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peachcitt · 3 years ago

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peach's top songs to project adrien agreste onto: waterparks edition

(disclaimer: the title is not to say that there will ever be other editions, but i did want to specify that this list is entirely comprised of songs made by the band waterparks. thank you)

ive been experiencing adrien agreste brain worms in relation specifically to waterparks, which is one of my favorite bands, and since ive been going insane over the adrien-specific feelings these songs have been giving me, i decided to make a master list of exactly how i project adrien onto these songs. this is going to be a long one

structure:

Intro

Airplane Conversations

Black Light

Cluster

Double Dare

Entertainment

Fandom

Greatest Hits

Conclusion

1. intro

it should be mentioned that i originally started hardcore projecting adrien onto waterparks songs after i started making my mlb radio rebel au in which adrien is a pop singer for his dad/in a band for fun with his best friends. i was trying to figure out what adrien's music might sound like, or what vibe his music would give off, and my mind immediately went to waterparks because they're one of my favorite bands and also because im insane.

in my head, for the au specifically, waterparks' earlier garage-band sounds from their EPs (airplane conversations, black light, cluster) would've matched up to adrien's band for fun in the au, and their later more pop-leaning songs from later albums (mostly fandom but also double dare and entertainment) would've matched up to the pop songs he released under his father's label. so that's how it started, which is, like, the most absurd origin story ever, but such is how it goes.

it should also be mentioned that i don't project adrien onto EVERY song, and the songs i do project him on aren't like. the most perfect fit, but there are always certain lines that scream adrien, and if it's like that, then i will include the song on the list.

with that explained, let's actually talk about the songs i project adrien onto and why:

2. airplane conversations

like i mentioned earlier, waterparks has a couple of garage-band sounding EPs, and this is for sure one of them. airplane conversations is the first EP they released, and the main themes are: feeling stuck, recognizing the fact that you are Growing Up, and being in love

5/5 songs on this EP can be considered adrien songs

silver

the song starts with:

"i’ll be the silver lining around your fence used to protect yourself from all the world and its sharp teeth 'cause my open hand and heart think you belong with me"

which is very ladynoir-esque. the beginning line of wanting to be "the silver lining" around the other person's protective fence against the rest of the world reminds me so strongly of chat's place as ladybug's partner; she wanted so badly to guard herself against the rest of the world after she became the guardian, and chat saw that and wanted to be her bright side to all the stress of being the guardian/a superhero. he stayed beside her and joked around because he loved her but also because he recognized that he needed something bright - a silver lining - to balance out all her stress. and "my open hand and heart think you belong with me" is pretty self explanatory, but chat's heart is always open for ladybug - as a partner, as a friend, as a potential lover. he supports her, in any and every way she might need.

in the second verse, we get:

"I was the one who kept myself standing tall You were the light at the end of the hall"

which relates to adrien enduring his dismal home life. his father and the work his father imposes on him isn't easy, but adrien was and still is able to stand tall beneath it all - partly because of what he wants for himself (he ran away to public school entirely on his own, after all), but also because ladybug is there to mark and signify the freedom and love he feels with her as chat noir.

bones of '92

so bones of '92 isn't. like a super adrien song, mostly because it's very much about the struggles waterparks was having as a new band, however the outro is. well. it's:

"i won’t let you down just promise that you won’t forget about me can’t stop the future from settling but i can change the way it feels just promise that you won’t forget about me"

this feels like adrien is speaking to his father in the first couple of lines ("i won't let you down / just promise you won't forget about me") because of how much of a strict and absent father gabriel is. i think adrien, at least in part, believes that the only way he is able to gain affection from his father is by doing exactly as he says and going along with what his father wants.

the next couple of lines ("can't stop the future from settling / but i can change the way it feels") is adrien's hopeful call to the future. he's stuck right now with his father, and he maybe even thinks that he'll always be stuck doing what his father wants, but he can change how he feels by being chat noir. by being chat noir, adrien is taking hold of his own future and his own feelings, shining a positive light on the future that he may not have had before.

the last line, a repetition of "just promise that you won't forget about me" could again be talking to his father, another plea after expressing his own desire, like he thinks that his father won't approve of him wanting his own things. or it could be adrien talking to ladybug or even the city itself; adrien loves being chat noir, but he's not really as popular as ladybug, and he also fears his relationship with ladybug. he needs frequent reminders from her that he's valuable and important to her, and so this fear of being forgotten - by her or Paris - tracks well with his character.

i was hiding under your porch because i love you

also not a huge adrien song BUT the line "it's just you and me / through all these inconsistencies" screams ladynoir

they all float

again, not a huge adrien song but my powers of projecting are unmatched and the line "this time i'll do things the way you wanted / it's not right, but it's just the way you wanted / lay it all on me, 'cause i'm all ears" is another adrien to gabriel line.

fantastic

i did not really consider this an adrien song until i looked up the lyrics and realized it was. im right. we have the chorus:

"i can't imagine fast enough to settle on a dream but i've spent this winter wondering when they're gonna settle on me and there's some things i've just gotta know but one thing's for sure"

which is another inscription of adrien's hopelessness in regards to his position with his father; he's never been given the opportunity to truly figure out what he wants for himself, and so he doesn't even really know where to start. the "one thing" that's for sure can be interpreted as the controlling hand gabriel has on his life, or it can take a more hopeful tone, considering that we have seen adrien take those first steps to move out of gabriel's control - by going to public school and by becoming chat noir. the "one thing" for sure could be gabriel, but it can also be that, for sure, adrien will always find ways to escape gabriel.

in the post chorus, we get:

"and i can't wait to go outside and spend my summers contemplating what I'm gonna do with my life"

which lends hope to adrien's "one thing" being him able to escape because of the excited tone of the lines. he "can't wait to go outside" as chat noir, outside of the mansion, and take time to contemplate what he wants from his own life, for himself.

3. black light

black light is the second EP waterparks released, and it's another garage-band sounding EP. the main themes of this EP are: being frustrated with your situation and the people in it, and wanting to carve out a better future for yourself

4/6 songs on this EP can be considered adrien songs

christmas

this is!!!!such an adrien song!!!!!! this is one of the songs that i picture adrien's band playing in my au i mentioned earlier. we start the song with:

"i fell asleep last winter woke up and it was august not much has changed, yeah, i still feel the same but i’m slowly making progress"

which fits into the themes of adrien's character i talked about during airplane conversations of adrien going through the motions of what his father tells him to, but slowly trying to break out of that control and make progress for his own goals.

in the chorus we get:

"i’m just waiting and i’m just saying maybe the end is near but all that means is a new beginning"

this isn't like. super adrien related but i still think it deserves mentioning because of how it progresses through the song (which i will mention in a second), but i think it relates well to the "growing up/fearing the future" stuff we've talked about.

we get a featured singer sing this part (which in my au nino sings, it doesn't matter):

"i’m just waiting for my chance to put a picture of me, put a picture of me in the dream scenes of dream scenes of dream scenes of dream scenes of my ideal future"

which, again, relates to adrien wanting to be able to call his future his own, outside of his father.

and in the outro, we get the lyrics from the chorus changed up a little, so that we get:

"i was waiting and i was saying the end wasn’t ours to fear and all it meant was a new beginning"

in my head, because of the way the tenses change from present to past, this would be adrien's perspective after the events of his childhood and teenage years. but because his youth is also so tied up with being chat noir and defeating hawkmoth (who is his father) i think this is such. this is such an emotional and hopeful line, looking at this from adrien's point of view. after defeating hawkmoth, despite how truly grueling that might be for him, he becomes free from gabriel's control. growing up, defeating hawkmoth, facing the end of childhood means adrien can have a new beginning. he can have his ideal future.

american history

american history isn't fully adriencore but the line "the action's a fraction of how much this hurts" is very much "we're teenage superheroes fighting supervillains every day and somehow the action of the fights is not the worst thing that's happening in my life"

new wave

i actually named my au after this song because it's such a bright, upbeat song against adults who try to tell you the way the things you do isn't right. it fits right in with the theme of the au, and it can also be applied to ladybug and chat noir's fight against hawkmoth.

in the first verse we get:

"call it new wave say it like you should because a call to arms is a calling card and i’m calling soon hoping i can get through to you"

which is like. hawkmoth is "calling to arms" his akumas, which in turn acts as a calling card for ladybug and chat noir. the "i'm calling soon / hoping i can get through to you" is chat noir specific because of the fact that hawkmoth is his father; instead of just defeating him, adrien will probably feel some empathy towards his father and want to get through to him.

in the pre-chorus, we get:

"every single time you throw your white flag down and surrender like every single second's just another second spent to lose but this is something i can’t lose"

which translates to hawkmoth akumatizing a new person nearly every day but still pulling back and "surrendering" after the akuma is defeated. he's playing the long game; he's confident that, eventually, he'll defeat ladybug and chat, and so he doesn't really care if he loses another day. but for ladybug and chat noir, this is life or death. they can't afford to lose to an akuma even once or else they lose the miraculous, maybe their lives, and definitely paris. they can't lose.

the outro is a variation on the intro and it's:

"call it new wave until it's all washed up because we'll be crashing soon but before we do i hope i get through through to you"

which refers to ladybug, chat noir, and hawkmoth "crashing" together in their final battle, but, before they do, adrien hopes to get through to his father, connect with him. and maybe that might make the "crashing into each other" less severe.

night maps

night maps is another song that fit into my au; it starts with:

"i couldn’t keep up with watering myself down and so all that grew was the high tide until i drowned the oxygen had all run out and now i’m left dried up and standing here"

which translates to adrien being drained and watered down to be the image his father wants him to be. the rest of the song, however, is about finding a place for yourself and beginning the process of being yourself again, which, for adrien means being chat noir.

4. cluster

cluster rounds out the early garage-band EPs as the third and final EP. the main themes of this EP are: being separated from someone you love and feeling frustrated about your situation.

4/5 songs on this EP can be considered adrien songs

crave

this is a very bittersweet song about being in love, which makes it, for my intents and purposes, a very bittersweet song about being in love with ladybug. at the beginning of the song, we get:

"i wish i could forget you but it's out of hand i wish i was aggressive and had a plan"

in canon, adrien dated kagami, but still obviously had feelings for ladybug. he did, however, like kagami a lot, and so he might've wished that he could forget his feelings for ladybug, especially knowing she can't reciprocate and he had an amazing girl right in front of him. he wants a plan to get out of feeling for her and for feeling for kagami.

in the chorus, we get:

"i'm cravin', a getaway from the smooth talk, that's keeping me grounded to the, carpet in my room my quiet blue tomb of you"

as chat, adrien can't resist flirting with ladybug because that's the friendship they've established with themselves, and ladybug is always smoothly replying back to him with jokes of her own. her banter, as much as he loves it and values it, keeps him thinking about her when he's alone in his room instead of thinking about kagami. his love for ladybug shouldn't be - she can't love him back and he is in a relationship with someone else - and so his bedroom where his innermost desires come to light becomes a guilty sort of place.

territory

territory is so ladynoir it hurts. in the intro we get the lines:

"i wear my game face in your headspace where it's storming at least most days we are both like that we are both the same"

which translates to ladybug and chat meeting, at most points in time, in order to fight akumas - hence, they always have to have their "game faces" on. ladybug's headspace is "storming" most days because of her stress with being the guardian and fighting akumas - and they find solace in each other's company because they're both teenagers burdened with way more than they should be.

the bridge gives us:

"i'm gonna hunt you down cause i'm a handful i'm gonna freak you out but it's all substantial so bring me bad news anything you have to just to keep me on my toes"

which is how chat views the way he tells his feelings to ladybug; he knows she'll probably "bring him bad news" by rejecting him, but he wants to continue being around her in her territory - he wants to be her friend, and he also wants to keep loving her.

pink

pink can also be a song about adrien loving ladybug, especially with the chorus lyric of "you're one of my favorite few" which is just. SO sweet and romantic but anyway. in the pre-chorus we get the lines:

"i'll watch you from my telescope; my eyes stuck to my favorite show i barely get more than a glimpse but it's better than nothing, yeah, i know"

which is like. adrien doesn't really get to see ladybug often, at least not in a relaxed setting like he really wants to. he feels far away from her, but when he does get the chance to be near her, he tries to absorb as much from the interaction as he can, throwing out dumb puns, flirting, and generally trying to get to know her in between akuma fights. it's not the ideal way he'd choose to spend time with her, but it's better than nothing.

no capes

no capes is another song about adrien wanting to be different that what he should be (with lines like "the anything slash everything that i should be / but i don't want to be like that") but this one takes a more somber and scared tone, which could relate to the fears he feels as chat noir.

the pre-chorus is literally just the line "no one will ever love us the way that i do." for adrien, being chat noir is so important to him, considering his home life, and he knows ladybug likes him, but she doesn't love him. he loves their partnership, he loves her - he fears he'll be in a position where he's wanting this (being a superhero, being friends) more than she does.

in the bridge, we get the lines:

"i hope you watch me through the letdown 'cause no one will be here, be here forever"

which could translate to any anxieties he feels about what happens after they achieve their goal of defeating hawkmoth. adrien has a lot of issues - issues about adults in his life disappearing/dying or emotionally leaving him behind - and he doesn't want ladybug to be another person to leave him behind after everything is over. he wants to still be able to be friends with her, maybe even learn her true name. but he fears that won't happen.

