#im on a new sleeping medication and this guy literally came to me in an insane dream and now im attached to him

[elfsyellowflowerzart]

asril the tiefling bard

(any pronouns)

[emotionlcss]

i’ve complied a LONG  list of plots that i want after digging through lots of plotting posts, so pls give this a like if you’re interested in any and i’ll message you! ( contains taboo things )

Religious girls are so fucking hot tbh. Like yeah make sure you keep that cross necklace on while you’re stretching your ass out with a plug and fucking your throat with your favorite dildo. I’m sure your God loves what he’s seeing from you 😂

ok but fuck, unhappily married corporate dude having an affair with his hot young assistant is one of my favourite trashy tropey plots someone gimme

a plot where yeah i’m dating my older brothers best friend who is also older than him and me but my brother doesn’t know and lots of sexual tension and he fingers her at the dinner table and whenever the friend sleeps over he always goes to her room and sleeps in her bed until morning until he has to get up to lay back at her brothers room to make it seem like he was there the whole night oh my god PLEASE

“i’m dating your sibling, but now i’ve met you, i’ve realized that maybe i picked the wrong sibling. but that’s not going to stop me from touching you underneath the dinner table, and screwing you in your parents bed.”

oh to be an aggressive hockey guy who gets into fights during matches and has to be patched up afterwords by the exasperated medic who has a soft spot for me who’s always telling me to be careful and sometimes we fight over my reckless attitude and maybe it gets heated one night and the medic yells “i care about you asshole!!” and i need to reevaluate our every single interaction

substitute teacher who likes giving out assignments and students hate him so much for that then one night, big brother bought a friend home and shit, it’s the substitute teacher who literally called you out for not passing your homework, and fuck, he is smirking like a total asshole.

Muse A happens to walk in on Muse B while they’re masturbating. Either Muse A offers to help after finding themselves too attracted by the sight to really turn away, or Muse B continues to work towards getting themselves off, indicating that they were masturbating with Muse A in mind.

Muse A has a friend over, who admits to having a crush on Muse A’s relative, Muse B. When Muse A confesses to having similar feelings, the two discuss the possibility of maybe coming onto Muse B with the idea of a naughty threesome in mind.

im always trash for taboo relationship plots:

- relieving him from sexual frustration with a handjob or blowjob - being his cum dump every day - fucking while hiding - riding him in the middle of the night and forcing him to cum in her - handjob in the backseat on a roadtrip - public sex outside a party - glory hole at a party or club bathroom

Also, presidents party girl daughter who has been assigned a new secret service bodyguard. He has no idea what he’s in for or the trouble she attracts. She has a problem with the word ‘no’ and he likes to say it a lot.

“it’s the middle of the night on a saturday and i’ve been thrown into holding by the cops and am i high or did i just get thrown into the same holding cell as a celebrity???” au

“while hiding from the paparazzi i ran into the first building i saw and it turns out you work here and what the fuck do you MEAN you’re closed and i have to get out, have some MERCY!” au

“i just went to one of your shows, and now an hour later you’ve tweeted about some gorgeous person you noticed in the crowd and wait why does this describe me exactly” au

this is a holy place, so you better be quiet and respectful while i screw you in the confessional booth.

I have a gigantic crush on you and you called me on the phone while I was masturbating but I picked up anyway and you caught on to what I was doing but you didn’t hang up??? Does this mean you like me??? Does this mean we’re gonna have phone sex???

I hid in your closet to scare you as a joke but when you came in you started masturbating and I can’t just get up and leave but if I get caught in your closet you’ll think I’m a pervert I regret my life choices

We’re roommates and we always look through each other’s mail and I certainly was not expecting to find a vibrator when I opened your package how much time do I have to re tape this before you get home

I bought dick popsicles as a joke but you look really hot how you’re sucking on that fuck

AGE GAP AUS

do clubs where you can wear a masquerade mask and be anonymously fucked and watched by dozens of people only exist in fanfiction or is there a membership card i can apply for

M/M PLOTS I DESPERATELY NEED:

- we’re costars working on a film (plus points for both of them playing the love interest in one of those annoying love triangles) and fell in love backstage, sneaking around each other’s trailers and whatnot - we’re on the same sports team but one of us is still in the closet, so we make out in the showers after training and vanish from parties to kiss in the car - i thought you’re dating my sister/brother but what do you mean you’re just friends and hanging around the house because you’re interested in me?? - i’m a big rock star and you’re my opening gig, and after the show we share sweaty kisses and have our own aftershow party in the tour bus you were the first boy i kissed but we never saw each other again after that party. years later we meet again and it’s like a throwback in time - i thought i was straight but there’s this cute af boy who makes me question my sexuality and turns my world upside down - bad boy turning soft for a soft boy -  *slams fist on the table* I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR NERD/JOCK DYNAMICS!

OR JUST ANYTHING HERE

[icannotgetoverbirds]

hi yeah holy fuck holy shit y'all

gotdamn this is a story for the ao3 author hall of fame. im still homeless and i promptly realized a couple of days afterwards that uh yeah no can do the whole living independently thing so im looking for a group home. in the meantime i managed to get into a decent shelter, get acchs insurance, and am working on getting a case manager.

holy fuck it's been quite the. week or so? the days have kinda been blurring together so idk. hopefully i'll get into a group home soon. i've got some family that i'm gonna try and contact in case they'd be more understanding than my parents about the whole 'being disabled' thing.

anyways that's the short version. long version under the cut

so basically bc im an exmo i've been incredibly isolated as i've tried and failed to build an entire new support system from the ground up. i had one singular friend who i could reliably talk to (i think i have two now and a few case workers so that's an improvement) and even then it was only over the phone. aside from that, i do have y'all online here, but again, i need a device in order to be able to chat with y'all.

and because my body is an absolute shitshow - in addition to my executive functioning issues - i wasn't able to get much done around the house. now, for some reason, my parents looked at me and decided that this shit is all a lack of responsibility. don't get me wrong, i couldn't exactly be responsible for much. but the key word there is couldn't, not wouldn't.

and for some reason, they look at the situation and decide, time and time again, that the best solution is punishment - by taking away my phone and internet access. not necessarily out of the ordinary for most parents, but given the circumstances, that's absolute dogshit for my mental health.

so, when i literally developed a new fuckin health issue that left me bedbound for a couple of days, my mom told me that we were going to 'have a conversation'. aka my shit was gonna get taken. again.

and that would've been it for me. isolated, in pain, sick, tired, without anybody to lean on. so i said fuck that shit, packed my stuff, and walked out.

i started off at a shelter that used to be a prison, and oh my fucking god i don't think i've ever been more pro-prison-abolition or whatever the fuck it is. like goddamn that shit's inhumane. i ended up having to take a trip to the ER because they didn't stock enough water, resulting in me becoming so dehydrated that my ribs cramped to the point of keeping me from breathing.

not long after that i spiralled a bit so i went to a crisis center where i got people that started working on my case. we determined that i'd be best off in a group home and they transferred me to a transitional facility while they got that figured out.

I get there and discover that my hip, which i thought had just popped weird, felt like it had dislocated. Thankfully, i think i just sprained it, but I was in a lot of pain that first night. Night shift came around to take vitals, I told them what was going on, and they proceeded to not only wave me off, but also one of them looked at me - as i was writhing in pain, crying, trying to keep quiet, and digging my nails into my skin to distract myself - with the look you reserve for dog shit you've just stepped in. So, you know, that was fun. Also nobody there got their medications that night. The shitshow that was nightshift there is gonna be important later.

i had tried to make friends with some of the people there that evening, and, being myself, I spoke very openly and honestly about my queerness and sexual history (or lack thereof), like a dumbass, and obliviously believed them when they said that I was one of the guys.

I later overheard them making plans to correctively rape me. Thankfully, I was on my way out to the hospital for my hip, so I notified day shift before I got into the ambulance.

I spent that night at the hospital, sleeping in a lobby chair (the hospital staff were very sympathetic to my situation, thankfully), and then called the crisis center that was attached to the transitional facility. managed to get taken into the crisis center, where i stayed for a couple of days. one of the guys who'd been making the plans ended up transferring into the same crisis unit, so that was a fuckin' blast to deal with. thankfully, the people at the crisis unit cared and did their jobs well, so i had eyes on me at all times and stayed safe.

eventually, i got sent back to the shelter i started at, then transferred back to the original crisis unit where people had been working on my case. i got some rest, got sick from eating gluten because i was so sleep deprived that i didn't care, then they got me into a much nicer shelter. i have a meeting with someone in about an hour and a half to try and get into a youth shelter, and I'm also going to attempt to contact some family members that might be more understanding and willing to help me while I pursue a group home.

I am very fucking tired, and despite everything that I've been through, I still wouldn't go back to my parents to save my life. Definitely gonna be a lot to unpack with my therapist.

o7

[jasmynekenma]

~mystery guy~

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: swearing,mention of blood

About this series will gradually update when i post new series: about Mafia Guy

You yawn waving farewell to your fellow colleagues it was a long day taking care of your patients, you look at the lastest news to keep up with the trend.

11.45 PM you were walking home in the dark alley just scrolling through your feed you lived near your job and walked here more than… uncountable times you could literally close your eyes knowing how to go home.

"awww its so cute" you cooed over the litlle puupy on your feed, "urgh". You stoped in your tracks and look up from your phone to see wheres the sound coming from the cute puppy you were cooing over long forgotten. You took little steps forward to the sound of the groans, not long after you were meet with a guy laying on the floor filled with blood,groaning. "Omg sir are you ok?, Ill take you to the hospital can you stand?" All u get was a whimper you proceed to check his wounds to see if its serious, "alright up we go to the hospital", you pushed down lightly surprised by how he could still push you with a big slash on his stomach. "No" he sure sounded fustrated probably in pain, "sir the hospital is just a few block away", "stop no i can't go there" he whispered in pain ,you were getting worried as more blood came gushing out if he doesn't get treated he might loose too much blood hes being to stubborn to go to the hospital, he was loosing strength to stay awake too all you could do was bring him home and treat him. But bring him HOME? a STRANGER HOME? No outsider ever went to your home only your parents but that was years ago man :D

"Fuck i should really exercise more" you place the injured guy on your couch and slam your lights on to get your first-aid kit. You roll his shirt revealing his deep wound and started to apply some medicine on it to disinfect bacteria (if you're a medic and things is wrong yes you're right i ain't know shit bout this im just using common sense XD ) you place a big plaster over the wound and mend other tiny scratches finally done you sigh and sat across him. Finally getting a good look at the guy you saw that he had red hair that nicely falls down to his shoulder length, he had a scar on his right eye, really broad muscles (totally not drooling over that) your eyes slowly glance lower and just dirty thoughts come rushing in "yep is my cue to go leave now" he got up and took a shower.

1.43AM Saturday

You finally got to lay on your fluffy bed and sleep off all those stressful patients, you turn off your lights and cuddled your cute teddy bear. Not even 5 mins had past you were tossing and turning you groan in fustration and sat up giving dagger eyes to who knows what in that dark ass room. You've been thinking about the stranger you brought home something about him looks familiar someone you've seen before you just can't remember who a patient? ex-colleague? school mate? Checkings a person IC wouldn't hurt right you stood up and head to the living room to see a still sleeping injured guy, you checked his pockets to find any valuables nothing just a phone and..and A FUCKING GUN, "fuck, fuck ,fuck did i brought home a serial killer, mudered what if he harm me" you mind was just going back and forth and you were still troubled by the familiar look of the man. You placed the gun and phone down to relax and not overthink. "Calm down Y/N you got to calm down just breathe in and out everything is fine.." fuck you cursed speed walking back to your room and locking the door you hid in your bed covering yourself with the blankets and decide to find out the truth the next morning and hoping your life not to end. You woke up still drained and went to the bathroom to wash up, you were brushing your teeth when you a loud thud coming from your living room remembering you had a guest in your house you grab the toilet bowl scrub as a defensive weapon tip-toeing to your living room to find your quest making a mess in the kitchen isle you didn't know what to do and just threw the toilet scrub on his head (head shot 🥵) "ow wth" the man groan and turn around to look at you "Y/N !?!"

°°°

Total words: 771

I'll be writing more for the next chapters don't worry🖤

@jasmynekenma All rights reserved.No work should be reposted,modified,translated in any form or by any means

Tags🥰: @tessabrown101

[hyukiee]

Chapter 7: Influences

warnings: heavy drug mention, cussing, if your uncomfortable with drug use i would stop reading this story NOW

at this point i’ll post when i post im sorry lol let me know if you want to be tagged though

“So do psychedelics really fry your brain?” Hoseok and Jimin have been bombarding you with question while they took a break from their practice. They really have never been around someone like you before. “Only if you do it a lot, many people do it once and never feel the need to do it again,” you will always have a soft spot for psychedelics. You’ve done them about ten times too many but you are a hippy at heart. “Hobi would actually be the most ideal person to do psychedelics, he’s very happy and open minded. I learned the hard way you really have to be in a good mindset for it.” “Wahh, that’s so cool I bet it’s a cool experience,” Jimin responded. It almost sounded like he wanted to try it, you should probably stop talking… the idea sounds fun though. Tripping with the 7 idiots. You absolutely love tripping with innocent ass people, it’s so much fun to watch but you don’t want to be a bad influence.

Psychedelics aren’t addictive though…

“How are you feeling today?” Taehyung asked hugging you tightly with his sweat covered body. “Mm, a lot better actually.” “That’s good, you look a lot better today as well.” “You really do, I thought you were dead when I saw you sleeping on the couch yesterday,” Jin piped in laughing like a window wiper. Taehyung got more and more comfortable being touchy with you around the members as time went by but it’s saying the least when you say you live with 6 cock blockers. Not even the lust inside you could keep your mind off the awful idea Jimin and Hoseok gave you. The usual you wouldn’t think twice about this but you have to admit you’ve gotten comfortable here. You don’t want to mess things up with the guys, ever. Well, maybe it could be a little secret between the three of you… No.

“So why were you so curious earlier ?” You hopped over to Hoseok’s side as he started walking out of the BigHit building. “Mm, it intrigued me, I think Jimin might actually do it someday.” He laughed shaking his head thinking about him. “Don’t you? One day..?” Hobi stopped in his tracks and looked at you. He looked up at the sky in thought before responding, “Maybe, I mean like you said, most people only ever do it once.” You felt like a terrible person right now. “I would love to do it with you, whenever you would want to… i’d be the best to be with actually.” Hobi laughed as he got into the van with you. “I’ll have to think about it.” “Really!?” Okay, maybe you shouldn’t of sounded that excited but really? “Yeah, I mean.. it’s just a one time thing,” He said giving you a small smile. “Do you think any of the other guys would want to do it?” “Oh yeah, all of them probably with a certain amount of convincing.” “REALLY!?”

Is it fucked up that you know exactly how to get the boys to do drugs with you? Maybe. Will it backlash? Probably. You already got Hoseok, Jimin will be easy, Jungkook will probably easily follow, then Hoseok could convince Namjoon and he can convince Jin and Yoongi. That leaves Taehyung. If you can manage your way into getting Taehyung to do it, your best hope would be getting everyone else on board first. You’re not really doing anything wrong, you want them to experience something awesome that shouldn’t hurt them. “Yah, y/n cut to the chase already,” Jimin teased you. You brought him and Hoseok into a room to start your mission, you were definitely stalling. “I kind of got an idea and thought it would be really cool if we all did LSD together just once,” you spoke quietly paranoid someone would walk by and hear you. “Ahh, I mean… it sounds pretty scary but i’m sure you got us covered … that actually sounds pretty fun,” Jimin basically thought out loud about your idea. Two down, five to go. “How would you get it anyways?” Hokseok asked getting a sudden realization that you are brand new to South Korea, you couldn’t of possibly found any drug dealers that fast. “Oh don’t worry, I can get that shit shipped easy,” Jimin gave you a look, silently wondering how you would know this but come on, it’s you. “By the way, how should I ask Jungkook?”

“Wah, isn’t that stuff dangerous? I mean, I don’t know what the hyung will think about it honestly,” Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck responding to the question fo the week. “Well, Jimin and Hoseok said yes,” “Really?” He responded kind of surprised, you weren’t the only one that didn’t suspect those two to be the ones to say yes. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting sober though?” He asked giving off a little suspicion. “I am, this one time won’t change that at all, don’t worry,” “Good luck convincing Tae that,” Jungkook laughed patting you on the back. You weren’t the only one that knew how impossible it will be to convince Taehyung either apparently.

The boys did you good convincing the others to get on board but now Taehyung is the only one unaware of the sceam that’s going on. If someone slips up before you get to him your screwed. He was out getting food for everyone so you were just impatiently sitting in the living room, pretending to watch TV. You kept looking at the front door before finally, your handsome man walked through the door. Yours. God, don’t fuck this up. “Hey baby, what are you watching?” He asked kissing you on your forehead before going to set the food down. “Ah, I don’t really know to be honest,” you nervously laughed. “Tae, can we talk for a bit?” You started to play with your fingers and shake your leg. “Of course, you have your doctors appointment tomorrow by the way.. for your medication,” You almost completely forgot about that. Which is kind of a good thing, drugs haven’t been the only thing on your mind recently. Maybe you should of fled the country a lot sooner. “So basically i’m scared to ask this but literally all the other guys want to do it and it’s 100% a one time thing we can all take it to our graves-“ “Y/n.. just ask,” Taehyung slightly laughed at your blushing face. “Would you want to do LSD with me and the boys, just once?” You couldn’t read his face. It’s usually really easy to read his face but right now you just can’t. “Even Namjoon hyung agreed?” He looked surprised, but not mad. “Yeah, it’s just once it could be a really awesome and spiritual thing to bring us all closer,” you spoke quietly still on edge about him getting upset with you. “Well i don’t want to be the odd one out… if you manage to get it i’ll do it,” he said patting your thigh with a slight smile. Did you just convince all of Bangtan to do LSD with you? You’ve reached a new fucking level.

