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cattpile · 7 months ago

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post meet!

okay, so i just got home from my meet, it went okay, i got 6/9, really struggled with bench and got 2 red lights on my last deadlift attempt (soft lockout but it was not that heavy for me). just some initial thoughts, i am stoned so they might be all over the place: overall it was pretty fun, i definitely understand why people like competing. i had really strong squats bc i kept them super low since they have been a struggle lately, but everything felt super light and good there.

that gave me some confidence out the gate, which was nice.

then my bench opener was 57.5kg and it was ezpz, but i failed my next two, idk why exactly, just seemed like i didn't have it in me. my third attempt the bar bounced on my chest so it took ages to get the press command, and idk it just messed me up. i benched 140, failed 145 during my last heavy week, so maybe i already wasn't feeling confident, and my shoulder injury/hypermobility stuff is flaring up because i've been working so much and not standing. so that was definitely a factor, and it makes sense that i'd have a hard time. i had a harder time setting up in their rack and that played a factor. so lesson there is, stand more at work, keep up with pt exercises, and my bench will do better. and make sure i keep healthy boundaries with work and don't overwork myself.

i really want my bench to get better, but it's hard, it seems to be stagnating/getting worse. i was so close to really benching my bodyweight and now i feel like i'm further away, and im not sure why. probably stress from work and the above shoulder pain. i was feeling amazing about my bench in january, doing 145x2. I supposed it's not that big of a drop, it just sucks that it coincides with my first meet. but you win some, you lose some.

deadlifts honestly felt great, like i really wasn't worried about them at all, i am pretty confident in my deadlift these days. watching the videos back, while the lifts go up quickly and they're (mostly) well executed, i definitely was rushing my setup because of my nerves. to no one's surprise, i was kind gripping and ripping, which can bug my back, and isn't the best way to do the lift. so i think the best thing there is practice really. i just honestly didn't feel like i was rushing it all that much, but i really wasn't pulling slack enough. i think those bad habits will probably always creep up under times of anxiety (like right before a pr usually) if i keep practicing doing a thorough setup with heavier weights it will get easier to do. obvs.

honestly very proud of my deadlift, that is my best lift by far. and that weight felt so easy, it gets me super excited, like maybe i can actually lift more than that. so i will try and push myself when deadlifting a bit more and see what i can really do. though really, whatever i'm doing with my deadlift training seems to be working, so maybe i should just keep on keeping on.

so anyway, just some initial thoughts. i did have fun so i might do it again next year, but i didn't really see any other meets that i would want to do this year. garage gym competition is in a few weeks, but i don't feel energized to do that. i want to spend more time biking outside now that it's spring.

as far as future training goes, idk exactly, i still really love getting stronger, as long as my joints can keep up. would like to get leaner for the summer (in a healthy way). i have a couple programs kind of already ready to go, one is jeff nippard's powerbuilding 2 and the other is my usual stronger by science reps to failure bullshit. i know the sbs programming works for me, i have gotten way stronger since i started using it. but i was following powerbuilding this year when i was hitting those PRs, so who knows. what i think was going on there really is that i was stronger than i thought i was for a while, and i wasn't lifting heavy enough weight. i also think i made great gains from my last cycle in november, and i have been very consistent in my training since then. so really i don't think it came down to the programming. one thing that i love is overwarm singles, so i was adding that into his powerbuilding program for fun and (hopefully) gains and i want to keep doing that. i think that my peaking and rest time was just about right for this meet. i think if my shoulder had been in a better place i would have done better on bench.

either way i will probably just bike tomorrow, rest tuesday, and lift wednesday. by then i will likely have a feel for what i want to do programming-wise, and i'll get back to it. i think i will take a week or so off bench and shoulder stuff, and really focus on PT. i want to work on getting my squat deeper to protect my knee, which luckily doesn't feel bad post-meet.

i will probably write more later after i have had more time to think, for now i am going to puzzle and watch cozy vintage gaming youtube

#powerlifting #powerlifting women #drea talks

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pianorexic000 · 4 years ago

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Sweetspo Saturday

Hi y’all, so today is sweetspo Saturday.......

it speaks for itself. By the way, none of these are mine. I take no credit I have 0 creativity.

I dream of collarbones and thigh gaps, of hips jutting out and ribs just visible, casting shadows on porcelain flesh. I dream of crop tops and denim shorts, of thigh highs and sugar highs. And when I lay in bed at night, counting the calories of the day before my mind can’t help but wander, and I press into my doughy stomach, feel the hips hiding underneath, and remind myself how far I’ve come, and how far I still have to go.

Please listen, I know, I know it’s hard but listen, focus, you, you the most beautiful person on this whole entire planet you are going to make it, I promise you sweetheart, you’re going to make it. Think about it, think about how skinny you’ll be, how happy you will be, how you are going to be able to wear what you want, how you are going to be able to eat what you want and no one is going to make you feel bad for eating, no one. They’re going to be jealous, so fucking jealous, jealous of how you look and how you feel. They’re going to envy you. So stand up, keep your pretty head up and go. Exercise, drink water, eat less, eat healthy, sleep, do yoga, dance around. Get skinny and be finally happy. Please be finally happy.

You’ve been so disappointed in yourself lately. You’ve cursed those girls with a fast metabolism and regretted so much, sweetie. Countless of times you’ve thought, planned and wished to be skinny. I know you want this so badly, honey. But it’s never going to be given to you, sugar. You have to work for it and make yourself proud! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

I know you’re very impatient with your weight-loss. You want to lose it NOW and would do anything to wake up tomorrow at you ugw. But that’s never going to happen, doll. It’ll take time, but you will get there, sweetie. You just have to be persistent and never give up. The road is very long, and there will be days where it’ll feel hopeless, angel. But i promise you that those days where you feel incredibly sexy and comfortable in your own skin are just around the corner. You’ll get there baby, but it’ll take time. So don’t beat yourself up.

You’ll look good in everything; you remember that bikini with the cute print? yes, you’ll look beautiful in it. you won’t look like a fat pig.

people will be jealous; they’ll envy you. you’ll become thinner while others are getting fatter.

you’ll be dainty; you’ll be the lightest in the room. everyone will be able to pick you up effortlessly.

others will compliment you; people will look at you and say “wow, have you lost weight?” “you look great!” “i wish i looked like you.”

you won’t be able to keep more than a cup of food down; you’ve trained your body, you and your body both know its limits.

you’ll have power; you can can control how you look, you’ll have control. self control instead of eating everything in sight. you’ll be proud when you refuse a chocolate bar someone is offering.

are you going to keep saying “i’ll do it tomorrow”

or are you going to start today?

you’ll get there sweetie, make them regret the day they dare call you fat; they’ll start talking GOOD behind your back; “she is losing so much weight omg” “ i wanna look like her.” “im so jealous of her tiny waist.”

make it happen, you cause the gain of weight

and the loss of weight.

It's Okay!

You were really bad this weekend weren’t you? You ate fatty food and cheated on your diet? I know you bash yourself for pushing yourself further from your goal, but it was just Easter and you were enjoying spending time with your family. Unfortunately that included eating. Thin is all you think about cutie, why would you stuff your face uncontrollably like that, sugar? You can’t stop now, i know it’s hard but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Meanspo

Dear You,

You’ve grown up being the “big” girl. You’ve grown up being the “I want seconds” girl. You entered college being the “let’s eat out because it’s easier” girl.

When will you be the “I eat healthy” girl? The “people can pick me up” girl? The “I love my body” girl?

Today? Oh, right, you say tomorrow. Funny, that’s what you said yesterday.

It’s YOUR fault you’re fat. You don’t control your fatty urges to binge and stuff your face. One day, you’ll regret that. And that day is TODAY. If you regret it, then make a change. Skip that meal. Eat less calories. Exercise and burn what you have consumed and stored from your past pathetic eating habits. Get rid of your fatty urges. BECOME SKINNY��Become beautiful. Because if you don’t start today, you’ll only hate yourself tomorrow… again.

Do it. Do it so you can wear cute short shorts without everyone looking at your thighs and being disgusted.

Do it for that bitch who always called you fat at middle school.

Do it for that fuckboy who never looked at you as girlfriend potencial.

Do it so you can be confident.No seriously you’ll never be confident with that big tummy dude.

Do it so you don't ALMOST DIE in fitting rooms.

Do it for the cute clothes.

Do it for the summer.

Do it for the pool parties and how all of your friends will be SHOOK at your perfect body.

Do it for that life little baby. You deserve it. You deserve so much happiness.

Imagine you’re sitting at your desk in your perfectly decorated bedroom. You’re doing school work (all A’s of course), and since the lighting is good, you stop studying for a second and take a selfie.

You notice your collarbones are perfectly peaking out, and your chest bones are slightly visible. You have no makeup on but you still look absolutely gorgeous. Your flawless skin (that you got from not eating junk food all the time) looks great on your camera. Your thin arms look especially toned in this picture, and your smile is unforgettable.

You decide to post it to Instagram, and it instantly gets likes and comments saying how gorgeous you look. You want to keep studying…but the amount of likes and attention is distracting!

You think to yourself “Amazing how my life has changed. 30lbs ago I barely got 30 likes. My grades were bad and I had horrible acne…it’s so great what being thin can do to a person”

One day I won’t have to suck in

One day I’ll sit down and not have belly rolls

One day my thighs won’t touch

One day I’ll be able to see my ribs

One day I’ll step on the scale and smile

One day I’ll be able to smile at my protruding collar bones

One day I’ll wear the clothes I want

One day I’ll be confident

One day I’ll be skinny

do it for the boy who leaves your snapchats at read. imagine how quickly he’ll reply when he sees how good you look in your new body. do it for the girls you envy, the girls who show up in crop tops and short shorts whilst you hide behind a baggy sweater. imagine how proud you’ll feel when you can finally wear what you want and look just as good, if not better than them. do it for the people who bullied you about your weight and the boys who turned you down because of it. watch them gawk and whisper among themselves at how much weight you’ve lost. do it for the mean girls, the ones that walk around school like they own the place, the ones who’s parties you never get invited to, the ones that all the boys want. prove yourself to them. soon they’ll notice you and you’ll be too proud to care. own your new found confidence, throw your own parties, feel wanted. do it for the boy you’ve been crushing on since the first time you met. make him want you just as you wanted him. laugh at yourself as he chases after you. watch him suffer just as you did. do it for the bikini you’ve never had the body to wear. make your old self proud. wear that bikini. finally feel good in it. go to the beach and the pool and show it off. it belongs on you. do it for yourself. do it for your own happiness and do it right now. you deserve this. it might take some time and maybe you’re growing impatient. but it’s okay, everything good takes time. so be safe, stay strong, and don’t give up. this will be worth the wait. trust me.

I literally cannot fucking wait until I’m thin. I can’t wait to not feel like the outsider in my friend group. I can’t wait to not feel like the ugly friend. I can’t wait to be as thin as my best friend and for people to not see me as a charity case. I can’t wait to be able to go shopping and not worry about what will hide my fat. I can’t wait to see my collarbones and feel great in shorts. I can’t wait to be able to post selfies confidently from any angle and get as many likes as all the thin girls from school. I can’t wait to be someone else’s thinspo. I can’t wait to be happy with myself. I can’t wait to be thin.

Okie lovey, I know you might have had a rough couple of days or maybe you’ve been doing everything right and you just need a little pick me up. That’s okay too. I’m here for you, maybe not there physically but I’m still here. Make some tea, and take a bath; while you’re in there light a few candles and take time for yourself. Paint your nails read a book or simply think about bettering yourself. You’re almost there, I’m so excited for you! I’m going to be there when you cross that finish line (UGW). Finished with tea? Are you hungry? No. Exactly, chin up sweetheart, you got this. I love you

10 Reasons I want to be Thin

1. A flat stomach looks so good in anything. 2. No more armpit fat. 3. Finally have a thigh gap (again). 4. Feel beautiful and in control 5. people you already know will ask you how you did it, new people you meet will fall in love with you. 6. Go on adventures and have fun without worrying about your fat jiggling around. 7. Tan outside or at the lake without wanting to die because you’re too fat for a bikini. 8. Going out to parties and making friends because you’re confident and beautiful. 9. Not wanting to cry every time you see your full body in a mirror/ reflection. 10. Not crying in general anymore. Finally being happy.

11 Reasons Why I'm Doing This

1. To be the skinny friend

2. So I can be lifted up and be called light

3. To wear anything and still look cute

4. To have pretty bones to show off

5. To hear those words; ‘Have you lost weight?’

6. To not feel guilty when having a sweet treat (occasionally!)

7. To wear tight jeans and not have a muffin top

8. To not want to cry every time I look in the mirror

9. To not feel embarrassed in a bikini or swimsuit

10. To sit on someone’s lap without fear of crushing them

11. To finally feel happy with myself

They are in the kitchen making dinner. It smells so good, and all you want to do is have some. But would that make you happy? Would that food actually do anything for you? Sure, it would taste good. But as soon as you swallow, it would be gone. You’d take a drink of water, and the taste would wash away. Five minutes of fun, and then you’d be full. Full of food, regret, hate, shame, and disgust. Today would be yet another day wasted. So go ahead, eat the food. Be the fat tub of lard you always have been. Or don’t. Don’t eat the food. Be a day closer to your goal.

The choice is yours.

#sweetspo #proana #anorexia #edthings

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boywivlove · 4 years ago

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| Title | Lost My Way |

| Pairing | Min Yoongi x Reader

| Word Count | 1K

| Genre | Pianist AU, fluff, slight romantic moments, slight angst

| Summary | Min Yoongi was a rising prodigy in the pursuit of his career as a musician, but after a car accident his hands are left with severe injuries. It takes years for him to find his way again, and he will never give up his dream, no matter what life throws at him.

| Warnings | descriptions of accidents and injuries.

| AN | My second drabble for the `BTS Bingo Collaboration` with `ficswithluv` and I’m really glad to get this out!! Im going to be posting a lot more drabbles in the weeks to come !

----- “Even if Im slow, I will walk with my own feet Because I know this path is mine to take. Even if I go back, I will reach this path Eventually I will never I will never lose my dream” ----

If you asked Min Yoongi before graduation, where he thought he would be in two years, it wouldn't be here. He would have answered that he would have liked to be training with the Seoul Philharmonic Orchestra, having been offered a place with them straight after graduation. He never could have guessed he would be sitting in a physiotherapy clinic , his hands barely able to hold a pen, all because of a head on collision with a drunk driver. But fate has a weird way of messing with people's lives, doesn't it?

He hadn't always liked piano, in fact, up until he was 15, he had never touched a key. Yoongi had grown up streetwise, not classically trained. But during a summer school program, he thought what the hell and took it as an elective. It was either that or track… no thanks. Yoongi was quick to learn how to play, his teacher noting that he was the quickest student to learn the ins and outs of playing. After he had been given the confidence to play, he had started to pride himself on his dedication to his skills, and to have it taken away from him because of one stupid, selfish ass hole… it burned him. It made him angry. He was supposed to make something of his life, to be recognised for his skill and get off the streets.

