#im so pumped honestly
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loved you every single day
summary ⎯ what is love for the xianzhou guys? that's basically it. very sappy and tender and sentimental.
includes ⎯ dan heng, blade, jing yuan
tana's words ⎯ hi...
dan heng
⎯ dan heng had a vague understanding of what love felt like. before the astral express, he never really knew what love really felt like due to memory loss. but he learned, eventually.
⎯ he found love when himiko always offered to make another coffee cup for him (this time, with the blend he enjoys). he found love whenever march/stelle would check on him during the late hours of the night, knowing he'd be buried in books. he found love whenever welt offered to shoulder the burdens of keeping watch during trailblazing missions.
⎯ but he has never felt love like this before. not with you anyway.
⎯ there was a sense of loyalty he had for you. of course, he was obviously also loyal to the crew, but it was different with you.
⎯ you made him want to follow you towards the end of the universe. you made him want to run with you into the light or whatever awaits the both of you later on. he was willing to do all of it.
⎯ why? a lame question to ask, he thinks. there are hundreds of reasons why, and he could list them easily. was your smile and the way it instantly warmed an entire room enough reason? or should he add onto the fact that you were practically made of stardust and cosmic radiance? that you have some kind of miraculous or even transcendental ability to string words so brilliantly that it manages to calm the harshest of voices down?
⎯ and love was scary for dan heng, at first. there were too many hindrances and difficulties in his life. for one, he could not let you get caught up in his past. he wouldn't: he would make sure of it. for two, he wasn't very used to love.
⎯ yeah, there was the express crew. but there was also you. dan heng thought that he would spend the rest of his life alone. he still has not settled into his room on the express because he reasoned that he'd stay until the archives until he was ready to leave. but you challenged all of that.
⎯ how is it that one person could make him want to stay by their side forever? how is it that you have such an enormous effect on him, yet you aren't even aware of it? every wall or barrier he's put up, you've always managed to erode it down. you allowed him to be vulnerable and you allowed him to be carefree. you allowed him to relax. to breathe.
⎯ loving you, was to breathe, for dan heng. you were the gasp of air that he needed while he was drowning beneath the waters. finally being able to decompress and unwind; he felt lighter around you. less stressed, less worried. less stoic. less somber.
⎯ he has never even thought of love like that before he had met you. but you changed him. and he is eternally grateful for that. eternally grateful for you. you are his home, his safe space, his sanctuary of security.
⎯ so he repays you often. he knows what kind of tea you drink and how to make it by heart. he makes a cup for you every morning. you have your own shelf in his archive. hell, you have your own damn space in there as well. there's an indent of you in every corner of every room.
⎯ or maybe, dan heng is so accustomed to you that he sees you in everything.
⎯ he lets you read from his shoulder. he has a shelf filled with all your favorite books from various worlds in his archives. he lets you sleep on his body rather than the flacid mattress on the ground, because he wants to keep you as comfortable as you've kept him. his fingers trace your body every night you stay with him, to ensure that you are safe and you are here, and he is home.
"are you sure you're comfortable like this?" you ask, situated on top of dan heng's body. you're partly afraid that you'll crush him with your entire body weight on him, and that his back would hurt after tonight, "wouldn't it just be smarter to crash in my room instead?"
his chest rises and falls underneath you, getting slower and slower as time goes by, "if you'd like. we can go."
you bite the inside of your lip in thought. it would be safer to do so, for both your and dan heng's safety. but, to be honest, you were very comfortable and tired. "is your back gonna be okay after this?"
"it'll be fine," he brushes off, "besides, you've been sleeping on me for the past few nights now. i can handle one more night."
"huh???"
blade (contains lore spoilers)
⎯ love was something blade has always lived without. as a child, with war and battles as a constant on his homeworld, there wasn't any room for affection or anything similar.
⎯ but then you came along, practically shaking his entire world. there you were, dragging him off to drink god awful mung bean soda. to force him to go outside on days where he was over-occupied with work. to let him enjoy something for once in a while. to let him rub his thumb over yours in the quiet hours of the night, forgetting about work and all other duties.
⎯ he had never thought that loving could be so easy until he met you. it seemed as though time would stop in his tracks whenever he saw you. blade thought it was a myth coming from romance novels (one he had heard from you, ironically enough), but it proved to be, in fact, real.
