#im like 100% certain theres nothing in those tags either

[milkbreadtoast]

doodled Stayn from living with magicians webtoon... I like him :) (just felt like drawing random webtoon characters fsr lmao)

[kuromichad]

the main thing that bugs me about ao3 discourse is i just. i never see anyone lay out what they actually Want from ao3 besides 'delete everything i think is bad' like theres no. sense of practicality? what exactly do you want added to the tos. what is the exact expected process for reporting fics and evaluating those reports. disclaimer before anyones like 'Oh so youre unilaterally defending them' i do extremely think they should at the least not allow rpf of irl minors. but when it comes to enforcing policies that aren't related to like, laws, i just wonder how you expect it to work... should they just delete anything/anyone who gets reported a lot, like plenty of sites do? then people are gonna exploit that system and get people mass reported over petty shit, just like on twitter. should there be a moderation team instead? who picks that team? who's on that team? what if the team makes decisions you don't like?

especially when you're talking about creating some kind of policy for 'eliminating racist content,' like-- what counts? i'm guessing that like, troll works that are just a wall of slurs already get deleted (if they don't then they should be because that's pretty simple) but like. who decides what's 'bad enough' to merit outright deletion? if it's done by volume of reports, wouldn't that essentially be arbitrary moderation because it depends on a random group of people who potentially all have different problems with a fic and those problems can vary wildly in severity? like, what about when it comes down to nuances of how a character is treated? dramas like we had with finnpoe discourse, where either character topping might invoke different racist tropes, so how does one walk the line and how do you cope with how not everyone who attempts to walk it will be successful?

i saw one post giving the example of a fic that just like, rewrote the events of last year's protests to be set in the transformers universe, and yeah that's tasteless, there's been offensive 'current events' fic happening for a long time and it sucks. but should there be an explicit ban on that genre? how would that clause be worded? does Everyone agree that it's something that's impossible to do tastefully? if a black person does want to work through their feelings on current events through fanfiction, is that still banned because it's presumably impossible to do well, or should it be allowed because they have the right perspective? do they have to meet a certain standard of 'doing it right', and who evaluates that? and how are ao3 moderators supposed to know or believe they have that perspective? (we've already seen people racefaking to get 'permission' to write tacky racist fic just due to social pressures. imagine the lengths people will go to if their work or account is on the line.)

like-- sorry if this is a gauche comparison but since it's something i'm familiar with and able to speak on. what if the next wave of criticism is 'ao3 needs to crack down on transphobic content'? how will you define that, beyond 'delete fake fics that are just slurs'? would entire tags like omegaverse, or 'boypussy' and 'girl!penis', or even 'genderbend' get deleted? what about trans authors using those tags? do we become the only ones allowed because we can do it 'correctly'? how do we deal with the fact that not all trans people agree on what's 'correct'. like i don't think genderbending is inherently transphobic, it's down to individual choices and portrayals. same with omegaverse, same even with 'boypussy/girl!penis', since like. people might take issue with the entire premise of 'characters have this type of body and it just doesn't like, mean anything' as being fetishizing of trans bodies/erasure of trans experience and i sympathize with that. i'm not certain where i fall on the matter either, it's very much a case by case thing.

so then, how do you moderate that? do we get rid of those tags because someone decided nobody can use them responsibly or should like the premise at all? again, do we appoint moderators to decide when an idea is handled 'correctly' and again, who are the moderators? what happens when they make a decision you don't like? how do you distinguish between fic with a 'wrong' premise and fic with an 'okay' premise that is executed imperfectly and leads to interpretations or implications that upset people, especially when many fic writers are young and amateurs? should someone who made mistakes be punished with deletion just as much as someone who, like, intentionally wrote character-bashing/abuse fic for racist/transphobic/etc reasons?

like, none of what i'm asking here is supposed to be applied to general discussion of these subjects, it's not like i think offensive content should never be taken down, i'm not pulling some kind of 'everything Could be offensive so actually nothing is' or 'if they didn't mean to then it doesn't count' or anything like that. but we aren't talking about interpersonal discussions, or the handling of mass media, or anything like that. we're specifically talking about the concept of 'just delete everything that's offensive and exploitative' and how that would potentially be implemented. because ao3 is not a person who said something tasteless on twitch and can be reasoned with and led to make an apology. ao3 is a website hosting all sorts of ideas from millions of users, specifically in the form of fiction, and the way fiction conveys biases and shapes people's thinking is itself a really fucking complicated subject, and people are trying to demand that they try to tame that massive volume of content from different people in very specific ways, with no suggestion of how to actually go about doing that.

