#im not and have never been an authority figure for her despite actual efforts to parentify me LMAO i

[ii-zi]

I'm aware ppl here don't actually know my parents but do u think they're mad bc i basically gave my younger sister permission to travel to the other side of the country with her one friend (a little older than me and very responsible) I really like and trust for a concert and she took as all the permission she needed?

[sokkas-honour]

#17 for the spotify wrapped with zuko! <3

prom queen - zuko x reader

pairing: zuko x fem!reader

wc: 1k (it’s a short one, i didn’t feel like exploring this song too much as i associate it with a certain sort of my life. i also didn’t put too much effort into tbh, again for the same reason)

warning: if you’re sensitive to body image talk, possible diet talk, possible starvation mention, please don’t go any further. i tried to keep it as light as possible but i did project onto it a bit.

notes: i cherry picked lyrics that work best for this, and the least triggering ones. its kinda of a part two to detention as requested by @aangsupremacy (hopefully this works for you), just not a direct one.

wish i was like you, blue-eyed blondie, perfect body,

she was everything you could never be. with beautiful long black hair and an elegance that you only wish you could have. but most of all, she had the firelord’s attention, she had his heart. she had his attention ever since they were children and it was foolish of you to ever imagine things going differently.

it was foolish of you to think he’d even fall for you, the waterbender who’d been tasked to be his bodyguard ever since you two were children. it was foolish of you to think that, even though you two had been through so much together, you still would never even cross his mind as anything more than a simple friend.

all the nights you two spent on that boat, giving him a space to talk when he needed it. you had always been there for him, you were with him every step of the way from the agni kai to ba sing se, to joining the avatar and defeating ozai. you two had grown close during that time and you genuinely thought that something was happening between the two of you, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. you had forgotten that the affection that zuko felt towards mai transcended any relationship that you had built up with him. spirits did you wish you were her.

maybe I should try harder, you should lower your beauty standards,

you remembered the comments you used to get while on the boat, your body constantly being picked apart by middle aged men who didn’t have any better to do then to bodyshame a teenager. being away from the crew, a weight had been lifters off your shoulders when you found a group of friends that never said anything about your appearance nor found anything wrong with it.

you should’ve realised that when you agreed to join zuko as his advisor that the picking apart would get worse. his cabinet was still very closed minded and judgemental, none of them liked the idea of a waterbender from a watertribe to be the one advising the leader of the firenation, none of them seemed to remember that your whole childhood was spent in between these walls.

most of the time, words were never said directly to you but usually were whispers strategically placed to make sure you heard what they all thought about you. it hurt a lot but you were able to push down all of your emotions until one day, when someone who used to be a part of zuko’s crew, came to help him around the place. the crew had caught on that despite how much he aggravated you, you had a thing for zuko, so he of course made fun of you for it in front of the firelord’s officers who knew of his current relationship status. and that’s when things started to go down hill.

“i’m going to find the firelord and see what he thinks about it.” it all started when you were having a meeting with some of his esteemed generals and admirals, he was absent so you took his place which meant that some people thought it was fun to try and take advantage of your lack of authority. the only way to settle the current argument was to grab the firelord himself and drag zuko into the mess that only he could clean.

“wouldn’t want to do that, his girlfriend might think you’d want to steal him.” a misplaced teasing rang from general tao, one who seemed to always be against you.

“please, mai would take one look at her and not even think that she’d pose a threat. i mean have you seen her body?” another voice inserted himself into the conversation and you started to feel like you’d wish that you could just evaporate into thin air.

“not to mention that marrying someone from the watertribe would be absolutely dishonourable.” general sho added, a smirk on his face as he knew that all of their comments were affecting you. sho was definitely someone who liked to pretend that he didn’t miss ozai, just like half of the people in the room that laughed at the jokes.

“meeting adjourned.” you exclaimed, not wanting to even deal with them any longer and just go to your room and cry about what had happened. you were the first to stand up and go to the leave the room but right as you were about to leave, you heard one more comment.

“go cry about it, maybe you can waterbend it or, even better, loose a little.” it was the last straw and you felt your eyes prick with tears but you couldn’t show total weakness so you held your composure and scurried to your room, making sure to avoid absolutely anyone.

im no quick-curl barbie, i was never cut out for prom queen,

when you closed the door to your chamber, you threw yourself on your bed and just cried, letting all the words that everyone had ever said get to you. you knew that you weren’t ever going to make a good ruler, which is probably for the best that mai is a good contender for the position seeing as she and zuko are madly in love.

but spirits did you wish you were. you weren’t the regal type, you weren’t elegant, you weren’t raised as someone important, you were raised as a bodyguard who’s entire worth was based on wether or not you could protect the future firelord. not matter how much you tried to get over him, you couldn’t. your entire self worth had been based around him since a young age so of course it continued into your early adult years. your whole life had been intertwined with zuko and your destinies, at least that’s what you thought, were always going to be shared in a way.

maybe that’s why you tried your hardest to always be nice to him, be there for him, be a friend for him even when he didn’t want one. sometimes you wondered if you actually did love him or if it was just that if he did love you, you would actually feel like you had a place. you’d always conclude that it was the first, just seeing him happy and smile made your heart race as a fast as a rollercoaster. no one else had ever done that to you.

you remembered the one time you had ever lashed out at zuko. you were grieving and he was being selfish. you had always given him the space to talk about his feelings so you expected the same, only, it took you ignoring him for a couple of days for him to finally understand that friendship was a two way street, even when he was banished.

after that, zuko always listened to you when you needed it and spirits did you wish he was there now. you don’t exactly know what you’d tell him but in right now, you craved him just rubbing your back soothingly and letting you air out what was on your mind. those moments weren’t too common but they were precious.

you were ready to just recompose yourself in your room alone but you jumped a bit when you heard someone knock at the door.

“shit.” you mumbled, quickly trying to find somewhere to look at your reflection to wipe the tears and boy was that going to be a problem. your eyes were red, cheeks were puffy and heavily tear stained, and your hair was disheveled from gripping it as you sobbed.

there was nothing you could do but pray that whoever was behind that door was just a guard coming by to tell you something, they never commented on your current appearance as they were used to seeing the firelord in unpleasant circumstances.

you took a deep breath in and went to open the door. you felt your heart stop when you saw your best friend with a huge smile on his face.

“hey y/n, i-" zuko started off his greeting with the cheeriest voice you’d ever heard from him but the tone quickly switched once he registered that you had been crying. “are you okay?”

“yeah zuko, i’m fine.” you lied, fully aware that he could see that you weren’t and the lie was useless, but you couldn’t talk about what was going on with zuko.

“y/n i know you’re lying, you’re my best friend. and you look like you’ve just been crying.” zuko placed his hand on your cheek and rubbed his thumb gently from side to side. you sighed and leaned into it, savouring the affectionate moment.

“it’s fine, it’s nothing important.” you mumbled after a couple of seconds were spent in silence, not knowing if this was the time to tell him about the treatment that you’d received from his generals and the love that you had for him.

“you know you can tell me anything, right y/n? i learned that a while ago thanks to you. i come to you for help and advice, and vice versa.” he insisted, removing his hand, much to your dismay. his eyes filled with concern as he wasn’t going to just dismiss your feelings like the last time he’d found you crying.

“i don’t want to talk about it right now, maybe at another time.” you compromised, figuring that in a day or so you could finally come forward about it without breaking down.

“deal.” he smiled, glad that you had accepted his help.

“but you had news to tell me, so don’t let the way i look keep you from telling me.” you returned his smile, changing your tone to one of intrigue at the wonder of what got your friend so excited.

“mai said yes to the trip!” he announced giddily.

“the trip to?” you asked confused, if he had discussed this trip with you, you had completely forgotten.

“the trip where i plan to propose to her! i’m pretty sure i told you about this the other week.” he clarified, slightly confused as to why you didn’t remember as in his memory, he had talked it out with you a couple of weeks prior.

“oh yeah, that trip.” you felt your heart drop, you completely forgot about that, it was the last hope of zuko ever loving you as more than a friend, it was already small to begin with but now it was nonexistent. she would say yes and you’d have to live with the knowledge that you never said anything to him, you’d have to live with and help the new firelady, you’d have to see them rule the nation as you’d just think about your unrequited love.

“we leave the day after tomorrow, do you think she’ll say yes?” the firelord was nervous about a girl, your heart broke a bit knowing that you never had that affect on him but it was to her fault for keeping your feelings to yourself.

“of course she will zuko. the two of you are perfect for each other. you’re handsome, a great friend, you’re always there for your friends, you always want what’s best for everyone, and youre a great ruler. and mai, mai’s just drop dead gorgeous.” you rambled, not realizing that you might have raised his suspicions at your listing of his qualities but all it did was make him more confident, he must’ve only seen your small confession as a planotic one.

“thank you y/n. and when i get back, i’ll find someone for you so we can have double dates!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“yeah zuko, that’d be great.” if only he knew that the only person for you was him. you only gave him a half smile before he turned around to do whatever, leaving you alone in your room with something more to cry about.

if im pretty, will you like me? they say "beauty makes boys happy"

a little while after he left, you went out of your room to go clear your mind next to one of the turtle duck ponds. as you sat down to watch the adorable animals, you saw mai pass down the hallway that opened to the courtyard. she spotted you and waved, not bothering to stop as she probably had somewhere to be. you waved back but it made you realise something.

as you looked at your reflection, you thought of how beautiful mai was and how average you were. you’d never compare to her beauty, meaning zuko would never look at you and think ‘woah’. maybe no one would ever see you as the most gorgeous person in the four nations, all you’d be was someone who let the love of their life live with his life without knowing about your feelings.

maybe it was time to move out of the firepalace, the guards didn’t seem to like you and the comments started to get too much to hide the way it hurt you. you wouldn’t have to watch zuko and mai act all lovey dovey. youd finally move on from your life where your whole worth was based around the banished prince turned firelord. maybe you’d find love with someone who saw you as their whole world just like zuko did with mai.

maybe your life would be better.

atla taglist: @draqondance @biqherosix @missmorosis @firelady-jay

zuko taglist: @duh-dobrik

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

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Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

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The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.

[clairvoyantxatu]

On Pokémon and Insensitive Portrayals

WARNING! LEAKED CONTENT FOR POKEMON SWORD AND SHIELD AHEAD! AS WELL AS DISCUSSION ABOUT CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS! AND PLEASE, DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS UNTIL YOU FINISH READING THE TEXT, I TRIED MY BEST NOT TO DEMONIZE ANY OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED IN THIS DEBATE!

