#im so behind on my episode posts ignore me while i catch up!!!!!

[rhcenyra]

YELLOWJACKETS ⇢ 2x06 | QUI

Why can’t you hear him crying?!

[misqnon]

hi, i just read all of ur posts tagged as misqnon's one piece liveblogging and it was so much fun T-T. im here to rant about one piece and im sorry.

i really love seeing people react to content i am caught up with and hold close to my heart.

i got into the 800s in the anime and stopped watching, took a break and then read the manga up to around 1060. but last month i decided to read the whole thing from the beginning and it is genuinely SO WORTH IT.

after u have caught up completely its super rewarding to go back and look at previous chapters bc its constant "oh my god look what was foreshadowed here??" and "now i understand the context behind this!!!" and "this interaction is so much more meaningful now that i know their relationship!!". yes it did take me a whole month of nearly nonstop reading to catch back up but i have 0 regrets.

wano and the arc after it are both super fun and interesting and i think ur gonna love it. the lore is crazy. i hope u dont see any spoilers bc going into it completely blind will probably be way more exciting, especially with the most recent arc since its kinda suspenseful and mysterious,,.

anyways thats all i have to say how do you end these things.. take care!!

AAAAA ANON THIS IS SUCH A FUN MESSAGE TO RECIEVE THANK YOU...

I ended up talking a lot so I'll put this under a cut lol

I used to be the person who said I would never watch one piece 😭😭 I've been into anime since I was like 12 and I'm almost 24 now (fuck . That's like half my life) and obviously it's always been on my radar but I always thought it was 1. Too popular 2. Too Long 3. Hated how oda draws women lmao so I was fine ignoring it and only knowing the basics from just Being On The Internet

I think sometime early on I caved and attempted to watch it- I got to alabasta and stopped bc the anime pacing wasn't doing it for me (though I liked it up until then, but didn't LOVE it)

cut to high-school where a couple of my good friends liked it but we never really talked about it, it was a lifelong interest for one of them bc he'd started reading it on like 4th grade

Well I'm still friends with them (shoutout to sam and seb) and they convinced me to watch one piece film red with them in like July or August of last year bc they were showing me the songs and I, ado fan bc I'm a retired weaboo and a vocaloid Stan, was like "haha that sounds like ado" and they went "IT IS!!!!??" so I had to watch it for her.

again, I was like oh this is fun I like this :^) but no IMMEDIATE interest, more of a passive thing... until the live action came out a month or so later and I watched it just because and DAMN I FELL IN LOVE FAST

I went back to the anime and rewatched the beginning, then skipped back to alabasta where I had left off years and years ago and now I'm Here 🧍

I watched up through part of dressrosa before I started reading the manga, and now I'm doing that while watching certain episodes of just the parts I really wanna see animated

It's been. So Fun

I am now that person who's like Hey You Should Watch One Piece. I get it now. I so get it lmao. And you know the weirdest part is that with it being divided up into arcs like it is I find myself thinking it really doesn't feel that long!?!? Am I insane,

anyways. It's been a while since I was in an active fandom or even in a fandom at all - ESPECIALLY such a big one!?! (I was in college for 4 years and Busy).

but it's. Crazy. I'm writing fanfics and joining discord servers and I've never done that before. it's been very fun and rewarding tbh...I don't like a lot of things about oda and aspects he included and ofc one piece isn't perfect or unproblematic but it IS a really awesome epic of a story about friendship and found family and anti authority and its just.

I'm also a person who's always loved reaction videos or just even seeing otherppl react to things I like so I RELATE AND IM SO GLAD I CAN BE THAT FOR U...

I'm ngl as I've been reading I've been wanting to look up some old one piece forums dated the time certain reveals happened bc I want to see how people felt as this shit came out holy Shit....

it's additionally funny bc this blog is about 10 years old and has amassed a decent amount of followers over the years who were just into some of the other random stuff I've been into but I know a fair amount of them were thinking we were on the same page of not being into one piece and now here I am. Ruining that. And with the pervert character as my favorite no less. lmao SORRYYYY YALL <3

I'll leave u with this message I sent into the discord I share with some friends the other day, none of which really watch op, when asked to explain something about the show. In fact, I think the reasoning for this message was BECAUSE I was explaining to a friend just how much oda foreshadows things!! jinbei, kaido, haki, sanjis backstory, ALL being mentioned by name or referenced DECADES/YEARS BEFORE APPEARING ON SCREEN...HUNDREDS OF CHAPTERS APART....I could rant on more but I'll stop for now.

thank u for the message and feel free to dm me to talk about this silly show anytime bc its sunken its claws into me 😭

[sillydreamer]

Hello! O/ I just saw this post of yours and... it's free? If it does: I'd like a headcanon about this image that Beemoov shared today in IG... What type of story I want? I don't know, I'm here to tell you that: Feel free to write anything that your head does about this image and... in that image is Nevra, can you do also for Lance and Leiftan in the future? There's no rush, you can do it with peace of mind n_n

Scenario of the image in episode 7 New Era (Nevra)

Of course I can do this ;3

Let me tell you that I got excited and wrote a scenario instead of a headcanon and also I read it wrong sorry ahhhh, if you want it as a headcanon just say the word and I’ll do it right away! Don’t hesitate to ask!

I'll do the same when Lance and Leiftan images comes in the future (either if the episode comes or when someone publish them in here, I don't have instagram x_x). Anyway, here comes what I think that happened in the image.

Okay seeing this now that I have finished I think that I wrote something quite long hahahaha...I hope that you don’t mind 😅

The stars seemed to dance at the night sky just like the people did below them, Nevra gazed up and found the brilliant dots covering everything until the horizon. Since Huang Hua became leader everything seemed quite normal and everybody was happy. Why couldn't he advance?

He remembered what happened during the last eight years of his life, he discovered people that helped him but now they were gone, he needed to take new responsibilities to protect whoever needed it. The world seemed more like a cold place while everybody danced around him.

"Nevra? Is everything alright?" the voice of Huang Hua interrupted his thoughts and he looked at her. The leader seemed genuinely worried to the point that Nevra felt guilty for being the reason of that.

"Yes, I just feel a little bit tired, that's it" replied Nevra with a low voice. He knew that Huang Hua didn't believe his lie because she sat down right at his side and looked even more concerned.

"I know that there are things that bothers you and are taking space in your mind. It's hard to move on. Let me be clear; I don't want you to act like everything's alright and to ignore what happened eight years ago" her voice always had the power to calm down people, even the vampire felt safe and by looking at those honey eyes he felt like all of the problems could disappear in an instant "But don't forget that there’s things that you can learn in hard situations”

He didn’t answer. That grey eye was passing by every single person in the garden. Each one of them seemed happy and were celebrating with their friends. Why couldn’t he feel the same way?

Nevra sighed heavily and stood up, not having the courage to see Huang Hua’s eyes.

“I’ll think about it. Now I should dance a little” he moved on through the people searching for somebody. He didn’t know what but his legs were moving and his eyes trying to find something. A grip at his shoulder make him turn around and his eyes crossed with a young lady.

The vampire knew her, she was one of the H.Q habitants. They had a few dates and spent some nights together but nothing more. There were not feeling between them and how could it be? Risking himself to get damaged again? 

“Nevra sorry for bothering is just that you seemed...bad” her voice was soft and low. His instinct forgot about whatever it was searching and put all its attention to the lady.

“Nothing unusual, just work and I was searching for fresh air” those words were lies. Nevra felt bad for lying since he hated them but there was no point on worrying others more, he needed to carry with its own weight and problems as he had done for the last years.

“I see...do you want to dance?” she asked almost timidly. Nevra stretched out his hand to grab hers and led both to the dance floor.

This play was a feminine voice followed by a piano and a violin. Nevra was a great dancer since young and he felt the music running through his body but something was feeling wrong. His instinct was telling him to stop and as far a he knew the best option was to follow his inner voice.

Still he didn’t want to leave that poor lady alone so he spend a few more songs dancing with her. His hands grabbed her hips and followed the rhythm of the melody while she looked directly to his face. He looked back but inside of his head the voice begged him to stop, to quit and ran away. “But ran away of what?” He questioned himself while helping that lady to give a spin. The music turned off and this meant that another song was coming by.

“Nevra, are you busy tonight?” again her voice interrupted his thinking. Nevra blinked a few times but didn’t answer. While looking at that lady with yellow eyes he spotted someone else over her shoulder.

Two big purple eyes were looking directly at him, that brown hair was very particular but what surprised him most was the look that Erika gave him; those purple eyes seemed sad but not surprised.

Nevra moved back and looked at the lady that was in front of him, she was waiting for his answer with a bright smile at those beautiful pink lips.

“I-Im sorry...I need do something” Nevra’s voice vacillate for a second. When he looked back at Erika she was gone.

“I understand” the lady whispered and got closer to give Nevra a quick kiss “But promise me that we are going to see each other soon”

After promising that he walked away, back to the H.Q, in there his steps became faster until he was running. Nevra wanted to get away from the world and hide where nobody could ever find him. But again that voice at his brain began speak and told him to think, to not get overwhelmed by the situation.

Before he could question that or even think Nevra found himself front of the crystal room. A few years ago that was his place for meditation; knowing that Valkyon gave his last breath in there, that Erika and Leiftan sacrificed themselves...a lot of hard decisions were taken inside of those walls.

Nevra entered and was received by the pale light of the mineral, nobody was there to bother him and his thoughts. With a calmer step he walked like he was attracted to the light. A heavy sigh left his mouth but it didn’t last long since he heard someone approaching.

That was a public place, by the oracle. How could he expect to have peace in there? His surprise was bigger when Erika’s shape crossed the door and started walking at his direction.

“Hey, leaving early?” she asked with a calm voice, still he could hear that there was a storm behind it. Erika stopped walking to save a few feets between them.

“Not feeling good, that’s it” Nevra excused himself and looked back to the crystal. It’s light had the ability to calm him down and keep his mind-cold, and that was what he needed to most.

The guardian didn’t answer but still the vampire was able to hear the footsteps behind him and when he looked, she was just at his side. But Erika wasn’t looking at him, instead her eyes were focused on the crystal, her eyes glowed and she looked impressed.

Her right hand extended to the mineral and touched the cold surface but nothing happened, the silence flood the room until Erika sighed heavily.

“Even if my powers are back, I can’t save everybody. I’m...useless” the words that came out of her lips and her head looked down.

“No you’re not” Nevra’s words came out even without him thinking about it. The guardian looked at him but the vampire regretted that immediately. He wasn’t the best with soft words and all that he could think is on what would Huang Hua say.

No. He wasn’t Huang Hua. He would do it in the Nevra way.

“Look, I know that it’s hard to leave the past behind. Believe me, I spent many night eating my brain thinking why I didn’t do this or that. But... the end I learned that we can’t change the past, we need to move on and think about what we learned with the experience so we don’t commit the same mistakes again”

He was surprised that those words came from him, Nevra felt relieved when the guardian looked at him with a small smile at her lips, happiness was the only emotion that the vampire could feel and he also smiled, forgetting his old emotions.

A soft melody of a violin could be heard on the distance and Nevra looked at the door by instinct. Nobody came.

“Do you want to dance?” the guardian asked breaking the wall between them. The vampire looked back and saw her hand extended at his direction. He grabbed it and lead her to dance at the sound of the melody.

The bodies moved along with the music, Nevra’s fingers touched Erika’s hips while his other hand held hers. They were very close, too close. Nevra step back to give her a spin and then catch her. Erika seemed surprised but again she smiled.

“Looks that you hadn’t loose the style” she joked and straightened to keep moving.

“I’m not that old, you know?” Nevra replied and gave her another spin “Although I have to admit that I used to be faster...”

“I prefer it this way”

Both of the bodies kept moving in perfect synchrony, another instruments joined the violin and this motivated these dance couple. For the first time in seven years Nevra felt free, their foots were able to move across the room and nobody was there to judge, they were just the two of them, sharing a moment.

Erika turned but this time her body moved backwards so her back is against Nevra’s chest, her left arm stretched to grab the vampire’s nape and pull him closer.

“Did you really meant to say that?” Nevra asked while his left hand touched her face “That you prefer it this way?”

“I prefer when you are calmed down like now but...” she stopped for a second and closed her eyes with pain “I can’t stop thinking if this is going to end tonight”

“What do you mean?” even when he was confused his body didn’t move, so didn’t Erika’s. The music could be heard in the distance but the dance stopped.

“I know what you have been doing these years, flirting with more women and then pretending that nothing happened” Erika opened the eyes and they seemed like two amethysts, Nevra was shocked “Is this the same for you?”

Nevra remain silent, that was a question that hadn’t come through his mind. Was her really a one night thing? He remembered all of the adventures that they lived together, how she managed to smile through hard times and how she sacrificed for a world that wasn’t even hers. Giving him and everybody a chance.

Nevra’s hearthbeat increased while Erika’s face still looked at him, he knew what was that feeling. Something that he tried to ignore since she awake. 

“Of course not, you are more than just that” his voice was soft and some pink cheeks could be seen at his face. He pushed away just to grab her chin and look at those soft lips “You are more that I could even imagine”

Erika stepped closer while her eye closed, the vampire did the same and the last thing that he saw was that beautiful face before their lips touched.

His hand hugged her body and pressed her against his shape, Nevra was desperate to feel that warm feeling, sharing it with someone else. Erika’s arms moved through his chest and ended up hugging his back.

That was a moment that both of them hoped to last long, but they needed air and this end up with the kiss but still a smile could seen at their lips.

“Want to try again?” the vampire asked.

The night was only theirs, with other melodies running through the air they kept dancing and whenever they had the chance a fast kiss will appear to be followed with others.

This was definitely longer that I expected, at first I struggled about how to do it but then I heard Edda’s Requirem and gave me the inspiration to write all of this. 

I really imagine these two dancing with that song it just- *chef kisses*

If you hadn’t heard the song it this one.

