#im over it i dont know why i bother trying to have convos w him. i dont know why i bother talking period

[truckstoptigers]

i hope it's not this way forever

[muwur]

long distance headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.5k words

a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;

daichi

✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college

✧ texting or calling whenever u can!

✧ you be like “heyyy”

✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”

✧ “im not in lectureee”

✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”

✧ “...”

✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)

✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”

✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”

✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  

✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO

✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”

✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga

✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better

✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)

✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.

✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    

sugawara

✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi

✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you

✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like

✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”

✧ “yes maam”

✧ “do you have enough snacks?”

✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”

✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”

✧ “gDI yEs I dID”

✧ “:c promise to call me often”

✧ “<3333 of course”</p>

✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)

✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it

✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”

✧ “why”

✧ “it just looks so cute~”

✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him

-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”

✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”

✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry

✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter

✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion

✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>

hinata

✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now

✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)

✧ “hey y/n...”

✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”

✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”

✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”

✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”

✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”

✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”

✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>

✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”

✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible

✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite

✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life

✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  

✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  

tsukishima

✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away

✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”

✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :

✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”

✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”

✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”

✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)

✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee

✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention

✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”

✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”

✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”

✧ *read*

✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter

✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well

✧ “who are you? my mother?”

✧ “no but you’re about to be single”

✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  

✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day

✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.

✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    

a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 

[fellhellion]

rant thats gonna go all over the place but since it touches briefly on why i dont feel personally vibe w dimtri/dedue and edelgard/hubert PLUS something an anon said to me months ago that ive been mulling on its going under the cut. but overall its more just me talking aloud about the weird relationship people have media having problematic aspects. 

the thing is this website has an incredibly. strange and complicated relationship with the idea of something being problematic. i remember feeling utterly bemused when some anoned me a message thanking me for not calling dimitri/dedue problematic in my post saying why i personally just didnt vibe with the pairing. 

and the thing is. i KNOW the language bro. i can spin you a post that gives a reading of that relationship that makes an argument for problematic aspects in that kind of romantic relationship or even just in the writing choices that were made. i can talk about how i feel extremely uncomfortable with a romantic relationship between those two characters or edelgard/hubert because the devotion these men have to their respective lieges IS examined as something that damages the overall quality of their emotional health because being devoted to a person to that extent DOES THAT TO YOU. and i dont personally feel comfortable with that. 

i can write make an argument for that being a problematic aspect to the pairings but you know what? even if i totally felt that way about them or that that idea was completely true, EVEN IF WE COULD SUPPORT THAT READING THROUGH EVERY LINE IN THE SCRIPT, that tells me nothing about the actual people that enjoy those ships????? 

it’s tells me as much about those people as their favourite idk fruit. 

because i KNOW what that anon was actually saying was “oh thank god you didnt call me a Bad Person for enjoying that ship”

for one, i think people need to make their peace with the fact that literally any piece of media will have problematic aspects to it and can STILL have enjoyable aspects to it or even - yes i know lmao - arististic value. and oftentimes not everyone is even going to agree on how much of either fkshfkjd

jane eyre is one of my favourite books and it’s RIDDEN with underlying racist ideas. or to bring the convo back to the topic we’re familair with: for example, the way sylvains is written has him be misogynystic to women when, by the logic of what the writing is trying to convey (a charater that lashes out against and knowingly hurts people due to deep trust issues)  the guy should be equally distrusting of men, if for different reasons. and yknow what? i didnt even realise this until i saw someone else point it out! i completely didnt even realise that problematic aspect to his writing and yet what does that tell YOU about ME as a person? what can u say with certainty about me, user clouiis on tumblr dot com, when i still honestly enjoy him as a character even WITH that misogynystic writing. 

i KNOW my reaction to those ships is just personal (and not even consistent with how ive felt about darker themes in different media) because hey guess what! i love nbc hannibal and that show has a FAR more mutually destructive and harmful relationship being explored and explicitly talked about in both the characters povs as romantic. so i know myself, i KNOW how i feel about edelgard/hubert and dimitri/dedue is just a personal vibe and even now im not sure why it bothers me so much when something worse doesnt. and yknow what? sometimes it IS just a purely personal reaction, or belies deeper internalised thoughts. idk! i havent unravelled it all yet!

minor detour but even on TOP of my personal interpretation of the pairings, it’s just one reading. it’s the perspective of ONE person and you make effective arguments against my own example! hell ill do it myself! for dimitri/dedue specifically, their supports explicitly tackle and address the power imbalance between them and it’s made very clear by their A support that these characters mutually long for that power imbalance to be dismantled and WONT advance their complicated relationship further UNTIL they can do that. i can make that argument and yet emotionally still feel uncomfortable w it! thats just how it be sometimes!

both that argument and my original one can be supported by the text. thats often just how literary analysis GOES. and youll find there’s weaknesses in BOTH stances i made, perspectives i havent accounted for or even thought of! 

this is a whole rant that went nowhere but i hope some of my general vibe is coming across somewhat fkjdshfkjd

[2ugars]

ੈ♡˳ high school senior!hyuck + soccer player!hyuck all in one!!!!

ps - the high school that i’m basing off their high school is mine, which is an international american curriculum high school that has like . a very small hs population.

a lovable and troublemaker senior who interacts quite a lot w his underclassmen — a bit too much than what’s probably considered necessary

he’s always been loud n friendly even before senior year but for some reason it? sky-rocketed?

like

u would expect seniors to stop tryin to make friends n stuff because they’ll have to leave for college at the end of the year nyways……

but NOPE

donghyuck’s a whole other species so he. .

makes friends .

A Lot of them

some of them r accidental on the other person’s part

there was this one time where hyuck forgot his pencil case and he was asking around

and some guy in junior year was like Here u go!!!!give it back to me after school or smth :)

as promised,, donghyuck Forgot to give it to him after school but he DID give it back the morning after w a bunch of teabags

donghyuck: some tea 2 relieve ur stress! also !!!!!!!      U r invited to my bday party :)

donghyuck: and my future wedding

donghyuck :D

junior: Whjat

hyuck’s that one senior who somehow knows everyone’s names?

he’s crazy

the type to say people’s names whenever he converses w them

he does it to seem closer nd to put them at ease? in a way?

has a unique handshake w 75% of the high school population

how does he remember all of that

muscle memory???????? who knows at this point

someone raised their hand during class and he flinched in his seat because he Really Wanted To Do The Handshake w them

he wouldn’t call it popularity, how a lot of people know him

“they’re just . familiar w me,” he would tell jeno

“that’s called popularity u idiot”

“n .   No”

it takes him a while to let it sink in that he IS popular but he still doesnt like to call himself that since he thinks it’s awkward nd a lil off-puttinng

so he just calls himself annoying in the end lmao

“i realized,” he rells renjun one day, “that i’m most likely the most annoying senior ever. more than mark was, even, and that’s saying a lot!”

renjun hums to show that he’s listening when, really, he’s not

“it’s the perfect plan,” donghyuck continues. “i get all of them to love me this year, and when i leave, the entire secondary school will have no choice but to mourn my absence—“

“was that your plan all along?” jaemin interjects with a laugh

“of course not. the kids love me without me having to try much. but it’s a pretty good plan! i could pass it down to chenle, or something.”

renjun later tells chenle to continue to never listen to hyuck

chenle, although puzzled, agrees

hyuck’s in varsity boys’ soccer as midfield

what u would call a hidden leader

was originally appointed captain by the coach but turned it down almost immediately

Hates disappointing people

especially people who are depending and relying on him

he isn’t sure he’s ready for that much weight, being an official leader

however when the ream found out he turned down the position of captain, they made him vice-captain next to sunwoo

donghyuck: “i won but at what cost”

mood maker of the team

screams a lot on the bench in the times when he’s pulled from the field to take a break

“U GO FELIX”

“LOOK AT MY BOYS GO!?!??!?!?!”

