#im so sorry to every one of you who ever ask about broad religion

[cain-e-brookman]

For the WIP Q&A, I'd love to hear about the gods of your world and/or the religious system overall!

thanks for the ask! so this is a big one. the best answer i can give is most worship of a god is really based on where you live.

The Mage Kingdoms are obvious, as the main worship would be of the Mages' patron god (there are eight: Laeses, Raschic, Nybiegh, Oiena, Japhine, Uensine, Ynorr, and Ysydia; Force, Light, Shadow, Water, Fire, Healing/Plant, Stone, and Sky, respectively.) Depending on the country and how overreaching their religion is, someone who's not a Mage would be more likely to worship a more local god (lesser god, or a house god,) as opposed to one of the major or even minor gods. I've spoken about the Marshes, and how it's not really an option to worship Nybiegh, but the humans in, say Pelyra, don't have to pay any real tribute to the Sky God outside of a "hey, your force helped save us from the Fae Empires, so thanks for that, homie. Also appreciate all you do in holding the sun and moons and stars up. Pretty cool. And thanks for sometimes reigning in your more stormy kids. My crops appreciate that."

Minor gods may get a festival here and there, but most of them are more things of folktales and superstitions, (watch your hubris, the Trickster takes advantage of arrogance and a lack of caution, don't leave any kill to rot on the ground because their anger will call the Goddess of Revenge, and she'll create wasps from their carcass, etc etc.)

Lesser and house gods absolutely have more day to day worship of the common folk. A forest god who lives in the hollowed tree may receive prayers for light snow that year, or safe passage into town. A house god who's followed a bloodline for generations may get the first cut of meat at dinner. I have a story in my current wip about two gods who protect the one town the Goddess of the Wild allowed in her mountains, and how their opposite energies defend and nurture the town. The entrance to the town has a statue of each, and the stone on them is worn from people placing their hands on them as the enter.

The only thing that really spans across the nations of Tangera is that the collection of the major gods freed them from the shackles of the Fae Empires, and they're very glad for the whole pantheon, (even Aeriessa has gotten a better name for herself after she got knocked down many many pegs. Not a much better name, proven by her cult in Bhréchin, but a bit better.) Certain tributes to certain gods are compulsory unless you're very foolish, like leaving an offering for Ynorr, Goddess of Stone, before going underground, or praying to Oiena before traveling by sea, but any actual worship is only a big deal if the individual wants it to be, or lives somewhere where religious practices aren't an option.

[queerprayers]

I have had a text all thought out to ask but I forgot about it before I gotten around to ask, so im sorry if this isn't coherent. Mostly I just want to ask about (queer) Christianity and your connection to it and faith? I dont really know how to phrase it so its not a really broad question because thats probably really hard to answer? This is kinda a mess, im sorry. I've just been thinking about faith a lot? Not necessarily faith in a Christian God or even any god? I dont know? Its fine if you dont know what to say and you dont have to answer this because its a mess.

I hope you have a nice day!

Sorry it took me a little bit to get this-- it’s not at all because of your wording. I think I get what you’re trying to say don’t worry! If I don't mention something you wanted me to, just let me know!

So I grew up Lutheran Christian, going to church every single week, having daily prayers, the whole thing. My parents are both musicians and participated a lot in local worship events. I was baptized as an infant and had a confirmation ceremony when I was 12. Like most people who grew up religious, it was just obvious/given that I participated. I didn't exactly have a choice.

I started questioning my sexuality/realizing I was "different" when I was 13. I was beginning to struggle with mental illness as well, and those things combined sent me into a really dark place. (I won't go into details, because I don't think it'd be helpful and I don't want to trigger people.)

Like most people, I assumed I had to choose between my sexuality and my faith. At age 14-15 I started accepting that I couldn't change my sexuality, and I started growing apart from my faith. I never doubted that God existed, but I doubted that They loved me. And so I didn't grow distant from God because I didn't think there was one, but because I didn't see a point in trying to grow close to someone who didn't care about me.

