#im mentally !!!ing RN

[im-smart-i-swear]

Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?

when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol

For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/

i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........

uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).

[caesium-55]

—seven days. [ vi.ii ]

pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.

summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.

author's note: guess who's not listening in her calculus lecture rn. also, wifi is acting funny rn.

tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1 @evie-119 @spideylovin @harianaswhore @formulaal

masterlist.

2020

There have been a lot of new protocols to follow. Social distancing. Wearing face masks. Races being rescheduled. Australia, China, Netherlands, Monaco, Azerbaijan, Canada, and France are canceled. Vietnam is postponed. The first race of the season takes place in the Red Bull Ring in Austria and Max gets a fucking DNF.

After exchanging Instagram accounts in December, Max has spent a normal amount of time stalking your feed. That's what you do when you’re trapped inside your apartment alone because of a global health crisis, you explore the online world.

It seems like you’ve been operating the account since your university days and a lot of your posts show a side of you that’s different from the manager he knows. He learns that you play billiards competitively. You've even reached an Australian tournament. He learns that you watch NASCAR and motocross and drift racing. He learns that you know how to drive a firetruck. He learns that you like partying in LA and you took up volunteer work in the LA fire brigade around your sophomore year. He learns that you’re particularly fond of taking pictures of the skies at different times of the day and the things you’re studying. He notices that you only post group selfies or low angle blurry selfies of you. You don't take pretty pictures of just you.

The oldest post is a photo of you offering a middle finger while smiling and filling up the gas tank of a truck. You're also wearing a red sweatshirt with the letters USC written at the front and skinny ripped jeans. If you swipe right, the next photo shows a picture of you and your group of friends writing on papers on the hood of the truck. Max sees numbers and scratches and crossed out sketches. Max notices a canned beer on your other hand while you press down on your scientific calculator buttons and shakes his head. You do not change.

The latest post is a photo dump of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix in 2019. A picture of the aerial show, grainy zoomed in pictures of the garage, selfies with the mechanics, a bathroom mirror selfie, and a blurry picture of a beer in your hand from the after party. He presses like in every post, latest to the oldest.

you: fucking stalker

max: fuck you

max: *sent a photo*

max: nice teeth by the way

you: i hate you

you: *sent a photo*

you: ya think im the only one who looks ugly with braces?

Since then, Max’s relationship with you has considerably improved. The two of you spend a lot of nights dm-ing each other on Instagram and sending each other reels.

max: SOS

you: ??

max: I THINK THE STOVE IS ON FIRE

you: the stove is supposed to have fire

max: ITS ON FIRE

You and Max sit on the floor, back against the kitchen counter, chest heaving in quick breaths, shoulders bumping against each other. You hold the fire extinguisher close to your chest and your eyes are closed and your lips are parted a little. Max observes your side profile.

You're not a categorically attractive woman. But with the way the sun rays enter Max’s kitchen window and hit your face at all the right angles, you look like someone worth missing a sunset over. Max allows himself to stare and mentally tries to convince himself that this is a very normal amount of staring at one’s manager slash friend.

He’s crossing the line that divides friendship and something unnamed.

“Do you need me to call maintenance so we can get your stove replaced?”

Max nods.

“Yes please.”

You post a new picture on Instagram after a long period of dryness. Max gets a notification. He checks it out.

The caption reads: meet my full time dog and part time boyfriend

The picture is blurry and grainy but Max can make out your face perfectly. There’s a billiard table. Max sees a person in the background. A man. He's wearing a Williams shirt.

Is that a racer? Max immediately thinks of Nicholas Latifi. You and him are around the same age. But the blurry man in the picture doesn't look like Nicholas. The hair color and the build is different. George, maybe? He’s a year younger than Max. Do you prefer your men younger? Scratch that. That’s impossible. Max knows he has a girlfriend named Carmel or Carmen or something.

max: you have a boyfriend

you: youre fast

max: when did this happen?

you: uh

you: earlier?

Max resists the urge to hurl his phone across the room.

max: details [name]

max: i need details

you: nuh uh kid you havent unlocked that level of friendship yet

you: that's friendship level 8 ur still on level 6

max: i will hunt you down and force you to tell me

max: and don't call me kid i'm one year younger than you

you: id like to see you try

max: i think u forgot im the one who gave you the apartment where u live rn

You introduce Leo to Max a month later.

Leo is a British brunette guy with a face that one would consider mid in Europe but a ten in the US. He is one of the Williams mechanics. You mention that he used to do karting as a kid and even went up to F3 but he’s decided to discontinue his racing career because he thinks engineering and the technical aspects of a formula car is far more interesting than racing.

He’s basically the complete opposite of Max.

He’s a good guy, Max can tell. He’s well-mannered, he’s calm, he knows how to treat you right. Above all else, he makes you the happiest. You have the most genuine and beautiful smile on your face when he comes into your view.

He also handles your relationship very maturely. He doesn't demand. He understands that you work for different racing teams with different jobs and that means different priorities.

The weekly IG posts are also too cute. It looks like it came out of a Pinterest board.

Max will never tell you that he spends a good hour every time you post something with Leo in it like an obsessive freak. He tries to make sense of the feeling in his chest. Something green. Something ugly. Something he can't name.

Max should be happy that you found a guy as great as Leo. But he cannot, for the life of him, be fully happy for you. He doesn't know why.

“PR told me that you received a dinner invite from Kelly Piquet,” you state, sitting down on the empty chair across from him and putting your packed lunch on the table. You carefully lay the folded clothes on the other chair. Max deduces they will be the ones he’ll be wearing for the interview scheduled in about two hours. You already sent him the list of questions in his email but he hasn't opened them yet.

“Yeah,” Max says after swallowing. “She’s been sending invites since two months ago.”

“And you left her on seen?”

Max scoffs, “I didn't leave her on seen. I just…well, I saw them late and declined them politely.”

He knows Kelly Piquet. He’s aware of the history she shared with former Red Bull Racing now Toro Rosso driver, Daniil Kvyat. Max also knows she’s the daughter of Nelson Piquet, retired Formula One champion. He thinks it's rude to take the guy’s ex-girlfriend after he’s taken his seat in Red Bull.

“She’s interested in you,” you claim, opening the tupperware and quickly saying grace before digging in.

