#im so angry about hearing about dead trans kids

[psychadelic-blasphemy]

Nothing will make you reconsider queerness them being a queer adult and hearing that a child has died. I made it out of high school, I lived, I live in a state where my rights aren't being threatened yet, I'm safe, comparatively, I'm alive.

There is something so unapologetic about being a queer youth. As an adult, on some level, you have to place nice with social norms, I have to tone down my makeup for work, and my outfits in a professional setting, and my hair for a job, but as a kid, there's something more aggressive, more resistant about queerness yet.

And yes, that can make baby gays seem "crings" but that is because they haven't been shed out of their individuality.

So yeah, sometimes they say dumb shit, they're kids, we all say dumb shit, even and especially adults.

Just let the kids be kids, let them be annoying and outspoken and weird. It is a privilege to grow old, you don't get to shame those who might not even get that.

[saintship]

Hey I just wanted to request something real quick and if your not comfortable with doing so don't worry about it 🫶🫶

I've been having so much dysphoria lately and I was thinking about an idea where Price had kept in contact with a trans/non-binary teenager they saved a while back and for when in times they needed help with anything Price gave them his number. So reader has been having a huge dysphoric dip and the stress of school has just been way to much on them lately so they called him up and asked for help. (Assuming reader now lives close to their base.) He drives over and just comforts them and let's them know it's okay and he'll always be their biggest supporter.

I've just been craving some good fluffy comfort with Price and again if you're not comfortable with writing this don't worry its absolutely fine. Have a great day/night 🫶

I’m back!

HI IM SORRRYYYYYYY I PROMISE IM NOT ABANDONING THIS BLOG

And to this anon, I hope you’re alright and just know my blog is a place to be you and you're so cool and rad and awesome :)

I just need you

platonic!Price & trans!reader

Some things just don’t go away. The tugging at your skin, stretching as far up and away from your body as you can, the pacing, the staring. It subsides and returns like a rough coastline, traveling everywhere all at once and yet never reaching anything at all.

It was the night you almost died, fittingly, that you truly started appreciating your own. Trapped in a dead end, several figures closing in fast. You heard their radio crackle with a message to capture instead of kill, and couldn’t process which was worse. It all seemed to blur together from then, until you were tucked into yourself, your head between your knees. You felt a hand at your shoulder, which you scrambled away from.

“Woah, hey..”

A gentle voice made you lift your head ever so slightly, seeing a face you didn’t recognize. The shapes lying still behind him proved he’d taken care of your problem.

“Are you hurt?”

Your words felt caught in your ribcage, a fluttering swarm gathering where your courage should be. You shook your head for the negative.

You simply continued to study him, his gentle eyes, the thread of his beanie, his flag patch.

“Right..” He adjusted his feet, now kneeling down fully on one knee. “It would really help me if you could come to the base so I can get you home, okay? It’s not safe here.”

His eyes searched yours with a reverence that confused you to no end. But you nodded.

“Okay..”

“Okay.” His lips twitched gently into a momentary smile before he helped you to your feet.

The base was cold inside, the walls blank and halls narrow, but he kept a hand on your shoulder from the car to his office, the warmth of his palm soothing.

He'd gotten you home safe, talked with your folks, and given you his office number after many attempts of you refusing.

"Call me. Anytime."

So you did. Most of the time, it was you who wanted to know about his life. Military propaganda be damned, with every phone call you were more inclined to hear more about him and his team, which you were both intimidated by and dying to see in person. The first time you called him for a different reason, you couldn't breathe.

"Hey, kid."

"Price.." His name caught in your throat, another wave of adrenaline shooting up your spine. Your room seemed too small, the floor too abrasive, the air too thick.

"Hey, what's wrong? Do I need to come get you?"

"No..no, I.." You huff, angry at your inability to speak. The frustration only built into the trembling of your hands.

"It's too much..everything...I'm going fucking crazy, I can't take this anymore.." Your voice cracked, and embarrassment flashed over your expression. "Price.."

"You need to breathe. Please. Open your eyes, listen to me."

You hadn't realized your eyes were screwed shut until his words encouraged you to open them gingerly, small spots dotting your vision from the strain.

"I know. I know.. listen, you don't have it easy, no question. But your life's only just started. Do your hear me?"

"Yes.."

"Good. Breathe just like that. It's going to be okay, kid, I've got you."

You breathe shakily, nodding even though he can't see you.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Come outside."

You blinked for a moment before hanging up, forcing your legs to carry you to and out the front door. There he was. Sitting against one of those company-issued trucks that he definitely shouldn't be using for this. For you. But he did.

You don't bother with shoes, your socks largely protecting you from the cold pavement as you walk briskly to him. Before you can bother asking permission, he's got you in his arms, rocking you slowly.

"S'alright.." His voice is softer than it's ever been.

"I didn't mean to bother you, I just-"

"Oi. None of that." He replies immediately, pulling back to rest a hand at the side of your head. "I stayed in touch for a reason. You're a good kid, you deserve someone to call when you get like this, you hear me?"

You nod, too emotional at his words to speak without more tears flowing, before collapsing back into his arms.

"Oh, kid.." he hugs you tightly, letting you take the time to hold onto him.

"I'll always support you. With everything you want to be, and everything you go through. I'm here."

[goremet-chef]

tw for death i just need to get these thoughts out of my head for now

so, my great grandma passed away the other day. i dont feel like i deserve any "sorry for yr loss" shit cuz like.. truth be told i didnt like her that much. she was an old conservative white woman, im sure you know what i mean by that. i used to have to leave the living room to go cry in the bathroom cuz ofthe shit she said about trans people

she didnt know i was trans so maybe if she did it wouldve been different, but regardless

shes dead now, and im just. really dissociated tbh. and a little sad. and a little angry

its just. i mean it sounds so stupid to say "oh death is traumatic for me" because death is traumatic for pretty much everyone i think? its scary. terrifying. and you can never outrun it, no matter what

i mentioned this in a different post, but my fear of death started INCREDIBLY early, like no kid should be scared thinking about that stuff but i was. and i asked her specifically after having a dream where she was like. brutally murdered, i asked her if she was going to die soon and she laughed a little and said no

i was only a little kid back then but it. i dont know how to describe this. knowing that the answer has changed is so... suffocating. death catches up with everyone and every time it proves that in my life i just get more and more stressed

and i mean, i cant lie. i know i didnt like her but i used to. i used to really love her, and i know she really loved me. i was her favorite, im pretty sure. this still hurts. i dont think i deserve any condolences or whatever cuz. i hadnt seen her for a whole year, up until recently. i purposefully stayed home and away instead of visiting cuz i just didnt like being around someone like her. that hasnt changed, but im still glad i got to see her one last time. i saw her apparently 2 days before she died, which is traumatic on its own

