#im scared genuinely frightened right now this has never ever happened

[eddiethehunted]

this edible is giving me the worst high ive ever had like im freaking out because my tongue feels weird and heavy and i can hardly move it and the back of my throat feels so dry and cottony that i am strugglign to swallow my spit dude. ive never had an eidble do this before am i going to die like actually. i feel like i am going to fucking die because my tongue is like not responsive properly. like it IS but i have to think about it really hard. also it made my gag reflex go away because i brushed my teeth and tongue really hard to try and help the cotton feeling and didnt even gag a little bit when i shoved that thang back there wtf. anway i am scared.

also i have had cotton mouth before but this feels like. worse

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

fantastic mr fox: humanising animals, animalising men, and an exploration of masculine identity

‘this story is too predictable.’ / ‘predictable? really? what happens in the end?’ / ‘in the end, we all die. unless you change.’

mr fox, the titular character of wes anderson’s 2009 stop-motion adaptation of roald dahl’s children’s book, is a portrait of two conflicting manifestations of masculinity. he is built to demonstrate the crossover between tradition and modernity, between wild and civilised. characterised as a charming gentleman, almost renowned for his recklessness, mr fox combines his undomesticated instincts with a carefully crafted domestic life. he appears to spend more time manufacturing a perfect home and family than he does actually participating in it. the events of the movie serve to strip away his facade and present both the audience and protagonist with a harsh reality to deal with: the juxtaposing aspects of his identity that he must contend with in order to survive his situation. these aspects are demonstrated through the use of anthropomorphic animals. in essence, the text attempts to convey the message that while you can associate your actions with animal or human traits in order to characterise and frame them, you cannot change their value and their consequences. it serves as a critique of how the nature of male identity is exploited to shunt responsibility, and the movie specifically promotes a more collectivist mentality.

there are four key scenes that mark mr fox’s journey in terms of his identity. initially, we first see his identity openly questioned once he has moved into a new home (a large and expensive tree), just prior to him revealing his ‘master plan’ to kylie, who becomes his assistant of sorts. he asks, ‘why a fox? why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? i’m saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? who am i? and how can a fox ever be happy without, you’ll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth?’ he attributes his identity with the ability to fulfil his base desires, like he could in his youth. aspects of his later life such as employment, family, and safety restrict his ability and leaves him feeling untethered from himself. the movie opens with his youthful vibrance and recklessness, and is quickly contrasted with his dissatisfaction with his job, home, and life in general.

MR FOX

i dont want to live in a hole anymore. it makes me feel poor.

MRS FOX

we are poor, but we’re happy.

MR FOX

comme ci, come ca...

does anyone actually read my column?

having been moved out of the hole and into an expensive tree, mrs fox asks her husband:

MRS FOX

do you still feel poor?

MR FOX

less so.

constructing the ideal domestic space for himself and his family does not satisfy mr fox and he yearns for more, which is where is existentialism and ‘master plan’ come into play. domesticity was never going to satisfy mr fox, as he yearns for something youthful and risky and dazzling, adjectives not usually applied to a quiet and content home life. the consequences of this dissatisfaction are drastic and almost immediate.

soon, having been forced out of his new home and underground by an attack from the farmers, mr fox is faced with a situation he cannot charm his way out of. he attempts to apologise to his son and recite a speech to raise the morale of his family, and both of these attempts are shut down by those around him. the facade of his elaborate home, his monologues, even his suits, are abruptly stripped away leaving him with only his actions which he cannot charm his way out of. the reality is that he and his family, his neighbourhood, is stuck underground with no means of food as a result of his selfish actions. this prompts yet another key scene; his argument with felicity, which begins with her viciously hissing and scratching his face.

MRS FOX

why did you lie to me?

MR FOX

because im a wild animal.

MRS FOX

you are also a husband, and a father.

MR FOX

im trying to tell you the truth about myself.

MRS FOX

i dont care about the truth about yourself. this story is too predictable.

MR FOX

predictable? really? what happens in the end?

MRS FOX

in the end, we all die. unless you change.

mrs fox’s physical attack on her husbands face serves as a display of genuine animal ferocity, making mr fox’s claim to being a ‘wild animal’ appear as a flimsy excuse for his behaviour. his chicken theft, which he was insistent upon regardless of the consequences, was motivated not by animal instincts but a selfish desire to feel a particular version of his own masculinity. disregarding the safety of his family actually seems like a natural byproduct of his master plans because he is trying to reclaim his masculinity from a time before his family existed, and in his eyes, restricted him. the very recent loss of his tail, combined with this conversation with his wife, is a harsh reality check for mr fox in terms of the dangers of his masculinity.

the audience sees the outcome of this conversation later on, in the waterfall scene. here mr fox admits to his insecurities and suggests sacrificing himself to the farmers to save the local community.

MR FOX

darling, maybe they’ll let everyone else live!

…

MR FOX

foxes traditionally like to court danger, hunt prey and outsmart predators, and that’s what im actually good at…i guess at the end of the day im just-

MRS FOX

i know. we’re wild animals.

the difference between this admission to animalism and the one from his argument with felicity is that here, both parties gain some acceptance of their animalism without using it as an excuse for their behaviour. the inclusion of others in animalism – ‘we’re’ wild animals, rather than ‘i am’ a wild animal – contributes to illustrate how wildness is not specific to masculinity. it is not femininity vs masculinity but animals vs man.

the movie also questions the nature of an animal in the final key scene known as ‘canis lupus.’ wes Anderson referred to this scene as ‘the reason im making this movie.’ throughout the movie, mr fox alludes to his ‘phobia of wolves’ and shuts down any conversation surrounding them:

MR FOX

scared? no, i have a phobia of them!...a wolf? what’s with all the wolf talk? can we give it a rest for once?

arguably, these reactions are representative of mr fox’s aversion to competitive masculinity. he shuts down any opportunity for those around him to discuss something he sees as more masculine than himself in order to feel secure in his own masculinity. critic shana mlawski argues that ‘the wolf is described as the wildest, most frightening, and yet most beautiful creature in the world. mr fox fears the wolf and yet wants to be exactly like him. we can thus say that mr fox fears pure, wild masculinity yet also yearns to own it himself.’ the scene holds an eerie familiarity to it; mr fox is recognising something that he thought would be a reflection of himself, but the wild animal is no longer familiar to him anymore. he now accepts his role as a husband and a father and no longer fights to overtly express his animalism in the same way as the wolf. the most he can offer the wolf is raising his fist in solidarity. he calls out to the wolf, ‘i have a phobia of wolves!’, which is an interesting moment to admit this in. it’s his acceptance that allows him to admit this. the scene is entirely compromised of male characters: mr fox, kristofferson, ash, kylie and the wolf. mr fox’s admission to his fear allows him to be vulnerable in front of these people he cares about, and to use this as a teaching moment for the young boys.

MR FOX

what a beautiful creature. wish him luck out there, boys.

here mr fox openly admits his admiration for someone else’s masculinity in front of others without showing signs of his own insecurity. he can admire the wolf for what he is without seeing him as competition. the scene allows the audience to see and directly compare two forms of masculinity and animalism, and to understand that there is no one true expression of either of those traits. the wolf has connotations of violence and ferocity, whereas mr fox and his suit and display of multilingualism are entirely modern, but both are masculine animals who are valid in their own right. either way, both animals rely on violence for survival at times.

kupfer frames violence in three ways: symbolically, structurally and as a narrative essential. there are various forms of violence within this narrative, namely mr fox killing chickens and squabs, and the three farmers’ attack on the animal community. symbolically, mr fox’s chicken theft is attributed to his masculinity. while it is often presented as thought-out ‘master plans’, his desire to enact this violence in the first place supposedly stems from his ‘wild animal’ instincts. he associates a time where he felt secure in his masculinity with his actions at the time (violence). structurally, we see the potential for this violence in the opening scene, where mr fox takes his wife chicken-stealing and they become trapped. he is stuck in a fox trap with his wife when he receives the news of his impending fatherhood, a relatively obvious symbol for his view of fatherhood in general. the news of his wife’s pregnancy disrupts his ability to continue stealing chickens, not just on this specific occasion but through the coming years as well. mr fox appears to view family life as an unfulfilling, less raw expression of his masculinity, and is shown to be wholly dissatisfied with his life.

the violence on the farmers’ behalf is almost always in reaction to mr fox’s violence, already giving it a structural framing. boggis, bunch and bean are referred to early on in the film as the ‘meanest, nastiest and ugliest farmers on the side of the river.’ their violence against mr fox and subsequently the local animal community is an attempt to gain back power and status. mr fox’s actions are “humiliating’ and the local news coverage of this exchange between the farmers and animals raises the stakes as now the reputation of these farmers is on the line as well as their power. violence here serves as a narrative essential because it drives mr fox into a situation that forces him to confront his issues with masculinity and splitting between his animal and human traits, giving the text/movie a fulfilling arc. violence is

introduced as inherently masculine, but is decoupled from masculinity by the ending. mrs fox also plays a small but significant role in this; at various moments in the movie she exhibits her own displays of aggression equal in intensity to the men around her, suggesting to the audience that forms of violence should be categorised as human vs animal rather than male vs female. examples of this behaviour include her clawing at her husband’s face, and a parallel between her and a male human character wherein they both connect two wires and shout ‘contact!’, causing an explosion. while this moment is brief, it highlights a distinct difference between animals being violent and men. humans’ aggression is driven by the need for power, whereas that of animals is driven by the need for survival. the man paralleled with felicity only sparked the explosion to destroy mr fox’s home and assert the dominance of the three farmers, while mrs fox used the same form of violence to enact a plan to save her nephew’s life. petey’s song even alludes to this sentiment: ‘well he stole, and he cheated, and he lied just to survive.’

mr fox’s tail becomes a symbol of power; bean wears it as a necktie, and mr fox feels emasculated by his loss.

MR FOX

one of those slovenly farmers is probably wearing my tail as a necktie right now.

…

BADGER

i cant even imagine how painful, even just emotionally, that must be for you… oh but foxy how humiliating, having your tail blown clean off by-

MR FOX

can we drop it?

the use of the tail as a necktie is a symbol of the power that mr fox and the farmers end up jostling to achieve: at first it belongs to mr fox, then to the farmers, and is eventually reclaimed once more by the fox.

MR FOX

you shot off my tail.

[through gritted teeth] i’m not leaving here without that necktie.

when he reclaims his tail towards the end of the movie, it has been torn to shreds and needs ‘dry cleaning twice a week’ to maintain itself. this can be interpreted as a symbol for his evolved definitions of masculinity and power: his masculinity is no longer defined by impressing people or stealing or killing chickens, but in the quiet satisfaction of having a family. the final scene reveals that mrs fox is pregnant again, and instead of her glowing and her husband giving an awkward grin like in the opening scene, both of the spouses ‘glow.’ the structural framing of these pregnancy reveals bookending the events of the movie allows anderson to demonstrate mr fox’s growth and change in his priorities. the domestic life appears to be enough for him, and he no longer seems to find it emasculating,

what stands out as particularly modern about mr fox is how he unconsciously separates himself from both his wildness and his suburban self in his effort to combine them. he uses his ‘wildness’ as an excuse for his violence and selfishness, but is ultimately not willing to participate in truly wild forms of violence and selfishness, such has hunting. his chicken thefts always include infiltrating a human site, like boggis, bunce and bean’s farms, and the fun of it is in outsmarting them, rather than finding those animals himself out in the wild. the local animal community essentially functions as we would expect a rural village occupied by humans to function: everyone knows everyone, there is one local school and various small and quaint homes. while the setting reflects anderson’s signature style, it is also reflective of dahl’s framing of the community in the original text.

mr fox comes across as an individual who believes himself to be above the somewhat backward mentality of his village, that he is the most civilised and dazzling and original, and he exaggerates these traits in himself out of insecurity: ‘if they arent dazzled and blown away and kind of intimidated by me, then i dont feel good about myself.’this is also reflected in his consistent ‘trademark’, his whistle-and-click combination that he uses to set himself apart from other foxes. his home is also a reflection of this:

MRS FOX

you know, foxes live in holes for a reason.

MR FOX

[grunts and tilts head in disagreement]

yes and no.

this insecurity and desire for outsider approval and individuality is inherently human, a quality of his that cannot really be associated with his animalised parts. this precarious sense of identity and self doubt separates him from his ‘wildness’ as it stands, which is only intensified by the fact that he compensates by exaggerating his human traits in order to be liked and feel worthy, as those are the traits he believes have the most value. towards the end of mr fox’s character arc, he is forced to admit that his need for external validation is flawed and unsustainable. when the façade of carefully constructed grandeur is literally washed away by bean, he is left with nothing but his actions and their implications for those around him. foxy reconciles with the relative insignificance of an identity based on other’s perceptions of you when rat dies soon after, reacting to the suggestion that he redeemed himself last minute by revealing ash’s location:

MR FOX

redemption? sure. but in the end, he’s just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a chinese restaurant.

this moment is also used to inadvertently allow the audience to evaluate the significance of motivation and intention to the value of an action. although rat did reveal useful information to aid the group in saving Kristofferson, mr fox recognises that he only did so because he realised he could not win this fight.

MR FOX

would you have told me if i didn’t kill you first?

RAT

never.

mr fox’s own motivations throughout the movie have devalued his actions as they have mostly been self-serving. as his motivations evolve to centre around his family, he gains the perspective to understand why one’s intentions are so important. while intention does not entirely dictate how good one’s actions are, they certainly characterise the person who’s action it is. your actions have value and consequences as they are, and that cannot be changed by dressing them up or animalising them to distance yourself.

in essence, fantastic mr fox is a lesson in the value of including those around you in your mentality and worldview. it paints masculinity as something that is inherent and complex in nature, but promotes the idea that it is not stuck with its traditional connotations of violence and egoism. mr fox’s emotional development throughout the text mostly centres around his own insecurities surrounding his masculinity and how that causes him to overcompensate in ways that harm those around him. by the end he recognises that more tame and domestic forms of masculinity are just as valid, and that basing his self-worth on how ‘dazzled’ his peers are by him is immature and not constructive. his family now liberates him and allows him to be vulnerable rather than restricting how he feels he can express himself, and as a unit the animals beat the farmers in their game of power-seeking. mr fox recognises and appreciates both his human and animal traits, without using them as a means to excuse his behaviour or to feel bad about his worth.

MR FOX

i guess my point is, we’ll eat tonight, and we’ll eat together. and even in this not particularly flattering light, you are without a doubt the five and a half most wonderful wild animals ive ever met in my life. so let’s raise our boxes – to our survival.

i.k.b

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Four (Harry Styles)

a/n: happy TLABL day!! can’t believe we are already on part 4! im not sure if part 5 will be the last part, im still very much writing the rest so we’ll see! thank you so much for all the love you’ve been showing the series, i love reading your reactions! feedback is very much appreciated this time as well!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck or at least consumed a whole bottle of tequila. Your head is pounding and it’s probably with all the crying and stress, so you are quick to take some pills to ease the pain. Sitting on the edge of your bed you stare ahead of you blankly, trying to gain power to start the day.

Though today is Sunday, so you are not working, you’re still worried to face Harry after whatever it was that happened last night. What were you thinking, kissing your boss out of the blue? And what was he thinking kissing you for the second time? It kind of feels like a dream, but you know it really did happen.

You try to stay in your room as long as possible, avoiding to face Harry, but soon enough you can’t postpone it any longer, because you are starving. Peeking out of your room you hear voices coming from downstairs and as you reach the stairs you recognize not just Harry’s and Izzy’s voice, but Niall’s as well.

Arriving downstairs you see Niall and Izzy sitting on the stools at the kitchen island while Harry is cleaning the dishes after their breakfast probably. He is wearing a pair of light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, the sleeves bunched around his elbows. He looks so casual and yet just looking at him makes your heart skip a beat. You are in some big trouble.

Niall spots you first and he perks up waving in your way happily.

“Good morning, Y/N!” he beams, his accent sounds so comforting in such a stressful moment, for some reason.

“Hi, good morning,” you breathe out. Harry turns around, his eyes fall on you and a shiver runs down your spine. He just looked at you and you already want to run away and hide in your room a little longer.

“Morning,” he greets you with a nod before turning back to the sink to finish the dishes.

“Daddy and Uncle Niall are taking me to the park! We are picking Yara up too!” Izzy shares the news with you excitedly.

“Oh, that sounds great!” you smile at her, giving her cheek a gentle pinch before moving to the fridge.

“Do you want to come?” she invites you and your eyes immediately flicker over to Harry who looks at you the exact same time, making your stomach drop right away.

“Um, I have some work to do, maybe some other time,” you smile at Izzy, grabbing yourself a yoghurt and a banana before shutting the fridge closed.

“So how was yesterday?” Niall asks and you freeze. Does he know what happened? Did Harry tell him about last night?

Niall sees your frightened look to which he shoots you a confused one.

“The wedding, Harry told me earlier you had a wedding yesterday.”

“Oh, it went… fine,” you nod shortly, peeking at Harry who is now staring down at his feet awkwardly. This was starting to get painfully ridiculous, the two of you dancing around each other, pretending like you weren’t down each other’s throats just a few hours prior.

“Alright, let’s leave, we need to pick Yara up in twenty,” Harry claps his hands. Izzy jumps off the stool and takes Niall’s hand as they all head out of the house. “We’ll probably have lunch somewhere and then go grocery shopping, so we’ll be away for a while,” he informs you without looking your way before leaving without even waiting for any reaction from you.

Yeah, this was straight up the most awkward conversation you’ve had in a long time.

“Here, Izzy. Play some games on my phone!” Niall passes his phone to her with a sweet smile, but Harry smacks his bicep.

“What are you doing? She has enough screen time already!”

“Yeah, but I needed her to be busy so I can ask you what the fuck was that in the house.”

Harry curls his lips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the road ahead of him as he tries to come up with a good answer, but he knows he could never fool his best friend.

“Don’t stop, even if she is busy with the phone,” Harry scolds him, glancing at Izzy through the mirror, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to them. Niall rolls his eyes, but lets his words uncommented. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you exactly know it. You and Y/N were like scared little bunnies around each other. She looked like she was about to faint any moment when you looked at her.”

“Maybe she was just tired,” he shrugs, but Niall laughs at his weak attempt to fool him.

“Now tell me the real reason, I know something happened.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, debating whether he should come clean or not, but he knows Niall won’t leave him until he finally tells him so he is not left with many choices.

“We kissed.”

“What?!” Niall snaps, a little louder than Harry expected, his voice makes him flinch. “Sorry, that was a little too dramatic, but what the fuck? Why were you keeping this from me?!”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” Harry mumbles under his breath. “And… I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole thing was a mess,” Harry sighs. “She came home late, pretty upset because she met with her ex at the wedding.”

“The one that cheated on her?”

“Mhm. The dude was an asshole and… she was crying in the kitchen when I came down. We sat on the couch, talked, I tried to calm her down and all that and then… she kissed me.”

“Wait, she kissed you? Wow, she’s got balls!” Niall laughs.

“Yeah, but it was, like, really short and she pulled back, shocked at herself for doing it. I think it was just all the emotions that got her a little confused. But then she tried to apologize and… and I kissed her.”

“What?! Oh my God!” Niall’s mind is blown and he doesn’t even tries to hide his excitement hearing the news about last night. “Was there tongue?”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry scowls. “I’m not sharing the details with you.”

“Okay, but was it like a solid, short kiss or you guys went right at it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, but it tells enough about the situation and Niall can’t help but whistle as he claps his hands.

“Stop acting like a horny teenager, Niall,” Harry growls rolling his eyes at his friend.

“So you guys snogged, what’s the matter with that?”

“It got awkward. We just pulled back and I think we both were pretty shocked about it and… she just stood up and said that she is going to bed. End of story. And then you were there in the morning, so… yeah.”

“Tell me why the hell we are heading to a playdate then when you should be talking to her?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow at Harry.

“There’s not much to talk about. It just happened in the heat of the moment, that’s all,” Harry shrugs, but deep down he knows it’s a blatant lie. At least on his side.

Unlike you, who fell asleep right away, Harry spent about an hour lying in his bed wide awake, not able to think about anything else but your lips on his. He replayed the whole thing in his head about a million times, he was starting to feel ashamed of it, but he just couldn’t stop.

Your abrupt leaving left him puzzled and he thought long and hard about why you felt the need to run away. The only thing that made sense to him is that you regretted it the moment it happened, that it really did just happen in the heat of the moment so Harry thought it’s best to act like it didn’t even happen.

“Please don’t be an ass and just… talk to her. We both know we can never know for sure what a woman thinks about. You can’t just assume and think that your assumption is one hundred percent right.”

“I find it funny that you’re such an expert in this stuff, but you haven’t had a stable relationship since like, we finished college,” Harry scoffs as he takes the corner and starts driving down the street to Yara’s moms’ house.

“Me not having a relationship doesn’t mean that I’m not good at them. It’s a choice,” Niall smirks.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“But back to the topic, you wanted to kiss her, right?”

“I mean, yeah? It kinda threw me off as well, but it was… nice.”

“Please don’t refer to a kiss as nice again,” Niall gags, but Harry just chuckles at him. “A kiss is hot, passionate, pant tighteni—“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Harry cuts him, earning a cackle from him.

“Just talk to her, don’t be a pussy.”

“I really do need better friends,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he pulls up to the driveway.

