#im so relieved i honestly thought i was only gonna get rejected

[ghostbustermelanieking]

i got into grad school!!! i got into my top school so far!!!!!

[il0veaphr0dite]

HURT

A/N: IM BACK!!!! sorry I've been gone awhile, I was going to start writing last month but the school started and all that AND as an apology I will be doing kinktober for the first time! (let me know if i made any errors)

PAIRING: gn!reader x minho

SUMMARY: Minho came back from the maze with a sprained ankle after running into a griever.

WARNINGS: nun but a little spice and Minho being down bad

WORD COUNT: 1665

You were in the Medhut organizing the new supplies that came up the box, while Jeff and Clint were lying on the beds.

You sighed, turning towards them “Could you guys at least help me?”

Jeff propped his head on his arm, turning towards you “We could”

Clint sat up as he added “But we don't want to”

You rolled your eyes as you turned around to continue organizing when you heard the beds creek behind you.

You turned around to see Jeff and Clint had stood up from their previous positions, their eyes on the door.

You followed their gaze to see Ben with his arm around Minho.

Instantly, you all rushed to action, helping Ben get Minho to one of the beds.

After you all laid him down, you went to grab some supplies and came back to see Minho trying to get up.

Jeff lightly pushed him, his head hitting the pillow again “You need to lay down”.

He rolled his eyes “I'm fine”.

“If you were, you wouldn't be here,” You countered “Is there anything that hurts?”

“No, because like I said before—I'm fine”

“What happened out there?” Clint said.

“We were doing our normal run then a shucking griever came out of nowhere” Ben explained “We ran hoping to lose it so we don't lead it here” Ben gestured towards Minho “We turned a corner and this shank tripped on a vine”

Jeff made a move to touch Minho’s ankle but Minho slapped his hand away.

“I can’t look at your ankle if you don’t let me touch you” Jeff snapped.

Minho glared at Jeff “I don’t shucking trust you”

Jeff scoffed then turned to you asking “You got this, right?” before he and Clint dashed out of the Medhut.

You sighed, turning to look at Ben with a pleading look.

He locked eyes with you before saying “Look, I would stay, but I have to go map.”

You sighed as you watched him leave.

As you were grabbing supplies, you felt Minho's gaze on you.

Once you turned around you made eye contact. Flustered, you look away as you set the supplies on the table next to Minho’s bed.

Helping Minho sit at the edge of the bed, you grabbed a chair and sat facing the edge of the bed, carefully taking his ankle and placing it in your lap.

You reached to the table by the bed and grabbed a pack of ice, carefully placing it on his ankle, earning a hiss from Minho.

You look up at him, apologizing “Sorry, tell me if I'm applying too much pressure”

He gave you a nod, watching you adjust the ice pack to a different part of his ankle.

After a moment of silence, you ask “Are you okay?”

“Honestly, I thought I wasn’t gonna make it,” He said with a sad smile on his face,” I told Ben to run, but that idiot shank helped me. But then again who could leave the most handsome glader behind?” he said, causing you both to laugh.

You were relieved that nothing worse happened to him. You would never admit it but you had a crush on Minho. You didn't know if it was the way he always asked you how your day was, or how he always helped you carry the new supplies to the Medjack hut.

Newt knew about your crush on Minho—well everyone did but you only admitted it to him—and he encouraged you to confess. But you never did because—truth be told— you were scared of being rejected and potentially ruining your friendship if he didn't feel the same way.

You had your suspicions at times that he felt the same, considering the amount of time you had caught him looking at you but you always thought it was nothing.

You began to wrap his ankle, trying not to put too much pressure—when a hiss escaped his lips.

Your eyes shot up to his, quickly apologizing “Sorry, I’ll be more careful”

You expected him to nod or give you an “Okay” but instead, a smile reached his lips, and he let out a small laugh.

“I'm kidding, lighten up,” he said.

“Very funny shank, you're lucky it wasn't worse.” You retorted as you finished wrapping his ankle. “Be more careful out there”, you said, getting up and placing his ankle on the chair you were sitting on.

He smirked, looking up at you, “I will”

After gabbing supplies to clean his cuts, you stood in between his legs. You put one of your hands on his jaw, turning his head slightly to the side.

You began carefully cleaning his cuts, too focused to notice his eyes on you.

He loves watching you worry over him and how gently you are when cleaning his wounds. And he especially loves the way you tilt your head back when you laugh, and how your smile instantly energizes him after a long day of running. To put it simply, he was…in love.

You being this close to him makes him want nothing more than to kiss you but he had to take it slow—after all, he wasn't completely sure you liked him. So instead he let his hands rest on your hips.

This action made you instantly aware of the situation, your breath hitched as your eyes locked

His hand reached up and cupped your cheek.

You let out a whisper, “Minho..” but it came out as a plea.

As his name left your lips, his heart began to beat faster and faster as your face grew closer. The smell of grass, wood, and a hint of sweat filled your nostrils.

Then he kisses you, tasting the sweetness of your lips, he never wants to stop. It went from a passionate kiss to something more. It was as if he’d gotten something he’d longed, craved, and ached for.

You both came up for air, his eyes searching for any sign of regret before hungrily pressing his lips against yours.

His tongue slipped into your mouth, causing you to let out a gasp of surprise.

You could feel his lips turning up into a smirk as you attached your hands to his hair, tugging on it.

He let out a groan, his hands sliding under your top, grazing your bare hip.

Tugging you forward, your legs moving between his. You feel his hard erection press against your pants.

You move your hand into his pants and begin palming his erection gaining a whimper in response.

You suddenly become aware of your surroundings, making you realize anyone could walk at any time.

You pull away “Minho..we can’t, not now.”

He looked up at you with passion, his gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips.

“Please (Y/N)..” he pleaded, that only made you want to give in but you knew you couldn't— at least not now.

“It's not that I don't want to, it's just that anyone could walk in on us.”

His grip on your bare hips tightened, “So let them, they’ll know you’re mine—you always were.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping away but couldn't fight the smile that appeared on your lips, “Come on Minho, you need to get some rest”

A frown places itself on his lips, “But I don't want to rest—I want you”

You gave him a quick kiss before carefully moving his leg off the chair and onto the bed.

“Get some rest Minho, please” you begged, knowing how hard-headed he was.

A defeated sigh escaped his lips. Just as you were helping him lay down the door to the Medhut opened.

Newt, Jeff, and Clint walked through the door stopping at Minho’s bed.

Rolling his eyes he asked, “What do you shanks want?”

Jeff opened his mouth but quickly closed it before sending a pleading look to Clint and Newt.

Neat sighed as he stepped forward and began,” Minho, you’re going to have to take a few days off— maybe even a week.”

As soon as the words left his mouth Minho sat up from the bed, getting ready to leave.

“Minho wait-”

“You need to rest-”

“You can't run like this”

Everyone began protesting at once, going to lay Minho back down.

He turned his head to Newt, “You can't be serious, I have to run.”

“But you can't Minho.” Newt protested.

“Come on Newt, we both know that once you leave here I'm going to find a way into that maze”

“That's why (Y/N) is going to take care of you and make sure you’re not going anywhere near that maze.”

Your eyes widened at the next set of information, “Why me?”

“Because while he's not letting Jeff or Clint lay a hand on him, he seems to have no problem with you touching him,” he said, gesturing to his bandaged ankle.

“I don't need a babysitter,” Minho said coldly

“Really?” Newt said, slightly amused. “You’re the one who said you'll head straight into the maze as soon as we leave.”

He stared at a defeated Minho before adding,” Stay and rest or you'll be taking more than a few days off.”

He glanced at Minho one last time before he, Jeff, and Clint made their way out of the Medhut.

You glanced down at Minho with pity, you knew how badly he wanted to find an exit.

“Minho I know you want to find an exit but we can't have our keeper of the runners run with a sprained ankle.”

He sighed,” I know..”

You wrapped your arms around him, his head nestled into your neck.

Pulling away you said,” Get some rest”

He shuffled to the left side of the bed, patting the space next to him,” Lay with me?”

Nodding, you lay down next to him. He moves his hand to your waist, pulling you closer and nuzzling his head into your neck, inhaling your scent.

“Goodnight, Minho”

“ ‘Night, (Y/N)”

And you both fell asleep holding each other.

lmk what you think and if i should do a part 2 !!

[prettyboykatsuki]

Are you doing thirst request? Cause if you are...

Masturbating bakugo..you won't let him fuck yet and everytime he says he's ok he can wait until you're ready,but everysingle time he goes back to his place with a ranging hard one and the memories of the pretty faces you made while he touched you,so he got no option but to take care of it by himself💕

a/n ;; if i have an idea that i like and i don't have the juice to write it immediately, i just leave it in my drafts so i don't normally take requests. however this made my brain go brrrr so im gonna write

cw ;; 18+, masturbation (solo male), fingering, afab!reader

He tells himself he's going to take it slow with you.

He's so invested in this fact that he repeats it himself like insane person. When he sits in his car, slumped over the steering wheel, with the worst boner of his life - he reminds himself of the commitment he makes to you.

Bakugou Katsuki is always good to you. And you're good to him. When he admitted to you that he was technically not very experienced with sex - you put a gentle hand on his chest. Told him the two of you would take it slow and do everything else and that you would make sex intimate.

And he agreed, because he knows you have good intentions and because he's never really had that high of a libido anyways. Sexual activity is nothing more than a way to relieve some of the tension in his body.

The thing is that Bakugou Katsuki is attracted to you.

And being attracted to someone is not something he's used to. Sex as a means to an end no longer fills that aching hunger that fills his chest. He wants you, so much and so often he gets dizzy just thinking about.

He just got off, maybe twenty minutes total. Wordlessly, he reclines the seat of his car as he shoves hands down his sweatpants - eyes fluttering closed as he strokes his hard cock.

The image of you today is burned in his brain - the first time he's made you cum with just his hands. How you were seated in his lap, stroked his ego by telling him how good you felt - the feeling of your pussy clenching around his fingers. Your clit throbs so pretty for him too, fuck - just thinking about it was making him hard again.

He has his teeth clenched as he jerks off at only memories, only thoughts of you that he can't seem to let go of. Your head falling back onto his shoulder when he makes you cum so hard that you can barely get out his name. Bakugou realizes briefly that he's into deep - since the image of your face twisted up is whats making his cock twitch.

And he remember how you offered him your mouth today, tight and wet - the focused look as you took as much of it as you can in your throat. So narrow and so delicate, the way you brought his hands down around your throat so he could feel. How he came on your face and you swallowed around him like angel.

Fuck he's so hard and it feels so insatiable - this burning hot desire for you that makes him feel sick with lust. His cock is drooling all over his hand and his mouth is fallen open. He's a pro-hero jerking off in his car and the whole thing is killing him.

He snaps his eyes open when his phone rings - ready to reject the call but it's you. He reaches over to pick it up with his free hand, pressing it against his chest so he can hear the sound of your voice. He should probably stop right.

