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kal-djarin · 4 years ago

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Memories From the Past

Fandom: Star Wars

Date Posted: February 8th, 2021

Pairing: Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive themes but no actual smut, fighting?

Request: n/a

A/N: Okay I’m actually kinda proud of this one. I really love the dynamic of Obitine so I tried to translate that into fic without stealing the entire plot, but it steal is very obviously similar. I really hope the flash back scenes and change in pov. make sense, I had some issues trying to figure out what tense I should use for them, but hopefully it’s not confusing. IM SORRY THE ENDING IS RUSHED!!! As always please let me know what you think!!

Word Count: 4.5k

The news of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi’s return to Sundari caused an array of emotions throughout the Palace. The Royal Guards were more watchful than usual, still not truly able to release the years of grudges held against the Jedi Order and Satine, was glad to be reunited with her old friend, despite the impromptu meeting being over possible changes in where the planet stood in the Clone Wars; a figure dressed in Mandalorian armour attacking a Republic cruiser would bring anyone to question the supposed position of neutrality Mandalore held.

You, on the other hand, were instantly filled with dread. Years have passed from the last time you have laid eyes on Obi-Wan and still the mere mention of him causes hundreds of memories to resurface.

When Satine became Duchess of Mandalore, many people were happy, but there were still insurgents that would not accept her pacifist leadership. They would send bounty hunters to try to eliminate her and the power she held. These constant threats against her life compelled Obi-Wan and his Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn to remove her and you, her most trusted advisor, from Mandalore and live on the run for nearly a year.

You lived one day at a time, trying to focus on surviving the present and live to see what uncertainties the future held. Most people would think that living in such dubious conditions would be terrifying, but it was one of the best years of your life.

Right when you met Obi-Wan, you were instantly turned off by him, despite his handsome looks. His diplomatic kindness and reverence felt impersonal and fake instead of charming and he was far too arrogant for your liking. Qui-Gon, on the other hand, was someone you befriended very quickly. His empathetic and wise nature instantly connected the two of you and he became almost like a father-figure. He was constantly giving you advice and was the only reason you tolerated Obi-Wan in the beginning.

Obi-Wan instantly felt this disfavor towards him, bringing out his sarcasm and frequent jabs, making him even more unbearable. The two of you spent weeks either trying to see who could irritate the other more or just completely ignoring each other, to both Qui Gon and Satine’s dismay. Qui-Gon always tried convincing you that you and Obi-Wan would make a great pair if the two of you would just stop being so stubborn, but his advice fell onto deaf ears.

Your hostility towards each other did die however, when you were being chased by venom-mites on a cliff on Draboon. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought them off as you and Satine escaped to the ship. Satine ran onto the boarding ramp and just as you were about to join her, you tripped over a divot in the ground, the momentum of it almost completely hurtling you off the side of the cliff, had you not grabbed a hold of the ledge.

All you can remember was the absolute terror that coursed through your veins and Satine’s horrified scream. Your body was hung over what seemed to be a bottomless pit and the only thing anchoring it were your hands; hands that were rather weak from a life devoid of physical exertion and that were slipping as each second passed.

You struggled, trying to find a way to climb up to solid land, but soon realized all the effort was fruitless. Obi-Wan, startled by Satine’s cries for help, turned around and saw your rather unfortunate situation. His eyes widened and he quickly turned from his Master and ran towards where you hung. When he was close enough, he slid to his knees and stretched his arm out to you.

“(Y/N), Take my hand!”

You wanted to, you really did, but the fear of falling to transfer your grip from the ground to his hand was too debilitating.

“Obi-Wan, I can’t, I’ll fall!” You managed to choke out

“You have to trust me!” His voice was loud, but still held its usual steadiness. His eyes however gave away his true emotions. They were frantically searching your own trying to convince you to lay your life in his hands. You could practically feel his terror radiating off of him.

Realizing you were out of options, you slowly released your grip and reached out to grasp his outstretched hand. Your fingers barely grazed his own and you knew it was too late. Gravity met you full force, and you felt yourself scream as your body began to plummet.

Then, all of a sudden, a warm cradling feeling caught you, interrupting your imminent death. You felt yourself rise over the cliff and saw Obi-Wan’s concentrated face and twitching hand. When you were about a foot above the ground, you dropped into Obi-Wan’s arms, and let out a sob of relief. Your body was racked with tears, still trying to process what just happened, and Obi-Wan just held you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, seeking comfort for your near death, and leaned against Obi-Wan’s own shaking body.

That day was the start of a new relationship for the two of you. You began to confide in each other more and felt the trust between the two of you grow as time passed. Obi-Wan dropped his guard of fake diplomacy and began to act more like himself. Of course, he still had his sarcastic humor, but it was more endearing now and his kindness felt genuine.

Soon, your relationship became more than just finding comfort in each other. When one of you couldn’t sleep, you and Obi-Wan would just sit together and talk until you became tired or if it was time to get up. Being around him was effortless and there was an understanding the two of you had that was rare to find. Of course, there was still tension between the two of you but it was different, less hostile.

If your relationship with him had ended there, innocent and full of what-ifs, you would have been just as excited as Satine was to see him. You wouldn’t currently be standing in the throne room, shaking with anxiety, waiting for him to step through the doors.

Just as you begin to contemplate completely ditching Obi-Wan’s arrival, the doors are opened and you hear the Prime Minister talking to him.

You look down and try to not draw attention to yourself, which is impossible considering Satine insisted you walk in beside her. Satine knew you and Obi-Wan were close, but you never told just how far your relationship with him went, so she didn’t see anything with the reunion. She sits down at the throne and you stand next to her. They greet each other briefly and the sound of Obi-Wan being so close to you again gives you the courage to finally meet his gaze.

He looks absolutely radiant, somehow looking more attractive than you remembered. His hair is a bit longer and a perfectly trimmed bear adorns his handsome face. You can’t help but stare, trying to take in the view you have been deprived of for almost 15 years.

“After all these years, you're even more beautiful than ever,” He says towards Satine, but still keeps his eyes locked on you.

You break the intense eye contact and try to not let his smooth words affect you. He doesn’t falter at your discreet rejection and continues the diplomatic conversation between him and Satine. She invites him on a walk through the city, and to your dismay, she gestures for you to join them. You walk just behind Satine, allowing the two of them to lead the way. Air speeders whistle by around you and people walk around the city, going about their day, unbothered by the Duchess and Jedi moving around them. You hear Satine talk about the current predicament Mandalore has found itself in with the Death Watch and you know you should be paying attention and adding into the conversation for sake of not seeming rude, but can’t help but carefully watch Obi-Wan’s side profile as he walks.

It’s perfect just like the rest of him and triggers yet another memory in your mind: you and his first kiss. It was a couple months after the incident on Draboon, and the four of you were forced to spend the night in a cave because of a rather wild storm. You sat on the cold floor near the fire Qui-Gon made, unable to rest, just watching the rain hit the mouth of the cave for hours. Unlike you, Satine used her time wisely, quickly finding much needed sleep. Qui-Gon had been meditating earlier, but now seemed to be resting as well, facing the inside of the cave. Obi-Wan sat cross-legged, reading a book about, if you remembered from his earlier explanation correctly, the method of Jar’Kai, farthest from the fire.

It wasn’t long before he noticed your restless form and decided to sit down next to you, close enough for your shoulders to touch.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, nudging your shoulder with his own.

Usually this kind of touch wouldn’t have caused you any issues, but more recently, you began to take note of every physical contact the two of you made. Obi-Wan was rather reserved, so knowing he so frequently chose to make contact with you gave you conflicting feelings. You turned and looked at him and suddenly felt rather sad.

“Don’t you wish we could be more carefree, like other people our age?”

He looked taken aback from your sudden question, but soon began to contemplate, fingers coming up to gently grasp his chin. After a moment, he looked back at you and shook his head.

“I never truly have thought about it. Why?” He questions further.

You knew why. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, Obi-Wan has found a special place in your heart. Months of confiding and building trust with one another let you get to know his true personality, making it impossible not to feel so much for him. But, although you were just teenagers, the both of you had responsibilities and expectations of you. He was a Jedi and you had to stay focused on helping Satine rebuild Mandalore after the raging civil war.

So instead of answering his question, you decided to satiate the need to feel reckless by standing up and walking out into the rain. The feel of the cold drops on your skin should have annoyed you, but instead it made you feel alive; it helped numb the feelings you so badly wish you didn’t have.

“What are you doing!” Obi-Wan yelled, looking alarmed at your sudden uncharacteristic decision.

“I’m living!!” You replied, soaking in the feeling of the rain and quickly running back and grabbing his hands with your dripping ones.

“Come on, Obi Wan, join me” You urged. His eyes are wide in shock but, nonetheless, takes off his outer robes and walks out into the rain.

His trust to join you with no question made you feel even more giddy and you dragged him into the middle of the valley that the cave sat in. You grabbed his hands and began to dance, if you could even call it that. Obi-Wan, as comfortable as he was with you, immediately stiffened up, since he was never truly taught how to dance. This setback, however, caused little pause in your actions and you just spun with him around in a circle.

The drumming of the rain did little to drown out your laugh whenever Obi-Wan would stumble, to his dismay, but he too began to chuckle at the unskilled dancing going on. You gazed up at him and just from the look on his face you knew your feelings for him were going nowhere. His hair laid flat on his head, soaked, and his face was covered in water and he looked breathtaking. He made you feel safe and trusted and maybe that was the reason you decided to risk it all.

You grabbed his face between your hands and pressed your lips to his. It was short-lived, with him quickly pulling away with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted.

You instantly were filled with regret, embarrassed from the rejection, and went to run back into the cave to hide from your mistake. You felt selfish, trying to act on feelings that completely disrespected everything Obi-Wan lived for. Right when you pulled away from his arms, Obi-Wan quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back in.

His hands went up to cradle your face and he kissed you. It was overwhelming how much emotion he was channeling through it. The kiss was needy and hard but his hands were gentle, one of them coming up to tangle itself in your soaked hair. You could tell he was inexperienced, his form being a tad messy, but the passion put into it made up for any mistakes.

You feel a hand rest on your shoulder and are instantly pulled out of the memory. You see Satine looking at you, worry written all over her face.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She asks, her eyes searching your face.

You go to answer her and shut down any of her worries about you, but catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan and lose the words. His face looks almost distraught and you know he must have seen what you were thinking of. You force yourself to look away from him and respond to Satine.

“Yes, sorry I must have zoned out.” You apologize, hoping she buys your white lie. “As a matter of fact is it alright if I return to the Palace, I think I need a little rest”

She still looks worried, but quickly approves of your request and turns back to walk with Obi-Wan, who still seems bothered by your memory, but remains cordial and attentive.

You turn and go back to the Palace, a single guard flanking your side. When you return, you do exactly what you told Satine, you lie on your bed and rest, or at least try to.

***

When Obi-Wan sensed the memory you were thinking of, he was no longer able to focus on the important matter at hand. Even after the bombing on Mandalore after you left and him nearly being crushed to death on Concordia, he found himself thinking about it. He remembers that day so clearly; the first time he truly gave into his temptations.

He had worked so hard to stay in the Jedi Order- nobody wanted him as a Padawan. He was always not enough and it was only by fate that Qui-Gon decided to take him under his wing. He knew better than anyone that the title of Jedi was invaluable and there you were making him question everything he ever knew. He knew Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments or express their emotions, so why did he keep indulging himself with your presence.

The moment you kissed him, Obi-Wan’s instinct was to run. He was powerless against the attachment he had to you, so he knew the best way to stop it was to completely remove himself from the situation. He had every intention of doing so when he pulled away the first time, but then his other instincts kicked in. He felt the feel of your hands on his face, the closeness of your body, and realized there was no way he could let this go, at least not now.