So, I’ve just found out that some Jewish fans have condemning the design of Impidimp’s final evolution, Grimmsnarl, for being eerily similar to antisemitic caricatures from Nazi propaganda.

They claim his green complexion, curly dark hair and long, pointy nose is pretty close to Third Reich-era depictions of Jewish people. The issue is similar to the controversy surruounding Jynx that happened when the series first came to the West. I decided to write this in order to expose my opinions on the matter, and maybe prevent further conflicts between defenders and accusers. Keep in mind, I can’t speak for Jewish people since I’m not one of them, but I personally believe anyone can share their opinions about controversial topics as long as they don’t commit the mistake of thinking they know more about a group they don’t belong to than themselves. Here goes my thoughts:

I personally DON’T believe Game Freak, as a company at least, is actively discriminatory against any group in particular; the majority of their employees, even the main members of its staff, might hold some biases coming from the still pretty conservative Japanese culture they’re inserted in. But they’ve already shown thorugh their actions throughout the years they’re not trying to perpetuate hatred towards any group in particular, even taking some measures - some of them, even too drastic, IMO - to secure that, like changing Jynx’ color palette starting from Gen III, temporarily replacing Brock in the anime with Tracey and slightly altering Gym Leader Lenora’s default design to please the fans concerned with their possible racist implications. But I think the biggest proof of that is how, starting from Gen V, they’ve been making an effort to include more diversity among their human cast, including more and more characters with different cultural and ethnic backgrounds with each passing generation, and even alluding to sexual diversity from time to time - if only through subtext, in the latter’s case (save for that post-op trans woman in the Battle Chateau, which got slightly less explicit in the English localization). Of course, not everything is perfect in that department, as can be attested by their reluctancy to depict the Player Characters in their more dark-skinned variations, as of X and Y, (and before that, the complete absence of that possibility in-game) in promotional art and spinoff media outside of screenshots of main series games designed specifically to showcase character customization, but I’d like to think this had more to do with the Japanese market - still their main target audience, despite the franchise’s success over the entire globe - being hesitant to accept character designs outside certain “standards” for their PC’s even to this day, to a lesser extent than in the past, of course. But one thing that people need to understand is that companies are complex entities encompassing many individual minds; them having flaws and making mistakes from time to time does not necessarily mean they are rotten to the core, even if, in the end, their main priority is making money for themselves (altruism is NOT a strong point in capitalist societies, sadly, but I digress).

With all that said, I’d like to point out as well, that sometimes, good intentions are not enough to perform a good deed; in fact, they can lead to grave consequences! And it’s not different with representation; sometimes, one can intend to portray a character from a certain group in a positive light and end up being tremendously insensitive, usually due to their own ignorance towards that group. I believe that’s the case with Jynx and other examples from Pokémon; while I’m one of the fans who prefer to believe Jynx is based on the Youkai Yama-Uba (refer to this link for more info on that: https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Jynx_(Pok%C3%A9mon)#Origin), I cannot deny there is a strong similarity between Jynx’ original design and blackface caricatures, specially since the Yama-Uba is usually portrayed in Noh theatre by performers wearing blackface - even if without the intention to emulate actual black people. It doesn’t help that the anime chose to portray this species as Pokémon’s equivalent of Santa Claus’ usual elf assistants, possibly linking Jynx to Zwarte Peit, a infamous folklore figure heavily associated with Santa as well. In regards to the substantially smaller Lenora controversy, I personally believe it was the case of GF misinterpreting some depictions of black women from less-enlightened times, in particular those borrowing from the mammy stereotype, as something more positive than they actually were, possibly connecting them to traditional Japanese ideals of femininity and motherhood, but that’s just a wild guess, I admit. What I’m sure, however, is that while Lenora’s apron could be excused as a means to carry her archeological tools, even if I’ve never seen an actual archeologist wearing aprons to do so, her original Gym Leader Title in the Japanese version of the Gen V games, “Natural-born Mama” raises a lot of suspicion against the intent behind her design, specially since she’s not known to have children, have a particularly “motherly” personality, act as a mother figure towards any character in-game or have an occupation that could be interpreted as being akin to a mother’s role; the best I can think of is Lenora and her husband referring to each other as “mama” and “papa”, but considering other Gym Leader titles refer more to their main character features, and Lenora’s relationship with Hawes is more of side note in comparison to her role as Nacrene Museum’s director... the fact the rest of her characterization is pretty straightforward, lacking any racial elements to it, however, lends credency to the idea GF didn’t intend her to be a caricature of black women.

Nevertheless, the closeness between those depictions and real world racist depictions of minority groups is still unsettling, at least to some. And just because the author’s intention wasn’t to offend a certain group, it doesn’t mean people don’t have the right to dislike their work for that. After all, so many people hate Palkia’s design for resembling male genitalia despite that obviously not being the intention! What if they coloured Cloyster light pink instead? Would you blame people for associating it (even more) with a vagina? I’m not saying we should storm off GF’s office demanding they change Grimmsnarl’s design while accusing them of being bigots, specially since I don’t believe it’s the case at all; all Im saying is that there’s a strong point of favour of those discontent with the characters’ design, despite all claims that it’s not meant to represent something they despise. I don’t know if GF should feel impelled to change Grimmsnarl’s colouring to solely please those people, but I’m sure I’d also hate if they created, even unintentionally, a character who bore too much resemblance to a particularly negative depicition from a group I belong to, say, some Fuu Manchuu-esque Evil Team Leader or the like. If they simply made a new Pokémon with a Chinese-inspired aesthetic, even if some elements were a bit cliché, like Ludicolo is for Mexican people, I wouldn’t mind nearly as much.

And I don’t think anyone should dismiss those concerns, much less with weak arguments such as “if you see racism in that, then you’re the real bigot” like I’ve seen out there, just because they don’t grasp the ideas I exposed above. Neither do I approve the attitude of people who react with too much intensity to opposition towards their accusations or jump the gun and accuse GF of being prejudiced towards a specific group without enough evidence or incite violence of any kind towards them because of those unfortunate depictions. Remember, they come from a culture far away from our Western issues, so it’s more likely than not that they aren’t even aware of them, specially more relatively obscure elements like old Nazi propaganda. Having a British man as one of their main designers can help, but even Western people aren’t aware of all Western problems, so...

[alcttass-blog]

 Is that KYLIE JENNER?! No it’s just ALETTA ANTOUN. From our interview we have heard that the TANTALIZING is apparently a SOCIALITE AND INFLUENCER who’s been living a lavish lifestyle in LAS VEGAS with 67.1 M followers! Now that they’ve signed a contact to pricelesshqs fans will be ecstatic to see them on screen. But rumor has it they are hard to deal with as they’re FINICKY, IMPETUOUS, OBSTREPEROUS. Fortunately for us we’ve heard they’re actually EFFULGENT, COMPASSIONATE, VEHEMENT.  Let’s see how they survive our show while they arrive in the luxurious life of pricelesshqs!

hi hello !! im gianna and this is my angel love aletta !! i kind of rearranged her bio to fit so ?? if things dont make sense its my stupid ass fault asdfgh . on another note im super excited to jump into this and if you want to plot give this a heart or message me !! 

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼

full name  : aletta josephine antoun. nickname : aj, alet, letty. age : twenty one. birthday  : february sixteenth, nineteen ninety eight thus making her an aquarius. gender / pronouns : cisfemale / she and her. sexual orientation : heterosexual. romantic orientation : heteroromantic. spoken languages : english, italian, spanish. hometown  : las vegas, nevada. parents  : carmine gwyar and natalia antoun  . carmine  is  the founder of karma ( casino ) and carmine hotel , two million dollar businesses that are spread throughout not only las vegas, but the rest of the states. her mother is an retired model who happens to be an author that just published the third book to her series ‘the others’, an dystopian novel. siblings  : apollo bennett gwyar,  claudio emanuel antoun, atlas james gwyar, natasha maeve gwyar, angelo cyrus antoun, julius sebastian antoun.  goals  : to live fully. tropes  /  personality  :  the effervescent  ,  the rich party girl  ,   the globetrotter  ,  should of been business mogul , the icarian , the lover of all things beauty. 

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂

gwyar , means “gore” or “spilled blood, bloodshed” in old welsh ; a definition that runs deeper than words written on faded pages , and instead carved themselves in human flesh. the name spreads silent fear across the streets of las vegas .. entangles itself within the eyes of the locals while being drowned out by the drunken happiness of tourists . spilling blood is what the gwyar’s have done for generations , from the moment diego gwyar’s foot landed on the broken sidewalks of las vegas it was said blood washed over the city like a storm . the family , they are tied into an lifestyle that screamed of violence , drugs , but most importantly power . no matter who’s face it stared at, it always had a habit of filling your lungs and causing you to drown in it .

aletta josephine was birthed to swim in the danger , to succeed . her father’s business was her legacy , his ties were her responsibilities . she was to fall in line , to make her daddy proud . and for a while , she did . she played the part, did her part . watched from the sidelines , included herself when she had to , she did it all . aletta drowned in the sensation of having such a power that it made those around her drop to their knees and beg . at sixteen she felt holy , at eighteen she felt sick to her stomach.  

the lifestyle was a high , sent her emotions playing  a game of how far can you drop once you hit your high . she should of felt blessed , protected , privilege , mighty . but all she wanted to do was run .. her brother use to tell her, “ letty, you cant have the highs without the lows .. especially with this.” it took a long time for her to understand that the diamonds that sat on her neck , the cars that sat in her driveway , the clothes that mountain her closest came with the blood , tears , the pain. she could not be the mob bosses daughter , without the mob boss.

at seventeen , she broke away from her fathers grasp . decided to chase her passion with hope that the darkness from her father would not follow . her family should her mixed reactions , splitting into two directions ; her mother spilled of happiness. excited to think of an future for her child where she was alive , healthy , living her life the way she wanted to .. and her father ? decided that if you did not stand with the business, his choices, that you did not stand with him. he made her choose, and so she did. she jumped into the influencing industry before launching aletta beauty , a dream that turned into an empire ..

