#im ruining my children’s lives by being sick and disabled
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Huge thank you to @kyra45 for bringing me to tumblr. I can basically say all my brain thoughts here and my heart thoughts and people can ignore me like they do in person.
My tags are fun today. Enjoy
#brain thoughts#heart thoughts#tomorrows my birthday#and I really don’t care#my vet is my best friend now#I call her my cats auntie#Poppy has the feline version of a diaper rash#she gets butt paste put on her#my vet gave her an oatmeal bath to soothe her bottom#I don’t know why im making all these tags#check out poppy’s go fund me#i feel like shit#i am not okay#i hate being sick#chronically fucked up#mental health#im not ready#suicidal ideations are my constant company#im ruining my children’s lives by being sick and disabled#pls ignore#how many more til 30#TW life#tw mental health#trigger warnings#I have the fray how to save a life on repeat in my brain#also matchbox20 3am#it’s my birthday weekend and I want to go to so many concerts but there are so few handicap accessible ones#have you ever thought about how dangerous crowded places are for those with limited mobility#it’s like a guaranteed death trap#I want to go see fall out boy and new found glory and Matt rife but none of those venues are anything close to safe for us
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As Morty once said
“Nobody exists on purpose
Nobody belongs anywhere
Everybody’s gonna die,
Come watch tv”
And rick once said
“When you know nothing matters. The universe is yours”
When I was little I never realized how true this statement was.
Rick and morty is a sh*tshow of an asswhole grandpa and a boy with autism and anxiety who is forced along on sci-fi magical adventures completely unrealistic…
But it’s also such a realistic vision of reality.
You realize nothing means anything and suddenly your on top of the world….
I think this show really shows us a view of our thoughts and our feelings. Even the most cold hearted guy has feelings and he’s just a broken sad man who lost his whole family and tries to mask his hurt under alcohol…
It’s true. When we’re young we’re taught “your gonna do big things”
The harsh truth is that isn’t a fact.
The truth is that you have to work for your future. And that’s okay because that means it’s worth it.
If you find something to live for, that’s a big help
But it also teaches us that if we don’t also live for ourselves,
We’re just depressed people trying to make others happy…
Im a bigender (she/he) autistic, American, Christian.
But I’m not all into religious sh*t either.
Do I believe there’s a god? Yes.
Do I believe in heaven/hell? Yes.
Do I love Jesus and believe he loves us? Yes.
Am I scared sh*t less that I’m wrong and will go to hell? F*ck yes!
But also….
Do I WANT to constantly worry about everything, no.
Do I discriminate blacks/gays/disabled people? NO.
I’m a Christian but I don’t have to agree with everything everyone believes in.
I don’t even go to church every Sunday/Wednesday…
I’m different and that’s okay…
I have people I live for
My grandpa, my dad, my baby brother, the love of my life…
But I’m learning to live for myself as well
I wanna push past my anxiety and depression and PTSD and stress.
My trust issues and flashbacks
But I also don’t want to be naive and get hurt again.
Knowledge is power. But it’s also a burden.
Being naive is bad. But it’s also a blissful gift.
I have to live with both and suffer the consequences. But I also enjoy what life has to offer….
You may be thinking “you got all that from a stupid show for teens and adults!”
Yes. Yes I did:
Because I’m also an empath that feels for everyone
Real or not
Good or bad
I firmly believe everyone has feelings but not everyone wants to use them, knows how to use them, or has to use them.
Good people and bad people there’s not always a fine line
There’s a gray area because evil isn’t born it’s made (a quote from once upon a time)
A lot of shows teach children there is “good and bad nothing more”
But Rick and morty showed me that there’s more to it than just that: everyone has a life, it’s your choice how you live it….
And not everyone succeeds, not because they gave up. But because life pushed them to that limit.
Let’s show life we’re stronger and stand as one
Stop discrimination, stop bullying, stop wars, stop fighting.
We’re all people
Black, white, Asian, japenese, Mexican, mixed, Chinese.
All cultures, races, religions, non religions, rich, poor, healthy, sick, fat, skinny, gay, straight,
And that doesn’t mean everyone is good.
There are sick people out here (pedophiles and cold blooded child murderers)
And they try to ruin the image of humans and cause fights.
We shouldn’t let them. We should fight back and know what’s right
Wether you believe in (any) god. Gods. Or no god.
Wether your in LGBTQ, or unable to support (cause of culture/religion), just don’t believe in it (but respect it), or your ally/straight.
Let’s all be humans.
Let’s all be ourselves.
Let’s focus on reality and make the fantasy of peace come true….
That’s what I wished to say.
Thank you for reading…
As an American, Christian, Bigender bisexual
🏳️🌈✝️🇺🇸
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I’d like to thank
@myradfemblog for finding an extremely old porn blog of mine. I forgot it existed and it actually makes me sick to see that I was role playing such sick disgusting trauma that I went through thinking it would help when it made me so much worse. Thank you for abusing me over something I repeatedly asked you to give me the link to because I wasn’t going to go through your slander about me to find it.
I want to also say thanks because you pointing that out and me seeing that made me cry both from being triggered and realizing how far I’ve come. That I am extremely kink critical now. When I used to be heavily into it. That I don’t whore myself out anymore because “sex work makes me strong”. God I used to genuinely believe that. Makes me sick. I was so so sick. I was still victimizing myself back then...
But now.. I am a survivor.
Everyone advocated for and ignored the dangers of extreme methods of “beat the child into submission”. (Looking at you old people) It’s so sad cause I still see it now. The way a person who I had a normal discussion with suddenly gets to violently abuse me and degrade me just because they didn’t like what I had to say. Sounds like abusive parents. Everything’s cool til it’s not.
My dad beat my ass cause at 9 years old because I looked him in the eyes and told him to stop drinking cause he was being mean. Telling the truth got me abused. Look at that what a surprise.
Humans communicate differently than other creatures on the planet. Does that mean the other creatures don’t communicate? No. That just means they do things different. They don’t need vaccines because they were meant to survive and live here. If humans didn’t have their science we would all be dead! We are in a race with the planet to see who can kill who first. Will we kill the planet (which kills us too idiots) or will the planet eradicate us via disease and natural disasters and heal itself and start over (we still dead). Or do we chill on our population and help the earth heal by bein more considerate of our surroundings. Yeah none of you like me because I say it how it is without thinking about how it will affect any of you. So that means you get to abuse me. I’m not hurting anyone by simply sharing my views. Yet I am being hurt for speaking my views. I’m not actively slitting the throats of disabled people. I’m not saying we have to round up the retards that already exist and just shoot them. They should just be left in their natural form. Yeah give artificial limbs out cause that’s science but giving a nasty fat fuck a wheel chair cause boohoo they can’t loose weight? Nah true waste of resources. I’m saying we use the science that is our only advantage to prevent that from ever happening again.
All I’m doing is talking on MY BLOG. & I get death threats and told I should be raped by my father all over again. Simply for sharing my feelings on what will 1000000% save the greater good. It doesn’t even have to be permanent. Imagine if every grown man had to get a vasectomy for the next 20 years til all the excited potential parents get throughly processed to see if they are psychologically, psychically, financially and home stable to have children. Then there is a massive database of all the adorable kids waiting to find homes and they get to meet and have a 30 day period where THE CHILD decides if they like their new potential parents. Every couple/person wanting to adopt can adopt up to 2 kids and the kids get a say too.