[platonicavengers]

headcanons for being the youngest maximoff (part two)

pairings: maximoff twins x sibling!gn!reader && avengers x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for infinity war + endgame, death, non-descriptive violence, idk

author’s note: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT AAAAAAAA it was supposed to be up a while ago but things got in the way and im so sorry :(

tags: @madamevirgo​  @euphoniumpets​

headcanons under the cut !

so

after steve broke everyone out of the raft you were all on the run for a while

vision and natasha joined you all at some point, and scott and clint returned home to their families

after a while wanda and vision decided to stay in scotland, leaving you with sam, nat, and steve

you were not a huge fan of the idea of leaving her behind

you had already lost your parents and pietro and even though she wasn’t dead you still wouldn’t be able to see her

but you knew why she did what she did

fast forward a little bit

you find out that tony went missing

and then that wanda and vision are being attacked

so u all fly to scotland to help them

*insert u being a badass and beating the shit out of an alien*

finally reuniting w your sister

there were tears

when you arrived back at the compound it was like a breath of fresh air after so long

it’s a shame you weren’t there under better circumstances

immediately getting upset when you saw the hologram of ross

that motherfucker

anyways

going to wakanda was an.... interesting experience

you wanted to enjoy it 

but considering why you were there,,,,,,

it was kinda hard to enjoy it lol

wanda ofc stayed up in the lab with vision and shuri

she wanted you to stay up there as well so she could keep an eye on you

she was very hesitant to let you go into the front lines of the battle

even though you were an adult now you were still her little sibling and she was worried for you

you assured her that you would be fine though

fine might be pushing it but

let’s be realistic here

you kicked some alien ass down there

taking out enemy after enemy with no hesitation

pretty impressive tbh. ur fucking awesome

ily

anyways

eventually wanda came down to join the battle

the two of you fought alongside each other

badass sibling duo ugh yes

but then

you had to go against thanos himself

ugly ass mf

you tried to use your magic to remove his gauntlet

you were unsuccessful

he kinda tossed you to the side like a rag doll

which hurt like a bitch

when he snapped you had no idea what tf to do

i mean you had just lost, what were you supposed to do?

you were in the middle of crawling over to wanda, wanting to try to comfort her over the loss of vision

but then she just kinda, disintegrated?

you were in shock for a minute

but then it hit you

“no, no, no, no, no...”

you started sobbing

now you had officially lost your whole family

after a little bit you made your way over to what was left of the team

you all kinda stood in silence for a little while, just processing everything that had happened

eventually you all returned to the quinjet and flew back home

for the first two-ish weeks after the snap you just locked yourself in your room and refused to leave

though eventually you did leave your room again, though very reluctantly

after three weeks had passed by carol, who you were quite fascinated by, returned to the compound carrying a spaceship with her

turns out tony was on said ship

you were glad to see him after so long

and now we jump to going to space to beat thanos’ ass (a g a i n)

you had never been to space before so it was quite a new experience

shame it was under such poor circumstances

when you arrived at thanos’ residence you were out for blood

he took your last remaining family and you were not in the mood to let him get away with it

and then you found out the stones were gone

and everything he had done couldn’t or so you thought be reversed

you were already ready to kill thanos before, but especially now that that was revealed

sadly though, thor took the responsibility of killing the titan himself

*5 years later*

you were 23 now

a whole ass adult

you still lived at the compound with natasha, not exactly having anywhere else to go

not like you would’ve left anyways but

nat had become your sort of support system over the last few years

after all, at this point you really only had each other

all of the rest of the remaining team went their separate ways, none of which deciding to stay with the two of you

one day though steve comes by

you were glad to see him, you had missed him a lot since he left

the three of you had a not-so-positive conversation and then out of nowhere scott appears at the front gate

he tells you his insane idea of using the quantum realm to time travel back to before thanos

you were very wary

you didn’t exactly have a lot of knowledge on the quantum realm but you could still tell that it seemed risky

the four of you went to tony’s house to try to convince him

he almost immediately said no

yikes

you all tried to convince him but to no avail

so you went to bruce hulk instead

bruce?? hulk?? who tf is he tbh

but anywho

when you saw him you were kinda like ????????

but chose to ignore it

you got him to agree to the time travel thing

and it was ?somewhat? successful

somewhat is pushing it tbh

scott became a baby which wasn’t great

but then tony showed up and fixed it like the genius he is

you helped recruit all the remaining avengers to help w the whole time travel thing

you were going to go back in time and get the stones before thanos could

you went with clint and natasha to vormir

you thought it made the most sense for you to sacrifice yourself

after all you weren’t even positive this whole thing with the stones would work, and you couldn’t risk continuing to live a life without wanda and the rest of the team

they stopped you before you could jump though

when natasha dropped you swore your heart stopped beating

she had been all you had for the past 5 years and then she was just gone

you ended up getting the soul stone but at what cost

you and clint returned to the compound and there was a small ‘memorial’ (for lack of a better word) for natasha

after that tony put all of the stones together into a makeshift gauntlet

after a little bit of deliberation it was decided that bruce would be the one to snap his fingers

bruce, hulk, whatever tf

brulk

LMFAO

sorry back to the headcanons LOL

he snapped

immediately everything felt different

you went out to look out a window, seeing a few butterflies fluttering around that you knew weren’t there before

a smile immediately took over ur face

“hey guys, i think it worked!” - you

you were about to turn around and walk back to everyone else

but then

you saw a large ship in the distance

and something began flying toward the compound

and then everything went dark

when you woke up again you were buried under a bunch of rubble

which bruce picked up off of you

you ran out to where thor, tony, and steve were

you saw thanos and froze

they were engaged in a battle and you tried to keep your distance in order to collect yourself for a moment

which proved to be futile because you were dragged into the fight not long after

you kinda got your ass handed to you

it wasn’t pretty

you were lying on the ground when all of a sudden you saw orange light surrounding you

you looked up to see portals opening, all your allies who you had thought to be dead stepping out

you saw wanda and you stopped breathing for a moment

you got up as quick as you could

which proved to be difficult due to ur injuries and overall extreme fatigue

you launched yourself at her, bringing her into the tightest hug you could muster

the two of you held onto each other for a moment before you had to return to fighting

maximoff sibling teamup part 2???? yeah most definitely 

fast forward to after thanos and his bitch ass army lost (im sorry i just really dont have the energy to write all that rn)

and to after tony’s funeral 

you and wanda had a l o t of catching up to do

like

5 years worth LOL

u had to comfort her over vision’s death a lot

considering that to her, that was still only a couple days ago

and a lot of the time when you two talked the mood was kinda depressing, all things considered

but you still tried to keep it lighthearted

for example

your absolute favorite thing in the world was the fact that you were now older than her due to the snap, 3 years older to be exact

you held it over her all the time, constantly making fun of her for it

all in good fun of course

something wanda really loved was when you would tell her stories from when she was in the soul world (only happy ones ofc)

though it made her sad that you had to go so long without her, and she missed out on so much

she wanted to know what she had missed

all in all

you two were incredibly close, the snap and its aftermath only further confirming that

sibling goals tbh

a/n #2: aaaaaa im sorry to end it on that note (i didnt know how to end it im sorry asf) but yeah </3 and once again, so sorry this took me so long to post, ive been super busy with school && life in general so i just havent gotten around to it :( butttttttttttt if u guys want i could try to continue this series of headcanons for wandavision?? i’d wait until friday ofc for the final episode and id spoiler tag it and everything but i could try my best? might be kinda difficult but i think it could be fun so if anyone wants that then lmk!! :)

[you-did-well-moon]

Sf9 reaction to s/o fangirling over someone else

Type: fluff

Word Count: 4695 haha 69 yes im a child

TW: insecurities, possessiveness 

A/N: I don't think any of the boys would be extremely jealous in this situation. They might be a bit jealous and insecure. Ha, you’re going to see people who aren't in sf9 because the multi in me was taking over. Don't be afraid to talk to me and wash your hands clowns - Moon

Youngbin

Idol: Suho - Exo 

All day, Youngbin had been reading the book you had recommended. You got that the book was really good. After all, that's why you had recommended it, but you had been ignored in favor of the book. You had tried everything from pouting and acting cute to annoying him by whining and continuously poking him, but Youngbin had a ridiculous amount of patience. You eventually gave up huffing and throwing yourself in the chair In front of the computer.

You opted to watch any video you could find on YouTube suddenly remembering a song your friend had told you to listen to. Shrugging your shoulders you decided to give it a chance because why not? Searching up the song called “Let’s love” and you recognized the person knowing he was the leader of a popular group and curiosity probed at you. The video loaded and you were immediately met with Suho’s handsome face and soothing vocals. You felt your mouth slowly open as you subconsciously leaned closer to the screen mesmerized by the man inhabiting it. Your head nodding along to the soft melody of the song.

“Wah, this song is so lovely and soothing, and he has such a calming voice. How can someone be so handsome yet so pretty. His face looks so serene he must be such a good leader”.

Youngbin has been reading the damned book on the bed behind you immediately looking up when he heard your words also recognizing his senior on the screen. He pressed the off button on the computer smiling innocently when you narrowed your eyes at him but pouting right after. He pulled you up asking if you wanted to go to the ice cream shop you had asked him to go to before. As soon as you stood up he would pull you into a chaste kiss slipping his hands under your shirt to rub at the soft skin under it before playfully pinching it laughing softly when you squealed and jumped away from him. He would cross his arms playfully glaring at you shaking his head childishly when you went to kiss him again.

“You can't kiss me until you tell me i’m more handsome than him because I’m your boyfriend and I should always be the handsomest to you. No? Fine you won’t even be getting a goodnight kiss today. I hope you’re happy with yourself y/n”

Youngbin would try to distract you when he saw you fangirling over someone else. Play fighting with you by avoiding your kisses and affections and acting like a child softly teasing you. Of course, he would eventually give in to you. Youngbin is not capable of saying no to you. 

Inseong

Idol: Aron - Nu’est

You and Inseong were on the couch with him drawing on the journal you had given to him claiming his drawing skills were getting too rusty. Meanwhile you were bored out of your mind having given up on asking your boyfriend to spend some time with you a long time ago. You had even put your feet on his lap, but he shoved them off to rest the journal there, and you had leaned against him, but he gently shook you off because he couldn't draw well with you leaning on his arm like that.

You switched between channels with disinterest trying to find something entertaining. That’s when you stopped at an episode of “Problematic Men'', the show only catching your attention because Inseong had been on it before. Boredom slowly changed into interest when your attention was constantly drawn to one of the guests and idol, Aron. You found his nervous smile cute and refreshing, and you were very impressed with his academic achievements. You kept making little noises of surprise the more you got to know him, and you couldn't stop yourself from going “aaw” at Aron’s quirky yet cute personality.

 “He’s so cute, look how his shoulders lift up as if trying to hide himself when he’s embarrassed. He’s so smart too and he got accepted into a famous university, but he still chose to do music. He’s so inspirational.”

Inseong had already noticed you looking at the idol with admiration, and he had to purse his lips to stop himself from saying anything. Shoving his face back into the journal trying and failing at trying to not get distracted by your sounds of awe at the artist. As soon as you said that, Inseong dropped his journal sputtering as his eyes flickered back and forth between you and the TV. He would tackle you ripping the remote from your hands and turning the television off. He clasped your hands in his pulling you so that the upper half of your body was on his lap. He leaned his head against yours, his wide eyes masked with seriousness holding contact with your own. He tickled you softly, smiling as your laughter rang around the room, not allowing you to move since he had trapped you against his own body. 

“Has my girlfriend really been stolen by a man she has never met? How unfortunate, I, a man who loves a woman who doesn't love him enough because said woman is currently drooling over another man while her loving boyfriend sits right next to her. Ah I can feel my heart breaking”.

At first, Inseong would be shocked at you fangirling over someone else. He wouldn't even be able to form words. Inseong is laid back and rolls with the punches most of the time, so he quickly adjusted to the situation joking around with you while having some kind of physical contact with you.

Jaeyoon

Idol: Jaehyun - Nct 127

You groaned walking into the living room where Jaeyoon was already sitting on the couch assorting a variety of snacks on the coffee table in front of the couch. As you walked into the room, Jaeyoon looked up to give you his bright dimpled smile. You couldn't help but smile back at him gently running your hands through your hair when you reached him while you flopped onto the couch. You guys decided to have a date at your apartment instead of going out.

Jaeyoon laid down on the couch placing his head on your lap while pulling your hands back to his hair. You got a blanket from the back of the couch placing it mostly over him not really needing it since his body warmth was enough to stop any shivers from racking through your body. You guys didn't really plan on watching something specific, so after some convincing from Jaeyoon himself, you settled on watching the latest episode of weekly idol which featured Nct 127. Throughout the duration of the episode your attention kept getting drawn to the dimpled vocalist. Jaehyun who was undoubtedly handsome, but rather than looking at his features you found yourself laughing at his antics. It was particularly after an innocent dimply smile was sent to the camera after having finished singing wonderfully that you squealed out.

“How can someone be so hot but so cute at the same time, and oh my- his dimples. He is so talented too! He sings, he raps, and he danced so well too. He’s a total package!”

Jaeyoon would feel his eyes narrow, tongue licking his plump lips getting ready to put you in your place. He stood up blocking your view of the tv meeting your confused gaze with a devilish smile. He pushed you back laying you on your back on the couch, and he straddled you pinning your hands above your head. You looked up at him with wide alarmed eyes, breath catching when you saw him eye the soft sliver of skin exposed by your shirt riding up when your arms were lifted. Jaeyoon would lean in his nose almost touching yours. 

“I don't think so love. Your heart belongs to me, and my heart belongs to you. Don't forget that. What are you doing looking at another man when I’m right here, your boyfriend, the tickle monster”

He would then stoop to blow a raspberry against your exposed skin laughing evilly when you shrieked and running away to your room. Jaeyoon would want to shock you a bit. Although it was all with a joking intention, there would be a small part of him that would feel slightly possessive.

Dawon

Idol: Jackson - Got7

You had accompanied Sanghyuk to a music show where Sf9 were going to perform since they had recently had a comeback. You were currently in the waiting room with various staff moving around in order to prepare the boys for the stage. You were sitting on the couch next to your boyfriend with your head leaning against his shoulder scrolling through Instagram since you got bored with Sanghyuk too excited about performing to really focus on anything you were saying. 

He was still very much aware of your presence. His arms fit snugly around your shoulder playing with your hair, and his eyes flicking to study you every so often smiling softly when he saw you laughing at a random post you had found. You perked up when one of your friends sent you a post only telling you about how hard she had laughed while watching it. Your interest peaked so you clicked on the post recognizing the loud and social rapper of Got7. You watched as the idol reacted dramatically at a situation sitting on a table to get everyone's attention only for the table to break and Jackson with the broken part of the table in his hands with a shocked expression on his face as he looked at it. You couldn't help but laugh loudly immediately, grabbing Sanghyuk’s attention.

“How can someone be so funny, dramatic, and cute all at the same time. He looks like such a warm and open person. He’s so talented too, he produces his own music. “

You had whispered these words hoping no one would hear them, but Sanghyuk had heard them loud and clear. His shocked face would instantly turn into a scandalized one as he looked at you with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. He snatched your phone from your hands sitting on it and leaning away from you while you stood still shocked at how fast everything happened. You would get control of your senses tackling him while demanding for your phone and repeatedly saying his name as you sat on him. Now that he had you where he wanted you, his arms would wrap around your waist pulling you down against him making you have to rest your forearms on either side of his head so you wouldn't crush him. You were sure everyone in the room could hear how fast your heart was beating.

“I’m  the only man you should be looking at, no matter what, I can make you laugh the hardest, I can make you smile the brightest and I can damn well make you scream the loudest, babe. Let’s see how funny Jackson is when you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Sanghyuk would feel so offended. Not seriously of course, but he would be one to bring it up the next few days and remind you of the crime you had committed. He really would make you sleep on the couch, but 30 would barely pass and he was coming to carry you back to bed because he worried your back would hurt.

