#im so anxious because im about to tell my parents about my bf but im doing it over text bc ive been too shy to say it the like 5 times we

[clonewarsahsoka]

😳😳😳

[starry-hughes]

When are you moving Star? Did you get to tour the place?

i didn’t get to tour today because of a miscommunication but tomorrow we’re going to tour! and by we i mean me and my coworker. my coworker is very supportive and an amazing support system to have.

if i get this apartment, i’d move the second week of april/start to move. i probably won’t immediately move everything, just smaller stuff like kitchen and clothes throughout the week. and then that weekend (because the lease would start on a monday probably) i’ll probably have my parents with me or my coworker so they can drive the u-haul and move the bigger stuff like the bed and couch. and then star bf would probably just start staying with me unless he goes to get the bed we put in storage. and the boys already said they didn’t need my couch for the brief 3 weeks between my new potential lease and the end of the current lease.

it just gives me more time to move and i’m not panicking to move! i’m very nervous about moving since it’s about to be a month out from that. like i feel anxious just talking about it because the anxiety and i am like a fish and have to acclimate and because i don’t have a set lease or signed paperwork i’m convinced it won’t happen. like when i emergency broke my last lease and moved out within like 24 hours i was sobbing because i didn’t have my stuff all into my current apartment and i didn’t have a house key and i felt like i didn’t have a home. or when i first moved into an apartment i just was like convinced in my head it was all false because i didn’t have physical keys in my hand.

but if i like the place tomorrow, im talking like going home after work and immediately putting in the application. my other coworker already has boxes set aside for me from her recent move. i have romanticized so much in my head i could tell you what i’m packing first and how.

[i-like-strawb]

vent

you have been warned

okay, i genuinely feel like such a shitty person because i cant keep in touch with my friends over long distance, like i will forget to anwer then 3 hours later i dont know what to say so i just respond with "ok" and it makes me feel so bad

and then theres also the fact that whenever me and my ex bf broke up it was getting toxic like REALLY toxic he has screamed at my best friend multiple times and he freaked out cuz i didnt answer my phone for 1 hour (i was at a birthday party and i was talking about it so he knew) and hes just done some shit to me and my friends that i didnt like,

but anyways we were still friends....(for like 2 days) and near the time we broke up he had discovered he liked fem clothes (a femboy, and no i dont have anything against them, you do you as long as ur not hurting anyone) and whenever we broke it off i wasnt really thinking right at the time and he sent me stuff i didnt want to see (like him in a skirt saying "first time going out today!1!1!") and i didnt want to see it

so. i told him i didnt care and a day later he said "thanks for letting me know we arent friends" and i blocked him, on EVERYTHING, capcut? blocked. pinterest? blocked. iMessages? blocked. and i feel like such a bad person for doing that...he didnt deserve it and i got discord and im in a server with him and now i feel like i want to throw up all over again but whenever i first left him i felt really happy...

i tried forcing myself into a idgaf personality but that backfired. big time and now that i dont have a boyfriend ive just been keeping all of my emotions in (i kinda was before but not as bad y'know?) and now i dont know what to do about it so i just stay up until 3am everyday on my computer to forget it all

and my parents arent quite strict but overbearing...my dad has a weird habit of picking at what i eat and it makes me feel really bad and they also expect me to be the "perfect daughter" when i have told them i am trans and that i am struggling (when i came out my dad said "i am not respecting you" to my face. ouch.) and whenever they found out abt my sh they, instead of looking into the problem, threatened to take everything from me

and they have always put the pressure on with school. i feel like i must be perfect or else i wont have freedom, and my dad is unnecissarily (?) loud, like ive asked him to tone it down and says "NOPE" every single time and it makes my head hurt (it also doesnt help that i have noise sensitivity issues) and he just denies everything and it hurts so much....

one day ill be able to get along with him just fine, the next day im looking at a pair of scissors a little too much because of him and i dont know what i can do anymore and my mom laughed in my face when i said i thought i was autistic and whenever i was at a really low point to suggest being put in a mental hospital

and what sucks is that i never realized most of my habits were weird until my ex pointed them out (ex: i have a really bad stutter). and ever since the moment i went to school im always in some kind of toxic relationship and i never realized that until a month ago

and with the staying up till 3? oh yeah real good. im tired and anxious 24/7 i feel like shit, and i dont want to say this to anybody because i dont want to bother them and i feel like they dont and wont care about it, just like some of my hyperfixations, like i will genuinely be excited about something and i tell it to someone and they couldnt give two fucks. again. ouch

and also i get yelled at because im very socially awkward and i cant really express some feelings outwardly, like i really love your present but i dont know how to express it so i need a minute to figure it out and then i get yelled at or the "you are so ungreatful" speech and nobody bothers to try and understand

and then there is how much i loathe myself, i hate that i was born like this, i hate how easy it is for me to get acne, i hate my nose and my mouth, my face shape, my body shape, my smile, my high voice, my femme looking features, i hate the fact i was born as a girl, i hate it all so much, the only thing i love is my hair color and eyes those are the only two pretty things about me

and i hate my personality so much too, i cant describe it but i hate myself a lot and the only comfort im able to get are my stuffies, the internet and a blanket fort where i can escape from everything and the terrible headaches i get, im so tired

i also have big anxiety issues, i overthink a lot even a "hi how are you" is too much for me like what if they find it weird, wait what if they dont like me, am i being too much and its a lot of thoughts to handle all at one time and i havent been able to regress lately (6 months) and that is the only way i really know how to cope

and what i mean by havent been able to is that i dont have a lot of stuff, ive been too tired to and i dont have a cg/somebody i think that actually cares enough and since im almost done with middle school im kinda scared, i dont know why but i am

bottom line, i feel like a shit person and that i have let everybody down, i desperately need sleep, and i have a shit ton of repressed feelings/emotions and they are all resurfacing and i cannot handle it, sorry for bothering you all and have a good day/night :)

[kitcheninaman]

tell me all about ur OCs RN!!!!! /nf

AHH OKAY. THIS WILL BE LONG SORRY BUT IM GONNA TELL U ABOUT THE LUCASWORLD CAST BC ITS SIMPLER THAN IF LOL (if u wanna hear about IF feel free to ask it might just. take time)

lucasworld is the nickname for the novel im writing but the current working title is Middle Of The Road. the main characters are:

Lucas Dixon

Noah Campbell

Lin McAster

Odin Lester

Madison Harpham

there are 3 others (crya, finn, and holly) but they're sadly not all that relevant. they also (mostly) have parents who make varied appearances. lucas noah and lin are 16, odin is 17, and madison is 18.

theyre all trans guys apart from madison who is a cis girl (unless you ask my bf he is adamant she has tgirl swag). the interesting thing with odin is that it isnt revealed that hes transgender until quite far into the book, for various reasons.

lucas and lin are the Main Characters, most of the book alternates between their povs, but occasionally odin gets a chapter because he's my Baby Boy.

