#im not putting this in the tags bc it took v little time to do asdghjk

[jealousjersey]

๋࣭⭑🍒⚝”charmer” ๋࣭⭑🍒⚝

pairing // best friend!clapton x fem reader

mentions // sneaking inside, sniffing panties, clapton lil weirdo dude, best friends to lovers, unprotected p in v (birth control mentioned, wrap it!) taking each others virginity’s, fem reader with breasts and vag, they say i love you in this one, porn with plot, horny jersey rambling blah blah blah you get fucked in this one. lottts of dialog

tags // clapton davis x reader

wc // 2k+

authors note // going back to the old layout bc i miss it. also ive been flopping lately…pls jhutch fandom dont die on me im sooooo back

a party is across the street, you weren't invited so why would you go? the neighborhood you live in is definitely not quiet, and it's not like you didn't hear clapton open your window

"What's up?" you say to him. he tosses his skateboard on your carpet and takes his sunglasses off, laying them on your desk

"ditched the party, cops were called and i wasn't getting involved in that tonight. he says, sitting comfortably on your bed. he's always been a bit invasive but who cares. at this point what's yours is his.

he notices a pair of lacy black panties on your floor, decorated by a dark red bow on the seam.

"well what do we have here, ms 'im a virgin. who would've known you owned this pretty thing" he teases you, which he knows works because your cheeks are bright red.

"shut up...don't look at my underwear" you say, attempting to snatch them from his hands but he dodges and twirls then in his fingers. "they're dirty put them down, i just took them off"

"yeah? were you expecting anyone special? someone to...take these off of you?" he teases you once more, knowing he's getting under your skin

you reach for his hand again, desperately trying to grab them. he stands up from the bed and moves away. he looks you in the eyes and brings them up to his nose, deeply inhaling the scent of you. his eyes roll back and you can hear his exhale, shaky and...sexy?

"damn you smell good..." he mumbles, climbing on the bed beside you. you are in shock but also incredibly turned on by him.

"barging up in my room through my window, then sniffing my dirty panties. you're just full of surprises; aren't you clapton?" you scoff teasingly.

"what can I say, I'm a charmer" he hummed and smirked, throwing his hands up in the air. He paused for a moment and looked over in thought.

"speaking of charming, have you been with anyone?"

you pretend to think back, knowing youre a absolute virgin. "not that i can think of." you joke like the dork you are.

"oh haha very funny, smartass" he said while sarcastically laughing, before turning more to his side to look at you more directly. He put one arm on the other "so seriously now, who's the last person vou've been with?"

"nobody. is it not obvious the only action i get is from that stupid wand you bought me as a gag gift?" you say, cheeks turning red. why did you bring that up?

"oh... the hitachi wand? you still use it?" he said and raised a brow, a smirk growing on his face again. he chuckled and shifted in his spot to face you more. crossing one of his legs and tilting his head slightly

"yes i still use it. you bought it for a reason, correct?" you look at him with a slight grin, having an idea as to where this is going.

“Mhm, I did. Just surprised that you still use it”

he hummed in response, still looking at you. he paused for a moment before speaking again

“…when was the last time you used it?”

“last night, actually.” you mutter, just loud enough so he can hear but quiet enough that it shows your embarrassment by this conversation.

his smirk grew slightly wider, moving in just a little closer to you

“oh really now?” he said in a low tone, shifting from his spot once again, this time laying on his side and resting his head and one of his arm “whatdya you think about?” he says seductively

“…you, i thought about you” you confess in a whisper. he let out a slight, quiet chuckle. scooting a little closer to you, his teasing smirk remaining on his face. looking over you as he spoke with a sultry tone that can’t help but make your stomach flutter

“oh yeah? what was I doing in your thoughts?” you can’t help but let out a soft groan, closing your knees together as you feel yourself growing wetter. he places his hand on your thigh, looking up at you, silently asking for your consent. he’d never do anything you weren’t comfortable with and you knew that. you nod and place your hand on top of his.

“everything…thought about you fucking me…fingering me…eating me out. all of it” you say breathlessly as the thoughts come back to you. He bit the inside of his cheek as his smirk stayed on his face. Moving his body just a little bit closer to you, he let out a quiet hum

“So you just dream about me… taking my time on you. Making you feel good, huh?” you bite your lip to conceal a moan, his voice enough to make you cum on the spot

“yes. made me feel so good…” you whimper. He couldn’t help but to shiver at the sweet sound of your whimper, moving closer once again. He was practically just mere inches away from you now. He’s hand began to reach around, slowly going up and down your arm before moving to caress your cheek

“Did you moan my name?” he asked curiously, a smirk still planted on his face

“yeah, moaned your name so fuckin’ loud” you gasp as his thumb slides your panties to the side.

He had a feeling you did, but hearing you say it yourself made him feel something. It made the smirk on his face grow wider as he caressed your cheek once more

“I bet I could make you moan my name once more” he said, his other hand slowly going down your waist, his thumb circling around just above your clit. enough to make you turned on but not enough to give you what you needed.

“yeah?” you whimper

he hummed in response as left hand continued trailing down your waist and onto your hip. he gently gripped it as he slowly circled his right thumb along the edge of your cunt, feeling you drip for him.

“mhm, I can. I know what to do to make you scream my name. just like you did in your little dream”

“i’m giving you the green light, make me yours, clapton.” you let out a deep breath and smile with half lidded eyes.

he was waiting for that exact sentence, his smirk growing once again as he removed his thumb and suddenly grabbed onto you and pulled you on top of him. you could feel that he was already a little hard. his hands gripping your hips as his eyes look up at you from underneath, a dark look in them

“you want me so badly.. don’t you. That’s why you dream about me, baby”

“want you more than anything. fuck me like you’re famished and i’m your last meal.” you say in a sexy voice, low and raspy.

He watched you carefully as you spoke. you feel him grow painfully hard under you. The words that came out of you only making his smirk grow wider. He gripped your hips a little tighter, gently grinding them into his own as a slightly low grumble escaped his throat

“God darling, I’m starved. You have no idea how badly I want to devour you, savor you.”

you moan softly and slip your panties down, spreading your legs for him.

*He watched with hungry eyes as you slipped your underwear down. He could feel how wet you were already, he bit his lip as he watched you spread your legs. He gently gripped your hips, holding them in place as he lifted his own hips and grinded against you. Letting out a quiet, shaky shaky breath

“you have no idea how badly i need you.”

“show me how bad you need me” you moan softly, rubbing your swollen clit against his leg to gain some friction.

“With pleasure, darling”

He mumbled under his breath as his hands slowly trail up from your hips to your waist, his grip on you becoming a little tighter than before. He moved his body a little, the tip of his cock aching to be let out of his pants. he starts to slip out of his jeans and throws them on the floor. he takes his hot dick out of its prison and gently starts to massage his tip, letting out spurts of precum as he maintains eye contact.

“before we do anything, you know i’m a virgin, right?” you say embarrassed by your lack of experience.

“so am i, we’ll figure it out together” he mumbles, still relieving the red painfully hard bulge in his hand.

you lay down on your back and take your shirt off, revealing your breasts which you always caught him staring at. why wouldn’t he? they’re perfect.

he groans at the sight of you; spread out and all for him.

he leans down and kisses you gently, then becoming more passionate and more confident. he bites your lower lip softly begging for entrance. you grant him access to your mouth, moaning at the taste of him. his tongue explores your mouth as he lines himself up with you, stopping the kiss to ask

“are you completely sure about this? once this happens we can’t go back to being just friends. i need to know you want this as much as i do”

you think about it, making sure this is exactly what you want.

“yes, yes clapton. this is what i want. i want you. i love you.” you say, looking directly into his dark brown eyes.

“i love you too” he says softly as his tip reaches your cunt

“are you ready?” he asks shakily, nervous for this. he’s finally loosing his virginity to you, something that has only happened in the deepest parts of his mind.

“yes, make me yours” you say softly and stare into his eyes.

he places a hand beside your pillow and uses his other hand to guide himself into you.

you feel the bittersweet pain of his dick entering you, stretching your tight cunt out for the first time. as he pushes in deeper you let out short moans of pleasure, until he hits that spot

your cherry pops as he goes deeper, you whine in pleasure and pain and he stops after feeling the tear

“everything okay?” he asks, worried.

you smile at his expression and nod

“everything’s okay, just a little burn. keep going, please.”

at your request he continues, slowly pushing back into you and hitting your soft spot with a thrust. you moan loudly and grip the sheets.

“yeah? feel good?” he moans and maintains his movements, in and out, in and out.

“yeah…feels so good. don’t stop” you moan, feeling each ridge of him that you soak in your wetness. the burn is becoming a lot more bearable. his length rams into your gspot once more and you shake under him.

his eyes roll back in his head, making the sexist face you’ve ever seen before. and to know you’re the one making him feel this good makes you moan in satisfaction.

“been…dreaming bout this..so long” he grunts as he deeply thrusts into you, his arms shaking beside your head from the pure adrenaline that comes from fucking your best friend.

“yeah? dreamt about it?” you moan, under him squirming and writhing as your legs begin to shake.

“fuck…yeah. everywhere…here…in a park…locker room…everywhere. wanna take you everywhere. make you mine everywhere” he groans, taking a hand up to lean your face up towards his. he looks into your half lidded eyes and brushes his thumb along your cheeks, feeling the heat which covers your skin in a pink hue.

“so fuckin pretty” he groans as he stares into your eyes with his deep brown ones, having been covered with lust for quite a bit now

he pulls out ever so slightly and then rams into you with force, making you scream his name

“clapton! fuck you feel so good” you moan

“tell me how bad you want my dick, how has you need me” he grunts and thrusts his hips into you, hitting your gspot beautifully each beat.

“need you…need your dick…want it so bad, fuck!” you moan out, tears of pleasure running down your face messing up your mascara to the point where it’s dripping down your flushed face

“so good for me…god this pussy was made for me to destroy” he takes his thumb and rubs your clit as his dick pumps in and out of your leaking cunt

“clapton i’m so close…” you gasp and moan

“wait a few minutes longer, yeah? can you do that for me? of course you can…such a good little thing for me” he pumps into you, circling your swollen bud with his calloused thumb causing the bubbling building up in your lower stomach. so close to release…so close.

the squelching noise of both parts filling up the room deliciously and making it so incredibly hard not to cum right then and now. you feel his hips stutter against yours. finally, time for you to cum.“fuck…baby let it all out..cum all over my cock” he groans and looks at you, sweat covering his forehead.

“cum inside me…i’m on birth control” you say, staring into his eyes. he groans, his hips stutter with pleasure and purpose. he shoots his white liquid deep inside of you, filling you up with his cum. you moan and your legs begin to shake, feeling your release cover him. you ride out the high and your hips buck forward. his stray hairs tickle your sensitive clit which causes you to moan loudly again

“oh fuck, clapton that…oh god” you say, starting to feel the aftershock. you’re sweaty and your makeup is ruined. clapton pulls out of you and leans his head against your neck, biting the lobe of your ear and whispering softly

“aren’t i a charmer?” he kisses your neck softly.

you let out a breath that you desperately held, panting and looking up to him

“yes, yes you are.”

๋࣭⭑🍒⚝ ๋࣭⭑🍒⚝ ๋࣭⭑🍒⚝ ๋࣭⭑🍒⚝ ๋࣭⭑🍒⚝ ๋࣭⭑🍒

tags // @qhutcherson

[kitsuga]

Obituary. {Saeran – Mysme} 

Description:  

A fic in which Saeran rids himself of many lifetimes. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────  

Tags: angst, mentions of death, death implied, use of saeran/unknown/ray, obituary/name written by western standards, shifting scenes, timeline may not be TOO accurate bc they have fucked up the timeline so many times i dont know anymore, a little hard to read at the end since its disjointed but it adds to the story i promise!!! im sorry!!!!, not betad, not edited, mystic messenger, mysme/mystic messenger saeran  

Word Count: 709 

A/N: Written on: October 7, 2024  

I love putting saeran through pain, after what—8 years? Still hasnt changed. Im sorry bby (im not) 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── 

CHOI, Saeran, found dead in his family home at the age of 14. 

He’s survived by a sense of freedom; a longing for the warmth of the sun and the lull of the breeze. His brother, who had gained his wings first, would free him on days he had felt his loneliest. The sweetness of it all had left him with sticky hands as a treat he once thought far out of his reach had melted slightly within his grasp. He’d want to be remembered not by the bruises littered along his skin, nor the hard words branded into his being—but by the love that surrounded him, the care that he had extended to the ones closest around him, by the time once spent bonded to his brother. 

CHOI, Saeran, found dead in the abandoned cell at the age of 19. 

He’s survived by a lost soul, one confused and begging to be bathed in relief. He had left this world alone, where he called out for one who never answered—only an echo of his own. He would be left there, forced to obey as he once had in his youth; he would be bathed in faux relief—something blue, something new—and would be accepted to one’s heaven should he behave and do as is asked of him. He would want to be remembered not as a weakling, needing the hand of another to hold and share their warmth—but as someone renewed, born again, willing to stumble and fall so long as he walked on his own two legs rather than another’s. 

CHOI, Saeran, found dead in the garden of an unmarked location at the age of 21. 

He’s survived by a lost soul, one drenched in the light of the divine. He’s survived by a lost soul, one dripping in the shadows of the sinner. He has been saved, though it took him many years to come to terms with his passing. He has been saved, though his passing took many years to come to terms with himself. He had gone down kicking, screaming, burning up from his own passion—and from the flames dosed in a blue saviour, he has risen once more from the ashes. He would want to be remembered as a believer, a seeker of truth, someone who whole-heartedly devotes himself to his saviour and begs for the love of the ruler of his heart. He would want to be remembered as a maker, an enforcer of forgiveness, someone who whole-heartedly devotes himself to his saviour and has others beg for the love of the one who can rid them of sin. 

CHOI, Saeran “RAY”, found dead in a sealed off [ERROR] in the [REDACTED] at the age of 22. 

He’s survived by nothing, no one. He’s void of all things that make him, and replaced by something blue—something new. He had been raised from the trenches of Hell, rinsed off and molded into something useful by the divine—by his saviour. He no longer had need for the name [REDACTED], and no need for those who betrayed him, threw him away, left him abandoned. He died surrounded by the only thing he knew anymore, a soft electric hum playing about the room like a melody as he worked on [REDACTED] so his saviour could S A V [ERROR] E others—protect them, rid them of sin, like [REDACTED] had done to him. He had nothing left to do in his life but D E V O T E himself to his saviour, to [ERR O R] and beg for mercy as he would drop to his knees just for a glimpse, a shimmer, of that cleansing light or the taste of tHA T bl U[ERROR] [REBOOTING...]-- blue dream. He’d like to be remembered [ERROR] [FORGIVEN] by his devotion, by his love and care he’d put into his work and into being of use to his saviour. He’d like to be remembered by the one he had chosen [E RR oR] saved all on his own, one he wanted to hold dearly to his heart and [S A V E] from the FILTH-- [ERROR]-- the SINFUL--[ERROR]--he wanted to be rememBERED--[ERROR]-- PLEASE--[ERROR] [ERROR] [ERROR] 

[BAD END]. 

[harunyaki]

todays been alot so i did a small sketch of yamato from kamiko since it was a highlight of today and i cant draw much

[catch-the-wind]

when reader is sick hc's

finally posting writing here so true

n e ways okay so i’m brainrotting about the genshin charas taking care of their s/o’s when they’re sick 🥺 and now i'm feeling sick, sigh

ohm and sulien ambros belong to @teyvattherapist! they're such good chara's, i know i'm writing them here but i deffo recommend reading up on them

okay here u go, have some hc's that are kinda sorta long and by that i mean 2.5k- i haven't proofread this bc it's 4am and im going to BED but if i write for any other chara's i'll post a second part <3 mwah

tags: gn!reader, diluc x reader, kaeya x reader, jean x reader, lisa x reader, albedo x reader, dainsleif x reader, tartaglia x reader, ohm ambros x reader, sulien ambros x reader, soft bean hours

diluc

is not working or traveling when his partner is sick

absolutely makes them soup and hot tea and drinks

he’s trying to make them food but he’s not the best cook so he’s asking adelinde for help

absolutely asks jean, barbara, and ohm for help while his partner is sleeping but he’s so awkward LMAO

was absolutely frantic the first day he found out his partner was sick tho, he made them come over to the winery so they could sleep there and he can take care of them <3

absolutely lied about what room was his so they slept in his bed

“hmm this guest room is so furnished diluc are all your rooms like this” and no, no they are not, this room is his, bestie

diluc slept on a sofa in his bedroom and did work on the table that was supposed to be for flowers. kinda stressed over abyss order locations but was more worried ab his partner being okay so he was distracted

he just put the flowers on his nightstand for his partner to see when they woke up <3

gives his partner forehead kisses because they won’t let him kiss them on the lips and he gives them the gentlest cheek kisses while they sleep

also gives his partner his clothes to wear <3

cuddles them and reads to them when they’re awake and TEMPLE KISSES OH MY GOD

kaeya comes over because he’s worried his brother and his brother’s s/o haven’t been seen in a little while

n e way, diluc gets sick after his partner gets better and they nursed each other back to health

kaeya

like diluc, he took off work so he could take care of his s/o i,mediately after he found out they were sick

wouldn’t force them to stay at his place tho, he’d probably let them recover in their own place

but he might make them go to the kof hq or the cathedral just so they can be taken care of by a proper healer

he absolutely soothes their fevers and stuff w cryo and also the man can heal himself w his elem skill ofc he can fix someone if he tries hard enough <3

he gives kisses no matter how much his partner says not to but he’ll also give them butterfly kisses so it’s soft moments too~ sigh, ur too cute alberich

asks ohm and barbara and albedo and lisa for potions and such to help his partner feel better but he’s really lowkey so he doesn’t seem SUPER worried

he just hates seeing his partner not feeling so well </3

refreshes his partner’s vase of flowers at their bedside every day

brings home work so he can watch over his partner. he can’t cook super well either so he asks for help and brings stuff home from good hunter too

jean was okay to let kaeya off of work and diluc would never admit it (man practically swore everyone to secrecy smh) but he helped take up some of kaeya’s duties in his stead

and kae, the alcoholic, didn’t even drink while his partner was sick bc he was lowkey worried they would need his help w smth and he didn’t want to be drunk just in case <3

many cuddles despite protests of getting him sick <3

jean

absolutely uses her healer skills to make her partner feel better

panicked when they were still sick and thought it was her fault </3 she asked barbara and ohm for help and they just told jean to relax a bit bc her partner was sick and it wasn’t going to be a quick fix

wanted to take off work but didn’t, so she just brought her work with her

kaeya and ohm very kindly took up her other duties where she had to leave so she could be w her partner

her partner is staying in the kof hq where they get access to ohm and barbara comes to visit <3 but also so that jean can sleep comfortably enough close by bc you cannot tell me this woman does not sometimes sleep in her office or the library and barely makes it to the kof dormitories sometimes

she’s so worried the entire time, she’s probably got a few gray hairs and a new frown line smh

she has clothes that aren’t her work clothes???? it’s so foreign seeing her in stuff like pajamas. you didn’t even know jean owned pajamas

jean sets them up in her bed at home (yeah she has a place outside of the kof hq??? it’s surprising) but it’s a big bed so they can rest and she’ll have the lamp on her side on while she sits up and does work

absolutely dotes on them. she’s good at making foods that make them feel better, she’s just a good healer that way <3

albedo, klee, venti, kaeya, lisa, and ohm all come over to check on jean and co and make sure everyone is doing okay <3 lots of food brought

if jean was asked to sing to her partner normally, she probably wouldn’t bc she’d probably get embarrassed but i think she probably sounds v good and venti would give her his lyre to try out a musical instrument too. but also she’d read to her partner and they’d probably fall asleep together uwu

lisa

works part time hours at the library so she can go visit her s/o

probably asks them to stay at the kof hq for easier access to medical assistance and plus she’s almost always there

