#im not going to hide that because change of mindset is not a crime

[princeloww]

character AI should not be excluded from conversations about generative AI. btw

[solardick]

Oh no, time to endure more environmental changes instea dof growing as an individual. Go get high and see if im not harrased and conditioned with ganing nothing else to do. Cant even spend time along without being abused.

Went out almost got git by a couple cars. Oeiole being fucken retarded lately. Brush anoyher couple people. While half a dozen more or so cross my path to close proximity. All from 30 to 50 degree angles. One guy had to stop traffic cause he was making an illigal turn into the parking lot at the same time im crossing the street. Kept a slow despondent pace. Ehile they waiting in the middle of a main street. Whatever man. I dont hive a shit. I aint fucken moving out of your way.

And i dont get it man. Its just always been this way. Since the moment i opened my eyes. The world ruining me. Theres nothing to gain from it. This isnt the real world. Its something else. Transit over hellscaoe passed. Back to normal. Good luck. And enjoyement. Man i ahte life.

If it wasnt all a lie. I’d say your maturing her. .what? This again? Id rather go back to cherry. I don’t need a filter. Because she wants it. The dark side of her darkened sex. Wonder what she does without me. I wanted to fix it.

On the other note how many more years do i owe for the crime of my birth?

Guess i was supposed to go out drinking yesterday and sicken myself with a hangover with very poor quality sleep. Or some such. Changes in my brain chemistry. Again after the same experience. Probably medicated on something. Same dream. Jeckel and hide sort of deal. Fighting in keeping it under wraps. This alien mindset that doesnt belong in this world.

Up the testosterone for the youthful energy to aid in keeping me productive and well lubricated. It was easier to handle when i was younger. Thr mind has to be kept on outer accomplisment. Our the entire system seizes to work. Which has be made extremly difficult because everything is a lie.

Insecure hostle environment equals out towards immortality. Safe secure environment aims towards reproduction.

Intimidation? Is a very intimate thing.

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for]

yoooo can you tell me abt the detective in your header? n can i also ask how you like to make ocs? like, when i make characters i usually take one of the ugliest parts of me n one thing abt me that is nice then just build them up from there. whenever i think of making twc detectives i usually pick an li first and ask myself, "what kind of person would i think make a/n/f/m happy" then build it up from there, i kno the detectives will be compatible regardless but i love the idea of pairing f (1/2)

(2/2) with someone genuine and trusting so f wouldn't have to go througj the "being hurt cause the detective chose to hide their relationship" thing, idk im just really passionate about twc and it's nice to see a blog like this, pls keep it up :)

Apologizing in advance for the long post, I’m on mobile and don’t know if you can do a “read more” on there.

I am working on changing the art in the profile picture because I just changed how she looks lol

Honestly, I’m really not well versed in making OCs for things I’m a fan of. I can only think of my detective and an apprentice (The Arcana related) and that’s about it.

My detective is really well rounded personality wise, I think, that she really works with any of the members of UB. Mason was my first route, so initially I made my detective super friendly and optimistic because I LOVE couples that are just complete opposites of each other. It just so happens that my detective was like one size fits all to me, whereas I usually make one OC per route specific to each character.

After having the mindset from the first play through of what she looked like and how she would respond, the personality traits just stuck. I also realized that it suited most of UB for me.

For Adam, he’s so short with everybody and distant, that I really liked the idea of having a detective that took that in stride and was warm towards him to soften his edges. I also like the dynamic of them being the perfect duo in any situation. Whatever one isn’t equipped for, the other one can handle. Especially since they’re both leaders.

For Nate, I really liked my detective because she shared the same views as him on a lot of things. Nate is pretty unique in his kindness and morals and it doesn’t really seem that most of UB agrees with his ideals so I think he would revel in someone who did. I really want Nate to recieve all the warmth he puts out into the universe. 🥺

For Felix, it more or less the same as Nate in terms of needing kindness. For me, not only does Felix need a partner I’m crime, but he needs someone that he can bask in the warmth of. My detective is definitely silly enough to join in on antics, but she’s also caring enough to see when he just needs someone to be with.

For Mason, I kind of already said the background on that. I love opposites attract and there’s something about him seeing this ball of sunshine and being like “pls no anything but that” when he has feelings for her has me weak. Based on his reactions to certain options, he also gets really thrown off by genuineness and kindness so I want him to have someone who are those things. I think Mason needs someone who can see past face value, endure the resistance he puts up, and asks nothing from him.

