#im so scared of conflict
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“you didn’t say anything tho” IM TOO SCARED TO
#i’m not even a mean person#genounely#like#you can walk all over me#and that’s a bad thing#i shouldn’t let people#but i do#i can’t do arguments#i can’t stand up for myself#it’s pathetic#but idk how to fix it#im so scared of conflict#and people being mad at me
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been thinking about something wicked a little too much lately. no harm in romanticizing the ominous dreadful unstoppable force
#ultrakill#v1#v1cked#<- unsure if ive ever officially decided that was the tag id be using but i dont recall anyone else having an idea for it#v1 and something wicked... ouhehehe#in a game like this... with conflict and violence and unceasing demand for a spectacle it is a step back to have v1 find themselves in a-#dark and quiet labyrinth belonging to a force that scares even them#idk. i think about it. its so unlike everything v1 has gone through thus far (though albeit not much as 0-S is in prelude. but i assume-#-there was some killing before they decided to drop down)#maybe it reminds them of their home? where they were built? light humming of wicked passing feels like the buzzing of bright artificial-#-lights that were routinely shined down on them for maintenance#a strange but welcome connection...#and something wicked is very lonely. i dont think it has much of an issue with this seeing as it knows its maze so so well.. im sure it-#-cares for it extensively. but a machine? coming here? i wonder if something wicked has the ability to interact with the terminals at all#terminals do really only talk to machines#but this one seems quite lonely. i dont think itd mind if something wicked happened to take a look#ok im done#gen art
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what even was the point of wanting to make helluva about 'messy romance and complex characters' if they can't commit to that at even the most basic level. the narrative will just decide that a character has done wrong without explaining what or how, it'll completely ignore or justify legitimately dubious things, it's so desperate to tell you exactly how to feel about certain characters...
stella's dialogue is so cartoonishly on-the-nose evil and she has no actual motivations. none of stolas' mistakes are acknowledged until now, 2 seasons in (and even then, they're trying to justify them), half the stolitz-related conflicts are almost comically childish. blitz yelled at stolas, which is mean. instead of looking at this with nuance, blitz is in the wrong, and stolas is not. there is a wrong party and a right party, every time. there are no shades of grey.
where's the complexity? these characters range from cardboard to slightly thicker cardboard with maybe a drawing of a frowny face on it, except the frowny face changes colours every time you look at it because the writers worship inconsistencies.
#helluva boss critical#if your character driven show has boring or bland characters im going to be mean about it!! im sorry!!!#i love weird messy shitty characters honestly. helluva i am BEGGING YOU!!#they're so scared of you liking or disliking the 'wrong' character#they want to tell you how to feel so badly. dont get invested in stella. she is bad.#stolas isnt doing anything wrong. you shuold like stolas. he is good.#we havent actually written many of blitz mistakes into the narrative. the ones that exist are dumb#but hes actually very flawed. we'll tell you this no matter how dumb or not at all his fault the conflicts are. because#-checks notes- hes bojack horseman apparently#i love falling down stairs. recreationally. i do this for fun
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Yk I never did truly recover from the sick fic chapter
#one day im gonna make a post overanalyzing every single frame from this chapter bc its just so good#everything from how confused sakura looks at the idea of them coming to visit him when hes sick#to suo suggesting they leave bc he knows them staying here the now will only make him worse/uncomfortable which is the last thing he needs#bc yeah although he shouldn't and doesnt have to hes used to dealing w/ things like this alone#hes convinced he needs to and thats not smth you can just expect to change from one visit#still i need my hurt/comfort sick fic sequel please and thank you#so we can get a full circle of sakuras character development where he actually lets them help/asks for it#and NO im NOT projecting 🙅♀️#i DONT just wanna see my son getting comforted through his sickness when hes at his most vulnerable nuh uh 🙅♀️🙅♀️🙅♀️#wind breaker#wind breaker spoilers#sakura haruka#ALSO ALL THIS ^^ WITHOUT EVEN MENTIONING THE REASON HES SICK IN THE FIRST PLACE LIKE????#MY SON WAS SO EMOTIONALY CONFLICTED AND CONFUSED THAT HE GAVE HIMSELF A FEVER 😭😭😭😭#ALSO also i seriously cannot get iver how scared he looks in the last panel like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#ok im going off in these tags rn i need to stop fr
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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urges to post about my genloss oc and do a completely impulsive rebrand of this blog just to yap about genloss
#km still completely into henry danger#its an on and off interest for like 10 years#but like i kinda wanna post about genloss#and about my ocs#but i know nobody rlly cares about oc content so that like conflicts me a bit#id start a seperate blog but im scared of abandoning one😭😭#anyways ugh i love my ocs sm#generation loss#genloss#oc
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girls we might have a problem (i couldnt sleep last night because i was thinking about her, i havent stopped thinking about her since yesterday, ive been rereading our texts for the past hour)
#this wont be a problem righttttt ahahhaha#no because i already like someone but she just came and crashed it all like girl how dare you#but shes so pretty dude#shes so lovely too she gets me#shes so silly#she makes me feel so pretty#“good night darling” marry me#shes like everything i want ever#i feel so conflicted about this#girlblogging#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#AND SHE LETS ME TALK AND SHE DOESNT FIND ME ANNOYING#LIKE SHES SO AHDHSJSJSSJS#WE HAVE DIFFERENT INTERESTS FOR A LOT OF THINGS BUT SHE ALWAYS LETS ME TALK AB THEM#chat is this infatuation#chat im scared#chat i love her#my princess ୨𖹭୧
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If something happens to him I will kill everyone in the vicinity
#im genuinely so scared for them#i love when we have lil pets#but i always get so scared that something will happen to them#but gods that has so much potential for some good angst#AH DAMN IT IM SO CONFLICTED#romance club#rc#rc the parallel universes bureau#rc parallel universes bureau#rc pub#rc sami
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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I only wanted to sketch her face and then boom, full drawing. I'll take it!!!!
