#im so excited to share it!! but i only have a single page written!!
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astro-nautics · 8 months ago
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me when i want to post fic but that requires me to actually write it
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punkshort · 18 days ago
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ok you came across my feed a xouple days ago bc of the penguin classics covers template and when i was on ur page ur anons had me losing it so naturally was like i gotta read this series bahaha so started swept away yesterday and just finished a minute ago… got NO work done yesterday lol but i am SO glad i didn’t have to wake all week for this final part because im DYING to now how this plays out. I know we’ll get hea but joel better reach deep and sort his shit out! you’re honestly a spectacular writer and storyteller. Fan fic is fr art. Always saying this. I’m really looking forward to digging into the rest of your work. Usually a javi girlie but we are going in deep on this Joel stuff. i was wondering if you’ve been like honing this craft forever or… are you just super talented? Have any tips for us aspiring hobbyists? I’ve written and posted some Javi stuff but have a hard time not inevitably hating how bad it is. So glad to discover you!
This was so sweet to read 🥹 Thank you so much!
I'm glad you found me, too!
I'm super curious what you guys think of the last chapter, I'm very excited to share it with you. A lot happens. Like... a lot. I hope it's a satisfying ending! (We still have the epilogue too so if you read it and think there's some loose ends, I believe everything gets addressed in the epilogue).
I started writing last year in August, and I just winged it. Totally didn't expect a single person to find me on here, I was just writing for myself and I figured if anyone found me, then great! I didn't expect it to evolve into this at all 🤣 So I wrote what I wanted and yeah, it wasn't great, but I didn't care because no one was really following me. But the more practice I've had writing, the better (I think) I've become. So I guess my advice is if you think it's not that great, write it anyway because you can only keep getting better from there. I've wanted to go back and edit older stories because they sound so different to me now, but I've fought the urge. It's a physical reminder of how far I've come and I'm leaving it exactly as is ❤️
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mikarchive2 · 2 years ago
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books i read in march 2023 📚
( trying the read more thing for the first time ever cause this is so long hope it works 💖 )
1. the hurting kind by ada limón - ★★★★★ - goddamn it, i really cant decide between four and five stars here . but at the end of the day, even though i cant say i loved every single poem, the collection as a whole is so full of life and defiant grace i just cant resist rounding up . ada limón has to be one of the best nature poets ive read so far ( cant wait to reread some of these poems outside when spring begins to feel like spring ), and also one of the few who can truly make this blunt and direct writing style work . if i were to talk about every poem i enjoyed, id be here all day but shout out to foaling season specifically that one hit me almost physically
2 + 3. the sandman: the kindly ones ( vol. 9 ) + the sandman: the wake ( vol. 10 ) by neil gaiman - all the stars in space . to me - if i loved it less, i might be able to talk about it more . shrimp emotions dont even begin to describe everything these last two volumes make me feel . i say this all the time though + there is not much else i can say without spoiling things, so . i dont know . just read it . the one thing i want everyone to take from this blog is that they should read it
4. panics by barbara molinard - ★★★★ - i think i found this thanks to lees ( stephaniesays1968 ) storygraph ... one of the instances in which the story behind how something was written is almost more interesting than the writing itself . barbara molinard was known for destroying her work and this is the only book she ever published - and being aware of that does make the stories even more haunting . or haunted perhaps . very madwoman in the attic, very surrealistic, recommending this to those who enjoy kafka and shirley jackson
favourites: the plane from santa rosa, the fathers apartment, untitled ( isolated fragments, liberty ), taxi, the sponge, im alone and its night, the vault
5. serious concerns by wendy cope - ★ - i expected this collection to have roughly the same energy as the famous orange poem, but instead it was just very ... english wine mom after her fourth divorce . though undeniably witty, occasionally funny and even somewhat subversive, the ever-present vibe of cynical pragmatism made it completely unenjoyable for me . however, wendy copes wikipedia page claims that her later collections are different so perhaps i just started in the wrong place ? i wouldnt want to discourage anyone from giving this collection or author a try, but personally i simply dont share her sense of humor
6. contemplation by franz kafka - ★★★ - i spontaneously picked up the czech translation during a slow day at work and ... well, it sure helped pass the time ! i have no idea how i feel about kafkas fiction to be honest - on the one hand he is so much more than the sadboy people tend to reduce him to and there is certain joie de vivre in his writing, on the other hand i find his style ... dry . ( saying that feels like a crime ) this was a pretty hit-or-miss collection for me, but i feel more motivated to read more of his work now, so . a win is a win
favourites: the sudden walk, excursion into the mountains, passers-by, on the tram, clothes, rejection, reflections for gentlemen-jockeys, the street window
7. howls moving castle by diana wynne jones - ★★★★ - this was so whimsical and chaotic and just bursting with creativity . way more down-to-earth than i expected, but it was almost healing to see these really flawed characters loved and happy . im so excited to watch the movie now, unlike everyone else i didnt feel much for book howl ( i just kept thinking he needs a fancam set to womanizer ) but perhaps i will fall for his movie version ? we will see . im very intrigued by diana wynne jones' style, it made the story seem as if it was writing itself ... cant wait to read more ! and recommend her work to every child i run into
up next: i said this last month, but i need to read my silly little college textbooks for real this time, so i should take a little break from this weird marathon reading i seem to be doing . anyway i hope to slowly get thru weavers, scribes, and kings by amanda h. podany ( finally ! nonfiction ! ) and um . well . there is still the prequel to the sandman . and a few spin-offs that seem interesting . and i downloaded stardust the other day because i love actively making my parasocial relationships worse . i should disclose that im horrible at planning though, so chances are i will just read ten completely random books again instead of any of these . love and light
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bucky-barnes-diaries · 4 years ago
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Away From Home
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Captain America: The First Avenger
Pairing: 1940s! Bucky Barnes x Female! Reader
Summary: Reader and Bucky are half a world apart. How are they holding up without each other? ft. some love letters!
Word Count: 1644
Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, hint of smut, angst, talk about war, mention of suicide. Please read at your own risk!
Authors Note: Just want to thank my beautiful wife @buckybarnesdiaries for hyping me up with this series! Not everything may be accurate to the 1940s, war or Bucky’s story. My apologies! Enjoy loves <3
Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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It wasn’t easy being all alone without your other half, but you managed to fill up your day with fun and responsibilities to take your mind off it. The women at the office missed their husbands immensely, just like yourself, so it was good that you all took comfort in one another. It was good to talk with them about the shared feelings of fear and uncertainty that came with the men going off to war.
The office work that was ordinarily boring to you became very interesting as your bosses ordered you around. At home, you had organized your various pieces of literature more times than what was necessary. You couldn’t either count how many times you’ve gone “I missed a spot” on the kitchen counter when it was nothing there in reality.
When there was nothing at home to do, you called up your girlfriends, hoping they would be willing to go out on the town. The few times they were up for it, you forgot all about the hurt inside as you danced the night away with your best friends.
Bucky's parents could come and go as they pleased. Your house was their house; whenever they wanted to drop by, they could. On the weekends, they would invite you home to their residence for dinner and drinks. It was sweet of them to ask you. You already had a strong relationship with them that only increased with you spending more time with your parents-in-law.
The stories they would tell you about James growing up in Indiana with his siblings were stored in your memories to use late at night when you couldn’t sleep. Those thoughts would turn into dreams and scenarios of him and your child that you would hopefully get pregnant with soon.
On the few occasions his parents and your girlfriends had other plans, you sat mostly inside staring at one spot on the wall. The book by your side would only be read a few pages before it was placed to the side again so you could continue gawking at the flower patterns on the wall.
That’s how you were sat now. The television was on, but you weren’t paying attention to the boring movie you had watched countless times playing on the screen. You decided that you would write another letter to James. Writing letters to your husband and receiving letters from him was the thing that brought you joy and was the closest you could come to him for the time being. Picking up the pen and paper, the words flowed easily as you wrote.
~~~~~~~~~~
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My Dearest,
I feel I must write you again altho there is not much news to tell you from the last time I wrote. Work is keeping me busy, while your parents’ comfort and the fun my girlfriends are bringing keeps me content. I dreamt last night my husband. I dreamt about a child. Our child. A child that will bring us love and joy in the future.
I miss you terribly, my love. I miss the warmth from your touch as we are tangled in the sheets together. I miss the softness of your voice as the words whispered in my ear are meant for me only. I miss your laugh filling up the house that feels so empty now without you. I miss you. There is nothing more that I desire in life but to have you with me constantly.
I wonder how you are getting along, my love. I shall be so relieved to get a letter from you. I can’t help feeling a bit anxious for you, my dear. Thinking about what you are going through in the gruesome war overseas. I pray to whatever higher power exists for you to survive and come home to me in my arms.
Well, my husband, my brave soldier, I don’t know what more to say now, so I will finish this letter with fondest love and kisses from your wife.
I love you the most. From yours truly,
xoxo
~~~~~~~~~~
You sealed up the envelope containing your love letter for your husband, your other half, your soul mate, and hoped that it would bring him a hint of delight in his usual dark, empty and deadly war days.
Somewhere in hostile Germany…
With barely enough sleep from the night before, Bucky rested his eyes for the few minutes they had before it was out on another day of fighting the opposition. The faint sound of bombs dropping was heard in the distance. His heart started pumping in both fear and excitement to be out there again.
As his eyes were closed, he sat and wondered what his wife was up to at the moment. You were most likely at work. What would you have for dinner later? Something good, he hoped. It would at least be ten times better than what he ate for breakfast, soggy bread with a slice of cheese on top.
His mouth watered at the thought of a homemade meal from you right now. You always made the tastiest and fulfilling dinners.
What were you doing after? Out with your girlfriends? Were his parents coming to visit? Either way, he hoped you had the most beautiful time being as carefree as you always were.
When the darkness came, and it was time for bed, what would you be doing? Had the day been exhausting that you dropped dead on the covers as soon your head hit the pillow, or would you stay up and think about him?
His mind started racing to you, touching yourself dead at night while you remembered the last time the two of you were intimate. The thought about you moaning his name so softly and innocently had him adjusting himself in the seat.
Not now, Buck. We have to leave soon. There’s no time for that now.
“BARNES! Post for you.”
Once he had the letter in hand, he immediately knew it was you from the little drawing you drew on the envelope. You always did some form of artwork on it that had his heart warm up.
A single tear ran down his cheek after finishing the heartwarming letter. He could never fully express to you and his parents how these letters had saved him when he needed it the most. When he had thought about ending it all after watching the inhumane things he had witnessed that no human should ever have to see, the pieces of love from you and his family were what kept him going.
There was still some time left before they had to go out to war again. So he took that chance at writing a reply to his wife.
~~~~~~~~~~
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My Darling,
Thank you for the heartwarming letter. It found me well in the time when I needed it the most. I so long to be close to you. Trust my love that I do not forget you. I am doing everything in my power so that these few lines reach you.
I am happy to hear that you are keeping yourself busy with work, friends, and family. I’m jealous.
I miss you terribly, my love. If only we could be together soon. I’d give anything to be back in the comfort of your arms. To be tangled in the sheets together. To feel you wrapped so tightly around me in all the ways possible. To hear your laugh that fills my heart with warmth and butterflies. Soon my love, soon.
A child? I’ll give you as many children as you want when I return safely to you. We will buy a big house out in the countryside to raise our children and grow old if that’s what my wife desires.
The war? I don’t know what there is to say? I won’t sugarcoat it. The war is brutal and gruesome. It is something I don’t even wish upon my worst enemy to experience the things I’ve seen and gone through. Don’t be alarmed, my love, by the words you just read. As long as I have you in my mind, I can make it through the days and nights.
There is not much more for the time being to write to you. Just know that I am coming back to you after the terrible war is over.
I love you the most. From your brave soldier,
xoxo
~~~~~~~~~~
He sealed it up in an envelope, and he once again hoped that this wouldn’t be the last letter he ever wrote to you.
A few weeks later…
You waited anxiously out on the steps of your home for the postman to arrive. Legs were bouncing up and down in anticipation if today was the day a new letter from James would arrive.
“Morning, ma’am,” the postman nodded at you. By now, he knew very well who you were as he would find you most days waiting for him to bring you the mail.
“I believe this is yours.” He handed you a single letter. A smile on his face once he saw the excitement on yours when you realize it was from your husband.
“Thank you, George.”
“Have a wonderful day, Y/N.” “You too.”
You opened it right there on the steps. There was no time to walk a few meters into the house to read it.
You took the time to read the lines on the paper written by your love. Sadness came over you as you read the part about war, but a smile was left on your lips nonetheless after you had read the whole thing a few times over.
You clutched it to your heart. To try and feel that extra bit of love that radiated off it. A few tears rolled down your cheeks.
Soon my love. Soon you will be back safe and sound in my arms again.
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Credit @ firefly-graphics for the wonderful divider
Thank you for reading <3 Feedback through a comment is highly appreciated if you liked it! As well as a reblog to share it with others!
If you are going to join the taglist please show support in following my blog as well!
Marvel Taglist: @whothehellisbuckybarnes @phoenixhalliwell @x-goddess-of-nature-x @trulysuccubus @skyesthebomb @whoreforsamwilson @natashadeservedbetter @beth-winchester21 @mrs-salvawhore @soldierstucky @missswritings @sariche @claudiaatje @myakai13 @paintballkid711 @ttalisa @teti-menchon0604 @J-e-nster @-im-fantastic- @donut-crazs @tatestripedsweater @feetoffthetablee @uraesthete @mae-black @midnightdragonzero @julia2000love @yvngzxx @midnightzonzz @kaystacks17 @missroro @living-that-best-life @alwaysclassyeagle
Bucky Barnes Taglist: @sirrwritesalots @acciosiriusblack @academiawhoree @feescher @cigarettesonmars @doyoumindifislytherin-1 @yippikaiyaymotherfucker @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @hemsbucky @ripredwing @90smalfoys @rosiebrands @falcvns @jazzseb11 @my-patronus-is-a-raptor @milkshakelol @maddnastyyyyy @obxcalm @poetic-heart
Let me know if you want to be added/removed!
