#im so tired of figuring out my hard drives
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why does being an artist so often mean accumulating stuff 🙃
#rei rambles#i wanna keep a record of everything ive created but there's SO MUCH STUFF#and this is just the DIGITAL stuff omg#i find myself wanting to keep the dumb videos i made in my gr11 commtech class cuz it's part of my repertoire#but also like. it takes up space man. T.T#and this is on me but it's hell to organize#i have canvases im not even sure im ever actually gonna paint on since my bfa ended............#it's so frustrating. im proud to be creating but i end up having so much shit.#even artists who use nature to make stuff and then let their pieces deteriorate need to keep documentation photos#sometimes i feel like being an artist is just leaving a trail of crap behind me as i walk forward in life#u just see the pages of fanart doodles on the backs of notes and discarded dollarama canvases and ur like 'ah rei's been here'#the flip side to having something that says 'ive been here and i made this' is the inevitable trail of proof that youve visited#im so tired of figuring out my hard drives#i have 4gb worth of files i need to wade through in order to find stuff i can maybe put in a portfolio#how do archivists do it. someone tell me their secrets.
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i think i need to eat a fucking bullet
#was sad and my boy assumed it was because he didnt want to fuck me#now. to be fair. its something i get insecure about and i was coming on to him. but it kind of hurt that he saw me upset and jumped to#not only it being about that but also that i was angry at him for it. and he got defensive and seemed so pissed at me#and saying 'its not *my* fault im just tired'#which is true but like. dude. i know. its nice but idc if we fuck.#it just really hurt my feelings he assumed that.#and i just got kinda quiet so he asked what was wrong and i#was struggling to talk about it because it takes me forever to process my feelings on things#and i said i had to go to the bathroom so i could go have a think#but he stopped me and said 'please talk to me' so i was like okay. i gotta say something#and i started and stopped a couple times trying to figure it out and he just said 'nevermind' and went to sleep.#he sounded so fucking disgusted with me.#and i started bawling and said sorry and weny to the bathroom.#and he just stayed in bed#hes asleep now.#im shut in the bathroom trying so hard to calm down but i cant stop sobbing and i feel like im going to throw up#i get that hes tired#but id been saying we should go to bed for hours and he wanted to stay up and watch a movie#and no matter how tired he is acting like that isnt fucking okay#im so angry and hurt and sad and scared and i dont know what to do#and hes fucking sleeping#i literally dont know what to do i cant sleep by him but im too upset to be safe going anywhere else i will crash my fucking car if i try to#drive somewhere. and i dont have anybody else. i dont have anyone except him#i dont have anyone except him to turn to#and he saw that i was hurt and got mad at me then went to sleep
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hii congrats on 5k!! i love your writing ! if you’re still celebrating could i request a carmy blurb where maybe you’re syd’s besite and carmy has this biggggest crush on you (im talking this mf is Yearning) and she gets on him sooo hard about it like teasing him and reader and him end up together ? TIA <3
Not So Secret.
carmen berzatto x female reader
warnings - cursing.
written for my 5k celebration- post here, masterlist here, inbox here.
“You’re gonna stare a hole through her fuckin’ head.”
“Shut up.”
Richie laughs, following Carmens eyeline to where it’s fixed on you.
You’re stood in the restaurant with Sydney, both of you giggling at something she’s showing you on her phone. When you look up, you smile at Carmy, all soft and sweet and like butter wouldn’t melt. He almost melts, a puddle of yearning on the kitchen floor.
Sugar appears next to the two of you, holding out a piece of paper.
“This is a really rough draft of what we kind of want them to look like. Obviously you have full control, but this is kind of the vibe?”
When Carmen mentioned wanting a more personal touch on the menus, Sydney quickly offered your services. You’re the most artistic person she knows, gifted with naturally gorgeous handwriting that almost looks like calligraphy. Plus, she knows how much everyone at The Bear likes you, having been a part of their transformation. It’s a win - win.
“Yeah, I get you. So you want the title words like Dessert in more of a cursive, and then the actual dishes and descriptions in a typeface?”
“Yes! Do your thing. We trust you.”
She gives you a side hug, careful not to hit you with her bump.
“I’m gonna need some nice paper, and probably a new calligraphy pen so I can start from scratch. I’m gonna head to the craft store, and I’ll be back.”
“Carmy will go with you!”
Richie shouts it from the doorway, where he’s been not so subtly watching the conversation. Carmy blushes, clearly caught off guard.
“He needs to go to the craft store too, right Cousin? Good. Go. Bye!”
Carmy’s practically being pushed out the door, uncomfortable and flustered. You smile reassuringly, grabbing your bag and walking over to your car.
“You’re okay with me driving?”
“Course. Shouldn’t I be?”
You laugh, and he can’t help but grin, the sound settling nicely into his ribcage to warm him up.
“I’m a good driver, I promise. Despite what Sydney might say.”
He looks worried but gets in anyway, ever trusting you and anything you do.
He can’t help but sneak glances at you as you drive. You’re completely focused on the road in front, bottom lip pulled between your teeth as you concentrate. Carmy feels heat bloom across his chest at the action, wishing he could reach out and release it for you before you draw blood.
A text chimes through the air, startling you both. You press the button on your steering wheel so your car can read the message out loud.
From Sydney: Carmy. Tell her immediately or I’ll lock you in the walk in freezer. Sick of you acting like a lovesick puppy. This is your chance. Don’t blow it, asshole. We’re all tired.
Both of you freeze, your hands tightening on the wheel. Carmy wants to throw himself out of the moving car, but decides against it at the last minute.
You pull the car into the craft store parking lot, choosing a space and yanking the handbrake on. You turn to him, looking at him for the first time since the bombshell.
He’s blushed all over, chest heaving and bottom lip pulled between his teeth. You almost want to reach out and release it for him, before he draws blood.
“Carmy.”
“I think, uh, yeah, I just - that was clearly sent to the wrong person. Not meant for you.”
You laugh, suddenly, and it spooks Carmy so much that he jumps out of his skin.
“Yeah, Carm. That I figured.”
He laughs with you then, unsure and nervous. You reach out and place a hand on his knee, trying to calm him down. It just makes his heart lurch.
“What’s Syd talking about? Tell me what?”
He looks down at his lap, hands knotted together.
“I think you know.”
“Wanna hear you say it,” you whisper.
He finds the courage to meet your gaze, taking a deep breath.
“I like you. So much. I can’t stop talking about you to anyone and everyone that’ll listen - to the point that everyone at The Bear gives me so much shit for it. Sydney won’t get off my back, either. She says I’m ‘yearning’.”
You chuckle, rubbing patterns into the material of his jeans with your thumb.
“They’ve all made bets,” he continues, “about if I’ll ever tell you or not.”
“Who bet on you? And who against?”
“Syd and Richie against me. Marcus too. Tina and Sugar are on my side. Not sure why.”
“Wanna make Tina and Sugar some money?”
He quirks a brow questioningly, eyes going wide when you lean over the centre console and plant your hands on either side of his face. You’re so close to him that your breaths tangle together, one set of lungs working overtime.
“Kiss me, Carm.”
He doesn’t think twice, closing the gap and pressing his lips to yours. You tangle your fingers in his hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer. His hands find your back, tugging you into him as much as the limited space allows.
You whine when he bites at your lip gently, and he has to pull away to take a steadying breath before he passes out.
“You should get your eyes checked.”
He tries to process for a moment.
“Huh?”
“You must be blind if you can’t see how much I like you, Carm. How much I’ve always liked you.”
He grins at you, bright and white, and you shake your head before leaning in to kiss him again.
When you don’t make it back into the restaurant that day, everyone has never been happier to not see the both you.
#murphy’s 5k celebration#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto fic#carmen berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x y/n#carmen berzatto fluff#carmen berzatto x reader smut#carmen berzatto smut#carmen berzatto x reader fluff#carmy berzatto x reader smut#carmy berzatto fluff#carmy berzatto imagine#carmy berzatto smut#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader fluff#carmy berzatto x you#the bear fluff#the bear smut#the bear x y/n#the bear x reader#the bear x you
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OMG HANDMKFUXHAB
reader running away makes me so happy 🥺🥺 if you plan on making a part 4 for the creepy trucker series im on the edge of my seat!!!!
I'm so happy so many people enjoyed the cliffhanger with her running away!! I hope part 4 doesn't disappoint🩷
Trucker!König x Stranded!Reader Part 4 (fem)
MDNI🔞
Part1, Part2, Part3, Part5
Master List✍🏽
Tags: @nachofriess, @blue-spices, @teddy2510, @soosouyoung, @vivasab0tage
🚫As usual this story has HEAVY triggers! Please do not read if you cannot handle them! Ily all and I hope you take care of your body and mind🩷🚫
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>cw: fem/afab, non-con, p in v, being chased, pregnancy, Stockholm syndrome
3.2k word count
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As you run you can hear the booming of footsteps, quickly in your mind you’re trying to figure out where you will go; you can’t just keep running, he will outrun you. You see a woman getting into a car with a man so you run to her, yelling in your native language, “Help me! Please!”
The woman looks at you scared and locks the car doors, hitting the guy to start driving. He does and quickly tries to get away from you and whatever danger you, a foreigner, is causing. Your heart sinks and you begin to cry loudly, clearly very distressed. You don’t stop running.
Across the road you can see a row of small businesses. Without thinking you just run across the road. You hear a car horn and tires screeching.
“MAUS!” König shouts as he sees you almost get hit by a car. He sees the car stopping just before it hits you. He freezes for a second as you do in front of the car. Then you look over at him and keep running. König pursues.
You continue to run, more cars having to stop, honking at you for dashing in front of them. König is right behind you also causing traffic to stop as he runs in front of cars. You make it to the other side.
Running into one of the stores, you run up to a man shopping and begin to ask him to call the cops. The man looks at you confused and backs away. Running pass, him, you go to the woman working behind the register.
“Please help me. There is a man that kidnapped me and is chasing me! Please!” She looks at you with the same look before telling you to go.
“No, no, I need help! Please!”
“Get out!” she shouts at you; she assumes you caused trouble for yourself and wants nothing to do with it.
Then König comes into the store, his eyes looking over the place and you run and hide; ducking behind the shelves in an aisle. You can hear your heart beating in your ears, your breathing shaking as you try to sneak out of the store past König.
König walks up to a man and in German begins to describe you, asking if he saw you.
“My crazy wife is manic and ran out of the car, she isn’t taking her medicine, please I’m trying to help her.” König lied very convincingly to the man. He nodded and pointed to the other side of the store where he saw you run.
You hear his footsteps as you try to guess which way they’re about to go. You take your chance and make a run for it. König’s head snaps and begins to run after you. The lady behind the counter yelling at you and König to take this somewhere else.
Just as you’re about to escape through the door, the man in the shop grabs you. You begin to fight the man, “Let me go!”
“Bitte sei ruhig.” The man says thinking that you’re a mentally ill person.
Then you hear König’s voice, thanking the man for his help. His massive hands grasp your arms tightly and pull you to him. He wraps your arms in an x across your chest and wraps his arms tightly around them, lifting you.
You kick back, trying to hit König and shake your body trying to break free, but nothing works. König thanks the man again and begins to walk you out of the store. You’re crying as he does, making sure to quickly cross the road again.
“You fucked up Maus, you really did.”
“Please just let me go!” You sob still trying to break free but twisting your body.
König squeezes you so hard the air leaves your lungs, “Stop!”
You give up and just sob, “Please, let me go!”
“You’re mine, you have to realize that.”
You sob as he walks back to the truck. A small group of people standing outside and watching this happen. König looks at them, feeling panic but trying to appear as a worried husband. He loudly apologizes to the crowd for your behavior and tells the same lie about you being manic.
One older woman in the crowd didn’t believe König, something in her gut telling her that you’re in trouble and that he is lying. She feels helpless watching this scene play out in front of her. She seems to be the odd man out so she is scared to say something. She just watches with sadness in her eyes.
Once back inside the truck, König slams you down hard on the bed and slaps you. “You stupid bitch! You could have gotten hurt! Gotten me caught! Selfish!”
König grabs your handcuffs and restrains you again. This time also grabbing a rope and tying your ankles. You try to kick him as he reaches for them, but he is stronger than you as he grasps them firmly. He ties them so tightly that it hurts. He grabs an old t-shirt laying on the floor and stuffs it into your mouth so he doesn’t have to hear your screaming anymore.