“Guess who got her drugs, guess who got her drugssss,” you sang skipping into the dorm grabbing everyone’s attention. “What? The LSD or your prescription?” Jin barely made out with all the laughing. “Both actually smart one,” you smiled flicking Jin’s forhead. Today is Friday so it’d be the best time to trip with everyone. You’ve never prepared so much just to do drugs. You have all the playlists, pillows, and water prepared for today. You couldn’t sleep at all last night, you can’t remember the last time you were this excited to drop acid. “Okay, so everyone leave the living room so I can make the place a vibe because we are tripping tonight!” The smile stuck on your face almost felt like you were already tripping. “Really?” Jungkook jumped up showing his nervousness. “Yes and don’t worry, we’ll all have a talk before it happens. Now get the fuck out… respectfully,” You hopped over to Taehyung and kissed him on his cheek before pushing him away with the other guys.

“Wah, is all this really necessary?” Yoongi spoke looking into the living room. You basically made a big fort with everything they may need or want laid out nicely. The OCD deep inside you kind of kicked in but it looked fucking awesome. The boys came in one behind the other and everyone sat in a circle so you could give the whole run down of what to expect and just simply calm their nerves. You were so nervous your first time but it ended up being one of the most beautiful experiences in your life. You told them the Dos and Don’t dos as you passed out 7 colorful tabs of paper and explained what they’ll feel and for how long. “So we doing this?” you asked looking around at everyone.

“Fuck it,” Taehyung said looking at you winking. Your favorite phrase.

“Fuck ittt,” everyone repeated.

[on-stand-bi-help]

So I this are just a bunch of texts that I sent my cousin and I thought why not post it on Tumblr as well!

Please do not take this seriously this is just some really bad comedy. Hope you enjoy. (Also this does have swear words and I mean a lot of swear words so you have been warned.)

Ok I haven’t edit this at all so sorry for my grammar and sorry if this doesn’t make sense

So a new MLB episode came out and it’s a special? Idk to be honest but here are my thoughts cause I want you to watch it! So there is a fucking new intro! It reminds me of the old Barbie movies intros not gonna lie but I guess it’s kinda cool.

Ok so their flying abilities or powers or whatever look really weird and I don’t like them. Alya showing the camera back and forth gave me a headache.

Ok but Ladybugs knowing about roses and their meanings gives me fanfic vibes not gonna lie. Chat trying his best too whoo Ladybug and respecting their boundaries (which she made by the way) freaking adorable not gonna lie. Chat being flustered fuck I just realized how much I missed him. Ugh Ladybug’s soft look and as soon as she leaves Chat’s soft look fuck they are adorable omg. Ok Chat saying that he needs to give himself some flowers cause he is amazing. 100% agree 10/10 you deserve it. TREAT YO SELF!

Ugh definitely did not miss Marinette’s obsession with Adrien omg. She’s really trying to lie to tikki bro you’re with her all the time. You can’t lie to her plus she’s been alive since the beginning of the universe and you’re telling me you are honestly trying to lie to her. God damnit Marinette you are such a dumbass.

LMAO THE STUDENT FILM OH MY FUCKING GOD!! THAT’S SO FUNNY!

God damn I saw on tumblr people comparing Draco to Chloe and I’m like bro Draco is a meme and a great character. Chloe is a bitch who is so fucking annoying.

OMG THE TEACHER IS PREGNANT ALL SHE HAD TO SAY WAS I HAVE MEDICAL EXAMS AND I KNEW!!! FUCKKKK YESSSS A RED HEADED BABY!!!

Can you imagine there is a whole episode where the class has to take care of the baby (for whatever reason) and all of them freaking out cause this baby is too precious and Alya coming in and saving the day and being like guys calm down. It’s all good. Nino fucking going soft trying to help Alya as best as he can. Marinette and Adrien never doing this before so both of them are super flustered and nervous! God I WOULD LITERALLY KILL FOR THAT EPISODE NOW HOLY SHIT!!!

Ok damn Kim really ain’t holding back like chill dude. He really just told the principal that the science teacher isn’t cool. You tell that to your friends not the fucking principal. You dumbass.

LILA IS HERE FUCK!!! God not only do I have to deal with Chloe’s bullshit but Lila’s too omg. Ok idk if it’s the website that I’m watching it in but their voices sound weird and I hope it’s just the website and not the actual episode.

Marinette shut the fuck up ADRIEN WAS TALKING BITCH!!! YOU INTERRUPTED HIM!!! Lmao nice save Marinette talking about the film to distract everyone from the fact that you like Adrien. GOD DAMNIT ADRIEN’S SOFT LOOK FUCK!!! HE LOVES HER SO MUCH BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW IT YET OMG!!! GOD DAMN!!! Lmao Lila’s face! Yeah fuck you Lila! Bitchass!

So Marinette is telling everyone that she is over Adrien. Alya isn’t falling for this bullshit! Love that. Marinette, why are you lying just ask them to help you move on. Like I can see the effort but I don’t understand why you are lying about it if you aren’t completely over him. Like bruh. ALEX REALLY SAID “No kidding” to when Marinette said that she was acting crazy. YES ALEX QUEEN! CALL HER OUT! Marinette saying that she just wants to be friends with him and not in love with him. (ARE WE FINALLY GETTING THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THAT WE ALL DESERVE HOLY SHIT IM LIVING!) Nope nvm she’s still on her bullshit. Did Alya just say that if Marinette will be ok with her and Adrien going to New York together because it may be too romantic. Like Bitch YOU GUYS LIVE IN PARIS! I'M SURE SHE WILL BE FINE!

FUCK YOU GABRIEL!! DIDN’T MISS YOU AT ALL YOU FUNKY ASS BITCH!!!

BRUH ANOTHER MIRACULOUS FOR REAL!!!

DAMN! Lmao Marinette trying to look tough that’s so funny to me! Who you trying to scare bitch cause you ain’t fooling anyone. Bruh Gabriel really friendzoned Marinette for Adrien lmao! Omg I love that. Fuck. I hate Gabriel so much.

I DIDN’T KNOW KIGMA WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS EPISODE!! YAY! EW WTF DID SHE JUST KISS HIM! ARE YOU KIDDING! WAIT WHEN DID THEY GET TOGETHER!! WTF! I DON’T REMEMBER THIS!

Marinette you are so annoying. Where’s Ladybug?! SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER! HOLY SHIT IT’S LADYBUG! OK BUT THAT SCENERY LOOKS SO ROMANTIC! Wait yeah both of them are going to New York like who is going to protect the city?! Oh shit nvm I’m a dumbass hawk moth is going too. Lmao! I’m an idiot! Ok BUT THAT WEIRD BUTTON THING IS ADORABLE OMG!!! AWWW! LIKE WTF!! I WANT ONE! BRUH HOW CAN SHE NOT LIKE CHAT NOIR WTF IS WRONG WITH HER!!! GODAMNIT!

Gabriel really said Surprise bitch to Adrien lmao. Damn poor Gorilla. I can’t believe he still doesn’t have a fucking name godamnit. Lmao I love plagg. Ew god damnit fuck you GABRIEL!

OMG LUKAAAAA! Marinette fucking date him already wtf. He is literally biking your stupid ass to catch up to the bus. GOD LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Marinette you always fucking ruin the moment fuck you. Fuck you. AGAIN LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Luka honey no don’t look at her like that you deserve better. Flashback to the perks of being a wallflower quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve” FUCK YOU BRAIN WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THIS!!

ALYA IS A TRUE FRIEND!!! Bro my friends would be laughing their ass off and making funny faces at the window instead of asking the teachers to stop the bus. HE WAS CARRYING HER SUITCASE TOO OMG! BRO LUKA HAS SOME STRONG ASS LEGS LIKE DAMN!!! Luka then says, “You know what’s important Marinette, that this trip gives you some clarity.” PLEASE GOD THAT SHE FALLS FOR CAT NOIR!!! PLEASE THAT SHE STARTS LIKING HIM!!! PLEASE! BITCH WHY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK OMG WHY?! He likes you and you decide to kiss him on the cheek. Bro you are just making him fall for you more. Goddammit you are an idiot.

Bruh one look at Adrien and she becomes a tomato god damn. Am I being hard on Marinette cause she reminds me of me. NO WTF!!! Shut up! (At least I’m not a stalker or someone who gets obsessed with my crush in obnoxious ways.)

FUCK YOU CHLOE WE DIDNT WANT YOU TO COME YOU STUPID HOEEE!!!

I JUST REALIZED THIS IS A MOVIE!!! 12 minutes in and I just realized this is a movie. I AM AN IDIOT!!! God I’m so dumb lol. Ok this animation not gonna lie is kinda good.

He really yelled at Marinette in front of everybody in a plane huh. That’s so funny. Also he sounded like such a jock like wtf was that. Lmao Alya and Nino just looking at them like yessss our ship!!! (Alya and Nino are such a mood) This movie is literally like a fucking fan fiction. Adrien, “Oh yeah you’re sitting next to me!” Marinette fucking panicking. Omg this is literally a fanfic. I can’t! I love this omg. I LOVE ALYA SO MUCH OMG!!! Did Marinette just call Adrien her husband. YOU’RE LIKE 14 SHUT UP!!! PLEASE!!! How can you confuse husband with friend. Ok this just confirms that Marinette constantly daydreams to herself and tells herself that Adrien is her husband. Girl, GIRL YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM VERY WELL. SHE’S NOT EVEN IN LOVE SHE’S JUST FASCINATED WITH THE IDEA OF HIM. Ugh this is why I don’t like the idea of Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Adrien being together. Like she barely knows him and she counts that as love. Jesus. Lmao Gorilla has and will always ship Marinette and Adrien together. You can not change my mind.

Brooo if Marinette had a penis she would definitely have gotten a boner when Adrien fell on her. WHY IS MARINETTE LIKE THIS?! (Ok yes if my crush not that I have one but if I did I would probably do all the shit she is doing but I wouldn’t run away I would fucking just be in shock and freeze. Probably idk. THIS IS GIVING ME TO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ACT NORMAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.) Did Alya just say that “New York is the most romantic place in the world!” AGAIN YOU LIVE IN PARIS!!! OH SHIT NVM. I paused it too soon. She continues by saying, “After Paris obviously.” Ok my bad. Ok are we talking about the same New York cause New York isn’t that romantic. Then again what do I know. Marinette FUCK YOU!!! YOU COULD HAVE SAT WITH ADRIEN AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FUCKING PRINCIPLE. Lmao this is giving me fucking Spider-Man Far From Home flashbacks. Bro Adrien looks so disappointed. FUCK YOU MARINETTE! Bro gorilla is such a mood. Putting a 10 for both having a fear of flying and for needing relaxation. Wait why doesn’t he have eyebrows? I just realized that. I mean I knew but like I didn’t realize idk if that makes sense.

Dude the principal sleeping on Marinette THAT HAPPENED IN FAR FROM HOME!!! Wait a damn minute in Far From Home Peter lives in New York and goes somewhere in Europe (I forgot where) AND MARINETTE LIVES IN FRANCE AND SHE GOES TO NEW YORK!!! Not only that but these are both superhero movies and they are both in love with someone except here Marinette is trying to get over Adrien while Peter Parker was trying to win over MJ. OK SOMEONE ON THE CREATIVE TEAM LITERALLY WATCHED FAR FROM HOME AND SAID YES LET’S DO THIS BUT THE OPPOSITE. I CAN’T THIS IS SO FUNNY!

AWWWW Alya and Nino sleeping on each other IS EVERYTHING!!! I SHIP THEM SO MUCH!!! IVAN AND MYLENE TOO!!! THEY REALLY WANT TO KILL ME HUH!? WAIT ROSE AND JUELKA FUCK YESSS THE GAYS ARE WINNING!!! MY MULTISHIPPER HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH POWER ALL IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Dude I literally thought she said shit for a second I WAS LIKE WHAT?! But she said shoot. I really hope that’s not toilet water on her shirt. MARINETTE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN? OR TOILET PAPER ON YOUR HAIR?! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THERE?!

Awww the sunset is so pretty. And Adrien is going to come in 3 2 1. Right on time. Adrien, “It's beautiful isn’t it?” I’m expecting Marinette to say, “Yeah but so are you.” and immediately regretting afterwards. Nvm she trips on him instead. Should have seen that coming. Ok now they are looking out the window again. This frame would be so cute if she didn’t have that stupid Toilet paper in her hair. Bruh Adrien just stands next to her and doesn’t even mention the Toilet paper on her hair. Adrien be like, “Yup just me and my fashionista friend Marinette looking at the window. Oh she has a piece of toilet paper in her hair. Damn must be a new trend I don’t know about. That’s kinda sus cause I am a model but whatever she knows more about fashion then I do so it’s all good.” (Not an actual quote.) Damn Alya and Nino ship them so much. Ok but what a mood!

Adrien says, “You're always willing to take a chance on something or someone even when no one else is.” Yeah bruh it’s because she is ladybug, I mean come on how do you not realize. Adrien really smirked at her whole shit! Adrien continues by saying, “You got something Marinette.” Marinette asks, “Something?” WAIT HOLD UP ISN’T HE DATING KAGAMI!!! WAIT IS MARINETTE A HOMEWRECKER!!! I’m kidding. Ok not really. Wait is Adrien a cheater like what?! Adrien continues by saying, “Yeah there in your hair.” He grabs the fucking piece of toilet paper. I LITERALLY FORGOT IT WAS THERE AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING!!! GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!

Alya is a mood, “I can’t decide if they are the cutest people I know or the most embarrassing.” Literally me whenever I watch Miraculous ladybug. Also this literally sounds like something fanfic Alya would say. Not canon Alya. But I really love how they let Alya say that. Good call team! Omg Nino continues with, “Yeah I love Adrien but he is like a baby chick that just started cracking out of his egg he has a hard time understanding the signals people send them.” THIS LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE A FANFIC AND I LOVE IT!!! OMG!!! I LOVE OPERATION NEW YORK OMG!!! YESSSSSSSS!!! ALYA AND NINO ARE LITERALLY OUR SAVIORS!!! GOD DAMN I LOVE THEM!!! ADRIEN HUGGED HER AWWWWW!!! I LOVE HIM!

THERE’S ANOTHER SUPER VILLAIN WTF!!! He really wants to kill the people huh. I mean he must be pure evil cause he literally is tearing the airplane apart. He really said: There's tons of people in this airplane huh. Welp I really need this technology so I guess they have to die!

DUDE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL? I can’t tell if she is a robot or a superhero! MAYBE BOTH!!! ALYA IS SUCH A SUPERHERO NERD I LOVE HER!!! OK this other girl superhero is literally captain marvel. She’s not Majestia (idk if that’s how you spell it) nah she’s captain marvel. LMAO WHEN CAPTAIN MARVEL MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE MLB MOVIE AND DOESN’T HAVE THE AUDACITY TO HELP OUT PETER PARKER IN HIS FIELD TRIP!! DAMN!!! SHE REALLY SAID FUCK YOU PETER! MLB FANDOM NEEDS ME MORE THAT YOU DO!! LIKE GURL PETER IS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN CAUSE HIS 3rd father figure died!!! Then again she is saving an airplane fool of people but I’m sure you could have made a quick stop to give Peter some advice but whatever.

God I hate the principal.

CAPTAIN MARVEL REALLY SAID I HAVE TO SAVE MY ROBOT WIFE FROM THAT BOMB!! And she fucking blew the bomb away from her face. DUDE THERE IS SO MANY NEW SUPERHEROES HOLY CRAP!!! Ok including the Captain Marvel and the robot there’s 2 more but that’s more than Paris soooooo. WAIT CAPTAIN MARVEL JUST CALLED HER ROBOT DARLING!!! I was joking, I didn’t think they were together. OK I SHIP IT! Captain Marvel, “Are you alright darling?” (Giving me Spinderella and Netasha vibes not gonna lie) STOPPED IT TOO SOON!!! ROBOT JUST CALLED CAPTAIN MARVEL HER MOTHER!!! ABORT ABORT SHIP!!! I regret making all the comments that I just have made. So ignore them. I no longer ship them. Aw they have such a quote MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP!!! They are hugging each other. Adorable.

Bruh Adrien and Marinette are talking openly to plagg and tikki like could you guys be more obvious. Like shut up.

So apparently there’s a superhero for everything in USA. Um I wish if there was USA wouldn’t be as shitty as it is now.

I love Nino and Alya, that's all I’m going to say.

Also the superheros have a code word for the French students and it’s literally ‘the little croissants’ I LOVE THAT OMG!!! WHO CAME UP WITH THAT CODE CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!”

Ok turns out Robot girl can actually turn into a regular girl. SO THAT’S COOL!

How is it possible that Adrien and Marinette can’t figure out how the doors work like what?! Ok why the fuck is Adrien constantly catching Marinette every time she falls. Like he isn’t even close to her and he fucking races and catches her. Right he obviously doesn’t like her. Yup I definitely believe that bullshit.

Lmao the robot girl took one look at dumbass Marinette and stupidass Adrien and said, “Those 2 are made for each other.” That’s so funny. Ok robot girl is friends with a girl that has some weird ass earrings (dare I say lesbian). And they both are in school so I’m pretty sure they are the same age. SO I SHIP THEM!!! Grumpy girlfriend and super happy robot girlfriend. ADORABLE!

Lmao they are already going to a party bruh. They just got off of a plane and they almost died. And you’re telling me that they aren’t slightly jet lagged or even a little tired. Bruh come on.