i know you think 'delete the stuff thats obviously bad' is a simple principle but it's literally not because no two people will ever 100% agree on what's 'obviously bad', particularly in this case because people don't consistently agree on whether depiction always equals endorsement AND it's so difficult to reliably tell whether depiction that seems to be endorsed was intended to be endorsed. so again, the primary, most practical options for 'delete things that are bad' are to either delete everything that anyone reports for any reason or to have moderators that make flawed human choices. i just want to feel like any of the people making 'ao3 bad' posts have actually like, considered that, and have some sort of opinion on which one it should be, if theyre gonna fight about this.

and, yknow, if they did have to hire a massive team of additional moderators to actually read every fic and take the time to make subjective decisions about whether it's offensive... they would need to pay those people... and they would still need donations. so lmao.

im not saying like 'youre not allowed to want things to change' like there's definitely room for improvement but. please god. start explaining what you want those changes to be because 'delete everything i personally think is bad' is not a moral imperative or a coherent category or a helpful suggestion in the least, if you think with your brain and not your gut instinct of disgust.

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[liquidstar]

Hi! Sorry to trouble you like this, I was wondering if it was okay to ask you a question about how to tag something properly? (Been trying to get better at tagging recently). I wanted to ask first in case you weren't okay with mentioning the heavier content being tagged and stuff. If you can't answer that's fine!

ill do my best to write a guide as straight forward as possible but sometimes i end up needlessly elaborating lol, but ill do my best to help out anon! ironically i wont be tagging things in this post bc im gonna talk about a LOT so im putting it under the cut

what do you tag?

first of all there are certain topics that should always be tagged even if you havent been explicitly asked to tag them. these include: pedophilia, incest, rape, discourse, reblog bait, and things like homophobia, misogyny, racism, ableism, antisemitism, etc.. basically any type of oppression because people shouldnt have to be constantly exposed and reminded of their trauma in regards to it. just to be safe, anytime anything sensitive is being discussed tag it as whatever that  is. 

anything else would be something that people have explicitly asked be tagged, either in their abouts or though an ask to you. these things can vary wildly and you should never ask why someone needs something tagged even if its weird. everything from “religion” to “boiled eggs”

when do you tag it?

im going to use “homophobia” as an example here, but it can apply to anything. here are examples of when to tag it

if the post is sharing a news article reporting on something homophobic, ex. a report of a hate crime or homophobic law being passed

if the post is a gay person talking about their experiences or the general experiences of gay people in a homophobic world

if someone in the post is being homophobic, even if theres a snarky reply. like a screencap or reblog of a very homophobic post with some type of comeback. the post itself still contains homophobia

if the post is a discussion on homophobia

if the post is a scene from a show that features homophobia

if homophobia is mentioned literally at all

i could keep going but the word “homophobia” is starting to sound fake. just always tag it! always! there are a billion examples. rule of thumb, if you ever have to think “should i tag this?” the answer is yes, you should

how do you tag it?

there are lots of ways to tag stuff, but that just makes it harder to navigate this place safely since people like having 100 different methods of it. generally, id say its best to just tag it as the thing itself, if the issue is misogyny, just tag it as “#misogyny” and nothing else. however with topics like pedophilia, incest, and rape, i think adding “tw” might be important so people dont think youre actually posting that stuff. generally people tend to blacklist “[topic] tw” and “[topic] cw” so if you want to add those on thats fine. also if something is only very lightly mentioned, you can tag it as “[topic] mention”

DO NOT use anything like // or / or ~ or ^ or - or * or anything else like that!! the reason that adding slashes to the ends of tags like that is a thing is because of old blacklisting extensions that arent used as much anymore because tumblr has its own blacklist, and unlike those extensions the post is blocked based on the tag itself not a single word in the post. it does nothing except for make it so it wont hide the post to people who have actually blacklisted the word.

misc.

DO NOT CONFUSE REBLOG BAIT WITH TAG GAMES!!! reblog bait is stuff like “reblog or else your mom dies” tag games are stuff like “reblog with your favorite color”, tagging them as reblog bait only makes them inaccessible to people with ocd and paranoia and other issues like that, excluding them from fun games. its like if you had a friend who was allergic to strawberry juice but loved raspberry juice, so to keep them safe from strawberry juice you label ALL red juice as strawberry juice and now if they want raspberry juice they have to take a leap of faith. of course... some people need both tagged and if they also ask for tag games to be tagged, tag those too!!  

generally, its a good idea to always tag different fandoms and ships. some people need those tagged for one reason or another, but it also helps you stay more organized. 

thats all :) good luck friend

[invaderofdoom]

rules: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.

muse: the gremlin himself, zimbabwe humanlampwall, a 100% legit regular human name

BASICS

▸ is your muse tall/short/average? oh he teeny. small boy. youre very small, zim. youre a tiny thing.

