#im one of those people who like. stops functioning when i have 3 big entire things to focus on at once

[bmpmp3]

i dont WANT to do my homework i WANT resident evil 4 remake to come out RIGHT NOW so i can WATCH my favourite video game live streamer PLAY IT for hours

[jae-daddy]

Duff (5) (M)

jaebum au series

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight masterlist 

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO! I guess too now  plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your bestfriend, Heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows  a/n: I think I'm completing Duff now! it won’t be too long, I think like four more parts left, maybe more, I don’t have a plan! stay tuned! not edited, hope y’all enjoy it! <3

“Prick,” you seethed, watching the girl laugh as she placed her hand on his arms. 

Even from the distance, you could hear Jaebum chuckle, you could hear his silvery tone and the heat of him as he leaned into the girl and whispered something in her ear.

The girl leaned back with a frown, and Jaebum pointed before turning towards your table. You looked away, but you knew Jaebum had caught you staring.

Your doubts became confirmed when he slid into the booth and placed a drink in front of you, “What were you looking at, love?”

Heather turned to you, her eyes glistening innocently in the lights. You glared at Jaebum before turning towards Heather, “I don’t trust him.”

Heather only laughed, her soft voice floating over the thumping music of the club like a melody, “Don’t be ridiculous, y/n. I really thought the two of you would become friends after working together.”

“Me too,” Jaebum mused in with a knowing smile.

Your glare darkened at him as you lifted the dark liquid to your lips, “Well, you thought wrong.”

“Always breaking my heart, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

You turned to see if Heather saw this blatant flirting, but she was busy talking to the male beside her. She laughed at something she said, her hand falling on his arm. You turned to Jaebum now to see if he noticed her flirting, but his eyes remained on you smug and unmoving.

Your brows furrowed with annoyance at the two of them, and you frowned before downing the drink.

Jaebum instantly placed another in front you, and you glared at him but accepted it anyway. After all, free booze was free booze.

Heather had left with the attractive guy and was now grinding against him at the dance floor, leaving only Jaebum and you remaining in the booth. You glanced at Jaebum who continued to watch you as if you were the only thing in the whole entire universe worth looking at.

“What?” you snarled, making Jaebum’s smile brighten.

“You’re a firecracker, aren’t you?”

“And you’re an annoying cunt, aren’t you?”

Jaebum laughed at that, but your frown only deepened as you spotted Heather’s red-hair in the crowd of people.

“God, Jaebum,” you turned towards him frustrated. You didn’t know how to say this without being a nosy bitch who was causing problems in their relationships, but you couldn’t hold back anymore.

Every time you would go to the clubs with them. Jaebum and you remained on the table, sneering at each other or commenting on the idiots in the club. While Heather was on the dance-floor with a different guy every week, grinding against them as if she didn’t have a boyfriend.

“Don’t you care that she’s dancing with someone else?”

Jaebum shrugged, taking a sip of his beer, “I don’t dance.”

You sighed as your lips drew into a line, “Are you guys in an open relationship?”

“No,” Jaebum snorted, before adding with a heart-stopping wink, “But arrangements can be made for you.”

You groaned at that, “I can’t believe she’s going out with a sleazeball like you.”

“Hey,” Jaebum frowned, “You’re the only person I am a sleazeball with.”

“I’m honoured,” you rolled your eyes. You leaned towards him, your face taunting as you drawled, “And exactly, how many girls have you told that to already?”

“Only you, love,” he leaned, his face just a few inches away from yours.

Your eyes darted to his lips and you swallowed, hard, “Disgusting.”

Jaebum laughed once again, before falling against the backrest, “It’s good that she gets to live her life how she wants to.”

You followed his gaze to where Heather and the guy were dry humping now.

“It’s quite brilliant,” he looked over at you.

“Oh, you think that’s brilliant, cool,” you told him with fake enthusiasm, “I’ll note it down in my diary tonight.”

Jaebum stared at you, the lightness in his eyes shifting with an intensity that settled on you, making you shift uncomfortably. His eyes held you as he saw through every word that you spoke, every sigh and every wall you had put around yourself, and smiled as if he knew all your secrets, “What’s wrong, y/n? Why are you back to being a loathsome little creature?”

You snorted at that, his gaze still heavy on you as you avoided looking at him.

“I thought we were getting along,” he said softly. It was surprising you could hear him over the loud trashy music of the club. You could hear him, and hear that heaviness in his voice that made your heart sink.

You knew he was referring to that night in Heather’s kitchen.

You remembered that feeling in your chest. The lightness and heaviness that settled there at once, that warm little glow that ignited somewhere deep. You remembered the hope, and how your heart wrenched as you saw Jaebum disappear into your best friend’s room.

You knew it was dangerous. You knew it would cost too much.

So instead you smiled at him. You saw his face fall as he took in the sinister twist on your lips as you sang, mocking him, your heart tugging with every word, “Yeah well, you thought wrong.”

His face clouded with confusion, sadness, and your heart bled as he said, “You shared something with me, y/n.”

The smile dropped and your lips pursed into a tight line, you saw the hurt on his face. You shrugged, nonchalantly, “Yeah, I overshare with everyone so don’t think you’re special.”

You looked away from him and his eyes failing to mask the hurt.

//

“Y/n,” he moaned, his voice dark and velvet. 

A breath escaped you as his hot tongue licked your neck before his lips kissed your searing skin. Your eyes rolled back, your hips rising before setting down on his big thick cock again.

He groaned against your skin, his fingers tightening on your hips.

You leaned back, a smirk on your lips as you saw the dark-haired male look up at you. His dark eyes almost closing from pleasure as you rose once again before letting him fill you up once again, tortuously slow.

“Such a good boy,” your lips twisted into a smile, as he let out another breathy groan. Your fingers tangled into his dark hair before you gripped it, pulling his head back. 

You took him in, his eyes needy and dark with desire, his lips red and tempting as he met your eyes. His hips moved helplessly below you trying to fuck you as he wanted.

You snickered, raising on your knees, making him almost whine. You tugged his hair harder, making him hiss, the darkness in his eyes taking over.

“You should see yourself right now,” you amused, leaning down and running your tongue up his neck, reaching just below his ear. You placed a soft kiss there, before biting his earlobe, his hands tightened in response. You grind yourself against him again, and he lets out a throaty groan. “Such a mess.”

You leaned back looking at his handsome face, “Such a pretty fucking mess, aren’t you, Jaebum?”

He nodded, his mind a haze in lust and desire.

You leaned in once again, your lips kissing his pale neck, as he let out another desperate moan, and then another. Another.

Your fingers tugged his hair, caressing it. Your fingers running down his long strands, tracing it down his back, you bit his neck and he let out a soft feminine sigh.

You opened your eyes, and found ember wrapped around your fingers. You leaned back and saw her beautiful face arched up towards you. Her eyes closed, the fire of her hair spreading behind her, her pouty lips parted with a moan.

Heather opened her eyes, the green in them darkening with poison as her lips parted once more, “What are you doing with him?”

Your eyes widened as you stared at her in shock. Her perfectly straight teeth seething as fangs grew in, her eyes changing as she hissed this time. Her body beneath your body, slithered as scales started to cover her.

Her sharp tongue hissed at you as you saw the betrayal turn her into a monster, “I thought we were friends. How could you do this?”

Her s’s drawn-out, as she continued, “I loved him. I loved you. You hurt me. Now pay the price.”

She darted towards you, the venom spitting out of her mouth as you jerked backwards.

You gasped as you jolted in your chair. 

You looked around taking in your surroundings, calming down slightly as you realised you were still in the office at work. You gulped, your throat was dry as you reached for your water bottle underneath your desk.

You choked on it as the male from your dream appeared in front of you. You frowned, as you thumped your chest to help the choking.

Jaebum’s eyes shone with bright lightness as he took you in, a familiar grin on his rosy lips as he snickered, “Can’t seem to function around me, love?”

The choke receded and you spat, “Get over yourself, sir.”

You sneered the title knowing how much it annoyed him.

In the past week, you started to properly work as Mr Im Jaebum’s assistant. During that period you had realised two things. First, being his secretary wasn’t bad at all, he was actually hardworking and wasn’t too difficult to assist. And secondly, he didn’t want to be your boss as much as you didn’t want to be his personal assistant.

He would visibly cringe and frown whenever you said sir, boss or Mr Im.

“Just call him Jaebum, y/n,” he groaned from the hundredth time, “is it really that hard?”

“Yes, I am a professional.”

Jaebum only smiled, rolling his eyes, before he waved you in to follow him instead. You groaned getting up from your seat, and Jaebum smirked at you knowingly, “Yes, clearly a professional.”

You only glared at the back of his head as you followed him in. You couldn’t help but admire his perfect ass, and how great it looked in those suit pants he wore.

He spun around, and your gaze instantly lifted to meet his. Your cheeks flushed as you saw the corner’s of his lips lift as he caught you in the act.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him.

It was literally becoming concerning at this point. All you ever thought about was him. The way he would smile, roll his eyes or laugh at you snarking back at him.

You really didn’t know how you functioned around Im Jaebum, because every time you were around him, your body went into overdrive. 

You thought about him endlessly. You thought about Jaebum when you had dinner, when you would wake up. You would be pleasing yourself, and right before you came, the thing to send you over the edge was always him. You had cum countless times moaning his name, and it was mortifying.

Your cheeks flushed brighter as you thought of all the indecent things about him.

And now, he was even invading your dreams.

Him and Heather.

You shuddered at the memory, but Jaebum had already turned back towards his desk to notice. He lifted up his hand, gesturing you to walk over with two fingers.

The power of that movement, the authority, the dominance, almost made you melt and fall onto your knees, but you still walked towards him. No sign of the storm raging on inside you as you stood on the other side of the table, taking in the sheets of paper spread over the dark wood.

“What are these?” You asked quietly as you took in the papers. All you saw were graphs, research papers and a few photographs of what looked like a UNICEF campaign for poverty.

“Which of these do think is the best,” he lifted up a pile of papers and handed them to you.

A snort left you as you shuffled through the papers, all pictures of Jaebum in different poses; some professional and some completely ridiculous. But he looked like a handsome model in all of them. You sighed, looking up at him, “Once again, what are these?”

“I had an interview with the magazine and they sent over a few finals for me to select,” he replied, as he moved over to your side of the table. You stilled as you felt his presence behind you. He spoke, his hot breath hitting your neck, “Which of these do you think is good?”

You peered up at him through your lashes, as his eyes turned to look at you. He was close, too close. You took a step away, but not before noticing his eyes flicking to your lips.

You bit your lip before you turned to the selection of photos, “What is the interview for?”

“For me.” 

You gave him a dry look, “Yes, and what exactly about you?”

“Oh, I don’t know actually,” he frowned as he scratched his temple. You gave him another dry look and shook your head.

“Yeah, the interview is not happening, I’ll call them up and cancel now.”

Jaebum looked at you wide-eyed, his hands grasping your elbow to stop you as you passed him, “What? Why?”

“They are a gossip magazine, Jaebum,” you sighed, gesturing to the covers they had sent over. “They aren’t showing a title for you cover story, or for any of the other stories they’re doing because they don’t want to reveal the theme. Chances are, it’s not nice and will only cause trouble.”

“But I-”

You cut him off with a sigh, “Look, if you want interviews I can set some up for you. Journalists would fall over themselves to get a chance to interview you, but not them,” you pointed to the pile of cover shoots, “They will only tear you apart to sell their magazine.”

“It’s a friend,” his eyebrows furrowed together so innocently, you wanted to stroke his face and make the worry disappear.

But instead, you gave him a grim smile, “Does your friend run the magazine?”

“No.”

“Is an editor or hold power?”

“No, it’s a friend of his who needed something big, and I just wanted to help,” he trailed off. He let go of his grip on you and ran his fingers through his dark hair instead. 

You had run your fingers through them in your dream too, but now you couldn’t remember how they felt.

“If you want to help them, tell your friend to contact me,” you sighed, watching him as he settled onto the couch in the corner of his office. You had realised that Jaebum rarely ever sat on the chair meant for him. He always sat elsewhere unless someone had come to visit for a meeting. “I have a lot of scope for them.”

Jaebum looked at you, giving you a tired smile. You walked towards him, your heels softly sinking into the rug underneath the couch. You licked your lips as you sang, “Benefits of being besties with a socialite.”

Jaebum chuckled half-heartedly, “You and besties are the poster party girls.”

“We know how to have fun,” you replied, still watching him carefully. Jaebum looked absolutely distort and tired as he leaned into his forearms, his dark hair hiding his face.

You stood there for a long moment. You weren't sure if you should walk out and give him space, or sit next to him and soothe his tense back.

Just as you were about to leave Jaebum let out a dark snicker, “I can’t even fucking do this right.”

You stopped and turned towards him. He wasn’t looking at you, his cold and distant eyes stared at the floor as he shook his head, his lips curling.

“All you needed was one look and you knew that magazine was shady, and I...” He shook his head, his lips curling into a cruel smile intended just for him. “I couldn’t even do a single interview right.”

“Hey, come on,” you said softly, deciding to walk over to him. You sat down next to him, “You just came back, you don’t know about gossip magazines. The only reason I know is that I read stuff like that. No one expects you to know.”

Jaebum laughed again, hollow, “No one expects anything from me.”

You frowned at that, “Jaebum if this is about your position and you being the son of the chairman, I think you’re pretty wrong. The Chairman was actually against your appointment, it was the Board that scouted and are fighting for you.”

“It’s only because I am a threat,” he shook his head, as he massaged his palm nervously. “It’s so I don’t go elsewhere.”

“Exactly, you are so good that they can’t afford to lose you,” your frown deepened as you studied him. “So what is the problem?”

“They’ll make me permanent regardless,” he shrugged.

“Do you want to be the Director?”

Jaebum sighed, before shrugging, “I don’t know.’

You bit your lip before you nudged your shoulder against him slightly. He turned to you, and you saw the lightness return to his eyes, and your heart shivered.

You looked towards the front and you said, “Yeah, well, trial periods go both ways. You can say no at the end of this as much as they have the right too.”

You looked at him one more time with a soft smile, “Either way, you’ll do absolutely fantastic.”

“Fantastic,” he repeated, his lips lifting into a mocking grin, and you could barely breath. You gulped as what ever oxygen you had in your lungs all fled as his eyes darted to your lips. You saw them darken, and your stomach dropped.

You remembered the dream and ached at how badly you wanted to see him that way. You remembered the slightest kiss you shared in the elevator and wondered what it would be like to do it properly, to complete it this time around.

His minty breath fell over your lips. You breathed him in for moment, before shooting up from your seat. Your eyes remained on Jaebum, who now stared at the empty space where you had been a second ago. He blinked once, and then a grin broke over his gorgeous face.

“Well,” you breathed, calming your racing heart and the slow pulse in your core. “I’ve got emails to answer.”

You were almost at the door when Jaebum’s voice surrounded you. It was mocking, but you could easily hear the sincerity as he called out, “And you have the nerve to say we’re not friends, y/n.”

You stopped, peeking over your shoulder. He relaxed back onto the couch, but his eyes kept watching you, his gaze burning you as he waited for your answer.

You bit your nails into your palm, and your eyes fluttering close as you sighed, “Fine.”

“Fine?” Jaebum asked, the hope shining brighter than the teasing.

“Friends.” You stated before speeding towards the door.

“Don’t go too hard on those emails, love,” Jaebum laughed, as you walked out of the glass door.

“Prick.” You muttered as you collapsed on your chair.

[mysterystarz]

NOVAAAA CONGRATS ON YOUR 100!! YOU DESERVE IT AND SO MUCH MORE >:( anyway, came to slide in to your event so heh :3

my pronouns are she / her and i prefer to be matched with a male :) mbti is enfp-t and im enneagram 8w7 because im sexc like that love language? im a physical touch kinda girl >:3 what should i say for my personality hmmm im very stubborn, like extremely im also very loud but i can also be very quiet i have an rbf that makes everyone think i hate them but i dont— superiority complex? maybe just slightly im very confident in my appearance and in how i present myself, but when it comes to skillsets im very insecure and thats when im extremely quiet and stuff uhm also i love teasing people but when it happens to me i stop functioning and combust on the spot :| hobbies of mine include writing duh, playing instruments, drawing, skateboarding, and playing sports (sports take up most of my time)

ideal type time lets go :3 so i dont care if theyre an extrovert or introvert—extroverts are easier for me to get along with but introverts are adorable. id like someone with a gorgeous hairstyle because i like messing with hair. someone determined, someone that i can goof off with. MMMM YKNOW WHATS SEXC when they BANTER with me like just that cute adorable “i hate you” “you love me” not ideal type? someone whos too serious. im not a very serious person, but when everything to them is literal i cant stand that. not to be confused with people who are like :| and dont really show emotions, but people who suck the fun out of things

okay yknow whats sexc? being a moot and getting that little extra bit >:3 lets go with love letter <3

EEEEE THANKS NOVA <3 love you so much darling and wishing you many more milestones jn the future!

your cosmic matchup is...bokuto koutarou!

runnerups: oikawa tooru, sakusa kiyoomi

YOUR TROPES ARE:

» stuck together/stranded - the two of you were supposed to be at the hawaiian islands by daytime, basking in the sunlight and being completely carefree. you weren't exactly expecting to find yourself stuck in the airport, a blizzard raging strongly outside as your flight was delayed. striking up a conversation with the spiky-haired ace, you discovered his humor and his love for consistent back and forths with you over just about anything. the two of you ended up in hawaii, together, and a part of you thought that being stranded must have been a good thing if it meant that you got to meet him. (I feel like bokuto is sensitive, but not so much to the point that he doesn't understand sarcastic banter. the two of you seem like the cutest people to go and do this with)

» fake relationship - you were being bothered by all the girls at school for not being an active participant in people's love lives or having one of your own, so you clapped back at them by "dating" the popular ace and captain of the boys VBC...bokuto. you picked him because you knew he'd be easy to convince and be a convincing boyfriend too, due to his affectionate nature. the two of you spent time playing sports and you taught bokuto how to draw (akaashi was laughing his head off at the drawing bokuto did). at the end of the month, you both realized that the relationship you had was too good to give up, so you made it official!

» playing cyrano - you had a friend who really really loved bokuto but was way too shy to approach him, so they asked if you could get him to notice them and befriend him because your personality seemed like the type that could accomplish anything. you went to go befriend him by spending plenty of time with him, whether it be sketching him playing volleyball, or even just making fun of each other over the phone at night under the covers. you eventually came to realize that you actually loved him and were wondering how to let him go for the sake of your friend, only to discover that he loved you too! your friend caught on and said that the two of you were perfect for each other, and was fine because they had moved on in the weeks you had befriended him! (ko, you just seem like the type of person who'd help with matchmaking because you're confident externally and can pull off being composed)

» partners in crime - you and bokuto were part of a crime syndicate that consisted of doing jobs for wealthy people on the down-low in exchange for beautiful, cold, hard, cash. you had worked with bokuto for years now, being the best duo in the entire syndicate and practically drowning in money. he was dextrous and fast, while your strategic planning and outward composition helped you surpass many checkpoints. bokuto always made sure to reassure you of your skillsets and assure you that you were a phenomenal partner through and through! at one of the masquerade events where you had to steal something risky, you couldn't help but be distracted by bokuto with his hair down and realized that you'd loved him for a long time (and he loved you too). (you two seem like the type to go off doing this then going to ice cream HAHAH)

MUTUALS EXTRA: a love letter <3

Hey hey hey, Ko,

You are one of the most amazing people I've ever gotten to meet EVER! Akaashi tells me that love letters need to be sincere, and I'm being sincere when I say that you are the most beautiful, smart, confident people that I know! You're always on my mind and I find pieces of you everywhere, from the snacks we get to those days that you sketch me playing volleyball. You've always been a force to get me out of tough situations, and it always sends some sort of shock current to my heart when I hear you laugh or smile. My love for you is bigger than the galaxy (which is REALLY REALLY big, nearly infinite), and I will always love you for the gorgeous person you are!

