#im only tolerating you until you leave the city let me work on myself and my skills in peace

[teabutmakeitazure]

can't believe how freaking insecure some people in the extended family can be because i just said that studying 6 hours a day doesnt feel enough for me at times since the course load is a lot and suddenly im making someone feel beneath me and she doesnt miss making a snide comment ("oh so maybe im the one doing the most useless engineering here")

[detectivejigsawpines]

Abyss-finale (Raise a glass to freedom)

...I have never been drunk in my life. Because I don't drink. Therefore my knowledge of how to be drunk is very limited, and mostly based on the idea that it's similar to being very, very sleep-deprived (which I have been on probably far more occasions than is healthy for me). My suspicion is that if I did drink, I would be either a very giggly drunk, or a very angry drunk.

Reading the chapter to the end will clarify why this is valid.

“You what?!”

Shermie and Ford both stared at Stan, aghast, as he continued to scramble eggs after telling them how he’d essentially bought himself from their father.

Stan grinned.  “You shoulda seen the look on his face-it was even better than the time when we went to that restaurant with the triple-decker steak.”

Shermie snorted, hard.  “Oh wow...I always knew you were crazy, Stanley, but this-this exceeded even my expectations.”

He did a little theatrical bow, twirling the spatula between his fingers.  “That’s what I do best.”

When their mother came down, however, some of his ebullience-a lot of it, in fact-dissipated at the look on her face.

Ford’s stomach twisted in a hard knot, because even he could see that level of heartbreak.

Stan winced, and turned off the burner.  “...Hey, Mom.”

Mom looked up at him sadly for a moment, before at last whispering, “This isn’t gonna be fixed, is it?”

Stan let out a sigh that was equal parts sad and frustrated as he set down the spatula he’d been using.  “Whaddya want me ta do? Beg and plead for him ta say I’m part of the family again? It wouldn’t work, Mom, and even if it would…”

Even when he had still been mad at his brother, Ford knew he wouldn’t have wanted him to sacrifice his dignity to that extent.  He wanted it even less now, when he understood better what had happened and wasn’t a stupid hormonal teenager.

Mom was trying hard not to cry now.  “Stanley…”

“Am I gonna lose you too if I can’t make things up with him?” Stan suddenly asked.

It snapped Mom out of her despondency somewhat: her eyes widened, and then she jabbed a finger into her son’s chest.

“Stanley Pines!  What kinda mother ya take me for?!  What, ya think I’m gonna tell ya ta shove off just cuz your pa’s got a big stick up his-”

The rest of her words were muffled in Stan’s shirt as he pulled her into a hug.

“Just checkin’,” he whispered into her hair.  “Love ya too, Mom.”

********

Pa came down a while later, and sat stoically through breakfast, before telling Shermie, “Pack up the car when you’re done.  We’re leaving.”

Shermie blinked.  “Already?”

He nodded.  “Gotta get back to the shop.  The rubes ain’t gonna fleece themselves.”

The oldest son sighed.  “You got it, Pops.”

Pa gave him a sharp look at the slight insolence in his tone, but then went back to eating the eggs.

Since they hadn’t brought much, it didn’t take them long to get ready to leave.  Mom held both her boys tightly, wringing out promises for them to call her more often, and then Shermie took his turn for some more affectionate noogying and apologies for not getting to spend more time checking out their home.  Then they were putting their things in the car, leaving them alone on the porch with Pa.

Ford wondered if he was going to say-well, anything.

An apology was most likely too much to hope for, but-well, something.  Something to prove that he was a human being, not a robot.

All he did, though, was give a small nod, and then turn away and head for the car.

As they watched it drive back down the road, Ford said, “...We need to go to Dan’s place.”

“What for?”

“I need a drink.”

********

On the Corduroy cabin’s front porch, Dan poured out more of his family’s home-brewed liquor and handed it over.

“Sounds like you guys had a rough time.”

“...Wasn’t so bad, not after I gave ‘im the money,” Stan muttered into his glass.

“Ya shouldn’t’ve done that,” Ford scolded; his words slurred more than usual, finally making him sound like a Jersey boy for once.  “‘S wasted on ‘im. Prolly never even spend it.”

Stan shrugged, and held out his glass again.  “S’not my money anymore. I don’t care.”

The part of Ford’s brain still capable of rational thought wondered what exactly was in this Corduroy family recipe.  Dan had said it was apples...or mostly apples. Definitely had apples in it. It was powerful stuff, whatever it was; they’d only been doing this for half an hour and he’d already reached the point where the edges of his vision were going in and out of focus, and he needed to sit down even though he was already sitting down.  He squinted at Dan.

“How’re you handlin’ this stuff so well?  You’re lit-ral-lit-little-little-er-ally younger’n we are, you’ve had less years ta build up a tolerance for drink.”

Dan smirked.  “Guess I’m just manlier than you.”

Ford glared.  “Ha. Ha. You even drinkin’?”

Dan pointedly poured himself a glass of whatever-he-called this stuff (Crumble?  Scramble? Something like that), from the same bottle they’d been using, and gulped down a shot.

Stan whistled appreciatively.  “You’re good.”

“Got a lotta Scottish in my blood.  Makes it easy.”

“Nice.”

****

“...I shoulda stood up ta him better,” Ford muttered finally.

The other two stared at him.

“He started sayin’ all this crap about you bein’ a-a bad influence an’ stuff, Stanley, and I tried ta defend you, but I just...froze up.  I failed you again.”

“What?  No, nononono, don’t do that ta yourself.”  Stan scooted his chair over next to Ford’s, not heeding the horrible scraping noise it made on the wooden boards, and slung one big arm over his shoulder.  “S’not your fault, ‘kay? Dad’s-Mom says I got pershonality, but he’s got one too. Big one. Size’a New York City-big. Not an easy one ta go up against.”

“What, are you-are you sayin’ I don’t have personality?”  Ford gave Stan a wounded look.

“No, no, ‘course not.  Jus’ not a pers’nality used ta fightin’ people.  ‘Specially not Pa.” Stan squeezed him. “Not your fault.”  He ruffled Ford’s hair...and then gaped at it in wonder. “Whoa.  Your hair’s real...floofy. Heh heh. Floof, floof, floof.” He continued playing with it, giggling, until Ford swatted his hand.

He felt a little comforted by Stan’s words...but not much.  “S my job,” he insisted stubbornly, staring at the middle of Stan’s three faces floating before his eyes on the assumption that it was the real one.  “Needa...fix things. Last time-you were homeless cuz I couldn’t get over myself an’ help you, so I needa-”

“Hey, I shouldn’ta hung around your project, so I wouldn’t’ve broken it, so you coulda gone ta the dumb science college.  You’re more important than a boat, Sixer, an’I made ya feel like-likit was the other way ‘round.”  Stan suddenly snatched the bottle off the table, began chugging down the rest of its contents.

“Hey!  No fair, gimme that.”  Ford grabbed for it, leading to a sloppy tug-of-war that ended with the-grumble?  No, scumble, that was the name of this stuff-splashed all over both of them.

Ford put the bottle back on the table with a resigned sigh, and then wrapped his arm around Stan.

“You’re more important’n a college, St’nley,” he murmured, letting his heavy eyes droop shut.  “Shoulda remembered that too…”

****

Soon enough they were both snoring, completely passed out on each other.

Dan threw away the empty bottle, and went inside to grab a blanket, which he draped over both of them.  Then, as the effects of the scumble finally started to hit him, he just made himself comfortable stretching out on the porch.