You really didn’t feel like staying home alone in that big ass house so you invited yourself over for an early dinner to your mom’s. You haven’t been over since the little fiasco with Trevor so you thought it might be a good idea to spend some time with them. Trevor said they’ve been trying to keep the fighting down to the minimum and not let it turn into a screaming match, so your speech worked after all.

It’s past three o’clock when you leave, no sign of Harry or Izzy and you feel like they won’t be back for a while either, so you lock everything up and head out.

You have a genuinely good time. It’s obvious that your mom feels guilty about her past behavior and is trying to lure you into forgiving her, though you already did that. But you’re happy your little speech worked. At least Trevor can have his peace now.

After dinner your mom disappears in her room and then returns with a nicely wrapped box and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Mom, I told you I don’t need gifts.” You give her a look. Your birthday is coming up next week, but you were never the kind to celebrate. You never felt comfortable with all the attention and fuss birthdays come with, so you’ve always liked to keep it down. These past years you didn’t even ask for anything, though your parents never listened and this year doesn’t seem like an exception either.

“Oh hush. You can’t expect me not to celebrate my baby!” she shakes her head, sitting back to the dining table. “And besides, I didn’t pay a dollar for it,” she then adds and now you’re curious what she got you.

Removing the lid of the box you peek inside and your lips immediately part as you see the stack of polaroids inside.

“I know how much you like old photos and when we sold Grandma’s house back in August, I found these in my old room. I got a polaroid camera for graduation, just in time to take tons of pictures of you,” she explains with a soft chuckle as you start going through the pictures from when you were born and the next few years. Whenever you are done looking at a photo you hand it to Trevor so he can take a look at them too.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep these, mom?” you ask glancing up at her over the stack.

“I took out a few for myself,” she admits with a sneaky smile. “You can have the rest, I know how much you love these stuff.”

“Thank you, mom,” you smile at her, hugging her from the side, feeling touched by this gift.

It’s nearing eight when you arrive back home, the lights are still up and if you had to guess you’d say that Harry is trying to tire Izzy out enough to put to bed, as usual. Walking in, your guess is proven right, the TV is on in the living room while Harry is sitting on the couch, Izzy all over him in her pink pajamas, playing around with his hair like she always does.

“Hi Y/N!” she calls out happily when she spots you.

“Hi Sunshine, did you have a good time today?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I did! And guess what!”

“What?”

“Yara invited me over for a sleepover!” she beams, clearly ecstatic about the invitation.

“That’s amazing!”

“What’s that?” she curiously asks pointing at the gift box in your hands. Harry turns to see you, his eyes falling on the box as well.

“Oh, it’s a gift I got from my mom,” you explain, stepping closer.

“Is it your birthday?” she questions, knitting her eyebrows together.

“No, not yet. But it will be next week,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Really? Are you having a birthday party?” she gasps, getting way too excited already. Harry eyes you without a word, holding Izzy by her hips so she is not losing her balance standing on the cushion of the couch.

“I’m not, sorry. I don’t like having birthday parties,” you pout at her apologetically.

“Oh, okay. Can I see what you got from your mom?”

“Izzy, don’t be nosy,” Harry warns her, but you just smile at the curious girl.

“Sure,” you nod, joining them on the couch. You sit on the opposite end than where Harry is, Izzy in the middle as she watches the box in awe. You set it down to the cushion and take the lid off, revealing the stack of photos.

“What are these?”

“They are called polaroids. They are old pictures, taken with a special camera that kind of prints the picture out right away,” you explain to her as she takes the first photo from the top, a picture of your mom holding you as a newborn. She was so young, practically a child herself, yet her pride was undeniable, it shone all over her face.  You spot Harry looking at the picture as well over Izzy’s shoulder, still keeping his silence.

“Who are these people?”

“That’s my mom and that’s me as a baby. And… this is my dad,” you hold up another photo that features your dad.

“They really were young when they had you,” Harry speaks up for the first time, surprised by the photos.

“Yeah, they were.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Izzy questions, dropping the photo back into the box as she leans back to lie on Harry’s chest.

“Not sure yet. I might make an album from them,” you shrug. “I really like polaroids, I love that they are one of a kind.”

Izzy nods, though you’re not sure she understood what you meant by that. Fidgeting with her fingers she pushes down a yawn and Harry takes that as a good sign.

“Alright, time for bed, Love. Say good night to Y/N.” He picks her up as he stands from the couch. Izzy waves at you smiling with tired eyes.

“Night-night, Y/N,” she singsongs as Harry carries her towards the stairs.

Putting the pictures back into the box you head into your bedroom too, feeling like the time when you and Harry talk about what happened yesterday will never come. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so you’ll just let it slip. It happened just in the heat of the moment, didn’t mean a thing, you better forget about it.

After a speedy shower you are getting ready to just go to bed, read some and have a relaxing evening, something you didn’t have the luck to have the day before. But right as you’re about to make yourself comfortable in bed, there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you breathe out as you open it and find Harry standing in the hallway.

“I hope you weren’t sleeping already.”

“No. Come on in,” you invite him inside and he walks in. As he awkwardly stops in the middle of the room you realize he hasn’t even been in here since you’ve moved in. He takes a look around, examining what you’ve done with the room and you feel thankful you decided to put your laundry away just yesterday, so no dirty underwear is littering the floor anywhere.

“How can I help you?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I, erm… I just wanted to clear some things,” he starts, clearly feeling nervous about the conversation and that makes the two of you for sure. Nodding you let him know that you’re waiting for him to carry on. “What happened yesterday…” he starts and your breath gets caught in your throat. “You were very emotional, a lot happened and it was a very confusing moment probably for the both of us. I really like working with you, I’m very happy with the way you’ve been taking care of Izzy and I would hate to ruin it with anything.”

You can feel your stomach dropping even though you were bracing yourself for this version of the situation. It was very likely that Harry would want to keep things professional, like before, but it still makes you feel like shit.

“I’m sorry for stepping over some boundaries, but I really hope that… we can put it behind us and that we can move on.”

He is using his business tone. It’s the same tone he used with Sarah and his assistants and now he is using it to talk about the kiss that happened between the two of you.

“Sure,” you answer quietly nodding. “Moving on sounds… great,” you nod, forcing a smile to your face, but it couldn’t be more fake.

Harry nods as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking around a little awkwardly now that it’s been discussed.

“Alright, then… good night, Y/N,” he nods in your way before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble after him as he walks out and closes the door behind him.

As soon as you are on your own, you let out a shaky breath, falling to your bed, lips trembling as you try to even make out what you’re feeling. Because part of you is glad he didn’t make a fuss about it and you didn’t lose your job, that’s great news. But another part, which is vehemently bigger than the first one is upset and sad and… disappointed?

You were hoping it meant something for him, you wanted him to want it, to feel the same craving for you as you feel towards him, because you haven’t really stopped thinking about what his lips felt like against yours, what it was like when his fingers dug into your thigh, how it sent a shiver down your spine when his tongue met yours.

But this conversation just made it awfully clear that he wants nothing to do with you. And it hurts probably more than it should.

 Harry doesn’t get too far from your door when he feels the all too familiar pain in his chest he has been forced to live with these past over three years. It’s like something is gripping his heart and lungs in his chest so tight, even breathing is a hard task.

Rushing into his bedroom he closes the door behind him and slides down to the floor as the tears flood from his eyes. The past twenty-four hours have been rough on him, the guilt has been growing immensely since he let himself slip and give in for his desires and eventually kiss you.

It’s not that he didn’t want it. Because he’d be lying if he said it meant nothing to him and that he hasn’t been craving it these past weeks.

But his guilt, this evil little voice in the back of his head wouldn’t let him enjoy it even the slightest.

How dare you kiss another woman after your wife? Are you insane? You don’t deserve to feel this way with anyone else. Not when you were the reason your wife ended up dead!

Heartbreaking sobs escape from his chest as he pushes himself up from the floor and heads into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes leaving them all in a pile on the marble tiled floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water pour down on him, almost burning his skin, but he doesn’t change the temperature, as if he was trying to punish himself. His salty tears mix with the water as he stands still, chest heaving as his vivid memories from that night come crashing down on him all at once.

“Are you giving me the silent treatment now? Really?” Harry sighed at his wife when she failed to answer his question about the whereabouts of his sweatpants. Maggie sat on the bed with the recent maternity book she’d been reading these past days, not even paying her husband a look at his question.

“Mags, for fuck’s sake, I’m not in the mood to play this game right now,” Harry sighed in defeat. Maggie looked up at him, closed the book slowly and put it aside to the bedside table.

“So the question of expanding our family is just a game to you?” she asked calmly, but her anger and disappointment in her husband was soaking through her tone.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No, you are not talking about anything, because you refuse to have a fucking conversation with me!” she retorted, letting all her bottled up anger out that’d been boiling inside her.

“I already told you that I can’t think about having another baby right now. Izzy is only six, I’m in the middle of a huge project, I don’t have the capacity to think about having another baby, Maggie. I thought I made it clear, why are you still onto me then?”

“Because it’s not something we can put aside for too long! I don’t want to have another baby when I’m in my mid-thirties, but if we go with your plan, we won’t even have another one!” Maggie jumped to her feet, pacing the floor back and forth next to their bed as Harry stood with his hands on his hips, getting irritated that they were fighting over the same thing again.

“I never said we can’t have another baby, but why can’t we wait a little? When Izzy is older and more independent? Do you have any idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and a toddler? It’s a fucking nightmare!” Harry growled rolling his eyes.

“So our family is just a pain in the ass for you?” Maggie questioned, folding her arms on her chest and she was really getting on Harry’s nerves, twisting his words completely.

“That’s not what I said!” he snapped. “All I’m asking for is you to be a little patient and give me some time!”

“I don’t have time, Harry! I want it as soon as possible!”

“Why are you so fucking difficult?” Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why can’t you wait just… one year at least? Is that too much to ask?”

“And is it too much to ask to focus on your family? We are supposed to come first!” she turned it back around and Harry was not having the dirty games she was playing, putting all the blame on him when she could have been a little more understanding as well. He was feeling like his opinion was put aside and didn’t matter at all.

“You do come first, you don’t have the right to question that.” Harry pointed at Maggie, his blood practically boiling at this point.

“Then why do I feel like work is always more important to you?”

“What are you talking about? You know I’m home as much as I can, but we still need the fucking money, Maggie! Or how do you plan on paying the bills of this fucking mansion?!”

“I don’t need a mansion! I just need my family and that’s all!” she argued, but Harry rolled his eyes at her.

“Well you seem to enjoy this mansion a lot when you sit by the pool and watch movies in the fucking movie theater in your own home!” he snapped back feistily. “Stop acting like I don’t do shit for our family when I work my ass off to provide the best possible life. And all I’m asking for in return is some fucking time before we bring another baby into the picture!”

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maggie shook her head as she marched past him, walking away from the fight that just grinded his gears even more.

Just as Harry was about to go after her, he heard the faint crying through the baby monitor. Groaning he headed into Izzy’s room and as he took her out of her crib, he heard the front door open and shut.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” he cooed, hugging the crying little girl to his chest who clung onto him immediately. Even at such a young age, Izzy was already a daddy’s little girl.

Soon her cries died down to just little hiccups as Harry soothed her, patting her bum and back gently as he moved around the room. Holding Izzy in one arm he grabbed his phone with his free hand and typed a message to his wife.

Harry: Where did you go?!

Maggie: I’m going over to my sister’s. Don’t wait up, might get home late.

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. She called him out for running away from the conversation, but when they were finally talking about it she just decided to disappear when it didn’t head in the direction she wanted, seeking comfort at her sister, as always.

He managed to lull Izzy back to sleep, putting her back to her crib before going back to the bedroom. As time passed by and he calmed down more and more he wished Maggie was home so they could talk about it without jumping at each other’s throat. There had to be a compromising way to solve the situation that would be fine for the both of them.

Harry: Please come home and let’s talk about it.

Maggie: So you can bite my head off again?!

Harry: Mags, please. You have to understand my point of view too!

Maggie: I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. And you don’t seem to understand mine…

Harry: I do, but there are more things to consider. Please come home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone!

Maggie: Okay, I’m heading home now.

Harry put his phone down to the nightstand with a long sigh, already tired from everything that happened that day and he knew this conversation would be a hard one too, but they needed to be on the same page when it came to their family.

It was late getting late and Harry grew a little more restless with each passing moment. Paisley, Maggie’s sister lived about thirty minutes away from them and it’d been forty minutes since she sent her last text. At first he figured she maybe stayed and talked for a little longer with Paisley, or stopped for some fast food which he knew she liked so much whenever she was upset, but when an entire hour passed by he was getting worried.

He kept sending her texts that didn’t even get delivered and when he tried to call it went straight to her voicemail. Harry was losing his shit so he decided to call Paisley to see if she knew anything about her.

“She hasn’t arrived home yet?” she asked, clearly surprised.

“No, and she is not answering my calls and texts. When did she leave from yours?”

“A long time ago. Almost right away when you texted her to go home.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed out, anxiously pacing the floor as he held the phone to his ear. “Okay, can you please call your parents in case she went there for whatever reason? I’ll try her friends.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know if you got a hold of her,” Paisley told him before they ended the call.

Harry was scrolling through his contacts, trying to decide who Maggie would go to first in this situation and just as he was about to call the first person, his phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered the call unsurely, his heart beating fast in his chest as he stood in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Harry Styles?” a male voice asked on the other end.

“Yes, it’s me. Who am I speaking to?”

“I’m Officer Field speaking. You were listed as the emergency contact for your wife, Margaret Linn Styles.”

Blood rushed out of Harry’s face faster than he could even process what was happening. He stood completely frozen, his hands were getting clammy as he started sweating as if he just ran the marathon.

“What happened?” he asked weakly, barely even finding his own voice.

“Mr. Styles, I have bad news…”

Harry makes his way down to the entertainment room, walking like a zombie, only thinking about the bottle of vodka that sits in the minibar down there. Following his skin burning shower he tried to go to bed, but his head was starting to spin from everything that’s been swirling in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it if he didn’t numb himself somehow. Unfortunately, his only way of doing it has been drinking, nothing seemed to help him the way alcohol did and though he knew he should never solve any of his problems with drinking, he still couldn’t help himself sometimes. When the pain was growing immensely, taking over his whole body, he chose the easiest way to get rid of the guilt or at least stop himself from… feeling.

Grabbing the bottle from the mini fridge he snatches himself a glass as well, not drinking straight from the bottle at least, and plopping himself down to the couch he pours a generous glass, drinking it without any chaser.

He winces as the alcohol burns down his throat, but at least it’s a different kind of pain, that takes the focus away from the one he is feeling in his chest.

One glass chases the other and since he is not particularly used to the heavy drinking, he is more like the ‘let’s nurse this pint for an hour’ type of guy, the raw vodka kicks in pretty quickly.

 But he is not the only one who can’t fall asleep tonight.

You tried everything in your power to end your misery and finally fall asleep, but your mind and body was plotting against you and made you toss and turn until you couldn’t take it any longer. Making a good cup of tea seemed like a good idea, so you headed down the kitchen.

As you round the corner after the stairs and you’re about to walk into the kitchen, you notice how the lights are on down in the entertainment room. You stop in your tracks and try to think back if anyone was there before you went upstairs, but you don’t think it was the case.

You figure since there are only two adults living in the house, it must be Harry down there and right now, facing him doesn’t sound like a good idea, so you decide to leave him be, but that’s when you hear the voice of some kind of glass breaking, followed by a heavy accented cursing and it changes your mind right away.

“Harry?” you softly call out as you walk down the stairs, not sure what to expect down there. He is crouching down, his back in your direction as he is trying to get the pieces of the broken glass up from the floor, but he is too disoriented to succeed in the task and it’s obvious that an injury is deemed to happen sooner or later.

“Harry, you’re gonna cut yourself!” you warn him, and walking over to him you pull him up from his squatting position and when he looks at you is when you realize that he is drunk out of his mind.

“Y/N, oh shit, did I—Did I wake you up?” he slurs, knitting his eyebrows together as he tries to focus his vision on you.

“You didn’t, but let me just—Why don’t you sit down for a moment while I clean this up, huh?” you suggest, pulling him towards the couch, making him sit. He falls to the cushion like dead weight, letting out a tired sigh while you rush to get a broom and a dustpan to get rid of the broken glass on the floor as fast as possible before someone cuts themselves.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll just clean it up quickly,” you assure him, getting down to business.

“Not about the g-glass. Well, about that as well…”

“Then why are you sorry?” you ask, as you sweep the shards onto the dustpan and throw them into the closest trashcan.

“About being… a pain in the ass,” he hiccups.

“You are not a pain in the ass,” you chuckle softly as you sit beside him.

“I am. I fucked things up,” he nods with a painful expression all over his handsome face.

“What do you mean?” You know you shouldn’t make him talk in this state, but you can’t help your curiosity. It seems like drunkenness makes his tongue run wild and you are desperate for the tiniest crumble of information about what’s going on in his head.

“I just… I kissed you,” he breathes out, his eyes popping open, but he is staring at the ceiling, not you.

“And?” you ask, trying to act cool, though your pulse is rapidly increasing.

“And I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh.” You lick your lips and try not to show how much that hurt. But even drunk, Harry notices the disappointment in your tone. His glassy eyes snap over to you and his face falls right away.

“That’s not how I mean it!” he gasps, reaching for your hand and you’re surprised by the sudden physical touch, but it feels kind of nice, so you let him hold your hand between his arm palms. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, because fucking hell, it was amazing!” he bluntly tells you and you can already feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you tell me all of that in my room just earlier now?”

Harry pulls his hands back and moves his arms across his face, covering his eyes as he slides down the couch, his legs spreading out in front of him. He lets out a shaky whimper and seeing him like this worries you a lot. Harry is always in control, he has never let him fall apart like this before.

“Because… I don’t deserve to feel this way,” he confesses, confusing you even more. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you?”

He shakes his head under his arms, biting into his bottom lip as he inhales deeply, like he is trying to keep something inside, something you shouldn’t know about, but now you are desperate to find it out.

“I’m a fucking mess,” he breathes out, letting his arms fall to his sides, but he keeps his eyes closed, shutting you out in a way. “I don’t deserve to have these feelings,” he repeats again and it appears he is more likely talking to himself, rather than to you.

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you, because if I did, you’d never be able to look at me again.”

Now he is crying. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are trembling and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable state and quite frankly, it scares you. You knew him to be a strong and stable man, but now he resembles a frightened little boy, so lost in this big world.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not that bad, Harry.”

“It is,” he winces, as if it’s causing him physical pain to even talk about it.

“Harry…” You breathe out and moving closer you place a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He turns to face you, his eyes all watered and glistening, he looks so heartbroken, it almost pains you as well.

“Promise me you won’t see me as a monster,” he whispers.

“I-I promise,” you nod, already bearing yourself for the worst, judging from the look on his face.

Taking a deep breath he looks around, as if he is making sure no one else is listening. Then his eyes fall down to his hands in his lap, he fidgets with his fingers, his tongue running along his pink lips before he takes a deep breath and speaks up again.

“Maggie’s death… It was all my fault. I fucking… killed my own wife.”

His voice dies down at the end of the sentence, staring into the void, completely zoned out as you sit beside him, shocked at his words. This was not exactly what you were expecting him to say. Harry starts sobbing again, the hot tears running down his cheeks as he starts crying and panic sets in you. He is so out of his own world, you have no idea what’s happening to him. Rushing over to the mini fridge, you grab a water for him, thinking it might help him at least after all the alcohol he has consumed.

“Here, drink some water,” you softly tell him, taking the cap off as you hand him the bottle. He takes it with a shaky hand and raising it to his trembling lips he takes a few small sips. “Harry, what do you mean it was your fault?” you ask, knowing well you probably shouldn’t push it, but you can’t just ignore what he said.

“Exactly what I said,” he sobs shaking his head vigorously. “It was all my fault, I was a fucking coward and that’s why she died! I could have stopped her! I should have gone after her!”

He is not answering you, not entirely. He is speaking thoughts that have been planted in his head a long time ago and they seem to be on repeat whenever he is feeling down. As much as you want to get more details out of him, he needs to rest, especially because he is working in the morning.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed, H,” you tell him as you stand up and reach out for him to help him to his unsteady feet. It turns out to be a little harder than you expected, but you manage to get him up from his sitting position, and throwing one of his arms over your shoulders you start to walk him up towards his bedroom.

“You fucking hate me now, don’t you?” he slurs, his other hand reaching out towards the wall to steady himself a little more.

“I don’t hate you, Harry.”

“But you think I’m a monster, right?”

“I’m not sure I know enough to think anything about you. This is a conversation we should have when you’re sober,” you suggest and he huffs.

“M’sorry for getting drunk in the middle of the night.”

“It’s alright. But I think you’ll have a mean headache in the morning,” you tease him as you finally reach the upstairs and head down the hallway towards his room.

“You’re a fucking angel, Y/N. You know that?” He just keeps talking and talking and you find it funny how different he is from his reserved and quiet self in this state.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You are. You are so good to my daughter and to me as well… I really don’t get why your fucker ex cheated on you,” he huffs and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. “What was his name? Kyle?”

“Keith,” you correct him.

“That fucker, Keith!” he spats making you laugh as you push his bedroom’s door open and walk him inside finally. “I bet he had a small dick.”

“Why does that matter,” you chuckle, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Because guys with small dicks are always out of touch with themselves. They think they are just better than everyone for some reason.”

“Do you have any scientific research to prove that?” you tease him as you push him down, tugging him under the covers, like a little kid.

