#im reminded of that post where its like time passing so soon my decisions will be made for me/more fuckery/etc

[yoshkeii]

"𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst (to fluff)

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested: yes, as a continuation of  "𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍.”

⌦ male!reader (he/him)

⌦ mentions ; cheating (atsumu’s), angst to fluff (sakusa)

⌦ they all have different scenarios, so its best to check out the first post for a little more context.

A/N: never expected to make a part two, but i guess the feedback said otherwise. its been awhile since ive written anything, so i may be rusty, disregard mistakes too please-

𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴 ; this is queued. i am still on my hiatus.

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ ever since the argument, you had left. taking majority of what was yours and what you could in the quickest of matters. you and Daishou barely talked or interact within those days. often dead silence within the shared home... or rather what was shared.

→ it was quite suffocating as well, leaving each other after a long relationship you both committed to. but you had a gut feeling it would end unfortunately.

→ Daishou had seen you leave for the last time past the front door. only exchanging a blunt “bye.” before disappearing behind the solid door. he really hoped this was all lies and games, but it wasn’t. he knew this was real, he knew this will be his reality. without you. the fading steps signaled that you were not gonna look back.

→ since then, he hasn’t heard of you since. he hasn’t seen your name around social media and only the bittersweet memories of when his friends would bring you up came into mind.

→ but it was like, you erased him from your world. and yet Daishou still held tight of the cut thread that lead to you. the other end laying flat onto the floor as the other end you had, disappeared as a whole. a huge gap between you both.

→ him being in denial, he kept mainly to himself. 

→ the old shared space felt empty. drastically different every time he would come home. he would hear your welcoming voice that made his whole body so warm and fuzzy, but now, the silence was painful and cold as he stepped inside his so called ‘home’. he didn’t know why...

→ but he really wanted you back. he wanted to see your face no matter when he came home. he missed your whole presence. he yearned for something that he could’ve kept if he would just shut up.

→ Daishou didn’t expect to see you here. at the same party he would be invited to, he watched you from the second floor that had the view of the merged rooms of the living room and kitchen. seeing you laugh and smile with two other friends who you stumbled upon, the sight made his heart sting.

→ a sharp stab straight through his chest, only thinking if he could be the reason for that smile. that laughter. oh he envied it.

→ he tried to avert his thoughts away before he heard some whistles and calling of names, to see your figure slip away with someone else from the crowd.

→ watching you both from his higher position, he noticed your hands intertwined with the other. his own hand slightly clenching the daring drink he held, the other grasping the rail tighter the longer he watched.

→ Daishou’s eyes soon looked up at your face. the expression you had made him feel conflicted.

→ the wide pure smile you had accompanied with the deep flush, made him feel that oh so familiar feeling. but knowing he wasn’t the cause of it pained him.

→ although, seeing you with someone deserving made him feel at ease. but the stabbing dagger in his heart laid there still, only reminding him that he could’ve been that better person.

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ after the confrontation, you and Atsumu had split ways of course. it was difficult to move on and realize the situation at hand, to the both of you.

→ seeing where your stuff would be gone in the shared space made it surprisingly empty and less... alive. the whole place felt dead and empty, like a home left abruptly without an obvious reason of why.

→ but Atsumu knew why, and it began to nag at him. it made him feel so guilty to do that to you. to him, you were so pure, kind, and oh so nice. he could go on about your looks too, he really could. but every thought of you made his mind so hazy and clouded with distraught. 

→ why did he cheat? you were loyal to him- if only he could be too.

→ its been a couple years since then, it was tough for Atsumu. he had cut ties for who he was cheating with, regretting what he did and in hopes to regain you back before- didn’t obviously work. so now he stayed alone in the home that practically mocked him of his decision. 

→ he was quite surprised Atsumu wasn’t blocked by you throughout social media etc. but he didn’t dare to strike a conversation and laid idle as he saw you occasionally appear on his feed. 

→ seeing you mention being in relationship but only giving vague hints and images, truly never revealing who to your followers. 

→ sighing as he slipped his phone into his pocket, he didn’t want to think about it all, so he decided to pay a visit to Osamu at his restaurant. to his twin’s dismay.

→ arriving there fairly quickly he waved at his brother who was behind the counter cleaning up for the night, seeing his twin wave back slightly before continuing on whatever he was doing.

→ Atsumu couldn’t help but noticed the metallic object that wrapped around Osamu’s ring finger. 

→ “..’Samu? What’s on yer’ hand?”

→ “Oh- ya noticed already. I got engaged not so long ago, or recently.”

→ curiosity jabbing at the blonde made him eagerly question again.

→ “I- What?? By who!? ‘Samu ya didn’t even tell me you were in a relationship!” Atsumu could only just whine, knowing his brother didn’t share with him about his personal life after highschool. 

→ “Shut up ‘Tsumu.. Don’t be so loud in my restaurant or I’ll kick yer ass out of here!”

→ “..but do you still wanna know?”

→ Osamu seeing his twin nod with anticipation made him sigh, knowing this wouldn’t end too well. “Well.. me and [Name] are getting married. Just got engaged with him two days ago.”

→ “..[Name]..?” Atsumu could only repeat the familiar name, his voice faint but still audible to his brother’s ears.

→ he couldn’t believe it. his brother... and.. 

→ “W-well-! That’s.. nice for both of ya, haha..” the blonde tried to played off, hoping that the wavering of his voice didn’t catch his attention but, Osamu already knew, simply playing along as the conversation continued and slowly shifted off to something else.

→ Atsumu had left the place rather quickly than he originally intended to stay- but he didn’t expect it. he didn’t expect you being engaged with his twin, eventually knowing you’ll see each other soon.

→ he didn’t know how to feel about this. he was happy for both of you- but- he wasn’t over you. although it has been more than two years, he wasn’t. he missed you, he yearned to see you again. he wanted to hear your laughter and giggles, your voice overall. he wanted to see you smile, he wanted to see your handsome face. 

→  he wanted... you back. but he knows he can’t have you. not anymore.

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ when you left passed the front door, you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. and it was.. raining. pretty badly.

→ having worry built up in his stomach that soon turned into a mixture of anxiety made him feel uneasy, overthinking the situation and words he said to you earlier made him choke on his actions. 

→ snapping out of the trance, he rushed to go grab a coat to slip on. retrieving his phone. hurrying out the front door hoping to find you haven’t gotten too far already, almost slipping down some steps of the apartment building on the way to find you.

→ the rushing anxiety continue to flow through him, making his movements more loose and clumsy as he ran off to find you. calling out your name aimlessly of the darkened rainy streets. not caring that his curls were getting soaked in the pounding rain, he just wanted to find you. 

→ to find you and keep you safe.

→ Sakusa’s heart kept increasing every moment he didn’t see you. he wanted to find you so bad- this anxiety he had was much worse than when around he was in crowds, this one felt more instinctual.

→ forgetting he had brought his phone, he slipped it out of his pocket quickly dialing and calling you. to find you answering on the second ring.

→ “..h-hello-?”

→ “[Name]..! T-thank god your safe.”

→ the slight mess-up Sakusa slurred with his words made you feel slightly worried, “..yes I am safe. what’s up with you??”

→ “Nothing..! But w-where are you?”

→ “I’m.. at a nearby cafe. Are you sure you-”

→ your boyfriend interrupted you quickly, “I’m on my way.”

→ “H-hey..! Don’t just-”, hearing the call end with singular beep, “aaaand.. he hung up..” you decided to look around from your position outside, grasping your phone nervously. realizing the rain was pounding down much harder than earlier.

→ the sound of the familiar voice calling your name from the distance caught your attention, gazing over to see Sakusa running over towards you. 

→ “S-saku-”

→ jumping lightly at the sudden hug he enveloped you, muttering soft rushed apologies over and over again as he hid his drenched face in the crook of your neck. he had continued his rambles of apologies as you hugged him back, rubbing his back lightly. watching the ravened hair male let it out a little longer before you could mutter reassuring words to him back.

→ the tension slowly rising from his muscles but the hold of his hug didn’t falter at all, only continuing to snake around your waist.

→ “..you scared me..” “...im really sorry, babe.”

→ you lifted your gaze to meet Sakusa’s, lifting your hands up to cup his face. brushing a few strands of hair away from his view sending a quick peck onto his lips. “you don’t need to apologize anymore Omi. you did enough already..”

→ “A-and you’re drenched! Baby, you’re gonna get sick-” you blinked, noticing how flat his hair was from the rain that couldn’t reach you both from the small roof over the entrance of the cafe. 

→ “..i-i’ll be fine..” the soft stutter Sakusa made noted he was embarrassed about the thought, “..i’m glad your the one not gonna be sick though.” he muttered before softly pecking your lips.

→ “Honey..” you sighed, taking your hands in his before heading inside the building. “..lets just get something to drink to warm us up, ‘kay? then we can head back.”

→ “I-m.. paying aren’t I-..”

→ “Yes. Yes you are. A treat after a bad tiring day!”

→ “..you just want sweets-”

→ “Shut it Kiyoomi.”

[extravalgant]

the seven main schools (+ astral & shadow) as flowers

NOTE: i did not dive too deep into researching for this and most of the information i got for this post i got from this site . please dont come after me if i get a meaning wrong IM TRYING MY BEST!!! moving on

this is going to be a LONG POST so sit tight

myth - clematis (also known as traveller’s joy, old man’s beard)

i chose clematis mainly for its meaning: representing artifice, ingenuity and mental beauty. i think part of being a conjurer means that the world is only as big as you make it, and part of it is utilizing your imagination to its fullest extent. mental beauty and ingenuity go hand in hand with being creative, but artifice, in this flower symbolism, means to be cunning or be deceitful. i also think this comes from cyrus drake also being your teacher, which means he would teach in a style that would want you to exploit the weaknesses of the creatures that you summon (that being, calling their true name) in order for them to do your bidding. 