“cutie” but worried and very 🥺 (pleading emoji)

makes soup and potions and reads to her partner until they fall asleep

also super playful omg she’s still got a smile on and is full of affection while she walks her fingers up her partner’s arm to their face so she can cup their cheek

she’ll make her partner laugh and smile and blush even when they’re sick, but she makes them laugh until they cough sometimes and immediately feels so bad

jean, barbara, kaeya, albedo and ohm all come to visit with different foods and soups and medicines and such

klee comes knocking and gives lisa some good fisherman’s toast and asks lisa’s s/o if they want to hug dodoco b/c that always makes klee feel better

purple roses galore, lisa has them in her partner’s room and they’ve got a potion to make the. uh. sniffer? to make the sniffer feel better. don’t ask me how, idk but she would find a way to make them physically feel better with flowers

reads to her partner ofc, and she tells them stories ab her own life and time at sumeru sans the crazies

worried looks when her s/o is sleeping but also the softest smiles when they wake up pls-

albedo

cutest lil frown on his face when he finds out his partner is sick

immediately they are taken home and he’s testing to confirm what’s wrong w them and what he can do to speed up their recovery

he’s more distracted than usual at work but he’s coming over to your place all the time w what paperwork he can do

also sketches his partner while they don’t know. he’s got lots of beautiful candids of his partner sleeping, looking out the window, falling asleep, reading, even drinking water. he’s made the most mundane things look captivating

kaeya and ohm come to check on albedo when he doesn’t show up for work after a few days and it’s bc he’s taking care of his s/o with food and soup and alchemical potions and shit. and when kae and ohm come in, they find his partner opening the door wrapped in a blanket while albedo is asleep cuddling the pillow they left bc he stayed up the night before making soup and reading to them

klee has camped out on his partner’s couch, she helps w the cooking too~ she absolutely lets them hug dodoco and gives them a treasure to feel better too LOL

many kisses from klee and albedo, and they also go out to get treats for albedo’s partner too

domestic albedo cooking in his partner’s kitchen and for once it isn’t some alchemical potion that he might blow up the stove with

tartaglia

takes off work entirely but BOY OH BOY is he stir crazy smh

brings his partner to his apartment to rest <3

he’s so worried ab his s/o that he makes all the sick ppl food the first day, orders from wanmin restaurant when his partner wants smth different, and also gets toys and such to entertain them otherwise

also reads to his partner but, again, he gets stir crazy after a while

absolutely does workouts and katas in the living room and phew shirtless tartaglia working out? gets the heart rate up for sure ahem

rushes to his partner tho omg- need soup? water? a trip to the bathroom? another blanket? he goes to them the MOMENT he hears them moving around. absolutely dotes on them <3

his family knows ab his partner and he’s probably written letters ab them being sick~ his family sent snezhnayan herbs and flowers and medicines and such

zhongli comes around because he wants sugar daddy!tartaglia with tea and medicine from bubu pharmacy. hu tao is in tow with well wishes and a “hope i don’t find you at work!” which is. a little worrying because aren’t you just a little sick-

many kisses from tartaglia because he is Needy and he’ll absolutely get sick from cuddling his partner while they sleep

also he’ll probably just like. envelop his partner while they sleep. they’re all cuddled into him and he’s actually so warm it’s nice bc they’re cold w a fever and he’s living for comforting them

he’s so worried tho, he’s got the frowny face and he’s so adorable but he just doesn’t want his partner to feel sick

dainsleif

the man camps in ruins, he’s going to his partner’s house smh

he doesn’t go into the church either LOL so expect him in his partner’s home making dinner and doing their grocery shopping thanks

he would get ohm and barbara to come over tho <3 “fix them please” but also “how can i fix them”

is so dead set on making sure his partner takes their medicine at the right times, he’s so soft for them and them alone

cooks soup and old recipes he barely remembers from khaenri’ah. he doesn’t really get sick, so he doesn’t remember these ones too clearly. deffo brings back old memories he’d long forgotten

reads to his partner and tells them old stories of how the world used to be, his travels, gives them the gossip on a certain khaenri’ahn but doesn’t give away the name

ohm comes over with medicine and lollipops bc dain is so unlikely to go to the cathedral to get barbara smh

but also dain, so self-sufficient, is unlikely to want to ask for help, so ohm just goes to help anyway

dain with the old khaenri’ahn lullabies and tucking his partner into his arms and singing quietly while he holds them and rocks them to sleep

dain is immortal, he’s giving his partner kisses bc “i’m immortal, ofc i won’t get sick”

he got sick

but his s/o nursed him back to health and then there were smooches the end

ohm ambros

the doctor with his ill lover oh my god

he’s frowny, he’s taking care of his partner at his home in springvale and his home clinic is open to everyone else. but everyone knows his partner is the first priority LOL

kaeya and albedo come over to see if ohm is okay or if his house needs to be checked up on. they’re wondering if he went on a last-minute expedition to sumeru and didnt tell them

diluc comes over too, he’s just checking up on his best friend but he’s also stealing a cherry lollipop smh. he heard from kae that ohm’s partner is sick tho, so he brings some soup and good food over from adelinde. he also brings some of his own specialty food tho, the once upon a time in mondstadt <3

sulien sending letters to his big brother to see if his brother’s s/o is okay

ohm is also just super protective of his partner, there are not many people who come into his life who he loves and lets in in the first place. he’s absolutely trying to heal them with his own vitality, so their recovery is much shorter than initially expected

barbara also comes over w jean to check up on ohm and co, complete w a goody basket of soup, a teddy bear, flowers, and books

ohm reading to his partner <3 he’s got such a soothing voice even if his accent is wack LMAO. he’s reading stories and even his paperwork because just his presence is comforting

he puts his hands on his partner’s forehead to soothe the fever goodbye

ohm will not sing for his s/o simply bc he doesn’t think he sounds v good. and he probably doesn’t but it would be so cute to hear him try and please ohm? 🥺

n e way i want smooches idc if i’m sick KISS ME OHM AMBROS

sulien ambros

when he finds out his partner is sick, the man blinks like twice and then suggests so calmly that they go to his apartment in liyue

man does not sleep normally, he’s just going to nurse his partner back to health and read during their recovery. fruit tart can cover his duties for him <3

sulien cooks for his partner tho, he’s making soup and stuff and getting medicine from bubu’s pharmacy. he’s also picking up books on the way home but some of them are to be read to his partner so it’s okay-

like tartaglia, sulien works out while his partner rests and goes to them if he hears them moving around. he’s reading to his partner and not so frowny, but the slightest furrow of this man’s brow is already such a big expression of his concern <3

sends letters to ohm asking for advice ab how to help his partner feel better. ohm just sends a letter back with “i’m coming” and shows up within the day LMAO

reads to his partner, and the monotony of his voice is soothing and lulls them to sleep. he just looks at them affectionately (well affectionate for him) and presses a kiss to their forehead before finishing the story on his own and in his head

tartagalicious comes over and brings food, flowers and a teddy bear with some of sandrone’s paperwork but he sends a smile to sulien’s partner with some well wishes

scara comes over too just to visit and check to see where sandrone is, but scara is a grumpy bean so he just says “feel better” all brooding and like it’s a command to one of the fatui subordinates LOL

sulien like ohm uses his cold hands to soothe his partner’s fever and also gives them forehead kisses <3

Edit: a link to part 2

[anna-scribbles]

i was tagged by @ponpasta, a fact which nearly made me go into cardiac arrest bc pon is one of my favorite artists on this site and also the real actual creator of connie maheswaran <333 luh u <3

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

1. steven getting taken off cash register duty  (i’m just gonna include 1 panel from long comics)

I had to include one of my gf/su crossover things (even tho they’re from before I rly knew how to use procreate lol) bc thats the original anna-scribbles brand babey!! this comic is probably my favorite one from that series just bc it still makes me laugh and I love making steven stupid <3

2. prettiest boy in paris

this one isn’t particularly good from like an Artistic Standpoint but I just think i rly captured the essence of adrien with these. like. thats just a little boy. hes pretty and full of love. yeah

3. summer nights 

I like the colors and the vibe of this one a lot!! it feels very peaceful and casual which is something these kids don’t get a lot so I like to give it to them. I drew this before I knew how to color in procreate so I was v proud of the colors back then and i’m less proud now but ik I worked a long time on it so i’m still a little proud

4. just some stevens 

I like these a LOTTTT esp the top middle steven, I think he looks really steven-y. I had a lot of fun playing with different kinds of warm & cool lighting, and experimenting with different not-okay steven facial expressions. also I drew lion which I never do bc lions are hard to draw but I like how it came out. & the way he’s nuzzling steven’s neck turned out exactly how I wanted!!ok im done 

5. at comm

this was my first Big Commission!! I worked on it for many hours and I was very proud of how close to the original adventure time style I was able to get the characters. I showed it to my dad and he said he liked it :)

6. tell me something

this commission I love a whole lot!!! it’s a scene from one of my favorite fics EVER, tell me something (I don’t know) by @chatnoirinette​. idk if u can tell but the real star of this piece is the railing on marinette’s balcony bc that took SO LONG to draw. but i also like the expressions and the lighting and how glowy chat’s eyes are 

7. obvious animatic 

baby’s first animatic!!! ive been wanting to make an animatic since I was like 15  so I finally sat down and did it and I actually love it a lot. I think it’s rly expressive and fun to watch and I enjoyed testing how many sparkles I could put in adrien’s eyes until he ran out of pupil 

8. ladrien christmas 

this is my most recent full piece (for @mlsecretsanta​) so I actually kind of DO know how to color in procreate in this one!! I almost never do backgrounds but I tried one in this and I like how it turned out. also I love how glowy the little light strands are and i’m just a sucker for ladrien in general so all around it makes me happy to look at 

ill probably make a sappy post later abt how much fun being on tumblr has been for me this year but this post is already too long so we’ll save it lol 

I tag @sabertoothwalrus​ @spooksier​ @chatnoirinette​ @marikittynoir​ @ladybuginettes​ @peachcitt​ @tizzymcwizzy​ @rosekasa​ @jattendschaton​

no obligation obviously!! I just love all of your work sm <3

[taecnoal]

Hi!

Anais lore when 🔫

HI SYKE!

OOOOOOOOOO i could like, kiss u rn i think. as a friend but. kiss u nonetheless. pardon my jumbled thoughts ive been trying to write his lore for 3 days straight so im just. putting down wht comes to mind.

edit: THIS IS LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WAAAAAA

tags: @caniscreamintoanabyss, @ozzagi (bc i say so)

CW: child abandonment/neglect (just in case)

Anais was born in Liyue (One Parent was from Natlan and the Other from Liyue). But he didn't really have a home? His parents just kind of wandered around with him in tow.

They didn't really care much for him either.

So surprise surprise! He was abandoned when he was five during one of Liyue's harshest winters. They didn't leave him with much, just some herbs.

(In my selfship AU he is rescued from freezing to death by the Adeptus Lynn (@chickynn) and dropped off at Bubu pharmacy.)

Baizhu nearly straight up fainted. he was way younger and sicker here, so he didn't really know if he would b able to properly care for a child.

Tbh he considered giving anais to someone else but Gui scolded him for it. So while he originally kept anais out of obligation, that quickly faded.

He would help out around the pharmacy or even help take care of Baizhu when he really needed it. Also came out around like 12. (he didn't want to alter his body, just wanted everyone to stop calling him a girl!!!)

Around this time also, Baizhu and Anais found Qiqi while herb picking - from then on he was a big brother <3 (Baizhu did not see himself taking care of two children but they both grew on him n he's v proud of them)

Anais started getting jealous around age 14-15 becaus Baizhu and Qiqi had such pretty visions! He would hold them in his hands sometimes and dreamed about having a vision of his own.

Not much later, while he was herb picking with Qiqi a mitachurl attacked them - he was granted an anemo vision while protecting his little sister :D

The way they both raced home to show Baizhu, who beamed at him with pride and told him to take care of it.

(Elsewhere, the Adeptus Lynn is also smiling proudly! The boy she saved all those years ago was growing up so fast!)

Around his later teen years (17-18) anais wanted to start adventuring but baizhu forbade it. and he would've rebelled too, if baizhu didn't faint so easily.

once he hit abt 19/20 baizhu realized he couldn't keep him there forever! he gifted him a shiny, new, expensive looking catalyst for his birthday (though anais is skilled with all weapons, he prefers catalysts).

anais started adventuring not soon after that. he'd never been out of liyue harbor except to go herb picking, and even after that he couldn't really take in much scenery, since baizhu wanted him home before dark.

It took him a while to explore the entirety of liyue until he was satisfied. after that he moved on to mondstadt, the neighboring country.

(he reunited with Lynn here, who was returning from Inazuma)

Anais didn't really have a job while he stayed in mond. he didn't know if he was planning to stay or not, so he went around doing odd jobs for money.

ONE FATEFUL DAY he decides to hang at the esteemed Angel's Share. He seems to catch the attention of the red-haired bartender when he orders a nonalcoholic drink *wink wink*

He does get attached to Diluc and eventually goes back often to see him. which results in diluc working more shifts bc he also wants to see anais.

He also befriends kaeya during this time, since his teasing was relentless when it came to the two of them.

(diluc is actually blackmailed into confessing his feelings. "give me a free drink or i tell him how you feel" - lynn)

anais decided to stay in mond when he and diluc got together, joining mond's adventurers guild

(went back to liyue to tell baizhu he planned on staying. and that he also caught the eye of one of teyvats richest and most eligible bachelors. baizhu fainted.)

!! anais goes to liyue w/the traveler to act as a guide of sorts. befriends childe while he's there. beats his ass after he nearly drowns the harbor.

OTHER AUS TO CONSIDER!!

Harbinger!Anais AU

In this au he became a harbinger instead of going to mond.

one of the youngest harbingers alongside childe.

is best friends with childe and rivals with dottore + scara.

(dottore actually denied him harbinger status for a hot minute. would give him weird liquids and tell him to drink. anais does not trust him)

absolutely adores the tsaritsa. between him and childe it almost seems like a competition as to who can better gain her favor.

he uses a pyro delusion + sword, as well as his anemo vision + catalyst.

if he does get with diluc in this au its a double edged sword (?). they both only got with the other for information, but actually fell in love along the way. oops?

In Which He's With Itto + Sara, Not Diluc

he still ventures to mond in this au, but doesn't get with diluc.

he visits inazuma when lynn returns. as company :D

walks into itto, looks up, and quite literally faints. (emotions too strong maybe? exhausting trip? who would look at that hunk of a man and NOT faint???)

anyways thats how he met itto :D started hanging around him and his gang more, since itto was hellbent on making sure he didn't faint in public again.

met sara during one of her and itto's rematches. he actually stepped in to fight in itto's place because he was being careless. sara commended the way he fought which made him grow red in the face.

he showed up to every rematch after that.

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

Yoooo after that tattoo submission... Tattooed Levi?? Could be for Thirsty Thursday, too. Like just tattoos turning reader hella on and she likes tracing them during/after sex or smn. If otherwise, maybe like reader wants to get a tat? Or Levi's getting his first one? COULD BE OTHER WAY AROUND TOO FOR EVERYTHING. Like Levi being a lil hoe for reader's tat or somn 👀 YOU CHOOSE IDK

MY CAT FRIEND!!! Here is this monstrosity of a fic that took up almost all my time to thirst...Pls enjoy (; 

Not gonna tag this as thirsty thursday bc its mostly plot but still...v spicy. (I also apologize in advance to Star - somehow we had fics on the same day that had the whole “mine” thing so IM SORRY I WASNT TRYING TO DO IT AT THE SAME TIME O GOD)

Moot: Fake court! It’s like real court but staged – can be a part of a competition to see who can come up with the best arguments to a legal question, or just for fun!

Summary Judgement: dismissing a case before it goes to trial

My friend: what opposing counsel calls each other in court

Receiver General: the entity that takes and makes payments to the government (like for taxes etc)

I think that’s all the vocab…pls hit me up for more vocab if there’s something you would like explained!

((Continuation of my lawyerAU series – read THIS for all the deets, but basically, reader is in mergers and acquisitions, Levi is a senior partner of Tax, and shares Hanji as a legal secretary between himself and reader.  Erwin is the managing partner; Petra is his secretary. Mike is another lawyer, his secretary is Moblit.))

_____

Moot

The whole firm was abuzz, all the practice groups and their partners and senior partners gathered around the in the massive library at the firm. Where the desks usually were was now empty, save for a podium, a judge’s stand and a chair for the witness.

It was moot day.

A rare occurrence at the firm to begin with, the associates and first years got to see the moots happen around once a year, but this time. This time would be special.

Levi was for the plaintiff, and everyone came out to watch him moot. The man rarely went to court these days, most of his cases either getting dropped by opposing counsel when they realize who he was or settling for a more than fair amount he would negotiate. Not many people got to witness his performance in court, but if Erwin’s recounting of their law school days were anything to go off by, Levi was an absolute powerhouse.

The poor bastard that started this, was Jean. He was an associate, a good one at that, but had gotten a little cocky after landing a client. Yes, the client was a family friend of his, and yes, they called him ‘Jean-bo’, but they were a client, nonetheless.

All the other associates had gotten tired of his constant bragging that he was the best associate of the bunch and had ruthlessly put his head on the pike when it came to moot nominations.

Oh, the way the blood drained from Jean’s face when he found out he was Crown counsel against Levi. It truly was a moment to behold.

The two days to prepare were barely enough, even for Levi. He buried himself in books, research, and caselaw, sometimes asking you to help research. You did of course, happily. Anything if it meant you got to witness him demolish Jean in court.

Even just thinking about it had you rubbing your thighs together, the electric wave of desire shooting down straight to your core.

This morning, you had awoken without Levi beside you, and for a moment, you were shaken – until you realized he had left early to prep again. Clothes laid out for the day for you were on his side of the bed, and you knew your outfit would be matched perfectly to his tie. A little note lay perched on top of the hanger, “Sorry for waking up alone baby, I’ll make it up to you. See you at the office.”

He always knew you so well, your heart on your sleeve when it came to your feelings about him.

A look at the dress that was laid out, and you knew you had a better choice. Ignoring the cold of the floor, you walked over to your closet, taking out a dress, still with its tags on in from the corner, tucked behind some shoeboxes. It was a big day after all, maybe it was time to raise the stakes for both sides.

You walked into the lobby of the building, the security guard at the front desk already calling the elevators and authorizing your floor. You tried not to think it or notice it, but it seemed you were the centre of attention. Your heels clacked against the marble floor, your hair was freshly washed and fragrant, your jacket draped loosely over your shoulders, and the dress. The dress accentuated your figure in just the right way, hugging where it should. You felt hot, confident, and like you could take on the world.

Too bad you were just watching the trial today.

Hanji caught you putting down your bag in your office, returning some files and flicking through the messages left on your office line and checking your computer for any important filing dates that could not be missed and any client appointments. Your usual daily tasks could not be forgotten, even if your handsome devil of a partner was just down the hall, setting up his arguments.

A low whistle from your secretary had you blushing. They had noticed. A coy smile was all you replied with, leaving Hanji to cackle at their desk, wiping tears of mirth.

They walked up to you, holding your shoulders to admire the garment. It was a full black dress, a zipper spanning the front of it, at a tasteful angle.

“Does this…?” they asked, pointing to the part of the zipper you had undone, exposing some tasteful collarbone.

“Yup! Unzips all the way.” You winked.

“You’re going to make poor Jean choke on his opening arguments, and Levi rush through his closing statements just to get you home!”

“That’s the idea Hanji!”

You replied to a couple emails, set some dates with Hanji for client meetings and as the trickle of people making their way to the library started to slow, you checked your watch. Just about time.

Every time you stepped into the law library; it took your breath away. It was, had it not been for the dry volumes of case law that lined the shelves, you dream to own a library this large. Dark oak bookshelves stretched from floor to ceiling, coupled with those whimsical sliding ladders that helped you reach to the highest shelves made you feel like you were in a fairytale bookstore. The smell of the volumes and the gentle flick of the thin onion paper made you almost miss law school. Almost.

But today, the books were not the centre of attention. Today, all eyes were on the two men who were sitting beyond the bar. Levi on the right-hand side of the empty judge’s seat, and Jean on the left. Petra was playing the role of the clerk, and Mike was standing on the side, acting as bailiff.

Associates, other partners, and just about anyone else at the firm was sitting behind the bar in their seats, switching their phones off. You lost yourself for a moment, bowing to the crest of the court as you entered. You forgot you weren’t really in court, but your body moved on its own, upholding law decorum even when you didn’t need to. You had taken your seat just behind Levi, keeping quiet as not to distract him, but he must’ve felt your presence because he turned as you sat down, eyes glancing at your face before narrowing, taking in the dress you wore. You quirked a brow, fingers reaching for the zipper before tugging it down a couple of teeth before pulling it back up. You were playing with fire, in a courtroom no less, but hopefully…it would be worth it later.

Levi tore his gaze from you, scowling a little while he tried to regather his thoughts. A peek across the at Jean, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to throttle the man, or you.

Jean had stars, stars in his damn eyes as he watched you settle in your seat. If he hadn’t been sitting at his desk, he probably would’ve fallen over or dropped his files by now as he gulped, eyes drinking in your form in that god forsaken miracle of a dress.

You noticed of course, and smirked, throwing a wink towards Levi. You really were in for it later.

Just then, Petra stood and walked away from her seat. When she returned, she held the door, voice strong as she announced, “Honourable Judge Smith presiding. Please rise.”

Shuffling and shifting in the room as all rose, Erwin sweeping into the library in his robes, before finding his seat.

“Court is now in session. Please note there will be no recordings of any kind. Please ensure phone and pagers are turned off now. You may be seated.”

Shuffling once again as everyone took their seats.

Blue eyes regarded the two men who sat in front of him.

Levi stood, approaching the podium at the centre.

“Ackerman, first initial L, counsel for the plaintiff Your Honour.”

Erwin nodded as Levi continued.

“The matter I bring forth today is one of summary judgement, on page 13 of your honour’s list of cases.” He paused for a moment to let Erwin flip through his papers.  

“Your honour, we are applying for summary judgement as my friend,” Levi gestured across the courtroom to a now queasy looking Jean, “has alleged my client failed to fulfill his obligations in paying to the Receiver General taxes for which the crown is owed. The basis for the summary judgement is based on the fact that my client did indeed apply for and receive a certificate that applied to the sale of his taxable property.”

Erwin nodded, thinking for a second before nodding to Jean.

“Counsellor, what are the Crown’s allegations?”

Jean stood, eyes flitting back and forth before he took a deep breath, voice surprisingly strong.

“Your Honour, what my friend has said is accurate in the sense that a certificate was applied for and received. The Crown is alleging that the certificate was not issued until well after the time limit of 60 days had surpassed post sale of the house.”

Erwin nodded again, turning back to Levi, who scowled.

“Your Honour, as per the Act, section 104 sub 3 states as long as the certificate was applied for before the time limit, it will be valid. This is supported by cases such as Jaeger v The Queen, Numbered Company v Attorney General.”

You squirmed in your seat, watching the way Levi held himself as he presented his case. Jean’s argument was good, but Levi’s was better. His cases were relevant, from high ranking courts that wielded more power compared to Jean’s cases that the frazzled man was currently trying to present to Erwin.

