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strawberrycamel · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Review

tagged by: @aj-itated <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 30!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 46,254 words

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? based on my Ao3 and my old ff.net account: 3 - Fairy Tail, BNHA, DP (though I haven't written for Fairy Tail or bnha in years)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? in order, that would be How to Take Out a Ghost by TooFineFoley, Bad Luck Tuck: The Sequel, ignorance is your new best friend, What Could Have Been, and, surprisingly, A Connoisseur of Fine Art (all DP or DP crossover fics)

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for? both they're siblings, your honor and Big Boy Tucker. i can't choose, they both need love

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? i used to respond to them as often as I could at the start, but i kinda slacked off sometime around the beginning of summer classes. I used to respond to them because they made me really happy and i wanted to let the commenters know I did actually read it and am very grateful for their comments, but after a while it became... idk, draining? I felt bad about leaving the same response to each commenter and got caught up in my own head so I just kinda,, stopped all together. I wanna start responding again at some point, but uh, probably not anytime soon.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh definitely One More Time; I think that's the only fic I've written without some kind of happy ending (anything in the Not Your Son series doesn't count since it's not finished yet :3) and I can't tell you how much it pained me not to make it happy. Don't get me wrong, I loved writing that for going angst week but hole-y shit did it fuck me up

8. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you’ve written? I do write crossovers! The craziest, I think, is my Strange vs. Work: Wife Swap AU, it's not done because I'm seriously stumped for it right now, but it's essentially a DP Marvel crossover where Clockwork and Dr. Strange are forced by a TV host ghost to switch bodies and mentor the other person's 'apprentice'. Peter and Danny have to help them get adjusted to their new environments/bodies and they all have to figure out how to turn things back to normal. This whole series is meant to be based off the show 'Wife Swap'. I have fun making Stephen suffer >:)

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? not that i can remember? like i think it was more grammar and dialogue punctuation nitpicking on my old ff.net fics, never hate

10. Do you write smut? if so what kind? not really, but i have a singular wip that im working on that's definitely spicy

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no? (i was working on something a while ago but we havent finished so, I'm going with no)

13. What’s your all time favorite ship? i don't think I really have one. Usually I just read whichever fics have cool summaries or tags and just dive right in, ships be damned. Lately I've been reading a few TimKon fics and I've been thinking about Dark Ages, UFS, and Gray Ghost stuff a lot over the summer

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? oh, oh god. I'm going to say it and I'm going to feel real shitty about it because it's such a good fucking concept, but I can't bring myself to write anything more than what I already have written and all the notes I just randomly add onto it every once in a while. It even has a title: "Ectoplasmic Pudding".

It's a DP DC crossover fic wip and the plot is about Danny being called by Batman to help with a kidnapping case he suspects to involve ghosts; he needs Danny's expertise and help to capture the ghost. Danny agrees and he meets Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson) on the roof of the police station (after dropping face first onto it because he got blinded by the bat signal). They go by Batmobile and arrive at the scene of the crime where Danny confirms a ghost is involved. A bunch of different scenes of Danny and Robin having a blast while Batman's trying his best to stay on task and then, eventually, they find a warehouse where the box ghost is interrogating a bored looking Mr. Trand, the victim, about some fancy box commissioned by Vlad.

Danny figures out this guy is Bertrand in disguise and since Bertrand's essentially on vacation, they both agree to lie about how they know each other. And then I got stuck around here, but I imagine it just ends up being a series of dumb events where Batman, Robin, and Danny have to 'protect' Bertrand until they catch Boxy and throw him back into the Ghost Zone while the disguised ghost tries to make the most of the rest of his vacation.

Batman and Robin definitely don't believe whatever lie Danny came up with to explain how he knows Mr. Trand, but they go along with it until it's revealed in probably the worst way possible and leads to both of them trying to take the former kidnapping victim to the GIW while also trying to keep Danny from stopping them and barely listening to a word he says (maybe they think he's being threatened somehow or being controlled or smth, idk). Absolutely no clue how that whole fight goes, but in the end Danny kicks Box Ghost into the Zone and Bertrand is told very explicitly never to bring Spectra to Gotham.

15. What are your writing strengths? evoking emotion in my writing? yeah i'm going with that

16. What are your writing weaknesses? planning out plot ahead of time. I can write outlines and write a bunch of notes about what i want to include, that's not the problem. My problem is that all my motivation to write just drains away the moment I have a somewhat concrete plot planned out for a fic- this applies to one-shots and longfics exactly the same. And past that, sometimes I'll make one change to the planned plot and feel like tossing the whole thing out the window and going freehand without the 'constraints' of an outline or anything ..........

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? try not to offend anybody? like, look at good examples of how others have done it and do a lot of research and stuff. Also, be aware that not everything will translate perfectly from the original language you wrote the fic in and whatever language you're translating it to.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Fairy Tail

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Hellbent. A few others come close, but I seriously cannot express the joy i felt writing that first chapter (and when I'm done my minibang fic, I literally cannot wait to get back to it)

20. What fic are you most proud of? that's a tough one, there are a bunch i fucking adore but i think it's tied between The Big Dipper and ignorance is your new best friend

Tagging: @guardianrex, @shinygoldstar, @cleanlenins, @princessfanonanona, and @ghost-pasta!

#tag game #fic writer review #thanks for the tag aj <3

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greygullhaven · 3 years ago

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Fan-Fic FAQ

Thank you for the tag @greyhavenisback

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

121309

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only been on Ao3 for less than a year…

So right now It is 90% Haven with a few things for Resident Evil, Final Fantasy VII, and Lord of the Rings/Silmarillion thrown in.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kissing Scars- (2485 words) HAVEN. First story that I ever posted up on Ao3!