Days after the kiss, Obi-Wan was filled with disgust at himself. He hated that he let himself indulge. He hated how he completely disregarded everything he was ever taught. He hated the fact that he loved every second of it, and what he hated most of all is that he began to wonder how it would feel to kiss your neck, skin, and other very un Jedi-like places.

Because of this, the months of progress the two of you made in your relationship were completely erased. He knew it was unfair to you, but he had to uphold the morals of a Jedi, and being around you made that goal impossible. He reverted back to the arrogant and guarded Padawan and pushed you away every time you tried to fix things.

But his efforts were fruitless. You knew Obi-Wan and were not able to let go of his sudden change in personality.

His Master also noticed the sudden change in relationship and decided to take matters in his own hands. He decided to send the two of you off on a mission to retrieve some sort of plant and herb. The two of you walked through the woods, The entire trip, Obi-Wan ignored every attempt of yours to engage in conversation and didn’t even truly acknowledge your presence. You finally decided to confront him, to his dismay.

“Was it truly that horrifying to kiss me, Obi-Wan”

“What?” He said, trying to keep the act up.

“Was it so bad to the point of ignoring me,” You pushed, getting angrier by the minute.

“I hardly see how that is relevant to the current task at han-” He began to deflect but was cut off by you grabbing his shoulder and whipping him around. Angry tears began to form in your eyes and at the site, Obi-Wan felt his facade crack.

“You don’t get to decide to drop me when things get hard, Obi-Wan” You spat, emphasizing your words by jabbing your finger on his chest.

Obi-Wan tried. He tried so hard to stay away from you. But the look of anger and heartbreak on your face made him, give into your spell, once again. He grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes.

He knew he was going to hate himself after, like last time, but the temporary pleasure it brought was impossible to resist, so he kissed you.

The kiss was hard and full of anger: anger at you, at himself, at the Jedi Order, and at the world for making you his weakness. You instantly reacted bringing your hand around to run through his short auburn hair and pulling your body as close as possible.

Obi-Wan deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore the inners of your mouth, inciting a moan from your lips. Obi-Wan felt himself flush from the obscene sound and couldn’t help but feel bolder from the thought of bringing you pleasure. He started to kiss along your jawline and down your neck, his brain becoming muddled from the pleasure of it all.

You had begun to take off his robes and that was when he came to his senses. He knew he had to stop this, it was completely un Jedi-like and uncivilized, especially out in the open. His thoughts were immediately shut down however when you slid your hand down his chest. He decided to burn every single pleasure and feeling into memory and worry later. Your hand began to venture between his legs and that was the second time Obi-Wan gave into temptation.

You were all he could think about while fighting on Concordia, and he knew this was why Jedi don’t form attachments. Just the memory of your relationship caused his judgement to be clouded. He couldn’t imagine how he would have been if you were there during the fight with Death Watch: constantly worried, focused on an individual rather than the greater good.

He was relieved to get on to the Coronet and away from the memory of his failures as a Jedi, but that relief was short-lived when he saw you boarding the ship alongside Satine.

***

Satine, as strong-willed as ever, insisted on you going to Coruscant with her. She didn’t want you to be alone on Mandalore, vulnerable to the rapidly more aggressive Death Watch attacks. Once aboard the ship, you settle into your temporary room and head down to meet back up with the Duchess, who was currently discussing her position of neutrality with other senators down the hall.

As you walk towards the meeting, you run into a young, handsome man and Obi-Wan. You immediately freeze, not prepared for the sudden direct interaction and just stare at him. “O-Obi-Wan” You stutter out, not knowing how to fully go about this.

Obi-Wan looks equally as startled, but recovers quickly and introduces you to the younger man.

“(Y/N), this is Anakin Skywalker, my Padawan and Anakin this is Adviser (L/N).”

You tear your eyes away from Obi-Wan’s and quickly greet Anakin with a nod and small smile. Wordlessly, you walk through the door and head to Satine’s side, not before hearing the Padawan say, “On a first name basis, huh, Master?” and a small grunt following a hitting noise.

The meeting was full of high tensions, many, including Obi-Wan, disagreeing with Mandalore’s neutrality. It was always an issue when brought up, and even you saw the issues with it. The idea of staying neutral and not interfering in a war is noble but is much harder in execution and can cause more turmoil in the long run.

As soon as the meeting is dismissed, you file out of the room, trying to avoid any more confrontation. You head to the room where you are supposed to have dinner and find Satine waiting for you.

Obi-Wan enters the room, walking with other leaders. All you had to do was get to Coruscant. Once there you can get out of here and not have to think about Obi-Wan Kenobi ever again. You zone out for most of the meal, not noticing the nervous atmosphere starting to settle over everyone or the warning Obi-Wan gives about a situation going on below decks.

You are suddenly pulled out of your own head, when you hear him yell to the guards about securing the lifts. You see the blue light of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and Satine quickly stands up from the table, bringing you with her.

A horrifying crunching sound is heard and the doors to the lift begins to wrench open, revealing a giant spider droid. It easily knocks down the guards and clambers onto the table, quickly approaching the group of senators. Obi-Wan goes into action and severs the spider droid's legs and lands a fatal lightsaber wound to its head.

The people around you breathe a sigh of relief but soon find out that it's far from over. Miniature spider droids begin to pop out of the body of the larger one and spread out to box the group of you in. Senators begin freaking out, but you and Satine know better. Years of dealing with the pushback of the people have forced you to learn how to defend yourself. Not to mention, the year spent with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan required you to spend quite a bit of time learning to fight. You and Satine immediately pull out your deactivators and get to work killing the droids.

Obi-Wan joins the fight with his lightsaber and the two of you fall into the instinctual rhythm from all those years ago. Back to back, slowly turning, ensuring the other doesn’t get too overwhelmed by the enemy. As much as you hate being reminded of your once very close relationship, it's easier to connect to him through the ease of physical touch. You can predict his movements and fighting techniques, making it much easier to interact than dialogue. Once all, except one, of the droids are eliminated, Obi-Wan turns towards you and seems as if he has something to say but quickly stops himself and walks away to check on the others. The adrenaline coursing through your veins from the fight keeps you on edge however, even after you return to your seat.

It stays with you, even when Anakin returns to inform Obi-Wan that there is a seperatist among you. The surviving spider droid is walked around the table, a test to see who it won’t attack. When Obi-Wan reaches Tal Merrik, a sudden change in the droid's hostile behavior proves him to be a traitor.

You watch in horror as Tal grabs Satine and holds a blaster to her head. The adrenaline from the previous fight serves you well because, even before Obi-Wan has time to react to the sudden change in severity of the situation, a fallen guard’s blaster, set to stun, is in your hand and has already raised and fired at the Senator. He quickly falls, releasing Satine.

You release a shaky breath and everyone, including Obi-Wan, stares in shock at your quick save.

“T-thank you,” Satine says, obviously shaken from almost being held hostage.

You nod in acknowledgment and watch as Tal Merrik is put into custody.

For obvious reasons, all the senators decide to retire to their rooms for the rest of the night.

Exhausted emotionally and physically, you do the same and head to your room after making sure Satine arrived at hers safely. You are about to relax into your bed when you hear a knock at the door. You open it to find Obi-Wan standing there, looking rather uncomfortable. “What do you want, Obi-Wan,” you sigh, tired of hiding from your past.

“I thought that we could talk”

“You are the last person to want to talk about feelings, Obi” You say turning around and heading back into the room, silently allowing him access to your space.

He walks in and closes the door behind him and leans against the wall opposite of you.

“I thought it would be a benefit to the both of us if we just talk”

“What do you want me to say Obi-Wan?” You raise your voice, tired of his roundabout way of talking.

“Do you want me to say I’m in love with you? But you already knew that didn’t you, all those years ago, and you still left” you accuse spitefully, not believing that you could somehow still have feelings for such an emotionally constipated man.

His face contorts into one of regret and grief at the mention of his abandoning you, but you still don’t let up.

“I think it’s better if you just go, Obi Wan. It’s what you do best.” You spit out, turning around to face away from him.

You hear him push off the wall and begin to move, but instead of leaving like you told him to, he walks up to you. You sense his presence against your back and he is so close you can feel his breath gently hitting the back of your neck. He stands there and lightly touches your hand with his own, breathing you in, again resorting to physical touch when his words fail. You bask in the closeness of him, giving into the way you missed his touch.

After a few moments, you hear him sigh and pull away from you.

“Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order”

With that confession, he slowly leaves and shuts the door, leaving you more confused and heartbroken than ever.

#obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi #obi wan oneshot #obi wan x reader #obiwan #obi wan headcanon #clone wars x reader #obi wan angst #obi wan smut #starwars x reader

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wavesmp3 · 4 years ago

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directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding.

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that)

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing...

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth.

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” / “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.” it hurts so bad im sorry

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!” I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.”

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b

this whole part... chills bro

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao

#oasis #mine #not sure what else to tag this lol #oh #directors commentary #this got so long for no reason

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years ago

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Translation Plans

Well... my break was pretty good. was finally able to download the clean fresh live version of the cxm secret mission that i had my eye on since i ranked up, saw the 1984 wonder woman movie (it was okay and I could write an essay on what didn’t sit well with me as a fan of the comics [im kinda of a comic book purist when it comes to the way characters think and their behaviour] but I really liked Lynda Carter’s cameo).... made a lot of progress on one of the hakumyu piano arrangements i’m working on (have now probably listened to certain parts of that song over a hundred times now), watched a bunch of the original hakuoki musicals in hd.... and I finally got my dad to play Batman: Arkham Asylum. My bro and I have been trying to get that to happen for years lol... especially since it has Conroy and Hamill doing the Batman and Joker voices (the animated series is the best!). super steep learning curve tho since it’s being played on the ps3 and the last console he used was the Nintendo Gamecube.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to stock up on translations as much as I would have liked to during this time on account of my hardware seriously acting up... to the point that I needed to send my laptop in for repairs and get a new one. Aside from how unresponsive my keyboard was and how hot it got, the laptop itself had become quite slow... though that might have been because my passport [external storage drive] took a bad fall which made a lot of my files harder to access since it was barely able to handle files being accessed/copied/moved off of it (this is after diagnosing it and repairing it via command prompt chkdsk x: / r), with the latter being what I spent most of my break waiting for as i avoided using my laptop since the majority of my drama rips and game capture videos were on it... To give you an idea of how long this took (and how long it is still taking), I went from being able to transfer my 50mb of files in a few seconds... to sometimes taking more than a day (tho other times i’d be able to get 4gb moved in >24 hours, making the timing super inconsistent. also i don’t have access to a cd drive now so i can’t just re-rip things)... which is why I haven’t been able to work on any videos since my last post (I have more than 1.3TB of stuff to move, so my new laptop isn’t exactly at its best right now and won’t be for a long while since I’m not going to be using a recovery service as waiting out the transfers for everything out will definitely be cheaper... the ballpark estimate I got was being anywhere from $500-2000, which is money that i am not exactly eager to part from just for the sake of saving time)... meaning I also probably won’t get to videos for a while since subtitling requires accurate timing and im not fond of things freezing on me while working on videos... ugh. i still have to do an insane amount of grinding later in warframe once my current batch of files finishes transferring...

Anyway, below is a list of what I’ve mostly managed to schedule (anything with a “?” is something that I haven’t committed to) and a list of what I’d like to get done this year (can’t make any guarantees... however, im probably going to try and translate some things with souma this year cuz of hakumyu), while the stuff in bold text is on my shortlist of things I intend to prioritize (Saito’s Ginsei no Shou chapters and Shinsengumi Oni-tan are still being worked on though not as actively since they’re a lot longer...).

Also, aside from December, the month that CNY falls on (February this year) and March (bday) will be the only foreseeable times when I put out less translations tho I’ll probably be playing video catch-up during that time this year since i’m not sure what i’ll be able to get done as i wait for my files to get moved.

oh well. I’m still aiming towards posting stuff on a weekly basis for the rest of the year... here’s hoping that it’s less volatile.... tho i unfortunately have non-existent expectations given what made the news yesterday. just glad i don’t live there.