The words that came from Levi’s mouth in court proceedings were much different than the words he spoke in client meetings or with you in private. He was persuasive. So much so that you couldn’t help but agree with him, his logical reasoning flowing neatly from one thought to the next.

Your eyes couldn’t help but follow him across the courtroom, even without a jury, he was commanding the audience that assembled, his confidence in his abilities making a familiar heat start to rise in your stomach.

By the time you looked back up, focusing onto Erwin’s words, he was giving his verdict.

“Counsellors, the arguments made today were well presented and persuasive. However, applying the law, I must find for the plaintiff. The charges do not stand.”

Looking back at Levi, he spoke again, “Any other matters Counsellor?”

Levi shook his head. “None your honour, I stand down any additional matters for today.”

Erwin looked to Jean, who said the same.

“Dismissed, court is adjourned.”

Erwin stood, and the entire gallery did as well, before he shuffled from the room. He almost immediately came back in however, this time without his robe.

He clapped a still somewhat green tinged Jean on the back, complimenting him on a job well done, helping point out some aspects of his argument that could be improved while the spectators clapped, whistles from the other associates and students making the man blush a little with all the attention. Even you shot him a thumbs up, making the man turn a bright red as he shakily gave you a thumbs up in return.

Erwin then moved on to Levi, smiling fondly at his old friend. “I expected you to hold back your punches Levi, poor Jean got no mercy from you.”

“That’s what you get. I consulted on the Act; it was an unfair fight from the beginning. Jean, you performed admirably. I was nervous for a second.”  

Across the room, Jean nearly swooned. Compliments from both the Managing Partner and Senior Partner were too much. All he could do was smile and thank everyone over and over again as a hand rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Alright you lot,” Erwin’s booming voice took back control and attention, “Get out of here, unless you have client meetings or cases to prep for trial, get out of here. Take an early day. You all earned it.”

Levi didn’t need to be told twice, already packing his briefcase. He strode past the bar, bowing to the court before he met you by where you stood, throwing his suit jacket over your shoulders.

You watched, nibbling your lips as he dropped his winged cufflinks into his jacket pocket which now hung at your sides before rolling his sleeves up. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. Revenge for your sexy little outfit.

His forearms were revealed with each flick of his wrist, and soon, our favourite sight – tendrils of ink – appeared into view as he took your hand.

“Let’s go home you little tease.”

~

Your fingers were at the buttons of his dress shirt even before your bodies were through the door. You kicked your heels off, not caring where they landed as you pulled Levi through the foyer and directly into the bedroom, his belt and suit pants coming off sometime during the frenzy.

Your hand came up to unzip your dress, but Levi swatted your hands away.

“Keep it on.” His voice barely above a growl. “I think I need to remind you of something that may have slipped your mind…”

His hand brushed against your cheek as he kissed it, “Mine.”

His licks and nibbles trailed over your jawline before he whispered in your ear, “Mine.”

His hand drifted down along the zipper of your dress, cold air making your nipples pebble as he revealed inch after inch of your supple skin.

“All mine.” He growled, grazing over your exposed and now goosebumped flesh

You could only nod in agreement, knees weak as you knelt on the bed, on all fours, your dress forgotten on the floor as you shed your now soaked panties.

“Please…” you begged, your wavering patience evident by the wiggle of your hips

Levi wasn’t about to bow to you, and you could hear the smile in his voice as his breath ghosted over your back. “Please what?”

“Counsellor,” you whimpered, something snapping inside you, “Fuck me.”

A grunt came from behind you as Levi’s hand found the perfect globes of your ass, still wiggling impatiently for him.

“Dirty little tease,” he scolded as you felt him rub the length of himself against your dripping folds, covering himself with your arousal.

“You going to be a good girl for me?” he whispered, the tip of his cock lined up against your trembling slit.

“Yes, yes, god Levi, please!” you begged, “Please please, I’ll be so good, take me, ta-aH!”

Whether he was at the end of his rope as well, or if it was your begging, but hands gripped your hips as he sank himself into you, the delicious stretch of him inside you never failing to make you throw your head back.

You needed more than just him inside you. You wanted him to move. You decided to take what you wanted from him, throwing your body back to meet his hips, your screams of pleasure muffled against the bedsheets as you leaned on your elbows.

Your moans were in line with each movement of Levi’s hips behind you, the way he angled his hips and the curve in his cock perfectly hitting that sweet spot inside that made you choke out his name in sobs.

You were so close, but you wanted more. You wanted mind-numbing, back-breaking pleasure.

“Le-vi…vi…more…more...fa-ah…faster!”

You felt the mattress dip as he planted a foot, gaining better leverage. When he reared back and plunged himself into you again, your arms gave out, your scream thankfully muffled as Levi hit some deep unknown part of you, your hands unable to do much more than fist in the bedsheets as you begged him to keep going, your orgasm coming any second.

His grip on your hips were bruising, and as Levi got closer to his own release, his hands moved to your ass, gripping a cheek in each hand, using them as a handle to keep plunging himself inside you.

He felt the first twitch of his release just as your walls tightened around him, wrapping him impossibly tighter and pulling him deeper into you. A rare growl escaped his lips as he shoved himself as deep as he would go, your spine a beautiful curve he knew would hurt the next day. He emptied himself inside you as your thighs trembled, barely keeping you upright. A hand around your waist and you found yourself on your side, muscles in your body still twitching.

By the time you caught your breath, the sun was casting its gorgeous orange glow through the window. The curtains were partly closed, but the light that filtered through illuminated the dark tendrils that decorated Levi’s skin.

Your fingertips traced them, making him quirk an eye at you before he shifted closer, letting you feel him.

Your soft touch travelled across his forearms, up his arms, tracing his biceps before you lost the trail of ink as it went over his shoulders.

“Why the pout?” Levi’s eyes didn’t miss a thing.

“Kind of wanted to see your tattoos while we were fucking…” you whispered, feeling another pang of desire.

“I think that can be arranged,” he chuckled, catching your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

“Hey Levi…?”

“Mm?”

“What do you think of me getting a tattoo…? Maybe here?” You gestured to the space between and underneath your pert breasts.

Another dip in the mattress as you suddenly found yourself caged against the bed, Levi’s hands on either side of your head as he dipped his head for a harsh kiss against your lips.

“I think…I’ll fulfill that first wish of yours, and then when you get whatever it is you want done…I’ll make you have to take a day off work so I can thoroughly appreciate it.”

[samanthadalton]

Truth or dare

(this is loosely based on the truth or dare scene from the freshman where mc and kaitlyn kissed for the first time) 

sorry if it sucks im still getting used to writing 😬😬

Pairing: poppy x mc (Bea) 

warnings: i’m not sure there’s any actual warnings except for any implied sex near the end

tag list: @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @cloud9in (if you wanna be tagged in any future writings just ask)

word count: i have no idea tbh i got carried away

You were lying on the couch in your dorm room scrolling through instagram trying to find some entertainment since Zoey apologetically told you she’s ditching your saturday plans of drinking wine and binge-watching how to get away with murder since she had a hot date with one of the guys on the football team. You find yourself scrolling through Poppy’s instagram- not because you liked her or anything- i mean liking Poppy your number 1 enemy?? that was a big hell no 👁👄👁- you were just merely curious about her new brand deal with Read My Lips since Veronica mentioned that the brand in reality was pretty crap and made both her and Poppy break out like crazy. 

Speaking (or thinking really) of the devil, you suddenly get a text from Veronica:

V.: Hey social climber you got any plans tonight 👀

you: not really no, why? you finally taking me up on my offer 😉

V.: You wish Farmsville, come over to the sorority tonight 

you: still sounds like you want me 

V.: Guess you’ll have to come and find out 💋

You put your phone down and internally debate with yourself as to whether or not you should go since this is the first time Veronica has ever asked to hang out with you and you’re not sure about her intentions. ‘Well she’s hot and wants me there so I should go’ You dismiss any negative thoughts from your head and decide to head over to the sorority house dressed casually in a pair of dark blue ripped jeans and a black cropped t-shirt and black vans- you didn’t forget to wear your super sexy black laced lingerie since anything could happen tonight, except you didn’t expect this outcome....

You text Veronica as you make your way to the sorority and she texts you back with a thumbs up and tells you to just make your way inside and meet her in the living room. You begin to worry a little since you’re not sure if the rest of the Zeta girls will be at the house, and you were kinda hoping to have a chilled out night with Veronica or at least some fun without anyone else knowing about it.

You enter the house and make your way into the living room where you see a bunch of the zeta girls sitting in a circle, some sitting on the sofa while others are on the floor with pillows and blankets to make themselves more comfortable. Your mind stutters because this isn’t exactly what you were expecting but you’re soon pulled out of your thoughts when Veronica grabs you by your arms and drags you into the middle of the room, “Hughes you made it!” she squeaks.

“Veronica what the hell, what’s going o-“

“What the hell is she doing here?” You already know who it is judging by the cutthroat tone, though she doesn’t raise her voice, Poppy Min Sinclair has the ability to slice through anything just using her words. Without missing a beat Veronica loops her arms through yours and spins you around to face the queen of belvoire herself.

“I invited her here, I thought it would be more fun to include someone who isn’t part of the sorority”

“So you thought to invite wannabee Hughes” Poppy crosses her arms and of course her trusty little pup is there too and a second later she crosses her arms too.

“Eww Veronica you can’t just invite random people who knows what farm diseases she has”

You roll your eyes at Chloe, I mean seriously is that the best she can come up with? You step forward and Veronica lets go of your arm.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on but if this is meant to be some weird hazing or sorority prank I don’t wanna be a part of it”

“Don’t worry Bea, we are just playing truth or dare” Taylor squeaks out, you turn and face her, bless the poor girl she looks like she’s about to combust from embarrassment after Poppy clears her throat.

Poppy looks at you with an eyebrow raised, “shut up Tess, but colour me intrigued let’s see what kind of secrets Farmsville is hiding”

She begins looking at you with a little curiousity and starts to take in your outfit, “someone get her some proper clothes if she’s going to stay”

Its only then you realise that the zeta girls aren’t wearing their usual preppy outfits but are all wearing some cute nightwear and you realise you stick out like a sore thumb.

“Don’t worry P, since I invited her i’ll get her some clothes” Veronica takes hold of your arms and pulls you to her room.

After finding some suitable clothing for you (a white silk tank top with a cute lace around the neckline and some pink silk shorts) Veronica leaves you in her room to get changed and soon you make your way back downstairs to the circle where the girls are casually drinking wine in some very expensive looking crystal glasses.

“Tess, get Farmsville a drink” Poppy practically barks and Taylor runs to grab you a glass. You sit on the floor next to Veronica while Poppy and Chloe sit opposite you on the sofa and the other girls fill up the rest of the circle.

Once everyone begins drinking, Poppy abruptly claps her hands together and all the girls lift up their heads to look at the blonde, “now ladies we can finally begin” her eyes move to yours “and since it’s wannabee’s first time here you start, truth or dare”.

gulp.

If you choose truth, Poppy has the chance to ask you anything but if you pick dare she could make you do anything, you decide to pick the safest (or the safer one) option and choose

“truth”

Poppy’s eyes bore into yours while she thinks of a question, however Chloe hiccups (she must be a total lightweight bc she already seems kinda drunk) and speaks out “do you have a crush on Professor Kingsley, I see the way you look at her”

Poppy looks slightly annoyed that Chloe took her opportunity to ask you a question and covertly digs her nails into Chloe whose face just turns bright pink.

You on the other hand begin sweating a little since you can’t exactly be too truthful and tell them you slept with her before the school year began so you give a careful smile and answer, “I mean she is hot who wouldn’t have a crush on her”

The rest of the girls already seem bored since the answer wasn’t exactly satisfying so you turn to Veronica

“I guess it’s my turn to ask, truth or dare”

.....

After a bunch of rounds of truth or dare, in which you learnt that Taylor has some really weird sex fantasies and Chloe once knocked herself out by walking into a lamppost, while Veronica was forced to upload a picture of herself pretending to throw up in the toilet and a few of the other girls were forced to either eat a bunch of chillies and prank call Dean Steinhelm, it’s finally Poppy’s turn.

“I think I should ask Poppy, truth or dare” you smirk smugly at the blonde while she just looks unimpressed and merely just shrugs

“Go ahead Hughes, I choose truth”

You think carefully, I mean you could ask her anything, however there’s one thing that’s been eating up your mind and you just have to ask

“Do you really love Bradley”

Poppy just scoffs, “seriously? that’s what you wanted to waste your question on?”

She raises an eyebrow at you, unsure of your angle since she knows you could’ve literally asked her anything. she keeps her answer short and unfulfilling, “It’s a new relationship so I wouldn’t say I love him”

And then she just doesn’t say anything else, she looks down at her drink and carefully sips her wine while you just stare at her trying to calculate what you can take from her answer.

Veronica snaps you out of your thoughts and slightly slurs her words, “My turn Hughes, truth or dare?”

“dare”

“I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room”

damnit. one thing you were trying to avoid was awkward and/or forced intimacy or contact with these girls. Your eyes shift between each girl trying to buy some time before you’re expected to make a move.

Your eyes fall on Poppy’s and as your eyes meet, her dark brown eyes open wide when she realises what you’re thinking. But she doesn’t look mad or disgusted, instead she looks kinda intrigued and a little smirk appears on her face like she’s flattered you chose her.

You crawl over to the sofa where Poppy is sitting and all eyes are on you now.

“Well indulge me Miss Min Sinclair?” You give Poppy a cheeky little wink and she visibly blushes.

“Shut up Hughes don’t make it awkward, it’s just a kiss”

You deflate a little, “right, it’s just a kiss”

You lean up a little to reach the blonde’s lips and you tentatively brush your lips against one another.

��Damn her lips are soft’ you think to yourself and when you suddenly get a taste of her strawberry lipgloss you begin to lose control. You open your mouth to kiss her harder while Poppy takes a sharp breath and opens her mouth to allow your tongue inside her mouth. She moans a little and you swear it’s the hottest sound you’ve ever heard and you kiss her even harder, lips pressing together full of passion. You finally break apart from the kiss, both gasping for the much needed air and you both stare intensely at each other momentarily forgetting where you are.

The spell is broken by someone clearing their throat and you turn to see Veronica frowning slightly, “damn I wish I had my phone right now, that was so hot my Veronicats would’ve loved that”

You and Poppy awkwardly look at each other and both blushing furiously, you look away simultaneously and you make your way back to your side of the circle.

You think to yourself ‘what the hell was that’ while Poppy already looks like she’s ready to move on. With a flip of her hair she clears her throat, “well it’s pretty obvious I’m the hottest one here so I don’t blame Farmsville for wanting to get a taste.”

You think to yourself ‘that was more than a taste’. While reeling back from the epic kiss you don’t even have a comeback but luckily drunk Chloe is there to rescue you from this awkward moment by shouting “MY TURN!”

The rest of the night seems to go on without anything else as scandalous as that kiss happening, excluding Chloe falling face down on the floor when she was trying to get to the bathroom and eventually the zeta girls begin to make their way to bed after drinking way too much.

You’re left with only Veronica and Poppy in the living room and when you get up to stand you feel a little dizzy, you blink crazily and groan “damn i think i drank way too much”

“It’s cool Hughes you can crash on the couch tonight there’s no way you can get back to your dorm like this” and with that Veronica pats your back and makes her way to her room leaving you alone with Poppy.

Poppy just sits on the sofa watching Veronica leave and you clear your throat which gets her attention. She turns her head to look at you, and her eyes check you out, almost like she’s contemplating.

You try and dispell some of the awkwardness since Poppy is just staring at you and you jokingly say “well that kiss was pretty good huh?”

Poppy pouts her lips a little and raises one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows at you, “just pretty good?” her tone almost teasing.

You almost falter a little in your gaze, was Poppy flirting with you or was it just the alcohol making you delirious? “Well, considering it was cut short and there was an entire audience watching us I guess it wasn’t exactly my best”

“Oh? So you think you can do better than that?” Poppy slowly stands and walks towards you, you swear that she juts her hips a little as she makes her way to stand right in front of you.

You begin to feel flustered and just manage to gape your mouth open with no words coming out of it. Poppy simply smirks at your bewildered expression while her fingers slowly trail up your arm and she leans in and whispers into your ear, “why don’t you show me”

[hongism]

Do you have any good ateez X reader fanfics Recs? I’m in need of a good long fanfic If not long Then a really really good one lol I just have a hard time finding some lol

BOY HOWDY IM FINALLY HERE okay but fr tho i’m sorry this took me Lightyears to do im so bad at remembering what fics i read and how i tag them so i lost my mind while trying to find them all and i’m sure i missed a lot of favs so i Apologize in advance asiodjfosijdf some are kinda popular so you might have seen them before but some do not get the credit they deserve and i could sit here and sing the praises of these fics and their authors for years but i won’t put y’all through that ._.

You can’t even reach my neck - @kpopscenario - seonghwa

summary: They’re best friends and have feelings for each other but they both don’t know about the others crush, Seonghwa comforts her after another bad date. (Basically friends to lovers college!au)

yes i am a Sucker for a damn f2l college au on occasion and this is one of those Incredible and Well Written occasions i love this fic and the length is perfect and long in the best way 10/10 would recommend and it’s great

such a good girl for me - @starrychannies - mingi

summary: no summary but the warnings should tell you Everything you need to know wink wonk skljdlkdfj

warnings: harddom!mingi, sub!reader, size kink (its mingi duh), choking, sir kink, pet names, mix of praise and degradation, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, slight overstim, slight humiliation (?), a lot of fluffy aftercare.

i find it Uber hard to write smut that is well written in all honesty like i can’t read my own smut bc i can’t Stand It i just think it’s awful but there are so so many authors out there who can write smut and write it well and i admire starrychannies so much for such incredible writing talent with smut yesyes

Alone - @actuallythatwaspromise - san

summary: again n/a but good lord royalty au prince san, princess reader, smack me over the head because i really adore this 2.2k fic and good lord this fic gets me emo and i dont even know why??? the angst is soft and barely there but i’m still over here sobbing for no reason oisdfoaijdiof

detention - @/starrychannies - wooyoung

warnings: badboy!wooyoung, goodgirl!reader, smut, voice kink, corruption kink, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, exhibitionism kink, wooyoung has piercings and reader is a Big Fan, mention of gags, light degradation.

this, this shit right here, this is so good WHEW i dont really have the words but hot damn, i just love this fic and i love love love the way the author wrote the the fic and it’s Hot:tm:

violet roses - @/starrychannies - yunho

warnings: F L U F F, college!au, s2l, first meeting, yunho is a soft babie, yunhos pov!!, love at first sight, pining, bit of slow burn, yunho is Whipped, suggestive teasing, hyunjin is mentioned briefly in the beginning, protective yunho, mingi makes an appearance, mentioned that mingi’s gay, san is mentioned, smut, softdom!yunho, sub!reader, praise, car sex, SIZE KINK!!!!, vaginal penetration, fingering, finger riding, penetrative sex, daddy kink, yunho lowkey has a corruption kink, multiple orgasms.

did i die? yes but only a lot. ahhhh i LOVE me some damn s2l slow burn and pining that shit hits the spot and this fic has it wrapped up in a nice and lovely package pls read pls pls pls read

lover boys - @/starrychannies - seonghwa + hyunjin

warnings: smut, wet dreams, poly relationship, boy x boy, non idol verse, ateez x skz crossover (yay!), harddom!seonghwa, softdom!hyunjin, sub!reader, threesome, reader is Needy, hyunjin is Sleepy, seonghwa is Amused, pwp, light somniphilia, dirty talk, petnames, some degradation, early morning sex, oral (giving), throat fucking, reader has no gag reflex and hyunjin is In Love with it, fingering (receiving), spanking (like twice), unprotected sex, light cum play, cum swallowing, little bit of praise, cuddles!

i really just need a minute whenever i think about this fic bc i highkey die every time i think about it??? two of my ults??? i can’t??? i really can’t handle this honestly like woW osdijfoijdfoi the way i melted we love to see it 🤩

entanglement - @sanduction - wooyoung

summary: when the boy who had explicitly spelled out his implausible hatred towards you on every possible occasion tells you that he’s a dog, who would’ve guessed that you possessed the other half of his soul? not you, at least. life sure had a shit-load of guts to pull a twilight on you like that.

okay so deadass if you know me you know that i really am not the type to read werewolf/hybrid fics. i just typically don’t go for them or read them but this fic. this fic. oh my god. the way it’s so seamless and works so perfectly, i’ll never recover like W O W i love this fic that is all honestly i have mad respect for all writers who do werewolf/hybrid fics bc i can’t write them at all, so sanduction huge major props to you i love your work!!!

who catches the alpha? - @teeztheflag - hongjoong

summary:  „You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

aka another phenomenal werewolf fic with alpha hongjoong that made me fall over in a totally great way. the angst the fluff the little suggestive bits it all flowed and fit together perfectly and i am still in love with this fic no matter how much time passes

bite me - @atinyidea - yunho

summary: vampire!au, vampire!yunho, vampire!reader, female!reader established!relationship / warnings! angry s*x?, biting, blood, sir k*nk, consensual s*x, teasing, begging, rough play, overstimulation

this fic is ~spicy~ and whew it is good wow just the idea of yunho and reader being immortal together was like awww then it got spicy and i went to o_o real quick but it is such a good fic and wow i love it i dont even have words bc im Dumb but wow

You Got It Like That? - @kimnamshiks - wooyoung

summary: You just needed to get through this week at the resort at the hands of 20 coworkers and Wooyoung; the Sales Department Supervisor who got some raunchy photos of you the day prior.

honestly wow sodifjoisdjf i love this fic so much i just wow honestly the reader is a whole mood when wooyoung texts about the pictures and i was reading like ‘ahahaa me.’ oisjdfoij god the back and forth between wooyoung and the reader just had me rolling legit i got flustered like pls wooyoung just HAAHHAHA WOOYOUNG IN THIS FIC GETS ME FLUSTERED AS FUCK it is all because tay is a Stellar Writer and makes those emotions come to life in amazing ways and i’ll never ever get over it just whew banter in fics is legit one of my favorite things ever and tay does it with such beautiful ease that i am Enamored but i am also Rambling just pls read this fic oh my god it’s so good

be my neighbor - @jeonginks - seonghwa

summary: seonghwa moved into the apartment next to yours, and he stumbled into a situation he didn’t expect to face.

wow i l o v e this fic it’s just a perfect blend of angst and fluff and it sends me to space every time i read it soidfjoidjf don’t ask why space but it just does i kinda ascend okay? anyway wow this fic is such a gem and it is sO underrated in my opinion. the dialogue is written so beautifully and with an ease that i think is often times hard to capture?? wow just amazing

Cheat Codes - @serendipityunho - seonghwa

summary: “This party’s boring, wanna get out of here?”, may have perhaps led you to make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with your best friend’s other best friend, your best friend who happens to be in love with you.

me: wow i never read college aus hahhaa

also me: reads a shit ton of college aus sodifjodijf

honestly this fic is 100% fantastic from start to finish, it’s 5.3k of pure greatness and i just really love this fic altho my heart broke at the end it still fit perfectly and was amazingly written ;-;

that is all i have for today slkdfljdlk however i will be shameless and say that if you would like some Long Bois for ateez i have a few but i’ll link the fics i loved writing the most and am v proud of :3

storge - mingi

liquorice and ivories - hongjoong

[mrfutureboy]

@rovermcfly tysm for tagging me and sorry this took 5ever!!

why did you choose your url?

i wanted a bttf url last summer when i got back into the fandom, and i wanted it to be specific to marty bc i love him but i also want to be him. im like, obsessed with the nickname "future boy" that doc gives him in 1955, and the url futureboy is taken, so i am mrfutureboy bc i am marty (kinnie shit)

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

i literally only have a handful for url-saving purposes. @rhodeystark and @masloki are my most notable old urls so i wanted them for safe keeping. i also have @goodnightfutureboy bc that was one of the bttf urls i was considering and i never got around to deleting it (if by chance anyone wants that lmk)

how long have you been on tumblr?

