#im like one of those things that happens to turn into crabs

[lunnefisk]

its hard being trans and liking going bark but having nothing to do with puppygirls. im not one of those its a convergent evolution thing put the collar down

[sunny1616]

Deluded Pt. 1

Matteo Riddle x Reader

Summary: You and Matteo have a toxic yet addictive bond. Both of you know it and can't help but feed into it further. But what happens when the limit is found and crossed?

Warnings ⚠️: toxic relationship, swearing, arguing

"Sttawpp Matteeo.. i have to get to class..." Matteo, has you trapped in an outdoor alcove at the courtyard. His hands bracket your hips, and his head is nuzzled in the sweet spot between your neck and collar bone. At your request for him to stop his perusal of your neck, he responds with a giggle that tickles you under your jawline. "This is no joke! McGonagall will kill me if i show up late for the third time this month!!... MATTEO IM SERIOUS.." You then brace your forearms against his chest and push off.

"Comme onnn. That old witch won't notice. Know-it-all-Granger takes up all her attention in that class. I know you dont want to go, so why are you wasting this precious, precious time?.." At the last two words, his face is back on the same sensitive spot. And you wiggle again with less will to end it.

"Ughhh, at this rate, we both won't ever graduate. Don't you ever take anything at least a bit seriously?" This was partly a jest, but you also wanted to know if Matteo had the right priorities.

"Why do you have to ruin the mood? Who the fuck cares about school? Both our families are loaded anyway. You could work at any department at the Ministry even if you didnt pass Divination. Besides, no one goes to classes anyways. Blaise, Crab, Goyle, and Theo- even Pansy doesn't give a shit most of the time! BE MORE LIKE HER AND STOP KILLING MY BONER" He ends with an annoyed exasperation. You just gape at his complete disregard for school. Sure, you weren't a stellar student, but you gave at least 60% of an effort. Better than 0, duh?!

"I dont want to be like all those people!! If i want to do something worthwhile after grad, imma have to learn a thing or two to be of some use. My mommy and daddys money can't buy that STUPID!!" Eyes wide, you think about picking up your bag to leave, but before you can reach down, he's already hissing again.

"Holy fuck... your such a fucking tease right now. Fine. Go. I dont give a fuck. You're not irreplaceable, there are 20 other bitches that'll gladly take your place with me right now over some dumbass class." He then frenziedly takes out a cigarette and lights it. Not even looking at you.

After a pause and a breath, you finally say, "Wow. How fucking fragile are you? You cant even go a minute without having your dick wet can you? Its pathetic... Im sorry that i have other priorities than you, a raging manslut!! And since you have 20 other girls under me, i invite you to go to them because im sooo fucking done with your ass. They're all probably waiting oh so patiently too for me to let you go. Too bad for them to soon figure out what a DISAPPOINTING MESS YOU ARE."

"Haha yea right. Let's see how you like it when you can't have me. You're gonna wish you had chosen differently. While i on the other hand get to finally HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN. GO DRY YOUR PUSSY OUT WITH MCGONAGALL AND TRY NOT TO GET RUG BURN WHEN YOU CRAWL BACK TO ME." You're already halfway across the courtyard and dont even turn back when you scream:

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THE NUMBERS BETWEEN 0 AND 20 WHEN YOU COUNTDOWN YOU DUMB FUCKER!!"

You sort of speed stomp across the yard to reach the hallway. Then quickly go to the changing staircase to get onto the right set of stairs in order for you to arrive to class on time.

Now that the nerves of almost missing class have subsided, you are now fuming about everything else. How could he say all those things to you? Though you know Matteo and what he's capable of your delusional thoughts creep in to ask; did he truly mean all those things? He won't actually hook up with other girls, right? Deep down, you knew the answer but still refused to trust it. Matteo is more unlike his father than he is like his father. But in regards to keeping true to his threats, you could say it runs in the family.

Author note: i hope yall are angry at Matteo. Hehe. Part 2 coming soon!

[almostourgalaxy]

HFJ the wink had me 👀 what are you hiding /j so now im 👀 back for more Animal Motifs my beloveds

So certain animals represent different things across the board, but SOME mean different things for different regions.

Sharks are one of those. So are eels, and sea birds.

Sharks, for most ocean dwwvelling groups, represent wwvhat most human cultures see in lions or bears. Strength, powwver, authority, and bravvwery. Omens of good fortune and better eating.

They do NOT mean that if you livvwe in freshwwvater, wwvhere the only sharks you tend to see are BULL SHARKS, wwvhich are territorial and highly reactivvwe.

In the swwvamps, rivvwer deltas and peninsulas, Sharks mean blind rage, Vvwiolence wwvithout reason, and are usually used to represent invvwading forces (and clowwvns)

Eels mean to the freshwwvater folk wwvhat Sharks mean in the ocean. Saturn's name isn't an insult, it means the same as calling your son Leon, or Authur.

Sea Birds, especially gulls, are pests if you livvwe inland, and represent dishonesty and nonsense speaking. Most Tricker spirits are supposed to come as sea birds.

At sea, they mean hope, and are considered guiding spirits, because you can followwv them and are almost guaranteed to find land.

Beyond that: they don't like dolphins nearly as much as you'd expect. Not just because of... all of the shit dolphins do in general, but because they compete wwvith them EXTENSIVELY for food. And because, much like humans don't like animals that act a little too much like the bad parts of US, neither do they.

They tend to be associated wwvith demons, and CLOWWVNS. There's legends of Dolphins mimicking vvwoices and luring children off into the open ocean wwvhere they wwvould nevvwer be seen again.

The exception is Orcas. Representing Teamwwvork, Ferocity, resourcefulness, and matriarchal vvwalues, they are a FAVVWORITE of most sailor family coat-of-arms'.

Then you havvwe Cephalopods. Represent clevvwerness, protection of children(look into howwv often mother octopuses starvvwe guarding their eggs), and ferocity and coordination(Humboldt Squids man) often used as a holy symbol to invvwoke Gy'lbgolb's indirect protection wwvithout invvwoking HER.

Sea turtles symbolize memory, and invvwoke safe journey. Old Legends depict a wwvell knowwvn folk hero travvwelling wwvith a turtle to drag his murdered matesprite's soul back from the underwwvorld (it also invvwoulvvwed him using a seahorse's help to bargain wwvith the EverChase for her soul)

And there are wwvhole FOLK BALLADS about Penguins and Reef fish. If there's a fable happening, it WWVILL star one of the twwvo. Three-Penguins-Awwvayin' wwvas a VVWERY popular little wwvalkin ditty among the pups.

Then you havvwe the more fantastical animals. Like y'knowwv. Goat dad. The bane of evvwery sailor's existence WWVHY ARE YOU STILL A L I V E?

He's used to represent the church as a wwvhole.

Crabs and other shellfish are used to represent livvwestock animals, but MEAN Security and Self Sufficiency. Especially inland.

Catfish, shockingly, represent quick thinking and preservation in the face of impossible odds. They ALSO get used as the stock Villain-Turned-Companion in fables.

There are PLENTY of other animals that get brought up in legends and folklore, but they tend to be more minor.

[lordofdragos]

BIG WALL OF TEXT PART 2 GO

Spoiler warning for In Stars and Time!! Do not read if you think you'll play it in this or any other lifetime!!

HEY IT DIDN'T ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THIS RIGHT AM I CRAZY? (The spiral of self doubt and insanity begins)

YES I DO GAME SHUTTUP!!!!!!!!

HEY GUYS NO IMAGE HERE BUT UH DON'T GIVE MIRABELLE THE BOW GIFT WHEN SHE ALREADY HAS IT DO NOT CAUSE TIME DISTORTIONS But for real The game doesn't exactly feel like a loop It definitely feels like more of a distortion instead of a true loop ...Am I destroying the worlds I leave behind...?

UH HELLO I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO THE PILLAR YET WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING BOUT MEMORY OF PILLARS GANG RISE UP THOUGH I TOUCH ALL OF THEM

LMAO Sif is not a fan of this counter

Also the entire country up north just Disappeared? Thats not normal? Everyone is so calm about this?? I guess they have bigger fish to fry but still.....

BROS FACE I CAN'T DFSTDVBHUGFD

... We'll get there buddy don't give up

BRO THIS DIALOGUE ITS SO GOOD AND TRUE IM A CRAB THAT DOESN'T LIKE TO GO OUTSIDE BUT EVEN I ADMIT THAT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA GO OUT SEE THINGS IN PERSON AND TALK WITH PEOPLE FACE TO FACE AH THIS GAME

Ah yes. Blessing. I'm sure Sif won't regret thinking this at any point.

GOD IS THAT YOU

I HATE WHEN THE MUSIC GOES AWAY MY SKIN FREEZES AND CRAWLS

MIRABELLE SWEETIE I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW BUT WE GOTTA KEEP IT TOGETHER FOR JUST A BIT LONGER BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

That was definitely an 8/10 very good but could use more emotion I feel that though I'm not the greatest at emotions myself

I literally already said this but Sometimes I really don't like Bonnie because I'm bad with kids and as it turns out Since characters are REALLY well written in this game Bonnie talks and acts exactly like a kid This however This is not one of those times Bonnie you are wonderful ignore me when I am annoyed at you because Im a crabby adult

SHIT I MISSED CAPTURING FRINS FACE DUDE IT WAS SO CUTE I ZONED OUT THOUGH BECAUSE I GOT A MESSAGE ON DISCORD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THERE IT IS GARY THERE IT IS I GOT IT

hehe butt

Once again the game makes me appreciate Bonnie

FUNNYJOKESPUN PERSON TO THE RESCUE

I'm- I'm glad I can be here I wouldn't want to be anywhere else

Room before the King be like HEY STARDUST LOOK THERE ARE TEARS HERE DON'T FORGET TO KILL YOURSELF

AYO MUSIC CALM DOWN???

Oh yeah thats a big lad ain't it Also capturing Frin's expression here was important

Real Asgore energy opening up with "Young ones"

(You've been spotted...!)

Does he Does he mean like if I come back or or like that place no one can remember anything about anymore? CURSE YOU FUTURE KNOWLEDGE I DONT KNOW I WANT TO KNOW NOWWWWWWWWWWW

fight time something tells me its not gonna be me Oh yeah he's gonna like freeze everyone then pummel mirabelle to death or something horrific Odile examine be like "Be Prepared For Anything" Thanks was hoping to get anything remotely concrete

Wipe time? OH YEAH THAT CERTAINLY DOES IT EH Wipe time.

Sif appears to be in immense agony Me also being depressed because the game said allies instead of friends when talking about what happening when we were all dying

I- I didn't I didn't choose anything it just... ACHIEVEMENT GET THOUGH :D

Ok post scheduling time I don't think Im gonna finish these before the first one comes out should've given myself more buffer but oh well!!!

[hannahlovesluca]

Hi can i get a nijisanji matchup if u dont mind (:

Male nijisanji en member :DD

Pronouns:He/him(literally any of those)

Sexuality:Gay for the homies....jk im bisexual.But men.My favorite genre of men is men who seems cool-headed but turns hot-headed whenever he plays amongus cause they're so fun to annoy(i may not have a type,but i have a pattern.and that's men.That's it.I'm so sorry for putting you through this but this sounded funnier in my head)

Zodiac:...what is a zodiac.I was born on April 12th if that helps?

Appearance:176 cm,almost a literal twig(i make up strength with agility i swear),dark brown eyes,short fluffy(?) brown hair??like those kinda wavy hair thing tho sometimes i tuck my bangs behind my ear like a disney princess if the temperature's hot,i don't neccesarily wear edgy clothes,sometimes i just find what's comfortable or i dress like a manhwa male lead.One day you see me in a black turtleneck and white shirt and the next day you see me in a blown up two piece suit while playing the most random stuff ever.I guess i have like a small waist??my friends told me i have those thin waists than even a corset wouldn't affect me(send help) oh and i had an era where i had waist length hair and ended up cutting it out of impulse,i only have like 3 fingers on my left hand cause im missing a pinky and ring finger(i honestly dont have any trouble against it i just think its annoying that i cant remember what even happened to begin with)

Mbti:ENTP/INTP(sometime si get entp sometimes i get intp)

Personality:Pain in the ass.Metaphorically.I will not hesitate to say something so abominably horrendous for the sake of arguing cause it's my favorite passtime.I'm the embodiment of that one character who never dies in a series and die at the end of the series from a tapeworm cause it felt lonely--On super duper rare occasions i get serious when it comes to problems but that's just a whole nother person atp,i'd be serious and maybe waaaaay too logical and blunt....but i still have a sense of humor tho

Likes:When people just randomly ramble to me,random 3 am shower thoughts,crabs(they taste good i swear),the concept of death(not in the depressing way i meant as in 'what if i die from a washing machine while showering' type of thoughts),physical touch and affection,i'd literally propose to someone if they'd let me doodle(rick astley) on their skin for funsies

Dislikes:Curfews,this thing we call math,toxic parents like if i see one im deadass gonna roast the hell out of them and mentally adopt the child(this happened like 3 times and im a children magnet atp)

Love language:

Giving:Words of affirmation(affectionate insults),physical touch

Receiving:Words of affirmation(affectionate insults),quality time

Extra:I get hurt kind of often so they'd probably see bandage rolls in the trashcan everyday,i actually love math but the act of actually counting the numbers makes me sick/lh,my room is a literal shipwreck unless someone scolds me to actually clean up my room LMAO usually i have to keep up a reputation so sometimes it's a shock to people that think that im introverted

i pair you with…

Uki Violeta!

hear me out…

��� you are literally uki reincarnated

• i swear i didnt do this just because both of you are gay

• it works out great though

• you and fulgur probably jokingly fight for uki’s love

• omg imagine you went on Luca’s dating show and thats how you both realized that you loved each other

• might be writing a fic ab that…

• Uki knows your room is a wreck and he will FORCE you to clean that shit. he’ll also help u if u beg enough

• Uki also knows how often you get hurt and he’s always there to help, whether that be wrapping you up, or just giving you soft kisses <3

• HE LOVES UR HAIR!!!!!

