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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1

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Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go.

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object.

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin.

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.”

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.”

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours.

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?”

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.”

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?”

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.”

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words.

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.”

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod.

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.”

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.”

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid.

“Are you alright?”

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt.

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house.

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek.

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.”

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner.

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier.

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.”

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.”

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.”

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you.

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you.

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach.

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it.

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric.

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?”

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?”

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you.

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood.

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo-

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war.

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views.

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.”

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.”

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him.

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t.

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed.

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult?

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.”

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief.

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be?

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood.

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.”

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.”

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost.

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words.

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong.

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?”

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink.

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind.

“You really don’t have to-”

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together.

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.”

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him.

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased.

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay.

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-”

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you.

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.”

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully.

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back.

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.”

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.”

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.”

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.”

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Taglist:

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

#arvin russel imagine #arvin russell x you #Arvin Russell #arvin rus #arvin russell x reader #arvin russel #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel x y/n #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #The Devil All The Time #tdatt #tdatt imagine #tdatt fics #Hayloft

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rrickgrrimes8 · 4 years ago

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I’ve Got You ~ Mitch Rapp

Mitch marched into the room - masculinity shrouding every inch of his toned body. Unknowingly to him her attention immediately switched to his presence as soon as he entered. Her eyes lingered and mismerised his entire body - from his chocolate orbs to his flexed bicep - awe and arousal oozed off of her.

If she wasn't in the midst of her own conversation believe me she would be drooling a river over him. "So, (y/n), I would like you to train with someone else - perhaps one of the higher tiers. I don't think that it is working out between you and I. I think you need more of a challenge." Her trainer, Daniel, informed wearing a friendly childlike smile.

Since she started this training program at her gym the employees there which also happen to be all men underestimated her abilities and strength. So because of their ignorance and blatant misogyny they paired her with the - said in the nicest way possible - weakest dude in the whole place. Don't get me wrong Daniel is a good guy and is now a great friend to (y/n) but they clearly aren't the best pair due to the clear superiority of (y/n).

"Yeah... yeah sure who?" She muttered kind of dreading the fact that she would have to leave the only friend she made in this place for probably a disgusting sexist pig. "Ugh well I have no clue who it is but you're meeting him in..." Daniel paused checking his watch, "right now." He smiled sweepingly but the nerves in (y/n) just stared to settle in and a hurricane of anxiety bombarded her. She had never been good with new people let alone people that already see her as a inferior.

"What?! I-I can't do it now. I should have time to prepare -you know like about two weeks and I'll be ready." She informed hopefully but was met with the familiar sound of Daniels chuckle. "Oh c'mon you'll be okay. You need to get out of your comfort zone anyways then maybe you'll get up enough courage to ask out walking muscle man." She shook her head ferociously before breaking out into a burst of laughter at the nickname 'walking muscle man.'

"Excuse me what the hell is a walking muscle man?" (Y/n) chuckled into the palm of her hand while Daniel gave her an amused look. "You know who I am mean (y/n)." He insisted but she shook her head. Daniel leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Mitch." Her face immediately darkened at the mention of him.

How did Daniel know about my obsession? Is it that obvious? Who else knows? Does everyone know? These thoughts swam around her head like fishes in a tank. Her cheeks were basically inflamed and the nervous tick she had adapted from her childhood of tapping her foot has returned.

"W-what are you talking about?" She whispers back fear evident in her question. "Oh don't act dumb I know you like him. It's pretty obvious." She groaned. "It is?"

"So you admit him?" Daniel clapped back causing (y/n) to fall into a deeper pit of embarrassment. "Oh god." She said burying her head into her hands. "Oh yes." Daniel smiled content with the fact he finally got it out of her.

Daniel had caught on to the fact whenever Mitch ever entered a room her attention was drawn to him regardless of what she is doing at the time - which includes them being in the middle of a boxing match which happened many times and believe him never ends well. He also caught on to the many times she attempted to go up to him and introduce herself but quickly ran away before he noticed.

"Is it really that obvious?" She complained. "Not to anyone but me. You see sweetheart I know you very well indeed and I know for a fact that you cannot take your eyes off of him." Daniel paused looking around the room. "And from the looks of it neither can he." (Y/n)'s head shot up at his comment and furrowed her eyebrows.

"W-what?" Daniel laughed at her like he had been doing for the entirety of their conversation. To say the least it seemed that he was enjoying this little matching making session a little to much for (y/n)'s liking. "Don't look now but a certain Mitchy moo is looking right at you." He said nodding over to where Mitch was stood.

(Y/n) didn't hesitate to shoot her head over to where he pointed and as soon as she did she was met with Mitchs familiar pair of dreamy eyes. As soon as (y/n)'s gaze hit his his head instantly pulled down avoiding her at all cost. "And you looked anyway." Daniel sang. "Shut up." She replied sticking her tongue out at him.

"Oi (y/l/n) aren't you supposed to be training right now?!" Someone bellowed from the other end of the room. "Shit." The (y/h/c) girl collected all of her stuff recklessly and ran off to where she usually had her training sessions but obviously now she wouldn't be so kindly blessed with his presence but now instead she is going to have to do the worst thing imaginable- socialise.

She entered her little room of the gym and placed her stuff down ordering it as best as she can. "Finally I didn't think you'd show up." A deep almost intimidating voice acknowledged her. Usually she wouldn't be so panicked just by one voice but now it panicked her beyond belief knowing who that voice belonged to. Mitch. "I-oh right oh s-sorry was caught with...-"

"With chatting with your boyfriend?" Mitch interrupted coldly while strapping the straps in his boxing gloves. "W-what? Boyfriend? Never!" She spluttered still not facing Mitchs way scared of what kind of shade of red her face had formed this time. "You know very well who I am talking about (y/l/n). I went out there and saw the two of you so don't act dumb. It's not a good look on you or at least I would say that if I could actually see your face but alas it seems that you have lost the ability to face someone other than the guy your fucking." He spat causing (y/n)'s jaw to drop and her eyes slightly water at the tone of his voice - which may I add reminded her of the trauma she came her to overcome.

"T-the guy I'm fucking? I don't understand M-Mitch." She heard Mitch let out a heavy stressful sigh which she guessed was probably accompanied with an eye roll or two. "God you can't be serious." He laughed humourlessly as if it was obvious who he was talking about.

(Y/n) stayed silent waiting for him to actually form a sentence that didn't ask for more questions than answers. "Daniel." He muttered causing (y/n) to spin around a little to fast causing her to begin to fall down. The girl closed her eyes preparing for the hard impact of the ground but instead was embraced by a pair of toned arms.

"I've got you." He whispered as she opened her (y/e/c) eyes. "I'm not dating, fucking or even thinking about Daniel in that way. I never have and certainly never will. He's just a friend." She reassured him despite not understanding why it mattered so much to him that he need some reassurance.

The words brought a small curve to his plump lips as he held the (y/b/t) girl softly. "Why do you care, Mitch?" (Y/n) finally said breaking the silence that had formed between the pair. "B-because I think I like you." She smiled at him disregarding the feeling that this might be a trick or some sort of weirdly realistic dream and she started to lean in. As their lips inched closer and closer she could tell Mitch was become more anxious by the second.

Just when their lips were about to join Mitch let go. (Y/n) fell back first onto the flooring and surprisingly Mitch accidentally fell too - on top of her. "What the actual fuck, Mitch?" She snapped feeling as if the dream that she was about to experience was completely ripped away. (Y/n) pushed Mitch off of her and sat up waiting for some sort of explanation.

"I-I'm s-sorry." Mitch said not even making a move of getting up but instead completely giving up and just laid there - heart broken. "I thought you said you liked me." The now sat upright girl spoke timidly the tears building up rapidly. "I do." The broken man admitted. "Then why did you let go?"

"I'm scared." (Y/n) was shocked with his confession clearly not expecting the great Mitch Rapp to admit when he's scared of something but now the question is - what? "Scared of what Mitch? Of me?" She asked fear dripping from every syllable.

"Yes! No! Maybe! Kinda! I don't know (y/n). I don't know anything except that I like you and I'm scared." Mitch bursted his hands subconsciously running through his dark hair. (Y/n)'s eyes narrowed in on me hoping for a better explanation than what he had shown so far.

"I-i lost someone. Someone really important to me- someone I loved. A-and now I have to figure out a way to understand how to get by without her. Looking at what am I now compared to three months back I'm better, yes, but not fixed. And with you despite not even having a conversation I feel at peace and sometimes when I just watch you train or eat lunch or anything I sometimes forget about that person. And that makes me hate myself. Then when I almost kissed you that made the hate I have inside overflow." Mitch paused looking over at the teary eyed girl.

"I-it just feels like I'm falling. Like I'm falling from the tallest building I've ever seen and no matter how long I fall for I never hit the ground and you have no idea how much I wanna hit the ground. But I also know if I do hit the ground then I'll lose myself and all the steps I have taken to change from that broken person I was. I want to hit the ground because I want to stop falling but maybe instead of meeting the ground maybe I need someone to catch me. I know I need someone to catch me. So I'm scared hell im petrified b-because I think that person might be you." Mitch concluded his voice cracking at different points and his eyes wouldn't dare to look at her anymore not after the amount of over sharing he just did.

He closed his eyes ready to attempt to settle his thoughts thinking that maybe (y/n) had just left due to the shock bomb he had just dropped on her until a pair of soft perfect lips landed on his. He immediately kissed back grabbing the sides of her face deepening the kiss of that was possible. (Y/n) pulled away causing him to reluctantly open his eyes to see her red and puffy ones.

"I've got you."

#mitch rapp x y/n #mitch rapp angst #mitch rapp imagine #mitch rapp x reader #mitch rapp #dylan obrien imagine #dylan o’brien #dylan obrien #angst

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ncssian · 4 years ago

Text

A Favor: Part Two

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: im so sorry i know i need to start editing these

***

Nesta stands in her guest room at Cassian’s cabin, hands on her hips as she eyes the garbage bags full of things she managed to salvage from her old apartment.

All of her rain-soaked clothes sit in two huge bags, waiting to go through the laundry, while her books are carefully spread out on the windowsill, floor, and anywhere they can catch enough sunlight to dry their pages. Nesta almost cried when she saw that Lorene had salvaged her few adult coloring books and the art supplies to go with them, still dry.

For a brief moment, she’s glad she didn’t buy any physical copies of her textbooks this year— the loss of that money would be too much to bear.

A brief knock sounds at her door, and Nesta spins to find Cassian standing there, laundry basket in hand. “I can take your clothes down for you if you want,” he offers, lifting his own basket with a hand.

Nesta’s lips tighten. He wants to do her laundry with his. Their laundry will get cleaned together. Her underwear will get tangled up with his.

Cassian’s brow furrows. “Nesta?”

This is her new reality now. She’ll have to accept it at one point or another.

“We can do separate loads if you want,” Cassian adds. “Feyre told me you— well, she said you might be more uncomfortable with some things than others. It’s totally fine if you don’t want your clothes mixing—”

“No.” Nesta finally snaps out of it. “I don’t care about the laundry. My clothes are right here.”

Because she has a sneaking suspicion she might be being unintentionally bitchy again, Nesta helps Cassian drag her bags of drenched clothes downstairs.

“I feel sort of bad for bullying you into this deal,” Cassian rambles as he dumps clothes into the washer. “Which is why I need you to know you can enforce whatever rules and boundaries you want while you’re here. If you’d prefer I never speak to you for the rest of your time here, I can manage that, too.”

Nesta looks at him with a hint of disbelief. Sometimes he says the oddest things. “I don’t want you to never speak to me again.”

There’s relief in his sagging shoulders. “That’s good,” he says as he pours out detergent. “I mean, I was a little worried you were against this so much because you hated me, but you don’t know me enough to hate me, do you?”

Hate. Nesta rolls the word over her tongue, tastes the hard corners of it, and decides it doesn’t fit for Cassian. Not even close. She wonders how to articulate this to Cassian.

She settles on: “You seem nice enough. Obviously, since you’re letting me live in your luxury mountain cabin for free. But I don’t want to set any boundaries while I’m here. You shouldn’t have to change your normal lifestyle just for a guest. Do whatever you want; it’s your place.”

Cassian presses a button and the rumble of the washing machine begins. “I want you to be comfortable,” he says, turning to face her completely. “Whatever you need, Nesta, seriously.”

For starters, it would make Nesta comfortable if he didn’t say her name like that. His earnestness makes her skin itch, but she’s not going to tell him that.

Instead, she bravely lifts her chin. “I’ve been pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I don’t think I know how to find my way back.” The honest truth. “At this point, you might as well keep me out here.”

Cassian’s eyes narrow. “If you don’t tell me what things bother you, I’ll have to find them out for myself, you know.” It sounds like a challenge.

“Go ahead,” Nesta deadpans. She doesn’t know what Feyre’s told him about her, but contrary to popular belief, Nesta isn’t a glass doll. Sensitive, high maintenance, yes, but fragile? Never.

She turns on her heel and leaves Cassian in the laundry room, determined not to let her circumstances get the better of her while she stays here.

***

Cassian takes everything back. He’s obsessed.

He can’t pinpoint the exact moment, how or when or why he decided he likes Nesta. Maybe it was an amalgamation of different things, but by the time she settles onto his living room couch with a box of takeout Thai food, it’s safe to say he’s fascinated.