Zuho

idol: IM - Monsta X 

Both you and Juho were very busy, but you guys could not spend another day without each other. It had been too long since you had seen each other, so you decided to spend a day with each other in his studio. Even if you were working on your own work and not really talking to each other, it was enough just being together. You two were working on similar things since both of you were producers, but you were each working on a different project.

The company you were working with wanted you to branch out and collaborate with artists other than the ones already in the company. Specifically, they wanted you to work with a rapper since the song was in the R&B genre. You had suggested your boyfriend immediately, but they refused, so you were now begrudgingly searching for a rapper that would want to work with you. In the end, your company had to search for artists that were willing to work with you since you had no connections outside your own company. At least, they were giving you the choice to decide who you wanted to work with. The company had sent you different videos with each artist so that you could pick one. None of them really caught your attention until you came across one rapper with a velvety deep voice rapping into the mic like his life depended on it. You were hooked, you didn't even have to look at the other candidates.

“How could I even have the audacity to pick anyone else but him? He’s obviously an amazing rapper, and his voice perfectly suits my song. He has such a good stage presence and he’s a producer too?!”

You basically drooling over another idol was not something Juho expected when he took his headphones off to ask you whether you wanted to order take out now or later. Turning around in his chair he saw you staring at your laptop with your hands on your cheeks as if you couldn't believe what you were seeing. Juho felt his jaw tick as he leaned over you to shut your laptop so his form was towering over you since he was standing up while you were still sitting down. Your face was shocked and it remained shocked as Juho spun your chair around and picked you up throwing you over his shoulder. You were pretty sure if anyone touched your face they would draw their hand back because of how high your body temperature had risen. You began struggling questioning Juho on what he was doing before he made you settle with a light slap at your bum. He took you to the dorms where he threw you in the bed, and he looked at you with a pout and began whining as he dug his face into the crook of your neck nosing along on your pulse.

“If he’s such an amazing rapper why don't you go out with him. Don't look at me like that, you belong to me as much as I belong to you. First day we’re spending time together and you’re praising another man. Do I have to get an eyebrow piercing for you to look at me like that too?”

Juho is not having it. quickly talking you away from whatever has you fangirling over someone else. He would become whiny and passive aggressive with you definitely clingy for the rest of the day too. He would huff whenever you wanted to get away from him claiming that you had to pay for your crime by spending the day in his arms.

Rowoon

Idol: Mingyu - Seventeen

You were in the kitchen shoveling food into your mouth in alarming amounts as you scrolled through twitter on your phone. Rowoon was sitting in front of you also eating but having an important conversation with Youngbin. His eyes would shift over to you every few seconds softening at the way you seemed to enjoy his cooking. You had actually helped him with it even adding your own suggestion which ended up making it taste better than the result of the original recipe.

There were two reasons as to why you were eating so fast. One, the food was amazing, mostly because Rowoon had made it. Two, you and Rowoon were having your first date in weeks since you had both been busy and you couldn't stop the excitement from taking control over your body. You got distracted from thinking about the date, when your friend, a huge fan of the idol group Seventeen, sent you a post talking about how husband material one of the members was. You tapped on the link she had sent you watching as the tall man cleaned around the house and made food for the members your heart melting when you saw the bright smile on his face as he did everything. It was so domestic and sweet it make you coo at the screen.

“He really would be such a gentle and loving husband. He would be one to help you with house chores and oh my god he would be so loving and helpful with a baby. His food looks really good too”

Your earlier excitement would only fuel your admiration for the man on the screen, and it would also make you a bit louder than usual. The boys in front of you would halt in their conversation upon hearing what you said. Youngbin would grimace looking at Rowoon for his reaction, getting surprised when Rowoon slowly blinked at you. Rowoon knew exactly who had momentarily stolen his lover’s heart, but he knew one word from him and your heart would go back to where it belonged. In his hands. With a soft tone, Rowoon would call your name asking if you were ready to go on that date watching your eyes light up as you hurriedly went to wash your dishes. Rowoon smirked at Youngbin while grabbing your phone and slipping it into his pocket. The rest of the day, Rowoon upped his game practically running to open your door when getting off the car or placing his jacket on the ground for you to sit on when you wanted to sit on the grass at the park.

“You look gorgeous today just like any other day as always. Oh those cookies look good? Let's go get them. Are you cold? Take my jacket. Hold my hand so you don't get lost. It's crowded here.”

Any thought of any other man would simply slip from your mind with Rowoon around. He would ignore everything you said pretending he didn't notice and doing things that would honestly just make you forget about everyone else because his gestures were just too sweet.

Taeyang

Idol: San - Ateez

You were so concentrated on the screen in front of you not even the music blasting through the practice room speakers your boyfriend was dancing to could distract you. It was late, and you were both tired but you guys were determined. Recently, Taeyang had been trying to make his own choreographies, and he wanted you to help him which you happily agreed to since you were a backup dancer and had experience in that field. 

You guys had gotten stuck in one part of the choreography, and it was in the chorus so it was important. It would have been better to go home and sleep coming back tomorrow refreshed and reenergized, but you guys were set on getting it done today. While Taeyang danced to the choreography you had already made seeing if anything came up, you were on your stomach scrolling through YouTube on your laptop trying to see if anything inspired you. Your clothes were sticking to your skin and you could feel beads of sweat dripping down your scalp, but you persisted. It was when you found a video of Ateez on a music show that you perked up. Your eyes were drawn to one dimpled person in the front recognizing him because your sister always talked about him. Looking up more videos of him, and you felt your jaw drop as you squealed out.

“His stage presence is out of this world. He’s one of the fiercest dancers I've seen in a rookie group. His moves are sharp and fluid. Oh- he’s not even a part of the dance line yet he’s so talented”

You didn't even notice the music turn off, and you certainly didn't see Taeyang stop in his tracks and stare at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. You were so focused on the video, you didn't notice Taeyang’s eyes staring holes into you until the video ended. You looked up from your laptop in order to tell him about some new ideas you had just from watching a few videos of San dancing, and you were met with Taeyang crushing a water bottle in his hands while staring at you with an unamused look on his face. His stare was so intense you couldn't maintain eye contact as you called out his name with a questioning tone. He began walking towards you with slow calculated steps, and you stood up still not being able to hold his gaze. Taeyang tilted his head taking your chin in between his pointer finger and thumb forcing you to make eye contact.

“I’m telling you this once and only once angel, you are mine. My hands are the only hands that touch you, and my lips are the only lips that get to touch your skin. Don't forget it, love.”

Even Taeyang himself wouldn't recognize himself as he was speaking. He just knew he suddenly felt a fire at the pit of his stomach that seemingly boiled his blood. He wouldn't know how to deal with himself after, so he would give you a cheery smile asking sweetly if you had any ideas. Whiplash is real with this one.

Hwiyoung 

Idol: Felix - Stray Kids I was trying to find a mv where Felix actually has lines but I gave up jyp watch out im coming for u

You were sat in front of the Tv anxiously awaiting for the time to pass by as you turned your phone on and off to check said time. Hwiyoung was sitting on the couch behind you looking at you with a confused expression because you had refused to answer him when he asked what you were doing. Your Tv was already set on the YouTube homepage, and you bit your lip knee bouncing while you checked your phone for the millionth time.

Hwiyoung eyed the shirt you were wearing with a focused expression knowing the logo was familiar but not being able to name it. He jumped, scared at your shriek when you checked your phone because the time was finally here. Comeback time. You searched up “Stray Kids” and the music video came up making you shriek again. It suddenly dawned on Hwiyoung what was happening. You were getting excited at another group’s comeback. He saw how you looked at the screen with heart eyes, your smile big and bright occasionally stopping to let your lips part in a small “woah”. You were pretty calm until a certain someone showed up on the screen in which you shrieked again (Hwiyoung had lost count), and you clapped your hands satisfied.

“Oh wow look at his hair, it's purple and looks so good on him. I could listen to that voice every day and- are those his freckles? Oh look at him go, yes bubs, get those lines”

Hwiyoung would feel his heart sink, and he was scared. Scared because what he was feeling, he has never felt this feeling as strong as this. Insecurity. His eyes would look at you sadly watching as you beamed at the boy on the screen. He knew this was something he shouldn't be feeling insecure about, but he couldn't stop himself. He went to sulk in your bedroom flopping onto your bed and hugging your pillow. You didn’t notice him walking off. One the mv ended, you made little noises of happiness. You called your friend because she too was a huge fan of Stray Kids. She was also squealing to you about how good the MV was and how Changbin did well. You were walking around looking for your boyfriend to cuddle with and paused when you found him on your bed clutching your pillow with a frown on his face. You told your friend you had to go, and you fell onto the bed snuggling into Hwiyoung humming happily when he responded to your touch. You ran your fingers through his hair tenderly asking him what was wrong.

“It’s kinda stupid, but I got I felt bad seeing you smile at someone else the same way you smile only at me. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I guess it took me by surprise” *nervous laugh*

You wouldn't fail to reassure him, taking off the Stray Kids merch in favor of one of his sweatshirts. Hwiyoung would be the one to get insecure when you fangirled over someone else, but it really wouldn't take that much to reassure and comfort him. He would be smiling and giggling in your arms in 5 minutes tops.

Chani

Idol: Dowoon - Day6

You were laying on your bed, arms starting to sting because of having to hold your phone in a weird position since you couldn't lower them. The reason being Chanhee passed out with his head on your chest. He was originally awake, but you running your hands through his hair seemed to have lulled him to sleep. You guys were supposed to go out on a date, but you weren't mad or annoyed at all deciding he was in dire need of a proper rest.

He had been so busy lately, and he had been working endlessly. You could feel your heart sink every time you saw him because his eye bags seemed to darken every time. You raised your phone a bit to glance at your boyfriend, heart softening at the sight of his cheek mushed up against your chest, and his face looking peaceful. You smiled softly nudging his cheek gently before going back to watching random videos on your phone. You jumped a little at the sound of a notification coming through your phone hurrying to lower the volume of your phone, so you wouldn't wake up the sleeping boy. Checking out the notification you saw it was an Instagram post from Day6. You wouldn't call yourself their biggest fan, but you did your best to actively follow them. It was a video of Dowoon getting teased by Jae, the younger boy giggling and firing back.

“Aw Dowoon really is just the cutest sometimes. Quiet but cute. Funny too. I wished they would let him sing a few lines. He’s been getting better with the vocal lessons he’s getting. He’s so much more than a drummer.”

Chanhee had actually been woken up by the notification sound earlier, but he thought you would have noticed he was awake. He was getting ready to whine and pull at your hand, so you could run it through his hair because Chanhee had sworn he’s never had such a good nap like the one he just had. Apparently, you were too distracted by a video on your phone calling someone else that wasn't him cute. Hah, the nerve you had. Chanhee really didn't like the feeling he got when you called someone that wasn't him cute. It didn't matter if it was a person on the other side of the screen or your own baby. He was the only one you were allowed to call cute, or anything else. He shifted to let you know he was awake. You instantly lowered your phone eyes lighting up when you saw that he was awake which made his heart flutter, but you still weren't off the hook. He saw the surprise in your eyes when he looked at you with an offended expression. His eyes were narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. He shifted so he was fully on top of you, still being careful as to not crush you. He shook his head letting his hair tickle the sensitive skin of your neck not stopping the squirming until you put your hands on him.

“I don't like it when you look at someone else the way you only look at me because that's the look meant for me. I’m the only you can call cute. Don't be mean and call someone else cute. I don't like it.”

Chanhee would be kind of surprised. He had never felt the need to be clingy or whiny like this. The grumpy expression on his face wouldn't leave even if you couldn't see it because his face was buried in the crook between your neck and shoulder. He would become happy again when you ran his hands through hair enough time to make him sleepy again enjoying the feeling of your body against his.

[mila-dans]

Kiss and Tell: That Much

Chapter six of “Kiss and Tell”

Chapter Five:  It’s Been an Eventful Week  ---   Series Masterlist: Masterlist?

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1666

Summary: What happens when a Winchester winds up with a curse on his hands? Or more specifically, on his lips? Only chaos, comedy, and cuteness ensues.

Just So You Know: This series will have seven chapters which have already be written and posted regularly. It’s small and sweet but I really hope you enjoy it nonetheless. My apologies for, most likely, many mistakes. Let me know what you think! (Gif credit to the remarkable: @sasquatchandleatherjacket​ )

The ride back to the bunker was quiet. No music playing, no words spoken, only silent tears shed and looks of sadness dancing in the air.

Once the car was parked, you rushed out as quickly as possible and made your way to your room, passing by Dean's as you heard the Mystery Inc. theme song playing for what was sure to be the 280th time in a row.

You slammed the door to your room shut and hoped on your bed, curling up into a ball with your moose plushie as tears started to run down your face. You didn't know why you were so worked up about it all, you just were.

You've changed. Changed a lot. You have become a brand new person and sure the scars, bumps, and bruises that it took to get here is beautiful, but seeing someone who remembers the old you, it's scary. You wish that you could just change your name and move way, knowing all of your past would only be a faded memory. If only.

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Several minutes had passed by the time a knock came at the door. You didn't answer, not wanting anyone to bother you but not being able to find your voice either.

As the door opened, you moved so where you sat up against the headboard, wiping away tears, then folding your arms over your chest, closing off and shutting down the best you could.

Sam came in the room and shut the door behind him. You tried to avoid eye contact, sniffling every five seconds. You couldn't help but glance in his direction as you watched him put his hands in his pockets and lean against the back of the door.

He sighed, trying to draw attention to himself as he looked around the room casually. 

You didn't pay him any attention.

He sighed again, louder than before, obviously trying to get you to look at him.

You glanced up for a split second, hoping to go undetected, and you watched as he whistled a little tune nonchalantly.

You knew what he was doing.

Sam then casually waltzed over to your bed, taking his time with each step as if he was strolling in the park. Once he got to the edge of your bed, he fell on it, not even minding having his back sprawled out over your legs. He was taking up all the room like a starfish.

You tried to move your legs from underneath the mammoth of a man but failed miserably. All he did was sit up and move forward to you. You should've seen this coming.

Sam sat up straight and turned to face you, your back still to the headboard, doing all you could to avoid eye contact. 

"Oof," you let out in a grunt as the younger Winchester pulled you a little bit away from the headboard and then sat in your lap, facing you, moving his legs around your back, work boots and all, wrapping his limbs around you.

The 220 pound man sat right on top of you, staring right at you, grinning. He was mere inches away from your face, showing that stupid little smile of his, teeth gleaming, dimples… dimpling? 

Sam put his elbows on your shoulders, using them to prop his head up in an annoying fashion. He started to fiddle with your hair, running his fingers through out it. He wasn't even trying to be nice, he was literally playing with it to the point where the front of your face was covered in hair where he moved it, attempting to start a braid.

"Sam," you mumble under your breath. He doesn't respond and just continues his braid, squirming to get more comfortable on your, significantly smaller than his, lap.

