#im on my period and i usually dont cramp too badly

[rexscanonwife]

Urgghh.......cramps...

[familiaanteomnia]

warning: mental illness, dysphoria-body image mentions, ED type mentions, shark week ish, bottom growth/related stuff n.sfwish? depending on how you take it- also packers,etc mention (naturally it varies by verse,etc but i’m mostly sharing pretty consistent information- also dont be stupid about any of this like i stg) -his puberty got kind of messed up like he so badly despised it, plus his mental health issues and all that basically by sheer force of messed up will/chemical backfires,etc it had an reaction like how stress affects those things as in... in regards to shark week was so inconsistent, so very much to the point he has these meds he’s supposed to take that basically kick his body the rest of the way into doing the process/is supposed to make it quick, done way sooner with less pain due to effectiveness even (he obviously forgets genuinely/fights against the whole situation leading to major cramps and issues even if he isnt bleeding) will go like 3 months of risking major health damage over it. (going on t makes this all worst because doctors like ‘okay now you really need to cause now you’re having more issues’ and he just- doesn’t) -really knows way too much medical shit in general,  naturally he’s very much an ‘why does life work like this why are people so ashamed of normal stuff’ etc but also dude will balk at stuff like ‘ugh im on my period’ xav just grimacing inwardly all like why must i be reminded that’s an thing.. ha ha not me lemme repress shit as such dude will carry extras,etc but is very much trying to be an punk dudebro about it/even if is basically screaming internally about it all, trying to never think about that stuff -k.t tape binds most the time, if not just doesn’t bother cause of his body shape/type and mood+ outfit+ plans for the day. however he does own an binder, sports bras work and are more often the case. as such most the dysphoria hits in different ways, elsewhere (but with his general puberty complications/fast metabolism,etc he also just forgets he’s trans an lot like he gets hit in the crotch and falls over in pain then 10 seconds later like ha ha wait what the hell i’m not even packing) -dude is pretty slender,etc from his fast metabolism, shit eating habits (because he can eat like 5 whole pizzas and not get slightly full or bloated but also he frequently lives off like candy, energy drinks,etc vices...) though it also can vary to kinda athletic and he doesn’t seem like mega unhealthy at least lol in that department plus with what he wears,etc usually unnoticeable (he is super easy to pick up especially if unconscious even that add of dead weight is pretty light but like not easy to tackle) -totally pumps his bottom growth not even entirely in that ahem sesual way but in an genuinely helps with pain/helps with dysphoria (not that his growth is bad at all but also, it kinda helps with that too) like i mean obviously splurged too so he can just like pull some pants on, play video games or whatever as it does its thing -likewise doesn’t skimp on things like packers, has an major collection/gets lower dysphoria? dude will drop like 1000 dollars on more options even if has plenty that are high grade, expensive not even sesually though of course many purposes and he’s only an person like anybody else/plus that t juice fueling an already high libido,etc but anyways yes he sometimes prefers to be like lol glow in the dark d.ick is my packer even though i have an 3 in 1 that cost so much money and is multifunctional (also he 100% for fun, aesthetic, and boredom sometimes pierces them) -general body image issues/disconnect problems due to his mental illness more than dysphoria, being trans surprisingly more stuff like ‘oh right this is what my body is? you mean to tell me for the last 48 hours was watching myself in 3rd person but didn’t notice- oops.’ but also damn is he pretty much like i know i’m aesthetically pleasing, hot and i will flaunt it even if not quite full of myself -likewise mirrors? he makes faces at himself, flips himself off and has totally shattered an large amount of them because he started thinking too much about if his freckles are visible,etc same with reflections though isnt always super mega serious can just be to make himself giggle/habitual

[auspicixus]

DAY 18 (of the blog..?)

hoo boy i discovered some things today.

so i had to go to hospital to have my birth control changed. microgynon everyday (30mg) was just... not doing me any favours. my acne worsens, my mood severely fucking swings, and it doesnt alter my periods at all aside from the fact that i was offsetting my bleed for almost exactly a week for the whole 3 months, which meant i had BAAAAD cramps when i was "naturally" supposed to be on, and then regular cramps when i was meant on withdrawl.

in all, generally not nice. its almost like my body actively works to reject oestrogen.

i dismissed these symptoms (minus the non-relevent delayed period thing) when i was on these pills last year because i went through a very rough breakup the second week into the run. i got very depressed and never continued the pills, so i assumed my angst and depressive mood was unrelated to the pills.

upon speaking with the nurse i was given three options:

try some other pills

have an IUD

have the depo-provera injection

now, my problem with each of those was this:

i dont want to be jumping from pill to pill until i find one that works in the first three months

IUDs can be ouchie, i dont know how id handle the anesthetic (because i wouldnt be able to tell my parents and i have no way of getting home without my father knowing), also there was a 6-8 week waiting list on IUDs of any sort.

im a big squeamish baby and hate needles

i told the nurse i am trans and she said that short term (until i can begin HRT) having the injection, and long term having a Mirena coil (just before i start T, so i can stop the injection in a timely manner) is my best course of action.

ultimately, i agreed with her. id love a chance at 0 periods & no pregnancy! she explained that this injecion is usually done in the - er - backside, and asked if id ever had one there before. i said no and asked if i could have my partner in the room and lay down on the bed (since im not always good with injextions and can get woozy pretty easily).

really? honestly? why did i even bother asking!

okay, i retract that a little. laying down meant i could assure i didnt tense my arse weird from balance issues (she said most people had it while stood up!!) and cause complications.

my point is it didnt hurt. at all. you know how they always say "you'll just feel a scratch"? i literally only felt a scratch. i feel sorry for my partner, who had his hand gripped to hell while i anticipated it, all for me to only let go and respond with "oh." - it really was a "is that it???" situation.

no wonder T is often injected there!

i want to ease worries even further: i experienced no post-injection issues that werent caused by my dumb anxiety or the heat. i had the injection around 12 hours ago now, and i still feel fine.

what i went through was this:

nearly as soon as i stood up i had a little "spikey" in the back of my throat... which was an anxiety thing because as soon as i thought "this is anxiety" it went away.

i felt dizzy and sick... because i overworked my anxiety, i stood up too fast, i left the room too fast, and the temperature had rapidly risen from 19° to 26° (id also had the injection in a temperature controlled room, but the rest of the clinic, and the outside was about 5° and 10° temperature different respectively).

i was nauseous... because i got on a bus no less than 10 minutes after and sat upstairs, in the sun.

i had weak legs... because i sat on one of those slanted bus stop seats and was realistically too short for it (also because i was balancing on it weird because i didnt want to cause excessive trauma to the area by sitting on it so harshly).

what im saying is: seriously dont fret it. your anxiety (and the weather) will be your worst enemy if you have a rearside injection.

additionally, the site itself? i cant see it. i couldnt see it five minutes after, either. i couldnt even really feel it (by applying pressure) five minutes after. i didnt catch the size of the needle because of my anxiousness, but it really must have been small, or the site just healed fast because it was gone. bruising is a possibility, but i dont usually bruise that badly after arm injections/samples so i dont even think ill see any of that.

so id say, unless you plan to go around literally dragging your ass on concrete immediately after having the injection, you will be fine. i didnt even have a plaster on it. thats how you know im a big boy.

i almost cant wait to be on T, so i can brag about how it doesnt hurt like i thought. im no longer afraid.