhinged characters are my shit. I feel really bad for Neumann, I had suspicions she wasn’t actually like that since it’s sooo out of left field but I’m really glad the manga seems to know what it’s doing. I really wish we got more Kouu interactions with everyone tho. 

NOW THIS. THIS IS SOME WHOLESOME STUFF. I WANT THIS. I REALLY WANT SPIN-OFF OF REALLY SAD ANIME/MANGA/STORIES WHERE ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE HANG OUT. That’s how I’m feeling about JJK and the scroll segments or BSD WAN that just came out. IT’S SO WHOLESOME TO SEE EVERYONE NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. 

UGLY SOBBING IN THE CLUBBB AND KOUU AND CHARLOTTE AHHHH. I hate how this is phrased but the respect I have for Hitler?? YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS TO TYPE?? Kitazuka is cool tho, I really like him. Some god given talent. I’m hard simping over him but I really hope we get to know more about him later. 

Getting smug mona vibes, I love this. 

AHHH IVE NEVER FELT THIS UPSET OVER AN APPLEEEE. I’M ACTUALLY UPSET. IF HE DIES IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY MY HEART OUT. 

THE FAMOUS SLAP 

I’M SORRY WHA- SLENDERMAN?

Oh..wow. Okay, be still my heart. When I first saw her I thought she was really pretty but now I’m absolutely smitten. God damn, can I please have some more crumbs on these characters before they die;; 

AHHH SAME GIRL FUCKING SAME????? I adore these small panels and translator notes. It’s a real breather after the sad 3am hours talk these characters go through. 

Yagyuu. Jesus christ. WHY ARE ALL THE DEATH SCENES IN THIS MANGA ACTUALLY SO PRETTY AND STABS ME IN THE HEART??? that’s it. goodbye. im fucking out. im actually so upset rn. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? 

---

In conclusion, and I should probably re-read what the characters say and not go off on memory because I’m about to get really deep. I really like how they phrased why they wanted to stop the branch of sin. That there are people just like Toya and Haito who, if they never found the branch of sin, could still probably lead respectable and okay lives. That there was a “them” in another universe that didn’t go down that road and that they want to be in the same universe as “them”. I know this sounds really confusing if you haven’t read the manga but going back to what I said about the parallel universe stuff. 

There was a universe where Toya and Haito didn’t rely on the branch of sin, that even without their talents from becoming a returner, they could still live a happy life given their own personalities and attitudes. It was kinda moving since in the beginning, Toya wanted a talent so badly and now that he has one. He’s realizing that wait, I don’t need a past life talent in order to live. Honestly, I hard relate to that because I totally agree with him. If you have a talent you can probably live a very happy and comfortable life that other factors wouldn’t matter if you just have that incredible talent. Thinking of it as a painter or artist, if you had actual god-given talent you wouldn’t need to worry about other factors since people would naturally seek that talent. So you end up comparing yourself to others and setting that limit on yourself. 

But that’s okay, it’s completely natural and I’m not saying it’s horrible if you do this. Fuck, I do this all the time. I’m not saying the manga is changing my life but it’s kind of refreshing that it get’s talked about since other adaptations of this just make the character super OP. I understand wanting to have that incredible talent, fuck who doesn’t? but you don’t need it in order to live earnestly in the bigger picture sense. Not everything you do has to be productive and honestly, learning to be okay with having fun is nice. Just being okay with who you are right now, even if it isn’t perfect in your eyes, you still have time to build upon yourself and your own talents but doing it for yourself. 

But I probably missed the point and I’m going way to deep haha. But I really enjoyed reading this and thank you once again to okita anon for the recommendation^^ I always love everything you send me and I’ll start reading the next one. If anyone else has any recommendations let me know! 

[burnedbyshoto]

Hi, can you write a headcanon or a scenario about Todoroki Shouto having a girlfriend and he introduced her to his parents. Like how would Endeavor react to know that his beloved son already has a girlfriend. Thank you so much 😊😘

todoroki shouto x fem!reader

warnings: endeavor LOL, fluff?, shouto and reader are like 25 btwwwww

word count: 1,882

a/n: so this is probably going to be my last fic for this week… i dont know, im moving back up to college and i was lazy and didnt get the number of requests needed done before hand… anyways anon, i really appreciated this ask it was super fun and interesting to write about because it really depended on my viewpoint of endeavor and shoutos future relationship. anyways so sorry this is late!!!! I had to go to the hospital because I had an allergic reaction to something LOL

“Are you sure this dress is appropriate? I don’t want to feel overdressed!” 

