#im not very far into tgr but still

[reckless-rider]

JEAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <333

[odetojupiter]

tgr spoilers

i’ve honestly got both too much and not a lot to say at all so i’m kicking this shit off with one thought and then i will let myself stew of the rest for a couple days:

jean criticises andrew for smoking, attacking his ability to protect (neil specifically) based on andrew’s apparent apathy towards his own health. he brings up the championship match, in which andrew’s sheer speed had been the only reason for neil’s survival, claiming not only that he barely made it last time, but suggesting that if he were to carry on smoking, his health would deteriorate in a way that would slow him down when it came down to it again. andrew of course brushes this off - he’s never doubted his ability to protect people, we see that throughout the original series. despite knowing the might he’s up against he doesn’t doubt that he’s able to get himself between people and their attackers, because he never has been too slow (not when it comes to his people, anyway - the only time he wasn’t able to protect neil was after neil had broken their deal, and it wasn’t a case of being too slow, it was a case of not knowing what the fuck was going on). andrew presents himself as a protector, and jean criticises this one thing that andrew is confident in himself with.

and then:

andrew, for all intents and purposes, wasn’t fast enough to see the attack coming at him - it wasn’t speed that saved him, unlike when he saved neil at the championships game, it was him losing his balance. but that still wasn’t enough to prevent him being injured at all. and then neil, in his attempt to reach andrew, was knocked down too:

and she doesn’t relent - unlike andrew, who had aaron and matt on his attackers within an instant, neil was knocked down so quickly and those who came to help him - kevin, namely - was side tracked with their own attackers. andrew was already injured at this point, and with wymack slowing him down trying to stop him joining the fight, he just isn’t quick enough.

until of course he over powers wymack and intercepts lane just in time to prevent her getting back to neil to finish what she started. (as far as im aware, there were three counts of attempted murder on that court, though of course it’s andrew that gets suspended first - whatever)

we are finally arriving at my point don’t worry:

andrew, who admonishes neil for wasting cigarettes, takes a cigarette out only to destroy it without lighting it. in light of what happened on the court - though of course andrew could in no way be expected to have helped neil all things considered - and considering the conversation jean had with andrew about him not being fast enough next time (he had to see neil curled up, bloodied, barely moving, and jean had said to him he’d have to watch neil die because he wouldn’t be fast enough) — am i far-fetched in thinking andrew is maybe taking jean’s words more seriously after what happened at the game?

of course, he could’ve been told to not smoke on whatever medication he’s potentially been put on for his injury - and clearly he’s loosening some control as he lets aaron drive his car - but it feels like a weighted thing to notice when you put it into context with andrew’s desperate need to protect people, his fear of losing neil, and the idea that maybe he wasn’t fast enough that time. something that jean had pointed out to him a month before.

if he is quitting - which of course, maybe he’s not maybe he is, i doubt we’ll ever get that confirmed - i’m going to consider him giving ground in that way as an internalisation of guilt for the extent of neil’s injuries, which breaks my heart when considering andrew was attacked first and it was neil trying to get to andrew to save him this time. (it seems like no one it ever quite quick enough to save andrew)

just thinking about andrew, very rarely moved by people’s criticisms of him, internalising something after what he may consider a failure of his purpose to protect (which, is heartbreaking in itself) giving ground because he feels responsible somehow. and i hurt so much for him if that’s the case. i guess to summarise my point cause i don’t even know if ive made one yet: if andrew is quitting smoking because jean said he’d be too slow next time, then that means andrew is accepting a guilty part in not being able to help neil, which shows that his need to protect others (neil) exceeds his own self-worth, as he places no weight on his own severe injury when it comes to whether or not he could’ve helped neil (and then, in spite of his injury, he drags himself into the fight to help neil as best he can) of course we’ve seen this before, when drake attacked him and all he cared about was aaron, but it’s harrowing to see it again, especially when we know andrew doesn’t have a deal to protect neil anymore - he’s just choosing to do it anyway.

feel free to say i’m chatting out my arse with this cause it doesn’t say he’s quitting (obviously jeremy wouldn’t know either way) but this is what i’ve been stuck on thinking for the last few hours.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TGR CHAPTER 13 THOUGHTS

***also i forgot to add to the last posts but goes without saying THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS

- i have a full day at uni today so i won’t get to read much :/ gonna do my best tho

- the trojans having to lock down the campus and hire extra security to deal with reporters and busybodies oh boy u guys are practically foxes now!!

- random thought but i want everyone to know that pretty much everything i have learnt about american states (where they are, their names etc), how american high school/college to professional sports works, and the american college system has been because of reading aftg so thank u nora for that

- jean 🤝 neil

being passed around by their teammates in their first week of classes

“Shane left Jean with Xavier and Min instead, who turned him over to Nabil an hour later, and then Emma and Mads came to steal him away. Jeremy returned only ten minutes before Cody could stake a claim on Jean’s time.”

it’s just so funny to me

- “Knowing it had come off another man’s body made it twice as terrible.” *olivia rodrigo voice* jealousy, jealousy!!