important information about lucas: he's about five foot seven, he has shitty brown hair and wire-framed round glasses. he tried to cut his own hair once and it never fully recovered. he loves car seat headrest, he's anxious all of the time, and his biggest flaw is how much he projects his own issues onto others.

important information about lin: he's about five foot five, has silver hair in a middle part which he dyes exclusively with the cheapest box dye he can find, and he's very scottish. his mummy issues r what make him funny. he loves listening to music in the woods, he gets hatecrimed literally daily, and his biggest flaw is he either thinks too much or too little. no in-between.

important information about noah: he's about five foot eight, has a blond mullet which lucas would DIE for, and he's very pale. pale to the point he looks like a ghost... i wonder why. he likes lucas, lying about being dead (he is), and his biggest flaw is the fact he died.

important information about odin: he's about five foot ten, has greasy black hair he slicks back awfully, and is literally always wearing a shitty leather jacket. he thinks he's literally JD from heathers but cooler. he likes planes, bullying lin, and his biggest flaw is his INSANE internalised transphobia.

important information about madison: shes about five foot eight, and has brown hair which she likes to keep down but is forced to keep up for school. her dad is the mayor and shes not very good at relating to normal people. she likes psychology, penelope scott, and her biggest flaw is that she treats odin like a science experiment rather than a friend.

anyway can u guess which of them kiss (on the mouth)

thank you SO much for asking i really love talking about my sillies :) please ask more if you think of anything else!!!! id love to share!!!!!

[meetmymouth]

I’m scared, I don’t think I’m ready tbh, I’ve literally only just turned 20. My parents would probably react that way because I’m in uni and I’ve worked so hard to get into med school, having a baby would just ruin this all. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive and I plan to tell my bf tonight. Then we’ll book an appointment to see if it’s true 😩

im sorry i understand why you’re so anxious! despite everything, im glad your boyfriend is being lovely about it all 🥺 let me know how it goes if you’re ok with me knowing!

[bakuraryxu]

yes this is my blog yes yes i will cotninue to post tmi things

yesterday i found out a family freinds daugther was assualted by a pedophle 3 years ago. she was terrified to tell anyone because he threatened to kill her. she was 8 at the time. she told her dad and he told my brother who told me and mum, bcecuase he was devastated. we all were. ive known this girls parents since i was little, and to hear abotu this happening. man. its heavy

my crackhead niece has started doing this fun thing where she self harms and calls all her grandparents to rustle up some drama and someone calls the ambulance. she wont answer the door. she’ll hide from the ambo, then they call the cops to break the door down. they go inside, find her and her crackhead boyfreind hiding, take her to the hosputal, and then she leaves the hospital before she sees a doctor. this has happened twice now. i heard she was at the hospital again yesterday bc she asked mum for uber money bc she didnt want to wait in the waiting room?

idk what shes thinking. like obviously shes NOT but u know what i mean? also we suspect theres some DV with her bf but she insists shes breaking things in her apartment and hurting herself. i dont know.

she hounds for money. not me i blcoked her on every platform and its great. but she does it to my nephew so often, daily even. its suhc a pain because he then asks me for money to send her

she like. is so desperate for attention but cant possibly conceive of any way to get it except say shes going to hurt herself or say shes going to try and kill herself. the drama is always at MAX LEVEL with this one its exhausting lol. i love my nephew very much but his sister makes me want to cringe and like not claim her as family u know

brodies made friends with this kid who is from a DV situation. idk details except his mother took him and left at the end of last year and now they have nothing. she works but i met her briefly and i thnk she has an intellectual dsiability... ma reckons its an aquired brain injury. the kid is ok i guess but hes a full on gross dirty little teenage ratbag and i THINK he has a crush on me and its SSJFKJDSJHKkjkjkfj hes too much. its too much.

im seeing my dad next weekend. my freind and i are going on a roadtrip to his town and we’ll see him. im looking forward to it but im nervous too

i REALLY want a german shepherd puppy. or a little poodle pup. im really clucky its starting to become a problem and im hoping a puppy will be a bandaid type solution for me

i think im falling into a naruto rabbit hole and it sux but its great too.

havent lifted weights for a few days. not quite a week?

my knee has started bugging me again. i slack off on the exercises the physio gave me for 2 days and it botheres me i mean jeez.

im behind on my thesis. im anxious about it.

hmmm i think that might be it .

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - April 27th, 2018

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them.

Remarkable multi-chapter WIP by @tsukikomew - What if Oliver met Felicity during the pilot instead of episode 3? Oliver Queen is back and determined to save his city. While the Hood sets off to take down evil and crime, Oliver Queen finds himself drawn to her. As the Hood makes a name for himself, Oliver has to decide what he's willing to sacrifice to save his city. A complete retelling of Season 1, 1 chapter per episode. https://archiveofourown.org/works/7011949/chapters/15967018

I'll Be Better (post 6x19) by @dust2dust34 - Post-6x19. Oliver gets a taste of his own medicine. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11888871/chapters/33201207

(My Waking) Nightmare by @alexiablackbriar13 - Post 6x19. Felicity awakens from a nightmare about Oliver dying due to being hurt while alone in the field... to find her husband missing from their bed. Understandably, she panics. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14377521

Above All Else multi-chapter WIP by shesimperfect_butshetries - A different take on episode 6x14: Rene shoots but Oliver jumps in front of Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101470/chapters/32490537

Another Chance at Love multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - It’s been almost two years since Oliver lost his fiancée Detective McKenna Hall when she died in the line of duty. He closed his heart to love ever since, unable or unwilling to give love another chance. That changes when he meets Felicity Smoak at the annual gala of the Starling City Police Foundation. Is he ready to give love another chance, though? http://archiveofourown.org/works/13561101/chapters/31119801

A Dance With The Devil multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A Season Five re-write http://archiveofourown.org/works/13792770/chapters/31707645

Olicity Fic Challenge 3: Pancakes by @spaztronautwriter - “You’re still here… and you’re making pancakes?” https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/142778757233/olicity-fic-challenge-3-pancakes

No More Brownies (An Olicity AU) by @spaztronautwriter - Felicity contacts Oliver to make her pancakes after a drunken night including a brownie https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/143197790313/no-more-brownies-an-olicity-au

Bottomless Breadsticks (An Olicity AU) by @spaztronautwriter - Oliver calls Felicity after his date steals his wallet. https://spaztronautwriter.tumblr.com/post/151680523148/bottomless-breadsticks-an-olicity-au#notes

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Arrow Out of Context Prompt: “Don’t worry. I’ll figure out what’s wrong with Oliver.”  “You’d be the first.” http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/173174827739/could-you-do-5-please-from-the-arrow-season-2

Revelations by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - There's a lot that Ray doesn't ask about when Felicity shows up out the blue after they haven't seen each other in a year. Those answers come to him in time. If he's totally honest with himself, he isn't sure he was prepared for them. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14384493

