#im saying this as a nb person who is not a woman btw. i just find it wildly stupid

[wife]

it drives me up the wall how impossible it is to make a post on tumblr about women without randoms rbing it and saying "but also men". a post about wlw attraction and they have to add men's attraction . a post about trans women's experiences "trans men have a similar experience" Can we shut up about men for 5 seconds. please. make your own damn post!!!

[fearforthestorm]

this is probably a discourse-y take, but the fact that when Cleo changed their pronouns to she/they, everybody was all like "diversity win!!1!!1!1!!" and then proceeded to keep only using she/her for them makes me kind of upset.

[betaoctillery]

i dont follow ppl that dont support mspec lesbians btw. not only is it bullshit gender/sexuality policing but its ahistorical as shit when bisexuals & lesbians were almost indisguishable from one another until a very specific point in the 1970s when terfs and political lesbians began dividing the community by excluding anyone who had ANY association to perceived masculinity, which included trans women (bcus terfs thought of them as men), bi women for sleeping with men, butches for expressing masculinity, and women of color for racist reasons which posited that they arent feminine/women bcus many dont look/act/talk exactly like cis/het white women.

at any rate, the current accepted definition for the term lesbian is inherently bisexual! everyone says it means “attraction to women and nonbinary ppl” (which is nb-phobic outright ANYWAYS by lumping ALL nonbinary ppl with women -- this is what ppl are criticizing when they say we’re treated as “women-lite”) so if youre not being a nb-phobic asshat, you then have to acknowledge that woman and nonbinary are different genders, thereby making lesbianism a fundamentally bisexual identity as it includes to attraction to two or more genders. 

like think critically for a moment. what about a bigender lesbian who feels like they are both a man and a woman? do you personally get to decide, do you personally get to have the authority, to choose which identity of theirs to suppress in order to cram them into one specific neat little box? whichever way you try to pigeonhole them, youre promoting gender binarism, which is nb-phobic. trying to cut up and divide ppl’s identities like nations erecting borders is dehumanizing. 

another aspect of this issue ive noticed is that almost every single person ive met who self-identifies as a bi or mspec lesbian is trans or nonbinary. they often have complicated relationships to gender and sexuality that sweeping statements like “lesbians cant like men!!!” end up erasing their experiences. ive seen ppl claim its a term used by cis women to describe sleeping with trans women and i cant stress enough how in all the reading and research ive done on bi lesbianism that ive never once seen that cited as a definition or something having been done in practice. its literally just ignorant teenagers or young adults in their early 20s who know nothing about their community’s culture or history talking straight out of their asses. and if there are ppl who do this, theyre extreme outliers and its disingenous to act like mspec lesbians would defend such a level of transphobia when, again, most mspec lesbians are transgender themselves and are well aware that this division occured bcus of terfs.

read queer history yall. for the love of whatever you consider sacred and holy in this world pls fucking read queer history. dont get all of your information off of social media, random unsourced carrds made by teenagers who obviously dont make an effort to learn about their own community, and bad faith internet debaters who make conclusions drawn off what amounts to nothing more than “vibes” essentially. these people have really big loud mouths, but theyre simply wrong. material history will never agree with them. 

throughout history, bi and lesbian have more or less meant and were treated as the same thing, including both women who exclusively were attracted to other women AS WELL AS women who were attracted to both women and men.

and until a single exclusionist can provide sources that can prove that 70′s lesbian separatism wasn’t a huge, well documented movement that resulted in much of the exclusionary attitudes and its effects we see even today, im just gonna continue to laugh at how childishly they cover their ears and go “la la la la” when presented with verifiable and cited evidence that this happened.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

i'm acquainted with an afab nb who calls himself a "lesbian" (he's okay with male pronouns btw). around 2 years ago, when we were 15 i met him through a childhood friend because she said we would get along. we hit it off nearly instantly and we would talk everyday. he told me he was nb and i told him i was a trans man, at the time i was still on the fence on nb and i didn't care enough torisk my connection with him over this. then we mzade plans to meet up again and he said he wanted to make out and shit when we met. i accepted because i found him attractive and nice, things are going well! then a few days before our meeting i find out he's a lesbian apparently. i go "well, than that means our hook up is cancelled lol" and he goes "no, that's alright, i see you as a woman". yep. i made up an excuse not to meet him because that was such a huge shock.

