#im on the brink of puking

[tangerisms]

beloved blorbos

[toxooz]

Give it up for round 4 this year of feeling like im on the brink of death from dehydration from puking my ass off for 24 hrs

EDIT made this post in my drafts this morning but im getting my appendix removed tomorrow LMFAOOOOO ig I'm staying at the hospital overnight oof

[curious-l1ght]

help im on the brink of puking and i dont think i can ignore the nausea

why does it hurt

Just vomit, please.

Don't hold it back. I'm not sure why it hurts, it'll help if you can tell me what sort of pain

[heylinfanclub]

I so often just focus on the concrete reality I forget to give examples. I say I can’t get a job and I probably won’t and people might assume I didn’t try. But I did. Tried out for every job I was passionate for. Tried to work myself. Tried. I did. But it didn’t work, it didn’t STICK, nobody calls back, I’m always doing something WRONG. And the other options are not options to me. So I’m not. Going. To do it. I would rather die. But that shouldn’t be the only option for someone who doesn’t want to be a fuckin industrial sheep-dog. I am supported rn and that’s a fuckin privilege. But. Idk. If they’d like supporting me so much knowing I just. Cant get a job man. I just can’t. I’m looking into disability. Hell I’m even considering some kind of ‘can I have a caretaker come over for a few hours a week or something please I genuinely cannot DAILY achieve goals without a persistent human reminder, I’m lucky if i manage WEEKLY achieve goals.’

And then again I need examples I can say these things but I need examples. Like yes I do write and I do art and I go to my appointments and I buy groceries and I go to the bathroom. I don’t shower or brush my teeth or eat or cook or go out or schedule time for LIFE? I DONT PLAN EVENTS. I DONT TAKE VACATIONS. I DONT GO ON GRAND ADVENTURES. I FUCKING WANT TO SO BADLY BUT WHO DO I GO WITH? I CANT GO ALONE BUT I CANT ASK... I need a ride places I need someone to talk to people for me sometimes it’s fucking embarrassing but I want a professional who’s god damn payed to be professional about it and help me LEARN THE ROPES I DIDNT GET TO LEARN EVER. IM NOT CONSISTENT IN ACHIEVING MY LIFE GOALS (and I barely hAve any) AND IT SUCKS. ougHhHggh.

I can do all these things sometimes hell I hAD A JOB FOR FOUR YEARS I HAVE A DEGREE but I’m perpetually stuck in burnout due to both reality and PROBABLY THINGS I DONT RECOGNIZE ARE MESSING WITH ME CAUSE I AM TOO FRAZZLED TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING and it’s so depressing awful UGH.

The light in my life rn being the few people who reach out and ask to do things with me, or people I have just been consistently doing things with. This might be. The autism. I just need. EITHER ROUTINE SOCIALIZING or a SOCIALIZING AROUND A SPECIFIC THING.

but fucking???? Interviews????? NO!!! I WANT SOMEONE TO BE ASKING FOR EMPLOYEES AND THE. JUST TAKE WHOEVER ARRIVES. FUCK. I DONT WANT TO SELL MYSELF LIKE A FUCKING CABBAGE. ADVERTISING??? NETWORKING???? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 GIVE ME THE FUCKING JOB OR ILL DISSECT MYSELF LIVE IN THE LOBBY

I will be 100% real. The concept of a Needing a Job has made me existentially insane. I think I have fucking cracked. Any time someone brings it up I am pushed to the BRINK. I want to lay down scream and cry and maybe puke. Like. It triggers me SO HARD any time it’s brought up. I don’t know. How I am going. To survive. Capitalism. With these FUCKING feelings. Uughhhhh headache.

[t4bj00r4]

restraint i held myself back i am the only one i cant not now not yet dont give up youre on the brink of a miracle you know no one else will chosen fight it off don’t do it not yet you can’t a savior sick they’re infested weeds and roots run aground dig them up cure the sickness animals CELESTIAL GARDENER necessary evil you can’t do it don’t do it don’t give up oh im gonna puke

[honeyed-disgraceful]

Every 20 seconds: i need my fill i need my fill i need my fill i need my fill

[hermitcrabofficial]

feeelin like trash. like absolute human garbag3

[cl-oelia]

I’m doing.....so bad

[spinph69]

Idk how to make an a03 account lol i've tried but nothins workin, so im gonna post this here. This was mostly inspired by what master cornflake said, we need more gorey doom fanfics.

Also this is like the first time i've written Somethin and completed it in months so bare with me its not very good lol

TW: Gore, S-icide-?

Vega punched a demon through its stomach, pulling out what he could in one swoop before it fell on its back. Guts and maggots wriggling in his grasp before he dropped it and moved onto the next demon.

He heard a bang before an explosion from his right. "SLAYER-" he called, turning his body in that direction. He spoke calm but he couldnt tell if his voice was worrisome or disappointed, knowing the slayer it was probably his fault something exploded. The pipes behind him popped, some of the wall cracking before exploding. This was probably a result of the last explosion, and the arena was filled with gas and fog.

Vega walked around, trying to listen to groans of zombies or thrown fire balls by imps, pressing onto his helmets speaker button and calling out "Slayer? Where are you?" He let go, waiting for a response.

Soon enough a raspy, gurgled voice spoke "On the top floor, are all the fodder demons down there? I could really go for more ammo."

Vega nodded "i imagine the larger demons rest up top?"

"Mmhm"

Vega shook his head and sighed "i cant see a thing, even the automaps not workin. I'm headin there soon, we'll meet midway."

"Sounds like a plan."

They both were headin towards the stairs, the slayer soon being blinded by the fog, it was rising up.