Humans are not special and I don’t care if you disagree with me. Yet for some reason we literally act like gods gift (complete pun intended) That think who fucking cares what we do to everything around us including ourselves because this is OUR EARTH. We can do what WE WANT. Blah blah blah. Then the WHITE MEN put control on EVERYONE. Then slowly we colored folk said fuck you and made our own lives cause who gives a flying fuck about someone’s skin color except for white people. Then the humans just started literally takin over. Who cares if a bunch of birds nests lived in this tree? I want my new condo that I spend 2-3 months a year in right fucking here so the homes of those birds don’t matter. Let’s massively hunt these animals into extinction for our pleasure. (Okay Hitlers)
We are selfish
I wasn’t raised like you. I wasn’t raised by anyone but my own fucking brain. I never had any positive influences but the voices in my head. We see the world for what it is and not the false reality im creating for myself. I won’t even say ‘most’ if you were raised right because even today in 2019 the system and adults hide the abuse and damage that is really happening. Clearly this whole system isn’t working.
I was raised that literally everything in the whole world was both good and bad. So I learned to be objective and unbiased. Your feelings are what get you killed. Ask any dead kid who didn’t speak up about their abusive parents. And any bleeding out gangbanger who got felt offended by a color and killed someone over it. Someone who felt the desire to get high cause they have no self control and killed some to get $$. But it wasn’t them because even though they felt the need to do the drugs it wasn’t their fault.
So why are we going to keep adding more and more children to the solution when we don’t even know what to do with the poor innocent souls that we have now? We just pretend it’s not that big a deal and keep adding feul (the kids) to the fire (the shitty system). CLEARLY you all know there’s a problem and nothing any of you are doing is working.
So when do we take extreme measures? When do we ACTUALLY make a change. We have nuclear bombs hell ANY bomb and those are okay “when absolutely necessary” but allowing people to have kids they can’t afford, can’t raise, got raped into them, got one night standed with, can’t handle. A BOMB AFFECTS HUMANS AND THE ENVIRONMENT NEGATIVELY. Humans getting neutered (since that’s what you call it for other creatures) will effect the world positively. The bombs are okay though? We can MASS destroy life but we can’t mass PREVENT it from having to be destroyed or emotionally ruined in the first place? Not forever just til we get our shit together.
The abominations and retards. That’s EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE that’s why no one likes when you mention it. They are like the endless elephant in the room. I will die by the quote, “A few bad apples ruins the whole barrel”. We think that it’s perfectly okay to keep adding bad genes to our makeup while simultaneously praying we live forever. It’s so tiresomely contradicting.
If you can all make such a fucking effort for these retard abominations that you breed. Then you can STOP breeding COMPLETELY until you give the kids homes that need them. Those kids will be more likely to become doctors getting adopted out to good homes. Then if they get left to rot in a shitty system while they walk in a grocery store with their mean foster mom and see a happy young couple PREGNANT with their first child when they could have adopted him. If you choose to give birth instead of adopting then you might as well walk up to a kid in a foster/group home and tell them they are garbage and ain’t ever going anywhere.
I still haven’t had my question answered... why does ANY HUMAN ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET need to breed when there are already so many homeless children?
So what is it are we going to stop breeding and adopt all the kids out to good homes that have been more throughly evaluated than a simple background check and having enough beds and money?
Are we going to keep creating a whole brand new system for the retards when the perfectly able children who would flourish with good parents system is still completely fucked?
Giving whole TV shows to literal human abominations for entertainment. Or humans that are forced to overbreed or sickly do it “for religious reasons”. You get to see how much their disability/struggles makes their life so hard but they are so ~brave and strong~ because society would rather force conjoined twins to spend their lives together or die trying to separate because human euthanasia is wrong until a human kills another human???????
Where does that make sense.
We are going to keep worrying more about the dysfunctional, malfunctioned, rejects of our society before the regular ones? We are going to keep following fake gods we have no proof of so that we don’t have to accept the realities of human nature.
Are we going to not do anything and ignore all the clear issues and keep adding more kids?
The same can be said about the immigrant shit in America. We have so many problems we don’t need anymore people and this place is fucked why would you wanna come here anyway? (I digress on this)
Are we going to keep throwing children out like trash in hopes that someone else will raise the busted nut you let fester in your womb?
Like out of those which one of these which one is the best option? Because all but one are things we are already doing and it isn’t working.
So hate me for being unbiased. But as my therapist (yes I discuss this with BOTH my Ts to make sure I am not delusional) put it. I am not looking at it for the benefit of humans. I’m looking at the benefit of the earth as a whole. I don’t want humans to all die off. But if it’s what it has to take in order for this planet to survive then so be it. There are so many other species, creatures, life on this Planet.
To put it simply you’re all simpleminded.
There is no god because Humans seem to think they are god. & we can breed, have our technology, have our vaccines. But as long as we are still over breeding and not adequately using our resources....
The Human Rights we are fighting for will not matter if there is nothing for the humans to live on.
This Earth is our home and there are too many of us right now. Too many of us doing too many wrong things.
Focus on the Human Wrongs then there will be no need for Human Rights because they will realize they are all just another species on this glorious and beautiful earth.
I know none of you were take anything from this.
You all were taught one way or you think one way and that is it there can’t be any other way and anyone else who thinks differently than that is wrong but at the end of the day my ideas are what will save humanity your ideas are what will destroy it. Your safe space will be irrelevant if you have no where to put it.
A human’s need to add feeling and emotion to everything is our biggest flaw.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk Typing Podcast
#god#radfem#misogyny#radical feminst#yikes#radical feminist#terf#human rights#human resources#natural resources#humans#life#human life#dreams#dissociation#dissociative identity disorder#foster care#justice system#orphans#religion#jesus#jesuschrist#great things#philosophy#environment#environmetalists#mother earth#ted talk#manifesto
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VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN
*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN
cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences
What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!
How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such
Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it
Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)
Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!
If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception
What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman
Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them
Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol
What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear
Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.
What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic
What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)
What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire
Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either
Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo
Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that
What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day
Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)
Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar
Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother
Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it
Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried
How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright
Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)
What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself
What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick
Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me
What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history
Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.
#LONG POST#KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED#saltwaterfox
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On MySpace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? Most likely it was a survey. Man, I wish I could still access those. 15/16 year old me survey answers... yikes.
When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? In room a few weeks ago.
Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? Not scolded, but one told me to take my hoodie off once. ha. He was cool about it.
How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? I zone out a lot.
What’s your favorite thing to think about as you’re falling asleep? I don’t have much control over where my brain goes. It likes to go some weird, random, and sometimes dark places.
Is there anything that you want to do, but you won’t do because you’re too afraid? A lot of things.
Who was the last person to yell at you? Not sure. I don’t get yelled at, but like my parents and I have our disagreements and get frustrated with each other sometimes.
Who gets up the earliest in your household and what about the latest? My dad gets up the earliest everyday even on the weekends when he’s off work. The latest is me.
Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No. My dogs have always been too big to do that.
Which political issues are you most passionate about? I don’t want to get into politics.
You’re going to your favorite foreign country, so what landmarks do you go see? I’d love to check out many places in Sweden.