Love Lost and Love Found- (13775 words) HAVEN. Most read fic on Ao3 so far!

Harmless Flirting?- (4185 words) HAVEN. Sweet, sappy, angsty, all rolled into one!

Giving Thanks For You- (4637 words) HAVEN. Yes, another Nuke story- I have an addiction!

All I Want for Christmas Is….You?- (3159 words) HAVEN. First Three Gulls Story I ever wrote!

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I have a collection of oneshots. One of them is an angsty piece that actually has the warning of “no happy ending found here.” It’s a small thing of only a few hundred words but yeah… angsty Duke feels all around!

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Almost all my stories have a happy ending or at least are well in line for there to be a happy ending in the readers’ mind when the story ends. As far as the happiest? I’d have to say Love Lost and Love Found- runs the full gamut of emotions and Duke saves Nathan. A close second would be Making a House Into a Home- small little thing but its part of my Three Stars of Haven works (Duke/Nathan/Dwight) and is a sweet sappy thing!

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I usually despise crossovers but I have read some that are winning me over. I have not gotten to the point of writing a crossover yet, but I am considering the possibility, which is a big thing for me!

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hehehehe Ummm yeah. Nothing toooooo hard yet, I read it but am still getting to the point of being able to write it well. But yeah, there’s some smut and plans for many more. And who know, I get one year under my belt finally maybe I will be able to write it more easily!

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yup- every comment gets at least a thank you reply of some kind. If a comment is nothing but a negative troll then I delete it and move on.

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no, but less than a year into posting my stuff online so I am sure they are to come eventually.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No though that would be awesome!!!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not fully- the amazing GreyHaven has helped me plot out sections and scenes before. I would LOVE to do rps and write fics that way again!!!

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Since I mostly write Haven stuff tight now I will rank my three faves for the fandom:

1 Nuke- Nathan and Duke

2 Three Gulls – Nathan, Audrey, and Duke

3 Three Stars – Nathan, Duke, and Dwight

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Any of them? I have… *glances at WIP list* eeep! 6 different stories I am working on for various characters and pairings in Haven…. So yeah I will get them done eventually…. Life is just being a bugger right now and my brain is only letting me get out drabbles and 1k word oneshots. But I will take what I can get. At least I am still writing right?

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told its characterization, blending angst and fluff, story/setting creation, and conveying emotions/toying with reader and character emotions.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from getting past brain blocks to actually write I struggle with dialogue at times and overthinking certain scene sand details that get me stuck when they honestly probably don’t even matter to the reader or to the grand scheme of the story.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Nope, I don’t do it. I don’t speak any other languages so I don’t trust myself to do it correctly. I might imply another language is being used. “Duke showed off his mastery of the Japanese language again by….” But beyond that, naw. I write in English.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

First ever was Lord of the Rings when I was like 8 or 9. Wrote for dozes on fandoms (mostly animes) when I was in college. A year ago I got back into it after a 12 year break and its been mostly Haven ever since!

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

Hmm. Hard one. I don’t have a lot to choose from yet… so I kinda feel like Im lacking anything worth being overly proud of yet. I really like Love Lost and Love Found because of the premise and emotions and all… and I am proud of any of my Three Stars fics – This is My Christmas Wish, and Making a House Into A home- because I had to create a name for that pairing as nothing existed for Duke, Nathan, Dwight. It’s kinda nice to help bring a great rare pair to the fandom.

Tagging, with no pressure- @lawlessferalgay @divingintohope @lovingmoose @mythoughtsaretroubled

@ anyone else who wants to do this and hasn’t been tagged.

#Ao3 #Fnafic #Fanfiction writiers

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softboyscully · 4 years ago

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Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share

public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right

so ill just go by the grades i guess

Kindergarten, first year

i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit

we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair

i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime

SPEAKING of naptime

i never slept during it

once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe

i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose

sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”

i put it up my fucking nose

try to get it out, just push it farther in

im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts

go up to my teacher

“you’re supposed to be asleep!”

“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”

teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge

just. sends me back to my mat

that was it

the art room was tiny

like re-purposed broom closet tiny

there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced

there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread

someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something

we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class

Kindergarten, second year

i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination

but seriously they were horrible

we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark

me and sarah attained a new friend, john

honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away

i have two vivid memories

one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze

they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down

the other is john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up

it was funny, so he did it again

and again

me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives

after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”

one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie

most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards

my mother was horrified

ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability

1st grade

this is when i moved

beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me

nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool

thing is i was a little shit

told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)

all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)

had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story

2nd grade

i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit

like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us

never actually taught us stuff???

middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.

“what do you mean?”

“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”

“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”

“sure, i could try that.”