5. double dare

with double dare, we've breached album territory: double dare was waterparks' first official album, and it started branching into more polished, pop-leaning songs. the main themes of this album are: being tired and frustrated with something that you should like and loving someone who may not love you back

5/13 songs on this album can be considered adrien songs

stupid for you

stupid for you is ladynoir. it's ladynoir so hard. i mean, we have lines like:

"you're yellow, i'm natural blue let's get together and be green like my insides"

which. okay i know adrien is generally seen as the yellow golden boy and he is! but like, looking at him in comparison to marinette/ladybug and actual color theory, he's more of a natural blue. he's more likely to fall victim to negative thoughts than marinette is; she's generally more positive, more 'yellow.' (also, when you consider that their character design colors are each other's colors when inversed, this also makes sense - adrien is 'blue' beneath his appearance and marinette is 'yellow') and the "let's get together and be green like my insides" relates because green is a chat noir color. he wants them, in their 'yellow' and 'blue' contrasting moods to get together and be green, like chat noir, who is generally silly and joking around. he wants them to be able to be silly together.

in the chorus, we get:

"hey, tell me what you want me to say you know i'm stupid for you hey, can you come and come out and play? you know i'm stupid for you"

which is like how he is after he's been rejected; he doesn't know what to say after she tries to get him to stop flirting. he wants her to give him blueprints of how to act so that she'll like him (i.e. what color rose he gives her), but he still wants to be around her and and joke around with her.

in the bridge, we get:

"Just double dare me And I promise now that I'll stay It's not like you're married but I still got carried away"

which further develops his insecurities in regards on how to interact with her - he knows she didn't like when he confessed to her, that it made her feel guilty and a little upset because she couldn't return her feelings, and he got carried away with his over-the-top methods. but if she were to ask him to stay with her, in any sense of the word, he would do it in a heartbeat.

in the second chorus, we get:

"you're playing ring around my head i wear you like a halo you're a symphony, i'm just a sour note i'll take what i can get the best is hard to grip when everybody wants you and everybody wants you"

which conveys how ladybug is always on his mind ("you're playing ring around my head") but he likes this fact - or at the very least he doesn't mind it ("i wear you like a halo"). he sees her as someone who is so good and so out of reach for him ("you're a symphony, i'm just a sour note") but he still wants to be around her as much as he can. he'll take what he can get in terms of her time and attention, because he knows how the entire city is vying for her attention - she's the face of paris and she's the guardian and she has her own life to attend to - he thinks that maybe to her, he's just another person in her life who wants her.

royal

royal is only kind of an adrien song with lines like "i'm two faced from your double exposure" about his conflicting personas between what his father wants from him and what he himself wants to be, and this is especially poignant because of the "double exposure" metaphor, like the cameras adrien is behind for his modelling jobs are what make him "two faced"

royal is also about working so hard but not knowing if the pay off is worth it, which also relates to adrien's job with his father.

take her to the moon

take her to the moon is a "adrien loving ladybug song" with lines such as:

"i wanna make my way into your kiss i wanna live inside your mind next to your favorite songs i won't slow my pace until your walkway i wanna lose my mood inside a late night phone call with you"

which such a sweet lovesick yearning idea that adrien has 100% thought about ladybug before. i rest my case

powerless

powerless is a ladynoir song. in the first verse we get:

"you know i'd make the time i'm just waiting on your green light yeah, i'll be at your porch by this time tomorrow 'cause i'm almost not fine, but i'd never let you know"

which is like. adrien is SO down to be anything ladybug needs - he has almost no time at all what with his father's schedule, but he will always make time for ladybug. he's literally just waiting for her to call, and he'll be there. but in terms of actually letting her know how important she is to him in his life, as both a friend and as someone he loves romantically, he can never tell her because he doesn't really want to worry her.

in the chorus we get:

"you're the only one that makes me powerless tonight all i am is losing track of time tell me why oh, oh you never really missed me back"

which leads us into the bridge:

"i want you to need me like i need you i need you to see me when I'm see-through it's sad but it's true: no one's waiting for you but i was thinking we could get away sometime yeah, let's call it a date and you can devastate my personal space i never liked it anyway"

and that tells us how strong his feelings are for her; they're so powerful that he's effectively powerless against her. but he feels as though he's the only one that feels that way - she never seems to miss him back. but he wants her to want him in the same way he wants her - he wants her to be able to see him, in all his details, and still like him. and he wants her to go on a date with him and actually get close to him - get up his personal space because with her, he doesn't actually want personal space.

i'll always be around

i'll always be around is guess what!!! another ladynoir song!!! the chorus gives us:

"you know i'll always be around i'd never never never leave you hanging out to dry because the world's gonna pass me by but if you wanted, i'd never never never leave your leave your side i'd never never never leave you out to dry i'd never never never get you off my mind"

which is so!!! relates to the previously mentioned ideas of adrien being willing to drop everything to do what ladybug asked. he's devoted and loyal to her - he always wants to be someone that she can rely on as both a friend and a partner, and, potentially, as a lover.

we also get the line:

"you stopped me in my tracks you caught me in a gaze"

which relates to the moment he fell in love with her when she stood up to hawkmoth in front of all of paris: in that single moment she'd caught him up into having feelings for her, even if she didn't know it.

and in the bridge we get:

"if there ever came a dark day (if there ever came a dark day) that crushed us out and took you away i'd chase you to the end i'd chase you to the end of the world"

which is so. so ladynoir. their relationship and friendship is constantly haunted by the threat of hawkmoth, and so this consideration of the terrible "what ifs" and the insistence that no matter what, he'd find a way to get back to her is like. yeah that's ladynoir.

6. entertainment

entertainment is the second album, and it continues leaning into the pop-alternative sound while still somehow sticking to the punk sound. the main themes of this album are: loving someone, loving someone who hurts you and isn't good for you, and feeling trapped in your circumstances

4/10 songs on this album can be considered adrien songs

11:11

this song is so!!!! adrien loving marinette core!!!!!! i actually wrote a fic that had one of the lyrics of this song as a title (my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room)

the pre-chorus actually gives us this line here:

"my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room and my heavy set of cares evaporates all around you evil comes in pairs and we like what we do you've got me feeling like a walking love song"

which just makes me think of the way adrien will be after the identity reveal happens. he already wants marinette to be ladybug (based off the sheer amount of times he's referred to her as 'the everyday ladybug' + every time he's gotten so close to discovering ladybug's identity and his brain has always gone, without fail, to marinette), and so when he realizes that she is ladybug, she'll quickly become the person he most wants to be around and the person he feels most comfortable around. because of how dismal his home life is, he'll probably spend a lot of time at her house, and he'll come to associate the stairs of her room with walking into love and comfort. he'll be absolutely smitten with her.

in the chorus, we get:

"i must've caught you from 11:11 the lucky number seven i try to hide with my words but you just find me clever i found a million places you'd be worth the chases to go-oh-oh"

which again just inscribes how strongly he would feel for marinette - and it's also kind of a pun because of how "lucky" he would be to have her. like. get it. lucky charm. anyway, his "hiding with his words" would refer to the way he disguises his feelings with humor, but she would be able to see past that - they would know each other so well. and, just like how i've said adrien is with ladybug, he would totally be willing to go anywhere and everywhere for marinette. this song is post-reveal adrinettecore.

lucky people

guess what fellas we have another song about adrien loving ladybug/marinette. after looking closely, it seems like we might have a post-reveal relationship sort of vibe here, but it doesn't really matter because bare bones? this song is about adrien loving ladybug who is also marinette.

we start with the verse:

"light us up until we pop i wanna burn bright 'til we're not let's keep each other safe from the world i'll be your optimistic black hole full of love i can't control let's keep each other safe from the world from the world"

which falls into the previously-discussed themes of adrien wanting to be around ladybug as much as he possibly can before they defeat hawkmoth and inevitable Something Different happens, and he also wants the both of them to stick together. the "i'll be your optimistic black hole / full of love i can't control" also relates to previously-discussed adrien themes where we know adrien is actually someone who is prone to negative thoughts, but he comes off as someone who is really optimistic, and also that he loves ladybug something fierce - it's a love that he knows has already scared her, but it's also a love that he feel like he can't help but feel.

in the chorus, we get:

"i know you said to mind my business but cupid sent me on a mission that's got me sitting, wishing, waiting for your call"

which plays into adrien's romantic nature conflicting with ladybug wanting to keep their feelings out of superhero work. regardless, because of his romantic nature, he will always be sitting and waiting for her to call him so that they can be together, even if it's just to fight akumas.

we also have the line:

"you've got me more than clumsy but you're my yellow, lovely"

which (SEASON 4 SPOILERS) after mr. pigeon 72 is like. adrien literally was so busy looking at marinette that he bumped his head against a car door. but he won't even mind!! because marinette/ladybug is a spot of brightness in his world that he absolutely adores.

rare

i am once again telling you that this song is about adrien loving ladybug. hear me out. i'm right. in the chorus we get:

"i just hope it's nicer where you are 'cause i only want to lift you up i guess i never really said enough for you to hear me where you are 'cause i only want to lift you up i guess i never really said enough so let me tell you now"

this is adrien hoping that, wherever and whoever ladybug is, she's living happily - at least more happily than him. he only wants to lift her up and support her, not only because he loves her, but also because he values her as a friend. but he feels like she doesn't know how much she truly cares about him - he feels like she brushes off when he tells her he loves her, so he wants to say it loud enough for her to truly understand.

and in the other half of the chorus, we get:

"my tired thoughts don't take vacations, oh no you float up in conversations, oh no you're my final destination, i know you're probably fine there just know i think you're rare"

which is where he tells her how he truly feels; he's always thinking about her, and when she comes up in conversation (which she does, she's ladybug after all), he feels some stress because he has all these feelings for her that his civilian self isn't supposed to have. and yet he feels like she's it for him - he loves her so much and can't imagine loving anyone else. she's his "final destination." and he thinks that she is so good and powerful and beautiful that she's rare in comparison to the rest of the world - which tells her how happy he is to have found her. (and, thinking about this line as if he's speaking to ladybug, it's funny for him to say that he thinks she's rare but refer to marinette as "the everyday ladybug." which really just tells you how highly he thinks of marinette)

sleep alone

we're rounding out this album with, you guessed it, another song about adrien loving ladybug. like. "i feel dead and a half but you're making me laugh" ?? which relates to adrien being overworked by his father but meeting ladybug in his spare time and managing to feel truly light hearted around her??

in the chorus we get:

"my face feels hot and blue my hands still count on you to let me down articulate and lonely enough for the two of us but if you want, if you want, if you want to you can call me on my phone, i'll run to you you won't ever have to sleep alone you can call me on my phone, i'll come to you you won't ever have to sleep, sleep, sleep alone"

which hints at how adrien knows that ladybug will continue to turn him down, but he can't deny his feelings for her ("my hands still count on you to let me down"). and he's lonely - isolated by his father - which he feels like he has enough to loneliness to cover the both of them, which is why he proposes that they stay together; he'll take on her loneliness, too. and, just like in all the adrien-loves-ladybug songs, we see that he is only a single call away from doing anything ladybug asks him too.

we also get the line "but if you want it you can have it, you can have me in full" which tells us that he respects her wishes to keep their identities a secret, and he understands that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him, but if she ever changed her mind - about either thing - all she would have to do is ask, and she would have him, entirely.