What’s the longest amount of time that you’ve spent away from your home? A week.
Did the last movie you watched have any emotional affect on you? I just saw Glass on Saturday, which was pretty crazy. In a good way.
What motivates you to go to school? I’m done with school, thank goodness.
How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? I used to always have coffee first thing and then a can of soda later on. Sometimes more coffee later that night. I haven’t had soda; though, in over year. Well, minus the sip I take with my medicine (I have to crush my pills and soda is the only thing I can take it with). Now I’m just about the coffee, twice a day. Nice, warm, big, delicious cups of coffee.
Are you more hyper and up-tight or laid back and relaxed? Hyper and upright don’t seem to go together in the way you paired these things, but I’d say I actually come off laid back to people who don’t really know me and probably just cause I’m pretty quiet, but really I’m more tense and anxious.
When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? *shrug*
How did you pick out your last outfit? I just grabbed some leggings and a sweatshirt. Not much thought went into it.
Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? I would be now.
When was the last children’s birthday party you attended? It’s been a couple years.
Are you good at reading other people’s body language? I think so. I could be taking it the wrong way sometimes, though.
If you’re sick, do you go to school or do you stay home usually? It depended on how sick I was. Typically, I’d power through, but there were times where I just couldn’t. There were times in college before I had a pretty big surgery for something where I was sick a lot and went to school with a fever and chills. I’d have to pop some Tylenol before class, sometimes even during, and just push through. Weak me today can’t relate.
Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? No.
What’s one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? Usually I’m not much into anything because my taste buds are all messed up and everything tastes bland. And then depending on what kind of sick I am, I may not want to eat anything, really. I have to force myself to eat toast or soup in times like that.
Thinking of the last survey you filled out, did you enjoy it? It was okay.
Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? Yeah, before I learned how terrible it is for them. <<<< Same. :X
Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a one or two-year-old? Yeah. Such a long time ago. D:
What set the tone for your mood today? It’s only 1:56AM. So far; though, I feel pretty crappy cause of this cough and cold thing I have going on.
Have you ever set out to ruin someone else’s day? No. I would never intentionally do that.
Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? Just like life in general, ya know?
What was the name of the last video game you played? Life is Strange.
What was the name of the last board game that you played? I don’t remember, it’s been too long. I love board games.
What was the last thing that you told yourself? *shrug*
How many times a day do you wash your face? I actually don’t. I just apply moisturizer sometimes.
If someone throws hot coffee on you, how do you react? Uh, well, I’d react to something HOT being thrown at me and be like WTF? I’ve spilled hot coffee on myself on accident, so I know it’s not a pleasant feeling.
Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I’m doneeee with school.
Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Duplex.
Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Yes. I get told how I’m “too skinny” all the time.
What’s a show from the ’90s that you miss? I mean, I still watch a lot of my favorites from that time.
Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? My brother and I sarcastically joke around all the time.
Have you ever thought about joining the military? No. I couldn’t anyway.
When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or “different” people? I was/am disabled and am quite familiar with the stares.
Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? No...
Do weather patterns sometimes have an affect on your health? Rainy, cold weather can give me headaches and make me achy. Hot weather makes me just absolutely miserable.
If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t snow here. :(
When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? I feel like my family disapproves of me not doing things I should be doing pertaining to my health. I know they get frustrated with me for that.
Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I’m not sure.
How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? Laugh. I’ve been asked the whole, “aye girl, what’s your sign?” before.
How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? Fine.
Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I may feel envious sometimes, but not jealous.
How would you describe a thought that’s sticking with you today? I’ve been thinking about how crappy I feel.
Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? No one in particular.
In a car, air conditioning or roll the windows down? Air conditioning.
Is there a new song or band you’ve discovered? I’ve come across some new music recently. I don’t really listen to music a whole lot like I used to, so I went on Spotify the other day and checked out some new stuff to add to my playlist.
What teacher gives you the most homework?
What type of personality do you find most annoying? Cockiness and arrogance.
Are you punctual? Yes.
Have you ever howled at the full moon? ...No.
Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Yes. EW. The most torturous thing ever was back when I for some reason took this “acting for the camera” class and we’d have to do monologues and skits that were filmed. The WORST part about that was the professor would play everyone’s tape in front of the class and we were to give constructive criticism. Omg it was horrible.
Do you give any consideration to what’s said in your horoscope? I don’t even read those anymore. Back when I used to, I was so opposite of how a Leo is always described. They’re always said to be confident and outgoing people and I’m just like, ahahahahah.
When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? Yikes. I used to feel that way sometimes whenever I had to go to the bus stop or was going home from the bus stop.
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Air ride suspension & Insurance?
Hello, I am male, nearly 18. I want to buy a 2004 / 5 Mini cooper for my first car. Insurance at about 1000 - 1500 quoted. When I get it I want to do some visual mods such as new rims, possibly a colour change, window tints. I know I have to notify my insurance company, whomever it may be and it probably wont effect what I'm paying. But I also want to lower the car, so I researched this and came across these air - ride kits that are air suspension that can be lowered and raised all from in your car with buttoms. These arnt hydralacs, there quite slow to adjust. This would be great for me as I live in a town but I have to drive on a lot of moorland roads, so I could raise it on the moors, lower it in the cities and on motorways etc... Would this effect my insurance at all? Its quite an expensive mod but would it change ( increase ) my insurance costs? Cheers, Alex. I suggest that you try this web site where one can get quotes from different companies: http://insure4car.xyz Which insurance carrier could be the cheapest to get an 18-year old? Iv passed my examination, and bought a citreon saxo 1.1, iv been on many evaluation websites along with the finest quote i get is 3500 third party just which is a lot of. Can anybody help me find a better offer Cheers" Are you currently in support of getting rid of medical insurance if you have preexisting situations? Are you currently in favor of eliminating health insurance for those who have pre-existing conditions? "Just how much per month may be the regular homeowners insurance payment over a 100,000 residence? Cheers a Marine but automobile insurance as well as 20 firmis need to charge me 500$ a month??? HELP? I simply got my certificate two months back I'm while in the marines and registered after I was 17 and in florida it cost 350$ to truly get your certificate before you are 18 and that I couldn't afford it. I'm a guy that is very busy and it took time before i could obtain it. Every two weeks i make 600 and i am planning to obtain a vehicle i am stationed at camp lejeune NC. For that vehicle loan i will be spending about 350 to 400 monthly. Its not that I'm paying interest to the mortgage for 11 for devoid of any credit that bad. However the insurance companies need to impose me everywhere from 450 to 700 per month i have simply checked out a couple of companies but it takes forever to fill in the knowledge and some of them do not read my target because i am on a military platform so i need to call them-and you all no how that goes. Thus my problem is what is a companie that will not be superior. I've to get full-coverage because of the mortgage. please simply considerable