“OOF them THIGHS”

“JEEOOONNGGGIIIIINNNN that’s my little boy. Wow. i think im tearing up”

does this not only in games but in practices !

hes quite a chatterbox

please shut him up

i’m kidding please don’t

“look alive guys!!!!!! last one to run ladders buys sushi!!!!!!”

usually ends upbeing the last one

he says he does it on purpose

he’s lying he hates running ladders

“SPREAD OUT I NEED YALL LIKE A SMOOTH LAYER OF BUTTER ON TOAST! THAT MEANS NOT CLUMPED!”

he joked that if it weren’t for soccer, he’d be on the cheer squad

won mvp in junior year and the sportsmanship award for three years running

NOT ONLY DID HE WIN SOME SPORTS AWARDS.......

HHE ALSO WO N!!!!!!!!the hearts of the middle school boys’ soccer team

it’s because he’s the coach assistant during the ms soccer season

he started coaching in his freshman year

surprisingly gets shy when the boys, in all their wide-eyed awe n wonder, call him Coach Donghyuck

“nnnnnnnNNNNNOOOO O OO O  Dont say that call me hyuck instead omg plwase.  NO SIAN DONT CALL ME COACJ NO”

to hyuck’s confusion and jaemin’s pure delight, hyuck’s managed to steal the hearts of the middle school girls’ soccer team as well??

he took some chopsticks from the school cafeteria because he forgot his own at home

when he finished eating lunch, he didn’t want to go all the way to the tray drop-off since it was so far from where he and the dreamies sat

and renjun’s being more annoying than usual that day and is purposely making hyuck to hurry the HECK up so that they could do some modern language homework

of course, hyuck is lazy and doesn’t want to walk that far, renjun, gosh dan g it

so he goes to a middle school girl he’s had a few random, short convos with in his bus and... .. .

“hi louise! is it okay if i place my chopsticks here for you to take it to the tray drop-off?”

the young girl startles but at the sight of donghyuck, she smiles brightly. “oh, hi, coach!”

her greeting sparks up excited hi’s and hello’s from the other girls that donghyuck acknowledges with a smile of his own

(he doesn’t bother correcting them about the title)

(he knows that no matter how many times he’ll gently scold them into not calling him coach, they’ll still persist without fail)

(so he takes it in, albeit reluctantly and with his ears turning red every time)

“that’s totally fine!” louise says.

“thaaank you!” he sings, placing it neatly beside her plate. “you’re the best. see you in practice!”

and honestly

the reason why the middle school girls love him is because he stayed after school to study one day

and when he was done, he watched one of their games that was on the home field

he was on the sidelines shouting encouragements and generally just . Screaming his lungs out

you could probably imagine how the opponent team wa s thoroughly confused as to who the boy was and why exactly he was shrieking bloody murder

after the team won, he walked over to their team huddle and, after asking permission of their coach, gave them high fives and praised them and gave them light-hearted pointers before giving them a huge HUGE smile

yeah

apparently that’s enough to have a whole armada of boys and girls willingly take your chopsticks to the tray drop-off after lunch

he likes to brag about it every once in a while

anyways hyuck is just

a really good and nice senior

who the underclassmen respect and appreciate lots

when the seniors graduate, hyuck hides his tears by laughing so much

like it’s kind of concerning how much he’s laughing renjun thinks the boy’s going to choke on his spit at this point hyuck please sto p laughign

NOTHING FUNNY IS EVEN HAPPENING HYUKC PELAS E

like hyuck started laughing when the closing speech of the graduation ceremony begun

the boys thought it was because he probably farted or heard someone else fart since he was trying so hard not to make a sound

liek all you could hear coming from hyuck was wheezing and little hiccups

and jaemin, who was sitting next to him, had to pinch hyuck’s thigh constantly with how violently he’s shaking with silent laughter

hyuck was covering his face the entire time and jaemin, widely grinning, finally pried his hands away

only his grin slowly wavered when he saw the other boy’s face

jaemin: “oh”

renjun: “what do you mean oh? the teachers are looking at us, we might not even be able to graduate if he keeps laughing, shut him u—”

there wwere tears staining hyuck’s cheeks and snot was basically running down his nose and he was laughing like a maniac and oh no, he’s losing it, renjun get tissues, what the actual HEK

the closing speech ended with a new tissue box emptied and a tissue rolled up into hyuck’s left nostril

the others were crying, too, but they were smiling

jisung approached them with wet eyes and the same awkward stance where he keeps his hands clasped in front of him and hyuck tearfully joked that he looked like That Meme and made jisung cry instead of laugh and chenle started laughing because of it but ended up crying too

HAHAHAH THE SE BBOYS BEIN CRYBABIES (imcrygin too at the thought of this i love ht em. s o mmmcuhhchl)

hyuck couldn’t help but pull the dreamies into a hug before he gets swallowed by their arms, affections, and surprisingly, their smooches

“ABOUT TIME Y’ALL PUNKS RETURNED MY LOVE”

[xz017]

.

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

[deadmanzp]

aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same! 

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc” 

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM. 

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh.. 

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya…….. 

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy 

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them. 

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed. 

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot… 

some son nefes moments of them i liked:  tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good… 

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of  i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once… 

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened….. 

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed 

[tayegi]

im crying not only bc of your amazing writing, but bc i was scrolling thru my dashboard and i saw you answering all these asks about new rules and i’m so dump thinking that you set up new rules or sthg, i didn’t understand it so i read all those asks and fucking spoiled myself kmp, but on another note yOU FUCKING ROCK OMG NEW RULES IS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT 💘💘💘

Anonymous said:I'M LOVING NEW RULES SO MUCH just wanted to show my support. i love your writing in general don't get me wrong but new rules is messing with my heart and it's amazing

Anonymous said:Hi! I just read both parts for "New Rules" and I loved them! If this goes in the same direction as Dua Lipa sings (I guess it will) it sounds like it'll be very interesting. I love how everyone in the story is human, not just good or bad, you know? 90% of fics would've made Mijoo the stereotypical barbie bitch, but you didn't and I was pleasantly surprised! I also feel very identified with the OC. I really want her to open up and discover who JK really is, whoever that is. Keep up the good work!

jabaelashit said:Hey! i already wrote you a message on one of your posts but i just wanted to say that i am feeling so skabakks right now, I can't stop thinking about new rules and i'm torn between crying or crying but w angsty. I hope oc learns her worth and can understand she's just as amazing as mijoo, even better if we're talking about morals but oh well people fuck up:( I'm glad she forgave her but I hope she distances from her cause that gurl ain't having the same respect for the friendship as oc/1

jabaelashit said:and i also hope she gets to tell jimin her feelings not to like make him break stuff w mijoo, but to let him know she hadnt seen the note and to release some pressure and feelings cause oc bottles up so much and i just want to go and hug her and don't leave her until she understands shes fucking badass and cool and that the way she thinks is 👏👏👏 lu you've made me feel such a diverse amount of emotions i don't know what to do w myself anymore, your writing is amazing! love love loove you❣/2

Anonymous said:Hey!!:) idk if this is the right place to send compliments cause im really new to tumblr but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR FICS. Tbh I'd buy it if you published a physical compilation;)

Anonymous said:Wow for the longest time I was searching your old username; idek why cause I’ve known you changed your username and have been keeping up to date with you LMAO this is what being sick and delirious does to me. ANYWAYS! Hope you’re not too down with the crazy anons your story is great and I’m thankful for the dynamic characterizations you create! It makes it so much more interesting cause you create many characters with depth!!