She’s nothing like how Feyre talks about her. She’s barely anything like the woman he met at the dinner party two years ago. The problem is, Cassian hasn’t pinpointed what she’s like. There’s still too many walls in place, but here, as she slurps noodles unabashedly while watching TV with an intense fixation, she’s softer than he’s ever seen her. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t feel the need to defend herself to a sitcom; there’s no self-consciousness, only a deep focus on the Community episode they’re currently watching.

Cassian splits his focus between offering commentary in an attempt to make Nesta laugh and observing her reactions from the corner of his eyes. A few things he’s noticed so far: 1) Her cheeks bulge like a squirrel’s when they’re full of food; she seems to have no shame about this. 2) She isn’t inclined to respond to Cassian when he makes comments on the show, but the corners of her mouth tilting up imply that she likes it anyway. 3) She watches sitcoms like she’s studying for a final exam about them.

When the episode finally ends, she turns to him and glances at his hands. “Are you going to eat that?” she says.

Cassian glances down at his untouched container of food, a little surprised, but hands it over to her without a fight. He can’t pretend it doesn’t do something to him to see her eyes light up over something as simple as curry and rice.

Nesta’s poking her chopsticks around the box when she notices Cassian watching. “What?” she says, immediately on the defensive.

“You eat funny,” he admits. Her brows furrow so deeply he thinks they might create a permanent indentation. He’s quick to add, “It’s adorable. Seriously.” It isn’t something he would have said yesterday, but he’s taking Nesta’s words from the laundry room to heart. He won’t put a damper on his personality as long as she can handle it.

Her hand comes up to self-consciously touch her cheek, but she quickly drops it. “Play the next episode,” she says as she picks up her chopsticks again, and that’s the end of that.

***

Cassian wastes no time coming up with ways to push Nesta out of her comfort zone, just as he promised. The next morning, he greets her downstairs in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Nesta takes a long, slow blink at his bare torso, muscled arms, and brown skin, and turns around to get started on making breakfast. It’s not good enough— he catches a glimpse of her reddened cheeks when she reaches for the milk container anyway.

It’s only until they’re both settled in the living room after dinner that he realizes he doesn’t have the upper hand he thought he did.

Nesta is stretched out on her stomach on the Persian rug in an oversized tee and nothing else. Her bare legs swing in the air behind her, and she’s listening to music and coloring.

Cassian’s unanswered emails sit abandoned on the phone in his lap. He truly can’t stop staring; there’s just too much to absorb.

For starters, she wears glasses. Big, round, gold-rimmed glasses that are almost slipping off her nose at the moment. That revelation alone is so affecting that he has to quickly move on to other, smaller details. Like the sound of her uncapping different markers and filling in smooth lines on the page before her. Cassian feels a desperate desire to see what she’s coloring. Her hair is up in a ponytail, and her legs…

Cassian can’t say that ever since he first took notice of the beauty mark at the corner of Nesta’s lush mouth that he hasn’t wondered where else on her body she might be hiding little moles and freckles. He just never expected to get an answer so soon. Because right there, where her shirt rumples up to reveal her bare thigh, is the smallest dark spot.

He wants to put his mouth on it.

His own thoughts take him by surprise, and he realizes he’s gripping his phone so hard the screen might crack.

He uncurls his fingers from the phone and squeezes his eyes shut against the wave of desire crashing into him. Desire and something else, something achingly fond and frustrated at the same time.

“Cassian?” The sound of his name has his eyes snapping open. Nesta’s watching him, brow furrowed. “Are you feeling okay?” she asks.

He feels stupid for trying to play this push-and-pull game with Nesta, because it’s barely even started and he’s already losing. “I’m gonna go put a shirt on,” he mutters, moving to get up.

Nesta’s lips turn down a little. “And ruin the view?” She says it completely seriously, not a hint of slyness to her words.

Cassian’s ass falls back into his seat in pure surprise. His eyes widen. “Was that a joke?” Did Nesta Archeron just make a joke?

Her frown turns deeper. “I don’t think so. Was it funny?”

“It was teasing.”

“Then it wasn’t a joke.” She shrugs and returns back to her coloring. “If you put a shirt on, I’m putting my pants on,” she says without looking up.

Cassian has absolutely no idea what he’s gotten himself into. But he doesn’t move from the couch for the rest of the evening.

***

By the end of the weekend, Nesta has gotten the hang of being around Cassian. There are several occasions in those first couple of days— slips of the tongue, really— where she pauses in trepidation, worried she’s said or done too much. She is always doing too much. But then Cassian grins, or laughs, or as of more often lately, teases her right back, and her muscles can relax again.

He has also relaxed around her. Nesta knows that quiet front he put up when they first met was partly for her benefit, because the more comfortable they become with each other, the more he reminds her of the Cassian Feyre’s always talking about. And yet, the person he is with her is nothing like the person she’s seen hanging around Feyre’s inner circle. This person doesn’t make her feel excluded or ignored. It’s the exact opposite— she hasn’t been on the receiving end of this much male attention since Tomas.

And as much as it surprises her to like it so much, she’s not in the mood for his particular brand of teasing at seven in the morning on a Monday.

She stumbles into the kitchen fully dressed and more than a bit disgruntled, needing the strongest cup of coffee available to get through her morning classes today. Cassian is already sitting at the island with his laptop, and raises his brows to see her up this early. He dares to smile at her before the sun is even fully up. “Glad to see you woke up ready to play, Nesta.”

Nesta almost throws her empty mug at his head. “Don’t talk to me,” she says, thumping her mug down beside the coffeemaker.

Taunting becomes questioning as he eyes her outfit. “You have somewhere to be at this hour?”

“I’m a law student,” she grumbles, punching buttons on the coffeemaker. “I have morning classes three days a week.” It’s unacceptable, but it isn’t the worst thing she’ll go through as she tries to get her J.D.

Cassian sits up straight at that. “Who’s taking you to class?” Her car is still in for repairs, and she has yet to rent one to make up for it.

“I’m Ubering,” she tosses over her shoulder.

“That’s ridiculous,” Cassian says. “I’ll drive you.”

Nesta spins around at that. “No way in hell.” She throws whatever bite she has into her refusal.

Cassian is unfazed. “It’s on my way to work.”

“You work from home.” He’s not even dressed.

“Then today is the day I’ll make a stop at corporate headquarters. My subordinates get to see my pretty face for once, you get to go to class, and we all win.” He grins, and in this moment Nesta truly hates his grin. It lights up his whole face in a way that should be illegal. He’s probably robbed banks with that grin.

Nesta doesn’t have the brain capacity to argue with him. She doesn’t even feel like criticizing the fact that at twenty-seven, Cassian runs the entire security division of Night Court Inc. thanks to the help of the CEO, also known as his adoptive brother.

She’s never met anyone who makes nepotism look so good.

Grabbing her steaming coffee mug and taking a deep sip, unflinching at the feeling of her tastebuds being burned away, she meets Cassian’s expectant gaze. “Get dressed.”

***

When Cassian texts to ask her when she’s getting out of class, she doesn’t expect him to actually show up outside the law building with drinks and a paper bag of food. She has to stop and glance around for a moment, as if he could possibly be here for somebody else.

Approaching him cautiously, Nesta takes the cup holder from his hand and inspects the contents. A green tea and a rainbow-colored slushie. She looks back up at Cassian, and he smiles. “Shall we?”

They end up settling under the shade of an oak tree on the lawn outside where her Principles of International Law class is held. “So how was your day?” Cassian asks as he bites into a burrito.

Nesta can’t remember the last time someone asked her that and sounded genuine about it, and she almost doesn't know how to answer. “It's noon,” she says.

“Fine. How was your last four hours?”

“Nothing more interesting than yours.” She eyes his outfit at that. She’s never seen Cassian in this manner. Work Cassian wears expensive buttondowns tucked into slacks. Work Cassian must use some kind of fancy product on his hair to make it so flowy, because for the first time ever, he looks exactly like the amount of money he makes. “You look so...adult. I’d almost buy it if you didn't have the taste palate of a five year old.” Nesta sips from her tea.

He actually rolls his eyes at her. “You wish you had what it takes to handle an every-flavor-slushie.” Because that's what he’s drinking, a heart attack in a 32 ounce cup.

“That's bait, and I’m not falling for it,” Nesta says through a mouthful of burrito.

“You don't need to.” He offers the drink out to her. “Try it.”

Nesta stares at the cup, chewing slowly. Usually the thought of sharing a straw with someone would disgust her, but—

She just wants to know how it tastes. Swallowing quickly, she grabs the drink. “Whatever,” she mutters, and wraps her lips around the red straw.

Cassian watches intently as she takes a deep pull. Ten different flavors hit her tongue at once, and she thinks her brain spasms. She's too tough to make a face, and swallows the slushie like it's nothing.

“You like?” Cassian looks hopeful.

Nesta slams the cup down. “It’s disgusting. My point was proven.”

He laughs. “Weak.”

More easy moments pass like this before he says, “I wish you came around Feyre’s more often. I could have gotten to know you earlier.”

Nesta stills, food halfway to her mouth. “What do you mean?”

Cassian shrugs. “It just seems odd that we’ve talked more in the last three days than in the last three years I’ve known of you. Why don’t you hang out with Feyre like Elain does?”

She stiffens, and considers whether the conversation is even worth continuing. “Feyre’s always with you guys,” she chooses her words carefully. “There’s rarely time left for me.”

She waits for Cassian to tell her that sharing exists, and that she’s allowed to be at Feyre’s place with Feyre’s friends at the same time, but he just watches her patiently. Waiting for her to go on.

“Besides, I used to come over all the time before my sister moved to Velaris. You were there, too.”

“I was?” That gets his attention; he drops his food and turns to face her fully. “What are you talking about?”

Nesta nods, but an odd, old feeling is bubbling up in her chest. It tastes hard and a little sad. “I doubt you noticed, but I was there. In the background while you guys got drunk or laughed together.”

He huffs an odd sort of laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous. I would have noticed you from a hundred foot radius from Feyre’s apartment. We’ve only seen each other twice before this weekend.”

Nesta is caught between disbelief and disappointment, but she hides it well with a scoff. “We’ve only spoken to each other twice, idiot. I’ve seen you plenty of times.”

Cassian looks like she just came up to him with scientific evidence that the sky is green and grass is blue, and he can’t wrap his mind around it. “That just doesn’t make sense,” he says.

Nesta raises a brow. “Are you implying I’m lying?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No, but— it’s like you’re saying I failed to notice a fucking lion in the room every time I didn’t see you. It’s just not something someone fails to notice. It’s impossible not to notice!” He throws his hands up.

You’re impossible not to notice. Nesta has no idea what to make of that, or whether she should be insulted or not. He didn’t say it with the same backhanded tone as so many of the people she knew in high school, but it didn’t sound like high praise, either. On the other hand, the words are so ironic they’re almost funny.

She settles for a shrug and begins sweeping up her napkins and trash. “Well, it isn’t impossible for a lot of people.” The look she throws him says clear enough, Including you.

He works his jaw, seeming upset, but helps Nesta up from the ground anyway. Walks her all the way back to his truck in near-silence and drives them home.

A/N: you’d think the ‘ready to play’ line was a cute reference but i actually just suck at writing banter so i needed to borrow from sarah.

tagging: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy

if you want to be added or removed please send an ask or dm!

#nessian #nessian fic #ncssianwrites #nesta archeron #cassian #a favor

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samwritesforyou · 4 years ago

Text

We’re gonna be okay

Diego x reader

Summary: You and Diego worked out a system for a situation if he ever comes to your place while being in the highest form of distress and needs your help. He assured you it won’t happen often. Until one night, it finally did.

A/N: i feel like i’ve read the whole tumblr dot com worth of diego x reader fanfics and yet i still wanted more, so the desperate need to finally write something myself has been fulfilled. i would actually love to take requests, so if you want, dont hesitate to message/ask me! im ready to write fics and headcanons :) (my blog might seem new but ive been on tumblr for years and years and i finally dedicated a new blog to mostly reader inserts, either my own or reblogging others)

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, gender neutral reader

Wordcount: 3,350

There was a knock on the door.

It was pretty late, but not too late for it to be Diego yet.

Or so you thought.

You got up kinda lazily from a comfortable chair you had situated in the corner of a room, at first designed mainly for reading or napping, but ending up doing absolutely whatever you could on the spot. Eating pizza, watching netflix, browsing through the internet after long working hours that you put in into your tiny art selling business.

You slightly opened the door and already plastered a semi-fake smile for a possible neighbor, but in front of you stood Diego.

Your dear friend, who was at the moment soaked from the rain outside, with big eyes, fast breathing and bloody hands.

Bloody hands?!

“Hello to you too, friend!” you said quite worried, quickly patting him down for signs of any physical pain. For the first time in a while he seemed fine, unscarred.

Your eyes finally went up, literally scanning his face but it was completely unreadable.

His eyes were wide and he looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him.

You looked down again and took his fists into your hands. His own palms unclenched and you could see that they were heavily bloodied.

“Diego.. whose blood is it?”

No answer.

You rushed him inside and closed the door behind the two of you, facing the damn vigilante again.

“Diego, I need to know who’s blood is on your hands,” your voice grew steadier as you knitted your brows together in worry and confusion.

Only then the guy decided to move his arms and you noticed how shaky he is. He connected his two index fingers in the form of a cross, pressing it to his chest.

Your own eyes went wide now as you stumbled back a few steps and your mind went blank.

