#im not sex repulsed i just dont know what ppl find sexy

[dice-of-rolling]

War

Word Count:1,549

Warnings: Drinking, there’s some kink (hair pulling, V is kinda a Domme), arguing, Lots of kissing and holding, no sex but sexual contact, ANGST, Johnny really cares, minimal spoilers. (This is the first thing I’ve written in a long time so please be gentle lol. I would like to thank Cyberpunk for getting me out of the worst writing slump of my life. And also angsting me into oblivion omg)

Summary: (GN!V) V and Johnny play a drinking game, things get a little out of hand. Short ‘n bitter sweet.

“Can you even get drunk?” I asked pouring a shot for Johnny as he sat in front of me.

“Dunno, guess we’ll have to find out.” He smirked and took the shot. His face contorted and he let out a grunt. I raised my eyebrow and downed my shot easily. 

“Been a while?”

“Just not a fan of vodka, tastes like piss.” 

“Ah yes, The Johnny Silverhand, A tequila old fashioned.” 

“Don’t forget the chili.” He smiled raising the shot glass and tapping the edge. I poured another shot and placed the bottle on the table next to the two stacks of cards. 

“Alright, let’s get this started then.” He clapped his hands together and adjusted his stack of cards. I finished pouring my shot and slapped my card down. He quickly followed, topping my 7 with a 9. He swiped the cards and put them at the button of his deck, a sly smile already on his lips. I hit him with another one, he won, then won again, I got him once but the next set up landed in war. We both took our shots. 

I was already starting to feel it, fucking hell. He didn’t seem affected at all. 

I put my card face down. 

“You really trust that Goro guy, huh?” Johnny said putting a card down. 

“He saved my life, Johnny.” I watched his metal finger trace over the edge of the card. “And he’s done nothing to warrant distrust.” 

“He’s a damn corporate goon, how do you know he’s not still controlled by them?” His tone rose, anger rising in him. I could feel it, that same twinge of pure hatred I felt when in the face of a corpo. 

I laughed and flipped my next card. A king. Johnny flipped his card, an ace. 

“That’s ridiculous, Johnny.” I smiled. “He would have delta’d me long ago.” 

“Not if he needs the chip. They managed to keep me alive to steal my whole brain.” He smirked and flipped his hidden card. A 3. 

I flipped mine. A 6. I smiled and swiped the cards. 

“Don’t know why they’d even want it back.” He took the shot. “More of a pain in the ass than it’s worth. Seems I did them a favor.” 

“Fuck you.” He quickly flipped me off and flipped his next card. His fingers lingered over the 4 in front of him. I picked up my a card and placed it over his metallic hand. My fingers brushing against his. The drink must be getting to me, my mind started racing. It was cold, harsh, i could feel the scratches on the surface. He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat. 

“Your win, kid.” He urged the cards towards me. 

Shock was still wracking me. I felt scrambled. I reached forward and grabbed his shoulder. He didn’t pull away just stared at me, eyes narrow. 

“I can touch you.” I traced my hand down his metallic arm. The metal was cold but the mechanics inside radiated a slight warmth. My fingers caught along the ridge of his bicep. 

He reached forward for his shot glass and took it, wincing as he swallowed. 

“We weren’t in war.” I chuckled. 

“Yeah” He took his sunglasses off. “But I’m gonna need it.” 

His hand went to my arm and trailed up, his fingertips burrowing into my skin. He pulled me towards him, his metal arm gripping the side of my waist. I stumbled over my table and jumped down between his legs. Kicking the stacks of cards onto the floor. Blood and heat took over my face. Was this really happening? This felt like.. like a memory. 

He stood, his hands rising to my ribcage he pulled me closer. I was pressed against his body, I could feel him. All of him. 

His flesh hand grabbed the side of my face and pulled me to him. His lips hit mine like we’d kissed a million times. We knew each other inside and out. I just knew what to do to please him. My hands traced up his chest, caressing his neck and finding themselves buried in his thick mop of hair. I wanted him, badly, the hatred I felt melded with this strange overwhelming feeling. He pulled away for a moment, I pushed foreword trying to rejoin his lips but he pulled away, teasing me. My heart was racing, I could feel my heart pumping. As he caressed me the relic glitched and warned me to malfunctions.

