#im sorry I’m just angry it’ll pass | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluemoonsunrise · 1 month ago

Text

Demons and Savages

pairing: tsu’tey and human!avatar driver (fem presenting)

content warnings: graphic language, violence, alien vs human differences, awkward friendship?, tension, angst, vulgarity. (also, i don’t like to capitalize sentences on tumbler :3)

word count: …idk :D

pov: 2nd person so you can add yourself in. for writing/plot purposes, your character is named eris ramsey. i’ll use the name sparingly but i can’t take myself seriously writing y/n— so please just work with me here. i promise it’ll be worth it. (i hope)

< previous chapter

———🌌———

SUMMARY: earth was dying and your sister was, too, but cancer killed her faster than humans were killing earth. when she passed, she not only left behind an empty apartment full of memories but a billion dollar avatar without a driver. in a desperate attempt to not waste that money, the program she had spent the last five years preparing to join recruited you— her twin. of course, you agreed. there was nothing left on earth for you. there was nothing left on earth for anyone— that’s why people like your sister were sent off to pandora.

when your sister had spoken of pandora, it seemed like a dream.

the RDA promised it would be like a safari adventure.

truth was that pandora is beautiful. beautiful and unlike anything else across the whole of the universe. it is breathtaking— and that’s because what chases you through the forest hunts with the intent to kill; so you best run like hell even if your lungs are on fire. beasts and monsters of all kinds lurk out of sight waiting for the right moment to kill you dead— but none are as dangerous as him.

the blue shadow with the bow.

chapter two

— cowboy —

you should have linked to your avatar body sooner. the morning had nearly passed by the time you opened your eyes and stirred in your hammock. when you rose, he was waiting.

he had been waiting.

for hours.

anger made him look volatile. his tail flicked behind him as he watched you climb out from your hammock. you nearly tripped over your own feet trying to rub the daze of shifting into this larger, still-stiff body from your eyes.

“i’m sorry…” you said as you approached. you dipped your head and signed, ‘i see you’ to him. when his demeanor did not change, you swallowed around the lump in your throat. “really, i’m sorry. i don’t have much control over when i can and can’t be connected to my body.”

tsu’tey flicked his head and you knew to start marching.

he was kind enough to have saved you breakfast. dried fruits and nuts. you picked at them within the pouch he stored them in as you walked through the forest together. you offered him some as an attempt at making peace. to your surprise, he took a handful and poured them into his mouth. it was silent as you walked.

well, not for very long.

you had a bad habit of blabbering when tension arose— and you could feel the negativity radiating off him like the old story of chernobyl you knew about.

“how long have you been up for?” you asked, shooting a glance his way.

tsu’tey popped more pieces of dried fruit into his mouth and grunted. “sunrise.”

guilt made your stomach hurt.

“i really am sorry. i hope you understand that there is a strict schedule i follow. if i don’t, i risk killing myself. water? food? sleep? it’s all stuff my real body needs, too.” you said.

“i am not angry you are late, skxawng. i care not for what you do. im angry my day revolves around you. why i must be the one to teach you is not something i am happy with. i have other tasks i would rather see to. hunting. training warriors who are soon to pass their iknimaya.” tsu’tey said gruffly, not bothering to look at you.

your expression soured and you scowled at him. “you can teach me to be a warrior, too.”

“ha,” tsu’tey laughed. a real laugh. it lit up his face and made his ears perk up. he looked at you and shook his head. “you really are a skxawng.”

“eywa may have given me a sign not to shoot you down with my bow but it changes nothing. i see what you truly are, demon, even with all your practiced knowledge.”

“you are not real.”

you could only stare at him. your throat went dry. your heart shuddered in your chest. your voice was no where to be found— but what could ever be said to that?

nothing. because he was right.

“then why bother with all this?”

tsu’tey turned, stopping dead in his tracks. his tail flicked. “what?”

“why did you save me from the nantang?” you asked outright. you swallowed the fruit you had in your mouth with trouble and tried to keep your chin up. “if you know what i am, why bother saving me? you could’ve let me get torn apart. it wouldn’t have been you who killed me. no blame on you. why did you save me?”

tsu’tey let his shoulders drop. when he met your eyes, he looked at you. into you.

“eywa did not want you dead,” he said. his voice was too soft. he sounded like an entirely different person. a hopeless believer. “the atokirina landed on my arrowhead before it floated down to you. it kept me from firing that shot. it was a sign. you were to live.”

“when it floated around you, i knew what the great mother expected of me when the nantang attacked you.” tsu’tey said as he approached.

you stiffened as he stood in front of you. you had to tilt your head back to see him clearly. “and what…what is it that she expected?”

you winced when he grabbed your hand even though it didn’t hurt. not in the slightest. he touched your extra finger. he fought a scowl, his face twitching. he looked into your eyes and — for a second time — he was staring into you.

“i am to protect you…” tsu’tey muttered. he almost rolled his eyes as a heavy sigh escaped him. “it has been decided by eywa and by the tsahik. eywa is greater than my feelings. the great mother is greater than our differences. demon or not, you have been chosen for something and it is my job to make sure you don’t kill yourself, skxawng.”

“i— i’ve been chosen for something? what?” you asked, grasping his hand. you needed answers. you needed to know all that he knew.

tsu’tey pulled his hand from yours and shook it at his side as if it burned. his scowl returned with vengeance. it twisted his face in a way that was all too familiar. you almost preferred his scowl. you expected his harshness. you had no idea what to make of his gentler voice and softened features.

“i do not know.” tsu’tey said. his voice was tight in his throat. his tail flicked behind him. “i am not capable of interpreting eywa’s will. i am only a warrior.”

“and i can make you one, too, if that is what you wish to be.”

you looked up at him. your ears and tail betrayed you. your tail wouldn’t stay still and your ears stood at attention. excitement tickled your belly.

“really?” you asked, almost bracing yourself for a sudden change in his heart.

tsu’tey grunted and looked away. “it serves as a better use of my time teach you how to fight and hunt rather than help you string beads and teach you how to sing.”

“and if i choose to be a singer?” you asked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“then there are many songs for you to learn, demon,” tsu’tey said with a shake of his head. “but you will learn to ride pa’li. that is essential.”

if he hadn’t tried it so intently then maybe you would’ve missed it. perhaps more subconsciously to him, he tried to raise only one of his hairless eyebrows. it had you biting your lip as to not smile.

you nodded once, placing your hands on your hips. “let’s get started then.”

he took you to the riverbank. the sun was warm. insects buzzed by your head and skimmed across the surface of the water. fish leapt out from the river to catch them. direhorses ate the sweet vegetation that grew by the waterside.

“damn,” you whispered as tsu’tey guided one of the massive direhorses towards you. you took a step back as it stomped one of its feet when he tugged it to halt. “no saddle?”

“you have legs.” he said with a glance towards your thighs. “you will use them to hold on.”

“i don’t know if you know this, buddy, but this body has only ever been in use like four times now. i’m going to fall off.” you said.

“then you get back on.” tsu’tey said with a single flick of his head toward the direhorse.

you swallowed a bit of your pride as he grunted for you to get a move on. you had to raise your arm up high to reach its back. the leather of its skin was tough. it was a tall, powerful creature you knew would buck you off within a second.

“now, demon.” tsu’tey hissed.

“alright, alright…” you cringed a bit and tried your best to steel your spine. with you best foot forward, you tried to swing yourself up.

“bad try.” tsu’tey shook his head and nudged you out of the way. “watch how i do.”

he wrapped his arm around the tendril that hung down by the direhorses neck. with a quickness you wouldn’t be able to replicate anytime soon, he swung himself up onto the direhorses back.

you rolled your eyes. “you should’ve told me to grab that from the beginning.”

“again.” tsu’tey said as he slid down off the direhorses back. he ignored your comment. “this time, do like i did.”

you exhaled a sharp, fast breath. annoyance pinned your ears back. reaching up, you hooked an arm around one of the tendrils just as he had. with all the strength you could, you tried to pull yourself up.

that just pissed off the direhorse and it stomped it’s feet, huffing and snorting.

“you need to swing.” tsu’tey said. he tapped his stomach. “strong belly and swing your legs up. do not use your arms to pull until your belly is tight and you’ve swung your legs.”

“watch.” he nudged you out of the way.

this time, you really watched his form. you watched the way he grasped the tether as a stationary point but swung himself up. he had taken two steps to build momentum. two steps, swing up, mount.

easy enough, yeah?

“momentum. momentum.” you muttered yourself as you grasped the direhorses tether again.

you took a breath and felt it. your core tightened as you geared up to take those steps and swing yourself up. step, step, swing— except you choked. when your leg didn’t quite get up over the side, you bailed entirely and nearly fell flat on your face.

he grabbed your arm and kept you steady.

your ears fell flat as you met his eyes. you could see the scowl threaten to curl on his lips. you braced yourself for harsh words and hisses.

“better.” he said.

your ears perked up.

“swinging yourself with great force is the only way to mount pa’li. you must take larger steps to make that swing.” tsu’tey said.

you nodded. “yeah, i need more momentum.”

“momen…what?” he narrowed his eyes and titled his head.

“momentum,” you said again, clearer this time. you demonstrated the swing you needed to do with your hands. “momentum. the swing. you get it?”

“momentum.” tsu’tey said, watching your lips as your mouth formed the word. his accent was so thick it seemed to get in the way of his tongue. “yes, it is that. you just make more momentum.”

“but how? i mean, i tried doing the same amount of steps as you but it’s the height that’s throwing me off.” you said, looking up at the direhorse.

“pa’li is tall but you are tall, too. try to step, jump, swing.” tsu’tey said. he crossed his arms against his chest and watched.

you shook out the tension in your shoulders. step, jump, swing. his brows pinched together as he watched you take a few steps back. you gave yourself a running start and jumped, pushing yourself up with your arms.

his hands curled around your waist and he pulled you off before you could swing yourself on.

“hey!” you exclaimed, struggling in his grasp.

“wrong.” he placed you down and turned you toward him. “in order to ride, you must make tsaheylu. a bond. in order to make that bond, you must hold the tether. first step, you must hold the tether.”

“jumping on pa’li like that is a waste of time. it is not faster. bad habit. break it. do not do it again.” he instructed.

“alright, alright…” you said softly, holding up your hands.

“strong belly, demon.” he reminded you.

“yeah, i got it. thanks.”

you huffed under your breath as you wrapped your arm around the tether. standing back nearer towards its face, you would be able to run and swing yourself up— and that’s exactly what you tried to do. you ran, kept your core tight, swung your leg up, and mounted the direhorse.

“hey!” you gasped, pupils blown wide as you look down at him. “i did it!”

he was fighting a grin whilst stood at your side. patting the direhorses neck, he kept the beast calm. he looked up at you and nodded once. you could see in his eyes what he did not say.

well done, demon.

“again.” tsu’tey said, pulling you off the direhorse.

“woah!” you hooked your arms around his neck and fell into his arms. as he set you on your feet, you looked up at him. “you are so handsy.”

“i don’t know what that means.” he said as he let you go. his lip curled and he stared down his nose at you.

he thought you were insulting him.

“handsy. y’know, touchy.” you said. for show, you glided your hand along his chest and gripped his bicep in the other. “you touch me a lot.”

tsu’tey huffed and nudged your hands away. “if i don’t touch, you will hurt yourself. i’m making sure you do not injure yourself, skxawng.”

“skxawng. you keep calling me that. what does it mean?” you asked with annoyance lacing your voice. judging by the way he called you demon, you knew it couldn’t be good.

“means you are slow.” tsu’tey said. he flicked your forehead. “in here, you are slow.”

your eyes widened and your mouth popped open. “you’re calling me a moron!”

tsu’tey bared his teeth in a sharp smile. “you act like one.”

“you are such a jackass.” you huffed under your breath.

ignoring the way he chuckled, you once again tried to mount the direhorse. you didn’t keep your core tight enough. you stumble and it bumped you with its hip. the poor thing must’ve been annoyed with you by this point. you were annoyed with yourself— annoyed with him most of all.

on the second try, you swung yourself up onto the direhorses back. tsu’tey came to your side. he nodded at you as you met his eyes. you’d gotten the hang of it. with more practice you’d be able to do it with ease.

“now it is time for you to make tsaheylu.” he said.

tsaheylu. the bond. you knew of it. you’d read about it in grace augustine’s book before they shipped you out to pandora. it was how all living things on pandora connected to one and other. it is how all living things connected to eywa.

“take your kuru and make tsaheylu.” tsu’tey said, guiding the direhorses tether up toward you.

you reached behind your head and pulled your braid over your shoulder. queue. kuru. so many names for it. but there was only one name for the bond you were about to make.

the white spindles twisted and extended at the end of your braid. so did the direhorses at the end of its tether-like queue. as you guided your kuru forward, pinkish-white spindles linked and overlapped as you made tsaheylu.

your pupils blew and your body went rigid. you could hear mighty breath and a strong beating heart. you could feel legs that were not your own.

tsu’tey placed his hand on your thigh. you looked down at him, unaware that you were panting. he nodded once. calm. collected.

“breathe,” tsu’tey said lowly. he ran his hand across your thigh, up your waist, to your belly. “deep. slow. feel her breath and match it.”

you closed your eyes and focused on the way the direhorse inhaled and exhaled. it was much harder to do when his hand was on your belly.

his hand was warm…

in and out.

you focused on that and that alone.

breathing in deep and letting it all out.

“feel her strong legs.” tsu’tey said.

those you could feel without having to try. as she stepped back and forth, you could feel the power within them. fast. faster than horses on earth ever could’ve been. this direhorse had more legs than them. a larger set of lungs. a larger heart.

“when you are ready, think ‘run.’” tsu’tey said as he stepped back.

“run?” you repeated.

the direhorse ran— and you fell straight into the mud.

a soft groan escaped you. the whole left side of your face was mud caked. his shadow blocked out the sun and you heard him sigh.

“a mistake every first rider makes.” tsu’tey said as you pushed yourself up. “you will try again. this time, you will hold on.”

“thanks for the advice.” you huffed, hitting him with your muddy shoulder as you walked by.

mounting the direhorse became easier each time you did it— and you did it over and over again because you could not stay on the creatures back for long. you fell into the mud each and every time you willed the direhorse to run.

tsu’tey brought you to the riverbed not only because it is where the direhorses liked to graze but because the mud cushioned your falls.

“you are not holding on.” tsu’tey said as he pulled you up from the mud.

“i am!” you exclaimed. your frustration was reaching its boiling point and you pulled your arm from his grasp. “how much tighter do i have to grip the damn tethers it has?”

“you are not holding on here.” tsu’tey said, smacking your thigh.

you scowled at him and swatted at his hand. “don’t.”

“you must squeeze your legs, skxawng.” tsu’tey said with a shake of his head. “you cannot stay in place on the back of pa’li if you do not squeeze your thighs.”

“fine. fine.” you huffed and turned away. “i get it. tight core. squeeze my legs.”

“try.”

you looked back at him as he grabbed your waist. your eyes widened as he tugged you towards him. your jaw dropped as he wedged his leg in between your thighs.

“what the fuck are you doing?!” you cursed at him, pushing your arm into his chest.

“squeeze.” tsu’tey commanded.

you laughed in his face. “oh, you’re funny.”

“do as i say, skxawng.”

you had to grit your teeth. chest to chest with him, you had little options. everything he had instructed you to do so far and every correction he made had not led you astray. it bruised your pride to do as you were told.

you squeezed your thighs together, squishing his thigh between your legs. you looked anywhere but at him. he did the same as his hands framed your waist. he rocked his leg from side to side.

“pa’li are fast and they are strong. you must be strong, too, to ride. your legs will tire but falling hurts more.” tsu’tey said softly. he looked down between you both. “you must squeeze harder. i am able to move my leg back and forth without you. squeeze until you are moving as i move.”

looking down, you squeezed your thighs together tighter. you had to grit your teeth. as he moved his leg side to side, yours were glued to him. squeezing his thigh, you moved as he moved. when he dipped to the left, you had no choice but to follow. when he tried to move his thigh upward, the tension in your legs gave the right amount of resistance so that he could not throw you off.

“do you see now?” tsu’tey asked as he met your eyes. he tried to buck his thigh again and could not. not with you squeezing him so tight. “tsaheylu makes you one with pa’li in the mind. you must make yourself one with pa’li like this. strong core. strong legs. strong hips.”

“i get it,” you said softly, ignoring the burn in your face and the tickle in your belly that came with being so close to him.

tsu’tey tapped your thigh and you let him go. he took a step back and flicked his head. “try again. don’t fall this time, demon.”

you dipped your head.

mounting the direhorse, you were quick to make the bond. feel her breath. feel her heart. feel her legs. you wrapped the tethers around your arms and kept a firm grip. at the same time, you squeezed your legs tight around the direhorses sides.

“run,” you thought.

and the direhorse heard you.

with legs that sounded like thunder as they hit the ground, the direhorse ran. you kept your grip tight and your thighs clenched even tighter. gritting your teeth, you held on as the wind whipped across your face. the direhorse ran a lap around the riverbed as it had been trained to do— and you only fell off at the end when you simply could not hold on any longer.

you spit out the mud that had gotten in your mouth. pushing yourself up, you saw him grinning. a soft sigh escaped you. such sweet relief it was to see something other than a scowl after giving it the best shot you had all day.

“we are finished for today.” tsu’tey said as you neared. he picked a twig out of your hair. “you did better than i thought you would. tomorrow it will be easier. clean yourself up in the river.”

the cold river water embraced you like a lover and soothed the ache in your muscles. it washed away the mud caked onto your skin and the sweat that beaded on your hairline and dripped down your back.

you could feel his gaze linger on you as you washed.

and you ignored the way it made you feel.

— 🌌 —

the next day was by no means easier.

nor way the day after that.

or the day after that.

bruises made your blue skin purple. they littered your thighs. your arms. your back. you took the falls like a champ when they happened, but crawling in and out of your hammock each day could not be done without a groan.

until it did get easier.

you could mount your direhorse with ease. mitsia was her name. each time you made tsaheylu, the more your bond deepened. she grew accustomed to you. she did not jostle as much. she did not run so recklessly. she would greet you each morning with a bump of her nose.

you could ride longer and longer each day— and one day you stopped falling all together. leaving the riverbank behind, you rode with tsu’tey through the forest. learning to hold on as mitsia leapt over fallen logs was not as difficult as you imagined it would be. keeping your core tight and your legs secure, you moved as she moved. it became second nature.

it became second nature, too, to compete with tsu’tey as you mastered the art of riding.

“c’mon, cowboy! you’re eating my dust!” you laughed over your shoulder as the two of you raced back to home tree.

he smirked.

racing through the forest, you stole glances at each other as the direhorses below you ran. mitsia and karuk — tsu’tey’s pa’li — had grown accustomed to each other, too. like their riders, they competed to get home first. mitsia’s heart pounded and her breath came hard as fast as she tried to out run karuk.

the male direhorse was older and his legs were longer. when tsu’tey crouched and tucked himself downward to be more aerodynamic, the race was already won.

“i will beat you tomorrow, jackass.” you said as you swung yourself off mitsia. you gave her a gentle pat before joining beside tsu’tey.

“no, not tomorrow. we are finished training with pa’li. you have mastered riding.” tsu’tey said with a glance your way. as you walked inside home tree, the smell of pandoran barbecue made your stomach grumble.

“what’s next then?” you asked.

“you have yet to decide if being a hunter is what you want. tomorrow, you rest and decide.” tsu’tey said.

you watched as he departed. instead of heading up the center column, he made his way towards the olo’eyktan. he bowed his head and signed ‘i see you’ before sitting down beside him. you knew what they were discussing. each day, tsu’tey gave a report about how you were fairing to the olo’eyktan.

you cleaned yourself up before dinner. re-doing some of the braids in your hair, you thought about what tsu’tey had said.

you had yet to decide on what you truly want to be.

you knew you didn’t want to be a singer. you didn’t have the confidence it took to preform. you enjoyed riding and you enjoyed being in the forest, but you didn’t know if you had what it took to be a powerful hunter.

on earth, you hadn’t done more than wait on costumers and clean up messes that they left behind. hunters didn’t scrape gum off the undersides of tables or have to clean matted grease off deep fryers. they were masters with a bow and quick with a knife.

each day that you went to bed and woke up back in the link-pod, you felt less and less uncertain.

uncertain about what you wanted.

uncertain about who you were.

surrounded by scientists, you were not as smart as them. you could help grace log her findings but you couldn’t offer anything more than clicking buttons on the computer. you weren’t fluent in navi like norm. you weren’t as physically capable as jake was when he was in his avatar body.

jake was military.

norm was a scholar.

grace was a scientist.

you were just the replacement for a dead genius.

a blank slate.

that thought stuck with you like a nagging itch as you climbed the center column of home tree and made your way to your usual eating spot. the more you tried to ignore it, the worse it became.

you were a blank slate in a world ripe with opportunity and that had to mean something.

you had few skills.

that meant you could learn hundreds of new ones.

you had poor navi.

that gave you room to improve with those who spoke it fluently and hadn’t learned it out of a book.

you had no muscle.

that meant you could only grow stronger.

in a program full of bright minds and strong spirits, only one of you sat in home tree— and only one of you had been chosen by eywa.

it had not been grace.

It had not been norm.

it had not been jake.

it had been you. you had a purpose on pandora. a purpose that surpassed what you knew about tree roots or how many pull-ups you could do.

if you wanted to be a hunter— you would learn.

and he would each you how. just like he taught you to ride a direhorse in nine days.

“what is it that you had called me today, demon?” tsu’tey asked as he sat across from you. “when we raced through the forest.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “a cowboy.”

“cowboy…” he picked up a bug from the pile on his leaf and cracked the shell with his teeth. he pulled out the soft meaty inside and ate it. “what does that mean? cowboy.”

“a cowboy is a man who rides a horse and deals with herding animals. they wear hats and boots. on earth, cowboys were seen most in the western part of america.” you said as you picked at the food. you hadn’t gotten used to bugs yet. it was their many, many legs that creeped you out.

when he didn’t respond right away, you looked up. it was clear to see that most — if not all — of what you said had been lost to his ears. again, you smiled.

“on earth, cowboys rode pa’li. they were like hunters, except they kept the animals close together in herds. in a big group that they would move from place to place.” you said, choosing your words more carefully.

“they were also like warriors, too. the word is vigilante. it means that they took the law into their own hands and punished those who broke it.”