- FALL BANQUET TIME LETS GOOOOO

- ok we are finally finding out more about jeremy’s past and why he doesn’t go to the banquets,, will check back in!

- also jean only looking at the articles about jeremy for his picture 😭

- “Not the kind of guy you wanted to get in an argument with back then, you know?” ok interesting interesting, getting to know past jeremy a little bit

- oh fuck.

oh jeremy. this is so much sadder than i expected. i cannot imagine how fucking guilty jere feels about his brothers death

- disregard my earlier excitement about the fall banquet i am now very sad and nervous

- jean saying he will ask jeremy for his past rather than listening to someone else tell him and saying he will protect jeremy at the banquet is soooo neil and andrew coded

- “ He’d gotten Neil through three weeks at the Nest; dragging Jeremy through one banquet would be easy. Having to behave would be the only difficult part.” :((

- “trust the man to never run out of anything to say.” so u called for jean

- “I will leave you behind at the next rest stop.” ​Jeremy’s smile was radiant and unafraid, and Jean had to look away even before Jeremy said, “You wouldn’t.” OKKKK I SEE U ANDREIL PARALLEL

- “I’m not learning French for anyone but you.” ​Getting kicked in the chest would be a little less painful. “ BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!!!!!!

- “They get you all the time. You should stay and gossip with us.” again, may i repeat, i fucking love derrick and derek

- “a ridiculous demand when there was nothing to gain from his company this far from a court.” absolutely devastating, someone let me kiss jean on the forehead and tell him he is worth more than just his ability to play

- jean offering to teach jere a phrase in french just so jere can use it if he wants to leave the banquet is so fucking wholesome and sweet

and then

“Jean mercilessly bullied him until he got it right.” ofc he did

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

- YES GOD PLS WATCH THE FOXES GAME IM BEGGING FOR MORE CRUMBS I MISS MY FAMIKY SO MUCH

- THE FOXES WON THEIR FIRST MATCH!!!!!

- rematch between the foxes and ravens is on my dads birthday that’s crazy

- “Jeremy couldn’t make the first move here no matter how desperately he wanted to tug a few more buttons loose.” jean is making jeremy lose his mind i love it

-“Jeremy would be lucky to know his own name when Jean was standing between his legs like this.” SHUT UPPP I CANT DEAL

- “No. Not to you.” LEAVE ME ALONE RN JEREMY WOULD NEVER LIE TO JEAN!!! HE WANTS JEAN TO BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM!!!

- “No. The details cannot matter tonight. You are my captain and my partner; that is all I need to know. I will stand with you against them.” ​“You and me against the world,” i think nora is actively trying to kill me

- wildcats captain: i’ve heard so much about u jean!

jean: i don’t fucking know u bitch don’t talk to me.

- guys i’m not so happy to confirm i was right about the drugs and that being one of jeremy’s big secrets. scared to find out more

- go fuck urself all the way to hell connors u piece of absolute dog shit

- jean defending the trojans is so neil and kevin coded

- torres our knight in shining armour we love and appreciate u!

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

- “Let me fight him. I will make sure he never plays again.” When Jeremy only shook his head, Jean promised, “I will do it with no witnesses.”

- ok jean holding jeremy by his chin and making him look at jean is mirroring andrew’s neck hold for neil - they are grounding, a reminder that the other is there and a desire to be let in

- “Derek and Derrick brought over a gaggle of friends they’d made over the years, excited to show off their infamous teammate, and Jeremy heard Tanner hyping him up at one of the freshmen’s meet-and-greets.”

GODDDDD i actually can’t describe how happy this makes me like it’s exactly what jean deserves, for people to want to be friends with him to enjoy his company and be silly and playful with him

- “acouple players who’d studied French in high school or were currently taking it sneaked over to practice with Jean, and Jean gave them his undivided attention.” FUCKING ADORABLE

- Lmaooooo jean not wanting to speak to a signal person for a week post banquet is sooo me after extensive socialisation. i become a hermit

- fuck this faser guy, jere u deserve better

- “it all seemed so childish and self-centered compared to Jean’s more brutal tragedies.”

once again, please don’t compare your family/home life issues and trauma to others. u have endured enough without torturing yourself into thinking u don’t deserve to be upset about your problems and the way u were treated because u think that your experiences are not as bad as someone else’s. do not invalidate urself or ur feelings

- jesus fucking christ this is so fucking depressing. oh jere my heart goes out to u. the whole party and noah situation is such a tangled mess and at the heart of it all is jeremy’s guilt

- well that was a rollercoaster chapter

[gatsby-system-folks]

No autocorrect challenge...

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