“I was being nice to you, and you fucked it up.” He grows at you as he quickly gets into the drivers’ seat and begins to drive off.
The woman watches the semi take off as she gets on the bus with her group. A heavy guilty feeling in her stomach because she didn’t do anything. She sits next to her friend on the bus, 40 minutes pass as she sits in silence.
“What is wrong?” Her friend asks.
“I-I feel as if that man was lying. That woman looked terrified.”
Her friend nods her head, “She did.” They both take a deep breath before she speaks again, “Maybe you should report it?”
“I think I will.” She takes out her cell phone and calls the emergency hotline. She describes you and König, giving details about the odd situation that unfolded before you all today. She tells them the address and describes the semi the best she can, but she never got his license plate. The man on the line thanks her and they get off the phone.
Because of the adrenalin that flooded through your body, you ended up crashing hard and falling asleep after an hour. König was relieved, but now paranoid that someone might have called for help. Every few minutes he looks over his shoulder to check if he’s being trailed by a cop. This whole situation made him realize you’re safer at home where you can use the bathroom and eat inside the house instead of interacting with the outside world. You’ve lost those privileges.
Hours pass since the incident; you don’t know exactly how much time though. You open your eyes to very bright sunlight flooding your vision. You try to move your hand in front of your eyes to block the light, but you’re still cuffed. This time though you realize your legs and arms are handcuffed spread apart. You’re on a bed in some house. You lean your head forward and look around. You see a wooden desk, wooden dresser, and a dark blue recliner. Next to the recliner is a tripod and a ring light.
Trying to pull yourself free you realize that you’re completely naked. You begin to shake and pull, letting out an aggravated groan once you can’t pull your limbs free. Heavy footsteps travel down the hall, approaching the door to the room you’re in.
König opens the door and walks forward towards you. He stops near the side of your bed and caresses your stubbly legs. “Finally awake.”
You look at him with fear in your eyes, “Where are we?”
“My house, our house.” He sits beside you on the bed. “Why did you run? I was so nice to you.”
“I- I,” you can’t even think of a way to answer without angering him and making things worse. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” König tilts his head to the side and looks at you with a blank stare.
“Yes.”
“No, you aren’t Maus. You’re just scared. But don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. You’ve just lost your privileges. You’re safe. Don’t worry.”
While he is trying to be comforting, he isn’t. He’s the one keeping you captive. He’s the one hurting you and taking you away from a happy life. You keep your eyes on him and then look back towards the bright light from the windows. You realize the window is open and there’s a light breeze coming in.
“Don’t bother screaming Maus, I live in the country. Just you and me for miles.”
You don’t look back at him, just let those words sink in and look out of the window.
“Welcome home, I’ll show you around soon. It’s a nice place to raise a family.”
Your head snaps in his direction, “A family?”
“Ja, Maus. A family. You’ll make me beautiful babies. Plus men will pay extra for your pregnant body.”
König rubs his hand along your abdomen and smirks.
Meanwhile, police have made their way to the truck stop you were seen at. They talk to the woman that was working the cash register that day.
“They came in, both went to the bathroom, and then next thing I knew she was running and he chased after her. When they came in they looked like maybe boyfriend and girlfriend? They were close.”
“Okay, are there any surveillance cameras I can look at?”
“I’ll have to get my boss.”
“You do that.” The cop puts away his notepad and looks around the store before the boss walks out.
“Right this way, officers.”
You don’t even know how much time has passed and there has been no sign of help. You remain inside of König’s home. Your stomach is growing, swollen with his child. An old medic friend from his military days comes to the house to check on you and the baby, König tries his best to take good care of you.
It’s a warm day and you stand outside in a green summer dress, 6 months pregnant. You’re kneeling in the flower bed and pulling weeds. You stand and begin to walk to the water hose, and then your chain pulls.
König has a metal shackle around your ankle, bolted to the house so you can’t run off. He hears the chain pull as he is behind the house trimming back bushes.
“Need something, Liebling?” He walks over to you wearing jeans and a black shirt, both covered in small green specks from the bush leaves.
“The hose,” You point only a few feet away from you.
He walks over and grabs it for you, “Don’t stress yourself out, you still have to film today.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
König leans in and puckers his thin lips waiting for you to kiss him. You tiptoe to meet him the rest of the way and kiss his lips. He smiles at you before slapping your ass and walking back to what he was doing.
You water the garden, feeling your baby move within you. Resting a hand on your stomach, you begin to caress your belly. You let out a deep sigh and look around, trying to imagine giving birth to your baby here and raising your child here. König as a father…how will that work? Will I eventually fall in love?
“Liebling, are you okay?” König walks up behind you, wrapping one arm around you resting on your stomach as the other takes the water hose from you. “You’re drowning the flowers.” His voice has a light chuckle.
“Oh, sorry. I was thinking about giving birth. Being a mom. I’m scared.”
König drops the hose and wraps his arms around you.
“Don’t be scared. I knew from the moment I saw you that you’d make an amazing mom. Don’t stress you and our baby out, okay? I’ll run to the city tomorrow and get you whatever you’re craving.”
You nod your head, “Thank you König.”
“Of course, now let’s go film, ja?”
Filming was your least favorite thing to do, but it’s how König makes enough money to stay home with you, so you do it. He takes out a key and unlocks the cuff on your ankle. His arm goes around your body tightly so you can’t run away if you try.
Walking back inside, he brings you into the bedroom. “Shouldn’t I shower first?”
“Nein, the sweaty look is hot.” He kisses your forehead.
You sit on the bed as he sets everything up, placing the cameras where they need to be and making sure the lighting in the room is good. Once done he strips down to nothing, his cock soft but still 6 inches. He begins to record on all cameras and walks up to you on the bed.
He gets behind you and begins to massage your swollen breasts. You’ve already started to fill up in preparation for the baby, growing two bra sizes. König does everything he can to stimulate more lactation. He begins to squeeze your breast, forming a small wet patch on your dress. You look away embarrassed, he laughs. He squeezes more, letting the wet patches continue to grow, his erect cock rubbing against your back now.
“Let’s take this dress off Liebling.” He whispers as he helps you stand.
Once standing he slowly takes off your dress, his hand gliding over your pregnant belly. His lips kiss your neck tenderly as he makes his way down to your breast. Squeezing, he squirts a small amount of milk on his face before wrapping his mouth around your breast and suckling, drinking in any milk he can squeeze out of you. You let out soft moans as he licks your nipple before sucking again.
“Your milk is so sweet.” He growls as he seats up on the bed.
Again, he goes behind you and begins to squeeze your breasts for the cameras. Make sure to get good squirts of your milk, rubbing some of the milk all over your breast to make them shine. His head resting on your shoulder watching as he does this. Turning his head he begins to kiss the side of your face and you turn your head to meet his mouth and kiss him back.
He lets out a soft moan as he gently cups your breasts in his large hands. His tongue pushing into your mouth and twirling around, mixing your spit with his. Pulling away from the kiss a line of spit follows.
“Lay back Maus.”
You do as he says and lay back flat on the bed. He comes up and caresses your large stomach, leaving a trail of kisses up to your lips again as he positions himself between your legs. He reaches over and grabs one of the cameras and holds it angles at your pussy. He slaps his heavy cock over your tiny clit, causing you to mewl and move your hips. Disgusted with yourself because you actually want his cock.
“Beg for it.”
“Please fuck me.”
“Be more specific, Liebling.” He slaps your clit with his cock again.
“Please give me your cock. Please.”
“Good girl, that’s what I like to hear.” He begins to slip his cock into you.
You moan out and grasp the bed sheets as you feel his cock push in all the way. His hand pulls one of your legs back, making sure to leave room for your big belly. He holds the camera up to your face and you make sure to act as if you don’t want to be recorded; he said the men like it more when I act like I hate it.
“Moan for me.” He taps your face.
You let out a tiny soft moan while suppressing the enjoyment that you’re feeling. He puts the camera down to rest his hands on your belly as he begins to buck his hips more rapidly into you. It hurts so you genuinely moan in pain and try to scoot back.
“Don’t run for it.” He grabs your hips and pulls you towards him.
“It hurts!” you moan out as you squirm.
König lets go of your hips and leans forward, holding your shoulders, and he begins to fuck you so hard you begin to scream.
“Ja! Scream for me! Hure!” He lightly slaps you but you act like it was worse.
Recording takes hours to complete. König helped you get all cleaned up after and chained you to the bed again, the chain is long enough for you to walk around the room, but bolted to where you can’t get to the door or window.
“I’m going into the city to get you food and treats, what are you craving?”
You shrug and think for a few seconds, “Maybe something cakey? Also, just some stuff to make brownies or cakes to have around the house.”
“I can do that.” He leans down and kisses you gently.
“I love you both, I’ll be back.” He caresses your stomach.
“We love you too…” you watch him leave the house.
Once you hear the car door close you rush to the drawers trying to look for something that you can use to break free from the shackles. As usual, there was nothing. You sit on the bed and cry, hugging your stomach.
“I’m sorry baby, I don’t know what to do.” You whisper to your stomach. You feel torn between wanting to run towards freedom and wanting to stay here with König. A weird part of you beginning to feel for him, but also wanting your old life back. You can’t even recognize yourself anymore.
In the city König goes into a local grocery store. He collects everything you asked for plus just thing for the house. He finds a baby onesie that says “I love Daddy.” König holds the tiny little piece of clothing in his hands, smiling thinking about holding his baby in his arms. He adds the onesie to the cart.
He walks up to the front of the store and begins to bag his items as the older woman working the register scans his items. He looks around the store as he waits for his payment to process and he sees a board of posters.
“Here’s your receipt.”
König’s attention turns back to the nice woman. He smiles and grabs the piece of paper from her, grabbing all of his bags and walking to the poster board.
In big red words he reads the words MISSING. König stays there and reads the details. His heart sinks.
Young woman, your skin tone, hair color, body build. His semi-truck color, build, hair color. The fact you’re foreign and what language you speak is even listed. He can feel his cheeks turn red as he begins to sweat. He reaches up and rips the sign off the board and turns to leave the store.
He sits in his SUV and looks at the poster. He wonders how many there are and how much information the cops actually know.
“FUCK!” He yells in his SUV and he runs his hands down his face. He takes a deep breath before pulling out of the parking spot and beginning to speed home to you.
#tw: noncon#please read the warnings#konig#konig x reader#konig x y/n#könig#konig cod#könig x reader#konig smut#könig smut#könig cod#könig mw2#könig x reader smut#smut#cod smut#konig x reader smut#konig x you#könig x you#trucker!könig#trucker!konig#cod konig#könig call of duty
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Hihi!!! I was just wondering if you could do just little cute scenarios with sae, yoichi, and rin (gn! reader + all individual)
im sorry if this isn't as detailed as you wish but I'm just really craving tooth rotting fluff+ take your time (≧▽≦)
Sypnosis: In the busy hustle and bustle of life, it's sometimes hard to find time to spend together. When there's time, what are the hobbies/little things both of you do together?
Warning: My readers are always morally grey in some way because it's more realistic to me, not proofread
Author's note: Thank you so much for reaching out and giving me this ask! I'll try my best to weave my story together to match your request. I owe my friend a good favour, so I hope you don't mind me adding her BL favourite here. Thank you so much for your understanding ε(´。•᎑•`)っ 💕
Featuring: Sae Itoshi, Yoichi Isagi, Rin Itoshi x GN! reader
SAE ITOSHI... finds himself most at ease during late-night drives with you in the passenger seat. The windows are down, you're sticking your head out of the car despite his multiple warnings, and he can't stop smiling. His free hand is reaching for you and tugging your shirt down, and his eyes drift to your pouting face in the rearview mirror.
Usually, his late-night drives together with you have no real destination. Acting purely on a whim, Sae always drives you wherever feels right. Sometimes, it's the port right by the beach. Other times, he's driving you to an empty parking lot. Today, he decides to let you have the privilege of choosing where to go.
And when you ultimately decide to go to a playground out of all places, he scoffs but does a U-turn without hesitation.
Is it currently 11 a.m. and does he have a schedule he almost-religiously follows? Yes, and he has a feeling that he won't have enough time to drink his salted kombucha tomorrow morning. Is he tired? Absolutely. Why would he do all of this when he knows damn well he has practice tomorrow?
Hell, he's asking himself that as he opens the car door for you and helps you out.
With a cheeky peck on Sae's cheek, you wash away his thoughts and he returns the favour with a kiss on your forehead. "Let's go get a new car, yeah?" Sae shuts the car door behind you. You're bewildered, to say the least, "I'll let you pick a design this time."