The crash happened one night in June, he had stayed late to practice for his upcoming exam. The driver sped right through a red light, and right into the front of Yoongi's car, he couldn't remember exactly how he got to the hospital, but they said he was lucky to be alive, his head had been split open upon impact, his face and body had been scraped by the glass from the windshield. But the injury that he felt the most were his hands, severely impacted by nerve damage, when he first woke up he had thought they had been amputated, not being able to feel them at all. The doctors had said there was a 40% chance he would be able to control them again, but it wasn't 100%. And to Yoongi, that wasn't enough.

“How are you feeling Yoongi?” He didn't look up to address you, but he nodded his head in acknowledgement. You were the newest in a string of physiotherapists assigned to help Yoongi try and work through his injuries. The others Yoongi had driven away from his outbursts of anger. You were younger than the others, only a year or so older than him, and he had to admit you were pretty to look at. And you hadn't asked for a replacement therapist for him yet, it had been 6 months and you still stayed with him. Yoongi was grateful, even if he had a hard time showing it.

It wasn't that Yoongi didn't want to get better, he wanted nothing more than to be able to use his hands again, but at the same time, he was tired of trying and getting nowhere. He was angry.

He hated that what happened happened to him, after he had worked too hard to get to where he was. He would never, ever get an opportunity like that again, it wasn't just his slot in the symphony and his ability to play he lost, his friends, he had eventually pushed them away one by one. He couldn't stand the sympathetic way they spoke to him, giving him advice they found on google on how he could get his hands back to the way they were. What the fuck would they know about anything. The only person he seemed to open up with was you, you didn't push him, but you did challenge him to do the exercises.

The therapy was slow, infuriatingly so. It was like no matter what he did or how much he tried, he was incapable of the simplest of things. His writing looked like chicken scratch, he would barely grip onto anything without dropping it, even getting dressed took twice as long and made his hands ache,

“You've made some great progress in the last year, I know it's not as much as you want it to be, but progress is progress.”

It was a slow process, painstakingly slow. But after months of you challenging Yoongi with the physiotherapy, Yoongi could finally see some progress. He could write his name in a somewhat presentable way, he could fully grasp anything without it aching, but he would hold things slightly. It even hurt less to button up his shirt in the morning. You were so proud of Yoongi for sticking at it and trying as much as he can muster. The whole reason you took this job was to help people get their lives back on track, and to see Yoongi smile when he was able to do something with his hands made it all worth it.

You had decided to pay Yoongi a visit today instead of being cooped up in the clinic for hours, there was no reason you couldn't do his exercises at home afteral. Yoongi had given you a spare key to let yourself in, and had told you the flat number that was his. You had brought him some lunch from a bakery you remember him saying was his favourite place to go after practice.

Fiddling with the key in the lock you made your way inside and set the lunch on the kitchen table. You heard a soft off key melody being played in the next room, re must have not heard you enter. Making your way slowly to the door, you spot him sitting at his piano, his hands tentatively playing the keys. You could see the concentration that was etched onto his features, and the shaking of his hands. It was a serene moment that you loved to see with him, but it was cut short when you heard another off key moment, and his hands slammed into the keys, causing him to cry out. You rushed over to where he was in an instant, afraid he had hurt himself, he seemed to only then notice you as he let you inspect his shaking hands.

“You know better Yoongi, no straining your muscles!” You look over his hands, gently turning them over in your own.

“Whats the point of trying to get better if Im NOT getting better, what the fuck am I suposed to do! I'm no closer than I was when all this shit first happened!”

Your heart went out to him, it really did. You knew Yoongi's background from your little conversations during your sessions. You knew where he'd come from and how hard he'd trained and worked for this chance.

“That's not true, you've made great progress, a year ago you couldn't even pick up a pen, let alone play the piano like you just did . Yoongi I know it's hard, but a big part of recovery is the patience and time you put into it. It's not an overnight thing. You know that..”

He said nothing, just breathing through the numb feeling he now felt in his hands. He nodded slowly and looked up at you, your hands still holding his own.

“What if it never goes away… Y/N what if everything I've worked for can never come true, and I'm stuck with a bunch of what ifs for the rest of my life….”

“Is that what you're most afraid of?”

He nodded, his shoulders shaking slightly. “I've worked so hard… I've put so much energy into this, I can't imagine doing anything else…”

“Yoongi, I know you can do this, you just need to give it time. And I know you're gonna get back on your feet, and you're gonna get over this… you've just got to give it time.”

He was nervous. He was so fucking nervous. It had taken him years after the accident to get here. Watching just off the stage as the audition before he finished up, he was good, his melodies were flawless. Yoongi had to commend him on his steady hand. Looking at his own, he was full of doubt. He wasn't sure he would be good enough to do this audition.

He walks out in a daze. The nape of his neck started to feel hot. He introduces himself, and he takes his place on the bench. He swallows, and looks out to the crowd. It was then he saw you enter quietly, taking a seat in the empty isle. You came. He suddenly thought of everything you'd said to him through his recovery, the promises of staying by his side, the encouraging smiles when he started practising again. Even when his sessions were over, you still stayed in touch with him and encouraged him even more. It wasn't until the judges panel motioned for him to start that he gave his hands a small squeeze.

Life hasn't been easy for him recently. Everything had changed for him. It was a slow process. But he's here, he made it.

One step forward, two steps back. He'd never lost his ambition, it was just buried under fear and doubt. But now, he was ready to reach his dreams, and he had you as his light in dark times to guide him.

#ficswithluv #fwlbingo2020 #bulletproof bingo #btsbookclub #armysource #hyunglinenetwork #bangtanscenery #bangtanarmynet #min yoongi #min yoongi imagine #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagine #yoongi drabble #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts imagine #bts #min yoongi au

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fairycosmos · 4 years ago

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Hi... I don’t know if you saw my last post, it’s ok if you didn’t, i just want to vent. (I was the closeted person who said they might move in with their grandma if I can’t go back to San Francisco). I visited her today. I realized there’s no way I can move in there. Her (now dead) husband was very abusive and inappropriate towards me. I forgot that she would have photos of him on the walls. She kept taking about him too. It was very triggering for me. :( there’s no way I can do it.

hey yeah god i just scrolled and saw your message, im so sorry i didn’t get back to you sooner !! and that you’re being put in this situation in the first place like fuck dude 😞 i honestly cant imagine how painful this must be right now 😞 i dont blame you at all for not being able to handle living there, like you literally shouldn’t have to?? it’s a site of trauma AND you deserve much more than having to deal with a homophobe every day, seriously. it’s fucked up that your grandma would keep bringing him up. god. i can definitely relate to that. family bonds are just so unbelievably toxic and suffocating at times. you said in your other ask that you could stay with your mum but i understand why that’s not ideal either, however i really don’t think there’s any shame in prioritizing your mental health and safety above all else. even if neither option is exactly preferred. COVID really does have all of us fucked up, especially when it comes to planning our futures or moving around our countries, because there’s just no way to know how things are going to turn out. so i promise it’s alright not to have a plan and to process anger, sadness, disappointment etc at the situation, it’s completely natural. this is going to be a long and arduous period of adjustment in which obstacles are to be expected, both personally and generally. as long as you try your best not to internalize these negative feelings in a way that harms or blames you, then you’re doing better than you realize. instead, i think practicing small but positive coping mechanisms every day and building your routine around them could really help - finding a happy place, meditating, breathing exercises, venting to friends/a hotline/a professional, writing. these aren’t solutions or anything, just ways to alleviate the heaviness. you truly do not have to go through this alone, and it’s not going to be this way forever, alright? you’ll find your new normal again. regardless of what your mind tells you or of how stressed you get, you are worth the world and your past/your abusive family members do not change that fact. i promise. as a side note, i’m wondering if theres any friends you can stay with, or any rooms currently up for rent in your area? i totally understand if you don’t have the funds or the resources etc, but if it’s something you could look into i’d really recommend it, just to have your own space and peace of mind. but if not and if you’re going to be staying with your mum for a while, maybe you could save up for a mattress and start making adjustments/room for yourself so that you’re more comfortable there. idk what your dynamic is like with your mum, but you deserve to feel safe and to have a place to live while the pandemic plays out. it’s totally understandable that you’re completely overwhelmed and that you feel like you’re at your wits end right now. you’ve been through so much and had to deal with stuff no one should ever have to deal with, and i mean it in the least patronizing way when i say i’m v proud of you for being here to send this. your grandmother can fuck off❤️ whatever you need, for your own growth and mental stability, whatever that looks like - it’s possible to find. even if it doesn’t happen all at once. im sending you a lot of love, i really hope you can sort something out that works for you. if you need a friend please dont hesitate to hmu. i’ll be here. take it one day at a time love x

#anon

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purelafemme · 4 years ago

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Mid 2020 reflections

The older I grow, the more important I realize it is to extend myself grace, and to practice patience. All the pieces of my life will come together. This pandemic has taught me to be still.

A few days ago I woke up in a grumpy mood. Over the last few months, some days will go by and I will feel fine. Others, not too hot. Recently, I decided to practice a tip from one of the former therapists. I took the time to “check in” with myself and pinpoint all the reasons I was feeling so out of tune.

A big reason for this “out-of-tuneness” is coming from my job. I don’t feel as connected and engaged to my work, as I would imagine it would be if we were in the office. Its difficult for me to focus and relax in my room. All my life I have struggled with performance anxiety, which has become heightened due to my experience in the AEA program. Teleworking has blurred the lines between my home life and my work life, making it difficult for my brain to separate the two. Also, I feel cramped and restricted due to the lack of independence and freedom I am experiencing living in my parents house. I miss my freedom and independence of living in my own apartment. I’m going to stay here until January to try and save more money (at least $8,000). Just like I felt with Morgan back in fall of 2017, I can feel that I have outgrown living in my parents house and living in Baltimore. It’s time for a new beginning and a fresh start. I don’t want the pandemic to prevent me from pushing back my plans further, or allow it to cause time to get away from me. It’s important that I take this step towards moving out for me.

A second reason propelling my dismay comes from a realization that I had realized over the past weekend. I have a strong tendency to over give in a lot of the relationships I have. I went out of my way to plan something to do with my estranged friendship group from middle school, and I am not too pleased with how it went. In Boston, I didn’t have many friends nor did I engage in many social activities. One of the reasons I wanted to return back to this area is so I could hang out with my friends and resume social activities again. Earlier this summer, I started putting a lot of energy into hanging out and doing things with and for my friends. But after these two-three years of me being away, I’ve realized that some of my friend groups/dynamics are not the same. Honestly, I feel like a big part of the reason why I started hanging out a lot with my friends is because since my love life is not going the way that I want it to, I want to keep people around me a lot to avoid feeling lonely, to mask the loneliness. But I want to shed those feelings and really take the time to get into myself. One of the reasons I delayed grad school was because I really wanted to take space for myself to develop myself (Develop myself spiritually, mentally--develop my fashion, my interests, my personality, knowledge). This has made me realize that I want and need to feel more comfortable being alone, which is another reason why I think living alone would be good for my personal growth. Additionally, even though things didn't work out the way I intended them to with my partner earlier this Spring, that situation has finally taught me, after 24 years of age (8 years of dating), how I deserve to be treated and what qualities I want in a partner. Given this, I think I need to now branch out and truly get comfortable with being alone. Over the last couple of years, I have struggled with being alone and I realized that I will go run to go hang out with people to avoid that feeling, or I will spend my time being alone and wishing I laid up with a nigga. I want to truly embrace the idea of just truly being alone, and being happy and content.

Sometimes I experience a weird sadness about me not following through with my previous academic plans, which causes me to feel like im a funk. I went to research conference today where my peers who have continued with their academic plans were present, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge bit of sad that I didn't continue mine. This month would have been the month I would be starting my PhD program if everything had went as planned. Although I realized this was not right for me, I am still kind of bummed in a weird way about it. I worked exceedingly hard and invested a lot of time and energy into this goal, and now that things haven't gone as planned and I have seemingly abandoned my PhD dreams, I feel a weird sense of sadness about it. I may be still interested in research, but honestly, I am not sure. From doing the AEA program twice, witnessing the AEA Climate Survey, surviving the Harvard program, and reading Claudia’s blog post, I feel kind an overwhelming sense of jadedness by this whole thing-- and now I cannot seem to make up my mind about an exact alternative career path or graduate degree. All I know is that I would really like to have a concrete plan once this job is over, because I am not getting any younger and I want to have security when it comes to my career goals by the time I approach my mid thirties.

Now that I have just written a list of reasons why I am in a funk because I am not where I wanna be, I want to take just as much time to reflect on all the reasons why I am proud of myself. I am very proud of myself for landing my current job opportunity. It took me over six months of applying to land my current position, and there was several times over the course of those months where I was bogged down with anxiety and self-doubt crept it! Literally the day I got the offer, I was laying in bed CRYING because it was April and my program was going to end in May and I hadn't secured a reasonable opportunity yet. My God is good, and he for sure came right on time. Of course, there are some days where my performance anxiety at work is on high, but really in those moments need to take a step back and praise him for granting me the opportunity to get a job in my field, with a nice salary, with nice people and meaningful, clear growth opportunities. I am so grateful, and I need to acknowledge this more as well as congratulate myself for this. Even though things didn’t go as planned with the whole PhD thing, I am EXACTLY where God wants me to be in my life, and that is a beautiful thing. I am proud of where I am, and I know this opportunity will give me the tools to make the best career decision for me moving forward. I am claiming it now. Honestly, this is my first time since I graduated undergrad where I feel like I can breathe.

I am also proud of myself for giving myself the space to develop ME for ME. There is so much other parts of life and myself that I want to explore, and now that I am no longer suffocated by the pressures of academia, I am excited to dive in ! I recently hired a trainer, and started my own business! Being in grad school is a huge educational investment that comes at a cost. The stress of that program didn't leave time for me to dedicate to other parts of my life, which I realized I did not like. My twenties are my formative years. So yeah, it does suck to have invested so much time in doing all those things to be a perfect PhD applicant and then to not even apply to PhD programs lol, but I am soo proud of myself for listening to my gut, taking a step out on faith and choosing a different direction! It wasn't an easy decision at first, but I am excited about where this side business will take me, and I am happy that this will be a chance for me to explore my artistic side more! I have always had this side to myself, but never fully dived into it because of the lack of time and resources. So I am proud of using this space and time to unlock a new side of myself. I also think there will be a lot of personal growth opportunities that will come from being a small business owner, which I have confidence I can tackle and that it will make me more mature, and help develop sounder financial practices ! :)

I am super proud of myself for taking charge of my health!!! My weight is something I have always struggled with since elementary school. I was never particularly fat, but I was never as skinny as people like my sister and my cousins. From a young age, I internalized a sense of being uncomfortable with my body, which has followed me into adulthood. However it wasn't until the later half of high school when I started to develop some health problems as a result of my poor diet and lifestyle habits. My period has been irregular since 2012-2013, which I am sure was triggered by the anxiety I faced from switching schools, eating predominantly restaurant food from working at Charlestown, and having a poor sleeping schedule. After four years or random, scattered periods, I got diagnosed with PCOS in 2016. In 2017 I turned 21. I started drinking alcohol a lot more, causing me that fall to weigh in at my biggest size ever--over 180 pounds. Since the middle of high school, my weight had always been in the 160-170s range. That spring, I was able to get serious about diet and exercise and shed some pounds due to my leave from school. However, over the past two years in the Harvard program, I have not been able to manage my weight properly, causing me to explode to the biggest size I have ever been--195.. And im not sure what’s going on with my hormone production now, but I know my gut is a hot mess. (This spring I just got diagnosed with IBS.) Since the pandemic started, I have tried to work out consistently and eat a balanced diet. However over the last five months I have not seen many changes in my body which has been disappointing. This week on impulse, I made the decision to hire a trainer-- this is going to be the first step towards making some serious lifestyle changes for me and I am excited to get into the best physical shape I have ever been in! Regardless of the number on the scale, I really want to do this for the improvement of my overall health. I want to develop a healthier relationship with food (stop binge eating/seeking food as comfort) and I also want to train myself to not only eat out of boredom, or because food is available. I know developing this habits will help me develop more discipline! Also, I think our bodies as humans are capable of so much, and I really want to treat my body good so I can get the best use out of it ! I want to learn how to swim, I want to build endurance and start running, I want to be able to sustain my own body weight, and become proficient at aerial yoga! Also, sometime in the future I want to have kids and before this happens I want to already be in shape and be in the position to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Being a mother is one of my biggest aspirations in my life ! I am hoping that this change to my lifestyle will support better hormonal health and regulate my menstrual cycle, which would actually help me get pregnant easier in the future. I am also tired of having all these stomach problems (indigestion, acid reflux, constipation, etc)--clearly something inside of me is inflamed and thats why I am having these issues. Overall, I am very proud of myself in taking these actions and I am excited to see how my body will look, how I will feel, and in what ways I can grow mentally and financially with my business !