DAMN SABRINA IS GONNA GET A LOVE INTEREST OKKKKKKKK!!! He literally winked at her and she went bright red. DAMN GURL GET IT!!! CHLOE FUCK OFF!!! SABRINA IS GONNA GO FLIRT WITH THE GUY AND NOT BE YOUR STUPID ASSISTANT!!! FUCK YOU!!! GOD DAMNIT CHLOE, SABRINA, MARINETTE AND ALYA ARE ROOMATES BRUHHHHH!!! (And they were roommates- OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES NOT NOW BRAIN PLEASE)

Bro the teacher looks at the hallway and nods cause she notices that all the lights are off in the room and no one is talking and she leaves. And immediately all the doors open and everyone is sneaking off to the party. BROOO THIS REMINDS ME OF NHI LOL!!! So the teacher suddenly pops out and asks what’s that noise and they all go into different rooms. The teacher doesn’t notice. And of course Marinette goes into the room with Adrien but on accident, and for a second I thought she was touching his pee pee but no she was just touching his lower stomach lol. They both look at each other and Marinette gets flustered and Adrien smiles softly at her. And she immediately gets away from him and they end up in the same room as ROBOT GIRL AND HER LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND!!! Robot girl is shipping them so hard while her girlfriend is glaring at them.

HER GIRLFRIEND CAN PLAY GUITAR YESSSSS!!!

SABRINA GO TO THE PARTY PLEASE!!! DITCH CHLOE!!! FLIRT WITH THE AMERICAN!!! THE AMERICAN IS FUCKING STANDING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!!! WAITING FOR HER OMG!!! He takes her hand AND TAKES HER TO THE ROOF PARTY!!! FUCK I SHIP THEM SO HARD!!!

Omg the dialogue in this movie is fucking amazing. Marinette says, “Is it a bird?” Adrien, “Is it a plane?” Sabrina’s soon to be boyfriend, “No IT’S HOT DOG DAN!” Like bitch why is the hot dog cart flying like wtf?! Dude is this how French people see Americans because you know what?! THAT SOUNDS about right. If USA ever gets superhero’s we PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A SUPERHERO WHO SERVES FUCKING HOT DOGS!!! Damn this movie is pretty fucking realistic. The Americans are fucking thirsty for some hot dogs they literally run over Adrien and Marinette like damn ok yes a lot of Americans like hot dogs but we aren’t animals. Turns out the hot dogs are magical. ROSE LITERALLY GOT SUPER STRENGTH AND WAS ABLE TO LIFT UP IVAN!!! QUEEN!!! AW Sabrina got long ass hair like Rapunzel but it’s brown for some reason.

There’s 2 hot dogs left and Nino take initiative and pays for the hot dog and says, “Not a problem. My girl and I can have one and you 2 can have the other.” Damn this really is a fanfic huh. Then again I doubt a fanfic would have them sharing a fucking magical hot dog. Lol! This movie is nuts. They ate the hot dogs (nvm they took a bite of the hotdog and they dropped it on the floor) and they started floating. They grab hands and they are trying not to freak out.

Meanwhile ALYA AND NINO ALL THE FUCKING GET IS THESE HIGH PITCHED VOICES LIKE BRUH. Also Nino ships them so much omg! BRUH HOT DOG DAN EVEN SHIPS THEM! I mean he doesn’t say anything he just looks at them and smiles.

Omg Alya asked Robot’s girlfriend to set the mood with a song! And Robot’s girlfriend is like yeah sure thing. This movie is surreal.

THE SONG IS LITERALLY THE SONG THAT THEY DANCED TOO AT CHLOE’S PARTY OMG!!! I can’t believe I remembered that.

Bruh Adrien literally just repeated what I typed. HE JUST ASKED MARINETTE IF SHE COULD DANCE WITH HIM!!! They are floating and the moon is shining bright on them (Nice job Yue; setting the scene for us I see) and he extends his hand. She starts floating backwards cause she’s freaking out (What a surprise 😒). He grabs her hand and brings her closer to him. WHAT FANFIC AUTHOR WAS ABLE TO GET A FUCKING HIGH BUDGET TO MAKE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE THIS DOESNT FEEL LIKE AN MLB EPISODE!!!

ALSO Marinette is looking at Adrien in a way that makes her look like a Tim burton cartoon character lol. SHE FINALLY GIVES IN AND DANCES WITH HIM IN FRONT OF THE MOON!!! (They aren’t even dancing to be honest they are literally just hugging each other really closely and spinning) BUT ITS ADORABLE SO I FORGIVE THEM!

Lmao they zoom out of the roof party and you just see in the fucking corner Kim and some other dude having a push-up contest. They showed that in the beginning when Alya, Nino, Marinette and Adrien were entering the party. I just wasn’t expecting that in this whole time Kim and the other guy still continued the push-up contest omg. (This is the first 29 minutes and my hand is tired sooo I’m not gonna write anymore)

If anyone wants me to continue I will but I doubt anybody is going to see this post so yeah! Anyway if someone actually read this PROPS TO YOU DUDE!!! HOPE I DIDNT WASTE YOUR TIME!!! HAVE A GOOD YEAR!!!

Edit: I think Robot girl and girl with weird earrings are sisters soooooo I don’t ship them anymore. (I’m honestly really confused are they siblings or not?!)

[sunflowersunshinevol6]

My Way

Chapter Two

Warnings: mentions of violence, phobia, mentions of child neglect, mentions of substance abuse, kidnapping

Harry pulled off onto a dirt road, the sky was crimson and orange as the sun went down. It had been three days since the gas station, three days of constant driving. And while she had managed to grasp sleep here and there, Harry drove on. She didn't know how he stayed awake, but he had managed.

Clara felt her anxieties clawing at her, ready to drag her beneath the surface, she was filthy, her hair, oily and greasy, it smelled like sweat. Her teeth hadn't been brushed and she could feel the germs, literally smell the overall, overwhelming stench of her body. She was disgusting.

Harry parked in a wooded area, back away from the road. Clara looked at him wearily as he unbuckled and hopped out of the van. She watched him trudge around to her door and throw it open.

“Get out. Come on.” Clara fumbled with her seat belt, moving as quickly as she could, but not quick enough for him. He grabbed her hand and yanked her from the seat, she stumbled, but he caught her with ease, setting her steady on her feet.

“Y-you said you wouldn't hurt me.” Clara whimpered. She backed away, as he opened the back sliding door. He hopped up into the van, turning to look at her.

"No. We're gonna sleep. C’mere.” He knelt, extending his hands out. Clara peaked around him to see a dirty old mattress covered in rumpled blankets and sheets. A tingling sensation made it's way up her spine, as her anxiety wrapped it's ugly hands around her throat. She began to hyperventilate.

“Clara?” Harry asked, concern lacing his words. He jumped down and came to her. Unsure of what else to do, he took her hands in his. His nails were dirty. She screams internally, unused to touch by others. “Clara look at me. Breathe. What's wrong?” he placed a hand on her cheek, making her stomach lurch. She couldn't shake it off. “Look at me.” He said again, she tilted her head to look at his face. He was breathing in an exaggerated fashion, trying to help her. And as cheesy as she always thought that was, she found it endearing now.

They hadn't been this close before, and as she tried to slow down her breathing she studied him. Really studied him for the first time.

He didn't have his cap on and she saw he had thick brown,curly hair, it fell down over his eyebrows and curled below his ears. freckles on his face seemed to dance in the fading sunlight. Tattoos covering his neck in black ink, down his chest and over his arms. She wondered just how many he had. as her breathing steadied, she stared at him in awe. He was kinda…..beautiful.

“You ok?” he asked, stepping back, giving her her space again. She shook her head.

“I can't sleep on that.” She mumbled, blush rising to her cheeks.

“what?” he glanced back, “why not?”

“Germs. A-and…..”

“And?”

“I've never slept with a man before….” He raised an eyebrow, she didn't explain what she meant.

“Okay,” he said annoyed, dragging a hand over his face. “you're like, the worst hostage ever,” he chuckled.

“I'm still a hostage?”

“What else would you be?” She shrugged.

“I don't know…..just doesn't feel like a hostage situation anymore.” It hadn't since the first day. They spent hours at a time cooped up together in the car. They weren't friends, but they weren't enemies either. It was a weird in between.

“Let's get something straight.” Harry stepped back up to her, he crowded her space, making her feel small. “You're not free. Not yet. My family says you can go I'll take you home. You try to run, and I will hurt you Clara,” his voice was low, his eyes serious, “and don't get me wrong. You're all right. You seem like a good kid. So don't give me a reason to hurt you. I don't want to.”

“I-Im sorry,” she whimpered. “I guess I got used to-”

“Don't get used to me. This situation is temporary. You'll be back in your cushy old life soon enough.” He turned, slamming the van door shut. “Get in.” He was in a bad mood.

“Where are we going?”

“The laundromat.”

--------------------------

The ride is quiet. Clara can feel the tension rolling off of Harry. She didn't know what exactly set him off, maybe her anxiety about germs? Whatever it was, she couldn't blame him. She knew she was a handful.

The parking lot is empty, save for Harry's van and one other car, a little further down the way. The fluorescent bright lights shine brightly from within the building. Harry reaches behind his seat, pulling two baseball caps out, and hands one to Clara.

“Put this on. Keep your head down and don't tell anyone who you are.

Understand?” She nodded. He tugged the cap over his head and opened the door. Clara followed suit, watching him yank open the rear door and start pulling out the blankets and sheets. He stopped, looking over his shoulder. “You gonna help?” he asked.

As much as she didn't want to make him mad, she couldn't do it, “no.” She said quietly.  Harry just huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Such a fucking princess.” The words stung. There were a thousand other reasons she should be crying at this moment in time, but instead she's hurt and on the verge of tears cuz he thinks she's some spoiled brat. “Can you at least open the door for me?” She turns without a word to hold the door for him

It's quiet, except for the machines and a tv that's playing the news. Great. Clara thought. She went to the bathroom and grabbed some paper towels, taking them with her towards the table she had first seen, while Harry loads the blankets and sheets. She wiped down the table meticulously, making sure to catch, what looked like a soda stain, that had been left there.

Harry fell into the chair across from her. She could tell he was completely exhausted, and this made her feel bad. Why couldn't she be normal? That was all she wanted. Nothing else. Just to be normal, and not have people look at her like she was a freak.

“Mysophobia.” Clara said suddenly. Harry grunted, his eyes were closed, head in hand, but he acknowledged her.

“What's that?” he asked.

“Fear of germs basically….When I was a kid my dad died, and my mom started abusing pain medication as a way to cope. Instead of taking care of me she laid on the couch a lot or in bed, high as a kite. The house was always dirty, flies and gnats were everywhere and mice poop was all over the place too. It was really dirty and disgusting.” She takes a quick glance to see Harry looking at her with tired eyes. “The school reported my mom to children services, I got taken away while she went to rehab. I stayed with my best friend and his family for a little while. Until my mom got better….That’s when she met Marcus, he's a great guy, and he really helped her. By that time I had already started going to therapy for my anxieties and he was very supportive. He’s a good guy. I kept everything under control until my senior year of high school….” She trailed off, lost in thought, no longer caring if he was paying attention. She just needed to tell someone. Someone other than her psychobabble shrink. “I’d never been in a relationship, so when I met Leah I really fell for her. Hard….I had always considered myself straight, until I met her, she changed everything for me, and we loved each other a lot. She helped me tell my mom I was Bi. She didn't care that I was a clean freak. She saw me for me and she loved every bit of me.” Clara smiled, thinking of her former girlfriend fondly. Leah had been so beautiful, and strong and brave, everything she wasn't. “She brought something out of me, I didn't even know was there, she helped me become outgoing and confident. I felt like I could conquer the world, with her by my side….but then...Alex Collins came to our school.” She closed her eyes and shuddered, even his name still gave her chills. “He latched onto me right away, and had tried very hard to get me to break up with Leah to be with him. He started stalking me and wouldn't leave either of us alone...he didn't stop, it continued all the way up through senior year,” Clara felt a lump in her throat, it was growing, and she had to blink back her tears, “he killed her. He killed Leah. Shot her right in front of everybody.” She couldn't keep the tears from falling now. “he just walked up as we were entering the school, put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger….I….I was standing right next to her, her blood was all over everywhere. And he looked me in the eyes and said ‘you did this. This is your fault.’....he still hasn't been caught. He's been on the run for two years. And I….i've been even more messed up, ever since….”  Clara finished quickly, not sure if he was even listening anymore. Just to be able to talk made her feel a new sense of relief.

“Why are you telling me this?” Harry's voice isn't annoyed or angry. There is sympathy layered beneath his words, so Clara looked up. Harry's face was blank, he stared at his hands in his lap.

“I just didn't want you to really believe I'm a spoiled Princess….Im the furthest thing from it.”

“My opinion shouldn't matter to you.”

“But you're the only one in a hundred mile radius I know. So it does.”

“Jesus Clara, you don't know me.” She flinched at the way he snapped. I am your captor,” he whispered the word. “This isn't a vacation. I'm not your friend and I don't need to hear your life story.”

“B-but I thought-”

“Whatever you thought is wrong. Look,” he leaned forward. “I'll do what I can to to keep my family from killing you, but whatever they decide I have to do. And as fucked up as your life has been you couldn't handle mine for a minute, You don't have the stomach for it. This isn't destiny or fate it's a temporary crossing of paths. So don't trust me. Don't get used to me. Just don't. Just keep your head down and mouth shut.” Clara was on the verge of tears again.

“But the sheets-”

“If washing some fucking sheets, keeps you compliant I'll do it. Nothing more.” He stood, wiping his hands on his pants. “Don't mistake me for a good guy. I'm not.” Clara sniffed, unable to stop the tears. Harry sighed, annoyance subsiding, he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm going to the bathroom. Don't move.”

Clara sat in stunned silence for a moment, truly processing the last three days for the first time. Harry was only being nice to keep her docile. Keep her from trying to run or find help. He only conversed with her in the van when she initiated conversation, meaning he really didn't care, probably didn't even like her as a person. She must be one fucked up girl if even an admitted serial killer didn't like her.

She looked towards the bathroom, if she was that much of an inconvenience to him she would just leave then. She flung the hat off her head and walked to the door without a second thought about it.

She had no idea where she was. It was dark out now, the sun long gone and a cool wind was blowing, leaving goose bumps on her arms. She shivered slightly, taking a deep breath and trying not to panic.

“Okay,” she muttered, “Look for help. A police man, mom with kids, anybody.” She scanned the street to see it mostly empty, most people were inside the shops and restaurants, escaping the first chills of autumn. Clara decided to walk towards a Subway down the road, passing by the same alley of the laundromat and the building beside it.

“Hello pretty.” before she could even get halfway down the sidewalk, arms burst forward from the dark alley, one dirty, smelly hand clamped over her mouth, the other wrapped around her waist, dragging her further back into the darkness. “You're mine,” a ragged voice chuckled against her ear. Clara gagged as alcohol and cigarette breath wafted into her face. Panic seized her as she was drug further into the darkness of the alley.

[mojavehearts]

Fallout 4 Companions react to Strong having a crush on Sole

(REQUESTED!!) (im cackling like a maniac already) 

(I know I used this before but...This IS Sole and Strong)

some are them realising it and some are helping him come to the realisation  (some of the reacts even work together as one!)

Cait: 

Cait watched as Strong stomped back and forth in front of Soles house in Sanctuary, at 4 am, on a Sunday. ‘’Oi buddy! can ya quit yer stompin?’’ she whispers out angrily, putting out her cigarette onto the side of one of the small shacks sole built Strong grumbles under his breath which makes Cait come striding up ‘’what is your problem?!’’ she was trying her best to whisper at least ‘’Strong doesn’t know!’’ he roars back she covers her ears and sighs ‘’Listen big guy, people are tryin to sleep and they cant with you stompin around’’ Strong grumbles again and points at soles door ‘’Strong cant be without master’’ ‘’what you like a lost puppy or somethin’? yer supposed to be a big mean ol’ supermutant’’ Cait scoffs, now leaning against soles house ‘’NO Strong does not want to be, without master near him, makes Strong MAD!’’ Cait’s eyes widen and she backs away slowly ‘’good lord, you better talk to MacCready about that...’’