"Hey baby, I was calling cause you left your charger up here. If you're still down there, I could just bring it to you,"

"Hey, fuck - uh yeah 'm still.. shit. I'm still down here,"

You hear it immediately but you honestly think you're hearing things. You blink, dumbfounded. The shlick of him stroking his cock and the way he pants gets so loud it's impossible to ignore.

"..Katsuki..? Are you...?"

He lets out a grunt as he gets so close - his voice growing hoarse and desperate. He sounds out of his mind and he is, he knows he is but it doesn't stop him from begging on the other side of the line.

"I know you wanna take it slow, but fuck - baby. I can't take this shit anymore, I need you,"

You swallow as something hot settles in your skin. With a deep sigh you grab your keys and a jacket.

"Don't cum yet," you reply, grabbing a condom from a drawer "I'll be down soon,"

[violetnotez]

matchup for drew  |  JJK

Request a matchup here

Hey babe! So I match you up with....

 Ｉｎｕｍａｋｉ Ｔｏｇｅ

Look at this pretty boy like ughhh youre so lucky 😭

Inumaki is incredibly loyal-he wouldn’t ever ever give you a reason not to trust him

Also, don’t let his quietness fool you-he is a total trickster/prankster and will always be doing something silly to get you to laugh

He really likes training with you-to him it’s quite therapeutic and a great way to bond with you

But he’s cheeky at times if your doing close combat-he’ll just quickly plant a kiss on your cheeks to get you distracted so he can pin you down 💀

He thinks it’s amazing you’re so skilled in so many sports-it takes a lot to train, and he respects it a lot!

The one he really wanted you to teach him was rollerskating-one day he’d just walk into your room, hand holding a pair of new skates and just plainly saying “Tuna?”

Tuna meaning Please teach me, I know you’re busy but I’m bored and I just wanna have some fun please please please 🥺

He caught on to it really quickly, and in no time you two were blasting music and making trips to the grocery store for some sweets as quick little dates

Inumaki at one point tried to teach Panda and Maki, but Panda was totally decked out in headgear and shoulder pads and still ate shit every 2 seconds 💀

When he first met you, he honestly wasn’t really that intimidated

He still got that nervous rush of meeting someone new, but he was used to meeting intimidating girls-Nobara and Maki being perfect examples of that

Maki was so relieved to have another girl, and you two hit it off amazingly-you two would always be paired together cause you work great off each other as partners and as friends

Panda is just so lovingly protective for you, like if you feel uncomfy in public at times or just feel awkward in general, he’s right there to just give some support 🖤

He just approached you like he would with them, just a quick nod of his head and maybe a reply like “Bonito flakes” to be respectful

He is really intrigued by you-he’s naturally curious, how could he not when he has someone new and pretty in front of him~

But he gave you space, not wanting to intrude or make you uncomfy

But once you begin to open up, OH MY GOD he is so happy!

You get along well with his friends, it’s almost hard to imagine you not being in there friend group at one point-

Whenever something makes you smile, he starts noticing it makes him feel all fluttery inside,,,

Or when he is able to make you chuckle, he finds himself smiling but so grateful he’s able to hide his cheeks with his clothing-

He isn’t oblivious, he obviously knows he caught feelings but he’s super scared to say anything

Cause-how could he even tell you? It’s not like he could just walk up to you and say “Let’s go on a date-“

You could say no and reject him....or even worse, he could make a terrible choice of words and force you on a date by accident with his cursed technique

The 2nd option was too terrifying to him, so he opted to text you a picture of him holding a sign that says “Date?” like a prom proposal, his lilac eyes unable to look at the screen

He definitely begged Panda to take it, cause the picture was pretty fuzzy and theres a furry finger on a corner of the photo

But you thankfully said yes, and Inumaki took you to a roller skating rink, thinking you’d feel comfortable there to hang out. Which was a great plan, until Toge realized he didn’t know how to rollerskate

Panic ensues

The whole time he was desperately trying to repeat to himself “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall-“ and still look cool at the same time 💀

It was still cute though, and after you helping him out a bit he caught on very quickly

Still did fall a few times, but when you would giggle and help him up he felt a lot better about it 🥺

Needless to say, was probably the main reason he asked you later on to teach him how to skate properly 💀

And also the main reason your guys’ second date was at a very flat forest with little shrines and fish ponds to look into

Inumaki reallllyyyy craves physical touch, but he never forces it upon you

At the beginning of your relationship, it was really delicate touches, from intertwining pinkies to resting his head on your shoulder

But then it slowly became more and more as you two got more comfortable

This dude will just full on run behind you and wrap his arms around you if hes tired

Or snatch your hand and squeeze it tightly if hes afraid you might be in danger

Does this really cute thing where he puts his forehead on yours and stays there for a sec- dont ask him why he does it, he’ll start blushing but he just likes feeling close to you like that  🥺

Songs for Your Relstionship: Paradise by Coldplay,  Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran, Timeless by We Three

Drabble:

“Toge, what are you doing-and when did you get those?” you questioned, your eyes scrunched up in confusion as you eyed the white haired boy in front of you.

Inumaki was standing in your doorway, his jacket zipped up fully so only his violet eyes were visible. In his hands were a pair of roller skates, the wheels a clear plastic while the shoes being a periwinkle blue. 

All he did was simply walked into your room, knowing it like the back of hand from countless visits as he picked up your skates that had been left on the floor from the day before. He simply held out both pairs, one simple word of “Tuna” presented out of his mouth.

Your eyebrows furrowed even more, head tilting slightly as you shifted on your bed.

What the hell did he want you to....

“Do you want me....to teach you how to roller skate?”

You saw him instantly light up, obviously ecstatic you had understood him so quickly. He simply nodded his head once as confirmation, violet eyes wide with relief and anticipation.

Inumaki had been bristling to get back in those skates after he had done such a disastrous attempt at your first date. Everytime he thought about how much he had fallen he always internally cringed, almost able to still feel the bruises on his rear that lasted days after.

You had looked so graceful and so happy that day, like you were gliding on top of water as you did laps around the rink or simply to just pick him off the ground after he had eaten shit. He wanted to be able to do that with you, to be able to have picnic dates at the park or just glide over to a store to buy some sweets and ice cream-he had so many cute ideas planned it was almost overwhleming.

He just needed to learn how to skate without painting his body in bruises first.

“Oh, Toge, Im so sorry-” he heard you saw, his heart falling slightly at the sound of guilt in your voice, “but I have some assingments I have to finish....maybe we can do it this weekend?”

That happy expression he had had a few moments before faltered slightly, his lips pursed and nose scrunched under his jacket. 

But Inumaki was persistent-he wasnt one to take no for an answer, especially when he knew how to get what he wanted with a few dirty tricks.

Toge took a few steps towards you, his knee landing on top of your bed and making it dip under his weight, wrapping his arms around you in an inescapable hug.

Inumaki was pretty clever, as he knew it was hard for you to resist him when he was being clingy. He simply nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, white hair tickling your jawline, hands squeezing your sides gently.

You sighed, rolling your eyes slightly with an amused smirk as your propped yourself on your elbows and looked down at your boyfriend, who was clearly milking it to get what he wanted.

“Youre not gonna let go unti l say yes, huh?”

Inumaki picked his head up, violet eyes soft yet mischeivously as he shook his head gently-

This brat wasnt going to let go until you did exactly what he wanted. 

You sighed exaperatedly, looking up at the ceiling as you felt Inumaki chuckle against your stomach.

“Fine then...” you gave in, finding it adorable how quickly his face light up.

“-But you have to buy me snacks and be my study partner for the rest of the night.”

Toge instantly smiled, the crinkles of the expression showing around his eyes. Getting you to teach him how to roller skate, and have a study date right after? This day was getting better and better for him.

“Salmon!” he agreed quickly, shuffling off of your form and handing you your skates- you were going to make him a pro after today, and he was more than ready.

I hoped you liked these, and thank you for requesting!! <3

[guyinlovewitheremika]

Chapter thoughts! (kind of)

I love that, as our heroes are in their final climactic battle to save humanity from the titans, not only are they doing so on top of the founding titan, but are literally fighting their way through 2000 years worth of titan history. Makes for a more exciting setpiece than just where’s waldo but eren, but it really does encapsulate the idea of this being the grand finale (and I cant wait to see titans gone from this world once and for all at the end of this). 

And Isayama gets to flex like all kinds of probably rejected designs here...the old warhammer thing? new warhammer with the trident? that weird yeti looking mf? so many awesome looking dudes and dudettes, I cant wait for the official version with hi res scans to drop.

Speaking of those titans, we get to meet a lot of familiar faces in Isayama’s final art style, which isnt just cool and nostalgic to see, but it also feels like we may finally deep dive into the whole titan shifter memory shenanigans. Bertolt appearing in Armin’s mind the way he did back in 85, just as he shows up physically have to be connected. If Ymir can maintain access to the physical data of what old titans can do, then it makes sense for their memories, or even consciousnesses to still be stored there somewhere. Honestly I never thought we’d see an Armin/Bert thing, but Im glad its finally happening. And hey, if we’re looking at past memory things, hopefully this will segway into finally clearing up whateverthefuck is really going on with Eren’s whole future memory thingmajing because it really is about time. 

More in that direction--Ymir is involved! Which, fucking finally. God it honestly feels so relieving to finally see her have a genuine active role...ever since her introduction in 120 and then whatever has been happening the last few chapters I really couldnt tell if she was just a passive bystander/victim/controlled by smth else or the one responsible for all--and while this chapter may not be 100% conclusive yet, she clearly is more involved with everything than she seemed before...she did free the pigs afterall. Im very curious to see how her story will wrap up...she’s the OG victim of the titans, now appears to one of/if not the main perpetrator behind their horrors. Idk, we’ll see, but its absolutely interesting and I cant wait to see more. 

All the characters get nice moments...Pieck saying fuck your friendships Im gonna put a stop to this monster was honestly great, Jean and Reiner hanging in there hit me right where it hurts (”thats why we joined the survey corps” DDD: ), Levi actually getting to do things again, Mikasa going full protective mom and massmurderer mode without breaking a sweat, lets go. I was worried the flying titan would feel too contrived/retconned, but the sheer amount of ridiculous plot magic happening rn honestly makes this feel the most normal, hahaha. 

Really, what this chapter makes me feel, most of all, more than anything, is a sense of excitement, of possibility. Ever since Eren declared death on the world, and even more so since it actually started happening, everything has felt so reductive. Like, here is the thing, this is happening, that’s all there is to it, now just sit it out and watch it unfold at an excruciatingly slow monthly pace. It’s really brought down my enjoyment of the last chapters because it just felt like nothing was really getting done, and it was either gonna go one way or another. 

