#im so happy to finally being able to get it
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(DarkBull)
I absolutely love the extra info given from these last 2 ficlets and I have thoughts opinions and praise to give
Carlos and Max!! The comfort Max gets from being in Carlos' presence. How he worries about his boys but doesn't understand the implication (said like Always Sunny in Philadelphia) of his actions and what that can mean for others! The gun! How many are just hidden around Redbull and Max's own apartment? When did Carlos become involved enough with crime part of rb that he has access to a gun and takes note of where it is?
More info on the trackers! I love the idea of the placement being the spine ( can't remove it without permanent damage to Max ) and the ankle ( Probably won't be able to walk normally if removed, can't run )
The list that Daniel and Carlos have and share about what makes Max happy, sad, etc. Their job is reliant on this mans emotions, they are learning everything they can.
I love timelines and im asking more for the vibe of where different fictlets fit compared to each other? Are they most chronological to posting unless placement is share (ex. pre kidnapping)? If you don't really know don't worry about it, I just like dates and numbers.
The jewelry! I loved the fact that Christian zoned so far into the bracelet being on Max's skin. In my mind, Christian and GP co-design the bangles and there was a heated discussion, so seeing that in person, on his pet's driver's wrist was worth the argument with GP. I like how Daniel and Carlos got him his collar necklace to symbolize their mark on him (Charles is furious when he sees it for the first time, Pierre did not have a good time).
Did Carlos have to get Christian's and GP's approval before he started the romantic/sexual part of his relationship with Max? If so how did that go? When did Daniel get added to the dynamic? You mention how Carlos just started to lead Max around and finally led him to the kiss which turned to more.
Carlos and Daniel just being in his place ready to catch him when he wants to rest. I loved the both touching part of "they care about me" and "If he breaks down in the wrong place people will die"
In one of your responses you mentioned "discipline". Can you show/explain some examples of what they are or when they were used (On any of the 3 rb drivers because while I think rb wants Daniel and Carlos to be disposable, Max likes them too much for them to be able to get rid of them in the way they did for that one employee you mentioned in 2nd ficlet)
Anyways, I love Dark RedBull and the way your mind has been coming up with progressions because I would never of thought of some of the plot points you give us! Make sure you rest and eat, college students unite!
carlos and max!! the way max really does deeply care for both of them, and in a semi-twisted way they do actually love him back- it just also happens that their jobs depend on it.
carlos was brought into the crime side as soon as his relationship with max moved into a romantic/sexual aspect. redbull pulled him aside after they saw the way max was using him as emotional support/an emotional safe space, and they basically told him "you can take that further, but if you fuck it up we're going to kill you", and also "if you're going to be around him like that you need to be able to defend him".
daniel got the same kind of speech. there are many guns scattered across the factory, and more than a few in max's "flat".
I use flat loosely because you'll notice in the max pov, he says his room at the factory. that's because max has his own space, literally within the factory on one of the higher floors. it's basically a fully kitted out apartment, except he uses his employee badge to get in.
the trackers!! so happy you picked up on the placement there, it was very intentional. the one in his spine is hard to get to without a dedicated surgical team who knows exactly where they're looking- otherwise the damage would be immense.
same with the ankle. if it was removed, he definitely wouldn't be able to drive anymore. couldn't run, couldn't really walk without a slight limp and a lot of PT.
if anyone ever tried to steal max so he could drive for them, they wouldn't be able to remove the trackers without max also becoming unable to drive.
it's by far the most permanent claim redbull has on him- they can't be removed without permanent damage.
daniel and carlos's list is the golden egg of rbr tbh. it's come in handy many, many times.
I'll make a timeline post when I compile stuff for the eventual ao3 post, but until then it's mostly vibes unless I specify lol
the bracelets and the necklace. oh man. christian and GP do spend a lot of time getting it just right, and then the actual screw is customized, so it's different from any of the other love lock bracelets. christian has the tool to open it, and max doesn't, so they're permanent.
the bracelet he gets from daniel and carlos is also permanent. it's not that the clasp is weird and he can't figure it out- it's that it's a permanent locking mechanism, and isn't designed to be removable.
it's so complicated with the three of them. daniel and carlos really do want to take care of max, and they really do love him, but there's also the metaphorical guillotine over their heads. they're both very aware that max being upset at the wrong time or the wrong place could end up with problems, so they have the responsibility of trying to keep him emotionally regulated. they take it very seriously.
ficlets I will be writing: adding daniel to the dynamic, discipline, max redbull reunion
thank you!! once again, thrilled that people are enjoying darkbull as I try and get the brainworm out lol. college students on top raaaahhhh 🦅
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the ask abt forced submission with taesan was me !! I LOVEEEE the way u wrote it omg. i was wondering if i could be 🌷 anon ? if possible!
the end when u wrote that next time he wouldnt comply just to see what punishments he’d get… could u maybe elaborate on that 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 honestly im so into constantly edging and not giving him a chance to release, even when he tries to not move but you just know his body so well. or just non stop teasing to the point where he’d have to beg to have you ..
hi love! of course you can be 🌷 anon, welcome to the family <3 i loved your ask ahhh i’ve been very into sub taesan so it was perfect 😵💫
he’d definitely retain his beat tones for the first couple times of being your sub, his desperation for being your toy not yet reaching higher than his levels of ego. during a session, he would falter after a while though, so it’s not hard to learn what you need to know in order to push his buttons to get what you want. his demeanor would change as he’s closer to cumming, calling you what you want to be called while telling you how he just needs you so badly. but of course, he is still a brat you have yet to fully tame!
when he doesn’t want to listen to you, he makes it his mission to be a complete bitch of a sub. when you sit him chest down and ass up on your lap, he’d be rubbing his length against the fabric or your leg like he’s desperate but your simple words to get him to stay still and count how many times you spank him would have him thrilled. he wouldn’t count, and your spanks would get that much harder, so hard that he felt dizzy from almost cumming untouched. he’d even be embarrassed with how pathetic he felt from almost cumming like that, but you didn’t know so he’d just let you continue hitting him as he thinks about his own masochism. in the end, he wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, feeling red and numb, as he begs you to finally touch him properly and let him cum. he’d be so happy when you agree to stop and sit him up, only to leave him to his own devices after you tie his hands behind his back, telling him to get off on his own. i imagine he’d be crying so much, not from the pain but from the neglect, thinking about how he should’ve just listened to you <3
#ilysungho#ilysh hard hours#ilysh taesan#ilysh anons#ilysh anon: 🌷#boynextdoor hard hours#boynextdoor#boynextdoor hard thoughts#bnd x reader#boynextdoor smut#bnd#bnd smut#bnd hard thoughts#bnd hard hours#boynextdoor x reader#bnd taesan#taesan bnd#boynextdoor taesan#taesan boynextdoor#taesan hard hours#taesan x reader#taesan hard thoughts
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WMMAP's paper doll book review
Ever since I got into WMMAP there was something I wanted to get more than anything else in the world. But no matter what, for some reason or another I could never buy it. My own personal Moby Dick, if you will... the extremely rare paper doll book included in volume 3's limited edition.
