#im never letting him into the wild he wouldnt make it

[3-aem]

honestly just wanna give you a hug and a head pat and tell you you’re doing great

my cat has differing opinions and is currently singing a song about them bc i accidentally forgot i put him in the bathroom when i needed to clean a mess 😭😭

[prince-jjae]

Pancakes for Dinner.

pairing; beomgyu/reader.

genre; angst, smut, fluff. (so much fluff, im so sorry.)

warnings; childhood friend!gyu, roommate!gyu, hate sex (kinda, not between gyu and reader), yearning...so much yearning..., one-sided affection (or is it?), toxic!gyu, aggressive!gyu, choking used as an intimidation tactic

jjaes comments; this one is.. kinda wild. its taken me weeks to write this. it rlly kicked my ass. this is a little over 5.5k words of pure angst, yearning and fluff. pls dont let this flop. thanks to my beta readers (wives) @liverspaghett and @hyukascampfire, i wouldnt have finished this without you guys.<3

Living with Beomgyu was a horrible idea. One of your worst, by far.

At first, it seemed like the most logical thing to do. You had been nearly inseparable as children, having spent your whole lives attached at the hip. When the looming task of moving out for college came up, of course, staying with your one and only best friend was the best idea you could come up with. And, of course, he jumped at the chance to have some form of familiarity in such a foreign space.

That was two years ago. Things were simpler, back then.

You huffed out a heavy sigh, forehead pressed against the cool glass of the plane. You were headed back home after a much needed trip away. You went alone, of course, much to Beomgyu’s irritation. You always did everything together, why not this, too? You didn’t have the heart to tell him. You simply couldn’t bring yourself to.

How would you even begin to tell him that you loved him, anyway?

–

It started shortly after you two had moved in together. You found yourself drowning in a pile of schoolwork. Essay after essay, quiz after quiz. One particular assignment had you at your wits end, eyes scanning over the same line of text over and over as if rereading it would help it sink in better than the first 7 times you did so. Your head fell against your desk with a loud thunk, the dull pain behind your eyes mixing with the new pain blooming on your forehead. Before you could lift your head to drop it on your desk again, your door opened with the faintest of knocks and a call of your name.

“Hey… you alright? You're gonna knock any sense you have left right out of your head if you keep doing that,” he snarked. Typical Beomgyu, trying to lift your spirits with jokes and half-hearted insults. You snorted out a humourless laugh.

“This homework is leading me to believe I never had any to begin with,” you replied, voice hollow and irritated. Beomgyu’s smirk fell right off his face. He moved closer to you, brows furrowing in concern.

“Hey, wait– Don’t talk about my best friend like that,” he rushed to soothe you, frowning as pulling you out of your uncomfortable desk chair and into his arms. Even as adults, you two were always a bit too touchy. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you melted into his hold with ease. Usually, you were a bit iffy about physical affection. As kids, Beomgyu made it a point to make you accept him and his love. It was his life’s goal, apparently. One he had achieved after 6 years of hard work. Now, you were putty in his careful hands. you let your frustrations melt from your body until only comfort remained, comfort only Beomgyu could give you. He always had a way of making you feel better.

He rested his chin atop the crown of your head, rubbing soothing circles into your back, right where he knew all your tension would be held. “You're one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. You’re not only incredibly smart, but incredibly talented. I will not abide by this slander,” he half-joked at the end, trying to ease you into the way he saw you. You just huffed in reply, burying your face in his chest. He pulled back just enough so he could fix your skewed glasses on your face, smiling at you with that same lopsided grin he had when you first met as children.

“Let's take a break, yeah? I think I heard some ice cream and a movie calling our names.”

–

You always knew he was attentive, that he would make his future partner feel like the most cherished thing on the planet. But after about a year of him being attentive with you, you had a horrifying realisation.

Your heart swooping in your chest when he brought you your favourite snacks randomly, surprising you with your favourite coffee before classes, when he would make you pancakes for dinner as a surprise– it was slowly making one thing terrifyingly clear in your head. You didn’t want his attention to be anywhere else. Those thoughts that you had before about him making a future partner happy no longer felt like a pleasant thought, but it had jealousy rolling white-hot in your stomach. You weren't ready for him to dote on someone else the way he doted on you.

Still, you revelled in the feeling for now. Was it selfish to want to keep this, even if it was temporary? Perhaps, but you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. Especially when he sat on your bedroom floor, back pressed to the side of your bed as you wrote your latest essay, strumming his guitar to fill the air. He was working on a new song, he had said. There were no lyrics quite yet, but the melody he was creating was so.. soothing. It made your head spin with warmth and comfort, but there was a yearning there that you couldn’t help but pick up on. You turned in your desk chair, facing him with your lips pulled into a curious pout.

“What’s it about?” you had asked him, voice gentle and soft as if you were afraid that speaking any louder would disturb the comfortable vibes that had settled over your room. He glanced up from his guitar, head tilted at you like a puppy. Your heart stuttered in your chest, making you glance away. You couldn't maintain eye contact when he looked at you like this, as if you hung the moon and stars for him.

“I’m… honestly not sure. But it seems like it wants to be a love song of some sort,” he replied, looking equally as perplexed. You sat up a bit straighter in your seat.

“Wants to be? Does a song know what it wants to become?” You frowned, confused. Beomgyu was always hard to figure out, even moreso when he became so beautifully poetic like this out of seemingly nowhere. He nodded quickly, soft blond curls bouncing at the movement.

“Every piece of art knows what it wants to become. You just have to let it decide.”

You sat there, stunned into silence. His words hit you in a way you never expected. You thought back to all of your unfinished stories, fictions you had written over the years that never saw the light of day. Only Beomgyu knew about a few of them, not all. After all, how could you tell him that a lot of the stories you wrote were about him? You realised he was right. Whenever you wrote, especially lately, your stories tended to go wherever they wanted. No matter how hard you tried writing various genres, various storylines, various characters.. It always came back to him. It was always him, in the end. You smiled at him, leaning back in your chair as you turned around to complete your essay.

“I think I get it.”

But you didn’t get the chance to tell him. You weren’t brave enough by then.

–

It was 6 months ago when he shattered your internal fantasies. He walked through the front door as normal, tossing his keys in the dish and taking his shoes off. Everything seemed normal, but you instantly knew something was off. Maybe it was the way he seemed a little too giddy today, maybe it was the way his cheeks were tinged red despite the temperate weather outside, but you had a looming feeling that something was about to destroy you today.

You should have trusted your gut.

The news was not surprising, really. That he had a crush on someone and it was going well. No, what gutted you was that it had apparently been brewing for months now, while you were blissfully unaware. You were too busy falling for Beomgyu that you hadn’t noticed him falling, too. But not with you.

Still, he was your best friend. You had no choice but to find joy in his happiness, even if it wasn't shared with you the way you wanted. So you smiled as wide as you were able, congratulating him with as much true happiness as you could muster. He grinned, the smile bright and blinding as he swept you up in his arms, spinning you around. It sliced through your heart knowing that he did all of this platonically.

“God, I really think they’re the one..” he breathed, sounding dazed. He was entirely unaware of the sound of your heart shattering in your chest, nor of the way your fake smile faltered for just a moment.

–

You decided it was time to go on a trip. You needed to get out. Fast. You needed to be as far from Beomgyu as possible, as fast as possible. Luckily you had plenty of vacation time from work built up, and within a few months, you were packed up and ready at the door of your shared apartment.

“Gyu, cmon.. You’ll live without me, right? It’s only for two weeks, and I’ll be back before you know it,” you rushed to console him, even at your own expense. Truthfully, you didn’t want to come back to him. He was absent from the apartment almost all the time now, spending all his time with his new partner. You no longer knew what he was up to, nor how his classes were going, if he was happy, sad, upset. You were a stranger, now. Such an intense change in your dynamic with him became a hot knife in your stomach, carving out your worst emotions and putting them on full display.

It was a tearful goodbye, but not on your account. Beomgyu was a blubbering mess, clinging to your shirtsleeve as if letting go would mean he would never see you again. You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, shrugging him off before ruffling your hand through his fluffy hair as you always did. “Besides, you’ll probably be too busy with your partner to have time fussing over me.”

You knew your words were a low blow, but watching his eyes water and bottom lip quiver stroked your ego just slightly. He frantically shook his head side to side with such a fervour you were sure he would break his neck if he kept going. You placed your hands on either side of his face to still him, his cheeks squishing against your palms. He stared at you with those big puppy eyes you loved, and your heart tugged in your chest. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to hold him. You wanted to just stay here with him instead of running away like the coward you are.

Alas, he wasn’t yours to do so with, so you pulled away.

Gripping your suitcase, you walked toward the taxi waiting for you, but something gave you pause as your hand made contact with the door handle. You looked over your shoulder, giving him your best, watery excuse of a smile you could muster.

“Be good, okay? Be back soon.”