I think the idea of kindness being strength is something that all of UB will come to appreciate and acknowledge in time (save N who is already been knew lol)

[butch-bakugo]

Ok but Like this post gonna be long

The way some ace exclusionists talk about ace people in general like every single ace person looks the same, likes the same things, has the same opinions and that every last one of us is on tumblr is honestly fucking hilarious how wrong it is.

They act like they got the entire fucking asexual community figured out and because they are just " so knowledgable" on it, they have enough proof to satisfactorily make fun of it and judge every last individual in it. Tbh stepping away from both the inclusionist and exclusionist circle jerks has been so refreshing. I was both, ive been in both midsets tbh most of you are trash to other people and that's why im neutral.

Inclusionists have a flawed mindset inherently. Inclusion is not king in a community intended for oppressed people. Your too forgiving, often young, impressionable and just want to be everybody's friend. You want to be accepting and that mindset is great but i dont think its a coincidence that you often over lap with people who find other things excusable. You were the group that was exclusively pro-map. No exclusionists touched that side. You often are fujoshis, anti-antis and other people who want to take advantage of young people to change the world to be more crime friendly, expecially towards pedophiles, rapists and incestors. Who want you to mindlessly nod your head to let whatever in because it makes you seem like a good soul. Its not good. Your not helping anyone and being nothing but a nodding smiling bystander who cant pick a side and is too busy hyperfixating on good omens or other shit made by deplorable people to notice people being killed in the streets.

Exclusionists are abit better but often too have a flawed mindset. They are critical and skeptical and it keeps them from supporting bad people which is good. They often keep a vigilant eye to make sure they know what they are consuming and arnt willing to let a single one of them get away with x-phobic behavior, that is, only in one place and thats aphobia. They often are too critical and are set in their mindsets convinced that anyone new is a traitor and they can only really ever trust their friends. Thats sad cause it means they've been hurt before by new comers, most likely more than twice. But being over critical can be a very dangerous path that usually starts edging on non-acceptance and into bigotry. Thats why its common amoungst transmeds and nbphobic people. Even though rare, can eventually lead towards incelic beliefs, all of it usually based on complete distrust of the individual in question and polical panic. Their paranoid and they lash out to hide it.

So your probably one way or the other and look at me and go " well lefty, your critisim is correct but if neither side is truely correct than what should i be?" The answer is to be factual and critical within reason and still be a good open-minded and kind person. There is a golden median but everyone is so passionate, facts dont see the light of day or are only shown on one side. If your offended by what im saying, your scared and distrusting. Ive been in both communties for a nearly equal long amount of time and i know pretty much how they function. Its cool if you arent ready to accept the toxicity of both of them and you laugh at this old cooke for being stupid cause your obviously 100% correct but you'd only be proving me right.

Both sides have inherent flaws and to ignore them is ignorance. But that's the thing. Everyone is so wrapped on if x group Really belongs here or not that nothing is changing. No one will step away and ask how to fix it. Its the same stupid arguement repetitively and usually results in the same stupid way. Someone says something outright bigoted or pointing out a flaw in the othersides logic and then someone completely ignores them only to point at them, not face the person but instead their followers and usually follow up with one of 4 responces. 1. A meme and nothing but shock, 2. A non-refute other than stating their opinion in a dif, bigger or colored tumblr font, 3. An actual informed responce with no sources or 4. Someone repeating something they read somewhere else with broken/unrelated links and opinionated guilt tripping and manipulating speech.

Its all about being cool to their followers and showing their full rainbow of rage to their rivals. If they appear unapproachable, uncaring and cool, people will be too afraid to approach them for fear of being shut down. They are popular but not because of them but because they reinforce the beliefs of a majority of their audience. They only like you because you are a safe place for their opinions and you are an echo. Your the cave walls that say exactly what they say and they like you. Once they hear too many things they disagree with, they will leave you. They will drop you like a hot potato. I know this feeling. I lived it bitch.

The way i see it, i have the most followers i have anywhere here. Upwards of 400. If they were to drop to 10 overnight, i would be confused and maybe a little sad but overall? Id still carry my own damn opinions and keep making posts like i always have. I dont want a false audience, even if it means more people. My opinions are my own and even though its really nice and validating to see that bit of what i feel is clarity beyond the tumblr haze of people with similar opinions, i still feel confedient enough in my own beliefs that even if they werent there, id still carry on. I want to be honest here. I wont pretend to like, support, hate or slander something just because its popular. Im old enough and mature enough to not give into to tumblr peer pressure. Many people do and that's why we see them lose themselves. I did at some point. But even though a mix of lesbian content and political opinions arent popular, its still what i wanted from this blog.