7. fandom

fandom is the third album, and it leans into not only pop-alternative sounds, but also rap and almost r&b alternative sounds. the main themes of this album are: wanting to be able to express yourself in the way you want, feeling separated from someone you love, and getting out of a bad relationship

7/15 songs on this album can be considered adrien songs

cherry red

starting off strong with the album's opener (which also starts with the ending music of the last song on the album which is- okay. this album's art. continuing on) which is - i'm thinking you're sensing the pattern - at least partly about adrien loving ladybug. cherry red is super short, and the only line that really applies is:

"cherry red you know i'd die for you"

which. cherry red refers to ladybug because of, you know, cherry red suit, etc. and the "you know i'd die for you" is. well. adrien has made it very clear that he will go out of his way during akuma fights to protect ladybug. it's not exactly dying, but it's close enough.

dream boy

dream boy is!!!!!!!! dream boy is THE adrien song!!!!! dream boy was the song that made me mold au adrien's band after waterparks, dream boy is the song that semi-inspired this post, dream boy is the reason i project adrien onto so much of waterparks' discography.

dream boy sounds a lot like a love song. but dream boy is, at it's core, a commentary on the way that media and fanbases treat conventionally attractive boys in the spotlight, and it's a commentary in the form of a bright, bubbly pop song. it's brilliant. it's adrien

the chorus, which is also the intro gives us:

"am i the boy you dreamed of? oh living in your subconscious, oh do you believe in love? oh and is it because of me?"

which is like. from the very start of this song, we get the idea that adrien (since we're supplementing the speaker as adrien, you get it) exists only as a the dream of a boy his fans have of the perfect boy. they believe in love because they love him, but they don't love the real him, they love the 'adrien' that they've constructed in their minds

in the verse, we get:

"build your expectations saturated and inflated 'cause i was born to be your favorite make me complicated i'm modern and i'm dated because i was born to be your favorite"

which builds on the manufactured feeling of adrien agreste. his public persona as a model was built by gabriel to make money - he was literally constructed as a teenage heartthrob "born to be your favorite" so that his father could profit.

and in the pre-chorus, we get:

"build-a-boy, pick my pieces overjoyed‚ never leave your heart destroyed, i'm your boy custom-made your beloved getaway i'm your favorite holiday you'll never be alone with me"

which is like. adrien is constantly rebuilding himself to fit the ideals other people want from him, and other people are constantly rebuilding him in their minds to fit the ideals they have for him. he isn't his own person - he's always belonged to other people, custom-made, depending on their preferences, to be the most likable he could possibly be.

high definition

high definition falls into the category of "songs about adrien loving ladybug while trying to be in a relationship with kagami." in my mind, i hear adrien in this song talking to two separate 'you's - both kagami and ladybug.

when the song starts, giving us the chorus we get:

"i'd love to be in love with you enough to write a love song, mmh i need to feel needed and i need it more than i let on"

which is adrien speaking to kagami. he wants to love her because he knows she deserves it and she's an amazing girl, but he can't. but he still needs that affection she gives him because he's lacking it in other parts of his life.

in the second half of the chorus, we get:

"i'll be home just thinking about it, maybe call like i used to but i'll just stay alone because alone is safer than with you"

which, in my head, is where he transitions to talking to ladybug. he still thinks about her and he wants to be with her, but he recognizes that those wants aren't responsible while in a relationship with someone else.

in a verse, we get:

"i know i'm not around enough to make me worth the wait it's like who wants to be close with someone who always goes away? and even when they're here it's like where's your fucking head at? why's it take so long to text back? you're so bad at loving people back"

which is where we see his relationship with kagami devolve. (SEASON 4 SPOILERS) i mean, this is almost literally why kagami breaks up with him; he's always running off for seemingly no reason, and even when he was around, he was emotionally distant because of his feelings for ladybug.

telephone

telephone is a HUGE ladynoir song. this is a song about how much chat wants to be able to get to know ladybug, which gives us lines like:

"i'd like to know your middle name let's talk about your parents and your future dreams i'm interested but distant to a fault and i'd never want to complicate your heart"

which is just like!! he wants to know all the little information about her like her middle name and her parents, but he also wants to talk about her and her dreams. he wants to know her, outside of the mask, but he knows that's not something she wants, so he tries to keep these wants tamped down.

the second verse gives us:

"i talk a lot, but we could fill your frames with pictures of our faces 'til we share a name i'm living on a target and you shot it with an arrow now i lost my self-control, i can't stop thinking and i'm thinking that i lost it all these aisles feel like miles where you go, i'll follow"

which, again, expresses his desire to be with her in her civilian life, even fantasies about marrying her. he is so stupidly in love with her - and, as i've talked about before, he is absolutely devoted to her. wherever she goes, he'll follow.

never bloom again

never bloom again is a little too sad for my to comfortably label it a ladynoir song but this line:

"now all the girls in los angeles look like you from a distance i tried to give you space until i stepped away from your brain and now i just miss it"

is very adrien-loving-ladybug-esque. replace 'los angeles' with 'paris' and you get adrien trying to find ladybug's features in every girl he meets while still trying to give ladybug space on their secret identities.

[reboot]

[reboot] isn't a really an adrien song, but it does reference dream boy, which is worth mentioning. in the chorus, we get the line:

"i never promised you your dream boy i'm better as your chew toy"

which could be like adrien's actual thoughts on his placement as paris' and his father's manufactured dream boy persona. he's not actually everyone's dream boy, he's just a toy for them to use a destroy.

zone out

zone out is a huge adrien song because it is literally just dream boy. zone out acts as a break before the last song in the album, and it is the lyrics to dream boy set to a softer, more lullaby-esque tempo and instrumental sound. it's a lot sadder than the normal dream boy, and you can really feel the fact here that dream boy is not a love song.

with zone out, we have adrien's actual quiet, sad feelings about dream boy. he wants to fill the dream boy role for his father, but he can't, really, because he can never live up to that level of perfection. he will always fall short.

8. greatest hits

and with that we have reached the most recent waterparks album. this album plays with experimental genre sounds even more so than the previous two, but is still unmistakably the "waterparks" sound. the themes of this album are: strange dreams and nightmares, struggling with being in the spotlight, and wanting to feel loved

7/17 songs on this album can be considered adrien songs

lowkey as hell

lowkey as hell isn't overtly an adrien song but the chorus plays on the common themes we've seen before:

"if you need me now i'll be there somehow i'll pick you up, we can ride i'll fly away like i bought my own airline i'll take you with me, we can ride"

which is basically that adrien will always be around to do anything ladybug needs - if she ever has the need to call to him, he'll always find a way to be there for her.

violet!

i won't go too in depth about it, but violet! is about a stalker and their victim, who is the speaker, and you cannot tell me adrien does not have any stalkers at all with the way the show portrays his fame. he's probably had to deal with his fair share of crazy fans, so i thought i'd mention violet! here.

snow globe

also not an overtly adrien song, but we get these lines in one of the verses:

"’cause all i hear is 'i love you so much' but it starts to mean nothing when my heart is shut from you my heart is shut from you my little tiny world is in your hands so shake it like a snow globe fuck my plans"

which talks about how the love adrien experiences as a famous model isn't the kind of love he wants - he wants feel loved by his father. but gabriel just uses him for the company - he holds adrien's tiny world in his hands, and uses that grasp to shake up adrien's world and disrupt the relationships adrien has with the outside world.

the secret life of me

this song is about fantasizing about running away to a new life, or to a secret life away from responsibilities, so like. adrien about how he's chat noir.

in the chorus, we get:

"sunbathe looking like a sunday wishing for a someday i could run away like that now i think i need a life or maybe 9 'cause i feel like i’m running out of time, yea

which plays on the ideas of running away. it's really fitting, i think, because of the reference to wanting 9 lives, which is definitely a pun adrien would make as chat noir

american graffiti

this is another song about struggling with being in the spotlight, which relates to adrien. in the chorus, we get:

"yeah, you've been reading all about me and you're loving what you found i'm like american graffiti you want some glitter, drink it down yeah, you've been seeing all about me taking notes, yeah, write it down i'm like american graffiti if you need me, i'm here now if you need me, i'm here now"

which relates to the themes brought up during dream boy: we have this circumstance of people finding adrien, learning all there is to possibly know about him, and deciding that they love this version of him they see in the media. the "if you need me, i'm here now" also refers to the dream boy theme because of how this version of adrien that exists in most people's heads will always be there to comfort them and "love" them in a parasocial relationship.

fruit roll ups

fruit roll ups is yet another adrien-loving-ladybug song in which he talks about wanting to invite her over so they can watch movies together and also how much he feels for her.

in the first verse, we get the lines:

"when you talk it's in cursive to me and it's nicer than anything i'd believe about me it's like that shit was written in gel pen and i love those"

which is not. super important but it's cute! also the line "and it's nicer than anything i'd believe about me" also might refer to the way ladybug reassures him of his placement as a hero and a friend in her life, which are things he continually finds hard to believe. so it's also sad!

crying over it all

speaking of sad this last song is another adrien-loving-ladybug song and it is. sad.

the pre-chorus is:

"so practice your passion on me give me your 100 degrees i'll die off whenever you need an afternoon just to breathe soon everyone will be gone they'll forget my albums, i hope you'll be here when it's done and i'm crying over it all, yeah"

first of all. i go insane every time i hear the line "so practice your passion on me." now that we've gotten that out of the way let's continue on. we have the line "I'll die off whenever you need" which refers to chat's tendency to sacrifice himself for ladybug during akuma fights, and these lines also express that familiar desire he has of wanting ladybug to stay beside him after the events of whatever will happen next actually happen.

and in the chorus, we have:

"and all i think about is where you might be and when i'm swallowed down i'd say it's for you, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh i'd say it's for you, yeah, yeah, yeah"

which refers to how adrien wonders about ladybug when they're apart - he wants to know about her and how she spends her free time, but he can't know these things, not yet. and the line "and when i'm swallowed down / i'd say it's for you" would refer metaphorically (maybe sometimes literally) to the things he does during akuma fights for her to make sure they succeed.

and in another verse, we get:

"cherry red's your touch a touch i'm failing to feel, or feel enough to love you safely “who?”, “what?”, “when?”, and “why?” all drive me crazy please make me sane for you"

again using the phrase "cherry red" to refer to ladybug, her touch something that adrien can't feel enough of because their relationship is strictly platonic, but he wants more. he wants to know the 'who, what, when, where, and why's of her life, but he can't, and it drives him a little crazy. in contrast to being "stupid for her" back in double dare, he wants to be "made sane for her" so that he can have some feeling of peace in their relationship after getting rejected.

9. conclusion

the biggest conclusion we have here is that im insane. the second biggest conclusion we have here is that i have the amazing ability to project adrien onto a very large portion of waterparks' discography, and i'm right in doing so. an equally important takeaway is that adrien needs a hug and also that he loves ladybug. thank you for your time

#adrien agreste #ml meta #adrien agreste meta #miraculous ladybug #ml #mlb #my meta #literally if anyone reads this the full way through you are stronger than the us marines. i mean this literally #me: i will make a fun post about the songs i project onto adrien!#also me: takes it way too seriously #i should've just done it based on memory and saved everyone the trouble of this stupid huge post but im stubborn #and love making things harder for myself.#i literally looked at the lyrics for every single waterparks song and considered whether or not i could project adrien onto them #this post took me. an embarrassingly long time. so long. i will not say how long but so long.#and don't get me wrong. it's not embarrassing because of how long it took me - it's a long thorough post so obviously it would take long #what is embarrassing is the fact that it is a long post about projecting adrien agreste onto songs and also that i unironically reference #an mlb radio rebel au multiple times unironically throughout the course of this post. THAT is embarrassing #speaking of my mlb radio rebel au i really need to finish that. hopefully i can work on it over the summer #anyway. i have to go to sleep now because it's stupid o'clock. im running on fumes. everything's great #goodnight i WILL be reblogging this when i wake up. i want to burden as many people as possible with its existence as it has burdened me

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theokotrain · 4 years ago

Text

Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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nofliight · 4 years ago

