#im mostly just posting this to motivate myself to work on these and finish them faster

[leaf4e]

textures i did today

[uriekukistan]

Fanfic Writer Interview

thank you @alonelystargazer for tagging me!

no pressure tags @earthtodora @sunnyyflowerrs @kentuckyfriedmegumi and @kat-likes-writing !!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

counting the ones i moved to "anonymous" i have 36 for 3 fandoms

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Family is Embarrassing

Dancing With a Stranger

summer lovin'

koi no yokan

honey and lavender

all itafushi. i write other fandoms/ships sometimes but yeah im mostly known for itafushi. if i can even call myself known.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

okay so i DO but im just really slow right now because of uni. like i have 100+ comments stacked up im so sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass. but usually i try to bc i like to let readers know that i appreciate the support <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

....this is hard i have a few that are pretty bad. the one that hurts me the most is right where you left me (ghost au)....idk it's like sad and happy. they both sortaaa get what they need but also like they dont get to be together, and i think (hope) it was obvious from the start that a happy ending wasn't on the table for them

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

contrary to popular belief i write a lot of happy endings!!!!!! i want to say koi no yokan even though it's not out yet, not because it has the objectively happiest ending, but because the whole thing is so angsty and a lot of people have said they doubt that i'll actually give a happy ending. and i will! anyway, i'd say its the happiest because its like. relieving at the end. without giving too much away.

Do you write crossovers?

i don't think i'd write a crossover in the traditional sense where characters from two medias interact, but i've written au's where i put the characters from x show into the universe from y show. that's probably as close as i'll get to a crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

four times...ngl i was a bit confused abt one bc it felt like they hadn't read the fic, one time they just hated the ship and took it out on the fic, and the other was recent......that once kinda upset me bc of the second ask they sent.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

uh. hm. i have. i'm very shy abt it so i would never post it in a way that'd tie back to me, and only a few ppl actually know abt the details.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i've seen.........but im also chronically offline these days

Have you ever had a fic translated?

also no, but i do frequently get comments in spanish which is cool

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

tbh i think it'd be fun, but i'm also so particular abt my process that i think it'd frustrate the other person. however....there would potentially be a few ppl i'd be interested in writing with. but once again, i'm shy

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

itafushi ofc. my number one forever, i don't think a singular ship has ever grabbed me by the throat like this before

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

sigh theres so many. i recently published a new fic and i'm like not even feeling motivated to write the next two chapters......i feel bad abt that bc i did already share it. this is why i need to write all if not most of the multichapter before i share it. most of the things i have rn are just ideas tho bc i havent had time to write much that's new

What are your writing strengths?

oh god......um i think i do a good job creating an emotional atmosphere and taking the reader inside the pov character's head

What are your writing weaknesses?

description for sure. i'm just not good with visual things, whether its art or descriptions in writing. i'm also not observant which doesn't help like i couldn't tell you anything about what's happening around me right now which is Not Good. either way it hinders my writing fs. also i think sometimes i struggle w pacing and characterization. and dialogue. um. honestly i think i have a lot of weaknesses, i'm not the fondest of my own writing unfortunately.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hm. i think it has a place ig, but personally i would never do it, despite the fact that i'm trilingual and definitely have the capacity to.

also this is an unpopular opinion, and i think it comes from my time studying japanese in university, but when i see like "gojo-sensei," or "itadori-kun" type things, it does make me cringe a bit. like i know that is what they are saying but like if i did that in class it would be marked wrong so i've just been trained to read it as incorrect.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

ngl rn im only interested in writing for itafushi. i would like to write more for tokyo ghoul soon though

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

at this present moment.....right where you left me. there is also a budding au in my drive that i'm quite fond of but i'm waiting to share more details on that

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi, writing motivation anon! 🩵

i am talking about fanfic, yeah! i dont think all the self help books in the world would help me with original fiction lol its just really frustrating because if i dont force myself, at least a little bit, i will literally never write anything, even though i want to so, so badly. if i dont want to do something nothing in the world can get me to without like immediate and detrimental consequences if i dont do it, even when they're things i do actually want to do? i have so many plots just collecting dust and its killing me not being able to do anything with them, and the thought of giving them away gives me major ick, but i just cant bring myself to actually write a sentence of any of it anymore.

i used to do a lot of partner writing and it is fun but i get a little too distracted to be productive with it, not to mention my social circle is practically non existent at this point. ive done the work on forming good habits and bettering my environment and working on my mental state and while its definitely improved a lot of other parts of my life (which i am not complaining about even though i kind of want to just to do it - taking actual care of yourself, it actually works. who would have thought? crazy), it hasn't penetrated the motivation wall yet.

i think one of my main issues is the perfectionism. i think its mostly subconscious because i dont really realize what im doing until trying to write becomes too frustrating to keep trying. ive never been good at rough drafts and fine tuning and reworking, like if its not to subconscious perfect standards i cant move on until it is or i give up entirely. im not sure how to get over that. its like if its not done right the first try, i immediately feel like its a failure and a worthless endeavor that isn't worth the effort. i think a lot that has to do with other people's perception of my work as well, like its totally fine (not really) for me to have an unfinished doc sitting around that only i can see and wallow over, but if i power through, finish it, and post it than suddenly its out there for so many people to pick apart and see where i, and the fic, am lacking. its scary, i don't know how i used to put myself out there like that before.

sorry this got really long winded really quickly. i wish my yapping capabilities would extend to writing, but unfortunately its a talent only useful in terrorizing fellow humans with walls of words. absolutely tell me to fuck off if im babbling entirely too much for you lol

Hi!!

I completely understand the perfectionism thing. Have you tried writing microfics? Sometimes I find them easier, especially when I’m stuck, because they’re small and less to take on at once, you know?

Sending you all the good writing vibes!

[eomma-jpeg]

for the ask game, sorry if these have already been asked!

8, 10, 14, 17, 25, 27+28 :)

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

i already answered this, but what a shame! it is my college au and this first "book" is gonna be about the vashmeryl relationship coming to fruition, and the sequel will be them working through some loooong time trauma and issues, but together !