Today, my search has finally come to an end. Review under the cut.
It doesn't show that well in video or pictures, but Athy's eyes (and her tiara, jewelry and ribbon) are shiny! The holographic effect makes her eyes look truly jeweled. A very nice detail.
The book's cover and back. My god, Athy is so beautiful... A close-up of this illustration is actually used in the manhwa! As well as the Blackie plushie.
After this there are some pages dedicated to the instructions for making the dolls. I can't include them because of Tumblr's picture limit, but they are pretty simple, nothing too interesting.
Sorry the picture quality isn't the best. The book and its pages are very thick, so it's hard to open it and take pictures ; ;
Tiny Athys together! These figures show how the paper dolls are supposed to look once you make them. It's also a great reference for Athy's outfits.
Here is a fun detail. All the outfits have a "name" under them. In order, these are:
Chapter 7. First meeting with Dad
Chapter 9. Boating with Dad.
Chapter 13. Teatime with Dad.
Chapter 15. Lullaby for Dad.
Chapter 17. Lucas and Blackie.
Chapter 18. Blow~ on Dad's cheek. ("호오" doesn't have a direct english translation, but it refers to when Athy slapped Claude and blowed on his boo-boo lmao)
Chapter 21. Walking with Dad.
Chapter 21. Ijekiel and the angel.
Teen Athys together! The outfits' names are:
Chapter 24. Dance class with Madame Pompidou.
Chapter 24. First dance plan with Felix.
Chapter 24. Lucas and the "wrong type of smarts" guy. (I translated the names just to talk about this lmao. The literal meaning is "smartdumb" and it refers to Lucas saying Athy is "only book smart" because she couldn't understand Claude's feelings. Other translations could be "not that smart guy" or "not really smart guy")
Chapter 24. The sound of me striking gold. (This one is also weird. Literal translation could be "the sound of my destiny unfolding"? Tapas translated it as "the sound of my life turning around". I kept Tappy's translation)
Chapters 29. Debutante.
Chapter 35. Boating with Dad.
Chapter 37. In the library.
This is the "paper doll making" part of the book. Every doll comes with her pair of clothes, accessories and such. You are supposed to cut them, and use the little paper flaps and glue to make the dolls.
At the end of the book there are also some backgrounds to pose the dolls with. They are Athy's room, her tea room where she often has snacks with Lucas, the dance room from chapter 25, the outside of the Emerald Palace, and Claude's room.
I was thinking of actually making the dolls... but the book is so pretty that I don't have the heart to cut it OTL. Maybe if I'm ever able to get a second copy, though I doubt it because this book is very hard to come by.
That's all I have for you for the time being!
#Lithi can serve as a witness for how crazy i went hunting for this book LMAO#im so happy to finally being able to get it#as always. please dont repost <3 ty#also this post took me a long while to put together lmao#who made me a princess#i suddenly became a princess#suddenly became a princess one day#wmmap#sbapod#sbap#athanasia de alger obelia#athanasia#athy#wmmap merch#Oh i should tag this as#wmmap fashion
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4 MINUTES (2024) I EP 5 "How about this. How much do you want? Give me a number."
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#great x tyme#greattyme#bible wichapas#jes jespipat#tyme#uservix#userrlaura#userrlana#userfaiza#thai series#thai bl#bl series#the scene between tyme and great's dad omg - i was so scared for tyme#great's dad is terrifying#also jes' acting in that whole scene was amazing - like he was falling apart and barely holding himself together#plus something something about great's dad kinda being the most upset about tyme having been able to get close to great#im sure that really irked him the most - because that was a PERSONAL attack#but im happy that we got that sweet kiss between them but of course in this show it means that they got caught!#and then my final question is.......... can we actually trust tyme tho - im not so sure yet bc what if he is actually using great#mywork
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Anrir Husbandry
Husbandry tags: @egrets-not-regrets @liar-anubiass-blog @barn-anon @bleedingichorhearts @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan
@ms--lobotomy @nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog @c-u-c-koo-4-40k @the-raven-lady
@bispecsual
Edit: forgot to thank @justahuman1757 for help with some of the translations and other help
Song on repeat: Cradles by Sub Urban (also most of the remixes for this SLAP)
tw: smut, yandere, obsessive behavior, manipulation
Anrir cooed at the little human in his arms finishing up singing them back to sleep знішчыць.... знішчыць... His voice carried low and softly. It was naptime... they needed to sleep as it was good for them of course they didn't seem to realize that. His long back hair was tied back into a slightly messy bun as his nearly completely black eyes dart around the pastel colored room just looking for anything wrong. His Dragă wanted to work with children in childcare and perhaps it took a couple of years to get here since he had first found her.
She was so much happier since he had first found her... happy about their bond... no more worry in her eyes... no more stress making her hands tremble or her loosing sleep... no more worrying about her next meal or if her car were to break... no more crying... well no more senseless crying. He puts the child down looking around at the sleeping forms but he cant help but grin as this really was all possible because of him, Anrir purrs softly at the satisfaction of how well he has done his job... and how he has covered his trail...
5 years prior
Anrir was a drifter... he drifted around as he had yet to find his own bonded, which given how some legions seemed to be more inclined to get a bond; with Night Lords being one of the ones with very few "feral" Astartes it was only a matter of time before Anrir would find his. But Anrir in all definitions was a feral Astartes having been unbonded since he arrived forty years ago. However, it was fine as Anrir hadn't spent that time just moping about he spent a majority of his time politicking and reuniting with other Terran Night Lords long dead and of course reuniting with those who were under his knife when they were aspirants and scouts which he affectionately called them his kids.
He was also using this time to take a break, a forced break, from running his warband; not that he could run it right now anyway. But he would mull over plans for when he returned back to his time period... if he did was another thought. His eyes moved up to the sky as he could smell the water gathering in the air. Which meant that the group he was with would start a debate on if they were going to settle down or continue on despite the weather. He did not care too much and decided to wander off to look around at where they were.
He walked out of the tree covering that the group was skulking through as he looked at the abandoned parking lot he had walked out into. It was rotting away neglected and abandoned as the painted lines were faded and practically gone, the pavement was cracked with plants growing through cracks; with the asphalt under his feet turning to gravel as plants come to reclaim this section of human infrastructure. And Anrir... he savored this reclamation of nature and decay of it all. Compared to the prison pit he was born into on the other side of the globe; he had already made his pilgrimage to the eventual site of his birth... a town full of people whose existence was never known as a great chasm of the guilty was there.
But that dark pit in the ground was not there now... there were no babies being born in that dark hellhole... his neck tattoo had a phantom itch as he is reminded why it was put on his neck... as he is reminded that at some point he was truly innocent... he is reminded of the hand gently petting his head... the soft voice cooing at him telling him how brave he was being... as he remembers having tears in his eyes as the ink is shoved into his skin... he gently starts to suffocate the memories of a child long gone and a woman paradoxically long dead and yet had yet to be born. His eyes flick to the far side of the quiet parking lot as a car just sits in the dark. The only other thing in this lot, far from the flickering road light... he could hear the annoying buzz of the light as it flickered... the flick... flick... flick... as it finally goes out. He moves with soft steps towards the vehicle as the summer insects scream their sonorous songs it was almost overstimulating for some of his brothers with how alive this planet felt with no foe to focus down on. Anrir felt his gums itch like he craved an oral inhalant and the way the hair on the back of his neck rose as he wandered closer not giving into the craving.