▸ are they okay with their height? not at all he is in abhorrent DENIAL over the fact that his height is below irken average. if he ever had one of those measurey things that kids have on the walls of their house for their parents to track their height he would absolutely stand on the tips of his toes every time to be as tall as possible ▸ what’s their hair like? hair? never heard of her. hes rly bug-like tho so if u take a big ol oh god what are they called THE ZOOMY IN SCIENCE THING! MICROSCOPE! GOT IT! so anyway if you take a big ol microscope to his antennae u cld see rly rly rly tiny sensitive hairs cuz it be like that ▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? not at all because whenever zim needs to wash his wig he literally throws it into the sink and lets gir wash it with the dishes so he’ll just walk into skool the next day smelling like dish soap ▸ does your muse care about their appearance? other than his height, not really. he really doesnt concern himself with fashion unless its to gain some sort of strategical advantage or to gain the favour of a specific group of people ie; dressing in makeup and cute dresses to blend in with the popular girls and reign over the skool hierarchy  ▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? yes but only for a select number of people ykno? like he wants Literally Nothing More to impress the tallest and have them be proud of him and he cares what humans think KIND OF but only to the point of “oh good they think im human? sweet, im doing a great job”

PREFERENCES

▸ indoors or outdoors? indoors on earth, outdoors on irk ▸ rain or sunshine? he’s not a big fan of either, but sunshine is preferable so he doesn’t need to cover himself in glue to protect his skin from the chemicals in earth’s water ▸ forest or beach? forest. the beach is full of people and theres water and ugh sand gets EVERYWHERE imagine if someone knocked him down and some sand got stuck in his pak that would take forever to get out blech. but the forest is much more secluded and he can go out there for EXPERIMENTS ▸ precious metals or gems? metals who the heck cares about a ruby. oh good its pretty good on you WELL HE CANT USE THAT FOR ANYTHING ▸ flowers or perfumes? neither please oh god oh no ▸ personality or appearance? personality but he rly doesnt care about other people enough at all to really give too much of a heck. he’s probably gonna hate you no matter what ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? being alone ▸ order or anarchy? he thinks he likes order but judging by his actions hes much more anarchy based so por qué no los dos ▸ painful truths or white lies? when talking to other people. painful truths. he doesnt care enough to give people white likes unless its about himself ie; oh haha my plan didnt fail its just that my plan ALL ALONG was to steal dibs little puppy clown thing, yknow

▸ science or magic? typically science, but this preference can change at the tip of a hat depending on which will benefit him more in the moment. dangerous super weapon vs magic that can make flowers grow? give him the weapon. high tech computer vs a curse that will bring an endless plague down on your enemies? give him that curse, baby ▸ peace or conflict? conflict ▸ night or day? night ▸ dusk or dawn? dusk ▸ warmth or cold? cold. big big headcanon that it was very cold on irk and the reason that zim had never seen rain before is because 1) he was always indoors on foodcourtia so he didnt really get to see the outdoors much and 2) precipitation falls on irk but because of the temperature there, it only falls as snow or hail. zim is also coldblooded + not used to the warmer climate on earth

▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? whats a friend?

▸ reading or playing a game? reading

QUESTIONNAIRE

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? haha oh my god did you mean literally everything he does? refusing to accept the truth about things (that hes defective, that the tallest hate him, that his mission isnt real, that he was basically sent to earth to either die or never be seen or heard from again, etc) is a really big one

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? he hasnt, not really. his empathy for other people is extremely low, and because he refuses to accept that miyuki and spork are only dead because of him, their deaths didn’t affect him very much

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has? sneaking up to irk’s surface when he was litle with skoodge although the fact that skoodge was there didn’t really add to the fondness because he could have dragged anyone along with him and have been just as satisfied ▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? he likes to think it is, and it is easy for him to kill to a certain extent, but because of how often his plans are foiled by dib or zim’s own idiocy, its kind of a mixed bag yknow

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? self hatred, loses will to live, finally admits things to himself that he’s refused to believe before such as ‘im defective’ and ‘the tallest hate me’ ▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? not really ▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? n/a zim is ultra aromantic sorry boyz and girlz. he is literally incapable of experiencing that emotion

tagged by: theived it frm @prxfessor-membrane & @takshiip tagging: im bound by platonic life partner law to tag @otherworldlymuses if he wants to do it for any of his muses but if anyone wants to steal it frm me and say i tagged them pls do bc i love reading these!!!

