#im not supposed to be bleeding at all but ive been having some tissue come out for the past few weeks and now this!!

[coridallasmultipass]

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[woolywoofs]

I wanted to post a little update. And ask for a little help, again (paypal posted below, please dont feel pressured! you and your needs come first always).

Moppa and I are still grieving Skvetta, but we are managing now. She can be left alone now without panicking and she no longer searched for her in the yard.

I had my tonsils taken out last friday, on my birthday lol. Surgery itself went well, but beforehand did not. My IV infiltrated and all of the meds to calm me down and put me to sleep just went into my soft tissue. It was extremely painful and I started to have a panic attack on the table because of it + the oxygen mask makes me feel like im suffocating (i know it doesnt make sense haha). All hands on deck after that and I had 3 people on me at once sticking me trying to get IVs in me but my veins just kept breaking. It was actual hell and felt like forever.

Recovery has been a hot mess honestly. The first 3 days were fine and since then its been reaaal bad. The ear, throat and tongue pain is unreal. I am drugged out of my mind because pain/stress is a huge seizure trigger for me, but at this point it is not really working. I did have 1 bad seizure, to a point where i had broken capillaries in my face. But thankfully it didnt create any issues with my surgery recovery. Im hoping things will start improving soon.

Generally my epilepsy has fucked up a lot. My short term memory is messed up and I have lost some skill sets after the bad seizures. I have been re-learning how to draw and paint! It is a very tedious process but i really feel like im making progress.

My autoimmune disease has been lowkey out of control and I saw my rheumo and I am going back on a low dose chemo drug. It really did help last time, it just made me so sick. But we will be looking into every option to control my nausea etc! So im trying to be hopeful. Ill start once im completely healed from my tonsillectomy, since the meds make you more likely to get infections and slows healing.

My uterus has also been absolutely fucked, once again. We were really hoping that removing the mass, scraping my uterus and putting the IUD would stop the bleeding, and it did, for 6 months. But im having issues again and I saw a specialist and we decided that the only option left for me is a hysterectomy. There is a year long wait though. This wasnt exactly on my list of things to do at 27.. but i suppose it is what it is.

Now for some good. Moppa is healthy and happy. She was attacked by a dog in september and got a bad gash but shes completely healed! She loves the fenced yard. We have been working on nosework stuff when im feeling okay enough for it! She is honestly such a light in the dark and I love her.

I get to renew my lease next year so i dont have to worry about housing!! Rent will be increasing bc inflation but im okay with swapping some meals with ramen to make things work, when I cant make extra money. I have been learning how to quilt!! My grandma does it a lot and i asked her to teach me so I am working on a project with her.

While things are generally a hot mess right now, i am mostly okay. And i feel like thats a big improvement for me, im not sure I would have handled all this a year ago. And im proud of myself.

With everything going on, I have obviously been unable to do commissions, or taking in dogsitting clients or anything i typically do to make money. If anyone is able to help, it is really appreciated. *This is my PayPal*, im afraid its my only way to receive anything. *any* amount helps. I really hope this is the last time i ever have to ask for anything. I feel like things are going to turn around now that we have solid plans to help with my health issues. The hope is that once my uterus is out and the low dose chemo has gotten my overall pain under control, that my epilepsy will chill out. It seems to be easily triggered via pain and hormones.

Thanks to anyone who had the patience to read this thing. I just havent posted an update in so long that there was a lot to say 😅 i am going to start being more active on here as ai really miss it. I will include the 2 art pieces I managed to make and finish. It took forever to figure everything out but im proud of myself. Quality may be a little destroyed bc tumblr likes to do that... i really hope i can offer commissions again soon. I might choose a person or two at random that donates and do a ghost commission like below for them? I can at least try. But youd have to message me on here after donating so i know who you are, i think i can attempt dog, cat or rabbit. But i cant promise anything.

I talked forever, im so sorry lol. Here is the paypal again because its definitely lost up there in the babble

Just to end this.. Has anyone here had a tonsillectomy as an adult and can tell me at what point it got better?

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 64

[Date: 08/03, 6.01 AM - 08/03, 6.32 AM GMT]

[Direct continuation from pt 63]

[CW: Manipulation, stalking]

C R O W N: “are you all happier without me?”

Maxwell: “yes”

C R O W N: “...”

fetch: “we might be, yeah.”

C R O W N: “...”