we're from Brazil, so we use portuguese, a latin language that has no gender neutral pronouns, so people started making up such gender neutral pronouns and i view them just the same as neopronouns : unnecessary and easy to use. after a while, he said that he was now going by one of those neopronouns and sent me a link to those pronoun listing sites, i tried to explain to him that it's very hard for me to just learn new sets of pronouns because autism and shit, and he says he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of that.

i still have him added on whatsapp but we don't talk, i just see the "fuck cishet" "fuck gender" memes he posts on his status. from talking to him over the years, i could see he's genuinely dysphoric. he told me his most urgent plan was to go see a therapist to start medically transitioning like me. he would sometimes talk about how much he wanted to be on hormones, get top surgery, get phalloplasty but he's totally not a man! i also don't doubt he is a lesbian because we used to talk about women a lot, so it's mostly just a skewed view on what the label means, nb people can't be lesbians and such. to me, it sounds like he's just a trans dude, but because he's so into the Twitter mentality of hating cishets and 278292 genders and fuck men that he just doesn't want to be a straight guy. i'm a trans bi guy and i even sometimes make jokes about "God im so straight" when i see a hot woman but considering that he has very lefty views being straight must be the end of the world for him.

do you think it's a lost cause? should i try to talk to him again? i say this because he's genuinely a nice person but he's also the one who can't shut up about how men are so bad and gender is so cosmic and other dumb shit. considering we're still 17, i kinda hope he can change. honestly i just miss having someone to play minecraft with and i can relate a lot with him.

I'm not a wise old community member with years of experience to give you the perfect solution. But I have had my share of friendships falling apart for various reasons. And let me tell you, sometimes it's better to stop being friends. Sometimes the nostalgia of the past makes it hard to realize that. Unfriending someone isn't easy. Losing someone is always scary. But you gonna do what's best for you.

But if you really want to continue the friendship I would shoot them a message. Ask if they still only see you as a women. If yes, drop them. That part of your story really rubbed me the wrong way. If he can't see you as a man, then he isn't worth keeping as a friend. It's not worth trying to make it work if he's not even going to see you as who you are.

If he does see you as a man, ask him if he actually wants to be friends or not. He might just say no and if so, again, it's not worth trying to make it work somehow. If he says yes, set your boundaries. No hating men talk or other things that make you uncomfortable while you two are hanging out. If he agrees great. Otherwise, he isn't going to make you feel happy. He'll only frustrate you and make you feel guilty/angry.

Personally, I'd unfriend him and move on. Someone who can't see me as a man and has clearly shown they don't want to reach out to me isn't a relationship I'm willing to put energy into. But you're not me. If you think it's worth it, the worse thing that can happen by reaching out is him proving he won't respect you. He certainly is capable of changing. People change a lot as they get more experiences as adults. But they can change for better or for worse. And it's not your job to help them. It sucks letting someone go. But some people just really aren't worth the emotions they're gonna put you through if you continue to be around them.

Good luck. And I hope you figure out which option is gonna be best for you. And I especially hope you're able to find friends that respect you as the man you are and don't make you uncomfortable. You deserve that. And there are people who will respect you a lot more then this person.