“o....kay”

he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)

like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????

there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived

funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me

something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas

also we had fish

every day someone else was in charge of feeding them

one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top

i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”

everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”

we held a funeral

the cause of death is still undetermined

3rd grade

this year just draws a blank for me

all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock

also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here

4th grade

i had two teachers this year

one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch

made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized

i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average

instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating.

she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl

this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once

she sucked, Ms. S

5th grade

this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do

but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++

he legitimately taught me math

we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes

the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles

at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming

also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)

she was kind of crazy

she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked

once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)

Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons

also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:

someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest

a guy named Makenzie won

remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation

we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine

like how the fuck did any of those things get there

and where’s the fourth sock

b o t t l e f l i p p i n g

but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria

my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes

one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video

four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive

like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone

and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit

no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee

me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences

“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”

“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”

“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”

“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”

“RIGHT”

also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”

#public school #percy jackson #percabeth #my childhood #you dont have to read this but i felt like posting it lol #if you've read this far #i applaud you #thanks for listening to my meaningless shit #im gonna be a comedian #school #school stories #adhd #kind of

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kotokeke-kirishimaismybaby · 5 years ago

Note

about this askgame,,, pal just answer what you feel like answering rn i wanna know all of em if im honest

hehehhe challenge accepted

Asks for Fanfic writers

drop a number and a fandom in my askbox and I’ll answer:

1. things that inspire you hmmm music, other writers, projecting my own need for relationship lol

2. things that motivate you uhhh idk I think just wanting people to enjoy their time reading fanfic, because fanfic have

3. name three favorite writers omg I have so many… chonideno, shippeh, newamsterdam

4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why I know longer have recollection of published works, what are book XD umm I’ve always loved JRR Tolkien bc of his world building, theme of friendships, and kickass imagination and dedication to his work

5. since how long do you write? August 30th 2019 lol my first fic

6. how did writing change you? Makes me feel like I’m good at something

7. early influences on your writing any kiribaku fanfic

8. what time are you most productive? Probably the evenings/ nightimes

9. do you set yourself deadlines? I want to… kinda did once but got too stressed when didn’t meet them

10. how do you do your researches? Mmmm google! And flipping through bnha manga lol

11. do you listen to music when writing? Either whatever song is setting the mood for a fic or anime lo-fi beats playlists on spotify

12. favorite place to write cuddled up in 9+ blankets in my bed

13. hardest character to write tetsutetsu…

14. easiest character to write Bakugou mfking Katsuki… bc self-projection probably

15. hardest verse to write the nightmare that baku has in ‘I fall away and you don’t let me go’

16. easiest verse to write Kirishima naming Baku in “a heroes name”

17. favorite AU to write haven’t written any other than in the canon world

18. favorite pairing to write kiribaku

19. favorite fandom to write my hero academia

20. favorite character to write bakugou

21. least favorite character to write uhh I don’t think I’ve run into this problem yet

22. favorite story you’ve ever written “you’re not some useless idiot in my life, got it?”

23. least favorite story you’ve ever written “I fall away and you don’t let me go”… idk why I can’t stand that fic, it’s my most popular fic too

24. favorite scene you’ve ever written post-sports festival spar between kiri and baku from Fated Red…. But that fic also has future scenes I’ve written that are just incredible imao

25. favorite line you’ve ever written Kirishima gives a laugh and reaches a nervous hand to the back of his neck, “I wanted you to have a good time. Seeing everyone pissed you off already… so I thought you’d rather just go for a walk!”

Bakugou deadpans, “You thought that going up 80 floors is the best alternative for cheering me up.”

“Well you said before you liked mountain climbing, so I figured this was close enough.” >>>>> make myself laugh lol

26. story you’re most proud of Fated Red, but mostly the unpublished parts I’m trying to bridge the gap to get to lol

27. best review you ever got all the reviews from sweetonmylove make me cry happy

28. worst review you ever got I’ve been blessed with such good reviews so n/a

29. favorite story/poem of another author Heartbeat Thunder by shippeh is 10/10 my favorite

30. hardest part of writing writing lol

31. easiest part of writing when the characters talk for you

32. alternate title for (insert story title) hmmm n/a I like my titles

33. alternate ending for (insert story title) “you’re not some useless idiot in my life, got it?”--- alt ending has a kiss lol but just didn’t fit in

34. alternate pairing for (insert story title) n/a, I basically only do kiribaku lol

35. single story or multi-part story? Single?

36. one-shot or multi-chaptered story? One-shots for sure… multi chaps are so freaking hard

37. canon or AU? canon

38. do you reread your own stories? Omg yes… and wonder how tf I did that

39. do you want to be published some day? Hmm maybe???

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series I would have loved to see “If I was Stuck on An Island, I Would Bring You” as part of the mha two heroes movies XDXD

41. one song that captures (insert story title) I listened to Touch by Kehlani for almost all fics to keep it soft

42. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind? Plan but so much changes as I write

43. would you ever write a sequel for (insert fic title here) I want to write a small sequel to “you’re not some useless idiot in my life, got it?”

44. do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it? All the time future scenes and I never know how to connect them to what I’ve already written

45. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet Kaminari mentions to Bakugou at band practice to “not hurt Kirishima” and he proceeds to be petty by pointedly aggressively caring for kiri… ends in confession

46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet Ground Zero and Red Riot are an inseparable hero team since the beginning of second year at UA, where the provisional licenses extended to allowing student hero pairings on patrol. They have practiced defense and coordinated attacks, and a reassurance where they both know they are safe with the other around. Kirishima loves every minute with his boyfriend, as his partner both in love and as heroes.

It always amazes Kirishima when he’s surrounded by the flashes of Bakugou’s explosions as he moves around in his attacks. Kirishima sometimes tries to take down his villains as quickly as possible just to watch Ground Zero take down his target with his powerful explosions. They are beautiful and loud.

But it starts slowly, the inevitable.

Kirishima begins to come home from patrol with headaches and blaming them on fatigue and hunger. A low ringing sounds in his ears that sometimes continues even to the next day. Some days it’s hard to concentrate. And other days, Kirishima finds himself turning around in confusion with a question of “what?” before he realizes he’s missed what was said to him.

