#im really bad at posting my art so apologies abt it but. getting something finished while swamped with unfinished school projects feels nic

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[winderrific]

late birthday gift for my best friend @helianthyme of his character Eternity !!!

[swordmaid]

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao 

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now. 

2. jb as classical art series. 

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission. 

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’: 

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe 

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it. 

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

[chaosbcrne]

lil ooc update abt current situation + whats happening with this blog etc

where to start. i think it’s obvious i’ve been struggling a bit recently, for anyone who paid attention to the quite many times where i kept cursing holiday season for keeping me too busy and exhausted to do stuff here and stating that as soon as i would get a breather i would get stuff done, and then that... didn’t really happen. i had almost a whole week off and could not, for the life of me, get myself to work on drafts, or anything really. it wasn’t just in terms of rp, literally everything else i was planning to get done during my time off did not get done. the moment i told myself ‘ok, you can relax now’ my brain switched off and all i could do was idly play games and watch random series. which in itself is not a bad thing. i know with hindsight after what i dealt with during the holiday (and arguably the whole month of december), it was important that i gave myself a break, a real break. 

the bad thing is the guilt i felt at not being able to keep my word.

and frankly, it wasn’t even because i lacked motivation. it’s just that it never... ends. not that i should want it to, because this is a enjoyable hobby, but whenever i find the time and inspiration to dive into things here, it increases, in a way. the more i do, the more i have to do. the main example being for the christmas stuff i never finished, or the couple of memes i’ve tried to do this week. i go in motivated, full steam ahead. get 3, 4, 5 things done, so more are sent my way, and it feels like what i’ve managed to accomplish up to that point was pointless because it only gets attention in the form of people asking for more of it, if that makes sense. what i do never... feels fully rewarding, in a way. and it kind of deters me from wanting to keep going, even if its flattering that so many people are interested.

given that, like i said, whenever i go into these im motivated and fully intending to get it done, there’s no obvious solution to it. im not a big fan of putting hard caps on things, be it memes or starter calls or whatnot, as sometimes i just get more inspiration for some than others regardless of what order they came in. so the only thing i can do about that particular issue is be more selective. which, is not something i like much either, knowing how many people here suffer from RSD, and that anyone who sends something in that i don’t actually get to will likely feel rejected to a degree. unfortunately it’s probably the best course of action for me, if i want to keep doing stuff without burning the fun out of it. i’ll do my best to find some kind of balance, and i apologize to people who will feel let down because of this.

something else that i feel has been damaging my capacity to get stuff done here is, in a way, my activity. not as in, how much writing i do, but the fact that, as i’ve stated in another post a couple of weeks ago, both my home life and work situation allow me to check on the dash almost constantly. which i love ! i don’t want that to change. i love being able to see what everyone is up to, and almost always being around to join in on whatever discussion or playful discourse is going on, whether ic or ooc. the problem with having such a constant access to the dash is that it leaves me feeling like i should always be doing something productive on said dash. which is incredibly unhealthy, ultimately. this is something else i’ve brushed upon over the last few weeks, but my level of accessibility should not dictate how active/productive i must be.

and this is why i feel like things have been going downhill over the past few months for me here, in terms of actual activity, and also quality (in my opinion); always feeling like im not doing as much as i should for someone who gets to be online as much as i am. because now, whenever i get actual, suitable free time to write, it feels like every other hour of the day where i could technically be writing but am not, and it typically passes me by just the same.

once again, it’s not something i intend to change, per se. i don’t plan to force myself to check on the dash less often or anything like that, and i still want rp to remain one of my main hobbies because i really do love it ! but i need to find a way to make myself not feel like i should always be doing more just because im there, so when i do get that perfect time to write, im motivated to actually use it.

i suppose this is the closest thing i have to a new years resolution: finding a couple of other things to keep busy with throughout my downtime, both at work and at home, so that even if i can always keep an eye on the dash i dont pressure myself to get things done and ruin the experience for myself.

so i can actually hold myself accountable for that, i’ve applied to take some online classes (i want to eventually graduate college despite working full time), so i can spend my downtime at work doing homework instead of scrolling on tumblr and wishing i could will myself to write. i’ve finally secured a url for a potential art blog so i can have a place to dump my aimless doodles on and hopefully, by extension, make it more of a habit to practice and draw. sometime this year i want to teach myself hand-sewing too. anyone who knows me knows that im obsessed with stuffed animals and i want to have made one myself by the end of 2020, no matter how simplistic.

ultimately, i don’t think any of these changes will affect my activity much, since, like i said, i wasn’t being nearly as active as i could have been anyway just because i put so much pressure on myself to be doing things just because i was there. i wholeheartedly believe that pushing myself to take interest in pastimes other than rp will make my actual rp experience a lot more enjoyable and productive when i actually sit down to write.

in any case, i wanna thank everyone for both their patience and understanding, as always. im very thankful for the friends i made here and the many talented partners i get to write with, and i just want that to show in the content i put out from now on.