#im not the only one in slutty mood today i guess

[punklemon]

[the1975attheirverybest]

Not to dampen the mood, but I'm struggling with depression today . How do you cope with a depressive episode?

aww, babe, i'm sorry. sending you hugs and lots of love 💗🩷💜

This is likely to be a long ass rant, so apologies in advance for what is below the cut, lmao. This is, as sad as it seems, my one area of expertise since i'm depressed 24/7. So... yeah.

some depressive episodes are worse than others and some days are harder than others, so i guess determine what kinda day you're having? Sounds dumb but like on really difficult days, when im not able to do jackshit, if I try to force myself to push through it, and i inevitably fail cuz mental illness, it can make me feel even worse about myself.

SO, i guess first, decide, is it a rotting day or is it a "lets do SOMETHING today"?

if it's a rotting day, thats okay! embrace it! put on the comfort show that you dont even have the energy to focus on watching, stay in your pajamsas if thats what you need. let yourself have that and remember that its a LITERAL ILLNESS its the equivalent of trying to walk with a broken leg, its fuckin hard, man.

I have a "depression cheat sheet" that I originally made for my ex cuz he was also a mentally ill human and when you have two of those in one relationship it's....yeahh...

I think it's something like this:

Drink a glass of water

eat a home cooked meal

take a shower

go for a walk

Those are the essentials. sometimes even those need to be abbreviated. like maybe you order in, instead of cooking, but if you can cook, it really helps to do 1 task from start to finish! or maybe instead of a shower, you just brush your teeth. sometimes even that feels impossible. if you have to sit down while doing it, sit down. there are no rules that say you must stand up to clean your teeth!!

IF it's a day where you are able to do more, maybe do stuff to engage your 5 senses? that usually helps to ground me in the real world and get me out of my head. so...fluffy blanket, a strongly scented candle, music, fresh air, anything thats about YOUR BODY.

and if its a day where you feel like pushing through, trust me, don't go about your day as normal. pick an easy task. people always say that you should put the hardest part of your to do list at the top. THAT IS NOT FOR THE MENTALLY ILL, YALL! start with something you KNOW you are likely to complete. for me, that's always reading 5 pages of whatever book im working my way through that day. but sometimes it's journaling for 10 min, sometimes its literally watching a matty healy slutty edit and then doing some morning stretches! notice howim not saying "read a whole chapter," or "journal for half an hour." THE GOAL IS ACHIEVABLE. SMALL WINS. It builds the momentum in your brain and makes you more likely to complete the next task if you start off with success. ESPECIALLY if you're an ADHD girlie like myself who already has a dopamine deficiency that makes your brain crave that shit.

Here's the hard part: routine. again as someone with ADHD and anxiety and shit, routine is so so so hard for me. but its the most helpful for depression. you'll be tempted, the second that your brain starts to feel even a bit better, to just do whatever you like. NO, NO, NO! stay on that routine. waking up and going to bed at the same time everyday, doing the same things like coffee/ breakfast, work/ exercise, in the same order, helps get you started. There's a reason that George mentioned it in that Tape Notes episode when mentioning his own depression. it helps. it sucks. but it helps lmao.

this one is lame but: you're a human being. you're allowed to fall apart, cry, suck, not feel okay, not be productive, feel like dying, etc. as long as you dont actually die, then its okay. life is fuckin hard man. being alive is hard. and every day that you successfully get out of bed in the morning is a win. the only reason you dont feel like that is because capitalism has taught us to put a quantity onto our self-worth but that is literally fake. you are worthy just because you exist and sometimes that is enugh.

you do NOT need to do x, y, z to "reward yourself" with rest or love or mysic or food or the things that make you feel good. you can feel good and deserve it no matter what.

i hope this helps. i love you. you are good. everything is gonna be okay.

[needmorelesbianlove]

Ryan and Becca

Work was exhausting today and I already know as soon as i get home Savannah, my room mate is going to make me change into something slutty and drag me out to our local lesbian bar. We are regulars there, so we see the same people. every. single. time. and im just not in the mood to get hit on by the same women over and over. As i walk on the front porch I hear No Hands by Waka Flocka blaring throughout our house. Another sign that told me she was ready to go out and act a fool

"RYAN! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!! WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO GET HOME!" Savannah yells as she is passing me an old fashioned, already made and ready for me. She knows my love language.

"Ugh Sav, I had a dumb day at work and really just want to stay in." Which really means, I want to lay in bed, cuddled up with a book, and smoke a fat one. "Well we have company. So get upstairs, change into a cute fit and then you will be fine and want to go." "You're so annoying" I say as I roll my eyes and head up the stairs

The house is loud with music and chatter but I couldn't make out who they actually were. Savannah loves having people over, so honestly who knows. I close my door behind me, throw my bag down and start pulling things from my drawers. If I had it my way, I would wear sweats tonight. But Sav was too dressed up for that. Her cleavage was showing heavy with a black low vneck body suit on and her dirty blonde hair will loose curls. So I figured I should at least try to fit the vibe

I pull out some black jeans, put on a brown long sleeve body suit with the back cut out. Add some hoops, touch up my makeup and add red lip stick and head downstairs. Everyone was on the patio at this point. I can hear Sav and some others sing along to the rap playlist from 2016. I immediately see our old room mate, June. She moved out around 4 months ago and she now lives a couple hours away. "JUNE!! I didn't know you were coming in town!" I yell as i run up and hug her. "It was a last minute thing! But i brought some new friends with me and thought we could have a night out like old times!" Sav turns around and gives me another old fashioned. Shes planning something tonight.. two drinks? Usually im the one mixing everything up for us to pregame. "See, June came in town to see us and have fun with her friends! We wouldn't want her to leave without a good night out story" Sav says with the biggest puppy dog eyes. "Yeah yeah, but can we try and go to a new spot maybe? And not the same bar as always?" "Of course! But we have to show her friends our spot too." Sav moves out of the way and thats when i see her. A woman sitting in my favorite patio rocker, with black curly hair and green eyes. She's laughing and chatting with someone else I dont know, guessing one of Ju's friends. But my god, this girl is fucking HOT. She turns and we make eye contact as June goes to introduce me to everyone else. Two of our neighbors are here and June brought 3 friends into town with her. our house only has two bedrooms.. so im not sure where everyone is sleeping tonight. but hopefully if i play my cards right, the curly head will be with me.

"Ryan i need you to meet my new friends! this is Alice, Nikki and Becca!" Becca... oh Becca. the hottie with the hair. "Hey guys! its great to meet you all" I say, I can feel myself blushing. "Hey Ryan, im Becca and i have been told this is your favorite patio seat. let me get up so you can have it now!" "Oh thats okay!" I go to say as she gets up. Shes wearing black jeans, an over size cream colored shit, nikes and a gold chain. I am a sucker for a chain. She's standing next to me, and I look down at my drink thats almost empty. That went down quick. "Actually im going to go make another drink first! But please take the seat, I need someone else to agree with me that its the best seat in the house." she let out a laugh that sounded angelic. "I need a drink too, so ill join you." she said. We go in the kitchen, we are alone but the music is loud. I turn around to say something to her and catch her checking out my ass. My eyes go wide and i tilt my head to the side while I look at her. "Wow, I am so sorry." Now, she's blushing and awkwardly laughing. I walk over to the other side of the bar, and she follows. Leaning up against the bar right next to me with her arms folded across her chest. I look at her up and down and return my eye gaze to hers...