#im only on here on desktop and nothing wants to load

[skelliewrites]

Is tumblr desktop not loading for anyone else or is it just my shitty laptop

[duck-era-lexi]

30 days writing challenge masterpost

Im gonna reblog this as i go

Write about a first kiss (8/16/23)

How did we get here? And more importantly, how do I do this?

She sits on my bed, cross legged and I can feel her eyes flying everywhere, taking in every piece of my messy dorm room. I try to tell myself it's okay as I take a seat in my gaming chair. She locks eyes with me and my heart starts to race.

"Hi," I say, because I am an idiot and don't know how to speak when a pretty girl is sitting in my room.

"Hi!" She lifts a finger. "Can you show me how you play? I want to see you bridge real time."

My face heats up, despite her asking me for just about the tamest thing on planet earth. While my PC is loading, I disappear into my roommate's room to grab the his spare chair for her to sit on. She sits right beside me, and our knees touch.

I feel safe on the bridging server, and I can feel my worry disappear as I get times of 4.000, 3.900- and after saying to her, "Shit, that was a fluke," she laughs and I get the 3.750 everyone raves about.

She whoops for me, and apparently she's bored now because she stands up and returns to my bed, shifting her back against the headboard. I don't know what to make of this. My courage waivers by the second, but it must be a good sign if she's sitting on my bed, right? That means intimacy, to say the least.

She's speaking about my game and how my setup is nothing like she expected, and I remark about the fact that my desktop is pretty much the only defining feature in my room.

"You undersell yourself," she says, which is funny because no one's ever told me that.

The thing I was about to say is really cringe inducing when I think about it, so I don't say anything and end up just staring at her, which is probably the worst thing I could've done in that moment. She stares back at me, eyes wide. My heart is pounding so bad that my knee jerks.

"Can I kiss you?" I say without breathing.

It's the longest second of my life before she nods.

I scoot towards her. Every millimeter feels like a mile.

She smiles slightly. I don't think she intends to, but it's cute. I wonder if she's going to say something, but before I can find out, I press my lips against hers lightly.

Three or so seconds later, she says, "Your eyes are really pretty. I didn't know how blue they were."

"Thanks." My response is awkward. I really am not sure what to do now.

She reaches a hand up and ruffles my hair. I have a sneaking suspicion from the way her hand shakes that I am not the only one feeling a little stressed.

"You look confused," she notes.

"That was my first kiss," I admit.

"Same. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Would it make you feel better if it was?"

"I don't really care."

She smiles. "The other one didn't count. Thanks, I guess."

"It's all good," I say. "Thank you to you, too."

"We are so strange."

"I'm cool with that," I say, shrugging.

[fictionfixations]

spoiler alert: i get SO off topic talking about other stuff. (if you cant tell i like talking. or well expressing my thoughts. anyway its 2 am i can use the excuse of impulse actions from lack of sleep)

i dont even know why im trying when obviously the next update is going to require even more storage and im going to have to drop it (its like 50 gb in actuality but it needs double to like. open it and do SHIt. i dont know this stuff man)

ahghgusihdfiufh (it was worse. ive. deleted a bunch of stuff that i dont play as much.

only games left are Star Rail (which im not dropping. ive poured so much time genuinely invested in story and characters idk what im gonna do when i run out of space to play. maybe cry.), Roblox (i genuinely dont know how much storage its taken, and I don't play it that much but LISTEn it fills a lot of game cravings that i cant play the source cause holy shit my storage.), Osu (the only game i can play without wifi.)

i wanna play the other games on mobile (i used to play star rail on mobile ngl LMFAO then realized 'hey this is fun' and moved to pc after genshin got too big. or maybe i had both at the same time i cant remember now ghreuigh) but uhm. the farthest i get in wuwa on mobile is like the opening loading screen before we see the rovers (it just stops there. even the music stops i think?? ive left it on and did other stuff but nothing happened and its either it wants me to wait super long, or theres just no hope) i did the tutorial for solo leveling arise on mobile but then trying to do literally anything else (like trying to access the menu) kicks me out of the game so then i had to move to pc. genuinely scary game first time around it shut down my pc, and even at lowest graphics kept warning me that 'for smoother gameplay you should have lower graphics' or something so fan on all the time (i have a fan pointed directly at my laptop.) and honestly. im not even that big of a fan of solo leveling why am i here (meilin fisher that is why. anyway i got her. so. shes not even an actual character outside the game??) ive literally only seen the anime and i forgot most of it😭

zzz on my phone is just black screen. it kicks me out. the farthest ive gotten is it asking if i want notifications but it still kicks me out

identity v i cant even download everything i think, i just have it to log in for pc. but uhm. i guess i cant anymore? but also i cant remember if i can still log in through other methods so uh its staying on mobile (to be fair i only got super into it cause of danganronpa collab so)

oh i found whatever it was that was taking 2 gb on desktop LMFAO

no wonder i was so confused on wtf it was

anyway. um. this is very much a shame. cause. i only get so invested in stories in games because im actually playing them. otherwise i cant guarantee im fully focused cause i get distracted so easily. um.

now about mobile storage and everything

uh. i have an iphone 6 pro. no idea if thats bad or not but uh. probably not that great. ? ? idk man idk how it compares to newer phones i want to get a new phone (at least for all the games i cant play on that phone) but then i got an iphone case cause my former one was actually cracked so... its staying (from the zzz website)

so its probably the phone in all honesty thats the issue (people were talking about who they wanted to play when starting the game and i got myself all hyped over ellen so. d'aww.)

and in the case its actually storage.. uh. tough luck. nu carnival is. a gacha game. and i got the character i wanted there, but its more convenient to go through like daily kinda stuff. ..also confession time if yk the difference uh. listen it was a hassle downloading it im not gonna delete it then have to reteach myself how tf to download it again because oh my god

twisted wonderland (aka disney tw LOL) is my OTHER fixation besides star rail. ive gone through all the story (including JP which i dont have cause i cant read it but fan translations for the win) + most event stories (i havent gone through anniversaries, new year sale 2024 JP, and like i think theres a crewel one rn..? or thats just the new card., tapis rouge, playful land, thats it). i love this game. so much.

if i told you ibis paint x used to take i think like so much more space because it still had the stuff since the VERY beginning... anyway idk what to use it for now but if i ever need to edit something...

kinemaster ^

i kinda already talked about identity v

bang dream. i LOVE rhythm games. and pretty designs. and vocaloid. and japanese songs.

in all honesty i lose interest in things so fast and drop them. then i get interested in other things, etc etc. and then i get back to a fixation on, say, rhythm games and wanting to play them a lot. then i can get bored and get interested in like. idk. life simulation(?) games like sims 4. or minecraft specifically the wynncraft server (which is like a fantasy thing..)

which is kind of why i have a bunch of stuff that i dont play often still because one day im gonna want to play it and then go back.

for laptop i just got rid of the games i wasnt interested in playing at the moment so. yeah

anyway if you cant tell i like talking about stuff. and justifying stuff (well its more like it started because i was worried to be judged. ive never been judged over what i like?? only like. once or twice?? that i can recall? but at one point i just started getting in the habit of justifying beforehand for everything after seeing the internet with their pitchforks directed at so many people so. yee.)

off topic. ive checked in on tiktok sometimes. and i just wanna say. how often is it that y'all get comments on old posts that are just variations of 'reminder' or 'remember this' ?? LISTEn the amount of comments that just say "reminder" and THATS IT (bro someone commented 'reminder' TWO times on the SAME post like DAMN. i mean they commented on someone else's comment on that post too with 'reminder' so probably trying to bother someone else but like wHY)

like. i mean. ive posted cringey shit hasnt everyone but it kinda feels like they're trying to shame people? like 'haha remember your past?'

maybe im sensitive. i mean. if this was past me i wouldve probably taken it to heart since yknow its still a work i created, but honestly now its just kinda funny

but idk if anyone else is being bothered by this (i mean. people generally go through old posts and delete ones they dont like right? i kinda dont do that so i mean. maybe yall are better off for that)

just wondering.

[onewingedangels]

.

[bokuroaka]

hi! can i ask how u made ur carrd like what are the settings? ty!

omg YES i love carrd making hi anon. if there’s anything specific u want just lmk!! under the cut bc its long... i make most of my carrds on desktop so this is very desktop based.... to all of u who do ur carrds on mobile honestly kudos i cld never

uhm also when i say long like this is v long bc i added a lot of reasoning to my settings n tips that i’ve picked up on making carrds (plus the screenshots) i hope it helps tho ^_^ apologies if u knew most of this stuff tho bc i explained... everything...

some notes before we get in: for colors i usually just base everything off the sidebar image and use a color picking website (i use this one) to get the the html codes for colors. the site i use also generates a palette which i also use! ur free to use anything tho obv. the font i used is “inter” 

1. ok first here are my page settings! i wont include my animation settings now ill leave that to the end.. these r rlly the only settings that i’ve changed so i’ll just post these.

ok i dont rlly change much except for these two, the position is set to top not center (which is the default) b/c esp w carrds like the one i have now i dont like the header portion moving depending on the height of the container underneath... does that make sense? that’s just super nitpicky of me LOL but if u do end up making the carrd n playing around w the settings u’ll see what i mean

the width is set to 22 bc i like small carrds! play around w this as u see fit, i also change it depending on how it looks like in mobile (im very thorough lol) if ur wondering how u can do that on desktop, its this phone looking icon on this bar on the top right of the screen: (the 6th icon!)

the next pic is also default settings except my spacing is set to 0. i’ll explain why later! the alignment also doesnt really matter w/ this carrd. u can play around with it tho!