"Look! It's here, it's here!" Your boyfriend, YOICHI ISAGI, geeks out in the manga section of your local bookstore. "Oh yeah, didn't they release figures already? Season 2 is being released soon, right?"
His smile only grows wider when you nod. He's crouching down beside you as you tower over him, leaning down slightly to watch him stare at the various covers. Standing back up on his feet with two in hand, Isagi seems to have reached a slight dilemma.
"Ah... should I get the latest chapter? Or should I..." Oh, isn't that the romance manga you recommended to him? The main couple was cheesy, but it reminded you a lot of how your relationship with Isagi is. Turning your head away, you find yourself stifling a giggle - how cute.
After a moment of deep thought, Isagi sulks. His shoulders slump and he kneels back down, placing both the mangas back on their shelves. Like a defeated puppy, he crouches there for a moment in silence.
"What's up?"
"I can't decide, so it's better if I don't get one or else I'll spend the rest of the day regretting it," He's solemn, your heart clenches when he forces an awkward smile. It's not a big deal, but... "You can borrow my copy y'know, don't be shy."
He perks up. It's a simple gesture, but the simplest things in life have always pleased Isagi the most. With a bashful laugh, he picks out the manga he wanted - he can indulge a little, he decides. "Right, I'm sorry. You didn't need to see how let down I was over something so small." Honestly, Isagi's a little shy. It's only been a few months into the relationship. He wants to respect you and your boundaries.
"I'll get you something in return, thank you."
RIN ITOSHI yelps when he stumbles out of your bedroom to the dimly lit living room of your apartment, sucking back a hiss from the base of his throat when something jabs at his foot. His disappointment only grows when he lifts his foot to see the imprint of a Lego brick on the sole. "What do you think you're doing? At 1 in the morning?" The once groggy Rin Itoshi is now wide awake, meeting your avoidant gaze. As you continue to piece together your Lego set, you mumble, "...couldn't sleep. I usually don't have trouble, but I don't know what's up with me today."
Despite his reluctance, he walks over to you and plops onto the carpet beside you. "Aren't you a little too old for this?" Rin begins while mindlessly piecing bricks together. His back is against your shoulder, partially leaning his weight onto you.
You scoff once he grabs the manual. "You're one to talk," you retort as you pull apart Lego pieces, "In case you haven't realized it, you happen to be playing with my Lego set."
"In case you haven't realized it, I'm helping you, idiot," There's no real malice in his voice. He crosses his legs and straightens his spine, turning to gather the pieces in a pile and redo everything from scratch. You clearly seem to be struggling. He'll never admit it, but he doesn't like the aching gap in his chest when you're not in bed with him.
It's a good excuse in his head. He's simply helping you out so you'll return to his embrace as soon as possible. It's just that. He's totally not enjoying playing with Legos with you - he convinces himself mentally with starry eyes when you both finish the overwhelming set at 2:30 a.m.
"Phew! Now to take it apart!"
"Hell no."
Taglist: @mikmwehehe, @saexy (while you did archive your old account, you are technically still on my list!! Please tell me if you want to get removed and I'll do it asap)
#blue lock x reader#blue lock x y/n#blue lock x you#bllk x reader#bllk x y/n#bllk x you#blue lock#bllk#itoshi sae x reader#sae x you#sae itoshi#sae x reader#itoshi sae#yoichi isagi x reader#isagi yoichi#bllk isagi#blue lock isagi#isagi x you#isagi x reader#itoshi rin#itoshi rin x y/n#itoshi rin x reader#rin x reader#rin x you#rin x y/n#bllk rin
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christmas stocking
words: 1.3k
warnings: established relationship, reader has really good relationship with parents, implied bad family situation for rafe, christmas celebrations
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @winterrrnight @drudyslut @drewsbaby @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog
“hey momma.” you say with a smile as you answer the phone, clicking it to speaker so you continue to work.
“hi baby girl!” your moms voice rings out through the speaker. “did you figure out what time you're leaving?”
“looks like tomorrow at 10 am, then we should be to yours by dinner.” you hum, glancing at the clock while continuing to pack up. “oh, change of plans by the way. rafe is coming with me.”
“oh yay!” your mom squeals. she only met rafe once when she came to visit you in the outer banks at your new house, but it was so early on in your relationship that she didn't really get to know him well, and things are a lot more serious now. “i can't wait to have my babies home for christmas.”
“does that mean andrew will be able to make it?” you ask, inquiring about your brother.
“they'll be here, but leaving the day after christmas for his wife's family.”
“okay, that sounds good. itll be nice to have the four of us back together, plus rafe and diana.” you hum. ever since your brother went away for college when he turned 18, and you left two short years after to move to the outer banks, it was hard to get the whole family together, even for the holidays. you spent the last two christmases in the outer banks, one spent alone in your new house, the other with the camerons.
you were shocked by how different their christmas was than what you were used to. it was cold and devoid of any traditions besides what was seemingly forced on the kids of the family. you ultimately had a good time with rafe, but you missed the familiarity and fun that you had with your family.
rafe was originally going to stay in the outer banks, not wanting to intrude on your family, but you finally convinced him last night that everyone would be happy to have him.
“okay so tell me about what i can get for rafe.” your mom says, and you just know she's bent over the counter with a notepad and pen in hand, not wanting rafe to be left out of opening presents.
--
“ready to go rafey?” you ask, looking at the back of the car, trunk filled with your suitcases, while the back seat has already wrapped presents, both for your family and ones for rafe, as well as his for you.
“i am. last chance to say if you forgot something.”
“nope.” you shake your head, “ive gone over my checklist three different times.”
“alright, off to your parents then.” rafe says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your lips before taking off down the road.
--
“can we stop? i gotta pee.” you say, looking at the sign for an upcoming rest stop.
“again?” rafe sighs, but there's a small smile gracing his features as he turns the indicator on, pulling off to the road stop.
you hop out of the car, but rafe follows right behind you, not letting you go in by yourself, always extra cautious when you're out in public, especially away from the outer banks.
“gonna get us snacks.” rafe says, keeping his eye on you as you head into the bathroom, only turning to the vending machines when you disappear behind the tile wall.
--
“hey baby.” rafe says softly, stroking over your thigh to wake you up. “we're almost there.”
you stretch with a yawn, rubbing at your tired eyes. you blink them open, realizing the roads are now familiar, about to pull off the highway at your home town exit.
“thanks for driving, rafey.” you say, leaning over the center console to give him a kiss on the cheek. you clean up the car a bit while he finishes the drive, gathering up the wrappers of the chips and snacks and shoving them into a bag to throw away later.
“im so excited.” you say as rafe turns down your road, and your parents house comes into view.
“i can’t wait to get to know them.” rafe says, pulling into the driveway. you can’t help the squeal you let out in excitement as you rush out as soon as the car is in park, briefly turning your head to make sure rafe is following you as you step onto the porch, not bothering to know before flinging open the door, knowing that your parents are no doubt waiting right inside for you.
“mom! dad!” you shout, jumping into their arms as they swallow you into a comforting hug. you press a kiss to both of their cheeks before turning to rafe.
“i brought these for you.” rafe sticks forward his hand, in it a bouquet of flowers, presenting them to your mother.
“oh, rafe, darling you shouldn’t have.” your mom coos, pulling rafe into a hug before rushing into the kitchen to place the flowers into a vase. rafe gives your dad a firm handshake before offering to help carry in your bags.
you smile and look out the door as they chat casually, happy that rafe seems to be fitting in instantly.
--
“its just so different.” rafe says softly, stroking his hand absentmindedly over your back as you’re curled up next to him on the couch.
“what do you mean?” you hum, pressing your lips against his shoulder, even though you can guess what he’s talking about.
“your family is just so… easy going. and you all get along so well.” rafe says, looking around the living room at your parents sharing a couch, and your brother and his wife sitting in matching armchairs, all chatting happily amongst themselves.
“im lucky to have such an amazing family.” you say, looking to rafe. “and that you’re a part of it.” “i dont want to intrude though, baby. so if you have any traditions you want to be just amongst your-” “shh.” you cut rafe off, a smile on your face. “we all want you here. my mom was so excited when i told her you were coming. you love me right?” you ask, which rafe of course nods. “and we are planning to be together forever right? so of course my family is going to want you around, to include you in our traditions.” “sorry, dears, i couldn't help but overhear.” your mom says with a slightly blush to her cheeks. “forgive me for eavesdropping, but i actually have a gift for you rafe.”
rafe begins to say that he doesn’t need any gifts, but your mom cuts him off with a quick stern look, one he’s seen in you many times.
your mom returns to the room with a small wrapped box in her hands.
“thank you.” rafe says sincerely, setting the box on his lap. you smile, already knowing what is inside, seeing it before when andrew first brought diana to christmas celebrations.
rafe opens the box carefully, attempting not to rip the paper and make a mess, aware of the eyes on him.
“a christmas stocking.” rafe says with a smile as he pulls it out. you wait for him to notice, and you can tell from his body language the second his eyes read over his own name, hand stitched by your mother, signifying rafes place in the family. he tenses for a second before melting completely, body slumping against yours.
you wrap your arms around rafe, knowing this is an emotional moment for him, his moment where he realizes how loved and accepted he is.
“we are so happy you’re a part of our family, rafe.” your mom says, accepting his hug when he stands to embrace her and thank her for the gift, looking to the mantelpiece with all of the family stockings hanging, where his will soon join.
your dad strikes up a conversation with andrew, and you know its to take some of the pressure and attention off rafe as he ducks his head into your neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin there.
“i told you you wouldn’t be intruding.” you whisper, running your fingers through his hair.
“yeah, yeah.” rafe says sarcastically. “you’re right.” you give him a look, before he concedes with a nod. “as always.”
#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron fic#rafe fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe fanfic#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron one shot#rafe fluff#rafe cameron fluff
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“T-Tara?” Pt.2
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Words- About 750
Warnings- angst or fluff, idk tbh. Swearing, idk what else
Just to say some stuff, I lost my other emails’ password and that email was connected to my other account so I’m on this one now. Sorry for being gone for so long too!
Summary- Y/n and Tara have a crush on each other and go to great lengths to make sure they have them all to themselves.
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Part 1
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“Jeez the suns out early”
Tara has just woken up from her sleep, she was tired from all the running around yesterday.
She almost falls back asleep because of it but then she turns over and takes a look at her clock
“SHIT! ITS 10:30 AM IM LATE FOR SCHOOL”
She rushes to get all of her stuff packed so she can make it to school before lunch, which is at 11:30, so it shouldn’t be that hard… right?
“Okay I’m fucked… I can’t find my keys.”
Oh Well she’s fucked
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Tara’s POV
“I’m gonna fucking die”
I’m not gonna make it there in time, come on Tara run faster. Damn it’s hot out
Fuck I didn’t bring my inhaler, again?!What the fuck Tara, you’re gonna die on the side of the street. I’ve gotta sit down, yeah the sidewalk under this tree looks fine.
“Damn two days in a row”
Is this heaven? Ugh it’s too bright here.
“Hah, no this isn’t heaven Tara” oh it’s Y/n
“Well if it isn’t then what am I doing looking at a goddess” damn what’s going on right now
“Geez don’t you got the pick up lines when you’re literally gasping for air”
She’s funny, and really pretty
“Okay, Tara here you go” Her and that extra inhaler
I mean it definitely feels way better when I can breathe that’s for sure, but every time I look at her I loose my breath anyways so I don’t really see the point in it.
“You good Tara?” So kind
“Huh, oh yeah” me and my dumbass self
“Okay good… what are you doing running out here with a backpack on anyways?” Looking for a princess like you
“Oh- uhm I’m running late for school”
“Huh, I didn’t know there was school on Saturdays” shit of course it’s Saturday, that’s why my alarm didn’t go off.
“Oh… I forgot it was Saturday” oh my god you sound like an idiot Tara!
“Huh, well you need a ride to get home?” I think I’m gonna faint
“Uhm I mean if you’re willing to” Oh. My. God.
“I mean if you want me to” of course I do beautiful.
“Uh I mean yeah sure”
“Okay, yeah, alright uhm my cars over there”
“Right! Right, I gotta get up” oh my god she’s reaching out her hand towards me, oh I’m gonna die when I get home
“Thanks”
“Yeah, no problem” She seems kinda shy.. it’s probably nothing I’m over analyzing
“Damn this car seat is comfy” no like holy shit this is comfy
“Yeah, I know, they’re custom seats.” Of course they are
“Anyways where do you live?” Oh right!