I love you, I love you, I love you a lot! 𝓀𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑜𝓊

a/n: hey ko! i hope you liked this (i actually had to think about yours a bit and omg your personality is so fun to write) <3

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14

lol gotta love John’s enthusiasm of being part of the movers and shakers getting shot down cuz he hasn’t actually flexed his Main Character Muscles in quite a long time

though he’s honestly taking his mid life crisis very well all things considered, its good he cares more about his kids than anything else and I like the bond he’s getting to make with Harry, it’s nice!

Now what’s a million times funnier though is the same thing happening to Vriska, she is decidedly NOT taking her midlife “but but I want to be important too!!” crisis not nearly as well as John is haha

VRISSY: I guess you Did go Viral, 8ut the news moves so fast these days. I don’t think Any8ody is like...

VRISSY: Glued to their phones Waiting for your New Hashtag Resistance content.

Yeah Vriska, you’re so 15 minutes ago :P people have moved on

what, did you think you were going to be important forever?

VRISKA: What’s the point of me even coming to this shitty fake reality if I’m not supposed to fix it?

to have a mid life crisis about not being important anymore obviously :P

VRISSY: Yeah, they told me about That stuff, but a Lot of the Shit that Happened in the Session if just not in the History Books.

VRISSY: You weren’t Really mentioned that Much.

VRISKA: Excuse me?

I Am Living For This Whole Conversation

VRISKA: I SINGLE H8ND8DLY!

VRISKA: CURED YOUR MOTHER’S FUCKING ALCH8LISM!!!!!!!!

JOHN: uh, vriska, everything okay over there?

VRISKA: EVERYTHING’S FINE, J8HN!

JOHN: okay.

JOHN: do you girls want a snack?

ASJHGFSHFHWE yeah calm down Vriska have a snack 

ahh, loving it

Turns out, History is written by the people who were left who decided to give a damn about writing it, and if those people Don’t Like you, they can just decide to not mention you, no matter who you are or what you did

All your “important” accomplishments are for naught and have become meaningless because you’re an asshole and other people didn’t like you enough to decide that you mattered in the long run

Congrats! Infamy doesn’t matter as much as Connection

Aww, cute with Annie getting hug bombed by her moms

Though, Rose definitely has a stronger bond with Annie than just being her surrogate it looks like

I understand this family situation just fine, if Annie really was just supposed to be a way for Jade to overcome her lonliness, and Rose was her only functional way and only person she could approach with this idea, and Rose responded out of care for her friend

Rose, shouldn’t really have a distinct mom attachment here, because then it implies a stronger than platonic relationship with Jade

but it could just be a great example of “this is why you don’t agree to create a child with your friend purely because said friend was crying out of lonliness out of failed relationship and wanted a child to fill that void of lonliness but who then shoves said child off the sidelines and doesn’t interact with her at all and leaves her in the hands and care of a supposed enemy and

yknow, I think I’m just gonna stop there before I remember Jake also knew about Yiffany existing so if the only ones who didn't know were John/Dave/Karkat and Kanaya then what was honestly the point of hiding her in the first place

Its not the fact that Yiffany exists that Im finding hard to believe, its just hows she treated narratively after she started existing thats stretching my rubber band into a dangerous area

“ROSE: Is it the libidinous power rush that comes from snapping your fingers at men with guns, or are you worried that you might accidentally do something heroic?

(its the latter)

“She stopped thinking about how she would be received, and more about how she could play to the people she knew would receive her favorably.

Looking up she sees Tavvy with tears in his eyes. Rage and guilt surge inside her. This situation is not her fault.”

Gotta Justify It. Gotta Justify It.

Doesn’t matter if I’m Right or Wrong, if enough other people validate me than Everything is Fine and I’m a Good Person.

JANE: So before you accuse me, take a look at yourself!

JANE: I'm the only one who has taken any interest in her upbringing or education!

JANE: Or have you forgotten who has been paying for her schooling and taking charge of her introduction into society?

JADE: i never asked you to do that!

JADE: you offered!

Okay but Jade, you DID let Jane have Annie in the first place and then presumably washed your hands of her, when supposedly the only reason Annie exists is because you wanted a daughter with whom you could have a loving relationship with

You gotta, explain you’re thinking there Jade cuz I still don’t get this bit

Though in thinking about it, I think I know why this happened

Jade grew up isolated from any person, but still loved her grandfather, despite his absence

to her, family relationships didn’t involve any sort of personal work, they were just things she had because she had them

did she just believe the same would happen for Yiffanny? that she could paradoxically still have a relationship despite long absences? Annie doesn’t seem to have any resentment here for Jade or Rose so I mean ???

“ If they were to kill Tavros, the entire world would see them commit this war crime. And weighed in the balance, Lalonde and Harley would be off the playing board. Saving your daughter certainly counted as a heroic death, and with the damage they'd done to humanity, it would also probably be just. “

She hates them both so much she’d let Tavros die for it

But also, she really does calculate everything in terms of how the Masses would view their actions as Just or Heroic

so yeah, she was absolutely about to let Tavros die, damn Jane

literally the only thing that stopped you was that Jake viewed the threat as a real threat and was about to do something stupendously Heroic to save Tavros and you decided you didn’t want Jake to die a heroic death

On the flipside, oh damn, Yeah Vriska’s going full throttle right on the nose ahead with the obvious audience expectation, that there gonna make another sburb session and get the obvious group of important 4 kids to god tier

that’s clearly the path vriska wants and expects, but hey, just imagine if what Vriska wanted to happen didn’t happen this time, imagine if the kids were just like “nah im good?” when it comes to a god tier

The narrative is making it super clear that at least 3 out 4 kids are kinda not feeling all the outdoorsy action and excitement of a game of life and death

Annie though I could hella see her down to play sburb and get a god tier, shes got that whole “isolated childhood trauma and parental issues pressure cooking her a strong will to take her life into her own hands” energy

Vriska, go see Annie, her strong willed butt is more of the action girl you’re looking for I think

At least if they do end up playing the game and getting the tiger, Annie feels like the first one to do it or the action catalyst of their session, like how Vriska was for hers, or Dirk for the alphas, or

hmm. who was is that kinda, moved things along for the Beta’s again? I think it was Rose, but Dave did a ton to move things along as well, but also their trolls like Terezi and them gave everything big nudges, I think Rose counts as the equivalent Beta in session mover and shaker though

Side note: the panels with vrissy and vriska here very feel cartoonish and light hearted, interesting choice

but it does give off Major “Play Game: Level 1″ vibes if that makes sense

What the fuck is with the Dave Soldiers

I mean, they look more like Red Johns?Jakes? with the black hair

the glasses throw me off though-

UHH DID THEY JUST FUCKING KILL HARRY ANDERSON??

HOLD ON. HOLD UP

TAVROS AND ANNIE: WITH ROSE/JADE/JAKE/JANE

VRISSY: WITH VRISKA DOWN BELOW

HARRY: WITH JOHN. ON JOHN’S COUCH.

JOHN IS ALSO STILL HERE, MEANING HARRY SHOULD BE WITH HIM.

yeah he literally just went outside for a second to see where the V’s went and then the house gets bombed, and we get three whole panels dedicated to John slowly sitting down in the wreckage

Harry Anderson just got fucking killed holy shit.

oh my god, they were leading up to it too.

We just had three seperate death flags for the other 3 kids in a row

Brain Ghost Dirk warned Jake that Annie was gonna die via electrocution unless he stepped up

Jane was gonna let Tavros die vie neck snapping (even though Kanaya really wouldn’t have)

Vriska and Vrissy discuss god tiering, and what it would mean for Vrissy, death is a subtle implication there but still there

Now to see if Jane’s ever revived Harry Anderson before in the next update I suppose :o

*edit*

They did not kill Harry Anderson, I saw pumpkins in front of the house that got exploded and didn’t see it looks different than the other bland white suburban house that John actually left, so no one died, Harry just got his implied death threat turn

Harry is at Roxy’s House, John sits in the smoldering ashes of his childhood home, languishing in the idea that Jane, the girl who might have in another reality been his loving grandmother, actually wants him and his kids dead for realsies

he never really got to sit and think about the hole where his home was that the meteor struck when he entered sburb huh? (I know his house came with him, giving the allusion all was well in the Medium, but a real meteor still struck the place that he stopped existing on OG Earth, to an outside observer, it would look like a meteor destroyed his home)

with Vriska talking about sburb to Vrissy, it is nice imagery to imagine the implications of the Kids god tiering from Earth C

and the destruction left in their wake

[chicago-reeed]

Detroit Evolution

So

These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.

Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily

- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT

- fuck he smellin the flowers good

- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”

- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25

- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS

- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA

- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch

- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again

- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME

- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION

- C H R I S  IM SCREAMING

- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for

- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl

- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND

- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion

- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod

- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed

- The only time I will support police brutality™️

- Gavin is so OP we stan

- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900

- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs

- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH

- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING

- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin

- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛

- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”

- Ada: *exists*

- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP

- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING

- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year

- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN

- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri

- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful

- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY

- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈

- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN

- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD

- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn

- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎

- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always

- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here

- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr

- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️

- The level of reed900 is staggering

- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in

- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED

- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update

- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD

- maybe “our calendar” will be our always

- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller

- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV

- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud

- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️

- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW

- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind

- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF

- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love

- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE

- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333

- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose

- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already

- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔

- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses

- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”

- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰

- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H

- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy

- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM

- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)

- inconspicuous loving glances™️

- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20

- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️

- Gavin has not slept in 80 years

- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH

- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm

- hell yeah sleepover time

- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt

- ANDROID DREAMS

- Nines is so soft I might die

- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair

- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh

- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO

- dream!gavin you sly dog

- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET

- Nines being insecure™️

- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain

- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(

- nu babie don’t be sad🥺

- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost

- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed

- FUCK

- Concerned boyfriends™️

- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always

- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔

- Insecure boyfriends™️

- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900

- did someone say  c a t

- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better

- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst

- cue tragic backstory

- oh

- tragic backstory indeed

- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE

- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears

- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING

- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito

- YES

- HAND>HOLDING

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE

- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared

- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)

- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT

- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT

- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT

- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight

- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears

- frick dude that ouches

- Insert sad babie noises

- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑

- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind

- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)

- Chris = :D~oblivious~

- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME

- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH

- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️

- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst

- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines

- #DetectiveChen2K20

- real sad gavin hours

- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella

- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT

- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc

- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]

- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development

- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings

- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️

- SMOKE>FACE

- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.

- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó

- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò

- “It’s fine”™️

- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨

- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG

- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha

- oh no I have a not good feeling

- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL

- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK

- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

- 😖x1000000

- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence

- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED

- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey

- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔

- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED

- he MAD mad

- Tina speakin straight facts I love her

- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES

- f u c k  right in the heart

- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS

- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT

- HAND HOLDING FTW

- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING

- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS

- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way

- OH SHIT HE AWAKE

- that actually low key jump scared me

- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy

- REUNION

- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”

- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD

- You Undead Asshole™️

- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit

- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago

- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you

- ooOOHHH  S H I T

- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN

- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened

- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME

- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT

- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement

- ❤️💘🧡💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓💗💘💖💚💝❤️

- FUCK

- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK

- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying

- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE

- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that

- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go

- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U

- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20

- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN

- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF

- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️

- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T

- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️

- FIGHT SCENE™️

- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎

- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment

- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger

- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”

- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE

- That character development godt damn

- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.

- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”

- “I can’t be everything you need.”

- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.

- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.

- naked hand = love

- CHEEKY BASTARDS

- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME

- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL

- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.

- Holy damn

[ispyawildmars]

ok im mad and need to scream about some stuff but i also don’t want to make ppl scroll past some longass post soooo. tw for body image stuff, food, emotional abuse, injuries, just shit ass environments in general.

I never see anyone talking about athletes and body image and how horrible team environments can be so i’m talking about it, as a student athlete who is dealing with the mental, physical, and emotional repercussions that sports have had on me.

okay. so. I have been a competitive swimmer since I was 7 years old. From the age of 7 up until 2 years ago, I swam with the same club team. I’ll call them the Sharks.

some background before I start talking about the body image thing: One thing i don’t think many people realize is how fucking abusive of an environment club swimming teams can be. and I really don’t say that lightly. Swimming is a sport where you train together but compete separately and most club teams are just groups of people who train together, not teams. You are constantly compared to the people you practice with. You are belittled if you can’t keep up and its personal attacks on your worth as a human. I was trained to believe that my worth as a human being depended on my performance in the pool. I am still dealing with unlearning and the repercussions of this mindset. Coaches can basically say anything to you. It’s normalized for coaches to be absolutely horrible to their swimmers. I had coaches who called us lazy, stupid, worthless- who would yell and swear at us. With that in mind, lets slide over to the body image thing.

First off, as an athlete in general, nothing specific to swimming- I was conditioned to associate my body with my athletic performance. The only use that it served was to allow me to compete. I was also constantly encouraged to push through major injuries. From what I’ve heard from other athletes and from being on my school’s cross-country team, this is normal for athletes, especially those who have been competing since a young age. I have permanent damage to my shoulder because a coach decided that a rotator cuff injury that put me in a sling for months and was inches away from surgical wasn’t a good enough reason for me to have a modified workout.This same coach insisted that I (and multiple other swimmers) swim through asthma and panic attacks. I nearly passed out during his practice multiple times and even blacked out on the pool deck once, just to be told that I “needed to suck it up”. I genuinely didn’t know what it felt like to not be in some level of pain from my sport. 

Now for swimming. Obviously as a swimmer, you are half naked around random people all of the time. If you’re trans, it’s dysphoria central, but in my case i just became completely desensitized to it. (that led to a whole ton of other issues but that can wait.) The other thing that this means is that you are comparing yourself to others constantly. And if you aren’t comparing yourself, then someone else is. Other swimmers, parents, coaches, everyone. Coaches will encourage you to be unhealthy. They will encourage you to lose weight, to push yourself harder than your body can physically handle. When I finally quit my club team, I effectively had a second puberty. I was working out to such an extent that my body shut down necessary functions. I didn’t have a regular period. When I quit, within 2 months I started having regular periods, my hips got wider, and I gained weight- something that should have happened when I was going through the rest of puberty. Immediately, my self esteem dropped and people started commenting on it. My mother told me that I was getting soft. I was getting healthy but told that I was “letting myself go”. My relationship with food was fucked up. I had been telling myself since 5th grade that it didn’t matter what I ate because I would burn it off in practice. So once there wasn’t a practice to burn the food off in, I started feeling guilty about eating what I wanted. I was so used to treating my body as a machine to compete with, that I was completely alienated from it. I quietly hated myself for so long. As a swimmer I thought that I needed to be taller, be slimmer, to not have big thighs. After I quit my club team, I started hating things that I genuinely cannot change. I can’t change the width of my hips. I can’t change the way that my body fat distributes itself. 

So where am I now? I still am a competitive swimmer. I am still registered with my former club team, because that is the only way that I can compete in swim meets. But I do not go to their practices. When I go to meets, I do not participate in meet warmups with them. I will only speak to 3 coaches that work with that team. I swim with my school team and with a summer team- these teams are based on having fun and being teams. My school coach works incredibly hard to make us a team because she is a former club and college swimmer who knows how bad teams can be. I took an entire year to stop hating swimming and another year to realize that I genuinely enjoy the sport. I am still unlearning the idea that my self worth is tied to my success in school and sports. (no, swimming is not the factor that contributes to this). I am still learning that my body is fine the way that it is. But mostly, now I’m pissed off. I have healed enough to fight.

So why am I bothering to write about something that happened years ago- well first off, in order to process this trauma. And yes, it is trauma. And second off, because I want other athletes to know that they aren’t the only ones dealing with this and that it IS NOT OKAY. It has been normalized in so many sports. But that doesn’t mean what happened is okay. You are worthy of kindness and deserve to not hate yourself. Your body is fine, I promise. You are enough, as you are. You do not have to change a single thing about yourself in order to be enough. you always have been and you always will be. 

I love you. And I know that right now it doesn’t feel like it but you are a human and worthy of love. You will fuck up and you will learn to move on from it. You are human. and that is ENOUGH.

[wexhappyxfew]

Happy Trivia Tuesday sunflower sister 🌻🌻 what are some moments in your writing that you’re super proud of?

aw jj! thank you! and happy trivia tuesday my sunflower sister!! and OMG this question IM LIVING FOR!! you’re really about to make me just GO OFF!! 

i am taking the opportunity to talk about hazel and joe JUST BECAUSE i worked really hard to make it a good relationship between the two simply because of how different they are but how well they truly work so ~ ENJOY! <3

Hazel Parker and Joe Liebgott

so one of the things i’m super proud of myself for in my writing is actually writing hazel and joe’s friendship/relationship - and i know it’s not just a certain and such, but it is something i worked SUPER HARD ON to really develop and really delve into and really work on so that even when we get into postwar people are still commenting things like ‘yes i’ve always loved these two’ or ‘their relationship is beautiful’ etc, things like that! AND LET ME TELL YOU IT HAS PAID OFF!! 

when i first developed the concept for writing The Soldier of Stars - none of my female characters had any relationship goal for the end - just because i say that and the love interest switches the entire time, so i told myself no goals - just write and see what happens - and well it sorta just happened.

for me hazel and joe’s relationship is strictly about the friends to lovers trope, but mainly the idea of, they have set foundations of trust, loyalty, love, inside jokes, humor, they understand one another, can talk about anything, comfort each other, be vulnerable - all the sorta things that a normal best friend would be like! and then it sorta just developed into an actual relationship - but i loved it so they stuck around!!

but every friendship or relationship i write has those factors in it - always. 

hazel and joe was very much just a pure connection they had with one another - they’re complete opposites, they live on different sides of america, and they don’t essentially really function the same. you have hazel parker, this pure, sweet, innocent, and soft-spoken sort of young woman and then you have joe liebgott, a sarcastic, slightly angry, loud mouth and opinionated sort of guy. but together? they both bring out different sides of one another that we normally don’t see. 

joe brings out hazel’s funny side, more relaxed side and we even see her dangerous side around him such as during d-day when she gets into battle at brecourt manor. hazel brings out joe’s soft side YALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN - he literally turns to a soft bean around her, and i’ve loved writing it sm!! to be able to develop joe liebgott’s character past the normal ‘angry, hot-headed’ sorta person and actually make him a human being - one with emotions, who is fiercely loyal to his friends, understands emotions, can be SOFT - that sorta thing. and it has been fun to write. 

they’re friendship and relationship has always just been about being open to one another, and not trying to shy away from issues that might surround them - they just know that if theres a problem they can go to each other, and that they always know they can go to one another. 

and sorry, bit of a self-promotion - not really but idk what to call it, but just some comments from readers that make me just super proud and relate to this topic just because i can’t find anymore words and these comments fill in for it LOL 

THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY FAVS!!