“You’d better.”

–

If you had some foresight, you would have shut down your computer before you left. Although, in your defence, you were too preoccupied with getting the hell out of the house that you did little to prepare your room for your departure. It really shouldn't be surprising that Beomgyu would go snooping in your room when you weren't there. It was perfectly innocent, he swore! He missed you so much. He needed to be in there to feel your presence again.

It had only been a few days since you had left, and the apartment was eerie without you. He realised just how much you lit up the room when you were there, keeping the apartment’s atmosphere warm and fuzzy with just your presence. He was content with just sitting on your bedroom floor as he usually did. He talked out loud about his day, rambling in his usual way and imagining you were watching with rapt attention and nodding along as always. He caught himself, pressing his lips into a thin line when he realised what he was doing. This was pathetic. He could just call you, but your phone seemed to be off. Not being able to contact you at all times settled a pit deep in his stomach that he didn’t like. His connection to you was severed; cut off at the neck, and he was floundering. He didn’t know what to do without you, so he dragged himself off of your bedroom floor and into his own room, flopping himself face-down on his own bed.

A few hours later, when he realised he couldn’t get a wink of sleep without you, he dragged himself out of bed. If he couldn’t sleep, he could at least do something productive, right? He went back to that song he was trying to write, guitar in his lap and pencil tapping against his plush bottom lip as he tried to concentrate. “Cmon.. let the song write itself..” he tried to coach himself through it, to no avail. After an hour of staring at a blank lyric page, he let out a defeated groan. Moments later, he found himself in front of your bedroom door. He couldn't recall how he ended up there, honestly. He swore his feet followed the familiar path to your room of their own volition. He pushed your door open, eyes fluttering just slightly at the way your scent hit him like a wall. He could feel his muscles release the pent-up tension he must've gained during his poor excuse for rest. Beomgyu sighed as he stepped through the threshold of your room. He wanted to settle on the floor with his back against the side of your bed like he always did, but something tugged at him today.

He sat in front of your computer.

You were a writer. He knew that much. He had read a handful of things you deemed good enough for his eyes, and he was positively enraptured with the way you wove words into intricate stories that tugged on his heartstrings. He was hoping, however selfish that hope was, that he could find something to inspire him into writing that damn song. You always inspired him, so surely your writing would do the same.

He swore he wouldn’t snoop for too long, wanting to find something from you, anything from you to aid him in his songwriting woes- and then he found it. Scrolling innocently through your saved documents, something caught his eyes.

“Pancakes for Dinner..” he read off the screen, the combination of words tugging at something familiar deep in his brain. How could he resist? He clicked the document open.

This work was different from your usual writing. It was in a poem format, and the pacing was reminiscent of a song. He wondered, distantly, just when you had the time to write something so interesting- oh.

2 hours ago.

You were writing this on your trip, probably with your laptop or phone. Something about that fact made his heart sink. You obviously had access to the internet, why weren't you talking to him? Were you avoiding him? It seemed unfathomable, you ignoring your best friend, just as he couldn't imagine ignoring you. Frowning, he pushed himself to read.

“Don't want to be forward, don't want to cross a line

But if I were to crash in this plane tonight,

I'd want you to know this.

Don't want to say too much, intrude on your space

But if I were to crash and I didn’t make it home

I’d want you to know this.”

Beomgyu's heart was in his throat. Crashing..? He hated the idea. You were going to be safe. He didn't even want to entertain the idea of you never coming home to him. You were a fact in his universe. A fixed point. Unchangeable. And here you were, writing about dying? About never coming back to him? He felt sick.

“Oh, and to say it is too scary, so I’ll just say something else

And I wish that you could hear me when I talk to myself

But this plane might not land safely

So, what the hell do I have to lose

If I just tell you?

I wanna eat pancakes for dinner

I wanna get stuck in your head

I wanna watch a TV show together

And when we’re under the weather

We can watch it in bed

I wanna go out on the weekends

I wanna dress up just to get undressed

I know that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident and I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

Maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.”

Beomgyu was floored to say the least. As always, your way with words was so intricate and amazing that he could do little else but read in awe. Something about it irritated him, though. This felt too.. Intimate. Not for his eyes. He knew he was invading your space, yes, but this felt too personal, even for you. You were always so reserved, keeping your emotions hidden and to your chest. Beomgyu prided himself in being able to read you better than anyone else, and yet.. These words. This song you wrote, these lyrics hit too close to home, somehow. He pushed on, but something nagged at the back of his mind that if he continued, things between the two of you would fundamentally change forever. It was a stupid thought, anyway, so he pushed it aside.

“Don't want to say something wrong

Don't want to be weird

But if you're still in love with her

I think that I’ll leave it there

And I won’t ever tell you this.”

The words felt like ice cold water washing over him, stinging and shocking him to his core. You were in love, weren’t you? It was obvious now that he reread the previous lines. You were head over heels. He should be happy for you, he knew that. He should be ecstatic that you could find someone to feel this way about, but that happiness never came. Instead, something raw and ugly clawed its way up his throat, causing him to push away from your desk and slam the door to your room. He didn’t know why he was acting this way. He didn’t care to know. Instead, he threw himself into anything and everything else, trying to rid your heartfelt words from his mind. You were in love, and all it did was piss him off. He completely forgot about his song, and completely forgot to close the tab he was on.

He spent the following few days in a bit of an angry haze. He was meaner. Rougher. you'd be shocked to see what he had become in the wake of his realisation. Part of him wanted to be ashamed of what he was turning into, but he couldn't find it in himself to give a damn. You were in love, he was dating someone, that was the end of it. So he took his anger out in a way he thought would aid him in keeping his priorities straight.

–

“Gyu, wait- slow down-!” his girlfriend cried, but it fell on deaf ears. He simply growled into her ear and gripped her hips in a bruising hold. He was being too mean, he knew that, but he didnt care. Her voice was starting to irritate him. It didn’t sound right. Her moans didn’t sound as pretty as they did before. This knowledge made him hiss and move harder, fuck her faster; Shoving her head into the pillows to muffle the moans that he usually loved to hear.

“Shut the fuck up, whore. You’ll take what I give you,” he spat, fingers tangling in her hair, shoving her face harder into the pillows as he continued to plough into her. She was using your nickname for him. He knew why she was doing it, wanting to exert some sort of power over you in your absence. It made him scowl, but it wasn't enough to make him stop.

It didn’t matter, in the end. It didn’t matter how often he fucked her. It didn’t matter how many surfaces of your shared apartment that he did it on. It didn’t even matter when he did it in your bed. The rage gripped his heart, unrelenting, leaving a foul taste in his mouth. Maybe he was sick in the head for this, for trying to wash you out of his life. He shouldn’t be acting this way. He knew he shouldn't be. But he couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop the anger from pushing him beyond his usual limits, turning him into something unrecognisable.

It was the day before you were supposed to come home, and he was exhausted. He supposed that the rage-induced fuckfest he found himself in was just his way of blowing off steam. It was fucked up, it was childish, and he was finally coming down from it.

Kinda.

He had the sense to break up with his girlfriend by now, thank god. It was a rough affair, full of screaming matches and scathing words. She was furious, of course. Not that Beomgyu cared. She was going off on a tirade about you, but he was only half-listening. Something about how she was better than he deserved, that she would get him back for this, that he was a jerk. He just kept staring somewhere beyond her ear, waiting for her to be done. Then she made a horrible mistake.

“Its them, isnt it?” Her words were enough to finally knock Beomgyu out of his trance. His gaze sharpened, zeroing in directly on her face.

“What?” He questioned, though his words felt too sharp, too dangerous. If she had any sense, he thought, she would recognise his words as the warning it was and leave it alone. Alas, she was just as dumb as he expected.

“Your roommate. They’re doing this. They’re the reason, aren't they? That bitch-” Before she could get any further insults out, Beomgyu had her by the throat.

“Shut the fuck up.” He almost grinned when she finally had the sense to look scared. He was seething. No one insulted his friend. You were more than just his roommate, you were his best friend. You were his one constant companion, his soulmate. Who was she to get in the way of that? Who was she to insult you; in front of Beomgyu, no less? Was she that fucking stupid?

He had backed her up to the front door, all the while she was spewing apologies and blubbering through her tears. He didn’t care. He stopped caring a long time ago. He only cared about you, he knew that now. He didn’t know how he had ever forgotten it. How could he have forgotten how perfect you were? How could he forget that he only had you?

It wasn't until after he had slammed the door behind her that he finally took a deep breath. It was over. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t feel much about it. She was just a distraction, really. You were his focus. You were always his focus. How stupid was he that he had lost sight of that?