• its just so fluffy and cute and adorable and

• sorry this is really short, i am extremely sick but i’m trying to pop out all these reqs!!!

RUNNERS UP: Fulgur Ovid, Claude Clawmark

[foster-the-moths]

oooo dont know anything abt pacific rim but hell yeah 👀

its just "humans use big robots to fight big monsters" basically LMAO but i realized it had some parallels to tmc so. i got a bit silly lol. putting it under a readmore bc its Long

brief pacific rim summary for those unaquainted: bascially monsters start appearing from the ocean and fucking shit up so humans make these big robots to fight them BUT its really dangerous and requires 2 people who are 'drift compatible' to pilot them (basically its the ability to control a big robot with ur mind while also being in sync). thats all u really need to know for this au i think

pacific rim au: this is based purely off of my memories of the first movie (which. i watched when it first came out in uhhh 2013!!!??!?! THIS MOVIE CAME OUT IN 2013??? 10YEAR AGO A DECADE??? WHAT THE FUCKanyways. um. i'm probably missing some stuff but whatever<3 -kaijus become a thing in like. idk 1980 or so. -by the time mark and cesar are 18 the big robots exist. what are they called. JAEGERS thats it. -mark and cesar get sort of. drafted into testing it out and find out they are drift compatible!! -i think in this au they are besties but. they could be worsties. maybe. perhaps toxic if thats what canon says. but in the origin draft of the au they are besties so im going with that -anyways they fight kaijus for a bit and they are pretty good at it!! until a kaiju attacks their hometown (or something. idk how an ocean beast would get to wisconsin. WAIT lake superior AND lake michgan flank wisconsin i can use this) -okay so. a kaiju comes out of the great lakes and the government is like"???? THEY CAN DO THAT??? fuck." and send mark and cesar to deal with it since they. live there -everything goes to shit when a kaiju (altcesar) attacks mandela, their hometown, and ALSO where sarah is!!! and shes like. 5 or smth -so mark is SUPER stressed out, his sister might be dead already, and to top it off?? the kaiju can like. idk hijack their drift link or whatever idk still working on that. im trying to incorporate alternate bs into how kaijus work -anyways mark is the one the kaiju targets and it uses cesar's voice/image to fuck him up and both cesar and mark die. and sarah watches it happen. oops. -sidenote: altcesar kaiju is based off of the crab one. bc sarah is loosely based off of the main protag girl in the movie whats her name. MAKO MORI. apparently. she watches her brother die + entire county get destroyed -another sidenote: since secar apparently DOESN'T die in canon. maybe he survives in this au?? mark is dead as hell tho :(( -anyways sarah is so so traumatized by that. however she is also VERY FUCKING ANGRY because uh. turns out mark and cesar were not the only ones patrolling winconsin!! thatcher and ruth were meant to be back up but uh. they. did NOT get there in time. and sarah thinks maybe if they had gotten there in time mark wouldn't have died. -speaking of those two. ANOTHER kaiju attacks mandela not too long after altcesar does and um. thatcher and ruth DO go out to deal with it but. ruth gets knocked unconscious during the fight. and thatcher can't wake her up. so half of their jaeger is just powered down and stationary while the kaiju rips its arms off and tears into the cockpit. eventually thatcher realizes he has to evacuate to save himself. he tries to bring ruth with him but he can't. -needless to say. thatcher is DEVASTATED. he feels like a coward, even if he DID follow protocol, and he never really forgives himself for leaving ruth behind. dave supports him through it, but. he never really recovers after that.

-…and fast foward 17 years, to the actual events of the au!! -bps is founded by sarah to um. idk actually i have NO fucking clue what they are doing in this au but it IS just. VERY ILLEGAL. and they get caught -however, the government can find literally nobody to pilot the giant murder death trap robots due to A) how rare a drift link (or. whatever its called im 99% sure its called that) is and B) nobody wants to fucking do that. so they just decided to say "hey. you guys are criminals. BUT if you go in the giant death trap robot AND you can pilot it then we'll forgive your criminal charges!! :)" because of course they would do that -anyways. bps agrees to this. and it turns out jonah and adam are drift compatible!! hooray!! they get to pilot a jaeger together -…which leaves sarah. due to testing her against adam and jonah, the government knows she CAN connect to a jaeger, and pilot one. she just needs a partner. -which is were thatcher comes in. he takes the place of the guy whos brother dies in the movie. -sarah is NOT FUCKING HAPPY about this. the moment she recognizes him she freaks OUT. immediately starts chewing him out. -however, she does have a deal to uphold, and she has to at least TRY to pilot the jaeger with thatcher. so they do a testrun and. it turns out they ARE compatible. -so with that the government goes "okay cool we're sending all of you to the faciltiy (or whatever idk)" and. sarah fights this tooth and nail until she realizes they. really don't give a shit LMAO -so she's stuck with thatcher. and her two idiot coworkers but thatcher is the real issue. -so they get shipped over to the training facility and. start training. -dave and evelin take the place of those two gay scientists. dave has so many kaiju tattoos n shit and evelin is just Normal. just kidding shes weird too shes just better at hiding it lol. evelin is officially his 'assistant' and mentor but dave treats her as an equal. they are silly scientist coworkers -dave and thatcher are also still friends. not sure if its strained or not but i dont think it is they can be silly. besties even. -i also think dave is sarahs estranged but still on good terms uncle. hes is ESTATIC to see sarah!! she hates that hes friends with thatcher but she is literall incapable of being mad at dave so she just takes it out on thatcher instead LMAO -also dave sits thatcher down and is like "y'know i think this is good for you actually. being a mentor figure really helped me w moving on i think you could really bond with my cool awesome neice :D!" "dave she tries to kill me every ten seconds" -anyways the au centers around sarah and her relationship with thatcher from one-sided enemies to eventual found family :)

other things: -adam glows in the dark and is just sort of fucked up. surely this means nothing (he is not entirely human) -oh yeah jude and lynn are killed by the same alternate that kills ruth. i think. or it was six but when thatcher and ruth are sent out altthatcher double teams them and thats why they failed. -vol 2 sort of happens (the girls are fighting) but jonah does NOT die. -dave gets hooked up to a kaiju brain like the guy in the movie and like. his brain implodes a little bit and his eyes bleed but hes (mostly) fine^^ -all of the alternates are kaijus i get to be soooooo silly with designs :3 -dave and sarah lost contact when sarah started bps so they are very happy to reunite -i am just making shit up about a movie i saw a literal decade ago so. um. im probably missing a lot of important stuff but oh well lol. -i also have a barebones alt version of this au where everyone lives and nothing bad happens and they just fight monsters. bc i got sad.

[cloudcountry]

Azul can’t deny the monetary rizz 😩👌

AND YESS RAMSHACKLE GANG AS GHOST HUNTERS WOULD BE GOLD 👌 It just made me think of a bunch of Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural quotes and,, I did a little thing 🧍

Deuce: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way?

Ace/Grim: No, I want my f*cking gold.

Ace: Am I in hell? Loop!Reader/Yuu: No, Ace. If you were, you’d be on a throne and the devil would be packing.

The gang: *hiding from a ghost*

Deuce: Don’t say a word!

Ace: …Fergalicious.

Deuce: Ace! What did I just say?

Ace: Oh, I see. So two weeks ago, when we all played Scrabble, it wasn’t a word, but now it is? How convenient for you.

Grim: Don’t worry henchman, everyone is afraid of something.

Loop!Reader/Yuu: Even you?

Grim: No.

Ace: Hey there, demons. It’s me, ya boy.

Deuce: I think I’m blacking out right now.

Loop!Reader/Yuu: F*ck you, Goatman!

Ace: Goatman, I’m dancing on your bridge - it’s my bridge now! You hear that?

Loop!Reader/Yuu: Look at the way he dances on it! He disrespects your bridge, Goatman!

Ace: You want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to kill me! You’re going to have to throw me off this bridge yourself!

Deuce: *freaking out in the back* Oh my god-

Ace: They’re gonna put my name in graffiti. Children will come and tell tales of me!

Loop!Reader/Yuu: Hey, you demon f*ck!

Deuce: 🧍

Also, while I’m here!! I was going through the notes I made for my TWST fics a little while ago, and I came across random notes I made for myself when I was up at 3 AM and very tired. Most make sense, but there are some that make me go “Huh? 🧍‍♂️” Like, for example:

‘Jade was the mushroom now.’

Hey, me from a month ago? What does this mean??