“ their friendship is one of the things i love most in this story.”

“ he knows her so well <3 “

“ this was so cute!! omg they are perfect for each other!”

“ they’re so in love.”

“ MY HEART I LOVE SOFT LIEB!”

“ you have no idea how much i love their friendship <3″

“ i love their friendship two completely different personalities yet share the same bond.” 

“ i love the friendship between lieb and hazel.”

“ best friends you say? me refuses to accept.”

“ the chemistry *side eye gif*” LOL

“ i swear, we’re all shipping them. they’re endgame.”

“ i am still waiting for lieb to realize he’s got it for her -let’s be real, he’s gonna realize before hazel.” 

“ the way you write joe and hazel is so amazing!!”

“ I love their love <3″

“ i can see hazel sloooooooowly realising she loves lieb.” 

“ i love soft Lieb. he is the best <3″ 

just some of my favorite comments throughout the series on joe and hazel bc honestly the two are soft and pure beans together and i love them - i could go on but these comments sum them up enough so i’ll stop LOL <3

the last thing i want to talk about is my use of...

EMOTIONS

in my stories, i’m really proud of how i have used emotion and how it has impacted the story - i’ve had readers saying before that the way i write using emotion has made them actually feel the emotions through the text or get emotional which is something i personally strive for as a writer! emotions have always played a big part in my life as a fairly emotional person so writing with emotion is something i’ve grown to be super proud of! and it just helps people really relate to the story i feel - whether it’s happy, sad, angry, upset - all of it - i just for me see it always as a way for someone to relate.

so really writing emotions i’ve seen such a growth in my stories for that specific reason, through simply writing emotions. i feel for me as a writer i’ve always wanted to make people feel the emotions i feel when writing, so really clicking into emotions and such is just something i’ve always done and it has translated to my writing :) it’s just a huge part of who i am!!

thank you sm for the questions jj!! sorry i sorta went off with hazel and joe - i love those two with all my heart and this question gave me the chance to really just go off on my love for them AHHHHHHH and the emotions i could go on but it is already long enough LOL thank you sm!!! <#

[botanyshitposts]

im still working on that paper on government regulations of GMO crops and its just.....really fascinating. i feel like i just....wasn’t very well informed about exactly how these plants interact with environment and with people before, although ive heard vague arguments about legality and possible dangers one way or the other tossed back and forth a lot. the regulation in a legal sense is done by USDA APHIS under title 7, chapter 104 (the Plant Protection Act), and it’s very messy and very interesting. for example, i’ve heard a lot about the ‘intellectual property’ legal case with Monstanto, but i just learned about the supreme court case Monsanto Co. v. Geertson Seed Farms, which concerns the actual regulation of some of these products. 

background: the issue in this case is if GMO crops could cross pollinate with non-GMO crops and introduce those genes inadvertently into nearby wild/organic populations. this is a big factor of what people mean when they say ‘GMO crops could hurt the environment’ (wether or not it could actually cause harm is another thing that kind of is on a more case-by-case basis with the gene involved and stuff). 

from there: 

1. if you are a company wanting to mass-produce ur GMO crop, then u put that crop through years of development and then contact USDA APHIS, who sends people out to put it through it’s paces and make sure that it’s not going to fuck anything up/hurt people. usually by this point the company is 600% sure that it’s safe, because the entire regulatory process costs a lot of money and you don’t want to put just any old crop through that just to have it fail. 

2. again, USDA APHIS runs under title 7 chapter 104, which classifies GMOs as ‘plant pests’ (this wording gives APHIS the legal jurisdiction to screen them like they do). BUT because of the technical meaning of ‘plant pest’ in another law, a GMO is only a GMO if it contains DNA from another organism. so if you take DNA from the same plant and move it around/modify it, you can petition USDA APHIS to declassify it as a plant pest, meaning that the particular crop becomes completely deregulated and can just kinda....do whatever, get planted whatever, etc and is completely out of the jurisdiction of the department. (it should be noted that this is kind of viewed as a loophole, because one of the concerns about genetic engineering is that by moving genes around the genome, you could accidentally insert it into another gene and break it’s function, causing unintentional adverse affects.)

3. this wording also means that USDA APHIS also has to abide by NEPTA, the National Environmental Policy Act of 1969, which states that if APHIS gets petitioned to deregulate a crop, before they do anything they first have to do an environmental assessment of the crop that is wrapped up in a report saying ‘yea u good, because all our tests came back negative, ur plant is now Free’, ‘you are not allowed to grow this, because of x reasons, your plant must remain under our regulations’, or ‘you are allowed to grow this Wherever and do Whatever, but only in certain places where you can be sure x things won’t happen, if you grow it outside those zones then its back under our jurisdiction’. if USDA APHIS decides that it’s safe enough, they can allow the crop to enter deregulation before the environmental assessment is finished. 

so it’s 2004, and Monstanto has an alfalfa crop variety that’s Roundup Ready (meaning that it’s resistant to their patented herbicide Roundup, and if you have it planted you can spray the field with that herbicide and kill everything but the crop. they have a few different kinds of crop like this but this case concerns their alfalfa variety). they decide ‘hey, lets go petition the USDA for our crop to be deregulated so we can do Whatever We Want with it’. the problem here is that alfalfa is open pollinated, meaning that it’s naturally pollinated insects.....that also pollinate other alfalfa nearby. alfalfa that may not be GMO. alfalfa that may, in fact, be organic.....which, by federal regulation, cannot be GMO. APHIS looked over the case and did an assessment and was like ‘yea sure sounds good’ and started the process of deregulating the crop.

organic farmers in california noticed this, and they were like ‘that’s not very cash money of u’. so in 2006, Geertson Seed Farm and a few other organic farms rallied together and went to the california district court and were like ‘we dont think APHIS’s environmental assessment was enough, and we think that they should conduct a more thorough investigation, and during that investigation they should stop the process of deregulating the crop’. the court was like ‘yea that sounds reasonable’, ordered APHIS to conduct a new investigation, and ordered that Monstanto would not be able to plant any more of that alfalfa until APHIS had finished said investigation. monstanto was like ‘can you just like, partially deregulate it so we can like, plant it in some places at least?’ and the court was like ‘No(tm)’. 

monsanto Did Not Like This. they appealed to the california appeal courts, who in 2013 also said No(tm), and they still Did Not Like This, so they appealed to the u.s. supreme court, who was like ‘yea ok you can plant it in some places until APHIS finishes the assessment, because Geertson Seed Farm didn’t actually like....have any harm done to them, and we’ve decided that they need to show harm before they can demand that it not be deregulated’. they also decided that cross-contamination between organic and GMO crops does not qualify as harm done to those crops, because ‘harm’ in the context of a ‘plant pest’ is widespread physical damage and destruction of other plants, and changing the genome of a plant like that is not physical damage, which is....a really interesting conclusion that brings up a lot of questions, tbh. i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, like....this is pretty strictly adhering to just the damage imposed on plants, and doesn’t branch out to consider how cross contamination could impact organic farmers economically through potentially having their crops deemed non-organic do to no fault of their own. i also feel like this is one of those cases where it could have some Wild Ass implications if it ever comes up in a human or animal context, although i can’t say exactly what that might be. 

[strawberryspeachy]

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

[verdigrisprowl]

June 3 Dancitron Movie Night - Over The Hedge

Did any of the Cybertronians actually watch the movie?? I don’t actually remember any of them talking about it. I watched the movie. It was pretty good.

After the movie Soundwave confessed to Prowl his terrible crime: he accidentally had a Cassetticon on his shelf for seven years because he thought it was a normal cassette. Soundwave is a criminal. A villain. An unforgivable monster. Prowl told him it's not that big a deal actually. But uh, seeing as they’re in a relationship, it would be inappropriate for Prowl to be the one to declare he didn’t do anything illegal, so probably Soundwave should go tell the story to a police department that isn’t headed by his amica and get them to clear him.

Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 7:42 PM Soundwave's had a hell of a weekend.

Why? Well, when you spend all of it in a hospital, desperately trying to avoid any and all questions about the mech you've brought in - someone who's so deep in unassisted stasis lock it's a wonder they even have a functioning spark left, for the record - you're just not going to have a good time. It's impossible.

It gets worse when you're a carrier and the being you apparently left hanging for the better part of seven years is a cassette-shaped minicon. So much worse.

And then there's that whole thing with Primus from last week to worry about.

He's really looking for a good laugh tonight. Hopefully the human film will bring him one. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 7:44 PM Prowl, comparatively, has only had to worry about—well—Soundwave. That said, he's arriving a bit earlier than usual tonight. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 7:46 PM Panic kicks in before good sense does, and for a moment, Soundwave thinks this is finally it. He's going to be arrested. Why else would Prowl be there?

...The movie. Right.

He's just going to head on over with his arms open. Embrace? Please? Small one before everyone gets here and he has to non-literally hold his tongue? Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 7:48 PM Prowl meets him in the middle to embrace him tightly. "How are you?" Last week's conversation has been weighing on him ever since. He can only imagine it's been weighing on Soundwave, too. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 7:49 PM Can Tarantulas be a fly spider on the wall? He's going to try to be, and hope they don't notice him yet. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 7:52 PM Soundwave shakes his head. It hasn't been a great time. [[He has - he needs to tell you something, when tonight is over. To ask for--]] Frown. How to phrase this. [[For advice. He does not trust anyone else to tell him the truth.]]

Tarantulas is indeed on the wall. SpecsToday at 7:54 PM Enter dragon! She's taken Soundwave's advice and just bridged the snacks to the counter this time. That really was a lot easier. She's done something new, tonight! She carefully created some artificial quartz so that it has high-grade inclusions, and coated it with a thin layer of titanium. Hopefully it will pass muster from the ones who matter most- the minicons.

"Hello, Soundwave!" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 7:54 PM Prowl draws back slightly, to give Soundwave a worried look. His concern—no, fear—is that this is going to be how-do-we-deal-with-a-stalker-god advice. But he nods. "Of course." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 7:55 PM With all the wild, untamed infant activity lately, Swoop has found life returning to normal. His unsupervised wandering continues unimpeded. Freedom is meant to be enjoyed and, now that he's normal sized again, Swoop feels absolutely no hesitation at terrorizing the Cybertronian wasteland before heading to Dancitron. Watch out, movie night, there's a pterokid tumbling ass over teakettle through the front door, laughing all the way. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 7:57 PM Ravage is already poking his nose up over the bar to sniff at the fake quartz. He might fish around for a few pieces with a paw. Like one does.

Soundwave pings Prowl some gratitude and quickly squeezes what he's still holding before moving to greet the others. It seems Swoop is in fine form. With any luck, it won't be TOO much like usual. He's not in the mood to get into another fight.

[[Dragon. Impressive work; the offerings barely budged.]] Had Rumble done it, the snacks would've gone everywhere. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 7:57 PM Smokescreen's oblivious to any tension previously in the room, and comes in with a surprisingly fancy cape on his back, hiding his back and his doorwings, too, somehow. If there's one thing he got from Alpha Trion, it's his bad taste. "Hey Soundwave!" Smokescreen's again, brought some semi-sweet, surprisingly fruity cookies to share tonight! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 7:57 PM ((STARTING IN 7, GET WHAT YOU NEED)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 7:57 PM sitting far away from Autobots, looking nervous Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 7:57 PM Prowl takes his usual seat. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 7:58 PM ((The full url for him wouldn't fit)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 7:58 PM Swoop lets out a happy squeal almost like he's deflating. For the briefest of moments, he's sprawled out relaxed on the floor. Then a grin splits his face and he's curling his legs up to spring onto his feet. Ta-da! Starscream (TBDL)Today at 7:59 PM ((mine doesn't)) SpecsToday at 7:59 PM The dragon churrs delightedly. "Thank you! But really, it's not my own skill. Your alternate brought the bridging technology over. I'm just standing on the shoulders of Cybertronians, as it were." Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:00 PM Would honestly take offense to the whole 'stalker' part, Prowl. Gods have that whole omni-stuff going on. 90% of the time it isn't intentional. And with that he can just feel something is off about certain mechs. It made him feel suddenly, very, extremely, uncomfortable the moment he crossed through the door.

Glances at Soundwave[slendy] questioningly. Dare he ask? [I should grab mini stuffed peppers for nom before movie] Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:01 PM Nervous glance at Primus "Are you an Autobot?" Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:01 PM Yeah, don't stop at the door. He's going to prod the god in the back to get him moving to his own seat. Stop scaring mechs with your poor words and worse people skills. SpecsToday at 8:02 PM ((oh man last week's movie night was a kaiju movie? and I missed it? D: )) ((I did see king of the monsters though and MOTHRA SAID TRANS RIGHTS)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:02 PM ((it was very kaiju. there were like, four whole kaiju)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:02 PM Tarantulas takes his cue to drop down in the back of the room and actually transform into a full-size mech. Gotta check out the joint first, feel the mood, y'know? Now that he's done with recon though, he's making a beeline for Prowl and Soundwave's couch, visor in a smile for once as he flops over Prowl's shoulder and resists the urge to nuzzle him. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:02 PM ((how many half kaiju though lol)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:02 PM ((four whole kaiju is eight half kaiju)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 8:02 PM //im sad i missed it but i was too Tired Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:03 PM ((and I was at a job interview :/ Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:03 PM Prowl starts at the sudden touch. Oh! Yes. Good. Hello. Prowl's going to reach for whatever's the nearest part of Tarantulas he can get a hand and/or arm around. ((did u get job)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:04 PM ((They haven't gotten back to anyone yet, so maybe Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:04 PM ((sorry was grabbing a food lemme catch up)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:04 PM ((good luck)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:04 PM Swoop scampers behind Soundwave's couch, his weight resting entirely on his toes as he shifts his weight here and there. "Soundwave, Soundwave. Him Bob want to movie. Him do a movie? Him Bob can come, Soundwave?" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:04 PM ((thanks Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:05 PM "Hello, dearest Prowl. Before I forget - I have a present for you later, hyeheh. No particular occasion, I promise." Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:05 PM Never takes a seat, you know this. Moves though to let his 'babysitter' walk in too. Just going to be out of the way. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:05 PM As soon as Smokescreen spots Tarantulas, he's sending a few excited pings over. He's maybe a bit jealous, but also, he's not moving from his spot, with his back pressed riiiight up against the couch away from Soundwave and Prowl. SpecsToday at 8:05 PM ((I know you all know about the ones in the trailer BUT Scylla is probably kumonga and Methuselah could be angirius, while Behemoth is one they made up themselves)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:06 PM ((those of you who saw KOTM: good :D i hope you liked it. those of you who haven't, WHY NOT))

Soundwave glances at Primus but doesn't focus on him for too long; there is a new alternate and other matters to take care of. A nod to Tarantulas, a [[Yes]] to the excitable Dinobot, and a short wave to Smokescreen. ((WE'RE GOIN)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:06 PM Swoop bobbles his head excitedly, just assuming Soundwave has taken care of sending Bob the necessary bridge. He's perked up and looking around already. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:06 PM Much frown. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:06 PM "Oh? Is it in the mail box?" Slllowly tugs Tarantulas closer. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:06 PM Smokescreen returns a wave to Soundwave, standing up to try to get his cape to flow just a bit. "Hey, hey, Soundwave, you want some new cookies?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:07 PM Pings back in Smokescreen's direction! And pings to Soundwave as well, as recognition for the nod. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:07 PM Yes, 'babysitter' because apparently Primus still mangles his words. SpecsToday at 8:07 PM ((also the movie goes full balls-to-the-walls in a delightful way and I loved it and y'all should go see it)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:07 PM "Smokescreen, are these mechs safe to be around?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:07 PM [[Perhaps later. Place them on the DJ booth. He will eat them after a while.]] Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:08 PM "Of course, Starry! You've been here before, it's safe. The only bots you have to watch out for are Decepticons who are way too into horror movies and stuff." Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:08 PM And arrive Bob does. One teeeeeeny tiny impossibly small iteration of him anyways. And he makes a beeline for Swoop. The best jungle gym. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:08 PM "But they're" stage whisper "Autobots" Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:08 PM Swoop scrambles over to where the tiniest Bob in the multiverse is, all grins and no surprise. He's already reaching out by the time Bobby makes his move. Ignore the talons. It's fine. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:08 PM "Starry... You know I'm an Autobot, right?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:08 PM "No, it was rather too large to fit in the mailbox." Some snickering as Tarantulas climbs over the back of the couch and arranges himself next to and/or around Prowl. "You'll see, you'll see. I just thought I'd give you fair warning." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:09 PM ((How big is Bobby?)) Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:09 PM Talons are just good for grabbing, and hoisting one's self up. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:09 PM "I know, but you are too goofy and friendly to kill me." jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 8:09 PM ((was finishing an overwatch match sorry)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:09 PM "And they are, too!" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:09 PM (Conveniently small XD) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:09 PM Soundwave spots the tiny, tiny Insecticon, and for a moment, he wants to ask them if he can pick them up and hold them.

Then he remembers his seatmates and... figures that's a bad idea. jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 8:09 PM Jazz is a little late today Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:09 PM "That's what I am asking." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:10 PM Swoop squeaks happily and straightens up while Bobby makes himself at home. His wings fan out and he just looks amused. "Hi!" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:10 PM OH MAN. Tarantulas just noticed Bobby too, but at least he had fair warning. He's already given Bobby "ups" a few times. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:10 PM "Hi!" He chitters. Call and response. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:11 PM Soundwave nods to Jazz - and looks around to find out where Primus is. Not going to drape wings on the couch again, he hopes.

...So this is why humans talk about bears as grumpy. SpecsToday at 8:11 PM "Hi!" Oh Goddess it's so cute. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:11 PM "Starry, you'll be fine. You're safe. You know, Primus is like, a DILF, right?" Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:12 PM Might just, sorta, be a wallflower tonight. Dancitron is very busy tonight, Soundwave has Prowl and Tarantulas there, so he's feeling he'd be an unwelcome surprise...