“No, I just… know shit,” he sighs, his eyes falling closed the moment his head rests on the pillow.

“Alright. You can tell me more about what else you know when you’re sober. Now get some sleep, because you have work in the morning.”

You make sure he lies on his side as he hums his response. Reaching down you brush his messy curls out of his forehead as he breathes out harshly through his nose, probably about to fall asleep any moment.

Tapping on the screen of his phone on the nightstand you make sure that he has set up his alarm and you see the little alarm clock icon at the top bar so you are just about to walk out when you turn back around.

Seeing how he pushed so many things down inside of him, you’re not convinced he’ll be willing to give you the answers you are looking for. You’re afraid he might talk himself out and give you some kind of bullshit answer, so reaching for his phone you sneakily take his thumb and open the device, all whilst he doesn’t even move an inch.

Scrolling through his contacts you find Niall’s number and send it over to yourself before deleting the message so you leave no trail behind. You set the phone back to his nightstand and head out finally, going to bed as well, right after sending Niall a quick message.

Y/N: Hi! It’s Y/N, I got your number from Harry’s phone. Can you come by sometime tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something.

When you come down in the morning it’s pretty obvious that even though Harry had his alarm on, he snoozed one too many times and now he is in a rush, trying to get everything done and leave on time.

“Good morning,” you greet him and Izzy upon walking into the kitchen. Harry’s head snaps up from the half-made breakfast in front of him and judging by his expression, he more or less remembers what happened last night. “Rough morning?” you ask teasing him to ease the tension.

“Uh, yeah. Woke up a little late,” he nods, finishing up Izzy’s sandwich just the way she likes, without the crust on before handing it over to her. Izzy grabs the plate and marches over to the dining table, quietly munching on her food while Harry quickly tries to make himself a coffee, but he is a hot mess, still in his night clothes when he is supposed to leave in about ten minutes.

“I’ll make you the coffee, go and get changed,” you offer, taking over the machine.

“Oh, thank you,” he nods and for a change, he doesn’t try to argue with you, he just disappears upstairs.

You make his coffee just as he likes and leave it on the counter for him before joining Izzy at the table with your own breakfast. She is babbling about how excited she is for her piano lesson today, because she’s been practicing a lot lately. When Harry appears again he is dressed for work, but still looks a little disoriented.

“Hey,” you softly say as you join him in the kitchen.

“Hey, thank you for the coffee,” he nods, moving around the kitchen.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” you ask, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but then closes, probably not sure how much he should share, though he didn’t have too much problem with that last night.

“I’m… A little hangover, but I’m… fine,” he nods shortly. “Y/N, about last night, I—“

“We can talk about it later, okay? Don’t stress about it.” You give him a reassuring smile and you can tell he is sort of relieved he doesn’t have to have this conversation right in this moment.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. And I’ll clean up in the kitchen, don’t be late,” you smile at him warmly. You can tell he wants to protest, but he also knows he is running late so he doesn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, I’ll… see you later.”

Storming over to Izzy he presses a kiss to her forehead before grabbing all his stuff and leaving.

Niall texts you back not long after breakfast that he is free to drop by when Izzy is having her piano lesson. You carry on with the morning as usual, trying your best not to dwell on everything that happened last night.

Just as Rosaline and Izzy get settled for the lesson you hear a car pulling up outside and a few moments later the doorbell rings through the house.

“Let’s get one thing straight, is it a booty call?” Niall questions right away as you let him inside.

“It’s good to see you again,” you chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“So no sex is gonna be involved?” he smirks and you know he is just teasing you.

“No, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, you can never disappoint me, darling,” he winks at you before walking into the kitchen to serve himself a drink. “So why did you need to see me so desperately?”

“Well, I know I shouldn’t be discussing this with you first, but I feel like I need to know some basic information that Harry might not give me so I thought you could help me out.” Niall nods as he pours himself some soda and joins you at the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to you. “I uhh—I need to ask how much Harry shared with you about… about me—and, um what—“

“Save the stuttering, I know you two kissed,” Niall cuts you off and you breathe out in relief that you don’t have to be the one breaking him the news.

“Oh, okay,” you nod with an awkward smile. “Yeah, so that happened. And last night he and I had this conversation how we should just keep our relationship professional and all that. We both went our own way but then later I found Harry down in the entertainment room, drunk and basically having a meltdown of some sort.”

“How drunk was he?” Niall asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Pretty drunk. He broke a glass and he was… crying and talking about a lot of stuff.” Niall takes your words in as he inhales deeply, just nodding for you to continue. “He started telling me how sorry he was for fucking things up and he was a mess, like a huge fucking mess. Then he told me about how he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does, because he doesn’t deserve it…”

“Jesus…” Niall shakes his head, probably already knowing where this is heading.

“And then he told me that his wife’s death was his fault. That was… pretty intense.”

“I can imagine.”

“I know I have to talk to him about it, but I’m really afraid he might shake it off, but it seems like he is having some serious issues and I wouldn’t want things to get out of hands. That’s why I thought I would talk to you, maybe you know what to do or how to approach him with such a sensitive subject.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s nice of you for being so considerate,” Niall nods, scratching his chin. “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, but please also let him tell you if he decides to share it with you.” You nod and turn all your attention to him. “I didn’t find this out until about two months after Maggie’s death, but apparently, the night she died they had a fight. Maggie had been nagging Harry to have another baby, but he wanted to wait a little longer, until Izzy is older so they don’t have two babies at the same time. Harry said they had another big fight about it, said some pretty nasty things to each other before Maggie just stormed out to go over to her sister’s. She made it there, but… never made it back home.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of how devastating it must have been, losing your partner after an intense fight without ever making up.

“Understandably, Harry completely lost his shit. For weeks he was barely functioning and we all knew he was grieving, but we didn’t know that he was blaming himself for what happened. When he wasn’t getting any better we somehow convinced him to go to therapy which luckily helped him immensely, but he stopped going a while ago. I thought he got things straight in his head about this whole Maggie situation, but I guess he is still hung up on that.”

“What about the drinking, did that happen a lot?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, yeah, he got wasted quite a few times, but only at the beginning. I don’t think you should be afraid that he might turn into an alcoholic. I think he is just really struggling right now because of the conflict he is having because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah, he is clearly very confused about his feelings for you and he has convinced himself he shouldn’t feel this way towards anyone ever, but then you came,” he chuckles softly giving you a knowing look.

“Niall, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” you breathe out, worry and fear slowly taking over your judgment.

“First and foremost just… be patient with him, okay? This is genuinely the first time he has taken an interest in anyone since Maggie and I think he has already taken some big steps, which is a good sign. Try to talk to him and be open, but don’t push him. I know it can be really annoying when he keeps things, but let him tell you everything at his own pace.”

You nod, understanding the importance of not rushing Harry into anything. Just because you want to get over the awkwardness of the current situation, you can’t push him over his own boundaries.

“Okay, I’ll try to do that,” you nod taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Oh, and don’t let him give you the ‘you work for me, we shouldn’t be doing this’ bullshit alright? He’ll try to make it out to be some kind of business, but it’s not. He needs to get himself out there and I genuinely think you’re the right person to help him with that.”

His words touch you and you’re not even sure how to react. Niall is clearly someone who stands close to Harry and if he thinks that you and him should give it a try, that must mean something. You can only hope that Harry will come around and think the same at one point.

Izzy gets a little fussy by the end of the day and it takes a lot of persuading to get her to bed in the evening. Harry arrived back home on his usual time and because it’s been such a hot day outside, he took her out to the pool. The problem with that is that Izzy never wants to get out of the water, so when Harry said it’s time for dinner she threw a bit of a tantrum as Harry brought her inside and her mood didn’t get any better later either.

You spent most of your night in the living room just watching TV and working on your laptop, updating your schedule for the upcoming weeks and doing some editing. Harry stays upstairs with Izzy for a long time when her bedtime comes and you figure she is still a little moody, but then you eventually hear his footsteps approaching. Harry pads his way into the living room and joins you on the couch. When you glance over at him you know he is trying to find a way to start the conversation you both know you need to have, so you put your laptop aside and turn your attention towards him.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m honestly so terribly ashamed you had to… see me like that,” he starts, clearly nervous to bring it all up.

“It’s fine, happens to everyone,” you assure him and it’s the genuine truth.

“It’s not a regular occurrence, really. I usually know my limits and try to stay within them. I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Harry, don’t worry about it,” you tell him again with a warm smile. “We can get past it. I think what we really should talk about is… what you said. Do you remember what we talked about?” you carefully ask.

“I do…” he nods, awkward diverting his eyes away from you. “I’m sorry I told you all that in that state, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to just pour it all on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.” “No, it’s not,” he protests shaking his head. “I dropped a bomb on you because I couldn’t deal with my own problems the right way, and it’s not okay. So please, just… accept my apology.”

“Okay, I accept it,” you nod.

“And about the whole thing with… What I told you about Maggie…”

“Just know that you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. I’m happy to listen whenever you are ready to, but I’m not trying to push you.”

“I know and thank you for that, but I feel like… I owe you an explanation,” he admits and you nod, happy that he is willing to talk instead of closing himself off entirely. “The day Maggie died, we got into this huge fight and she ran off to her sister. It was… a whole mess, we both said things we clearly didn’t mean and I texted her, tried to get her to come home so we could talk things out. That’s when… she was on her way home when it happened and… I still feel like it was my fault.” His voice dies down at the end, just like it did last night when he was talking about her. It clearly left a deep scar on him that’s still not entirely healed and you can’t blame him.

“Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn’t, that it was just all one big coincidence, but all I can think about is that she would still be here if we didn’t get into the fight and I didn’t piss her off so much she felt the need to leave.”

“There was no way for you to see what would happen, Harry. It’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no power over the drunk driver or where Maggie chose to drive home. It really was a coincidence.”

“I know, I mean… I understand, but somehow, my mind keeps telling me that it was my fault.”

“Have you thought about… getting professional help?” you ask, trying to be polite and cautious on the topic.

“Actually, I just called my therapist today to see if… she can fit me in for some sessions,” he admits and you’re surprised at how great he is dealing with the matter. “I feel like I might need some guidance again, before things get out of my hands.”

“That’s great! It really is good to go a bit ahead of problems.”

“Yeah. About us…” he exhales nervously, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell this is the part that’s got him the most anxious. You take this as your queue to take over the conversation.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest with you,” you start and he nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “I… I have feelings for you. You haven’t been the only one making realizations,” you add with a soft chuckle, that brings a smile to his lips as well. “I know that the situation is not quite ideal, but it’s not impossible. But I just want you to be honest with me, do you have feelings for me?”

The conflict is clearer than daylight in his eyes as he is trying to figure out what to say and you really hope he isn’t gonna try to mask his feelings.

“I do,” he then admits and it’s like a giant rock has been lifted off your chest and shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “Let’s just… take it slow. We’re not in a rush, we obviously have a lot to figure out and that’s completely fine. The pace is completely up to you, I know that you need to get a lot of things straight in your head and I can wait, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I really like where we are now and… I just hope that we can move this forward whenever you feel comfortable with it.”

Harry stares back at you for a moment like you’re some alien creature. Like what you just said wasn’t normal or even human and that’s quite heartbreaking, because somewhere along the way he managed to convince himself that he is not worthy of the most basic decency.

“I-I can’t ask you to wait around while I figure my shit out, that’s not—“

“You’re not asking me, Harry,” you smile at him softly. “This is my decision.”

His eyes are shifting between yours and he is most likely looking for any sign of doubt or qualm, but there’s none, you genuinely meant everything you said.

“So, where does this leave us?” he then asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“Everything goes on like it used to and… whenever you are ready to take a step, just… let me know.”

You can tell he is filled with questions, but he just nods with a weak smile and leaves it at that. This will be a bumpy ride, but at least you are more or less on the same page now.

You haven’t been a big fan of birthday celebrations. You just never understood the big fuss about it, throwing a party for surviving another year? Seems a little weird. This is why you never treated this day any different.

The morning starts off as usual, only that you wake up to a few texts from friends and family, wishing you a happy birthday. Your mom has sent you a whole damn paragraph about how you made her life complete and it wouldn’t be the same without you in it. She does that every time, gets a little too sentimental about it, but you guess it’s because it reminds her of getting old herself as well, which is a sensitive topic in her book these days.

It’s a Sunday, so a day off for you. Coming downstairs you find Izzy and Harry sitting at the dining table, already having their breakfast as usual, but when she sees you, she jumps in her seat in excitement.

“Good morning, Y/N!” she beams with a wide smile, buzzing more than she usually does.

“Morning, Sunshine. Slept well?” you ask as you pour yourself some cereal and join them at the table. Izzy nods and then peeks at her father as if she is trying to hide something with him from you.

“Daddy, can we do it now?” she asks in a whisper, but it’s not quiet enough for you to not hear it.

Your eyes lock with Harry’s over the table and the butterflies in your stomach start dancing around right away when you see the tiny smirk tugging on his lips.

It’s been almost an entire week since your conversation with him and things finally seem to get in place for now. Harry had his first session with his therapist on Wednesday and though you can tell he is still trying to find his own boundaries, he doesn’t worry as much about the situation as he probably did before. He isn’t walking on eggshells around you, unsure how to act. More or less it’s the same as it was before the kiss, but there are tiny little things that still make it different. Stolen glances, lingering touches and sweet smiles are making your days more colorful now and it’s gotten you all giddy and… happy.

“What are you two plotting, huh?” you ask, pointing at them with your spoon before digging into the cereal. Izzy glances at Harry one last time and when he nods shortly, she turns to you and throws her arms in the air.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” she cheers as Harry reaches over to the chair next to him and pulls up a box from under the table, handing it over to Izzy so she could give it to you. “This is for you!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!” you gasp, truly surprised by the gift. You were not expecting it at all.

“It’s not a birthday without gifts!” she giggles excitedly as she hands the box over. You push your cereal bowl to the side and set the gift to the table in front of you. “Open it!” she urges you, her little hands curled into fists as she watches your every move, as if it was her who just got a present.

Your eyes meet Harry’s green ones over the table once more and he is watching you with a small smile, probably enjoying that he could surprise you.

You pull on the bow on the top and then carefully take the wrapping paper off until the box is revealed underneath and you gas as soon as you realize what this is.

“Oh my God!” you breathe out in disbelief as you take a better look at the gift. Harry didn’t just get you something, he actually listened to what you were saying and remembered that you’re a big fan of oldschool cameras and you have a special love for polaroids. And now, in front of you in the box is your very own polaroid camera, something you’ve been really wanting to buy for yourself for a long time, but you just never got around to actually do it.

“Do you like it? Daddy said you’d really like it!” Izzy asks with big eyes, watching your reaction.

“Oh, I love it!” you breathe out, feeling all mushy and melted from the gesture. Izzy climbs over to your lap, hugging your neck. You wrap your arms around her in a bone crushing hug and you’re so thankful for having them both in your life.

Izzy sits on your lap as you get the camera out of the box and figure out how to work it. She then hops off your lap and poses for the first ever picture taken with your new favorite camera.

“But it’s blank!” she furrows her eyebrows when the photo comes out.

“Because you have to wait for it to develop. It’ll show up in a few minutes,” you smile, setting the photo down on the table.

Izzy sits in her seat, excitedly waiting for the photo to develop and in the meanwhile you join Harry in the kitchen where he is washing the dishes. He spots you and turns the tap off, turning to face you as he dries his hands off.

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything,” you tell him softly, but really feel touched by the gesture.

“No, but I wanted to. Do you really like it?”

“I love it!” you chuckle in disbelief. How could he think you wouldn’t like it?!

You move forward, aiming for a hug out of instinct but then stop yourself, not wanting to cross any boundaries, but Harry notices the motion and for your surprise, he wraps you in a warm hug on his own. You melt against his hard chest, your nose buried into his shoulder as your arms circle around his waist.

When you lean back, you both keep your arms around each other, eyes meeting and you realize just how close you are to each other. Without even knowing, your gaze flickers down to his lips and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel them again, but you don’t move, wanting to keep your word about letting him set the pace.

But what you didn’t expect is Harry leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. It’s so different from the last time, that was a hot mess, but this one… this is light as a feather but still makes your stomach somersault as you taste his lips, cupping his face in your hands.

“Daddy! I’m thirsty!” Izzy calls out from outside and it kind of ends the moment. Harry pulls back and when you look at him you see that his eyes are still closed. They flutter open a moment later, finding your gaze and you look for any kind of regret or fear in them, but they are nothing but shiny.

“Just a moment, baby!” he answers her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he leans down and pecks the corner of your mouth again before his hands fall from your waist. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” he breathes out before grabbing a bottled water and heading back to Izzy.

You bring your fingertips to your tingling lips as you take a moment to really process what just happened and you can’t push down the smile that spreads across your face. Harry finally took the first step and now you can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[tf2redshot]

How would the mercs react to 'you are the father'? Which one would cry while holding their baby for the first time? WHERE ARE THEY!...oh, sorry. Wrong fandom on that last one...

mercenaries | holding their kid for the first time

Scout

"Me? A pa?"

He's frightened. He's excited, but he's frightened. He grew up with only a mother, how the fuck does he become a father? He silently curses whoever his father is for putting him in this kind of situation, but also thanks him for giving him the opportunity to not fuck up like he did. Scout springs back up again, a determined grin on his face as he holds his kid. This was his kid. A mini him. Scout as much as possible tries to block out any insecurity and tries to see the good side of things. Though every now and then, he'll need constant reassuring.

"Imma spoil him rotten. Ya think he'll like chicken for breakfast?"  (son is literally a few minutes old without any teeth)

Soldier

He has such a gentle look on his face it'd be hard to tell if this man was Soldier or not without his helmet. For once, he fathers up and takes the news like a champ. He isn't scared, this is his kid. His little.. part of him. The information is still processing in his head, but you can tell he's struggling to get the right words out. He tries to give a decent reaction. This isn't the war, this isn't the battle back in Teufort, this is his fucking child. He already has a whole future planned out in his head for what he wants to do with his kid. He's ecstatic, and he's looking forward to all of this. 

"You and me, son. I'll make you proud."

Pyro

It's a MINI PYRO! It's obvious they're struggling to keep their giddiness in, with shaky hands they cradle their kid, eyes sparkling with joy. They take a moment to admire all this. Their own kid, alive and healthy, pure and innocent. Pyro treated them like they were the most fragile thing on earth and momma hen instinct took over.

"Um, excuse me, we still need to run some tests." The doctor stood by the door, watching the firebug cradle their kid in the far corner of the room. Pyro just shook their head.

Demoman

Demo's in silent shock, a look of pure adoration in his face. This was his kid. *His* kid. There's a gentle smile on his face as he pokes the kid's cheek. Okay, this wasn't a dream. He's doting on his kid so much it's unbelievable. He nudges their cheek with the curve of his finger, tickling their nose, anything. He still can't believe this is happening. He doesn't have the heart to let go of the kid when the doctors come in to check on them.

"Just check 'im while I'm holding 'im. Och, is that so much of a problem?"

Heavy

He's mommy. Let him be. He's overjoyed to be holding his kid, he needs to be scolded sometimes to keep it down. It's surprising to see Heavy like this; the usually stoic man doting over his kid like there was no tomorrow. Can't stop with the nicknames, might have forgotten their real name because of it who knows

"медвежонок.. you are so small. You fit like egg in hand."

"Heavy, da fuck did you just say?"

Engineer 

Engineer is speechless. What? Him? A father? Holy shit. He thought that maybe his experiences with being a total father figure to the team would help him out, but boy was he wrong. The moment he held his baby, he realized that taking care of a baby would be very very very different from taking care of eight grown men. He can't hit them with a wrench or send them into respawn. This was a FUCKING BABY. He's nervous when he holds his kid, but once his kid let out their first giggle or laugh, Engineer was laughing along for whatever reason, hell bent on making them laugh again. That was a very cute noise. Do it again.

"Hell.. I can't believe this. You're.. adorable. Got that from your father, didn'tcha? Heh. Just kidding. Or am I?"

He's a freakin dork

Sniper

W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what? He was mentally preparing for this moment the past nine months, and all his training went crashing down the moment he held his kid. He was shaken up, this was his kid. Was this even okay? Was being an assassin and a father a good idea? Definitely not, but the way his kid grabbed his pinkie stole his heart, and he was determined to keep his little roo safe. This man is fucking territorial, not even his partner could hold the kid for the first few hours. 

"Mundy, c'mon, give-"

"Piss off." He says, a dangerous edge to his voice as he pats his kid's back, trying to get them to burp. He would have been taken seriously if not for the adorable scene he was making.

Medic

The reality of him being a father doesn't hit him until later, when he's back in his own sleeping quarters. In the hospital, he's professional, checking on the kid to see if they're healthy. He gives the check-up, even does the delivery, if adopted, he did all the paperwork. He did everything he needed to do as a doctor. But as a father? It dawned on him in the middle of the night, when he heard his baby cry. Like an automated response, he got up, carried the baby until they calmed down. Then it hit him. When did he ever learn to do this? From nurturing baby baboons probably? It came to him so naturally it was surprising, pleasantly surprising.

"Mein gott.. this is veird. Babies are so fragile.."