“Oh uhm it’s uhh” me and my damn it stuttering
“You wanna go eat instead? I mean you must be hungry from all that running, and I don’t mean to-“ aww she’s so cute I can’t believe I survived without her before
“I’d love to go out with you- I mean yeah I’m down to go eat with you” what the hell Tara
“Huh, right, anyways where should we go?” Shit I don’t know
“Uhm, let’s go tooooooo…” I have no idea where to go eat
“How about we drive around and figure out where to eat..?” Phew!
“Yeah I think that’s probably the better idea” she’s really smart… she could be my wife..
OKAY NO Tara get yourself together. You cannot do this. But she’s so perfect.. maybe just maybe. I can’t even fight it anymore.. I need her. I need Y/n.
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Oh my god. A lot has happened in the past two months. The meaning behind this new account is between the warnings and the summary at the top.
Sorry for the short post! They’ll be way more sooner!
I have a three part series for Astrid Deetz, the last two parts will probably come out after the movie is released because I can’t really get much off of her character just from the trailer
Anyways hope you guys have had a nice day!
#jenna ortega x reader#jenna ortega x y/n#jenna ortega x fem!reader#jenna ortega x you#tara carpenter x female reader#tara carpenter x reader#tara carpenter x y/n#tara carpenter x you#tara carpenter
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maybe its for the best
rin itoshi x reader
angst
rin can’t stop blaming himself, he knows hes at fault, that hes the reason the two of you had broken up. rin’s life mainly revolved around soccer, until he met you. all his life, his only goal was to beat his brother, itoshi sae, and show him how he too could be good at soccer. little did he know, he would be so caught up in his obsession with competing against his brother would ruin a relationship he had cherished so much.
28 April, 10.58 p.m.
The night you two broke up, it was after one of his late night trainings. despite being tired and burnt out, he still stayed back after training, pushing himself to his limit, in hopes that his skill would be up to par with his brother’s.
you laid in your shared bed with him, wondering when he would come home. his soccer training should have ended at 9 p.m., yet he was still not home. seeing the clock almost striking 11, you became more and more worried about your lover. you had sent him multiple texts, but none were read.
“he must be staying back after training again,” you thought to yourself. despite the constant reminders not to overexert himself, and that he should rest more, rin never listened to you. he would either brush you off, saying it was no big deal and that he wasnt tired, or just ignore you. you understood that he was feeling lots of stress especially with the upcoming soccer match, but you just couldnt stand there and see him destroy himself like this. it certainly wasnt healthy and beneficial for his physical or mental health.
as you reached the stadium, you saw a familiar figure doing his routines.
“rin! ive been worried about you. its already 11 p.m., you should come home and rest!” you called out to him as you ran towards him.
“ just a few more minutes…im almost done. after im done, we can go home, okay? “ he said without looking back to you.
as much as you wanted to let him finish, you could already tell he was extremely tired. the sweat running down his forehead and muscles, the heavy panting that you knew all to well — he was already pushing his limits, if you were to let him continue, he might over exhaust himself, doing more harm than good to his body.
“ rinnie, please, youre at your limit already, please just stop! youre going to hurt yourself at this rate! “ you begged him to stop, but he wouldnt listen. tears started to well up in your eyes as you grew more and more anxious, why wouldnt he just stop hurting himself like this and listen to you?
it wasnt long before rin snapped.
“do you really think im that weak?! besides, what i do to my own body is none of your business! youre just another obstacle in the way of my success, just leave me alone you lukewarm piece of shit, god damn it!” he shouted, his eyes filled with anger as he finally looked over to you.
that was when he realised he fucked up.
his heart ached as he saw hot tears streaming down your red cheeks. no, wait, he didnt mean it!
“please baby, wait, i didnt mean it. im so sorry i said that, please..” he immediately stopped what he was doing to run towards you, forcefully hugging you, frantically apologising.
you didnt say anything. you couldnt say anything. you were in disbelief — the man that you had loved with all your heart, the man that you cared for so deeply, wanted you to leave him alone? was this truly the way he felt about you? just an obstacle? a lukewarm piece of shit?
“baby please, i didnt mean any of that… its all my fault, i know you want the best for me. forgive me please… please, say something!” this time, rin was the one of the verge of tears.
“so that’s how you feel about me?… you want me to leave you alone?…” you managed to stutter out, trying hard not to start bawling on the spot. how could he say something so hurtful?
“fine. if that’s how you want it, dont contact me ever again rin, it’s over between us.”
you ran back to your car before rin could react and slammed the door shut, driving off to your shared apartment to pack your things and move out. you weren’t just angry, you were upset.
you couldnt believe this was how your relationship with rin was going to end. you always thought of rin as someone you would continue to love and care for, someone you would grow old with.
that night, rin laid on the grass in the stadium, looking up at the night sky, head filled with regrets, heart aching.
present
was it really worth it? rin always asked himself. sure, he managed to show to his brother that his soccer skills were excellent, but that didnt make him happy. in fact, after the two of you had broken up, nothing made him happy. how could he be happy without you? he was struggling to even live a day without you.
rin would spend countless sleepless nights scrolling through his photo gallery, looking at photos you had forced him to take with you. the poor man couldnt even sleep without your scent. he would often try and find old articles of clothing you had left behind around the house — it was the only way he could sleep, with your scent.
he would spend many hours training, even if there wasnt any upcoming matches. he was desperate to find any sort of distraction to distract himself from thinking about you.
some nights after training, he prayed that you would still be there outside the stadium, waiting to drive him home. he prayed that he could see you again, hear your sweet voice and hearty laugh again. he was so desperate to hear your voice again, he didnt care if he had to hear your nagging or your complaints, he just needed to hear you again, to see that pretty face of yours.
rin always thought about how foolish he was. before he met you, he felt that unfortunate things always happened to him. he always thought about how terrible and unlucky his life was. that was until he met you. you were like a blessing from heaven, an angel that came and brightened up his dull, lukewarm life. he wished he had known how to appreciate you earlier. if only he had opened his eyes and see how much you had loved and cared for him.
it feels like torture scrolling through your instagram page, seeing you move in with your new boyfriend, seeing you have dinner dates with him. he knows your new boyfriend treats you way better than he ever did, and he feels happy that your being taken good care of, but deep down, his heart was being ripped into shreds. it felt so wrong, but he couldnt stand the thought of you laughing, or smiling for another man. you were already moving on with life, getting ready to marry your boyfriend, and there was nothing he could do about it.
rin accepted that he could never be at peace with himself, especially since he had fucked up the only good thing in his life. it was too late for regrets, the only thing he could do now was make sure that you were safe and happy from afar.
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thank you for reading!
word count: 1.2k
feel free to request!
please dont steal
@lingeringdesires505 2024
#bluelock#blue lock#bluelock x you#bllk x you#x you angst#rin itoshi#rin x reader#bluelock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk#bllk angst#fanfiction#fanfic#itoshi rin#itoshi rin x reader#bllk rin#blue lock rin#angst#x you#x reader#x reader angst#self insert
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pairing: idol!jeongin x fem!reader
genre: angst (with good ending)
warnings: stress, anxiety, reader gets hurt by words, cursing, crying
~Jeongin gets stressed with work and takes it out on you by mistake~
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Reader
It was currently 2:15am and i was still waiting for Jeongin to come back home from his dance practice and vocal lessons. I know their new album will drop soon and they all get anxious but he’s overdoing it I don’t even know if he grabbed anything to eat before he left
I’ve been trying to call him for the past 2 hours but he never answers but he has seen my texts which is weird, he always answers he hates leaving me on seen. All i want is for him to get home and eat properly, he’s beating himself up with all these practices from 2pm to God knows when
I’ll just watch a movie and wait for him
Jeongin
10+ missed calls from “y/n💕”
Helloooo!? 1:10am
Babe where are you? 1:30am
7 missed calls from “y/n💕”
You are reading my text why are you not answering? 2:00am
Jeongin where the fuck are you 2:15am
It’s 2:40 and i’m driving home, i couldn’t get the choreography right and it was frustrating, what is more frustrating is that i can’t concentrate with my phone blowing up
I kept making mistakes and now i have to practice on my day off
she’s calling again
“oh for fucks sake” i whisper to myself and answer the phone “where the fuck have you been Jeongin!” “stop yelling okay i was in practice” i try to calm her down, i’m way too tired for this “in this hour?” i sigh and rub my eyes with my hand “yes y/n i have work to do okay, i have shit to practice for” keeping calm is way harder than it looks “you better be here in 5” she yells and hangs up, i put my phone on my pocket and start driving back home
Reader
As soon as i hanged up the phone i went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to calm down
The door unlocks and his tired figure walks in to our apartment taking of his shoes and placing his back on the ground, he doesn’t look at me at all and just walks at our shared bedroom, i rub my face and follow him “care to tell me why are you this late?” i ask him calmly “for the thousand time, i was practicing is it that hard to understand?” he looks at me, his eyes piercing my skin “Jeongin it’s 3am you can’t be practicing until-” “for Gods sake shut up, i’m working okay im doing my job can you stop being so damn annoying? i can’t fucking concentrate when you blowing up my phone like that i keep making mistakes and now i have to work more” he yells at me, he hasn’t yelled at me before always keeping his cool and being calm, there is silence for a few seconds, the phrase “can you stop being so annoying?” echoing in my mind “okay i- im sorry i’ll leave you alone” i say as i grab my pillow and walk to the guest room to lay down
I’ve always been called annoying because i care too much, Jeongin knows that and i thought i was over it until i heard him saying it it kind of broke my heart. Silence filled the dark apartment, the only sound of life was me turning around trying to get comfortable but that was impossible, i can’t sleep without him and after that fight
I got up to grab a snack when Jeongin exit our room “hey” he said quietly walking towards me “hi” i answered trying to avoid his eyes “look i’m sorr-” “i think you’re right i’ve being annoying you i’ll leave you alone to think and get your job done” i say and quickly walk to the guest room
Sleeping was hard but i managed to rest, by the time i woke up Jeongin was already gone so it gave me time to make myself breakfast and take some of my stuff to the guest room, since his program was unstable i didn’t know when he was coming back so i took a shower trying to get the thoughts out of my head. The time passed so slowly with me trying to force myself to be busy so i don’t get into my thoughts that i had to make lunch, i don’t work these days since it’s summer holidays so i take charge of the house, i finished with cooking but i lost my appetite knowing that he can live without talking to me so i just locked myself in the guest room crying myself to sleep again.
Jeongin
It was 3:30pm and i was packing up from practice, my phone all dry, i kept checking hoping i’d see her name pop up on the screen but nothing, i know i asked for this and it’s my fault but i can’t bare it, i almost started to cry until Lee know hyung came over me “what’s wrong? you look upset” he questioned sitting down next to me “it’s just problems in my relationship i’ll be okay” i answer trying to control my trembling voice and teary eyes “cmon i know you better than that, it’s okay to let your feeling out” he looked at me and i lowered my head, it was getting harder to control my tears until i burst.
I started crying uncontrollably in my hands while Lee know was rubbing my back “everything is okay let it all out and tell me what’s wrong” he said trying to calm me down, after a few minutes there were just sniffles echoing in the practice room “i called her annoying hyung, the person i love the most, i hurt her, i could see it in her eyes i fucked up” i said trying not to cry again and he sighed “Jeongin yes you did probably hurt her but you can fix it, i know you can do grab your things calm down and go fix it hm?” he told me with a serious look “y-yes i’m going” i wiped my tears thanked him and run to my car to drive home
When i walked inside there was no sign of life, i saw food prepared and it made me even more guilty, i kicked off my shoes and walked to our shared bedroom hoping to see her there and apologise but there was no one there, some of her stuff were gone. I got worried and searched the whole apartment until i found her in the guest room sleeping, i sighed in relief and sat next to her sleeping body
“I’m really sorry for what i said” i stated of my apology “i hope you know that i didn’t mean it, i was stressed and i let it out on you i-” i took a deep breath trying not to cry “i shouldn’t have yelled or called you annoying in any case because i love you and all you do is love and care for me” my voice trembling again and tears staining my cheeks “i love you so much and i promise to never do that again, and i’m also gonna say this after you wake up but” i pose for a second and kiss her forehead “i want you to know that i’m sorry” i wipe my tears and get up
Reader
“don’t leave” i say calmly while looking at him turning around “y- you were awake?” he asked wiping more tears “well you were running around in the apartment like a maniac” i chuckled “oh i’m sorry” he smiled weakly “ i know that you were stressed and that you didn’t mean it it just hurt” i get up and walk towards him “i’m sorry” he hugs me tight, God i missed this, as he pulls away i kiss him passionately, i can feel his smile in the kiss.