You were studying at yourself in the mirror with the tenth outfit you had tried on today. Shouto, who had approved of your summer floral dress, was taking you to introduce you to his family–well, his parents as you already met his siblings–after a bit over a year of dating. You sighed as Shouto called out his admiration of your outfit and carried that you had to be leaving soon if you didn’t want to be late.

You knew that Shouto was nervous to be on time because his mother was going to be there. Todoroki Rei had been released from the psychiatric hospital a few months ago and was settling back into the world. Had it been just Endeavor, well you weren’t sure if Shouto would have even agreed to go. Their relationship had definitely matured since Endeavor retired from being a Pro-Hero, but Shouto has still not forgiven him for anything.

Mumbling curses about your indecisiveness, you slipped on a pair of white wedges and stared at your reflection. Your makeup was done, minimalistic jewelry in place, hair was styled in your favorite semi-formal way, and your outfit was cute. Smiling to your reflection, you grabbed your purse and walked off to where Shouto was waiting for you. 

Shouto stood leaning on the hallway’s wall wearing black pants that accented his long legs, a coffee-colored blazer that made you want him to wear the color more often, and a plain copper-colored t-shirt under the blazer. “Mm,” Shouto approved happily as you gave a quick twirl, “You look stunning.”

“You don’t look too shabby either,” You respond as Shouto twirls you into his chest, his lips immediately connecting with yours and you smiled into the kiss. Feeling Shouto’s fingers tangling into your locks. 

“Don’t you dare.” You warn as Shouto’s mouth trails down your neck, you did not need any hickies appearing moments before meeting Rei and Endeavor.

“Fine,” Shouto relents as he pushes you away from his body, a smirk on his face as he stares at you. “You have got to wear this dress for a date next time.”

“I’ll think about it.” You reply as you clutch your boyfriend’s hand with yours leading him out of the apartment and to whatever restaurant everyone had agreed to meet up at.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

You were smiling way too much. 

Not in a good way either, but a bad way. This dinner outing was terribly awkward.

Endeavor–Todoroki-san–was sitting directly across from you at the end of the table, Fuyumi next to him with her girlfriend sitting next to her. Natsuo was the furthest away from Todoroki-san and had even placed his girlfriend directly across from him. You glanced over at Shouto who was talking with his mother, Rei, who sat next to him since you felt awkward taking the spot you knew Shouto wanted more.

So there you sat in a cute floral summer dress in shocking juxtaposition to the very formal looking Todoroki family, hell even Natsuo’s girlfriend was more formal appearing and she was wearing a club outfit. But there you sat smiling away whenever Todoroki-san’s eyes met yours.

God was he intimidating even without the flames coming out of his hair and beard.

“So, y/l/n, Shouto tells me that you’re not a Pro-Hero.” Todoroki-san finally states after the Todoroki siblings momentarily paused in their feuding over what was the worst way anyone of them was teased for their white hair.

Your head snapped over to Todoroki-san, your voice suddenly carrying no sound as you attempted to explain what it is that you did for a living. “I’m a, uh, I’m a–” You said attempting to find the words you were seeking, and you felt Shouto’s hand lay reassuringly onto your lap. “I’m a lawyer over at Deku’s Pro-Hero Agency.”

It was a job you were mighty damn proud of, your boss, being Midoriya Izuku was a total sweetheart and was an impressive client with cases that hardly needed you to have excruciating amounts of evidence for. 

“And what might your quirk be?”

“Endeavor–” Shouto snapped, absolutely not okay with this questionnaire, it was a family dinner, not an interrogation on you after all.

“Recall.” You answer back suddenly not nervous, easing yourself with your nerves of steel to take on your boyfriend’s unyielding father. “I can recall anything and everything I’ve experienced with 100-percent-perfection, and can, in fact, present them to other individuals. It makes me an amazing asset to have, because most Pro-Heroes, as you may recall, deal with cases caused by altered communication.” You paused grabbing Shouto’s hand from your lap and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Having me as the head lawyer makes people completely honest unless they are not aware of my quirk because as Deku-san’s lawyer they can not lie to us, as I can always bring up said events in court.”