I think i joined in 2010.

do you have a queue tag?

back when i blogged a lot on desktop, xkit worked for me, and i actually queued shit for my blog it was “since queue been gone” bc i thought i was clever. i still think its clever tbh i just dont really queue anymore

why did you start your blog in the first place?

Iirc, an irl friend of mine heard about tumblr thru an upperclassman she was friends with, so she was like “sonny we should sign up for tumblr!” and i was like sure why not. first url was miss-math bc thats my deviantart username

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

im obsessed w mjf but im also a kinnie /j. i specifically love his look in that interview and also i own a very similar sweater now so. it me. also im basically aromantic even tho i dont really use the label so yeah i put that behind his pretty face

why did you choose your header?

skfkdksk its because i kept fucking dying in the stuart little 2 gba game. I havent played in a while but im stuck on the level where stuart goes into the sink drain to retrieve the wedding ring that isnt even in there

what’s your post with the most notes?

Feel free to fact check me, but im 90% sure it’s a screenshot of gwen and trent from tdi that i took, where gwen is like leaning on the table all miserable and trents got his hand on her back, captioned “rb if you agree” bc i thought they were really cute. i still get fucking notifications for that post i think its at over 500 notes now

how many followers do you have?

i dont particularly like sharing this since this is the only site that doesnt make that public, and it’s nice to not feel intimidated or make other people feel intimidated or ashamed, like how it kinda makes you feel bad when you have fewer followers than your friends on insta. but i’ll play, and as of right now i have 1065 followers im very grateful for <3

how many people do you follow?

240. ik my ratio is bad i promise im not being an asshole abt it

have you made a shitpost?

Ive been on tumblr a long time. Of course i have

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

I get turned off by those posts a lot but i do be reblogging shit sometimes ill admit. but not blindly like i have to actually read it and care about it. But if its a 10 mile long post where everyones adding how necessary it is that its rb’d, forget about it

do you like tag games?

yeah!!! it just takes me a long time to finish them lol

do you like ask games?

I dont play them v often or receive them but i do!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@chloezhao, period. also @jedflah and @lonepinetimeline were some of the big names within the bttf community that i kept seeing last summer and i remember being like “omg they followed me”. (Well. Actually with theo i didnt recognize his main blog so for an embarrassingly long time i didnt realize we were mutuals slfksk. he would like my personal posts and i was like “wait who is this” and i felt like a huge idiot when i realized it was him! our 1 yr friendaversary is coming up love u cowboy <4)

do you have a crush on a mutual?

no but @biathelstan and i are cowboy soulmates

Tagging: @biathelstan @thereisnosafetythistime @anakins-rattail @mahourobotto

[ddaenggtan]

forever rain | knj | m

Being dead isn't anything exciting. Just a lot of walking the same halls of the same apartment day after day after day. Things change when the new tennant arrives, though. Kim Namjoon isn't anything you could have expected; not the way he's so careful and gentle with his plants because he breaks so many other things, not the way his friends joke that he's psychic because you refuse to let him get in the face one time, and certainly not the way he comes home after literal months spent moving things away from table edges for him and announces that he knows he's being haunted and he has some questions for you. You didn't know ghosts could fall in love, but he makes you feel alive again, like you're standing in the rain while thunder crashes around you. You should've known nothing good would come of falling in love with someone living, though. You should've known that heartbreak was the only way this could end...that the rain doesn't last forever. 

part of the Love Yourself Collab, please please please go check out the other fics. Everyone involved is so freaking talented and I have been vibrating out of my skin with how excited I’ve been to read all of these. 

pairing | kim namjoon x reader (unspecified gender, even!)

word count | 18.8k | cross posted to ao3

genre/warnings | ghost!reader, slight fluff, hard angst, literally the most angst ever it gets fluffy for a bit but litERALLY this is an angst fic, major character death, unprotected sex (idk what the etiquette for ghost sex is but you should still wrap it before you tap it fam), depictions of terminal illness (v mild), mentions of blood (several, but not graphic), major character death, allusions to violence, namjoon is a klutz whats new, depictions of terminal illness, major character death, i added that tag three times pls dont read this if you aren’t comf with mcd bc i literally tagged it three times so y’all would definitely see it, also probably have some tissues ready bc i cried while writing it so 

a/n | this is, to date, the saddest thing i have ever written in my entire fucking life. formal apologies to this joon bc oh my god you poor soul. i’m not kidding when i say you might cry, because i’m a big baby wuss and cried while writing the fucking outline when i first decided to write this for the collab so like......rip my own heart. i was really honored when i was approached about the LYA collab, bc like,,,,,mE? WHAT? and i was really nervous because i’ve never been part of any collabs in any fandom ever, and to have to do something like forever rain and mono as a whole justice, like,,,,,,, *screaming* y’know?? so i went on mono lockdown and just had the whole thing on repeat and was like “alright. what emotions does this make me feel.” and i eventually settled on the loneliness and isolation that he expresses, and feeling like no one understands what you’re going through, but that ultimately the album as a whole and forever rain give off this feeling of like. things get better, you’re not as alone as you feel, and you just gotta get through the bad stuff to find the good stuff. basically i just got really in my feels about it and was like ‘lets make myself cry ahahaha’ and,,,i dID i cried several times while planning and writing and editing bc im a Soft Bitch and don’t read much angst for that exact reason lmao. so buckle tf up y’all, this a helluva ride!! 

Of all the things you'd heard about death, all the different possibilities that existed in the world, the one thing you hadn't been prepared for was the boredom. You hadn't been prepared for any of it, really, too surprised by your own demise to plan at all, but even if you'd been able to, you don't think that this is what you would've counted on. An eternity - or however long ghosts existed - of being stuck in the same studio apartment you'd lived in when you died. The same walls, the same floor, the same view out the only window of the alley beside the building. It's boring and lonely and boring.

You've found more creative ways to entertain yourself as time passes. First, you started by figuring out just what being a ghost meant. You can't really communicate with anyone, haven't figured out how to make sure everything you say is heard, but you can manipulate objects pretty easily these days. The most difficult thing is becoming fully corporeal - completely visible and able to interact with things at the same time. It's hard enough to be visible, and you aren't really sure what the point of it would be when it would just scare whoever's living in your apartment; that's the last thing you want to do, run them off when they're the best source of amusement you've found.

You won't lie, you were a little offended when the first tenants moved in after you. It was difficult to watch your things get packed up and moved out by your friends, hard to lose all of the little things you loved in your apartment, like the shitty bead curtain you'd gotten as a gag gift or the photo collage of all of your loved ones. It's frustrating to not know how they're all doing these days; the one time you got brave enough to fuck with a laptop to check on them, you nearly broke the thing, and you haven't tried since. Still, it seemed cathartic for them to clear out your apartment, and it was a bittersweet sight, but you tried to focus on the positive side of it.

And then the couple moved in.

Not only did they fuck like rabbits - which is something you're going to stay pissed about, because there's no satisfaction to be had by you anymore, and it's the one thing you can think of that would be endlessly entertaining - but the couple was also grossly obnoxious. They had zero respect for your apartment , or you, and while one could argue that they didn't actually know you were there, it still made the sting of losing your entire life that much worse. You spent you don't know how many nights hovering awkwardly in the bathroom while they fucked, would constantly wander in to see them going at it on the kitchen counter at ass o'clock in the morning, and once you came in to see them tossing actual literal eggs at the ceiling like the absolute fucking weirdos they were.

So, naturally, you got a little mad. How dare they treat your apartment like that? They had no respect, but they were going to learn it real quick if they were going to live there with you, whether they wanted to or not.

They didn't last long after the first night of slamming cabinets and squealing hinges, but the thrown picture frame of their family was the conclusive end to their stay.

There have been others, since then. They haven't all been terrible, not like that first couple, but most of them have been sub-par roommates, and if you decided early on that if the rest of your immortal life is going to be locked in one shitty apartment with the absolute worst view in the city - because no one wants to see the drunken hookups and potential body dumps that take place in that alley - then you're at least going to share said apartment with someone nice to exist with.

You release a heavy sigh, staring at where your hand disappears through the shower wall. You've taken to testing the boundaries of the apartment again; you already know what the result will be, learned in the first few hours that you're stuck here, but you can't help trying when you get really bored. You just got distracted fucking around with the pipes in the meantime, because you're literally too bored to even focus. It's part of why you miss the last tenants so much, because you weren't ever really bored with them around.

A single mother and her two kids, crammed into a much-too-small apartment because it was all they could afford, and they were the light of your un-life. One a budding teenager that wrote angsty poetry who loved your trick of making things float around, and one an adorable toddler who adored playing peekaboo with you and coloring, and a mom that was too busy to notice anything out of the ordinary. It was like having a family again, made you feel useful when you could pull the meat out of the freezer for her to make dinner with or scratch a quick 'do your homework' on a steamy bathroom mirror. It was fun and it made being dead that much more bearable.

You really should've known that letting the toddler draw the two of you would be a bad idea, especially since there were several artistic liberties taken. It's not your fault the kid thought you'd look cool with fangs and bloody holes instead of eyes and claws that reached the floor. It was art, it was supposed to be a little different from reality. Still, you can't blame her for seeing the picture of her kid and 'my new best friend' and immediately calling the landlord. And a priest.

So, perhaps you gave the apartment a bit of a reputation. Maybe it's been a couple of months since the mom moved out and took your two buds with her. There might be the possibility that you've been the slightest bit salty about losing your friends and you've been extra-ghost-y whenever someone comes by to view the place in an attempt to make yourself feel a little better. Can you really be blamed for that? You just want a decent damn roommate for your life after death, and if that means putting the potentials through a little bit of a test, then so be it. You only feel a little bit bad for the landlord.

The creak of the front door pulls you from your thoughts, and the echo of a voice makes you narrow your eyes. Your first instinct is to slam some windows to scare off whoever's in your apartment, but you repress the urge. You'd die of boredom if you could die again, and whoever this is could provide a few hours' entertainment at the least.

You pop your head through the bathroom wall to see what's going on, and wow , who let an actual giant into your apartment? Fucking with the pipes could definitely wait for this guy.

"I know it's last minute, yeah," He says into the phone that's held carefully between his cheek and shoulder. His arms are loaded down with boxes and he's angled away from you just enough that you can't see his face, but he's tall and broad and wearing what looks like the world's comfiest sweater, and you want to badly to wrap yourself up in him. "But you know Joon needs the help. Don't pretend you aren't constantly willing to put off your thesis, I know for a fact that you went out to look at stationery with Tae last week, and everyone knows that's the most boring thing on the planet."

He's quiet, listening to the soft crackle of a voice from the other end. You slide through the wall completely, hovering as close as you dare to try and hear what the other person is saying. Tall, Broad, and Comfy scoffs.

"He can stare at one sheet of paper for at least ten minutes, Yoongi. Do I need to remind you of the time he spent an entire fucking hour debating which set of holiday scrapbook to buy because, and I quote, 'this one has the really nice rose pattern on it that would look great with the invitations, but, oh, look at the pinstripes in this one!'" His voice morphs into what you guess is an approximation of whoever Tae is, and you laugh at the high-pitched, nasally tone.

Tall and Broad spins, eyes narrowing as he looks around the room, and fuck , he's literally gorgeous. You've never seen someone more attractive in your life or your death and it would probably knock the wind out of you if you actually had breath. Comfy McGorgeous turns back around and sets the stack of boxes in the corner, continuing his tirade about Tae and stationery while simultaneously trying to talk Yoongi into coming, you assume, to help Joon move. You don't know who any of these people are, but they're already proving to be the most entertaining bunch that's ever graced these walls.

The door to your apartment flies open, making both you and Boyfriend Material whip your head around.

"Christ, Jin, you couldn't hold the fucking door open for us?" Someone grunts. Beauty Von Softness - or, Jin, as you should probably refer to him - winces and strides over to do just that as two more guys stagger in with a couch suspended between them. The second they're in the door they drop it to the ground and flop onto it, panting and sweaty.

"Listen, I was busy trying to get our resident hermit out of his cave to help us carry some of this shit," Jin spits back. "And you all know what it's like getting him out and about."

"Did you tell him that there's pizza after we're done? Because I've found that food is the best motivator for him," the guy closest to the door says. His hair is soft-looking and long and you wish you could pet it.

The other guy, the one who cursed Jin out and has the softest pink hair you've ever seen, laughs. "Jeongguk, you always think the best motivator is food."

"Well, yeah, because it is."

"For you, maybe. Other people require actual rewards."

"But food is a reward," Jeongguk mutters into the fabric of the couch. Jin tsks and smacks As Yet Unnamed on the back of the head.

"You're lucky I hung up on him when you bombarded your way into this place, or he'd definitely not come help us," Jin says as he leans against the back of the couch.

Unnamed starts to say something else but is cut off by someone running straight into the end of the couch. They all shoot to their feet, spouting apologies as the three of them maneuver the couch into the apartment properly.

"Sorry, sorry, Jimin distracted us from properly finishing our job," Jeongguk says quickly. He looks to the stranger with a small apologetic smile, and you're pretty sure if it were humanly possible, there would be actual literal stars in his eyes.

"Oh, it's okay, Jeonggukkie. I should've been looking where I was going." New Challenger walks straight towards where you stand, and you realize seconds before it's too late that he is not aware there is a massive stack of boxes in his path. Instinctively, you shove them to the side with your foot. Tall And Oblivious sets his boxes down without any trouble, none the wiser about any of it, and the three near the couch are too busy bickering in hushed whispers to have noticed you doing anything.

The newcomer straightens and turns to look at them all with a bright smile, and you think you might actually see The Light in the way his cheeks dimple. If you thought the other three were beautiful - which they are, no doubt about that, you're seriously wondering why the hell a bunch of supermodels are moving stuff into your apartment - then this guy is easily an Actual Fucking God or something. His brown hair is soft and shiny, his smile is warmer than the sun, and you're fairly positive that for the first time since you died, you feel goosebumps along your arms.

"Seriously, Namjoon, we should've realized you'd be up soon. You stay, start unpacking while we go get the rest of the furniture." Jimin shoves Jeongguk out the door while he's speaking, ignoring the taller's complaints, and Jin just shakes his head at the sight.

"Yoongi'll be here soon, he's finishing up another draft of his thesis. Hobi and Tae are stopping to get the pizzas and then they'll be here, too." Jin's voice is calmer than it was Jimin and Jeongguk, more soothing, and it makes you curious. Not only because of the tone change, but because you know Hobi, he owns the building and is the one who rented you the apartment when you first moved in. One of your favorite things to do is scare him when he comes by to make sure everything’s ready for a viewing.

"What? No, I said I was gonna pay for pizzas!" Namjoon looks distinctly more upset about this than someone should over not having to pay for pizza, at least in your mind, and it only makes you more curious.

"Yeah, but you also just moved out of your old apartment because it was too expensive, and had like an hour to load everything into a truck, so you're gonna let their trust fund asses pay for pizzas. We're seven adult men, and Guk could eat an entire horse and still be hungry. I'm not letting you pay for that."

Silence hangs in the apartment for a while before Namjoon gives a soft thanks to Jin. They share a smile before Jin makes his way back out. You follow each step, shadowing him all the way to the door before you're stopped. You lean your entire body forward, struggling against the invisible barrier keeping you inside, and the force of it nearly slams you back into the wall when you sag in defeat.

You aren't sure why you try anymore, but you know yourself well enough to admit that you're not going to stop until you can at least make it to the hallway.

Whatever you expected Namjoon to be like as a roommate, however unknowing he is about the situation, you don't think you could've guessed what he's actually like.

Out of the seven boys you saw the day he moved in, he's the only one living there. Not a complete surprise, considering it's a studio apartment, but you remember when there were nine people living there at one point, and there was barely room for anyone to breathe even if it had been pretty consistently amusing. Still, for one person, he's got a ton of stuff, and it's a shock it all fits. His bed is massive and comfortable and the best place to lay during the day because it's shoved between the brick half-wall and the large windows that take up one wall. The area's supposed to be for a dining table, you think, but you'd had your bed there, too, and the familiarity is nice.

His couch is small and old but manages to fit five of them, and it's a pleasantly jarring difference from the coffee table that looks like - and might actually be - an old steamer trunk. The exposed brick wall you love holds his mounted TV, a feat that took Jeongguk and Yoongi a solid hour and a half because they kept stripping the screws, and it's got one of those 8-cubicle bookshelf things under it that stores a frankly obnoxious amount of books.

He's got mugs for days, an adorable if odd collection of figurines and mini-statues scattered around the apartment, a strange obsession with some reclaimed wood shelf he's got hanging above his bed, but the absolute highlight of it all is The Wall.

It took them three hours to get it installed and set up the way he wanted, between the placements and the thick wooden shelf they’re perched on with supports and a small safety bar along the edge to keep them from falling off, but along the entire windowed wall and partway after it turns the corner runs a long shelf absolutely covered in plants. There are some elsewhere, like the one he keeps hanging from the bathroom ceiling and the couple in the kitchen, but most are on The Wall. Each one is in its own special pot, each a unique color with a name painted carefully along it, and most of them look half-dead. They're all distinct and unique from each other and they all surely have different needs and ideal conditions, but you'd never guess because Namjoon is so wholly committed to them all. He takes time every day to water them and prune them if he needs to, he checks on them constantly. He even reinforced the safety bar for the ones that sit beside his bed, so there was less chance he'd accidentally knock them around while sleeping.

It's fascinating, watching him tend to them. He's so careful and gentle, with absolute precision in every moment. He cares for his plants the way some people would care for a pet or a child. He doesn’t believe any of them are past caring for, slowly nurses all of them back to health and frequently turns up with more he’s saved from some department store. The most endearing thing, though, you decide as you sit curled among the haphazard blankets of his bed and watch, is the talking. It's every day, for as long as it takes him to care for the plants, and it's the cutest thing in the world. He's talking to some succulent as you just stare at him, filling the comfortable silence of the apartment with his soft, soothing voice, and you wish he could hear you when you talk back to him.

"I know they mean well, but at some point, I've just gotta live my own life, y'know? I can't study something just because everyone expects me to, and I can't pursue some dream just because people think I'd be good at it. I've gotta do what's right for me, don't I?" His tone is positive and bright, a contrast to the gloomy sky that casts shadows across the apartment.

You float over, hovering beside him to look at the plant he's lovingly stroking with his thumb. It's in a pretty periwinkle pot, with the name 'Mang' painted in careful but shaky black handwriting. It's not your favorite - that's the one in the bathroom that hangs over its light blue bowl, a quickly scrawled 'Koya' on the bottom - but it seems to be one of Namjoon's personal favorites based on how often he talks to it specifically.

"I think it's nice you do things for yourself," You tell him. He doesn't react, unable to hear you, but it's nice to hear your own voice after so long. You slide one of the plants - Chim, in a small yellow bowl - to the side and away from his elbow, and he doesn't notice. "You know yourself better than they do. You should trust yourself."

He keeps mumbling to Mang, something about everyone following their own dreams and doing what they need over what people want or expect, when you lay your hand over his.