Marcus: “...guys”

fetch: “just get out of here, dammit”

C R O W N: “i see”

Maxwell: “leave”

Marcus: “Baron and prince and lizzy are still with him”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but theyre not in the court”

Marcus: “They are jay”

jayyyyyyyy: “crowns lost so much power. rescuing the others will be childsplay”

Marcus: “They’re still there”

Little-K1ng: “this is a weird vibe, just 3 dudes in my living room. i hope you guys know i have like, a bed and then a couch and also a floor”

Maxwell: “i call the floor”

Marcus: “That just makes him stronger”

Marcus: “Less people to control”

Little-K1ng: “floor is now called for, fetch can have the bed, and marcus gets couch i guess!”

Maxwell: “i can sleep anywhere man i used to sleep on the floor for fun as a kid!”

Little-K1ng: ��zero porch sleepers, PLEASE,”

C R O W N: “I'm sorry. I just wanted to give Ranboo a happy family.”

Maxwell: “no you didnt bitch”

fetch: “just get OUT”

Maxwell: “that aint how a family works”

fetch: “get these squirrels out of my fuckin yard”

C R O W N: “...fine”

Marcus: “Do you remember what I said when this family asked about my thoughts on Dream?”

C R O W N: “yes”

Maxwell: “....i forgot how much of a dogboy you were fetch, heh...nice to see ya again man”

Little-K1ng: “[calling out of my front door to the street] ay fuck off pal not tonight”

fetch: “Pff, you too ya little rat”

Marcus: “I would like to change my answer.”

Marcus: “You are no better than Dream. You are no different than the man who you described as a horrible person. You are no savior.”

C R O W N: “...”

Marcus: “You are a coward.”

Maxwell: “ey i may be little but i can bite your kneecaps”

C R O W N: “...

:(”

Little-K1ng: “okay so i cant believe how not surprised i am but.... at the moment maxwell... theres orange juice in the fridge and cookies in the pantry (they're oatmeal raisin for your Health), if "someone" (you) starts bleeding again just sit and chill”

Little-K1ng: “but definitely get at those snacks”

Maxwell: “thanks man, sorry for barging in”

Marcus: “...what the hell are we wearing?”

Little-K1ng: “nah its all good ill be in a better mood once these bad boys! [holds out 2 excedrin] actually kick in”

Marcus: “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR”

Maxwell: “THATS WHAT I WANNA KNOW”

fetch: “I dunno man but hey max, you look good in a skirt”

Little-K1ng: “i mean you do suit the skirt”

Maxwell: “IM IN A SKIRT AND WHILE I DONT MIND SKIRTS ITS BEEN A WHILE MAN”

Maxwell: “.........hUh”

Marcus: “How the hell did I run in demonias what the fuck”

Maxwell: “i mean ive got combat boots so thats good but seriously man how the fuck did you run in those”

Marcus: “My hair isn’t supposed to be short”

fetch: “Okay you rock the demonias but are your ankles okay”

Little-K1ng: “yall are so fashionable i am almost not going to offer better clothes”

fetch: “...

Ow

ow ow ow

gys

watchdogs”

Little-K1ng: “wh?”

fetch: “gdox”

Maxwell: “i know ive got a button up on but not having a cloak or sweater of somesort feels horrid”

Marcus: “Fetch?”

fetch: “ow

gdoc”

[Crown edited onto the google doc: "I'm sorry i'll be good just please come back i don't want to lose anyone else it hurts i already lost tommy and now you all left me please come back please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please"]

Maxwell: “AW SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN”

Marcus: “Fuck”

fetch: “hes tampering”

dreaming: “fetch you okay?”

Little-K1ng: “woah dude hey hey sit its okay just sit”

Little-K1ng: “the doc...”

Maxwell: “uh oh”

fetch: “ow ow wh at the fu c k”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened to tommy what is he on about”

Little-K1ng: “WOAH okay so fetch just hit the floor”

Maxwell: “shit fetch you okay”

Marcus: “Fuck, do you have tissues? His nose is bleeding”

Little-K1ng: “AH AH HEY UH HELP ME uh hes bleeding flip him over”

Little-K1ng: “hes bleeding a lot dont let him drown”

Maxwell: “oh god okay”

Little-K1ng: “cmon recovery position dont you know that?? ok”

Marcus: “Yeah of course”

Maxwell: “dont lay him down yeah he'll choke on  the blood if we do”

Little-K1ng: “okay hes good just. drooling blood onto the floor okay, thats, ew, but not the first time”

Little-K1ng: “oh yeah the doc huh? okay that alteration must have really hurt”

A random Spark: “It was a big one, a whole page”

Little-K1ng: “oh ouch”

Maxwell: “so should we try to leave it for now for fetch to fix when he wakes up to not hurt him more?”