“is there no olo’eyktan to answer to?” tsu’tey asked, his invisible brows knitting together.

“no,” you said with a small laugh. carefully, you bit into a bug and chewed. it didn’t taste bad. it was good. smoky in flavor— but the legs still gave you the heebie-jeebies. “on earth, instead of clans there are countries. millions and millions of people live in a single country alone. and there are hundreds of countries.”

“millions of people…” tsu’tey looked around the crowded dinner place and then back at you. “and that is more than navi here in home tree?”

“so many more. unimaginable.” you said with a shake of your head. you popped the shell of another bug and tried to explain it as easy to understand as you could. “let’s use you as an example. you know everyone in your clan, yes?”

“yes.” he nodded.

“right. in a country on earth, you’d never be able to meet every person who lives in that country. there are too many people. it would be like if all the clans from sea to sea across the land we’re on now were one clan.” you tried to explain.

to your delight, he seemed to understand. his eyes were wider than they usually were. he let out a soft breath and shook his head, “and these cowboys…were there a lot of them?”

“in the past, yes. where i lived and in the time i lived, no. there aren’t enough animals on earth for cowboys to be useful. there are no more great plaines, either. no horses to ride. it’s all metal and machines.” you said with a small frown.

“is there no great mother on earth, too?” tsu’tey asked.

you shrugged. “if there was one then she died long before i was born.”

tsu’tey frowned. you could see the sympathy he held for you. his face was so expressive for someone so rough around the edges.

“how did you come here?” tsu’tey asked. the question was careful. it was as if he presented it to you in the palms of his hands and braced himself for rejection.

that was exactly what you gave him.

“i want to be a hunter.” you said outright. you pushed aside your leaf still full of food. you were no longer hungry. as you met his eyes, you nodded once. “i want to be a warrior like you and i want you to teach me.”

tsu’tey sat back. he narrowed his eyes at you and took in the whole of you. his eyes trailed from your head to your crossed legs. the bruises that decorated your body had yet to fade. being a hunter was a lot harder than being a direhorse rider. being a warrior was more dangerous than both.

“tomorrow you shall rest. that is decided. it is needed. the day after, i will teach you how to use a bow.” tsu’tey said.

heat rose to your face and your tail swayed wildly behind you. so wildly that you reached back to grab it. he hadn’t said no. he hadn’t laughed. he hadn’t called you a moron.

he would teach you.

he would mold you into a fierce warrior and a bountiful hunter because no student was better to teach than one who was a blank canvas.

“why do you look like that?” tsu’tey asked with a small scowl.

“huh? uh…” you were quick to let go of your tail. your ears pinned and you looked anywhere but at him. “i don’t know…i think im just surprised that you’re agreeing to let me become what you are. a warrior. a hunter. i figured you would’ve told me to start warming up my singing voice.”

tsu’tey laughed. a low, grunt-like laugh came out of his nose. as he picked apart a green-shelled bug, he smiled. “i told you once before, skxawng. if you want to be a hunter, i will make you a hunter. i don’t like singing. i would dislike you more if you had chosen to sing over shoot a bow.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “right…”

“you learn fast.” tsu’tey said without looking at you, “you are determined, too. you proved me wrong when you got back on mitsia after you kept falling off. i thought you would quit.”

“my only doubt left of you is that your body will give out on you.” he met your eyes and shook his head. “you are not true navi. it will be a very great test of your strength, demon, but if you are willing then i will teach you.”

“i am.” you said with a slow nod of your head. you looked into his eyes and kept your chin up. “i made my choice. i want to learn all that you know.”

tsu’tey seemed to savor your words. more than that, he savored the look in your eyes. he saw into you. he saw your resolve. it was as hard as steel.

on earth, you had been nothing.

on pandora, you would be exceptional.

“it is decided then.” tsu’tey said.

you smiled to yourself. you couldn’t help it. looking above, you took in as much detail of home tree as you could but there was only one picture in your mind.

his face.

over the last nine days, you had done well to keep up with him. so much so that you refused to quit even when you took a particularly bad fall off mitsia. you couldn’t let him know that it hurt. pride kept you stubborn— but the desire to see him proud burned hotter and hotter each time you tried.

tsu’tey was a good teacher. he was handsy and harsh, but he was the only person capable of teaching you. he could handle your stubbornness as well as you could handle his. while he scolded you and smacked you on the back of the head when you would do incredibly stupid and dangerous things, he was quick to congratulate and reward you, too.

not all his edges were rough.

most. but not all.

“here,” tsu’tey said. he tossed you a pouch as you climbed down into your hammock.

“what is this?” you asked.

sitting on your knees, you opened the pouch. dumping it into your hand, a palm-size carving of a direhorses fell out.

it was mitsia.

when you looked up to thank him, he was gone. the flap to his hanging hut closed as he disappeared inside.

you bit back a smile as you laid down in your hammock. holding up the carving, you admired the craftsmanship. for the last three days, you would wake to him sitting on the branch beside your hammock. he had been whittling something. wood chips would be piled beside him. he would be quick to tuck away his work and sheath his knife as you awoke.

in the morning hours you were not here, he carved as he watched you sleep without dreaming.

you kept the carving of your direhorse close to your chest as you laid back. closing you eyes, you wished to dream. in this body, you wanted to dream of thundering hooves and tsutey’s sharp smile.

the whirr of the link-pod greeted you. the hatch opened and the bright, white lights of the lab made your eyes burn. home tree at this hour was dark and quiet. the avatar lab was always busy. pushing yourself out of the pod, you rolled out the stiffness in your shoulders.

“long day again, huh?” norm turned in his chair as you passed by. he was studying slides under one of the microscopes. “what did he have you doing this time?”

“hey, no talking until after she logs.” grace said without bothering to look away from the computer she typed at. “detail the day while it’s fresh in your mind.”

“yeah, yeah…” you mumbled as you made your way over to a chair in the corner.

the blinking red light told you the tiny camera was recording you. that and the fact that you could see your face displayed on the screen as the time ticked by. you gave your name, your badge number, and the date before detailing the events of today. you hated logging. you hated sitting at that desk and recalling everything you’d done.

you hated it because it made you miss him.

the feeling was new to you. it crept up on you like a cold. each hour spent outside of your avatar had you growing sicker and sicker with the feeling.

the feeling of longing that came with wanting to be in home tree. wanting to wake up— really wake up in your hammock. being up early enough to eat breakfast with the clan.

with him.

you liked to argue with him. you could see the slight smile on your lips each time you spoke about him in your video logs. you hated that you smiled— but you couldn’t help it. apart from jake, tsu’tey was the only person you felt you had any kind of rapport with. he could be mean and calloused— but he was also the only person on this giant blue moon who spent any meaningful time with you.

jake kept you company at breakfast and dinner. he played card games with you before bed. he was easy to talk about human life to. you expressed your grief to him— as hard as it was — because he understood. he lost his brother like you had lost your sister. he, too, felt like an imposter in the avatar labs.

the bond you two shared was solid.

he could make you smile. he could make you laugh. he could make you cry. he could make you feel as though you did belong here in the RDA. he was a comforting presence that you hadn’t known you needed after the death of your sister had left a hole in your heart.

jake didn’t fill the hole— but he did a damn good job of making it hurt less.

tsu’tey was not your friend.

unlike jake, tsu’tey refused to be labeled as such— and yet he acted like one. he was a strict teacher. that much could not be denied. he worked you to the point of bruises…but at the same time, he consoled every hurt. he checked every bump. he tended to every scratch.

he may not have known you like jake knew you, but he spent the most time with you. he spent hours and hours alongside you. his days started and ended with you. teaching you. correcting you. yelling at you. bickering with you. teasing you. smiling at you.

jake knew your story.

he knew your heartache.

he knew your fears.

tsu’tey knew your hopes.

he knew your strength.

he knew your hunger for life.

in so many ways you couldn’t quite put into words, tsu’tey was the only one to know you. what you were. what you were capable of. what drove you. what focused you. what lit a fire under your ass. what strength you had in your heart.

on earth, you had been nothing. just another person on a dying planet. you had no plans because there were no plans to have. you had no money. not enough to be comfortable. not enough to find happiness. you had no family. sickness and poverty had withered them all away. with the death of your sister, you may as well have died, too.

on pandora, you had the chance to be anything you wanted to be. a warrior. a hunter. a singer. a scientist. a gardener. a solider. there were so many things you could be— yet you hardly knew who you were.

each day you got into that link-pod, it was a constant battle of which one was real.

which you was real?

you knew the version of you that could no longer exist. the girl from earth had died when her sister passed— and whoever emerged from the smog keeping you wilted was new. she was a stranger to everyone around her.

including you.

which is why you chose to be strong. if you could be anything on pandora, you would be strong. you would be brave. you would be kind.

who you chose to be was a mirror of the first person to look into your eyes and see you.

tsu’tey knew you better than anyone in this lab ever could because he watched you find yourself more and more within the forests of pandora.

you liked the sun. it felt good on your skin. you liked to swim in the river. it felt good to be weightless. you liked to ride and you liked to run. you liked to laugh. you liked to learn. you liked to try and try again when you failed.

while the avatar drivers you had been separated from on your first ground excursion worked on understanding the forest around them on a cellular, scientific level— you worked on understanding the forest on a personal level.

you scraped your knees on the forest floor. you climbed the towering trees. you formed tsaheylu with pa’li. you had been blessed by the atokirina.

grace saw the forest through the lens of a microscope while you saw the forest through his eyes.

“tsu’tey told me as we rode today that all energy is only borrowed. it is through that energy gifted by eywa that we are blessed to live long, fulfilling lives. when we die, we return that energy to her.” you said, rubbing your hand along your jaw. “i wonder if that applies to us demons…”

you smiled at the camera. “well, that’s about all. the same old same old. horses and riding. riding and horses. tsu’tey said that tomorrow is my rest day. i wonder what kind of trouble i’ll get myself into on a day like that.”

when the red light turned off, you sighed. rubbing your face, all you wanted was to go to bed but you couldn’t. you needed to eat and drink something. even though you had such recent memories of eating dinner in home tree that tricked your mind into thinking you were full— your stomach growled and gnawed at itself.

“hey, hot-shot.” you said as you sat down in the mess hall beside jake. he was already halfway done with his dinner.

“hey there, forest girl.” jake said with a grin. “you’re back pretty late again. get thrown off your horse at all today?”

“nah. i’ve got that horse-riding shit on lock down.” you said as you took a bite of your dinner. the food tasted weird. it always did. you tried your best to ignore it. “how was your day?”

“boring. all i do is stand around while grace and norm scurry around the woods together and put dirt into jars. i dunno how tommy found any of this shit interesting. i mean, pandora is awesome but the science work i see grace and norm do is like watching paint dry.” jake said with a sigh.

you laughed and frowned at him. “i wish you could come to home tree and spend a day with me and tsu’tey. i don’t think he’d like you very much, but at least it would be something for you to do. it would be like basic training but navi style.”

“i wish i could, too. im jealous that you get to spend your days running around in the woods while im stuck with the know-it-all’s. but i live vicariously through you in your stories.”

“is it fun?” jake asked. he smiled. “yknow, riding those big ass horses?”

you smiled, too. “so much fun. you’d love it. you’d be good at it. i bet you’d master it faster than me.”

jake offered to stay with you while you finished your dinner even though he’d finished first. you enjoyed his company. sitting together, you talked mindlessly about hobbies the two of you had. on earth, jake had liked to go to bars and gamble while you had liked to come home from work and rot in front of the tv. no matter what was on, you would watch it. any show. any movie. it didn’t matter what it was because all it was was an escape from the shithole you lived in and the dying world outside your window.

“excuse me, miss ramsey?”

you looked over your shoulder as your name was called. a solider dressed in camo stood with his arms behind his back.

“yeah?” you asked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“if you could follow me please, colonel quaritch wants to speak with you.”

you met jake’s eyes in time to see his brows raise. with a small flick of his head, he silently told you to get going. you got up form where you were sitting, cleared away your mess, and followed behind the solider. as you walked, you saw the corporal insignia on his uniform.

“in here.” the corporal said, pushing open a set of double doors. “sit tight. he’ll be here shortly.”

the doors shut with an eery silence as the corporal left you alone. you’d been in this room once before. on your first day at hell’s gate, you’d been brought here and given a briefing. the lights were off. only moonlight spilled in through the massive windows. slowly, you took a seat on one of the cold metal chair.

minutes ticked by in silence.

it was so silent that it was deafening. it was the kind of quiet that was loud. you could hear every little sound. your breath. muffled footsteps from the floor above. faint grumbling from machines outside.

you knew what this was.

you had seen enough old detective movies to know that you were put in a room by yourself to induce worry. worry led to overthinking. overthinking led to over-talking. over-talking made it hard to lie.

the doors swinging open made you jump.

“sorry to make you wait,” colonel miles quaritch said as he strode into the room. “the dangers on this god forsaken planet never seem to cease.”

you nodded as he approached. he turned a chair around and sat backwards on it beside you. he smelled of gun powder and alcohol. it burned your nose. the scar on his face had made you uneasy from the moment you saw him for the first time. you wonder what did it. nantang? palulukan? something worse?

“i read your file, miss ramsey.” the colonel said as he folded his hands against the back of his chair. “im sorry to hear about your sister’s passing.”

“thank you.” you said softly. too softly.

“what luck the avatar program has in seeming to recruit scientists who have twins, huh? you and corporal sully are two miracles for this place. without you two, the RDA would’ve lost more billions than they could afford to make back.”

unsure of what to say, you tried your best to smile. as the colonel looked into your eyes, you found it hard to keep that smile. there was something about him that made you feel small. his eye were empty. they were cold. you felt like a rabbit who’d caught the attention of a wolf.

“i watched a couple of your video logs. you got separated from your team and you’ve been taken in by the natives, yes?” the colonel asked.

you nodded once. “yes…”

“as head of security, it’s my job to make sure my people are safe. you’re one of my people, miss ramsey, which means that avatar body you control is, too. to be honest with you, i’d say you’re now one of the most essential people in this hell hole.”

“i have a job for you, missy. i want you to gather intel about the natives for me and record it in your video logs. find out how they operate. find out what it would take to make peace with them.”

your stomach sank.

peace was still being sought.

you were so wrapped up in day to day life in home tree that you forgot that the relationship between the navi and the RDA was unfriendly in every sense of the world.

it made you feel queasy to remember your first night in the forest. sweat pooled in your palms as you recalled seeing him for the first time. those glowing eyes. that bow half-drawn, aiming for your chest.

tsu’tey had every intention of killing you.

and he would’ve if eywa hadn’t stopped him.

the colonel leaned in and asked in a low voice, “do you think you can do that for me?”

“yes, sir.” you whispered. slowly, you nodded. the only thing you could do was nod. “of course.”

“that’s good.” the colonel said with a smile. he tapped his hands on the metal of his chair as his smile grew and grew. “that’s real good, miss ramsey. you’re going to be a great deal of help to me and you’ll be making the lives of everyone here all the safer. besides, it’ll be easier to answer to me than it is to answer to dr. augustine.”

you smiled, too. you forced your lips to show your teeth and you dipped your head. “ah, she’s not so bad…but i will say i’m more keen on tactical work than computers.”

“i like to hear that.” the colonel said. “have you given any thought to enlisting? it could benefit you a lot here in hell’s gate.”

“truthfully, no. i’m not really sure what role it is i play here and i’m not too sure if i’ll pick one at all. i’m here to fill my sisters shoes in any way that i can. right now, it seems my job is to keep learning.” you said.

the colonel seemed to roll your words between the tips of his fingers. “knowledge is power— and i need all the knowledge i can get my hands on. study the natives as close as they’ve been studying you and in time, you won’t need to fill any shoes that aren’t your own.”

“your sister may have been selected to aide dr. augustine in her studies so that she can write a second book that no one will bother to read— but you? you’ve been chosen by me to ensure the security of the men and women on this base. to me, that is far more important than what you can see under a microscope.” the colonel said.

“i understand, sir.” you said with another dip of your head. “i’ll make sure to detail my findings in my logs.”

“good.” the colonel said as he stood. “you have a good rest of your night, miss ramsey. we will be in touch.”

as he walked passed you, your heart returned to its place in your chest and not lodged up into the back of your throat. you uncurled your hands from fists and rubbed them up and down your thighs to wipe away the sweat. you felt as though you could breathe.

“oh and miss ramsey?”

“yes?” you asked, turning your head.

the colonel stopped by the door and said, “make sure not to tell any of your scientist friends about this little arrangement. grace augustine gets very unhappy knowing i’ve stuck my nose into her program.”

“sure,” you said softly. “no problem.”

the colonel left without another word.

you nearly crumbled into a pile of ashes. curling over the table, you rested your face against the cold metal. your heart was racing in your chest. it was hard to breathe around the pressure on your shoulders and the tightness in your throat.

what the hell are you doing, you idiot?

you had no answer for yourself.

covering your head with your arms, anxiety burned your belly. it put a sour taste in your mouth.

you were now on the colonels radar.

he expected information out of you. he expected answers— unlike grace who expected results.

in bed, you could hardly sleep. tossing and turning, you couldn’t lay still. it felt like there were ants in your sheets. each time you felt comfortable, tsu’tey scowl flashed in your mind.

what you were going to do was wrong.

you knew in the core of your being that spying on the clan and handing over your findings to the RDA was wrong.

but what choice did you have?

you had chosen to be a warrior— and yet you had been chosen to be a spy.

you buried your face into your pillow and tried your best to ignore the way shame made you feel.

it brought you shame to know that each time you’d log the events of the day, miles quaritch would watch your recordings and use them to his advantage. and the worst part was that you couldn’t just spew bullshit. you had been tasked with learning how they operated. learning how they functioned not just as a people but as a united force. if you didn’t make the right reports with the right kind of information, what would happen to you?

you had no idea.

you did know, though, that you’d never be allowed to touch a link-pod again.

the avatar body you’d grown to love would lay a husk until it died. you’d be ripped from the forest like a weed out of the ground. you’d never be able to feel mitsia’s heart. you’d never be able to sit in home tree and listen to the people sing.

you’d never get to see tsu’tey again.

he tolerated you because you looked like him. blue, tall, and freckled with bioluminescence, your avatar did it’s job of seeming normal enough to even the mightiest warrior. even if he’d never admit it, over the last nine days you had become familiar. he wasn’t very fond of you and he was definitely not your friend— but at the very least, you were familiar to him.

he would shoot you dead if he saw you standing before him as the alien you truly were.

that was something you couldn’t risk.

your admiration for him and your hunger to learn from him was not something you could let slip away— so you would do what the colonel asked of you.

in order to run through the forest and bicker with him, you’d do as miles quaritch asked. and you would do so carefully. cautiously. as gently as you could— because you did not want was to lose the freedom you’d been given. you didn’t want to lose the life you had just begun to lead. you didn’t want to be trapped inside metal walls and crowded by machines and pollution any longer.

and the last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt him.

eywa had given tsu’tey a sign protect you. when the atokirina landed on his bow, it had been a duty gifted to him. he protected you from the nantang— from himself. and he would continue to protect you from anything that tried to harm you.

tsu’tey had given you a purpose. when he carried you to home tree and took on the burden of becoming your teacher, he’d given you a second chance at life.

it was now your turn to protect him.

from the RDA.

from the colonel.

and maybe even from yourself.

thanks for reading :)

next chapter >

#avatar 2009 #tsutey x you #tsu’tey te rangloa ateyitan #tsutey #jake sully #avatar driver reader #avatar 2009 fan fic #james cameron avatar #navi x avatar driver #grace augustine #norm spellman #neytiri #miles quaritch

45 notes · View notes

bwabys-scenarios · 1 year ago

Text

Fixer Upper

Part 26

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

part 25

part 27

warning: Kurapika spies on reader while she masturabates, non-consensual picture taking(just her face, but putting this just in case)

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah @themanicwriter01

If you’d like to be ADDED to the tawglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

The next few days passed by in a cold silence. Never had (Name)’s house felt so icy, so devoid of warmth. Each member of the household felt a chill in the air, not a single day passing by without the constant reminder that their typically kind and warm (Name) was holed up in her room, not talking to anyone.

“Do you think she’ll come out today?” Kurapika asked as he prepared breakfast. It was one of the only meals he knew how to cook after learning from (Name) during the Hunter Exam.

“If I had to look at your ugly face every day, I would stay up in my room too.”

Leorio glanced up from his newspaper. “That was pretty weak, Killua. You already have to see him every day.”

Killua sighed, Leorio was right. He had been struggling to come up with good insults lately. His spirits were down, and he missed his mom.

“… well, breakfast is ready.”

Kurapika had also been struggling to stay angry at the halfhearted taunts Killua sent his way. It was hard enough to wake up in the morning and get out of bed knowing the pain (Name) went through for him, because of him.

Soft footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs, and for the first time in nearly a week, the three perked up. Alluka was out visiting a friend, there was only one other person it could be.

“Mom!”

Killua jumped up, about to run towards her. That was until they all felt the temperature in the room go down a few degrees. At least, that’s what it felt like when they caught sight of her cold, neutral expression.

“Good morning.”

A good morning from (Name) had never felt so bad. She didn’t say anything further, simply pushing past Kurapika to make herself a bowl of cereal.

“I… I made breakfast,” Kurapika said in a soft voice. (Name) didn’t even look up from her bowl, taking a bite before walking out to sit at the farthest end of the kitchen table.

“I saw.”

An awkward silence filled the room, even Killua feeling sorry for Kurapika. (Name)’s anger didn’t burn as hot as the sun like Kurapika’s did. No, her anger was as cold as an unforgiving winter’s night. Ice might melt in the presence of flames, but even a scorching fire was no match for a blizzard.

“Are you… feeling okay?”

Leorio was the first to speak up, setting his newspaper aside to give (Name) a concerned look. She was silent for a moment longer.

“No, in all honesty, I’m not. I… don’t want to talk about it. We have more pressing matters.”

This seemed to catch the collective attention of the group. Kurapika and Killua took their seats at the table, eating breakfast as (Name) continued. “As some of you know, I have a fall celebration planned that I invited all of our friends to. It’s happening a little under two weeks, so I’ll need everyone to start getting preparations ready.”

Leorio nodded, taking out a pad of paper and a pen. “Alright, tell us what we need to do, sunshine.”

“First, the house needs to be cleaned, and I mean cleaned thoroughly.”