You instantly remembered a night that happened a few years back. He has come in crumbling through your window and was obviously in some new form of distress, that you couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Diego?” it seemed like your voice didn’t reach his ears, so you tried calling out his name again, getting up from the couch and patting him lightly on the body, to determine any sign of an injury.

It looked like there was none, so you tried to reach his gaze that was somewhat absentminded, all over the place, scanning everything but not meeting your eyes.

He was a tough guy, and you knew it. You knew that if you want to get answers, you need to either get them yourself or make yourself heard, until he cannot ignore you any longer.

“Diego Hargreeves, what is going on?” your voice was soft yet determined.

His dark orbs finally stopped on your face and he just shook his head, his breathing oddly fast for a man who was just simply standing.

You continued to push. You didn’t have the best day either, and to be interrupted at 1am by his visit was nothing new, but you couldn’t let him have this behaviour. Even though you’re friends, that didn’t automatically mean that he could do whatever he wanted.

Throughout the whole night he didn’t say a thing, but when you started adding volume to your voice, he.. he just broke down.

That night, you’ve witnessed Diego experience a panic attack. Caused by yourself.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, even after you eventually calmed him down and the only thing that was left to do for you was to watch him sleep and slowly rubbing circles on his exposed arm out of the blanket.

It felt like neons before you noticed a first ray of sunshine drawing from the half-closed curtains, making you spring to your feet and drag your ass to the kitchen, trying to think of what to do for breakfast.

When you figured the recipe out and finished cooking, Diego was already up and joined you near the kitchen counter, next to which you had two stools.

He settled on one of them, looking at you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you couldn’t muster anything better, so you just put a plate in front of him and then sat next to his side, simply digging into your portion of scrambled eggs.

“About last night, y/n..” he drifted off, probably at first deciding that it’s better to fill his stomach a little bit.

In the meantime you didn’t dare to speak up and just waited for him to say something, anything.

When he finished his meal, he finally turned to you with a sigh.

“You know that one guy I told you ‘bout? That we.. we do some vigilante shit together from time to time?”

You just nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“Well. I guess I could count him as a close friend. You know.. and,” this was followed by a slight pause and clearing of the throat.

“He died yesterday. I couldn’t save him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up to Diego and all that vulnerability and hurt that you’ve clearly seen yesterday just overtaking him were completely gone. Now present only a strong facade that he mastered whenever he needed to hide from showing emotions. You hated it.

“Shit, Diego..” you spoke quietly and softly, all the words seemed to have left you in all the things unsaid in your throat. But you tried to continue.

“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for pushing you over the edge. I.. I didn’t know what happened so I just acted how we would normally do,” he smirked at that, merely for a second, but you still caught it.

“Look, I.. I know, “ he simply said and then it felt as if he was weighting pros and cons of telling you something else that was clearly on his chest.

“You always help me out. Every single night I come to you.. Why do you do it, y/n?” Diego’s eyes were steadily turned your way.

At the sudden question you raised an eyebrow, “well, I.. I care about you.”

He lightly bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away, clearly thinking about something really hard.

“Okay,” he finally said, “y/n, do you think I could ask you for a favour then?”

At that your eyes met and you felt nervous, for some reason.

You really liked him. Not just like a friend. But you understood that there probably won’t be a chance for you two to ever become a couple (mostly considering that you didn’t believe that he could feel about you this way), so you settled for friendship anyways, since you two really got along well.

And having this handsome tough guy as a friend? Damn, just that is already some kind of luck swinging your way.

But your feelings of course meant that.. you’d do more for him than what you’d do just for a friend. You would get out of your comfort zone just to help him with injuries or hear him talk about his girlfriend (at the time, now they were broken up) and how they argued so much that he ended up on the streets and didn’t really want to go to his lonely place at the gym.

And you took him in. You always did. And since the day you became friends you always care for him.

And you’d care now once again.

“What is it?” in your tone danced a question, troubled with what he might ask for.

“Well, yesterday-“ he cut himself from finishing and cleared his throat, starting over.

“I imagine we’re gonna be friends for a long time, right?”

You just pushed your brows up with a small nod in affirmation.

“I never had.. anyone, really, to help me with the states I often got into,” you immediately thought of Eudora, wasn’t his ex-girlfriend supposed to be his support pillar? Or is he just making you feel sorry for him-

“Or I didn’t ever trust anyone that much, you know,” oh, okay, that kind of explains that then.

“And I guess.. I trust you enough? To share this?” he talked quietly and mumbled a lot so you realised soon you won’t be able to hear him at all.

You grabbed his hands with yours and caught his attention this way.

You were never really touchy together, but occasional hugs and even holding hands was kind of a standard for you from time to time.

His eyes met yours again and you cursed yourself for your heartbeat getting faster. This is not an appropriate moment to get butterflies in your stomach, dammit.

“I’m listening, Diego,” you confirmed, nodding again.

“Okay. It’s- it’s just really h-hard to talk about this,” he stuttered a bit, but with the next breath continued again, “When there’s some situation that’s just completely fucked up, like losing someone close to me, or- or somethin’ else, I don’t know.. I finish what I need at the scene where it happened but when I come home I just,” he breathed some air in and you felt his hands squeeze yours a bit tighter, “I just break down, you know? Sometimes it’s just all too much for me and I don’t know how to deal with it and I would just wanna.. someone to hold me, I guess? Otherwise when someone’s trying to talk at me or somethin’ I just get even more worked up and it’s even worse.”

It all started to come together in your mind. Even though it sounded really strange to hear Diego talk about things like.. wanting to be held and shit. But you always guessed there’s a far bigger sweetheart and a soft boy underneath all those harness and knives.

You tried to pick your words carefully.

“So when I started to ask you shit.. You just flipped. Basically because I was talking at you a lot and you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”

He sighed and looked somewhere up, nodding bit by bit.

“Yeah, yep. That was it.”

You clapped at his hands lightly, to bring his focus back again and he looked at you and mustered a sad, faint smile.

You did the same. In the world you lived in, unforeseen and unfortunate events were happening left and right and thinking about his childhood and everything.. no wonders he developed such a huge reaction and coping mechanism to something catastrophic happening.

“That’s okay, Diego. I’m here for you, I mean it. Let’s just talk about some things what I should and shouldn’t do when you come here in that state, alright? I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you, y/n,” he was looking down now, the whole morning kinda failing to meet your gaze and just rubbed his thumb across your hand, which send you heart into a race again.

You slowly let go of him, making an excuse to go wash the dishes.

After a while you looked behind you where he sat and said, “We also need some sort of a sign that you can easily show me, since you’re not really talkative when you get like this.”

Apparently he already used said “sign” somewhere, because he had it on the ready.

It was his hands clutching in fists, index fingers crossing each other in a form of a cross, pressed to his chest.

“Something like this. But don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll happen often. That would be really sad,” he laughed a little and then looked at you somewhat longingly and you averted your eyes back to the sink, nodding.

You almost forgot about that and now it all come flooding back.

Something terrible must’ve happened. You were panicking, but you had to stay strong, for him.

He was still standing in your hallway, with a crossed index fingers pressed to his chest.

“Okay, okay..” you mumbled more to yourself than to him, taking his hands into yours and looking him up and down.

He really seemed.. disconnected. It was kind of scary and you tried so hard not to think about what happened. Or about who died.

“Here, come with me, Diego,” you led him by the hand towards your couch as he was holding onto you, but his usual grip was gone.

You both ended up on a sofa and you really didn’t know how to act around him now, because.. he didn’t talk, didn’t look at you but when he did, his eyes were wide and big and he just seemed suddenly like a small boy to you.

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, you thought and tried to smile a little bit at him.

“Okay. Can you get your hands up for me, baby boy?” You’ve decided to approach this situation as if you were just babysitting an overgrown child.

Because nothing bad happens to children normally, right? And if you kept thinking about him as usual grown man Diego, you’d lose your mind in the process, wanting to scream and shake him by the shoulders until he spills you what happened.

Being Diego’s friend pushed you to new limits each day, truly.

He didn’t bat an eyelid at your tone change and word choosing, just obliging and putting his hands up.

You helped him to get his knives down and put his black turtleneck over his head, so now he sat shirtless right next to you, hands still smeared with blood.

Goddamit the blood!

You took him by the elbows and lead Diego to the bathroom, where you helped to get the red out of his hands. At the sight of blood dripping down into the sink you deciphered a whimper from him, even through the sound of running water and looked up.

Diego couldn’t stop looking down at his hands and tears were running down his cheeks.

You quickly took his face into your wet hands from the water and forced him to look away and lock his gaze with yours.

“Hey, don’t look at it, okay? It’ll only make you stressed. Until I’m done you can just close you eyes, okay?”

“Oh-okay,” he said and just closed his eyes here and there.

You sighed and tried to finish washing his hands as fast as possible, cursing under your breath pretty often.

“I’m sorry..” you heard him mumble and when you looked up, his eyes were still shut.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about.. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, right? Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” you smiled as you were already wrapping his hands in a towel and his eyelashes fluttered, eyes opening.

You stayed looking at each other for a second longer than necessary, but then you already lead him away to the bedroom area, where you actually tucked him in, wrapping in a soft blanket and then rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a few cookies and then leaving it on a plate next to him on the night table.

You almost made yourself comfortable on the couch, when he suddenly called out your name from the bed.

You sprung to your feet, thinking he’s actually hurt but you didn’t notice or that- “Can you... stay with me? P-please?” he asked, disrupting your train of thought. You did expect this, but still felt really shy about that.

Diego is vulnerable right now and does need your help and presence though.

And there wouldn’t be anything you wouldn’t do for him.

“Sure,” and after this simple answer you carefully climbed in next to him covering you both with a blanket and he curled up closer to you, almost immediately falling asleep.

From one point of view it felt like you wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, but from the other one.. you actually fell asleep just as fast as he did.

To nobody’s surprise you woke up first and actually flinched at the sight of sleeping Diego inches from your own face.

Your mind went running with ideas what happened and what’s going on until you realised the real deal and your brain caught up to yesterday’s shenanigans.

It was a wild ride and you were thankful that now it’s - most probably - over.

Your eyes were subconsciously scanning his face, until you realised what you’re doing, but you didn’t stop even then.

You’ve never been this close to his face yet and now you could admire and explore every part of it.

Having feelings for a friend that’s laying in the same bed with you at the moment is really not the healthiest thing that could’ve happened to you, huh..

You actually froze and your heart started racing billion times faster when you realised that you have a weight of his arm around your waist, pulling you closer from his sleep.

He grunted and his nose was now in your hair, shuffling a little to get more comfortable.

You had no idea how to change positions, especially when being held by such a strong arm as his and you got a feeling like Diego might actually wake up just about now, so the best solution that came into your mind was to forcefully close your eyes shut and pretend that you’re still sleeping.

He did, indeed, wake up. You were suddenly pushed to the other side of the bed, arm disappearing from your waist and a waterfall of curses fell from his lips quietly.

You used up all your acting stamina to make a believable scene of you gaining your conscious from the deep slumber that you were obviously in, stretched your arms for a good effect and finally opened your eyes.

You immediately signed up for a staring contest as soon as you looked at him and smiled a little. His face remained unreadable but perhaps a little bit flustered?.. But you may be reading too much into it.

“Hi,” you said with a higher tone than intended and Diego just nodded at that.

You tried your luck by addressing the elephant in the room right away, you never liked ignoring the problems that were always looming over you, “care to tell me what happened yesterday?”

He drew a big sigh and rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

You couldn’t stop looking at him. At first because you really wanted to know the mystery, but the longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you’re just admiring the beauty that he holds, until his words fell like a dead weight right onto your shoulders.

“I found Eudora’s body yesterday. I couldn’t get to the place in time and someone killed her.”

What?

It felt like what he said was simply a trick of your imagination. You liked Eudora yourself, she was a very intelligent and an interesting person, you two often hung out and that feeling didn’t cease even after you found out that she and Diego started dating.

And even when they broke up some months after, you still found your way to spend time with her. So did Diego.

You wanted to cry, but thought that it might be insensitive towards him, because he was much closer to her than you were, so you tried to swallow your forming tears down.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Diego..”

“It’s your loss too, I know it, y/n,” he looked at you with much softer look this time.

“Come here,” he said a little bit hesitantly and opened up one arm towards you.

This was unusual, but maybe last night’s events tore down some walls?.. Who knows.

You almost threw yourself into his embrace and once your forehead rested on his chest, you started crying.

From everything, honestly. There’s been problems at work, your seemingly unrequited feelings for Diego didn’t help much either and now you learned that you lost one of your friends.

He started rubbing circles on your back, just letting you get those emotions out, while you two were hugging each other on the bed in your apartment.

And as you slowly started to calm down, he said a gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay”

#diego x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #tua diego #diego reader insert #the umbrella academy #tua fanfic #umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves #number two

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sarah-writes-marvel · 4 years ago

Text

Patchwork: Avengers x gn!Reader

S.S: Hey! Ive been pumping out stories today so I hope whoever reads them are enjoing them! Im not sure how I feel about this one... it was kind of just thrown together so please let me know what you think about it!!

The only refernce that may not be GN is Bucky’s nickname ‘Doll’, hope thats ok!

Warnings: blood, mentions of surgery, wounds, passing out.... idk what else...

Word Count: 1849

MASTERLIST

============================================

I stumbled into the opened gate of the quinjet, falling to the ground, rolling over just in time to put a bullet through the head of the last Hydra agent that had been chasing me through the foliage.

“Jarvis, close the gate.” I command, letting my head fall back against the metal flooring. The ache and exhaustion taking over.