+ I liked the lineart of her face a lot
Typisch comparisons since I can't help myself
First and most recent vs. newest
Also have this little chibi of her I never finished
#me every time i draw one of my ocs: IS THIS THE PRETTIEST WOMAN EVER!?!?!?!?#but her...truly....#NO NO I MUSNT PICK FAVORITES!!!!!#my beloved evil wife#i wanna redesign her clothes at some point cause lawrence inspired me#but im happy with this for now :)#she started as a masked character but i cant stand to hide her face 😭😭 its so fun to draw#she is the god of Saturn btw!!! hence all the rings haha#she is a demon-angel. loves to stoke the conflict btwn the two factions#id let her stro- i mean stoke me#i was a bit scared to draw this cause like. what if it sucks up all my motivation!?!?!?#but it was nice to actually get sucked into a drawing aaaahh its been a bit#and hopefully it will break in my wrist a bit#humble brag but. im always surprised i can draw competently and maybe even better after not drawing for a while#anyways. yes have my beloved <3 her design is sooooooo fun to draw i love it#catie.art.
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i have an entire tor and gor swapping places au in my head but i cant draw
#Im going coo coo over it#Theres just so much like how gorebek would probably be down for the experiments to be strong for dukeage or whatever and then get sent to#Hunt the main crew then the drugs just make him a big scared idiot instead of a badass like he probably wanted lol and then they just have#This super strong angry freak and an alter that gets very sad and scared on witchlight that they just let hang out probably for insider#Info and how strong they are and obviously#I think about the scorched fur i think it would be very crazay especially with a guy that presumably only knows how to be a weapon#Trying to navigate anything emotional wise#Also being fucked up over everything else thats happened to him#Feeling normal and average#I have more to say i said gor only knowing how to be a weapon my brain is filled with torbeks learning he IS a weapon and learning about#Gorbek vs gorbek in swap knowing he is a weapon but barley able to understand his use since tor fronts and being conflicted for the opposit#Reasons torbek never wanting to be used that way and gorebek thinking thats his job ough oiu euthanize me#txt
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wonder where khadgar's been :p
#too scared to post this on twitter for some reason#because the wow gamer dudes will probably find it and think im weird lmfao#khadgar#warcraft#this man does incomprehensible stuff to my brain#he really needs a wardrobe change tho#just dont change his face. he looks so damn fine lol#i made this because i miss him so goddamn much its unreal#he really did just. Abandon Azeroth for two expansions#he saw cosmic conflict and was like “nope. not today. been there done that” lol#to be fair wrathion and anduin kinda took the reins#and sylvanas#maybe its a good thing we dont see much of khadgar#they might just screw him up. in the worst way possible. in terms of writing#anyway ill quit rambling this is a gush post#video#ALSO I KNOW he was in the amirdrassil campaign in the end#was nice to hear him speak and see him interacting with jaina (iirc)#i hope we see him in the world soul saga at some point#probably will... maybe midnight or the last titan#i have a hunch we might see illidan too but who knows
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[ ☁️✶ ]
i heard they were getting popular
i really don't like posting ship art in public but whatever here you go
#adventure forward#adventure forward 2#adventure forward points of conflict#cyalm#shallare#shallare x cyalm#cyalm x shallare#shallyalm#cyllare#im gonna be so fr i am so scared of them becoming popular#also tbh ive never seen another person ship this other than like 3 others
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i won this competition thing at school which was a surprise and i didn't really mean to or care for winning. but sure they liked my design. why not. they want to give me money. great. but now i have to deal with my deadname being plastered all over the place and i sent an email to the company (that chose my design that they're going to make and sell) like hey im going to be changing my name Very soon would it like. be possible to use the new name when talking about me :-) and they answered that it's not possible (i get it if it was for like legal reasons idk) but their wording was very... ??? 'you won the competition as *deadname* so it wouldn't be right to change it' im sorry what. what does it mean it wouldn't be right. what. why. I'd understand if they wouldn't change it for the booklet if they already have them printed out (i did ask if they do. they didn't answer), fair, i get it, that's your money. but they straight up have a whole paragraph on their website that talks about me that she/hers me extensively (i haven't discussed that with them yet i only learned about it yesterday. like bestie that can't be that hard to change). wtf is a mladá umělkyně I'll kill you