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓼

crazed oceans swimming under neath sun kissed skies , the soft smell of vanilla dancing across exposed skin , gentle nudes blending into hard oranges,  peach vodka lingering on plump lips , warm orbs drowning in dark features , acrylic nails tapping anxiously , gold jewelry sitting on long fingers ,  cursive tattoos carved into ribs , quiet cries drowning in a dark sky , thunder distracting worried minds , affectionate touches , losing yourself in others for the sensation of warmth , loud music drowning out sorrows , happiness banging on brick walls for freedom , light giggles in the dead of the night , smooth lips pressed to bare skin , fingers interlocked with another , a constant craving to be loved dipping into skin , blood dripping down like water drops, soft lips on faceless bodies, sun kissed skin becoming on with sandy beaches, bold moans in the backseat of her car, simple shaped necklaces siting between collar bones, blunts between glossy lips, tired hands editing for hours on hours, stamped passports, white toes in clear ocean waters.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂

to lurking eyes , the brunette tends to catch ditzy vibes and shallow tendencies . labels as such usually tend to hold some kind of truth, but when it comes to aletta? there’s more that meets the eye than assumptions from afar. her feet run on carelessness, blood intertwined with impulsiveness ; her wands wrap around your throat and for odd reason you cannot help but fall in love with the sensation. ebullient in human form , a crazed ocean that pulls you in. you want to lose yourself in her : her boisterous chatter in the sea of friends in an melody to your ears , and when the sun lowers and the bass of music dances in the air her giggles laced with vodka lingers. it’s said that the sound itself is intoxicating. like, for some reason, whether its her light in your lungs or her darkness around your throat, you cant let her go. she strives to be good, to be kind . but she is a child who was induced with happiness and then slowly picked at , lost innocence , witnessed monsters with human faces and so she comes to understand she will not always be good nor kind. she will be hard to read at times, hard to please. some nights, she may tell you about all the way she loves you and the next? she’ll turn away. and despite it all, she’ll still want you to be there for her in the morning. she needs meaningful bonds with others, needs to feel like if one day she disappeared people would miss her. wouldnt be able to live without her. she wants to feel important. she believes in loving yourself, being kind to yourself. and so, she tries not to drown for everyone. its a hard task though, considering she gets attached easily . she wants you , she needs you , and then she gets scared. she’s passionate, feels the world around her on a level that most do not understand. and it makes her scattered? she can ride the highs, but sometimes she has to ride the lows to. she is a lover, will give you her all. put in the time and the effort. it makes her affectionate ; affectionate touches are what she lives for. not just romantically, but platonically too. she likes to goof around, wants to fill everyone around her with light. wants to save everyone. is an hard worker, ambitious, likes having something she can put her energy into and conquer. sometimes her work ethic gets a little out of hand. but at the end of the day, she is her fathers daughter ; and it bleeds through. she an be stubborn, jealous . she can be hurtful, even selfish. but she is constantly trying to overcome it.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼

she a few of her other siblings have took her mothers last name instead, making it easier for them to stand in the media without the prying. but regardless, she is a gwyar no matter if she changes her name or not. 

she had been a daddy’s girl, from the moment she opened her eyes she was drawn to him. her mom would tease that she loved him more, and though that was never true her father was without an doubt her favorite parent.

when she parted ways, he decided that she no longer deserved the connection they once shared ; he cut her off. not financially, she was and still is gifted all of her luxuries. her part in the company still transferred into her account, she could still reach out to her mother for cash if needed. but the tenderness? the warmness? it disappeared. he refused to even look at her in her eyes.

she is highly protected , constantly has her siblings and what they call ‘bodyguards ‘checking in on her since she moved from their family house ; and even now you will see strange men whom seem like they were pulled out of the secret service drop in on her.

her eldest brother apollo, in more ways than one took on that father figure roll for aletta. being opposed to his fathers treatment, he stepped in. she has an appreciation for him that runs deep.

despite her being insanely close to apollo, aletta and her twin have a bond that no one can touch. with them, it has always been us against the world. she would die for any of her siblings, but for her twin? she’d kill for them without hesitation.

her want to live to the fullest point, has come from seeing the life being drained from others. she does not ever want to see herself in that position. so she promised herself she would never.. she’d live impulsively, foolishly, carelessly .. but regardless, she’ll live.

traveling is the one thing she knows will fill her heart, to see the world and capture all the things that it has to offer will not be an opportunity she misses. it’s why she found herself really enjoying the life of touring .

one important thing about her is that she craves meaningful bonds with others, she likes to feel like if one day she disappeared that people would miss her? would be lost without? she just wants to feel important.

she spent a lot of her summers in italy with her brother, which is why she is fond of the language.

aletta beauty is much so kylie cosmetics asdj how original ? i know.

i see her being kind of an ?? rihanna in the beauty industry and a david dobrik in the youtube ! sitting on the line of sis really did that with her beauty line and i love that bitch when it comes with being an influencer. 

despite being the youngest , her father swore she was going to be the one to take over his business  . his plan was to always allow the twins to take over . which is why it hit him so hard when she refused to.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

♡ wanted connections page ! 

and in case none of those catches your eyes, a list of generic plots !!!

♡ protective friendship, friends with benefits, close friends, old friends, distant friends, ex friends, ex friends with benefits, cousins, hardly related cousins, family friends, childhood friends, friendly competition, rivals, models who model for her line, artist she collabs with a lot, artist who have wrote a song for her, artist she has wrote for, frenemies, one night stands, summer flings, friends with lingering feelings, one sided friendships, one sided relationships, people who have used her, pr friendships, pr relationships.

[faemoria-arch]

maybe i’ll organize this into a proper headcanon post one day but just getting thoughts out here to avoid spamming @crystallos through IM :

one of the major differences between my toothiana && tooth in the movies is that  ,  being based on the books  ,  she’s actually kind of a loner  .  toothiana isn’t entirely unsociable  ,  but she is both untrusting  &&  preoccupied with A Lot™ ,  all the time  .  i fudge this a lot on my blog for the sake of actually having interactions  ,  but really i just have it in mind that interactions between tooth  &&  other characters are usually happening with weeks  ,  if not months  ,  of time between them unless there’s specific reason to think other wise  .

this goes for the other guardians too  !  in the books  ,  the other guardians aside from nightlight  (  who are present at the time  )  didn’t even know who toothiana was , let alone know that she was another guardian until she revealed her artifact  .  as far as i’m concerned  ,  toothiana had knowledge of them through her work  &&  travelings given that she seems more holistically aware of the on-goings of the world  (  including knowing of seraphina  )  ,  but simply sharing the ‘guardian of childhood’ title was not enough for her to consider them inherently worth trusting when she had just been attacked on top of everything  .

this blog does still acknowledge the major events of the movie however  ,  simply with toothiana’s personality  , abilities  ,  &&  motivations being true to my portrayal  .  i have a small list of what that entails here  ,   which covers how pitch’s plan could still remain the same in practice despite these differences  &&  such  .  rufftoon’s comics are some of my favorite pieces of world building for rotgoc  ,  but i don’t presume the specific events have happened until the person i’m writing with does . overall  ,  my toothiana’s relationship with the other guardians is probably more distant than it might be presumed based on movie canon  ,  but she respects them in a very career-like manner  .  here are some of my thoughts on toothiana’s relationship with the other major four as stands in this blog’s present time  (  as always don’t feel obligated to adhere to them if you’re writing the character involved !  )  oh also if you didn’t already know  ,  i literally ship everything in this god forsaken series  .  otps are old school  ,  this blog is here for the ot6 . jack / nightlight           to begin with  ,  tooth is far closer to jack than she ever was  ,  or would have been  ,  with nightlight  .  she does not consider them to be the same person  .  i still feel like toothiana’s brief relationship with nightlight is very important to that transformation however  .  in the books we see that it is toothiana’s influence that causes nightlight to contemplate his willingness to hurt or even kill pitch despite the understanding that he is or was ‘human’ .  i figure these are the types of things that helped spur him from being a never-aging boy made of laughter  ,  to a sprite embodying the fun && cold of winter  . jack is someone tooth feels an inherent kinship towards  .  his centre  ,  mind for mischief  &&  aloof nature may seem like it should be at odds with her more serious  &&  strict one  ,  but anybody who’s been on this blog for more than a minute knows that toothiana’s nature is hardly so binary  ,  && no one brings out the fun-loving girl of her childhood  ,  or the impishness of her faerie blood more than jack frost  . in every single verse that he is present in  , i write toothiana && jack as though they are soulmates  ,  even if it is not necessarily in a romantic sense  .  (  i wrote a little bit about how this blog handles shipping them romantically/sexually here however .  ) north            toothiana appreciates a lot of things about north but found him to be a little too overwhelming to spend regular time with after the events which required it finished unfolding  .  i like to assume he throws a pretty wild celebration for christmas each year  ,  && that she attends these for a short amount of time because  he bullied her into it  it’s important to him  ,  && they are some of the few gatherings of that manner she finds some enjoyment in  ,  but otherwise she doesn’t really go out of her way to visit him in the north pole or anything like that  .  as mentioned here  ,  she collaborated with north on a few elements of expanding punjam hy loo  ,  resulting in some interesting mix of russian architecture in some of the newer areas !  i assume that toothiana’s years  &&  nature still puts her above north in terms of swordplay  ,  but he would certainly be one of the most enjoyable people to spar with due to his own skill level  . e. aster bunnymund          though not to the same extent as jack  ,  tooth bonded with bunnymund very naturally  .  enough so that she will actually check in to see how he is a few times a year  .  she appreciates his own fondness for crafting things with his hands  ,  &&  exchanges ideas  && methods for making paints to use on the memory boxes she carves  ,  as well as sharing things from their gardens  .  the voiceless manner they support each other in tooth’s palace in the movie is something i adore  &&  definitely like to consider an element of their relationship  . sanderson mcsnoozie            sandy is probably the one toothana feels most distant from  ,  but has the most respect for  .  while she despises any effort to use age as a matter of authority  (  don’t fight the queen of memories about the concept of ‘ experience ’  )  ,  && i suspect they conflict on quite a few philosophies  ,  && also she will lose her shit if he tries to force her to sleep off her own schedule  ,  she still respects his perspicacity .  she is also forever fascinated by the prospect of the golden age  ,  && loves learning more about it from him  . toothiana  &&  sandy are the two guardians with very tangible year-long responsibilities  ,  && the nature of them seems like it would lead to them crossing paths more often than anyone else  ,  however i imagine this is usually a silent acknowledgement unless there is something important to share  .  tooth appreciates watching him work however  ,  && will try to schedule her breaks to witness his dream sand carry through the cities below her home  .

[ayafoxheart]

The Close of Merchant Marine

An old RP Post that has never made it to Tumblr. This was my concluding RP post at the end of Verad's ( @dubiousduskwight ) Merchant Marine storyline. (Original Post)

Background: 'Ace', is a Limsan Information Broker and Underworld figure, who aided Aya during the Merchant, Marine plot.  He's a childhood friend of Aya's during her brief time in Limsa Lominsa as a refugee. (here and here)  This post is he and Aya discussing the events of the plot, and their conclusion.