Don't Take Satisfaction by HopeShannon3000 - When Curtis said he basically took satisfaction in Oliver being alone (in 6x19) i was disappointed that Felicity didn't say anything so i fixed it and made what i wanted her to say to Curtis. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14388264

Jealous Oliver Queen multi-chapter WIP by Overwatch_queen_olicity - Another alien invasion. This time, it's in National City. Kara calls for backup from team Arrow, Flash and Legends. When everyone meets up at the DEO new introductions are made. Winn instantly takes a liking to Felicity, but Oliver isn't too okay with that. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14395686/chapters/33243285

Last Dance (Post S6) by @dust2dust34 - Oliver and Felicity say good bye http://dust2dust34.tumblr.com/post/173200119409/and-because-im-in-an-angsty-mood-17-last

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Arrow Out of Context Prompt: “You deserve someone better, who can harness that light that’s still inside of you, but I’m not that person and I never will be.” http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/173198269409/16-of-the-out-of-s2-context-prompts-plssss

Curious Transformations multi-chapter WIP by CharlotteCordelier - From the Department of I-didn't-think-this-all-the-way-through, a season 2 AU. Felicity comes to in a train station, missing some time. And that's only the beginning of the weirdness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14161659/chapters/32641764

To Sacrifice the Sun multi-chapter WIP by @emmilynestill - Oliver and Felicity are ARGUS agents working on a mission in Mexico, the two share some very important history. A MUST READ! http://archiveofourown.org/works/7510744/chapters/22505918

Untitled by @felicityollies - Prompt: "my bf found my shampoo by smelling all of them" http://felicityollies.tumblr.com/post/173208772812/are-u-by-any-chance-writing-about-my-bf-found-my

Tempest multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Three years ago, tragedy struck Julianna Queen’s life. Now, she wears a mask and fights at her father’s side, looking for closure and justice as she tries to find a path to move forward with her life while holding on to her past. But that may a bit more complicated than she thinks… http://archiveofourown.org/works/13309731/chapters/30461850

Damn It, Why Won't the Eagle Just Land Already? multi-chapter complete by @smewhereelse - President John Diggle would really appreciate it if everyone would stop gossiping about his security detail and his science advisor and get back to work. He’d appreciate it even more if his best friends would pull their heads out of their asses and get together already. A White House romantic comedy AU. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132602/chapters/30040788

Butterflies Around a Flame... multi-chapter WIP by @arrow-through-my-writers-block -  Isabella doesn't expect a lengthy string of code on her laptop to transform into a letter from her recently deceased mother offering to tell her the truth about her father, but she accepts the ghostly offering with slight hesitation. In the confession comes the remarkable tale of Felicity Smoak's whirlwind romance with troublemaker Oliver Queen and their desperate attempt to escape the circumstances that brought them together in the first place. (inspired by the film 'Fire With Fire' | title from the song 'Birds of a Feather' by The Civil Wars) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834591/chapters/17885317

Growing Together by @tsukikomew - In a world where the Gambit never goes down, Felicity Smoak just wants a burger. She just wants one night at Big Belly Burger the way it used to be, before Oliver Queen cut himself away from his family fortune and started being a server there. When she forgets her cell phone one night, Oliver tracks her down and begins a love story neither of them were expecting. https://archiveofourown.org/works/7548208

Coming Together by @tsukikomew - After Oliver Queen walked away from his fortune, he was surprised to meet the love of his life at Big Belly Burger. Now Olicity is confronted with dealing with Moira Queen. A continuation of "Growing Together". https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812036

Loving Together by @tsukikomew - Oliver and Felicity have done it all. They've overcome having no job, no money, and no place to go. They've overcome having three children and parents who were not always supportive. Now they have one more thing to overcome and it doesn't help they start out with three puking children. No matter what they are together and in love, and that's what matters. https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992861

Bodyguard multi-chapter WIP by @originalhybridlover - Felicity needs a new bodyguard and Diggle referred her to an old friend, Oliver Queen. Unknowingly she meets the man she would one day marry.  LOVE THIS and the writer says she’s working on an update :) https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656798/chapters/21814571

Oliver on Vacation multi-chapter complete by @tinaday3w - Olicity AU.  When Oliver Queen’s best friend, renowned psychiatrist Dr. John Diggle, encourages the stressed-out CEO to go on vacation, Oliver can’t believe Digg’s “vacation” choice is actually a psychiatric retreat nestled deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Oliver simply doesn’t think he needs this kind of intensive therapy.  And he definitely doesn’t think he needs the attentions of Felicity – the frivolous, frolicking forest fairy who flits her way into his life and challenges all his assumptions.  What Oliver doesn’t know is that he’ll never be so happy to be proven wrong. A MUST READ! https://archiveofourown.org/works/4662243/chapters/10637169

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

It's the Side Effects That Save Us by @theshipsfirstmate - Post-5x20, my attempt to sort through that wholly unsatisfying final Olicity scene. https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869822

Take Two by @yet-i-remain-quiet - A slight rewrite to the Olicity scene at the end of 6x19. When Felicity comes home after seeing the explosion and is looking for Oliver. What if the couple had had a real conversation. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14428407

The Story of Tonight multi-chapter WIP by @arrow-crack - Set in the Revolutionary War. Felicity, a rich daughter of General Smoak meets a strangely charming soldier under her father's command, Oliver Queen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14073570/chapters/32423250

Re-Airrow 1x17 by @lostolicityscenes - Here is episode 1x17 FS version. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/173275491621/re-airrow-episode-1x17-an-you-may-notice-that

Rainbow in the Dark multi-chapter Complete by @tdgal1 - The team is tracking a sex trafficking ring leading to an auction on a boat.  Oliver has a PTSD attack resulting in understanding his true feelings for Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14345985/chapters/33110745

Everybody Leaves by shesimperfect_butshetries - Rewrite of the end of 6x17. Felicity and Oliver discuss the collapse of Team Arrow. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416086

Love On Top by @sanxo - This is a one shot, set after 6x19, I may say that it's a little an AU too, oh and its also a little celebration of the Olicity sexiversary! https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416902

Real Love (Is Never a Waste of Time) multi-chapter WIP by @callistawolf - Oliver and Felicity are CEOs who are more partners than they are rivals, but they still bicker whenever they meet up. Constantly pestered by their families and board members, they turn to each other for a simple solution. But marriage is never simple, especially when these two are involved. When Oliver's younger sister decides to hold her much-anticipated wedding on a tropical island and insists her brother and his wife attend, will the island paradise prove to be the tipping point in their carefully balanced relationship? https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604955/chapters/31233603