One last reason why I am proud of myself is because I have been making small strides to become more money conscious. However, I know I can definitely improve in this area over the next couple of months, and it is important that I tackle this since I have my first real job, (plus a side business) and I want to live on my own. I have always struggled with managing my personal finances, so I am excited to learn tips and develop practices that will help me be smarter with my money. This is also very important to me because one day I would like to have a family, and I want to be able to provide for them. So it is important that I take the steps now to ensure that I am living below my means, and that I can set myself up to be financially comfortable and not cash strapped.

I was inspired to write this post because I woke up one day in a sour mood about my current circumstances and the fact that I am seemingly not where I want to be and I felt down about it. But then I woke up the next day and realized how much I really had to be grateful for, and how proud I am of myself for all that I have accomplished throughout my life even with various obstacles I have encountered. God truly has favored me. Even through this crisis, God has found ways to bless me and I have taken actions to better myself. For that I am super thankful for. There are people that have lost their life and their livelihoods in 2020, but for some reason God still choose me to protect, and to take me to the next level. So I want to take this time to publicly thank him for all that he has done on the inside! Instead of focusing on the all the areas of my life that I am not too satisfied with, I vow to constantly cultivate a heart, mind and spirit full of gratitude and praise.

Other short term goals I want to accomplish

- Join a church home/integrate other practices into my life to develop my relationship with him in addition to keeping the prayer journal (reading the bible, starting a gratitude book)

- Take better care of my hair: be more consistent with protective styles, trims, and deep conditioning!

- Read more books (I have watched too much TV this year lol) I especially want to read more books written by Black women and the experience of Black women!

-Try new hobbies (in addition to swimming, I want to go horseback riding, etc)

#2020reflections personalgrowth blessings

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shenanigans-academia · 5 years ago

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Season 2 w/ Internship Arc/ Final Exams

Episode 26: Time To Pick Some Names

•The kids are so cute, they’re like “we’re FAMOUS” precious babies

•”Congratulations Todoroki on your offers”

“It’s PrObaBlY BecAuSe oF My FaTheR” just take the W babe

•BABY AIZAWA AND HIZASHI we need more flashback episodes I live for a Baby Emo Shouta

•”You’re not even French are you that’s just an act isn’t it?” Call him out Sato

•Alien Queen is amazing stfu Midnight

•FROPPY FROPPY FROPPY

•WE STAN RED RIOT

•ALL MIGHT JUNIOR I’m crying

•I love Jirou and Kaminari’s friendship. Which is mostly her bullying him (reminds me of me and my friend Zack I should call him)

•Okay Cellophane is actually a really good name as well as ChargeBolt. Creati is probably my favorite tho

•”WHY DONT WE GO OUTSIDE AND ILL SHOW YOU EXACTLY WHY MURDER SHOULD BE IN MY NAME” BAKUGOU YOU’RE TRYING TO BE A H E R O

•Also I love how Kirishima just loves to push B’s buttons

•I relate to All Might freaking out so fucking much

•Iida you shady bitch THEY CARE ABOUT YOU AND JUST WANT TO HELP

Episode 27: Bizarre! Gran Torino Appears

•Oooh new intro ngl I think I preferred the beginning half of season 2 theme TENYA FLASHING HIS GLASSES AND TENSEI BEING REFLECTED IN THEM THAT SHIT HURTED

•Gran Torino gives me the biggest whiplash istg

•Brooding Iida is a Time guys

•”what makes a movement special” only flashes of Bakugou show

•TESTU AND KIRI IN THE SAME AGENCY I FORGOT LOVE THE HARD BOI TWINS

•The fact that Momo and Kendo got picked for their internships just because they’re pretty genuinely makes me upset

•okay but Sho could’ve chosen literally any other place to intern why did he go to his dad who he actively hates (with good reason)

•Ayyeee he didn’t break his legs. Maybe he still hasn’t figured out he can exactly use them yet. Look at baby bunny go

•Omozan I see you

•Izuku you are just as sweet as that fish dessert

•FANTASY AU END CREDITS IM LIVING if Hirokoshi doesn’t want to make another movie after this next one comes out he should just make mini films out of all the AUs he makes because honestly I want to see them all animated ESPECIALLY the Fantasy AU that would be Dope with a capital D my dudes

Episode 28: Midoriya & Shigaraki

•oof Midoriya you tried sweetie you did good

•BAKUGOU MAKEOVER TIME. Serving Looks by Best Jeanist we Stan

•I always forget the Nomu were once actual people what the fuck

•Anndddd things are getting tense. These poor kids don’t know what’s coming

•Dark Iida is. Intense

•I love Iida’s Internship Mentor he’s a good boy

•Shigaraki honey. Please. Get therapy

•Okay but Midoriya’s icon for himself on his phone or whatever he’s using to message Iida is All Might and that is just so him

•Iida you’re so DUMB STAIN IS RIGHT YOU ARE A C H I L D STOP MONOLOGUING YOUR REVENGE

Episode 29: Hero Killer Stain VS. U.A. Students

•The Nomus are so fucking gross

•Fuck off Enji

•Midoriya is so good, worrying about other people like Iida

•Shigaraki is a giant man child

•Iida: “You took everything from me”

Stain: “I don’t even know who you are”

•I’m sorry but how did Stain figure out how his quirk worked like how do you find out you can freeze people by ingesting their blood without having to do so crazy fucked up shit when you were younger

•BUNNY BOY BOUNCE

•Iida I love you but you Dumb

•Todoroki being like “i know you’re not the type of person to send cryptic messages so I knew you were in trouble” yeah he knows his boy

•Iida shut UP

•”you’ve got a dark side I guess my family isn’t the only one” Todoroki now is not the time to be emo

•Ah okay decent explanation for why Sho chose Endeavor that i forgot okay now makes sense

•Iida your inner Bakugou is showing

•IM SO PROUD OF TODOROKI it’s only been a couple of episodes since the Sports Festival but he’s already shown improvement and I love him

Episode 30: Climax

•I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I would die for Tensei Iida

•MIDO-IIDA-ROKI KICKING ASS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR

•”My friends may be in trouble” OUR BOY IS GROWING

•I will say at least Endeavor listened to Shouto and told other Pros to go help him

•Ah shiiiIIIIITTTTTT I forgot Mido got (semi) kidnapped and Stain escaped/ fucking DIED (???) I’m SHOOKETH

Started cooking dinner around this time and was in and out for the next 3 episodes so these are less in-depth until Episode 34

Episode 31: The Aftermath Of Hero Killer: Stain

•SHIGGY you Big Dumb

•DABI & TOGA SIGHTINGS HELL YEAH BABY

•“Once this night is over the world will forget he ever existed” whelp that’s what you get for being a little man child Shigaraki

•BAKUGOU IN JEANS IS A FUCKING LOOK OKAY

•Lmao Kiri I love a dumbass

•“Was that a boy?” OKAY I LOVE GUNHEAD

•MIDORIYA, URARAKA IS ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS YOU SHOULD BE USED TO TALKING TO HER BY NOW YA DAMN NERD

•BIRTH OF THE HAND CRUSHER Todoroki’s having like a fucking existential crisis and Iida and Mido are fucking laughing at him I’m dead

Episode 32: Everyone’s Internships

•It says Everyone’s internships but it was mostly just Froppy. Jirou and Bakugou got some spotlight (Bakugou’s hair is just *chef kiss*) but yeah super proud of Tsuyu tho!

•Kiri and Testu kill me I love them so much I need more of them together

Episode 33: Listen Up!!! a Tale From The Past

•Honestly one of the 1st instances I can see Kaminari being the ~traitor~ since he’s low key hyping up Stain but I refuse to believe it because he’s such a good dumb boy And IF it is true then I want him to be such a total BAMF that it better make it worth the heart ache. Like the whole short circuiting thing be a ploy to make people think he’s weak when he could control it the whole time and you know what this is for a different post MOVING ON

•Everyone watching Mido go through the rescue exercise, “WOAH since when does he move like Bakugou???”

•Cut to Bakugou having a stroke lmao

•All Might you’re gonna make me CRY

Episode34: Gear Up For Final Exams

•“Sexiness isnt just an aesthetic” Midnight laying down facts

•Honestly? Fuck Mt. Lady. I want more Anime Groot Kamui Woods and Gunhead

•Final Exams stress is real no matter how powerful you are. Take notes kids

•“WIERDO LITTLE CREEPS LIKE YOU ARE ONLY LIKEABLE IF YOU’RE STUPID WHO’S GONNA LOVE YOU NOW” Kami is NOT holding back

•Teacher Momo is the best she’s so excited

•Kiri is pining SO HARD for Bakugou and Baku is blinded by the rage of his life he can’t see it Baby Shark is trying his best “Maybe I should beat the lessons into your skull” “I’m counting on it” KIRISHIMA THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO FLIRT

•Shut the fuck up Monoma, Kendo come get your Rat Boy she’s just as done with him as everyone else is lmao

•”Deku, how you use your power is pissing me off I’m still better than you” every time he opens his mouth it’s either to curse someone out, to say Die, or accusing them of thinking their better than him. Honey. Go to therapy I’m begging

•WOW he uses Todoroki’s actual name

•Aizawa help the angry boy please

•“I didn’t leave anything blank at least!” MOOD KAMINARI

•How long was Nezu in Aizawa’s scarf???

•”We’re fighting...teachers?” Lmao yall fucked

•Midoriya & Bakugou against All Might. Aizawa really said fuck them kids

•Saving the most intense and chaotic for last I see

•Jirou “aren’t you just the announcer”

Mic “HEY WATCH YOUR MOUTH GIRL HAVE SOME RESPECT” he’s so butthurt haha leave Mic alone

•Aizawa is calling people out left and right we love a Ruthless Bitch

•Bakugou disses All Might. All Might “it’s on now you angry little asshole”

•MY BOY KIRISHIMA IS UP FIRST LETS GOOO AND WE FINALLY GET SOME SATO ACTION LETS GO SUGARMAN WE GOT SOME POWERFUL BOIS. Too bad they failed

•Tsuyu and Tokoyami are a good matchup and the fact they got the creepiest teacher to go against a kid with a quirk like Dark Shadow is just so funny to me. Basically said let’s make it as Goth as possible

Episode 35: Yaoyorozu: Rising

•Ectoplasm’s quirk looks like it’s literally eats Tsuyu and Yami. Everyone watching TRAUMATIZED. But they still fucking DID IT

•Also LOVE DARK SHADOW I wish he talked more

•Ojirou on Iida’s back “I can only imagine how stupid we look right now” no Ojirou you look adorable. Also just fucking LAUNCH THE TAIL MAN but hey it worked

•”Spikes? What are you trying to be some kind of ninja” yes he is Shouto why do you think he’s an underground villain HES LITERALLY DOING A NARUTO RUN AS WE SPEAK

•my girl Momo showing us what she’s made of

•Aizawa is proud of two smart little shits

•Todo is an awkward gentleman. Something he DIDNT get from his father

•Momo starts crying and covers her mouth. Todoroki:”what’s wrong? Do you feel sick? If you’re feeling nauseous we can call recovery girl” a. GENTLEMEN. He drinks his good boi and respect women juice daily

Episode 36: Stripping The Varnish

•Aoyama. Bruh. Why are you like this lmao

•Nezu is a fucking MANIAC BEAST WHAT THE FUCK we need more Mouse Hero

• “times like this he gets his vengeance” THEYRE KIDS RECOVERY GIRL

•Mic why is your face like that jfc

•KODA IS SO FUCKING PRECIOUS WHY DONT WE GET MORE OF HIM???

•”YOU CAN TALK???” It’s been like a good couple of months right? He just hasn’t talked the whole time? Honestly, respect. KODA IS AMAZING

•the fact that Hagakure just gets fucking naked so she can be completely invisible is hilarious

•”MisteR SNIPE YOU PERVERT”

”I COULDNT SEE YOU IM SORRY” poor Snipe lmao

•WHY IS MINETA TRYING TO BE A HERO WHEN ALL HE DOES IS CRY AND RUN AWAY (WHY IS HE CRYING BLOOD???)