my brain has such a hard time processing the.. finality of it. she told me she liked my hair and how it was shorter and it felt good. when we left cuz her morphine was kicking in and she was out of it, i hugged her and told her i loved her, and she said she loved me too. her voice was quiet and whispery, honestly. weak, yknow how it is. she had lung cancer, idk why its always cancer

its scary to have my relatives slowly dropping dead one by one. like.. my family is getting smaller, isnt that terrifying? i dont know how to handle this. i know its a long ways away but my mind is just.. waiting with bated breath for when it takes my nana, and my grandma, and my mom, my siblings. etc

ive tried so hard to come to terms with this thing and it. its all for nothing because no matter how i look at it, no matter the optimism or the peace or WHATEVER, im still terrified of it. its natural, it happens to everyone, every single living thing on this planet will die eventually. its so scary, i dont want to die. i dont want the people i love to die, but its not like i get a say in it

now shes gone, the last moments i spent with her are like.. haunting my brain. and i feel GUILT, especially. i think i was valid in not wanting to see her for so long, i dont feel particularly guilty for that. but i feel guilty that even after all that time, she still loved me. i guess im glad she never knew how i really felt about her

whats even worse? the other day, im assuming the day she died, i overheard my mom talking to her on the phone

and it was like.. idk it made me sick? hearing my mom telling her in this like.. not nonchalant but. not how someone whos grandma is dying real time would sound id imagine. her telling her that shes gotta spread her wings, and go meet grandpa, and watch over us

i dont know if she was dead when my mom said it or not, or maybe she was fading then and there, but. it made me so sad. what if she could hear? i guess she probably wouldnt, the drugs made her very.. gone. but like. if she could, the last thing she wouldve heard was someone telling her shes going to die

how terrifying is that? im still stuck up on that. if i was dying would my mom say something like that to me? i dont wanna think about it

it makes me mad, though

i guess she died on call with my mom but. no one mentioned anything about it until today, and i had to go out of my way to literally ASK if she was dead

why do they keep doing this to me? i have a fucking right to know. they did it with artemis too. when my grandmas cat got put down cuz of her heart failure, NO ONE told me until a few days later when my sibling was like "did you hear about artemis?" and my heart sank cuz.. thats never a good thing to hear and they were like "yeah idk why nobody told you? but grandma put her down"

i still havent really processed her death, i fell back on escapism and dissociation, i dont know if im ready for that yet

why wouldnt you tell me? why dont i have the right to know? why dont they tell me anything anymore, my bedroom is right next to yours

its so frustrating. even if it hurts me, LET IT hurt me. let me grieve and mourn, its what im supposed to do. i cant tell if its a sheltering thing or if they genuinely just. feel like it doesnt matter to tell me or not. its so upsetting man

[cpunkwitch]

I ask that you hear me out bc I've been thinking a lot on this and I think it is a CRUCIAL aspect of understanding community. I'm queer trans mentally and physically disabled, and especially coming from over a decade in the queer community, the angry bitter gatekeeping rhetoric is not helpful to? Anyone??? Definitely not the crip movement or any real disabled person. It absolutely isn't what I was hoping for from seeking community, or what people seeking community need. Im in a lot of disability spaces, and never ONCE have I met a disabled person w mental illness who wasn't ALSO physically disabled as a result of that severe mental illness.

Anxiety keeps your body locked in fight or flight and floods you with "here's danger" hormones (adrenaline, cortisol) that lock muscles, stops the digestive system, causes shakes and blurred vision and panic attacks that mimic heart attacks. It leads to chronic pain, gastroporesis, heart problems. Depression saps all your energy, leaves you with barely enough to walk across a room. Changes the literal way you are able to perceive and process the world around you, changes your hormone and neurotransmitter balance. If it doesn't leave you dead (is suicide not a bodily symptom enough for you?) it leaves you drowning and typically in a place of having lost friends and finances. Executive dysfunction can keep someone locked in place for days, barely able to get water or food or clean themselves for weeks on end. Nevermind if these things go untreated, nevermind the rate of comorbidities with health problems and other mental illness.

There is no such thing as a purely mental disability, that doesnt work via a complex body mind relationship of hormones and muscles. The brain absolutely and completely affects the rest of our bodies, and it not working "correctly" is arguably far more catastrophic than MANY many purely physical disabilities (that can - if one is privileged and genetically lucky enough - come WITHOUT severe mental illness). Circling the wagons to make sure those who Aren't Disabled Enough stay away from a term, stay away from your space, is the same rhetoric used to try to keep trans, ace, nb, any minority not Queer or Marginalized Enough in the Right Ways out of queer spaces and this nebulous idea of limited resources they're stealing. It doesn't protect ANYONE, it sets up a false dichotomy that leaves people questioning themselves and more alienated than ever, and it just gives people something to work themselves into a froth over and waste words and energy and time and people's attention on instead of the real issues facing all of us and the most marginalized in this community.

It does not matter in the real world if a suicidally depressed person calls themselves a crip bc they used to be able to climb mountains and now it's a win to get to the kitchen - if they use resources it shows to that administrator the resources are Needed so they can continue, if they talk over someone they can be asked to instead listen and learn.

Yknow what does have negative real world consequences? Shaming them that they're not Disabled Enough to be part of a community and them killing themselves bc for the 100th time in their life a person told them their struggles weren't legitimate or real enough to count. Ignoring and helping obscure laws being passed taking away trans healthcare, and specifically trans autistic healthcare, that are immediately affecting this community. Riling yourself (and your audience) up indefinitely every time you feel the need to gatekeep some autistic kid and read or share a vitriolic post about what disability and crip REALLY is.

i want people to understand im not trying to exclude anyone. i have mentioned a few times that i aknowledge there are people who's mental disablity and illness contribute to their being physically disabled.

im sorry that my initial post angered a few people, that was not my intent

but i did state in my reblog of that post that the point wasnt to say anyone isnt disabled enough, its to point out that those who actually arent physically disabled need to stop forcing themselves into a space that wasnt made for them.

im sorry if my wording is just that bad, im sorry if i hurt people with how i came off, i dont mean to

and im sorry that i dont have the energy of spoons to read your entire ask here, its a lot of text and i cant read that but im responding from what i did manage to read and im sorry if any of my rants struck the wrong cord with you /g

im too tired for this so im not answering anymore asks about this post

thank you for your time, again sorry for upsetting anyone with my crap wording /g

[nagitolovebug]

Postgame be like:

Hajime: *wakes up from a killing game, probably still exhausted, having to deal with lots of different emotions*

Makoto: Okay so *gives Hajime the baby* this is yours, also congrats on coming out alive! Okay bye!!