YAISA!

------------------------------------------

January

Yuugiroku 3 Saito Fall story today!

Chapter 7 of Saito’s route from Ginsei no Shou + 4-koma

Hakuoki Kyoka-Roku Kazama CG Character Perspective [no vid. havent beaten this game and im not sure when i’ll feel like speed running through it]

Hakuo Gakuen Q & A

February

Stellaworth Hana no Shou After Story - Harada

Chapter 1 of Saito’s route from Ginsei no Shou

Web drama 8

March

Yuugiroku 3 - Short Episode #8 (Kazama/Amagiri/Shiranui) [still need to get video and screenshots]

Yuugiroku Drama CD Thumb Sized Samurai Track 1-4 (4 is WIP)?

Char monologue?

April

2017 Otomate Hakuoki SSL April Fool’s Day

薄桜鬼遊戯録隊士達の大宴会店铺特典「教えてください山崎さん！」 (completed yesterday)

Yuugiroku 3 - Short Episode #6 “Yukimura the page’s secret”?

char perspective?

Other

Hijikata Biyori (cuz these are short)

Yuugiroku 3 Short Episodes (these are longer than the ssl cross and daily stories)

Kyoka Roku Conversation in the Rain - Okita/Toudou/Kazama

Kyoka-Roku CG perspectives

2013 Otomate Party Hakuoki drama “Ideal place for a disagreement”

Saito Ginsei no Shou Chapters

Shinsengumi Oni-tan

Stellaworth Hana no Shou After Stories - Souji, Heisuke (THIS YEAR FOR SURE DAMMIT!)

2011 Hakuoki Reimeiroku Otomate Party drama

Stellaworth Nightshade Kuroyuki CD

薄桜鬼遊戯録弐祭囃子と隊士達 A店特典「あなた好みの想いの形」

薄桜鬼真改 ~風華大全~ 特典「稽古の痛み」

2016 Otomate Party Code:Realize drama* (this is almost 30 min so i will probably translate less that month if i get to it)

2019 ????????????? Halloween SS?*

????????????? Stellaworth Vocal CD (8 tracks)*

*have to check these 3 since I don’t actively follow these fandoms/tags tho im pretty sure no one has translated anything from the fandom for the last 2 items.

also, re:patreon goal - i am currently not able to access the files for the drama i am looking to get a translation commissioned for as it is in the process of being moved off of my damaged passport. 29gb remains as part of that transfer, which is the result of me trying to move all 865 files from where i keep the majority of the hakuoki dramas i’ve saved all at once... ended up doing that because every time I access that hard drive, each time i open up a folder, and every time I highlight a file to move, the file explorer goes “not responding” for an uncertain amount of time, and have instead opted in doing something that would hopefully reduce the likelihood of something crashing.

#personal post #update post

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thelostandforgottenangel · 4 years ago

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Good Morning everyone! I'm back!

I am happy to say that it is over, any reported harassment's against me were investigated; I had to send so much crap in and was told to wait; I was not guaranteed anything but it is luckily over and I can move past that and enjoy my followers and dear Tumblr family once again

Thank you for the few who gave me the support; I did get the messages whoever you are, I really would like to put a face to them but will not post them publicly to keep everyone safe.

Now I want to take this time to apologize to everyone for whatever I did because for the two people I had contact with talked me out of a very permanent plan to officially leave here if I lost my page after many years of being able to confide in people who cared and built me up because this is my safe zone; my safe haven away from my reality which I do need my escape to forget for just a second.

Returning to Tumblr after a forced hiatus, I was just happy to be back and check on my loved ones; getting my new phone in and finally having access to the internet again had me so happy until I got a message I did not fully understand

Now I had just returned; I had no clue what was going on when this happened and, yes, it upset me deeply to be delighted to talk to somebody I considered a friend and instead while replying to ask how they were doing wanting to be sure they were okay ((Understanding the person had been having troubles before I vanished I was looking in on a friend)) before the chat showed they had blocked me right after

Like everyone on here except one person; there is no way to contact me if I go missing. If I am not here due to I either: 1.) not having internet thanks to the person in control of it or 2.) functioning with a broken phone meaning - I did not get updates unless it was somebody who knew who to contact

I had no other way of reaching out since the friend is no longer active here after leaving months ago.

I had no clue what was transpiring and, Lexi, who anyone who has followed me since the beginning, is my lovely Anonymous penpal who sends me writing ideas for stories and the only real reason I left anonymous asks active because she, like me, suffers from extreme anxiety was trying to boost positivity for me because she understood my situation and the place I am in

I understand now she contacted a lot of people looking for me because; my anon messaging was finally turned off weeks before I left right after I stood up to my bully – I am sorry for that I did not get to say goodbye to anyone because it happened without warning and to those who knew what was going on I knew you would understand, and I know I worried a few people, it was never my plan to be such an inconvenience

Now at some point in the last few days, I had a dear friend send me some things in a submission that I never saw and wish I never had, thankfully; I know now, and for the sake of their sanity and to keep from adding any more drama or toxic actions to our wonderful fandom, they will remain unnamed because I do not want them catching any hate

Nobody here deserves hate.

So I will not be posting the original nor will I release the creator's name; this was a problem between us it stays between us because I do not wish ill on you; I hope you are successful and are having no more issues, I know returning to my page and not seeing any anon hate in my box after ten days is very refreshing for a change

I have seen everything said about me in three possibly four separate posts since it was all sent to me as one with little separations in-between, and I’m okay with it; I guess I have to accept this is how you feel I have nothing else to say on the matter

What you are saying is fine; I’m not going to let it get me, that is your opinion, and as human's, we are all allowed to have an opinion

Now, I don't know if you will see this, but I don’t think you are crazy in any way; I think you are intelligent and you have a huge heart; in our IM's you told me about your disorder also about you mental problem and like I said there I still understand; it runs in my family and, thankfully it bypassed me; but I still have compassion for those battling mental illnesses since I do have a few myself

I didn’t know about the ask you got until you mentioned it before I returned, and since mentioned by my best friend that she got one too earlier in the day I already knew who you were talking about

I had just seen it when I got blocked, and I didn’t fully get to read it until this morning when I was finally able to log on, and yes, I privately told you who that anon was because I had told her what a sweet person you were encouraging her to friend you, I have no idea how I lied but it is okay too

I was not here for those hate messages nor was I involved in anything I get too much hate daily when I am here to even dream of sending it but, nobody will believe me except anyone who has ever interacted with me

In your post, you warned people about three of those five people (Again; the ones I know about will not be named)

I only tried to interact once with your Raph; the response was enough to discourage me from ever trying again; you were stressed I got that because of everything going on I can only imagine you felt like it was an attack, I did not want an RP I just needed somebody to talk to that night, and, for once I didn't go directly to private messages as I do with everyone, that was my fault so I deserved the blow up even if I did not know about that RP until you explained. I apologized, profusely because I felt bad for bringing up – it was to talk, something many know I am not good at, I didn’t know the subject would hurt you; we had never interacted but you had offered to interact with me at one time if I needed you and trying to heal I attempted to reach out on the only thing I had seen on your page a long time ago

I don't get to RP for me haven't for a long while now, but I try to make others happy

But I am sorry I made an effort to reach out; you didn't need that

So if you are in the TMNT fandom, please be cautious because I only seem cause problems for the people I care for

You blocked me, you have your reasons, and yes, I do respect them and, after this post, it is in the past; I hope you are doing and getting along well

And guys, I can’t and will not give the name of this person or do it privately because I don’t want them catching any hate, but please, by all means, if you ever find their blog follow them; they are so talented and deserve so much love from this fandom

Lastly, while I will be staying on Tumblr because I do not want to leave any of you, I will be making several changes to my several pages soon to make sure this never happens again and to all my followers; I love you guys, and for that, I will no longer be posting struggles on here anymore even though I only gave you guys a penny in a 10-gallon bucket because I needed comfort that was too much; my problems are my burden, not yours; and I can not say how sorry I am that I ever put that on any of you

Nobody needs to know what their friends are dealing with when we come here to be happy because it is too much to put on anyone not personally dealing with it, so you will only see the sadness in my stories and only see the struggle in my art

My ask box will be open; anon will alternate day to day but, any hate I hope not to see will be deleted immediately; if your face is on the lovely message; you will be blocked right there just like the last 12 people since quarantine started for me in February

Also, while I am still here *this is a scheduled post it is 4 a.m. my time will post, hopefully after I am asleep cause my sleep schedule is grossly off* I do not want ANY hate streaming from this post, I know my followers will not do that to anyone; this is just me getting it out of my system

We are breaking the chain of toxicity right here! We were not meant to be friends in this lifetime but maybe the next

Tumblr, at one point, was always a beautiful, safe place for many of us who needed a way out of our situations; and when I joined in 2014 as a supernatural blog I was run off, then I came back again in 2016 for TMNT and found my family some of us just wanted a place to be us; to not be judged for who we were, it needs to go back to that for all of its members soon.

We have already lost way too many wonderful creators from here let's not lose any more

And if you have noticed a difference in the last three months, mostly pertaining to my writing; I downloaded Grammarly and started taking classes with my old English teacher on ZOOM who, bless her heart, had to deal with my dumbass in school because I suck at punctuality.

I was very self-conscious about admitting that, but somebody reminded me there is no shame in learning something again and I have been working hard

#scheduled #mun will be on later #been up all night with sick kids

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ttlmt · 5 years ago

Note

Could you give us any tips on how to make gifs? Like where do you even start? Yours are so nice! ☺️

thank you so much anon! i am still very new to it, but i can try! first things first you need photoshop. as far as i’m aware there isn’t a way to make gifs without it, but i am open to other possibilities if anyone knows of any alternatives. i guess here is a basic giffing tutorial under the cut...

1. first off you need a clip, the shorter the better. i usually get mine from screenrecording my phone and then using icloud to get it to my computer but there are lots of youtube video downloaders out there.

for this example i’m using the “you’re an idiot” clip from the final google fued vid

2. next you want to open that clip in photoshop, at this point it should look something like this, with the timeline at the bottom.

3. the first thing you’re going to do to it here is crop it, with most gifs i either just do the full thing and crop out the edges or i cut it down to either d or p if it’s just a ~look~ gif and not a text gif. dnp’s videos are 16:9 usually.

4. then you right click on the layer (usually labeled ‘layer 1′ in the layers panel), and select “convert to smart object” this allows you to add filters and such.

5. i always sharpen the gifs first, it makes them look nicer, and that’s under filter . sharpen > sharpen.

6. now’s the fun part! colouring! i know jack about colouring so i mostly just fool around until i like it. this is all under image > adjustments. usually i adjust the brigtness, vibrance, curves, and use selective colour until it’s what i like. mostly i’d suggest just have fun with it, selective colour especially makes your gifs more unique looking

this is what it looks like after i coloured it, this will of course be different every time and different people like different things.

7. now to add text! (if your gif doesn’t have text you can skip to number NUMBER). to add text, you first need to close the video group by clicking the little down arrow next to ‘video group’ in the layers panel

when you’re making your text box, drag it over the whole image so it lines up, this way you don’t have to worry about trying to center it. i usually make mine a little under half of the video.

replace the lorem ipsum with whatever you want to say, it will be hard to read now but we’ll change that later. usually text is in either yellow or white, i use calibri font in italic which is pretty standard. the size depends on the size of your gif, i find usually around 30pt does the trick. i also always do phil’s speaking in yellow and dan’s in white. idk why. then enter the text down until its closer to the bottom and it should look something like this

8. now you’ll want to adjust the text on the timeline, if you’re making multiple gifs this is where you would seperate them. move the text layer in the timeline so it lines up with the end of your clip

if you’re doing multiple gifs, move the text timeline to where you want it to end, and make another text layer next to it for the next gif (sorry this is hard to explain i hope this makes sense, there would be another purple box next to the first one).