Thunder cracks through the sky and the first raindrops hits the window as your non-existent skin hits his, and it's the most real thing you've felt in a long time. It's as if the scent of ozone and electricity is in the apartment itself, crackling in your hair and filling your nose with the overpowering scent of the sweet summer rain. You can almost feel the water hit your skin, the way the wind whips at your hair, and it's so intoxicating that you almost miss the sharp inhale from the man beside you.

He's not looking at his plant when you look up, but instead at the window in front of the two of you. You glance at it, and for a fraction of a second, you can see yourself in the reflection. The glimpse has you jerking towards it before you can stop yourself, desperate to know if something has changed. You haven't seen your reflection since you died, not in the mirror or the window or the toaster, and maybe, just maybe, it means something's changed.

Your hand stops against the glass of the window as you reach forward. You can't feel the cool of it under your palm, but it's no less a barrier for you as it would be for Namjoon. Something in you breaks as you watch the raindrops race each other to the ground.

"Ah, I forgot the forecast called for rain today," he mutters, eyes focused on the lightning that streaks by. He doesn't react when your fist slams against the glass, nor when you let out the scream that's been building in you for however long it's been since you died. You're so close, not even a hair's breadth from feeling something new yet familiar for the first time in so long, and you can't. You're still stuck in these four walls, unable to even reach the air outside.

You just want to feel the rain again.

You move dejectedly away from the window, ignoring the way Namjoon shivers as you pass. The temperature in the apartment has dropped considerably, you think, between the storm and your own mood. You can't tell, really. You haven't felt warm or cold or hungry or anything since you died that isn't the oppressive loneliness of life after death.

A dry sob tears itself from your throat and you hurry to hide in the bathroom as Namjoon turns to look around him. He mumbles something you can't hear and after a few minutes, he returns to tending to his plants, leaving you to your tear-less cries in peace.

It becomes quickly apparent to you that Namjoon should really have a roommate, if only to save him from himself. It takes a few weeks for you to realize this, but luckily he seems to narrate his life as he goes through it - which is overwhelmingly adorable to you, and you refuse to acknowledge that - and that means that you hear it every time he goes, "Ah, Namjoon, be more careful next time," or "Oh, shoot, that's not, fuck, I gotta buy more eggs now." It's painful to watch, even for you, and at some point, you just couldn't take it anymore. No one else is around to help, but someone needs to you, and clearly the universe means for you to be that someone.

It's a full-time job, protecting him from himself. You've saved countless mugs, pushing them farther away from the edges of counters and tables, and been just in time to shove bowls or vases an inch over so that his elbows glide harmlessly past them. It's almost exhausting, if you could get tired you would, but it's worth it, you think, as you catch the bookshelf under the TV as it tilts. You slide it gently to the floor, glad that Namjoon is distracted by how close he came to losing a toe to notice.

Because that's the other thing about this tree of a man: he's the most oblivious person you've ever fucking seen. It doesn't matter what it is you do, whether it's bouncing his spray bottle of water so it doesn't break on the hard floor or shake the counters so that the knife he's about to drop on his fucking hand falls the other way, he doesn't see a single fucking thing. You'd think he was blind if he wasn't so attentive to the way his plants grow. He notices nothing and you're glad for it because you really aren't sure what he would do if he knew you were going around haunting him just to keep him alive. You just want to help, want to keep the soft smile he wears more often around for as long as possible.

You don't dare to look into why you want that, too afraid of what you might find there.

It's also just fun to watch him and his friends, relaxed and unreserved. You never had many friends when you were alive, just a small handful that you really truly loved and whom you miss every day. Watching these seven boys fills you with nostalgia and a strange sense of joy because they really are some of the funniest people you've ever been around.

Like now, with four of them sprawled on the couch while Jeongguk and Hoseok make themselves comfortable leaning against the bookshelf under the TV - which has been bolted to the wall since it almost broke Namjoon's foot - and Namjoon watches them all from his bed since it's the only other place to sit. There are beer bottles scattered around and decorating the half-wall that separates the bed from the room proper, everyone is varying levels of drunk, and you're curled up close to Namjoon, leaning against the wall so you can stop him from knocking over any of the bottles nearby because you know him too well at this point.

"I'm just saying, I don't understand why they made him so over-powered in the new movies, because he's supposed to be some kid from Brooklyn! Giving him the high-tech suit essentially strips him of the friendly neighborhood persona that he's always relied on!" Jeongguk has been ranting for a while about the newest release in the Spiderman franchise - apparently, he's part of the actual Avengers now, which is a shock to you since the last thing you heard before you died was that the franchise was canceled until further notice or something.

"And I'm saying that if they didn't give him the suit then it would've made no sense how he was able to do those things," Yoongi responds. You're pretty sure he's just arguing to be contrary at this point, because you remember him telling Namjoon the other day that he prefers DC over Marvel.

"Garfield's Spiderman could do those things," you mutter, "And he didn't have a fancy suit."

"Okay, then how do you explain Andrew Garfield's version being able to do that stuff? He doesn't need the suit, he never has!" You preen at the way Jeongguk echoes your thoughts. "I'm telling you, I don't care how good the relationship with Holland's Spidey and Iron Man is, by giving him the tech and the advancements they did, they've undermined everything that Spiderman is supposed to be about."

"Jeongguk come off it, everyone knows Garfield's Spidey was just all bad writing. I mean, what kind of person can do all that stuff, realistically? He's the one that really needed the Stark suit." Taehyung's voice is slurred and quiet, definitely as drunk as the rest of them. 

"What-! No! I could do half of that without being bitten by a weird science spider!" Jin scoffs at Jeongguk's words. 

"Yeah, sure, Guk. The same way you can do that bottlecap challenge."

"Bottle cap challenge, and yeah, I could!" The youngest stands and you don't bother to hide your grimace. 

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" You ask. No one acknowledges you, too busy finding something Jeongguk can kick the cap off of as the boy readies himself. He's steady on his feet but his face is red and he can't seem to stop giggling. 

"If I do this, you gotta call me SpiderGuk from now on, okay?" He says. No one agrees, but it doesn't stop him from laughing again and doing a couple of roundhouse kicks to warm up. 

"Okay, okay, Joonie doesn't have any regular water bottles, but we found a screw-top beer in the fridge so ya gotta use that," Jimin says as he stumbles over with said bottle. Jeongguk just nods, an adorable focused expression on his face. Jimin holds the bottle in the air, and you can already tell his grip isn't tight enough to keep the bottle still when Jeongguk kicks it. 

The next ten seconds happen in slow-motion. Jeongguk's leg flies out to kick but his drunken body isn't able to handle the sudden shift in balance, and he slips. His foot hits the bottle slightly too low, and it goes flying out of Jimin's weak grip into the air. Everyone in the room watches as it hurtles straight towards Namjoon's face, and you react out of habit and instinct, catching it in one hand before you even realize you've moved. 

Everyone freezes, staring at where the bottle hovers in front of Namjoon's face. You're the only one able to see your fingers wrapped around it. A shock jolts through you at the realization of what you've done and you drop the bottle as if it burned you. Fuck, they were all going to freak, then Namjoon would move out and you'd be stuck alone once more. You should've just shoved him out of the way, what were you thinking, you're so fucking stupid-

"Dude," Hoseok mutters from where he's perched on the arm of the couch. "Holy shit, Joon, you're fucking telepathic." 

Yoongi rolls his eyes and smacks his chest. "Telekinetic, you fucking-"

"Holy shit, you've got fucking superpowers!" Jeongguk squeaks. "Do it again!"

Namjoon isn't even able to get a word out before there's a book flying at his face, and you panic. You can't catch it, too rushed, but you manage to deflect it so it hits the bed with a soft thump instead of braining Namjoon straight in the nose. 

"Woah, you really do have superpowers," Jimin whispers. He lobs a bottlecap at Namjoon, and you catch it in your palm before letting it drop onto the half-wall. 

"I don't have...what the fuck you guys," Namjoon insists. His eyes are as wide as saucers behind the thick glasses he has on. He looks freaked out and you want nothing more than to hug him. Your hand reaches out of its own accord, halfway closing the distance to stroke his hair before you catch yourself. 

"Hey, levitate your plants," Jin demands. Namjoon looks panicked as he glances at the wall of plants, and you heave a sigh. With any luck, they're so drunk that they'll remember this as a strange fever dream, but you can't just let them keep throwing things at him. You crawl over to the wall, avoiding Namjoon as you do, and grasp one of the plants tight. It's a white pot with red polka dots, a simple RJ on the side, and it's fucking heavy. You only get it a few inches off the shelf before you're forced to put it down.

"Oh my god, catch this!" Taehyung throws a coffee mug straight at Namjoon's head and you panic again. You catch it, and you've decided you're fucking sick of them throwing things at him, so you lob it back and dart across the room to bounce it safely to the counter before it can break. 

Everyone in the room stares at the mug and then looks back at Namjoon, who hasn't moved from his spot on the bed. 

"Oh my god, you're a superhero," Jeongguk whispers, awe in his eyes. 

"That's fucked up," Yoongi mutters, wincing when Hoseok elbows him. 

"Maybe we should get some sleep," Namjoon says quietly. The others look like they want to disagree with him, and you have no doubt they want to explore the newfound 'abilities' of their friend, but they still start gathering trash together before they head out. 

Namjoon lays awake for a long time that night, glasses folded and sitting atop the half-wall beside you. He's oblivious to the way you watch him, too lost in thought to feel the weight of your stare or the chill in the air. 

"I don't understand," He says after a while. "I really don't, but there's got to be a reason for it." He doesn't elaborate, merely turns over and evens his breathing out until he starts snoring, but you watch him for most of the night. He's fascinating, this human, and you wonder what makes him so different from the others you've met. 

He apparently decides to experiment. You've known Namjoon is intelligent since he first moved in and you saw his collectible encyclopedias, but you hadn't realized just what it would be like in actuality. 

It starts simple. He'll toss something in the air and let it clatter to the ground. Nothing big, just little things like pencils or bottlecaps, and not far, just enough that his eyes narrow as he apparently tries to use his telekinetic abilities to manipulate them. 

It slowly graduates from there. Next comes the way he stares at something across the room, hyper-focused on whatever it is until you notice and move it around for him. It's a guessing game, sometimes, trying to figure out just what he wants to move or how he wants to move it, but each time you're successful, he smiles so brightly, dimples on full display. Who wouldn't want to make him smile like that?

It's hit or miss, sometimes. You're only so strong, and while you've had a lot of practice, you still get tired. You lifted his bookshelf almost a full inch before blacking out. Next thing you knew, a couple of days had passed and Namjoon was staring at a coffee mug. That was a significantly less fun day; between losing time and having to catch coffee mug after coffee mug, you were exhausted and a little shaken. 

So when he stops staring at things for extended periods of time, when he starts to go back to reading and scrolling the internet and bingeing all the completed shows that Netflix and Amazon had to offer, you're grateful for it. He still occasionally tests it out; he's always subtle about it, choosing to stare quietly until you notice and make whatever it is float around for a minute. Once you wandered around looking for him - a feat in a studio apartment - and found him just sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at a shampoo bottle.

You'd like to say that you don't move things entirely because he wants you to. It's a good test of your abilities and how far you can push yourself until it becomes too much, and it's always nice to have actual evidence that you still exist - in some form, at least - in the world. The validation that comes from seeing him smile every time you lift a pencil or slide a coffee mug to the side, it's not for any reason but the satisfaction of knowing that you have some kind of existence. Some kind of impact on the world, even if you can't be seen and can't leave the apartment.

It's part of why you start moving things around yourself more often; you're hoping he just blames it on his overactive 'abilities' if he notices because you really aren't sure what he would think otherwise. But you also know for a fact that just seeing that you have some kind of sway over the world still - over the things inside this tiny apartment - makes you feel just that bit better about being dead.

Which is why it's such a fucking shock when the door to the apartment slams open one evening just for Namjoon to slam it closed again and announce into the air, "So I know you're haunting me, please don't try to deny it, I only want to talk to you."

You freeze where you are, halfway through the closet door from where you were reorganizing his clothes because they made no sense and you were bored. He's looking around the apartment, almost desperate in the way he's searching, and you can't bring yourself to move. It's obvious he can't see you, and you aren't even sure if he's being serious, but the way he huffs and clenches his jaw before moving into the kitchen tells you that he probably is.

You follow him, curious, and watch as he pulls a small package out of his bag and starts ripping it open. You float the remains of what looks like gift wrap over to the trashcan, because you know Namjoon will forget, before going back to watching him. He's only a little careful as he cracks something in his hands and then slaps it onto the fridge, and you peek around him to see that it's some kind of words or something. There’s a wide variety, with no clear theme to them, as well as at least one of each letter of the alphabet. It's then you remember the throwaway comment Yoongi made during that night - "You need, like, poetry stuff, like those magnets that go on the fridge that people write that deep shit with, y'know? I'm gonna buy you one," - and realize that he'd followed through on his vow. 

"Alright," Namjoon says, leaning against his kitchen counter and staring at the magnets. "First and foremost, am I really being haunted or is this some kind of hallucination?" His gaze never falters, doesn’t ever drift from the magnetic words now spread across his fridge doors. It takes several minutes to build up the energy and the courage to move closer to the fridge.

You don't look at him as you move the words around, but you can hear the sharp intake of breath. That's likely all the confirmation that he needs, but still you clear a spot and let the words ' I am here ' sit where he can see them clearly. You wrinkle your nose, disliking how formal it sounds, but you have to make do, you suppose.

"Okay," Namjoon breathes. "Okay, prove it. My brain could work this into a hallucination. How do I know you're really a ghost?"

"Seriously?" You huff. "What the fuck am I supposed to do that wouldn't work into a hallucination, dude?"

He gets fidgety in the few minutes that you spend wondering how the fuck you're going to prove that you're a real actual ghost to someone who clearly doesn't believe in them. His foot taps at the floor and he scratches at his hand, which only makes you want to wrap your own hands around his until he stops, much like your best friend used to lay her legs across your lap to get you to stop shaking your knee.

The realization comes in a flash, and you're moving letters around before you can stop yourself.

Face book, Park Jihyo, best friend.

Namjoon stares at it for a long while before he brings his phone out of his pocket and begins to tap at the screen. You don't get too close; you've got a history with shorting out electronics, and you aren't sure you want to know what your best friend is up to without you there with her.

"Okay," Namjoon says. "Okay, I've never seen her before, so I don't think my brain could work her into a hallucination. Okay. Alright. I'm being haunted. This is fine."

"Calm down, I'm haunting the apartment, not you." He doesn't react to your words, as usual, but it still makes you feel the slightest bit better. He stares at his phone for a little longer, and the curiosity burns under your skin, but you resist. You know from experience that if you try to get too close, his phone will stop working. Just like TV, the stereo, the laptops, everything. You've had enough experience with that kind of thing to know what will happen.

"Okay, Casper," Namjoon huffs out after several minutes of waiting. He looks up and his eyes dart around the apartment, and you wonder if he's just nervous or if he's trying to spot you. "Where are you right now? Can you make yourself visible? I mean, I know you're a ghost, but it feels rude not talking to you to your face."

You huff a laugh but reach for a coffee cup. You know you can't just make yourself visible at will; you've only done it a couple of times, to your knowledge, and none of them have been on purpose. It's even more difficult to make yourself corporeal and physical, harder than just manipulating objects, but you did it once. Back when the single mom still lived here, when her toddler was falling and you had no way to cushion the fall except with your own body; you still aren't sure how it happened, but you remember being able to feel the floor against your back and the warmth of the baby on top of you for a split second before you were gone again. You won't forget that any time soon.

You float the mug towards where you stand, holding it in front of your face long enough that when you pull it away, Namjoon's eyes don't follow it. It's a strange feeling; you know he can't see you, can tell by the way his brow furrows and his eyes slide around the space, but it feels like he's looking straight at you. It feels like you're being seen for the first time since you died.

"So, where are you from, Casper?" His tone is forcibly conversational, as if he's trying his best to keep himself calm. You roll your eyes and move the magnets to show ' here ' and he nods. "You're not gonna try to possess me, or kill me, or run me off, are you? No offense or anything. I figure you would've already at this point, but...cover my bases."

No. Am nice. I think.

"You think? You don't know if you're a nice ghost?"

Does anyone truly know if they are nice? You frown, trying to figure out how to say what you want to say with the limited words available. I can only try. It's still not perfect; there's more that you want to say, more that you want to be heard, but this has to do for now.

"I can accept that. Alright. Just talking to a ghost in my kitchen. Okay. This is totally normal." He rubs a hand over his face, and you're a little impressed. Everyone else that's lived here has freaked when presented with the knowledge that you're a ghost. Namjoon looks very much like his world is exploding, but he doesn't have the same fear and apprehension in his eyes. He's certainly coping better than the single mom.

"Are you the only ghost? Here, I mean, are you the only ghost here?" He breathes a sigh of relief at your 'yes.’ "Can you see other ghosts? Do you know any other ghosts?" The 'don't know, no' that you move around on your fridge seems to unsettle him a little, but there's a curiosity burning behind it that makes your skin tingle.

Can't leave, is what you say next, cutting off whatever question he was about to ask.

"You can't leave at all? The building, or the apartment?"

The second.

"Wow. You're really stuck here?" He looks around the apartment as if seeing it for the first time and sucks in a breath. "What do you do all day?"

Watch. He cocks a brow. You are... You hesitate. The word you need isn't there, everything that comes to you is too poetic or corny for you to actually say, but the weight of his eyes is heavy on your hands. Fun is what you settle on, but it's not right either. 'Interesting' isn't there, nor is 'fascinating' or 'lovely,' and you don't want to scare him off by telling him that part of the reason you watch him so much is that he's so full of life that you feel less dead when he's around.

He laughs at your words though and shakes his head ever so slightly. "Alright, well, I'm gonna shower, so just, don't...watch that?" You squawk at the insinuation that you would, quickly rearranging the letters to spell ' privacy' and making a large angry face out of the rest of the words. He's already turned away, though, and it makes you angrier.

You don't want him thinking that you would peep at him. You already make sure that you're facing the windows when he finishes showering, you've been determined to not be creepy since the day he moved in, and to have him think otherwise is like a slap in the face. You slam the mug against the counter and he startles, turning to gape at it. You carry it to where your words and make-do emoji sit waiting for him to notice them.

"Okay," He says quickly. "Okay, privacy, yeah, got it. You respect my privacy. Appreciated."

"How fucking rude," You mutter as you set the mug back down. You don't adjust the magnets as he disappears into the bathroom. You want him to see them, want him to be reminded of the fact that being dead doesn't mean you don't have basic decency.

You can't get him to shut up now that he knows you're there. He still forgets sometimes, mostly when he's talking to his plants or narrating the way he carefully constructs some origami creation, but more often than not, he's talking to thin air. He spends a lot of time perched on his counter, watching you move magnets around his fridge through the thick lenses of his glasses before he spouts off some other question for you to answer. 

He covers the basics first: how old you were when you died, when your birthday is, your favorite color, what you were studying in school, and of course your name, though he insists on calling you Casper. You aren't sure why but you also don't get a chance to question it, because he hits you with more and more questions every day. Sometimes you don't answer because you can't, too limited by the poetry magnets to be able to really converse; sometimes you just don't have the energy to move the magnets around, but those are days are rare. The only times you use the tired magnet are when you find your limbs too heavy to move, weighed down with the memories of what it meant to be alive. 

Those are the bad days, but his questions make them just a little easier.

"How do you move around? Do you just float everywhere?" Walking, but different. No weight. Soft.

"How are you able to manipulate things in my world? Are they different from things in your world?" Focus. Takes time. Same.

"Do you sleep at all? Do ghosts dream?" No sleep. Just existing.

"You don't eat, do you? Should I be stocking up on snacks for you?" No. Save your sustenance. "What was the last thing you ate?" Don't remember. "Huh. I hope it was something good." Same.

"Were you ever in a relationship?" Once. A long time before. "Do you miss them?" Not anymore.

"What did you do while you were alive?" School. "Oh, really? Do you remember what you studied?" Boring. Important then, but it made me forget to live. Not important now. Namjoon goes quiet for a long moment after this one, staring out the window at something you can't see. He nods but doesn't ask any more questions, and he reads for the rest of the night.

It only takes a couple of weeks for both you and Namjoon to get tired of standing in his kitchen fucking around on the fridge. His legs get tired and he gets distracted by his thoughts, and you can barely keep up with the rapid-fire questions you get.

So Namjoon buys one of those cheap cookie sheets with the slightest lip at the edge and dumps the magnets on that. He leaves it on the coffee table, usually, there for you to pick up if he asks something but out of the way for when he stretches out to nap lazily in the afternoon sun.

You like the cookie sheet more than the fridge. He watches you as you work out your responses, can see the way you start to move one word before moving another instead; it makes it feel more like a conversation.

It becomes a favorite pass-time of Namjoon's, curling on the couch and putting some sort of music on in the background and just talking to you. A lot of nights his questions stop with a lingering silence from one or both of you; yours because you don't have the ability to share the words running rampant through your mind, and his for reasons still unknown to you. Still, you've missed it. You've missed talking to someone, being heard when you speak, having someone ask how you are at the end of the day.

It's the little things.

"You said you can't leave, right, Casper?" Namjoon's curled up on his couch, tucked into the arm with a blanket thrown over his lap, a mug of something warm in his hands to combat the chill of the season, and some R&B track playing lightly from his phone. You knock your fist against the cookie once - a sign for yes that you'd both agreed on. "So, are you just always here then? You don't go anywhere else?"

"Fuck, how do I explain this?" You mutter. You stare at the magnets in front of you for a long time before rearranging them. Not always. Tired sometimes, disappear.