What didn’t he just hear? >>>>>> it’s a kiribaku hoh fic that I’m completely in love with and don’t wanna mess it up

47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time? 5.. and only two are slow updates

48. three spoilers for (insert story title) “Faded Red” – Kiri and baku gets OFA, the emotion trigger for deku when he gets kiri quirk is love…, it’s honestly self-indulgent kiribaku slice of life scenes with an undertone of them being fated together….

49. writing advice I need some lol maybe to remind yourself that this is for you and don’t have to prove anything to others who may not like it

50. open question to the writer question I want to answer maybe? Will I keep writing and finish fated red and fake it? Answer is yes, eventually, hopefully soon when I stop being blocked and life gets out of my way

#ask #fanfic writing #kotokeke #kirishimaismybaby #i have soo much to do and i spend it on random qs #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #kiribaku fanfic #kiribaku

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spacejew · 5 years ago

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oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

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endwalkr · 5 years ago

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this is an ask based thingy but im really in the mood to infodump so im just gonna answer them all under the cut !

Favorite video game?

starting off with the absolute hardest question huh? i can’t possibly name ONE favorite game of mine because i adore my favorites for many different reasons. my overall favorite video game is ffxv or botw. ffxv because it has brought me so much joy for such a long time, and because i have such a connection with the characters. botw because i was actually in the fandom when it first got announced in 2016 so i got to be there when the hype was at an all time high– and finally being able to play the game after waiting for so long was an unforgettable experience. i have more favorite games but ill talk more about them in the ‘’special place in ur heart’’ question.

First console you owned?

my first console wasn’t a console. my friend and i used to play on her nintendo dsi all the time and at one point tiny little me reeeally wanted one of my own so i saved up and got one in [redacted] when i was 7. my first actual console was a wii though, we got that around the same time.

A game that holds a special place in your heart?

ffxv and botw mean the absolute world to me, but super mario galaxy and skyward sword are very important to me too. skyward sword is the game that got me into zelda which got me into anime which got me into final fantasy etc etc etc. super mario galaxy was the first non-mini game collection and more adventure story-ish game i played. i was so proud when i beat it for the first time and mario was my first ever ‘’fandom’’ :’)

Favorite video game character?

bro. i cant pick just one so i’ll choose one per game : prompto, ryuji and link. they were all my comfort characters at some point and i projected like crazy onto them. this doesnt mean that i wouldnt absolutely die for noct or zelda.

Least favorite video game character?

i dont think theres anyone i distinctly dislike? i always talk about hating ardyn but that’s because he’s just a salty bitch. as a character i think he’s a great villain and i rly love him. i honestly always end up liking everyone somehow, maybe there is someone i just forgot about but i cant remember at all.

Favorite genre?

adventure games, or action rpgs.

Video game character you’ve had a crush on?

every character ever, but i distinctly remember the moment i fell in love with prompto sjghfkshd i was watching a playthrough of xv in december 2016 because i didnt have a ps4, and the guy got to the scene in galdin quay where the bros learn insomnia fell. i had watched about 6 hours of the game by that time and wasn’t particularly interested in the characters but not uninterested enough to drop it. i hadnt even gotten a good look at the characters faces yet, so when the camera zoomed in on prompto when he said ‘’might not be save for us here!’’ i noticed he had freckles. oh god. oh fuck. oh my god hes fucking cute. oh my god better watch 30 hours of this game now

First video game you remember playing?

wayyy before i got my own gaming systems, my then-best friend had a gamecube in her attic. i was around 5 or 6 at the time. whenever i was over at her house and we didnt know what to do, she’d sometimes propose to play ‘’mario kart’’. important is that we are dutch, and i was a literal child. i thought mario KART meant it was a fucking card game, so i always declined whenever she asked. on one fateful day, i finally gave in and was pleasantly surprised it was in fact not a card game, but a viddy game. so we played mario kart double dash. (…i had never played a video game in my life besides browser flash games and was Very Very bad)

Age you started gaming?

so i played my first video game that i didnt own when i was about 5 or 6. then i got my first supply of games at age 7/8, but i dont really consider that time to be when i started ‘’gaming’’. i’d say that was when i started mario galaxy, so i’ve been playing video games for real (ie. story adventure games with boss battles) for about 6 years now.

Hardest video game you’ve played?

this is gonna sound stupid, but the witcher 3. there’s like 7 difficulties and i played on the EASIEST and still had a hard time, i just couldnt get used to the combat. i had the same problem with assassin’s creed syndicate, but after about 10 hours i actually knew what i was doing, and ive played the witcher longer than that and still am clueless. this is kind of an unpopular opinion but i dont particularly like that game

Video game you’ve spent the most time on?

i guess i am what you’d call a casual gamer; i really like video games but during a normal school week i only game for like 2-6 hours. most of the time i dont play for like 2 weeks if im busy. gaming has kind of taken over my life not because i play so much but because i get so emotionally invested lol i’m currently on summer break and even now im not playing a lot because of exhaustion and executive dysfunction. this derailed slightly but the game i’ve played the most despite my casual gamer status is …. … …. ffxv. surprise, right? the runner up is botw, but xv wins by a landslide. 630+ hours. botw is 350. my main save in ffxv is almost 200 hours i think. damn. i really managed to keep myself entertained with that game… (………i was thinking recently, since the loading screens in xv are so long, how much of this total amount was spent watching screens. i imagine it’s several hours, especially if you fast travel a lot.)

