#im not doing hand gymnastics for a man

[mclqren]

GYMNASTICS LESSONS ★ LN4

PAIRING ✦ lando norris x fem!gymnastics teacher!reader

SUMMARY ✦ you're a gymnastics teacher, and you manage to catch the eye of an f1 driver one friday night, though you both recall the way in which you met in different ways. [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ i altered the request slightly and made it so that lando was picking up his niece from the gymnasium instead. reader lives in bristol in the uk & has a sibling. for the sake of this fic, let's pretend that all the drivers are friends off of the grid!! the fc i've used is pamela hughes, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are closed at the moment.

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liked by yourbsf, friend1, and 431 others

yourusername easter holidays well spent ✔️ back to teaching now!!

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yourbsf MY GIRL FOREVERRR 😍😍😍

yourusername MY BABY 🫶🫶

yourbsf im so obsessed with you its not healthy at all

yourusername literally me with you ❤️

friend1 UM MISS Y/N WHERE DID YOU GO ON VACATION.

yourusername tenerife 🌞🌞

friend2 ur glowing girllll

yourusername all you omg!!

imessages ( y/n)

imessages ( lando )

liked by yourbsf, landonorris, and 426 others

tagged yourbsf

yourusername me and pepper have been chilling ✌️

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yourbsf PEPPERRR AWW 🥺🥺

yourusername she misses you ❤️

yourbsf MY GIRL 💋💋

yourusername foreverrr 💘

friend1 y/n are you serious why is there a f1 driver in ur likes.

friend2 RIGHTTT

yourusername wait huh

landonorris um hey? 👋👋

yourusername OH MY GOD NOT YOU AGAIN.

landonorris i don't know whether to be offended or not

imessages ( y/n)

imessages ( lando )

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 788 others

tagged yoursibling

yourusername adventures in babysitting (the cinema was fun too) 💐

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user1 good golly she's stunning 😍😍

yourusername thank you sm baby ❤️❤️

yourbestfriend oh my days is that leila 🥺

yourusername yess!! i took her to the gym with me 😭❤️

yoursibling cutiessss❤️❤️

yourusername she's in safe hands trust

danielricciardo i once saw lando norris save five cats from a tree at the same time, he's just that guy 🤷‍♂️

alex_albon lando norris literally saved my entire family from a burning building once 🔥🔥

maxverstappen1 lando lets me go in front of him to win races because he's just that kind 🙏

georgerussell63 lando norris can lift a whole racecar over his head and do squats with it (trust)

yourbsf THESE ARE GETTING INVENTIVE??

oscarpiastri @/landonorris mate are you sure she's not out of your league

landonorris SHUT UP 😖

friend1 so ur like famous now y/n???

yourusername MATE I JUST WOKE UP TO THIS.

user2 i can see why lando likes her - she is GORGEOUSSS

liked by landonorris

imessages ( lando )

imessages ( y/n )

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 13,190 others

yourusername black n white 🖤

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user7 THE PRETTIEST GIRL EVERRR!!

user8 someone tell me what she does as a job pls?

user9 she's a gymnastics teacher!! my sister used to do baby gym lessons with her, she's the sweetest 🫶🫶

user10 okay but can little lando norris actually handle all that? 😍

user11 no but i absolutely can🤞🤞

user12 waiting patiently for lando to come hype her up

user13 her (unwanted) personal hype man 🔥

yourbsf yummyyyy 🤤🤤

yourusername all mine ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

landonorris damnn 😍

yourusername very smooth norris!

landonorris so...it's finally working then??

yourusername idk it's not coming into effect yet tbh

landonorris might have to come pick up mila a third time then

yourusername

( caption one: wined and dined 🍷 | caption two: ❤️. )

imessages ( y/n)

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 28,891 others

tagged landonorris

yourusername it's too late to get a refund, so i guess im stuck with him now. ❤️

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user14 IT'S OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED?? SCREAMINGGG

user15 if he doesnt treat you right im always here bbg 🫶

user16 ONGG

user17 new power couple alert ⚠️⚠️

user18 i cannot waittt to see pics of them together i swear

user19 HOW ARE YOU SO PERFECT

user20 TWO MONTHS AFTER THE FIRST RUMOURS STARTED AND ITS FINALLY ANNOUNCED 🎉🎉🎉

yourbsf still cant believe you replaced me with a m*n 😖😖

yourusername YOU'RE FOREVER NO.1 IN MY HEART I SWEARRR HE MEANS NOTHING TO ME ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

yourbsf how has he done this (taken my wife). what a little rat. he better count his days.

landonorris i can read?

yourbsf oh can you now? 😊

yourusername guys pls be civil 😭

landonorris YUM

yourusername me or the pasta??

landonorris both 🍝🤤

oscarpiastri still don't know exactly how he's done this.

charles_leclerc right?

alex_albon we haven't ruled out witchcraft yet so

landonorris GUYS WHY DO YOU HAVE NO FAITH IN ME STILL ☹️☹️

georgerussell63 it's just a tad bit unbelievable mate

yourusername i get it, im wayyy out of his league tbh. still contemplating on whether i should stoop this low

landonorris yeah yeah, love you too y/n ❤️

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[smallestapplin]

I’m back to request more stardew fluff,

Abigail, Sam, and Sebastian x reader (separate) where the stardew characters are having a mental freak out after realizing their crush on the reader

>:)

-

-

Sam

- Out of the three Sam realizes his feelings for you the last, but once he realizes it he freaks out. Sebastian's phone blows up because Sam if losing his mind, spam texting his friend and asking for help. Sebastain just stares at his phone watching the messages roll in.

'Oh my Yoba their smile is like the sun.'

'Oh'

'Oh no'

'SEEEEEBBBB HELP!'

'I know you are seeing these you bitch'

'I think Im in love'

'Son of of bitch i caaaaaant'

'WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE ARE YOU SEEING THIS CUTE SLEEPY MF?????'

Sebastian just sighs.

- Sam mentions you every hang out, just asking for help cause he's so cool and confident until you wave hi to him.

- Then he's stuttering, shaking, tripping over his own feet, making a fool of himself. He's screaming the second you are out of sight, nearly punching the air cause he fucked up.

- He just wants to impress you, but his heart flutters and brain shuts off the moment you are around him.

- Even if you're laughing at how adorkable he is, he's swooning and smitten, just wanting to hear more of it.

- Send help

-

-

Abigail

- probably the most casual about it, never changes in how she interacts with you, you'd never guess she's screaming internally everytime you touch her shoulders or back.

- The moment you leave her house, she's shoving her face into her pillow and screaming as loud as she can.

- The mental gymnastics she does to see everything you do with her as romantic is honestly hilarious. She acts calm, but she jotting everything down in her head as a mental note, trying to keep track of everything you do and have done for her.

- Sam and Sebastian get front row seats to her conspiracy theory board and red strings, as she tries to explain why she you would be cute together and fight together in the mines.

- The two men just look at each other as she yaps on and on about how in love she is and she's not stopping anytime soon.

- They are suffering.

- Not as much as Abigail when you gift her a good geode you found, she can't eat it, she can't, it was a gift from you....it'll stay on her shelf and she smiles at it everytime she sees it.

-

-

Sebastian

- the second he realizes he's in love with you was when you were napping on his couch, he just looked over to you and smiled softly at how peaceful you looked, you clearly needed this nap.

- Oh.....oh fuck-

- He just wants to kiss your forehead and wish you a well night, but it's a smack in the face when he realizes it wants to do that at all.

- You'll wake up and bid him good night to leave for your farm.

- It'll be the last time you see him for a week.

- Avoids you like the plague so he can get control of his heart, everytime he catches a glimpse of you his knees go week, his heart feels like it'll beat out of his chest.

- He can't handle it, he's a mess.

- Sam will ask him about it, cause you've grown worried about the emo man.

- Sebastian just lets out a silent screech and hides his face in his hands, blushing cause you worry about him, but he feels back he's made you worried.

- Sam has to drag him back to you at the saloon, and all Sebastain can get out if a squeak.

- You laugh about it, thinking it was cute.

- He's going to die here-

[chai-berries]

patrols with abby were easy. you knew she had your back, being the best of the best in isaac’s eyes. you started training with her to go on missions in the first place so you both created an almost dance while on a mission. you talked, whispered, laughed. you packed your extra bags with his trash/her treasure bits and bobs you found in decrepit buildings, teetering on 2x4s like a gymnast. abby was currently obsessed with the olympics, the last one being in 2012. she found a bunch of magazines about it on her last trip and had delicately packed them in her bag, planning on reading them as soon as she got back. “did you know that…” lined your conversations for several patrols. your personal favorite fact that it was the first olympics where every nation had a woman representing.

she later admitted, when you had officially been together for just over a week, that you were the last person to still be interested in what she was talking about. even nora tapped out after an hour-long spew about the shoes track and field athletes wear. manny tapped out after 5 minutes, during which he thought abby was joking around the whole time.

the point is you guys had it down to a tee. and yet, neither of you saw it coming. one second abby is laughing at something you said, turning around to respond, and the next second she’s pointing a gun over your shoulder. you freeze, back tensed up. an arm that is neither yours nor abby’s wraps around your neck and pulls you against a chest. the breath you let out from the action is sucked back into your lungs when you feel the cold metal of the gun tap against your temple. your mind shuts down on you, your fear overshadowing all you know about self-defense. your eyes stay locked on abby’s face. if you’re going to die, you want the last thing you see to be her.