9. now that you have your text lined up where you want it to be on the image and the timeline, right click on the text layer in the layers panel and select blending options

once there, select stroke and adjust your settings accordingly. usually stroke is black, on the outside of the text, and mine is usually 2px to 3px depending on the size of the text. you can see what it looks like below.

10. now if you exit that and hit play, you have a beautiful clip. the problem is tumblr is an asshole that hates beautiful clips. if i try to export this now its 7mb which is too big for tumblr, so i will have to resize it. to do that, select the video group again in the layer panel and go to image > image size

i adjust mine using percent, and depending on how big it is i adjust it accordingly. usually 50-80% does the trick, but it depends on how many seconds it is. this gif is 2 seconds long and 70% worked for me.

11. now you are ready to try saving. to save, go to file > export > save for web

when you do that, it will say how many mb it is in the bottom left corner. tumblr will tell you it can take gifs up to 8mb. tumblr is a liar. under 4mb its safest, under 3mb is better. i think you might be able to go up to 5 but idk. resize accordingly like in step 10.

then hit save and you are good to go! a beautiful gif! you’ll get the hang of it in no time, i only started for my week trial of ps in february and then for real in the past like 2 weeks and its already second nature to me. it gets even easier if you set-up actions and shortcuts once you know what you like to do, really the only thing i actually have to do manually now is colouring and typing the captions.

i hope this helps! sorry if i was bad at explaining. giffing is so much fun especially when a new video comes out like its just really exciting idk lol and the phandom loves gifs and im really happy to be able to make them and share them and hopefully people like them. thank you anon!

#i am also by no means qualified to make a tutorial #so if any like seasoned giffers have better ways please be kind lol #ask #anon

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oh-theatre · 5 years ago

Text

Sycamore High: An Ending (Almost) (Chapter 39)

A/N: One more chapter bois!!! Honestly, I love Tommy so much holy jeezus, hopefully, I can remember how to do comedy in the sequel again oop! Anyway, leave me some comments. Also, I love Tommy and Ted and my heart legit can't take how much I love them

summary: Its the last day of finals, and the last day of school. What could go wrong?

words: 3158

warnings: Swearing, negative thoughts, kissing, violence

Edited by: @theyreallidiots (Seriously please go give them some love, they're amazing and I love them with everything I have)

Ao3 Link

Finals Day 3...

“Tommy, right?” Tommy glanced up, his eyes adjusting to the figure standing in front of him. He blinked, realizing how exhausted he was. The library was quiet, huddled in a corner with all his materials and supplies, Tommy was studying.

“Hmm?” He hummed, he didn't really have it in him to speak. The figure chuckled sitting down next to him, Tommy shifted giving him some room. He could see his face better now: his hair was dark and long, it fell to his shoulders in a wavy formation. His face...was boring. Not in a bad way but there wasn't anything special about him. He was cute, sure, but that's about it. Tommy recognizes him from his English class, he sits in the back, he doesn't talk much. He extended his hand towards Tommy. “English class,” Tommy said.

“Yeah” He chuckled again, Tommy hated the way it sounded as if no matter what Tommy said, he would smile and play along. “I’m David,” Tommy nodded shaking his hand, he didn't really have time for this and hoped the conversation would end soon. “I..uh recognized you...from class” He rubbed the nape of his neck, avoiding Tommy’s eyes. His lips curled into a sweet smile or at least an attempt. “You're like...really smart” He complimented. Tommy pressed his lips together swallowing an exasperated sigh.

“Thank you...I’m sorry, I'm really bus-”

“Oh yeah! Totally, sorry...don't let me disturb you” He gestured to Tommy's work. Tommy eyed him but went back to his papers, he tried to work but he could feel Davids intense stare. He put his pencil down looking back up at him. “Sorry, it's just…” David looked him over, his eyes twinkling, his lips in a half-smile. “You’re...really cute” He pushed his hair behind his ears

Tommy’s heart sunk, he was being flirted with, never had he hated a feeling so much. He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. He looked back up at David, his smile as fake as he could make it.

“Thanks! My boyfriend sure thinks so” He chirped, and there it was. David's face fell, his smile disappearing becoming confusion. His eyebrows furrowing, he let out a small laugh.

“He's very lucky, and where might he be?” David looked around expectantly. Seriously? Tommy thought you're still going? He didn't really know how to respond, once his free period was over, he had a final and he really didn't have time for...whatever this was. It was almost selfish of him to wish Ted was here.

“I...I don't know” Tommy admitted. He was probably studying with Charlotte and Emma right now, seeing as they had free periods as well but he couldn't be sure. They used to know where the other was because they were usually together. And sure, some might say that's a bad thing but...it worked for them. And they loved it. They loved each other, Tommy loved him. “You know what? I have to go” But this time, he wasn't running away from someone, he was running towards them. He collected his things, not giving David another look and rushed down the hall and out of school. He was really hoping Ted would be at the coffee shop they always went to, and lo and behold.

Ted sat behind Charlotte fiddling with her while Emma lay strewn across Charlotte's lap reciting something. Tommy could almost laugh had he not been so nervous. Ted looked up noticing him, his eyes actually grew, the pupil dilates when it sees something it likes. Or at least that's what Tommy remembered from class, his mind was a little preoccupied right now. Ted stood, much to Charlotte's disappointment, well, until she saw who he was standing for. Tommy wasted no time, he took Ted’s face and kissed him. Ted was clearly taken aback but melted into the kiss nonetheless, realizing how desperate he was for this moment. Tommy giggled happily, wrapping his own arms around Ted's neck. Charlotte tried really hard but her heart was so full, she squealed Emma tried to stifle it but she was just as happy. Ted pulled away eyeing his friends, they quickly returned to their work shrugging. Tommy cupped Ted’s face pulling him back towards him.

“Hi” He smiled, his heart, much like Charlotte’s, was full. Ted shook his head trying to swallow a smile, he smothered Tommy in more kisses hugging him right after. “I’m so sorry dearest” Tommy whispered in his ear. “How do I make it up to you?” He asked pulling away, Ted shook his head once more.

“You don't ha-” he paused, an idea popped into his head. “Sing with me” He marveled, Tommy laughed slightly. Ted stood his ground however, he didn't budge.

“Oh! You're serious?” Tommy’s eyes grew wide, Ted nodded.

“My parents wanted me to sing at the wedding...and I want you to sing with me” Ted admitted, Tommy forced a squeal squeezing his hands. To be honest? He didn't know if he would be here for the wedding. He wanted to, so badly but his parents were pretty adamant about him leaving as soon as he could. Ted bit his lips, still smiling. “What?” Ted could tell.

“Nothing! I'd love to” he lied, well he would love to but...would he be able to? But no more, he was going to be here for Ted. As long as he could, he just had to convince his parents to let him stay a little bit into summer and it would be fine. “What are we singing?” He asked, his heart still racing from excitement to be back in Ted's arms.

~~~

“Bill Dorris!” The name echoed the auditorium. Ted always felt like this ritual was stupid and would cause low self-esteem for the students but watching Bill, shocked, rushing up to stage to accept the award, Ted felt nothing but pride. He definitely showed it by cheering the loudest. “Congratulations to Mister Dorris for winning the ‘Best Academic Student’ award”. The principal handed the boy the award, Bill was almost crying behind his glasses. He quickly returned to his friends, receiving an abundance of hugs and ruffling of the hair.

“Nicely done, dude” Paul complimented, Bill, smiled up at him. The principal called back attention. They turned to him and shushed.

“Next, as requested by Mr. Hidgens, our drama teacher-” Ted shouted out a single cheer, receiving weird looks but he didn't care. “Thank you, Ted” The principal shook his head at the boy, the school laughed. “As most of you know, the drama finals consist of singing a song, what those students didn't know is that those were auditions” The group stopped smiling and turned to one another, Tommy hid a smile. Those who were interested in the musical but were not apart of the class were asked to audition months ago, just as Tommy had done, his heart sank realizing he would have to pull out. “So, I'm here to formally announce the cast of Starship for next year! The cast is as follows” The list was something so many students had not expected to hear, but they were on the edge of their seats.

“Bug: Ted

Commander Up: Sam

Taz/Bugginton: Emma

Tootsie Noodles/Pincer: Tommy

Mega-Girl: Deb

February: Charlotte

Junior/Veeto Mosquito: Paul

Specs/Neato Mosquito: Alice

Roach/Krayonder: Bill

Overqueen/Sweetheart mosquito: David

The Caller Bug/mister bug: Paul”

Ted’s jaw dropped hearing his name first, Paul was pretty shocked playing so many roles but excited nonetheless. Emma was delighted to hear her name called and getting a kiss on the cheek from Paul was pretty exciting. Charlotte looked to Ted and they shared a knowing look. Guess their chemistry was undeniable, on stage of course. Jackie hugged her, proud of her achievements. Paul shared a look with his sister, nodding at her for finally gaining enough courage to audition. Tommy bit back his lip, trying not to cry. He smiled and nodded at every single one of his friends, and kissed his boyfriend lovingly, but his stomach churned sadly. Bill nodded appropriately and congratulated his friends. David looked up and winked at Tommy who didn't reciprocate anything. Deb smothered her girlfriend in kisses, Alice returned the action. Sam smirked to himself but ultimately was just excited to perform again. They all were, junior year was going to be fun.

~~~

“Ok, kiss, marry, kill” Ted started pointing his fork at Paul. The teen returned the gesture, mocking his friend. “The try guys” He decided, Paul scrunched his eyebrows. Tommy rolls his eyes, returning to his conversation with Bill. The girls sit in their usual spots discussing other things.

“There are four try guys dumbass” Paul noted, Ted smiled coyly.

“Yeah, so double up loser” Ted replied, Paul, shrugged stuffing more salad into his mouth. “Alright, I'll go first. Mmm...id...kill Ned” Paul mocked a gasp, Bill stifled a laugh “Kiss...Zach and marry Eugene and Keith” Tommy turned to him, a smile placed on his face, but curiosity and confusion riddled his face. Ted turned to him, kissing him on the forehead. “Polyamorous baby” He joked, Tommy playfully pushed him off awaiting Paul's answer.

“Ok lame, I’d kiss Zach and Ned, marry Keith and...kill Eugene” He decided, Ted can't even fathom his response. “What? Don't hate me cause im right” Paul defended, Bill turned now facing them.

“Even I know you don't kill Eugene, Paul” Bill commented. Ted gave him a high five, posing a confident ‘told you so’ face to Paul.

“I’d marry Zach” Tommy joined in, munching carefully on his carrots. Ted smiled at him, the tug at his stomach in delight. “That's all, the rest can do as they please” He finished, Ted chuckled softly nodding.

“Ok moving on” Paul continued, he waited for the rest to turn to him but to no avail. “Ted?” He asked impatiently.

“What?” He focused back on Paul, the teen smirked.

“You've never played tuber simulator?” Paul teased, Ted laughed sensibly. Bill and Tommy shared a quick glance.

“Hey, have you seen Joe?” Ted inquired carefully, playing out his part to perfection. Paul raised a brow.

“Whos Joe?” Paul gave in, no one matching the name.

“Joe mama!” Ted cheered victoriously. Paul turned to Emma instantly.