Max is not good with dealing with women. Twenty-three years old and he’s still girlfriend-less. But he knows how to recognize people who are interested in him. A significant number of women have tried their chances with him since he began racing professionally and he may have used you as some sort of getaway driver to get him out of all the awkward situations where he has to deal with women who are interested in him.

You have a very scary resting bitch face if you try hard enough. Its efficiency in scaring off people is proven to be, well, efficient.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Are you interested in her?” you question.

Max thinks about it. Really thinks about it.

“Do you think it’ll be good if I get a girlfriend?” he throws you a question instead of an answer.

“You're twenty-three, man. It's about time you start doin’ somethin’ about your empty dating history.”

Max nose scrunches but doesn't say anything because it's the truth. His dating history is hilariously empty.

“What’s your opinion of Kelly?”

“Uh, cool pussy, I guess. Don't really care.”

Max rolls his eyes, “You’re so crude.”

You shrug uncaringly.

“But I don't mind who you wanna date, man. I mean, it's your life. Date who you wanna date. Live the life you wanna live. All the jazz and shedazzle.”

Max accepts the dinner invite.

The 2020 season ends with Hamilton standing at the top, officially becoming a seven-time world champion. Bottas is behind him. Verstappen, like 2019, still stands in third place. Max vows 2020 will be the last year Hamilton becomes a world champion. The team doesn't hold a big afterparty like it usually does and Max flies home to Monaco immediately.

It's been months since he's started seeing Kelly and the woman is pleasant company. Her daughter, Penelope, is the most adorable human being that ever stepped on Earth. Max loves the little bean with all his heart and he himself is surprised that he’s capable of loving a little human this much. He’s practically convinced that he’ll be a shitty father one day. He does not have a good model figure to look up to when it comes to fatherhood.

Little P, Max learns, is obsessed with crocheted things. Max sees her little bags and little hats—all crocheted. Kelly says she pays their housekeeper to make things for little Penelope because she likes them so much.

Max decides he wants to learn how to crochet. He buys the material and learns through hundreds of Youtube videos. His first masterpiece is a bag. It's white and light orange. He shows it to his mum, who questions how on Earth did her son take an interest in a hobby other than racing or anything car-related. Despite that, she compliments it and Max feels confident that you’ll like it, too, now that he’s gotten his mother’s approval.

He finishes making it by the eighteenth day of December and he calls you, hoping he has the chance to give it before you fly down to Texas for the off-season. But you already left Monaco, just the day before and are now spending the first few weeks of the break in New Zealand with Leo.

“So it's serious?” Max asks you over the phone. He stares at the dark sky in Belgium. There's no stars tonight. Only the moon and it’s looking down at him like it's mocking him. Max wonders what the sky looks like in New Zealand right now.

“Of course,” you say.

“Well then, enjoy the holidays.”

“You, too, man.”

The call ends.

2021

Max sees you enter the Red Bull hospitality. The first thing he notices is that your shoes are brand new. Same model—the black and gold YSL Opyum heels, yes he knows the name because he searched it on Google—but brand new. Your bag is also brand new and it’s not the old cream-colored tote bag with peach prints. It's a cream-colored tote bag with Van Gogh’s painting—the Starry Night—printed at the front. You show it to Max excitedly and tell him that it's from Leo, the bag and the shoes, and Max fakes a smile the whole time. When he returns to his room in the evening, he throws the crochet bag he made over December in the trash bin. Kelly sees it but she doesn't question it.

“PR suggests that you film a Tiktok.”

Max groans, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes to the back of his head.

“Tell them no.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” you encourage him, shaking his shoulders. “There's a lot of dance trends right now.”

“I said no, [Name].”

“Max.”

You throw your hands on your waist, looking at him pointedly with your lips pursed. Max returns the stare.

He gives up after five seconds.

“Fine.”

You huff in triumph.

“But you’re doing it with me,” Max bargains.

“Oh come on,” you throw your hands in the air.

“Now you know how it feels. Tell PR that I’m not going to film a Tiktok unless you film it with me,” Max smiles cheekily.

You're not going to film a Tiktok video with him. He knows you hate filming yourself and posting it for the public. There's a reason why you avoided cameras as if it’s the sun and you're a vampire and had all your social media accounts in private.

You pull an unexpected move and you nod your head.

“Fine.”

Max’s smile drops.

You film a Tiktok using Red Bull Racing’s official Tiktok account. A simple dance. Max does not know the title. The steps are simple and it's easy to memorize. He believes he can do this fairly easily. You don't look like you’re having fun while memorizing the dance steps but you're not overly struggling.

You film the video in three takes. When Max sees the final outcome, he cringes. His long limbs look awkward as he performs the steps despite thinking that he’s doing fine while filming it. You, on the other hand, look fine.

You look good while dancing actually. There’s a certain grace that accompanied your movements.

“You dance good,” Max comments.

“It’s the Latina in me,” you claim, raising your chin a little.

Max snorts.

You show the draft video to the PR team. Without hesitation, they scratched it.

“Why?” Max asks, brows furrowing.

“Apparently, they're too tired releasing statements that we’re not dating. They're afraid that the Tiktok video would bring back our dating rumors,” you roll your eyes. “They’ve decided to just make you do a Tiktok filter game.”

Max does the one filter where he has to solve the simple math equations projected on the screen. He has to tilt his head to the side where the right answer is placed and he needs to do it quickly.

Max is not bad at Mathematics. He’s not good at it either. He’ll say that he’s just average at it like every human being on Earth.

You sit beside him, barking him the answers before his brain can even process and perform the required operations.

“60 points. That's not good enough,” he says.

You nod, “Damn right. You're not tilting your head to the right answer fast enough.”

“Maybe you're not giving the answers quick enough.”

The video gets more than ten takes. The two of you don't stop until you get the perfect score.

Monza is a disaster. To summarize: the 53-lap race is won by Daniel Ricciardo, who has now moved to McLaren. He capitalizes on a good front-row start and the crash between Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton to take the race lead. Lando, Daniel’s teammate comes in second with Mercedes' Valtteri Bottas in third. Max and Lewis—DNF.

Max doesn't remember the last time he’s been that angry and the anger doubles when he sees the seven-time world champion celebrate on the tracks. Max then decides that he’s going to be more risky, especially now that he knows how safe the car is. Max is willing to risk his life for number one.