But one chapter later and Ymir Fritz is actively doing all kinds of creepy shit and not just standing creepily in the background, the whole gang finally get to do the thing they set out to do at th start of the year and who knows what’ll happen to them, Eren’s continued absence, lack of pov, undisclosed location and illogical actions give my heartbroken antirumblingerenstan heart the faintest glimmers of hope Ive craved all year...and Im just fuckin excited. I’m glad Isayama pulled a bunch of insanity out this month because I really feel like it was needed. And now I’m beyond ready to experience the conclusion of my all time favorite story 

[justasimplesinner]

After Arkham knight events, SO is reunite with killer croc, blame themself for not be able to find him earlier and appologies. SO look out for him for months, made plans to help him escape. When SO knew that Warden experiment and tortur their beloved, they beat up the shit out of the asshole. SO then escape with Waylon and later give him a lot of comfort, rassure him, they will help him to get better.

im not sure i understand this correctly, so i may have changed/mixed it up a little bit, so sorry for that! i just tried to make sure my writing makes sense

Arkham Knight!Killer Croc being reunited with his s/o hcs:

what the Warden did to him really took a toll on him. Waylon was never proud of his looks and of who he was, he turned into the monster people made him out to be and he honestly hated every second of it. and now it got even worse. he would've never thought he'd miss how he looked earlier, but he thinks he is just fucking disgusting now. his body is modified and mutated and he can't un-do it, no matter how much he tries to tell himself he can. he looks like a fucking abomination

for some time when he was locked in that fucking cage and experimented on, he thought whether you waited for him. or maybe if you thought it was... a good riddance. he knows you have no way to fucking break into a flying penitentary, it's quite literally impossible for a simple civillain like you, yet he feels so fucking lonely without you and his emotions are raging. the experiments were also fucking with his hormones and the chemical reactions in his brain, everything was hurting 10x times worse and it was a very traumatising experience. and all that stress and trauma has also fucked with the Warden's experiments, which made him into... whatever he's become

for a moment, when he took control of the penitentary, all he could think of was getting back to you but he knew that not only were you out of Gotham because of Scarecrow's plan, but he was also... scared to see you. it was a miracle you wanted him then, and he didn't know if he could take a rejection from you

but every second spent in the penitentary and then later at the GCPD was filled with thoughts of you. he just wanted to fucking go back to you and slither into your arms, he wanted you to just tell him everything's alright and that it's gonna be okay. he never admitted it, but he really needed the comfort you always brought him but now... he couldn't have it. he was happy you were out of Gotham when Scarecrow released his fear toxin upon the city though. he was happy you were safe. or at least hoped you were

but then suddenly, a few days of the city gathering it's shit and trying to get back on it's feet, he got news that someone paid to bail him out. and he was forced to face you after all that excruciating time away from you even though he was not ready to hear your disgusted voice rejecting him because of what he's become

but despite everything, he was only met with you acceptance. with your warm embrace, your concern, your hands slowly caressing his deformed body, your tears because of your own helplessnes, because you couldn't help him then and let him get hurt. it was an absolute whiplash, but that doesn't mean he didn't curl around you and cling to you like you were his lifeline

you let him stay in your house after that, saying that you had to have him there to protect him from anything that could harm him. it amused him, you were acting like an angry little chiuaua trying to protect a huge rottweiler. but he couldn't deny that he was so fucking relieved that you didn't hate him now, and even let him stay with you in your home. it was... he couldn't quite explain the feelings it woke up in him, but he knew he'd never let you go after that

you were there to help him in planning his revenge on the Warden. he may have not come to terms with what happened with him (even though you were helping a lot with that), but he understood that the effects were irreversible and that only fueled his hatred for the man and he was not going to stop until he tasted his blood

[lovemeafterhrs]

friends w benefits | k. kenma (end)