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burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago
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a brush of luck
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— In a world where soulmates exist you can communicate yours with a brush of a pen. It just doesn’t help that you are a certified idiot with a skill in misplacing things. —
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pairing: todoroki shouto x reader
warnings: fluff, angst, soulmate!au, cursing
word count: 4,229
a/n: this is for the bnaharem collab and I was super horrible and was not ready and i just woke up and threw this together please dont hate me uhuhuhuhhh see the masterlist here!!!
message to join my tag list!
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“Hey, y/l/n, you forget this!”
Your hair was falling into your face, your face flustered, and your binders filled with paper seemed to be liquid as they slowly fell to the ground.
Kaminari stood behind you when you turned around. His lips were picked into a kind smile. It was a teasing one too by the small glint in his eyes while he held onto your backpack and phone. A look of self-realized stupidity washed over your face when your head threw back into a groan. How stupid were you, really?
“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, throwing your things onto the nearest desk. You felt the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment when Kaminari helped you slip on your backpack and pocketed your phone in the jacket pocket. “I swear I’m the most forgetful person in the world.”
“Well, you do really clinch the title of the person who would forget their head if it wasn’t on their shoulders.”
Snorting, you shoved him with your shoulder, and he helped you regather your things with a low groan.
“Let’s see the tattoo,” you grin, ready to head out once again. Groaning loudly, Kaminari didn’t seem to want to give in to your demand, but still, with a twitch of his eye and a shove of his sleeve, he showed off his arm. “You know what, I’m going to say it—”
“I’m going to say it, I don’t care that you broke your elbows,” Kaminari finishes the phrase with you with a snort.
“Do you think it’s the first thing out of their mouth or matching tattoo?” you asked curiously when you blond best friend also prepped to leave the classroom for the day. 
“I hope its the first thing out of their mouth, imagine how fucking ultra sexy foxy hot that would be,” Kaminari moaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his eyes at the thought. Gagging at the visual horniness of that thought, you walked away, grinning at the way that Kaminari stumbled over his feet to catch up with you.
This was the world you lived in, the world of soulmates.
You weren’t sure when they had first started, but you know that it wasn’t always a phenomenon that was around. When you roamed the internet looking at old, old stories on soulmates, these theories, these worlds were built on one single concept.
They wrote about a world of black and white for everyone until that fateful moment, or matching tattoos for everyone. But no, this world was much more complicated, much more detailed. Yes, in the world there were a lot of theories that ended up being true, but the thing they didn’t see coming was that every couple — every polyamorous relationship consisted of a unique theme.
Kaminari’s soulmate was linked with tattoo’s, and the purpose behind said symbol was unknown, unheard of until he met them. Yours, as you could guess and know, was also different. Pressing your fingers against the pen that sat on the inside pocket of your uniform jacket, you smiled when Kaminari’s arm was thrown around you.
“At least you’ve never lost or forgotten that pen of yours, that would be dangerous!”
“I promise I will never ever forget it.”
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You sat on your bed nearing midnight. You were cocooned into your blankets flipping through your Hero Lawbook that you were supposed to have read months ago, but now finally was. Humming to yourself, you read through the apparent laws and the not so evident laws.
For instance, there is a law that Pro Heroes are not allowed to eat off the edge of buildings anymore! American transfer students had littered so much it became a law!
Snorting to yourself, you flipped the page.
But something warm pressed into your forearm, the most heated energy that sent shivers down your spine. It was comforting as it was ethereal. The second your body recognized the feeling, the Hero Lawbook went soaring across the room, and you grabbed your pen that was waiting at your side for ages now. 
Hi, sorry I’m just able to get back to you. I had a bunch of homework and friends who just let me leave them.
Smiling to yourself, you twirled the pen in your fingers and scribbled down your response:
It’s all good, I’ve been studying this entire time too, was just bored and didn’t respond to you earlier today!
Your soulmate theme was straightforward and quite comprehensive — it was dubbed the Forearm and Pen theme (you hated that theme). You could communicate with your soulmate by writing with the pen on your arm, but it only worked with that pen, nothing else.
The year you were to turn sixteen, you received a pen from literally out of the blue. You remember celebrating New Year with your class in your first year at U.A.; it had been an enjoyable night! Everything in life was still going fantastic, and your class was finally past the excellent friend’s point and felt like a genuine family. You remember hugging and telling everyone good night, still being fifteen at that point, and stumbling back to your room exhausted.
When you had gotten back to your room, you didn’t even undress; simply tugging off your pants and removing your bra, you threw yourself onto the bed. But you had landed on something stiff and painful, groaning your hands shuffled for whatever it was that you fell on, and when you grabbed it, you froze at the sight of the white box. 
Was this a gift?
Your entire life, you had always wondered if you did have a soulmate, most people you knew after all had soulmate markers that appeared since birth. But you were perfectly normal. You saw all colors; you had no shared pain; there was no tattoo, no mind link, no dream meetings.
Nothing.
You were normal.
Sighing, you opened the box, hoping that it was from someone you at the very least respected.
Inside was a silver pen.
You blinked your eyes rapidly, unsure of what you were looking at, there were no initials, no engraving, nothing. 
It was an exquisite pen, and despite what you thought, it was very, very light. Frowning, your fingers pushed down on the pen, but there was nothing that came out, was there no ink?
Shrugging, you dragged it against your arm feeling the way that the cool tip delicately massaged your arm. It felt nice.
“Holy shit!”
Your eyes saw the pretty grey silvery ink on your forearm. It stood out against your skin, the ink appearing nowhere else but your arm, and then it hit you.
This was for your soulmate!
With excitement tearing through you, your exhaustion no longer bitting on your skull, but the overwhelming need to know that this was for your soulmate shook you awake. Twirling the pen in your fingers, you couldn’t help but start writing.
OMG HI
You sat there staring at your forearm, unsure as to what to do next. What do you do next?
Hey?
If your heart could be anywhere but your chest, you were nearly positive it existed within your throat at this very moment. This was nervewracking, holy shit.
Sorry, you don’t know me, but I’m ___ ___.
You frowned when you tried to write your name, it was stopping you.
It seems that we do have some rules to this entire thing.
They responded back to you, and as if they could hear you, you groaned loudly.
This soulmate shit was already stopping your excitement, it seemed.
From that very first night, the two of you were able to discover a few things. First off, anything too personal was not allowed to be written out. So names, location, and gender were the biggest ones. Birthdays were not, and you were quick to find out that both of you were still fifteen. Second of all, just because you couldn’t figure out where exactly you both were located, you did manage to put together that you were both in Japan. Third of all, your soulmate was a Hero in Training just like you and was a male. Last, of all, you were quick to realize that you were in love with the way your body felt like it was gently warming up whenever he messaged you.
I think I deserve a round of applause.
You grinned after writing your sentence, your eyes watching while the warmth filled your body and his writing slowly appearing on your forearm.
Did you not forget anything today? I find that hard to believe.
You had to suppress a scream.
WELL, IT HAPPENED! I GOT EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO BRING BACK TO MY ROOM WITH ME!!
Weren’t you the one who forgot to bring your entire backpack to school the other day?
NO! I said I almost did, but my bestie got it for me!
How do you forget everything? I think you should try to make a list to make sure that you always have things you need for the day.
... I do… but I always lose the list, and im always running late…
You’re the worst…
Congrats bbg, I’m your soulmate
The world really doesn’t want to bless me with a good life, it seems…
HEY, THAT’S MEAN!
The two of you banter for what seems like hours, the night sky fading from blackness to the deep blue of the sky right before the sunrise. You had spent the entire night curled into your pillow, your face shoved into the soft fabric to suppress your chortling snorts because you geniunely enjoyed interacting with your soulmate. But it was late, and you both had classes early that next morning.
Okay, asshole, I need to sleep! I got this stupid test tomorrow that I did not study for. I'll write to ya tomorrow!! Goodnight!!!
Don’t be rude to your soulmate :( but goodnight, and good luck on that test, sorry for keeping you up.
Smiling at his words, you put the pen to your forearm one last time.
I will never ever accept your apology for making me stay up, I love talking with you, goodnight soulmate, sweet dreams.
You placed the pen down, your eyes fluttering close, heavy with sleep. But still, no exhaustion could suppress the fluttering warmth in your body when words appeared on your arm. 
Sweet dreams, soulmate.
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“Fuck, sorry,” you groaned when you sleepily slammed into the person standing in front of you. 
Blinking tiredness away from your eyes — poorly at that too — you focused up at Shouto. Grinning, you waved at your classmate, who looked almost as exhausted as you felt and definitely looked.
“It’s okay,” he nodded at you stepping to the side so that the two of you could walk side to side.
“You ready for that test today?” you asked after moments of silence.
You and Todoroki Shouto were not as close as you would like to be. Since day one, you had always had a thing for the duality of a man, and while it was mostly superficial feelings derived from the fact that he was attractive above anything else, it still made you awkward around him. At the time, your feelings were still holding you down, you always fully believed that you had no soulmate, so you thought maybe you could sweep him off his feet. It was rumored that his scar covered up his own soulmate mark, so there was no way for him to know who his soulmate was.
Selfishly and embarrassingly, you hoped that you could have him.
Then you met your soulmate, and things changed.
But now you and your classmates were all eighteen and held the world in your hands, yet you couldn’t speak to him usually still.
“There’s no test today?” Shouto stilled, his eyes narrowing in confusion, and your eyes screwed too.
“Isn’t it… Friday? We have a Hero Law test?”
“Y/l/n,” Shouto snorted a grin spreading across his features, “It’s Wednesday.”
If there was a god, he would shoot you right now.
Your cheeks burned with embarrassment while you walked faster to the classroom, Shouto keeping up with your pace easily, he was taller than you after all.
“Shut up,” you warned, your gaze not reaching Shouto’s who was staring at you.
“I wasn’t speaking.”
“I could hear you thinking!”
Shouto put on a smirk, his eyes teasing you, and his mouth dropping to speak, but there was a loud interruption.
“Y/L/N-CHAAAANNNNNN!!!!”
Both of you turned to see Kaminari chasing after you, his arms waving, looking out of breath.
“YOU FORGOT YOUR JACKET AND TIE!”
Shouto chuckled beside you, and you stared down to see that you were, in fact, only wearing half of your uniform. If there’s a god, he will end you now, you thought.
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You're not serious right now, are you?
Going on three years of knowing your soulmate, or at the very least talking with him, you thought you had a good understanding of who he was. He was strong, powerful, and kind. He came off a bit standoffish at times but was the dumbest person you’ve ever known. Common sense was not his friend, and that was okay. 
Even at times when the two of you had your differing opinions because it did happen, it never snowballed more into a small annoyance that the two of you would apologize for and move on. But this was something that shouldn’t have had become a fight, it shouldn’t have been anything more potent than a difference of opinion, but when you suggested entertaining the thought of when the two of you would finally meet, he was uncharacteristically cold. 
Hurt by his tone, you told him, and he said you to grow up until it became this written fight.
Why couldn’t you talk about meeting?
Why didn’t he want to think about what would happen when the two of you would meet?
It was getting ugly for no reason, a fight just to fight, and it was making you nauseous.
But he crossed a line that couldn’t be fixed when he wrote a simple sentence:
Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean I have to love you, meet you, or marry you.
So there you sat, your bottom lip trembling with tears streaking down your blotchy face. He wasn’t being serious, was he? There was no way… no fucking way this was him. The warmth that flooded your body with his new message felt ice-cold, poisoning you from the inside out while you read it.
You're my soulmate, but I have no obligation to do anything with you now or ever. The world chose you for me, not me. I didn’t choose you. I don’t owe you anything here. Soulmates are bullshit and don’t fucking bother messaging me again if you expect me to fall in love with you just because our “souls are connected”
It was needless to say that you didn’t respond back, not because you felt like he should love you because of your connected souls, but because your sobbing and broken emotions left you curled into a ball, ready for a sleepless slumber to take you.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
“You don’t look too hot,” Kaminari told you, hitting you with his foot when your bleary and puffy eyes stared at your best friend.
Kirishima and Mina, who were sitting beside him, elbowed him at the same time, berating him for his insensitive comment. You could feel Sero and Bakugou staring at you, their eyes concerned and curious. 
“What’s eating ya up?” Sero asked, and you found a rock-forming in your throat when you shrugged.
“Soulmate problems…”
“That was fucking obvious,” Bakugou rolled his eyes, taking a drink of his water. “Tell us the problem, not a stupid summary.”
Surprisingly that’s all it took for you to come undone, and you explained what happened with tears falling down your face and a sniffling nose. There was a lot to tell them about it, and you showed them the pen while explaining the entire story. They listened to every word you uttered, faces concern but taking in everything you said.
“You’re an idiot,” Bakugou spoke the second you were finished, his eye twitching while he glared at you. You swallowed thickly, placing the pen on the table while Bakugou edged closer towards you. “He’s not wrong, you know, stupid fucking soulmates are just this irrational solution to an irrational problem. Love is much more complex than that, and you don’t seem to have been fighting for him in that way either, sure you seem like good friends, but that doesn’t give you the right to expect him to love you. But he was a complete fucking dick about it, so I say kill him.”
Your — and all of the rest of your friend group — eyes widened at his words. With nothing to follow him up, you all continued to stare at him while he munched on his food.
“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING EXTRAS LOOKING AT!”
“Is Bakugou a love expert?” Mina’s stage whispered to the group.
“He almost was, but then he said to kill y/n’s soulmate, so probably not anymore,” Kirishima responded back.
“SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!”
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
It took four days before the warm feeling shot through your body again.
Fuck, I'm really sorry, I was a complete fucking dick. I said a lot of things, and i didn’t mean to say I was angry and upset, and I know that you're upset, rightfully upset, but i don’t want to lose you.
No matter how long it took for him to get back to you, your heart squeezed with euphoria and poison, your hands moving to grab your pen in your pocket.
It wasn’t there.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
You tore apart your room, trying to find the silver pen but you couldn’t find it.
Stay as mad as you want, I just… please talk with me soon, even if it takes five days. I'm sorry, soulmate.
Frustrated tears poured down your face, nausea almost making you wheeze when you stared at the words you wanted to reply to.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
One day after he apologized:
Don’t want to bother you, just wanted to apologize again and say that I miss you, talk to you soon.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
Five days after he apologized:
I’m not really sure if this is normal or not… I'm not really… educated when it comes to romance and shit like that, especially when it comes to someone being upset with the other… my female classmates told me that I should expect a response from you soon. I'm really sorry, please write soon.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
So it seems that i’ve fucked up to the point of no return. I'm sorry, I miss you, I love you. Maybe one day I can reconvince you that I'm your soulmate for a good reason, but I guess I’ll have to work on that.