“Myth dwells between Fire and Ice, for that is where the shadows lie, and Myths are the shadowy forms of thought made real.”

storm - gladiolus (also known as a sword lily)

urgh.... storm was such a hard school to choose a flower for @_@ according to the wizard101 site storm is also based on creativity, but since we already had that sort of meaning attached to myth, i decided to go with the next best thing which is that gladiolus represents strength, strong character, honor and moral integrity. i feel like it’s pretty well known fact that storm is a hitting school, and a pretty well known one at that - their reputation as a power school is pervasive through all wizarding circles. i feel like this is also where a diviner’s sense of pride comes from - being able to one-hit ko enemies and brandish your power proudly. 

amazingly enough, the wizard101 site also addresses this, saying that, “the Storm School will train its student wizards to do a lot of damage. Storm Wizards have the ability to unleash high amounts of damage from an early level, which is good, but they place too much emphasis on power, and therefore suffer in terms of accuracy.”

placing too much emphasis on power... very interesting indeed

death - papaver (poppy)

death was ALSO a super hard school to pick a flower for. i debated between the dracula, the poppy, and the spider lily before deciding to settle with the poppy. I chose poppies in particular because “Poppies have long been used as a symbol of sleep, peace, and death: Sleep because the opium extracted from them is a sedative, and death because of the common blood-red color of the red poppy in particular.” source 

I FEEL AS IF THE SPIDER LILY WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO EASY OF A CHOICE but i wanted to encompass all the meanings that death has and has been associated with. some people associate death with peace (at being in a “”better place””), and some people sometimes to describe it as “sleeping” to a younger audience with no death awareness. also heres a nice little excerpt from the w101 site: “Death is about ending and closure. All things pass eventually, and time cannot be held back forever. Wizards devoted to Death Magic, known as Necromancers, understand this fact about everything around them and strive to face it without fear.”

ice - magnolia 

as soon as i saw this flower and its description it was PERFECT for ice. magnolias represent longevity and perseverance, due to the fact that magnolias are believed to have existed even at the beginning of time. the ice schools main theme is about persistance - which is to say, that if you’re patient and determined, you will collect the fruits of your labor in the end. 

the school page even says this, noting that “The Ice School will train its student wizards to take high amounts of damage and survive.” To thaumaturges, it is simply about surviving to see the end of the battle, and that’s what their play style involves. both magnolias and thaumaturges have that in common : persist and survive.

fire - ixora (also known as jungle flame, flame of the woods)

it was also hard choosing a plant for fire, seeing as so many plants can be described as “passionate” in a symbolic sense. it was between this and orange tulips, but i felt that both the names “jungle flame” and “flame of the woods” both fit fire’s theme. that being said, ixora’s represent passion - the core of fire’s development and description. it is the “bright, burning flame of raw emotion sweeping over everything.” (w101)

fire wizards mainly utilize damage over time spells, which reminds me that a frog boiling in a pot will leap immediately out of the water if its too hot, but will stay until it dies if the water’s temperature reaches steadily. while fire’s general message are that it may consume everything it touches, and how pyromancers are quick to anger and tempestuous, fire plays the longer game by slow roasting their enemies until it is too late for them.

balance - cosmos

when i saw this flower and its meanings there was literally no chance any other flower could compare omg

balance is described as finding the equality of everything and harmony. they are described as broad-minded, taught to be considerate of all things, as well as their own place in the world they live in. cosmos, in this case, represent order, peace, modesty and harmony -- all things which are important to a balance wizard. balance thrives in the company of others, simply because it was made in mind to help others in the heat of battle. “The Balance School will train its student wizards to be effective in group play.” (w101)

however as a result, they may appear as stand-offish and impassive, unable to choose a side or make a choice. such is life when you’re raised to consider all factors of every choice you make - every decision feels heavy.

life - achillea (also known as yarrow)

named after the greek hero achilles, legends would say that his soldiers would treat their wounds with this. source 

i chose achillea for life simply for the fact that it represents healing and protection, as well as it being used it being a versatile plant used to treat a variety of maladies or sicknesses - it’s been used as a medicinal plant for a long time across the world. 

life embodies “the spirit, the force of awareness and existence. It is about constant growth and movement.” (w101). theurgists are described as having simple pleasures in life, in revelling in the idea of the living, breathing, planet around you. it utilizes the song of creation, using it to weave life where there was none previously. it definitely has powerful roots in the canon storyline - i just wish it was utilized more through its play style. 

(astral) star - aster (also known as starwort, frost flower)

ok i dont have a deep meaning for this im sorry . i mainly chose aster simply because “aster” is derived from the Greek word “astron”, which means “star”, and because of the shape of its flowers. pretty simple reason but ill try my best to do it justice

however, aster is represented by patience and elegance -- star magic may be a lesser form of sun magic, simply because it is meant to power yourself rather than your spells. i think theres something inherently elegant about an aura wrapping itself around your figure, bending to the whim of your spells, as it both enhances your health or your spells. 

(astral) sun - datura (also known as devil’s trumpet)

Datura symbolizes power and caution. It is a powerful and deadly plant, but also a major religious and cultural symbol.

i chose datura’s for sun because sun is all about power -- datura is highly poisonous and very dangerous to be around. the main deal of the sun school is that they use spells to make their own stronger - it has the “power to endure, power to persevere, and power to change”. we don’t get much of a canon explanation for how sun magic works outside of battles, but i imagine that you have to be careful with sun magic, because as we know - absolute power corrupts absolutely. aint that neat

(astral) moon - protea

protea’s represent ingenuity, diversity, transformation and courage. a big part of moon magic is that it is all about change. changing your spells, your body, your thoughts -- it is symbolized by the moon because it goes through many changes (the tides, the phases of the moon, etc).

i feel as if moon magic might be one of the harder magics to master out of all the astral schools - the transformation into something else may not come as easy as star auras, or that it simply may be too hard on the caster in question, having to change their physical appearances and battle tactics to fit into a new one.

shadow - rhododendron

rhododendron’s represent temptation, caution and danger. 

despite how pretty it looks, the stems, leaves, and flowers can be poisonous to humans and pets if ingested. i feel as if that describes shadow perfectly -- the pleasant sight of these pretty flowers is enough to entice a person (wizard) forward, but you must be careful with how you handle this plant, or else you will end up facing dire consequences. (backlash)

shadow magic as a whole can be very tempting to those who seek it -- offering power that scales above others. but it is an advanced magic, and those who seek to play with it often end up paying the price with their lives (in this case, morganthe was crushed underneath the weight of power that shadow gave her). shadow can give you an upper hand, however, if used right -- and the wizard, for the most part, is using it right. 

shadow is mainly a cautionary tale of not playing with higher, advanced, magics with the wrong intentions.

[miraculouscontent]

(Shanghai-related asks)

.

Anonymous said:

Did you see how, supposedly, the reason Marinette goes to Shanghai is bc Adrien is there. Because you know, that's a totally normal thing to do.

You know, there’s this suspension of disbelief where characters are allowed to do certain things that you’re like, “okay that’s not realistic but it’s fun so I don’t mind.”

Yeah, this is not fun.

Anonymous said:

Based on the new trailer for the Shanghai special, one of my biggest fears is that we won't see Marinette interacting with Sabine's family outside of Uncle Wang, even Sabine is nowhere to be seen in the trailer, please ZAG at least give us one of Sabine's parents, we're starving

I’m still rolling my eyes that there’s not one piece of dialog with Sabine talking about stuff related to her family, though her cheongsam is also flipped so--

Anonymous said:

Synopsis for the Shanghai Special: To join Adrien in Shanghai, Marinette is going to visit her uncle Wang who is celebrating his anniversary. But, as soon as she arrives in China, her purse gets stolen with Tikki inside, whom she needs to secretly transform into Ladybug! Without money and alone in the immense city, Marinette accepts the help of a young and resourceful girl, Fei. The two girls will ally and discover the existence of a new magical jewel, the Prodigious. Hawk Moth, also also present in Shanghai, seeks to finding it since a long time... Yea, cause Marinette still hasn’t suffered enough :p

mAriNEtTe mAkeS a mIsTakE iN eVeRY sToRY

Anonymous said:

As someone of Chinese descent, I felt extremely bothered by how miniscule the boy's , the one on the right (?) taking a picture with Adrien, eyes were when I saw the Shanghai trailer. It feels extremely... stereotypical? Not sure if that's the right word. I mean, he could just be squinting, but it still bothers me. Especially if that's their normal eye shape.

I heard similar complaints when Kagami arrived. They really stress the eye shape when it comes to someone full-on Asian (and if you’re half-Asian then you get wholly round eyes which makes no sense). It also gets weird because I feel like we have characters in the show who could pass for Asian (Mireille at least has the proper eye shape without it being over-exaggerated; I don’t remember if her skin tone is correct or not), but when characters are actually Asian, it’s usually taken to the exaggeration.

My sympathy goes out to everyone of Chinese descent who’s going to have to deal with the special. I’m literally a mish-mash of whiteness (American, French, and German) but even I know it must suck.

Anonymous said:

im tempted to watch the Shanghi special with my family, we're part chinese and have been to shanghi a few times. Then we can laugh and yell at it together, no need for show context

omg

As long as you have fun! Give it a good roast for me!

Anonymous said:

Excuse my french (pun intended) but

WHAT EVER LOVING HELL HAPPEN TO THE SPECIAL!!

Marketing.

Also the writers wanting to make sure you don’t forget that Adrien is a guy who exists.

Anonymous said:

Hi, Clarity! If you don't mind me asking, do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Shanghai special based on the information and trailers we have?

When I found out that Marinette was spending time with her great-uncle Wang, I was so excited. I was hoping that this special will be a breath of fresh air and spontaneously focus just on Marinette and her family for once. Maybe we'd explore Marinette's Chinese heritiage and learn more about her mother, Sabine and extended maternal family.

Then I saw Gabriel in which I eye-rolled 180* like any degree of character development. Like... great... more needless Miraculous lore/exposition. (Can we even call it exposition? I doubt any of the Miraculous-related events will be referenced within the show.) Whilst Miraculous lore is great and does expand our knowledge on the Miraculous, it steals any individual focus that Marinette could potentially have. It also tends to "hands everything" to Hawk Moth, who gets almost everything done his way without him even trying. Hmm, I guess as Shadow Moth, he won't have to use Mayura as his catslyst anymore. He'll have to ruffle his own feathers. (I don't know why I'm making a bird joke about Gabriel here. I hate him snd I couldn't care less about him.)

Also by reading the special's synopsis, it mentions that Adrien and Gabriel go to China for an unknown reason (maybe business related.) So Marinette decides to go to spend time with him (also spend time with Wang concurrently.) This might be a minor issue but I don't want Adrien to always be the centre focus of Marinette's motivations/desires. (He isn't always but I feel he is more than he should be.) Let our beautiful amazing girl just have an amazing time with her family in China. The writers need to stop Adrien being an integral part of Marinette's character. This special should be about Marinette (along with her family) and them solely.

Moreover, I'm worried that Marinette will imminently be embarassed/scolded/humiliated in some way. The synopsis mentions that she loses her bag (that contains Tikki.) Inevitably, she's going to be scolded for this for not being careful. The writers will blame her for the destruction that Hawk Moth will cause and not the actual man terrorising Shanghai himself. And no needless lovesquare drama please. If I'm not interested in it in Paris, don't think I'll be interested in it in Shanghai. And please do not let it be used to cause Mari/LB to suffer. Romance (no matter how contrived it is in this show) should be about finding joy and happiness. It should never intentionally be a burden for anybody, especially if it's for comedic purposes. Why am I worried that CN will yell at LB this time?

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I hope that the writers actually have them communicate properly about this time. Like they should both be honest (an important aspect of healthy relationships), to build clarity and to avoid confusion. Like the needless drama in NY could have been avoided if Adrien didn't ignore Ladybug and actually TRUSTED her by telling her the truth about him going somewhere instead of complacently lying to her, then losing her trust. Both could have told each other that they are going to NY "for personal reasons" without giving too much detail. To prevent suspicion, the writers could have included the American superheroes hosting an event inviting them or asking for their help to defeat that Micromonster guy. LB and CN could have both then collectively made a decision that if anything were to go wrong in Paris, they could quickly use the Horse Miraculous to transport to France in time (like Marinette was advised to do in "Startrain") or use the Rabbit Miraculous to travel back in time/manipulate events. There was no need to make Marinette suffer for the sake of needless lovesquare drama.

However, I love the animation for the special. It is mesmerising and beauitful and the graphics look superb. The atmosphere looks so clean and the nature-aspects (Hawk Moth's hideout) are intricately detailed. The lighting also complements the charactrrs and the settings' colours. A huge round of applause to SAMG for their excellant hardwork for animating this special despite the pandemic!