answerer's and from personal experience. I'm an, sorry basically wrote things wrong I'm not in a reputation faculty. But assume you for the aid a fantastic evening, and have." "Does anyone understand of getting your newborn stay, the typical daily charge?" I know many people have insurance that helps cover a particular %, but what sum may be the genuine cost the clinic expenses the insurance carrier along with the patient pay?" How come motor insurance therefore pricey for an 18 year old? I was looking at estimates and so they all range from 1000-1400 simply for half a year over a Nissan Sentra SR - E spec v. Which insurance may be the cheapest and you also could recommend. Its to get a scholar only for university and work. "WHERE MAY I FIND CHEAP AUTO INSURANCE ON MY FIRST CAR, iM 17?" I DONT WANT TO COVER 8000 I WOULD LIKE CHEAP,, AID:)" I want affordable health insurance. & cheap? Actually im browsing a cheap and affordable for my gf. She's working careers with all the annual income of $ 16,000, but she doesn't get any company gains... She has been sick alot lately and im genuinely worried for her, specially when she is only 20-year old dwelling her step parents. Her stepparents got 2 children of their own so her requirements are completely ignored by them, so it is up to me to accomplish my far better assist her. She's disqualify with medical since her step parents make alots of money. Can someone please supply me about getting affordable health insurence for your low income, some information? Perhaps some link there? Thankyou" Looking for a health insurance? I'm 23 and my spouse is 25, we are in excellent wellness, and therefore are trying to find health insurance. I would like an affordable strategy, but in addition the one which is generally accepted. I understand insurance isn't just affordable, but I really hope you-all can go with what I'm saying. Cheers" Co-Consumer Autoinsurance? All, I assisted ex GF to purchase a car. I thought I had been cosigning for loan but apparantly I'm a co customer of vehicle. The enrollment is her or me. I dont mind being in charge of loan. If she messes up mortgage I'll make funds. She informs me she's vehicle correctly covered etc. What worries if she lets insurance mistake or cause a significant incident could I end up in difficulty me is. Can I guarantee myself against her making insurance mistake or creating major injury/destruction? I actually have no individual automobile insurance (have business automobile). Is there other things I can do to safeguard myself? Im very focused on this. Do I need to be? Terry" Insurance companies that dont enable pit bulls? Does anybody know what insurance companies defianatly won't insure you when you have pit bulls. I am aware some that'll I simply wish to know those that definately wont." "From these vehicles, what type can have the cheapest insurance? Suzuki Forenza 2007 Mazda3 2005 I had hail damage to my car and my insurance carrier did an estimation which can be 100% less than 3 reput I had my car ruined by hail and I have comprehensivr coverage. My insurance carrier had an adjuster do the estimate and his appraisal is 100% less than 3 additional calculated I'd completed (a few of which weer by merchants they work with...CRP). They are telling me it can be taken by me in and they will pay the merchants an extra look for the excess charges. I really don't need to consider it in as a result of my deductible and they are informing me just about the only method i can actually recoup the cash owed to me is to have it set...I buy my plan so when I am aware it, I'm eligible for the settlement of the damage and it is my selection to possess it fixed or not...am I appropriate or inappropriate in my own knowledge????" Is it too simple to get onto disability insurance while in the United States? 8,753,935: Employees on Impairment Collection Another History in September; Exceed Populace of 39 States the amount of individuals acquiring national disability insurance obligations struck still another file in September, improving to 8,753,935 throughout the month from the past document of 8,733,461 emerge August, according to freshly launched data in the Social Security Management. The 8,753,935 employees who got national disability insurance obligations in September realized the 50 states' populace of 39. Colorado only 11 statesCalifornia, Ny, California, Illinois, Philadelphia, Iowa, Mi, Georgia, North Carolina and New Jerseyhad more individuals inside them compared to amount of individuals about the national disability insurance rolls in July." Car-Insurance need advice? I've one car with 24 years no claims and am likely to function as policyholder for my daughters vehicle. Can i set down that i have 24 years no-claims or do i have to begin again (in the feeling set 0 along??)Im very confused by the approach as i haven't needed to do this before, plus it is very difficult for him to afford insurance if we-don't get it done in this manner so if anybody knows of any good cheap insurance firms" Medicare or additional health insurance that is affordable? I live in NY, merely moved below and have to find somewhat inexpensive medical insurance. Up till now was covered by strategies through employers. Is Medicare protection that is reasonable? Can it be very different from others?" Inexpensive auto insurance safe to possess? Iam likely to purchase car insurance along with the premiums Iam finding are very minimal, $72.00 per month (Modern) and $92.00 (Geico). But I had been thinking whether it's secure, and I picked the stateis lowest minimum coverage that was accessible /ok to achieve that? Thanks:)" Sweetheart experienced crash has insurance/SR 22. Whose insurance will soon be responsible? My boyfriend has received an insurance plan having an SR 22 about it for pretty much annually. It finishes in 6 days. He was driving my auto to function and got into a collision that has been his problem. My car has hardly any damage and that I don't believe the other vehicle was severely damaged. My mother has an insurance policy on my vehicle (I live along with her) But because my sweetheart was driving and he has insurance with all the SR 22 doesn't which means that that it will go on his insurance? Isn't that the actual explanation he had to really have the SR22 within the first-place? Cheers. "Do you want proof insurance when receiving certificate in alabama?" I cant have it by tomorrow although i know you will need it. Since they have the info stored within the computers is it okay? i need support!!" How much would insurance cost for my moped? Therefore I'm likely to be 16 shortly and Iam planning to get a 50cc scooter. Could someone tell me what insurance's average-cost could charge please? Cheers "Because she got 9 penalty items our children car insurance has more than doubled. she wishes?" Me get her wear that insurance then to acquire insurance on her vehicle. While she is under my insurance, if she gets points could that influence the insurance on my own cars' price or could provided that she caused a collision produce my insurance increase. I really could get a years insurance on her car for less than the buying price of 1 regular payment she'd have to pay for her own insurance. what you think. She will be disqualified from driving if she gets 3 more points. what i have composed mightn't seem sensible. I wish to learn easily do that on her behalf while being on my insurance could that put up my insurance prices for what or several my vehicles and he or she gets disqualified if a collision is caused by her or wouldn't it just result my insurance. while shes on my insurance. * 41 minutes ago - 3 days left to reply. Additional Facts 40 minutes before we live in the UK. Sorry this really is extended i found it difficult to publish what I used to be really looking to ask. 33 minutes ago i know if she causes an accident while she's on my insurance ot might influence my insurance fees but when she was to acquire disqualified while she's on my insurance could that effect me inurances oin anyhow. She don't be on my insurance anymore if she gets disqualified. 14 minutes previously only 3 of her penalty factors are for rushing. she explained the other 6 things are because there is a mixture up along with her insurance last period and he or she was uninured for 4 nights and was grabbed by the police. She got 6 details for that in court a few months ago. She hadnt visited work to signal for this so she got captured for that although she said she that she had called them and approved the coverage they assumed it would continue quickly and sent her to restore it. She was merely uninsured for 4 nights as a result of her mistake that time. Sorry if you answerd this-but i put it on US bing responses by way of a mistake plus it didnt appear in UK google answers and so I desired solutions from people that knows about motor insurance in the united kingdom" Do you have medical health insurance? Just how much is it per month in that case? how old are you? What type of deducatbale have you got? Feel free should you choose not have insurance, to reply additionally? Furthermore, do you assist obamacare?" What's insurance expense? A review of the ledger of Khan Company at December 31, 2006, provides the following data regarding the planning of yearly adjusting entries. 