Max lies in the medical bay and he hears voices outside. Too many voices. He’ll appreciate it greatly if the voices disappear. He's too angry right now that the noise of the outside world is too much.

“Max?”

The voices disappear and it's only you he can see, he can hear, he can feel. You're everything.

You said it. His name. It sounds even better than he imagined.

“[Name].”

After making sure he’s okay, you tell Max that you wish to go to Danny and congratulate him for winning. Max grabs your hand, unwilling to let go.

“You're not his manager anymore,” Max reminds you. “You're mine.”

He’s very much aware that he sounds like a child who refuses to let his older brother borrow his favorite toy but he cannot find himself to care. Screw Daniel.

You give him a long look but follows his demands anyway, “We’re gonna congratulate him later whether you like it or not. He’s our friend and he just got P1. We’re gonna be happy for him 'cuz that's what friends do. I’ll drag your ass to his hotel room if I have to.”

Jos Verstappen is not happy. When has he ever been happy with Max anyway? He calls Max after the Monza race and proceeds to yell because that’s all he ever does with Max. He yells. Max is embarrassed that he’s twenty-three and he’s still getting yelled at by his own father.

“Your Dad’s an asshole,” you stated after he ends the call. Max knows you heard his father’s voice even though he has not put the call on loudspeaker.

“Don't talk to my Dad like that,” he reprimands, though not unkindly. “But yeah, he is.”

You snort, “You okay?”

Max lets out a shaky breath, nodding weakly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You would think that after all this time I would get used to it but I don't know. It still makes me feel so uncomfortable and like I'm doing everything wrong even though I've been doing that for such a long time now and I've achieved so many things he asked for."

Your gaze softens and Max mentally begs that you stop looking at him like that. He does not want your pity. Pity is for the weak. Max is not weak.

You open your arms, “Rein it in, big guy.”

“What are you doing?”

“You need a hug.”

Max hesitates but he invites himself to your arms anyway. He allows himself to melt. In your arms, he feels like he's home and that he's good enough.

The breakup happens two race weekends later. Max is not dumb nor is he so emotionally indifferent that he cannot sense if a person is going through a breakup especially if that person is someone so close to him. He already knows there’s something wrong and he knows exactly what’s wrong and yet he still asks, “What's wrong?”

“Nothin’,” you say a little too quickly as if you already know that Max is going to ask the question.

“[Name],” his fingers circle around your wrist. “It's not nothing. Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?”

He wants you to open up. He wants you to say something. He wants you to share the heartache you carry so it won't feel heavy on your shoulders. He wants to be someone who’ll carry your problems with you when the world feels too big and you too small.

You sigh shakily, forcing a polite smile. Your hand comes up to squish Max’s cheek in between your palms and Max’s brows rise slightly at the action. Your hands feel cold and they’re trembling slightly and Max wants to point it out, but he sees how your lips wobble and his mind just blanks, “It's not important. You only have one thing to think about and that is to win. You hear me?”

Max considers marching to the Williams Racing livery and demanding for Leo Stark but he chooses not to. You won't want him to, anyway.

Max never realizes how horrifying blood is until he sees it dripping down the side of your head. He watches as your face changes from shock to realization to absolute anger. It’s like watching you transform from human to a rabid animal who wants to shed blood. At first, he tries to pull you away and calm you down. When he sees the girl’s boyfriend appear, Max joins the fight. No man is allowed to hit you. Not on his watch.

The higher-ups are not the happiest when they learn of what happened. The PR team is having a field day as well. Someone captured the event in video and posted it online. Max has been given a script for the video he’ll have to do to save his image but it’s written differently. Different in a way that the way the words are arranged feels odd to him unlike the way you write your scripts for Max. You write the scripts as if Max is the one who writes them. You write the script in a way Max will write them. Because you know him enough to know what kind of words he wants to use and how he’ll phrase things. You choose words that are easy on his tongue and you structure the sentences so that he can memorize them easily.

Helmut is the one who says, “She should leave the team.”

“If you fire her, I’m leaving,” Max decides.

Christian narrows his eyes at him, “You won't dare.”

“Try me,” he challenges. “I am willing to pay millions to leave if she leaves.”

The other teams want him, Max knows. They know he’s rising to stardom, a racer who can stand equal to Lewis Hamilton in the right time. Red Bull is too afraid of spitting out their star now. Not when Max is already giving Lewis Hamilton a big run for his money this year. Not when Max just showed the world that he’s capable of more than just being third place.

The wretched Hamilton fan decides to sue and Max calls upon his mother’s help to find the best lawyers to fight for you. Sophie willingly helps him.

Max is going to protect you, like you always do to him.

[bloodyinkandquill]

Scythe x Reader semi toxic yuri/canon accurate

if you keep talking that blah blah blah blah💃🕺💃🕺 kesha fucks hard her music is amazing, anyways toxic yuri😍 ok wait a minute note to self please finish this before bed, ok onto tumblr i go for some reason im thinking of banhammer self ship rn so im reading other people’s works on him rq to fulfill my own wants lmao

had a awful mental breakdown, skipped classes, couldn’t sleep until 5:30, didn’t work on this, i’ll work on it next lemme do something else idk man just need motivation

5 days later i think, i dunno man i just need to get this done ok let’s do this, this will probably just be general dating hcs ill be so real not that i won’t write her with a male reader but i hc her as lesbian *shrug*

- ‘She’s the most wanted demon in the Inpherno!’ pretttyy lady… your friends may not understand but it doesn’t really bother you, you love her and that’s all that matters

- Scythe has an almost flirtatious demeanor to her but when it comes to you that’s cranked up to 11, she loves teasing and flustering you, even simple things she changes into an opportunity to flirt, causal conversation where you look away for a moment? You bet your ass she’s grgabbing your face and forcing you to look at her, and with that she sometimes blows cigarette smoke in your face, it’s so attractive but gods it makes you cough, it’s worth it though for her

- She adores dancing with you, sometimes it’s slow and intimate music at home while other times you’re at a saloon absolutely boogie-ing it down, if you didn’t know how to dance you bet your ass she taught you, she’d make fun of you tripping or messing up but it never was that serious just more so playful banter

- Lightly suggestive but she would so slap your ass as you walked by, it doesn’t matter who’s nearby or where your at, she will fully go for it, and then either carry on like nothing happened or crack up, never in between