Anrir had seen many homeless humans both back in his own time and here. His eyes looked through the windows of the car seeing how it was lived in, he could hear the soft breathing akin to how someone was asleep... the slow beat of a heart was barely audible to him as the insects continued to scream their songs. There was nothing special about what he saw as it was a baseline female just buried under an assortment of clothes, a towel, a jacket, and some blanket... a bucket with a strainer lid to collect the impending rain... he chuckled at the cleverness but he understood the need to just survive. He turned to walk back to the others but something rooted him in place. He could practically taste the misery mixing with the rain. His throat tightened as it silently moved in foreign ways but he knew what he was trying to do... to mimic the noises they make at humans.
He lets out a dark chuckle as they were right... it really was something that he would know when it happened. Worry soon festered in his gut as his eyes roamed over her vehicle and while he hardly knew about how it worked he could see the signs of disrepair. His nose wrinkled for a moment as he unclipped his helmet from his hip, slipping it over his head as the rain finally let loose. He listened to the rain slap against the metal roof of the car, the way she moved inside her comfortable cocoon for a moment, and the way water was gathering in the bucket... Anrir had to do something.
You did your best to ignore the Night Lord that was hanging around. Affectionate bastards you were told as you remember those videos of just them being friendly. You shiver at the memory of that one gang member who thought he was so big... being homeless you quickly learned how sleeping near warbands meant that you had to ignore certain things... certain sounds especially at night. Astartes always scared you... you couldn't point to any incident that had happened involving them just that you got bad feelings from them... a certain type of dread. So it wasn't exactly like a fear of dogs but the way they looked and acted they were so human... why were they here... you make yourself look smaller as the Night Lord with what looked like a metal spider on his back sat next to you.
You hear him coo and trill at you trying to get your attention, his head tilting slightly as you could hear the slightly distorted trill to his voice from his helmet, and you did your best to ignore him. Eventually he did leave you alone and you had hoped that would be the last you saw him. But, every day for the next week he kept finding you... he would click and coo at you beckoning you closer with those armored claws of his. It was the last day in the week that you broke and approached him as you chose to fill your car with gas over eating and he had shown up with food. You feel tears gather with each bite as he trills down at you and you feel him hold you close... you hear his purr... you've seen this display online it was a bonding display. You do your best to not choak on the hot food as you can feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes, really the last thing you want is an Astartes bonding to you.
You feel the Astartis petting your head as you eat, trilling at you and you're certain if he wasn't in armor he would be purring. When you look up at him miserably he coos at you trying to sooth the clear distress you were in. His hands flexing each time you try to pull away from him, "You don't want me to be your bonded buddy," You finally speak up and that just breaks something in you and you feel those heavy tears roll down your cheeks even as you try to use the heel of your palm to rub your eyes clean they still fall, "I can't give you anything." Your voice cracks as you admit that.
Anrir sat there silently as you tried to reject the bond… he could feel it fraying at the edges like a lighter had been taken to it. But Anrir was calm even as his entire existence seemed to reel on its axis as you try to push it away. Your voice cracking gave way to the tears that ran down your face, his black eyes darting over your face as baselines crying was familiar to him given what he was but it felt so different… so wrong. Why are you letting her cry Anrir? A soft voice in the back of his mind seems to say. He could feel it fray more and more… but Anrir was aware that when a bond frays… it never attaches back normally. There was also a small high for him as would this be how he tasted death? Not after millennia of being alive just some mortal woman would be the death of him? He would have laughed if it actually broke but he pulled her against him and you did not make the effort to pull away… and so the bond repairs wrong. He did not need anything from you except you.
How you lean against him trying to hide away. So he was okay if you couldn’t give him anything now. He didn’t expect you to give him anything in the first place… but a wicked thought plants itself in his mind. Perhaps it was old fashioned… after all he watched the radical social changes in a mere 40 years and yet like always the Astartes remained unchanged. But… why couldn’t he provide for you? Anrir was a capable Astartes and he did not survive this long by chance but memories flicker by of how generous others were towards their humans. He grinned darkly as he could recognize the signs now… oh… he had intensely bonded to you… he had read the manuals and grimoires both in person and on the noosphere… he had helped write some of those too… so he knew what to look for in terms of side effects and was filing away mental notes about his deviances. And as much as he wanted to act on those feelings Anrir was patient, he was an Apothacarion after all, and his Dragă needed to be taken care of. He purrs and chirps at her to calm her down and gets her to finish her meal.
Thrones, credits, souls, cash… it was annoying dealing with baselines as most societies revolved around needing a good or currency for things and this was not their reality or time period where refusing an Astartes was suicidal. He noted his lack of desire to skin the man yelling at his Dragă to get him to stop “loitering”. But he, like most Astartes, relied on each other and the complex network and ecosystem they built like a parasite on the infrastructure of what was already there or was it the other way around? The Iron Warriors and Imperial Fists would say they laid out efficient infrastructure… but he found resources; since it was no longer allowed to simply take humans as serfs anymore and just have them live in a base full time… not that the Night Lords had one yet. It would be a few more years till the base was operational and that would be a mustering point for most Night Lords in the area. But Anrir noted how jumpy his precious Dragă got at the idea of getting help from Salamanders or staying in a shelter; he was fine with her choice. He wrinkled his nose as her car was falling apart and he couldn’t fit in it and him being a Night Lord did not help his goal of getting money. However, Anrir had a long reputation having worked in the Consortium with Bile too being a prominent figure in his legion’s hierarchy, no matter how much he tried to stay out of the politicking, so when the Alpharii approached him he wasn’t too surprised.
There were treaties and edicts that any Astartes had to agree to if they wanted to stay near the humans. Besides the obvious of not killing any humans; which before Anrir was bonded was a surprisingly hard ask, but they were not allowed to mettle with them. Technology was to be kept away from them at all costs, no extending their life spans, no augmetics beyond simple necessary prosthetics, and a few others. It all made sense as it was clear they were not ready at all for the horrors of the wider galaxy… no they would not play a hand into accidentally smothering humanity in the cradle because they helped them reach the stars earlier than they were ready for. But just like how human killers existed… and Night Lord trafficker Hunts happened… there was always some bending and breaking of these rules.
The Alpharii couldn’t help mettle in the affairs of the baselines, it was their legion’s expertise, they were information brokers and information hiders… they modified records to hide the sudden birth of a child from a woman and a Astartes… to all the way of covering up when forbidden technology falls into the hands of baselines and there needs to be a raid. They had their fingers in many pies as the saying goes… and Anrir could not play the moral high ground for their request. They weren’t supposed to extend the baselines lives… there was the crude method of giving them a transfusion of Astartes blood and hope they survive all the way to getting the chemicals and components needed for rejuvenation treatments. The latter took time to get what they needed as they could only synthesis so much being limited to what was only on this one planet; and it was hard to keep the Iron Hands from getting eager in “helping” them be able to colonize the Sol system.