"Sam," you say again as you hear a happy little sigh coming from him, ignoring you. "Sam!" You shout as you whack his hands away and brush the hair from your face, seeing him for the first time in a while.

He looks at you with this stupid shocked and startled expression, with big eyes and a gasp coming from his mouth that is not helping you at all when trying to stay steady.

You clench your jaw, practically holding it tight, as you look at him dead in the eyes with a death stare. You don't break that easily.

Sam opens his eyes even bigger as he blinks and gives you a reenactment of how such a stupid look on his face came to be.

You broke.

You start to giggle and Sam smiles wider and wider, following up face as you try to hide your smile. You push him off of you but he comes back like one of those punching bags cause his boots are wedged between you and the headboard leaving him stuck.

"You're such a jerk!" You shout, doing what you can to sound mean and not like your laughing at every syllable. You try to stand up so where Sam can move away from you and when you pull him up to help him stand on your bed, he hits his head on the ceiling causing a burst of laughter from you.

Sam frowns as he takes his hand to the back of his head for a hit. The two of you sit down on the bed and you look to his hair just to check.

"You're fine, honey," you state with a smile as he tries to hold his in. "You're a jerk and a stupid one at that but you're still fine," you breathe out.

Sam rolls his eyes as he smirks at you. You stare at each other for a moment, reading one another's thoughts. It doesn't take a lot of brain power to know what you're thinking or even what Sam is thinking for that matter.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sam," you state solemnly, getting an unenthusiastic reaction from Sam. He shakes his head with a frown and you become quick to defend yourself. "Sam, come on! It's just something I don't want to talk about. I'm sure you don't even want to hear about it!" You laugh to yourself a little as you press on. "We both know that you'd much rather spend your time doing something else than spend it with me. You don't even like hanging out with me and that's perfectly okay! I don't like myself all that much either," you admit.

Sam hangs his head down low and scratches the back of his head as he stands and starts to walk out of the room. You grab him by his wrist but he tries to shake it off.

"Sam, don't be all pouty!" You exclaim, stopping Sam in his tracks, causing him to turn around and grab you by your shoulders, bringing you close as he gives you a quick kiss.

You stumble a little backwards, surprised at his actions. Sam quickly licks his lips and puts a hand on his hip.

"Do you really think that?!" He questions and you become slightly frozen in response. "Do you really think I don't like spending time with you or--or don't want to hear you talk?!" He asks, sounding offended by your previous words. You shake your head yes, confused on the matter. 

Sam takes a deep breath and calms down for a moment as he runs his hand through his hair. He clears his throat and turns to look at you, dead in the eyes. 

"Do you really think that I don't like you?" He asks with a hint of hurt and regret in his voice. 

You say nothing but look at him with wide eyes.

"Guess I really screwed this up then, huh?" Sam mumbles to himself, probably hoping you wouldn't catch it but you did, causing you to place a hand on his shoulder and raise your eyebrows in question.

Sam looks down at you and you see confusion and sorrow in his eyes. The missing combo to what his eyes have been telling you all day. 

"I've gotta go, Y/n," he states as he walks out the door and shuts it behind him.

You try to shout, yell, scream, call out, snap your fingers, clap your hands, anything to ask him what all of that was about but you get no response, just a head filled with confusion of what you may have done wrong.

You take a seat on the edge of your bed for just a moment, realizing it's been a long time since you'd seen Sam so distraught. Probably not even this kind of distraught. You don't know what to do or how to react. He literally took all the words from your mouth.

But, when you can't find the words, you make a hell of a lot of noise.

You stand up from your bed and burst out of the room, running to track Sam down. You catch a glimpse of his back and hear his feet walking away as he heads to the archive room.

You bang on the door as he shut it in your face, bringing out the impatient and angry temper tantrum child out of you.

"Just, go away Y/n!" Sam shouted from behind the door and you gave him more fist to wood frame pounding in response.

"I said go away, Y/n!" He says again. And people call you the childish one. 'People' being you because you know no other people.

You kick the door with your feet, hoping to break it down but don't even try with full force just in case you might fall on your face. Instead you let out a huff and smack the door one last time before you walk away.

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"Oh hey, Y/n," Dean says with a smile as you bust open his door and stomp inside. "You wanna watch this episode wi--"

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Tag list for my lovely ladies: @sl33pybo1​ @captain-im-not-dead-yet​ @swallow-carrying-a-coconut  @human-again-and-again​

[lavendersage]

hey emily, hopefully this isn’t too presumptuous or uncomfortable feel free to ignore if so 😣 im actually a long time follower of your personal and have always related to your feelings with depression and low moods, and i went thru a really bad break up around a similar time funnily or unfunnily enough 😔 i know you say you say you still struggle; is there anything in particular that helps you along? i find it so hard to face my real life sometimes, im turning 25 in a few months and i feel like depression and that awful relationship have stolen so much from me, i feel so far behind my peers and those even younger, im too afraid to even meet people nevermind open up to someone else ever again, my friends are all in committed long term relationships, one just got a promotion, and just recently was told two of my cousins not even a year older are now engaged and planning their weddings. I know im not the only one going thru a quarter life crisis lol but god does it feel like it! gosh im not even sure what the point of this was. i love your blogs and your lovely self, this little corner of the Internet means so much to me when i feel most isolated. sorry for going on and on, i hope things are good for you rn 💜🌱

hi baby 💜  reading your ask kinda felt like i was reading one of my own journal entries or personal posts or something, because on god, i struggle with all of the same things. i’m a little older (just turned 26 in august) but i started feeling the same way you do around 24. i also went through a bad relationship during that time but more than anything, i empathize with your feelings of falling behind my peers. it wasn’t “supposed” to be this way, right? like you can’t catch a break no matter how hard you try? (i say “feels like” but it’s literally true in my case, all of my family and friends IRL can attest to the ridiculous amount of bullshit i’ve been through). i could go off on a tangent about how our generation was robbed and how our idea of what it means to be an adult (having a stable job that pays the bills, getting married, moving out on our own, etc) has been permanently warped because it has become so fucking hard to achieve even a single one of those things, and all of that is true, but i will digress.

basically, you end up watching the people around you achieve the things you’ve been working for, and you’re stuck feeling like some sort of cautionary tale because you aren’t getting results, which is a slippery slippery slope into strong feelings of inadequacy that feed into your depressive episodes.

i’m glad you reached out, because i find that it helps ground me if i know that other people my age are also dealing with similar problems and kind of cuts me out of the fog of seeing everyone i know thrive while i suffer. so you can rest assured in the knowledge that you are far from alone in this--and it’s also worth remembering that what other people present on social media is just a carefully curated version of themselves that they want the world to see.

you have to first ask yourself if you’re doing everything within your power to lift yourself out of your current situation. and i know how hard that is when you’re so low you can barely get out of bed, believe me, i know, and you have to find a way to forgive yourself for that. but if things are ever going to get better, you have to do the best you can to push yourself forward. it will not be a linear process. and that’s okay. 

if the answer is no, you’re not doing everything in your power, figure out what it is you need to be working on. figure out what it is you want and take small steps every day to put yourself in that direction. if the answer is yes, then you have to find a way to accept that what you’re doing is enough and find a way to keep your brain from falling down that black hole of despair. visit friends. get caught up in a creative project. read a good book or play a good video game. and if you have the means, find a good therapist. (i don’t have the means but if i did, that’s what i would do.) it may take all of your strength, but you will feel better if you fill out that job application, or reach out to that person, or even do a load of laundry. small things do add up and can make a huge difference in your overall mental health.

i’m sorry that i don’t have magical advice to give you beyond sharing my own experiences. i’m still working through it, just like you. so i’ll leave you with this: don’t get caught up in your own head. take everything one day at a time. step away from social media when you need to. focus on your goals as much as your mental faculties will allow. let yourself rest when you need to rest, let yourself be sad when you need to be sad, but do. not. give. up.

because the moment you stop having hope that things will get better is the moment you know they never will.

love you to the ends of the earth, and you are always welcome to talk to me 💜💜💜

[xsecretblastsx]

2x01 Summer Kind of Wonderful

SEASON TWO HERE WE GO.

I was dying to get here, this is one of my favorite episodes in the whole show. It’s also the episode were I really turned into a Chair shipper, so there’s that too, also The Hamptons!! Honestly was not to love about this episode.

I think this is the longest recap I’ve done in a while. As usaul recap under the cut.

Thoughts I had while watching:

I’ve watched this before and yet I’m still surprised our first taste of S2 is Nate going at it

After the super promising tease on Nate and Serena on the S1 turns out... she’s covering for him while he sleeps around... 😒

Chuck being Chuck, still a womanizer, still obsessed with Blair and as always ignoring Serena’s disgusted face. Also hilarious his enormous basket with cuttlery and such.

Look Joe Goldberg!!! Or is it Dan Humphrey? This bookstore setting is making it even more confusing.

Hi Jenny! And her never ending disatisfaction with her place at whatever she’s trying.

This scene between Chuck and Serena is so underrated. Her mocking face is hilarious. Pimp all you want Chuck it’s useless. Good luck in your suicide mission indeed.

What’s a Jitney? 😆How about where Blair returns to the Hamptons with a new beau. On your face Chuck Bass! On the words of GG: ain’t karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

“A hot lifeguard is like Kleenex: use once and then throw away, you couldn’t ask for a better rebound” so says Blair 🤔

“The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey” speaking words of wisdom Blair Waldorf

Of course all the wisdom goes out the window when Chuck appears. With the most extra polo ever and the shortest shorts in the history of menswear

Not that Blair wasn’t transparent with all her talk about James but oh my god Serena’s is so bad a going along with it.

“You’re lying. Your eyes are doing that thing were they don’t match your mouth” Chuck Bass: a walking manual on Blairisms

“I bet you’ll like him as much as I do” “If by that you mean I won’t like him at all then you’re right” meanwhile Serena is trying to pretend she’s anywhere else and not there silent witness to that verball pin pong

I always wonder how Jenny and Dan end up being like that with a Dad like Rufus

So this is “Jenny admitting she was a bitch and that Eric didn’t deserve it” first season.

“A honk instead of a knock? Did someone order a townie?" Blair’sn lines this episode are hilarious

I feel bad thinking that Nate’s main contribution so far is looking really good without a shirt.

Chuck Bass: a walking encyclopedia on everything Blair Waldorf.

If only the show had given us more Chuck and Cece interactions.

I feel I should have kept a score for all the Chuck and Blair jibes to each. That pin play on Blair’s part was check mate though. Auch. I almost feel bad for Chuck. Almost

In terms of cinematography that scene were they talk about the pin is gorgeous probably my fave in the show only behind that scene in Paris in S4. The matching outfits, the colors and the scenery are sooo good. Also the acting.

Knowing her like he does it’s interesting Chuck doesn’t realize Blair only gave that pin to James to hurt him. But the fact that it works is very telling on Chuck’s insecurities and feelings.

Nate being kicked out so the husband won’t catch him wouldn’t be half as hilarious if it wasn’t for Serena’s “no effing way face”

“Damn that Motherchucker” a novel by Blair Waldorf

I love Blair’s summer dress by the way

“All I could see was that Chuck Basstard” the sequel novel, also by Blair Waldorf

What a difference a summer makes: Nate and Chuck talking about Blair. I do feel Nate’s like “thank god it ain’t me anymore”

“And unlike you I don’t lose something if I let it out of my sight” Blair strikes again, this girl is on fire.

This episode is kind of proving that I barely care for any other storyline that doesn’t have the original four. After those two side by side arguments, getting back to Dan is really annoying

I kind of love it when Rufus points out to Dan how he never stops talking and doesn’t let anyone else said anything. Is kind of boring already how he only seems to write about Serena and the UES.

Chuck’s cricket outfit reminds me of how I should enjoy the crazy outfits while they last.

Ofc Chuck’s has a PI on speed dial Eric, duh. Gotta love him though: “i know that face, that face is not your friend” sorry Nate

I’m still trying to come up with the reason why the show let the fake dating storyline between Nate and Serena be such a waste. Whyyyy????

Just in case I forget: this white party was sponsored by Vitamin Water. For real there’s product placement and then there’s this.

The constrast between Serena looking like a greek goddess next to Nate’s I didn’t bother of an outfit is making me dizzy.

Chuck’s outfit for the white party kind of deserves a post of his own. Then again is probably my fave outfit of his on the whole show.

James calling out Blair for using him, while mentioning charade feels kind of overplayed now. Anyway he’s already pointing out how Blair and Chuck are the same and that’s why they deserve each other.

“Don’t you see? We’re the same? Stop trying to fight it” “I will fight it to my last dying breath because any resemblance to you is something I would hate about myself” this whole dialogue feels like a premonition.

Serena and Nate kissing and being totally into it while paparazzi plays is the background is just one of those moments. This is the kind of content I’m here for. Only to be ruined by Dan Humphrey.

And here we are again Dan getting mad when he doesn’t have a right to, thankfully karma is a thing in the form of drinks poured all over him

And somehow is Serena the one busy cleaning that suit, useless Dan is useless

Chuck’s “I’m so screwed” face when his PI tells him Blair’s guy is actually a british Lord is priceless.

THREE WORDS EIGHT LETTERS SAY IT AND IM YOURS.

Epic scene aside they both look so good here. This episode is gift in matching outfits.

Dan, Serena and fireworks. 😪 here we go again

I loved this episod the first time I watched it and I think I love it even more so now. It’s really good, full of funny lines, great outfits and epic moments. Season two is as of now my fave season (i think this is also true for many people) and it starts with a bang. Quite literally actually with the opening scene being Nate going at it with an “older” woman, which I guess was meant to be shocking in part because we ended last season wondering if something was going to happen between Nate and Serena.

Sadly it didn’t and that’s my biggest complain for this episode because how on earth did they thought it was ok to waste all that set up, and to add insult to the injury they are like so Serena and Nate are secretly dating... but it is just like a throway line because except for that amazing kiss at the white party we never see them fakee dating and I honestly want to pull my hair out of frustration. Just imagine the possibilities that weren’t, granted fake dating is one of my favorite tropes but it could have been quite the storyline imagine: Serenate fake dates and that sparks the feelings that were pushed aside on S1 but that were always there, and now there’s nothing that can stop them to act on it, except Serena has feelings for Dan too, and she struggles because of it all the first half of S1 until eventually she picks Dan and breaks Nate’s heart, combined with all the other pressures in his life, he wants something easy and this happens to coincide with Blair’s downright spiral and that’s how Nair happens again in the second half of S2.