- She robs bars on occasion and gets the best most fancy and expensive wines to share with you, telling you all about her latest ‘job’ as you sip on wine you’re pretty sure is worth more bux then you’ve ever owned in your life combined, sometimes she has little trays of finger foods with it like bread with cheeses but usually it’s just a table with the two of you drinking the wine as you admire her

- Scythe very much enjoys going into detail about her work with you, from the regular paper work, to offerings, to her kills, if you’re squeamish it’s not your lucky day that incentives her to describe them even more graphically, but if you fully support her and listen intently when she talks about them she’s not as graphic but loves the look in your eye and you listen to her ramble about her ‘assignments’

- Sorry but if you’re going to date her you had to join the Church of the TRUE EYE, let’s be so for real here if she’s legit dating someone they have to be in the church, she said it’s your choice but you knew it wasn’t, if you wants to be with her you had to join, she hooked you up good, a word to the father here, great accommodations there, she was very pleased once you agreed

- Pampers you in a sorta macabre way, brings you the most fancy and beautiful jewelry she got from someone she killed, takes you on a fancy dinner she doesn’t pay for by threatening everyone to kill the entire building, gives you bouquets she made from flowers that reminded her of the colors of her favorite horns she has framed on her walls, once she tried to gift you a pair of horns she thought were very beautiful, you puked, she didn’t try that again

- Her love language is words of affirmation and gift giving, constantly using pet names to compliment you, and we’ve already discussed the gifting

- With the pet names she obviously calls you darling with her hot ass southern accent, she also calls you thinks like hot and sexy, wouldn’t put it past her to call you hot tits I’ll be so real right now, if she did you’d give her the most disappointed look ever and she just doubles over in laughter

- Scythe’s dates are usually really fancy dinners or saloons, quite different but you don’t mind since she’s usually a lot sweeter on your dates, more lovey at fancy restaurants and more protective and touchy at saloons, speaking of no one could lay a finger on you or she will cut that finger off and feed it to them, she can and will murder anyone she views as trying to flirt with you or harass you, it’s sweet in a very messed up way

- Not really a hand hold-y person but she touches you in other ways, an arm around your waist, hand under your chin, leaving lipstick all over your face and neck, it’s usually more intimate touches, maybe if she’s feeling a bit more adventurous that day she’ll use her sharp ass claws to draw a small amount of blood, she just loves the surprised slightly pained face you make

ok finally got this done let’s get this posted i’ll probably head to bed after this, do the firebrand request and do a self indulgent thing of windforce then open back up requests! WILD LIFE SCDIDHKFHSJ (life series, any fans of the life series who read this talk to me please i’m going insane)

[yutamayo]

me and who?

me and you?

Jk unless...

in a two way one sided platonic homoerotic relationship with the mutual

[kairoot]

hii all!!

i just want to quickly come here and apologize for my absence.. i’ve been going through some things and life has really been life-ing lately. i also want to apologize for not writing as much lately. there’s still so much i want to put out for you guys and i can’t because im either low on motivation or something else. i still have requests from ppl that are from a month ago or 2 months ago and i really want to apologize to those guys for making them wait. im so sorry for not being active and just being absolutely ghost on my writing guys, i promise it’s not what i intended. i am also battling with things mentally so it’s hard to make writing my number 1 priority when things like that happen. but this is NOT goodbye. i will be on here as much as i Can but i can’t promise that i’ll be posting as much. im just trying to get things in line rn and definitely putting school first because as much as i hate getting up in the morning, education is everything to me. i will be working on things tho :p

thank you for reading this whole thing if you did lol

- m ♡︎

[misc-obeyme]

LISTEN. (cw torture, barb thirst, mc infofump, mentions of murder and devildm politics, a bunch'a spoilers for Barbatos live ★ & Tea time w you-, obey me whump, conditioning, rant about newer fandom this ask is a wild ride)

But I also like the idea of him discovering what you’ve been doing & then questioning you about your methods. Like he’s impressed you would take matters into your own hands, but he is also an expert and can teach you many things~

Cue you getting taken on as the torturer’s apprentice. When you tell Solomon, he just goes pale and stammers out a joke about how he doesn’t like sharing his apprentice lol.

I'm gonna interrupt you like the potato i am but like???yes????? you do not understand my obsession with torture. I always thought I'm a masochist but I've recently figured i was wrong and Boy it Was the best feeling in rhe world to figure out whats wrong with me-

also my mc is both Sol's apprentice in magic and Barb's student in torture and baking. mhmhmmm. I also Do Not Like the brothers so much my mc was never an exchabge student. I did some black butler shit back there and now he lives in the castle. like two years before the exchange program- (no my canon doesnt follow the game's canon caue thats so very badly written) and he also helps w murdering people who are against Diavolo. and people just ?? can't believe it- there has to be some sort of a war shit going on. Dia is too kind to do this- also, if anyone figures they don't. Barb has POWERS-

and BOY DO I LOVE BARB FOR THAT. Also dia but he isnt important rn sjsksk. in the new event's card he said smth like he would cross his own boundries for the sake of Diavolo and Devildom. althought he didnt say for mc so 😔 but thats hot af still. But buT BUT vvv

villain wannabe. wdym darkness?? you said itll be for the sake of devildom! idk im misinterpenting or no but this is so side ways I'm a bit ????ing rn

also in Tea time with you when you ask him what the fuck he did that even being a 24/7 slave butler to Diavoli won'y undo the mistake he had done?? he laughs?? HEEHEEE???? what are you Michael Jackson? and the other option he goes straight to anger so idk whats with the huge difference in replies-

anyway angry Barb is also best Barb i dont make the rules. also he's the butler of their PRINCE noone gets to harm mc. they'd dissapear. go missing. possibly either killed or very altered. Came Back Wrong™ ohoho, imagine if some of the castle workers/maids etc used to be high ranked nobles and demons and they've done smth so wrong that lowered them to this. and they don't remember it?? and noone else does remember too. just some lost names. okay not to get far-

BUT LISTEN Barb has definitly done some conditioning bs out there you can not prove it otherwise. also, Mammon keeps getting punished by Lu and hasn't changed so imagine the pain those demons have to go through for that-