"Ah, good, you made it."

Aya smiled to her old friend, 'Ace' as he's now known.  She'd approached him from the right, his good side.  The recognizable smile put her at ease.

For him, the hooded woman was still a welcome sight.  Though, ostensibly, she obscured herself behind a cloak, she had a manner of revealing nearly everything else in her effort to avoid recognition. The short skirt, the thigh-high, sharply heeled boots that emphasized shapely legs.  The open bodice that invited and tempted, rather than deflected attention.  For those who knew her it was impossible to not recognize her - and maybe that was the point.

"Of course," she answered with a breathy softness.  The Ishgardian accent upon her tongue still struck him with strangeness.  When they had been friends in childhood it was an altogether different accent that graced her voice.  It still took some getting used to.

"I couldn't disappoint an old friend could I?"

He let out an amused breath of his own, a smile curling upon the good half of his face despite his best efforts to restrain his emotion.  "I didn't imagine you would."

She stepped up to the railing, stopping beside him before turning her eyes toward the inky blackness of the sea.  Gentle swells lapped against the pillars of white stone that stood firm against the battering sea.  

She casually dipped slender fingers fingers into her open bodice.  Nowhere could provide surer keeping for a valuable gift: out she drew a small, thin rectangular tin several ilms across and in one smooth gesture offered it to him.

He furrowed his brow, his one good eye focused on the unexpected, though familiar item as she held it his way. "Go on." She added, a pleased smirk drawing across her carmined lips.

With a moment’s more hesitation he reached for the proffered gift, handling it for examination. It took a moment, but the smile of recognition that he offered was exactly what she'd hoped to see.

"Well, this is certainly a fine 'thank you', isn't it?" He grinned admiringly, clicking the tin open with his fingers.  Deft fingers he drew out the paper-wrapped cylinder and quickly flicked it below his nostrils, breathing in deeply the fragrance of the smokeweed.

"The finest available. And your favorite - if I am right."  She tossed her hair, and turned her brilliant grin out to sea as if to obscure her self-satisfaction.

"The Emperor himself has no finer smoke."  Purred the Miqo'te with delight.  With the cigarette squeezed between two fingers he offered the smoke back to Aya, "I'll share, you know."  

She demurred with a gentle rise of her hand, "I have my own vices, mon ami.  This one's for you."

He laughed, sliding the tin into a coat pocket before fishing out his auto-lighter.  "Where'd you get ‘em?" He asked, with his lips pressed together.

"Escrow and Sons.  I thought to save them for just such an occasion."  Her grin, still directed out to the sea, grew ever brighter.  

"Mighty fine, mighty fine." He replied with some admiration, before lighting the smoke and drawing in.  "One hell of a 'thank you'," he repeated himself with immense gratification.  

She chuckled lightly, keeping her enigmatic gaze upon the sea.  She had a way of projecting contemplation - an expression that belied the shallow and careless persona she normally adopted.  

He took in another breath, letting it out with a sigh of fulfillment.

"What do you think?" She finally asked in a soft tone.

"Think?" He eschewed, glancing her way before lowering himself down, elbows resting on the railing against which they stood.  "Think about what?"

"All of this."  She answered softly, he had known exactly what she meant, but her lack of specificity still irked him.  "All that's happened these past few weeks.  Everything since Leeds."

He nodded, idly flicking the ashes off the end of the precious cigarette -- the amber glow disappearing into the brine below.  "Ah. That."  

There was a pause while he enjoyed a few more draws upon the cigarette.  No sound intruded upon them except the lulling sea and the muted preparations of a Maelstrom vessel docked nearby.

"Not much."  He finally answered, lips wrapped around the smoke.  "Not much at all, I think.  The entire thing could have been scripted."

"Scripted?" She turned her gaze toward him.  His good eye met hers as he offered an almost imperceptible nod. "Aye.  You know pirates: short-sighted, only after their next share of loot, and hatin' to let anyone else tell ‘em what to do. They don’t like authority, never have.  The Maelstrom's only pirates in better uniforms."  He pulled the smoke away from his lips, turning his eyes out toward the readying ship.

"Those mutineers are no different than the rest, really.  Don't like being told what to do, and filled with nostalgia for sea’s full of pillage."

"Nostalgia?" She asked with a hint of confusion - though she'd recognized the sentiment in her very first contact with the Gloam-bound privateers, she'd never heard it upon another's lips.

"Aye.  They remember how they thought it was when they were young.  Or have been told."  He waved his free hand out toward the ocean, "Before all of this.  When the sea seemed free, at least to them who didn't know better."

He grimaced, a bit, "O' course it was ne'er like that. They just don't know any better.  Thought they could ha'e it all again.  That they could find somewhere they'd never have to listen to anyone else’s orders again."

She nodded, "I suppose you're right... They'd rather face their problems their own way.  On one hand, they want to escape those who feel they can tell them what to do, on the other hand they're running from responsibilities to anyone other than themselves.  They're just looking for a place to call their own, to live life as they wish.  But that's never as easy as it sounds."

He offered her a side-long glance, "O' course, you know, 'venturers are the same as pirates, right?  They tend to chase a different booty, that's all.  They also don't see the day after tomorrow, and can't stand it when someone tell's 'em what they've got to do."

She listened. She knew better than to disagree.

"So, you put all these sorts together. Pirates seekin' booty or freedom.  Adventure's all the same. And a’ hungry Empire with its own to gain.  And what do you get?" He gestured with his hand, "Lots o' mates tellin' each other how they got to do it.  And naught of 'em listenin'.  The strongest and cleverest win, at least temporarily.  And 'ere we are again. Its the Limsan way, ever been so."  He nodded with some satisfaction. "Like one of those show-plays I hear you did, aye?"  

He turned that good eye back upon her as she listened, "So you don't think it could have gone any other way?"

"Oh, it could have gone many ways.  But it'd only have been a difference o' degrees.  Nothin's really changed. All a bunch of noise and ruckus makin' for no end.  Maybe it'd have been worse to have a Garlean island out there, but it'd be a problem for the Maelstrom more than us."

"About the Maelstrom, what about all the trouble they had? The riots, the court martials and all?  You don't think any of that's going to matter?" She asked, eyes fixed on the preparing ship.

"Well.  The Maelstrom: they were just a bunch of pirates.  They're still just a bunch of pirates.  All that's different is they're smarter than they used to be: they decide things by figurin' out who'd win the fight, rather than actually killin' each other.  Saves a lot of wasted effort and ships and makes the Admiral look like a genius."

He waved his hand, "And, yeah, tension with the Foreign Levy, right?  But here's the thing: they never really did trust the Foreign Levy.  Always a thorn in their side, just a necessary thorn.  I don't think that's changin'.  They're willin' to shame one of their own to keep the Levy happy, but that's about as far as they'll go."

"What about Captain Hellfist and the other Privateers?"

"I don't know, really.  She's just another dead pirate.  I mean, what do you want?  You tell someone pirate's get into trouble, and the Syndicate's wicked, and they're already gonna know exactly what you mean. One kill’s the other and how's this been any different?" He let out a dark laugh, "Hell, if the Captain had known what was going to happen she'd probably have done the same damn thing.  Pirates are proud like that.  And as long as the Maelstrom can keep them in line, nothin' changes.  So far, so good. Probably all the better for Limsa, in the end.  We've got more than enough problems as is."

"How did you know about the Syndicate’s involvement?" She asked with surprise.

He laughed, "You don't give me much credit, do you?  Not like its hard to figure out.  Just think about the circumstance, its obvious whose interest it was in. That pirate boy S'imba had nothin' to gain by killin’ ‘er, really.  And as we seen, he's no ally of the Maelstrom.  If anythin' I wager he was on Hellfist's side.  I'd have liked to seen the looks on his eyes when they accused 'im of killin' her!"

She focused on him with narrowed eyes.  He'd peeled the onion with surprising deftness.  She thought about delving further, but instead shifted the question again, "And what about Gloam?" she asked.

"What about it?" He repeated.  "Its a pirate haven.  There been dozens of them before.  The Maelstrom put an end to most, turned 'em into bases for their own operations when they brought the pirates to heel. This one's just a place out of time.  And it'll end jes' the same."

"Yeah?  How's that?"  She asked, unsure of exactly what he meant.

"They'll draw attention.  Bringing in even more pirates who don't like bein' told what to do.  But, in the end, there's only one way to settle things: the strongest get their way.  They'll fight, with each other, with others. Power will shift one way then another.  Finally, they'll piss someone off too much, be it Maelstrom or Garlemald, and they'll be snuffed out 'afore anyone even knows what's happenin'."

"You think they're doomed?" She asked; he felt a pang of sympathy in her blue-eyed gaze.  

"What can I say?  They don't have many options do they?  Survive raidin' eastern independents?  Even then the Empire will get tired of it eventually.  Can't raid Eorzean vessels, can't raid Garlean without invitin' another expedition.  The Empire, o'course, learns its lessons well.  This time there won't be any question o' the result."

She nodded, letting out a breath, perhaps he was right.  "Even if they don't, I wonder what we've really gained in Gloam..."

"Good question.  Places like that aren't really as nice as they sound at first.  They're only as nice as the strongest gun-arm lets them be.  That's the way with pirates, always been.  All those idealistic paeans you 'eard were just that.  They can't survive in reality.  They talk about 'freedom' as if they could find any such thing out there.  Squeezed between the Maelstrom and the Empire, with no one but the biggest guns to decide what's right.  That's no freedom, not really."

She sighed with sad admission, "I know you're right about that... " She'd never really liked pirates. She could respect many of their desires, their valor, and bravery. But at the end of the day, they were people who survived through pure violence.  Violence against each other, and violence to prey upon those weaker than them.  Its why she'd chosen not to live among them.

"The damned thing is that they've already forgotten the lessons Limsa Lominsa learned the hard way." He added with the flick of the diminishing cigarette, "The Maelstrom didn't come out of nowhere.  Its an adaption to changing times.  The old ways are dead for a reason, and there ain't no revivin' 'em.  A bunch of besotted pirates can't fight against reality, can't fight and win, at least."

She sighed, hanging her head momentarily.  "I know... I'd always wondered what their end game was.  I was sure they'd never give up their Garlean protection, where can they go now?  It is hopeless isn't  it..."

He nodded.  Its obvious she'd cared about the cause - or, perhaps, not so much the cause, as those who had fought for it.  "That's just the damned thing isn't it.  To 'ave any real sense of freedom, they'd have had to give it all up.  Lose-lose.  Better to die trying, which I guess is what ol' Slaeglac did in the end.  Just went better than he'd expected."  He bit his good lip for a moment while looking for a way to change her depressed tone, "Still, it was somethin' at least to beat a Garlean squadron.  They'll be lickin' their wounds for a while."