•Lmao Sero you didn’t stand a chance sweetheart

•Oooooh so that’s Midnight’s quirk. Okay makes. A little sense I guess. But fuck I love her

•Ah. That’s why he wants to be a hero. He’s creepy and pervy but fuck that was actually a good plan

Episode 37: Katsuki Bakugou: Origin

•IT’s OUR FAVORITE ANGRY BOI. Please Katsuki. I’m begging. Take ALL the chill pills. Just once

•”Why does he always have to make things so difficult” you’ve known him literally all your life you know why. It’s because he’s an asshole

•Midoriya: PLEASE stop yelling

Bakugou: feral yelling continues

•Bakugou why are you like this

•All Might killed a child wow

•Bakugou 110% deserved that punch, good on you Midoriya

•he didn’t directly blow him up that time at least that’s a tiny bit of progress

•”Ah. They got me” All Might is so cute

•”They’re actually pretty smart. They just lose all sense when it comes to each other...They have so many complicated emotions when it comes to the other they don’t even know how to interact anymore” I don’t ship it but that’s pretty fucking gay

•”Your teachers going to do his best to school you” ALL MIGHT SNAPPED

•KB: ”When he shows up it’s my turn to blast him”

AM: “Say that to my face you Limp Noodle”

•Nice teaching just beat one student WITH another one nice All Might

•All Might literally broke Deku’s back what the fuck

•”It’s time to sleep. Goodnight Young Bakugou” ALL MIGHT YOURE KILLING HIM BRUH

•Lmao the angry Pomeranian fucking bit him I’m crying

•THATS MY MESSED UP BOIS

•Recovery Girl is just like All Might if you don’t lighten the fuck up I’ll beat your ass they are CHILDREN and she’s right

•OFFICIAL DABI AND TOGA INTRO IM SO FUCKING PUMPED DABIDABIDABI

Episode 38: Encounter

•”right now I go by Dabi”

“No I want to know your REAL name”

“I’ll tell you when you need to know” IT’S TOUYA TODOROKI THANK YOU VERY MUCH TOUYA CALL YOUR MOTHER

•Shiggy, Dabi, and Toga LITERALLY all at each other’s throats:

Kurogiri: Mom Mode Activated

•”DONT YOU GET IT MIDORIYA OR DID ALL MIGHT KNOCK ALL THE BRAINS OUT OF YOU” DENKI WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ATTACK MIDORIYA LIKE THAT HE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP

•Aizawa and his logical deception is Class 1A’s Cry Wolf

•Kiri immediately went to Bakugou and was like you’re coming shopping with us right, right? Kiri your pining is killing me you’re not subtle honey but I love it

•”you’re going to scare the children” says the guy with the demon shadow bird that flies out of his chest Tokoyami I love you

•JIROU AND MOMO I love two lesbians

•Kiri the man in charge love my boy

•”GOTTA KEEP THOSE PEST AWAY”

“DO YOU MEAN ME???” Lmao poor Midoriya

•Shiggy you’re so fucking CREEPY

•Finally see Shiggy’s whole face. THIS IS YOUR MANS YALL??? BRUHHH

•Poor Mido he can never catch a break

•Shiggy this just looks like really gross PDA you crusty creep

•”I can’t just run away every time I get flustered” yes you can Uraraka, that’s what I do, live your dream girl, run away from boys

•Wow they actually went to the police their first smart move

•ALL MIGHT IS IZUKU’S ADOPTIVE DAD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT HIS BOY YOU COULD TELL

•”there’s a good chance that he or another student could be targeted” ForEShAdOwInG

And that concludes Season 2! Season 3 time baby!! God I need a life outside of this

#mha rewatch #mha #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #part 4 #season 2 #internship arc #final exams #now onto season 3!#love the training camp arc #and RESCUING BAKUGOU HELL YEAH #DORM LIFE #long post

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createcashflownow · 5 years ago

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20 Pieces of the Best Advice I Ever Got in Internet Marketing – EVER

Finding advice on how to make money online is easy, it’s EVERYWHERE for a price. But it’s not all created equal. In fact, some of that IM advice can be downright harmful to your wallet and it can even erode your confidence that you can make this business successful.

That’s why I’ve assembled some of the best IM advice I’ve received over the years, so you can can hit the ground running and begin building a REAL business FAST. Sell or market the CORE solution that people want in your market. This the one BIG reason why they’re in this market – the one thing they really, really want above anything else, also known as your BIG benefit. Don’t get sidetracked here – we’re talking about their main dream, their main desire, the ONE big thing that if they could have anything in your niche, that would be it. In health, it’s often how to lose weight. Not how to count calories. Not the latest diet or exercise program. No one want’s a diet. No one wants to exercise (well, most people don’t.) But what they do want is to LOSE WEIGHT. Don’t sell calorie counters and diets and exercise programs, sell them on how they’re going to FINALLY lose that weight. Don’t sell them on the latest iron pumping routine, sell them on how they’re going to have so many muscles the ladies will swoon. Don’t sell them on the latest herbal remedy, sell them on what that remedy gives them – more energy, no more ugly skin, younger looks, etc. In Internet Marketing, it’s how to make money. They don’t want a traffic tool or a website builder or a new plug-in or even a new money generating program – they want the MONEY these things can bring. So if you’re selling a WordPress plug-in, then spin it in such a way that it shows your prospects how it will make them more money. Market to people’s core desire and you cannot go wrong. Be a sales person. That’s right – SELL. Yes, it is a four letter word for some, but it’s one you should be proud of. Sales people are some of the highest paid people in the world, regardless of whether they do their selling online or offline. Never, ever be afraid or ashamed to sell. Sell to the newbies. In almost any market you can think of, the real money is made on the newbies because… a) there are so many more of them b) there are new ones all the time c) they’re eager to spend money to get the result they want d) they’re far easier to please than a pro. Someone who wants to make money online? They’re a newbie. Someone who wants to lose weight? Yes, they’re a newbie, too. Someone who wants to get lots of exciting dates? Again, they’re a newbie. So what’s a newbie exactly? Someone who lacks the foundational, basic information they need to get the result they seek. Watch to see what the newbies in your market are buying, and then learn it so you can sell it. Find the solutions they seek and sell those, using your own words. You might find a technique someone is selling quite well for $27. You buy the product, learn the technique, and then create your own product using your own words and sell that. You might even present it in an entirely different manner which allows you to charge far more, such as packaging it as a $497 coaching program. Do learn from others, don’t steal, and do sell what people are looking for. It’s all about presentation. How do you convert a $27 solution into a $497 solution? Presentation and perception, it’s that simple. Do you really think one new car is worth $20,000 while another is somehow worth $200,000? Not really. It’s simply a matter of presentation and perception – packaging and presenting your product in a manner that fetches the higher price. Know that you cannot create products fast enough to meet the demand of many marketplaces. People want the products and they want them NOW, and the products don’t have to be perfect, either. Knowing this should give you the confidence to get busy producing products instead of just thinking about it. Build a reputation in your marketplace. Whatever it is that you sell, you want to build a reputation as being the expert, whether it’s dating, relationships, weight loss, making money, list building, etc. If you don’t have the reputation in the beginning, partner with people who do. Make products with them, do interviews with them, do joint promotions and so forth. In fact, you can create infinite businesses simply by always joining with an expert. They provide the knowledge, you provide the marketing skills, and together you make and sell products. Your reputation is your presentation, so look and act successful. Have authority, presence and be the expert (or partner with the expert.) Pick a big niche where people buy things over and over again. Pick a niche where you want to learn, then learn the stuff and sell it. Money loves speed, so just pick something and run with it. Get more aggressive than you’re used to being. Have a “I don’t give a damn, get it done” attitude. Force things to happen. Stop worrying about what other people think. Don’t worry about your peers – your peers don’t buy from you, your customers do. Provide more value than the price is asking. Get aggressive selling your stuff, branding yourself and making money. Decide to be an authoritative, celebrity type of person. “This is me, check me out, I don’t care what you think, I’m going to have fun.” This world needs more leaders. Most people just want to be lead, which makes an incredible opportunity to be a leader. And if you’re a leader, the world will get out of your way and do what you tell them to do. They will admire and follow you, and buy from you. Be authoritative for one day and see what happens – people want leaders. Go ahead, try it today. You’ll gain more confidence in one day than you otherwise would in a year of working the business, and people will follow whereever you lead them. Use your real name in the market you’re passionate about, use a pen name in other markets. Get a picture of yourself, or a cartoon picture and make it memorable. Use it in all of your marketing to help brand yourself in your main niche. Become a GURU and expert in your marketplace. Yes, it’s a good thing to be a guru because people will pay attention to you. It’s surprisingly easy to be an expert, just learn your topic. #1 rule of public relations – toot your own horn. No one’s going to say you’re a great ___ (you fill in the blank) unless you say you’re a great ___. Selling weight loss info? Then you’re a great expert on losing weight. Selling make money info? Then you’re a great marketing or small biz or entrepreneurial expert, and so forth. If you brand yourself to your list, you can have a small list and still make a fortune. Stop trying to please everyone, choose your exact audience and please only them. Be different. Don’t try to blend in, be an original. Stand out. Ask yourself how you are different from your competitors and why your list should open your emails before anyone else’s emails? Create something very valuable to give away everywhere. Maybe it’s a free recording, audio shows, a book, videos or whatever. Your freebie needs to be stellar because it’s really your calling card. If they love your freebie, they’re going to want more. If they hate your freebie or simply aren’t excited by it, they’re going to unsubscribe in a heartbeat. Give away something valuable every week like a recording or podcast to keep them coming back, hearing your voice and getting to know and respect you. Go ahead and plug something at the end, too. It keeps them attuned to the fact that you will indeed be selling to them, both through your podcasts and in your emails. If they love your 30 minutes of great content but complain about your 3 minute pitch at the end, unsubscribe them yourself – those aren’t customers, those are freebie seekers who want the moon delivered on a silver platter for nothing. Which brings me to my next point… Fire people from your list when you need to. Someone complains that you offered to sell them a product? Remove them from your list. Someone complains you email too much? Remove them. Someone complains you don’t email enough? Now there’s a clue – send more emails. Someone demands you give them time and attention and advice and help forever and ever for free? Give them the boot. These aren’t customers, these are people who will suck the life right out of you and your business. They typically only make up 1-2% of a list, but they will demand 110% of your time and give you nothing in return but non-stop aggravation that you do not need and cannot afford. Yes, it sounds harsh, but you can learn this lesson the easy way or the hard way. Use this formula when writing copy: “I know your problem, here’s the solution, and I’ll prove it’s the best solution.” Take the emotion out of business and focus on the math. People get so emotionally attached to their business, they forget the one thing that matters – math. Work on your business, not in your business. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Yes, I wrote it 3 times for a reason – and I suggest you write it in 12 inch letters and post it in every room of your house – it’s that important. There are no gimmicks in this list, no techniques that work this week but not next week. It’s all tried and true and flat out works. In fact, the information is this little list is probably worth more and has created more fortunes than the last dozen internet marketing products you’ve purchased combined – think about that. And go read the list again.

source https://www.createcashflownow.com/20-pieces-of-the-best-advice-i-ever-got-in-internet-marketing-ever/

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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Twice: Minatozaki Sana (Overview)

💕I’m intimidated by my girlfriends but I do want to get to them eventually ;u; this one’s just for fun, I want to talk and gush about Sana and learn about her through her charts, also it might be longer than the brief one but im experimenting with how i want to write these posts💕

💕disclaimer: i’m no expert on astrology but these are my interpretations of the signs and how they’re working based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and studies in astrology, all interpretation and experiences within the realm is valid, however feel free to make your own post or skip if you strongly disagree. There might be inaccuracy and the point of this post is to relate to someone, entertain and have a fun time, validate people with similar experiences and get people excited about the girls+ astrology. Also, since we don’t know their birth times, I’m using the standard 12.00pm💕

Dec 29 1996 (Osaka, Japan) - Capricorn Sun/Leo Moon

uwu shes so good and pure i love her 💕💕

People with this placement tends to exhibit a more lively demeanor than a typical Cap. There’s an aura of warmth about them and a spiritedness that you can’t replicate, they emanate vitality and youthfulness from their gaze and eyes, which transcends into their entire face.

With combination of these two, they tend to appear very kindly and warm, easy to laugh and much more laid back in life than most native Capricorns are.

With a native Capricorn, Sana sometimes has that hard glint in her eyes when finds what she wants to do/get. She can get quiet and contemplative, and you’d know she’s observing/thinking of a way she can produce the most successful outcome. Whether it be in her career or a reaction out of someone.

Her Leo moon makes her a pleaser of the people, she thrives so well on performance and letting her individuality shine. Her self-expression and areas where she instigate reactions from other members really tells a lot about her values and personality.

Leo moon loves to make others laugh, but they do this through their own individualism. They really value their self-expression, so it’s comfortable for them when they can reach out to people by just being themselves and making others laugh or feel joy in doing so, really makes them happy.

Leo moon also loves reaction, although they have a flair for exaggeration or dramatics, they also need to be reacted to according as well. Criticism to their behavior or negative reactions can really make them withdraw quickly into their shell. They’re sensitive (Capricorn as well) and although they are pro-active in reaching out once they’re comfortable, they have to be reassured through actions/responses that they’re well loved and appreciated.

Although they can be quite shy, they’re much more observational than they let on. Sana can react differently according to certain situation/people when she knows how to get the best reaction out.

Friendly and seemingly out-going, this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t get angry. With Leo moon, she wouldn’t hesitate to feel heated when it comes to situations or people who’ve been wronged. Once she sees mistreatment of someone, she knows justice when she sees it. It’s more than just indignation, she knows its wrong on principle and morals. Whilst other signs might have a harder time trying to justify or figure out how to structure an argument, Leo’s have a natural ability to hit right on the spot.

They do good for the sake of good, the same as how they entertain for the sake of other people and themselves. It’s for the betterment of entire situation and lives of people, and that’s what actually drives a Leo into becoming invested in what they do. They feel strongly, and are much more controlled than their other fire signs. But at the same time they’re just as quick in their reaction, that’s the strength of a Leo.

Sana’s all about respect, she’s willing to give a lot to others around her. She’s generous with her affections and reassurance, as well as her confidence in people once she decides she likes you. Loyalty is strong within this combination, as well as a need to make people laugh and add humor to situations.

She doesn’t mind making a fool of herself sometimes to gain a reaction. But at the same time, the other person has to know that she’s doing it for a purpose. She has to be respected and admired for her courage and her behaviors, her initiation and dedication. Her feelings can be easily hurt if she feels that the others are not receptive or positively contributing to her responses. Leo moon tends to need a bit of reassurance that they’re wanted and loved, but they would never willingly ask for it. It can come across in her actions, her whining or aegyo that charms people into giving her what she wants without her actually asking for it (Cap Sun/Leo Moon combination) she has that sharp glint in her eyes that lets people know exactly not to cross her, she knows way more than she lets on and she understands perfectly what she’s doing when she does things for a response.

Leos and Capricorns are both jokesters, and they also share alot of similar traits and temperaments as each other. With both of these signs contributing in her life, Sana is alot harder on herself than she lets on. Self-deprecations or insecurities regarding her own ability or performance might bring her down, she works hard to overcome it.

It’s harder to see, because both of these signs are performers in a way. Capricorn doesn’t really like anyone seeing their weakness because they think they can overcome it (’a phase in their life’) and Leo feels best when they’re performing even if it’s against themselves. However, none of these are unhealthy.

Both of these signs understands and accepts the importance of vulnerability, so even when Sana does show her weaknesses, there’s a certain grace about her that makes it seem admirable and determined. She’s self-assured in the knowledge that she’ll rise out of the situation through perseverance and ability, and she’ll take it as experience instead of bad karma.

There’s optimism and hopefulness about her, Capricorn exhibits these traits behind closed doors but Leo really shines light on these and bring them out when they’re together. Sana’s also prone to either performing or talking to herself, even when she’s alone. She doesn’t mind taking the fool out of herself sometimes even when she does this, and has confidence in herself that’s unwavering.

Capricorn Mercury(R) /Venus in Sagittarius

Miss Sana is a sweet pure and loveable bun, her mercury in retrogade in this instance actually helps her express herself better by distributing it to other areas of expression instead.

Mercury in retrograde typically leads to a lot of misunderstanding in social circles, coupled with Capricorn who finds it notoriously hard to verbalize one’s inner thought and communicate on subjective topics - Miss Sana probably has alot of difficulties opening up when she was younger. Either before she was a trainee or probably during her trainee days, communication is a thing that she constantly has to overcome. But in doing so (and getting into situation that she HAS to do so) she became so much better at it and faces this adversary head on.

It would also explain how or why she learnt Korean and other languages super fast. Sagittarius Venus has this love for learning new things, they’re hungry for knowledge about cultures, language and travels. It’s something they crave constantly and sink their teeth into hungrily. Miss Sana took this along with her experience (Capricorn ruled by Saturn, talks about hardship that one needs to overcome and the experience one learns from it) and applies it to herself. She’s a very Developed Capricorn in this area, and knows she has to use her Fire-sign charms to get what she wants as a front before utilizing her Earth Signs skills to get where she wants to get behind the scenes.