“Just kill me” He requested. Emme stroked his cheek lovingly, turning back to Charlotte and Jackie.

~~~

“You look wonderful, bubbles” Jackie complimented tying up the back of Charlotte's dress. She let her hair down, turning back to her girlfriend.

“I love you!” Charlotte quipped wrapping her arms around Jackie's neck. Jackie giggled kissing Charlotte, moving to her cheek. Charlotte pulled away “Sorry J, I gotta finish getting ready”. Jackie groaned, falling back onto the bed. She finished her braids and slipped her jean jacket on.

“I look like Rosa Diaz” Jackie smiled, admiring the new jacket she made. Charlotte smiled, wrapping her arms around her. She kissed her cheek from behind. “Hmm, can I do your hair?” Charlotte shook her head, tying her own hair up with a ribbon to match her dress. “Oh pretty, nevermind you've got it” Jackie kissed her cheek.

“I'm so excited for dinner!” Charlotte exclaimed putting her earrings in, Jackie helped her with her necklace. “Everyone back together! Tommy! Ted! Paul! Emma! Bill!” She turned to Jackie “You…”

“I love you, bubbles” Jackie kissed her, wrapping her up in a hug. Charlotte squealed as Jackie spun her around. “Oh! We gotta go” And so they did, saying goodbye to her mother and heading out the door.

~~~

“Ok stop stop stop” Tommy chided, he undid Ted’s tie fixing it neatly. Ted pouted kissing Tommy on the forehead, Tommy pulled him closer meeting his lips.

“Oh my god, I missed you” Ted sighed. Tommy chuckled wrapping his arms around his neck. Ted did the same around Tommy's hips. “Hey, after dinner tonight we should take a walk in the park” Ted proposed. Tommy giggled, his head landing on Ted’s chest. “What? I think it would be nice” Tommy looked back up at him.

“It would be pitch dark, and one of us would get killed,” Tommy said honestly, Ted smiled kissing him on the forehead. “I love you but that's just not plausible,” Tommy told the boy, Ted nodded agreeing. Tommy wished he could stay like this forever, and his face showed it. His eyes avoided Teds, his mouth quivered.

“Gumdrop?” Ted asked, the nickname rolling off his tongue easily. Tommy looked up and shook his head, he stood on his tiptoes kissing Ted softly, connecting their lips. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, dearest” He patted Ted’s chest, pulling away and going to the mirror. Ted stood behind him wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. “Ted” Tommy giggled “I have to get ready” Ted moaned, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. Tommy’s heart sank, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay like this forever.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but Jackie just dropped off Tommy’s skirt” Paul poked his head through the door, Ted pulled away beaming. “She said it was done last minute because she wanted to put some more stuff on it” Tommy smiled sadly, he squeezed Ted’s hand nodding a thank you to Paul. He took the skirt looking at it. “Ted, your dads wanna see you” Paul notified before leaving. Ted kissed Tommy on the cheek before leaving. He set the skirt down clutching his chest, he and Jackie had been making this one for a while. It was put on hold for finals and she finished it. But something changed, he didn't want to. He shoved the skirt away putting on an old suit he brought from his house. It fit comfortably, and fine. It was...fine.

“Hey, look at mister fancy pants” Chad declared as Ted emerged from his room. He did a little spin showing off his new suit, he was test running the outfit before the wedding. Tommy emerged after a moment in a suit, Ted furrowed his brows. Paul followed in wearing a suit as well. “Well look at the three of you” Chad took a picture.

“Yes, you all look very dashing” Henry admitted, he handed Chad a drink. Paul smiled, he was really missing home. He talked to his mom every day but he missed his room, his bed, the smell when he got up in the morning. The back and forth with his sister. He loved Ted, and Ted’s house and the professors but it wasn’t home. “I hope you enjoy your night out boys, you two-” Henry pointed to Paul and Ted “Home by eleven, got it?” They nodded, Tommy, intertwined his fingers with Ted.