Killua glanced around the house, seeing it had deteriorated while (Name) was holed up in her room. “Yeah… it’ll need a thorough cleaning.”

Kurapika mostly stayed quiet, eating his breakfast as (Name) explained their plans. He didn’t want to upset her after everything.

(Name) sighed softly, finishing her cereal. “It’s going to be a tough two weeks, but it’ll… be worth it to have fun with everyone. I… haven’t spent the holiday season with all of my friends before.”

This made Kurapika frown. He had left York New two years ago right before the holiday season. (Name) had texted him before he ghosted her that she was extremely excited to spend Halloween, the fall season, and Christmas with him. He hadn’t even stopped to think about how she felt being alone during the holidays.

“Thankfully I’ve had Leorio, and then Killua and Gon last year. Otherwise… I would have been all alone.”

Kurapika flinched, shrinking into himself. He was the only one that hadn’t spent any sort of holiday besides Halloween with her, and he was determined to change that. “… I’m taking some time off of work and… my mission. I’ll be here for the party and Christmas.”

This shocked everyone, especially (Name). She finally looked at him for the first time that morning, her eyes a little wide. “Oh… that’s… that’s nice.”

The air seemed to go up a few degrees. It was still cold, but not as chilly as before. Everyone relaxed, Killua leaning against (Name)’s shoulder.

—————

A few days passed with the group getting ready for their fall gathering. Leorio and Killua were on cleaning duty, while Kurapika, Alluka, and (Name) would be working on getting the grocery list and food preparation.

“Mama, mama!”

Nanika pulled at (Name)’s skirt, her smile wide. “Hmm? What is it sweetheart?”

She giggled, hiding her face in (Name)’s chest. “I’m excited! Want to bake cookies!”

(Name) scooped her up, balancing her on her hip as she pulled out some flour. “Mmm, I was planning on making cookies for our gathering, might as well practice, yeah?”

Nanika cheered, clapping as (Name) gathered all of the ingredients for their cookies. She glanced at a cab of peaches sitting in the corner of her cabinet, thinking back to Kurapika saying he would be staying for the holiday season, even taking a break from his mission to spend time with them.

‘… he’s trying, I’ll… I’ll make him some peach cobbler.’

Earlier that day, Kurapika had locked himself up in his room. (Name) had assumed he was either not feeling well or just tired from all the preparations they’d been making. He deserved a break, and she wanted to do something nice for him. Kurapika had been trying his best to be helpful, even if he often failed miserably.

(Name) made cookies with Nanika and worked on the peach cobbler. She sat the girl down with a few freshly baked cookies and a cup of milk, Killua sneaking a few before settling on the couch with his sister to watch a movie as (Name) finished up some baking.

Once the peach cobbler was done, (Name) waited for it to cool down to a warm temperature before placing some and a scoop of ice cream in a bowl. ‘He loves cobbler, Kurapika will be so happy!’

There was no light shining from underneath his door, and when she knocked there was no answer. ‘That’s… unusual. Is he not home? I didn’t see him leave.’

(Name) wasn’t the type to walk into Kurapika’s room unannounced(she didn’t want to embarrass him by catching masturbating or crying), but… she was a little worried. So, despite her hesitance, she opened the door and peeked in.

“Kurapika?”

The blonde was kneeling by his nightstand, which had been turned into a makeshift altar. Candles, flowers, and a bowl of fruit decorated the small table, with the newest pairs of the scarlet eyes (Name) got sat in the center.

Kurapika had his eyes closed in prayer when she walked in. He looked up, anger flashing across his face. “Are you trying to be disrespectful? Today’s the only day I can feel connected… to my clan! Get out!”

She flinched when he yelled, setting the peach cobbler on his dresser. “S-sorry, I… I didn’t know this day was… sacred.”

(Name) closed the door, hurrying away as fast as she could.

Kurapika took a minute to calm down, looking up to see the peach cobbler (Name) brought him. In his anger, he hadn’t even thought to ask her why she walked in, or considered that there was no way she would know about a Kurta only holiday.

He grabbed the peach cobbler, his stomach sinking when he saw she had shaped it into a heart. She was trying to make things better, to treat him to his favorite dessert after not seeing him all day. Kurapika placed the peach cobbler on the altar, sighing softly.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at her…mom, that’s the girl I like. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and I don’t know how she puts up with me. I also think if she were here right now, she’d offer you something to eat. I hope you guys like it.”

He kneeled back down, brushed off his tabard and held his hands together in prayer.

————————

It seemed like everything was going well. It was a few days before the celebration when Kurapika’s and Leorio’s phones beeped at the same time.

They had been taking a break, watching a movie while (Name) finished up cooking dinner. Leorio was the first to look at his phone, his shoulders slumping.

“Shit, this is the worst time for that…” Leorio mumbled, causing Kurapika to look at his phone too.

Chairwomen Cheadle: There will be a mandatory Zodiac meeting at 8 pm tonight. Apologies for the short notice, anyone out of town will be allowed to attend virtually. Anyone close by are asked to show up physically.

(Name) peeked into the living room when she heard the two groan. “What are you two whining about?”

Leorio handed her his phone. “Zodiac meeting, and it’s in an hour.”

(Name) tilted her head, handing his phone back. “Oh? What’s wrong with that? The meeting is taking place in town, so you won’t need to do anything but show up.”

Kurapika, who still felt bad for yelling at her the previous day, looked up. “It’s not attendance that’s the problem, it’s… the people. They can be… how do I put this?”

“Annoying?”

“Yes, very.”

(Name) smiled as she kissed them both on the cheek. “Well, you two better get ready. You’ll have just enough time to eat dinner before leaving.”

The two turned a bright pink before they jumped up to go get ready.

After a quick dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, the two set off for the zodiac meeting. It was taking place in the same hotel Pariston used for the Halloween party.

Kurapika stepped out of the mom van and made sure his suit jacket was on straight before walking into the building. Leorio glanced back at the mom van, locked it, then followed behind.

There were only five other zodiacs present at the table, with a projector showing the faces of the other members.

The ones present were Cheadle, Gel, Pyon, Mizaistom Nana, and Kanzai. “Since everyone is now present, the meeting can begin.”

Cheadle took her seat at the head of the table, everyone else sitting when she did. The room went quiet as Cheadle organized a stack of papers. She handed the stack to Pyon. “Take one and pass it on.”

The stack went around the table, finally making it to Leorio, who paused. “… what the…”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, glancing at Leorio. He was next to the dark haired man, so he hadn’t gotten to see the picture yet.

“What’s the meaning of this!? Why are you passing around a picture of (Name) with her personal information!?”

Kurapika’s eyes widened at Leorio’s words, the blonde quickly snatching the paper out of Leorio’s hand.

On the paper was a picture of (Name), information about her height, weight, family history, and current living situation written out below it. His now scarlet eyes scanned over the text before he looked up.

“What does (Name) have to do with this meeting? Answer me, Cheadle.”

His aura spiked as he stood up, causing a few of the other members of the Zodiac to stand up as well. Cheadle was quick to hold up her hand, signaling everything was okay. This calmed down the other members enough for them and Kurapika to sit down.

“As some of you may know, (Name) (Last Name) has been the radar of the Hunter Association since the Chimera Ant incident that caused her new nen ability to form.”

Kurapika shot a glare at Leorio, his eyes saying he’d have questions after the meeting. “She’s on our radar? That sure is news to me.”

“Me too, why wasn’t I told?” Leorio asked after Kurapika. Cheadle sighed, holding up the image of (Name).

“Neither of you were told because for one you are new members, and secondly you both have personal ties to the subject.”

Kurapika scowled, crumpling the paper in his hand. “That is precisely why we should have been informed. Both of us know (Name) well, what reason would you have to keep her under surveillance?”

“It’s not surveillance. There are no cameras in her home or people following her, she just has to check in regularly to be screened to make sure she hasn’t used… her ability. That is the reason she is on our radar.”

Kurapika knew she was able to speed up the growth rate of cells to destroy human tissue, but he couldn’t see why that was worthy of keeping her on their radar. “You let Hisoka run free, but (Name) is the one you’re keeping an eye on? Not the murderous pedophilic clown!?”

Cheadle groaned. “Listen, after the Chimera Ant incident, she-“

Cheadle glanced at Leorio, who was shaking his head ever so slightly. “After she… was found, the area around her was completely barren. The concrete, organic matter, and dirt was disintegrated into ash. Her ability can be incredibly dangerous and devastating if left unchecked. Just one attack was able to leave an area completely barren, imagine what she could do on a larger scale.”

Kurapika was silent for a moment. Leorio crumpled up his paper and threw it in the trash. “Larger scale? When has she ever given you the idea that she would use that power again like that?”

Mizaistom cleared his throat, placing his own paper down on the table. “Very recently, Miss (Name) used her ability again during a mission with Kurapika Kurta, the rat zodiac. That went directly against her orders from the forner rat zodiac and former Chairman Pariston. Although her order from him was null and void when he left his position, her defying it is indeed worrying.”

“Yes, it would be bad if our little (Name) went rogue, wouldn’t it?”

Everyone looked up to see Pariston standing in the doorway, a smirk on his face. Kurapika was held back from rushing over by Leorio’s hand on his shoulder. He inhaled deeply, staring at Pariston from his seat, taking a moment before speaking.

“(Name) would never hurt an innocent person, she’s…”

There was a softness in Kurapika’s expression that none of the Zodiacs had ever seen with him. “She’s the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever encountered. I thought I lost hope in humanity after the atrocities I’ve encountered while searching for the scarlet eyes, but (Name) has shown me what true kindness is. To say she would hurt someone is blasphemous, and I won’t sit here and take you saying those things about the woman I-“

He stopped, a blush taking over his cheeks as silence filled the room. Pariston smirked, leaning against the wall. “And there’s the truth, Kurapika. You’re in love with this woman, aren’t you?”

Kurapika cleared his throat, folding his arms over his chest as he looked away. “That is irrelevant to the conversation.”

“I think it is more than relevant, Kurapika. How can we trust that your judgment isn’t biased when you’re in love with that woman?” Saiyu said through the projection screen.

“You can either trust my judgment or I can leave the Zodiac.”

This shocked even Leorio, who laughed nervously. “He’s just saying that, you know how irrational he can be when he’s-“

“Oh no I mean it. I’ll burn the entire association down if they even THINK about hurting (Name).”

Kanzai stood, narrowing his eyes. “Are you threatening us? I won’t let you do that!”

“That’s enough.”

Cheadle glanced at Kanzai, signaling him to sit back down. He did so with a grumble, keeping an eye on Kurapika.

“Kurapika, no one is going to hurt (Name). I gathered you here to inform you all that she agreed to reinstating her vow to not use her ability.”

Kurapika’s eyes widened, and he relaxed into his seat. “She didn’t tell me about that…”

“She doesn’t tell you a lot of things, Kurapika.” Pariston said, taking his seat across from the blonde.

Kurapika growled, clenching his fist at his side, his foot tapping away. Leorio patted his shoulder, taking out his phone and showing Kurapika a picture of (Name) snuggled up wearing a Christmas themed onesie with little reindeer ears on the hood.

Not only did this calm him down, it also made him blush, a soft smile on his face as he stared at Leorio’s phone. “Thanks, Leorio. That… that really helped.”

The rest of the meeting went as smoothly as it could, and the two got ready to leave. They were stopped by Pariston, who was still sat at the table.

“You hesitated a bit back there, Kurapika. What’s our girl been up to lately?”

Kurapika felt his eyes go scarlet, his blood pressure rising as he whipped his head around. “Not ‘our’ girl, my girl.”

Pariston only smiled, folding his hands under his chin. “You’re dodging the question, Kurta. What has she been up to that has you so worked up?”

“Nothing, besides working her ass off to make sure this fall gathering goes off without a hitch. You think she could hurt someone? She’s made sure to meticulously plan out every dish so that none of them has nuts them because ONE kid that’s attending has an allergy! Tell me, how the fuck is a woman as kind as her-“

Leorio covered his mouth, sighing. “We’ll be leaving.”

Pariston sighed, waving them away with his hand. He watched the pair leave, laughing to himself as the other zodiac members present glanced between him and Cheadle.

“Pariston… what are you planning?”

The blonde smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Something entertaining.”

——————

It was late when they got home, nearly 10. The kids were in bed by then, and (Name) was nowhere to be seen. Leorio tugged off his suit jacket and pants before collapsing on the couch in his boxers and dress shirt. Kurapika glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you just going to sleep like that in the living room? That’s impolite to Alluka and (Name).”

Leorio groaned and waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah yeah, whatever. They won’t care, and besides I have to be out of here before 7 to run by my apartment and grab my homework before classes. Alluka doesn’t wake up until 9, and (Name) has seen my dick.”

Kurapika turned bright red before smacking Leorio over the head. “Hey, what was that for?”

The blonde huffed, turning on his heels to climb up the staircase. “Hmph.”

He wanted to give Leorio another good whack, but decided going to talk to (Name) was a bit more important. Kurapika was going to ask her for more information on the Chimera Ant incident, and why everyone was being so secretive about it.

He was going to do that, until he saw that her door was slightly ajar, and could hear soft pants and moans coming from inside.

A tent rose up in his pants, his breath hitching as he stood still, just inches away from her door. ‘Is… is she..?’

He took a deep breath before peeking through the crack in the door, blinking a few times before his eyes focused on (Name)’s figure.

Her face was in the pillow, her ass in the air and pussy on full display. This was the first time he had ever seen her pussy, and Kurapika felt his cock leak through his boxers, getting his pants sticky with precum.

Her pussy was perfect, looking soft and chubby, just like her. Kurapika watched her spread her plump pussy lips, her index finger rubbing circles into her clit. Before he knew it he was leaning against the doorway, desperately fisting his cock to the heavenly sight before him.

She looked way too cute with her chubby cheek squished against the pillow, her eyes half lidded and lips glossy from drool. Little pants and whines left her lips as her fingers wandered to her entrance.

Kurapika stifled a moan when he watched her stuff her fingers into her pussy, having to cover his mouth with one hand as he jerked off with the other.

‘So pretty… god (Name) I want you so fucking bad…’

As he pumped his cock, he remembered the way she jerked him off just nearly two weeks ago. Kurapika wondered if he could just… walk in and… help her out.

Then another memory surfaced in his head, the image of her face when he wouldn’t tell her how he really felt about her. This was enough to make him go soft, his eyes flickering from her dripping pussy to her face.

She was crying.

There were tears in the corners of her eyes, a tremble to her lips. Her fingers moved faster as she sniffled and moaned.

Was she upset? Sad? He didn’t know, but he did know that her tears made his heart ache. She didn’t cry when he made her cum, was there some reason for this?

He was going to leave and let her have her privacy. After all, she feared he may only want her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies, and jerking off to her while she was obviously upset wouldn’t really help his case.

Kurapika began to step back when he heard something that had his cock getting so hard it pressed against his tummy.

“Pika… please… w-want you…”

He felt his heart race, all the blood in his body rushing to his dick. ‘She’s… she’s thinking of me while…’

He stroked his cock to the pretty sight, trying so hard to pace himself so he could cum with her, but it got hard when he watched her fuck herself with her fingers while whimpering his name.

He came, panting softly as he watched her orgasm wash over her, cum dripping down her thighs. More than anything, he wanted to walk in and clean up those plump thighs with his tongue, but Kurapika stopped himself.

Instead, he took one last glance at her sweet, pleasured face before pulling out his phone. He bit his lip as he took a quick picture of her soft face, making sure not to get her nude body in the shot, no matter how much he wanted it.

Her face was enough to get him rock hard again, the blonde barely making it to his room before his hand was shoved in his pants again, jerking off to her o-face.

(Name) moaning his name confirmed in his mind that she was attracted to him and wanted him. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel guilty, almost giggling in delight like a girl with a crush when he thought back to it. ‘She wants me…’

————————

Over the next two days, Kurapika became rather clingy with (Name), following her around like a lost, lovesick puppy.

“Kurapika.”

“Yes, angel?”

“… get out, I’m trying to pee.”

Kurapika stood at the doorway of the bathroom, tilting his head. “Oh, go ahead. Don’t mind me.”

“I most certainly WILL mind you! Out!”

He pouted, crossing his arms. “Why? I just-“

“Kurapika Kurta I can’t pee with you watching me! Go!”

(Name) threw a bottle of shampoo at him, causing the blonde to rush out of the door and close it behind him. ‘Geez, what has gotten into him? He’s been clinging to me like a needy child. Even Killua wasn’t this bad… when…’

She sighed, washing her hands. ‘Oh, Killua…’

Kurapika was waiting outside the bathroom, watching her. “Took you long enough. Now come on, I want some-“

(Name) pinched his cheek, huffing. “No, I need to cook. You’ve been so clingy lately, what’s up with you?”

His cheeks turned pink, but he didn’t move away from her. “I…”

Kurapika didn’t want to admit he overheard her moaning his name, because then he would have to explain himself more, and might tell her more than he wanted to. He didn’t like lying, so might as well not say anything. “… sorry. I’ll help with the cooking, if that’s alright with you.”

(Name) smiled, taking his hand. “That’s perfectly fine, Pika. I need all the help I can get.”

He let her lead him downstairs, his eyes soft. Every time her skin touched his, Kurapika could feel his heart pound behind his ribs. “(Name)… I-“

“Oh look it’s the blonde twink. Have you finished following my mom like a mutt in heat and decided to actually help out?”

Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched, a scowl taking over his face. (Name) glanced at Kurapika, trying to hold back an amused smile. “Oh stop it Killua, he’s just attached to me. Much like a little puppy.”

Kurapika huffed, pulling his arm away before crossing them both over his chest. “I just… wanted to make sure you’re alright. You… you were hurt during our mission.”

“Yeah, but that was nearly three weeks ago, Kurapika.” (Name) said, giving him a knowing smile. “You just like being around me~”

The blonde turned a bright red, even the tips of his ears going pink. “Y-you say that like it’s a bad thing. Of course… I like being around you. You’re…”

He trailed off, clearing his throat. “Anyways, what can I do to help?”

(Name) could feel her own face grown warm, but shook off the fuzzy feeling taking over her body to answer Kurapika’s question. “You’ll be making the macaroni! It’s very easy, so-“

“Pause.”

Kurapika and (Name) looked to Killua, who held up his hands. “Mom, do you really trust a blonde to get your famous macaroni right? The only thing he knows how to cook is pancakes, eggs, and bacon, he’s a one trick pony!”

(Name) waved her hand dismissively, shooing Killua out of the kitchen. “Shoo, your negative energy will ruin the food.”

Killua pouted, but walked out of the kitchen. “Don’t come crying to me when he messes everything up…’

(Name) turned to Kurapika, the blonde’s heart nearly slipping a beat when you smiled at him sweetly. “Come on, let’s get started.”

She gave him a quick run down of her recipe, writing down the details. “Okay, don’t overcook the noodles. I’ll be back in a few minutes, I need to go pick up Alluka from her date with her little girlfriend.”

(Name) paused for a moment, glancing at Kurapika before standing on her tippy toes and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Good luck, I believe in you.”

Before she could pull away, Kurapika turned and held onto her neck, keeping her in place as he leaned down to kiss her lips. “Thank you, (Name). I won’t let you down.”

Her face was hot, her eyes shining as they stared into his. “Kurapika…”

“It’s Pika, (Name),” he said softly, going back in for another kiss. Before he could slip his tongue into her mouth, she pushed him back, letting out a soft sigh.

“I’ve… got to go, Alluka is waiting.”

Kurapika nodded, pushing a piece of her hair out of her face. “Go ahead, I’ll be here.”

He smiled as he watched her leave, feeling giddy. Now that he knew she wanted him, his confidence had gone up a bit, allowing him to be more affectionate with her without fear.

‘Mmm…’

He licked his lip, his cheeks flushing when he tasted her strawberry flavored chapstick. Kurapika began to boil the macaroni, his head in the clouds. Everything felt so… warm and fuzzy. Was this what being in love was like? Kurapika wanted to bathe in this feeling, he had finally made up his mind.

He wanted to be with (Name).

No matter how he tried to separate himself from her, he was always drawn back, as if they were magnets meant to connect and stick by each other’s side.

‘And I can’t leave her, now that I know the Hunter Association is keeping an eye on her…’

It filled Kurapika with rage to know they believed (Name) was capable of causing destruction on a massive scale. The girl had a crisis over killing a man that was objectively awful, to think she could hurt an innocent was beyond comprehension for the Kurta.

Before, he wanted to leave to keep her safe, but now he knew even if he left, she would never truly be free from danger. The only thing he could do was stay by her side, protecting his angel to his best ability. He would die if it meant she would continue to live a happy, carefree life.

‘But…’

He bit his lip, watching the water on the stove boil. ‘My mission… I have to finish it first. I’ll hunt down the phantom troupe, then…’

He blushed, pouring the noodles into the water.

‘Then she’ll be mine.’

——————

“You seem to be in a good mood, big sis,” Alluka said, watching (Name) from the backseat. (Name) laughed, turning into the driveway.

“Yeah… I guess I am in a good mood.”

She felt happy for the first time since she killed that man, her heart fluttering at the memory of Kurapika’s lips on hers. The kiss had been so tender, full of a feeling that (Name) hoped was love. Maybe, just maybe, the two actually had something between them. She really hoped so, (Name) had never seen Kurapika look at anyone but her that way.

All of these fuzzy feelings were squashed when she walked into the kitchen to see Kurapika staring at a pot of… macaroni? At least she thought it was, but the noodles were over cooked and soggy, while the cheese was dry. “Kurapika…”

The blonde glanced at her, looking like a kicked puppy. “I… I really tried my best, (Name).”

She didn’t have it in her to stay mad at him, instead giving him a small smile. “Well, it was your first time making my recipe, don’t beat yourself up-“

“Mom, why does the mac and cheese taste like someone without a soul made it?”

They looked to see Killua spitting the bite of macaroni he ate into the trash. “How the FUCK did you make it so dry but overcook the noodles to the point they’re slimy?”

Kurapika grimaced, Alluka peeking at the macaroni. When she attempted to try a bite, Killua lifted it out of her reach and placed in where she couldn’t reach. “Don’t eat that, Alluka. It’ll hurt your tummy.”

(Name) rubbed her temple. “Killua, come on. It’s his first time making it.”

“Mom, if Gon did this I would understand, but Kurapika is only a year apart from you, and you can cook almost anything.”