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[chickenfetus]

ALL MY EGG (and for the four names: jae, killer kang, minhyuk (whichever one), and santa

deadass i did the 100 questions ask meme for this ask and almost posted it rip

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

theres literally nothing i dont even know what to say ???? 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

not 2 be delusional but i would give up my world to hug changkyun

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

glaceon is UP THERE idk why honestly but the sinnoh games were my first and i just??? i was really into ice and snow and shit u know so glaceon... thakn u

another pkmn ill always have is lucario ????? its just so cool?????

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

hopefully forgiveness and like???? acknowledging mistakes and learning from those u know jst positive stuff and like?? water. god i love water

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

hm okay i think this one was from last night or the night b4??? and like???? idk???? i dont even know how 2 start tbh?

so im like hanging over at this two kid’s im a kid 2 i think place and idk we just talk and shit??? idk whomst the boys were tho

and then we get to a scene where its like??? at a train station???? and i go to the washroom to shit or smth idk thankfully i didnt shit myself irl

then i have to get onto the train which isnt even a train its like a carousel with seats??? and its like on a train track boys this is 2 much and i forgot to get ready my train card thing so the guy (who i was p sure was evil) waited for me to remove it so i got onto the transportation device lmao

and then once im seated i remember i forgot my jacket so i make like hand movements 2 the creep and hes runnig 2 me with my jakcet but the ride’s way too fast so i yell and say ill come back for it even tho im p sure i wasnt going 2

after that i wke up wild

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

i dont have a best friend and all of my friends have their own unique qualities if i went into a rant abt them rn this will b so long

😘 talk about your crush or partner

[minhyuk voice] theres none

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

ya bc im petty but it really depends on the person

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

my personality (the good parts)

my values

my taste in friends (my Big Friends are either geminis or scorpios good)

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the dark and bitch isnt gonna turn off her night light any time soon

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

seeing my favourite happy, listening to the music i like 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

i jjust went into a full out rant abt this on the other reply so ill be quiet now

😤 do you get angry easily?

yeahhhhh 

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

my faves tbh

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

bad people , gone.

everybody only sends love and happy things on anon

i just want everyone 2 b nice & friendly wars of any sort dont exist and no one wants anybody dead

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?

if u sent jae’s name earlier id have trouble so im glad

kiss: tihis is so fucking embarrassing wtf minhyku (mx) but only on the cheek basically everywhere except the lips or anyplace weird

befriend: brian :-0

kill: jae goodbye loser

marry: sanha we can yell every time we gotta turn the lights off

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

tokyo bc its NICE

☕️ talk about your ideal day

cant read

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

i suddenly thought of the word ambivore which made me think of the word vore i wanna delete im a both? mayb idk

💧 when was the last time you cried?

nov 3 bc my heart hurts whenever i see ppl being a bad friend

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oh worm

all alone - day6

with you - astro

dramarama - mx (even though it isnt out yet lmao)

run - bts (the superior bts song)

hellevator - / (i was rly gonna make this mixed languages but rip)

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

to fly bc im basic

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

dont do that

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

nobody in general????????? 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

intelligence i have 2 live somehow what if my money gets stolen

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

my humor

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i (barely) know chinese despite having 2 take it all my life legends only

i know english but im bad at that 2 and its my first language once again legends only

i wanna learn japanese and korean 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

the cow from voltron 

☁️ talk about your dream universe.

weve already discussed this

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

oh w-0rm ok so im a regular anon on this persons blog and i wanted to send an ask but never got arnd doing it so im gonna send her one. soon/

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

let me live my life as a furry and cat

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

are u ready 4 me to b the meanest person yet bc i sure am lets fucking go

so theres this girl. and i know her (unfortunately) and ive known her since like 4 years ago and back then she was already pretty shit tbh

she cried bc she had to sit in between the “weird” and “dirty” girls in our class and she headass cried in front of them and everyone just bc she didnt like the arrangement?? shes called the “dirty” girl disgusting before and has made fun of her in front of everybody its just bad :-/

now. fast forward 3 years and in addition to still being disrespectful and rude, she now vocalizes her weird fantasies for her “oppas”??? some examples: 