The silence of the apartment rang in his ears painfully. It was taunting him, reminding him of the absence of you. He once again found himself entering your room with little memory of having walked to your door. Here, he could find some semblance of peace. Here, he could delude himself into thinking you were still here; that he could still smell you, feel you, hear you. He glanced at your computer, knowing it was still open to that document. His heart ached in his chest, jealousy eating him alive. How could you love someone else? How did you have the time to? He was almost always with you–

Except he hadn't been, had he? No, he had been too busy with his girlfriend– ex-girlfriend. He felt his chest cave in. You did have time to fall in love with someone. He had nearly done the same. He was such a hypocrite. How could he be angry with you for doing the same thing he did?

He frowned, hand shaking as he moved the mouse to wake your computer screen. He knew your password by heart, typing it in with nimble fingers and bated breath.

“Oh, ‘cause to tell you is too scary

So i’ll just say something else

Like how was fall semester?

And what was that song about?

I’ll try to hide the way I feel, But i’ll just want to shout

Oh, what do I have to lose right now?”

As he read the chorus again, something tugged at his brain. Something was so familiar about it. Even the pre-chorus felt.. Off. What was he missing? He read it and reread it, but nothing popped out to him just yet.

Then something on the screen flickered. His heart lept in his chest, eyes bulging as he watched a different coloured cursor begin to type out words. You were writing this right now. You were abroad, in some other country and yet he still shared this with you. It was almost enough to convince him that you hadn’t left at all, that you were still right here with him. If he focused hard enough, he could almost hear you typing, fingers flying over the keyboard in a flurry of movement like always.

“I think that I should probably tell you this

In case there is an accident

And I never see you again

So please save all your questions for the end

And maybe I’ll be brave enough by then.

Well, maybe I won’t ever say whats in my head

No, I won’t have to say anything

You’ll say it instead.”

That last line haunted him. It echoed in his head over and over. “You’ll say it instead”?

At first, the realisation hit him slowly. Pancakes for dinner, wanting to know what his song was about, being in love with his ex.. You were writing this song about him, weren't you? All these things lined up a little too well with the experiences he shared with you. Then it hit him all at once.

The person you were in love with was him, right? You were in love with him. Your best friend, your roommate, your soulmate. If Beomgyu was shaking beforehand, he was trembling like a leaf, now. This whole time, he was acting out and seething, he spent almost the entire time you were gone in a fit of rage, when in reality he was jealous of himself. He felt both giddy and ashamed. If only he had stayed a bit longer last time he was reading your lyrics. If only he had patience, he would have seen. He would have known that he was the object of your desires this whole time. He felt foolish, embarrassed–

But none of that mattered now. No, what mattered was that you were on your way back to him. What mattered is that you were coming back, and he was never letting you go again.

–

The plane ride back did little to calm your nerves. You had a decent time away, you supposed, but it wasnt the relaxing get-away you were hoping for. You spent the whole time fighting the urge to pick up your phone, wanting nothing more than to fall into the familiar comfort of hearing Beomgyu’s voice in your ears, the dulcet tones smoothing over every frazzled nerve you had. But no, you had to steel yourself. Moving on meant limiting contact.

Beomgyu was like a drug. The more you took of him, the more you relied on his presence, his voice, his touch, his smile. Everything about him was addictive, and you needed to quit. You’d never survive if you stayed so pathetically dependent on him. Quitting cold-turkey almost broke you. Scratch that, It did. It ruined you. You spent the first few days away sobbing into the hotel bed’s pillows, phone safety tucked away in your purse. You promised yourself you would try to find closure.

He loved someone else, plain and simple. You had to move on, not just for your sake but for his. How uncomfortable would he be if he found out about your feelings? Would he think you were disgusting for misunderstanding his actions? For creating this scenario in your head about the life you wished to have with him? Oh, god.. What if he found out about your stories? What if he knew what you wrote about? The scenarios you wove with him in mind were not something you ever wanted him to see. He could never know. He will never know.

You closed the document app on your phone, leaning your head against the window of the aeroplane as a sigh tumbled from your lips. They were bitten and gnawed beyond belief, a habit you had recently picked up as you tried to shove Beomgyu from your mind. The song was your last-ditch effort at putting your feelings from your mind. Maybe if you admitted it out loud, you could move on. Acceptance is the first step, or something like that. You closed your eyes, trying to imagine how the reunion was going to go. Should you move out? Maybe it would be best. The idea of being further separated from Beomgyu made your chest clench painfully, making you shake your head. No, you couldn’t do that. You weren’t strong enough to make that large of a step, even if it was what would save you.

If leaving Beomgyu meant your doom, you would accept your fate with open arms.

–

He was exactly where you expected him to be, standing at the terminal and waiting for you. Though, you knew it wouldn’t take any real effort to pick him from a crowd. You only ever saw him, anyways.

Before you could say anything, his eyes met you and you swore time stood still. Neither of you moved for a few long moments, just staring at each other in awe. Seeing him again, seeing the way his eyes lit up when he saw you, made all your self-respect fly out the window. All the work you had put in during your trip had been knocked down in an instant. How could you ever think you’d be anything other than his? It was written in your DNA, you belonged to Beomgyu, whether he knew it or not. That was your fate. He was your fate, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

Then the moment broke, and you were being twirled around in a bone-crushing hug. Beomgyu was nosing eagerly at your neck, taking in your scent first-hand instead of your room. He sighed against your skin.

“You’re home,” he breathed, sounding dazed. You understood the feeling, nodding dumbly as he set you down on the linoleum again.

“I’m home,” you affirmed, looking up at him. His hands never left your waist. Normally, you'd have no problem with it but you knew this feeling of greed was wrong. Your hands pressed gently against his chest in a weak effort to push him away. Your heart wasn’t into it. “You have a girlfriend, Gyu, hands off.” Beomgyu scoffed, face hardening at the mention of her.

“Ex,” he corrected, staring down at you with an intensity that had your stomach tensing. “Ex-girlfriend.” He clarified, hands staying firmly planted on your waist. You swore you could feel his thumb stroking your side gently, but you were sure it was just your imagination.

“Oh..? Are you okay–” You couldn’t get any further words out, not when his lips pressed to yours like that. You froze, muscles stiffening under his hold. He paid it no mind, continuing to kiss you senseless. When you finally began to relax against him, he pulled away. Your eyes were wide as saucers, staring up at him as you fumbled for words. “I– you– what–?”

“I’ll say it instead,” He began, sounding just as breathless as you did. When you looked at him with confusion, he just laughed. “That love song I was writing was for you. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was. It was always going to be for you. I make you pancakes for dinner because I know you don't like candies, but still crave something sweet at night. I bring your favourite coffee to you before your classes because I love the way your eyes light up when you realise I memorised your order. I’ll say it instead, because I want you to know that I love you. I’ve always loved you, I think. I just never knew until I thought I had already lost you.”

Your head was spinning. He wasn’t giving you any room to breathe, instead he pressed his forehead to your own, hands moving up to hold your face in a gentle grip.

“You love me too, right? You wrote that for me, yeah? God, please say yes–” This time you were the one cutting him off with a kiss, pressing so fervently into him that his eyes rolled back into his head. This was everything he ever needed and never knew he wanted. He loved you, he would say it every day, every hour. He would be sure to remind you all the time so you never forgot. He needed you more than anything in his life.

“Yes.” You breathed against his mouth before diving right back in. With a single word he knew; he was yours, now and forever.

taglist; @hwanghyunjinismybae @biteyoubiteme @chyuuiung

[thedeathwitchescats]

Okay, review time!! If you are one of the oddballs who thinks you cant be critical of something you love I suggest you stop reading now before I ruffle your feathers. Iron flame, second in the empyrean series. I am gonna start with what I was not a fan of and then go into the shit I adored.

1) what in the actual fuck was the pacing of this book?? I can tell you what, it was non existent. There was none. Where I thought there was a lot of filler in the last book there was none in this one. We got snap shots of conversations and then *boom* more plot flew at you. The timeline of this book greatly suffered for it i think bc we end only a couple weeks, if that, after threshing, which happens sometimes in October. This book was actually so wild with times.

2) while it was a spectacular cliff hanger, xaden becoming venin pisses me off. Especially if Rebecca yarros isnt going to have him tell violet. Like if that small tid bit of a conversation we got wasnt him telling vi that he was venin then the entire romantic conflict of this book was rendered pointless and their going to be having the same fucking fight for the rest of the series and at rhat point I give up.

3) I understand that the revolution is trying to take down basgaith and make the world better or whatever the fuck but can someone actually formulate a real plan for me?? Because I feel like their mission is just, giving violet and xaden something to be pissed at each other about.

4) the entirety of cats character. I get that she was set up as a spin on the typical jealous ex. Like having her be bitter about xaden picking violet over her but OH WAIT it wasnt actually about the man it was about the crown, oohh not like other girls. Im a writer too I see the point. I dont care. I think it was trashy. If you wanted her to be a bitter spiteful ex then have her be a bitter spiteful ex, the whole crown thing was shallow.