“let. her. go.” abby bites out. her hand is steady, the gun pointed at whoever had you in a chokehold. “and i’ll think about letting you live.”

the man, who you assume is a man, tugs you closer to their body. you hear them wet their lips before speaking through a smile.

“now, i don’t want to hurt either of you,” it is a man. and his nonchalant response makes your stomach turn. “i don’t hurt young ladies like yourself,” he continues lewdly. his hold tightens on you again but this time he moves you so your body is pressed tight against his. abby continues to stare him down, her finger itching to fire a shot right in his head for touching you.

you bring both hands around his arm and sneak them between it and your neck. abby clocks your shift and switches her focus to the smug son of a bitch on the other side of her gun. she barely blinks before firing one clean shot in his shoulder, causing him to jump back and let you go. you dive near abby’s feet and move to stand behind her.

the man is moaning loudly. “now why did you do that?” he cries, holding his shoulder.

“c’mon man, if i have to explain it to you, you really are better off dead.” abby steps towards the man, who scuttles away on the floor. with you behind her, abby let’s go of the breath she’d been holding. she kneels over the curled up man, the hand on his shoulder stained red.

“who are you? are you alone?”

“ya think im gonna tell you?” the man croaks out.

abby kicks the gun away. “if you want to live i’d suggest talking. you’re in wolf territory.”

he freezes at the last sentence and abby tenses up again.

you freeze as well and call for abby. “c’mon. abby, we — we should go. ab—”

“no! we heard about a group moving in. they killed austin and half their group,” she says to you, her attention still on the man. “was that you?” she asks him. when he doesn’t say anything, abby knows her answer. she thinks back to what issac told her. that anyone in that group needs to be eliminated. no matter what. and you being on patrol wasn’t an exception in anyone’s eyes but abby’s.

“step back,” she nods her head at you. you immediately comply, taking several steps back as abby stands back up.

SHE KILLS FOR YOU: she looks down at the man and fires a single shot. you squeeze your eyes shut at the sound and don’t open them until you feel abby’s hand on your cheek. you blink up at her as she scans your face. you know you probably look a mess. sweat and dirt covering your face no matter how hard you try to keep it clean.

“you okay?” she asks, brows furrowed.

you nod. “yeah. not my first time witnessing a death, unfortunately. but i’m okay.” you lean into her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. after a minute of scanning you for any tiny scratches, she lets you go and readjusts her backpack, slipping her gun into the holster.

“c’mon, let’s go back early. we need to report this to the group.”

you’re quick to follow her, taking the hand she gives to guide you over a giant fallen tree. she does it automatically, her free hand reaching to steady you if needed. the shift from laughing and joking to whispers is felt. but thankfully the love is still as loud as ever.

SHE DOESN’T KILL FOR YOU: “get up!” abby watches the man struggle to stand. he stumbles and abby uses her free hand to hold him up. when he’s stable, she steps back. “if i was alone you’d be dead by now. you’re lucky. go back to your group and tell them to stay out of this area. this is your only warning. now go!” the man stutters for a second before he staggers away. you take a step towards abby.

“abs — abby?” she keeps facing the direction the man went but doesn’t shy away from your touch. you run your hand up her arm and to the nape of her neck. “you okay?”

“yeah,” she sighs. she turns to look at you. your eyes are glassy and wide. she reaches up to wipe a tear from the corner of your eye. “c’mon we need to head back. one of the survivors said they had a big crew and isaac needs to know what happened before tomorrow’s patrol.”

you’re quick to follow her, taking the hand she gives to guide you over a giant fallen tree. she does it automatically, her free hand reaching to steady you if needed. the shift from laughing and joking to whispers is felt. but thankfully the love is still as loud as ever.

[revasserium]

Im here to say that college!au opla!zoro is your most superior zoo version yet. Please share any more thoughts you have on this cute couple!!!! I love their dynamic so much

listen;;;;;; i love college!au opla!zoro so much. so…… because i am… unwell about this man, sfw and nsfw headcanons/snippets of college!au opla!zoro (most of this is based on the death before decaf fic where zoro is a fencer and reader is a physical therapy major):

sfw:

afternoon naps on the ratty old couch in the living room of his dorm; luffy is his roommate who is simultaneously never there but also randomly always there at the weirdest most inopportune moments

“what did you say he studies?” “uh… something about international policy but he got in on a sports scholarship too.” “yeah? what’s he do?” “gymnastics.” “wait — seriously?” “yeah he’s /weird/ flexible.”

sharing pizza at midnight, sitting in his lap as he scrolls through highlight reels of past olympic fencing bouts, his chin occasionally brushing against your shoulder as he explains all the different rules and moves; you can feel the light stubble, feel the deep rumble of his voice along your arm where it’s pressed against his chest

him kissing you awake, opening your eyes to find him smiling, smirking, more like — “morning…” “mornin’. you were drooling on my pillow.” “shut up!” “nah, it was cute.” more kissing, you trying to shove his face into the pillow, him easily pinning you beneath him, arching an eyebrow; you sigh, blushing, “it’s too early for this.” “it’s never too early for this.”

jerking apart when you both hear luffy’s voice shouting from the living room, “have fun you guys! i’m going to usopp’s to watch the game! don’t forget to hydrate and take breaks! oh — and i left guac for you guys in the fridge!”

“i thought he was gone!” “i thought so too —” zoro groaning when you hear the door slam, burying his face in your shoulder

study sessions where he’s just doing weight training in the corner and it takes everything you have not to be distracted by the shape of him, shirtless, powering through reps of bicep curls, when he drops to the ground for pushups, the way he grins when he catches you staring and asks if you want to help hold his feet down for situps

coffee runs in the morning, standing in line with his arm draped around your shoulders; nami grinning, “see? toldya making out would’ve solved things.”

pecks goodbye in front of the main lecture building, hearing the way the rest of the fencing team hoots after you turn away, hearing zoro loudly telling them to shut the fuck up if they don’t want their asses beat

him blushing up a storm when you wrap your scarf around him and scold him again for forgetting his own, saying that he needs to take better care of his body if he’s gonna make it to the olympics; him scoffing and looking away and, “well… i’ve got you to take care of it for me, don’t i?”

nsfw: (mdni beyond this point pls)

fucking the locker rooms post bout, his hand cushioned behind your head because say what you will about jock!zoro but he’s still something of a gentleman

netflix and chill saturday nights bc he doesn’t have practice sunday mornings and he’s not about to let all that time to go waste; leaving the tv on as he pulls you over his lap, fingers dancing up the sides of your waist, pressing you down over his cock, groaning when he fists his hands in your hair and pulls

drunk!fucking at frat parties in strangers bedrooms, bc who tf cares who this room belongs to as long as there’s a bed and a door that somewhat locks and sure, the sheets are gonna smell like sex after you’re finished but who’s gonna try and fuck with you when zoro’s always got an arm around you, when he’s got you tucked into his side whenever you’re together, even if it’s just studying at the library or sitting at lunch in the dining commons

the most jealous, possessive sex… bc. zoro doesn’t share.

making out in the stacks bc you said you were getting a reference book but you were gone a bit too long and zoro had come to “find you” only to find you trying to reach a book on a level that’s just a bit too high; him reaching up to pull it down for you, pressing a hand to your lower stomach and pulling you back against his chest, “need some help, princess?”

fumbling back to his dorm after said failed study session in the library, him kicking the door shut and tossing you on his bed, him mumbling some cheesy line about needing to brush up on his anatomy before pushing your knees up and burying his face between your thighs

[hp-hcs]

(Fine, I’ll do it my damn self: part 4 of my silly lil mlm stories <3)

Surrounded By Fucking Idiots (Chapter Two of Gay Awakening) — smitten! mattheo riddle x male! reader

TWs: implied violence

homeboy is s m i t t e n (also i tried to make him a little less ooc this time lmfao)

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“Dude, why is Y/N in your bed?”

Mattheo yawned, blinking up at Blaise who was standing by the side of the bed, hands on his hips and an eyebrow raised.

Mattheo’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned his head to find you—sure enough—lying on your stomach, asleep, next to him. You had one hand loosely fisted in the front of Mattheo’s shirt, and he had his tangled in your hair.

Mattheo’s mouth suddenly went dry as he tried to think of any explanation, running over a dozen half-believable fibs in his mind.

However, Blaise interrupted him before he could spin an elaborate story. “I don’t care if you’re gay, Theo. You’re my friend. Just treat ‘im right, yeah?”

“How’d you-” Mattheo licked his lips. “How’d you know?”

“I have eyes, Riddle. Now, wake up your lover boy and come down for breakfast. I’m starving.”