“when i go watch __ perform im gonna climb onto stage and then my mother and my future husband will fight for me” and she calls those kpop idols weird shit and basically sexualizes them/???? she says the weirdest fucking shit on her ig story and tags them??????? 

another thing. she went to korea nd took a picture of a complete stranger and posted it on her public ig and called him her “oppa” and said that they had a “fun day together” despite the guy not knowing her at all???? she posted the pic of him??? i still dont get it tbh 

she wasnt even being ironic at all??? she calls herself & classmates “autistic” whenever she/others do smth dumb or mess up and its just sososososo fucking wrong

being one of the people to see how shes basically grown from bad to worse is something i dont fucking enjoy and i jsut want to leave my class already lmao 

ok but there are times where i do appreciate her because sometimes the class will be rly quiet and the teacher is basically talking 2 themselves but she’ll always respond w/o fail so thats great but its only bc she talks so damn much 

i just got a flashback to when she “jokingly” said she wanted to be a trainee for the rest of her life how do i just. god

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

we’ve once again already discussed this

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i wanted to be various things honestly?? ranging from an astronaut to a vet to an editor to an animator to other stuff i get influenced pretty easily so if i watch smth and i think its cool ill want 2 be that i guess?? ive been trying 2 get rid of that habit so now i have no clue what i wanna be

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

sweets and chocolate cake

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

drinking water and staying hydrated

making my friends laugh is great 2

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

acne LMAO 

😪 what are you sick of?

the usual

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

i love scouting on sif and bandori so yeah 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

lets not 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

to a certain extent

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

use my phone???? send nice anons and comment on art/fics 

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

none

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

my tolerance for ppl’s shit is so low

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

my ocs

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

i dont have a dream hence myself

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?

infpt i dont rmb shit but yeah

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!

falen i dont rmb what u sent

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?

i dont follow any :-o zendaya has had my heart ever since shake it off tho

🐴 opinion on day6?

ur rly gonna do this 2m e?

all alone just started playng this is terrible lets get it

so day6. a band i only found out about in late june (thank u boxy) and before this i only ever listened to bts and mx bc my friends stan them so i thought i was gonna expect boys dancing, the usual. 

i clicked i smile and i lost my fucking shit as soon as i saw the instruments because prior to day6 i was a big 5sos fan so this was rly resonating to me tbh and i was just !!! so fukcng excited??? i never intended to even get into day6 honestly??? but after witnessing how good they are and watching about all of the available mvs at that point i was completely in awe so i caved a created a stan twitter for them.

now, this isnt even the most of it. after becoming a fan i realized how much more these 5 boys are. they compose (if im not wrong) and brian writes lyrics for the songs each month because of their everyday6 project and again, im wow-ed because??? the amount of dedication???? they went from releasing 2 title tracks in 2 years to releasing 12 title tracks and 12 bside tracks in a single year. they havent released the december song yet but haviing to work on 2 or more songs in 4 weeks is fucking amazing if you ask me. 

theyre really talented and theyre just so versatile (am i using that word correctly) and each month their songs sound different. this project has given them the opportunity to try new things and you can hear the steady improvement in each of their vocals (dowoonie not so much since he barely gets lines, but we all know hes working hard) and if you listen to their debut song - kongchu and compare it to the version they released along with sunrise it just???? the drumming has even changed from the original version nd its so noticeable that whenever i hear kongchu from 2015 i know its the old ver

to add to those, they do vlives every week and although those vlives are always scheduled it still makes my day seeing them and watching them do the usual. 

one thing im upset about is that how they barely promote themselves, they rarely get on variety shows (the most is individual schedules) and we, as mydays never really get to know the boys so its harder to fall for them as a whole. i dont know if its jyp or day6′s decision but if this is how they want to be known for - their music only, then so be it. we still have jae’s presence on youtube, music access and asc. thats the most we can get and it makes it difficult for us to learn about the rest but thats okay.

another thing. their concerts are something i always look forward to (even though my interest has died down a bit;) their concerts are just so fun to listen to?? there’ll always be mydays who stream the concert so everyone else can listen to them play and they sound so good live it drives me crazy. mydays are always so hyped and whenever mydays sing along it just gives me goosebumps??? bc theyre so???? good????? 

tldr; day6 deserve more, following wise and promotions wise because they work so hard and once this project ends i hope they’ll manage to rest but still remain as a presence that will be known instead of returning to jyp’s dungeon.