OKAY haters your time is up now onto the shit that made my heart hurt with joy and sadness

1) xadens arc in this book. I really liked that he went from "transparency is never gonna happen" to losing his fucking mind over violet and giving her everything. I love feral men and he qualifies. I think his arc was really well done and i liked it.

2) I appericiate that violet stuck to her guns for this book. She wouldnt let xaden off without a fight and I loved that. She made him bow and scrape and I was eating it up. It was spectacular.

3) the throne room scene. Violet on the throne. "Im making a temporary point not a lasting vow of maschocism" xaden being feral.

4) that gets its own point actually, just xaden being completely feral this entire book healed a part of my soul.

5) andarna's little speech at the end where she was like "I waited for you violet" made me ugly cry. That was just so hopelessly good I loved it. Andarna in general heals my heart but that part was just *chefs kiss*

6) tarin being completely and utterly ready to eat people this entire book. Just, at every turn "I want lunch their pissing me off " was spectacular

7) every scene their squad was in. Rihannon, violet, sawyer and ridoc are my roman empire. Their bond is so amazing. The fact that they launched a rescue mission for violet. Rihannon being ready to kill xaden at every turn. Ridoc being so platonically and adorably in love with violet. Just- augh happy cries happy cries. I love it all. Their so special tbh.

8) I love xaden actually, just, the whole book every scene hes in lives in my brain.

9) I liked that we saw a small bit of violet being feral this book too. I hope that we get more of that in future books. I want more of violet losing her fucking mind. Hot, badass women covered in blood

10) Liam. Fucking Liam. When violet was kidnapped and Liam was there. Now, do I logically understand that he was a hallucination, yes, do i care?? No. He was a gift from Maleck I will be hearing no critiques on that. It was so fucking sweet and amazing. I love violet and Liam and Liam being dead so horribly breaks my heart. I loved Liam. Liams death lives rent free in my skull.

[holmsister]

Why I think Kabru was the first child Milsiril took in:

1) it coincided with the Utaya catastrophe and her leaving the Canaries. If she was already in the habit of taking kids in, Idk if she would have been able to still be in the Canaries.

2) it also makes more sense to me in terms of character motivation if leaving the Canaries and taking Kabru in is all one decision. Like. Young Milsiril doesn't seen particularly motherly. Think of how she treats Mithrun - she gives him motivation to live, yes, but she does so by inciting him towards revenge. (This happens BEFORE she takes Kabru in btw im pretty sure its explicitly stated somewhere. I say this because i saw some confusion on the matter). An older, less angry, more disillusioned Milsiril saw what the elves did in Utaya and decided to both stop being an accomplice and try to repair things how she could by helping a victim.

3) ...which also explains why she was so unprepared. Like there's no way around it - it's clear that she is incredibly unprepared to deal with a tallman child, let alone one who is as incredibly traumatised as Kabru was. She also seems to not have a clear idea about tallman growth and maturity rates etc. (She tries to spoonfeed an elementary age kid and thinks Kabru is going thru puberty at 22!) If she had previous experience with short-lived races she would have a clearer idea of such things, if nothing else, thru mere experience. Her lack of knowledge makes a lot more sense if taking Kabru in was an impulsive decision maturated in the context of Utaya, and only after she spent some years with him she was like. Oh actually I like taking care of children. I might want to keep doing it.

4) I know there's the Rin comic in which the other elves seem to imply Milsiril is the go-to for dealing with short-lived races children and also she says she doesn't have space to take anyone else in, but it's possible she started taking in more kids in after she felt like she got her footing with kabru (iirc kabru had already been living with her for a couple years at that point) or, what I'm tending towards, she meant that she couldn't take anyone else *besides Kabru*. Considering the other elves treat Rin as some sort of little wild animal l don't think it would take much for them to consider someone an expert in handling children.

5) there's never any mention of other kids besides Rin in Kabru's memory. It seems weird to me if he spent so much time in the house with those other kids he does not talk/remember them, especially considering how curious and sociable baby kabru was. It might be a facet of elven childcare we don't know, but we see elven families being reasonable sociable in canon at times, i don't see why Kabru wouldnt be allowed to befriend the other kids if they were there.

6) milsiril seemingly dedicates a lot of time to him and only him. This can be explained simply by noting that this is Kabru's memory tho. But still. She keeps track of him in adulthood, has him fully adopted into his family, dedicates personal time to his education and training, and even teaches him some coping mechanisms for his panic and anxiety attacks, like the whole "recite capitals of the world" thing.

I think that Kabru was the first kid she took in, he lived alone with her for a very long time, and only after he was with one foot out of the door (14-16) she started taking in other children, which would be at that point too young to be interesting as friends to a teenager Kabru looking forward to either becoming a Canary or moving out.

[newrhys]

im insane and a nigel defender for life so heres my theory/take on like minds

i truely think that its likely Alex was the manipulator and nigel was the victim (to a degree).

this is kinda all over the place and just my thoughts so take everything with a grain of salt im just bored

we all agree that Alex is an unreliable narrator, and when it comes to the interrogation, it would but likely that Alex changed the story for a “solid” alibi to seem at least not guilty, which is very common behavior for people, especially younger people who have committed a crime to do.

most of my reasoning for this comes from the fact that he makes sure to include the detail that *somehow* nigel got into his room in the middle of night (assumably) and put a bloody knife and playing card on his desk.

it could be very likely that he had this whole alibi, that he "missed" his date with susan was entirely made up, that he made it seem like nigel was the one who planted the knife for "for fingerprint insurance” making nigel seem like this criminal mastermind to a degree.

that and also the hand that nigel “gifted him” could have also been a cover up for (maybe) that alex could have very likely been the reason why his friend let go of the train, by messing with his hand. idk on this one tho for sure honestly, though i feel like nigel care a lot about anatomy and dissection that it would be out of character for him to sever a hand.

AND that when alex was asked “how he was sure it was his friends” he said that it wouldnt make sense otherwise (or something along those lines) which honestly is kinda strange bc i would rather rationalize that its not my dead friends hand and just some fucked up prank but maybe thats just me.

you can look into real interrogations and its not unusual for people to make up these crazy complex and wild stories to victimize themselves to seem innocent, even when the story is strange or off putting or has holes.

especially because this is a time when the attention is all on them and what better way to ganer sympathy and attention that alex could have possibly lacked in his childhood then now in the interrogation. with someone who alex could have possibly seen as some sort of mother figure, because she listened to him, and embraced him when alex talked about nigel.

“well susans body was “disected” it had to be nigel” it could have also been alex copying in the way of something that nigel would have done to again, make the evidence point at nigel.

now, this theory is a bit spotty and honestly its not great I KNOW its just my thoughts ive had that ive wanted to share, because honestly i dont have a great reason for why nigel would have invited alex over to his house if not for nigel being a little shit, but who knows, that could have also been made up, and alex really was planning on killing nigel, and just happened to show up at that time

but that being said, im also not saying nigel has never killed anyone, i am just saying alex’s series of events is a bit weird, i do think nigel has some issues, but those probably due to the obvious abuse he as suffered as a kid, and his weird interest could be a symptom of that and his curious for dead things, i wouldnt be surprised if he had witnessed death early as a child seems how it was mentioned in the show that it can result in mental illness.

which kinda leads me to my next point, at the end, when alex totally doesnt kill nigel, and nigel kills himself, alex has a sort of smile at the end, that either he was happy nigel died or that he, really *did* kill nigel and he “enjoyed” it.

to add onto this, alex never really cried when he talked about his friends dying, he cried when he talked about how it made *him* feel and how when nigel had wanted him to get “freaky” per say with susan, he was crying in the interigation because it upset *him* and it was something bad that happened to *him*. im not a professional at all and i only know a little bit about mental illnesses but in certain personaility disorders,, its not uncommon for people to have intense feelings when it comes to something that effects themselves, and apathy towards other people.

and at the very end of the show, it shows that alex clearly has a pattern of this behavior, of manipulating people in certain ways. that its not something unusual for him to do, when he asks the teacher if it’s possible to get into someones head, its likely because hes the one who, atleast thinks, he has control of nigel.

anyways thats kinda just my collection of thoughts ive had about this movie for a long time so i thought id throw them out here, do with this as you wish. dont be too mean tho i am dyslexic and not the smartest lmfao. i just like yapping. obviously i dont know everything and i likely got information wrong which like whatever.

anyways im sick and bored and wanted to yap so maybe someone actually read this

[mackmp3]

☕how the writers delt with river song

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.

like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life

a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being

even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS

also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.

like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo

also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)