JSKSKAJ!! BARB IS HOT OKAY- HES SADISTIC. I live sadistic demon butlers . also the fact that he has a torture dungeon- and who says there aren't demons in the hidden prisons waiting for their turn? i imagine Barb would randomly take one, do the things™ and leave for the next few months. the second the demons think they're forgotten/ theyre doomed. its also not in order so yep more stress. so wha i was goimg to say is imagine a very sadistic and mentally ill™ mc whos very angry tortuing some " innocent" souls in the dungeons. also, I tend to imagine Barb has taught Lucifer a few forms of torture when he fell (cough, Believer cough-) so-

Barb is such an interesting character (like Sol) and the older fandom used to really put those aspects in mind but the newer fandom is stripped completely from darkfic. like. can we have more darkfic i am begging I want obey me whump I dont want mc angst i want mc whump i want these bad boys dying of pain and being saved the last minute i want more stories on devildom politics i want more dark! demons/dark! mc aus- like can we bring that back??? can we stop w 24/7 fluff/comfort/angst thats just mc's death ?? no hate to those but can we bring back the dark shit i want to see demons getting their asses whooped in barb's dungeon or Dia being manupilative af--😭😭😭

ok ok ill shut up now😂

There is so much happening in this ask, but for some reason I keep coming back to "HEEHEEE???? what are you Michael Jackson?" because wow that made me actually LOL for real.

I'm always going to be for canon divergence. I say do whatever makes you happy! Your MC must truly have their hands full learning all that stuff with Barbatos and Solomon. But like if you're gonna learn those things, might as well learn from the best, right???

The thing I like about Barbatos is that he is very versatile. They've kept him very mellow in the game, but he has so much potential to go dark if you want to write him that way. I mean they don't even confirm that he actually has a torture dungeon in the game... I'm pretty sure it's just Mammon who says he's rumored to have one. But like by leaving it open ended like that, we can speculate all we like about it, you know?

And traditionally, wasn't that the point of demons? Aside from tempting humans, they're supposed to torture souls, right? I mean, I don't know how accurate that actually is, but it's interesting to think about.

I'm not especially obsessed with torture and I think it's pretty clear from my writing that I'm generally on the fluffier side of things lol. But it's interesting to think about, especially considering the types of characters we're dealing with here. And I really like the exploration of morality and inner evil and that sort of thing when it comes to heavy stuff like torture.

I thought it was very interesting in Barbatos Live how he calls MC his good conscience. 'Cause in Tea Time with You, he very much indicates that he used to do crazy stuff all the time, but then the Incident happened and now he doesn't. So wouldn't his guilt over whatever happened be his good conscience, like it has been all this time before MC showed up? Is he saying that MC just makes him want to stick to that even more?

Though he also says that it's like demon nature to have some darkness, so I don't know if he's talking about his specific experience necessarily. It's more like he's saying he wants to fight against his own nature? I dunno.

OH DANG but I love that idea about the maids and such in the castle! Demons that messed up so bad, now Barb keeps them at the castle to work??? What was that about not giving into the darkness???? lk;asdfkjlfd

I'm afraid I can't really comment on the amount of darkfic present in the fandom at any given time... due to being a Fluffster Extraordinaire, I'm faaaar more likely to read sweet lovey romance fics than Barb torture dungeon fics. Which isn't to say that I don't like the Barb torture dungeon situation because I do indeed find it very intriguing lol. I'm just usually like yo I want that guy to bake for me and make me tea, I don't care what he does in his spare time.

In fact, I really like the idea of a sweet and doting house husband Barbatos that pampers MC all day every day while being a ruthless and loyal demon butler the rest of the time. Like the dungeon isn't a rumor but as long as he washes off the blood when he comes back, MC is like whatever lol.

Oh but I also like the idea of MC being just as bad as him, now that I think about it. Like MC isn't ignorant, they don't turn a blind eye, they are right there with him, actively participating. The torture couple aadsflkjdfkjldf

I dunno, I think I'm considering it in more of a humorous way than a serious way, though.

Anyway, it's fun to consider all aspects of Barbatos because he has so many facets! And I think it's fun to explore the different sides of him.

[aliilku]

warning: rant

mention of drug abuse and sh

i think im in my all time low.

three years ago my mental state started deteriorating, i was sh-ing basically every day, failing college, getting drunk on every possible occasion and using sex as sh

two years ago i was neck deep in my 3d, getting drunk and/or h1gh four to six times a week bc i needed to escape my life and mind so badly

now i dont even like being not sober. i dont sh at all. i relapsed here but half the time i dont r3str1ct anyway to be honest...

but i dont have any healthy copying mechanisms either. i am literally unable to handle my life, my responsibilities and my situation but i have no way of coping with it. ive been going through autistic burnout and/or depression for at least a year and a half but i could never afford to quit my job and take care of myself (im forced to have two rn lmao)

and bc of that i have been slowly but surely ruining my relationship. i dont have the mental capacity to plan dates, to have sex, to care about/for my partner properly.

so i just kinda exist through it. all ive been doing in life for the last year are the things i HAVE to do. the only person i talk to outside of work is my partner and i hate it but i cant/ dont know how to change it. i almost never put any effort into looking how i wish i did, i just dont have the energy to do anything not work/ household related

i dont even have the time and space to unload properly which my autistic ass desperately needs, all i get are a few hours alone every few days which i usually spend catching up on chores or playing the sims and watching youtube at the same time bc im unable to do things i would enjoy on a deeper level

and the longer i force myself to do even the absolutely necessary stuff the more im afraid of how hard ill fall when it happens.

i have an older brother whos autistic as well and unable to work, hes 28 and lives with our parents, dropped out of college like 6 times

and his life is basically my worst nightmare and my future at the same time.

and i have no idea how to help myself.

even if i could afford therapy i dont have time for it, i have 4 free days till the end of the month, some days i have scheduled an 8h day shift and a 12h night shift two hours apart from each other

im not even surviving right now, i am literally just existing.

i just push everything possible out of my mind and focus on forcing myself to do my responsibilities, if i even slightly think about myself i have tears in my eyer

and its fucking terrifying.

i doubt anyone will read all of this shit but whatever, i needed to do this.

and if anyone actually did read it, thank you. means a lot.

im open to advice but i might not respond bc i have a tendency to find every possible "i cant, because.." and end up spiraling and making the other person frustrated

[pseudowho]

Heloo haitch 👋🏻 wanting to share witchuu. MAYBE IM THE ONLY ONE but that's okay (im tweakin)

So what i actually been scenario-ing soft dom Nanami is like Bear from Masha And The Bear 🧎🏻‍♀️ because!! back at 2017/2018? when i was 15 or sum i literally addicted to this animation cause of my niece when i babysit her (kind of). Not by any chance this meant to sexualizes the character (because it's literally a kids show, duh!) but Bear's personality is the one whose always responsible for the chaos Masha's made, babysitting a literal demeanor of a child, the guardian, and caring 💞

Idfc with the theory conspiracy shit about a kids show saying the Bear's actually kidnapped Masha and blablabla. The Bear loved Masha!