But… Anrir looked down at the old corrupt man. Such greedy creatures humans could be and Anrir could never be like his kin who were able to see themselves as being above humanity… Anrir was far too aware of his own humanity and also his own lack of humanity too. “How do I know it will work?” The old man interrupts Anrir’s explanation of what he will be doing in transplanting his heart, “You could be some… con artist.” He says with malice in his frail voice.
Anrir never liked nobles… and he was always surprised at how… self important they could be. His smooth voice answers the question before one of the Alpharii can speak, “My reputation,” He had asked the Alpharii before this and he was not bonded to any of them… he was very much a pawn that the Alpharii weren’t ready to loose yet, “your… companions wouldn’t have gotten me if they doubted my skills. The heart is made for you so there is no chance of rejection.” He says truthfully as it was child's play growing the organ for him.
Anrir voxes one of the Alpharii, “As for my payment for this?” He hisses letting his displeasure bleed through as how dare he speak to Anrir in such a way.
“Everything is set up in ways that won’t tip off the government officials to the sudden influx of wealth. And conveniently set up so that if you choose to help us again…”
Anrir waved his armored hand over his shoulder as his medical mechadendrites unfolded like a spider on his back, “Yes yes you lot have me for several surgeries,” He goes through the process of setting everything for fine movements and working on humans, “But please be aware should anything go wrong in the payments that I can be quite spiteful.” He threatens and enjoys the place of power he is able to come from given how specialists are in such short supplies here and he is certain there is only one other Consortium member on the planet… he knows his expertise is invaluable he is certain he is on many lists to be kept alive.
“Of course Anrir.” Is all one says and that was good enough as Anrir headed into the prepared room.
You were happy that Anrir returned as he did keep you safe and maybe you were feeling those good vibes that people always say they get around Astartes. But now? You looked at what was holding out to you with apprehension. You’re sure that it was a thousand dollars in his hand and you felt hesitant to take it from him as no one just gives people money and not expecting something back… your spine crawls at a memory… He just sighs looking at you passively and perhaps a little annoyed, “Dragă. Go get your car looked at and get it fixed.” He says and you take the money from him as your AC had died and you’re certain that also meant your heating was gone… “Unless,” Your eyes returned to his face as your eyes picked up the bit of white at the roots of his sideburns, “You want to get a bigger vehicle?”
“But I can’t-” You start.
“Don’t worry about money for a second Dragă.” He says putting his hands on your shoulders.
You squirm under his gaze as you considered rejecting it as Anrir gave you such feelings that there was something else he was after… then again you never felt truly comfortable around Astartes… always a lingering sense of dread but… “Maybe… maybe we get something you can fit in as well. Wouldn’t that be nice?” You say softly as you’re certain those cars are far beyond what you can afford and from what you heard basically never break down.
You hold your breath for a moment as Anrir cups your face, you could hear him trill at you, as he grinned down at you with a smile that you’re certain the devil himself would envy, “What a thoughtful Dragă.” Was all he cooed at you.
After that, with much fussing from him, he made you use the money to stay in a motel for a week and you don’t remember when the last time you ate so much food. Anrir in the meanwhile took care of things. You were torn on letting him do such as wasn’t this the reason you had a fallout with your family? Your hands shake at the memories… he ruined your life. Yet while you’re certain Anrir is doing the same thing… it feels different. Anrir only suggested what you use the money for never using it to tell you what to do… Anrir confused you but you took comfort in the thought that he wanted something from you that he could get at your absolute lowest… everyone says bonds are precious things so maybe you should trust him more.
Anrir makes sure he always has enough money on him as he was making sure that there was a positive association in your mind that he was able to provide for you. The fuss you made when he got the car customized so that you could live out of it as long as you wanted, he hopped it wouldn’t be much longer, but it was your choice and all he could do was nudge his Dragă. The excitement he felt rush up his spine when he heard you say “Anrir” in a specific tone… a tone he associated with his Dragă needing something… Dragă needed him to provide. Sometimes you were like a skittish animal only staying for the exchange but sometimes you lingered like an animal and he could get what he wanted from you too. He felt that dopamine rush as you tolerated his touches, the joy he felt when you let him cup your face, how loudly he purred as you let him nuzzle you, petting your head, or rubbing your back. He could still see the hesitation in your eyes… he could tell you weren’t as (warp blind) (bond blind) as other humans were and Anrir is fine with that in fact it made this all the more enjoyable for him.
Winter always comes too soon and once again Anrir brings up places you can stay over the colder months and as hard as you try you still can’t get rid of the feelings that if you acquiesce he will want something. Anrir himself is disappointed that you wont ask him for much more; he does use winter to get something he does want. He finally gets to hold you for as long as he wants, usually your whole sleep cycle. He’s slept in far worse spots and just being a little cramped is hardly anywhere near the list of worst rests he has had. He purrs loudly as you’re glued to his side or his chest at night. Cooing to you as you drift off each night with a full belly in his arms. Its hard not to drift off with how he purrs and the rhythmic beating of his twin hearts… this feels like it’s going to be an easy winter for once so of course you get sick as a dog.
“Poor Dragă.” Anrir’s voice breaks you through your sick haze as the chills don’t help but Anrir being so warm helps. “I know you won’t like this suggestion but as a health specialist I do recommend that perhaps it is time for you to live inside more regularly again?” You can barely hear the quiet engine over the Heater going, Anrir not allowing you to fuss about anything right now once more saying he had it under control, “Arata mizerabil... (Miserable looking…)” He says in Nostroman letting his tongue click as you bury yourself closer to his chest, feeling those ports dig into your skin, “At least something temporary, yes?” He says sounding a little worried, “Wouldn’t that be nice? A temporary place to stay till you find what you want to do?”
“Daycare.” You croak out.
“Hmm?” Anrir looks down at you cocking his head to the side surprised you answered him.
“I want to take care of kids. I like taking care of kids. Don’t know why… so I want to start a daycare.” You say but you soon get weepy, “But who is going to let me do that. Look at me! I’m living in my car running away from my family and I can’t -” You stop your distressed rant as you cough and your nose plugs up again making it hard for you to breath and you can’t help but squirm in Anrir’s grip.
“Shh Dragă, I’ll take care of you.” Anrir says softly a uncharacteristic gentleness in his voice you weren’t expecting from a Night Lord, “You don’t need to worry anymore, Dragă.” Again it’s a soft and warmth to his voice you didn’t know he could have, “Do you trust me?” He asks in a tone you have trouble reading.
Bonds are supposed to be good things… that’s what everyone says… you have a companion for life… and you can tell that they get so much out of what we give them as they were clearly made for something far more violent. But… did you trust Anrir. No… you did not trust him as that feeling never goes away… “What do you want Anrir?” You finally say after a minute of silence.
“You, Dragă.” Anrir says quickly breathlessly.