[baby-xemnas]

i love captains-first mates dynamics so much because they are so different and luzo NOT being childhood friends to lovers and instead being love at first sight/only cremate luffy sought out/all that instead of 2 different kinds of growth together that kidkiller and lawbepo had is really so fun

luzo are not a slow burn they are an explosion, luffy waits for nothing, he isnt scared to lose this new and precious friendship he found. idk if theres a fic but there should be where luzo first time is post mihawk. luffy getting a clear confirmation that zoro is his and since he is His why wouldnt he tear into him. yes grave injury may be a turn off but seeing a weakened and vulnerable zoro makes luffy insane (hes alive that placated some of his protective instincts, his worry is settling down) he hates that zoro is hurt but his weak voice makes him hard and zoros proclamation of loyalty is vivid in luffy's mind. that's his right there he doesnt want to wait ..they can be careful right it's fine (zoro is crazy enough to go along you know this)

the way the power balance is so different where luzo are most equal and lawbepo is the least lol

personally i love thinking that out of aaaaalll of them killer is the most mature and savvy when it comes to relationships (because while law got more seriousness in him than the remaining five combined - he is very able to hurt bepo) killer got his cute level headed moments i adore. i love that he can hold kid on a short leash and make him think it was his idea But also just allow kid to do whatever because he adores him

⬆️ being true for all vices but in different ways. killer is indulgence, idk if im overfocusing on their age gap but imo killer somewhat still feels like taking care of kid as a younger brother so that "sure babe" is laced with care, adoration, acute awareness that he is letting a wild horse run free and it will surely break something and hurt itself and "i have a firm hand on your arm so you dont trip, i love you"

bepo sees law as godlike of course captain can do whatever, his word is absolute and he is never wrong. "you are the best thing around and the best thing in my life i love you"

zoro is so hard when luffy is wilding out it stops his brain function. "i will lose all my limbs for you i love you"

[creaturecomfxrts]

Dipper and Mabel pines headcanons?

FINALLY getting around to answering these! since im better at them, heres some college age headcanons that apply just as much to how i view them in the show!

DIPPER PINES

transmasc. duh. of course

parents are INCREDIBLY supportive, super understanding. hes on hormone blockers in the show and starts HRT as soon as hes able, getting top surgery and bottom surgery in his early 20s

bisexual! ran into a guy junior year of highschool and went oh GOD. this is wendy 2.0 im going to die

NERD.

LOVES board games. so much. not just dungeons and dragons and monopoly im talkin everdell, wingspan, cascadia, catan. he loves a good think. he also loves dragging everyone else into playing them with him. he always wins. almost always, anyway

absolutely adores college and everything about it hes a little freak. totally ends up being the president of a few clubs, co creating some, etc. made an occult club AND a hiking club at his college

loves doodling, loves horror. his teachers? not so much. they try not to look at the weird ass creatures he draws on the margins of his very well written homework.

probably goes into something smart. like biochem. or um. stem. im (author) is a liberal arts major all i do is write gay fanfiction.

PSYCHOTIC ASS DORM ROOM. he barely decorated it like a classic college male but has a conspiracy board and thats it. which is full of strange shit hes seen outside of gravity falls. to be fair its very well documented and somewhat neat, just…. strange decor. he lives in a single (introvert)

COVERED in tattoos, but always abides by the suit rule (all tattoos need to be able to be covered by a suit to be professional. he knows this bc hes a neerrrrddd). he has really sick sleeves of runes and other occult like things hes found interesting. he has cipher related tattoos as well and also even got ford to design a few.

he has PROMINENT eye bags. he will never fix his sleep schedule

ended up working as a summer camp counselor for a while right outside if gravity falls! the kids loved him but he couldnt stand the heat and bugs all the time so he only did it for a summer or two

even after turning 21 he doesnt actually drink that much, hes a craft beer enjoyer and likes to make it himelf (Much later in life)

ALWAYS stays in touch with mabel. if anything happens in either of their lives you better BELIEVE theyre already on the phone with eachother

medical marijuana card holder

smokes to help eith his anxiety. it works WONDERS

coffee drinker but actually Does put cream and sugar is coffee. sometimes. other times hes too tired and just thugs it out

MABEL PINES

THE number one it girl ever

NUMBER ONE TRANS ALLY EVERRRRRR she loves her brother so much

pansexual!! she loves cool people, thats her motto

went to a fashion design school, is loving it despite drowning in work

began dying her hair in cool ways through highschool, now she always has some of her natural color present but goes a little crazy on the highlights

found out about huge dangley joke earrings. went absolutely crazy. has an entire space on her desk dedicated to her many many earrings. she has babies, knives, bags of doritos, aliens, glow in the dark ones, anything you could imagine.

fantastic at fashion design. stuggled a lot with the fancier stuff but her teachers were floored when they let her go wild on casual comfy wear. she excells in combining fashion and comfort in really exciting and colorful ways.

a party girl through and through, loves clubs, raves, concerts, anything!

video game lover as well, cracked at pvp games.

still boy crazy, just less so (has had like. 10 college boyfriends)

literally the sweetest friend ever. she loves hosting movie nights and tea parties (bc who wouldnt. theyre awesome)

tea drinker, loves floral teas with honey

HATES. black coffee. a starbucks frap girlie 4ever

has been scouted for modeing multiple times and only accepted when it was a commercial with puppies

love love loves making friendshio bracelets. knows all the patterns, all of her friends have a hefty amount of a bunch of different ones because she just keeps making them

anywwy, here you go! i love these two so much, i hope ive done them justice!

[gyllenhaalstories]

presumed innocent episode 8 word vomit <3

i can't believe this is the finale already oh my god i am so stressed and scared this show has giving me a headache!!! i'm not ready to say goodbye to rusty and barbara and raymond and god this show is GOOD. (psst this one got wild so buckle up)

so it is THE fire poker 😭 there's a chip on the handle, i used it to make a fire. RUSTY YOU STUPID MAN. chicago's falling apart criminals are running loose because the chief deputy prosecutor is too busy fucking and eating pussy. well damn.

then the crab rangoon jesus. WHY IS THIS ALWAYS A ONE STEP FORWARD 10 BILLION STEPS BACK 😭 why can’t one thing go right why can’t they just win one thing.

and like … how can there be a beyond a reasonable doubt thing IM DOUBTING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING IS DOUBTFUL 😭

mya having barbara followed OH OKAY OH 👀 then rusty tracking barbara's car oh no one is trusting anybody in this as they should

HE SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT CLOSE NOPE OH MY GOD it should be mya, mya should do the closing statement. rusty make one smart decision challenge FAILED

okay after that i just stopped i stopped working thinking breathing

rusty's closing statement was actually good. he had me in tears. and not just because that temple vein looked particularly beautiful but because woah. woah. from a mumbled speech rehearsed in the garage to this? woah.

i still think mya should have done it, i think that after a while, mya should have been first chair. i wish we could have seen how things went with mya leading the counsel. this was a duel between tommy and rusty, a fight of egos, she could have broken that fight up and it would have shaken tommy. the same way nico came into play and switched things up so easily (what a hero... i hate him a little bit less).

but.

FUCK I AM RELIEVED BY THE VERDICT MY MAN IS INNOCENT

i slapped my thigh so hard that my hand still hurts. oop. but oh god the sigh i sighed. i let go of a breath i ABSOLUTELY knew i was holding.

well... wellllllllllllllll

wellllllll

innocent...... that's a big word...................

THE END OF THE EPISODE THE FUCKING END OH MY GOD

THE WAY HE ACCUSED BARBARA, I THOUGHT IT WAS HER TOO THE ENTIRE EPISODE IT SEEMED TOO FOCUSED ON HER I WAS LIKE FINALLY THIS IS THE BUILD UP I WANTED AND I WAS SCARED WE WOULDNT GET BUT OH MY GOD

oh my god

HE COVERED UP he did the opposite of what i thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought rusty hit carolyn then barbara cleaned up. like she cleaned kyle's bike. trying to copy what she remembered of the bunny davis case she found in rusty's office. similar not identical. BUT. BUT NO IT WAS THE OPPOSITE

i am shaking i'm shaking so much i have a headache i haven't had this much anxiety in ages i gagged i'm so close to throwing up i couldn't even properly cry i was too shocked oh my god

JADEN

JADEN NO JADEN JADEN OH MY GOD

i can officially say that i called carolyn creepy from the first to the last episode because that woman is CREEPY. the "it's your dad who wont leave me :) i can leave him alone :) but it will be hard because our lives will be intertwined i'm pregnant with your dad's baby :)" the way she said it. the way she said it with such boredom. again. BOREDOM. emptiness. as empty as she was every single time rusty declared his love to her. she's bored with him, she doesn't love him, she never loved him and she made a point in him knowing she was so much better than his wife but oh she wanted his baby? like oh my first son? don't care. rusty? don't care. this baby from an affair? still don't care but i'll pretend i do. she has every right to want a strictly sexual relationship but it was obvious that rusty did not want that and he was emotionally involved and it's very weird to me how she's so bored by this. i just... i don't get it. like what rusty says at the end, how someone can just be unaffected and not even wobble. it's so foreign to me and it makes me feel weirddddd.