Mattheo let out a soft huh as Blaise walked out, shaking his head to himself and muttering something about being “surrounded by idiots in fucking glass closets.”

~~~

That day was entirely and completely odd. Your masc friends wouldn’t even make eye contact with you while your fem friends would burst out into nervous giggles when you said hello, immediately coming up with some half-baked excuse to hurriedly run off.

“Theo,” you mumbled as you sat down for dinner next to him at the Slytherin table, the third years next to you instantly scooting away. “Why’s everyone avoiding me?”

“I wonder,” was muttered across the table by the chaser for Slytherin, Adrian, who pointedly stared down at his plate rather than anywhere else. Despite that, his fresh black eye was still clearly visible.

Mattheo smiled at you, saying nothing, but tugging at the hem of your shirtsleeve.

You glanced down, turning a beet red when you realized that you hadn’t taken off his quidditch jersey—the one he’d let you borrow to sleep in last night. “Oh-”

“Yep.”

Glancing around the Great Hall, it didn’t escape your notice that the eyes of the professors’ table kept falling from your face to Mattheo’s last name on the back of his jersey, doing mental gymnastics to figure out what was even going on.

“I think you should wear my last name more often, love. Really get the message across to everyone.”

“Oh, I think they got the message already, dickhead.”

He snickered and kissed the top of your head, a smug look on his face as your classmates purposefully kept their gaze in any direction but where you both were.

The only person who seemed entirely unbothered by the situation was Blaise, who was indifferently stirring sugar into his tea. “Congrats, Riddle. You’ve just sprinted out of the closet. Admirable, certainly, albeit entirely moronic.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate your honesty.”

“No problem. It’s what friends are for, Theo.”

You just drop your head down onto the table, groaning to yourself. “I’m the one surrounded by fucking idiots.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chapter Three

[humpster35]

Sparkle Jump Rope Queen

Chris Sturniolo x reader

disclaimers: age gap, cnc, rough sex, swearing, teacher student relationship, daddykink, breeding kink, size kink and anal

here i am again…i always find myself back here some days….as i look out of the window i see the snow fall and the cool winter breeze capture the doves movements slowly. “Y/N” chris yelled. I sigh and turn around on the bed. “you always are fucking looking out that window. you’re not getting out of here with that attitude.” I sigh as I get up and go on the left side of Chris.

I pull his boxers down and start sucking his cock. it was full, thick at the top and i felt his vains or maybe it’s his- “AH SHIT fuck you’re doing soo good” Chris says as he starts to whimper and whine bucking his hips up into my mouth. I choke slightly but he hold my head in place while i stare at the snow outside.

“ouuh fuck yea gonna cum on that sweet face. you’re a fucking angel you know that? you like snow huh? mmm” Chris continued to ramble as he neared his climax when i feel his cum get sprayed on my face and eyes. i taste the cum on my lips and smile up at Chris grateful, “you know how much i love snow” i say with his cum starting to drip down my face. Chris just smiled and ran a hand through hair “yea. i know you love snow…i can give you snow anytime. make you a nice lil snow angel”

As i giggle he grabs a black shirt and clean my face of his cum. I lift up my white skirt and settle myself on top of his bare cock. “mind helping me?” I ask him nicely making the brunette boy smirk as he tears my stockings open and my underwear. the immediate feeling of his dick with precum on it touched my pussy as i sink down on it. I fully take him in and grip his shoulders. “Ahhhh yeaaaa ouhhh fuck yea that’s it baby. you’re so fuckin tight for my dick. tighter than my wife-AHHHH” Chris started rutting into my pussy hard thinking about our age difference as i cling to him like a little kid holding onto a teddy bear. the wet slapping sounds of my pussy can be heard all throughout the house and i look down at the bed realizing he’s fucking me on the side where his wife usually sleeps.

“WHAT THE FUCK CHRIS-“ i push his chest making him stop. “why are you FUCKING me where your fucking wife sleeps? that’s a bit sick don’t you think?-“ I feel chris slap his hand over my mouth and he picks me up and slams me on the bed. i’m laying on my stomach now. “Chris wait-AHHH OMG” Chris started fucking my asshole hard i could feel his balls slap against my pussy as i grasp at the sheets trying to hold onto something. “yea see how you like it bitch? you like getting fucked by a married man don’t ya? you wanna get pregnant don’t ya? mmm im gonna breed this tight pussy so bad ahhhh fuck” Chris throws his head back in ecstasy as he slams into my pussy only fucking my asshole to put me in my place. “ah ah ah ahhhh chris i can’t- please bio ahhhh” chris ignores my pleas as he fucks my pussy hard now lifting my legs up in the air from behind making me squirm. my ass bounced with each thrust.

chris lifts me up while i’m still on his dick and then he pulls out making me moan and a wet popping noise can be heard. “since you wanna be so goddamn extra and you wanna be a fucking gymnast get this damn rope.!” chris says as he shouts slightly at the end. I limp towards him and grab the jump rope. “jump.” chris simply says making me stare at him confused. “jump now or i’ll make you-“ I immediately start jump roping still being naked and i feel chris stick his dick in my asshole again letting out a low grutal groan making me stop jumping. “ohhh shittttt” chris throws his head back and then picks me up while i hold the jump rope in hand and slides his dick in my pussy. “woah lookie there you are jumping heh” chris smugly says as he fucks my pussy jumping slightly to give the illusion that i’m in jump roping with the rope still in my hands.

I cry out feeling myself drop the rope and try to reach at chris to stop but due to him being much bigger than me and me being much smaller i can’t even reach behind me. “ouhhh yea baby just like that…goood girll that’s it take daddy’s dick.” my face is contorted with pleasure and pain as i feel his dick hit my cervix each time. he lays me on the bed gently and pats my hair while fucking me. “shush (he kisses my head) you’re doing soo good baby (he kisses my lips softly) daddy’s almost done” i moan and hold onto his wife’s pillow as he cums deeply in my pussy “OHHH fuckkkkkkk AHH AH AH” his dick slips into my asshole by accident making him ride out his orgasm there. “yessssss (he bucks his hips in my ass slowly making wet noises) fuckkkk yeaaaaa (he holds his dick in my asshole for a minute then pulls out leaving a gaping hole)”

30 minutes later

chris and i lay in bed after cleaning up and taking a bubble bath together. i’m on his chest stroking his chest hair while he’s kissing the top of my head and rubbing my belly. “chris what will your wife think?” it’s quiet for like two minutes until chris speaks up “what she always thinks…..i was just with a student again. my wife doesn’t know or even cares what i do…which is why (he turns to me smiling) i fuck you on her side of the bed everytime (he rubs my sensitive pussy) so she knows that there’s always a tighter pussy out there.” i smile and lay my head on him. we watch home alone the rest of the afternoon then we hear a knock at the door.

[kookidough]

random rant about tbp tiktok cause i’m actually Sick of it at this point💆‍♀️💆‍♀️ these issues probably exist Outside of tiktok as well but i only ever see them on there so thats the platform i’m gna talk about

before you read i just wanna say warning for mentions of sa!!!!!

first of all i dont want to jump straight into the serious shit so the unoriginality is actually INSANE like ive been seeing the same jokes since 2022, can we Please get something funnier than “griffin does gymnastics / is a ceiling fan” 😭 the amount of times recently i’ll see a tbp tiktok and then get someone copying the idea and making the Same exact post like 3 scrolls later is insane like Pls can we be original Pls this movie is so sad i need something to laugh at

outside of being totally unoriginal some of the jokes tend to be Really Fucking Disgusting like straight up joking about assault, i shouldn’t even have to explain that thats not funny in the slightest?? this one person made a bunch of really gross ones and kept blocking people who called them out in the comment section, my friend had to dm them Several times and all they did was take down one post, the rest are still up with a ton of views :/ i know its like shock humour or dark humour or whatever but i dont see the ‘funny’ side of a grown man forcing himself onto a child and i think if youre laughing at that you should sit down and ask yourself why you think thats so funny.. people in the comments are always like “i shouldn’t laugh” so they Know its wrong as well which just ugh the whole thing just really gets on my nerves

another thing that gets on my nerves is the lack of media literacy and straight up spreading misinformation, maybe on the media literacy part i’m just a hater but i see so many questions being asked or theories being posed when all of the things mentioned were… literally answered in the movie?? “whats up with finney and gwen’s mother” it’s literally said in the movie that she has the same ability as gwen and she killed herself bc of it, next question, “why was max so interested in finding the missing boys” maybe because he was a coked up conspiracy theorist who saw a serious crime happening in his brother’s area so he decided to be a genuine concerned citizen who wanted these boys to be found💀 “why did the grabber kill max” because he had evidence of the highly awful crimes he’d been committing and was about to let his latest victim free?? the list goes on and on but those r the main ones i see all the time

as for the misinformation. Ough. it annoys me So much this is a hill i will die on😭 i dont know if its people’s half-baked theories or personal headcanons that just got way out of hand but i see so much stuff being spread that just Isnt true, it gets spread so far that when you google these things it appears as true when its not which is annoying !!! i actually was gonna make an entire rant about one theory in particular that pisses me off so bad but i can fit it in here alongside my list of “other theories presented as facts that i Absolutely Despise”