Todoroki-san pulls away from his intense stare at you and does what you believe to see as a nod. But this small interaction caused Shouto to immediately switch seats with you, letting you sit next to Rei who gladly struck up a conversation with you that lasted through the entire night with dexterity.

At the end of the dinner, you actually were smiling out of joy. You really did enjoy Shouto’s sibling’s interactions, there hardly was a dull moment. Rei had been lovely to speak to, and being able to talk to the women Shouto loved more than anyone in the world was something that made you genuinely delighted. Things were going great.

The eight of you at the table eventually finished up dinner and were getting ready to retreat home, you went around and hugged everyone at the table, except Todoroki-san, and was delighted to have Rei hug you tightly.

“Take care of my baby boy, will you?” She whispered as she held you close, and you wordlessly nodded. “My biggest mistake in life was not being strong enough for him, but I think you are more than plenty strong.”

You felt your heart skip a painful beat as you pulled away, but there was still a joyful smile on Rei’s face as she went to hug Shouto. As Shouto placed a hand on your lower back ready to walk off with you into the night, someone called out for you.

“Y/l/n-san,” Todoroki-san spoke, and you turn your head to look at the head male of the family who seemed to be wearing a different expression then the cold look he seemed to adorn the entire evening. “Would you accompany me for a walk before you leave with my son.”

The entire group seems focused on your response, and you felt Shouto rearing to tell his father off and say you didn’t have to accompany you anywhere. Only you placed a hand on Shouto’s stomach and smiled up at your boyfriend who did not think well of his father’s invitation before he could react. “I would like that.”

You give a quick kiss to Shouto as you followed Todoroki-san out the door and into the night.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

The two of you walked in eery silence for a long time, your hands fastened in front of your body, ready for any question coming your way.

“If Shouto had introduced a girl like you to me years ago, I probably would have flipped,” Todoroki-san spoke finally, and you glanced up to see your boyfriend’s father staring up into the sky. “I’m well aware you know about what type of childhood Shouto lived, and your opinion on me as his father.”

“You don’t know my opinion.” You say in response, unsure of what he meant by that phrase, but it was something you did not wish to have put into your mouth.

“It’s the same as Midoriya-san’s, Yaoyorozu-san’s, Iida-san’s…” He paused probably only having remembered three of the influential friends that Shouto had, and you laughed softly knowing that you did, for the most part, agree with those three’s opinion on Todoroki Enji, but where they wanted Shouto to forgive and move on, you wanted Shouto to do what he felt was best. Sometimes those Pro-Heroes were a bit too selfless.

“I am a bit different from them,” You say honestly, meeting Todoroki-san’s gaze as you nod your head, “Whereas Shouto’s friends believe he should forgive you, I think that Shouto should choose whatever he feels like doing. Be it one day he hates you, or the next he doesn’t, I will support him regardless of my personal opinions towards you.”

He lets out a dry chuckle that held zero amusement to it.

“That is fair.” He agrees.

“I know it is.” You respond.

“I know you may not believe me, and I don’t blame you if you don’t, but I am trying hard to make things work.” He says gently, as if not to alarm you.

“By hosting dinner with your children’s significant others, and going as far as worrying the entire table when you asked questions that most people at the very least wait until after a proper conversation to have?” You inputted and Todoroki rolled his eyes, and you could not help but feel the same energy you got when Shouto got annoyed being replicated by his father.

“I’m sorry about that, it’s hard to turn the switch off sometimes.”

“And again, my opinion doesn’t matter,” You repeat, “I will abide by Shouto’s feelings and opinions, not my own when it comes to you.”

You can now see the Todoroki clan waiting for the two of you by the restaurant’s entrance as you have circled back.

The two of you walk in silence as you near closer and closer.

Moments before the two of you are in speaking distance to the group, Todoroki mutters something to you that you can’t help but take as a win.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad my son found someone like you,” Todoroki grumbles at you, “You make him happy, even I can tell that, even if your quirks are highly incompatible. Please keep him happy and love him, for both Rei and I.”

You stopped walking as Todoroki continued on, and you watched as Shouto walked over to you, his eyes darting back to his father’s retreating body as his sister, her girlfriend, and her mother. Natsuo and his girlfriend crossing the street and disappearing into the night.

You smiled warmly at Shouto who grabbed your arms, quickly studying your form as he checked for any and all signs of fighting or annoyance. “What did he say to you?”