[bemtevis]

hi there! im new to tumblr in general and to the tsc fandom too (a bit bc i already hate it) but i wanted to say i love your blog and you seem like such an amazing person!🤗 i wanted to ask you something abt the series too bc ive seen a lot of ppl talking about herondales and from what ive read they're,,, the same character archetype (i mean the men). do you like any of them? i only tolerate kit and lucie tbh. the rest of them are boring and absolute idiots. but i guess fandoms just like the typical sarcastic, "sexy," with a sad past idiot who treats everyone badly lmao. ty in advance!!

heyy!! tysm!! 🤩🤩 welcome to hell the fandom 💖

I love Kit and Lucie, and I totally agree with what you said! lots YA book/their stans looove the Angsty Bad Boy™ (until they're a poc) so most fandoms can be pretty toxic when you don't 🤡

I would tolerate one protagonist like that, but most of them are just a different version of that archetype. Jace, Will, even Matthew, and I'm so scared of what CC will do to Kit in TWP. If the first two at least apologized for being shitty, then sure, but they didn't. hopefully Matthew will, but do I trust Cassandra Clare?? not at all

Same thing w Anna btw!! it's not cuz she's a nb woman that she's less of a total asshole

Ik you were talking about the Herondales but I needed to rant 😭 ty for the ask!!

[awsugar]

I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or anything and you don't have to answer this, but I have to tell someone and I don't know anybody else, who I could tell

So basically, I am 18 and a cis woman. And until recently I never really questioned my gender, but about a year ago I got into mcr and like something awoke in me, if that makes sense?

Like I wasn't really sure and just kinda brushed it off but then someone used they/them pronounce for me and it felt right?

But I don't think Im really nonbinary? And even if I was, I'm from Germany and there aren't really any pronounce like they/them.

So I'm like super confused, like how do I know if I'm nonbinary?

hmmmm. well first of all it doesn’t make me uncomfortable! so don’t worry about that

first of all i’ll say that Gender™️ can happen to you at any point. sure there are a lot of people who know that their assigned gender isn’t the right one from a young age but for a lot of people the realization doesn’t come until later and it’s all ok. i was in my 20s before i ever started questioning my gender identity/realized that she/her didn’t feel right for me.

the next thing i can say is that only you can tell/decide if you’re nonbinary. there’s no list of things i could say where i’m like if you do this, this, and this you’re nb. it doesn’t work like that. everyone’s experience of gender is different. i can say that if they/them pronouns feel good you might be nonbinary but that’s not a defining factor. it’s all about you deciding what pronouns and gender identity feel good to YOU and feel the most affirming. no one else can figure that out for you. 

on top of that i have to say that you don’t have to label it or rush into finding a label. this stuff can take a lot of time to figure out. i’ve been having a gender crisis for years now and i still am unsure of my identity. i know what pronouns feel good but an actual label has been hard for me to pin down as well as how i want people to perceive me. i know from experience that it can be really frustrating to not understand your identity but the only thing you can do is give it time. 

as far as german pronouns, that i have no expertise in and i can’t help there i’m sorry. i don’t really claim have expertise is ANY of this btw but i can speak on gender from experience at least, i can’t speak german. 😔 

so i’m sorry this might not be that helpful and not the answer you were looking for but gender is a very personal journey that can take a lot of time to figure out. it might help you to do some research on nonbinary identities and that may help but the experience of being nonbinary differs from one nb person to the next like i said it’s really personal and unique to you.

the best advice i can give is that if you’re questioning and you liked when someone used they/them for you, you can ask your english speaking online friends to starting using they/them. or she/they or they/she, but i would put a focus on they/them since that’s what you’re testing out. if it doesn’t feel right you can tell them to go back to she/her at any point but that’s my suggestion on trying to find the english pronouns that feel best for you because that’s how almost everyone starts out these days at least, testing the waters in online spaces where they feel comfortable to do so. and if you can figure that out then maybe a specific label will be easier to decide on (although it hasn’t worked for me lol)

i wish you the very best!!! if you have any other questions i can try my best to answer :)

[persimnon]

hi! re: the pansexuality post. from my understanding there IS a non-biphobic difference. bisexuality means distinct attraction to multiple genders (ie liking a man feels different than liking a woman or nb person- they "see" gender) whereas to pansexual people, all attraction feels the same. feel free to correct me if im wrong (i very well could be, since i dont id as bi or pan) but this is how my bi and pan peers have explained the difference to me. its a small difference, but means a lot to some people and saying "fuck pansexuality" could be hurtful to some people :( no hate to you btw, just trying to continue the conversation <3 love you and your blog :)

but that distinction implies that bi people have to experience attraction differently depending on gender. all of the semantic differences used to justify a difference assume limits upon bisexuality that have never historically existed. additionally, saying bi people “see gender” while pan people don’t plays into the “bi people only care about sex/pan people are more pure because they care about personality first” stereotype. as someone who IDed as bi for 4+ years, it’s a biphobic definition and i don’t particularly care that speaking against biphobia hurts feelings