I hope you don’t mind me sharing some of those random notes!! They’re all separate from one another and they have,, no context-

~~~

“Holy woah,” Idia said to himself, “I just talked to a girl!” (He didn’t actually talk. He didn’t offer up a single word throughout the entire conversation.)

Jamil: Lilia, this crab is so undercooked, I can still practically hear it singing!

“Jade? Jade, I’m gonna fall. Jade. Jade, I’m falling. Jade. JADE–”

“(Name), you’ve barely moved.”

Azul took out his phone and (Name) had to hold back a laugh. Of course his phone case was a wallet.

Loop!Reader and Idia: *talking about video game characters*

Loop!Reader: Okay, but Idia… What if he was my babygirl, though?

Idia: (Name), he literally did war crimes.

Loop!Reader: To be a babygirl, you need to commit atrocities sometimes.

And for his next trick, Floyd became bedazzled.

Now, (Name) had no fears.

“Swordfishy!”

Well, one fear.

(Name) turned around to see Floyd sprinting at her on all fours. Naturally, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

And now, possibly my most favourite note:

“(Name) accidentally rizzes up Octavinelle students via kazoo”

Like?? What does this mean? How does this even happen?? I guess me from a month or so ago will be the only one who knows 💀

Jackdaw Anon 🐦

deuce embodying ryan is the realest thing ive ever read ^^; ace would totally be shane except he would be such a ryan the SECOND they find something that even REMOTELY resembles a ghost. hes a scaredy cat at heart. but the "no man yorue scared!! im not SCARED!!!" type...hes annoying (SIGH)

NO BC I MADE NOTES LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME A YEAR AGO???? IT WAS KINDA FUN TO RATTLING OFF IDEAS TO MY BEDROOM WALLS SAHDGJHSAGD and what does that mean....,.,,. im sure hes happy about it yk!!! being a mushroom and all

IDIA CANT TALK TO WOMEN THATS CANON. he cant talk to anyone actually but yk.

VIA KAZOO............THE WAY YOU PHRASED THAT MADE ME SNORT AJSFDHAGSDH no i get that.,.,. my notes are incoherent and sometimes i just dont remember what they mean oopsies

[soconfusedwithmylife]

nahh my guy not the sickness. ive also had fever Twice in just the last week like how in the fuck. the weather is flip flopping here so much even during the day so my body's pretty much like

omg i love subnautica!! ive been playing that shit since early access its one of my favorite games! but!! you foole! you baffone! i just build my base in the safe shallows and farm pretty plants and collect eggs to hatch and live out my best aquatic farmer life. my life philosophy is that any game can be a domestic simulator if you try hard enough. also im even scared of the fucking gasopods and everytime i have to retrieve something from the aurora (its stupid decorative shit and they take multiple runs cause they take so much space even with two storage upgrades on my seamoth and i have to have All Of Them) i am SHITTING myself and trying stay on the surface which makes me seamoth look like a dolphin the way it keeps jumping in and out of water. like mfs out there speedrunning this shit meanwhile it takes me 10 hours just to leave grassy plateaus like please T-T one time i was on the laser island and saw a time capsule near shore and as i was trying to get to it a fucking warper stARTED TO WALK ON SAND TO GET TO ME. so anyways i deleted that save and downloaded a mod to make them extinct. anytime the game tries to spawn a warper the mod nopes it out of existence it feels me with a sick joy. omg i talked too much again hnnng sorry i hope these are not boring oh well you can always delete them

also that tomura and dabi bit is so out of the place did i send the ant message?? i remember writing it but i dont remember if i sent it or not, although if you just wanted to randomly declare tomura god mid sentence thats valid too and i also have an unhealthy habit of randomly declaring tomura god like old ladies with their religions

Dang 💀 we both got it rough rn. I hope you're feeling better though! And the weather where I am has been so cold, it's so nice after the heat of the summer. I wish it was winter all the time.

And SAME. I remember watching Markiplier play it during early release and getting it day 1 on my PS4. It's also one of my faves but God, does it give me bad anxiety 💀 anytime I'm not in the safe shallows, grassy plains, or the kelp forest, I'm jumping at every noise. I like to act like I'm a total beast going to the inactive lava zone and standing on top of the lava castle in my prawn suit but the moment I see a warper, I'm out of there. No thanks, nope, not for me 🪦 I also prefer the aquatic farming simulator. It brings me joy to build the alien containment and fill it with eggs. Especially cuddle fish. I also, prefer to have my base totally decked out to the 9's but I DESPISE reapers. If I had enough courage to kill them all, I would but I'm on console so no commands and I'm too scared to shank them to death. WARPERS. no cause explain why I had the EXACT same thing happen to me?!? I almost had a heart attack when I turned around and saw it eye to eye staring at me 💀 then one of those jumping crab things bit me and I turned off my PS4 in a panic and lost an hour worth of gameplay.

You are NEVER boring. I apologize for taking so long to reply. I've been very busy and bey sick but I really do love hearing from you. I could literally talk about Subnautica and below zero for hours. I love those games so much. And I'm so glad you love Subnautica too cause 😫😫 (I wonder if theres a text limit? Cause you said yours was long but mine is longEST)

Yeah that was about the ant message 💀 I didn't want to blow you up so I tried to answer in one. But yes, I have a small alter for both. I am but a pious follower of shigadabi-ism. Praise them 😩 (I'm not crazy, I swear 💀 I just like them an unhealthy amount)

[slocumjoe]

Gage with Sole that gets lost in nuka cola world? Like he doesnt pay attention to them for one second and they already wandered off and has no clue where they at "gage pick me up im scared and there are flying ants"

aka my experience being underleveled and doing the hardest areas of the park first :'D

Gage and Overboss's No Good, Very Bad Vacation In Nuka World

Realistically, Gage should have anticipated it. It's was a theme park, they were designed to be massive labyrinths with money sinks at every corner. The bigger and more confusing it is, the more likely someone will get lost and wander, and hopefully stumble into a shop or something. This is basic Capitalist Design 101.

Another thing he should have expected was that there were damn good reasons the other parks weren't already full of raiders, living the high life. Colter didn't do it because he was lazy; no one else did for fear of death. Gage himself never heard of anyone coming back from the other parks, that means they don't.

So, really, he should have considered it his own damn fault for not thinking about it, the first time he lost track of his shiny new Overboss.

That first time, it happened in that bottling plant. They went into a door, he followed behind, they went into another door, and another, and shit got weird from there when the soda river erupted with crabs.

He killed some crabs. They killed some crabs. He turned to see where they were killing crabs and saw jack shit.

It was then that he realized that the bottling plant was echoey as fuck, and he hadn't been behind them for...a good ten minutes, at least, just following noises that came from God knows where.

Gage didn't know the layout of the place. Neither did they. The fact that the river is just one line doesn't help shit, because there's employee tunnels, manufacturing, the rest of the plant. The plant was fucking big. They could have been anywhere. Whererever they were, there was more fucking crabs. And Gage, being a good underling who had to pull a lot of strings to get to this point in the first place, wasn't very okay with the idea of his boss being crab dinner.

So he hit the legs, backtracking through tunnels, the walkways above the bottling zones/whatever the fuck those were. Kept finding crabs he didn't kill, good start. Kept hearing gunfire, grenades, crab-screaming. Less good. Ended up back on the soda river (what the fuck was wrong with these people). Accidentally triggered every fucking pre-recorded line from the intercom, which drowned out the shit he needed to hear. At this point, Boss has been fighting for their goddamn life for twenty minutes, and the walls had started to melt into one big blob of samey-samey. Not even the sky was this blue.

Eventually, they found him, pursued by six hunters. He killed some crabs. They killed some crabs. He turned around, grabbed them, and was about to threaten to put them on one of them toddler leashes if they wandered off like again. But then a pack of Assaultatrons kicked down a door and they jumped in different direction away from the lasers. Ran down different hallways. Found more crabs. Killed more crabs, pursued by Assaultatrons. He knew Boss ran back into the river, because the all of Announcer Lady's lines were playing over and over each other, like the layers of hell condensing into a pure diamond of auditory psychology warfare.

Gage didn't notice when the chaos stopped, when the robots and crabs started dropping. It just happened and he had to take a breather, find his happy place. When he met back up with the boss, they were covered in stab wounds from stimpaks, used all their ammo and grenades, and thought that a suit of power armor made up for it.

The power armor did do well against the crab kings on the roof. It did not survive the Queen in the pond.

After this, he pulled them aside, told them to slow the fuck down and not charge through places like a drunk bull in a china shop. They said yes, Gage, I will definitely do that, and I will definitely proceed with caution and carry extra supplies on my personal.

They did, for their credit.

The Mr. Frothy's, however, didn't let that stay true for long.

Both of them took one step into Galactic World, and a fucking soda nuke dropped in between them. And again, they scrambled for different cover. Then a Frothy went after Gage, and the soda bomber bot went after the boss, and they had to separate again.

It'll be fine, he thought, I'll just kite around this corner that leads back into the main area, this wall is like three feet wide, this doesn't lead into a different level entirely.

It did.

Gage made it to the middling level of the Galactic Zone, every eyebot swarming like they wanted fresh meat or some shit, and the Overboss was running from the Nukatrons and a Mr. Frothy screaming about strangling them. Couldn't go the way he came, had his own robot fixated on asphyxiation behind him. Kept running. Then the laser turrets kicked on, and this was now an exercise in agility and being God's favorite.

When the robots patrolling the park finally all died, it was midnight, Gage was half-dead, had no ammo, and no indication that the overboss was alive, save Redeye's music playing at full volume somewhere nearby. Back to Nuka-World for supplies, sleep, and a nervous breakdown.

The next day, they took on the Vault attraction.

It seemed like things were looking up. Sure, the boss got lost looking for...what, stickers on the walls? Something with dumb bottle-cap glasses. But the robots were few and far between, the space was small and linear enough Boss couldn't wander off too far, and they made it out having not used all of their ammo. It was a good sign.

They went to the Interstellar Theatre, next.

Boss had the good idea to go in quiet, sneak around. They found an elevator up to the projection room, found a starcore, and figured that the area was clear, or at least mostly safe. They just cut all the power, after all.

The robots are motion activated.

Fighting turrets, protectatrons, Mr. Handy's in the dark was bad enough. But whoever the fuck put a sentrybot in a theatre, Gage hoped they went to hell.

He found the boss trying to drown themselves in a water fountain, when the last bot went down.

Back to Nuka-World for ammo, stimpaks, and another nervous breakdown as a treat

I saw a robot fighting ring, Boss said. The bots would have already killed each other in there, they said.

So they went to the Robco Battleground.

One or two robots, the rest were dormant. Thank. God. Boss found some starcores, some good loot, went into a door in a basement with robots.

The door shut and maglocked behind them. The pre-recorded announcer starting up the match. All those dormant robots in the basement woke up. On one side of that door, the Overboss fought for their goddamn life with a bunch of tincans. On the other, Gage did the same damn thing. When it opened back up, guess what they did? Yep, back to Nuka-World for stimpaks, ammo, and another nervous breakdown. And a shower, because flammable oil is not a good thing to be covered in, when using firearms. Gage heard the boss muttering and giggling about laser turrets to the plush toy sloth they picked up, and wondered if he would have to put them down out of mercy.

And then the fucking...Nuka Galaxy ride.

So dark. So big. So long. It was the longest attraction at that fucking park. Couldn't see your hands in front of you. Gage could have lost his mind in that section with the giant fake rocks. Found a lot of dead people who did, anyway. Once the Frothy's came barreling out from a hallway, yet again, the Boss went one way, he went the other. When they killed the bots, had to marco-polo triangulate their way back to each other. And then the area with the giant UFOs, and no lighting on the scaffolding. Who the fuck made this park? None of this was OSHA compliant, surely. You know what's even less OSHA compliant?

Laser turrets on EVERY FUCKING WALL.

Laser turrets on every UFO, every ceiling, every wall, every stairwell, every giant fake rock, laser turrets everywhere. Why? Why would Nuka Cola Corporation think they needed this many? Were they expecting two dipshit raiders to come strolling on through, and hated them, specifically? They weren't fucking ashing little Timmy for lifting from the gift shop, right?

You know what else sucks? Laser turrets high above you, in a pitch black corridor, where there's a drop just mere feet in front of you.

Boss didn't get lost in here because Gage grabbed them by the scruff of their shirt if they so much as leaned too far away. No, he doesn't care what shiny thing you see, you are staying within arm's length. Fuck treasure, fuck Galactic Zone, and fuck John Nukacola, or whatever his name was.

Gage never again let them get more than five feet away from him, after Galactic Zone was cleared, and the boss never again had to whisper hateful nothings about laser turrets to their sloth toy.

[jikooksgirl19]

My Soulmates 1

Genre:Soulmate AU, fluff,angst, eventual smut

Pairing: Idol Jimin x Lawyer Reader x Idol Jungkook

Warnings: some swearing (Y/N has a trash mouth sometimes)

A/N: I’m so excited to bring you my story. I hope you all enjoy this first chapter.

Please read the teaser and prologue first if you haven’t already.

*********************************************************************

October 7, 2018 4:36pm

The boys had been practicing since 8am that morning with limited breaks, and were tired and hungry. They were all going to dinner and begin making their way to the elevator, laughing and joking with each other. Namjoon was deep in thought when the doors of the elevator opened and a woman came out barreling right into the midst of the group. Her head was down, and she seemed absorbed in something on the iPad she held in her hands when she must have realized what she had done. Namjoon heard her gasp and reach out towards Jimin and Jungkook and thought she might be trying to steady herself as they were reaching out to her as well. He couldn’t believe it when they all began collapsing on the floor, the other boys trying to catch them. He noticed that the three were still grasping onto each other, and a red ring began to encircle their ring fingers and travel up their arms. The other boys were staring at this as well and they looked at each other shaking their heads. All of them mumbled the same thing