chapter 19: you can fall in love with anyone

fun fact: bro this is the last one.. my heart cant handle it but i just want to thank all of you for all of your support with the series. you all are SO important to me and im so glad that you guys came along with me on the fwb! kenma rollercoaster. see yall in the next one! (or when i post a new smau at the end of the week lmao)

~~~~

the night had started out relatively tame. light hearted games had turned much more heated as bokuto carried nora away in his arms to keep her away from killing kenma.

in the corner sat miyuki, typing out his obituary as kuroo tried to convince him to talk to the girl he’d been avoiding the whole night.

at that current moment, said girl was sitting on kuroo’s balcony as loud vibrations from the music boomed behind her.

tetsurou sent a sharp look to a petrified kenma, who was busy wondering if he could disappear from the situation without anyone noticing.

he’d admitted his feelings many times, and sat stone cold as he awaited her rejection. he didn’t want to say the words again. he didn’t want to lose the connection they had.

as much as he hated just being friends, he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic that he found himself becoming more and more fond of. he just wanted to be in her presence, even if that meant drowning the butterflies in his chest just to see her smile.

he didn’t know what answer he was seeking, or how the events would play out when they existed outside of his mind.

his mind began to lose track of the daydreams, and the possibilities left him with more questions than answers.

by the time he convinced himself to step onto the balcony, everyone in the room had already gathered around the window to witness his confession.

“uh.. can i sit here?” he cursed himself for being so nervous, but the light nod from her was enough to get him to sit next to her on the dark wood bench.

he’d never known her to be so quiet, but they sat together in silence and enjoyed the muffled slow song that echoed behind them. it was something out of a movie, but he feared that it wouldn’t have the ending that he’d been dreaming of.

“hey kenma?” she asked, and her voice was so hushed that he almost didn’t hear her. when he replied, she moved to wrap her arms around her legs, her head resting on her knees as she looked out to the dark blue skyline.

“do you believe in love? like the stupid, illogical, makes no sense kind of love that leaves you wondering what life’s really like?”

“i think i do..” he paused, and she looked up at him with a look in her eyes that gifted him with the urge to pass out on the spot. “why, are you in love or something?”

“i don’t think so.” she watched his demeanor drop as she turned away from him, facing the dark sky once again. “i think i could be though, eventually. i still have a lot to work on, but i wouldn’t mind being in love again. it’s only moderately inconvenient.”

“moderately inconvenient? how so?” they were laughing now, and the stress that pressed itself firmly onto his shoulders lifted as soon as he heard her small giggle.

“i don’t know.. admitting feelings is kinda stupid. being that open with someone who could just tell you to fuck off is absolutely terrifying.” her choice of words cut through him like a knife as he observed the cloud of guilt forming over her.

“you know, i’m really glad that you didn’t tell me to fuck off.” she laughed at his joke lightly as she rushed to wipe her eyes. “i’m really relieved that we’re talking again. i got used to our dynamic sooner than i thought, and animal crossing just didn’t hit the same.”

“i don’t think that’s gonna be a problem again anytime soon.” one smile was all that it took to revive the butterflies deep in his chest that he’d been stomping on for the last few weeks.

he was confused now, throwing out a soft “what do you mean?” she rolled her eyes at him, and she watched his lips form into a pout from the corner of her eye.

“i don’t know.. that maybe i want to be more than whatever this is? but who knows honestly, could mean a lot of things.” she was fucking with him now, and he knew it. “you still haven’t taken me on that date.”

“was getting coffee not a date?”

“i was in my pajamas. not a date.” he stuck his tongue out at her in response and was met with a playful glare in his direction.

“what do you want to do then?” he asked, and she looked at him like he’d just burned through his last two functioning brain cells.

“i don’t know kenma, you’re the boyfriend.”

“i’m the boyfriend?” surprise displayed against his normally quiet exterior and his smile was contagious

“..uh.. duh, i thought we went over this?”

“we didn’t but.. does that mean i can kiss you whenever now?” her cheeks scorched under the pressure of her hands as she nodded and covered her face. “you’re never this flustered, did i say something?”

“no, i just want you to kiss me idiot.”

and he did, standing on his balcony in front of all of their friends. gagging sounds could be heard from behind the glass panels, but he didn’t care as he pulled her closer.

why dont we go somewhere only we know?

masterlist:

taglist: @bby-bokuto @jazzofmine @beanst0ck @jaegersblogh @cuddlesslut @deimmortales99 @neomuxuxi @ladymartiini @kathya420 @paripedia a @sugassimp @moonlightaangel @momoinot @mochahyuck @idiot-juice-enthusiast @jiminscarmex @teenlife1599 @fourelementskal @breaking-ur-kneecaps @intohobiverse @aizawasthotty @badbyeyoongi @animeanxiety @stfucanunot @inuroku @animefan7420 @matamiskookie @neouihobi @iixyia @iloveanime691 @dancing-in-the-rain54 @kageyamasbabygorl @peachymochimochi @todobruhski @flrtykawas @krxstynnn @jiminifiess

[8unnieswrld]

Dialogue 35 & 43 + scenario 10 with Jaemin pleaseeee

Request 35 + 43: "how am i meant to cover these?" + "lol you're really gonna wine and dine me after rearranging my guts"

Word count: 1.7k

Genre: fluff, angst (IF U SQUINT)

Warnings: ITS SUGGESTIVE, im honestly bad at smut and no lovely people on here deserve bad smut. That shit gotta be sensual or its a bad time...

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! I hope its to your liking 💖 I will be crossing off each prompt as they are requested to avoid any double ups 💖

You had only known him for a couple of moths, max being generous.You groan loudly as you feel Jaemin’s warm body detach from yours causing goosebumps to rise to your skin.

“No no no no cold cold cold” you cry, pulling the blankets that were bundled at your feet over your body.

“Calm down baby, I'm just grabbing a warm cloth and some water for you” he whispers, placing a kiss on your forehead before exiting the room. You lay there patiently waiting for your “husband” to come back, slowly drifting off to sleep after having used all of your energy to keep up with Jaemins crazy sex drive.

In your 25 years or so of living, you had never even thought about the possibility of marrying someone introduced to you a week prior to your so-called wedding. It was such a foreign thought in your mind, clearly not for your parents or your husband’s though as they had no issue announcing it abruptly. It seemed unfair for your parents to even agree to letting their only daughter marry off into another family at such an early age, just to settle some family drama on their behalf. Jaemin was only a couple of years older than you, working in the same career field as you. You felt odd marrying someone who you had just technically met, not even able to harvest feelings for him beforehand. You didn't hate him or anything, you also just didn't know him all too well, feeling bad that he was also forced into this situation while at the top of his career.

Even though legally married you both had a very casual relationship, both not really committed enough to even call it one. However, due to yours and Jaemin’s crazy sex drive, after a night of very drunk talking you both agreed to relieve sexual tension with one another as a way to keep sane as you were both very stressed people. In the few months of living together, the blonde hair stranger turned into a pink hair friend who was now your good blue hair friend with benefits even though technically married to each other. The summer of your marriage changed like the colour of his hair into a cold winter as you both grew comfortable with each other, picking up one another's traits.

You feel the bed dip a bit, blanket shuffling slightly before a warm wet cloth is pressed between your legs causing you to jolt awake. You lift your head slightly looking at Jaemin clean you up while placing kisses on the inner of your thighs.

“Dont, that will only lead to another round” you warned, closing your legs on his head. Jaemin only chuckles as he moves his body to hover over yours placing a soft and gentle kiss on your lips.

Recently, Jaemin has become more intimate with you, even to the point of suggesting to move your stuff into his room since you were both married regardless. For sure he made your heart flutter, but there was a feeling of distrust locked in a box inside your heart. You knew it was possible to harbour feelings after getting to know one another, but a part of you made you doubt that, only choosing to believe that Jaemin was harbouring feelings out of convenience due to his age and career. Still, there was another part of your heart that began to light up whenever he was around you, hypocritical to your conflicting feelings.

You wrap your arms around Jaemin pulling him closer to you as his hand makes itself up to your stomach, lightly running the cloth over it cleaning any leftover cum that remains. He lays down beside you, pulling your head onto his extended arm. You shift slightly rolling onto your side as you hook your arms around him, pressing your face into the crook of his neck as he begins to clean your back.

“So I was thinking we would go to that fancy new place that opened up on the other side of town. You know the one on top of the hills that overlooks the city.” Jaemin mumbles, resting his head on the top of yours. “I heard they have a great selection of Italian reds.”

You couldn't help but laugh at his sudden remark, causing him to be tickled by your hot breath against his skin. Unable to control your laughter, you use every force in your body to roll over sitting up as Jaemin eyes you curiously, baffled as to why you were laughing so hard at such a normal question.

“What? Why are you laughing huh?” He chuckles awkwardly, still unsure as to why you were laughing at him.

“Lol are you seriously going to wine and dine me after you rearranged my guts for the past couple of hours” you laughed, gripping your stomach as you fell back onto the bed kicking your legs playfully.

Jaemin couldn't help but to smile as he sits up pulling your body closer to his before caging you in his arms falling back down on the bed.

“What? What's so wrong with wine and dining hmm?” Jaemin laughs, resting his head onto your exposed chest. Your laughter dies down as you wrap your arms around his head, causing him to be squished between your tits.

“Jaemin you know we’re not technically dating right? Why are you being so romantic all of a sudden” You whisper running your hands through his hair. Jaemin chuckles slightly, enjoying his face squished between your breasts.

“I mean...Y/N we’re technically married, shouldn't we at least act like it?” Jaemin mumbles, placing a few kisses in the centre of your chest. You felt your chest sting at his remark, biting your lip to stop yourself from tearing up. Confused as to why you weren't replying, Jaemin removes himself from your chest to look up at your face, instantly cupping it. “What's wrong? Was it something I said?” Jaemin coos, wrapping his arms around your head as you lose control over your tears allowing them to spill all over his exposed chest.

“Jaem...do you ever think that you only like me because we live together?” you whisper, rubbing his back slightly as you forced yourself not to continue to cry.

“Y/N…That's not it at all. I genuinely like you so much and I'm sorry if I'm not expressing that well enough but...the past few months of us living together, becoming friends, and then this...it's been amazing. You make me feel so warm inside, like substantial… you feel like home.” Jaemin mumbles, hugging you tighter as he presses kisses on top of your head. “I'm sorry that i haven't officially asked you out or anything...its just that we’re kind of technically married and i thought it’d be easier just to flow into it naturally…” You were about to reply but Jaemin takes a deep breath, pushing you lightly from his chest to look you in the eye.

“Y/N I think you’re super hot, you’re so supporting and smart and intuitive and kind…” He starts rambling, counting the traits he saw in you causing your ears to become red and flustered...even though you were both in bed naked as he confessed to you. “I think you’re amazing and I would be super upset if you started dating someone else and we got divorced because I have felt so much more happier after meeting you, like you were some saving grace!” He confesses, hugging you tightly once again. You felt your entire body flush red, from head to toe causing you to nervously sweat. “If you don't want to be my girlfriend, that's okay but i just want you to know that everything i just said are my real feelings...100%” Jaemin mumbles, staring into your eyes softly. You felt your heart race, unable to even face him properly are you pushed yourself away from him to sit up.

Putting on top he discarded the headboard over your body. You felt a shiver travel up your spine as your feet hit the cold wood floor.

“So it's a no….” Jaemin chuckles sadly, running a hand through his hair. You instantly turn around, facing him shocked to your core at the words that had left his mouth.

“No, Jaem...i'm getting out of bed to get ready for our first official date.” You reply, completely panicked that his mind went instantly to rejection. Was the idea of you leaving him what held him back from confessing to you?

Jaemins face instantly brightens as he quickly gets out of bed to run over to you, engulfing you in a tight hug as he peppered kisses all over your face. “I knew you had a crush on me, Y/N you’re so fucking cute!” He sings happily, waddling you to the bathroom in his arms as you felt tears flood the brim of your eyes, tears of self inflicted anger, sadness and joy.

Flicking on the bathroom light, you shriek, causing Jaemin to snap out of his state of ecstasy to look at you worriedly. You hit him lightly, huffing as you stare at the dark red and purple patches littered all over your neck in absolute disbelief.

“How am i meant to hide these?!” You cry, pulling the collar of his shirt down to reveal even more. Jaemin only laughs, wrapping his arms around your waist as he rests his head on top of yours.

“Don't hide them, they’re pretty” he states, staring at you through the mirror before blinking innocently before tightening his hug on you, returning to his own happy world. Jaemin was esatic, feeling as if all of his wishes were finally granted after pouring his heavy heart out onto you, in hopes of progressing your relationship with one another.

“You’re so cuteeeeee!” Jaemin yells cathartically, rocking you side to side like a child squeezing