[nbapprentice]

i dont play choices but apparently the new queen b one or whatever forces u into romantic situations with a professor (with mc being a student). i also think the professor is nb but im not sure

thank u for reminding me theres been a big ole message sitting here and i just didnt have the spoons for it

So the newest Choices book has a student/teacher romance. In the first chapter, the main character can flirt with and maybe sex a mysterious person, who is later revealed is your teacher. There was a warning at the beginning saying you can romance a professor, but it's still a weird trap thing since you don't know that the LI is a prof at the start. Once the teacher's identity is revealed, they try to distance yourself from the MC but MC can still flirt. (1/2)

I'm really disappointed in Choices. Now 3/4 out of the current books are content warning ones, and they've deviated from having interesting, well written stories to just making up settings for the horny perverts to hook up with the cardboard cut outs. Also, like, in one of the recent books, the MC's LI's fiancee (I know) faces sexism from her father (stay in kitchen type), but it doesn't make sense since the LI can be a woman (and lesbian) as well. It's badly written performative wokeness (2/3)

(Choices) The writers aren't considering anyone else but white bois and it shows, and adding this racism and bad writing to the recent mature content (12+, hmm?) slide... its all just a mess now. I've removed myself from the fandom since I don't wanna interact with people who like trash and I'm genuinely considering deleting the app. Sorry for the rant, hope you're doing well mod. I really like this blog btw, it helped me free myself from Arcana. There really are no good vns out there huh (3/3)

damn. that fucking sucks and blows five ways from sunday huh!!!!!!!!!!!

they rly think “im producing disgusting content but if i tag it its ok right” is valid. god i wish VNs weren’t fucking terrible.

[brittlebutch]

Sorry if this is random or unwelcome - and if it is you're absolutely welcome not to answer - but I was wondering what being a lesbian actually means? From my current understanding, so long as you're not a man and not attracted to men you could identify as a lesbian. So, you could be a woman who's attracted to women and nonbinary people and be a lesbian, or a nonbinary person who's attracted to women? I have a SpIn in queer id's so I Crave Information lol. Please corrects me if I'm wrong! 💛

first off, i’m not exactly Great at explaining things so if someone wants to bounce off or correct my answer absolutely feel free lmao

so i would argue that at its base being a lesbian is being a woman who loves women. but you’re still right that non-binary identities can also factor in for a lot of people, because a lot of lesbians have a complex relationship with gender, whether they’re butch or femme or nb or whatever

for me Personally, my gender just kind of IS that i’m a lesbian. i’m not Quite a woman, but my relationship with my gender and my sexuality are kind of linked together. my attraction to women is my tie to my gender and vice versa. i’m a dyke and that’s that all around

when it comes to Attraction i wouldn’t really say that im comfortable saying that i’m attracted to ‘nb people’ as a whole OR that i’m only attracted to ‘nb women’ or something similar to that. gender can be a really complex spectrum, and there would be a lot of NB people who would fall out of my realm of attraction. it doesn’t really have anything to do with presentation either, it’s a very nebulous concept so trying to explain it clearly is hard for me lol, but basically i’d probably only be into people who had a similar tie to gender/lesbianism/sapphic-ness(?) that i do if that makes sense

gut reactions also don’t factor into this gender distinction much btw. i’ve been attracted to people before and had it die the moment i found out they were actually trans guys. i’ve been uninterested in people before and then ‘doubled back’ so to speak once i realized they were trans women. NB genders can be a lot broader and more complex than just that, but there would probably be plenty of NB genders i wouldn’t be that interested in Because im a lesbian. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ words are weird to use dude!! but i think that if i was attracted to the full spectrum of NB people i’d use “bisexual” instead of lesbian, because at the Very least there are plenty of NB people who identify as Gay or MLM for the same reason i ID as a lesbian, and i wouldn’t be interested in forming a relationship with them for the same reason they probably might not be interested in forming a relationship with Me (my use of ‘male gendered’ terms and they/he pronouns aside since gendered language isn’t like. Real)