Curie:

‘’Ah monsieur Strong!’‘ Curie waves strong over in a chirpy tune ‘‘How have our experiments gone so far? any pain? some memories? violent tendencies more than usual?’‘ Curie had gotten some data from some ‘hospital’ of sorts from New Vegas and was testing the medication in does on Strong so far nothing was different of course Strong was already more ‘Put Together’ compared to many supermutants and it had been a very small dose, ‘‘No strong want stop, making head fuzzy! weak!’‘ Curie nods and checks her chart ‘‘When does this usually happen or is it all the time?’‘ Strong stomps his feet slightly ‘‘If Strong is near master it becomes fuzzy! want to stop! need to be strong and protect Master’‘ Curie stops writing down in her notes and freezes ‘‘Oh Mon dieu’‘ 

Codsworth:

Codsworth is what he calls ‘Smart for an old bot’ he knew from the get go, hes still full of old world ideals so he isn't to keen on it, considering supermutants are known as violent brutes as well, but he warmed up to Strong (well as much as one possibly could if they weren’t sole) and it became quite entertaining for him to watch over a cup of tea and a nice book (he makes the tea for show, sadly he cant drink it) as strong ‘somehow’ gets red when with Sole, it really makes Codsworth rethink many things

Danse:

Danse...Isn’t exactly a fan of supermutants in general, that's just the way he’s  wired (haha get it...Ill go)

Strong would always try to size Danse up, whenever he would talk to Sole Strong would be there, either watching intensely with a violent glare or just interrupting whatever he could, so he went up to him and asked what his problem was, guessing it was because he used to be brotherhood and also because...Danse obviously wasn't a fan of him. Strong just stares him down and points a thick green finger to Danse’s chest poking it into him slightly ‘’Sole needs real man, not metal man’’ and walked off leaving Danse to be (the gif above)

Dogmeat:

You know that thing dogs do when they cover their eyes with their paws and or ears as well?...Yeah just that

Deacon:

One word nine letters  Terrified 

Deacon thought it was kinda cute at first when he would watch strong follow Sole around, in that scary sort of way...in that way where little girls sing ring around the rosy or your child stands beside your bed in the middle of the night and says nothing, but then he noticed things...different things, like how he would rarely let anyone else around Sole, and that one time where they went to the third rail and that person tried to hit on sole and he chucked a tantrum and set the third rail on fire and- OH MY GOD 

Piper:

Piper was making her usual rounds around Diamond City, trying to question whoever she could about her new piece ‘’Mirelurks and their MireQuirks’’ when suddenly she saw strong browsing the general supplies store she was confused why he was here alone, things may have changed since Sole came into play but he might still get given a hard time, he scratches his chin and Piper moves closer to greet him ‘’Master friend, Strong need gift for Master, Master gave Strong milk of human kindness’’ Piper thought this was very normal in fact and did help him pick out something, but then he turned to her and said ‘’How do humans show ‘E fec tion’ ‘’ and she froze ‘’Oh wow buddy i’m not the one for that um...Maybe Nicky can help he was married once well- when he was- when he wasn't- wait was he him- yes of course- um - but its- well-’’ Strong had enough of her blubbering and scoffs already walking off to see valentine, Soles gift in hand. Piper breathes out and then in deeply but then starts laughing softly, it was kind of cute really, but she didn’t think Supermutants could feel ..Love?, Piper had already found a new, and better article idea. SCORE

Preston:

Preston sighs softly, wiping the sweat away from under his hat, taking it off to fan himself with it he noticed the ground rumbling slightly beneath him ‘’Strong that you?’’ Preston turns to the direction of the rumbles and places his hat back on, sure enough he was met with big green mean fighting machine, strong. ‘’You know master, what does master like, besides blood and fighting’’ Preston purses his lips in slight confusion an audible ‘huh’ leaving his throat ‘’Strong want say sorry for Third Rail on fire, Mack Ree Dee says I should show sorry with actions’’ Preston scratches the side of his face and stares at the ground for a minute ‘’why don't you go to diamond city? check out the stuff there I’m sure they would like anything from the surplus store’’ Strong grunts in agreement and stomps away again behind Strong stood MacCready with a tilted head and raised eyebrows Preston looks at him completely confused until MacCready takes his two fingers and draws a heart, Preston stands there dumbfounded his gun falling from his hands

Valentine:

It was a slow day for nick, seemed not many people needed help nowadays guess he had Sole to thank for this time off, but he was getting a bit restless with all this sitting around waiting for something, he felt kind of bad for wishing for things to happen but he was sick of the small ‘Lost my cat’ or ‘forgot where my nuka-cola truck was’ and sick of the fact all of those were deacon in different wigs, so when his door opened he was pretty excited he turns his head up quickly and is met with strong slowly trying to squeeze into the door, he struggled for a few minutes before sitting down, and then breaking the chair, but he still sat in place on top of the broken chair on the floor, nick chuckles and rubs at his temples why was the world against him ‘’Strong, great to see you...What do you need?’’ strong was quick to speak ‘’Paper send me but before that pwes ton and then before that mac ree dee and then before him irish lady, and now im here help strong now metal man!’’ nick rubs the lower part of his face and sighs ‘’so...Paper? sent you specifically?’’ strong nods with a grumble ‘’Alright..tell me what you need’’ it was better than seeing deacon in a long blonde wig talking in a high pitch voice about his cheating husband for 5 hours ‘’Strong been told to come to you because you were married and I need to know E fec tion’’ Nicks eyes widen slightly, the pupils whirrling vibrantly this had to be one of deacons tricks ‘’Affection? for whom’’ Strong slams a big green fist on the desk, breaking it, nick pretends the desk is still there for sanity sake and rests his arms in midair ‘’For Master! who else would be good enough for E fec tion’’ Nick could die at that moment ‘’Alright Deacon you can come out now’’ Strong roars angrily ‘’Bald man at settlement!’’ oh god so this was...Serious, nick takes a looooonnngggggg drag of a cigarette and sighs ‘’Alright...ill help ya’’

X6-88:

(petition for me to just use Raymond Holt gifs for X6 considering they are basically,,The same person like the personalities are spot on omg)

All of the companions where sharing their opinions/outlooks on Strongs growing affections on sole/if Sole would return them and all that, Hancock threw in a few sexual jokes (making everyone groan in different tones) while everyone else already knew X6 did not, and he found it obscene 

‘‘x6, what do you think about it?’‘ Curie asks with her eyes full of curiosity, as always. 

‘‘Absolutely...Not’‘

‘‘What do you mean ‘Absolutely not?’’ Piper asks with a joking scoff 

‘‘it is ridiculous at best, there is no way’‘ the other companions sigh at him ‘‘hey it could be a real blossoming love my guy, they will have gorgeous half green babies’‘ Deacon says with a mouthful of carrot X6 looks at him in distaste and turns in his hair ‘‘X6! don't ignore us, stop being a grumpy pants you aren't in the institute anymore! love is real!’‘ Mac says excitedly X6 slowly turns his chair back and stares at him through his glasses

‘‘It might be, but not between sole and the supermutant, now before you complain, i am once again turning in my chair’‘

he will come around

MacCready:

‘’MACK REE DEE!’’Strong stomped up to Mac at INCREDIBLE speed ‘’whoa there strong! you could flatten me buddy’�� he chuckled but he was literally terrified for his life seeing strong run like that ‘’Loud lady says you can help me’’ strong says bluntly ‘’help with what?’’ now mac was interested  ‘’I told her I didn’t want to be without Master and she tells me to see you little man’’ MacCready rubs his neck in confusion why would she send strong to him over nothing it was only natural that he would be if he considers Sole his Master ‘’After fire in Third Rail Master was upset at Strong, STRONG CANT STAND IT’’ Mac nodded slightly ‘’uh well...Sometimes a good ‘’hey I’m sorry’’ and some affection, maybe a hug and a gift can work?’’ strong seemed to like that idea ‘’I GO NOW’’ he roars ‘’whoa buddy wait! do you want me to tell Sole you’re leavin? I’m on my way to have dinner with her now’’ dinner!? Strong’s alarms went off in his head and he picks Mac up by his jacket snarling slightly ‘’Dinner?!’’ Maccready stares at strong, confused and terrified ‘’Um yeah...The thing people do to eat? she wanted Duncan and Shaun to meet formally? you were invited remember?’’ ‘’oh’’ strong slowly and gently (for a supermutant) and slightly dusts Mac off and turned away MacCready laughed softly at how strange he could be and then stopped dead in his tracks ‘’Wait what the fu- ‘’

Hancock:

Once the institute was defeated Hancock and Sole both came up with the idea to have a party for everyone at the third rail, all of good neighbour was decorated from top to bottom with funny decor, synth scraps, all of that (much to x6′s dislike, he still went) everything was fine and dandy, everyone was partying it up, Magnolia switched It up for the night and was singing some upbeat party tunes, and then some random stumbled up to Sole, Hancock watched for a distance he knew Sole could handle themselves so he just watched silently, it was chill and all until Strong war cried, threw the person into some lit candles which then got caught on a decoration and set it on fire and then in shock some people bumped into each other and started fighting AND THEN as everything was going to shit Sole had to jump up to Strong to avoid the fire as it pooled around them, the way strong held onto Sole, told him enough whether supermutants could feel that kinda thing or not wasn't his business. Putting out his cigarette he sighs and decides to help in the chaos as Deacon walked into the third rail ‘’ I BROUGHT PIZZ- aaaa???!’’

BONUS

Sole:

Sole was sitting at dinner with Mac, Duncan and Shaun and turned towards the empty spot they had reserved for Strong with a sigh. They just continue to smile and eat, until the door gets fireman kicked down (I cannot stop with that) and strong appears Sole stands up and strong walks towards them, a pretty sweet looking belt in hand he throws it at sole and they catch it ‘’is this for me strong? well thanks! I-’’ then Strong picks them up and awkwardly  hugs them to his body sole struggles a little bit against him ‘’is this about the third rail? its alright strong I told you that I was just busy’’ Strong ‘’I’m trying to do human E fec tion’’ sole goes silent and then smiles softly ‘’thanks strong that’s really nice of you to do that for me, but you don’t have to I like you the way you are’’ strong slowly puts sole down and sole pats him on the arm 

Mac and Duncan just looked at each other awkwardly and kept eating the whole time

Bonus Bonus

Maxson:

(I hope this was okay!! thank you so much for requesting I had a BLAST doing it!! xxx)

[xxxmisslxxx]

This Is Me.....

......so I'm new to this .... I'm hoping I can just vent here and also get those feelings out in the universe... because apparently its “bad to supress things.” 

I will keep some details anonymous because .... well the internet you know?

I'm a 35 year old Female from a small town that has eventually over the years turned into a huge over populated town, been here pretty much all my life and seen all the changes ..

I've been with my partner for almost 19 years now and some days it can be a challenge haha  you know how you love them to death but also want to kill them at the same time? now that's love hehe.

We have one child that's 2  and this is my main reason for starting this blog...

see i have infertility.... there i said it out loud .... its not something some women can say out loud or even want to discuss... i feel like it is because the fairy-tale is you get the guy, you get married and you have kids... seems simple right? its the way most little girls thinks it happens... but its isn't reality for some women... and I'm that person. 

We had tried for years .. many years of unprotected sex and nothing, and the fear and numerous thoughts go through your mind of what's wrong with me? or is it him? what if its both of us? so we decided to go get checked... and this is where the long journey started......

we did countless hours of internet searches trying to find “the right dr for us” , we found a fertility clinic and made our first appointment.. i was so scared of the outcome and what the dr will say, she was super nice but between you and me she had no personality haha kind of flat talking which i found a tad funny literally no facial expressions hahahaha but again super nice and understanding.

She sent us both for tests, from blood, scans to sperm to me having a HSG to check to see if my tubes were not blocked (PS OUCH!!!!!) all came back normal ... i knew i had polycystic ovaries but she definitely confirmed it as it never was actually confirmed by my other drs, see my periods were NEVER regular i could get my period from 28 days to 54 days so i could never pick ovulation in my cycles, she also confirmed i have an underactive thyroid and thyroid antibodies so she prescribed me thyroxine to take for the rest of my life.

so after all that we decided to go for IVF and she was happy to help us out and take us on ..

so first day of period came and i started medications seems easy ... not for me!!! i cant swallow tablets at all to save my life haha so definitely something to get use too (ps still to this day im not use to it) once that finished i started a nasal spray day and night, then a couple of weeks later the injections ... i actually found the injections easier then tablets lol i literally gag every time. first scan was due to check the follicles and they were doing great and was on track. i actually had no idea what to expect at this scan, a week went by and another scan was due to see how they were processing .... they were textbook apparently so they scheduled me an egg collection to go ahead with, i was so super nervous as i didn't know what to expect.

the night came where i had my final injection ... the “trigger injection” which helps the potential eggs to mature for collection ... and then the egg collection was to follow.

EGG COLLECTION DAY- omg was i nervous and no idea what to expect as i seen videos on YouTube of the procedure and oh my god it looked like it hurt i was FREAKING out!!! luckily it was nothing like that. i was laying in the hospital bed waiting for them to come get me. they came and wheeled me into the procedure room they were all so nice to me and comforted me to make me feel comfortable... then the dr inserted a cannula in my arm and said ok were administering the drugs now and i should start to feel it... all i remember it the room spinning then nothing haha it was such a weird experience since ive never had any stiches or operations in the past .... it was like i lost time is the only way i could explain it .... hubby was with me in recovery and said do you remember this and that etc. i was like nope haha. the nurse came in and told us we got 11 eggs which was a really good number we were pretty happy with that number she said they will call us tomorrow with the number of how many fertilised. i felt i fair bit sore so i got some pain medications and went home to sleep it off.

to be continued for another day ................. 

[blkmxrvel]

Carol Danvers Fluff A-Z Headcanon

Pairing: Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel x Female!Reader

Request: -

Warnings: None

A/N: I’m pretty sure you all saw this coming. And if you didn’t.....well.

A = affection (how affectionate are they in day to day life? Do they show affection publicly or keep that more in private?)

Growing up on Hala (we all know she didn’t but you know what I mean), Carol was always taught the less affection the better. She willed herself to never care or let her personal feelings get in the way. To her, the mission at task was always the most important.

But when she met you, all of that changed. She never understood why she wanted to hold your hand, or why she always started glowing when someone said something remotely offensive to you. 

Once she got over all of that however, you can best your bottom dollar that Carol was the most affectionate person you’d ever met. She doesn’t believe in showing you off in front of anybody, or anything like that. She knew you were hers, so affection didnt’t happen much when you were in public. But! At home around people you were both comfortable around, she would never stop with the pet names, holding, and random kisses. You never complained, and she never stopped.

B =best memory (what is the best memory they have with you)

She has two, even though they didn’t happen at the same time they’re both the same thing. The first time she met you. 

Before she had gone missing, you two were in the same troop in the Air Force. The day she walked on the field, she couldn’t take here eyes off of you. You smiled at her and she had committed to her memory. You two had became the best of friends after that.

After the six years, you were at Monica’s house when she and Fury came to the house. And Carol swears that everything came back to her in that moment. It was like you were the one with powers, the way a orange silhouette followed you around. She soaked in the way your body felt against hers when you hugged her.

Everything came flooding back. The laughs, the cries, the anger and the love. She had remembered it all.

C = cat or dog person

Cats, duh. Have you met Goose? Okay we know that he’s not an actual cat, but the way he looks, how fluffy he is has inspired Carol to never own any other animal. D = dreams (what do they want to do in life?)

To protect. That's always been her purpose. On Kree and even before the crash, she always wanted to protect her people. You, Monica, Maria, Fury; are her people, and she will be damned if she lets anything happen to any of you. E = evenings (how do they spend their evening? So they go out? Do they read?)

Sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep. Trying to save planets and the universe really takes a toll, so she naps as much as possible. Most nights though, she loves to just cut on her favorite slow music grab a book and lose herself in it. Its her second favorite relaxation method. F = first date (what was it like?)

Fucking extravagant. Who would've thought carol was such a romantic. There were candles everywhere, soft music playing and an empty restaurant just for the two of you. You spent the entire evening having your every desire filled and it couldn't get any better than that.

G = giggle (what is their laugh like? What makes them laugh?)

Im- We all know, and if you don't I'm so sorry. With her stature and build you would think her giggle is dominant and deep, but no no. It's light, airy and makes your stomach do flips. It's adorable and you love to watch her eyes scrunch up when she does it. H = hugs (do they like hug? What kind of hugs do the give?)

Carol has the absolute best hugs. She's tall so naturally her arms go for the middle, and they're long so she's able to wrap them alllllll the way around and pull you in. She squeezes firm but not hard enough to make you lose your breath. Her eyes always close a little bit to savor the moment as she rests her head on top of yours. And She always smells like apples and vanilla so it makes the experience that much better. I = instrument (do they play an instrument?)

She loves the piano. The soft, serene music it makes is a sharp contrast to what she's usually used to: chaos, chaos, chaos. So she's delighted to let herself go in something so...grounding. J = joy (what brings them joy in life?)

You, Maria, Monica and Of course goose are her favorite people. She prides herself on human interactions with the ones she loves, so being around you guys makes her the happiest. Fighting to protect you all is great, but that means nothing if she doesn't have a bond with the ones she is protecting, you know? K = kisses (what kind of kisser are they? Shy? Passionate?)

You know….Carol is a certified #top but I think her kisses would be so soft and gentle most of time. She’d grab you by your face and start with your nose and cheeks, before placing the softest of kisses on your lips. It's so soft it tickles, making you and in turn her always laugh.

There are those occasions after a near-death mission or event where softness is not the needed medium. In those cases, passion is everything. Actions speak louder than words, and she’ll make sure that she speaks clearly.

L = love (how do they act when they have a crush)

When Carol Danvers wants something, she makes sure everyone knows it. She never missed an opportunity to compliment or flirt with you. She regularly invaded your personal space with hugs, cheek kisses and high five. Whenever someone would try to make advances on you, all she had to do was make her first glow a little bit and boom.

And it wasn't just her trying to make sure no one made a move on you. She would consistently dodge everyone else who tries to slide on her. If it wasn't you, then she didn't want them.

M = memory (what’s their favourite memory?)

Oddly enough, the night in the bar she'd spent with Maria. It was after a really long day training, and they decided to let off some steam. After getting more drunk than what medical professionals recommend, they had spent all night singing karaoke. They didn't get a single word or melody right, but who cares?

N = no (what is their pet peeve?)

The three i’s: Intolerance, Ignorance, Insolence. She absolutely cannot stand (ironically enough) people who have no respect for others. In the air force, she has been treated way less than everyone else just because she had a vagina. And Maria had it worse than her, just because she was black and had a vagina. They both got shit for liking women. The skrulls has their entire planet and families destroyed, just because the Kree people thought they were better than them. She couldn't ever wrap her head around people like that, but she could blast them into a new galaxy :)

O = occupation (what’s their dream job?)

Serving her country. But since she has too much power to be just doing that, she wants to serve, protect and restore the entire universe. She wants to shield everyone from harm and avenge the death of everyone Thanos took from them. (See what I did there?)

P = parent (what kind of parent would they be?)

Oh, Carol would most definitely be the parent who's their kids best friend. She knows how to get down with the best of them, and her children are no exception. Can you imagine what it would be like having a mini carol blasting around the house? All the little (and big) things they would get into? My, Oh, My. Q = questions (do they believe in the super natural? Aliens? Anything along those lines)

What do you think? R = romantic (are they romantic during the relationship?)