a soft toy. You could only sigh as a response, returning his hug as he happily chatted your ear off about how happy he was in that very moment.

Jaemin stops speaking momentarily causing you both to stare at each other in the mirror, before bursting out into laughter as Jaemin pushes you to sit on the toilet running a warm bath for you both.

“You better be helping me apply concealer to this before we leave” you laugh, splashing the water up at Jaemin.

“Of course, anything for you”

[espinosaurusrexex]

Hater

In which Y/N tries to convince herself that she does not have any feelings for Jeff and miserably fails.

warnings: cursing, a really bad apology (like damn I’m sorry im bad at conversing and it shows lmao)

a/n: For the really nice @ilsolee, who requested something from my Drabble List. Thank you for requesting this. I loved this concept and even played with the thought of breaking it into a series (I ended up not doing that but if you want me to next time, to make it a little longer or even more detailed, just tell me).

As always, I’m open to feedback :)

4. Right now, you’re just being really annyoing.

6. How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?

21. Can I kiss you?

word count: 3.8k

She hated him. She hated his dumb smirk and his overly attractive body. She hated the way he talked to her and how he didn't seem to care about people when he interacted with them. His cringy beard triggered her and the muscles on his body intimidated her. There was nothing on this man that could attract her to Jeff Wittek.

Well, those were the points. And Y/N wasn't going to change her mind about this awfully handsome man. At least she didn't want to and found herself relaxing every time she dug a little deeper to find more reasons, why she could hate him. As if him being an ex convict wasn't enough reason to keep a distance, Y/N was intrigued by slipping into his past to be a step ahead for every comment he spat her way. That way she could tell herself that, no matter what he would say to her, she knew something about him that nobody else did. And that gave her the feeling of superiority she seeked a little too often these days.

“What do you think about that, Y/N”, Jeff questioned and raised his eyebrows at her, who had yet to answer his question. There it was again: that stupid smirk. God, she wanted to smack it out of his face every time she saw it. And not the gentle way. The way that would leave a red mark in the form of her hand for several hours. Though it was really hard for her to resist that urge right now, she settled for a snarky comment instead.

“I think that right now, you're just being really annoying.” A low hush went through the room and Y/N noticed Jeff’s face scrunching up in a faked, pained one. He continued to place his hand above his heart before relieving a loud cry. 

“You're so mean! Oh god, I think I have to kill myself now.” The rest of their friends laughed, which made Y/N feel quite uncomfortable. 

“Bohoo, you gonna call your mom now?” Y/N scooched deeper into the cushions as she noticed how childish her behavior had been the whole day.

“Honestly, doll. If you want to upset me, you have to come up with some better roasts. That shit was weak. I feel like I’m arguing with a fifth grader.” Y/N groaned. Another thing she hated about Jeff: him calling her ‘doll’ in that dumb Jersey accent of his.

Sending a growl over to Jeff, Y/N stood up and headed towards the kitchen. She rummaged through the cabinets until she found something to snack her anger away on and proceeded to snatch a water bottle from the fridge. She sat on the counter of David’s kitchen and stared at the white tiles a little longer until she felt a hand on her shoulder and a whiff of strawberry entered the room. Carly. Honestly, Y/N didn't want to talk right now. Drowning her anger in food and tv shows seemed far more appealing to her than engaging in a discussion about her well being or a certain other person she didn't want to think about right now. She knew she had embarrassed herself. Not only today, but all the other times she would start to bicker with Jeff about the most random things.

“Hey Y/N/N…” Carly pushed herself up on the counter next to her and took a cookie from her friend's hand. She knew that Y/N didn't want to talk, but she also couldn't help but wonder what fed the deep hatred her best friend had for Jeff. A man, who had actually been pretty nice and funny to Carly during the time they had known each other. Sure, he wasn't the nicest to Y/N, but that was mainly, because her friend never had anything nice to say towards him, either. Carly would have reacted the same way, if somebody would greet her with such an attitude from day one on. She couldn't bring herself to ask Y/N, though. Knowing deep down that she probably had a good reason to behave the way she did.

A nudge ripped Y/N out of her trance. “Jeff is actually pretty nice, you know?” The platine blonde murmured while glancing back to the living room in which most of their friends gathered at the moment. Jeff shared a short glance with her before turning his attention back to the discussion that was going on. 

“Carly, I’m not magically going to love that guy just because you say he’s ‘pretty nice’.” Y/N chuckled in a mocking manner and turned her head towards her best friend. “I don't like him and that’s final. I find reasons to not like him every day and that is ok. I don't have to like everybody you're friends with. If you want to hang out with a former convict, then do it, but don't expect me to join you again.”

Carly sighed before hopping down from the counter to stand between Y/N’s legs. She looked into her eyes, trying to find a hint of sorrow in them, but nothing. Not even a little bit of dishonesty glimmered in her orbs. She let her head down, shaking it in the process.

“If you say so…” Carly went back to the common area and Y/N was left to sit alone again. She stared at the ceiling for a while and then at the walls. After a couple of minutes, that got pretty boring, so she just decided to leave. She didn’t need them to have fun. And she definitely didn't need to show them how bothered she was by her friends hanging out with people that didn't appreciate her.

It had been a week since her last encounter with Jeff and Y/N couldn't help but feel pretty good about avoiding any situations regarding him. She occupied herself with paperwork and her dog, Dax. Fully ignoring the fact that she felt a little lonely inside, she watched her friends’ Snapchat stories daily. The restaurant she was working at had not been that busy the last couple days, which lead to Y/N getting off early and left to spend even more time in her Apartment, alone, with Dax, of course.

Another week went by and to say the least, Y/N was bored. Her daily routines had consisted of eating, working, and sleeping. She had finished pretty much every series existent on Netflix and there was nothing else to do. She found herself sitting on her phone again. This time, almost envying the fun her friends had without her. But she couldn’t bring herself to text them. She needed to prove it to herself and them that she didn't care if they hung out with people she didn't want around. Mainly, she needed to convince herself, but that facade began to falter with every minute that went by.

A sudden knock on her door echoed through the room and Y/N got up quickly. Too excited that something was happening, she sprinted to the door and basically ripped it open. The handle rammed into the wall and left an evident hole, but Y/N didn’t care. 

“I’m done with your shit ass attitude!” Carly stormed into the apartment with heavy steps and came to a stop at the dining table. The confusion was clearly written over Y/N’s features as she watched her best friend stand in front of her with crossed arms. 

“What do you mean?”

Carly scoffed. An action she had perfected over the years she had known Y/N. “I will not stop hanging out with Jeff, just because you don't like him! Accept that for God’s sake!” Her chest was heaving and Y/N had not seen her friend this furious in a very long time.

The tension between them began to rise, but Y/N wouldn't break. “Well then you have a problem, because I will not ‘hang’ with the devil himsel-” But she was cut off by the blonde.

“Jeff. It’s Jeff! You know, you could actually say his name for once! He’s a human being just like everyone else. And it's not fair that you treat him like shit just because of his background. I didn't think that I was friends with a person that is so selfish and shallow that they would reject people based on the things that happened in the past. We all know what he did! And it's not like he is a killer or psychopath! Especially the people in our group of friends should be able to rely on each other and not be scared that there will be talking behind their back. Because you know what?! That’s exactly what happened with Trisha and now everyone hates her! Do you want that?! Then just say it because I need to know!” 

Her words were like a wake up call. One that hit deep in the gut and spread through the body in hives of pain until it reached the brain and it could actually register what had just been said. Y/N trained her eyes on the floor. If Carly put it that way, it did sound like Y/N had grown into a horrible person. A person, she most certainly didn't want to be. Not in her or anyone else’s eyes. It pained her to see, how wrecked her friend got by the thought of Y/N being like the person Carly had described seconds before.

“Y/N! Fuck! Say something! … God damn it, I need by best friend back and I need to know if she’s still here.”

With that, Y/N couldn't hold it anymore. A loud sob escaped her lungs and the tears followed soon after. 

“I’m so sorry, Carly.” , she sobbed as she tried to stop the tears from falling, “I’m so sorry, I’m a horrible person…”

Through blurry eyes Y/N could see her friend trying to prevent some tears from falling as well, but she kept quiet. Waiting for an explanation on her end. 

“I don’t hate him. I don't hate him for his past or his humor I don't hate him at all. God why is this so hard?!” Y/N kept wiping away the salty wetness on her cheeks and proceeded to talk. “I just thought that… if I told myself that I didn't like him, I would believe myself, eventually. I don't care if he went to jail or prison or whatever. I don't care at all… I just wanted to protect myself and I guess, I went a little too far…”

Silence. It was crushing and if silence had a sound in this second, it would have been something that would make your ears explode. Carly knew, what her best friend meant when she said ‘she wanted to protect herself’. It had been a secret between the two of them, but Y/N didn't exactly have the best relationships in the past. In fact, Y/N and her ex-boyfriends all ended on bad terms. And it had taken at least three month and about five pounds of ice cream or chocolate to make her leave the house again, every time. Y/N didn't seem like it, because of her sassy attitude, but she got attached too quickly and fell way too hard. Carly should have suspected it, seeing that Jeff checked pretty much all of the boxes Y/N’s ex’s did, too. She felt regret rushing through her for throwing those words at her, but she was fairly desperate herself, being without her best friend for over two weeks. They had both been too stubborn to text each other and now they saw what it did to them. They were both devastated and exhausted. It didn't do anyone any good if those two were not together at least once a day.

“You have to tell him.” Carly spoke after ten minutes of remaining silent.

This made Y/N snap her head up again. “I can’t! Not after everything, I have said to him!” Her eyes were wide in shock and she stepped closer to the blonde girl leaning on her table. “Besides, we both know that the last weeks were just foreshadowing of what would happen if Jeff and I would… “ She didn't speak any further, noticing that she had actually said his name out loud for the first time.

“Well, you have to at least say something to him! Apologize. Because whatever is happening right now, is just childish.” 

Carly was right. Y/N hated when her friend was right. And even though it was probably going to be more embarrassing than her fist time, she knew that she had to talk to Jeff.

Believing that nothing would change her mind about said man was probably a stupid thing to do. To say she was nervous to talk to somebody, she had spent the past year insulting, even more so. The whole time, she was so focused on his background and things magazines and haters wrote about him, she had never even considered to investigate further into his personality. Not that she had thought it was going to be any better than her assumptions, anyway. Though, she never had a friendly conversation with him, she had to admit that she had always been the one starting the snappy comments and he probably just followed along.

With that in mind, Y/N stood at a balck door with the number 703 printed on it in gold. How was she going to approach this? She didn't know, either. But she knew that she had to fix it somehow. Y/N wasn't a bad person after all and seeing that she had the opportunity to at least try and fix things, cleared her conscious a little. 

She knocked on the door gently, secretly praying that noone was home and she could just push this event to another day, but her hopes were shattered after a few seconds. The door opened and behind it was the man himself. Shirtless, of course. He had a toothbrush in his right hand and was holding the door open with the other. The light from the window behind him made his body glow in a sunrise-orange tone and Y/N had to scold herself for comparing him to an image of Adonis right there. His questioning facial expression changed to a cocky one as soon as he registered who had been interrupting his morning routine on this day and he moved his body to the side to motion for her to come in. Y/N followed his demands, inspecting his home. Even though she had known him for several months now, she had never even seen his apartment complex before. And looking at the plane walls surrounding rooms that were provided with a minimum of furniture, she decided that she had not missed out on anything. It was the typical man cave. With its lack of decoration and the fminine touch that made every home a home, it appeared rather unwelcoming and cool to her. 

Jeff returned from the bathroom without the toothbrush and went to the fridge to get some water. 

“What did I earn your company with on this fine morning?” Jeff cocked an eyebrow at the woman standing in his living room. It was pretty relaxing that she had not started this morning with an argument and Jeff didn't know it yet, but Y/N was about to surprise him for the second time today.

With that, Y/N turned to him and took his body in one more time before shrugging her shoulders and continuing to look around his apartment. The apology she had planned was weighing on her chest, but now that she was actually standing here with him, alone, she didn't know if ‘I like your shirt’ was the best entry into this conversation. Apart from the fact that he was not even wearing a shirt, it was the best Y/N had come up with for an icebreaker. 