I post what i want to post and say what i want to say and im confedient enough in my opinions, beliefs and self that i dont rely on others to tell me how to feel. Thats not to say that im not open minded and vigilant to important issues that do not effect me such as racism, anti-semitism, transmysogny, biphobia, etc but it dosent mean i cant relate, understand and help dismantle the belief systems that people like me on this axis of oppression have created and be sure not to contribute to them.

In the end be vigilant and critical but dont be so lost in the negative you cant be kind and understanding.

[cedarrrun]

I’m a Federal Inmate: This Is How Yoga Philosophy Is Helping Me Navigate My Future

https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/im-a-federal-inmate-this-is-how-yoga-philosophy-is-helping-me-navigate-my-future Neal Goyal was riding on a wave of success after starting his own hedge fund at 24—until his lies caused investors to lose $10 million. Now in prison, he explains how the Purusharthas, or the four aims of life, are helping him make sense of his crime.

Imagine this: Everything is going as planned. You’ve found your life’s purpose, or your dharma, and you start working toward a goal that gives you both internal and external fulfillment. You know your purpose, and you’re taking steps to fulfill your mission.

This was me about five years ago.

Before I came to prison.

So, how did I end up in prison?

From Dharma to Deceit I grew up in an Indian family, where principles of modesty, humility, and honesty were at the forefront of every decision made. In my teenage years, I fell in love with the stock market; I was intrigued by its complexity. At that time, it wasn’t about becoming wealthy, but pursuing a path I was truly passionate about. Which is how, at age 24, I launched my own hedge fund. I knew my life’s purpose. It was to apply my interests and talents to help others achieve financial security.

See also Find Your Purpose Using Shraddha + Dharma

After I opened the doors of my firm, things began to change. I found myself focusing more on my growing fund and the potential riches that would follow. My mindset shifted beyond my original purpose, and I morphed into a self-centered perfectionist with an ego-driven attitude. When my firm generated its first-ever quarterly loss, I considered it a complete failure. While the loss was minimal, my first instinct was to protect my ego. I believed I would squander my status as a whiz-kid and lose respect in the eyes of those who believed in me. And while that was likely untrue, I did the unthinkable: I manipulated the results I reported to investors by covering up that loss.

I believed I would rectify the problem in future periods, but the reality was an ensuing period of deceit, where I forged one lie after another. Eventually, investors lost $10 million because of my dishonesty.

In prison, I reconnected with my soul’s purpose

I will forever carry guilt for my actions. After I was incarcerated, this guilt weighed on me to the point where I felt paralyzed by depression, self-directed anger, and a feeling of being lost. I knew that I needed to reevaluate every aspect of my life, and reconnect with my soul’s purpose.

I picked up a couple modern interpretations of the Bhagavad Gita, and I found tremendous value in yoga philosophies that helped achieve inner peace and satisfaction with oneself. I wanted so badly to become at peace with my past actions so I could move forward in my path of redemption, atone for my actions, and make amends with those I affected. I wanted to feel inner harmony, comfort in my own skin, and have confidence in my ability to pursue a positive life trajectory.

In studying these Gita translations and reading yoga philosophy, I learned how simple it was to give my life a reset.

How the Purusharthas Helped Me Find Inner Harmony While I still have a long road ahead in my desire for reconciliation, I have found basic yoga philosophy to be highly valuable in guiding the balance I seek in my life. Here’s how the Purusharthas, or the four aims of life, helped me make sense of my crime—and work toward attaining more balance in my life.

See also Finding Your Soul’s Purpose: The Four Purusharthas

1. Dharma. Dharma refers to your purpose in life. It’s how you sustain your life in a positive fashion, providing peace for your family and being a contributor to society. Our lives possess multiple layers of dharma, where we identify a defined purpose for everything we do.

After I committed my crime, I felt as if I had lost my purpose. I began to focus only on protecting my own ego and hiding from failure. By losing focus on my life’s purpose, I veered so far away from my original goals that they no longer felt achievable. During this time in prison, I have learned that my life’s purpose has become about giving back to society, being a supportive husband, and a role model to my three young children. My dharma has also become about correcting my wrongs, and navigating a path that eventually leads to making amends with those I affected.