first theory, the one i was gonna make an entire post over, is the theory that vance is the grabber’s son. if i see one more tiktok of those two with that marina and the diamonds song im going to fucking lose it😭 i have no idea where people got this from but its so fucking popular that it comes up on google and i Hate it, i think it comes from the fact that in gwen’s dream sequence, which, might i add, WAS A DREAM, it looks like the police drop vance off outside the grabber’s house and he goes inside there, which… apparently automatically makes them related…?? it takes like one ounce of media literacy to realise that Obviously he’d be getting dropped off at his own house in real life, but as a ghost he’s centred on the place he died and is showing that house to gwen in her dreams, like how every other ghost shows that house to her. awful theory awful take i hate it, if its ur personal headcanon sorry but i do Not fw that

the other theories i have like. not much to say about other than the fact that they’re Not true, i see a lot of stuff about griffin for some reason? the number tends to change but a lot of ppl say “he was kept in the basement for 4 years” like . Huh. where is your proof???? i know the missing posters are insanely unreliable but if you literally read them griffin went missing on april 2nd and billy went missing on may 4th so highly likely griffin was only in the basement for like. a month at most, no idea where ppl are pulling 4 years out of💀 i also see people say griffin has broken legs or a broken back Just because of the first scene where we see him doing a backbend but . if that was the case then he wouldnt be able to stand with the other ghosts when they show gwen the house, i think the backbend was just the position he died in and thats why he first appeared that way to finney but Hey thats just my opinion! last two i have like no rants over but just. firstly people saying robin never made it to the basement for some reason but clearly he did otherwise his ghost would not be down there with the rest of them😭 secondly the theory that vance was kept there the longest “because he’s the most feminine” which. just makes absolutely zero sense to me whatsoever idk whos random headcanon got popularised but i dont like it

okay getting serious again, while this one does not make me angry its like. just really weird to me? i think its common knowledge at this point that both the book and the movie are inspired heavily by the john wayne gacy case, with the grabber literally being inspired by john wayne gacy himself (you Cannot argue with me on this one its literally confirmed and theres a boatload of evidence supporting it). i guess its natural to see people making comparisons between the movie and the case because of the inspiration but i’ve seen Several videos recently of people taking photos of jwg victims and putting them next to tbp characters and saying thats who theyre inspired by and i think thats . Really coming across as insensitive i cant lie😭 we know the grabber was inspired by jwg and its heavily thought that billy was inspired by johnny gosch but theres not much about the others and i think its just really distasteful to compare real life murder victims to fictional horror characters just to get views/likes on tiktok, it comes across as insanely disrespectful to me but idk i havent seen anyone else talking about it so i might just be being sensitive

last thing that really really bothers me is grabber simps. while i do see it on tiktok i see it on here, tumblr, most often and its… so odd to me…. like why are you thirsting over the paedophilic serial killer… so so strange to me… i want to see art and character analysis and silly little posts about all the characters but every time i open the tbp tag i’m jumpscared by someones weird ass grabber x reader oneshot and its SO GROSS get that shit away from me😭😭😭😭 also saw this one girl on tiktok one time whos literal entire account was dedicated to the grabber and she defended this by saying the sa in the movie was “just a theory” which is so victim blamey girl i do not trust you there is so much evidence for it in the movie, again w the media literacy point, just because something isnt directly shown to you doesnt mean it isnt shown in other subtler ways… anyway i get if people like the grabber as a villain but actually like. loving him and thirsting over him is weird as fuck to me

so um ya the fandom is a trainwreck can we go back to there being like 3 of us please and thank u. if you actually read all this then Wow thank you its literally just me being chronically online and ranting about stuff that doesn’t matter in the real world at all

[pumpkinsy0]

can we please get some fluffy/cute papercut hcs?!? i feel like people have been asking/sending in too many things about other characters/shows and i need my fix back

ur right bro im sorry i need to get back into my papercut roots,,,i apologize,,,i know my place,,,

•curly would ONLY hold ponys hands if its so he can squeeze it w the force of fucking superman and ponys hand is just throbbing in pain

•pony calls darry superman,,,and curly calls tim batman,,,,and pony asked “wouldnt that make u robin” and he stopped laughin IMMEDIATELY, aint shit funny man shut up🙎🏽‍♀️

•when i say curly cant cook, i mean he CAN, but it probably wont look that appetizing, tried making ribs once and the way it was looking pony had to ask “whos ribs r those”, like a ‘what the fuck animal did that come from, it looks like it should be in the move the thing’

•these niggas SUCK at uno if they were a team together, they argue too much and would probably accidentally shown one of the cards they got😭

•pony did try teaching curly some gymnastics but curly nearly broke a bone doing it, he is NOT athletic enough to b doin it, he can do a backflip though (barely but still)

•curlys practiced braiding hair (for angela mainly) on pony, he wanted to prove he could do it☝🏽☝🏽

•there r these designs ppl in haiti paint on themselves for carnival and id like to think that curly tried doing it on ponys had w a pen in class, he was bored and pony likes the feeling

•curly kinda gets cuteness aggression???but not rlly??? he just likes pony a lot and sometimes roughhouses to get the feeling out, its just in his bones

•they also had a chicken contest to see who could inhale the most w a cigarette, was like a “who can catch cancer speedrun” atp, they dont even know who won, they took a deep inhale and chocked and dropped the cigarettes and couldnt tell whos was whos

•i think it would b cute if curly had a freckle on his lips and pony would look at it a lot and curly would joke “what u wanna kiss me or somethin🤨”

•sometimes pony “flirts” w curly right back when he drops a line on him and curly is always surprised cause he NEVER suspects it, but hes not complaining

•immmm ginna hc they move to brooklyn bc thats where i am and i demand them they stay close to me, but if they hear a few cars blasting music at night driving past one of them is thinking “shut the hell uppp” while the other is like “wow!!!!humans r rlly alive in this moment w me!!!”, it flip flops whos who

[mrvenuspluto]

Mental gymnastics

Detailed thoughts, perfectionism at every glance, calculated and strategic moves. Are only the minimum of me. Hey, well hello! My name is Virgo, well Virgo moon to be exact. Every thought, gesture, movement, decision, outcome are planned very well with the best of my abilities. Yes i judge others, well not purposely! I just see the flaws in everything around me, even me. But i dont speak on them or expose others, like virgo ascendants who speak there minds more and point them out more than me. Im more in my head and wired mind, so i feel this way, so it could cause my brain to go hay wire if i dont speak how i feel. So it gets directed back to me. My emotions and body can take on these energies. Which is not good,But unless they get on my dark side where i save and memorize every lil thing they did or do. Well im not emotional like my water signs, so i look at it mentally and i play mind games back with you, lets see who wins! Very spitful and creative when it comes to get back. But Im my worst critic! I cant even get dressed without seeing the littlest thing ruin my outfit, WTF! What's is this on my shirt. Took hours to get dressed, days to match and coordinate ever color and style. Damn! Yes we have a nasty mouth, very good with words especially when proving a point or getting to the bottom of things. And arguments, well libra a beast at that i give it to her with her airy ass energy, but im the man when it comes to facts, evidence and practical proof. Hmmmm dont let my calm cool demeanor fool you, i seen what you did, know what you are planning! Just know im 10 steps ahead of you! I can dive into your brain, mind and thoughts, understand how you think, and what you want. Then play out every step until the outcome. Im a mastermind! I do this, this is my profession, my life and my style. My brain is controlled by fast and multiphasted mercury, which never sits still. My thoughts, ideas, fears, problems, challenges, battles play in my head 24/7!. Im probably the most or i am the top materialistic sign! Well my cuz taurus close but they move to slow, and get stuck in only what pleasures them and what they love. Im on the go, and work hard, smarter, and more proficient obtaining it. Plus i like to look good, put together dont we all? Yes i love and give my helping hands to those who need it. I can serve you, feed you, help you, be there for you, listen to you.

But when you think you using me, undermining my intelligence and time! Then im the last sign other than scorp! Smh. To use my energy kindnesses for weakness or dumbness. Yes i love to micromanage, well we can do this on other people's lifes! I guess we can see the good, bad, downfall, grey area, success and flaws in everything and everyone. Yes we can be negative nancy! Well dont come to us with your problems and expect us to solve it but not point out facts or expose the obvious. Well it may be obvious for us! We are the human scalpel, we dissect every word, idea, thought, motive, and decision. Cant sleep, brain is hardwired! What's my next move! I need to work, i need to feel useful, why cant you just keep the kitchen clean! You dont see that stain on your collar! Whats that in your teeth while you trying to kiss me!. Is she clean? Really its going rain when i decided to where my all white shoes! You really going not wash your hands and try to touch me. If i do this first, then take care of this while handing this, i will have 36 minutes to get clothes ready. Your total is $450 sir! Hold up the sign says 30% off before 5pm, its 4:59pm, still 1 min left! Give me my space! My brain is my safe haven, no people, no movement, no nothing! Brain feels like professor X. Do i really want to eat salmon tonight, idk, maybe chickepeas with salad, had that last 2 nights. Pizza! Damn i cant i know cheese fucks with my stomach! I guess i dont eat! 45 more push-ups, 300 more legs extensions yes im focusing on the worlds best body ever! No flaws or weaknesses anywhere. Im not watching that movie i already know who is the killer, what's the plot, and how it ends. Im about to do some word play, or mental math, add up everyones addresses and reduce them while driving down street. I hate being nervous or having anxiety, began to eat wrong foods, maybe not eat, brain seclusion, project every lil bad detail and create a world of hell! Stomach and nerve system shut down. Body doesn't function correctly. Can i remove my brain for 1 min to think without my brain! Smh