********

When they wake up, all three boys are VERY hungover. Stan and Ford end up staying until they're feeling well enough to stand and walk home without throwing up, while Ford tries to deduce the ingredients for a hangover cure Fiddleford came up with in college. As best he recalls, it included a raw egg, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauce, but he could never get his friend to divulge the rest of it. He resolves to experiment until he deciphers it on his own-as soon as his head stops feeling like it's all stuffed with rocks that keep rolling around and banging into each other.

Stan has a few nightmares while he’s sleeping them off, but he doesn’t remember them that well when he wakes up, just being surrounded by a lot of indistinct whispers.

[words-are-my-existence]

Tea and Coffee

Introduction Part IV: Crepuscular

Warning: Course language and mature references within

~

The evening came around quite soon, Eliza lost in conversation with Levi who spoke about her and Lucy’s latest adventures in Japan. The two girls were old friends and had a taste for exploration, having an endless desire to travel the world. Levi was slightly shorter than Jai while Lucy matched more Eliza’s height, the former having quite dark brown curly hair, and ebony skin whilst the latter was more so fair and sported long wavy hair that changed colours like the seasons. When Jai and Lucy arrived they saw this time around she had it a sweet pastel shade of lilac. They were both a energetic pair and always knew the right advice to give at the given moment, never failing to call you and help out in a time of need even if they were on the other side of the globe,

“Next thing I know Lucy has jumped, I’m falling and our instructor is losing his shit at the fact that we left him behind!” Levi laughed as she talked about a parachuting trip over Nagoya,

“Yeah, though we made it up to him later on in the hot springs,” Lucy added on cheekily with a wink, Jai almost sighing sadly,

“Man that would have been so fun, oh what about that guy who swam with whales with you?”

“He tried drugging our drinks so we handed him to the police, some people seriously,” Levi rolled her eyes,”But the trip overall was great, the next destination we’re planning on is Hawaii on a cruise ship,”

“Woah already? I mean then again you both can’t stay in one place longer than a week,” Eliza commented with a soft giggle, finishing up making a cup of tea for herself. It was closing hours, the sky dark outside and twinkling with just a few stars visible beyond the city lights,

“I’ll finish cleaning up, we’ll have to catch up tomorrow before you set off again,” Jai called out as she headed around to the back, Lucy and Levi stretching as they joined Eliza by the door,

“It was great seeing you both now at least, the store is doing even better than we when we saw it last!” Lucy said clapping her hands, Levi nodding in agreement,

“You need to explain yourself to missy, apparently you have a few secret admirers you didn’t tell us about!”

“Jai has probably told you some nonsense, you know how she is,” Eliza sighed as she lead the girls out and locked the cafe door behind her,”If anything I get a few glances and men wanting to talk to me but nothing serious,”

“Hmm well we’ll get those answers tomorrow, see you guys then!”

“Take care!” Levi and Lucy hugged Eliza goodbye before heading to their hotel, Eliza herself making her way towards to the nearby park.

Before heading home she tended to go here after work every night and enjoy her English Breakfast tea, relaxing with a good book or practicing some sketches at her favourite park bench. It was a great way to cool off after a busy day or even just chill on a quiet one. There was barely a soul around either so it was almost perfect, those nights when it was was when a small black stray cat would come around and say hi. It was an adorable creature who seemed to love the small treats Eliza gave it.

She found her usual spot and sat down, opening her book up and picking up from where she left off in the afternoon. Out of habit she sneakily glanced around to see if the kitty was here tonight, when see couldn’t find it she subtly looked over to the bench across her a little way away where a figure was sitting on it and reading their own book with a tray of half a dozen cups resting beside them. She only had gotten glimpses of him before, a slim man who had pale skin and soft blonde hair that tended to cover his face. He came out most nights and read in the same spot just as Eliza did. The two seemed to have an unspeakable agreement on not interrupting each other, understanding when someone just wants to be left alone to themselves. Eliza often wondered what his eyes were like as she had never been able to see them. As well as if how she perceived him was the same way he thought about her, this strange girl coming out each night to be alone in the peaceful solitude the park gave.

Eliza shrugged the thoughts off her mind and returned to her own book, taking sips from her warm mug as she read.

As the night went on robust laughter and crude shouting broke the silence, Eliza sighing and rubbed her forehead as the noise drew closer. She glanced over her shoulder to see a group of around five men making their way through the park, each stumbling and bumping over each other drunkenly. It wasn’t to often an occurrence when people like them wandered through, Eliza knowing to just ignore them and focus on herself, the drunkards leaving her be.

Though this time as she looked down back at her book and focused on its pages, the men strode straight towards her and cat called as they approached,

“Look at this jewel hiding away in the shadows, you’re quite pretty from afar but boy aren’t you something else up close,” One whistled as he stood in front of Eliza, another slapping his hands down on her shoulders from behind and giving her a fright and causing her to jump up in panic, the man grabbing her strongly and forcing her back down on the seat,

“Hey sweet heart you shouldn’t be out all by yourself in this hour of the night. Let us take you back to your home safe and sound,” He cackled darkly as a third lent over and whispered in her ear, his breath sickly smelling of booze,

“Of course as payment you’ve got to let us gentlemen have some fun with you, otherwise we might just have to get ruff,”

Eliza already packing her stuff away tried again to slid out of the hands of the one who was holding her down, luckily doing so and quickly backing away,

“It’s quite alright thank you for the offer, but I can take care of myself,” She calmly spoke though could feel the sweat starting to build up on her forehead, yelping as she walked into someone behind her. Growing scared now she gritted her teeth, holding her dark mug tight in her hands and peeking behind her expecting the other two strangers to be there.

Instead a very skinny and short man stood there holding a tray of six paper cups of steaming coffee in one hand and in the other a book. He was trembling slightly Eliza noticed, though she was unsure if it was in fear or rage,

“The lady has clearly stated she is content with her own company ‘gentlemen’,” The blonde figured began sharply,”So I would ask that you leave her be and continue your intrusive disturbance somewhere you’re actually tolerated,”

“What mate?” One guy his scratched their head confused, a different drunkard speaking up,

“Hey you skinny pussy bugger off! We do what we fucking want to fucking do!” His voice grew louder in anger and frustration, the one who first approached Eliza slowly walking up to snarl in this newcomers face while his friends enclosed on them,

“I suggest you leave now, with your wallet on the ground, unless you rather to find yourself in a mangled fucked mess?”

“No, actually I prefer this idea instead pissface,” Eliza heard the retort as the man aiding her threw his tray of cups at the now clustered drunkards, boiling hot liquid splashing all over them causing them to erupt in a chorus of painful screams. In the spilt second this man grabbed Eliza’s arm and pulled her along into a dead sprint away from the spectacle, several extremely frustrated and raged shouting following in the distance.

Eliza wasn’t sure how long they had ran for, the adrenaline pushing them on until the sounds of their pursuers faded. As they halted at last the two stood only for a moment before collapsing onto the grass beneath them gasping for air, the threat now gone and the peace returned,

“Well that is my exercise for the year done,” Eliza spoke first as she gathered breath, her saviour heartily laughing in response,

“Yeah same. My mates are going to kill me tonight though when they find out they have nothing to drink but hey, this will make an awesome and hilarious story!”