“I'll make sure of it, doctor Hidgens” Tommy assured, Henry, nodded at the boy. He was excited to see him back, Ted had instantly become happier with him around and it had only been a day. “We should go, we need to pick up Bill” Tommy reminded, Ted and Paul, nodded. They said their goodbyes heading out the door.

~~~

“Emma you look… stunning” Paul breathed as his girlfriend walked through the door of the restaurant. He stood greeting her, kissing her cheek and pulling out a chair for her. She sat next to him, her dress flowing beautifully. “I love you” he confessed, the table silenced laughing. He was clearly head over heels for this girl.

“Thanks, babe” Emma stroked his cheek, kissing it softly. “So...we did it! Sophomore year is over!” She declared, the group cheered happily. She grabbed a menu, skimming through the options. The rest of the group did the same, except Tommy and Ted they shared a look. Emma noticed and looked at them “What’s up you two?” She asked the group looked up at her.

“Tommy just wants to say something” Ted admitted, Tommy swat his arm softly. “What? It’s true” He teased, he kissed his boyfriend's cheek encouragingly.

“Um well… I wasn't planning on telling you all right now, but it’s as good as any I suppose” He looked around the table, he didn't want to bring the mood down but he had to tell them. “I'm leaving next year,” The group burst into a chorus of complaints, Tommy squeezed Ted’s hand. “I'll be back for senior year… I think” I hope “I’m going to a boarding school in France… I don't really have a choice” He explained, Bill put a comforting hand on Ted’s shoulder. “Um… my parents are letting me stay for the wedding but then… I’m leaving as soon as possible” Tommy finished.

“I hate this” Charlotte decided, a murmur of agreement was heard “I hate this so much”

“Look I just wanted to tell you, that's all, can we please move on?” Tommy begged, after more arguing and frustration they agreed to move on. “Ok, how about the musical guys?” Tommy proposed excitement buzzed throughout.

“Ted! Congrats on the playing ‘Bug’!” Charlotte announced, Ted blushed hiding it with his menu “Guess we just are the perfect couple” She joked, the group chuckled. Tommy shot her a playful glare. “I’m kidding, I clearly have the better significant other” She kissed Jackie on the cheek.

“Hey, congrats on Pincer” Bill told Tommy “I know you don't get to play him but it’s still pretty cool” Tommy smiled gratefully. It was pretty cool and he was definitely going to ask Chad about the decision, mostly because he didn't see it himself. Tommy wasn't the type to play a meaningful role, but he supposed that's what acting was. He should take it as a compliment having such a big range. He was excited to return senior year and audition for Falsettos.

The dinner continued, a wonderful way to close off the year. Sharing stories:

“So you and Charlotte kissed?” Tommy almost laughed, Ted nodded shoveling food in his mouth. Charlotte giggled, Jackie, eyed the pair. “I… I have so many questions”

“It was for practice!” Ted defended, Tommy laughed into his shoulder. “I… shut up,” He said burying his face into the food.

Gushing over each other:

“I just love you all so much!” Charlotte announced, Jackie kissed her lovingly on the cheek.

“Oh, ditto that feeling” Paul commented, Emma laughed. They all did that night, down to the last dessert they ate.

Confessions:

“Bud, no matter what, we support you” Ted assured, Bill, smiled at him gratefully. He wiped away his tears, feeling foolish.

“Thank you guys...seriously” He confessed “I don't know how im supposed to tell my dad”

“Your dad is the most supportive person. He wouldn't care if you decided to like...become a murderer as long as you were ok.” Ted joked, Bill chuckled followed by the rest of the group “He’ll love you even if you are aro and ace” Ted's voice became more serious, Bill stood going over to his friend. They shared a hug and it was perfect.

Sadly...the night had to end

Then they went their separate ways. Emma got picked up by her mother, passing out as soon as she stepped into the car. Paul drove Bill home, dropping off Tommy at his house. Paul and Ted headed home sleeping as soon as they got home. Charlotte and Jackie had a sleepover, spending the night watching Barbie movies and playing with Maggie and Token. It was perfect, and the night went perfectly. It wrapped up a weird year that was, in the best way, weirdly perfect. There was a lot they still had to figure out but that's why they still had two years to go. Two years…

#sycamore high #tgwdlmhs #tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #starkid #jon matteson #joey richter #lauren lopez #robert manion #mariah rose faith #jaime lyn beatty #corey dorris #my writing #writing #ao3 #archive of our own

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cassiehaaayes · 5 years ago

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Journey of a Yachtie

I've been in Fort Lauderdale for about 2 weeks and its been very interesting to say the least. Lets jump back to February: I found out about this career in February through an old friend of mine who had been in the industry for 3.5 years. I had seen so much cool stuff of her hanging out on a boat, setting up themed table settings, beautiful platings and every now and again jumping into the ocean to swim with dolphins. I decided I needed to know more, so I began reading, "The Guide to Becoming a Yacht Stewardess". It covered the whole industry, how it works, where to go, what to expect when you're on the job and it really broke expectations down to reality. It isn't all glamour and it is a lot of long hours and hard work. Though, the moments you do get to explore make it totally worth it. After doing my research, I decided this was definitely the next thing for me to try. I had been wanting to try something new, leave Boise and do a bit of exploring. However, I hadn't come across the right thing until then. It was the perfect opportunity to explore the world a bit, make money without expense and hopefully knock out all of my student loans! Now fast-forwarding to today: After that moment, I made the decision to just dive in and commit to this new adventure. As scary as it was, I gave my notice at my job of 2 years, began the process of selling all of my belongings and moved out of my cozy apartment. Leaving my home of the last 17 years was extremely difficult. Having to say goodbye to my friends, my family and especially my wonderful boyfriend was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. This has not been easy and everyday is totally different. I have been welcomed into the crew house with open arms and met some really amazing people. This is industry is definitely full of partying and drinking, as is any service job, really. I already knew what to expect there, but everyone is a lot of fun. Its been a lot to adjust to. Moving to a new city with only my backpack, living out of it, making new friends, living in temporary housing and being so far from home. I just finished my STCW which is a required training course for any yachtie to work on a boat. It consists of emergency training, first aid and firefighting. It was fun and Im excited to start looking for a job. This industry has tons of South Africans! I think the majority of those I have met are South African. I believe they can make far more working on a yacht and being paid in a different currency because their own isnt very strong. I love meeting so many new people, from all different backgrounds and walks of life. I am working on reaching out to crew agencies and making sure that my resume is up to par for job applications, while exploring some areas of Fort Lauderdale. Im looking forward to finding some of the cute cafes and shops around here. I feel like all Ive seen so far is the inside of a bunch of bars. We'll see what I find! Until next time, Cassie

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cryingovernarry · 5 years ago

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i realized i never actually never share anything about me on this website, like, i never really write about stuff thats happened/is happening in my life or about stuff i like and whatever. and like. im the type who’s great at oversharing (shitposting) lmao but apparently never on tumblr i guess?? its not important but yeah i just realized it. ive had this account since april 2012 i think? never made any friends on here tbh i just exist in the background quietly liking or reblogging stuff, and never do anymore than that. and no one will actually care or read this so MIGHT AS WELL am i right ladies and gents and non-binary friends. so heres some good and shitty stuff thats happened in my life

2017 was a good concert year for me i think (please bear with me ive got bad memory) (thx depression) i finally saw ed sheeran (one of the best concerts ive been to even if the people next to us kept talking throughout the whole concert) then i saw shawn mendes (hes baby) i went and saw little mix all by myself (snatched that barricade too!!) it was incredible and i miss them. i was lucky enough to see niall and harry too on their tours and ill never get over that. oh, and niall retweeted one of my tweets so thats something. (im trying to play it cool bc its been over two years it Should Not make me Feel Like This anymore right) i also went to germany in 2016 on december 31st to celebrate new years with my friend who i met through the internet (thanks internet) and i stayed there for a week (shouldve known itd go all downhill after that)

so, while concert-life was on top, my personal life was at bottom and it would only get worse in 2018.

early 2017 my mom started to feel...sick. her body was hurting all the time. she was in so much pain without knowing why. apparently she had some kind of rare blood disease. it all went so...fast. suddenly she was in and out of hospitals, she got worse, the pain even more worse. some days she could barely walk and all she could do was cry. it’s horrible seeing your own mom like that. knowing there was nothing you could do. i did my best though, i moved back home to help her with my siblings becuase their father is a piece of shit who never helped my mom even if she was sick. she was at her lowest and he didnt care and he only made her worse. but i took on the responsibility of taking care of my younger siblings, and mom. as much as i could. while my older sister came home almost every weekend so she could help too. our grandma did her best too. we all tried so much to help mom.

in september my mom called from the hospital. she told me her disease has turned into leukemia. this was the first time i cried with my mom.

she did all kinds of chemo, got isolated at the hospital. wasn’t allowed to go out or sometimes even see her own kids. my sister and i took turns staying with her at the hospital though. i think the longest i stayed with her at the hospital was two weeks straight.

when the results of her last chemo came back the doctor said the cancer hadnt gone down as much as they had hoped. they said my mom could do one last chemo but that was it, if the cancer wasnt gone after that there would be nothing more they could do to help my mom. because her body wouldnt be able to handle anymore. my mom was a fucking fighter, she had no hesitation about it.

she was allowed to come home for christmas and the new years. no one knew it would be our last one with her.

it turned into 2018 and she handled her last chemo pretty well. didnt affect her as much as the others had. she was allowed to come home for the weekend in february. she was so happy to see her kids again. she felt good. but she wasn’t. she really wasn’t. i think that weekend was the worst in my life.

on march 20th, 2018. after a month of being in a coma, she passed away in her sleep. my wonderful mom, who fought to get better for her kids, who had been suffering for a year, finally got to rest. she wasn’t in pain anymore.

seeing your mom taking her last breath really fucks you up in some type of way.

she left six kids behind her.

my mom always supported me going to concerts. she’s a big music fan herself and she knew how much going to concerts meant to me. always got excited when i told her about them, always listened to me. always listened when i played her new songs or albums. two days before her passing i saw harry styles in concert, tickets bought months before. i wasn’t sure i was even going, but i knew mom would’ve wanted to so i did. i wasn’t at my best during that concert, sat down for most of it but i cannot explain how much seeing harry meant to me. he really helped me feeling better for some hours, made me laugh and smile. i’ll always be grateful for that. a month after my moms passing i had tickets for another concert, that was for niall horan. i really didn’t think i would be able to handle it, but i did it for mom. knew she would’ve wanted me to go. my friend was a great distraction, and we also met some lovely people in the line and i was so grateful. i will always be thankful for niall, even if he made me cry during flicker. he really helped me too, without knowing. saw 5sos too after three years at the end of the year, with my childhood best friend who i hadn’t seen in over a year. concerts really is the best medicine. at least for me.

i felt so lost without my mom, i still feel that way. some days i have a hard time believing she’s actually gone. your mom isn’t supposed to die when your’re twenty one. she’s supposed to be there next to you while you’re trying to figure out your life.

i’m gonna be honest with you, i don’t really remember most of 2018. and i don’t think i actually want to remember either.

2019 has been slightly better so far. saw disney on ice (incredible). in april we finally went to london. something my mom had always wanted too, so i took the necklace i got her years ago and brought it with me to london so at least a piece of her would be there too with us.

on the first day my older sister and i saw shawn (hes still baby). we also went to madame tussauds (finally met one direction yall), went on london eye, walked to the buckingham palace. took a bus to warner bros studio tour of harry potter. that was fucking incredible. drank disgusting butterbeer. london felt like a dream.

i still don’t know what to do with my life, i don’t really have any dreams. im currently living with my grandma and she really doesnt want me to move out lmao. and i feel bad for leaving her

so that’s it i guess. hi everyone who hopefully didn’t read any of this. my names amanda and my lifes a mess and all tangled up but that’s okay. thats what everyone says. gotta focus on the good things happening in your life. and don’t take your family and friends for granted. please.

also heres my face ft. my harrys tour tshirt. be nice please. okay bye.

#immediately after writing all of this i got the urge to delete it all #whatever #im also not gonna read through it so mistakes are bound to be made #im exhausted but it felt good to write it down #its rly long and doesnt make any sense so dont read #if u do then thats on you #dunno what i wouldve done without music #and concert #about me #i guess lmao

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interlibraryloan · 7 years ago

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all 200 of the things