Her Venus in Sagittarius also gives her that bubbly, happy go lucky outlook and charm in life. Praising her on how well she speaks a language, her knowledge and her wit, admiring her sense of charm as well as SHARING experiences and stories with her is something she lives for. She enjoys learning about new people and new experience, and Capricorns are very understanding of people who are facing difficulties in their life. Miss Sana is generous and understanding, she’s kind and compassionate as well.

Another thing that’s good to note, is probably to talk about the hardship she has to go through when her Capricorn Mercury was still undeveloped. To see how far she’s come now, with her ability to openly and affectionately verbalize her thoughts and love for the members must be thrilling for her to know and feel proud of every time.

It’s a personal achievement to her that she’s proud of (as all Capricorn would be) especially with having a Leo moon that would definitely Not Stand For her own Capricorn Mercury’s bullshit. She might’ve had an emo-phase once in her life, because that Leo is dramatic and it needs to be expressed.

Her Leo moon is probably the pushing force behind her will power to overcome anything, despite being uncomfortable or having the hardest placement to do so, her emotional needs has to be appeased in the long run (Cap Sun/Leo Moon). She probably went through alot of practice and self-discipline exercise she forced herself to go through in order to express her deeper thoughts and inner feelings.

Her Sag Venus might make her high functioning and works with lighter topics, but Miss Sana knew damn well she has to do this for herself, if not for her own future and livelihood least she be miserable forever (dramatic, I know.)

Her Leo Moon definitely requires some instant emotional gratification, and by pushing herself like that, she acquired an affinity for channelling her expression into other forms instead (non verbal) such as her gestures, looks, performance, skin-ship and other forms of self-expression instead.

Miss Sana really has her Leo Moon and Sag Venus is working so hard for her. Leo has a sincerity to them, their truest form and nothing to hide. She exhibits such purity and honesty in her self-expression that she comes across as a person of integrity and sincerity. And this isn’t a lie, because it’s backed up by her Venus in Sagittarius.

Venus in Sagittarius is known for their expansiveness, an open-minded and friendly bubbly aura about them that draws people to them instantly. Her charm that we all know and love, came from a place that’s true to her heart and expanded upon by an energetic pursuit of happiness.

This doesn’t mean that she’s just pure passion, love bubbly and joy however. Capricorn is all about efficiency and pragmatism, Miss Sana having that double Capricorn (even if one is working slower than the other) means she’s super smart and very quick witted. She can be sly and use her skillsets to match the situation, Capricorn does that in abundance. It’s all about efficiency with and pragmatism. The mercury once it was developed, definitely shows through in the way she knows exactly what to say and how to say it in order to appease her Leo Moon/Sag Venus and get them the gratification they need (responses).

Mars in Virgo

Miss Sana is NOT one to be picked on!

Although she is fun and lovely to be around, her Virgo mars means she has pretty high standards for the quality of work and quality of how other people should be treated.

Virgo Mars are meticulous and self-disciplined, they’re focused and work well in groups or by themselves as long as the project gets done successfully. They’re detail-oriented and can have that ‘zooming in’ ability that really takes in observational details and commit it to their memories. If you think she didn’t see the receipt for 0.5 seconds - you thought wrong!

Virgo Mars likes to work, sometimes it can be hard for them to stop working. They’re very anxious when they feel like they haven’t done anything productive (productivity in subjective, it can be self-improvement or an actual job to gain money) With TWICE’s schedule being so back to back, Miss Sana’s Virgo Mars is probably living it’s best life when she’s busy and nervously pacing when they have more than a month off and she’s left by herself even in her normal life.

Because Virgo Mars works hard for the things they want to achieve, and for the journey in and of itself. Miss Sana would never even look at people who thinks they can cruise their ways into having daddy’s company and just take over positions just like that. She admires hard work in others, and since she works hard- she expects the same self-discipline and integrity in others as well.

They can also be super hard on themselves, alongside her Cap Sun/Leo Moon, having a Virgo mars is like the 3-signs-of-self-decrepitation. Truthfully she probably has some dissatisfaction with some of their songs before, but best be sure she’s going to keep going in on it until she fixes whatever the thing thats wrong with it was. She doesn’t stop, and she’s an extremely hard worker behind the scenes who deserves all the success she gets- She’s truly a business women at heart.

Virgo mars gets alot of flacks for being less combustive than the fire signs, but they’re JUST as dangerous in confrontations if not more.

She’s definitely not on to hold her tongue if she feels a situation isn’t right or is done in a way that is damaging or inefficient. If someone is bullying another, or if a member gets mistreated- Miss Sana is right there with her piercing gaze, ready to lash in a verbal warfare for her friends honor.

She doesn’t like dishonorable people, people with seedy ulterior motives, people who lacks moral standards or people who are passively letting things pass them by without doing anything about it (i.e. someone is getting bullied in front of the person, if she comes along she’ll ream in on both the bully and the person standing by)

She’s big on self-sufficiency (as all Virgo Natives are) and people who takes life easily or their goals/aspiration for granted without working hard for it will definitely piss her off.

The thing with Virgo Mars is, when they’re angry they BUILD UP their anger. Virgo Mars don’t like to say anything unless they know for sure it’s going to be creative criticism or help the other person. They don’t ever say anything that’s just pure feelings or intended to make the person feel bad. Virgos have an innate justice within them, they serve the people. So when she’s angry about something, all her criticisms are something she knows the others can take and work on after the fight as well.

If they feel that their feelings are hurt (most likely in Miss Sana’s case since she has her Leo Moon) the way they go about it is confronting them directly i.e. ‘hey you did this and it really hurt my feelings, can you not do that again?’ and try to find a compromise that’ll objectively give them both grounds to work on. But she’s definitely not one to repeat herself if she’s hurt again, she’ll just leave them all together because she doesn’t think they hold the same integrity or respect for her as she did for them.

Conclusion:

Miss Sana is such a lively, optimistic and genuinely lovable person to be around!

She has an expansive outlook on life and loves to learn from people all around the world. She’s so much more open-minded and rigorous in her studies, loves to be praised and basks in attention even when she doesn’t ask for it.

She holds a deep sense of pride for her ability to self-express, especially when it comes to her verbal expressions and language skills. It’s something that she had to overcome her hardship for and it’s ultimately something she holds very dear as an experience to her heart.

Her determination and working-ethic is almost to the point of a workaholic, she loves engaging in different people as well as focusing on managing tasks and overlooking backstage production. As much as she loves being in the limelight, she doesn’t neglect from quality-checking the materials she’ll perform with as well (i.e. composing, lyricism, producing, recording)

Her need for performance and her genuine warmth from being a Leo moon definitely helps her in her daily life and her career. Her charming Sagittarius Venus shines through and she expresses both of these fluently.

But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel at home with her Capricorn in her chart (or any of the Earth Signs) - Miss Sana really does utilize all of the elements well and to be able to function with her placements she’s really an amazing and intelligent women!

💕welp there we go! :) Again, this is just my interpretation of her chart, there might be some inaccuracies and somethings people might disagree to but this is just my own opinion about it 💕 feel free to read her chart and do a reading for her as well, honestly girl group deserves more love and im always open to seeing people gush about them more 💕💕 also Sana was really difficult to read because she’s such a complicated character, I feel like I could really expand more on her romantically or with that Mercury Retrograde. But maybe I’ll do that for another time! 💕

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wejungkkum · 7 years ago

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Mono No Aware, 物の哀れ / pt 1

Genre: Childhood lovers, fluff, angst

Word count: 3,035

Summary: A photo that joined like two puzzle pieces connected two lost, wandering souls

prologue/ pt 1/ pt 2/ pt 3/ pt 4/ pt 5 (end)

“I found a love, for me

Darling just dive right in and follow my lead”

“Oh come on Poppy! Stop being such a coward! You’re so slow like a snail and dragging the whole team down!”

Jungkook hushed from behind you, voice low, in fear of your opponent finding the both of you. You glanced at the dense forest that lay ahead, trees so tall they loomed over you like a gargantuan monster.

“But I’m afraid, the trees are so tall and the forest looks dark. What if we get lost, or..or what if we get kidnapped by the monsters in the forest and never get to come out?” you asked, desperate for assurance.

Annoyance flashed past his face as he whined “oh come on! I’ll make sure nothing happens to you. Don’t forget I’m Superjeon. Now can we move on?”

“Pinky promise?” you asked, doubt reflected over your guileless 8 year old face.

“Pinky promise.”

It was a stupid game of hide and seek your innocent young self indulged in, but just like this, you dove right in and followed his lead.

And just like this, he took the role of being the brother you never had, the angel you never met.

Since young, you were known to be the more introverted of all. Quiet, shy and always afraid of God knows what to step out of your comfort zone. Anything that involved speaking to large groups of audience were the worst. Your mind would go blank, and the insides of your mouth ran so dry you would start coughing uncontrollably. Coincidentally, you had to do public speaking in your last year of middle school, and it was the worst.

“What’s the point of this? I don’t get it. Argh I’m super annoyed. Ms Kim is going to make Namjoon pass with with flying colours and show favouritism blatantly. Right.. talk to you soon. Gotta go rush the speech.”

You hung up the call with Jungkook, and your apartment suddenly became so silent it reminded you of your parents working overseas.

“I don’t want to do this” you groaned and sunk your head into your pillow.

The incessant ring of the doorbell accompanied by furious knocks pulled you back to reality like a magnet. Peeling your eyelids open and taking in the sight of your room, your incomplete speech lay on the floor, fluttering lightly from the blast of the air conditioner as your laptop was showing the collage of you and Jungkook- one you set as your screensaver.

Come on, we all know you have a crush on him. No guy would do so much for a girl unless he loves her. Name me a guy who calls his female friend by such a cheesy nickname? Oh God, has he confessed already?

The voices of your friends ricocheted in your mind, and it was as though each time you smiled and brushed off saying that the relationship between the both of you was platonic, it tore you a little inside. Yes, you carried a torch for him, but you knew better than to go around spewing stuff like these.

“You home?” someone screamed from outside

“Coming!” you replied, blinking your eyes as you got thrown back into reality.

You pulled your mane into a loose bun, which you wondered if it was of any use as pieces of hair started falling out. Opening the door, you saw Jungkook standing there, right hand curled into a fist in mid-air.

“I was about to pound the door down, you know. I thought you fell asleep on your way out.” Jungkook said as he entered the apartment, sarcasm rolling off his tongue.

“Excuse you, Mr Jeon.” you shot.

“Just a gentle reminder, you were known to fall asleep anytime and anywhere.” he grinned, eyes shooting you a knowing a look.

“That was so long ago!” you screamed, clearly embarrassed about it.

Then, the both of you were at a birthday party, and you were in charge of the grills. Well, it was so until you fell asleep, standing, and only woke up when Jungkook dragged you away from the chicken wings that caught fire on the grill. You couldnt help but chuckle at that ridiculous scene.

“Anyway, I got you your favorite tea, which you claim helps you destress, and some midnight snacks to help you get through this. Trust me, they’ll come in handy. I’ve been there, done that.”

Groaning, you plopped down on the sofa beside him, sending him a few bounces. For the love of life, you couldn’t even speak to a group of 10 mere students, and now theres going to be about a level of them.

“Jungkook do you understand what we’re talking about here? Im screwed. S C R E W E D” you emphasised by spelling out each letter.

“Let’s see what you have” he said, and motioned for you to start making your speech.

You were forced to speak so you did, uncertainty filling your insides. It was long, and incredibly dreadful. Each syllable felt like an entire essay, and you stumbled over countless words. When it finally ended, you let out a shaky breath. Jungkook stood up, and gave you a standing ovation as a proud smile plastered across his face.

“You did it!” he gave you a high-five, which you gladly returned, and engulfed you in a quick hug.

“It’s a lot better than I expected Poppy, it’s really impressive considering it was such an impromptu speech. Now imagine if all the audiences and Ms Kim were just duplicates of me” he spoke dramatically, as he spread his arms open as if unravelling a horizontal scroll in mid-air

You rolled your eyes, but chuckled at his declaration.

“Ew, Jungkook. I’d flip if they were. Oh, I forgot to ask, have you had dinner? The menu for today’s your favourite. Spaghetti. I can heat up some”

“We have some serious telepathy going on between us” he flashed his set of whites, left palm finding its way to his stomach, signifying how hungry he was.

“I beg to differ Mr Superjeon, your stomach just growled.” you burst out, playfully punching his arm while heading to the kitchen.

“Listening to our favourite song,

When you said you looked a mess,

I whispered underneath your breath,

Darling you look perfect tonight”

The day of prom came by in the blink of an eye.

You fussed about what to wear, and when you finally settled on one, you were too embarrassed to slip it on.

“Come on Poppy, you cant stay cooped up in here all night”

“Oh yes, I can” you retaliated.

“Get into that bathroom now and change into the damned dress and we are heading out in 5 minutes. If you aren’t out by then, I’m going to sell your precious figurines you have by your bedside table.”

“Oh God, please dont do that”, you exclaimed, eyes becoming saucer wide.

“Bye”

Jungkook pushed you in and closed the door in your face before you could respond, and you eyed the lifeless blue dress that lay limply on your right hand.

“2 minutes have passed!” he shouted, and you felt compelled to change into it.

One thing you learnt, was to never challenge him. Although Jungkook was in his early years of being a teenager, he was hooked on exercising and was crowned the muscle man of the neighbourhood. He once threatened to empty your stash of snacks if you never turned up for the meeting with your friends.

True enough, when your anti-social self took control over your decisions and you decided to back out, your entire stash of snacks, including the marshmallows you carefully stored away, disappeared without a trace. You only found out a month later that he donated them all to the orphanage down the street. Yes, it was for a good cause, but this just shows that he wasn’t up for jokes.

He only said things he meant.

You stepped out of the bathroom in exactly 5 minutes, and eyed him expectantly. When he kept his silence, you felt blood rushing to your cheeks, and ducked around shyly. Were you expecting his compliment? Were you waiting for him to say you looked good? You felt incredibly ashamed you even had such ideas. He saw you as a little sister, and yet you were harbouring such thoughts.

“Must we go?” you asked, trying to change the topic to stop thinking about the questions echoing in your head.

“Well yeah, it’d be a waste of effort if you don’t since you’ve already changed into the dress”

“Jungkook I-”

“See you in the car in 15 minutes!”

You scanned the makeup lined out neatly on the makeup table. And upon closer inspection, you saw a small post it on each and every makeup product you owned, with the simplest of instructions written on it in his handwriting that tilted left and right and floated up and down. He mentioned that he could not write on blank paper, and you could see his struggle and giggled to yourself at his efforts. But that aside, Jungkook probably knew more about makeup that you did. You did whatever you could and slipped into a pair of new heels before grabbing your essentials and headed out the door.

“This is already a bad idea Jungkook. I hate parties, and my feet are already screaming in pain. If you listen closely, you can hear them actually wailing” you exaggerated while fastening your seatbelt.

“Oh come on! If you had a pair of talking feet you’d be on the news or something. Besides, Ill make sure nothing happens to you. Just have fun, ill take care of the rest. Pinky promise.”