“Baby, people have different things they’re good at and you know I already told you-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘People grow and learn at different rates’ or whatever…”

(Name) smiled, pinching his cheek. “Exactly. You’re never too old to learn something new or make a change. Never.”

Killua nodded slowly, before lightly swatting her hand away. “Come on Alluka, let’s go get my room ready for Gon.”

Kurapika watched with a fond look in his eyes as the two ran off, (Name) turning back to give him a patient smile. “Okay, let’s see the macaroni.”

She hummed as she looked over it. “Well… it’s not… awful. I’ll put it in the fridge and maybe we can salvage it later! For now…”

(Name) pulled out a container and a pie dish, setting it on the table. She pulled off the lid, the smell of cherries filling the air. “It’s cherry filling. All you have to do is poke some holes into the crust and pour this in, then bake for 45 minutes.”

She glanced at her phone. “I have to pick up Gon then go grocery shopping with Leorio. Oh, let me write down the directions so you-“

“(Name), stop. I’m not five. You can count on me for this, just take care of the groceries with Leorio,” Kurapika said, grabbing a knife to begin poking the the pie crust. She quickly replaced it with a fork, showing him how it was done.

“You poke it with a fork, silly.”

He blushed as she guided his hand, his heart thumping against his chest. “Like that, see?”

“Y-yeah, I’ve got it. Go on, angel, I don’t want you to be late.”

She gave him a nod and a gently squeeze to his hand before walking out. Kurapika sat at the table, poking holes into the pie crust as he thought about the meeting with the Zodiacs. He was supposed to ask her about why she was under watch, but he got a little… distracted.

‘What happened during the Chimera Ant incident? I bet that’s why… Killua gets those nightmares. Something bad happened, I just don’t know what yet.’

It made him anxious not knowing what could have happened to (Name) while he was away. If he was correct, Kurapika remembered having a small service and ignoring Leorio’s phone calls during that time.

‘I know some of them were for Gon, but I temper seeing (Name)’s name mentioned… the he deleted the message…’

Kurapika put the pie in the oven, sighed as he leaned against the wall. ‘Well, some of our friends and allies are coming over, maybe at least one of them will be willing to share some information with me.’

He looked at the fridge, his cheeks turning a little pink. “I wonder…”

Kurapika’s eyes scanned over the list of dishes (Name) planned on making, focusing on the dessert part. His face turned bright red when he spotted his favorite, peach cobbler with a little note beside it.

‘For my Pika <3’

She always managed to make his heart race with how thoughtful and kind she was, and now more than ever it angered him to to think of someone hurting her or thinking ill of her.

He glanced at the timer on the oven. ‘45 minutes…’

Kurapika jumped when he felt someone grab his sleeve. “Kurapika? Where’s mama?”

It was Nanika, her void like eyes staring up at him. When she was out, she would offen cling to (Name) like a child would their mother. “Oh, (Name) isn’t home right now, she-“

“M-mama isn’t home?”

Her lip quivered, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “B-but… but…”

Kurapika froze, not knowing what to do. The poor girl was clinging to his tabard, crying. “Hey, hey now, shh…”

He tried to remember what (Name) would do to cheek her up. “Nanika, it’s okay. She won’t take long, I promise.”

He gently patted her head, his fingers running through her hair in a soothing manner, much like (Name) did for the other kids when they were upset. Nanika sniffled, but began to calm down, rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

“I think you need a nap, kiddo. Alluka stayed up late last night picking out her outfit for her date.”

He picked her up, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, and brought her to the spare room, laying her down before tucking her into bed.

“Get some rest, kiddo. If you need something I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?”

Kurapika smiled down at her, feeling very soft. She was already falling asleep, her eyelids drooping. Kurapika left the room, turning the light off on his way out and leaving the door cracked.

Killua was waiting for him in the hallway, looking less hostile than usual. “She wouldn’t listen to me, and kept looking for mom. Thanks… for getting her to sleep. She can get a bit fussy when she hasn’t slept well.”

Kurapika gave him a nod before being distracted from his job again with the ring of the doorbell. “Did… (Name) say anyone was showing up so early? The get together is tomorrow…”

Killua thought for a moment then grimaced. “Oh, yeah. That’s probably Menchi.”

They both scowled, the blonde letting out an annoyed sigh before opening the door. Menchi stood behind it, wearing an ochre colored sweater, with jeans. It was a far cry from her outfit during the exam, Kurapika wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her in anything normal.

“Where’s (Name)?”

She seemed to look at Kurapika with a look of distaste, like she was just served a dish with bits of cat litter in it. The blonde tried to keep a small smile on his face. “She isn’t here at the moment, she-“

Menchi pushed her way in and immediately headed towards the kitchen. “Who the hell is burning a cherry pie!?”

Kurapika’s eyes went. He sprinted into the kitchen, his eyes wide as he glanced at the clock then the plume of smoke pouring out of the opened oven. Menchi pulled out the pie and opened the kitchen door to fan the smoke out, coughing.

“I don’t understand, I did everything (Name) told me to! I set the oven to 350, then the timer to 45 minutes-“

Menchi raised an eyebrow. “Uh… the oven is at 450, not 350.”

Kurapika’s eyes went wide before he groaned and sat down to hold his head in his hands. “Fuck… the macaroni then this, what’s wrong with me?”

Menchi stared at the charred pie, sighing. “This poor, poor pie. I assume (Name) made the filling. What a waste.”

She pulled some rolling pins out of nowhere. “No matter, I’ll get to work. You’re banned from the kitchen, blondie.”

He didn’t argue, just standing up and shuffling to his room.

———————

Gon walked around, giving everyone hugs and saying hi to Menchi before he stopped. “Hmm? Where’s Kurapika?”

(Name) shrugged, hanging up her coat. “I’m not sure, but Killua said he burned the pie earlier.”

She sighed and rubbed her temple. “It was an honest mistake, but it’s still a little frustrating to be down two dishes now.”

Gon nodded, patting her shoulder. “I’ll go talk to him! Maybe we can work something out!”

“Yeah, you go do that. I have to make sure Menchi doesn’t get off track with the food again.”

Gon walked up the stairs and knocked on Kurapika's door. "Kurapika, it's Gon! I just got here.”

The door cracked open, the blonde looking a bit downtrodden. “Oh, Gon… happy holidays. How… are you doing?”

He hummed, walking into Kurapika’s room. “I’m doing alright, but how are you? I heard… you had some problems in the kitchen.”

Kurapika nodded, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “Yeah, I just… I got distracted and I messed up… and…”

Gon held up his hand. “Everyone messes up sometimes! What matters is trying to fix the mistake you made!”

Kurapika gave him a soft smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You always know what to say, Gon.”

The boy grinned. “How about this, we’ll wait for Menchi to leave, then we’ll try and salvage that macaroni and cheese!”

The two spent the next hour really catching up. Kurapika had been hesitant to get too close to his friends again, but now that he knew he was sticking around, he wanted more than anything to be close with them again. It felt like he had become so distant from the people he cared for most, so it felt nice to be all caught up with what they had been doing.

“And you’re gonna ask (Name) on a date- Mmph!”

Kurapika covered Gon’s mouth as his face erupted into a blush. “Shh, she could hear you!”

Gon nodded as Kurapika pulled his hand away, now whispering. “I think she’ll say yes, you two have always been so close. When you were gone, she looked at your picture in the living room a lot.”

The blonde turned bright red, clearing his throat. “Is that so?”

Gon stood, peeking out the door. “Mhm. Now come on, Menchi just left!”

Kurapika followed Gon down to the kitchen and took out the macaroni. “You followed the directions on the box, right?” Gon asked as he looked at the soggy noodles and dry cheese.

Kurapika huffed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Of course, why wouldn’t I? Boil for eight minutes, remove from- hey!”

Gon began to scrape off some of the cheese. “If we take off some of the cheese, we can mix some fresh cheese in and add some extra milk and seasonings!”

Kurapika relaxed, smiling. “Ah, I forgot, you said you knew how to make macaroni and cheese during the Hunter Exam, didn’t you?”

Gon nodded proudly, setting the macaroni and cheese aside. “Now, let’s shred some cheese and get some bread crumbs!”

Though the noodles were still soggy after they were done, the macaroni and cheese looked a lot better and smelled decent. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

“Oh boys, something is smelling great in here!”

(Name) walked in, putting away her phone. She had snapped a picture of the scene before announcing her presence. ‘That’s going in the Christmas card.’

Kurapika blushed as she swiped a bit of the macaroni and cheese, fiddling with his tabard. “Kurapika, Gon, this tastes great! This is definitely going on the table, along with my macaroni and cheese.”

Gon cheered, and Kurapika sighed in relief. “Now, you two come to the table and eat your dinner. It’s burgers tonight.”

Everyone gathered at the table to eat dinner, smiling and laughing. They were all full of excitement for the next day, though none of them were prepared for the chaos that would ensue.

130 notes · View notes

oh-surprise-its-me · 1 year ago

Note

Imagine if an ex boyfriend of jamies released his nudes or their sex tape to the media and how angry and protective roy would be😭

Oh 😭 yes absolutely

(Edit: im so sorry i didn’t read the ex bf part somehow! Here is what you actually asked for!!! )

Roy thinks he might explode. He’s never seen Jamie look so defeated before. Jamie has been in and out of pr meetings all day.

Roy decided to fuck it and stress cook. He’s made all of Jamie’s favorites so far.

He turns when he hears the floorboard creak. Jamie is standing there, he looks worse then earlier. “Baby?” Jamie looks up at him, there’s a few stray tears coming down his face. Roy clicks the stove off and goes to him.

“Oh honey.”

Jamie let’s out a sob.

Roy can only gather Jamie into his arms. “It’s okay. It’ll be fine I’ll just kill them all.”

Jamie give a wet laugh. “Appreciate it but think that’s a bad idea.”

Roy knows he ask to ask. “What photos of you leaked.” Jamie leans back to look at him, he tilts his head. “You didn’t look?” Roy shakes his head. “You didn’t share them with me.”

Jamie let’s the tears really go down his face now. “You could’ve they were for you eventually anyways. Was gonna be your birthday present. That’s fucked now.”

Roy blinks at him, he wipes the tears off of Jamie’s face. “How do you feel.” Jamie shrugs. “Shit but I know it’ll be fine. Just pissed they got all the good photos. I was excited about that gift.”

A kiss gets pressed to Jamie’s head, “don’t care what you were gonna get me. I’d love it no matter what.” Jamie grins at him. “Gonna get you a Elsa dress.” Roy smiles down at his boyfriend. “Go ahead. All I want is you tied to the bed at some point.”

Roy almost said the rest of what he wanted. A sex tape they could watch, or to take when they’re away from each other. But he figures this is bad timing to even remotely bring it up.

Roy tugs Jamie back to the kitchen and lifts him up on the counter passing over a carrot. “Seriously though I’d destroy them all Jamie. I love you.”

Jamie is silent for a minute too long. “You don’t think I’m a slut right? You know those were for you only.”

Roy tosses the pan aside. Fuck the food. He goes and stands in between Jamie’s legs. “You’re mine. I don’t doubt that for a second. The only slut you are is mine.” Jamie flushes. “Right okay just wanted to check because that’s what everyone is saying and-”

“Woah. You’re panicking it’s okay Jamie you know I trust you.” He gets a nod. Roy squeezes his hips. “Got it. You love me I love you. I’m a slut for you and you alone.” Roy laughs. “Correct good boy.” Jamie kicks at him. “Thanks for offering to kill people for me. It’s sweet.”

Roy grins and kisses Jamie. “Anything for you baby. We’ll get past this. It’s fucked but it’ll be okay.” Jamie nods and leans more into Roy’s arms. “It’ll be fine.” Roy smiles into Jamie’s neck. They’re fine. Definitely getting a flash drive to keep anything else on though.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #jamie x roy #royjamie #roy x jamie #roy kent x jamie tartt #thanks for the ask !!#I hope you like it!!#mac writes ted lasso

40 notes · View notes

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 11 months ago

Note

Ohhh heheheeeeeHEHEEHHEEEEE giggles and rubs my hands together evilly. so we’ve had cult leader!geto and you who’s mad at him… and we’ve also had you who’s slowly accepting loving him…. But what about cult leader!geto and reader that’s just. Moved on. Accepted it when he left because of the understanding that it’s just the way life goes. Doesn’t mean to say that you didn’t miss him, that you still don’t, it just means that you understand that there’s no point being angry about things you can’t change, so you let it go. Obviously, it’s sugu. There’s no replacing him. But you don’t try to replace him, you just carry on with life. You find other people who are special to you and you don’t try to fill the hole he left in your heart, you accept it, heal it, and work around it. He sees you again years later and he excepts you to be angry at him — wishes that you’d be angry at him — but you’re not, you just smile at him. There’s no anger in your eyes, no bared teeth or quips of bitterness, just a soft kind of understanding that you can forgive him and carry on with your life without allowing him back in. IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE PLEASE…. It’s not quite you forgiving him and loving him, moreso just understanding and accepting that he was someone very special, but just not accepting him into your life again. He can’t exactly tame you because you’re not angry. There’s no storm to wait out, there’s no rage for him to soothe. Nonchalance and acceptance I think is the best way to combat him methinks… :333 OMGGG think of that beabadoobee song “the way things go” ohhhhh..

“Passed your house when I was on the train, in my mind you’ll always stay the same.” “And there’s so much left to say, I guess I’m just the bigger guy.” “A distant memory I used to know, oh I guess that’s just the way things go.” SCREAMS!!!! AUGGHHH IM SORRY THIS IS WAY TOO LONG BUT. AUGHH I could scream ab sugu forever…. <333 — stsg anon !!

STSG ANON i need you to know that this broke me. gutted me. i feel numb inside THIS IS SUCH A TASTY SCENARIO I’M SCREAMING

okay so. just putting this out there; i think this would break him. lmao. this is the cruelest thing you could do to him because it’ll hurt him like nothing else. and he deserves it!! this is the best possible scenario for you, but the worst for him. and that’s just….. soooo bittersweet.

He sees you again years later and he excepts you to be angry at him — wishes that you’d be angry at him — but you’re not, you just smile at him. There’s no anger in your eyes, no bared teeth or quips of bitterness, just a soft kind of understanding that you can forgive him and carry on with your life without allowing him back in.

goshhhh stsg anon…………. the way you wrote this…………. :(((( i’m in awe of you always. this made me so so emotional i’m just ……… hhhhhhh…… my heart is crumbling a tiny bit but i’m gonna try to be coherent…… T_T

i think geto would be happy for you. i think that despite his own feelings, he’d ultimately make the painful choice to respect your wishes and stay out of your life. it hurts him but there’s also this sense of inevitability — this is the natural consequence of his actions. he was a fool for expecting anything else, hoping for anything else. but a part of him always wished that you could be together again; and i think that wish hurts him more than anything.

geto really is just a lonely guy at the end of the day, and the thing about his ideal world is that it doesn’t even just boil down to a world without non-sorcerers — to geto, it boils down to a world where i don’t have to see my loved ones suffer. that’s what he wants more than anything!! and i think that even though he knows it’s unrealistic, even impossible, a part of him was always hoping that you’d wait for him to create that world for you. that you could one day go back to the way things were.

so meeting you again, and being forced to accept that it just won’t happen… that he’s just a person of your past and nothing else…. yeahhhh. it breaks him a little. then again, he always wished for your forgiveness; at least he has that. at least he knows you don’t hate him. there’s a kind of comfort in that, even though he probably would’ve preferred feelings of hatred to no feelings at all. :(

no but this is genuinely heartbreaking from geto’s pov and it’s even worse because you’re just doing what’s best for you!!! there’s no anger, no hard feelings, and it irks him because there’s nothing he can do!! you’re so right stsg anon!!! there’s no storm to wait out, there’s no rage for him to soothe….. there’s nothing he can do to change your mind. it just is what it is.

i also think this forces him into unveiling himself. this is just my own take but my interpretation of cult leader!geto is that he’s pretending to be something he’s not like . 80% of the time…. i think he copes by creating all these new personas, silly and overbearing and cruel, when deep down he’s still just sad and a little bit lost. a little lonely. it’s very telling that he felt the need to create a new family, because that’s just the kind of guy he is — he needs to have people around him to protect and cherish. very similar to gojo (stsg soulmatism strikes again)…. when he meets gojo in jjk 0 he feigns nonchalance, but later, when he’s watching the sunset and thinking about their history, he just looks sad. resigned. there’s a softness he’s trying to hide, but it never quite leaves him.

and i think that with you being so open, so sincere, he really wouldn’t have any choice but to meet that with a sincerity of his own. i can see him giving you one last sad smile, and honestly telling you that he’s happy for you. that he wishes you nothing but the best. and he truly means it. he wants you to be happy more than anything; it’s fine if he can’t be there to see it.

it’s a shame, but he’ll learn to live with it — for you.

so anyway this made me cry AND THEN YOU TOP IT OFF WITH BEABADOBEE????????? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME????????? THAT SONGGGGG STOP STOP PLEASE I CANT TAKE IT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it’s so geto i’m abt to throw up blood

can’t remember how to say your name // let alone count all the freckles on your face // a distant memory i used to know // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go

can’t remember when you said you called // miles away, and it was still my fault // the love you said you had, it sometime showed // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go

passed your house when i was on a train // in my mind, you'll always stay the same // i’m happy now, i ought to let you know // but i guess that's just the way things go // oh, i guess that's just the way things go // and i don’t mind that that's the way things go.

:(((((( stsg anon i’m not even joking this made me tear up …… he’s just so lonely. you’ll always be you, and he’ll always be suguru. i don’t think he could ever stop being fond of you, even if you were to forget him one day. in my mind, you’ll always stay the same………….. sniffle. he’ll always, always remember you.

#if u listen closely u will hear the sound of me sobbing . pls ignore this #STSG ANON WHEN I CATCH UUUUUUUUUU #ALSO pls plspls never worry about ur asks being too long THEYRE NEVER TOO LONG!! i love reading them sm!!!!!#feel free to drop a whole fic in here ill eat it up happily #TYSM FOR UR THOUGHTS <333333 every time i get an ask from u it’s like opening my fridge and finding a fresh treat :33 ily!!!#no but pairing this w a beabadoobee song is genuinely so evil i cried real tears he’s sooo beabadobee coded … so mitski coded …..#wahhhhhh i miss him :((((((( i wanna give him a big hug.#ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩

12 notes · View notes

hesitatingspirit · 5 months ago

Text

I. Boy v. World

it feels like the world is against me sometimes.

and i dont know how to make it clear that i just want to be left alone. say hi my name is adam nice to meet you please dont hurt me im just a boy please i just want to be treated like one of you. you dont have to even talk to me but if you refer to me just maybe say he but if not its okay & i’m still too aggressive. say nothing at all and i’m just too difficult to even bother with at all. loser from the start, this is an eternal summer and you’re god’s least favourite cold-blooded experiment. strap in and enjoy the ride: you’ll be here for a long time.

If I am offended by someone calling me a woman, I am too much. I am one of those trannies that makes everything about them, the spitting image of the blue-haired, big-mouthed, angry-faced caricatures of trans individuals created by the right. If I am not offended, I am making a bad name for my fellow trans siblings by not standing up for myself when people misidentify me. I am normalising the idea that people are allowed to “mess up” on purpose, label me as whatever they want. I can never win: The only way would be to never get misgendered again. To not even have it be a possibility…

But we all know that this can never happen.

No matter what I do, I am always wrong,

because what did I expect when I chose to do this?

I mean,

Everyone knows how the world feels about people like me.

What DID I expect?

Would it have been easier for me to just stay a girl?

Easier for which one of us?

The world is run by spiders weaving complex webs of lies and careful misinformation, all vague enough to seem true to those who only catch the news in passing and parrot it at work, conversing at the water coolers. But being wrong is a disease, and baby, it's contagious: Mask up and shut your mouth and maybe even your ears too.

They are just trying to provoke me. They want to make me step out of line, so when I finally say “hey im a bit uncomfortable” They can finally say

I knew there was something about him!

He is one of those, he lied!

He DOES make his identity his whole personality!

No. It seems that my identity has become YOUR personality,

because my gender defines everyone but me:

The way people react to my face usually tells me all I need to know.

I can recognise a cold gaze from around the corner,

through a brick wall and from a mile away

I'm a psychic, honey, and I'm never gonna change,

so dont shoot the Messenger, okay?

and it goes like this it goes

boy with mustache makes a face when stranger calls him a girl

boy with mustache apologises for the trouble in case stranger noticed

stranger scoffs i dont see why it's such a big deal you can't expect everyone to understand

boy says i know and i’m sorry

boy goes home and forgets what he looks like.

It kinda goes like this:

different place wake up with a different face who am i today well everyone sees different things

but you know me i ride my own wave, this is My summer soundtrack

i am a skateboarder i am a stoner i am a rockstar

i am a bleach blond baby boy abandoned by god and i will never die again

mask after mask name after name

another ring around my eyes after another night awake

bags full of sleep deprived weekends staying busy with a racing head

lids heavy with the memories of endless nights

it’ll weigh me down ‘til i’m lowered into my early grave

and all the brick roads and sunsets up in my favourite singer’s hometown will never hit me the same

ghosts see the world differently,

ever so slightly colourblind

translucent lids half-covering eyes that have grown so tired from all they’ve seen

an eternity an observer

an eternity more to go

the people who care what you look like or hate what you listen to aren't really people that should be in your life anyway. so i don't care too much when they cut me off.

i don't care at all,

i just find it so insane that somehow i'm hurting people by being alive. by breathing.

if i enjoyed the shapes of the words she and her in your mouth if i enjoyed the twang of their sound waves if i could love the way the words hit my eardrums then my existence would be pure, a gift from god and i would be a miracle

but because i stand up for myself

because i have committed the crime of wanting to be happy

i am irredeemably evil

forever unclean,

stain on society and a file best left unopened.

top secret, confidential. don't ask, don't tell, but tell them what you don't know, tell them what you want to think. don't ask, don't tell, but they’ll always ask, and you’ll always tell.

“we don’t talk about her anymore.”

“she went crazy.”

“i heard it was drugs that did it.”

“i heard it was schizophrenia.”

“i think she was into witchcraft.”

god forbid a boy want to be loved: god forbid i avenge my death.

porcelain is so easily cracked,

you don't think i have a right to self defense?

i have to crawl out of my grave because this city is all i know. and this place can get so damn cold.

my rebirth will be slow. it will be terrible. and it is commencing.