“Hah yeah exactly! My friends won’t believe me probably but still,” Eliza added with a grin. They had rolled onto their sides to face each when talking, Eliza noticing for the first time the cute gummy smile plastered on him along with a pair of deep molten brown eyes that shone with such a depth Eliza was stunned. They were both stuck in silence for a few minutes staring at it each other, the two of them blushing when they realise and quickly scramble to their feet,

“Ah um thank you so much by the way, I don’t think I would have been able to take them all on. I need to do some more self defence lessons,”

“It’s alright, I’m glad to help. It would have been wrong of me to just do nothing when you were in need um..” He trailed off and nervously started scratching the back of his neck,”I don’t actually know your name even though we’ve seen each other quite a lot over the months, but well haven’t talked,”

“Yeah I’m sorry about that, I kinda assumed we both just wanted to be left to our own devices,” Eliza apologised guiltily,”I guess better late then never though, I’m Eliza,” She said as she held her hand out to him, who in turn shook it with a happy grin,

“Hi Eliza, I’m Yoongi, nice to properly meet you,”

“And you to,” She replied with a warm smile. Now with quietness around them Eliza finally noticed her phone buzzing about in her pocket, taking it out to find she had several missed calls and a number of frantic messages from Jai.

>I’M LOCKED IN

>WHERE ARE YOU???

>DUDE THERES NOTHING I CAN USE TO PICKLOCK WITHOUT BREAKING THE DOOR

>LIZ IM SORRY I PROMISE TO BRING THE STOCK ON TIME AND NOT DRINK ALL OF YOUR JACK DANIELS WITHOUT YOU

>ITS SO COLD WHY DON’T WE HAVE A HEATER

“Oh shit, I locked Jai in the cafe. I’m sorry I need to go now. Thank you so much again and it was great to meet you to!” Eliza grabbed her bag and waved to Yoongi before dashing straight back to the cafe,

“That was fast,” He commented to himself, turning around to retrieve his own items and noticing a small mug left behind,”Wait! Eliza-“ He went to shout and call her attention back but she was already gone from eyesight,

“Aw man...how am I going to get this back to her?” He sighed and grabbed the forgotten cup, pondering on the nights’ events as he made his way back to his own abode.

~

[scarletrebel]

⭐star⭐ waffle at me about your favourite lines youve written

ohhh friend you have opened a pandoras box and i hope you are ready also thank you aha

so i started…….. picking some lines and made the Executive Decision to just do one fic because i was planning on doing a couple from a handful of fics but turns out im far too prone to waffling about this kind of stuff because i love picking things apart and figuring out why they work because i love fuckign words and the things they evoke and stuff so yeah this is just some fave lines from most recent fic, requital. 

this was part of a ‘directors cut’ writer thing and if anyone has any more prompts, feel more than free to send them my way! 

Requital, Chp. 1: 

His honesty, wrapped tightly underneath a chivalrous act; a throwaway comment to soften the exposure of such a question, draws her closer.

She kisses him, and hopes that even though the motion is countless in the amount of times they’ve come together, that the answer is plain enough. A claim, she hears her own words in her head, tasting the tobacco of his morning cigarette on her tongue, the warmth of the pull at his hands on her hips.

so whilst i cant say this section was directly inspired by the ecdysis book, what i can say is that there is definitely some influence going on here, in particular these two lines from the page ‘synesthesia’:

“Wu Ming is a bonfire in the darkness, and she crawls toward his warmth.”

“Wu Ming leaves his questions by the wayside as he is drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty.” 

and thats not something i realised until i was writing the final draft, and im pretty pleased with myself considering not only is requital going to examine some of the similarities between avia and drifter, but also the fact that ecdysis is probably my favourite book. i mean…… ‘drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty’ what the FUCK KIND OF LINE its gorgeous i cant deal with it or this book or this page or how desperately gorgeous the tragedy of drifter and orins relationship is 

also…… look. im a hopeless romantic. always have been, probs always will be, so when i say avia and rook are soulmates i mean it in the cheesiest way possible. right before this is rook feeling a bit self-conscious about the whole awoken engaging thing, and theres no way avia can actually put into words how irrevocably in love she is with rook. so she kisses him, and hopes beyond hope that she can put those feelings into motions if not words. i also enjoy the small bit of possessiveness that came out of her too, because the whole ‘claim’ thing with the awoken was there since the first draft but this section came in the final edit, she thinks of it so casually but when she goes on to say that she’d actually duel anyone who came between them i…….. would not put it past her to be 100% down to do that. 

rook isnt a bonfire in the darkness, he’s an anchor in the deep, a solid tether when the sea becomes a storm. 

(ayyy where the FUCK WAS THAT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS) 

Requital Chp. 2:

Here’s the thing, if you’ve gone through the trouble of decrypting this (a fortified certain-eyes-only encryption that took me a couple of hundred years to perfect, thank you very much), it at least means you’re interested, so hear me out.

i like this line a lot, for a few reasons. drifter knows avia well enough at this point to be well acquainted with her temper and lack of time for dealing with his nonsense. it’s the first flick of the coin between the two of them, drifter laying the proverbial gauntlet down and at the end of the day, its up to her whether or not she picks it up. 

and she does, avia asks levi to decrypt it, and the first thing she sees is drifter acknowledging that shes done so and asking her to at least hear him out. he’s kind of caught her out, and she can respect that even if thats not at the forefront of her mind. avia also has her own brand of curiosity when it comes to people like the drifter, so this is kind of the first inkling of that. and it also (i hope) makes you wonder if drifter is aware of that curiosity that she has, if he sent the message decrypted on purpose to get her interested. 

She smiles at the note, throws her legs over the bed and stretches around a yawn. Five minutes later, Levi puts her in her armour.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” The Ghost asks. “We don’t have anything urgent to do. There’s breakfast here.”

Avia hums, considering. She moves into the kitchen, glances over the fridge, the cupboards. She looks then onto the sofa, the sprawled pillows, untidy blankets. Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.

“No. I’m not hungry, let’s go.”

“Okay,” Levi says in that tone of voice that lets her know they aren’t buying it. “Should we walk, or transmat?”

Avia notices the balcony door is still open. She walks over and closes it, the streets barely alive as one or two civilians walk to and fro, glancing idly at each other as they pass. “Transmat.”

avia immediately makes an comment about being all domestic with rook in chapter 1. its just not something that suits her in her own mind, and that line (even though i havent waffled about it bc dear god theres too much here already) was something i immediately knew i wanted if i was going to write a day of domestic bliss with her and her fiance, because i knew it’d be a hard thing for her to just get on with like a normal person aha. 

so, we get this part in chapter 2. the domestic bliss is over, and what avia knows best, what shes always known best, is a set of armour and getting back to work. however this part of herself contradicts that which she’s experienced for the past day, and especially the line ‘Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.’ i put in to really reinforce that idea. its not the metal that feels out of place in this scene, its the person in the metal. and her eagerness to transmat straight to the tower rather than walk through the peaceful city streets shows her tendency to run from such thoughts.

this part came really naturally, actually. its a small snapshot into a bigger struggle avia has with herself (especially given the dreaming city, the reef, petra and now potentially going back to the worst part of the shore with drifter) of where she belongs, and more importantly, if she deserves to belong. which is why levi talks to her in that tone because they know what shes doing, theyve seen it so many times before – avia in a scenario that resembles something normal and running from it with no one around to stop her, because in her subconscious she doesnt believe she deserves it. 

“Ada-1, I believe, has fully settled into the Tower. She becomes more and more tolerable of the Guardians by the day. And with the discovery of Niobe labs, her mood has been favourable.”

i had no idea how fun scarlet was to write until i got to this part. she almost has her own language, really. writing ‘im really proud of ada because i spent all morning with her and she was only snippy with like two guardians and shes been really uplifted and im really happy for her since they found niobe labs’ in scarlets own ‘okay but heres the relevant information’ way of explaining things is a challenge but FUN. like, really fun?? 

because scarlet wouldnt be mentioning adas mood if she didnt care, ya know? and its not that she cant say that longer thing about being proud and stuff, its just that she doesnt see the sense in it and its not important information. like, if avia and eden were to spend a dedicated amount of time whittling her down she would absolutely say ‘i am so proud of ada and also i wanna smooch her face how do i do that as an exo’ but its just not a thing for her. but part of the reason why ada and scarlet being together was an idea that i had was because i imagine that line of thinking probably suits ada. 