My point being you could add so many more moments in the Serenate saga, also give more force to the idea the show always tried to do: that Serena can’t really let go of Dan, because Nate and her are quite something and yet... and still have almost the same story on the second half which was important because it gave closure to Nair and also had both Chuck and Blair realizing a couple of things. Alas one can only dream and be happy that at least we got that kiss at the white party

So back to the episode, we learn that Nate is having and affair with a married woman, Serena misses Dan a lot and basically mourned him the whole summer meanwhile he was being an asshole in the City fooling girls he met at his intership and Jenny is working and trying to stand out in her own internship at Waldorf desings. Which reminds me Eric is such a gem of a character, he’s always have good one liners but whe’s also a nice counter balance to all the manipulation and bitchery going around him. Anyway all of these storylines are barely a tease of what’s coming, and they really take off in the next episode, so I’ll get into them then, so at the end of the episode Nate manages to keep the affair goin into the city, Jenny earns a bit of respect from her boss and Serena and Dan see each other again (thanks to Cece which is another character I wish we had see a bit more) they meet at the beach ready to see if there’s something to salvage between them. We’ll see.

The real star of this episode are Chuck and Blair. This episode belongs to them. I’ve seen comments that claim this is the season that made them epic and really take off and I quite agree, and this episode in particular sets up the stage for it, touching on a lot of the aspects that are going to be their arc for this season and even beyond. So at the end of S1 Chuck stands up Blair and she goes alone to Tuscany and he doesn’t goes after her the whole summer. Instead he spends the summer in The Hamptons being Chuck Bass, she ends up in France. We soon learn that while Chuck  enjoyed himself during the summer Blair wasn’t far off in his mind:, the minute she’s back he goes aftet her, roses in hand only to find out she came back with a new guy, and she does everything in her power to rub that fact in his face which Chuck should have expected, it obviously bothers him but truth is they both know this is just Blair trying to get back at him for abandoning her, he hurt her, she obviously doesn’t tell him but he ruined his summer and she couldn’t stop thinking about the motherchucker

Shenanigans ensue but there are bits that really stand out: first of them the heart pinn. That's a telling bit about Chuck’s feelings, when that pin make its first appearance on S1 it was the beginning of the end for Chuck, the meaning of it was what got her to accept going to Cotillion with Nate  and now she has gave it to James and Chuck buys it because I guess part of him couldn’t believe she would go as far as to use that to hurt him, that’s a low blow and she also didn’t gave it to him that week they were going out after the wedding, even though it went really well but most importantly he believes she can’t really feel that way about him because he’s just not the kind of guy someone can feel something for, but specially someone  like Blair Waldorf, who dreams of finding her prince charming and such, and to his utter horror it’s revealed that Blair’s new guy is actually a british lord. Just his luck.

He’s anything but that, therefore not for Blair. He tells her as a much later in the episode when he let’s her know that he basically stood her up because he was afraid of her getting to really know him and see he was not good enough nor someone she could be with. And this is something that’s going to be quite the struggle for him for a long time, more than once during the show he’s going to remove himself from the picture because he believes she deserves someone better who can actually make her happy, and this season this happens quite a few times.

Thing is nothing is ever that simple, and this is the other bit that really stands out for me: when James calls her out on how she just use him to make Chuck jealous she justifies herself by pointing out Chuck’s an awful person, who lies and deceives so he kinds of deserve it, and James points out the fact that well she’s sort of the same, and they deserve each other. She lashes out at Chuck because of this and blames him for her argument with James, it’s his fault she played with James, and Chuck’s point out that no one force her to do anything she did it because they’re the same, meaning they scheme and manipulate to get what they want, so she should just stop fighting this thing between them, she rejects him claiming she would hate any resamblance to him. This whole argument is honestly quite interesting, because variations of it are going to keep popping up the rest of the show, and depending on who you ship you either take literally as if  Chuck is the root of Blair worst tendencies or rather see this argument as representation of Blair struggles not with Chuck, but with herself.

Blair struggles in accepting herself, at her core she’s an insecure person, and the fact that she has a dark side that she can’t exactly change because it’s so deep roothed in her bothers her even before she and Chuck were anything, to me it bothers her not because she really wishes she was nice & good person, but rather because Serena is  nice person, who’s regarded as literal ray of sunshine at times, and Serena got two things she wanted for the longest time: positive atention from Eleanor and Nate’s interest.So that fight within herself was always there, it didn’t appear the day she started dating Chuck, is just that in the same way they brought out the best in each other, when things go bad between them the opposite sometimes happened, and even then when they blame each other for something half the time it was to share some of the hurt and to avoid dealing with their own shortcomings and mistakes. Truthfully Chuck and Blair did something for each other no one had really done for them they accept each other fully, Blair’s able to accept and love his darkness, and for Chuck there’s no darkness in Blair she’s the way she is and that’s what makes her wonderful. It was easier for them to love each other than to love themselves. 

Finally the biggest stand out of the episode is that iconic scene, the one that really puts into place the dynamic they will have for the rest of the season: Three words, eight letters are brought to the table, and they won’t move forward until the words have been said. It makes sense, because they tried this twice before, the first one came out of nowhere and it ended with Chuck getting dumped in favor of Nate, and that burned him badly, the second one Blair was the one who got hurt, and both times this pretty much happened because they aren’t able of telling each other how they feel, particularly Chuck. The first time he didn’t let her know he actually cared and wanted to be with her, the second one he didn’t tell her he was afraid, and all of this was too much too soon. So Blair wants, needs some kind of reassurance, and it makes me wonder how that week after the wedding really went, what happened? how wonderful it must have been that even though he abandoned her a that helipad she still had hope in the fact that he may love her. He doesn’t say it, and yet I still love this moment so much for  because jus by asking him to say it is in some way an admittance on her own feellings, and he fails to saythe words  but he did try, and the fact that he did try is also a form of admittance and as such  from here on no matter what happens, how much they fight and toy with each other there’s always an undercurrent of love behind their actions,and this is (borrowing a phrase from a certain popstar) the most amazing unspoken dialogue ever. 

Random bits I’ve noticed

Chuck has a bouquet of yellow roses for his intent on getting Blair back. If my memory serves right, those were his mom favorites

I’m such a sucker for the little backdrop details like the Van der Bass house having all these background pictures of the wedding

Thanks to Chuck for giving us the rank on Blair’s favorite films: Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Roman Holiday & Funny Face (even if he said Charades to prove a point)

I’ve read somewhere I think it was on twitter that Blair’s crying in the garden scene was unscripted, Leighton did because she got really caught up in the scene particularly by Ed’s acting. I’ve looked it up but so far I haven’t found anything on this.

There’s a bunch of miniature cyclists under the mirror where Cece’s doing the final touches to her hair, looks sort of weird.

that vitamin water is even on the invitation, agust 30, 2008.

[unordinary-analysis]

EPISODE 164

Honorable mentions:

Idea: Arlo becomes a fake joker. Idk if he does it either to take down john or just try to use the authority to fix the school, but im entertained by the idea lmao

I miss Cecile but that’s just a given. I miss her even when she’s in the actual episode lol

Technically Arlo’s not the king anymore but everyone’s still terrified of him and I live for that

Arlo and Rei’s ‘I always have a reason’ parallels are great but that just be my love for parallels talking im not sure yet

Not gonna talk about Blyke again until we see him next because apparently you guys very much disagreed with what i said about what he was going to do in my last episode thing so- I want more information to do off of, but honestly, im still kind of sticking to what I originally thought. Blyke getting enhancement drugs, it makes sense you guys are just mean isudhgfusjhgf

Back on that ‘anyways is my favorite word’ agenda

Colors are nice

The last section isn’t very professional but thats just because i was freaking out about the last scene and it very much shows im just so excited guys

This episode, episode 164, marks the 50th episode since I started writing these, so that’s fun.

Also: this is over a week late, I know, but until i post this, know that i haven’t read any episodes after this episode (ep 164). A lot of times when I am late with these I either forget (it’s constant and often and becoming an issue) or im doing something else that’s creative related that i feel the same obligation to do as the obligation to do this (? Making sense? Not sure), and school.so that’s why this is late oops

Ignore that its not important im just sorry this is late

Anyway, here’s the analysis/commentary/review (? Still confused about this) for episode 164

Also half of this is not proofread because theres a chance if i do that ill get even more writers block even though that technically shouldn’t happen but it does and i just want this out so sorry if some sentences completely cut off or i just don’t talk about something because oops is it worth it at this point

Fake Jokers:

Starting with this because, hey, chronological order. In the beginning of this episode Arlo is approaching a group of students gathered around a piece of paper stuck onto the bulletin board saying that there are fake jokers running around. One of the bystanders is seen saying, “I wouldn’t mind being Joker for a day.” This isn’t very concerning by itself because we already know that people are already doing this, but I just want to point out that the reporter who tried to publish the story about the fake Jokers argued that they should because the students needed to be warned against the fake jokers. What the bystander in this episode tells us is that this reporter was wrong and Isen was in fact right (we been knew but).

Something bigger that I want to bring up is that now because lots of students have been exposed to the idea of faking being Joker, more and more are obviously going to be doing it, which I kind of already just said, but the consequences of such a thing are what intrigue me. If the school is suddenly filled with fake jokers and students are already aware that the majority of the jokers are fake, the Joker mantle is going to lose its significance. No student would take any joker seriously, even if it happened to be the real one.

The thing about that is that the real Joker, John, won’t be able to use his authority as well anymore. If nobody recognizes Joker as the king anymore (what with so many low-tiers also wearing the mask), they’re not going to listen to him. It basically means that John wouldn’t be king anymore. And, though I’m still confused on if John even really wants to be king, if he wanted to be, if he wanted that authority, he would have to find a better way to present himself. It means that John would either have to figure out a way to separate himself from the other jokers (I don’t really know) or reveal his identity to the whole school. This would be something huge, especially because, to John’s knowledge, Sera doesn’t even know who he is yet. But who knows, by the time the decision rolls around or things escalate enough, he might have figured out what she knows.

Another interesting idea is that John would take advantage of this situation to let himself be lost among the fake jokers and disappear, leaving the school without a king anymore and also in chaos, because honestly who. Knows. What the fuck. He wants. Not me.

I do think, however, that John will stay as king. Because every once in a while he’ll make some comment suggesting that, and in one of the recent episodes, he got pissed that someone was impersonating him and if wants to blend in again and not be recognized for his power, I doubt he would act like that.

Isen/Arlo confrontation:

So, in this episode we get Isen yelling at Arlo, which you love to see, and I’m here to talk about it yay.

Isen, at the beginning of the scene, is very nervous and scared of what Arlo would do when he comes, which is very understandable. That dude is scary but anyways, once Arlo does show up and starts yelling, which was exactly what Isen was afraid of, instead of letting himself retreat into his fear, Isen argues back at Arlo, which to be fair probably wasn’t an active decision, supported by how he acts after he yells at Arlo. Isen just blurts out what’s in his head and it’s pretty eye-opening. Isen yells that he never wanted to be given any of the responsibilities given to him by Arlo. He specifically talks about his role as head of the newspaper, but he says later in a much more general way that Arlo forces people into responsibilities that they either don’t want or aren’t ready for. This makes me think back to the beginning of the comic when Arlo made Isen dig up information on John. Isen acted pretty scared and squirrelly once he found out something he knew Arlo wouldn’t want to hear, and that behavior is very much repeated in this episode. Anyway, back to what’s happening currently. Isen defends himself against Arlo saying that Arlo’s accusations weren’t even fair because Isen tried to do the best he could to stop the news of the fake jokers from getting out. Also, it really doesn’t make sense to be blaming Isen for someone else leaking the information (without him knowing) and posting it on a public board (not even affiliated with the school newspaper). What happened is not a result of Isen’s bad leadership, or at least that what Isen tries to argue. Arlo has some other ideas on that subject though. Arlo thinks that if Isen were a better leader, the other students would just listen to him and not go behind his back to publish the information, which I have some thoughts on.

First of all, the fact that Arlo thinks this is the bare minimum for leadership speaks a lot about him. Arlo was the last king of Wellston, which means he was a leader, and he doesn’t think he was a bad one. I think Arlo thought he was a really great leader, because he was to be honest. He fixed the mess that Rei made and kept the students under control. Anyway, Arlo thinking that people follow good leaders with this blind loyalty and trust means that that was the case under his leadership. I just want to say that this probably means that Arlo thinks John is a shit leader, but we been knew. But who knows, John might have that kind of leadership and it would be for the same reason that I think Arlo did: power. Arlo is obviously one of the most powerful people at Wellston. Even more so than his title of king, and probably even his leadership skills, there is no doubt that the reason so many people followed him was this, especially considering the type of society UnOrdinary was. John, as Joker, has lots of authority and power among the Wellston students, which we talked about in the first section, and no one can doubt that it’s because of one thing: his power. People follow powerful people, it’s the way of the world, it’s how hierarchy works. But what I want to point out in relation to this episode is that Arlo seems to pushing this expectation of “leadership” onto Isen. Arlo is undoubtedly a fantastic leader, but as I keep. Repeating. His power plays a huge part in the respect given to him. Isen, though definitely more powerful than some, doesn’t exactly have that power. Not to the extent that Arlo or John has at least. And because of this, obviously, doing what Arlo and John are doing won’t work in the same way for Isen because it’s not enough. He doesn’t have that power backing him up, which is why Arlo’s expectations are unreasonable for him, which is why Isen keeps saying that he can’t do it and it understanding this is why Arlo keeps saying that Isen can. The line, “we’re not all as capable as you are!” From Isen really emphasizes this, though it probably was misunderstood by Arlo as, ‘we’re not as good leaders are you are,’ which might also be true, but that’s not what Isen’s trying to communicate.

Now that I’ve talked about that, there’s something else in this scene that catches attention. After Isen’s outburst at him, Arlo thinks about what he said and firstly, agrees with Isen that he really does set high expectations for people, but secondly, he says that, “it’s never without a reason…” Now, this stood out over Isen’s argument when I first read the episode because of how blunt the statement is. It surprised me in a kind of way. Arlo telling himself that he always has a reason for setting high expectations of people. I was especially intrigued by the pairing of that statement with Arlo’s mental image of John. If Arlo truly feels that he had a reason for believing in John, what was it? I know that he wanted John to accept his responsibilities as a high-tier, but that’s not what Arlo is saying in this episode. He’s saying there’s a reason that he gives people responsibility. Does Arlo have some specific reason for wanting John to have authority? Does it go past that drive inside of Arlo that tells him that people need to be put into their places just because. I wouldn’t really be thinking much about this at all (especially considering that it it very in character for Arlo to make John resume his place purely to secure them hierarchy) if it wasn’t for the fact that only John’s face showed up in between the lines, “I do set high expectations for others,” and, “But it’s never without a reason…” the placement automatically makes me assume that it was chosen for a reason. But who knows, that might just have been a way to remind the reader that Arlo is constantly being reminded of what happened between him and John and how it affected everything.

Anyway, these lines also have me thinking about Arlo’s recent turmoil with himself about John and the part Arlo played in the whole Joker situation. We know that Arlo has been blaming himself for this for a while now because without his interference, John would never have decided to dethrone him and all of the other royals, or at least not to the extent that he did. But in this episode, seeing Arlo talk about how everything he does has a reason and especially those later panels after Arlo leaves the room showing him when he was younger, it’s starting to make me think that Arlo is changing his way of thinking.