She noticed some dog toys on the floor and decided to settle with that for the start.

“I Have a dog, too.” Y/N motioned to the water bowl next to her and forced a smile on her face to try and hide the humiliation that spilled over her in a giant wave.

Jeff looked into her eyes intently and answered with a frozen expression. “Yeah mine died last week.”

“Oh.” ‘I like your shirt’ suddenly seemd a lot less stupid. Y/N escaped a nervous laugh as she tried to come up with something to say, but Jeff just chuckled after noticing her puzzled expression.

“Just kidding, Nerf’s at the groomers.” A rush of adrenaline filled Y/N veins by those words. He was a dick, but she had to get this over with, somehow. Otherwise, Carly would whoop her ass and send her back to his door, right after and Y/n was not planning on this event to happen.

“Why don't you just tell me something you hate about this place and we take our separate path’s again?” Jeff was serious. He couldn't figure out, why she was here, or what she could possibly want from him, other than a battle of words, he would win anyways. So when Y/N fell silent again, he couldn't help but wonder if this was about something bigger than just another snarky comment.

“No.” Y/N looked away. Too big was the embarrassment she would face in the next minutes, if she was really going through with her plan of apologizing.

They had come so far already, not being caught up in an argument about something inconsequential for the whole time they were in his apartment and jeff could sense the conflict in her mind from a mile away. He was a pretty good liar himself and that subconsciously helped him to read people fairly well.

“How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?” A smirk snugg onto his face, again while he approached her from behind, trying to turn her focus to him.

Y/N had shivers running down her spine with those words. There was no denying, anymore. Jeff was an attractive man, but the fact that he knew it, gave her enough reason to not let him know how she felt about him. It was tough, and seeing that he had a dog, left her wondering if there weren't many more things they had in common. 

She turned around and stared up at him. Jeff was dangerously close to her, but Y/N did not attempt to increase the distance between them. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but the things she would say next were uncomfortable, too. Where was the point in changing anything about their current situation when she knew that it only got worse from here on? Exactly, there was none.

“What I’ve been meaning to say is that… I’m sorry. I have been mean to your for the sake of keeping you off my mind and it didn't even work. I just started beef with you, because I was scared. I was scared to face the fact that you are a pretty nice guy and on top of that someone I could actually fall for. You have been nothing but nice to all of my friends and even me. That is, until I started to open my stupid mouth. I’m incredibly sorry, Jeff. I hope you know that everything I said to you was not to be taken seriously. And that I’m not mad at you for the things you said to me. I honestly think, I deserve for those to be tattooed on my forehead for my shitty behavior. I’m… ugh… I’m just sorry and I hope that we can start over. I would love to be your friend if you want that, too. Though, I would understand if you don’t. I’m sorry, I truly am.”

That was a much needed release of pressure, which was crushing Y/N’s soul with every second she had to hold it in. The hardest part was over. Now, she just had to deal with the consequences. And those were something Y/N surely did not expect.

“Can I kiss you?”, was all he said as he searched for her eyes in the glimmer of the morning sun rising outside his windows.

 A shocked expression covered her face. She had just overcome the most embarrassing thing she could imagine and Jeff had totally ignored her. Rude.

“What?”

Jeff chuckled. “It's just, what you just said was pretty hot and I would just like to kiss you right now.”

Noone had ever initiated a kiss this casually and Y/N didn't care anymore at this point. She knew that the second Carly had told her to talk to Jeff, her mission of protecting herself from him and the eventual heartbreak, would be cancelled. And she was a 100% right.

“I guess I have a thing for people apologizing. Especially if they are as pretty as you.” Y/N shivered. That was, in a weird way, the sweetest thing she had heard in a long time and she couldn't help but nod her head ‘yes’.

Jeff didn't hesitate for another second. Too strong was the longing he had felt for her from the second she introduced herself to him months ago. He pushed his lips against hers, forcing her to stand on her tippy toes and locking her hands on his shoulders for support. They shared a closed mouth kiss for a couple of seconds before Jeff grabbed the back of her head with one hand. The other sneaking down her spine and stopping at the small of her back to push her even closer to him. A small whimper escaped Y/N’s lips and Jeff took that opportunity to slide his tongue in her mouth to french kiss. He explored her mouth, not leaving one corner untouched or unappreciated. Jeff was good at it. He was so good at it that Y/N just let herself fall into the kiss and let him take the lead, not even ringing his tongue for dominance. After a couple of seconds, she snuck her hands up his neck and buried her fingers into the buzzed hair on the back of his head. The stubbles tingled her skin and she just melted farther into his body. 

They broke apart after what felt like hours. Both panting, they looked at each other still wrapped into one another. There was a comfortable silence and tension between the two of them that was buzzing in their heads like electricity.

“You know, I always liked you, Y/N. I knew you would drop your act, eventually and just be mine.” Jeff grinned down to her, knowing he had finally won her over.

“Keep up that attitude and I can't promise anything.” Y/N smiled, too. She was willing to see where this was going, but for now she would just live in the moment and enjoy the time, in which no one gave her a reason to worry about anything. Especially not Jeff.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 03

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren't meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

03 // dumb excuse

word count: 2.3k

a/n: hello hello, part three is here!! lmk what you think hehheheh 👀✨

part 4 will be on July 16th, 8:00 PM EST!

« prev | next »

masterlist

"Wait, so you're saying, Choi Seungcheol, aka Mr. Boy I Loved # 12, volunteered to help you retrieve your letters back?" Jiyeon asked in disbelief before taking a sip on her carton of milk.

"I know right! God, I don't know what went inside his head for him to decide to help me," you groaned, "What if he's just doing it to make fun of me?" With a whine, you buried your face in your arms.

"I doubt it," you heard Hyerim respond from behind you. Tray in hand, she makes her way towards Jiyeon and takes a seat beside her, "I think he's gonna expose you to his friends first, before making fun of you."

You threw your crumpled trash at her and shot her a glare, "I hate you," once again, you let yourself drown in your arms.

"I'm only joking," Hyerim laughs, "Besides, Seungcheol really is a nice guy. I'm sure he's genuine in trying to help you," you could hear Jiyeon hum in agreement.

You let out a huff, "I hope you're right— I have to meet up with him in a while," you took a glance at your watch— ten minutes until you and Seungcheol had to meet. He agreed to give you back your letter, and afterwards, the both of you were to formulate a plan on how to retrieve the rest.

"Uh oh, you better head out then," Jiyeon remarked, "I could see one of your ex obsessions breaching the perimeter," she nudged her head at one of the cafeteria tables. You slowly turned your head towards the direction, letting out a groan upon seeing your editor-in-chief, Jeon Wonwoo. If he won't confront me about the letter, then he's definitely gonna kill me for not heading to the clubroom yesterday— none of which I'd like to experience just yet.

You grabbed your bag in a rush and stood up, "I'll see you guys later," you bid your friends farewell before briskly walking towards the cafeteria's exit, hoping that the male didn't see you.

You let out a sigh of relief once you reached the hallway. You heard a buzz coming from you pocket and you assumed that was Seungcheol.

[seungcheol: hey im at the tables outside. where are you]

[you: im omw, had to deal with sth just now]

You finally arrived at your destination. You scanned the area for any sight of the male, and you managed to spot him sitting on one of the tables at the far end, tapping away on his phone.

[you: im here]

Immediately, he looked up from his phone. A large smile appeared on his face upon meeting your eyes. He waved his hand, beckoning you to come over, and you followed. You could feel a slight tinge of nervousness as you neared closer to the male.

"Hey," Seungcheol greeted you, a grin on his face and you offered him a tight lipped smile in response. His happy expression morphed into a frown, "What? You still don't trust me?" He pouted.

"It's— It's not that," you bit your lip, looking away from the male, "I'm just embarrassed— that's all," you heard him chuckle at your explanation, causing you to glare at him. He patted his hand on the chair beside him, urging you to take a seat. The glare on your face was still present as you sat down.

"No need to be embarrassed, Y/N, it's all in the past," Seungcheol opened his bag, his hand reaching in for something. In one swift motion, he pulls out your letter, "Here," he smiles at you, "I'm sure you've been wanting to get your hands on this."

Letting out a small shriek, you snatch the object from his grasp, "Oh my god, my baby—" you bring the letter to your chest, a relieved sigh escaping your lips. You stay in that position for a while, not paying any attention to the male that's been looking at you with a small smile on his face the entire time.

"Damn, I knew it was important to you , but I didn't know it meant that much," Seungcheol's voice interrupts your mini-episode. You sneered, "Of course, you wouldn't know," you stayed silent for a moment before facing the male, "But, thank you."

The gentle smile on Seungcheol's face never falters, "No problem," he adjusts his seating position before speaking up once again, "So, what are you planning on next?"

You rested your chin on your palm, your free hand twiddling with the letter, "I don't know, " You sighed, "But as much as possible, I'd like to avoid facing my disaster head-on, thank you very much."

A disapproving sound escaped Seungcheol's lips, "Tsk, that won't do," He scolded you, "You won't be able to accomplish anything if you do that,"

"What else can I do?" You groaned, "I don't exactly have the guts of steel, Mr. Choi Seungcheol."

"That's why I'm here, Y/N," he sent a wink at your direction. God, you really wanted to smack him, but he was right. You won't be able to go anywhere if you don't confront them— that is unless you consider sneaking around and taking the the letters without their knowledge, which you're totally up for, by the way.

Your meeting with Seungcheol sadly got cut short by the bell ringing. The both of you stood up and started to gather your things. You slipped the letter into one of your notebooks— you'll place it in a safe box later when you get home. One down, twelve more to go.

The both of you head inside the school building in silence. Seungcheol tapped your shoulder, causing you stop your legs. You face the male, raising your brow at him as you wait for what he has to say.

"I'll talk to you later, yeah? Tell me if anything happens," he smiled. You gave him a quick nod before the both of you finally parted ways.

Surprisingly, you managed to trek down the hallway without having to hide yourself in another locker or having to run another god forsaken marathon. You hadn't ran into any of the boys yet which is definitely good on your part since you weren't mentally prepared to face any of them yet (Seungcheol was an exemption).

You entered class, and lo and behold, Seungkwan was sitting on the desk right beside the door. You let out a yelp, loud enough for half of the class to hear, and you quickly slapped your palm onto your lips. Luckily, the professor wasn't around yet— with yesterday's events, he probably wouldn't let this one slide.

You timidly shuffled around the classroom and decided to sit down at the very back— not your preferred seat, but you wanted to avoid the male as much as possible. While taking out your things, you heard the screech of a chair from beside you, followed by the sound of someone sitting down. You turn your head to see who had decided to sit next to you, and the moment you saw the person— you paled, eyes widening and choking on literally nothing in the process.

"Don't think you could run away just like last time, Y/N— you have some explaining to do," Seungkwan warned you before giving his attention to your professor that had just made his arrival.

Okay, that was unexpected. You only anticipated three things to happen whenever any of the boys decide to confront you— they'll either reject you (obviously), make fun of your cheesy writing, or profess their love for you in return (highly unlikely). You clearly didn't expect a threat.

For the rest of the class, you could only think about Seungkwan's words. You yourself know that you obviously had to explain things, but how did he know? You mentally cursed at yourself. Focus on class, Y/N, think about this shit later. You weren't gonna lie, this entire situation was really giving off a negative impact on your studies— well, your whole life, in general— but all you could do was suck it up, the educational system doesn't give a fuck about the students' well being, anyways.

The bell rang, signalling the end of your class and the beginning of your ruin.

You raced towards the door, hoping to evade the male's confrontation, but for some reason, the path to the door seemed way longer than it was supposed to be (plus the fact there's literally a large mass of students trying to get out, as well). You had no choice but to accept your dreaded fate.

Seungkwan appeared beside you, holding a tight grip on your wrist in case you try to run away (a good idea on his part). You furrowed your brows. It confused you as to why he was so adamant about having you to explain the reason for the letter. Maybe it could be something else? If so, then it must be really really bad for Seungkwan to act like this. At that thought, your nerves started to surface even harder than before.

Upon reaching the hallway, Seungkwan wordlessly dragged you to a corner. The students that were around gave the both of you questioning looks as you passed them by. The male decided to stop, and without even giving you much time to think, he uttered out,

"What the fuck?"