"Of course..." She nodded very slightly, lowering her gaze.  "The trouble is that it means the Empire won't underestimate the Maelstrom next time."

"O' course," he nodded in agreement.  "That's truth, and I'm sure you know what it means." She nodded in agreement before he continued, "We've given away the element of surprise in exchange for respite, for a near-worthless little island.  Not perhaps the best play for the Maelstrom"

"Its not worthless to those there, at least..." she countered, thinking of the Osric, Leanne, and others who'd rallied to the cause of those on the island.  "And in the end, they did stand up to the Empire."

"Truth again.  And in full honesty, it ain't exactly worthless, except when lookin' at it from the Admiral's perspective.  Someone out there's makin' a pretty penny off it, no doubt.  Its gonna be a growin' concern for some time.  And whoever's makin' the pennies is a clever one, I'd wager. He's not puttin' many back into it."

He nodded to himself, "There's your real winner, if you were lookin' for one."

She just watched the sea.  "No doubt..."  she stated in a distant, soft voice, while her mind wandered to Edda and her father.  

"O' course there are other winners. In Limsa, no one's goin' to remember a riot a week later.  But, reputations 'ave a way of stickin'. And more than a few 'ave been made and lost 'ere.  Slaeglac's name is near legend, can't say how long that will last, but that's a man who won't have to pay for his own rum for a while.  Seems there are a few other Officers who've earned themselves promotion too.  That Holkstymm, for example.  Word is he's gonna found some new Maelstrom judicial branch, or somethin'.  I don't know if I care for that, pirates is still pirates in the end."

"And, a few others have lost theirs, I doubt its necessary for me ta mention the names, but they're out there on the streets."

She knew just who he meant. Her thoughts wandered to Anstarra, Yheli, and others. For some it wasn't so much that they'd lose their standing with the Maelstrom, as the Maelstrom had lost its standing with them. Zanzan, Khunbish - and no doubt more who would never look upon their membership in the Levy quite the same way, if they did not resign it completely.

"Those are the sorts of things that stick with us - effect the future in ways no one can know yet.  That'll wind up mattering more than Gloam, I'm sure."

She looked at him, curious, if unconvinced.  

"And, o' course..." he turned to her, a direct gaze she couldn't help but return, "There are a couple of sailors alive who wouldn't have been otherwise.  That's somethin', aye?"

A smile played over her lips, she could see the old friend she remembered - in there somewhere beneath that cynical crust of an exterior.

"It is..." she readily agreed, thankful to think of something more positive.

"Savin' those that didn't have to die.  That's something to take home with you and put in your pipe for a good smoke."  He turned back to the sea, nodding.  "Maybe it'll mean even more someday.  Depends what the lads do now, I wager."

"We can hope."

"Aye... if hope's worth having'."  He seemed unconvinced, and paused for a moment as he enjoyed the quickly dwindling cigarette.  

"That reminds me, there's also a certain Miqo'te privateer that made fool of himself several times over. He and that mate of his, 'Troublemaker', 'Problemsolver', whatever it is."  He flicked his eyes toward her with a hint of accusation, as if he knew of her friendship with S'imba and Osric, and her time on the Sultana's Revenge.

She turned her eyes back toward him.  "That's somethin' likely to stick for a while too.  More bad, than good, for him I'd wager."

"Speakin' o' the 'Revenge'," he started, "I heard a strange rumor.  The crew's sayin' they had some sort of blonde goddess aboard out at Gloam."  He offered a brief glance her way, as he knocked the ash off his nearly finished smoke.  "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

She turned to him, lips slightly parted as she avoided a straight answer.  He flicked the bud of his cigarette into the briny deep.

"That's what I thought." He stated with a laugh while pushing back from the railing.  Turning to walk away he waved an empty hand back to her, "I'd stay far away from Gloam if I were you.  There aren't enough real goddesses to go around, as is."

She sighed.  That was that then...

[rennyji]

July 20th tweets...

July 20th tweets...

---

“Aaryan” is another one of those Mohanlal movies from the place of my background. I saw this late in life, and during the phenomena, several times, I would mention to my mother, and especially father, about the parallels. In the movie, Mohanlal’s character is a devout Hindu Brahmin from a respected family. He’s happy with his life and has a girlfriend, in a woman he’s known since childhood. Men not respecting societal roles and in greed for money and power, wrongfully set up the family in a crime of their planning. Mohanlals character loses his family to death and humiliation, as well as his home, and his girl friend also, in the actress, Shobhana. He flees to Mumbai, where he follows a very earthly path centered on money and attaining that money through jobs, where his philosophy is “Ill do anything for money.” He sinks himself in alcohol and the company of gangsters and joins them. Once obtaining enough money, he avenges the wrong doers against his family and seeks to restore his family’s lifestyle and “way of living.”

I guess I remember that movie because he was minding his own business, when people rooted in jealousy and greed, wanted to steal that from him. And me, after more than a decade of “lightly and carefully portrayed to the public” abuse, I can’t help but think, wasn’t I minding my own business?

For my sectionalistic brethrens who identify through the body parts, rather than the overall body that is the country, as you forgot about order, structure, unity, brought about through ancient Hinduism, for a visual example: think the movie, “Koyla.” Shah Rukh Khans character get turned into a mute and a servant by the people who killed his parents, from greed, for stumbling on their fortune of diamonds in this life. To save Madhuri Dhixits character, and to restore his dignity, he takes revenge on those who took decades of his life. I guess what I’m getting at is, from Koyla, you can see just how evil some men truly are. Even in real life, some people will take decades from your life. Before killing you, they’ll turn you into the court jester for their people and they may even shock your brains 20 times to make you more numb and compatible for mind control/mind reading.

---

In Mark 4:33-34

33 “With many such parables he spoke ithe word to them, as they were able to hear it. 34 He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything.So Christ talked to everyone in parables, and said, let those with ears hear. However he discussed the parables with his disciples, in private, elaborating on their meaning.Here I am, in the present day, a nobody, trying to elaborate on meanings and about living a life with meaning. But my own mother, instead of listening intently, will talk about toilets or do something involving uncleanliness, when I talk to her about things of God. My father prays and prays (though mechanically, without heart, without understanding meaning), and yet he fails to see and respect my seriousness in willful words and actions, based on faith. He’s so busy talking about defending what he as a father does, he fails to see that I’m enduring this, simply because of the hand of God carrying me, when the infidel tries to figuratively break my legs.I can see why Christ elaborated on heavenly things with just his disciples. Other people wouldn’t give it the respect it deserves (through talking about random things like toilets or whatever) or would let it fly over their heads as something nice sounding and tantalizing.

---

Orchestrator government group 1 tries to piss me off to say things or write things about them, so that the child like voices rooted in perhaps the party school I attended (for completion of my undergraduate) makes it about them or me randomly addressing people who aren’t direct with me.

---

I dunno I think I’m being led to think that I’m not seeing “this situation” in the way it’s projected to others…ok guys, lemme walk with you on this, let’s take a deep breath and digest the fact that this has been going on for more than a decade- I mean that alone, if nothing else, is horrendous…so am I disillusioned?

---

So I keep telling you guys to refrain from taking part in this, and to only help me by talking directly to me- especially about the situation. I tell you take a load off and just be natural in your interactions without hiding that this happened/is happening.

Yet, for one thing, some of you may try to assist me on the road under one or more things that you have been led to see me through- that goes back to my talk about mental filters…

If something tells you guys that I’m about to change a lane unnaturally, it results in the following:

The guy in front of me will abruptly slow down, while I’m checking my mirrors to the other lane, leaving me to still drive forward, while the guy in front of me is instructed to slow down. Kinda malicious of the orchestrators, don’t you think? Two cars risk colliding…

But then sometimes, I notice cars in the other lanes, accelerate, as I’m about to change lanes, while others leave significant space.

Please just follow the rules of the road and stop relying on external knowledge when making your decisions on the road.

Some of you may be instructed to smile a particular way (smiling is great if it’s not rooted in an instruction), frown a particular way, nod to me from the corner of my eye…see, think about it from my perspective. I have mind cr*p- to be very very very general- to deal with all day. When you have too many programs open on your computer, doesn’t it freeze or become unresponsive? Whether by design or carelessness, despite my effort to get you to be direct with me, these indirect things to make me think one thing or the other, are meant to overload my brain-the orchestrators just give me stuff to pick up on, where I have no idea what’s it’s about. I may have written something before that frown or whatever. Is that supposed to make me think ur unhappy with me for you allegedly eavesdropping into my life and making things about you, the stranger,  when you don’t even follow me on Twitter or Facebook?

---

I heard the following: DMX- Party Up- from the lyrics,

So whatever it is you puffin' on that got you think that you Superman (doing this for a decade)

I got the Kryptonite, should I smack him with my dick and the mic?

Y'all niggas is characters, not even good actors (ur a bunch of cocky arrogant losers)

What's gon' be the outcome? Hmm, let's add up all the factors

I keep saying there’s two sides to every coin. But you like to tip that scale. Always remember how much of an a*shole he is, more than any crazy, for starters, to put such statements/sentences out in public- that too when the world is monitoring every aspect of me…I mean I could be giving the police or some legal case against me, a ball for their courts through my recorded words and written statements- so in response, I’m in a rap mood:

Eminem says

Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe

I'm tired of all you, I don't mean to be mean

But that's all I can be, it's just me

I realize these guys(artists)all deal with stupid people like the orchestrators while the larger audience of the world “say oh that’s mean” without context (what was preceding, what was said and done, and what occurred after)

At the end of this, either the orchestrators or me, will be progressing forward in in peace and happiness. Im making that clear, I’m throwing in all my cards, because no matter how numb you make me, my hate accumulating over a decade will find its nourishment. So Have fun, f*ers…

and to the larger audience, lemme guess “oh no he’s mad…what happened…awww” yeah ummm thanks for never talking to me, but thanks for the sentiment too.