See also Find Balance with the Four Aims of Life

2. Artha. Artha refers to the material comfort you need to support your life’s mission. This comes in the form of material possessions and knowledge needed to carry out our dharma. Thinking back to my life before prison, I can see that as each year went by I became greedier, chasing everything I could not have. I was highly ambitious and achieved lofty goals I set for myself. But instead of satisfaction in attaining those goals, I just wanted more. My desire for endless riches, fancy cars, and a fat wallet saw no end.

Now that I have lost every single material possession I once had, I realize how truly little we need to be comfortable. Ultimately, my Artha has been redefined to the basic necessities I need to take care of my family, and carry out my life’s purpose.

3. Kama. Kama refers to the desire for pleasure. Human behavior is often driven by Kama, which is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, everyone wants to enjoy the pleasures in life, no matter what form they take. However, too much Kama can lead to overindulgence, greed, and addiction.

Fueled by my growing ego, I became addicted to money. Instead of seeing a humble person in the mirror like I did during my childhood, I envisioned dollar signs that would buy me the image I wanted to see. Everything in my life was an overindulgence. There was no limit to what I wanted, and my desires were out of control. Now, having realized that greed was the source of my reckless behavior, I have reset my definition of Kama. Yes, I will always want to enjoy life’s pleasures and give my family the opportunity to enjoy them, too. But in doing so, I need to be mindful—and continually redefine the meaning of this pleasure.

4. Moksha. Moksha refers to a form of liberation that results from living a dharmic life. It is what offers you the deepest sense of your own inner freedom. Moksha’s reference to “freedom” has a much more literal interpretation for me, given where I am right now. While I have been incarcerated for three years—and have three more to go—the reality is that my mind had been trapped for many years before that in a self-imposed prison created by my web of dishonesty. As a result, no matter how many other great things were happening in my life, like starting my beautiful family, I was still haunted by the unethical hole I’d dug myself into.

Now, despite my current confinement, I have identified my dharma and know the new purpose of my life. I see that I am on a path to Moksha—a true inner freedom achieved by my soul’s fulfillment.

I have an incredibly long way to go in giving back to society all that I have taken. While there was a period in my life that led me far off course, these yogic concepts have helped me understand that in order to achieve inner peace, I need to embrace and understand my life’s purpose.

When I’m released from prison, I know I will be faced with a world of uncertainty. However, I know that as long as I abide by the principles of my own dharma and maintain life balance as prescribed by the Purusharthas, I will be able to navigate the unknowns that lie on my path ahead.

[sarahburness]

Why I’m No Longer Hiding Behind My Privilege and My Spirituality

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ~Anne Frank

We’re all just spiritual beings, bumbling along in human bodies, trying to make our way.

Trying to find the delicate balance between living in a physical world and embracing our higher selves.

In my quest for spiritual enlightenment, I learned how to narrow my focus. I learned to tune out the noisy Facebook newsfeed, I don’t watch the news, and I avoid saying things just for the sake of controversy.

For a while, this worked. As my vibe rose, I started living a life more fulfilled and happy. Whenever people around me got hung up on the latest news story, I was content to basically plug my ears and say “nanananana not listening” and go back to my abundance-minded podcasts and books.

I meant well, I really did; my feeling was that if I were to just focus on the problem, then I was only adding to the noise and not helping the world find a solution.

I didn’t want to just shout at what I’m against, so I didn’t shout at all.

But then, Charlottesville happened.

Full disclosure, I’m a white, English-speaking, thirty-something woman living in Canada. I was tempted to do what I’d been doing when it came to the news—avoid googling it and getting the full story. I didn’t want to “add to the bad vibes.”

But for some reason, I felt a pull to understand this one and I could barely stop myself from typing “what happened in Charlottesville” into Google.

I was horrified at what I saw, needless to say.

Let me back up a bit.

As a white woman, I’ve been somewhat self-conscious in spreading an abundance-mindset message. For a long time, I thought, “Who am I to even talk about this, when life has clearly been much easier for me than for some others?”

I was very aware of my white privilege, and it made me self-conscious. I was scared of the backlash I might (rightfully?) receive if I were to spout things like, “You can create your own reality!” on social media.

“What do you know about real life, middle-class white girl?” I was afraid they’d say. “Must be easy for you to say!”

Because, although I’ve certainly had hardships, my life has been pretty charmed compared to others who grew up homeless, or in abusive situations.

So back to Charlottesville. I felt an uncontrollable pull to understand more thoroughly what happened here. Why, all of a sudden, a group of white supremacists felt it was okay to gather and spread their hate. The KKK marched with no masks—just let that sink in for a second.