Your features morphed into a mix of confusion and alarm. What? The male probably noticed your expression, and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, Y/N, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it's not fucking funny," Seungkwan glared at you, causing you to flinch. "Vernon approached me yesterday after school, saying he received a letter from you— a love letter, to be more specific," the male's glare doesn't leave his features.

"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

You bit your lip, trying to think of the proper words to say, "I—I can explain, Seungkwan—"

"You better," he snapped. "I honestly do not understand you, Y/N. We used to be friends— hell, Vernon even considered you to be his best friend, years ago. I know it may have already been six years, but do you think it's okay to try and lead two people on?"

You stayed silent. You wanted to wait for him to finish before reasoning yourself out.

"Not to mention that one of the two literally used to be the closest with you, Y/N." Seungkwan's tone started to become softer, "He may have left that day, Y/N, but Vernon doesn't deserve the shit that you're trying to pull."

Seungkwan looked at you, waiting for what you have to say. You breathed in, hoping that the male would understand you explanation.

"That was never my intention, Seungkwan, " he scoffed but didn't say anything, "Actually, those— those letters weren't supposed to be sent in the first place."

Seungkwan eyed you in disbelief, "I thought you were smart, Y/N, but that's got to be the dumbest excuse I've ever heard."

"I'm telling the truth, Seungkwan. You were never meant to read that— those letters were written for myself," You explained. It's clear that the male still doesn't believe you, but you persist, "I wrote Hansol's letter after he left for America, I wrote your letter when you rose me up while I was absolutely devastated that he left. Everything inside those letters were true— I really did love the both of you."

Seungkwan didn't say anything, but his eyes remained on you.

"And you were never meant to find out."

It was quiet— the only sound that emanated from the both of you was the sound of your heavy breathing. Seungkwan didn't look at you, his eyes were focused on the ground beneath him. You pressed your lips together, afraid if the male believed your words or not. A sigh escaped Seungkwan's lips, he raised his head and looked at you in the eye.

"Alright," he breathed, "I believe you."

It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from your shoulders. You were about to collapse onto the floor out of relief (and you really couldn't face him anymore after all of that), but Seungkwan wasn't finished.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm still not mad at you," Your face dropped. What else does he want? Your mouth formed into a frown. The window seemed really tempting right now.

"I'll be honest with you, Y/N. I was actually really pleased upon receiving your letter, but Vernon wasn't," Seungkwan stated, distress evident in his voice and features, "To put it in simple terms— he feels like shit."

You furrowed your brows, "Wait, why?" Seungkwan let out a sigh, his hands started to fidget.

"I don't know what exactly you wrote in his letter, but he says he feels really bad for leaving you," he explained, "I mean, he felt bad even before, obviously, but he feels like absolute shit for breaking your heart without knowing."

Oh no. Your heart fell. You didn't want anyone— especially Vernon— to feel that way because of you. It wasn't his decision to leave in the first place. If anyone were to blame, that was you for literally having zero control over your feelings.

"Listen, Y/N," Seungkwan's stern tone interrupted your turbulent thoughts, "I'm not returning your letter unless you talk to Vernon."

"I was planning on talking to him, anyways! God, I can't just let him beat himself up for that," Your voice ended up being louder than expected, eliciting a flinch from the male before you. You mumbled out a quiet 'sorry' before speaking out again.

"But," You sighed, not looking at the male, "I don't think I'm ready to talk to him yet."

"I'll be keeping your letter for the meantime, then," Seungkwan remarked, "As his best friend, I can't stand seeing him like that, Y/N. But he won't listen to anything I say— he'd only listen if it comes from you."

Your eyes were stuck to the floor as you heard Seungkwan making his leave. You stood there in silence, reflecting on what the male had just said. Closing your eyes, you let out a sigh.

You'll talk to Vernon sooner or later, but for now, you have other problems to deal with.

[princeoftennis-imagines]

Headcanons for Akutsu, Kaidoh, and Yuta reacting to their female S/O being physically bullied by a group of people and she eventually snaps and starts acting crazy on the bullies?

for crazy, i just made her knock the ring leader out haha. but i hope you enjoy! ❤️

[tw] minor violence ahead. pls read w caution!!

- - - - - - - - - *

Akutsu:

you’d be upset at first that you were getting bullied, especially by a group of random people. they would physically and verbally bully you to the core.

obviously you’d keep it from akutsu as long as you could, knowing damn well he could literally kill them

one day, they had stolen the bracelet akutsu had gave you as birthday gift and broke it right in front of you, angering you to bits.

“what are you gonna do about it, (Name)?” one of them said, almost shoving you. they all laughed at your humiliation.

akutsu happened to turn around the corner, the sight immediately angering him. he balled up his fists, not being able to control his anger.

but as he was about to do something, you had punched the bully straight in the face, knocking her out and screamed at the other two in the back angrily.

“you wanna try me now?! ive had ENOUGH!” eventually, they would be frightened and ran away.

akutsu would be internally shocked, but would walk up to you, slapping the back of your head a little too hard.

“don’t be stupid. you’re putting yourself in more danger and im gonna have the trouble to watch over you all the damn time, idiot. i could handle a fight more than you could ever!” he would scold harshly, but you knew he cared for you, “yet i can’t say im not proud..”

he made a mental note to take care of the rest of them himself the next day for hurting his s/o. no one should EVER lay a hand on his s/o or they would never see the light again.

wouldn’t admit it, but would secretly watch you from now on, not wanting the same situation to happen

they never spoke to you again after the incident in fear for both their lives and reputation.

Kaido:

unfortunately for you, a group of people would physically attack you from time to time. this ranged from pushing to leaving tacks in your shoes.

kaido wouldn’t realize at first, always being the busy bee he is, but would notice your change in behavior all of a sudden.

he wouldn’t force it out of you but would question your strange behavior constantly, worried about you.

eventually, he would follow you around secretly to see if something was going on, the pit of worry in his chest building up.

he would catch the scene redhanded and would get furious once he saw the person slap you harshly on your cheek. he winced at the sharp sound, almost wanting to choke them out.

“HEY!” he yelled angrily, stomping towards your direction. “what do you think you’re d-“

but before he could finish or make it to you, you grabbed their neck and slammed them against the wall, almost scaring Kaidō away.

“if you wanna act tough, then i guess you gotta take the hit, bitch.”

you’d pull you hand back and deck them hard, seeing them fall to the ground, unconscious. you glared at the other bullies who slowly backed away, shouting apologies.

he would be utterly terrified to make you angry from now on, but would be relieved seeing that you could defend yourself.

he would touch the red spot on your cheek and you’d wince harshly. when he brought you to the infirmary, he looked at you with a guilty look. “why didn’t you tell me, (Name)?” you explained that you didn’t want to add on to his burden and he shyly brought you into a hug, “don’t hesitate next time. im always here no matter how busy i am.. fshuuuu..”

for the next few weeks, the seigaku tennis team (esp momo, inui & ryoma) would be on their asses for hurting someone important to their teammate

Yuuta:

you would get bullied by a group of guys due to the fact that you rejected the ring leader when he confessed to you.

you thought it was ridiculously they’d resort to physical tactics but tried your best to ignore them, hoping they’d go away.

eventually yuuta would get worried at your sudden quietness. you were always so happy and energetic, but lately you were acting strange. “(Name)-san, a-are you okay?” you’d nod and lean your head against his shoulder, wanting to avoid the subject. of course, he didn’t let that slide but decided to give you time.

one day, as you both were heading home from school, the same group of guys saw you two and decided to mess around a bit.

“Look at (Name),” he laughed harshly, earning a confused but suspicious look from yuuta, “she’s bringing her boyfriend over to protect her cause she couldn’t handle us herself.”

yuuta would realize what was happening and why your behavior changed all of a sudden, almost angering him. he gritted his teeth. “don’t bother her, or you’ll regret even going near us.”

they would laugh at yuuta, and mock him, only worsening that anger. you would pull him away, and he obliged, not wanting you to feel uncomfortable.

but when the guy pulled yuuta back harshly, something snapped in you, seeing your own boyfriend get hurt.

“aw, did we anger little (Name)?” yuuta was about to punch them until you grabbed the arm that touched yuuta and twisted it at an odd angle.

he watched as you kicked him where the sun doesn’t shine and threw him to his bystanders harshly, making them all fall at once. “dont EVER touch my boyfriend again!”

they would all be on the ground, dizzy from the impact. he looked back once more at the group, a venomous tone escaping his mouth, “next time you have an issue, come to me and ill gladly teach you a lesson.”

yuuta would place a hand on your back and guide you away, searching you for any injuries. “next time, p-please tell me. you honestly had me worried sick.” he scolded, obviously worried. “i know i don’t say it a lot but i-i love you and i wouldn’t want anything happening to you.”

he would kiss your cheek, and walk you home with a red beat face.

[jessicaabuscemi]

Interview #1

I conducted this interview over the phone through messaginng due to covid precautions.

Me (interviewer):

For this interview I’m just going to ask you some questions about your internal thoughts and feelings. Just try to respond honestly about your emotions and how you felt! Im gonna number them off so you can number your responses.

1) Where was your mental state before the pandemic took place?

Friend (participant):

My mental state before covid was good. I had some occasional anxiety but, other than that I was fine.

Me:

2) How did you feel once moving away to college

how did you feel once you were at college?

Friend:

Moving away to college I was super excited because I was going away. I got to experience living on my own and not having my parents around 24/7. I enjoyed the first few weeks at school but eventually because I covid I got a little depressed and missed my friends at home. It was hard making new friends with classes online. I felt lonely at school and beyond stressed.

Me:

3) How did you feel once you officially moved home from college?

Friend:

When I moved home I was very happy. I couldn’t wait to move home and finally be with my friends and family. I also couldn’t wait to leave my toxic room situation at school and once I was home that stress went away and I felt so relieved.

Me:

4) Do you feel going away college improved your mental state?

Why or why not?

Friend:

I think going away to school made things worse just because I had bad roommates and didn’t get to meet new people because of classes online. The only good thing that helped my mental state was joining my sorority. I was very stressed at school and always felt like I carrying around a bag of rocks on my back.

Me:

5) When would you describe to be the lowest time in your life mentally?

Friend:

The lowest time in my life mentally was probably when I had shoulder surgery in 2019. I was struggling through an injury that took me out of soccer and wearing the sling made me feel so ugly. I also felt like a burden with friends and family because I constantly needed help and assistance for 5 weeks. I was sad after being rejected by a guy and then felt ugly because I could barely lift my arm up to do my my hair and makeup. All together it was a rough time in my life and I was pretty sad and frustrated.

Me:

6) As of today where does your mental state rest?

What is the cause of this current state?

Friend:

My mental state now I feel like is better than it was in question 5 but due to covid I’ve had some personal struggles with finding motivation and some other things. I am a worrier so this pandemic has made me worry constantly and stress about everything I do. I also feel like I missed out on so much with freshman year of college and my senior year of high school so I’m dealing with all those emotions. Overall I think with the circumstance of the world right now my mental state is as good as it’s going to get. I try to stay positive and find the good things but somedays it’s hard and that’s okay.

After concluding this interview, I can say that everyone faces struggles in their life. These struggles may cause feelings of sadness or disparity, but you can not allow them to be a block in the road. Out of all the negativity, their is a brighter side to everything. Focusing on the good rather than the bad, can make a huge difference in coping with internal challenges.

[rqs902]

now im watching last week’s ep of tco4 bc i havent had time to get to it yet and i need to take my mind off snzm 

UGH its sad to hear xy, fsc and xiao huang talking about their rankings rip but their laughing makes it even more sad

UGH NOT FRUIT PLANET I REALLY LIKE THEMMMM sigh i gotta face the reality that theyre likely gonna get separated... but PLEASE AT LEAST SOMEONE SAVE XIAO ZHI PLEASE THATS ALL I ASK, im not gonna be greedy :(

oof i respect ma zhe saying that he doesnt want to win bc he recognizes other kids like FRUIT PLANET KIDS, zy and xiao zhi, are so skilled. he knows winning is just a numbers game and would not serve as proof of his skill. thats a tough place to be in, and it isnt uncommon but i think i rarely hear a contestant say it like that. “i dont want to win bc im not worthy” “i dont want to win bc i know im not as talented” 

wow i was a little confused as to why they were doing these solo spotlights but actually this is really nice! its nice to see them really going hard at their strengths and really pouring their all in to show off a bit. it can be hard to do so in a group setting all the time, and really it reminds you that there a lot of really talented musicians among these kids. i think itll also be good to remind the kids who are picking later what the other kids’ skills are and what they’re capable of. 

oh whoa i thought about there only being 2 bassists, i didnt realize there are only 2 pianists too