Anonymous said:Can I please just have your writing talent? The OC is just so real, and that moment when she's deciding what to do with Mijoo, and what she actually says at the end.... I can't actually put my thoughts into words. I'm legit stunned by the sheer amount of emotions I felt reading the second chapter. I genuinely adore the banter between JK and OC, I personally prefer people to be more direct with what they want, so I already appreciate them, but also Jimin's convo with OC... (1/2)

Anonymous said:Jimin's convo with OC... Idk about these other anons going off on Mijoo, I was more thinking 'why didn't Jimin chase the note?' and then he would have had his answer then and there. But that might have just been me... And also, thinking back to it now, when JK said 'I need you' and OC repeated it back to him like super softly, like she was surprised oh god, okay, my heart is breaking even more for OC now, idk if I'm reading too much into it. I love you Lu, I hope you're well, and happy! (2/2)

Anonymous said:I love your fics so much!! The sass is real esp with jungkook 😂

Anonymous said:Anyways do ya thang hunny ✨ Keep wrecking me with your writings 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨😩

Anonymous said:Read part 1 of New Rules and was like yeah thisll be fun, I'll have a great time. Then I read part 2 and ended up shedding some real tears at the end?!?! LU WHAT THE...... But really though its so nice to read a fic where the OC values friendship. The idea that its always girls against girls makes me sad.. we should be sticking together!!

Anonymous said:so... surprise surprise, dis gon be about new rules 😂 but I really wanted to thank you for adding so much of the oc's inner dialogue, and making her such a character in the first place. a lot of fics do not portray ocs with more defeatist attitudes, but yours does and I was glad, because I could finally relate to a fic :) also, coming back to the inner dialogue thing, it was so in depth that i could really feel what the oc was feeling, what she was going through. it was amazing ❤️ thank you!

Anonymous said:Man this is one hell of a good fic i’m highly anticipating the next chapter!!! Even though it seems like traditional frat fuckboy x ‘i hate frat bois but ye i’d fuck u’ type of girl it still is in a way a little different i just can’t quite catch how but nonetheless it’s amazing!!! Keep up the good work babe

oceanjoon said:ok so ur newest fic new rules literally is so real n relatable !! like honestly i understand seeking physical comfort in people u dont care about wen u r feeling down/insecure to validate urself n it just rlly hit home

kyarybunny said:Lu. At this point I have so many compliments to give you I can't really form it all properly. But I really am enjoying New Rules and this plot you're breathing life into! It's a different facet of your writing and I love how you can interpret every character's actions in a few different ways. Thank you for continuing to write and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading/analyzing.

Anonymous said:Istg when I read the new chapter of New Rules I clenched my fist like that Arthur meme when it came up to the part about mijoo and the note. Girl got me heated lol. As usual, your works do not disappoint! I love your wittiness and how it shines in your writing. The remarks and dialogue in all of your series really proves your talent. You’re truly a gem amongst fanfic writers 💕☺️📢

Anonymous said:i was happily reblogging a few things on my dash and ch1 of new rules just came and i started reading WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET MY ASS INTO???!!!???!?! IT'S FUCKING AMAZING i don't know why i didn't start reading before. don't you ever dare stop writting, you're such a good writter and i enjoy your works very very much

Anonymous said:OC DESERVES HAPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS MIJOO. OC SHOULDVE PUT HERSELF AND HER HAPPINESS BEFORE HER FRIEND'S BECAUSE SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM DJFJFJ i hope one day jimin finds out about her feelings :(

Anonymous said:new rules just keeps getting better and better 😻😻

Anonymous said:Wow.. Okay.. I do believe chapter 2 of New Rules has officially ruined me. My heart was actually beating so fast through out the whole chapter, and it's still racing now too. I've thought this multiple times while reading your fics, but you're writing really is incredible. Your characters and the way you describe their emotions is so unbelievably relatable that the reader can't help but be sucked in. I always find myself becoming invested in your characters! Thank you for all the adventures!

Anonymous said:I felt so bad for the OC this chapter ;.; If I were in her position, I'd probably do the same since causing a scene is yes, immature and not worth the energy. But, if i could be a character in New Rules I'd probably be the other best friend who'll be like "guurl, confront her ass it isnt an excuse just because she's your friend." All in all I see the OC as the kind of person who'll go out of their way to care for someone to the point of disregarding their own feelings, which is unhealthy :( (1)

Anonymous said:(2) but thats what makes her such a relatable character. I really, really like that in your OCs. This is probably the second OC i emotionally relate to, first is Copper Girl. But yeah I'm just distracting myself from assignments lol this series is amazing and just you are amazing Lu!!!! ily!!!!! PS. Jungkook is still agsjshskll he's cocky but with OC he's quite vulnerable. I wonder why? Is it just a front or does he have other intentions?

Anonymous said:alternative ending to new rules: mijoo and mc are over their respective boys, does not bother to get into any messy scenarios like that ever again, love each other and support each other and is forever the friendship that everyone envies anD I HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH GODDAMMIT LU!!! UR REALLY TRYING TO TEAR MY HEART APART!!

marchxseptember said:OH MY GOD CHAPTER TWO IS UP. I HAD A FEELING SO I HAD TO CHCK UR ACC AND I WAS RIGHT. BRB GONNA READ

marchxseptember said:AND THE PLOT THICKENS. I JIST FINISHED READING CH. 2 AND I AM FUCKED UP. I HAD A THEORY BEFORE BUT NOW I HAVE LIKE 2 MORE IM CONFUSED. I LOVED IT SOOO MUCH. AND I HATE MIJOO NOW. I CANT WAITT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THIS WAS SO GOOD LU.

omg the amount of response ive gotten for new rules is unbelievable. I dont think ppl were even this into equilibrium. the last time u guys acted like this was during the golden boy trilogy and it really feels so good to have this again.

thank you all for your thoughtful messages and for giving this ridiculous little fic a chance. I love you all

[saintkimora]

here is part 2

so the tinamarie convo was almost over, there was just a few more parts. first of all he said “i dont let anyone police my language” like ????????? that is so STUPID of him to say like what hes just allowed to say whatever he wants with no criticism???? for someone who claims to be socially conscious he sure was sounding like an antisjw

at one point i was like “ok im sorry, next time ill let you vent and let it all out and if i have an issue with what you say ill bring it up later after youve cooled off and be like ‘hey joel i know you were mad but it bothered me when you said this’ or s/t like that” and he was like “no” bc no one polices his language and he just wants to be human bla bla bla it was so annoying!! like here i am trying to compromise and find middle ground but he is so stubborn 

it was also annoying how in the text he made it like i criticize everything he says when literally the ONLY times ive ever critiqued what he said are the current situation and when he calls women the b word thats literally the ONLY times ive ~policed his language~

then after the tinamarie convo i decided to bring up the no promises thing from before since we are already on the topic of serious conversations. here is the post if you dont remember, its from like 2 weeks ago http://saintkimora.tumblr.com/post/167023269008/ok-here-is-what-happened-w-joel-last-nightmore 