Little-K1ng: “okay, note to self, buy more excedrin

this weeks trauma is sponsored by excedrin”

Maxwell: “what the shit happened to tommy?”

jayyyyyyyy: “tommy died??”

Maxwell: “HE WHAT”

jayyyyyyyy: “I DONT KNOW??”

Maxwell: “I WAS GONE FOR LIKE A DAY”

Little-K1ng: “yeah uh, he kinda, look ok yall can explain that and ill just. try to clean this up”

Mothbo: “Max, it's been much longer than a day.”

Maxwell: “what”

Little-K1ng: “a... a day ??”

Marcus: “...max”

Maxwell: “how...long has it been”

boo: “a month or so”

Maxwell: “god my head hurts this is too much to process”

Little-K1ng: “hahaa,, yeah no you've never met me, its been an awful lot longer than that, look, we've had a long night, the sprinklers are staying on overnight, just sit and we can get some sleep, yeah? ill stay with fetch and make sure he doesnt choke”

Little-K1ng: “ill get you the snacks and you can recover from the blood loss, sound good?”

Marcus: “I can um”

Maxwell: “thanks so much man...”

Marcus: “I can stay up and help these two, I basically took care of them back at the-

You know”

Maxwell: “okay...tomorrow....yall havge a  lto og explaining to fo”

Marcus: “You don’t look well, Mona you should rest”

Maxwell: “im going to slepw nihgt fucekrs ha....its good to be back”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern, good night marcus. nice to meet you :)”

Marcus: “It’s uh, nice to meet you too

Goodnight”

Mothbo: “rest well, Max. Please stay safe okay? We missed ya”

Maxwell: “course....”

[jayyyyyyyy: “have a nice first night free marcus! :]”]

Marcus: “...thank you”

Chat: “...”

katichu (derogatory): “Chat?”

jayyyyyyyy: “hi, chat. you maybe wanna take off your crown, mate?”

Chat: “You know what? I really don't care anymore. I should've known who you all really were when you first showed your true colors by being so hateful to crown and the family. You're all nothing to me :) And guess what? I'm completely fine with that!!”

A random Spark: “We made our choice”

Chat: “Yep! And I've made mine, and I'm completely fine with knowing that I've done nothing but right by Crown, and that none of this is my fault and I'm not to blame for anything and I haven't done anything wrong and it's perfectly fine and I'm okay!!”

Chat: “I know you never cared about me anyway. You don't need to keep saying it. I have my family and I'm h a p p y n o w”

[jayyyyyyyy: “We do care about you. We're also all tired as fuck.”]

Chat: “Right.”

Chat: “I'll be leaving now. Thank you for nothing.”

[genghiskhanmeleon-blog]