Spy

Sadly, he misses his baby's delivery. He spent the entire night and morning on the roof, finishing his pack of cigars. He was stressed. Very. He had his car keys in one hand, contemplating whether or not he should just drive off and forget this ever happened. But he didn't. After a couple of years with Scout back in the base, he's learned his mistake, and he still regrets it to this day. He's been wishing for a chance to redeem himself, now he has it. He returns to the hospital room, apologizing for his delay. When he sees the baby, he's stricken with fear. What does he do? Without being given another second to decide, he's given the baby, and he's never felt genuine fear before, but staring at the baby really got him thinking hard. The baby's eyes, they were exactly like his. The baby's hair even even looked like his. All of this was so shocking to Spy. He couldn't help but stare at the baby- his baby- the whole time. The scene itself was adorable. Spy holding and staring at a baby with eyes full of adoration for 9823487 hours.

"This.. this is mine?"

"Yes, Spy, and can you not talk about the baby like he's a thing?"

[themaribatpit]

Jasonette July Day 20: Then Perish

Written by: The Maribat Pit @jasonette-july-event​ Prompt: Then Perish (Part 1) Rating: M (violence, minor character deaths) A/N: We wanted to finish Jasonette July with a bang.  The second half will be posted tomorrow for the Saturday Challenge.  We’ve appreciated all your comments and kind words, we really do read every one. It genuinely means a lot to us and encourages us to continue writing together.  As a fandom you have been nothing but kind and supportive, and we enjoy bringing you fics great and small with a wide variety of genres, dynamics, and iterations.  Also blame DC fanboy for the memes in this fic. Marinette loved to travel, she had traveled all over the world from New York to Shanghai. Today, she traveled with her parents to Gotham City to visit her parents' friends, whom they had not seen in many years. Sabine was initially afraid to visit Gotham City, due to its crime rate and ever-growing list of criminals. Tom reassured his wife, saying that his big stature would scare any would-be criminal from harming them, that the trip would be short and they would visit Metropolis afterwards. Marinette wore the Ladybug Miraculous, just in case something were to happen. As the family got off the taxi at Park Row, everyone felt something was off. "Park Row really has...changed." Thomas muttered. Sabine held on to both her husband and her daughter, "I think we should leave." she said. Soon shadows began appearing around the corner, then came the yelling, and soon after came the gunshots. Thomas grabbed his wife and daughter and ran to find shelter from a hail of bullets. Marinette looked back to see many civilians, men, women and children caught in the middle of this gang war.  She needed to be a hero, her father could take care of her mother, she needed to save those in danger. She freed herself from her father's grasp and ran behind a corner, she whispered "spots on" and transformed into Ladybug. Diving and flipping across streaking bullets everywhere, she flung her yo-yo to drag any unfortunate bystanders into an abandoned building. While in a building with innocent civilians, she peeked her head out the window to see a monstrous man.  Wearing a blood red helmet and wielding two pistols, he systematically killed everyone before him. His flips and kicks were graceful yet brutal, the cries of pain and pleas for mercy made her shudder. She couldn't fight him, no, she was afraid to. It would be best to find her family, she did all she could and got bystanders to safety. She quietly transformed back into Marinette and went to look for her family. She ran back to where she last saw them, she scoured the streets shouting "Maman! Papa!" hoping that using her French would help her parents find and identify her. She soon ran into the Red Beast, as she began to turn and run back before she saw the two people at his feet. “<No, no no no, please god no.>” she whispered to herself, tears building in her eyes. There lay her parents, in a pool of their blood with bullet holes between their eyes. Marinette dropped to her knees, silently crying. The Red Hood either didn't see her, or chose to spare her and decided to walk away. Marinette ran to her parents, grabbing them both and shaking them. "<Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me>” she wept. Later, she was picked up by the GCPD. They escorted her on the flight back to Paris along with the remains of her parents. When she arrived, she was approached by the Aide Sociale à L'enfance (ASE).  They told her that she'll be staying at a nearby orphanage until after her parents' funeral. Then she would then be sent off to live with her only remaining relative, her Great-Uncle Wang in Shanghai. On the night before the funeral, Marinette was unable to sleep.  She curled her legs to her chest while she sat on the mattress.  She has spent the past few days researching the mysterious Red Hood, crime boss and self-proclaimed Prince of Gotham.  She read article after article of his meteoric rise to power, first conquering Black Mask, then The Penguin. Nightmares plagued her whenever she closed her eyes, she saw the Red Hood tower over her parent's lifeless bodies, covered in their blood. She was worried about being sent off to a foreign country tomorrow evening, while barely even speaking any Mandarin. All the while knowing that once she is on that flight to Shanghai, her parent's killer would without a doubt walk free. Morning comes, yet Marinette still thinks of what she should do. Could she really go to Shanghai to start her life anew, not knowing the language and allowing her parents’ killer to go on unpunished? At the funeral, while standing over her parents’ graves, she remained silent. The priest, ASE agents and her friends all came to pay their respects. Each of her friends approached her to give their sympathies, but she did not listen to a word they said. The Red Hood weighed heavily on her mind, and she made her fateful decision. To run, run and never look back. She had prepared a backpack containing the Miracle box with all the Miraculous, along with a few essential supplies and money. She turned into Multimouse to sneak on board a passenger aircraft to make her way to Gotham City.  Jason knew, better than Batman, that fighting crime sometimes meant getting your hands dirty.  What started as a petty squabble between two rival gangs grew into a bloodbath.  He missed Roy at times like these, Artemis and Bizarro were still missing, but he held out hope that they would one day return to this Earth. A teenage girl with an impressively sturdy yo-yo had burst onto the scene, trying to get civilians to safety.  He was a bit too preoccupied with the battle to get a good look at the girl.  Knowing Bruce, the next time he’d see her, she’d be under his wing.  Sadly, there were two civilians that neither of them could save, a large, burly looking man and a tiny woman.  The person who shot them with frightening accuracy had got away, moments later a teenage girl had arrived on the scene.  There was a brief flash of fear in her eyes when she saw him, and she would have just scurried away if only he hadn’t been at the very spot where her parents lay dead.  The girl was inconsolable as she fell to her knees and wept, pleading with them in French.  Red Hood walked away, thinking it would be best to leave her to grieve.  There wasn’t a whole lot he could say in English that would make her feel any better, never mind in French. He watched from a distance as the GCPD arrived to pick up the pieces, Red Hood watched from the shadows as police officers and an interpreter tried to get the girl’s side of the story.  From what he gathered, the girl’s name was Marinette Dupain-Cheng and her family owned a bakery in Paris.  Her next of kin was a relative in Shanghai, and it sounded like the best option for her would be to go and live there.   The plan was to ship her and her parents’ bodies back to Paris, and let child services take it from there.  He would have probably told her to get as far away from Gotham as possible, away from the clutches of a certain someone who was also orphaned in Crime Alley.  He saw her cradle what looked like a small pink doll to her face as she wept, before he turned and walked away. A week later, Jason had a break in the case.  This was all caused by some low-level members of the Falcone and Maroni families continuing their decades-old battle.  As far as everyone knew, the crime families swiftly executed the men responsible and went about their business.  Two crime families were unable to keep their lackeys in check, and now the people who weren’t lucky enough to be whisked away by Yo-Yo Girl, were now either dead or wishing they were.   He thought back to poor little Marinette, wondering where she was now. Bruce confronted him at the Iceberg lounge shortly after the incident, to which Jason explained that the perp had got away.   He had killed people before, and that wasn’t stopping anytime soon, after all it wasn’t that long ago that he tried to kill the Penguin.  “This may surprise you Bruce, but the Red Hood isn’t the only one who uses guns in Gotham '' he snapped.  There were some lines that even he did not cross, lines that he had drawn for himself. Judging by the accuracy of the gunshots, this was no accident.  Their daughter was probably starting a new life, probably on the other side of the world.  Still, he wished he could have said something to the girl, a simple “Hey, it’s gonna be all right” probably would have sufficed.  Little did he know that Marinette was making her return to Gotham City.  She would have her revenge on the Red Hood, and this time she had nothing to fear and nothing to lose. After her very uncomfortable 10 hour flight from Paris to Gotham City in the cargo hold, Multimouse quietly sneaked out of the crowded airport without alerting anyone. Marinette wandered around Chinatown, thinking of her next step. She was thinking about how she would have to go through the city with a fine tooth comb to search for a lead, likely starting small with his men in the streets.  Before she could put the earrings back in her backpack, Tikki begged her to reconsider what she was doing.  “Please Marinette, you need time to heal, to grieve,” she pleaded, but Marinette didn’t need the powers of healing, luck and creation. If and when she encountered the Red Hood, she wanted to bring him death, misfortune and destruction.  After all, that was exactly what he had brought her.  With a stroke of luck, she overheard someone getting a beatdown.  "You get your ass outta here, this is Red Hood's turf. If you wanna sell that shit, you gotta give the boss his cut."  Marinette whispered "Plagg, claws out" and transformed into Lady Noire, before sneaking up behind one of the Red Hood’s men. He released the person he was beating, and chased him out the alleyway.  She took this opportunity to swing her staff,  hitting the back of his neck and sending him face first into the ground. He immediately tried to stand up, as he stood on wobbly legs he took out his knife from his jacket. "Oh shit, Catwoman?!" he yelled. Lady Noire used her staff to sweep him off his feet and slammed her staff onto his face.  "Where is the Red Hood?" she growled.  "Screw you bitch!" the goon retorted. Lady Noire had a feeling that he wouldn’t tell her the location of the Red Hood, so she decided to try a different approach. "Fine then, why don't you give your boss this simple message…" Before she could finish her sentence, she heard the telltale click of a gun being loaded. She turned around and started spinning her staff, creating a grey shield to deflect the storm of bullets that were being fired at her.  She moved her hands at a rapid pace, and frantically pushed back against the hail of bullets.  As the bullet storm subsided she looked up and saw, up on the fire escape, was the Red Hood with an assault rifle. The Red Hood casually tossed his gun aside and asked "So, what's this message you have for me, Catwoman?" He gracefully did a forward flip and landed in a crouch.  "Wait a minute..." he said, the first thing he noticed was that this person was tiny, 4’11 or maybe 5’ on a good day. Her eyes were a bright acid green with dark slits like a real cat’s pupils.  "You're not Catwoman, you're too short to be her, for one thing.” he remarked “also she usually has a whip instead of a staff, who are you?" Lady Noire gritted her teeth, "You killed my family" she answered with a low growl. "Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down Kitten?" Red Hood's taunts made her snap.  She screamed "YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!" The Red Hood stared at her, as he crossed his arms.  "I don't even know who you are, what's your beef with me?" He asked, Lady Noire lunged at the Red Hood with her staff, she swung wildly to try and hit him.  He dodged most of her strikes with ease, “Is that the best you’ve got?  You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”  Where she might have lacked in skill, she made up for in determination.  She wasn’t pulling any punches, he had to give her that.  He caught the staff under his arm, and punched Lady Noire with his free arm.  As he went on the offensive, he slapped her staff aside, and came at her with a series of punches and kicks.   “So, what do you want Kitten? Money? Jewels? A very big ball of string?”  he joked.  “All I want is revenge,” she spluttered. “Get in line Kitten, you’re in the city that runs on vengeance” he retorted. Marinette was lucky that the suit gave her enhanced speed, strength and endurance. She always loved how the Lady Noire suit felt a lot lighter compared to the Ladybug suit. Though she shuddered to imagine what her opponent would do with this power.    He raised his leg to end his combination with a forceful downward kick, Lady Noire raised her staff up to a horizontal block to stop the kick. Upon contact with the kick, the staff split into two, and then Lady Noire launched into her counter attack. She was striking the Red Hood with a flurry of blows with both halves of her staff.  "Escrima sticks too? Looks like we have a Nightwing fan here” he smirked under the mask; this new girl was just full of surprises.  He brought his arms to the sides of his head in a defensive posture, blocking the onslaught of strikes from the escrima sticks.  Red Hood then grabbed Lady Noire by the back of her head, placing her in a Thai clinch. He launched a powerful knee to her face and sent her reeling back. He drew his pistols and fired a torrent of bullets at her. Lady Noire had to dodge, weave and use her staff to deflect incoming bullets. One bullet even grazed her cheek. She then pointed her staff at the Red Hood and extended it with so much force it slammed him against the wall of a nearby building. Without giving him any breathing room, she then retracted the staff. She launched herself towards him and then dropkicked his face straight into the wall. His helmet cracked against the tremendous pressure. "It's now or never” she thought, as she cast Cataclysm and swiped at one half of the Red Hood’s helmet. She saw the helmet dissolve and reveal the target beneath.  She noticed that underneath the helmet he wore a red domino mask, not unlike the one she usually wore.  She would have time to think about how overly dramatic that was later, as she used her other hand to pick up the knife on the ground that the other goon left behind.  She jumped on top of the Red Hood, “Now perish!” she cried out as she thrusted the blade towards the exposed part of his face. Red Hood recovered quickly and caught her hand holding the blade. As the two struggled for the knife, Lady Noire tried to swipe at him with Cataclysm again.  Suddenly, she felt the power of 50,000 volts coursing through her, as the Red Hood activated the taser hidden in his chest piece.  She powered through, running purely on anger, grief and adrenaline. She was only able to struggle for about a minute, before passing out from the pain.  Red Hood flipped Lady Noire’s unconscious body aside, before he took off his helmet to inspect the damage. "The hell?." he pondered, "So, indestructible staff that can do double duty as a shield, and the ability to disintegrate things with one touch. Let's find out who you really are."  He slowly stood up and looked down at her unconscious body. He tried to peel away her domino mask, yet it would not come off. He tugged on the mask, even to the point of lifting the unconscious girl off the ground. He released the mask, and let the body drop with a small thud.  The Red Hood began talking to himself "She either superglued the mask on or it’s something else. Considering all that she can do, I'd say 80% chance it's magic and 20% a lantern. Either way a 100% pain in my ass".  He heard a small beeping noise and gingerly lifted her hand up off the floor.  As it emitted black and green energy, he noticed that she had a ring on.  The beeping came from a small picture of a paw print, which was missing a few pads.  If she was a lantern, that ring was going to run out of charge any moment now.  He took out his phone and called the Iceberg Lounge. He requested that they send for a van to pick him up and his new guest.   He requested that the Su Sisters get her cleaned up and ready. He needed to find out who sent her and who she worked for. He took out the special handcuffs that Batman designed when dealing with metahumans. As he walked towards Lady Noire about to cuff her, he heard some more beeping, followed by a bright light surrounding her.  Her suit and mask disappeared, leaving behind a small girl in pastel pink clothes who was probably no older than 15 or 16.  Her long braid changed back into a couple of shoulder-length pigtails, and she had a pink backpack on her back.  Jason looked inside the bag, there were a few sets of clothes, a wallet and an antique Chinese jewelry box.  He wondered if that ring was just one of many tools in her arsenal.  Jason's eyes widened, he recognised her as the girl he saw a few weeks ago when the turf war in Crime Alley broke out.  "What’s she doing here?" he said to himself aloud, “ Idiot” he muttered. He remembered following the girl and her GCPD escort to make sure she boarded her flight back to Paris.  She was supposed to be with her remaining family. Yet she came back to, no, ran away to Gotham City.  All for revenge.  He checked her wallet and saw the name printed on it, he sighed, this just confirmed that she was the same girl. When she had her revenge, what would she do then?  He wasn’t the undisputed master of thinking things through, but even he thought she was a fool to come back here.  Gotham City didn’t have the best track record dealing with orphans.  He knew this from personal experience, but there was that time where many were rounded up and sent upstate to juvie, for the crime of trying to survive on the streets.  He would have been in the same position, had it not been for his own fateful encounter in Crime Alley. He shuddered to think what her other option would be in a place like Gotham City, becoming a Robin.  Part of the reason he wanted her out of Gotham was so that Bruce wouldn’t get any ideas about taking her in.  When the car arrived, he scooped up the girl in his arms and carried her towards it.  Marinette woke up with her heart beating frantically in her chest, the first thing she saw was a bright light.  She was dead, she had to be, the last thing she remembered was confronting the Red Hood and now he had killed her.  She slowly sat up, she looked down to find that someone had changed her clothes, she was wearing light blue pajamas.  She started to look around, to her left there was a large floor to ceiling window where she could see a city at night with bright twinkling lights.  On the table next to her was the Miracle box, she quickly grabbed the box and looked through it. She gave a sigh of relief when she saw that all the Miraculous she brought with her were still there.   Suddenly, Marinette heard someone clear their throat.  At the foot of the bed, stood a rather large woman who had a bundle of clothes in her hand.  Next to her was a blonde woman with pink highlights who had a tray of food. “Oh good, you’re finally awake” the large woman said gruffly, she set the clothes down on the edge of the bed.  The blonde girl set a tea tray down in front of her, along with a couple of pastries.  Marinette’s heart sank at the sight of the croissants, they reminded her of her parents and their bakery. “Eat up and get dressed, the boss wants to see you later” the blonde woman told her, before skipping to the larger woman’s side.  Just as the two were about to leave, Marinette piped up, “Um, where am I?” she asked, “Who is your boss?” “You’re in the Iceberg Lounge in Gotham City”, the large woman told her gruffly.  “The name’s Suzie, this is one of my sisters, Candy. Our boss is the owner.”  Marinette gave an awkward wave as they left, and Candy returned it with a more cheerful one.    She took a bite out of the croissant, it tasted cold and dry. However, if she was going to defeat the Red Hood, she’d need all her strength. She put Plagg’s ring back in the box and reached for Ladybug’s earrings; she needed a new tactic.  When Tikki appeared in front of her, she also quickly looked around the room before looking back at Marinette with a concerned look on her face. “I couldn’t do it,” Marinette explained “he managed to stop me and I ended up back here”. Tikki’s eyes were sympathetic as Marinette held her closer to her face, “Are you sure you still want to go through with this?” Tikki asked.  “For now, I have to get changed and go upstairs to meet the boss.  Maybe he’s the one who found me after the fight was over” Marinette theorized as she gave Tikki the cookie from the tray.  While Tikki quietly nibbled at it, Marinette stood up and walked over to the edge of the bed.  Inside the small bundle of clothes were a simple white blouse and black skirt. They were a little big, she would probably hem it if she had her sewing machine.    Moments later, a tall woman with dark hair led Marinette into the penthouse, a large room with a desk in the corner.   A tall man in a suit stood with his back towards the door, overlooking the sparkling city skyline.  She slowly stepped inside, looking around the room as she walked towards the man.  “Um hi, who are you?” Marinette asked as she apprehensively walked towards him.  She couldn’t help but feel small in that grand high-ceiling room. “I am the owner of the Iceberg Lounge,” he explained. “I guess the question I should be asking is…” he turned towards her and Marinette saw he had a domino mask over his eyes and a red half mask covering his nose and mouth, “who are you?” He threw something at her and she caught it.  She looked down and saw the Red Hood’s helmet, half of it looked as though someone tried to tear the metal open.  Then she remembered everything she had researched about the Red Hood, and the fight that took place not long after she arrived back in Gotham. “You…” she hissed. To be continued...

[mrs-harkness]

Run to Me (Part 6)

Pairing: Diane Sherman x Fem!Reader

Wordcount: 2.4k

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

Taglist: @fauxplant​ @deliacoven​ @escapetodreamworld​ @kikaykimkim​ @coffee-is-below-my-standards​

A/n: Enjoy! We are almost to the end!

You groaned, clinging to consciousness by only a thread. You used all your energy to force your eyes open, but it took a second for your eyes to adjust. You were back in the plush room of Diane's home, tucked under the covers. You went to move, but it was like your body wasn't working. Your muscles were too weak, too heavy. You picked up your head but it plopped right back down onto the pillow. You couldn't get up. You couldn't get away.

You whimpered, suddenly overwhelmed with the terror of the position you found yourself in. You felt tears spill out and over your cheeks, unable to wipe them away. You tried to contain your sobs but it was hard as you drew in ragged breaths, your asthma adding to the weight on your chest.

You heard footsteps hurrying down the hall over your labored breathing. You knew it was her. You knew she had heard you. You stared in terror as Diane appeared in doorway and rushed into the room. She sat in a chair that was placed right by the bedside, you just noticing it was there. You wondered how long she sat there, watching you lie unconscious.

She smiled at you, petting your head like she often did. She laid her head in her arms, propped up on the bed, her nose only inches from yours. She looked at your wordlessly, with admiration in her eyes and you stared back, terror in yours. A tear fell from your eyes and she quickly reached out and wiped it away.

"Are you in pain?" She asked you, concerned. Her hand lingered on your cheek, caressing it with her thumb. You bit your lip and found the strength you needed to speak.

"No, I-Im scared," you croaked.

Diane's face fell, she looked like she was in physical pain. Tears sprung up in the corner of her eyes, but she forced herself to smile.

"Wh-why would you be scared darling? I don't want you to be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of," she whispered, her breath warming your face. You saw her lip quiver a bit and she bit it to stop it. You knew she was starting to lose her cool.

"You drugged me and you lied. You lied to me Diane." You let out a sob, the pain in your chest unbearable. Not only were you scared, but you were hurt. You trusted Diane. You genuinely loved her.

You cried for real now, sobbing like that night on the kitchen floor. Diane sat up, her hands shaking slightly, reaching out for you.

"No no no. Don't cry. Please. I only gave you that because I was afraid you would hyperventilate. And I..." Diane paused, drawing in a breath. You wondered what story she was going to tell you now.

"I only lied to you because I didn't want you to think I couldn't take care of you. I do teach technically, I just substitute for another county. I take jobs when I need them and I know you needed me more."

She still wasn't telling you the truth.