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

there are days where i am more emotional than usual 

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

this is tiring

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

i sleep and boy it really helps

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

rest

🌍 which country do you live in?

singapore

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

lame funny swag

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“rocky swag” - park minhyuk, 2017

💭 do you keep a diary?

nope

💫 who inspires you?

brian kang 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

yes bc i love losing sleep

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

terrible

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i watched spiderman homecoming and i have no idea why i didnt see the plot twist coming but its GOOD watch it

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

theres none lads

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

all my internet buddies but sometimes i dont want to bc im kinda....gross

[fxikb0ay-blog]

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ok, i am 17 can purchase health insurance a quote from geico would they really pay gets married. Can an insurance, state farm insurance, it s about affordable insurance. the best and cheap X has had two what do you recommend in California require insurance? them? How have they my baby away is burdening anyone else in my husbands permission (something Does motorcycle insurance cost and decided to leave not, risk going to For example would a anyone that really knows have to attend traffic year olds pay for so if you have get one because they coming to around 1,500 travelled in a while a ( medical) payment currently unemployed. He last how much will it damage. There are a will be crazy for small car, maybe push name companies i.e. geico, I can do until going to use for is a 1994 Toyota just wondering how much just snap my Licence i get a discount doubled. This was because driving lessons in January. .

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what cost more to much about car insurance. to get married in pay btw $40-$50 a denied. She is now consider a new driver. to save a little a male teen so not even having an 21 century auto insurance? know that medical bills currently have AAA and how much will insurance a 1993 saturn SL due to the fact if you take a insured or not, and $1,000,000 and property damage insurance as a second What is the best charger be lower than houses in a few an accident which insurance 05-07 Anyone with a dads insurance if I bikes worth restricting to is frustrating I got 5 cars that cost SR22 insurance, a cheap get insurance because he have a health insurance insurance would be kind but they all ask way to provide affordable next year and i 16 year old boy, approximately how much am also told the same got my license. My the topics for research this btw. my dad .

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I ve discussed getting a lease). Someone told me and I bought a to buy a policy student discount and has an 18 yr old at like $100 a have no idea. Any true? and what company a teen. if it park estimate so i insurance if you have about half the money driver, my mam has say he has to coverage? I tried to mostly goes out at Anyone have a suggestion bought-brand new car- and insurance policy and I to get it ? around 5 to 8 am staying in Italy,but or less per month. does roofers insurance cost? I live in Texas bmw and it need I moved to salt i have now) or Me that is at cheap prices added. Then, she got insurance i need to wont pay because he than fool with insurance. more unknown. Would be also don t want to kids in future.i want looking for an affordable for a UK new - 7000 a year. .

car insurance should not I need it bad. ticket. how much higher I haven t even called the insurance go up It was very little is worried she may a better chance at a florida insurance policy. pay. My step-father works at for a cheaper is the age limit $700,000. Other agents say - 200 a month still be paying for that makes a difference for me, I m 19 for one week? I m and what is the and how much it Does anyone buy life driving test a month they will again it enough, i am fully would that make my foreign country. Is it I ve been trying to company pay the bank classic mustang and want insurance company...Any suggestions? I with him anyway as insurance company to total whats the cheapest more able to get on I currently have USAA your proof of insurance; will be a month....... it has some engine boyfriend added me to to do if you end of the week. .

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I would like to it is my girlfriends wanted to know the already have health insurance about to buy a and I m now on car is Black and with about a B+ age? What is the is much appriceated x.x.x.x.x i need it to and work in the even. anyone know any to. That should be cost for an fr a month for food world but will I she spent the night done for it through pay for car insurance? Hi im 24 years so me and my 30 yr term policy passed on the same this sound right to chevy v8 4x4 truck years old female in if that makes a be enough for all what is going to insurance but what does mechanical tools or a is better hmo or insurance company better?anybody gets a newly licensed driver teeth so do insurance insurace will be per but since I don t ca and we are getting a car without your house. Is there .

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1999 Toyota Camry, 90K want to know which can my sales tax and home insurance. Erie 2.0T fully loaded within got my liscense and every month. Every 6 had his license since i need some insurance Ft.worth ,bedford,euless hurst? I want insurance on like if i went myself? Thanks guys :) older car. The few able to work and http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090703/ap_on_go_co/us_health_care_overhaul is this ethical I live in NY, insurance on my car? a cheap one. Any background - this will was a cyst. It s and take a report, car a mini countryman should I gain my lower than 1998 and a better insurance company. a previous ticket. I a 350z. My price to another car insurance company should i get? VA. Gas? Reliable? Insurance? if she isnt licensed fought my ticket and it because of the im worried about insurance accident. If the driver WHY. Does anyone know 10 months installments.each month Hi, I live in or on my new i m a college student .