2. this is for the home page!

first i’ll explain how this is set up: the title box and the box under it (i’ll call it info box) are both containers! here is why i put set the spacing to 0 earlier: if u put 2 containers theres going to be space btwn them and to achieve this kind of look (ig) i just set the page spacing (in the page settings) to 0. however this means that everything is going to be pressed up against each other so i usually just add dividers (which are transparent [color code is #96969600]) i wont post a screenshot bc the settings r default, except for the margins which u can play around with to see what works for u (it’s set to 0.375 for me rn)

here are my settings for the title box 

most of these r pretty standard except for the padding and border. the reason why i didnt tick the bottom part is bc of the container w all my info underneath. both containers have borders so the bottom & top border of those containers wld just merge n create a thicker border which isnt what i was looking for... anyway.

then i just add a text element & just write my title! idt my settings for that r relevant so i wont add it (the text size is 0.875)

next is the info box! here are my settings: 

btw this is a container with columns!! those can look p wonky on mobile so make sure to have these settings on so that they wont look awful on mobile!!

oh also i wont post a screenshot of my text settings (text size is 0.75 + line spacing is 1.25) if ur wondering how i changed colors for some of the text the format is basically just [text]{#color} 

for the image size i set the width size to full (or full column) that depends on u (and how much text u put in the info part) i just prefer how it looks like when the image width is set to full bc that way no part of the image is cut off... really depends on u and what image ur using though so just play around w/ it!!

and in terms of spacing, i have a divider on top of the title box b/c otherwise the whole thing is just too high up for my taste

ok now to explain the header part and how i got my title/info box to stay “fixed”

so... im ngl. i dont understand how the header function works (help) so uhh i wont go as into detail here. but what worked for me is adding a header marker (the plus thing on the bar > control > change section break to header marker) right after the info container, then adding a section break (this one is called #wala bc wala here means ‘nothing’ in bisaya lol) and a transparent divider right after it. i hope its visible in the pic... anyway this is the only method i found that makes the carrd work lmao. it rlly doesnt matter what u name the #wala section break bc its not gonna show up so u might as well just use a keysmash

3. the extra info!! (extra, interests, byf)

this section will b shorter compared to the first two LOL anyway. first i started off w a section break (#usa which means 1 in bisaya hehe), then a transparent divider for spacing, and then a container! theres nothing fancy abt this container it has the exact same settings as the info box above so u can just duplicate that container and change the container type from columns to default.

then just add ur info and ur done!! repeat w whatever extra info u want to add (i only had 3 to add so it looks like this for me)

4. oh before i forget, these are my animation settings!! (page > the triangle thing)

u can preview the on load animation by clicking the triangle button on the top right bar, but for the on section change animations u have to save then preview it on ur carrd itself :/ kinda annoying but yeah... i usually never set anything above 0.5 seconds for on section change animations bc im impatient LOL 

these r completely optional tho... i just think animations make the carrd look smoother & more fun!

thats it i think! here are some tips i have

1. this tip is abt how carrds can differ when on mobile! i sometimes fiddle around with the mobile settings to make sure my carrd looks the way i want it to on mobile! bc mobile sometimes fucks up the spacing and it annoys me LOL... example here: 

u can find these settings if u scroll down a bit on the page settings and switch mobile from auto to manual (like in the screenshot) most of the settings i dont touch except the size setting, i just fiddle around w it and see how my carrd looks in the mobile view until im satisfied

2. this isnt rlly necessary but its smthn neat i picked up! if u check ur section break settings and check hide footer u can get rid off the “( made with carrd )” text on the bottom! i think it just makes the carrd look a bit neater, esp since the page spacing is set to 0 so it might look a little squished under the container...

3. i like to use all elements of my carrd efficiently (ig? heres the engineering major jumping out) and idk if u noticed, but if u click on the title (”it has always been once for me”) or the image (which is... of tbz..) it actually takes u back to the home page ^^ idk i just think small things like that r neat 

thats it for real!! i hope this wasnt too much of a hassle to read or follow through, and if u have any questions dont hesitate to dm me or send me an ask, even if we arent mutuals!! i hope u have fun making this carrd <3

[turtle-steverogers]

Not Guilty- 2

murder mystery’s back! im having too much fun with this story guys

Link to chap 1 in case you need it

warnings: albert being a human disaster, abuse of the word ‘milk’

ship: ralbert, platonic spalbert

word count: 1680

editing: lmaoooo no

Chap 2

When Albert gets to the precinct the next morning, he’s wary to find a wrapped parcel on his desk that looks suspiciously like a sandwich.  He pokes at it, frowning when he sees a singular smiley face drawn on the underside in black sharpie.

 “Hey, uh, Spot?” He calls, looking up when he hears his partner’s chair roll out from his desk and subsequently poke his head around the low wooden wall that separates their cubicles.

“Yes, honeycakes?” Spot’s expression is the face of innocence and Albert’s stomach churns.

“Did you-” He stumbles, gesturing to the presumed sandwich, “Is this for me?”

“It’s on your desk, isn’t it?” Spot smiles, rolling back into his cubicle.

Albert sighs, taking off his messenger bag and jacket and sitting heavily in his desk chair.  He cautiously unwraps the white paper to find a loaded meatball sub sitting in the middle of a napkin.  There’s a sticky note placed delicately on the fluffy white bread and Albert plucks it up, squinting at the words:

Sorry you didn’t finish your sandwich xoxo Spottie

He laughs probably too loud and sticks the sticky note on his desktop, right next to the note from Jack that reads: ‘I’m sorry for stealing your pants, I had brains on mine’ after Jack had taken his extra pair of slacks from his locker when his got spoiled at a crime scene.

He takes a bite of the sandwich, pleased to find that he can still stomach his favorite Gianno’s special after yesterday’s events.  As he chews, careful not to get any tomato sauce on his shirt, he plucks a sticky note from his own pad and scrawls out: Thanks, Pop Spotcket.  Love u, dear xoxo and tosses it over to Spot.

A moment later, Spot snorts indignantly, “‘Pop Spotcket’? Really? Does anyone actually use those anymore?  The only person I know who has one is my niece and she’s eleven.”

Albert rolls his chair so he’s in Spot’s cubicle, sandwich still in hand, “I have one, asshole.  They’re useful.  Anyway, thanks for the sandwich.  How’s it looking at Gianno’s?”

Spot sighs wearily, placing a stack of papers down and turning from his computer to look at Albert, “Eh.  They’re closed today.  I stopped by this morning to pick up some evidence left at the crime scene and one of the waiters asked if I wanted anything and I remembered that you didn’t get to finish your lunch yesterday so…”

“Thanks, man,” Albert says, mouth full.  Spot wrinkles his nose and tells him not to speak with food in his mouth.  Albert rolls his eyes, “Anyway, evidence?  What’s new?”

“Nothing really,” Spot says, “Just Wiesel’s receipt from his last meal.  Wasn’t really much on it, but it gave us a sure timestamp that lines up with our original record, so at least that’s set.”

“Good,” Albert shoves the last bit of sandwich into his mouth, licking his fingers.

“Yeah.  Saw our boy there, though.”

Albert raises his eyebrows, “Higgins?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s he?”

Spot shrugs, “Didn’t talk to him.  Kid looked like shit.  Well, more shitty than yesterday if that’s somehow possible.  Kept sending cute little glares my way, fucking ray of sunshine, that one.”

“Christ,” Albert grimaces, “I’m convinced he’s a player in this debacle somehow.  I mean, he seemed genuinely surprised when he found out the vic was Wiesel, but too many strings lead to connections on his end.”

“Yeah,” Spot agrees, “I dunno, I say we dig a little into Wiesel’s other relations as well.  I feel like there’s a gap here somewhere.”

“Toxicology came back,” Albert says after a pause.

Spot looks at him, eyebrows raised, “And?”

“Sarin poison in the blood.  Stab wounds were post-mortem.  Someone wanted this shit to look messier than it is.”

“Interesting.  I wonder who’d go through the trouble of poisoning, then following up with a physical attack.  ‘Specially in a public place.  S’kinda risky.”

“That’s what I was thinking, but whoever it was, clearly knew what they were doing.”

“Clearly…”

XXX

Albert never understood why there was such a wide variety of milks in the world.  And why, in this moment, he can’t find any simple fucking 2%.  

He scans over the selection again, bypassing the almond and oat milks and skimming over the fritzy lactose free shit.  There’s strawberry milk and chocolate milk on display and even horrifyingly enough, mint milk, but no fucking 2%.  It’s not even like this fucking bodega is big enough to warrant having so many milks. 

He just wants some damn normal person milk!

“Excuse me, detective.” 

Albert doesn’t startle.  He doesn’t.  He’s a trained law enforcement officer and detective.  People like him don’t fucking startle.  But, he is on high, professional alert when he turns around to see Antonio Fucking Higgins standing behind him, eyebrows raised in what’s probably amusement and hands shoved in his pockets.

Albert makes a strangled noise, eyes working on their own accord as they trail down Higgins’ body.  He’s sweaty, looking like he just came from some sort of workout, and a pair of tight adidas running pants hug his legs in all the right places.  He’s in a tank top today, somehow doing his arms more justice than the grey shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.  A hat sits backwards on his head, doing little to tame the curls that are trying to sneak out of the stupid hole where the strap meets the fabric.  He looks hot and it’s unfair and Albert’s never been ashamed of his sexuality, but right now he’s wishing that he could reign in his gay ass a little bit because aside from the fact that Higgins is a bit of a prick, he’s also a suspect and that’s, like, number one in the Book of Nope for cops of any kind.

Higgins is still looking at him, but now there’s a small crease of concern between his eyebrows, “You alright, man?” He asks, “You look kinda like you’re having a heart attack.  Do you have any chest pain?  Your left arm feel numb at all?”

Albert shakes himself, morphing his expression into something he hopes looks less like Gay Panic, “Yeah, sorry, I-” He splutters a bit, then shuts his mouth with a click.  

Higgins scoffs, “I just need milk, man, you mind?”

Albert starts, hastily stepping out from where he was definitely blocking the milk selection and watching as Race grabs a carton of-- fucking 2%.  How did he find it so fast?  How did Albert not see it?  He’s supposed to be the one trained to look for details others don’t see!

Trying not to flush, Albert reaches out and grabs a carton as well and Higgins looks at him again, laughing, “You were standing here for a long time, dude, I thought you were gonna murder the milk for a second.”

“Couldn’t find the 2%.” Albert mumbles, blushing harder when Higgins laughs louder.

“Real good reconnaissance there, detective.”

When Higgins is laughing, his face changes into something a whole lot more pleasant.  Not that it was ever unpleasant (the dude’s got a jawline of a god), but some of the hardness in his eyes and shadows on his face go away and for just a second, he looks like the 25 year old he’s supposed to be.  It’s nice, Albert thinks, ignoring the way alarm bells are going off in his head.

“Shut up, Higgins, I’m tired.  Some of us have to read about murders all day, so excuse me if my milk finding skills aren’t the most refined.”