3 hours into the night, you were so desperate you sought refuge by sitting in the toilet cubicle, watching your feet roar with red angry blisters.

Knocks resounded the door, and Jungkook’s worried voice boomed from the other side.

“I’m sorry I got caught up in the conversation with Seokjin. You alright in there?”

Immediately opening the door, you grabbed your heels in your left hand. It seemed like a really obvious sign that your feet could no longer serve its purpose, and he seemed to get the clue and said “let’s head home.”

He kneeled on one foot and motioned for you to jump on behind him.

You clung his neck as he trudged to the parking lot in silence. Once the both of you were in the car, he turned on the ignition and the engine roared to life. Jungkook handed you the aux cord.

“Your turn?” He asked.

You shook your head and Jungkook decided to roll down the windows, since both of you didn’t want any music. Pregnant silence hung in the air and the howling winds were the only audible thing apart from Jungkook’s steady breaths. A pang of guilt washed over you as the realisation of being such a burden overtook your brain, and you single handedly caused him to lose his chance staying out late with his friends and loving life like how any other teen in your school should.

“I’m sorry”, you whispered.

“Over this?” He asked, a tinge of disbelief in his voice. “Don’t be, its a small matter.” he soothed as he rounded the corner into the familiar neighbourhood.

Eyes still focused on the road, his left hand found your cold clammy ones and gave them a reassuring squeeze. Tears sprang to your eyes as you thought of all the times he helped you.

“Pinky promise” was almost like your morse code, no matter the age, you still stuck by it, like how he stuck by for you.

“I don’t know what id do without you, thanks for all that you’ve done. I…i-”

“Oh stop being a crybaby Poppy” he chuckled, as your tears started to pour.

When your dorm came into view, he did a perfect parallel parking before he turned off the engine. your sniffles suddenly became amplified as pindrop silence was introduced, making your ears ring

He smoothed his thumb across your tear stained cheek and smiled.

“Hush, its okay.”

He reached over to put you in his arms, and it was something you’ve grown to seek comfort in.

When you pulled away, your mascara and eyeliner were smudged everywhere and you couldnt help but laugh at your own reflection, at a loss of how to salvage the melting makeup. All thanks to the makeup products you snagged at some cheap sale.

“Oh my god, i look a mess.”

But then you heard him.

You heard jungkook whisper so softly under his breath

“Darling, you look perfect tonight.”

“Fighting against all odds,

I know we’ll be alright this time”

You remember Jungkook appearing at your doorstep one particular morning, surprising you at his sudden visit.

“Oh, hey, it’s early. Here for breakfast?” you questioned.

“Morning Poppy, well, I actually have something to tell you.”

The seriousness that settled on his face worried you, and you furrowed your brows together.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ll make breakfast first. Pancakes?” Jungkook asked as he took the apron off the hook, securing it around his muscular built.

You nodded, and excused yourself as you went to freshen up.

An ominous storm seemed to brewing in the kitchen as you climbed the steps to your room. He almost always made you pancakes when you were sad. Furthermore, you heard the silence in the kitchen as he worked. He was always humming something, be it some random tune or an actual song, but today it was dead silent except for the clanking of pots.

You recalled the time when you fell in the process of learning how to cycle, scraped your knees against the concrete pavement and crimson red blood oozed out. The 5 year old you had no idea what that was, and just wailed in the middle of the pavement, sunlight mercilessly shining against the shiny red mess.

Jungkook ran over, and magically took out a towel from the back pocket of his pants and wrapped it tightly around your knee. He plopped down on a chair in your backyard.

“Stop crying Poppy! Superjeon is here to save the day. Im going to bring you this really special thing your mum made, and if you keep crying, it wont appear. It only shows itself to really calm and nice people.”

He appeared moments later, atop his left hand balanced a plate with a mountain of flat layered cakes, a drizzle of shiny brown liquid decorated the golden cake.

“What’s this? Smells amazing!” you squealed in excitement

“Pancakes, they are magical and make you forget about the pain.” The 7 year old Jungkook flashed his cheeky grin at you, gaps prominent between his teeth, all ready for new ones to take their place.

Years later, here you were, sitting opposite the same Jungkook whom matured well, fresh in his early teens. The smell of pancakes wafted in the air, and he cleared his throat.

“I’m leaving”

That was all it took. 2 words, 9 letters and your world came crashing down.

“You what?”

“Am leaving” he repeated, eyes glassy.

“Suddenly?” you question.

“I just got the news yesterday, and it was a flight arranged by my parents. You know how they are. I never get any say in these things.”

“But you… but I…” you choked on your tears.

“Please don’t cry Poppy, you’re making it harder for me.” he sighed.

you couldnt think straight. Thoughts pinballed around inside your head. It felt as though someone else was pulling back the plunger, sending random, rapid-fire thoughts shooting through your brain.

“Will you come back?” you whispered.

“For you. We are fighting against all odds, but im sure we’ll be alright this time.”

This was something about Jungkook. He had a way of saying things so you might believe its true.

It might be, because he only said things he meant.

That night, he stayed over, and he said, “ I think its about time I sang you a song.”

He pulled out the guitar you had by your bed, and the notes that vibrated into the quiet night was a song you’d come to hold close to your heart, Ed Sheeran- Perfect.

The lyrics held a special meaning to the both of you, as each second you spent with him was as though they were inked into words and sung into melody. It was a flawless rendition, and your shoulders started to shake in the still night, knowing you’ll miss him more than you can take. It took him a few minutes before he started speaking.

“I think I should tell you something”.

He looked up into the night sky and whispered something so soft you almost thought you were hallucinating.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have enough guts to tell you earlier Poppy.”

“Call me y/n instead.” you dared, making it sound more like a command and challenge than you wanted.

In the dark, you could only make out a vague silhouette of his perfectly sculpted face. you saw the corners of his lips tugging up, showing the smile you tried to memorise before you would have to constantly try to recall.

“y/n, I love you.” He breathed. “It was time I told you the truth.”

With that, you saw the shiny tears well up in his eyes and although he tried to keep it in, a single tear still rolled down.

“Jungkook, me too. So so much. I thought you saw my as your little sister and i reprimanded myself for even having a liking for you”. You confessed.

“Oh honey, you were wrong.” he said, and looked into the far distance with longing and sadness in his eyes.

“Trust me y/n, I’ll come back for you.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.” he assured.

It was under the vast night sky that you made another memory, another promise, another whole new feeling.

One that you’d still think of like a beautiful old book you loved.

The one you loved so much for all your life, where you’ll be his girl, and he’ll be your man.

a/n: inspired by the beautiful song, Perfect. Also, feel free to check out the other parts of the story linked right at the top! 🌻💓

#bts #bts jungkook #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts fic #jeongguk #bts imagines

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laptrance · 4 years ago

Text

July 28, 2020

it’s been over two years since my last entry. so much has changed. to update March 8 2018 me:

you give up on job searching atm until 4/24/18. that’s when you start reaching out to all the promotion companies from kucr. planetary was the other promotion company you remembered besides terrorbird. cirstina was super nice and chill and said they just wrapped internships for the summer but to inquire again for the fall.

you wait those months while still working at mcdonalds. you get good at it and things are second nature to you. you still have moments where you storm out, but you get better at controlling your temper.

you check back in august and cristina says there are positions open in the fall. it was pretty easy as they accepted you right away. you do this bat shit crazy thing where you try to balance the two. planetary internship Tuesday Thursday Friday and McDonald’s the rest of the days. you even do opening shift during the weekends (4am-12pm).

you’re mostly quiet during your internship. you participate in riyl’s. you mainly talk to cristina while mailing. you don’t open up much until hayoung joins in november i think. mcdonalds is the same as usual, but your sleep schedule’s FUKED UP.

you hear in december that maria (who worked in publicity) is quitting. cristina encourages you to apply. you talk with adam and the interview tbh goes horribly. not like you didn’t have anything to say, but everything you said was wrong LOL. you also talk to george and ben and they lay out what press does but you dont catch any of that.

christmas office party happens and you drink a lot. you open up a lot to EVERYONE, iNCLUDING BEN about your love life (embarrassing) you’re obviously too drunk to drive home, but you stay over the night with nik and alison (goth bless their souls)

you check in with adam on the position occasionally until feb. 2019 when he breaks the bad news. the position’s filled. like how can you be surprised? but you’re still upset. you’re able to turn this as a positive to use your experiences to boost your resume.

you continue to work at mcdonalds and interview at places until you get a random email from adam exactly one year after you first emailed cristina about the internship. adam offers you the job. ofc you accept. you quit mcdonalds and start with planetary on may 1.

learning publicity is one hell of a learning curve. heck, you’re still learning how to do shit even now. but you’re thrown on the deep end with Luna. not your fault. not totally kristen’s fault. but that was a crazy client.

anyways, your sleep schedule’s still fucked up because of your commute. but at least you have free weekends now!

some highlights of 2019: you finally get a macbook! but you have a galaxy s9 as a phone lmfao. placements in The Line of Best Fit and Paste! you get absolutely entranced with warehouse raves. you literally go to at least once a month. falling in love with queen of jeans and linking up with their publicist Jamie Coletta (she’s super cool and the best at the game), going on two (2) dates with a really nice girl named sara. you got in your head and probably fucked that up. but it really wasn’t the time. christmas party 2019. same shenanigans but this time you don’t drink as much. you really look for places to move out to with ryan and he finds a house that angeli and linda live. two people are moving out and the rooms go for $500 and $600. you get the $500 room and are set to move in on Feb 16 2020. news of a disease called coronavirus is first detected in china. this will be important later.

oh 2020. what a shite year. if i told myself the things i’ll write down below i would not believe it. but here it is. everything that has happened so far in 2020:

first cases of coronavirus appear in washington on january. you’re not too concerned about it.

you’re working this country artist aminah hughes and land a placement in american songwriter for January 31 (1st time!). there are some issues and they post it one day later, but you weren’t as attentive as you should’ve been over the weekend.

adam talks to you about it the following monday (2/3) in a really calm matter but you beat yourself up over it. so much so that on your way home, you totally don’t notice a pedestrian crossing galloping hills and eucalyptus and run them over. everything feels like a blur, but you’re able to talk to the police, karen, and kimberly (state farm) about it. you take tuesday-thursday off.

you move in (night before you saw bored lord and octo octa until 3am wtf). you don’t have a car (for obvious reasons), but you’re able to commute to work via bus/subway (which you would’ve done anyway cause you love public transportation lol)

you’re able to return to normal life mostly until middle march. cases of the newly named COVID-19 have spread throughout the united states and you hear of workspaces transitioning over to work from home operations. planetary soon follows suit. our last day in the office is march 13.

literally the week after you start wfh animal crossing new horizons comes out. that keeps you busy for like two, three months tops. it’s also a nice way to keep in touch with friends.

your first therapy session happens on march 31. you’re able to talk about the accident, but it’s quickly directed to self-esteem. it’s an ongoing process, but you’re slowly advancing. it’s not linear, but it’s better than doing nothing.

Bandcamp establishes “Bandcamp Day”, 24 hour periods in which the site’s share of profits go directly to artists/labels. Started in April, will continue through the end of 2020. All the money I would normally spend on concerts goes here now. That and I fall to the hands of food delivery apps (door dash wins)

your campaign with Atta Boy gets going. first track premieres at Atwood Magazine (2nd time! [1st time was with sophia st. helen, another awesome client]). band’s super happy about it (even mr. josh brolin himself gave a shout out [bias ofc]). by the end of may you land their second single on THE MOTHERFUCKING FADER (1ST TIME OBVIOUSLY).

everything else is going surprisingly well for the most part (except for elp, but i don’t wanna talk about those fucking idiots) despite the ever-changing landscape of music journalism. huge blogs are letting people go while smaller sites are remaining mostly the same.

On May 25, George Floyd is murdered by Minneapolis police which sparks the biggest wave of activity in the Black Lives Matter movement since Michael Brown’s death in 2014. organizing/activism is still going on to this day (7/28).

For me personally, I’m making a conscious effort to highlight Black artists on my Bandcamp days and general sharing of music. I also joined a book club (6/18) and read “Are Prisons Obsolete” in its entirety. We’re currently reading a comic series called Bitch Planet. Deep and meaningful conversations.

the family hears news of Lola’s declining health. June 23rd (Manila time) is the day she passes away. We’re all able to say our last goodbyes via facebook video call. this is the first time i see my dad cry.

funeral takes place on june 27th. we’re able to partake in the ceremony via zoom. the first and only funeral i “attended” online (so far).

I start “fixing” myself physically. I went to physical therapy from 6/8-7/7. the exercises do wonders to my knees (ty dr. bailey!). also saw a dermatologist on 7/10. really quick appt. kinda felt rushed imo, but i was given a special sunscreen that works so far? also recommended otc meds like claritin.

ended campaign with atta boy. really sad to see them go. currently coordinating with their new managers on a possible podcast and press setup.

and that’s pretty much it! it’s a lot of shit, i know, but it happened all within 2 years. overall i’d say we were pretty successful in finding a big-girl job and MOVING OUT, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LMFAO. as for the shit you were hung up on with angelica, you’re so much better now, but you think about the good memories from time to time. sometimes it gets you down, but you’re thankful for the memories (come through fallout boy LMFAO AHAHA FALLOUT AMIRIGHT) and you learned from your mistakes. maybe it will be another two years before i leave another update, might be less, might be more.

but i’m extremely proud at how far i’ve come.

im proud of you, me.

#personal #do people still tag personal stuff as personal?#do people still read tags the way they do?#or is it just for clout chasing now. idk

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danisnotofire · 7 years ago

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Do you have any advice for writing? I used to do it all the time but then I just didnt have time for it anymore. And now I want to get back into it and I keep trying to write, but Im hit with this overwhelming doubt/anxiety that it sucks. And I dont plan on posting my writing anywhere so I dont understand why Im so nervous about writing to the point where I want to cry and cant do it. And I really want to work through it but its just so difficult. Any advice? -🌳

i’m not sure how good i’ll be at giving advice on this, because i often feel the same way!!!

but ig that leads me to my first point, anon, and that is, you have to understand that that anxious feeling never really goes away. sometimes you feel better about it, sure, and sometimes you’ll write something and know you were meant to write it, but 98.7% of the time you will be screaming and crying into ur document and thinking you’ve been a failure and faking any ability to write this whole time. you have to understand that that’s all part of it. but you have to understand: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. i really think you have to internalize that if u ever wanna write anything.

the best thing to get over feeling awkward and robotic is to separate yourself from what you’re writing. when i got back into writing fic (it’d been like, legit 4 years lmaooo) it was hard to put myself aside and stop feeling weird about writing it. i felt that same stiffness/awkwardness when i started journaling too. the best thing you can do for it is just understand that nobody is going to read it unless you want them to. it’s not going anywhere. the only person who’s gonna judge it is you.

once you get over that, write as much as fucking possible. it doesn’t need to be a lot. it can be a sentence. it can be a few hundred words. it can be a fuckin novel. just write something. the only reason i’m VAGUELY good is because i’ve been doing it for a longass time.

i’ve been writing creatively on and off since like,,, third grade. i’m now a sophomore in college. you just gotta churn out as much content as possible. i promise you, eventually it will be good.

if you can, i think writing classes are actually super helpful for this. i used to kind of shun them and look down on them because i thought somebody teaching me how to write would take away my own style. it actually helped me refine it, mostly because it got me into writing again after going so long without it. i was forced to write every week for a whole semester, and it kind of became a habit that i continued all through the summer.

fun fact: i don’t think no such mirrors would exist in the form it does now if i hadn’t taken that class!!