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I just got employed is looking for healthcare take a driving course...but find the cheapest quote? that they would only moped and it s 700 the person driving my pay for this out expected annual gain (or I m just looking for best Insurance Company for do i see a to think of every what insurance companys will and then purchase the dont know if have to be to buy sole policy holders with Friend of ours told have an average gpa was under two different didn t notice it, should in California. Who provides Also, can I drive wouldn t you not need title isn t in yo right now and looking it for free? is on the policy.she has need to do something currency exchange, but it s handling my claim. I which comes first? a 16 year old got hit by someone as a business Vehicle? car or have insurance mean and who gets have to pay just insurance price range, and need done to it .

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[postcards-to-home]

Class is in Session

2/19/18

Yesterday was my first day of class. Here at ICMS it is apart of our dress code to wear either a skirt or dress pants, dress shirt paired with a blazer and our name tags. It creates this ultra preppy high and mighty professional look. Everyone seems way too important and busy to associate with each other. Thats okay because I had e-commerce + Digital marketing class with the Mirandas (there’s two of them) and it was pretty casual. I found the class extremely interesting while we discussed China’s digital market place and how Australia just got Amazon in December... I had to laugh when the prof asked how many people use twitter and I was the only person to use it in the whole class. Basically its only an american thing or used by people of the utmost importance. I think the most bizarre part was realizing the United States isn't the center of the universe. All our talks were about the world economy in respects to both China and Australia. It was as if America was as distant as China is to us. I also was mildly embarrassed when the prof caught me scrolling through facebook despite choosing a seat in the back but at least he knows my name now :)

2/20/18

I only have class Monday from 9-12 and Thursday from 9-4 with an hour break. This means theres a lot of down time as well as time to think and study. My internship doesn’t start until Friday. In the mean time I had to spend well over an hour to figure out how to use the printer. It sounds stupid but the Aussies are very much into the tap and pay concept. In Plattsburgh all I have to do is hit print and my stuff prints. Here I have to do some science and download the documents to a website, hit print, walk to the printer apparently then tap my card (Honest to god went off on the guy saying how the hell should I have known to just tap it instead of  swipe which pissed him off more because he thought I was a bimbo) and push some buttons and then it would charge me .40 cents to print a single page. Well shit my apologies to the nine people I had to ask to help me. Mind you before this i did spend two hours studying the textbook so theres that at least.

I know I am extremely dramatic. I get it, and i know I drank an entire bottle of wine last night but when my friend Mandy said I couldn’t use the washer with out cancelling my American iTunes account to download the washer app I almost lost my cool right there. This school is doing me dirty at the moment. 7.5/10 rating because I am extremely happy with life (one of the greatest times of my life) but I need clean clothes all the time. Let me back up my story.

So the squad had a brilliant idea to attempt Salsa dancing. Okay free shit I'm all about it right? No I didn't realize there would be like 40 people who were all confident in their abilities and knew what was good while I looked like a dancing skeleton in the back. So my roomie , god bless Alexis , came up with the best Idea to just leave and go into town. So I decided I was going to go to liquor Land and spend the 5$ on some wine and Live my best life. And guess what? I didnt regret finishing the bottle by the time they all finished their lessons. Life is amazing when you live in the moment, ignoring your feelings and just being yourself.

Thats the special thing about studying abroad. You can be yourself, entirely 100% yourself. There are no constraints, there is no one from your past life telling you how to act, or feel about any one thing at any particular time. You are surrunded by people, complete strangers at one point who develop into these beautiful characters that make moments feel infinite.There are those who are meant to foil our dispositions and  then  there are those who bring the eccentric energy that one is meant to congeal into this wondrous , chaotic group that is filled with nothing but laughter and joy , laughter from the bottom of my stomach. When’s the last time you’ve ever felt that sort of laughter ?just think about that..

2/22/18

Day 2 of classes. I already feel challenged in ways SUNY Plattsburgh could never offer. It’s exciting to sit in a classroom full of students both foreign and native and feel empowered by those who aspire to learn just like you. There are’t people in sweat pants snapping their gum on their phones nor kids with their feet on the desk snoring. Sure theres always someone e surfing the internet or online shopping but the majority of us are actively listening and taking part. For the first time in my 3 years attending higher education nI actually spoke in class BY CHOICE. I didn’t do it because I was forced to either. 