And then he hears Smokescreen. What. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:12 PM "Very well." ... Tugs Tarantulas over and leans onto Soundwave. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:12 PM Bobby is utilizing all four hands to wave. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:12 PM Hides behind the seat, "Primus is here" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:12 PM At least until that gets boring. And so patting at Swoop it is. Let's see if he can reach that crest. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:13 PM "It's okay, it's okay, Primus is good! He's a Dad I Love Fondly, and I'm sure you'll warm up to him, too. He gives awesome snacks." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:13 PM He leans in a little harder than usual. Two companions. Safety enough for now. He'll try to stay focused on the story. Try. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:13 PM And he's staying close to Primus, in an attempt to keep him out of trouble. Then again, Smokescreen just made him snort in a poor attempt to not laugh outright Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:13 PM Swoop tilts his head to make Bobby's job easier. However, he also starts walking over to Soundwave, which probably doesn't help Bob any. Oh well! "Soundwave! Kehehe!" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:13 PM With any luck, Smokescreen will keep Primus distracted. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:13 PM Smokescreen is going to give him a spark attack. Plzno. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:13 PM [[...What.]] Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:13 PM *grabby hands Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:14 PM Oh, Smokescreen did mean DILF in the truest sense of the word. But he's not sure he's ready to tell Starscream what that means. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:14 PM "Look, keehee! Him Bob do a small. Me Swoop small and then Him Bob small." Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:14 PM Aaaaand  finally he gets the crest. Tiny but mighty, it's a good point to try to hoist himself up. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:14 PM "But he's... he's... he's going to send me to the pit!" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:14 PM Enjoy the squirmy buggy. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:15 PM "He won't, he won't- that's like, the opposite of what he does, Starry. I think you're all turned around!" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:15 PM "Megatron says that he sends mechs who have been bad to the pit!" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:15 PM "But you've been good, haven't you?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:16 PM [[Yes. He is very--]] What's a good descriptor. [][][]So.. very small. Very small, - Bob. - You're a tiny thing.[][][] Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:16 PM "No, I keep getting brainwashed and doing bad things and I can't help it!" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:16 PM "Starry, you try to be good, right?" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:16 PM "Yeah" Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:17 PM Point, Smokey. Primus is just going to lean against the wall with his arms loosely crossed. One of his wings spreads out to pull Soundwave[CC] , his current caretaker because he may need that in more than one manner, closer to him. Hi. Did he screw something up last Monday? Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:18 PM Swoop snickers at Soundwave. With one hand, he plucks Swoop off his crest and holds him out to Soundwave. "Yah! Kehehhe. Soooo so small tiny. Keheh. You Bob funny." Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:18 PM "Then you'll be fine. Just- follow your spark?" Smokescreen wraps himself up in his cape, lying down against the couch arm. He could fall asleep here! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:18 PM Soundwave shakes his head and gently pushes Bob back toward Swoop. Not with Prowl on the couch. As much as he really wants to lose himself to the joy of holding a very small Cybertronian. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:18 PM Annnd he's been pulled closer. Hi. Yes. You really did. Even Blaster felt the tension and he's a constant oblivious mess. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:18 PM ... Tiny bug. Very tiny bug. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:18 PM Bob more or less dangles, hands instinctively curling into whatever surface is available for purchase. Swoop's arm, the people around him. It's instinctive. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:18 PM "So if he does do something... you'll try to stop him?" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:19 PM He is. Just going. To. Hold Tarantulas a little tighter. And lean harder on Soundwave. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:19 PM Bobby chirps. Wingies, fluttering. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:19 PM "Of course, of course, Starry. Don't worry. I'll sit on Primus or something." Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:19 PM "Thanks Smokey." Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:19 PM Tarantulas squishes Prowl back, although he's not exactly sure why. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:19 PM Soundwave lets a feeler slide across Prowl's lap in a sort of tiny barrier. No bugs here. jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 8:19 PM "I think this is what they call habitat destruction." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:20 PM But is he not PRECIOUS. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:20 PM Swoop cocks his head at Soundwave but doesn't fight to keep his arm straight. He holds Bob to his chest in one hand like a toy. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:20 PM Ouch. And he doesn't know what because that'd mean asking or prying. One of those is far worse then the other. Which he honestly doesn't know. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:20 PM Oop. More surface area. All hands on deck for Swoop snuggles. He does wave at Soundwave and Prowl. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:21 PM This poor armored beast. What a terrible day it is having. He sympathi-- oh, a wave. He can return a wave. He will absolutely return a wave. And now he's thinking about the cassette again. The wave sort of dies and falls back to his lap. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:22 PM ((i find the suggestion that humans are coordinated enough to construct and sell an entire neighborhood in about four months to be far less believable than the talking animals)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:22 PM Swoop looks down at Bob with big owlish optics before grinning. He's got an idea. The armor on the top of his chest has a lip where the top of his head connects when he transforms to connect his beak. It doesn't do much other than occasionally protect a shot at his neck in this mode though.

PLUNK! Now it is a Bobby seat. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:22 PM ((IKR?)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:23 PM ((to be fair, such suburbs are so cookie cutter and cheap i'd believe they do it assembly line style)) Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:23 PM Ask. Later. MUCH later. When his alternate has settled enough to not try and hide. Now would be a bad idea. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:23 PM He startles at first as gravity seems to take hold, but then his sitting, and cozy. So instead delighted chitters leave him as he settles in his new spot Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:23 PM ((wouldn't doubt it)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:23 PM ((still, it would take massive amounts of resources and demand to undertake it)) SpecsToday at 8:23 PM Dragonloaf. Comfy and cozy. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:24 PM Soundwave gets a gentle pat on his tense shoulders, almost like a little shoulder rub. Here, now you have a paw. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:24 PM ((I think the real question is why do these people want that land so badly that dozens buy it in the span of a few months)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 8:24 PM ((It may not be filled yet)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:24 PM Swoop is the smartest. Look at him. He did a thing. Haha.

But this isn't particularly entertaining. Hmm.... Aha! Swoop wanders around the couch to come up to Tarantulas instead.

"Spiderbot!" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:24 PM The other feeler curls around the paw on his shoulders. Soothing. Thank you. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:25 PM Smokescreen goes ahead and pings Soundwave a couple times, "By the way, Soundwave, you want to try my cookies this week? You can reach over with your long, looong feelers." Because he certainly doesn't want to get up. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:25 PM ((in all fairness, i smell a bag of cheetos from 10 feet away and go starved bear too)) Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:25 PM Wings slowly sink. Primus didn't need to read minds to feel the shift in everyone's field; except Prowl and the dragon for different reasons. Yeah... A very bad idea to ask. Looks at Soundwave[CC] with a deeper frown. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:25 PM [[He will eat them in a while, Smokescreen.]] His tanks are in a bit of a twist at the moment. [[Thank you.]] Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:26 PM Swoop gets a pat on the head with a free paw. "Yes, Swoop? Are you Bobby's nanny, now?" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:26 PM Prowl is SO surrounded right now. It's strangely delightful. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:26 PM "You got it, Soundwave! I'll put it up on the table. Eventually." Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:26 PM "Primus... can I ask a question?" Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:26 PM "...you need to work on word choice." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:27 PM Soundwave shakes his head. [[Mechs like that human are why he opted to live out here.]] Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:27 PM Free pats? Free pats! He's going to sit down in front of Tarantulas now. He throws his arm over the arm of the couch and leans his cheek against his hand. "Nanny is a TV thing." Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:28 PM Hmmm. Can Bobby reach the fluff from here. He stretches to try. SpecsToday at 8:28 PM Prowl is so, so valid. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:29 PM Oop. But apparently he can't even touch his hands over his helm. Welp. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:29 PM Soundwave motions to the dragon. Come join the heap? Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:29 PM "Are you speaking of a particular TV show? ...Do you WATCH television?"

....Hey there, someone's reaching for the fuzz? Let Tarantulas lend Bobby a hand there. Or a paw, actually - they're particularly soft! jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 8:29 PM "Why mop a patio?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:29 PM He isn't sure whether or not this small organic will find the human terrifying. The ones on screen do. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:29 PM "... Do humans really put that much in their garbage?" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:30 PM Nervous peaking over chair back Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:30 PM He snatches up the offered paw immediately, before shoving his whole face against the fluff with a chirp.  New sensations are to be had. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:30 PM Very slightly edges away from the tiny bug. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:31 PM That TICKLES. Tarantulas shakes a little with suppressed giggles. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:31 PM Feels that. Gonna hold tighter. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:31 PM "Is it safe to come out?" Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:32 PM Swoop assumes Tarantulas is reaching out to pat him again. When that doesn't happen, a brief look of startled disappointment makes its way across his face as he glances down at Bobby. But that reaction blows away in the wind tunnel that is Swoop's birdy brain almost instantly.

It takes a bit for Swoop's processor to remind him Tarantulas did the whole talking thing and then regurgitate enough memories to make an uneducated guess at the topic. "Us Dinobots watch lots, lots of TV and movie and stuff." Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:32 PM ... Is it bad that he has the urge to eat sticks watching this Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:32 PM Sends Soundwave a negative ping. Holding was reassuring when bugwas far. Now bug is close and holding is trapping. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:32 PM "What did I say..?" More frowning. Glances to Starscream. "Yes?" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:32 PM "Fuck?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:32 PM Hurriedly loosens it. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:32 PM Bob all the while remains fascinated with the paw, the digits, the fluff. It tickles his face too. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:33 PM "Do you promise you won't send me to the pit if I come out?" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:33 PM When he settles back against Swoop for proper snuggles, he doesn't let go. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:34 PM Cracks a small, bemused, smile. "Yes." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:34 PM [[Small for police.]] [[Unusual fundraiser as well.]] Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:34 PM "Wait, humans have cookie cops?" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:34 PM perks. "Cookie?" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:35 PM "You haven't met Minus yet." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:35 PM Swoop looks down at Bob with confusion. "Cookie?" Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:35 PM [Tiny stuffed sweet peppers. Omnomnom] Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:35 PM Slowly comes out.  Still ready to jump behind someone or something if Primus or any Autbots makes a move in his direction Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:35 PM "Cookie! I've got some cookies. You want some?" Smokescreen's waving a cookie in Bob's direction. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:35 PM Well Bob takes that as confirmation. "Cookie!" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:35 PM [[He meant human police, but-- wait. Minus?]] Minus. Minus. This is familiar. Why? Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:35 PM He nods enthusiastically. Yes please. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:35 PM This squirrel........ is Smokescreen. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:36 PM RUDE. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:36 PM Swoop looks over at Smokescreen. After a second, he holds up his hand. Make it a good throw, buddy. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:36 PM "One of our newest. She's a dataslug." Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:36 PM "Here you go!" Smokescreen tosses the cookie in Bob and Swoop's direction. He's wondering who will get it first! Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:36 PM Swoop, of course, has a FAR longer reach and aerial battle experience. That cookie is his..... to give to Bobby. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:36 PM Well. Given that he has clumsy baby digits, and wonky tiny proportions probably not Bobby. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:37 PM "Aren't their shells like... their backbone?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:37 PM (( .... turtles don't have butts, do they. i cannot imagine a turtle butt Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:37 PM Perk. [[Dataslug?]] Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:37 PM Delighted he squeaks, jaw unlatching to catch the offered treat in rows of tiny needle teeth. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:37 PM "I wasn't there. But it has soured things. Explanations will be needed. Later." after things settle again. For now...no. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:37 PM "Yyyyes, they are, Smokescreen." Tarantulas has a long-suffering look on his face. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:37 PM ((i don't think they have a human booty no)) Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:38 PM The cookie is happilly demolished Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:38 PM ((They do, but pretty sure they don't look like that)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:38 PM ..... sweet. Swoop is all grins when the cookie gets viciously murdered. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:38 PM ((I think it's just like... a hole)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:38 PM Swoop's gonna get crumbs in his collar! Heh Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:38 PM Back to sad Creator mode. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:38 PM "I thought so. So- this isn't like, actually a turtle, right?" Smokescreen is tossing another cookie to Swoop. Sharing is caring! Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:38 PM ((I'm pretty sure turtles can breath through their anus.)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:38 PM I think they are drawings Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:39 PM If Tarantulas thinks Swoop doesn't already have a plethora of crap in his armor, he's going to be sadly mistaken. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:39 PM Big mood, Swoop. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:40 PM G r o s s. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:40 PM ...Wait. He turns to face Prowl. [[Dataslug Minus. Wasn't that--?]] He flashes a shot of Prowl with the little blob. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:40 PM Maybe Tarantulas should acquaint you both with his decontamination rooms. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:41 PM Kinda...pats? Yeah, he's gonna try to make this a bit better? Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:41 PM The slightest smile. It's a very proud slight smile. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:41 PM To be fair, Smokescreen has bigger problems right now than under armor crumbs! He's got a cape just to cover a very particular injury. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:41 PM Swoop is a free range kiddo and will not be tamed into a regular bathing schedule. Instead, he's just going to keep catching cookies to drop into the food processor that is Bob. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:42 PM To which Bob is happily waiting, jaws open to snatch up falling snacks. No quarter is spared. Even a fraction of his usual size he is a blackhole of treat consumption. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:43 PM [[She chose the work herself? It suits her?]] Look at that smile. It must be so. Prowl wouldn't be happy if she got assigned and didn't like it. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:43 PM "Soundwave... those tentacles... are they for data transfer?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:44 PM [[They are for many things.]] Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:44 PM Swoop cackles at the carnage his wee buggy friend can unleash. It doesnt' take him long to start looking around for something else to feed to Bob. Hmmm.... Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:44 PM "She barged into my office and demanded the job. She's still training, but shows great promise." Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:45 PM "They're not just for attractin' mates, huh?" Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:45 PM Pats appreciated, but is still not a happy Creator. Not when he feels things are wrong and a few are his fault. Might have been able to go without knowing. Such is his life. And many of the mechs he would chat with appear to be rather busy with each other and/or the movie. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:46 PM "Can you use them for memory transferal?" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:46 PM There has been a lull in the snack. Bob decides it's time to wriggle and squirm a little. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:47 PM Life sometimes bites. Even gods, apparently. Just keep working at it. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:47 PM HMM. Normally, he'd just tear off some of the couch to feed Bob. But. Soundwave.... Hmm.... He'll just.... pick Bobby up and plop him down on Tarantulas for a second. Now he can run off and get food from the bar no problem. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:47 PM Quiet huffing. She really did take after Prowl, then. Interesting, how these things work.

[[You were a good choice of guardian in the beginning. He thought so then; he thinks so now.]]

Soundwave's not going to acknowledge Smokescreen's comment. He's just going to nod at Starscream - and glance toward Primus again. He senses he's being thought about. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:48 PM Bobby is blinking up at his new current seat Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:48 PM Tarantulas holds Bobby to the side, away from Prowl - is he what's causing the problem? - and gently pets the precious thing while Swoop's off and busy. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:48 PM "She doesn't remember it. It's a fortunate coincidence." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:48 PM This is the funniest thing Ravage has ever seen. Look at this ridiculous damn dog. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:48 PM "Could you store what memories I have externally so I stop forgetting them when I have my mind wiped?" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:48 PM He's now more out of site, but also tucked in close against warm surfaces. Alright. This is acceptable. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:49 PM Here, how about a fuzzy shoulder perch? Perfect for tiny Bobbies. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:50 PM Oh. Even better. He burbles, and flops against the fuzz, nuzzling into it. Wings flick happily. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:50 PM (( my mind went "dan tara, your bobbie s" Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:50 PM (pfffftt XD) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:50 PM "Oh, it's one of those badly made exploding cars!" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:51 PM [[Is that so?]] Even more intriguing. [[He should try to speak with her some time. He is curious about why she did choose the work.]]

[[...Yes. He could do that with the memories. Easily.]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:51 PM ((we were gonna like, talk about doing a plot on those lines, weren't we?)) Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:51 PM Wings shift closer to his frame. They lock around so he looks more like a feathery cape. Somewhat tricky to do when he's not always around to converse or be social on one-on-one to get better about the whole socializing thing.

Soundwave[Slendy] would be correct about his senses. Primus is bad at hiding anything.