(adding onto the bisexual comment above just bc i see a lot of ‘discourse’ about it; being a Bi Lesbian doesn’t work flat out. even if ONLY for the fact that the term originated in transphobic spaces to make a distinction between lesbians who would date trans women (as in, see and understand them as women because that’s what they are) and lesbians who wouldn’t (transphobes). it’s just like a new flavor of the Gold Star lesbian concept, it’s not good. if you want to like. Debate that whole label you’ve gotta go somewhere else lol i don’t reserve the brain cells for things like that (spoken generally not just at the anon who asked this initial question lol))

hopefully that made sense! and if it didn’t then hopefully someone will reply to this post and do a better job than i did lmao

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[midoriyasbones]

Hey so how do you personally define bisexuality? I'm confused because some people say pan doesn't exist (I identify as pan) because being bi includes trans people (which I agree with btw. Trans people are amaze) So is pan when you like androgynous/nb people as well? (Sorry I probably sound like an idiot. You're the most approachable person I know haha)

(nah buddy its all good and you’re not an idiot everybody has questions about sexuality from time to time)

okay, so bisexuality means having an attraction to two genders, and those two genders aren’t always just male and female. that purple stripe in the bi pride flag isn’t there for the ‘a e s t h e t i c’, it’s there to symbolize all nonbinary identities. btw, i am not calling you out because you are NOT in the wrong, just a little under educated, but when you say that ‘being bi includes trans people’ it’s... just a bit transphobic. (again, not calling you out, just correcting your language!!) being bisexual is not a requirement to date a transgender person. if you are a straight guy and you date a trans woman, you are still straight. saying that a person has to be bi/pan/poly to date a transgender person is saying that a trans woman isn’t really woman or a trans guy isn’t really a guy. you’re attaching gender to what’s between your legs and remember, we like our gender like we like our coffee: no where near our genitals.

btw, bisexuality doesn’t nessecarily mean ‘attraction to my own gender and one other gender’, it means ‘attraction to two genders, regardless if one of those is my own or not’. being bisexual makes you lgbt no matter what those genders you’re attracted to are.

bisexuality is also often used as an umbrella term for any sexual orientation that has multiple attractions, but personally i think we need to break away from that habit. i think we should use ‘polysexual’ when talking about multiple gender attracted individuals in general. bisexuality is 2, poly is more than two but not all. it personally just makes more sense to me? but, ya know, im one person and im not about to dictate an entire community lmao. 

there are some people out there who are attracted to two or more genders (but not all) who use the term polysexual instead of bisexual. some of them prefer it bc they know they aren’t pansexual, but also know they aren’t bisexual. some people prefer it because they don’t like the ‘two gender’ connotation bisexuality implies. personally i say ‘live and let live’ and just let people identify however the fuck they want to identify whether that be bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, etc. love and let love lmao.

now, let’s get into pansexuality.

pansexuality, also not a requirement to date trans people (or even people who identify as a nonbinary identity), is the attraction to all genders. basically, pansexual people don’t have a preference, it’s all good. some people say pansexuality doesn’t exist because there are only two genders. well guess what? they’re wrong. i identify as pansexual because i personally just dont think i have a certain gender that im just not attracted too. saying pansexuality doesn’t exist erases those of us who dont think we find only two genders attractive, not to mention it erases nonbinary identies by implying that there are only 2 genders. please dont erase me!!!

so... to recap:

bisexuality=attraction to 2 genders, polysexuality=attraction to 2 or more genders but not all, and pansexuality=attraction to all genders.