"Disappear?" He reads. "What do you mean? You just, what, stop existing?"

Don't know, you respond. Only happens when tired. When used too much of me. He hums an acknowledgment, eyes focused on where the cookie sheet sits on the couch between you. You? What entertains you?

"Everything," he answers without hesitation. "I'm trying to work through my stack of books I want to read and finish all the shows I'm interested in, but the guys would have my head if I didn't get out and do things like a normal person."

That's where you leave to?

"Yeah." He sets his mug - now empty - on the coffee table and settles into the blankets. He looks cozy and soft and you would wrap yourself up with him if you could. "I take a lot of walks, and bike rides. I like to see the river, the trees, all the animals that live there. The beach is always fun, I get to see all the crabs and whatnot that wander in and out of the ocean."

"I wish I could go with you," you whisper.

Fun is what you spell on your sheet.

"I guess," he mutters. "It's enjoyable, at least. I'll bring you some souvenirs, or pictures next time."

You let the sheet settle on the couch as he turns the TV on, setting up a drama that he's on recently. He doesn't say anything else for a few hours, waits until the sound of rain hits the windows and stifles the apartment in an otherworldly haze.

"How long have you been dead?" His voice lingers in the air. You've been expecting these questions, and you're honestly impressed he's held them back for as long as he has. That angsty teen hadn't hesitated a single second to start asking you questions.

A while. Years. I think .

"Do you ever get tired of being a ghost?" There's something in his voice that you can't place, something that tells you this is more than just his usual morbid curiosity. Every part of your soul - whatever's left of it, anyway - is screaming at you to lie to him, to tell him that no, being a ghost is great. You've never wished he could hear you more than this moment, when all you want to is wrap your arms around him and ask him why he looks so much older than he is.

Sometimes, you tell him. It is lonely here, and boring. Fun to be unseen, but unable to do much more.

He nods like that makes all the sense in the world to him, and he brings the blanket up around his shoulders. "Do you ever miss your friends, or your family?"

Would you not? He huffs out an unamused chuckle, nodding again.

"Yeah," He says softly. "Yeah, I would. Do you want me to help you check on them? See what they're up to?" The single knock that echoes in the room is deafening to you, filled with a hope that you haven't felt in years. You've never let yourself think about them for long; if you did, you don't think you'd be able to come back from whatever that place is that you disappear to when things become Too Much.

Namjoon pulls his phone closer and starts fiddling with it. He doesn't hesitate when he types in your name, and you feel an emotional blush fill you when you see that he doesn't even have to finish typing for your profile to pop up. You glance at him, the way his brows are furrowed behind his glasses and his tongue pokes into his cheek just a little while he concentrates, and you wonder how many times he's looked at the pictures of you when you were alive. How many times has he scrolled through, reading the words people shared after you were gone, scrolling through the grief and loss to get to the words you posted yourself, the little snippets of your daily life that you would give anything to be able to relive?

"Do I still look like that?" You wonder aloud. As expected, he doesn't react, just continues tapping at his phone.

You two spend the rest of the night like that, each curled at opposite ends of the couch while Namjoon slowly looks up your friends and family and updates you on each of them. Jihyo got married, to someone she'd gone on a date with a few weeks before you passed, and she's apparently trying to start having kids; Your mother and father aren't very active, but they never were. They both share pictures of you when you were a baby each year on your birthday, and more recent photos of you on the anniversary. They have a dog now. It's cute. You wonder if it helps them cope with the loss.

Your other friends are doing well, too; most of them are still figuring out their lives, but it seems like all of them are settling in their skin and finding comfort in who they are. They're out there, navigating the world and doing things they enjoy, meeting new friends and making new memories.

You stand by the window for a long time, cookie sheet of magnetized words pressed against your chest as if you can feel the cool of the metal against your skin, and watch rain drip down the panes as you imagine what your life could have been.

You can always hear Namjoon before you see him. He whistles as he walks down the sidewalk, his small way of letting you know he's on his way back from wherever he's gone that day, and today isn't an exception. Relief sags through you and you move away from the windows, let your fingers trail against the ceramic of the newest succulent he'd bought, and head towards the kitchen. The kettle is turned on and heating a few moments later while you pull a mug down from your cabinet and set it carefully on the counter where Namjoon will see it.

It's a regular routine, for the two of you. He heads out, usually in the early morning after turning on some music or a show for you, and when he comes back, you make sure there's hot water for his tea or cocoa or whatever he feels like drinking that day. The sound of his whistling gets louder the closer he gets, a simple way to let you know he's safe and he's home. You glance through the cabinets and quickly make a note on the fridge that he needs to buy more of his special tea blend soon.

The lock turns and you smile, waiting patiently as Namjoon saunters into the apartment. He sets something down on the kitchen counter just as the kettle starts to scream, and you wait while he pours the water and gets it ready.

"The cherry blossoms bloomed," He says. You grin. "They look great. I got some really nice pictures while I was there, I'll show you tonight. I was thinking we could try to finish Voltron tonight if you want. We'll have to go back an episode though, I think I fell asleep during the last one." You knock once against the counter beside you, and he turns with a wide grin to glance at the spot where you stand.

It's ridiculous for your heart to speed up in your chest, for the hair on the back of your neck to rise, for breath to catch in your throat; you don't have a heartbeat, you don't have breath, you're a shadow of the person you used to be, and yet...

And yet, seeing his dimpled smile focused so naturally on where you are, as if it's just second-nature, is like a breath of fresh air after years underwater. It smells like flowers, like dirt and earth and a new beginning. It feels like you're alive again, and you don't want it to end, but too soon he's turning away to finish steeping the tea. Something lingers in the air for a moment after but it's gone too soon for you to place it.

You both settle on the couch, Namjoon tucking whatever he brought home with him under his arm, between his body and the arm of his ratty old couch. Your cookie sheet is in its place on the coffee table, unneeded at the moment. You can't help the glare that you give it; the things you would give to be able to just speak and be heard are endless.

It rattles a little and you look away.

Namjoon is quiet as the show plays. He doesn't react when you move to turn the oven on, but he does laugh quietly and thank you for it when he goes to put his dinner in. He eats and you don't bother him, though the way he keeps his little package hidden away makes curiosity burn through you. Eventually, once he's eaten and washed his dishes and laughed at the way you rubbed them dry before setting them carefully in their places, he settles back into his blankets and turns on the music he loves so much.

He's got a book balanced in his hands and your cookie sheet rests on the coffee table, and you both just sit like that for a long while, enjoying existing.

"You remember your life, right Casper?" You thump lazily against the wall in response, eyes drawn from where you watch the gloomy sky slowly get lighter with the dawn. He isn't looking at his book anymore; he probably hasn't been for a while, based on the way the pages have migrated around his thumb, too busy staring at the wall across from him. "Do you remember your death?"

You hesitate. You've tiptoed around the subject before. He's always been too afraid to ask directly, and it's too painful for you to offer it freely. You thump against the wall once more, and he nods like he already knew the answer.

"Are they very different?" His glasses are falling down his nose and your fingers itch to push them up. Instead, you reach for your cookie sheet. He makes a sound in the back of his throat when he sees it moving, reaching under him for his package. "I forgot, I got you this. Thought it might be easier."

He sets it down and you slide the contents out of the wrapping easily. Inside is a small dry-erase board, complete with markers and eraser, small things that should be easy for you to manipulate. You beam at him; he can't see it, but you think he might be able to feel it because he perks up and smiles a little.

"You don't have to answer," He adds. "I was just curious to know if being dead is really as different as everyone makes it out to be." You nod and thump once against the board before you uncap a marker and start writing.

It's a bizarre feeling, after so long. The muscles in your hand don't ache, no matter how much you write, and you can't feel the smooth surface of the board under your fingers or the weight of the marker in your palm, but it glides against it cleanly and leaves a thick black streak behind.

It takes you a minute to write everything out, get it worded how you want. Namjoon doesn't interrupt you, just watches the marker move against the board and smiles every time you go to erase something that isn't right. Eventually you show it to him.

There are similarities. I'm still me, I still enjoy TV and music and books. Things are duller now, like there's a filter over them, and it's harder to do things. Like when you're in water, or mud, like that. Resistance.

"Oh," Namjoon replies, "That's not what I expected. It makes sense though I guess." His hand moves against his chest, rubbing lightly as he looks over your words again. "Is there anything you actually like about being a ghost?"

"Well, being invisible is pretty cool," You say, writing the words as you do. "And it's actually really fun being able to walk through walls and stuff, even if I can't go anywhere outside of the apartment."

"I'm sorry you're stuck here," Namjoon says. You startle a little, looking up at him. You think he actually heard you for a split second, but his eyes are locked on where you're writing your words out on the dry erase board.

"Yeah, me too," You tell him. He stares at the board for a long moment, chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he does. "Ask what you want to ask, Joon," You write as you say it.

"How did you die?" He blurts. You sigh and he jumps a little, looking fully at where you sit. You're shocked; you know that sometimes little noises cross over, like when Jin heard you laughing, but it's still rare. You can't figure out how it works, but you want to.

You write for a long time, letters small so they fit on the board. The whole thing is crowded together, looks like one long string of letters instead of the story it is.

There's a lot of violence in this neighborhood. You probably know that by now. People are always getting robbed or mugged or something around here. Someone tried to break into my apartment by banging the door down. It didn't work, luckily, but I got really paranoid afterwards. One night I was cooking, and someone's door slammed really hard. I spilled the water I was boiling, slipped. Blacked out after a while, and when I came to, there were police everywhere. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought, because they carted me away, and I couldn’t follow.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon says softly. "You deserved more time."

Yeah. The universe had a different plan, I guess. He smiles at that, and it settles the anxiety thrumming under your skin. Wouldn't have met you, so I guess that's a bonus. He rolls his eyes at you but he laughs softly, so you consider it a win. You doodle on the board then, simple little designs that don't mean anything beyond being able to see your effect on the world.

Namjoon sucks in a breath beside you and you look up at him. He's always been good about looking towards where you are, doing his best to make eye contact with someone he can't see, but he still always tends to look through you.

Not this time.

This time, electricity sings through the air as your eyes meet his. You don't know how, but you know he can see you. His eyes roam over you, taking in the crumpled sweater you were wearing with the stain you like to think is pasta sauce on the arm, the hair you can't ever really tame, the way you sit cross-legged on his old thread-bare couch with a dry erase board in your hands.

Neither of you moves. He looks torn between fear and amazement, every emotion in between flitting quickly over his features, and you're terrified that if you move, whatever spell that's been cast will fade. It had been so long since you talked to anyone when Namjoon slammed those magnets on the fridge, and the conversation has been a reprieve, but to be seen for the first time in years...

It's invigorating.

Watching Namjoon just look at you is something you won't ever forget, not for as long as you exist in the world. He looks at you like he's memorizing every detail, every hair and wrinkle and pore, and just knowing that he can see you fills you with something new.

"Namjoon...?" You call hesitantly. His eyes fall on your lips.

"Again," He says. Your brows must furrow, maybe you frown, you don't know because it's been so long since you've needed to pay attention to your facial expressions, but he notices your confusion. "Will you say something again?"

Breath you don't have catches in your throat, wraps itself around a heart that doesn't beat, but you smile a little. "I'm glad I met you."

Namjoon smiles. It's big and blinding and knocks everything out of you except for that emotion that's been sitting in your chest since the first time you watched him talk to his plants. You lean forward, and you can tell the exact moment you disappear, because his smile falls and his eyes unfocus. A whimper leaves your throat, but he doesn't react, and that may be the most painful thing that's ever happened to you.

"Can I feel you?" His voice is hushed but the words reverberate in your head. His eyes dart around, looking for any glimpse of you, and your hand trembles as you reach out.

Goosebumps raise on his cheek where your hand touches him and his breath stops for a moment, but he smiles again and leans into the chill. You bring your other hand up to cup his other cheek, your dry erase board lying forgotten on the ground, and Namjoon's eyes flutter closed.

"I think I might love you," You say quietly just before you press your lips to his. He doesn't react to your words, but he lets out a soft sigh at your kiss. Thunder cracks through the apartment, a torrent of rain unleashed on the windows, but you don't move.

The two of you sit like that for hours, until he starts shivering and his nose turns red, like it does when he forgets his scarf on the cold days, and his breath puffs in the air. When you finally pull away from him, he smiles, and the blush on his cheeks has nothing to do with the cold air that makes up your form.

"Yeah," He says softly, voice nearly drowned out by the storm raging outside. "Yeah, I can feel you."

If you expected things to change much after that, you were wrong. At least a little. Namjoon still disappears to go on his walks, you still start the kettle the second his whistles drift up to the apartment. He still asks you a million questions, but they're more normal now. Your favorite music, color, what you wished you'd done with your life, if you've been able to corporealize again recently, what you wanted to watch that night.

"Come on, Casper," Namjoon groans. "I promise you can do it." You huff and he smiles, clearly having heard it. You're tempted to just disappear somewhere, rattle some pipes in the bathroom or the kitchen so he thinks you're in there and leaves you alone, but he smiles at you again and you're weak for that dimple.

You grip the watering can again, doing your best to lift it and manipulate it the way you need to. It's heavy, and something about the metal makes your skin itch, but the more you struggle the more you're able to pour the slightest bit of water where RJ - a giant plant that you don't even know the name of - sits in the corner of the room across from Namjoon's bed. It's the twentieth-something time you've tried this today, and you're ten seconds from just giving up completely, but you can tell this is important to Namjoon.

He's been talking all week, between the late nights where you lay over his blanket-wrapped form and the mornings where he ducks out with a soft goodbye. He's told you everything about his plants that you think he possibly could, teaching you about them and showing you how to care for them. It's interesting, you won't lie, and it's always fun to see him light up when you recall something he's told you, but you're exhausted and every part of you is shaky, and you're more than a little worried of what might happen if you push too far again.

Still, Joon hasn't looked great lately, like he might be getting the flu, and you want to be able to help him with all the things he does in the house. You've already started doing the dishes and folding laundry, since those were the two things he was the absolute worst at, but you feel like you should be doing more.

"Good job, baby, I'm proud of you!" You grunt and let the watering can fall back to the ground with a loud thump that almost definitely has the downstairs neighbors cursing Namjoon's name. "See, and now we're done for the day! C'mon, we can put on Sens8 and cuddle."

He's on the couch before you can stop him, wrapping himself in blankets except for one lone hand that sticks out, expectant. You roll your eyes and sit beside him, close enough that if you had a body you would be cuddling instead of just sitting awkwardly beside him.

You know that this is just going to make your hand all pink and gross, right?

He just smiles when the board flips around to reveal itself and wiggles his fingers. "It's worth it," He says. "I'd rather be pink and gross than never get to hold your hand at all."

You can't even feel my hand, Joon, there's literally no point to this. He huffs and wraps his hand around the marker in your hand, shivering at the chill that runs through him when he does. He grins and gestures down to where the tips of his fingers are already turning red.

"Clearly I can feel it, Casper."

You're glad he can't see you, that you don't have a heart that beats or blood that runs, because if you did, your face would no doubt be red. You have no doubts that Namjoon would tease you about it.

He's quiet as you both watch the show; he makes the odd comment here or there, but his mood seems to have calmed some. When he first got back from whatever place he visited that day, he'd been anxious and jumpy and entirely too on edge.

"Hey, Casper?" He asks quietly. You slide a hand against his cheek to let him know you're there, and he leans into the chill again. "What do you think about me?"

You don't move for several seconds, hand still poised around his cheek.

"Like, your feelings. What are they? Will you tell me?" You knock once on the wall behind the couch. Your hand stays poised over your board for long enough that Namjoon starts to get a little restless. Words refuse to come to you. Every time you start to think you have a way to describe to him what he means to you, they disappear as quick as fog on a summer's afternoon. Frustrated, you let the board fall to the couch and scrawl a quick 'hold on' so he knows you aren't just ignoring him.

It's been weeks since you've seen what you're looking for, your cookie sheet with the word magnets having been basically forgotten in lieu of the more personal and convenient dry-erase board, but right now you know that if words won't come to you, you'll have to go to them.

You finally find it, shoved under several encyclopedias and magazines, and the noise you make is so triumphant that even Namjoon hears it. You curl back up beside him, careful to make sure the blanket is wrapped tight around him, and make sure he can see the words as you move them. It still takes a long time, constantly changing and rearranging and stacking to make sure it conveys the things you need it to convey.

You are like music. A symphony of summer days and peach skies with soft rain. You are a storm in the moonlight. I'm not lonely when I have you pouring around me. You make me feel alive again.

Namjoon is silent for a long time, and you wonder if you've gone too far. It's more poetic than you'd like, too frilly and fancy and emotional than you usually are, but they're the only words you have.

After too long, he exhales. It's heavy and deep and it feels like he's trying to expel more than just air from his body.

"You make me feel alive, too," is all he says, whispered into the softness of his blanket in a voice too small for his long limbs. He shivers, and you hear him choke down a cough, and then he disappears into the bathroom for a long time. When he comes back out, he doesn't say anything, just slides into the mass of blankets on his bed and lays his arm out across the mattress. You spread out across from him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he looks through you and out the window where the rain is letting up.

"Looks like the rainy season is gonna last longer than everyone thought." You slide your hands around one of his large ones and just hold them like that. His eyes sink closed and something like relief stands on his face for a moment before it's gone, swept away by the peace of sleep.

You wonder what it is that he sees when he looks out the window. If it's the plain brick wall and windows of the building next door, or something more.

You aren't sure you want to know.

Namjoon's flu only seems to get worse. He leaves early in the mornings, as if he thinks you might not notice the way he coughs into his scarf just because the sun hasn't risen fully yet. He stays gone most of the days, and even when he apologizes quietly during the twilight when he slinks back in to the sound of the kettle screeching on the stove and his tea already waiting to be steeped, he still doesn't stop.

You've taken to playing blues while he's gone, mostly the old school stuff, digging out the vintage record player he has buried in the closet and setting it up on the coffee table. It’s the only technology you can use without shorting it out. You don’t know why, but it makes you grateful the record collection Namjoon keeps tucked away inside the coffee table that you’ve learned is in fact an actual steamer trunk that he salvaged and restored himself.

The music fills the apartment, distracts you from the oppressive weight of his absence. He knows you wait at the window for him, you told him that back when the two of you were first getting to know each other.

You're so fragile, you had told him. He had laughed at you, quiet and fond, and waited for you to explain further. You're so full of life and breath and possibility, and the world is so big and so dangerous. I'm scared you won't come back.

"Of course I'm going to come back," he told you. You didn't even need to tell him that you're afraid of what being alone might do to you, now that you're so used to his presence. You're being heard again, sometimes even seen, and you don't know if you can go back to the stagnant depression of solitude. "I'll always come back to you."

That was the first time you thought you might love Namjoon. The feeling has only gotten stronger, and now that you wait at the window with your eyes focused on that tiny section of sidewalk you can see at the end of the alley, it threatens to consume you whole.

You wait at the window for hours. You know because you glance at the clock every minute and a half, mocking you with every tick as it hangs limply on the bathroom door. The sun sinks below the horizon, the moon rises to take its place, and they switch again while you wait. The dawn paints the sky in beautiful shades of pink and red and orange and the faintest purple, but you can't appreciate any of it, because you're too anxious.

He could be hurt. He could be gone, and you wouldn't ever know until his friends came to pack his things. He could have left, too; maybe he finally decided that living with a ghost was just too much for him and just ran. Maybe he figured out that you love him, that you would move heaven and earth if it meant he was safe forever if only you could leave this apartment, and it was too much for him.

What if he knows about how you lay beside him every night? How you tuck the blankets tighter around him, cover him in warmth and comfort before settling on top of them and closing your eyes and pretending that you can feel his arm draped over your waist and his breath on the back of your neck. What if he felt you, that night you wandered into the bathroom while he was showering to write on the steam-covered mirror that he needs to buy more eggs soon and got distracted by the way he looked stepping out of the shower? What if he knows your stomach flipped at the long limbs and the hidden muscles and the sheer size of him? What if he knows the real reason you were quiet that night, the way you kept replaying the moment in your mind and wishing you had a body so you could have just touched him, at least.

It's closer to noon than midnight when his whistle echoes up through the window.

"Hey, I'm home," He calls as he enters the empty apartment. You're upset, but you're more filled with relief than anything because at least he's safe and he's here now. He makes a beeline for where the kettle is just starting to whistle, already reaching for the honey and the tea you set out on the counter for him, and you do your best to calm the storm of emotions inside you.

Did you have fun, wherever you were? You ask him, floating the whiteboard in front of his face so he has to acknowledge it.

"Yeah, I did," he responds as he stirs his tea. "Jin invited everyone over for some end of summer thing. I didn't feel too great at the end of it, so I just spent the night there."

Don't party too hard, you might remember how to have fun, you joke. It falls a little flat based on the grim smile Namjoon gives you. Are they gonna come over here again anytime soon? I've missed scaring Hoseok.

He lets out a real laugh at that. "I don't know, maybe. My birthday's coming up, after Jeongguk's, so they could definitely be planning something. I'm heading over to Yoongi's later to help plan for Guk's party. I might stay there tonight, so try not to worry, Casper."

I'll try, you tell him. You both know you'll stand at the window every second he's gone, but you don't want to tell him why. You don't want to tell him that you love him through a dry erase board, or some fancy poetry magnets. It doesn't matter that you may as well have already said so by telling him that he makes you feel alive again; you haven't said the words to him, he hasn't seen 'I love you' in the messy scrawl that is your handwriting on some stupid board, and therefore he doesn't know.

You don't know if you want him to.