WasSmokescreenhurt? Things take time to catch up. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:51 PM ((Yeah, if you still want to we can)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:52 PM ((still want to)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:52 PM ((owo)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:52 PM ((i mean we kinda just launched straight into it)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:53 PM ((true :smiley: )) "Can you do mnemosurgery?" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:53 PM "Frag, for a nanoklik I thought Vernard was singing that." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:54 PM ...He really doesn't want to answer that in public. Even if Prowl already knows about it because of the romantic partner he tortured. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 8:55 PM ((maybe next time lllllet's discuss that ooc BEFORE launching straight into it)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 8:55 PM "I guess that was too much to ask" ((I sort of forgot :/ otherwise I would have)) ((I am dumb)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:56 PM Swoop toddles back to Tarantulas and Bobby carrying a plate that is loaded up for a normal sized Bob. His expression says let's rock n roll! Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:56 PM Bobby meanwhile has stilled against Tarantulas shoulder, lulled by the warm and the coarse fuzz. And perks back up immediately Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:56 PM ((not dumb, none of that)) Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 8:56 PM He can't do much about that. But he's not moving away, but leaning a bit into the god. It's okay to be bad at something when you don't do it often. But, for now, he's here to try and help. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 8:56 PM It's fine - Tarantulas can just plop Bobby right back in Swoop's collar now he's got the goods! Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:57 PM Tarantulas and Swoop are acting cross purposes. Tarantulas is trying to put Bobby on his collar. Swoop is trying to put the dish in his lap. We've come to an impass. Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:58 PM Excellent. Now he can get to work in destroying that plate. Meet in the middle He grabs for it and flings everything everywhere Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 8:58 PM :V Bobby (Wily)Today at 8:58 PM ...well he meant for those to go in his mouth. Oop Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 8:58 PM To screw up badly enough to make Blaster notice? Yeah... Primus isn't supposed to be that screwed up. Even with everything being... myrff. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 8:59 PM "Did he just assign her a fursona?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 8:59 PM [[...It's not too much. It just isn't something he cares to discuss in the open.]] Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:00 PM "... She was cuter before." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:00 PM [[A different environment, for security's sake.]] His and Starscream's. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:00 PM [[Oh?  Yeah we can talk later]] Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:01 PM [[Excellent.]] Soundwave nods. Bobby (Wily)Today at 9:01 PM Bobby is gonna try to scramble out of everyone's hold to go for the snacks. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:02 PM ....okay, fair point. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:02 PM Swoop has nothing against letting Bobby roam free. Even if he did, he's too busy cracking up at the mess. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:02 PM Tarantulas snickers and sighs at the mess Bobby and Swoop have made, but eh - so long as it doesn't get in his setae, he's not gonna worry about it. jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:02 PM Jazz kind of wants to adopt Hammy now Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:04 PM Ruffles and tucks his helm down into his chest. Where's Smokescreen? He needs someone to hug. Soundwave[CC] probably doesn't want to be so. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:04 PM Swoop plops himself down on the arm of the couch and pulls his feet up, giving Bobby free reign to go all out on the mess. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:04 PM Smokescreen is on the couch, with his back pressed right against the couch, but he won't say no to a hug! Even if it hurts a bit due to his back injury. Bobby (Wily)Today at 9:05 PM That's good. Because picking them up is too much work. He's just gonna crawl, and pick up the snacks with his teeth. Cut out the middle man that would be picking them up Dirt never hurt anyone. It's seasoning Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:05 PM Tarantulas is amusingly inclined to agree... Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:06 PM ....he's not great with physical contact that doesn't involve violence. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:09 PM No hugging the Soundwave[CC] at all. He can follow him to the couch where Smokescreen was. Going to hug him from behind, yes? Assuming he doesn't knock anyone out of the way. Bobby (Wily)Today at 9:09 PM As fun as it is playing the role of vacuum cleaner it's tiring work. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:09 PM ... Oh. Oh. That's what  she meant by cork. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:09 PM Swoop doesn't know what a roomba is, but he manages to be entertained nonetheless. He's got nothing but grins for Bobby..... but Tarantulas in his peripheral vision  sparks a thought that has Swoop slipping off the arm of the couch onto the cushions. He wedges himself against Tarantulas, staring up at him. "Spiderbot!" jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:09 PM She got her man/cat Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:10 PM ((Jesus Christ. What does she want him to do? Break all their tiny fingers and toes first?)) Bobby (Wily)Today at 9:10 PM He eventually slows, swaying in place , before gently he lays his face against the ground. And falls asleep. With a cookie in his mouth. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:10 PM Tarantulas seems distracted, but he kinda-sorta makes space for the pteronerd. "Yyyeeessss?" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:11 PM This couch is getting crowded. Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:11 PM Smokescreen may wince as he is hugged from behind, but manages a smile, leaning against Primus. His back does seem unusually flat, but that probably makes it a bit easier to hug, "Primus! Uh- hey, sir! I made some cookies with your fruits!" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:11 PM It's a good thing Soundwave is so thin, he supposes. Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:11 PM I'll stay off the couch Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:11 PM Swoop hasn't needed space a day in his live. He'll plaster himself against Tarantulas no matter the bizarre angle it takes. "You like Us more little?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:11 PM Shsh, Swoop's a scrawny beanpole too - see? Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:11 PM Yeah, he's tailed after Primus. And he caught that wince, Smokescreen. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:12 PM Sure, but his attitude takes up enough space for five couches. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:12 PM Tarantulas does a double-take at that one. "What kind of a question is that? You're - you're just different that way. This way. Whatever way." Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:12 PM Smokescreen, his worry is now transferred onto you. "What happened?" Let him worry. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:13 PM (( auto-homicide 3 omg. well... jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:13 PM ((Oh god)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:14 PM ((me trying to drive and not break my massive cosplay sword)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:14 PM Wait, wait, frag. He wasn't expecting this! "Oh, you know, weird magic happens, sometimes, you meet a bot and they turn out to be pretty weird- it's all good! It'll be fine. How're you, Primus?" Smokescreen's turning around, trying to return the hug to Primus. SpecsToday at 9:15 PM ((gotta go to bed early. night guys!)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:15 PM ((Aww, nini!)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:15 PM ((night)) Bobby (Wily)Today at 9:15 PM (samesies. Night!)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:15 PM Swoop rests his chin against Tarantulas' shoulder and keeps staring him down. "Yah. But. You Spiderbot like small stuff." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:16 PM ((night! rest well)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:16 PM Prowl's been barely paying attention to the movie. But he huffs at the truck flying into the house. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:16 PM ((Bobby passed out face down in the middle of Dancitron's floor is so precious)) Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:16 PM "Smokescreen..." Nope. Worry mode activated. Primus nuzzled him. "You know you can't lie to me." jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:16 PM "After you cut it down?" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:17 PM Oh, frag. Smokescreen's nuzzling back, petting Primus' helm, "They, uh, got removed forcibly. That's the truth, really!" It's technically not a lie, just an ommission of detail! "Oh, soda's red energon?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:18 PM "I do like small things, but - your behavior is different then as well, you know." Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:18 PM "Smokescreen!" Cue more than unhappy, and a bit higher than neccessary, tone. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:18 PM "No?" Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:19 PM "Well, for one, you talk much less." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:20 PM Swoop grins and blows raspberries at Tarantulas. Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:20 PM (( she looks like an old tattered barbie Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:20 PM ((i was just thinking that)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:20 PM "she's snapped" Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:20 PM ((Cynthia)) Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:20 PM ((yes)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:20 PM ((are homeowners associations actually real things?)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:20 PM ((yes, and they are roughly this awful)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:21 PM "Primus- Primus, please, it's okay, it's okay! I've been at the med-bay! I'll get better. Eventually, really. It doesn't even hurt as much now!" Smokescreen's trying to pet Primus, trying to get him to calm down. "You don't gotta draw attention to it, you know." Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:21 PM ((Australia doesn't really have them so it sounds so weird to me)) Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:21 PM Nudges Primus as well. Tone it down, he's wearing a cape to hide the missing wings for a reason. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:21 PM ((people basically pay a neighborhood-run group for the privilege of being told what they can't do on their own property on pain of being fined hugely)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:22 PM ((i've heard some horror stories that match this lady)) ((my childhood neighborhood either didn't have one, or it was a chill one)) Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:22 PM ((it's why I didn't move into this one neighborhood. The people running it were bat-shit insane)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:23 PM ((that whole thing of hers about measuring the lawn is not at all an exaggeration. OR the worst thing i ever heard about)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:23 PM "Oh. Wow. Now I really wish he was one of my ops." Hammy has been unofficially adopted. Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:23 PM //my question is how they even have the authority to fine neighbors lmao Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:23 PM ((you agree to it via contract)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:23 PM ((Is it something all neighborhoods have or just newer ones?  Here it's just for apartment complexes so I don't know if it even counts)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:23 PM //why anyone would agree is the realy mystery tbh Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:23 PM Pardon him for being a bit, well, over worried. And having an overreaction to the whole thing. Primus lowered to sink on the couch with the reassuring pets and words. He's very unhappy about this, Smokescreen. Can you blame him? "Smokescreen... That is still serious. At least let me do something to help?" Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:24 PM //i don't think me and my friends have any intention of joining a hoa if we ever manage to get a house together Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:24 PM ((it's basically in rich people neighborhoods that wring their hands over keeping high property value and select people around, and in neighborhoods that dream of one day being such)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:24 PM //bc we're all planning a garden at the v least and i know we won't let someone tell us what we can or can not plant in a garden Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:24 PM ((they've been around a long time.)) Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:25 PM ((seems really inconvenient)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:25 PM ((so that it turns into such absurdity is not at all surprising to me, given the kind of people involved)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:25 PM "Well, uh- can you keep it down? And maybe, uh, take me home later? I kinda, uh, snuck out and don't wanna get in too much trouble." Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:26 PM Swoop scrunches up his nose, but still wears a grin. "You Spiderbot don't like talking Swoop?" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:26 PM ((Is it a gated community thing?  I've heard of those, never been to one though)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:26 PM //i live in city owned housing right now and we have actual restrictions on what we can do on our porches even like. we're nto allowed to put plants up on the wide railing of our balcony, or hang things from the railings Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:26 PM ((i'm sure gated communities do have them, but no)) ((any neighborhood that feels like it can go off and make one)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:26 PM //what gets wild is when a hoa tries to bully you into signing the contract even if you don't want to ghjnh i've heard stories about that Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:26 PM ((I am so glad Australia doesn't have those it sounds ridiculous)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:27 PM //where like someone doesn't join the hoa and they get people bullying them over it, or even trying to fine them despite not being part of it Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:27 PM ((wait they'll try to make you sign the contract?? i guess that's how they get people but like... why would someone join them i dont understand Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:27 PM ((THE STORY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO BROKE INTO THE GARAGE TO INSPECT IT)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:27 PM //GOD Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:27 PM ((Why would you agree to be in it if you didn't have to though? Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:27 PM "That's not what I said! You're perfectly acceptable any which way. You're trying to push me into playing favorites between YOURSELF, and that's not going to work, tsk." Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:27 PM ((i actually think the neighborhood i grew up in DID have one, now that i think of it? our mailbox got knocked down by a drunk driver and the parents had to negotiate with the HOA about what kind of bricks they could use to build a new one, because they couldn't find ones that exactly matched the house's bricks)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:27 PM //i mean some might not but like. i've definitely heard horror stories about the HOA basically threatening/bullying neighbors to joining after moving into the neighborhood Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:28 PM ((but that's all i ever heard about them, so our neighborhood's must be lowkey compared to the horror stories)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:28 PM ((some places you can't move into if you don't agree to sign and some people do it because they get into the idea of everything being pristine and not at all lived in looking)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:28 PM "Favorite Swoop? Kehehehehh!" Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:28 PM ((What are the benefits of belonging to one, other than living in a rich, exclusive suburb? Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:28 PM ((the thing is the ones that ARE horrors are gonna be the ones that everyone hears about, because why would people share funny/exciting stories on the internet about a lowkey HOA that's never gone mad with power)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:28 PM (( https://youtu.be/GBwELzvnrQg Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:28 PM ((that's it. that's the "benefit".)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:29 PM (( the suburban mom gayle vid ^^^ Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:29 PM Sighs heavily. Leans his helm against Smokescreen's. "Of course. That'll be very easy to do." Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:29 PM ((ah, I see now Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:29 PM "Thank you, Primus- and you can keep holding me like this, right? This is- this is nice." Even if it hurts just a little! Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:29 PM //what's wild to me is the idea that you "Can't" move into a neighborhood if you refuse to sign the contract and join like. do they actually have power to tell you that you can't buy a property if you don't join //or is it just that bad peer pressure Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:30 PM ((in some places, yeah. i forget how tho)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:30 PM "You Spiderbot LIKE Me Swoop?" : > Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:30 PM "Yeah. I kind of need this too." Let him at least soothe the pain away? Starscream (TBDL)Today at 9:30 PM ((night everyone thanks for the stream)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:30 PM ((night!)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:31 PM ((good night)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:32 PM "I'd be a fool to answer such a leading question." Tarantulas looks about ready to push Swoop off the couch. "...Define LIKE." Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:32 PM (("The major power of the HOA is the ability to compel property owners to pay a share of common expenses for the overall maintenance of the HOA and the amenities, usually proportionate to the ownership interests (either by unit or based on square footage). These expenses generally arise from the operation and maintenance of common property, which vary dramatically depending on the type of association. An HOA may have, in addition to a regular assessment, a "special" assessment for unexpected expenses (such as for road maintenance).")) (("Benefits to homeowners may include maintenance and management services, provision of recreational amenities such as pools and parks, insurance coverage, enforcement of community appearance standards which may lead to higher property values, and the opportunity for members to plan development in accordance with community values.")) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:33 PM Swoop's face is about ready to split in half from the grin on it. "Like means LIKE! Duh!" Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:33 PM "Good, good! And, uh- maybe a couple treats would be good? I'll be fine, though, I'll be fine." Primus' care is helping, really! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:33 PM Soundwave now gets that cookie and begins putting things away with unusually sized bridges. While not having moved. Because that's his way. Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:33 PM //lowkey hoas are probably Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:33 PM ((that's why people sign into HOAs for reasons other than assumed snobbery. it's basically super-localized taxes for neighborhood upkeep--since the dude down the street from you is more likely to take action on fixing a pothole in the street than a government official who lives half the town away and has 500 other potholes to address.)) Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:33 PM "Heh, sure." Nuzzles. Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:33 PM //better. wow thanks discord Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:35 PM "Hff. That's redundant and uninformative." Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:35 PM //yeah it's the. when they go Mad With Power and try to force specific appearances on property they don't even own that's wild to me mostly from the stories i hear bc like. standards of appearance is one thing, i get wanting things to at least be eat, but to go "ah yes your grass is .5 inches too long and your bricks are the wrong shadeof red" is when i'd be like "bye" Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:35 PM ((HOAs are usually registered as nonprofits; i've also read about trailer park HOAs being formed so that the trailer residents can buy the property from the landowner they've been paying rent to, and get to cooperatively own their own neighborhood and directly do maintenance or pay for its upkeep, rather than paying rent to a landowner they need to submit maintenance requests to)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:35 PM ((tbh i'd rather have a pothole and the right to plant anything i want and paint my house any color i like but i suppose i can see how lowkey ones might be useful)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:35 PM "YAh! Keheheh." Swoop leans against Tarantulas' shoulder so he's got his cheek pressed into the fuzz as the waits impatiently for his answer. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:36 PM ((those are the out-of-control HOAs)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:36 PM ((I like quirky houses, which is why I'll never join an HOA. Or live in a suburb.)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:36 PM ((it is possible to have an HOA whose primary purpose is not to determine paint colors)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:36 PM So long as Swoop doesn't press the subject further, Tarantulas takes that as a sign that the conversation's over. He's dodged it! Awesome. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:36 PM ((gotcha)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:36 PM //yeah lmfao Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:36 PM Time to busy himself snuggling with Prowl on the other side instead. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:36 PM ((I have no particular desire to own a home but, if I went all in on a purchase that big, Jesus himself couldn't roll up to my pad and tell me what to do with it.)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:36 PM //i'd be willing to join a lowkey normal person hoa but not one of the out of control ones Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:37 PM ((but like, again, the normal ones aren't the ones that get fantastic stories about them shared on the internet)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:37 PM //ya Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:37 PM [Plenty of reddit stories about the crazy ass HOAs] Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:38 PM ((i feel like the thing to do would be to delay on joining for like three months and just do all kinds of things and see how they react. if they're chill, join, and if they're not, maybe consider an electric fence to keep them out of your lawn)) jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:38 PM ((lowkey is fine, but I like hanging plants and shaded gardens. It wouldn't blend in with their idea of a proper suburb)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:38 PM ((you're allowed to read their rules before joining. i'd say just, read the rules and see if they're reasonable.)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:38 PM //i know me and my friend hav sometimes joked about buying land in the middle of some woods and building a house there just to avoid crazy hoas but Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:38 PM ((you gotta know how they enforce them too though)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:38 PM Tarantulas is new to this game apparently. Swoop pulls one leg up so he can put his foot on the arm of the couch to get some leverage to push against Tarantulas in a more forceful lean. Not super hard (yet), but certainly noticable. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:38 PM ((like they've got state-level laws governing HOAs and everything)) Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:39 PM ((now that i did not know)) Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:39 PM //you could probably also ask neighbors for opinions on them too if you wanna know how they respond to stuff Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:40 PM ((yeah, they're Actual Legal Entities. which is how they can levy fines in the first place. signing on to an HOA is a legally-binding contract in most states. it ain't just a club somebody made up and asked for fees for. for that reason if an HOA steps out of line it's a matter that can be taken up in court.)) Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:41 PM [When a movie starts a long OOC discussion about HOAs. Movie night never ceases to amuse me.] jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:42 PM ((They can't evict you if you refuse to join though, right?)) Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:42 PM ((at work--my job is taking new company/corporation formations back and forth between lawyers and the secretary of state office--we form a lot of HOAs. i can't tell you what any of the ones we form are like, because formations only contain lists of the founding members, not the internal by-laws that govern that company; but we do form a lot.)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:43 PM Nnnnnaaaah, Tarantulas isn't new to the game. He's just playing it on his own terms and ignoring Swoop for now. A bit more affection for Prowl - and a little for Soundwave - and Tarantulas is bidding them adieu for now. See? No need to even PLAY the game if he's LEAVING, Swoop. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:43 PM Soundwave returns it with a quick squeeze as Tarantulas gets going. Might be the last time he can do that for a whlie, and all. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:43 PM ((it'd depend on the specifics? like, if the HOA actually OWNS the property of the neighborhood, then "agreeing to join" would probably be a term of buying property in the first place. just like if you try to move into an apartment and refuse to obey the apartment's rules you can get kicked out. but in most cases--if YOU own the house--no.)) ((but that might vary from state to state)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:44 PM Smokescreen gives Primus' arm a tug, leaning against him. He probably should get back before someone notices he's not in the medbay like he's supposed to. He doesn't even want to think about the look Megatron would give him! Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:44 PM Swoop gets his long birdy fingers wrapped around one spidery leg. He's not going to chase Tarantulas, but he isn't going to make this easy either. jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:44 PM Jazz waves to everyone on his way out Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:45 PM Prowl gives Tarantulas one last light squeeze, and lets him go. Farewell, spide. ((flskjflkgj i wrote the entire wrong character name YOU SAW NOTHING)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:45 PM (( ::::3c Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:45 PM Soundwave nods quietly to those leaving. Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:45 PM //im laughing bc i read it when you said soundwave and saw literally nothing wrong with it mentally Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:46 PM ((PFFT)) Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:46 PM Plot Twist: Tarantulas can mass-shift, and there's nothing Swoop's grip can do about it! Watch Tarantulas escape from his problems with practiced finesse. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:46 PM Scoops Smokescreen up gently. Going to soothe the pain anyway as he did so. He'll drop you off safely, but he'll be coming back here. Afterwards he'll join you for snuggles and snacks? Tarantulas (aranea-mechanica)Today at 9:46 PM (( night y'all :heartpulse: jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:47 PM ((so did I, 'cept I spaced out what I read when my brain autocorrected)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:47 PM !!! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:47 PM ((night!)) Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:47 PM Swoop blinks at the not-spide space in front of himself..... and then blows some farewell raspberries at this loser. jazz(unkillablejazz)Today at 9:47 PM ((wrong. punctuation)) Smokescreen (ask-smokescreen)Today at 9:48 PM Snuggles and snacks sound good. He's going to ping Soundwave and Tarantulas goodbye! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:48 PM Ping. Goodnight, Smokescreen. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:48 PM Whelp! That accomplished, Swoop slides off the couch and bounces to his feet. Clearly he is done here and isn't forgetting anything(one) on the floor. Swerve(metallcrgy)Today at 9:48 PM //a nyway, night lmao Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:49 PM Soundwave[Slendy], he will be back. There is something he feels he must ask. Nuzzles Smokescreen and warps out with him so he'd get home without fuss. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:51 PM THANKFULLY for everyone that Sunstreaker would murder if Bob didn't show back up, Swoop just about eats it when, at the last possible second, his body course corrects to not step on a certain passed out buggy. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:52 PM It's all right, Sunstreaker. Soundwave would have murdered Swoop for stepping on Bob too. Swoop (medicalmurdersaurus)Today at 9:52 PM This bird of prey turns a disastrous fall into a pretty sick roll, scooping up Bobby and bounding away. Later nerds! Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:53 PM Impressive. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:55 PM After dropping off Smokescreen, with a new blanket and snacks, he was back. Primus glanced at those who remained. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:55 PM Still here. He still kinda needs to try and keep you out of trouble. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:56 PM ... The crowd's getting unnervingly thin. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 9:56 PM Are they alone now? Soundwave's going to--no, no, it seems they're not. And he really doesn't want anyone else to hear. He'll have to wait a short moment. Not exactly patiently, as he's been sitting on this all night, but not as rude as he could be, given his present uncertainty.

[[...Yes?]] Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:57 PM "What did I do." A question that wasn't one. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:57 PM Prowl quietly hooks a hand around the crook of Soundwave's elbow. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:57 PM And he's hit with the strong need to put his palm to his face. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:58 PM No sense beating around the bush. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 9:59 PM He meant later, as in days. Not hours. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 9:59 PM Well, the bluntness kicked Prowl's nerves on high alert. And usually he appreciates bluntness. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 9:59 PM Too late. There was tension that he knew he caused. It'd eat at him since he only had hours to talk each week. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 10:00 PM [[...He doesn't know yet.]] Pause. The feeler that was on Prowl's lap now curls around his wrist, as Bob's gone. [[He has been thinking about what has been done and what the future might hold, and trying to determine their meaning. He had hoped to understand by now, but certain... things, have come up. Interrupted it.]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 10:01 PM "You don't have to know yet." And Prowl will not be happy if Primus starts trying to egg a firmer answer out of Soundwave. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 10:02 PM That's actually somewhat comforting. He's so used to feeling like he needs a correct answer to everything right away he sometimes forgets that it's okay to take his time finding it. Of course, it's possible none of that will matter by the end of tonight anyway. That depends on what happens when he tells Prowl what he has to tell Prowl. Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 10:11 PM "What th-..." Primus cut himself off hearing his own tone dip into areas he didn't like. Shutting his mouth, eyeing Prowl for a moment, then he returned his gaze to Soundwave. He stayed silent for a long minute while letting his feelings sort out before daring to utter another word.

"Soundwave... Whatever I did, or said last time, I'm sorry for it. I'll wait until I see you next time to ask. You know how to call me if you're ready before then." His voice was softer; genuinely apologetic. "I wont pry or ask what else is making you this way tonight. I respect you too much to do so. I do hope you'll be alright. " Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 10:15 PM He squinted at Primus from behind the visor at the opening response, Prowl's words blaring on repeat in his head. The expression faded partway after the next bit, but not entirely; he could not, at the moment, accurately tell what was honest and what might've been calculated to gain maximum approval. His head was full of other problems just then, and seeing through them was too hard.