If you have any worries about the special, free free to do so! I want to conclude my message by thanking you so much for being such a lovely, kind, confident and resilient person. You always confidently express your opinions and strcture your essays clearly and legibly. I always look forward to reading your posts. I know I can always count on you to express our frustrations with the show's writing on our behalf and speak up for Marinette's mistreatment and inustice! 😊

Firstly, thank you! I gotta defend Marinette because we know the show won’t!

Anyway, I agree with basically everything you said. My biggest comments on it are like--

- I’m already tired of places just being used as set pieces for specials. I actually have a history of disliking specials/movies for shows because its purposes is usually just to get people hyped up, but that means big plots with big stakes and I end up thinking, “okay, but why can’t we have that in the show?” That’s always the issue I take with it; movies/specials prove that they can come up with high stakes plots, but we can’t have equivalents in the show because...?

- I officially tune out now anytime Marinette’s crush on Adrien is mentioned. It gets tiring and it just makes me feel bad for her and simultaneously angry at the writers for treating her this way. Add that onto the “Marinette always makes mistakes” rule and it’s clear that they’re creatively bankrupt and needlessly restrict themselves for the sake of making Marinette suffer. I’m just insulted that Gabriel is going to Shanghai for his fashion business but Marinette being into fashion is ignored.

- The animation is nice but whenever I see it, I’m reminded that we couldn’t have much SAMG in Season 4+5 because they were busy working on the special. The show should always take priority over some lame special/movies. I won’t judge the special for it but I’m salty about it regardless.

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

I’m sorry but “got bored and decided to attempt to face reality” is such a big fucking mood bro wtf

Got bored and decided to attempt to face reality but now panic is setting in and I’m pre-regretting messages I haven’t even sent yet.

[bangtansflower]

Smitten Chapter 5

A/N: Jiyoung is Y/N mum - she was mentioned by Chungha in the very first chapter~ This is my longest chapter yet and I honestly am surprised haha But I wanted to flesh the chapters out more! I do hope it doesn't drag on though! Give me your thoughts! Also for the purpose of the fic even though real names are different in the fic im gonna mix it up because it is fake after all! There is also a little time overlay when scenes shift so I hope I made it clear enough!~ I also may go through it again and tweak it slightly before i upload the next chapter. In the next chapter I'll be able to fill in some of what's missing~ Also comments please do give as they give me motivation and I like to know if people enjoy what I'm posting 🙏❤️

Warnings: Swearing, a lot of fighting, a massacre scene (its brief but a warning will appear so you can skip if want - 238 words), jealous Jungkook, angst, a lot of anger (everyone seems to be very angry these days).

Word Count: 4,562

Masterlist / Previous / Next (Coming soon)

Taglist: @captainsjoongs​ @xanny91​

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Chungha: Y/N! We always spend it together on Saturdays though! 

You chuckled, you could practically her voice imagining the pout on her face, which made you giggle to yourself more catching the attention of your mum. “What are you giggling about?” She looked at you with a playful smile on her face. Shaking your head grinning you start typing away on your mobile “Oh nothing, just Chungha being Chungha wanting to spend today together as always” making your mum laugh. “Well you two are attached to the hip, as we always said sisters by bond not blood”, she pushed a plate towards. Mouth nearly watering you put your phone down opting to finish replying later, the cheese and bacon toastie too good to pass up. You take a bite chewing your food slowly in deep thought, your mum clears her throat catching your attention. Looking up you catch her questioning gaze, letting out a small sigh you pout slightly putting your food down on the table “Why didn’t she tell me? And worst of all how did I not notice that she was a werewolf I should have noticed straight away considering every year we would visit the guys!” Your voice gains more confidence as you speak. “And to top it off we live in a community where practically half of the people are werewolves!”  You only stop when your mum holds a hand up making you shut up. You decide to take another bite of your toastie whilst observing your mum as she looks back at you. “She will have her reasons Y/N, you don't love her any less do you?” At this you immediately shake your head - you did love her, she was your sister till the end, sensing your thoughts a soft smile graced your mother's face. “She will tell you when she is ready, and considering the community it is a surprise because me, who has grown up with werewolves, should have definitely noticed all the signs. But it is no surprise, Seoul is a great place for a werewolf community, it is out of the way and a beautiful place”. You scoffed when your mother said beautiful place “It can be beautiful at times you mean” you pointed out to your mother, a flash of Jungkooks smile and brown eyes went through your thoughts making your heart flutter. A loving smile appeared on your face, he made it beautiful, you think to yourself before you go wide eyed shaking your head pushing those thoughts out of your head. Looking up you see your mother leaning on the counter, her own toastie in her hands smirking at you, narrowing your eyes at her you make a zipping notion on your lips and go back to eating making your mother laugh out loud. A buzz of your mobile made you jump slightly reminding you that you had to reply to Chunga.

Chunga: Please come over! It is Saturday and Saturday is sister day! Besides I got invited to Jimin and Taehyung's place for a small gathering! This is a brilliant way for you to meet some new people, and I am sure that a certain person whose name begins with J and ends in K will be there~

Your heart fluttered more knowing that if you were to go today you would be able to speak more to Jungkook, the only times you could talk to him was in school, neither one of you had yet asked for the others number, both too shy to do so. Biting your lip you feel conflicted, glancing up you see your mum with an excited smile on her face, making your decision you let out a defeated smile. 

Y/N: Sorry Chungha, you know I wouldn't miss this in the world, but I am going to see the guys with my mum and she is extremely excited! If I am free later I will for sure meet up with you though!

Almost immediately you got a reply making your mother laugh as she left the room to get her coat.

Chungha: I’m going to kill Jiyoung for ripping sisters day apart! Tell her I love her though. And if you do decide to come later I’ll come pick you up! And most of all when am I going to meet these guys you always go to see?! I only have said hi to them at school and then they run away.

“Mum! Chungha said she is going to kill you but she still loves you!” You shout laughing making your way to the hallway grabbing your shoes, sitting on the little bench putting them on. Jiyoung just shrugged a smirk on her face putting her coat on “She can try and kill me but she wont have any of the steak I cook ever again”. This only made you laugh more reaching for your own coat before opening the door. “I’m excited to see all my boys again, but I wonder why they decided to move to our town?”. Your mother asked, making you shrug, “If we stay here we won’t get answers, they refused to tell me without you there”. Getting into the car you couldn't help but feel a slight sickness in your stomach, something was coming.

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Growling slightly at her phone Chungha went to throw it on the couch but a hand stopped her. Glancing to her side he was Namjoon looking at her, his eyes serious. Gulping she calmed down taking a deep breath and decided to sit on the couch instead. 

“She left me on read...again” furrowing her eyebrows she felt upset. Normally if Jiyoung wanted to spend time with them she would tag along, not exclude one or the other. She knew she couldn’t be mad as she was hiding the fact she was a werewolf from you, but these boys were normal, why did they have to be a secret. “Is she going to see those guys again” a growl came from the door making her and Namjoon look up in shock. Slowly Chungha nodded not breaking eye contact from Jungkook, who looked a combination of angry and tired. “She’s not going alone” at this she saw the boys eyes narrow slightly, Namjoon's hand patted her shoulder encouraging her to continue. Gulping she licked her lips, quickly looking at Namjoon then back at Jungkook who had taken a few steps towards her, he was waiting. “She has gone with her mother, her mother was excited to see those guys too” she whispered looking down at her hands which rested on her knees. Jungkooks growl grew louder, snapping her head up her eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook’s golden eyes. “Her mum?” He whispered back “She is going to those strangers house with her mum? I should have claimed her before all of this.” His voice getting louder and louder with each word he spoke “If only i wasn’t such a wimp about it all then perhaps she wouldn’t be going over to those guys house doing whatever it is they are doing!” The Anger Jungkook held inside was nearly erupting, and even though it wasn’t intentionally aimed at Chungha she couldn’t help but cower grabbing Namjoons arm trying to make a barrier between herself and the angry werewolf. “Jungkook” a deep authoritative voice called out making the angry boy take a step back, his anger shutting down almost immediately, Jungkook’s eyes slowly fading back to brown looked into Namjoons eyes, whose in turn has turned golden. “It is not Chungha’s fault Jungkook. You know this better than anybody” he stated resting his hand on the top of Chungha’s head trying to calm the shaking girl down, which worked slightly. Trembling himself Jungkook dropped on his knees in front of her and let out a whimper bending his head slightly letting her know he was sorry. Tears falling down her face Chungha let go of Namjoons arm and reached out to hug Jungkook, he happily returned it knowing he was forgiven by his pack mate. Namjoon watched the two and his heart went out to the both of them, many thought that a mate was the only type of bond out there, but there was a second, the one that Chungha and Y/N have. It is a secondary bond that happens when two friends are as close as real siblings. He shook his head as he thought of Jimin and Taehyung, the only ones in the main brach pack to have this bond, the trouble those two can get into.

Whipping his head up he furrowed his eyebrows, thoughts attuning to the argument that was occuring closer and closer. All three of them looked towards the door paying attention to two voices clearly arguing with each other, eyes trained on the door an angry Yoongi barged in with a displeased Hoseok behind him. “What is the matter with you two?” Namjoon questioned walking towards the two trying to calm them both. Hoseok gave the alpha an exasperated look pointing at Yoongi “Tell him just because they moved around a lot doesn’t imply that they are hunters! Just because they have wandered to some werewolf communities doesn’t mean that they are there to slaughter our own!” at this Yoongi scoffed and gave daggers to Hoseok, “You clearly aren’t thinking right then! They obviously are not werewolves because we would have noticed straight away, and it’s weird that they have travelled from place to place not staying long!” He rebutted eyes flashing gold. Hoseok’s patience was wearing thin, flashing golden eyes back he would have thrown a punch at his fellow pack mate if it wasn’t for the alpha standing in the middle of them both. “Both of you sit. Now” Namjoon ordered glaring at them both, he really was going to need a miracle to settle everything. Sensing the two pack brothers settling down on opposite ends of the room, still shouting at each other he rubbed his head sensing a headache oncoming. Chungha and Jungkook sat next to each other on the couch, eyes flickering between the two men. Jungkook wanted to speak up knowing full well it was about Y/N but he kept his mouth shut, daring a glance at the angry alpha he saw he was trying to keep it together. He truly felt bad for him and regretted his previous actions even more. “Yoongi, I am assuming you have found something in order for this argument to happen?” Namjoon looked tiredly at Yoongi, which made the latter flinch in guilt. Quietly he replied “Yes I did, I don’t know where they originally came from, they just seemed to have appeared out of nowhere but I do know they have been to a few major werewolf communities, Daegu and Ulan just to name two.” A small growl came from Hoseok’s side of the room making Namjoon narrow his eyes at the elder, all he got was a shrug in return. Damn he really is angry Jungkook spoke to Chungha in their minds and she slightly nodded, showing she agreed eyes not leaving the scene in front of her. Sighing at Hoseok, Namjoon decided to continue “And because of this you assume that they are hunters?” Nodding Yoongi ruffled his hair “It is the only explanation that I can think off”. “It’s a shit explanation. They could be friends travelling! You don’t even know them!” Hoseok blew up growling at his close friend. “Well do you have any idea then? Because I sure as fucking hell don’t! I just find something is off about them and it is fucking pissing me off”. The two angry werewolves made eye contact teeth bared ready to shift. 