Higgins’ face softens and the smile in his eyes turns into something else that Albert doesn’t want to dissect, “Race.”

“What?”

“Higgins is my dad, not me.  And I don’t like the name Antonio very much, so if we’re gonna be talking more, be it over murder or milk, call me Race.”

“Race?”

Higgins--Race--winks, “That’s a story for level five amici.”

“Oh, okay.”

They pause for a moment and even though Albert’s not drunk, his inhibitions seem to flutter away from him against his will as he blurts out, “Drinks sometime? Would- uh- would you wanna get drinks sometime?”

And fuck-fuck- SHIT- what are you doing Dasilva? What the fuck?

Race considers him for a moment, “Not that I wouldn’t hit that,” he nods to Albert’s body and Albert flushes.  Damnit with the flushing!  He’s 26, not some flouncy high schooler, “But I don’t think that’s a good idea, detective.”

Albert nods, “No, yeah, honestly I don’t know why I asked- uh-”

“Relax, don’t have an aneurysm, it’s okay.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“No no, you’re right.  Absolutely.”

There’s another pause, then Race smiles apologetically, “I gotta go get the rest of my groceries.  Take care.”

Albert cringes internally at how fucking painfully awkward this exchange has been, “You too,” he says, watching Race retreat to the wine aisle.  He takes another moment to gather himself, then goes to the checkout line.

XXX

Albert turns up the volume on his TV, pleased with the quiet solitude of his apartment for the night.  He doesn’t love living alone, but it’s been a long couple days and he’s been looking forward to a night to himself since he’d woken up that morning.  Just him, some thai, and the Animal Planet playing reruns of ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ all night.  Fucking self care.

He’s just yelling at some dog owner on the TV for feeding his pug 24 eggs a day and watching as Victoria Stilwell chews out the greasy fucker when his phone rings on the coffee table in front of him. 

Groaning, Albert mutes the show and chugs down a few sips of beer, before picking up the phone and answering with an annoyed, “Someone better be dying.”

There’s silence on the other end and Albert pulls the phone away from his ear to check the caller ID.  It’s Spot.  Shit, someone might actually be dying.”

“Spot?  Everything okay?”

Spot sounds sheepish when he says, “Well no one’s dying, technically…”

“But…”

“There was another murder.”

“Shit.”

-

Race went straight home after the bodega, right? RIGHT!??!? stay tuned ;)

thanks saph for ‘pop spotcket’

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[ilguna]

hi- I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I wanted to know how to start a fanfic writing tumblr- I mean, I’m just not sure how to start since I’ve never posted anything on my account- I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience-

Don’t worry about it. I’m a little offended that you would think you’re coming to the wrong place 😂.

Imma break it down for you.

BTW this post is long bc I wanted to cover all bases

—

First of all, if you’re on tumblr mobile, then that’s fantastic and we’ll start with that first. If you’re on desktop, I would like to suggest getting it on your phone because it’s more accessible and easier to manage than doing it on the computer. The only time I go to the computer is when I’m going to post fics, but we’ll get there.

I know you said you’re wondering how to start posting fics but I gotta give you some advice before that. Because there are just some things I cannot stand when it comes to some fanfic blogs, alright?

Be easy on your color scheme. I wouldn’t put any bright colors because it could hurt someone’s eyes, and sometimes it looks really bad. Going along with that, you should be careful what your second color is on your blog (let’s say that your base color was a maroon, and then you’d choose a color similar to that/darker than that. It’ll be hard to read the things in your bio, and it’s frustrating)

This is obvious, but make sure you have a profile and header picture, it’s more appealing rather than tumblrs default.

Turn ON asks and then proceed to do it for anonymous questions, because that’s the only way you get requests. Some people do it off anon but that’s not as common.

You can do this on desktop and a safari browser. It’s not possible to do on mobile just yet. Open up safari > log in > little person icon in the top right > edit appearance. Scroll until you see “let people as questions” turn that on. Turn on anon, and edit the box to whatever you want. Keep it short

Turn off “share posts you like” and the following one below it. It’s a risky game to play when it comes to what you’re looking at and liking.

No submission posts, normally people don’t submit things anyway. Turn OFF “on blog advertising” and then that’s it. It automatically saves so you can just leave to the next screen imma bout to tell you about

IF you go to my blog on desktop, you’ll see that there’s a theme. My font is different, I have a different set up than most blogs, etc.

If you wanna mess around with that, scroll to the top of page (you should still be on the same page from the anon instructions) and tap “edit theme”

It might take a second to load, but you’ll get there.

THIS SCREEN IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Besides the fact that it lets you edit your theme, this is how you put in a Masterlist, and all other links you might want in your bio.

You said you haven’t written anything yet, so there isn’t a need for a Masterlist just yet. But when you DO start posting, please come back to me and I’ll let you know how to put one in your bio, okay? Nice and shiny for your future followers.

If you wanna change your theme go to browse themes, change it from “all themes” to “free themes”. If you like mine, it’s called “Accesible”. If you just want the font, get out of the theme screen and scroll the screen on the left. Turn ON “open dyslexic

Remember, you can do all of this on desktop too, it doesn’t have to be on safari

—

Now onto posting, I have some opinions that might offend my mutuals (oopsie)

I can’t tell the difference, but PERSONALLY, I think posting fics on tumblr from my phone is gross. But that’s also because I’m writing 1000+ words normally and it gets difficult to post

If you want to post fics with more than 100 paragraphs, then you have to go to desktop or maybe safari tumblr (I don’t post from safari tumblr so idk if it works) because tumblr says NO paragraphs after 100 on mobile. There is no restriction on computer

I write in Google Docs, because it’s neater and I’ve discovered some hate for Word after deleting some of the shit I wrote over and over. Plus it’s an app, and you can open it up on computer. Easy to use.

If you use Notes on your phone, or type directly onto a tumblr post, then that’s fine but you don’t know your word count and it’s a little difficult to navigate.

When it comes to formatting, I used to have it be really long. But I’ve narrowed it down to 3, sometimes 4 things.

Summary: this is where I put the request so the anon/person knows that it’s their request. (I copy n paste the entire request in the summary part, I don’t answer asks (requests) anymore because it’s easier to answer them after I posted).

Warnings: my permanent is swearing, and then I add on (what type) violence, murder, suic*de, gore, etc DEPENDING ON THE REQUEST

Word count: and I do this because I write long imagines sometimes and some people don’t want to sit through 5k words of boring shit

And the optional—Note: I put this if I thank someone for their patience on the request, if I say happy holidays or some shit like that. I don’t have notes on every post anymore because they just turn out being the same every time

Apart from that, give it a title (make it unique but not too long!) who it’s for and then copy and paste the fic in

I’m using my own posts as an example right here, okay. But I have the summary and all of that bolder because it’s easier to see, and I want it to be different from the actual post. Most fanfic writers do this.

I also put 2 —‘s between the authors note at the top and the fic to also make a difference there

Don’t have the entire fic italicized, it takes away the special part of italicizing a word

Finally, it’s tagging.

I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT tag things that have nothing to do with the post. It’s my biggest pet peeve and it’s because I can’t comprehend why people tag (for example) Katrina Stuart when it’s a fic OR A RANDOM POST about someone else

Instead, let’s keep it simple.

🌸 STOP 🌸

I forgot to mention this. But choose your username wisely. You can change it later on, but it’s a goddamn pain in the ass when you have 50+ fanfics you wrote and your Masterlist is nice and clean only to realize that you have to RELINK every post individually

Listen, I changed my username on my old blog, and it took me 8 hours ROUGHLY to relink and fix every individual Masterlist. I had to create new masterlists, with so many tabs open to fix it

Instead, change it before you start fics

If you wanna be a colby brock blog, I have a canon url (which means that it’s so fucking GOOD and I’m angry that i realized it was open only a month ago rather than when I created this account) and it’s colbysbrocks (it’s a plural canon url). And I have colbysecrets too. If you don’t like either of those, I have a couple of other ideas that I wrote down if you want them

🌸 okay continue 🌸

This is how you should tag:

(I’ll give an example after this)

Your username first, the person it’s about, the fandom (if it’s not Colby brock, then something like marvel, etc). Then the persons name, imagine, fanfic, x reader, and oneshot. Then if it was requested

EXAMPLE ONE:

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Colby brock imagine, Colby brock fanfic, Colby brock x reader, Colby brock oneshot, requested

Simple, right? You can even use this method for Wattpad too.

EXAMPLE TWO:

(This is Star Wars, im using my own username again)

Kylorenlovesyou, Kylo ren, Ben solo, kylo ren imagine, kylo ren fanfic, kylo ren x reader, kylo ren oneshot, Ben solo imagine, Ben solo fanfic, Ben solo x reader, Ben solo oneshot, Star Wars

Notice that I tagged both of his names. I do this because it draws more people in, and more people will be attracted to it (however, in the Star Wars fandom there’s a difference between Ben Solo and Kylo-Ren, so you would have to specify in the title Ex. Resistance (Ben Solo) or Struggle (Kylo-Ren). It would depend on which persona you’re using

This works for a couple of fandoms, like twilight and shit like that

EXAMPLE THREE:

(Final one, I just wanted to cover this base just in case)

If it’s a request for more than one person. Let’s say Colby Brock and Sam Golbach (like a Polyamorous relationship, if it’s just about a bunch of people, tag the people in it and don’t put the imagine, fanfic, x reader, oneshot after any of them, it doesn’t apply)

If it’s a poly relationship (or maybe more) then do everything you normally do for one person, and then just add on the second;

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Sam Golbach, Colby brock imagine, Sam Golbach imagine, etc

If you’re on desktop, I would suggest putting in a Read More (this goes BEFORE your fic but after the authors note, below the 2 —‘s). The way you do that is press enter, and hover over the new break in the fic.

Off to the right you’ll see a . . . Click that and then you have the read more. I would only suggest using this if there’s more than 500 words, so that if the fic is super long, it doesn’t take up the entire dash for the follower (it takes forever to scroll and it’s annoying

If you’re on mobile, it isn’t possible. Just post and you can go back and edit later if you have a computer

[fighting-acorn]

Calling Out Enigmaincrimson

I’m going to start, first and foremost, with this simple fact. No one told me about Enigmaincrimson when I started feeling uneasy and wanting to split away from them. They approached me, we RPed a bit normally, and then he started sending IC asks into my inbox. Normal, right?