...”Oh Shit!”

You felt warm and cocooned for some reason. It was so cozy and you didn’t want to wake up. Wait, when did I go home? Your thoughts were hazy and you were trying to figure out where you were. You tried to stretch and found yourself bumping into something hard. As you started groping around you realized that this was not your pillow at all but felt like a chest. A mans chest. You have never moved so fast as you just did sitting yourself up. “What the hell...!” You look and see you are on a bed with not one but two boys cuddled up around you. Fear immediately sets in as you look around the room and see sleeping figures on another bed and couch.

“What the fuck...!” You said out loud quickly slapping both your hand over your mouth so as not to awaken the men in the room. You are in bed with, and surrounded by BTS. They are the worlds most famous boy band. They are the Nations Treasures. THEY ARE YOUR CLIENTS!!! Your mind explodes right then and there. You think to yourself ’What Tumblr, A03, Wattpad fanfic did I just wake up in.’

‘OH MY GOD IM IN A COMA!!!! That has to be it. There cannot be any other explanation. I’m in a coma and I transported into some sucky ass wannabe Hallmark Movie’.

All you can think of is that you have some sort of brain tumor and have fallen into a life altering, dream fugue-like state and all your teenage and young adult fantasies are blending together therefore you have conjured up some poly bias delusional weirdness in yor muddled brain. This isn’t real...this isn’t real... this isn’t real....... You pinch yourself and...oh shit that hurt. You struggle to get off the bed which isn’t easy by any means when two pairs of arms AND legs keep trying to pull you back down. You debate screaming bloody murder when you hear someone speak.

“You’re awake”. You turned your head and saw someone sitting up rubbing his eyes looking at you. You recognized the leader of said boy band Namjoon from the many many posters around BigHit.

“I am” your voice sounding more calm than you felt. “Can you tell me where I am and why I’m here with all of you like some weird slumber party?” You we’re holding on the the last shreds of professionalism that you could before screaming to the high heavens.

“You don’t remember finding your soulmates” he asked?

“Excuse me, my what now?” You cocked your head like you didn’t hear him right. “What on earth are you going on about? Soulmate, I don’t have a soulmate.”

“Soulmates” he corrected. By now some of the other members were starting to wake up.

“I AM in a COMA”. You were starting to babble incoherently in a mix of Korean and English with some well placed Spanish swear words your mother used to use when you were little and she was mad. You we’re starting to panic and began trying to climb off the bed all the while the two boys on your bed were snoozing away like nothing was happening. You managed to fall off of the bed and skittered backwards like a crab til your back hit the wall. You slapped your cheeks willing yourself to wake up.

Namjoon looked next to him and asked “Jin can you call Yuna? I think she may be able to help out with...” he looked at you realizing he didn’t know your name. Jin got up and walked towards the window to call someone.

“Y/N. Sona Y/N.” I...I..I’m a temporary lawyer working at BigHit on some of your international contracts. I’d like to say nice to meet you but maybe when there’s a less murdery vibe and location.” You were quickly getting your bearings together and began to gather your composure. “Now can you please tell me why I’m here being cuddled to death by those thing one and thing two over there” you point towards the bed. Several giggles and laughs were heard at this. You on the other hand were not sure what was so funny.

A deep voice in the corner answered this time. “Well thing one and two as you called them, or as we like to call them Jimin and Jungkook are your soulmates “ he said matter-of-factly like it was everyday normal. “I’m Taehyung, you can call me Tae or Tae-Tae to piss them off if you want.” His big boxy grin made him look like a mischievous child You couldn’t help but give him a wary smile. Someone else, you think it was J-Hope came towards you and thrust forward a hand. You cautiously took it and he helped you up from the floor. You began dusting off your skirt and straightening your blouse internally thanking the almighty upstairs that you were still clothed while eying all of them suspiciously. “I’m Hoseok, but you can call me Hobi if you want.”

Jin turned around after hanging up and offered you the only chair in the room. You quickly shuffled over sitting down and tried to ask again why you were here. In a bedroom, on a bed with your soulmates and their band mates all in the same room. “ Can someone please just tell me what happened?” Your voice staring to crack as you were close to tears. “This just feels too extrodinary to believe. You keep saying I have soulmates, as in plural. I didn’t even know that was possible.” It was then that you looked at your left hand and saw the red string tatoo. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME....Did I have a stroke? How...what...why...” your words became so jumbled you weren’t making any sense and you were pretty sure a panic attack was just a moment away from tackling your neurotic ass into submission. Jin kneeled in front of you telling you to breathe. “ In through the nose....out through the mouth Y/N. You can do it just breathe in and out, in and out...that’s it, you got it, in...out.” You sat there holding his hands while Tae began rubbing your back in circles as they were trying their best to calm you down. Jin explained to you that he also has a soulmate named Yuna and she is ready to come talk to you about what being attached to an idol can be like.

Across the room you heard a groggy voice “Uugghhhh....get off me Jungkookah. Why are we in bed? What happened” could be heard from the bed you just left. Jimin was sitting up while shoving Jungkook off of him and staring around the room. Jungkook fell off the bed. He jumped up and was getting ready to tackle his hyung who knocked him down when his eyes landed on you. He was confused as to why a woman, a very pretty woman, but a woman nonetheless was sitting in their studio bedroom at BigHit, surrounded by four of his hyungs. “Um, hello” he said quietly making Jimin look in the same direction. Eyes got wide when he also said a quiet hello and then proceeded to ask Namjoon “ What’s going on. Who is she and why are we all in here. I thought we were going to dinner?”

“See, I’m not the only one confused” you exclaimed louder and much squeakier than you meant. “Apparently we are soulmates” you say while gesturing to the both of them and yourself. “Surprise “ you say throwing up jazz hands and beginning to laugh at the outrageous looks on both of their faces.

“Who, who is your soulmate?” They both say at the same time.

Namjoon looks at you knowing you are barely holding on at the moment and answers for you. “All three of you are soulmates”.

They stare at each other then at you then at the group and both start laughing. “Ok ok, good joke hyung, stop playing around. Did you knock us out and this is a mystery mission? “ “Are we on a run BTS episode we didn’t know was being filmed?” They took turns asking like this was a prank or something.

When they see no one other than you are deadly serious they stop and start to freak out as well. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” They look at each other only to both shout out that they couldn’t be soulmates. Why is it just happening now after knowing each other all these years. Brothers yes, soulmates no. NOPE. NO WAY, WHAT THE FUCK.

You get up and walk over to them. You grab both of their left hands and show them the tattoos. You peek inside your shirt and confirm you have the soulmates date above your heart, and tell them to check their chests as well. You strangely feel calm being around the two of them and less like a victim of some K-Pop Serial Killer drama that you stepped into, and you realize they also both settle down while you’re holding onto them.

Namjoon gets up and begins to explain that though it’s rare, there are known cases of multiple soulmates. They are harder to find because all of the mates must be together for their souls to connect. Once they do connect though the bond is stronger than a normal soulmates bond and can come with difficulties due to the relationship aspect of it. Prejudice often follows a poly soulmate connection due to the narrow mindedness of society and can often be looked down on. He tells the three of you that you should tell management right away so they can have a plan in place. Fans aren’t always supportive of their bias’s soulmates, and Y/N having two of the most popular idols in Korea as hers are going to come with challenges. Especially with you being a foreigner.

You three look at each other and back at Namjoon, silently agreeing to these terms. He also suggests you three need time together alone to get to know about each other because you all three had different lives leading up to today, and it would be best to figure out where you all should go from here. Other people’s feelings and relationships are going to be affected by what has happened and you all needed to be prepared for any backlash.

“Ok, now that this is all settled can we please get some dinner?” You hear from the other bed where apparently Yoongi has been napping throughout all the mental breakdowns.

To be continued...

Taglist: @mrcleanheichou @itsminniekat @dreamescapeswriting @seaoffangirling @4evahevah @sonderkook @bisexualmess007 @chxustuff @aviwasabi21 @skyys-universe @ally22042000 @ramblingsofawolfgirl

[polythremed]

wheres the essay op i want whitsun bugs

there might not have been an essay before, but there is now! bugs and inverts are hugely overlooked. however, the victorians loved insects! they were huge inspirations in art, shells were used in fashion, so what would be more vogue than a giant bug for a pet?

(Punch, September 29, 1877)

the bulk of this talk will be under the cut but tl;dr is that arachnids still offer a lot of potential, beetles and moths live in the neath and were popular at the time, and there are a lot of lesser-known bugs that fit fallen london

also cw for bug images because there’s a lot of them beyond here, this is for people with good taste only

firstly: arachnids

FL has a lot of arachnids and this year’s whitsun saw the introduction of a squirrel with a scorpion tail! i think it’s a fun design personally, but arachnid companions are Not obsolete. the most relevant arachnids are crabs, and crabs are more varied than you might think!

(image by abc.net.au)

the yeti crab was the first crab to come to mind, related to hermit crabs and living in hydrothermal vents in the deep ocean. it means we’ve got another underground beast, and could you imagine this as a spired crab? it could be the product of shapeling arts, and the yeti crab’s famously hairy arms have the potential to be used as arm warmers or 1890s uggs for the discerning londoner!

there’s also the japanese giant spider crab, which might be more lanky than it’s neathy angler crab cousins, but look at those legs! how big do you think it is? how about taller than the average person?

you have to understand how badly i want to be this man they also inhabit vents near the bottom of the ocean (the crabs, not this man), they’re omnivores and one specimen’s measured in at 3.8 metres (12ft) across its outstretched legs! it’d probably be a dreaded companion by the sheer size of it, but imagine the walking sticks you could get from those legs

arrowhead crabs and horseshoe crabs are also runners up for this!

mites also came to mind, being small arachnids- the mite above is an adult female tea mite, and not much is known about mites! they’re primitive but have a terrible reputation, and FBG have shone the spotlight on other unloved creatures in the past. there’s also Caveat Emptor which tells us that the bazaar has parasites which are probably like mites? you could have your own romance vampire, surely nothing could go wrong

and if you’ve come here for spiders, how about the pelican spider? with a pelican-like head, pelican spiders prey exclusively on other spiders! isn’t that a fun way to counter sorrow spider infestations? introducing new species is a good thing, right?

higher tiers of this companion could start to own the whole pelican thing. i’ve seen monster designs of spiders with human heads but never a spider with a pelican head!

(image by me)

all he needs is some love and spiders

close arachnid contenders that i want to mention before this whole post is made up of eight-legged companions: camel spiders, harvestmen, and whip scorpions!

secondly: beetles

as john b. s. haldane once said, “god has an inordinate fondness for beetles”. and he’s right because there are more known species of beetle than types of mammal

in fact, the victorians fucking loved beetles (and butterflies but we’ll get to that)

we have phosphorescent scarabs as luminosity items and a few mentions of beetles in airs texts and in sunless sea, the latter where a beetle has been eating through your ship’s supplies. being from england, i have a vague idea of what sort of beetles would end up in london!

there are still stag beetles, rove beetles, and even cardinal beetles, but these by themselves might feel pretty basic. they’d be good t1 companions, but why not have a companion that’s a whole insect keeping setup? there’s even some colourful beauties like the scarlet malachite beetle which are now incredibly endangered

but if you want something Huge and Large and easily convertible into a fashion accessory, hercules beetles have a lot of potential! horns that can be used for knives in dockside brawls, or you could take most of the bug features and place them on a furry animal like a guinea pig since seas already gave us the guinea page

these beetles could also add diversity for the phosphorescent scarabs- and speaking of phosphorescent beetles, why not look to fireflies? they aren’t fire and nor are they flies, but to carry on with FBG’s habit of “slapping animals together to see what happens”, you could easily make something with the features of a firefly larvae

or you could take the even more interesting approach of having a grub the size of a cat, for example. hercules beetles have some of the largest larvae and the feast of the rose gave us maggots, so why not have one of these babies but the size of a cat? and glowing? they’re a possible light source that might make you more bizarre or respectable

a close runner up that i wanted to mention was diving beetles and how freaky they can get if they’ve adapted to the zee but the sabretooth longhorn beetle is going to close this segment as an embodiment of a dangerous and respectable companion- it already looks like it’s been carved out of wood! i think a carved polythreme beetle would be incredible

(see also: bombardier beetles, weevils, oil beetles, tiger beetles, harlequin beetles, trilobite beetles, and giraffe weevils!)

moths, and less commonly found underground, butterflies

another love of the victorians: butterflies!

butterflies are basically moths by a different name (there are way more moths than butterflies) and we do have canon dreams where a frostmoth the size of your head appears in your window, and wouldn’t that be useful for hunting in parabola? much like the beetles, there’s a lot of diversity that can be explored especially if we add shapeling arts

white plume moths are also found in the UK and just look at those wings

we can have a usual approach of adding the wings to something else, like a particularly unlucky bat, or just have something bizarre with the moth itself! more eyes? more eyes has been a common theme lately, or you can combine an insect with an arachnid and give it whip scorpion hands

these wings would be one hell of a decoration because white plume moths are considered to be micromoths

on the other end of the spectrum and taking the role of a respectable companion, the white witch moth is considered to be one of the largest insects on earth because of its wingspan! maybe they’re a more risky cousin of the frostmoth, maybe you could turn the markings on these wings into shifting sigils? don’t set your moths on fire