“Gate is closed Miss. Should I pilot home?”

“Just give me a second and I'll be up to the seat. Gotta catch my breath.” I closed my eyes trying to keep my head from spinning, taking in deep breaths.

After a few minutes I moved to sit up only to feel a sharp pain shoot through my middle. I thud back down, my hand moved to the affected area feeling the sticky substance that coated my suit around the open gash traveling from my stomach to my ribcage.

“Oh ya, some bastard tried to filet me. Forgot about that.” My head lulled back, realizing that I’d have to do some patch work on the ride home just so I didn't lose more blood than I already had. “Hey Jarvis, can you take the wheel and get to the compound asap.”

“Of course.” With that the quinjet roared to life and jerked into motion.

I carefully rolled over, using my elbows to prop me up as I moved slower than a sloth to my feet. Managing to use the walls of the jet for support I made my way to the medical cabinets, taking out one of the various first aid kits, hydrogen peroxide and a few towels. I opened the cherry red box pulling out the sterile packaging containing a needle with medical thread connected to it and plenty of gauze and bandages. I grabbed the pair of scissors carefully gliding them through the fabric of my suit to get to the gash.

I grabbed the bottle of peroxide and haphazardly poured it over the gash soaking my skin. The stinging sensation was overwhelming, causing me to stop and lean against the table to regain some stability. The blood mixed with the hydrogen peroxide as it bubbled with in the wound, stinging sensations tickling the area.

“Alright, uh, if I pass out call Tony or set off the sprinkler or something.”

“The quinn jet doesn't have sprinklers.”

“Well damn. Nevermind then.” I look down at the sterile needle and thread that were encased in the package. “Here goes nothing.”

Getting stitches was never a problem for me. It didn't bother me at all, however I have never given myself stitches nor done it without any numbing medication. My heart was racing and the cut throbbed with each shaking breath I took.

“I suggest you sit on the medical table so that if you faint, you'll have less chance you'll injure yourself more.” Jarvis' voice breaks through my nervousness.

“That's probably a good idea.” I nodded taking a deep breath as I hopped onto the table. My shaking hands moved back to their previous position and pierced through the tender skin.

“Urhg! Son of a bitch!” I cursed, letting out a guttural cry, tears stinging my eyes. I pierced through the other side of the wound letting out the same guttural cry as I tied and pulled the stitch tight. I continued with another two stitches before Jarvis interrupted my panicked concentration.

“Mr. Stark and few of the Avengers are wishing to be patched through.” the A.I.’s voice broke through the overwhelming pain coming over my senses.

“Seriously right now?” I sniffed looking to the ceiling of the jet, holding the curved needle as still as possible, each movement tugging at the skin I had just pulled through. “Fine patch them through.”

“Hey Kiddo! Saw you were heading back. How’d things go?” Tony’s voice asked through the sound systems of the jet.

“Oh you know…. Fine.” I replied hesitantly as I positioned the needle to pull another stitch through. I bite my cheek trying to keep down the pained yelp as I pull the needle through.

“Glad to hear it! I assume you got all the files and information needed.” Steve inquired.

“Ya, ya got it all.” I could tell that my voice was shaky as I began to pull another stitch through. I let out a shaky breath as I tied the knot, taking a moment to regain my fading consciousness.

“You gonna need any medical care when you get home?” Bruce questioned.

“Uhm, ya, ya probably.” I replied pulling another stitch through, letting out a small pained cry as it tugged at the sensitive skin.

“How bad is it?” Bucky’s baritone voice reverberated against the jet walls.

“I’ve got no clue what you're talking about.”

“Y/N.” Bucky’s voice was stern, a no-no-joke- voice. “Tell the truth. How bad is it?”

“Uh Jarvis?” I asked, pulling another stitch through the skin, biting my lip to hold in the cry.

“Agent L/N has sustained a few minor injuries, however, managed to be on the receiving end of a knife. They enduring a severe cut along her abdomen reaching from their navel to the bottom two ribs. No internal damage, however the wound is bleeding profusely.” Jarvis read off my injuries.

“Why wasnt that the first thing out of your mouth?” Tony yelled, concern laced in his voice.

“Cause I’m doing my best to take care of it right now.” I replied, allowing the pain of pulling the thread through the skin resonate in my voice.

“And how are you managing that?” Steve asked in his serious Captain tone.

“I’m stitching myself up.” I replied meekly “You know we should really put some morphine into these first aid kits.”

“You’re stitching yourself up?!” Bruce exclaimed “Just put pressure on your wound, stop the bleeding. We’ll stitch you up properly here!”

“Yes sir.” I replied by pulling another stitch through, moving a little faster, eliciting more pain. I let out another guttural cry.

“Jarvis, how far out are you?” Tony asked quickly.

“20 minutes sir.”

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked, obviously concerned.

“Peachy Keen” I snap trying to take a few deep breaths keeping my head from spinning. Closing my eyes had little to no effect in calming my spinning vision. “So uhm there is a slight chance someone will be picking me up from the floor when I get in.” I stated hoping that one of the Avengers heard.

“Do your best to stay awake. We don't want to risk anything.” Bruce pleaded.

“I'll try doc but right now it's not looking too good.”

I continued to pull a few more stitches through, despite the protest from Bruce earlier. The pain rushing through my body, causing each and every sore area more pain.

“Jarvis, please tell me we’re close. I can't do any more.” I asked tiredly, the pain overwhelming my senses and darkness playing along my line of vision.

“Landing in 2 minutes.”

“Thank god.” I said moving from the table and standing, using the edge to balance as I waiver in my step. The wave of dizziness hit harder and the lightheadedness took over. My knees buckled as I held myself up against the metal table. The jerk of the jet landing caused me to stumble slightly and bump into the table, sending a wave of pain through my system.

Bucky and Steve were the ones to enter the craft quickly. Bucky was the first to get to me, Steve looking over his shoulder watching me.

“Jeez Doll. You really got banged up.” His words were incoherent as I started to drift out of consciousness.

“Mhmmm.” I murmured, too tired to talk. My eyes closed for a millisecond.

“Hey stay awake. I know you're tired but you gotta stay awake.” Bucky squeezed his arm around me coaxing me awake.

“Sorry.” I mumbled “You're just so comfortable. And Hot. Im freezing”

“It's because you lost so much blood. And because of that I need you to stay awake so we can avoid you going into a coma.” He insisted as he pushed through the lab doors.

I felt the cool metal of another examination table underneath me and the lack of heat caused me to shudder. Tony’s blurry face came into my vision as he looked over me.

“You should really work on your stitch work.” He joked.

“Sorry, was too busy trying not to pass out in between pulling the needle through my skin.” I said back, trying to be more joking then a snapback.

“Fair enough. But I hate to break it to you that we're gonna have to take them out and redo them.”

“I figured. But can you hurry up. I'm starting to see the darkness and the light at the end of the tunnel.”

“Don't go towards that. Its a lie.” He retorted as he moved into action, Bruce following in his footsteps.

The pressure of a IV being placed into my arm turned my attention to Bruce standing next to me, a grim look across his features. A bag of blood hung above me as it traveled through the tube into my veins.

The slight tug at my skin around the wound made my attention wander to see Tony cutting away the stitches that I had previously done. The sight made me nauseous and I turned my vision to the ceiling, focusing on the speckled design of the tiles. My vision blurring in and out, the noise of voices were muffled as tears slid down my face.

A cooling feeling drifted over my wound. I looked down to see perfect stitches and Tony spraying a white substance over the gash.

“What’s that?” I asked, my voice cracking as I watched the foam soak into my skin.

“It's a multipurpose antibiotic.” Bruce began.

“It’ll decrease infection and inflammation and increase healing!” Tony exclaimed, clearly proud about the invention. I just nodded my head as all the words jumbled together into an incoherent sentence.

“I think you're out of the red zone, so if you want to sleep you can. We’ll keep and eye on you.” Bruce spoke quietly.

“Can I be moved to a different bed, this one hurts.” I whispered as my eyelids feel weighed down.

“Ya, ya we can do that.” Bruce smiled gently. “Bucky do you mind carrying her into a different room?”

I saw Bucky nod curtly and he gently slid his hands under my back and knees, picking me up from the metal table. Bruce followed close behind with the IV stand holding blood and medications.

Bucky gently placed me onto one of the sterile beds of the medbay, tucking a warm blanket around my chilled body. Bruce situated all the machines before leaving the room. Bucky had his hand intertwined with mine as I drifted to sleep, moving his thumb in a rhythmic pattern over my knuckles.

“Thank you Buck.” I whispered as I drifted off.

“Not a problem doll. Get some sleep, you deserve it.” with that I gave him a small smile as I dozed off to sleep.

===========================================

S.S: As always let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading!!

#marvel #the avengers #reader insert #stever rogers #captain america #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #jarvis #tony stark #iron man #bruce banner #hulk #graphic #angst #fluff #avengers

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anne-white-star · 4 years ago

Text

Third doctor x depressed!Reader

Please before you read this x reader

Here is a link to a post with phone numbers to difrent suicide hotlines please stay safe and alive and remember you are important and loved!!💗💗💗

Words : 1847

Warning : attempted suicide, depression, drowning

A good ending with some Fluff enjoy reading

Being one of the doctors companions was something really great but somethimes she wanted to be more than just a companion. Y/n enjoyed being at UNIT most of the time and also being a secretary at UNIT was a verry important job. Checking papers and making sure everything is correct. But the past few months stress has been building up. Y/n somethimes missed meals or she din't sleep some nights. The others din't notice anything.

She sat wrighting at her desk when the door opend "Miss y/l/n" the brigadier walked in. "yes sir" she awnserd back. "I need you to come with miss grant, the doctor and i on a trip to Londen for a very important meeting" "yes sir i'll be right with you". The brigadier walked out and y/n grabed her bag with the things She would need. She sighed and walked outside the others were waiting in bessie. "Ready for a trip my dear" asked the doctor "yes i am" she nodded and sat next to jo in the back Seat.

*ariving at Palace of Westminster*

When they arived they all got out of bessie and walked to the doors to get in "miss y/l/n you come with me, doctor you and miss grant can go and explore we will see echoter again round 5 o clock". When the doctor looked at y/n he saw that something isn't right, but then it was gone again and he brushed it off. Y/n followed the brigadier to a room and start the meeting. "Miss y/l/n its so great to see you again" said one of the men who sat at the table, she gave a nod and sat down grabbing her pen and note pad to start writing.

The meeting went like normal all about politics, aliens the master and of course money. Y/n started to zone out. And then she snaped out of her trans when the brigadier spoke "i think its time to call this meeting to an end" The brigadier stood up And shook hands with the people at the table. Y/n put her stuff back in her bag and stood up as wel. She walked out of the room back to the doctor who was waiting for them they got the news they could stay at Buckingham palace where they would stay for the upcoming few days.

When they got there they got escorted to their room y/n had to try and calm her self down She sat down on the bed and hold her head in her hands looking down at the ground tears fell from her eyes. And then she heared a knok at the door "one moment please" y/n dried her eyes with her sleeves" she stood up and unlocked the door. When she opend it jo stood there waiting for her "Hey y/n i was wondering if you want to get dinner with the brigadier, doctor and me?" she said in a cheerfull tone "yeah sure" y/n gave a fake smile, jo looked at her "are you alright y/n? It looks like you have been crying", "im fine sorry i accidentally stubbed my foot and that hurt" she smiled again. "Alright i just want to make sure, so how about dinner". "Sounds good" y/n closed the door and walked togeter with jo to the dining hall.

When they got there the brigadier and the doctor were waiting for them y/n sat next to the doctor. "Hello my dear did you setttle in your room already?", " Yes i have it has a great view of the garden" she smiled. Then the food was served but y/n wasn't that hungry she picked at her food with the fork. "Is somthing wrong miss y/l/n?" Asked the brigadier. "No not at all im just not that hungry, i think im going to bed im extremly tired, good night". Y/n stood up And walked away from them when she was gone the doctor spoke "have any of you two noticed something off about y/n the isnt her self it seems". "Yes i have noticed it as wel, because when i came to her bedroom she had been crying" spoke jo "the only thing i noticed is that she's never in the break room when its time for some food or a drink".

Y/n was in her room sitting at a table Wrighting a piece of paper while tears fell on to the paper. It was a goodbye note. When she was done she grabed her jacked and walked out leaving the paper on her bed. Walking past the guards she asked them if they could let her pass. When she was out of the palace gates she started on her walk to the tower bridge. About 10 minuts later the doctor the brigadier and jo went to check up on her they knoked on the door but got no reply. It was locked and the doctor could not open it with his his sonic "jo do you perhaps have a hair pin with you" jo nodded and grabed the pin out of her hair "thank you dear" the doctor fiddled with the lock and then *click* they opend the door and turned on the light but she wasn't there. "Where could she have gone to" asked the brigadier while looking around the room. "Doctor, brigadier look!" Jo grabed the piece of folden paper of the bed and gave it to the doctor to read it. The doctor unfolded the paper and began to read it out loud.

"Hello doctor, brigadier and jo

If you read this note its the last paper that i will be wrighting in my life, things haven't been to kind on me while i loved working with and for you all. im sad to say that i can't do this anymore. I thought it would go away but unfortanetly it hasn't, please don't blame it on your self its my own fault for this.

Oh and doctor if you are the one reading this i have something to tell you but i had never the courage to say it, doctor i love you and always have, i wish i could have been more than just a companion but knowing i would die one way or an other i kept it to myself. Like i wrote before please don't blame yourself you are not at fault. Please remember that i love every one of you and please tell it to Mike and benton as well."