He heard a familiar noise before looking down from the 3rd balcony, and he called from his helmet as he saw the beams "VEGA, TYRANT-"

Vega turned his body to see if he could find a light, spinning in circles before a blaster soldier ambushed him. Vega grabbed his arm and pulled it out before using it as a bat and wacking the demon unconscious. Soon more demons began circling him, and the slayer jumped down to help. They still Couldn't find one another but they continued to fight as the tyrant shot at anything.

Soon enough a rocket hit Vega, sending him off to the nearest wall and slamming into it. He fell onto all fours before the wall cracked, pipes shooting water and quickly pooling on the floor. The slayer heard it and ran right towards the noise, when he saw the beast tower over his friend.

The slayer pulled out a rocket launcher and balista, setting up both so he could easily switch when he ran out of ammo for the other. He shot the tyrant, trying to derive its attention but it wouldnt budge, he was trying to pick them off one by one, it'd be easier to go after one even if he doesnt survive. He was a child of the dark lord, and so he'd make father proud.

Vega stumbled his way back up, eyes widening as he saw the arm pointed straight in his direction. It felt closer than 5 feet away, freezing in fear as he had no where to dash through. He had the poor boy cornered before setting off his blasters, all 4 rockets slamming into him back to back.

After this the tyrant stumbled, its broken legs growing numb and meat falling off. The slayer jabbed his blade into the demons thick bone, it cracking and chipping like wood as he screamed in pain. He kept pushing it deeper, hitting the bone marrow and deeper blood vessels. He jammed it all the way through, before slicing it down enough to where the rest of the bone folded under pressure. The demon fell to its knees, high enough for the doom slayer to grab onto its horns, crawl onto his face and jab his 12 inch blade straight between the eyes. The vibration hitting through his core as the knife hit his rock hard skull. He did it again, enough for the blade to go through its skull and piercing its brain. Its eyes going blank as blood poured from its nose and wound.

The tyrant fell limp, landing in the water and splashing a wave of water it knocked the slayer down. The rest of the demons in that arena died off burning as their corpses transported back to hell.

The slayer got his balance again and pulled off his helmet as water seeped through, his suit wasnt built for the water.

The fog slowly began to clear up, especially where the water was, and he saw Vega laying limp in his own blood.

The slayer wanted to scream but he knew his already destroyed vocal cords would screw him up even more.

Face laying down in water, the slayer picked him up and laid him on his back. It became abundantly clear his suit was broken, and pieces of it stabbing right through him.

The slayer teared up as he shook vega "VEGA!!" He called before coughing.

Vegas eyes slowly opened but they were only a squint, vegas grip onto him was weak and he breathed heavily. Blood continued to pour from his body, mixing in with the water as his suits helmet fogged up. He didnt know what was worse, 'dying' in the slayers arms or seeing the slayer cry.

He pulled off his helmet and saw his bloody face, nose broken and blood pouring from it. "I'm gonna get you home soon"

Vega shook his head "no.. We're not done here yet"

"You cant take care of yourself alone"

"Which is why im not gonna"

The slayer cocked his head in confusion, Vega continuing with a static and broken voice "I'm gonna die here"

The light his chest bared was slowly fading, it was as bright as it would be when he would sleep. The slayer shook his head "n-" before he could continue Vega pushed his hand against his mouth "you listen to me, take the chip from my suit, bring it back home with you when you're done. We've done this before, i know you can do it again"

The slayer shook his head again and began signing with his hands, throat too scratched up especially when crying. "I can't lose you again, i can't keep losing you."

They both hated watching the other die, even if vegas physical form was just that, a form, and the chip could be transfirmed suit to suit. Even if the slayer had 'lives' an existing boost that would active whenever he was on the brink of death.

Vega pulled the pistol from his side, something the slayer had abandoned ever since hayden shot him back to hell. He put it to the roof of his mouth, it was better to go out this way then to continue bleeding out for what felt like hours.

The slayer looked away as the light flashed, plasma frying every circuit and melting into his core like a fire ball. He dropped him as vega began getting hot, shooting his core the way he did immediately led off to a miniature explosion and his head flying off into pieces. All that was left hanging on his neck was a broken jaw, a few teeth missing and his tongue burnt.

The slayer turned away and puked, it was a horrific sight to see, especially with your husband.

This was one of the hardest moments the slayers had to go through in a long time. His chest no longer heaving with heavy breaths, his light completely gone and body fell completely limp in the slayers grasp. This form had died, and it would take a while for them to make a new one.

But he did what vega requested, abandoned the body, and moved onto the next level.

[breathinginthevapor]

A heart-breaking mess

Summary: You and Luke are former high school sweethearts, but haven’t talked in years. You suddenly run into each other at a bar and might not be completely done with each other.

A/N: Well, no one (literally no one, it got six likes i think) read my last one shot even though the one before that got over 300 so yeah, let’s see how this goes haha. Please please please leave feedback if you like it (and also if you don’t just don’t be too mean im fragile haha) As for warnings, there’s meantions and brief descriptions of sex, and alcohol is also in the picture. Also, if anyone would like a second part, I’d totally be up for that x

T/W: drinking, slight nsfw

Masterlist

I don’t own the picture, it’s from Luke’s instagram

He has changed so much, and he’s not at all the boy you knew all those years ago. But his eyes are the same that once looked at you with admiration and love, and their shade is the same icy blue as the ones who made your teenage heart flutter. His lips are the same as the ones who calmed you down on dark nights, and his hands still the ones that held yours when you walked through the halls of your local high school.

But the confidence radiating from his body is new, as well as the flirting look in his eyes is one you haven’t seen before. It’s a strange coincidence he is frequenting the same bar as you tonight, and even though you’re both different persons than the children who believed their love could last forever, it brings back all those memories you spent so much time on forgetting.  