1. Prepaid Insurance 800, $9. The organization has individual plans on its structures and its particular automobiles. Coverage B4564 to the building was obtained on July 1, 2005, for $ 6. The plan has an expression of 36 months. Coverage A2958 about the cars was purchased for $ 4. This plan features a phrase of a couple of years." What motor insurance coverage is actually essential? And just how much of each do you really require? Where may I acquire medical health insurance? Iam possess a low-income and Iam buying correct insurance policy. Thus my boss won't get an insurance for me personally, I are a component time career. Please if everyone knows any...show more" Air ride suspension & Insurance? Hello, I am male, nearly 18. I want to buy a 2004 / 5 Mini cooper for my first car. Insurance at about 1000 - 1500 quoted. When I get it I want to do some visual mods such as new rims, possibly a colour change, window tints. I know I have to notify my insurance company, whomever it may be and it probably wont effect what I'm paying. But I also want to lower the car, so I researched this and came across these air - ride kits that are air suspension that can be lowered and raised all from in your car with buttoms. These arnt hydralacs, there quite slow to adjust. This would be great for me as I live in a town but I have to drive on a lot of moorland roads, so I could raise it on the moors, lower it in the cities and on motorways etc... Would this effect my insurance at all? Its quite an expensive mod but would it change ( increase ) my insurance costs? Cheers, Alex. I suggest that you try this web site where one can get quotes from different companies: http://insure4car.xyz How can I get my insurance? I'm 17 years of age. Insurance ca n't be afforded by my dad since he's 4 kids plus they wont offer him free insurance. I reside in Georgia. I would like insurance cause I end-up paying out WITHOUT ANY HELP like 90$ to visit the doctor. I don't think it really is alright not to have insurance. So what do I actually do? Where do I do this? Could they allow a 17-year old to get insurance by their home (being a modest)" Do you think aero updates may cause my insurance to move up? I wished to then add aero upgrades for my car and stay near Va international raceway. I also want to decrease it and get performance wheels. You think my insurance will be increased by this considerably? I'm simply curious what others believe although I cannot call until tomorrow. 16 yr-old Insurance question.? On what auto insurance might charge every six months/ from the year for a 16-year old child who has already been in an accident, not with another car, what could the insurance cost on the 1994 camaro v6 any guesses." What's the top website review and to reseach autoinsurance rates? What's a good website when studying autoinsurance, touse. One where each other and I can get numerous rates from numerous insurers and compare them?" Who offers reliable and inexpensive car insurance? Money is truly tight at this time, and my car insurance is around $120 a month with Liberty Good. I am considering different agencies that provide great support and are less expensive. Is Geico great? Any kind of other firms I should have a look at? Our history isn't too good. One racing ticket." What's the least expensive motor insurance to have to get a 22-year old for full coverage? What's the cheapest car insurance to get to get a 22 year old for full-coverage? Question about Auto Insurance Prices? I'm had my drivers license for about 2 months, and 17 years old. Insurance costs are not mad low for me personally at this time. I want to understand how long does it take for your costs to reduce? I've Allstate today, nonetheless it may change, and if it affects anything I live-in California. Cheers" Auto insurance yay...? Therefore first-off let me only say I know that the cost I.e will be changed by all the variables going into this. Sort of auto I've, range I will be driving etc. I was just curious if anybody can inform me just how much I'd expect to pay per month for car insurance easily was voided the final time around? I used to be spending 90 a month $ time me over charged another month, therefore I did not pay it I quit my job. I know smart! Lol.) Would it not increase just because in the past I've shown that I'm false? Does one also HAVE to have full coverage over a car you havenot fully paid off yet? This could be dif state to state. (MN) worthwhile info would be appreciated cheers:)" Insurance appraisal?15?Sportbike? I will be 9 and 15 weeks with a permit. I'll have a Honda CBR 600RR and that I wondered just how much would my insurance be? What the chapest and how can i have the cheapest. Become a carefull rider. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-get-temporary-car-insurance-one-week-florida-irene-davies in Arizona? My father and I have not been in decades to a doctor, he is almost 55 and it's definitely time he gets a checkup. We create a lot to get state insurance although unfortunately, we are not the wealthiest the folks. If you'll find any inexpensive insurance options I was wondering. The lowest priced I Have had the opportunity to get is $133 per month which is still not pretty low for us. Oh be 19 in a few months, which appears to be the cutoff household insurance era." "Does anybody know where-to get cheap UK motor insurance for a 17 year old guy, preferable uder 1000.?" Does anyone know where-to get cheap UK motor insurance for a 17-year old male, preferable uder 1000.?" Motor insurance lowering (OFFICIALLY!!!!)? Right, i inform the entire history. Im 17 in a few months, thus my parents have granted me 000 for insurance and a vehicle, 5, which i imagined could be lots for something decent. however, as i need to insure the automobile myself (no fronting), as well as an organization one heap of c**p expenses over 3,000 to ensure. I understand I really could get move plus, but any kind of other ways to reduce the payments that are ridiculous legally? And what are the providers who give a superior value for individuals that are new? Cheers for your aid:)" "To get a 17-year old, simply how much about is auto insurance (relatively) and which sites are cheaper? We were imagining Place or State Park "Just how do I get the best offer on a rental car, and what about insurance?" I do want to get the best price I could, although I'm likely to Orlando for 3nights, and want to rent a car while I am there. What is the easiest way to accomplish this...recommendations/suggestions? I am also somewhat confused about the entire insurance problem, since this can be my firsttime hiring a vehicle. I really do not want to pay double just to get insurance basically don't actually need it. Please clarify. Cheers!" Are bank holidays operated on by insurance companies? I'dn't mind getting some insurance for my moped tomorrow, but I observed its bank holiday monday...Can this stop me getting through to them?" Paying for Insurance problem? Alright, how is it possible for me personally to fund insurance for only a few nights rather than a month at the same time? If so, how?" Whats the top motor insurance site to review? Trying to find cheap auto insurance, plz:)" Rental-car insurance? I simply offered my car (02/04) and am looking to rentacar until I choose the new-car (02/05-02/15). What happens towards the auto-insurance that I'd with all the car that I recently bought (I settled the coverage until 02/16). Was it immediately fired once my automobile was bought by me? Because my plan handles the insurance for your rentalcar also, if it will proceed until 02/16, I dont need to pay for added rental insurance at a rental store (I really believe I paid around $13 per-day before). Likewise, does debit cards (from nearby banks) also usually address the insurance for your rental car too (I am aware most of credit cards accomplish that)." "I am discriminated against by motor insurance organization because I had been not blessed in the united kingdom?" I had a quote for auto insurance via a well-known national company. They were informed I talked to your agent and had no beliefs, claims etc. I rang and had a UK permit for 5 years and he or she confirmed the offer. I decided to take and named them, the next time. We experienced my info and the adviser claimed, so that you were delivered in the UK? I said no, I am a UK homeowner but I was born abroad. I talked to a manger who explained it was legitimate when I told him I was specific it was illegitimate because the only information that had transformed was my place of start and took issue, he ultimately stated the initial offer would be honoured by him. The coverage was subsequently acquired by me with a one off transaction. Insurance is just a racket and I do not think they should be alllowed to acquire by with this. Does anyone know anything about that and so what can be performed next-to make sure it doesn't eventually other folks?" Motorcycle Insurance 16yr Old? I'm 16, about getting a crotch rocket, I'm thinking, and only wanna know