I only really discovered that gay Christians even existed when I was 16, and it completely changed my life. I discovered the blog Queer Theology, and I finally felt like there was a place for me.

I'm 19 now, and every day I'm grateful that I've found a way to exist as both queer and a Christian. In the past few years I've read so many books and followed so many people online and worked on carving out a place for myself. And in the past year, as I've been thinking about my gender more, and improving in emotional health, I've grown so close to my faith. I see myself in the Bible more than ever, and I see myself in the "secular world" more than ever.

Queerness and Christianity are so connected for me? The contradictions, the standing up for the oppressed and ourselves, the living and loving and believing in ourselves and each other? I personally can't talk about one without talking about the other. Especially as I've been questioning my gender, I'm realizing that without my faith, I wouldn't be able to do this as freely and comfortably as I am. I know I'm made in God's image, and that my gender is an expression of that, and as I'm realizing I like they/she pronouns, I'm so thankful that God is supporting me in that and that I'm following in the footsteps of countless female saints who also were more connected to God than their womanhood, or who are only women through God.

It's lovely that you're thinking about faith-- take as much time as you need. Faith is messy and confusing and emotional and that's because it's human! Take time to explore, read, write, listen to people's experiences, maybe realize that there's so much queerness is God's existence and love. And if you find your way to somewhere else besides Christianity, or to no religion at all, that's okay too! I don't begrudge anyone their own exploration and existence. Curiosity and incoherent exploration are holy.

Whatever it means to you, I am praying for you and wishing you comfort and grace as you think about stuff like this! You're welcome to ask anything you're wondering about to me-- I think I could talk forever? I just have so much to say about stuff!

Much love, Johanna

[sagemoderocklee]

∞ 🌻

as per my last fill of these prompts, im super sorry i left this sitting in my inbox for a million years :( this one isn’t tied to any greater idea i’ve been mulling over, but it did end up longer than anticipated so i’m breaking it up into two parts because it’s taken me much longer than i expected! i’ll try to get the next part out tomorrow! and i’ll probably polish it up and post it to ao3 since it’s so long lol

originally for:  PUT A “∞” IN MY ASK BOX AND I’LL SHUFFLE MY MUSIC PLAYER AND GIVE YOU MY FAVORITE LYRIC FROM THE SONG THAT COMES UP.

[ao3 // kofi]

---

song: Sunlight by Hozierlyrics: At last can grant a name/’til buried in a burning flame/is love in its decisive pain, oh my/sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

---

There it was again: warmth suffusing him; an awareness of his heart beating, rapid and uncontained, a wild wind in his chest; his eyes rooted to the shape of the Sun, human and solid, standing before him as a man--not divine, yet wholly and inexplicably empyrean. 

It was impious. Not that Gaara was particularly concerned with the superfluous rules of Suna’s religions, but he’d also never had reason before to compare the mundane to the divine. 

Considering Rock Lee mundane felt like more of an insult to the gods than comparing one of their own to Rock Lee. 

He shook the thought--and all other’s relating to Rock Lee and their accompanied feelings--away, forcing his heart to return to its normal rhythm with practiced ease. “Rock Lee.” He greeted Lee with a faint smile and a small nod, exactly the same way he’d done every visit for the last five years. Lee was not the Sun, he was just a man--an extraordinary man, certainly, but a man. 

“Kazekage-sama.” Lee’s radiant smile insisted that Gaara’s summation of Lee was inaccurate--or at the very least lacking. “It is good to see you. I did not expect to see you today.” 

“I had some free time.” He hadn’t. Though he was never behind on work, there was always work to do. He’d simply decided to skip it. 

“That is excellent news!” Lee’s round eyes closed, his smile broad with his joy. 

“I take it your journey was easy,” Gaara said, ignoring Lee’s smile and the warmth that refused to leave his chest. “You made good time.” 