Again you lay there silently thinking… you didn’t know what he wanted… was it really just being with you? You’ve been with him for months at this point and you couldn’t figure out what he wanted. You did research on bonds from what little you could find and everything kept coming back to just wanting to keep their bonded alive and safe. You were scared to let someone in your safe little world but you were so tired of keeping everything so tight to your chest. Maybe it was because you were sick but you nod and let out a heavy sigh softly saying, “I trust you Anrir.”
His reaction was immediate as he pressed his cheek to yours and you could feel the purring in your teeth as it was so loud, your finger bones felt like they were vibrating, but you didn’t feel the quick kisses that he leaves on your skin. You whimper at the sudden affection. It was anrir’s quirk as he was odd with his affection as whenever you would seek him out for affection he would smother you in his affection but you were okay with it because it was on your terms… your gut wouldn’t stop at the feeling that sometimes it was on his terms luring you in… He presses a kiss to your forehead trilling, his accent thick, “I don’t want you to worry any more my Dragă. I will take care of everything.” His black eyes seem to glitter in delight as he makes his declaration. And you just let go of that tension a bit more.
You don’t know how Anrir found this place, it had a horribly short lease but you knew that it was just to get you out of the weather… you’re certain this place wasn’t built for Astartes in mind so usually that meant they weren’t allowed. You guessed that the landlord looked the other way if said Astartes was paying in cash. It was small and cramped... but it was warm and you could store more than just a bit of food. You were sitting in the tub as Anrir sat on the side shirtless as his hands were massaging shampoo into your hair. You didn't need help with your hair but that didn't stop you from leaning into his hands as he helped you feel clean.
Anrir chuckled at your gentle groaning and moaning as it was clear you were enjoying yourself. He enjoyed helping you feel this way helping you clean and take care of you in this small way... he shivered as he was cleaning his Dragă... he wrapped his Dragă in a nice fluffy towel... he carried his Dragă to the bedroom and savored the laugh that left your mouth as he just tossed you onto the bed with a bounce.
You just laid there, eyes closed, enjoying yourself... sure there was only one bed which was fine as you had spent most of the winter snuggling up to Anrir in the car, it was not the most comfortable mattress in the world... the apartment was quiet...no it was never quiet not with the thin walls... but Anrir was quiet. You became aware of how you were just laying naked on the bed... alarms were going off in your head as you feel his smooth hands run over your knees, feeling his thumbs push into the side as he spreads your legs open slowly. This wasn't normal... and yet this felt like what everything was building up too... but you were always told that bonds were selfless things, right?
Your skin trembles as his hands move over your drying flesh, your breathing shivers, you can feel the bed shift as Anrir climbs onto it. Your throat bobs as you swallow the nervous energy but your eyes open as you feel the bare skin of his legs as he had divested himself of his pants. Anrir's silent still as he presses his scarred lips against your cheek, his body leaning over yours as he settles between your legs, and you feel his hand move to your chin to slowly turn you to meet him. His lips dragging against your flesh as the scarred flesh presses against your own lips. You were close enough that you could tell that his eyes were not fully black... you could see the dark blue of his iris darting with micromovements as he took in your face. But, you could see the predator in his eyes... but it was something more the term hyper-predator comes to mind because what monsters would someone like Anrir need to hunt?
Anrir presses his mouth to yours more and you close your eyes allowing the kiss to deepen. Anrir had been nothing but good to you... but you worry... would he use this against you? You desperately hope that he wouldn't. "Mina..." His voice rumbles like thunder as his hands drag across your flesh in a way that feels dominant and possessive. You can't stop the shuddering moan that leaves your mouth as his mouth moves against the front of your neck, licking the way your throat moves in its swallowing motion. "Toate ale mele… (All mine...)" He says whispering to you in a language that you don't know, "Fiecare parte din tine… toată a mea… trupul și sufletul tău. (Every part of you... all mine... your body and your soul.)" He says again as Anrir presses his cock against your entrance. His mouth continuing its worship of your neck and chin as you open your eyes slightly and just watch Anrir with lidded eyes. He cups your face as his tongue presses hard on your lower lip before pushing his tongue back into your mouth just kissing you hard.
You knew you had fringe thoughts about Astartes... Anrir was just proving to you one thing... that they were far too human to ignore. Far too human and far too predatory... you could never get that feel good emotion from Anrir... from any Astartes really. They were all predators... they were man made monsters made to fight monsters that you didn't know would exist beyond the silver screen of Hollywood or the writings of horror writers. He pulls his mouth away trilling at you and pausing when he sees the look on your face. You were looking at a predator looking at prey a malicious looking thing that tried to play the part of a friendly thing... a wolf playing the role of a dog. "Anrir."
"Yes Dragă." He says as a hand cups your face.
"What do you want?" You again ask... because... you don't think he's lying about the bond but this wasn't normal? You felt everything rushing anxiously to a point.
"You, Dragă." He says devotedly.
You were tired... so tired of being on your own for years before Anrir came. Oh how much Anrir had helped beyond just the money he gave you and the food... just being here... even if it was wrong... even if... you were so tired. You pull Anrir into a kiss as you didn't want to think anymore! You didn't want to worry any more... you whimper as Anrir just purrs loudly as you decide to let Anrir take care of it... take care of you... just for today you tell yourself as you melt into the embrace.
You feel the slight discomforting sensation of your walls spreading open as his cock slowly pushes in. When it becomes too much your hand or foot pushes against his chest which makes him stop till your brow stops furrowing and you for him to continue. This continues until his hips are flush with yours and Anrir hisses in delight, "Atât de strâns atât de bine cu mine… draga mea… a mea. (So tight so good to me... my dear... mine.)" You once more don't understand him but you decide to not worry about it as he starts moving. Your thighs burn slightly at the stretch to have them spread open wide for Anrir to thrust into you. Your eyes close as you focus on the feeling and enjoy that he doesn't ask you to look at him but that doesn't stop him from talking, "Mă simți fată frumoasă? (Do you feel me pretty girl?)" He trills in that unknown tongue, "Te concentrezi pe penisul meu din interiorul tău? (Are you focused on my cock inside of you?)" He asks something else perhaps not realizing or caring that you don't understand him.
He picks up the pace as he pants down at you and you just yowl and moan in pleasure. Porn making everything feel so fake when real sex sounds so unsexy at times but you had no need to make things sound sexy or be perfect. You could hear Anrir chuckle at an unflattering noise you make as he slams his hips into yours again making you repeat it. Eventually things feel tighter and more anxious as Anrir tilts you slightly so his cock pushes into you at a downward angle and you just laugh at the unflattering squeak and squawk that you make. Anrir laughs with you at all those weird and all those distinctively you vocalizations but you just don't care as no one is telling you that you're being unappealing... you throw your head back and arch up as you earned the right to not worry. You moan loudly moaning his name as you feel so good! You earned this reward! You deserve this... you deserve to just let go... you orgasm with little fan fair... just a simple gasp.
You feel so good... everything feels so good as Anrir continues to chase his release, the feeling of a bed against your back, the fuzzy climbdown from an orgasm, the oily drop of sweat from Anrir that lands on your shoulder, and the comforting stutter from him that stutter causes you to open your eyes to watch his brow furrow and you watch how surprisingly expressive he gets as he cums.