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

many moments in my gaming experience are embarrassing, but a more recent one: i was in xv’s postgame, beating some dungeons on my new save file. i had just finished daurell caverns and hadn’t saved in about 2 hours. (uh oh) i was driving around in the regalia type d and got to the big cliff near lestallum, and remembered someone made a gif of jumping in there so i wanted to try it too. i imagined the game would just put me back on the road, like it does when you crash into something. except it didnt. i got a game over. where was my last save? 2 hours back all the way in hammerhead. yippee.

Scariest video game you’ve played?

i never play horror games, cuz for me games are supposed to be relaxing experiences. no hate towards horror games of course, they just stress me out. the only time ive played horror is when friday the 13th was for free on ps+, and my friends really wanted to play it. (theyre kinda addicted to it now. huh) they had already gotten over the initial fear of having jason chase you, but i was still terrified. i can play the game without getting scared now tho. the horror sound effects just rly freaked me out at first jhsdkghsd

Most memorable gaming moment?

playing breath of the wild for the first time, or beating it for the first time. both experiences were filled to the brim with excitement and nostalgia. seeing botw as a blank slate, a world for you to explore, having no idea where you’re going… that was pretty incredible. now i know every nook and cranny of the map, so i wish i could play it for the first time again. i was so incredibly immersed. beating it was insane. i cried for 30 minutes and the end wasnt even sad, i was just so amazed at the fact that i was really here, playing breath of the wild, it was really real. the fucking main theme in the background (which i cannot for the life of me listen to without crying) didnt help with my emotions sgkdjh

Video game character you wish you could meet in real life?

…………..its prompto again. maybe 2017 me …. was .. kind of a kinnie

PC, Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo?

i dont care about console wars at all, but i think hardware-wise, pc is the best, because if you have a good pc you can basically do anything. i however do not, so i just play on consoles. ive never particularly liked xbox, so i only play ps4 and nintendo. not the switch though. its kinda petty, but my best friend and i really dont like the switch djghks

Gaming company you’re most loyal to?

none. i used to call myself a nintendo nerd (oh my god…. i m. gonna die) in like 2015 but since the switch came out and since i got a ps4 they kinda lost me. i still like their game series of course, but as a company i don’t care for them. the only reason i see square enix as one of ‘’my’’ gaming companies is because ffxv took up like 70% of my gaming experience, but besides final fantasy i don’t really love them too much either.

If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

atm i’m really into ffxiv because theres just so much to do, but that’s just a new, possibly temporary interest. if i had to choose, i’d say botw. maybe i’d say ffxv, but i feel like running around doing nothing in that game isnt very fun, because the world is sorta empty after completing every quest and getting to level 120. in botw, just fucking around on your horse is still really relaxing and nice.

Do you use strategy guides?

yup. in certain games i try to avoid them but i usually end up stuck or in need of advice. i couldn’t have gotten so many p5 trophies if not for the internet lol

How often do you use cheats?

never, simply because the games i play often do not have cheats. unless im playing the sims and are in need of a motherlode, i dont use them.

Competitive or single player?

single player. im bad at video games and like to do stuff at my own pace. online multiplayer can be fun every now and then in games like mario kart 8 or splatoon, and i also like teamwork stuff like ffxiv or comrades. but ultimately, i prefer playing on my own.

Video game character you want to/have cosplayed?

have never cosplayed, dont have plans to either, but it would be fun to cosplay link. omg. i just remembered i have that fucking chocomoogle shirt… sorry link im gonna slap on some sasuke hair, black jeans and ugly sneakers

Ever go to a video game convention?

i have not, i have however gone to three (3) video game concerts which is basically the same thing.

Hardest boss fight you’ve been in?

the hardest bosses for me are usually the ones with a gimmick. you have to use a certain item or tactic to beat them or something. other hard fights for me are when you fight someone with a similar skill set. (in ffxv, this happens twice, once with the iggy-noct sparring match and once against ardyn. somehow, the final boss was easier than getting the prince to eat vegetables.) i don’t know an actual example of THE hardest boss fight ive been in though. at the time, the first bowser battle in mario galaxy was the hardest thing in the universe and i got stuck for like a month. currently, i’m having trouble with the riku-ansem fight in kh1.

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

the zelda cdi games? no, i dont really know. i dont hate a game so much that i’d want to forget about it altogether, but i dont exactly love ocarina of time that much. it hasnt aged well and playing it on the gamecube for the first time in 2015 wasnt a good idea. im sure it was revolutionary at the time, but i cant handle the outdated controls gsdgksjs

Favorite gaming series?

see, i love ffxv itself more than the entirety of the zelda series, but i dont love ff as a SERIES more than the zelda games. so if were talking series, zelda for sure. i fucking love those games and they mean a lot to me.

Do you skip tutorials, or find them useful?

i often skip them because i cant pay attention, but then find that i need them anyway. so i usually do skim through them.

Best online gaming experience?

one really good one happened a few days ago in ffxiv, some guy and i exchanged emotes for like 30 minutes and it ended with us becoming friends on psn :’) ppl dont usually emote back at me in that game so this was really wholesome and nice gjshksdj

Worst online gaming experience?

i dont really have a worst? theyre more annoying. think try harders in gta online killing you 15 times in a row because they want to show you how good they are or something. magically, online gaming hasnt been too hard on me (mainly because i dont game online that much)

Why do you game?

it brings me joy. it’s a fun way of relaxing, while being stimulated at the same time. games have meant a great deal to me the past 6 years and i wouldnt want to lose them for the world.