hm maybe im just biased but i thought xiao li’s playing was a litttleee bit cleaner than szb’s heheh but i respect that they attempted to even play a duet from across the room, thats a challenge 

i respect muji’s playing 

LOL why do xiao huang and zhao ke’s voices singing together sound so strange to me LOL 

LOL switch to ljt’s group and im just !!!!! HIS VOICE !!!! I LOVE LIAO JUNTAO’S VOICEEE and also the cafe vibe is so him LOL this group is so him

wait so someone explain to me why ljt wasnt in the solo section? is he considered a vocal? but what about his guitar skills?? 

im kinda sad jym isnt smiling when drumming anymore :\ 

YAY FRUIT PLANET !! i love how happy xiao zhi and wsh look when playing hahah 

AW talking about xiao zhi being like a dad and 包容 and taking care of them im ughhhh UGH THIS IS A MINI XIAO ZHI FEATURE IM CRYINGGGG THIS CHILD DESERVES THIS “the one who’s left standing when everyone else falls down” hes just so supportive and warm.. ugh watching him break down crying thinking about all he couldve done better and you can tell he feel so guilty and blames himself that fruit planet isnt doing well

HAHAHAHA EVERYONE WANTS XIAO ZHI !!! except szb lol but at least i know if they do get disbanded, hopefully xiao zhi will still be safe :’) im glad they all recognize his talent and the importance of having a bassist!!! 

oof xiao xiong talking about hyt being overbearing and reminding him of his ANGRY DAD thats a big ouch. it is true that xiao xiong’s skill level may not be up to hyt’s standards, but i can see hyt doesnt respect him enough as a team member. the more familiar hyt gets with him, the more he isnt afraid to show his true feelings of frustration. esp bc theyre in such a stressful situation, it must be rough as a leader. also seems rough for xiao li to be stuck in between this. from the beginning hyt has shown himself to have high standards and he demands high quality so he isnt gonna be the soft, encouraging leader xiao xiong probably would prefer, unfortunately. ouch the way hyt straight up says “this is going to be painful” like theres nothing he can do about it and they just have to accept it. like ps says, he’s not good at understanding other people’s feelings, like he doesnt seem to be willing to try to understand xiao xiong’s. 

the way hyt lists what other people are doing and then asks xiao xiong “那你呢?” ouch........ that seems really mean? manipulative? harsh? but at the same time, we dont really know all the context so this is just want tencent wants us to think.

hyt also wants xiao zhi???? I cant imagine xiao zhi in this group, even tho itd probably be good for his possible debuting prospects, but xiao zhi gives me such a laid back, warm, taking care of everyone, creating a nice, supportive environment type of leader, and this group is literally the opposite of that??? ugh and yet, despite their superior group environment, fruit planet is at risk of getting disbanded... so sad. 

man with the way these votes are trending hyt is gonna win and ljt wont debut? :(

lol tencent cutting the speeches of less popular contestants not surprised 

wait wat. isnt qiang ge very popular??? what happened to his votes? wait what. im confused. what???

LOL FRUIT PLANET IS SAFE IM SO RELIEVED HAHAH okay i know i came into this show for ljt but xiao zhi has become one of my picks too, i cant deny anymore LOL and also xiao li -- but hyt’s group’s dynamic makes me feel uncomfortable at the moment. but yea ljt, xiao zhi, xiao li are my top 3... too bad they DEF wont be in the same group / wouldnt mesh well in a group together LOL 

i love fruit planet group dynamic :’) watching them talk to each other just makes me smile

OH MY GOODNESS XIAO LI IS LEAVING?????? i can understand though, this grouping is not ideal from a music making standpoint either, like why are there so many vocalists lol but also i respect that hes putting his music first and he knows what he wants and needs for his music. even if it means leaving hyt who is basically a guarantee for popularity on this show. im so surprised xiao xiong isnt saying he will leave too.. or even hyt himself at this point. theyre all just... crying.... but honestly how can they make music without xiao li??? 

AWH my heart.... xiao li asking xiao xiong “你會恨我嗎?” i have never felt “do you hate me” hit me in the feels like this before. its such an OOF. and xiao xiong saying hes super close to xiao li, you can tell hes been under such emotional duress and xiao li has supported him through and now hes just conflicted between betraying hyt (who he wouldnt be here without) and suffering with hyt without xiao li there to help. this is so sad to watch..... ok but honestly just seeing how in this emotional time, ma zhe and xiao xiong are talking to xiao li and NOT hyt says something about how theyre afraid to touch him. 

what xiao li says about hyt being kidnapped by his popularity makes so much sense, with what hyt said about chasing after his expectations and trying to live up to them. hes really not relaxed. ever. and i think thats what xiao li doesnt want to work with. i respect that he wants to be recognized for his music rather than just be recognized. 

wat is this show doing why did they just stop and let them wallow in their feelings for hours??? wtf?? i mean i appreciate they respect that its a difficult and important decision but shouldnt they make them move on more efficiently?? what a waste of everyone’s time...

lol hyt learning some eq? yes you have to take care of your group members’ feelings, theyre people....

L O L XIAO LI GOING BACK ON HIS DECISION IM DYINGG HAHHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT A WASTE OF EVERYONES TIME HAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS SHOW. but okay yes i respect xiao li for having the guts to say he wants to leave, bc that hopefully gave hyt the wake up call he needed. BUT ALSO i do think staying with hyt makes sense career-wise. gaining popularity first isnt a bad thing. and he can always (continue to) prove his worth and make all different types of songs in the future, whether during or after his time with hyt. but staying with hyt = exposure, and thats never a bad thing. its just... hopefully they can resolve their emotional issues from here on out.

technically the smart move is to pick a popular contestant like zhao ke, to boost your group’s popularity overall. BUT hyt is so popular it really doesnt matter LOL 

L O L xiao li being like well i cant get the group i want anyway, so idgaf lets just keep on “戲劇化” HAHAHAHHA he gives no effs anymore

but also i cant imagine them with another non-instrumentalist LOL and what kind of style will they have now? 

ok wait let me go back to look at this:

hm yea the only other person of choice that would be helpful for votes is qiang ge. but i also cant imagine him on fruit planet???? ugh i wonder if qiang ge turned them down bc he feels like he’d ruin them like he blames himself for ruining his past groups. 

i cant believe xiao li said he tried to talk to qiang ge for 3 hours until 6am... to convince him to come to fruit planet? wild. 

UGH so sad that fruit planet didnt get a successful pick but honestly i am kinda glad mty didnt agree bc i kinda really would like to continue seeing xiao zhi play bass..... but ofc i guess it would be nice for him to show other skills too, ah im conflicted. but he really looks so carefree and like hes having so much fun when playing bass, id hate to take that away

LOL BASICALLY SZB CONFESSING TO MUJI HAHAHHAHAHA IS THIS A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA ALL THE SUDDEN HAHAHHAHA actually i havent seen them interact before but i can kinda see muji’s personality meshing with their group’s, like hes kinda quirky and strange too LOL its cool they do get along tho

OOF SO MANY REJECTIONS. but also muji’s right, last time he wasnt strong enough, so i respect that hes really trying this time. 

omg szb throwing a tantrum and trying to force muji’s hand is not very respectful to muji’s wishes and it makes muji look like a bad guy :( im glad muji’s standing his ground tho, this is not the time to indulge a child’s tantrum lol

on the bright side, i love xiao zhi’s laugh, so at least we got something out of this LOL

LOL xy so easily pulling fsc over LOL why cant they all be like this LOL save tencent editing time LOL 

i knew there were too many emotions on ljt’s team........ i cant believe as soon as szb is like marginally okay, jym is like NOPE....... L O L 

.....i cant believe..... they’re just.... cutting it off...... like this....... WHAT IS THIS SHOW AHHAHAHAH okayyyyyyyyyyyy thennnnnnnn 

oof wasnt 車站 ljt’s last song before elimination? i just got hit with a wave of sadness and memories oof i wasnt ready 

man its so interesting bc i feel like on other shows, the contestants are always like “i dont want to get eliminated!” but here its like “i dont feel like i can fit into their music, id rather be eliminated.” its an interestingly different type of setting. i respect that they respect their own music, but i guess theyre not thinking enough about their future career progression? if they really want to make it in the music industry? idk. its interesting bc i feel like ljt has struggled so hard since getting eliminated from the first season that i assume / hope he has more of a mindset of wanting to make it to the end.

anyway im kinda surprised fruit planet made it so high LOL but yay for them, i really wonder what will happen with them picking their 5th member. im surprised qiang ge’s votes are so low? itll be sad if he really leaves though. ugh only 2 out of 4 groups successfully regrouped and one of them took an extra 2 hours to decide.... lol. i still dont understand why that was allowed in the first place but okay. this is the most struggle elimination ep ive ever seen LOL 

[kimmyiewrites]

All those things I didn’t say...

These words have been screaming at me to get out and I don’t think just writing them in my journal will help so if you read this thank you. If you keep scrolling that’s totally okay too. Needless to say this is gonna be a long post of feelings that I can’t post really anywhere else because I’m trying to respect the people in my life that I will be mentioning. Since I can count on one hand how many people I know in real life that knows about this space, this is where these words will rest.

In January 2019 I started to see a therapist. It was a long time coming because well, I’d been through some trauma I hadn’t dealt with properly. One of the things that helped me on my healing journey was sharing snippets of what I had learned and how I was growing on my lifestyle blog that I have over on Wordpress. 

I was going pretty regularly until about October/November of last year. We had hit all of my goals and I was ready to go out into the world and start settling into this improved me. Then 2020 said Ha! You thought!

First came COVID and because I was a non-patient facing employee (I work in healthcare by the way, oncology more specifically - that’ll be important for later) I was sent home for 3 months. I, of course, was very grateful that I still got to keep my job but I was also mourning the loss of normal, of human connection.

Near the end of March my grandmother went into the hospital for internal bleeding. On Good Friday, she passed away due to her congestive heart failure. It honestly couldn’t have been a better day for her to pass. She was a big believer in Jesus so it was only fitting that she died the same day he supposedly did. 

I got to post and be vocal about her time in the hospital and then later on my grief. I posted a memorial for her on my lifestyle blog and I plan on continuing to honor her memory in different ways. I’m so glad I got to have an extra 21 years with her because you see 21 years ago we were told that she wasn’t going to make it through the night but she fought hard and continued to fight. So while I’m relieved she is out of her wheelchair and walking around in heaven, boy do I miss her with my whole heart.

That’s sadly not where this story ends, however and this part scares me the most. My uncle, my favorite uncle in the whole wide world has been diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and of course the type he has just has to be very rare and aggressive. He starts chemo on Wednesday and knowing just enough to be a little dangerous is pretty frustrating to me. He’s not receiving treatment at the cancer center that I work at and the one I work at happens to be one of the best so I know top notch cancer care. I can be an advocate and while we do like the oncologist (like there was even a sign at his consultation from my grandmother - the oncologist wore penguin socks and penguins were one of my grandmother’s favorite animals) I don’t know what services this other center offers in order to help him with the symptoms from the chemo treatment or to help navigate through this journey to get him well again because although it’s a rare and aggressive type it’s also treatable and can be curable. So that part’s driving me a little mad but I don’t want to bombard him with questions cause I want to help ease some of the stress, not add onto it. 

Now you see why I can’t exactly post anything anywhere else because then he’ll see it. By the way all of the emotions and back and forth and just stuckness I’ve been feeling now for the past month since his diagnosis is called anticipatory grief and it’s slightly different than conventional grief which is the grief I’ve been feeling since my grandmother passed. So I’ve been dealing with both types practically back to back and I just feel absolutely run over by a train while simultaneously walking a tightrope trying to navigate how to continue living my life after it’s been on halt, grieving the loss of my grandmother, grieving the loss of my uncle’s health while trying to be as optimistic and hopeful as I can. I mean the man has come back from near death before surely he can do it again.

If you’ve made it this far then wow, I’m actually impressed and just want to say thank you again. I also want to let you know that I’ve definitely started seeing my therapist again. I went back after my grandmother passed. I’m currently reading a book by Megan Devine called It’s OK That You’re Not Okay: Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand and it’s been weird navigating (like I said I’m working through 2 different types of grief at the moment) it but over all it has been helpful. 

Also if you’ve read this whole thing and have questions about mental health, therapy, divorce, rocky relationships with parents, setting boundaries, rejection, and grief, then feel free to ask because while I’m more than happy to talk to anyone about my journey. I’m all for normalizing seeking help for mental health and one of the ways to do that is to talk about it. My ask box and ims are always open! 

So there you have it. There’s my long ass post on my update to my healing journey that’s been dying to come out of me for a while. Basically I got to a good spot and then the universe was like alright now time to test everything you’ve done this past year but we’re only allowing like 4 months before hitting you with a shit ton to handle, good luck!