If you had known he was back in town, you would have stayed indoors watching Netflix instead of visiting the bar you know his friends like, but how could you? It’s not easy when he’s traveling the world; in Asia the first day and then home the next.  

It may seem weird that even now, years after your breakup, you still fear meeting him, but he was your first love, and you’ve learned that first loves always will have a special place in people’s heart, including yours.  

He’s dancing with a girl you don’t know, and she’s just another thing that tells you how different he is. The Luke you knew wouldn’t even have offered her and her short dress a second glance, too caught up in a funny story his friends told and besides never seeing the point in one night stands, but now his hands are around her waist and his lips on her neck.

She turns around and places her hands in his thick curls. You want to puke, perhaps because it isn’t until now you realize that the Luke who’ll always be a part of you is gone from the surface and only lives in your memory. The tiniest bit of hope that has been hidden inside you for the past years shatters. The Luke who promised you forever under a sky full of stars, the Luke who ate McDonald’s with you on prom night in your fancy clothes and the Luke who wrote songs about you and showed them with trembling hands on his guitar doesn’t exist anymore and never will again.  

You swallow down the rest of your drink and get up from the lousy bar chair. You’re not in the mood for neither partying nor drinking anymore, no, you just want to go home and sleep and maybe throw out some old pictures of the boy who had promised to come back to you but never did.  

However, today isn’t your lucky day. When you stand up, you manage to take down the glass with you, and just as it hits the floor, the music stops and everyone turns towards you, including him. You see it in his eyes: the recognition, how he at first wonders why you look so familiar and then how it suddenly hits him who you are.

It’s only about three seconds before another song is played and everybody continues what they were doing before your little accident, but not him. You watch him excuse himself from the girl who’s clearly very disappointed about missing out on a night with the Rockstar, but he doesn’t seem to care, and while he makes his way to you, his eyes are fixated on yours like you’re some song he knew and loved once but now struggle to remember the words of.  

“Y/N.”

“Luke.”

You both greet each other with emotionless voices, and it scares you how comfortable he looks while you’re busy scanning the room for an exit. But even now, the way he says your name sends chill through your body, and you wonder how you have been able to go on so long without hearing him say it.  

It’s weird: he’s still able to give you the sparks, to fill your stomach with butterflies, but at the same time you never want to see him again. Never want to hear his voice again, never want to feel the way that only he can make you.

“It’s been a long time, huh? What, a year, two years?”

It hurts that he doesn’t remember, but you remind yourself that it’s different for him. He doesn’t have to buy groceries at the same place you bought hot wings together when you were hangover, chat with your mom every time he sees her on the street (which is surprisingly often considering how big of a city Sydney is), hear her talk about how good you’re doing or walk past your house every time he’s on his way to work.  

“Almost three,” you correct, fighting to keep the careless expression on your face.

You just hope he can’t read you anymore. You are, after all, not the open book you used to be.  

“Really? Wow, time just flies when you’re living on the road,” he answers, a small smile on his lips, clearly thinking back on some tour memories. “Are you in college now? Almost done or what?”

You’re not really in the mood for small talk, and you just want to run away and never ever think about the boy who broke your heart again, but unfortunately, it feels like your feet are glued to the ground which means you have no choice but to stay.

“Yeah, I’ll be a fully educated teacher in two years. Took a year off to work.”

You can’t count how many times you’ve said those words to strangers or acquaintances, but it feels weird that Luke’s one of them now when he used to be the one who knew you better than anyone else.

Sometimes, you’d wonder if he actually knew you better than you knew yourself. It certainly seemed that way when he sent some of your writing to a competition where the first prize was a course with a professional writer. You only found out what he had done when you received an email that said you had won. Needless to say, you were over the moon for having someone so sweet and considerate in your life.

“Teaching? I thought you wanted to be a writer?” He remembers. Remembers the dreams you had when you were younger and believed everything was possible, when you still believed that dreams come true.

News flash, they don’t.

"Well, we can't all live our teenage dreams as grown-ups," you say before thinking, sounding so bitter that you don't even like yourself. Luke has worked hard for everything he's achieved, and he has definitely deserved it.

However, there's still a small part of you that finds it unfair that he's doing everything he's ever wanted while swimming in money and luxury while you're only just able to pay rent because you did nothing but work for a whole year.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just tired, school's really been taking a toll on me the last couple of months.”

"I understand," he affirms, raising his hand to show that you’re forgiven. "I was rooting for you, though."

You flash a smile at him, and then the two of you stand in an awkward silence you’ve never experienced with him before. You used to talk the whole night, and even when the silence took over, it felt nice and calm and comforting.

He scratches his neck, looking down at his feet. Then he takes a deep breath that visibly expands his chest and fixes his blue orbs on yours.

“Do you wanna dance?”

You open your mouth to decline his offer, but then you close it again and just nod. You can’t explain why, but you can’t get yourself to say no. Not when you know this might be the last time you see him.

He grabs your hand and pulls you through the crowd, bodies pressing against you from every side but the feeling of Luke’s hand in yours making you feel safe.

He stops when he’s found a spot with a little amount of space for the two of you, and you seriously regret your decision when you stand there facing each other and not knowing what to do.

But then he grabs your other hand and swirls you around while pulling you closer, so your back is pressed against his chest. He places your own hands on your hips, his still covering them.

You immediatly lose yourself in the music and the way his body perfectly melds into yours, and you grow braver for every minute. You press your ass against his crotch and let your fingertips wander up to his neck, pulling at the short curls. He groans and grips your hips even tighter, knuckles turning white. Then you turn around and slowly lean in, barely letting your lips meet before pulling away again.

“Such a tease,” he mutters, hands slipping down to squeeze your ass. You lean in once more and this time, there’s no holding back.

He parts your lips with his tongue and then explores your mouth, grazing your teeth and biting your lip.