���It was at Ada’s request. I had more knowledge of the area in its current state, and felt more comfortable talking to Ikora and her Hidden agents than Ada did…”

supportive exo girlfriends. that is all. man ive gotta write more about these two

“Hmm,” Ada wears a concerned stare masked behind a formal rigidity that Avia knows her Warlock teammate best for.

if im being honest, i just really enjoy this line. i imagine its hard for exos to show concern, esp a character like ada and my girl scarlet, so avia has spent a lot of time dissecting certain facial cues and yeah im proud of how this description came out aha

…as if she hadn’t spent the past few months clipping sidelong comments and threatening him when his Gambit veered out of the realm of her control.

avia is a control freak. plain and simple, and i wanted to make that as obvious as possible considering this sentence is only a few away from avia choosing to go and talk to drifter. 

there’s a certain amount of ‘i need to understand this thing that i have limited knowledge on so i can predict/control/plan for it in the future’ in how avia views drifter in general, its a kind-of warlock way of thinking about things but the big difference is avias need for control in these situations is a) selfish and b) only applies to things that she knows she has a good chance of understanding/taming. shes not going around learning about the hive because she has a good understanding that thats a cosmic threat that can only be defended against until it comes. drifter on the other hand is on her doorstep.

i also really loved the contradiction in putting ‘gambit’ and ‘control’ next to each other in a sentence, i kinda hoped it showed how conflicted avia is about going and talking to drifter, and maybe even how naive it is of her to think that it could turn out okay. 

She was incensed, maybe, at the way he spoke to Ada, needed to go and stomp the idea out of his head but he got her talking, like he does

i like this line bc its avia acknowledging that she knows how shes viewed. she knows everyone sees her as a hot-head, she knows her anger veers away from her sometimes and whilst she’s gotten better at getting a handle on it, it’s still an aspect of her that people who dont know her well enough find it hard to get past. 

i also enjoy how new people to this fic/avia in general might not know that this is a big part of her? so she’s trying to use it as an excuse, ‘well no one can blame me if i say i got really mad because thats what i do’ and it (hopefully) tells new people about that aspect of her character without having to show the worst part of it, the convo with ada being an introduction to it i guess – especially since the past few scenes have seen her a lot softer than im used to writing aha. 

“Dammit,” she mutters under her breath. And walks towards the Drifter before she can make a better decision

fun fact – this line was originally ‘and walks down the corridor before she can make a better decision.’ 

i changed it because i wanted to make it more obvious that avia is making a conscious decision to choose drifter, that she’s walking towards a path that she knows is not a good idea. it provides foreshadowing for the allegiance quest and referring to him as ‘The Drifter’ cements it as an idea that she’s walking towards and not necessarily a person. 

[overbakedone]

1

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i  met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol 

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know. 

thanks for listening   i guess 

[autochthonousone]

Shadows Beyond the Wall: Mending Body and Mind

(( Apologies to @the-worst-mercenaries for getting this log out so late! Too long! ))

Shana Deftarm ( @the-worst-mercenaries ) was dirty, bloody, and tired, but atleast it was over. Her lance, or rather what she'd managed to yank free of the wreckage before was mangled, the blade pointing at an angle that wasn't typically seen. She was grimacing, poking at it like perhaps sheer force of will would correct it. She'd see it repaired tomorrow; for now she just wanted to sit and relax without being shot or stabbed.

Barengar Armsbreaker ( @autochthonousone ) disembarked from the airship idly grumbling to himself, his left shoulder rolling back several times as he moved. His gait was slightly askew, the hard landing from the parachute drop still left him less than eager to do too much walking ... or jump from an airship again anytime soon. His eyes swept over the archipelago of floating land masses as his lungs filled with a deep breath. Eyes flickered over to Shana, looking her up and down as he assessed her condition. "One things fer sure."

Barengar Armsbreaker grunted stiffly, "Yer made outta stern 'nough stuff."

Shana Deftarm smirked, hearing the familiar gruff tone of Armsbreaker. "I've had my fair share of Garleans taking their best chance on me, I've yet to meet one that was up to the task." Rather than blowing the hair from her face, she brushed it back behind an ear. The war paint hadn't held up quite as nicely, some places smeared or wiped clean. "You seemed to hold up fairly well. Minus the landing."

Barengar Armsbreaker snorts. Her comment regarding his landing causing his eyes to drop down to his legs and shift his weight back and forth from one to the next. His expression was not terribly pleased looking but that wasn't too far from the norm. "Supposin' it ain't in my first nature ta jump fr'm a flyin' ship." he grumbled before looking back up to Shana, "Spent m're than a few turns dancin' wit' those monstrosities."

Shana Deftarm shrugged, jabbing the lance end into the softer earth to stand on it own, folding her arms. "It was certainly higher up than I've ever attempted, but the ship was a smoother flight than any griffon that wasn't liding could hope for." She chuckled, raising up her shoulders. "I usually kept away from the bigger brutes; it was easier to one-on-one a man than it was one of their magitek monsters. The experience you have with 'em was evident when you dropped 'em to the ground."

Barengar Armsbreaker bobs his head from side to side, considering her words, "They tend ta leave those things guardin' things they ain't keen on seein' destroyed." he snorts, "Ya know, the sorta stuff tha' the bleedin' Resistance plucks're interested in breakin'." He glanced back up at Shana again before making his way over to one of the ledges, "Learn wha' ya gotta ta not wind up six-fulms under."

Barengar Armsbreaker briefly leans over the edge, glancing down into the sea of clouds before taking one step back and shaking his head; grumbling.

Shana Deftarm: "I don't go poking around where I shouldn't be, where Garlemald is concerned." Shana murmured, shaking her head. "Didn't want to give them reason to come find us, or poke around where we hid." She watched him wander close to the side, before looking out at the clouds beyond them. "Didn't think a job would take us all the way up here, at least.

Barengar Armsbreaker rolled his left shoulder back several times, right hand rising up to press against the front of it. His eyes closed as he seemed to be focusing on the wat that the arm moved in the socket. Eventually he exhaled slowly, sounding mildly irritated, and turned around to face Shana once again, "Weren't 'xactly expectin' it m'self." he answered in a low tone, "Bu' m'used to havin' to trek 'bout."

Shana Deftarm was watching Barengar, forehead wrinkled in concentration. She didn't say anything for a few moments, simply frowning before she opened her mouth. "Your shoulder's worse off." It was a statement, punctuated with a sigh as she canted her head to the side. "D'you need to see anyone? You're more..." she waved a hand. "You're more fidgety than I've seen you."

Barengar Armsbreaker grunted once, his head shaking from side to side silently, grumbling under his breath, "Supposin' that I oughta 'ave it seen ta 'gain." His lips pressed into a thin line, "Bu' I ain't 'bout ta die fr'm it righ' here'n now." He lifts his right hand up and gestures vaguely toward Shana, "Yer lookin'  a bit m're busted th'n myself any'ow."

Shana Deftarm shrugged, one hand shifting up to poke up the bullet wound in her arm. "It's not the first time I've been in a battle," she chuckled before dropping her hands to her hips. "It's not even the first time I've been shot. It just felt... better to be swinging the lance around." Shana frowned, looking down at the different injuries that she could see. "Maybe when we get back I'll let Haralt have a look. Or Adun/"

Barengar Armsbreaker bobbed his head to the side, "Ya've got a way of swingin' tha' thing 'round ta be sure." he grunted, eyes tearing away from his shoulder, and his expression looked thoughtful, "Ain't knowin' 'im even 'alf way ta well, bu' fightin' side t'side wit'  the elder Blackblade was an enlightenin' experience. Ain't made that short o' work o' a vanguard n'a long time."