You will find me at the tower bridge

Sincerely

Y/n, y/l/n.

When the doctor finished reading he had a bad feeling in his chest. Jo had tears dripping from her eyes and the brigadier looked shocked he dint know that it was this bad. The doctor spoke "we have to find her we can't let her take her own life" he ran out of the bedroom and the others followed him, bessie was parked outside Lucky enough but they had to ask the guards to let them pass. Y/n was already at the tower bridge she was staring at the dark waters below her. She trew off her jacked and climbed on the side of the bridge. She looked up at the sky wispering words in the air. The doctor and the others were still on their way they were not far from the tower bridge "doctor look!" Jo screamed while pointing, the doctor looked where jo was pointing and they could see the figure of y/n stand on the side of the bridge. When they were almost there she jumped in the water.

When y/n was done wispering her final words she jumped. She felt the cold water toutch her body at first it was cold but then it was comforting and welcoming. Y/n dint have any oxygen left and let go of her last breath she din't strugle or try to swim upward she just let her body sink to the botom of the thames.

The doctor stopped bessie once they came to the place where y/n had jumped. they all got out and looked over the side hooping that she din't really take her life. Unfortanetly they could not see her. The doctor din't hesatate and took of his cloak and jacket "jo go and get some warmth blankets brigadier i need you to stay here and help me" jo nodded and ran away to get the blankets. The doctor jumped in to the water as wel he hoped there was a chance that they could save her.

Looking around he saw her lying between some water plants she was pale and her lips wer blue. The doctor knew that this isnt good. He swam to her body and took her in his arms. Swiming upward was not that hard for him, when he came to the surface he saw the brigadier standing there waiting for him. The brigadier trew a rope ladder over the side of the bridge. The doctor grabed it and put y/n her body over the side of his shoulder, when he was back on dry land he put y/n her head on his folded cloak and started to preform CPR. pushing her chest up And down and then pintching her nose close and repeat "comone now y/n please wake up don't leave us". But nothig happend. The doctor looked down in sadness tears dripping from his eyes, the brigadier never had seen the doctor cry. But they were caught off guard by the sound of somone coughing. Looking again y/n had been brought back from death trying to cough up the water in her lung, the doctor rolled y/n on her side and rubbed her back "easy now dear its alright" jo came running back with some warm blankets. The doctor took one and placed it over y/n her wet body. The brigadier also placed one over the doctor. "I'll drive" he stood up And walked to bessie jo sat next to the brigadier in the front seat while the doctor placed y/n in the back and sat next to her, the fell uncontious again next to him.

The next time y/n woke up she was back in her guest room, she had new warm clothes on and the doctor was sitting next to the bed on a chair "doctor?" Her voice was hoarse, he looked up at the sound of his name. "How are you feeling?", "cold but thats fine but why did you save me?". The doctor looked at her sadly "y/n why wouldn't we? You are important to us but also really important to me". Y/n looked at him her mind still foggy "i love you doctor" the doctor softly smiled "love you to my dear". "im still cold even while laying under these blankets". The doctor stood up And walked around the otherside of the bed he got in next to her "i hope this alright" he said while taking her in his arms. Y/n snuggled closer to him. "Goodnight doctor", "good night my dear" and they both fell asleep.

The end

#doctor who #third doctor #jon pertwee #3rd doctor #classic doctor who #classic who #x reader #third doctor x reader #tw sucidal ideation #tw suicude #3rd doctor x reader #reader insert #name insert #tw attempted suicide #jo grant #katy manning #brigadier lethbridge stewart #the brigadier #nicholas courtney

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jamaisjoons · 4 years ago

Note

(1/7) I'm sorry this is going to be super long, so if you actually answer this I'll be so thankful lol... idk how much experience you have in relationships and sexuality and whatnot but I just really need to ask someone about this and you seem super friendly and nice so I wanted to ask you, and if anyone else reading this ask wants to give me advice I'd love and appreciate that as well - I'll keep an eye on the comments 💜 So I've been in a relationship for over 5 years now. I want to preface

this ask is incredibly long and if therefore the rest, along with my response, is under the read more!

(2/7) this with saying that I'm not unhappy with my relationship overall. And I honestly do prioritize emotional connection over physical, but this is something that's been on my mind recently, especially since I started getting into reading fanfics and learning more about how diverse and explorative someone can be with sexuality. My current boyfriend was my first serious relationship so I never experienced anyone else sexually. And I know stories romanticize, dramatize, and exaggerate things

(3/7) so I don't expect that I should be able to experience my sex life exactly as its portrayed in the fictions I read. I've been generally content with my sex life with my boyfriend, while maybe not fully satisfied but content. But lately its been bothering me. I've always had a higher drive than him so I don't mind needing to... take care of myself most days and just have sex whenever he's up for it. (Although he gets whiny if I'm not up for it the day he is, which I guess is partly fair

(4/7) since there's only like 2 days a month I'm not horny lol). And I do tend to take quite a bit longer to uh... well, cum, than he does as well so I've never really taken any offense to him not trying super hard to get me there. Lately it has been bothering me though... he does give effort to it most of the time but gives up because he has trouble getting the right spots and/or it takes a long time (and yeah I chalk that up to female anatomy being more complicated than male so while it is

(5/7) disappointing, I excuse it because of that) But it bothers me because I feel like I try to push myself more to figure out what he likes and try different things out of my comfort zone more than he does for me. (i.e. I've recently started trying to get used to anal even though so far its painful and I haven't found pleasure in it yet because it's something he's always wanted to do). He also loves blow jobs and always wants one - kind of expects it and gets disappointed if I tell him I don't

(6/7) want to that day and sometimes (most of the time) tries to push it, even though I don't push him if he doesn't want to go down on me. I've more or less given up on trying to cum when we have sex, just kind of settled on enjoying it for a while and helping him and then finishing myself off after. I'll sometimes ask him to help afterwards, and he'll help with some stimulation like nipple play and stuff for a bit, but if he's already gotten his release I feel like he treats it like a chore.

(7/7) It's just been bothering me more and more lately. I'm worried about talking to him about it because idk if I'm just being needy or if he'll be offended or upset. And I don't really know how to fix it anyway so idk how to bring it up or any solutions to offer but since its been bothering me more I don't want to just leave it as it is. Do you have any advice for me? Also I'm SO SORRY for the novel and going probably too detailed into my sex life... I hope this wasn't bothersome or annoying!

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i’m gonna preface this with im not a professional and any advice i give is based on my own feelings and thoughts and based on experiences of my own and they won’t be the same as yours! please take caution reading/heeding any of my advice because really i’m not any different to you and i have no real qualifications for giving out sexual advice.

so honestly speaking, i have a fear of commitment and trust issues and as a result i don’t very often partake in committed relationships (i’ve been willingly and happily single for YEARS) - and my previous ones weren’t all that good either (my last two ended with cheating rip). but i’m happy to help in any way possible and it means a lot that you feel like you can speak to me about this!

Okay so, my first point is that sex is honestly diverse and yes its always mindblowing in fics, but in reality its not always the case. sometimes sex is bland, sometimes its really good, and sometimes you don’t really enjoy yourself (not in a bad or nonconsensual way, but more it doesn’t leave you as fulfilled as it could and it just feels,,,, meh for a lack of better word for it). that being said, considering you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and it’s your first and (i assume only? sexual partner) i can potentially see why its just been a case of contentment and not real fulfilment - especially, since it seems you haven’t really been communicating and taking each other’s feelings into consideration? well him more so than you.

Side point, he really shouldn’t be whining if you don’t want to have sex but as long as he’s not pressuring you into anything its fine - people tend to whine (i know i do sometimes too)

Okay so in terms of cumming, not everyone takes the same amount of time to cum. some really need lots of stimulation and stuff in order to really cum and others cum really quickly. its an individual thing - but you definitely seem like the former. That being said, just because you take longer to cum and the female anatomy is more complex (really its not t H A T hard) doesn’t mean he should give up - you work hard for him to make him cum and he should do the same for you. especially since you’ve been together for so long.

A lot of this seems that you’re actively trying more than he is (you’re not obligated to give him oral, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate and he definitely shouldn’t push it). In terms of anal, the human body is different from person to person and not everyone is wired the same. just because someone else enjoys anal doesn’t mean you will, and if it’s painful and you’re not enjoying it, perhaps it’s best to tell him to stop because you get nothing out of it. if he loves you, he’ll make the sacrifice even if he enjoys it (like you’ve been doing for him this entire time). If he’s cummed and he’s not actively wanting to make you cum - you need to call him out on it because it's not fair for him to orgasm and for you to work for it yourself. it’s downright selfish and bad sexual practices and more than anything its not okay and its not a healthy sex life.

I think my best advice right now is to actually talk and communicate with him. A good, healthy sexual relationship that satisfies both parties, can only and will only ever be possible through open communication. you’ve been together five years and you’ve said you’re happy with your relationship overall - which means that you’ve known each other long enough to openly communicate with each other about your likes/dislikes/things you want to try/how they can help. Thats the blanket one, but here are some things you can talk to him about:

In terms of making you cum - you know your body better than anyone else, so perhaps showing him what places are your erogenous zones may be an effective way. If you feel comfortable, sit in front of him and masturbate - show him what gets you off. Sometimes even have him participate - direct his hands to where you want him, tell him when something feels good, when something doesn’t feel so good. but communicate

Tell him that you always try for him and it’s upsetting and makes you feel unsatisfied when he doesn’t put in the same enthusiasm. in sexual relationships, there is compromise and sometimes you do things you don’t necessarily enjoy just as an act of love and care (one of my irls hated giving her boyfriend blowjobs but she used to do it because he enjoyed them and that's okay because she was willing to do it out of love. there were also things he compromised for her like how he never enjoyed wearing condoms because it didn’t feel as good but she didn’t want to go on birth control so he accepted it). There are clearly things you are willing to compromise on (anal) and so he should be doing the same for you

You’re both different people and have different sexual interests and what feels good for you. You should both put in effort to explore these together. Have an actual conversation with him - and if he doesn’t take your feelings, if he starts getting upset or offended, then that speaks more for him. but if he loves you, if he’s a good partner and boyfriend, he will actively listen to you and your feelings and try and understand them. without communication sex and relationships are nothing and you cannot be afraid to speak to him or not speak to him for fear of him reacting negatively.

also if he does reactively, maybe it’s worth considering if this relationship is worth going on with. sometimes people stay with each other because it’s all they know, because they’ve been together for a long time and they fear starting fresh. but that is not healthy. if something isn’t working, no matter how much time and effort you’ve put into it, it’s not worth staying and being unhappy and the best thing you can do is gather the courage to get up, leave and move on and find happiness somewhere else.

i think ? i’ve got most of my points across, but if there’s anything you need clarification on, please do feel free to message me again! but please remember my earlier disclaimer: i am in no way shape or form a professional and i have no qualifications in order to give you advice. these are just my thoughts/opinions/how i see things!!

anyway, i hope this helped! i’m so sorry it took so long to get back to you!

#solar feral asks #solar sex ed #asks #the nameless

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panda-writes-trash · 4 years ago

Text

-Formal Beginnings-

Synopsis: You’re a pro hero! You’ve been assigned on an undercover mission with a younger (Pre-UA teacher) Eraserhead. You’ve been in battle together before and you’re no stranger to each other. But having to dress in formal attire and infiltrate a lavish mansion full of drug dealing villains, wasn’t something either of you are very used to.

Word Count: 3,478

Aizawa has worked with you on a few jobs here and there when it was called for. But it was never anything like the task the two of you were assigned tonight. He was used to the quick capture and detain types of missions and they were what he was used to- this was way out of his comfort zone.

---

He sat in the waiting room, the two of you were called in at the last minute as something unexpectedly came up. It was briefly mentioned over the phone what you two would be doing but they were waiting on you to show up before giving a full briefing. It shouldn't be long- he lived closer anyway and had been up doing laundry and cleaning up his less than appealing apartment even if it was already past midnight. He could only assume the call had roused you awake. You had a decent grip on a sleep schedule as far as he could tell.

His suspicions were only confirmed when the doors slammed open to you coming hurriedly in with messy hair and pajamas with your hero suit half sticking out of your bag. He couldn't help but snicker seeing the loose pants covered with cartoon kittens- he never got to see you like this and he found it a bit cute. But he was quickly brought out of his thoughts as you came over and spoke.

“Have you gotten the details yet, or are we waiting on me?”

You were a bit out a breath, no doubt from the run here. He stood up and simply shook his head.

“I have an idea, but no. No details yet.”

He watched as you put your leg up on one of the chairs and balanced your bag on it as you rummaged through it pulling out a hair brush and frantically running it through your locks.

“Okay, good good. Just give me a second to get changed into my suit then we can go i-”

But you were cut off, he glanced up to see the police Chief Tsuragamae had joined them.

“Dont bother changing you two will have to be wearing formal wear for this.”

He glanced over to see your confused look as you set the bag down and placed your foot back firmly on the floor- this is the part that was briefly mentioned on the phone to him.

He sighed and shrugged.

“It's an undercover mission. They want us in formal attire.” He looks up at the dog. “And I dont think I'm the best person for this, especially without my capture weapon right?”

The nod of response causes him to huff. The thought of potentially getting into trouble without it didn't sit well with him. He wouldn't be able to protect you if it comes down to it and it gave him a bad taste. But he was sure there was more to the situation if he was specifically put on this job, so he waited for Tsuragamae to continue.