(i can't be fr rn😔)

I still watch the show...👁️👁️

I know Masha and the Bear well, because my middle son went through a whole phase of watching it 💀

I worry that you've said "this isn't meant to sexualize the character", but equally, you've talked about Nanami/Bear being a "soft Dom" to a partner/Masha. It's truly weird to think about Nanami Kento "softdom"ing a personality which is ostensibly that of a very small child 💀 and really, I don't think he'd be down for it.

This guy has got his life together, and his very much canon distinctions between adults and children, tells me he'd want an adult on level with him; someone that he can take care of because he WANTS to, not because they're a silly baby who can't take care of themselves.

Equally, if we're talking true characterisation here, I think if Nanami Kento had a partner as chaotic and destructive as Masha, he'd not be their partner for long 😂

But, you can SoftDaddyDom Nanami Kento with a "little girl type" character all you like, I'm not here to yuck someone else's yum 💀

You lost me, mate. I've seen olympic gymnasts stretch less than you have, here.

I'm glad you enjoy Masha and the Bear 😂

Thanks for the absolutely mental inbox,

-- Haitch xxx

[aroacesigma]

ok anyway izuleo. there is so much to go thru here. pls be aware that i am looping fineknights starlight parade rn so im like 500x more insane. this is so much lore bear with me

okay so. leo and izumi met a bit before the war when leo just kinda. burst into a classroom izumi was practicing in and was like "ur singing sucks lmao" and izumi was like "what the hell" and then they got in a small scuffle or some shit and then leo basically just didn't leave izumi alone and called izumi his muse and composed a bunch of songs for him so they're besties.

so like. izuleo are just kinda chilling. and then the old leader of the mega-unit.... Othello? or Backgammon? I think it was called at the time? has smth happen and can't be the leader anymore (it's heavily implied that Eichi was why the previous leader stepped down) so Leo is left to fill in the slot and he becomes the new leader and renames the unit back to its og name before the name changes to Othello and Backgammon - Chess. but most of the people in the unit (bc at this time units were GIANT and encompassed like hundreds of students) didn't actually care abt being idols and were just kinda in the unit for the sake of the name they could ride off of that looks good on their resumes and shit. Eichi did not like that. so eichi does his eichi things and pulls strings with the student council (thanks keito) and makes it so units cannot be bigger than 5 people and can't really be smaller than 2 due to prohibitive costs and whatnot. (madara is an exception. they let him stay a solo unit bc it kept him out of everyone's hair) so. the mega-units splinter!

Leo and Izumi go to form their own unit out of the splinter units and Leo originally suggests them being named Knight, but Izumi tells him that that name was already taken, and suggests Knights instead. (yes. izumi named their unit.) and so ! Knights is born ! Izumi and Leo are the only real members at this time so they go. recruit people i guess idk. Arashi gets roped in despite not actually caring abt idol-ing at the time and i think Ritsu just kinda comes along bc it's the easiest course of action? idk man it's been so long since i read Checkmate. ANYWAY.

Eichi uses this early Knights to destroy units he sees as threats and to test the DreamLive system (which is the current system operating in Enstars for lives and shit. i cannot explain it) or maybe it's DreamFes? idk. one of the two. anyway. at one point Leo goes to a bunch of the other splinter units and asks if they had to choose between never using his music again (leo is a genius composer btw and is largely attributed to being a reason knights is so popular) and being his friend; or using his music. Every single person he goes to chooses his music over him. Strike one on the Leo Downfall Arc! ALSO ENGSTARS RETCONS THIS. DON'T TRUST THEM. In Engstars Izumi says that Leo once asked him that question too, but that's a fucken LIE Izumi was never asked to choose between Leo and his music bc his choice was always Leo and Leo KNEW that.

The two are disgustingly codependent at this point btw. so like. Leo uses his music to destroy these splinter units of the mega units and everyone Eichi considers a threat and this does. A LOT to his mental state. He's kind of disgustingly codependent with Izumi to the point where he basically tells Izumi that he'll do anything Izumi asks of him and that all he wants is for Izumi to smile (and praise him i think?) bc like. at this point Izumi has gotten super harsh on Leo and like. Izumi is normally prickly but this is way worse. Strike Two on the Leo Downfall Arc!

Sometime after this (I do not know exactly when. again. been awhile) Leo realizes what he's done and the fact that he's stepped on so many people and that his music is little more than a weapon and just fucking. breaks. he becomes a shut-in and basically disappears from Yumenosaki. Izumi visits him a few times - most notably in the short story Lionheart where he visits and Ruka (leo's younger sister) ends up crying and begging Izumi to help Leo, which leads to Leo coming out of his room (and Izumi describes him as being super gaunt and barely able to stand) and tells Izumi off for making Ruka cry. (he didn't make ruka cry btw she's just really worried abt her brother) After that Izumi leaves the house and goes and sits on the beach and is all emo while listening to the MP3 player full of music Leo's made for him. one of the tracks is just a recording of their first meeting too and izumi does not have a good time listening to that. I think at the end of Lionheart Izumi promises to keep fighting in Leo's name until he's strong enough.