Hajime: ???

OJFLJSFJSFSLF YEA PRETTY MUCH

it's genuinely not very fun....

like imagine the guy that you sorta kinda had feelings for but he died and you hate him but you also wanted to understand him so bad and maybe you could've loved him, maybe you do love him, and then you wake up and find out you two have a kid.

izuru purposefully withholds The Memories of bebi bc a) he's possessive, petty, and bitter b) hajime just found out he has an alter ego and alerting hajime of his presence right off the bat might be too much for him and he doesn't wanna destabilize hajime. but then makoto walks in holding a child ("hello, hajime. i'm makoto naegi, i'm with the future foundation and the head of the neo world program project-") and izuru can't stop the memory from surging forward bc he's so angry so hajime just feels a wave of inexplicable rage wash over himself and then vague memories of a familiar (familiar why is it so damn familiar) voice screaming ("don't take my baby, please don't take my baby from me,, izuru help me" ) and it's horrible, it makes hajime's heart ache and then as clear as day he sees makoto's face holding a younger version of the child he's holding now (he hears his own voice- deeper, more subdued) "if any harm comes to either of them-" "i will not let anything happen to komaeda-kun or the child-" "bebi." "bebi, kamukura-kun. I swear on my life." "what is your pathetic life to the safety of my family? pray that your life is all you lose if you break your promise. if there is a single scratch on either of them, I will make sure you and your loved ones suffer before I crush you under my heels. I swear on my life. and that's a promise that holds weight"

/ brief mention of trans male pregnancy under the cut

hajime backs away from makoto, cautiously. he knows from the screams he heard that the child makoto is holding is not his own, and izuru has reason to hate this man. "who are you really? and who's child is that. that's not your baby. what's going on. why does- why does izuru hate you. what did you to us- ....him"

and then bebi points and goes "da?" and hajime feels the swell of longing that doesn't belong to him, and falls over onto his pod.

"hajime...calm down. so- kamukura is still with you?"

"w,what's going on. what's going on??? wh- what did you do to us."

"im not telling you anything until I know who you stole that baby from and why I wanna hurt you so bad"

"hajime, i'm not sure that's the best idea right now, it's too much to take in at once-"

"....alright. Hajime, this is..Bebi Kamukura. your child."

"tell me. now."

"my...what?"

"kamukura-kun had his own life during despair..it lasted quite a few years and he...had a child. this is that child."

"hajime-"

"I- with who? are..are they still alive? are they here?? I...I dont remember anything. this has to be a mistake. how can I not remember my own fucking kid? or this- person, this goddamn soulless demon in my head fucking cared about enough to knock up. fuck."

"can I hold them."

"that's not a good idea"

"they're my fucking kid, aren't they?????? you're telling me I can't hold my own goddamn kid after all this shit you just put me through??????"

"hajime, calm down-"

"don't tell me to calm down! don't you dare tell me to calm down! let me see my baby!"

"hajime-"

and his red eye glows. so makoto complies.

"now."

makoto hands him bebi and he analyzes their face. he feels the buzz at the back of his head turn irrefutably warm and feels the first positive emotion from izuru since he woke up. he sees his own nose, the same down turn of the lips, hair curling slightly and sticking up like his does. but huge and bright grey eyes, swirling a little bit that reminds him of a warm smile and an extended hand, of a look of desperation in a trial room, of the blank, glazed over eyes of a corpse-

-and he lets out a sob.

"it's nagito's. it's nagito's, isn't it?"

"and yours"

"and.....and mine"

"can- can you take them?"

"of course."

"i..I need some-"

"time. of course. take all the time you need. I'll be back soon"

he goes from pod to pod, heart panging at seeing his dead friends again...stopping at nagito's pod and staring at his illuminated face, ghostly pale and surreal in the blue glow. and he places his hand on the pod and slumps over and cries.

"wake up. you have to wake up. you asshole. you let me get you pregnant and then you're gonna leave me here?? we've got a kid, nagito. a beautiful baby. I can't do this by myself- so. please..come back to me"

"why am I even telling you this. you can't hear me. would you even care? I'm not the man you fell in love with. not really. will you even let me see them, when you wake up? did you...really hate me? as much as you said? I. I never hated you, nagito. maybe I even loved you. but we can't figure this out if you don't come back. you have to. for me. for the baby. please."

[yourhero404]

what's up! it's ya boy! got a good one for you i think. "our best friend's dragged us to this super creepy large cemetery, and now they both ditched and it's just us out here with the graves, and oh shit did you hear that? was that coming from the church?" AU with Amajiki and a gender neutral reader? (i would've gone with trans male but i think this should be for everyone to enjoy!! so gender neutral for everybody!!) i imagine that the reader hates being outside in the dark but stays brave!

A/N: Yay, you’re back!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ I love this prompt oh my god askldjfh (also, you’re so sweet ily so much already, im glad to see you♥) (also please forgive me if there’s errors?? I finished this up during work since im swamped this week o o f )

TAMAKI

The two of them walked behind their much rowdier friends, keeping close to one another as their eyes darted to their surroundings. (Y/n) kept their spine abnormally straight with their chest puffed out, though their nervousness was evident by their tight-lipped expression- the same could not be said for their dark-haired counterpart. 

They glanced at him from the corner of their eye, noticing how hunched over his stature was- more than usual, that is. His eyes were swimming with fear, darting around him so fast it was hard to tell just what he was focused on, if he was focused at all. Neither of you paid attention to the pair of braver people in front of you, leading to you staggering backwards after running into a stronger back.

“How ya guys holding up?” Mirio asked, giving them both a thumbs up, despite whatever answer they gave, “Good!”

“Do you remember a time he ever gave us a chance to answer?” you lean towards Tamaki and whisper.

“No, not really,” he mumbled back.

(Y/n) took a moment to actually look around, letting their eyes adjust to the darkness and make out the figures looming in the shadows- the four of them had stopped for some reason that their paranoid mind had tuned out. The moon lit up the backs of tombstones, the breeze caused empty branches to shake, and a large, ominous building sat a few yards away. Their focus fell on that rather than the creepy idea of them being surrounded by the deceased- it was a run down church of some sort and seemingly untouched for decades, vines had taken over as different parts started to crumble and allotted dirt and grime plagued the once crisp, holy walls. Their eyes had to have been playing tricks on them- there was no possible way the curtains in the window pulled themselves shut. They must have been staring for far too long or their body seemed far too stiff, causing Tamaki to lightly brush his fingertips against their wrist to snap them back to reality.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” he asked, letting his fingers linger against their skin, “You seem tense.”