It had been fourteen days since he had apologized, and you sat in your room with tears streaming down your face. You wanted to respond back, but even fourteen days of tirelessly searching U.A.’s entire campus, ripping it stone by stone, there was no finding your pen. Every day without fail, he gave you an update of his day and another apology. Every day they got more hopeless, more pained.
This was his last message for a while, he needed time to work things out with himself now, the strain of this and graduation coming soon being too much to handle at the moment. 
Wiping your tears for what felt like the hundredth time within this past twenty minutes, you stood up on your wobbly legs to go downstairs for water. You were dehydrated and absolutely needed to get out for both fresh air and water.
Walking down the stairwell with swollen eyes, you groaned when you slammed into a body when you opened the door to the common area. 
Shouto blinked down at you, and you felt your throat clampdown at the pained look in his own eyes.
“Have you been—”
“Are you—”
You both spoke over each other, and despite the horrid feeling coursing through your bones, you cracked a smile.
“I’m getting water,” you explained with a shrug. “Long night ya know, just needed to replenish my system so I can cry some more.”
Shouto stared at you, and with horror, you realized precisely what you had said.
“Oh my god, ignore me!” you squeak, covering your face trying to move past him, but Shouto seemed to be curious now and followed after you.
“What’s making you cry?” he asked while you rush to the fridge to get your glass of water.
“What’s got you upset?” you counter downing the cup of water.
Shouto sighed, leaning against the counter of the island in the kitchen. “Would it be weird to say its soulmate issues?”
Swallowing the water in your mouth, you shook your head, a tired smile on your face, “Embarrassingly enough, my issue is also with soulmate stuff.”
A joyless chuckle escaped his mouth, and Shouto’s head tilted backward. You studied his jaw and the way his body seemed tense, too tense.
“What happened?” you press gently standing next to him, shouldering him gently.
“I fucked up, and now my soulmate won’t talk with me,” he says slowly, his head nodding while he glances at you. “I guess telling your soulmate you don’t want them is a bad thing.”
You snorted, nodding your head in agreement, “It’s not just a bad thing, its a super fucked up thing.”
Shouto sighed in agreement, and there was silence when you took another drink of your water.
“I didn’t know you were in contact with your soulmate, though,” you smile wistfully, your hand twirling the cup on the counter. “How’d you meet them?”
“I actually don’t know who they are,” Shouto admitted with pursed lips, and your eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “I have that soulmate thing where you write on your arm, and they can read it.”
Showing off his arm, you glanced at the pale skin. You nodded your head when he pulled out a silver pen that looked similar to yours.
“Well,” you shrug your shoulders, motioning him to write. “I’m no expert, but let’s see if I can help you get your soulmate to forgive you.”
“T-They haven’t responded to me in two weeks…” Shouto’s voice cracks, and the number burns a hole through your stomach. “I’ve written every day, but no answer. I don’t really know what to do, and all the girls in the class don’t really know what to do. Bakugou also said to go fuck myself over it, so I don’t think I really have had any help.”
Ignoring the twisting in your stomach, you willed your weirdness away to shuffle in your seat, “Well, you haven’t asked me, asshole, come on, let’s see what I can do.”
Shouto chuckles, his head nodding, “That is true, but to be fair, you’ve been anywhere, but in the dorm these past few weeks.”
“I lost something,” you mutter embarrassed, but you shake away your problems and point at his wrist. “Write an apology.”
You watched when he wrote, the words expressing his apology and love seeping through the silvery ink on his wrist. You told him to add things to delete things, but in the end, it ended up feeling like a genuine and sincere apology. You watched his pen leave his skin and a warmth shot through your arm. 
Shivering, you looked at your arm, trying to see what your soulmate had written to you even though he said he was going to stop.
The words he wrote appeared on your skin.
Your eyes widened when you stared at Shouto, who was also staring at your arm. 
Your eyes met in an almost world-altering way. This entire time, for three whole years, the two of you had been by each other and never knew. Midnight conversations wasted through ink instead of face to face. Your heart hammered in your throat, and tears once again poured from your eyes when you both stood at full height, staring at each other.
Todoroki Shouto was your soulmate — he was yours, and you were his.
“I’m so sorry, y/n, I don’t know what happened to me. You didn’t deserve that, and fuck, I’m so sorry—”
“I lost my pen, and I couldn’t respond back, I forgave you, but I had no way of reaching back! But I was always forcing myself onto you—”
You both interrupted the other, and now you stared at each other, drinking in the presence of each other and belittling yourselves for not knowing sooner; looking at it now, it was just so obvious. You can’t help it and pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrap around you, and you can hear his hammering heart on your ear, and it fills you up with the familiar warmth when he writes you. This seemed to be a brush of luck it seems.
“Can I kiss you, soulmate.”
“Please do.”
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lemongogo · 3 years ago
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I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY ABT KNY,, the gotouge handled the relationships and tied them in will with character introspection is so,, melancholic ??? idk how to describe it but smtimes the story feels like a dream sequence and it hits right in ur heart,,, yknow when yuuichiro was like the mu in muichiro is the in in infintiy,, i laid down and cried lmao but anywyas PLEASE continue to share ur thoughts as u re read its really nice to see that im not the only one going crazy over this..
ok hi sry this was the msg where i i had so much written and stuff but by now ive forgotten like 90% of the shit i just talked abt and the thought of typing it out again makes me sad so i think im just gna paraphrase it the best i can im so sry 😭😭
but YEAH.. no exactly , melancholy is suchhh a good descriptor of how the manga feels. that and saudade , for how its almost like . ig nostalgic isnt exactly the right word to use, but bittersweet, maybe, about things u Wish you knew more about / had more time to interact with.
gotouge does such a great job of evoking emotion w their work imo. while single lines & panels collectively amount to big themes and such, i feel like they maintain a lot of influence on their own. lots of these scenes work well as standalone pieces , no matter how small or simple, and its so special to me :-) !!
&& im so happy u brought up muichirou's story bec omfg yeah tht was so sad i cried my eyes outAHAHA. that or genya's "shinazu means immortality" line .wtf......withers away.god . its soo good . but YEAH W MUICHIROU, i feel like his arc perfectly encapsulates how well gotouge utilizes emotion and threads these stories together, bit by bit.
THISS sequence is soo good bc i like how tanjirou's compassion is what kickstarts muichirou's backstory. and while thats a common theme for most of the characters, it's always unique in how it affects them/progresses the story. especially in this instance, where tanjirou's encouragement manifests from suppressed memories of mui's father
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like omg . i love the eerie stillness of this page . how the dialogue is obviously referencing some (at the time, unknown) memory, and how that disbelief is visually represented by the way he's suspended in the water. everything slows down around this moment, it's so pretty. so calm and quiet as mui cycles through his final thoughts. i like how his mist breathing ties into his amnesia and how its imagery is specific to these moments (as w the pic below)
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what rly stands out though is that . through all of this, muichirou admonishes his own weakness and sees it as a detriment or character flaw. something to be avoided. but its weakness, kotetsu's weakness specifically, that saves him in the end
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its so small and so like. normal in comparison to the hashira's breath techniques, that its simplicity gives it power.
this panel ^ is one of my favs for that exact reason. its soo.. soo!!!!!!! oifdjjgd i love it so much. like i love how it ties back into kny's theme of like . finding strength in weakness. kotetsu is just a normal character all things considered but its through his willpower that muichirou survived; he didn't need any special technique or trick up his sleeve. it all goes back to what rengoku says abt the quality of human nature
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or the conversations tanjirou shares with genya
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i admire it soo much i love that kny operates on these emotions, and even more so the ones that are typically considered as "less than ideal". love and kindness are motivational, but they're not exclusive. anger, grief, weakness, etc. all have the immense power to bring people together and they hold with them important qualities of their own.
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it just flows so well. i like how the same few panels can lead into many different trains of thought. for i see this and i think about rengoku and the principles he shared. i think about genya, kagaya, muichirou, nezuko, etc. i think about how intertwined all of these stories are. how tanjirou represented the person mui's father was, who muichirou wanted to be, and ultimately tried to become
and i like how they culminate in later parts of the story, especially ch.204
AHH idk i think sometimes i look too deep into it / assign meaning where perhaps there is none but. its not something i really get from other series, so im happy gotouge fills that specific niche. for u and i at least !! and thank u for listening to me as i go through it all again AAA it makes me so excited to talk about in detail, and its even nicer knowing u feel the same way about all of it. im rly happy you liked it and i hope u enjoy the rest of the seasons as they roll out 🥺️
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wri0thesley · 3 years ago
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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn
Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity
ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 
Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making
i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!
Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.
ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn
Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.
gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;
Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕
honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 
Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?
hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3
Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.
i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 
Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday
dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 
Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.
extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 
Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!
ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!
Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~
Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)
Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.
hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed��. 
i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 
anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 
Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!
thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3
Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.
this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 
Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u
ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.
Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)
i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 
Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.
honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3
honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3
Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!
honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 
Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖
ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3
Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!
to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 
Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!
anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 
Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!
wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end
HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 
Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.
ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3
Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!
i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 
Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon
i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️
anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3
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sxfterhearts · 4 years ago
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42. [7:35 pm]
➳ pairing: youngjae x reader ft. amateur chef!jaebeom
➳ genre/warnings: fluff, just fluff, mildly suggestive towards the end (I haven’t written in ages so I guess that’s also a warning??)
➳ word count: 1,190 words
➳ summary: “Is this okay?”
➳ author's note: see below!!
//
“Speak up, hyung!” Youngjae breathed heavily into the microphone of his earphones. “I can’t hear anything you’re saying!”
“Young– Give me a sec,” He heard Jaebeom draw a deep breath before bellowing out an ear-piercing “Keep it down, Bam, or I’ll whoop your ass!”
Youngjae flinched, his sweaty palm nearly losing its grip on the rubber spatula.
It was an early Friday night in. He had purposely rushed back to your shared apartment the moment the clock hands struck five. Not that this wasn’t a regular occurrence, but he wanted to be extra early tonight in order to execute his plan. Youngjae thought of the perfect way to spend your first Friday after starting a new job at a well-known company in the city. Your boyfriend, being the attentive and caring person he was, intended to treat you to a bubble bath while he prepared a wholesome three course meal for you. Or at least, he was trying to.
“Sorry, Bambam’s just… being Bambam. You know how it is. Now, where was I?” Jaebeom paused, musing over his thoughts like an old man suffering from short-term memory loss.
Youngjae grit his teeth in frustration and stress as he watched the concoction of dark chocolate chips and butter melt before his very eyes. Who would’ve thought baking brownies could’ve been this stressful? “The chocolate. I melted the chocolate chips with the butter over the stove. What’s next?”
“I’m pretty sure you have to crack the eggs into the bowl. Oh wait, no, no. You have to add the vanilla extract first. Just a tiny bit, though. We don’t want it to overpower the chocolatey taste.”
“How much? Two tablespoons?”
“Are you crazy? This is a chocolate brownie, not a vanilla cupcake. A teaspoon should be fine, I think. Or was it a quarter? Shit…”
The man closed his eyes to contain his anger and heaved a large sigh. “If you just wrote down the recipe we wouldn’t be in this position, hyung…”
The elder completely dismissed his comment. “Try a teaspoon. I’m like, ninety-nine percent sure I’m right.”
Youngjae had no other choice but to oblige. After all, everyone knew, including you and the boys, that he could not bake to save his life.
And yet, here he was, trying his hands at baking your favourite dessert – brownies. He even bought the premium vanilla ice cream that you liked to quenelle on top of it later (thankfully it was on sale). Youngjae really wanted to pamper you tonight.
“It’s not that difficult, right, Youngjae? This recipe is foolproof. My cousin tried it last month and he’s only twelve.”
Youngjae wasn’t too sure about that. Sceptical, he cracked three room-temperature eggs into the gooey, fragrant chocolate mixture. “Won’t the eggs cook in the chocolate ‘cos it’s boiling hot?”
Silence.
“Hyung?”
“Listen, Youngjae, I’m not a baking god. I don’t know the answer to every single question you have. Just do as I say and pray really hard that your brownies will turn out well.” Jaebeom snapped. “Have you mixed the eggs? You have to make sure the mixture is incorporated well and as shiny as Jackson’s forehead on a hot day.”
A commotion broke out on the other end of the line. Youngjae assumed it was due to Jaebeom’s offhanded comment about the state of Jackson’s skin.
“The last thing you have to do is just mix in the flour and cocoa powder, then you can pour it into the baking pan. It has to be a square one, nine by nine inches and lined with baking paper. Oh, and you need to grease the bottom of the pan first.”
Youngjae’s mouth hung open in disbelief. “You could’ve told me this earlier! I don’t– What is nine by nine inches? Why are you even using inches, we’re in Korea!” He huffed exasperatedly.
“Twenty-three centimetres, you doofus. Find one, hurry! Otherwise the mixture will harden.”
After rummaging through your stash of baking supplies for a good five minutes, he finally found the all-important baking pan. With Jaebeom’s uniquely reassuring words, Youngjae eventually managed to pour the batter in and placed the pan into the oven with trembling hands. The boy was nervous – he just wanted everything to be perfect tonight.
Somewhere between the fifteen-minute mark and an endless string of ridiculously cute puppy videos, the door’s keypad beeped. Standing up straight, Youngjae pulled off his chocolate-stained apron and jogged towards the door in anticipation.
“Youngjae, guess what! Oh,” You paused mid-sentence, your head poking curiously into the apartment as the brownie’s fragrant aroma tickled your senses. “What smells so good? Did you bake?”
“Hey baby!” Youngjae greeted like his usual bright self, your previous bursts of stress long forgotten. He reached for your handbag and laptop bag, gently ushering you into the comforts of your home. “I did. You’re in for a relaxing night, my darling. I’ve already ran you a bath, and you can use one of your sparkly pink bath bombs.” You couldn’t take off your shoes fast enough the moment you heard the word ‘relax’.
Your mouth fell slightly agape as you held Youngjae’s buttery hands in yours, eyes filled to the brim with fascination and gratitude. “You did?”
“Yes, baby. Go! Take off your clothes and get soaking. Dinner will be ready in another half an hour.” Youngjae guided you towards the ensuite, where he ran the waters and tested the temperature just moments earlier.
