#im realy depresed recently as per usual

[nightfallsystem]

i know its easier said than done but you *really* do not have any sort of obligation to be good at or constantly improving at your hobbies. you deserve to do the things that you love, no matter if youre bad at them or not, or putting in the work to become better at them or just doing them for fun without any concern

ik this is the era of monetizing your hobbies and putting it all in social media and starting a small business or whatever the hell but thats literally just capitalism worming into our brains and it can go fuck itself. the word amateur has such negative connotations today, but it originally came from the french word for love, and i think thats still how it should be !!

i abandoned my hobbies too for a really long time and it made me feel so empty but ive been slowly coming back to them and ive realized that it was at least partially bc i was forcing myself to put in too much damn effort. i did not have that amount of effort in me, still dont, and thats ok ! like esp w art in my case, ive realized that being messy and loose w it and doing silly doodles brings me oodles more joy than forcing myself to create clean finished pieces, getting dissapointed w my skills, or just doing Nothing At All

its hard, but please try to give yourself some grace. pick an old hobby back up with no expectations, or try something new with the intention of having fun first and foremost, maybe even with the express purpose of being bad at it ! youre allowed to be, you dont owe the world a thing

i really appreciate it im srory but i cannot be helped thouh . but this means a lot to me so thank you. i am a lost cause unfrotuanteyl

it just sucks bcuz like. i try so hard to be good for months and then my friends literally do 50x better than me after just pickng up thh game so its like extremely discouraging because i want to be better because hhthhats what i really want to do it sems fun but thats legit never ever going to fucking happen so hwhhahts the point if i cant acheieve hhwhat i want to achieve

and ntehres also my anxiety and that wont ever be cured or at least lessened ever so i physically cant have any new hobbies anymore...

i feel empty as hell after abandoning almost every hobby i have but i think i just need to get over it and grow up i have art andn studying i should be happy anyway