“We have been watching this group for a few months now, they’re not big but they seem to be pretty heftily funded- we’ve been able to detain a few of the thugs but their leader has a sort of teleportation quirk. Which is why we need you.”

He simply nodded in understanding now. Following the chief into his office with you alongside him as he proceeded to give visuals with his further explanation.

“Because of his quirk he has always escaped our men and it's only a few days before they start causing trouble again. They’re a part of the development of quirk drugs. We managed to track down and interrogate one of the people funding this group. The boss is hosting a party tonight for investors and potential future ones. I know you wont have your capture weapon, but that is why you’re plus one will be Miss Y/N here."

He glances over at you, your quirk has definitely been a helpful one in the past. Like his it wasn't very flashy, you had the ability to halt all movements of anyone you touched. Which certainly would help in detaining someone. You gave him a big smile, he was a little less worried now but still this was all a bit much.

“So what kinda dress did you pick out for me, it better not be too bright- god forbid if it’s orange.”

You spoke out causing the Chief to smile and hand you each bag and send you on your way. Having further information to your phones.

The both of you went into the police locker rooms together. He pulled out the contents of his bags and immediately grimaced.

“Oh come on you’ll look great in a tux!”

You were looking at him with a dumb smirk. He was a bit embarrassed, he hated wearing this kind of stuff. He preferred his usual loose fitting comfy clothing. He hesitantly took off the binds that were around his neck and comfortably sat on his shoulders.

“Just something im not used to is all- hope it doesn't restrict movement too much”

Once he saw you were turned away, he did the same. It wasn't uncommon for heros to change in the same room. Ones with the same agencies typically shared one common area, and after all they are professionals- just gotta keep it professional… he wasn't paying much attention as he changed into the monkey suit, buttoning the pants up and beginning to wrap the belt around his waist when you had gasped completely catching him off guard he almost spun around to look- but had just caught himself.

“Whats wrong- Are you decent?”

You were silent for a bit which had him a bit concerned but when you finally spoke he almost laughed.

“I really like this dress. And yes I am, I just need a little help with the zipper on the back.”

He rolled his eyes but at the confirmation he turned around- and wow. He did have to take a moment watching and looking you over as you admired yourself in the mirror. It was a tight fitting black sequin dress. It dragged a bit behind you but had a slit that had one of your legs sticking out with some matching black heels.

“You gonna stop ogling or what, we got a party to get to Eraser.”

He was snapped out of his thoughts and had a bit of a blush now but came over close behind you and pinched the top of the dress together and smoothly zipped it up.

“Sorry, hard to believe the same girl in baggy pajamas and ridiculous bedhead is the same one im looking at now- thought someone took my partner.”

You gave him a bit of a glare and he smiled- but as you turned around to face him and the mess he left his tie in you shook your head, grabbing the edges of his coat to pull him forward. And undoing the tie to fix it.

“At least your partner can properly tie, and we need to fix your hair too. You’re gonna look like a hoodlum going in with that rats nest- no drug investor is gonna look like that”

He was at a bit of a loss for words as you pulled him and started to fix what he had screwed up, though he didn't think it was that bad. But oh man, you were way too close for comfort, you were practically pressed up against him- and in that dress he could see right down-

He was startled when you pushed him down and he fell back onto the bench between the lockers and you started running your brush through his hair- this was too much. Even through the mess he was in he couldn't let this continue with how he was getting a few butterflies in his stomach so he waved you off.

“Calm down, I can fix it myself… Thank you though”

He had slicked most of it back and tied the top half up as well. Lazily, but still an improvement from before. He looked to you for your approval. Your thumbs up in response brought a slight smile to him.

You two went out the door into the unmarked police car, he opened the door for you before getting in on the other side. The both of you looked over the further details that were sent to your phones. Up until you pulled up to the gate with a large mansion in the back, he got out with you in tow.

“Shota, When I think of villain bases, I think of spooky underground cellar types- not, well, this”

“On a first name basis now?”

He watched you a bit confused, you two were a bit close but he doesnt think you’ve ever called him by his first name before.

“What am I supposed to be calling you Eraserhead around a whole bunch of villains?”

You had a point and gained a chuckle out of him nodding. He was surprisingly a lot less stressed about the whole thing compared to earlier. He's sure that was gonna change at some point. But for now it almost felt like he was taking you on some sort of fancy date. He wouldn't mind something like that, he'd even be willing to get dressed up like this.

You had wrapped your arm around his and walked in unison to the guard standing before the door. Aizawa had given the man the name of the man the police detained and it seems there was no issue as his name was checked off the list, and they were quickly checked to make sure they weren't harboring any weapons before walking in.

He looked down at you as you both looked around and took the place in, “Well Shota, I certainly wasn't expecting it to be so nice here.”

“It's probably how they get funding, put on a pleasing image and you get more backing. They think they know what the group’s doing and find it to be a safe investment.”

He glanced down beside him to find you looking up at him- he quickly looked away and continued.

“Well, lets just blend in till we find our guy- then we can make a plan and try to get him secluded… so-” he rubs the back of his neck, “care to dance?”

You were clearly a bit taken aback by his words where he was almost going to take it back and act as he was joking.

“I didn't think you could even dance, I would love to.”

He sighed a bit in relief and took your hand as he kept his voice low, “not well, but I know enough of the basics.”

So he did, he took your hand and led you out to where other couples were dancing. And held you close while staying in rhythm to the music, started swaying. It was a good place to be after all, they were in the center of the large ballroom and were able to look around to see the target.

He was actively looking around up until you decided to rest your head against his chest as you danced. He wanted to scold you for being unprofessional, but he couldn't deny the fact that he liked the feeling too much to tell you to stop. And with the spinning pattern everyone was dancing in he was able to get a clear view of all the room anyway, no reason to ruin the good time yet. Instead he kept his hand on the small of your back and kept you close.

He did struggle to keep focus, he found himself glancing down at your frame against his more than he cares to admit. But always snapped back to it, you had a job to do after all. He barely was able to spot the man standing on one of the balconies watching the crowd, the target.

“Y/N.”

…

“Hey, Y/N!” He hissed and it jossled you a bit.

You were clearly zoned out, and having been enjoying yourself maybe a bit too much. Though who could blame you.

“The targets on one the top balcony, back by the east wing. He seems to have 3 body guards- with one going out and returning every few minutes. We should go while he's alone with them- It’ll make this a lot harder when he decides to join the party and he's surrounded by dozens of people”

Aizawa made his way with you off the main floor, before simply giving you a nudge

“Are you alright?”

You gave a nod in response.

“Yeah, sorry, it's just been a while since I've ever danced with someone proper like that. I wont zone out again, don't worry.”

He smiled, having made up his mind on his thought from earlier.

“Well, I don't think I’d mind taking you out on a fancy date like this. Ya’ know, when our lives aren't on the line.”

Your head practically snapped up to look at him. And once again immediately regretted the forwardness- it was a bit out of line. You were partners, but not in that sense

“I-”

But before he could even start apologizing you got this giddy grin that made his heart skip a beat.

“Are you serious?”

“Well- I mean, yeah.”

He watched as you hummed. “I think that sounds very nice, a fancy night out on the town and some relaxation would be good for you. You're starting to become more of a hermit everytime I see you.”

He rolled his eyes. It wouldn't be for him, if he had to choose a type of date it would be lounging at home watching a movie and then a nap. But the thought of getting to see you in a dress like this again did get him excited.

He could talk about it more and defend his hermit status later, as the two of you were already at the top of the stairs and he motioned for you to be quiet. You both made your way down the hallway up until you stopped and hissed- he was worried something was wrong until he saw you leaning against the wall and taking off the heels.

“The damn clacking-”

He chuckled and nodded in understanding before spotting one of the guards standing outside the door. If only he had his capture weapon, it would've made easy work immobilizing all of the guards. He tried to think up a plan for a moment- but was drawn out of it by a pair of heels being placed in his hands for him to hold onto as you had stepped out into view. It made his anxiety shoot up for a moment- but hopefully you had a plan since you had revealed yourself.

The guard spoke first. “Hey lady, you're not supposed to be up here.”

Shota sat where he was still hidden but watching, the guard clearly didn't see you as a threat yet which was at the very least good. But what were you planning that you couldnt tell him first?

He watched as you- stumbled?

“H-Huh- what me? I'm just- trying to find the bathroom- couldn't find one anywhere I swear-”

You gave a hiccup, oh my god were you pretending to be drunk? It wasn't a bad act but he was still confused. He watched as the guard looked around a moment not seeing anyone did he smile at Y/N.

“Ah Miss you’ve gone all the wrong ways- why don't ya’ let me take ya’ don't worry yer’ in safe hands.”

Shota grimaced and felt a bit sick, how disgusting and low men could get. So far to try something even while on the job. And just thinking about a man taking advantage of you made his blood boil.

But as he put an arm around Y/N the conditions were met for her to activate her quirk and he finally saw what she was going for as the guy went stiff as a board as every muscle in his body locked up, jaw and tongue included so he couldn't speak.

You slipped out from under his arm and made your way back to him with a pleasant smile on your face.

“I think my acting is pretty up there ain't it.”

He wasn’t very amused by the whole thing, “you could've at least told me you know, could've done something better than playing a drunk victim.”

“Got the job done didn't it. Only two guards and the target to go right?”

He sighs, you had a point. It just didn't sit well with him and gave him a sour taste. He gave a nod as he looked at the door, the three should be just on the other side.

“Alright I got an idea.”

---

He explained to you quietly and swiftly. That this had to be an instant take down. Otherwise they risked the chance of alerting the others in the building, and that would make things a mess and the target would probably instantly escape. He had to use his quirk on the boss instantly otherwise it was game over. The entrance to the balcony was a double door opening outwards, each of you would hide on each side. Make a noise and as they came out to investigate, you each would pop out. He would use his quirk on the boss on the balcony and deal with his guard the old fashioned way. You would use your quirk to stun the guard and bolt and do the same on the target before they had a chance to call for help. It was simple enough and straight to the point but he thought it was the best option given your circumstances. When you had eagerly nodded in agreement you both took your places to the side of the large oak doors.

He gave a final nod to you and you returned it. He picked up the pair of heels he’d been holding and wasted not a moment more to toss them in front of the door, the hard plastic making a loud enough clap against the tile floor that it was only a few seconds before the door hesitantly opened and the two guards peered out guns drawn. It was time to go.

He sprung out along with you. A little bit further to get a view of the boss in the back, his hair going high as he made sure this guy wasn't going anywhere. But there was also the gun in his face he had to deal with- good thing you caught them by surprise, they weren't ready to pull the trigger. He bobbed to the side and with a swift movement popped the bottom of the guys jaw with his elbow. He dropped his gun and before he even hit the floor you were already on the target and had locked up both of the men.

He gave a sigh of relief, but quickly helped you move the men off the balcony before you had any peeping eyes overseeing the catastrophe.

“It's nice seeing you get physical- most times I see you its just all about manipulating that scarf of yours”

“What, didn't think I’ve had combat training?”

He raised a brow looking you over, your quirk really was amazing and it came in handy on many occasions. Now especially since he can't deny someone's quirk for more than a few minutes at most. Yours lasted hours.

He pulled out his phone, “Im gonna call the chief, we got the guy they wanted. The force can come in and wrap the rest of this up.”

You simply hummed in agreement as you picked back up your heels slipping them back on, your feet were getting cold simply standing on the polished tile.

---

Before you knew it Tsuragamae had waves of armed police flood the building. And since the security in this place made such a point of disarming the guests, there wasn't much of a struggle. And the target was quickly carried off into custody.

“I’d say that was a mission success!”

He looked over at you as you both sat on an outside bench. His overcoat wrapped around your shoulders, it and your hair swaying gently with the breeze as you swirled and sipped off a champagne glass you had grabbed amongst the chaos on the way out.

You both sat in silence watching as police came in and out of the building with bundles of the party guests, sticking around just in case there was a need for your assistance.

But since you both were simply waiting, he smiled as he thought he’d bring up a bit of conversation. Shifting his weight and leaning over some.

…

“So how about that date?”

#Aizawa #aizawa x reader #eraserhead #my hero x reader #my hero academia #eraserhead x reader #shota aizawa

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taracottta · 4 years ago

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Reversing 29 years of self-perception

About a year and a half ago I decided to start my active journey of self-love, acceptance, and perception. I was tired of getting down on myself, putting myself down, letting my self-esteem hold me back from living my life, and attaining a self-image that really isn't realistic for me. The first thing I wanted to tackle was my health. I started lifting weights at the gym with my friend. It was really mild, we didn't do much, but just the act of going to the gym with my friend was a start. We all have to start somewhere!