The apartment is mostly quiet... as quiet as you can get with thin walls... you lay there with him not thinking about anything... not thinking as you feel his cock softening against your inner thigh. He lets out a loud breath as he lays back in bed in his spot as you meanwhile are pushing away the worry about the consequences of sleeping with Anrir. You cuddle against his side, his arm wrapping around you, you feel the cum ooze out of you ... you're still tired of thinking... you're so tired of it... so tired of worrying why and what Anrir was doing for money... You put your head against his chest over his hearts ignoring the discomfort of the ports against your face... you just listen to the way his hearts beat.
Present day
You were in a much better spot than when you were a couple of years ago... you actually came into money, no it wasn't a rich distant relative dying but it was another person you had camped with when you were homeless. They had actually won the lottery and were being smart with it, which you think was more so their Ultramarine had helped in making smart choices. Though you had your suspicions... the Alpharii... a few seem to come by every few months some to coo at the kids, eager to find a bonded, and some to talk with Anrir as you watched them take containers from your home. But being given money you sudden just kept finding yourself with more money and it was stupid how much money you got after investing some of it... you didn't want to question it and Anrir was very good at distracting you.
Oh speaking of Anrir... he got you so many gifts. He would still give you random bouts of cash but he was finally acting more and more like how a bonded Astartis is supposed to act. You also were seeing how talented he was with his hands as besides his occupation you discovered his macabre hobby that all Night Lords seem to have... bone scrimshawing and taxidermy. You could point out all the time that he acted like a normal bonded Astartis and yet at the same time... how many gestures were more. You got outfits, jewelry, wines, your current house, and hell even your job you know he had a hand in financing... it spiraled out of control with his gifts that your friends noticed and asked who your 'sugar daddy' was or rather if he had any friends.
You smile warmly and wave goodbye as the last child finally gets picked up. You head back inside letting out a soft exhale and start picking up the room not getting very far into cleaning up when Anrir wraps his arms around you and purrs into your shoulder... purring into where he tattooed you years ago. You feel him give a playful tug onto the choker collar that he made for you, expensive thing and you know he liked you wearing it. You were lucky that no one asked you what Anrir was... everyone just assumed he was a Raven Guard...
"I can smell your worry Dragă." He says nipping your earlobe.
"I'm just tired Anrir."
"Then lets go home." He kisses your cheek.
"But I have stuff to pick up-"
"And this is why we hire others to clean," He says gentle cocking his head to the side, "You're worried about something." Anrir takes the toy from your hands as you pick at the seams.
You let out a heavy sigh bringing your thumb to your lips, "I'm just scared everything is about to go wrong." Anrir takes your hand to stop you from biting your nails.
"And if it does... I will take care of it." Anrir says with such certainty and authority that makes you believe him.
The breath in your chest you let out with a heavy sigh, "Okay." You nod.
He tugs on your choker bringing you close for a kiss as he trills softly, "I will always take care of you my frumoasă dragă (beautiful darling)." And you chose to believe it.
#space marine husbandry sentience#warhammer 40k#oc: Anrir#darling: Draga#carnal bond#intense bond#yandere bond#tw: smut#tw yandere#tw: obsessive behavior#I have been working on this for so long#the smut was debatable on adding it#but the longer this took to get out the more I was like#“Fuck it”#because momrad hasn't been able to write a lot#and so its like here's some smut guys#also Raven being super ovulating right now and just being unwell for my guy so yeah another thing to convince me to keep the smut in it#also sorry about the POV switching between Draga and Anrir#I enjoy letting people see what both of them think and feel and I know its probably messy but just... yeah#no beta we die like horus#no beta we die like sanguinius#no beta we die like ferrus#no beta we die like the emperor#these tags are a mess#these tags are getting silly#im just so happy that im finally done with this and can move onto other projects
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i was a bit anxious to reach out but i wanted to share a little headcannon i have for charles' powers^^
i feel that depending on the intensity of what hes doing at a certain point his powers turn into waves (though not necessarily visible) the person affected can feel it as a pulsating sensation and it can make their head throb
that and my other idea that his powers tend to affect gravity, but not making things float more like the exact opposite bc yknow how if u feel some intense emotion you want to just curl up on the floor sometimes? that but everyone has to now be it in a certain radius away from charles
and also ty for ur gorgeous cherik art ❤️❤️❤️ keeping the community alive
hello !!!!! thank you so much for sharin your thoughts, i LOVE the idea of charles' telepathy having physical effects on people (from the effect of his powers/his presence in their mind) it's sooo important to me .....
#snap chats#and thank you for enjoyin my art !!! always happy when i get to doodle the chaps ....#about the second bit tho i do very much like the idea charles can make someone feel So Intensely they crumple inward#not that he WOULD we know how charles is (tho emma def isnt above doing that) but the potential is there ...#In General charles being able to make people feel so intensely they get a physiological reaction to it is ALWAYS bellissimo#so i thank you again for sharing your ideas with me!!!!!!! i very much love them and i have chosen to adopt them in my belief system#as a final aside im always happy when i get some messages sayin people dont usually write in or interact much#its very sweet cause i know how awkward it can feel sometimes... so thank you all for your time and trust :]]#FOR NOW. i sleep ... for like three minutes .... goodnight everyone thank you for another lovely day of chattin....
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AHA thank u i was mostly just. frantically pulling the "no hetero" card bc farcille is super super always endgame for me and the "marcille has two hands" thing is absolutely not for me and my personal characterization of marcille
i like. can't find it anymore for some reason but there was a farcille fic set just after the shuro confrontation where laios reaches over to hold marcille's hand and ask her if she likes him or if she's just tolerating him too and it was so. the vulnerability. the puppyness.
that safety and security he must feel in knowing that she wears her heart on her sleeve and he will always know when she's unhappy with him because she will absolutely let it be known. the way that falin's first revival was the turning point for the way he felt about her because, for the first time in his life, protecting falin wasn't something he had to shoulder alone. there was finally someone else who cared about her as much as he did (in his eyes, resenting his parents for failing to protect her) and would stop at nothing to save her. the way it must have been proof for him that, not only was falin not alone anymore, he wasn't alone anymore.
idk why i like rather than dislike the fact that his only framework for parsing how he feels about "the first girl other than his sister that he's ever cared this much about" is a comphet romantic lens. like he would have the autism moment of fully assuming that he's in love with her for a while and just like. not? doing anything about it? because he doesn't feel the urge to, nor is he sad that he knows marcille would mostly likely never "feel the same way" about him?
like. he "figures out" that he's "in love with marcille" with all the passion of printing out a label and sticking it onto a favourite scrapbook for organizational purposes. he's equally happy to be her husband or brother-in-law so long as it means she stays close and is part of his family.