carolyn could have insisted it was rusty, isn't she what she does too for a living? LIKE RUSTY she persuades she lies she manipulates the truth LIKE RUSTY DOES she could have lied and switched everything on rusty, she could have insisted she's trying soooooo hard to stay away from him and tonight was the last time they fucked but he is not letting gooooo and she wants this to be over she wants this to be over so bad. jaden would have gotten spooked, she would have hesitated. she was going to her house on a mission but it would have shaken her up. she loves her dad, she loves her family and she wanted to protect her family but to be confronted with the "shit maybe my dad is in the wrong" could have made her hesitate just enough. but to break down the "i'm pregnant with your dad's child so i'm family now" right here and there. FUCK NO. FUCK. i'm sorry but no.

i don't want to end my rambling on carolyn. so i'll keep going :)

SO JADEN OH MY GOD JADEN the hugs, she was so scared. the dissociation talk. she was so scared. she was testing the waters. she was so scared.

i can't even blame rusty for thinking it's barbara because this last episode framed her so well. it framed the family. it framed the whole family and i thought that was so beautifully done. it felt very much so as a them vs rusty. in the end it was a them with rusty. aww.

rusty oh my god rusty. how he just ... how he set things up. how he tied her up. how he cleaned everything. how he did everything so no one would trace it back to barbara. they would trace it back to him so he could take the fall and try to catch himself. he did. i didn't even believe he could anymore but he did.

the last few sequences too. they felt like "oh we know you're losing your mind, here's some flowers and a bird to bring you peace teehee".

i hope raymond enjoys his retirement and spends plenty of time gardening with lorraine and i hope they can be happy and do what retired people do and i hope nothing ever stresses them out. i'm so happy for them. raymond i love you.

in the dinner scene, i was actually scared when rusty was the last one to be shown. but wow what a beautiful ending scene. that stare rusty and barbara exchange...

i was so scared they would butcher the finale, especially with the announcement of a second season. could they have dragged this for like 2 years until a new season? MINIMUM? shows take forever these days. it would have felt so underwhelming and disappointing but i also didn't want them to squish everything into the last five minutes. so when the verdict was revealed about halfway through, i was more hopeful.

this show is amazing. this is... this show is absolutely nerve wracking and amazing. i've said it many times before and i'll say it again: what a spectacular cast. the editing, the trailers, the way everything was intertwined... the way they planted seeds constantly and the way the tension was kept through the entire 8 episodes. we only had one kind of filler episode and that was it which is insane.

jake's acting during this entire episode was out of this fucking world, the closing statement, when he broke down everything to barbara but when he cleaned up the scene and tied carolyn almost wailing as he did so OH MY GOD FUCK OH MY GOD. jake put his whole gyllenussy in his acting and it SHOWS. he came into set each day after training like a beast for the UFC fight on a mission to outdo himself every single time. wow. like. his first show too. like? hello? how does one person have so much talent.

now im laughing at all the theories i had oh i am as dumb as rusty

after the NUMEROUS theories i went through and talked about with friends and people on here, i truly hoped and wanted it to be a team work with barbara involved. so on this one aspect, i am disappointed because i absolutely wanted her to be involved. she was in a way. rusty did not cover up the scene to cover up HIS trail, he did it thinking he was protecting barbara. he wanted to protect HER and this is so... fuck this is what i wanted. i wanted him to wake up and boy did he wake up with that scene and how firmly he stood in his ground to insist that he was protecting everyone. protectiveness. the sabich family is all about protection and they carried that through the entire season. this is phenomenal.

i wanted barbara to be involved and i wanted her to get back at rusty for all the pain he caused her and their family. this man is a fucking cheater and liar and he's a complete idiot and i wanted him to realize that. and ruth's acting when rusty breaks down everything that happened, everything he thought that happened. wow. the emotions the reactions. i was scared ruth's talent would have been wasted if she was not the murderer but i don't think it was wasted at all.

jaden? i'm not even mad at her. i don't blame her. i absolutely adored their connection, i loved how kyle was a mama's boy and she was closer to her dad. i know she killed someone but to even consider it shows just how troubled and impacted she was by her father's actions. just the fact she believed so strongly she needed to do something to stop it because nothing else would work. how she drove, cleaned everything, the breakdown afterwards... the poker too? my god. wow. rusty going straight into protection mode, straight into making sure it was his doing. this was just self defence from his actions, she defended herself and her family and her father. she defended her father from himself. he better take her to disneyland and they better wear matching mickey ears.

on a more personal note that nobody cares about, this show has been so special to me in so many ways. similar to road house, i've kept up with it since the beginning and watching the episodes as soon as possible and so much of my time has revolved around that show and thinking about it. i wrote what are objectively my best fics because of it. i have pushed my limited skills to gif the show. and omg i'm so thankful for daphne because i would have absolutely avoided the finale like the plague if she had not been there!!! <3333

it's bittersweet to see it end but it's been such an incredible ride and this is some of jake's best acting work. perhaps the best of all. presumed innocent!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here's a cookie for reading until the end 🍪

[dnpbeats]

the Dan is philslion revelation... my mind is blown this is INSANE lore I believe in it 100%

ANON HI SORRY FOR LETTING THIS SIT!! i know that's what's so wild like... we all know why dan and phil started TALKING but they've never said in depth how dan got phil's attention (like, obviously he was commenting and tweeting him a bunch, but so were other people!). and like, yes it could just be that phil got curious one day bc he recognized dan and clicked on his twitter acc (which ik other ppl have said but im not sure if d&p themselves have said that? but they have also lied multiple times abt how they met so LMAO). but wouldnt it make MORE sense if dan was running a fan account that we know phil regularly interacted with? 😭😭

[kindred-spirit-93]

hello yall i come with tidings.

cavetown released a cover of mitski's my love mine all mine. drop everything and give it a listen its hauntingly beautiful

i woke up today and chose emotional devastation: been thinking about the apollo cabin all day and severely and irreparably wounded my feels in the process (see under the cut for a lil more)

heres a recipe for falooda bc ive been craving it and my childhood innocence this morning

look at it its so pretty! rose is such an underrated flavour i think

ill probably make another post, but for now: i came across this and it got me thinking about (and crying for) the apollo kids.

i genuinely have no idea if the chart is canon material or a bunch of headcanons (not that it matters ofc) but yeah im building off of it regardless lol

hilal (still unclaimed by hades) khalil's first and dearest friend at chb is diana (from the foster system) and TIL u can get brainrot from ur own ocs and their fantastical interactions with even more fantastical characters. i hurt all over and regret everything ;-;

anyway they grow very close in the short time they spend together (ill make a seperate post with headcanons and little things for diana bc shes my favourite and id die for her and she deserves concept art too).. also still figuring out their orientations so theres that

hilal grows flowers and learns to braid them into cass's hair (like rapunzels), they giggle while comparing similarities in cuisine (her mortal family is also greek) and pretend to fight over dishes

amir and hilal both love having a buddy during iftar and suhoor; chatting about everything from traditions, favourite foods, and eid fun times. enjoy each others company and swap books regularly.

it was no secret that micheal's features were sharp and that his tongue was sharper, and what with his general bad temper and foul mouth it was expected that the pair wouldnt get along. that was until after some incident where hilal lost it and yelled at him for 10 whole minutes, letting a few strong words 'slip' for emphasis. they reconciled their differences later and although the pair never became friends, they both held the other in high regards. micheal definately teased hilal for having a vocabulary to make a seasoned sailor blush. she decorates his scrapbooks sometimes

will is a baby that hilal adores (shes part of the will protection squad) and the two only grow closer after the premature deaths of their loved ones. but before that they often held tea parties where they talk only in thick accents (southern and british respectively) before dissolving into fits of giggles. in some ways will is hilals brother before nico. she knows him very well (and sees right through his innocent exterior he fools chiron with)

more will: he is absolutely wild and i will not be convinced otherwise. hes loud and playful and very energetic. a bit too much. he also has a lil ponytail (someone draw this pls) and enjoys talking about classics and is very chatty, much to the chagrin of his siblings's ears and hilals amusement & delight. loves using big words but frequently stumbles over them (cuteness overload)

long before being claimed by hades, the apollo kids welcomed her and gave her a space to call her own. and there goes the waterslide.