#uh. i really just spent and hour and a half writing this down but ya #i love ya video games #personal #long post #like. really long

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sunnysidewrites · 7 years ago

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Neighbor!Woozi

based on this post hehehe

i just fed yall TWICE. in the span of just 2 DAYS!!! AND THEY’RE BOTH MORE OR LESS THE SAME LONG ASS LENGTH!!! yeah that’s right i went overboard again gtg

happy happy bday to the lovely admin bee of @mansaeboysbe you are such a beautiful person inside and out, and im incredibly proud to know someone like you :’))) i’ve already sent a bday message to you so im not tryna redo it LOL but just know that i love you a whole lot and i always will! 💗💗💗💗💓💓 (she’s also the same person who gave me those beautiful headers on my mlist so please give her tons of love <333) love you sm hub hope you have a wonderful and fantastic day!!!

*to all the mutuals with bdays that have either passed or are coming up, i love you all SO FREAKING MUCH so pls dont feel left out!! it just so happened that i wanted to write this au for a long time and i wanted to present it as a bday gift for this jihoon stan hehe but i rlly love each every single one of u ok babes? <333*

warnings: i feel like i dragged this on for too long but i hope it’s still cute :’)) also i put in a joke like twice LOL anyways lil wooz only gets tongue-tied around you so you become his muse for songs

You were looking for a place to stay in bc “I am a grown adult i am not living with yall anymore” you @ your parents

And they’re like lol ok Good Luck Kiddo

After a month and a half of deeeeep searching you finally find a reasonably priced place to live in

It’s quite a distance from your parents’ home but it’s the point of you moving out to begin with

On the move-in day, you’re carrying your boxes up to your new apartment complex and you hear some tunes drifting from your next door neighbor

And you’re like hey this is actually really good music but i’ve never heard of it

You shrug it off and continue settling in

Once you finished hauling your boxes, you were about to pass out on your couch

Ok you actually did pass out on your couch

But you had to unpack some necessities later that night for bathroom and bedroom purposes

All you had for dinner was pop in some instant ramen and call it a night. You then hopped in the shower and got ready for bed

The following morning it was primarily you unpacking and shifting around your furniture a little but it was challenging by yourself

You were making a good amount of noise and in the middle of the day you were met with a very loud knock on your door

And you were in the middle of unpacking your kitchenware so you were like oh shoot ahh i’ll be right there!!

Little did you know your next door neighbor wasn’t having any of it

Can’t I get some peace and quiet around here? He grumbled as he impatiently waited for you to open the door

I swear, I’m gonna tell them off they won’t even knOW what will hit--

You finally opened the door, and he’s like oh. My gosh.

You had a few pieces of hair sticking to your forehead and your hair was tied back in a messy bun

You were dressed in a faded coral tee underneath a pair of worn-out denim overalls with house slippers

Everything he planned to complain about suddenly vanished and his first thought was:

“Is that Pikachu on your front pocket?”

Apparently he said that aloud, which he didn’t register until he saw you giggling

“Yeah, it was a hand-me-down! Still cute, right?”

And he’s kinda still just staring at you with his mouth slightly agape

And you’re like oh right ahem did you need anything?

That’s when he notices the utter mess behind you: plastic covering still over some of your furniture, half-emptied boxes littered in almost every inch of the floor, etc.

And that’s when it hits him: all that noise was you unpacking

“O-oh yeah, I just,, wanted to let you know that it was getting a little loud since I live right next door”

He silently curses at himself like i almost went off at my new neighbor rip that wasn’t gonna be a good first impression

Luckily for him, you were chill about it and you’re like omg sorry!!! It’s a little tough doing this by myself, sorry for the ruckus

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “do you need any help?”

Jihoon internally: u doofus u have an album to produce whAT ARE U DOING

Jihoon externally: i can help you :))) no matter how smol i may be

But that internal reprimanding melted away when he saw your eyes light up in relief and you’re practically bouncing up and down

“Would you, really??? It would be great if I had another hand around! Oh, but you’re probably occupied doing something, right??” and you feel bad that a stranger, your next door neighbor nonetheless, was about to abandon his work just for you

A cute neighbor, at that

Jihoon is like ok this is your chance to get away and go back to work cmon man

But there’s just something about you that pulls him in magnetically and he finds himself trying to reason internally that it’ll just be for a “few moments”

Yyyeaaahhh that doesn’t happen lmao rip Jihoon’s songs

Jihoon is just like “nah it’s fine I can help out for a bit” and you’re like god bless this human being

When you open your door further to let him in, he’s like oh right btw I’m Jihoon

“I’m y/n! Sorry about the mess, I only got here yesterday evening”

He shakes his head and quirks up his lips ever so slightly, “i remember when my place looked like this too except replace this space with music production things”

And you’re like ooOOoOoOO you make songs??? That’s amazing!!

And that’s when you got the ball rolling!!!