So he nodded, pinging one thank-you, and bobbed his head at his alternate. It did put him more at ease seeing that one present tonight; he appreciated what they were probably doing. [[Next time.]] Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 10:19 PM Oh, good. That went...surprisingly well. All things considered. He did return the motions, as he knew his alternate was well aware he was not here for the movies. And, yes, he would be coming to the next one. But, for now, with the conversation as done as it was probably going to get, he put a servo on Primus' arm. "I think it's time we went home. Next week is not that far off." Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 10:26 PM There was one more question that Primus had in mind. With how curt Soundwave[Slendy] was with him, the answer felt obvious. It made him ache thinking about what that answer would mean from here on out. Mulling would do him no good. To try and distract himself, he nodded then shifted his attention to the other Soundwave[CC].

"No. Your home isn't mine." Cracks a sad smile. "Besides, I told Smokescreen I'd come back to keep him company. I could use his smiling quirky self right about now. I've got a few new recipes he might enjoy trying.

"Soundwave has Prowl, so he's in good hands." Attempting reassurance. Soundwave (corruptedcomms)Today at 10:31 PM "....very well. Good night." and he's going to make sure Primus leaves before he does. Just...just in case. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 10:35 PM Soundwave turns immediately to Prowl and bows his head just so. It's time for honesty.

[[He has a confession to make.]] Frown. [[Two confessions. He does not want to burden you with his guilt when you were not expecting it, but he does not know anyone else he can trust with this - or who is as knowledgeable as you.]] [[Are you willing to hear him? He will not force you to listen if you are not.]] Primus [the-lord-of-light]Today at 10:36 PM Don't worry everyone, Primus is leaving and is gone by the time the chat begins. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 10:37 PM Prowl leans in to bunt—and then immediately straightens up. Oh. This didn't sound like any conversation Prowl had been expecting to hear.

But even so— "Yes. Of course." He would hear anything Soundwave had to say. And he was more than accustomed to being a sinkhole to throw guilt into. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 10:45 PM [[He has once again failed in his duties as a carrier unit and endangered the life of a mech he should have done his best to protect. He let them languish in stasis lock for nearly seven years and - and treated them as...]] Oh, no. No, the formal sound is not holding out, here. This isn't how he wanted this to go, but it's too shameful to pretend he can treat this like a business activity of some kind. [[He kept them on his shelf, as if they were a regular cassette. He - he owned a mech, Prowl. For over half a decade. We used him as MUSIC, once. He isn't even one of ours; he -- looks like one of yours.]]

Soundwave laced his fingers together over the back of his neck and stared into his own knee.

[[He couldn't tell the hospital where they came from. He doesn't know what will happen if he does.]] His fingers clutch tighter. [[They wouldn't believe him. So many believe that we enslave our deployers as it is. If he said someone gave them to him as a present...]] [[He didn't know. On his spark, he didn't. Even Ravage thought it was a side effect of one of Primus' gifts.]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 10:56 PM That. Was WILDLY outside of what Prowl had been expecting. Spark-stoppingly vent-shudderingly outside of what Prowl had been expecting. His jaw was partially dropped as he tried to work out whether to start with "why did you" or "how dare you."

And then Soundwave said he hadn't known and Prowl's breath all came out in a relieved whoosh. "Oh. God." He sank forward, crest resting on Soundwave's shoulder. "Okay. Okay, all right, can we... Let's start that story from the beginning. Rather than from the worst details possible." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 11:06 PM Soundwave immediately rested his own crest on Prowl's shoulder in return. He gave the information in the order he thought of it because it'd been boiling up underneath everything all night; he'd not been able to think chronologically until he ripped it open wide enough to let some steam out.

[[Yes. Of course. From the beginning. The start--]]

[[The greyfaces used to bestow gift after gift on him and his. Some he understood; some he still doesn't. One gave him the cassette. He thought it was JUST a cassette, and chose to keep it. He didn't have many personal possessions at the time, and he doesn't know any Slugfests. He thought it was-- a band, or a description of the music. Not a PERSON.]]

[[They had no thoughts for him to read. There's a set of Primus-created colorful lights set into the wall in his berthroom; we thought the fragment of a signal we were catching was because of his spark and their source.]]

[[He only found out because he turned the lights off this week and-- and he was testing things in the shelf room. To see what they meant to him. Then he felt them.]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 11:16 PM Prowl nods slowly, rocking his head against Soundwave. "Okay. Okay, that's..."

Where to start? His processor is still reeling from seesawing between "Soundwave's been keeping a slave secret from you for years and this changes everything you know about him, recalculate every calculation you've ever made concerning him" and "never mind, false alarm, abort all those recalculations immediately."

He wraps his arms around Soundwave's waist.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Morally OR legally. You had no idea the cassette was a person—and as soon as you DID know, you took him to a hospital, correct?" He lifts his head. "And—I'm not sure about your universe's laws, but in mine, there are legal exceptions made for people who accidentally use another mech without consent if they didn't know what they were using was a mech. It's applied from time to time to mechs who buy secondhand dataslugs or scavenge guns from battlefields. Surely, there's something similar in your universe?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 11:28 PM He didn't mean to whip Prowl's head around a corner like that. It's just the order it stumbled out of his brain and into the open.

Soundwave scoots closer, automatically trusting the arms to protect him, just as they did last week.

[[He did, but he's not sure whether-- That is, he moved to where he would be his own law, but the hospital is in New Praxus, and he was living in another different timeline when we took in the cassette....]] He spent most of his life flouting the law, Prowl, not studying it to the degree you have. It gets tricky even before the multiverse comes into it. [[And the greyface gave them to him. That is a fourth location. And the laws have always been strange for us. Carriers could and often did terminate those who kidnapped their deployers. Legally.]] A little insight for Prowl, there. [[What if Slugfest is joined to someone? What if he is seen as an accomplice, or - or whatever receiving a potentially kidnapped mech makes him?]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 11:36 PM "Under my universe's laws, you wouldn't be. Other laws, I can't speak to. I'd have to look into local laws first, but—if it were up to me? You wouldn't be charged with anything. There's barely even grounds for an investigation."

Prowl sighed. "However, it can't be up to me. I'm not a neutral party. And, by extension, neither is my entire department. If I were to bring you back to Iacon and ask an officer to investigate the case in order to absolutely clear you of wrongdoing, I wouldn't be able to trust that the officer would remain objective, even under direct orders. There's a high probability they'd try to avoid displeasing their captain, even if only subconsciously. I—advise you to go to the authorities in your world and explain the situation. Preferably somewhere they won't want an excuse to arrest you just for being a former Decepticon officer." If Prowl weren't an enforcer, he wouldn't have to advise that. He could have just told Soundwave to keep it to himself, that Prowl knew he'd done nothing wrong and therefore Soundwave didn't need to invite trouble by trying to explain the story to someone who didn't know him as well and wouldn't be as sympathetic.

But Prowl WAS an enforcer. And consequently, he couldn't get anywhere near giving advice like that to his amica without it being egregious favoritism. The fact was, an enforcer now knew about this incident, and if he didn't act on it he'd be guilty of covering it up. This couldn't be left in Prowl's hands. Soundwave had to tell someone else. Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 11:44 PM Soundwave tenses. Somewhere they won't want an excuse to arrest him? Is Prowl kidding? If there was anything Soundwave could guarantee about the authorities in his world, it'd be that they'd just as soon throw him into a bottomless pit as arrest h--

...Wait. He knew at least ONE of them had been open to operating on reason before. This Prowl had convinced them to do it.

[[You mean your alternate.]] The frown on his face defied description. [[The one who is avoiding him after telling him--never mind what she said. It is unimportant.]]

It would be foolishness to seriously entertain the idea of death being preferable to talking to her. He came close to doing so anyway.

[[He wishes he had never accepted the damned gift.]] Just going to bury his face even harder into that shoulder, there. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 11:47 PM "I didn't mean my alternate. Isn't there a Decepticon outpost somewhere out there?" Prowl gestures in the direction he sort of things the Decepticons might be. It's the wrong direction. He doesn't know much about the Decepticons around here. "But if my alternate is the only one you can think of? Then fine."

Prowl leans the side of his head against Soundwave's. There, there. "You didn't know. And if you hadn't received him, there's a possibility that someone who WOULDN'T have cared might have." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 11:51 PM He shakes his head no, as much as anyone with their face  smashed up against someone else can do. [[They dislike him nearly as much as the Autobots. He was... particularly antagonistic toward Starscream, for a while. And he is a traitor.]]

[[Mm.]] He's not completely reassured by that statement, but hearing someone else note that it's obvious he cares makes him feel a LITTLE less monstrous. [[Perhaps...]]

Long, long vent. [[He will talk to her tomorrow. He will not tell her that you told him to go.]] It'd probably be bad if he did. Then she'd feel obligated toward a version of herself and he'd have to go find ANOTHER officer, at which point his doom would be all but sealed; he just knew it. And another vent--this time, the kind of quietly relieved sigh that came of having one's absolute worst fears thrown out on their ear. At least he didn't have to worry about Prowl running away from him for this mess. He could count on that much. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 11:56 PM Ah. Yeah. Right. That whole helped-kill-Megatron thing. The average Starscream, at least, might be willing to forgive Soundwave that detail, but if Soundwave wasn't on his good side...

"Leaving me out of it is probably wise." Prowl turned to kiss the side of Soundwave's head. That was a lot of sighing. "How is... he?" What was his name. "Slugcon?" Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 12:01 AM Sighs were bits of pressure escaping in convenient air form, and Primus knows he'd been under quite a bit of it since he found the minicon hiding on his shelf like that.

He shifted to return the kiss, thankful for the reassuring contact and comfort, and tried not to be overly amazed. If he'd told himself five years ago that he'd be seeking protection in a Prowl's arms, he'd have chalked it up to a memory and personality wipe.

[[Slugfest. He's still in stasis, but they have refueled him and stabilized his spark, and are working on repairing his frame. They do not wish him to wake and transform until they know it is safe.]] Pause. [[They were also somewhat reluctant after reading his Autopedia file. The later the better.]]

[[...Did you want Slugfest to know you asked?]] Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 12:04 AM Fest, Con, they were close enough.

So he was recovering so far. That was good to hear. Mainly for the sake of the injured, of course—but, no small part of Prowl's relief came from knowing how much it would weigh on Soundwave if Slugfest DIDN'T recover.

"No. I've never met a Slugfest. There's no need for him to hear upon waking up from over half a decade of stasis that the captain of the local police was asking after him." Soundwave (Slenderwave)Today at 12:06 AM He hadn't THOUGHT Prowl would want that--Slugfest was a Decepticon, after all--but he'd promised to stop acting on assumption.

[[As you wish.]]

He shifted around until he was settled back against Prowl's chest and closed his optics. It would be for a moment and no longer. He just needed to take a second to calm down and process everything.

[[Thank you.]]

Instead, he ended up falling asleep. Prowl (verdigrisprowl)Today at 12:07 AM "Of course."

Prowl stayed and held Soundwave long after he fell asleep; and then, gradually, drifted off himself as well.

[ask-shakespearehigh]

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

[hannahvsana]

An unnecessarily long post of self reflection which was meant to be a short update but got deep

It's one of those days where I just feel shitty. I think getting my period has triggered it, not only the hormonal part but mentally- I've never openly talked about it before but getting my period always makes me feel like I'm "not good enough" from an ED perspective. The voice in my head tells me I'm doing something wrong, but that's crazy right? I'm doing something wrong because my body is still functioning? I wonder if many people feel the same way. It is 3 weeks late which is concerning, but at least it means my bones are okay.

I'm also struggling a lot with food at the moment, I was before anyway, but I'm becoming really fearful again of any food, I'm at the point again where nothing is safe. I felt this way this time last year; food became numbers, numbers became less and less, until no number is good enough, it's all too much. The last few days I've spent in my room because I'm terrified of being in the kitchen alone at the thought that I might "lose control." I can't stand having food in front of me that I might pick at (other than actual meals), so I have to move it otherwise I get really stressed out. The other night I went out and I couldn't explain exactly what I was feeling (I think EUPD kicked in a bit then too), but in hindsight the fact that I was thinking about food and considering ordering some made me feel so disgusted with myself. Yet everything I think about comes back to food. My entire day surrounds when I'm going to have to eat, even now I'm thinking about the soup I have in the fridge which would be the only option that'd not cause significant awful thoughts at dinner. If I'm out with friends I think about when they might eat, and whether or not I can allow myself to have some of theirs, getting honestly so giddy and excited about the thought of having something "forbidden", only to be hit by a feeling of guilt and disgust for considering it. I get so excited when Sam says they want to order something because it gives me something to think about and almost obsess over, and sometimes I have a hint of freedom and have some, but when I'm in bed trying to sleep I think about it more and how I was "weak"

In bed, I think bad things about myself and it's my thoughts (not hearing voices or anything like that) but there's so many thoughts over lapping each eachother. It's so confusing when I'm trying to explain what my mind is saying because it's literally a cacophony of words. It's as if there's people in my head but they're all me, just different versions and they're all really mean. And the weirdest part is, it's all in third person. "You messed up" "you aren't good enough", and the other night, which I don't think was food related, was "you are unnecessary" on repeat. I don't know what that one means, but that word was going round and round my head until I fell asleep.

Sometimes I feel so excessive, not in a dramatic way as such, but just like I'm too much. I say too much, I do too much, I'm scared I say things that others may perceive me as being dramatic. I'm scared that I talk too much about myself, in general and about my mind, especially when it comes to my moods because I haven't yet found the right words to explain them and I feel stupid because what I feel isn't always on surface level so it seems like I'm making things up. Am I making things up? I feel like a really bad person sometimes. I do really want to shrink into a little ball, be quiet and docile, keep things too myself. If I did that then surely I couldn't be too much?

I rely a lot on what other people think of me, so the last point is very important. If something thinks I'm dramatic, overly invested in myself etc, then surely it had to be true because I don't have a real perception of who I am or what I'm like. On a base level I think I'm decent, my honest lack of self awareness or self worth allows me to invest in others and I honestly enjoy doing so, I feel genuine happiness when something I do makes someone happy. Not in a 'martyr' way, I don't place myself on any pedestal at all, but when people around me are happy or even just smile, it makes me happy because I have so much love for my friends and family that their happiness makes me feel happy. And sometimes I feel like my worth is based on how I make others feel. Thinking about that, one of my biggest worries is that I make people close to me feel bad, that I might do something that hurts them and a bigger worry is not knowing I've done so. If I were to do that, and sometimes I think I do, I feel worthless and that I'd be better off leaving or again, shrinking into nothingness so I can't do it again.

I also think my sense of self may be warped because every time I've had a bump in the road or very big dip in recovery, it's as if I become a new person. When I first got ill i strived to be, and became, more socialable, likeable, clever, etc. I enjoyed that, it was a new me and I worried about losing that if I stopped my 'thing' and that I'd lose everyone along side myself. So when I relapsed the first time I guess I almost want the new me back, but a levels were harder than GCSE, so I went the extra mile to try harder to become the "better me". Then when I went too far and was sent to stay with my cousin, I discovered that I could change again, maybe discover a newer new me if I became fit and healthy, maybe then I'd be likeable and clever and maybe care about myself. And for those two weeks I did, my mum said she didn't recognise the girl she sent away 2 weeks prior. In family therapy both parents remarked on their "new Han" (actual words). But when my psychiatrist stopped me and put me under home monitoring, the new me was stumped out before I had a chance to properly reinvent myself for the 3rd time. That was when I became properly suicidal and didn't care for the outcome, I didn't see any means of another reinvention. Which leads me on to this year- what went wrong? Why had this happened again. I know the initial trigger was seeing my weight in April, and it being my highest ever. But every other time I've gotten bad, there's always been a deeper reason. I don't feel new, I just feel like a nuisance, another issue my family and friends have to cope with for the 4th time in 4 years. Unnecessary. Perhaps it was because I wanted to be like 14 year old me, successful in my studies and likeable. I lost most of my friends last year, not necesarily close friends just those who spoke to me once but stopped, and even my best friend who I honestly loved. Why did they go? What did I do? Maybe that was part of the cause of this mess? Reading my diary from the start of this year I talk a lot about losing people I love so I guess so. But at least I'm planning my hopefully last and best ever and healthiest ever reinvention at uni. I don't want to do this again. I didn't mean to let myself get to this point but I'm scared of losing everything if it happens again. I'll do everything to stop this happening again.

I don't think I'm in a very good place right now. Another thought I've been having is along the lines of that my body is a canvas, I've always used it as a means of showing how I feel- ever since I was little I was expressive with my body language and tone of voice, to discovering self harm at age 13-14 as a means of seeing the bad things I felt on my skin for myself, up to trying to make myself "new" when my disorder took hold. But I've never been good with words. I can write, so if I have something important to say I'll write it, but in person I'm not good at talking, especially if it's on the spot advice. At this period of time, my mind is frustrated because I've been trying to use my words to say that I don't feel good, I don't want anyone to help as such, I just want to talk about it sometimes. But my body-canvas doesn't show that I feel poorly, I don't think I look how I feel; I feel as if my words are redundant. I'm trying not to mark my skin with lines for every bad thought I have in the moment, though it's getting harder to resist because my canvas isn't presenting the bad things im feeling and doing. Going back to where I started, getting my period today almost topped that feeling off. Inside I hurt, my body hurts, it's getting hard to climb up stairs without feeling a little dizzy at the top, standing up often makes me go blind for 5 seconds and my legs are bruising. But my body is showing physical signs that I'm fine. It has a cycle, I have the curves I've been cursed with had since I was 10 years old, I can smile.

I know this isn't recovery, not even a half-recovery, but despite this can it be called a relapse if I still care about the end outcome? I disregard this body as something to care for, for me it's a means of expression, that much is true, but I still want to start university next month and start my 4-5th and final recovery. I want to reinvent my body, make it grow strong and physical well, to show the start of my new life. An expression of 'the new me'. Maybe when that happens I'll begin to reclaim the body I'm in. I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm just writing how I feel. This is cathartic, many of the things I'm writing about are things I've never said or even written, or coherently thought about.