BUT: I get that classes aren’t always available to you. there are definitely ways u can get urself in that habit!!! you can do nanowrimo (which i did my freshman and sophomore years of high school, where you write 50k in 30 days just to pretty much see if you can. i CANNOT recommend nanowrimo enough. up until no such mirrors, that was my proudest artistic accomplishment)

FIND TIME TO WRITE WHENEVER, WHEREVER YOU CAN. you are going to have to sacrifice certain things to find time to write, but that’s all part of it. i struggled in doing this when i started school this semester because i went from having mostly my entire week free to having like, zero time to write, which is why it took a month for no such mirrors to update. it also sucked because writing makes me feel better about myself, because it helps me be a more productive member of society or something, and so, although it was hard, it became super important to me to find a time to fit that back into my schedule (i ended up carving out a few hours after my last class of the day on MWF, which happened to be my english class with a prof whomst i ADORE, so i always left feeling super inspired. and now i usually go to the silent floor of the library for a few hours and pound out a few thousand words. it’s not ideal, and ofc i’d rather be taking a nap or decompressing from class, but at least it’s something!)

i know this is harder to do, but i really do think posting your work helps!! i love writing fic because you get INSTANTANEOUS feedback on your skills, and it helps you develop them in a (largely) positive and supportive atmosphere. the people who are reading fic are the people who WANT to like it, who are just desperate for any content they can get. it’s such a good space to learn and grow as a writer (i started writing and posting fic when i was like, 12 years old. my percy jackson days. pre-tumblr. lmao #neverforget)

i know this is SUPER FUCKING CHEESY, but another thing that helps you become a better writer is to read as much as possible. read anything. read fanfiction from authors you admire. read YA novels. read children’s books. read the classics.

and then, (and this is something i will shamelessly do lol), pick your favorites, and try and mimic their style as an exercise!!! i recently read james joyce’s “a portrait of the artist as a young man” for class. it’s now one of my favorite books. and so what i did was go to google docs and pound out a few hundred words just trying to mimic the style. it ended up being a weird 1500-word-wip. most of it is garbage, but i wrote lines i’m really fucking proud of.

obviously don’t like, plagiarize. but what i’ve come to understand is that you can learn something from everything you read. whether it’s a certain type of metaphor, or a kind of characterization, or the art of simplicity, or a way of writing dialogue, or a stylistic thing. and by mimicking that style as a writing exercise or using their style as inspiration for your own work, you help refine what you like, and what your style is.

i will never be james joyce. that’s pretty obvious. but my version of james joyce is its own style of writing altogether, and it’s not necessarily bad! it’s its own style that i can then learn bits and pieces from later on. to me, writing is this weird ungodly mix of natural ability/learned style and compiling what you like about other authors into your own work. it’s a messy process, but eventually you will churn out something you like. and that’s what matters: producing content that you enjoy. everything else will come in time. (did i think anybody would read engagement sequence? uh, no. i hoped they would, and honestly i do wish that fic was recognized more than it was (bc any author who says they don’t care about feedback is LYING) but mostly i was writing it because i had SO MUCH FUN writing that fic. i’m probably most proud of that piece of writing out of everything i’ve ever written. it came from me combining poetry and prose into this weird pseudo mix of both)

another thing that’s easier said than done: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER AUTHORS. this is something i CONSTANTLY struggle with (to the point where i get SUPER down on myself if i’m not getting the same amount of anons asking about my work or comments or kudos or fuckin’ whatever). it’s something i CONSTANTLY have to work on, but it’s so so important, and the sooner you start working away from this habit the better off you’ll be.

if anything, USE these authors as people to learn from!! ask them questions about their process!! read their works and take note of what worked really well and how they executed it, so maybe you can incorporate that into things that you write later on.

IMPORTANT: COMMENT ON WORKS. COMMENTING ON WORKS DOESN’T ONLY BENEFIT THE AUTHOR, BUT IT ALSO BENEFITS YOU AS A WRITER. commenting helps you specify and work out EXACTLY what you liked about a certain piece. even if you don’t think it does anything, it actually puts words to specific things that you like, which then helps you incorporate it into your own writing. also?? long, thoughtful comments make an author’s fuckin DAY. someone once left like an 8 paragraph review on my fic, and i could. not. stop. rereading. it. for the better part of a week. TRULY.

take yourself less seriously. honestly. as much as it kind of sucks, writing is supposed to be fun and ultimately, it’s supposed to be rewarding. let yourself experiment with style and dialogue and characterization. who fucking cares? i wrote 300 words about spaghetti steam as a metaphor for jeremy’s parents’ divorce the other day. it doesn’t matter! nobody will read it!! that’s what editing is for.

it also might help to talk about your writing process!! i know i love doing this, and i see loads of other authors do it too. it’s so, so, so fun to complain about writing, because writing is really fucking hard. even the pieces that come easiest to me are still a pain in the ass to write. 99.99% of the time i write, i would rather be doing something, anything else. who wants to sit and cry into a computer screen? nobody in their right mind. ya do it because you love it, and you love the final product and you love seeing what you’re able to do, what you’re capable of creating.

if you’re having trouble starting, pick literally the first thing that comes to mind and write as much or as little as you fuckin’ want. remember, you’re in control! you can do as much or as little as you want. when i started writing no such mirrors, i had NO IDEA it was gonna become what it was. i started the fic with jeremy throwing a baseball up in the air and some random dialogue. i didn’t know what role everybody else was gonna play. i didn’t know it was gonna turn into an actual fucking novel. i had no idea! i just had the idea of jeremy laying on his back and tossing a baseball into the air repeatedly. why? i legitimately could not tell you! but it worked. it felt right and natural and easy, and here we are 72k later.

that being said, IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL RIGHT AND NATURAL AND EASY! you’re just gonna have to write through that! it’s gonna fucking suck a lot of the time, especially with longer works! i fucking hate certain chunks of no such mirrors, to the point where i can’t even bear to look at them.

this leads into another point, which is….

you’re going to feel like you’re faking it. that’s okay. keep writing. i doubt in my abilities every. goddamn. day. i reread my fics probably daily and can’t understand why anybody would like them, half the time. i feel like the characters’ interactions are forced and awkward and unnatural, i think the dialogue is boring, i think their feelings don’t feel real and i don’t feel like their motivations have depth. i feel like the plot is hanging on with masking tape and thread. every author will feel this way at some point or another. i know that sounds fake, because i’ll read posts like that from my favorite authors and can’t believe they would write anything except perfection. so you have to remember, it’s in your head most of the time.

however, that’s not to say you’re perfect. you aren’t. there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. sometimes it’s healthy to listen to that voice in your head to try and improve. you just can’t let it become the loudest part of your writing process.

so yeah! those are my writing tips!! that was a lot and im really sorry if it was all cliche and cheesy bullshit, but i promise they work, or at least help a little bit!!

i hope you can get out of ur slump, because i love writing so much and hope i never stop doing it (even if i say i hate it l o l) and i really hope you can get to the point where you feel comfortable saying the same

#writing advice #writing tips #writing #Anonymous #I'M SO SORRY TO MOBILE USERS #long post //

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thespace-dragon · 8 years ago

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*completely ignores the last update time and posts this* hahha hey guys!! yes i havent forgotten about this and tbh, im procrastinating on other fics with this, sooooooo have some langst~

Summary: On the battlefield, anything can happen. Never turn a blind eye to the possibilities.

WC: 2470

Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

Ao3

Alright, so the bonding time he had with Blue didn’t go that great. It was fine, it was the first time they tried it – well, second, but the first time was pretty much an emergency. They had to bond a little or else the Galra would have erased them from the universe.

So, yeah, bonding only happened for the sake of survival.

Keith led Lance out of the cockpit and walked beside him while they meandered throughout the castle. If Lance ignored the way Keith’s jacket shifted (he could hear it since it was the only leather thing on this ship), he could have almost passed the silence off as comfortable. Lately, the two of them have been spending more time together, but it wasn’t a major thing. Like, it wasn’t as if they were actively seeking each other out, it just happened. Mostly when Lance disappeared for too long and Keith came and found him, but after that when Keith knew he was okay, he stuck around. Lance was ready to call them friends in terms of their relationship instead of teammates. Which was a significant shift from teammate and rival.

Keith’s jacket squeaked a little for the umpteenth time and Lance swore it was as if Keith was turning to look at him, think about it, and then look away.

“Okay, what gives.”

He heard Keith stumble slightly before recovering. “Nothing.”

"Keith, you jacket makes a noise every time you turn to me, and it's happened like five times. It's obviously something." Lance nudged him in what he hoped was Keith's arm.

The red paladin grumbled something under his breath.

“Ya know, I may be blind, and my hearing is wonderful, but it’s not that great. You gotta speak up, Keith.”

Keith sighed and pulled Lance to a stop with a hand on his elbow. Lance crossed his arms and faced Keith’s general direction.

“I’m over here, you idiot,” Keith muttered, gently turning him.

“Oh, thanks…”

His friend sighed again and shifted his feet, the soles rubbed against the floor. Lance waited.

After a moment, Keith spoke, “Why were you crying inside your lion?”

Lance sucked in a breath and looked away. He felt like his body was gearing up to cry again – his chest suddenly hurt, his head pounded and his heart felt like it stopped for a moment.

“You don’t have to tell me everything, I was just… just curious.” Keith buried his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Just making sure you’re doing okay. As a friend.”

Lance shoved his own hands into his pockets, wriggling his toes inside this shoes. “Yeah, I’m okay, was just trying to bond with Blue.”

“And it didn’t go well?”

Lance frowned and looked down, blinking back his tears. He tried to keep his eyes closed as much as possible, everyone's reactions were nearly the same when he opened them out of habit. They either flinched away or immediately switched to doting on him. He'd rather keep his eyes closed and hide as much of the damage as possible.

“Yeah… it didn’t.”

Keith shifted again. “I’m sure she will come around.”

Lance nodded and bit his lip. He desperately wanted Blue to bond with him, he just didn’t know how to reach that point. Not even Keith had reached that level with Red.

“That’s the hope.”

Keith patted his shoulder and nudged him into walking again, the same direction they were going before they stopped. “You could always talk to Shiro, he was able to get the Black Lion to bond with him enough so he could see through her.”

“Wait, how’d you know –”

Lance could almost hear Keith roll his eyes and smirk. “C’mon Lance, it’d be the most logical thing to do.”

“Haha, okay wise guy, you haven’t managed to perfect that skill either.”

Keith laughed. “I know. And that’s the reason why you should talk to Shiro, he has.”

Lance raised his eyebrows in awe; Keith the Garrison’s best fighter pilot after Shiro, mister perfection himself, admitted to not having done something.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with Keith?”

“Uh, nothing? I’m still me.”

“Riiiight, I so totally believe you.”

Keith laughed again and bumped shoulders with Lance. He could feel the tension melt away as they joked around a little. It felt like Lance wasn’t even blind.

The next day, Lance was wandering around, looking for Shiro. He missed meal time, something that had become a habit lately. It was hard to sleep when everything was already dark. Lance's internal clock was knocked out of rhythm and now he has the hardest time figuring out when it was the day cycle or the night cycle. And by the time he did – mostly because of Hunk's snoring – it was already well into the wee hours of the morning. When he fell asleep, it was still fitful and full of tossing and turning before his mind exhausts itself and lets him fall into unconsciousness.

So here he was, searching for their oh-so-awesome leader and ask him how the heck he managed to bond with the Black Lion so well after slurping down a bowl of food goo.

“Dammit, Shiro, where are y-”

Lance bounced off a solid and quite warm wall before hands grabbed his shoulders to keep him from falling.

“You okay, Lance?” Shiro asked.

Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Lance rubbed his nose gingerly, it was smarting a little after running into Shiro. The guy really needed to take a break, those muscles were like rocks.

“Yeah, I’m fine, was actually looking for you.”

Shiro chuckled and turned Lance around to walk in the direction that he was originally heading. He kept a light hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“Okay, what’s up?”

Lance gnawed on his bottom lip for a second before diving right in. “Do you remember when we were on Arus and we just got all the Lions together? Like, the training exercises that Coran put us through?”

He heard Shiro sigh. “All too well, but what about them? Does this have something to do with your sight?”

“Yeah. Remember that one flight exercise we did where we had to see through our lions?”

“You mean the one where you and Keith raced to see who could hit that ground fastest?”

Lance scowled and flopped his hand around. “Okay, that was not the point, but if that’s the way you remember it, sure, that one.”

The older paladin laughed and patted Lance’s shoulder. “Meant nothing by it, but yes, I do remember.”

They turned a corner, Shiro gently guiding Lance along as they walked to wherever Shiro was going. From the way their steps echoed around them, they had to be close to the control room or the giant ballroom where they hosted the Arusians. Something told Lance it was the control room.

“Okay, so, how did you figure it you?” Lance asked, turning his head towards Shiro. “I’ve been trying to figure it out but it’s not working.”

He felt Shiro’s fingers tighten slightly. It was no secret to him that Shiro wasn’t exactly all for the idea of Lance still piloting the Blue Lion, but what choice did they have? Lance was still alive and Blue had roared oppressively when Shiro suggested that they find a new paladin. Blue was even averse to letting Allura pilot her, and that was saying something.

Shiro took a deep breath. “I trusted my lion to guide me.”

Lance’s jaw dropped. “That’s it?”

Through the hand on his shoulder, Lance felt Shiro shrug. “That’s it. We know the Blue Lion and you are both very trusting, it’s your natures. But I trust everything to my lion, she will get me out of situations in ways that I won’t think of.”

“But I do trust Blue!”

“I know you do, Lance. We all trust our lions, but it’s whether or not you trust her enough to see through her.”

Lance ducked his head and chewed on his lip more. Of course he trusted Blue, she was constant just like Hunk has been throughout his whole life. She comforted him when he couldn’t go to anyone else. She cared. She loved him. And he felt that same way towards her. He wouldn’t trade his lion for the world, not even being top of the class at the Garrison to lord it over Keith. He was proud to be the Blue Paladin of Voltron, he was proud to pilot the Blue Lion, and she was proud to have him. They worked, they clicked in ways that Lance never thought he would click with anyone or anything.

Shiro squeezed his shoulder. “Give it another shot, but Lance…”

He shrugged Shiro's hand off. Guess that hasn't changed. "I'm not giving up, Shiro. I’m going to pilot the Blue Lion.”

Lance spun on his heel and walked away from Voltron’s head, hand trailing along the wall to guide him. He was going to get this. Blue rumbled reassuringly in the back of his mind, guiding him to her. Looked like it was going to be another day spent in her hangar.

Hours passed and nothing. Absolutely nothing. Blue was there and not there at the same time and Lance hadn't felt this frustrated since struggling to become a fighter pilot – something he never really achieved but surpassed by becoming a paladin.

He thrust the controls away from him and pounded his fists on the armrests of his seat.

