#im scared to even put this in the tags
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sorry i'm going insane. the post i just reblogged is making me fucking crazy. the symbolism. the fact that druvis is the only person seated next to vertin, potentially foreshadowing the events of chapter 4 where she is the catalyst for so much. schneider looking at vertin but not being next to her. sonetto moving to comfort sotheby indicating her slowly developing desire to connect more with the outside world where before she would have sat quietly with vertin the whole time. vertin sitting alone. the spacing between people.
and then fucking!!! schneider sitting with her sister. comforting her. NOT seeking comfort even though her sister is older. one of marian's last acts is to PRAY and instead of praying with her or indicating that she even feels a need to, she comforts her. schneider's whole existence seems to have been built around self reliance - she doesn't feel like she can rely on god like her family does, clearly she doesn't think she can rely on marian even if we don't know whether that's because she doesn't want to let herself or because she doesn't think marian can comfort her or because she doesn't think she NEEDS comfort, she runs a fucking MAFIA!!!! marian doesn't seem to really have the same awareness of what schneider does so her family can't be involved, schneider is doing this on her own, if she can't believe in god she can at least believe in herself, her own ability to take care of herself and her people even if whatever god may exist will not take care of them. she has faith in herself but not in god. what does that say about her? what does it say about her family and her history that she would rather shoulder the pain of what's happening to her alone the entire time than receive comfort from anyone, even her older sister!!!!! how old is she!!!!!! there are references to her being multiple ages but for all of that marian looks like she's maybe 18 or 19, old enough to be considered ready for some things but not old enough to be confident. schneider looks younger than vertin. yeah she DRESSES older but when you run a mafia you kind of fucking have to, when you're tiny and a girl in the fucking 1920s to get any kind of credibility you have to dress grown up. what if she's like fucking 14 or something!!!!! she's playing grown up games and running stuff and getting shot and bleeding to death and DYING in the storm and flirting with vertin. what if she does that to feel grown up. yes i think she genuinely likes her i would never deny that i ship them so hard but!!!! she honestly comes off like she's acting older than she is. they're fucking BABIES. even if you go with the idea that schneider is like 18 that's still insanely young to be doing what she's doing. girl you are a TEENAGER she shouldn't even be at the club she should be at SCHOOL !!!!!! but of course in the 20s as a poor girl getting any kind of productive education is still extraordinarily difficult. how much time has she actually spent doing normal teenager things. even if she's 18 she still runs a fucking mafia, that doesn't happen overnight, she had to WORK to get to that point. and how much does her family even know!!! like i said it seems like marian doesn't know much of anything about what's going on. i've interpreted what happens as forget me not taking her from whatever normal life she had to hold something over schneider. she is normal!!! of course schneider can't rely on her for comfort!!! she's NORMAL!!!! and our girl in red is NOT!!!!!! and she's DYING the WHOLE TIME!!!!! and she still acts like everything is fine right up until her last moments. she is breaking my heart!!!!!!!
sorry i'm insane about her. i'm crazy. she lives in my brain (literally) so i have THOUGHTS on her
#my personal headcanon is yhat schneider is younger than vertin#idc what canon says lol#she looks tiny#that girl is like 4 foot 9#i don't see her being an adult. like at all#she behaves like shes acting older than she is#like shes taught herself to be older yhan she is#anyway. sorry. im insane#im scared to even put this in the tags#fandom do not eviscerate me i have this girl in my brain she told me the truth i promise#schneider reverse 1999#im crazy.#sonetto reverse 1999#im tagging t as her bc i think that note abt her is important#abt her and the outside world
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im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website
#kai.txt#negativity tw#(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them)#we make gifs and nobody reblogs them#when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds#'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op'#reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something#that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place#we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does#to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting#and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces#go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets#that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases#or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place#but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces#they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either#they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters#im just so fucking tired of the disrespect#and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site#we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.