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: stole it from @sternenteile and honestly others tbh tagging: TAKE

my muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ for better or for worse, he’s THE face of kid icarus, after all. he’s a dork and funny and likeable and even if the fandom tends to get him WRONG (thanks smash bros) there’s no denying his popularity ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ i don’t??? think so??? most people are too busy talking about how they think he’s like 5 ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ EVEN THE FANDOM AIN’T GONNA MESS THIS UP. MAN FIGHTS GODS. CALL THAT WEAK. ]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ make no mistake - pit’s got fans and plenty of them but he’s so MISTREATED by the fandom. his character is a lot more complex than he gets credit for and smash bros in particular is a big reason people think he’s just Big Dumb Baby Man ]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. [ HE’S THE MAIN CHARACTER, THE CENTRAL FIGURE UPON WHOM THE NARRATIVE IS STRUCTURED AROUND, YEAH HE’S PRETTY RELEVANT. Uprising is literally made to tell the story of a war exclusively through the perspective of a single side and Pit (and Palutena) are the EMBODIMENT of that whole side. ]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ and a perfect one at that. he’s literally a perfect protagonist don’t tell me i’m wrong cause i’m not ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ pit is beloved by humans... and mocked by the Gods. seen by most as a spineless extension of palutena’s will, most “respect” of any variety goes to palutena while he gets treated as a joke 99% of the time... and it’s not like Palutena gets too much respect either ]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (????) [ Uhhhhhh... it’s an odd one. Short answer is that Pit’s a good samaritan who’s done a lot of good BUT most of the gods think protecting humanity is a Folly and a Joke and that Pit’s just a pawn of Palutena’s and while the humans do hold a lot of respect for him, uh............. let’s just say, some humans on the surface have reasons not to be too happy with him. ]

How strictly do you follow canon? — about as much as I need to to respect one of my favorite video games of all time. while kid icarus uprising is a comedic game most of the way through it has a lot more nuance and depth to itself, its world, and its characters than one can see at first glance, even after a full playthrough. if you let yourself get invested in the characters, take a closer look at the dialogue it provides, and acknowledge the central, core storytelling message of the game for what it is, there’s a lot more to pull out than one would think. that being said, it’s still a comedic video game and one that I think could use some more expansion. though the game is inconsistent there seems to be the consensus that pit is like a child and I’m not into that, mine’s a bit more showing in his cynical and snarky side after all he’s been through and overall there’s a lot of expansion on the base while building it into something unique.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — imagine your typical bootstrapped anime protagonist. someone who, when younger, was a runt who couldn’t meet the expectations of others, was looked down on, and found himself crushed and hurt and near-killed by a great tragedy that he was forced to claw his way out of to make himself stronger. Now imagine all of that with a character who comes out still able to have a very real smile and ultimately comes out of it a self-assured, chipper goofball with a good heart. now put that together with all of the darkness and depth you would have expected to be there, but scattered realistically throughout the attitude of someone who does genuinely want to keep a positive attitude. someone who is sincerely an optimist who’s grown past his weaker days, but isn’t quite so simple as he’d like to believe. all of that combined with someone who can’t read, is willing to eat ice cream off the floor in times of duress, is extremely easy to fluster and can channel his goddess’ power to slay GODS? you got one strong man.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — his positive attitude is what most people will see when speaking to him, because for what it’s worth, he’s not actively lying about his depth. he’s a cheerful, jovial man with a big smile and a love of the world around him - which is all well and good, but his depth is something you have to find, even if it is reasonably clear if you’re willing to look. he’s also portrayed as a bit unreasonably dumb at times, and though I personally justify the worst of it with proper explanations, I can understand reducing some of the value of the character in favor of seeing all of his Jokes

What inspired you to rp your muse? — i made my original pit blog, flightlesswarrior, on a total whim after playing kid icarus uprising. cute character, fun premise, why not? but over time, and with numerous plots I was able to take part in exploring the serious, not so serious, shipping, tragedy, and going back through the game to keep my muse rolling, it occurred to me more and more with time just how nuanced and interesting pit and co. really are. pit embodies many of the things i really, truly love in a protag, falling firmly on the side of good, having a heart of genuine gold, and having nuances and parts of his personality that are less than savory without making him seem like a contradiction. he’s got depth, he’s got story, there’s a lot to explore and flesh out... and he’s also just a nice, friendly guy who gets along well with others. plus, i’m drawn to dorks.

What keeps your inspiration going? — a) love for Kid Icarus: Uprising. a game that helped me gain a deeper and more insightful understanding of character development, subtle storytelling, optimism still tinged with legitimate and healthy cynicism, and overall something that changed my understanding of character development and storytelling forever. and b) spite. the fandom treats him like an idiot baby and smash DOES NOT help matters so i have to remind others that he is a veteran of a war, a socially inept loser with few real friends, and someone who’s kindness and optimism was shaped and molded by its hardships in a way that doesn’t require a near-breaking point or a reminder that “this guy could be evil you know” to show how someone can still keep a positive attitude in spite of all the shit life throws at him.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO [ i’d like to think i have?? but i also acknowledge that he’s become something of his Own in some ways that do intentionally diverge from sakurai’s intentions. ultimately though, even though i may not play him completely true to text, i try to be as loyal as i can be to the spirit of the character. ]

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ when i can!! but??? the problem is my mind really, really likes to reiterate the Same Damn Points i have to make with characters that draws me to them - and you know, writing the same hcs over and over is generally considered poor form?? ngl i also prefer to let the writing do the talking unless it’s something that’s not gonna show so 90% of the time pit’s open enough that all but the darker sides of his mind are lain out before you. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [ maybe??? once or tWICE???? but i need to write more ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ I REALLY DO, HOO MAMA. i have a lot of thoughts about him, his depth, potential relationships, goofy thoughts, more serious fanfic ideas im never gonna write and don’t get me started on how many SHIPS i have to think about for him ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO [ my portrayal is made out of spite for portrayals in the fandom and some supplementary material that gets him wrong - it’s kinda hard to do that without the confidence ]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO / ??? [ it’s uhh........ complicated??? i don’t think writing is my expertise, tbh. but it is the best way i have to show the passion i have for characters, by putting their nuances into actions, by allowing them to shine from who they are their core, by exploring relationships and scenarios and struggles and hope and everything that can flesh a character out. whether or not i’m a good writer is something i’m still sorting out - but i’m proud of my ability to develop a character, and to that end i feel like i’m doing fine ]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORTA. [ on one hand......... very. i have a tendency to overthink everything i do and look back at moments i made an ass of myself that keep haunting me throughout my day - they haunt me. i only have two fears: what my immediate friend group thinks of me and the crushing existential weight of worrying one day i’m gonna ruin everything i am SOFT. that being said, i’m also hardheaded and stubborn and i’m not afraid to go off on someone i don’t have much respect for if it comes down to it. i’m easy to anger when it comes down to it you know i guess that proves the point huh i’m not stonefaced at all ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — i try to? it’s a bit touchy for me I admit just because I do take portrayals and try to make them my own, but i am willing to listen if someone has any points they’d like to make that i haven’t acknowledged properly. if criticism IS had, lemme know, i do wanna hear it!

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — Y E S

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — not that everyone who disagrees with my opinions has to explain themselves of course, but i do sincerely like the chance to learn if something i’m doing doesn’t quite feel right. even if it’s one-sided and i’ll come to disagree, i’m happy to listen! even if i don’t agree with the disagreement head-on, i like to keep them in mind and see what i can shift around to acknowledge them if necessary

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — neutral?? i mean don’t be mean about it, but if you just think my pit doesn’t seem right or it doesn’t click right with your muse i’m not gonna throw a fit about it. everyone’s allowed to view a character in their own way - and even if i may get salty about those who oversimplify him, it IS anyone’s right to view him how they will.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — agree to disagree tbh. i can’t pretend it wouldn’t disappoint me, but it’s not like, worth ending a friendship over or anything. everyone’s got their own viewpoints to run on

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — sure, within reason! i take pride in my grammar but i know that with my fast typing and often running on only a few hours of sleep some problems do slip in through the cracks. while i generally either catch them or just Die with them i’m all ears if i mess up

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — uhhhhhhhhhh well i’m?? kind of a socially anxious mess honestly which DOES make being easy going a bit difficult BUT i do try and be friendly and sociable as i....... can. i’m too scared to talk to people and CAN say some dumb things but i’m not a hardass or anything!! i like to talk and Yell and shitpost and pretty much do anything but write tbh DHFLKSJDF

#about.#ooc.#hi! i Die for Pit #god this has been in my drafts for MONTHS thanks to my dash for finally reminding me to post this hsdfdfs

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avvidstarion · 4 years ago

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For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher. however it is still number four because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit. the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks.

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun.

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas.

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My Way Home is Through You

my reasoning:

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it’s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

#mcr #asks #anon #SERIOUSLY. ILY. MWAH.

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years ago

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EPISODE EIGHT

“I'd say now more than ever it is evidently clear that there is two very prominent sides of the house.” - jev

HOH: Joshua UPSIDE DOWN: Nathan NOMINEES: Brianna & Jacob POV: Jev FINAL NOMINEES: Brianna & Jacob EVICTED: Jacob (5-0)

JEV

So Josh is gone and I'd say now more than ever it is evidently clear that there is two very prominent sides of the house. The first being myself, Emma, Kiki & Joshua with the other side being Nathan, Brianna, Jacob and Joey with Aria sitting very comfortably in the middle. How much further I make it in this game completely depends on who wins these next couple of HOHs, if our side wins we need to be strategic and send one of their side to the upside down to chop their numbers as much as possible so we have majority for the vote. Ideally I want to see Brianna and Jacob split up but I'm not sure how realistic that is, Nathan definitely needs to leave ASAP too.

ARIA

heyooooo!!! new week new strats!!! Ive honestly been kinda slacking recently so im not gonna do my usual bullet point thing but i do want to talk about last week's plans and then this week as well so!! lets get into it!!

So nathan wins hoh woot woot! thank god tbh bc my hiding vote shenanigans failed (honestly the attempt itself is embarrassing LMAO)but with nathan winning hoh i knew i had a week to reintegrate myself into the house after the shitshow called live night. So from there its clear that its 5 v 5 ALTHOUGH nathan almost nommed bri/jacob bc apparently they talked shit or something so that was really stressful- speaking of i need to talk with nathan more oopsie whoopsie- I think that its likely he could lean more towards joshua/kiki/jev side this week due to the sc he was given but who knows.

So wabam nathan makes his noms and im thinking,,,yknow having these sides are kinda cute and it wouldnt benefit me to have someone like josh c in this game whos playing the middle and honestly is in the same position as i am (theres not enough room for the two of us>:((( ) So i then turned my sights on josh c to eliminate first by turning jacob into the fact "heyyyy, josh c is super smart and playing the middle we should wabam him" and then he spreads that idea and when joshua wins veto it was like the stars aligned!!! From there it was kinda a done deal and i think he hates me now esp bc i sent a REALLY bad gbm but its fine!!!! Everything is fine!!!!!!!!!!!

But okay this week!! So coming into this week the "other side" won hoh (thank GOD or this wouldve been an ugly steamroll) and my goal this week is for Jacob to go, i think jacob has been a star player so far and super smart with his moves, hes close to all my allies and just a threat to win esppp compared to the other three potential people who could leave

1.Nathan- half the people in this game hate him, he might be a good f2 option bc maybe the jury will be more bitter at him than they will be w/ me uwu

2. Bri- she has my HEART!!!! Also she isnt super social with other people and i would love to have a f2 with her oh my GOD

3.Joey- apparently we're a duo and idk what hes done in this game so wabam easy peasy f2 pls and thank (thats a joke pls dont hate me)

^^^ my reasoning in no particular order

okay thats it kat is bullying me

JEV

I'm so happy Joshua has won the HOH for the third time consecutively that he's been eligible :sob: It means we can slim down the other sides numbers again and make it 4v3 with Aria in the middle, which I'm pretty sure is how I think everyone sits in the house at the moment. Preferably I'd like to see Nathan or Jacob leave this week, but also wouldn't be mad to see Brianna leave, I just need to make sure Joshua sends one of their side to the upside down to ensure we have the majority of the votes.