“Tamaki, are you really one to talk?” they teased, trying to reign their brave-faced façade back in, “You’re always tense.”

“Exactly why I’m concerned; I’m always nervous but you… aren’t usually like this,” his voice grew quiet, afraid of crossing a line.

“Ah, it’s nothing…” they laughed half-heartedly, “It’s just uh… just a creepy place to be if you think about it. We’re surrounded by dead people in the middle of the night- wait… what are we even doing here-“ they turned to where Mirio once stood, now blinking in surprise in the realization that he was gone, “Where did Mirio go?”

“He and Nejire left a little while ago- said something about needing to go head back to town to get something…”

“How long ago did they leave?”

“…10 minutes ago-“

“You stood there and let me space off for 10 whole minutes?” they asked, their expression a mixture of confusion and despair.

“I didn’t want to interrupt you incase it upset you…”

They sighed, shaking their head and raising a hand to point at the church- their hand shook violently and concerned Tamaki to the point that he gently pushed their hand down to their side, neither of them realizing just how long he held on to them afterwards.

“That, that’s what I was spacing out on. Doesn’t it seem weird to you?”

“(Y/n), everything about this trip seems weird to me.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong…” they squinted in attempt to focus their vision, honing in on the window they previously saw movement in, “But I… I saw something in there. Actually, I saw the curtain move, not an actual person… but still, I definitely saw something-“

“Please don’t say that,” he stammered with a nervous smile.

“I’m not kidding Tama,” the use of the simple nickname they gave him let him know they meant business, “I watched the curtain pull shut. There’s someone in there.”

He looked between them and the building, slowly shrinking as he folding into himself out of fear. Without warning, he jumped up with a small squeal which caused them to do the same- the wind blowing through the empty branches above them made a soft whistling sound that could be mistaken as a howl. Just as the two of them started to settle down and catch their breath, their attention was turned to the loud calling of a crow, startling them enough to cause shivers down their spines. 

They huddle close together, standing close enough to relish in each others body heat and let silence fall upon them as a comfort. Leaning against the closest tombstone, they felt Tamaki lightly brush his fingertips against their arm, keeping his eyes glued to their shoes; (Y/n) welcomed the action by moving to intertwine their fingers together and smile at the blush that took over their friends face.

“Scared, Tamaki?” they teased, their cheeky smile dropping the instant he looked at them as though they were ridiculous.

“What kind of question was that!” his voice came out shrill, “Besides, you’re scared too!”

“I’m not scared! I’m just… unsettled by the idea of being out here… at night. I already said that.”

“Afraid of the dark?”

“Afraid of what’s in the dark!” they swung their intertwined hands in emphasis, “Think about it- who knows what’s really out here! Anything can come up and-“

“Please stop that,” Tamaki begged once again, cutting them off by placing his free hand over their mouth. 

Both of them took a moment before realizing just how close their bodies had become, causing a blush to spread across every inch of exposed skin between the two of them. Tamaki removed his hand and instead moved to scratch the back of his neck nervously- though (Y/n) kept their hold on his other hand. 

“Sorry…” he started, clearing his throat and staring at the ground, only looking at them with quick glances, “It’s just uh… that story Mirio told us- I don’t want you to accidentally jinx it.”

“Which story? He’s always spouting out nonsense.”

“The one about…” his eyes trained on the church, leaning his face in close to whisper as if something could hear him, “The nun.”

“Uhg,” they whined, “Why did you remind me! Now what I saw made more sense!”

The two of them turn their full attention to the building now, letting their eyes hyper-fixate on any view they may have into the building. 

Recalling the story Mirio made, they envisioned each and every scene, letting it play out in front of their eyes in real time. It was a simple story, really; A soft, gentle nun who was loved amongst everyone had met her untimely end with a brutal swing of the axe held by one angry teenage orphan who couldn’t handle rejection well. But the details Mirio had used to spruce up his story, sound effects and all, set up a terrifying and gory play; (Y/n) and Tamaki both cringed, knowing just what the other had pictured.

“(Y/n)…” Tamaki whispered, “Do you see that? The stain glass window.”

They looked through the colours, watching a dark shadow pass behind the shards of glass on the second floor. It moved from one window to another- the closer it got to the clear window at the front of the building, the tighter their hands held one another’s. Before either of them could process what they had been witnessing, a bright, white figure smacked against the window, a loud, screeching howl following suit. The figure seemed crazed, eyes bulging and mouth opened wide to compensate their scream- Tamaki and (Y/n) noticed the tattered habit it dawned, the fear finally striking their hearts.

Screams bubbled up both of their throats- though Tamaki surprised them almost as much as the ghost had. Watching the ghost of nuns past must have overrode his fear, kicking his hero instincts into high gear- surprisingly strong arms lifted them from the ground, throwing their face against the side of his neck as he carried them bridal style, running in the opposite direction of the church- fighting back a lecture the entire way and settled on simply screaming about how they warned them about jinxing the story as he ran as far away as he could without looking back.

Little did the two of them know, their friends had made their way into that church as (Y/n) and Tamaki had been distracted- stood together and nervously attempted their version of flirting. Mirio and Nejire had planned from the beginning to scare the new awkward friends into staying as close as they could, comforting one another in an attempt to finally get them together- though it seemed to work a little two well. They laughed at their plans, watching as Tamaki had somehow found the courage to whisk (Y/n) away, but what were the two of them watching on the floor above?

[noquirka-blog]

ive always talked about deck in my au but you know whos my other greatest pride...hehe..katsuki

sunny already rps him at @noforfeit and he does portray him splendidly so im thankful 4 that! that being said, follow him. also shou @hoshiumies because...you know. toorus an essential part of decks au

there’s also major personality changes, thought it doesn’t erase his character as a whole. much like deck himself.

ALSO NOTE THAT THE CANON DIVERGENCE IN THIS AU IS the idea that quirks appear at the age of 7, not 4. with this, their relationship was able to grow stronger and they were no doubt best friends as children. it goes a bit shaky, if not entirely wrecked, along middle school. the au takes places in highschool wherein they’re completely separated. kids like eri and shouto however earn them around 4-5, as they’re called early bloomers.

katsuki associates people with certain colors. this is immediately highlighted and used as an essential character trait of his in the first chapter of the story, wherein he associates deck’s childhood self with the color orange as he gave off an extremely warm vibe. hence the line ‘ i don’t recall associating sunsets with suicides ‘ as the time goes, images of izuku would always turn red, hinting to his death/absence.

though untrue, he internally blames himself for his disappearance. he internally battles him with this idea too though and isn’t admitting it verbally except for the instance wherein his death was declared.