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lmao this might be classified as crack but au where jeyna is in a pr relationship that gets debunked so they bring piper in to try and launch a more believable jiper but piper's mostly in it cause she was a jeyna nonbeliever and thought reyna was cute - also obviously she sets her bff leo up with her fake bf
#there's something about putting jason in these fake dating situations LMAO#like when I'm done with the valgrace fake dating romantic endgame au I'll move on to this fake dating platonic au I just know it#their platonic love IS everything to me#Im scared to tag the het ships even though I multiship them all to some extent even if just in a platonic soulmates/qpr way#hmm anyways#jason grace#piper mclean#jiper#reyna avila ramirez arellano#jeyna#leo valdez#valgrace
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this show would be good if literally everything about it was different
#read these tags please(unless ur an HH fan in which case please ignore them) >>> I DO NOT LIKE THIS SHOW#i hate viv///ziepop so fucking much its actually unreal. every time i think about her i seethe#been hatewatching it ('legally') nd its awful. like i mean i knew it would be going into it but goddamn. so much worse than i expected#you may be like 'whyd you draw this then'. i wanted to make a finished piece with my redesigns#for funsies me and my boyf have been rewriting/redesigning the whole show . thats been our fun little craft#i feel similar about this that i do about fnaf and miraculous ladybug even tho this is objectively worse in every way#theres this eternal feeling of like. man. if the writers were competent then this concept would be interesting#but theyre not so. here we are#anyway. im gona try not to put hate in the tags lol#but i like how this turned out too much NOT to post it#anyways mutuals please dont unfollow me for this i promise im normal JDSFHJKDFHJDFKHJK#Hazbin Hotel Redesigns#Hazbin Hotel Critical#Angel Dust#Husk#Huskerdust#I guess.#genuinely a little scared to post this ones. im scared ill lose mutuals over this AND/OR fans will harass me for those tags JHKSDFHJKJK#im posting it and then immediately going to sleep. might delete later if even 1 thing goes wrong#EDIT RL QUICK i wanna add: i dont care if you like the show <33 good for you!!! i respect it!! i liked it when i was 14. i just dont now. <#cloudysarts
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if i get a purgatory 3 before the year is out i'm so sorry i'm going to be INSUFFERABLE
#qsmp#local purgatory poster is going to go fucking FERAL sorry!!!!!#like obv i'll tag appropriately and i probably won't put it in the maintag#but REEEEEEEE i have deadass no joke been vodwatching the purgs this past week just organically.....#like i went back to bolas day 1 and crow day 3&4 and i'm starting on some of aimsey's vods#probs that's gonna. have me backwatching panda tho. bc. that's my team.......... and i miss them...... a lot.......#crow day 4 also helped remind me that badboyhalo is The Gringo Ever tho#the raccrow team was a blessing and also had me jumping over to the fuckin event where bad teamed w soarinng#i'mf ucking all over the place i am going through withdrawls#where is the spanglish when i need it. what is happening. im going crazy#i am this close to relearning java via trying to reverse engineer the purgatory disaster mod#you all would be FUCKED if figuring out where to even START wasn't so intimidating#bc i can absolutely 100% make a knockoff purgatory called 'burger sorry' if the fucking forge documentation stops scaring me#once i get over the barrier for entry there will be nothing stopping me#count your days. the purgatory at home could be coming for you. once it stops. scaring me. ahaha.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#long tags
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love me or hate me you cannot deny the vision behind transfem kieran. come on party people pick it up. she is a woman who is naturally more comfortable around other women and is deeply nervous around men. she has no stereotypically "manly" traits that are portrayed to the gang. shes "weak" and she rarely leaves camp, much like the rest of the women. most of her friends in camp are women. she is yelled at and nagged at to work more than the rest of the men (besides maybe bill, sean, and uncle, though theirs is excused by perceived ineptitude or laziness. kieran is perceived as inept maybe, but its honestly rare i find her not working around camp), much like how the other women are pressured to work more than the men. she only gets nervous around other women when she is flirted with because she does not understand that being a woman who loves women is a thing she can be, so when women flirt with her it reinforces her role as a man, thus making her uncomfortable. she mostly pines for mary-beth from afar because being a queer means being a freak and a degenerate in 1899 and such a fine lady as miss gaskill deserves better than a freak and a degenerate!!