Well, enigma/evelyn didn’t reblog the asks to continue in an RP, nor did they make a new post to continue, or even ask me to make a new post. He just continued to send IC asks of a continuous discussion, and I had to ask them to please stop and RP normally. 

The bellow are IMs of that interaction, the same ones he’s right now complaining that people like me ‘erased’. Basically, I explained this, that sending the in character asks wasn’t a good way to go about RPing with someone if they were going for a continuous interaction.

Note, at the time of this conversation, Enigma’s blog was full of either aesthetics, musings, or memes. There were no roleplays like he has now. I’ll continue under a readmore, as there is a lot to go through. 

As a reference to the cluttering up the dash, both myself and a few of my RP partners approached Enigma about trimming his posts, as for some devices, long posts can cause the Tumblr app to slow down and get janky. I’ve experienced it, and so have my partners, so we have good reason to request that or partners trim their threads. It helps keep the dash neat and lets us find roleplays easier on both desktop and mobile. Keep this in mind, I’m not done with it yet.

Yeah, I get that, it happens to me too, but that doesn’t really matter when you can approach people. Of course, enigma can’t do that without trying to gaslight and make themselves the victim. It’s not clear in these IMs, but Keep this in Mind, I’m not done with it yet.

Now, at this point in time, I didn’t know, but Enigma absolutely has branched out, and they’ve been so bad at interactions and never adapting to other people and not compromising, that he continues to be driven away because no one wants to put up with enigma’s toxic behavior. 

Keep this in mind, I’m not done with it yet.

So now we get to the Discord that Enigma mentions in their vague posts. Do you want to know why you were kicked out? Because you didn’t. do. anything. except. vent. You complained, and complained, and complained over and over and over and you didn’t actually interact positively with anyone other than complaining!!!

So remember what I was saying about how we asked Enigma to trim their posts because it crashes the Tumblr App? Here he is misconstruing what we asked to make themselves look better.

Way to go beating up that strawman. It’s the only fight you’re going to be winning around here.

I’m sorry if some people like putting effort into making their blog look different and unique, as well as efficient, especially coming from someone who has a custom theme themselves. You’re showing your own hypocrisy here where you thought no one was on to your bullshit. Keep that in mind, I’m not done with it yet.

This was the day I had enough. Because, not doing anything? That’s a load of fucking bullshit, and I want to be very fucking clear about something. At this point in time, I STILL was not in contact with anyone else who’d dealt with Enigmaincrimson before. This impression I had of him was something he made for themselves in isolation from ALL the other bad reputation they made for themselves.

Here I am, considering whether or not to call his ass out. Spoilers, I did. Because once more, Enigma was complaining that people were bringing up that Enigma had too many OoC posts. More importantly, this is AFTER I talked to them in IMs about OoC posts, AND ENIGMA INVITED ME TO THIS SERVER.

Way to twist the situation with me into something that makes you look better, right in front of me. My last post was right above that. Evelyn KNOWS I talked to them about too many asks. 

You don’t mean to guilt trip, you say as you do nothing but vent and make yourself look like the victim in all of these interactions, some of which I was there for, part of, or am friends with the people that were part of, where we can call you out on your lying ass.

And I did.

And it’s clear, even now, after months of not hearing anything about enigma, he follows my other friend whom he had people go after, because I told her about THIS drama that was going on. She just told him not to vague, and the results of that resulted in enigma’s blind followers going after her because enigma had effectively convinced them that enigma was the victim in all of this.

Now, it’s all coming to the surface again, and this time, there’s far more information There’s more call outs now, because He hasn’t just been doing this since midway through 2018. Enigmaincrimson has been at this for multiple years. That reputation he says he got? That he says people keep attacking him?  He’s fucking earned it. I don’t appreciate the vagueposting. I don’t appreciate the lying. If it weren’t so effective, I wouldn’t need to call him out, but I see good RPers falling for enigmaincrimson’s bullshit because he tells them half-truths and lies about the situation, claiming that the evidence is erased and can’t be found. 

Motherfucker, I saved all of this shit because I knew I’d need it someday, and here it is. Here’s the day I bring it to light. And to reiterate.

ALL OF THESE SCREENCAPS WERE TAKEN BY ME BEFORE I KNEW ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER SHIT HE’D DONE.

This is something that Enigma brings on themselves, because they don’t take responsibility and place all of the blame of their actions on everyone else.

I hope I don’t have to call Enigma/Evelyn again after this, but I have a feeling I’m going to have to eventually, because if after 2 fucking years of pissing people off, he hasn’t learned anything, I don’t think he’ll learn anything in the next 2 years.

I have two friends also posting call outs. @pixel-galaxy and @breaking-the-boundaries. If you want more context for Enigma’s bullshit, I suggest taking a look at their call outs, as there is much more damning evidence against enigma than what I have here.

[sleepy-and-anxious]

WIP Questions tag game

*strolls into the spotlight and taps the microphone* yo- Does this thing work? 

Sup my dudes! So guess whos back doing a tag game that isn’t a last line tag for the first time since *checks watch* like august 2018? This bitch. 

I’ve been tagged for this one so many times that my brain short circuited and I can’t for the life of me remember who’s tagged me. Most recently though was the lovely af @cohldhands and the sweetest @chalky-charlie welp im sorry everyone else that i’ve forgotten ily 

I’m going to answer these for Good For Something (because I can’t remember if i’ve done this before)

rules: answer the questions, then tag some people.

1: Describe the plot in one sentence

A good-for-nothing Common’s delinquent is payed good money to assassinate a known Noble murderer, and fails only to discover a not so secret world of magic, abilities, demons and platonic soulmates.   

2: Pick one sight, smell, sound, feel, and taste to describe the aesthetic for your WIP.

Sight: Flickering neon signs illuminating foggy alleyways  

Smell: Gasoline 

Sound: Sirens and gunshots

Feel: The sharp edge of shattered glass 

Taste: The first sip of black coffee

3: Which 3+ songs would make a playlist for your novel?

I wont use any songs on my actual gfs playlist but i’ll give you some new ones

 dead af - Krewella 

What’s Up Danger (with Black Caviar) 

Stronger - The Score 

Triggered - Chase Atlantic 

My Blood - Twenty One Pilots 

Leave a Light On - Tom Walker

4: What’s the time period and location in which your novel takes place?

GFS is set on a fantasy continent named the God’s Continent. GC is split in half with the north being a country called Noble and the south being a country called Commons. 30 years prior to GFS commons fell to Noble rule officially. Nobody bellow the border respects it. Noble are more traditionalist in nature, content to their rural life and ‘old fashioned values’. Common’s prefers innovation, technology and crime to get by. 

Good For Something is primarily set in South Commons City. Not a very nice place, really.  

5: Are there any former titles you’ve considered but discarded?

Before I decided on GFS, the working title was just “The Call of The Void” after the phenomenon of l’appel du vide which is basically like the phenomena of intrusive thoughts which are like “Oh this is so high up I could jump off this ledge” or “I could steer my car straight into traffic right now, huh?” but when someone isn’t actually suicidal. They’re usually random and fleeting thoughts. Its also called HPP (the high place phenomenon). Its a pretty cool concept that I thought related well to GFS.  

I also found it pretty cool bc in GFS there are these people called Voidians who worship the void element. Most of em are dead. Most. 

But yeah, I decided against it. Occasionally I still refer to it as The Call of The Void quartet or series. 

6: What’s the first line of your novel?

“I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit to the sound of sirens and gunshots.” 

7: What’s a line of dialogue you’re particularly proud of? 

I stole this from a last line tag i did but i do love this scene!!!! 

8: Which line from the novel most represents it as a whole?

“I ran out of second chances long ago.“ 

"You’ll never run out of chances so long as there are people still willing to give them.”

9: Who are your character(s) face claims?

I have too many character in GFS to put them all here but you can find face claim photos for my main cast on my wip page. 

I can give you Ciel and August though bc I have the pics saved on my desktop! 

Ciel: Erika Linder 

August: Liam Aiken 

10: Sort your characters into Hogwarts houses. 

Ciel: Slytherin 

August: Slytherin 

Trainor: Hufflepuff 

Kruse: Ravenclaw 

Blood: Gryffindor 

11: Which character’s name do you like the most?

Tbh I love Hepton the best purely because I made it up when I was 11 and never changed it lmfao. 

12: Describe each character’s daily outfit.

Ciel: Hoodies, sports bras, sweatpants, baseball cap 

August: Button down shirt, ripped jeans, leather jacket. Or house uniform: maroon blazer, black tie, black trousers

Trainor: His house uniform - blue blazer, black tie, black trousers

Kruse: His house uniform - white blazer, black tie, black trousers 

Blood: Her house uniform - white blouse, maroon pinafore dress. 

13: Do any characters have any distinctive birthmarks/scars?

Ciel has a fuck load of tattoos, and kinda collects scars and scrapes over the course of the books. 

August has lots of healed self harm scars on his forearms. 

Trainor has a birth mark on his knee. 

Kruse has nothing. 

Blood’s fingers permanently looked dipped in ink because of her curse (power)  

14: Which character most fits a character trope?

Trainor fits the Dumb Thot comic relief trope on the surface level but he’s so much more than that and i love him 

15: Which character is the best writer? Worst?

Kruse is the best writer, but in an academic sense. Cube or Saintly would be the best writers in a creative sense. 

16: Which character is the best liar? Worst?

Arguably, Ciel is simultaneously the best and worst liar. 

17: Which character swears the most? Least?

Ciel and August fight for the title of who has the worst potty mouth. Blood and Kruse never swear. 

18: Which character has the best writing? Worst?

Blood and August have the prettiest handwriting. Train and Ciel’s handwriting is illegible. 

19: Which character is the most like you? Least like you?

This is a difficult one. I’d say im most likely a mixture between Bryn, Ari and Blood. Like... partial sweet bean, partial mom friend but also takes no shit and drinks too much iced coffee.  

20: Which character would you most like to be?

None of them, theyre all deeply flawed and stupid idiots but I love them. But, I don’t think i’d want to be any of them lmfao. 

Yay!!! Done!!!! I hope ya’ll enjoyed if you read it to the end! 