The Best Deceptions multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - From the moment Oliver Queen met Felicity Smoak, all he’d wanted to do was keep her safe. But to protect her and his city, he had to become something else. Five years later, Felicity finds herself wrapped up in a dangerous murder investigation and a treacherous relationship. Intent on finding out the truth, she has to rely on a government sector she doesn’t trust, the hacking skills she gave up on, and a man who she thought had given up on her. http://archiveofourown.org/works/13920333/chapters/32038635

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //

[apricottah]

there’s so many things i want to tell you and it builds up and becomes too much, anyway let me tell you what has been happenninnggg there is something so wrong with me all the time i swear the past like 2 weeks? week? three weeks? idk how long it’s been but anyway i went out whenever this is like at the start of when i last wrote something and me and my friend go out and jay who i went es with is there bc he works at the pub we went to and we had a really nice time but then we’re all talking about ages ago when we went to the eden project and me and this guy broke into the eden project and stole ice skates and went ice skating and swam in the waterfall but apparently the night before that there was this girl and they found me behind the portaloos 😭😭 telling her like no no get off me and she was trying to get it onnn with me and they had to save me from her bc i was like nooo and she was like 😜😜😜 so new trauma got unlocked that i completely don’t remember. whatever there’s this guy at work i fancy the fucking arse off of but like when i like someone im so nervous i just cant if idc im fine whatever but i literally idk i have a problem so ofc i told everyone and their nan i think he’s Fitttttt, we’ve been talking a bit but im still working on it but then a couple days later i sort of got over it. i asked my step dad to get some bread a week ago and he gave me the dirtiest look so my home life isn’t so great also my sister’s got really bad again and i shldn’t be workinf so much so i can look after her but i need to get my own place so i can just get custody of her it’s tricky and i’m really bad at law. i was out the other day and im walking to the loo and i see caitlin fucking daniels i haven’t spoken to her in yearrsss man she was like omg grace?!? and i was like hi!! and we’re gonna meet on sunday im so excited i was like ahhhh im doing so much better now im so heaLTHY lets do smth! she’s doing really good she seems more balanced. i have this 50th bday party on sat and im so anxious bc the only people i know going is the girl who’s parents it is, her bf and my fucking disgusting toxic ex who i would literally rather set fire to my own body than sit in a room with for any amount of time because everyone is still so blind i literally feel crazy saying he’s an asshole but im sorry i called it from the start and then i was psychotic so idrk what happened but my therapist said it’s best to just leave closed doors closed and accept what was left behind them which yeah i get but fucking hell im not drinking when i go onsat because one fucking glass of wine and i would honestly choke the shit out of him chop his cock off and bury his body in the woods yeah maybe i do have a lot of repressed anger and resentment but at least i’m getting it out in ways like writing it down instead of doing something about it. i had a dream i was pregnant last night and it was soo weird also i didn’t get into halls for uni but i think it’s a good thing i just do not think it wld be good for me im gonna just go into a house and get a job and get on with it i actually have a goal now and i am soooo gassed for it because the law changed a while ago too so you can live in italy if you’re working abroad like idk i think it’ll make it easier for me and i won’t have to fake marry a gay italian man. i have such a good idea for a book i can’t wait to start it also i finally finished my draft of the first one i am SO excited except now i need to go back and edit it alllllll which will bore the ABSOLUTE SHIT out of me but it’s also okay because i love myself

[crunchta]

1-70 BINCH

Goddamn it sned

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yeah? For the most part

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My parents

03: Do you regret anything?

Yeah

04: Are you insecure?

Eh, yes ? Only abt a few things.

05: What is your relationship status?

Single

06: How do you want to die?

Either by a heart attack or stroke, or in a sword fight. Or by doing something badass

07: What did you last eat?

Bagels

08: Played any sports?

Soccer, basketball, horseback riding and I’ve been wanting to do track since the 8th grade

09: Do you bite your nails?

No

10: When was your last physical fight?

A couple days ago with my brother

11: Do you like someone?

No

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Nope

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

My parents always taught me that hate and love are very strong words and to use them only when you mean it. But no I don’t hate anyone

14: Do you miss someone?

Yeah. Friends and others.

15: Have any pets?

A cat! Named Diana, after Wonder Woman

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I feel like I’m always slightly anxious or paranoid idk. But Im watching tv and taking science notes and I’m gonna make my Mom naan bread so I’m ok rn

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Nope

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yes

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Definitely

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

France

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Yesterday I went horseback riding and went to the mall and today I have hw and am gonna make a lot of food lmao

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I’m not sure. I honestly think I’d want a couple teenagers. Like I’d adopt kids. Maybe 2 at first. At most like 5. I’m not sure why that many. Maybe bc I don’t think it would be that hard or maybe bc I want to give lots of kids a home and share my wisdom

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Just my ears are pierced

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Art, English, maybe history? At the moment I have an 88 or higher in all my classes.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah

26: What are you craving right now?

Garlic naan bread, hot chocolate. Whipped cream. Strawberry’s. Grilled cheese.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?I don’t think so

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

No.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yeah

30: What’s irritating you right now?

The face that I need to study and am not and that I have one test and then I’m done with a class but I keep putting it off

31: Does somebody love you?

Yeah? I think?

32: What is your favourite color?Blue

33: Do you have trust issues?

I don’t think so

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

In my last dream I was trying to get high without my parents catching me and then i was in San Diego at a play with a few friends and I kept trying to find someone else and it was weird

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t remember. I try not to cry in front of people

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Yeah. But when I stop then it’s bc I’m just done

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

I usually forgive but never forget and I can hold a grudge for a long time. It also depends on what happened. Give it a year I maybe be 80% over whatever happened depending on what it was

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

I mean it’s definitely in the top several. It’s okay so far

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

14?

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

If I have then I don’t remember lmaoo

51: Favourite food?

Steak, grilled vegetables Fries. Bacon. Bread rolls. Garlic naan bread. Banana bread. Pasta. Grilled cheese

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I have such a hard time explaining how I see fate and destiny because I’m never sure what’s going to happen or how it’s going to or if whatever we did was right or if it leads to where we’re supposed to go or end up with it’s all v complicated

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I looked up rain noises on Amazon music and put that on before I fell asleep

54: Is cheating ever okay?

No

55: Are you mean?

If Im mean it’s either in a kidding way or in a way where I’m trying mot to be vulnerable

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Just my brothers

57: Do you believe in true love?

I’d like to think that it exists

58: Favourite weather?Rain

59: Do you like the snow?

Yeah!!

60: Do you wanna get married?

Yeah one day

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

If a boy I like calls me baby, that’s a no but if a girl I like calls me baby I melt. It’s weird. Some friends call me babe and like with certain ppl that’s okay but not with others

62: What makes you happy?

Making ppl laugh. Making art.

63: Would you change your name?