so i told him that i was really hurt when he said that and i brought up basically what i said in that post. and he explained himself, and his explanation was kinda ok. he said he doesnt make promises at all and thats like his motto in life (which is stupid bc society is kind of built on promises but whatever thats his opinion i guess) but i said “well it wouldve made me feel a little better if you had explained that when you said it instead of just being like “oh i cant make any promises so it isnt fair of you to ask that of me.” i also told him that the promise wasnt the focal point of my request, he was getting hung up on the wrong part. and i told him that he couldve at least said like “i dont make promises, but ill try not to (break up w me over text)” or “i dont make promises, but i hope i dont” just to at least show that he cares. he was silent for this which means i was right, but it was also annoying bc i guess if he cant make an argument he just doesnt say anything instead of being like “you know what youre right” 

i also said i was upset bc i came to him w a serious issue and instead of taking it seriously he gave me a smartass answer (”oh i cant predict the future so i cant make any promises”) and he was like it wasnt a smartass answer, it was an honest answer and i was like “well literally every person ive talked to has said it was a fucked up thing for you to say and even my therapist was taken aback when i told her what you said, so yeah maybe it was a fucked up thing to say” and he was like “well i stand by what i said” like here he is being stubborn again like why cant he ever just admit hes wrong 

so the promise conversation ended. then we had a general discussion about the relationship. i decided to tell him i had a panic attack and i told him how i felt (which i already described in the first post). and like...this whole time we were on his couch and he was laying down and i was sitting up w his legs on my lap. so at this point when i was telling him how i felt i was starting to cry and it was obvious i was crying (i even said like “one second im about to start crying”) and he didnt do anything except continue the discussion. like, if we were switched and he started crying i wouldve sat up immediately and hugged him and tried to comfort him. and he did none of that! even if he didnt wanna get up he couldve at least like reached out and held my hand, just SOMETHING but no instead i just sat there awkwardly trying not to cry while he just laid there talking with no emotion in his voice

he also said like “ive had panic attacks before so i understand what theyre like, if you were having one you couldve called me and i wouldve been nice and tried to help you through it” and i told him how i was too scared to call bc i didnt wanna make the situation worse, and i told him i didnt want to be just another issue for him to “deal with” and he was quiet when i said that bc i think he realized that was literally what he said about me earlier during the tinamarie part of the convo. i also told him i was scared bc last time i talked to him on the phone when he was in a bad mood he snapped at me so i didnt want that to happen again. i also told him i texted tristan instead and he helped me through it lmao

this is the end of part 2, the final part will come soon but typing this all out is v draining emotionally and also my fingers are getting tired so im gonna take a little break lol