“A few moments” turn into hours and the next thing you know it’s dinnertime

“Oh crap sorry for keeping you for this long,,, those songs won’t produce themselves, right? I think I can take it from here”

Admittedly, jihoon didn’t wanna leave just yet bc he actually enjoyed your company and it was nice taking a break from staring at his screen frustratedly

“Well, I don’t mind helping out. I could show you my work one day if you want”

And you’re like holy cheeseballs yES

He starts getting up and brushing off his clothes and you’re a little sad that he’s leaving and he kinda is too :(

“If you’re not too busy tomorrow, you’re welcome to help me out more! I mean, you already helped me a whole lot today, but there’s still some things left to do”

As much as his brain is telling him to NOT DO IT,,,,

He does it

Next thing you know, jihoon is at your door again around the same time and he has something in his hand

As you let him inside, you ask him what it is and he’s like ;))))

“It’s a CD that compiled just a few songs I thought you might like”

And you’re #shook bc did he really just have a CD like this out in the open or did he really take his time yesterday to transfer songs on it??

“Do you have a player or a laptop?”

“Yeah, my laptop is on my bed, you can bring it out here!” You shout over your shoulder as you arrange your things in the living room

Shortly afterwards he emerges from the hallway and he presses a few buttons and clicks here and there and beautiful melodies ring out from your speakers

You can’t help but stop rustling to take in the sweet tunes and you’re just like :’))) have i heard anything so beautiful??? :’)))

One of the songs sound vaguely familiar and you realize it’s what you heard when you first arrived here

“Did you actually produce this??? This sounds like an actual song you can hear on the radio”

And he’s like yep made by yours truly!!!

He was only using “yours truly” half-metaphorically if you know what I mean ;)))

You keep bouncing to all the catchy tunes and swaying to the soulful ones

And in all honesty, seeing your reactions makes Jihoon feel really warm and even a little proud bc it’s one of the biggest reasons why he loves his job so much

He makes eye contact with you and you’re like :D and he’s like ahEM COuGh coUGh i’m gonna dust this shelf over here

He suddenly stands up and busies himself and you’re like ???? okie dokie

He’s a real help around the place and you’re practically done settling in

As you survey your fresh living space, you can’t help but feel a little…. Disheartened?

Bc it was actually really fun to have him around even while he made blunt remarks about your taste of decorations

“This looks like something my five-year-old niece would have”

“For your information, I got that from a five-year-old!! It’s cute, alright!”

You spent the past three days with Jihoon unpacking and talking about whatever comes to mind

Jihoon is pretty devastated that he has to go back to his makeshift studio in his room as much as he will never admit it

He eventually leaves your place and the both of you are just sad little puppies

From then on, every time you pass by each other, you greet him with a friendly smile and wave and you never fail to make his heart skip several beats

You don’t talk as much as how you first started bc he’s gotten much busier trying to mass-produce a lot of songs

For some strange reason, every time you hear a melody coming from the other side of the walls, you feel like you’re somehow connected with him

Well, except for the muffled cursing LMAO

And sometimes you would also hear several male voices at once and you’re guessing they’re his friends or the people he’s working with on the song, but based on their friendly banter and the constant run-throughs, it’s probably both

You would hear the same melody play over and over again, and you’re guessing he’s stuck on a certain part of a song as he tries to recreate new melodies from that point on

“aaAAGHGHHHGGHHHH” *deep sigh* me trying to overcome writer’s block LMAO

This would happen for about half an hour and you can’t help but wanting to reach out to him, but you’re not exactly the most musically-inclined person sadly

When he ultimately calms down, he goes back to working on the song until he finally gets the results he desires

More often than not, you fall asleep from hearing the slow ballads he creates with a smile on your face

Lil Jihoon does try to visit you and vice versa!! He sometimes shows up with random food and more CDs and you’re wondering just how many songs has this guy produced in his lifetime??? He looks around the same age as you but he’s probably produced 26+ songs by the way he packs a decent amount on each CD

Usually his excuse to sharing a meal with you is that “the guys brought over too much and i have a ton of leftovers that i can’t finish by myself”

In reality, he stared at a restaurant’s menu and contemplated for about twenty minutes about what you would like. This guy’s got dedication not just for work

“Would it be weird if i get fried chicken?? Maybe just a bowl of noodles?? What if soup is better??? It would give weird vibes if i bought drinks too, right?? Or should i just go ahead and buy them???”

Regardless of what he buys, you’re eager to eat anything and everything with your fav neighbor *wink wonk*

You feel bad when he would do that though, so you try to return the favor every so often as well

One time, you ordered some takeout but the servings were waaaaay bigger than advertised and you’re like Idea!! Let’s head over next door!! So you took the plastic bags and put in some drinks before heading out the door

You knocked on the door and that was when you heard light chatter on the other side of the door

You’re like sldjfljds i hope im not interrupting anything aaa mAYBE I SHOULD JUST LEAVE--

Too late, someone’s voice rang out “I’ll get it!” and next thing you know, the door swings out to reveal a face you’ve never seen before

“Oh, hi!” He says a little surprisedly but with a smile nevertheless

“H-hi, umm,,,, is Jihoon there?”

The guy is nodding his head in the direction of the back hallway, “yeah, he’s in the bathroom” and that’s when he looks down at your hands and his eyes instantly light up

“Omg did you bring food?? You’re so thoughtful!! Come in, come in!!” and before you could protest he literally drags you in and you’re met with a bunch of other strangers who are staring back at you like :oooo????

“Who’s this?? Jihoon never mentioned someone coming over today,, AND YOU CAN’T JUST DRAG SOMEONE IN THIS ISN’T YOUR HOME”

And you’re like ya i didnt know either lmao

You’re awkwardly shifting on your feet and praying jihoon will pop up instantaneously bc you’re gonna melt in embarrassment

“I just wanted to give him some of this,” you hold up your hands to gesture your food, “since it’s too much for me to finish on my own”

“Oh that’s cool! Some of the other guys are actually out to get more lunch, but food goes out fast with all of us here,” another guy says as he pats your shoulder reassuringly. “Well, since you’re already here, you can join us!”