i know logically i should hate it but it's sooo crunchy to me. my comphet besties ever. designated plus one and dance partner to all fancy and formal occasions. having actual real chemistry but the "romantic" part of it is some weird shapeshifter smokescreen. augh
#asks#tunnel anon#screencapped so it doesn't show up in the l*imar tag#anyway don't read these tags if lesbian marcille is your truth. you're real for that and i would never oppose that#but i guess im in the bisexual marcille camp for a couple of reasons (first and foremost being that ryoko kui is like.#a fabulous incredibly likely bisexual and marcille is clearly her Specialest Little Guy so it feels only fair)#so technically laios and marcille “dating” is a possibility in my head but such an insanely depressing one that i don't give it much though#like yeah sure marcille is capable of being attracted to him and even having feelings for him if he pursued her intensely enough#but that's the paradox. he wouldn't.#once again. equally happy to be her husband or brother in law bc he doesn't understand being attracted to women#and dearest marcille needs more than that.#little neurotic dragoness bunny who needs to be desired and wanted with an all-consuming passion#hopeless romantic freakassishly monogamous cringe darling who needs to be “the one” for her partner in order to thrive in a relationship#because she wants to be given as good as she's giving and nothing less (and boy does she give!! she gives her everything!!)#so i vastly prefer her never developing feelings for him bc he never decides to pursue her in a way she can't ignore#over them getting together and her self-esteem taking hit after hit as he demonstrates no romantic passion for her#like yes it's toxic and ridiculous. but let's be so real. if someone blatantly flirted with her and he did nothing and felt nothing#she'd be crying herself to sleep feeling unwanted and unessential and “not even worth getting jealous abt” bc she's Like That.#while he starts to hate himself more and more for not being able to give her what she needs#kissing them on the head and tucking them safely into my personal canon. i could never do that to them.#also marcille being the first and foremost thing that laios and falin “fight” over in a way where falin is finally able to assert herself i#yknow??
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coil ch
edit: tumblr stole half of my tags so i put a bad version of the second half of what i was trying to say in my notes :( sorry
#magic and mystery#m&m coil#this one was actually sweet tho#kinda mad that lockhart's getting any credit at all but what can ya do#i think i would be more destroyed if blaise actually killed him#hhow tf did he actually find the chamber tho???#like what could make you guess there???#i hope that gets answered#cant remember how he found out in the hp books either#think he followed them????? maybe???#but he took too long to have followed them in coil i think.. so idk#but it was an incredibly sweet ending#and i like that we got to see ginny's love for chaos form#if allegory writes another year then that year will be insane#especially w/ percy and pansy now in the gang too ??!!#man the gang is going#and again i predicted since early coil that by the end of coil pansy would join the gang#i believed in her#dad snape is back again and thank god too#obviously the pm is gonna mess w/ their relationship#but yk#him getting his name cleared and not being able to do anything abt it im happy but worried abt him going home#how are they even gonna end the year off??? will snape pomfrey and mcgonagall rlly let him go home#theyre gonna have too right??#also the diary is still in play and im concerned#but for now we have a ch ending on a nice note#ALSO I FINALLY GOT MY BLAISE POV ID BEEN CALLING FOR AWHILE NOW#surprised it took this long and that it didnt address things i thought it would#it was good and it made since for him to be thinking like that in the moment#but i rlly want him to atleast address pansy's arm getting broken eventually
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holy fuck i was in so much despair for so long and it feels like a fog has been lifted in my brain. i enjoy things again. I ENJOY THINGS AGAIN!!! i feel EMOTIONS again!!! i am taking care of myself, i'm working, i'm doing chores around the house. and it's all coming so easily to me now?
#i feel like it's because i finally got off antipsychotics#hooolyyy fuckkkk i can't believe how good things are again#i was so fucking hyped because i bought hummus and i love hummus#shopping feels like a drug#and i am also mostly sober! and i dont feel the need to get high anymore#music hits so hard. i'm singing in the car and putting it on full blast which i normally do not do#it's like i have dopamine again#inb4 it's revealed i've been manic#which would make sense because of all of the above reasons#and i feel such a need to talk that im talking to myself which i also never do#but i'm not acting like unhinged in any way. i feel actually really stable rn#anyway I LOVE DOPAMINE#i love being able to fucking cry#and feel not just content but happy#high off life#cello.txt#ok after reading this back to myself it does sound like i'm hypomanic lmao but IDGAF#bpthingz
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so that finale huh.
#ted lasso spoilers#ITS..... NOT GOOD... NOT BAD EITHER.... its a finale alright#i understood why he had to go back to his son i knew he couldnt stay in london forever but oh my fucking god what the fuck was that .......#probably absolute horseshit take incoming but oh my goddddd just the whole thing with jamie and his dad and beard and jane what. what#its a show about bad fathers and forgiveness yeah and people can change but that doesnt excuse all the terrible things theyve done to you#before that...#IDK I CANT PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS RN IM JUST SO. SO BAFFLED?#there were alot of scenes i loved dearly like the singing and colin finally being able to kiss his fella or the video scene but it all felt#so so so rushed for some reason??#i have so much more to say about this rip mail for getting the brunt of my insane ramblings on dc IM SORRY AHJGKVJHAGDF#BUT IDK??? spare some thoughts? talk to me about it. send an ask or reply idfk i wanna hear people's thoughts on it#i know ted must be happy to be with his son again and we just. dont know what his life is like back in kansas so. scratches head#not art#pn.txt#its 1am.. ill probably come back to this later to add more thoughts IDK
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ok i might be talking complete nonsense here, but. the Strict Order as a metaphor for an author facing writer's block.
"the Strict Order abandoned the world," yeah if i wrote a sweet potato story where the main character just keeps suffering with no sign of resolution, i'd drop the story too (<- has actually done this with a tesilid fanfic orz)
"The world rejected the Strict Order's abandonment, so to keep the world going the Strict Order made Tesilid keep rewinding time." That's just like when you get stuck at a certain point in the plot and keep rewriting the events leading up to that moment to try to make it work. nods sagely i understand. i too make my OCs go through scenarios lots of times until we get it right. sometimes it takes months. sometimes it never works.
"The saintess only exists in timeline ~86," oh yes, the classic 'idk how to solve this problem so i'll introduce a new character' trick. i'm familiar
"okay but if time looping is the Strict Order rewriting the story, then why can Tesilid remember it" because the author already wrote those scenes and it'll be sad to throw them all out. and also it's a cool gimmick to have a regressor story. (<- has drastically changed the premise and worldbuilding of a story just to make an alternate timeline relevant before)
"what about ailette's existence--" same as muriel, where you insert a new character in hopes of solving a plot problem. except this time the characters write the plot themselves, because just this once you give priority to their character traits & goals rather than where you thought you wanted the plot to go. (tesilid has someone he can be himself around and who can do certain things on his behalf, instead of being fully constrained by his obligations. ailette gets insane buffs instead of being restricted by the world's difficulty.) therefore the chars now have more agency and are not only solving problems, but also taking the story in a direction you never would have thought of before. (whatever the hell tesilid and ailette are cooking rn, separately, which is surely going to result in interesting developments later on)
tldr; the strict order as a metaphor for an author who hit writer's block. their friend World Shaper inserts their OC Ailette in and their writing style is to let the characters run away with the plot. it works. world shaper and all their friends are co-writers working on the story together and reacting to it in real time.