 “ What do you mean he’s fucking dead?! “ The snap’s more of a bark than a bite. If there’s anything biting him it’s the fuckfold monster of anxiety that’s formed inside his belly. Katsuki’s teeth grit as he nearly combusts the wooden table, palm meeting said surface. He wasn’t going to believe it. That nerd is anything but dead. “ I’ve known him more than any of you fuckers do! That little shit ain’t the type to fucking die! “ “ We aren’t able to find him anywhere. No one has reported anything either, and with the background about his childhood life given to us, it wouldn’t be uncanny for him to kick the bucket. “ The officer calmly explains, yet you can hear the evident dismay in his voice. “ It’s a case that’s been reported to us many, many times. “ “ I DON’T GIVE A SHIT, IT MEANS YOU FUCKERS AREN’T LOOKING TOO HARD! IZUCHAN’S ANYTHING BUT FUCKING DEAD, HE- “ A harsh, unforgiving smack from his mother’s hand hits him from behind, briefly cutting his boisterous yelling up. “ SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING BRAT! IF THAT KID’S DEATH, IT’S PARTLY YOUR FAULT! “ “ DO YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT, YOU SHITTY OLD HAG? “ The sudden reply takes Mitsuki aback. Her son glares at her with such rage, but it’s more than anger at her for mouthing the idea--- or fact in Katsuki’s head--- out loud. More than rage for carelessly slapping and reminding himself of what he’s done in his face. Red pupils tremble, lips quiver, voice cracking as sobs refuse to leave his lips. For the first time in forever, she witnesses guilt burn in her son’s eyes.

izuchan was his childhood nickname for izuku, not deku! deku was something else he came up with later on. when he got a new bunch of friends outside of izuku, they all disliked how eccentric and odd he was. katsuki was more of the type to follow society than his sincere feelings, so outside, he’d bully izuku along with the others, up to the point that he’d give him another nickname. yet, when they’re alone, he’d treat as if he’s done nothing.

this should denote that even their time as childhood best friends, their relationship was not at all healthy. katsuki’s terrible at handling confrontation and standing up for what is right, easily going with the crowd’s choice for the sake of his own benefits.

katsuki left izuku for several reasons. yes, it may be indeed because he was quirkless and he turned against his back despite so, but there were other factors. he has complicated psychology towards his childhood friend that is perfectly similar to the canon bakugou: the idea that izuku was an embodiment of everything he hated about himself, the inner anxiety of someone as great as bakugou could be easily outwitted by izuku, the idea that someone as pathetic and weak as izuku was still going and that terrifies him because he feels like he could be outwitted, this and that. this’d be an entirely different post but you get the gist!

i thank sunny for this one but he used to have a lot of bandages and scars, as well as eyebags, at the period of looking for izuku. he really went all the way and searched almost twice as hard as inko did, making sure to ask several people and go to places he’d assume he’d be in. it crushed him heavily to find out that he was no longer there and he wasn’t used to not having him there at all.

the image of izuku’s ‘suicide’ is a constant nightmare. in gore-ish detail, it is :

It was a too vivid image of an event that never happened. His skull cracked against the cold pavement, forming a puddle of blood by his side. Tongue lolled out, jaw unhinged. Once vibrant green eyes completely clouded with a grey color and they didn’t close when he died, they stayed open, as if on purpose to bore his dead gaze into Katsuki and pierce that guilt in him like a fucking knife. Flies fly around his body like no one cared about him at all. A burnt notebook labeled ‘ Hero Analysis For the Future ‘ stands by his side, completely drenched in his blood.

He doesn’t say death threats anymore either, the ‘ die ‘ branding is completely torn away from him. The aforementioned scene would appear whenever he does, and he’d remember what would happen if his words went too far. Sometimes, whenever he’d get too angry, he would pause and end up vomiting due to him being able to trigger this said scene. That is to say, no one dares to even make him that angry. It’s only happened once and the entire class got crazy worried.

He’s a lot vehement and aloof than in canon. He’s also a lot more angrier and aggressive, but is still able to be calm. Easier to be vulnerable at times, too.

His concept of heroism changed a bit, and he promises to do shit unlike he did before to prevent things like this from happening.

He’s canonically trans bye

he has a tooth gap because it’s cute

[tumblunni]

Ehh I mostly Really do not like what they did with marvel Loki, and then the movie version in particular. I’ve heard that the recent threequel kinda hits the reset button on the entire thing and reestablishes him and like he actually has a decent brotherly relationship and gets redeemed now?? So like woo! I’m happy for you! EVen if i’m still mostly not interested in this character!

BUT ANYWAY SORRY WHAT WAS I ORIGINALLY MAKING THIS POST ABOUT WHUPS

What i mean is im not particularly interested in marvel loki in any way, but i always thought his movie plot was a really interesting and sad idea. That they TOTALLY WASTED! tho really it’d be wasted even if they pulled it off perfectly cos i still could not get over the general dissonance of ‘wtf loki wasnt his brother he was like twice his age and knew his dad before he was born, and also he was never half anything and always knew he was a jotunn’. Srsly its fuckin weird that in mythology he never had any magic excuse for working with the aesir, he just.. decided to. And he was good. he was one of the good guys. he turned bad later and he was always a morally nebulous comedic trickster man but he was never fuckin... im only here cos i was raised as a human guy. and also im somehow younger than my best friend’s son who was kinda my nephew i guess. srsly he just.. was a giant who.. chose to switch sides. its not a hard plot to do. why did they even feel they had to change that... tho also incidentally historically jotunn didnt mean giant, it was more like ‘chaos spirit’ in practise. loki being like a 4 foot tall angry gremlin wasnt particularly unusual in the mythos so its funny how out of place he is in the marvelverse actually. and also they weren’t all ice but had fire and ice as basically races or countries, and loki was never really stated which one he was, or if he was some sort of neutral aligned one or there were other elemental types that just never got a starring role in any particular story. or in some interpretations the vanir are considered to perhaps be a form of elemental god too, though that’s just an attempt to nail down how exactly they were meant to be different from aesir. Though there are some textbooks that describe loki’s name as coming from fire, that was actually brought up in-universe during one of his adventures where he fought an evil clone of himself named logi, which is the one that actually means fire. and also there was utgard-loki who was an entirely unrelated rival of his, apparantly just because they had the same name and he was pissed about it? anyway other-loki tricked loki into fighting logi who was actually a magic clone made from wildfire, who was by definition unbeatable in eating contests cos fire consumes everything. Also thor had to outdrink a magical ocean guy and got his ass kicked by a grandma that was actually death in disguise and somehow ‘nobody can fight death’ quite literally meant she was a master of suplexes. Also a cat. A cat was there. And they slept in a giant glove. It was a fun myth cos for once thor and loki got their asses kicked and it was kind of a moral about pride and stuff. Damn that other-loki and his gary oak role in my loki life..!!