Carol puts romanticism to shame. If she isn't constantly sweeping you off your feet,  whether literally or figuratively, then she's doing something wrong.

Flowers and foods from different planets. Vacations to different galaxies. Never having to make breakfast or drive ever again. Long soliloquies when she can't wait to see after a long mission. Never having to go a day without her after they defeat Thanos. Sometimes they can get overwhelming,  but you know she's coming from a place of love.

S = smile (what makes them smile without fail)

Happy you, happy maria, happy Monica,  happy goose, happy life, happy universe, Happy Carol.

T = together (how clingy are they? How long do you two spend together per day on average)

Because of her current task of trying to fix the universe, she doesn't see you nearly as much as she would like to. But when she is without dont expect to be able to shake her off, not that you'd ever want to. She would be all over you with kisses, hugs, cuddles, sex and love. She had to get as much of you as she could before she had to leave again.

U = unbearable (what habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable)

You hate to be the kind of s/o where they say they’re absolutely perfect...but Carol is absolutely perfect. There isn’t anything wrong with her. You could ask for anyone better. V = videos (do they take lots of videos or photos during your relationship?)

Surprisingly, yes. Obviously she's not from this era, being born in the 60s and on other planets for the past 15 years. Her first time seeing a cell phone was one thing, but seeing her face on one in real time, doing what she was doing was a different breed. Once you taught her how to use the camera as well as social media (“so you're telling me that I can see what someone else is doing on the other side of the world?) all she could do was document her life. Her life that consisted mainly of you, Monica and Maria was all over snapchat, Instagram and Facebook. It was the small things she chose to record and photograph. The things that were important but not big enough to where she can automatically recall. She chose to record things that she wouldn't even think of on a regular basis, things that would jog her memory and make her smile. Because who knows? Maybe someone else can come along and take her memory again. Or read her thoughts. She needs something that can make her remember.

W = wedding (what was the wedding like?)

Everything the both of you could ever ask for. It was outdoors, both your families (avengers, skrulls, flerkens, the usual) were there. You both work pristine beautiful dresses that had everyone in awe. There wasn't a dry eye in the courtyard as you two were pronounced wife and wife.

X = eXtra (what’s an interesting fact about them that they don’t tell anyone about?)

Psssttt. She loves country music and painting, dont tell anyone.

Y = yuck (what do they hate? Could be a food, sent, word anything)

Besides those special type of people, carol absolutely despises the summer. You would think, living in California, she'd be used to it but no. She hated the sticky sweat and the humid air. Winter was the summer for her. Z = zzzz (how heavy of a sleeper are they? How do they sleep? What mood do they wake up in? Really any sleeping headcanons)

Carol sleeps like she's heavily, heavily sedated. It's quite remarkable, you think. She usually sleeps on her back, or side but she's always attaches to you. Whether you're on her chest or she's facing you with your arms around each other.

Now, I've seen sooooo many people say that Carol is a morning person, but I have to disagree. Do you really think she's gonna do all that work, sleep that hard and wake up chipper? I think not! She does everything in her power to stay asleep, you are not going to object, you hate the mornings too.

It's always a game to see who can sleep in the longest. Spoiler alert: Carol usually wins.

[gwoongi]

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 ✰ taehyung (1)

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 kim taehyung / reader genre: zombie apocalypse au words: 6793

You just wanted humanity to survive.

warnings: violence, swearing, sexual content, gore and blood, death, taboo themes, drug and alcohol use

a/n: hi!! this has been in the works for literally. a year. maybe even longer. it has caused me so much pain and stress + im so happy to be putting her out into the world!!!!! thank you for all your endless support and i hope u all like this fic!!!!!!! :D ((it is a revised version of my older “the last of us” fic on cosykims!)) 

[ Moodboard || Playlist ]

01. denver ↝ 02. holiday with me ↝ 03. sad forever ↝ 04. surely ↝ 05. scorpion ↝ 06. shakespeare

“...city centre is now closed until further notice, after a bomb was detected near the subway station at 3:45pm. Reports say that the bomb was not a hoax, and was indeed planted there by foreign intel…”

“After three major bomb alerts in cities across the country, the senator has released a statement saying the following: Relations with foreign powers are continuing to get worse. Bombs are being planted around our country, and the threat of nuclear war is among us. Currently there are no dramatic changes, but our channel will keep everybody within the area notified.”

“...I repeat, this is not a drill. North Korea have finally declared nuclear war on the western hemisphere, challenging other powers to ready their weapons and start to fight. Curfew is now under way, and everybody must report to nearby shelters in the case of an emergency. May God be with you all.”

“...thanks, Janet. What we are seeing here is the aftermath of what appears to be catastrophic damage done by a foreign bomb in New York City. Thousands of people are suspected to be dead and bombs are still being detected in the radar. This is no longer a fantasy - this is the reality of our country. God Bless America.”

“...months after the fighting has ceased across the Globe, the Government have set up control areas to prevent the possibility of an infection, of which was caused by the toxic chemicals of the bombs dropped just three months ago. Citizens are to be evacuated within three miles of controlled areas and gas masks are being supplied to everybody South of Nebraska….”

“...what appears to be a virus has spread throughout controlled quarantines this evening. Reports from the state suggest that the word ‘zombie’ might fit the description of this virus. This is not a joke, I repeat, we are dealing with a nationwide crisis here. Everybody is to stay within their homes.”

“...the world is ending….hundreds and thousands of people are expected to fall to the virus caused by the aftermath of war...flesh-eating zombies….may God be with us all….oh God...oh God!”

Three Years In 01:12am.

Contrary to popular belief, there were many good things about the apocalypse. One, you wagered, was the fact that there was barely any pollution in the air; in fact, on an evening, you could see the whole galaxy without a telescope, breathing in the life of speckles of white, shooting ivories and the smile of a lonely moon. Two, there were no official rules to life. Unlike life before, no human is illegal, now. Border control is non-existent, and immigration and tax and how much money you’re going to make come payday is no longer important to anybody still alive. And three, if you were lucky, it was always silent.

Before, you used to sneer at silence. The way it mocked you, and humiliated you after a high-school presentation, or after the punchline of a joke. The way the silence slowly picked at your bones and flesh in the attic bedroom of your grandparents’ bungalow in the northern part of the city, secluded in mountains and barren trees; the silence laughing at the way you stared out that small box window, praying for a miracle to make noise. 

But now, silence is your new best friend. Silence indicates that nothing is near, and danger is less likely. It heightens every sense, and keeps you awake at night. Against any loyal survivor or camp-member, you valued silence as the number one ally.

Sniffing once, you caught your nose running, stepping over a large pile of rubble that had fallen from the roof of the warehouse you were currently based in. Careful to not awaken any of your fellow campers, you made your way towards the large wire fence, pulling a cable tie around the sliced wire to tie it together - an unpractical reinforcement, although quieter than chains. And as designated leader of the camp, you admit that it’s hard to keep everybody sane and grounded. Safety was of paramount importance, but you can’t fake it. You can’t lie to your campers by saying everything is safe. Because nothing is safe anymore.

Scraping scrap metal across the tarmac, the distant sound of boots made you glance up, noticing the familiar scuff of red leather and you turned away, not having to look up to know it’s the new guy, Kim Taehyung.

“Need any help?” his voice called across the loud silence, his fingers toying with a loose strand of polyester attached to his jacket.

“I’ve got it, thanks,” you replied, fiddling still with the ties around the looped chain.

Taehyung moved forward anyway, indifferent about the tense tone of your voice. He missed the hint entirely, coming closer when all you want is for him to go away. “It doesn’t look like you’ve got it. Here, I’ll hold the fence.”

You flinched when he appeared by your side, your face meeting his helpful gaze with a sharp glare. Regardless, you sighed loudly and relaxed, letting him hold the fence in place as you wrapped around the cable tie, clamping it closed before moving to the next hole created by cutters.

“Are you always this pushy?” you asked, avoiding his stare as you worked to close all the possible entrances (and exits).

“I just wanted to help,” Taehyung confessed quietly. “I felt pointless in there, not falling asleep. Plus, Jiyong snores. I wanted some peace and quiet.”

At that, you scoffed and smile. “Well, I can believe that. He’s always been a snorer, ever since high-school.”

Taehyung made a noise of acknowledgement, finally accepting defeat and crouching quietly beside you, wordless but inquisitive. It had only been three days since he joined the camp by chance; he was one of the lucky ones who approached your camp and made it inside. A law you lived by, inside your cluttered and hazy and scared brain, was that you never accepted outsiders into the camp. Sticking by friends you’ve known and trusted for years seemed safer than blindly trusting someone you had never met before. But, as Seunghyun pointed the sniper rifle at his tuft of brown hair hanging on his forehead, Yena had bounced down from the watch-tower with wide eyes - “he needs a Doctor, Y/N. He’s bleeding from his knee. We have the supplies, we can save his life.”

You just wanted humanity to survive.

And so the gates opened and he lay down on a medical bed inside the warehouse, and Yena and Jisoo helped patch up his wounds. Now, here he is; lingering in the shadows of the warehouse, limping across the length of the grounds, begging for jobs to keep himself occupied.

“You work a lot,” Taehyung noted. “I never see you sleep at night. Insomnia?”

“One person always stays on guard during the night,” you explain, tugging at the wire to make sure it holds. “I volunteer because there’s always something that needs to be done around here. If you think you’re safe, you’re wrong. Nobody else wants to do it, so I will. Just to keep myself busy, mainly.”

Taehyung nodded. “I get that. Before I came here, I just walked. I never stopped walking from where I was, constantly looking for somewhere safe to go.”

“Ain’t that the way,” you replied. With nothing left to do with the fence, you eventually turned to look at him, staring at his face outlined by the dim gas-lighter by the door to the warehouse. “You been on your own for a while?”

“No,” he answered, hesitantly. “I was with my sister when the virus first broke out. We were both at NYU. We got separated in the manic and I joined a small group of science students on their way to find a cure. Clearly, that didn’t work out. I figured it was safer on my own, you know? I had no idea where she went. So, I walked.”

“And your leg?” you asked, looking at his knee, still wrapped in soaked bandages. “You got hurt pretty bad, huh? Biter get you?”

“Unfortunately not. I got jumped by a couple bandits on my way here. I got away when a few walkers came by, but barely escaped. Then, I came here.”

You stood up as he spoke, him following your every move like a mirror. “‘Walkers.’ You can tell you’re from New York.”

Moving away from Taehyung, your feet take you to the mid-height fence near the drop towards the forest, a view overlooking the tops of tall trees, a spiralling path faded by fog and the familiar outline of a deserted city near the horizon. Kicking the fence gently, it stays in place, requiring no fortifications or attention. Nothing could climb the steep drop beneath it. Resting your elbows on the beach wood of the fence, you rest your weight and stare towards the city, analysing the corners of each building, jagged lines like a maths puzzle.

“While I was getting patched up,” Taehyung began, after a long moment of serene silence, “Jisoo told me that you guys go out on trips, hunts in cities. How many have you covered?”

“Only one,” you replied, nodding in the direction of the city in front of you. “That’s Denver. It’s so large that we barely covered a third of it in the two years we’ve been here. We planned to keep moving, but we had some...complications along the way. We got trapped up here. Every week we send out a group to scavenge the cities, find whatever we can to prepare us for travels. And last week, Jiyong’s pick-up truck ran out of gas for good, so anything we can find to help get that back and running would be great.”

Taehyung nodded with understanding, picking at the dry skin around his bitten-down fingernails. “I hear it’s in a few days. Shouldn’t you be asleep, resting for it?”

“I can’t sleep,” you said quietly. “Not anymore. And it’s like I said, there’s always shit that needs to be done. The drive to the city is around half hour, I can catch some z’s on the way there and between shifts. Why so curious, anyway? You coming with us, or something?”

He shrugged. “Can I?”

“Have you got anything better to do?” you retort, and he smiles slightly, looking down. “I hear you’re a good runner. We could use the extra legs and arms. If your knee’s up to it, course.”

Gratefully, he nodded with acceptance. “Come to think of it, your group is quite small. Has it always been this selective?”

As the words left his lips, Taehyung felt himself regret that sentence, noticing the way you tensed next to him, hands pausing in their movement of toying a blade of grass that hugged the fence post.

“I’m sorry. That was rude-”

“There were others,” you replied tensely, your demeanour changed instantly. “But like all other groups, we lost people along the way. Good people. Kind and loving people. In a world where life is so short, I can’t afford to lose anybody else.”

You clapped his shoulder roughly, “you’re new, Taehyung, and I don't expect you to understand. But we’re a family here, and the safety of the group is essential. You’re gonna lose people along the way but…”

Your voice trailed off, and Taehyung looked up. He got it. You didn’t have to continue speaking for him to put the pieces together.

Two Days Later. 08:19am.

The lively sound of a rumbling engine stirred Taehyung awake, the noise travelling from the square all the way to the South-Wing, painted in yellow as ‘Zone S’. S for sleep, or S for safety, Taehyung couldn’t quite decipher.

Sitting on the rectangle straw-sheet, he slipped on his socks and signature ruby leather boots, carrying his jacket over his arms as he left the zone and moved towards the square, where the sun bled out onto the dusty tarmac, a glimmer of glittering light causing him to squint as he crossed the width of the kitchen. He smiled at Yena, the youngest in the group, only eighteen amongst middle-aged outcasts, and passed her at the table, ignoring her wavering stare.

“Taehyung. Good morning.”

He forced himself to smile over at Taekwoon, only slightly intimidated by the size of his muscles behind a grey sleeved tee, and the way he effortlessly lifted a duffel bag filled with weapons into the trunk of the Subaru. Taekwoon looked over gently, in an effort not to afraid the newbie, and then he shut the boot of the car and approached him.

“You coming on our trip today?” he asked, and Taehyung nodded.

“Did you clear it with Y/N?”

“Yes,” he replied surely. “She invited me.”

Taekwoon smiled mockingly, laughing out of his nose. “Right. Sure she did.”

Taehyung blinked, unfamiliar. “Where is Y/N? Isn’t she coming with us?”

“Yeah. Protocol around here is similar to certain armies,” Taekwoon explained lamely. “The leader always helps out on missions. Hey, she’s nothing like that old guy out of Wonder Woman, I’ll tell you that.”

“Y/N is the leader?” Taehyung asked dumbly.

Taekwoon turned then, resting a hand upon the hot black exterior of the car. “Does that shock you?”

“Kinda. She looks so…”

He didn’t continue, but Taekwoon nodded in understanding. “We get it. But without her, none of us would be here. I couldn’t think of anyone better leading us. Well, I mean, I’d proper love a Rick Grimes around here, but you can’t have everything. Jiyong and Seunghyun are technically leaders, too, but we just say Y/N is to deprive them the satisfaction of feeling powerful.”

From behind him, the short sound of footsteps made Taehyung turn, meeting your gaze halfway as you briskly passed him, cheeks clammy, freckles on display. He’d never noticed them before. At your entry, the group of hunters gathered around the bonnet of the car as you spread a map down on it with a short slap, a dying red Sharpie in your hand, circling the next part of the city.

“Last week we went to this section, so try and focus on these areas today,” you explained, waiting for Taehyung to shift into a position where he could see the map carefully. “Denver was one of the worst hit cities, so we could either be lucky and find bodies, or unlucky and find biters. Either way, try and avoid making sound. We have the radios and walkies in-case we get into any sort of trouble. If we lose signal, meet at the car before sunset. Remember - don’t risk your life if one of us doesn’t arrive on time. Give it five minutes after the sun begins to disappear, and if we’re not here, go on ahead. We can’t sacrifice our supplies for the sake of one man. It’s harsh, and we go through this every time, but I’m making it clear to the fresh meat.”

Everybody, minus Taehyung and his bewildered expression, nodded with understanding, a quiet murmur overpowering the groan of the dead hanging in the shadows of the forest surrounding the warehouse.

“Is there anything anybody wants to ask for before we head onto the road?” Jiyong asked, his voice in the same usual volume- quieter than a shout, slightly louder than a whisper.

“Gas is a priority,” Taehyung suggested, remembering the conversation about the useless pick-up truck sitting in the back near the barrens.

Taekwoon nodded, “we need gas for the truck, and in-case our getaway vehicle runs out unexpectedly. We’re on our last few drops.”

“The usual, I’d expect. Food is obvious, water, clean water. Clothes, or batteries would be great, too. Never skip over a store because it looks empty,” Doyoung, Yena’s brother and the best shooter within the group aside from Seunghyun, said, looking at Taehyung all the while. “Pharmacy's look emptied, but there’s always the office near the back that’s filled with extra medicine. The keys are usually on a staff member who’s lurking or dead. You have materials that can pick the lock.”

“How do you know that for sure?” Taehyung asked, meanwhile the rest of the group readied the truck. You stayed near Taehyung, eager to hear what he had to say.

“I used to work at my Dad’s pharmacy before shit hit the fan,” Doyoung shrugged. “I know my way around a pharmacy, is all.”

Having little else to do, Taehyung simply nodded and stood still, waiting for the group to finish setting up the car, with Taekwoon riding his motorcycle near the front like a Police escort.

“Ready?” you asked, stopping by his side as the group hollered for everybody to get inside. Yena hurried out towards the gate, hanging by the loose chain ready to open it up. Taehyung sucked in a breath quietly, and looked at you with as much optimism as he could. It came out falsely, but you appreciated his efforts.

“Not really. Will I ever be?”

You didn’t know how to answer that. No response was good.

The city was unusually quiet.