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you left me to go mama?? Rio: aw bubba 😧😔 Rio: plenty of stuff in the kitchen if you ain't already raiding Indie: got my head in the fridge never over its madness Indie: 🍾 + 🍊 for breakfast innit 😂 when you lavish Rio: 😂 we on the champagne too Rio: calling a 2 drink max for you so you don't rinse 'em 😜 Indie: dont be lawin that for me too tho Rio: Bitch I is, keep up Indie: naaaah thats only a glass in each hand Indie: you got rules whenever you be but cant gimme none Rio: 😑 Rio: even you can't test me rn tho Rio: on ☁9 Indie: jam girl im playin 🍾 aint lush 😕 aint be telling mckenna that i cant hang w the poshos but fr Indie: is it? whats got you feelin higher than me? 411 Rio: not got dem mature tastebuds yet younger 😉 Rio: [Picture in the Tiffany shop] Indie: allow it i got 👅 that 💸 cant buy bitch Indie: what bling the boy tryna drop on you 👑 didnt even hear you arguing like 👏 get it girl Indie: guilt gifts be 🔥 Rio: Better than the 🚬 joke I thought you would Rio: maybe you are gettin so grown 😜 Rio: nah nah Rio: not even Rio: idk how to say it it feels surreal, like Rio: you'll think i'm playing fr Indie: innit tho 👵👵👵👵 Indie: ?? Indie: youre playing not to take me w to get a 👶 🎁 but you kno 💖💖💖 Rio: That is a good idea tho the price tag would have you shook Rio: [Pic] Rio: It's an engagement ring Rio: ahh I feel a bit sick Indie: YOUVE GOT JOKES MAN 😂😂😂 Indie: even mckenna aint that highkey he gonna proper wife you rn Rio: mad init Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Rio: promise Indie: 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Indie: bitch i aint wearing no dress to the 💒 tho Rio: i know Rio: but how you gon' be maid of honour if you don't? 😘 Indie: ill tax that best man role from other mckenna if you keep playing 💪😎😎 Indie: & i aint callin you mckenna now thatd be a madness of getting you caught up w that boy in convos Rio: Fine we'll discuss this later Rio: 'cos ain't like it's happening now so you know Indie: locked you down w out locking in a date i get it Rio: Yeah Rio: what do you think then Rio: honest Indie: its sick news Indie: the boy be acting right & appreciating what he got 👑👑💖💖 Rio: i'm so glad you think so Rio: thanks, babe Rio: ain't gonna make a big song and dance and tell everyone but i ain't gonna hide it either Rio: know everyone gonna have an opinion, again Rio: just can't get enough, clearly 😂 Indie: feelin the love that you spoke it to me Indie: the only opinion that counts b that he aint finding no better hoe here, in the 24 or anywhere Indie: facts Rio: You gonna make me cry and they gonna throw me out this boujee ass store Indie: wipe dem tears on 💸💸💸 so they kno you can hang still Rio: 😂 Rio: already gonna be out here wearing someone's college tuition on my finger like Rio: see why people do this more than once, get a nice collection going Indie: mckenna gon 😭😭😭 boy is soft Indie: dont let him hear you chatting bout no round 2 Rio: 😏 Rio: poor baby, don't be mean Indie: catch me getting married never i gotta live this thru you amp bitches Rio: Fair, didn't ever expect I would Indie: gon kick it old school like your nan 👶👶👶👶👶 but no 💍 Rio: 😖 Glad you out here thinking so highly of me bitch 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: is you got the fear tho for reals or nah? Rio: It's weird Rio: I know it's what I want like I didn't even think about saying nah but Rio: you have every other voice in your head saying it's too quick or we shouldn't even be together at all, you know Indie: i feel it Indie: i got em in mine tryna chat against everything i tryna do all the time Indie: gotta just chat back that they bein dry Rio: Yeah Rio: you right Indie: how we celebratin this?? thats what i wanna be knowing Rio: we should go out for dinner Indie: catch me thirdwheelin over 🍝 soz baby boy 💋 Rio: shh nah, it'll be good, there are some fancy places that do food you'll actually eat so we can live lavish Indie: tell him bring a friend if he rollin w any still 😂😂😏💘😏 Rio: Not tryna get you NONE at my engagement party tah Rio: get you fill o the food tho 😋 Indie: it aint gotta be heavy Indie: been long since anyone meshed me tho so help a hoe out Rio: hmm don't be tryna play addickted Rio: i'll get you a vibrator, like Rio: not to say go fuck yourself but Indie: 😂😂😂😂 when your ma been out for the day & brings home 🎁🎁s like Rio: pah, he'd actually die of embarrassment Indie: when you out your man as vanilla tho Indie: o mckenna Rio: I just don't reckon he wants to think 'bout you meshing Rio: no offence, like Indie: back trecking like its your job baby Indie: 👀 you & his ways Rio: 🙈 den gurl Indie: too late to swerve dat 🏩 Rio: 🙄 just be thankful i never brought it to ours when we was sharing Indie: safe Indie: I kno you in your ☁ rn but when you back cos shit b testing me & dat 2 drink minimum Rio: What's up? Indie: ex-boy got a new 💘 so he tryna pass my shit back but cos i aint there hes @ the squad & they vexed @ me cos of Indie: 💔💔💔💔💔 Rio: 😔 Rio: Are the lads gonna get it or nah Rio: Don't suppose it's worth seeing if Drew still wanna be Dad of the year one last time, like Rio: may as well use him if he's offering, yeah? Indie: things been heated since the 🐕 & what of mine they are holding so like no beef to the lads but idk Indie: am i tryna text him ever tho 😒😒😒 Rio: Yeah, we'll go 'round the houses when I'm back Rio: someone will go get it Rio: don't worry Rio: we won't be long now Indie: & like not tryna still have love for that boy but aint it mad quick miss me for a few after you dash me Rio: It is Rio: but I ain't surprised, it's how lads, esp lads like that, do Rio: doesn't mean it didn't mean nothing to him necessarily Rio: could still be crying 'bout it in your inbox in a few, not trying to give false hope even 'cos fuck him Indie: i dont wanna be hurtin over this no more Indie: gotta get not bothered Rio: I know Rio: fake it 'til you make it, babe Rio: all you can do Indie: innit tho Indie: tell mckenna to buy me bling too thatll help 😂😂😂😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: 'course Indie: not saying he gotta drop a rents worth on the drip like Indie: just how much he feelin Rio: also not tryna be your sisterwife like Indie: no mood Indie: he vanilla but i aint tryna compete w your moves still Rio: Teach you but I'd have to charge Indie: hes on daddy hype too hard i cant be chattin like that to him or no lad soz boy Rio: Don't really put you in any mood but 😒? Rio: Fair Indie: why drop 💸💸💸💸 on therapy when you can spend on 🚬 its all good Rio: It ain't Rio: but we'll make it Indie: you reckon drews gon show w 👶🎁🎁🎁 or imma be repin for the fam? Rio: I don't know if that'd even enter his head Rio: tbh Indie: she could ⛔ us all in a big sweep Indie: me you & him Rio: She could Rio: I don't think she will you though, babe Rio: not like you've done shit wrong Indie: she just aint about me Indie: i feel it w her too Indie: itll b how itll b Rio: yeah but she can't be that petty Rio: even if she wanna Rio: she's a grown ass woman Indie: neither of em out here acting like they grown Indie: why she gonna start when she have this kid Rio: 'cos she'll have to Rio: unlike Drew she can't just pass it around and hope everyone else does it for her Indie: yeah but she know your ma in law got her back & your real Rio: She can't let Bea raise her kid for her Rio: or Ma Rio: anyway, she's got too much pride in everything not related to Drew, trust Indie: tru Rio: I promise, it's gonna be fine Indie: i got trust in you babe thats how im here Rio: 💘💘💘 Indie: dont be letting it slip now you got 💍 Rio: Never Indie: its chill then Indie: what we tryna wear tonite bitch? Rio: got enough trust in me to lemme pick you up some fresh garms or? Indie: hmmm Indie: cos you in a ☁ yeah Indie: theres your engagement gift ✌ Indie: do it how you gonna Rio: 😂 you know I'm good Rio: and no 👗s Rio: not taking the piss Indie: 👀 Indie: no 🤡ing Rio: would I do a thing like that? Indie: nah but mckenna will if he gets pissy you aint shopping for him 😂😂😂 Rio: We already had to treat him 'cos you know Rio: men don't cuffed 'til the day of Indie: you rode him in there say no more 🤐🤐🍾🍾 Rio: 😂 Rio: Not what I meant even but not gonna lie Indie: 😏😏😏 Indie: i been knew Rio: Keeping it unpredictable is our predictable, babe Indie: you out there vibin 😍😍😍 its a day when you can be extra Indie: make most Rio: As if there's a day when I ain't 😉 Rio: At least my Ma can't say shit to me, she was a marriage and 2 kids deep by now with Eds on the way so Indie: his gon get vocal tho man i feel it Indie: 👀 his dad @ me like 😒 how she livin Rio: I know Rio: Hoping they don't notice, like lemme forget which finger this meant to go on Rio: 😬 Indie: she gon be busy @ the business end of her sis when we hit dubs you all good 😂😂😂😂 Indie: & you could always swerve it so the 💎 not facing out when they 👀 Indie: ✌ hacks Rio: am I tryna stop a muggin' or 😂 Rio: you jokes Rio: also never wanna think about her business end thanks 😷 Indie: innit her drum not got dem thin walls like ours 🙏🙏🙏 or they aint vocal how you and mckenna do Rio: Literally can't imagine how this baby came to be Rio: but I'm chill with that, I don't wanna Indie: used that medical shit fr he aint been near her thats how i clue it Rio: i'm creasing rn and can't even explain 'cos nah Indie: serious she that bitch you tryna lips her & she gotta go shower Rio: I know Rio: Childbirth gonna break her 'less she got that c-section on lock Indie: hit her w all the good gear 🚀🚀🚀🚀 Rio: Probably wanna do it without for the brag idk Indie: o snap Indie: truuuuuuuu Rio: She gotta be ready to drop any day, like Indie: 👀 &👂 Indie: we turnin up if she want us or nah Indie: how many mckennas 👶👶s you gon have? Rio: We'll be about, can't avoid School forever Rio: and shut up bitch 😂 Indie: cmon man i kno you 💭 on it Indie: he a pretty boy Rio: nah Rio: i got a life to live babe Indie: your ma been proved you can have it all bitch Indie: birth dem 👶👶s give em posh names & send em to fancy school like they da Rio: yeah n she given me enough sibs to never need my own Rio: not to mention all your drama 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: im a drama free zone now ty what you sayin Rio: whilst we in this postcode maybe Rio: but not for long babe Indie: nah for long imma be swervin that shit ✌✌ Indie: any postcode Rio: 👏 sounds good to me too Indie: got ink to jog me if i tryna slip Rio: yeah Rio: least you didn't get the M too Indie: like i been said id just put an a on it for that shoutout to my 3 mas baby 💖💖💖 all good Rio: there's always that Rio: if you really want you can add to it Rio: reclaim it, like Indie: hacks Indie: but i aint got no 💸💸💸💸 for Rio: I can pay Rio: or Ma would do it Indie: o yeah Indie: imma hit her up when we home Rio: Have you decided where you gonna be? Indie: mayb w bills cos she 😢💔 idk Rio: Yeah? Indie: if edie back then naaaaah Indie: or if drew been locked up can squat in the flat til it reclaimed Rio: We'll work something out Rio: I'll probably look for a new place Indie: you not gon move in mckennas dubs yard like you own that? Rio: Don't think the rest of 'em would appreciate that like 😏 Indie: other mckenna would rollin in that big drum solo gotta be dry Rio: Yeah still don't think I'm housemate choice no.1 Indie: thats her bad cos you 👑👑👑🔥🔥🔥👑👑👑 Rio: 💘💘💘 Rio: You biased Indie: nah i not Indie: im not here for drew just cos he blood Rio: Anyway, can't be presuming that's how he wanna be living, like Indie: is it? Rio: Yeah, he ain't coming here 'til October imagine if I'd legit moved myself in 😂 Indie: he put a 💍 on it how he not gon be down Rio: that's like rule no 1 init Rio: gotta make sure you've got your own taken care of in case everything goes tits Indie: safe Indie: 👑 moves be like Rio: If I really was probably shoulda said no shouldn't I Rio: kick it like his Ma Indie: if he wants a girl like his ma you need to have a convo Indie: that some freaky shit Rio: 😂 Rio: psych101 would blow your mind Indie: i aint even tyna kno what you mean Indie: old white dudes be cracked Rio: Yeah wouldn't have you buzzin' 'bout your daddy issues Indie: what they sayin bout? i wanna fuck drew now? plot twist fam Rio: you know Rio: we all do but clearly got it twisted 'cos my type ain't ever been my da Rio: no offence boy but Indie: your da be 😍😍😍 god bless Rio: have we swapped? 😂 Indie: he raised me higher than drew done so Indie: daddy caleb come thru Rio: 😷 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: Such a grown convo Indie: hoe im keepin you grounded Indie: livin that grown life 24 7 w mckenna Rio: tru Rio: it's a madness i should still be in school Rio: i feel so 👵 fr Indie: you is Rio: cheeky cow Rio: meant to hype me not wreck me 😂 Indie: he be too tho Indie: so tamed its a madness Indie: remember how he used roll Rio: well you know Rio: 😻 game so strong Indie: you no need my hype bitch Indie: you know what you done Rio: You reckon Indie: girl aint be gettin a callback you got 💍💎💎 & 💒 hype Indie: he kicked it long distance for you & he aint putting in effort no way fore then Rio: Yeah Rio: ignore me Rio: just the fear init Indie: get a new drink Indie: chase that Rio: 🍾 Indie: check your boy i bet he aint feelin no fear Rio: He wouldn't say if he was Indie: hed chat it to you Indie: that boy always talking Rio: 😂 thought you reckoned he was the strong silent type Indie: that was afore he was my new daddy Indie: now i 👀 Rio: 😏 Poor boy Rio: I'll keep it on the dl, protect his ego Indie: ill keep it uncommon knowledge to protect this roof over Rio: yeah, least wait 'til you safe in the 24 to be rude 😜 Indie: innit Rio: right, we heading back Indie: ✌✌ Indie: in a few Indie: less he wants you all to himself Rio: he already been had that Indie: he gave you 💎 you can give him a day 😂😂😂 Rio: is it? Rio: why you want air? 👀 Indie: jam ma im tryna do you & your mans a solid Indie: fore i 3rd wheel your nite like Indie: aint this bitch in your pocket & way when we rollin in the 24 Rio: hmm Rio: if you're sure Indie: trust Rio: then we'll be back with your garms and the reservation later then Indie: safe Indie: dont be doing anything i aint tryna Indie: 💖💖💖💖💖 Rio: 🧡🧡🧡

