#im reallllllly tired

[mybiasisexo]

nct 127s next cb will be a true test of if im over kpop appropriating my culture or if im just lowkey misogynistic

[fuck-customers]

Getting reallllllly tired of managers springing impossible deadlines on my team. “I want this massive project that will take 5 people 6 months to do but i need it EOD and im just bringing it up now because im an asshole” - basically the email i just got. This keeps happening and im so close to finding a new job

@staff I HATE the new text editor!

[cloudsourcing]

okay I saw my crush talking to his crush (im assuming it’s his crush bc i can just tell) and I am sooo crushed haha I feel so pathetic and sad and hurt. One moment of rejection and I’m immediately my childhood self who constantly feels like nobody looks out for her or chooses her, eternally lonely and rejected! Ah! I want someone to choose me! I know that sounds reallllllly pathetic to say but god I am really tired of feeling like I have to work so hard for love. I just want it to feel like being myself is enough. It never is!

[merwynpersonalhub]

screw it im rambling about his lore

bc i dont have his lore on here even though istg i thought i did. i wrote this alot so i remember alot of it OK SO MARGARITA LORE IS he had a god awful boyfriend i mean he would manipulate margarita or gaslight him and other awful crap like that the ex worked for pizzahead for awhile so one day solano (the ex) told margarita to work for pizzahead. margarita who was already mentally worn down just accepted and worked for pizzahead. pizzahead reallllllly liked margarita as a worker since 1) he was easy to use 2) he scares the hell outta him. pizzahead mentally messed margarita up and solano was physically and mentally messing margarita up (why the hell do you think he has that neck scar?)

so one day margarita ran off, tired of it. pizzahead and solano was pissed at this and told everyone pizzahead hired that if you see margarita he is a traitor and everyone except noise and fake pep believed him. (noise didnt give a fuck and fake peppino didnt know who this margarita person was)

margarita was homeless for a few weeks till he found a flyer for peppino's pizzeria and he just ran to the pizzeria and showed the flyer and was a fucking sweetheart. peppino was sorta confused (since like damn it was a few hours since he put those up) but hired him. peppino was sorta stand off-ish (bc trust issues and other shit) but after a bit he warmed up to margarita. margarita was and still is a hard worker for peppino's pizza! just because he cant cook doesnt mean he cant work! he cleans, he gives the food out, he does the register- anything to help peppino. margarita and peppino get really close since margarita is really supportive and sweet to peppino. anyways the tower shit happens.

peppino tells margarita to wait here and he runs off with gustavo to the tower. margarita waited in the pizzeria for a few hours but peppino wasnt back yet. so he runs up to the tower and goes on his own journey to find peppino and also beat pizzaface ass.

the bosses already fought peppino but when margarita came they fought him too since yk the traitor shit. he fights pepperman and the vigilante and wins. the noise and him just sorta rambled to eachother and noise let him by and fake peppino...man he mach 6 that bitch- he RAN. and found peppino and they had a sweet little reunion and then they both fight pizzaface and pizzahead. they run down the tower when it was crumbling. margarita noticed poppe (friends oc!) was missing from the group and he ran back up to the top and bc poppe is a stubborn bitch they sorta fought but margarita picked her up and just ran back down. they are both safe and stuff

margarita still works for peppino and he loves his job with peppino.

i might ramble about margarita x peppino later hehe

[selinakylediaries]

I think the hardest things about this healing journey is the feelings. Being ADHD and knowing ill feel my feelings intensely just doesn’t make this I dunno what the word is but im tired. Like reallllllly tired

Do i even really feel anything is what comes up, i just feel empty.