He stays gone that night, as he said he might, and reappears the next day to shower and change before he vanishes again. The next time he shows up, he takes a bag with him when he leaves, which only worsens your fears. He stays gone for three days this time, doesn't apologize when he turns up again and just mumbles a soft hello into the air before he makes tea and sags into his couch. He's asleep in seconds, and as much as you want to scream at him, you can't bring yourself to disrupt how peaceful he looks.

When he wakes, he takes a shower and ignores the ' can we talk ' you scrawled in the steam. He packs a bag of fresh clothes and doesn't say goodbye when he leaves, just disappears and leaves you standing at the window with the pail in your hand, caring for the plants he isn't. The slam of the door sounds like nails in a coffin and breaks what little was left of your soul.

He shows back up nearly a week later, and the relief at seeing him again is overridden by the sheer anger at being left in the first place. You don't start the kettle when you hear his whistle, the quiet and hoarse tune of a familiar song barely reaching the window, but there's plenty of noise when he enters.

The cabinet doors are quaking with your fury, the lights flicker and threaten to burst, and Namjoon just leans back against the door. He’s soaked from the storm thundering outside, even his jacket plastered to his skin, and he’s shivering slightly, but you can’t see anything past the rage.

"Where the fuck were you?" You demand; there's no point, it's not like he can hear you, but the way he sighs makes you feel like he can, so you continue anyway. "It's been almost a week, you didn't even think to stop by for ten seconds so I know you're okay? I thought you were dead somewhere, you could've been, like, shot, or something, I don't know, just bleeding out in some ditch, and I wouldn't know! And what about all the plants? I know how to take care of them, sure, but do you know how hard it is for me to do it?"

Namjoon sighs again, the breath catching in his throat and coming out in a cough, but you don't pay much attention to it.

"Why would you act like this, Namjoon? What did I do, is it because of the things I said? Do you not want me to feel like this about you? Because this a damn good way of making sure I don't, I assure you, so by all means, just keep disappearing and leave me alone with the plants you decided to rescue and save!"

His cough gets worse and he just shakes his head, covering his mouth and making his way towards the bathroom.

"If you want me to hate you, it's too fucking late, Joon!" The slam of the bathroom door punctuates your sentence, and you quiet at the sound of continued coughing. You knew his flu was getting worse, but it's never sounded like that. Even when you were alive, you knew that the wet sound that's muffled by the bathroom door isn't what a cough should sound like. The lock of the door clicks, and it shocks you into movement because he's never - never - locked you out of anywhere. He knows it wouldn't stop you, knows it as well as you know that you'd respect that boundary if he set it, and yet here he is, locking you out even as he coughs up what sounds like a lung in the other room.

You hesitate at the door, torn between respecting his boundaries and knowing what’s happening. You want him to trust you, always, and yet you find your hand disappearing through the door before you can stop it. You stand like that for a long moment, just listening to the sounds of his wracking coughs; the sound of a crash echoes through the apartment, though, and you’re through the door completely in the span of a heartbeat. 

Nearly everything that had been on the counter is scattered on the ground, Namjoon himself gripping the sides of the toilet as if he would fall apart otherwise. A single glance tells you that the crash happened as he turned from the sink to the toilet, and if his jolting shoulders didn’t tell you why, the sounds of his retching would. That isn’t what fills you with dread though; the disorientation, the vomiting, all of it comes with being sick sometimes, but the red staining the bathroom sink? 

That’s not normal, and you know with every part of you that it’s the reason he’s been gone so much. 

The temperature in the apartment drops with the sun, but your arms surround Namjoon as best they can. Goosebumps break out on his arms, shivers run down his back, but you don’t move away from him; he doesn’t say anything, just sits there with his forehead pressed against the cool of the porcelain. He stands eventually, ignores the way he passes completely through your body to rinse the sink and brush his teeth. 

You let him stay quiet until you’re both on his bed; you’re pressed up against his side and running your hands along his forearms, idly wondering if you would be able to feel his heartbeat if you were alive. 

“It’s not...it’s not gonna get better,” He says eventually. “There’s not a cure, just some things to draw it out and give me a little bit longer even if they come with more pain. I go once a week to see if it’s gotten worse, check how much longer I have. It’s why Hobi let me move in here rent-free. He pays the bills, says it’s the least he can do. I wanted to be closer to him anyway, so that’s a bonus, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Joon,” you whisper. Your board lies forgotten, somewhere on the couch maybe, you aren’t sure and can’t be bothered to pull yourself away from him long enough to find it. You don’t need it right now, though; he knows what you mean by the way the cold presses against his bicep with your palm. 

“I didn’t want you to know.” You’re not exactly surprised at that; you’d figured as much. You just don’t understand his reasoning. “I didn’t want you worrying about me, or anything like that, like the guys do. They always look at me and it’s all they can see. Like they’re already mourning me, even though I’m still here. I didn’t want to feel like that with you.” 

“I know,” you say. You don’t, not really. Your own death was sudden, a shock to everyone you knew; you didn’t get the luxury of saying goodbye, didn’t have the burden of knowing you would be gone soon. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, until you can feel Namjoon’s chest quivering under your palm. When you look up, he looks at you, really and truly at you , and he has tears in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to die, Casper,” He whispers. You suck in a breath because he can see you, and you don’t even know why, but you don’t want to lose this moment. “I don’t want to leave all of this behind. I don’t want to leave you.” 

“It’ll be okay,” you say softly. His brow furrows and a tear slides down his cheek. “I promise you it will be okay, Namjoon. It gets easier, and people remember but they aren’t stuck forever. And I…” You falter, and it takes his eyes meeting yours to make you realize he can hear you. And there’s only one thing you’ve ever needed him to hear. 

“I love you,” You tell him. “I love you, and I will never forget you.” 

He surges forward, lips meeting yours in a rush of air. You moan at the feeling of him against you, realizing that for the first time since you died, you can feel something under your fingers. His skin is warm against your fingers, his lips soft against your own, and when he reaches up to cup your jaw with his hand, he doesn’t pass through your form. Instead his hand settles heavy against you, and he moves your head to lick into your mouth. 

Tears that won’t fall prickle at the back of your eyes and you climb into his lap before he can stop you. He’s still crying so you wipe away the tears before they can fall, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks, his dimples, his nose, every bit you can reach. A question sits at the back of your mind, and you can see it lingering in his eyes, but neither of you asks it.

“You’re so cold.” His whisper is nearly lost amidst the thunder that shakes the apartment, but it makes you smile a little. 

“Warm me up?” 

His chest is still quivering with unspoken sobs, but he nods. “Always,” he tells you. “I’m always going to be here.” It doesn’t take long to pry him out of his clothes, takes even less time for him to sink into you. It feels just like it did when you were alive, only magnified; you can feel him hot and warm inside you, can feel the beat of his heart in the firm muscle under your hands. His moans are quiet and hoarse but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He keeps one hand on your waist and the other on your neck, holding you close enough that he can kiss whenever he wants. “You’re beautiful,” He whispers. “The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” You just press another kiss to his chapped lips and let him dig his fingers in hard enough that it would bruise if it could. When he’s close to his peak, he stops thrusting, just sits inside you as he grinds your hips down to his, and presses his forehead against yours. 

“I love you,” He tells you, lightning casting his shadow across the wall for a brief moment. “I love you, I do, I wish-”

“I know,” you tell him before he can continue. “I know, Namjoon, I know, and I do, too. I love you, too.” He comes a few seconds later, the warm seed soaking into his sheets because it has nowhere to go. His warmth disappears from under your hands and his arms fall to his lap when the only thing holding them up is gone. All you can hear is your quiet sobs mixed with his and the rain against the window, and for the first time since you came back, you really, truly, wish you had died. There’s no point in being a ghost when you can still feel your heart breaking in your chest. 

“Casper, are you ever scared?” 

It’s the middle of the afternoon. Namjoon is sprawled across the couch wrapped in blankets while Lucifer plays in the background and you doodle aimlessly on your board. You don’t need it as often now; you’ve gotten better at focusing your energy into being heard, though being corporeal still eludes you. You don’t know how you did it that night, but you’re grateful for it. 

“Of what?” You ask, looking towards him. He’s not looking at you or watching the show, just staring at the ceiling. He focuses at your words, lifts himself up into a sitting position. A shiver runs through him when his legs move through you, and you settle a weightless hand against his knee out of habit. 

“I don’t know,” He replies. “Just...whatever comes next. If there’s something that comes next. Being forgotten. Being stuck here forever.” 

You aren’t stupid; you know why he’s asking. The question lingers in the air, colors all of your conversations now, but the truth is that neither of you has the strength to ask it and neither of you knows the answer. 

“Sometimes,” You tell him. “Sometimes I wonder what Jihyo is doing, if she ever had a baby like she wanted to. I wonder if my parents are still alive, and what they say if they visit my grave, what they tell me now that I can’t respond to them.” 

Namjoon nods like he’s already thought of that, and he probably has. 

“Most of the time I try not to focus on it, though. It’s not helpful, it only upsets me, and I don’t…” You trail off, unsure of how to word your thoughts. “I don’t know what might happen if I only focus on the negative. I don’t know anything about what’s true about ghosts and what isn’t beyond that I exist now, and I can’t risk becoming something bad. So I try not to focus on it. It’s easier when you’re here.”

He grins and blows a kiss in your general direction, and you pretend not to notice the blood on his cracked lips. He’s quiet for the rest of the episode of half of another. 

“Have you ever seen a light?” 

“What?” He doesn’t seem to hear you, and you repeat your question on your board for him. 

“A light,” He echoes. “Like, the light.Y’know, the light at the end of the tunnel, ‘don’t go into the light,’ that thing.” 

You hesitate at that. You knew what he meant, what he actually wants to know here. He’s easier to read now than he was in the beginning. 

You watch him as he watches the space where you sit, curled up beside him on his couch. He can’t see you, of course, but he can see where the board rests in your hands. His gaze is heavier than it was when he first moved in; his cheeks are hollower, skin more gaunt with a grey tint that’s only made worse by the constant rain. The sun is just starting to break through the clouds, a brief reprieve after weeks of the dreary stone-colored clouds. It casts shadows along the walls, reflects off something in the window across the alley, and backlights Namjoon beautifully, casts a halo of light around the brittle brown hair you love. 

Once, you tell him. Just once.

“Why didn’t you go to it?” 

There are so many things you could tell him, so many different ways to answer such a simple question, but you find yourself lingering on the one thing you know is the ultimate truth. 

Because I love you.

September comes with even more rain and a bittersweet atmosphere. Jeongguk spends his birthday at Namjoon’s apartment and then comes back a little over a week later, surrounded by the other guys and carrying enough food to last a few months. You stay curled on the bed, one of the only safe places for you to not mess with anyone or anything. Your board is tucked into the blankets, ready to be used but hidden from view just in case. You watch as Namjoon sits on the couch, tucked between Taehyung and Yoongi with both of them leaning into him as much as possible, Yoongi’s hands wrapped in one of his and Tae’s head on his shoulder. 

The other’s aren’t far, leaning against the back of the couch and on beanbags they’d brought with them, all laughing as Hoseok does his best to act out whatever he’d been given in charades. He’s not bad at it - you’ve guessed the last few he’s done - but he is utterly ridiculous in his mannerisms. You know why; it’s the same reason everyone kept smiling when Namjoon refused all of the food he was offered, why Seokjin would crack a terrible joke whenever it got too quiet for too long, why everyone is resolutely ignoring the growing pile of tissues on the table. 

It keeps a smile on Namjoon’s face, though, and a laugh in his eyes, and you can’t ever be anything but grateful for that. 

Hoseok stumbles, nearly falling and whirling his arms to catch himself before eventually falling anyway. You laugh along with the others, grinning at the way Hobi pouts and rubs at his hip. You’re focused on the way Joon laughs, the way it lights up his face and brightens the entire room, which is why you see it first. 

The tickle at the back of his throat quickly becomes a cough, wet and wheezing and enough to make him throw the blankets from his lap and stumble to the bathroom. 

You’re there before he is, helping him slide the door closed and locking it behind him as he bends over the toilet again. The six of them are quiet in the main room, speaking in hushed whispers that neither you nor Namjoon wants to hear. You turn the knob on the sink, wetting a towel while you drown out the sound of voices, and letting a hand run over Namjoon’s back. 

“I’m okay,” he mutters. You ignore the way his voice shakes, the way his lips are redder than before, the way this happens more often than before. Instead, you just press the damp rag to his neck and watch his eyes close in relief. When he stands and flushes the evidence away, you already have his toothbrush ready and waiting, and you stay as close to him as you can until he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m okay,” He repeats. “I’m okay. It’s my birthday, and I’m okay.” 

He goes back out with a smile on his face and a laugh in his voice, teasing Hoseok about the way he fell and reenacting it, even. When he settles on the couch, he urges the others to continue the game. There’s a brief moment of hesitation before Jimin declares that he’s next and pulls something from the bowl on the table. 

You know you aren’t the only one that notices the way Namjoon’s eyes linger on the six men around him, but you are the only one that notices the way they also linger on his steamer trunk, the shelf with his books, the TV, the record player, the scrapbook of his life that they all worked on and Taehyung pieced together over the months, the plants on the wall that he had cared for. He looks around his apartment as if he’s looking at it for the last time. 

As if he’s already planning who’s going to get what. 

He finally asks the question you both have been thinking about, nearly two months later. His breathing comes in ragged pants, his lips stay chapped, and he keeps several blankets around him at all times to try to hide the shaking of his body. Your soft sobs echo through the apartment constantly; while you reheat the tea he doesn’t drink for the millionth time, while you quietly water and prune the plants he’s saved from death the way you wish you could save him, while you sit curled around him as he sleeps, soothing his coughs with quiet whispers. 

Night has just begun to fall, the rain of the day turning into a soft drizzle, and you stare at him blankly, unsure how to process what you’ve just heard. 

“Do you think I’ll come back?” He asks again, slightly louder. As if you hadn’t heard his shaky voice the first time. It’s not the question that floors you. You’ve been expecting this for weeks, months even. You’ve wondered it yourself as you prepare tea and ignore the sounds of him vomiting blood in the bathroom, as he disappears to the hospital and returns with a worse prognosis than before, as you’ve adjusted to the idea that you are dead and he is dying and you cannot do anything to help him. 

You never would have expected the hope that his words carry though. 

“Why does it sound like you want to?” You ask. Your voice is clear in the air and you’re glad for it, because this isn’t something you want to talk about through your board. 

“Because I do?” His response is delayed and sounds more like a question than a real answer. 

“Why?!” You demand. 

“Are you serious, Casper?” His brow is furrowed as he sits up and lets the blankets fall away to sit haphazardly off the couch. 

“Are you? Joon, why would you want to come back?”

“You’re seriously asking me that question? Why would I not? I’ve got so much I still want to do, I never thought I’d get the chance to after I got the diagnosis and now I might be able to. Why wouldn’t I want that?”

“Because it doesn’t work like that! You don’t get to just wander the world and fuck around, Joon, you’re dead.”

“Yeah, but you can still read and write and everything. I’d have all the time in the world to read the books I want to read, watch the shows I want to watch, write the music and stories and lyrics that I want to write.”

“Yeah, so long as it all stays in this apartment!” The light in the room flickers slightly with the force of your irritation. “You can’t do anything that isn’t in this room, Namjoon, you can’t use any of the electronics, you can’t read a book unless it’s here, you can’t write music unless it’s on actual paper, you can’t do anything.” 

“Yeah, and I could make that work. Why are you so upset about this? I thought you’d be happy.”

“Happy? You think I’d be happy that you’d be stuck in these four walls forever, too? Why would that make me happy?” Namjoon stands, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. 

“Because I’d be with you! We’d be together, forever! Do you not want to be with me?”

“Of course I want to be with you, Joon, but not at the cost of you being stuck here. I don’t want that for anyone, certainly not the man I love.”

“And what if that’s what I want? What if I want to spend the rest of time with you? I’m already spending the rest of my life with you, I’m in love with you, I don’t want to leave you.”

“And I don’t want you to go, but Joon, why would I want you stuck here, too? This isn’t something fun. This isn’t anything that I enjoy.”

“Oh, so you regret it all then?”

“I didn’t say that, I just don’t want you to be stuck in a shitty studio apartment for who knows how long when you can’t fucking do half of the things you love! You wouldn’t go on walks, Namjoon, you wouldn’t go with Guk and Jimin to the movies, you wouldn’t get visits from Hobi, you wouldn’t get to shop with Taehyung or Jin, you wouldn’t get to drag Yoongi away from his thesis or celebrate with them when he finishes it! It’s not like being alive, Namjoon, you’d be dead and alone and in hell!”

“Whatever,” He mutters, shoving his arms into his coat. “Why can’t you understand for one fucking second that it wouldn’t be like that with you? I’d rather be stuck here forever than have to die in some shitty apartment and not even be able to touch the person I love.”

“Why can’t you understand that it’s still death? You’d be dead, Joon, your friends would go to your funeral and disappear from your life, and you’d be stuck staring out that window at that shitty alley for the rest of time. You don’t get it, you don’t how terrible it is to be stuck here and watch life pass you by.”

“Then why the fuck are you still here?” He asks. The door slams behind him before you can answer him, and your scream shakes everything in the room. You just barely catch one of the plants in the kitchen, a brown-potted one with ‘Shooky’ scrawled in Yoongi’s familiar handwriting, before it crashes to the ground. You return it to its place gently and huff another frustrated groan. 

You wish you could explain it better, but you know he wouldn’t get it even if you could. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be trapped between four walls and unable to do anything without massive amounts of effort. And he won’t, not unless he experiences it himself. 

You’ve already watched him wither away. You’ve watched him become thin and sallow and a shadow of the Namjoon who first moved in, and you don’t know what you would do if he came back. You wouldn’t be alone anymore, of course, and you’d have him here with you, but at what cost? Namjoon was built for cherry blossoms and sunshine and the riverside. He would hate being trapped here even more than you do.

Still, you could have been more understanding of his view. You can admit that even being stuck in a shitty apartment wasn’t so terrible when you had Namjoon there to make you laugh or watch TV or read to you. It may even get better if he turned into a ghost; maybe you could hold his hands in yours, could feel him wrap his arms around you, could press kisses to his skin again. 

You move to the window and stand there waiting. It’s not good for him to be out, even if the rain had stopped a few days ago and the forecasters promised it was the end of the downpours. He was still weak, you’d be surprised he even went anywhere to begin with but you know he likes to walk to calm himself down. 

You worry for what feels like hours. You can’t focus on anything, not the way the sun starts to set, not the sound of cars passing or the neighbor leaving. You’ve worked yourself into knots by the time you hear his whistle echo up through the streets, nearly lost in the sound of some argument in the alley below you. You catch a brief view of his coat and smile when you see that he’s got some half-dead plant tucked under an arm. There’s the briefest glimpse of what looks like a Ca scrawled onto it, and your heart jumps in your throat.

You make your way to the stove, turning the heat up slightly too high so that it’ll be ready when he comes in. The arguing outside gets louder but you pay it no mind, pulling the honey out and setting it next to his favorite mug. You’re reaching for the tea when you hear something else. It definitely sounds like Namjoon’s voice, but it’s not in the hall or at the door like usual. It’s raised, like he’s yelling at someone, like it was just a while ago when he was fighting with you. A crash startles you and before you can even reach the window to see what’s going on, there’s a deafening bang. 

You slam your fist against the window, watch the red mix with dirt, and the kettle isn't that only thing that screams. 

“I think that’s the last of it,” Jeongguk says. His voice is scratchy and quiet, but it’s deafening in the silence of the apartment. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok replies. His eyes are rimmed with red and his hands shake as he slides the last mug into a box. “Thanks for the help, Guk. I don’t, um.” He sniffles. “I don’t think I could’ve done it myself, y’know?” 

“I know,” Jeongguk agrees. They’re quiet again, adjusting the things they’ve boxed and avoiding finishing what they’re doing. 

“Oh, can you get that?” You don’t have to look to know what Hoseok is talking about. Jeongguk grunts an affirmation and makes his way over. It’s a strange feeling, having someone pass through you again for the first time since. His hands fly into the air as he tries to lift, clearly not having expected it to weigh anything. 

His reflection in the window frowns, and he tries again, tugging on the pot. 

“I can’t get it,” He says. “Do you think he glued these things down or something?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies as he wanders over as well. “He used to pick them up to re-pot them, remember? And the others came up with no problem.” 

“Well it’s stuck or something, you try.”

Hobi takes Jeongguk’s place and pulls hard at the plot, but your grip doesn’t waver. He huffs and disappears. When he returns, he’s got a butter knife in one hand that he does his best to slip under the pot. He tries hard to pry it up, so hard that you almost want to give in. You don’t though. 

The knife clatters to the floor with as much force as Hoseok can put behind it, a curse following quickly behind it. 

“Fuck it,” Hoseok says. His voice is shaky and you know he’s near tears again. “Just fuck it.” 

“But that was-”

“You can try if you want, Guk, but I just-” He chokes back a sob, shaking his head and moving to pick up the boxes he’d set down. “I just can’t, okay?” He disappears out the door in a hurry, and you wish you could follow after him. 

Jeongguk looks down at the small plant, with its painted periwinkle pot and soft leaves. He runs a quivering finger over the leaf and sniffles. He doesn’t try to lift it again, just stands and lets his tear soak into the soil.

“I wish you could come back to us,” He whispers. “We thought...we expected more time. It’s not...it’s not really fair, y’know? So if you can hear me, if you can come back to us, please do. Please.” 