bisexuality does not have to include same sex attraction, as long as you are attracted to more than one gender and want to identify as bi, congrats you’re bi

bisexual is the most common umbrella term for multi-gender attracted orientations, but i’ve seen a recent uprising of people using polysexual instead to avoid nb erasure (again, use what you like)

being bi/poly/pan is not a requirement to be attracted to a transgendered individual

pansexuality is attraction to all genders while polysexuality is attraction to multiple but not all genders... and to those who think it doesn’t exist... there are more than two genders... it’s not that deep fam

aight i think that’s all i have for this topic. tune in next time for another thrilling session of lgbt+ education by yours truly, jules ‘i nearly lost my virginity in the back of a pickup truck facing the busy highway’ mcgee.

[mithliya]

okay so this is how op looks

and this is how the person above looks

when will White Lites pls stop speaking for poc??? y’all can’t deny that u don’t experience racism & on the rare occasions that u do, u experienced it bc someone somehow found out about your native heritage. anyways this post is racist esp since woc are being called terfs disproportionately simply bc we don’t follow a white & western mindset to a T.

now, as for this ~terf bingo~:

“socialisation” in quotations as if it isn’t a well-established thing that males & females are raised differently, as if it isn’t well-established that gender roles exist & are enforced from a young age.

“biologically [gender]” male & female are sexes, not genders. ive yet to see a single Evil Terf say “biologically feminine” or smth. whether “woman” & “man” refers to gender or sex is a matter of semantics, tho.

“+1 bonus for racism” the irony here is... delicious. TRAs are so UScentric & constantly being racist. the amount of woc that have been harmed by y’alls ideology is astounding. u ppl paint poc as absolute buffoons (like claiming we have no idea what biological sex is, acting like white ppl taught us what sex was bc we couldn’t put 2 & 2 together ourselves), misrepresent our cultures, tokenise us, dismiss the oppression we experience, use us as ur argument points, etc.

“trans men are self hating women” probs the first one on the list that ive actually seen from Terfs™. tho like.. plenty of people who once were trans men & then detransition have openly talked about how much internalised misogyny fuelled their transition so.., maybe TRAs shouldn’t be erasing them to support their narrative?

“nb ppl are Fake” more like Gender Is Fake and Everyone Is To Some Degree Non-Binary but... ok

“ignoring the existence of surgery as a concept” this one is just blatantly false lmao, radfems frequently critique cosmetic surgeries (which, btw, SRS is considered cosmetic! bc it only changes the appearance, nothing more!) i reckon this one is misrepresenting Terfs™ critique of the cotton ceiling.

“skinny” this one’s plain stupid bc plenty of Terfs ™ are fat and some well-known radfems are fat! Andrea Dworkin exists, for example!

“white” except countless woc have been labelled “terfs”, for example chimamanda ngoze adichie. like. if we wanna talk white.. let’s comment on how TRAs are overwhelmingly white instead 🤷🏾‍♀️

“somehow trans women are faking for perks ???” there are plenty of males who pretend to be trans women to benefit. let’s not start pretending like there haven’t been predators that claimed to be trans for access into female-only spaces. for example, karen white, who claimed to be trans and asked to be moved to a female prison, and then sexually assaulted several female inmates. there’s also plenty of athletes who couldn’t make a career in men’s sports who are now record breakers in women’s sports, so... we can pretend that no self-proclaimed trans woman could benefit from transition & receive some kinda perks but. the proof is in the pudding.

“terf is a slur” this IS something that some Terfs™ have actually argued, and it’s stupid as hell.

“calling out transphobia is an act of hate” i mean.... from my experience, most wouldn’t say anything even resembling this but. ive seen this belief iterated by the few that are hated by the community

“my friend is getting bullied because she said trans women should die :(“ if someone saying ‘im a lesbian and i don’t want to have sex with anyone who’s male, including trans women’ or ‘biological sex is a real thing that can’t be changed at this point in time’ translates to ‘trans women should die’ then.. sure. but a lot of the time, the women being harassed have done & said nothing to warrant being harassed, esp not “trans women should die”.