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

oh months, certainly. i have wips and drafts rn that are just sitting.... waiting for me to return LOL

i try to go back and finish the chunks i have and not leave them like,,, halfway done, but i do have a vashmeryl wip i started.... over a year ago? and still have not finished it lol

14. where do you get your inspiration?

honestly from other media i watch. i'm currently planning out a trigun dancer au and i was motivated because of Strictly Ballroom, a silly Baz Lurhman movie (please watch it the romance is so cute and it takes itself so seriously)

also from my friends !!! @squid789 is such a good person to bounce ideas off of and has inspired (i stole her ideas) a few aus

17. talk about your writing and editing process

so... ideally i do what i did for in the meadow where I wrote and wrote and wrote,,, and then just constantly went over chapters with edits and rewrites until it was time to post.

with itm i was always at least 3 chapters ahead and had the time to go back and check through chapters, make sure everything flowed well, ensure continuity... but with my newer works it hasn't been like that.

I have good grammar and spelling in general and i also use The Internet to write on so it gets spell checked, but i don't take nearly as much time to edit my work as i'd like to anymore

im a sleepy teacher who just wants to post her fanfiction T-T

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

alright!

so i love doing embroidery. im currently working on a cross stitch project that has been very relaxing

i love to sing. i cannot express to yall how much i love singing. it is seriously my favorite thing to do. i love music and expressing my feelings through song. i lovvvvvvvvvvve to sing (im pretty good too hehe)

i sew and draw (SOMETIMES) and i cook. i do a lot of things! i love to explore just various arts and crafts

27. your favorite part of the writing process

i just love creating. i love putting ideas on the page and getting the content that i want... because i love the writing of others (and i do apologize) but there is always something that isn't for me

but thats because it wasn't written for me!! it was written for the author

and thats why i write,,,, because i want something specific

and i love romance and it gives me the power to make my blorbos kiss >:)

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

putting the ideas on the page T-T

im a bit stuck right now with what a shame mostly because i keep doubting myself WHOOPS

but its so hard when i cant decide with idea will be best

IMPORTANT LACE ADVICE: it doesn't matter what idea you get down, just get something down. once you have something down, you can change it or decide if you even still want it. the hurdle is getting the idea down!

thanks goo !!!!

[kagender]

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in (if any that is)

OH! trust me, theres many. mostly animations, because theyre a LOOOONG process if i wanna do anything longer than a few seconds lol. a recent one (that isnt an animation) was a one-person zine project i wanted to do, based on this fake magazine cover i drew!

i had 4 pages done (although 2 i planned to rewrite because i was not too happy with the text i did initally), the flesh clinger pages i posted a few months ago being 2 of them! i also had rough ideas for 4 other pages that never really got past that thumbnail sketch phase, LOOK how cute this little tadpole is

my progress did go beyond the digital art world though, since i also bought 2 different types of printing paper (one for the covers and one for the actual pages) because i really wanted to have a personal physical copy for myself. i even did a test print of the cover, which turned out pretty neat, but unfortunately i didnt wait for the ink to properly dry and got my fingerprints all over it 😆 the reason why the project kinda fizzled out is because of other stuff getting in the way, this was a big undertaking and probably wouldve taken a month+ to finish, and im the kind of person who likes to do other stuff inbetween, not to mention commissions! so i got to work on it less and less until i just didnt have motivation for it anymore. i still want to make a zine someday. itd be a really cool physical thing to show off to peers. i just need ALL THAT TIME!

[miupow]

hi lia! i'm thinking about that ask you sent me abt me being a sfw blog, and i read some of your old posts to try to get to know you better and i saw some things about you wanting to write sfw more + you not being sure if people want it from you :( i hope you don't mind that i share my thoughts as a sfw writer?

first of all there's no shame in being a nsfw blog at all! personally it's not my cup of tea but from the things i saw while scrolling through your blog, a lot of people clearly admire your writing which is really cool! writing good smut is also a skill!

second: i hate to admit it but yeah it's true that sfw seems to have a smaller audience here, it did take me a long time to grow my sfw blog. that said, i personally believe in "if you build it, they will come" - there are people out there who read and enjoy sfw and will gravitate towards sfw work, you just have to put it out there for them to discover! and it's definitely a quality over quantity thing. even if there are fewer readers, some of them will enjoy your writing enough to interact and gush about it. i've definitely been surprised by people in my inbox or replies who talk about loving my writing style esp if they were lurkers 🥺

so yeah! no pressure to write sfw if you don't feel like it ofc, but i hope you find the people who will love what you write <3 --bhj 🖤

hiii bhj!! 💗💗 thank you for stopping by and scrolling thru my blog even though ur not big on the content i write, i really appreciate it!! pls don’t ever be hesitant to interact or share your thoughts as a sfw only blog, i love hearing different opinions from different perspectives <3

one of the main reasons i’m mostly a nsfw blog is because i just find nsfw content easier to write, it comes more naturally to me i suppose? i also maintain better motivation to finish nsfw works over sfw ones

yeah, one of my insecurities about my blog is over how much nsfw content i write— i love sfw content and i’d love to write more of it, but between not being the best sfw writer and how most of my followers are here for my smut exclusively… a lot of my mutuals have told me smut writing is a skill, but i just wish i was a better writer overall. im starting to focus on writing whatever i want though, so im focusing on putting out more sfw works in the future (actually working on a beomgyu fluff rn!)

one thing i have noticed about sfw blogs is that they retain followers more than nsfw blogs. they get more asks that aren’t just requests and more interactions about their work and their lives as a whole. a lot of nsfw readers seem to hold some kind of secrecy or shame about it, so they either won’t interact off of anon or won’t interact at all. it’s disheartening, i feel like my followers are embarrassed to be following me. plus we get so much more hate than sfw blogs.. i’ve been told to kms or deactivate MULTIPLE times

i would be lying if i said i write for myself though. i write for the people who show me endless love and support and who keep me on this hellsite regardless of all of the shit it’s put me through lol. but i’m trying to focus on myself more, work more on what makes me happy.