SORRY SORRY IM GOING OFFTOPIC AGAIN sorry, mythology stuff was kinda my special interest as a kid and i got stupidly pissy about ‘innacuracy’ in something that wasn’t even claiming to be an adaptation, more of a ‘vaguely inspired by the thing’ I guess...

anyway WHAT I ORIGINALLY MEANT LOL is that ‘he never knew he was a monster thing and was raised as a human and got super sad when he found out’ is wildly innacurate and OOC to fuckin everything about this proud-as-fuck magic man who walked around being Aggressively Gay And Trans Erryday and calling odin out on his shit even when he knew he was gonna get his ass kicked. srsly loki never being able to stop being Happy About Himself is kinda what started his actual turn to evil in the myths, he got drunk and couldnt stop telling crude sex jokes and making up dumb rumours about how he was better than all the gods and banged all their wives and also their wives’s husbands btw. And odin was like Hey That Was Even More Loki Than Usual and murdered all loki’s children and locked him in the centre of the earth having his eyes constantly melted out with acid and regrowing and also a snake was eating him and also he was pinned with his dead son’s own guts as chains and also lets punish the wife who wasnt even there and tie her up too forever hugging her screaming hubby and trying to hold the acid out of his eyes with a comically small cup and her increasingly scarred skeleton hands. Because he was rude at a party. Then loki turned evil when he finally escaped and Hey I Think He Might Have Had One Or Two Reasons. Mythology is kinda fucked up sometimes, lol!

... ANYWAY WHERE WAS I, SORRY

loki being a lil emo teen dude who’s sad cos o no i am a monster and my dad never loved me = innacurate, and less interesting than many very interesting things of these myths that i wish they did instead

BUT

if it wasnt a weird attempt to change an already good story then it would be a good story yo!

like srsly there were a lot of particular elements to it that were really distinctive visually and i can see why they ended up being way more popular in fanart even if they were practically never shown again. It was a good idea to give the jotunn more of a distinct physical appearance from the Big Ol Protagonist Gods Of Generic Humanness, that like the one thing they made more accurate than the comics! And the funky blue look is really cool cos its like a fantasy equivelant of aliens, and like.. a cool lookin deep blue that isnt quite the cliche you’d expect for ice guys. And it looks nice with glowy red eyes and those weird patterns like theyre born with tattoos or somethin! And it was an interesting change from the comics to NOT have loki be a half jotunn or anything, he was just a regular jotunn orphan who was ambiguously either spared by odin as the last survivor of the war or stolen away from his real family as some sort of messed up trophy. But just like I Guess They’re Celtic Mythology Changelings Too so he magically ended up looking like a human cos he thought he was one? Which fits pretty cool with his particular magic powers being illusion-based, even though everybody else is all ice guys. (which is funnily enough also myth accurate to how NO OTHER JOTUNNS EVER SEEM TO SHAPESHIFT, GEEZ. srsly its not clear whether its some loki unique power or just a big ol plot hole XD)

And then it added a really cool visual aspect to have basically this guy who was under a glamour his entire life and didnt know it, and gets a really kinda existentially horrifying moment of finding out his face isnt his face?? srsly that was so messed up! you’re standing there and you know this is The Poorly Explained McGuffin That Somehow Powers Up Jotunns I Guess and you’re “dad this is your last chance to stop lying” and HE CONTINUES TO LIE ANYWAY but then whoops u touched the thing and I Guess You Really Was Monsters Poor guy...

BUT THEN MY PONT IS LIKE its so wasted!!! none of that really comes up again after that scene!! and we arent supposed to be sympathetic to loki and he’s just the bad guy and all we get is a twist that he did all his bad guy stuff with the unexpected motive of actually NOT betraying his father but just leading the jotunns to take over asgard and then killing them all and somehow faking being a hero so everyone would accept him back, even though nobody except the dad even knew he was a jotunn and indicated they were gonna kick him out and also why did you suddenly want to murder your brother out of a poorly established jealousy you apparantly always had yet also you still love him and just... uhh?? how was any of this plot meant to work out, dude. Srsly I am SO glad to hear they made his characterization more consistant in the sequels but i really hated the first movie so much i’ll probably never watch them lol. and did we really need to wait like half a decade to get some proper sibling dynamic? im so grossed out by how all the fans of the first movie shipped them and pulled that weird ‘not blood related’ excuse...