"No Diane! Not just that! You lied about your daughter! You didn't have one, Chloe wasn't real. You tried to take someone's baby. You stalked my friend. You were in-"

"Chloe was real," Diane interrupted. Her voice was stern and serious and it frightened you down to your core.

"Chloe was real. She died in my arms, two hours old. I lost my child, and I lost my will to live. I was discharged like nothing happened. Like I hadn't lost my ENTIRE life in one awful moment. And there in the nursery window was all these healthy, perfect little babies, while mine laid downstairs in the morgue. I looked at them and knew none of their parents could love them as much as I could. I would give them a good life. So I made a mistake. And I paid my dues, I righted my wrongs. That was nearly 20 years ago Y/n, I am not the same person."

You felt like your heart was being pulled apart, confusion the only thing that was real to you anymore. You wanted to trust Diane, you wanted to believe she had just made a mistake, but it still felt like she was hiding something. You could see how she may have been driven to that from heartbreak, but was she remorseful? And what about Mandy?

Diane could tell you were conflicted and she was desperate to have you trust her again. To have you need her and want her. She got up from the chair and sat on the bed now, hovering over you.

"I promise Y/n, I would never hurt you. I am so sorry you believe I lied to you, that I hid things from you. As for Mandy, I'm not sure what she's talking about. I do know her from town, I even tutored her a few times in chemistry, but I did not stalk her. I believe she dislikes me due to the fact that I caught her having sex at her job and reported it to her manger. She was fired, and after that she was out to get me," she whispered, her hair tickling your face.

You had found it hard to believe what Mandy was telling you, but you also didn't think she would lie. Mandy loved you and only wanted to protect you. Plus, why would Mandy need help in chemistry, when it was what had earned her a scholarship to the school?

You didn't say anything and Diane seemed like she was crawling in her skin. She knew you didn't believe her, and she couldn't stand it. A broken cry fell from her mouth and she shut her eyes tight, trying to pretend this wasn't happening. Her fists were clenched beside you and she was visibly shaking. She looked like she was going to literally explode.

Then as if a switch flipped, she stopped. Her eyes opened, soft again. Her hands found your face and caressed it. She leaned down again and kissed the side of your face slowly.

"I'm sorry I scared you, but I am going to show you that you never have to feel like that again."

Her kisses began to trail up your face, the weight of her body pinning you to the mattress. Her lips felt warm on your skin, and oh so soft. You knew you were in danger, but there was a broken part of your heart that still wanted her affection. Still wanted her to love you like she was now.

She pulled back only slightly, enough to look at you in the eyes. Your eyes flicked down to her lips, but quickly back up to her face. She was demented and you were broken, a dangerous magnetization between the two of you. Not only did you fear she was going to really hurt you, you were also confused how she felt for you. This was a literal nightmare you could not seem to wake up from.

Her eyes were dark, and frightened you, your throat feeling like it was going to close. She looked down at your lips and then licked her own. She slowly leaned down, and your breath hitched in your chest. You closed your eyes, trying to convince yourself to find the strength to push her off.

Then, the door bell.

The door bell rang over and over again, followed by angry pounding against the front door. Diane sat up quickly, very flustered. She hopped off the bed, and looked around the door frame and down the hall.

"HEY! I know you're in there Diane and I know you have Y/N! Let me in now or I'm calling the police!"

Mandy! It was Mandy! She had come to rescue you!

Diane looked back to you, the pounding on the door becoming increasingly loud. She took a deep breath, smoothed back her hair, and moved down the hall. You breathed a sigh of relief. She was going to let her in. She was going to stop all of this.

You had woken up enough now to push yourself up, straining to hear down the hall. You heard the lock click and the door creak open, and immediately Mandy started yelling.

"How mental are you?! You kidnapped her! You realize that right?"

Mandy's voice seemed so far away, you could barely hear her. You needed to get closer.

"I did not kidnap her. Do not say that. I saw her, flat out on the floor of a coffee shop struggling to breathe," Diane shot back. Her voice was alarmingly calm.

You pulled yourself out from under the covers, using what little muscle control you had to move to the edge of the bed.

"You also hit her with your car! Yeah, she told me about that! You didn't even take her to the hospital! She could be suffering from a concussion and you picked her up like some sort of puppy you found. What kind of twisted crazy bitch are you?"

You pushed yourself off the mattress, landing on the floor with a thud. It hurt, but being graceful wasn't the goal. You began to pull your self with your arms towards the door frame, your legs still numb and weak.

"I don't appreciate you coming to my home and beating down the door to call me awful names. I do not keep Y/n hostage. She has been able to leave when ever she likes, but she chooses to stay. Did you even ask her what she wanted? What she felt before you started telling her what to do?" Diane's voice was getting heated now. She was upset.

You dragged yourself again, grunting and straining to make it to the door. You passed the dresser finally, almost to the door, when unknowingly you got your foot caught in the cord to a lamp and you pulled it with you. It flew off the dresser, hitting the floor and shattering. Silence fell for just a moment before Mandy started screaming again.

"Y/n?! Y/n, are you okay? Let me see her! Now!"

There was a pause before Diane answered.

"Don't shout. You may come in. She's down the hall on the left."

You made it to the door and heard Mandy shuffle past Diane, walking quickly down the hall. Relief filled your body. She had come for you and soon this would all be over.

As if the universe could hear your thoughts, a sickening smack echoed in the hall followed by what sounded like a body dropping to the floor. You covered your mouth to stifle a cry and to keep your ragged breathing quiet as you looked around the door frame into the hallway.

You saw Mandy, laying on the floor, Diane standing over her with the lamp from the entry way table in her hand. You watched as she calmly put it back, stepped over Mandy, and opened the basement door. She struggled to pick Mandy up as she dragged her towards the basement, hiding her away.

You pulled yourself back in and leaned against the wall. You had to get out but first you had to check on Mandy. You weren't sure if she was dead or just knocked out, but either way you couldn't let her stay down there. But that meant not only did you need to get down to the basement, you needed to get rid of Diane.

You shut your eyes tight, trying to force yourself to calm down. Now it was Mandy who needed you and that meant she needed you to think and come up with a plan. You took in a deep breath and opened your eyes to look around the room.

There wasn't anything heavy enough to hit her with now that you had broken the lamp, and honestly even though Diane had lost her mind, you didn't want to hurt her. You needed to be smart about this. That's when you saw the window was slightly ajar. That was your answer.

Maybe it was adrenaline or whatever Diane had given you wearing off, but now you could support yourself on all fours. You crawled over like a child to the window, trying your best to avoid the shards of ceramic that littered the floor. One got into your hand though, cutting it. You hissed but continued on.

You reached the window and pulled it open all the way. You looked down and saw that it was an acceptable height, it might jar you a bit, but you would be fine from the fall. You had started bleeding from the cut and it stained the window, and you could only hope it didn't leave a trail.

Just then though, you heard the basement door open and close again. Footsteps echoed in the hall. You had to go now. You desperately tried to pull yourself up, but your legs were still not fully cooperating and they buckled under your weight. You cried in frustration, trying to make your legs work so you could jump out and run but you just couldn't and you sunk back down to the floor.

You couldn't give up, so you made a last minute decision to pull yourself under the bed, hiding instead. You covered your mouth again, muffling the wheezing breath that fell from your mouth. You watched as Diane's feet appeared in the door way and stopped for just a moment before running into the room.

She went straight to the window and you assumed she thought you must have managed to get out of it.

"NOOOOO!" Diane screamed, her shriek ringing through the entire house. She then ran back out of the room. You heard the front door slam open a moment later, and then the house was eerily silent.

You waited a few more minutes before crawling out from under the bed and to the door. You used the frame to pull yourself up and peer down the hall. The front door was wide open. You were alone in the house.

You teetered to the basement door and stood in front of it. You had promised Diane you'd never go down there, but obviously words and promises were worthless between the two of you at this point.

You took a breath and turned the knob of the door, pushing it open and descending down the stairs into the darkness and the secrets that lie below.

[shypansexualcrystal]

Older Steven x Bi Female Reader Yeah it’s not pride month, just had to share this idea. Reader recently came out as bi but has a rough time with it due to her family. Steven, after seeing Reader so broken over her family rejecting her, invites her to join him and the gems In going to Pride in Empire City. To show her that she’s not alone, that he loves her so much and her sexuality is a beautiful part of her that makes her unique. Inspiration for this was This Is Me from the Greatest Showman.

I am proud of who I am.

Title: I am proud of who I am.

Type: Fluff/angst

Character: Steven Universe

From: Steven Universe

Pairing: Older Steven Universe X Reader

I love this so much because I relate to not telling my family I'm bisexual as well. It was nice to write this knowing that I will always be accepted, if not by them but by others. Though I know they'll always be supportive of me.

Halfway through this, I realized that it said Bi Female Reader but I didn't see that until I was like 2500 words in so yeah, it's gender-neutral, sorry.

Also to make up for the lack of uploads this is like 3500+ words.

Unedited.

Key:

(n/n) = Nickname

!Warning! Sensitive topics ahead, just their parent not accepting them and being rude but still a touchy subject, just a heads up.

~~~

"(Y/n) please, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, stop ignoring me!" Steven tried to grab my hand as I brushed him off for the fifth time since arriving at his house. He grew fed up with me disregarding him and so he grabbed my shoulders in a tight grip.

I tried to lean out of his hold but he wouldn't allow me too and in return brought me closer. "And I'm trying to subtly avoid it!" I yelled in anguish. "Please let me go, Steven." Tears filled my eyes while I continued to thrash in his slowly loosening grip. "Please." My voice cracked as I slowly let down the barricade of emotions I was holding in.

Rather than letting me go, he brought me into a warm hug. Before I could protest, Steven spoke up, "You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but you can cry if you need to, I'll always be here for you." He spoke with warmth in his voice, as if talking to a scared and frightened animal. "And know that whenever you need me, I'll be there for you, like you are for me all the time." The more he talked and comforted me, the more I sunk into his loving embrace.

Shakily taking in a breath I tried to clear my throat and stop the tears so I could speak, trying to sound less defeated then I am. "My parents rejected me when I came out as Bisexual." I managed to mutter through the cries of pain. "They told me I wasn't bisexual and that I either liked boys or girls and that saying liking both is me being greedy. But then they also questioned us and our relationship," I breathed in,  gathering my emotions, anger began to take over the sadness as I tried to explain to Steven what happened.

"They believed that because I was dating you I was only using you and that I shouldn't be with you. They made me feel disgusted for being myself. I felt weak and helpless as if I wasn't free to be who I want to be. For once in my entire life, I didn't feel comfortable being me." A shaky breath of air pushed past my lips as I closed my eyes in anger. Stevens's face held a look of sympathy as he cupped my cheeks with his soft hands making me look at him. His thumbs gingerly wiped away the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

Once the tears stopped, I closed my eyes and put all my weight onto him, as I did I felt Steven lay kisses on each of my eyelids, instantly the sting from crying disappeared and my eyes were no longer puffy. The kisses alone spoke volumes to me of just how much he loved me, which made me overwhelmed with affection that my parents refused to give me moment prier. "I'm sure they're just trying to wrap their heads around it, feel free to stay here for however long you want, either way, I know that you might not want to see them for a while. You have plenty of clothes leftover from previous visits anyway."

"Thank you, your the best." I pressed my face against his chest, just above his heart so I could hear it beating steadily, relaxing me further.

"I know I am." He grinned smugly, I didn't have to look up to know that much as I could hear it in his voice.

/Later on that week\

I ran my hands through my hair for what seemed to be the hundredth time in the past minute. My parents were still questioning everything about me and my sexuality, and about my relationship with Steven which was honestly making me frustrated more than anything since they were always so supportive of our relationship before, now they were questioning everything about us. They believed that I was only using steven to say I was in a relationship and they thought I'd ditch him as soon as someone new that takes my interest comes along. Which was so far from the truth, sure I teased Steven when I saw someone cute or handsome, but I never took it further than teasing because I love Steven so much that I can't put it into words, even if I tried my hardest it still wouldn't show just how much he meant to me.

It was just approaching dinner time and I was currently in my bed just scrolling through my social media and minding my own business, however, it seemed as if I couldn't relax in my own world like I wanted to since I was just stressing over my parent's approval. I could hear my mother on the phone with my father, talking about me once again. Honestly, give me a break.

I was about to throw my phone on my bed and march down the stairs to explain to my pea-sized brained parents that just because I'm bi, doesn't change how I feel and act but before I could even put that thought into action my phone pinged. I had honestly never been more relieved in my life when getting a text from Steven. Actually, that's a lie, his life is pretty insane and any text to let me know he's safe is enough to make me relieved

Sbeve: Hey, (n/n).  I've got something for you that I think you'll love. Are you free right now?

You: Yeah, why? What is it?

Sbeve: Its a surprise ;)

Ok, now my mood was improving, just texting Steven made my shitty morning better. Since it seemed as if I would have to get up and ready, as well as eat breakfast, I thought I might as well get up now. It was a good thing I went to bed after having a shower otherwise I don't think I would have enough time to be up, dressed, and ready for steven. Once I put on a decent enough outfit, I skidded down the hall and down the stairs before rushing into the kitchen like I've been doing since we moved into this house, however this time it felt as if I did something wrong when my mother looked up from her phone and made direct eye contact with me. I smiled awkwardly as to not be rude, but she just continued to stare.

I rolled my eyes at her lack of response, "you know if you're going to talk about me at least make sure you're in a room that isn't directly under my room and echos." I gave a tired smile as I looked at her with eyes that screamed 'im in pain, please just accept me for who I am'.

She still didn't say anything, but I didn't expect anything else. I continued to make and eat my dinner before making my way out the kitchen and back into my room and kicking the door closed before the door shut a hand stopped it. Looking up quickly, I saw my brother there. "Hey, I heard what happened, just wanted to see if you're doing ok." My brother was the one I turned to when I was at home and didn't have anyone else.

"I'm fine." I brushed him off, just like I always do when I don't want to talk about my feelings.

"Well, even if you say that you are, just know I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or a pair of ears to rant to, or even rough house with to release pent up anger. I'm here." He crossed his arms and lent against the doorway while I sat at my windowsill, looking out to try and catch a glimpse of steven.

"I know you are, and I can't be more grateful to have a brother like you." I smiled at him gratefully, it was broken and barely there but it was still a smile. My mental health had plummeted since I was rejected by my parents, and I know how much steven and my brother, as well as my friends, have been with me and trying to get me out of my slump of negative thoughts, all I wanted was my parent's approval. I'm grateful, truly I am, but when the person you always listen to and have looked in for guidance doesn't accept you for being yourself. It hurts. So, so bad.

"Stevens taking me out somewhere, at least I think he is," I muttered, knowing my brother would want to know where I was going. "I might not be back for a while but I'll text you if I stay out for the night." My brother nodded, kicking himself back up straight he turned and closed the door behind him, not before shouting out a teasing comment like he always does, which he seems to be doing more often as of recently.

"Remember, if you do stay out, use protection, I don't want to be an uncle to magic, 1/4 gem babies just yet, wait a couple of years for that." I flushed and giggled while hiding my face in my hands as I shout out his name in both embarrassment and joking anger. All I heard was his manic laughing as he walked away from the closed door. Trying to distract myself from my thoughts I went back onto my phone to mess around, which was easier said than done.

My thoughts filled my head, ranging from Steven and how much he and my brother have been there for me since coming out to my parents then my thoughts drifted to if my parents will ever accept me for who I am. Toxic thoughts began to creep in, my thoughts we cut off from someone knocking on my door. "What do you want now, (B/n)?" I rolled my eyes.

My door opened and Steven poked his head through the gap. There was silence for a bit until steven broke, "did I come at a bad time?" He stepped into my room and closed it after he was in.

"No, you came at the perfect timing," I said smiling at him genuinely he chuckled as he came and sat next to me on my bed. "I need a hug," I whispered, Steven, pulled me to sit between his legs with my back against his chest he then wrapped his arms around me. Instantly a warmth spread through my chest. "Thanks, Steven. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for."

Steven laughed into my ear, "I'm the only boyfriend you've had." He teased me. We exchanged teasing comments to each other for a while when he suddenly jumped up, shoving me off him in the progress.

"Woah!"

"Sorry!" Steven apologised, he scrambled through my room, looking through my clothes. I went to go and question what he was doing before he threw something at me. Grabbing the thing that fell on me I looked at the jumper in confusion. "It's cold outside and I don't want you getting sick like you did when we went trick or treating." Puzzled I pulled the jumper over my head and got up from my bed.

"Where are we going?" Steven didn't say anything and just grabbed my hand while running through and out of my house. I tripped over my feet a few times as Steven pulled me along with him, we ran across the boardwalk, waved at people we recognised which was practically everyone and ran towards the beach. Hardly anyone was at the beach since it was cold out, however, there were a few people scattered around here and there, the sun was in the sky and it was bright out, but even then with the sun out and shinning it was still pretty chilly, it got even colder when we ran into the shadow from the massive statue carved into the side of the cliff face. Eventually, we arrived at Stevens house, Stevens dad, Greg, and the crystal gems stood besides Greg's van. Once they all spotted us I waved at them, which in return got them all to wave back.

"Steven, (Y/n)! I was beginning to think that you two had got lost on the way here." Greg joked, I really liked Greg, he was such a good father to Steven and even became like my second father when my own parents decided that I wasn't good enough for them.

"Hey, dad! Is everything ready?" Steven jumped in excitedly, he was always full of energy and it made everything so much better with him around due to his happy go lucky outlook on life, it really did go against everything negative that happened in both our lives, no matter the circumstances he always seems to brighten up any room with a simple smile, it was comforting.

"Yep! We were just waiting on you two to come back." Greg told us, "well? What are you waiting for? Hop in it time to go!" Greg grinned while opening the back of the van for us, let us all get in and get comfortable before setting off. In the back of the van was me, Steven, Garnet and Amethyst while Pearl sat upfront with Greg.

"So do you plan on telling me where we're heading to or are you going to make me wait?" I ask in anxiousness, I really don't like surprises, never have never will, just the thought of being taken somewhere and not knowing what's going to happen fills me with anxiety, but I trust Steven, so I allow him to lead me on these wild adventures that seem to happen in his everyday life.

"Nope! It's a surprise, and I know how much you hate them but you're just going to have to trust me when I say you will absolutely love this!" Steven replied with that energy that never seems to leave him. I groan a little while flopping on the floor of the van, head in Stevens lap, gazing up at him only for him to smile down at me with a cheeky smile that he always gives me when he knows that I'll love whatever we do for date night.

I whine for a little bit but soon get over it and start chatting with the gems in the back while using Stevens lap as a pillow. After a 2 and a half drive, we finally pull into the very crowded Empire City, once I realise this I jump up and out of Stevens lap to see all the bright flashing lights and flags everywhere, music blasting in the background with happy laughter and screaming from the fair rides ring out. Hearing and seeing all the excitement made a genuine smile appear, i know exactly where we were and i couldn't be any happier. "Steven, you haven't just kidnapped me from my house to take me to a surprise pride parade have you?"

Steven rubbed the back of the neck while adverting his gaze, a blush raised to his cheeks. "Maybe? I just thought that since the whole negativity with your family was making you feel sad I'd surprise you with this and I didn't know if you'd like it or not. I just wanted to take you here to show you that your not alone and that people love and accept you for being yourself and i want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that no matter what I'll always love you and be there and support you, even in the darkest times." Steven finished his mini-speech with a nervous giggle.

I lunged at him and hugged him close to my chest while tears filled my eyes, "Steven, I love you so much, your too good for this world." I choke on my tears and Steven holds me against him.

Amethyst decided was a good time to pipe up, "yo, he totally practised that in the mirror." Steven yelled and soon the van was filled with laughter. Giggling I snuggled into Steven while he buried his face into my jumper to hide his embarrassment. During that time Greg managed to find a place to park up and we all got out and into the cold November air, on the way out Steven grabbed a bag from the back and pulled the straps around his shoulders. I shivered which lead to Steven pulling me into his side. Walking into the heart of the parade was like something I've never experienced before, the sun would be setting soon and the parade would only continue to be colourful and amazing from there.

Stumbling around for a little we walked around a little, it was like a regular everyday fair but even better. All around me were loving and caring people, within only a few minutes of being here we had already been given a bisexual pride flag and some glitter face paint for free! It was an amazing experience, and I loved that I was going through it all with Steven at my side every step of the way. Steven and I were just casually strolling through the crowd, we went on rides here and there, at some point we split up from the others and just went around on our own.

At the moment Steven had a hold of my hand in a firm enough grip so that I wouldn't be separated from him as he leads me through the dense masses of people dancing and enjoying listening to the music. By now a few hours had passed and it was now 8 pm. The sky was pitch black and the stars could barely be seen due to the light pollution of the neon spotlights flashing around us. A hill came into view and we climbed up it, once up high enough Steven stopped us from walking, taking the bag from his shoulders he opened it and pulled out a blanket, he lay it down then proceeded to pull out my favourite drink and some other snacks. Steven sat down on the blanket and i followed him.

We ate a little bit of the food and drinking a little we snuggled up close to keep warm, I rested my head on his arm while laying on my side and holding onto his torso. We were still close enough to hear the music, considering there was a pair of speakers up on the hill, there was also a few others up here with us. The music stopped for a little while and Steven checked his phone, I glanced over to see that the time was 8:30 pm. Steven put his phone away and adjusted us so that we could both see the sky clearly. "What's up?" I tried to ask him.

Steven smiled down at me while kissing my forehead, "nothing you should worry about just watch the sky." He told me, humming suspiciously i did as he said. Suddenly music started up from behind us and to the tune of the song, the sky lit up with fireworks. The first bang made me jump since I wasnt expecting it. Steven giggled at me as i looked at the sky in wonder and awe. As the last song faded out, the next one began to play. Just as 'This is me' began to play i pushed myself up and looked down at steven with a smile and excitement.

I felt happy and like my normal self as Steven jumped to his feet and pulled me up with him, the fireworks going off behind made this moment more magical as we danced and laughed, the finale of the night ended with a bang and I loved every second. Panting and chuckling at each other I loved into Stevens's eyes as we held each other to keep one another steady. As the song faded out Steven placed a kiss on my lips, fireworks went off and lit us up as we connected. Nothing but the passion was in the kiss, the overwhelming amount of love that words can describe was felt throughout the kiss. Once we pulled away Steven looked at me with stary eyes.

My eyes filled with happy tears as looked at the man who i loved with my whole heart. "I love you, Steven Universe." I croaked out.

Steven pulled me into another kiss, although this one didn't last as long the passion was still there. "And I love you too, (Y/n) (L/n). All of you, all your flaws all your talents and scars, I love you. And I'm proud of you, and who you are. I'm proud to call you mine, I'm proud that you're still standing strong after being broken, I'm proud of you for being you. You are not alone in this world, and you are loved, it not by your parents then by me. Nothing will change that." Steven smiled at me warmly, i returned it and instantly knew that I'd get thought this and for once since I came out as Bisexual...

I am proud of who I am.

[tobacconist]

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.  then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.  i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while. 

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

[chimchimsauce]

Sanctuary (14)

YN is a young girl, bright and ambitious, but due to her busy schedule, she’s been unable to make any real friends. When an ad for Saint Mary’s Sanctuary catches her attention, she never expected her life to be changed by a certain hybrid named Jimin.

Tag List:  @feed-my-geek-soul @raspberryhaterade  @dinorahrodriguez @loriosborne @majestikblue  @younginfluencernut-blog @jiminotopia @yady24 @amoretti-rossetti  @j-hofe7 @scared-money @alina-foxy @catwhipes  @cloudyfelix @justfollowbacon @chims-kookies @hoodiebangtan  @xanny91 @catarina-catycaty @lewd-lemon @yaseminflames  @lulanii @jeonsdear @omgsasusakulover @let-fred-live @perfectlyfangirling @daddyjoonie @meganleafmusic  @okayjinmin  @blueskys-brightstars @boononx  @bubblefishrainbow  @scamanderbeasts @cjisluckycharm @artsy-gingersnap  @yoongi-bias @miraiikki @ccocorosie @pauline-pao @skyebloodhood  @mochi-you-are-beautiful @mixedfandxms @vixsynsblog  @mypurplelamp @acupoftaewithsuga @xthefuckerysquaredx  @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @young-yellkie @yoonjinbabe @animedreamscometrue @thefutureiswithyou  @2seokkyo @x-josii-x  @childish—soul @accfrtmblr @lilliaflurr @daddyvernon   @blondkris @byentutin @jiminslye @moostachoaway  @veryuniqueusernamegoeshere @beatstotheheart @im-a-percy  @upbangtansonyeondan @stargazingmoonchild @dreadity  @lovesickpjms  @nanie5  

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

As the months turn from fall into winter, the two people occupying the small apartment grow and change, YN withering away under the pressure having to support two adults brings while Jimin seems to blossom, proud of his achievements and blissful fairy tales playing in his head. 

Today is the day Jimin will finally reveal his master plan, sweep YN off of her feet just like in the movies. He's noticed how tired she's been the last few weeks and can't help but feel at least some guilt about everything. He's taken it upon himself to keep the house tidy, learning how to do the laundry, dishes, sweep and vacuum, and make dinner. YN is always so grateful for his efforts, making sure to give him extra cuddles. Even though he's convinced the washing machine wants to eat him, he'll battle it every day if it means she'll give him that smile he adores, bring his body close to her own. 

Jimin feels an uncomfortable heat come over him as he folds clothes, pulling at his collar slightly. The wolf ignores it, attempting to continue his chore. It's the last thing he had on his to-do list for today, as he's already finished his online university classes and dusted all the furniture. But the uncomfortable feeling continues. When he begins to sweat, he shrugs off his sweater and tosses it onto the bed, rubbing his neck. It doesn't help at all. Jimin continues to feel painfully warm to the point he strips naked and takes an ice cold shower in the middle of winter. It provides no relief and exasperated, the wolf turns off the water, not wanting to run up YN's bill.

YN.

The thought of her brews an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, a coil wrapped too tightly. The heat seems to hone in on his crotch, Jimin nearly doubling over when he accidentally brushes over the area. 

When YN finally comes home, she shrieks, finding a lucid Jimin sprawled shirtless on the kitchen tile, mumbling incoherently. 

“Jimin!” YN tosses her things to the ground, running to him and pulling him into her lap, shaky hands cradling his face, “Jimin,” 

The wolf's eyes open, melted gold shining through.

“YN,” he words are soft, eyes traveling over the girl's face as if he's not convinced she's real.

“What's wrong, Minie? You're absolutely burning up! We need to get you to the doctor,”

Jimin just shakes his head.

“No. No, just stay with me. Let me hold you,” he murmurs, rubbing his face in her hair.

“Jimin, you could be really ill. Let me call Taehyung -”

He growls, frightening her.

“I said no,” he snarls out, pushing up from his position and knocking the poor girl over, draping himself over her, “I need you to help me. It has to be you,”

“Jimin what's gotten into you?”

He doesn't respond, burying his face in her neck. YN tries to move but Jimin whines, a pathetic sounding noise escaping him.

“Please stay. Please. It's so hot,”

It's then when she feels something poking at her thigh, the girl wiggling to escape it. There's a moan, breathy, that escapes Jimin’s open mouth, his eyes flicking up to catch her bewildered gaze.

“Do it again,” 

“What?” The girl asks, breathless; He's squishing her. 

“Please. Touch me,”

“What's gotten into you, Jimin? You're not being yourself,”

“But I am. I'm being more of myself than I have been before. I want you to touch me. I've imagined it so many times. I just wanna show you how much I love you,”

YN is not sure how to process anything that's going on.

“Let's just get you into bed, okay, Jiminie? I'm sure we can figure this out, alright,”

“There's nothing to figure out, YN. I need you to touch me. Now,”

All evening, it's impossible for YN to go anywhere without Jimin following her, whining and saying some things she would have never believed would come out of his mouth. Finally, when he's knocked out, she escapes his needy clutches, fanning herself. He almost got to her, truly, but she knows something is wrong with him.

Standing out in the freezing cold, both to calm down and to prevent Jimin from hearing her, she dials Taehyung’s number. 

“Hello?” He asks, sounding very cheery. 

“Tae,” she says, teeth chattering, “I need your help. Something’s wrong with Jimin,”

“What? What's going on?” He asks, sounding concerned.

“He's been really clingy, literally climbing onto me. And saying some . . . things. Really erotic things, oh my God. He's burning up,”

Tae is silent for a moment. 

“Is he not neutered?” A pause. 

“Is he not what??”

“Shit, YN, this is bad,”

“What's bad? What's going on? What's wrong with him?”

“He's in heat,”

“Like a dog? What?”

“Um,” he says, some rustling in the background, “Usually, hybrids don't go into heat. Like ever. Back when he was at Saint Mary's, he said he never went into heat, this shouldn't be happening. Let me do some research,”

“What do I do now?”

“That's up to you. But either he gets help, or this lasts for three weeks or so. I’ll call you in the morning and tell you what I found but be careful. He's a wolf right now, all the way”

“YN! BABY? WHERE ARE YOU?” YN hears Jimin shout from inside.

He must have woken up. 

It's gonna be a long night.

When she returns to the frightened looking wolf, his face instantly relaxes, the man gathering her into his arms.

“Don't disappear like that. You scared me,” he says, cuddling her close, “And you're so cold,”

For a moment, YN allows herself to melt into his embrace, his usual caring self shining through at the moment. 

“I'm okay, Minie. I really am. I should be worried about you, not the other way around,”

He follows closely behind her as she walks back into their bedroom, the man dragging her down onto the sheets. 

“Don't worry, Jimin, I'll help you,”

His eyes open wide like saucers before they narrow, an air of arrogance surrounding him. He grins at the girl, fingers finding her hips.

“No, I mean, get you help. I'll get you help, Minie,” YN says, ignoring the tingle in her stomach and pushing his hands away.

“You're the only one who can help me,” He says, hands pressing into her thighs.

“Tae told me what's going on with you, sweetheart. I know you can't help what you're feeling or saying right now,” she says, refusing to meet his golden eyes, “First thing in the morning, we'll get you whatever you need. You just have to make it through the night, okay?”

He's not listening to her, not at all.

“Please? It hurts. So much, everything hurts, YN please help me. Please,”

She wants to crumble. She really does.  A small part of her, a part she doesn't like to admit she has, wishes that this was genuine, that Jimin really did feel the way he did, that he was her boyfriend, not just someone she's giving asylum. It's the way he treats her. Kindly, warmly, lovingly. Every day she comes home, Jimin is waiting at home with cuddles, asking about her day. And him, himself. Jimin is such a bright, sweet, and smart person. She really couldn't help crushing on him.

But that's just the way he is. 

So she won't touch him, no matter how much she wants to. She doesn't want to cross any permanent lines, hurt herself or hurt Jimin. 

When it's clear her words aren't getting through to him, she captures his hands together, bounding them together with the scarf she's wearing.

“This is kinky,”

“No, this is me making sure you don't do something you'll regret,”

He looks up at her, some foreign feeling dancing in his eyes.

Effortlessly, he undoes the shoddy knot, grasping her hands and squeezing gently.

“I won’t regret anything, baby. I'll help you too. I swear,”

“I don't need help, Jimin. Let's just go to sleep, okay? Just sleep,”

“Can I cuddle you? Please? At least this much,”

Wordlessly, she allows her wolf to gather her in his arms, ignoring the way he has her butt planted firmly against him, his warmth rendering a blanket unnecessary.

Chapter Fifteen

[fearingtwd]

What Honesty Gets You (Chris Manawa Imagine)

prompt:  I NEED A CHRIS IMAGINE. I'm coping with his death by reading :,) could i have one where y/n is pregnant and it's his and they're on the boat

requested: by anonymous word count: 7,484 warnings: language, suggestive themes

a/n: this will probably have a part two eventually also its slightly au bc they left the boat after like 6 episodes in the show and honestly? im here for boat shenanigans. they coulda stayed on the abigail the rest of the show bickering and i woulda eaten it up also i went a lil overboard with this imagine no boat pun intended lets fcking gooo

masterlist

It was never silent on the boat, not even at night when everybody was below deck sleeping. You could hear the sound of waves smacking against the side of the ship. It took a while for you to be able to find that noise mixed with the hum from the engine relaxing enough to fall asleep. Now, you’d have no problem drifting off. All you needed was darkness and the reassurance that Alicia was in the room with you. After everything that’s happened, you were admittedly too frightened to sleep in a room alone. Or maybe you were just scared of being alone in general. 

How you ended up with the Clarks with your family out of the picture was quite a long story and you tried not to relive it since you didn’t know their fate. But having no blood relatives on board did make you feel lonely. Even though Madison treated you like a daughter, you weren’t naive enough to believe that if God forbid something happened where she could only save you or Alicia, she would ever choose saving you over her biological daughter. 

So maybe that’s why you felt you had to get close with somebody. 

You first approached him after he practically tossed his deceased mother overboard. What better way to bond with someone than to talk about how shitty the universe was treating you both? He wasn’t amused and had no desire to talk to you. You respectfully gave him the space he needed, but hell if he thought that would be the last time you tried to talk to him. 

It took him a while to open up to you, and you never pushed him to. Every time he did, it was because he was ready. Even with the world ending all around you, every time you sat down and talked with him, you felt a sense of safety - like, perhaps if the infected started falling from the sky, he might be the first one to pull you inside and save your life. It was a heartwarming thought. 

He sought you out one night, surprisingly in the mood to talk. You were wide awake because Alicia was spending the night on deck. He sat in your bunk and while he spoke about his life before the outbreak, you were staring at his lips. Thankfully, there was little to no light in the room because your cheeks were undoubtedly flushed. And you were so lost in your own thoughts about how handsome he looked in the dimness, you didn’t even realize he had stopped talking and noticed where your glance had fallen. 

“Y/N?”

The sound of your name is what brought you back to the moment. “What?”

You couldn’t tell for sure, but he seemed to be fighting back a smirk. “Are you okay? You looked, um, a little out of it for a minute.” 

Your heart skipped a few beats when you realized he must have noticed you staring - so you attempted to play it cool. “Yeah, sorry. Sometimes my mind just, you know, kind of wanders off.”

He gave a nod. “So what were you thinking about?” 

Oh, you know, just thinking about kissing you all over your face and telling you that I think I’m totally falling for you. The usual. 

“Dogs,” you blurted out. 

“You were thinking about dogs?” He raised an eyebrow.