As I started to become more active, I started to take friends up on their offers to go hiking (something I didn't want to do prior due to thinking I was too fat and out of shape, and lazy). One day my friend asked if I wanted to try Orange Theory. At first I was SO hesitant. I looked it up and saw that part of the circuit is to run on the treadmill. HELL NO. I still had PTSD from when I went running crazy and would run for two hours a day on the treadmill when I was in high school. After that I just told myself, running isn't for me and thats that. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go. I know this sounds dramatic...but that day changed. my. life. I remember some of their beginning questions. “Do you work out often now?” Maybe 3 times a week. Hows that working out? At this point I looked at the guy thinking fuuuuck youuu what kind of question is that. But I was just being defensive because...It wasn't working out. I was at the heaviest I have been. Ever. I mean I felt better for going to the gym, but I wasn't getting the results I wanted. Then he asked me, “What are your health goals? Do you want to loose weight?” & part of my self love journey was to change the way I thought about loosing weight. I made a conscious decision to not aim for “loosing weight” I understood that being healthy was a lifestyle change. To have a goal to loose weight is not having a goal to change my life style. So my goal became making myself feel strong and healthy. And that has been my goal ever since, and still is. I hated EVERY minute on the treadmill when I took my first class. For all 30 min, I flooded my brain with negative thoughts and feeling angry that I agreed to come to this stupid class. When the class was done, I immediately signed up for an unlimited membership. I felt a high I haven't felt since high school. I felt positive, I felt optimistic, and I thought HELL YEAH, I can come here three + times a week! The negative thoughts and feelings that I experienced was the result of me being pushed out of my comfort zone. I resisted it mentally but decided that since I was already there, I might as well kindaaa try. But the endorphin high I received after quickly help me realize that I DID IT, and I can do it again! Lizzo also became a huge influence when she started rising in fame. I didn’t know about her before. I’m one of those mainstream junkies. Anyway. I read an interview where she explained the origin of “Truth Hurts” the break up song of the year. She explained that she wrote that song by going to her producer and venting about a recently failed relationship. He put her rant with a beat and there it came. She said it was a dark time for her, filled with self-doubt and depression, and yet she came up with an empowering song that helped millions of women lift their spirits when they did doubt themselves because of a failed relationship. I read that interview in awe thinking how crazy it is that someone can be at the darkest point in their life and produce the most empowering and inspiring songs. When she would speak at her concerts (I’m going to be dramatic again but its true), I would literally listen to her speeches and cry tears of happiness and love because of what she was saying. It really touched me so deep down into my soul and I want to say that has been a HUGE reason why I have been able to come so far in my self-love journey. I saw her, a big, beautiful woman. I didn't think she was fat, I didn't think she was unhealthy, I saw a beautiful woman full of confidence and purpose and I wanted to exude that same energy. That is when I truly started to look at my body and accept it for what it is. Before this, I have always wanted to get back to how I looked when I was 16. I finally realized, that is an unattainable goal, and thats okay. I was so unhealthy during that time. I counted my calories, I exercised every day with no break. There was a point that I was so obsessed, I would only eat 3 100 calorie yoplait yogurts a day and drink 3 5 oz wanters a day in attempts to not put on water weight. If I wanted to eat unhealthy food, I would chew the food, and spit it out without digesting it. THAT IS CRAZY. I was starving myself of food AND water. I never want to get back to that. That realization helped me with my relationship with food. I want to eat food that is helps build my body, is tasty, and I enjoy eating. I want to enjoy my food and I also want to eat food that helps me feel strong. So I do that. I eat healthy food. But if I want a fried chicken sandwich, I’m going to get it. And because I won't go on a strict diet my body will not be what it can be, and I’m okay with it. I like the body the way it is now, and am fine with sacrificing a banging bod, for being able to enjoy food when I feel like it. This is my life and these are my priorities. A year and a half later, I feel I have come so far. Yes I’ve lost weight. Don't ask me how much, because I don't know. I don't want to live my life by the scale like I did at the peak of my eating disorder. But you know what I have noticed? I feel stronger, I can do more things without struggling or getting out of breath, I can push myself further. When I run on the treadmill in OTF and I am able to bump up my speed or bump up my incline without taking a walking break I feel STRONG, and I feel ABLE. One of our coaches likes to say “Your body is capable of SO MUCH” and it “it is a privilege to move!” and, it is! Some people are not able to do everything that most of us are able to do, and I shouldn't take that for granted. I shouldn't dread getting out of bed in the morning to go exercise. I should be eternally grateful that I get to move. Some people don’t have that luxury, and sometime in the future, I will be able to less than I can now. I shouldn't waste my time now, while im healthy and able. I am so happy at where I am now. I feel solid, I feel strong, and I feel like I can do more. Even though we are on our second shut down, and our state has robbed me of not only my physical escape, but my mental and emotional escape, I will push myself to exercise, I will continue to keep going and do more. I have come to terms with what my body looks like and I am starting to not just, be okay with my body, but to love my body. I have come so far but have so far more to go. Loving yourself is a life long journey and I hope you all are on your way to the top.

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princesspuddle · 4 years ago

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im.nervous about tomorrow, i feel sick and sad and idk what to say tomorrow :(( no body to tell, ask, brainstorm or anything, i wish i could tell people but it just feels pointless and like weight on people. While im happy to keep it to myself im also unhappy to. I read back my old letter today and in the note section about who to go to when i need help was a name i can no longer go to help/talk to for and it made me laugh a bit, i also told them if im ever in a crisis he is the only one they can contact that i trust. And this was less that 6 months ago.. im just trying to think of my future self and that what im feelikg right now, going through and healing is all so i can be completely finenin the future.

The only times it crosses my mind is the small things id be doing in the day where id probably message him what im up to.. other than that i feel like nothings changed.. its almost more sad this way because im trying to think of how the relationship was actuallu adding anything different to my life..

Im struggling with getting tasks done right now.. the same as in the relationship

Im not getting physical attention.. i wasnt in the relationship either..

Im not inspired to be healthier in my food/excersise.. i wasnt in the relationship either

Im not super encouraged to attain personal and futute goals.. i wasnt in the relationship either.. or it felt more like that was a cursed topic.

I dont feel majorly unwanted because i didnt feel super wanted in the relationship either.. if anything, this is more uspetting me writting this right now. What has changed? I feel the same, better, most days. Now i am just having to be self reliant, like i always was. But with less depressive feelings of being in a co-partnership and not being equal supported.

It was hard and draining.. i feel like i was always giving and giving and it was being taken and taken at no consideration of my expense. Im proud of myseld because i did ALL of that and still was strong enough to push myself as well. I felt like a duplicated mother and not a girlfriend, bringing meals to his lap, asking if hes saved money, planning what we do...there wasnt much in it for me, just being taken from all the time and for the most part didnt get appreciation either.., i feel like i was the one to tell him everything, he never asked about my finances, savings together for holidays or life, even working on my website, he never asked to see, only when i completed it and showed him. My uni grades, mental state, if im eating fruit.. i get it if i was too much sometimes, but at least you had me there for you in all capacities of your life, i was truly trying to look out for you everywhere, to help everywhere, personal progress, physical health, mental health, finance, living, future plans, dates, long distance dates, calls, texts, plans when in person, fixing your forgetfulness, fixing your lateness, EVERYTHING

Im angry because if i had recieved equal and mutual support, i feel like i would have been more amazing than what ive tried already, but even now im still only dipping my toes in things, and im.imagining the feeling of being inspired by a partner, the boost in life it would give me, not having everyhting be so serious, laughing at mistakes together, taking a plunge together, and the feeling of that person trying their hardest to get themselves to a situation where they could access me easier, both of us.. even after saying you were hopeful for our future and i mentioned how id need to live close to someone, you kicked off at me and wouldnt dare consider looking outside of the city.. it hurt because i wasnt TELLING you what to do. I hoped that you would understand ina relationship you would wwnt to be close to the person.

I felt like you were just waiting for me to do everything.. i didnt feel like you were even considering the thought of living with me after my 3rd year because it would be easier for you to wait until ive figured it out and plan it. I kept thinking as soon as i finish id be the one looking for flats and trying to scramble it together so we can be close, while he sits and just lets me do 90% of the work. That vision used to make me so upset that i just wanted to grab onto any thread of feeling he would give me that he wants to live with me soon, more than a 'yes i do'.. but everytime i wanted to talk about it there came a sigh, a hastle, a tone of voice that made it sound like such a huge dent in the evening, that it was always a 'Yess YESS I GET IT' and always put off.. the time was coming really soon and i was so thinly holding onto the idea that living with me would make him see life with me differently, and it took so much for me to emotionally bear with the fact that this person could barely show an interest in any aspect of a mature life together. This person that would say they love me and truly feel connected with me and in every card would write how we would always be together.. sighed and left the conversation everytime i wanted to chat about it. I was ready to move onto the next chapter of my life with you, and while.i know you were having it rough and going through things and wanted to figure things out. I didnt see you wanting to make effort for you or me, i was in limbo on my future, i was ready to adjust and put things aside and compromise for a relationship as you should. But i was so scared of these compromises i was making at the expense of myself, for someone who wasnt making any for me.. i dont know when this started happening... i dont know if this just is your personality and i was invested in what i thought would fit for me, but it feels like all of this is because of university. That the year you left, it all went downhill, innmy eyes became severely depressed, addicted to videogames and numb to a lot of the world including me. Events happened in your life after that and it piled on top until yoi just shut off everything. I wanted to support you throigh it and im so sorry these things happened.. i know i could have dome better for you but i had to keep myself up too and i was so prepared to do that for a long while to see you get better, i was still ready until the night we split. I have spent time thinking if he finished uni would it all be different? Would he be in a job he loves? Would he have gone straight into moving out getting a car and us being happier straight away? Im confused as to if all this time i was just tryint to squeeze you into someone who would be a suitable match for me, or if you really were just having a rough time and will be happy and everything i could have wanted once you feel better and are no longer suffering?

I dont think you ever told me what you want.. i feel like from the beginning you always knew i was adventurous and a big dreamer, but you never opposed to those things or made it seem like its not the life you want, but if in fact you only dream of having a decent job, not living far from home with a few holiday a year, a small family and a homey wife then why wouldnt you make thay clear to me sooner? You never said that either so how would i know if i was pushing you too far.. even to this day i dont know what he wants.. my biggest dilemma is "hes unhappy right now and thats why he is the way he is about us, or its just the way he is and hes unhappy because im pushing my vision of us too far"

The biggest thing that hurt was the feeling of how much of a struggle it felt like to talk about living together.. thay our dream since we started dating was to be with eachoyher fulley one day.. and we got so close and i no longer felt you wanted that.. it just felt like we had been building up to this moment, part reason i came 5 hrs away from home yo uni was so i could be at one closer to you, but the uninterested tone in your voice when regards to you moving slightly out of your comfort zone to be with me hurt so weirdly like id never expect... it hurt because i keep wondering how you were going to move and live in japan for the most part of a year, but with me a bit further than your city.. its too much.. :((

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what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me · 6 years ago

Note

Consider: Danny Phantom and Laika, the space ghost dog

Sorry this took me so long to answer, I was sick for a while. But anyways. You. I like the way you think. Hey Anon, I don’t know who you are, but you have earned my undying love. I want to, will, and already have married you.

I have so many emotions after I considered this and really, I can’t help myself when it comes to screaming about space. So here are my considerations (also shhh im ignoring some science facts for the purpose of telling the story)

Also, please take a look at this wonderful art made by the lovely @wolfsongroar because it inspired the ending to this drabble

Danny didn’t exactly remember how or when he first heard of the dog.

He had been young, a little innocent kid so easily starstruck by anything dealing with the idea of space. The kid often went on conquests for information and his parents were always too happy to help their future little scientist. It was probably a children’s book or magazine. He recalled learning the name of the first satellite put into orbit - courtesy of Russia - Sputnik. He learned of Sputnik II, the famous vessel that brought the first animal into orbit.

At the time, the young Danny Fenton knew there was a dog but something bad happened to it. The article was put into simpler, glorified terms aimed for a younger audience, essentially saying the dog died peacefully after a week in space.

The reality of what happened to the dog - Laika - didn’t escape his sharp mind. But young Danny Fenton didn’t quite get the concept of death quite then. Such an idea terrified him, and the poor little compassionate soul was scared for the dog.

The memory of crying in his parent’s laps while having death explained to him was gone but never quite forgotten in the flurry of childhood.

At age fourteen, he became painfully familiar with the concept of death. It still terrified him. This was a memory that was always haunting the edges of his every thought.

It was the push of a button that changed things for Danny, and he would never forget.

He was panicked, a bolt of something stronger than anxiety took over Danny’s being. He wanted to run. Strange sounds, strange lights, and strange sensations were too overwhelming. Try all he wanted, but Danny couldn’t move.

His muscles were seized in a literal death grip on a piece of loose wiring. He touched it by pure chance and now he was wishing this jumpsuit was made of some sort of insulator. An incomplete circuit or some broken wiring, that was the problem with the portal, he realized just too late. The electricity caused all of his muscles to seize, he couldn’t move. Now his body was at the mercy of his environment. Hell, the electricity was probably cooking his body as he stood there.

His heart hadn’t even been beating when a bolt of pure ectoplasm had hit him in the back of the head.

Danny’s mind had been moving a mile a minute as it happened. Everything was too hot, the air was a coarse poison. At least the sparks were pretty, they remind him of the stars.

CRACK.

Nothing had been the same since.

He obsessed over things. He was always depressed or tired or angry or on the verge of tears. He scared everybody (intentionally or not) he knew and they now bend over backwards as to not set the ghost off. Even dogs were scared of him.

This lost, tainted taste of humanity made him upset. This was nothing he wanted.

And on nights like this, when he wished he wasn’t some sort of half breed that shouldn’t exist, he liked to distract his mind and dwell on happier times.

He was reading something online about Laika.

And it wasn’t a happy or valiant story as that children’s book portrayed it to be.

Newspapers and other public sources of the time said that the dog lasted a week and went relatively peacefully. Later on, the actual details were released. The reality was the dog was alive in Space for a few hours at the most.

And now Danny knew it was far from peaceful.

That fact made Danny’s heart hurt. It made his core ache in sympathy.