When a stranger bumps into you, breaking the kiss, he whispers in your ear, “Wanna do this somewhere else, babe?”

You simply nod, feeling your veins boiling with desire.

This time, he leads you to the bathroom for disabled and pushes you up against the door while locking it with the hand that isn’t caressing your hardening nipple through your dress.

“Jump,” he commands, and you secure your legs behind his back while he carries you to the sink, placing you on the brink of it. His lips suck on your neck, collarbone and then, after removing your dress, your breast too, surely leaving marks.

The sex is nothing like when you were together, before he left. He’s much more rough and daring, whispering things in your ear that would make his younger self blush, and he has to cover your mouth to prevent you from making too much noise.

But he’s still considerate enough to make sure to finish you both, and then he stays inside you for a few seconds before pulling out and grabbing your clothing from the floor.

He throws your dress, bra and panties at you and then pulls his boxer shorts on and buttons up his shirt.

You slide down the sink, trying to catch your breath and laughing at his struggle with putting on the tight skinny jeans.

“I can’t believe you still wear those,” you begin, raising your eyebrows, “I remember you said they made you look ‘punk rock’.”

He chuckles, finally succeeding in his attempt at pulling up the black jeans.

“Well, they look good with almost everything and you gotta admit I do look more tough with these on than my old pizza pajamas pants,” he responds and winks at you, making you giggle once more.

“I actually have those in my drawer back home. They may not be trendy or ‘punk rock’, but I swear to God they are the comfiest piece of clothing ever,” you admit and then realize how weird it must sound that an ex has your pajamas laying around after three years of being broken up. “Wow, that sounded creepier than I intended.”

He smiles reassuringly at you, “no worries, Y/N. I still wear that necklace you gave me with the fake shark tooth sometimes as well, so we’re even.” You mirror his grin, remembering when you bought him the necklace. It was when he first went to London, and you wanted to gift him something to remind him of home. You wandered through Sydney all day, not finding anything worth paying for before stumbling upon the fake shark tooth in one of the tourist shops down by the harbor. You knew Luke would find it funny (and perhaps just a little cool too) and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget how thankful he looked when you gave it to him.

You were joining his family visiting him in London, and upon your leave, you had offered him the gift and he immediately got the idea behind, slipping the necklace over his head and pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, whispering “I love you so much,” when you pulled apart.

Luke clears his throat and shakes you from your thoughts. You can’t remove the smile from your lips, feeling better than you have in a long time and looking forward to spending more time with Luke. There’s so much you want to hear about and so many things you want to tell him. And you’re extremely glad you went to the bar tonight.

But then Luke speaks, and every trace of happiness once again leaves your body, “Well, I should probably get going. It was nice catching up with you Y/N, feel free to message me if you’re ever in L.A and up for a round two.”

Your whole body stiffens, but he doesn’t seem to notice or perhaps he just doesn’t care as he presses a short kiss on your cheek before opening the door and leaving you alone.

You’re unable to move, too much in shock to even think comprehendible, but then someone opens the door to the bathroom and asks if you’re finished out there, and you leave, feeling like a zombie like the ones in the movies you watched with your father when you were a kid.

You stop by the bar and look down where the shattered glass still lays right beside your feet, just like the broken remains of your heart. Because he isn’t your Luke anymore, he’s just a heart-breaking mess who used to be the love of your life.

But even now, he still has the ability to shatter your heart into millions of pieces. And you hate him for it.  

[youngjaelook]

Querencia — Park Jinyoung

author's note — another requested imagine! i actually really like this one, it's lowkey kinda fluffy yet angsty at the same time. hope u guys like itttt! also send me some more requests! to anon, i know u requested a jinyoung au and im so sorryyy asfkdfjfdkl i hope u still like it tho T.T #UNEDITED!

request from anon — Hi! Would like to request for park jinyoung au, where he forgot about 1st anniversary and his s/o had prepared a surprise for that day. but jinyoung didn’t appear and then, when he realized, he tried to put the situation to rights?

summary — Lately, it seems like Jinyoung doesn't know that he's the reason you're falling apart.

warnings — slight smut, angsty-ish & flufffff

word count — 2K

Jinyoung was rarely ever running late, so when the clock struck ten and he was still nowhere to be found, you wondered if you supposed to feel worried.

It was mid-November in Seoul, so it wasn't exactly warm outside. The air was biting and you could practically make out the white snow starting to fall down from the sky like beads of rain on a July afternoon.

"It's Jinyoung! I'm probably busy at the moment, so please leave a me —" Usually, you loved the sound of Jinyoung's voice, but tonight it was anything but soothing.

You looked up at the sky, cursing the gods for your luck today, and sighed.

You were aware that dating an idol wasn't going to be a walk in the park. You had to compete for his attention on most days.

Sometimes you felt almost like a burden to him.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you jerk in surprise.

It's Jinyoung.

You don't hesitate to answer him, heart beating widly in your chest as you prayed he was okay and safe, and not in some freak car crash or something. "Yah, Park Jinyoung! Why haven't you answered my calls? Are you alright? Oh God, please tell me you're alright."

You hear shuffling on the other side, followed by a heavy sigh.

"I'm fine, jagiya. I just — I'm still at this party and I don't know if I can make it tonight." It's like your heart is free falling into the dark void in your stomach.

You don't know if you should be relieved that he's safe and not in the hospital, or if you should cry because this is the third time he's flaked out on you. You figured any other day would be fine for him to ditch you for his job, but today marked your first year together — did he even care?

Jinyoung takes note of your silence. He's pulling at his dress tie, mouth dry and lip twitching as his guilt starts eating him away.

"Princess —"

"Why do we even bother anymore, Jinyoung?"

And it's as if all of Jinyoung's demons start mocking him, torturing his senses, driving him insane as the words roll off your tongue.