⎯ and everything was easy. up until everything wasn't. it was one thing, then the other. baiheng passed, jingliu was extremely distraught. it was wearying to see everything go so downhill, so fast. nobody was ever the same after that period.
⎯ yet even after all that, you still had the same look in your eye. you looked at blade the same way you looked at him all those years ago. so much has changed between the both of you, and you know that the both of you would never be able to return to the past.
⎯ though, even after all of that, some things remained the same. for example, the way you never failed to take his breath away. seeing you for the first time in years had him going through a plethora of feelings: distraught, appalled, and slightly less dejected.
⎯ but most importantly, there were still parts of the other's heart still beating for each other. even if you couldn't love him anymore, you still cared about him. you cared about him the same way you did all those years ago.
⎯ you went out of your way to find him. you went out of your way to offer him solace, even if it was for one last time. why? he didn't want to know, he didn't want to ask. he has a mission: he has to pursue it, always. nevertheless, he still found himself underneath the sun's rays, as it managed to follow him wherever, saying, "i'm here. even if you don't see me sometimes, i am still here."
⎯ and if you still cared... well, there was still hope, right?
he's leaning over a rail, looking over the xianzhou skies and the starskiffs racing by. he hasn't been back in ages. it feels... strange; it feels as if he's experiencing his first day all over again.
blade is so fascinated by the sight that he fails to hear your footsteps come closer, now reaching his side. he only hears you after you clear your throat. he's startled, for obvious reasons: but, when he sees you hold up a mung bean soda in surrender, he's surprised at how fast the panic dies down.
"aren't you going to arrest me?" he took a step back from you. you didn't move, but instead held out the drink.
"i could," you dragged out, checking your watch, "but... i'm not on duty," the corners of your lips turn up ever so slightly, like you were happy at the fact that you were having a drink with a criminal. you pull open the tab and take a sip, then offer it towards him.
he blankly stares at your hand. remembers the feeling of it in his. now, his mind is skewed. maybe even grotesque if he wanted to sound dreadful about it. but there are few happy memories he can recall, as well as the feelings during them, and it seems like you are recreating one of them currently. and oddly enough, there are no feelings of bitterness that follow him this time.
he takes and drinks the mung bean soda, and to his surprise, it’s not as bad as it was many years ago. maybe it was because your lips were on it, or maybe it’s because the once atrocious drink did get better. and when he looks up and is greeted by your curious face, he hopes that love is like that as well.
jing yuan
⎯ years ago, if you had asked jing yuan what love was, he'd say something benign: love is indescribable. a simple answer for a simple man in love. but oh, has time took its toll.
⎯ it isn't to say that love isn't indescribable. on some days, he finds it worrying that he may love you too much⎯that his willingness to give you the world was a bit concerning at times. others point it out, but jing yuan chooses to be blindsided. but he is always aware.
⎯ aware. jing yuan is nothing short of perceptive. he has been around for centuries. he has been there for wars, for battles, for decrees. and it sticks with him: forever. he does not simply forget, yet he is forced to stay in one place forever. immorality may be a blessing for others, but a curse for xianzhou natives.
⎯ he does not give himself a moment to fully relax. even if it seems that way a lot (the dozing general needs his power naps), he is always back to his duties.
⎯ however, it's different with you. with you, he has no burdens to shoulder. he has no secrets to keep from you. there is no wall of tension blocking between you. with you, everything is for grabs. his feelings, his emotions, his heart.
⎯ vulnerability. many look down at the vulnerable. and in jing yuan's line of work, the cost of vulnerability comes with a substantial price. his guard has to be up at all costs, because if not, there would be another catastrophe. his act as a lazy general is just a rouse, because there is so much that's weighing on him inside.
⎯ in a city that flies, jing yuan feels rooted by the weight of the luofu.
⎯ so imagine the amount of unconcern he feels when he's around you. the feeling of rocks suffocating him has subsided, and you are here to remove them. and one by one, he begins to feel lighter and lighter as you hull them off.
⎯ and you don't get tired. you're still here. you keep picking off the rocks, even the smallest ones. you relentlessly continue until everything is gone, and the only things left are just you and him.