Shana Deftarm chuckled, that grin still in place. "He does nothing but train, or hit things. Its what the man lives for." Her laughing dropped off, the grin turning to a faint smile. "But he always looked out for us. He was the last one over the wall when we came over." She nodded, her eyes going back to Barengar's shoulder before looking at the man himself. "You'd probably get on with him well enough. He doesn't take well to bullshit either."

Barengar Armsbreaker snorts, the man taking an ample amusement at her assessment of his tolerance for 'bullshit'. He bobbed his head to the side, "Yeah m'figurin' tha' 'e an' I 'ave a bit more'n common than mos' folk I meet." He shook his head slowly, "Only thin' we c'n do, in the end, is wha' we're thinkin' oughta be done from what we're given. Right're wrong. If ya do less then yer sellin' yer convictions short." he paused a moment and glanced over to the aetheryte stone, "Soundin' like Blackblade's feelin' th' same in tha' regard."

Shana Deftarm followed the line of his eyes to the Aetheryte, rubbing at a cheek and glancing at her fingers to see how badly she'd been smudged. "I'm surprised Ishgard keeps an outpost here, but it makes sense. Don't want their enemies dropping in literally from the heavens."

Barengar Armsbreaker tipped his head toward the woman in agreement, "S'long as they've got s'me o' the tribes stalkin' 'round out 'ere I figure they're inclined ta keep s'me eyes on it." He paused a moment, glancing back toward Shana, "Figurin' you ain't keen on standin' any longer'n I am."

Shana Deftarm chuckled with a shake of her head. "Can't say that I am, no. Just not fond of lurking about Ishgard even if it's paying me." She took some steps forward, coming along side Barengar. "Any ideas where to go?"

Barengar Armsbreaker lifted his right should in a slight shrug as he turned toward the outpost proper, "Save fer bookin' passage back ta' Thanalan, I'm feelin' tha' this's bein' right far 'nough 'way fr'm the city proper." he wrinkles his nose slightly at the thought of the chill and bustle of the city, "Figurin' that'm inclined ta rest up 'ere 'till next sun." He glances toward Shana, "After all the travelin' fer this job I ain't keen on rushin' 'round s'me more."

Barengar Armsbreaker: "'Course, I din't jus' get shot."

Shana Deftarm smirked, shaking her head. "It didn't hit anywhere important. And that... aura? Ow-rah? Was quick to keep things manageable." The smirk seemed to melt away, her brows drawn together a moment. "I don't sleep much, but I could do with a rest to wind down before I open these up again and bleed all over this fine floating rock."

Barengar Armsbreaker grunted as his head tipped, once more, toward Shana in /nearly/ silent concession. He rolled his left shoulder back once more subconsciously before slowly nodding, "Tha' fella was a righ' bit 'andy ta 'ave 'round." he gestured toward the outpost proper, "Figurin' we ain't gonna be paid much mind if'n we hole up there." He pressed his lips into a thin line, grunting again, "Figurin' tha's m'plan any'ow."

Barengar Armsbreaker: "Ya got bandagin' 'andy? Figurin' ya c'n use s'me o' mine if'n ya ain't 'ad it wrapped proper."

Shana Deftarm: "I've got some," Shana said after a moment, looking at the wound in her arm once more. "It's gonna be another scar," she mumbled, blowing her hair from her eyes. "Can't drink anything either til it's looked at, at any rate." Shana added with a grin. "But you're right. I should get it wrapped up until someone can take care of it."

Barengar Armsbreaker dips his head toward Shana, "Ain't managed ta keep m'self in as one piece as long as I 'ave by bein' reckless wit' wounds." he grunted lowly and began to make his way toward the the outpost, "Ain't one fer rollin' dice."

Shana Deftarm: "Its just hard to keep track, where each one came from." Shana poked at the scar on her face, before dropping her hands to her hips. "Atleast its a reminder what not to do, later." She wandered up to the railing, leaning forward and looking down at the clouds below. "... Its nice, being up here." She said after a pause, eyes darting about the different shapes in the clouds. "Bit cold though." She sighed, pushing up the sleeve of the jerkin. It seemed it had passed straight through her arm.

Barengar Armsbreaker moves over to the railing as they step out onto the lookout, leaning on it in a similar fashion to Shana, eyes lingering over the shifting mass of clouds below. It was odd to him how it seemed so akin to the sea. His attention was stolen away by the inspection of Shana's wound, gaze lingering just long enough to determine the general severity of the damage. "Lookin' like it clipped righ' through without lookin' fer lodgin's.Tha'll make 'ealin' easier."

Shana Deftarm nodded. "I wasn't much looking forward to pulling a bullet out; at least that worked out in my favor." She let the sleeve drop back down, looking around for a pouch she'd kept tucked away. "Did you get cut anywhere, or just took a beating?"

Barengar Armsbreaker reachs back and pulls his weapon from his back, leaning it up against one of the support beams of the building before shifting and allowing more of his weight to rest against the railing, "Jus' a beatin'. Figurin' if'n tha' monstrosity 'ad managed to get a good swipe on me I'd be doin' a lot less standin' 'round on floatin' islands." he snorts slightly, "Tha' au'ra fella managed to mend wha' damage done ta m'bones."

Shana Deftarm frowned a bit, pushing the sleeve back up to reexamine her arm. It was her turn to grumble, dropping down to the ground with a heavy curse. The pouch was set down in front of her, pulling out a tiny square of cloth to clear away some of the blood. "Could be worse. At least you managed to dodge most of the gunfire."

Barengar Armsbreaker settles himself down upon the ground as Shana begins to tend to her wound. The mercenary's eyes watch her movements, trying to judge how familiar she was with the process. He grunted quietly, "S'not so 'ard when yer standin' next ta a bleedin' wall of walkin' metal." he flicked his gaze up from her wound briefly as amused passed over his features, "Fryin' pans and fires. R'somethin' like that."

Shana Deftarm chuckled, shaking her head. "Maybe." She frowned, popping open a jar of something that smelled astringent and sharp. She was scowling as soon as the smell hit her, shaking her head. "I don't mind much the pain when its in the heat of the moment... but after." She sighed, a burst of annoyed air. "Sometimes I'm more annoyed after the fact." She wrinkled her forehead, concentrating, finally settling on pushing the salve just to the edge of the wound on one side but leaving a ring around the immediate wound bare. "... think that's right."

Barengar Armsbreaker watches quietly, bobbing his head to the side, "Easy ta ignore the small wounds when yer still movin' ta keep yer head on yer shoulders." he snorts quietly, "They're a might bit less important when yer comparin' 'em." As she applies the salve he slowly nods his head, "Ain't sure 'xactly what yer usin' bu' I've 'ad ta wrap 'nough wounds in m'time ta know tha's lookin' proper."

Shana Deftarm huffed, flicking her eyes ate Barengar. ".... usually Haralt wraps and binds everything up. I do it too tight, or not tight enough. Too much of this burning, foul-smelling shite or not enough." She sighed, poking at the salve like she wasn't quite sure she'd done even that step right. "Though when I go out to fight I do it until I can't move much anymore. Go right to sleep after."

Barengar Armsbreaker lifted his brow slightly, a slow breath filling his lungs before slowly evacuating. He shifted in his place such that he was resting upon his knees and more directly facing Shana. He held a hand out with his palm upturned, awaiting the roll of bandaging with a stiff grunt.