“I did!” Lee agreed with a laugh. “There was a sandstorm just past the boarder, but I had no trouble after that. I was hoping to beat my record, but I think I missed it by a hair.” 

“You came close,” Gaara confirmed. “If you’d been twenty minutes earlier.”

Lee punched the air, his mouth a determined line. “Then I shall just beat it on my return journey!” 

“No self-inflicted punishment for not making it here earlier?” 

Lee shook his head, dropping his fist in defeat. “Unfortunately there is no time. Well, I suppose there is--but I would much rather spend it with you!” 

There it was again, haunting him, hunting him. That feeling bit at his heels, chasing him down, wearing him out. He wanted to curl a fist into the fabric of his robes and yank his wretched heart from his chest. 

“How long before you have to leave?” he asked instead. 

“I only have until tomorrow.” Lee’s shoulders had dropped until he looked like a wilting flower, despondent in the midst of a dry season, wanting for rain where there was none. 

“Perhaps you can spare more time on your return to Konoha,” Gaara offered. 

“Are you sure?” Lee asked, perking up. 

“You’re always welcome here.” They’d done this countless times. Gaara could almost predict this particular exchange. Lee never wanted to impose, never wanted to assume, but he always wanted to stay for as long as Gaara would have him. 

Gaara would have kept him forever if he could. 

The thought--sudden and complete clarity--lodged itself somewhere at the front of his mind, shimmering its truth in front of Gaara, like glass casting rainbows upon a wall. 

He kept his expression neutral, flat, quiet, but the realization had inspired a tempest in his mind. 

“Do you want to grab lunch?” Lee asked, unaware of Gaara’s turmoil, and continuing to cast radiant smile after radiant smile in Gaara’s direction--mocking him, tormenting him, beckoning him.

“I promised Temari I’d eat lunch at home today.” 

Like clockwork, Lee’s smile dimmed, like clouds rolling by to obscure the sun. “Oh, of course. I would hate to interrupt family time.” 

“You know you’re welcome to join us. Temari would be insulted if you didn’t stop by, and Ruri will be happy to see you.” 

Lee’s smile returned, as if on cue, and his eyes filled with tears. “Ruri-chan! I could not leave without saying hello to her! Is she still teething?” 

“Most of her teeth have come in by now,” Gaara said. “There are still some issues, but Temari and Shikamaru manage it well.” 

“I would expect nothing less from them!” Lee declared. “Ruri-chan is lucky to have such devoted parents! And such caring uncles,” he added, glancing to Gaara. “Is Kankurou-san around?” 

Gaara snorted, shaking his head with amusement. “He should be--along with one of his friends.” 

Lee blushed, vibrant and high on his cheeks. “O-oh, I thought he stopped bringing his uh... friends by?” 

“He did,” Gaara confirmed. “But he insists this one is serious.” 

“How is Temari-san handling that?” 

“In stride. I believe she’s hopeful.” 

“And you?” 

“I don’t have any thoughts on the matter. What Kankurou gets up to in the bedroom isn’t my concern, so long as it doesn’t have any impact on Ruri--and as far as Ruri is concerned, he’s in agreement. I think he’s trying with this one, but I’m not an expert on romance--” His stomach dropped, a knot forming in his chest where his heart should have been. He glanced to Lee’s earnest face, his gaze glued to Gaara as he hung on his every word. 

“For Kankurou-san’s sake, I hope he finds someone who truly makes him happy,” Lee said with all the sincerity of a hopeless romantic--which Gaara knew him to be, though he’d never understood it. “Love is a wondrous thing, in all its forms! It would be a shame if he did not find that special someone!” 

Gaara couldn’t help wondering, his stomach curdling, if Lee had found that special someone. “A shame indeed,” was all Gaara could think to say. 

By the time they reached his home, in the south-west section of Suna, built into the walls of the plateau, Gaara and Lee had fallen silent. To Gaara, it felt heavy with unspoken intention, and he worried that Lee would sense what he’d discovered. 