⎯ by now, he understands what love is. it's when he knows how your fingers have ran through every crevice of his brain, every knot in his stomach, every knot in his soul. it's understanding. it's being able to shoulder the weight of the world with another. it's someone staying to help you get the rocks off of your body.
⎯ love is being met with soft touches instead of daggers. love is being met with mhms and reallys while retelling a story from this morning. love is being able to speak about the past, the truth of it all, and allowing the light to peek through instead of the darkness. that is what love is.
"and then, get this, i found him in the midst of a fight with blade," jing yuan throws his head on your shoulder exasperatedly, disregarding the fact that you were halfway through your novel.
"well, he was doing his job," you counter, looking back towards your lover.
"i know," he slides a hand across his face, "it's just tiring. and i don't want him to get hurt." like others, is the unspoken phrase here. it's on the tip of his tongue, you know it.
you place a bookmark in your book before shutting it. you finally turn your full attention towards jing yuan, "he's strong. you trained him."
"but," he sighs, "what if it's not enough?"
you decide the mood is a little too melancholic, so you decide to lighten the mood a little bit, "then i'll take over as general of the luofu," you grinned. jing yuan smiled as well: your smile was infectious, how could he not?
you ran a hand through his hair, "you are good enough. i hope you know that. you won't fail yanqing. he's tough and stubborn... he sadly gets that from you."
jing yuan chuckles, a real chuckle, and pulls you closer to him as you grab your book once again. he presses a chaste kiss to your temple as he reads along to the same words on a page as you.
yes, things will be okay, he thinks.
hi y'all! i have been sooo busy w sm stuff lately, like i've been preparing for college and i've been going to the gym and i've been doing sm. updates have been scarce except like the 3 alhaitham posts (i couldn't resist). but hopefully during these last few weeks of summer i can get my grind back on!!!
#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#hsr#hsr x reader#dan heng x reader#dan heng x you#blade x reader#blade x you#hsr blade#jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x you#im back from the dead#ive had sm stuff to do like i had the college talk td and man o man o man#tbh some of my metaphors DID NOT make sense. i wrote this at 3 am like all my other fics#missing when i used to pump out hcs before 12 am 🙁🙁🙁#honestly blade's is a little short but i'm still trying to figure out his character so i promise u blade lovers i will feed u soon hehe
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SCOURGE SUNDAY 010/???
classic
#scourge wc#warriors#warrior cats#scourge warriors#wc scourge#scourge#scourge warrior cats#bloodclan#scourge sunday#<--just now realizing i should be tagging these LOL#anywayz in honor of getting 2 double digitz i thought it would be fun to redraw the scourge from my first like. Big Post#shout out 2 thos who hav been here long enough to reconize him#off topic but i figured a style of doing skullz tht ive been having a lot of fun w/#bcuz i find weeding vinyl stickerz rly fun n needed more designz so i would hav excusez 2 cut thm out LMAO#my fave is the horse skull#honestly i should probz post my like physical object craftz2 more thn just instgram im just bad at taking picz#n the insta is 4 like. irl shit like marketz n stuff#ive got a market on the 25th actually pretty pumped ive got a lot of neat stuffz#if u liv in/near calgary alberta u can come say haiii#not a very wc heavy table of course i try 2 avoid making 2 much fanart merch. but. i did use the older halloween scourge 2 make a patch heh#need 2 remake the stencil 4 tht actually now tht i hav a proper heatpress ive discovered tht the red ink kinda brightenz#n showz thru the white so i can hav it be just a big undershape anymore trusting the white 2 fully cover the issuez LOL#ok ive gotten way 2 off topic n this is entirely 2 many wordz. enjoy this scourge
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vincent voice claim!! hes auggie and anton's son ^_^
VA: Catbug from Bravest Warriors, voiced by Sam Lavagnino