Shana Deftarm frowned, looking down at the upturned hand. "Can't wrap my own injuries," she said with a sigh, shoulders sagging and head hanging. "At least it wasn't any worse..." Shana looked up with a frown, briefly meeting Barengar's eyes and finally just dropping the roll into his hand. "... Thank you."

Barengar Armsbreaker simply grunted and waved his, for now, free hand in a dismissive gesture. "Ain't anythin' ta be said fer it." he grumbled lowly as he began to pull a length of cloth from the roll, glancing up and down from the roll and Shana's arm as he gauged how much he'd likely need. After a moment he leaned forward and pressed one end upon her arm and began to wrap it around the wound, his voice rumbling quietly at he worked, "Ain't 'xactly easy ta proerly bind yer own arm. All things bein' considered."

Shana Deftarm held out her arm, leaning forward and watching the clouds shifting endlessly. "I still appreciate it all the same." She watched him out of the corner of her eye, winding it up. "Atleast with getting beaten down by monks I never had to worry much about it. Just memorized the bruise-rainbow to figure where I was in the healing process."

Barengar Armsbreaker snorts, "Findin' yerself fightin' wit' Blackblade of'en then." he shook his head slowly, grumbling under his breath as he concentrates on making sure the wrapping was secure enough to apply  proper pressure without cutting off circulation wholesale. As soon as he was satisfied with his work he looked up toward Shana, "How's tha' feelin'?"

Shana Deftarm flexed her arm, wrapping her hand around the bandage. "Seems well enough to me." She sat up a bit straighter, stretching out her shoulders without getting up. "Don't feel it so much, now. Still feels like we tangled up with the wrong side of a bear."

Barengar Armsbreaker stifled a single chuckle as he set the roll of bandages down beside Shana, the sound rumbling as it was caught in his throat. He rolled his left shoulder back once again before scooting on the floor such that he could stretch out his legs. They weren't being terribly agreeable. "Bein' righ' honest I'd be less keen on tanglin' wit' a bear than one o' those machines."

Barengar Armsbreaker flicks his gaze over to Shana, "Bears get angry. Desperate. Machines're bein' as consistent as ya c'n get. Makes fightin' 'em less o' a game of wits, supposin' ya know what yer gettin' inta."

Shana Deftarm smiled, giving her arm one more flex. "You're right... at least with a bear you can see how much it wants you dead," she wrinkled her nose like she'd caught scent of something bad. "But those machines, there's nothing there. I don't like helmets or masks for that reason." She picked at the edge of her jerkin, finding a new hole where something had tried to stab her and missed. "I want to see their eyes. I want them to see mine." Shana let go of another sigh, leaning back. "Sounds, odd I know."

Barengar Armsbreaker pressed his lips into a thin line as he listened, his head bobbing to the side slightly, "Ain't feelin' the same 'bout it m'self." he grunted, "But I figure ya ain't the only one." There was a brief pause, his eyes wandering over to the open sky as he further considered her words, "Supposin' it's dependin' on 'oo I'd be fightin'."

Barengar Armsbreaker: "Some plucks jus' ain't worth frettin' o'er."

Shana Deftarm: "They're not. It's just," Shana started, then shrugged. "They won't think a second after I fall, I know that much. But I can hope. Maybe that split second, they'll regret what put us there together." She held up a hand, pinching together two of her fingers. "Its different here working. There's nothing between me n' whoever we got paid to take care of... but each time I take the lance up I think about fighting to stay alive back in Gyr Abania. Even when I'm a world away from that bloody conflict."

Barengar Armsbreaker continued to linger his gaze upon the skies, his expression a thoughtful one as he listened to Shana. A quiet hum of consideration rumbled within his chest before his voice quelled it and rose to offer his own words in reply, "Ain't a stranger ta tha' feelin'." he admitted quietly, "Spent a lot time simply jus' tryin' ta stay alive."

Shana Deftarm: "We all do in our own way." Shana answered, as she continued to poke at the hole she'd found. "And it looks like we came out the otherside, mostly whole if alittle scarred." She smiled, a hand coming up to touch the scar on her face. "I don't mind them much; its just the healing that's bothersome." She glanced at him, cocking her head to the side. "Just have to make sure you get the most out of your time."

Barengar Armsbreaker lifts his chin slightly, eyes locked upon the stars that twinkled within the sky. It would seem that Shana's words had pushed the mercenary into a moment of reverie, his thoughts consuming his attention for a time. A few moments passed by and he took in a deep and slow breath, "Ya ain't wrong about that." he murmured almost to himself. He lifts up a hand and touches it to his own scar upon his face, "Ain't much ta 'em, I figure. Though I ain't got as many as s'me would think of a fella in my line o' work."

Shana Deftarm: "Just mean's you're good at what you do. Or armored." Shana said, less interested in the stars and more at the clouds. She sat quiet for a while, eyes searching the fluffy masses while she traced the ridges in the wood they were sitting on. "... I get worried that the time's coming the more they push to Ala Mhigo. That's a fight that's going to go bloody no matter how many ways it's turned."

Barengar Armsbreaker drums his fingers along the wood of the platform, his tongue clicking off the top of his mouth, "Got a feelin' that ya ain't wrong there, Deftarm, " he grumbled quietly, "Ya'd 'ave ta be right naive not ta see the writin' on the wall." His gaze drops away from the stars and fixated upon the toe of his boot, "Bloody's likely ta be the best o' it. Figure it's gonna give the ol' King o' Ruin a run fer 'is money."

Barengar Armsbreaker: "Rememberin' 'nough o' that ta know that ain't anythin' anyone wants."

Shana Deftarm sighed, looking almost like she was sulking. There was a bitter shadow to her eyes, the smile long gone from her face. "I can wish I was wrong. But we'll see." She blew the hair from her eyes, pushing it back behind her ears yet again. "We'll see what kind of hole the Resistance digs for themselves. Hopefully they don't drag anyone else down on top of them."

Barengar Armsbreaker slowly shifted his gaze over to Shana, eyeing the woman for a silent moment before responding with a low grunt. He rolled his left shoulder back again, thoughts brewing within his mind before they were given voice, "They're gonna be diggin' a hole ta be sure," he deep voice rumbled quietly, "But m'knowin' well 'nough 'ow ta keep m'self from fallin' in." The man dipped his head toward Shana, "Figurin' I could offer ta do the same fer yerself, should I see tha' pit commin' in front o' ya."

Shana Deftarm turned to look at Barengar, quietly studying him. The frown stayed, though it seemed like she was looking through him rather than at him, thoughts running through her head. "... I'd appreciate that. Before I get dragged down after the two idjits running straight in." She chuckled, but it was dry, colder than she usually spoke. "Gods help me, I'm a fool."

Barengar Armsbreaker snorts, his head bobbing to the side slightly, "Gods ain't gonna 'elp anyone. Better ta rely on somethin' ya c'n know'n see." By the look in her eyes he could tell that it was not him that she was looking at, his head tilting back slightly to look up at the cloth covers above viewing platform,  "Only thin' tha' c'n be done is makin' good on the 'and yer bein' delivered. Ain't alway a pretty one."

Shana Deftarm did crack a smile at that, shaking her head. "No. They never did care to help now did they?" She poked at her bandage again. "I keep hoping maybe I'll draw an ace, but all I'm getting are duds. Never saw much point in complaining."

Barengar Armsbreaker dipped his head toward Shana, "Tha's a refreshin' change o' pace, if'n ya ask me." he answered in a nearly wry manner, snorting quietly. Either he was being dismissive or he had just amused himself, it was difficult to say which.