[paddingtonicon]

It’s so weird being manic because it’s like your brain went so slow for so long being depressed and then one day was like hmmmmm we need to catch up on being alive let’s do 3 years worth in 2 days

[shredmytapestry]

{ froy gutierrez ♔ twenty five ♔ he/him } well, well, well if it isn’t dorian chez running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from tangerine towers and have lived here for two months. if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to, i hear they’re a stripper/dancer at cloud nine club for a living. they have been known to be quiet yet loyal. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. 

triggers: abusive parents (mention, not in depth), homophobia (mention)

backstory i guess

good day my name is mar and i’m just not known for good intros but alas

so this is my small child dorian who i have never played before! he’s kinda a mashup of a few characters and completely original on his own.

he grew up in a small town in michigan with a mother who left him alone with his ab*sive father. 

long story short, he was caught making out with a boy when he was 13 and his life has been extra shitty since then

early on he learned to stay quiet and so because of this nature, talking only when spoken to 

his father was a violent man and he was a small boy so he also got very good at hiding things with makeup

after high school he didn’t attend university because his father said no and dorian just did what the man wanted so he worked a string of low paying jobs

he had strict curfews even as an adult and he just never told anyone or tried to leave because he was emotionally manipulated into loving his father so things were hard 

eventually just shy of his 24th birthday, dorian decided enough was enough and he packed a bag, took his blind, malnourished little kitten and ran away from town with his best friend, julian (hi ana) 

the two were on the run finding the perfect town for a couple of months until they landed in peach hollow and now dorian feels like he can be free to be himself here

currently/wc

he never had post grad education and in a lot of ways he felt held back from everything. he managed to get a job as a stripper at the local club and honestly... it’s his time to shine and be a little slut because it’s everything he couldn’t be when he was oppressed 

he’s gay af i didn’t know where to shove this in LMAO

along with being a stripper he does some on the DL escort business so his relationship with sex isn’t the greatest but the money is so good he has no regrets

will always volunteer to work bachelor parties / anything at all that tips well 

he’s pretty quiet still but he’s getting to be sure of himself and stands up for himself now. won’t let someone use him or speak over him 

he’s such a nice guy and gets social burn out fast so sometimes just sitting next to someone is more than enough ~

will always try to please people tbh 

reallly reallllllly wants to make friends but he’s so shy that it’s hard 

def won’t talk about his past life and if he’s pressed he’ll start making up lies 

has always wondered about going to uni to find his passions but he doesn’t know it :c he’ll be really curious about everyone’s careers tho 

wc - 

clients at the club coworkers, friends he’s made on a whim when he tried to talk to someone

anyone that got off on the wrong foot and maybe it lowkey spiraled

i have other ideas IM JUST TIRED RN BUT LIKE <3 I’LL PLOT THINGS OUT WITH U PROPERLY I PROMISE

[nctsolar-remade]

ok also i love how ppl joke abt not having a personality and i seriously can’t understand bc i literally have no personality 

[sacredsymbol821]

im getting reallllllly sick and tired of this website needing to guilt trip people about things instead of having a discussion about it. like normal human being do. I can only filter so many words before I hit the limit, and the longer i stay away from this website, the better I feel mentally

[enderdude2001]

Once you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this on to 10 of your favorite followers/ mutuals (non-negotiable, positivity is super cool!) 🍃Have a great day🍃

1) i love my legs specifically my thighs and butt. carved from thunder by thor himself 

2) i love my eyes. they change colour n shit if i’m tired they're like reallllllly dark brown but the if i’m hyped or angry they’re like yellow amber

3) i like my sense of humour. i’m like 24/7 being fucked by the giggle dick days when i’m not in the mood to laugh are REALLY bad it means i’m literally at rock bottom

4) i can sing pretty good sometimes 

5) im a sensitive ass bitch like if you and me are even somewhat chill all your problems are my problems. i like that im so compassionate 

[arbitrarilymine]

Still Saturday, 07.07.18, 11:02

Free writing, putting whatever incoherent thoughts I have down in no order

I have a mild headache, I'm typing this in a shopping mall instead of going home because I don't wanna travel back and forth. Aircon smells really bad sometimes and like I get it, we don't like sweating in this weather but it makes me feel unhealthy and sick sometimes and just. Is there no better alternative :(

I'm waiting for my facial. Waiting to lie on the bed and possibly fall asleep lol.