(image by Acrocynus)

white witch moths themselves have a lot of diversity while cup moths are another contender for an animal you could combine with another animal

(image by itchydogimages)

why not add the tail of a squirrel to this one? or a scorpion’s tail? a lion? with enough of these, you could end up with a very striking tawny coat. this thing is the embodiment of being neathproofed. even if they’re opposites of frostmoths and are associated with embers because of it, or if the tail is closer to being a candle!

moths are also good at mimicking in order to defend themselves, which is why you see so many moths and butterflies with eye patterns on their wings. birds hate eyes so much so there’s room for some real eyes on your brand new butterfly or moth companion

but some moths also mimic snakes, so for any fingerking fans out there: behold the atlas moth

this is such a mithridacy companion. can you imagine the t3 version of this where the snake heads are alive? we have a two-headed terror bird, so why not snakes on a moth? there’s even jokes to be made about one head telling truths and another telling lies, maybe the only head that could tell you the difference is the moths!

for butterflies themselves, we have butterflies that drink the tears of alligators and tortoises- so melancholy butterflies that only appear to feed on lacre? (and they might not be butterflies down here, you might’ve already mistaken a day-flying moth for a butterfly, not that the difference matters for much in the neath)

another strong mention is vampire moths if we’re carrying on the theme of insects drinking odd things, but a vampire moth with bat wings could be wonderful at ruining the lives of taxonomists

luna moths are also massive and could be more fitting now that we know who the creditor is, and that whitsun is talking so much about the bazaar and the masters

other lesser-known but interesting insects

we don’t entirely need to cover bees and wasps but it would be nice to have a piece of media showing wasps in a way that doesn’t present them as evil, but wasps could wait until hell is really significant again since wasps and bees are incredibly cool cousins. and thread waisted wasps!

(image by Bev Wigney)

get a load of that! these don’t even have the ability to sting humans, what would a thread waisted wasp-themed spindlewolf look like? how much shadowy with something with these colours give you? imagine the corsets inspired by these things

assassin bugs are another dangerous option considering how good they are at hunting other insects, and the neath wouldn’t be complete without more creatures that burrow underground and can find themselves in this weird cavern

(image by Fir0002)

their forearms are specifically developed to dig! perhaps they can dig through a rival’s belongings, or perhaps you can fashion their claws into brass knuckles or a belt buckle?

(image by faraaz abdool)

another fashionable, lesser-known invert is the velvet worm! we have plenty of slugs in fallen london, but you know what they’re lacking? legs

about 200 species of velvet worms have been described and they’re already quite rare! they all fall under the onychophora name and there isn’t anything else like them. you could easily have some persuasive with this, or if you turn it into a stole that can hold however many hands you want!

(image by docj96)

also, thrips! i found out about these today and apparently you’re likely to hear about them if you’re into gardening. sometimes they have crab claws for forelegs, so hey- more bazaar similarities! they have an interesting method of flight (clapping their wings together) but this might not bee too impactful unless you want a novel way to raise your investigating

flies are also criminally underrated, but i couldn’t tell you how many flies live in fallen london. stalk-eyed flies, however, are gorgeous things that would work so well as t2 companions! you could even go all out with a horsefly taking on attributes of an actual horse

(image by minden pictures)

the stalk eyed fly sees you five minutes before you can see it

there are genuinely so many more that come to mind (even neathy types of mantis- orchid mantids that have adapted to blend in with mushrooms! imagine!) but a good way to finish this off is with a love story

there are centipedes who will guard and hold their young close to them! giant centipedes are protective mothers and you can get hundreds of companions in one- or perhaps just one companion who really misses her hundreds of kids. and they hold their eggs just as carefully whilst waiting for them to hatch!

isn’t that a good love story? there’s a lot you can combine this with, but i’ve spent most of today writing this one! do with these creatures what you will, i definitely enjoyed talking about neathy possibilities for insects!

(bogleech also has a fantastic article on insects that should be used as the basis for pokemon designs, if you want even more out there bugs be sure to look here)

[foryouthegays]

spreading propaganda [Dream SMP] liveblog yall lets go. this is so long i am sorry but the end is an actual summary of what happens asldkfa

sellout timer pog: 00:30:20, 01:00:40, 01:31:35, 02:02:03 (for like a second), 02:03:00, 02:34:35

time spent reading donations: 10 minutes, 20ish seconds. 

fanart credit he puts up (all from twitter i think): snumkt, reinneart, lihnsu, sestqr, jester_u, Brigade_Lost, natonyy

also taggin @antarctic-empire-technoblade​ :) theres an actual summary at the end that isnt just me ramblin so,,,,,,ye. i am so sorry its so long a;dkfja i dont know how to condense things 

00:00:35 “i stole a lot of sand recently,” ah yes, a casual conversation starter, the admission of theft 

00:03:55 hE HAS A VILLAGER TRADING HALL CHAPEL IN THE VILLAGE SIR THAT IS ILLEGAL 

00:04:13 

tubbo: -..--...--- 

ranboo: that means beans right

no, ranboo, not it does not (i put it into a translator and it just. it doesnt mean anything. i didnt see any spaces so im just. what was mr tubbo trying to say

00:04:35: relationship advice with technoblade! [reading donation] “‘techno, my boyfriend said he’ll never sub to you, how do i handle this travesty?’ uh, clearly you need to break up with him, and send me more money, is the most- that’s the most unbiased opinion I can give you, it’s just a good life decision, alright? It’s just a good life decision.”

00:16:00 ranboo hi!!!! him garden :D 

HOUND ARMY HOUND ARMY 00:18:10

00:20:15 ‘i have not made a tier list [for dinosaurs] yet’ Y E T? ? ? ?? ? 

00:20:55

“‘Hey, are you uncomfortable with being part of the SBI family dynamic?’ Uh, I don’t really- it’s not a matter of being uncomfortable, it’s just a matter of people making massive revisions to my character and the lore three months into the story without telling me, and it’s like, ‘no, that doesn’t- the story doesn’t- so many things don’t make sense now! What?? What???’ but if you want to make like, fanart of it, it’s fine”

00:21:25 imagine believing in airplanes, couldnt be me

00:21:35 SKLDJFAK a dono is like, hey can u call my new cousin a nerd, and technos like [claps] yOUVE COME TO THE RIGHT MAN im all about bullying infant children 

lakjshdfl 00:26:15 ‘philza this does not sound lore at all please’ poor techno

00:27:30 HKJSFDL :crab: TUBBO IS GONE :crab: also i cant tell if techno says ‘KILL HIM DEAD’ or ‘KILL HIM, DAD’ 

00:30:20 ‘we should have a grinch episode, where i go around stealing presents from l’manburg’ DO IT

also i was in chat at 00:31:25ish and i said ‘subscribe to technoblade’ and RIGHT AFTER techno said ‘did i hear subscribe to technoblade?’ and i felt so heard 

00:33:25 why is his only response to being seen in enemy lines to just stay realllyyyyy still a;lkdfjasf 

00:39:45 ‘this is crucial information coming to you live from anarchy news’ A;LSDKFJA;LSDF

00:46:25 :CRAB: RANBOO IS GONE :CRAB: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES 

alkdfja; 00:47:55 techno talks (sarcastically) abt how great it is when chat tells him where his stuff is

00:48:50 awww techno showin his not-dad his hound army!!! so cute 

00:55:30 techno specifies that theyre all characters/roleplayin!!!

techno talkin to phil is literally like a kid talkin to his dad after not seein him for a while. like yeah yeah family isnt canon in this but KSJDFLA hes like ‘phillll tommys being annoying also look at this new poster!!!!’ its so cute

01:09:20 A;SDJFADSL THE VILLAGER JUST. FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR

techno nd phil reference smp earth at 01:19:50!!!!

(ik some people dont like enbyctechno so heres ur warnin, its just for this line tho) techno says ‘no one man should have this power’ but he HAS that power. therefore. mr c!blade is not a guy 01:35:00ish idk im not goin back to check

01:38:35 alright gang lets split up and look for clues 

01:45:20 ‘my chat’s sayin theres a 0% chance this is gonna work,,,,thATS A CHANCE I’M WILLING TO TAKE, CHAT’ skjdflasl;dfjaf (also, bit after, after readin the wiki say its 0% chance: ‘i like those odds’) 

01:48:15 [abt the zombie villager baby] 

Techno: on the bright side, we may have inflicted the optimal amount of trauma onto this child for it to become funny? 

Ranboo: ooooh yeah! it can become a minecraft youtuber!

techno: yeeeeeeah!!

pls get some therapy

a;ldkfassa the mental image of techno ownin an orphanage,,,,paldkfajslfasf 01:51:35

a;ldsifjasdklf ranboo is canonically a villager now, pog 01:56:50

01:57:50 ranboo: ‘they say that im built different, i am built different, in the fact that i have no moral backbone.’

01:58:30 BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD also why is techno so good at the bow like WHAT he looks in third person and turns nd shoots in like a second and hits most of the time its scary literally look at ranboo a;ldsjkfadsf hes like a porcupine 

ASKLJDFASLDF RANBOOS ‘OH NO HE KNOWS HOW TO OPEN DOORS’ AT 02:02:25 JUST HAS SUCH TECHNO SKYBLOCK VID VIBES ADLKJFALSDFJA OH MY GOSH

02:06:35 “i feel there has been an attempt on my life,” "no thats just how we greet each other in our country” nether lore pog?

02:08:45 why does techno casually type at 120 wpm?????  god i hate him so much why is he like thisssss ugh (also it took ~3 seconds to type 7 words (34 characters) which is 140 wpm and 680 cpm if i know how to do math i hate it here) /lh

nd then he types ‘punz we’re all outside your house get over here’ which is 47 characters nd 9 words nd it took him 5 seconds to type which is 564 cpm and 108 wpm so his average (from these two samples which. isnt a lot. should i do a post abt this in the future?) is 124 wpm and 622 cpm. hes so fast. 

SDA;FKJASDF PHIL WHY R U SO VIOLENT 

02:17:00 PUNZ POG ALSO MANIFOLD KILLED IN THE HOLY LAND

technos complainin bout the fights bein boring,,,,,,,fight them all, techno. do it. 1v8. do it, coward. 

02:24:02 ‘maybe the real combat was the friends we made along the way’ 

02:25:16 i love that technos first instinct when someone dies is to check what sword/axe killed them nd what enchants r on it aldskfjads

i love how techno calls the manhunt music ‘dream music’ its so funny to me

right before he ends the stream he says ‘p e r h a p s’ to techno plushies and i just,,,, wa n t 

if ya just want an actual summary and not that MESS:

Technoblade starts the stream in his house. the first thing he does is put another piece of fanart in his house, this one by snumkt on twitter. he goes to l’manburg, where he sneaks around very sneakily (/s) and replaces anti-techno propaganda with pro-techno fanart, stating that “If they take it down, it’s ‘cause they hate fanartists.” (00:09:18). 

While placing posters, Techno checks in on his hound army, and reveals that he thinks someone had been in the area, because a wolf teleported to him while he was home. He thinks someone placed water, the dog stood up, and then teleported. (00:18:25)

After breeding the dogs, Techno reads donations and one of the questions is about the SBI family dynamics. Here’s what he says at 00:20:55 

“‘Hey, are you uncomfortable with being part of the SBI family dynamic?’ Uh, I don’t really- it’s not a matter of being uncomfortable, it’s just a matter of people making massive revisions to my character and the lore three months into the story without telling me, and it’s like, ‘no, that doesn’t- the story doesn’t- so many things don’t make sense now! What?? What???’ but if you want to make like, fanart of it, it’s fine”

He then meets up with Philza, who is being escorted by Tubbo. Techno goes to Philzas house, and hides in his new basement. He joins their VC and finds Phil, Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. talking about birthdays. Tubbo goes to the basement and sees Technos invis particles, hits him, and he is revealed. Techno kills tubbo, and declares it canon as a joke. 

He goes back outside, deafened on Discord, and puts down more propaganda. Philza joins his call, and they meet up to try and find Technos stolen items. They don’t find the barrel, but they do find a hidden room under the podium. Techno puts a piece of propaganda in the room. (00:43:30)

While Phil is killing an enderman, Ranboo finds them, and is killed by Techno. (00:46:25) 

Techno takes Phil to see his Hound Army, but they’re stopped by Tubbo. Techno tries to pretend to be Ranboo, but Ranboo goes up to them, so his cover is blown. Techno’s chased to the portal. Phil and Techno meet again in the Nether, and they go back to the house. 

At the house, Phil and Techno talk about the SBI characters, the sellout timer goes off, and then they go downstairs to cure a zombie villager. While it’s curing, Techno gathers books to make a new bow, with Power V, Punch II, Unbreaking III, Flame, and Mending. 

Philza reveals that Ranboo is coming over to give Phil a present. Techno seems excited at this, mostly at the fact that Ranboo can be his new bows test subject. 

Before Ranboo arrives, the villager is cured, and they find out it is a nitwit, meaning it can’t trade or get a job. Techno and Phil start working on a tunnel to bring the villager to a lava pool, so the other villagers won’t gossip and raise their prices. 

Ranboo joins the call at 01:15:35, right before they’re going to bring the villager to the lava pool. He gifts Techno and Phil four Netherite ingots.

After struggling to get the villager to the right height, Techno forces Ranboo to boat the villager into the lava. Ranboo escapes by throwing a pearl, and the villager dies.

Ranboo, Techno, and Phil talk about duping Netherite, and the current plot, and then Techno finds a zombie baby villager. It’s caught in a boat, and Techno nametags it ‘Orphan.’ They talk about the cobblestone tower, Philzas’ death to a baby zombie, and how if you don’t see a child's parents, you should assume that they are an orphan and attack them. 

Techno talks to Jack Manifold through chat about his axe. Techno, Philza, and Ranboo go around and look for zombie villagers. Techno finds an igloo, with two villagers. Techno was going to try and turn them into zombie villagers, but decides to not when he finds out that theres a 0% chance of that happening on Easy mode. 

They all go back to Orphan, and bully it when they find out it still hasn’t grown up. Techno and Ranboo make a joke about how it’s traumatized, so it’ll be funny and can be come a minecraft youtuber. please get some help. (01:48:15)

After Orphan grows up, Techno trades and gets the Bottle of Enchanting trade for one emerald. They all joke about Techno owning an orphanage at 01:51:35.

Phil, Techno, and Ranboo decide go to the Hound Army, but Techno remembers that Ranboo is part of L’manburg, and tries to kill him (with his new bow) when they enter the nether. He doesn’t succeed, and he continues fighting until he drinks and invis pot on the Prime Path. Techno and Phil meet up in the Bee Dome, where Ranboo finds them. Techno tries to kill him, but runs out of arrows. 

After reading donations, Techno, Ranboo, and Phil are back together at the Bee Dome, and they decide to team up in case someone finds them. They go outside of the Dome, and chase Jack Manifold out of his own country.