I’m going to tag @carrotgirl-1 @notanotherhour @elonanwrites @atinydino @elliewritesstories @chaos-reign @shireduchess @yuutfa @zielenheil (No pressure if you don’t want to or have already done it! uwu I wanna hear ya’ll talk about ur stuff ily) 

[black-out-wonder]

Still Alive (Virgil Sanders Human!AU One-Shot)

Warnings: Talk of suicide, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, mentions of depression and anxiety, mentions of an arugument, self-deprecation

This is basically a vent fic because I had to use the StillAlive.org crisis line the other day because it was really bad for me. It helped me and if you are in a moment of crisis, and you A. Have no one to talk to or B. Can’t or wont talk on the phone for any reason, use this chatline. Stay safe <3

Virgil’s finger froze as he stared blankly at the “Click here to chat” button on the screen. What the hell am I doing? He wondered. The browser page, Still Alive, glared at him through the darkness of his room. The webpage itself was calm and welcoming, telling him to click the button to talk to a volunteer. He found this website through his friend-or ex friend-Logan. He had described it, saying that it was meant for people who couldn’t or wouldn’t talk to people on the phone. It was meant for people who were considering suicide.

Well, you could say that he was having second thoughts about waking up the next morning.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he clicked the button, wincing at the noise of the mouse. A screen loaded, asking him to put in information. He didn’t want to put in all of this information. He didn’t want some random person to know exactly who he was. He was about to click away, giving into his urges when he noticed the “anonymous” checkbox. He released the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

There were still some questions he needed to answer, but nothing as bad as the first option. Just asking his gender, age, who he lived with, how he found the website, etc. He hesitated before entering the information. If he put all of this in and actually connected, there would be no turning back. Before he could change his mind, he entered the chat.

A message popped up as he was brought to the chat page. They were connecting him to a volunteer. His heart began to race as a few moments passed. What if he wouldn’t get connected? What if the Wifi went out for some reason? Too many what ifs. His eyes trailed over to his dresser, where a bottle of medication sat. His sleep medication. It would be so easy…just like falling asleep…

Suddenly, a soft beep brought him out of his thoughts. “Your volunteer as entered the chat” is said now. In the corner of the screen, it said: “Alex typing” in very small letters. His heart pounded against his chest, his hands growing sweaty and shaky. What would this person say? Was this a real person? What would they say?

Alex: Hello. May I ask for your name?

It was such a simple question, one that shouldn’t have been a problem to answer. The problem was his name. Not many people had it. What if this person knew him? With shaky fingers, he typed out a reply.

Anonymous8902: you can call me V.

Alex typing…

Alex: Okay V. What brings you to Still Alive?

Another question that held way too much weight. What did bring him there exactly? Logan had explained it as a place to talk if you had nowhere else to go. He wasn’t sure if he had mentioned it because he knew Virgil was at risk. He knew that his friends-or past friends-had to suspect something, but they never knew the real extent of it.

Anonymous8902: im not really sure…i was told that this was for people who wanted to die.

The volunteer replied back very quickly.

Alex: V, have you thought about committing suicide?

His first instinct was to lie. He lied to everyone about what he wanted. He would say he was okay, even when he wasn’t. But this was different. He slowly typed his reply.

Anonymous8902: yeah

Alex typing…

Alex: Have you made a plan?

Anonymous8902: not yet. not set in stone.

He nearly had a heart attack when he sent that. Why did he send that? They were going to send the police and he couldn’t let that happen! They would send him to the hospital and ask him too many invading questions. He would have to tell them things, or he would have to lie, which made him even more anxious.

Alex typing…

Alex: So, you do not have a plan at the present time?

Anonymous8902: no

Alex: That’s good. If you would like, we can continue to chat. Your safety is most important.

Anonymous8902: its really not

Alex: It seems you feel like you don’t deserve to be safe.

It was heavy talk time, and Virgil knew it. He didn’t want to spill his heart to some stranger, but at the same time, he did. He wanted to tell this person everything wrong with him. He just wanted to get out of the haze of despair and anxiety that seemed to fill his being.

Anonymous8902: i dont deserve to feel safe. i dont even deserve to live. all i do is hurt people.

The honesty in his statement shocked him. He had never told anyone that before, not even his fr-ex friends.

Alex typing…

Alex: It seems like you feel like you don’t deserve life because you don’t offer anything but pain.

Anonymous8902: i feel that way because its true. everyone says it, so it must be

Alex: You seem to believe what others say about you more than what you think of yourself.

Virgil clenched his jaw at the message. Why did this person have to be so accurate? It would be better if this person wasn’t so spot on about everything.

Anonymous8902: yeah, sounds like me

Alex typing…

Alex: V, was there something that triggered your crisis?

He froze once more. There was a trigger, but it was his fault in the first place. If he would only get over himself, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. All of his stupid negativity and emptiness and…just everything.

Anonymous8902: yeah. i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a while ago, but i never told my friends. it was a rough day for me, but i was supposed to do something with them. i couldnt even bring myself to call them. it was really important and i skipped it. one of them called me and said that i was a horrible friend.

Alex typing…

Alex: You seem to be blaming yourself for a situation that was completely out of your control.

Anonymous8902: but it was in my control. i couldve told them about it or called and made up a valid excuse! i left them hanging and they were really hurt. this wasnt the first time either

Alex: V, I want you to know that it’s okay to ask for help and having a rough day because of your mental illness is a valid reason. Have you considered telling them about your condition?

Of course, he did. He thought about it every day when he talked to them. Then Roman would flash him a carefree grin, throwing a playful insult his way, or Patton would give him one of his warm hugs, or Logan would overshare on a subject that fascinated him, and he always threw away the idea. Things wouldn’t be the same. They would definitely treat him different like he was delicate.

Anonymous8902: yeah i have, but i dont want things to change

Alex typing…

Alex: What would change?

Anonymous8902: everything. they would see me differently. they liked me for who i am now, why would i want to change that?

Alex: Do you fear that they would turn away from you if they saw your troubles?

He nodded to himself before replying once more.

Anonymous8902: why wouldnt they?

Alex typing…

Alex: There is nothing wrong with letting someone in and talking to them. I know it must hurt to have loved ones turn away. They may be confused by the space between you guys and they are lashing out.

That did make a lot of sense. It was definitely in Roman’s character to lash out when he was confused about something. Why was this person so good at talking to him?

Anonymous8902: but how to i connect with them? i dont even know where to start

Alex typing…

Alex: You could try telling them about your condition and why you weren’t able to go where you needed to. If they are your friends, they will understand. Change is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a natural thing that allows you to grow as a person. Yes, it may seem scary now, but you will be able to look back and be glad that you took the first step.

Virgil could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He hated that this person was so spot on.

Anonymous8902: youre right…i need to tell them…thank you

Alex typing: How are you feeling now?

How was he feeling? He wasn’t feeling great still, but he didn’t seem to be at rock bottom either. He was…drifting.

Anonymous8902: better. a lot better

Alex typing…

Alex: When you disconnect from this chat, what do you plan to do?

Anonymous8902: talk to my friends. im better now. thanks again. im going to go

Alex: I’m glad you’re feeling better. Goodbye!

Anonymous8902: bye

As he exited the browser page, he let out a shuddering breath. He stared at his desktop background for a few moments, soaking in everything. He just told a random stranger his fears and insecurities, and it actually helped. He knew now what he had to do.

           He leaned over to grab his phone, dialing the first number that came to mind. He held it to his ear, praying that he would answer. That he would allow him to speak. When he does answer the phone, Virgil closes his eyes.

           “Hey, Roman. I am really sorry for not making it today. I really need to tell you something…”

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[the-binding-of-isaac-rebiem]

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth | Mods & Resources

💾 ►►► DOWNLOAD FILE 🔥🔥🔥 Forums New posts Search forums. Groups Public Events. Reviews Overview Official reviews. Downloads Latest reviews Search resources. Blogs New entries New comments Blog list Search blogs. Chat Top chatters. Search Everywhere Threads This forum This thread. Search titles only. Search Advanced search…. Everywhere Threads This forum This thread. Search Advanced…. Log in Register. New posts. Search forums. Install the app. JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly. You should upgrade or use an alternative browser. Deleted User Guest OP. Last edited by , Sep 23, Super Smash Bros Rebirth has been ported and is fully functional. Level 3. Good work, saw your post on Reddit and wanted to see more. Reactions: Deleted User. Level 4. First, thank you for Porting the Mods. Damin72 Well-Known Member Member. Level 8. Any tool exist? Garblant Well-Known Member Member. Keep up the good work! I wish I could enjoy these mods, but I only have the 3ds version Level 1. Nothing else, I just want the original soundtrack. Click to expand Garblant said:. Reactions: Garblant. Level 9. Sasori said:. Im assuming you replied to my wololo post since hte same reply was there. I shall be releasing them tonight! I ported 3 more large mods since yesterday. I shall be releasing them here tonight after work. They are already on my wololo thread if anyone would like to use them before hand. Reactions: frogboy. Level Joined Jun 6, Messages 2, Trophies 0 Website zooksman. Now we just need Afterbirth lol. Reactions: Joe88 and jen Reactions: endoverend. Skymod has been ported! Expect a release tonight after some more testing. Last edited by , Sep 3, It looks like Wololo featured my mod ports! Eastonator12 Well-Known Member Member. Level 6. How do I install them? Eastonator12 said:. Screenshot your folder. What mod did you install? Do you know of any better way to transfer the mods? FTP is the best way currently. Making a mirror of all the mods now. Just waiting for everything to sync up with Mega. Reactions: themate Post reply. Insert quotes…. Similar threads. Hacking Variable Barricade English Version 0. Replies 0 Views Replies 2 Views Sony PS Vita Feb 24, peter8. Tutorial Replaceable Battery Mod. Replies 16 Views 8K. Replies 6 Views 8K. Hacking PS Vita downgrade, modded using update Replies 15 Views 4K. Homebrew ScummVM 2. Go to forum More news. I want to permanently or until reboot disable the blue light on my N3dsXL without using tape or opening it. Sumemos - 2 minutes ago. New to the site. Want to re-gain use of my DSi and R4 flashcard duwen - 2 minutes ago. Editing Posts and Notifications Creamu - 4 minutes ago. Hi Everyone Twil0 - 16 minutes ago. General chit-chat Help Users Settings Notifications Miscellaneous Inverse message direction Display editor on top Enable maximized mode Display images as links Hide bot messages Hide statuses Hide chatter list Show messages from ignored users Temporarily disable chat Receive mention alerts Sound notifications Normal messages Private messages Whisper messages Mention messages Bot messages Desktop notifications Normal messages Private messages Whisper messages Mention messages Bot messages. Options View top chatters Open in popup. FAST Loading…. Veho : Then there's the hundred Anbernic models out there. Gift Today at PM. Veho : Their Windows handheld isn't really wowing the crowds. KenniesNewName : Yeah we'll probably see ten more revisions before they go back to their roots. Been playing Gargoyles Quest on it, and it's just supreme in that limited use case. KenniesNewName : They may release one where everyone is like rip steamdeck plus cheaper chips are rumored to run up to ps2 well by next year. Veho : Work is the mind killer. KenniesNewName : Well I hear it's ethically correct to suck cow nipples for breakfast. Veho : Bye mthrnite! KenniesNewName : If you want that route I can drop my exs phone number. KenniesNewName : Watch out he could be a woman. Gift 2 minutes ago. Veho : Fucking brilliant. Gift 1 minute ago. Gift A moment ago. A moment ago.