“But it’s never without a reason” He swings wildly from agreeing with his past decisions and disagreeing with them, but maybe because this is the most recent, he’s finally realized that he hasn’t been the one in the wrong this whole time. I’m not exactly sure and I don’t want to assume based completely off of one scene, but I really am hoping for some development in this way for Arlo because a. I love him and b. More hatred centered around John, which would mean more drama and I love that. Not much more to say about this

The Talk (wink wink):

I hate what i called this section because i thought of it at like 4am but i dont know what else to call it so- anyways the biggest thing that happened this episode has to be when Arlo and Seraphina met up to talk because if you read my posts, you know that I’ve been begging for this for a while and can I say, im hyped.

First, I want to start with something small, but something that is bothering me. Seraphina seems so pissed at Arlo doing this whole scene, and for what? Honestly, I hope im not biased or anything because I absolutely love Arlo, but he really hasn’t done much wrong in this whole joker situation. The only rational reason I can think of for Sera being pissed at him is because of the whole Arlo fighting john in that clearing like a long fucking time ago. Which, you know, I understand, but at the same time, recently, Arlo has obviously been trying to only help you and tell you the truth, you were the one who was being difficult. I honestly think that she’s just in this state of pissed off because of John, but i don’t know. I hope I’m not forgetting any shit because if im being honest, i don’t pay as much attention to her storyline as I should, especially recently, because i do not care that much for her character, at least not as much as the others. So yeah. R.I.P. that. I don’t know. This isn’t important i think im just very Arlo biased sorry bout that.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL THEIR CONVERSATION STARTING WITH ARLO REMINISCING WITH SERAPHINA ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE THE KING AND QUEEN OF WELLSTON IS ACTUALLY BASICALLY EXACTRLY HOW IVE WRITTEN WHAT I WANT THEIR FRIENDSHIP TO BECOME AFTER THIS AND I WISH THEY TALKED MORE ABOUT THAT ASPECT BECAYSE i would actually die for Arlo and sera to realize that the only thing that kept them apart was not realizing how much they had in fucking common and in reality they were the two people who understood each other the most and i know i sound very confusing because i just talked about how i love Arlo and how i dont love sera all that much but that is beside. The. Point.

Anyway, Arlo talks about how successful their leadership was (back to that common motif of leadership that Arlo just seems to carry around) and how now that that’s changed, the school’s whole vibe has been horribly threw off and shit is happening and he has no clue how to fix it ( I am so sorry for my god awful gen z vocabulary I realize these posts become just completely cheapened because of that but i dont know how else to communicate sorry bout that). Anyway, this struck me as a weird way to start this conversation because Arlo hadn’t reached out to sera before this to talk about john (after she found out about him at least) and it seems to me that he would want to talk to her about that, but the disarming way that Arlo starts talking took me off guard. I’m not really sure about why yet or what I want to say about that,but that confused me.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because sera brings up john herself and directs that conversation where we knew it would go, but at the same time she starts talking about feelings too and this is just so weird because Arlo and sera both are characters who we’re not used to really seeing talk about their feelings and stuff. I think that this has changed though recently for both of them because of the stuff they’ve been through and im here for it, but anyways, i should really talk about the actual contents of their conversation hold up.

But the thing fucking is.

I have to wait for the next episode to fucking get the actual content of their conversation ikfuhefhbejkfhieuhfgieughfnierugniejnrgkjergnkejgnieknjgvkdlnv. *upset noises*

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester moments episode 65

Can you believe I was already resigned to this being a small post with just cute little highlights for this week and then that last hour happened?!

I’m guilty of doubting Travis and Laura would feed me so well two weeks in a row. 

Honestly, it’s been mostly Travis who’s been pushing for it the most lately and I for one LOVE this switch in the dynamic.

Okay, so let’s dive in (heh, get it?):

[As soon as danger shows up]

Jester: I cast bless.

Matt: On who?

Jester (immediately): On Fjord... Caduceus, and Yasha.

The last two she has to think about but Fjord? Fjord is a no-brainer. They are always each other’s first priority, after all.

FJORD AND JESTER BEING A POWER COUPLE AND NEARLY TAKING OUT A MONSTER ALL ON THEIR OWN BEFORE THE FIGHT EVEN STARS

Jester: *down and being attacked by a monster*

Fjord: *casts Charm Monster on the monster attacking her and the one attacking Beau*

Matt: Okay, so the first one’s save fails.

Travis immediately: Which one? The one attacking Jester?

LIKE, I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU TRYING TO BE SNEAKY AND MAKING SURE THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS THE EFFECTIVE ONE GOES TO HER BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FJORD’S MAIN PRIORITY IS. I SEE YOU.

[After the fight]

BOTH OF THEM CHEERING BEAU UP TOGETHER

Fjord: *asks for a short rest*

Beau and Caleb: reluctantly agree

Jester: But we only got a certain amount of-

Fjord:

Jester: Okay, yeah.

Fjord:

SHE’S SO WEEK FOR HIM GUYSSS AND HE  KNOWSSS IT

THIS IS LIKE THAT “NO YOU WON’T, YOU LOVE ME”

HE’S SO FREAKING SMUG ABOUT IT AND I LOVE IT

NO PLAYING DUMB ANYMORE FOR HIM NO SIR

[As they ride]

Yarnball: strays away from the group

Fjord: What is your fucking animal doing?!

Jester: On that! On that! On that!

Jester: *casts command to send Yarnball back to the group*

Fjord: Oh! Slick!

I LOVE THIS TREND OF JESTER DOING SOMETHING BADASS AND FJORD BEING OBVIOUSLY TURNED ON BY IT

Matt: The rain now in heavy sheets, sipping into every piece of armor and clothing you have.

Travis: who knows Fjord is riding with Jester, holding tightly to her in their fast pace

POWER COUPLE AGAIN TO GET RID OF THE SECOND WAVE OF BIRDS ATTACKING THEM

LOOK AT THOSE TWO POWERFUL BABES THEY ARE UNSTOPPABLE

[While bedding down next to the so-far ominous Melora giant tree]

Nott: Should I go scout while we are waiting?

Jester: No!

Nott: It’s a hundred feet! I can just turn invisible and go-

Fjord: She said no! Jeez.

WE LOVE ONE SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND WHO WON’T HAVE HIS GIRL DISRESPECTED OR IGNORED BECAUSE HER VOICE AND INPUT MEAN THE WORLD TO HIM AND HE ALWAYS LISTENS TO THEM AND WHY CAN’T YOU ALL SEE HOW GREAT SHE IS, LISTEN TO HER DAMMIT. 

idk why that little detail was so heavy for me but I loved it. Nott can be rather pushy and accidentally barrel over anyone’s opinion that isn’t Caleb’s, and Jester is generally nice about it and let’s it go (except that time that the teasing got to her) so Fjord standing up for her firmly made my heart soar a little ngl

[THE TREE BIT]

Fjord: *ready to climb a 300 ft tall tree*

Jester: *obviously worried*

Jester: Climbing is good for strong people, right? Strong people climb well?

Fjord: Or people who, if they fall, have a good safety net.

THIS BIT WAS ALREADY NICE BUT GIVEN WHAT COMES NEXT IT’S SUCH NICE FORESHADOWING?

Like, listen, okay? Fjord is clearly talking about himself falling and saving himself, he probably had the thunderstep in mind already.

But Jester? Jester hears this and immediately sees herself as the safety net. So she stays down, ready to catch whoever might fall.

Later, though, Caduceus suggests she go up and she seems a little put off by it, because she clearly wants to but also wants to be there to protect her friends. Eventually, though, she follows up.

FJORD’S IMPRESSED FACE WHEN JESTER CATCHES UP TO HIM

MATT DESCRIBING THEIR CLIMB “GOING NECK TO NECK, EVEN GETTING A LITTLE COMPETITIVE” IS SUCH A WONDERFUL VISUAL

THIS TWO BEST FRIENDS, ON TOP OF THE WORLD, GOOFING AROUND WITH EACH OTHER, CLIMBING TOGETHER

And then

Of course

that natural one

and Fjord just leaps after her

Travis: I push off and dive down after her!

Matt:

Laura:

Everyone:

LISTEN THOUGH THE IMAGE OF BOTH OF THEM FALLING DOWN AND REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER MID-AIR IS OOF

IT’S SO ROMANTIC AND TRAGIC AND DRAMATIC

THIS MAN, THIS SAILOR WHO LESS THAN A YEAR AGO LIVED A FAIRLY ORDINARY LIFE, PLUMMETING DOWN AFTER THE GIRL SHE MET SO LONG AGO WHO HAS BECOME HIS SOURCE OF SUNLIGHT IN LIFE, WITHOUT AN INCH OF FEAR OR HESITATION, LASER FOCUSED ON REACHING HER IN TIME

And then that Feather Fall comes into play and slows them down just enough for them to hold on to each other, floating slowly in the air, breathing heavily.

And I legit thought that was it, that they would slowly float down and recover from the scare.

But nope. No. Fjord goes for his initial plan and thundersteps them back up.

And I kinda love that? Because, no, they are not giving up. They are going together and reaching their goal and they are doing it together because they always go with each other.

Jester: Fjord!

SHE LOOKS SO WORRIED. SO CONCERNED. BECAUSE HE JUST JUMPED AFTER HER AND HE COULD’VE DIED AND WHY DID HE DO THAT? WHAT WAS HE THINKING???

BUT FJORD JUST BRUSHES IT OFF

Fjord: Hang on, will ya?

AS IF HE HADN’T JUST DIVED 100 ft DOWN JUST TO SAVE HER

CASUAL

WHATEVER

JUST NORMAL FRIEND STUFF

Jester: You-

JESTER JUST KINDA STUMBLES OVER HER BREATH AND LIKE I DON’T BLAME HER OK?

I actually love that Jester was getting used to the idea that romance and love are not like in her novels, and maybe it’s fine and she will never find that dramatic over the top romance she dreamed off her whole life 

—AND FJORD SWEEPS IN WITH EXACTLY THE BRAND OF ROMANTIC DUMBASS GESTURES THAT A GRAND HERO WOULD PULL

And Jester is tired and scared and feels like she can’t go on

Jester:

Jester: I’m just gonna stay here, Fjord! You keep going. It’s okay!

BUT FJORD IS NOT ABOUT TO LEAVE JESTER BEHIND

Fjord: You know, if you get up to me, I can help us get a little boost!

Jester: I can’t move! It’s okay, you just keep going!!

POOR BBY. BUT FJORD IS STILL NOT ABOUT TO LEAVE HER, SO THE NEXT TIME THEY ROLL HE WAITS FOR HER TO CATCH UP.

Fjord: You want a boost?

Jester: 

Fjord: Okay, grab my hand.

Jester: 

THUNDERSTEP

SO MUCH HAND HOLDING GUYS

AS SOON AS FJORD BROKE THE TOUCH BARRIER WITH THE KISS LAST EPISODE HE’S JUST GOING ALL IN FOR IT AND WE ARE GETTING SO MUCH AND IT’S JUST SO LOVELY

ALSO ALSO ISN’T IT SUCH A LOVELY PARALLEL THAT AT THE BEGINNING THEY WERE BEING PLAYFULLY COMPETITIVE BUT AS SOON AS JESTER IS HAVING TROUBLE FJORD’S FOCUS SWITCHES ENTIRELY AND HE SPENDS THE REST OF THE TIME ENCOURAGING HER AND HELPING HER?????

Thanks Matt for the last bit of description too! Fjord with his 11 STR throwing Jester up to safety is such a good detail!

That NAT 20 was True Love and you can’t convince me otherwise.

I ALSO LOVE HOW THE TABLES TURN LATER WHEN FJORD FREEZES WHEN STEALTHTING AROUND THE ROC

Fjord: you go ahead without me!

Jester: No, Fjord, you’re coming!

Fjord: I’ll just stay here

Jester: C’mon, Fjord, let’s go!

Fjord: Alright.

THEY REFUSE TO LEAVE EACH OTHER BEHIND YOU GUYS IM SO EMOTIONAL

ALSO

GUYS

MATT DESCRIBING THE WARM SENSATION FJORD GOT FROM SAVING JESTER VS HIS USUAL UK’OTOA SPELLS?

THE FACT THAT HE USED HIS VERY FIRST SPELLS POWERED BY A LOVING DEITY RATHER THAN UK’OTOA TO SAVE HER

IS JUST SO

POETIC CINEMA

I’M CRYING

Jester: *tries to pain Beau and Fjord*

THIS TWO DISASTERS IMMEDIATELY: 

Jester: No, it’s candid, you guys! Pretend you don’t know I’m drawing you.

Fjord:

Jester: Yeah, that’s better. That’s good.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EPISODE WAS WONDEREFUL. MY HEART FEELS SO FULL WITH LOVE. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE FANART AND THE EVENTUAL TALK THESE TWO DESPERATELY NEED TO HAVE ALREADY. 

I’m looking forward to so much next week! Fjord is out of spell slots (after saving and helping Jester) so I expect she’ll prioritize keeping him safe during the fight. So much angst potential! ALSO really looking forward to Jester thanking him for saving her, fingers cross for a cheek kiss to mirror his earlier one. Also, please Traveler, they need to TALK about all these things that they keep doing for each other.

[heero-yuy]

About Keith probably starting things w Lance at the Garrsion, I don't really think Keith likely just not noticing/ ignoring him is a legitimate reason for any of Lance's antagonism. I get that for Lance he might have taken being ignored by someone he respected/ looked up to personally, but that's actually fairly immature for him to have held onto that feeling for so long. For Lance he thinks he's known Keith since before Voltron, while for Keith Lance was a stranger -two different situations.

gnotblue replied to your post “I know Lance can put his bias towards Keith aside when their's an...”

disagree. maybe as leader it's Keith's responsibility to encourage Lance, but as peer? whatever happened in the garrison, Keith doesn't remember- & Lance just doesn't stop picking him as target for his personal attacks. Keith reacts and sometimes starts it, but he also tried to get out of their pattern more than once. s. the bonding moment.

I already said this before, but I think if Keith didn’t remember Lance, Lance would be lying on the floor together with the doctors in seconds, for trying to interrupt Keith back there and get his hands on Shiro.

Like, Keith is not the most trusting person, you know... He’s like super suspicious of everyone at first and is very careful, no matter how harmless or friendly the strangers might seem. (And Lance didn’t even look friendly when he walks in on him, he literally goes “nonono you’re not taking Shiro”)

Which makes me think Keith not only clearly remembers Lance, But he also trusts him. (with Shiro, his “most prized possession” haha, so that means alot.)

I really don’t think Keith would let them come along with him to his secret hideout with a guy he just stole from the Garrison, if he didn't trust them. 

So he probably knows alot more about them than he lets them believe.