It was random but you had to go along with it. “Yeah, ‘cause the world as we know it has fallen off the deep end and people are dying and coming back to life, but I hope there’s somebody back on land taking care of all the dogs.” 

He stifled a laugh. “Alright, fair enough. Wanna tell me what you were really thinking now?” 

You felt the air was punched right out of your lungs. There was no doubt in your mind that his question visibly caught you off guard. Lying to get out of it again would be a waste of time. The room was quiet, save for the humming of the engine and the ocean waves. 

Biting your lip, you decided to just be frank about how talking to him made you feel lately. You admitted that you enjoyed his company, more than anyone else on board. You told him you found him undeniably attractive. And finally, you confessed that you were thinking about kissing him. 

His response, after a brief moment of utter shock, was to press his mouth against yours. You almost gasped as your lips connected. It didn’t remain the tender kiss it started as. It turned into sloppy, hungry kisses filled with pure desire. And you were okay with that because you suddenly felt as close with a person as you could ever be. 

When you woke up, the room was bright and you were alone. Alone and topless. You shuffled out of the bed to find your bra, clipping it on as Alicia walked into the room. 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you were getting dressed,” she muttered. 

If only she knew the half of it. 

.

You half-expected things with Chris to be completely awkward following your night of romance, but they weren’t. Around everybody else, you both acted like nothing happened. But when you were alone, you were holding hands and still enjoying each other’s company.

To be honest, you were getting sick of living on The Abigail. So when Madison said they should make a trip to land soon just to stock up on supplies, you nearly jumped for joy. You would have really jumped if you weren’t nauseous. You had been feeling lousy the past couple days and with all the sudden nausea, you were sure it was your body telling you to get off the boat for a while. 

The next morning as Strand was docking the Abigail, you awoke feeling sick to your stomach again. When you got on deck, you unexpectedly ran to the side of the ship and vomited. Everyone stopped and stared, and Chris was the first to approach you carefully.

“You okay?” he asked in a soft voice.

Before you could respond, Strand interrupted, “You better not have gotten your upchuck on the side of my boat.” 

You glanced down. You did, a little bit. But you weren’t going to say anything. You leaned your forehead against the banister, feeling a bit dizzy. It’s not like you had much in your stomach to puke up.

“Maybe you caught a stomach bug or something,” Chris suggested. You weren’t sure, but it certainly wasn’t unlikely. With everyone cramped in such a tight space, somebody was bound to get sick.

When you felt okay enough to walk back inside, Madison glanced at you. “You’re not coming with us. You need to get some rest.”

“I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing,” you countered, wanting to contribute. The last time you went to land, you were gathering belongings from a plane crash and that didn’t end up working out very well. You knew things could go wrong and you wanted to be there to help out in case they did. 

Ofelia stood up from the couch. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be on board too.” She was still nursing her shoulder though it had begun to heal nicely, all things considered. There was no use in fighting, so you just nodded. 

Alicia grinned, “Hey, if we can find clothes, I’ll pick you up something nice.” 

“Yes, but clothes is not at the top of our list,” Madison said. “Food, medicine-”

“Feminine napkins,” Alicia added. “We’re almost out.”

Were you guys running low? You didn’t even notice. It had been a while since you last ransacked the bathroom looking for some. 

Everybody was ready to head off. Strand, Ofelia, and yourself stayed behind. 

In all the chaos of everybody figuring out who was going to wander off in which direction in what groups, you pulled Chris aside. “Be careful, okay?” you whispered. 

He nodded, “Of course.”

“And don’t wander off this time,” you lectured. 

Rolling his eyes, he replied, “Got it.” 

You weren’t trying to patronize him and you realized that’s how it probably came across. You genuinely just wanted him to be safe. Before he could walk away, you grabbed a hold of his arm. He seemed taken aback. “I mean it. I want you to come back in one piece, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Travis’ voice calling out for Chris startled you both. He said goodbye and shuffled off. As soon as he was out of your line of sight along with Alicia, Travis, Nick, Madison and Daniel you walked down to your shared room with Alicia to relax. 

You had about two minutes to yourself before Strand burst into your room, yelling about how you did get puke on the boat. You told him to clean it with his ego and then locked yourself in the bathroom. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The bags under your eyes weren’t as awful or prominent as you thought they’d be. Your mind wandered back to Alicia’s comment about feminine napkins earlier. Pads. You and Alicia had been on the same cycle, presumably since you spent so much time together after being locked in the military safe zone at the start. It had been well over a month since you last got your period - if you calculated the days correctly, that is. You stood in confusion, even pulled your pants down to check if you got your period without realizing it. You didn’t. 

And then a surge of panic ran through your veins. You exited the bathroom on a mission. Ofelia was sitting by the swimming deck. She smiled as you took a seat beside her. 

“You feeling any better?” she asked sweetly. 

Less nauseous? Yes. Better? No. 

“A little bit. If I ask you something, can you promise to keep as neutral a reaction as possible to maybe keep me from freaking out?” you asked, toying with a loose thread at the hem of your shirt. You felt like your throat was closing. 

“Sure,” she answered wearily.

“So, I was just wondering, like, out of the blue this totally just popped into my head and I got curious. Um, have you ever been pregnant?” you rambled. 

She only raised an eyebrow in response and said, “No. Why?”

A gust of wind blew your hair to the side and you tossed it out of your face, trying to figure out what to say next. Your palms were growing clammy. So you took a deep breath and let it out slowly before softly telling her, “My period is late.”

“You’re probably just stressed, Y/N. I mean, you know what has to happen in order to get pregnant, right?” 

You groaned, thinking back on your time in health class. Oh, you definitely knew what had to happen. “Um, just forget this entire conversation, okay?” 

Before she could say anything, you were jogging back inside to the sleeping quarters to find your backpack. 

“What are you doing?” 

You let out a yelp and spun around. Ofelia was standing in the doorway. You didn’t even realize she followed you.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you said, putting a hand to your heart. 

She crossed her arms, eyes narrowed. “Sorry. Y/N, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing,” you said casually, tossing the backpack over your shoulder. “Just going for a walk.” Except she wouldn’t let you past. “Do you want to, like, move please?” 

“Tell me what you’re doing,” she demanded. There was a part of you that was flattered she seemed to care, maybe she was even worried about you. But the other part of you needed her to get out of your way. 

Tightening your grip on the backpack strap, you let out a frustrated huff of air. “Not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your business.” 

“I think you made it my business when you started asking me about being pregnant - which by the way, how old do you think I am?” 

You bit the inside of your cheek, ignoring that you might have offended her. Besides, it wasn’t that uncommon for young unmarried women to have kids or at least pregnancy scares. It was fairly modern. 

“Look, I... I have to... I’m feeling better and if I leave now I can catch up with Alicia and-”

“Y/N, please. Just tell me the truth.” 

Telling the truth was what got you into this situation, wasn’t it? You told Chris how you felt about him and now were nauseous, lethargic, your period was late, and in all honesty your boobs seemed to have swelled and gotten a little bigger. The last point wasn’t entirely negative though. But, you were already in this situation. And maybe being truthful this time around wouldn’t bite you in the ass. You didn’t regret your night with Chris. It was a little clumsy and awkward, but sweet too, and it felt so good. However, you wished you took some precaution.  

“The truth is I think I’m having a baby and I’m fucking terrified.” You didn’t even recognize your voice. It sounded so distant, and your eyes were welling up with tears, about to burst out. 

Great. Add overemotional to the list too. 

Ofelia only tilted her head in confusion. “I don’t understand. How could you be having a baby?” 

“I got a visit from the stork,” you said bitterly, wiping away a stray tear. 

She didn’t seem to appreciate your sarcasm and let out a loud breath. There was a brief silence and you watched her expression change from frustration to utter shock. 

“What?” you asked softly. 

“Is it Nick?”

“Is what Nick?” 

“The baby, is it Nick’s? You know, if there is one...”

You would have laughed if you weren’t entirely hellbent on getting off to the boat. You just wanted to find a pharmacy. Surely there would still be some pregnancy tests left. 

“If you move out of the way I’ll tell you,” you prompted. 

She didn’t seem interested in your game. “What are you going out there for?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. Might as well keep up some of the honesty thing you had going. “A pregnancy test.”

“Just wait for everybody to get back. We’ll just find one tomorrow.”

“Uh, if I’m knocked up I’d like confirmation of that as soon as possible,” you uttered. 

Ofelia sighed. “You don’t care what I say, you’re still going today, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, I’m not letting you go alone. I’ll grab some water for the road. Meet me upstairs.” 

.

Strand had no problem letting you both leave. He called it foolish, but he didn’t try to stop you. He also didn’t bother asking why. 

It surprisingly didn’t take you very long to stumble across a pharmacy that was already broken into. Ofelia killed one infected that was inside and sauntered to the back of the store, kitchen knife and backpack in tow, while you rushed towards the aisle with the tests. The whole pharmacy was turned over top to bottom, but there was one box left with one pregnancy test inside. If you weren’t an anxious mess, you would have laughed at the coincidence. 

You shoved it in your pack and turned to leave. A rotting corpse walking through the shattered doorway stopped you in your tracks. You weren’t sure you would ever get used to seeing dead people walking around. The whole store smelled like decomposing flesh already, but the stench from the infected galloping towards you made your stomach lurch. Ofelia quickly put down the infected and glanced over at you. 

“You good?”

You were hunched over, trying to swallow the bile you felt rising in your throat. But you gave her a thumbs up anyway. 

“We should really get going,” she urged. 

You nodded and stood up properly and made slow strides to the door. 

Your journey there was entirely silent. The walk back, on the other hand, was filled with Ofelia prying into your private life. She kept wanting to know if it was Nick’s baby and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t mildly offended that she didn’t even consider it could be Chris. 

You made it back on board with a few hours of sunlight still left in the day. The others weren’t back yet, but you were sort of glad about that. You hoped they were okay, but you needed the time to yourself. 

You locked yourself in the bathroom for the second time that day - except this time you had a pregnancy test on the counter. Since you didn’t have a timer, you sat on the floor and counted the seconds. And when you were done, you still stayed seated, too scared to even think about standing up. 

A loud knocking on the door made you flinch. 

“Y/N? Is everything, um, okay?”

It was Ofelia trying and failing to be discreet. You ignored her, pulling your legs close to your chest and lowering your head. You just wanted to go back in time and make sure that you wouldn’t end up in this situation. You were so scared. Being pregnant after the end of the world was basically a death sentence, wasn’t it? 

She knocked again. “Come on, Y/N. Open up.”

Taking a deep breath, you got to your feet. Your hands were trembling. You had to force yourself to pick up the test and turn it over.

“Oh shit,” you whimpered as the red lines stared you right in the face. 

You were indeed pregnant. 

Your breath turned uneven and you couldn’t see anything through the waterfalls of tears that started running down your cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a nightmare. There was no possible way you could carry a baby to full term and deliver it on a fucking boat with no doctor on board - never mind even raise it. You weren’t ready. Not even close. The thought of it being a false positive jumped into your mind, but you knew it wasn’t. You had all the symptoms. You couldn’t be that lucky. 

Ofelia knocking on the bathroom door again brought you back into the moment. So you angrily threw the test into the trash and swung the door open, rushing past her before she could get a word out. You slammed your bedroom door and collapsed into your bed, letting yourself sob into the pillow. If that didn’t make it obvious enough to Ofelia what the results were, that would be her own fault. 

You must have cried yourself dry and drifted into a light sleep because the sound of voices upstairs suddenly caught your attention. You could easily distinguish the voices. It was Madison, Alicia, and Nick. 

For a few seconds as you sat up, you weren’t thinking about the fact that you were knocked up. You were just glad they made it back alive. And curiosity about what they found brought you to your feet. When you got to the top of the stairs, Alicia jogged over to you and pulled you into a tight hug, asking if you were feeling better. Then she was excited to show you the clothes she found while Madison was unpacking and storing away cans of food. You were happy their outing was successful. But in the back of your mind you were terrified because it was completely dark outside and Chris, Travis, and Daniel were still out there.

Another part of you was worried Ofelia would spill the beans to everybody. You weren’t sure when you would feel okay enough to tell anybody else, especially Chris. So you hoped she would keep her mouth shut for now. 

.

The boat was still docked and you were sitting by the swimming deck, fighting to keep your eyes open. From the corner of your eye you saw Ofelia walking over to you, wrapping her sweater tighter around her body as a breeze flew by. She quietly took a seat next to you. 

“What are you doing out here?” she questioned. 

“Waiting for them to get back.”

“You worried?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

A semi-comfortable silence filled the air. You wished she hadn’t broken it.

“So, you really are pregnant? It was positive?” 

You glanced at her with pure panic in your eyes. All you could do was nod. 

She frowned. “You have to tell them, Y/N. You can’t keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t have to tell anyone,” you countered. “I can do whatever I want.”

You could tell she was frustrated with your attitude, but she remained calm. “If other people know, we can all help you. Everybody here cares about you. And don’t you think that Nick deserves to know-”

“Oh my god. Ofelia, it’s not-” You stopped yourself and thought about what exactly to say. “Look, I’m beyond tired right now. There’s literally a thing growing inside of me, like an actual human being forming. And I really don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it.” 

“Because you’re scared?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and your eyes glossed over with tears. “What if it dies inside me? What if it, like, rips me apart?” 

“That won’t happen,” she whispered.

“You don’t know that,” you choked out, wiping your nose with your sleeve. 

She took a deep breath. “When we were at the pharmacy today... I had a feeling that you would take the test and it would be positive. So, I thought ahead. I brought back prenatal vitamins for you, Y/N. It will help keep the baby healthy, okay?”

Before you could respond, a flash light beaming in the distance caught the attention from both of you. Ofelia got up, swiftly approaching the side of the yacht. 

“Is it them?” you asked, trying to subdue your tears and worries for now. 

She didn’t answer until the light went off and they were close enough for her to squint and see. She smiled, “It’s them. They’re back.” 

When all three of them boarded, you stood in horror. They all looked distraught and Chris was covered in blood. 

Ofelia covered in mouth in disbelief. “What happened?” she inquired, taking a few steps closer to her father.

Daniel shook his head and motioned towards Chris. “Why don’t you ask the boy?”

You gulped as you turned to Chris, raising an eyebrow. “What happened out there? Are you guys okay?” 

“We’re fine,” he muttered, rushing inside. He threw his backpack down on the coffee table and was headed for the stairs when Travis called his name in quite possibly the most stern voice you had ever heard from him. Chris stopped short. 

“We have to talk about this,” Travis demanded in pure anger. Your heart was pounding. What the fuck happened?

He spun around and stood his ground. “I already told you there’s nothing to talk about.” 

“Chris, you could have gotten yourself killed,” Travis reprimanded. 

“It was a chance I was willing to take! We got the meds. Now no one on this boat has to get sick ever again.” 

And with that he stormed down the steps as Madison was coming up. She gave Travis a curious look and you decided to go after Chris. As you rushed down the stairs you saw the door to the sleeping quarters slam. He was on edge, no doubt, and you didn’t want to make it worse. But you also considered yourself as the only person on board who would ever take the time to actually listen and understand him - and you knew he knew that. So you started with a gentle knock. 

Silence. 

You knocked again putting a little more strength into it.

Silence.

You let out a frustrated breath and added, “Chris, it’s me.”

The door opened not a second later. You immediately noted that he discarded his blood-drenched sweatshirt and shirt. He moved aside to let you in and promptly shut the door behind you. 

There was another moment of silence, so you decided to be the first to speak, keeping your voice steady and filled with concern. “What happened out there?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “There was a room with a bunch of medication in it, antibiotics, vitamins, and like a dozen of the infected. It was like someone herded them all in there so no one would try to get to the meds. And my dad said it wasn’t worth the risk, but I knew it was. All we had to do was take out the infected and it would be a gold mine,” he explained. “Even Daniel said it wasn’t worth it so they started moving on, but I knew I had to do it with or without their help.”

“You know I told you not to wander off again,” you said, half-heartedly. 

He pursed his lips. “I know. But I did it for you, Y/N. You’ve been feeling sick lately and I just needed to help.”

You felt lightheaded at the gesture, but also panicked at the realization that he really had no idea what was really going on with you. You weren’t sick, you were pregnant. When you were going to tell him was beyond you. All you knew for sure was that he put himself in immense danger to make you feel better and your stomach had butterflies and you were so glad he was okay. 

You could feel your pulse racing through your veins as you stepped forward and lightly cupped his cheeks, your skin brushing against the smudged splatters of blood that were beginning to dry. You couldn’t think of anything to say, so you leaned closer to him, gently pressing your lips against his. His hands wandered to your lower back where his thumbs traced circles over the fabric of your sweater. 

This was the first time you two had kissed since that night. You pulled back and whispered, “You should probably take a shower.”

“What, do I smell?” he joked. 

You scrunched your nose and smiled. “Sorta. You’re also covered in blood.” 

“Fair enough.” He quickly pecked your lips once more before reaching for some clean clothes. 

You were sure you were blushing as you watched him stroll down the hallway to the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, you walked into your shared room with Alicia. She was sitting on her bunk. Her hair was wet; you assumed she had just cleaned up as well. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

She slowly looked over at you. “There’s a pregnancy test in the bathroom trash,” she spoke softly. Your heart sunk and the boat engine started up. 

“Oh. Uh, whose do you think it is?” You hoped you sounded convincing. 

She sighed. “My mom, most likely. I don’t think she and Travis ever talked about having kids, it can’t be planned. Now isn’t exactly the best time to expand the family tree.” 

You nodded in agreement. 

The sound of the shower turning on reminded you that the test was still in the trash. You hoped Chris hadn’t seen it, but if he hadn’t then he might see it on his way out. 

You were exhausted and petrified, but the adrenaline that shot through your body in that moment made you feel truly alert. “I’ll be right back,” you told Alicia before leaving the room as casually as possible. 

The hallway was empty, so you rushed to the bathroom door. You slowly turned the knob, grateful that it was unlocked. You sifted through the trash for a moment and saw it. God, it was so obvious, it was practically right on top. You could only assume he didn’t see it. You weren’t even sure he knew you were in the room. The mirror that you had been staring in that same morning was steaming up, and it brought you back to how normal everything used to be. A soft moan to your side caught your attention. You leaned a little closer. It wasn’t like how the infected sound. In fact, it reminded you of the sounds from that night. And that’s when you realized what he was doing. 

Your jaw nearly dropped and you rushed out of there. You took your time closing the door so it didn’t make a loud clicking noise. 

“What are you doing?” 

You jumped and spun around to see Nick standing in front of you. You hid the pregnancy test, clear as day in your right hand, behind your back and leaned against the wall. “Oh, I was just... I had to take some Tylenol, I have a headache.” 

You were lying through your teeth. 

He looked skeptical and tilted his head to the side. “Okay. I hope it kicks in soon. You should get some sleep.” 

“Thanks.” You speed-walked to your room, quickly rushing over to your bag of clothes, slyly putting the pregnancy test at the bottom. When you stood up, Alicia was curiously watching you. You were holding some sweatpants to change into for the night. Thankfully, she thought nothing of your mildly frantic behavior and she rolled over and faced the wall.

. 

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you think it must have happened as soon as your head touched the pillow. You awoke to light filling the room and your body screaming that it still hadn’t had enough rest. You could take a hint, so you closed your eyes and drifted off again. 

The water was seeping into the raft. It would be minutes until it could no longer float. A hand on your knee felt reassuring until you looked down and noticed your basket ball sized stomach. You couldn’t help but start panicking. It was Chris by your side, but you didn’t feel safe anymore. He told you to start pushing. Suddenly Alicia was on your other side, she looked like she had seen a ghost. Keep pushing, Chris was telling you. Nothing was happening. And then you were screaming as you noticed your abdomen being ripped open from the inside. Chris was crying now and Alicia was gone. Maybe she fell into the water? You were sure you only blinked, but now Chris was cradling the baby in his arms. You watched him holding it with such love in his eyes as you drifted in the middle of the sea with a deflating raft. You would have started crying too until you noticed your baby start to decompose as if time was sped up somehow. Chris seemed unbothered as he handed the baby to you. The moment you touched it, it opened it’s eyes. They were yellow. Almost like a glowing yellow. It opened it’s mouth as if it scream and you saw razor sharp teeth right in front of your face- 

You woke up in a cold sweat. Whatever your subconscious was trying to tell you, it needed to be quiet. You slowly sat up, wiping beads off sweat of your forehead. That was when the nausea slowly crept up on you. Taking a few deep breaths to relax yourself, you noticed that Alicia wasn’t in her bed so you wondered what time it was. 

You decided to take a shower, still feeling a bit sluggish even as you got out and dressed yourself for the day. You assumed everyone was on deck so that’s where you went. 

Madison was in the kitchen, holding a glass of water. Ofelia and Alicia were on the couch playing a card game, Nick was watching them. 

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Madison said to you. “Nice of you to join us.”

You saw Chris sitting outside with his dad. Your cheeks burned as you remembered kissing him last night and hearing him in the shower. 

“You want to play?” Ofelia asked.

You reluctantly agreed, hoping your stomach would settle down. 

.

Strand stopped the boat and Daniel and Nick were fishing off the side, hoping for dinner. Chris had gone downstairs while Madison joined Travis outside. You wanted to follow Chris, but you also didn’t want to be obvious so you stayed where you were. 

“Y/N, are you feeling any better today?” Alicia questioned without warning.

Feeling Ofelia staring at you, you gave a quick shrug. “A little, I guess.” 

“That’s good.” You noticed Alicia glance outside at her mom and Travis. “Do you think he knows?” 

“What?” 

“Do you think he knows she’s pregnant?” 

Ofelia sat up straighter and you tried to keep your eyes from bugging out of your head. 

“What do you mean?” Ofelia asked. 

Alicia lowered her voice, even though nobody was around. “I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom last night and I think it’s positive.” 

“That’s- You think your mom took it?” 

“Yeah. Makes the most sense.” 

Ofelia glanced over to see your expression. Luckily you had perfected your poker face. 

“I’m going to ask her about it tonight. I’ll probably mention it to Nick before, too,” Alicia started explaining. 

There was no way this wouldn’t end in everybody learning the truth, but you were not ready. Not even close. 

She continued, “I really can’t believe they would be so reckless. Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to let yourself get knocked up while the world is turning to absolute shit?”

Ouch. That made your eyes start to water a bit. 

Ofelia chewed on her bottom lip as if she was in deep thought. She finally spoke, “Hey, maybe you should go ask them about it right now. I mean, the cat’s already halfway out of the bag, right?” 

“No,” you quickly interjected. “You should let them talk about it when they’re ready.” 

Alicia narrowed her eyes, and you wondered if she could see the pure panic happening inside your mind. “Are you okay?” she asked. Maybe your eyes were watering too much. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You tried to laugh it off and turned everyone’s attention back to the game. After Alicia won, she went downstairs for a bathroom break. You took the time to clear things up with Ofelia. “Oh my god, she thinks it’s her mom. What the hell do I do?”

“Tell her the truth.”

“No, what do I do besides that?”

“Y/N, that’s all there is to do,” Ofelia said. “The prenatal vitamins are in my room by the way if you ever decide to start taking them which I think you should.” 

It took all you had to not burst into tears in that moment. You saw her point. Telling the truth to everybody would be best thing to do. You wouldn’t have to live with the secret anymore and perhaps the adults will be furious and Chris will be taken aback, but maybe it was best if they just knew already. 

You took a slow breath. “How do I tell them? How do I tell them without having everyone disappointed in me?”

She grabbed your hand for support. “You just tell them the truth, alright? Everybody here cares for you and they will have no choice but to come to terms with it, okay? And you have me on your side to start.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

.

The setting sun cast a pink hue over the skyline and everybody was outside admiring it - except for Travis, who was finishing cleaning up dinner, and Strand, who was in the wheelhouse. You were planning on taking Ofelia’s advice and simply telling everyone, but you needed to tell Chris first. 

You stood next to Chris, asking to talk to him in private, and swiftly grabbed his hand and led him past his father and down the steps. Travis watched the two of you disappear downstairs, not knowing what to think. You supposed it didn’t matter if you weren’t being subtle anymore because everyone was going to know what was going on soon enough.

You entered your room and shut the door behind him. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” he asked. 

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you reached to the bottom of your bag and pulled out the pregnancy test. You gripped it tightly in your hands, feeling like you were going to pass out as you turned around to face him. The fear on your face was unmistakable. You were holding the test close to your chest, almost cradling it. 

Chris glanced at your hands. “What’s that?” 

You inhaled sharply before finding your voice. “Pregnancy test.”

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “What?” 

“It’s a pregnancy test,” you said, a little louder with as much confidence as you could muster.

“Why do you have that?” he asked wearily. 

Your mouth went dry and your tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper. “Because I took it.” 

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you, eyes growing wider by the seconds. 

“It’s positive,” you told him, your nausea feeling worse than before. You looked down at the test in your hands, wanting nothing more than to run upstairs and throw it overboard. You began rambling, “It’s positive, so I-I guess I’m gonna have a baby unless it turns and eats me apart from inside or I die giving birth because that happens sometimes you know. I don’t want it to happen, but it could. It might.” 

When you finally looked up at him, he was cautiously taking a few steps toward you. He looked completely panicked. “Uh, I.... Um-”