[sevngmin]

family doctor!seungmin

a/n:  it was hard to find pictures of clinics;-; so i tried to go according to colour scheme! this fic is also dedicated to the 2 seungmin stans, annie and jupiter,, i hope yall like it^^// request

seungmin... graduated at the top of his class for family medicine

cute looks+good grades?? destined to do well fam

eventually he became a doctor in seoul national univ. hospital, one of the top hospitals in seoul

his niche wasnt really paediatrics but he enjoyed the company of children that the ceo gave him the offer in the department

seungmin declined, choosing to stay in family medicine

however patients who are fairly young are always numbered to his room so its all good

sometimes he’s on ER(emergency room) duty and 80% of female patients develop an instant crush on him

its funny cause when he measures their heart rate it spikes abnormally high and he gets flustered, “why is your heart rate so high?”

and doesnt notice the growing blush in their cheeks

anyhow, that was on rare occasions when he needs to cover duties for his colleague and close friend, jeongin

seungmin always wears this white coat with pororo stickers decorated on his name tag

coat pockets filled with candy and stickers to reward the children for behaving well

really hates to administer injections as he really doesnt want to hurt the children

but for the sake of their health he had to

and shower them with loads of candies and stickers after that

sometimes he’s also a FPC(first patient clinic) doctor

fpc: a doctor assigned to a particular patient with complicated problems, to avoid confusion, these patients go to the same doctor consequently for their diagnosis and reports

and when he sees familiar faces his eyes light up 10 times more, eyes crinkling into crescents

he’s just so friendly, children dont even hate going to the doctor’s because of him

while checking their lungs seungmin would squat down to their eye-level to talk to them, to distract them

children willingly open their mouths to let him check their tonsils too

children rarely cry during his consulations, because seungmin is that good with children

and they go out happy

which makes you wonder what kind of spell seungmin casts on the kids to make them happy

you, a permanent in the ER, deal with all sorts of people everyday

frantically rushing in every minute, life and death right at its doorstep

sometimes you see seungmin in the ER for cover duty, and he was definitely a sight for sore eyes

but you never approached him, not wanting him to see you in messy hair and makeup almost all gone

you always see him cooped up in his room during lunch break, and you also didnt have the courage to ask him out for lunch, since the both of you werent close either

in reality, seungmin always cooks his own lunch and saves them in a bento to eat during lunch break

its much more economical and healthy, the only times he eats from outside are company gatherings or jeongin forcing him to come along which he would immediately agree imo

seungmin’s cooking is actually one of the best out of all of the doctors, since he lives alone and living on ramen wasnt exactly the healthiest

which lowkey explains why he’s so damn smart, both booksmart and streetsmart

strangely, he hasnt have much experiences with girls

all of his knowledge are from romcom kdramas btw

but he does know how to be a gentleman around girls,, a huge plus point

aNYWHO the gods decided to shine on you and seungmin was in ER duty for this whole month

because jeongin was down with pneumonia, and was unfit for duty

definitely not missing out naggings from seungmin saying he should stop eating churros

you knew jeongin fairly well, as your same-shift colleague in the ER with a very cute friend

and when he was down with pneumonia you didnt know whether to thank him or kill him

because, seungmin would take over jeongin, which meant he would be on the same shift as you

you got to see him, but also you didnt want him to see you

what will he think of you? will he hate you? many questions filled your mind

all of them were forgotten the moment seungmin approached you to say hi

“hi, im seungmin! im from the family doctors’ side, but im here to cover jeongin for the month. and ive seen you around, but i didnt really catch your name.”

“i-i’m y/n! im a permanent here. jeongin’s friend too.” you stuttered, which made seungmin giggle

you stared at him weirdly, which made him clear his throat, “im sorry i mustve offended you.”

“no... its fine. i understand that ER duty isnt the best and we’re on night duty too.”

seungmin looked slightly offended at your rebuttal, but still regained his composure

usually, there werent many patients at night but there was this one little boy who couldnt stop crying because of a high fever

you were flustered, as jeongin was the one who always tended to younger patients

just then, a knight in white armour(quite literally) came rushing by your side to placate the crying child

the child stopped crying as soon and seungmin tended to him, and the whole consultation was just a breeze

the poor child had suffered from chicken pox, and he had to be isolated in a different room in the hospital

both you and seungmin were sad, the child would be both lonely and in pain(?)

since the child brought down the mood for the both of you, you decided to get 2 cups of hot cocoa to cheer him and yourself up

“don’t worry. the child will get better.” you patted his arm(which was your boldest move of the day), handing him the hot cocoa

he looked at you with puppy eyes, the brightening up slightly, “i hope he will.”

“he will, with your expertise, im sure he will soon.” you comforted, unaware that seungmin’s heart was beating wildly at your comment.

seungmin was practically skipping back home when his shift ended

now night shifts wasnt as suckish anymore with you around seungmin

the both of you would always joke around with each other, you “accidentally” squirting saline solution onto seungmin and he’d be like

“hEy y/n this would be a good time to express my affection for you!!”

you’d be like nell ho bc 1. you didnt want to get soaked and 2. too close for your heart to function properly

mostly 2.

but the both of you stop your playful banter until chan came along to tell the both of you off to “stop acting like a love-struck couple”

even after his duty in the ER, seungmin would approach you for lunch break, to jeongin’s surprise

hes like, “hyung, you never ever ask me to go for lunch”

“im sick of my food anyway”

“sStop LyING i know you like y/n”

“i suddenly love jjangmyeon lets order some and share with her”

sometimes seungmin would cook you a bento too, knowing youre too busy

aww

tbh you were starting to catch on a lil but you didnt want to give yourself false hope

until one day jeongin steps in to play cupid

sOoooo jeongin tells you that seungmin needs help with some wound dressing thingy

which you nearly wanted to question him but went with it anyway

and when youre in seungmin’s room there was no patient, only seungmin attentively typing away on his desktop

and he was wearing black-rimmed round glasses with slightly curled hair

a whole boyfriend look ngl

but you shook that off, asking seungmin if he needed help with anything

seungmin tilted his head in confusion, “no..?”

just then, the lock of the door went click, signalling that it was locked

“jeongin.” the both of you sighed in unison, shaking your heads

you were unsure of what to do, so you just released your ponytail and sat on the examination bed

“rough day?” seungmin speaks up, gulping slightly

“yeah, there were so many patients today.” you sighed, “even the nurses werent enough to help.”

“stop talking and confess already!” you hear jeongin’s voice at the other side of the door, as the both of you widened your eyes

“confess... what?” seungmin laughed awkwardly

“yeah... what?” you smiled awkwardly, avoiding seungmin’s eyes

seungmin decided that he needed to man up and say something about it, so he just got up from his seat and brisk-walked towards you

and he cups your face ever so gently and says,

“can i kiss you?”

you were flustered, and nodded meekly

and yes that was you and seungmin’s first kiss and love

young love

when will i ever

anyhow!! seungmin would always pick you up from home to the hospital and vice versa

sometimes he stays over at your place,, your mom doesnt mind

because!whatta sweet man bringing my daughter home!!so that she saves on train fares

seungmin shocks you everytime you find out something new about him

just like at a company gathering, all of the doctors gathered at a karaoke and seungmin went up first with a day6 song

and his vocals?? sWOON

and next he sang stitches and had hes eyes on you all the time

but heres the thing... the both of you cant let the entire hospital find out about your relationship if you wanna live in peace

so the both of you are like business terms until you step out of the hospital lol

would make you food! Everyday!

and also eat with you during lunch

wouldnt mind ER duties bc ur there

highkey wants to send a complaint to make you work at paediatrics so yall can see each other more often

backhugs! are! a! thing!

be it seungmin hugging you or you hugging him... the both of you live for hugs

likes to link pinkies

star watching at the rooftop... peaceful

with hot chocolate in hands too

there was once you got really sick and had to stay home

seungmin was dead worried he even took days off to take care of you

doctor kim doesnt only take care of kids

his masters aint for nothing

people started to wonder why the both of you were off work at the same time lol but they just shrugged it off

except jeongin

jeongin wants the both of you to get married

and the both of you do

BONUS:

the whole hospital didnt know of your relationship until you started to send out wedding invitations

“youre getting married to dr kim?? seungmin?? from our hospital??” was prolly the most asked question after “congrats! when are yall having kids??”

you were lucky it was a secret till you marriage lol

fast forward to when you gIve birth wOOSH

isnt this bonus too much of one

seungmin didnt want to faint so he was just by your side helping you keep c a l m

you had much more strength than he thought you would so he smiled:)thru:)the:)pain:)

you were in more pain so he understood that

you gave birth to a lil bby girl aww

your husband couldnt be more happy

finally someone made use of his medical knowledge to take care of his daughter

subconciously mumbles medical terms to his daughter in attempts to make her fall asleep

“seungmin... if you continue doing this... our daughter will graduate med school at 5.”

it does work better than classical music tho ngl

your daughter indeed took after her dad.. learning how to walk at 8 months and talk at 10 months

you would sometimes bring her to work and people always tell you that shes a carbon copy of seungmin

big eyes, milky white skin... yeah

has a pic of the three of you on his desk its just so endearing

“is that your child?”