Manifold joins the VC, and they try to blame Punz on his attempted murder. After Manifold says “i feel there has been an attempt on my life,” Techno says that that’s how he greets people in his country.

Manifold asks if they want to help him get revenge on Punz, and Techno agrees. They gather more people, and by the time they get to Punz’s tower, their party is Manifold, Techno, Phil, Ranboo, Fundy, and Antfrost. Punz is in the Nether, so they wait until he gets back. 

Ranboo and Techno have a whisper conversation:

Ranboo: are you just going to jump fundy

Techno: no im gonna make jack 1v1 LMAO

Ranboo: good plan

While Fundy is taking a screenshot of Techno for his thumbnail, Philza attacks Fundy with a crossbow and his sword. He claims it was because he was getting bored. 

In the same spirit, Techno asks if they could kill Manifold to pass the time. The mob, which now includes Fundy, chases Manifold. He runs to the Holy Land, and the mob boos him.  Techno tells Antfrost to kill Manifold, and that the mob won’t tell that he was killed in the Holy Land. Manifold hands Antfrost his sword. 

While Antfrost debates killing Manifold or not, the mob chants ‘peer pressure!’ at him. Techno quickly realizes that Antfrost isn’t in the VC, and is extremely confused. The sword gets handed to Fundy, who gets into a battle with Manifold. Philza tells Fundy that he’s forgiven, if he can kill Manifold. The battle calms, and neither of the contestants die.

Techno convinces the mob to go to the pit trap, and tries to lure someone onto the trapped blocks using rotten flesh. Fundy takes the bait, but moves out of the way before the button is pressed. Antfrost sneaks up behind him and punches him into the pit. Fundy survives the fall, but is shot by Manifold to death. 

During the commotion, Punz makes his way back to his house, and the mob moves towards him to end his life. Manifold says that he’s going to kill Punz, and Techno says that the mob’ll have his back. He tells the mob to not have Manifold’s back. 

at 02:17:00, Punz joins the call, and is confused as to why Manifold wants to kill him. Manifold explains that Punz tried to kill him, siting his source as Technoblade. 

also, 2:17:15 technoswear!

Techno encourages Punz, saying “Punz, he actually dropped his sword by accident and now I have it, so it’d be really easy to beat him up,” and “he also just killed in the holy land, so you have a sort of...religious motivation to take him out.”

Punz tries to fight Manifold without armor (Manifold is wearing a full enchanted set of armor, with a Netherite chestplate and everything else Diamond), which fails miserably, and Manifold is killed. 

Techno decides to fight Manifold with his goons (the mob) for the audience retention, and Manifold’s quickly killed. The final hit was from CaptainPuffy. Ponk rushes in and grabs some of Manifold’s items. Puffy takes the rest.

Manifold complains about getting bullied, so Techno gives him his sword back and tells him to avenge himself. While looking for Ponk (or Punz? this is kinda unclear), Punz swoops in and kills Manifold in two hits. 

Manifold finds Ponk and chases after him, trying to kill him. The mob follows, and Ranboo kills Ponk with thorns. Manifold takes Ponks stuff. 

Right after respawning, Ponk was blown up by a creeper, and Techno claimed both as canon. 

The mini fights continue, and Manifold is killed by Punz. 

Ranboo changes the ‘Days since last war crime’ sign to 0.

Phil tells Techno that he’s going back to the base, and the L’manburgians question him as to what base he’s talking about. Phil tells Fundy that he ripped off his ankle shackles and left. While they talk, Techno starts running back to the base, and Ranboo whispers “lets run back” to him. Ranboo follows Techno, but quickly looses him.

Phil and Techno join a separate VC together and they go back to the base. 

At 02:29:15, Phil says “I trust you” to Techno and I am going to cry. 

Right before getting to the base, Phil drinks some honey, and Techno says “that’s the only thing we have honey for, now that we’ve uh...uh I guess you don’t know about that.” He’s referring to the Vault, I think, because the redstone required honey to work properly. 

Philza responds, “the honey- wait, what did you use the honey for?” 

“uhhh....food.” Techno, for some reason, doesn’t want to show Phil the vault. 

Ranboo whispers to Techno: “My alliance isnt with lmanburg, its with the people who help me. phil helped me.”

out loud, Techno laughs about it with phil, saying, “well, I’ve stabbed him like twelve times this week, so, I [laughs] I don’t know if that entirely qualifies here.”

Techno messages Ranboo back with “new phone who this” 

Ranboo replies, “no one,” and then, “:)”

Going back to the honey talk, Philza asked if Techno had been hiding anything diabolical from him, and Techno asks if he would do such a thing. Philza guesses several things he could use honey for, such as a flying machine, TNT dupers, and a door.

Techno takes him to the vault. 02:32:00. i LOVE peoples reactions to the vault, it’s always so good. Philza responds with a surprised ‘HOLY SHIT’ and some laughing. Techno also confirms my math of 55 withers. 

02:34:10 “i’ve seen this government, on the server, and everything to do with government is just bad. I’ve watched it completely destroy and tear down people’s wills and change people, I’ve seen it change the nicest people into complete and utter tyrants, so...I think it’s about time--”

“We need revenge. [sellout timer goes off] and more importantly, we neED SUBSCRIBERS ON YOUTUBE DOT COM” phil joinin anarchy pog? 

anyway that was it ;alskdfjas;f

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Emailifaction is digital carcinization

During the first dotcom bubble, Jamie "JWZ" Zawinski coined Zawinski's Law: "Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can." It's all three kinds of funny: funny ha-ha, funny strange, and funny serious. It's the software equivalent of carcinization, the tendency of every animal to eventually evolve into a crab. Crab's aren't the best animal, but they're the most versatile. https://academic.oup.com/biolinnean/article/121/1/200/3089703 Today in XKCD, Randall Munroe updates Zawinski's Law with a strip called "Unread," in the way that mounting unread message counts eventually turn every instant messaging platform into email. https://xkcd.com/2389/ Switching from email to instant messaging can feel hugely liberating. There's the first-order effect, that most of the people whose email is a chore - mass-forwarders, bulk-CCers, favor beggers and passive-aggressive schmendricks - don't know how to reach you. Instead, your initial correspondents on a new service are apt to be close friends you give your new address to, along with a smattering of interesting strangers of the sort you've been unable to engage with thanks to the time-vampires who'd colonized your email inbox. That giddy moment quickly fades though, because you have stuff to do, and to do stuff, you have to engage with people. And then they'll engage with you. And you'll want to answer them, but sometimes you'll need to get other people in on the discussion to move things forward. You'll get messages on the go - during the honeymoon period, you can even turn on notifications again! - and then need to come back to them later (because you're on the go, and the messages are important). Then, one of two things happens: either you fall back to email or the IM tool gets CC, BCC, mark unread, search and bulk messaging. Except that it's shitty email. It's email that's locked inside a social media company's walled garden, with only one client, not federated. This is why I do everything important by email. Not because I like email. I hate email. I, too, have experienced the giddy new relationship energy that comes from switching to an IM-based service! But I've also lived through the disastrous consequences of zawinskiian carcination enough times that I have learned my lesson. Much as I hate email, I can't quit it.

[pinkispoggers]

Questions Lead to Answers | Lance Bishop x Fem!reader

Prompt: Asking an artificial person questions is easy, but the answers, could lead to something a little different.

WARNINGS: Smut, light fluff, and rough sex.

Words: 3.8k

notes: if there is bad grammer, im sorry! PLEASE READ!!! (BIG CREDS TO SQUILF FOR REFRENCING THE PART WHERE (SPOILERS!!) ROBOT RELATIONSHIP TALK COMES IN AND ALSO THE IDEA OF GETTING DRUNK AND KISSING HIM!!) (If you think I haven't credited them for other things please let me know so i can credit them!)

Waking up from Cryosleep is always hard, like when you feel nauseous after finally waking up, or Sergeant Apone always on your ass. You rise up from your bed, peacefully, not feeling the need to vomit, and sleeping away from Apone. This was gonna be a great trip, you thought. You had heard the rumors of a new synthetic being put on board, or a new crewmate but nothing else about the situation.

You didn't say hello to anyone except for Hicks and Drake, as you had met them before beginning this trip. You were very new to the crew as this was your first trip with them. Before you could get a chance to hear Apone's morning bullshit, you rushed over to get your flight suit. 

As soon as you are done with that, you rush over to the cafeteria as fast as you could, not trying to catch the attention of anyone, keeping as quiet as possible. About half way there you're about to turn a corner when you see a pretty average height… male? You aren't sure but it makes you stop in your tracks. You try to stay as quiet as possible, trying to slip past him but when you tried to take a step, he turns around. He looks straight into your eyes, with soft ones.

You have never seen him before, not even when you were getting ready for cryosleep. "I'm sorry…" you whisper "no need." He says as clear as day, his voice almost soothing and a little deeper then you had imagined he would sound like when you saw his face. "I'm Bishop." He exclaims softly "I'm sorry if I scared you." He adds. "No, no your fine." You say, louder than you intended. He smiles at your response, a tight but soft smile. 

In all honesty, you were a little creeped out by the situation you were in but you couldn't deny that he was attractive. "I'm Y/n" you say awkwardly. "Well hello Y/n. Would you like me to walk you to the cafeteria?" "Uh… sure…" you answer softly and he starts walking and you catch up to his side. You walk to the cafeteria slowly, taking in every moment of your new surroundings and him, but you do not talk. 

He locks eyes with yours for a second as you look back at him and then he parts ways with you but not before he smiles which makes you blush. You just stand there, in the middle of the cafeteria awkwardly, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to do anything other than breath. When you finally notice your situation and surroundings, you get your shit together and find that you need to get food, which Bishop seems to be passing around. And of course the first person he walks over to, is you.

You aren’t even seated yet when he asks you, "do you want some cornbread" you are still anxious from all the new eyes gazing over at you "uh.. uh.. sure!!" You say and you take it. You don't look back and walk away to where Hicks is sitting with another crewmate. "Hey guys!" You blurt out and they look at you all smiley as you sit down finally. "Whats up man!" The unknown man smiles widely. "I'm Hudson, and he's Hicks" He says, lowering the smile on his face to a grin, awaiting your response. "I'm Y/n! I've met Hicks!" "Well great!" Hudson shrugs off. 

Hudson turns his head to Bishop, who was still serving cornbread. Bishop notices Hudson looking at him, and reaches out with the cornbread, raising an eyebrow. "Hey Bishop man, Do the thing with the knife!" "Oh please no-" he gets cut of by Hudson's begging and finally steps over to Hudson. Drake is standing right next to him and offers to play the game with Bishop. 

Bishop places his large hand over Drake's and pulls out the knife he has in one of the many pockets on his flight suit. He places the knife in between their fingers and starts. He raises the knife in and out of between both fingers, gliding to a new set each time at unhuman speeds. Your eyes widen, thinking he's going to hurt himself or Drake. You had almost reached your hand out to stop them but it ended.

A wave of reassurance washes over you and you are finally calm. Bishop heads to sit down right next to you and you freeze in your seat. "I thought you never missed Bishop." Says one of the voices at the table. You look over to see the man with white liquid in his fingertips. You are in shock when you see this.

"Oh… I thought you were… nevermind" you blurt and he looks over at you "is there a problem?" He says softly. "No, no, I just wasn't expecting you to be a synthetic on board" you say quietly "I prefer the term "artificial human" myself" He smiles. "Ok then!" You smile back. "We always have an andr- artificial human on board. It's standard practice, he's just new." A man called from the other side of the table. You just nodded, getting a bad, creepy vibe from him. 

…….

It's been a fine day, and everyone is bringing out the drinks for a celebration of some sort, maybe to celebrate the first day out here. You have never had alcohol before, or any type of drink like that, so you were very nervous about how to act around everyone. You try to stay near to Drake, Hicks, and Hudson if you could. The first line of shots were rounded around you and the others. You took your first. It was a strong taste, but you loved it but didn't want to ask for more. Drake slides you over another and you take it

Apone was yelling at Hudson for a reason you didn't know. It's cause that's how drunk people act, you thought. You were 7 shots in and feeling woozy, but you needed more. You could barely walk, but you could walk over to grab the bottle, which had the marines cheering you on. "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!" They cheered and you did. After that you could barely see straight and everyone was heading off to bed, except for Drake and an unnamed female. It was time for you to go, but you had the urge to see someone. You get up from the table and head out.

You found him. You continue your search, as drunk you is more persistent than sober you. You pass the docking and loading unit, but you still can't find him until "Y/n?" A familiar voice says, and you bolt around, not saying anything but wanting to scream. It's Bishop, emerging from the darkness. "Y/n what are you doing here?" He chuckles deeply. "I- i- Bishop- I was looking for… you…" you say, speech slurred. 

You walk up to him slowly, and unsteady. "You should have been there" You blurt and he smiles "I'm sure I would have enjoyed it" "I missed you" you smile drunkenly. You walk even closer to him and he just stands there, waiting for you. You plant your face in his chest, not knowing what was happening right now, but you liked it. He grabbed your waist and you blushed, hard. "You should be in bed right now." He hushes softly "but…" you smile wider, looking up at him. 

you get up to kiss him again.. Your teeth clash as you kiss him deeply. He puts his hands behind your back, but it ends as soon as it begins. You pull away to catch your breath, and he looks at you blankly. 

You fall forward, head meeting his neck and he holds you to support you. You never want this moment to end but… everything goes blurry.

_________________

You wake up to the normal nonsense, but this time with a burning headache, and Apone screaming at Hudson - but all of you at the same time but mostly Hudson - and getting everyone up. You feel like screaming. It's bad. You're rubbing your head, knowing that you were going on a mission today. To check on the Colonists of LV-426 since they hadn't heard from them in a while. Then you remembered it. Kissing bishop while you were drunk, it was the only thing you could remember from that night.

"Shit" you murmur and you get up fast. You get past everyone slowly and put on clothes, getting ready for the day. 