(Also unlike Shiro, he could have totally recognized Pidge as Matt’s sister right away, maybe even at the Garrison, maybe he even somehow knew about what she was doing to find out what happened on that mission, because he might have been doing the same thing, and then just kept quiet about her identity because he wanted her to reveal her secret when she was ready)

Bottom line, if he was ok with taking them with him, he probably knew all three of them well enough to really trust them. (Or maybe even just trusted Lance enough to also trust his friends)

And this line “oh I remember you, you’re a cargo pilot”

Like it sounds so freaking condescending. And I don’t think Keith is someone who looks down on people’s jobs or has some “I’m a fighter pilot” ego thing. 

That’s a clear jab at Lance. Why? because he knows Lance really wanted to be a fighter pilot and ended up in cargo. And Lance walks in there all like “nononono IM saving Shiro” like trying to one up Keith and not like actually just give him a hand, so Keith gets pissed and is all “new phone, who dis?” cuz he knows it would piss off Lance and will kinda get him off his high horse. But also it might totally go a bit deeper than that.

Because I think it’s like Keith always pretends like he dun care about this rivalry thing. BUT HE DOES. 

Lance gets to him. 

No matter how many people say their rivalry is just in Lance’s head and he’s the only one that pushes this rivalry on them. It’s not. 

I think Keith wouldn’t respond to him like that or try to get back at him and annoy him if there wasn’t something to it.

This wouldn’t have happened if it was just in Lance’s head:

Keith would’t crash his lion there, he would play along and just let Lance crash his lion. But he obviously was really serious about showing Lance who’s the better pilot or that he’s just as daring as him.

And like when they are training, he makes Lance walk into walls and a dead end on purpose!!! And is all “why you’re not listening Lance??”

He doesn’t exactly tries to be the bigger man, he gets back at him for everything! Keith picks on Lance just as much as Lance picks on him, he’s just kinda more sneaky about it, so he doesn’t gets caught on it, so it wouldn’t appear like Lance actually gets to him. 

Or I dunno, maybe he does it cause its just fun to annoy Lance.

Like this shit here, was totally uncalled for (and this was after "bonding moment”). And Keith started this one.

There’s like alot of little things he does to annoy Lance for no good reason... And the only time he kinda tried to reach out to him and put a stop to this I think was in the comics, when he says “Good job, Lance!” 

(The bonding moment was Lance reaching out to Keith, by kinda showing him what he is really hoping for, for them all to be a good team and for him and Keith to kinda be you know “space ranger partners” and not rivals I guess). Keith just smiled approvingly but then he was back at picking on Lance again!)

I don’t think Lance is the kind of person who is looking for strife. He’s super friendly and he really wants to get along with people, so I really have my doubts about him starting this whole “not getting along with Keith” thing. I feel like he most likely just responds to Keith’s attitude towards him. 

And you know, I don’t think Lance was lying there in the first episode when he said “You know, Lance and Keith, neck and neck.”I dun think Lance is a bad pilot. I think he’s a reckless pilot, a daring pilot, but I think he’s not as bad as the team makes it seem in terms of skills.

So my theory is that Keith finally had someone who caught up to him in flight school, and he didn’t really like that. (probably liked Lance, but not the fact he can potentially be a better pilot) I think Lance challenged him, and that was the source of their totally real rivalry. (And why Lance would be the perfect person to take over Red)

(I mean Keith and Lance are kinda similar after all, they both sometimes do reckless things and act like hot heads and then kinda get at each other for doing the same things..)

And like I have to say that I personally think Keith and Lance have the most brotherly, sibling like relationship if there ever was one (no, it’s not Keith and Shiro, I actually find it odd so many people see THAT relationship as brotherly because I literally have never met two siblings or bros that act like that..)

Like to me Keith and Lance are like siblings that have like a year, two years or so apart. And Lance is kinda like the younger sibling that can’t quite catch up to or really get back at the older one, And Keith is the older sibling that just has fun teasing the younger one all the time but really wants him to succeed and yet still gets super annoyed if the younger one beats him at anything.

And like since I’m sure it’s very important for both of them to get recognition and praise from Shiro (who’s gonna be the parent figure in this case), So Lance is kinda like the child that always feels like Keith is the favorite and dad always takes his side..

(Even tho space dad does love all his kids equally.. I think Shiro deals with Lance in a good way, I hope Keith learns from him)

Like I mean, the drones thing was such a siblings thing to do! Like Keith just pushes Lance’s drone out of the way and is all “Sorry! Gotta be quick" and they start fighting

And Dad is all “Knock it off, you two! Play nice!”

And Lance is “KEITH STARTED IT!!!"

I dunno, if you have siblings (im not sure how its with sisters tho) but if you have brothers who are close to you in age I’m sure u can understand exactly what I’m talking about here.

So I dunno, it’s very clear to me they both really love eachother and care for eachother. And will show it, but won’t actually like, admit it to eachother.. 

Like even the bonding moment

Keith did not punch Sendak.

Lance did not shoot his arm off.

So I think it’s safe to assume Keith didn't actually cradle Lance in his arms at any point.

This is them still bonding by just making shit up and teasing eachother. It's not as serious as ppl make it out to be. It’s a very friendly exchange, a blossoming bromance. (and yes, so far it does seems like just bromance to me, ofcourse it might change in the future, but so far these two seasons that’s all I’m getting form them)

They both know they kinda bonded back there and had this very uncharacteristic tender moment and are kinda backtracking on it but in a sibling kind of way, like “ew I would never get along with you” but I’m sure they both know they are just messing around there.

Like Keith and Lance to me are the epitome of your common sibling relationship.

They are the “I love you to death and would die for you, but I would never admit it toyour face, and i'll only talk shit to your face but will beat anyone else whodoes, and will only say good things about you behind your back”

Like, it’s clear Keith and Lance really like eachother. Keith doesn't actually hate Lance and Lance doesn't hate Keith. They’re just you kno... bros in the making. And they both act like idiots sometimes.

But for them to get along better, Keith (as the person who’s kinda in the position of the older sibling the younger one really admires and wants to be friends with) has to stop doing this shit where he purposely insults and picks on Lance, yes. Specially as the team’s leader.

[mysticdaddies]

RFA DOGS HC :)

So I decided to do a little collaboration with the beautiful @sketchyy-pencil with using her art as inspiration to write HCS for the cute doggies c: I have her permission to use her art. The drawings are hers and you can find the post HERE with their names HERE

Zen’s Dog: Jun the Siberian Husky

 He was hungry for love... hungry for being wanted... hungry for someone to run up to him and welcome him home.... but also... someone to be there for him as a friend.....who looks up to him.... THAT IS WHY HE GOT A DOG.  Dogs are loyal, love you unconditionally, will welcome you home, will look up to you, THEY ARE A MANS/WOMENS BEST FRIEND COME ON. He went to a breeder, and found this dog who was being ignored by everyone else. All of its brother and sisters were playing without him and when hew white dog tried to play with them, they growled at him and he walked away. THE FEELS WERE HIT OKAY. ZEN WAS GETTING THOSE FLASHBACKS AND HE RAN TO THE DOG AND HUGGED HIM SAYING THAT HE WILL BE HIS NEW FATHER. He took the puppy home and educated himself on how to take care of a husky. 

Look, Zen becomes the way Jumin is with Elizabeth the 3rd. Zen practices his lines with the dog. He got a little care seat on his motorcycle so the dog can go with him to his special place. You do not fuck with his dog. The dog is like an exact replica of Zen. White fur with Red eyes making all the other dogs want to be him or want to be with him. The dog is really there for Zen in a emotional level. They both know how it is to be ignored and not loved. Okay TBH, Jun rarely gets dog food, he gets meat, chicken, ham, all that good stuff. Zen makes sure he runs the the fat off so he doesn't get sick D: He makes sure the dog takes frequent ice baths c: He loves to go to the park and play catch with his doggie. They cant be there for long because of fans wanting to take pictures. BEST BELIEVE THIS DOG IS THERE POSING FOR THE PHOTO

Yoosung’s Dog: Rin the Corgi

Yoosung was tired of feeling lonely all the time and he decided to do something about it. He decided to join a new club at campus and he decided to join the CORGI APPRECIATION SQAUD club. He always wanted to be apart of a squad so he was an active member c: He started to find appreciation to the breed and decided to get one of his own c: The club gave him directions to this adoption center and thats where he met his best friend RIN THE CORGI :,D Rin was Yoosungs hype dog! Yoosung bought LOL shirts for her and everything. He loVES PLAYING WITH HER TINY LITTLE LEGS!!! HE LIKS TO FLICK IT AND SING TO HER WHILE HE RUBS HER BELLY. SHE BRINGS HIM HAPPINESS. LIKE HE BUYS PAJAMAS FOR HER AND EVERYTHING. REASON TO LIVE. REASON TO DO GOOD IN SCHOOL. SHE IS JUST A GOOD GIRL. LOVES TO HUG. SHE TRIPS SOMETIMES BUT ITS OKAY. YOOSUNG PICKS HER UP AND TAPS HER BUT A BIT. 

BONUS

HE TOOK HER A SHOWER. HE FILLED HIS TUB HALF WAY. PLOPPED HER IN WITH GOGGLES AND EVERYTHING. HER BUTT FUCKING FLOATED. HE LEGIT CRIED CAUSE IT WAS TOO CUTE. 

Saeran’s Dog: Ciel the Doberman

Saeran actually met Ciel in the worst way possible. Ciel was Saerans personal guardian angel.

When Rika manipulated Saeran to join Mint Eye, he wasn't “conditioned” yet. He didnt know what Rika meant by that but 2 months later he was locked in the basement with little food and water. Men wearing white robes and black masks came in the basement and hosed down Saeran leaving him soaked and wet. They have him eat special food 3 times a day and thats all he gets. He doesn't have clothes or a blanket. He just has a mattress and a pillow. He couldn't believe Saeyoung would trade his freedom for his brother. Rika finally was convincing him that Saeyoung left him to die and that he must be cleansed by the lord. “The enemy is the RFA. The stole my happiness away from me. My main target is my own flesh and blood Saeyoung Choi. Mission? To Kill Him.” That was all he was thinking about when he was holding himself in the night trying to spread warmth throughout his body. Later in the night, he heard rapid footsteps around the basement. He thought it was a rat but he rubbed his eyes to try and see better. His vision cleared a bit and he saw a white puppy hiding behind one of the boxes holding bread in its mouth. The puppy looked at Saeran and ran into one of the empty boxes. Saeran went closer to the pups territory and kneeled down extending its hand so the puppy can know Saeran means no harm. The puppy trusted him and from that day on, the dog shared its stolen meal with Saeran and cuddled with him in the night so they both can stay warm. 

However one afternoon, the puppy was hiding in its box waiting for nightfall to sneak out and grab food. The puppies nap was rudely interrupted when Rika and her followers barged into the basement to beat up Saeran because they accused him of stealing food. The three masked men were punching and kicking him leaving Saeran defenseless. The puppy didn't think twice leaving his hidden box and went to attack the men. The puppy was biting their legs as if they were pieces of meat protecting his friend. Rika saw what was happening and was about to attack the puppy till Saeran interfered and protected his friend. Saeran finally decided to fully join her and her cult if they let him and his friend live like decent beings. Rika agreed knowing the medicine was now taking affect. She gave them a room and Chef to feed them and everything. From that day on, they were eachs other ride or die.

Jihyun/V’s Dog: Angel the Australian Shepard 

Angel traveled around the world with V. She is a very loyal and friendly dog. The only problem V had with Angel is that for an odd reason, she hated Rika. Whenever Rika walked into the room, Angel growled and walked away. When Rika tried to cuddle with V, Angel jumped on the couch and sat on his lap demanding attention. Rika hated Angel and Angel hated her. She tried to convince V to get rid of Angel because her excuse was it was “damaging the relationship”. He told her no that he rather lose her than Angel. Angel barked and slept with V while Rika was planning on a thing called Mint Eye. Rika told V about her idea and Angel went and laid on top of V and growled at her. A sun can always disappear but an Angel will always be there.

MC’s Dog: Shin the Dalmatian

This dog is legit the worse dog guard ever. Zen convinced MC to get a dog to make sure she is safe and protected. She told Zen she already had a dog and that her name was Shin and that she was your pride and joy. The whole RFA felt better knowing you had a dog there ready to protect its master from any harms way. 

V saw the messages and began to freak out thinking the dog could possibly smell the bomb so he just never logged back in LMAO IM SORRY  HE HAS IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO 

However, MC didnt tell them that Shin is the most friendliest dog ever. She plays with everyone and loves to play little jokes. MC usually smiled because Shin had the same personality as the person who gave MC the adorable Dalmatian, MC’s grandfather c: Whenever she had to make phone calls or answer emails for the party, Shin was mostly annoyed because she wasn't getting any attention

BONUS

When MC heard her window shattered she was frighten seeing a white haired man in her home. She knew that was Unknown but before she could say anything, Shin jumped ontop of the man knocking him to the floor. Shin was wagging her tail with a ball in her mouth. Unknown did not expect that reaction. 

EXTRA BONUS 

Unknown started to play fetch with Shin and joined them for dinner eating spaghetti with them. 

Seven’s Dog: Chip the Shibu Inou 

He was inspired to get this dog because he saw a meme on social media about Doge and he wanted one so bad. Screw Elly, if she didnt want or need his love, he was going to give it to someone who needs it. He decided to go to a shelter hoping he can find famous meme breed and after 8 different shelters, he couldn't find the meme breed D: He was beginning to lose hope but he decided to try one more shelter. When he entered the shelter, he saw a 7 month year old Shibu Inu and he screeched like a little girl. He ran towards their cage and was beginning to baby talk to it. He paid for the papers and everything. He didnt prepare to have a animal in its home, so he fed it honey buddah chips. When the dog stuck his face inside the bag it got stuck and Seven began laughing. He removed the bag from the puppies face and noticed there was a chip on it heads. He decided to call his perfect companion Chip :) Short for Honey Buddha Chips :) The thing he loves the most is named after his love :,D 

Seven decided to wear a Shibu Inu costume and slept on the floor with Chip so Chip wouldn't feel lonely :,) After a couple of days later, he brought chip to sleep with him in his bed because the floor was getting uncomfortable. When Chip started to sleep with Seven, Sevens nightmare started to fade away. The guilt he carried inside his head and heart was being cured by chip, but it didnt mean his episodes stopped. One night Seven was having episodes when he was coding because he thought he saw a code saying “Saeran” in binary and he totally lost it. He fell to the ground crying grabbing his own hair. Chip grabbed a potato and ran to Seven giving the potato to him. He then went on his lap and cuddle him giving of “I'm here, everything will be okay vibes” :)

Jumin’s Dog: King Charles the German Shepard 

Jumin only thought about getting a dog because he was getting tired of Saeyoung trying to sneak into his pent house and grab Elizabeth 3rd. 