#im scared to put this in any tags haha#i guess its like 3am for most americans. hello eu#kieran duffy#i say this but i imagine most fans look at that tag regularly and not much gets posted on it#ah well. i can always turn anon off#welcome to my beautiful mind where i can make any character transfem if i like them enough#even the odriscolls could almost be a metaphor for her closeted self#because the only time we ever see her perform her manly duties properly is amongst odriscolls#when she kills the one to save arthur#but that ones a bit more of a reach i feel idk
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jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,
originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan
#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish#CAUSE IDKKK#sighs @ least they look cute igg#bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs#also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops#i just ?????????#anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means#it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty#not me thoo…..i would neever#cause what kind of sick freak does that#((its me im the sick freak))#no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK#konbart#kart#still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr#NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART#omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ‘dw’ isnt itttt#ughhhhhhh#ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA#i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw#brrrr#i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man#((i say this like i dont draw them everyday))#puppee art#holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman#i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff???#@ least i dont#man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg#HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I
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hate being an artist that likes fictional characters i feel like everytime i post art of a character and tag it the people going through the tag absolutely hate my ass LOL
#like im sure this is the case with a few characters i draw alot#constantly thinking about how theres probably a shit ton of people that despise my interpretations or whatever#like yea i can do whatever i want but likeeee i still have fear of being judged like that in the back of my mind all the time .#even by the people i know#sorry forbeing a freak .💔#i haaate putting my art in main tags but i kinda have to just to make things easier to find on my blog ughhh#its always ''do it scared'' ''do whatever you want forever'' ''make weird art'' and then when i do i feel like I'm gonna have a billion#people side eye me like im a freak#UGHHHHsory#ill explode forever I guess
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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Just learned that Rita of Cascia was born one year after Catherine of Siena died. Bitches so bad that the earth couldn’t handle two of them at the same time
#do you think that at the Final Judgement God will understand when I explain#that I was complimenting His beloved saints by calling them “’bad bitches’?#I think st Rita will at least. she understands my sense of humour at this point. even if probably against her will.#Im ALWAYS terrified to put tags on my posts bc. what if the Catholics that Scare Me find it#but let’s try!#Catherine of Siena#Rita of Cascia
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✨TADA ✨
he’s not happy
well that’s what you get. you know what you did. this is your fault
@tuxibirdie i have you and your stream to thank for this
#guys error really didn’t like that i was drawing this#he killed my ipad and my pen several times as well and crashing my apps 😭#error sans#undertale#sans undertale#undertale au#au undertale#undertale multiverse#mitsusart#undertale au fanart#undertale aus#undertaleau#ut au art#undertale fanart#i don’t know why i’m putting tags im scared of even posting this#but at the same time i kinda wanna draw others with bazongas#error!sans#i’ve never anatomy-ed before and this is the results#id make it bigger for error but uh i am Chicken
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suddenly I have realized my bad habit of procrastinating has become a nearly debilitating fear