200: My crush’s name is: emory and boa 199: I was born in: richmond 198: I am really: gay 197: My cellphone company is: verizon 196: My eye color is: blue 195: My shoe size is: 8-8.5 194: My ring size is: dunno 193: My height is: 5 foot 5 192: I am allergic to: amoxicillin  191: My 1st car was: n/a 190: My 1st job was: babysitting and then i worked at a library 189: Last book you read: dont remember 188: My bed is: far away 187: My pet: no pets 186: My best friend: is gay 185: My favorite shampoo is: nice smelling 184: Xbox or ps3: neither 183: Piggy banks are: cool 182: In my pockets: insulin pump, keys, chapstick 181: On my calendar: hanging out with emory, seeing kimya dawson, seeing the mountain goats 180: Marriage is: complicated 179: Spongebob can: ? make me a krabby patty 178: My mom: is cancelled 177: The last three songs I bought were? i havent bought music in years 176: Last YouTube video watched: "im sensitive aubrey" 175: How many cousins do you have? 4 that i see 174: Do you have any siblings? yep 173: Are your parents divorced? yep 172: Are you taller than your mom? yep 171: Do you play an instrument? nope 170: What did you do yesterday? spent 10 hours in a car[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: meh 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: no 166: Yourself: no 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: undecided 163: Hell: undecided 162: God: undecided 161: Horoscopes: sort of  160: Soul mates: no  159: Ghosts: yes 158: this one was stupid so i deleted it 157: War: kahshdjak no 156: Orbs: yes 155: Magic: yes[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: both 153: Drunk or High: both/either but for different reasons  152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: either as long as the redhead isnt an aquarius 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: winter 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn  146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate  145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: either 142: McDonalds or Burger King: in n out 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate 140: Mac or PC: mac 139: Flip flops or high heels: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and rich. fund my top surgery 137: Coke or Pepsi: diet coke 136: Hillary or Obama: no war criminals 135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: neither unless im drunk 133: Coach or Chanel: i dont know anything abt fashion 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whom? 131: Small town or Big city: big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure 127: East Coast or West Coast: west coast best coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birthday is 13 days before christmas. but my bday 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags 123: Yankees or Red Sox: go sports!![ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: bad 121: George Bush: bad 120: Gay Marriage: the only acceptable kind of marriage  119: The presidential election: fake 118: Abortion: should be legal and easily accessible and free 117: MySpace: bring it back 116: Reality TV: good sometimes 115: Parents: usually bad 114: Back stabbers: can choke  113: Ebay: my friend  112: Facebook: i use it to talk to my partners 111: Work: /: 110: My Neighbors: i dont like when they look at me 109: Gas Prices: too high 108: Designer Clothes: too expensive 107: College: lonely and hard 106: Sports: women's basketball is great 105: My family: is a mess 104: The future: is terrifying[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: today 102: Last time you ate: at like 1 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today 100: Cried in front of someone: today 99: Went to a movie theater: dont remember 98: Took a vacation: winter of my junior year of high school  97: Swam in a pool: hopefully today! 96: Changed a diaper: last august 95: Got my nails done: its been years 94: Went to a wedding: its been years. freshman year of high school93: Broke a bone: 6th grade 92: Got a peircing: february 91: Broke the law: 2 days ago 90: Texted: an hour ago[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: micah's pretty high up there 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: EMORY 87: The last movie I saw: world's greatest dad maybe? 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing emory 85: The thing im not looking forward to: spending this weekend w grieving family members 84: People call me: gay 83: The most difficult thing to do is: be alive 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: sagittarius 80: The first person i talked to today was: my sibling probs 79: First time you had a crush: preschool. his name was noah and he had 2 moms 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: idk i think im p good at hiding stuff from everyone  77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: when me and micah were talking last night 76: Right now I am talking to: emory kinda 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a librarian 74: I have/will get a job: will get a job 73: Tomorrow: im going to a wake 72: Today: i went to a memorial service 71: Next Summer: im gonna sleep 70: Next Weekend: im gonna sleep 69: I have these pets: none 68: The worst sound in the world: glass on chalkboard 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: emory, boa, thistle, benny, micah, indie, mae 65: Last time I cried: today 64: My friends are: great 63: My computer is: good 62: My School: sucks 61: My Car: doesnt exist 60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots 59: The movie I cried at was: unknown 58: Your hair color is: green and brown 57: TV shows you watch: so many 56: Favorite web site: none 55: Your dream vacation: somewhere w a hammock 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: idk 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Well Done 52: My room is: small 51: My favorite celebrity is: dunno 50: Where would you like to be: in my bed 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: emory 46: More guy friends or girl friends: most of my friends r nonbinary so 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: kissing my partners 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: boa And emory 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no 41: Have you pre-named your children: no 40: Last person I got mad at: myself 39: I would like to move to: oregon maybe 38: I wish I was a professional: w**d smoker[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: dark chocolate kit kats 36: Vehicle: n/a 35: President: theyre all bad 34: State visited: i like california and oregon 33: Cellphone provider: n/a 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: n/a 30: Actress: n/a 29: Singer: n/a 28: Band: n/a 27: Clothing store: thrift shops 26: Grocery store: trader joes? maybe? 25: TV show: n/a 24: Movie: n/a 23: Website: im just not gonna answer the rest i dont have favorites of these things  22: Animal: 21: Theme park: 20: Holiday: 19: Sport to watch: 18: Sport to play: 17: Magazine: 16: Book: 15: Day of the week: 14: Beach: 13: Concert attended: 12: Thing to cook: 11: Food: 10: Restaurant: 9: Radio station: 8: Yankee candle scent: 7: Perfume: 6: Flower: 5: Color: 4: Talk show host: 3: Comedian: 2: Dog breed: 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yeah

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suckit-aynrand · 8 years ago

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wow okay.

i just now finally got the guts to softblock my ex’s tumblr after a fucking year and a half.

ive wanted to rant and piss and moan about that whole debacle on here for so long but because she followed me etc. i never did because i didnt want to stir shit up

i shouldve done this a long time ago because every time i saw a post she reblogged i’d feel sick to my stomach and get really depressed tbh.

so now im trying to release all my shitty feelings by writing it out....

she was my first kiss and then she ended it before we were even able to give it a chance even though i’d liked her for over 6 months prior.

she was a fucking bitch though and made me feel so shitty about myself... unfortunately, i have an issue where i need everyone to like me so the more someone doesn’t care about me the harder I try and any drop of affection from them is like a drug.

ok so like she told me she was gay in like february or some shit and i told her I was bi because i was still trying to figure my shit out and then I started developing feelings for her (ie, see above) which i’d never done before because id never opened myself up to thinking about a girl that way and never with guys except for feeling ill....

so yeah, we were friends for a long time and i really liked her that whole time but i was fucking what 19 and had never done anything with anyone and was really nervous about stuff like that and, especially because of her personality where she’d be a total bitch 75% of the time and shoot down anything i said (which id just brush off as a joke or whatever and laugh) so no way in hell was i going to ever fucking make a move and i’d sleep over at her house (she lived at home) and she knew I had no experience and i told her id never even kissed anyone and she’d call me a “spring chicken” and shit because i was such a fucking everything virgin

we spooned once but i was so nervous and freaking out because im bad with touching people in general because i have this huge fear of doing something wrong and being rejected and totally overthing everything??

we also had this stupid bullshit thing about “ymir and krista” from attack on titan- shut the fuck up, i know, but like it was kind an apt metaphor for our personalities and looks (besides height because i was taller than her) so i remember and breaking point in my crush was when there was a “pick ten pictures that represent your aesthetic” on tumblr or whatever so i picked a bunch of pics or whatever and then one that was ymir/krista and i tagged her to do it too (do your sleuthing on your own time fellas) and she ALSO put a ymir/krista pic in hers so i was like HOLY FUCK IS THIS KISMET??? and then got my shit together to admit to my sister that i liked her and was bi (lol... that was a while ago...) and planned to ask her out myself.

anyway, like the next night, and incidentally on the night of the Supermoon in 2015 (when there was an eclipse on the night of the supermoon) i stopped by her job at gamestop when i was at the mall with friends to say hi (which i would do whenever possible... again, i was/am desperate for affection) and she said she was getting off soon and her grandparents were in town and were going to dinner at a place at the mall and would i like to go with so i was like sure so we went and then I went back to her place with her family and we sat outside to watch the supermoon and we were like holding hands and shit because it was cold and it was montana in late september etc. and i was nervous and all but all blushy and excited because of my previous nights shit, and then we eventually moved onto the back porch and she asked me if id want to date and i was like yes and then her homophobic grandparents came out to see if we were still watching the moon or whatever and then we went in to her room where i slept over and when we were looking out the window she kissed me and i was super nervous and blusy so it was like just a quick peck but it was my first kiss and i wanted to do it again but also i was scared to (like... because of her? and i was scared she wouldnt want to?)

so then the next morning i got a ride back to my place by her mom because i had an early class and we kissed (quickly again) before i left and then the next night i slept over at her place again but we didnt kiss at all... after that i would keep texting her and trying to make plans and stuff - i wasnt a student at the time but i lived close to campus so i was always like let me know when youre free and i can come up and meet you for lunch or i can come up and do anything because i wanted to see her and shit and she’d always be like “im busy with work/school/band etc.” so i was just like ok let me know when youre not and id visit her at work when i could but i didnt have a car and she was working and i didnt want to hang out in gamestop or whatever so id just pop in and it was awkward...

id said earlier that i wanted to go to the rocky horror show live that they did downtown so i saved up over $100 to get us tix and dressed all slutty for it (for her but also for rocky) and she wasnt really into it and i was trying to make it fun etc. and i had planned for her to stay the night at my place afterwards because i had an extra mattress under my bed for guests (THAT I LITERALLY ONLY BROUGHT WITH THE SPECIFIC INTENTION OF IT BEING FOR HER) but she said she had to go home or whatever and so i drove her home and walked her in and we kissed (quick kiss again) as i was leaving and then we kissed again, but like a couple little kisses in a row, and i was trying so hard to do it right but i was so nervous and that was all good (except she told me that my fucking MAC LIPSTICK didnt taste good... that fucker....) and then i left and continued to try to meet up with her and then one day she asked me if i was free to come talk to her on campus so i tried to dress up all cute and then she broke up with me.

the break up was so weird too because she was like “ive been too busy to see you, and ive been having a really hard time with my mom lately, and my dads cancer just came back and i want to still be friends and maybe next semester we can try again” and all and she was like crying (like a little bit) so i didnt want to be dramatic and make her feel bad so i tried to keep it light etc. (like i always do because im a fuck) so i was like its all good im so sorry youre having all this shit let me know if i can do anything etc. and then i hung out for a bit to try to make her feel like it was all good (even though i was devastated inside..... im just really awful with my emotions...) and then i left and was in a trance for a few days.... like even though practically nothing happened i didnt know (and still dont know???) what happened???

like....... was it because i wasnt really making any moves??? because i was trying like especially at halloween etc.????? and like she was the one who asked me out?????? like... i was also open about the fact that i’d be moving away the following summer most likely because i was changing schools and whenever i’d bring it up before we were “together” she’d legit like tear up and be like “you cant leave” and shit...?? was that why???? and like this still really gets to me even though it shouldnt and she truly was very hurtful to me in so many ways beyond this bullshit??? i just feel like i expended so much effort on building my relationship with her and never got any reciprication?

like... there were a couple of times the following semester where she’d text me and ask to get together with another friend or whatever and i really really really wanted to say no but that word isnt in my vocabulary because im an anti-confrontational pushover so we would and it would be so weird for me but id really really work to pretend like it wasnt and then i moved.

and i really honestly wanted to message her and be like can you just be open with me about why because i feel like i got no closure and i thought about doing it a bunch but i never did because im a coward and scared of putting other people in situations that might make them uncomfortable because i know how uncomfortable they make me and how much i hate it???? i also thought about asking a mutual friend if he knew anything about it because he was closer with her but i didnt even know if she told any of her friends/family about it because she was super open about being gay but didnt want me to be open about our relationship because, in her words, “they’d say we told you so and we knew” and she wanted to prove them wrong for as long as possible or something?

but now like a year and a half later its sooooo way beside the point and too late so like i cant do it now.... but i havent been in another relationship obviously and like last semester i was getting really unreasonably jealous over her ambiguous snap story about getting ice cream with her girl and how much she loves her even though im more than halfway across the country from her and now ive definitely calmed down and have faced the fact that she was a bitch but like i still feel so stuck with no closure and also am terrified that i’ll never find anyone else? and i also know that its my fault but i wish i knew how much and what i could do better in the future because im terrified of making the same mistakes again and feeling this emptiness?

i wish this were easier. im so sorry for spilling all this shit but ive been bottling it up for so long and have only ever told my sister and even her i didnt tell everything and i feel free now that i wont be seeing her posts anymore and can hopefully let this settle even more....

#my post #textpost #this is just a super long in depth story of my first #quote en quote relationship #and how lost and shitty and confused i feel about it #if anyone has any ideas or intuitions about what the fuck happened please let me know id appreciate it greatly

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mikeyt8024life-blog · 8 years ago

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Red Hot Chili Peppers 2/7/17 TD Garden- Boston

Set: Jam>Can’t Stop, Dani Cali, Zephyr Song, Dark Necessities, Hey, Look Around, Go Robot, Californication, Sick Love, Search and Destroy, Feasting On The Flowers, Suck My Kiss, Could Have Lied, BTWay

E: *Where Everybody Knows Your Name, Goodbye Angels, Give It Away

Today was a very special day for me! Finally, I was fortunate enough to see the boys throw down live. I’ve been excited for shows before but this was a level that built itself up for weeks….months…and years. The last few days saw me completely obsessed with past setlists, shows and band lineups.

Let’s just get this out of the way…Josh Klinghoffer, well done. I’ve read some awful things about him taking John’s place. I was very impressed with his playing and he looks to be settled into his role nicely. These comments probably come from the same people who sit in their seats during a raging Suck My Kiss, like the one late in this evenings set. What a different vibe from other shows I’ve seen in large arenas. I typically see the entire crowd out of their seats, dancing and sending energy back to the band. A live show for me is a chance to release all of the love I have for the band and feel it vibrate through me as they send it back again and again. And get it off with no propeller!

Coming into Boston from Burlington, VT on the same day that the Patriots victory parade was happening was a bit stressful. I made an awesome turn down a one way and started things off with a bang! And a legendary u-turn. Getting into the Garden was a nice change from a wet, slushy, cold New England day in February. Let’s go!

After being treated to original RHCP drummer Jack Irons solo set (wtf??) and a great performance by Trombone Shorty, the lights went down and things started heating up. As always, Chad, Flea and Josh came out and played a quick Jam before Anthony made his way to the deck. Can’t Stop lead things off in strong fashion.

Music being the great communicator that it is, Can’t Stop sent the crowd into a frenzy. I’m all smiles and dance moves at this point, and suddenly astonished to see almost everyone in my section sitting down. I’ve been told to lead by example, so for the next run of songs I get up and jump like I will never be able to again. Dani California is a thumper and very enjoyable, but gone too fast. Only 2 songs in and I’m reeling inside with joy. Is this real life?