Contrary to how I’ve been living for more than a decade, word of advice to the world: “Show the other cheek, talk out your problems, write 300 pages with variations of the idea of returning to normalcy in one chapter in life in an official police complaint, endure a decade, and hope for a solution- this can only be done for so long, and a decade? F* that sh*t. Orchestrators? F* ur wives, husbands , and Kids..

hey guys, when someone is giving YOU a hard time, please be like me and Let them shock your brain 20 times too, for talking about the hard time, so that you can show that you have no decency and are willing to bend over for them, for the sake of “compliancy.”  Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen(wtf does ur Stars and Stripes flag stand for? The red and white ropes they bind you down with in life? Are the 50?!stars on ur flag about ninja stars you throw at ur country’s victims? Maybe the 50 is about, how they’ll screw you 50 times over for minding ur own business i.e always remember: nice guys finish last…maybe the red is about how the country likes to make you bleed/watch you bleed/and entertain others on how you bleed while you try to stand strong)…but where was I? Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen want come in 4 SUVs and make you walk barefoot, for talking about “the situation” ur not supposed to know about daily, be mindful, you will be on the list, when I gain back my authority. Bear in mind the respect enforced, actually needs to be earned through effort and not by a rough voice or tough exterior.

Peepz , when law enforcement engages in a circus, makes remorseful random faces fo you while, get this: simultaneously, engaging in madness, when the FBI engages in silence to make you America’s prostitute of a servant of a hero/icon,

please,

never follow my example.

If any of you get out into a fraction of my problem, don’t waste your health, ur dignity. At times, fists and kicks are the only answer. I went about my life reporting things to authorities, dreaming about best friending a girl in college and marrying her…the works…-if respect can’t be earned or given because some infidel playing or being a false god commands it, “seize respect. “

You can’t waste time on some superficial high ideal high minded losers.

So I keep talking about mental exhaustion…you still actually do the same things, over and over…- so I’m supposed to fall. What’s the matter orchestrators? Could t f*me in the a*s while standing strong? You need me to collapse or be on a stretcher? Would a tempur pedic be ok when you stop most likely molesting ur kids? F*ers…

—-

So I was listening to “Sam’s Gone” from “I Am Legend,”

And I remembered the powerful end scene from I Am Legend…listen and watch 37 seconds into this clip till the end:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7LsxKkh0zg

Starting from 37 seconds, Will Smiths character says “They’re not gonna stop…they’re not gonna stop…” those coincidentally white horrific mutations of humans, in their mindlessness, their aggression, their lack of heart and compassion, remind me of the police officers who made me walk barefoot, it reminds of some party school professors, it reminds of the orchestrators rooted in the mind cr*p - after a decade, I’ve come to acceptance that “they’re not gonna stop.”

For 10+ years of slavery, further indignified by turning me into a joke,

That moment where Will Smiths character and the mutated man (symbolizing an American orchestrator) race to battle towards each other - man…after a decade plus of provoking me, literally 24/7…when we’re finally face to face, I want to see what he/she has the balls to do. De palabra de espanol: “Ver”, ”, mi gentes, “Ustedes Ven la  cara de el Diablo blanco.”

Regarding that moment, when the orchestrators and me race toward each other, win/lose, it’ll be like this from 300:

ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOLpIkoS0QY

You, orchestrators may have the big guns, may have humanity following ur instructions, but like many before me, it’ll be like these two segments from the below 300 movie clip: 1:02- 1:50, 2:12-2:57

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qubItQjdSHA

In a deep state of mind to what transpired years ago, I said that I will get justice. Am I’m saying it again. You, the American orchestrators, turn mankind into one team in conviction and practice against me, you’ll torment me for a decade plus…maybe even destroy me after humiliating me-as is American military style.

Just know this: I, an Indian man, fated to suffer this “situation” in your country, will come back lifetime after lifetime, to finish what you started with me in this epoch of time, where you seek to conquer the Kingdom of God, that resides in every conscious mind wanting peace.

Orchestrators,ur quite welcome to see me as that cockroach who just won’t die or stay dead.

---

[araeph]

I think Sokka's quest for identity is one of the most interesting things about him. What it means to be a man, to be useful and to be acknowledged is an interesting central conflict for a supporting character. What do you think S3 Sokka believes it takes to be a man. I think he's learnt to intercede and mediate issues in his family and to make tough choices. What else can you think of?

Sokka: Now men,it’s important that you show no fear when you face a firebender. In the WaterTribe, we fight to the last man standing. For without courage, how can we callourselves men?

Anotherexcellent question! Sokka’s quest for identity is intrinsically linked to hisquest for manliness, because if you’ll recall, Sokka was not able to become aman by Water Tribe custom before he was nominally put in charge of the tribe:

Bato: How aboutyou, Sokka? You must have some good stories from your first time ice-dodging?Katara: He never got to go. Dad left before he was old enough.Bato: Oh, I forgot, you were too young.Aang: What’s ice-dodging?Bato: It’s a rite of passage for young water tribe members.

But while Katara was helping with the chores, keeping her familytogether and helping to deliver babies, Sokka was left adrift, without apaternal example to emulate for two of his teenage years. War never came to hisdoorstep, so he resorts to “training” the kindergarten crowd. And notice thatKatara (and likely the other members of his tribe) don’t take this seriously:

Katara: Ugh, I’membarrassed to be related to you! Ever since Mom died I’ve been doing all thework around camp while you’ve been off playing soldier!

Playing soldier.Katara’s right: that’s exactly what Sokka has been doing, because therigid gender expectations of being a man don’t allow him to do anything else.Once Aang arrives and upends Sokka’s world, his identity as a would-be mancollides with the reality of the war and the people around him.

The Four Partsof Being a Man (by Sokka)

1. Leader

Sokka : Iknow you all want to fly, but my instincts tell me we should play it safe thistime and walk.Katara: Who made you the boss?Sokka: I’m not the boss—I’m the leader.Katara : You’re the leader? But your voice still cracks!Sokka: I’m the oldest and I’m a warrior. So…I’m the leader!

Katara: You’rehurt. Badly. You can’t fight anymore. Hakoda: Everyone’s counting on me to lead this mission, Katara. Iwon’t let them down.  Sokka: Can’t you heal him any faster? Katara: I’m doing everything I can. Sokka: I’ll do it.Katara: No offense Sokka but you’re not exactly Mr. Healing Hands.Sokka: No.  I’ll lead the invasion force. Katara: Don’t be crazy, Sokka.Sokka: Maybe I am a little crazy but the eclipse is about to start andwe need to be up that volcano by the time it does.Hakoda:  You can do this. I’m proud of you, son. Katara: I still think you’re crazy but I’m proud of you too. 

Sokka’s father is the chief, so it makes sense that being a man impliesbeing a leader. But before his adventure, Sokka has only a nebulous idea ofwhat that really means. Worse, he seems to think that being a man makes him aleader, instead of being a leader making him a man. When he first tries toassert his authority in “Jet”, he is met with ridicule:

Aang: Walking stinks!How do people go anywhere without a flying bison?Katara: I don’t know Aang. Why don’t you ask Sokka’s instincts—theyseem to know everything.Sokka: Ha ha. Very funny.Aang: I’m tired of carrying this pack.Katara: You know who you should ask to carry it for a while?Sokka’s Instincts!Aang: That’s a great idea! Hey, Sokka’s Instincts, would you mind—Sokka: Okay, okay—I get it.

As so often happens, Sokka has to adapt to the situation. “Jet” is abouta boy who, although a good leader in most senses, leads his team astray intomurder and mayhem. Sokka, even though he is a novice, realizes innocent livesare on the line and warns the townspeople before the dam explodes. He didn’texpect to be a leader at the moment, but he didn’t fail when it really mattered.Throughout the series, his tactical and strategic successes accumulate untilthe entire GAang relies on him to plan their missions. And on “The Day of BlackSun”, despite his fumbling speech beforehand, Sokka takes the reins of themission and performs admirably.

Aang: It’s over.The Fire Lord is probably long gone. Far away on some remote island where he’llbe safe during the eclipse.Sokka: No. My instincts tell me he wouldn’t go too far. He would have asecret bunker. Somewhere he could go so it’ll be safe during a siege but stillbe close enough to lead his nation.Toph: If it’s an underground secret bunker we’re looking for, I’m justthe girl to find it. 

No one’s laughing at Sokka’s instinctsnow.

2. Protector

Katara :Sokka, you’re making a mistake. Sokka: No! I’m keeping my promise to Dad. I’m protecting you fromthreats like him! 

Illusion Yue: You didn’t protect me.

Sokka’smother was murdered when he was very young, and there was nothing he could doabout it. He knows from how devastated his father was and how driven he becameto help the war effort that being a man must mean protecting people—especially the women in your life. Sokkaprotects Katara on multiple occasions from threats real (Jet, Mai) and imagined(Aang, Appa). Protecting Katara is his way of protecting the mother he couldn’tsave as a boy. And his inability to protect Yue from sacrificing herself cutshim deeply. He overcompensates by trying to shield Suki from everything:

Suki:  Look,I know you’re just trying to help, but I can take care of myself. Sokka: I know you can. Suki: Then why are you acting so over protective?Sokka: It’s so hard to lose someone you care about.  Somethinghappened at the North Pole, and I couldn’t protect someone. I don’t wantanything like that to ever happen again.

In the end,Sokka learns how to be protect the people he cares about without stifling them.His shielding of Toph in the finale is very similar to his protecting Katara inthe pilot:

But there’sone key difference: in the pilot, Sokka thought of Katara as someone who ismore in need of protection as a girl. In the finale, Sokka recognizes that Tophcan’t see the falling shards of metal, but respects her fighting ability overand over:

Sokka: Did Imention how sweet it was that you invented metalbending?

Sokka: I am soglad we added you to the group!

3. Warrior

Even morethan being a leader, being a warrior defines being a man in the Water Tribe.And no wonder; with decades of being raided by the ruthless Fire Nation, andwaterbenders being increasingly scarce, the South would have had to rely moreand more on brute strength to drive off the invaders. A warrior is also the onething Sokka is most insecure about because it implies a certain skillset thathe was too young to receive full training in. Not to mention, his sister is awaterbender and he is not. Witness this exchange from “The Warriors of Kyoshi”:

Sokka:  Whoare you? Where are the men who ambushed us? Suki:  There were no men. We ambushed you. Nowtell us, who are you and what are you doing here? Sokka:  Wait a second, there’s no way that a bunch of girls took usdown. 

Althoughgender roles are fairly rigid in the Southern Water Tribe, the Sokka from thevery beginning of the series feels an especially constant need to reinforce being awarrior as a “manly” pursuit and puts Katara down for being a girl. I am remindedof Iroh’s speech to Zuko:

Iroh: Prince Zuko,pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.

Iroh: Truehumility is the only antidote to shame.

Sokka’s status as a nonbender is oftena source of shame for him. He is treated differently by bending masters:

Master Pakku: Sokka. Take care, son. 

And even his own teammates:

Toph: We can take‘em. Three on three.Sokka: Actually, Toph, there’s four of us.Toph: Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t count you. You know, no bending and all.Sokka:  I can still fight!Toph: Okay. Three on three plus Sokka.