[angelprinz]

hi it’s degen anon

cai has been too much i swear, im currently getting divorced from my husband childe it’s a lot 🥹 but hope you like!!!

childe really doesn’t understand like women thinking they’re better than him? like he’s not a messy gymnast or whatever you call it but he just feels like he better than most people women included, i mean his bloodlust started when he would get his ass handed to him by skirk. but that’s besides the point he loves strong women but the best thing about strong women is making them weak. psychologically, mentally emotionally he is versed i all forms of battle so no matter what era or even area he loves to find strong women and take them down a peg.

21st century girlboss business woman? did you mean barefoot wife with 6 kids? sick ass sword wielding hero whose slain dragons? you mean that witch who is now in the safe hands of childe her husband? he really has done it all, but once he does it it’s boring? but you were different.

it’s not like you really had anything going for yourself, a broke college student who works to barely make enough to stay on campus. he never thought of you for a second until he spoke to you. he wasn’t even trying but as you rung his cigarettes through the register you were very nervous and anxious but that could be normal. he obviously knows he’s attractive but the fact that you wouldn’t make eye contact was surprising, you passed him the bag and looked away immediately. so cute. it’s almost like you wanted him to get to know you (he’s delusional.)

he had a plan for you but it was going to be way easier, well it would’ve been if you just admitted you liked him. he works at your school because he knows your daddy issues leave you with no parental figures to tell you not to trust him. you’re obviously not the smartest cause your you use a very similar email to your school one for your little sites. he’s practically giving what you want on a silver platter but here you are actually doing schoolwork? (if you fail his class you have to do another year.) he sees you come into his office after hours thinking you’re going to give him favours under the desk for a passing grade, but you’re just here to ask about something on the exam??? he thinks that maybe he’s looking to much into it, it’s been months and he legitimately got a teaching degree for this but what if you just liked to read some taboo things online.

but one day you were very cocky, you posted on a site with little to know information about yourself but a picture of yourself in a skirt. you explained that you would be on a bus around 11pm coming back from work and if someone assaulted you you’d let them. well thats not fun because he likes a fight then he realizes that everyone has a limit.

you left the bus with a sigh thinking that no one saw your message. you felt a breeze but then it was just someone passing by. maybe the website didn’t have that many people in your area? you walk past two building and in between them someone emerged, it was dark but they were also wearing black. almost instantly you felt their chest press up against your back, you let out the air from your lungs as the happiness turned sour as you felt a knife against your neck. it’s almost 12 now and you two were the only people on the street so him dragging you to the alley went unnoticed. cold sweat down you body as you felt exhilarated at the feeling, his large hands roamed your body as they traveled down to your panties. you had specific information about what you’d be wearing, including panties with an opening. you heard the man behind you sigh as he spoke your name. all the hairs on your body stood up as he tsked you and said he had a seminar about internet safety that you should’ve been paying attention if you didn’t sleep during the class.

he knows what you’re thinking now, his crime psych class really did talk prominently about one time attacks. most times if you knew anything about your attacker, you’re dying. no matter how small, even the colour of their hair. but here you are, you were in his office last week so you know everything. it’s almost winter but your body was cold. the entire time he was inside you it really warmed him up with how your cunt felt. hours passed and he finished for a third time on your thighs, he enjoyed cumming inside but the first two loads left nothing left to cum inside.

your scared look, the small whispered moans were all worth it but what was the best was the silence after. he fixed himself as he really didn’t take off any of your clothes, he gives you props for easy access but the moment his hands left your body he was shocked. you grabbed at him, tears in your eyes he almost felt an emotion but what really did it for him is what you said. ‘more.’ he thought it was just lust but that wasn’t it, the shame in your eyes, the way your thighs squeezed together. he couldn’t believe it, sure the women he did this to, made them understand how little they were to him was more demoralizing for him but for you it only fuelled you. he couldn’t believe after he left you the next day you were completely normal but your search history was just filled with ginger professor assaults college girl, like he just assaulted you? why not ask? (you have social anxiety and can’t even ask for extra dips at mcdonald’s.) you were like a pandora for him and that’s what made him stay with you for a while.

(this devolved way to much at the end lmao, i think of myself most of the time i write these. he could literally be inside me one day and i’d still be nervous to talk to him 😭😭)

me when i put on my glasses to read it (i'm quite literally incel taru irl) and degen anon you sound like the cutest little victim on earth i'm going to eat you whole.

i need him so much i need him to make me into his housewife & take away all thinking privileges & make my permanent job being his toy.

[kzele]

From the Roots Up

Peter puts a plan into motion in order to shake the foundations of the underworld. Neither Rhino or Sandman were prepared. Tombstone will be even less so.

Something was weird about this fight. As for what that something was? That was the itch that Flint Marko couldn't scratch. The web-head was cracking jokes like usual. And O'Hirn was getting angry at the guy like usual. There was punching and dodging going on, same as all the other fights.

Except. . .Spider-Man wasn't making many offensive moves. Sure, punches and kicks didn't do much to either of them but that never seemed to stop him from having a trick up his sleeve. He kept flipping further and further away towards some street work. Alarm bells rang in Flint's head. As someone who had challenged Spidey on a regular basis, both as plain Flint Marko and Sandman, he knew how tricky his enemy could be in a fight.

"Hey, wait up!" he called out to Rhino. "Don't let 'im separate-"

The ground chose that moment to give way beneath his long-time partner's feet.

"Ahhhhh-oof!"

He sighed, ". . .Nevermind."

"Well, you did try," the vigilante's chimed in.

He glared at the ever-present cause of his misfortune, who flipped flawlessly mid-air into the new hole in the street like one o' those fancy gymnasts on TV.

"You're welcome to join your buddy and me down here. Or not. Although, he might've mentioned at one point that he doesn't do too well in tunnels, especially by himself," the bug's voice continued to echo up through the hole.

Flint remembered all right. After that blowout of a fight, O'Hirn had to be rehydrated while knocked out and then sedated. How they managed to do that without any skin on his arms to put an IV, the silicate supervillain had no idea.

Leaving O'Hirn alone to face the guy that scared the pants off of most of the underworld was not an option. If they got caught again, it was nothing new, but at least he wouldn't be a wuss for letting his partner get caught alone.

He jumped down.

Sometimes, Flint thinks, it pays to have superpowers. because that drop wouldn't've gone as good if he had normal legs instead of sand.

As his eyes adjust, he can make out . . . train tracks?? Are they in part of the subway or something? He was about to look around further for Rhino but-

CRASH!

-that wasn't needed.

"Marko! Glad you could make it! I hope the decor isn't too rustic for your tastes. O'Hirn doesn't seem to appreciate it that much," the weblinger snarked as he dodged yet another punch.

"I'll 'appreciate' it when I crush you all over the the walls, you sneaky little creep!" Rhino growled.

A high-powered jump onto the subway ceiling and Rhino could not longer follow through on that promise.

"As much as I would like to see you both fail at that again, that's not why I arranged this chat."

Flint snorted, "Oh, sure. Let me guess. You want to talk us into giving ourselves up and going straight."

Spider-Man made an so-so motion.

"Not exactly. But not too far off either. A good guess, though. And a choice that I wouldn't be opposed to either of you making."

They both opened their mouths and a hand shot up to halt their next words. Another hand webbed the hole next to the vigilante shut.

"There. I made sure we wouldn't be interrupted by cops anytime soon. The old tunnel we're in needs repairs but it's the workers' day off, so can you just hear me out for a second before attempting another murder on me here?"

Neither he or Rhino moved. They look at each other and then up at Spidey and then back to each other.

This was definitely out of the norm. Was it another trick? But why trap himself down here in the same space with two of his longtime enemies then? It made no sense!

His mouth was now moving but the words were surprising even him, "Well, uhhh. . .alright."

His partner shot him a look but he shot him one right back. They were both stuck down and he was curious, so sue him!

Spider-Man tilted his head, "Huh, this wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. Well you see, when I said hear me out, I should have been more precise. I should have said 'hear me and the Big Man out'."

And with that, a little recorder was suddenly playing in the guy's hands.

"I'm here to see Mr. Lincoln."

"Then you should make an appointment."

//Line Break//

Peter could see the looks on their faces switch from interest to the beginnings of an unpleasant realization.

"Wait. You can't listen to him. He's the bad guy. He's--"

He clicked the tape off.