Shana Deftarm chuckled, looking down at the planks. "I mean I could complain, I don't think anyone would care much for a lazy Ala Mhigan refugee that doesn't have the mind or heart to go where she apparently belongs. Rhalgr smite your foes and what not," she waved her hand with a laugh, shaking her head. "No. I'd much rather stay here and carve a life out. Eorzea isn't as bad that it would have me running back to try and capture Ala Mhigo all over again."

Barengar Armsbreaker slowly nodded his head, grumbling quietly to himself, "Ain't gotta remind me o' that." he exhaled sharply, the thought causing him measurable distaste, "Bunch o' plucks gettin' buried in the past." He shook his head, "But I ain't about ta tell anyone else what they oughta do. Ain't my place nor m'inclination." He glanced over at Shana, "Ain't 'as 'ard ta do as s'me would 'ave ya think."

Shana Deftarm: "Time doesn't stop just when you leave a place." Shana muttered to herself, looking down at her hands. "I keep saying it, hoping someone would listen. But they have this idea in their heads that everyone back there is frozen in time, but they moved on without them." She groaned, sitting back on her arms again. She could feel the weakness in the shot arm, already tired. "Maybe it won't sink in until they see what happened when they thought their piece of the world stood still."

Shana Deftarm turned to look at Barengar, neither frowning nor smiling. She just seemed tired. "I can't tell them what they should be doing either but maybe they'll listen when they finally see it, and realize its too late."

Barengar Armsbreaker turned his head, gaze meeting Shana's for a moment with a mirrored stoicism. Though his expression was well schooled there was no doubting his resolve. A slow breath filled his lungs before he simply pulled his arms up from there place behind him and allowed his back go fall back flat against the wooden floor. His attention now forecefully redirected to the sky above once more. "S'my experience tha' folks'll 'ear wha' they wanna believe. But ..." he muttered quietly to himself as his head rolled so that he could look toward her once more, " ... Foolish as I might be thinkin' it ... s'speakin' volumes 'bout yerself that ya stick ta yer convictions in that regard."

Shana Deftarm smiled, sitting up to keep the wound from reopening. "I did say I was a fool," she answered after a while, shaking her head with that same fool grin. She looked at him again as he rested on the platform, cocking her head to the side. "Tired?"

Barengar Armsbreaker grunted quietly in response, lifted his hands to rest them upon his abdomen, eyes following her moments quietly as she shifted about at the behest of her wound. "Surprised that you ain't."

Shana Deftarm: "Hah. Never said I wasn't," Shana chuckled. "I just don't sleep well or easily." She stretched her shoulders again, her good arm over her head. "I don't mind just watching the clouds while you doze."

Barengar Armsbreaker kept his gaze level upon the woman for awhile longer before he simply grunted. He was certain that the woman had her own reasons for finding sleep elusive and he wasn't about to pry into them. Loathe as he was to be the subject of questions himself. "Figure I migh' do that." he grumbled quietly.

Shana Deftarm grinned, looking out at the clouds. "Mm. Rest well, Armsbreaker."

Barengar Armsbreaker grunted once again, though the harshness of the sound of it was dwindling as he began to drift off. Any words that he might have muttered were lost before that left the tip of his tongue.

[ecotone99]

[MF] A teaser of what it may eventually end up being a novel

Well, first Hi! this is my first post here (so, sorry if im not used to the full lenght of rules and stuff).

English is also not my first language, So I spent the last 3 hours trying to translate this little thing in something readable, sometimes with the help of a translator, so, sorry if there an inconsistency here and there, limited vocabulary or something just... off (yo can obviously criticize it too so I can do it better next time, but my focus is the story per se)

Anyway, the story is based on a dream I had a weeks ago, involving a grim future for my old TRPG character. I hope you find something of it enjoyable!

optional Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vhfXiym9iiIwvtJgPKXvHjPkIeUnBBhd6_-g_2R0JPg/edit?usp=sharing

- … This old factory should do - huffed Marcus with a trembling voice - That shelving over there seems to be out of sight enough. You guys should hop in and get some sleep

We all nodded, trying our best to rest.

To my right, John tried to cheer Sean, locked in his eternally taciturn semblance. I ignored if Sean thought that rediscovering each other in a place and time like this was inappropriate, or if his seriousness simply hid a mousy child in the body of an adult. Or maybe I was just projecting my own thoughts and concerns on them. Who knows?

As an answer, Sean simply muttered something unintelligible and turned his body out of my sight.

John made a grimace and looked at me

- You. Specially you, should get some rest too, Anon - For ...Months? Years? All my life? I've spent a so long without talking, that the name stuck with me, after that time on which they tried to guess my birth-given one for the first time in a jolly gust of timid laughter. They gave up, calling me “anonymous”, and “Anon” stayed, almost like an insignia of our path interlacing. - Don’t listen to that jackass, just close your eyes. We will be fine.

My whole silent answer was staring at him bluntly, ignoring his concern for me, and continued sitting on my own legs, using the stinging pain as a catalyst for my concentration. It wasn’t working.

- Use this - Said a voice climbing the shelving, handing me the bucket in her little hands and urging me to use my “second vision” on the water and oil paints she found and poured in. It was Mariah. A little girl we found on the road and that, despite having taken me as an “old sis” and mimic me, she was obviously too young to rely on. I didn't trust her.

I simply leaned over my side, releasing some of the pressure on my legs and her constant wounds, and observed the countless patterns of colors, overlapping one on top of the other, and taking me, partially, to that distant and treacherous place that was the “future”.

It was strange, without a doubt. The visions. Despite their symbolism, they felt so… real. And yet, I was well are of my own eyeballs crossing over and over, as if each one decided on following a pattern on its own. I was vaguely aware of the heavy breathing coming from Sam, to my right, and his need for an inhaler we couldn't provide. And of course, I was aware of the frank concern coming from Mariah in front of me. What was about that kid that made me feel so uneasy? I couldn't tell

Soon I wasn't there at all. I was still at the factory, but the darkness of sunset wrapped the place on a mantle of shadows. A double edged blade.

I observed through the windows, but instead of ruins, that place was exuberant with life; Bags and boxes all over the relatively unpolluted place, surround machinery that rather than dead seemed to just be catching breath for work on the next day. Among the rust - on where the rust was supposed to be, a moment ago - a head rushed in my field of vision, whispering something I couldn't quite grasp, almost as if I was trying to hear that voice underwater, but interpreted as danger and urge. So I woke up the unfortunate lovebirds on my right. Only that “second” Mariah, looking me worried through that veil that muffled her words, gave away the unhappy secret that was realizing that world wasn’t real. Through the veil, not only voices but faces blurred too, and bodies had a strange nuance of hue on them, as if time wasn’t sure on which speed to move. But I could have accepted all that as real If I really tried with all I had. I wonder why I had never done that; Surrendering myself entirely to that place and live the infinite possibilities of an uncertain future, until my body consumed itself in the present. I thought about it, while a little unruly voice in the back of my head tried to remind me of the past.

Ignoring that third-layer of thoughts, I doubled my efforts and the vision became more clear.

In silent despair, we observed how countless soldiers surrounded us from every angle, only betrayed by the friction of their clothing, and that strange light slicing darkness in half and giving away the rest of their team, one after the other, while our panic grew like a boiling red-hot ball of steel in our throats.

We ran as fast as we could without revealing ourselves, but we knew that sooner or later the creak of the metal, or the rustle of the boxes that so generously hid us would give us away. Sooner or later our sounds would reach the ears of our foes, so, While pointing at the exit, Marcus sprinted in the other direction, trying to get their attention and give us an opening.

Skidding, yet avoiding all the shots so far, he retraced his steps, tossing shelvings and its content away indiscriminately to hinder the soldiers, but they were flooding the place in droves, threatening with ambush him sooner rather than later. I bit my lip and pledged to avoid that sacrifice.