#hesitatingspirit #hesitatingspirit.txt #writing #writers on tumblr #vent post #transgender #kinda just my experience being trans. an angsty one.

4 notes · View notes

sum-ting-wong-bang-ding-ow · 2 years ago

Text

I’m sorry for how I acted tonight. I’m really just trying to figure out how to life my life knowing that everything I knew is wrong. For so long I was okay with just dying and not doing anything. And right now I’m just so angry. I have to find a reason to do stuff. I’m bored out of my mind and I’m still learning to be okay with everything. And to be completely honest I begged you for so much to let me back in and that I’d deal with the consequences of it, but really, now that Im trying to keep going, I don’t think I can ever be okay with what happened. I am bitter. And I still love you, and I don’t want to feel these things let alone take them out on you after everything we’ve worked on. I have these moments where interacting with you just takes me away from reality but eventually I come back and realize what my situation really is. Im 20 years old. I lost what I thought my career would be. I don’t have my license. I have no money saved. I’ve been married and divorced and took it like hell. And somehow Im supposed to smile and keep pushing and act like it’s all okay. Im not okay. Im honestly not sure I will be. I’ve been bored. No hobbies. No money. No goals. No patience. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m complaining any there actually isn’t anything to do except get over it. Nicotine doesn’t help. Food doesn’t help. I feel like a child again in all the worst ways. Im stuck, with no control, and have no choice but to let time pass me by. It’s either that or die. And as much as I can stare down the barrel of my own loaded gun and not feel anything, I don’t want to die. I think I’m through the worst of what happened but it’s still a struggle. It’s still a struggle picking up the pieces of everything I destroyed and somehow being okay with it and moving on. I need to be okay with this. I can’t keep reminiscing and hurting myself over this. It feels impossible. I need to get my shit together. Maybe one day I’ll have what I want. Or maybe I’ll find something else to want. Im not sure. I really don’t know. The days just need to keep passing. Im not sure what to do about you. I love you more than anything in this world. But it hurts. And if I let you go, it’ll hurt all over again just as bad as before. I want to learn to be okay with how things are now. Im not right now. But I understand it takes time. Somehow I really have to honestly be okay with you. Im not sure how. I love you more than anything. But I hate that I lost you. I need to figure this out. I still haven’t found the answers. I’m sorry for taking this out on you. I had to write this somewhere. I’m guessing you get notifications from this account. So goodnight. I love you. It hurts but I still do and always will.

0 notes

moonlitmeeks · 3 years ago

Text

being sirius and regulus black's younger sister !

warnings; swearing, mentions of bad families, fem!reader

requested: yes

a/n; the black brothers are the lomls so i loved writing this, im so sorry abt how late it is but i hope you enjoy!

❥ okay first things first: these boys are so protective over you

it’s their older brother rights, as sirius claims

not in an overbearing way though

…mostly

like, they don’t mind if you go on dates, except for the odd teasing here and there

but the moment someone even thinks about messing with you? it’s over for them

because not only do they have regulus and sirius to deal with, oh no

they also have remus, james, and peter to answer to

no one messes with their little sister

so it’s pretty safe to say that you’re left alone during your time at hogwarts

❥ but let’s go into your relationship with each brother, shall we

❥ starting with sirius!

❥ sirius is definitely the older brother who teases you non-stop

it’s out of love, so he says

he always uses the “i’m older!” excuse for everything, whether relevant to the argument or not

“ugh, you know i really wish i could y/n, but i’m the oldest.” “sirius. what the fuck does that have to do with passing me a fork?”

he’ll also make jokes about how young you are

you’re only three years apart, but do you really think that’s gonna stop him? of course not

james will make a sex joke and sirius will cover you ears, insisting that there’s “innocent ears” in the room

leading you to swat at him in annoyance

❥ you and sirius are quite similar in some ways though

i mean, your music taste would definitely have some ties to the albums sirius would rebelliously blast through the halls of grimmauld place when he wanted to tick your mother off

and there is certainly at least a little influence over your fashion sense, even if minute

he’s grown used to you stealing his leather jacket to the point that if it’s missing, he comes straight to you

and some of his rings definitely end up in your possession

he’ll pretend it bothers him, but he really couldn’t care

❥ he will do anything in his power to protect you, especially from your parents

he’ll take the brunt of any harsh words or the blame for anything, even if he’s not at fault

he tries to shelter you from them as much as possible when they’re angry

sirius tries to be the ‘strong older brother’ who takes everything on for his siblings

so please, please comfort him whenever you can, because no matter how much he hides it, it takes a toll on him

❥ moving on to regulus

❥ regulus is the brother you go to whenever you need to have a chat

not that sirius isn’t good for this, no

but if something’s bothering you, whilst sirius jumps to finding a solution, reggie will just offer you comfort and company

you don’t need to have an answer, or a way to figure things out

he’ll just let you talk and show you he’s there for you, show you that he cares

most times after a talk with reggie, your favourite snack just happens to appear in your dorm room later that night, though he claims he has no idea how they got there

❥ if you need to study, regulus is the brother you want to go to

many a night has been spent in the library with him, going over whatever essay you have due

he’ll help you out with your own work, saying it’ll refresh his memory

“reggie. this is fourth year divination homework. you’re supposed to be doing your potions essay.” “yeah? well, i need to revise fourth year divination actually, so pass it over.”

❥ and of course, the marauders love you

they see you as one of their own

you’re their sister now too, whether you like it or not

❥ remus will often sit and roll his eyes with you at his friends antics, both of you secretly amused but not willing to admit it

“your brother’s a twat, y/n.” “believe me, i know.” “i can hear you!”

he’s also very good at getting you both out of trouble, if you ever get caught in the wrong place during one of the marauders pranks

❥ james absolutely adores you

he treats you like you’re his sister instead of sirius and regulus’s

always checking up on you, offering you a hand with your homework or whatever

he’s desperate to teach you quidditch if you don’t already play

depending on your house, if you’re a gryffindor you get an easy in to the quidditch team when he’s captain

if you’re in another house, there’s definitely a playful rivalry between you both

❥ and peter, bless his heart, is an absolute sweetheart to you

always makes sure to chat to you when he sees you in the corridors, even if he only has time to give you a quick smile before he disappears into another classroom

he’s also the one who begs you to share any embarrassing stories you have of your brothers, much to their disdain

and he’s more than happy to give you his share of funny stories, like when emma vanity threw a drink in sirius’s face at the yule ball

❥ overall, your brothers adore you more than anything and you all have a great relationship

though you only have two biological brothers, it feels as though you have five

it's been a while since i wrote some hcs so i decided to reformat a little and im much much happier w them<33 also! i updated my taglist, so if you're wondering why you weren't tagged and you usually are - that's why and im sorry for any confusion!

regulus/sirius taglist; @alexclaremont-diazbutnot @mirclealignr

marauders masterlist | join my updated taglist here!

#becca's writing <3 #marauders #marauders era #marauders headcanons #sirius black #sirius black headcanons #sirius black x reader #regulus black #regulus black headcanons #regulus black x reader

445 notes · View notes

glilboy · 3 years ago

Text

ATEEZ Reactions to finding you reading smut about them: Maknae Line

i tried so hard to finish this afterworo and before bed lol. the first part did, so well? im genuinely shocked ill be honest. hope this one is just as good.

requests are open btw!!

tws below the cut

Warning! This work of fiction contains mentions of quirofilia, strength kink, dom/sub dynamics implications and general explicit topics

San:

"Baby just let me play it I just want to get us to the same level," San whined at you about a game you both played. He practically coaxed you into playing but now you genuinely enjoyed it, being hesitent to let him get you farther.

"I want to experience it myself though Sannie," you pouted back at him leaning your head on his shoulder.

"I just want to do the things you've been avoiding! It'll give you enough experience to be the same level, please," his voice became higher pitched which was your call to just let him do it.

"Whatever," you said in a fake angry voice, instantly giggling, "you do that, I'm gonna go grab a snack." You hopped up and off the bed, leaving your phone for him to mess with.

Picking up your phone, happy he got his way, he went to open the app but one was already open.

Humming he read a bit and when he read his name he twitched a little. So this was what you liked. San made you extremely nervous which caused you to be a bit hesitant to share what you liked in bed. You planned to tell him one day but he hurried that process up.

Hearing you coming back he quickly opened the right app even though he now had no actual intention to progress you.

"I am back!" you smiled plopping down with some cut fruit.

"No shit," he mused causing you to roll your eyes with a smile. His brain itching to do something now, an idea popped in seeing you eat the fruit.

Taking a piece of strawberry he held it up to your lips, you unknowingly smiled and took the fruit into your mouth. His breathing accelerated. Waiting a few minutes before he took another piece, he at first popped a piece into his mouth then grabbing another to hold it up again. You took the piece but a muffled sound of surprise came out with it when san shoved his fingers inside a bit.

Looking at him wide eyed and confused you met his which looked at you intensely. You didn't even have a chance to stop yourself before you started to suck his fingers.

"Fuck," he mumbled his gaze going a bit hazy at seeing you like this.

After sucking on his fingers for a moment you let go with a pop.

"You should really let me read more of those stories Y/N," him saying that is what made it all hit.

"Wait- oh shit," you mumbled before he took your jaw in one of his hands squishing your mouth open. The other holding another piece and pressing it to your tongue.

"I would've known sooner just how pretty you think my hands are dear."

Mingi:

Mingi could feel his face turn red, not suspecting is seemingly soft tasted girlfriend to read stuff like this. He was just trying to help! You were busy cooking dinner and asked him to send a text back to your friend, forgetting what you were last doing.

He gulped and set down your phone once sending the message. He wanted to talk about it but he had no clue how to bring it up. Once seated eating dinner you could feel the energy was off since earlier he was in such a great mood. You chose to ask about it after the meal not wanting to have an awkward dinner.

Washing the dishes you didn't feel Mingi approach from behind until he wrapped his hands around your waist.

"Hm? What's up baby?" You hummed softly with a smile.

"Can you do the dishes later...I need to talk to you about something," He set his chin on your shoulder and you could just hear a slight pout in his voice.

Drying off your hands you turned around to look at him, "what's up Mingi?"

He leaned up and took a deep breathe making you a bit worried.

"I- um fuck- Y/N I saw whats on your phone," he hesitated before just ripping off the bandaid.

Your face instantly dropped mumbling a small "ah fuck"

You stayed silent with his hands sitting on your waist. You looked at him before speaking, "Gi, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Do you want to talk about how you feel about seeing it? I'm sure you're pissed."

He tilted his head questioningly at the end, "What no- I mean, like yeah it could be weird but you're reading about me so I don't see an issue, at least as of now."

You we're now pretty puzzled, a bit tongue tied. If you remembered right, the work you had been reading was well pretty aggressive so you were sure Mingi would be weirded out. He was a soft guy and you guys experimented occasionally but nothing that far.

Being able to tell you got in your head he spoke again, "I liked it. I...liked it Y/N."

Looking back at him, his hands tightened on your waist and he moved closer so your lips brushed each others.

"Please- Fuck, can we try it?"

wooyoung:

"Y/N! Can I use your phone for a second?" Wooyoung whined laying on the bed while you we're folding laundry. He wanted attention but you had chores to do.

"Why?" You looked at him weird, knowing he was up to something.

"You'll see," he smiled, just wanting to take selfies on your phone but opened it to a book of sorts.

Curiosity got the best of him as he skimmed the page, a faint blush creeping up his neck. You guys had done a lot but something in him was set off, a smile creeping up his lips.

"Pervert," He spoke deadpanned up at you making you frown before it clicked.

"Wooyoung."

"Y/N."

A moment passed before suddenly he popped up, grabbing your hair and forcing your face into the bed. A giggle sounded from behind you as he leaned down to talk into your ear, "You read stuff like that? You're that horny for just me that you read that kind of shit? Lord your fucking head over heels for me."

"Shut the fuck up-" Your voice got cut off as he lifted you up by your hair, a hand wrapping around your throat making your mind flutter.

"Say that one more time and I'll fuck your face until you pass out like that little book dear."

Jongho:

It was supposed to be a night filled with movies, snacks, giggles and cuddles but your bladder decided to change the trajectory of the night. Excusing yourself to the bathroom you left your phone on the table faced up, not remembering that you left your tumblr notifications on around someone. The phone pinged three times in a row, making Jongho curious to which he glanced over at it.

'c. j 10:15

strength kink'

"What," he said outloud.

Clicking on the notification he began to read the work, blushing at it and embarrassed that he..liked it. Licking his lips he looked around a bit flustered.

When he heard the bathroom door shut he quickly set your phone back down, trying to not awkwardly sit there. You came back like nothing was wrong, cuddling into his side continuing to watch the film.

This is where a few days passed, each day driving Jongho more and more up the wall. Hiding in the bathroom at the studio just to get off without the chance of being caught, at least by you. Scenarios spinning in his head constantly making him want to do anything and everything at once.

When he got home that day you weren't there, his need skyrocketing to the moon. He quickly made it to your bed room and moved to the bed taking off his shirt in the process. He searched around frantically for anything of yours, spotting a t-shirt a few feet away. He pulled down his sweats letting his member spring free, bringing the shirt up to his face to inhale your scent and began to jerk off.

You on the other hand just had your friend drop you off, you jumping up the stairs excited to bring home some pastries to your boyfriend. Coming inside you quickly slipped off your shoes and looked around for him. Seeing he wasn't in the living room you headed towards your bedroom asumming he was there. Opening the door to a sight to see, Jongho jerking himself off while smelling your shirt.

You stood there silent until he opened his eyes, him now being in such a deep mindspace he didn't even seem phased. Slipping his pants back up he waltzed over to you and stood there staring at you.

"I've been going fucking insane, Y/N," he spoke getting closer, shutting the door behind you.

"What do you mean baby?" You asked softly at him. He smiled a bit and lifted a hand to your shoulder making you inhale.

"Your little fucking stories Y/N."

You looked at him wide eyed, thinking you might know which one he saw. "Jo- Fuck I'm sorry, oh god," you began to frantically apologize.

That was when he picked you up and held you up against the wall with one arm, the other hand sitting lazily around your neck.

"No. No. You've been driving me crazy in a good way. Now let me fuck you against this wall unless you want me cumming in your t-shirt."

#ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #choi san smut #san smut #song mingi smut #mingi smut #jung wooyoung smut #wooyoung smut #choi jongho smut #jongho smut

701 notes · View notes

idy-ll-ique · 4 years ago

Text

A Day Well-Spent

Pairing: Mob Boss!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: It's like... fluff to the extreme

Warnings: mention of guns

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N has just moved to Brooklyn and doesn't know how things are there. Bucky Barnes runs things around Brooklyn but what happens when they meet? Will she run away or will she still shoot her shot?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay, first of all, THANK YOU FOR 500 FOLLOWERS I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH. also i think im obsessed with mob fics????? chile anyways so... enjoy!

---

"Ready to go, sweetie?"

"You know it, babe," Y/N grinned at her friend, Clarice. The two, on their way to work, had stopped by a coffee shop for their daily dose of caffeine. As they walked out of the café, Clarice turned to Y/N. "Finish your story! What did Brad say to you after that?!" Clarice reminded her and Y/N giggled.

"Oh, he was just too sweet! But not my type, ya know what I mean? I didn't know how to turn him down," she sighed. "Poor guy. If he had approached me…" Y/N lightly shoved her friend. "I have his number, should I pass it on?" Clarice turned to Y/N, wide eyed. "Darling, you're too good to me," she spoke with a strong Brooklyn accent.

Y/N burst out laughing. She had moved from another part of the country to Brooklyn for education; along with attending college, she was also working as a waitress at a nice little restaurant. That was how she met Clarice, her being another waitress at said restaurant. The two became fast friends.

Clarice was a few years older than Y/N, a single mother with a 4 year old son. Her son was extremely cute. As Y/N continued laughing, she didn't notice how her friend stopped in her tracks. Clarice was busy staring at the huge hunk of a man a few feet ahead of Y/N, standing in the middle of the pavement with his phone held to his ear, his back to them.

Bucky Barnes.

That man was James Buchanan Barnes, the King of Brooklyn. He ran the whole damn city along with his mob; very important and influential. On top of that? He was hot-headed, easily got angry and people knew what happened when he got angry. Except Y/N. Y/N didn't even know who he was.

As Y/N neared Bucky, still laughing for some reason, Clarice thought of calling out to her. And alert him of their presence? No way! "Clarice, you know I love it when you do your acc—" All of a sudden, Y/N collided into a soft wall, spilling her coffee all over it. Opening her eyes, she found out that it was no wall; instead, she had collided straight into a person.

And drenched his back with coffee.

He was wearing what looked like a very expensive suit and Y/N immediately felt guilty. "Oh my goodness, I'm so fucking sorry!" she blurted out as Bucky pulled the phone away from his ear, turning to look at her. His men, who were loitering around, had her surrounded as they pointed their guns at her. But she didn't notice.

She was busy staring at Bucky, her jaw slightly dropped. Hot damn, he is good looking, she thought to herself. It wasn't until he cleared his throat that she snapped out of a daydream. He had a stern expression on his face and she realized she messed up. He's someone important. Then she started apologizing profusely.

Bucky simply stared at her, taking in her features as he gave her a once-over. She's new, he realized, not from Brooklyn. "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he chuckled and she immediately shut up, offering him a timid smile. "I really am sorry, I feel like a total ass. That suit looks expensive, sir, is there any way I can help? Maybe pay for dry cleaning?"

"Do you know who I am?" he instead asked and her brows furrowed. "Oh Lord, am I supposed to know?! One mess up after another…" she grumbled and Bucky couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry. My name is Bucky Barnes, you may call me Bucky." At this point, even his men were surprised, lowering their guns.

Clarice was still standing there and one of the men caught her eye. He nodded his head towards Y/N and Clarice gave him an unsure smile. He sauntered over to her. "She's with you?" he asked and Clarice groaned, dropping her head. "She's new to Brooklyn, and has no idea who he is. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience."

The man smiled at her. "No worries, looks like the boss isn't gonna hurt her. I'm Sam, by the way." Clarice gave him a shy smile. Sam was also very good-looking. "I'm Clarice, nice to meet you." Better to remain on the good side of the mob. Back to Y/N and Bucky… "Bucky, that's a good name. Short for anything?"

He ran a hand through his hair, grinning. It had been years, years since someone outside of the mob had spoken to him so freely and without fear. It felt nice and refreshing, even more so because Y/N was super gorgeous. "James Buchanan Barnes." Y/N couldn't help but laugh. "Named after a president, huh?"

"You making fun of my name now, doll?" he smirked slyly. "Oh no no, I wouldn't dare," she flirted easily, "My name is Y/N. I still feel bad about ruining your suit, you won't even take the money…" Bucky waved her off. "First, Y/N is a wonderful name. Second, you don't need to worry your pretty head over me, this suit can easily be replaced."

"Then how about this? A coffee. My treat. It'll make me feel better," she insisted. Bucky raised a quick brow, thinking that he would be the one to ask her out but oh well, this works too. "Let's call it a date, shall we?" he purred, taking a step closer to her. She didn't back off. "If you'd like," she grinned up at him.

He couldn't help but grin back. "Excellent. Then how about you put your number in my phone and I pick you up next Sunday at 7 pm?" He thrust his phone into her hand and Y/N swore she heard someone gasping in the background. Bucky Barnes was a very private person but here he was now; handing his phone to a stranger.

She quickly put her number in his phone and handed it back, smiling. "I'll await your call." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I have to go now, so I'll see you later. Say hello to your friend from my side. Sam! Stop flirting, man, we gotta go!" Y/N looked over her shoulder to see his friend flirting with Clarice.

She laughed and turned back to Bucky, who was already looking at her with a goofy grin on his face. "I'll see you next Sunday, Mr Barnes. Again, sorry for the suit!" He waved his arm in dismissal and got into the car, throwing her one last blowing kiss before zooming off. Y/N walked back to Clarice, who was staring at her, jaw dropped.

"I know the hell you didn't just do that."

"Did I do something wrong?" Y/N frowned. Then, all of a sudden, a wide grin bloomed on Clarice's face. "Do you even know who you're going to go on a date with next Sunday?!" Y/N blinked. "Is he someone important?" Clarice made a sound of indignation. "Important? Bitch, he's the Kingpin! The King of Brooklyn! A mob boss!"

Y/N's eyes went wide. "No way," she scoffed. "Yes way! Ask anyone! He runs things around here, babe. It was fun to see him all soft, though, he's kinda hot-headed and hard to impress. Even women stay away from him. And now you two are going on a date?! If this relationship does not end in a marriage I'm suing."

Y/N flushed slightly and punched Clarice on the shoulder. "Clair, we haven't even gone on one date." Clarice shrugged. "A girl can dream. Oh, your children will be the most beautiful! Did you see his right hand man, though?! Mamma mia! Said his name was Sam Wilson, I got his number!" The two reached their workplace.

Inside Bucky's car, he was still smiling, lost in thoughts. "So, that chick, huh," Sam spoke devilishly from the driver's seat. Bucky looked at him. "That's no way to talk about the future Mrs Barnes," he admonished and Sam chortled. "Dude, you haven't been on even one date! Slow down, chicks don't like dudes who plan out a marriage on the first date."

"But I know I'm right, so why shouldn't I plan?" Bucky shrugged. He was more than confident that Y/N was going to become his in the future. The way she looked at him, spoke to him, flirted with him… it was enough for him to become smitten with her at the first glance. "What about you and her friend, huh?"

It was Sam's turn to become flustered. "Clarice Light. Has a 4-year old son, Aaron." Bucky nodded thoughtfully. "A mother. Well-maintained looks," he commented, laughing when Sam punched him on the shoulder. "Why don't you think about your own chick and leave mine alone?"

---

Y/N frantically smoothed out her dress, checking herself in the mirror. She wore a beautiful, nude coloured bandage dress that reached mid-thigh, along with similar coloured heels. Bucky was coming to pick her up in 5 minutes. Even after finding out who he was she didn't back away, instead finding it empowering that the most important man in Brooklyn wanted to take her out on a date.

All of a sudden the bell rang, pulling Y/N out of her thoughts. The first thing she saw upon opening the door was a huge bouquet of red roses right in front of someone's face. He then moved the bouquet to reveal his face and Y/N smiled broadly. "Bucky!" He grinned back at her. "Hi, doll! Here, an extraordinary bouquet for an equally extraordinary woman."