“Both of you shut the fuck up, your giving Namjoon a headache and causing more problems that needs be” both werewolves didn’t notice the eldest enter the room and cowered slightly at the anger he radiated. Glancing at each other they both nodded and silently went back to their previous spots making Namjoon sigh in relief. The alpha bowed his head slightly in thanks to the newcomer. “Now you guys have settled I want to inform you all of something we have been missing from the start”. Jungkook perked his head up at this intrigued in the new news that the eldest of the pack was going to give, Seokjin could have been pack leader, but he felt that it was best left to Namjoon, prefering to be in the shadows, the backbone of the main pack. “What did you find Jin? Will it answer all the questions we have?” Namjoon prayed that it did, he didn’t know how much longer he could take of it all. Sighing, Seokjin gave Namjoon a shake of the head “Unfortunately not. I wish it did but it doesn’t. At least it’s a start though.” Clearing his throat he made his way to a spare chair and situated himself so he was facing the pack members present. “The younger ones won’t remember this” he made a gesture towards Chungha and Jungkook, who was trying not to speak up and tell him to hurry up. “And you guys were slightly younger so you won’t remember a lot.” He tilted his head squinting “Even I don’t, I had to go ask my parents if they knew anything. They told me that when Y/N’s mother Jiyoung was pregnant, she left town to go somewhere else to have her child, and a month or two later came back with a baby Y/N. What if those people are from her mother's home town? Or city? It would make sense why they know each other.” The news made everyone go deep in thought, especially Jungkook. It did make sense, why they were so close to each other. But why was she extremely close to Mingyu, did she like him? No she wouldn’t, he was pretty sure that she was feeling the mate pull too. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Namjoon’s voice ���Come on guys, let's do more digging, now that we have someplace to start.” Balling his hands to fists, Jungkook believed that they would find out sooner or later.

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Jimin and Taehyung were getting bored. All they have done all day is watch the full house, watching them in the garden and trying to listen to what is going on, though it was hard with the amount of noise that was going on. Groaning Jimin sat down on a log, throwing his head back he wanted to scream. “How much longer till they go? I am bored out of mind here, I don’t mind doing this because it is Jungkook’s mate and these guys are a mystery but they could have at least come to relieve us” he moaned which made Taehyung chuckle. “Just think though we can use this to our advantage, we can make Jin make us lots of food in repayment” a smirk grew on the smaller boys face, “hmmm steak, kimchi, bibimbap and more” his stomach grumbled in agreement. The two boys carried on talking to each other half paying attention to what was going on in the house, not noticing three others watching them in return and not noticing that Jiyoung left the house without Y/N.

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A warm breeze rushed through the forest and garden, a slight chill within the warmth, hinting at a cold winter to come. Seungcheol sipped his ice coffee, not really paying attention to the younger members of the pack messing around by the pool, his eyes slowly wandering over to where the two other werewolves were hidden. “They have been watching us since Y/N and Jiyoung have arrived don’t you think that it is odd?” Jisoo, or Joshua he prefered to be called, pointed out. “It is weird, but they haven’t made any move yet. It must be because we are strangers in their area” Jeonghan shrugged watching the younger ones of the pack move to pour a bucket of water over a sleeping Wonwoo. “I’m going to have to talk with their pack leader” sighed Seungcheol, “I don’t want them constantly watching us or else a fight will occur”. “Hoshi has already threatened and so has Woozi, and you know we can’t stop them” he groaned. Why did it have to be difficult, all they wanted was to be with Y/N. And Jiyoung. “Don’t worry i’ll come with you, you need me there anyway as you suck explaining why they cannot tell we are werewolves” Jeonghan pointed out the obvious, laughing as an angry Wonwoo chased Chan around the pool, the others hiding leaving him as sacrifice. Joshua laughed along with him whilst Seungcheol just shook his head. A rumble of a car meant that Seokmin and Mingyu were nearly back from dropping Jiyoung off. Minhao waltz in the garden, sunglasses on his face and watched the chaos that was unfolding, how did I end up with these idiots, he laughed to himself. “Wonwoo I think you're missing someone” Jun pointed out Seungkwan's hiding spot “Hey no fair!” the younger boy shouted pointing at Jun, gulping when he saw Wonwoo with Chan in a headlock. “Yah, Wonwoo, you know it's some fun right?” He chuckled lightly getting ready to run. Wonwoo nodded at this, threw Chan into the pool and ran after Seungkwan which made him scream and run. Minghao face palmed. 

“Is Y/N still napping?” Woozi asked taking one of the spare seats ignoring what was happening in the garden. “Yeah she is, she seems so tired recently, I don’t think she is getting enough sleep” Jeonghan furrowed his eyebrows, a look of concern over her face. “I’m sure she will be fine, it is Y/N after all” a new voice perked up. “Are they still watching us though? As I will go over there. I didn’t learn taekwondo for nothing you know? My human form is just as strong as my wolf form” Hoshi pointed out. “They are still there but they don’t really seem to be paying attention anymore” Joshua answered “And I don’t think Seunghcheol wants any confrontation” he added as an after thought knowing full well Hoshi would go over which meant that Woozi would too. Shrugging Hoshi decided to leave it “Okay then, whilst you all watch them i’m gonna go swimming. Hoshi dived into the pool and when he resurfaced he saw Seungkwan and Vernon in a headlock by Wonwoo. He was one werewolf he was glad to have on his side. He laughed as the latter threw the two boys into the pool before taking his previous napping spot.

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Jungkook barged out of the room, causing the others to follow. This was the worst dream you had, he could feel your fear, the dread, the overwhelming sadness. The human part of him knew what he was doing was wrong, he could hear his pack mates trying to stop him, but the wolf in him had taken over, his mate was in pain and he needed to see her. Even if he couldn’t stop it.

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Sitting up you sob, shaking you try to stand but fall. Seokmin, who had come to wake you up to let you know dinner was ready could tell something was wrong. Making eye contact with him you let burst into more tears and whimper “Seokminnie”, he was by your side in an instant. Rubbing your back he started to rock you placing kisses on your head trying to calm you down. “It’s okay, I am here, I am here and never going to leave you.” The two of you stayed like that for a while, thanking the others didn’t come into the room, even though they could tell something was wrong. “You going to tell me what is wrong?” he said quietly disturbing the silence. You sniffle and close your eyes. Taking a deep breath you start to speak, trying to hold it together. “I’ve been having dreams Seokminnie, dreams which i haven’t told anyone about before” humming to show he was listening and understanding you carry on. “There was so much blood, tons of it, usually it is just about a lone wolf, but this time all of you guys were in it. They tortured you Seok” you burst into tears again “not only you but Chan, Seungkwan, Mingyu, all of you and that brown wolf”. Closing your eyes you could see the massacre. “There were many other wolves too”

Start of the mini massacre scene - Skip the italics if you dont want to read!

You were on your knees, you couldn’t scream. In front of you the dead wolf of Seungcheol lay, his usually pristine light brown and white fur matted with blood, Chan screaming in pain as the hunters laughed stabbing him slowly with a knife, causing extreme pain and a slow death. Seokmin lay against a broken tree barely breathing, blood gushing out of his wounds, a small pale brown wolf which almost looked white in certain light lay dead, a tree trunk stabbing her ripping a giant hole in the middle of her body. It felt a lot like Chunha. Blood covered most of the surrounding area, bodies of werewolves in both forms lay around, dead or near death. A whimper came from behind you and you made eye contact with those familiar eyes of gold, gasping you crawl as best as you can to the dying wolf. Most of his bones were broken, a large wound in his side poured a continuous stream of blood, no matter how hard you tried it didn’t stop. Sobbing you cradle the dying wolf in your arms “I love you, I love you so much” you confess as a hunter came up behind you “It’s too late little one” he chuckled grabbing your hair yanking your head back as a knife neared your bare throat making the broken wolf in your arms whimper, eyes widening as he witnessed your throat being slit.

End of mini massacre scene

Seokmin wondered if these dreams were linked to the mating bond. You had no idea of the customs of the werewolf community as they tried to keep you out of it as much as they could so you wouldn’t know about the dreams. But he couldn’t help but get angry at the wolf that refused to claim you and would rather let your mind be ripped apart. If he ever met this werewolf he was gonna rip him to shreds. He carried on rocking you till you were okay enough to stand and go down for dinner, but before he did he made sure that your face was all scrubbed so you looked nice and fresh to face the others. You smile at him hip bumping him, “Thanks Seok '' you reach out and squeeze his hand which he gladly returned. “Hey that’s what i'm here for” he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the words before dragging you downstairs. 

“Y/N!” Jeonghan called as soon as he saw you come outside, he was worried for you but knew you would tell him later on, or Seokmin. Grinning you run to him and you were immediately engulfed in a warm hug. Because your face was squished in his chest you missed the serious look Seokmin gave the latter. Kissing your forehead he gave you a loving smile “You okay?” he looked at you worriedly and you pat his cheeks, “yes of course I am! Seokmin was there to cheer me up as always” causing Jeonghan to roll his eyes and a smirk to appear on Seokmins. “Come on you slow pokes we all are getting hungry here!” a grumpy Mingyu called out, causing all of you to laugh “Okay okay mr grumpy, we shan’t keep you away from your food any longer!” You ruffle his hair which made him grunt and took a seat next to him. “Where is Chan and Seungkwan?” Joshua questioned looking around for the two of the youngest, it was unusual as those two never missed dinner. Sensing something was wrong the guys all stood up and looked towards the forest, causing you to grab the nearest guys hand, which was Mingyus, for comfort. You were not used to these situations arising. Two large familiar werewolves ran into the garden with two unrecognisable wolves chasing them. The two new wolves were fairly large, rivelling the wolf forms of Seungkwan and Chan. Chan was a pure dark grey wolf, which he found boring but you found it made him look majestic. Seungkwan's wolf form you always called Boots, he was a dusty blonde wolf with dark brown around his paws which reminded you of boots. He was slightly smaller than Chan, which annoyed him to no end, but it made you giggle. The other two wolves growled teeth bared, the dark chocolate wolf bigger than the silver grey wolf which had a white tip tail. They sure did not look happy. “Jimin! Taehyung! Back off now” a voice called out causing the two new wolves to falter in their positions and whimper. Hang on, I know those names, you perked up face draining of colour when you saw Namjoon, wait Chungha? Chungha is with them? Well fuck. You thought. This was going to be a mess. Making eye contact with Chungha she gave you a smile and you immediately relaxed, somehow knowing things would be alright.

Oh how you were wrong. What you didn’t notice was that Jungkook was growling at Jeonghan both eyes turning golden as they neared each other not noticing what was going on in their surroundings. Their only focus was on each other. Jungkook had seen the loving smile the blonde haired boy had given you, he had also seen the hug and the forehead kiss. Jealousy was an understatement. And now he knew that he was a werewolf, even if he didn’t smell like one, he was gonna rip him to shreds. Without shifting Jungkook threw a punch to Jeonghan's face causing the blonde haired boy to have a nose bleed. Tutting he wiped his nose “Now that’s not nice, we’ve only just met” he said before throwing a punch back. He may not be as strong as Jungkook but he sure did have speed. “Jungkook what the fuck are you doing?!” A scream shout pulled the two boys apart from their fight, you ran towards the two boys tears streaming down your face, you somehow dodged the hands of the other boys who tried to stop you from getting in the middle of the fight. Seeing Jungkook with a bust lip made you cry even more, your heart went out for him, making eye contact with him he could see the disappointment in your eyes, but also underlying concern. “Y/N…” He went to take a step forward towards you but you broke eye contact with him and ran to Jeonghan instead, cupping his face examining his bleeding nose. Jungkooks heart shattered, did you really choose that werewolf over him? You sobbed more whilst Jeonghan tried comforting you, the others not daring to get any closer, waiting for the right moment, or an order from their respected alphas. After making sure that Jeonghan was okay you turned around and stared at Jungkook, he was taken aback by the anger in your eyes. “Jungkook. Why the fuck did you think it was okay to go and hit my brother?”