WHOOPS IM RAMBLING AGAIN

anyway it sucks that: * we never get to see Cool Blue Monster Loki Design ever again in the film * he’s suddenly evil and does a bunch of shit that doesnt even make sense given the motivation of Sad Because Monster Lies * we dont even get any emotional continuation or conclusion on that one big sad reveal scene that looked like it had so much plot potential * ALL THE JOTUNNS ARE JUST EVIL. At the same time that the film tries to make a moral about loki being bad for wanting to kill them all EVEN THOUGH THATS WHAT THOR DID AT THE BEGINNING * srsly the film starts off with thor being a huge jerk and then he doesnt become more sympathetic until way after loki suddenly turned unsympathetic so we have this void in the middle where we cant root for anyone. and it makes you wonder why they even bothered with SUCH a powerful sympathetic scene for this poor dude! * all the jotunns are evil and just agree to murder all of valhalla for no reason and also none of them even talk except Biological Dad Man, who is also super super evil and doesnt love loki cos Hey We Cant Have Any Complexity Here * also they mixed up the names and called him by myth loki’s mom’s name which I suppose could work if this was the same character who transitioned or something, but this was at a point back when marvel tried to cover up all references to genderfluidity being a literal superpower of loki’s. also they didnt show him having a mum at all and all the female characters were kinda poorly handled so yeah. * loki for no fuckin reason stays loyal to odin even though he just learned he was kidnapped as a kid and has been raised to want to kill his own home village like seriously what the fuck * last minute out of nowhere backstabbing of personalityless evil jotunn dad and yknow.. like the million bazillion jotunns who were all (as far as we know) super happy to have their presumed dead prince come back and perfectly nice to him as a family. like seriously could you not have at least established that they were jerks to him in.. some way? WE SAW SO MUCH OF ODIN BEING A TERRIBLE DAD UNTIL NOW. And he was supposed to be sympathetic! and his last scene up until now was being called out on lying to his adopted son for a bazillion years and the question of his goddamn motives was left wide open so we dont KNOW if he was sympathetic or not, geez! if you cant bother to establish why loki should side with odin then at least establish why he should want to murder his entire biological family right after they ACCEPTED HIM INTO THEIR HOME. They were shown being evil in that they wanted to invade asgard, yeh, but also your protagonist’s main goddamn struggle is about wanting to invade jotunheim and like apparrantly everyone’s being doing this for a bazillion years and there’s not even the slightest hint who started the damn war in the first place... * Don’t kill jotunns thats bad, loki is bad for doing that. But also all jotunns are bad and we can kill them anyway cos they invaded first. Yknow.. due to loki tricking them specifically to kill them. And them believing him cos he’s Kinda The King’s Presumed Dead Son And Seriously Why Does Nobody Talk One Way Another About Whether They’re Happy Or Not That He’s Back * did loki and incorrectly named king guy even have a single sentence together that wasn’t ‘mwahaha we shall Plot Device to Evil Invade’? not like five seconds of ‘fuck i missed my son’ or ‘its awkward to bond again with a son that grew up without me’ or even ‘what was it like to be trapped with our mortal enemies that we all assume are evil and kidnapped you’  * LIKE ACTUALLY WHY WAS THAT NEVER BROUGHT UP? the jotuns didnt fuckin know that loki got adopted by a guy and raised as a human! did any of this make sense from their perspective?? were they not even slightly suspicious when he didnt tell them where he’d been for all those years and also spent all his screentime staying in human form and never showing off that cool special effect evr again?? didnt anyone think maybe he was just an asgardian lying to them? and did nobody recognise him as the son of their mortal enemy and think that was a way bigger reason he might be lying, or even a reason not to trust him even if he was indeed a jotunn with an identity complex...? or hell, did he NOT EVEN TELL THEM HIS BIG BACKSTORY MOTIVE??? did they just think Hey Some Random Asgardian Wants To Betray His Own Kind, That’s Not Suspicious In Any Way? i mean at least that would explain about why Dad 2; The Redaddening literally never mentioned being his damn dad or showed any emotion except Generic Evil... * Anyway none of this matters cos we killed all the jotunns in a justified way even though killing the jotunns is why loki is the bad guy, and then we do some sort of magical segregation power to cut off the path between the worlds so like.. the 5% of not dead guys over there can never appear again and we can have some sort of weird sense of moral high ground. Also loki falls off a cliff and dies, but obviously its a fakeout for the sequel, The End

THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY COOL TO DO WITH THIS PLOT INSTEAD MAYBE: * like fffuckign show goddamn Loki Real if you bothered to invent a new design for the jotunns looking not like humans in the first place... * hey actually explore the kind of existential horror stuff of finding out your preconceived notions about some other realm’s citizens being Inherantly Evil Monsters are all wrong and also you were one of them all along * also like.. actually commit to the plot of them NOT being Inherantly Evil Monsters. like seriously i guess loki was the only not bad one cos he was raised as an asgardian?? and then he immediately switches sides as soon as his orignal nature is revealed, so i guess not. >_> * like man there’s fifty bazillion ways you could have handled trying to stop a war between two sides where neither is evil, and like seriously the dude who’s part of both works could have been the symbol of peace who did that... * also minor note but why is every other jotunn identical and never speaks except loki and Evildad Plotdevice, thats really fuckin stupid * srsly imagine if they had any form of established culture or civilization or anything instead of just Standing In A Field, Being Vaguely Menacing, With No Houses Even Nearby. like srsly their whole world is just generic jrpg dungeon tundras i guess... * imagine all the plots that could come from Not Villain Plot Loki getting to go visit this other country of the monster folks and get a first hand experience on how the citizens live and how they’re not just all enemy soldiers with no damn personality or motive beyond Bad Hatewrong The Anger Things. imagine the fuckin complex plot sads that could come from if he was actually WELCOMED by his birth family and had a dad that had been mourning him for like thirty fuckin years and just wanted to keep him happy and safe. You could have eighty more angsts if the plot of those angsts is Oh Fuck I Was So Wrong About These People And Stood By And Supported This War That Was Killing Them, And Am I A Bad Person Because I Only Found Sympathy For Them After Discovering A Blood Relation? * and like you could still have bad guys, you could have bad guys on both sides who are perpetuating the war and both have to be stopped so this peace can happen. And you can have not bad guys who were suckered in by war propeganda into working for these bad guys, and you have to try and make them reach the same realization that poor loki had forced upon him. * and like.. what if they did explore that one weird throwaway line about not knowing if odin’s motives were sympathy for the last survivor of a massacre, or a desire to steal a kid as a trophy of that same massacre? like maybe odin actually was a war hungry monster back then and his intentions were cruel in kidnapping this kid, but he realized what a horrible mistake he’d been making with his life when he began to see the kid grow up and have just as much of a complexity of emotion and potential for goodness as any of his own people. And the reason he never told loki his past was not because of Plot Device but because of shame for his original motives in this whole sad affair, and guilt in feeling that he could never undo what happened. like ‘oh god maybe the boy will be happier if he never knows he had all the stuff he lost because of me’. And thats also why he could seem distant like he doesnt love him, its feeling like he doesnt deserve to experience this kid’s love after he’s coe to realize the true atrocity of what he did to him.. * and also i dunno maybe the two dads could get At Least One Scene of Actually Talking Together and resolve some damn things... * could even be sad if odin like.. wants biological-dad to kill him so he can atone for his sins, and loki goes bursting in at the last second like WAIT NO ITS A TRAP HE’S TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE DAMMIT and then we find some way to resolve a plot that isnt Action Scenes And All The Bad Guys Die A Lot * also fuck i dont know if u want a ship of monster dude and not monster dude then do the two dads instead of a guy and his adopted brother, thats just gross * also MORE SCREENTIME FOR THE CUTE AND COOL MONSTER LOKI DESIGN. like yo you cant have any form of plot about accepting yourself unless you show his true form like.. more than once. as far as i know it never appears in the sequels even after they give him his super overdue redemption plot :/

^ Dat’s Pretty Neat

srsly it sucks that this is even the only damn screenshot i could get of it like fuckin 0.4 seconds of one damn movie, never shown again

its funny how just by googling it you’ll get like fifty bazillion edited screenshots of what if he stayed that way for the rest of the film and also the sequels and also a bazillion fanarts and fan jotunn ocs and like seriously fuckin EVERYONE likes the cool blue elves design, marvel, use it more often!!

look at this really great fanart by this artist here I can’t say any opinion on the rest of their art tho cos they seem to be one of those people that ship him with his brother.. sigh... >_> still drawing terrible ships elsewhere doesnt make your other art any less talented! thank u for blessing us with Casual Monster Man Knows He Is Cute BECAUSE MARVEL IS TOO COWARD TO DO IT

[joestrummen]

//OoOoEEEOoO RTD WHOOOEeoO (it’s The End of The World !!!)

oh forwards, always forwards then backwards :D

and in this episode we get to see some of nine’s stunning emotional intelligence, demonstrated by taking her to the end of her planet...