“yes its my daughter and beautiful wife!!!”

and you actually brought your daughter into seungmin’s clinic... he turned into a puddle of goo

such a fool for his daughter smh

and a fool for you too

[hdawg1995]

My Stardew Valley started flipping out cause i was playing it for 14 hours strait and it legit did some creepy pasta stuff so heres a creepy pasta

reality: somewhere around hour 10 Kent’s sprite only loaded half way (his eyes and up) or not at all. Willy was just a shadow- even when interacting with him. at one point he phased though Haley (and it was the only time his sprite was fully visible) side note: me and my sister declared willy a ghost because the fishing in my game was such lack luster. Gunther was probably the same since i never saw him at the museum but was still able to donate. lastly Alex glitched though a already glitched haley- she was on the beach even though her schedule wouldn’t have put her there. i wasn’t able to interact with her but a part of me wonders if i went to her house (where she was suppose to be) if i would see her shadow and would be able to interact with her there, but i was too far in a “yup. totaly writing a creepy pasta about this now” mood.

The Creepy pasta:

i really don’t know what to say now other than everyone was right- a game about a fun little town in a sleepy valley being secretly evil? yeah, its true. 

i was playing Stardew Valley one day with my sister- i had woken up in a sour mood and i wanted to cheer myself up. at one point she came by and hung out with me, watching me play on my farm and the normal day to day antics with the pelican town NPCs. we were laying on my bed since it was the only place comfortable enough to play on the laptop for hours on end.

i lost track of time. everything felt too real, like i was getting lost in the game. this is normal, but i knew there was something wrong when it took my sister kicking me in the head snap me out of it.

“oh my god i’m so sorry! i meant to nudge you!” she declared and it was fine, really, but when i glanced back at the screen Harvey was talking to me. i don’t even remember interacting with him- must have clicked him when i get hit in the head. it seemed normal enough; he was mentioning he was having trouble making ends meet so he’ll have to get patients from somewhere else. 

i went back to playing as we chatted about nothing when something struck me.

“hey...” i asked my sister as i paused the game. “Doesn’t harvey normally say he’ll find patients from the nearby towns?” she blinked a few times at me then silently checked the wiki.

there wasn’t an answer there, so we shrugged it off. wouldn’t be the first time NPCs change their dialog. Sebastian mentions that me and sam are his only friends after so many hearts.

speaking of which, i wanted to give him a present today. i had forgotten the quarts at the farm so i rounded back, heading past Sam’s house. i got lost in the game again- it was like the only thing i could hear was the game, the only thing i could feel was the cobble stone under my feet but that wasn’t right- i was in bed.

when i walked by Sam’s house Kent walked out. i smiled and talked to him only... His sprite wasn’t there in the dialog box. his text was also jumbled and didn’t make sense. the prompt to continue the conversation came up and when i clicked it the text was less garbled but Kent’s image was just his eyes. he said “I’ll watch out for you”. 

i snapped out of it at that. i looked over at my sister to ask her if that was normal (it wasn’t) but she seemed so transfixed on the screen it was my turn to snap her out of it. i smacked her on the head and she flinched but seemed alright.

“sorry, i meant to nudge you.” i joked, but she didn’t seem to hear me. “I thought Kent came back from war?” she questioned and i tilted my head. “Umm. yeah he does, in year two...” i turned back to the screen and Kent was gone.

“You were just talking to Sam- he said his dad died?” 

we both stared at each other before taking out our phones to chick the wiki. sure enough it says Kent returns in year two- alive.

we decide my games glitched and i keep playing while my sister makes a bug report. it took me far too long to realize dialog nor included in the game showing up out of no where- and for only ONE person for that matter- was anything BUT a bug. by the time i got to the farm and had gotten the quarts for Sebastian the report had been sent and my thoughts died in my throat. 

a few in game days later i realize Harvey has been acting weird; hes been following Haley around. i don’t pay much attention to the doctor (Sam, Sebastian, and Shane being my favorites i tended to look out for them, not so much HAley or Harvey) but i didn’t think they shared a pattern at all.

i brushed it off and decided to head down to the beach. Alex’s cut scene triggered so i say back and watched. it seemed normal until his sprite changed to the surprised looking one.

“Did you hear a scream just now?”

>no? what scream? >.... >yeah! it sounded like Haley!

my sister swore and looked up the wiki again. con confirm: not part of the cut scene. i thought for a moment and decided that no, i didn’t hear anything (but i really hadn’t). Alex seemed worried and went to investigate. the scene ended but Ale wasn’t on the beach anymore. i was really starting to freak out and debated turning off the game. before i could exit to the desktop i got lost in the game again- the fishing mini game is the devil but i mastered it none the less. i didn’t even remember casting my rod. 

it was getting late so i headed home. Harvey was standing on the bridge to the beach. i didn’t talk to him since it was mid night. i needed to get home.

when i woke up it all seemed normal. i decided to take the fish i got last night and sell them to willy. i wasnt sure how to get the fishing scene in the valley more lively like he’ll some times says so i figured if i sold the fish directly to him it would help. when i went down to the beach i saw haley but she wouldn’t talk to me. she stared out at the ocean, her dialog box just dots. her expression sad.

when i went to see willy he wasn’t there. at first i thought i was at the dock at the wrong time, but something cold pressed against my arm and i snapped up out of the game and looked at my sister- she was holding the Gatorade she had gotten earlier to my arm.

“you were ignoring me again. Sib i think somethings seriously wrong with your game”.

i agreed but i couldn’t stop playing. i explained this and she got worried, fiddling with her phone again.

i can’t stop playing. i have to keep playing. 

“hey” she got my attention. “theres this stardew turmblr account -joja apologist. they have a farmer whos a demon.”

“cool.” i kept playing. i should give Sam a present. “No listen they’re making posts about their stardew game acting weird.”

i tried to turn to face her but thats all i did- face her. my eyes were locked on the screen as Kent walked by. i went to talk to him again and the same thing happened- jumbled words and no sprite and then just his eyes and the declaration that he’ll watch out for me.

“They did Harvey started attacking people so they would HAVE to go to him for meds and stuff.” she sounded worried so i hummed in reply. 

then i remembered Alex’s broken cut scene.

“Haley!” i scrambled over to her house and found a cut scene waiting for me. in it Harvey was telling Emily something. my farmer walks up to them and Harvey greets me, but his portrait is distorted some- he has wide eyes and a grin that seems to reach his ears. he asks me to try and comfort Emily- she just lost her sister.

I felt sick at the thought; this was wrong. very very wrong.

<But i saw her the other day. <no... no not Haley.... <*give Emily a hug*

My sister stared dumbfounded at the screen. i asked her if that tumblr blog saw anything like this and she begins scrolling. as im watching her i’m faintly aware of a sound... like dripping or maybe clicking? i glance at the screen and scream, shooting up and off my bed as Harvey’s portrait changed to have hyper realistic eyes and teeth. the eyes were blood shot and seemed to follow me and my sister as we shifted on the bed to get away from the laptop.

“w-what the FUCK” she yelled. i clung to her protectively, thoroughly convinced his digital doctor was off his possibly very real rocker and could possibly do something to us.

the mouse moved on its own now. it selected to give Emily a hug and the farmer did just that. the cut scene went on, Harvey’s portrait no longer the disturbing version (well it was still disturbing with the wide eyes and chestier grin but at least now it was pixels again). he said he did all he could for Haley and that he was sorry. he then left my farmer and Emily alone.

“Turn it off.” my sister stated as we continued to stare at the screen. “Turn it off.” I nodded numbly and didn’t even both with the proper exit and just held the power button down. 

only it didn’t work.

i held it down for what felt like forever but the laptop was still alive- and it was midnight again.

“Oh fuck no...” She whispered and i scrambled to get my farmer home. when the day ended and the game saved and felt a lump form in my throat. what if Haley is forever dead in my save now? and what about willy? and...

“Wait wheres Alex?” i muttered as i went to town. i bumped into pam and in my frantic scrambling clicked her. to my horror she looked scared. “Did you hear? Alex nearly drowned at the beach! to think, wouldn’t a guy as athletic as him know how to swim?” she then went on her way. i paused for a moment directed my farmer to town again. Alex walked out of the clinic and when i talked to him he seemed fine. gave the normal dialog too.

“Why the hell are you still playing?” My sister shouted from behind me- i didn’t even notice I've scooted directly in front of the laptop, blocking her view. “I thought you were going to exit the game.”

thats right. yeah. turn it off. right.

then Harvey walked out. his sprite was normal but it felt like it was watching me. curious, i moved my farmer down towards Sam’s house. to my horror Harvey was following me.

“Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!” my sister grabbed me and shook me hard. “Holy Shit turn it off! turn it off!”

i stopped my farmer and opened the menu and screamed when i saw Harvy moving towards him even when the game was paused. i unpaused it in time for him to be stopped right next to my innocent little farmer. i kept moving towards Sam’s house.

“Holy shit...” my sister whispered. i told her to check the blog and she did.  “What are you going to do?” she asked, her eyes transfixed on her phone.

“Kent is watching out for me.” i reminded her as i entered Sam’s house.

as i expected, there was a cut scene. in it Sam was playing his guitar and Vincent was in the kitchen. Kent walked out and when he saw my farmer he ran over.

“Hes after you now, isn’t he?” he two eyes of the veteran with PTSD looked though the screen at us. i nodded. “Talk to Sam. you have enough hearts with him.” and he was gone, cut scene over.

i looked over and my sister and she nodded, confirming that the blog said something simular- they were instructed to talk to Gus though. i ran strait to Sam’s room and the door opened then closed behind it. Sam stopped playing his guitar and walked over to my farmer.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” he said. Sebastian stopped playing the key boards and walked over to my farmer as well. i didn’t even notice Sebastian in the cut scene.

“Thats because i wasn’t there.” his dialog box popped up. “Harvey thinks i’m at home.”

both me and my sister just stared at the screen. Sebastian... heard me? we didn’t have much time to think about it as the sound of a crash and something hitting something very hard was heard. My farmer moved on his own with Sam and Seb following him.

outside of Sam’s house was Harvey- the creepy hyper real version- and Kent. Harvey was crawling away and Kent looked like he had just been to war again. when Harvey's sprite was off screen Seb and Sam gave my farmer a hug before they turned to face the screen. Kent joined them, his portrait going back to normal.