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Worth leaving your park for? Carly: fun Carly: he likes you more but its k cuz so do i Ali: nah Ali: he was so 😍 for the whole sitch I thought he might genuinely explode on sight Ali: it was fun tho, you were so good Carly: that would've been disappointing Carly: he was better than i thought hed be Carly: lads that cocky dont usually come through Carly: youre always good Ali: yeah, i'll give him that Ali: obviously overhyped himself but all lads do Ali: worth it to see my baby work it Ali: and i hope not 😉 Ali: though u can tell my Ma that, get me off the hook, like Carly: not just lads me too Carly: never seen you play someone like that before tho Carly: we gonna try this on caleb next or Carly: she scares me more than your ex but still would Carly: for you my baby Ali: how can you, you're perfect Ali: i know, crossing lads but not each other back then, babe Ali: not mad, not exactly my finest hour but wouldn't hate having met you sooner Ali: idk if it'd work on him Ali: he's not as dumb as Drew, bless him 😘 Ali: felt weird being at his house, woulda died if any of them had come back, like 😂 Ali: never mind my Ma, have you ever seen his? Carly: you're too sweet Carly: i kno cuz you wanna treat him nice like you do me Carly: not how you did drew hot as that was tho Carly: nah thats the first time ive been there & mas w sons give me space like Carly: sorry we should have brought him back to here my bad Ali: blah shut up 😏 Ali: obvs I wanna ride him too but idk Ali: gives off #loyal vibes to me so probs not a goer Ali: Well you know, had to show you what a real girl on girl on boy threesome was all about, boo Ali: nah, it added to the experience Ali: whatever it was, it wasn't boring Carly: i kno that he gives off 😍 for you Carly: & you like him Carly: catch you in his room collecting hair or w ever to put a spell on the boy Carly: when you could just do it the easy way Carly: aw never boring when im w you girl Carly: youve shown me a lot Ali: There's definitely attraction but I don't really know him Ali: Only see some people at parties, he's one of 'em Ali: like you said, we didn't properly SEE each other 'til now, did we? same kinda vibe Ali: my rep proceeds me 💀 Ali: where's the fun in easy? Ali: besides, I'm with you, and you're so fucking cute Ali: who else I need Carly: k but if you want him to see you you've gotta get out there Carly: if you can turn me you can make him forget your rep Carly: got the magic baby you kno Carly: you're cuter Carly: making me blush Ali: you're right Ali: work on being MORE extra Ali: the world ain't ready 😉 Carly: me either Carly: you're also so hot Carly: unfair Carly: if you get more Ali: baby Ali: making me miss you already Ali: that's what's unfair Carly: can i be at yours later tho Carly: my parents are fighting about me & think idk Carly: bitch its a caravan Ali: That's fun Ali: about parenting styles or? Ali: Of course you can Ali: I share a room with Ro though remember, so, best behaviour Carly: ha Carly: theyve got no flair Carly: about to throw this washing up bowl at my ma as my contribution to the convo Carly: shit i forgot Carly: maybe i shouldnt come over then Ali: trying to think of a witty one-liner for when you do Ali: all i've got is 'this convo is as dull as dishwater' lemme workshop it, hold fire boo Ali: nah, please come Ali: lmao, flashbacks to Drew there but forreal Ali: we can sleep on the sofa if needs Carly: lads are so funny Carly: i thought he was gonna cry w he thought we'd changed our minds Carly: good stash tho Carly: only reason my ma still running her mouth about me Carly: well zen Ali: another night crywanking Ali: gutting Ali: yeah, and you see all that fancy shit in his room, clearly on his big badman hype Carly: cant ever bring him here Carly: never hear the end Ali: gonna have trouble keeping him away now, babe Ali: 💦 Carly: only if youre here Carly: you speak the local lingo yea? Ali: Gabh mo leithscéal? Ali: 😏 Carly: wtf Carly: you could've just said yea babe Ali: could've but i'm a showoff Carly: cant act like i dont love it now Ali: can but it'd be a blatant lie Ali: right tongue workout, Gaelic, like Carly: thatll be why you bothered & i never Carly: very gay of you Ali: odds already stacked against me being 50% scum Ali: had to do what i could, babe Carly: help me out then Carly: my da's trying to start a fight w ronan's da who dont even speak english Carly: funny or fucked that he thinks thats where i go Carly: guaranteed his da is calling me a slag while my dad does the same Carly: ha Ali: 😒 Ali: fight for your honour or gtfo Ali: So stupid Ali: want me to rock up translator cum where you've been wasting your time? Carly: i told em all ive been too busy having 3ways w you & the golden god but they aren't having it Carly: gonna have to give you all a show, am i lads that aint what you want da but its what ill do k Carly: walking away before they start kissing themselves Carly: the tension Ali: Oh, middle-aged straight men Ali: never far away from a crisis or homoerotic awakening Ali: Join the club Carly: grab another beer lads itll be alright Carly: im not knocked up or running off with your lad Carly: do wanna get out of here tho Ali: Oh he is not potential baby daddy material at all Ali: Please Ali: come over or you wanna go somewhere else Ali: think my Da is firing up the BBQ, another staple of manliness Ali: sure we can keep him from brawling and strictly on the burgers tho Carly: who is Carly: get me on the ferry before you get me down the aisle Carly: k im walking Carly: keep me company babe Ali: valid Ali: benefits of being a gay is no awkward hush hush trips to England Ali: of course Carly: if only my parents believed i like you Carly: get back to slagging me off for other shit Carly: irish at me again. i liked it Ali: Bit offended, like, have you seen me guys? I'm a sensation Carly: i dont think they know who you are sorry Ali: Tá tuillte agat ar fud an domhain, Carly Walsh Ali: at least I can dramatically ask 'em then and really fucking mean my shock horror Carly: if you don't live on site you don't exist Carly: do i need to be offended at what you're saying about me in that gay tongue twister Ali: everyone got their own bubble Ali: i found out the world extends beyond the end of my street tho but you do you lads, it is easier that way Ali: tho not safer, ask ginge 😈 Ali: i hope not Ali: was nice, promise Carly: i wanna see more of it than this Carly: like you said wheres the fun in easy Carly: shit yea shes your ronan like Carly: she gonna show herself at the bbq Carly: i believe you, you don't kno how to be anything else to me even if you should Ali: You will Ali: Make sure of it Ali: I've shown you the stars, gonna show you the wonders on this world too, scout's honour Ali: omg, so is Ali: although she doesn't occasionally come by when she's horny Ali: so we're safe Ali: she'd never trust me serving her a bevvy, like 🧙‍♀️ #witchesbrew Ali: why should I? don't be telling me what to do woman 😜 Carly: maybe she should Carly: she might be less sad and mad once she's had a ride w you Carly: you gonna play like you don't like it now Carly: just in the bedroom k hear you Ali: I'll put it out there Ali: get ready to cover my bruises this time Ali: 😏 Ali: time and a place, baby Carly: if you're showing her what real magic is she can't be mad Carly: but if she is she can go through me i got you girl Carly: wont beat me a second time like Ali: my lil million dollar baby Ali: into it Carly: your sister would be too Carly: not in the same way but would get her on side Ali: she's so on side Ali: now she knows you ain't tryna be my bosom bud like that Carly: she still dont vibe w me tho Carly: i kno it wasnt just that Ali: she's just shy, don't worry Ali: no one out here you need to impress but me and i already am Carly: what about your ma and da Carly: i kno they arent shy Carly: how do you want me to play that Ali: just be you you don't gotta do anything more or less baby Carly: im scared Ali: you don't have to be, I swear, Ma's not as bad as she 👀 and my Da's a big softie Ali: you can just come as my friend, they aren't gonna pry Carly: k Carly: i trust you Carly: itll be fun yea Ali: s2g Ali: you can meet Tommo, you'll like him Ali: and your fave will be dying for your attention, obvs Carly: mystery boy Carly: is he hot like your other brothers Ali: i'm not gonna confirm or deny 'cos bit weird Ali: also potentially rude if I nah it 'cos I reckon he ain't your type Ali: I cannot promise hot brothers making an appearance but you might get 🍀 Carly: hot sister then Carly: I dont mean my fangirl but the older one Ali: package deal with the freckly one Ali: not rock, weirddd Ali: but see, so ready with the compliments they're gonna 💚 u Carly: he's hot too Carly: & you kno i think the littlest is such a cutie Carly: but i dont wanna compliment anyone but you Ali: I'm not gonna complain about that Carly: better not cuz im almost at yours Carly: its too hot to turn around & walk back Ali: yay! Ali: lemme come get you Ali: i wanna kiss you before we have to be social Carly: i want you to kiss me whenever you feel like it Ali: might just take you up on that Carly: do cuz it means i can too Ali: deal 💚