“So wanna go grab ice cream!?” he asks “what kind of question is that of course i want!” i grab my phone and run to put my shoes on
everything can be fixed, even the worst situations but both sides really have to put effort
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I haven’t posted in a while sorry!!🦊Thank you for all the support angels🤍
#skz#stray kids#jeongin x reader#i.n skz#jeongin scenarios#jeongin angst#jeongin#jeongin fluff#skz x reader
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Drunk Words Are Sober Thoughts 18++
sort of 18+ but idk so just read it and figure it out for yourself I guess lol
Just kidding update IT GOT NASTY LOL
“You seem a bit sloshed, my darling.” Nikolai informed you, smiling as you shimmied your way across the tavern towards him, watching as he leaned on the wall. “Feeling friendly today?”
“Mhmm.” You mumbled, eyeing your prince and close friend. “Where’s…Alina?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing as you tried to remember the girl’s name.
“Probably off with her tracker friend.”
“Aren’t you engaged?”
“Yeah, why? It’s political. I told you.”
“Why can’t you—” you paused, forgetting the thought as you moved closer to him, leaning against the wall at his side. “I’m sleepy.” You groaned, dropping your forehead onto his shoulder as he laughed.
“I can tell.”
“Aren’t you tired?” You asked, peering up at him with wide, doe eyes. The sweetness of your breath from the vodka cranberries, plus the slightly red tinge to your lips, made Nikolai lean into you a fraction more.
“I haven’t had as much as you.” He grinned lazily, those blue eyes of his mischievous. “I think we should get you to bed.”
“Only if you come too.” You insisted, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his forehead. His eyes stayed on your face, only inches from his as you tilted yours up to him.
Nikolai stared, glancing at your mouth as you spoke, then back up.
“You’re drunk.” He commented, ignoring the way your hand lingered, looping around his neck. “Y/N—”.
“Are you coming, Nik?”
“Yeah.” He mumbled, cursing himself internally but not wanting to leave you alone. “Saints, fine. Let’s go.” He said, taking your hand in his and leading you to the exit. When you stumbled a bit he mumbled ‘fuck it’ under his breath and scooped you up, carrying you away.
You squeaked and laughed, holding his waist as he approached his horse outside, guiding the two of you up onto it. You settled in front of him on the massive animal, closing your eyes in contentment when your back relaxed into his chest. He was hard as a rock and warm—so warm.
“Mmmm.” You moaned softly, involuntarily, and Nikolai wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you still.
“None of those sounds, love.” Nikolai chuckled, then snapped the reins, taking the both of you home.
-
“Does that count as drunk driving?” You asked, tripping into your bedroom as Nikolai leaned against the doorway. “Riding on a horse when intoxicated?”
“I don’t think so.” The prince mused, and watched as you tugged at the laces on the back of your dress, unable to reach them. You hopped around for a while and he rolled his eyes, approaching and kicking the door shut behind him. “Saints, be still, woman.” He grumbled, yanking you towards him by your stays as you laughed.
“Trying to get me naked, prince?” You asked coyly, the alcohol keeping your tongue loose. He rolled his eyes again, out of your sight. “I’d like to see you naked in my bed.” His hands froze as you laughed, your face flushed, until you realized exactly what you’d just said and your laughter died out.
You giggled again, this time nervously, as he finished carefully undoing your laces and backed away.
“Sorry.” You mumbled, horrified at your words, and closed your eyes. But your breath hitched when his fingers moved to your shoulders, sliding the material of your dress down, his skin trailing over your own. “Nik?” You whispered, chest rising and falling with your breaths as he pushed the dress down to your waist, exposing your bare back to him. And then you relaxed, gasping slightly as his mouth touched your neck, kissing down slowly to your shoulder.
“You have to tell me you aren’t drunk.” He murmured against your skin, kissing your shoulder again. His hands moved, one slipping around the front of your bare waist to stroke his thumb along your abdomen, the other holding the front of your throat with hardly any pressure, tugging you back against him.
“I’m—Im not.” You said breathlessly. It was true—your embarrassment combined with the ride home had sobered you up almost completely.
“Because I won’t take advantage of you, Y/N.” He continued, his hand on your stomach moving lower, bring the dress down with it. The material collapsed in a pool at your feet, and your bare legs shone in the gentle light of your rooms.
“I’m not. I promise.” You whispered, and your head fell back onto his shoulder when he ran his fingers slowly, too slowly, over your clothed center.
“Tell me what you think about me..” he ordered, pressing a warm kiss to your neck. “when you touch yourself. When you’re alone.”
“I—I don’t—”
“I know you do. I can feel how wet you are.”
“Well…” you swallowed, embarrassed to find he was right. And it was true, you had been thinking about the prince for a while. Longer than you should have. “I think about your…”
“My what, love?” He asked, slipping his hand into the material covering you and beginning to massage your most sensitive area.
You couldn’t think straight.
“Think about your…body and..and voice.”
“My voice?” He chuckled, amused. “What about it?”
“Aren’t you more interested in how I feel about your body?”
“You already said you want me naked, sweetheart.” He said, then turned you around to face him, pulling your mouth to his own.
You both groaned into the kiss, eager to have one another as he yanked his shirt off, panting slightly as he pushed you down onto your bed. His mouth worked against your own as he moved atop you, pressing every inch of that gorgeous body you’d been thinking about for months against you.
“Shit, Nik—” you gasped as he licked and sucked on your lips and tongue, unable to stop tasting you.
“You taste so sweet.” He groaned, kissing you deeply as you blushed. “Like fruit.”
“It’s the drinks.”
“I wonder if..” a mischievous look crossed his eyes and he moved off you. Just when you were about to protest he dropped to his knees beside the bed and yanked your legs towards him, pulling you right to his face. You yelped at the sudden movement, your heart racing as he peeled off your soaked undergarments and tossed them aside. “So perfect.” He sighed, eyebrows furrowing like he was in pain, before he leaned in and licked a long, slow stripe up.
You let out a gasping moan at the feeling, your hands flying to his hair as he worked you, alternating between sucking, licking, and fucking you with his tongue.
“I knew it.” You heard him whisper, and the vulgar sounds were making your face turn red. “Just as good..”
If it was possible for your face to get any redder it did, especially as he continued his ministrations for barely another minute before you came, embarrassingly fast, your hands tugging at his hair as your legs trembled. You whimpered his name and heaved for breath, listening to his dark laugh against your inner thighs.
“So pretty, laid out for me.” He murmured, standing up and kicking off his trousers, moving to hover back over you. Then he paused, all signs of heat fading from his eyes as he gave you a serious look. “You sure you want this? It’s not too late to say no. I won’t mind.”
“Are you kidding me?” You whispered, opening your eyes and giving him an exasperated look. “Just fuck me, Nikolai.” You demanded, and the man didn’t need to be told twice.
“Shit..shit.” Nikolai cursed, pushing into you and straining at your tightness. He was bigger than you’d ever had and lord, it felt good. You were already moaning softy, pleading with him to move. When he did, he scooped an arm under your lower back, cradling your body against him as he thrust in slow and deep.
The angle was blindingly good, and it had you increasing your volume and scratching at his back, begging him to go faster.
“Gonna…take my time with you, love.” Nikolai panted, biting back a moan as he bottomed out, hitting the farthest point inside you. You jolted at the sensation, and he grinned. “Been wanting you for so long. I’m not rushing.”
“Please.” You whined, feeling the agonizingly slow strokes. But then he looked at you, making eye-contact, and your heart stuttered in your chest. His blue eyes were soft and heavy-lidded; he was drunk on you, high on the feel and smell and taste of you, and it was obvious.
Instead of saying anything he bent his head to kiss you softly, gripping your body tighter against him, keeping your hips bowed off the mattress. It felt so good your eyes rolled back into your head, and you felt your second finish approaching. Nikolai didn’t rush. He took his time, taking you apart leisurely, ignoring every plead, every clench, and then, eventually, your tears of desperation that were welling up.
“God, you’re perfect.” He mumbled against your lips, and you shattered around him, him following suit seconds later.
What seemed like minutes later but was really an hour the two of you laid in bed together, cleaned up and curled into one another. Nikolai was running a hand up and down your bare back, your chest pressed against his front as you slept. He stared down at you, admiring you, and felt his heart twist. He swallowed down what felt like a twinge of pain before moving.
He extracted himself slowly, eager not to wake you up, and gathered his clothes, before slipping out of your room.
OKAYYYYYYYY SLUTS
#shadow and bone#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lantsov x reader#wattpad#nikolai x reader#shadow and bone imagine#fluff#smut#nikolai lantsov smut#nikolai imagines#nikolai lanstov x reader#nikolai lanstov x y/n#Nikolai lantsov fanfic
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Dr Flug x Fem reader who is the head of the department of black arts and witchcraft? Like him having a crush on her, it would be kind of ironic him being the head of the department of science and technology
A/N: oooo another Flug request! I love writing for this silly little nerd guy!!! One of my favorite comfort characters<33 fyi: had a hard time writing this, especially with his crushing stage so i just did alittle for it, i hope this works!!! ty sm for requesting!!!! I hope you enjoy~! {May edit later, im tired rn}
Dr. Flug × Fem. Witch Reader!
•i feel like this man would be a huge skeptic towards magic. I mean, sure his boss is a demon and all, but he believes more in scientific reasoning then he actually does Magic. He thinks that there is a reasoning behind everything. being the head of the scientific technology department, he tried his best to study magic, but found ut a huge waste of his time, and ended up going back to his on projects
• when he first met you, it was on one his missions with the gang, and it was not going well for them. The hero they were after easily out maneuvered their plans, and had them dangerouslh close to defeat
• Flug was a mess, panicked and unsure what to do. If he got caught by a hero, Blackhat would sure as hell just leave him there and not care to come and retreave him. Let alone, he didnt want to get punished anymore then he hast to endure
• Flug thought they were goners, before, lo and behold, before the hero could take them into custody, you appeared. Quickly catching the hero off gaurd with a blast of magic to his side
• of course, the hero ended up taunting you, and launched himself at you, only for you to easily knock him out of thd sky and to the concrete with the wave of your hand
• as you and the hero quarled, Flug couldnt help but watch. He would had been planning to get out, but he was observing the battle. How you easily threw the hero around liks a toy. The hero didnt even manage to hit you a single time and you already had him to the ground.
• you had freed the trio before they could be taken from authorities. Easily clipping the lock off. The two of you locked eyes for a moment, but before Flug could say thank you, you were gone.
• Flug was quite appalled, his curiosity peaked, as he abd his team fled from the scene. Though, he wasnt able to get you out of his head. He had never seen or heard anything about a villain who easily threw around Heros without even touching them, and Flug knew everthing about every Villain in the town.
• When he got back to his lab, he automatically started to look up things about you, desprately searching up something to ease his curiosity and get you out of his head
• there wasnt to much about you that he could find. He had figured out you were a 'in and out' villain, hardly giving people enough time to look at you before you disappeared into a puff of smoke.
• reading into some reports about you, of people writing nonsense about a powerful villain that wasn't Blackhat, and ranting in painful grammar about a 'witch villain'
• this made Flug laugh, obviously not believing it one bit. Rolling his eyes he got off his computer and went back to work.
• though, he still couldnt get you out of his head. Thinking back to the way how easily you handled that hero, and didnt even lay a finger on him. Now that Flug thought about it, he didnt even see you get close to him at all. Which made the doctor ponder about you even more
• it started driving him insane
• Flug, for the next few times had a hard time focusing on his projects, caught in his mind about what you were. It ended up getting him into trouble, why couldnt you just leave him alone? He had so many questions, but no you to answer them
• finally came his once a month trip of errands he ran for the crew. Heading out to collect food, or certain parts he could use to work on his projects. He never liked these days, but he endured it never the less
• just as he was walking by, looking for supplies, he bumped into you on accident. He frantically apologized, but once he noticed it was you, he froze in his tracks. Looking up at you, as you looked down at him and reasured him that it was okay
• all of a sudden, all his questions flooded his mind. He sure didnt expect to find you here of all places! What were you doing here? Were you here on some sort of mission? What did you even need here?