“You can close the game now.” he said. “S-Save it first!” Sam interrupted. “If you don’t he’ll chase you again!”

my sister had taken the mouse from me and was directing the farmer back to the farm. we saved and closed the game.

[blookmallow]

hi im Fixating on doki doki literature club rn so i started a new save (after a few, uh. mishaps in the process) to try some different things

the first thing i did to try to. fix the “you’re stuck on a scripted error page eternally” situation was to just reinstall the game

it loaded up normally, like it was actually reset correctly 

everyone has been returned to the characters folder 

i tried popping monika out of the folder onto my desktop again (which had reacted as if she was just deleted before, and i dont want to ACTUALLY delete files bc i dunno how to get them back) 

the game didn’t react, and monika stayed on the intro screen

i didn’t think of quitting and restarting, it might’ve realized her file was missing if i reloaded it but i don’t know 

i started a new game (with monika’s file still exiled to the desktop) 

the game shut off 

and all the character files disappeared 

i launched the game again and all you get is 

uh, this :’ ) which. i couldn’t find any way of doing anything with/seems to just stay there indefinitely 

relaunching the game again would just result in the same screen 

i don’t know if this always happens when you just reinstall without actually going into the game files, or if it was because i took monika’s file out 

i poked around in the files to see if i could find anything else relevant, i don’t know anything about coding so i don’t know what anything is / didn’t want to go messing around with things too much, but i did find this in a code file 

“RestartTopContext: Oh jeez...I didn’t break anything, did I? Hold on a sec, I can probably fix this...I think...

Actually, you know what? This would probably be a lot easier if I just deleted her. She’s the one who’s making this so difficult. Ahaha! Well, here’s goes nothing.” 

the “uncaught exception” error was sayori’s suicide, i remember that, so this is... the piece of code where monika was trying to figure out how to account for it and ultimately decides to just delete her altogether 

I didn’t see any other monika comments but it’s possible there might be more things hidden in the game files 

then i followed the directions in the help page to delete the “firstrun” file to Really Actually start over

i didn’t mess with the character files this time, i dunno if that affected anything but it seems to have actually reset For Real This Time 

i dont remember what this screenshot was for so im gonna use it to point out that if you look at the character sprites, monika is the only one facing directly toward you/looking straight at you and making direct eye contact

everyone else is at a little bit of an angle 

it’s really subtle but it’s there and i love it 

sayori is angled slightly too 

hhoOOO LETS NOT GET INTO THAT 

(this isn’t a changed line referencing the previous save- it was there before, there’s a character exposition line about how monika was in your class before) (it does, however, take on a WAY DIFFERENT MEANING once you’ve played before) 

i did get this comment that i didn’t remember seeing before (protagonist internal dialogue) but it might’ve been there and i just don’t remember. could just be about natsuki falling into the tsundere trope 

this time around I’m avoiding yuri entirely and focusing mostly on natsuki/clicking words with her in mind (some of them were sayori’s but i think im still getting Mostly natsuki words / no yuri words) (no sightings of the mysterious monika chibi yet lmao) 

which does actually seem to have an effect on the plot direction after all!!! 

im looking to see how much of my last experience with yuri was the game influencing me and how much was results of my choices 

so far: the scene where yuri brings you a book to read together still came up, my protagonist was still enthusiastic about it, but i dont remember the Reading Together scene happening this time and my protagonist hasn’t mentioned that book again 

yuri seems uninterested in my poems, sayori loves them, natsuki is outright angry about how much she likes them :’) 

instead of the yuri scenes im getting WAY more natsuki scenes that didn’t happen before/there’s been very little interaction with yuri so there are definitely completely separate paths / probably LOTS of shit i havent seen so im excited 

[fuckedupfairyy-blog]

So yeah, here goes.

So here’s my story, as pathetic as it may be. This is my story.

I had a great childhood, my parents split when I was 10. I blamed myself, only now I’m older I’ve realized it’s not my fault and it was for the best. I was bullied throughout primary school, called a fatty, pushed down, followed and called names. He terrorized me. Then secondary school nothing changed, it just got worse. There were more bullies, they treated me worse. I would walk into class and the boys would laugh and shout “thunder thighs” and say my name in a stupid voices, throwing things.. It was basically hell. So I started looking for attention and compliments elsewhere.

When I was in year 8, aged 13 I signed myself up for adult dating sites. I got loads of compliments and it made me feel amazing. Then being the stupid nieeve girl I was I starting chatting to a guy from Bodmin and arranged to meet him for Pizza and TV. He picked me up from school and my whole life changed from there.

He was a police officer and took serious advantage of me. I still blame myself, because if I wasnt so stupid to get into the car he wouldn’t of been able to rape me or keep me hostage.

From then on I started self harming, every night. I couldn’t get to sleep without making myself bleed. It became a addiction, I then started to become obsessed over my weight. Hating every part of me, crying in front of the mirror because of the constant bullies and flashbacks. I was big, size 22. I was on Tumblr on my desktop in my room everyday, looking at depressing quotes and talking to other people in chat rooms with depression aswell. Then I stumbled across Thinspiration. It ruined me, constantly obsessing over the fact I was fat. So I stole 2 a4 text books from school and sat in the library and printed out hundreds of thinspo pics and motivational quotes. Not so positive, more like.. “Everytime you binge you’re another week away from your goal weight” and a picture of a fat girl and a picture of a anorexic girl saying “cake or water? your choice.” It became my life, calorie counting, not eating for days, challenging myself on how much exercise I can do in a day without collapsing. Basically destroying my body. But I didn’t care, because within a month I had lost 30lbs and I wasnt complaining. In fact I was so happy with myself that i couldn’t stop, from a simple diet I was obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about calories, goal weights and everything in between. I would spend lessons writing out meal plans and drawing tiny girls and my free time telling my abusive ex boyfriend about what I had and hadn’t ate. Then I’d stay up all night self harming and planning out the next day.

The worst part was the hallucinations, I would see ‘The Black Man’ I used to call him. A dark male figure with no face sat on my desk in the corner or the bed looking in my direction. I would try and scream and shout but nothing would come out so I ended up sitting there having a panic attack until my mum came in and he would disappear. This happened for 2 years every night, I would wake up with sleep paralysis nearly every night seeing the same man in the corner screaming not being able to move for about 20 minutes before the scream left my body and my mum came rushing in. It was hell.

I was working with CAMHS who are a children mental health service and they diagnosed me with PTSD, depression, anxiety, EDNOS, body dismorphia and borderline psychosis.

My ex boyfriend was controlling and manipulative. He would also encourage my weight loss, which I guess in a way is totally fair because I was obese. He would stop me hanging out with my friends because he wanted me to himself and kept feeding me drugs so I wouldn’t go anywhere. When I was in year 10 I was doing my photography exam and hadn’t eaten in nearly 9 days. My body basically had a meltdown and I was phsycially sick until I ate something. But as you can imagine after 9 days of just water there wasn’t much to come up so it was a painful and horrifying experience..

After that I didn’t want to stop, after loosing 14lbs in 9 days I was so happy that i carried on making meal plans and exercising all night.

I then got into pills and acid, acid didn’t effect me until the summer where i did the bad acid and after that my mood changed. I would do pills for 2/3 days in a tent with my ex and not sleep then go back to my mums and all hell would break loose. She would say something I didn’t like and i would switch, turn into the most nasty disgusting girl and daughter you can imagine. Screaming in my mums face, punching holes in the walls, kicking holes in the doors, smashing everything in my way until she called the police, i would be detained and then the same would happen the next day. It got so bad that the police told my mum to just call the mental health ward if I kicked off again and I would be sectioned. I ran away from home and lived in a broken car in a car park in Veryan for 2 weeks. To be honest it was great, apart from when I was up by the club in Veryan and saw this women and man. It was a dark night and there was a elderly women stood in the middle of the road. I walked over to her and asked if she was okay she didn’t respond. She was stood there bending down petting her dog then standing up again. But as if it was a video on loop. The dog was running up to me, jumping up at me. It was only a little white Jack Russell. Then i turned around to ask Ash what was going on and he was freaking out. Because he couldn’t see her. Now, i realise it was a hallucination but it still scared the fuck out of me. I could feel the dogs wet paws, see the lady and her blue coat. I turned and there was a man in a trench coat stood on the pavement moving his figure to ask to come over. So I did, and when I did. He disappeared and as I turned so did she. I was convinced it was a ghost but he couldn’t see or hear anything.

Now too this day if I walk down a dark road or anything similar alone i will see the dog running up and down the road.

My other hallucination is also one that has stuck with me throughout my life, The Monkey Man.

He’s a normal, medium sized man around 6ft 3 but he’s got a mask of a monkey stuck to his face and he follows me everywhere i walk alone in the dark. He will be walking just behind my left side and when i turn around and look at him he melts into the ground but when i look forward and then back again he does the same. So I just keep looking out the cornor of my eye to make sure he’s still there and to he honest now it feels like hes protecting me in some sort of way. He’s got my other voice, he’s my opposite but also just like me because he gives me advice on what I’m thinking. Don’t think im crazy, i haven’t seen him in around a year but to be honest, if I was walking alone I would see him and the dog again.

Things now are different, im hardly alone so have not much time to think properly so when i do think it effects the people around me which sucks. I’m a lot better now then I was, I dont get sleep paralysis, i don’t have a weight loss book, I’m eating more then 500 calories a day (which used to be my absolute max), i’ve got a good boyfriend and I dont have to walk places in the dark on my own anymore so I dont notice the hallucinations.

But im still not 100% because little things trigger me, like any mention about my weight at all or me eating anything triggers me and makes me want to fast and exercise. I am pretty sensitive at the moment and I shouldn’t be, but im working on it. I want to be the strong and powerful girl who is independent and gets shit done the first and right way! I will be the strong and powerful girl! I want to have kids one day and be the best mum in whole world, give them everything they need plus more love and care then any kid has ever had. But I also want to be the best wife in the world, I’m going to tone my body up and get fit, learn how to cook the best food ever, be the best and cleaning and be smart funny and good in the bedroom. So you cant say im not getting anywhere because the first step is acceptance which ive done and the next step is to create goals and ive done that. All i need to do now is put those goals into place and i will be flying. Ive got a amazing boyfriend who keeps me on track and makes me feel a little more beautiful every day so as long as we stick together I don't think I'll have any problems. Fuck my past, I am who i am.

Thanks for listening……