~~~~~~~~~

You get down to the room where the ships and transporters are held and you see him. "Fuck…" you whisper and he looks at you but you just walk away. You hop on the drop ship and sit alone as it falls down to LV-426. 

You get off and it's guns up. You are just there to supervise everyone so you don't have one. You know Bishop is coming down too but you stray far from him. 

You get inside the building and start to search but you see nothing. But when you get to a certain lab, you do. You see things that shock you there. In tubes, what looks to be a horseshoe crab with a long flexible tail is preserved in there. Until it moves. You jump in place at the sight of it and now you are shaken up… great, you thought. Such a great day so far. Everyone leaves to check out other things which leaves you on another path of your own. 

You reach the lab again and only to see Bishop… dissecting something? You knew he was gonna see you, alone nonetheless. Unless you could sneak past him, but you really didn't want to waste your energy doing so. Right when you were about to turn the other way, "Y/n, I want to show you something." He says politely and you blush "shit" you whisper. You walk towards him awkwardly and you see one of those… things under his hand, which was holding a scalpel. "That's a nice pet you have there, Bishop…" "magnificent isn't it" 

He started to ramble on about the thing he was dissecting and you had to admit his passion about it was quite cute. But you broke it with "Bishop…" you say quietly and he turns his full attention to you. "I'm sorry" you whisper anxiously. He grabs your hand which you are surprised about. You knew that androids can't touch people unless they are in danger of falling or they need to steady them or carry them. "I- you can't usually touch me." You exclaim. "Unless of emergency situations, I know, but I'm reflecting off of our relationship." 

"Relationship?!" You blush, knowing exactly what he meant but still acting clueless.  "You kissed me" He said confidently. You blushed even harder " Bishop, I was drunk I didn't-, I mean I did mean it but…" you smile. You noticed how close you were with him and you knew you needed to back up. "I can always change our relationship status if you want." "Wait? Are you saying we have a romantic relationship in your system… Bishop…" you say sadly. "Well, I cannot have a partner, but If a crewmember wants and gives consent, I can access my sexual functions to pleasure the crewmember for their physical needs." 

"Ok… I thought robo- artificial humans were just flat down there." 

"Well, we aren't and yes, I do have one" He smiles and you blush feverishly. "My system could also trigger an erection if needed." "So you can get hard by what? Seeing some pretty?" "Well, its more like when someone makes a sexual joke or gesture that "turns me on"" "Will you kiss me again?" He whispers but you hear him and climb in him from where he is sitting so that you are in his lap and he smiles as you kiss him gently then you kiss him hard, lips clashing and he kisses you back. "Was that ok?" He asks and you nod and nuzzle your head in his neck. "Bishop… can we… further this?" 

"Are you sure?" 

"Mhm" 

But just before you could kiss him again, you heard footsteps towards the lab. "shitttt" you murmur and jump off of him and he frowns and you glance at the door. It's that weird dude from before. "Hello there…" He says seeing the two of you close to each other, not thinking anything of it. "Oh hello Bishop and Y/n, how are you?" He says. But before you could speak, he cuts you off "I don't think we've properly met, im Burke." "Ok… hi Burke, since you already know my name, I guess we don't have to properly meet." You say a little annoyed.

"Oh, yeah then." He exclaims anxiously as he shoots his hand around the back of his hand "I'm just here to tell you it's time to leave, the Colonists are safe, they just weren't responding." "Ok then, let's get outta here" you say and the three of you leave to the drop ship. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

You sit alone again, only this time, holding in sexual frustration. You wanted him, you needed him but you couldn't think of that now, it wasn't professional of you to have thoughts of intercourse with a ROBOT… no, you felt completely disgusted now. But also ashamed and you had to go back to talk to him about what was happening and how you felt, looking for someone, anyone to tell you if what you were feeling was ok or not.

_________________

You sit alone in your quarters, pondering endlessly. But the thought of going to see him was tempting. "Ah fuck it" you sigh as you get up, still in your pajamas to go to the place you knew you would find him. His lab. You walk alone, mildly afraid of something happening to you, or that someone would catch you going to see him. You finally got up to the lab and to no surprise, he was there, working on that thing he had taken back with him. "Bishop-" you whisper, secretly hoping he wouldn’t hear but he did. "Y/n, come in, I knew you would come see me" He smirked. 

"Yeah i- yeah." You say frowning. He walks up to you slowly and kisses you like he had done before. You grab the back of his waist and kiss him back. He smiles at your lips. Next thing you know, you are in his arms and he's guiding you to a table. You gasp, not expecting him to be able to lift you up. He sets you down on the table and pushes you back slightly. You blush, knowing that you weren't wearing anything under your pajama gown. 

Without warning, he pushes his hand up your gown, getting feverishly close to your area. He opens your legs with one hand. "B- Bishop" you moan softly, aching for him to go farther, to touch you. He looks up at you "are you ready?" He asks and you nod as he continues. His other hand is reaching for your breasts but instead of touching them, he unbuttons your gown, slowly taking it off to see your beautiful breasts, then taking them in his palm and squeezing them, making sure not to hurt you. 

"Ah Bishop…" you moan and he smiles, knowing that he's pleasuring you. He moves his hand farther until he reaches your warmth and sinks two fingers down to your clit and makes you flinch. You were very wet for him already soaking and dripping down your leg. His fingers start to move in a circle around your clit and your legs start to shake, you can't escape the pleasure running through your veins. 

He continued to swivel his fingers around your clit, making you whine and quiver under him, going feral. You now were shaking with pleasure that you couldn't control anymore. "Bishop im- I'm about to come" you shout through hard quick breaths. "Then cum for me sweetheart" He says as he smiles, knowing that he's getting the job done correctly. You explode with all the strength you have, going completely numb. This is the strongest orgasm you have ever had in your life.

Your chest is rising and falling and you're panting. "I'm guessing I did good" He grinned and you nodded slightly, still coming down through your high. With 2 fingers already on your now swollen clit, he drags them down to your entrance, and without warning, shoved them in you while smirking at you and keeping eye contact and you squealed. "Bishop!!" You yell. Thank the gods that this is a noise proof room, so you couldn't scream his name all you wanted.

He dragged his fingers in and out of you at a slow pace, curling them and getting close enough to your ear that he could whisper sweet nothings in them. "You are very tight Y/n" "thank you" you bite your lip and smile while holding in the urge to scream out his name. "Will I fit?" He asks as he quickened his pace, knowing that it would make it harder to talk for you. "How about- mph- you show me- agh!!" You whisper and he slows down, then completely stops to get up from on top of you, to unzip his flight suit.

He finally gets his flight suit all the way down and you can see everything, from his chest, which actually had a little bit of abs, to his cock from where he is standing and the position you are in. He has the perfect size for you, about 6 inches fully hard. He smiles as he notices you looking at it. "Will it hurt, because you know I cannot hurt you, and I only want to please you." He says shyly, but politely. "No, it won't, just start off slow and everything will be fine." You reassure him. 

 "I have to tell you this before we start. By performing sexual intercourse, I cannot get you pregnant, nor give you any stds or stis. Would you like to proceed?" "Yes Bishop, I would like you to fuck me." You say and he smiles. His cock is pressed up against your leg and you bite your lip. You sit up a little to guide him to your entrance. 

He pushed the tip between your folds and straight up to your clit making you shudder. He brings it down to your entrance, and pushes in slightly. "Ah!!" You cry in pleasure. He's not even an inch in and you are crying out for him. He looks up at you, worried but you smile at him, which calms his system. "Please" you look up at him with big puppy eyes and he looks back at you with his, pushing about half way in.

You want to scream out his name, for him to go further but it turns out to be just a whine and now he's all the way in. "Ah! Bishop!" You moan and your head rolls back onto the table as he looks up at you and smiles once more. He starts up a pace that is painfully slow, to which he moans softly, thrusting deep inside of you and you arch your back so it's easier for him to go even deeper, even though you were belly up. You start to move your hips around his cock, silently begging for him to speed up. "Bishop… faster!" You almost scream out for him. 

He speeds up to a comfortable pace but you still want more as you are a moaning mess now, but you still wanted more and maybe if "you're doing s- so well" you moan and he grunts as he speeds up, grabbing the side of your hips and pulling you inwards. "AH!!" You scream out. "Don't st- stop!!" You cry out, tears brimming your bottom lashes. He's trusting even harder, hitting your gspot and cervix every time. A single tear streams down your face. He's grunting and growling from pleasure going through him, more like sparks building up in him, ready to burst.

Next thing you know his fingers are on your clit again, circling fast around you, pushing you farther out to the edge. You're barely holding on. "Im- Im- gonna cum Bishop please!" You yell out and he sees that you are shaking under him so "please cum for me y/n" he says and his voice makes you just go wild. You shudder and quiver under him, your orgasm flowing through you at high speeds. It's even more powerful than the last one. As you are coming down, a hot liquid shoots unto your pussy, making you moan, just knowing that he is finished but he fucks you through it.

Your breathing hard, chest rising and falling fast. He slows down, then stops. While he's still in you, he bends down to wrap his arms around you and kiss you as you are still panting. "Did I do ok?" He asks. "Bishop" you pant "you did amazing" you say and he grins. "Thank you" he adds. 

He stands, pulling out of you slowly, and sliding on his flight suit. You got up, sorely and he rushed over to help you. "Y/n, are you ok?" He asks "Yeah I'm all good!" You get up, slipping on your flightsuit and you kiss him once more. You leave the room, holding his hand. 

_____________________

you get back to the cryo room where everyone was getting ready to go back to sleep, to return to the ship you came from. You weren't ready to say bye to Bishop just yet so you pull him over to the side. "Hey Bishop?" You say and he turns over to you "I'll miss you, ya know" you smirk as you pull him down for a kiss. It doesn't last long but it was worth it just incase you don't see him again. 

"No you won't, im just an artificial person. You can always upload my data into another Bishop model." He says "I will miss you, trust me. And I know I can, and I probably will" you giggle. "I'll sure miss you Y/n, and I won't forget you just incase you do." He smiles and you release his hand and walk into the room. 

You both part your ways to get to your chainbers. You watch him get undressed, down to his underwear and you remember the moment you two had together and you sigh, slumping in place in your bed. Hicks comes over to shut the top of your bed down and you smile at him and he smiles back. You smile as you are going to sleep. And of you go to dreamland as you finally feel peace.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

RFA BEACH TRIP PLEASE🌊☀️🌴🐚🌺🐬🐠🦀

YESYESYES (I tried something a little different today, so I hope you enjoy it!)

RFA BEACH TRIP!

Jumin had recently bought this island, that was famous because of their cats. Yes. Cat island. And so because Jumin is such a sweetheart he got everyone some plane tickets so they would head out for the island the next day!

At first, everyone except Saeyoung and V weren’t really up to the idea. But then, when you got so excited and said that it would be so fun to have a beach trip, they changed their minds pretty quickly!