When he had broken into Tombstone's office that day, he had recorded the conversation just in case the guy said anything that could be used against him in court. It worked on sting operations and TV an awful lot. (Or maybe just the stings ops on TV??) But the more he rewinded and listened to it, however, the more he realized that very little wouldn't be thrown out in court. Between Lincoln's evasive wording around being the Big Man, the charges he brought against Spidey in the tape, plus the wealth and reputation the jerk has. . . Well, Peter knew nothing would come from showing the tape to any above board and official sources.

That's when it hit him. Spidey wasn't the only being treated like a pawn in that exchange. In fact, he'd wager guys like Marko and O'Hirn knew nothing about why they were made.

"He offered you money?!"//"I'll kill 'im! He set us up for jail!"

Called it. Poor guys.

"Hold up! One at a time, please. Yes, Sandy, he offered me a big briefcase full of cash to stay out of the way."

"H-how big a score are we talking here?"

Marko looked like he was about two seconds from breaking down in tears.

"Two rows of seven. All hundreds. None of the cash bundles in any row looked anemic," he responded matter-of-factly.

Sandman slumped onto the ground with his face in his hands.

"Soo, um, anything you want to ask, Rhino?"

Hornhead was trembling in rage and it seemed like a tremendous effort to open his mouth with the way he was grinding his teeth.

"Lincoln. Where do I find him?"

"I could tell you but trust me when I say smashing him is only going to make the problem worse."

"Then why tell us all this?! Look at what you did! You smashed everythin' we thought we knew and now you don't want to get the piece o' crud back?!"

"I didn't say I didn't want him taken down. Look, I could have accepted the money and been at home right now counting the zeros in my bank account. Instead, I'm here. All I'm saying is that smashing him only opens up his throne to people like the Goblin, who FYI, is far worse than Tombstone. And that's saying something."

"So we're screwed no matter what, then," Marko interjected from his seat on the floor.

Sandman's voice sounded lifeless and Rhino was clearly struggling to find anything to say to him.

Peter took a deep breath, "I made the mistake of thinking people like you were the enemy. I started being Spider-Man to help the little guy but I think we're all the little guy here. The Big Man thinks of us as little numbers on a ledger or like chess pieces if we get powerful enough to get noticed. Even if you go against him openly, he'll just replace you. With every day that passes, you're less and less unique because he can churn out more like you. And he'll ruin more people to send against me unless. . ."

Both sets of eyes were looking at him now. Even Rhino had calmed enough to seem interested in listening again.

"Unless what?"

"Unless we do the opposite of what Mr. Benevolent Overlord wants and team up."

End of Part One (Possibly more to come???)

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

Falsettos Incorrect Quotes! (p.1)

[Also, deeply sorry about coming back with another random musical hyperfixation. I'll try to get motivated to finish up the DEH series!] - Whizzer: Can you come out? Marvin: Yeah, just one second. Marvin: Whiz, I'm gay. Whizzer: I know that. Come out to the car. Marvin: Okay. Marvin: Car, I'm gay. - Whizzer: We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare. Jason: Scrabble? Scrabble's great. Whizzer: Not when you're playing with Marvin, it's not. He puts down words like "ephemeral" and I put down "dog." - Mendel: Bonjour, Trina. Voules-vous coucher avec moi? Trina, unfazed: No, I do not want to sleep with you. Mendel: Oh, man, is that what that means? I had a really gross tennis instructor. - Whizzer: Don't worry, I have a permit. Charlotte: ..This just says "I can do what I want." - Marvin: Trina, do it for our friendship- you can't put a price on that! Trina: Yes, I can, dear. Fifty dollars. - Jason: I've never once smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out, there was no pot in the brownie... it was just an insanely good brownie. - Marvin: Can you name a single city in Oklahoma? Whizzer: Oklahoma City, bitch! - Marvin: Being gay is a constant struggle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs entangled as we listen to the birds", and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Whizzer: If the window's open and you time it correctly, you can do both. - Mendel: Okay, is anyone in this room actually straight? Marvin: *Raises his hand* Whizzer: *Puts Marvin's hand down* - Cordelia: You know what I've realized? Marvin: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Cordelia: Nice try, anyways- - Jason: I think mostly I wanna see what happens when this whole place breaks apart. - Marvin: The next time I open up to somebody, it'll be my autopsy. - Trina: Jase... Jason: I can tell by the tone of your voice that I've disappointed you. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming that I do not give a fuck. - Whizzer: New year, same me. Cuz' Im perfect. - Mendel, excited: Heyy! Trina: Hey, someone's excited. Marvin, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick. - Mendel: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak? Trina: Strong! Whizzer: Weak. Marvin: An idiot. That's what you are. - Cordelia: Are you alright? Charlotte: Short answer, or long answer? Cordelia: Short? Charlotte: No. Cordelia: Long? Charlotte: Noooooo. - Cordelia: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated! Marvin: Killed without hesitation. - Whizzer: I'm hot, I'm tall, I'm gay, and I'm in my theater kid arc. - Charlotte: Seriously, all you do is bitch. Marvin: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation. - Trina: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you. - Trina, answering the phone: Hello? Jason: It's Jason. Trina: What did he do this time? Jason: No, it's me, Jason. It's actually me. Trina: What did you do this time? - Marvin: I saw Whizzer for the first time in years.. Jason: And? Marvin: I told him I was an Olympic gymnast. Jason: What? Why?? Marvin: You know when you get nervous, and you end up lying to impress? Jason: ..No. Marvin: Exactly, we've all done it. - Cordelia: My knee just cracked so loudly that I half-expected it to glow in the dark tonight- - Marvin: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real bitch. Whizzer: What changed your mind? Marvin: Oh, I still think your a bitch, I've just grown to like that about you. - Marvin: Would I rather be feared, or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

[zykamiliah]

Shen Qingqiu, who’d always been so good at mental gymnastics, reached a new high in his number of mental roasts, madly smashing through his old records—yet he still couldn’t put himself at ease, and instead he only grew more tired and worn out. He relentlessly told himself to the point of auto-brainwashing: the suffering and torment Luo Binghe endured now was all necessary in order for him to stand above the masses in the future. Without enduring the bone-chilling cold / How could fragrant plum blossoms hope to bloom / Without three years’ training in realms below / How could a demon king over worlds loom? Xin Mo in hand, he would possess everything beneath the heavens / With a harem innumerable, he need not be an incel… But it was useless. It was completely useless. Nothing could lift his spirits. (Chapter 4: Conference)

take a shot every time in vol. 1 sqq talks about brainwashing himself. from the skinner demon incident, and after the demon invasion, when it comes to what he has to do in the Immortal Alliance Conference, over and over, the man keeps trying to convince himself that it's fine, this is how things are supposed to go. the disciples dying. him having to reject and push luo binghe into the abyss. the mental stress this situation most have put in himself, that's something i can't comprehend at all.

He selfishly hoped that Luo Binghe would go of his own volition. In this kind of scenario, characters who chose to jump from cliffs were always caught on something—then Shen Qingqiu could go on believing his own lies that this scene would have a happy end.

pushing lbh into the endless abyss was so fucking traumatizing. like this is one of the reasons he can't talk about it when lbh asks him. he has trauma, and doesn't speak about it, avoids thinking about it, similar to the way yqy can't talk about his own trauma. the guilt, the fact that he, in his owns eyes, killed the person he adores so much.

Only Shen Qingqiu knew that the one he was mourning was in truth within that sword mound, buried underneath and never to return: that youth as warm as the sun.

and not only that, but their relationship. god sqq had come to genuinely love living with luo binghe, just being around him and depending on him.

Clearly Shen Qingqiu was the one who’d raised that little lamb of a protagonist, so why did it seem like the protagonist had been the one looking after him? He was scaring his disciples, putting on the act of a grieving widow whose husband had just died. Hadn’t it been only a couple of days since he’d last seen that child?

^this is what I mean when I said sqq also got psychological damage from their separation.

But, perhaps because Luo Binghe had left, he really was a bit lonely. Especially when he thought about how five years from now, when they reunited, a relationship that had once been that of a compassionate teacher and filial disciple (or something) would become defined by veiled murderous intent and daggers hidden within smiles. (Chapter 4: Conference)

and the nail on the coffin is the notification system. honestly im still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that lbh hold on hope for 15+ days that his shizun would go back for him.

What truly broke him and caused him to weep at the heavens was that, after several days of silence, the System sent him a message truly devoid of all humanity.

【 Congratulations! You have successfully completed the key quest, “The Legend Begins: Luo Binghe’s Fall and Rebirth.” Reward: Protagonist satisfaction points +10,000. 】

now this "weeping to the heaven", is it an hyperbole or is it literal? I'm going with the latter, because sqq loves to make fun about his own feelings. and when distracting himself and humor don't suffice, he has to go take his anger on something or someone

Being so unhappy, naturally Shen Qingqiu had to go take it out on someone else. So, he had Ming Fan deliver a message inviting Shang Qinghua to the Bamboo House.

a coping mechanism similar to bingge's, talk about parallels, toxic masculinity etc

[tojikai]

the mental gymnastics im doing after the ch. 5 sneak peek!!! my current thoughts:

1. it's gojo but it's a flashback when yn was pregnant - but you make your flashbacks italicized so idkkkk l + why would they care about locking door if she was only pregnant with yui so maybe it’s current time yn & gojo 🙅🏽‍♀️