Nah

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Considering I don’t even remember who it was, yes.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Jokes on you I don’t have a best friend of the opposite sex. I guess there’s Kai but he’s gay so I’d be like go make out with your bf and tell me if you still feel this way

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Nah

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My little brother

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Zara

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I believe in a form of soulmates

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

A couple ppl

[mcnstres]

( casually slides onto the dash ) HEY THERE! i’m s, and yes, it does indeed stand for shithead, and i live in pst. i turned twenty just four days ago so that means three hundred and sixty-one more days until i can legally drink in the united states. cue the confetti poppers. but anyways, i’m v v excited to be here and can’t wait to plot with you all! that being said, hmu if uh, you know, you wanna like, plot or sumthin sumthin. my IMs are open but if that’s not really your style, i also have a discord that i’d happily give out if you ask. but yeah, below the read more is all that jazz, yadda yadda, ye. 

rape tw, abortion tw, death tw

*  ADRIA ARJONA  &  CISFEMALE  / /  here we’ve got BELLE MÁRQUEZ-ROSALES,  the  THIRTY-EIGHT  year old VAMPIRE  -  luckily, SHE  actually looks about TWENTY-FIVE years old.  with a reputation for being  BENIGN,  AUDACIOUS,  CREDULOUS, and  SELF-DEPRECIATIVE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them.  BELLE has been around faulk hollow for 2 WEEKS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear CONFIDENTLY LOST by SABRINA CLAUDIO? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

she was born and raised in grand haven, michigan. her mom had her at 16 and idk where her dad went but uh, he wasn’t in the picture. her aunt was 27 when her mom had her, and she’d already been told she couldn’t have kids, so when belle was born it was kind of a blessing in disguise for her. the mom didn’t really want anything to do with the kid, she was a teenager at the time and was too wacked out over the fact that the baby-daddy vanished. so yeah, her aunt and uncle were basically her parents

never had a good relationship with her mom. also has a lot of half-siblings due to the fact that her mom just wouldn’t stop having kids lol

belle’s always been kind of, idk, perfect?? she was a good baby, quiet, barely ever cried, always sleeping; she was a good kid, remembered her abc’s and times tables in the first few weeks she learned them, never talked back to her tia; she was an exceptionally good teenager, didn’t drink or smoke like the other kids, kept straight a’s, did hella volunteer work, etc. you get the whole gist. she was just... good. she did everything she could to NOT become her mother, and so she worked hard and kept out of trouble

but then when she was 16, belle was raped. it happened after her sophomore homecoming football game; her friend wanted to go to a party to celebrate and belle didn’t want her to go alone so basically she only went to keep an eye on her. long story short, belle found herself locked in a room with a drunk guy and that’s when he took advantage of her. she ended up pregnant afterwards and got an abortion. at first, she was going to keep it because she was raised by a very religious family, that’s partially the reason why she has so many damn half-siblings, but her aunt supported her decision to get the abortion

despite what’d happened to her, belle continued to try and see the best out of her life. she used it as her motivation to get stronger, to get out of grand haven and make a better life for herself. she graduated high school as valedictorian and then ended up going to the university of michigan

she entered college as a human biology major. she wanted to get her phd in gynaecology and eventually join the msf, aka, doctors without borders

life seemed to be going well for her. she fell in love, got into med school, and she just felt like everything was on track

but you know, something bad always has to happen when she thinks everything’s good and dun dun dun she gets turned into a vampire!! she, tommy(da bf at the time), and his sister were ambushed by vampires. while tommy survived, she and his sister were turned. they decided to stay away from him and let him believe they were dead because one, belle couldn’t control her bloodlust for shit and she didn’t want to end up killing him or sumthin, and two, she was ashamed of what she was. she thought he’d see her as a monster. to this day, belle still hasn’t really come to terms with the fact that she’s a vampire

belle and tommy’s sister have basically been moving from town to town, living in a place until blah blah something goes wrong and they have to move again. the last time they had to move from somewhere was because belle almost killed someone, yay. they’ve been in faulk hollow for about 2 weeks now and she isn’t really aware that there are other things besides vampires out there??? like “ghosts??? ghosts aren’t real”

no daylight ring so ya girl stuck in da dark. BUT if there were some kind of witchy woo out there that’d make one for her... that’d like.. be a nice thing to plot out *eye emoji*

totes drinks blood bags. she a bambi lover and drinking from humans is a huge no-no for her because uh surprise she still has problems with her bloodlust

*  THEO JAMES  &  CISMALE  / /  here we’ve got ANDREI OVCHUKHOV,  the  SEVEN HUNDRED AND THREE  year old VAMPIRE  -  luckily, HE  actually looks about THIRTY-SIX years old.  with a reputation for being  ENDEARING,  VIGOROUS,  IMPETUOUS, and INTEMPERATE, it’s surprising we haven’t heard more about them.  ANDREI has been around faulk hollow for FIFTY-FOUR YEARS, but they ain’t leaving anytime soon. you hear GLORY & GORE by LORDE? that means you’ll see ‘em soon.

he was born into a family of farmers in early 14th century russia. he was the eldest out of six children and his parents were simple, kind people. they struggled to make a living out of their harsh environment but always remained optimistic

things only got harder after his father died of disease. he had to take on the role of the “man” in the house and continued to farm, which mind you, was not at all what he wanted to do. he wanted something more out of life, to be something more. he had such ambition but was tied down to a lesser living by his obligation to family

1351, the black death came to russia. the weakest and less fortunate were contaminated first, so it came to no surprise when one by one, his siblings began dying of the plague. first it was his youngest sister, then it was his brother, and so on. the last person to die was his mother. he’d been by their sides the whole time, not caring if he too would get infected, and took care of them all until their last breath

one night, when andrei was sitting alone in the empty little house, a stranger came knocking at his door. it was storming heavily that night and the woman was looking for shelter. he warned her that the plague still lingered in his home, but oddly enough, she didn’t care. he let her stay and during the short time she was there, andrei basically told her his whole life story. she was an unfamiliar face and he was in dire need of letting out all his pain, so who better to tell than a person he probably wouldn’t ever see again? the next morning, she turned him without permission and without hesitation

at first, andrei had doubts about his vampirism. he didn’t like the idea about having to feed off of humans, but after awhile, all those doubts and sense of moral faded away. he realized that being a vampire was what he’d wanted all along - the abilities, the immortality, all of it. he could get anything he wanted and soon that power started to get to his head. that, and the bad influence his maker was on him. they spent his first century as a vampire together, sometimes as lovers, sometimes not, but in either aspect, she always had some kind of hold over him. she introduced him to the wealthier side of life, to over-indulgence, luxury, all that sha-bang. she created the person he is today. but after awhile, things began to get strained between them and their companionship ended rather abruptly(probs pretty violently too ngl) and to this day, andrei still holds hella negative feelings towards the other

after three centuries of taking lover after lover, partying like the world was gonna end, surrounding himself with luxury and wealth, basically living as the dionysus incarnate, he met yelena vladimirovna. he found her absolutely breathtaking and it found it extremely hard to stay away, even after news of her betrothal got around. the night of her wedding, he seduced her with promises of immortality and ever since then, they’ve been together. that’s his boo yo.

they partied hella and lived an extravagant life for the longest, so when they decided to settle down in faulk hollow, it was a huge change for him. he didn’t really like the boring and subtle lifestyle, but let’s be real, he’d probs do anything for yelena so he dealt with it. but fifty-four years later and he’s starting to get real anxious, he might even start killing people randomly because he’s bored and needs something to do lmao

got a daylight ring wayyy back when. also probs gave one to yelena as some kind of “engagement” ring

can be seen strolling around town in gucci and versace because he’s #extra

[automatismoateo]

The pastor that molested me at 12 Is caught. My parents defended him and still do today! via /r/atheism

Submitted December 08, 2020 at 12:28PM by Natural-Monk-9649 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2L9AUQq) The pastor that molested me at 12 Is caught. My parents defended him and still do today!