This leads him to act proud of hismanliness, an attribute that he needs no training or bending to have. He eventries to get Aang to act “manlier” and not answer to “Twinkletoes”. In the end,though, he confesses the truth about how he feels:

Sokka: Look, Iappreciate the effort, but the fact is each of you is so amazingand so special, and I’m not. I’m just the guy in the groupwho’s regular. 

But Sokka isspecial, and as the series goes on, he proves his mettle with a balance ofoutlandish inventiveness and logical practicality:

Sokka: See, theproblem with the old war balloon was you could get it airborne, but once youdid, it just kept going.  You could put a hole in the top, but then allthe hot air would escape. So the question became, how do you keep a lid on hotair? Katara: Ugh, if only we knew. Sokka: A lid is actually the answer. If you control the hot air, youcontrol the war balloon.  Katara: Hmm. That’s actually pretty smart. 

Sokka: I need a plan of this machine. Some schematics that showwhat the inside looks like. Then we can find it’s weak points. Aang: Where are we gonna get something like that What are youdoing! Someone’s gonna hear us! Sokka:  That’s the point. I figure a machine this big needsengineers to run it, and when something breaks…Katara: They come to fix it. 

He overcomes his insecurities as a warrior by being true to himself.

Piandao: Sokka,when you first arrived, you were so unsure. You even seemed down on yourself.But I saw something in you right away. I saw a heart as strong as a lionturtle, and twice as big. And as we trained, it wasn’t your skills thatimpressed me.  No, it certainly wasn’t your skills.  You showedsomething beyond that.  Creativity, versatility, intelligence… these arethe traits that define a great swordsman. And these are the traits that defineyou.  You told me you didn’t know if you were worthy, but I believe thatyou are more worthy than any man I have ever trained. 

4. Father

Sokka can show how brave he is, how creativehe is, and how much of a leader he’s become. But in the end, he measures hisidentity as a man by his father’s example:

Aang:Sokka, that speech wasn’t your moment of truth. That was just publicspeaking and nobody’s really good at that.Sokka: My Dad is. He explained the plan perfectly and inspired everyone.Like a real leader should. Aang: Look, your moment of truth isn’t going to be in front of some map.It’s going to be out there, on the battlefield. 

Unlike with Zuko, Sokka’s confidence in hisfather is fully justified. As he grows and matures, he becomes, not a copy ofhis father, but his own person. He learns that he can be a warrior withoutputting others down, and he can assert authority without being pigheaded. Hecan trust in his own abilities, regardless of how skilled everyone else isaround him. And Hakoda validates Sokka’s identity in every respect.

As a protector:

Hakoda: Sokka…Sokka: I’m coming with you.Hakoda: You’re not old enough to go to war, Sokka, you know that.Sokka: I’m strong! I’m brave! I can fight! Please, Dad!Hakoda: Being a man is knowingwhere you’re needed the most, and for you right now that’s here protecting yoursister.Sokka: I don’t understand.Hakoda: Someday you will. I’m going to miss you so much.

As a warrior:

Hakoda: Ready togo knock some Fire Nation heads?Sokka:  You don’t know how much this means to me dad. I’ll make youproud, and I’ll finally prove to you what a great warrior I am.Hakoda:  Sokka, you don’t have to prove anything to me.  I’m already proud of you, and I’ve alwaysknown you were a great warrior.Sokka: Really?Hakoda: Why do you think I trusted you to look after our tribe when Ileft?

As a leader:

Sokka:No. I’ll lead the invasion force. Katara: Don’t be crazy, Sokka.Sokka: Maybe I am a little crazy but the eclipse is about to start andwe need to be up that volcano by the time it does.Hakoda:  You can do this.I’m proud of you, son. 

And as a man.

Hakoda: Bato, getthese mines loaded up. The rest of you men, prepare for battle!  Sokka: Uh, what should I do, Dad?Hakoda: Aren’t you listening? I said the rest of you men get ready for battle.

Sokka willbe a fantastic father to his own children someday, no matter what LOK might imply.

[the44thpilot]

Spark Plug, Intro 2

So this is the second intro I wrote, this time from Eva’s point of view. You get way more personality from her in this one, and this is where I figured out I wanted to write from her perspective. Im proud of this intro, but if I do end up putting it in an actual fic, I’ll have to do a lot of tweaking for plot reasons. Enjoy!

Word count: 1535

———-

A single fluorescent light flickered overhead, straining Eva’s eyes. She wanted to look away, but the restraints around her jaw and neck prevented her from doing much more than closing her eyes. Her chest heaved against the wide leather straps stretching across her, pinning her to the cot she lay on. Figures shifted and murmured in the shadows around her, never clear enough for her to make out a face; it was just an ether of white coats and bored voices.

A whirring off to her left made her jump, and her already bloody and raw wrists jostled against the ties around them, making her wince. She knew what that mechanical sound meant- at this point, it was a Pavlovian response for her heart to start trying to pound its way out of her chest. Panic washed over her, and despite herself, a whimper escaped her lips before she could choke it back.

A heart monitor kept time with her palpitations, and the noise along with the whirring echoed around inside Eva’s head, reverberating until they became her only reality. Her eyes locked on the mechanism rotating into view and lowering toward her face, cracking with electricity.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. The machine lowered closer to her. The restraints would barely let her catch her breath. It lowered closer. Closer. Her skin tingled, so close to the machine now

“Eva, are you listening?“

Eva blinked, bringing her attention back to the man behind the large mahogany desk in front of her. “Um, sorry. What were you saying?”

Professor Xavier sighed through his nose, his eyes closed. “Lost in thought again, I take it?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

The professor cocked an eyebrow. “Was it a memory?”

“I dunno…” Eva trailed off, averting her gaze to the floor. “I mean it felt like one, but…” She couldn’t find the words to describe it; it had felt different somehow, like it meant something more. Something about it felt more urgent, more important.

“Hm,” the professor purses his lips, but let the subject drop. “All that aside, we still have something important to discuss. Are you aware of why I called you to my office?”

Eva shrugged, the studs on her jacket softly scraping against the leather chair she sat in. “You don’t see enough of my mug during the school day?” she smirked.

“Amusing, but no.” He flipped open a Manila folder sitting on his desk. “According to this file, you have been absent from multiple classes a multitude of times. Care to explain?”

"Sure. They’re boring and I didn’t want to go.”

"Yes, you said as much in your emails to your professors. Among other comments which weren’t quite so, er,” he paused, “civil. I seem to recall you referring to one of them as, ‘a hunched-over, wizened shell of a man who’s only sustenance comes from the suffering and undue punishment of his students’. Quite colorful. What warranted that, I wonder?”

"He was being a dick about me turning in something late,” Eva grumbled, defensive.

"Ah. So you decided to wait until after the due date to turn in an assignment, then-”

"No, it wasn’t like that!” She protested. “I had- there were some extenuating circumstances-”

"Such as?”

Eva gaped like a fish, her stubborn pride and indigence melting away. She stared at the ground. “March.”

A knowing look crossed Professor Xavier’s face, and he nodded. “I do recall that, yes. March has always been a particularly bad month for you, I understand?”

Eva nodded, not looking up from the spot of floor she stared at. “Yeah. Not sure why,” she answered, her voice soft. Any bravado she had entered Xavier’s office with had dissipated.

"Well, that is what we hoped to find out by having you attend classes here. However,” Xavier nudged his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose as he looked down at the file again. “While we haven’t seen your condition worsen, it certainly hasn’t improved.”

"I’ve been trying,” Eva replied, defeated. “I have. Nothing’s been working, not the classes, not- not therapy-”

"I know, I know you’ve been putting in an effort,” Xavier offered. “I know it can’t be easy for you here. I failed to predict the impact of what being forced to interact with so many people has had on you. That was my failure, and I apologize.”

Eva looked directly at him, her eyes wide. This was it. He was kicking her out.

"Professor, please,” she pleaded, rising from her chair and stepping toward the desk. “Please, don’t expel me.” Her lip quivered, and she had to swallow the sob rising in her throat. “I can’t- I don’t have anywhere to go, and I- I can’t risk- please don’t kick me out professor, I’ll try harder, I promise!”

"Eva, Eva!” The professor lifted a hand toward her, shaking his head. He waited for her to seat herself. “I’m not expelling you.”

"You’re… not?”

"No,” he smiled. “No, I’m doing something quite different. Think of it more like a, ah, transfer.”

"Transfer?”

"Exactly.” He leaned forward in his chair. “See, I have a few contacts within Manhattan, and they’ve recently begun taking in new- well, I suppose you would call them recruits. They hesitate to call it a mentorship, but it works in a similar manner. They’ve had some promising results so far, and I think you would benefit from-”

"You’re dumping me with them.” Eva’s brow furrowed, anger bristling in her chest. “You’re giving up on me. That’s what this is.”

"Eva, please-”

"No, save it!” She snapped, jumping to her feet once again. “I get it. You can’t handle me, because nobody can handle me. Hell, I can’t even handle myself! I’m just a freak among freaks, I fly off the handle at any second! I’m too dangerous, I can’t control myself, so you’re giving up on me, dumping me on someone else, who’ll ship me off the second they figure out I’m a fucking time-bomb-”

"Eva, enough!”

Eva cut her tirade short, startled by the professor’s command. It was rare to see him show much emotion at all- the result was jarring. She blinked, stepping backward to sit in the chair. However, before she could, her sneaker crushed a piece of broken glass behind her. Catching her breath, Eva looked up and cringed at the shattered light fixture above her. She hadn’t even heard it break.

"Eva, I’m not abandoning you,” the professor told her, his voice tender. “I honestly believe a more individualized course of study will be much more beneficial for you.”

"I know,” she replied, sheepish. “I know, I’m sorry. I just- how do you know this will work?”

"I can’t be sure,” he admitted. “But I would be failing you as your instructor if I didn’t try.”

Eva nodded, then bent to pick up the larger shards of glass from the floor. “So how does this mentor thing work?”

"More details will be given to you once you arrive at their location at the end of the week. Travel arrangements have already been made. Take this week to gather your luggage and say your goodbyes to whomever you need to.”

"Don’t need a whole week for that,” Eva muttered, dumping the glass shards in a waste bin near the desk. She wasn’t one to make friends, and the belongings she had brought with her to the school were sparse enough to fit in two, maybe three cardboard boxes.

Xavier was nonplussed. “Even so, it’s likely this will be one of the last few times you see this campus,” he closed the file on his desk and wheeled himself toward the office door. He offered a surprisingly impish smile for someone so stern. “That is unless you decide to come back and teach.”