He swallows thickly. "Jagiya, let's not talk about this now," he looks around, hoping nobody can see the tears in his eyes, or the tremble in his hands. "please."

It takes almost everything in you not to scream at your phone before hurling your phone into the busy street. You take in deep breaths in order to calm your state of mind, but it doesn't work — you don't know if anything will work anymore.

"Goodnight Jinyoung." Your voice is soft, on the brink of breaking, and you hung up the phone before you could hear him protest.

The walk back to your apartment was quiet, only the sound of your sniffles and the buzzing of the cars on the roads, are the only sounds you hear along with the shattering of your heart with each step you take.

When you get home, you fling yourself on your bed — the velvet sheets keeping you warm, and providing you comfort.

After what felt like hours of crying which were only just about twenty minutes in reality you make yourself a cup of tea to calm down your raging head-ache.

You don't know where you stand with Jinyoung at the moment, neither did Jinyoung.

He was whizzing past crowds trying to get to the exit. The remorse in his heart prompted him to run back to your apartment, to see you.

Wonpil was the one who noticed his fellow label-mate sprinting for the door. He frowned as he made his way to Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jinyoung looked like a mad man as he turned around to face Wonpil. "woah, are you alright? Did you drink too much — it's very unlike you to get drunk this early into the party."

Early? Jinyoung wanted to scream. It was half past midnight, and the girl he loved oh so dearly was probably back in her apartment after hours of waiting for him, crying herself to sleep because he didn't show up!

It was too late.

Wonpil noticed the conflict in Jinyoung's face and laid his hand on Jinyoung's shoulder as he gazed deeply into his eyes. "You haven't been taking," he looked around and lowered his voice. "drugs, right?"

Jinyoung's eyes visibly widened. "What? No, of course not! It's just," he ran his hand down his face, flustered and frustrated. "I flaked out on my girlfriend."

Wonpil pursed his lips. "Again?"

Jinyoung nearly choked on his spit. "Again? What the hell do you mean again —" Wonpil shook his head. "I can take you to her apartment if you want, I know where it is."

Jinyoung always thought Wonpil was a gift sent from heaven.

"You would do that?" Jinyoung asked.

Wonpil always liked you not in that way, though, he thought you were a nice girl, an extremely warm soul with a good heart — he knew you deserved better, but he always knew that you loved Jinyoung with every fiber in your being.

"Yeah, of course."

Jinyoung didn't hesitate at all as he followed Wonpil to his car parked in the basement.

And as the car started to take off and the party's music fizzled from earshot, Jinyoung couldn't help but think, "Wait, you know where my girlfriend lives?"

Wonpil switched gears and chuckled. "Y/N's a really nice person, and a great friend."

Emphasis on friend.

Wonpil managed to get them there in under fifteen minutes. But in those less than fifteen minutes, he nearly ran over a stray cat, nearly missed another car's side mirror by an inch and ran a red light.

Jinyoung looked pale as he reached to unbuckle his seatbelt. "Hyung," he gasped. "How did you even manage to get your license, or a car for that matter?"

Wonpil merely shrugged. "I have my connections." He said. "Now go," Jinyoung nodded and wobbled got out of the car.

"Yah, I'll be down here if anything backfires!" Wonpil gave him a thumbs-up and attempted to parallel park the car.

Jinyoung races to the elevator and tries to calm his breathing, though it's no use because he's starting to panic and the cramped space of the lift isn't really helping.

There's this dread sinking into his bones that he's going to lose you. It's been only a year, but he's convinced that he only wants you.

Jinyoung feels at home with you.

Every time the sunlight pours into his room and you're sprawled out beside him, his heart warms and it's like he's going crazy as he stares at you. He wants to have this everyday, to bask in your warmth and that pretty smile of yours.

Jinyoung raps on your door four times.

You're by the kitchen, stirring your tea when he knocks. You nearly jolt out of your skin. You check the time and see that it's nearly one in the morning.

You open the door and stare in shock when you see it's Jinyoung, looking like a mess — a handsome mess.

"You look like you're about to puke, are you drunk?" Jinyoung shakes his head. "No, Wonpil drove me here." You immediately understand.

One time Wonpil had suggested he take you home after you both got some coffee together — never again, is what you tell yourself.

"Okay, I think you need to sit down," You don't hesitate to take Jinyoung inside. He always made you so soft.

You guide him to the couch, laying him down softly against satin pillows. He suddenly feels intoxicated by your touch, compelled to run his hands against your sides.

"Jagiya," You don't respond, finding interest in your fuzzy socks.

Jinyoung feels desperate. "Princess, look at me." You still don't look.

"Y/N," your head snaps up and you stare into Jinyoung's eyes with your glassy ones.

Looking at you right now, Jinyoung felt beyond guilty. How could he put you last, how could he leave you out in the cold? How did he deserve someone like you?

"Come here," And it's like his voice is a spell, bewitching you to follow everything he said.

You hesitantly sit on his lap, the material of your cotton shorts hiking up to your thighs. Jinyoung buries his head into your chest, sniffling and muttering out incoherent sorry's.

Your heart breaks even more if that's possible.

You run your digits along the softness of his dark locks, twisting and caressing his silky hair. "Jinyoung," you murmur.

Jinyoung sobs and clutches on to the fabric of your shirt. "Please don't leave me, Y/N. I know I don't deserve you — but please, I promise I will do what ever I can to give you everything you want, everything you need."

You're sobbing along with him, not caring if his tears are ruining your shirt. "Jinyoung, don't say that." You cry.

"I just really don't want to lose you," he peers up at you, and you feel like falling in love with him all over again as you stare at him.