Beside you, in the back of the car, Taehyung stared silently at the scenery as it rolled past, just as the car crossed into the city’s territory. Immediately, he could see the stark contrast between the wilderness and the madness; a concrete jungle, overpowered by lush green and forest ferns, weeds that turreted as high as traffic lights snaking up the drains of apartment complexes, tufts of cloth dancing in the breeze. Despite the damage from nuclear destruction, Taehyung was surprised that nature could take over so quickly. He stared in silence at the sight of rusted vehicles abandoned in the streets, decorated with blood red graffiti, the walls of buildings reading “DEAD INSIDE” or “KEEP OUT”, neither better than the other. As the car crossed through an intersection, down one of the streets, water had eroded the roads; murky green water bouncing off the heavy sunlight creating patterns on the brickwork, faded and dressed in dark ivy.

“Reminds me of Chernobyl,” Taehyung commented on the way there.

As the car pulled up in a relatively deserted section of the city, Jiyong switched off the gas and hopped out instantly, wasting zero time. Taehyung clambered out afterwards, holding open the door as you climbed out after him, nodding as a thank-you, already familiarising yourself with the silence.

Taekwoon began to hand out weapons from the duffel bag in the boot as you stared in all directions, analysing pathways and gaps between buildings. Craning upwards, the canopy of unstable concrete, the decaying body of two large towers collided together, made you feel uneasy, and you turned back towards the group, gladly taking a pistol and extra ammunition.

“Remember the rules,” you reminded. “Stay in your partners. Taekwoon and Doyoung, go North. Jiyong, Seunghyun, go West. Jisoo, you’re okay to go South, yes? I’ll take the newbie with me East.”

Jisoo nodded, loading her gun. “I don’t need a man to slow me down.”

“Just be careful,” you warned, happy to see her confident going alone. Taehyung shifted from foot to foot, shakily taking a pistol from the bottom of the bag and following behind you as you moved towards the East direction, towards the fallen ruins of Denver city.

After some minutes of silence, Taehyung spoke up: “where are we going?”

“Further into the city,” you replied, not missing a beat. “Most of the stores close to the square have been checked already. But the ones further in the city are more likely to stay in tact. Nobody comes in here unless they want to die. Thankfully, it seems quiet today.”

“We got lucky, then,” he decided.

“I hope you’re right.”

A few more minutes in, and Taehyung felt himself cower at the sight of more skyscrapers leaning together, debris falling from the sky and landing in tufts near his feet. He ignored the stained blood from feet as he crossed a gravel pathway, near a sectioned off waterpool barricaded by old cars. Distracting himself, Taehyung invested his attention towards yourself, watching cautiously as you fiddled with buttons on the small radio you picked up along the way.

“Should you really be using that out in the open?”

You paused, scoffing slightly. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I believe you, but, that’s making noise.”

“What about it?”

Taehyung narrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Noise attracts walkers.”

With a final sigh, you turned to him over your shoulder. “You’re going to attract ‘walkers’ in a minute. Just...keep your voice down, yeah? The radio is our only way to communicate with those outside our group. It’s either this, or walking straight into death. You want that?”

“Obviously not,” he replied.

Opting to keep you happy, Taehyung didn’t say anything else. Instead, he followed your heels closely, muttering soft thanks when you lifted up a beam for him to duck under, or pointed out a hole of muddy water that was probably contaminated. In his ears, he listened for the sound of something - anything - to come through on the radio, when a voice cut through the radio static.

“...nothing left. I’m leaving the city, with as many people as I can. We have to leave people behind, but...they’re in no position to travel. Alby is sick, and Jaena’s leg is infected. We don’t have much time left…”

Taehyung moved closer to you, and you positioned the radio so he could hear.

“There’s nothing left for anybody in City Ten. Bandits and hunters come to scavenge stores but there’s nothing we can do about it. We gathered all the medical supplies in our store room in Block 18. Fuck, I don’t know what building we are in, but we can see the large building that towers over all others from our window. Tommy came in saying he has everything ready for us to go. We’re heading North, towards Washington. Some survivors said there was a group of student scientists there with a bunch of NASA officials, working on a cure. They’re calling Washington the safe zone, or something, I can’t remember. Denver is empty.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be here,” Taehyung said in a low voice, and you looked at him briefly before looking back at the radio, as if it would do something visual.

The voice continued breathily: “If you’re still in the city...if anybody even still listens to me, you need to get out. You need to head to-” she paused over the line. “Fuck, they’re here. I hear them.” Her voice got quieter, breathier, like a whisper. You decided to continue on foot next to Taehyung, waiting for her voice to come back through the line. For what felt like eternity, she made no response.

Taehyung heaved himself up over an abandoned car, extending a hand down to you to help pull you up. Climbing up after him, you snatched your hand away when you realised he was still holding onto you, brushing your hand on your jeans and jumping down from the car back onto the floor.

“Hey, Y/N, how about we head over--”

Abruptly, the woman’s voice cut back in through the silence. “Oh fuck! Oh my god, they k-killed him. They killed him, oh my God, they’re coming back for me, stop! Leave me alone!”

Her screams were screeching, loud enough to shatter glass. Taehyung immediately fumbled for the volume, hissing when the radio continued to scream out into the silence of the city. As quickly as her screams became deafening, they became deaf, fallen silent, only static replacing her noises. As if overcome with fear, you toss the radio to the side, causing it to smash into pieces.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung exclaimed suddenly.

“I don’t wanna hear that,” you replied, shaking your head furiously. “Come on, let’s keep going. We’ve already wasted time listening.”

“She’s in trouble,” Taehyung continued, nonetheless following you. “We could try and find her, and help her.”

You smiled bitterly, hiking towards the nearest convenience store at the ground of a large high-rise building, slanted and glass-covered. “Taehyung, you’re sweet. Really, and I so like that about you. You’re a good asset to the team, and I want to keep it that way. But, we can’t afford to save her. By the sounds of things, she didn’t make it.”

“You don’t know that.”

Pausing to observe a blood-covered metal bat rolling back and forth by the open door to the store, you crouch to pick it up and swing it back and forth. “You’re right, I don’t. But I care more about our survival than hers.”

Behind you, he scoffed and shook his head. “You’re heartless.”

“No, I’m realistic,” you counter, holding the door open for him and handing him the metal bat. He caught it with a breath of air. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you about it. We can discuss it back at camp. For now, we have to look in the area and find somewhere to scavenge. This’ll do for the moment. Take the chemist and the clothes, I’ll scan the aisles for food if there is any. If you see bottled water, please get some.”

Taehyung reluctantly sighed, following you through the door and flinching when his boots crunched shards of broken glass on the floor. Shuffling into place, Taehyung scanned the room with a somber expression; the shelves near the door had been stripped clean, with only crumbs and stains marking the off-white colours, faded neons screaming nursery rhymes as he approached the first aisle. To his delight, or more so relief, he noticed food still on the shelves towards the back of the store, and he moved his gaze towards the right side of the store, where a hanging light, swinging to and fro with a daunting creak, read “Clothing”, where a neon should have bled out into cyans and magentas.

“Take half an hour?” you suggested, tossing him a spare flashlight from your backpack. “Meet back here if you can’t find anything useful. Take what we need, not what you want. I mean, clothing is preference, but- you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” he replied, sounding almost indifferent. “I know. Be careful.”

To that, you smiled. “You too.”

Waiting until Taehyung had shuffled into the shadows of the clothes department, somewhat near to the flickering blue glow of the chemist desk, you gulped and retreated towards the far shelf, crouching to pack in a can of beans and some soup, close to expiry but good enough to salvage. By the end of the search, your bag was near enough filled to the brim; you had plenty of food, and lighters to aid Jiyong’s bad smoking habit, alongside a pack of cigarettes you found at the back of the shelf next to some ammunition and a discarded wallet. A pack of batteries lay like a ripe cherry in a bunch of rotten ones, and you barely wedged it into the front pocket of your bag. Feeling successful, you swung the backpack onto your shoulders and rose from your crouch behind the shelves.

Poking your head over the stacks, the sound of Taehyung dragging clothes across the rails puts your mind at ease, distracting you from the low hum of the undead, which, as if it were possible, seemed to get louder and louder. Probably paranoia, you guessed, minding your own business as you approached the counter looking into the bakery. You stared sadly at the moulded breads and pastries, eyeing them with a new hunger. If you remembered hard enough, you could remember visiting a store just like this one and buying fish at the market, and then buying a custard cake at the bakery with your college friends.

At that thought, you looked away, leaning over the counter to eye the floor, messed with flour and footprints dotted with red shuffling towards the kitchen, where silence screamed out. You took a guess that the red wasn’t your ordinary jam, and you gulped, sadly imagining who the unlucky victim was. Shrugging off those thoughts, you prepared to pick yourself back up onto your feet when a loud shuffle made you freeze in all movement.

Please be Taehyung.

Turning around slowly, you held your breath calmly, facing the store. As you turned to look to your left, the sight of a biter hovering near the glass doorway to the side-store made a chill run up the length of your body. You did nothing. It simply stared.

Perhaps if you moved slowly, it wouldn’t see you. Albeit wishful thinking, it seemed better than nothing at this point. It stood there dauntingly, shaking from side to side with a tremor, lips torn apart and skin ripped, maggots clinging to the rotten flesh. It let out a snarl, teeth curling and stirring creamy foam out of its mouth, fingers curled like dinosaur claws. As it waited, you turned fully, hands spread flat on the counter of the desk, observing all possible exits.

There was the safe route; towards Taehyung where he could help you take out the biter coming after you. There was the risky route; straight back towards the door, where noise would attract both the biter and Taehyung anyway. Or there was the stupid route; towards the biter, ready for attack.

Thankfully, you’d seen zombie movies enough times to know that running towards the biter almost always got you killed. Instead, you moved slowly, almost unmoving entirely. The biter stayed in place, biting air, snarling at the wind. Walking as quietly as you could, you edged towards the clothing section to find Taehyung, already somewhat comforted by the continuous sound of him dragging hangers across the rails. Every step was taken without breath; afraid that even blinking would send it into a frenzy, silence was of new paramount importance.

Inching further towards Taehyung, you flinched violently when the biter growled loudly, making enough noise to pull Taehyung’s head out of the clothing racks, bag practically stuff with clothes he basically didn’t really need. When the noise was followed by silence, he gripped his bat handle tighter and dropped his backpack to the tiles with a soft thud. Taehyung moved slowly towards the open archway separating the clothes to the foods, taking his time looking at the way the lights flickered, and the sound of the wind getting caught in the tiny cracks in the window-panes.

“Y/N?” he called, unaware. His grip tightened on the bat when nothing responded, only a murmur, a groan that sounded guttural. “Y/N?”

Approaching the arch, he turned into the main foyer of the store and froze in place when he saw you; standing like a statue by the counter, facing him with eyes wide. Without saying words, he seemed to know what to do - he looked back and forth between yourself and the biter, staring at the way it swayed from side to side, occasionally jolting as if having a seizure. Looking back at you, he paused when you held your hands in front of you, as if warning him to stay away.

“Don’t move,” you mouthed, afraid of a whisper being too loud.

He nodded, although you barely caught it. “What do we do?” he mouthed back.

Catching your breath quietly, you began to move slowly towards him, dragging your feet across the tiles wiped with tomato coloured red. Taehyung held out his hands invitingly, bat still pointed outwards, shaking slightly. He couldn’t pinpoint whether it was nerves, or fear, but either one drove his hands further outwards, taking small steps of his own towards you, quiet in an effort to not distract unwanted attention.

“That’s it,” he whispered, the smallest of whispers, waving his hands slowly in circles. “Slowly…”

The taste of blood swam through your mouth as your teeth sank down onto the inside of your lip, hands shaking violently as you steadily stepped towards your partner. Closer than breath, he was steps away, when your foot came down on shards of cloudy glass.

It ripped through the silence like a cough in Church.

The biter jolted with a high-pitched scream, too loud for you to turn around to check its expression. Taehyung stared over your shoulder at the way it broke out of a trance, screeching loudly at the sight of sounds. Time was running out; Taehyung yelled your name loudly, causing you to hurry towards him to grab his hand extended outward. As you skidded past his legs, his voice rang in your ears, lips brushing your hair: “Outside! Now!”

Grabbing his bag discarded on the floor, Taehyung swung it over his shoulders as you hurried ahead, ducking through a broken window. With impatience, Taehyung pushed you out, hands on your upper-back thigh, cradling you as you jumped out the hole and onto the road. He barely made it out, tugging at the thin material of your sleeve and dragging you out into the dust on the road. From behind both of you, the doors separating the biter and the store smashed open, alerting at least a dozen others lingering nearby in the dusty shadows.

They were newly infected, still grasping on to whatever shreds of humanity they had left. Running fast, screams loud, hands still rotting the flesh away; the biters ran from behind you down the road, screaming with every step, nudging you both further down the large road to nowhere. You weren’t even sure if this was the way you came; all you seemed focused on was the sight of Taehyung’s feet leaving you behind in a cloud of dust. He was faster than you had anticipated, but, with experience, you endured the heat of the panic and gravitated towards his side.

“Y/N-” he began, looking at you with a breathless expression.

“Don’t talk!” you screamed in reply, pulling at his arm. “Just fucking run!”

Passing identical buildings, acting like copied and pasted images, it was hard to deny that you were exhausted. At one point, it felt like Taehyung was dragging your weight, your legs too tired to hurry along after his frame. The cries of hunger and agony from the biters behind you increased in volume, filling the atmosphere with a heaviness. If the group were close, they had heard the noises and thought better than sticking around.

“Turn! Here, here, here, here, don’t fucking stop running!” screamed your voice over the chaos, pushing Taehyung by his shirt towards a small and narrow alleyway between two smaller stores; a ladder, enclosed by a bar painted an ebony black, smiled in the darkness, and Taehyung thankfully ran towards it without hesitation. The sharp turn caught the mob off-guard, sending them skidding across the road.

Taehyung began to climb up the ladder, and you swiftly followed, veins pumping with fear and adrenaline, hands shivering as you climbed from step to step, height to height. A biter lunged for your boot, sinking its teeth into the heel and you kicked it in the jaw, a growl emerging from its torn jaw as it collapsed back into the hoard.

Finally reaching the top of the roof, you heaved yourself up over the low brick wall, physically feeling the exhaustion in your arms, a dampness under your armpits. Landing with a thud on top of Taehyung, a breath of hot hair released from your lips, strands of hair sticking to your forehead like cake mixture to a bowl. Both of your breaths were in sync; Taehyung lay beneath you, unmoving for the several moments of gathering breath, with the shakiness of his hands vibrating against your waist.

When the reality of lying on top of Taehyung sank in, you shuddered and lifted yourself up off his stomach, your palms scratching on the scorching hot roof. Behind you, Taehyung lifts himself up off the floor, leaning over the side of the wall to peer down at the biters below. Groans fill the air as he spots biters learning how to climb the ladder, and he gulps, saliva hot and solid moving down his dry throat.

“That was fucking insane,” he hissed, turning to you sharply as you pace in ovals on the roof. “What happened down there?”

“Biter came up on me,” you muttered, “didn’t hear it until it was too late.”

The biters congregated down below, a loud compilation of groans becoming disheartening as you fail to come up with a solution to this incredibly difficult problem. Taehyung jerks himself away from the wall, crouching to his backpack to take a swig of water he was planning to save until later. You turn halfway, thankfully taking a sip of the water he hands to you once he swallowed.

“What do we do now?” Taehyung asks, hands on his knees. He’s hunched over. “The group leaves at sundown. Will they wait?”

Swallowing thickly, you shake your head and shove the water back into his hands. “No. It’s the rules.”

“Fuck the rules,” he replies. “We’re a team.”

“Yeah, but we’ve worked this way for a while now. We won’t change just because you arrived to the group.”

Taehyung scoffed. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Letting out a sigh, you pace back towards the wall overlooking the city. “It’s not ideal, I know. But if the group wait a second longer and lose their supplies to bandits or biters...it would be a waste of time. Our group are already vulnerable back at camp. We don’t wanna leave people behind. If you can help, do it, but we’re on a roof in the middle of the city and there’s no way in hell we can make it back in time without leaving right now.”

With nothing useful to say, Taehyung let his body drop with a thud on the floor, a cloud of dust circling his thighs as his bag dragged against the side of the wall. Above, the sky transitioned into auburn colours, clouds moving faster than smoke rising out a chimney, carried by the wind towards the direction of the camp. The sound of cicadas and the haunting birdsong, and the constant groan of death, was all to be heard as you clenched your outstretched hands into small balls, cursing the air with your gaze cast downwards; it eventually fell on the sight of a rusted, and unstable balcony a few stories below, a scrap of magenta cloth clinging to the corners, broken glass twinkling in the light.

As time moved, and hours rolled by, Taehyung had napped twice and your eyes would not move from the sight of the balcony, analysing each pattern and grid and rusted area, calculating jumps and falls and possible scenarios in your brain. Eventually, when the sky had darkened with rain clouds and night, the sun dipped behind a large storey building. Maybe the group would wait for you.

Maybe they’d think differently because you were their leader. Or maybe they didn’t need you.

With a fright, Taehyung jumped when you spun around to him, crouched on your knees with an urgent voice. “I have one plan, and if this plan fails, we are doomed.”

“Sounds promising,” he commented, without giving a plan of his own. Taehyung rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm.

“There’s a balcony,” you explained, moving across the roof to show him, pointing down at the brown painted overhang. He nodded with understanding, “it obviously goes into a room. We could sneak through the building and come out through the front. The herd are around the back, or in the alley, and the ones up front are too tired to react in time. We use that time to run back towards the truck. The group might have stayed behind for us, but if not, we can try to see if any of the cars around the area are salvageable. If all fails...we could camp in a building for the night. Start walking to camp. We’d be there in a day, or two.”

Taehyung stood quietly, thinking.

“It’s risky,” you considered, looking at him, bottom lip between top teeth. “But it’s the only plan I have.”

“It’s the only plan we have,” Taehyung replied. “I couldn’t think of anything better. Are you okay to run?”