You gladly welcomed his suggestion. After all, the best way to unwind after a long day of work was to soak in glittery rose-scented water and allow the knots upon knots of worries to melt away.
Your mind solely focussed on the motions of shucking off your pencil skirt and unbuttoning your blouse once you released the bath bomb. The sweet aroma overtook your senses and overpowered your stress.
A sigh involuntarily left your lips as you sank into the warm, perfumed water. Picking up the book Youngjae thoughtfully left on the edge of the bathtub, you repositioned yourself into a comfortable position. The distant humming coming from Youngjae in the kitchen, the gentle sloshing of water as you flipped the pages and the wonderful feeling of soaking your sore muscles… Nothing could get better than this.
Youngjae appeared twenty pages later to feed you a slice of his freshly baked brownies. Crouching down by your side, he inspected your facial features for any reaction with complete earnest.
“I hope that it’s okay. Is this okay?” He breathed.
“It’s more than okay, it’s everything that I need…” You paused, tongue running repeatedly over the edges of your lips in search of brownie remnants. “What did you put in these brownies, babe?”
“I… Is it… Bad? Does it taste funny? I–”
“No, not at all!” You giggled. “It’s so, so, so good! I could eat this for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Speaking of dinner…”
“The entrée is still cooking on the stove.” Youngjae admitted sheepishly.
“Hmm… That’s a shame. I’m hungry for a different type of dinner.”
“Wh… What do you mean?”
“I meant, I’d love to have you for dinner. Come, join me.”
//
➳ author's note: woah ok!! I started this towards the end of my last internship and finally mustered up the courage, strength, mental capacity etc etc to finish it off. I’m sorry if its lacklustre (which im sure it is) but just really really wanted to post this!!! (im busting with excitement omgomg) I’ve been busy with internships and having existential crises and also (ngl) procrastinated with my writing and this blog which is why I’ve been sosososoo absent. I don’t want to make empty promises but yeah, I hope to get back into tumblr again! Honestly was in such a good headspace when I was active on here, I miss it sm, I miss interacting with you guys omg okay I will stop rambling. Good night I love you ALL!!!
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outropeace · 4 years ago
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elotito tagged me on this so i’m gonna do it for her <33333
1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted
i began to write in general since i was around 14 like any other emo kid kdjdjsks and o began to write fics when a friend asked me for one as a birthday present. it was written in a hurry and it’s not my favorite but i really enjoyed doing it. i posted that exact same fic on their birthday
2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?
it depends the fic i guess. and not really, i think the closest i’ve been to do that is in the rockstar au (coming to the @bottomlouisficfest very soon), i put one or two of my old insecurities in h so he could connect better and wouldn’t be persieved as just an asshole-y dude cause i don’t like that and louis don’t deserve that uwu🌸
3. where do you often find inspiration?
music, movies, tiktoks (DONT JUDGE KDKDKS)
4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?
before the quarantine i had around 3 wips, now i have 8
5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?
i listen lofi youtube playlists shjdkld
6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?
me repeating “Oh...” over and over again through tall my fics, it shouldn’t be legal
7. describe your ideal writing setup
rainy day, good coffee, comfy sweater, my cat besides me, arely sending texts about teeth/imessage games, snacks
8. favorite time of day to write?
nights (it’s usually when i have time)
9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?
i’d LOVE to write a thriller
10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?
i just leave the fic for a bit, i don’t really like to push myself about this cause i’m just doing it for fun
11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?
the easiest is the dialogues, i could write pages and pages of just dialogues in hours and the hardest is the smut dhjdd
12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable)
it depends, is the antagonist? i ask myself how’d i feel if i were them, like a third party just trying (and usually failing) to get in between
13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?
i like “wet” i just... yeah.... and least favorite i don’t really know tbh
14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?
i like that people conect with the characters because i always put a lot of effort in making them realistic (as much as i can), i make them flawled and sometimes even messy but with good hearts and intentions, all of them are (even the antagonists). and my grammar OH MY GOD MY GRAMMAR
15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?
hands down the ice prince fic. and funny thing is, i already had my prompt for the fic fest but i just couldn’t stop thinking about one particular prompt about a bratty prince and an alpha who hated omegas and the amount of POSSIBILITIES that had. two days later or so, the mods of the fest gave us the opportunity to pick another prompt if we wanted and the rest is HISTORY
16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?
11 and single
17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?
baby do we have TIME FOR THIS ONE?
18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?
yes, always 100000000%
19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?
angst, sadness, anguish, sorrow, jealousy, i love to hurt hearts. and it’s not an emotion but after they get together it’s really difficult to me to actually keep going (oh god dkdkdkkdd)
20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?
that that’s okay to fuck up, that no matter the circumstances you have to respect your partner and TALK WITH THEM and that a person can be successful, independent and a badass while being soft and a c*mslut
21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?
i think “write whatever you like, you’re not being paid for it anyways” is the best and only advise i’ve actually listened to
22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?
it’s complicated cause my two favorites are abos and idk how that would work dkskkss but the ice prince and the alpha/alpha fic
23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?
chronologically but i have a document apart where i write everything that comes to my mind at the moment, that one is A MESS
24. how do you handle criticism?
i think good, if it’s respectful
25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?
trust yourself, have fun
26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?
ANY type of positive feedback makes my day tbh
27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?
none tbh dkdkks and louis, obviously
28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?
about my stories, i love when people just come to rant to me about certain things the characters did and ask me why they did it
29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?
it relaxes me a lot. i just can write for hours and hours and it just feels nice and in some way exciting
30. why do you write?
refer to question 29 kdkdkxk
boost yourself + tags!
1a. share the last sentence you wrote
from the exes to lovers au:
The second hiccup of the night came in the form of his ex smiling to a boy sitting next to him on a couch. The boy had gorgeous, dark and wild hair, clear hazel eyes and a pretty pouty mouth. Their body language screamed attraction and that they both were ready to devour each other. Louis was familiar to the smile Harry was giving to him, bright and seductive, ready to give anything you asked for.
2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about
right now i’m very excited for the happiest season au, my “cliche story” au and for my exes to lovers au dksks i’m excited about a lot of my wips i’m so sorryjdjd
3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of
from the alpha/alpha au:
“I’m not giving up on love,” He softly touched the hand that was still grabbing his thigh. “To me, love is like flowers. Each one needs a special treatment, if you give an orchid the same treatment you give to an iris, the orchid will die. Same thing with love. I’m not giving up on love, I’m just changing the treatment. We might not be an orchid, but we could make such a pretty iris.”
4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s)
favorite first line from the sugar baby au:
Powerful people only end up with powerful people. The rest are just playthings in their lives. Louis Tomlinson was many things, but he wasn’t anybody’s plaything.
favorite last line from the ice prince fic:
“Who would have guessed…” Harry whispered after a while, smiling against Louis’ lips. “the dragon finally got to keep the princess.”
5a. link the last fic you read
HAYLEY’S MASTERPIECE
6a. link the last work you published
that’d be the ice prince fic
7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable)
hereee
8a. someone that inspires you
louis teheeee
9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year
god, again, there’s so so many of them, like the amount of authors i’m so grateful for, the list is infinite but these are a few that comes to my mind
all elote’s (@defencelesst) fics makes me really really happy and never fails to give me a cozy/wintery feeling, her louis IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING ON EARTH AND HER HARRY IS JUST PERFECTION, i’m in love with her descriptions and how she just takes you THERE. hanis @loulicate-recs always makes me smile so fucking hard. ris @falsegoodnight fics NOW.... well.... ris fics they make me smile but also make me want to throw my phone to the other side of the room BEST OF BOTH WORLD IG. MAR’S FICS (loubellies on twitter, idk their @ here i’m sORRY) ARE LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS AT THE MOMENT, such a pretty louis IM SO IN LOVE WITH MAR’S LOUIS ITS UNFAIR
10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!
omg i’m probably so late to this and idk how many of you have actually done this so here goes nothing @allwaswell16, @runaway-train-works, @greenfeelings, @kingsofeverything, @thepolourryexpress, @larents
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prompt-master · 4 years ago
Note
Would you be willing to share how you might rewrite Yukizome, Sakakura, and Munakata to make them likable characters (if not ppl Bc there’s a big difference)???
ahhhhhhh this ask got me so stupidly excited that I was like wavin my hands around. I think about how to rewrite their characters OFTEN. very often. I’m gonna go with likeable character over likeable people because I think they work better where they’re actually not that likeable people. 
The one I think about the MOST is Munakata. He was SUCH wasted potential and I partially blame the medium for that (a single season anime is too constrained for future, it needed more time and care to be a proper story). But Munakata is actually so close to being a compelling character but they made some MAJOR mistakes with him. This ended up getting really long and more like a 3 page ADHD ramble essay. SO IM VERY SORRY to anyone who cannot read this but TYTYTY if you did because these ideas make me very happy! Oh it’s only about Munakata btw because of how long it got
The thing about Munakata is that he is designed to be a foil to Naegi. In fact a majority of dr3 future FOCUSES on this foil dynamic. It is Naegi’s hope vs Munakata’s hope. The World’s hope vs The FF’s hope. And more importantly it is True Hope vs Corrupted Hope.
This is a fantastic concept...so why didn’t it work in canon? I think that the biggest most glaring issue with Munakata’s hope is his logic. Munakata is meant to be a logical man, although with corrupted morals that lead him astray. Yet in canon his logic is laughably infallible. For example as a major figure in the FF and someone who wants to spread hope....why would he tell Naegi to kill himself? More importantly why does he continue to try and slaughter Naegi? The issue here isn’t from the fact that he wants him dead but from the fact that he is under the IMPRESSION that this entire game is being broadcast to the world.
Think about this for a second. In Munakata’s eyes he is going to kill the Ultimate Hope, an international symbol of a better life, live on TV. He doesn’t just want to kill the Ultimate Hope..he wants to do it BRUTALLY as a MAJOR FIGURE OF THE FF. IMO this should have happened later on as the game furthers the emotional turmoil in Munakata’s head and he eventually snaps and gives in to the desire to kill Naegi despite the fact that this is live. And then there should be CONSEQUENCES for that. I wanted so badly a realization where Munakata realizes that he is hurting the Ultimate Hope in front of what he believes is the entire world. 
Another issue with Munakata’s logic is saying things such as...implying that the HPA KG was...just a game. I mean...people DIED. it's not hard to see how wrong that logic is. you can't say “this is the real world now” when what Naegi experienced WAS the real world. I think that this could be fixed through a bit of world building. DR3 Future is rather isolated from its world. We don’t really know much about the world and its dynamics. I think it would make perfect sense if the general public viewed the HPA KG as a tv show, they got numb to the sight and even those untouched by despair had a hard time connecting that these are REAL people suffering. With this previously established Munakata expressing that the KG was not real would make a lot more sense and play into his corrupted idea of hope. 
There is also Munakata’s connection to his other friends. Now I’ve talked about this before but the game was clearly designed to BREAK Munakata and Naegi. This way the FF would die, both the FF and World’s hope would be broken, and upon seeing this Mitarai would have no choice but to deploy his own forced hope. So it makes perfect sense that Yukizome’s death would break him (in fact if she hadn’t died in that way, her NG code was designed to be Munakata’s fault). But something about it felt...superficial. Again I think this is the mediums fault but it almost feels as though Munakata just forgets about Yukizome until later. I think they should spend more time establishing his pain and what he has lost and why this pushes him to kill. In his eyes if she can die then nothing else matters. It should be THE breaking point, not the first push. I do like the betrayal he feels towards realizing she had despair but it needed more time to fester. 
And his relationship with Sakakura also felt weak. In all honesty it was hard for me to feel as though they were ever friends. Sakakura is written as though he just follows Munakata like a loyal dog and Munakata just orders him around. Establish their relationship more! Why are they such good friends? Why is Sakakura important to him? And more importantly why did Munakata decide to cruelly gut Sakakura knowing he was about to confess? This is because he believed that Sakaura was despair and that his confession was more manipulation, but they didn’t show this well at ALL. Munakata just comes across as a major a-sshole who does not care. I also personally found it distasteful that when changing his heart Munakata only seemed to cry for Yukizome. I understand that was his love interest but Yukizome at the end of the day killed herself. Sakakura however was an unnecessary betrayal he took into his own hands AS HE HIMSELF KILLED HIM. He should have more guilt over that! Not just in that moment where he runs to Sakakura, but ahead of time as well! Maybe even DURING his rampage they could have shown him having moments of guilt but he is so absorbed in the idea that all despairs have to die that he doesn’t even realize he has become despair in the name of hope.
A BIG weakness on Munakata’s part comes with interacting with other characters. He is a man who should know how to take charge, lead, and doesn't know what to do when things are getting too crazy even though he THINKS he does. Munakata is heavily flawed, OBVIOUSLY flawed, but many of the interactions with him are as tho his rampage isnt a big deal. There should be reasons for this! Why do people trust Munakatas guidance so much? I dont know! All ive seen from him is that hes insane! Maybe even pieces where around others hes a lot nicer so you can understand why they follow him, even though hes ready to gut Naegi alive with a flaming katana. His interactions with others feel like the writers just wanted to see the next big evil thing they could think of, but for Munakata’s character this doesn't make sense because he was appointed a high status in the foundation for a reason. Maybe even have people say they disagree with some of his methods but at the end of the day he gets the job done!
There is another major missed opportunity here and it's why Muanakata wants Naegi dead so badly in the first place. The remnants. Hiding terrorists in the apocalypse is a PERFECTLY valid reason to want someone dead and think they're a bad guy! But I think since Naegis initial arrest was already so hostile and violent we get the sense that the FF is simply just...crazy. 
And let’s think about what Munakata WANTS from Naegi. He does not just want Naegi dead he wants something worse. He wants Naegi to suffer first. He thinks that Naegi doesnt understand his own personal pain. He thinks that because Naegi protected the remnants he must also not care about the suffering the remnants caused. He wants Naegi to feel despair and then die. This is important to his corrupted hope. He thinks the suffering must be shared in order to understand who must die, but he is creating a cycle of pain. Tie this back to the broadcasting issue. He wants Naegi to break for everyone to see. I think..and this is just a concept..I think it would have been a great idea for Munkata to force Naegi to watch the despair video so that he has no choice but to understand. 