• His thoughts got interrupted as you finally voiced that you recognized him, sending Flug into a blushing frenzy as he tried to play it off, muttering a thank you to you as he cleared his throat
• though, when you commented that you knew who he was, it caught him off guard. You knew who he was? No one really ever recognized him other than the bag wearing villain. Being a scientist didnt really give him many looks of pride.
• he was geniunly suprised when you told him his name, and that yoi recognized him from tv adds and some of his work. He didnt know how to feel, but when you complemented him, he nearly collapsed into jelly. No one really ever complemented him, let alone someone as pretty as you! It made his face flush under his bag as he attempted to calm himself
• Though, when you introduced yourself, he must had made a face when you mentioned magic to him. Cause you quickly responded to demonstrate your magic to him.
• turning your gaze to the nearest tin can, without even touching it you beckoned it over, making it levitate over to you.
• Flug watched curiously, eyeing the tin can as if trying to find the strong attached to it to find an explanation. As it levitated for a moment, you flicked your hand, only for the can to fly past Flugs head and hit the worker nearby in the back of his head at full force
• Flug was now a little less of a skeptic
• after that, you and Flug chatted for awhile, happily demonstrating some more of your magic for him, who he would watch closely and eagerly, trying to study it every time. You found it quite funny the way his eyes widened in curiosity
• you two ended up spending the rest of the day together, you helping him with finding his supplies, which he was greatful for. Usually it took him until nightfall to get everything done, but with your help he was able to get back to the manor by noon
• not only that, but he learned alot about you, and how you were also the head of your specialties. That stunned Flug, that you were a head of magic, and he happened to be the head of sciece and technology! No wonder the two of you ended up getting along quite well
• Flug expected his thoughts of you to decrease now that he had answers, but they ended up worsening. Now finding himself wanting to spend more time with you, and for you to show him more of your magic
• Now, the two of you ended up meeting eachother every month on Flugs outing days, so you guys could chat together and spend time with one another. You helping him and showing him your magic, and him happily showing you some of his project ideas.
• Over time, he found himself wanting to spend more and more time with you, getting excited when the day would come to meet up with you! But he still craved more contact with you
• He ended up giving you the adress to the mansion, so you could come over and visit, which you happily took the opportunity
• your visits became more frequent, which Flug was always delighted to see you!
• you would chat with him as he worked on his machines, or let Flug study some more of your magic. And boy, Flug certainly enjoyed the company. More say your company, he goy so happy when you visited him. Even if it was for a few minutes, he always was glad you decided to drop in, no matter how busy you were
• He loved your visits, it made him all giddy and happy, which he hadnt felt in a long time until you came into the picture. He didnt like the way you made his body warm at first, ungil he spent more time with you, he ended up waiting every day in hopes that you would come visit him
• one day, when you made his favorite flowers appear for him out of thin air, he nearly passed out
• he definitely found a way to preserve those flowers forever
• you started to make him feel weird, especially when you came in abd smiled at him, saying your common hello just made his heart lurch out for you. Getting all flustered when you complimented his work, or stood close to him, or even feeling the slightest bit of touch from you would send him to the ground
• he loved watching the way you preform your magic for him. Sometimes, he ended up watching you instead of the trick you were showing him. And when you commented about it he got all shy and babbled an apology, while you giggled which sent him deeper into his flusterdness, you absolutely found this adorable
• you, the wonderful witch you are, ended up enchanting his heart
#villainous x reader#dr flug x reader#dr flug#kenning flugslys#villainous#x reader#reader insert#nerd boy#best boy#witch reader
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nvm it was moved to next week
im an EXTROVERT why am i REHEARSING how to INTRODUCE MYSELF at this event ive been looking forward to for DAYS
#i only learned this after getting to the location and driving around in the dark for like 15 minutes#finding a place to park and triple-quadruple check the website#and calling my partner to inform him (tearfully) that i would be driving home#at which point he looked at the website of the PLACE hosting the event#and THAT website said it was moved to next week#which is a huge fucking bummer because ive been in Waiting Mode all day (got nothing productive done) (esp since mom asked me to walk the#dog which threw off my tentative plan for a relaxed and fun day. i had breakfast plans that i Actually Wanted to Cook????)#and been looking forward to this event ALL WEEK#i was like YAHOO i found it JUST IN TIME and it is lined up PERFECTLY so that i could have a new exciting outing tonight#and see my friends in the city next friday#but now i have to choose whether i go to the astronomy event or see my friends next friday#both of which are essentially Monthly occurrences#im !!!!!!!!!!!!! crestfallen!!!!!!!!!!! i feel?? betrayed?????????????#ive cried so much this week im fuckin tired of this#i dont wanna go downstairs and watch anime w the roomies i want to be OUT i want to be DOING SOMETHING FUN#i love anime with the roomies but it's also really hard when one of them is tearing it apart (it was my hyperfix for all of age 11)#im upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and it feels so stupid to be upset!!!!! there are REAL problems in the world!!!!!!!!!!!! this is stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#blah blah blah#i'll decide on something i'll get there eventually. i'll figure it out im a grown up
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Things I’m doing instead of cleaning
Why does it take me months to clean and put away laundry why am I like this why 🥺I’m not even talking deep clean. I’m talking the basics of straightening. Living in such a small space with kids is fucking hard yall. It’s so hard. Part of it is I’m fucking tired and therefore lazy. Part is I feel stressed and angry at how messy my kids are and I just avoid addressing it while they’re here so I don’t lose my cool and yell. (And almost everyday I don’t have them I’m working or recovering from working 14 hour shifts). And then there’s the fact that this place is infested so there’s no “if I clean there won’t be bugs” bc I spent a year of spotless house with all the bugs and it’s fucking depressing. Im deadly afraid of roaches but I’ve desensitized my self enough to where I can kill one behind my kids back with my bare hands just to avoid scaring them. 😳🤮(bc they don’t love them either)
I silently and calmly killed a wolf spider the size of my palm with my bare hand in the bathtub yesterday while Molly was about to shower bc I didn’t want her to freak the fuck out too. Living in the country has its downsides I guess.
Re court. I need to win. I need to get the fuck out of this or gut it and start over (which I’m renting so lol I can’t but I could do something better with like a little spending money as far as organizing tools/dressers shelves etc🤦🏻♀️)
Part of my lease agreement is/was? mowing like 10 acres. Well the landlord recently said I need to look at buying my own mower this coming year. LOL. I currently use one of his 2 zero turn commercial ($20k) mowers…bc that’s what he said originally. Because one time in 2 fucking years I accidentally ran over a hose and he had to remove it…everything was fine…... I’m just gonna not. It’s not in said lease. Said lease is also not valid since like a year ago…bc he never made a new one for me to sign. I figure if and when he asks me to leave (if it’s before I can feasibly leave on my own) I’m just gonna middle finger and let him go to the courts to get me out bc fuck him and his judgmental racist self. That should give me like 8/9 months right?
My kids still take turns sleeping with me. Because they want to. My girl is super cuddly. My boy has stopped w cuddling but still likes being near. It was his turn last night. When he got up this morning Molly immediately jumped into bed curled around me and said “my mama” like she did as a baby and my heart melted. This is why I don’t clean while they’re here rn. I don’t have the patience to do it calmly(lately) and top tier requirement for me is to make my home a safe space emotionally (and physically) for my kids.
I’m rambling bc hey I’m still avoiding cleaning. I need a friend. Someone to come over and just chat w me while I do this. But I have one friend and she only comes over like 1-3 times a year. I usually go see her bc she lives in a “mansion” with a craft room and I’m already out driving kids to school anyways.
Anyone wanna call and chat? Or text? Pm me if so. I’m US based. No it won’t be sexual. Just friendly chit chat
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After Ever (Chapter 6)
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pair: sylus (l&ds) x MC tags/tw: lots of dialogue from game, cannon adjacent ig, graphic violence, blood, swearing, slight ooc, not proof read (never is) word count: 5.5k song rec: better than revenge by taylor swift a/n: important to note that he is not himself here, they are in extreme circumstances and might behave a bit ooc, but given their circumstances it makes sense PSA driving tired can be just as dangerous as driving under the influence
important: i wanted to group my writing together so i decided to move this fic over to this account but i promise it's still me. if you want to follow this fic and updates but don't want to follow me bc im annoying (understandable) check out the tag #after ever fanfiction and if you follow me for one piece content you can just mute the tag or something idk
Her eyes fluttered open, a blinding light dominating her vision. She was restrained at her wrists and ankles, she couldn’t see them, but knew they were there. Muffled voices spoke among themselves above her in a language she didn’t quite understand. Her heart rate quickened and her breathing deepened, the expansion of her lungs cut short by another set of straps outlining her midsection, further locking her in place.
She was praying that the people would leave and leave her alone, but it seemed no god was listening that day. The shadow of a looming figure broke up the powerful light. Another figure passes what looks to be a scalpel over to the first one. That is when she realized what was happening.
She screamed, pleading with the doctors to let her be. She could feel the tears rolling down her face, snot pooling at her upper lip. A hand came descending down onto her face and she screamed. The hand wiped away the mucus and her tears, telling her it would all be okay. The voice was familiar and should be comforting, but it was only inspiring further panic.
She screamed until she couldn’t anymore. A sharp sting from the scalpel making its first cut was the last thing she felt before everything started to get hazy.
“Just go to sleep, child,” a voice said…
…Grandma?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kore’s eyes snapped open as she jolted awake. The relief she felt at the ordeal being over was cut short when the figure of another doctor loomed over her. It suddenly hit her that she had no idea where she was or what had happened to her, hell, she had no way of knowing what time it was or how long she was out. Although she attempted to not let fear get the best of her, she was scared and disoriented, worried that she hadn’t truly escaped her nightmare.
“You’re awake,” the old man said before checking her vitals. She was connected to various machines – all of which, according to her limited knowledge, seemed to be outdated by decades. Seemingly content, the man began the task of disconnecting her from all of the equipment as well as the IV bags that hung by her side.
“Y-yes, I am,” she responded, her voice raw from lack of use. Her throat was bone dry, and a glass of water was thrusted into her hands, which she greedily gulped down.
Kore was trying hard to get a grip on reality. Her body, starving for stimulus, amplified every one of her senses, the steady beat of the heart monitor pounded in her head. Her vision started to regain clarity as her eyes started to fully adjust to the light.
“Good, we thought you might be a goner,” a new voice said from somewhere in the room. Her eyes snapped to the source of the sound, but whoever it was was shrouded in shadows. Well, that’s promising, Kore remarked about her safety.
“It looks like her vitals have returned back to normal, she should be out of the woods now, but it is important that you keep an eye on her and contact me if her condition starts to deteriorate,” the doctor said to the other voice in the room before making a prompt exit.
The room around her was dark, old, and stuffy, it looks like it could be from a haunted house if you added more dust and cobwebs, she remarked. In spite of all of its flaws, the room looked to be in remarkable condition.The sheets that she lied in seemed to have once been of quality but have worn into rough cotton over time.
“There is some food next to you if you are hungry,” the same voice said. Kore turned to the bedside and saw a modest meal, her stomach growled at the mere sight of food. Weakly, she reached for it and started eating the now cold soup.
A voice, slightly different but eerily similar, spoke up, “We made sure that you always had a meal because we didn’t know when you would wake up. Sorry if anything is missing, someone got hungry while watching over you.”
“So you two,” Kore started with a mouthful of food, decorum be damned.
“You’re seeing things. I’m the only one here. There is no ‘two’.” the first voice said. By then, Kore’s eyes had adjusted well enough to see the two figures in the room, one far in the corner resting on a dresser and the other walking closer to her. Her eyes narrow as she glares at the young man.
“Oh really, then I suppose your brother here is just an illusion,” she said pointing at the other man.
“Wow! How did you know we were brothers?” the one in the corner asked as he hopped off the dresser.
“Your voices are similar,” she paused, continuing once the second man had reached the light, “Plus you look the same. Twins, I suppose.” For some reason both men seemed to be impressed with her figuring them out.
“Oh wow! What else do you know?” the one on the right said.
“Do it again!” the other twin cheered.
“No,” Kore said and their shoulders visibly sagged, to which she couldn’t help but chuckle at. “What I want to know is why you were watching me and how long I was out.”
“Aw, you’re no fun,” the same twin complained before the other elbowed him in the side.
“I’m sorry about him, I’m Kieran,” the one on the left said.
“And I’m Luke,” said the victim of the elbowing.