"You're too flattering. These roses smell amazing, thank you so much." She took the bouquet from his hands and kept it away, stepping out of the house. Bucky offered her his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her out of the building and towards an audacious, ridiculously expensive looking car.

"Everything about you is lavish, huh?" she teased as he ushered her into the passenger seat, sitting next to her. "Bad to have a taste for the finer things in life?" he teased right back, placing his hand on her thigh as the other gripped the steering wheel. "No, I mean, you are the Kingpin. I should expect luxury."

He glanced at her to see her grinning at him. "You found out?" She nodded. "Yup, Clarice told me as soon as you left. I don't mind though, I'm just wondering… why me?" He laughed. "Why you? Sweetheart, you are the first person aside from Sam who has talked to me so freely since… since I was 18. And you're gorgeous. So why not?"

"Again, with the flattery…"

"Just stating facts, my dear."

"Also, my friend has a crush on Sam, so do tell him to ask her out." Bucky laughed harder. It had been years since he'd enjoyed himself so much. "Really? He has a crush on her too! I guess I'll tell him tomorrow." Y/N looked out of the window. "Where are we going?" Bucky gently squeezed her thigh. It was clear he wasn't taking her to a café, like originally planned.

"A picnic in the park." Y/N's eyes lit up. "I love picnics!" she squealed. "Then I guess I made a good choice," Bucky chortled along. The two soon reached the park and Bucky got out of the car first, holding the door open for Y/N to step out. "A gentleman," she noted, making him grin. He then took out the picnic basket from the backseat.

Y/N laid out the classic pink and white checkered blanket that he had brought along, taking off her heels before sitting down. "Ugh, I'd have worn pants if I knew I was going to be sitting on the ground," she groaned as she somehow sat down, adjusting her dress.

"You look gorgeous in that dress though," Bucky commented, "But you don't need to worry about public indecency because it's just you and me in the park." Y/N blinked at him as he sat down, opening the basket and taking out food. "Just us? You booked the whole park?" Bucky smirked at her. "It's easy when you run things around here."

Y/N fondly shook her head. "So much effort." He winked at her. "All for you, doll, all for you." The two maintained a chat as they ate. "So, you're new here. Why did you move to Brooklyn?" Bucky asked her. "Education. I go to [Name] college, actually, and work part-time as a waitress for some additional income," she hummed. He nodded thoughtfully.

"What about you? Is the mob a family business or a start-up?" Bucky smiled at her boldness. "Family business, my dad used to run it before me. I was 16 when I took over." Y/N realized what must've happened and gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry for your loss." Bucky returned the smile. "It's fine, he was no saint."

"No?"

"Yup, hated him actually. Used to be cruel to my mom, to me too… until he got shot. Best day of my life." Y/N gasped quietly. "Bucky! He was your father!" Bucky chuckled mercilessly. "An asshole is what he was. Geez, speaking of, my mom is gonna be so happy."

"What's her name?" Y/N took a bite of her sandwich. "Winifred. She's awesome, raised me and my sister alone, ya know? Dad was always too busy. My mom will like you, I can tell. And so will my sister." Y/N smiled at that. "A sister?" He nodded, excited to talk about his family.

"Rebecca Barnes. She's a few years younger than me, maybe your age. She goes to your college too." Y/N suddenly squealed. "You mean to tell me my best friend from college is your sister? Rebecca Barnes?!" Bucky smiled so wide he thought his cheeks were gonna tear. "You've met her?" Y/N vehemently nodded.

"She's really great, the only person kind enough to introduce herself on the first day I moved in. She was the one who showed me around campus and I found out that she mostly spent time alone because no one wanted to talk to her, her brother being involved with the bad side of law or something. But I didn't care. I still don't. She's awesome, you're awesome."

Bucky felt himself tear up at her words. "Doll, you have no idea how much that means to me." Y/N grinned at him, scooting sideways so she could lay her head on his shoulder. "I'm serious, you know. I can't wait to tell her about this." Bucky laughed in a watery tone, pressing his lips to her temple.

The two quietly ate after that. When the food was over both of them lay down on the blanket, looking up at the starry sky. "It's so beautiful," Y/N whispered, cuddling into Bucky's side as she stared at the gibbous moon. Bucky wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

"It's nothing compared to you."

Y/N laughed quietly and looked up, the same time he looked down. They met each other halfway; their lips connecting softly yet eagerly. Lost in the kiss Bucky sat up, pulling Y/N on his lap as they continued making out. Finally, after what felt like hours did they pull away, breathless. They said nothing; Bucky looked at her as if she hung the moon.

Y/N stared at him as if he were the only thing in the world. "So, when will I get a second date?" she broke the silence, leaning down to press her forehead to his. "Oh, doll, you're not getting rid of me any time soon," he shot back, laughing. Y/N giggled along and stood up.

Both of them packed their things and got into the car, Bucky offering to drive her home since it was late. So I guess it had been hours. As Bucky drove, Y/N's phone chimed. He glanced at her when she laughed. "What's so funny?" Y/N wheezed before answering.

"I've got two texts. One from Becca and one from Clarice."

Bucky couldn't stop his chuckle. "What did Becca say?" Y/N read out, "Girl, just heard you're on a date with my bro? And I— I swear if you don't become my sister in law, I'm suing." Laughter filled the car. "She really said that?" Y/N nodded. "Yup! Even Clarice, on the day we met, said the same thing! It's nuts. We just met and they're already planning a wedding."

"Speaking of, what was Clarice's message?"

"Oh nothing, just that she got back home from a date with Sam a few minutes ago."

"What?!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"That asshole had work today!"

"Bucky!"

All in all, it was a day well-spent.

---

A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a like if you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes fluff #winter soldier #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

456 notes · View notes

st0nesnglitter · 3 years ago

Note

I want to say that I love your writing and currently I’m obsessed with this one:

“Hi love, could I request wolfstar fucking a younger reader at Grimmauld Place. Do with it what you’d like, not matter what you write it’ll be great”

and I wanted to ask if I could request a part 2 or a separate fic where Sirius gets jealous and mad when Remus constantly calls him “dumb puppy” instead of pretty and it’s kinda hurt/confort

Aw cute!!

I’m not feeling too well so this isn’t gonna be super long but this was too cute to pass,,

fuck this is so short im sorry

Includes: mlm, softdom!remus, wolfstar x reader, Sirius being upset and a little mean, shit ending :)

Sirius Black is a man driven by emotions. And it’s an undeniable fact that these emotions usually fall on the dramatic side, so when his pride is hurt you know you have a big storm coming. And a huffing, quiet Sirius who stared you down but never met your eyes was dangerous.

“Hey what’s wrong darling?” Remus’ hand found its way onto Sirius’ waist, pecking his cheek lightly after the umpteenth grunt and sigh.

“Why do you care? M’ just a dumb puppy” his voice got into a mocking tone at the nickname, his lips coming out in a pout.

The last few times the three of you had engaged in proper, drawn out sex Remus had adopted a tendency to differentiate from his two puppies. It just happened that he’d label Sirius as the ‘dumb’ one.

Not in a malicious attempt to humiliate him nor because he actually saw him inferior in the academics department; Sirius just had a special sheen in his eyes when he got down on his knees that signify he was truly dumbed down by cock.

It had also become a habit outside of the bedroom, from Remus’ perspective it had been in an endearing tone and with a sparkle in his eye, but now he realized that it had come out more hurtful.

“Aw Siri, you hurt by that?”

“Don’t fucking ‘aw’ me, prick” he mumbled and pushed Remus’ hands off of his waist with a huff, stomping away down the hall.

Realization hit the werewolf that his boyfriend actually was hurt by his constant nickname, especially in contrast to your much more positive one.

“Hey Sirius!” Remus called out, making the shorter man stop in his tracks, another sigh escaping his lips.

“What? You wanna call me stupid some more?” Siris eyebrows were furrowed as he stared into Remus’ hazel eyes, “Why don’t you go and talk to your perfect, pretty puppy? They’re reading on your bed”.

His face got redder as he spoke, his lack of emotional guidance showing through the way he handled himself, throwing hurtful words at his partner.

“They’re so fucking smart, reading outside of school! Wow! A dummy like me could never” Sirius exclaimed.

In his flare of rage he had inched closer to Remus, hands gesturing as he spoke.

“Why would you even wanna be with me? Just a dumb fucking puppy!”

The lycanthrope had been around long enough to know that he needs to express himself before intersecting. But after a beat of silence and a couple of angry breaths from Siri it seemed like he got all the anger out.

“Hey, I’m sorry” Remus started, carefully, “I never meant it as an insult, I hope you know I think you’re brilliant”.

The slight wrinkle between Siris eyebrow became a little lighter and Remus saw that as his cue to keep going, pushing back a dark lock from the watery steel eyes.

“I think you’re the most gorgeous man on earth, you were the only thing that could distract me in potions class!”

Sirius’ lips quirked up and his face took on a different kind of flush than before.

“And you’re absolutely brilliant, a genius” Remus nudged Sirius’ hip with a faint smile, ”You were the whole mastermind behind our pranks, you never paid attention in class but still aced through every single one of them and no one can outrun your fast, devilish mouth”.

“Yeah but you sure have tried Moons” the raven-haired male piped up for the first time since his little explosion and wiggled his eyebrows a little.

“You see what I mean? My handsome, intelligent, amazing, funny boyfriend” Remus bent down and kissed his partner a couple of times over the forehead, cheek and nose.

“Now, can I make it up to you with some snacks and cuddles in bed?”

#marauders x you #marauders fluff #sirius black #sirius black hurt #sirius black blurb #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #wolfstar blurb #wolfstar #wolfstar imagine #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader

55 notes · View notes

levantea · 3 years ago

Text

Winter Falls | h.hyunjin

Pairing: idol bf!hyunjin x deceased gf!y/n

Genre: angst, grief, regret, death

Rating: PG

Warning: mentions of breaking down, insomnia, death, blood, accident

Word Count: 3.8k

Author’s note: Well, i am super duper inspired by this song so i am going to write something that is tragedic… if you are not comfortable or had trauma please DO NOT READ! i repeat, DO NOT READ! i do not want any cases of relapsing so ONLY read when you are ready for it!

Masterlist 🌨

———————————————————————————

I still badly missed you,

I’m still in that place.

Gathering all my memories,

I close my eyes and think.

—

2 years back

30 outgoing calls.

No matter how many times you dialed your boyfriend, he still did not picked up.

You letted out a huge sigh before walking towards your house’s window and take in some fresh air. The season was turning from autumn to winter, and the wind started to become chiller.

Unsure since when, the relationship between you and Hyunjin had deteriotated. No more sparks, no more kisses, no more hugs, no more ‘mornings’ and ‘goodnights’, no more hanging out, no more staying over. Ever since he debuted, the chance of you meeting him reduced year by year, not to mention calls and messages as well.

You thought you were prepared for it, you thought you were able to cope without him physically by your side, you thought that you were able to silently support him behind his back, you overestimated your ability of being receptive towards a ‘long-distance’ and ‘secretive’ relationship that has lasted for 4 years.

You never complained, as you understood that being an idol is not easy. Your boyfriend became a trainee without any prior knowledge to dancing, singing or rapping, and his path towards debuting was more rocky as compared to others. Initially, he still regularly called you, even just a short while, to catch up on how you had been doing and updating on his side, never forgetting to give you encouragement even though he was suffering in his practice room.

That was what made you loved him the most. He is loyal, kind, empathetic, humble, whatever complimenting words you can use on him. You always anticipated his news on when he would be debuting so you could congratulate him for not giving up on the path he chose and the support you had always gave him, and that day came which both of you shared the victorious moment together.

After he debuted 1.5 years later, the times you communicated with him reduced day by day. He always texted you messages such as “sorry hun, im busy right now”, “sorry hun, i need to go for next shoot now”, “sorry hun, im practicing now”, “sorry hun, i am really tired today, ill catch up with you when im more free,” etc. You always replied with “alright hun, take care, ill talk to you again,” until you barely received responses from him in a week.

Was it because the love faded? Or was it because career is more important than anything now?

Your eyes went red as you recalled the flashbacks of when you both just got together and how you guys spent moments during those days, exchanging promises, gifts to show how much love you both had for each other.

But those were the days that were gone.

—

If i ever pretend to be strong, it only makes me laugh.

How many times will the 4 seasons pass? Yeah.

It’ll just hurt, even if i search for memories,

I’m only getting shabby, only scars remain.

—

“One last time,” you told yourself. One last time, you will dial him and if he never answer, you will put an end to it.

When did he last called you? 8 months back? With less than 20 messages within those period. You were tired, disappointed, angry, hopeless in this relationship but still trying to give in your best to maintain that last string of it.

You remembered yourself telling him before, if he ever faces any challenges or setbacks, or he was tired, or he no longer feel the same way as he did initially for you, to tell you straight away so you could give your last wishes before parting.

There is no point hanging onto a relationship that has no communication occured or pure avoidance of conflicts. It takes 2 hands to clap, if one party doesn’t put in effort, it will be worthless to cling onto someone who don’t put you in their heart.

Dialing baby🪄🥰…

“Hi this is Hyunjin, i am currently busy right now, if you have any important messages, do leave in the voice mail and i will get back to you soon, have a great day!” a recorded voice of his sounded in your ears.

Chance was up.

“Hi hun, well, im not sure when to start from, but yea, i hope you have been doing fine. When was the last time we talked through call? If i didn’t remember wrongly, it was 8 months back? Well, I don’t want to be naggy here, but i hoped that, you have been staying safe and healthy, hydrating yourself, remember to wear more clothes as the weather is getting colder. I have tidied up your house, everything in place so that you will not forget or misplace them. I will leave the keys below the carpet, as usual, remember to pick them up when you reached here, take care and… don’t find me anymore,” your voice trailed off at the end as you were on the verge of crying. You bited your hand to control your tears, trying to avoid making any sounds of sobbing which would be recorded in the voice mail.

You quickly pressed the red button before blasting out your cries that you tried so hard to suppress. The moment you ended the unreturned call, you kind of regretted for saying the last phrase, but you were so sick of the whole relationship that has went downhill.

You were not angsty because he was busy, you were disappointed because he did not communicate, or attempt to communicate with you to seek your understanding. You were never an attention seeking person, all you needed was explaination and reassurance, which you were sure that that’s what most girls required from their other half.

After wiping your tears away, you proceeded to the room that you both shared previously to pack all your belongings into your luggage. Thankfully you did not have many things to carry as the rest of them were at your best friend’s house, since your parents were working overseas 3/4 of the year.

Within half an hour you managed to gather all your things and before you leave, you gave a one last, detailed look over this whole house. The house that you both once spent most of your time in, the house that was once filled with laughters, the house that was once you guys shared worries in, the house that you guys showed affection in.

“Good things always come to an end so quickly, what a pity,” you hissed at yourself, letting out a sarcastic laughter to yourself.

And you left the house without looking back. And little did you know that, that would be your last time looking at that house.

—

Days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer.

On my cold heart, something like ice is melting.

I feel sorry for repeatedly freezing and thawing.

Have you lost your warmth? Well…

—

“Hyunjin, y/n left a voice mail for you though,” Changbin happened to walk past his phone that was placed on the table in the makeup room that all of the members shared.

They were preparing for their comeback after they won kingdom so they were all busy with shooting and other preparations for it.

Hyunjin who just finished his part walked in and over to Changbin, who was holding onto his phone, waving the lighted screen with a wallpaper of both you and him, as well as the voice mail notification floating.

“Oh, okay since im done with my part i’ll hear it now, thanks bro,” he took over the phone and placed 1 airpod into his left ear to hear the voice message.

Initially he thought that it will be the usual check in message and sharing of how your day went but as the duration of the voice message got longer, he sensed that something was off, and he confirmed his instinct when he heard the last sentence.

He felt that his heart dropped and started to palpitate at a fast speed that he never experienced it before, not even after hours of intense dance practices he had in his whole life.

And he realised that, his heart was not beating at insane speed due to his exhaustion, it was called anxiety.

“Hyunjin, do you want to eat- wait, bro, why your face look so white? Are you okay? You look unwell,” Bang Chan came in to offer him some cookies as they had been shooting for hours and he was afraid that Hyunjin may faint since he did not eat since start of shoot.

“Hyung, i think this time round, i’m really dead, like not kidding, i’m really dead,” he started panicking and his voice quivered. Bang Chan immediately putted down the cookies and sat beside him, patting his back and finding out what had happened.

“Hyunjin, i think, y/n is really disappointed this time… i’ve told you previously right, talk to her. i know you are keeping many things behind from her because you do not want her to worry, but what she exactly needed was your open communication with her… so what is your next step now?” Bang Chan sighed after hearing his younger brother confessed.

He nodded to every sentence that was mentioned by his hyung and he started tearing up. The more he thought of what he did for the past 8 months, the more regretful he became. Ignoring what his manager said to not dial anyone during work hours, he just went out of the studio to call you back, despite wearing thin layers in the rather cold weather.

The tables have turned. He spam called you many many times but you refused to answer, and even switched off your phone when you reached your best friends house. You explained the whole situation to her and she was being a really great listener.

—

1 week later

Season has changed. Temperature has dropped, just like your heart. You were counting down to the end of the year and there were 25 more days to next year. Of course, you still decided not to answer any of his phone call, despite it keep coming in everyday. On average he called you 50 times a day just to bet on a chance that you will answer.

After a week of cooling down, you felt that it was unfair to just ended things on one sided. It was not like he betrayed you or anything that stepped onto your principles, and you guessed it would be fine to give him a chance to speak up for himself and end things on a formal note, between you and him.

The next time he called again was at 9pm, and you decided to pick up the call.

“y/n? Are you y/n? Can you hear me? You finally picked up my call,” the guy at the other end of the phone spoke with hope.

“I can hear you. Any issue?” you replied him with a cold tone even though your heart and mind told you to be kinder.

“I-i-i, can we meet for a moment? Just 30mins, 30mins to talk, i promise i wont exceed the timing… please?” he was literally begging you. If only you were physically there, he would probably went down on his knees to beg you to spare some time for him.

“…where,when,time?” you kept silent for a moment before replying. You were contemplating if you should agree to it, but you still did.

“The same usual cafe we go to, tomorrow 4pm,” he quickly replied before allowing any possible rejections from you.

“Noted,” you replied with one word before cutting the call.

Being cold was so tough. You wanted to show how ignorant you were to him but whenever he speaks, you felt yourself melting and you hated yourself for being so weak on that.

Shall see how it goes tomorrow, you thought.

—

Hiding under a quiet sky, emptying my heart.

It’s easier to push than to forget, right?

Did i miss that time? Did i miss you?

The regret of not to knowing my own name.

—

Next day

You specially woke up earlier to finish your work before meeting him, as you felt that you needed to prepare yourself and master the courage to meet the person you loved and hated after such a long time.

You wore a turtleneck knitted dress that covered all the way down to your calf with a windbreaker over you. You also wore a beanie that was once given by Hyunjin when it was your birthday 2 years back. You adored the beanie so much and you did not dare to wear too often as you were worried it would worn off easily.

Thay day just felt like the day to wear it hence you placed it elegantly over your long brown hair. Taking one last check, you left the house after wearing your brown leather boots that was also given by him as christmas present.

Oh yea, Christmas was in 17 days… and how many Christmas had you celebrated with him? You once thought that you will be able to celebrate Christmas every year with him till the day you both have reached the end of your chapter of life but it seemed like, you will be celebrating without him anymore…

You came to the junction. The cafe was opposite where you were standing, and you saw a familar figure standing on the other side of the street waving at you. He dialed your phone which you don’t understand why as you would be meeting him soon, but you answered the call anyways.

“Y/n, I will wait for you here okay? And, look up in the sky, can you see the snow falls?” he pointed in the air and as you looked up, he was right. It was snowing, and it was the first day of snow in that year. You were still wondering to yourself if you would break the record of being the only one seeing the first snow for the year but somehow, you still caught it with him, even though being a street away.

“Yea i do, it is really pretty,” your lips curved up a little bit as you see more snows falling onto your handgloves.

Even though the weather was cold, but you felt your heart getting warmer because the snow healed your heart and, somehow he was there for you, even though not in the past 8 months.

“It’s green light now,” he reminded you softly and you made your way towards him. Suddenly, you felt that there were so many words that you wanted to tell him despite you trying to brush them off. As you walked closer step by step to him, the feeling of how you missed him so badly rised. You felt like sprinting towards his embrace but, it was too late.

You were so engrossed in looking at him and being on the phone made you neglected that there was a huge truck driving at abnormally fast speed which happened to collide with you so badly, that you were being knocked a distance away, leaving you lying in a pool of blood that originated from your whole body, especially your head.

It felt like the whole time was stopped. Cars stopped, people stopped. Everyone was taken aback by what has happened in seconds and some were screaming as they saw the huge amount of blood started to stain the road that was getting white due to the snow.

You were in awful extreme pain. You felt that your bones were dislocating from every part of your body and you felt your head aching and spinning so badly, and you couldn’t recognise or hear your surrounding anymore.

The only thing you could hear was someone calling your name repetitively in a familiar voice.

Hyunjin was in total shock when he saw you being hit by the huge truck and the impact of you being thrown metres away. His mind went blank for moment before he dashed to your side, to see blood started to flood around you. He felt someone was choking him and squeezing his heart so badly that he couldn’t breathe.

“Y/n? y/n? y/n? Can you hear me?! Please don scare me babe, please, i cannot lose you, i cannot breathe without you being right by side,” Hyunjin started crying as he saw that blood keeps oozing out of your body no matter how hard he tried to stop it.

He was in total depair and he was screaming for help. He couldn’t care less about his idol image that was built over the past few years. What he only knew was, he needed to save you.

You were slowly starting to black out due to the enormous amount of pain that you couldn’t cope and you were running out of breath. You knew that time was running out.

“SOMEONE PLEASE, CALL THE AMBULANCE, IM BEGGING PLEASE!” Hyunjin was in a broken state while trying to seek help from people and coping with the truth of you were being hit and the fact that you would be dying anytime.

He still got so many words that he wanted to tell you but everything were swallowed back when he saw that tragedy.

You tried to master all your energy to use your hand and reached out to his face, but you realised your hands were filled with blood, which was not supposed to stain his beautiful face. You wanted to retract it but he took your hands over and placed on his damp cheeks.