thank you for stopping by 💗

[fairestar]

the ending of your lie in april.. </3 hold on, howl's moving castle is a BOOK? WHAT? also, your name is made by makoto shinkai!!! i recommend suzume, weathering with you, 5 cm per second by him! :D dragon ball z and naruto is nostalgic, and my love story with yamada-kun at lv999 looks so cute, i just added it to my list!! to answer your question, i like 'darker' animanga :) like jjk, akira, ergo proxy, oyasumi punpun, aot, tomie… but i also love shoujo a lot! i really liked nana recently. I CANNOT CHOOSE FAVOURITES UNFORTUNATELY 😭 maybe naruto, pokémon (ahem you are definitely eevee in my head), or spirited away since those were my "firsts"? ANYWHO, sorry for the my wall of texts but i hope you enjoy my spam eheh very excited for your new post <3

YES! is a book of the same name written by diana wynne jones (one of my favourite books), it is very lovely and brings so much comfort, but it's very different from the movie. i remember i once read someone say the movie is how howl tells the story and the book is how sophie tells it, and that is just so accurate. it's the only occurrence when im happy the movie adaptation doesn't follow the book because it's so nice that we got such different tellings of the same story. and im always thankful to hayao miyazaki for making howl such a loveable character because book!howl isn't as dreamy. aaa, if your name is by makoto shinkai then im sure i will like his other work. i think of that movie often, it had such an impact.

im also more into more complex animanga, im currently watching death note and im surprised at how much i like it, even though light is so irritating. and i am loving jjk, ive just caught up with the manga (let's not talk about it...) and the anime is sooooooo good (the opening???? one of the best ive seen), im so excited for the shibuya incident arc to develop. although i must say that the first season felt like a combination of naruto and bleach (which i have yet to finish but i haven't been too motivated to do so because it is awfully repetitive, worse than naruto when it comes to the flashbacks). and about aot, ive tried watching it countless times but i just can't get into it, but i want to because i feel like im missing out on something good! although because it's so known i think i know about something that happens with eren and it's such a turn down to start watching it while knowing that (if what i know is accurate, but i dont want to make sure because that'd only make it worse).

ive only watched maybe like three pokémon chapters and all of them from different seasons, mostly because of landing on cartoon network when zapping as it was being broadcast so i can't say much about it but i just looked up eevee and it's so cute! i could see myself as it hahah.

and don't worry, i loved your texts! you are one funny individual and im glad we share this many interests!

[deadwriter16]

so im also a minor and i love ur fics but i have to ask how do u have the modivation to update. im writing smth rn and its so hard to have modivation to update so do u have any tips?

hi! tysm im glad u like my fics!!

and regarding motivation honestly a lot of the time i simply don't have the motivation to write, but I've found some ways to fix that (kind of) that personally work for me.

when i first started writing fic a couple years ago i had way more free time so a lot more writing time, and i was motivated by all the fresh ideas i had and my excitement to write. however i do tend to get bored by longer stories the more i write them which is why i mostly stick to oneshots or shorter works because an idea that used to excite me starts getting boring after a few chapters.

with my current busy ass schedule ive been slowly but steadily working on this chatfic, because it's easy, stress free, and short. i can write one chapter in 30 minutes to an hour and post it right after, so it makes for an easy way to keep writing fic even while im busy. i just find chatfics overall very low effort so that helps me w motivation

my biggest tip for motivation would be: if something you used to actually want to sit down and write starts feeling like a chore because you feel like you have to update regularly or soon, stop writing it. fic is supposed to fun and an escape from stress, not a cause of it. so if writing something isn't really fun anymore, stop writing it. your readers may be disappointed but they'll understand because we all have our own important lives and feelings. and if someone doesn't understand then they don't deserve to read ur fics anyway

when you do enjoy writing but you just have a hard time finding the motivation to update, something did with my longfics was always have a backlog of chapters. for my long 70ishK fic i used to be about two chapters ahead, so i would post chapter 10 right after finishing chapter 12. doing that makes it easier to update knowing that you have a safety cushion if life gets busy or you get tired.

sometimes when i havent updated in a while i just have to kinda sit myself down and force myself to do it honestly. not in a bad way though, just in more of a i want to do this but i keep Not Doing It but i have some free time now and im going to use it to write. and i just clear up that free time and make it writing time and just do it. motivation is really hard sometimes so idk how helpful my tips will be at all because i certainly haven't mastered motivation so

anyway i hope this was at least like a little bit helpful, pls lmk if it was and sorry if it wasn't lol. anyway thanks again for reading my fics :)

[mothervvoid]

For the writing ask, 10, 22, 43, and 99! 🧡

for this meme

thanks for the sneak peak at the new bit you wrote for abandon, btw, i loved it! i've said this already so many times before but the way you write obito's dialogue... :chef's kiss: it's just amazing dude.

at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

because of just the sheer amount of failed projects i've had in the past (mostly bcos i started writing fic when i was in middle school and thus very bad at planning) i still associate naming things before they're finished to be bad luck. because of this, most of my fics are named right as i'm about to post! notable exceptions to this include Dogteeth, call me what you like and do it again; and do it again is actually a title i stole from a project i ended up abandoning!! (the concepts are similar tho).

it's kinda hard for me to come up with titles for fics im writing at present bcos i REFUSE to name most of them until they're finished. so then i'll just sit at the post box and glare at it bcos now i have a finished fic and no name. i've got a list in my notes app full of potential titles i think up for this very reason but sometimes none of them fit. and then there's times where i come up with the perfect title! once in a blue moon occurrence though.

describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

okay so, the process:

step one: come up with scenario. typically smth i want to see that i haven't seen yet. or it is something i've already seen i just want to do it myself.

step two: daydream about it. come up with a few vague scenes. i often imagine my fics as movie trailers funnily enough.

step three: keep daydreaming. there's a lot of daydreaming involved in my process unfortunately, about 70% of it is daydreaming and then translating that daydream onto paper. i think in both pictures and words so this is, thankfully, usually easy for me. during step three we've moved past vague scenes and have started fleshing out the meat of the really important scenes and have started on the connective tissue between, like motivations and how everyone got there to begin with.