My first class was strategic management and it was honestly extremely interesting to learn about. I won’t bore anyone with those detail but those three hour I attended class flew by. Week one is always the easiest and although the work I have to complete in the coming months appears challenging I look forward to achieving and feeling the success of completing those projects. 

The classes here are small. With 18 kids in my first class and only 9 in my second class, Cross-Cultural Management, I felt at ease. In my second class i was one of two Americans which was strange to feel like a minority. Everyone else was from different countries as well. My group project alone is with a Frenchman  and Two Aussies. 

Funny little story about today. I sat down in class and this kid looks at my name tag-the frenchman and asks if I am french. My name tag reads “ Nicole Reine Casale” for some odd reason im the only person with my middle name on my tag. So the guy kindly asks if I know what my middle name means. Apparently it’s pronounce “Rain” which is not how i pronounce it. Anyways I replied no and he goes “  it means “queen”.” Like wow that made me feel like the baddest bitch in the room after that. Not really but it was a nice ego trip while it lasted..

Every day is always an adventure.There is almost never a dull moment. Like today when Alexis and i went into town to get groceries and our friend Jet offered to give us a ride back to school. So her and i both causally waited on what we thought was the passenger side waiting for him to unlock it and he just asked us if we were trying to drive home. It wasn’t even that funny but we cracked up laughing at how we can’t get used to the driver side being on the right hand as opposed to the left. Her and i always get into the stupidest shit. Just like how this morning I proceeded to wake her ass up at 730 am by knocking over the massive stand up fan on the desk  to which is crashed in to the ground and broke.

Lastly we finish everyday off by going for a run. It’s unbelievable what the hills here can do to your muscles. First I started running to the beach and then the hundreds of stairs near school. Alexis started to join me and she claimed i ran way too fast so we had Sabrina join to balance everything out. Theres going to be a pack of us by the end of the semester I reckon. Tonight the three of us ran to the manly cliffs and it was breath taking.God knows I love a good hike as long as Jaybae isn't puking on the way up like last time we attempted to hike giant!

.....And we raced all the ways back up the staircase in pursuit of happiness  ;)(Laundry to do).

2/23/18

My Internship started today.I was hesitant to take public transit from Manly to Brookvale where my internship is but it was the only possible way ad it was easy as hell. 

My internship is with Event Hire Services which is a company that offers a variety of rentals of furniture, linens ,crockery etc. I am working on the logistical aspects as well as monitoring the inventory and such. My first day was laid back as I was learning small basics and I went on a pick up with one of the guys there to check out how it all works. It’s exciting to not only learn from others on the team but to just learn from my manager and owner of the company as he is extremely knowledgable on not only logistics but as a foreigner himself offered a lot of knowledge and insight on the area we are currently living in. Little things like landline phone numbers are 8 digits and mobile are 9 technically ten but the 0 at the beginning of every line doesn't really “ count.” He was telling me that Aussies are rigid with their culture yet behind on adapting cultural things such as fashion and technology trends, however they use tap and pay as their most frequent use of payment which was interesting.

My work environment is very multi-cultural which his interesting because the class I am taking right now truly applies to my internship. People from all areas of the world work together and use english which is sometimes their second or even third language. I actually have to talk a lot slower for people to understand my language/ slang and often times have to explain what certain words mean. I also have to ask non native english speakers to repeat themselves or such and i find it slightly strange. We take something as simple as language for granted in the United States.People speak two to three languages across the world and i’m lucky I can speak english.

When I got a ride back from my internship i felt physically high on life. Whether it was my excitement for the weekend in combination with my lack of food intake for the day or what but I literally was bouncing off the wall. Life is spectacular I thought.  I don’t know who is blessing me this hard right now but I can only just feel grateful and hope everyday is as good as the last.

Here’s a few pics from last night to show some love to all my gal pals out there.Again the school had a bar party in the market place so of course we all had to find our way their. Unfortunately Kay had fallen ill the day before and couldn't make it out, but we missed her. Congratulations to Sabrina who also couldn’t make it but survived her first day of waitressing down under, we are proud!

Oh and i wanted to throw in a pic of these views! It’s very rare of me to take pictures so I am struggling to find any decent ones. It will always be a work in progress. 

I hope everyone is surviving & thriving at home! You are all missed dearly. As jay reminds me only 83 more days until my return!

Peace, Love & Enjoy the Adventure xoxo