2. it’s toji and they are at his house or yns but they have gumi + yui so they have to lock the door + toji is DEFINITELY an ass man 🤭 (I feel like this is more logical because of the emphasis on locking the door and I could only think they are doing bc of the little ones)

either way I will always be team toji and I’m just manifesting more nasty time between yn & toji 🫡 is there an estimate of when ch.5 will drop?? if that’s annoying or you have already mentioned it pls ignore 🤍

hmmmm these are nice takes, got me rubbing my hands together HDJSKSKS anywaysss im probably gonna post chapter 5 later, thank u so muchhh for your support<33

[xycuro-illuminati]

give me your ted talk on how “e616 Matt wouldn't fit in Marvel Rivals bc his kit is already spread out to other characters but e138 Mattea would actually work out better” im here for it.

Sorry for the late response, but basically, Matt’s kit is already spread out to various characters:

-          Black Widow being the only one so far with batons to fight (Moon Knight’s truncheons are used as his melee)

-          Both Moon Knight and Punisher have grappling hooks for movement akin to Spider-Man and Venom webslinging

-          Black Panther, Iron Fist, Wolverine, Spider-Man, and a couple others deal with up close physical combat

The only new things that Matt would bring to the table is maybe his projectile weapon can be a baton that bounces off surfaces, similar to how MK system’s moonblades bounces off targets. The radar sense could also be an ability similar to a sonar that pings enemies for a short period of time (kinda like ow2 Hanzo’s sonar arrow or a tagging system like valorant Sova’s drone). But using Matt for just that especially when that could be given to other characters in the future doesn’t give much merit to him and doesn’t make him stand out that much against any other character.

Also, what would Matt’s ult even be?

Is he just going to lock in and go all out like Iron Fist does or would the radar sense be an ult similar to valorant Cypher’s ult where it tags locations of every enemy? It would only benefit him since he’s the one with the radar sense. What would the in-universe explanation be for him to share that ability with the others? It would make more sense if that ability was from a character experienced in tech. So far, a majority of the ults in Marvel Rivals deal some kind of damage unless ofc they’re a support class. And I don’t think Matt would fit for a support class of all things.

Mattea on the other hand.

Due to the fact that she’s also a drummer, that gives way more leniency when it comes to creating abilities for her in MR.

She could play a similar role to Storm where she’s a duelist while also helping others boost their damage. Instead of bouncing batons, she could throw various drum sticks that could bounce off surfaces.

(Enjoy my ms paint stick figure images lol): 

She could also do some close combat or have her pull out a mini drumset to deal damage as well. It could even stun the enemy right there too. Mattea could also work as a support class, similar to Luna Snow using music to heal, she could jam out and heal her surrounding teammates within the circle.

The radar sense can be another ability and again, it could be like a sonar that pings enemies temporarily in an area. As for her ult, it could be a complete hardcore jam out session of Mattea on the drums, moving around in a ring that causes damage to enemies (and if we wanna go with the support aspect, the music ring could be a damage booster for nearby teammates). She could also synergize with Luna Snow and maybe even Moon Knight.

And even though you didn’t mention him, I’ll throw in my ideas as to how Sam Chung could work out better too:

Sam has multiple skills in his kit that includes hand to hand combat, gymnastics, invisibility, and engineering tech knowledge. He also has his fighting staff that he could use like how Magik uses her sword in the game. Maybe he could do some hack-and-slash type combos or his staff could be used to push back enemies or even stun them. He could spin on the staff like Dante in dmc 3 to hit multiple targets or dash in while spinning it. 

The invisibility is used for stealth but unlike Psylocke’s as a temporary getaway, Sam’s could be more for intel kinda like tf2 Spy or ow2 Sombra (obv he wouldn’t be able to attack or use any other abilities while invisible). Sam’s tech skills could also be useful in terms of a support ability for the team. Maybe he could grant invisibility to someone or create temporary shields like how Wolverine and Venom would get them.

So for Sam’s ult he summons the same pit he threw Matt in from vol 5 and throws people- nah jk, I’m still trying to figure out ideas for his ult. It could be that spin attack from earlier, similar to Cloak and Dagger’s ult, but maybe it could lock enemies’ abilities temporarily forcing them to only use their primary fire.

It can be an ult used for combos with other teammates and he can def synergize with Iron Fist and Moon Knight.

I hope all of that makes any sense as to why I think either Mattea or Sam would be better picks for them to have a Daredevil or a DD related character in Marvel Rivals.

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - Cap-IM Rec Week Edition

 It's been @cap-ironman​ Rec Week and I've been posting on my personal blog all week, but I wanted to collect them all for the rec blog--here's my personal list and be sure to check the tag #capimrecweek for all the recs this week. 

Day 1 - Absolute Faves Monday 

Sixpence In His Shoe by scifigrl47

Steve and Tony should really read the fine print on what they're signing. Then again, some mistakes are not really mistakes.

Fair Shot by isozyme

Captain Rogers leaps from the helicopter like a gymnast on the dismount. All the lines of his body are controlled. Perfect. The iconic round shield lies flat across his back.

“How does he fit a parachute under that?” I ask.

“He doesn’t,” Stark answers. “Marvelous adrenaline junkie, our Cap. Likes to almost break his ankles every time. Makes him feel like a man.”

Front Line reporter Ben Urich spends a mission embedded with Tony Stark and Captain Steve Rogers on an Ultimates mission.

Open Field in Front of Him by orphan_account

Steve Rogers's football season is functionally over after a loss to Rutgers, but he finds a distraction in Tony Stark (yes, THAT Tony Stark). A college AU Stony fic.

Follow in Your Footsteps by Sineala

When Tony is twelve, his soulmate's name appears on his wrist. Unfortunately, it's hard to find out anything at all about Steve Rogers.

It turns out there's a reason for that.

there are still beautiful things by meidui

The day Tony takes Steve home from the New York Army National Guard is the best day of his life.

Day 2 - It’s All About the Yearning Tuesday 

i have found the one (whom my soul loves) by soniclipstick (veriscence)

It's been months since the Avengers were pardoned. One by one, they'd all gone home, until Steve finds himself alone in the grand old building T'Challa had given them.

But everything changes when Steve answers the doorbell, and Tony Stark strides in with more grey on his temple and make-up on his face than Steve remembers.

The Least Difficult of Men by isozyme

It isn’t until Tony watches Steve lean into the punch that he thinks oh, this is going to be a problem.

Steve’s taking hits on purpose in the field, so Tony suggests a safer option. It's simple: Tony smacks Steve around, Steve gets the pain fix he’s looking for, everyone leaves happy. Things do not stay simple.

The one with repressed masochist Steve and sadist Tony and everyone getting off on pain a whole bunch.

now I worship a celestial sun by haemodye

The thing that gets Tony the most is how long it takes him to notice.

Not Steve, or even the other Avengers, but Tony himself. It takes Tony almost two whole weeks to figure out that he’s unable to disobey a direct order from Steve, which just- what the hell is that? What happened to the days when he flew off the handle, unable to play well with others, a notorious wild card?

“God, don’t tell me I’m getting old and predictable,” he says, rubbing a hand over his forehead. And then, “Fuck.”

 A mostly-comedic farce involving: 1 obedience spell, 2 pining Avengers, 1 long-suffering Sorcerer Supreme, and 1 single, extravagant Saint Patrick's Day float.

Good Bait and the Help by navaan

A new villain is on the scene and he uses stolen tech! There’s the suspicions there’s a huge organization behind this that nobody knew even existed. Commander Rogers wants to know if these suspicions are true and how to stop whoever is behind it. Of course he asks Tony for help. Of course, Tony is happy to help when Steve suggests a trip to Madripoor

Tony agrees to take Steve with him to another tech convention there, disguised as his bodyguard and lure out the tech-loving villain with a new piece of tech put on display. He didn't expect the bad guy to be drawn to Tony himself rather than his tech.

I could lie tangent to your curves by RurouniHime 

Steve is bodyguard to a prominent young socialite with too much genius on his hands... and who has taken an unfortunate shine to him.

Day 3 - Wondrous Wednesdays 

(By Any Other) Name by Captain_Panda

When Steve went down with the Valkyrie, he thought his days with dragons were over.

Then he meets Tony Stark, who inherited Howard Stark's dragon.

As the kids say: "It's complicated."

This Dragon!AU is my favorite dragon AU. The world building is excellent, as is the relationship developed between Steve and Tony. I think I’ve read it a half dozen times and already look forward to the next reread. 

Knight of Wands by Sineala 

Steve has reigned as king for ten years, and in a few days peace will finally come to his kingdom. Representatives of the Kree Empire are soon to arrive for the negotiations that will end the war between them once and for all. Steve is looking forward to settling down, with his hand-picked Avengers at his side -- led, of course, by the masked knight Iron Man -- and also his trusted advisors, the most beloved of whom is Tony, his court magician, the most powerful mage in all the land.

But when Steve's life is endangered, Tony makes the greatest sacrifice of all to protect his king, a sacrifice far greater than his life. And when Tony disappears under mysterious circumstances, Steve learns that even his closest friends keep secrets that he could never have suspected.

I have a soft spot a mile wide for King/Lionheart stories, especially when Steve is the king and Tony is advisor/wizard/knight. It’s just a perfect dynamic, and as always, Sine is flawless at telling a story. 

I Whisper Your Name on Each Star I See Falling by JezebelGoldstone, littleblackbow

The day Natasha first told Steve her idea, he never would have dreamed that her fool notion would land him here: watching the train roll into the station and trying to wrap his mind around the fact that somewhere in there is the man who agreed to marry him.