He turns and leaves, the apartment door slamming behind him like the lid of a casket. Your grip on Mang loosens now that you know no one’s going to try to take it. You’d watched them pack everything else up; you’d let them take the steamer trunk full of records, the shelf full of books and movies, the collection of mugs, the soft blankets, the ratty couch, the rest of the plants he’d cared for so tenderly. 

Piece by piece they had packed Namjoon up and walked him out of the apartment, but this was the one piece they couldn’t have. This was his favorite and none of them knew how to care for it like you did, and you had to. You owed it to him. He deserved to come back to at least one familiar thing, never mind that you woke up not even a day later and it’s now been weeks. If there was one thing you wanted him to see when he got back, it was his favorite of his plants. 

The sun glares into your eyes from where it shines down on the city. It reflects off something in the window from across the alley, would be blinding if you actually had eyes. You pay it no mind, focused instead on the remains of the broken brown pot down in the alley, the way you’ve pieced them together in your head a thousand times just to trace the word Casper with your eyes. You can almost hear his voice saying it, even now.

You whip around, eyes darting through the empty space of the apartment as your hands tighten around Mang.

All that rests there is empty space, mocking in its loneliness. You remember when he moved in, remember how it felt to test the boundaries of the apartment and wish you were free. The want is still there, to leave and never think of it again, never think of him. You know better, though. You could never escape the memory of him, the way he laughed and smiled and spoke. You could never abandon Mang. Not when he said he’d always come back to you. 

You turn back to the window, cursing the sunlight with every other breath. It fades, slowly, into the black of night, before returning again, and again, and again. Days pass, each one feeling like years. Hoseok doesn’t appear to show the apartment, no one comes to collect the small periwinkle pot between your palms, and the ghost of his laugh echoes around you. 

The sun blinds you again. You don’t even know how long it’s been, just that you’ve yet to move. Light glints off whatever hangs in the window across the alley. That's when you see it, a vague reflection in the weathered glass of a dimple and a grin, and warmth surrounds you.

“I told you I’d always come back, Casper.”

[raappana]

oh no i forgot sry @starlightonthemoon tagged me like Months ago

1. Nickname: I mean technically Meta is a diminutive of Margareta so I guess my normal name is my nickname? but other than that I don't have any

2. Zodiac: uhh Sagittarius in the Greek zodiac, Fire Ox in Chinese, Vṛścika (Scorpio) in the Hindu sidereal zodiac, idk are there any more? i have no belief in the idea that it Matters but i find it fun to know in many zodiacs

3. Height: 165cm, which im Pretty sure is 5'5″?

4. Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff, but that is the extent to which i will engage with that fandom

5. Last thing I googled: '165cm in feet and inches'. but previous to starting on this post, 'koronaregler oslo' (covid rules oslo) bc i had to check if restaurants are still takeaway only or if i could go eat out somewhere for Constitution Day

6. Song stuck in my mind: Furret Walk / Accumula Town from Pokémon Black&White. it's v upbeat and catchy

7. Number of followers: 247, but the Vast majority are either porn bots or mutuals who went inactive years ago

8. Amount of sleep: around eight-nine hours usually, but recently ive been going to bed Very late and still waking up at noon at the latest so.less

9. Lucky number: Well my favourite number is 17, but I wouldn't call it a lucky number? that's the closest ive got tho

10. Dream job: eccentric professor of linguistics slash lesbian trophy wife

11. Wearing: my one remaining dress that isn't in the laundry, it's very handy because its comfy and simple enough to wear at home but also "proper" and cute enough to wear outside so i dont have to change between outfits much

12. Favourite song: Tir n'a Noir by the Norwegian folk band Vamp

13. Favourite instrument: hhhh i cant Choose???? french horn was the first thing i learned so i have Lots of nostalgic affection for it, but piano ive stuck with for longer, but then organ music has so much cool music nerd shit to love, i just. im gonna say all three of those yea thats allowed i make the rules french horn, piano, and church organ

14. Aesthetic: flea market dresses. thats it thats my entire aesthetic

15. Favourite authors: i mean Emmi literally is the one who tagged me in this and she's super cool and her book is one of the best books ive read, but then i also gotta mention Tamsyn Muir, Brandon Sanderson, and Cixin Liu bc i Love mysteries in worldbuilding and they all did Amazing jobs making me Invested in figuring out how their worlds work before the reveals. and also Emmi and Muir's books are gay which is always a plus

16. Favourite animal sounds: That little almost-meow when my cat want our attention but doesn't feel strongly enough about it to make a Proper noise, she just makes a small "mow" sound to let us know she's there

17. A random fact about me: my most notes on a tumblr post was on december 15, 2016, when after hearing episode 100 of Welcome to Night Vale i made a post about wanting a spinoff show where Michelle and Maureen set up a rival station to Cecil's bc i love them and wanted to hear more of them; it got 47 notes and Kate Jones (Michelle's VA) replied to it saying she was on board!! truly my proudest fandom moment. anyways then i fell out of listening within like six months after and i mean i wouldnt have known if it did happen but as far as i know it never did. i miss night vale i should relisten some time

as shown by the fact it took me three months to do this i do not put Any pressure on this tagging, but i tag: @svtboo @miriagreyhaven @emmanent, if ya'll want to!

[valkyrieskwad]

hello ive just finished smokejumper au and oh mygod this story is the warmest hug on the coldest winter evening. its everything i never knew could exist and never knew i needed and i literally cried through the whole thing probably from chapter 2 to the end that i had to take off my glasses and let my eyes hurt from the lack of blue lens but its worth it bc you wrote this and i love it so much. i was a little wary of starting this story tbh when i saw the tags on depression and mi bc i was afraid it might be too heavy for me but it ended up being the complete opposite. it was a breath of fresh air and a huge sigh of relief and catharsis all at once. everything about the story resonates so deeply w me that i was just shook. i couldnt wait to finish reading it so i can hop on tumblr to tell you how amazing you are once again and that im so grateful you exist and that you are willing to share your art w the world. we really dont deserve you. im just so in awe of every piece you put out and i could read anything you write forever. im aware this ask is getting long and im sorry about that but i just want to make sure i let you know how much your writing comforts me, it makes me feel seen and known and understood, like how lena sees and understands and empathizes with kara and aggshahdhd, dude i fucking love you and your writing so much, so thank you thank you thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

i was also going back and forth about sending this ask and deciding to just put it in a different ask bc like, im still shaking from all the feelings smokejumper au has evoked in me and i NEED to talk about it. the part where lena asked about kara’s pronouns so respectfully and the conversation that followed about kara and her conflict w wanting to be a boy vs feeling like she needed to be a boy is just, something that couldnt have come to me at a better time bc its something that ive been struggling w v recently and ive never said it out loud before and up to maybe a few weeks ago, ive never even said it to myself, or at least ive just tucked that so far inside my brain and avoided it. and then reading about it in one of your stories made me realize that this is a thing other people deal w too and like im not alone and its so so nice. you have such a deep understanding of the human condition, and youre able to so accurately narrate certain aspects of being human that like, im just like 🥺🥺🥺 i hope this doesnt come off wrong but it becomes so much more than a story, i cant even articulate it ahfhksjan. like its so real. and you do it w such brilliance and grace. idk i feel like could go on forever about how much i love your writing but i need to stop at some point. anyway, i hope you have a really good day and something makes you smile today!!!

Hi!! this whole thing is beautiful and it’s made me smile for a few days now, so i thank you for being the light you want to see in the world!! im glad catharsis seems to be a general theme with that, and im really glad with a lot of the choices i made haha. when writing it i felt like some things were too honest? but i think that’s what makes some parts relatable :p also ‘we really don’t deserve you’ is praise so high i cant even see it anymore. thank you so much it’s so sweet, i don’t know what to do with that.

as for your second part: i think the responses i got to that part of the fic have genuinely been my favorite feedback hands down that ive ever gotten for anything. i was actually really nervous to post that because it was even hard for me to articulate haha, but i’m glad it came across well, and im glad i was able to put it into words and help so many others put it into words. idk, that’s like always been my goal with writing, so it’s nice it actually happened.

sorry it took so long to get to this, but it’s so sweet and i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it. so much love to you! i hope the rest of your week/weekend is amazing. thanks for dropping in <333

[alanncs]

hi my angels ! my name’s dani , i’m from toronto ontario aka best city in the worldt , & i’m 20  !  i’m the kelsey m on the main  &  i can’t tell u how excited i am to have wealthy up n running again !  i literally can’t wait to plot with all you beautiful peoples , so pls like this  &  i’ll slide in the dms , otherwise u can also hit me up on discord 𝒎𝒈����'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958  !!  i’m gonna put all you need  2 know about alanna below aaand i hope y’all like her ! <3

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street in gucci bee sneakers . your resemblance to hailey baldwin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also gracious . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be anything pink , the lingering smell of weed , and a cigarette between her fingers . &  ( cisfemale & she/her  )  +  ( dani , 20 , she/her , est . )

                    *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  :  scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c  )  ,  hanna  marin  (  pretty  little  liars  )  .

                   *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created . 

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone .

she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone  

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it

she wants to forget - here comes her secret - she got into drugs after the kidnapping and it quickly spiraled out of control , now she can’t seem to function without them because they’re the only thing that make her feel normal and make the memories fade

anything she can get her hands on rly

but the media think she’s an angel , her reputation has been kept p much pristine her whole life . and her parents have no clue how much she’s struggling or how much she’s changed . so if this were to come out , it would tarnish not only alanna’s reputation but her family’s  as well

                                         *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!

after deferring from brown ,  alanna knew she had to find some way to keep herself occupied and make money , even though she could live off her parents for however long she wanted

alanna wants to be . miss independent .

so she started getting into modelling , bc of her mom it was easy for her to book gigs

she was able to book gigs like adidas , guess , calvin klein  etc  !

so  that was super exciting for her bc she got really into it and  enjoyed doing it sm

she started acting about a year ago - started off in a few movies , & now she’s currently starring in a netflix series - smth similiar to elite or on my block !

oko so in high school alanna was super bubbly , and just like the really overly nice girl that would talk to literally every 1

but it worked for her bc she was  voted prom queen  and valedictorian ! even tho she missed graduation . yike

Anyway now ! she is not v much like that anymore , except  when she’s super high .

since her kidnapping alanna has been closed off and aloof . in general , she’s not as talkative

she says what she thinks but it usually comes in one word mumbles

can sometimes b very entertaining  . she’s kinda like paris hilton a little bit

also think Marissa from the oc !!

call her a  spoiled brat she’s gonna be like “ yah… and ?”

she  can be very selfish to a fault  in certain situations

and very defensive if she feels attacked, judged , put into a corner , physically cornered , etc

she’s a hopeless romantic at heart and dreams of having an epic love story

but she  has Hella trust issues which easily lead to commitment issues for her so … she will cheat “by accident” lol

that’s why she tries to steer clear of relationships but she also has such a big heart she  falls in love 5 times a day sffsdkj

also w  how much this girl  can sleep around it’s not happening any Time soon 4 her ! she enjoys being single a lot

Bc she likes to get wild

shes like nicole richie on the simple life when she’s partying  lmao

like she likes 2 fuck with ppl sometimes lol , like she will flirt w anyone and everyone just cus she’s bored

umm she lives  in sweatpants n crop tops !

her hair is either in a  bun or just down , she’s rly lazy when it comes to hair and makeup   . like if her makeups done someone else did it lol

Unless she’s like fully in the mood

ooverall she’s a rly sweet lil bean whos just scared of humans ! :’(

um ya idk im always developing  her but IF U read  all this  ilysm !

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !

                                  *  /  𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !!

EVERYTHING   !  here is a link to my wc page & a link to my wc TAG which are both full of ideas so  msg me  & i’ll throw tons of ideas at u <333 let’s do it i luv plotting sm okay

[waltrp]

THERE IS NO WHY I’M KISSING A FROG AND EATING A BUG IN THE SAME DAY

BIDDI BOPPI BOOP A SPECIAL MESSAGE ADMIN ZULEMA: when i tell you that both kiara and i were excited to get this app i mean we are so freaking excited to finally have a tiana. Ash, bless you. Tiana is a character I love here and in general. You captured their voice so PERFECTLY. your app was beautiful as usual, you gifted human. i’m so excited to see what you do with Tiana. I know i’m excited to see Lottie and Tiana interactions. Please refer to THIS PAGE for your next tasks. We can’t wait to roleplay with you. Welcome to our Ohana xx.

It’s a pleasure to meet you…

Ash, 22, She/Her, GMT+1

Are you positive you can be active?

Im on as much as I can be, I had a bad few weeks during june where I wasnt able to get on due to personal issues but that is very rare for me. I give 70% of my day to this group… which now that I type it sounds really sad…

How did you stumble upon Walt?

Zane Holtz tag, a true hottie

Did you read the rules?

Yes!

Are you sure?

- and I bet they’d be cute!

Character you want?

Tiana Hudson

Please describe the character for us

Tiana is a realistic dreamer, when she dreams it’s bigger than anyone else’s but she is willing to put the work in. Tiana knows nothing in this world comes free and pours her blood, sweat and tears into everything she does in order to make her dreams come true, She is fiercely passionate and independent, she is extremely sure of herself and sets constant goals. She can seem a little uptight to others but its only because she doesn’t have the time to goof around or take her eyes off the prize. Once she sets her sight on something Tiana will stop at nothing to get it, even if that means missing key moments of her youth. She is a kind hearted soul who really would do anything for anything for anyone, her only flaw is that she’s so focused on her future that she can’t slow down to appreciate her present.

Second character choice

I would be torn between Gabriella Montez and Poppy Lang

It’s time to see that sample para.

The sound of crickets and birds chirping alongside the rising sun mocked Tiana as she reached the front porch, her shift lasted longer than expected as she offered to do overtime and clean the kitchen. It had been a slow night for tips and she needed all the extra cash she could get if she wanted to keep on track for buying a restaurant of her own. Yawning as she entered the family home she shut the door quietly behind her and dropped her bag on the sofa. “Morning baby” her mother called out from the kitchen as Tiana followed the scent of cinnamon and coffee. “Goodnight, Mama” she responded sleepily “I can’t believe you’re up this early” she mumbled taking a seat at the table. Her mother chuckled in her night robe standing over the stove and began spooning porridge into two bowls. “Someone’s gotta’ make sure you eat”. Tiana smiled lazily at her Mother as she placed a warm bowl in front of her “Thankyou Mama”. “You’re welcome Tiana.” The two women ate in silence while Tiana checked her emails and her Mother read the paper. Both too exhausted at this hour of the morning to make chit-chat. Tiana knew her Mother didn’t enjoy waking up this early but appreciated that she would not let her daughter dine alone, eating together was something they continued to do as a family after the death of her Father.

Tiana’s phone buzzed mid-spoonful of porridge and the entire thing dropped to the table with a clatter. “Its the realtors for the Old Sugar Mill!” Tiana gasped, jumping up from her seat. “Gone are the days when they used to mail documents to you– now everything is online” Her mother commented while taking a sip of her coffee. Tiana’s eyes narrowed “Mama stop being so negative– this could be it!” she beamed, feeling her heart pound against her chest. “Well don’t just stand there open it!” her Mother replied, masking her own anxiety. It was tough to watch your child grow up and even tougher to watch them chase their dreams in a world that could be so cruel. “Okay okay– Dear Miss Hudson, we are writing to inform you that your recent bid for Sweetman’s Sugar Mill has been rejected.” Tiana felt her heart sink to her feet as she briefly scanned over the rest of the email, her mother audibly gasped and stood up. “That’s just one realtor, there’s plenty more properties in the City” She said softly, stepping towards Tiana who stood numbly in the kitchen. “It was his dream…” she whispered. Tiana’s mother wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter and kissed her cheek. “Baby you are so young, you’re working too hard. Maybe its time to take a little break– go on a vacation!” she offered. Tiana shook her head. “I can’t. I don’t have the time– I gotta’ make sure Daddy’s hard work means something!”. Tiana’s mother took a step back. “Tiana!” she said sternly. “Your Daddy may not have got the restaurant he wanted but he had something better.” placing a gentle hand on her daughter’s cheek, her voice was soft. “He had love.”

Tiana felt like she was going to burst into tears, she buried her head against her Mother’s shoulder as she hugged her. “I don’t know what to do..” she confessed, feeling helpless, lost, not only was she letting herself down she was also letting her Father down. Her Mother soothingly patted her back. “There there– you learn from it baby. You take the rejection and you let it go. You use it to fuel your fire and you continue to live your life… and maybe you get coffee with the sweet boy from the bakery.” Tiana pulled back from her Mother’s embrace and rolled her eyes. “Quit tryna’ marry me off I’ve got plenty of time to date.” she replied, folding her arms. “So do it then” her Mother replied. The two women were now smiling, though Tiana was faking it to please her Mother. She didn’t understand, she wanted Tiana to date and go dancing, like any of that could mean something when her heart clearly belonged to a different dream.  A dream that was now just out of her reach. She was almost there. “Whatever I gotta’ go email some auctioneers and property scout” she said with a wave of dismissal heading towards her room. “Don’t forget to shower and take a nap!” her Mother called out in response. Tiana grunted some kind of reply reaching her bedroom door, she heard the sound of her mother’s sewing machine buzz in the background. Now she was free to feel her emotions without interruption.

As Tiana shut over her bedroom door she began to tear up, passing her collection of family photographs on her dresser she picked up the one of her Father smiling that they used for the funeral. “Daddy I’m so sorry…” she whispered, wiping her thumb across his face. He looked so happy, full of life and hopes and dreams. She missed him everyday and now she was failing him, it was a disappointment too hard to stomach. “There’s nothing here for us anymore.. I gotta’ go somewhere with real opportunities.” she explained. Tiana placed a kiss on the forehead of her Father’s photo and gently put it back onto the dresser, kicking off her shoes she climbed onto her bed and pulled out her phone. She softly wiped away at the tears that began to fall from her eyes. “No more crying, No more feeling sorry for yourself Miss Tiana!” she warned. “We accept it, we move on and we keep trying!”. In the spirit of looking for a new opportunity Tiana scrolled through her contact list and began to type a new message.

[NEW MSG; LOTTIE]

Hey girl! Long time no speak. Please don’t kill me because work already is. So.. I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about Elias. If I came up would you give me a tour?

Anything else, love?

I made an aesthetic HERE and a playlist edit HERE and HERE bc im v committed to taking up my favourite princess<3

[refroged]

@obiwoman ​ tagged me in this - thank you!! and sorry it took me a little while lol

Are you staying home from work/school? yep! my university stopped in-person classes 2 weeks ago, so i’ve been home for those 2 weeks!

If you’re staying home, who is with you? my family! i usually live with my parents and younger brother, and my older sister came home from Toronto last week because she lives alone and was worried about being isolated for a long time

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate? uuh idk! i love my sister but she’s also extremely “healthy” in a very performative way which is stirring up some of the v unhealthy guilty attitudes towards food that i struggled with when i was younger:( so she’s maybe not the ideal quarantine buddy? i started seeing someone before all of this happened! and i like her and i wish i could see her more rn! not wishing we were stuck together for like, 2 months or whatever though lol! so idk! idk! i don’t think any single person can accomplish what the range of human interaction im used to like, provides for my brain lmao

Are you a homebody? i think so! although its not always by choice! i like a social gathering of the ‘close friends hanging out’ variety, but i appear to have befriended many borderline-frat-bros recently so im lacking in the social engagement that i like best:( so mostly i just stay home. straight people parties exhaust me lmao, and im tired of being concerned about alcohol poisoning or weed-induced anxiety. also don’t know how to ask people i like to spend time with me so moslty! i just stay home!

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? yeah! i had a poster presentation for a research project the week everything got cancelled, so i was a little disappointed about that! i was also supposed to see a production of paradise lost in late april and also maybe go to paris that week, which are both noooot really going to happen at this point:( AND i was supposed to go over to someone’s place and she was gonna cook for me and i was gonna try to hype myself up and maybe kiss her so IDK!! kinda bad timing lol!

What movies have you watched recently? aaaah recently i watched The Farewell, Okja, and Horse Girl! and i was super late to the party but i did watch The Shape of Water for the first time not long ago too

What shows are you watching? i’m watching Altered Carbon rn! also rewatching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt in the background while i like, brush my teeth or chop onions or whatever lol! i finished rewatching ATLA 2ish weeks ago, and i’m considering a rewatch of LOK too 👀

What music are you listening to? uuh i’ve been listening to a lot of Courtney Barnett the past few days ! i mostly listen to music on the bus and i. am not really on the bus much these days lmao.. i listened to New Order and Spoon in the car the other day as well i think!

What are you reading? mostly stuff for class:( i’m not allowed to read anything else until i catch up on my class reading! i’m making my way through Hanif Kureishi’s The Buddha of Suburbia rn, and i read Coriolanus like 5 times this month for an essay lol. i also found a printed copy of “Crossing Brooklyn Ferry” that i had put up in my cubicle last summer, which is now taped above my bedside table lol so i have been reading that poem a lot, if that counts!

What are you doing for self-care? hmm im cooking more for sure! playing animal crossing! allowing myself to be unproductive, which is something i definitely struggle with! and i am TRYING to drink more water but ooooh my god am i bad at it lol. i also just spent more money than i should’ve on art prints bc im in my bedroom more than ever before and i want nice things to contemplate :)

i’m gonna tag @hale-of-stiles-heart in return! if we’re mutuals (or even if we’re not mutuals!) and you enjoy/don’t mind being tagged in things, let me know (like sincerely! let me know)! i feel bad bothering people out of the blue, but if you want to do this say i tagged you! i really really mean it! or like tell me so i can tag you next time lol