“To answer your question,” Kieran continued, “you were out for approximately three days, maybe four, I’m not sure, and we were watching you because our boss told us to.”
“When he wasn’t at your bedside like some lovesick puppy,” Luke giggled, earning him another elbow in his side. The twins seemed to have a silent conversation with each other that only they could understand.
“What I meant to say,” Luke said cautiously, eyeing Kieran for approval, “was that we should let our boss know that you are awake.”
“Before you do that I have a couple of questions,” Kore asked, the twins looked at each other and shrugged before she continued, “Where am I?”
“You’re in Onychinus’ base,” Luke answered.
“Why?” Kore further questioned.
“Because after you passed out our boss wanted to make sure that you were safe-”
“Because you know the whereabouts of an aether core and no other reason,” Luke interrupted Kieran with an uncomfortable laugh. Kieran only glared at his brother.
“That answers my next question,” Kore said, finishing her food. “Now I only have one more question left, where is the bathroom?”
The twins guided her to the room’s en suite and informed her about extra clothes and toiletries in case she wanted to shower after so long. Relieved, she took them up on that offer, noisily locking the door behind her. It was only after she swept the bathroom for cameras, bugs, or other means of surveillance that she felt comfortable enough to do anything.
In the shower, she becomes lost in thought. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to go about getting more information about the aether cores and she didn’t know how she felt being kept hostage in Onychinus’ base.
She knew she needed to get out, that she wasn’t safe, but when would she have a better opportunity to gather intel on the enemy than being confined in their walls? As the water cascaded down her body, a plan started to formulate in her head.
If she could escape long enough to learn the layout of the base and its surroundings then allow herself to be caught again, she could use that opportunity to become close with her captors and learn more information about aether cores. Ideally, she would also be able to take down the whole of Onychinus, or at least the people at the top, but that was a secondary motive. All of this hinged on the idea that they would go after her, but with the incentive of an aether core, it was a bet she was willing to make.
Knowing the quicker she can escape the better, Kore started to strategize. She quickly settled on a classic technique, which seemed like it would be full proof if she could acquire a weapon. Finishing her shower, she dries off and goes over to the countertop where the fresh set of clothes lay.
She wasn’t sure if it was kind or if it was weird that somehow all the clothes were her size even down to the bra. One thing that she did find was her crossbody bag, she tore into the bag and was grateful that whoever put it there hadn’t been thoughtful enough to actually go through it because in it she found her “weapon.” Now all she needed was a reason for one of the twins to get close enough to her. Inspiration struck when she was struggling to get the bra hooks to line up. Quickly, she finished getting dressed, leaving her bra unhooked.
She grabbed the shirt and hid the laser pointer she found in it. Pretending to struggle with hooking her bra, Kore exited the bathroom. She was relieved to find that the twins were still in the room. This is going to work, just commit to it, she thought to herself.
“Excuse me,” Kore said bashfully, “I’m really struggling to get this hooked on right, could one of you help me please?”
Both twins were too stunned to speak. Oh shit, this isn’t going to work, this would’ve worked better if they were women, Kore thought, cursing herself for not coming up with a better plan.
Kieran was the first to snap out of it, stuttering, “S-sure t-thing, miss.”
Kieran approached Kore apprehensivly and she turned around so he could help. While he was struggling for his life trying to clasp a simple bra, Kore was pulling her “weapon” out of her shirt.
Quickly she turns around and points the object at his head, “Here’s what’s going to happen: you’re going to give me your weapons and let me walk out of here or else.”
“Or else what,” Kieran, the one she had hostage, spoke up - with genuine curiosity. Kore shot him an incredulous look and composed herself quickly.
“Have you heard of the Xt-7, the Hunters Association’s latest weapon?” she asked, pressing the small object further into Kieran’s neck. She didn’t wait for a response before she continued, “It’s a high-powered laser that can penetrate your skin and vaporize your blood.” It was that that caused Luke to kick his weapon over to her and Kieran dropped his weapon to the floor. “The good news is that it’s quick and painless. The bad news is that you’ll be losing a lot of blood from your neck, are you squeamish?”
“Did we say that you weren’t allowed to leave?” Luke asked, Kore hesitated, “You’re free to go at any time.”
“We were never holding you hostage,” Kieran said shakily, still believing the laser pointer to be a threat to his life.
“Oh…” Kore mumbled, lowering the laser pointer slightly, “I’m still taking your weapons, but then you’re free to go.” True to her word, she picked up the duo’s guns and lowered the pointer. She then fixed her bra herself, Kieran had tried but clearly he has never touched a bra in his life. Pulling on her shirt, she heads towards the door.
“People are looking for you, you know,” One of the twins starts, “People more dangerous than us.” Kore can’t help but scoff at his words.
“And even if you escape, you’ll only get lost in no-man’s-land,” the other twin adds. Despite their warnings, the twins willingly gave Kore directions out of the building.
“As a gift, why don’t you guys have this,” Kore said, handing over her “weapon.” Luke took it from her hand eagerly and Kore opened the door, he thanked her profusely for giving them a confidential weapon from the Hunter’s Association. Both of the twins were marveling at the small object and on her way out the door Kore said with a gleeful grin, “It’s a laser pointer.”
As soon as she left the room, Kieran was already informing their boss that she was awake.
“How far do you think she’ll get before he finds her? A hundred meters?” Luke said.
“I bet not even ten,” Kieran responded.
“I’ll say five, then.”
Huh, it was really that easy, Kore thought to herself as she entered the hall, its former opulence on display. Trickles of daylight from other rooms was the only thing that illuminated the way. At least I know it’s daytime, she thought.
Opting to ignore the directions that she had been given, she roamed the halls making a mental map of the building. The guns she took off the twins in her waistband dug into her hip as she walked. She had yet to regain her strength, her muscles ached with every step she made. She took short breaks periodically, justifying it in her mind as creating a more detailed map of the mansion while she braced up against the wall.
At one of these stops Kore’s mind started to wander to the last thing she remembered before she woke up in that bed. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had hallucinated parts of it, she couldn’t picture smoke having the power to lift a fully grown man into the air like that. Her speculation was cut short when she caught movement in her periphery.
With a caw a large crow flew over top her head, as if it was trying to get her attention. As usual, curiosity got the best of her and she followed the bird to see where it went. The bird navigated the halls with familiarity, taking her back to where she started and closer to where Luke and Kieran said the exit was. Just when she was catching up to the crow, it made a sharp right entering a room through the transom window.
She heard the end of a conversation as it stopped abruptly, another door opened and closed with the sound of fading footsteps. The door she stood in front of was ajar, she could have sworn it was closed earlier. She didn’t know what, but something was pulling her to the room, almost like she needed it to survive.
“Come in,” a deep voice said from inside, “I don’t bite.” The voice sounded familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. After a moment’s hesitation, Kore entered the room.
As soon as she stepped through the door she felt a force pulling at the hem of her shirt. Before she knew it the guns she had confiscated were pulled from her waistband and flew across the room in a cloud of smoke, ending in the hands of the only other person in the room.
“It’s not very nice to steal,” the man said, giving the guns to the crow perched on the back of his chair, who took them and flew out the same way it entered, “I would’ve thought the Hunter’s Association would have taught you that.”
She figured out how she knew his voice, he was the one who killed the man who kidnapped her, and kidnapped her in turn. Kore was quite taken aback by the man in front of her, even in the dim light she could tell that he was gorgeous, snow white hair, crimson eyes. His chiseled features were accentuated by the dim lights casting shadows on his face. He sat upon what seemed to function as a throne with a haughty aura surrounding him. This must be him, this must be the leader of Onychinus, Kore thought to herself, This is Sylus.
“You’re one to talk,” Kore scoffed back, still at the room’s edge. The man let out a dark chuckle. Suddenly, the same energy that pulled the weapons away from her was pulling her closer to him until she was standing a few feet in front of Sylus. She looked him in the eyes with every intention to chastise him for moving her like a ragdoll, but then she started to hear voices in her head.
Kill him… Devour him… He’s yours…
Using all her might, she broke eye contact with him and to her relief, the voices stopped. She made note to avoid looking him in the eyes at all costs, lest he get the upper hand. That idea didn’t last for long as the smoke forced her to look at him. This time the voices didn’t appear.
“Is this how you greet an old friend?” The question confused Kore, up until recently she had never seen him in her life. A wave of anger flashed through his expression before quickly being tampered down to the same uncaring aura he held before.
“I take it that you don't remember anything,” Sylus said, something like hurt creeping into his voice. “I suppose it would be time wasted trying to tell you anything. All you need to know is that you and I, we’re the same. True kindred spirits.”
“We’re not the same. You’re a monster,” Kore spat out, “I should kill you where you stand.”
A dark laugh escaped the imposing man and he responded, “You’re lucky I don’t like picking on the weak, Kitten.”
“You killed my family, you bastard,” she screamed, storming up to his dumb chair. For a fraction of a second, Sylus’s eyes widened, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, leaving Kore questioning what she had seen.
Reaching into his waistband he pulled out a gun. He made sure that the gun was loaded and the safety was off before he extended the handle out to her - much more relaxed than he should be.
“Didn’t you want to take my life? Or do your words ring hollow?” Sylus asked her with a steady voice. She was shaking, unable to understand why he was so calm, casually offering for her to shoot him as if it was a benign activity. He patiently held the gun out for her, waiting for her to accept it.
The voices from earlier started chanting in her head once more. Despite her conscious begging her not to, Kore reached out and grabbed the gun, grasping it firmly. She had had so many years of training that firearms were second nature to her at this point, without thinking she pointed the barrel at the center of his eyebrows.
“You think I won’t do it?”
“That’s better," he smiled. “I don’t think you have it in you,” he said, redirecting the gun so it was aiming at his heart. Kore hesitated again, her moral compass speaking louder than the weird voices inside her head.
“Why are you trembling? Has your resolve already begun to falter? You weren’t just bluffing, were you?” His even, condescending tone was really starting to piss her off.
“Do you need some help? Yes? No? Maybe So?” Sylus further patronizing her was the final straw. With a renewed sense of determination and without a second thought, Kore pulled the trigger.
It wasn’t as bloody as she had expected, aiming for the heart. Nonetheless, blood covered both of them as it shot out of his arteries. The recoil had sent them flying apart, Sylus slumped in his chair and Kore stumbled several steps back to the ground. Upon hearing his ragged, gurgly breath, Kore regretted her actions. Just because the man quite literally had asked to be shot didn’t make it right. He may be a heartless killer but it was the government's job to deliver justice, not hers.
“Fuck,” Kore whispered. This time she screamed, “Fuck!”
She scrambled to her feet and ran to him as fast as she could. She applied pressure to his wound, desperately hoping it would stop his bleeding, while mumbling a line of creative curses. When the blood didn’t stop she resorted to pleading, “Don't die, you can’t die yet! I still need you! Shit.”
The man in front of her chuckled. Chuckled! She was trying to save his life, grappling with becoming a killer and he was laughing.
“Are you worried about me?” Sylus managed to choke out. He was insane. Insane.
“Are you crazy,” Kore whisper-shouted at the man, scared of drawing attention to the mess she had made.
“You wanted to take my life. And now you have," he said. Suddenly, waves of black and red smoke converged around the wound, obscuring it from her sight. By the time they disappeared all that remained of the injury was the hole in his shirt and the blood on her hands.
Kore had been quite literally stunned into silence, never having had seen - or even imagined - anything of the sorts before. He chuckled, yet again, at her reaction.
“Have you already figured out how you’ll pay me back?” He said - almost playfully. As expected, he was met with silence. He pushed him off of her and that seemed to bring her back to reality.
“What do you mean?” Kore asked.
“I saved your life and you took mine, it seems like you owe me something in return, does it not?”
She followed his line of logic but didn’t want to give the criminal anything so she stayed silent. Sylus smiled, he knew what game she was playing. He let the two of them bask in silence until she broke.
“Just let me go,” she finally said.
“Oh, Kitten,” he sighed disappointedly, “Do you know how many people are out there looking for you after your little show at The Nest?”
“Better off out there than in here with you,” Kore bit back.
“Are you sure about that, Sweetheart?” he spoke with such condescending certainty that Kore’s resolve started to falter. Sylus patiently watched as her brain weighed her options. When her shoulder deflated in defeat he knew he had won.
“Fine, what do you want?” Kore said dejectedly. She watched as her dejected tone brought a smile to his face - the damn smirk made her want to go for his neck.