EMMA

https://youtu.be/a_-i4sIcDGI

ARIA

hi daily reminder Bri has my ENTIRE heart shes so fucking sweet and joshua also had my heart hes so fun and sweet to talk with they both deserve the WORLD!! I see any bri or joshua slander i WILL be throwing hands <3

JEV

Also let it be known that even though I haven't listed Aria in who I would like to see leave, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I know she's playing or at least thinks she's playing everyone like a fiddle but I see right through her. I know she's for sure good with 90% of the people left in the game and that doesn't sit right with me, so she will be dealt with. But right now I need to ensure Joshua stays focused and takes out people who have the comp wins to back up their social games.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1BBeyRUKg4&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=9&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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pokefanbri · 4 years ago

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1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

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idealisticrealism · 8 years ago

Text

Blindspot recap 2x14

(Aka the one with Rich and the secret society)

Aaaah okay so I have had basically zero available time to do this review and this is the latest I’ve ever gotten it posted (still before the new episode though so at least there’s that) but please to not assume my lateness is reflective of my feelings for this ep because honestly my love for it knows no bounds

So if you have time before the new ep, see below the cut for a lot of screaming over Rich haha

Okay firstly let's not talk about how old I was in 2001 and how very NOT college-aged I was because that would make my gigantic crush on Rich just a little awkward haha. But omg this scene. The music and the remote control car with the laser and their OUTFITS omg and okay I desperately need to know what is going on with that goatee situation bc it looks so wrong and I don't know if that's just because I'm used to the beautiful beard or what. Given the time it would take him to grow that beard back, have they literally just put a prosthetic over his actual beard to make it look like unshaven skin?? I need to know. Hell, I’m gonna ask Ennis, he'll probably tell me lol. Tbh that guy has gotta be sick of seeing my name on his twitter notifications by now haha. But also lbr I kinda have a hard time believing Rich (or Gord, rather) didn't get straight A's anyway? I mean he's a genius, after all. Though I guess he had other, cooler things to spend his time on rather than study. Probably involving more lasers. And then aaaahhh they're caught (lbr those outfits are a crime in themselves haha) and while I didn't expect Rich's charm (lol, if it can be called "charm") to work on cops (or campus security?) literally who the hell tasers someone just for being irritating?? I assume that was a bit of artistic licence bc a cop would get strung up for doing that here. Plus you cannot tell me that Rich wouldn't have had lawyers (or law student friends, idk) all over that. But anyhow.

Reade. Dude. Get your shit together, because you're a damn mess. And so is your apartment, since you and your lil drug honey have apparently trashed the place. And now you're gonna be late to work, again? Ugh. He needs to grow a set and tell Nikki to leave and stay gone. Maybe he should get Tasha to do it since she's clearly got more balls than he does...

Speaking of being a mess, here's my poor baby Weller, who is messed up for a slightly more legitimate reason (or a myriad thereof). And so wait, a whole weekend has passed since the last ep? So Weller's only just telling Jane and Nas now? What was he doing this whole time? Maybe he was having a bender of his own in his apartment... but ugh Jane is immediately reassuring and tells him it's not his fault and that there was nothing he could do. Because she's nothing if not a supportive wifey. (Wait maybe he already told Jane over the weekend and he’s just telling Nas for the first time now. It’s possible so I’m running with it haha). Anyway he's clearly torn up about it though and you can tell his ~THING~ with Shepherd is building into what's going to be an epic arch-nemesis showdown at the end of the season. But for now, Nas has magically conjured some property records for 'Ellen Briggs', including places in Wisconsin, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida, Colorado, and New Jersey. That's a decent number of states to have lived in?? Though I guess the whole army thing involves a fair bit of shifting around. With this new info, though, they can send Jane and Roman to the places and see if they trigger any memories, since they might have lived at some of them too. Which is kind of a bummer because it means that Jane's gonna be off with Roman and Nas and isn't gonna get to hang with her buddy Rich much :(

Ooooh update: Ennis answered me, apparently they saved the '2001' scene for the end of filming, then shaved his usual beard down to the chin beard. Tbh I am personally offended by the murdering of that beautiful beard but he assures me it lives again now haha

Anyway back to the case, Patterson has just interrupted (which is perfectly acceptable/even welcomed whenever Nas is in the room) to say there's a tattoo they need to see. And ugh Weller's reaction is the sweetest, going all concerned big bro and telling her she should be at home. But by the look of things, she had the weekend off, which is a pretty good effort for her? And ugh she saw a doctor who cleared her medically but it's clear that she still needs to be checked out psychologically and ughhhh my baby I hate that this has happened to you. But anyhow because Patterson's a genius, she'd already figured out that the tattoo contained an equation which, for reasons that I am not smart enough to comprehend, would solve itself today and somehow involve Lithium and a secret society at Jameson College called Daedalus. Of course Rich went to a college that shares a name with one of my favourite alcoholic beverages. And again we have a perfect moment where Zapata gets to shine, explaining who Daedalus was and then adds "stop looking at me like that when I know things". Damn straight, Reade, show your awesome partner some more respect. She's a smart lady. And then he makes a joke about the college kids maybe mixing lithium with jager and doing shots and lbr Reade with your newfound proclivities you don’t really get to judge anyone for what they put in their body. But anyhow Patterson brings up a list of the Daedalus members, and who else appears on it but Gord Enver, aka Rich DotCom. The team manage impressively well at suppressing their groans-- though lbr, Weller was actually pretty quick to say that they needed to bring Rich in. He didn't even look for alternatives. Like sure, Rich does like to talk, an he has a soft spot for the team, but... aw Weller, were you missing your hairy homie??

Okay Rich has been onscreen for all of a second and I already can't deal with this. The others all there awaiting him like some kind of royal welcoming committee-- and he definitely ACTS like returning royalty. I'm so intrigued to know if his newfound religion(s) was just a spur of the moment thing when he heard he was going back to the FBI-- maybe he was like "hmmm how can I annoy them even more than usual" and then turned to his cellmates or whoever and was like ‘hey I need to borrow your stuff’ lol. Or maybe he'd just been bored in prison and the library was fairly limited? Either way literally everyone's faces here are precious, especially Jane, who I think tends to be more perplexed by Rich than anything else (probably because she knows she shouldn't like him but does). Speaking of faces, Weller's "hurry the hell up you idiot" face as Rich is praying in the interview room-- which looks like a very fun version of praying-- is priceless. Rich freaking ending his prayer with 'bless this mess' earned my first shriek-laugh of the episode, followed closely by the second when Weller asked for help and he answered 'say no more' and gracefully slid the bible/Koran (can’t see which) across the table. Honestly as much as I love all the characters on this show, Rich is always gonna be a special case for me. I just adore this little shit. Speaking of which, he's refusing to help on grounds that he's already busy investigating ‘the spiritual plane’ and ugh everyone here knows he's gonna help them, that he WANTS to help them, but he can never make things easy. Weller tries threats, Nas tries insulting him (you have much to learn Nas, lol) whereas Jane just gets straight to the point, showing him the formula and the tattoo on her back, knowing it will shock him free of his play act. (Though I love that he throws in "let he who is without sin..." to Weller when Weller is getting judgy. You know, he has a point weller, you aren't exactly innocent either buddy) Also omg "Oh Gott im Himmel" Aaaahhhh Rick speaking German is an instant favourite thing for me. Two things I love combined haha. And good lord, there is too much to love about this scene. Weller's "I'm already distressed" (possibly the most truthful thing he's ever said), Rich trying to cross himself with cuffs on then quoting Matthew '24:7', then getting to ominously foretell an impending war.... please make him a regular, writers, I need it

And then ugh yes we're in the bullpen which means Rich interacting with the rest of the team (while Jane rolls her eyes at him in the background lol). Patterson explains-- with interruptions from Rich, naturally-- that lithium is getting super pricey so technically it would be cheaper to invade another country (by deliberately starting a war with a fake terrorist attack) and steal theirs. They just don't know which country, or who's planning it. Tasha catches on first which is funny bc she's actually often the one most... in tune?... with Rich. She tends to be able to cut through his bullshit to the bottom line of a matter and I think he digs that about her. Also Weller is having trouble pronouncing Daedalus correctly haha. But anyhow Rich points them towards a guy called Zack Riley, who was one of the guys who broke into the college with him back in the day and who Patterson seems to have a little geek-crush on. Which Rich is not at all pleased about-- maybe he's worried about losing his spot as their favourite (term used loosely) billionaire computer genius lol.

And then what's this?? Rich insists they need Boston too, since he's also a member of Daedalus and can help. Mmmhmm, I'm sure that's the reason, and not that Rich is trying to win him back haha, since these two definitely seem to be in the middle of a spat. But even better than Rich and Boston's relationship is that of Patterson and Boston-- the moment she walks in and sees him she literally makes an "Ughhhhh" sound. Oh my precious little supergenius sassmaster nemeses, this is gonna be gooood. And so it turns out there just happens to be an Alumni event on at Jameson right now that will be the cover for a secret Daedalus meeting, and since they already have two members, why not sneak in? I love that the conversation immediately gets derailed by Boston and Rich bickering ("how many times do I have to say I'm sorry??" "ONE time!" omg) before Weller tells them they'll be taking dates. And ugh Boston is being all belligerent like he's not going to help them and then bam Weller tells him he can have him transferred to a prison near LA so his parents can visit him more easily, and ugh he didn't have to do that. He could have made threats, like he made to Rich, but instead he recognised a way that he could make Boston's life better and offered it to him. Ugh my baby. Rich doesn't need any threats or bonuses; though he says he'll do it for spiritual reasons, as always, he's totally in it for the game. (And secretly for his love of the team and wanting them to approve of him)

Ughhhh Weller and Jane having their own private little conference in the corner of the lab (while Rich and Patterson fight over the touchscreen thing like siblings, which was all apparently ad-libbed and I'm delighted about it) and ugh Jane wants to stay and be with the team in case they need her but Weller asks her to go with Nas and Roman to the houses instead, because getting a lead on Shepherd is his biggest priority but he can't do this, only she can, so he's relying on her. And she recognises that, which is why she agrees to go (but before she does he grips her arm and looks at her with those expressive eyes and ughhh look at these two being a unit againnnnn). Then mom heads off while dad stays with the kids, assigning Patterson to Boston-- it's hard to tell who's less pleased about it, but I'm in love with Patterson's comic-con line (particularly since I met Ashley at Comic Con last year). And then omg "Rich, you take Tasha" "Which one's Tasha?" hahaha cmon, like you don't know, Rich. You love giving her as much shit as she gives you. You two are practically buds. But he's right, she's really not his type. There's only one person in the FBI who is (I'm excluding Jane from this because I don't think he considers her to be FBI). Though tbh I think even if Jane had been there as an option Rich would have still chosen Weller just for the fun of making him uncomfortable lol.

And so this episode gives us one of the greatest gifts of the show so far: Weller and Rich, out on a date. Which so far has entailed Rich 'helping' Weller out of the car, and Weller informing him that he has just drunk water with a tracking isotope in it so he can't escape them. I love the "You are so controlling... Why do I keep coming back to you" because he really doeessss. He keeps coming back. And well, Weller is a control freak haha. Oh but the real brilliance comes from the other pair, Patterson ignoring Boston's politely extended hand as she gets out of the car and then implies that he and Rich broke up because Boston's 'the worst person ever' and ughhh I love the antagonistic relationship between these two. At least they can get through the door, though, whereas Rich and Weller are turned back due to something Rich did to piss someone off in the past. And Rich is all "Oh well. Hey let's go check out the carnival!" like this is a real date and ugh he is the cutest??? Literally how can anyone not love this man. Instead, to his disappointment, Weller makes him find a way to sneak in-- aka though old hallways/tunnels that he used to use to sneak in hookers. And then they have a ~moment~ as they bond over their mutual prankster school days. Well, at least Rich thinks they're having a moment. Weller just has slightly less heat in his voice when he tells him to shut up. Then they get to the door, which no longer has a handle, so Weller kicks it open. Literally kicks it off its hinges, in fact, and while I know Weller is strong, that was a VERY solid old door. No way its hinges would give like that. But anyhow luckily no one was on the other side of that door, because they'd be out for the count right now. And after such a dramatic entrance, security is immediately onto them-- but then an old friend vouches for Rich and sends away the guards-- before looking properly at Weller with what can only be described as a 'hubba hubba' gaze. Rich promptly introduces him as his HUSBAND Kurt Enver (*shriek laugh*) and lays his head on his shoulder. Weller valiantly tries to roll with it, but the other guy is like ‘nope, this guy's got hooker written all over him' and oh Weller, I bet you never expected to find yourself in a situation where you'd prefer to be Rich's husband??? And then they talk about his burly arms and how the other guy would 'back that stallion' and calls him a meat trophy and omggggg there is nothing I love more than hypermasculine men experiencing what it's constantly like for women to be treated like sex objects by other men. Although lbr I think Weller's enjoying this a tiny bit bc he didn't have to smile at all during that conversation-- he could have just stood there all strong and impassive-- but he was practically grinning and ugh this is the beeeessssst. Also he then talks to Zapata and Reade over the comms and man I hope they heard that whole conversation because that would make my day. Btw as a sidenote, they say that the party guest that tried to keep Rich out had a pharmaceutical company that raised the cancer drug prices by like 1000%. And again, this show is totally unafraid to pull things from the current news and pass judgement on them...