I wanted to write today. I don't really have the energy; haven't had the energy in a while. I want to write a character but i have no story. And no energy to muster to do angst.

A tweet got me to check out florence and the machine. The lyrics for Hunger are so beautiful and real and relatable and the song is good too. Sometimes i feel like good songs really make me just feel better. Perhaps the key is in feeling not alone in whatever shitty feelings i have at that moment. Feeling not alone is comfort enough sometimes.

I'm scared of getting close to people. Or rather, my default is that i have learnt to be scared of getting close to people and it's always surprising whenever i realise my body language or default response to things reflect that. Like when people come too physically close or when people share too much with me. I'm not sure what to think of this. I suppose i want to change but maybe the question is also why do i behave this way as default? Maybe knowing the reason would help. I dont know.

I am easily annoyed lately. It's work related and it's manifested this week as alot of food cravings and overeating (not grossly overeating just... more than i usually do). Im clearly stressed anf these are the outward symptoms.

People's voices. Some people have reallllllly annoying voices. I'm not sure if my easily annoyed mood makes it worse recently but I've really been nitpicking on it in my head and that's... tiring. On the other hand, i have been noticing when people do have nice voices and that's always very soothing.

The headache is getting worse. Ugh. I just wanna sleep.

I wanna focus on good things and not feed the negativity but lately i feel like i cant muster up the energy to give a fuck.

I feel like i have a limited amount of productiveness every week. If i spend too much at the start, i cant be very bothered towards the end of the week. I've been wondering if this might alsp be a bit self deterministic in the sense that once i start thinking like this i behave exactly like this but also, see above about how I've been stressed lately and have no fucks to give.

Tired.

[mitchthebitxh]

i reallllllly love that christmas use to be my favorite time, i use to love waking up to family, i use to love just...waking up. but right now, i’m so tired. i’m so physically exhausted, mentally drained, emotionally done. my family is the worst and i dread every day i have to wake up here. i’m just so done. sometimes i wish i had the balls to actually just fucking put a bullet threw my brain and i have no clue why im posting this bc no one really cares but i just need to vent and, well. it doesn’t matter. i just want to fall asleep and just really stay asleep. i hate everything about christmas time, i hate everything about this house, i hate everything about this so-called “family”. i just don’t want to alive anymore. but one can only WISH.

[fuck-customers]

Im reallllllly sick and tired of my store continuing to sell expired products because i dont get paid enough to accept returns because the meat u bought was expired and i cant damage it until the end of the day and now it smells and i hate everything

[stalepotato-blog]

if anybody is actually taking time out of their day to read this stupid blog, let me save you some time.

just stop.     close the tab.    and go on youtube or something.

no but for real tho. just stop and turn around. 

there is nothing interesting on here for you to see. im just writing to myself cause im a loser and im trying to keep a journal of my thoughts on a day to day basis...at least i hope.

my friend told me to start the journal cause she said that it would help me deal with my life and just vent. also i feel like i can sort my feelings out better when i talk about myself.....soooooo yeah. i guess lets start with my past.

im currently 18 years old, im just not going to put my name on here cause what the heck is the point its to myself. but anyway im 18 years old. im korean. i was born in korea but my family and i moved to the states before i was even 1 so i consider myself pretty american....then again i hate the sound of american so i like to call myself korean even though i hate korean culture...you’ll see why later. i grew up in a pretty conservative household..i think? just think of any stereotypical asian household and that would be my own household. its was the usual...no girls, no drugs, no alcohol. i also went to church pretty often and considered myself pretty devout, so i didnt care too much about that stuff anyway.......except for girls. i was horny.