"Hah. If you think I’m bad with authority, you should see me with kids.”

Xavier chuckled. “You would know better than I would, I suppose. If I forgot to mention, you are excused from your classes for the rest of the afternoon and until your departure.”

Eva tilted her head, puzzled. “Any chance I can get a little more info on who I’m gonna be staying with?”

"I do happen to have their files, thanks to a contact of mine. However, these may interest you a bit more than those.”

Xavier wheeled over to a locked cabinet and pulled a few newspapers from the drawer, plopping them on his desk. Eva leaned over the first headline, her brow knitting together.

CAPTAIN AMERICA BACK FROM THE DEAD

STARK GONE MAD? MULTI-BILLIONAIRE CLAIMS, “I AM IRON MAN”

NEW YORK ATTACKED! AVENGERS BATTLE SPACE INVADERS

Holy shit . Eva looked up to meet the Professor’s wry gaze.

"Good afternoon, Eva,” he said, opening the office door for her. “Feel free to keep those.”

[rennyji]

family, friends, enemies, the be natural thing, normal tweets

Its June already...another month in "the situation"...June 1st tweets...

You know, with the exception of one or two cousins, most of my family, maybe because of “the situation”?! Is more loyal (for lack of a better word) to my parents, than me. Such is my revelation over the last 11 years. One cousin I lived close to, in India for a while, -

-he’s around my age, and should be a brother I can tell secrets to, or “hooks me up.”Otherwise, he’s a very sincere/caring individual who is a real asset to our family. “Hook up” as in connect me -

- with my kind of women from his multicultural work establishment at TechnoPark or take me to a “todi shop” , where you get special kind of alcohol and spiced beef in this part of India, so that I can get different taste of life, make a memory, and have life experience. -

-He’s attending to my parents desire of keeping me as an individual who prays all day who needs to talk to someone, when that’s one side or nonexistent side to a guy who’s image is facing life’s obstacles in a leather jacket. -

-At this age and in my freakin’ 20’s, he chooses to be like a parent or uncle worried about what my parents think, or doing what my parents want for me, instead of thinking of what I as an individual need. All instead of being a brother or friend, understanding of me. -

-I think he’d try to talk to me or ask me questions to get information for my parents and this undignified “thing” of a situation-very brotherly.-

-On a different note, I mean, he spends a lot of time knowing his kids, but my parents, no offense to them, don’t listen to me when I speak because they’re in a rush to speak or defend, and they don’t know my likes/interests/hobbies.-

-Until recently, my mother didn’t know my favorite color. She’s stubborn to the point where she won’t try to learn either. They may have recently found out about such things like likes/interests/hobbies through the eavesdropping/stalking situation. -

-I mean, for the sake of a point, while in my very early 30s, it’s only now that I even shared with my mom, and not my dad, that I had two girl friends while in college. Some things like that, you cannot share with Indian parents until things get serious -

-and you want to move to the next chapter/adventure. I love my mom and dad, and would die for them and care for them in old age, but they don’t know much about me. My memories of my mom, for instance, are of her cooking, cleaning, buying me clothes,-

-taking me to doctor appointments when sick, and used to paying tuition, and a lot of yelling - ACTUAL BIG THINGS but nothing that requires a heart, it’s a parents duty. I tried telling her that, but no patience. She’s too busy taking it as an insult. -

-When Ive had any kind of problem in life outside of getting me a tutor for school or whatever when struggling, I’ve been on my own. Never helped me with a problem. It’s culturally not allowed to talk to her about problems with a girl friend, fears you may be struggling with,-

-or the cherry on top: talking about “this situation” and its origins. It’s a hard sad d**che bag thing to say, but if I manage to get my own maid, there wouldn’t be much to reminisce over my mom. -

-My dad is too busy philosophizing about family ideals &preaching. I mean he couldn’t dream of making the religious points I do, or no offense, pray “heart fueled” prayers in the mind over “out-loud” mechanical singing/praying out of thinking that makes him a solid human being. -

-Both my parents need to listen more and talk less. When I share something I like or about myself with my mom, she’ll be like, why are you telling me or will hammer @ something while I’m talking, literally. I mean I tried correcting things with my mom by talking to her about it,-

-but you never get through, although forgivable on both sides as and when needed. On a side note, quality of life in India is understood as how religious you are and your spending power. Me using saved potential rent money on fitness equipment-

-and massage guns makes it seem like I have nothing to complain about. It adds to my family being unable to admit to problems, when I mention things to do with a life of meaning. Stuff like that gives life experience and teaches you what you want. -

-In my girl friend/wife, I need a woman who’s patient, listens, comprehends, and so forth...but back to the point about the cousin...-

-I mean, after a certain age, you want friends in ur family. In India, amongst my family, if a relative does a favor like sit with you for a day in mostly silence, at someone else’s suggestion, that means ur best friends.-

-All these random formalities and awkwardness arises with genuinely good, sincere people. My best friends are people who “do stuff with me or for me” and that I can “confide in.” But I guess that’s where you gotta go out and meet people. -

-Family can’t always be as you desire or expect, as life is complicated in its own respective way for everyone, be it through difficult personalities or cultural formalities. People need to find their kinda people to be friends and family. I’ve heard:

-“Friends are the brothers and sisters God forgot to give us.”

what else, what else....

I don’t understand how the orchestrators overpower or left me under my parents. For that, do they meet all the criteria for their entertainment? Did anyone do psychological background checks on everyone involved for something as massive as this? -

-This could take a toll on my parents when they have to betray their son. This could take a toll on the orchestrators after 11 years of failure and lies. I mean parents’ culture restricts them from letting me live the normal American life required of the “show.”-

-For them, it’s religion all day/everyday(Christian that is). While they’ve been in the country for 11  years & dealt with non Indian people, do they understand things or see things the way I have the potential of doing? Did they understand the depth & severity of this project?-

-&like a lot of minority parents, or parents from elsewhere,or who haven’t been in America's love dovy way of handling things for generations, despite myParent’s undeniable love4me &willingness 2give me everything b4 this, theyd beat me as a child if I misbehaved/got a badGrade.-

-There were instances where my dad, who I don’t see any less &just doing his job cuz of what Im used to, beat me w/a hanger till my legs turn red. But when American entertainment officials come along yrs later, does this kind of history check out w/ ur possible background check?-

-Did the orchestrators do their homework at all? Its amidst this kind of setting, that Ill punch a wall once or throw things twice in 11 years after days of provocation. In our normal lives, do the orchestrators think any of this matters or at least 2 us, as people, as a family?-

-For taking eleven years of my life, when I was at my prime, when friends have mine have become lawyers with beautiful couples and children, if I can take that kind of beating and what you did to me through these years along-

-with personal hardships and growth, wait till you see what I do to you, one by mine. Riches and glamour can’t replace 11 years of torment. -

-Life is great, but between the orchestrators and me, it’s kind of like Jefferson Pierce in final few episodes of Black Lightning against Tobias Whale for killing his father and tormenting his family. Jefferson has a life with super powers. But when he loses them, -

-he faces Tobias in a showdown, where he accepts the possibility of death. I am willing to lose everything and end up on the street to see the orchestrators rot in jail for persisting, carelessly, in what is, my life.-

-The orchestrators messed up my youth, my family, my chance at a 4.0 GPA education, the resulting career opportunities, my health, social opportunities, putting me through the indignity of having my world basically on team on speaking terms against me who they never talk to...-

- all for an America that I once compared to heaven because of its potential for altruism and representation from all over. Do the orchestrators realize what they set up today I had already without them years ago? Way to steal my life on "multiple levels."-

-Enjoy the rest of our time together, orchestrators. U, the orchestrators, cowards, hide behind high end tech &possible authority figures or government contracts, but when we’re face 2face, provoke me in person, I dare you, as urself, &me as me, not you doing ur weird mind cr*p.-

-Let’s see if the orchestrators have the b*lls, before one of us undeniably is guaranteed to go down, whoever it is.

moving on ... what else ...

I’m honestly talking about my family and the situation, because after 11 years, through observations and the situation not ending, I’m convinced no one is actually being honest about me.  (I used the word “observations” in the last sentence.-

-Problem with using that word is that the orchestrators will forge the next setting with things for me to pick up on cuz they’re psychotic and refuse to restore the natural setting and normalcy of my life-natural setting is what I’ve been after for 11 years...)-

-I mean what comes to mind in seeing me without any of this in ur head, while not denying/hiding/ what’s happened to me over these 11+ years?! - THATS THE NATURAL SETTING. ONE directive, ONE instruction...and if taking care of what I’m after was ur goal, this is it, ur done. -

-Doesn’t require resources or effort on anyone’s part. It’s just people being themselves- natural.-mentioned/repeated multiple times in old complaints.) 

so now some normal tweets before I get on with my day...

So apparently, a massage gun isn’t a substitute for foam rolling or stretching...

“Tea tree hair and body moisturizer” leave in conditioner is, I think, the greatest hair gel ever. When my hair was thick and long, I used to use tea tree styling wax, topped off with Sebastian potion 9 leave in conditioner...but I really love the tea tree moisturizer...-

-the tea tree moisturizer...you can use it on ur hair and skin...wish this stuff existed ages ago...

The kiehls blue eagle shave cream provides a smoother shave 4“me” than their lotion...they have another version that I just want to try: the white eagle version-$7 more...I put “me” in quotes, cuz it might work for others...i think different men have different kinds of stubble.-

-There’s this one guy working at a coffee shop I go to, who’s got to be having the smoothest cleanest shave. You see no stubble. But I mean the concept of shave lotions are nice cuz you can just wipe off when done. -

With Shave creams over shave lotions, you gotta wash off, and washing ur face and neck in the sink just gets water everywhere.

“Yogibo Support” is good for reading or looking at your phone on your bed. Google it.

I’ve talked about Punjabis and “ pagdiwalas, “ but that being said, if there are any Guju’s like Ameesha Patel, hit me up.

Best combination of an idea: get the DoorDash dash pass free trial for a month and if you have around a $150 rewards from ur credit card, transfer it to DoorDash gift card. It’ll get you 2 weeks of outside food or restaurant food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. -

-Credit card rewards! Take advantage. Nice to use card with benefits-quite an incentive over cash. That’s how I’ve been ordering food, if that too is part of the “entertainment”, not cuz I’m loaded. Just a regular guy under 11 years of hype. -

-Be natural. React in what comes to mind on seeing me, minus pre-exisitng cr*p in ur head, without hiding/denying the existence of that cr*p.