AND themes are majorly important to Danganronpa. And I don’t think its a stretch to say that there are parallels between Munakata and Naegi. In fact I would say that there are aspects of the og trio in this new trio. I think it would have been really cool if they showed how our favorite trio could have ended up if they had been corrupted as well. But the parrellels dont stick strongly. I think it would have been cool to show a past where Munakata’s idealism lies more strongly than Naegis. As the student council president there was a time where he himself had to use his words to solve problems. Perhaps he learned that sometimes his words made things worse. Munakata does not have Naegi’s talent of emotional intelligence. He is a man of action over words. So he interprets this as WORDS being the problem rather than understanding he does not have these skills. Especially when the apocalypse breaks out, it becomes all action over words. So he sees Naegi who is all talk as a genuine threat who will let everyone die through his “weak ineffective” idea of hope. 
Another parallel could be drawn from the fact that they both have hope based careers. Their job is too keep things hopeful. Maybe Naegi stays safe doing public broadcasted speeches, while Munakata is on the field weeding out despairs. This would cause Munakata to feel as though Naegi is doing no real work yet getting all the credit for being a savior.
Munakata constantly complains that Naegi does not know true pain. But he and we as an audience have followed Naegi through his entire process of trauma. We know he is in the wrong. But what do we as an audience know about Munakata’s suffering? We are shown almost nothing! There are some implications, but for how intense he is implications are not enough. We need to see his suffering. We should see how he has witnessed death. Yukizomes death is not nearly enough for this because he talks as though he has suffered for years. How can we as an audience understand that when we have never seen it? How can we understand Munakata when he is outright denying Naegi’s trauma that we KNOW existed with no proper justification for his reasoning?
I also believe that Munakata should have died. It actually upsets me a bit that he was PLANNED to die but didn't. He should have died protecting Naegi after all that suffering and relentless brutality he offered him. Munakata again is a man of action over word, and protecting Naegi with his last breath is the perfect way to show how in the end he changed. Especially when all he wanted initially was for Naegi to die. I find that much more satisfying than just…...walking off to who knows where.
So lets recap some changes. Munakata needs a proper display of his past traumas and his relationship with Sakakura and Yukizome. Munakata needs a proper display of his work relationships and the respect he has earned. Munakata needs to fall into corruption at a better pace, and have geniune reasons for his illogical attacks on Naegi. Munakata needs to care more for his friends. Munakata needs to deal with the turmoil of wanting to hurt Naegi while he believes the world is watching. Munakata needs to die for Naegi
This has gotten long...and I still have things to say. There is so much to make Munakata a good character. Future had a lot of potential and is amazing for a rewrite concept. As for Sakakura and Yukizome since this has gotten long feel free to ask for another round of this individually when asks are open again! If you read all of this somehow….TYSM
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peachade · 4 years ago
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Writing Asks
thank u to sarah @soldouthaz, lily @theisolatedlily and late @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me !!
1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted
started in eighth grade after moving which fucked me up (i’m still to recover lmao) n i needed a distraction, reading had always helped but writing is what let me see what the root of my agony was. (im not trying to be pretentious i swear) i first started on wattpad (love hate relationship to this day) and beginning of lockdown this year gravitated to ao3 which has been my saving grace !!!
2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?
so far i’ve mostly written in louis’ pov. i’ve had to ask this question in the early stages — i resonate the closest to harry. most of my wips are harry centric for that reason. i mean, yes and no — i tend to take some part of me and fit it into the character but at the same time i don’t like seeing me on a page so yes and no.
3. where do you often find inspiration?
EVERYWHERE. mostly others’ stories be it in the way of songs, music, writing, art. usually it’s me coming across a vaguely aesthetic picture and my brain spitting out one or two random scenes and me trying to make that a story.
4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?
both !!! i have new wips but also i lost a lot of motivation to do anything for a bit. school is sucking the soul out of me — it’s both easier and harder with it being online, the worst part is i can never truly feel like i’m getting a break from it. recently it’s been easier for me bc of the friends i made (ily all) it’s hindered a little bit bc i can’t go out and watch people and streetlights and the blur of cars and try to pour out that feeling into words and create something. at the same time it’s helped me gain more perspective on people and relationships which has been a massive help to writing in general.
5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?
depending on the number of classes i have/attend, my mental stability, the story and my sensitivity. i often can’t stand loud noises so there’s that but there is always some noise or the other so it’s never truly silent. i like it that way. sometimes i just play intense studying playlist on spotify and write, Lucida by Odin Sørlie and Haunted Heart by Dawn, Dawn, Dawn are my favourites.
6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?
excessive usage of the same word in mine. in general, i’m not a fan of stereotypical characters or romanticising harmful themes.
7. describe your ideal writing setup
2 am, in bed, music still ringing in my ears, three texts from my best friend about a story or about their day. under the blanket, the room smelling of chocolate or something sweet.
8. favorite time of day to write?
anytime but afternoon. those hours are for naps.
9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?
fiction? i’d love to write a fantasy au 👀
10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?
yep yep. i just edit an old story or read my old works or other writers’ fics. i gave up trying to force myself into writing — i hated the end product and felt bad so.
11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?
probably the emotions? dialogue without a doubt — i dread writing it. it doesn’t come to me naturally. i can write lengths without dialogue tbh. also smut — it’s an eh eh aspect.
12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable)
my wonderful friends. they do dumb shit and i want to tell the world about their dumb shit so i make characters out of them.
13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?
as of now it is fucker — delightful word that one. least favourite is probably squelch — just no.
14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?
the dreamy feeling i manage to write without a doubt !!!! dialogue and pacing. i don’t have the best dialogue or the pacing or the length for fics but i’m working on all of those !!
15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?
still a wip so i can’t tell you much except that it’s a proper treat. will write this once i’ve posted that fic !!
16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?
*nervous laughter* the font changes from fic to fic — crush is comic sans, size 11. October was Lora, 11. Twisted in bedsheets is courier new, 11. stargazing is spectral, 11. so yeah — whatever the fic demands. single spaced !!!! except when i’m overwhelmed i do double spaces.
17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?
I Cannot Type. if you think i can — congratulations you were fooled. autocorrect is the loml.
18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?
of course !!!! i basically do not exist out of my writing.
19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?
pain, pining, longing. lust.
20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?
we’re all fucked up but we’re trying and trying sometimes is enough. you shouldn’t spend your life carved out around one person. it’s okay to ask for help and need a shoulder to lean on. i hope these come across in my future fics !!!!
21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?
bold of you to assume i’ve ever received advice.
22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?
a new fic. will update the answer once that fic is out !!!!!
23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?
chronologically. i can’t do out of order. i do have a page full of scribbles but they are to tell me the order sjakmd.
24. how do you handle criticism?
if it’s constructive then well. no thick skin tbh. makes me feel as if i need validation from someone else on my art which isn’t necessary but my brain is wired to seek it and it’s a hassle.
25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?
write everything you would want to read. write it bad, don’t worry about the quality. don’t worry about the audience. end of the day, it should be something you can turn to for comfort not something that makes you feel bad.
26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?
people telling me they like my writing and it could take them out of this world for a few minutes !!!!!
27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?
probably crush verse !!!! harry — his is probably the one character where i dump most of me in.
28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?
rant to me about anything. i enjoy talking. ask me about wips so i can take the little guilt and write more.
29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?
it’s nice to let go and express things and create characters with a better situation than mine.
30. why do you write?
keep myself busy.
boost yourself + tags
1a. share the last sentence you wrote
No kissing. No flashbacks.
2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about
a little something i’m writing inspired by @brickredtoe’s art !!!!
3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of
ok. well. from 5436 miles
“Or we could always add a trail of stars to one of those moons,” he replies, words dragged out, rolling around in his mouth.
He can see the glint in his eyes even behind his closed lids. Everything about Louis is inked and etched into every fiber of his being.
He would’ve kissed him, words pouring from his mouth into Harry’s, only half his.
He snorts. “And make it seem like the moon has a buttplug? No, thanks.”
4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s)
both my published fics have circular endings.
5436 miles — Louis always had more stars in his eyes.
these tornadoes are for you — His heart beats in peace.
5a. link to the last fic you read.
sugary sweet by the immensely talented @soldouthaz
6a. link the last work you published
here
7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable)
wheeee
8a. someone that inspires you
taylor. she’s so so wonderful.
9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year
all of riv, sarah, ris and late’s fics. they’ve been so so comforting. Event Horizon by @mercurial-madhouse
10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!
@mercurial-madhouse @harryanthus are the only ones coming to mind atm. i’ve been up for too long apologies.
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thisuserlovesnayeon · 4 years ago
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hello everyone! well i dont know who i mean by “everyone” considering my blog is basically an echo chamber for my own thoughts and feelings but nevertheless hello! as you may have seen already loads on your dash, everyone’s whipping out the end of year shoutout posts thanking the people who have made this dark hellhole seem a bit brighter. im going to do the same - so to all the people tagged below thank you very much for your services to my mental wellbeing!! as an avid fanfic consumer i will say the amount i interact with said fanfic writers is quite atrocious - something I hope to improve in the new year. so without further ado, here are some people id like to say thanks and well done to!
🌟 @starrychannies - thank you for being the first skz blog i decided to follow since stanning!! your fics are so beautifully written and you just have this way of writing that fills me with what i can only describe as warmth and love. the little details you put in and how you write the characters (both skz and the reader) is what keeps me coming for more. its like i feel a genuine connection with the characters that rarely occurs in fics it seems and im very grateful for your talent - along with the memey gifsets and picures of course! i genuinely hope 2021 is a gorgeous year for you!
🌷 @akinnie75 - where on earth do i even begin!!! i remember stumbling across your blog on a sunny june afternoon and suddenly it was time for dinner, id read all of your fics multiple times and i could barely remember that the BTS members werent really princes or ghosts or even sociology majors! the way your stories cascade across the page like a giant waterfall is something i havent seen in literature for a really long time. again, im a sucker for characterisation and you absolutely nail it every single time. thank you so much for the work you produce and once again i hope 2021 brings you joy and happiness.
⛩ @chenle - if we’re talking about blogs that fed my skz addiction, it would be a crime not to mention you. i literally vivdly remember sending you an ask saying I dOn’T eVeN kNoW wHo StRaY kIdS aRe YoUr FiCs ArE nIcE tHo and look where we are now. i can sense 2020 was a tough one, as was the case with so many people and whilst a part of me is sad you are no longer writing, i am mostly very grateful for the vast expanse of fics and ideas and stories and headcanons and everything else you blessed your cult with. i sincerely hope you can take this opportunity to rest and rejuvenate and whatever path you choose to take i will support you all the way.
🎨 @ofkimtaehyung - although i mentioned my avid consumption of fanfics, i do enjoy the occasional gifset and fanart too. whilst im past my brief tryst with BTS (she says 👀👀) one would have to be blind to ignore the immeasurable talent you hold. how you manage to manipulate music videos and photoshoots into concert ticket stubs, movie posters and broadway leaflets is honestly beyond me. BTS are already 7 of the most handsome ethereal men to exist and your sublime editing means they end up looking even more heavenly. i hope 2021 brings rewards for your work because it is seriously amazing!
⛓ @anqeluv - your changing aesthetics as well as the 2020 kinktober masterlist were all that i needed to be drawn in. the way you write the filthiest things in the most simple and eloquent manner is severely understated. lots of people tend to go overboard with the ~naughty~ scenes but you keep it the perfect balance of classy and downright filthy which is much appreciated. im very excited to see that you are possibly considering writing for ateez as well - who are one of my newer fav groups! i very much look forward to all that you will bring in 2021 and hope you are safe and well.
🐈 @chaoticminhos - it was priceless that pulled me in and all the rest of your gorgeous fics that have kept me here! and boy am i not complaining. you have such a gentle (ironic for someone called chaos i suppose) way of writing in my opinion, that keeps things flowing and simple without unnecessary embellishments and i just adore it. priceless, in my humble opinion, is such a classic that i keep coming back to. i sit back in awe at the quiet progress of their relationship every goddamn time (as though im reading it for the first time) and im very grateful for the experience. i hope 2021 brings you lots of light and positivity.
there are so many other blogs that have helped me get through this year - whether it be with their creative content like fics, their personalities and jokes shared on their blogs or even advice given to their anons. im sorry i couldnt mention everyone, but do know that if i follow you you hold a very special place in my heart and im very grateful to all of you content creators. people dont appreciate what you do enough, and instead of offering feedback and compliments you get attacked by rude anons demanding more of your work, regardless of what your personal situation might be. you dont deserve this at all and i do hope people have worked on their manners during quarantine now that we have had the time! anyway, to close off, even if you havent done anything this year, im still incredibly proud of you for making it this far. whether we’ve talked before or not (we probably havent im a bit of a hermit i’ll be honest), my inbox is always open. if you need a friend to joke with, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to - im here. have an absolutely amazing NYE and lets make 2021 our year!!!!!
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basilgrimbitch · 5 years ago
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Day Two: Swap
Normal high school AU where Baz is new to Simon’s English class but Penny is the one that gets assigned a seat next to Baz. Aka English nerds in love.
Words: 3457
Note: this is unedited and super rushed but its something!
No warnings apart from a lot of swearing. Enjoy!
_____ 
SIMON
“Alright so I posted the seating plan on the class page, did everyone get a chance to see it?”
While everyone scrambles to look at their laptops, I’ve already seen Ms. Possibelf’s seating plan and can I just say… What. The. Fuck. She’s sat me across the room from Penny (honestly fair since we never get any work done) next to some random girl named Trixie; she seems nice enough but so bloody boring. How am I supposed to make it through a whole year of English without Penny? I can hear the complaints layering up in the tiny classroom and I can see the teacher ignoring every single one of them. I don’t think I’ll bother asking for a change. Though, maybe she’ll listen to Penny?
I nudge Penny’s arm, I guess she’s already seen the seating plan too because she makes no effort to look at her laptop and moves towards her assigned seat.
“Surely the fuck not?” I don’t bother whispering.
“I think you mean surely the fuck yes. I’m not failing this semester because you want to tell me a gross story about your arms smelling like Cheetos mid class.” I’m smirking and she looks like she’ll bite my head off. That makes me smile more.
“That was once!”
“It still happened, and I’d rather hear about your smelly limbs at lunch time - or better yet, never.”
We’re cut off by Ms. Possibelf starting the class, or at least trying to.