“Hyunjin, can you come closer? I can’t raise my voice,” you squeezed your words out of your mouth while trying not to cry, as it would made you hurt even more.

He leaned in closer to your mouth while soothing your hair. “Yes, i am here babe, i am,” he caressed your hand and placed kisses on them while his tears came in contact with your hand.

“Hyunjin, there were so many words i wanted to tell you, but it seems like, i don’t have time. I just need you to know that, i love you, always, and forever, no matter where i am, my heart will always be with you… what a pity,” you gathered all your last bit of energy to convey your feelings towards him, before you stopped breathing.

And yes, you left the world when the first snow came in that year, leaving Hyunjin alone behind. What you cannot hear was him unable to hold the heartbreak any longer and he was on his knees in a disheveled heap as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

If only he could rewind the time, if only he could have talked to you more, if only he could spent time with you more, if only he could be the one walking towards you, the whole tragedy would not have happened.

And he knew that, you will never return to his side anymore.

—

I find you in my memory,

Holding your hand and walking.

It was a warm winter,

Everything was beautiful back then.

—

Aftermath

Hyunjin suffered almost everyday for the past 1.5 years ever since that accident happened. He was in the circle of guilt and constantly self-blaming for not cherishing you enough when you were alive.

He decided to declare hiatus and move back to the house you both once live in to get a hold of himself. It was so tough initially as he had to live in that house without you anymore. When he stepped back into the house, he couldn’t help but to reminisce the happy moments you both shared when younger at each corner of the house.

Especially the bedroom made him collapsed when he opened the door. He saw all the photoframes that lied peacefully on your study table and the sheets were neatly laid, awaiting for you to come home.

And he did, but alone.

He was also diagnosed with insomnia, as everytime he fell asleep he would always dream of you and ended up crying when he woke up from his slumber. He couldn’t count how many times his pillow was wet from the tears and he felt every second ticking was meant to kill him inside.

“Karma,” he laughed at himself.

—

It feels like I woke up from a long dream,

It’s snowing and time is flying.

Will the season where I embraced you come again?

I have to send it now, but it’s hard.

—

Now

Thankfully, his members were all very concern of him and visited him frequently to ensure he was okay and healing from the pain. The older members would always talked to him patiently and hear him out, and the younger ones would prepare little gifts for him to cheer him up.

And now, he managed to gather his courage and stand back on stage, facing STAYs who have been patiently waiting for him to come back. They were all very understanding towards Hyunjin’s situation and gave him encouragements through his SNS.

Hyunjin was able to walk out of the past and live on his life as an idol, bearing in mind that your heart is always with him, even though not on the same world. Whenever he felt discouraged or missed you, he will open the letter you wrote for him when you both first got together and he always keep in his wallet.

“Do what you love and love what you do. I will always be behind your back and support you. Don’t doubt your choices and you are the best, live your life to the fullest as you only live once.”

—

Moving on

Subsequently, whenever the first snow fall every year, he will definitely space out some time to visit the cafe that you did not manage to meet him that year and buy a cup of americano and a cup of caramel latte that you loved, placing it on the opposite side of the table that nobody seats on.

He knew that you loved corner seats, especially those that were right beside the glass window so you were able to catch the scenic view outside. He also knew you love winter season as it symbolises the end of year is coming and new year awaits for both of you.

“Babe, today is the first winter fall of the year, did you manage to catch it?” He mumbled to himself and probably you who may hear it in somewhere he can’t see.

“I love you, and i miss you.”

—

I loved you, loved you, loved you,

As you did, loved you, loved you, loved you.

Again it falls, the snow falls,

We fall apart,

But our hearts never.

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin ff #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids #hyunjin angst #skz angst #winter falls

128 notes · View notes

gamerwoo · 4 years ago

Text

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part One)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, angst, possible character death, a little bit of fluff but it’s like angsty fluff

Word count: 1,837

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Next | Second Chance Masterlist

a/n: things in bold are in english. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! hi i know everyone has been awaiting this series from tftp in particular. and while i wish i could say im updating this regularly,,,,,i cannot. there’s no definite update schedule, im just doing it when i can. i wanted to wait until i had all the parts written but im impatient. but i hope you’ll enjoy this series even with the slow updates, and i hope it lives up to expectations 💜

“Where’re we going?” Joshua grumbled as he followed slightly behind Hansol and Kyung, the younger boy’s hand wrapped around hers.

Joshua was going with them to the doctor without actually knowing. Kyung knew better than to tell him before they left because she figured the grumpy werewolf would just tell her no, not really caring whether he was unable to heal or not -- even though that was very clearly a bad sign that he had overexerted himself.

Kyung thought maybe Joshua would be a little less...angry all the time once she got to know him, but Joshua was stubborn well before he’d even met her -- he was just bad at shoving his stubbornness and anger down.

“I promised I’d get my back fixed if Kyung decided to stay, and you said you’d go if I went, didn’t you?” Hansol reminded his brother with a smirk over his shoulder. “We’re gonna go see that doctor we were told about. What was her name again?”

“Minjee,” Kyung replied. “Not to sound rude but...Josh, why don’t you want to see a doctor?”

“I don’t really care if I can heal or not either way,” he replied flatly, “but I said I’d get help if Hansol did. So...here we are.”

“Here we are...” she repeated in a mumble.

Joshua simply followed the mated couple in silence as the alpha led them to Minjee’s, being the first to knock on the door. It was a girl -- as expected -- that opened the door, bowing politely to the group before smiling brightly at the darker skinned girl in front of them.

“Kyung!” she exclaimed as she gestured the three of them in. “I haven’t seen you in so long -- I suppose that’s a good thing, though. How’ve you been? Your pack hasn’t mentioned you.”

“I’m not actually in that pack anymore,” Kyung told her with a shrug, her ‘cool’ exterior coming back in the presence of an old friend. “I’m an alpha of my mate’s pack now.”

Minjee seemed impressed, eyebrows raising with a smile, “Wow, look at you. How’d the sudden change happen? Jiung must be proud.”

“He’s actually...passed away.”

The doctor’s face fell, placing a comforting hand on your upper arm, “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

Kyung nodded, “I’ve been grieving, but it’s been easier with my mate. Minjee, this is Hansol, and his brother -- er, our brother, I guess -- Joshua.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Hansol said as he nodded to her. “Our brother, Soonyoung came in before with a human girl to talk about fixing us -- I’ve got silver burned into my back, and Joshua’s the healer that can’t heal anymore.”

“Ah, yes, the healer!” Minjee’s eyes lit up as she nodded excitedly. She looked to Joshua now. “Your power still hasn’t come back?”

“No,” he replied. “I thought just resting would help but...nothing.”

“I see,” she hummed, eyeing him over before looking back at Kyung like she was their mother that took them to the doctor’s office. “I’ll do a quick look over and then see what I can do. It’s almost time for me to close up, and I have to go out of town for a few days. I won’t be able to do anything until about a week from now, but they’ll be fine until then if they’ve been fine this long.”

“That’s okay,” Hansol shrugged as Joshua replied, “No worries.”

“Alright,” Minjee breathed with a warm smile, grabbing some gloves from nearby, “then let’s get started and see what’s going on.”

Even though you were never careful, you wanted to blame this on shitty luck. You were too carefree and excitable, so you ran and ran and didn’t see the trap. So with you trapped under a net with little prickles that you were sure were laced with wolfsbane from how fucking awful you felt -- that was an understatement -- all you could do was wait for hunters to come find you before death took you itself. Honestly, you hoped the latter would come first.

You faintly heard footsteps coming toward you as your vision went out of focus, your eyelids becoming too heavy to keep up. You sensed a presence beside you, the body crouching down to get a better look at you.

“What do we have here?” a female-sounding voice asked, but it sounded far away and muffled to you. “Is this another werewolf?”

“I can’t tell,” another female voice replied in a sigh. “Sura, do you have any ideas?”

“Doesn’t smell like werewolf to me,” a male voice said. “It definitely is some kind of were-creature, though. This thing wreaks of wolfsbane and it’s clearly affecting her. I’d say...coyote, maybe?”

One of the women sucked in a breath between their teeth before saying, “Prajya, help me get this net off of her -- it’ll be heavy but I’m afraid to let Sura touch it.”

Slowly, you felt the weight of the net being lifted off of you. You could also feel every little barb stuck in you being pulled out, and you whimpered softly from the stinging pain that covered your body.

“Minjee, will she make it?” the second girl asked as you were lifted into warm arms.

“No,” the male replied, “probably not.”

“The house isn’t far from here,” the first girl insisted. “We just have to hurry.”

But you were out cold before they even took the first step.

Josh and Hansol weren’t really sure why so many people wanted to go with them into town that night for them to finally get fixed. Suvi was understandable since she just enjoyed going into town, and Soomin made sense since she was basically their resident know-it-all when it came to werewolves. However, Wonwoo wanting to tag along was weird because Wonwoo didn’t like leaving the house, much less going into town. They figured maybe it was because he wanted to make sure Soomin would be alright, but she was already going to be with two werewolves and a girl who had gone into town plenty of times. She was in good hands, but whatever made Wonwoo happy.

“Are you nervous?” Suvi wondered, looking up between Hansol and Joshua as she walked.

“I don’t know how they’re going to fix my back, so that’s a little concerning,” Hansol decided, “but I’m more excited.”

Joshua just shrugged, “Eh, not really.”

“Try not to be so excited, huh,” Wonwoo commented.

Joshua did like his power. He liked that he was able to help people with it. However, it didn’t benefit him -- as in, it didn’t make his own personal healing any better than anybody else’s in the pack -- and it wouldn’t be needed if his pack wasn’t so stupid and got themselves hurt. It wasn’t fun like Seokmin’s or Chan’s or Kyung’s, and it wasn’t interesting like Jihoon’s or Soonyoung’s or Hansol’s or Minghao’s. It was boring -- kind of like Wonwoo’s or Seungcheol’s.

Suvi was the first up to the door, knocking before she took a step back to wait. The door was answered by Minjee -- as always -- who greeted them with an almost pained smile.

“Hello,” she greeted them. “Before you come in, I’d like to apologize. My partners and I have just gotten home, and one of our patients... Well, she won’t make it.”

Now that she’d mentioned it, the wolves could just barely hear the faint, slowing heartbeat from inside the house. But they could also smell that it wasn’t the typical werewolf. It was something they’d never smelled before, but it still wasn’t completely human.

Joshua also picked up on a scent that was very familiar but also so very different from anything he’d smelled before.

“We’re just trying to ease her pain until she passes,” Minjee continued, letting the small group into the house. She turned to look at somebody else who was helping with the aforementioned girl. “Sura, could you put a curtain up around her? Prajya, I’ll need you to help me with--”

Minjee stopped when she noticed Joshua stop in the doorway, his body going rigid. His golden eyes were spotting red and locked on you, hands balled into fists.

You were dying; his mate was dying. Again.

“Josh...?” Wonwoo spoke up, placing a hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

Joshua’s thoughts and opinions on re-imprinting were out the window when it registered that the girl quickly losing her life was his mate. The only thing he could focus on was you and saving you -- but he only knew one way how.

“She’s not dying,” he stated, walking straight through the small crowd and over to you where your pulse was just a moment away from completely dying out.

“What?” Minjee asked, watching him as he approached you with a set jaw and narrowed eyes.

“I’m not going to let her die,” he said louder, letting his hands hover above your body.

Joshua was too focused on trying to somehow get his powers to come back to him that he wasn’t paying any attention to Hansol and Wonwoo’s conversation over their surprise of their brother imprinting for a second time. Truthfully, nobody thought anybody would come after Lilly since Josh was so against it. But then again, imprinting wasn’t something any werewolf could control.

Joshua mumbled to himself as he tried to will his power back. He was concentrating so hard but nothing was happening. No faint glow from his palms, no color coming back to your face, and your heartbeat was still rapidly decreasing by the second. It wouldn’t be long until it was gone all together, and then there would be nothing he could do.

“C’mon...c’mon...” he grumbled, closing his eyes as his eyebrows creased together in concentration.

“Your powers won’t suddenly work,” Minjee spoke up, watching from where she stood by his pack, wanting to give the werewolf space -- especially since she was preparing for him to be grieving for the mate he’d lose before actually having her.

“They have to!” he snapped.

He refused to lose you. If he lost two mates -- even if he didn’t properly meet or know you -- he was sure he wouldn’t be able to take it.

With his last bit of energy he had in his body, his palms faintly glowed to life, spreading a tingling warmth across your body. His healing power was starting to cleanse the wolfsbane from your system, and your heartbeat was starting to become stronger and more stable. Hearing your heartbeat louder in his ears made Josh want to cry. But he didn’t have the energy for it.

As you let out a cough and a girl with brown skin rushed over to sit you up so you could empty your system, Joshua collapsed onto the floor, knowing you were alive and would hopefully stay alive. He put his everything into saving you, and he didn’t know if that would kill him, but he knew it was worth it.

447 notes · View notes

raindownforme · 4 years ago

Text

Theater Kid

Ted Nivison x reader [she/her used]

It wasn’t odd for me to be left alone in the big open space. Most nights I was there into the late hours when my teachers were too tired to remember I was there. But tonight they’d actually forgotten, so I busied myself by sweeping the giant black stage. The push broom had been left near the side lighting panel, so I chose a few flood lights to turn on to better see the flooring. The lightbulbs hummed to life above me and I went back to take center stage as a starting point. I turned to look towards the house but, as I stared out into the seats, I saw someone standing who hadn’t been there before.

“You turned the fucking floods on.” His voice echoed across the near empty space and I shushed him as quickly as possible. Fucking actors always having to be the loudest.

“Jesus Christ Theodore shut up. Haven’t you ever done this before?”

“No. I don’t stay after school cleaning like a weirdo.”

“Well you’re here. And I’m not a weirdo! It’s a shared space. If anything you should appreciate me.”

I watched as he awkwardly picked up his backpack and walked down the aisles towards me. He stood at the foot of the stage, staring up at me, which wasn’t that much of an angle for him. He was an abnormally tall person, especially for a highschool student. Of course it only added to the strange charismatic spell he held over almost everyone else in our shared department, and I hated it. I hated the way he never talked to me but talked to everyone else. I hated the way he would sit on the desks and the tables in the classroom and the makeup room and on the edge of the stage and when he caught me looking he would give me this wide, crooked smile. I hated how loud his stupid improv club was that he got to lead was because he was the only student good at it. I hated how I spent every day inside the workshop and the prop hallway and the sound booth and the set alley and the lighting booth and he never payed a bit of attention to it. It was everyone else but me. And even knowing how close I’d gotten to being the stage manager, I knew I’d always be one peg under him.

“Did you hear me?”

I blinked myself out of my angry thoughts, trying to catch up with the real world. “I’m sorry?”

“I said you don’t have to call me Theodore. Ted is fine.”

“Oh.” I rolled my shoulders back unsure of what was the appropriate next step. “Well my name is-“

“y/n I know.” He cut me off. I stared at him in confusion, simply having assumed he didn’t know who I was. “We have like five classes together. We’ve done every production together since freshman year. You’re the one in charge when I come to set days. I sit across from you in the makeup room during lunch. And I know you do all your homework at the director’s desk.”

I stared at my feet as I felt my face flush. It felt like I couldn’t make words. It didn’t make sense that this guy I thought was a prick for the last three years knew me? But I knew that I liked him knowing me. And that was the worst part; I’d been fine with thinking he didn’t know me and didn’t want to because it gave me a name to whatever this feeling was. And now I don’t know. I looked back towards him, trying to think of anything to say. “You don’t care about tech.”

“I- what?” I couldn’t tell if he was angry or confused, and I wasn’t sure which was worse. Staring at him again I noticed the strange tint to his face, which seemed to be turning pinker by the second. I could see my reflection in his glasses and I realized how awkward of an angle we were at.

I bent down on my knees to meet his eye level. “You don’t care about tech. You’re the guy who’s a lead character and comes to rehearsal just to fuck around when you’re not needed act all high and mighty when really you never do anything.”

He narrowed his eyes, as if thinking, and then slapped his bag down on the stage near my feet. “Give me a fucking broom.”

We spent the next while peacefully sweeping up the stage. At some point I switched to the nail detector (which was really a long stick with a magnet on the end) and began going around the edges and crevices to try and find anything. We crossed paths a couple times, shoulders brushing together or brooms clinking.

Eventually I had passed him just enough that he stopped me in my tracks. He grasped my forearm gently, but I stared at his hand. I didn’t seem to want him to let go. “Here.” He took an AirPod out of his ear and handed it to me.

“Ooooh fancy actor boy has AirPods.”

“Literally shut up and appreciate me.” I smiled as I walked towards the trash can. I didn’t know what was playing, but it seemed like some indie bullshit I probably would have admitted to liking if it wasn’t coming from Th- Ted.

I sighed as I leaned the broom against the wall. “I think we’re done here. I can put away the broom in the morning if you don’t know where it goes.”

“I got it.” I watched as he took the trash can under one arm and the broom to the designated little outcropping in the workshop.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you in here.”

“Eh.” He shrugged and stood up straight to look down at me better. “Freshman year someone smacked me straight across the face with a roller. Worst acne I’ve ever had.”

“Oh. Ouch. Still on the handle?”

“Nope.”

“Wet or dry?”

“Wet. With paint. Fresh paint.”

“Ooh. What color?”

“Forest green.”

“Euch. Nasty.” I chuckled as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. It wasn’t uncommon for this part of the school to be the coldest, especially surrounded by walls of exclusively concrete and a single garage door, and the seasons still changing as we neared the end of winter. I felt a shiver run through my spine, and Ted looked at me funny.

“Is it cold in here?”

“For some of us.”

“Here.” Ted shrugged off the heavy bomber jacket he had been wearing and draped it over my shoulders. It was warm on the inside, much warmer than I’d been expecting. It almost fit, but I guess his torso and arms were just slightly larger than mine. I looked back to him to say thank you but instead he was staring at me with this dumb look. He was smiling and his head was tilted slightly, and his face was pink again, but darker this time. I felt my face heat up as we stared at each other.

“We should leave.”

He seemed to snap back to reality. “Right. Yeah no right god it’s- what time?” He flicked his wrist out to move his sleeve in order to see his watch. Of course the pretentious bitch wore a stupid watch. “It’s like 6. I guess it’s eating time.”

I nodded and walked back out towards stage left, Turing off all the lights except for our single ghost light that had to sit center stage. It cast a hazy shadow over everything. I watched Ted walk towards center where the lightbulb stood. He started to reach for his bag but I heard the song change in the AirPod. He made eye contact with me as a slow waltzy song moved through my ear. He extended a hand to me and I tentatively reached for it. His hands felt good in mine. They were soft but worn, I and I could clearly feel the lines that ran through his palms and his fingers.

He took one of my hands in his and his other hand placed itself gently on my waist. “Have you ever waltzed before?” His voice was low and raspy, trying to be as quiet as possible.

I whispered back, “no.” He began to shuffle us around, pulling me left and right and pushing away and pulling me. I felt surrounded by the way he smelled and the way he held me gingerly, like a glass figurine. I stared down at my feet as to not step on him, but he took the hand that was holding mine to gently lift my chin up.

“It’ll be easier if you look up at me. I know you can hear the rhythm.” He began to hum the song as we continued to move. The song began a flourish ending as he threw me out in a twirl, then pulling me back in to his arms. I felt him dip me to the ground as the ending came. I let my self dangle, my head up side down, staring at the ground, then gently lifted my face back upwards. Ted was mere centimeters away from me. I could feel his breathing on my neck.

“Ted. I should-“

“Yeah. No no I know. Yeah.” He lifted me up slowly until I was sure I was flat on the floor. I grabbed my backpack, holding the straps.

“Do you want your jacket-?”

“Keep it. I can get it back tomorrow.”

“Today’s Friday.”

“Right. Monday then.”

I nodded and walked towards the door. I could hear his heavier footsteps behind me, gaining quick due to his longer legs. The door clicked shut behind us, and the cool February air rushed through my skin and hair. I watched Ted take a keychain out from the pocket of his back pack. He looked at me and frowned.

“Did you drive or do you have a ride?”

“Oh yeah. No they’ll uh. They’ll be here in a bit.” I dropped my bag and sat on the curb with it on my lap to try and stay warm. Ted’s jacket was lovely but not lovely enough.

I heard Ted drop his bag and watched as he took a seat next to me. He looked over at me. “What? I’m not gonna leave a pretty girl out alone at 7 at night in the winter. Besides my parents probably think I’m at the game anyways.”

Now that he mentioned it, I could hear the sound of cheering and drum line off in the distance.

Did he call me pretty?

We both waited on the curb for probably another 10 minutes before he started talking again. “There’s no one coming is there?”

“Ted-“

“I never see you leave because you always leave last. After anyone who could possible give you a ride has left. You’re one of those kids.”

“I’m sorry one of those kids?”

“No I didn’t-“ he exhaled and closed his eyes. “You don’t have anyone waiting for you. So you just walk.” We were both quiet for a moment, taking in the cold as it burned your skin. Ted stood up and extended a hand to me. “Get in the car.”

“Im sorry what?”

“Get in my fucking car. I’m not going to leave you to get kidnapped on the way home so you’re coming with me to get food.”

“See now this feels like kidnapping.”

“Oh my GOD get in the car.”

I reluctantly climbed into the passenger seat of his car, looking at the very minimal personalization that had been done: a couple stickers on the back window and a glasses case in the center cup holder. I watched as he reversed out of the parking spot, extending his arm against my seat to better turn around. I did my best not to stare, but I wasn’t sure what else to look at. He stopped before going into drive, asking if I didn’t mind McDonald’s even if there was a long line.

“Sure. It’s not like there’s someone waiting on me.”

He frowned at my response, but nonetheless kept on driving. “Well, there’s also a Dairy Queen, Sherri’s, maybe a Taco Bell-“

“Sherri’s.”

He glanced over at me with a confused look. “Really??”

“Come on, you know sitting in a dirty trashy restaurant at night is the total teenage coming of age moment.”

“Yeah but a Sherri’s? The food isn’t even good enough to justify.”

“You only say that because you haven’t tried those loaded hash browns.” I jokingly placed a hand on his shoulder, but I felt him tense at the contact. I retracted my hand and he sighed, moving to turn on his right blinker.

Ted swiveled his head to check for passing cars, but he grinned at me as we made less than a second of eye contact. I turned my head away towards the window next to me, trying to swallow whatever heat was rising towards my cheeks. I watched us pass cars and headlights as we approached the poorly lit parking lot. I jolted as ted’s plastic bumper lightly scraped the ground. He mumbled something under his breath as he pulled into a spot.