“You’re not gonna take more of those pills?” He smirked. “Lock me out?”

“Does it look like i am?” I gripped the roots of his hair and pulled  him towards me again. He grunted and returned to my lips. 

“Do you want me to?” I said my lips grazing against his as I spoke. 

“All those time I told you to go fuck yourself,” He changed the subject quickly.

“Yeah,” I tugged at his hair as he reminded me of the anger he caused me, and his grip tightened on my waist pressing himself against me. 

“I meant it.” 

“Those one of your 2020 jokes?”

“Hey fuck off.” He pecked my jaw and trailed soft kisses down my neck, letting his teeth graze my skin. 

“You still gonna side with the Goon?” He said against my collar bone.

“This doesn’t change anything, Johnny.” 

“It doesn’t?” He said. “Something seems to have changed.” I grabbed his jaw and yanked it towards me. 

“I like Goro.” I said tightening my grip on his bearded jaw. “I trust him for the same reasons I’m trusting you right now. Would you like me to reconsider this?”

“The same reasons?” He asked with his eyebrow raised. I shoved his jaw away and he chuckled.

“What? You Jealous, Silverhand?”

I grabbed his chin again and forced it in front of mine. I couldn’t stand being away from him. After all this time of thinking we couldn’t be, or even touch, had built to this sense of desperation. We only had so much time before... before..

“Hey stop thinkin’ about that sad shit.” He frowned, moving his hands up my back. His metal fingers traced little circles along my bare shoulder from under my jacket. 

“I can’t, Johnny.” I frowned. Reality bit me straight in the ass. Ripping me from our little bubble. “My days are numbe-our days are numbered!” I broke away from him and ran my fingers through my hair. I walked into my bathroom and leaned over the sink. “What if...” 

Johnny walked over, holding a full shot glass in his hand. He took it down and turned it over in the sink so hard it broke on contact. 

“If you don’t wipe me, V, I swear I’ll take over and do it myself.” His words stung, like a katana to the chest. 

“Johnny, I can’t-” 

“V, I’m serious-” I shoved him away. My head reeled from the sudden movement, was I drunker than I thought I was. 

“And what if I’m not worth it, Johnny?!” I cried, tears stung my eyes and my throat got all tight. “I made a mistake, got my friend killed and payed the price. But you-your stupid fucking chip brought me back.” He was looking at me with furrowed brows, head shaking slightly. His metal hand gripped the edge of the counter. “I’m a no one! A failure! A random meat bag to carry your engram until it’s ready to take over my brain. An you know what? Johnny?” 

“Don’t-” 

“I would rather you drive.” I said. “Just-j-take over alright! You seem to know better anyway.” I picked up Misty’s pills. Johnny’s hand slapped the pills from my hand. He grabbed my arm and yanked me towards him. 

“You’re fucking losing it.” He growled. “If you don’t think that you are worth saving, you’re fucking losing it.” 

“Don’t-”

“I’ve been stuck with you for weeks, I’ve seen your memories, I know you, better than even Jackie.” Jackie’s name spurned the tears to start streaming. “I know you better than you know yourself.” His flesh hand brushed a tear from my cheek. I knocked my head down and let my forehead rest on his shoulder. “You are worth it, worth giving myself up, worth blowing this damn city to the sky.” 

“We’re both very drunk.” I whispered with a forced chuckle. 

“Yeah, I uh, think all those shots went to both of us.” He laughed wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer. “Now no more of that talk, yeah?” 

“No promises.” 

“Never asked for any.” He pressed a kiss into my neck and tightened his grip. Even as everything crumbled, the city, my friendships, my own damn body... nothing seemed to matter. Time stopped feeling like this... crushing time bomb ready to strike us apart. 

Only the heaviness of reality weighed on me, lacking it’s normal bite but it’s bark would never leave. It tinges everything. Even Johnny’s touch. Some dumb spark in me thought it wouldn’t be tainted. He would make everything alright but... we’re still at war. I don’t think we ever will find peace until..... we are apart. 

“What’d I say about the depressing bullshit, V?” 

“Fuck you” I pressed my mouth into his shoulder and squeezed my eye shut.