[oswaldsirius]

Helloo!!! Im still a newbie to the cybird game world and was confused on how birthday events work?? Is there any way to do them without spending like $20+?? Cause from what i see, it doesnt seem possible- and if you can, how?? Its all so overwhelming!!

Hello! So two things right off the bat: this is going to be long because I’ve spent a lot of time playing this game to the cheapest I can. That being said I have spent a lot on this game during events. There hasn’t been an event yet that I haven’t spent money but it varies from event to event how much I drop.

I made a post once before about this, but I feel like I can flesh it out some more so on to some tips and tricks with Tasha!

So there are two types of events in IkeRev, story and collection. You didn’t ask about collection, but I might do another post about it because with Kyle’s route coming soon, it’ll be the next one we have and it’s completely different rules and strategy for that one. But for now! Story Events!

But for Story Events there’s a few key things to think about: Friends & Cards, Duels, Lucky Time & Bonuses, Love Points, and Items.

1. Friends & Cards

These two go hand in hand. Once you join an event, you want to get 20 friends as quickly as you can so you can start tapping in to the extra points they’ll bring when you duel. The later you join, the harder it is to fill this list. When you’re picking friends, to either send requests to or who to accept from, players with 5 star cards in their first slot are going to bring in the most points for you (30 while 4 star is 25 and 3 star is 20). If you have a 5 star card, put it in your main slot even if it isn’t your best boy. You can swap back at the end but people do play favourites when choosing friends and if you have a 5 star in the second slot but not the first people might pass you over. And try to keep the 5 star card in the main slot through the whole event. If you want to swap to hear lines in battle or with other characters for a new card from the event, that’s fine. Do it for a set of duels, but swap back. It’s not really fair to your friends to change like that mid event so try to be polite if you can! Don’t sweat it if you don’t have 5 star cards though. There’s plenty of people who will still accept your request because the extra points add up in the end no matter what!

2. Duels

Now, the game will give you a notification when your meter is full, but when I first started playing the game, I set alarms for every five hours. At the time, my phone was normally on silent so I wouldn’t hear the game notification; I heard the alarm loud and clear. It was easier and lord did it train me to pay attention for every five hours. Also at the end of your day, do as many duels as you can before bed. Your meter doesn’t have to be full to do them and these extra points will add up in the end! Now, as a new player, you’re going to want to really pay attention to the people you’re dueling. Some people are traps. They might have 4 star cards in their hand but they might just have terrible gacha luck. Always do single duels. It’ll sting less if you get a draw and you’ll get the most out of your friend points. They don’t stack if you do multiple duels. You get one bonus from a friend no matter how many duels you do. So just try to do them one at a time unless you know you can beat whoever you’re going up against.

I don’t have actual confirmation on this, but from what I’ve seen in Story Events is that the people you’re paired up against are those that have similar Love Points to you, not Beauty Points. So if you get a rash of good luck and amass a lot of points, you might find yourself up against people who are older players and have far more points than you. So always do single duels and try to remember names of people you know you can beat and those you know you cannot. The more you play, the easier it’ll be to recognise people. I’ve been playing since launch and there’s some people I avoid like the plague because I know I can’t beat them. Just keep cycling through duel partners until you get one you can beat! Or take a hit and get the draw points and wait the hour to see if it’ll give you new partners next time.

3. Lucky Time & Bonuses

Before you join an event, Cybird is kind enough that you can check to see when Lucky Times are and what bonuses they’re offering this time. I always check these, Lucky Time first since you’ll get double points for both the points you get for the duel and secret duel (friend points don’t double). A common trend is that the first Lucky Time will be 24 hours after the event begins. There have been some that it’s been later and that sucks when it comes to the bonuses. For myself, I made my own agenda/day planner and specifically put in a calendar page to track events in IkeRev, but what I suggest is putting reminders in your phone for when Lucky Time is. In the hours leading up to Lucky Time (and this really depends on your time zone), I usually will do just enough duels so that when Lucky Time starts I will have a full meter. It nets me a few extra points and I know I’ll still have a full set for when it starts. And a wonderful friend just mentioned to me that if you have a secret duel ready before Lucky Time, sit on it until Lucky Time starts. It’ll net you 200 points instead of the usual 100 so it’s another boost!

As for bonuses, being able to see them before you start an event is a fucking godsend because you can decide right there and then what you want to go for. Early Clear Bonuses are where you’re going to be dropping money if you want them. You need to decide up front if you do or don’t because you have to commit if you do. Usually the first one, for birthday events, needs to be attained within the first 25 hours for when you enter an event and the second at 72 hours. This is why you check bonuses before diving straight in. If you don’t like either of them or don’t think you can commit to it, start the event right away and just start earning you some points! If you do want the first one, don’t start the event immediately. Wait a half an hour or an hour and then start because that will give you a little more time in Lucky Time to make sure you have enough time to do Duels and still read the required story parts to get the bonus. If you want the second bonus but not the first, you have to make the decision if you want to wait for the first Lucky Time or just start right away. The Lucky Times are usually spaced out far enough that you’ll only hit one of them when trying to get the Early Clears. But that’s your call on if you want to wait and try or just go right into it!

For ranking bonuses, well, this one is harder since you never know how hard or easy people are going to play the event. Sometimes people lose steam and the border between the tiers is a lot lower than you would expect. Sometimes it’s stupidly high, especially if it’s a top 200 instead of the 300 we see on a lot of events. Take a look at these and plan as best as you can. Check the border for bonuses button on the ranking screen if you’re curious and set reasonable goals for yourself when it comes to them. As much as everyone wants to be top tier, it’s not always easy to get there without spending money.

Bonuses are always the deciding factor on if people want to spend money on an event or not. It’s best to look at them and decide what you want right at the start. Deciding half way through you want to try can end in heartbreak because you might not get it and then you’ve spent money for something you can’t have. 

4. Love Points

Ah, the bane of my damn existence right here. So this is what Story Events run on. The more you have the easier it is to get through the event. But how many do you need to get through the different parts? They sometimes follow a standard but I’ve seen a pretty steep rise in points going from event to event all this year of playing. If you’re curious about how many points you need to clear endings, the best way to find out is to ask people. A few blogs on here are power houses when it comes to events and will finish within the first few days so if you ask nicely they’ll most likely share with you how many you need to get through the ends. Some only keep track of final points, others how many you need to get the Early Clear bonuses. 9 times out of 10, you can ask me. At the start of events, I usually have a rough idea of how many you’ll need and I don’t mind sharing as I play through. I won’t have exacts until I play routes but I can give estimates and update them as I go through.

Generally, we see the first ending clearing between 7500-8000 if you’re doing the Premium ending (which you should be if you want that first Early Clear bonus). The rest get tricky, depending on how many routes there are and this can be frustrating because you never know if it’s going to be a simple double or jump to 20,000. It gets messy when there’s more than four routes and full clearing on those can see point values getting close to 60,000.

But do your duels as much as you can and just keep amassing them!

5. Items

Alright, so I’m guessing this ask is mostly from the fact that I posted I made second rank on the Sirius Birthday Event. In full honesty? I started saving Tea and Cake sets in January for this single event. Before they dropped Clash in Cradle on us, I had 62 tea sets saved for Sirius. I used some in that event, bought more, and just died inside at how much I was spending. But I digress.

I played events like normal and on Lucky Time I buy the smaller item set. 800 crystals for 6 sets. It’s not that hard on the wallet and I would usually only buy one each event and then I sat on them. If I could afford more, cool, I would throw a little more money to buy another set and just use a couple on the current event to boost my numbers. Because Tea and Cake sets are the single most important item for Story Events. Use them only during Lucky Times so you can get the most out of them. I burn through my friends list every Lucky Time because I use my tea sets then and I max out my points as much as I can during it. I also sat on every single one the game gave me for login bonus. They only give one every two weeks but they do add up after a while. I also didn’t use my crystals for anything I didn’t need to and sat on them to use for buying Lucky Time sets. You get 100 every two weeks and if I didn’t need closet space, I just kept them. Since they’re free, you need 300 to pull on the gacha and I decided the Story Event sets were what I wanted more. But that’s your call!

Another thing I invest in is the Secret Tea Party. You get 900 crystals across two weeks time and another Tea and Cake set! It’s not that expensive in the grand scope of things and mine lines up with my pay day so once every two weeks I buy it and get more crystals and more goodies! It’s a good way to spend just a little and get things for the long run!

If you start the event on the first day, you’ll get both a Love Potion (500 points) and a Tea and Cake set. If you start after the first day, you only get the Love Potion, which still helps but those tea sets are what you want.

Love Potions are the other item you can buy if you want to boost your points. Single ones are 150 crystals for 500 and they are guaranteed points vs the 150 crystals for a tea set that can net you more points provided you win all your duels. A set of 27 is….3500 I think? I can’t remember but I’ll correct if someone can remind me! That will net you a lot of points but it’s a lot of money to drop so it’s not the best thing to get if you’re trying not to spend money.

If you want to save money, buy the smaller sets and try to save as many as you can that the game gives you.

-

I know this is…a lot. But it’s what I follow and I manage to get through the events well enough. I’ve missed a lot of Early Clear bonuses because of it but I just accept that not all of them are for me and keep going. I knew at the start of the year that May was going to be a mess because we have not only Sirius’s birthday event but also the anniversary event is right around the corner and it’s a two parter with bonuses linked between the two of them. So I still have almost 30 tea sets saved for that nonsense. But following this, there’s only been one event in the year of playing that I haven’t been in the top tier and I chose not to go hard on that event. I was still in the second tier and I didn’t use a single item in the whole event.

It is possible to rank and do well, you just have to be patient and play smart. I went into Sirius’s event wanting to be in the top ten and then I decided to be stupid and go for second spot for my second in charge guy. Don’t be like me. It’s a dumb way to play.

Another thing you can do, is check IkeRev’s Japanese twitter. If you go back far enough, it will show old events and sometimes you can see some of the bonuses so you can decide in advance which events you want to try a little harder on. Then you can start saving early for when it finally rolls around to us!

If you’ve made it this far, I love you and hope I’ve helped a little. If you have more questions, feel free to ask. I’m more than willing to help and share because I know the events can be odd. If you want to know about collection events, let me know! Because I have some good ways to earn hearts without spending a damn penny. But I’m going to stop typing this essay now and just pray I helped a little bit!