Zephyr Song peaks her way out of the light and what a way to finally smell her! I’ve always thought this was a very pretty song. My friend and I share a smile and a nod at a great song choice, he knows it’s on today. The Getaway album drops it’s first player into the 4 slot with Dark Necessities. Ok let’s have that funk drop. DN soars with a bit of light and a touch of dark. The chompers are eating this one up and standing now. They have been playing this a lot and it shows, well executed. Security hastles us and makes us leave our platform area so we go to the next one over. Cat and mouse anyone?

We get settled at our new spot and Hey is up to bat, serving as 1 of only 2 Stadium Arcadium tracks. I’m just learning this and it sounded good from my house. Look Around (only song from Im With You) gets some folks riled up and happy. Another newish song I don’t know well but I send it.

Go Robot is next and is done really well (clap clap). Some additional musicians join the boys for the funky disco groove. The middle section layers itself perfectly, peaking and leading into a release of amazing lyrics in the final verse. “I’m kissing high and low Our bodies like two dominoes Can I come and get you when I hit you in your party clothes Let’s turn this cosplay holiday, what we obey And now we’re welcoming each other to this cabaret”

Thank you, we are glad to be here as well.

Now it’s time for Californication. Alderaan proved it’s close proximity tonight and made me smile at the pop culture references in the song. “Destruction leads to a very rough road, but it also breeds creation” is a very meaningful lyric in my life today. Seemingly, I couldn’t feel the pleasure until I felt the pain. This one hit the spot. Californication finishes and Sick Love snares it’s way into the set. More California dreaming here and the Chompers are filling up on new material. It does taste very good though. A catchy chorus and meaningful lyrics make this song what it is. Another great song from a great new album.

A hard rocking punk rock classic, Search and Destroy pops up next. I am very thirsty now so I take a walk out to the hallways for some water. I’m not crazy about this song but I’m glad the band is feeling it. Feasting On The Flowers is next and was on my want list for this show. I dug deep on this one and made it work. I was expecting a stronger showing in light of how good it is on the album. Especially “the next dimension, show me in” line. If this stays in rotation as much as DN and the like, it will be a great mid show song.

Suck My Kiss, I Could Have Lied, and By The Way. Hook, line and sinker! Great 3 song run. 1, 2, 3 knockout punch with By The Way closing the set. I’m surprised at how quickly that all went. I’d never want to leave the stage if I was playing this music!

The encore was an easy call if you look at setlists. However, Josh comes out with Where Everybody Knows Your Name, the Cheers theme song first. Back to business with Goodbye Angels. This is a great song and they obviously want to keep it for the encore spot. Flea drops thunder at the end of this one almost making Eddie Shores retired jersey drop from the rafters. Give It Away stays in its show closing stance but does not disappoint. A lot of people were freaking out for this song and even danced a bit. Look at us swimming in our ability!

Chad throws drum sticks to the people on the rail and the band waves goodbye and thanks us for sharing in the groove. Good fight, good night, hang it up and see what tomorrow brings….hopefully We Turn Red and Don’t Forget Me!! See ya tomorrow night Funky Monks. Thanks for reading.

-MT

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dreamscript · 8 years ago

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HEY IT ME AGAIN-- LITERALLY SAME I GOT SICK AND LIKE IM STILL COUGHING AND I WANT IT TO STOP. LIKE. RIGHT. NOW. I hope you feel better soon! I can only imagine how bad you're suffering! Make sure to get lots of rest and binge watch Naruto hehehehe// I got sick around Christmas so it's kinda just here// But yeah lol just excuse me late responses (; 7 ; ) and yas girl just embrace you're inner otaku its okay xD (i wanna re-read Naruto actually//) OMG YES PLZ I LOVE YOUR FICS AND-

{CONT} YO HOW DARE YOU WRITE THAT JUNGKOOK FIC IM SHOOKED JKSDFNKJD// LMAO IF THAT AINT ME IN ANY MATH CLASS FUKFFKFKKFKF BUT ITS OKAY YOU CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN YOU! There was freezing rain here a day or so ago. That was fun . u . (sobs) IF YOU COULD TWEEK MY BLOG OMG ID LOVE THAT. But the theme isn’t originally mine and I’d assume the original owner wouldn’t want the original code changed?

{CONT} IDK I wanted to change my theme for a while now // Something not endless scroll but just boxes for previews? Also I wanted a minimalistic theme based with pastel colours and black and white hehe/ ANYWAY NO NO WORRIES SOMETIMES IM JUST HERE WONDERING IF YOONGI SUED BIGHIT FOR DYING HIS HAIR TOO FREQUENTLY AND NOW HE BALD (LOL) BUT YEAH APPARENTLY THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE A COMEBACK IN FEBRUARY AND MY WALLET IS UPSET. I ALSO WANT THE NEW ARMY STICK FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL LOL

{CONT 3 xD} I’ve only read Naruto Manga so if you wanna screech with me about that lets do it ahaha/ HECK YES I WILL READ THEIR FIC- I WILL NOT STUDY JAHAJSDSDKJF Shout out to Cat and Fae too like i seriously love their fics- your Christmas series had me shooked!! Anyways I have so much work to do and so i will bother you later :) - Sakura !

IM HEALED AND BETTER NOW THANK YOU I HOPE YOU’RE FINE NOW TOO??!?! but i remember my doctor telling me once that if you’re still coughing like a month later you should get it checked out or something D:

and oh. my. god.

naruto.

LISTEN I LITERALLY CRY EVERYTIME IT MAKES ME SO EMO. I WATCHED NARUTO THE ROAD TO NINJA MOVIE LIKE TWO NIGHTS AGO AND I CRIED LIKE A BABY WATCHING HIM INTERACT WITH HIS PARENTS AND ALL LIKE D’:: highkey still hated on sasuke though

but yeah no it’s okay! i have super late responses as of late…. and it’s really only because i’ve been too emotionally spent by the end of the day or tired or busy or just “not feeling it”

idk, but i hope to get back into being more active. i miss this place. i miss interacting with others, as little of it i seem to be doing right now (guh _ _)

LOL I HAVE SO MANY SEX SCENES ALREADY PREWRITTEN OUT FOR HTE JUNGKOOK FIC AND SO NOW THAT I’VE GOT THE HARDEST PARTS DONE, IT’S JUST DOWN TO FILLING IN THE PLOT AND SUCH. aaaand that’s kinda hard too, but i think i’ll manage. hopefully.

(help)

dude it was rainy and windy and cold today and i had to go outside and the entire time i was walking/running/dying to class i was thinking a) why b) this was a Mistake

ah well in regards to your theme, usually the theme makers are okay with minor changes (sometimes major ones too) as long as you keep the credit and the changes are for personal use (as opposed to commercial use/redistribution, etc). just to be sure, you can just check their rules. they usually have that whole page/pop up or will simply include it in their theme code.

hmm what do you mean by boxes for previews? i don’t think i’ve ever seen such as thing. it sounds interesting, though. are they previews for like posts or…?

YEAH OMG I’M REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE FEBRUARY IS BOTH MINE AND ALSO @taesthetes‘ BIRTHDAY MONTH SO ITS LIKE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT WOOHOO

thank you for loving our collaboration! i’m still amazed on how quickly we got things put together and everything… honestly… cat and @zephyoongist are so talented i don’t know what i’m doing here :’) (or where i would be without them)

and now finally…

(for the maaaain event)…

okaY OKAY I WILL SCREECH WITH YOU ABOUT NARUTO. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. just under the cut because spoilers:

I’M SUCH AN EMOTIONAL WRECK OVER NARUTO THE ONLY BEST WAY I CAN TRULY EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AT THE MOMENT IS JUST THROUGH BULLET POINTS SO:

i love kakashi

i also love gaara. i can’t choose between the two, but lately i’ve been more biased towards kakashi. i blame it on my sister because she’s always had a thing for him

(i still love you gaara its okay my sand child)

kakashi’s backstory had me in tears… like… with obito died and he’s telling kakashi he’ll give him his sharingan (the sharingan that he’d always been talking about that would get him to hokage) to be his eye to see the future…

i just..

fucking broke down man like dude… stop… you’re killing me here… and then how kakashi really changes afterwards

(okay but listen child kakashi was savage as fuck though and it was hilarious)

(also i know it’s a filler but that one episode in which it showed guy and kakashi comparing dick sizes as kids….,,..,.

….,,..i wasn’t expecting that at all but i don’t mind the info heheheheh heh /dies)

OKAY BUT THEN RIN DIES WHY

literally if she hadn’t died a lot of the issues in naruto wouldn’t have occurred but they fucking did

no i’m not blaming her she died for a noble reason okay it just makes me really sad i’m sorry

AND FINALLY MINATO DIES TOO AND KAKASHI IS THE LAST OF HIS TEAM IM EMO

on a side note minato and kushina were cute as fuck

ANYWAYS GAARA OH MY OH MY GOD MY POOR BABY as a kid he was so cute and just wanted some friends and was out helping all those villagers and such but then his damned dad just had to go and screw those things up like STOP IT HE;S MY CHILD

even though i love those two, my favorites are actually the akatsuki

like. they hate each other but istg they secretly love each other like have you seen kakuzu and hidan’s interactions??? they tease and insult and threaten (and have killed) each other but kakuzu is actually patient with hidan’s rituals and such, and hidan will still accompany kakuzu to the collection centers

also, when he sees asuma’s guardian shinobi thing the first thing that comes to mind is kakuzu and how he’d want him for the money and he’s like u gh but like !!!

and AND when hidan at first thinks he’s accidentally killed kakuzu in his fight with shikamaru & co., he has that look of panic ooooh my god I JUST GASHUDFJSDIJASD

also hidan is just hilarious. like when they go to recruit him he’s like “who are you guys, all wearing the same clothes?? are you guys an orchestra or band or something?”

/points at kakuzu/ bet you play the bass

/points at konan/ bet the girl does vocals and keyboards

/points at itachi/ …or do you do vocals…?

and then the first thing hidan and kakuzu do to each other is kill each other

the look of utter disbelief on both of their faces

“what the–why aren’t you dead?”

“bitch that hurt–wait. why aren’t you dead?”

but anyways we can’t forget about itachi and kisame either, now can we?? like. they are actually like the only partner group that openly got along with each other, and they were sad oh my god they were sad upon realizing each other’s death’s

and idk just the way kisame says “itachi-san” does something to me

i t a c h i

oh boy i have so much to say about this kid

but before i move on i must! address! the others!!

okay so like deidara is actually op as fuck and sometimes idk i feel like he doesnt get enough credit?? idk.

BUT LIKE LISTEN OKAY HE GOES THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS TO SEAL THE ICHIBI AKA SHUKAKU AKA GAARA’S TAILED BEAST and then immediately after decides to take on naruto (and kakashi)

AND HE ONLY HAD ONE ARM AT THE TIME HAVING JUST LOST ONE IN HIS FIGHT WITH GAARA LIKE WHAT IS THIS STAMINA AND HOW DOES HE NOT BLEED OUT THIS KID IS FUCKING AMAZING WHAT THE HELL

and he’s 19 like lol what bye

but anyways, after his “fight” he loses his other arm because kakashi and now he’s armless BUT THIS KID STILL HOLDS HIS OWN though completely on the defense AGAINST TEAM GAI LIKE WHAT THE FUCK HE’S AMAZING and then he manages to create a bomb without using any sort of handseals and fools them all into thinking he’s dead

i love this boy give him a metal why did he have to die so early why (yet another reason why i dislike sasuke lmfao)

black zetsu scares the fuck out of me (esp when i learned of his true past and intentions) but white zetsu!! he’s such a sweetie holy shit

I JUST REALLY LIKED THAT TIME WHEN HE BURSTS INTO THE 5 KAGE SUMMIT AND HE’S LIKE “HALLLLOOO!!!!!!” WITH THE ARMS AND EVERYTHING DAW OMG

and also unlike so many others he actually likes everyone and when he saves deidara he’s like “you’re a fun guy to be around” and then and then later when he’s talking to tobi he reveals that he’s sad that so many of the akatsuki members died like D::

let’s not forget when black zetsu called him weak (they had split in two at the time) and white zetsu just kind of D: and wilts a little like ooHH NO oo baby it’s okay it’s okay

ahem

konan is so strong… holy crap… like… her ultimate attack? with the bajillion paper explosive tags disguised as a lake?? that go off for 10 minutes? holy fuck.

yahiko’s pretty damn hot if you ask me (yes i know he’s a cadaver in the main time period but listen)

idk my favorite arc of the entire thing was pain’s invasion of konoha… like from the moment jiraiya’s message arrived to when everyone got revived…. and then kakashi almost became hokage…

it was fantastic

i think it’s mainly because it was a mystery, race against time, battle thing all in one and it was so neat i guess

also you could see everyone in the village working together, fighting their hardest, showing their potentials for like, the first time ever

um um um okay sasori mentally scarred me as a child, and now whenever i hear the rattling puppet noises i immediately think of these scary nightmares i had after watching his fight with sakura… yeah, puppets scare me a lot now

orochimaru is a creep ‘nuff said moving on

tobi! i love this alternate ego of obito/”madara” like idk he’s so jumpy and honestly it’s fucking hilarious watching him because he’s so secretly op certain people underestimate him at first (and then others overestimate him because of his association with akatsuki)

like. when he was warding off konoha from itachi vs sasuke’s fight (which i am still emo about) he was just like playing whack-a-mole with them and then he’s like lemme use this ability! frill-necked lizard!

and they all kinda stand and stare at him intensely execting something legit

but in reality that’s it. the extent of htat ability is just him hanging upside down with the cloack falling behind him to look like a frill-necked lizard

and it’s fucking hilarious

i also thought it was fucking adorable when he and deidara first confront sasuke

and the little bitch goes ahead and slices through him

literally through him

and HE MAKES THE MOST ADORABLE NOISE BEFORE FALLING FLAT ON HIS FACE GAH

but sasuke thinks that he actually killed him and sasuke’s all like “one down”

and deidara just kinda

ugh this kid

and tobi gets up and brushes himself off like wow that was rly fast!!! and sasuke just >:/

URM OKAY ENOUGH ABOUT THE AKATSUKI MEMBERS

sorry i thought i should make this clear but i lowkey highkey have this vendetta thing against sasuke like this little shit

i mean ofc i know the reason for his disillusionment really isn’t all his fault like @ itachi really?

like really when he goes back to konoha and sasuke tries to kill him… he goes and easily breaks his wrist

and he kinda just considers him for a moment like

…hm

how about i….. make his situation even worse…?

and then traps him in a genjutsu that forces him to relive their parents death for 24 hours like why the fuck this is literally all your fault

and also on a side note, fuck danzo. why the fuck did the 3rd not kill him when he was supposed to. why. all the wrong people lived for far too long.

anyways

but yeah no idk i just really don’t like sasuke after he defected and became a Vengeful Teen

AND ITACHI’S STORY MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME HOLY SHIT IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHY DID THIS BOY HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH and then mess up his little brother’s psyche to the point in which he starts killing like everyone wtf

AHEM

another favorite moment arc of mine is the very beginning

like the first 15ish episodes

IRUKA SENSEI

he’s such a blessing. he’s literally one of those crucially important side characters and i appreciate him and i love him and it would’ve been nice to see more of him, but hey, that’s okay too.

(his part in the naruto road to ninja movie had me in tears. like at the end. fucking tears.)

like naruto and kakashi may be super close and stuff, but when he needs someone as a guardian, naruto turns to iruka and idk i feel that says a lot about their relationship and it makes me cry all the fucking time

um anyways yes i also love zabuza

he’s so strong and empowered

AND THAT WHOLE ARC MADE ME CRY A LOT TOO AND THE FACT THAT IT BECOMES SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE STORY MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY

i have a lot more the say probably but it’s getting late and i need to take a shower and sleep and get up early in the morning to make food so i’ll just leave it at that

(i wrote a lot i know i’m sorry)

(hope i didn’t blow you away with any spoilers D:)

#my naruto gushing got a bit out of hand but i regret nothing #also when i say i cry #I ACTUALLY CRY #LIKE FULL ON CRYING #I NOW HAVE A BOX OF TISSUES ON MY DESK BECAUSE OF THIS #replies #love people #polarbearchan

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"affordable child health insurance in florida

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