You don’t respond as you go instead for a bold kiss, your arms snaking around his neck as he kisses you back. You sigh contently into Shouto’s mouth as he presses you softly onto his body. Your head tilts to the side as you deepen the kiss for mere moments before breaking apart with a rosy-cheeked grin.

Looking at him, you Recalled the memory, or at the very least the end part.

“Please keep him happy and love him, for both Rei and I.” Todoroki’s voice echoed in the memory you presented to Shouto and despite any harboring negative feelings Shouto may have had he smiles fondly.

“You do that perfectly already.”

i know i am typically really critical of endeavor because,,, yes, but i decided while i kept my criticalness of his character, I chose another route besides his typical: “fuck your girlfriend shouto! reproduce asexually please” because if shouto is introducing someone to his fam they are perfect, sorry but i dont make the rules

bonus!

“What would you have done in the worst case scenario of Endeavor not liking me?” You asked Shouto as the two of you were getting ready for bed.

“Probably would have told him off among other things.” Shouto admitted with a shrug as he wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his chin on your shoulder.

“Telling him off and other things?” You question not all that sure what exactly your boyfriend meant by other things.

Shouto nodded pulling you in closer to his body as he chuckled, “My father is traditional, what better way of showing him that no amount of disapproval towards you will ever make me want you any less.” His lips gently touched the side of your neck with every word causing you to laugh.

“You spicy little rebel you.” You tease as Shouto smirks.

“Would you let this spicy little rebel show you to bed?”

“I approve of said action.”

And with that, he whisked you away.

[stateofloveandnegan]

I Just Can’t - Jerry Cantrell

While the last anon doesn't come up with a request, I got one. Would you please write a smut one shot where the reader and Jerry had a not so friendly break-up but they clearly have strong feelings for each other. So maybe after a couple months trying to contact her they meet again by coincidence at a party or something and she finally gives up trying to fight it. Thank you :)

IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

But I’m actually very happy with how this turned out, so I hope you think so too! Enjoy :)

Requested by: @ladyfulton

Warning(s): smut

MASTERLIST

‘Even after four months he still doesn’t know when to stop.’ I think to myself as I decline his call once more.

“Shouldn’t you give him one more chance?” Demri asks me to which I scoff.

I take another long swig of my wine before answering: “He messed up. He had his chance, Dem. I’m not gonna let myself fall for it again.”

She sighs, knowing fully well that I’m right. But then again, she hates seeing me like this; heartbroken, even after four months.

I turn the volume of the tv a bit and lose myself in the awfully bad tv show that’s currently playing. Fortunately it helps set the mood a bit and Demri and I both laugh every now and then.

At midnight Demri decides it’s time to head home and I let her out, “Bye Dem, see you soon.”

“Yeah, and you’ll come to Chris’ party right?” she asks, which causes confusion to enter my face.

I wave it off, “I’ll call him and ask about it, don’t worry. See you!”

And with that, Demri leaves and I turn after closing the door to reach for my phone. I dial Chris’ number and it rings only one of two times before he picks up.

“Cornell household, what can I do for you?” he says in a mocking-tone.

I laugh, “Hey Chris, how are you?” he let’s out an exciting sound when he realises it’s me.

“(Y/N)!! I was just about to give you a call, actually. You’re coming to my party this Friday, aren’t you? I totally forgot to tell you about it, I’m sorry! Can you forgive me, sugar?”

“I was just about to call you about it, Demri just mentioned it and I wanted to make sure if I was invited, but of course, I’ll be there! And quit it with the pet-names, Cornell.”

We both burst into a fit of laughter, “Alright, see you Friday, Chris.” I say before hanging up.

The rest of the week go by in a flash and before I even realise it, it’s Friday already. “Shit!” I mutter to myself at the realisation.

“Dem! Hey!” I practically scream into my phone as soon as it’s picked up. “I need your help, alright. The party is in two hours and I’ve done nothing, yet. Please, help me out here!”

She just chuckles and tells me she’s on her way. I thank her and move over to my wardrobe. There are a couple of dresses that look quite nice for a birthday party. But then again, there are also some nice, tight, pants in there and some nice shirts.

I take out a dress, a pair of pants and a shirt, and some heels and boots to go with it. When I’m about to change, my doorbell rings and I open it to find Demri standing in front of me, already completely dolled up for the party.