“the bangs” ive seen more TRAs with bangs than Terfs™ with bangs

“blog is selfies + discourse + a lot of oil paintings?” ok.. and? plenty of ppl of all political stances have blogs that meet that description

“i don’t like x person so they can’t be a lesbian” this is honestly only applicable to like. 4 diff Terfs™

“complete lack of understanding of intersectional feminism” more irony tbh but someone not believing the same bastardisation of intersectional feminism that u do doesn’t mean they don’t understand intersectional feminism.

“sources all from 1995” blatantly false, not even worth arguing against tbh bc anyone who looks at the sources would see that some come from as recently as 2017/2018.

“we don’t hate trans people!!!” honestly for a group of Evil, Murderous women, so far everything you’ve listed has been completely harmless. like. rly? someone saying they don’t hate trans ppl is part of ur bingo?

“not wanting to be misgendered is oppressive” this was def never argued by anyone. im guessing the real argument is “making using he/she pronouns for someone a crime is oppressive” which. it kinda is. hate speech & harassment are one thing, someone saying “he” should never be a crime.

“”acts of violence” aka trans women existing” ok i guess we’re just gonna pretend like trans women arent capable of ever being violent now? but also.. this is rich coming from the group that thinks words are Literal Violence. hm

“it’s just science” ok but biological sex ... is science.

“worshipping white women” more racism in this bingo, acting like woc don’t exist and like we’re all just a monolith that agree with TRAs and couldn’t possibly disagree without somehow being white women’s lapdogs

“men trying to invade our spaces” men have literally done this throughout history & still do this to this day.

“upper-middle class” this one is probs the furthest from the truth tbh, ive come across more rich TRAs than anything but. most Terfs™ i can think of are poor or middle class so.. hm

“i know all about trans issues bc i took a gender studies class” idk where op even got the idea for this one bc this one is Definitely not something ive seen any Terf™ say

tldr this post sucks and i need spicy mayos to stop speaking for poc when u get to go offline and get the same advantages any other white person does.

i’m losing terf followers so please keep unfollowing me :^)

[itsathrowawayaccount-blog1]

callout for lovethatdiscourse

if you’re a discourse blog, especially if you participate in either side of ace discourse, please reblog this and spread awareness!

specifically this is regarding ‘mod a’, one of two mods who runs lovethatdiscourse. they are viciously and proudly transphobic against trans men and afab nb people, believe that a good chunk or most of twefs/terfs are trans men/afab nb people, and use violent speech such as death threats against other trans people who disagree with them.

(bulk of the post is under a cut for length)

(#1: I assume all afab trans/non binary people (no matter how male aligned or not) are terfs until I’m given evidence to the contrary. #don’t reblog // #don’t reblog you fucks #twefs // #mod a #this isn’t about any of our followers btw #I mean if you follow us at all it probably means you’re not a terf so there’s that lol)

(#2: dfab nb people are cancelled #the nbcourse #the dfabcourse #mod a #transmisogyny #if you all don’t stop purposefully dancing around that....)

(#3: Asker: About 90% of Terfs are cis stop blaming this on trans men. There are afab trans ppl who are Terfs but they are few and far between. Terfs hate trans men too. They want to ‘help’ trans men by calling them women.

lovethatdiscourse: I’ll blame whoever the fuck I want. #twefs // #pieces of shit gallery #mod a #Anonymous)

(#4: Asker: mmm youre super transphobic bye lol

lovethatdiscourse: That’s trans men’s favorite word to describe transfeminine people they don’t like... I ever so wonder why that could be................

Trans men have been calling me transphobic for years for putting them in their place. This isn’t new and it’s not making me run with my tail between my legs lmao. Especially when these transbr0 fucks wouldn’t bat an eye at being called transmisogynistic, which they fucking are.

And it’s so not a term that can describe any unifying experience among all trans people (in fact, quite often used specifically against transfems). Like I doubt anyone would contest that. It’s a term used by and for transmisogyny exempt people (and these transbr0s don’t know what that even means lmao!)

So I’m not falling for any of this. I’m not falling for this notion that I can be “defeated” with a word that lost any meaning of solidarity when trans men let accusations of transmisogyny roll right off their backs.