#Like#for ex I had an exam due today#I meant to study for it over the week#But every time I sat down to do so I just got really scared and stressed and felt like I wasn’t going to be able to study enough???#And so I couldn’t concentrate and did literally anything else instead and it ruined my entire week bc I was so worried#And anyways I ended up actually studying for the exam for only around 3 hours. TODAY. And took it and sent it in just before midnight.#Which is a very bad habit that I have#I’m pretty sure I did well tho#bc despite the fact I was so worried I wasn’t ready for it that I didn’t GET ready for it#I do actually know the material pretty well#And now I’m sitting here with the knowledge that if I’d sat and just studied even ONE other time this week#I could easily have gotten a 100#And now I’m realizing that I may have anxiety#Which I knew before but like. Now I KNOW#And also a really bad case of I Need To Be Perfect Or The World Will End And Everyone Will Hate Me#also the adhd isn’t helping#So yeah#That’s something that happened#I tend to put things off bc “im not ready” for them in general now that I think abt it. Huh.#evie rambles#Evie rants#It has become a habit of mine to vent in the tumblr tags#Sorry folks#XD
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my social anxiety having ass when i have to do anything that involves ppl that idk
#EVEN IF I DONT HAVE TO TALK TO THEM LIKE ITS SCARY WTF#JAHSKSNSM#social anxiety#social anxious#socially awkward#socially anxious#988blr#im scared#idk what to put here :\#idk how to tag this
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art fight 2024 attacks i did (2/3)
people w/tumblrs [that i could find to tag]:
@artoile
@palaeoh
@laapplepie
@mayor-skeleton
@gaminegay
@foxylovey
@narikine
@mintmoth
@theartbluebox
@thatlethalsoul
@havanillas
@mawwart
@extrasweetcoffee
@theartbluebox
@abeinginsand
@mansymdraws
#cereal tries to draw#art fight#i also havent put them all on insta/cara yet bc. im scared LOL#or at least. i can only do 10 at a time there vs tumblr letting me do 30 at a time so it's quicker here three hits and im done#and even then it took a while bc i was trying to get everyone i could tagged#i did a few on the other sites but i was doing it by person#ill have to break them up differently over there idk we'll see LOL
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more than anything...
#maybe i just crave human touch.#maybe i just crave human interactions. but im too tired and too jaded to trust easily#using pieces of myself to hurt both others and myself. holding myself at a distance from others#scared to be vulnerable. thats always all it boils down to#not wanting others to see parts of myself that are fragile. putting on a mask to seem unflappable#baring parts of myself that are used to the hurt and loss to others instead. so when they accept me it feels like theyre accepting all of me#when in reality even that is a ruse#is it so wrong to want to protect others' positive impressions of me? or at least what they deem to be my good traits#yet im so tired. of being angry and of lying#ive been at this for years now. i can do this for years more#but its so. so sosoooooooooooo tiring#the anger the easygoing the edgy are all so high energy to maintain#but without those... im just a dead creature#arc 3am logs#personal arc#vent in tags
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this is basically my kyle playlist
california girls is rlly carrying the angst so sad((she eants me(2 b loved) is not the sadest song ots just the 1st))
#most if the songs r about alex ngl i love her sm#goodmirbing!! my headaches gone yiipppee!!!!#tgus doodles from yesterday tho lol#i was gonna post it on my kyle doodle acc but like?? not anymore#i drew him kinda leaky srry man#actually no not srry CRY MORE#this guy needs therapy idc what u say#i mean most of them do byt like i will ralk about his silly lil issues hes got sm of those#i feel so bad 4 the ppl i talk 2 omfg#i just talk talk talk & never shut up & THEY DONT TELL ME 2 SHUT UP?? makes me frel bad like oh shit i just yapped @ u im so srry#not even talking about dc all the time#its worse when its dc omg#‘no i like hearing u talk’ like uhm DO U? i can make u regreat that here let me talk about kyle rayner#all the ppl irl having 2 deal w/me shuffling trough comics & me making them see smth on my phone 4 context#i swear i dont talk over ppl ot @ least i rlly try not 2#srry im like sleepy @ am remembering going over 2 1 of my parents friends house &i just talked talked talked#i was ddoung basically a horrible stand up routine#skjfkfkvkkgg#anyaysd kyleee omgg kyle raynerr??!!!#im so srry kyle nation#my kyle tag lmao#kyle rayner#<- is scared#2 put that#dc#puppee art#i think instead of talk talk talk i should say ramble ramble ramble
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