[emikvs]

﹤𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙺𝙾𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚂𝚄, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello EMIKO " EMI " SATO. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY ONE, how you're a CLASSICS major,  and in fact.. how you LIE AND TELL EVERYONE YOU STUDIED ABROAD FOR A YEAR WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN REHAB. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! SDBJWBDJW what’s up......its xan aha ... this is gonna be the biggest mess ever ...just winging it as i go. and u know what ? thats on on brand babey ! lets get it ...TW: drug use/mention, accidents/hospitalization ( just in case)

backstory

virginia born and raised babey ! she’s the youngest of five siblings and ...it shows. SJDBJWBDJW growing up would have been pretty chaotic had it not been for the fact that her dad was a pretty well-respected police officer in their town ! him & her mom were high school sweethearts which made no damn sense to emiko considering they’re still happily married...the concept just seems fake to her </3

while her parents had a lot of  mushy love for each other, when it came to their kids they opted to take a more emotionally distanced kind of parenting style bc they didnt wanna like spoil their kids or anything but.....it wasnt exactly the best plan ! emi and all her siblings just learned to be very good liars JDSBWBDJW as kids with strict parents do

being the youngest emi took a while to get into her rebellious phase. for a while she’d just watch her older siblings sneak out and party and do walks of shame and all that jazz...and while she was always down to help them get out of trouble none of them ever really trusted her ? since she was the baby they figured she’d be the most likely to snitch which just made her really ///: bc she wanted to be included so bad

flash forward to senior year of high school and finally emi’s like . okay fuck this it’s MY turn ! her dad had recently decided to get into politics with some encouragement from the police chief so he was busy with his career and her mom was busy helping him. it was the perfect time to do what she wanted since it was less likely she’d get caught

so she goes to this graduation party.....and it’s BAD like she gets fucked up & carried away so she calls her oldest sister ( who had come back into town for emi’s graduation ) to come pick her up & on the way to get emi from this house party, her sister ends up getting into an accident 

she didn’t die though JSBJDSBBWJDBWJDBJWDW just broke some stuff and ended up needing surgery ): and emi obviously got busted that night by her parents which ... wasnt pretty at all especially bc they low key blamed her for her sister’s accident which just made emi feel like pure shit babey ! 

visiting her sister in the hospital is what kinda sparked her fear of hospitals ! bc emi was like super guilty and paranoid that maybe her sister was gonna die or her surgery would go wrong and she’d essentially be at fault...it was just a lot of anxiety that turned into a genuine phobia of hospitals after that

but her sister made it she was okay and her dad used all the buzz and tragedy around his family to kinda boost his political career....which was ugly. her sister had been prescribed some pretty heavy pain killers for the pain & thats where things got.....messy

emi isnt sure when exactly it started but between the guilt she was harboring over her sister’s accident, the stress from her parents as her dad got further and further into virginia politics as well as college anxiety since she was about to start at the universoty of virginia.....she stole some oxy and thats what started what would be a very messy and tumultuous addiction  

as soon as she started college, emi felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. she was living away from her family for the first time and dorming so she promised herself she’d take these four years to grow and figure out who she is......except that didnt exactly happen. instead of exploring herself in a healthy way, emi was using drugs as a sort of escapism from her “old” self. she’s extremely smart and she loves her major, but her professors would often comment her papers had the energy of a “rambling and troubled mind”. by the time she was about to finish her sophomore year she was getting so high people would find her literally passed out in the dining hall. but no one was that worried bc for a good two years, she was a pretty high functioning addict. 

cue the summer after sophomore year when emi overdoses at a party. she woke up in a private hospital room with only her father sitting on the couch, the look on his face something she’ll never forget. while him and her mother knew exactly what happened to emi, they hadn’t told any of her siblings. or anyone at all, for that matter. instead her dad had informed the university emi would be taking a year off to privately study abroad and told emi that’s what she was going to tell people bc he’d just decided to run for mayor ! he essentially guilt-tripped her into thinking telling people the truth would be a selfish act, and one that would basically ruin the family reputation and make everyone really miserable JSDWDBWBDJW he also tells her she’s gonna be shipped off to rehab ! 

so she goes to rehab for a good seven months. everyone at school thinks she’s studying abroad in italy, and emi is literally just counting the days til she can go back home to her dorm bc she’s lonely !!! in rehab !!! and she gets that she should take it seriously but shes just so mad at her dad and herself and the world too ig ... just some good old fashioned angst ! but she finishes rehab and her dad got elected as mayor of her hometown in virginia and shes like good for u can i go back to school please JSBDWJDBJW and he says yes

so she’s back ! ready for the universe to give her a break.....ahaha.....

personality + tidbits

so emi......my baby......she’s a strange one. she’s that bitch that’s super nerdy but in the weirdest way like the stuff she’s into is so specific and just....generally stuff literally no one else would care about but to emi it’s like holy shit this is the coolest thing in the world JSBDJWBDJWBJD she knows a little about a lot so she has the tendency to come across as pretentious if you don’t know her outside of class when in reality she’s just read one too many random facts. also weird in the sense that she’s a STRONG believer in the paranormal and in aliens and in witchcraft and stuff like that as well as believing in things that seem “logical”. it can be confusing to people who view that stuff as silly that someone so smart would be into it. 

speaking of smart.....she’s a polygot which basically means she can speak a bunch of languages ! she’s self-taught, and since she’s a classics major some of her favorites to study include greek and latin ( dead language who ? ). she’s pretty chill about it though and if you wanted to learn she’d be the type that’s 100% down to teach you. she always learns the curse words first just you know....for the fun of it ! she probably has very specific “pet names” for everyone in the friend group in random languages 

anyway she’s also stupid. ASDJWBDWBJDBWJDWJD i mean like in the way that she makes the most .... impulsive decisions that usually have negative consequences. she’s the type to convince herself she knows exactly what she’s then come up with the worst plan you have ever heard in your life. an example of a dumb decision emi has made ? your girl ate a pot brownie the day after she got back in her dorm after rehab bc she convinced herself it was a good way to de-stress. some other dumb decisions include various drunk tattoos ( which thankfully haven’t been too bad save for the words eat me tattooed in small font on her ass ). also owns a stick & poke gun so she’s for sure tried to tattoo friends while intoxicated despite.....not being a tattoo artist ... she’s not even an art student .... SJBDJWBDJW....but she’s very very good at convincing people to join in on her dumb antics so be weary

big on photography !!! she loves taking pictures. always that one friend who reminds you to document the moment and you get annoyed but then when you want to post a picture on insta you’re thankful she was there <3 she has the energy of like .... the dad friend when you need support JSDBWBDJWBDJW she tries to be caring but it just turns into like ... emi high off her ass putting her hand on your shoulder and being like “you know fuck it man you’re amazing” not that good at the emotional stuff like she really wants to be but she legit doesn’t know how.......kinda accidentally turned into an emo kid bc she channels her feelings though some kick ass playlists and the notes app in her iphone instead of talking to people JSBDJWBJDBWJDBJ 

she’s high key struggling but she’s the type to be like no its fine this is fine life is a ride babey better hold on ! tries to keep things flirty and fresh 99% of the time but then you’ll witness the rare emi breakdown which.....involves a whole lot of tweets that will all be deleted within 24 hours and emi will in fact deny they ever existed

really a laid-back girl but the chaotic energy is there folks......she can also very easily get into her youngest child complex if she’s upset which just involves emi being a pain in the ass and everyone having to deal with it JSBDWBDJWBDJWBDJW  she likes to make it hard to say no to her.....not exactly manipulative but sometimes she can get close /: not listed in her fears but she is in fact scared of genuine love and affection ! it’s like she craves it so much she’s terrified abt what will happen if she ever gets it.......so she makes sure she’s never in danger of that by never getting into anything serious.....but then at night shes like damn . kinda want a freak to hold my hand rn and tell me they love me ... JSDBWBDJWBDJWBJDWJDW it’s all fun and games.............

ok thats it im done rambling.................this is so long..............and for what !!!!! i made her more of a clown than i intended but thats okay (: JSDBJWBDWJDBWJ emi might hate clowns but im embracing them ! 

[matrixaffiliate]

Like the Storybooks

Co-written with @hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon​

FFN and AO3

(sorry everyone, my internet died as I was trying to post this)

Chapter 20

Sirius, as matter of habit, rose with the sun. He was already, to some extent, aware that Marlene did not. She would have to be woken by a lady’s maid in order to be on time for breakfast. But on that first day of their secret marriage, Sirius stayed in bed with the sleeping princess and just took in the sight of her. She’d cast off her shift entirely nearly as soon as her inner chamber door was shut behind them and hadn’t found instance in the interim to reclothe herself.

Though he’d certainly seen representation of the nude female form in paintings and sculptures, but this was a new experience. He had not expected that his life would include an extremely undressed heartbreakingly beautiful woman lying sleeping next to him. The the new day’s light peeked through the bed curtain, reflecting off her hair like a halo. He silently thanked the lord that his new wife slept deeply and well into the morning. The look on his face was probably worthy of all the ribbing he would take from the king and then some. But he couldn’t help it. He’d always contended that a princess like this should not, by all logic, have been a real person. He had only become more sure of this as he fell in love with the woman. He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her sleeping head.

She stirred. Little sounds escaped from her perfect mouth but none of them came together into anything that Sirius understood as language.

“Good Morrow, My Princess.”

Though he’d intended to remind her that they were meant to tell the king and queen about their marriage and beg their blessings, he forgot all about it as Marlene’s mouth found his.

The couple were not in attendance at breakfast that morning.

After a truly mortifying experience involving the Lady’s maid, Emmeline, Sirius was quite glad to be clothed and above suspicion that afternoon.

Eventually the opportunity presented itself for himself and Marlene to speak privately with the King and Queen.

After they’d made a show of propriety for lookers on, and were well out of earshot, Marlene took no prisoners in the endeavor.

“We’ve entered into a precontracted marriage. I assumed you’d be pleased with the match. It was rather late into the evening when the discussion came to pass, you see. Waiting until morning to beg your permission seemed both unnecessary and vexsom.” She was fearless in such a way that set Sirius’s pulse racing. The walls he’d carefully constructed around parts of his mind had come crashing down all at once and only hours ago. He was still adjusting to the fact he didn’t just love her; he was allowed to desire her. The whole thing was very distracting, to say the least.

James’s face was truly a sight as he took in the statement his cousin had matter of factly dolled out. He cycled through confusion to shock, onto mild disgust and finally to amusement. Sirius could have predicted the exact responses, but they were quite a lot of fun to watch, regardless.

“You broke through my knight’s chastity belt? I thought he had it soldered on.”

“Marriage tends to be the key to such things.” Marlene smirked at the King and then winked at the Queen who chuckled.

Sirius still had not said said anything up to that point. He’d expected that the king would make some sort of crack about the concept of chastity. He’d been a little too loud in his defense of the virtue being ideal in a knight for this to have gone any other way. It did not stop his face from heating up with embarrassment. Why did this have to be discussed? Couldn’t they just… talk of war or something? Surely they had enough battles to plan that this was all very silly?

He chided himself that he’d rather plan the demise of his own family, where good men would surely die, than tolerate a little embarrassment. Marlene, surely did not seem embarrassed in the least. She seemed quite pleased with herself.

Sirius no longer wanted to think about war, all he could think of was how very difficult this secret would be to keep. It was a battle unto itself to refrain from touching her.

“Am I to understand your mild insults as your blessings upon our union?” Sirius smirked, tearing his eyes away from his wife to meet his dearest friend and sovereign eye to eye.

“Yes many blessings and all that. But it’s not going to be popular with… nearly anyone… so I hope you have some sort of plan.” James turned to Marlene with a pained expression.

“I always have a plan, cousin.” Marlene rolled her eyes with a huff and Sirius restrained from kissing her as her eyes flashed dangerously. “You knew my mother. I’m ashamed you had any doubt.”

“I had no plan. Largely, I just do what her Grace tells me.” Sirius admitted, chuckling as Marlene regained her temper.

“Well that sounds like the start of a long and happy marriage to me. What’s the plan, your Grace?” Queen Lily’s warm smile reassured Sirius that he hadn’t stepped on any royal toes in making this rather hasty decision.