#YEAYYYYY i finally had time to make this PUMPS FISTS#god but this voice is perfect for him ^_^ he sounds so baby (he is five years old)#im also planning to do voice claim videos for sleight and xin ya!! im still deciding who would be a good VA for sleight though#my first choice is vic mignona as tamaki from ouran because sleight is like really cool and suave when hes performing#but once hes off the stage hes very clumsy and dramatic.. the exact opposite of his stage persona LOL#im also considering eric vale as phoenix wright.. or maybe donald glover as marshall lee if im leaning more on the#cool bad boy type vibe...?? oh wait i think he'd also have a nice singing voice so maybe ill do donald glover instead idk#xin ya's VA would be ashley burch as cass frm bee and puppycat and i actually already have some voice clips prepared#Alex Walsh as Chris BW might work for Lucky but thats also undecided. either that or maybe gabe velez as ENA#hes extremely chill though so maybe Ian Q Jones as radicles would work too..????#Sarah Wiedenheft as Power from csm might also work for serilda but honestly im still rehashing her character so who knows#ive also made.. character playlists for xin ya and sleight... i already have one for auggie its posted on her artfight page :)#my art#myart#my oc#oc#friend oc#<- shared custody cuz anton belongs to bow lol#voice claim#oc voice claim#vincent#videos#animatic#augusta#anton#sillies family
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8 hours until i get top surgery and i’m so fucking excited
once i’m out of the initial recovery stage i’m definitely gonna want to talk about it a TON so if anyone has any questions about top surgery or things they haven’t heard other people talk about or anything like that, give them to me!!!! please fuel my need to never shut up about this ever again
#top surgery adventures#idk how invested y’all are in my personal life but HOLY SHIT#yes my transphobic mom is here and definitely gonna cause problems BUT#my incredibly supportive boyfriend best friend and sibling are here#as is my mostly supportive dad#so fuck her honestly this is for ME and im fucking PUMPED
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Bye bye, My Dxxr.
inspo from Summering by Jin based on original art by sidu
youtube
#akechi goro#persona#p5r#art tag#honestly. this too is akeshu#you can imagine this is from akechi to akiren#summer doesnt really fit them but the aquarium date was summer so...#i also have an extra of a close up i might post separately#bc this doesnt do justice to the lineart i spent way too long on#anyway i only quickly looked up stuff to do with fish#and of the short lifespan fish the betta was the nicest to have#and apparently french angelfish are monogamous :3c#though you cant really tell what they are here ngl#i mega struggled with the colours#i am no good at colours#i hope it looks ok!!#the betta do be lookin kinda dead#im cry the more i look the worse i feel#i was so pumped about this just half an hour ago#anyway i think i popped off with the bubbles at least#maybe they should have been bigger#ARRRGH IM JUST GONNA POST THIS#anyway please check out the original song and lyrics#it's not a complete fit but i did think it was nice#Youtube
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I'm gonna just post Twitter updates for the time being... I'm still a little burnt out on posting updates but I don't want to completely get out of the habit and Twitter updates are usually the easiest to post
#instagram updates are usually a bit more interesting/people tend to interact with them more#but theyre honestly such a pain bc u cant download stuff directly#plus honestly a lot of their ig posts lately have been various brand deals which i honestly dont care about#and it may sound silly but it gets a bit depressing for me to have to keep posting it#not saying theres anything wrong with it#its just one of those aspects of the fandom im not as interested in#and when that's like.. the main thing im interacting with via updates it does not feel fun#i want to try and catch up with chinalines variety shows theyve been doing recently#so i might livepost some reactions/funny things while im watching bc i think that will be more fun#i definitely haven't lost interest in svt im super pumped to see them in concert agin even if jun wont be there :')#i just think i need to take a step back and reevaluate how im interacting with the fandom so its a bit more fun#and feels like less of a chore#thank you for being patient with me!#melia.txt
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Dr Who: The Brigadier is a silly military man. He's stubborn, and unflappable, and extremely loyal to the Doctor and his men (soldiers). This man can deal with anything, like a champ. Water off his back, yknow?