Anyway. While Leo's a shut-in he basically stops composing entirely bc he stops hearing music in his head and thinks everything he composes is worthless which leads to him hurting himself (i still hc that he has scars on his hands from biting himself and izumi always gets a little sad when he sees them) which eventually leads to Madara taking Leo to travel the world so he can get his groove back. This is during IzuLeo's second year i think. The war was during their first year i think. timeline is fuzzy ngl. So Leo is basically missing for the entirety of his second year. Knights at that time is Izumi, Ritsu, and Arashi with Leo missing. Leo was their leader (dubbed "ousama" (king) - also the name of my leo fictive. unrelated.) but he's just kinda. gone. so I think during this time Knights just stops performing and slips out of the limelight. Mama and Leo's World Tour happens, which is also kinda sad bc once Leo comes back and is asked abt it he says he was "abducted by aliens" and doesn't remember it. Also when Leo comes back he doesn't go straight back to Yumenosaki, he remains away from Knights and everyone for awhile. Madara is able to coax Leo into performing with him during the story Concerto and that's where Leo finally decides to go back to the stage with his Knights. except oopsie ! all judgement !

So. Leo goes back to Yumenosaki. By jumping in through a window. He does that a lot in the early stories btw idk if he knows what a door is /j BUT. I digress. So he meets Tsukasa at that point and i feel like just kinda brushes him off? and challenges Knights to a duel ! Judgement ! Where he claims that if Knights cannot defeat him then Knights doesn't deserve to exist anymore bc they've grown too weak in his absence. So Izumi is like "Leo-kun what the fuck" and Leo is just like ":3" and peaces out thru the window. Knights are unsurprisingly like "wtf are we meant to do we don't have Leo's songs" and Leo goes and gets his little temporary unit Knights Killers up and running with Eichi, Kuro, and Nazuna. eichi bc they're kinda friends despite everything that happened (and also leo knows that he's strong), and kuro and nazuna bc they're literally the closest people. good work leokun. So ! Knights Killers and Knights go to battle ! Knights begins losing bc Leo can compose on the spot and Eichi is noted to be a powerhouse, and with Leo and Eichi together they're basically unstoppable. During that story we also get this really soft moment of Ritsu (who's Knights strategist) apologizing to... Tsukasa? I think? maybe Izumi? for his strategies not being enough. but as Knights Killers wins, Leo has an "oh shit" moment and realizes that he can't just do whatever the hell he wants with Knights, bc Knights also belongs to the others :3 so Leo is like "yeah no we're not dissolving Knights" and rejoins as their ousama ! (also Knights Killers has a song called Crush of Judgement and its a BANGER go listen to it)

at this point Izumi and Leo have a very kinda. tense? relationship? they're not as disgustingly codependent anyhow. they're kinda distant. but they work on repairing their relationship over time ! izumi is less harsh on Leo and keeps a pretty close eye on him actually (they live together in Italy !) as a sort of way of making up for everything he did. and leo's just a silly goofy guy but is still a little haunted by his past. but the two are working on it.

anyway once they graduate and tsukasa becomes the new ousama, izumi goes to live in italy for. modelling things? i think? i don't really know tbh. and leo goes with bc where izumi goes leo follows and vice versa in most cases. sometime in the modern !! timeline leo is like. doing stuff for GFK (gatekeeper? godfather? idk. one of those dudes. don't ask me abt them i don't get it) and overworking himself and izumi is like "leokun PLEASE" and takes over his scheduling so he doesn't keep working himself to the bone. also leo does like a requiem or something? to see if kasa is worthy of being the leader? or something? gonna be real i do not really remember that story much.

so yeah izuleo were disgustingly codependent and now are more normal and also got gay married in florence. they told me themselves.

theyre absolutely sickening (/pos) i LOVE that omfg . congratulations to them on their italy wedding i fully believe you im sure thats canon . also feeling very sorry for this leo guy i want to hug him . also i listened to that song while reading this and its an absolute banger

[megah3rz]

having no emotional permanence is sooooo funny bc currently everyone around me seems to be hyper worried about me off-ing myself meanwhile im just chilling rn. doodling, eating a little snack, rewatching my shows. yes i'll likely have a mental breakdown in like, 2h (which i can predict by now due to pattern recognition) BUT im also just enjoying my free time. it'd be just fine if this didn't directly translate into me feeling like a fraud :')

[kebma]

Hiii Robbieee 💕

Omg life is rlly good at life-ing rn bc I feel absolutely dead 😭 i have Adhd so I tend to get easily off track or not get anything actually important done because I get distracted with things that are not important. Its so weird idk. I prioritize the wrong things all the time 😭 but i feel so burnt out even though I haven't even Got half the things I was suppose to get done DONE. And whenever I haven't showered or if I feel dirty, my motivation just plummets and I cannot do absolutely anything until I have showered so that makes everything 10x worse. And I don't take care of myself physically when I'm depressed saur...😅 and this is only like one thing on top of many others

Anyway sorry for bothering you with my problems.

Btw i love love love the new theme!! Aaaand congrats on the kiss 😏 im trying to get like you 🤧 and how have you been recently? Mentally, physically, all that jazz. Have you been eating well and drinking water? Did you get a new laptop yet?

Alsooo I've started making smaus!

-🍕

Baby I totally get it, I’m the same way so please don’t feel alone, my inbox is always open for you to rant or talk abt stuff, even if you don’t want me to post it you can genuinely treat my inbox like ur diary (a you + mutuals privilege only hehe)

and I got way more than a kiss 😏😏 we made out in the backseat of my car for like 2 hours straight lmao

BUT he came and met my family and asked for my dads permission to date me and my dad said yes snwbvwhsh

I haven’t been able to get a new one, Im home so I have my old one that I’m gonna use which is lk a pos 😭 but it’ll have to do

I CANT WAIT TO SEE THEM IK THEYRE GONNA BE SOOOO GOOD

[irl-w0lverine]

SERIOUS TOPICS!!

Breif mentions of ed and sh. DO NOT READ IF THESE MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!

Uhm im really struggling with my mental health rn and have recently relapsed back into my eds and have gotten really bad with sh-ing again so safe to say im officially taking a break from tumblr as a whole. I just feel like its better for me to take a break instead of stressing about 'oh i havent wrote a fic in a while' or 'damn i havent posted in a few days'. I dunno how long this break is gonna be but its more for me to try and get better and not get triggering things on my home page. I MAY be active on my gambit rp account but considering how dead the interactions are, i probably wont. If you want some kinda way to talk to me them dm me for my discord (mutuals only please) but yea thats all ive wanted to come on there and say. Tumblr is also just a shit show rn and i REALLY dont wanna be involved with anything if i manage to. Not even with just drama but theres alot of stuff rn on here that is making me worse and overthink or just makes me unsure if i still wanna use tumblr. Id say its just seasonal depression but id be lying.