step four: actually writing. typically this happens after a period of procrastination where i start writing it in my head, and then i write and rewrite it over and over again until i like it. (< this is the part of the process where my unfinished projects will usually die because i will start writing and then become daunted by the enormity of the story i've dreamt up. longfics scare me! there's a reason why even my chaptered fics are short. this is something i'm slowly outgrowing.)

and that's it!

how did writing change you?

it's given me a lot of questionable knowledge on subjects i am not majoring in.

but if i'm being honest? i think writing has helped me through some pretty dark times in my life. the pandemic ruined my mental health, and there's a fic i wrote from 2019 (it's batman & rhato related) where that really shows. i figured out i could express myself through writing and i just kinda ran with it lmao.

i also think it's made me better at expressing myself period tbh.

was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby? 

i didn't really think about being a writer when i was a kid, i was very much your stereotypical child, i wanted to be a movie star or a singer. then i got older and it sort of sprung up on me--i see this as more of a hobby than a career though. i've toyed with the idea of writing something and trying to get it published, but i'm a little soured on the idea because so many members of my family keep pushing me to monetize something that's been a beloved hobby of mine for years, something i really don't want to turn into work, yk?

[sulfurous-sanatorium]

coronation ( the great leap from every other social media to tumblr :( )

-> recently (as in the past year or two), i have been very invested in creating a tumblr blog to post about my thoughts, feelings, and creative works anonymously. i've never done anything of the sorts before but i've found myself thinking a lot more recently, for the better mostly. i think, more than anything, i want to use this account to regress and talk about/display interests that i have trouble talking about with friends and family. i'm going to try to steer away from copious amounts of venting on this account because venting impacts my mood negatively when i do it too much.

-> when i say regress, i don't mean age regressing (somewhat, i do but it's hard to describe because it's not traditional age regressing i don't think) i don't want to be seen or treated as younger or a little by anyone. when i feel 'regressed,' i don't act childlike, i just retreat back into my interests from when i was younger. i am not very knowledgeable on the age regression community and the different types of regression, and i don't see myself as an age regressor, but i acknowledge that i portray traits that may be of something similar. for the past year or so, i have gone back to three major 'pre-covid' interests, mostly interests that i had when i was in elementary school or in early middle school. this may be because i am going into college next year, and i've procrastinated a lot of my college work until the last minute (the majority of the colleges i'm applying to i have to submit applications for in less than a month, and i didn't apply for early decision/action on any of my top schools. exploding. retract the venting statement from earlier because of this aside.) which has caused me to become verklempt, primarily with nostalgia. i think back to these simpler times frequently, and they make me want to relive them, so i indulge myself in projects and interests that many of my peers would consider childish, or interests my peers would laugh at me for.

-> for example, in elementary and middle school i made a lot of stories and projects using gacha (which is outside of the three major interests, but still an interest a lot of people i know can relate to lol). i never used gacha to create anything inappropriate, as gacha heat and anything of the sorts always repulsed me (i know a scary amount of people did make gacha heat... which is why im specifying this...), but i would use it as a medium to tell and create stories as (until recently) i lacked any drive to create artwork, and since i thought i lacked talent, i felt even less motivated to draw. gacha was easy, i could create a character using a myriad of assets and create almost anything i could imagine or want to create, especially since i fancied photo editing and occasionally video editing so i could edit the characters into scenes beyond the backdrops that gacha offered. i also loved, and still do love, story creation, and gacha proved to be a great medium for any story i wanted to create. although i didn't make any finished products using gacha, i still started and created a few productions that i shared with my friends at the time. all of these friends have outgrown gacha ( :( ) by the time i got into high school, however, i quit using gacha because it was considered 'cringe,' not just by people online but by my friends, and our 'gacha phases' became a joke in our friend group. and to be fair, my friends and i both dropped some utter shiet during the gacha phase of 2020-2021.

-> yet, recently, i downloaded gacha life 2 and i was beyond invested in the character editor. i went back and created a lot of my old ocs from 2020/2021 (i'm still working on many) and newer ocs from after my gacha phase. i also made some new characters, although i found more comfort and intrigue going back and remastering characters that i loved from when i was younger. it made me miss the era where i could be 'cringe and free,' a sentiment i think a lot of people around me share but are too afraid to state it, because we all judge. there will always be oddities that give us the 'ick,' it is hardwired into our brains to get an ick feeling when we perceive something as odd or unnatural. i judge my friends when they say/like something that gives me an ick that is otherwise harmless, i just perceive it as odd, and i make fun of them for it. that hypocrisy is my least favorite trait about myself. i don't even know why i do it, especially because i was taught to always treat people with open arms and without judgement. which is ironic, because my parents that taught me these lessons are also infinitely more judgmental than i am xd. my major theory is that it helps me feel better for my oddities and insecurities, but when that judgement is reciprocated, i get very defensive and embarrassed. thankfully, i've recently become more open to criticism and judgement, because i see it as a means to grow rather than people believing i am horrible at writing or that people are out to get me, especially friends. ( :D )

-> anywho, back to the topic of gacha, i have been interested in creating a project or story while using gacha as a means to tell a story. it wouldn't be anything serious, nothing i'd give to colleges, but just a fun project i could make and post that'll help comfort me. i'm picturing the story as a simple fantasy adventure, just because that's what interests me the most. i would probably go back and use some of my old characters, but also incorporate new characters. i might use this account to post about my ocs (new and old), but i don't want that to give away my identity 😬 yikes! my idea is to create a project that my younger self would be proud of, a project i could imagine them working on with me that they'd be invested in. i dunno, i'm looking for a location where i can display my interests without fearing judgement from the people i know personally. as im writing this im starting to get tired and hungry so im gonna conclude this soliloquy and get some sleep :)