“You should’ve all written a draft of your persuasive orals over the holidays, now you must refine them and prepare a final copy. These will be presented in two days.”
Okay as much as I’m a clown in English, I’m actually decent at it. I’ve already written and edited my script, so I really have nothing to do. I sit in my seat and glance at Penny, it looks like she’s done too. I’m fairly sure she’s playing fire boy and water girl, she’s playing both parts (because I’m not there) and she’s taking up the entire table, her desk mate looks so uncomfortable squashed into a corner. Who is he, by the way? The name on the roll was Tyrannus, what the fuck kind of name is that? So pretentious.
I open up Instagram on my laptop and text Penny.
Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow
Simon Snow [10:04]: who is heeeeeee
Penelope Bunce [10:04]: who?
Simon Snow [10:04]: the guy ur sat next to whats his name?????
Penelope Bunce [10:05]: got a bit of crush huh :0
Simon Snow [10:05]: oh fk off I haven’t even seen his face,,, whats his name??
Penelope Bunce [10:06]: he said to call him baz
Simon Snow [10:07]: hmm weird but cool name
Simon Snow [10:07]: what schools he frm?
Penelope Bunce [10:07]: idk do ur work Si
Penny stops typing, she looks me in the eyes then turns to speak to Baz, shutting her laptop. That’s such an odd name, right?
They talk, she’s laughing, he’s just sitting there so composed. He doesn’t look bored exactly, just that he’s better than seeming overly excited. Dickhead it is then.
Even though I think I’ve already decided I hate him, I don’t stop looking at them. He’s got long hair, its black and loose just above his shoulder, his skin is this gorgeous caramel that doesn’t need tanning and his eyes, they’re so grey a mix of green and blue I think and – fuck. We’re making eye-contact, not in like oh oops, more like oh shit why is this guy staring at me. He must think I’m a fucking creep. Shit.
It’s not like I care though, he probably thinks he’s better than everyone in this room anyway. But he’s just smiling at me? Fuck that’s a good smile. I think I’m smiling back, I can’t help it. He turns back to speak to Penny, they seem like they’re in deep discussion about something, I wonder what? And suddenly, I catch myself wishing I was her. Um, what?
The rest of the period flies by. Too quick, I think, not that I need more time to work, I just kind of wish… whatever.
Penny, as per bloody usual, is taking her precious time packing her stuff away. I walk up to her table, hyper aware of Baz’s presence there,
“Planning on leaving anytime soon?” I ask, trying to seem as nonchalant as can be, but my eyes keep glancing to him. I think Penny must’ve picked up on it because then she says, all smug,
“But then you wouldn’t get to meet Baz,” she gestures to Baz, who’s raising his eyebrow and smiling a little against his better judgement I think, then she gestures to me and then back again, “Baz, Simon. Simon, Baz. There we go.” He’s full on smiling now. Fuck, how can someone be so pretty?
“So nice to meet you, I’m Baz Pitch.” He puts his hand out for me to shake it – that’s so proper. I’m not even convinced he’s 17. He’s so calm and put together, these are not words you use to describe a 17 year old guy.
“H-hey, yeah, Simon.” Of course, I trip over my words, I’ve always struggled with that but I’m also really fucking nervous for some reason.
“Do you wanna have lunch with us, Baz?” Penny’s throwing her bag over her shoulder, looking at me like she knows what she’s doing to me and then back to Baz with genuine eyes. Penny doesn’t usually get on with people like that, that’s why we’ve been friends for so long, she really doesn’t have other options (not like I do either).
“That’d be nice.” He says, the corner of his mouth inching up, giving his cool exterior away. He’s not a pretentious git, is he? He’s just a boy on his first day of school; that’s fucking daunting.
We walk out the classroom – finally – and Baz starts telling us about himself and his old school. Mainly just answering Penny’s questions. Does he have siblings? Yeah, four half siblings. How come he moved schools? dad moves a lot for business. Oh, is he going to be moving again? Probably not until after high school, by then I could move out anyway.
I’m not usually this quiet. Usually I’m more social than Penny. I don’t know what’s come over me, I wish I could be her right now.
Lunch happens, Baz doesn’t really eat. Not like I was watching him. Well he was sat right in front of me and I just noticed that he wasn’t eating anything. Surely that’s normal.
I finally ask Baz what other classes he’s taking; other than English we don’t share any classes and then I let myself say, “that sucks.” But only because its normal, its not flirting. You can want a friend to be in your class. Penny still looks at me anyway.
But then he says, “I’ll just have to look forward to English,” and my heart melts.
______
I try not to think about Baz right now, in bed, but I am anyway, and I remember him telling me his full name; so naturally I’m suddenly typing it into the Instagram search bar. Aha! He’s not on private, thank the gods of social media.
I start scrolling through his feed, careful not to tap anything of course. There are a few photos of him alone, they’re gorgeous; he dresses so nice. Penny says I can’t dress myself. In one photo from a month ago he’s in this incredible suit, taking a mirror selfie in a bathroom that looks nicer than my whole house. His hair is slicked back (I think I prefer it loose – still so bloody fit though) and his cheekbones are so defined, he’s got that same face he had when we first met today – eyebrows raised, little bit a smirk, beautiful eyes.
I scroll down to the next photo, this one is different. It’s not a hot mirror selfie, its him carrying a little girl – his little sister? – on his shoulders looking up at her with a smile, a real big smile. He’s dressed a bit more casual too, still nicer than anything I own though it’s just jeans and a black button down. I keep coming back to the jeans. How can someone look so good in jeans?
I scroll through a few more photos, some with friends, some more of just him and a few of books he’s reading or places he’s visited. I feel like I know him a little bit better now – less in a stalkerish way more in a… well I can’t think of the write word. I can never think of the write word.
My phone vibrates all of a sudden and I literally drop my phone, so I don’t accidently like anything.
Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow
Penelope Bunce [23:13]: up thinking bout prince charming?
Simon Snow [23:14]: shut up
Penelope Bunce [23:14]: don’t blame u he’s v cute.
Penelope Bunce [23:14]: And smart.
Penelope Bunce [23:14]: you have my blessing
Simon Snow [23:15]: bugger off,, as if he’s even into guys
Simon Snow [23:15]: I was literally such an idiot today he probs doesn’t even wanna be my friend
Penelope Bunce [23:16]: AHA SO U ADMIT IT
Simon Snow [23:16]: did I even have to
Penelope Bunce [23:16]: ofc not. For what its worth I think u have a shot.
Simon Snow [23:17]: sureeeee
Simon Snow [23:17]: fuckkkkk im gonna be so dead tomorrow,, gn love u
I turn my phone off, pull my glasses off chucking them somewhere I probably won’t find them tomorrow and roll over to fall asleep.
______
We’ve got English first period today. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for English, but then I remember I don’t even get to sit next to him.
I walk into class and he’s already in there, we make eye-contact – way less awkward than yesterday – and he gives me a nod. Its friendly, it’s nice, it’s already a bit familiar. I give him a little wave with my right hand below the books I’m carrying but then I’m nearly dropping then, and my laptop starts sliding through my arms. It’s a shit show and it’s too early in the morning to embarrass myself, but I don’t get a say do I? As a say good bye to my laptop that is threatening to smash in the ground any second now – and any possibility for anything with Baz – I hear a chair scraping at the floor then not being pushed in. Suddenly, Baz’s hand is on my shoulder; the other grabbing my laptop that’s basically just resting on my belt buckle at this point. I beg myself not to blush, not now.
Baz is laughing. We’ve – he’s – saved my laptop and now he’s carrying it and my books; he insisted I was not to be trusted.
“Alright, special delivery all the way to your seat. You sure you’re okay Snow?” He’s using my last name because he thinks it’s ‘such a waste to not make use of such an iconic surname’. I like the way it sounds on his lips. I think I just like his lips and anything after is automatically perfect. Perfect.
He taps my shoulder, “you okay there?”
“Huh? Yeah yeah, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep very much last night.” That’s not a lie.
Baz nods and says he’s gonna go get started on the work, I watch him walk away. The school trousers, they’re no jeans but he looks good in everything.
I try to do some work, making cue cards for my presentation, but I keep letting myself look over to Baz. Penny just caught me and stuck her tongue out.
Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow
Penelope Bunce [08:31]: ur staring
Simon Snow [08:32]: am not,, go away
I go back to working on my cue cards after making a show of shutting my laptop in front of Penny. I get through two more cards before I see a pair of shoes approaching my table. I look up and sure enough its prince charming – I mean Baz. He clears his throat and says,
“I hear you’re good at English”
“There’s no way Penny said that,” I laugh.
“True, she said ‘he thinks he’s better than everyone else.’ But I take it for good reason.” He smiles while doing air quotes, I smile back at him because I can’t help myself.
“Well, I definitely don’t suck.”
“Good. Do you mind reading over my script, please? I feel like it needs a little bit of editing.” He hands over his laptop, “don’t drop this one okay?” he chuckles.
I honestly don’t know how to act around him. I’m the epitome of those ‘act normal’ memes. He hands me his laptop and I start reading. His presentation is on single use plastics and it is so well written, he definitely doesn’t need my help. My neck is getting warm and I hope I’m not blushing at a script on environmentalism just because it was written by a hot guy. That’s pathetic.
But he’s not just a hot guy, is he? He’s smart – so smart – and he’s so kind even if you wouldn’t think so; when he helped me with my books today, I couldn’t help but think back to that photo of him with his sister, so much warmth and kindness expertly hidden under a cool and calm facade. I get to the end of his conclusion and look up in awe but he’s standing just behind me leaning forward waiting for my response. That explains the warmth I was feeling.
Baz doesn’t seem like the kind that would ever doubt himself but if you could see him now, you’d think he cared about what everyone thought about everything; and maybe he does, maybe he just hides it really well.
“Baz.” I make eye-contact with him, finally on purpose, “this… its incredible. I don’t even know why you’d ask for feedback. Your arguments are excellent, and your use of inductive reasoning is really fitting.”
His face lights up, a kind of innocent smile creeps up on his face and for the first time I think I want to kiss him. But even more so, I want to be responsible for more of those smiles. “Really?”
“It’s perfect.”
I look away because I don’t want him to see me blush. Penny is looking straight at us, she gives me one of her reassuring smiles.
______
It’s been two weeks of school; all my classes suck but it’s our last year and soon enough we’ll miss it. At least that’s what Penny keeps saying, Baz agrees with her.
Baz has been spending more time with us; we hang out at lunch time, he’s joined us for frozen cokes a few times in the past few hot days. It’s nice. I can actually talk to him now too.
He’s so smart, smarter than I had thought. He’s not just academically smart, he knows more than just surface level knowledge. Yesterday, on our walk to English he was talking about some article he read on the relationship between sleep deprivation and blood alcohol concentration just for fun. Though its nerdy and just a bit lame, the way his eyes light up when he talks about things he cares about, I’d listen to the summary of a thousand dumb articles to see that again.
Right now, Baz isn’t here though, and all my brain can do is think about him.
“Pennyyyy!” she’s lying on my bed while I do my art homework on the floor, she always comes home with me on Tuesdays, I don’t know when that started.
“Si, I already said no like three times.”
“Why not? Do you not love me?” I asked her to swap seats with me in English. I just wanna sit next to Baz, I can say I need extra help or something.
“I love you of course but I don’t want Baz to think I’m avoiding him, and I certainly don’t want Ms. P to fail me for disobeying her one rule.”
“Just please.” I give her my best puppy eyes and pouty face, “I fink I’m in wuv,” I say mockingly. She
throws an old stuffed toy in my face. I guess that’s a no.
______  
The next day I see Baz at the school gates, he’s holding a cup of coffee and his hair is up in a bun today. Flawless.
“Fancy seeing you here,” how can he look so perfect at eight in the morning. I don’t even feel awake yet.
Baz bumps my shoulder with his and we start walking to our lockers. We talk about the English reading we were set, we’re reading Lord of the Flies and Baz is going on about how he and Penny think the book would be drastically different if it had female characters.
“Golding said he didn’t add girls to avoid sex being a subject.” I say, and Baz just looks at me with his eyebrow raised. I call this the signature Baz look now.
“Oh, come on, as if every single kid on that island was straight.” I choke on nothing for a second. Baz and I have never talked about relationships or sex or sexuality. It’s not really a matter of discussion I guess but hearing him acknowledge the idea of guys being together, I don’t know, it gives me hope. That makes no sense obviously, he’s taking about characters from an English novel not himself and really its more an act of Baz’s resistance than it is a nod to gay rights or whatever. But, still, it gives me hope.
“True,” is all I manage to get out.
We get to English extra early after home room, and I start making my way to my seat. Ever since Baz started hanging out with us outside of class, English is back to being plain and boring, nothing special. So, with my shoulders slumped I mutter a goodbye to Baz as I walk to opposite way to my seat but then I feel something on my hand. Oh my god, its his hand. Its Baz’s hand. On my hand. Pulling me towards him. Its not especially romantic or anything. But its something!
“Hey! Swap seats with Penny, come sit next to me today,” surely this is a dream, I must’ve hit my head. “I need your uhhh help with the essay.” Baz doesn’t help, he just discussed key themes of the novel for breakfast. I feel it again, lingering in my chest, hope. “It’s okay if you don’t want to…” he says a bit quieter now, trying to seem as cool as possible. How Baz of him. Fuck I still haven’t said anything.
“What no no, I want to. I’m just not sure what Ms. Possibelf will say; or worse, Penny.” He pulls at my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.
“What? Scared Snow?”
“We’re not in Harry Potter, Baz.”
“True. I’m wayyy better looking than Draco Malfoy and you wouldn’t be a very good chosen one. The worst chosen one who’s ever been chosen.”
I hear myself saying, “what so I’m not more better looking than Harry Potter?” Is this flirting? He squeezes my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.
“You needed me to point that out? I thought it was a given. You’re well fit, Simon.” Simon. Hope.
I hum in response and with one final tug at my hand, he lets it go. I follow him (I’d follow him anywhere).
“Sit, I won’t bite,” He grins at me.
“Yeah but Penny will,” she better not ruin this for me. For us. I sit next to Baz and we start working on our essays. He doesn’t ask for help once.
Penny walks into class, glances at her seat, sees us and walks to my – her – seat next to Trixie.
Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow
Penelope Bunce [08:14]: u win. Enjoy!
I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.
Baz notices I’ve changed my window to Instagram DMs and nudges me, “how come you don’t follow me?”
“Huh, I don’t know? What’s your user name?” As if I don’t know.
Baz grabs my laptop, “I’ll just type it in.” I let him because I’m lazy and I like watching him type but then he clicks on the search bar and has the biggest grin on his face. Fuck. He can see my search history, “looks like you already know it.” How could I forget about that?
I must look mortified because he places his hand on mine. Second time today. “It’s all good. I already have yours too.”
Hope.
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destinychose-a1 · 5 years ago
Note
DO ALL THE MULTIMUSE ASKS!!!!!! IM INDULGING YOU!!
*     MULTIMUSE ASKS  /  CLOSED!
Which muse(s) do you wish had more interactions?
I’d probably say I wouldn’t mind more interactions with Red, Raihan and Hop for starters, and of course, I would love it if I got to explore Nova some more ( although I still need to figure out a KH3 verse for her to make things easier interactions-wise ), and I would also love to flex Shin-Ah and Hak a little more, but finding blogs with Akayona muses is like searching for a needle in a haystack… Bless @florabled for existing tbh!
Name a muse you have written in the past. What was your favourite thing about this muse?
Yukine from Noragami! He starts off as a brat who doesn’t care for the consequences of his actions and undergoes such beautiful growth that still makes me weep to this day. I’ve not caught up with Noragami in a long time, but if I ever get back into it  ( judging by recent reactions, it’s nothing but suffering at the moment )  I’d be tempted to bring him back because he was a lot of fun to write!
What is a fandom you used to write in in the past?
V/LD. I can’t say a single moment of it was fun. I’ve never felt so anxious to be in a fandom in my entire time on tumblr. 
What is your favourite thing when you decide to add a new muse to your blog/when you decide to make a new blog?
Writing up headcanons ( especially in-depth stuff, that’s my jam! ) or searching for aesthetics/quotes that suit the muse. While I’m slow with them, I really enjoy setting up their about pages, too. It’s strangely therapeutic!
Share an opinion you have about multimuse blogs.
Running a multimuse is not as difficult as people might think! Sure, organisation is key, but it’s not impossible and once you have a good tag system going, the rest is easy peasy! Before making a multi, I used to think ‘oh god I’d need to write every single muse all the time or I’m no good’, but now I realise it’s okay if I favour one muse over another. It’s okay if I take muses off my blog. It’s okay if I add muses to my blog. It’s okay if I put muses on hiatus, or only write a certain muse for several weeks. A multimuse experience is what you make of it. Don’t limit yourself. So long as you’re having fun, who cares what you do with your blog?
Does your multimuse blog have a theme? Do the muses on your blog have something in common?
Ohhhhh boy. Almost all of my muses are hiding a lot of insecurities or suffer from trauma in some shape or form  ( which I find cathartic to explore as I suffer from similar things ).  I tend to gravitate towards muses that go through hard times or struggle with self-belief. I like being able to explore these muses overcoming these things, even if there’s no ‘easy fix’ for the things they go through. 
What is the story or explanation behind your blog name?
There isn’t really a story behind it, per se! I kind of hinged my URL around the idea of choice  ( being a multimuse blog and all )  and then it was just a case of attaching a word to it. I liked the connotations of ‘destiny’ and so here I am!
Share a positive experience about multimuses you’ve had in the past.
Up until very recently, I hadn’t really had the chance to interact with many multimuse blogs, so I’ll be basing this off current experiences. Luckily opinions of multimuse blogs have finally shifted, as I remember people being really picky about them in the past. They’re much more efficient, convenient and easier on someone like me who can’t blog hop to save my life! I honestly wasn’t expecting this blog to go very far. I thought I’d struggle or give up fairly quickly and switch back to a single muse, but it’s been so much fun from the very beginning. 
Not to mention, people have been SO welcoming and excited about the muses available! I’ve had multiple people offering to write with multiple muses and it makes me so happy to know that so many of my friends and other followers  ( who I look forward to getting to know better! )  are interested in interacting with me and are supportive no matter how slow I am. Making a multimuse was the best decision I ever made last year and I can confidently say I’m never going back!
List some of your favourite multimuse blogs.
@wieldstorm
@cursecloud
@yeonban
@isolov
@thechessboard
@gildedcrown
@florabled
@serapholy
@narrationis
@victoryclaimed
+ BASICALLY EVERY MULTIMUSE I FOLLOW. You’re ALL so incredibly talented with each and every single muse you write. You’re doing amazing!
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crqstalite · 5 years ago
Text
pt. 1, unforseen (felix && naji)
this turned out so much worse than i wanted it to.
i was actually kind of worried to write this chapter because while i did have the headcanon that force-sensitives could sense their children’s presences even before they were born, but by the time i wrote this chapter i was so absolutely done with trying to characterize the crew right that i just gave up. ;-;
also like?? there are no felix fanfictions anywhere n im so disappointed. even compared to like, torian, felix has like, none. so i guess i gotta write em’ all lol.
enjoy if you can. it does get pretty depressing near the end though :/
written: 7.28.19. word count: 2,686
════ ⋆★⋆ ════
character song: imagine, ariana grande
character file: naji iresso, barsen'thor, felix iresso, lieutenant
-
there’s another presence on the ship.
she feels it washing over her, whether she’s meditating or relaxing alone in her quarters. it’s there, it’s warm and beautiful. it’s much like felix’s, like the sunshine on voss, with a bit of a cooler tinge. but it wraps over her like a blanket or a hug, which is comforting in the dark nights aboard the defender.
while it is wonderful, naji is beginning to think there’s an intruder on the ship who’s really, really good at hide and seek. naji has hunted every single corner of the ship, even getting her husband and other crew members involved, but she can not find it. whatever is causing the extra presence, is either invisible or very, very small.
nadia mentions that she doesn’t sense it when she’s alone, only when she was around. and naji trusts she does meditate on her own, which she finds odd. she can’t ask any one else, because no one else on the ship is force sensitive in the slightest. thank god it’s not a cold aura, because naji may have had to fight herself (preferably with a blanket) to ward it off.
she’s reading a holonovel when she hears her name being called from outside her door. it’s…holiday? for a moment, naji forgets she was given access to the ship, and often appeared wherever she pleased except for their quarters. it was a tough week or so before she buckled and allowed tharan to install sensors in the defender for her to appear where she chose. there was one event in particular that lead to naji and felix making a rule that holiday wasn’t allowed to enter unless they gave her explicit permission, one she’d rather not remember right then.
“i’m alone, you can come inside, holiday.” she says softly.
holiday’s slim pink frame shimmers into view as she smiles to the jedi. naji isn’t very good at reading the hologram’s emotions, but she has a mischevous grin that reminds her of tharan’s when he has some sort of new project he’s working on. she’s up to no good, and she refocuses on her reading. “jedi, i may have found the answer to your…‘force presence’ issue!”
her capacity for not only sentience but a real voice box is amazing as she shrills the last part of her sentence (she didn’t ever tell tharan that, his ego would inflate further than the ship could handle, but she was in awe of his work). “is it a good thing?” she asks, as she continues skimming the holonovel. she’d read this one before, a published diary by an old war hero, and was just getting to the mid-climax of the book. “there are no intruders aboard the ship, i hope.”
“not exactly…” she clasps her hands together as she disappears and reappears into view, sitting on the bed next to naji. she props herself up on her elbows next to the barsen'thor, who turns some of her attention to the hologram. “you did say you wanted kids one day…”
“that is true, holiday.” naji smiles to herself as she flips the page. it was a dream she’d had since she was young, but given her position as a warden of the order, felix and her had pushed it back as far as they could. in the prime of their lives, neither was exactly ready to have to resign themselves to the ship or an apartment to care for a child just yet. home was where the heart was, and her heart was with felix iresso. naji wasn’t ready to share it just yet with a baby. “why?”
“well, where do you think that force presence is coming from, if only you can sense it?” holiday purrs, rolling onto her back.
“i’m not sure, holiday.” she answers absentmindedly as the other female groaned. “why, where do you believe it’s coming from?”
“naj, you’re a great person, you’ve helped tharan day in and day out and are even the warden on the jedi order. but could you please listen and think for just a second?” she nearly begs the woman. “why else would i ask about a force presence and then kids within the same span of five minutes?”
“i’m not su-” she pauses for a second, halfway in between flipping another page without even thinking about holiday’s question before the realization sinks in. the force presence was relatively new, and while small, it enveloped her in a way she’d never felt before. only before when she’d reached out in the force for a younger being, such as nadia or the younglings at the temple. innocent, full of life and a passion for adventure. a fire that couldn’t be quenched, but a soft, warm feeling that left you feeling euphoric.
but…
turning slowly to the smirking hologram, she puts the holonovel down on the opposite side of her, trying not to show the anxiety pulsating through her veins as she continues thinking, running a hand through her hair. “holiday, what are you implying?”
“i think you know exactly what i’m implying.” she grins, but her face drops once she sees that naji hasn’t broken into a smile yet. “naj, you do know what i’m implying, right?”
naji stands from the bed, holonovel forgotten as her eyes darken, her hands becoming sweaty and heart rate increasing. “h-holiday-”
“naj, aren’t you happy?” holiday asks, disappearing and reappearing next to her. a panic attack is creeping up, as her chest tightens, her hands wrapping around herself, tears begging to fall from her eyes as the pink woman is trying her best to comfort her. “i’ve heard most women are excited at the whole 'expecting’ part. i’d never be able to bear my own children.”
“holiday, get. out.”
“naji-” the hologram knows she can’t touch her, as her hands phase through her as the jedi flinches away from her, a fearful look her eyes. “it’s going to be okay-”
“holiday i said GET OUT.”
holiday pauses for a moment, as if she’s run into a malfunction or a bug, before lowering her head and shimmering out of her room. she’s shivering, as if it’s too cold in the room as her vision blurs. she can’t help but panic, she’s afraid. it was bad enough she’d gone behind the council’s back and married not even another force sensitive, but a solider. something she’d sold out another padawan for while she was on tython.
and now what?
she was already carting felix off on mission after mission to save the jedi from utter destruction, attempting to keep the republic in one piece. she was trying to be her best, she wanted to be her best. she wanted to be the padawan everyone saw when she arrived to the temple, the one they could rest all their hopes and dreams for the future on.
what would they think of her then? she’d broken the jedi could already, passion was something she fed off now. was she dipping into the dark side already? naji never felt darkness around her, and nadia admitted her force aura was like the suns of tatooine.
and now she was possibly dropping a baby on him as well?
staring at her hands through teary eyes, she couldn’t help but think,
'where did i go wrong?’
-
felix knows something’s off as soon as he boards the ship after a particularily harrowing supply run (imps, stars they’d be the death of him). usually naji always greets him when he arrives, or eventually comes out of the cockpit or from below deck. he doesn’t immediatly panic though, possibly she’s meditating with nadia, and he wouldn’t want to bother his wife if that was the case. she’d get so wrapped up with her padawan some days that she’d be in a trance for maybe an hour afterwards until the bond was severed for a bit.
but, the ship is oddly quiet. zenith sits at the table near the intercom, in his own world of politics and freeing refugees (all very admirable), so other than an offhanded wave from the sandy colored twi'lek, he heads belowdeck.
what’s off is that there’s hushed whispering. qyzen is tinkering with something near the ship’s engines when he checks that room, and that nadia is nowhere to be found in the medbay (where she usually resides), and he picks up his wife’s name from holiday’s voice in the cargo bay. it’s too quiet, but the female hologram sounds concerned.
“holiday! you know she’s sensitive, why would you do something like that behind her back?” nadia asked hushedly. “you didn’t even offer to help her, you just dropped it on her like a bombshell!”
“i’m sorry, nadia. but it was either that or the multitude of other things that could happen if you ignore it for too long. after a bit of research on the holonet, i found out that using the force extensively can endanger not only her but-”
“yes i know that!”
“you didn’t know that beforehand, did you, nadia?” holiday sounds exasperated as he creeps further and further down the stairs and near the cargo bay’s doors. “i thought she’d be happy, i know i’d be!”
“holiday, dear. our fair nadia is correct in her assessment of your actions. this shouldn’t have been taken so lightly. you are aware of her and lieutenant iresso’s position on the matter.” tharan says, as he catches felix’s eye as he steps into the cargo bay, shifting awkwardly as neither woman meet his gaze. “lieutenant, you’ve arrived back to the defender in one piece.” tharan welcomes him back in a slightly standoffish manner.
“that’s right.” he says, raising an eyebrow. “what exactly did you drop on naji, holiday?”
if a hologram could seem embarassed, holiday did in that moment. she flickers in out of existence, hiding behind a curtain of hair as she frowns. she still freaks him out a bit, with the increased sentience. he keeps thinking she’s a real person, just halfway across the galaxy. she lowers her gaze, not meeting felix’s. “where is she, anyways?”
“she’s in your quarters.” nadia answers quietly, arms crossed. less being threatening, but a stance he often noticed was the product of anxiety from the younger woman. “holiday, you tell him. it’s your fault we’re in this mess.”
instead of answering, she shuts off completely. tharan sighs, and felix knows that there’s no way he can get her back. forcing her back into a holographic form causes some uneeded technical difficulties, including being shocked with a low-voltage electric shock if she was feeling particularily mischeveous. “do i have to ask one of you?”
nadia and tharan share a look before turning back to him. “i feel it would be impersonal if we tell you. you may be more inclined to ask your fair jedi.”
“what’s so wrong? is she okay?” he pauses for a moment before almost rolling his eyes at the two. “if you two keep trying to communicate through your eyes i will eventually get an answer from one of you.”
“of course, felix.” nadia says, twisting her robes in her hands. her haphazardly cut hair does nothing for the sad look behind her eyes as she excuses herself. tharan busies himself with something else in the cargo bay before scuttling out to speak with qyzen. out of sight of the others, he does try to keep from bolting up to his quarters, concerned for his wife’s safety. had she fallen ill without him ever knowing? naji did have a tendency for hiding her own pain in favor of healing his. while not a sage, she was was capable of healing faster than tharan could, even though it took a toll on her force abilities and health.