about insurance. State: Minnesota Year of cycle: 1995-2005 I'm considering 650cc - 750cc I've encounter on cycles (dirt bikes) I do realize their is some difference I've a grade average of Bis or more." Hard expense of insurance class 17 cars? Hi all, I am looking at a Lotus Elise for my next vehicle. Its insurance group 17 and I'm 25 with almost two years no statements. Anyone know around exactly what the insurance could be? Thanks xx" Sports car with minimal insurance price? I'm 16 and i'm planning to get yourself a vehicle when iam 18. I'm keeping more income up so i will get a great car. I get vehicles very seriously. I thought of getting even a car or a 1990-1996 miata like that. I need a need a superb hunting automobile that's rwd transmission." Car crash today what? insurance problem? I used to be in my own first major car crash, my car was totaled. I used to be waiting at the light to make a left turn, the natural arrow emerged on and that I went plus some one from the other part of the lane inside the opposite way went a red light and hit me, he promises about the document he does not understand how the incident happened. I recently wanted to know what do you think can happen? His information is not on my police record although a was talking to the police. It has to go through his insurance what are the chances not me and that they will realize that he was within the wrong??" "Just how much could be the annual average insurance to get a sixteen year ?" Simply how much is the yearly normal insurance for a sixteen year . Liability only. And if you need to understand insurance and the vehicle corp 21st insurance, and its a 1995 Ferrari f355. Please offer authentic averages and that I am serious so please severe and authentic solutions. The reason is please inform me the price only for per year. Please true solutions and severe." Health Insurance Distress? Iam a college student at the time of right-now and I'm covered under my mother's program. She's an OR nurse pretty much anywhere I get in this town I actually donot need to pay considerably to have a scheduled appointment because all of them are with people who perform for a medical facility she works for. Within the slide I will attend a two states aside where my choice to get college medical insurance or enroll to acquire it can be waived by me. Considering my health insurance for this specific spot do I enroll for your college insurance only truly works? or renounce? Since I am aware I will be receiving checkups and such on campus anyway." Air ride suspension & Insurance? Hello, I am male, nearly 18. I want to buy a 2004 / 5 Mini cooper for my first car. Insurance at about 1000 - 1500 quoted. When I get it I want to do some visual mods such as new rims, possibly a colour change, window tints. I know I have to notify my insurance company, whomever it may be and it probably wont effect what I'm paying. But I also want to lower the car, so I researched this and came across these air - ride kits that are air suspension that can be lowered and raised all from in your car with buttoms. These arnt hydralacs, there quite slow to adjust. This would be great for me as I live in a town but I have to drive on a lot of moorland roads, so I could raise it on the moors, lower it in the cities and on motorways etc... Would this effect my insurance at all? Its quite an expensive mod but would it change ( increase ) my insurance costs? Cheers, Alex. I suggest that you try this web site where one can get quotes from different companies: http://insure4car.xyz
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This is long and has a trigger warning
This will seem all over the place because thats just how it’s come out-
I feel like this is fitting this year cause it’s been (nearly) 5 years. 5 years on the 14/11 ( 11/14 ). This day changed my life- so cliché.
Brief family history- my dad was a biochemist, my mum a nurse (and a few other jobs). Which seems to irrelevant now- they both worked there asses off. My dad is my favourite parent if you can have one, this is because me and my mum are stupidly similar so we’d bash heads a lot which would often leave me in tears and feeling really deflated. My brother has ADHD which is a pain because when he’s on a ‘war path’ it’s horrendous and why I can’t deal with shouting or sudden movements or anything being thrown in my directions (even tho im a great catch most the time)
So on this date 5 years ago my dad got told he had bile duct cancer. Which isn’t that common, however he wasn’t that worried cause it goes in stages and we thought it’d been caught early…. He was told he had stage 4 and had 6 months to live. i don’t remember much honestly but my main memory is being in the foetal position against the cold tiles in a boiling bath listening to ‘Somewhere in neverland’. My dad was put on chemo. So a ‘famous’ case of this cancer is the Guy who played Robbie rotten in lazy town who died after 2 years of fighting the cancer. My dad had always said that at my wedding he’d dye his beard purple, so because the reality of the cancer was he’d be dead by then he started colouring his beard – hes had blue, green, red, orange, purple, pink and turquoise.
So on the 9/11 (11/9) I had been at a gig, Mallory knox, blitz kids (still my faves) and the crooks. i don’t really remember much but I know that Mallory knox and blitz kids are two of my all time favourite bands due to the fact they ‘were there’ in some of my darkest moments.
~TRIGGER WARNING~ So this date also means its been 5 years of me self-harming and being very all over the place. I remember when my mum found out she didn’t even freak at me- she took me to the supermarket and brought me bandages and anti-septic and said I can’t stop you but I can at least prevent infection. She never once blew up in my face- except one time when it first happened and all I remember is I went to school crying. Anyway so 6 months later my dad gets told that the tumour is inactive.
Which is good but my self harm still is pretty bad due to going through a horrible time at school due to missing a lot because Family over Education – I have never once regretted this even if I’m ‘ 3 years’ behind my peers. I’m in a better place most the time ( don’t ever go off your meds for 3 months…) and have finally started planning my future- 15 year old me had planned to be dead by 20. During my exams my family and some friends went away but before that I had gone to a day festival with some friends and I’d become obsessed with a band called the color morale (who still to this day are amazing) and I’d been in a really bad place with fresh cuts. I was going to the color morale booth to buy a hoodie or something and the merch guy came over and it happened to be Garret Rapp the lead singer and he signed my notebook and gave me a hug, I remember calling my parents close to tears and them being really happy for me. I remember 2015 I got my exam results and I hadn’t done the best however I had done better than I’d expected- I got D’s in everything which is impressive considering I did no revision and my attendance was like 45%. I wasn’t told this till last year but my mum and dad were really worried they’d loose me due to how unhappy I was with everything.
Anyway flash forward to June/July 2016 guess what had come active again? You guessed it- back to chemo my dad goes. I don’t really remember this year at all. One thing I do remember is my dad became a ‘guinea pig’ for a new medical treatment called SIRT (I don’t know what it stands for). This is basically when they inject tiny radioactive beads into the location of the tumour and it’s meant to shrink it. Get me knowing fancy medical terminology.
All I remember is that he’d gotten the news after I’d had a great year and that I believed it was cause of that. I know that’s really shitty but I’m a firm believer in ‘ Everything happens for a reason’. It seems stupid but aye that’s what happened.
This whole thing triggered me to stop telling my parents I loved them until the beginning of this year.
More family history- My parents met in Zimbabwe. In 1990 I think? I’m not 100% sure on that.
2017- as a family we went to Zimbabwe with a charity where we built a school building, played football, swung sledge hammers and cuddled adorable babies. I think this is when it really hit me that when I feel at wrong bottom I let everything slip and just spiral out of control. But I was surrounded by people who had barely any money, hadn’t been paid in months, couldn’t afford basics, were sick and protecting their disabled children from men who’d take advantage of them. Yet they still laugh and sung with a massive smile while I was over here sat letting something bad ruin a month at a time. That autumn and winter I went on a massive spiral to the point my best friend and family weren’t sure I’d make it to 2018. Honestly Im not sure how I made it to 2018. My closest friend through out all of this and the girl who I can be 100% honest with- I remembered we’d been shopping or something and then we went and sat in McDonalds eating and we were chatting about mental health and all those fun things and I told her that I doubt I’d get married if my dad died.