This occoured last month. I then confronted my parents about what happened at 12 and they still deny it. After service i went to pee. It was after Sunday school .He came in and called me aside the girls room was empty and told me not to tell anyone about a game we must play fast, i was hesitent and he assured me ill like it but something felt very off.The pastor then tried pulling down my jeans which i protested but he calmed me down a bit by saying "trust me" and put his finger inside me. It felt bad and i started to tear a bit when we heard some foot steps. He pulle out his hands and told me not to tell anyone as God will punish me for it. I didnt till 15 when i was in a fight against my parents over smoking.

So it affected me mentally badly. I cant be alone most guys besides my bf and he had to wait months before we had sex because i used to get angry and anxious if he touched me sexually or any other act similar.It got so bad that at 17 i tried to take my life with pain meds but my mom rused me to the er.

Then last month when i was off work a girl from my former church who also had the same experience messaged me the news. Been pissed, i sent it to my parents who called after.

What was next was shocking to me. They defended him saying its Satans doing as well as "false rape cases" by naughty children. My bf was cooking some food and heard the comotion of me crying and rushed to hear me use foul languages at them. I was sobbing. After all i was put through and finally this bastard got caught with proof and they still dont think im talking truth.

His case is next week. I want to stand trial against him as a witness and so is my friend. Youd be amazed that i spoke to new victims and they small as 9 year old children!

He did this to 6 girls, 3 are adults and one refuses to stand against him because it was so tramtic to her she tried suicide! The rest are between 9 -15 year olds!!!

I may cry on that day. If someone wasnt coming he would have raped me for sure. A child and parents still defend him. This is why im athiest today. I spent big on councelling after but it is working out for me.

He was caught when a lady saw what he did at 61 and screamed. Some guys came in and he hid in the loo. They waited for him and beat the shit outta him. The dad was so angry he broke the door and beat the pastor to bleeding. Still people came to defend him.

Wish me luck for this dark times

Tracine.

[shadyhouse]

ok so. im gonna start off by saying. my bf is great. im glad i met him. we have a lot in common and he likes me for who i am. but. i dont think he should be my bf. i think we should be just friends? ill explain because this sounds like i want to break up with him already when thats not the case at all

basically: hes fucking obsessed with me. he’s very quick to idolize people, ive noticed, and he’s done so with me. its making me VERY nervous because i know how that sort of thing can end. i just... like him. im not in the love stage yet. obviously. we’ve been dating for 3 fucking weeks. but hes constantly telling me “i love you” and pretty much just??? idolizing me???? its freaking me out!!! i dont know how to tell him to cut it out because he gets like this for everyone he likes??? apparently???? and that makes me even MORE nervous bc what if everything he’s said to me has been a lie and hes using me?

he very much does not mean harm. he doesnt know better. he has issues and honestly i understand because i Also have issues but. mine are the complete opposite of his. hes extremely EXTREMELY naive and trusting of strangers, and will tell his whole life story to anyone who will listen. he’s clingy and gets attached very easily. while i am the complete polar opposite. i dont trust a single fucking person. i dont even trust my family. ive only told him maybe 20% about myself where he’s told me like 80% about himself.

when i first met him, he had a car and a job. now? he does not have a job. he got fired a week after we met. he doesnt have a car. yesterday he got into an accident (he’s ok though it was a small accident he just sort of got pushed into a ditch). so no car, no job, nothing. the only reason why my parents liked him is because he had those things and i wasnt associating myself with “losers”. i dont even know what to tell them. he’s seen how bad my parents get and like. i dont think he fully understands how bad they are since hes not abused at home. he doesnt understand that i cant just go “hey im going to his house via Uber!!” because my parents dont trust me or anyone with me.

hes been telling my friends that he’s new to the furry fandom even though hes been in it longer than i have? thats very concerning. he was showing me his old FA profiles and his old RPs on telegram and....... the way he talks to other people is Exactly The Same as how he talks to me. he idolizes people because he never had friends growing up. while i do kind of understand it makes me ANXIOUS AS FUCK because it makes it seem like hes lying when he tells me nice things, because 9 times out of 10 hes said that same thing to someone else. he told me he “actually means it” when he says it to me. but he says that to everyone. ive actually had people lie to me to get in my pants so if hes literally doing this to me i will fucking. never date anyone again. i swear. but hes not, i know hes not.

he has this... hyperfixation... its not a good one though. im not just saying that because i dont like it. im saying that because its literally a BAD TOPIC and he even acknowledges that. it makes him stressed out but its all he ever thinks about. hes not fixated on it because he wants to be, but ill be honest it gets fucking tiring hearing him talk about war and guns and associating Every Little Thing with something terrible like ww1. we were watching fucking ptp and he was associating shit with ww1. ill send him a song, any song at all, and he’ll be like “this has war implications”. it doesnt. hes looking too deep. and he hates it. but he cant stop. i fucking wish he would though because its stressing ME out hearing about it, i cant even imagine what its like for him.

but heres where i start getting anxious....... if i stop dating him, no one else will ever want to date me. its either him or no one. ride or die. and while.... i couldnt fucking care less if im in a relationship or not, it still makes me nervous. those implications. but he makes me fucking feel so paranoid bc he says stuff like “we’re gonna be together forever” and jus t?????? dont????????? please dont i feel so trapped when people say that i feel like i cant get out of it and like. i know he means well. hes not doing it on purpose. hes not purposely manipulating me into staying with him. like i said: he’s idolizing me.

i want to talk to him about this but i have no idea how to go about it because, while hes very understanding of things, i feel like im gonna fuckin ruin him. ive already told him “hey just be yourself” because im not an asshole. but now if im like “hey be yourself but dont say those things to me bc it makes me anxious” when that. literally is himself. lmao.

so yeah i kinda just. want to go back to being friends with him and i dont know how to go about it Please Help i have no one else to talk to but the void about this,

[onlyjihoons]

boyfriend!jaemin pt2

@nananavivienne :  hi mgirl!! if you're taking requests, could you do a boyfriend! jaemin one? i fjkbiabh loved your hyuck one uM i felt personally attacked reading that????