“I hate this stupid lot. Always scratch something coming in.” He unbuckled his seat belt and got out quicker than I expected. I went to unbuckle and get out but as I reached for the door handle, Ted opened it for me from the outside.

“Oh.” I stared at him for a second and he grinned at me.

“I know. Such a gentleman. Now get out of the car before I break your heart.” He winked at me, obviously joking, but I still felt my heart drop out of my chest.

“HA.” I pushed him away from me gently, but my fingers burnt at the touch.

I heard Ted shut the door behind me as I walked into the restaurant. There was really no one inside other than a group of kids tucked away in a booth in a far corner. I watched as the hostess approached me, saying I could sit in any table I wanted. I heard Ted walk in behind me and I turned to look at him, but he was staring at the group of kids in the corner.

He sighed and closed his eyes. “Oh shit-“

“HEY. TED!” One of the kids started yelling at him from the booth. The other boys laughed at him as the maybe two or three other girls giggled. I looked between Ted and the boy, who seemed incredibly belligerent or under some sort of influence. He waved his arms in a wide span over his head, as if telling Ted where he was. “NIVISON! COME SIT OVER HERE! COME ON FUCK THE LOSER! GET OVER HERE.”

Ted looked at me, making a prolonged eye contact, then back to the kid. “No thanks! I’ll see you later.”

He linked arms with me and rushed over to the other side of the restaurant, tucking us into a small booth by the window. He said almost nothing, staring just out at the bushes. A waiter came by, dropping off two thick plastic menus.

“Anything to drink?”

Ted mumbled, but I was sure the waiter wasn’t able to hear. “Water for him please. And how much is a vanilla milkshake?”

“$2.50 for a small.”

“A small vanilla milkshake then. Please.” I smiled gently at him, and the waiter seemed to straighten himself a bit, more self assured than he had been two minutes ago.

“Of course. Right away.”

The waiter walked away and Ted stayed quiet. I slid my hand across the table towards him. “Theodore-“

“I’m not friends with Jake. I mean I was when we were younger.” He was looking me now. Well not exactly me, but my extended hand at least. “He joined the football team and some other sorts and we just stopped hanging out because of time. And he does still wear the lettermen’s jacket but....” he dropped his voice and leaned in, I copied and leaned closer to him. “He got cut from the team because he would show up drunk so now he goes to games just to drink under the bleachers and pick up cheerleaders from the other schools. He tells anyone who asks that he got a brain injury and can’t legally practice but still goes for support.”

“Oh my god.” I blinked, my voice still at a whisper. “That’s terrible.”

Ted nodded eyes wide. He looked over my shoulder, tapped my hand, and then sat up. I sat up too, assuming it was the waiter, but stared at how close his hand was to mine.

“Okayyyyy one ice water and one vanilla milkshake.” I moved my line of vision towards the drink set in front of me. It had the standard glass cup and whipped cream topping, but on top were red and pink heart-shaped sprinkles. I stared at it, and Ted must of noticed it as he took my hand firmly in his, lacing our fingers together on top of the table. The waiter stared at it.

“Hey I think we’re ready to order if you don’t mind.” Ted’s voice was louder than I expected as it took command of our whole corner of the restaurant.

“Uh yeah. What can I get you two?”

“You said you wanted the loaded hash browns, right babe?” He turned to me smiling, but I had no idea what he was thinking.

“Y-Yeah. Those are the ones.”

He gave me a giant goofy smile, and turned back to the waiter. “We’ll have two orders of that please. And an extra straw for this milkshake if you don’t mind?”

“Uh yeah. Coming right up.”

The waiter walked away and Ted sighed, relaxing his grip on my hand but not quite releasing it. “Fucking creep.”

“What?”

He looked back at me, confused. “You didn’t notice he was flirting with you? He put heart shaped sprinkles on your milkshakes.”

“I guess he’s not that good at it then.”

We sat in silence as I drank the thick vanilla shake. Ted cleared his throat and looked towards me. Our hands were still together.

“Well what can we talk about together?”

“I don’t know, theater kid shit?”

“Alright.” He though for a second. “Fine. Movie musicals.”

“Oh. Oh my god I hate the greatest showman.”

“No you don’t!”

“Yes I do! PT Barnum had no excuse to be an asshole and the whole thing is just him being an asshole to his family who somehow accepts him again.”

“I think if you have a shitty life you could have the right to be an asshole, and he wasn’t that bad! He loved his wife, and the music is good!”

“Okay some, some of the songs are good, and the whole kiss with the red head was totally not his fault. But just cause you have a shit home life doesn’t mean you can be an ass. I would think it would make you want to be nicer so other people don’t experience the same treatment, you know?”

Ted pauses, seeming to consider, then nods and moves to take a drink from his water.

We spent the next while talking about random topics: stories, tv shows, movies, books, anything. At some point the waiter came back and set the food down without a word. Ted released his hand from mine to grab his fork, and I stared at the place his fingers had been. My hand felt cold and unfamiliar as I set it closer to my plate. I ate slowly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, but Ted ate quicker than I thought he could.

“You were right these are delicious.”

“I told you, only good thing they have.”

I was probably close to finishing when the waiter came and slapped the receipt on the table. “We close in ten.”

As he walked away Ted chuckled. “It’s Sherri’s. They’re open 24 hours?”

I shook my head, smiling, as I dug around for some cash. I grimaced at the amount I had, realizing I would have barely two dollars left. I looked up, prepared to go broke, but Ted had already gotten up with cash in hand.

I reached out and grabbed on to his t-shirt as he walked towards the register. “Theodore, wait-“

“If I get to be your fake boyfriend I can pay for our fake date.” He smiled and continued walking. I rustled through all the small bills and coins I had. I was still holding them in my hands when he came back and sat down across from me.

“Y/N, i told you-“

“But, tip-“

“I got it. Finish your food.”

We sat in silence for a little longer, and as soon as I was done he stood up, shouldering the backpack I’d brought in with me. He stood next to me, holding out his arm towards me. I giggled as we linked arms and walked to the door. I made eye contact with the creepy waiter and watched as Ted flipped the guy off.

The air was cold as we exited the building. I probably would have shivered again if not for Ted’s jacket still around me. I used my free hand to pull it closed in front of me. We were silent getting into his car, but as he turned his key over to start the engine he looked to me and smiled.

“Thank you for an amazing fake first date.”

I laughed and felt a small heat rise to my cheeks. “You make an excellent fake boyfriend.”

He turned up the music as we pulled out of the parking lot. I could hear him scrape his bumper again, but he didn’t say anything about it this time. “So, how do I take you home?”

“Oh. You don’t have to! I can just take the bus-“

“y/n. It’s late and it’s dark and it’s cold. Please let me take you home.” We were stopped at a red light, and we paused, staring just at each other. Ted’s face was bright red, and I’m sure mine was too. But even when the light turned green, his face was still red, and I’m sure mine still was.

A car behind us held a sustained honk, and Ted jolted out of his stupor and peeled out across the intersection. Of course Ted wasn’t a bad driver. He was a highschool driver, so he drove to look cool half the time. Meaning right now he was driving with one hand at the top of the wheel and the other arm rested against on top of the center console. I made the judgement call to reach over and take his free hand in mine. I did so loosely, allowing him to let go if he wanted to, but if anything he laced his fingers with mine tighter. I looked down at our hands, smiling, then back towards Ted’s face. He was smiling widely, but when he saw me looking he made a stupid attempt of trying to play it off and act like he wasn’t smiling, but I started laughing so he eventually fell into laughter with me. We didn’t talk much on the way to my house other than me giving directions every now and then. He didn’t let go of my hand the whole time, except when he had to put the car in park.

I stared out his window towards the front of my dark building. I knew no one was home, and it was probably pretty cold inside since I usually forget to turn on the heater before leaving for school.

“I guess this is me.” He watched me throw my bag over my shoulder as I stepped out of the car. “Thank you Theodore. For everything.”

“Ted.”

“What?”

“You can call me Ted.”

I smiled at him. “Right. Thank you. Ted.”

I shut his car door and walked up my sidewalk, but I turned when I heard another car door shutting behind me.

“y/n, wait.” Ted was walking towards me, hands shoved in his pockets as the giant man toward over me. “I, uh, I really enjoyed being your fake boyfriend tonight.”

“I enjoyed it too-“

“And I enjoyed sweeping the stage with you. And holding your hand. And dancing with you. And driving you home. And arguing over food. And laughing. And sharing music. And pretty much everything. And I don’t want it to be because I’m your fake boyfriend you happened to be on a fake date with because we happened to be in the same place at the same time.” He sucked in a breath as he took my hand gently. He stared at our fingers and palms pressed together. “I want to do all that stuff because I’m your real boyfriend. I want to dance with you and take you on dates to shitty diners and act all jealous because it’s real.”

I could feel my face burning. “You were jealous?”

He laughed a little bit. “Oh my God, yes, I was jealous, he was flirting!!” I laughed, gripping his hand a little harder, then pulling it downwards. “Ouch! What the-“

I placed a kiss on his cheek, and I watched him short circuit as his whole face turned red. “Theodore, I would like to let you know, I am free tomorrow night for a date if that’s what your asking.”

“OH. Okay! Yeah is 7 okay?”

“7 is perfect.”

“Yes! Yes yes!” He pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. “Oh my god! Okay. Tomorrow, 7!”

I laughed, still trapped in his arms. “I expect dancing.”

“Oh absolutely.” He pushed me back a bit, smiling as he stared at me. “I have to go home. I have to get ready!”

“For a date in 24 hours?”

“Yes! I have plans to make!” He kissed me on the forehead again and ran back to the car. Hand on the handle, he looked back at me, smiling. “I can’t wait.”

#ted nivision #ted nivison x reader #ted nivison

153 notes · View notes

behindyourbarrette · 3 years ago

Text

temporarily, indefinitely, forever - chapter five

series masterlist

spencer reid x reader

cw: food, mention of a knife probably, arguing/swearing

a/n: i am so sorry that this is the update we come back to as it is Angsty BUT i hope you enjoy the plot development anyways lol. IM SORRY IN ADVANCE ITS ANGST but have no fear hopefully six up soon

November is...mediocre.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of anticipation with autumn. You adore the chill and gloom, but when you’ve been looking forward to it for months, it always falls flat. Maybe you’d like November more if it weren’t preceded by October and followed by December; it feels like the middle child, overshadowed by the glitz and glamour of its siblings. You’re caught between feeling like you miss what’s passed and fearing the future.

If anything, November feels like a steady build. A crescendo of everything you’ve created, of every feeling you’ve tucked away. When you look back on it later, you’ll recall the feeling that you were on the edge of two extremes. Everything and nothing were both in reach.

“I heard that you got the kid a fish. Great pick.” Derek claps you on the shoulder, spinning in his desk chair. You shrug the compliment off, quick to speed away, but something about his expression makes you want to linger.

“Yep. I like to think I know him,” You call, and the smile on your face burns as you walk away.

You can’t be angry with him. You should have known this would happen; you’ve always been tender-hearted. The universe must find this funny; you’ve hurt yourself by your own hand. Instead of being angry, you decide to let go. If this is the only way you can have him��stilted, half-pretend moments between stretches of longing—so be it. Maybe it’ll be enough.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?” Spencer pokes his head into your office; by the look on his face, it’s obvious that he feels like he’s interrupting. A smile on your face, you nod. Twenty minutes later, you’re contentedly sipping at a latte and letting the wind blow your hair out of your face. While you don’t spot anyone roasting chestnuts, the scene is relatively idyllic. Spencer sips at his coffee, and you decide to cause a little chaos.

“Maybe we should have gotten fake engaged.” Spencer spits out his drink, and you laugh way too loudly for someone watching their boyfriend sputter and nearly choke on hot coffee. Luckily, nobody’s really paying attention. While you’re still close to Quantico, you’ve been introduced to the outdoor pavilion of Spencer’s favorite coffee shop. Each time he brings you somewhere, you struggle to place the feeling of pride you get, at having learned something new. After patting him on the back a few times, he looks at you like you’re out of your mind.

“Why would we do that?”

“I don’t know, people keep acting like we will eventually. Plus, a broken off engagement is so….” you open your arms, closing your eyes as you gesture to emphasize the impact of what you’re saying “dramatic. They wouldn’t expect me to date again, like, ever. My heart just wouldn’t go on. I’d be a spinster.” You pantomime a knife to the heart, and he smiles crookedly.

“Do you really want that, with someone? A ring?” When he sees that you aren’t correcting him, he presses on. “Let me guess. A huge farm wedding, jewel tones, a princess cut?” He’s teasing you, now, but he’s at least a little right. You swat at his shoulder and shrug, something warm building in your chest.

“I don’t know. I mean, regardless of how archaic and arbitrary it is, there’s a part of me that would love to wear the pretty dress and have everyone look at me.” He nods sagely, as if he understands. “It’s a big fuck you to everyone who ever made me feel unwanted. Like, look. Somebody loves me.” You go quiet, and decide to make a hard left away from vulnerability. “But I’m not sure. I think if I were to get married for any reason,” you waggle your eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood, “I’d do it a million ways. At the courthouse. On the beach. In the mountains. It wouldn’t really matter where or how, you know? That’s not the focal point.”

He is looking at you differently now, and you decide it is time to crack a joke before you both say something you regret. You do a lot of this lately.

“Plus, I’d get a shiny ring.”

You lift your left hand, and the tension in his expression is gone, much to your relief.

“Diamonds don’t shine, actually. The carbon makes them...what’s the word. Sparkle.” You laugh, and the conversation finally settles. You go back to stealing glances at each other and warming your hands against each other’s coffee cups, seeing which one cools off more quickly.

Thanksgiving, Late Morning

He turns up to your apartment on a random Thursday, and you’re barely awake. Over a cup of coffee, you watch your door knob rattle in mild panic until you hear his voice. It’s almost unfamiliar to see him use his key, and you half-startle when he emerges in the doorway, carrying a huge turkey.

“Holy shit.” You laugh, covering your mouth with your hand.

“Help me get it to the counter, please, it’s fourteen pounds and the elevator is broken so I had to take the stairs.” He grimaces, and you rush over, laughing. Gagging, you rinse the juice off your hands once the bird is safely deposited onto your kitchen counter. Spencer looks a little out of his element—he’s wearing a t-shirt with a football team you’ve never heard of on it, and carrying two full bags of groceries. You’ve never been happier to see him.

“What happened to you?”

He flushes pink, and shrugs. You begin to put away groceries in an attempt to avoid staring at his exposed arms. The fact that you derive an inexplicable amount of joy from seeing his forearms is too embarrassing to focus on, so you decide to busy yourself with your half-empty fridge.

“Rossi. Told me I needed to get into the holiday spirit. I’m just glad he didn’t make me stick around for the big game.”

“Is it really Thanksgiving?” You ask, incredulous. Last you checked, December was still a hope, not a reality.

“Yeah. Why did you think we had the day off?”

“Shits and giggles, obviously. I’m kidding. I just didn’t think I’d be doing anything. Why aren’t you with the team?” He seems genuinely caught off guard. In an attempt to stall, he begins to loudly chop celery. You shoot him a glare and he caves, smiling softly.

“I don’t know. I just thought it was something we could do together.” That’s as good a reason as any. You shrug and swipe a piece of celery from the cutting board, relishing in the exasperated look on his face. The morning passes quickly, the smell of bay leaves and Bell seasoning wafting through the house. By the time Spencer’s prepared a few sides and the turkey leaves the oven, you’re both starving and exhausted.

“How are you, really? I’ve noticed.” He says, as you brush herb butter over top of dinner rolls. You keep your eyes on the plate, shrugging.

“I’m alright. The holidays are always a toss-up.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re never really what they were when I was younger. But I think I’ve learned to stop expecting that. It’s nice, adulthood. Just different. I have you, " you say, and you're quick to elaborate. "And the team. It’s just different.”

He inches closer to you, elbow brushing yours as he slices into a sweet potato. You don’t miss his closeness, the way he tries to soothe you with simple proximity. You certainly don’t miss the fact that it works.

“That’s a good way to put it.” The table should feel small, intimate, but it doesn’t. It’s normal, casual. Spencer jokes about your mutual disinterest in football and tells you about the history of green bean casserole and you make a sizable dent in the meal you prepared. There’ll be plenty of leftovers, which is perfect for slightly forgetful young adults who are never home to make dinner.

“Did you find the wishbone?”

“No, why?” He looks genuinely curious, so you give him the benefit of the doubt.

“It’s like a game. Whoever finds it first gets the wish.” You prop your face on your hands, watching as he peers at the turkey dish.

“Oh. Uh, it’s right here. Do you want it?” You purse your lips into a tight smile, shaking your head. “You can have it.” You only really want him to wish for one thing, and it’s selfish. He considers the bone, blanched and curved, for a moment before he nods.

“Okay. I made my wish.”

Later, you have a massive amount of dishes to do. Spencer disappears into the living room for a moment, and you don bright yellow gloves and really get down to business. There’s music playing from a Bluetooth speaker on the shelf, and you’ve taken to doing a half-shuffle while you scrub at pots and pans. You don’t remember how you notice that he’s back, only that he catches you in the middle of a pirouette.

Spencer’s in the doorway to the kitchen, and he’s staring at you.

You flush a little, embarrassed. There is nothing special to look at; you’re wearing a cashmere sweater that you’ve had since college, and there’s probably food in your hair. Still, he seems frozen in time, like he is seeing you for the first time.

“I’ve never seen your hair like that.”

He doesn’t blush; he is simply stating a fact, regardless of how loaded it feels. You find it within yourself to shrug, cheeks burning. It is a miracle, how he finds something special in the way you pinned it back, purely to keep it out of your face.

“Really?” You croak, but the tail end of the word is lost as he takes a step forward. You are just looking at each other, and you attempt to resume the task of scrubbing at the gravy boat to give yourself something to do. Anything to do. You are incredibly unsuccessful, though, because after you look up you meet Spencer’s eye. A stroke of dumb luck, but before you react he’s closed the gap between you and is hugging you more tightly than you’ve ever been hugged.

You only register the feeling for a moment, the spark of heat against your chest. Like a candle flickering in the wind. It’s almost negligible, almost forgettable. The only complication is how familiar it is, how often you’ve felt the swell of emotion that threatens to spill out of you now, as he holds you. You aren’t afraid that you won’t be able to conceal it; you’ve gotten this far. You’re afraid that if you hide it for long enough, you’ll lose hold of it.

It’s your worst fear that it will never feel like this again, that you dreamed this whole thing up and when you wake up in January you won’t be able to conjure it again. What if your memory of it fades? Maybe with someone else you’d get close, but it won’t ever be quite like this. You aren’t sure of much as you listen to his heart beat quickly against the shell of your ear, like it has nowhere to be except right here, but you’re sure that it will never quite be like this.

You pull away, and the second you meet his eye you know it’s over. The other shoe drops. The moment passes like the closing of a book, like you were both thinking the same thing, and before you can get the word ‘yes’ past your lips he’s moved to cup your face in his hands. You cross your arms around his neck, and before either of you can think too hard about it, you meet each other in the middle. It’s the first time you’ve been hugged first and kissed second.

Before, you wondered how different it would be. A purely scientific thought—behind closed doors, what would change? With nobody there to see, how would it feel to kiss him?

It’s not what you expected. While it’s not your first-ever kiss, it’s the first kiss you’ve really let yourself feel—the press of his hands against the small of your back, his skin against yours, the cool counter against your side.

Nothing changes at all.

He presses a chaste kiss to your cheek before moving to your jaw, breath hot and flush against your skin. He’s backed you into a corner, the counter hard against your back, the gravy boat long since abandoned in the sink. It’s incredibly difficult to form coherent thoughts; you let your head fall back as he peppers your neck with hot kisses, sending shivers down your spine. You ball your hands in the collar of his shirt and pull him to you, and he follows. You hear the clink of glass against ceramic as he presses you into the counter, hungry and wanton. As you wind your hands into his hair, trying to memorize the feeling of a curl wrapped around your finger, you wonder how you let yourself miss out for this long.

He pulls away for air after a moment, pupils half-blown and breathless. A sheepish smile settles onto your face as his gaze travels to your neck. When you lean back in, hands poised to hold him, he hesitates.

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” Ice courses through your veins as he begins to pace around the kitchen, ruffling his hair. He pauses to look at you again, bright red as he rubs at his own neck. Like the place where he’s marked you will appear, a mirror image, on him.

“We’re just making this difficult for ourselves, if we do this.”

“What the fuck, Spencer? What did I do?” You hate the way your voice is wavering, how helpless you sound. Your grip tightens on the counter.

“You can’t look at me like that and expect me not to—” he pauses, grimacing. “Please don’t look at me like that.”

“I can’t look at the man I—” You catch yourself before the last word slips out, biting back disaster. “Can’t I just look at you? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t—we can’t—I wasn’t thinking.”

This breaks your heart in two neat pieces. You want to hand him one—it’s his to keep, anyways.

“Okay.” You say, slow and measured. He seems more panicked now that you’ve agreed, face reddening as he adjusts the collar of his shirt. Your hands were there just a few minutes ago.

“Okay.”

“We can’t. Not while we’re alone.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You can feel anger begin to bubble up from somewhere dormant, a tight smile on your face. “That’s the deal, isn’t it?”

He lingers, eyes wide and still panting. Your eyes trail from his hands, clenched into fists, to the door.

“You should go.”

taglist <3

@sadsonglistener @idonotexiste @reidsacademia @everyonesfavoritepipecleaner @rebeccasoutlook @reidmyspencer @i-love-spencer @stardustspence @jenny885108-blog @deakyjoe @lovesdarkness @theteapotmoth @wifeyprentiss @rexorangecouny @kuolonsyoja @drayshadow @measure-in-pain @allybatch @reidonfilm @luredwithpretzels @thatsonezesty13 @ceridwen-02 @the-chaotic-cow @thedancingnerdmermaid @just-another-persona123 @aanubisbackwards @forever-not-gonna-sink @whentheskiesareblue @spencersjello @averyhotchner @happymangospot

#spencer reid #rory writes #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds self insert #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid series #spencer reid angst #dr spencer reid imagines #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid self insert #dr spencer reid fanfic #dr spencer reid x you #dr spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader

74 notes · View notes