Shepherd lived in Robinhood lane? I bet she picked it because she felt she was a Robin Hood that was helping the poor by taking down the rich. And lol Nas wants to go inside to see if it triggers anything for them and Jane is all 'what if it's a trap' and Nas goes 'With you two? I'll take my chances.' And wow that's the first likable thing she's said in a long time. Tbh she's right, too-- if I had to be ambushed, I'd want to have the mayhem twins there to protect me haha. But ugh Roman and Jane are unable to believe they could have grown up in such a normal looking place rather than like a barracks or something and it's so sad? And then Roman gets so upset because he can't remember anything and when Jane says 'I know how you feel' (which she does tend to say a lot) he yells 'then why don't you FEEL it??" and ugh damn Luke just SELLS all of Roman's emotions and I'm just so impressed with how good he is. But He has a point-- Jane doesn't feel what he feels, and that's partly because she's had time to adjust (she was definitely very upset in early S1) but also she knows things that he doesn't know. She has answers, and that makes a huge difference. I love that even when he gets aggressive, Jane doesn't back away-- she moves closer, speaking gently to him. She just wants to soothe him, but it's not possible, not when he's still missing so much of himself. And definitely won't be possible when it's revealed that she zipped him, because mannnn does he wanna kill Shepherd for that, so thing are gonna get really ugly when he leans the truth.

WELLER INSTIGATES THE DANCING. I REPEAT, WELLER INSTIGATES THE DANCING. AaaaaaahhhhHHHHHH. Rich is craning his neck trying to see who their target is talking to and Weller is the one to pull him onto the dancefloor so they can surreptitiously (term used loosely since they're a little distinctive) move closer. I love these two, and I love that Weller's letting himself 'loosen up' a little. Tbh I think a part of him does actually like Rich. It helps that Sully and Ennis get along so well because they are just totally able to sell all their interactions ugh. Then they head up to the office to find the target's hidden laptop, and Rich monologues about the guy having stolen something from him, but in doing so practically set him on the path to being Rich DotCom. But think about that, Rich-- if he'd never wronged you, sure you could maybe be a rich famous computer wiz like him, but you would have never gotten to work with this team or meet your 'husband' Weller, or be here playing super spy right now.... so maybe he did you a favour?

Alone in the van, Zapata and Reade finally have a moment to talk, and she calls him out on not being himself today. Thankfully he doesn't just brush it off like he did a few days ago-- I think he's recognised that he needs to get out of the quicksand pit he's in but he can't do it on his own. So he tells Zapata, who he knows won't stand for it. And she won't; she's pissed and incredulous that he would be stupid enough to date (term also used loosely) the ex of the murderer who he helped to flee the city. Weller interrupts their conversation but I'm at least comforted by the fact that Zapata won't let this go. She will get Reade back onto the straight and narrow even if it means camping on his couch and sending away anyone that knocks on the door, dammit

While Rich and Weller find the laptop, Patterson and Boston are trying to figure out how to get the password off the key fob that the target carries with him at all times. After a bit of sniping, Boston has an idea, and grabs Patterson's hand to pull her over to the guy and introduces her as the love of his life, which confuses the guy (I loved his "I thought you were...", though hey cmon, bisexuality can exist, buddy). And lol Patterson is gushing over him which isn't completely fake? Like she did seem like a fan earlier. But meanwhile Boston has picked his pocket and shows her the code over the guy's shoulder, and of course she memorises the dozen or so digits in a moment and then is like 'okay great to meet you byyeeeee' haha before telling Weller the password over the comms. Nice work, team. Except for some reason the guards are suddenly headed their way, which is unfortunate. I do love the parallel to the hacking at the start, where Rich is on the computer and the person with him is like 'we gotta go!'-- and like that time, they get completely busted. And then when Zack (their target) comes in, Weller's about to reveal himself (not in the way Rich would enjoy) but Rich speaks over him, convincing Zack that he was there to steal back the software that he created and which made Zack rich. But omg I’m in love with his shouty voice and the fact his middle name is Meredith and Weller's FACE (literally this look of shock needs to be a reaction gif because it's AMAZING), but lol it all totally works, and Zack sends away the guards and apologises to Rich that he feels that way but makes it clear that he didn't steal anything-- they developed it together and he asked Rich to join him to complete it but Rich stayed to finish college, taking the 'safe way out', and you can see ffrom Rich's face that it's true. And okay Rich said earlier that nobody likes a prequel but seriously I would watch a whole movie about this backstory. For real, show, give it to me now. But anywho turns out their target isn't actually their target after all-- he no longer has any reason to need lots of lithium as he sold that part of his company-- and then he even offers Rich a spot on his team. Naww Rich wants to beat him up and it’s adorable

Aw Jane brings Roman and Nas back to her place to give Roman a chance to settle himself beore they look at any other places. Ugh she's such the caring big sister, getting him water and trying to soothe him and making Nas give him some space. She's so cute and self-conscious about her safehouse (still feel weird about her being back in the same one, given the bad memories of That Night) and he throws back that at least her doors can open when she wants-- and she tells him that they didn't always. Roman's situation is tough because I can see how much it would suck to be locked up and treated pretty much like a prisoner, but at the same time I'm just like 'please be patient, they're trying to trust you' and ughhh it just sucks for everyone involved. And then he seems to try to settle himself, and looks around, noticing the frickin huge bouquet of roses on the table beside the couch. He asks who Oliver is, which means she hasn't talked to Roman about him yet, which is kinda disappointing-- I want her to tell him all about Oliver and Weller and her feelings and I want him to be a confidante for her (and to help her realise that Weller is still the one she wants lol). And then the flowers trigger a memory-- he's in a flower van watching Weller and a dark hairded woman having lunch, and sends a text that says the target (Weller?) is in sight, and gets one back from shepherd telling him to proceed. Aaaaahhhh but with whaaaatttt

So their target isn't Zack, but it's still someone within Daedalus. Patterson uses a camera hidden in a makeup thingie to send video back to 'lenny and squiggy' in the van-- who can also apparently hear her and Boston's conversation, meaning they can hear him complaining endlessly abut Rich but also hear her blow up at him about all the things she went through with Borden and David and ugh my baby has been holding that in for so long. And then lol 'you feel better?' 'kinda'. I love that Boston was the one to be able to help her in a way that no one else had been able to, because while they were gently trying to coax her feelings out of her he just set off a mini explosion which finally let her breathe once it was off her chest. And then by moving back to his problems he shifts the focus off her. I love these twoooo ugh

Meanwhile Rich is also more focused on his own problems-- in his case, acknowledging that he did chicken out and give up on the software in order to finish his degree. But dammit I need more backstory here-- were there other reasons he stayed behind? A mother who desperately wanted to see her son finish college? An elderly grandparent that he was the carer for and couldn't just move to silicone valley and leave them behind? Weller tries to get him to refocus but instead Rich is the one trying to make HIM see clearly-- "don't waste your life on missions. You grab Jane now before somebody else does (...)" and ugh Weller's face. His mouth moves like he's trying to find the words to deny it all and tell Rich to shut up but he knows Rich is hitting the mark. He still wants Jane even though he knows how much he shouldn't. I wish we'd gotten to hear what he would have said in response to that, but then we're interrupted by the beginning of ~the ritual~. And then omg here's another shriek laugh as he says "this better not be a sex thing" and Rich replies "if it is we should probably go along with it right? Don't wanna blow our cover" and omggggg the look Weller gives him. I love these two SO MUCH. I decided to name them ‘Welch’ (I've seen WelCom around which is good too). Ennis approved of Welch tho so I'm sticking to it haha.

Meanwhile Patterson and Boston managed to avoid being stuck inside for the ritual and are currently sneaking somewhere, and she gives him shit about ‘Boston Arliss Crabb’ being his real name-- she'd thought it was an alias like Rich's, but while everyone here knew Rich as Gord, Boston was just Boston-- and he retorts that she can't talk when her first name is.... aaaand she interrupts him because she sees someone up ahead. Dammit, writers, you're so cruel. Just tell us her name!! Clearly it must be something either quite unusual OR something totally whitebread and boring, since he's judging her for it. Personally I've always stuck with Tiffany, just because I like the thought of her having a super girly name (and one that does seem to get unfairly associated with being an airhead).

Anyhow Weller and Rich try to leave to go join them to follow this guy, but the guards block their way--- so Weller kicks both their asses and steals one's gun, before heading for the exit with Rich in tow. I love the guy that pipes up "Oh you're definitely banned now, Gord" to which Rich throws back "Oh, suck it, Phineas." Which will now and forever be my new insult hahaha. And then I love the clever little aside "What's wrong with rich people?" "We get bored". Yep, that explains a lot of things happening in the world, doesn't it? Anyway mystery guy heads into another building, pursued by Patterson and Boston (though Boston pauses briefly to admire some art outside) and they step into the deserted building-- only to find him right there waiting for them. They try to talk their way out of it (cue another shriek-laugh at Boston’s "We came in here to have sex with each other" and Patterson’s little "Oh") but unfortunately their acting isn't that great haha. Their fighting is pretty good though-- Patterson takes on the guy with a gun while in heels and wielding just a crowbar, while Boston valiantly tackles the other guy and risks those delicate artist's hands to punch him in the face multiple times. Weller calls for Reade and Zapata, then tells Rich to hold out a hand-- Rich gets all excited thinking he's gonna get a gun, whereas I am inexplicably expecting them to just hold hands-- but instead we're both disappointed as Weller cuffs Rich to the art sculpture out front. But ugh he does it to protect him because he knows he's about to be running into a firefight and doesn't want to put Rich at risk??? Awww my babies do care about each other. I love the subtle nod to gun safety that Rich makes as Weller runs off too. No one can ever say this show isn't at least a little political. But omg Weller gets in there to help but Patterson and Boston have pretty much got it sorted, with her stomping on her guys hand in her heels to get his gun and Boston knocking out his guy with a can of paint. The grin and thumbs up that they share is the MOST ADORABLE thing ever. Are they friends now because I would be so happyyyyy

Outside, Rich's friend from the party finds him cufffed to the sculpture, jokingly asking 'a little trouble with your date?' which lbr is not that far off. But then poor Rich makes the mistake of being honest (that never works out well, bro, you know that) and admits to working with the FBI-- then immediately knows he's about to get a gun pulled on him since he's just found the bad guy. Who does pull out a gun, but just shoots the cuffs to free him, and can I just say I totally called it that Rich has a very girlish scream lol. Thankfully the guy 'needs him alive' for whatever reason so we're safe for now. He also knows that he's Rich Dot Com oooohhhh plot twistttt

Jane and Roman and Nas have found the restaurant where Roman was watching weller. In a strange display of trust (has Nas given Roman some of that tracker water too? I bet she has) she walks off to check in with Weller, leaving Jane and Roman alone-- conveniently meaning that if he has another flash, Jane will be the only one to witness it. Which he does-- he sees a couple hugging in the doorway (they look a lot like one of the couples that was dancing near Weller and Rich actually... same extras?) and then remembers Weller hugging the woman before she got in her car and Roman crashed into her with the van before smothering her. Okay firstly how do you have a crash in the middle of NYC in daytime and then SMOTHER the victim without anyone seeing?? And secondly that kind of asphyxiation leaves evidence such as finger bruises around the mouth-- she wouldn't even need an autopsy to note that. And thirdly oh my godddd she died on the way back from meeting Weller, which means he would have absolutely blamed himself, like 'If only we had met soemwhere else or picked a different day or if I had done this or that differently’ uuughhhhhh my poor babyyyyy why must he suffer so muchhhhhhh

And ugh Roman immediately tells Jane that he killed Weller's friend Emma (ugh in the memory he soothes Emma, telling her it's okay, and ugh thi is awful for everyone involved) and Jane is so horrified that they both had ties to Emma's death, since Emma would have known that Jane wasn't Taylor. And ugh my precious Roman wants to tell Nas straight away, which shows he's already a better person than he was before the wipe-- but Jane won't let him. She's protecting him from Nas and from repercussions of what he did, but she's also protecting Weller from getting this news abruptly thrust upon him. She promises that she'll tell him, and god I hope she will...