And so, all of you woke up at about 4am, Jumin sent some cars to pick you all up and soon you were all in his private jet. V and Jumin were listening to some classical music and drinking some wine, Yoosung at first was looking around everywhere, since he had never been on a private jet before, but a few minutes later he fell asleep on his seat, next to Zen, who was complaining loudly to Jumin, about how waking up at this hour was stupid, and that he only agreed to go because you were going.

Jaehee was watching some of Zen´s DVD in the background, Saeyoung was loudly singing to some music (you joined him lmao) which made Saeran groan and put on his headphones at full volume, trying to ignore his way too energetic twin.

You smiled as you looked at everyone in the RFA. This would be so exciting!

After you all checked in in the hotel -the fanciest hotel you had ever been in- you all changed into your swimsuits and decided to meet up in a bit.

You all set up on the fancy beach, Jumin and V sitting on some chairs under a really big umbrella, meanwhile Jaehee was wearing a hat and walking around the beach, looking at Zen, who was teasing Yoosung into getting in the water. Saeyoung was building some sand cats, yes, sand cats and Saeran was standing awkwardly on the side, not really knowing what to do.

This was going to be awesome!

Zen:

After traumatizing Yoosung for a bit, Zen called you over to get into the ocean with him. You smiled and grabbed his hand, as the both of you walked along the water, happily chatting. “I have to admit, even though I can’t stand that jerk, this beach trip was pretty nice. We haven’t all gone out like this in a while.” He said, while looking at all the RFA members, a big smile in his face. But then he turned around and pulled you closer to him, running his hands up your sides. “Although it is making me a bit jealous that they all got to see you in your swimwear like this. You look amazing.” A seductive smirk appeared on his face and Zen kissed you, and you both stood there, holding each other.

Until a big fucking wave got you guys and everyone laughed at the both of you. “THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING ALL LOVEY DOVEY!” Yoosung yelled, and Zen glared at him. Apart from that the beach trip was awesome, and you enjoyed spending time with Zen!

Yoosung:

So, he wasn’t really a big fan of the ocean, but he liked the swimming pool! Yoosung and you had a swimming contest! And you ended up winning by a lot lmao. Afterwards you both made your way around the beach resort, admiring how fancy everything was.

Until you got lost. Yeah that wasn't good at all.

You both walked along for hours trying to find everyone else. And you didn’t succeed. At one point it had become night, and you were both back at the beach, holding each other’s hands. “I’m sorry Y/N. If I had just stayed with everyone we wouldn’t be in this predicament.” You shook your head and caressed Yoosung’s cheek. “It’s alright Yoosung. I had fun, to be honest! I love spending time with you.”

As Yoosung became red in the face, you saw a bright light and a loud bang followed right after. Fireworks!!! The two of you screamed happily and ran over to get a better view, and Yoosung wrapped his arm around you, giving you a forehead kiss.

It was absolutely adorable, and even though Saeyoung later teased the crap out of you two, you really enjoyed it!

Jaehee:

“Y/N? Are you alright? Why are you so red in the face, oh! Don’t tell me you have a fever! Let me check!”

You blushed even more as Jaehee placed the back of her hand in your forehead, and you nervously chuckled, gently pulling it away. “Uh. It’s alright Jaehee. I-I just got distracted for a bit haha, anyway! Look at those seashells!” You quickly made your way to the shore, trying to hide your flushed face. When you saw Jaehee in a very cute two piece swimsuit you felt as if you were about to die. How could she look so freaking hot yet adorable at the same time?! You were just speechless.

Jaehee slowly followed you and helped you picking up shells. You both laughed as Seven tackled Yoosung in the water, while Zen was screaming loudly at the both of them for getting his beautiful face wet!

Soon enough you and Jaehee had picked up enough shells, and you placed them in a little bucket. Then, Jaehee grabbed your hand and led you to the water, where you were both looking at the beautiful sunset. Everything was perfect.

Until you felt a splash of water hit your face. You dramatically gasped as Jaehee giggled, and splashed some more water in your face. Before you knew it, it had become a water battle between the two of you, and you enjoyed it greatly! Jaehee kept running around and giggling the whole time, even when you grabbed her by the waist and carried her up, spinning her around.

When you came home from the beach, you both took the seashells and made them into a frame, and you put your favorite picture of the two of you together.

She really enjoyed spending the whole time with you, and she would love to do it again!

Jumin:

When you came to the beach, you made your way to Jumin and sat beside him, while talking to him and V, who had a huge smile on his face.

“Thank you for the trip, Jumin. It’s been a while since all of us travelled like this, together. I never thought we’d go out again ever since Rika passed away. But now, thanks yo Y/N, we’re able to do this again.” You blushed and shyly smiled at V.

Jumin didn’t really like to go and swim in the ocean, but you two decided to build some sand castles, since apparently he had never done that before. It all started as an innocent competition, until Jumin literally started making blueprints and measured everything so his sandcastle could be perfect!

And it was :D

Afterwards, you both went to your room and you changed into some clothes that Jumin had bought you. He escorted you to a really fancy restaurant in the place, and he got seats near a balcony so you could look at the sea while you ate. It was absolutely beautiful, the wind rustling his hair a bit, and everytime he looked at you and smiled, god, was he trying to kill you?

At one point Jumin grabbed your hand and kissed it, looking at you with eyes full of love. 

¨Thanks to you we're able to go out like this now...you've done so much for us, and you don't understand how lucky I feel to be here with you, right now. I love you, Y/N.¨

You both had an amazing dinner, and after the trip Jumin would sometimes take some days off so you could go there again.

Saeyoung:

He was so thrilled to go to the beach with you and his brother!

Honestly, he had never felt so happy in his life!

Then you saw that there was a place where you could rent surfing boards! And holy crap you both had never ran so fast to a place before.

The two of you tried (and failed miserably) to surf. Saeyoung had actually gotten the hang of it pretty quickly, but you kept getting distracted!

He just looked so handsome with his hair all wet, and pulled back a bit so it wouldn’t get in his way. And when he surfed he looked so fucking good.

At one point you bit your lip, and when Saeyoung saw the way you were looking at him he led you to a nearby bathroom.

After the both of you and back, and played some pranks on Yoosung, you decided to go and....LOOK FOR THE CATS! That was honestly one of the only reasons why he agreed to wake up that early and everything!

You both made your way around the little town that was near Jumin’s resort, and you soon found cats everywhere. They were so fucking cute holy shit.

The rest of the trip you took a bunch of pictures, sometimes with the cats and sometimes with Saeran (who was acting as if he didn’t want to be here but he was having a hella good time.)

One night Saeyoung led you to the roof of the resort and kissed you.

¨I love you so much Y/N. Thank you for everything.¨

When you come back Saeyoung promised you that you will go on trips more often now, and he just can’t help but smile remembering the good things that happened.

Bonus:

“How many times did we tell you to NOT DO IT?!” Zen screamed.

“This is not how I thought I’d spend my time. I’m leaving to see how Elizabeth the third is doing.”

“No you don’t, you jerk! You have to stay here with the rest of us.”

“Lololol Yoosung I never thought you’d actually do it!”

“Luciel this is partially your fault too, you were the one who urged him to do it, so you’re to blame too. If you hadn’t thrown your food it wouldn’t have been this bad.” Jaehee glared at Luciel, and he quickly hid behind you.

“AGHHHH Y/N SAVE ME!! That gaze almost turned me to stone, brrr so scary!”

“It’s your fault you idiot. You should’ve realized by now that Yoosung is dumb enough to fall for those stupid tricks of yours. Besides you didn’t even tried to help him, you made things worse!”

“Aghhh! Not you too Saeran! My own brother!! Everyone is against me right now, hey V, help meeee!!!”

“Well Luciel....if you hadn’t even dared him to jump in there, we wouldn’t be here right now...so I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with Jaehee on this one.” V laughed nervously.

“SEVEN I SWEAR IM NEVER FORGIVING YOU FOR THIS!” Yoosung yelled.

You may be wondering, what the hell happened?

Seven did.

Let me explain.

You were all eating lunch, when Seven dared Yoosung to go and jump into this little pond (that was made because of some rocks) to grab some crabs. It was going fine, until a whole bunch of them decided to go against Yoosung, and they started pinching him everywhere, so Yoosung quickly got out and started screaming.

Zen was about to help him, when Seven threw his sandwich at Yoosung while yelling YEET and NATURAL SELECTION DO YOUR THING, making some seagulls who were passing by, go and attack Yoosung.

Then Yoosung fell in a sand hole that you and Seven had made before near the shore, it was really deep, and when the crabs and seagull were finally off him, a fucking little octopus appeared and decided to latch onto Yoosung’s head.

Seven just laughed while Zen and Jaehee tried to get the octopus off, Jumin was sighing like a disappointed parent, and Saeran was actually smirking.

Meanwhile V had tried to go and help, but he went to the wrong place because...well he can’t see, so he was touching a palm tree while yelling for Yoosung.

And that’s how Yoosung became traumatized for life!

But it was honestly so funny lmao

Later when you’re all in the restaurant Seven orders some octopus on purpose to traumatize Yoosung even more.

And that’s why, kids, you should never go and pick up crabs because Seven dared you to.

[the960writers]

Have you ever been in a situation where you ALMOST have a plot, but it's not quite there? You have the main story, the characters, the main conflict, etc. but you cannot seem to connect all of those elements to make one cohesive plot? Because that is totally me right now. I'm losing my mind over this!

Oh do I ever!

I often have just this one cool scene. Just one! Or even just a cool phrase. But that’s all there is! The rest is just fog.

Let me braindump here for a bit, maybe you’ll find something useful in this here soup.

So I remember Brandon Sanderson saying that he once had this idea of giant crabs and people fighting with giant swords and that he wanted to write a story where that worked and that became The Way of Kings. Here in this podcast: https://writingexcuses.com/2019/11/03/14-44-realism-vs-rule-of-cool/, transcript here: https://wetranscripts.dreamwidth.org/163635.html

This is going a bit on a tangent but... (god can you tell that how I write my stories? vague thoughts and lots of ellipses? yeah) but let’s think about this Rule-of-Cool for a bit. As you can see, this is not a niche approach.

Let’s say we have this one cool idea, how do we create the scaffolding to hold that thing up in our story? There was... I swear I heard this on a podcast by Joanna Penn (https://www.thecreativepenn.com/podcasts/) but I can’t find it anymore. She had a guest on who suggested to write a story from the blurb. Maybe that could be something.

What is a blurb? The blurb is bit of text that you put in your book description to make reader interested in picking up your book. It should give a feel for the genre, the tone, and some rough bits of how the story will go. Here’s some general advice how to write a blurb: https://blog.reedsy.com/write-blurb-novel/, https://www.writerswrite.co.za/how-to-write-a-book-blurb-for-your-short-story-collection/.

Now that you have the blurb, you know where you want your story to go. Let’s pick some random blurb as an example (the reason why I sign up for so many newsletters? So many blurbs...)

Example: Being the Guardian isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. My new life is weird, and hard. Think magic comes easy to those who wield it? Think again! I’m more likely to blow something up than shield it. As dark Fae make their way through the portal and my best friend’s children are kidnapped, it’s time for me to learn how to cast a location spell. (Mind Over Magical Matters (Midlife Witchery Book 2) by Brenda Trim)

This tells me that the story is in first person, something with magic and fae, suspense with a kidnapping, and someone has to learn and get better at magic.

So how does this help you? I know. I warned you that this will be braindump soup.

Write your blurb. You have everything you need for that. Once you have that, think how you can make this blurb come true. This may mean that you, for instance, write the end first, or that you look at some basic story structure. I keep going to the seven-point-story-structure for this: https://the960writers.tumblr.com/post/140577296049/the-seven-point-story-structure

A structure could look like this

Exciting Event

Plot Turn 1 (surprise!)

Pinch 1 (shit hits the fan)

Midpoint (the low point)

Pinch 2 (shit really hits the fan but now with vengeance)

Plot Turn 2 (you thought this would be easy?)

Resolution

I have more things in the post I linked and in my tag https://the960writers.tumblr.com/tagged/structure.

This kind of structure is just one of many possibilities. My advice is to not stick too closely with structures, use them as a loose guideline. You can put loads of scenes between these points, arrange and rearrange them however you like.

Is this my method? Hardly. I’m allergic to outlining. What I do is keep a running list of “cool things I want to happen” and then see how I can make that exciting. I look at the structure more in retrospect, to see if I roughly hit the points.

If this is all too much brain work for you, and I don’t blame you if it is, then let me refer to the tried and true method by none other than Diane Duane: The shopping list outline https://dduane.tumblr.com/post/146252994171/hello-im-trying-to-write-my-first-novel-and-i

Honestly? This is the best method for me because it works with how chaotic my brain is wired. Check that post out, maybe it’ll be exactly what you need.

Go forth and write, secure in the knowledge that nobody here knows what they’re doing.