Nodding your head, you adjusted the straps of your backpack, tightening it so it would manage the drop in silence. Taehyung hesitated, watching you climb over the half-wall and settle to sit, your legs hanging over the side above the short, nonetheless intimidating drop to the balcony. Quickly, however, he followed; Taehyung heaved himself up next to you, watching nervously as you pushed forward and back, with inner conflict.

“Ready?” he asked, gently, without demand.

Without talking, you pushed.

NEXT CHAPTER.

[unknownauthor]

Captivated

Part 2

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x OC! Reader

Warnings: cursing, arguement, mentions of violence, kidnapping, assault, murder

Part 1

Billy pulled off onto a dirt road, the sky was crimson and orange as the sun went down. It had been three days since he picked me up, three days of constant driving. And while I had managed to grasp sleep here and there, Billy drove on. I didn't know how he stayed awake, but he had managed.

I could feel my anxieties clawing at me, ready to drag me beneath the surface. I was filthy, my hair, oily and greasy, it smelled like sweat. My teeth hadn't been brushed and I could feel the germs, literally smell the overall, overwhelming stench of my body. I was disgusting.

Billy parked in a wooded area, back away from the road. I looked at him wearily as he unbuckled and hopped out of the car. I watched him trudge around to her door and throw it open.

“Get out. Come on.” I fumbled with my seat belt, moving as quickly as I could, but not quick enough for him. He grabbed my hand and yanked me from the seat, I stumbled, but he caught me with ease, setting me steady on my feet.

“Y-you said you wouldn't hurt me.” I whimpered. I backed away, as he opened the back sliding door. He pushed the seat forward, motioning to the back seat.

"No. We're gonna sleep. C’mere.” He held his hand out. I peered around him, looking at the dirty blankets and pillows in the back. I hadn’t noticed them before. A tingling sensation made it's way up my spine, as my anxiety wrapped it's ugly hands around my throat. I began to hyperventilate.

“Layla?” Billy asked, concern lacing his words. He came to me quickly and took my hands in his. His nails were dirty. I scream internally, unused to touch by others. “Layla look at me. Breathe. What's wrong?” he placed a hand on my cheek, making my stomach lurch. I couldn't shake it off. “Look at me.” He said again, I tilted my head to look at his face. He was breathing in an exaggerated fashion, trying to help me. And as cheesy as I always thought that was, I found it endearing now.

We hadn't been this close before, and as I tried to slow down my breathing I studied him. Really studied him for the first time.

His skin was tan, and covered in light freckles. His lips a deep rosy pink and light hair peppered his upper lip. A single curl fell down over his forehead, the rest of his hair crowning his head like a crown. His eyes were an electric blue, his lashes, dark and long. He was….Kinda beautiful.

“You ok?” he asked, stepping back, giving me my space again. I shook my head.

“I can't sleep on that.” I mumbled, blush rising to my cheeks.

“what?” he glanced back, “why not?”

“Germs. A-and…..”

“And?”

“I've never slept with a man before….” He raised an eyebrow, I didn't explain what I meant.

“Okay,” he said annoyed, dragging a hand over his face. “you're like, the worst hostage ever,” he chuckled.

“I'm still a hostage?”

“What else would you be?” I shrugged.

“I don't know…..just doesn't feel like a hostage situation anymore.” It hadn't since the first day. We spent hours at a time cooped up together in the car. We weren't friends, but we weren't enemies either. It was a weird in between.

“Let's get something straight.” Billy stepped back up to me, he crowded my space, making me feel small. “You're not free. Not yet. You try to run, and I will hurt you Layla,” his voice was low, his eyes serious, “and don't get me wrong. You're all right. You seem like a good kid. So don't give me a reason to hurt you. I don't want to.”

“I-Im sorry,” I whimpered. “I guess I got used to-”

“Don't get used to me. This situation is temporary. You'll be back in your cushy old life soon enough.” He turned, slamming the van door shut. “Get in.” He was in a bad mood.

“Where are we going?”

“The laundromat.”

--------------------------

The ride is quiet. I can feel the tension rolling off of Billy. I didn't know what exactly set him off, maybe my anxiety about germs? Whatever it was, I couldn't blame him. I know I can be a handful.

The parking lot is empty, save for Billy’s camaro and one other car, a little further down the way. The fluorescent bright lights shine brightly from within the building. Billy reaches behind his seat, pulling two baseball caps out, and hands one to me.

“Put this on. Keep your head down and don't tell anyone who you are. Understand?” I nodded. He tugged the cap over his head and opened the door. I followed suit, watching him yank open the rear door and start pulling out the blankets and sheets. He stopped, looking over his shoulder. “You gonna help?” he asked.

As much as I didn't want to make him mad, I couldn't do it, “no.” I said quietly. Bellamy just huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Such a fucking princess.” The words stung. There were a thousand other reasons I should be crying at this moment in time, but instead I was hurt and on the verge of tears cuz he thinks I was some spoiled brat. “Can you at least open the door for me?” I turn without a word to hold the door for him

It's quiet, except for the machines and a tv that's playing the news. Great. I thought. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some paper towels, taking them with me towards the table I had first seen, while Billy loads the blankets and sheets. I wiped down the table meticulously, making sure to catch, what looked like a soda stain, that had been left there.

Billy fell into the chair across from me. I could tell he was completely exhausted, and this made me feel bad. Why couldn't I be normal? That was all I wanted. Nothing else. Just to be normal, and not have people look at me like I was a freak.

“Mysophobia.” I said suddenly. Billy grunted, his eyes were closed, head in hand, but he acknowledged me.

“What's that?” he asked.

“Fear of germs basically….When I was a kid my dad died, and my mom started abusing pain medication as a way to cope. Instead of taking care of me she laid on the couch a lot or in bed, high as a kite. The house was always dirty, flies and gnats were everywhere and mice poop was all over the place too. It was really dirty and disgusting.” I take a quick glance to see Billy looking at me with tired eyes. “The school reported my mom to children services, I got taken away while she went to rehab. I stayed with my best friend and his family for a little while. Until my mom got better….That’s when she met Jullian, he's a great guy, and he really helped her. By that time I had already started going to therapy for my anxieties and he was very supportive. He’s a good guy. I kept everything under control until my senior year of high school….” I trailed off, lost in thought, no longer caring if he was paying attention. I just needed to tell someone. Someone other than my psychobabble shrink. “I’d never been in a relationship, so when I met Hellena I really fell for her. Hard….I had always considered myself straight, until I met her, she changed everything for me, and we loved each other a lot. She helped me tell my mom I was Bi. Though my mom was not accepting and completely disowned me for the most part, Hellena stood by me. She didn't care that I was a clean freak. She saw me for me and she loved every bit of me.” I smiled, thinking of my former girlfriend fondly. Hellena had been so beautiful, and strong and brave, everything I wasn't. “She brought something out of me, I didn't even know was there, she helped me become outgoing and confident. I felt like I could conquer the world, with her by my side….but then...Tommy. Tommy came to our school.” I closed my eyes and shuddered, even his name still gave me chills. “He latched onto me right away, and had tried very hard to get me to break up with Hellena to be with him. He started stalking me and wouldn't leave either of us alone...he didn't stop, it continued all the way up through senior year,” I felt a lump in my throat, it was growing, and I had to blink back my tears, “he killed her. He killed Hellena. Shot her right in front of everybody.” I couldn't keep the tears from falling now. “he just walked up as we were entering the school, put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger….I….I was standing right next to her, her blood was all over everywhere. And he looked me in the eyes and said ‘you did this. This is your fault.’....he still hasn't been caught. He's been on the run for two years. And I….i've been even more messed up, ever since….” I finished quickly, not sure if he was even listening anymore. Just to be able to talk made me feel a new sense of relief.

“Why are you telling me this?” Billy’s voice isn't annoyed or angry. There is sympathy layered beneath his words, so I looked up. Billy's face was blank, he stared at his hands in his lap.

“I just didn't want you to really believe I'm a spoiled Princess….Im the furthest thing from it.”

“My opinion shouldn't matter to you.”

“But you're the only one in a hundred mile radius I know. So it does.”

“Jesus Layla, you don't know me.” I flinched at the way he snapped. “I am your captor,” he whispered the word. “This isn't a vacation. I'm not your friend and I don't need to hear your life story.”

“B-but I thought-”

“Whatever you thought is wrong. Look,” he leaned forward. “I'll do what I can to to get you back home safely. But that doesn’t mean we’re friends. Or even that I like you. And as fucked up as your life has been you couldn't handle mine for a minute, You don't have the stomach for it. This isn't destiny or fate it's a temporary crossing of paths. So don't trust me. Don't get used to me. Just don't. Just keep your head down and mouth shut.” I was on the verge of tears again.

“But the sheets-”

“If washing some fucking sheets, keeps you compliant I'll do it. Nothing more.” He stood, wiping his hands on his pants. “Don't mistake me for a good guy. I'm not.” I sniffed, unable to stop the tears. Billy sighed, annoyance subsiding, he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm going to the bathroom. Don't move.”

I sat in stunned silence for a moment, truly processing the last three days for the first time. Billy was only being nice to keep me docile. Keep me from trying to run or find help. He only conversed with me in the car when I initiated conversation, meaning he really didn't care, probably didn't even like me as a person. I must be one fucked up girl if even an admitted serial killer didn't like me.

I looked towards the bathroom, if I was that much of an inconvenience to him I would just leave then. I flung the hat off my head and walked to the door without a second thought about it.

But let’s be real, I had no idea where I was. It was dark out now, the sun long gone and a cool wind was blowing, leaving goose bumps on my arms. I shivered slightly, taking a deep breath and trying not to panic.

“Okay,” I muttered, “Look for help. A police man, mom with kids, anybody.” I scanned the street to see it mostly empty, most people were inside the shops and restaurants, escaping the first chills of autumn. I decided to walk towards a Subway down the road, passing by the same alley of the laundromat and the building beside it.

“Hello pretty.” before I could even get halfway down the sidewalk, arms burst forward from the dark alley, one dirty, smelly hand clamped over my mouth, the other wrapped around my waist, dragging me further back into the darkness. “You're mine,” a ragged voice chuckled against my ear. I gagged as alcohol and cigarette breath wafted into my face. Panic seized me as I was drug further into the darkness of the alley.

Billy’s P.O.V

I splashed some water on my face, and rubbed my eyes. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little vial I always kept with me. It was the only way I kept going when I was working like this, days on end, with no break, I opened the cap and made a small line of the white powder on the back of my hand. I lifted it to my nose, and inhaled. “Ah, yeah,” I grunted, tilting my head back, I could feel the powder sliding down my throat. I leaned forward and looked at my watery eyes in the mirror. “Man up. Come on Billy. She just a scared little girl. She’ll be okay,” I mumbled, before pushing myself off the sink and leaving the bathroom.

I did feel bad for what I said. Layla just pushed and pushed, this girl was getting under my skin.

‘I’m the furthest thing from it.’ Her words echoed in my head.

I was pulled from my thoughts though, when I rounded the corner to see her seat empty. I looked around, walked towards the women’s restroom, she wasn’t in there, I looked. Where the fuck did she…..

It takes me a minute.

But I gets it.

Sheets and blankets abandoned, I dart towards the doors, bursting out into the cool night air.

Layla P.O.V

I struggled, kicking my feet and screaming against the hand clamped over my mouth. Tears stream down my face. How could I be so stupid. I didn’t even know where I was. I should have stayed. Even if Billy was a killer, he wouldn’t have hurt me. He said so. The man holding me, buries his face in my hair, taking in my scent. I do throw up, the stench of him was too much to bear.

“Fuck!” The man shoved me against the brick wall of the laundromat building. He grabbed one wrist and pinned it above my head, the other he held behind my back. My mouth free now, I sobbed, loud and broken, unable to think of anything except my regrets. I should have stayed put. The man chuckled, pressing against me, I felt something small and hard press against my butt. “Gonna teach you not to throw up on me you little bitch,” he grunted. He held me down with his body, freeing one hand, he reached around my front, shoving his hand in my pants. My mind went white with panic.

“BILLY!” It was loud. It echoed. The scream ripped through my throat, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything but scream for him. “BILLY!” The man grabbed a fistfull of my hair, yanking my head back, and slamming it against the brick. White hot pain seared across my brain, I crumpled to the ground, my ears were ringing, and my eyes stung. “B...Billy.” I whimpered. Black spots danced across my vision. I saw something shiny in the stranger’s hand.

“Fucking cunt. I’ll gut you like a-” I wasn’t sure I heard it right, the pounding of footsteps, but I did see another body tackle the stranger to the ground.

Billy’s P.O.V

“BILLY!” My head snapped up. I looked towards the alleyway beside the laundromat. Really? She hadn’t even gotten that far and she was already calling for me to come get her. I scoffed, smirking as I turned towards the alley. “BILLY!” this time I froze. Layla was screaming bloody murder. Like someone was….I rushed into the alley, it was dark, but I could see two solid shapes. One crumpled to the ground, another standing over the first, with a knife in its hand. “B...Billy.” the shape on the ground whimpered. I charged towards the knife wielder.

“Fucking cunt. I’ll gut you like a-” I jumped the solid form, knocking him to the ground. I heard the knife fall out of his hand. I adjust myself, sitting on the man’s chest, I wrapped my hands around his throat and pressed. The man struggled, but I had actual practice. I was good at this. I pushed down as hard as I could, all of my weight bared down on my forearms. The man gurgled and twitched until….nothing.

I exhaled. Finally. And turned my attention to Layla.

Third Person P.O.V

Gentle, calloused hands cradled Layla’s face. Her vision was blurry, it was really dark, but she knew it was Billy. She smiled, her head throbbing. “I...I’m-”

“Shh.” Billy pulled her into his arms. He scooped her up, and carried her out of the alleyway. “Don’t ever fucking run from me like that again.” his words are sharp, but somewhere beneath them, she feels like he cares. She buried her face in his shirt, feeling comforted, the pain and hurt she felt towards him earlier forgotten. She was grateful.

“Thank you.” she whispered, barely aware that he had placed her into the back of the camaro. She felt something thick and warm, a denim jacket maybe? Fall over her shoulders before she blacked out.

Part 3?

[norcumii]

Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs.  Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.

[sakurachoi2096]

What is Love? [ Chapter 6 ]

Title: What is love?  Chapt 1 | Chapt 2 |  Chapt 3 | Chapt 4 |  Chapt 5

Genre: Fluff | Angst | Smut

Characters: Im Jaebum | Got7 | Reader

Warning/s: none

Summary: Jaebum was your childhood friend. Both of you had a beautiful, strong bond. Like sister and brother after all your families practically saw each other every day. However, he entered in JYP to be a trainee and you was preparing for medical school. Since then both were only able to talk trough kakao talk, after a few years once he was stable as an Idol and you as Doctor, you guys decided that it was finally time to meet again. Having no idea what was about to come next.

Author: Sakura Choi (me)

A/N: New Character [ Jooheon Monsta X ]

Few days have passed and finally the moving day was come, after you washed up and ate some good breakfast to go throughout the day since you didn’t knew when you were going be able to eat something again, actually your plans was to move the things to your house, clean really fast and try to cook something. With that in mind you called Mark, since he offered himself to help you

‘’Y/N-ah, hello’’ he said with his calm voice

‘’Markie, the van for the moving is here I will be there with them like in 30 minutes, could you wait me outside to check them ? It’s my first time moving and I am kind worried’’

‘’Markie?’’ he giggled ‘’Of course, I will be waiting outside don’t worry too much’’

You ignored the question he made ‘’Thank you so much I will see soon then’’ immediately after hanging up the phone the people that would help you with the boxes and everything knocked on the door, you opened and in that moment, you started shaking, this uncontrollably smile came to you face, your muscles hurting almost from it. It was it. The new chapter of your life was starting and what a great new start, with you childhood friend Jaebum like a neighbor, the boys who were already really close with you  and Jooheon who was starting to get some impact in your life but not so much to be in first place still. Sounds cruel. However, that is how life works sometimes; not everything that goes on need to have an impact sometimes it just happens. For some reason, you remembered why you didn’t like before dealing with relationships in particular; friends would come to you telling their problems with their partner, one would get overly jealous over a little thing or they would breakup because of a fight that had no sense. How could they be with each other if they act like t2o years old, is that supposed to be love? You asked yourself a million of times. If they don’t like each other, or if they fight too much, why keep up with a relationship? That is one of the reasons you wanted to start slowly with Jooheon, not as girlfriend and boyfriend but as friends that are seeing if they match, you don’t want to hurt yourself or him.

With those thought in mind, the time literally went so fast you were already in front of your new house. You pecked over your car and you saw Mark waiting in from of your gates.

‘’Markie thank you for helping me seriously, I have been saying this a lot but this means a lot to me’’ you smiled nervously

‘’Don’t worry too much, should I help them with the boxes or something?’’

‘’Nonono, that is not your job’’ both laughed ‘’Just stay here checking them while I go inside and tell them where I want the boxes to go’’ Mark nodded while you went inside skipping with excitement, like a little girl. You knew exactly where you wanted everything, the boxes filled with books would go in this room in the first floor that had a big window for the backyard that place you decorate like it one of those dream offices you had in mind. However, you wanted to apply the Feng shui in your house and harmonize everything. The other boxes were literally just clothes, which they went directly to the second floor to the master room, was the biggest room of the house with a beautiful balcony that had glasses door, which was directed to the horizon, you could see the park that was nearby. After a while, everything was over, you payed the people that brought your stuff and invited Mark inside for the first time.

‘’Wow, never knew this house was so beautiful and had a lot of details going on here’’

‘’I know, right? That’s why I like this house so much I’ve always wanted a place on my own you know and finally’’ You sighed loudly

’’But I thought you were bringing some furniture with you, I mean like a fridge or a small bed at least?’’