i spent most of my life growing up in southern california about 30 minutes from LA. it was pretty chill. i lived in the suburbs of a pretty safe neighborhood, the cops were so bored all he time that dealing with a car crash probably got them off. i went to elementary school, middle school, and high school all within a 5 mile radius of my house. which was convenient but there was nothing to do besides go to school...and go eat. which i did a lot. which is why im fat. oh. i forgot to describe my appearance. im a guy. 5′ 4���’. chubs. really small eyes. black hair. used to think i had broad shoulders but then one of my friends told me that im playing myself. so i stopped thinking that. 

damn i have hiccups, 

anyway where was I? oh yeah school. uhhhhhh school was alright. was a little rough at first..little kids can be mean lol but i go over it very quickly. i used middle school to try to change myself completely. i stopped crying. i lost some weight. i liked to play basketball and run so i did that a lot with my best friend. oh yeah my best friend. uhhh i met my first really close friend in elementary school. i was tired of kids making fun of me in elementary so put that anger out onto other people... aka my best friend. i bullied him and made fun of his buzz lightyear sweater he liked to wear by pretending that i was buzz lightyear in class. yeah i was a dick i know, but i was in like 5th grade, chill. he is basically everything physically that i am not. he was real lean. athletic and strong but it didnt show too much cause he was thin. oh and he was really tall. think he was like 5′ 8′’ by the end of elementary. he got back at me by making fun of my weight and height, so i consider us pretty even. i dont remember if we ever apologized to each other exactly but we probably did. we’re good now. although we still make fun of each other. its funny. 13 years later, we’re still friends.

at around around the same time i met m other best friend, ahhhh, not sure so much about best anymore but shes close to me and i care about her. i met her in elementary school, but we didnt really talk then, later i found out that she was actually sexist in elementary school and she didnt hang around guys cause well. she hated them? i forget the reason why, she just disliked them. but in middle school she walked every day home with me and my best bud. our houses were pretty close to each other so we it was nice to walk together. at first she avoided us too, but then she started hanging with us two and that was the first time she really talked to guys and had fun so she stuck around. but thats not the only thing. i dont know how to describe her, but she really isnt your normal type of girl. she very quirky. reallllllly short like 4′ 6′’ or something like that, she had really long hair, which i thought was cute..until she chopped it off like halfway through middle school. but at the end of the day. this girl was weird. for example. my and me best bud first noticed that she also walked home a few days into the semester, but when we saw her, she was stealing one of those flowers next to like plaza signs to make them look better? you know what im talking about? my bud and i were walking up to her and she was staring at the flower and she tried to take only one flower but ended up uprooting the whole damn thing. by this time my friend and i had caught up to her and we were just staring at her without saying a word. then this girl breaks the silence by looking at my bud an saying ‘hey. cut this bottle for me yeah?’ then she flashed us a smile and proceeded to pull a 2 liter bottle out of her backpack along with a pair of kitchen scissors out of her backpack....lets just stop there. what. the. heck? i mean like am i weird for thinking thats weird? that pretty weird....anyway she hands off the bottle to my friend and the scissors. and he just looks at me and says okay and cut the bottle in half. she placed the plant into the bottle and then started walking with us. and from tha point on she just kept walking home with us. now as usual, since we were all teens, with the whole puberty and emotions thing going on and also of the opposite gender we eventually liked each other... but in more like of a weird third wheel...ahhh... i dont even want to call it third wheel. it felt like a bicycle or like a motorcycle with one of those side car thingys........... ..... .... its complicated. in case you were wondering i was the extra part.. the extra wheel so to speak. but thatttttttttttttttttttt is a story for another time. maybe my next post. i feel like this post was a bit long but its my first one so what the hell. guesss this is the end..buhbai.

oh and on a side note. what i said earlier on the whole because we of the opposite gender so we started liking each other thing. dont give me any crap about how thats inconsiderate towards gay people and all that. i dont have anything against gay people, but im just trying to describe my own experience of my past without adding politically correct crap and all that social justice comments. i can live without others judging me on my own blog. 

then again. who the hell is going to actually read this.