thank you for requesting omg and also for liking my hyuck bf!au im rlly touched aHHHH❤💕💖

so i did a bf!jaemin the last time around and i said that i would do a part 2 so here it is! i do suggest reading the first one first so you can get the hang of what i’m babbling about here hehe

and it has been raining since last night, and the weather rn is super comfy i want to sleep ugh 

hi friends 

we are back w a part 2 of bf!jaemin

shall we start

ok let’s go

so

you and jaemin have been together for like, let’s say, 100 days?

and on friday it was the day of your dance recital and 100 days anniversary

so jaemin wanted to surprise u w lots of things

bc you have been there when he was feeling stressed about debuting etc

but his wallet restricts him from doing so

he specially requested to become the emcee of your dance recital

no doubt all of his fangirls were so hyped bc they could see their oppa on stage

but this oppa is alr yours so they felt stumped but nonetheless excited

yo and get ready for lots of mushy and fluffy stuff so:

bare with me friends

so on that day jaemin would introduce himself (duh)

and all his fangirls were screeching

rip jeno was seated beside them

“to celebrate the eve of seollal, we have our school’s dance majors performing this morning!please put your hands together to welcome them!”

and being a ballet major aka me

ya’ll did a ballet/classical version of Secret by WJSN

its rlly short and ngl you had to rush to backstage to change to the street dance outfit

so jaemin spotted you running to backstage to change and 

gif:

“babe!!!!!!” -clingy jaemin

“why are you like this omg”

“happy 100th babe ;-)”

ngl it totally slipped your mind that it was your 100th day anniversary

“omg im so sorry i totally forgot,, happy 100th to you too oppa!”

and you planted a quick peck on his lips and ran off to go and change cause damn jaemin made you late

as soon as you ran off he was bLuShInG

but its ok bc it was one of the rare times you initiated skinship awh

and after the performance emcee jaemin wrapped up with a very special ending ment

“today is y/n and i’s 100th day anniversary, this might come as a shock to all of us but please give y/n lots of love as much as i do”

gif:

pls don’t kill me

then everybody was cheering and stuff

including the teachers

YOU GUYS ARE COUPLE GOALS TBVH

mark lowkey cried

ok and after the whole fiasco you went backstage and everyone were cheering for you and jaemin

and you hid your face in jaemin’s chest blushing so so hard

yo and he made it worse by holding you closer and burying his head next to yours

save me

after school jaemin brought you to eat

bc eating churros on your 100th anniversary why not

and jaemin followed you home after that

you didn’t know why so you pressed him,

“did you do something wrong, oppa?”

“no”

“then why are you following me all the way back home?”

“because i want to let your parents know that we’re dating”

with that you turned the opposite way

“are you crazy?! my parents don’t want me to date till i’m older! what’s more they will force you to break up with me since it might create scandals with your idol life!”

jaemin’s kind looks dissipated and frowned,

“so you don’t want to be my girlfriend anymore? because of my idol status?”

“n-no..”

“is it because of the hate? y/n! i have told you countless times that i will bear the consequences and no matter what we will be in this together!”

you had nothing to say and you let tears stream down your face

“i thought you would trust me, y/n. i guess not.”

with that he walked off into the distance

ngl you broke down immediately on the staircase of your home 

and you didn’t know how to react

jaemin was not having it nice either

he was holding in his emotions all the way back to his dorm

and when he came back mark sensed it immediately

“jaemin-ah! how was-”

*slam*

mark tried knocking on jaemin’s door several times but to no avail

when jaemin heard mark’s footsteps go away he immediately burst into tears

for an hour or so

then the door opened

it was his roommate, jeno

“what happened?”

“nothing”

“is it regarding y/n?”

and jaemin burst into tears again

his best friend patted him on the back and comforted him many times

basically jaemin and you cried yourselves to sleep

the next day nct dream were excused from school for practice

as soon as jaemin stepped on his hoverboard he felt a sharp pain on his spine

and the usually good jaemin fell off his hoverboard a few times

mark was legit concerned so he alerted his manager 

and he went to the hospital

turns out jaemin had a herniated disc 

luckily sm let him rest and get treated in the hospital

tbh the news spread fast and soon everyone in class were gossiping 

you had no idea why as you tried to call jaemin countless times but he didn’t pick up

and your bff was like

“y/n! did you know what happened to jaemin sunbaenim?”

“uhh no, we kinda fought yesterday”

“he had a herniated disc and he’s in the hospital now”

you literally dropped your books and whipped your phone out of your uniform pocket

“nct dream’s jaemin will not be attending any activities due to his herniated disc”

you literally speed dialed chenle who wasn’t in school

“hello-”

“cHENLE! WHERE IS U”

“woah chill y/n, i’m at practice rn”

“where is jaemin oppa?!?!?”

“he’s at the dorm-”

“DON’T YOU DARE LIE TO ME ZHONG CHENLE TELL ME WHICH HOSPITAL HE IS AT RIGHT NOW 现在，立刻，马上！(now, immediately, right now)”

i’m having the chinese feels rn 

“wow okay y/n i didn’t know you could speak chinese-”

“just tell me or i will skin you alive when i see you”

“okay okay chill he’s at dongdaemun hospital.”

“good ok i love you chenle have a nice day bye”

with that you literally rushed out of school to board a taxi to the hospital

and wow it was snowing and it created traffic

ngl you were super anxious 

and super sorry 

when you reached you bolted out of the taxi and into the hospital

“excuse me may i know which is na jaemin ward?”

“i’m sorry miss, i’m not able to disclose our patient’s personal information-”

“i’m his girlfriend, y/n. please tell me where he is. please.”

“ah y/n! please follow me”

and so you followed the nurse to the swanky part of the hospital

like the vip wards

“jaemin-ssi has been asking for you ever since he has been warded, but please be reminded he is not allowed to move okay?”

you thanked the nurse and entered the ward nervously

“oppa?”

jaemin’s eyes flickered open from his slumber and he was shocked

“y-y/n...”

jaemin was seated upright due to his spine

seeing jaemin in the helpless state made you cry

and you broke down immediately

“y/n! why are you crying?did i do something wrong?”

you just walk over to his bedside and burried your head in his hands and cried

“i’m so sorry if i made you doubt yourself oppa, i have been a really bad girlfriend”

jaemin just smiled and shook his head,

“its okay babe, stop crying. i’m fine now you see?”

as you continued crying jaemin dusted the snow off your puffy jacket and slowly help you take it off

when he saw your uniform underneath he gasped,

“babe!why aren’t you in school?”

“i literally rushed here when i heard the news, and i might have scared chenle a little...”

“you threatened him, did you?

“how did you know?”

gif:

“wow ok”

“what did you do?”