#i didn't expect to win at all because i wasn't at the final presentations of the works. Because i didn't want to be misgendered#the teacher who mainly deals with the company is a transphobic ass who hasn't correctly gendered me Once this entire year so#why 😭 i don't want to lose the money but im very much considering just not signing the contract with them#if they don't at least change/remove that thing from their website#this is a completely random very personal vent post about thing one thing that's stressing me out so much currently#i have no idea how things like this work tho so i basically have to trust them with everything they say and just hope#that it's really not possible for serious reasons and not just because someone at that company can't be bothered/is transphobic#I'll officially have a new name in.. possibly two weeks. the thing doesn't come out till may#my friends are like 'you have to deal with this!!! it's not fair“ like honey have you considered im stupid and scared of conflict
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i have to think about chilchuck and laios forever
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#the fact laios is holding back so much anger and he's the one who chilchuck lets out so much of his anger on#like you've seen how many times he beats on him and degrades him and laios just takes it#they're both holding so many secrets from their party like???#chilchuck's entire personal life. laios's interest in monsters and kensuke.#the fact laios somehow hid his interest in eating monsters from the entire party before this???#laios is estranged from his parents and very close with his sister. chilchuck is estranged from his wife and very close with his daughters#chilchuck thinks laios knows him better than anyone else in the party. chilchuck canonically thinks laios is dangerous and unreasonable#which like? reductive but accurate.#laios holds the lives of those he cherishes above all else. the world could go to hell for all he cares as long as those he loves are safe#chilchuck fears intimacy and could never admit how much he values the people around him unless under severe threat#god. i have to read dungeon meshi again. i need to analyze them#one self-sacrificing dumbass and one self-preserving selfish dumbass#laios has problems putting his needs first when it comes to those he loves. i can easily see that conflicting with chilchucks selfishness#i do think after chilchucks failed marriage he would become more hypervigilant in his relationships once he allows himself to date again#like he doesn't necessarily understand what he did wrong but he knows he did something#god the irony of someone so perceptive failing to recognize his wife's needs#imagining chilchuck recognizing laios is not satisfied by something and he asks him abt it and laios is like 'no im fine dont worry abt me'#like fully sincere. laios is used to denying himself what he needs for others#ran away from home when falin was being mistreated. sacrifices his body in the end when he becomes The Big Guy#suppresses himself to try and make others like him more or at least dislike him less#do you think he'd suppress himself at first when in a relationship with chilchuck out of fear of driving him away#chilchuck's perception vs laios's poor masking fight fight fight#god they both fear each other leaving. laios because he fears being like his father and driving chilchuck away like his dad drove him away#and chilchuck because his wife left him and he didn't fully understand Why.#the fact chilchuck thinks laios should act like more of a leader. do you think he fears becoming a poor leader like his dad?#chilchuck trusts and values laios as a leader and that scaring the shit out of both of them 👌👌👌#this is why they're switches okay
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Btw sorry for not getting to asks and drawing lately, I've been busy for almost the whole past week. hangs my head low
#clemramble#last week I was stuck on dog watching duty for 3 days which doesnt sound bad#until you realize one of them is like 16 years old and losing control of certain body functions. old age and all you know the drill#and then right after i was done iwas sent to my grandmothers and ive been doing stuff with her#so whenever i am online its like snrrk mimimimi ... i tried to draw yesterday but almost nothing came out right#but rest assured. i will get to work sooner or later.#i usually dont apologize for inactivity since a.) i have a life outside of social media and b.) i put my trust that you all#also understand that and wont start sending pitchforks and fire in my inbox#likewise i try not to publicly talk about my life in greatdetail but what harm could it hurt for you all to know i have an old dog.#ANYWAYS ENOUGHOF THAT#i will get back on that grind soon... even if its just sketches#just have to wait for that rest period to get over . i DESPERATELY need to work on my askblog.#i did not forget about it im just conflicted bc i want to use the new brush but the canvas is too small for it so im trying to find alts#...or else ill have to redraw the entire background . shudders. gets scared
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