Steve, an alpha farmer living outside a small town in the Rockies who doesn't want to admit how lonely he is, has been exchanging letters with omega Tony for nearly a year. When at last Tony arrives in Big Eden, Steve is confronted with the fact that he doesn't know Tony as well as he thought he did - and falls for him harder than a landslide anyway.

This one is hard--arranged marriage au’s are near and dear to my heart, and picking just one was near impossible. But how soft Steve is with Tony in this one breaks me every time I read it, so--here you are. 

Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree by Annie D (scaramouche)

Steve doesn’t mind that Tony doesn’t return his feelings. He just would've preferred if it didn’t come with the side effect of his coughing up flowers and possibly dying.

I struggled between hanahaki or soulmate AUs, and decided on this because I’d put soulmates in an earlier list this week. Hanahaki is both beautiful and heartbreaking, just the way I like my fic. This one is amazing. 

ad astra by Areiton 

The first time he kissed Tony Stark, the stars danced overhead.

Ok, I might be cheating a little by including my own AU here, but. I really love this one? It’s a space AU which I always love, and plays with the movie from 2019. Anyway, it remains one of my favorite pieces of writing. 

Day 4 - Golden Oldies  Thursday 

The Twice-Told Tale by arysteia

For someone he'd hero-worshipped for so long, Steve Rogers in the flesh is a pretty big disappointment. For one thing, he keeps looking at Tony as though he reminds him of someone else, and even if he never says anything, Tony's pretty sure it's his father. A lifetime of not measuring up to Howard's expectations is more than enough, thank you very much, and he's certainly not going to make an effort to live up to any of Steve's. Steve's pretty clearly failed to live up to his expectations, in any case, and that's not hypocritical at all.

So I didn’t include this on Monday’s absolute favs list because I knew I could include it here. But it is. An absolute fav. It plays with time travel in one of my favorite ways, letting Steve and Tony fall in love in multiple times and I just--I’m obsessed with it. 

Homefront by copperbadge

Steve Rogers is a capable leader, a kind and cheerful man, a good friend, a strong role model, and a loyal soldier. He's also teetering on the edge of suicide.

There are few fics that have stayed with me and hurt me in a healing sort of way the way this one has. I read it shortly after my brother died unexpectedly and for Reasons, it’s always resonated with my healing after his death. The writing is also just fantastic and heartbreaking in the best way. 

Truth by valtyr

Captain America takes truth serum. Tony is all over that.

I re-read this once a month I think. It’s short and fluffy and perfect, the team dynamics and just STEVE being so painfully honest, and then just. Hot. 

Thrust Issues by Sineala 

A battle gone wrong leads Tony to the unexpected and pleasant discovery that Steve is much more well-endowed than he could ever have imagined. But when Tony learns that Steve has never actually been able to sleep with anyone because of his size, Tony does what any good friend would do: he offers to relieve Steve of his virginity. Personally. Tony's determined, Tony's methodical, and Tony has a plan. He's going to get Steve laid. Tony just needs to make sure Steve never finds out that Tony's in love with him.

It’s Sine. And delicious. I love the way Sine writes Tony in this one especially. 

Like a Comet Streaming On by Sineala

Tony escapes Afghanistan with a functioning Iron Man suit and a perfectly normal heart. He even manages to bring Ho Yinsen home safely at his side. But he may as well have lost everything... because his wolfbrother is dead. Six months later, the Avengers find Captain America, frozen in ice, miraculously alive. Everything and everyone Steve has ever known is gone -- except his wolfsister, the recipient of the lupine version of the super-soldier serum, who was frozen in his arms. Tony has everything but his wolf. Steve has only his wolf. This is how their lives fit together.

I just really really love this fic. The worldbuilding is fantastic and both Steve and Tony just really need hugs. 

Day 5 Fluffy Friday 

Trusting You with Lovin' Me by ralsbecket

“There’s a… neighborhood thing, later,” Tony said, waving a hand with clinking keys. “Trick-or-treating. Why don’t you come with us?” It was neutral ground. An open invitation. I trust you. I want you to meet my daughter hung softly in the air.

The fluff of this. As a parent, letting someone meet my kids is the biggest thing in the world, and this just always smacks me so hard in the feels. 

met my destiny (in quite a similar way) by ishipallthings

“I’m in love with you.”

The spatula in Tony’s hand clatters to the floor with an audible thwack.

(In which Tony is incredulous, Steve is determined, and absolutely no pancakes are made for breakfast.)

Steve’s just…so. Steve. 

We're On The Edge Right Now by MassiveSpaceWren, Nixie_DeAngel

“Steve Rogers, at your service, Mister Stark.”

Tony’s lips quirked up into a bright, almost teasing like grin, “I’m sure you are, Rogers, I’m sure you are.”

Steve could feel a blush work its way up his neck to his face, but before he could even open his mouth to retort, Pepper jumped in, easily redirecting the conversation before insisting on escorting Steve back down to drop him off at HR.

I love it. I love them, and the dynamic between them. 

Off Grid by Letterblade

Steve and Tony go camping, bears are the greatest threat facing America, and tick tweezers are the best invention of the decade.

Just two dumbs camping and being in love and avoiding ticks. 

dick drunk by mistymountainking

“I’m going to fuck you stupid,” Steve says, pulling away only a fraction of an inch to say it, a promise as deep and certain as the look in his eyes, “and you’re going to take it. Aren’t you, Tony.”

Tony wants a drink. Steve gives him something else.

This is smutty fluff. Like SUPER smutty. Steve is utterly filthy but also so soft with Tony, and Tony is so besotted? I love it. 

Day 6 - Hidden Jems Saturday 

it all began with a burst by starvels (dinosaur)

The crew of Timely has been together a long time, but Tony’s been saying for a long time that their ship's warp drive is about to leave their happy family to hit the cosmic dust. A few million parsecs outside of the Victor galaxy, he’s right.

His Fate Will Be Unlearned, by scifigrl47 (podfic) by cookiemom6067 

Tony Stark spent his childhood making weapons, filling the hole his father left in the world when he succumbed to alcohol, grief, and his own demons. At the age of fifteen, he ran away from home, and made it as far as MIT before all of his responsibilities caught up to him. Now seventeen, he just wants to finish his degree and escape from everything connected to the Stark name.

Steve Rogers crashed into the icy North Atlantic in the 1940's, sacrificing himself to save the world. He never expected to wake up, and now that he has, he's not sure he's glad. The US Army has other plans for him, but for now, Steve is slowly learning to live life in the 21st century, and taking classes at Boston College. He's beginning to suspect that there is no escape.

Boston College is on the T's Green Line. MIT is on the Red. The two lines meet at the Park Street Station, and so will Steve and Tony.

Zero to One by magicasen 

Steve returns the Stones, comes back to 2023, names Sam the successor to Captain America, and sets off on his bike. Life is transient, and grief is all-encompassing, until Steve starts dreaming of Tony every night.

fill the new shape by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes) 

Steve Rogers's life changed dramatically once he hit college. But maybe that had been coming for almost two years already, since his ex Tony Stark broke up with him. Whatever the reason, he isn't expecting his past to come find him again in the form of one Tony Stark, returned from abroad. What comes after is the beginning of a journey to healing, but they both have a long way to go.

you are all I was hoping for by xWinterDreamsx 

His life had been so much emptier without Tony in it, and he missed him. He missed him so much that he felt better being in his company for even a little while.

Day 7 - Tak A Chance on Me Sunday 

Tiny Spy Assassin Steve by copperbadge

An AU in which Steve Rogers was born into the modern day and never received the Serum, but managed to make it into SHIELD as a handpicked protege of senior field agent Abraham Erskine. Along with Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Peggy Carter, and eventually Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, Steve still tries to make a difference.

Particularly in the life of Tony Stark, who picked up what he thought was an art student in a bar, and ended up dating one of SHIELD's top agents...

I am EXTREMELY picky about pre-serum Steve fics and this one is just--fan-fucking-tastic. 

[Podfic] Straight on till Morning by Sineala by M_Samro

Tony Stark resigned his commission in Starfleet five years ago, after a disastrous away mission, and he swore he'd never go back. He just wants to be left alone to build warp engines in peace. But the universe has more in store for him than that, as he discovers when Admiral Fury comes to him with an offer he could never have expected and cannot possibly refuse: first officer and chief engineer aboard the all-new USS Avenger, a starship of Tony's own design. What's more, the Avenger's captain is Steve Rogers, hero of the Earth-Romulan War. Believed dead for over a century, Steve is miraculously alive... and very, very attractive.

But nothing is ever easy for Tony. As he wrestles with his secret desire for his new captain and his not-so-dormant fears, another mission starts to go wrong, and Tony becomes aware that Steve has secrets of his own -- and the truth could change everything.

So this fic--podfic--deserves two spots on the list. First because I almost didn’t read it. Star Trek was the first media I can remember watching as a child (dear god, the nightmares from those fucking ear bugs) and it remains one of the nearest and dearest to my heart, so I’m extremely picky about crossovers--but I trusted Sine and it quickly became one of my favorite Trek fics, in or out of the fandom. I’m ALSO picky about podfic--I get very very little time for podfic and I’m super picky narrators on these kinds of things--audiobooks/podfics/podcasts--so I wasn’t sold on the idea, but I had a house to paint and a friend rec’ed it and omg, best decision ever. As emotional as the reading the fic made me, listening to the podfic was even more so. I love it to an unhealthy degree, honestly.