This post includes so many words I wish I could say out loud and finally I've been able to write it down. Nothing will come of it and I highly doubt anyone will read this all, it's unimportant, but for me my head is a bit quieter. Often, I sit in silence trying to put words in my mind together like a jigsaw puzzle. Unecessary. Periods. Dizzy. Scared. Excited. Unecessary. New. Shrinking. Unecessary. Canvas. Unwell. So yeah, this is a compilation, not a coherent one, of the things I've been thinking recently and that have been hurting me. Again there's nothing that can be done about it all, but it feels good to finish one jigsaw

[meggannn]

LOL YOUR ROOMMATE?? I can't stop laughing omg

god did i ever share the full story of what happened with my housemate last year? i think i bitched about her a little bit but here’s the full write-up of my six months with that housemate. unedited and probably full of errors and discrepancies sorry cause im going off entirely from memory

i’ve now moved out of this apartment, but i was there for a year with three other girls. two of them i got along with fine, and we introduced ourselves to each other before we moved in because that’s common courtesy to see if we get along right? but basically before any of us could talk or interview candidates for the last spot in the apartment, this girl, i’m making up a name and calling her emily, this random girl named emily basically came in and signed on for the spot on the lease without talking to any of us. uh, okay? so we eventually all get in a group chat and talk and introduce ourselves and plan to move in. day one:  emily moved in before me and i moved in a few hours later. i walk in and see the kitchen and she’s already covered the fridge with magnets and pictures and paper clippings featuring…. herself. like, a few of them had her friends, but most of the pictures were of her. basically. am i crazy or is that fucking weird? so from the get-go she just seemed……. if not privileged (which i also knew she was later), then definitely some sort of weird type of entitled but i couldn’t tell if it was maybe just cultural differences? (she was russian but had grown up in the states. idk)

anyway. she had this boyfriend who would come over occasionally, it was no problem since we didn’t talk and just waved hi to each other occasionally. but from the first week she and another housemate who lived on the far end of the apartment were both having trouble sleeping because someone else on the floor was blaring their tv loudly all hours of the night in the room next door. after several weeks of not being able to sleep through the night, they’d pretty much had enough and managed to track down whose apartment it was, and it turned out to be this elderly black woman’s apartment. i don’t really know if the woman understood why they were so upset because i think she might have been going slightly senile as well, so i think maybe the tv, or the volume, was something she wasn’t entirely aware she was doing? but the other housemate, i’ll call her veronica (who is more chill but was still upset) understood that this was probably not a fight they wanted to pick. veronica noticed that the elderly woman had a middle-aged male visitor, who looked like family, come visit the woman a few times a week and take care of her/take out the trash etc, so veronica decided to wait until she saw the visitor again to talk to him about lowering the volume or turning the tv off, or maybe getting his relative headphones or something. but emily, like….. kept pushing it every single night. every single night for the first month or so she’d stomp across the floor and rap on the door loud enough to wake up the entire floor (the walls were thin and it wasn’t a big building). and most of the time the woman didn’t respond, but there was one notable time someone else got fed up enough to wake up at 2am and yell at emily (deservedly so) for waking up the whole hall. all of which i heard very clearly because my room was next to the main door to out apt.

things escalated when i overheard emily talking to her friend on the phone about the situation and then she mentioned that in retaliation, she went over in the middle of the night and put vaseline on the woman’s door handle. i was kind of stunned and disgusted that a grown ass adult (she’s at least a few years older than me, i’d guess late 20′s/early 30′s?) would do something like that???? but anyway a few nights later iirc, once again in the middle of the night, i was woken up by a shouting match down the hall because apparently the male relative had come back to check in on who he said was his mother, and HE WAS PISSED, UNDERSTANDABLY SO, AT FINDING MY ROOMMATE IN THE MIDDLE OF PUTTING VASELINE ON THE FLOOR CREVICE UNDER THE DOOR. LIKE. THAT’S NOT JUST PETTY BUT REAL FUCKING DANGEROUS TO DO TO AN ELDERLY WOMAN. he basically shouted at her and she kept talking about how she can’t sleep for months because of the noise, and whatever, but she stomped back to our apartment and they had this argument loudly at the door (remember, my room was right next to the front door). i listened to it for a couple minutes wondering if she would like, acknowledge what she did was wrong? and it became clear that she was so focused on the noise she wasn’t listening to this dude, so i came out and i tried to be a voice of reason. the guy was understandably really pissed that she would do something like that and i apologized for her and said she was wrong to do that (she had stomped off back to her room meanwhile) and he seemed grateful to talk to someone who wasn’t batshit crazy in the meantime so he mentioned that he had grown up in this building all his life before moving out so it hurt to see someone treat his mother this way who had lived here for 50 years or something. and after that i was just thinking like, jesus, this is so not the kind of fight you want to have with a family like this as a white woman in a gentrified apartment complex. like at some point you need to realize this is not your fucking place and if you must settle things, do it civilly or just dip out entirely.

i think emily eventually apologized and he accepted and they found out that the tv wasn’t even coming from the woman’s room at all, but from someone on the floor above who THEY also had had problems with for months.

veronica was away on a trip i think during this climax, but before, while it was still escalating, i was talking with veronica and veronica mentioned she and emily had bitched about the noise to each other often, but veronica said she drew the line when emily basically started making her complaints race-themed ever since she found out the elderly woman was black. etc the complaints turned from “it’s too loud” to “this neighborhood is so ghetto” and “that’s what black ppl are like” and stuff like that. veronica wasn’t cool with that, so she planned on handling any other complaints herself directly so she could resolve things like a normal person, but ever since veronica mentioned that i knew emily was a pos

emily also complained about people partying/drinking on the street outside till ~11pm, which imo isn’t too unreasonable, like normal people do, and basically being too loud or whatever. on some level i get it cause she had to go to sleep early to go to work early, but also at some point i was just wondering how she functioned as a human being in the real world

ANYWAY THE STORY I TELL AT PARTIES IS THIS ONE, THE ONE IN WHICH SHE LEAVES (i will try to keep this as short as possible while still giving you all the details you need to understand just how fucking weird it was):

in early november, emily group messaged everyone asking if her boyfriend could come live with us. to her credit she said she wouldn’t do it unless everyone was ok, and she waited to hear back from all of us. i was out of town at the time but i remember being really put off by this idea and i was going to say no, when i noticed that my two other housemates had ALREADY said yes in the chat. just like that. i was stunned. what? like, no follow-up questions or “we dont even really know him” or “how is this gonna work”? were they fucking insane?

i messaged her privately saying i really wasn’t comfortable with it, for xyz reasons. among those being 1) rent, because nowhere did she offer to split the rent five ways instead of four (they were basically going to split her room between them, which, no). 2) fridge/living space, which was small enough with four people to one apartment as it is, and 3) just overall “i dont fucking know him” atmosphere. she messaged back saying she understood, and i got to asking why this was so important to her to do now, because she mentioned she wanted to do it “asap” if we’d said yes.

and this is where my “no” turned into “hell fucking no.” she told me this:

in response to my question of if she’d want to put him on the lease, she said no, she wouldn’t want her boyfriend on the lease in case “something happens so she could just tell him to leave” (raising my question: what, exactly, do you expect to happen? maybe the landlord, who lives in the building, finding out someone’s living here illegally? bc THAT WOULD DO IT FOR ME)

she was marrying him in december which is why she wanted it to happen “soon” so they wouldnt be living apart. i asked why she couldnt just wait until the lease was up to do all this, to which she said:

her boyfriend’s green card (he was russian) had expired so he was now paying month to month and that’s when i realized, oh. bitch he’s using you for a green card marriage and you’re trying to inconvenience all of us instead of owning your life like an adult, or something

at some point during the conversation she like tried to bribe me with a couple hundred extra dollars per month “to cover the cost of the extra utlities/wifi/inconvenience,” which i politely declined. this was when i said basically “look i never got the sense you particularly liked living here (massive understatement) and i think that it’d work out best if you moved out, which you’re clearly already planning to do”

and she did start looking immediately. at some point while she was looking i overheard her talking to veronica mentioning that he was a huge fan of putin and she’d asked him to like, politely, stop?, lmao because she didn’t like his entire yknow politics, and he basically said “i’m sorry, i can’t betray my personal/national identity, i just really believe in putin” or whatever the fuck and i thought to myself, this bitch is marrying him anyway for some godforsaken reason

i don’t know why i hoped that she would be any more considerate moving out than when she moved in, but somehow i was still surprised when the sublet she picked out was someone she never introduced us to or mentioned before, she literally just said “hey here’s your new housemate and when she’s moving in” and dropped us a phone number and facebook page.

one last thing: while emily was moving out, veronica mentioned to me that she was really pleased i stood up to her because she felt massively uncomfortable with the situation too. i asked why she didn’t say something, and she said she talked to emily privately airing out her problems, and emily had managed to talk her into accepting that sort-of bribe privately off message, and emily told her ‘just say yes’ in the chat, so she did and was kind of kicking herself for it after. (our other housemate was off doing fuck knows what at this point; she was gone for weeks on end leaving us to take care of her guinea pigs for her with little to no warning.)

but then, veronica says, the big thing that astounds her is that this wasn’t even the same boyfriend who she’d had when she’d moved in. six months had passed by this point. SHE HAD BEEN DATING GREEN CARD GUY FOR LIKE, THREE MONTHS WHEN SHE DROPPED THIS ON US

and then she moved to fucking harlem, one of the yknow most diverse neighborhoods in the city known particularly for its black heritage, so i guess have fun honey

(her replacement somehow turned out to be just as bad as she was, so you can imagine why i was eager for my lease to end in may)

[goodguidanceptc]

Louisville IM Race Report October 14, 2018

Welcome coaches, training buddies, close friends and masochists/insomniacs. As with prior race reports, be warned that this post contains STRONG LANGUAGE. Here goes:

Abstract:

Read the Athlete Guide. Always. Miserable cold and wet conditions. Water temp warmer than air temp, wetsuit legal. Absurd Swim (shortened due to aggressive current); T1 was all about gear choices; Adequate Bike under demanding conditions; T2 was also all about gear choices; Tough Run. Two key takeaways: 1) Read the Athlete Guide; 2) I haven't quite properly calibrated in-race fueling.

Total race time result = 10:18*

* Under grossly dis-humane weather conditions and my own flubs, that is a good result...with which I am completely unsatisfied. A no-surprise, well-managed bike and a somewhat uneven run (matched stand-alone marathon result). Feel free to stop reading now.

Pre-Race (aka: “the Dumbening”)

I cannot emphasize strongly enough: no matter how many races you’ve done, how confident you may be in knowing the procedures, the timing, the places, etc... read and re-read the Athlete Guide.

So although I cannot provide details, just know that I--through my own dumbness--was told to acquire my timing chip in T1 after an official manually noted my swim start time, while standing on the dock to jump into the Ohio River. Clearly communicated in multiple places: check-in closes at 5pm Friday. 

Brief rewind: woke up, standard pre-race breakfast, uneventful gear check and load bottles onto bike, walked over to Swim in. Shoulda found an IM staffer then, but didn’t think. Just didn't think it through; too cold and pre-race- process oriented. Got a little tunnel vision to get to the front of the self-seeded “1-1:10″ swim line. 

Announcer: The current is so strong, some of the pros were struggling to get up river. Swim shortened to .9 mile, in other words an Olympic distance. Race delayed. 

Some squats to stay warm, chat up some folks in line, never once thought to go  get my chip before passing though that big black arch.

Swim (:18 min or 1:18/100 pace)

I swear to you by all the barge traffic and catfish whiskers in the Ohio River, there is no way I was in that river for 18 minutes. More on this in T1. Feet first into the river, sight that first buoy and...

Ever look through a kaleidoscope? Or imagine a Disney version of puke from a flying whale?  The view from my goggles was: 

[Kayaks + swim caps + buoys]

X

(river current exceeding posted speed limits) 

= 

flying Disney whale puke (as I imagine it rendered)

Just utter chaos. I aimed for the big wall, hit the metal steps and out. To quote one of my training partners, “My hair barely got wet.”

T1 (9:20)

Up the steps and skipped the peelers. Rationale: stay as warm as possible as long as possible. Jogged to changing tent, quickly passed the clumping “under 1 hour” swimmers, grabbed a chair near the exit.

Decision time on what to wear and how much skin to cover for the bike. I went with 100% coverage. Socks, thermal legs, long sleeves, gloves, balaclava. Plastic bag under the jersey and five of those little hand warmers hunters use (squeeze and shake for 6+ hours warming) in my back jersey pockets.

Out to bike rack, unhook and... it’s find-my-chip time. Found an IM staffer who radioed multiple people before finally sending me past the Bike Out arch to where the chip folks were.

I.  Stood. There.  Forrr -- evv -- errr. 

Trying to alleviate my own frustration and anxiety, I literally put my head in my hands and made Hulk sounds.

Now, even in my adrenalized and hyper-performance-oriented state, I remember that I brought this shit on myself. So any expectation of special treatment, expedited problem-solving or what I call the lack of a “hop to!” by IM staffers simply cannot be criticized.  This crapola? All.  On.  Me.

Furthermore, I'm grateful. (Check prior race reports, if you must. OR just trust me when I say that...) I thank all the volunteers and cops and EMTs and Traffic Management and general staff within earshot. No matter what speed I’m biking or running. Seriously. I’m all about appreciation.

All that said, Swim and T1 times are clearly inaccurate. Although IM staff noted the time of day I jumped into the water, another IM staffer wrote my time on a clipboard when they activated my chip and yet another other IM staff told me they’d estimate my T1 time. But I didn’t know precisely where to go in T1. So I lingered.

[So again: read the Athlete Guide.]

And if you are ever in that situation--which I guaran-frikkin-tee you I will NEVER be--I recommend you DO NOT stop to ask questions. Continue until you happen upon the chip folks. Worst case: you miss them and back track... the biking equivalent of going back to get dropped nutrition.

Bike (5:43)

While I definitely did not feel myself relax heading down River Road, I did feel a certain familiar comfort. I’d ridden this course a few times so even in the cold, wet wind, I was pretty confident I could manage the bike.

In the spirit of gratitude, whether passing or getting passed, I try to say something positive (looking good, go git some, stay strong).

Even on a hilly course, I ended up pacing with a few others. I try to be sensitive to any ‘gamesmanship’ (I’m not trying to get in your head competitively) but I'm definitely chatty. And the cold and wet just invited comment, even if only to distract from the misery.

Stick out and first loop was uneventful other than the number of people shivering on the sides of the route. Second loop had more than a few cars on course that seemed patient and considerate (relatively, IMO) but still required careful negotiations.

A FEW FIRSTS FOR ME

BLINDING ANGER. I admit I might have been “kicking the cat” but I’ve never experienced this on course.

On the back side of the loop, in the narrow stretch of blacktop through the small neighborhood just after the long descent out of La Grange, there’s short, steep descent with a well-marked/painted “BUMP” before a short, steep uphill. I’m a technically strong and confident cyclist so getting through here on the first loop was a piece of cake. Second time though, there was a hefty pack of windbreakers weaving(!) across the entire width of the road. Despite shouting “on your left” repeatedly and loudly, I had to brake. On an uphill. Dropped my chain. Nearly fell. Unclipped.  All in the tiny 8ish yards of that short ascent. 

What did I do? Stood there trying to get my chain back on and swearing profusely that dickhead bucket-listers with fucking no fucking business fucking leaving their fucking strip-mall periodontist practices should fucking learn to handle their goddamn bikes.

As I passed them on the descent towards the hay-bale bullseye, I gently advised them about blocking, race etiquette and having some goddamn self-awareness. In my defense, I averaged very nearly 20mph that day. And when I accidentally felt somebody too close as they passed, I always apologized. In retrospect, I’m sorry I was that guy right then. 

PROFOUND SOLITUDE Stay with me as I get a little bing-bongy here... At the split to repeat the loop or return on the stick, most folks (the fat part of the bell curve) go left for their second loop.  I was returning on the stick. 

Suddenly I was not saying or hearing “on your left” or listening for the difference between aero wheels or a passing car. 

I was alone. Like the guy in that Robert Frost poem. Miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. And the mental chatter started. Cold. Grey. Wet. Stupid. Wasteful. What ego on you, chump. Clips from Moby Dick, Chapter 96. Burning ship, drove on to some vengeful deed. Gloom. There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. ee cummings A Leaf Falls. 

[Stop wasting your time with this race report. Go read some actual writers.]

Even my mantras had abandoned me. I may have started singing or rapping something from my training playlist to shut down the negative chatter. And that’s about when I realized how well I was managing this bike leg. I think that’s called a paradox.

DON’T BLOW IT NOW Somewhere along one of the last ascents, I realized that I’d dressed properly! Coach Robbie’s advice for plastic grocery bag was spot on. Sure the toes and fingers were cold, but functional. Ears and neck felt okay and core temp was a non-issue. I wondered if I’d taken enough calories (thought: probably) but come on! I’d handled some real shitball conditions pretty well. 

T2 (8:49)

Pulled off everything soaking wet except kit shorts. Replaced with dry thermal long-sleeve top, dry hat, dry gloves. Run belt, bottle, dry socks, shoes. Go.

While neither T1 or T2 were very fast, I really didn’t linger in the warmth. I remember thinking, “Take two deep breaths, make this decision and move it.” In other words, time was spent actually changing clothes.

BTW, Transition volunteers? True Guardian Bros. Can’t thank em enough.

Run (3:58 aka: avg 9:03/mi)

Two MAJOR joyous moments within the first mile:

1) As we’d pre-planned, my unbelievably awesome wife told me I was 18 minutes behind a podium slot. She told me later that I barked, “FUCK!” Regardless, I steal a kiss every race.  Better than a GU and just as sweet. [Yes she reads these. Wink!] 

2) Coincidentally, she was standing a few feet from Coach Robbie (C26), who I recognized but accidentally called Mike (his podcast co-host who I knew was on course). I think I shook his hand? Or maybe just shouted a happy shout?

So those two intercepts helped make the first 25% of the run all good.  I kept turning down the pace because, as Coach Robbie has said, “your legs are lying to you.”

Then all that good ju-ju abandoned me like buoys on the Ohio River on the backside of the first loop.

I’d dropped my Infinit before finishing the entire first 24oz bottle. Why not stop and get it? I got no good rational answer. Ditched hat and gloves and actually rolled up my sleeves. My legs and shoes were soaked. (Walk-peeing wasn’t doing me any favors.) 

I felt better once I had another bottle from my Special Needs bag, but by then I’d already burned my biscuits (another C26 gem) so I was well below my planned and expected 8:40/mile pace.

I may have even cried a little. Apologies to extremely helpful volunteer who graciously ignored a grown-ass man losing his shit. I KNOW i was talking to myself, “It’s all in your head. Move it.” and other more terrible words.

The last 25% in-bound was an exercise in utter stubbornness. Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade Coke Gatorade and tons of verbal self-flagellation to keep going. I sincerely believe I passed two guys in my AG out of pure self-loathing.

The Fourth Street Live finish lived up to the hype. There’s photographic evidence that I actually smiled as I crossed and nearly collapsed (again, super kudos to the volunteers). I was wheeled straight to medical, shivering and borderline shock-ey. Broth, blankets, checked vitals (core temp too low). As planned, Susan brought me multiple layers of dry clothes. Changed. Got my mental shit together after finding out I’d finished 16th. Gold star to Al V., the med tent massage therapist. Another Guardian Bro.  Limped home.

OVERALL RACE GRADE: PASS

As with prior races, IM-LOU yielded incremental improvements in all racing phases. As I said at the top, this was a good result, with which I am completely unsatisfied.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? Clearly yes. 

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

There is clearly opportunity for additional incremental improvements to all five aspects of my racing:

Swim pace was an anomaly. 3x/wk in the lap pool could be improved by 2x/wk in endless pool.

Bike power was lost due to shitass Garmin tech. But from what I remember, I was mostly high Z2 with relatively few power spikes given the course and conditions. I definitely managed the bike with patience and smarts.

Run suffered due to fueling strategy that is just not... quite...perfected. And again, deplorable conditions.

Fuel strategy. I over corrected from IM-AZ (early run GI problems). Calories, liquids (no solids) and delivery method feels right. Timing around T2 needs tweaking.

Transitions were what they were. MY dumbassery in T1 was offset by my smart gear decisions.

See you in New Zealand in March, 2019!

WITH GRATITUDE FOR...

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach Klebacha and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff and athletes who generously share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam, the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list but special GOLD STARS to LIZ and LAURA) and other triathlete rockstars like Nic, Dana, Andrew, John, James, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during training.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Louisville Landsharks.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Apple, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support. For strangers exercising.

Special thanks and appreciation to Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support. Extra special Top Marks to Bernie!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons. Thanks for reading.

[sunyoonandstars]

In Between (BTS series) || Chapter 1

This one is based on a request made by the lovely @im-cxnfused. I hope it manages to meet your expectations! 💜

I got very inspired by this request, so it actually turned into a series which I’ll try to update as frequently as possible. 