“Come on, Blue! Help me out here, what am I doing wrong?” he asked to the air. “Why can’t we get this!?”

His lion purred sympathetically, wrapping around him like a comfort blanket. He was so close to breaking down again. He’s missed the team training again, and lunch, and a meeting that Allura wanted to hold. Lance had ignored the call in favor of figuring out this damned ability with his lion. A fat lot of good that did.

He slumped in his seat and let out a rush of air. The inky black that surrounded him was oppressive, a constant reminder that he would amount to nothing. Not a fighter pilot, and now not even a paladin of Voltron. If he couldn’t figure this out, there was no point in keeping him here on the team. He couldn’t help Coran fix that ship, he couldn’t pilot the ship either since it was a job for Allura. He couldn’t fight. He couldn’t analyze data. He couldn’t even cook.

So what good was he?

Lance ran a hand down his face. The darkness crowded closer and if it was even possible, it felt thicker.

Yeah, he wasn’t worth much. Just a hindrance now.

Blue growled at him and pushed against his mind. She shoved images in his head: him making the team laugh, him consoling Hunk when things got too much, him helping Pidge as best as he can with her tech, him saving Coran, and finally, him shooting down all those Galra on the mission that cost him his sight. Each shot saving Keith and Pidge.

You are valuable she was trying to tell him.

Tears pricked his eyes and he stifled a small hiccup. “Thanks, Blue.”

She rumbled again, sounding so much like his mother scolding him for not believing in himself.

But once the feelings started, they were hard to stop. The darkness he was surrounded him felt wet, as much as Blue could tell him that he was needed and wanted as much as she wanted, he still couldn’t fight the feeling of being overlooked and shoved aside because he wasn’t useful.

Shiro’s words echoed in his head. Trust your lion.

He slid further down the chair, slouching heavily. “I don’t get it, Blue. I trust you, I trust you with my life and then some. I know you wouldn’t have chosen me if there wasn't something you saw in me. But I still don't get it."

He heard the hangar door swish open – the one leading outside, to the inky blackness filled with stars and planets and asteroids.

“Blue?” Panic shot through him and he grabbed at the controls. “Blue, you can’t – I can't! I can't see anymore, what if – what if we run into something!"

Blue growled, sounding like she was rolling her eyes and launched herself out of the castle.

“BLUE!” Lance screamed, pulling at the controls to pull her to a stop.

She kept going. His lion revved up her engines and the g-forces forced him into his seat. Lance grit his teeth and gripped the controls harder, pulling them back so much that he nearly touched the armrests of his chair.

What felt like light-years later, Blue finally stopped and Lance found his breath. He leaned forward over his knees and heaved air in and out of his lungs.

“Blue, where are we?”

His dashboard pinged and he knew coordinates were displayed. He groaned and sat up, tossing his head back. Since he was alone, he blinked his eyes open. His sight still revealed nothing, it wasn’t even a shade lighter with his eyes open.

Blue rumbled, telling him to lower his head and face forward. She was being extra bossy today, something she had to have picked up from Red over the last ten thousand years. Lance closed his eyes again, not like keeping them open was doing anything.

His lion growled, feeding him vague instructions just like the first time he flew her. Slow your breathing, open your mind, and trust me.

If he was being honest, he was ecstatic that he was out of the castle for once, and flying Blue again was his dream but the situation had him on edge. Never had Blue done something on her own before – not like how the black and green lions protecting Shiro and Pidge from that Robeast crash landing on Arus, and definitely not like Red launching herself after Keith every time he ejected himself into space.

No, Blue and Yellow never acted out like the other lions. Then again, their paladins rarely got into serious trouble without anyone else there to help them.

The Blue Lion roared at him sharply, almost bark, and it forced Lance to focus his mind back on what she told him to do. He took multiple deep breaths, calming himself. It felt just like when had those mind-melding exercises and he found himself slipping into his meditative state. Blue purred approvingly. She knew her paladin was capable, he just needed to be pushed in the right direction sometimes.

Slowly, the farther and farther Lance fell into meditation, his mind opened. He welcomed Blue into his mind. She curled around him and spun his mind around, aligning it with hers.

Open your eyes.

Lance opened his eyes.

#lance #klance #langst #keith #blind lance #voltron #shiro #mmotb #vld lance #vld keith #vld shiro #blue lion #vld #vld blue lion #klance fic #voltron fic #vld fic #vld klance #mogis messes

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waitinginthedarke · 8 years ago

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Lets talk BLOCK B in London

First off, if you weren’t a B-Bomb stan before that concert, its pretty safe to say if you were sat anywhere within the vicinity of my seat, you damn well are now! That boy has some serious fan service that ropes you in without telling you! From his effortless beauty that shines the minute he steps on stage, to his favourite English food of Cottage Pie (Who taught him that?), to the intense stares he was giving the entire left hand side of the balcony which, might i just say, are literally soul-sucking whenever his eyes land on you! Its safe to say, i’d give my entire life’s earnings to see B-Bomb smile at me again. O.O

But i digress.

To be honest, i probably owe everyone an apology for being a little too excited the entire hour we were seated leading up to the beginning of the show, so if there was a girl by you with deely boppers and grey/purple hair that was shouting and dancing too much to the sound system, I apologize for any inconvenience i caused you! (I was just trying to make everyone a little more hype!) ;)

But its safe to say, the minute the lights went down and the VCR began, i could not stop screaming. And the moment they all came out, skipping onto stage whooping, Zico going above and beyond the level of hype i expected- I was gone, im pretty sure the scream that left me was long and continuous and did not stop for the entirety of the concert.

But shall we get onto the bit, that i know you’re all here for?

Block B, when seen with your very own eyes, are the epitome of beauty, and in the strangest sense, when you see them, reality comes squeezing in around you, and you’re forced to realize in that moment that their little feet start dancing around the stage, that they are in fact ACTUAL human beings.

Along with this, the most prominent understanding you are forced to come to, is that, that Taeil that you’ve always seen on screen and in pictures, is LITERALLY JUST AS CUTE AND SMOL as he is in real life. I could not stop staring at how adorable he is- regardless of how manly he might actually see himself as.

I was also forced to accept the true herculean form of Kim Yukwon’s thighs, and the reality of exactly why he’s got a girlfriend and has had her since debut and beyond- the boy is GORGEOUS.

I had to confront myself about the reality that Jaehyo really is an extremely tall Ahjumma crossed with Adonis. And i cannot tell you the enjoyment i got watching him get to the end of the 3rd song, before seeing his face start to show the pain of exercise and dancing whilst all his other members were still happily bouncing away (because SAME). And by the half way mark, he had almost completely given up and had began to piss about with U-Kwon, who continuously tried to jab him in the ribs.

And then came Kyung. Now, im not the biggest Kyung stan as im sure most are aware. HOWEVER, i cannot deny him the fact that he is incredibly cute in his gestures, and he was SO HYPE to be in London! I swear to God he didn’t stop smiling the entire time, and i think that is one of the main memories that i will take away from that experience, is the huge arm heart that Kyung kept showing to the 2nd level- plus, when he smiles AS HES LOOKING AT YOU, you’re sure to go home happy. Although, can we just also talk about his miniature English q&a session (because he was all too aware he is the most fluent in English out of all of them), in which he asked the members about their favourite British foods, (hence B-Bomb and cottage pie) and he tried to rip into them for their adorable simplistic answers? Quick run down:

B-Bomb - Cottage Pie (proud of himself) Jaehyo - burger and fries? (I think, was very shy and awkward when he said it xD) U-Kwon - five guys (also pretty enthusiastic) Zico - fish and chips (very VERY enthusiastic, could be the new mascot for fish and chips tbh) Taeil - (i feel like it was something generically English but i cant remember, my bad) Kyung - just giggled the whole time.

Now, lets move onto Zico. That boy, was LIVING for being in London. Before i got there, i got the feeling he was pretty excited to be here through his insta posts, but he could not stop going on about it the whole time, exceedingly smiley and energetic through the entire first half (and second half to be honest) but after Conduct for Zero (when he filled in for P.O- I was sad, but it was a lit stage) he just seemed so happy to be there, and seemed to genuinely be having the time of his life. He was ALL TOO HAPPY to speak English for pretty much the entire time, and just seemed so proud of himself to be able to do so, which was so adorable i cannot tell you! But after seeing Block B live, you can really understand what kind of a group leader he is; efficient, compassionate, and just BAWSE!!

One of the songs which was a game changer for me, was the heavy rock version of Very Good they played!! Like holey moley, that was LIT TO HIGH HEAVENS!! (i’ll upload a video clip in a mo). But also NICE DAY WAS INSANE! And Taeil carried it SOOO well- if you ever do anything in your life, see Lee Taeil sing them high notes live man!! It is WORTH IT! But tbh, the highlight of that night, despite the lacking of P.O’s presence- which i think i would have legitimately fainted at- was Zero For Conduct. I’ve always been a HUGE Bastarz fan!...but seeing that live, has changed my life! Sincerely.

And also, you might be thinking, but how did the other members feel? Zico and Kyung were happily chatting away in English, but what about the others? However, despite wondering this myself, when the ‘thank you’-esq time came around, they had such a good translation system working, and although i initially thought it would be awkward, the minute the crowd started responding to what the translator was saying after the boys had spoken, it just became such a beautiful and warming atmosphere, because i dont know about everyone else, but i was soo happy to know how the boys felt about London, and the end of their Europe tour in general. And after Zico took his hat off for us like he said he would if we genuinely impressed him, i can honestly say, any normal band will never live up to the experience of a block b/kpop concert in general.

And on a final note, lets just talk about the fan service again, cause i still cant get over B-Bomb and i dont think i ever will. He is Apollo, he is sunshine on a rainy day, he is a tragically beautiful painting, and for as long as i live i will never forget the entire 5-6 times i locked eyes with that man and shared in his smile. Because even though I got to wave at Taeil who was waving and pulling many a sad/funny face at the second floor area, and even though Kyung may have shot a heart in my direction, and coupled it with the cheesiest grin i ever did see, neither of them for some reason compare to the utter, graceless beauty, that is B-Bomb’s smile when directed specifically at you.

I’d say more about Zico, but his attention was mostly on the front row and the standing crowd, and im not entirely sure he could see the balcony seats and up well- but he was having a grand time regardless. Jaehyo was smiling throughout, but i got the sense from him, that despite the fact he was having a good time, he was tired from the end of tour. And U-kwon was really just playing with the girls hearts in the front row the entire night- so if you were down there, r.i.p after Kim Yukwon.

And alas, here i sit. Crying over remembering all the little details of the show, that as soon as it started seemed like it only took 5 minutes before it was ending, cause i was simply enjoying myself so much. The Post-concert blues are real, and i think that concert truly did change my entire life, but if there is one bit of advice i’d give anyone who was thinking of going to a kpop concert, or any concert in general in the future...its simply to take a moment to take it in, it wont ever be enough, but as long as you take a moment for yourself to realize that what you’re experiencing is real, then it’ll all be okay.

P.S. imma probs do another post tomorrow with everything i’ve forgotten from this one, but for now, enjoy my reliving of ‘Blockbuster in London’. <3

#block b #blockbuster in london #kpop #zico #taeil #ukwon #bbomb #jaehyo #kyung #p.o.

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sundayswithshan · 6 years ago

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190113

good morning i opened tumblr and it told me that my pictures from prom many years ago were taken down for being adult content and im screaming

look at me, actually writing on a sunday. aren’t you proud?

i have so much to tell you about! long post ahead!

GUESS what is comin up!! my birthday!! my bday is on tuesday the 15th and i am so stoked. still young enough to where birthdays are exciting. if possible, i’d like to know if you’re still here.. if you made the move to this blog with me. last year, you posted a playlist on my birthday. if nothing else, could you do that again this year please? I really love your music taste, so i’d love to have some new music from you on tuesday. maybe with some blue emoji or smth so i know its for me. but if not or if you’re feeling extra fancy... perhaps a selfie? or maybe a lil snippet of you singing? and if you want to erase all my doubts about you not being here.. a snippet of you singing my favorite song, hey there delilah, would melt my heart and chase away every inkling of a doubt. or a selfie with like....... idk? your hand.. somewhere in the frame. I’m blanking on specific ideas. but do smth with your hand i guess. that’s if you want to, of course. i’m honestly just listing things i would love for my birthday.. things you could get away with. if you’re still here. if you’re still waitin for me. i sure hope you are... bc i’m still here for you. i’m down to make this work. i miss you.

i have such a busy week ahead of me. and on top of it all, the weather has been giving me terrible allergies. it’s not brutally cold like it was this time last year (we’ve gotten no snow yet! which is a good thing given the fact that i live on the coast in southeastern georgia) but its been everything else. cold, hot, rainy, windy, sunny, you name it. and the changes of weather have been brutal for my poor lil body. but i’ve got cedar-scented candles burnin and a cup of coffee in my hand so i feel pretty good. Plus I always feel good on sundays. It’s the Lord’s day.

I’m currently waiting for the rain to stop so I can walk over to a coffeeshop.. i’m going to a further one than the normal one bc the normal one is packed out the door on sundays due to their brunch menu and raging popularity with SCAD students. there’s another one closer as well but I’m opting for the 0.7 mile walk each way because I need to get some fresh air and exercise today!

But as far as how I’m doing... much better. I was having struggles with work but the other day they announced that they’re going to have hot food in the break room for employees all day so now I’m stoked. Is it bad that free food motivated me enough to not quit my job? I’m a simple gal. I like good food, and I like not paying for it.

Also my friend has super smash bros ultimate, and whenever I have time I go play 1v1 with him to hone my skills. I beat him last week for the first time ever. he’s really good. so i felt REALLY good about that. you’ve never mentioned playing smash before but I like knowing I’m hella good at video games so I can DESTROY you. blue heart emoji.

and i got through my first week of classes! they seem promising! not tooooo difficult yet, and the timings work out nicely, because I can go to the gym every day during the week! i’m getting back in shape bro. i’m taking this semester by the HORNS.

oh, and jae, happy 1mil on twitter! that’s awesome!!! i’m so proud of you! keep being inspirational and lifting the lives and spirits of so many people! oh and that oneus album is DOPE. its just mainstream EDM, which I’m always glad to see you getting into. Hopefully this gateways you into real EDM. great recommendation! thank u kanye, very cool!

oh and i joined a dance group again FINALLY! it’s “fusion” dance as she calls it, which is exactly what i’ve done my whole life... a blend of jazz, lyrical, modern, and ballet. i can’t go to practice monday bc of work but i have blocked off mondays since then so ill be able to make them all. i’m so excited to dance again.

i think that’s all i’ve got to say right now. my cousin comes in tonight and is gonna be here all week. we’re supposed to be filming a music video but i’m having difficulty with the scheduling atm. i have a meeting with the crew later today to discuss it all. wish me luck.

thus concludes my last post at this age!

see you soon!

-shan

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coming home - seven lions hey there delilah - plain white t’s flame of love - taemin ghost of you - 5sos lift me from the ground - san holo (you’d like san. he’s a dj that plays guitar at his live sets. so its guitar edm. and he’s so sweet. he owns a duck. we’re friends on facebook for some reason) bassline kickin - pegboard nerds (this is a classic edm bop from my high school days for my cute gateway edm boy. learn to appreciate the classics)

#sws: happy

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