[chickenshitcowboy]

ive been really struggling lately

venting post under the cut, tldr; im stressed n depress

after getting laid of early this season with next to zero prospects at getting another job next season, and feeling extra hopeless after the election because that means even more budget cuts to federal agencies and therefore less likelihood that i'll get a job nearby. I dont want to travel as much as private companies expect.. plus theyd only hire me on call and that has no stability and i hate that. plus i dont trust them since the last one i worked for let me get shot at and just offered the phone number to company counselling.

school has been stressful now that ive been laid off and dont have regular access to the resources that my work provided that took some of the stress off of forming my thesis.

we moved to a new rental property a week and a half ago and before then i was in such a limbo.. i still am. packing seemed stressful but i kind of got it done between freaking out about school and being sad that i dont have structure anymore from my job and also taking a week break to go to LA to meet my family for Disneyland

now that we've fully moved and things are finishing coming together im mad that i havent emerged from the limbo that i think i realize now was my depression coming back.. unless i have a super structured routine and frequent social interaction i just fall apart.. i promised myself this summer that i wouldnt let this happen but i made excuses for putting of forming a routine for myself for the offseason because of the move and the trip and now keep putting it off because im so behind on schoolwork because i dont have that routine and i dont have the motivation to just get it done most days.. im so behind im afraid to take time to try and get on a routine of going out and going to the gym etc because then ill be even more behind. and im scared that im going to fail this semester and lose even more money

also i just got a letter that my health insurance is going to be suspended and theyre puttingme on MediCal since apparently if my income is zero I dont qualify for my current plan...? and i have no idea how thats going to affect by medication

not to sound like every other troubled tumblr user but goddamn i just need to get it out somewhere rn.

i contacted my school's counseling center, so hopefully they get back to me soon. i've had really back luck with finding good mental health care so im nervous but at the very least having someone to vent to may be good. and help me be less lonely. I loved my job and i love being with my gf but im so far away from my family and my friends are doing their own things too and i still havent made friends here outside of work (mostly because i hardly go outside because im either busy or making lowkey agoraphopic excuses).

im also debating on reapplying for unemployment? idk. maybe i shoudl just apply to do retail in town part time so i dont kms and have coworkers to talk to...?

i just want someone to tell me what to do lowkey so i can just do it and feel normal again

[daedalusdavinci]

ao3 wrapped 2023

taken from here. i did this last year and it was fun so im doing it again

1. How many words have you written this year?

i published 110,143 words this year! written...... no clue.

the first half of this year was mostly spent working on the jdau, but the second half was mostly spent on working on oc stuff that i dont post anywhere. i have no way of tracking how much i wrote for that bc this year i shifted all of my oc works from google docs to saved files on my computer, so the dates are all fucking wrong. ; ; if you add that mystery number onto the mystery number of scrapped projects and wips..... theres no telling. theres no telling.

2. How many works did you publish this year?

i posted 12 works on ao3 this year, not counting the fics i rewrote. i posted 9 drabbles on tumblr. this wasnt a great drabble year for me, i think.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

i like the afterlife drabble i wrote about jason and nico. i feel like every time i write about them theres just something so bittersweet and punchy about it. it was a cool idea that kind of leaves me thinking about the world behind it, but not in a way that needs to be elaborated on.

as far as fics psoted on ao3, maybe under the skin? its such a different dynamic, and the tension is drawn so taut, it walks the line perfectly between violence/hatred and grief/love. its one im always second guessing myself about, but i had so much fun with it, sometimes i just have to remind myself its okay to make things just for the sake of exploration/indulgence.

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

snow day, with about 1k hits. i think thats the fic where a lot of people stop reading the jdau. its short, its fluffy, and i do actually still love this one a lot. i wrote it when i needed it.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

i feel like a lot of my drabbles this year were really weak, so ive been surprised by the number of notes some of them have gotten. otherwise, mostly oc stuff? ive always struggled with sharing original content bc it never feels interesting enough, but the few friends i have shared it with have been so supportive and it means everything. @roomfulloferidans and @ashysiashy especially are always encouraging me and motivating me to keep making more, and i mightve given it up a long time ago otherwise tbh

6. Favorite title you used

oh thats gotta be The Family Disappointment actually. i like how much meaning and interpretation is embedded in it. if youve been reading the jdau, you might think its jason, but seeing that the fic centers damian, you might think its him. both boys struggle with feeling like theyre bruces biggest disappointment, but the fic is about brotherly solidarity, and recognizing that maybe bruce is actually the disappointment.

honorary mention to under the skin, bc i think that one was very funny/clever. i also named some oc works "the debilitating fear of garage doors" and "the inherent eroticism of handholding" and i like those a lot.

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

its a fucking miracle. for once, i didnt use any.

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

i guarantee it was bruharv again. bc the jdau. ive finally finished it tho, so who knows what the next will be?? the world is full of possibility.

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

im going to be so real w you. my ocs. their dynamic is so much fucking fun.

10. What work was the quickest to write?

i guarantee it was one of the drabbles. altho i did spend much more time agonizing over them this year

11. What work took you the longest to write?

the jdau. but specifically, im sure it was retirement, bc that one is the longest by miles.

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

one!!! im working on a hs fic for the first time in ages, tho i dont have all of my plans for it 100% solid yet. ive got threeish chapters written tho, so i think i will end up finishing it. ill probably start another wip soon so i dont contaminate this one w the urge to write nonsensical fluff.

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

its retirement. its definitely retirement. its 46k and everythign else doesnt really pass 10k

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

one of the drabbles. on ao3, its off book.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

the aforementioned. its davesprite centric and so far its a lot about family and growing up.

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

probably “Harvey Dent Adopts Jason Todd” again. god im so glad im done w that au

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

my ocs. otherwise, im going to say 2f bc he is so babygirl to me w his sexy trauma and anger issues, and rose, bc rose <33333333

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

bruce fucking again i hate writing him so much its unreal hes barely even a person to me hes been written so many different ways so many different times the source material is basically a suggestion and i HATE IT. also, nepeta. i cant get her voice right and its killing me and i refuse to write in pesterlog format im NOT DOING IT

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

eridve baby im coming home <333333 (<- insane) but probably also a lot of hal ships eventually

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

i have reread the jdau so many fucking times reviewing for the next chapter its fukcing unreal and insanity inducing. if i reread it any more im going to start hating it

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

772. this feels liek nothing compared to last year but its so much compared to the previous years so i think im doing good and last year was just a fluke

22. Which work has the most comments?

snow day w 7 comments, which tracks, bc it also has the most hits.