It was an irrational fear--Lee, for all that he was a wonderful man and a skilled shinobi, was not known for his observation skills. 

Inside, the smell of simmering meat and fresh fruit filled the air, and the sounds of a babbling toddler echoed from the kitchen. Beside him, Lee sighed, content and sad all at once. 

“It smells wonderful,” he said, voice light. “It is always so nice being here.” 

“Do I hear Rock Lee?” Temari called. 

“Did you hear that, Ruri-chan?” Shikamaru cooed. “Uncle Lee’s here.” 

The excited squeal that followed told Gaara that Lee was most likely going to spend lunch with a baby in his lap. He smiled to himself, his own contentment purring like a cat in his chest. 

“Ruri-chan!” Lee exclaimed, entering the kitchen, arms thrown wide, just like his smile. “Did you miss me?” 

Ruri babbled excitedly, holding her arms up and waving her hands in Lee’s direction. “Iiiii! Iiii!” She hadn’t quiet figured out all her sounds yet, and Lee’s name was only a series of high-pitched shrieks, which never failed to bring tears to his eyes. 

Lee scooped her up without a moment’s hesitation, and was met with an enthusiastic, slobbery, open-mouthed kiss to the cheek. 

“Careful, she’s got most of her teeth by now.” Shikamaru handed Lee a cloth, smiling up at his daughter from the table. “How was your trip?” 

“Excellent!” Lee declared, wiping at the spittle on his cheek. “I almost beat my record!” 

“He missed it by twenty minutes,” Gaara added. 

“And yet you’ve graced us with your company before a rigorous workout?” Temari asked, the arch notes of her voice belied by the amused smile on her face. “Kankurou’s just finishing up in his workshop--oh, and he has a friend--well, I suppose a girlfriend.”

“Her name’s Kougen,” Shikamaru cut in, coming to his wife’s rescue. “She’s from the Puppet Brigade, so I have to assume he’s serious about her.” 

Lee listened intently, bouncing Ruri on his hip while Shikamaru brought him up to speed on Kankurou’s love life, Ruri’s progress (to which Ruri had much to say), and the general happenings in the village. Gaara watched from the other side of the kitchen, his eyes trained on Lee’s expression and his heart in this throat. 

“Gaara, can you help me?” Temari asked from the pantry, pulling him from his contemplation of Lee. He forced his gaze away from the smile on Lee’s face, and followed Temari’s voice into the pantry. 

“What do you need?” 

Temari snorted a laugh. “Nothing. Just saving you from embarrassing yourself.” She held out a jar of preserved lemons, shaking it at him vigorously. “I know Lee’s not the brightest, but he’s not an idiot--you know should know that by now.” 

“What are you talking about?” Gaara bit off, heat rising in his face. 

Temari thrust the jar of lemons into Gaara’s chest. “Don’t play dumb. First of all, I’m your big sister; second, I am literally your diplomatic liaison.” 

Gaara clutched at the jar, staring into Temari’s amused and exasperated expression. “What--what are you talking about?” 

Temari’s expression softened, her smile slipping. “Gaara, I know how you feel--”

Gaara stepped closer, his eyes going wide. “I--”

Temari held up a hand, cutting him off. “You don’t have to talk about it, and I’m not judging you. I know it’s...complicated,” she said delicately, “but if you ever want to tell him, I’m here for you.” 

Gaara rarely found himself caught off guard or speechless. He swallowed, holding the jar of lemons closer, as if to protect himself as he said, “I...only just realized.” 

Temari opened her mouth, then closed it with a snap. “You’re joking.” 

Gaara gave her a flat, unamused look.

“Winds damn me for opening my big mouth. Gaara, I’m so sorry. I really thought you knew--I mean, all these years of him coming over--he’s practically family!” she whispered frantically. 

“He’s our friend.” 

“Yes, he is. But you also stare at him like the Moon herself sent him here,” she said. “I just thought you weren’t ready.” 

“I wasn’t,” Gaara said. 

“What made you realize?” 