Poor Rich is being forced to hack into a computer at gunpoint, in order to open some kind of thing that gets them the stuff they need for a dirty bomb. The bombing itself will be blamed on the poor dead Bolivian guy lying on the floor in the corner-- and so the team is proved right, someone was trying to start a war between the US and another country. Rich is adorably doing his best to talk the guy out of it, saying that the FBI knows the truth and that he'll be caught, but the guy says that once there's been an attack on their own soil, "the truth isn't gonna matter". Wow, again with the politics. This show packs a very subtle punch. And omg Rich is still refusing because he may be a criminal but he doesn't hurt people (generally. I know he did kill that guy in 1x09 but shhhh) and then the baddie SHOOTS HIM IN THE FOOT. Oh Richy my baby, you don't deserve this. Thankfully the team will soon be to your rescue, bc they're tracking you right now (they think you went on the run, so disrespectful of them) and they also found a key thing from the campus lab-- which the tracker says is where Rich is, plus the baddie, whose phone they tracked. Of course hubby immediately jumps to the rescue, finding Rich while the other are still searching. Then omg the baddie grabs Rich and threatens Weller that his 'buddhist friend will get his third eye' and of course Rich has to correct him that that's actually a Hindu thing and both of them yell for him to shut up haha. But ugh baddie is using Rich as a shield and Weller apologises and says he can't let him get away, and Rich is all ‘uh that's okay, why are you apologising’-- and then bam Weller shoots him in the leg, causing him to drop and leaving the baddie exposed, who immediately surrenders (bc lbr, if a guy is willing to shoot a member of his own team, he'll sure as hell shoot you). Weller immediately calls for an ambulance for Rich though, so at least there's that. And lol Rich still manages to give him a jibe about being too obsessed with the movie Speed, which is a cool throwback and is just overall really cute and ugh these two

Nawwww Patterson and Boston deciding maybe they don't totally hate each other after all. And then she sees him looking at the nameplate on the sculpture-- he'd actually made it, back in 2001. I can't quite see how it represents 'Wind through the pines' but then I'm much more of an impressionist fan than a contemporary/abstract fan. But aw she calls him talented and asks how he became a criminal and he looks at Rich and says he followed his heart. Naaawww I ship itttt

Awwww Mom and Dad visiting their lil boy in hospital. Such a brave boy. And omg Jane is such a sassmaster: "Redemption is its own reward" ahahahahahaaaa oh man I love their relationship. But lbr, there's totally gonna be a knock on Rich's door sometime soon and a nurse will come in and give him a little package that was dropped off for him, and he’ll open it to find a little plastic medal with HERO stamped on the front and he will cherish it FOREVER. Also lol when she pats his thigh does he say "geeez that's close?" aka being mildly sexual or am I just mishearing him saying “geez that hurts”? But then just as mom and dad are about to leave him all alone in the big scary hospital, he entices them with solving another tattoo, revealing that he knows exactly what they're up to-- which is fascinating?? Does he know why they're trying to solve them? How far does his knowledge go?? Will this turn out to be one of those things where someone could have found out all the answers they were seeking just by asking the right person? (like Weller showing Jane the yearbook that led them to Shepherd's real name?) And then ughhhh he only asks for Boston to be moved to minimum security. This guy is too cute sometimes. Also lol "I'm here every other week" yaaaasss please come back every week lol. I love that they've set him up to come back, ugh thank you writers

Oooh Patterson's read up on Dr Sun, apparently she was present in Nas's team at the NSA when the Sandstorm mole was revealed, had even expressed concerns about the person herself. But that doesn't mean we should trust her! Dr Sun is almost as shady as Nas is, definitely do not tell her ANYTHING.

Lol Reade, coming home to a clean, empty apartment is a GOOD thing. Tell you what's not a good thing? Cocaine!! Gawd man what are you dooooooinggggggg. You need to see someone abput this self-destructive behaviour (not Dr Sun though) before you combust!

Awww Jeller strolling through the corridors together, joking about Patterson and Rich, being all super cute... and then he asks about Roman and she clams up. NO JANE NO. YOU KNOW WHAT LYING LEADS TO, PLEASE LEARN YOUR LESSON AND TELL HIM BEFORE HE FINDS OUT SOME OTHER WAY. YOU'RE ALREADY IN THIS SAME PREDICAMENT WITH ROMAN, DON'T BOX YOURSELF IN ON ALL SIDES UGHHHHH. Seriously honey you need to go to his apartment later with more beers, sit him down and tell him everything. He's not the same out-of-control guy that arrested you, I swear. Ughh. But ugh then he admits he actually kinda maybe enjoyed spending the day with Rich (oh how Rich would weep with joy to hear that) and then they bond over the fact that Weller got to shoot him, something they have all low-key (or high-key) wanted to do since the moment they met him haha. And ugh this is such a cute little jokey moment (remember when they couldn't even bear to look at each other and now there's heart eyes everywhere again ughhhh) and lbr Weller might even have been about to offer to get some drinks or something when they are-- as always-- interrupted, this time by a text from Oliver. Which in a way I'm happy about because it led to the casually awkward (or awkwardly casual) little exchange about her going on a date and gave Weller the opportunity to realise he doesn't really like the idea of Jane being out on dates with people who aren't him. Bet Rich’s warning is ringing in your ears now, huh buddy??

Oh I forgot this scene even existed. Apparently Nas and Weller can't figure out what the Truman protocol is, other than there might have been some meetings in the 40s. And then woahhhh here's a twist with the next scene: Borden is working with that Zack Riley guy, who is apparently a key player in Sandstorm's Phase Two! Boom. Hope this means Rich can come back and engage in some kind of hack-war with him to defuse the missile....

Anyway phew done with like twenty mins to spare, time to get my livestream set up for today’s ep!

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #RICH RICH RICH RICH RICHHHHH #I love this ep so freakin much omg

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thiswebsiteisbooty · 8 years ago

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On the EVO donation drive

If you’re reading this on Tumblr and still following me you probably know that I pretty much only come around to post about EVO and then peace out a few days later. I’m not sure how many of you that is because Im not 100% on how the new dashboard works but if you are here then you know I’m around a little early. But I’m posting *about* EVO anyway so there ya go.

If you’re reading this on Facebook then I know a lot of you guys probably only have at best a passing knowledge of what EVO is but you’ve seen me post about it, particularly Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 a lot, so I’m just gonna ask if you guys have any spare money please consider donating here:

https://www.generosity.com/fundraising/evo-2017-player-vote-ultimate-marvel-vs-capcom-3

Your money goes to the Make-a-Wish foundation, and you make a guy you know personally really happy as well.

And as a final pretense before I really get into this I’m just gonna be honest this is gonna be pretty rant-y, so it might not be a super focused read and will probably contain a few expletives so just be pre-warned.

Originally I was gonna come here and I was going to break down the poll game by game, essentially breaking down why I felt like each game shouldn’t be voted for and why Marvel should. But as it stands right now the winner is going to be either Marvel or Pokken, so this is mostly going to be centered around why I think Marvel is the most deserving game, and why I feel Pokken just might be the least deserving, or at least one of the least deserving.

And every time I look at that generosity page my stomach does flips because it’s literally like a best/worst case scenario. But the funny part about this entire situation is I feel like Marvel shouldn’t even be on this poll. Marvel absolutely *should* already have its spot. Regardless of how you the individual might feel about Marvel 3 in particular, Marvel vs. Capcom has been practically synonymous with EVO. Up until only last year Marvel, be it 2, 3, or Ultimate 3, has always been sort of the penultimate game for EVO, only behind whatever Street Fighter was out at the time. I don’t know if I agree with IFC Yipes in that Marvel made EVO (mostly because I haven’t been around *that* long), but I do agree that without it EVO never would have reached the point that it has. And you look at Marvel 3 specifically, and that game has been a staple of EVO through damn near every iteration of Street Fighter 4, even lasting long enough to share the stage with Street Fighter 5, outlived who knows how many Netherrealms games, Soul Caliburs, Tekkens, Personas, you name it. And that’s not to knock (most) of those games but to make a point that not even taking into account 2, Marvel 3 specifically has been a prefixture of this event for a long ass time

And never mind the countless moments that the game has given us. Back in 2013 what was one of the top things people talked about when EVO was over? Justin’s absolutely incredible run, beating odds on favorite Chris G and going on to nearly defeat Floker to win his first Marvel 3 EVO. Then there was the following year when he clutched it out against F Champ and beat Chris G once more to finally actually do it.

Hell even last year, Chris G, despite being the odds on favorite to win several years in a row, *finally* went ahead and took the one tournament that had alluded him for years. And the year before that when KBR (even though I dont much care for him) became the first non-American to win Marvel at EVO.

People have known for a minute with MvCI on the horizon that this was probably going to be Marvel 3′s last year at EVO, and so people were gearing up for it’s proper final sendoff and now you’re telling me that Marvel might not even be *at* EVO?

And I know there’s a lot of people who agree with me on this because every where I go, even from people who voted for different games, even for people who voted for Pokken, I keep hearing the same thing: “I’m voting for Pokken, but Marvel absolutely deserves to be there”

“Marvel shouldn’t even be a part of the poll”

“There shouldn’t even be a poll, Marvel should take that 9th slot”

And don’t even get me started on how tight I am that there are not one but TWO Smash games, games that barely even qualify as fighting games, games that a good chunk of the FGC never wanted around in the first place, at EVO, but Marvel might not. Especially since y’all are a good chunk of the people pushing for Pokken (which we’ll get to trust me). If I hear one more Melee player complain about Melee being on Saturday and not Sunday while Marvel might not even *be* at EVO I honestly might lose my shit.

And I mean no disrespect to my Smash 4 community, particularly the local Nebraska scene cuz y’all know I have nothing but respect for you guys. My problem really mostly is with Melee, that relic of a game that people just cant seem to let go of. But it’s so funny to me at how often the Smash crowd, particularly Melee, talks about how much they don’t need the FGC and yet they won’t leave.

But it isn’t even really about that. I could sit here and talk shit about Melee all day long but you know whatever. They have there spot and that’s fine. But suffice to say that if it were up to me, Melee would get booted in favor of Marvel in a heartbeat.

But let’s talk about this poll for an honest minute though. If you remember the donation drive they did a while ago and compare it to this one, the last one blows this one way out of the water. Every single game on that list was at least, you know, a fighting game, with actual communities that would absolutely show up to play. I mean there was Melee and Brawl of course but again shit, at least those two games are closer to fighting games than shit like Windjammers, and Nidhogg. There wasn’t goofy meme-y shit like those two, and ARMS. And dont get me wrong I’m excited to play ARMS but THAT GAMES NOT EVEN OUT YET (and before anyone brings up “Injustice 2 isn’t out either” just know that in my book that game can go fuck itself for about the same reason. BUT EVEN THEN, that game at least has a known community that will come out and play it). We don’t even know what community, if any, is gonna come out for ARMS, by that point, since it’ll be coming out 1-3 months before EVO (I’d remind you that ARMS doesn’t even have a set release date. Just “Spring 2017″), that game isn’t even gonna have any real advanced tech discovered yet, if there even is any to discover. Not that any of those stand a chance at winning at this point but the fact that they were included kinda pisses me off. I can kind of see Windjammers since a lot of the FGC likes that game but Nidhogg? Do most of yall even remember that game? And ARMS? REally?

I know someone’s gonna be like, “Well the last donation drive had Divekick, and Fighting is Magic”. And I was one of the first people to say that FiM was probably the weakest, meme-ist option put up there but you know, that was happened because the FGC is filled with trolls. If you remember, the only games that made the donation drive were games that got at least 500 votes on the Facebook poll and I’m pretty confident that 490 of FiM’s votes were trolls being trolls. And at least in Divekick’s defense, that game was made by a dude from that community, for the community. Divekick is basically one massive FGC in joke anyway so if Divekick had made it, it basically would’ve been a big thank you to one of the FGC’s own.

But I think what makes me the most upset about the whole situation isn’t even just that Marvel might not get the proper sendoff that it deserves, but that it’s Swan Song stands a strong chance of being snatched away by Pokken. And just, let’s review Pokken for a sec.

First off, this was the game that was being removed from Japanese arcades in droves because nobody gave enough of a shit to play it. And we’re talking about a culture that loves both Pokemon AND fighting games, and they wanted absolutely nothing to do with that game.

And then, when it came stateside, those of yall that watched tournaments saw that pretty much ever ad breakthere was a little vingette for Pokken. They tried their hardest to get people to actually care about this game, and yet... you pratically had to dig through the Twitch trenches just to find Pokken tournaments. People weren’t watching, and people weren’t entering. Then it got to EVO because Nintendo money, and it had one of the lowest entrants and viewer rates of any of the games there.