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

nope! not this year

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

most of my drabbles were requests, and i definitely wrote some fics w specific ppl in mind, namely @roomfulloferidans (Calming a Storm) and @ashysiashy (some oc stuff), but i didnt technically tag any gifts on ao3 this year

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

nope! im kind of the writer of my friend group so fics are not generally smthn i receive. however, trustymikh drew this drawing inspired by my mermay bruharv drawing inspired by their mermay harvey drawing, so maybe that kind of counts?? i was delighted to see my bruce design in their style, at least. @roomfulloferidans drew a very nice drawing of my oc rogue that i cherish, @mudp1es and another friend of mine drew our spidersonas, and i participated in an oc art trade where another friend drew my oc barbie. i think those count as gifts, even if its not Ao3 Gifts(TM)

26. What’s your most common category?

M/M again bc i think its hot when men

27. What do you listen to while writing?

i tend to just loop playlists or single songs, unless im really struggling to concentrate, in which case ill switch to white noise.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

my oc fic, the inherent eroticism of handholding, which im 99% sure i did write this year? it captures a very specific kind of uncertain tenderness where a crush is new and theyre feeling out flirting still. i think about the scene where theyre lying together in the dark while everyone sleeps and holding hands for a reason they cant justify, not looking at each other, talking about nothing, all the time. i also rlly like the oc fic i just finished a lot- domestic(ated).

that i published, i guess under the skin for reasons i already talked about.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

im just gonna collect a few here, bc its hard to pick when i write so goddamn much:

Two Face hesitated. Carefully, he asked, “Do you think they want to get rid of you?” Jason’s eyes flickered away from him, his mouth opening, and then closing. “Yeah?” he said, finally. He sounded unsure.

Water dripped from Two Face's curls and slid off of his nose, spattering against the symbol on Bruce's chest. He found himself blinking hard, his breathing coming fast and tight. "You told me- You were supposed to be- Not even in death. Not even in death, would you have ever told me."

The Backroad Home

Eridan kissed like a fire slowly burning him from the inside out. He tasted like liquid courage and saltwater spray, sticky sweet like taffy the way he stuck in Dave's chest. His hands left scorched trails behind when they slid over Dave's skin, haunting, dizzying, warm like the inside of his mouth.

Calming a Storm

back when he and Bruce had lived so deep in each other’s pockets that the line between his and mine had vanished.

To Late Bruce Wayne

For a while, Two Face just let the breeze wash over him, ruffling his hair as his skin prickled from the chill. A siren blared somewhere in the distance, and he sucked sauce absently from his thumb, setting aside the tupperware. “I care deeply about this city,” the TV crackled. “That’s why I’m donating-” Two Face tucked a cigarette between his lips, pulling his lighter out of his pocket. There was a ritual to it. The slow inhale, the gradual exhale. The wind pulled the smoke from his lips, and it disappeared over the rooftops. Bruce’s laugh washed over Two Face. It was vapid and fake over the airwaves, but the memory of it rattled around Two Face’s chest, warm and startled as they rolled in the sheets in Bruce’s dorm. Longing took hold and ached.

Under the Skin. there are a lot of great lines from this one, but this may be my favorite

Spectre's chin bumped gently against Rogue's shoulder, inches left between them, and Rogue thought about how easy it was to steal things in the dark. "Tell me about something," Spectre whispered. "Anything. And I'll sleep."

the inherent eroticism of handholding. this whole fic was very quoteable and so is Domestic(ated) but i will make this my single oc quote.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

that people would like my ocs, really. moth tenderly cares for them like real blorbos and i still dont really know how to process that

[100toannie]

I’m doing something so crazy and out of my comfort zone tomorrow.

I’m signed up to “run” a 5k.

What even is this right now? I have always hated exercise because I had the wrong mindset. I hated myself or at least the way I look so I figured why bother. Now that I exercise on purpose - at least walking or riding my bike anyway because I still don’t go to the gym because I don’t know what to do - but I’m ready to start.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my high school graduation and I felt like God was telling me that it’s time to be an adult. It’s time to seize my life and prepare to meet the one he made for me. I’m ready now. I’m 71lbs down. I look so much better. I’m halfway to a weight I honestly dream about. I’m 23 pounds away from being under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 15. I’m 32.

I didn’t train the way I wanted since I had my surgery earlier this month. They removed my back lump. It wasn’t cancer by the way. I really thought it was and that’s what contributed to me losing weight. It’s not. I lost weight because I started exercising damnit. Lol. It’s like duh you stupid woman. But yeah. Big relief when mom told me that’s what the doctor told my dad. Mind you nobody from the hospital told me for like a week until when a nurse called “to give me the good news”. Dad didn’t even tell me but I think that’s mostly because I was so drugged up from the anesthesia.

Whatever. That expensive $972 after insurance surgery gave me a huge boost to my confidence and a 4 something centimeter scar. You win some you lose some. I have scar cream I’m going to use once the scab fades.

My plan is to make a Facebook announcement tomorrow after the race. I’m going to actually tell the world (of my Facebook friends) that I’ve done this thing. Basically everything I’ve said here so far. I have some before pictures then I’m going to post a picture of me with my finisher medal.

Im planning on wearing my blue capri running pants and a tealy turquoise exercise shirt I got at Walmart. My flamingo hat, pink shein beaded earrings and possibly my pink bracelets that match. Might not wear those. Im also wearing the cross Victoria gave me at her wedding. I also have my orthopedic insert sneakers and I will probably wear my black ankle brace.

I don’t know if I should bring a water bottle. I’ve never been to a race to know if people do that. I mean I’ll take it with me for sure for the car but i don’t know if I’ll run with it. This is a whole learning experience.