“naj?” he asks, knocking on their shared quarters’ door. “you alright?”
no answer. maybe she’d headed planetside for the night, but he found that unlikely. “i’m coming in.” he said softly, before unlocking the door.
as always, it’s dark. neither of them do much work here, so they have no reason to really keep the lights up that high or that bright. stepping inside, he can’t hear anything, and can’t see her either. however, she gives her position away as he hears shuffling from the bed. he can just make out her form underneath the rose gold comforter, and after slipping off his armor and boots, goes over to sit opposite to her. “naj, i know you’re there.”
“go away, felix.” he’s only getting more concerned, as her voice sounds hoarse.
“naji, did you get yourself sick?” he asks, turning to face his wife. he catches a glimpse of her puffy red eyes in the dim light before she rolls over to face the wall. she’d been crying, for whatever reason. or, she’s caught herself a nasty cold. placing a hand over her shoulder, she flinches before curling into herself. “don’t be like that, please. you didn’t even come to greet me when i got back.”
“i didn’t want to.” she mumbles, pulling the blanket over her head.
felix knows better than anyone that his wife has secrets, enough to fill one of those boxes and then some. he doesn’t know enough of them to pull one to memory just like that, only that she’s been relatively sheltered within the temple since she was child, and that he was in absolute awe the first time he met her. but, something’s eating at her, and he’s not sure what. and seeing his wife in any sort of pain drives him mad, and not in the way he wants to be either.
wordlessly, he pulls the blanket back just enough for naji’s face to be facing him now. “naj, if something’s bothering you, you don’t have to face it yourself. we’re a team, remember?”
her hair pools around her in a blonde ocean as he brushes damp strands of it out of her face. she must’ve been crying while he was on the ship, and a part of him wishes he’d ignored tharan and the others and come straight here. “what’s bothering you?” he whispers as he helps her sit up against the headboard. she slumps further onto him, a few quiet hiccups escaping her.
“h-holiday-”
“i already know she told you something. she didn’t elaborate.” he answers, smoothing back her hair before she looks up at him, blue grey eyes red and shiny with unshed tears.
“i-i’m so sorry, felix.”
“for what? you never did anything wrong.” he responds. “naj, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
“i should’ve been more careful, this was never supposed to happen, and now…” she trails off into silence. “the force presence i felt, it wasn’t an intruder.”
“okay?” he asks, before she cuts him off.
“felix, it-it’s a child.” he can almost hear her tears rising up again as he tries to take stock of the situation. “i, i messed up. i’m..pregnant.”
felix iresso hates one thing (well he heavily dislikes quite a few things), and it’s when she cries. he doesn’t like it when anyone cries, but when naji breaks down, something in him shatters.
he lets her cry, because there’s no stopping her when does. she’s not a loud crier, but her weeping is enough to make anyone shed a few tears. given, they had both been extremely careful since their first time together (and one of the few times they were every together in such a manner), as she’d expressed her concern of ending his career early (though he’d assured her he was her lieutenant first and foremost) with the prospect of a child. as the warden of the order, he could only imagine how disappointed and crushed she’d be to lose that position that she’d worked her whole life for.
“naj, you don’t need to cry over something you can’t control.” he says quietly, as she shifts herself to rest her head on his chest. “it would’ve been nice to wait a while,” a long while, “but whatever you want to do, i’ll support you through it. whether you don’t want a baby around, or you do, i’ll always be here for you.”
naji’s content to stay with him for the rest of the night. they don’t talk, not about anything. their impending future or her breakdown earlier in the day. the one thing that he does intend to ask her in the morning, as she reads in his lap, is that she wasn’t going crazy. felix had felt that presence too, though he figured not nearly as a strong. he’d thought she’d been running a fever everytime he’d even grazed her skin. but as he adjusted his grasp around her waist, he smiles. deep down, he does hope naji keeps their baby. something with such a bright presence couldn’t be anything that bad.
-
i really hope i characterized felix right. he and andronikos are my favorite romanceable companions.
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spnfanficpond · 6 years ago
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January Angel Fish Awards
Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.
The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.
NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations. If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.
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And we’d like to make a special shout out and say thank you to Ana and Kenzi for your total of 15 Angel Fish Nominations this month! The two of you together nominated 14 authors and the kind of passion for reading and reciprocating your feedback is exactly what we love to see. Thank you both for sharing so much love this month! 
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JANUARY’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!
Nominated by @sorenmarie87
The Pact (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer
Jen’s fics are always so well written and detailed to a point where it feels like it could actually happen.  Not to mention her characterization is on point.  This fic in particular is different from what I’ve read before and everyone should give it a chance. 
Nominated by @littlegreenplasticsoldier
How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington
I’m nominating this fic, which (fair disclosure) I beta’d becuase it does a really really really really great job of fulfilling the brief it set out to achieve: making you cry.
It’s a story of unrequited love between Dean and the reader and it’s doomed, from the outset.  Kate unpacks nearly every angle and moment and hold them up for you as they burn away, right in from of your eyes.  Ruby-level patience.  Nice at brutal.
So if you like your angst and tears, have at it friends.  Cheers, Ali.
(TW for major character death.)
Nominated by @rosieakacanadianspnhunter
Thunder Rolls by @amanda-teaches 
I'm not afraid of thunder, but I definitely felt the fear. I'd totally pretend to be if it meant Dean would distract me this way! I loved the addition of Dean telling the reader what his own biggest fear is! Hot!
Nominated by @percywinchester27
The First Bite  (oneshot) by @shy-violet-soul
Firstly, can I just say that I am absolutely in love with their work? The writer is so sure of what they want to say and know exactly how to say it. And that is a rare thing, when no word is unnecessary. I absolutely fell in love with the characterization of young Dean and Sam. And the OCs are enchanting. Don’t remember the last time I fell in love with an OC so quickly! And the husband-wife duo in the fic are simply adorable. The context and background of the story paint a lovely picture. And Dean… damn that boy breaks your heart. All in all would recommend it 100% Go check the author out!
  The Babysitter (series) @mrswhozeewhatsis
I never thought I would ever commit to a 65 chapter series, but damn! this one felt like a couple of pages, and even after it ended, I was running around my room, screaming like a zombie with “MOREEEEEEEEEEEE.” This could have very well been a parallel world in itself. Like another reality that Jack could create a rift to, where the Winchesters are happy. They have this sister/mother/friend figure in their lives who is absolutely awe-inspiring. She is tender, good and badass but oh so realistic with her feelings. I go back and read the timestamps a lot and my fav chapter where they are in the hotel room at the very end and prank the hell out of everyone else. I was in splits the first time and still am. This doesn’t white wash John, but brings out the best in him. JUST. GO. READ IT. You are fucking welcome!
Living With Regrets (series) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing
The pain!! OH GOD THE PAIN!! The author can personally attest to how I hounded her over this series in her IMs. The timing of each chapter is so perfect that it just leave you with the right amount of angst and desperation for the next chapter. I wanted to push both the characters together and close the door behind them so they could just fucking TALK!! I am emotional about this okay? Also while I wanted to hug and cuddle the little OC, I wanted to strangle and murder the other one!! This series brought out quite a lot of passion in me, one that I didn’t know I had the capacity of feeling over a fictional work, still does. It is an adorable little world that you all should definitely be a part of! Go…go….go!!
Silk and Rough Velvet (series) by @blacktithe7
SARV was the first long series I attempted to read. Also the first AU. It altered my life. Rockstar!Jensen suddenly became a real thing. Y'all have no clue how much this series had awed me. Even now when I mention the series to a third party, my first reaction is - “You haven’t read it? What are you doing with your life?” It has the perfect amount of love, angst and fluff. Gosh! It is the freaking best! Most days there are no words. Today is one of them!
Series Rewrite (series) @torn-and-frayed
A true masterpiece! I don’t know how do you even begin to attempt something like this. The reader is inserted in the rewrite SO FLAWLESSLY!!! SO EFFORTLESSLY that it is crazy! Like what even??? I mean she has a personality of her own. And as strong a presence as Sam or Dean. More importantly, she does not undermine the relationship of the brothers. Does not take away from their moments, all the while creating her own bonds. I love that she is in love with Dean. But damn, I love what she has with Sam, too. The author manages to perfectly capture the essence of the rewrite in the best way possible. Excellent job!
Fresh Start (series) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes
This one is unique in it’s uncomplicatedness (that isn’t a word, but deal with it) Like whoa, the reader is so fucking relatable! I am sure all authors can relate when they make a reader super-strong, super-understanding, super-witty. This one is just super-relatable. And that is the hardest fucking thing to do! The OC is charming AF, and the underlying pain of a dead lover is significant. It is not in your face, it is not too underplayed, but it’s subtle and THERE. Kudos at having achieved the perfect balance of everything. It is rare and awesome! Read this ONE!
Close Every Door (series) by @jotink78
I have never known the sort of pain and angst that this series inflicted on me, I kid you not. I wanted to steamroll everyone,and everybody. If you caught me reading a chapter, there was a good chance that I was either feeling extremely murderous and was sobbing incessantly in the corner. I’ve said it before, despite being one of the kindest people, the author sure knows how to be cruel when it comes to writing. This series is sure to rip your freaking heart part, stomp all over it and out it back. BUT SO WORTH IT!!
More Than You Bargained For (series) by @luci-in-trenchcoats
Best bodyguard!AU I have ever read. It was fun and exciting without getting too palpitating, which is good because the chase and suspense were fantastically written. And the twist at the end, you’d never fucking see that coming. I bet!! I love how they slowly fall for each other even through all their differences. This one I couldn’t put down, it was so good. If you are looking for something to curl up with on a cozy and comfortable Saturday, this is your THING!! Don’t forget to curl in with a blanket and hot mug of coffee before you get started!  
Five years of Christmas (oneshot) by @deanssweetheart23
This is a life worth’s contentment packed in a single fic, neatly wrapped and gifted to you. The words have the softness of petals and the harshness of shards of ice that pierce you and then you die! But then come back later. The author doesn’t only make fiction out the words…. she makes poetry. It flows, straight into your heart. Now, you might think I am being cheesy, but read the fic and then come back. We’ll see who is cheesy then! But seriously, y'all need to get behind this. It is the freaking best. I am in love <3
Nominated by @ellen-reincarnated1967
Red String of Fate (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten
Sweet, serendipitous, a bit heartbreaking, and an 'Ah ha! Yes!!!' ending!!! Honestly, I'd recommend everything on her masterlist, but I've been saving this one for a rainy day read and was not disappointed!
Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis
What Could Have Been (series) by @flamencodiva
Holy moly, this series is killing me. SO MUCH ANGST, yet there’s sweet stuff mixed in there, too. Every day, I look forward to seeing if there’s a new chapter posted!
The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology
This series was posted before, and Saxxxy edited it and reposted it, and it’s fabulous, now! It’s got an intriguing premise, Sweet and protective Sammy, and super hot Alpha!Sam smut! *shiver* It’s awesome! 
Her Saviours (series) by @bamby0304
This series is giving me a heart attack. There’s John, there’s Sam, there’s Dean, but John’s gone, and Sam’s recovering from Jess’s death, and Dean is sweet but has his wandering eye. It’s ABO, and there’s so much love and heartbreak and hormones that I honestly can’t wait for the next chapter to post!
Wishverse (series) by @crashdevlin
This series is a sequel to another series, A Hard Ten. After what happens in Hard Ten, the reader gets her wish and goes back in time, getting the chance to metaphorically turn left instead of right. It’s got sweetness and smutty smut and angst and everything you could ever want! Seeing how everything plays out is fascinating as hell, and I can’t wait to see where this ends up!
Nominated by @samsexualdeancurious
The Cursed (series) by @saxxxology 
This is a repost of one of the many fabulous fics that were lost when Saxxy’s blog got deleted, so a lot of people have already read it at least once. It hasn’t gotten many notes this time around, though, which is an absolute crime because this fic is just as amazing the second time around as it was the first.
Bitten (series) by @saxxxology 
I am head over heels in love with this fic. It has a perfect blend of angst, fluff, and smut, and I’ve been enjoying every word of it.
Tomorrow (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage 
This fic is so cute! I love Dean so much, especially in this fic. Rhi writes him so well and every word out of his mouth is just so Dean is hurts. Also, I can guarantee most of us have at least felt the way this reader does, which makes this fic even more perfect.
Forbidden (oneshot) by @becs-bunker 
This fic murdered me. I am dead and writing this from my suite in Hell. Crowley says “hi” and that he agrees this fic is perfectly sinful. It’s not a fic for anyone who doesn’t like Wincest or Full House of Wincest, but it’s definitely a fic for me.
Playing Victim (oneshot) by @crispychrissy 
Ugh, yes. Gimme all the Sub!Dean/Dom!Reader. There’s simply not enough of that in this fandom and Chrissy nails it so well. Also, the gif she used? Should be illegal.
Three Kisses (oneshot by) @impala-dreamer  
I was dying by the end of this fic. A little angsty, a lot sexy, and then fucking hilarious. Rebekah writes Sam and Dean so well, especially Dean’s snarky big brother side, and I love it.
Nominated by @manawhaat
Let Me Carry You (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!!! Ugh, this fic hurts so fucking good. It’s soft, it’s brutal, it’s so sad it splits you at the seams and makes a home in the hole it punched in your chest. But most importantly, it gives you hope. There’s an honesty that’s written into this story, into Dean and into the reader, and that kind of love and care in crafting this short fic is all anyone could ask for <3
The Truth about Lust (series?) by @scorpiongirl1
Ho, ho, HOLY SHITBALLS! THE DUB CON! This entire thing rides my borderline of fuck no and fuck yes EXCEPTIONALLY WELL! Unf! The story is believable and the way Sam reacts to what’s happening to him is so on point. The remorse and apologies, the snarly growly creature of sex, the restraint and the care he takes for the reader when he literally is dying of lust...jesus fuck. It’s all so Sam. Read it and then go masturbate because, yeah. I did.
Headlights Off (drabble) by @samsexualdeancurious
Yowza, does this girl know how to write that Wincest! Fun, sexy, adventurous, funny. What can I say? It’s everything you want from a wincest fic. 
Free and Easy Down The Road I Go (oneshot) by @samsexualdeancurious
Wincest? Yes. Impala? Yes. Nipple clamps on a slightly subby Sammy? Fuck yes. Snarky, smug Dean giving a world class hand job? Oh yeah, you betcha. 
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!
As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be! :D
THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!
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