“Resonate with me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her resonance wasn’t working. No matter how much they had tried, Kore could not resonate with him. Although there had been a connection there, Sylus had felt it, it was muted as if there were a hundred brick walls blocking it. Now they were on their way to the only person who could fix it.
Riding his motorcycle typically would be enough to clear his head, but with Kore gripping onto him so tightly he couldn’t help but replay their interaction in his head. It was not how he had imagined it would be. Truth be told, it had upset him how she had looked at him with such unfamiliarity, it's not that he had expected her to remember everything but the blank stare she gave hurt.
There was also what she had said about her family, it was hard for him to believe that they were dead, although he couldn’t bring himself to feel any sympathy for Josephine, the news of Caleb’s death rattled him. He hadn’t bothered to correct her that it wasn’t him who did it, but she had been so hellbent he knew he would never be able to change her mind.
“Holy–! Are there no speed limits in the N109 Zone?” he heard Kore’s complaint, muffled by the wind, and chuckled a little to himself. To be honest, he had gone through that corner faster than he should have. He was already on edge, he hadn’t been sleeping well - or at all - since she got here. If he had half a mind he wouldn’t be driving, but these were special circumstances. He needed to get her fixed because, clearly, there is something wrong with her.
With his reckless driving they get to the Workshop in no time. Even after he shut off the bike, Kore’s eyes were still pinned shut in fear. Sylus forced her arms off from around his waist and dismounted the motorcycle.
“There’s no need to be dramatic. Now, get off,” he said to her. To his relief she didn’t protest and joined him as they walked to a large, abandoned looking building. Before Kore could reach for the door Sylus grabbed her arm, halting her in her tracks.
“If you want to stay out of trouble, behave yourself once we get inside, got it?” Sylus said, waiting for her nod before he opened the door.
“Go away, we’re closed,” a male voice said from deep in the building. Sylus chuckled at the insinuation and continued walking, dragging Kore along with him.
“I said we’re cl- Oh, Mr Sylus, welcome,” the man’s tone did a 180 when he realized who the intruder was. He had been busy working on a machine of some sort before they got there.
“You don’t normally do unannounced visits, what’s the occasion,” Jack asked. He seemed to notice Kore for the first time, after wiping his hands clean of grease he extended one out to her and said, “Hello, I’m Jack.”
“No time for introductions. Something is wrong with her evol, fix her.” Sylus said gruffly before a dark smirk overtook his handsome face, “actually, I brought you a guinea pig. It is past time for the Evol Linkage Alteration Project to have a living test subject.”
Kore’s eyes widened, she was about to protest but when Sylus threw her a deadly glare she knew this was not a fight she was going to win. That didn’t stop her body from showing that now she was on high alert. Sylus nearly chuckled to himself when he noticed her scanning their surroundings for anything that could help her out of the situation.
“I'll see what I can do,” Jack nodded, walking over to an intimidating array of equipment, “I will have to run some tests first. Come over here, Miss.”
Sylus hoped that once whatever was wrong with her evol was fixed he could find out once and for all if she was the one he shared fragments of the same aether core with. He knew that typically aether cores, being as powerful as they were, were often split into multiple parts before being implanted. He was itching to know the truth, almost as much as he was itching for her not to hate him.
“What happened while I was away?” Sylus inquired in a calculated move.
While hooking Kore up to the machines, Jack said what Sylus already knew - what he wanted Kore to hear - that he wasn’t responsible for her family’s deaths. Jack, unknowingly, aided his case further by outright saying that he was the scapegoat for the attacks in Linkon.
The entire time Jack spoke Sylus kept his eyes trained on Kore’s facial expressions, watching as they moved from uninterested to taken aback. He smiled lightly to himself, it seemed like it was working.
“Are you saying that someone else was behind the explosions?” Kore butted in. Her daring behavior was something that Sylus was still getting used to, but he couldn’t say that he didn’t enjoy it.
“Oh dear, you look upset.” Sylus said, trying to keep the gloating tone from his voice, “I didn’t know that you were the type to swallow a lie that makes you feel better instead of looking for the truth. Although, I suppose I should have expected that from a hunter.”
Kore opened her mouth, clearly ready to fire something back at him when Jack spoke, “I’m afraid that she isn’t a suitable recipient. Her Evol Linkage is normal, only its strength has been suppressed.”
The news that her evol was suppressed didn’t surprise Sylus in the slightest, he had been expecting that to be the case after the third time they couldn’t resonate. He was pretty sure that he knew the answer to his question but decided to ask anyway, “Did someone put in a suppressor?”
“Nothing that I could find,” Jack said, before breaking eye contact, “I don’t think it’s physical.”
“I can resonate with others just fine. I don’t know what they issue with you is,” Kore butted in, yet again. Sylus’s nostrils flared, she was getting on his nerves. Suddenly, an idea formed in his mind.
“And that thing I asked you to alter… How’s that?” He questioned, hinting at the wanderer he had gotten his hands on. It was a risk he was willing to take, plus he would be right there if anything were to happen.
“Are you sure about this, Mr. Sylus,” Jack asked worriedly. Sylus nodded. Jack pressed some buttons and a door opened revealing a large wanderer.
Kore’s entire body showcased the shock and horror of seeing the subdued wanderer. He hadn’t come here with the intent of seeing how she fought, but it couldn’t hurt to see how she reacted to an opponent, especially when she was caught off guard.
Kore was still covered in his blood from when she had shot him. That won’t do, he thought to himself, the wanderer had been trained not to touch him and her covered in his blood would confuse the creature. With a simple wave of his hand, his evol cleansed her of the dried blood.
“You said that it was only her strength that was suppressed, right?,” Sylus said, entirely too calm for the situation, “She just needs a little stimulation then.”
The wanderer was then let loose on Kore. Sylus watched her struggle - it was almost as if she was completely out of her element. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was a fluke or if someone on the UNICORNS team was really this incompetent at their job. Torn between being disappointed at her lackluster job and proud that the wanderer was really able to hold its own against an “elite” hunter.
It was quickly realized that she was not ready for this level of opponent, if the fight continued any longer she would be killed. Jack expressed his concern and Sylus had the wanderer called off, disappointed in the outcome of the experiment.
“It’s a shame your evol has deteriorated into its current state,” Sylus sighed. It used to be incredible, he thought
“What the actual fuck was that Sylus?” Kore was fuming, Jack winced at her words, he was far too close for her scream.
“Resonate with me,” Sylus said, grabbing her hand.
“No! Why would I resonate with you of all people,” Kore protested, wrenching her hand out from his.
“Just do what I tell you to for one second,” Sylus countered
“I will never listen to you
Much to Sylus’s disappointment, their connection was even weaker than it had been before.
“Run the tests again, fix her,” he instructed Jack, who looked like he was debating saying something, “What is it Jack?”
“There might be another reason why she can’t resonate,” Jack said looking uncomfortable, “...her evol is special. It utilizes the waves generated by the human brain’s magnetic field. It is possible that her brain’s magnetic field produces repulsive waves against you. That is likely why she can’t resonate with you?”
Sylus gave him a get-to-the-point glare and Jack fumbled with his hands, “To make a long story short… on a subconscious level, either she’s rejecting you, scared of you, or… disgusted by you. Even if she were to undergo alteration, you wouldn’t be able to resonate with her so long as she’s still hostile towards you.”
That felt like a punch to the gut to Sylus, even if she had forgotten him, he hoped that she wouldn’t hate him – and hate him so much that it prevented them from resonating. He was quick to suppress the emotion though, never letting the impartial mask slip.
“And Mr Sylus,” Jack said, snapping him back from thought, “if we were to go through with the alteration and it were to fail, she would be completely ruined. We need to address the root of the cause before we can go any further.
“By the way! I have an evol stabilizer in the storage cabinet. I can make her use it and we’ll see if that helps,” Jack said before pulling Kore away.
As soon as the pair left the room, Sylus’s phone began to ring. He picked it up and Luke was on the other end, “Mr Sylus, Sherman’s men attacked sooner than we anticipated.”
Sylus sighed. Great, another thing for him to have on his plate, he thought. He had Luke provide him with what information they had and it turned out that the attack was nearby. Sylus wasn’t originally intending on abandoning Kore at the worksop, but now he had no choice, he’d come back for her later.
Sylus instructed Mephisto to keep an eye on her before starting back up his bike and riding away. However, he wasn’t counting on her to find her way to the scene of the crime.
a/n: idk why i like writing sleep deprived characters, we gonna try and get them on a consistent sleep schedule soon (not really lol)
#after ever fanfiction#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads#lads fanfic#l&ds sylus#l&ds#love and deepspace#love and deepspace fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#i wrote this#love and deepspace fanfiction#sylus fanfic#lnds sylus#sylus love and deepspace#sylus#love and deepspace sylus#sylus qin#lads xavier
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2023 creative year in review! 💦💦
The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.
costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!
the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.
thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.
More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.
like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.
I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.
in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.
for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads
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Hey guys Im struggling so I'm gonna collect my thoughts and feelings with this read more! Feel free to read or scroll, whatever works best for you 💖
HOO okay that shit with my mom yesterday? Infuckingsane. Imagine leaving your kid in the legal guardianship of the kids best friends mom, never checking back in to see how your kid is doing, only passively via a TEXT to said kid. Mind you they left me 1500 miles away while they took their new baby to raise with HIS family. Oh mind you the whole reason they had to leave was because they were a year behind in rent and didn't make any effort to put money towards that, only to buy physical things for themselves. Before they left they went out of their way to make sure they had a Christmas FULL of gifts but NOTHING FOR ME!!! I had to buy my own food with child support money, I had to figure out how to pay activity fees (what they make you pay to join a sport or activity in American high school) without a job, and when I BEGGED to be put in drivers ed? I was told no. Because they "couldn't afford it."
So for my mother to have the AUDACITY to send me a picture of some strangers dashboard with fucking pokemon plushies in it, then say "I can see you and your sister doing this with your cars"???? I tried to be fucking civil and say "maybe!" And SHE JUST HAD TO FUCKING ASK WHY NOT. oh mind you immediately after that she sends me another unrelated sign about shoplifting that she saw recently. (Which was probably a jab at me, based on a memory I have where I wanted something at walmart, her partner said no, so she told me to "just take it" because her partner "accidentally" stole something from Walmart the week prior. Of course I got caught by a secret shopper. I left evidence. I was a child. I told the shopper my mom told me to and she lied. Not even for me. She lied and said she didn't tell me to steal it.)
The fact that I can literally take 3 hours to remove my own emotional charge, before replying to her saying "Driving is a touchy subject for me. Between 3 adults whose responsibility was to take care of me, not one of them found it necessary to teach me how to drive."
And she just hits me with "that sucks" like she didn't leave me after "raising me" for 16 years.
She takes such pride in perpetuating her generational cycle (not really but thats how it feels) She didn't get taught to drive so why should she teach her daughter? My sister isn't old enough for drivers ed yet so idek if she'll bother with her.
Sometimes I wish my mom did hard drugs. At least then I'd have something to explain this behavior. But no. She's sober. Always has been. She's just like this. Like I get that trauma explains her behavior. But holy fucking shit I wish she at least fucking liked me A LITTLE BIT. Idek why she bothers talking to me (eh probably because she used me as emotional support in youth and is grappling at strings when she's struggling)
What really has me fucked up today is this is just my surface level of issues. I haven't even touched on how I am yet again wearing my hair in a hat just for some semblance of peace and not hearing snide comments from small towners. How every time someone has done that weird midwest thing where they say "how's it going" after you say "hello" I've been telling them Im bad. Because why lie? You asked. I'm not good today. Haven't been for a minute.
My brain does this thing where she wants to go back to escapism when I feel like this, and I am once again wanting to do dxm/drugs. I want so badly to give in just for a night but I've also been doing so well at not touching it.
Im so angry. Im so sad. Im so tired.
Lol I had to pause from this to help a customer who hit me with the "sorry to bother you" like omfg bitch you asked me if im doing better today and I said no. Then you tried to force small talk by asking me if I use the rewards program of the store we're both at??? Like please i don't do personal questions in the workplace. And bitch it's not you that's a bother but if you say that shit to me again im gonna tell you "my mother fucking hates me, doesn't even like me. Nothing you have done. But there ya go
ohhHHHHHH OMG some guy tried to trauma dump on me about his job next door so I just ficking said "my mom hates me." He kept trying to talk about himself and I said "she left mebwhen I was 16 and still thinks she can talk to me" like bro idgaf about you or your employees FUCK OFF
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