His eyelashes are wet with his tears, and his eyes are iridescent and lustrous under the warm lighting of your living room. His lips are parted and rosy, so tempting to kiss and nip at.

"You won't, Jinyoung-ah." You reach out to stroke the supple skin of his flushed cheeks, admiring how smooth he felt underneath the pads of your fingertips.

Jinyoung brings his lips up to touch your own. His kisses are urgent, yet soft and gentle. His hands travel down to touch the small of your back, guiding you flush against him.

The material of his pants kneaded the heat between your legs, leaving you panting and whimpering, and he doesn't stop, only picking up his pace as he admires you falling apart above him.

"Jagiya," his voice has turned hoarse and slightly deeper, sparking a blue flame in you. "strip for me, please." It doesn't take much from you to do what you're told.

In a matter of seconds, you're nearly bare in front of him; the only thing acting as a barrier between you two are your panties and his slacks.

"So pretty for me," he muses.

You sigh when his lips leaves a trail of kisses on the valley between your breasts. "Only for you."

And as Jinyoung hooks his fingers on the hem of your underwear, his phone blares in his pockets. Who could be calling him at this ungodly hour?

Jinyoung gives you a look as he continues to undress you. Your hand reaches into his pocket, fishing out his phone.

"It's Wonpil?"

Jinyoung stops what he's doing and curses silently. "Shit, he's still downstairs."

You watch in amusement as Jinyoung answers the phone, a look of anticipation in his face. "Yah! Park Jinyoung, I've been waiting here for the past hour —" Jinyoung frowns at you and shifts the phone to his other ear. "I swear to God if you two are fucking up there I will —" You take the phone from Jinyoung's hand and giggle.

"Wonpil-oppa,"

The line is silent for awhile before Wonpil speaks up, his voice much softer compared to earlier.

"Y/N-ah," Jinyoung stares at you in shock. There's a twinge of bitterness that strikes his chest, pouting and crossing his arms like a child being told off.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting, oppa. But Jinyoung and I are okay now, so you can go home." You tell him, sweetly.

Wonpil nods, though you can't see him. "Yeah, alright alright."

"Thank you, Wonpil-oppa. Drive home safely, and text Jinyoung when you've arrived home." Jinyoung glares at the wall behind you, still pouting. You hand him the phone, and Jinyoung presses it against his ear. "So, you've got a soft spot for my girlfriend, huh hyung?"

You shook your head and began to unbutton Jinyoung's button-down.

"Of course, I do — I mean, what kind of person doesn't?" Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Wonpil snickers. "You should see Jinyoung PD-nim with her." You shrug innocently at Jinyoung and offer him a small smile.

"Anyways, I'm going. Take care, and I'll see you soon." The phone call ends and Jinyoung takes your hands away from his shirt.

"Jinyoung PD-nim?"

Your shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I have that effect on people."

Jinyoung chuckles and smiles knowingly. "I can attest to that."

[metanoiastudies-blog]

a (bts theory) thought

*this is ella breaking from her studyblr theme for a while because she is still high and shook over the bts bst japanese release*

wowowow. it’s late where i’m from and i am not going to wreck my head again by going back to danger and rewatch every video that they have released since. this is just a long drabble of thoughts i had after the mv (as i pretended to be smart and come up with a theory)

so, the first thing: there is the very obvious theme of the alternate universes. Jin, (whom we have speculated his entire role in the HYYH series), has his fancy binoculars whereby looking into it makes him hella wonky (like throwback to taehyung covering his eyes in bst that can be seen in the jap version from jin’s perspective wonky). my guess is that the jin in the bst k version was him looking through the binoculars (in which jin can participate and engage with the other members in the bst k version)

^ a blur screenshot but that’s tae covering jin’s eyes in the binoculars scene in the bst k version

this action is done later by yoomin (a thought to note is that jimin pulls his hands down)

in which jimin literally runs away from yoongi. (this is where is gets crazy. again) jimin looks back to yoongi, as if contemplating on whether he should leave. my guess is that jimin (who seems to be the only one that’s trying to dashi run from this parallel world that they are in), is aware that something is wrong with the world that they are currently in and is trying to escape. suga, actually wears the same outfit to in his scene with the colorful and the white jimin (so we can infer that suga is able to participate in these two worlds)

here’s where it gets hella interesting.

have you ever heard of this thing called: what happens when you meet your doppelgänger? well, the results are pretty shit, google it, it’s a thing

colorful jimin literally combusts into splinters (in this thought, it may be him being thrown in a mental mess and is forced (evicted is the more appropriate word heh) from figuring out the truth and gets physically further away from reality. As you can tell from the blobs of paint (someone pls make a gif of this scene) it may represent the bst k version, whereby most of their surroundings were of paintings, showing how jimin is literally thrown back into his world.

my guess is that suga warned colorful (excuse my lacking ability to name them better) jimin in the beginning about the consequences for trying to find his alternate self, but jimin doesn’t listen. white jimin seems pretty darn terrified about colorful jimin’s arrival and suga has to block the two of them from meeting + the fact that yoongi has to prevent their meeting means that he’s trying to protect the innocence of white jimin who was contemplating on eating the forbidden fruit (apple) like colorful jimin already had?

because yoongi was able to interact with both jimins, another guess of mine that like jin, yoongi has the ability to travel between two of these universes as an individual (in comparison to how the other kids just split per music video).