While impeding guilt started to creep in, one of the soldiers managed to find us through his scope. About to suffer the same fate as our most recent saviour, John interceded just in time, hushing our sentence with a kick and a crack.

We crossed the door and ran. We crossed walls, just to find more and higher walls. More vast areas, more exuberant trees and buildings, and with each step more and more people. We were getting close to that city downton, and a nightly festival seemed to welcome us.

Panting, we tried to blend in the crown, but we were sticking out too much. The looks of the locals perched in us more times that I would have tolerated normally if I were alone. But two hands firmly squeezed my wrist as a warning, and we continued our walk of shame, dirty, ragged and exhausted, through the crowd. We passed by multitude of people and food stands, and I think even our destiny, because Mariah suddenly gasped something in her native language that I couldn't understand.

It sounded like a warcry full of pain.

And the soldiers surrounded us.

In reality, I was vaguely noticing the tears of rage falling down my cheek, while Mariah, the authentic, landed her strangely cold hand on my arm, taking me out of my stupor with the shock. I tried to control my anger, rooting down in so many levels that I couldn't even justify them anymore, in vain.

Like scoffing us, Marcus climbed up to us, letting those eyes full of scars for everyone to see.

- We are surrounded.

Despite the sunlight still high in the sky, I knew what that meant to us, and it wasn’t good. Panicking, I ignored Marcus words and refuses his future sacrifice jumping down to the floor. Mariah tried to follow me, but she tripped with a cable. I stood there in shock for a second, but then acridly accepted that some things cannot be changed and kept running.

Trying to stay out of the sight of the soldiers through the windows and the countless doors that had collapsed in that place over the years, I saw, briefly, how Marcus urged Mariah to climb again, but there was no more time. John and Sean took each others hands and jumped out of my field of vision. I couldn’t see any of them anymore, nor I could go back. All I heard were shots and shouting, witnesing how both started to fade and become more and more infrequent. My panic grew higher, but I was able to control my breathing, and without looking back managed to outflank most of the guards, thanks to my size. It did not looked like they had my description, so it would be a while before they realized one of us was missing.

That was my chance. I crossed the lintel of the window, taking one piece of the broken glass while ignoring the pain, and moved on. Most of the soldiers were already inside the factory, or taking care of what I knew deep inside now were probably no more than the inert carcasses that were once my friends.

But a soldier remained, almost in front of me. I never knew if it was there to check every possible exit fulfilling his duty, or was left behind to lace his boots but it didn’t matter anymore. When he saw me, like a shadow, I jumped on to him slicing his throat, while the shard of glass carved deeper into the flesh of my palm, in protest. I considered taking their car, but that would have been very stupid and the death of that soldier meaningless, and less than silent.

While considering my options, and imperative and deep shout rumbled inside the factory sending a chill down my spine. They probably saw me or the dead soldier. So I started running.

I ran and ran, and ran desperate between the hills of that narrow street, cursing my short legs, swearing over my wounds, old and new, and blaspheming all kind of profanities over my luck and cowardly. But when I finally looked back, despite being able to hear them in the distance, I saw no soldier behind. It was my chance!

“You are alone… again.”

I ignored the gloomy thoughts and kept running, this time at a more inconspicuous way that allowed me to conceal my wounds and catch my breath again. I looked over each and every house, trying to find a suitable one to hide, but mostly I only found walls, tall metal fences, dead ends and dogs on the other side. Neither would make for a clean getaway. Not in time. Definitely not without leaving a huge blood trail. I squeezed my hand even harder against my chest and let out a frustrated sob, just when I saw a home with the gates wide open, almost as an invitation.

I knew it was risky, and perhaps even obvious, but I crossed over to that garden without further hesitation, and encompassing the house I started to think once more on my options. It was then when I heard little screams. Startled at first, but nostalgic not long after, realizing they came from several childrens playing and running around. It must have been a birthday party.

They hadn’t see me yet. Should I just simply open the door and beg for asylum? Maybe hide in their furniture? None of those options had a happy ending in my head. While I saw a little girl that could not be more than four, hugging someone that could not be other than her mother, I used the last of my strength, and with eyes blurred by effort and tears, I climbed to the roof.

But apparently life is never that kind, and luck stroke me greatly, when I saw the little girl say something and point at me directly through the window. However I was too weak to deal with it, and never knew if someone else than the little girl managed to see me.

Not like it mattered anymore, sooner or later the soldiers would get with my trail and cross their path with that family. And what would happen then when a little kid described the person that killed one of their own? I did not wanted to give them more means to find me, nor I wanted to check what those bastards decided to do with the witnesses.

I jumped from roof to roof, almost as if my time suspended in the air was trying to match the weight on my heart and the little content of my stomach. The back of my head was barely aware of the fact that those modern roofs were starting to get partly replaced with wood and clay tiles, filling the outline of my sight with nostalgia.

“Just a little more…”

About to fall more than once, my grip on those surfaces started to get ferocious, while I lost the one I had on reality. One last jump, and without realizing when, suddenly there was only void under my feet, as I landed on the hill of the home that saw me grow.

Bewildered, I walked down that rocky grassland, but the steps became a trot, and those irregular strides were soon replaced by jubilous little howls, in a body a bit older and more impatient than the one left behind to run down the hill. And as I ran, I hopped over the rocks, even skipping some, and trying to jump as high as I could to look over the chasm of my little mountain. For the first time in a long time I was laughing out loud again, immersed in my little memory.

Before long, I approached the big tree. And old oak under which two families were celebrating something I couldn't recall. Eating together, while the breeze caressed each of the present faces, promising Spring.

By the time someone noticed me, I was already in between the group of elders. A kid, somewhat younger than me at the time came to meet me. But my ardour laid elsewhere, and I took the advantage of a big boulder, to jump over him and grab one of the lower branches of the tree. In the end, it took me a few attempts, but I made it.

Of course, what I wanted wasn’t to climb the tree per se, I knew that eventually the branches would end up being too thin to hold my weight, and the foliage would have hindered the view either way, no; What I wanted was but that little treasure that caught the corner of my eye and I refused to let go. Just a couple more jumps, and before I realized, the little slugbunny was in my hands. White as snow to camouflage in the winter, despite its fast fur adaptation to the environment, it wasn't quick enough to avoid the surprise of an early spring, as the tree leaves became a delatory red.

Without much effort, I tried to twist his neck, but my hands were too small, and the animal were struggling too hard. However, just before I lost my prey, the kid came to me and offered his help. He finished his suffering off while I held the body, now motionless, that I showed off like a trophy to the elders, that ended up sighing and scolding me, but also laughing and cherishing my skills.

The afternoon went by faster than I thought, and the apprehension of forgetting something important was long one. Under the ebbing sun, the boy took some courage and with it my hand, taking me where his words couldn't be heard by the rest of his family.. He promised me… what was he saying?

I couldn't make out the words, and the wind now howling along the birds, carrying dust and leaves with it, forced me to squint my eyes. Ours met, and I knew who that kid was, and everything else came back to my head in a rush, like a bucket of cold water.

When I woke up, I was lying on a prairie, much different from the one that lit up the memories of my childhood. Dirty, mauled but surprisingly relatively intact. At least no broken bones that I could tell. I observed how the sunset contrasted with the summit I jumped from while running away, several meters above me, and that building that last saw me loose consciousness, now without a trace of those old clay tiles on wooden roofs. Much less the people that already had their last breath long ago. Now that I was awake, I wondered if those crimson bricks were the only witnesses of my fall…

Not without effort, I got up in my feet, and continued my way.

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