Like it’s soooooo fucking transparent that this faux misgendering will be made into a huge deal but these simpering trans men are still scratching their heads and running in circles to defend their words when I suggested those words were borne of transmisogynistic thinking. I’m not falling for it a phaisti! #the transbrocourse #transmisogyny #mod a)

(#5: I should be over trans men’s inability to be truthful about anything. I really should, but alas I am not. #the transbrocourse #mod a)

(#6: Like, do not be fooled. Trans men lying about me and what I say is them using their most useful tool in harming transfeminine people. Trans men lying about transfems has led to numerous incidents where transfems were run off the site due to harassment, doxxing, and threats.

It’s like it’s their natural instinct. #intellectual dishonesty #transmisogyny #the transbrocourse #mod a

I cannot reiterate enough how much trans men annoy me #mod a)

(#7: Asker: You need to step down and stop referring to guzma as a woman what the fuck. And none of their group has said that trans men have it worse than trans women, literally none of them think transmisandry is real and only just said that cis women still oppress trans men so cis privilege Does mitigate male privilege in some instances. Also neither of you are trans women so why are you talking for us?????

lovethatdiscourse: Stop pretending you’re a trans woman you gray circle with glasses motherfucker, and I’m transfeminine so I’m speaking for myself Gertrude. 

And I know someone would be dumb enough to think I was calling any of those transbr0s women. Especially because they all have literally used the defense “we don’t pass as men we aren’t in the same class as cis men” to push their bad opinions. 

Go crawling back to your creepy obnoxious clique. 

Ah I found out you’re most likely bitter-wizard, someone who’s not a trans woman at all, so lmao not surprised there. #reading comprehension #intellectual dishonesty #the transbrocourse #mod a #Anonymous)

[NOTE: lotusveil was hella nasty in their own right but thankfully they have deactivated since]

(#8: lovethatdiscourse: I honestly hate that certain crew going around saying “hating binary trans people isn’t progressive” because I know their intrinsic motivations. It’s another case where gender neutral terms benefit trans men while offering nothing to trans women. 

But it’s a correct statement! But I know that they’re hiding behind the implicit grouping with trans women to avoid criticism. Which only provides evidence to me of how manipulative they are, knowing full well that they openly disapprove of people hating trans men. But they don’t say that hating trans men isn’t progressive, because they know people could and probably would argue against that, using legitimate Discourse, so they have to hide behind trans women yet again. 

I’m probably just riding my usual high of cynicism and paranoia cocktails, but I really, truly do not trust these men, under any circumstances ever. 

lotusveil: as a trans woman: shut up. 

you’re turning trans men into a scapegoat so you can pretend to be our ally while actively sidelining us and it’s gross as fuck.

lovethatdiscourse: “And yes I saw the don’t rebubble and ignored it” all that makes you is a complete and utter waste of human life that’s better off buried 300 feet under a glacier in Antarctica. Like congrats, you accomplished nothing other than getting blocked. You tried it though?

And I’m transfeminine you stupid piece of shit. At least have the wherewithal to like read a simple about page before your barely has 10 posts “I’m an authoritarian communist” truscum ass decides to smear your vile idiocy all over my blog. 

Die.)

(#9: playugly: im just saying, straight cis men will learn your politics and infiltrate your community or safe space just so they can have a chance to fuck you.

lovethatdiscourse: As will straight trans men. #just saying

Asker: So basically cis gay men are welcome to mod this blog but not straight trans men... what the actual fuck.

lovethatdiscourse: Yeah pretty much. Straight men aren’t welcome here. #eat my transfem ass br0 #Anonymous)

(#10: But I’m not kidding trans men (and all transmascs) terrify me #I hate transmascs #mod A)

there are more screencaps besides but this thing is long enough. if you use tumblr’s search (click here) you can see for yourself what a wreck of a person they are. i would definitely recommend all trans and nb people block + avoid this blog for their own mental health and safety. please avoid any sort of contact with this person, including anons.