I grab her wrist and take her with me to my room, “Soooo, I’ve got this set: these tight pants, this shirt, and the boots.” I tell her, showing her the black, ripped tights, a t-shirt with ‘rock’n’roll’ spelled on it and the black dr martens boots. “Or this dress and these heels.” I say as I show her the black, lace, dress with a pair of matte black, open, heels.

She seems to genuinely think of what I should wear and finally speaks up, “First one, deffo first one.” she says and throws the outfit at me.

“Alright!”

After a good hour and a half, I’m finally done. Clothes hugging my body in a perfect way and make up smoothly on my face. “He won’t know what hit ‘m.” Demri says under her breath.

“What?” I ask since I didn’t hear her very clearly.

Her eyes snap up to meet mine, “Oh, nothing. You look amazing.”

Demri eventually calls Layne to tell him she’ll meet him at the party, ‘cause she’s staying here with me for the time being.

“You know, you’re lucky with Layne, he’s such a sweetheart to you.” I tell her, thinking about how lovey-dovey they can get. She chuckles, “Well, there’s also another side to it, of course. But yes, I’m very happy with him.”

Time flies and before we know it, it’s already time to go to Chris’ place. I get my keys and put them in my purse, along with some money. Before closing my apartment and hopping into Dem’s car.

“There you are!” Chris exclaims when we enter, seemingly a tad bit later than the rest, (we might have had karaoke in the car and didn’t want to stop..)

There are a lot of familiar faces and I greet them all, except for one face I wish I never had to see again. Him calling me was already heavy on me. Seeing him was even worse. Before his eyes meet mine I quickly turn around and walk to the other side of the room, where Chris and Demri are conversing. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me hewould be here?!” I whisper-scream.

They both give me a pained expression, “Because then you probably wouldn’t have come,”

“Damn right I wouldn’t.”

“but you need to have fun, (Y/N). Just have fun tonight, alright? Enjoy yourself again for once.”

I sigh, knowing they’re right. I drop the subject and move over to the kitchen to grab a beer. “You showed up.” a very familiar voice speaks from behind me. A voice I wanted to avoid very dearly.

“Not because you’re here.” I snap without turning around.

I hear him sigh and there’s also a soft thud, probably him putting down his drink on the table. “Don’t be like that, (Y/N), please.” he says in a soft voice, which almost gets to me. Almost.

I finally turn around and my eyes meet his, “Be like what, Jerry? Like I’m done with you? Like I don’t want to talk to you? Well, I don’twant to talk to you. So I’m going to leave this kitchen and you’re going to let me.”

For once, he actually listens to me and lets me leave the kitchen without any more than just looking at me with broken eyes.

The evening goes on pretty alright, without any more encounters with Jerry, I’m actually really having fun for the first time in a while.

My conversation with McCready is cut short when someone taps on my shoulder. I turn to be met with those broken eyes once again.

I turn back to Mike, ignoring the presence behind me, but fail at it as Jerry walks around me and steps in front of me, “I need to talk to you, (Y/N).”

Mike gives me an apologetic smile and walks over to where Eddie is standing. My eyes leave Mike’s retreating figure and snap back to Jerry. “Alright, but not here.” I give in. It’s been so long and when I really think about it, this act of not caring is killing me, ‘cause I do care about him, way too much for my liking.

Jerry grabs my arm gently and walks upstairs into the hall with me following him. The party is going on downstairs, so there isn’t anyone upstairs.

“So, what do you want?” I spat at him, feeling a tad bad for how harsh it sounded.

Jerry sighs, not meeting my eyes, “I miss you. So fucking much, it’s killing me.”

I scoff and he finally meets my eyes, “Maybe you should’ve thought of that a bit sooner.”I say and look away from him.

“I know I should’ve. God you don’t have to tell me that. I’m an idiot, the biggest idiot, for what I did to you. And I’ve tried so hard to get over you, to let you move on, because I know it’s selfish of me to ask you to forgive me, but I’ve realised that I am selfish.”

His words are so sincere and honest that I can’t stay mad at him. “Why did you do it? Why did you have sex with her? My cousin, for fucks sake, Jerry. And to make it even better, on my birthday! What the hell did I do to deserve that?” I desperately ask him, tears already streaming down my face.