Kaths story

I’ve known Kath since i was a young girl, i could sit on her knee so that long, she was a great friend to mammy B. She is funny and kindness shines out of her. She has also had cancer, here is her story; I had known something wasn’t quite right for a bout two years but being a typical woman I just got on with it, I had better things to do and others to care for. I used to joke about having a tummy like a shelf and would out my cuppa on it. My tummy would swell and it got to the point where I couldn’t eat and I thought I need to do something about this. I was sent for an ultra sound my womb was swollen and I needed an MRI. After 5 weeks i chased it up with my doctor to find my referral was lost in the system, it happens I was told, but whatever was going on wasn’t getting better. A cyst was discovered on my ovary, they tried 4 times but couldn’t get a biopsy because it was moving around. They took blood, gave me a CT scan and the MRI. I asked if they were testing for cancer but because there was no family history and i hadn’t had any post menopausal bleeding they didn’t think it was . Then came the diagnosis; stage 3 ovarian cancer, i shouldn’t be here now, it was found at such a late stage, i know that. The nurse who told me looked at me in silence after i was told, i said if you're waiting for me to cry you will have a long wait, lots of people get cancer, this time its my turn. The day after the diagnosis i met my surgeon over at queen Elizabeth hospital to discuss the surgery and if i would be willing to take a cancellation. Of course i would. To this point i hadn’t told my family, i told my son by accident, he rang to ask where i was as i cane out the hospital with everything in my head and in need of a fag. He told me i needed to tell my husband. I had just got on with it. I got the call about a cancellation and i was to go the next day. A chest x-ray and 7 or 8 people explaining the 7 to 8 operations i was about to have in one. they took my womb , ovaries, fallopian tubes, 7 lymph nodes, they scraped away a thick band on my stomach wall that was my shelf, there were 4 tumours on my pelvis, some on my small bowel and kidney. I later found out they had nicked my appendix and cervix whilst they were in there. . I had a bad reaction to the epidural and my blood pressure went dangerously low. I had 22 staples in my stomach holding me together. A burse explained that it was like having 7 dwarf’s inside hacking away with pick axes and that’s why i wasn’t bouncing back because i really didn’t feel any better. There had been so much cancer my stomach had been squashed and that is why i couldn’t eat. All the biopsies came back as cancer, that’s what ovarian cancer is, it spreads. I had never had pain like it. They advised walking 100 yards but i could hardly move. I didn’t make things easy as i didn’t want the pain killers. Just after the op i got sickness and diarrhoea and i became so weak i couldn’t walk, i had to be half carried to bed by my husband. Then came chemo, i Had 2 different types and each session took 9.5 hours. I was first in and last out. At my second session my heart stopped, the nurse gave me 3 injections as my body was rejecting it and the session was stopped. I went back for my third and it started again, i became breathless and my heart began To race but i refused to give up, i just kept talking, i needed to get through it and i did. 4 times my bloods were low so the sessions were delayed. I had 6 sessions at 3 weekly intervals, well that was the plan until my bloods caused a delay. The last session was in the December and i did everything i could to keep my immune system up, i had a grandson due and i wasn’t going to let cancer stop me being a grandmother. During all this i used a lot of alternative therapies to help and i tried to laugh as much as possible. All my visitors brought cake that helped too. I wanted everyone to think i was well and hid the pain and discomfort until my hair fell out and thats when people realise your poorly. I think my husband was more upset than me when it started to come out in clumps. The chemo also made me lose my appetite and have a lot of bad heads. Every session i went to i had matching dresses, caps and scarfs. I needed the staff to know i was worth fighting for. The worst part was being told i was in remission, that i didn’t have cancer. I didn’t know what i was suppose to do, the oncologist said to get on with my life but how do you after all that’s happened. What is normal? I felt like i had been deserted, pushed out on a lake with a rowing boat without oars. Outpatients were great they had all the time in the world for me. I needed detail and they told me, hiding nothing. They explained that the chemo had dealt with the tumours on my bowel and kidney as they were less than 1cm which is amazing. In the first year you have 4 check ups, then 3 then 3 then 2 and then 1. I have 1 left to go. I remember being in Keswick and it was raining, it was just after i had been told i was in remission, i didn’t have my hair back and i went outside and took my scarf off and got soaked. All i could think was i was alive i am alive. Everything happened so fast i didn’t have time to think, and then one day it hit me, i had cancer. It was like it was happening to someone else. I think back on it and its still like it happened to someone else. I think about it coming back, it will never leave me, its just there. Thinks like scar tissue pain, twinges in my pelvic bine reminds you of it and makes you wonder if it will come back. That’s not all you are left with. My eyebrows are just coming back after 4 years and my leg hair which i could do without. I have numbness on my stomach and upper thighs. I still have questions about things like this. I get constipated but that’s down to them throwing my bowels back in after everything was removed and they just lay where they lay. Ive out in 3 stone and can only manage to lose a few lbs. I also pee myself. A lot. Its not even a little dribble it can be a full on pee, it embarrassing but i still try to laugh. They can offer me tablets to help but im still waiting for them or it could be another op. I’ve also went through the change of life for a second time. Physical side effects you expect but things like my husband still not trusting me because i hadn’t told him about what was going on wasn’t. If i rub my tummy he worries. Like I’ve said i tried to laugh, keep mu spirits up. The chemo department asked if i would go but i couldn’t. I kind of regret it now, because i wanted someone to talk to with the same type of cancer i had. To see if what was happening was normal. Google is not a friend when you have cancer. Statistics are scary and i wish i had never used it. The odd thing was they avoided the word cancer. They kept saying mass. That’s because cancer and death go hand in hand in peoples heads. I prove that that’s not true. My advise if for women to listen to their bodies, don’t wait, put it off, we know when thing aren’t right. Get checked out.