Thank you lily for helping me to try and get clean <3

Bye for now

[chronicbloodynoses]

honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!

[bluehwale-main]

hi hello how are u are u doing well im worried i hope u are eating well doing well mentally emotionally and physically

i kinda miss (ALOT ALOT ND I HOOE U ARENT DED PLS BE ALIVE I LOVE U COMEBACK HOME 😓😿)

ALSO I FUCKING CAME BAck HERE TO SCREAM ABT A GUY IN TUX FUVKING HELL WHY DO I MELT OVER A MAN IN A TUX 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

yes i was malfunctioning when i opened that snap like him trying on a black tux nd sent me a black nd white snap of him trying with all the cuff links 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

me the whole day after seeing him in tux 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 (same person who I complained abt blaming me abt not telling him to back off when he was flirting )

BUT WHY THE HELL MEN LOOK SO GOOD IN TUX

my frnds were LIKE CALM DOWN BITCH HE AINT BOYFRIEND I WAS 🙄🖕🥲LIKE LOOKING SO GOOD

kinda wanna yk wear a ball gown nd make my future bf wear a tux nd do a dance with him then loose my mind over how good he looks

like I WANT TO SEE CLOSE UP A MAN IN TUX (I want to 😭😭😭 why am I like this I do feel like I shld get a boyfriend these days but then I realize im listening to love songs too much these days nd those are the sideffects of it 💀)

TAKE CARE HAVE A GOOD DAY LOVE <3

HONEY, IM HOME!! <3

i’ve read ur previous asks and OMGMDKSNSJSJS THE TEA???? so exciting (also thanku sm for ur k/thai/cdramas I WILL BE WATCHING THEM SOOON <3) and ahhhhh i hope u passed all ur mock exams I HAVE FAITH IN U REN !! how was ur finals btw? :3

I MISSED U SM IM SO GLAD I GET TO HAVE MY NEEDED DOSE OF REN ENERGY AGAIN <3 i’ve been doing well!! life is just super life-ing rn and i hope u’re doing well both physically and emotionally as well and also!!! i hope u’re eating well and eating lots and lots of yummy desserts <3 (IM THANKFULLY NOT DEAD YET AND I LOVE U TOOOOOO MWAH MWAH)

OOOOOOF NOT THE GUY BEING THE SAME ONE U TALKED ABOUT HELPPPP AAAAA but damn..,,,. sometimes it really do be like that 😔 sigh,,, most hot men are assholes ngl UR FRIENDS ARE SO FUNNY THOUGH??-??? HAHSHSHHSHAHA

omg a ball gown and dancing in a ballroom sounds so fun tbh I WANNA DO THAT TOOOOO AAA especially bcs i didn’t have prom in hs bcs of covid </3 the world is unfair !! >:-(

giiiirrrlll frrrrr DID U SEE ATEEZ IN THE AMERICAN MORNING SHOW THING??? THEY WERE WEARING SUITS AND imagine seeing that irl 😵‍💫 i’d run the other way actlly bcs i’d be too nervous (IM CRYINGG nah but yeah that happens </3 listening to love songs makes u want to be in a relationship so bad but when u look at the choices u have, u just kinda go… hM.. bcs men suck 😭)

I LOVEEE UUUU SM I HOPE U’RE HAVING A GREAT DAY AS WELLLLL <3 forehead kisses mwah mwah

[souji-upseta]

CW: animal harm, eating disorder, alcohol mentiom

yeah so i've been alternating between manic fervor, catatonia, binge eating, and jake english-ing my sorrows with the odd screw-top bottle of gas station wine mixed with electrolyte powder.

wait, no, that's not jake english-ing my sorrows. jake wouldn't be smart enough to mix it with electrolyte powder and he'd do that while drinking enough to supply an entire ill-advised indoor shooting range with a whole day's worth of practice targets [homestuck digression in f major, op. 69]

i've been kind of a wreck, is what im saying, lol.

this is bc one of my runner ducks was mauled on our property by an offleash domestic dog whi'd broken inside of their enclosure and my mental health skillset has proven ineffecient for this kind of trauma and emergency.

her condition is still very touch and go and her surgery if even possible will be extremely risky, expensive. like "her surgery where the anesthesia might just kill her anyway, or finishing your degree, pick one" expensive.

her name is splitzø, and it's pronounced like the word "split", the z and ø are silent. keep her in your thoughts, light a candle for her.

hell, light one up for me, too. not a candle tho, light up a fuckin fat blunt for me

or just light me a candle. or don't. just send good vibes to us, it helps a lot. ♡ i'm way more concerned abt her to the point where even tho it's not rly my thing to do, i probably can't go wrong stating on a public platform (affirmations are p powerful sometimes damn) that i need to prioritize myself in order to be able to give her care and that i need help too. i haven't even called my dr. about my colitis flare-up (i have colitis too it turns out, btw) gdi

she needs a lot more help than i do tho. i can't even imagine how much pain she's in. she doesn't seem to be outright suffering and she's been acting like herself (hard to tell w prey animals tho) and i hope she pulls through. it IS an injury that's possible to recover from.

i hope so. i raised her from since she was a day old little black goth fluffball of a duckling.

i don't have a gofundme or anything, i'm working on it, as well as emergency sales, and y'know getting a fucking job since my dumb ass quut mine at the worst time—

but, since she isn't exactly a relative of scrooge mcduck and my supportive family can only do so much, if anyone wants to donate towards her vet costs i'm not gonna say no, feel free to DM me.

and go tell your pets you love them and cherish them when u get a chance. 🖤

here's a photo i took a couple minutes after the attack. which it is AMAZING that she survived and that i intercepted it in time. it's amazing she only has injuries that are possible if uncommon to recover from. rn she looks exactly like she did before the attack (google "black runner duck". I promise they're a duck breed and not a variety of bowling pin)

she's doing amazing, all things considered. while she needs to be immobilized as much as possible inside her hospital cage in order for her to heal, she can hobble around, she's eating, drinking, bein a duck, still her sassy lil self. she's unfortunately a little terrified of me now bc i'm the bad guy who forces her to take her expensive prescription meds 😔

413 tomorrow and i probably can't celebrate with ya'll bc everything is Fuck but. im with u in spirit and ily. 💖