The idea hit me when I saw these two people I know that are big run them. One is a lady I worked with at my old school and the other is a guy I went to high school with. It’s like my inkling to get my doctorate. If they can do it then so can I.

I don’t know if I should really say that because I’m not better than any of these people. I’m not smarter than T or fitter than C. I think it’s just that I’m seeing these other people not hold themselves back based on what other people expect of them. I wouldn’t expect T to go for her doctorate. I could see Jasmine and Jennie and definitely that science lady from the district based on what people say about her. Not T though. For the 5k I can see the Ashley’s running one and they do. I didn’t expect C to post that she did one with her coworkers from her new school.

There is a chance I won’t be able to finish tomorrow but I’m going to push as hard as I can. This is proving to me that I’m halfway to my goal just as much as everyone else. Regardless, the only person that knows I’m doing this is Vic and now I’ve said it here. If I fail then I fail but I’ll try again. I’m already planning on being one of the coaches for GOTR at school next year not only for the leadership ding on my resume but for the motivation.

It’s almost 11:30 and I need to sleep. After all… I have a 5k in the morning at 8.

5/28/23 222.8

[ddarker-dreams]

hello ! this is my first time sending an ask and i had to say i love your writing and im excited to see where deep sea is going <3 the world youre building is so interesting and i cant wait to see whats going on with maiko darling!! i wanted to ask, whats your planning process like for longer fics like this, or how do you normally write fics in general? ive been lowkey wanting to get into writing fanfic, but im not sure how to start, especially since i worry abt writing a character wrong 😭

OMG this ask,, thank you so very much!!! deep sea ended up turning into more of a lengthy project than i originally anticipated, not that i'm complaining. i think there's a lot to explore there and i'm excited to get to everything that i have planned. as for my writing process... i learned a lot from hell within reach, which i started last year, since it was my first venture into novel length territory hrjtmkg (i still need to finish the last chapter but i'll get to it eventually). i think the main thing i learned is that organization, my greatest weakness, is vital for long fics/stories in general.

deep sea's development has been a touch cleaner than HWR since i've been trying to apply what i learned. to give some insight into the process, it looked like:

early early planning phase: getting a rough idea of what i wanted, mostly the reader’s story and how it relates to scaramouche. not very structured. just lots of ideas that didn’t even play off each other yet. i messed around with various possibilities, just kinda throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick. brainstorming and such. 

research phase: basically what i talked about in this post! i did reading, watched interviews, the like. took a bunch of notes, made a vocabulary list, the works. this is also where i came up for the name of deep sea’s okiya, shinju-an. i ran the name through a good friend of mine who is fluent in japanese to see if my research on naming teahouses was correct, which it apparently was. phew.

plot outline 1.0: a bare bones outline. breaking down every character’s motivation, how that would move the plot along, etc. i ended up scrapping like 80% of plot outline 1.0, but the core elements remained the same. 

writing chapter 1 and crying: basically what it sounds like... kinda a rough test to see how well i could (or couldn’t) pull all these various concepts together into something coherent. 

plot outline 2.0: at this point certain things go on the chopping block. i shed a tear for each idea i liked that i must get rid of so the story makes literally any sense to anyone who isn’t me . this is where i changed misato’s role in the story (very drastically), started fleshing out maiko darling’s backstory more, along with how keiko and ishioka would impact the overall narrative rather than making them like. forgettable background characters. it was mostly the very middle of the story/the end that gave me trouble... i’m still slightly undecided on the specifics of the ending, but the general idea is figured out.

back to chapter 1 with Mostly everything figured out: most of the first chapter was finished, i just went through and cleaned it up. added lil hints that made me feel sneaky. started wondering why i put so much effort into yandere genshin impact fanfic and not my schoolwork. 

some important things to note — every time i felt discouraged or blocked by not knowing where the story should go next, i forced myself to take a break rather than soldiering in. this was kinda a new technique for me. i normally like to have everything Nice and Clean and Finished as soon as possible. i feel as if this mindset helped me a lot in the long run! a good night’s sleep is sometimes the best remedy to feeling frustrated when the story isn’t coming out like how you pictured. there’s nothing wrong with taking breaks. 

as for how i write my regular, non multi-chaptered fanfic... i kinda... just wing it. 😭 i’m sorry that probably sounds very disappointing. i wanted to challenge myself with deep sea, but for my other fics, i consider it more of a fun outlet. i’ll get an idea i like, start writing without ceasing, get to the end, and then look back/edit through the mess i just typed. it’s a lot more simple. 

[ppnuggie]

hello ppnuggie <3

can i have a lost in space match up please :3?

i go by sunny, my pronouns are she/they and im omnisexual!!

i have short, curly ginger hair and a lot of freckles,, im planing on getting little solar systems tattoed on diffrent clutters of freckles which is not really relevant ig but,, freckles

my eye color is a mix of blue and green and people have actually argued over what my eye color is at school lol,, i dont really have an aesthetic but i do have these really cool pants with doodles on them and a little ufo on the back pocket that says "i need space"

i have a very cheery personality around friends and i would literally die for them,, i dont express myself around my family as much because they can be really judgy and im really sensitive,, and if im around someone i absolutely hate/someone who has wronged me significantly, i will let them know exactly how i feel - if i do have an issue with someone i will always try to solve the issue in a civil mannar without hurting their feelings,, i rely on communication a lot and its an important thing to me with different relationships

but other than that, im very friendly with new people and friends, im very open and try very hard not to be intimidating, because as an antisocial and socially anxious person ik how it feel when talking to knew people,, im definitely more confident over social media and texts than i am in person.