This is Chapter 1 of the (currently) ongoing series formerly known as “BTS Imagine 5: Namjoon cheating on you & you getting revenge”

I hope you all manage to find the series and its remaining chapters despite the change of name!🙏🏻

Thank you for reading 💜 and sticking to this series! It’s much appreciated! Also, feedback is always welcome, in case you didn’t know. 

Enjoy!

******************************************************

Chapter Index - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.1, 9.2

Synopsis

You and Namjoon are in a committed relationship. Or so you had thought. When you catch him cheating, however, you decide to take revenge in a way equally brutal. But soon the events take an unforeseen turn, leaving you torn …

Pairing: You x Namjoon, You x Jimin 

angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, occasional hints of smut

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Chapter 1 || Red Converses

You had tried calling Namjoon several times today already, your calls always going straight to voicemail, and your numerous texts, too, had remained unread, not even being delivered. He must’ve turned his phone off, probably to focus on his work, you figured, knowing that he’d been planning on locking himself up in his studio today to finally get some songwriting done after having been stricken with creative block for weeks in a row now. However, you spontaneously decided to leave town for a couple of days, to spend some quality time by the sea with an old friend of yours who is visiting from China, so you wanted to at least let Namjoon know and say your goodbyes before taking off. What you hadn't expected, however, when you had made up your mind to drop by his studio and surprise him, is that you would find the door to it unlocked. And to be faced with the scene right in front of you now. A smile still frozen on your lips, eyes burning, unable to breathe, merely a soundless gasp escaping your lips, you remain standing in the doorway to Namjoon’s studio, paralyzed by shock, feeling your heart being crushed by your chest caving in on itself under the weight of what you see. In disbelief, refusing to trust your own eyes, you blink them. Once. Twice. A dozen times. However, finally, you can’t help but accept that the image painfully etching itself into your memory this instant is indeed real. There is another woman with him. With Namjoon. Your Namjoon. She’s sitting on his lap, facing him, her legs twined around his waist, her slender arms wrapped around his neck, while Namjoon’s big, strong hands - the hands that used to touch only you in such a way - are buried in her long, dark hair. You can hear both of them breathing heavily even from where you stand. And your ears ache with the sound of their lips passionately interlocking. No. No way. This can’t be real. It can't be. Slowly, silently, your knees weak, you take an uncertain step backward, then another, into the empty hallway, closing the door behind you without making a sound, your eyes still wide with horror. There you stay, standing in the middle of the dark corridor, your whole body trembling, hands shaking uncontrollably. Breathe. You have to breathe, Y/N, you remind yourself. But your entire world has just been ripped apart in a matter of seconds, so your body obviously sees no sense in maintaining its basic functions. You can’t even feel its need for oxygen anymore, the expectable burning of your lungs simply missing, not to be sensed. You don’t feel anything right now, not even real anymore. All you can feel is the ground falling away beneath your feet, a dizzy spell threatening to overtake you, your head pounding while your brain desperately tries to process the meaning of what you just witnessed. This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real. Namjoon would never — But he did. You feel nausea building up in your cramping stomach. You have to get out of here. As far away from him, from them, as you can get. Right now. Cruelly slowly making your way to the exit, breathing heavily, your limbs numb, supporting yourself against the wall, you call your best friend without even giving it a second thought, your fingers operating your phone almost automatically. He picks up immediately. „Jimin-ah, I’m feeling sick“, you barely manage to get out the words, doing your best to hold back a sob. „Can you please come an pick me up?“

„Of course, Y/N!“ You can clearly hear the genuine worry resonating in his soft, familiar voice, the mere sound of it already being of comfort to you. „What happened? Where are you?“ „I’m in front of the studio.“ „But … isn't Namjoon there?“ „He’s busy.“ „Okay …“ Jimin unmistakably hesitates, however, you’re infinitely grateful he seems to have decided not dig any deeper for the moment. „I’m already on my way, Y/N. Hold on! I’ll be right there!“ „Thank you, Jimin-ah.“ You hang up and force yourself to keep going, finally making it outside, shakily inhaling the fresh air, taking one hand to your face in order to shield it against the bright daylight hurting your teary eyes. s. The fucking red Converse’s you were only wearing for him. Because you know Namjoon liked them on you the day you first met. Because he wouldn't stop telling you how he couldn't get enough of you in them.As soon as the door clicks shut behind you, your trembling legs ultimately give out, leading you to stumble and almost fall down the few stairs and to the ground. You barely manage to steady yourself, your free hand firmly gripping the banister next to you, your gaze, directed downwards, involuntarily settling on your shoes. Red Converses. The fucking red Converses you were only wearing for him. Because you know Namjoon liked them on you the day you first met. Because he wouldn't stop telling you how he couldn't get enough of you in them. Suddenly you realize: These aren’t even your shoes your looking down on right now. They are his, just like you believed you were. But they are a lie now. Everything was a lie. Every last one of the sweet nothings he used to whisper to you. Everything. Was. A lie. The abrupt awareness of this harsh truth lets the nausea boil up in you once again, more forcefully this time. Panting, you stagger into a narrow alley, tears streaming down your face while you empty your convulsing stomach onto the sidewalk. You can’t stop vomiting, not even to catch your breath. It’s almost like your body wants to get them all out. All those feelings left for Namjoon. For the man who promised to always protect and never hurt you, to stay true to you and by your side for better or for worse. Who knew how you’d been hurt before and swore you could trust him, to always love you. Always. How ridiculous. The word itself. Preposterous. Nobody can love anyone always or forever. There is no always, no forever. Our time on this planet is limited. And so is our capacity to love another person, it seems. Never had you imagined, though, that Namjoon of all people would betray you like this, that he was even capable of cheating. You’d always believed him to be a mature, honest man. However, people can change, you remind yourself, and obviously never seize to surprise. You just can’t help but wonder what it was that pushed Namjoon over the edge. Was it you? Did you lack something? Did you do something wrong? Didn’t you do your best as the woman by his side? Didn’t you satisfy his needs? Didn't you wait for him patiently, whenever he couldn't make time for you? Didn't you go along with his busy schedule as an idol without ever complaining? Didn't you?

When Jimin arrives, he finds you pacing up and down the pavement in front of the Big Hit building, nervously running your hands through your hair, a frighteningly restless, frantic expression in your eyes, your face white as a sheet, your breathing flat and its rhythm far too rapid. Immediately, he hurries to your side, taking you by the shoulders to stop you in your step. „Hey, Y/N! Calm down! It’s alright. I’m here now. I’m here.“ Torn from your desperately spinning thoughts by the welcome sound of his well-known voice you look up at Jimin, only now made aware of his presence. You don’t even try to resist when he pulls you in for a tight, comforting hug. „You came“, you whisper into his shirt, a single tear of relief making its way down your cheek and seeping into the soft fabric of his sweater. „Of course, I came, Y/N. Now, let’s go. Let’s go home.“ „Not to the dorm!“, you call out, unintentionally raising your voice, pulling away from his embrace. Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise at your unexpectedly strong reaction, he merely nods, reassuring you with a sweet smile. „Alright, Y/N. I’ll drop you off at your apartment then, or wherever you want. I don’t mind where we go. All that matters is that you’re comfortable. Okay?“ „Thank you. But my apartment is perfectly fine.“ „Good“, he smiles at you, his smooth, soothing voice already having a noticeable calming effect on you. „Let’s go then. The cab is waiting just around the corner.“ Gently, he takes you by the elbow and leads you towards the vehicle, proceeding to place you in the backseat and to sit down right next to you, never once letting go of your arm. „Sit back and relax, Y/N“, he tells you, and you gladly comply, closing your eyes while listening to Jimin giving directions to the driver in a low voice and politely asking him to turn down the music, probably afraid your rest would be disturbed otherwise. How can he still be so sweet and caring towards me?, you can’t help but wonder. After what you’d put him through all those years ago. His kindness and forgiveness will most likely forever remain an enigma to you. For now, however, you push aside all thoughts of your shared past and decide to enjoy Jimin’s comfort, settling into the hug he offers once again, leaning your head on his shoulder. „Y/N?“, he cautiously speaks up after few minutes of welcome silence. „Hmm-hmm“, you simply hum in response, unable to muster the strength necessary to open your eyes and look up at him. „I was just wondering … Are you ‚sick‘ sick, or was this another one of your panic attacks?“ You can feel your heart twist in your chest. It’s not ready yet for this kind of talk. „Don’t know“, you reply, keeping it short to hide the shaking of your voice. „You wanna talk about it?“ „No.“ Jimin just nods silently, gently pulling your head closer to his chest, apparently having noticed your muscles tensing up in reaction to his questions. In a slow, tranquilizing rhythm he starts caressing your hair, one arm around your shoulder until he suddenly stops. You can feel his head shoot up. „Yah, Y/N, why aren’t you wearing any shoes!?“ „I puked on them“, you truthfully reply, leaving out unnecessarily painful details. „Should I go back and get them? I could go back after I drop you off and leave them with our dry cleaners. They'll look as good as new once they’re done with them.“ „Don’t bother.“ „But … weren’t they your favorites? Your red Converse Highs? You wear them all the time. They’re basically the only flats you own.“ „Yeah“, you sigh. „But … don’t you love those worn out things? Aren’t they like special to you and Namjoon?“, Jimin keeps asking, sounding increasingly confused, astonished by your indifference. „Forget about it. They’re ruined.“ Your cold, resolute tone keeps him from making any further inquiries. He knows you. He has known you for years, probably better than you know yourself, maybe even better than Namjoon does. He knows your boundaries, and he knows very well not to push them. So Jimin simply decides to offer you his wordless consolation, for now, even unaware of what troubles your heart, stroking your back, his fingers circling across the thin fabric of your shirt, tracing calming shapes and lines on your covered skin. When you finally arrive at your destination he helps you out of the car, your knees still weak, and slowly, with you leaning onto his shoulder, leads you upstairs and inside your small, humble flat. You don’t even need to give him the access code to the front door. Jimin’s fingers still remember the sequence of numbers you’d written down for him over three years ago. „I can take it from here“, you say without looking him in the eye, the two of you still standing in the doorway. „No way, Y/N. I’m not leaving you in this state. I haven’t seen you this shaken up since —“, he pauses, his voice cracking, the silence building up, filling the room in between the two of you, quickly becoming unbearable, smothering. He shoots you a quick inquiring glance, but you try hard not to show any reaction. „Well —“ Jimin clears his throat. You can see his cheeks blushing from the corner of your eye. „I haven't seen you this shaken up in years. I have no idea what happened to get you into this state, and I won’t pry. If you’re ready to tell me, feel free to. You know I’m always there for you, willing to listen. Until then I won’t bother you with any further awkward questions. I just want you to rest and get better, to take care of you as a friend, that’s all. Will you let me?“ Weakly, you nod, signaling him with a gesture of your hand to follow you inside. Jimin gives you a faint smile, his eyes still searching yours for any kind of clue as to what might have stirred you up like this. You simply avert your gaze, however, don’t resist when he takes you by both your shoulders, gently pushing you towards your bedroom. „Now change into something comfortable and lie down. I’ll make you your favorite tea. It’s still that weird blend, cocoa bean, and licorice, right?“ You can’t help but grin. „Yeah, that’s the one.“ His face lights up at your response. „Good. I’ll be right back, Y/N. Make yourself comfortable in the meantime.“ You nod, still grinning to yourself, even after Jimin has left and closed the door behind him. He’s too good to you. A fact you are painfully made aware of once again as your eyes casually sweep over a framed photograph while you get undressed. The picture, placed on your bookshelf, hidden behind a vase, shows Jimin and you, your arm thrown around his neck and his around your waist while you give him a peck on the cheek, your faces beaming in naive happiness. That was another me and another him. Ages ago. Those two people don’t exist anymore, you quickly remind yourself, detaching your gaze from the photograph. As you nestle to your comfortable pillow, however, you are faced with another picture, another memory, sending a sudden, piercing pain through your entire body, originating from your chest, your aching heart. It’s a Polaroid, of you and Namjoon, taken on your birthday in the first year you spent together as an official couple. It was taken by Taehyung, if you remember correctly. He was a little embarrassed by the scene in front of him, taunting you, taking the photo only to show the two of you how disgustingly rampant you were even in public. However, the both of you ended up loving it, the polaroid showing you entangled in each other, you sitting on Namjoons hips, one of his hands placed on your bottom, the other one buried in your hair, your lips locked in a deep, passionate kiss. He’d never been afraid of public display of affection once the two of you had made it official, meaning not only making officially known that you were dating, but that you were deeply, madly in love with each other. Were. Were. What a hurtful little word. You close your eyes and bury your head in your pillows, unable to stand to look at the image for even one more second. However, it keeps haunting you, showing up in your feverish dreams as you sink into a shallow, restless sleep...

To be continued ...

                                                                                             NEXT CHAPTER  ⏭

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Hope you enjoyed it so far! Stay tuned for more! 

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[subdivisi0ns]

tagged by the lovely @britneyshakespeare to answer these 10 questions & come up with 10 of my own. thank you !! 💗

psa i wrote way too much please don’t read this. just skip to the questions at the end if i tagged you

1. What are 3 songs that mean something to you, and what do they mean?

that’s hard because i don’t usually find personal meanings in songs. i’m a lot more interested in what the song means to the artist who wrote it. but let’s see if i can think of some

-um. after all by david bowie was always Highly Relatable. like. prattling on & on waxing philosophical only to suddenly realize everything i said is wrong and don’t hate me and also now i’m having an existential crisis and i shouldn’t have started talking in the first place? M e

-when i was first getting into rush i was a big fan of Self Isolating To Cope and also i had no friends and was proud of it (bc if i couldn’t find a way to take pride in my [perceivedly] unchangeable flaws my entire self image would come crashing to the ground and that just wasn’t a good time . anyway). so the lines “nothing can survive in a vacuum / no one can exist all alone” from turn the page pissed me off. but now! now i have loads of friends and i feel legitimately cared about and i feel like i can comfortably reciprocate that and now when i hear that song i think you know what neil? you’re goddamn right.

-uh i s’pose i relate to another brick in the wall pt 3 which is not a good thing but. i dunno i really love being angrily in denial of needing any help whatsoever along to this song. it’s my flaw-pride anthem (don’t worry i don’t take it literally. it’s just fun in the moment)

-shit i know this said three but the one person who i relate to EVERY FUCKING SONG he’s ever put out is bill wurtz. never have i felt so understood than when i listen to bill wurtz’s music. god it’s the most uncanny feeling, i really really understand it a lot

ok i have to stop thinking of more . turns out a lot have meaning to me ive spent like an hour on this question alone Moving On

2. What’s your ideal self like?

. this was The Worst question to ask me because i can and will ramble on for hours given the opportunity

well i’d be able to execute my ideas, for one. instead of just having a half-baked - quarter-baked - fleeting concept with no real idea of how to achieve it. more specifically i want to be able to write songs. more more specifically i want to be able to write the music aspect of songs. i can’t do it. i dont fuckin know why i just can’t. but if i could i think i just might be content with life.

but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to improve. i wish i was funnier. i like my weird brand of humor/abstractity online but that’s hard to replicate in real life. i wish i was better at thinking on the spot. i wish my memory didn’t only retain stuff when it feels like it. i wish i was better at putting my thoughts into words, more concisely and accurately and effectively.

um i wish i didnt have executive function issues. like i wanna just do stuff and not have it take all the energy out of me. wish i had the energy to do it to begin with. wish i could keep up with socializing and not ignore people for hours/days because i can’t get myself to maintain conversation.

ok clearly this is leading down an endless tunnel of what i’d change so . i’ll just say my ideal self is a successful musician with a good social life but also an element of mystery and intrigue. my ideal self is just david bowie

3. Who, of all your family members (immediate or extended), do you think has had the most influence on you, for better or for worse?

my mom for a lot (a looooooot) of reasons but if i go into it this is gonna push it over the line from a tag game into a therapy session (if i havent crossed that line already)

4. What’s your main outlet of expression?

writing. journalling. fuckin , social media. actually yeah that more than anything. my Self is on display here if you look at my tumblr(s) my twitter(s) and my instagram(s) you’ve got a pretty goddamn decent picture of who i am

5. What was the first album you ever bought for yourself?

uh i mean i listen to most stuff off of youtube if i don’t already have it so like,,? i dunno. does itunes count? the first vinyl i ever got was wish you were here (for forty fuckin bucks god) but i paid with my aunt’s money so does that even count. i don’t know.

6. Do you like to go shopping?

depends on a lot of things. lately i’ve been in the mood to just get out of the damn house whenever possible (love being a high school dropout !) so the answer is pretty much yes anytime. but it really depends.

7. Kind of cliche but, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would you pick?

i wanna be the fourth person at the dinner with rush table. just to observe. i’d be terrified to actually have a conversation with any of my idols. okay but if i had to get over that fear i guess i’d pick..... bowie? todd? i don’t know this is hard. alex lifeson circa 197something so he can take me back to his place afterwards you pickin up what im puttin down

8. What TV show do you watch when you’re feeling stressed or low and you need a quick feel-better fix?

i don’t watch tv like ever not even in this case but i guess full house

9. What was the last intriguing conversation you had about?

everything my girlfriend said to me today (edit: yesterday but i did this last night) was great everything my girlfriend’s ever said to me was great

oh that didn’t answer the question at all i just realized. uh they were telling me about the star wars prequels (which i have not seen) and earlier we were having a very analytical conversation about a particularly interesting rush photo

also me & @swanky-trash were discussing our plans to take down trump and all the rest of those bastards while wearing jareth from labyrinth costumes and eating mushrooms. because it’s our destiny as clones separated at birth. yknow just life stuff

10. What’s something about yourself that you don’t think comes across as painfully obvious online, but is, in fact, in person?

shit are we at the end already? damn. i was enjoying this (can you tell).

okay here’s another one i could go on for 12 years about. but uh. i probably come across as way more perky irl? like my voice is all high pitched and i talk really fast and smile and laugh at everything and i have a whatever the opposite of monotone is voice. i don’t like that. i try to combat it online with the all-lowercase typing and shortening of words and omission of punctuation and that sort of thing. i think it’s worked. also i may be terrible at typing but i am WAY worse at speaking. i’m scatterbrained as hell and if i seem at all interesting or witty online that all goes to shit irl. also i can’t fucking talk to people who i only know in person? it just doesn’t work. thank god i have you guys

haaaa okay sorry for the rambling here are the questions

1. what’s the best day/one of the best days you’ve ever had?

2. how important is your social media presence to you?

3. what achievement are you proudest of?

4. describe your sense of humor.

5. is there anything you’re good at or like to do that people who don’t know you well probably wouldn’t expect?

6. what’s your most interesting family story?

7. favorite color palette?

8. what’s something that would be very “out of character” for you to do?

9. yknow that thing on twitter that’s like “pick 1 & rt for good luck” and the options are good grades, meet your idol, money, or crush texts you? which one would/did you pick and why?

10. what’s a song you either wish you’d written or feel like you could’ve written?

i tag @thetemplesofrush @thumbnailoak3 @swanky-trash @lavender-layne @realalexlifeson @davies-jones @goallines-and-musicrhymes @fruitthemed @graveyarding @cosmikdebris99 and anyone else who wants to do it and dont feel pressured to do it etc etc god i hope none of you actually read this whole thing i am so sorry