[saintkimora]

ok, here is a full account of what happened yesterday and the new events from today. caleb if you are seeing this please respect my privacy and stop reading now 

ok so it started the other day. caleb texted me at night saying he wanted to talk to me about something serious the next day. i asked what it was about and he said he just wanted to be friends but i didnt read too much into it bc he is impulsive so i figured he would come to his senses the next day

so then yesterday happened. i had just gotten out of sociology at like 10:40am and i saw that he had texted me all these things about breaking up. then when i got to my car he called me on the phone. he then proceeded to break up with me over the phone. his reasoning was that since hes prob moving in a few weeks, he wanted to stop being boyfriends now that way when he does leave itll hurt less than it would, so like easing himself out of the relationship basically. i think its a stupid idea 

so these are the issues i had. the first was that he broke up with me over the phone, not even in person. and like i was crying over the phone and his tone was just like very cold and detached and business like and that really hurt me bc he obv knew i was crying but i didnt feel any sympathy from him whatsoever. like if he was crying i would obv be comforting him and trying to make him feel better not talking like a robot. another thing that hurt was that he gave up on the long distance relationship before we could even try it. it made me feel like i was so worthless and unimportant that he didnt even feel like putting forth the effort to make our relationship work. and the fact that he did this all over a 10 minute phone call on his way to the gym. and then like 20 min after he had the NERVE to post a video on his snap story of him at the gym saying “feeling so good *blushing smile emoji*” like that really hurt my feelings and when i told him that later he was like “oh stop making everything about you it was just how i was feeling after working out” but like? i know he obv wasnt saying that he felt so good about breaking up. but what bothered me was that like after he broke up w me, i was a mess i was literally crying all day and i couldnt do anything but cry i was so upset. and then here he is just going on with his day like its another normal tuesday. like the fact that he was capable of being so happy not even a few hours after breaking my heart made me feel like i was nothing, like it was just an errand like “oh im gonna break up with perry then go to the gym lol” and the fact that he did it over the phone just made me feel so insignificant like i was nothing to him and that really hurt. and like ive tried to be the best boyfriend i can be for him and i try to do everything he asks of me so for him to just break up with me in such a dismissive way makes it feel like he doesnt even care

so i was crying in my car, like really bad like i was BAWLING. so i went to the student counseling center and asked for a crisis meeting and i got set up w this counselor named josh. he was nice and tried to help me calm down and focus on orgo. it was nice to have someone to talk to i guess

so then i went home. he called me again to like try to explain himself but only made me feel worse. he was like “you know when i move im not gonna be able to see you everyday and cuddle with you and fall asleep on your chest anymore” and that just made me sadder and i was crying again on the phone. then later we were texting and he was like denying breaking up with me. like, you said you wanted to just be friends and you explicitly said that you didnt want to be boyfriends anymore so how is that not breaking up??? and he said “i was trying to have a conversation with you but all you did was cry.” with the period to show how serious he was. and it really hurt me when he said that bc it felt like he was mad at me and using me crying against me, like i somehow did something wrong by crying. again if he was the one crying i would not be holding it against him like that so i really wish he didnt say that bc it made me feel bad for being emotional which should not be something to feel bad about. and at the end of the call he didnt say i love you like he always does so that hurt my feelings as well

and like i took away the hearts from his contact name and changed my phone backgrounds since they were pictures of him and that just made me really sad

