#im not sure if it’s in someone’s house or actually going out somewhere else
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my coworkers are planning a birthday party for someone at work and I already know I’m not going
#it’s in like a month but I know I won’t go#im not sure if it’s in someone’s house or actually going out somewhere else#but I just know I won’t go#Ive never been one for big parties tbh#sure while I was in high school I went and all#but i knew everyone and everyone knew I didn’t drink so it wasn’t awkward#and everyone knew that I was not the life of the party so it was fine#then in uni hardly went out clubbing or to someone’s house#it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable and safe with new people#even if they seem perfectly fine and not pushy#now I see my coworkers maybe once a week or every two weeks#so I feel comfortable in a work environment bc everything is sort of controlled#or at least we have to behave a certain way#so I know what to expect#when it comes to an outing that’s outside of work things are different ok#it seems that most of them are definitely party people but they do respect when someone doesn’t drink and stuff like that#but is still too much for me#I like hanging out in small groups in a sort of calmer setting so I don’t get overstimulated and cry#do I feel a bit bad that I don’t. go out with them?#yeah a bit#but for the most part I know that I will feel very anxious if I go and will most like have a panic attack#mariana.txt
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