2018 is a weird year cause while my dad’s cancer is still very much active (with secondaries which is shitty). I’ve found a love for life to an extent. While I can feel myself slipping a little I’m trying to keep going because I have so many plans. I turned 20 this year and while it’s not that exciting to most to think 5 years ago I was planning my suicide and wasn’t thinking about where I want to be in a years’ time but now I know where I want to be. In September I started my final year of College which seems amazing because of how far I’ve come looking back at the last 5 years and everything I’ve had thrown at me ( literally and figuratively). I also told my mum (while driving to see my grandparents) about my the fact that I wouldn’t get married if my died dad and I just couldn’t see anyone other than my dad with a purple beard walking me down the aisle. Im not one for traditional things- I hate turkey at Christmas for example- but my dad walking me down the aisle was always my dream and never changed. My mum told my grandparents and my grandad announced he’d walk me down the aisle.
It’s weird reading how far you have come in the last 5 years because you don’t really think about it but now seeing it in black and white im shocked.
#me#rambles#5years#gettingthere#personal#cancer#selfharm#depression#triggerwarning#suicide#sad#depressed
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ep33: I'm fucking sobbing at this wen blood pool scene. the one thing they nailed. also sisi is fucking dead because there were too many women still living in this show I GUESS
maybe this scene is the reason I see red-headband wedding fanart. I never understood that. don't disciples only ever get the one headband? why would they change to wear something else of a different color? but it's red here. I don't know, if it's meant to be wedding-adjacent by the animators maybe that red headband would have been accurate after all
jc giving jl zidian is a HUGE scene but he's supposed to return it!!! he's supposed to BREAK THE CYCLE symbolized by the use of zidian!!! JIN LING??!!!!
I wish I could enjoy the battle couple scene but I found it hard to follow the character's fights when we were so zoomed in because our views was blocked by stalagmites and shit and the camera was too shaky, and I found it unengaging when the camera was super far away. shame
fuck fuck fuck there's the wens there they are. nightmare fuel for SURE but one of the most powerful and intense scenes from the novel and one of the sole reasons I watched this show. and my god it is breathtaking
the utter horror of wwx seeing his loved ones as living corpses, the terrified bafflement that lsz must have felt when a dead woman looked and him and adressed him by name (how did she know?), the absolutely heartbreaking image of wen ning trying desperately to catch the ashes of his family as they broke into pieces around him...I was fully crying. and I didn't even know the wens. we never knew granny wen or uncle four by name, nor had any real interactions with them as people rather than wholesome backdrop. but this scene was phenomenal. my only complaint was that I don't like their character designs, but that's nothing new. I was a wreck. I don't cry very easily but here I was pausing to wipe my eyes. always a trancsendent media experience
not only was the pacing and execution of that scene brilliant, then we step right into jin ling and his grief over his parents. the whispers start about how much jin ling was spoiled by jgy, and how he's not trustworthy or reliable since...he's an orphan. I don't think this was in the book, but it fits nicely into its themes, with the quickly changing reputations and the power of public opinion and whatnot
wait im sorry why are wwx and lwj completely clean of blood was that a spiritual image of redness only? dang I wanted to see lwj all bloody. sick visual
oh so...I guess they aren't going to LP? I'm no longer keeping track, but this is scene 12 or something that cql is more book-accurate about
are you kidding me one of the women is DEAD? the novel killed off almost every single named female character and the donghua people said oh no, that's not enough dead women, we need this one who appears in ONE scene to be dead as well. are you SERIOUS
also! we didn't see fucking mianmian living her best married life! this donghua is goddamn useless! and it's not like there's time now!
yeah yeah having them get attacked on the way is a fine addition but you didn't need to KILL one of them
my donghua face blindness is once again ruining the experience because I did not recognize xue yang in jin robes
they didn't even name sisi oh my god this poor woman
damn bicao has no sense of drama or timing. you can't just say 'jgy killed his wife and son!' you have to lead up to it. give some context
I do not like the incest used for shock value in any adaptation, but at least they didn't use the r slur
that always sounded like such a weak justification for murdering his son, though. was 'their parents must be related" really a logical conclusion for the cultivation world to come to if jin rusong had any disabilities? or maybe that was point, and jgy was being paranoid as well as heartless. but it seemed like such a natural conclusion to come to for the leaders of the sects, in all adaptations. idk. is that what they automatically look to when children have disabilities?
bit of a shame that after wwx remarks that tides of public opinion turn easily, they cut his line of being sick of the cultivation world's two-sidedness, caprice, and shameless requests for his aid. the bitter cynicism seemed like a great aspect to his character arc and I was disappointed it wasn't in cql either. does donghua wwx even really have a character arc? this show might actually be worse than the novel, in a lot of ways.
damn what's with this sexy music as we pan over to the Guanyin temple. I love it
jc coming in from the ceiling was a baller move lmao pretty sick dude
the curse not being an order from jgy but rather su she's expression of hatred towards people he found arrogant...the fact that the jins die and the wens turn themselves in and wwx was thrown into despair and grief not because of a nefarious mastermind pulling the strings but because of one resentful man...su she's actions as an independent asshole with agency...there is poetry in that. I don't mind the cql changes but this story of coincidence and tragedy may be more interesting
jgy doing his little "you were bound for an early death because of who you are as a person and you all make your own problems and cause your own tragedies" hits a lot harder when jc actually LITERALLY led to seige that murdered the wens and that wwx died during (?)
oh sweet a thunderstorm. I don't think they're using the scenery to its fullest potential though
jgy's animation/voice acting/expression has been fine up until now, but here at the end I just think it falls flat. there is no beating zzj for this scene, not now when it counts the most
it's been pointed out before, but the sheer irony of jgy whining over how hard his life is because his dad's approval required him to do bad things and how his father's callousness ruined his mom's life, in front of a group of people who are ALL traumatized orphans
jc and wwx who endured jfm and myu's wretched marriage and mistreatment until their violent deaths, their bodies unable to be retrieved. wwx who had lost his parents at a very young age and was homeless for years because of it, lwj and lxc whose mother had been imprisoned until her death and whose father had locked himself away until his...and jin ling whose parents' deaths jgy is LITERALLY repsonsible for. the GALL. the self-centeredness!
jgy is such a great villain his emotional manipulation stemming from seeming as powerless and pitiable as possible in front of honorable men. jgy says "yes, I'm evil, and pathetic, and I've done terrible things, and I throw myself at your feet. this is just who I am. this is a an inherent part of me. I'm ready to repent for the rest of my life. don't you pity me? can you really kill me, in cold blood? such good men as you?"
jgy would make the crytyping apology omg
wwx and lwj totally would have killed him given the chance. just want to put that out there. I fully believe that
actually, why aren't the fighting jgy? is their spiritual power sealed too? when did that happen?
jc hugging jl...they've made jc less odious than in the novel by cutting some of his crueler scenes but he's still a huge piece of shit and he hasn't treated jin ling very well. poor kid
I'm not invested in this jc at all. I do not care about him. I don't even hate him for the horrible things he's done. he's a narrative tool. he fulfills his function. he is adequate, but not interesting
in these times of merciful and just heroes, it's nice to have a protagonist who will cut through the bullshit and say shut up, you're a horrible person and you're clearly lying to everyone here and you definitely plan on doing more horrible things as soon as we let you leave this place
they definitely rearranged some scenes because the gc reveal MUST happen. maybe in the final ep
now I don't know how they're going to fit wen blood pool attack, sisi and bicao testimony, exploring LP, gc reveal, boat ride, possible second drunk scene?, break-in, and entire temple showdown attack PLUS the post-climax fight and epilogue material in a little over ONE hour but this show has been remarkably good at cutting important scenes so I'm sure it'll do fine. rip to the pacing though
#can't believe I'm almost done...#this was a long one too#I know I keep writing the wrong episode title. it will happen again#number*#mdzs donghua lb
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landlord insurance quote uk
landlord insurance quote uk
Whats the best car insurance comparison site for older drivers?