Then post EVO, a lot of majors didn’t even run the game because people weren’t entering or watching. And speaking of Nintendo, I would remind you that Nintendo themselves have since dropped Pokken from their Pokemon Championship Series. So not even the parent company gives a fuck about the game at this point.

So with all that being said, never in a million years did I think that Marvel would be neck and neck with Pokken. KI, maybe. MKX, maybe. Shit I figured even Windjammers had a better shot than Pokken and yet here we are.

And you might wonder where the fuck the money is coming from if nobody gives a shit about Pokken. Simple, its coming from Smashers (and you can go check smash websites, most of them are advocating super hard for Pokken), and people who are just fans of Pokemon and will throw money at anything Pokemon. And look I love Pokemon too. It’s top 3 favorite Nintendo franchise and might be top 5 favorite franchises of all time. But I have no doubt in my mind that a lot of the people throwing money at this, barely know what EVO is, probably don’t even know the dates of EVO, and have 0 intentions of watching that game at EVO much less showing up to play the game. Case in point, Shofu is out here on Twitter advocating and donating to this game, and you would think that Shofu, who runs one of the biggest Pokemon related YouTube channels, would probably have a lot of Pokken content right? Well guess when the last time he even posted a video about the game was. I’ll save you the search, it was 6 months ago. One of these videos were, ironically enough, entitled “time to come back”. And then there were two more videos within the same time span, and he hasn’t touched the game since.

And this is kind of the additude that I’m talking about. I read a tweet earlier that summed it up perfectly. About how people never want to watch or come out to support Pokken, and then want to wonder why there aren’t any Pokken tournaments. That game died forever ago. You might even argue that that game was dead on arrival but even if you don’t, then you have to agree that there hasn’t been a game that died out quicker than Pokken did. For all the shit people gave SFxT at least that game lasted a couple of years as opposed to about 3 months. And at least that game had some potential at release, instead of being booted from Japanese arcades Y’all are throwing money at this game and I have no doubt in my mind that it’s going to once again have abyssmal turnout/viewership.

And that’s to me, is the most upsetting thing. That Marvel stands a shot of being robbed by a game that people don’t actually care about, but has a fanbase that will throw money at anything with Pikachu’s face on it. If it were KI, I wouldn’t be super happy, but it would be ok. MKX, kinda upset because I hate that game but you know what, fine. Or even Skullgirls which to me would be best case scenario, if your top two games were SG and Marvel because easily and measurably those two deserve it. Skullgirls is a fantastic game with an ultra dedicated community that only got treated like shit by EVO. I have no doubt in my mind that had SG’s won the last donation drive that game would be one of the biggest in the FGC right now and might even still to this day be a mainstay at EVO. And so if *any* game was gonna be Marvel, I’d wish it to be Skullgirls. But at least I can say of any of the games I mentioned above, people would come out to play it, and support it. In the example of MKX, it would be the exact same people that would be playing Injustice but fuck, at least it’s *someone*.

And I know someone’s gonna be like “well what did you ever do for Marvel?” and yeah, I’ve never been to a major, because I don’t have money like that. But at least every time there is something local for the game, I go out and play. I took time off of work and drove an hour out one time just to get 0-2′d in Marvel on a couple of occasions, but at least I went out there. And I’m out here watching the streams, watching the VoDs; 90% of my “watch later” playlist is Marvel shit that I didn’t get to watch live.

And with that said, yeah I’ll admit that a bit of it is personal for me. Marvel is absolutely my favorite game out there right now. Without Marvel 3 I probably would not care about EVO and the FGC as a whole. But that’s why I don’t want to see it get robbed of a proper sendoff by a game that’s just gonna die out again the minute EVO is over.

#a rant #read if you want #probably not gonna get into a discussion over it though tbh #EVO #EVO2k17 #FGC

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shirlleycoyle · 5 years ago

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This Meme Explains Why TikTok Isn’t Like Any Other Social Media

People think that TikTok is a black hole where teens jump in and memes pop out. To be sure, TikTok has both teens and memes. But the reality is much more structured than it seems.

TikTok is dominated by videos with a very rigid, formulaic structure: a song, a dance. “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift plays, and the person sets up a social scenario that ends with them lip-synching “You need to calm down, you’re being too loud.”

Most of TikTok is like Mad Libs: the specifics of the joke differ, but the punchline is always the same. At any given moment, there’s maybe five to ten sound bites—which could be songs, or original audio recorded by users—that are accumulating the majority of the views, sometimes hundreds of thousands in just hours.

Enter TikTok’s latest genre: point-of-view videos, or POVs. They create scenarios that range from horror, to historical fiction, to teenage fantasies, to the completely absurd. These videos often have little in common aside from the significant role that they assign to the viewer.

The traditional TikTok POV is shot from a first-person perspective, making the viewers the main character of the video. TikToker @porrinate, who identified himself as Adam, told Motherboard, “I think it makes it very personal to the viewer, because the video is through their eyes.”

Adam made a POV captioned “#pov you dont have a lunch at school and i offer you my entire lunch because i want you to be okay.” In this video, the viewer is a student that doesn’t have lunch. Adam speaks directly to them.

“I took it from my own experience, which was like, I didn’t get to eat that much in high school—and if I did, it was from somebody else,” Adam said. “So I would always feel like, people need to be more generous, especially towards those who are really struggling.”

The structure of an app helps decide what kind of posts are more likely to succeed. On Twitter, a blank slate of 280 characters, it’s attention-grabbing, ratio-inviting shit posts. On YouTube, where ad revenue can be low or unreliable, it’s lengthy, vlogger-style videos that are cheap to produce.

Meanwhile, TikTok encourages recycling sound bites which are used by sometimes thousands of videos. This has spawned a culture where people use familiar joke formats, and gently add a little bit of themselves.

By making viewers a part of the video, POVs uniquely allow creators to engage with viewers, and by extension, connect with their peers. POVs leverage TikTok to appeal to shared human experiences of joy, despair, embarrassment, and laughter. For now, at least, it’s something that sets TikTok apart from other social media apps.

Why POVs Could Only Happen on TikTok

People can post videos on Twitter or Facebook, but since users only see content from users they follow, those videos have a limited ability to spread. People who aren’t following you, most often, will simply miss the video you share. TikTok is different because of the app’s For You page, which pushes users to view videos from wide-reaching pool of users (even ones that you don’t follow).

The For You page surfaces posts from across the platform. It’s an algorithmically-generated recommendation feed, catered to each user. Unlike Twitter’s Moments tab or Instagram’s Discover page, which also surface posts from users you don’t follow, the For You opens automatically when a user launches the app. But we don’t know the specifics of how the For You page works. According to TikTok’s listing in the iOS App Store, some opaque mix of app engagementlikes, shares, and comments—dictates what users see.

Most TikToks only have 15 seconds to engage a viewer and maximize their reach on people’s For You pages. That’s a large part of why POVs are successful: they grab the viewer’s attention by pulling them into the plot of the video. The impact is immediate.

“Across different platforms, you think of the different types of cultures that have emerged,” Becca Lewis, an internet culture researcher with Data and Society, said in a phone call. “A lot of that is due to these artificial constraints platforms place on the type of content that gets created.”

The opacity of the For You algorithm has a huge impact on TikTok. If you’re trying to make a popular video, it makes sense to stick to one of the Mad Libs formulas that dominate the For You page on a given day. It’s the act of reaching for the biggest-common-content-denominator in a vast pool of videos whose logic you can’t see.

Here are some memes that are popular at the time of writing:

“Wasabi” by Little Mix plays and people lip sync the lyrics while using TikTok’s “face-tracking” filter, which identifies and zooms in on your face.

“One Jump Ahead” from Aladdin plays and people lip sync the line “Let’s not be too hasty,” and the reply “Still I think he’s rather tasty,” usually while the user pretends to be two different characters.

“No Reason” by YunggTez plays and people act out a situation in which they convey confidence, attitude, and a lack of regard for others.

Nir Eyal, author of Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products, said in a phone call that users won’t make a habit out of an app unless there’s a “variable reward”—or, a variety of entertaining content. Without that variety, users get bored.

“The problem I think that TikTok is struggling with is that they depend on the meme model,” Eyal said. “Because if everybody does the meme the same way, what happens to the variability? It becomes predictable. The predictability makes it boring. Nobody wants to see the meme because they already saw it.”

But POVs are anything but predictable. Instead of appealing to a common meme formula, POVs appeal to a common humanity. They put the viewer into the messy center of an emotional situation.

Take this TikTok by Olivia Giordano, for example. The caption is, “there’s not enough seats at the lunch table today, so you have nowhere to sit.” In this video, the viewer is the person who can’t get a seat at the lunch table. It’s like exposure therapy, violently bringing viewers face-to-face with the shame, humiliation, and sadness of living through this particular situation. But the viewer experiences these feelings in a safe setting: TikTok.

A similar video is captioned, “ur teacher lets u pick partners but u have 2 friends in ur class who partnered up.” In this video, you’re watching yourself try to team up with a friend for a group project, but quickly realize that your friends both chose one another before you.

By acknowledging that these uncomfortable experiences exist, these POV videos lend significance to experiences that young people often have to dismiss in order to get by.

A lot of POVs focus on acting out a true-to-reality situation. For instance, TikTok user @yazdemand made a POV captioned, “#pov your my mirror after My family say that ‘you will always be a boy.’” Viewers watch the private, vulnerable moments of this teenager getting ready. There’s a tension, and you can feel her confidence and apprehension playing out simultaneously. People going through a similar situation can find community.

A Yeet into the Spectrum of POVs

Not all POVs are exposure therapy for the cruelty of being a teenager, or heartfelt experience confessionals. A pillar of the POV genre is the massive selection of videos that rely on humor and sometimes absurdity.

A great example of this is a TikTok captioned, “i’m ur dumb jock crush. you tell me you’re feeling depressed. i try to make it better.” In it, user @idrinkvapejuice acts out the crush’s reply to her admission of depression.

Other videos, like “POV: what my birth control sees when i remember i have to take it” and “POV: im checking ur head for lice (and u have it)” are pretty self explanatory. There’s also videos like “Pov. our eyes meet at the Area 51 raid” (which is a poking fun at a POV formula that starts with “our eyes meet”).

But the POV genre, and TikTok in general, isn’t immune to harassment and hate speech problems that plague social media. Jess Fisher, TikTok user @jess.fisher5 has a recurring TikTok series where she pretends to be the personification of each astrological sign. In her POV video, captioned “#wholesome TAURUS POV,” Fisher acts like the personification of Tauruses, who are generally defined as compassionate, loyal, and sometimes parental.

Fisher said that this POV got an unexpected response: a flood of duets—or new videos that are displayed directly alongside an original video—and comments from old men.

“Not all of them, but a lot of [the comments] were like, ‘I’m gonna rip that shirt off of you,’ and things like that,” Fisher said.

The duets for Fisher’s video exist in a grey area: most of them don’t violate TikTok’s terms of use. It’s not against the rules to duet a video with a suggestive smile and comment. But the response was somewhat violating, she said. (A TikTok spokesperson encouraged users to visit its Safety Center for information about responding to misuse.)

“[The video] did make me think that maybe POV just strikes a chord in people,” Fisher said. “It hits them in a different way than normal videos do.”

POVs Make TikTok Feel Human

Fisher said that POVs make sense in the larger history of TikTok. TikTok, in its original form, was called musical.ly, and musical.ly was dedicated almost entirely to lip-sync videos. Fisher said that the foundation of these lip-sync videos probably lent itself to the creation of the POV genre.

“They could just be lip synching a song with intention, but it’s also like making the viewer feel like they’re being looked at, or being seen,” Fisher said. “The only difference between that type of thing and the POV genre is putting their own dialogue to it and writing it themselves. Like content creation rather than just lip synch.”

Platforms like Facebook often talk about how they want to “bring the world closer together.” But this isn’t easy for any social media platform to accomplish. Often, it seems, meaningful online experiences are built on finding communities with shared experiences.

This is what’s happened with POVs on TikTok. There’s countless different iterations of POVs: there’s humor, fiction, cosplay, fantasy, historical skits, and realistic ones, and there’s innumerable niches that have grown out of these subgroups.

This phenomenon seems to defy the odds: the TikTok For You page, in its seeming randomness, connects people with obscure mutual experiences. The result is something that feels fundamentally human.

This Meme Explains Why TikTok Isn’t Like Any Other Social Media syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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