Lethbridge-Stewart books: This dude is getting traumatised every single day and he doesn't get a moment's break. Anything that could happen to him, will. Will he cope with the trauma? not really. He's a resilient dude, but he'll just pretend most of it didn't happen, for his own sanity
#rambles#classic doctor who#brigadier lethbridge stewart#ok ok ok i cant say every book is like that because there's so. many. books... but the first two are#(i think 'forgotten son' is set only a couple months after 'web of fear'. 'schizoid earth' is set probably not even a month after#'forgotten son'.) at the end of 'schizoid earth' he tells his colleague/friend what he went through and how he doesnt know if he was#interrogated or in fact tortured (im in the camp of 'pumping him with drugs that force him the tell the truth and also make it so he can't#trust his senses and he's unable to tell whats real or not' is torture. it still hadnt worn off when he got back) and his colleague said he#couldnt take a week off. he legit doesn't get a break T-T#updating the tag - i've started the third book and the prologue is just about alistair's shit mental health and now he isnt really dealing#with it because honestly how IS he meant to deal with it?
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feeling a sudden urge to draw op fanart but i dont have any concrete ideas and my ridiculously long idea list is not scratching the itch
#i have worms in my head and they cant get out#im so pumped to moving this week (its not monday yet but you get it) so i actually have a space to draw#like i have a ton of school stuff and job stuff i need to do but just having my own little#desk I can sit at will take my autism brain and make it behave because ive tried everything and it turns out im dependent on desks#honestly this is probably the weirdest desire ive had in my life i just want a desk#in that pyramid of needs desk would be in the essentials#im rambling because i dont want to go to sleep but i have to so gn
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I've realized that this afghan I'm making is going to be Big. Material costs alone will be A Lot, more than I've ever spent on a blanket before. Factor in the fact that this is a handmade, crochet blanket, and like...
If I were to purchase this online, it would be Hundreds of dollars. *Easily*. The kind of thing I'd never even consider buying, bc it'd be way beyond what I'd wanna spend on a blanket.
But it'll be mine. I just gotta make it.
It's incredibly ambitious for such a new crocheter. It's only my 2nd main project, & the very first thing I'm making from a design, And Yet I'm making something that would cost hundreds. Not only that, but with bulky black yarn (everyone always says how difficult dark yarn is to work with).
Ambitious. Hubris, even.
And Yet!
It's going very well, so far. I've got 4 of 40 rows done, not even to mention the edging rows (of which there are 3). It was challenging starting out, but I've since gotten the hang of it, and it's so EASY... The darkness of the yarn doesn't matter at all bc the holes are so clear! I'm crocheting into V stitches!!! It really won't take me That long, in the grand scheme of things.
And I'm just kinda laughing at myself. Bc it's just like me to do something like this. Considering my first fanfiction I posted on ao3 has ended up being 500k words, most of those written in the first year of writing...
Yeah. Of course I'd start a lofty endeavor with limited experience and only Guts and Gusto to get me through it.
And just like with discacc, I'm going to make this good >:]
#speculation nation#crochet shit#for a minute i was a little intimidated. when i realized how much money is going into this thing.#(i maybe shouldnt have gone for the luxury brand yarn for this but OH fuckin well)#but honestly im kinda pumped. im just the type of person to do this kind of thing.#ive been picking up crochet so damn well anyways. so why Not crochet a several hundred dollars worth blanket#after only like 2 weeks of experience with crocheting lmaooo#insanity. it's Insanity. and yet i am doing it!!!!!#gonna make a Damn good blanket. just you fuckin watch.
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t4t vamery on my mind all morning. like a pomeranian trying to mount a borzoi.. . fantastic...