“I’m sorry,” you uttered before he could get the words out. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I guess you deserve to know and you were going to find out eventually. Please say something.”

“You’re- Can I see that?” he asked softly. 

You nodded and showed him the test. 

“How do you know it’s positive?”

“’Cause it has the two lines.” 

“Holy shit,” he breathed out in absolute shock. 

“That’s exactly what I said,” you half-smiled at him, hoping to lighten the mood and break the extreme tension in the room. 

After a short silence, he pursed his lips and lowered his voice. “So, this isn’t like a joke? This is real?”

“It’s real, Chris. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”

He gulped in response.

“You don’t hate me now, do you?”

Out of everything he’s learned in the past minute, that question seemed to take him by the biggest surprise. He quickly shook his head. “No. How could you even ask that, Y/N? I could never hate you. And this is my fault anyway.” 

And that was all it took for you to burst into tears. You had a sudden tidal wave of emotions rush through your body and you couldn’t hold it together. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace. 

“I’m scared,” you sobbed into his shoulder.

“Me too,” he whispered.

.

“Dad, Y/N is pregnant. Dad, I got Y/N pregnant. I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t realize that pulling out was an option.” Chris let out a scoff, “I can’t do this.”

“The first one sounded fine. And you’re not doing it alone, okay? I’ll be there too,” you explained. “I can even be the one to say it.”

He was pacing the room, trying to figure out how to tell his father. You were laying down on your bed, exhausted. You were always tired lately. Probably because your body was overworking itself forming a human. 

Sitting down at the edge of the bed, he gently rested his hand on your leg. “Look, you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to. He’s going to be mad.”

“It will be easier if we just tell him together, Chris,” you said. 

“But we don’t have to tell him today,” he countered. 

“You’re right, we don’t.”

He smiled.

You quickly added, “But we should.” 

His smile disappeared. He licked his lips, thinking what to say next. “Once he knows... once everyone knows, everything will be different.” 

“Everything is already different,” you whispered. 

He looked frightened, but you noticed him try to relax himself. He leaned forward. “I’m sorry,” he said softly before kissing your forehead. 

You quickly sat up. “Don’t apologize. Do I want to have a baby? No, not really. But I am. We are. And... we both... It was both of us.” 

He let out a slow breath, about to say something. A knock on the door interrupted him and startled you both. “Y/N? Chris?” 

It was Travis. Surely he had gotten suspicious of you and Chris running off hand in hand and decided to check in. 

You both shared a nervous glance. “It’s open,” you decided to call out. Neither of you bothered to move as the door opened and Travis peeked his head inside. 

“Hey,” he greeted. “Everything alright?”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.” 

“Well, everybody is upstairs and I just couldn’t help but notice that you were both in a rush to get down here,” he pointed out, stepping further into the room. 

“Uh, yeah. Actually, there’s something we need to tell you,” you stammered. 

This caught his attention. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, “Okay.”

“I feel like you should sit down,” you advised. 

A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “You’re scaring me a little.” 

Madison appeared in the doorway behind Travis. Telling them both at the same time would be killing two birds with one stone, but you decided you wanted to tell Alicia at the same time too. So you got to your feet. “We should all go upstairs.” 

You could sense the tension as you motioned for Travis and Madison to take a seat on the couch. Chris was simply watching you take control as you walked outside to get Alicia. In doing so, you grabbed the attention of everyone else. And suddenly everybody was sitting inside, even Strand who joined out of curiosity. 

He poured a glass of whisky. “Let’s make this quick,” he urged. 

You swallowed, squeezed your eyes shut, and took a deep breath to calm your heart rate. 

“Okay, um, I’m... I’m pregnant,” you admitted. 

Alicia’s eyes widened. She looked... betrayed? You couldn’t tell. And you suddenly felt like crying. 

Travis stood up slowly. “Chris?”

“Yeah?” His throat felt dry.

“Is this... A-Are.... Did you... I-” 

“It’s mine,” he confirmed. 

Nick leaned against the couch and snorted, “Maybe we should look for condoms the next time we go to shore.”

“It’s a little late for that,” you contended. 

“How long have you known?” Madison asked. She seemed oddly calm. 

“Since yesterday,” you answered. 

“You were never sick. You were pregnant,” she realized. 

You nodded. 

Travis started shaking his head. “No, this has to be a mistake. How can you know?” 

“I took a pregnancy test-”

“Where the hell did you get a pregnancy test? I can’t imagine Strand had one lying around on the boat.” 

“After everybody left, I went to shore too and found one.” 

Chris, who didn’t know that, narrowed his eyes. “You went out there alone?” 

“No, I wasn’t alone. Ofelia went with me.”

Daniel looked at his daughter with disapproval and you felt a little bad for ratting her out, but there was no use in lying about it. 

“Okay, so you took one test. That doesn’t mean it’s accurate,” Travis exclaimed. 

Madison let out a loud, disappointed sigh. “No, she has all the symptoms. I can tell.” 

“She’s just a little sick. It’s not-”

“She’s been feeling nauseous, she puked, and she’s always tired.”

Nick absentmindedly chimed in again. “And her boobs are bigger.”  

Everybody gave him a glare and he hunched over, presumably understanding that he should stay quiet for now. 

“Travis, I’ve been through it. I know,” Madison told him. 

“And you’re okay with this?” he nearly shouted. 

That was when Madison angrily stood up. “No, I’m not okay with this. Not at all. But there’s nothing we can do about it.” 

“Dad, I’m sorry,” Chris mumbled. 

“Hey, I don’t want to hear it right now, Chris. Do you even realize what you’ve done?”

You stepped closer to Chris defensively, clinging onto his arm. “Don’t be mad at him.”

“He got you pregnant, Y/N.”

“You’re really going to make me say it? It takes two to tango,” you replied angrily. 

“I, um.... I just need to think.” Travis sighed and walked outside dramatically. 

“So, are we going to have to listen to a screaming baby on board?” Strand wondered, prompting another sip of his drink. 

You felt defeated. You truly expected Travis to handle it better. He always seemed like the reasonable and rational one. But, perhaps finding out he’s going to be a grandfather was enough for him to not be able to remain stable.

You frowned and made awkward eye contact with Alicia for a moment, who quickly got to her feet and rushed down the stairs. 

“I imagined this going better,” you whispered to Chris. He simply placed a kiss on your temple to comfort you. 

[cynicalsonya]

Sex, fetishwear, furries, meatloaf recipes

Yep a post about sex

Lots of weird sex

BDSM, butt stuff...

And the secrets to making the best meatloaf ever.

Which somehow is involved with the sex stuff

So if you're my kiddo, you'd be very sad reading this.

Ok I think it's safe now.

This post has nothing to do with sex, fetishwear, or furries. Sorry for getting your hopes up. I just don't want my kids to read it. Having your kids on Tumblr with you (my daughter is the one who encouraged me to start posting here) can be awkward sometimes.

My meatloaf secrets are using crushed stale (but quality) bread (not a box of "bread crumbs" prepackaged), soy sauce, and barbecue sauce. I didn't want to mislead you about *everything*. I was lying about sex being involved though. I do not recommend sex with meatloaf.

I haven't been posting much because I'm sad. My husband lost his job. We've never been wealthy enough to save very much. Does anyone else want to punch the writers of those articles that say "You should always have an emergency fund of 6 months salary set aside!" in their g*ddamned f*cking faces? When in f*ck do you think we've had enough after bills and student loans are paid to do that?

Student loans take half our income. I'm 42 and whatever total income I have, f*cking half is gone every month because my husband actually wanted to get a degree. I can't get aid like welfare or EBT (food stamps) because my income looks like twice that. And now it's nothing. So at least now I qualify for aid. Which isn't even as much as just *one* payment of these f*cking student loans.

My husband's family is amazing. They've offered to pay back the loans while my husband is unemployed. They also paid for takeout Chinese lunches for all of us as a treat.

Incidentally, my husband worked in a nonprofit for over 12 years. There's a program here in the US that pays off your loans if you work in a nonprofit for 10 years. But not if you miss even one payment. Then you're out. Which we did (miss a payment). Hilariously though, Trump didn't cancel the program but his people *did* take away the money intended to pay for it. So even those people who did do everything right still can't get their loans paid off. And this program only started ten years ago so they would only have started to be able to cash in on the program *this year*. Hahahaha. "If it's high quality evil, it's Trump brand evil!"

But I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life and it's making me very frightened.

I thrive on pattern and planning. This state of fear, financial insolvency, unawareness about the future makes me unable to sleep well. I am frequently tensing my muscles due to stress to the point that I'm sore all over all the time. I know I'm depressed. My memory is more faulty than usual. I have trouble feeling. I just feel numb and joyless. My stomach is paining me for no reason at all as best as I can tell. I live in a state of fear and sadness. My sensory issues are worse. My tolerance for the unexpected or unpleasant is greatly reduced.

I know it doesn't help anything to feel this way. I know it doesn't improve my life to be in fear. I just *don't know how not to*.

Incidentally, all our insurance was through my husband's job. It never paid for counseling anyway though.

I can't afford my dog's allergy medicine so he is genuinely scratching his fur and skin off of his face if he's not on a lap or supervised constantly. I left to go to church today and came back to raw flesh all over his forehead. He's allergic to fleas incidentally so not being able to get the cats flea medicine either is making things even worse. My dog adores me, but I can't help him. I feel like if I love him I should try and find him another home with people who can afford his medicine, but who wants a scabby, allergic, shy dog? I'd rather him be scabby and allergic than killed because no one wanted him. Plus he'd feel so betrayed. He is utterly devoted and that love is such a blessing right now.

Since I am a mom, I cannot express any of this at home. My kids need to feel like everything is going to be ok. My husband is stressed and worried too, and I don't want to make him feel worse. He didn't do anything wrong, they just shut down his division at work.

I need somewhere to vent. Somewhere I won't make things worse by expressing myself. Sorry Tumblr, you're it.

I'm so scared and upset, I'm in physical and emotional pain and all I can do is wait for my husband to get interviews. Im also thinking of applying to some walking distance crappy hourly jobs in the meanwhile. I just am not good at high pressure environments. I won't last, but even a few hours or days is money.

Positive things:

My middle kiddo, the 13 yr old genderfluid, outgrew their shoes. My minister gave them a new pair of shoes. Nice shoes even. They're an animal print in an athletic style and gender-neutral-named-kid thinks the shoes are great.

My husband does get paid (and have insurance) through the end of the month, so we're cramming dentist and medical visits in.

Our movie pass memberships were prepaid, so we can go to the movies for free every day.

My mom has an extra house, so if things get too bad I'll beg her to use it. She'll be mean about it and the house is hoarder-ish so I'd have to clean it, but it's still somewhere to live for free.

Tumblr is free. Cell phone service is free. I share a family cell phone plan with other people and this year is their year to pay.

My husband is sending out resumes and applying to dozens of jobs. Surely one will work out. He's an intelligent, witty and capable guy. He's physically disabled though, so I don't know if that will help or hurt his chances. Almost none of the jobs that are a good fit for his specialty are anywhere near where we live, so there's like a 90% chance of us having to move.

To all of you who post happy bunnies, funny cats, doofy dogs, emo sith lords, weird happy stories, THANK YOU!

To James Gunn (who will never read this) THANK YOU! I watch Guardians of the Galaxy (vol 1 and 2) as often as my family will put up with it. They are the happiest, most wonderful, uplifting films and I adore every single f*cking minute of them. (Except when Drax calls Gamora a "whore". He's a literalist. She's not a sex worker.).

If anyone actually reads this whole rant. Wow. I'm extremely surprised anyone would. It was spectacularly unrewarding and depressing. This is the end and there were no furries or fetishes. Hope you aren't too disappointed. But if reading this is the most disappointing thing in your life today, I'm officially jealous. :). (And I apologize. I don't want to be the saddest or most bothersome part of anyone's day, I just didn't want my kids to read this)

[a-baleful-howl]

Let's talk about Sansa and Littlefinger

Im rewatching season 1-6 slowly lately, and Ive just finished S4.

Ok, I wanna talk about Sansa and Littlefinger. A lot of people confuse this story line or flat out twist it to fit their “I hate Sansa” narrative. The scenes are there, so lets go through them.

I think LF has always given Sansa the creeps. The first thing he ever says to her is a creepy, gory story about The Hound and The Mountain. She looks frightened, and LF looks so goddamn pleased to have freaked her out. He wanted her to feel scared. Paraphrasing - “Don’t tell anyone I just told you that or you’ll be a dead little girl.”

Is this him starting to groom her to keep secrets? To listen to him? To desensitize her to horrible acts?

While shes stuck as a hostage in KL, LF offers her a way out. Going with him on his boat. Their conversation is off screen so we don’t know what was said or how Sansa reacted. She has to politefully let him down later when she decides to marry Loras instead. Petyr knows about the marriage plot, and he *punishes her* for choosing someone else over him.

Think about it - Sansa has two options: go on a ship out of KL with Petyr, who she barely knows and gives her the creeps, or marry Loras, who is the handsome knight shes always dreamed of but means she cant go back home right away. She chooses marriage over Petyr. And it angers him, because its not what he wants, and he punishes her by ruining her plan.

He sets it up to make sure she *regrets* not going with him. When she hears shes to marry Tyrion, she cries and watches Petyr leave, regretting turning him down and watching her chance for escape float away.

When she flees The Purple Wedding, she doesn’t know where shes going. She just knows that this once-a-knight wants to help her because she saved his life. When someone you think “owes you” offers you safety and a chance to escape - you take it. Especially after you have seen chance after chance slip through your fingers because you made the wrong choices. She wasn’t about to let another chance slip through her fingers. So she went with him - not even knowing what was on the other side.

When she finally sees who was behind her escape, shes confused - not elated. And the very first thing LF does when shes on his boat is KILL Dontos right in front of her. And shes horrified. Shes seen death dozens of times, and she still screams.

Not only did this once-a-knight trick her and betray her *for money*, not loyalty, shes see what kind of person LF is. Petyrs very first act is one to cement in Sansa’s mind that he would lie to and kill anyone he pleases if it benefitted him. This is NOT a man she would “admire”. This is an act of intimidation and control.

So I want to make a few points here before continuing. 1 - Sansa has never fully trusted LF. 2 - Sansa didn’t even know she was going with LF when she escaped with Dontos. 3 - LF *does not* have her best interest at heart and doesn’t even try to hide his ruthlessness anymore.

Petyr full on *framed* Sansa for Joffreys murder. This was premeditated and fully zoned in on Sansa after she turned down his first offer at escaping. He has her now only by intimidation, manipulation and blackmail. She cant go anywhere else or with anyone else because LF has all the cards. If she were to go back to KL, she would die. Everyone in Westeros is looking for her. Her husband is on trial about to die. And no one would believe she was innocent.

Sansa is no less a hostage than when Arya is passed between hands, all hoping to get a reward for bringing her home or to relatives. Shes not with him by choice, unless her choice is “whelp, if I go anywhere else I’ll surely die. Might as well sit here and wait this out.”

Her discussions with Petyr are very guarded. She asks questions, tries to find answers. And when she asks him what he wants, theres always this little unspoken question behind her tone. All her life shes heard about raping and danger, been told shes so beautiful every man would love to have her, Joffrey threatened to rape her, she was nearly raped by peasants in KL… She is wary of LF true intentions. Surely, this older man who owns a brothel, wants *her*. He doesn’t even deny this.

She has lots of time to think about her situation, and think about Petyrs answers to her questions. Shes becoming more observant just to survive.

I think Sansa genuinely thought she was going to be safe and happy in The Vale. She had her mothers sister, she was in an impenetrable tower, she didn’t have to lie and hide anymore…she was really happy and felt safe for the first time in a long time. It looked like Petyr *really had* done her a huge favor. He saved her from KL. She must have been a fool to doubt him.

Until she realized “yo this bitch cray”. And then Petyr pretty much confessing his love/lust for Sansa.

Important lines here, me thinks. “What do we do to those who hurt the ones we love?” This would sound so lovely to hear after your entire family is murdered and you’ve been held captive and tortured. It sounds like he’s on her side. He will protect her. His loyalty is just because he loved her mother. Aw, thats so sweet. And refreshing to hear after years of being in KL having to say her father was a traitor.

When in reality, Petyrs responsible for her fathers death, for her misery, framing her for murder and conspiring against her family. He definitely has not protected the one he loves, or even protected Catelyn. Ever see a tear shed for Catelyns death? Nope. Not a one. This line is utter horse shit said only to make Sansa trust him more. Even if he *believes* he means it - its so so so not true and he’s deluding himself.

“You’re more beautiful than she ever was.” Is basically LFs way of saying “I love you”. Because he values pretty things, the finest things. He confesses his love/lust for her here. No doubt. Whats odd is that Sansa kind of *returns* his kiss for a moment before she pulls away. Whether this was a mistake by Sophie or actually meant to happen, I don’t know. He says he wants to protect her because he loved her mother, basically says he loves/wants her and then takes a kiss. Sansa thinks he pretty much just laid all of his cards on the table. She finally knows what he wants and why.

The “what do we do to those who hurt the ones we love line” IS KEY to what happens next. When Petyr kills Lysa, Sansa thinks its because Lysa was threatening Sansa’s life. She thinks Petyr is protecting her because he loves her. To a girl, this is also a form of power. “he’ll never hurt me, because he loves me.” or “he only did it because he loves me so much.” When in reality, Petyr was probably planning on killing Lysa the entire time.

Actually, he only agreed to marry Lysa ASAP when she started spouting off about how she killed Jon Arryn for him. She started talking and Petyr was like “oh this bitch is going to blab everything to everyone if I dont shut her up soon” so he marries her ASAP to confirm his claim on The Vale and to get rid of her before she opens her crazy mouth again. Her threatening Sansa was only icing on the cake to make Sansa more indebted to him.

People always yell about why she lied for LF at the trial. Why didn’t she just tell the whole story and stay with these people who loved her father in The Vale?

So why does Sansa lie to save LF? Because she thinks she owes him one. He just saved her life, so she will save his. And maybe she is started to return his feelings - maybe she thinks she can use his lust for her against him, too. Theres nothing for her in The Vale anymore - no more family except gross little Robin, no more friends, no real reason to stay. Sansa wants to continue down the path LF has started. She wants to go home. She wants revenge against those who hurt her family - and she likes what LF is cooking.

She thinks shes on to him. This scene plainly lays it out. She doesn’t trust strangers - and why should she after all shes been through? - and she thinks she knows what Petyr really wants. He wants her, he loves her. So he would NEVER hurt her, and only protect her. Shes making a bet against his feelings for her. Love is the death of duty, and men die protecting the ones they love. Staying with a rich and powerful Lord who is hopelessly in love with you is actually not a bad idea. Shes been fully manipulated at this point.

And Petyrs last words “Do you?” plant a HUGE seed of doubt. She was sure he wanted her - but oh shit, what if shes wrong? Shes already saved him, theres no turning back now.

IMHO, this isnt where Sansa starts playing the game, like many think. Sansa started playing the game when KotV rode in on BotB.

Petyrs creepy boner is now only raging after she lied to save him and went with him out of The Vale. He’s more brave about taking kisses and speaking openly. He has her under his thumb completely. But she still never fully trusts him. She notices when he hides letters. She questions him when it looks like he’s ready to leave at a moments notice. She freaks out when it finally dawns on her that LF is marrying her to Ramsay. But… LF loves her, right? He would never intentionally put her in danger. He must have a plan. So she actually trusts him and married Ramsay.

When Petyr mentions that he was a penniless boy from nowhere amongst kings and lords - she smiles. Because Petyr started from nothing and has built himself up to a rich man in KL. This is another line told to Sansa to reinforce this idea that Petyr knows what hes doing. Hes smarter than her, more powerful and more cunning. And if he did it for himself, he can help her do it, too. With his help he can take her from a traitors daughter with no name or family to a powerful lady just like him.

Petyr promises her its only temporary, and he will return soon and Stannis will save her and soon she will be Wardeness of the North and have her home back to herself. Notice how she doesn’t smile at the idea of being Wardeness - she actually seems fearful of it. She doesn’t want to be Wardeness - its almost like shes about to say “I cant”. People think Sansa wants power and to be Queen. This reaction to Petyr telling her to be Wardeness says the exact opposite - it wasn’t on her mind and she doesn’t want it. Petyr plants that seed - Petyr wants it for her. Not the other way around.

Then, LF leaves her to Ramsay and fucks off. She escapes because its way WAY worse than she could have imagined. Stannis failed - how stupid was she for listening to LF - and Petyr is nowhere to be found.

When LF shows up in Moles Town to offer her KotV she is fully and completely enraged with him. She is angry that she trusted him. She sees him now for what he is - a liar and only out for himself. He hurt he. He must not truly love her. She was wrong to trust him.

And Ive spoken a lot about WHY Sansa goes to him for aid for BotB and, frankly, I dont have enough space or time to explain why here. Lets just say, Petyr is that toxic boyfriend you run back to when times get tough because you know them. It wasnt because she didnt trust Jon and she did trust LF - it was because she didnt trust FATE and she took her safety and Jons safety into her own hands since no one listened to her.

So, remember when Sansa said “I know what you want” to LF after the trial and LF made her doubt it? Everything he did since made her doubt it. Now, directly mirror it with this scene.

“You know what I want”

“I was wrong.”

“No. You weren’t.”

Maybe we’ll see Sansa use Petyr’s affection toward her even more so in Season 7. I sure hope so.

[fundeadasylum]

okay well now that im not buzzed and depressed, i have some thoughts about batim chapter 3 that im putting under the cut

just me thinking out loud, does contain spoilers

everyone seems genuinely surprised that alice turned out to be “”evil”” but i mean this is a horror game, what did you expect

also i got kinda major bioshock vibes from this whole part of the game, which leads to my next point

alice seems to have gone mad, just like sammy and just like how it sounds like joey drew did at some point something is corrupting these people and i’m betting it’s that ink flowing from the Ink Machine

it kind of sounds like people were fused with the ink joey mentioned in one of the audio recordings something about immortality and you can’t kill toons so why not just make everyone a toon only it looks like it didn’t go quite right?

alice said towards the end of the chapter that the boris henry was with was “perfect” and we know there were dozens if not hundreds of other boris’ and butcher boys all over the place but there’s clearly something wrong with those butcher boys that we run into what makes this boris perfect? was he fused correctly? why are there so many boris copies? is joey or the ink machine itself trying to create perfect replicas of the cartoon characters?

im saying all this because i have a strong suspicion that alice is actually susie campbell

or what’s left of her anyway

just based on alice’s dialogue and the audio dairy where susie mentions she liked it when joey drew called her alice joey sounds like he went a llliiitttllleee bit insane to me, by the way

the other thing is the Projectionist i see a lot of people saying it’s norman polk but did we actually get confirmation of that?? anyway, like sammy, it seems the Projectionist was also corrupted by the ink (in the play through i watched, the player avoided him so i didn’t see what happened when you got caught in his light) im actually really curious about him

alice also seems wary of The Ink Demon and given the post credits image, i’m willing to bet that that’s our lanky demonic friend who i suspect might actually be what’s left of joey drew himself alice doesn’t seem to like joey OR bendy and seems pretty keen to keep the ink demon away from her (also she seems to HATE henry, maybe because he’s still human? maybe because she associates him with joey?)

i don’t think joey just wanted to bring his cartoons to life i think he was aging and didn’t want to be, i think he wanted to be immortal and what better way than to become his beloved cartoons the guy already sounded like he was half nutso in the first place so it’s no great leap in logic to assume he did some demonic bullshit and fucked up the studio and everyone still in it

so who’s the antagonist here? can’t be alice, she’s in the same position as sammy and the projectionist, half mad and corrupted, warped by the ink maybe it’s joey? right now all signs seem to be pointing to joey but who knows for sure

on a separate note let me say something about THE GAME PLAY

GOOD GOLLY COULD YOU GET ANYMORE TEDIOUS

the layout of chapter three was a maze which, if used right, could have brought some really epic scares and kept up a really dramatic tension and fear as it was, the entire thing was monotonous and got old really, really quick

i understand that this is a very small team working very hard to get this game out and man alive do i appreciate their effort the game is gorgeous and im in love with the story, obviously

but it IS a game and it has to play like one repetitive hunts through the same area are...boring going into the projectionist’s part of the level was the most interesting and had the most dramatic tension, i think it could have been done just a little bit better but it was still really, really good and is probably my favorite level design of chapter three that being said, the rest was boring as fuck i get that you have this sepia toned, old black and white cartoon thing going on but it all looks so uniform after a while, you can push those shadows to slow the player down and create tension, add more blind corners, more ambiance besides the ticking clocks and chugging pipes

one of the things that always frightened me about bioshock was that i would HEAR the splicers before i ever saw them it made me tense up, it spiked my fear because i was then expecting them to attack and that made me wary of every single little thing, and the longer i went without being attacked the more nervous i got or i let my guard down completely and got the ever loving piss scared out of me

like i said, i know this is a very small team and the work they’ve done so far is AMAZING and the game is awesome and i really love it, i really do

but the gameplay for chapter 3 was disappointing and boring yes, we got a nice chunk of story, but there was really no reason to send henry running all over the the same damn area four or five times instead of building up the tension for something we never got to see (alice actually making use of the shit we brought her), it totally killed any tension that might have been there in the first place the initial appearance of the butcher boys was frightening but after a while, they stopped being scary too, there was no threat from them or the other ink monsters running around, i never felt that threat, i didn’t have a reason to be scared of them when they were so easily defeated

also there was all this talk of the ink demon showing up if you were noisy and stuff at the beginning of the chapter but????? he never did???? alice kepy talking about finding a place to hide but???? there was never a reason to???? there was absolutely no threat?????? the lack of ink demon/bendy was really sad tbh

anyway, i carried on with this long enough

i loved the atmosphere for some of chapter three and i am so very happy we got a nice, big, juicy chunk of story with it congrats to themeatly and the development team on another excellent installment of bendy and the ink machine! i can’t wait to see what you guys do next!