“It’s best if we keep our union a secret from the court until my husband returns to me a Duke.” Marlene moved to take Sirius’ arm and smiled at her own jest. She was making it very hard not to kiss her, and by the look on her face she knew it.

“Your instincts are good, cousin. I hope that you’ll advise me someday when the Chief Minister has decided she’s had quite enough. Though I am concerned that there will be rather glaring evidence of your marriage before we are able to take Semprapuria, at least with the current plan in place.” James looked pointedly at Marlene.

Sirius didn’t quite understand. Everyone was already meant to think that they were in love. What evidence could be so glaring that the whole court would become suspicious that the affair was more than courtly in nature? Before he put it together in his head, Marlene's voice chimed in.

“Worry about the fruitfulness of your own marriage cousin. Leave me to mine. I have contingencies worked out, in any case.”

James rolled his eyes, “Of course you do.”

Sirius could have kicked himself. He’d been rather preoccupied and had somehow failed to consider the fact that Marlene could be with child.

“Your Majesties,” Sirius heard the stilted formal tone to his own voice and nearly cringed. “Do we have your leave to go to Father Hagrid? I’d prefer we get this in the church records so there will be no questions as to the honor of the Princess.”

“My husband and I are of one mind. Is Father Hagrid a trustworthy holy man?”

“He’s been my confessor since I was 15. I trust him with my life” James answered without hesitation.

“Very well then. There’s no time like now.” Marlene looked up and nodded.

Sirius was very happy, in this instance, to follow the Princess’s lead.

Sirius pulled his boots off as he sat down on Marlene's - their - bed, and sighed contentedly.

“I’m so glad that everyone protested my idea to marry you off just after you arrived.”

Sometimes words just happened to Sirius. This was clearly one of those times. Though his statement was entirely true the look on Marlene’s beautiful face as she reacted was proof that they’d been completely inadvisable.

“You… what? You wanted to marry me off? This was never brought to my attention! Explain yourself, Sir!” Her attempt to look very angry was admirable. But there was still a hint of laughter in her eyes as she chided him, and standing there in her underskirt completely undermined her faux chagrin.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Sirius smiled and stood to walk up to her. “It wasn’t some wicked plot and it was to my own brother!”

“Well believe it or not that does not make it sound any better from my perspective.” Marlene's face became wide with shock. “In fact it makes it a sight more nauseating.”

“Oh come on, Marly…” He wrapped an arm around her waist and slid the other hand along her cheek. “All I knew about you was that you were the strangest lady I’d ever met and you considered me the most handsome gentleman at court.” He smirked down at her. “It seemed like a kindness to marry you to a man who bares a strong resemblance. I wasn’t aware that you’d only have the genuine article.”

“You are quite lucky Sir,” Marlene snaked her arms around his neck and Sirius knew he was in the clear, “that you are so very handsome. I don’t generally think I’d be over fond of the touch of a man who wanted to have me as his sister in law.” She rolled her vivid blue eyes. Her bitten lips curled themselves just so, into a most captivating smile. Sirius pulled her closer. The look in her eyes was fast becoming addictive. He lifted her shift from the bottom to tease soft caresses up the outside of her thigh.

“Well it does appear that I am lucky then. Because you seem more than a little fond of my touch.”

She only nodded and took in a sharp breath. Her eyes were so full of want as he brought his lips to hers. When she practically melted into his kiss, he knew that he was more than lucky.

They couldn’t have been asleep for long when a messenger burst into the Princess’s chambers. This was highly irregular. Therefore Sirius had to assume someone was there to harm Marlene and prepare to defend her with his own life… while completely naked. He’d always thought he’d die with a sword in his hand, but he’d not pictured it quite like this. Life had taken a turn for the strange when Princess Marlene came to live at court.

“I am not here to do anyone harm! I’m just a messenger!” The man cowered as Sirius pinned him against the wall, sword at his throat. “Lady McGonagall sent me to collect Sir Sirius! She says it’s… about your family? That’s all I know. I promise. Please lower your sword and… put on some clothing?” He said the last of his plea in a hushed voice.

“If you even think about saying anything about this you will regret it for the rest of your life, do you understand?” Marlene interjected in a disconcertingly threatening voice for a woman who had been screaming bloody murder not a moment ago. Though she was still standing naked as the day of her birth, she held herself with such authority that she might have been wearing her cousin's own crown.

There was no time to think. Sirius’s head was spinning as he quickly dressed and, since there was no going back from this in any case kissed his wife goodbye as he followed the messenger. He was sure whatever news awaited him was grim.

[cipherr]

what kind of dark place is Eralei in and how does our resident cinnamon roll Sith rediscover happiness? if you're comfortable w/ spoiling that much before the Great Eralei Fic, i mean. (i know there's been at least one other anon, probably more b/c your OCs are beyond gorgeous 😍 i totally get you tho, im super shy when it comes to sharing stuff about my characters too)

you are making my life complete, anon. ily

OOH BOY. i think the best way to answer that first part is to go more in depth  on her life and her character. i don’t want to spoil too much, especially about the whole Wrath thing, though if anyone is super curious about that and wants to know please feel free to message me and i will spoil it for you :’D 

this is gonna get long, but it’s important stuff, since i haven’t openly posted this much in-depth about Eralei before c: i uhhhh apologize in advance LOL

and to anyone who cares to read all of it (but please don’t feel obligated bc it is…a lot…) you are a saint, and i love you. amen.

so Eralei comes from a noble Imperial family, long-standing and proud and very steeped in their traditions. she was always particularly gentle, though; inherently kindhearted and soft, she had plans to eventually use her standing to work towards stability and peace rather than squabbling for more power. that all got turned on its head when her Force sensitivity was discovered, a bit later than most maybe, when she was about sixteen. suddenly she wasn’t to become the future Lady of her house anymore… she was to become Sith, to become powerful and strong and be a great source of pride for her family just like all the others in her bloodline before her who happened to have such a ‘gift.’ to that end, she was given her family’s traditional markings on her face, a permanent reminder of who and what she is and always will be. go and become Sith and bring pride to her family…or don’t come back at all.she was given a private trainer for a year or so, teaching her the basics of combat techniques to give her a fighting chance, and then she was whisked away to Korriban, and she follows the Warrior storyline from there.

in her early days, both in the academy and as an apprentice, she was fueled by fear. she was terrified of the other Sith, but of course she couldn’t let it show. she masked it, used its strength to survive. she desperately played the part of the dutiful apprentice, the proper young Sith, because that was all she knew to do. she avoided being needlessly cruel whenever possible, and on the occasions where she’d be expected to enforce her power and authority on ‘lesser’ beings, usually because she was being watched, she did so with great remorse. she didn’t trust anyone around her, least of all Darth Baras. she knew from the start that he was only going to use her and then dispose of her, she just had to do her best to survive and bide her time until then.

but what hurt her the most was how she’d be treated by non-Sith. some would cower and grovel like they were expected to do, yes, and that just broke her heart. but worse than that were the ones who treated her like just another monster, who assumed she’d be like all the rest, who wouldn’t even give her the chance to prove herself. she even ran into Jedi who would immediately taunt or provoke her, assuming she would be hostile, sometimes even trying to goad her into swinging first so that they’d have an excuse to fight.she was quickly realizing that no matter where she went or what she did, she would be met with fear or hatred. 

the absolute last thing she wanted was to be just another Sith monster, but as time went on and she got herself deeper and deeper, into her apprenticeship and into Sith politics and lifestyle, it became harder and harder for her to hold onto her ideals. she couldn’t always talk her way out of violence, or spare someone without getting caught. her survival instinct took over, and in order to not appear weak to the other Sith, she had to act like one more often. and…it became easier. she found herself raising a hand to choke the life out of someone, out of frustration or impatience, without giving it a second thought. she was in a hurry, damn it, and they were making things difficult. if they wouldn’t give her their cooperation, she would just force it out of them, and then leave them on the floor gasping for breath. but at least they were alive, right?

but this terrified her. it came so easily. she was so wrapped up in doing whatever she felt was necessary for her survival, so wrapped up in playing her role, that it started to become second nature. worst of all, for the first time since leaving her home, she started to feel strong. she started to feel that she might have a chance of survival after all. but at what cost?

she has her moments of ‘weakness,’ where she snaps and, fueled by her fear or her anger or whatever else, becomes at least briefly consumed. those moments soon pass and she’s left wondering what’s she’s truly becoming..and eventually wonders if it’s even worth fighting against.

i mean, if she’s going to play pretend and act like a Sith, why not just make it real? why try to deny it all? she’s becoming strong, she’s becoming respected…feared, too, but that’s just the way things are. maybe this really is who and what she was meant to be all along, and trying to fight back against it is just prolonging her misery. why not just give in?

except…that’s not her. it’s not who she is. deep inside, she knows this, and it never really goes away. she finds no more satisfaction in just giving in to it all…in fact, she just feels hollow. and she’s aware enough to realize she can’t sustain that, either.

eventually, she comes into her own and finds more of a balance. she’s not so soft anymore, but she retains her good heart. she finds meaning in being Sith in her own way. you don’t need to be cruel and power-hungry to be Sith, you don’t need to trample everyone else underfoot for personal gain. she allows her feelings and emotions and passions to fuel and strengthen her, rather than hold herself back out of fear. for a time, she’s actually doing pretty well.

then, of course, the entire galaxy gets thrown into absolute chaos :’))

all of this stuff from her past starts to resurface again, later on during the expansions. (spoilers ahead for everything up to where we are now, obviously, but i feel like most people know what’s going on by now)this time she’s making difficult decisions that affect way more than just herself… she has a lot of people watching her and depending on her now. her personal vendetta against Vitiate/Valkorion (for Personal Spoiler Reasons) begins to cloud her mind and consume her as well. she can barely stand to live with herself, knowing he’s rattling around in her head. and her sheer rage against him and his actions, and what she sees his son becoming, almost completely overtakes her. the Eralei of twelve years ago might have seen that there could be a way to give Arcann a chance, but so much has changed since then, and she’s stressed out and struggling and exhausted. in her eyes, Arcann is just on his way to becoming another Valkorion, and she does everything in her power to prevent that from happening…losing a lot in the process. Senya’s death, by her own hand, hits her very very hard. Senya was more of a mother figure to her than her own mother, but she didn’t stand down, and Eralei felt–in that moment–that she had no choice. it’s one of the biggest events that leads to her breaking, and one of her deepest regrets.

and then the whole traitor thing puts her even more on edge, she’s dealing with more Personal Spoilery Things relating to her past that are coming back to haunt her and actually threatening her life, and Theron comes in with that ‘betrayal’ and the whole “you’re becoming what we’ve fought against” thing (which WE know is bullshit, and HAVE known is bullshit, but…she doesn’t know that. all she hears is one of her closest allies affirming her worst–and oldest–fears. that she’s just another monster, and she’s been blind to it this whole time, until it’s too late.)

as for how she pulls back out of it all and becomes herself again… you will just have to wait and see 8) (honestly, i’m still working a lot of the details out myself.)

but yes! that’s Eralei. she’s complicated and confusing and a bit contradictory sometimes, but i’ve never had this much fun with a character or a story before, so i’m just having the time of my life :’D

i hope i’m not sounding redundant but thank you again, having someone else take an interest in my characters and their stories means more to me than i could possibly put into words.