‘’The bed I had was from the apartment which was not mine, my fridge was incredibly old and ugly so I just figured out I could by some take out or something and sleep on the floor you know ?’’

‘’Girl hell no, we are going to buy some stuff today I can let you be like that otherwise you will sleep with us’’

‘’I don’t know man and also I promised Jae that he would help me with that … Well whatever at least lets go buy a mattress for here and some groceries and I can cook for you guys? Jinyoung gets home today, right ? I want to talk to him about a few things he told me’’  

‘’I see you got close with Jinyoung too, girl you are on fire but that sounds good for me’’

You look at Mark weirded out ’’What do you mean with that ?’’

‘’don’t worry you will figure it out soon or later’’ He laughed as he grabbed your arm to get going

‘’What?!’’ you said hurriedly, what a little piece of shit you thought to yourself. You did not like those kind of games he was trying to pull, maybe you were overthinking but something was clearly going on. However, those thoughts suddenly disappeared as you started to have fun while you were out for groceries and for the mattress; your feelings were easy to change when you were not feeling really. In personality, you were really chill, funny and incredible serious at the same time; you did not take things for granted but you had this ‘’don’t piss me off’’ thing, but it was whatever for some people. The night came, you set everything in your house and went to the boys dorm, they were all there expect for Jinyoung who was on his way to the dorm and Jaebum who was in Japan filming a commercial. You asked what they wanted and they had all this different ideas so, you kind of tried to make everything for them. Youngjae and Bambam were helping you, Yugyeom was telling you about the dance competition he had, Jackson was talking to Mark and being loud as always. Suddenly, the door opened and Jinyoung arrived, everyone greeted him happily, so you too

‘’Oppa, welcome back! You had a nice flight?’’

He nodded ‘’wow, thank you for cocking for us. I heard from Mark hyung that you have food in your house’’

‘’I need to buy a new fridge, Jae is coming back tomorrow by morning right? So, he will help me’’ Everyone looked at each other with this face ‘’I know something you don’t know’’

‘’Yeah … oh right, I actually brought you something that I thought we could open tonight as a celebration to your new house, it’s a Wine from Chile’’

You looked shocked and happy ‘’oh my god thank you but how did you know I liked Chilean wine ?’’

‘’I asked Jaebum Hyung but he told us to not let you drink to much’’ they laughed

You smiled forced, remembering that you were somewhat mad with him and since the last day he called you guys haven’t talked, guiltiness raised up your whole body; it was weird not talking to each other for so long. You snapped out of your thoughts ‘’Lets celebrate then, why don’t you go freshen up while I finish this with this cute sunshine and the pretty boy’’ he nodded and left. Youngjae cracking up as always and Bambam got pretty shy, you finished and asked them to set the table while you went to the balcony for a moment.

You saw this black car park in front of the building, but you didn’t pay attention to it; you grabbed your phone and texted Jaebum ‘’Jae? I am sorry for the last time I hung up the phone’’ ‘’Are you mad?’’ ‘’We haven’t talk’’ ‘’I know you are busy but…’’ immediately it appeared the read mark on the messages but no response; he is really mad you thought to yourself. You heard in the distance a door closing, you thought it was Jinyoung who finished changing, but when you stood in the living room and looked up you saw him, with his tall presence and glancing direct at you his black piercing eyes.

‘’Wha-?!’’ you couldn’t finished

‘’I am home, were you scared?’’ he laughed looking at you while he brushed his belongings to the side of the living room

‘’I thought you were coming home tomorrow’’ you said in a low tone

‘’Something came up besides we have things to do tomorrow, you and I .. and what is up with those texts I just received from you?’’ he said with a big smile, while the boys looked at you intrigued with what was happening between you two

‘’I thought you were mad at me or something you piece of shit, why didn’t call or texted? I am the one who is supposed to be angry and not apologizing’’ you said fast

He laughed his lungs off ‘’I am sorry I got busy-‘’

‘’Ohh hyung acting all cool I see you’’ said Jackson teasingly, Jaebum looked at him with his prominent chin, pissed. Jackson went behind Yugyeom laughing; you looked at them and went to give Jaebum a hug and punched his arm but instead of hurting his arm it hurted your hand

‘’Man what the heck is your arms made off?’’ you growled ‘’Anyways whatever let’s eat otherwise the food will get cold’’

‘’Hyung, Y/A Noona made all this~’’ said BamBam ‘’But I helped and Youngjae Hyung too~’’ he said proudly

‘’Since when you cook?’’ Jaebum asked surprised

You looked at him and rolled your eyes ‘’Since when your mom obligated me to learn, she said I need to learn if I ever wanted to get married someday-‘’ before you could finish the boys started crackling up with the idea of you getting married, you laughed with them too but it was actually not going to happen.  

Next day you woke up with the sound of someone knocking on your door vigorously, you ran to the door to only see it was Jaebum ‘’Jae what are you doing here it’s only 7 in the morning?’’

‘’Come on, go change so we can eat breakfast and go buy your furniture I already ordered a few stuff that I know you will like’’

Since you were half sleep and half awake, you did not payed attention to what he said and went to take a shower. You changed in some comfy clothes and head up with him to buy your things, Jaebum was a little too comfortable around you and knew exactly how you liked things and how things should be done, he didn’t even asked and took your keys to drive.

‘’So I was thinking about having like a small party this weekend of you course I want you and the boys to be there, I was planning to invited a few more people that is close to me too’’

‘’That’s great tell me if you want help in the day to set things up’’

‘’Really ? Then lets do this, I will do this on Saturday and on Sunday we can go to your moms house to stay until Tuesday?’’

‘’Fine for me, I called her yesterday and told her we were going by the end of the week so she is so happy’’

You looked to Jaebum pleased as you guys searched for new furniture to the house, kitchen things, new bed sheets, basically everything you needed.

[richpeopleband-blog]

Catch Up

So I’m playing catch-up the past two weeks since coming home from Warped Tour, and one of the things I need to catch up on is blogging. Over the summer I decided to take my social text updates to my personal facebook where I wrote long posts about the days and weeks and actually months I spent on tour. I left my apartment June 1st for a two week tour with Rich People and Tranquility from Michigan. Spent a few days in the midwest then came back east and ended up in Philly for 3 days then literally just left for two months to go sell merch for Grayscale on Warped Tour. I was gone for a while then I got home and everything just stopped. All the friends I made all summer went back to California and Massachusetts and everywhere else they’re from. Even Grayscale. They moved into a new place right before we left that’s just far enough away that I can’t just pop-in like I used to when they were in Northern Liberties. We were living like brothers all summer. On top of each other all day everyday walking around a festival and a bus, sleeping in bunk beds, getting each others’ food, watching each other’s backs and introducing each other to everyone we met. We moved as a unit. We had stressful moments a few times for sure, but for the most part we honestly laughed harder and more consistently and for a longer duration than I ever have before in my life. It was the best summer of my life without any competition. I felt more at home with those guys than some of my closest friends in the city or even Jersey where I grew up. They got me and I got them. A lot of the ways they are untangled faulty belief systems I’ve had about myself and others my entire life without them even saying words. I’ll keep this short and just say it was truly therapeutic. I needed that. We spent off days with Movements and Four Year, and I ended every night sitting in lawn chairs with Jake and Joe and sometimes Regan and John.

I got close with so many people so fast, but we got home and it all stopped. Luckily we have phones and social media and we all chat a bunch still but the close physical proximity to a lot of really great friends just fell off, and I fell into depression. I’m not quite out of it even as I type this two weeks later. Sure I’ve sprung back into my normal rhythm and finally started a new job two days ago, but honestly it’s hard for me to justify getting out of bed lately. I straight up don’t feel like it. I slept until 4:36PM the first day I got home and shrugged it off like oh that’s fine we didn’t get home until 7AM. After that though the excuses have just gotten thinner and thinner. I’m just not really taking care of myself. I usually stay very active and hit the gym a bunch and work a lot, but it’s been tough kick starting that. I went to gym maybe twice since I got home and did a minimal amount of things then drove home. I don’t have much money for food right now so I’ve been cooking tofu or eggs and pasta twice a day. I’m very hungry pretty often, but my funds are a little tight and I’m working on getting back on my feet. I’m definitely eating enough food so this isn’t a cry for help or anything like that. I have enough to hit the grocery store and stock my basics every week. I’m just trying to describe the overall feeling. I get really good news about huge opportunities for Rich People and all of this great stuff is happening around us and we’re about to record next week and we got beautiful new merch made and yada yada yada everything’s falling in place and I just can’t feel it right now. The positives of this are that our show Friday will be one of our best ever. When I feel raw like this I often build up then let everything in me come out when we play shows.

It’s also fine to feel this way. That’s a big thing I’ve realized in adulthood. It’s fine to be depressed. Depression is just a feeling. As a society we spend so much thought and energy trying to suppress certain feelings that we have deemed unsafe or scary. We call it negative and we can’t accept it. My personal truth is that I get depressed sometimes. I had extremely severe depressions starting at age twelve. There were some episodes before that, but that was the first time I was truly depressed and couldn’t shake it all day everyday for months. It was crippling. I was afraid of day-time and light and I was afraid of the night and the way I let the TV consume me. Back then I didn’t know how to deal so we started going to shows and got a rush from that. Then we started bands and started feeling like I belonged somewhere, but I couldn’t shake all the back and forth anger and depression. Anger became my favorite place to go because it beat depression as far as feeling alive goes. In my teen years I tried joining sports teams and clubs and disqualified myself from all of it. I tried medications and combinations of medications and therapy only to disqualify the help. I started drinking heavily whether I was with people of alone at age 15 and the rest is history that you can read about in my other 8 million blogs. The point is I never accepted my depressions even in my mid-twenties with multiple years clean and in a recovery program for years. I stil believed that feelings should be controlled and that “bad feelings” needed to go away. I’ve had thoughts of wanting to die so long and so consistently at this point that I just laugh them off and keep it moving at this point. It’s fine to have some humor and just accept the passing thoughts. Part of me will always be a “crazy person.” I talk openly and honestly with a big group of friends/fellow recovering addicts who completely get me on a very regular basis and I stay in tune with a solution based lifestyle. I keep my feet moving in the direction that I want to go at all times and allow my head to move at its own pace. I’ve practiced the lifestyle I live long enough that the volume on my pain is much much lower than it was when I was younger. Im not cured and I haven’t outsmarted my negative sense of self, lack of self worth, and general fear of life and living, but that’s not really my objective anymore. Just accepting myself and others and my role in this place and keeping it fucking moving. At this point I’m just ok.

[littlenemoonhbo]

Hey mom. I went to church and prayed over the matter of the crazy person and Jesus put it on my heart that its best to talk to him since he stole a picture of my birth certificate and the prayer gave me the instinct to check on it so he doesn't steal my apartment.  The preacher at the West Park Church (my preacher I booked art/film sessions for 2011-2012 occupy wallstreet before my roommate and fellow occupier died of crack in 2013 (after teddy died they sold me room and then preacher sent me to the shelter over homelessness)lost the room/got forwarded to the shelter after working with the preacher for living and ballerina dance bookings + Christian attendance housing via Occupy Wallstreet.  Living at the church for 3 years the preacher robert breuscheur of the west park presyptarian church has become a good friend and source of legal advice about the shelter which I frequently think of sueing (for inhuman conditions I have documented) Im very much afraid of this guy who keeps making paper copies of my information I already got and telling staff he's going to take my a (Preacher robert l breuscheur of the west park Presbyterian church who forwarded me to this shelter after my roommate died of crack in 2013 and his assistant from Columbia University Danielle gave me paperwork validating my work so I didn't have to go homeless. who I worked for under occupy film I visited for help on the stimulus fraud) said this crazy guy at the shelter who copied my info could/wants to file me as an dependent or try and says he's going to pretend to be you filing me as a dependent? The whole thing has become really insulting, he hugs me says were best friends, then says he's gonna committee suicide and then says I don't deserve a mom has gonna spit on her give her Corina Virus tell her to send me to rehab and steal her stimulus calms down offers me medication to help with my narcolepsy and then gets in fights with people. I don't want the guy to get staff to take away my apartment

by bothering them so I learned to talk to no one the guy says he's gonna kill himself daily but the preacher said to check up on him because he has my info. He keeps questioning my sleep labs and gets his medication with a fake name, says he sympathizes with my narcolepsy gives out free weak medications and then screams rehab, I learned not to talk to him, the preacher says he is trying to steal my picture to say he has narcolepsy and went to sleep labs to steal my apartment and telling them to send me to rehab so I can get Corona Virus not him, I walk away after saying hi to be nice.

I tried to kill him with kindness but realize he's schitzophrenic. Its really insulting you that makes me cringe, I told him I was going to Connecticut to avoid him and he keeps bringing it up and drooling on me (This person pretends to have ADD but has schitzophrenic ) (since I told the pasteurize of his insane behavior-fighting any homeless person that came near me "claiming were brothers one second offering me medication to help with my narcolepsy to then START screaming and tell me I don't have narcolepsy and didn't deserve an apartment should die of COVID and need rehab (after being friendly asking about how my treatments are coming along and my student loan President biden school work-he's unstable keeps claiming unto me!

[YOUR]"mother filed me as a dependent and she has my business loan money." As on her believes he's going to steal your social security/by telling YOU! MY! MOTHER! im dead and get my apartment and stimulus by saying he's stimulus shelter help...he keeps saying this daily! Never so insulted! Staff no care! Very afraid preacher Robert Bruecheur at West Park Church says document it. 

AND he keeps telling me im LITERALLYthe virus I don't deserve a mother or to go to SCHOOL (when I was praying he told me im satanic and killed her! I documented this for lawyers.) 

I avoid staff so I dont get sent away get apartment. Looking into another shelter called Brightpoint Health the church suggested after my most recent visit. 

He claims he needed money more looked into credit freeze/social security freeze incase he is using my number. Is literally saying he made my bushwick brooklyn apartment and attended my school of visual arts education. He mimics what I say I dont even think he told the shelter his teal name.  said a lot of weird things like he was going to take my apartment/disability for My state apartment "and is giving me a corporate credit card just needs to document me as an emplyee". He jeeps saying really insulting things like he's going to tell my mother to give him my money and "he knows she owes money still on her house". He bought my novel on Amazon.com and is pretending to be me / trying to steal my university of hartford transcript which they wont give him (I looked up credit activity and put a freeze on it. Getting IRS on this! Just aboiding him and following preachers advice.) 

He claims hes going to tell "my mother im crazy and expose me to my doctors that I have hypersomnia not narcolepsy and get my mother to give him my stimulus? Very threatening and odd person and gets in fights all the time screams at me after getting in a fight in the street he gonna kill himself if I dont listen to him. I [He doesn't know what this is but appears to believe he can steal my info and apartment placement by claiming im ill undeserving and never went to the school of visual arts or sleep labratories (since he got very jealous! Of my apartment interview! I told him I went to my mothers and he just kept claiming "SHE FILED YOU AS A DEPENDENT: TOOK YOIR STIMULIS YOU NEED REHAB (after giving me my OWN medication he gets under a false name! Says he gonna take my apartment placement and SNAP identification: ALL BECAUSE HE SAW MY PAPER APPLICATION TO FILM SCHOOL+ AND APARTMENT! (Which the state asks for diagnose for President Biden/Shelter to pay for your rent/electric.

Most insane person ever claims he gonna tell the government/STIMULIS and social security people IM DIEING OF COVID! Even said I don't deserve a mom he gonna call her and tell her im dieing of COVID and steal stimulus from me by screaming at my moms im not narcoleptic im a drug addict (so he can steal my apartment! This after seeing my sleep lab photos and doctor papers on getting into new medication! He offers me MY OWN MEDICATION as a friend one minute sees I have narcolepsy and cares about my film school Joe Biden application (and then another second claims I am rehab addict and dont have narcolepsy because he saw my papers saw hypersomnia tells me he worships the devil is going to kill himself, throws chairs to threaten me or scare me (after saying im his only friend he has no family been crying and begs me to talk to him kr he'll kill himself!) and claims he'll have staff send me to rehab (so he can have my apartment) AND CALL MY MOM TO HAVE HER ADD HIm AS A DEPEDNDENT (take my stimulus and demand she give him "the business credit sign off he deserves, because he is going to tell my mother im dead and get her to give him my stimulus money?" Also claims he will tell my mother im dead to switch my social security application in his name (by showing he has my picture over a video and saying I died from the virus? I documeted this encase I have to send this to court/IRS to get the stimulus back. Pure schitzophrenic. I avoid rhis person most days. 

   HE GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT told me im his only friend and then said he was gonna kill himself if I dont talk to him and start a business. Breaks down after veibg friendly and demand I die of corona virus go to rehab to staff and then they give him my apartment (but he's lieing about his real name and going to the school of visual arts which is on my application for the apartment they interviewed me for! The preacher and staff said to ignore him so I guess he cant oretend to be me and say im dead to steal my apartment and call my mom and tell her I killed his wife im satanic )which he claimed when I prayed to Joel olstein….then went back to normal.  I am working with the pasteurize from the church on finding other Section-8 housing but he said to stick it through and avoid him,just pray for him, document his words on saying "he's going to call my mom tell her im dead orin rehab to steal my stimulus" and kt listen to his claimms im satanic. Im pretty afraid offended by this guy but will just document for lawyers in case he stole my stimulus. Hopefully I dot have to call the cops. He got in another fight yesterday and said he was gonna kill himself. But tge staff said hopefully I hear back soon. Pray for me. Baby angels love you mom just keeping you updated but I think I have it under control and have a new doctor appointment scheduled, since he stole the phone number and then practice probably will not wish to continue after being heckled. Third time I lost a narcolepsy/ADD sleep lab doctor to tjis shelter. Hope to move soon. Love you mom have a good day at work. Talk soon.