I guess he had that sort of thing on his mind, I guess he didn’t know how else to bring it up

>> YOU STEP OUT OF THE TIME MACHINE INTO THE FUTURE AND SEE

>> a corridor

Wow, the music in this episode is…. strange ….

and by the great and the good, I mean the rich

omg the national trust owning the planet, holding the sun back, and the continents in place, but today is the day the money runs out. I love these concepts so much.

well they always are

and again, aside from the whole episode concept: a whole bunch of cool aliens, the likes of which I don’t think I’ve seen in the show in … a while

(flirting with trees, that is what I want in my sci fi)

and AND I love how he seemed to pick up his own little insignificant details (and maybe fan theories?) and take them forward and make them into lovely endogenous plot threads, see Captain Jack Harkness:

this is fast becoming a list of I love this idea !! but wasn’t the last human both hilarious, and rather thoughtful:

rose is very quietly super freaking out and the doctor is…

…dancing to tainted love [head in hands]

:3 rose met a blue girl and asked her her name and where she was from and got excited that they still have plumbers in the future I love rose

you strange goofball mr doctor:

ROSE IS NOT HAPPY THO YOU SHOW THAT MAN WHAT FOR:

I wonder how much he really really needed someone to yell back at him when he gets angry

to let him get it all out

TELL ME WHO YOU ARE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

she called her mam :’S

(aaa I remember how that ended)

!!! casual drop that Cassandra is trans

:o rose called her a bitchy trampoline :( that seemed rather unnecessary and mean

Cheen: Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there is nothing else left?

I can’t remember, did we even know he was the last yet? Isn’t this the episode where he told Rose, at the end, so… we don’t know yet.

BABY

I wish I could experience this without knowing

... uh oh Rose got damselled

NOT TOXIC

boy he really liked that song :’)

THIS IS THE DOCTOR WHO IM HERE FOR

adkfjldhfdjfh did I just love this show cause it’s written by a sassy gay man..?

oh shit son the doctor is about to murder Cassandra

Rose: Help her.

The Doctor: Everything has its time and everything dies.

This shit was dark :0

HOW DID ROSE DEAL WITH THIS GUY

you know seeing heroes when you’re an adult and you … see people differently to what you did when you were a kid is weird because wow who would ever like these asshole heroes

ugh bury me in a fuckign ditch, because then it got emotional:

R: The end of the Earth. It’s gone. We were too busy saving ourselves. No one saw it go. All those years, all that history, and no one was even looking ! It’s just…

(o I wish you could hear the tears in her voice)

Doc: Come with me.

Doc: You think it’ll last forever, people and cars and concrete. But it won’t. One day it’s all gone. Even the sky.

Doc: My planet’s gone. It’s dead. It burned like the Earth. It’s just rocks and dust. Before its time.

(and this is when you see just how fantastic eccleston is)

Rose: What happened?

Doc: There was a war, and we lost.

(and also how fantastic murray gold is. this music is kicking my ass).

Rose: A war with who? [He doesn’t respond] What about your people?

Doc: I’m a Time Lord. I’m the last of the Time Lords. They’re all gone. I’m the only survivor. I’m left travelling on my own, cause there’s no one else.

Rose: There’s me.

Doc: You’ve seen how dangerous it is. D’you wanna go home?

Rose: I don’t know.

[And then she derails into asking for chips].

Sometimes, when I don’t know what to say, other than, this is really fucking good look at this, my liveblogs descend into transcription…

[gay-nihilism]

im going to be blunt, i need to let my frustration out

my aunt has a dead son, and she has a disabled son, which she brings up as the hardest things she’s had to deal with in life. ok. i don’t get involved bc who the fuck am i to do so. i hear her and listen and try to understand how she may feel, but ive never brought up those subjects to her in any of the following ways:

1. rude questions that stem from morbid curiosity

2. negating the validity of her feelings regarding those things

3. telling her i know better than she does about having a dead child, or a disabled child

4. telling her the way she deals with the death of her child or with mothering her other kid is wrong

5. telling her she’s being dramatic or playing the victim when she brings up those subjects

so why does she think it makes sense and that it’s her place to tell me those things when it comes to my being trans, gay, or mentally ill? im just FUCKING wondering because she

1. asks me rude questions stemming from morbid curiosity

2. tells me my feelings on transness, gayness and mental illness aren’t valid

3. tells me she knows better than i do about all of these things (even though she’s experienced exactly none of them)

4. tells me the way I’m dealing with it all is wrong, even though she has absolutely no fucking idea how im dealing with any of it, because all she knows is the shit conversations she forces me to have with her, ones im tired of having but do so anyways at my own expense just so they’ll leave me alone, which doesn’t work anyways because they always end up twisting it somehow – even though i do my best to be calm collected and objective, while pleasing them at the same time – to

5. tell me i’m being dramatic and playing the victim when it comes to what i say about transness, being gay, or mental illness. 

i put up with so much fucking shit like this from straight people, cis people, non-mentally ill / neurotypical people regarding these topics, which i avoid as much as i can because i know nothing good comes from engaging, yet when they force me to engage on their own terms, and make me feel like shit before doing so by prefacing with the first 4 points, when i tell them they dont understand what theyre talking about and that they shouldnt think they know better about someone else’s experience which is vastly different from their own, they have the audacity to tell me im victimising myself? and people wonder why we want them out of our lives 

i want to tell them i want them the FUCK out of my life PRECISELY because, regardless of what they think of me, i dont thrive on playing victim, i thrive on being far away from people who dont know fucking shit who think it’s their god-given right to tell me how to live my life. who are you without your self-appointed superiority and without your need to preach to others that you know what’s best for them better than they do? nobody. who are you without the self-satisfaction you get from badgering and poking and prodding someone with your ignorance to the point of eliciting an angry reaction and then proclaiming yourself as superior and enlightened when you remain calm in a situation that is the definition of emotional manipulation? nobody.

who am i without that? me.

how can they tell me i take everything personally when these subjects extend to millions of people beyond me? if the fact that i care about how their shit affects everyone from black trans women who aren’t “choosing to victimise themselves” when they get murdered for being who they are to mentally ill people who are ostracized and left to die and then slandered for their deaths means that i take things personally then maybe the one who has a fucked up agenda for “not taking things personally” is you.

and tell me who’s the one playing victim when you bring up your dead child as leverage in an argument over dinner with your 20 year old nephew