i skipped psych and anatomy lecture but i couldnt skip my anatomy practical. i cried when i was backing up my car to leave bc i saw the “hi <3″ that he wrote in the dirt on my back windshield a while ago and it just set me off. so i got to school and i was planning on having this be the dropped grade so i wasnt like worried but i got a 90 anyways so that was nice. the prof was like “perry whats wrong you look depressed” and i was like im just a little sad today and he was like why and i was like “bc my significant other broke up w me” (i used s/o bc idk how my prof is about those things so i didnt wanna say bf). he told me this story about how in his senior year of college he had such bad mono it was misdiagnosed as hodgkins disease so he was given 18 months to live and his gf of 4 years left him after finding out. so he told me “perry, girls are like a bus. if you miss one, another one will come along in 15 minutes. if i had daughters i would tell them the same thing about guys” so that was nice that he tried to cheer me up. then when i was leaving from the other room (bc we leave our stuff in the other room during the practical) the TA came to me from the main room and wished me luck on my finals so that was nice of him 

so then i went home. then at 10pm i met w caleb in person in his car. we talked and at first he would not let me get a word in and he just kept defending himself and what also upset me was that he thought the reason i was so upset was that he was moving and he was so defensive like “i wish i could stay here but i have no choice i cant afford to live here its too expensive” and like that is not what upset me!!! i already knew he was moving ive had time to accept it what upset me was how he broke up w me for no reason w almost no warning and did it in such a cold way. and like the way i see it is since hes leaving instead of easing ourselves out of the relationship to stop us from getting hurt when he actually leaves (which wont happen bc itll hurt regardless), i figured we should make the most of our time together and enjoy each other as much as possible since we’ll have plenty of time to get over each other AFTER he moves. so when i told him my point of view he was like “i wish i thought of it like that, im really bad at this” so that was how i resolved the issue. he was hesitant about keeping the bf label but i told im i really wanted to and i didnt see a point in taking away the label now anyways. i also told him i at least wanted to try long distance instead of giving up before it even happens. i dont remember what he said to it though lol i was too emotional. but yeah the beginning of the convo just felt like he was berating me and i started to cry again bc i dont like it when hes rude to me like that

then he told me that im so sensitive i could see a squirrel in the road and cry and i had to explain to him that i am not a sensitive and emotional person! im normally v reserved w my emotions like ive only cried maybe 3 times the past 8 years and that im just emotional when it comes to him bc i care about him so much

another thing that bothered me was that he said every relationship teaches a lesson, and from ours he learned not to rush into things. i dont get that bc yes we did rush but that wasnt really a bad thing? like he wouldve moved regardless so taking things slow wouldnt have changed that. and like since we rushed into things it will hurt more when he leaves since we are closer than we would be if we took it slow but also like, if we didnt rush we wouldnt have gotten so close and had so much fun together in the first place. so imo the benefits of getting so close so fast vastly outweighed the pain of him leaving

so everything would be great except for this next part. he told me the easing out of the relationship thing was bc he got the advice to do that from his mom and leeann. so when i got home i made a post calling leeann toxic and his mom stupid for interfering in our relationship. and like yall can tell that obv i was kidding and just exaggerating for humorous effect like i dont really think his mom is stupid or that leeann was toxic, just that their advice in the situation was bad. but caleb texted me this morning being so rude calling me disgustingly disrespectful for saying that and he said that “next time you think about doing this remember how it felt when i dumped you (so he admitted that he did dump me) - and get those tissues ready” (since ive been using a lot of tissues since i was crying so much). that really really hurt my feelings bc 1. he is once again using me crying against me and 2. it shows a total lack of sympathy for me crying, like it felt like hell yesterday i was so upset and he knows that so for him to threaten to put me through that again just shows he doesnt really care about me or my feelings. 

he also said i need to stop using him and leeann and his mom as “characters in your online stories” like...these arent online stories? this blog is where i vent and talk about my feelings since i dont have anyone to do that with irl and i need to get them out somewhere im not writing these posts to be mean it just feels good to put my thoughts into words instead of bottling them up and even my therapist thinks its a good thing for me to do  

so he said that but i was NOT having it. i typed up a long text in response and even i admit it was kinda mean. like in his he said “dont even talk to me for the rest of the day” so at the end of my text i said “dont talk to me ever i am perfectly fine w never talking to you again the rest of my life so bye have fun in new hampshire or whatever” and he was like “perry stop you dont mean that last part” and then he called me and once again got defensive he said he was just trying to have a convo w me and i was being aggressive for no reason. like, no??? a convo would have been texting me like “perry i know its your personal blog where you post your feelings but this post upset me and this is why” not coming at me with 4 super rude texts out of nowhere. so he was trying to play the victim and paint me as irrational and that im overreacting just like he did yesterday and i didnt like it! he was just dismissing my feelings again. so i went OFF in this phone call like wow i really snapped and it felt good tbh

like i think he was just expecting me to sit there and take it and apologize like i usually do when he gets like this but i am done doing that! so i think he was caught off guard that i stood up for myself. i was like caleb i really dont care i have the most important orgo test of the semester today you already took yesterday from me but today i am not entertaining it if you have an issue call me after my test” and i ended the convo and hung up and then he texted me “good luck on your test” like ok hi king of passive aggressiveness 

so thats it. i felt good at first but later on i felt bad so i texted him apologizing for snapping at him but i said i wont discuss the tumblr issue until we are in person. i asked if he was free tonight and he said no he wants a day or two to be separate and normally i would understand but like...hes moving in a few weeks i really dont want to waste time fighting and being in this weird place

not to be out of order but another thing that got on my nerves was when we made up last night. he said “once i move youll have more free time for things like school, work, maybe going to the gym” like once again here he is commenting on my appearance! like yes i know im scrawny and i wish i wasnt but im sick of him taking jabs at my looks like my body, acne, and eyebrows when i literally have NOTHING but nice things to say about how he looks. it makes me feel bad when he points out my flaws like that and a good boyfriend is not supposed to make me feel like that

now for the most recent development. leeann sent me this LONG fb message bc caleb told her what i posted about her. like why does he have to expose me like that! i didnt read the message i was like “yeah im not reading this but just so you know i was kidding i wasnt serious i was exaggerating lol” and she was like ok lol 

i just dont know why she thinks i care about her input on MY relationship? like youre calebs friend not mine to be frank i dont give a fuck what you think about whats best for my relationship like you dont know me so mind your business

and thats another thing. in the past caleb has gotten pissed at me for sharing our business too much (by telling my friends (who he will literally never meet since they all went away for school) and by posting on here) yet here he goes telling leeann everything! seems hypocritical to me

and heres a second thing. i have always told caleb that my blog is my personal space where i can safely vent and talk about my feelings and that he should respect my privacy by not reading my personal posts. and ive told him that if he does wanna read them then hes doing so at his own risk bc im not going to filter myself bc this is MY space not his so if he really wants to overstep his boundaries and look at my posts then he cant get mad at me for them bc HE is the one choosing to read them even after my warning! so i dont think he should be getting mad at me especially when i was in such an extreme state of mind yesterday since he put me through the worst day of my life for no reason which literally couldve been 100% avoided if he had just waited to talk to me in person instead of breaking up w me over the phone. and like now i feel like this isnt even a space place for me to express myself anymore since theres a chance of him seeing. and i tried blocking him before but he made a new blog and wont tell me the url so i cant block him smh

so yeah thats everything that happened. im kinda stressed rn w this whole leeann drama even though he shouldnt have been reading my posts in the first place. like its just so much drama and i dont like how it feels and idk why this relationship turned sour so fast and i wish he would just be nice and sweet to me again. so hopefully things get better