Laika had been a stray they took off the street, trained to stay in tiny spaces, undergoing various tests that astronauts go through. A ship was no place for a dog.

Something went wrong. She quickly died of stress. She quickly died of overheating. The scientists didn’t expect her to last more than four days in the first place. She had been left completely at the mercy of a cruel and unforgiving environment.

And maybe he was grasping at straws, but Danny couldn’t help but to think of how similar his own death was.

He cried.

Space was an interesting place.

It was terrifying, cold, eerie, beautiful and peaceful. It seemed to be too much to describe or handle, it always contradictory.

He loved it

And Space always had an interesting effect on him - namely his ghostly mind.

The first time he visited had been due to an accident with a new teleportation power. And that was one of the few accidents that lead to some good in his life.

Space made his ghost half feel… completed? There was no good word for it. That place brought back a childish happiness that he thought had been long dead, it felt good. The ghostly parts of him that liked to obsess Latched onto this and made him visit as often as he could.

Later he would find out it was because of his last thoughts. Years later, Danny would find that he couldn’t exactly recall his last thoughts, but if they were about Space then it didn’t surprise him.

Danny had a small collection of souvenirs going, which also made his ghost half happy. A few space rocks he thought looked neat, two tiny bolts, and a piece of a broken solar panel.

The space junk as interesting. Though hard to come by in the sheer enormity of Space, he loved to look at it and for it. One of Danny’s favorite fun facts was of a spatula being lost in space. He would love to find it one day.

Sam and Tuck compare his new collection to that of a bird who collects shiny things. He tells them to shut up.

And while being up there makes him happy, Danny still feels somewhat unsatisfied. At the end of the day, he still has to return home before curfew and he still has to deal with being inhuman. Half the time it’s like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches. It’s like going to Disneyland when you have depression.

Looking at the trash at leasts gets his mind off of things.

It was by pure chance he stumbled upon another ghost in Space.

He was initially lured in by wreckage of a cone-shaped satellite (or capsule? He wasn’t sure what was a better word for it). But oh wow… he hasn’t come across anything quite like this yet. Fascinating! When Danny’s mind became fixated on the celestial trash, he manages to forget everything, just for a bit.

The contraption is larger than him, and he isn’t sure of what to do with it. His mind not-so-helpfully offered the idea of taking it home. That wouldn’t work. Probably. Maybe he would try it but he needs to know more first. The cold metal surface seems to have been worn down by the (nonexistent) environment. He flew closer, maybe there would be some identifying mark.

The last thing Danny expected to happen was for his ghost sense to go off.

The innocent wonder and fascination were gone in a snap. Back were those guarded and aggressive fighting behaviors that he associated with cold lungs. He was unsettled. This was supposed to be his little safe place, no ghosts should be here. After glancing around and seeing nobody, his stance dropped by just the slightest bit.

His eyes were once again trained on the satellite in a suspicious, untrusting gaze.

Something in the back of his mind was itching, though. Despite himself, Danny’s suspicion was melting away into something akin to thoughtfulness and curiosity. It was the satellite. Maybe the Itself vessel was a ghost? Concepts, possessions, and structures have the potential to crossover into the Ghost Zone and be classified as undead. In this case, he doubted that theory.

A satellite with a ghost on it?

He finally touched the cold metal, not really affected by the temperature. He wished there was sound in space, though. The action felt incomplete without some sort of thumping noise. Nothing happened. He further hesitated before phasing his head in near the top, his personal otherworldly glow lit up what he saw. Wires and electronics. Lovely. He continued to slowly work his way down, marveling at the technology.

On some level, Danny knew it was coming. Regardless, the boy wasn’t prepared for when he came eye to eye with a starry ghost dog.

Both ghosts were transfixed.

Danny didn’t even realise he had phased a hand in until the ghost dog had gotten up from a resting position. But the halfa’s eyes gazed to the floor of the small pod, past the legs of the ghost and to the mess on the floor-

Startled, he phased his head out, forcibly putting space between himself and what was in there.

He couldn’t get his mind off of it. He couldn’t get his body to stop shaking. His arms were clasped tight around his body in some attempt of self comfort. A anxiety attack of some sort is what Jazz would tell him what was happening. It didn’t matter, though.

Danny never did good with seeing the aftermath of death. And that? He had reasons for trying not to cry in Space but things were already difficult, that is close to pushing him over the edge. This was supposed to be his solitary corner of reality. The halfa continued with his internal war.

But a little wet nudge on his cheek brought him out of that headspace. There was some ice on his cheek, but Danny didn’t give it any mind.

He cracked open one eye - not even realising they were closed - and there was the starry mutt. ’Laika’, some part of his mind whispered.

Danny didn’t dare to move one bit, only staring. Dogs didn’t like him very much anymore, he reminded himself. But…The mutt was wagging her tail, and little bits of stardust were flung with it. The dog had not run away yet.

Danny reached a hand to it.

Laika didn’t flinch like other dogs he tried to pet. To his delight, she leaned into his gloved hands. And the dog didn’t protest one but as he brought the ghost into his arms.

Both of their cores were pulsing, in something akin to a mutual understanding.

He heald Laika for a while longer. Danny tried not to cry in Space. His tears had the terrible habit of freezing in his eyes and it was often a painful ordeal.

Still, the tears came.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #sputnik #laika #snappy's writing tag #snappy writes #asks #angst #light angst #does character death count for ghosts?#space #i hope this causes a few tears #i adore this idea and i adore you anon #ask to tag #bittersweet

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zoeygreensimblr · 5 years ago

Text

All you had to do was Stay (Episode 30)

Graduation day, a day I thought would never arrive, I am finally done with Buckingham High, I cleared out my locker, handed my textbooks back to the office and have my cape and gown ready, I am so excited.

Tess and I arrive at school at 11, I take my seat next to Cassie, the best part about seating being done in alphabetical order is that Goth comes just before Green. Tess takes her place on stage next to Declan, her final duty as School Captain is to run the ceremony alongside Mr Landgaarb.

We do a practice run of the ceremony before the parents and special guests arrive.

"They are going to drag this out aunt they?" Cassie complains and I nod, I just want to get my diploma and drink champagne and dance around my basement with my friends.

The ceremony begins at 1pm, we've been sitting in the school hall for hours and everyones restless so when Tess finally steps up to the microphone to commence we all cheer.

"I like to welcome our parents and guests and congratulate my fellow classmates on completing not only the hardest year of our lives, so far, but also 13 years of schooling. The memories that we've made here will stay with us forever and no matter where you are going next year you will always have a part of Buckingham with you. On behalf of Declan and myself we want to say that we have been honoured to be your school captains and we would like to thank Mr Landgaarb and all our teachers for all their guidance and support this year." Tess announces to the crowd and we all cheer again.

Mr Landgaarb approaches the microphone and begins handing out our diplomas, Declan is first, followed by Tess and then the rest of the class in alphabetical order. When it comes to my turn to accept my diploma Mr Landgaarb smiles warmly at me

"Congratulations Miss Green" he says, shaking my hand, Tess breaks protocol to run up and hug me, to share this moment together.

After the ceremony we find all set out to find our parents and guests. I spot Mum and Don, standing at the back of the room talking to Imogen, I'm surprised to see her here. I approach them and Mum pulls Tess and I in for a hug together.

"Im so proud of my babies" She cries.

Don is next to grab us and tell us that he is proud and happy, I've never seen Don cry before today. We move down the line to Imogen, who looks as beautiful as ever.

"Congratulations Zoey and Tess" She says hugging us

"Thank you" I reply, "Is Angus here?" I ask her and she points behind me, he was filming the ceremony and Tess and I with our parents. He runs up to us, wraps me up in his arms, picks me up and spins me.

"You're free Princess, congratulations" He exclaims, that big, bright smile on his face but his face drops when he sees Mr Landgaarb coming over to us, "Fuck" he whispers to me.

"Congratulations again Zoey" Mr Landgaarb says

"Thank you" I reply through gritted teeth, I hate this guy.

"Angus I wanted to come over and clear the air, after Tuesday evening. Zoey was right, I was out of line with how I spoke to you, it's been 5 years and you've grown into a good man. I also want to apologise to you for destroying your education, it's not excuse but my son was a drug addict who is now serving a life sentence in a foreign prison for attempting to smuggle drugs, when I caught you with drugs I took the anger I have for my son out on you. You were a bright student and could have gone far" Mr Landgaarb explains

"Thank you for the apology but it doesn't really change what happened, what I lost" Angus says coldly

"Which is why I have an offer for you. I looked over your records, saw what subjects you took and have spoken to our teachers here, I want to give you back your year, it would mean you would have to start year 12 again but I want to get you your high school certificate and you could go to university" Mr Landgaarb offers him

"I'll be 23 sitting in a classroom with 17 and 18 year olds?" Angus asks

"No, you can do your subjects at home, at your own pace, we will be on hand to provide you with as much tutoring and support you need to get you up to speed and your girlfriend here would be happy to help too" He says, pointing to me, I'm about to correct him when Angus jumps in

"I accept your offer" Angus says, shaking Landgaarb's hand.

"I'm having a small graduation party at my house, would you come to it?" I invite Angus one Landgaarb has left us

"Of course sweetie, as long as you don't mind a high schooler coming along to your party" He laughs

"Oh yeah, we don't hang out with high school kids" I tease him

"I can't believe I'm going to put myself through all that stress again" He sighs

"At least this time you know whats coming, you know the material, you've read all the books on the reading list and you can have my notes. Plus I'll help you through, so will the others and we can go to university together" I tell him, I'm so happy he gets a second chance.

"I owe you so much Zoey, if you hadn't defended me then this would never of happened. Thank you" He hugs me tightly

Angus and I walk to his car which he parked in the school parking lot and he hands me the his keys.

"You're driving home" He announces to me

"I can't drive your car. What if I crash it?" I panic

"I'm insured and you won't crash. Just remember though, I love my car so you've gotta treat her right, take it slow, ease yourself into it" He reminds me

"You love her more than me?" I ask him

"She never left me" He teases.

I drive slowly out of the car park, making sure I'm cautious and head out of Forgotten Hollow.

"I could get used to driving this" I tell him as we come into Willow Creek, I'm staying just under 60km

"You can go faster if you want, it's 70 along this road" He tells me and I put my foot down slightly on the accelerator, bringing it up to 67, "You're doing good Zo" He praises me.

"I told you I could drive" I remind him

"Yeah but you also told me you felt nervous driving outside of Brindleton Bay so I'm a little surprised with how calm you are" He exclaims

"I couldn't drive to San Myshuno during the day, I'd have a panic attack with the amount of traffic and all the lane changes" I tell him

"Zoey there was a time, not too long ago, when you couldn't even talk to me without having a panic attack and now you're telling off school principals, you're not that shy, timid girl I first met, you've pushed yourself outside of your own comfort zone and I love seeing it" He says, placing a hand on my knee

"And I credit a lot of that too you Angus, you brought me out of my shell, you made me feel special" I look over at him and smile

"Eyes on the road Zoey" He panics slightly

My basement has been transformed with balloons and streamers, theres food everywhere and Don is mixing drinks at the bar. Tess, Cassie, Sam and Declan are already here.

"I just messaged Steph, she said her and Annabelle will be here soon" Tess says running up to me

"I drove Angus' car" I blurt out to her, it's a big, exciting achievement for me and I want to tell everyone

"You let her drive it? Her?" Tess yells at Angus

"She earned it, she got me a second chance at completing Year 12" Angus boasts

"What? That's awesome news" Tess says hugging Angus and then me, "Let's drink and dance", she grabs my hand and leads me to where Cassie, Sam and Declan are dancing, Angus goes to the bar and gets us drinks and talk to Don, I look over and see them laughing together, my mother walks up to Angus and hugs him warmly, I didn't even know him when I started the year and now he is so intertwined into my life, even when we didn't talk he was still in my life through Tess, Cassie and Declan.

I leave my group to join Angus, I hear the end of their conversation as I approach, something about Christmas is being discussed.

"It's only October and you're already planning Christmas?" I ask them and they exchange looks

"Zoey you know me, always making plans" Angus laughs

"Can I borrow you for a moment, I have something for you" I ask him, he hands me a drink and follows me upstairs, to my bedroom, I realise this is the first time he's been in here too.

"I love your mural, did Tess paint that?" He marvels at the beautiful beach scene.

"She did, she's pretty good. Did you ever get her to paint one in your office?" I enquire

"Yep, I'll show it to you tomorrow afternoon, she did an amazing job and now I have something beautiful to look at every day" He tells me and I hand him his copy of 'Seduction by the Sea'

"Sorry, I've had this sitting here since July, I thought about mailing it back to you but I didn't want to let it go, it reminded me of you" I say

"You didn't finish it?" He exclaims

"I tried to, I love the story but after we broke up I couldn't read about the captain without thinking of you, so I would sleep with it beside me every night" I tell him

"Keep it Zo, finish it" He urges, putting it back down on my bedside table, "I like your room, it's very Zoey"

"I don't even know what that means Angus" I laugh

"You've got this giant movie collection which is almost matched by your book collection, you have posters of horses and little shinny trinkets, it's cute like you" He smiles at me

"You like cute, I remember" I smile back at him

"I like you" He exclaims, stroking my cheek

"We should probably get back to the party" I suggest because I know his flirting won't go anywhere and I'll just end up sad that it will never be what I want it to be.

#the sims #the sims 4 #the sims story #sims4simblr #the sims 4 cats and dogs #ts4 #taylor swift

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