Whats the best car insurance comparison site for older drivers?
""Insurance , real estate, law question?""
if a person drive a vehicle :D, the vehicle is under the other person name H, H buy the car insurance, the D doenst have the car insurance, and D get in the car accident with K, K is the one who is false, Who is the one false in this situation, it is D or K. Because K are false, will K insurance company pay all the fee in the accident and hospital? Will K insurance company pay for the damage K cause for D? Will K insurance company pay for D health injuries? Even if D doesnt have the insurance, D drive under the vehicle that belong to H, H has the vehicle AND INSURANCE UNDER HER NAME, AND D is H sister.""
""Please tell me the difference between insure , assure , and ensure . Thank you""
Please tell me the difference between insure , assure , and ensure . Thank you""
Can anyone tell me how do you get cheap auto insurance rate and from what company or any website or link?
How do you get cheap auto insurance rate and from what company?can you tell me?
Does auto insurance.... ?
if lets say i hit a car with my car and the other guy claims the accident does the my auto insurance investigate the accident at all or do they just fix the car without asking questions??? im comfused
I need cheap insurance?
I have a vauxhall corsa 1.2 SXi and I am 18. The cheapest is 1300 but I know people have got theres for 900
Car Insurance question!?
ill be 16 years old. I'm getting a 1986-1988 Pontiac Trans Am. Very good responsible driver. so, would car insurance be a lot of money??? What would be a good and cheap company to go with??? name brands please (state farm, All state, 21st Century, ext.)""
Do I need to buy car insurance before driving a used car that I purchase home?
I am thinking about buying a car. I won't know if I'm buying this used car until I go look at it. How do I drive it home, if I won't have car insurance at the moment that I buy it?""
Car insurance?
i am a student, 20 years old, that cannot afford car insurance. Is there a state (ca) program or something for people with really low income?""
""Automobile incident question. Who pays, the business or insurance?""
Im just curious, if a branch of a tree hit my car and cracked it moderately, and i was parked at the parking lot of a gym, does the damages get payed by my insurance or from the gym? If my gym tells me that the insurance pays for it, should i demand the gym to pay?...since my insurance cost might increase because of this incident.""
Does auto insurance cover a person or an automobile?What if someone drives your insured car and they have none
If you drive someone's car who has insurance on their car but you don't have any auto insurance and you get in a wreck does their insurance cover it or could you get a ticket ...show more
How much will my insurance pay if i have a deductable of 500.00????
last week i hit a deer with my car, not on purpose on accident the deer rain right out in front of my car and it messed up my car pretty badly, i cant open my right passenger front door, and i have an adjuster coming out to look at my ca will they cut me a check right today that is what someone had told me i was wondering if that is true or not.""
Car insurance rates for teens?
I just got my drivers license a little more than a month ago. My parents are telling me that they're going to wait for another year before they add me to their insurance policy because it'll be less expense by then. Is this true? I also read somewhere that the earlier you add a teen to your insurance policy, the rates will lower quicker because they insurance company know that i'll have some experience by then. So if my parents add me to their insurance policy now, would it be lower in a year compared to them waiting a year for them to add me?""
How much will my car insurance go up and who should pay?
My ex-husband just bought my 17 year old son a car. He will not pay for the insurance and my son does not have a job to pay for it or for gas money. How much will the insurance cost and who should pay for it? My ex or me?
ChEAPEST CAR INSURER FOR?
I want to get either a reno clio 2001 or an old mini. i know the mini is likely to be cheapest. I'm a 17year old male. Which company would give me the cheapest car insurance? DON'T TELL ME TO GO TO GOCOMPARE.COM TRIED THIS ALREADY, AND ON VARIOUS OTHER COMPARISON SITES. Thanks""
Does anyone know what 'excess reduction insurance' is?
Im thinking of renting a car. In the price quote it says basic car insurance is included but excess reduction isnt. does anyone know what this is? how is it different from the basic car insurance and do u know if the excess reduction insurance is also compulsory?
Progressive auto quote confirmation?
I had to ask a bunch of questions regarding insurance for a certain car for my driver education project and I got an email saying that I quoted with Progressive. What does this mean?
Car Insurance On An Accident?
Yesterday I got in a car accident and it was my fault. It was a very little crash and no damage was done to either vehicle, but I gave her my insurance information anyway. If no damage was done to her vehicle will my insurance provider find out? My insurance provider is State Farm.""
""Im looking for affordable whole life insurance for myself and my husband, we are on a fixed income.?
our ages are male 42 and female 41
Do I need my own car insurance?
I have paid my car off to my mom. She paid for it initially and is the listed owner of the vehicle. I'm 20 years old. Since she is the owner does that mean she will always have to be the primary driver listed on the insurance? If I move out after I graduate in a few months, do I need to get my own insurance plan on the car or stay on hers? I plan to keep her house as my permanent address for at least a few years until I really settle down. It would be cheaper to stay on the plan with her, but can I do that if I don't live in the same household?""
My car insurance went up 50 more dollars a month. They said it's an increase in Florida ?
Do any one know where I can get some good reasonable car insurance
Health Insurance - What's your stance?
Should everyone be required to have health insurance? If you want to keep it hypothetical, assume health care is inexpensive and available. If NO, who will pay for the care of the ...show more""
Why did Geico raise my insurance just because I changed my ADDRESS!?
What in the hell was this all about?! I simply moved 30 mins away from my previous residence and ALL I NEEDED to do was just change my mailing address.....so I went online, gave them my new info.....and they said my premium was increased by over $60.00! Why is this? Has this happened to anyone else?""
Got into a car wreck w/o insurance!?
The other day I accidently backed into this couple that have full coverage insurance. I believed everything was okay until an investigator called and left a message saying that my brother had cancelled my insurance. Therefore, I didn't have any insurance at the time of the accident. The person I hit did not get a ticket and I did not get a ticket. What is going to happen with this? Will I loose my lisence or will I have to pay for their car damages even though they have full coverage? If I call and get car insurance today, will it be effective for the accident?""
I am looking for insurance I am 18 I dont work I live with my god father but he doesn't have insurance either.?
And I was wondering if I could get free insurance in Mo
landlord insurance quote uk
landlord insurance quote uk
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