#s-class heroine spoilers#if the themes of this story are actually orv-esque in that it becomes meta about the writer-reader-char relationship#then my mind will actually be very blown#like im extrapolating a lot here#im only able to make these comparisons bc orv changed the way i read fiction forever#anw no one tell me if i got it right i legit have not read any spoilers#im at mirror dungeon now#wait maybe im onto something#the timelines being linear and not recursive (ie. reed does not have his own ailette) makes sense as well bc with this timeline#the story has finally reached its end and the authors can put down their pens#no more writing no more regressing in order to get scenarios right#like SPOILERS FOR ORV SPOILERS FOR ORV SPOILERS FOR ORV MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV#LIKE RLY MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV IM SO SERIOUS#like for orv it makes sense that the timeloops are recursive#because YOU are kim dokja#the story keeps being written bc the kimcom want kdj back#there is no world where the regressions wont occur bc yhk want each other to be happy#and they will keep the timeloop going if thats what it takes to keep the other alive#yhs dooms the world with her pen (keyboard) because she wants that teenager to live#because she realised he will type 'how to survive' and she wants him to survive no matter how cringe he is#no matter how ruined the world he will be living in would be#woah.... fuck orv (positive)
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iam so insane over the progression between these images
#skye's ramblings#LOOK HOW HAPPY RAY GETS!!!!!!!! look at how don is able to go from pulling him along to full-on holding him lookat the. the. <3#somethig abt him only being able to find comfort in 2 people growing up n finally being able to find that comfort in others is. healing <3#and the way don has always wanted so desperately to form a connection with ray and now he finally has that its so!!! dont look at me!!#it didn't come without its struggles. soo many scenerios where they talk that stuff out live in my. in my mind#its not given as much focus as trio relationships but they just grew to genuinely care about eachother so much. im emotional#quote from guy who is always emotional over The Characters: im emotional over The Characters again
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the aftermath of having 2 terabytes of storage
#i have never had a computer this nice lmao#i'm constantly so used to automatically assuming i Can't Do Most Things bc most of the time i'm barred from Everything#either by physical skill or money or age or location#so when i got a Nice Computer my brain was like STUFF I CAN DO?????????? STUFF I CAN DO!!!!!!!!!!!!#and just. downloaded all the games i haven't been able to play bc my laptop sucks ass#the dopamine rush. lmao#i can actually play skyrim again for the first time since i was 17 😭#genuinely getting this computer has given me the exact same feeling as finally getting my wheelchair#just the fucking sheer joy of *oh my fucking god i have freedom now. i can actually DO STUFF*#seriously being able to use the wheelchair has made me so fucking happy i don't feel awful when going to the store i can actually THINK#bc i dont have brain fog from having to focus all of my energy on staying upright#and the computer is giving me the same feeling of freedom like. i can actually DO STUFF with my computer and not worry about it crashing#i can record video now!!!! I COULD START STREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i can actually learn to code because the coding programs will run!!!!!! i can start making datapacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!#can PLAY THE GAMES I'VE BOUGHT OVER THE YEARS FINALLY#FUCKING THANK YOU STEAM FOR LETTING ME KEEP THESE GAMES UNTIL I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THEM#INSTEAD OF BEING A SHITASS STREAMING SERVICE THAT TAKES AWAY YOUR PRODUCT *AND* MONEY WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT#like i bought assassins creed odyssey the year it came out and i've never even been able to OPEN it on any of my old computers#i bought Jusant recently because it looks very pretty but the game wouldn't let me download it on my laptop bc the graphics card was shit#i have a bunch of games that I've just hoarded on my steam account for years and now i can finally play them#i can get back to subnautica too!!!! and finally finish out we happy few!!!#anyway im gonna go continue to be insane about this machine i love computers theyre so fun
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#okay i need to vent a second#im literally heartbroken rn#this friend of mine just told me that she feels that ‘our friendship is starting to revolve around me’ bcs i asked her to help me once with#wheelchair practice and i was late to a meet up once and i am genuinely without words rn#like she’s been late multiple times and i’ve always let it go bcs i don’t think it’s that big of a deal but im late once and suddenly im an#awful friend#and yeah i need some more accommodations than most people but i feel like it’s obvious why#and to say that it weighs on u is genuinely cruel to me#cause i always try to make myself smaller so i dont bother people and u know that very well so to call me a weight is the cruelest thing#and she said that she feels like our friendship now is just about me discovering the world and her just being there#an insane thing to say when she knows how hellish these past years have been for me and how now im finally able to go out#it’s like am i not allowed to be happy?#i am so sad but also so angry#also the fact that she sent me this when she knows i’ve just started uni and im so stressed and overwhelmed is just beyond me#like does she even like me? does she care about me? she claims she does and then does this like wth#and i dont wanna be a bad friend and maybe she’s right and i am but im trying my best here#and im always there for her when she needs me so i dont get why she’s trying to make it seem like im not#like idek how to answer her#this is really not what i needed rn
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#time did pass anyways!!#getting weirdly emotional abt 2023#it was just filled with so many happy and incredible moments#i genuinely dont think ive ever had such a joyous year before in my whole life#seeing my best friends basically every day#my roommate which i miss more than ive ever missed anyone before#going to uni for class and then ending up spending 7+ hours just hanging at a café w my friends#going to concerts and seeing my favourite band since birth live#all the new food and restaurants ive discovered!!!#finally becoming a regular at a place (they started giving us free desert we were there so often)#being able to go out without having to justify myself to my parents because they werent there to control me#my god!!!!!!#not exaggerating#this year was fucking incredible#miss my friends sm#having big expectations for 2024 lol#happy new year#and all that#<3#SORRY FOR THE MASSIVE RANT HERE IN THE TAGS IM JUST EMOTIONAL#mine
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!!!!!!!! amazing news!!!!!!!!!! i sang SO much today and had such a great time !!!! 🥹 i LOOOVE singing SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! i want to do it every day aaaah but i have neighbours so i can't be loud 😭😭😭 IM SO SO HAPPY WITH MYSELF THOUGH I DID SO WELL TODAY 😭
#txt#im so so so tempted to record a short cover 😭 but idk my confidence is rly bad aaahh#ive just sung cantarella for like AN HOUR AND A HALF NONSTOP FBSHDJS ITS THE PERFECT SONG FOR MY VOICE???#in the original octave ofc. i cant sing high without screeching hahaha#i tried singing a bit of senbonzakura too but that song's so fast.it made me dizzy fjshfjs#i need to work on my breath control before i can sing senbonzakura properly 💪#BUT AHHH I LOVE SINGING CANTARELLA ITS SUCH A FUN SONG TO ME...#i dont sing it in a ''pretty'' way i just go nuts with it bc its in such a comfortable range for me 🥹#i finally got to assess my voice a bit better and i can definitely say its very dramatic fjefhd i get rly Passionate#i dont think u understand how much i love singing 😭 its so important to me#i love how it feels!! the vibrations in ur chest and throat when ur singing...especially in a lower range...they feel sooo nice aaahh#i have a lot of practice to do but im rly happy with myself for being able to sing ONE thing 😭#im so happy with myself 😭😭😭 this is the first time i successfully sing something properly and loudly aaahh!!
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