“i said that i will skin him alive if he doesn’t tell me where you were...”

jaemin laughed so hard his sides hurt omg

fastforward 2 months later

you wee in the nct dorms to take care of jaemin after school

bc he’s a literal baby that can’t take care of himself

its actually bc he wanted to see you cook

“baaaaabeeeeee”

“hmm”

“i miss you so much”

“i literally left your side a minute ago”

and you began to whip up some simple dishes

like ramen and sausage and egg

idk and curry too

once you were done you called jaemin over to eat or he would starve to death

“i won’t move unless you give me a kiss”

sneaky

you complied bc injured jaemin is super whiny

when your lips were about to touch jaemin flipped you over to his side

gif:

i shall end it here before i faint

i hope you like it my friends

thank you for reading✨♥

have a nice day/night!

[krykir-blog]

My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~

[lovemesomesurveys]

Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? No. Did you sleep well last night? I slept alright.

Do you have a common first name? I feel like it’s not so common anymore. Growing up there were a lot of Stephanie’s in my class. Who is the one person on your mind right now? My mind feels jumbled. I’m not focused on any one thing. Describe the last dream you had that you can remember. Something involving a dog.

What’s the last song you heard? I don’t remember. Who/What is your favorite cartoon character? I don’t really have one. What is a line from the song you’re listening to right now? I’m watching TV. What is the toughest decision/choice you ever had to make? Health related things. I’m dealing with that now as well. Anything big weighing down on your mind? All the crap I’m dealing with. Any current family issues? No. Do you believe that someone can ever be completely satisfied? I don’t know how many actually reach the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I think people are always striving for the next bigger and better thing. Who is the last friend you spent time with alone outside of school? I’m no longer in school for one thing. I haven’t hung out with a friend since last September. What do you think of your mother? She’s very supportive and loving and I don’t know where I’d be without her. <<< I thought I wrote this cause same. My mom is my rock. Your father? He’s also supportive and has always made sure my brother and I had what we needed and above and beyond when he can. We’re not super close, but we don’t have a bad relationship either. It’s just different than what my mom and I have. She and I have more in common. Your siblings (if there are any)? I have two brothers. My younger brother and I are really close, despite our ten year age difference. My older brother and I aren’t as close, but again it’s not that we have a bad relationship. It’s just different. We don’t see each other very often. My younger brother and I have lived together since he was born, so we’ve been around each other a lot more. How many hours do you spend online a day? Way too many. Don’t really care. <<<< Same. How do you feel about that? It’s whatever. I don’t have a lot to do. Explain your current feelings for your last ex bf/gf: I still care about him, probably always will. I just have finally comes to terms that it wouldn’t work out and I have since moved on. How do you feel about teen relationships? I don’t know? What about relationships in general? I don’t know, man. I feel fine about them? Who’s room of the opposite sex were you in last? When? My brother’s. Earlier. Do you think people have the power to make their own lives better? In some aspects, yes. Some things are out of our control, but I guess you could learn to cope and manage better. I’m not at that point, so I couldn’t tell you. What are your views on homosexuals in general? They’re people. Period. I view people on an individual basis based on how they are as a person and how they are towards me. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? My health. What kind of person are you? The depressed, pessimistic, anxious kind. Do you ever hate yourself? I’m really not fond of myself. Do you ever hate any of your friend(s)? No. What is the most pointless movie that you have ever seen? *shrug* Do you think that everybody deserves a second chance? Logically no, but then I am not logical, though I am a doormat. <<< Same again. Not everyone deserves them, but I give ‘em out anyway. Do you and any of your friends have a ‘song?' No. Where is your favorite place to be? In my bed. What’s the last movie you watched in theaters? Split. The last movie you watched with a friend? I don’t remember. An inside joke between you and your friend(s)? Nah. Honestly, we don’t have any. Who is the most important person in your life right now? My family. Which is more important to you - friends or family? Family. Not that my friends aren’t important, but my family has always been there and always will be. They’ve been through everything. They don’t leave me. They’re my rock, my mom especially.

If you died and went to heaven, what do you think God would say to you? I hope good things. Do you feel like nobody understands you? Yes. Do you feel that you are loved? I know my family loves me. What is your favorite thing to do when you are bored? I do the same stuff everyday regardless of if I’m bored or not. How are you feeling? Right now I just feel tired. What time is it? 9:42PM. Which is worse - smoking, drinking, or drugs? They’re all bad in some way. Smoking can cause cancer. Drinking in excess can cause liver problems or drinking irresponsibly could possibly lead to bad decisions like drinking and driving. Drugs can be deadly and do harm. Is there one person you would seriously kill if you could get away with it? No, there seriously is not. <<< Have you ever had a penpal? Yeah. We did that in 3rd grade. What is your worst fear? That this is how my life will always be and that it will just get worse. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? No. Have you ever played with fire? No. I’m afraid of messing around with it. I won’t light a candle. What is the one thing you want most from life? A purpose. <<< What is the last scary movie that actually scared you? Hmm. I don’t know. I tend to avoid scary movies because of that. Wallpaper on your cell phone? My lock screen is Alexander Skarsgård, and my home screen is Brandie, my chocolate lab. <3 Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My dad. Who was your last text/im from? Arynthya. What’s your favorite number? Eight. What are you listening to? The TV. Last thing you ate? Garlic Parmesan bread bites. What was the last thing you drank? A&W Cream soda. Are you happy right now? No. What’s the last thing someone said to you? ”Goodnight.” Where is your phone? To my right. What color is your hair? Red. If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I feel like I’ve answered this already. Who makes you happiest right now? .... What were you doing at midnight? A survey, I think. What about at eleven? Eleven last night I was Tumblring most likely. That’s what I’m pretty much always doing. What’s the last thing you thought about? What I was doing at eleven. When is your birthday? Not until July. <<< Me, too. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be dyed again, baaaaad. Where does most of your family live? Majority of them lives here. Do you think a relationship can last 6 months without cheating? Yes... What color are your eyes? Brown. What is the one question you get asked a lot? "How are you feeling?” Are you married? No. Tell me why I read that as “mermaid” at first. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? It’s possible. Are you mad at someone right now? No. I’m annoyed with someone right now, though. Do you want any tattoos or piercings? Nah. Do you believe in love? I believe it exists. I just don’t know if I’ll ever experience romantic love from someone, to have that kind of love returned. When was the last time you threw up? It’s been a few years. Do you have a lot on your mind right now? Yeppppp. Have you lost friends in the past year? I’ve drifted apart from everyone. Who is your best friend?: Amanda and Arynthya. I don’t feel close to anyone right now, though. I don’t know if they still consider me their best friend either. Not like I’ve been there for them. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?: No. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?: We wanted to. What other reason. Who have you texted in the last 48 hours: My parents. Shocker, since they’re the only ones I receive texts from or send texts to. Are you in a good mood right now?: No. The phone rings: What do you say? I probably wouldn’t answer. What is wrong with you right now?: Everything.