Gaara shook his head, closing his eyes at the memory of his treacherous thoughts. 

“Never mind,” Temari said, allowing him to keep this for himself. “I’m sorry I even brought it up.” She grabbed another jar of spices, shooing him from the pantry. 

“--show coming up,” Kankurou was saying, leaning over the chair Kougen was sitting in, one hand idly playing with a loose strand of her hair. 

“I wish I could see it,” Lee said. “It sounds as though the Genin have put quite a lot of effort into it!” 

“The kids are great,” Kougen said. “I think this is our best group of Genin in a while. Last year, a lot of the new ones weren’t interested in performing.” 

“Kids these days,” Kankurou grumbled, a cheeky grin on his face. “Hey, sis. Hey, Gaara.” 

Kougen jumped up suddenly, bowing in greeting. “Kazekage-sama, Temari-sama.” 

Behind him, Temari sighed. “Kougen, how many times do we have to tell you that’s not necessary?” 

Kougen blushed, returning to her seat. “I’m sorry. Old habits.” 

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, babe,” Kankurou muttered. “Lee still calls Gaara by his title, and they’ve been dancing around each other for years.” 

“Kankurou,” Temari snapped, teeth bared. “Help. Me. Cook.” 

“What? But it’s not my turn--” Catching the look on Temari’s face, Kankurou’s mouth closed with an audible clack. “Right. Helping.” 

At the table, Lee was beet red, staring at a particular spot on the wood, mouth pressed into a thin line. He was so focused, he barely acknowledged Ruri as she tugged on his hair, her tiny hands holding onto the black strands in tight fists. 

“So, Lee,” Kougen said, her voice tight as Gaara found a seat at the table. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I mean, everyone in Suna knows who you are, of course, but rumors are so different from actually knowing someone, aren’t they?” 

“There are rumors about me?” Lee asked, still looking at the table. Ruri gave a decisive tug that did nothing to make Lee move, though he did finally look up. 

“Well, everyone knows about your fight against the Kazekage during the Chuunin exams, and we all know you visit often. You’re a bit of an urban legend. The--oh, what is it they call you in Konoha? The Beast?” 

“The Beautiful Blue Beast,” Lee corrected. His gaze slid from Kougen to Gaara, but he quickly looked away when he met Gaara’s gaze. 

“That’s right!” she said with a slap to the table. “I try not to listen to rumors too much, but you do have an impressive reputation here.” 

The flush in Lee’s cheeks from earlier returned, softer than before, and a pleased smile eased the tight line of his mouth. “Well, I hope it is a positive impression.” 

“Absolutely! Any friend of the Kazekage is welcome in Suna,” Kougen declared. 

They passed the next thirty minutes with idle chatter while Temari berated Kankurou behind them in hushed tones and finished preparing lunch. Once lunch was served, Ruri was returned to her highchair so Lee could properly eat, though she cried for the first five minutes until Lee scooted closer and offered to feed her. 

Kankurou glared at his lunch, mullish over Ruri’s clear favoritism. Though he would never admit it, Kankurou had wanted desperately to be the fun uncle. 

By the end of lunch, Gaara knew he’d pushed his luck and was bound to return to his office and an even larger stack of paper work than when he’d first decided to shirk his duties in favor of seeing Lee. He weighed the consequences of pushing his work til later, knowing Lee only had until the morning, but decided against the obviously irresponsible choice. 

Lee had hardly looked at him since his return from the pantry, and Gaara was sure that he would have time to see Lee on his way back to Konoha. 

“I should return to the office,” Gaara announced, voice low so as not to disturb Ruri, who had passed out in Lee’s arms. 

Lee looked up at him, the sunshine in his smile fading like the sun setting beneath the horizon. “Already?” 

“Unfortunately,” Gaara confirmed. “I’ll be sure to see you off before you leave.” 

“I would like that.” 

Gaara held onto the image of Lee smiling up at him for the rest of the night, keeping it close for warmth in the absence of the Sun.