NEXT (jungkook. man this bunny is so high on drugs jesuS)

this background is suga’s room in inu. this scene implies that the namkook are placed in an alternate/secluded room whereby namjoon literally drugs his child. (implying that the two of theme were very close to the truth - but because of the weird ass colors, you can can that they still can’t decipher everything out) as you can tell, this is identical to the scene in bst k version where jungkook only takes a finger lick of it. in the j version, jungkook literally waters down the drink. the moment the boy drinks the green water, he gets further away from the truth (because the entire room becomes one neon aesthetic esq blur.)

in the scenes where everything becomes really saturated, we can safely assume that that is the drink screwing up his reality and memories from his other world. in the first scene of the video whereby jungkook is literally seen waking up from a sleep/nap/slumber, may be him waking up after attaining memories from his alternate world (which may be why the second scene of him and his purple wings may be him being aware/tainted by the devil - or something from his short film begin).

look back to the scene of monie and kookie sitting. kookie is sitting in a very submissive stances while monie is much more dominating (this may be monie trying to lie/convince otherwise that kookie’s memories are wrong/fake). it’s interesting how monie, in his individual scene does a shh, indicating to keep a secret/he knows something(?)

jungkook later pukes, in which suga appears to make sure that he’s alright (suga here, has a very different outfit from his interactions with the jimins, i can;t figure this part out - maybe it’s suga being unable to look the same to other members, scared that they may find out about his ability(?))

and here, our eomma jin, puts his fancy binoculars down, and is finally aware that he needs to interfere (or he’s going to have to take care of 6 psychotic children til 4am until they knock out or everyone is going back to their vicious cycle from inu, in this new alt dimension that has been created (meaning that tragedies are going to happen again))

i have a theory that inu is the actually reality of the world, in which the boys create many alt worlds (ie. bst) to cope with their problems - but are unable to escape or find out that they are doing so or it’ll shatter their coping mechanisms and drive them crazy (because realising the alt worlds/meeting each other means that they acknowledge their tragedies - which may be why suga tries so desperately to make the jimins not meet + im assuming the doppelganger consequence in this case would refer to them being driven to a brink of madness in their reality - which will harm them in comparison to in their alt worlds)

the reason why i think they won’t get hurt in their alternate worlds is because (in bst k version, tae literally jumps off a bar + hobi plays with a arrow + etc.)

going back to jimin (IM SORRY i know i’m jumping everywhere eek)

jimin starts/is about to puke himself (i’m assuming the apple to jimin is the green liquid alcohol thing to jungkook, what i mean to say is these two things reference their succumb to temptation) after colorful jimin starts to puke before he meets his “doppelgänger” 

*i start veering off here*

so i talked about the splinter combustion thing (i’m now certain that it’s jimin being completely tainted by the apple and is hence thrown back into the alt reality, not a result of meeting the other jimin (because it didn’t even happen, he got thrown back before he could even do so))

SHIFTING FOCUS AGAIN

let’s talk about my baby tae. the other person in the bst k version that tries to (or exposes) themselves to danger is hobi and tae (unless i’m wrong). and in the j version, hobi tries to pin a dart at tae while tae is being pinned down by jimin and kookie. (and yeah tae is not happy with being pinned/or is at least hesitant)

we can infer that tae has been hit (because he get’s a lil wonky after that) 

so to reiterate once more. the temptation symbols per member: jimin : apple kookie : green liquid tae : arrow 

tae falls into temptation (interesting to note that his symbol is a weapon of destruction) and is rescued by jin. jin apologises (the mianhae though TT) for punching the lights our of tae. in which tae sadistically grins and attacks our eomma with what we can assume is a knife + if you look at his injuries after jin bashed him, it’s the same as his injuries in stigma when he’s stuck in the cell and the puppy walks in and struts out

as i have mentioned, jin is able to interact with the two worlds, so he is thus the most aware amongst the other members about their situations. by tae falling into temptation, he succumbs to his unstable and violent ways back in inu where he kills/almost kills his father. jin’s interference from allowing tae to fall back into his vicious cycle in inu (by angering tae and letting him take out all of his frustrations and attack jin), allows tae to break free from this vicious cycle from occurring again. 

after attacking jin, tae visibly calms down (look at the precious awh)

but doing so throws him back into the cycle of inu (or in his short film stigma - a sequel to inu 19+ version). and goes through a pink curtain thing (that’s honestly just hella aesthetic). the pink curtains may represent him being lost in his current alt world. but by wandering around, he finds himself in reality as he (due to jin) is free from his alt world as seen by how he finds himself in the city scape - the concept in inu

in this screenshot, it looks like tae is at a ledge like in bst k version before he jumps off(?) the smile he gives in the j version before he finds himself outside of the pink place is similar to how tae smiles before jumping off the ledge in the k version (idk y’all)

NEXT 

the cracking thing (get moisturiser pls)

so remember those fancy binoculars jin had. and remember his face cracking at the end of bst k version? yeah keep those in mind.

this worm hole that matches the neon aesthetic in the j version, implying the boy can literally see and jump into which portals he wants. + the green sky thing? yeah that represents the green drink that kookie inhaled drank

+ those binoculars, to jin, are his methods of looking into that alt universe. however, someone shatters his ability to participate in the alt worlds as everything starts to crack - rapmon destroys it (god of destruction strikes again)

so rapmon has been hella fishy this entire video (i mean he drugged his child kookie) rapmon like always, probably knows what’s up too and very desperately attempts from people from figuring out the truth. if you come and tell me, hey those wounds are too big for breaking binoculars. no, rapmon probably didn’t break the binoculars, but most likely shattered the glass that jin was behind of, preventing jin from interfering with the alt worlds anymore.

+ my guess is that rapmon is aware, like suga, of the doppelgänger consequence. (but i’m not sure if jin is aware). but unlike suga and jin who tries to help the members, rapmon tries to harm them (so we can assume that rapmon is the devil)

the window makes jin an observer (which he has been for a while throughout the mv concepts), and by it being shattered leads to (???) consequences. the large glass window that shatters at the end is the actual life sized representation of the binoculars. (idk what this means, but hey it’s a thought) + that thing about jin’s non-existent heart, the striped sweater is gauged at the heart, which im assuming that he may have sold his heart to the devil to help the others.