He knew Saeyoung could get past the guards and fuck up the security system easily, so he decided to tell Assistant Kang to look for breeder that has the highest qualifications to breed guard dogs. He finally got the information from Assistant Kang and personally went with Elizabeth 3rd to find the perfect dog to protect Elizabeth. Of course Elizabeth must come along to help him find the perfect dog that is suitable for her taste. He had Elizabeth the 3rd in his arms with security guards around him because he was paranoid a dog might react aggressively seeing a precious feline. 

He entered the training camp and noticed how obedient the dogs where, but they already belong to the trainers. The breeder took him to the 1-2 year old dogs who matured enough to be obedient. He walked in the special area and there was this black German Shepard that has been eyeing Jumin and Elizabeth from far away. Jumin didnt notice because he was noticing how Elizabeth the 3rd was feeling a bit nervous. Jumin didnt notice that there was an untrained angry dog on the lose and it was heading towards Elizabeth the 3rd. Elizabeth knew she was in danger and jumped out of her fathers arm and ran for it, she put Forest Gump to shame, she was having her own kitty Vietnam flashbacks. Jumin notice the angry dog about to attack Elizabeth till a black German Shepard who've been observing the whole situation decided to attack the other dog and defend Elizabeth. The two dogs were fighting till the owner of the untrained dog got a hold of the rude dog and took him back to his cage for training. Jumin ran quickly to the fierce black German Shepard and notice it had a bite mark around its neck. He noticed Elizabeth 3rd climb onto the back of the dog and licked the battle wound and Jumin fell in love with the dog. He bought the dog right away and he was preparing paperwork to sue the trainer for almost hurting his precious feline. He welcomed King Charles with open arms because it saved his heart, his everything, Elizabeth 3rd. 

BONUS

Jumin left a camera in the penthouse and camped out in his car to see if King Charles can do his job 

1 hour later Seven sneaked in and right when he made it pass the kitchen, King Charles attacked Seven by barking and chasing him off the penthouse. 

Jumin trained him to not the hurt the RFA but to scare them LMAO 

when he noticed everything on the camera, he bought King Charles a diamond collar. 

Jaehee’s Dog: Mocha the Beagle

This precious little Beagle is Jaehees best friend. She is always waiting for Jaehee to come home from a long day of being Jumins slave. She picked up Mocha while she kicked off her shoes and threw her fake as glasses on the couch. She gave Mocha a quick kiss on her adorable forehead and gently flicked her long soft ears. UGH MOCHAS EARS. 

Jaehee then went to kitchen and placed Mocha on the chair and began talking to Mocha about her day while making coffee. People may not believe her when she tells them, but Mocha actually responds back by giving different variations of a bark. If she disagrees with something, mostly what Jumin makes her do, Mocha gives a mad bark with a little growl. If she agrees, she barks happily with a little pant. 

Jaehee just smiles at her canine thanking the moment she first met Mocha. 

*flashback*

It was a heavy rainstorm that on particular night and Mr. Han offered to take Jaehee to her apartment because she took a cab to work. She politely agreed and hold and umbrella over Mr. Hans head so he wouldn't get wet. 

Her whole left shoulder was soaking wet but she had to do it for her boss. They were halfway there to the limo but she heard a faint cry. She stopped and Mr. Han got a bit week and looked annoyed. He was tugging her to continue walking but she didnt. She kept looking for the noise and saw a box with a little head poking outside of it. She dragged Mr. Han to the car and pushed him inside and ran back to help the helpless creature. She almost lost her job but she knows Jumin cant find no one better than her. :)

[jennywarhurstsmith-blog]

Manifesto(es)

I’ve got a multiplicity of ideas about what I want this blog to reflect and record. The ideas which I’m hoping to put down aren’t solid. Even as I’m starting to channel this manic burst of inspiration (thank you late afternoon coffee paired with IMing Jennifer Taylor for madcap blog title ideas) into an introductory post, I’m getting distracted by my Dad arriving home from working at his friend Geoff’s and wanting me to talk to him and help him pick raspberries from the garden, on this very grey afternoon. So all I can do is to tell you now about how I feel today, and what I want this to become. And why I’m nervous and finding this so hard to compose.

I’ve got brain cancer, and it can’t be operated on. And that’s the first and biggest fact I am going to reveal about myself. The shadow on the scans creeps over my whole life, and it chokes all of the ideas that I have and checks my ambition. It stunts the growth of the flowers of poetry. It comes knocking at my doors and my windows insistently, carrying an insidious bouquet of chronic fatigue. Today it’s a mild headache, a compulsion to sleep. I don’t know where my illness is going to take me, or stop me from going. It is from a sense of confusion and flux that this blog will begin to take shape.

The beginning of this blog came from a few different places. Firstly, I guess, there’s the fact of my new feeling of impermanence. For a while, I really did feel like I could just die at any time. And although I’m still more aware of being weaker than I was, I have begun to rationalise this idea of frailty against comforting ideas (although bear with me, because they are very morbid…)

Every day, we do things that have a risk factor just to survive. And that’s why although I can accept that I have cancer and that as a result I get more tired more easily and I struggle with big gaps in my memory and concentration, I refuse to accept that I am closer to death than anyone else. I’m simply not. I’m sick, yes, I’m maybe a little weak, yes, but I’m also just as likely as you to get hit by a car or choke on my next (illicit, sorry Slimming World!) chocolate biscuit or even trip and fall in the canal. So I’m going to do it. I’m lighting a fire under my own arse and committing a gross act of creation, I’m going to indecently expose my innermost thoughts to the world. And I’m going to do it in a way which reflects the hormonal rollercoaster of emotions which has definitely sped up recently, but has really always been a part of ‘Jennifer Louise Smith,’ as my long suffering friends and family can attest.

Lovely Siân of the City Hospital Teenage Cancer ward is responsible for this particularly madcap and infuriating mode of self expression. She began the whole thing by giving me a scrap book early on in the phase when I was first beginning to gain an awareness of what was happening to me. I made a lot of progress early on, but as I began to get busier, this format began to suit me less because firstly I was filling up my days by leaving the house, and secondly I was becoming more self aware and self critical. Quite often I find my artistic skills lacking. However, I’m hoping that the early style I was developing which was really mixed media and responsive can continue, because my artistic inspiration really does come from all sorts of sources less obvious than just the books that I read and my day to day life.

That’s the other reason behind the mixed up format I’m hoping to embrace. Around the time when I first received this scrapbook (which I hopefully titled ‘I AM MORE THAN MY ASTROCYTOMA’, which became darkly funny because I was later re-diagnosed with Multifocal Glioma….multi….as in there is ‘more’ than an astrocytoma…) I was still really struggling from the most surreal aspects of the tumour and associated raised pressure inside my skull. I was having big memory blanks, some of which I still haven’t been able to re-obtain (something which frustrates me, and is part of the reason I’m constantly writing down every scrappy idea that paddles through my brain) and I was also having some slightly trippy and surreal experiences. Those issues have mostly resolved themselves and I’m much more acquainted with the here and the now and the rational and the solid. But I feel in some way the strangeness of those experiences is something that I really won’t ever be able to forget, and that the experience of losing parts of me has changed something essential about me.

For a long time, I couldn’t have concentrated for the extended periods of time that any type of blogging would recquire. Let’s call this my goldfish phase…due to the problems I was having just with every day life, I was referred to a wonderful occupational therapist called Zandra, who has really helped me to look at methods to improve my life not only in terms of getting back to work but really at helping me be at one with my personal circumstances once again. It’s hard to hold onto anything in a concrete way when you can’t even remember what you’re doing as you walk from one room to another. Perhaps I’ll include some of the things which Zandra encouraged me with – one of the first being these big sort of day planners that my Dad was writing for me around Christmas 2016. These planners/journals were a way to check and record myself and try and replace my memory. It’s from these early ‘diaries’ that new ideas developed.

Zandra also really pushed me to think about the future. The way that this episode has positioned itself in my life is beautifully ironic (though not to all parties involved, just to me, Miss Morbid.) My most dramatic symptoms coincided with the end of my time at Sussex University, and my collapse and first admittance into hospital happened as I was undertaking a liberation graduation Eurotrip with my American friend Amanda. So all of this happened just as I was about to leave education, as I was about to become a fully fledged adult and begin to experience life for myself. I wanted to make concrete roots and career successes. I hoped for boyfriends and travel and excitement.

It’s difficult not to sound dramatic when I touch upon how these things aren’t accessible to me now, like they felt that summer in Amsterdam and Berlin with Amanda.

Still, maybe this could be the start of a new future. And if it isn’t, it still feels wonderful to begin to re-organise my thoughts in a way that other people can understand.

I’d hoped to be a teacher some day, but I just don’t have the ability at the present moment to be reliable. Due to my medical issues I wouldn’t be allowed to learn to drive. I feel for the same reason that perhaps I would no longer be able to take responsibility for a class and teach. So when I was finally coming back to myself and Zandra was helping me come up with goals, I had to refigure. Because I am not the same girl who was travelling with Amanda. I’ve shared a lot of experiences with that previous Jenny, but she doesn’t know me anymore. What I know now is that some parts of me are fragile but simultaneously resilient. And I have interesting and insightful things to tell people because of what has happened to me, but I also still have a lot to learn.

If I’m not going to be able to teach, maybe then I can pursue less practical career paths without feeling like I am being selfish and not giving back to society. Perhaps the most generous thing I can do now is to recover as best as possible in order to bring peace of mind to the people who care about me most. In a lot of ways this entire work will be dedicated to my family and all of the things they have always done for me. My mother in particular – I just CANNOT express how grateful I am. Even if I was to fill a library with the word ‘Thank-you’ it couldn’t begin to tell you how thankful I am for my family and my friends and everyone else (medics and counsellors and members of the public) who have all contrived to create a new niche to cradle me in and help cushion my return to lucidity.

So although I feel my oxymoronic noble-selfish wish to teach (selfish because it allows me to remain in academia) I also know that I’m probably not currently reliable enough to take on students – a student-teacher relationship is one where the tutor must be available to the student first and foremost, and I feel that a lot of the time I’m just not mentally THERE. This has left me a fish out of water – where do I go from here? I’ve also lost the ability to travel the world independently, which was another huge motivation and a dream for the future. Yet while my world is shrinking, I’m also feeling the strangest kind of zoom effect. Everything seems to carry more significance and beauty than it did before. Sometimes I feel like a receptor for nature. Other times I feel like a lump, and an undeserving one at that, because I don’t really contribute anything to society at this moment in time.

One of my strongest convictions is that creating optimism and drive in your immediate life moves outwards from you like the rings created by dropping a stone in water. This butterfly effect is all I can have for now, so I may as well take all of my frustration and devastation and turn it into something. Anything at all! Its better that I’m sat here expressing this big lump which sits between my heart and my throat than just letting it catch every time I sit about listening to other people rather than speaking my mind.

A lot of the time, that mental voice is just screaming YOU HAVE CANCER YOU ARE DYING over and over again. It’s not a thing that’s easy to ignore, but it’s something I have to put into its box and just let it stew. I can’t look that thought in the eye.

So much has become unreal recently that I find it difficult to explain simply to anyone what it is exactly that I’m feeling. I’m going to put a positive spin on it for the purposes of this blog post, however, and just say that although I can feel my limits, and they never go away, I also feel liberated in other respects because something as simple as getting out of bed and getting dressed has become a victory. I can be proud of myself for not giving in. And in that way I’m hoping to use this adventure in journaling as a way to celebrate all of the interesting outcomes of a really cruddy situation.

Yes, my writing makes me cringe. And I’m already critiquing myself and second guessing every single word choice that I’m making. And I do intend to edit and refine the work that I create and publish on this blog. However, I also want to show resilience and ambition. Being so physically weak has helped reinforce how much I really do love reading books and how much I’d love to continue to study. I keep getting this idea that I could succeed in a creative writing course. Perhaps this will be the very first chapter of that narrative.

I don’t want to give up anything more. I’ve given up enough already.

The use of this format, the blog, is a substitute for an ideal format that I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months. I’ve been struggling to describe exactly what I want this to look like and show, but I haven’t generated all of the content I’d want to be contained within it. So this is all a work in progress. That’s part of the reason I’m calling this post ‘Manifesto(es)’ – like an avant garde artist I want to set out to explain to you what exactly it is I want to show you, because I’m not yet certain how I’m going to execute it, and I may even need your help to make it possible.

I can’t get the idea of the spider’s web out of my mind. Having such pervasive cognitive issues, these big gaps and misty confusions, I spend a lot of my day trying to re-create arcs of thought which have occurred, bursting into life then fading back into the general miasma of my brain. The only way I can think of to describe the way my brain feels is to picture that old secondary school technique, the mind map (or sometimes known as a brainstorm). By linking ideas, memories, pictures, photographs, messages and factual information, I can mimic the paths which my thoughts have taken, and use them to build new ideas and create a new memory artificially. For a very long time now I’ve been keeping notes of all sorts of abstract ideas on paper, on my phone, but now I’m becoming engaged with society again I need to be able to explain them to people, to make this ‘second brain’ a physical thing that I can access. It’s a sketch of my brain. I wish I could sketch it, perhaps using a computer programme to make it interactive? However, I don’t yet have the skills. My solution in the meanwhile is to use the popular medium of the hash tag at the same time as the standard chronological blog format. In this way, I can keep a diary which is multimedia, which chronicles my recovery, which allows me to edit and curate what other people can see and will also help me develop. Because perhaps, if I can become more confident in my ability to express what my brain is trying so desperately to make known, I can recover myself.

Because that is what’s breaking my heart about my illness. It feels like the border between me and the rest of the world has been damaged. Nobody else quite gets me anymore. I’m me, I’m vivacious and silly and embarrassing...but I’m also this fragile brain damaged train wreck. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost so much, sometimes it feels more like I’ve learned from this experience. But always, it feels insular and lonely inside my skull. And even this, thinking about my thinking, is cathartic. And I’m hoping that eventually this blog can help me feel like Jenny Smith again.

Manifesto{es} is an unashamedly pretentious title for an early blog post, but I’m hoping to keep writing new variations on these explanations, and keep adding to these ideas. And I’m also going to add hash tags to the blogs I write in order to show the secondary methods of sorting and linking the ideas in my brain. Over time, I’m hoping this will create a structure to model the way my mind works and perhaps to solidify the changeable. However, only hard work and time will allow me to live out this experiment. So I’ll sign off here, and start to input old thoughts onto the blog. I’m going to try and back date as much stuff as I can, even if it doesn’t yet seem relevant. It’ll help assuage some of the fear I have of losing the little memories I’ve recovered. And perhaps it’ll even help me build up my creative impulses, and become a half decent writer. So the way the new structure is going to work is that I’ll sign off each post with dates and times, and if I go back I’ll acknowledge the changes. It reminds me of Joyce’s ‘Trieste, Zurich, Paris 1914-1921.’ This is my palimpsest, my monument of sand shored against the tide:

Written on my laptop from my bedroom, 3rd July 2017, altered from a piece started 27th June 2017