Jerry’s hand moves up to my cheek and he brushes the tears away with his thumb, “Nothing. You did absolutely nothing to deserve that. That’s why it makes me even more of a selfish prick to ask you to forgive me. But it was a mistake, (Y/N). I big mistake at that. I was drunk, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I love you.”

That was that. Those three words. Those words did it. “You love me?”

“I love you, (Y/N). More than anything. And I guess if I love you, I should let you move on. But I can’t, I genuinely can’t.”

Never had Jerry said those words to you, not even when you were dating.

“You don’t have to say them back, I don’t expect you to. You probably don’t even feel the same, but I had to say it.”

We’re both quiet for a while, just staring at each other. And I’m thinking, about everything he just said.

“What if I did say it back?” I ask quietly.

“You woul- what?” he says, only then realising what I just asked.

“What if I said I loved you too? Because I do, Jerry. After all this time, I still fucking love you. I’ve tried to get over you, but nothing worked.”

For a moment, he says or does nothing, but as the words sink in, he pins me to the wall and crashes his lips against mine in a kiss that tells me just how much he loves me and how much he’s been wanting to do this.

At first I’m hesitant, not knowing if this is really what I want, if I really want to get back into it with him. But the hesitation is soon replaced by hunger and love for the man currently pinning me against the wall with his whole body.

I kiss him back just as eager as he kisses me. Jerry practically drags me into the first room we reach, locking it on our way over to the bed that’s inside. The fact that we’re about to have sex on Chris’ bed doesn’t even bother me. All I want to do right now is make up for lost time.

Both our shirts are somewhere on the ground even before we hit the matrass. “You sure?” Jerry asks as he’s hovering above me.

I let out a chuckle as I smile at him, “You’ve become a gentleman, now?” I ask teasingly. He laughs, but quickly reconnects our lips together, his hands roaming over my whole body and stopping at my waistband. Moving his hand slowly to my zipper, sliding it down, and undoing my button.

His hands slide my pants off, our shoes already being lost, and his hand immediately goes back up to slide off my panties. “God (Y/N), you’re already so wet.” He says as he gently slides a finger through my folds.

I let out a moan and Jerry smirks before kissing me hungrily. His thumb playing with my clit, as one finger slides into me, has me soon as a moaning mess. His fingers are at familiar territory and he knows exactly what to do to make me feel like I’m on cloud nine.

“Jer- God, Jer.” I grunt as he starts pumping, now two fingers, in and out of my roughly. He removes his fingers from inside me and swiftly removes his boxers as well.

His hands are now resting at the side of my head, both on one side. He’s positioning himself between my legs, the tip of his cock teasing against my entrance. He moves himself up a bit, his cock now sliding against my clit, causing me to let out a loud moan.

Jerry chuckles before sliding himself into me completely. I arch my back, the once familiar feeling a bit renewing.

“You alright?” he whispers softly, caressing my cheek with his thumb. I nod and he places a gentle kiss on me lips before thrusting in and out of me. At first, his thrusts are gentle, but as soon as he realises I’m completely adjusted to the feeling of having him inside me, his thrust get harder and harder.

“Jeez, (Y/N) you’re so tight.” Jerry grunts as he keeps pushing in and out of me. A chuckle I let out forms into a moan as he hits my sensitive spot. He places kisses all over my neck and nibbles and bites every now and then.

I feel my orgasm building up in the pit of my stomach “Jer, I’m close-” I tell him and he nods, “Me too, babe. Just let it go, come for me.”

It takes us both only a couple second before it’s done. I scream his name as he screams my name. We ride off our high and he pulls out slowly, collapsing next to me on the bed.

“I’ll never let you go, (Y/N). I’ll never give you another reason for it.” he whisper in my ear while placing his arm around my waist.

“I won’t let you do anything like that ever again, Jer, so don’t worry.” I say and we both chuckle.

The sound of the door opening startles us and Jerry quickly grabs a blanket to cover the both of us. Chris enters the room and as soon as he sees us he freezes.

“I thought you locked to door.” I whisper to Jerry, my eyes not leaving Chris’ figure.

“I guess I was a bit too busy getting us to the bed to check the lock…”

“You guys,” Chris said, while pointing his finger at me and then Jerry, back and forth, “just had sex. In my bed.” he says, more to himself than to us. “IN MY BED!”

Jerry and I share a glance, smiles creeping up on our faces, “Oops?”