The things I was feeling went against everything I’d been practicing in my effort to achieve a higher state of enlightenment.

I was angry. I was ashamed. I hurt for my fellow humans, particularly Heather Heyer and her family.

This time, I couldn’t just “not have an opinion on it.” I couldn’t just bury my head and act like ignorance is bliss. I couldn’t choose not to participate in the human experience.

I realized that I could use my white privilege one of two ways: to contribute to the problem, or to the solution.

To say nothing and ignore it would be to invoke my white privilege in favor of the problem.

Because let’s face it, I am privileged in that I could just bury my head in the sand, and it probably wouldn’t affect my daily life. Nobody would shout hurtful racial slurs at me, simply because they feel empowered to. I don’t ever worry that I got turned away for a job because of my ethnicity.

Spirituality is a beautiful thing, but not when it causes us to turn a blind eye to the experience of our fellow humans, under the guise that they somehow “attracted” it.

Because even if that’s true, does that make them any less deserving of our support and compassion? Of course not.

The problem is, fighting against something just makes it bigger and gives it more power. So how can we affect real change?

I don’t have all the answers, but here’s the beauty I see coming from all this:

The victims of these hate crimes died for a reason bigger than themselves, and not in vain.

The world is at a crucial boiling point that would never have been reached if these people didn’t feel empowered to show their true colors.

All the hatred is coming out, and while it would be better if it didn’t exist at all, this is actually a good thing, because you can’t have real equality when the problem is swept under the rug.

It’s caused me (and countless others in privileged positions) to check themselves and question their beliefs and behavior.

More people than ever are using their voices to make the world a safer, and more compassionate place.

You don’t have to sit and stew in the problem with those affected in order to show your support. I’m not saying you have to put all your energy into fighting against the problem. You don’t have to feel guilty for being white (if you are too), and nobody’s accusing you of being a racist.

But we can have each other’s backs.

Simple things make a difference. Like actually listening and believing someone when they talk about their experiences, instead of shrugging them off because they’re “being dramatic” or “too sensitive.”  Telling your family or friends when they make an insensitive (and so not funny) joke. Catching yourself when you make snap judgments about someone based on their ethnicity and shifting your behavior as needed.

We’re all doing the best with what we have, and compassion goes a long way.

Real equality (and not just on paper, while minorities continue to be treated like underlings) is on the way. Let’s continue to be the change.

About Shelsey Jarvis

Shelsey is an online business mindset coach for woo-curious female entrepreneurs. She loves singing (and not just in the shower), and I loooooves a glass of wine at the end of the day with her two kids and husband. Get a free eight-minute money mindset meditation at leftbrainedhippie.com/money-mantras.

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The post Why I’m No Longer Hiding Behind My Privilege and My Spirituality appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-im-no-longer-hiding-behind-my-privilege-and-spirituality/

[cedarrrun]

Neal Goyal was riding on a wave of success after starting his own hedge fund at 24—until his lies caused investors to lose $10 million. Now in prison, he explains how the Purusharthas, or the four aims of life, are helping him make sense of his crime.

Imagine this: Everything is going as planned. You’ve found your life’s purpose, or your dharma, and you start working toward a goal that gives you both internal and external fulfillment. You know your purpose, and you’re taking steps to fulfill your mission.

This was me about five years ago.

Before I came to prison.

So, how did I end up in prison?

From Dharma to Deceit

I grew up in an Indian family, where principles of modesty, humility, and honesty were at the forefront of every decision made. In my teenage years, I fell in love with the stock market; I was intrigued by its complexity. At that time, it wasn’t about becoming wealthy, but pursuing a path I was truly passionate about. Which is how, at age 24, I launched my own hedge fund. I knew my life’s purpose. It was to apply my interests and talents to help others achieve financial security.

See also Find Your Purpose Using Shraddha + Dharma

After I opened the doors of my firm, things began to change. I found myself focusing more on my growing fund and the potential riches that would follow. My mindset shifted beyond my original purpose, and I morphed into a self-centered perfectionist with an ego-driven attitude. When my firm generated its first-ever quarterly loss, I considered it a complete failure. While the loss was minimal, my first instinct was to protect my ego. I believed I would squander my status as a whiz-kid and lose respect in the eyes of those who believed in me. And while that was likely untrue, I did the unthinkable: I manipulated the results I reported to investors by covering up that loss.