[heartforheart532]

THOS2: A weekend to never forget

So I promised I would give a coverage of my weekend at THOS2 as soon as I would get my HD pictures in. I just got them today so I’ve decided to share my story with you guys finally! It’ll be quite a long post so if you’re interested in hearing about me meeting the best cast there is on this planet feel free to continue reading! :)

So this was my first convention ever so I was very curious to see how things would turn out. I was also very, very nervous to finally meet the amazing people who bring these characters to live so amazingly. So Saturday, our first day, started with an opening panel where the casts greets us and everything and shortly after the OPS were beginning. So the first block was Matt, Harry, Jade and Will. I had Matt and Harry first (and to be honest I was the most nervous to meet those two so that didn’t really ease my nerves. xD).

Meeting Harry Shum Jr So I was told to go to Harry first and boy, I was shaking in my shoes about how nervous I was meeting him. Photo ops go very quick so in no time it was my turn to take a picture with him and my heart was just beating out of my chest but when I saw him, he just smiled at me and greeted me with a hug and immediately asked me “Hi! How are you doing?’’ and I could talk with him without even stuttering. Like, one hug and all my previous worries about being nervous just flew out the window. He was so sweet and patient with me and I am forever thankful I got the opportunity to meet this man. They day after I met him at the autographe and I had bought him an omamori and I’ll never forget our little conversation we had when I walked up to the table for the autograph session. He asked me how I was doing, if I still had some energy after these tiring two days and even danced with me a little! (Well he danced a bit in his chair but still, AHH) His reaction when he saw the omamori was the cutest thing ever. “An omoari! Oeeh, thank you so much!’’ (Also when he saw our picture he casually said, “Oh yeah I remember you!’’ and I was screaming on the inside.)

Meeting Matthew Daddario So, after my photoshoot with Harry on the saturday, I immediately queued for Matt’s line in the room where the photo’s were taken. At this point I was a little nervous again because... hello it’s Matt. When I was behind the curtain where Matt took his pictures I could hear him go; “Guys I look ridiculous! I am gonna look ridiculous in these pictures!’’ And at first I thought maybe it were some girls wanting to do some cosplay with hum but NOPE, he was worried about his hat hair! (He wore a cap when he came in during the opening panel and clearly was asked by the crew at the beginning of his photo session to take it off. He later but it back on. xD) So, it was my turn and I walk up to him, give him a hug (which holy shit they all give amazing hugs) and the usual “how are you doing chat’’. So we take out picture and as I’m about to leave (you’re not allowed to hang around for very long) he turns to me and goes “Does my hair look ridiculous to you?’’ and I blink at first and then am like; “What? No! No you look fine, Matt!’’ And he continues to be like “I should’ve done something with it.’’ and I literally stare him dead in the eyes and say: “Matt, you look beautiful.’’ and he FUCKING SMILED AND SAID “Aw, thanks!’’ Yeah no, I was an emotional dead mess after that. Later on this day I had an autographe session with him where I gave him a self made omamori. He was very clearly tired and had a long day behind him so I didn’t want to take up much of his time. I gave him the omamori (which he loved by the way) but forgot to tell him I actually had made it myself. So the next day I had another autographe session and op with him. Because the queue for his op was so long this time there was not much time for small talk, I gave him a hug again and we did the parabatai op which I loved because OH DAMN HE STARES STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND THEN HAS THE AUDICITY TO SMIRK AT YOU. ANyways so later on that sunday I had my last autogrpahe session which was him and got my friend an autographe from him. So he asked me about my friend and I told him about her where after I gave him the letter I asked him if he remembered me giving him the omamori. “Yeah! The tiny one right?’’ and so I explained that I made it myself and he was very surprised about that and when I gave him the letter I said that everything was written in there and he went like “Wait, lemme write omamori on it. That way I know it’s from you!’’ after that I said my goodbyes to him and a friend of mine who was stillin line offered a shoulder to cry upon because I was so emtionally overwhelmed :’) But yeah, Matthew Daddario is an angel and I feel so blessed I have met him. 

Meeting Alberto Rosende OKAY THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF THE ENTIRE EFFING WEEKEND.

Let me start off with the fact that Alberto is a Gryffindor and I am a Gryffindor. Last Christmas my friend had gifted me a Gryffindor scarf so... I took that with me to the con. So when I had my op with him (I had two in one row) I wrapped the scarf around his neck and told him “You can borrow it for today.’’ And his eyes just... widened in surprise and he was like “Oh, thank you. This is so cool.’’ So we did a pose with the scarf and then a regular hug pose afterwards. Later that saturday I also had an autographe with him so naturally, I decided I wanted him to sign the gryffindor op! This entire exchange owns my heart. Alberto Rosende is the kindest soul I have ever met and I only love him more after this convention. So when it was my turn for his autographe he was eating some sweets and I playfully asked him if they were good. He  was like “Yeah! Do you want some?’’ They were lemon napoleons AND I DO NOT SAY NO TO SOUR CANDY. So I gave him the picture of us and at first he wrote my name; “Anja. That’s a really pretty name. I love that name.’’ I think I blushed bright red at that lol. Then he saw the op and he gasped and before he even started writing I was like; “Gryffindor’s for life!’’ he stops all movements and was like: “I WAS GONNA WRITE THAT!’’ And we high fived and aahhh my heart was screaming with happiness. So when he had signed my photo I gave him an envelope with a letter and a tiny gift. He looked at me and was like; “Can I open it now?’’ And I was like, yes of course! So he opened it and he smiled so big when he saw the bas guitar keychain I got him. It reminded me of him as well as of Simon so I figured it would be a perfect gift for him. He told me he loved it and honestly, he made my entire day with this exchange. :’’)

Meeting Emeraude, Kat and Dom + the autographes with Jade and Will So these three ops and autographes went quite fast so I’ve decided to put them under one headline lol. With Jade and Will I only had an autographe.

I had two autographes with Kat on the saturday, one for me and one for a friend. Her throat was very sore from when she was in Australia so I talked and laughed about that bit with her and then she was asking me how I liked the convention and such. Her op was super rushed, it was in and out in the snap of a fingers but she was an angel. 

Emeraude was an absolute sweetheart. I talked a bit at the autographe with her about the con as well and then sunday we had our photo op. So I wanted to do the parabatai pose with her and Eme being Eme she was a bit confused which one it was but I showed her and she was like “Oh right! Well as you know I don’t have a parabatai but now you are my first one!’’ “Well I’m very honored to be!’’ She was gorgeous in real life and such a joy to talk with and see at panels.

Dom’s ops were a bit rushed as well but I had the chance to talk to him a bit and gah, his accent in real life. fuck man. Will’s accent too by the way. Shit. I’ve had my doubts about meeting Dom after everything that happened and had been struggling with this decision for the remaining eight months but decided to just do it since I already spend money on the photo op. During his autographe we talked baout my name and The Netherlands and how our J’s sound different, I found it funny he picked up on that xD.

Will was such a fucking pleasure to talk with and he was adorable. Hours before the autographe session he had a panel with Harry that I witnessed and so I had something to talk about with him. That panel was seriously everything. 

Jade was a real sweetheart. He was talking in French at first but when he noticed I spoke English he did that (which I think is amazing, speaking French with the local fans) this was on the sunday and at the end of the event so we just talked about the weekend we had and that he was such a sweetheart.

For the rest I have an op with the Lightwood family and the Shumdario duo with one of my best friends and parabatai!

And basically that was my weekend! i ha the most amazing time with this incredible cast and met the best firends and mutuals in real life that I could’ve ever asked for. 

And no matter how much I miss them at this point, I know I’ll see some of them back again at THOS3! (Whihc I got a pass for again and I can’t wait!)

If you read this far I applaud you! xD Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed this story!

[asncnnn]

Happiest Birthday to you my once great loved

I wrote you a letter last night but i figured you wouldnt want to read it nor seen it but i still did it. Its about all the things that i couldnt bring up to you in person.

It’s all about the day when we first met.

Back then, I made stupid decisions. Frustrated to the times i hadnt to get the chance to be good. Im that kind of person back days that i randomly do things without thinking. Then the first time i saw you was in our second year highschool you with your bestfriend whom i had a crush on before. soon we became friends. friends that i never thought that i have a vibe with and you guide me always to your bestfriend telling me what she likes most and other things like that, I saw the greatness of your abilities. Your artistic vibe when it comes in criticizing every one in one look. its so funny when all we can do is look at the eye of each other then you already knew what was i thinking nor i knew what yours. You seemed happy. I never have seen you laugh closely when we were together. Your smile makes me calm.

Then we were the kind of friendship that everyone wanted back days. We were not that perfect friend of pair to be honest. You were the light at our friendship back days while i was the shadow of your light. That makes your light shine greater than ever. Whenever we were seen together back days, they would tell us that we were like a couple. At first i woudnt think that i could be friends with you. We have an opposite traits if they can only see that. you always guide me to be better to do good you light up my world back days when i do stupid things that bring my name down. I was so thankful because of all the people whom i met, there is something that really bothers me. I mean of all people why would you approach me. I mean why would you be friends with someone whom rumors with a bad habit and attitude i have are the traits you loathed. I was grumpy, badass lil man. I am not that approachable that everybody thinks.

I was never good with conversations back then but when i was with you, I could not stop talking. Then, it got to a point where you were the first person i tell things to. Good or bad things. We talked about the little and the most random things, but there were always goodbyes in between. months passed. they say there are something changed within me. they were talking about my traits. it somehow changed. i wasnt the person whom they used to think anymore thanks to you because you believe me back days and you never give up on me to teach how to be good and act like a man.

Your memories with me are still so vivid in my mind. i can still hear you singing me lullabies as i sleep at your shoulders when im tired. i can still feel your warm hugs like you almost kill me because of the tightness and because the days we were not together. i can still reminisce the favorite shirt you liked. i can even still remember the one letter you gave me that i keep in my wallet. the one in pink post note that dated 2013. You loved me long enough that i memorized everything you had with me. I saw the beauty behind your chaos. The sides of you that are lovable despite how devastated you are. I saw the real you even when it’s wrapped in the loneliness that your loneliness brought you. I never had the chance to write down the sensation it causes me when im with you, but it felt safe, uplifting and serene. I could think of nothing but calm feeling through the stor, it is easier to breathe. Everything feels light and soft and bright. To be with you is the safest i have ever felt. it feels like even if the world would be crumbling before our eyes, it wont matter because im with you. And with that, i slowly realize that i fell in love with you.

so when we left everything. you died. from being your shadow. i turned into a shadow of my own. After what happened, i had to remove everything that reminds me of you. our photographs captured on my phone, those late night calls that been recorded, the stares full of meaning, the words, and the entire moment.

I never told anyone about this, but i built a museum in my heart out of our happy memories, You could say its only fitting given that they’re all that we have left, anyway relics of the past, but i did that for a simple reason, so that my heart wont grow hate for you. for myself. for whatever happened to us.

That way, when i hear your name somewhere around with our friends or when somebody plays our favorite musics, its not the disastrous final days of us together that will come to my mind. Not the non-stop shouting, fighting, and crying over silly, little things that i now could not even remember. Instead, it will be the beautiful moments that will fill my head.

All of this might sound silly to you, and maybe it really is. But i dont care, I’ll be the curator of our memories, and i will keep them safe in this museum i built inside my heart where only i hold the keys to.

Happiest Birthday Buddy thanks for the past 7 years for good and bad memories.