im an artist!!! im graduating a year early from high school and going to one of the country's best art schools!! ive had art set as acareer path in my brain since the 5th grade,, art is my life

i also dabble in creative writting, mostly fanfics but its just so incredible to come up with stories,, im a big book worm,, if im not drawing or watching cartoons/syfi films im reading, could be ao3, wattpad, tumblr fics, poetry, or a physical book i bought, i will read it

i love syfi and action that simmer in some romance ya know,, it just hits diffrent,, especially alien robot themed syfi,, idk my brain just eplodes when i see space robots

i hate being surrounded by clutter, my surroundings affect my mental state so i try to be as clean as possible to keep my attitude and motivation up :))

i have anxiety + social anxiety,, especially if im alone in crowded/public spaces- went on a college field trip once in middle school and i had a break down at taco bell because none of my friends were there and i was surrounded by strangers,, students or not,,

i hate broccoli and coliflower and public speaking/presentation assignments

im sorry if this is too much? ive never asked for a match up before but the ones ive seen are kinda lengthy so im not too sure :// i might do another match up ask in the future for tfp if its still open i love those funky dudes

anyways thank you for reading my tf stuff and requesting it was the highlight of my week !!! :D

ahh tysm for requesting !! 🥹🥹🙏❤️ im so sorry i havent been able to reply to the comments and stuff you make on my posts 😭😭 i promise im not ignoring you ,, its just this isnt my main blog but instead a side blog ,, my main one i dont bother or toucb anymore 😭😭 but my dms are definitely open if you ever wish to talk or so <33 and np !! i cant wait to see the finished result for the request :D i like your work so much 🥹 its rlly good !! heres you matchup <33 under the thing ,, and dw ,, you can request again for tfp bc no ones rlly requested so far 😭🙏 congrats on the art school tho ! :D hope you do have fun with that !!

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 : robot !! :D

𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒 :

• he would stay around you often ,, not bothering to spend time with others and instead stick close to you unless you told him not to

• hes very curious about you ,, lights swirling around inside the glass on his face ,, he finds you interesting and nice to be around

• whilst hes not all that sure about humans just yet ,, as they all act differently from one another ,, he does feel safer and more comfortable around you

• whenever he catches glimpses of your drawings he tilts his head to the side ,, wondering about them in his mind

• he loves to see your drawings ,, how each varies differently from one to another ,, it just makes more memories for him

• he has tried to draw something for you before ,, wanting to indulge in this littke artistic hobby of yours and make something ,, though it was only in the dirt as he doesnt know how to use pencils and stuff yet

• he’ll help you with public spaces and crowds and strangers as best as he can ,, making it known hes there for you shall you need some reassurance <3

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎

the small stick glided around in the dirt ,, shapes starting to form as he moved it about. he had his mind focused on a plant form ,, gazing back and forth at it as he tried to mimick its shaping. the lights swirled softly inside the glass ,, hand moving to make another shape.

once finished ,, he turned to look up at you. the lights never once stopped swirling ,, a soft hum coming from robot as he awaited for your reaction. laid there in the dirt had been a mishapened flower ,, the one just a little bit in front of you two.

he hoped you liked it somewhat ,, hoping you’ll enjoy his creation as much as he enjoys yours. the lights slowed their pace ,, blue gazing into your eyes as he awaited.

[rizzystem]

hey uh !! - i was wondering about uh moobloom kin haven ?? i saw ur latest post and i wanna get into the kinning fandom , but i noticed the uhhhh " drama " around the kin haven . could i uh , know what happened , and what the blog was about ?? i ' m sorry if i ' m being annoying : /

hello! not annoying at all! i wouldnt call it drama per say and i havent checked updates just because it takes a heavy toll on my mental health and im trying to focus on myself right now after a lot of private drama.

basically, moobloom kin haven was a huge blog that me and some friends made earlier this year, to fufill requests for those who were kin, IRLs or DAs, or systems, so they could get content and just to do requests and make others happy. we gained a lot of traction and everyone worked really hard, but eventually we started getting around 40 requests per day and we were very stressed because exams were coming up, and for 3/4 mods, it was their first times doing exams(with the exception of me), so the blog wasnt abandoned, but requests were slow. eventually, two mods didnt have any motivation, and they left working on the blog but we were still friends while me and another mod carried on every now and then, but the inbox stayed pretty closed. the blog was pretty popular, we hit around 500 followers and had a lot of anons who requested frequently and loved the blog we had a discord, etc.

then came some friend group drama. some people may have seen two of the mods' posts on their personal tumblr and at the time, kin/aesthetic accounts( i believe? ) about the situation, which then we had to get adults involved to take the posts down because of the safety of some involved. because of this, two of the mods were no longer comfortable being my and another mods friends, which i completely understand and im still working on moving past it. by this point, the other mod had also left, so i was the only mod who remained, but i was going to open up mod applications for those who used to request to help after i finished my exams because i didnt want to fail. unfortunately, one day during school, the account was deleted by another mod. this lead to me making an announcement in the discord, which led to one of the former friends and mods making a post about it, leading me to reword my statement, leading to the other mod posting about the situation. i cant blame either of them, and i couldve definitely said my original statement a little better, i admit. anyways, the google account for the blog was deleted, leading the blog to be deleted and i was in the provess of remaking it but this time on my own. (it was confirmed later on that one of the former mods had deleted it and then lied online).

i said in the discord a couple times that i would be remaking it when i had the time, but with a lot of family and personal drama going on, it was very hard to find the time, leading to a couple days ago/a week ago(?), where a new account had taken the username of our blog. i do not have ownership to that new blog, and im very confused on the new moobloom kin haven and their motives, after they said that they were fans and also then said that we stole the blog name from them? but anyways, all you need to know is that one kin blog isnt representing drama for the entire kin community. we are one aspect, and an even smaller one, we're mostly dedicated to the mcyt side of things anyways. i do hope i can get the account back, because moobloom kin haven, when i worked as a mod on it geniunely made me so so happy and i cant help but feel terrible for it being deleted and replaced now. the kin haven was just a small blog me and a few friends made to connect more into the kin community, but now the original is unfortunately gone. dont let this deter you from discovering yourself! do some research on kin, specifically a good carrd is fkin.carrd.co (I THINK. THATS JUST FROM MEMORY), get informed and see if youre kin with anyone or anything! i hope that this explanation helps, and clears up anything who was previously following me for moobloom

i am working on getting the account back. my priority is my mental health, but there are a lot of issues recently thats popped up because of that, but !!! i am trying !! i promise <3!/p

- Wilbur(Mod Wil)