I believed I would rectify the problem in future periods, but the reality was an ensuing period of deceit, where I forged one lie after another. Eventually, investors lost $10 million because of my dishonesty.

In prison, I reconnected with my soul’s purpose

I will forever carry guilt for my actions. After I was incarcerated, this guilt weighed on me to the point where I felt paralyzed by depression, self-directed anger, and a feeling of being lost. I knew that I needed to reevaluate every aspect of my life, and reconnect with my soul’s purpose.

I picked up a couple modern interpretations of the Bhagavad Gita, and I found tremendous value in yoga philosophies that helped achieve inner peace and satisfaction with oneself. I wanted so badly to become at peace with my past actions so I could move forward in my path of redemption, atone for my actions, and make amends with those I affected. I wanted to feel inner harmony, comfort in my own skin, and have confidence in my ability to pursue a positive life trajectory.

In studying these Gita translations and reading yoga philosophy, I learned how simple it was to give my life a reset.

How the Purusharthas Helped Me Find Inner Harmony

While I still have a long road ahead in my desire for reconciliation, I have found basic yoga philosophy to be highly valuable in guiding the balance I seek in my life. Here’s how the Purusharthas, or the four aims of life, helped me make sense of my crime—and work toward attaining more balance in my life.

See also Finding Your Soul's Purpose: The Four Purusharthas

1. Dharma. Dharma refers to your purpose in life. It’s how you sustain your life in a positive fashion, providing peace for your family and being a contributor to society. Our lives possess multiple layers of dharma, where we identify a defined purpose for everything we do.

After I committed my crime, I felt as if I had lost my purpose. I began to focus only on protecting my own ego and hiding from failure. By losing focus on my life’s purpose, I veered so far away from my original goals that they no longer felt achievable. During this time in prison, I have learned that my life’s purpose has become about giving back to society, being a supportive husband, and a role model to my three young children. My dharma has also become about correcting my wrongs, and navigating a path that eventually leads to making amends with those I affected.

See also Find Balance with the Four Aims of Life

2. Artha. Artha refers to the material comfort you need to support your life’s mission. This comes in the form of material possessions and knowledge needed to carry out our dharma. Thinking back to my life before prison, I can see that as each year went by I became greedier, chasing everything I could not have. I was highly ambitious and achieved lofty goals I set for myself. But instead of satisfaction in attaining those goals, I just wanted more. My desire for endless riches, fancy cars, and a fat wallet saw no end.

Now that I have lost every single material possession I once had, I realize how truly little we need to be comfortable. Ultimately, my Artha has been redefined to the basic necessities I need to take care of my family, and carry out my life’s purpose.

3. Kama. Kama refers to the desire for pleasure. Human behavior is often driven by Kama, which is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, everyone wants to enjoy the pleasures in life, no matter what form they take. However, too much Kama can lead to overindulgence, greed, and addiction.

Fueled by my growing ego, I became addicted to money. Instead of seeing a humble person in the mirror like I did during my childhood, I envisioned dollar signs that would buy me the image I wanted to see. Everything in my life was an overindulgence. There was no limit to what I wanted, and my desires were out of control. Now, having realized that greed was the source of my reckless behavior, I have reset my definition of Kama. Yes, I will always want to enjoy life’s pleasures and give my family the opportunity to enjoy them, too. But in doing so, I need to be mindful—and continually redefine the meaning of this pleasure.

4. Moksha. Moksha refers to a form of liberation that results from living a dharmic life. It is what offers you the deepest sense of your own inner freedom. Moksha’s reference to “freedom” has a much more literal interpretation for me, given where I am right now. While I have been incarcerated for three years—and have three more to go—the reality is that my mind had been trapped for many years before that in a self-imposed prison created by my web of dishonesty. As a result, no matter how many other great things were happening in my life, like starting my beautiful family, I was still haunted by the unethical hole I’d dug myself into.

Now, despite my current confinement, I have identified my dharma and know the new purpose of my life. I see that I am on a path to Moksha—a true inner freedom achieved by my soul’s fulfillment.

I have an incredibly long way to go in giving back to society all that I have taken. While there was a period in my life that led me far off course, these yogic concepts have helped me understand that in order to achieve inner peace, I need to embrace and understand my life’s purpose.

When I’m released from prison, I know I will be faced with a world of uncertainty. However, I know that as long as I abide by the principles of my own dharma and maintain life balance as prescribed by the Purusharthas, I will be able to navigate the unknowns that lie on my path ahead.