[quodekash]

im back.

hell yeah flute man

pls my dads are so sweet, i cant deal

IVE CONTINUED FOR THREE MINUTES AND IM ALREADY ABOUT TO CRY AGAIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

THE WAY THE BLANKET IS RUFFLED AT HIS NECK MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE A GRANNY OR SMTH I CANT STOP LAUGHING

IM CRYING

IM LAUGHING SO HARD IM CRYING

DID THEY REALLY JUST

OMG

IS HE STUMBLING BECAUSE THE GROUND THEY SLEPT ON IS HARD OR IS HE STUMBLING BECAUSE THEY GOT HARD

i guess what im trying to say is DID THEY REALLY JUST FU

YOU GUMNUTS YOU LOST THE KID

OF COURSE YOU FREAKING LOST THE KID

THE ONE TIME I GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO A CHILD, IT GETS LOST

THIS HAPPENED WITH JIGSAW AS WELL

what is it with our skyy 2 and introducing me to small children that i get emotionally attached to anD THEN RIPPING THEM AWAY FROM ME

he'll be fine tho, im sure of it. he knows what hes doing. and even if he doesnt, he's got two dads and two uncles to look after him, theyll find him and rescue him in the most overly dramatic way possible

my bet tho: he's just gone back to the village and he's completely safe and yod's trying to radio them to let them know hes safe but their radio isnt working, so he's gonna go into the forest to look for them while the four dudes wander around the forest to find the kid, and then theyll all run into each other and be like "welp we panicked for nothing" and then go back to the village and then theyll kiss their boyfriends and longtae will appear with his 184cm tall boyfriend and theyll all party and celebrate

(that last part is a mere wish, i know my boy doesnt show up at all and im sad about it)

OHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

its totally fine then, theyll find him and he'll be safe and sound

oh look at that, they did a custody switch

i think the real thing we should be saying here is: it's already evening and your legs are STILL hurting?

YOU GUMNUTS, DONT GO LOOKING AS WELL

THEYRE GONNA FIND THE KID AND COME BACK AND FIND YOU GUYS MISSING

AND THE CYCLE WILL NEVER END

HOLY FREAKING HELL YOU IDIOTS

bro is just chilling

i love this kid so much

he's saying this terrifying thing about how a wild animal nearly killed him so he climbed a tree and got stuck in it all night, and he's just so chill about it

i just love him so much

well how the hell are you gonna communicate that with your boyfriends

REMINDER: PRAN AND TIAN HAVE NOW SPENT THREE DAYS IN THIS FOREST

WHAT THE HELL ARE THE VILLAGERS THINKING??

THEY DONT HAVE THEIR HEAD CHIEF FOREST GUY BECAUSE HES BEEN IN THIS FOREST FOR TWO DAYS

also: surely patpran are getting close to their one week quota, right? they had one week to get the thing signed, ive forgotten how long they were already there for, but theyve been in a forest for three days so like idk man

YOU GUMNUTS

SURELY YOU KNOW YOUR BOYFRIENDS WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW THEYRE IDIOTS WHO WILL TRY TO COME FIND YOU WHEN YOU DONT COME BACK

they all probably smell. theyve been wearing those clothes for days in a forest

and pat probably still thinks he can find pran based on his scent, bless his silly idiotic heart

TIAN HASNT HAD HIS FREAKING HEART MEDICATION IN FREAKING DAYS

THE MAN'S GONNA DIE

P'AUUUUU

LMAOOOOOO CALLED OUTTTT

omg bonding

"why do i feel like you're just insecure and not sure if you're good enough to tell anyone that story?" awh

"you know nothing" "why wouldnt i know? i know how it feels to be insecure, unsure if im good enough" wait hang on

NO

HONEYBUN

NO WAY

HONEY YOU'VE BOTH MADE SO MANY SACRIFICES FOR EACH OTHER TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE TODAY

i wanna hug him so bad

FREAKING FINALLY

MAN NEEDS HIS MEDICATION

ID RATHER MY DAD DIDNT DIE TODAY

GJWEKBRSVD

THATS IT

IM DONE

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

IM NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY OKAY RIGHT NOW

ITS THE WATCH

i know he has it just because pran dropped it in the forest and pat picked it up, but its still the same watch that pat picked up for pran when they were children, all those freaking years ago

i just think its a lovely parallel

i love them so much

hsdshgjsdhjgsd

SEE?? you help each other out, you both sacrifice for one another, YOU ARE IN LOVE AND YOU MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT BUT YOU'RE THE DAMN BEST AND GVERYJDHFGB

BITCHES BE CRYING RN

ITS ME

IM BITCHES

SOBBING MY EYES OUT

COMFORTING DAD PATS (pats like the action of patting, not multiple of the character whose shoulder is being patted. words are hard)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

HSDFHSDFHSDHG

THEY MEAN PROBABLY TOO MUCH TO ME

ALSO PRAN DEFINITELY SMELLS WORSE THAN PAT FOR ONCE, HE HASNT SHOWERED IN DAYS

ANYWAY, HUGS

I LOVE HUGS SO MUCH

SAME

HE IS ME

I LOVE YOD SO MUCH

shoot i ran out of images

just fyi: it took over two hours for me to get from halfway through 2/4 to halfway through 4/4. and i still have a whole episode left go to. this may take like a week to finish

[littleplantfreak]

you could fill whole posts with your feelings about Ume, you say? why don't you prove it? 👀💖

Em, sweet pumpkin spice latte, i have a reputation (i dont actually) so it's going under the cut because no one should actually have to hear me scream about him for 10 years PLEASE if anyone here thinks im cool dont read this i wanna keep my nonexistent street cred

This is my second time writing about him so im sure its consolidated a bit which is preferred cause earlier it was like,,,,, ten paragraphs more than it is now

lets start with my favorite manga panel of him that i keep so safe and close to my heart because look! he broke the wall and his arm hangs over the panel and i looove it Satoru nii i can tell you were gonna make him the mc but im sooo glad you didnt because i love himmmm. though sometimes he reminds me of myself when i was younger way too much but this aint about him. ANYWAYS I FORGOT I DONT THINK ANY OTHER PANEL DOES THAT? its and important panel TO ME

When i first saw him with his hair down? instant heart eyes jesus christ ive never drooled over someone so hard which must be why my post with the most notes is me gushing about his hair. Ive always had a thing for hair tho im just a weirdo. Don't even get me started on the reading glasses!!!! i could just scream.

Also ive always had a thing for big guys esp gentle ones and once i learned more about him it was like bullseye bullseye bullseye- with how boxes he ticked but i just wanna climb him and maybe fight him for real but also fight him with my mouth. I wanna take care of him soooooo bad its not even funny. Like i know he's a big caretaker but i wanna pamper him i want that boy loves and cherished ill fight chika for him rn baby you dont have to lift a finger just sit over there right now.

Just heard a country song on the radio called must be doin something right by billy currington or whatever his last name is and went "i could dance with ume to that right now!!!!' also its a really sweet song though i love it.

Also he's hates needles...i hate needles.. we can take turns holding each other's hands for bloodwork and shots!!!

I started writing mainly for him and it was like....a "im not seeing enough content/the content i want" for this character so i put my pants on and did it myself. PRetty much my whole life i didnt like writing but now i do it semi-regularly and im pretty proud of that actually because ive begun to enjoy it? It probably helps that everyone's so sweet and the atmosphere is so chill but also nice and crazy and cool??? I dont have a lot of friends so im sooo soo thrilled to be able to gush with people its not even funny though sometimes im like "Girl you gotta be cooler than this you're not acting chill AT ALL calm down" so anyways i love him but i act like i really cant stand him he makes me so mad im furious at his existence

The scariest thing in the world to me is physically having kids? Like ive had nightmares about it i just dontttt wanna and i can tell he wouldnt push that like he'd be thrilled to adopt too it wouldnt matter but i think i would literally have his kids which is wild!!

Also? when i made that kissing picrew i actually flustered myself and that was crazy too because i don't fluster easy with boys at all but i physically turned red giggling kicking my feet about it every time i looked at it lmaoo you should see how red i get its baaaad im down baaaad

anyways ive alreasdy written too much have some more ume pics

[saintbehemoth]

On the topic of Vhagar and Caraxes 💚❤️(see my answered ask from @korovievs)…let’s talk Daemond…

Need to know your thoughts on them. Personally, they give me hives (in a good way?)