NEXT

hobi. yeah i actually genuinely don’t understand hobi’s character?

i do know that him looking at the wings are important, or the fact that he tosses his pills into a bucket of water instead of fire like back in inu and run (someone pls tell me)

+ does it mean that hobi is a representation of how all of the roles in the real world and in the alt worlds were flipped(????) bc of the fire water thing dude y’all help me)

CONCLUSION (mostly because it’s 2am here and i haven’t sleep for more than 7 hours this entire week)

this marks the end of the HYYH series

the screen is very similar to their inu frames, closing off the entire event. however, them doing so allows us to think that inu -> bst was all one event simultaneously occuring/the ending marks the beginning/etc. i believe the timeline is as such:

- run - inu - bst j/k (simultaneous)

please let me know some of your other thoughts! like aforementioned, this is a thought ramble, and so some of my claims may not be true/disorganised (everything is based off my memories of the other videos and i - because it’s 2:30am now whoops, is extremely exhausted (being a senior does some shit to you man))

[socially-awkward-rip]

York Maine

long time no see! So lets see if I can catch you up on my life in 3 points

1. I went to my manz father’s wedding

       Not going to lie I was hella nervous to go because we have only been seeing each other for a short amount of time. 4 months just about and I was meeting his father, step mom, brother, 2 step sisters, and more. It all went well! I was pleasantly surprised; a few people came up to me to say how beautiful I was and how my manz should never let me go. I’m already an emotional person so when they said that I was on the brink of crying. Not to mention I was drunk; the emotions were literally on 10 the whole time. Proud to say though, I only cried once. 

2. We had a romantic room in another hotel from the other guests.

     For some reason or another there was a situation where my manz and I were staying in another hotel across the way from where everyone else was staying. When I tell you this was one of the most romantic rooms I’ve ever seen I promise Im not lying. It was a huge room with a large jacuzzi soaker tub, and to top it all off they put champagne and chocolates in the room for us. Literally so romantic I wanted to puke. Needless to say we had an amazing time! I never felt closer to someone than how I felt about my manz in that moment. 

3. We are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend

   I have thought about this for some time and I have other people weigh in but I don’t want to do something or say something because others want me to or because that is the socially acceptable thing to do. I feel like I am close to that with my manz but I want to get there organically. I felt like I wanted to say the L word to him when we were in Maine but I was scared also I was thinking it may just be the romantic area and feeling that making me want to say that. 

All in all I am happy (: still scared that he doesn’t feel the same way I think I feel about him

[universalcrisis-blog1]

What Happens When You Die? | First-Hand Cases

Nobody knows exactly what happens to you when you die. Science can observe physical symptoms of impending death, and identify when death has occurred; however it cannot see into the subjective mind of a dying person. Fortunately, although no-one has ever recovered from brain death, some have come close to the brink and have lived to tell the tale. And a few of these people have posted their experiences online, for others to learn from. Here are a few case examples of what people whom have died and come back have experienced; and hopefully these can allow us a glimpse of what happens when we cross to the other side:

So if you want to know what it's like to be that close to death, it's tempting. It's like wanting to hit the snooze button on your alarm at 7am. And maybe you do hit it once or twice but then you remember that you have work or school and that sleep can wait because you've still got shit to do.

- TheDeadManWalks

Between me going out and me waking up in the ICU there is nothing. No black void, lost loved ones, messages from the other side. Nothing. Processing it since then, I don't know if there's nothingness is comforting or terrifying.

- Hobojesse

I was unsuccessful and when I gave up and sat down still outside in the freezing weather, that was the last I remembered. The strangest thing then happened.I remembered hearing an internal voice ask "do you want to live?".The funny thing was that I was experiencing a state of nothingness like others mentioned in the thread. I was not aware of my surroundings. I did not recall what I did. I did not feel like i had a body. I really felt like i just 'existed' but with no personal or emotional attachments...

Immediately after, I woke up puking my guts out.

- Obvthrowaway788

Although I do not remember much, between the rescue workers extracting me from my car and a tree and waking up three weeks later, I do remember feeling very warm and seeing lights.

- deag_bullet

I was fading in and out and heard the scene get more and more chaotic as EMT's and cops showed up. Then everything started sounding far away and I felt like I was disappearing...

I had this montage of regrets (really cliche i know) blast through my mind. Kind of a turning point for me

- calgarykid

I remember struggling underwater and then after a while just giving up. I was okay with what was happening at that point. I think I saw a few faces in the water but it was probably a trick of the mind. Eventually everything went dark.

- Sodomy-Clown

The dying part did not hurt at all. At first I thought that was because I was really high when it happened. But no...I know now that I saw the line between life and death. It doesn't hurt to cross at all. It felt like being a kid, staying home sick from school with my dad, watching a random old movie on afternoon TV and...falling asleep. Just like that. Living is much, much harder than dying, by far.

- whatifIweresmrt

I remember fading in and out in the car. Listening to the radio, feeling the cold air on my face from the open window. Im pretty sure my mouth was hanging open but it didn't matter. I was so at peace in the car. I had accepted that this was probably it. I remember mumbling to my mother how much I loved her and thanking her.

- deaththo

As I was going back I remember closing my eyes and thinking "I guess whatever happens..." And then nothing. Just like going to sleep when you're SUPER exhausted. I felt kind of peaceful and wasn't really thinking about anything much at all and the lights just went out.

- CDC_

When I opened my eyes I saw my brother squatting on the pavement next me to. This was odd because my brother has been dead from an OD for several years. I couldn't really gather the presence of mind to speak so I just looked at him. The only other thing I remember is him glancing at his watch and saying something like "They'll be here soon" and then walking away

- Schneidah7