#thinkin abt them figuring it all out#thinkin abt him riding her and they get like 4 pumps in before she cums inside him and hes like honestly im flattered#screaming theyr so good#vashmeryl
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these templates are so cool if only I have a tablet I can draw on. anyways I will be on team transgener I mean team werewolf I mean. do u wanna see my profight. I mea
#art fight 2023#bakuspeech#as promised! linking my art fight profile a week before it happens babeyy#funny enough I will for some got damn reason be out of the city from next week until the 4th. so thats very cool of me#sorry Im like. slightly loopy. I am experiencing the Effect#also sorry for wanting to be on the werewolf thing without a single anthro character in my roster. would u forgive me#theres actually also an objecthead somwhere in there. I put bowlhead in idk if any of u guys even remember bowlhead lmao#current project OCs are not included bc 1/I wanna nail em down more concrete 2/theyre shy#looks longingly at the huion inspiroy keydial kd200. one day (preferably next month) you will be mine#Im honestly so pumped to do digital art again tbh I wanna do both! I wanna do both ink and digital! I miss it!!!#soon. soon#anyways. this is the news. have a good night lads. I return to job work etc
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oh tsats the book you could have been………
#tsats#the sun and the star#tsats crit#anti tsats#no hazel no reyna no fucking plot#i’ve talked abt this extensively but still. sigh#goodbye goodbye goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky etc#it’s been a few weeks now and honestly im more sad than angry#this book had so so much potential but it just threw it all away and for what. for what#it’s so much harder when you grow up w rick’s writing and just see the state that this universe is in now……#and can some of y’all stop being so quick to label every criticism as homophobia??#im queer myself and it’s just a shitty book no getting past it#i was actually really pumped for the queer rep but the weird pretentious wattpad-esque writing just… threw me off severely#im not saying the rrverse was fantastic at queer rep before but this book smashed any further ideas to pieces to do uhhhh absolutely nothing#im just… sick of it lol#🐋.txt
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The acid reflux is gone!!! YAAAY!!! That's one pain gone :3
#aria rants#im moving my body around now cuz i dont feel sluggish and nauseous anymore and maybe what my heart#needs is more exercise orz... i Have been exercising lil by lil. like doing squats and wall pushups but only for a short while#i think i need more than that now though 😔 i need to get the heart pumping way more so itd do its job better#and not be skipping a beat or palpitating cuz oh god thats so scary. ngl scarier than the time i fainted honestly#must be cuz it was so much easier to pinpoint the cause of that one (postural hypotension) while i cant figure this one out at all
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hi!! i just wanted to say that ive liked midoyuzu since i was like 14 and its been a few years since then (obviously) but seeing your midoyuzu art now is so!!! its so fulfilling to my past self who had like NO art to go off of, i guess? anyway! your art is super good and i love it so much <3
im glad omg? extremely late to the party but by god i am bringing snacks in here or die trying o7 was pretty baffled the first time finding out more abt their dynamic and looking them up on here to find maybe like two more recent posts and the rest from no sooner than 2017 or so askjdghsjkgdhjks but really THANK YOU!!!!!!!! happy to be of service to your inner 14yo somewhat ;v;
yknow what though the really funny thing is that i wasnt even that into them initially. just remembered that cute interaction at the end of xmas live and thought "huh these two r kinda sweet actually" and that curiosity is always a slippery slope into genuine investment and by god is tripping into it a favorite pastime of mine
#if i had to say tho honestly these two were both the last ones of their units i managed to get attached to properly#yuzuru has definitely become my fav of fine though but my actual rst fav is kanata LOL#also finding out yuzuru likes to draw in general is everything to me you go you funky master artist#cute critter line took me out back w a metal chair why r they so. auhhg#actually my good friend who got me in here Knows i was actually on track to becoming an ibyz liker but then. anvil fell comically on my hea#before i knew it theyve taken over almost every corner of my brain get them out!!!!! get them out!!!!!!!!#and i was already a ryuseitai fan and enjoyed fine casually but oh. oh god im a yuzurup too now arent i goddammit#SORRY THIS BECAME A RAMBLE UM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!#asks#anonymous#sometimes i forget that their actual interactions probably amount to no more than 6 or 7 times in canon and the rest is just in my head#that and i just think its rather nice for both of their characters to get along!! romantic or platonic#really sweet to see midori so pumped up and passionate about the things he loves and yuzuru getting thrown off his rhythm of the always#perfect butler who resigns himself into the background most of the time. theyre just having fun!!! silly guys#and yuzuru rly does enjoy art and nonsensical doodles even if people generally find it horrifying midori loves them wholeheartedly its. yea#okay im still rambling. ill shut up now i havent slept properly in a bed in nearly 48 hours i should go do that
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Leveled up our camping sleeping situation this year 👌👌👌👌 no more bouncy air mattresses that deflate throughout the night.. bf and I got ourselves some cots!! 🛏️✨ They are SO comfy
#im honestly surprised at how much comfier this cot is.. gonna sleep so good when we camp#also set up took literally 5 minutes.. the cot just unfolds and it's ready.. matress pad takes 0 set up#pumping up the air mattresses.. and especially deflating them to pack up took fucking forever#this was worth every penny lol im so hype#camping#personal
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