^ veryyy much this LMAO. and very specifically just the chorus from ethel cain's two children in a motel.

on a more serious note. the second sonism of it all..... i think daemon occupies this idol space in aemond's mind, like this powerful fighter who wields dark sister, this monstrous sceptre who exists on the edges of aemond's world. he surely wouldve grown up with tales of daemon in the stepstones etc, then experiences his fathers rage at daemon and rhaenyra marrying. i think aemond would v much relate to having an older brother who hates him, and who the court percieves as violent and occasionally terrible. of course, unlike daemon, aemond doesnt actually do anything except stalk around (until luke). like hes daemon if daemon was a flop. what alsoooo gets me is how they both try to make themselves copies of visenya - daemon has the sword but aemond has the dragon; daemon has the fighting ability and aemond has.... the hair? (aemond styling himself after daemon...) as i said flop and imo hes painfully aware of how he doesnt measure up, hence his obsession with daemon during the war. destroying your god to become him etc etc

also IM obsessed with the fact that despite daemond's apparent longing for the throne neither of them actually depose of their brothers...... the way they both are misunderstood by the general westeros population oooouughh. something about loyalty. i think aemond would try to make this point to daemon, that they both support their brothers' claims, but daemon would never be able to move past 'but you have rhaenyra. she is your eldest sister. your loyalty should be to her'. even when viserys is dead daemon defaults to rhaenyra (and jace, which ..... ), but when aemond and criston search for aegon he's all like 'i intend to be found' as though aegon's son doesnt exist lmaoooo

like i do think that theyre mirrors of each other and that they would recognise that..... (this being in some au where they fuck). aemond would be like 'this is what i want to be... wild and free' but not really capable of recognising the deep sadness daemon has to him? (imo daemon's always got this... something, he doesnt actually like revel in his position, yk? hes violent, but not like psychopathic gleeful about it, i guess). on the other hand daemon would look at aemond and be like oh my god boy you are pathetic. full of arrogant bluster. i think daemon would still fuck him but there wouldnt be the obsessiveness on his side that aemond would have. like half of the pleasure would be from aemond being viserys son. the other half would be from him liking aemond being a psychotic little baby freak. depends on the dynamics i think there are several good ways. actually rethinking about it the ONE thing about aemond that would actually send daemon crazy (in a bad way) is vhagar. i think he'd be so obsessive about finding out WHAT it is about this boy that's similar to his laena and his father.....

anyway as a ship i dont ever think theyd be 'in love' (see lyrics) but like. theyre the same. except theyre not. except they are, but theyre not 😵‍💫 like i very easily see daemon being aemond's whole world while to daemon his nephew is a like a little pet to amuse him when rhaenyra is upset with him. hmhmmng toxicity <3

even in like a modern/well-adjusted au i think aemond would be like uncle daemon pls like me pls pls pls and daemon is jsut a bit like. and which one are you

lots of thoughts..... i have more im pretty sure but thats all i can think of for now!!!

thank you for asking i hope this was at least a little bit interesting! would lvoe to talk about them more. kisses kisses

[anxiously-kk]

ok so i’m about to be reflective and rambly about some of my thoughts on the season so im putting it under a read more incase you want to skip because it is soooo long omg

ok so a lot of criticism on this season has been about The Flip™️ and how it ruined both corys game and the season. but i don’t think it’s that simple. to me there are many moments and choices that get made that helped build into the situation we are in now. flipping the vote on reilly week two which gave matt a huge chip on his shoulder and a wild vendetta against those who wronged her leading him to base so many moves on what she would want. was it good for cirie and izzy at the time i think it was but it did have long term consequences. you could also say that hisam telling his alliance they had to get matt out next but them flipping on hisam instead plus cirie green lighting matt saving jag(this isn’t all on her but she said she regrets not trying to stop him harder so i added it) lead to them forming a super tight bond that has helped them run the back half of the game. you could say leaving cameron (and bowie to an extent) out of the red blindside turning cams focus onto the ladies was unnecessary and it would have been better to include them. maybe that was the smarter play cause cam would have tried to stop it or maybe it made an unnecessary enemy. Maybe if meme hadn’t also been left out of that blindside till the last second cory wouldn’t have been able to get her to go along with the flip.

now in regards to the flip in question by this point that early core group had flipped (and blindsided) their alliance members more than once and cirie told matt she played path to power but not cory which eventually got back to him gave cory a reasonable opinion that they didn’t trust him and could cut him easily just like hisam and red. when you add that info to the fact that jared was acting like a total fool and on some extreme anti-cory shit that week plus izzy saying point blank america needs to go asap i wouldnt have felt secure with them either. now let’s be honest should have flipped that vote at that time even with all that info most likely not in my opinion because izzy at least liked him and was working with him while felicia could never let go of the belief that he was untrustworthy and that hurt him down the road. but would that have got him much further in the game? and would it have stopped the matt nag show? that’s hard to say because you can’t change one variable and assume every other event stays the same you know? like if izzy stayed but cory grew closer to america would they have gotten sketched and cut him earlier, or if he decided to ditch america would she have felt like she couldn’t trust cory and tried to turn people against him, if the blow up didn’t happen that week jared probably wouldn’t have been evicted that same night, so who would have gone in his place and how would that impact the game, if two people who were evicted didn’t have a whole week to chill in the house and put the game on pause would it not have given jatt time to set themselves up as the power structure or would cory have been able to keep momentum going and put together a solid group? instead? so i do think they should have taken out felicia that week probably but i don’t think doing so guarantees better results. i think its physics that’s like every action has an equal and opposite reaction and that’s true here too. this is a living game where people react to what is happening around them. every choice someone makes builds on each other any of those moments that i mentioned could have the right move or they could have backfired but they don’t exist in a vacuum you can’t isolate them from each other because one scenario only exists because of a choice someone else made

[ludinusdaleth]

I think I'll go for 4, 5 and 24—dealer's choice as to which of Artagan, Ludinus or Ira (or any npc, really. They don't get enough love.)

oh you have no idea the can of warms you've opened, lol.... i will happily do all 3!

this got so long i actually had to put a read more:

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

artagan - it isnt media per say but i really want to set him loose in our own reality and see what he'd do (there have been some hints i think, if half-jokingly said, that hes been here - boy do i think about that often.)

ira - we really should just let him star in his own horror movie. you could put him in a guillermo del toro film, and no one would bat an eye.

ludinus - i want to see how lud would react to faerun. a world so close to his own, but where the weave of magic is directly controlled by a god. there is an odd dichotomy in that faerun is more controlled than exandria and yet breaking that universe's laws are infinitely easier, and i think he would fall into obsession with that.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

so.... im gonna (un)ashamedly plug my playlists for them here.... please ignore that they can go as long as twelve fucking hours.... ill try to narrow down specific songs that REALLY hit about them, though.

artagan - "within you" by david bowie, from labyrinth, is a perfect fit. not only is arti based on jareth but the song's meaning directly ties into him & jester. jareth is terrified of being nothing more than a lost concept, a lost celebrity crush made fae king, as sarah is metaphorically maturing. "how you turn my world, you precious thing/You starve and near exhaust me/Everything I've done, I've done for you/I move the stars for no one..." i mean, c'mon. "family of me" by ben folds, "celebrity status" by mariana's trench, "lapis lazuli" by the oh hellos, and "due west" by kelsey lu also really hit as arti songs for me.

ira - "mad iqs" by i dont know how but they found me is a really good song for ira's hatred of ludinus. "a mask of my own face" by lemon demon is self explanatory and far too specific, due to his fascination with ashton's mask of him, with the song mentioning "dancing with all the bells". he would go wild for and try to emulate "thriller" by michael jackson or "i cant decide" by the scissor sisters.

ludinus - if i did a speedpaint of lud, id set it to "science fiction" by church of the cosmic skull. "and all the people, they stood on their chairs, and they stared, at the man with the silver hair/taken the findings of the science man/raising his hands to the air!/so he's making the minds up of the millions, and they'd never deny that he's right/cause he's taken a prize of many a size/if ever he dies he'll have a tombstone of a very high height". "brutus" by the buttress is ABSOLUTELY a ruby vanguard trio song and i even used it in my art of them before. "all history is vengeance" by brad derrick from the eso soundtrack is what goes through my head at the malleus key. "blood upon the snow" by hozier & "never look away" by vienna teng also really work for him. i think "survivors guilt" by emily axford (yeah, prism) also has lyrics FAR too tailored to him - "i see you in my dreams/young, and brave, and pre-calamity/i will tell you a story/i will be the voice you lost too soon/because even in your absence, even in your death/im still your moon".

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

(i wouldnt say im in the fandoms for all of these, but)

artagan - i think it somewhat obvious he's based off of jareth in labyrinth - his voice is basically david bowie's singing voice. to a lesser but still strong degree he's very much marvel's loki, down to the voice - if, honestly, an infinitely better take on the trickster god. as a past extreme loki fan the pipeline is there for sure.

ira - ashley said she & matt based fearne's story off a guillermo del toro film and i can see that in many fae this go-round, especially ira. he is basically a doug jones character. it's very easy to compare him to creepypastas like the russian sleep experiment or slenderman, too.

ludinus - he has some heavy similarities to emperor belos of owl house, vyrthur of tes, prince nuada from hellboy, and other characters who fit the archetype of a white-haired, ancient, pale elven (or elven passing) man, from a different time, who murders & (in some cases) colonizes to exact vengeance on gods, humans, or similar entities he feels have destroyed those around him. characters clearly in the wrong but who do bring up important topics of the endless cycle of brutality they were caught in, mixed with their privelege in every other circumstance. he also reminds me of mannimarco of tes. they look exactly alike and both shadow run an empire, somewhat in cahoots and yet at odds with a balding white haired pale human man within that same empire. oh! and fëanor from the silmarillion.

thanks for asking! sorry this is so long, floodgates are opened when i discuss men i wish were my fictional partners, lol.