“I-it’s ok! I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything, I just wanted to deliver this,,, I’ll get going” and you’re about to zOOM outta there but the same guy who ushered you in is like nO DONT LEAVE

“We’re taking a lunch break, so it’s cool if you join us! I’m Soonyoung” and he’s like :DDD and you’re just like ,,,, what a hyper guy but i like him

Everyone goes around to introducing themselves

you do a headcount of 8 and you remember there’s more guys getting food for them,,,, holy heck how many people do they have???? You’re about to introduce yourself after them but then

“Soonyoung, who was at the door--” a familiar voice calls out in the hallway before he emerges

And jihoon is like dsljLSJDF what the hELL

“Y/N??? What are you doing here???” *side eyes soonyoung*

And everyone’s making eyes at each other like waIT WAIT THIS IS Y/N???

“Soonyoung dragged me inside”

“Gdi soonyoung, how many times do i have to tell you that you can’t go around dragging people to join us???”

This guy who you think is named Seokmin pipes up, “yeah he does this all the time at our workplace too. A lot of our coworkers always end up extending their stay for far too long” and you’re nodding slowly like yeahhh i can see that happening

Soonyoung’s eyes are widened and he turns to jihoon like “is this the y/n that inspired your recent so--”

And jihoon is quick to cover his mouth so his voice is all muffled

“aHahaAHHAH soonyoung’s always the joker, april fools day!!! Let’s set the table, the others should be back soon”

jihoon whispering to soonyoung: you better sleep with one eye open tonight boi

And you’re like uhh alrighty :)))???

About twenty minutes after you’ve arrived, there’s another knock on the door

Soonyoung is practically bouncing on his way to the door and you can hear more unknown voices

They’re filing in and they suddenly stop and look at you like wait what

Them: :o????

You: :))),,, what up

Jeonghan briefly explains the situation to the guy who came in the door first and you’re lowkey intimidated bc he seems to be eldest and looks like he could beat you up to a pulp

BOY WERE YOU WRONG

After jeonghan tells him, he breaks out into this gigantic, cute gummy smile like welcome!! :DD i’m seungcheol! And the other guys behind him follow suit

Jeonghan’s like “this is,, y/n” and everyone tries to be subtle and nods like they didn’t hear jihoon babble on and on about you for weeks

You: ok why do yall act all weird when my name is brought up whAT DID JIHOON TELL YOU

Them: i would tell you but i don’t wanna die just yet sorry dude

Jihoon, somewhere in the kitchen: SET! THE! TABLE!

You end up staying there for a pretty long time, bonding over the whole feast you have and it’s really lively and fun, not to mention super loud with 13 guys in the same room,,, but you’re genuinely having a good time

Jihoon would glance at you nervously occasionally to check on you if you’re uncomfortable in any way

Jeonghan, who’s sitting next to him, notices jihoon’s eyes are practically glued to you and he’s like “is this the part where you confess your undying love and propose”

And jihoon is like shUT UP NO WHAT this chicken tastes great *quickly chugs down water*

You look back at jihoon sometimes and see he looks flushed but it’s not like he’s drinking alcohol

“Jihoon are you feeling ok?? Your ears are bright red” which obviously makes them redder rip

“I-i’m fine,, wow is it hot in here maybe it’s just the spiciness of the chicken let’s open the windows”

You eventually leave them as much as they protest and even try to get Jihoon to guilt trip you (unsuccessfully)

“Don’t leave just yet y/n!! You should stay, right Jihoon???”

“Huh?? O-oh yeah, I mean, you can if you want,,,,, we kinda need to work though”

Everyone’s looking at jihoon like bro wTF are u kidding me

Rip reader i can feel your heart drop :’(((

You’re feeling slightly dejected but you nod understandingly. You’ve already stayed far longer than you anticipated anyways, and work comes first for Jihoon

“Yeah, I totally get it! Good luck on the album guys!” You put on your shoes and close the door

When they finally hear your own door close, they’re attacking jihoon like

“SO Y/N IS THE ONE BEHIND ALL YOUR SAPPY LOVE SONGS HUH!!!”

“I knew it, the lyrics just suddenly got cheesier -- there had to be someone behind all of that”

And jihoon is just praying you won’t hear what they’re saying like “SHUT UP THESE WALLS ARE THIN”

Back at your apartment, it suddenly feels much emptier and lonelier

“What am i doing,,, I just met the guys for like two hours???”

You sigh and you try to busy yourself doing other things but you hear a loud commotion on the other side of the walls with just a bunch of incoherent shouting

You smile and laugh to yourself when you think about how close they all are

Your smile slowly fades when you start wishing you wanna be close to Jihoon and you’re like snAP OUT OF IT!!!

A couple of weeks pass by uneventfully but you notice that Jihoon has gotten more reserved around you

It’s just him being bashful around you and he panics every time he sees you but obviously he doesn’t want you to know that

You’re standing at your little mini balcony and admiring your cute little cactus plants

Just as you start thinking about him and his wellbeing, you hear your name and you’re like wHO’S THERE

You look down and see Jihoon staring back at you and honestly he looks like he’s awestruck by your whole beauty bc seriously everything you wear always looks super good to him

[insert photo]

(also pretend he’s holding plastic bags)

He holds up his hands and you’re laughing bc you know exactly what that means

“Come on up!”

There’s a knock on your door promptly afterwards and what do you know!!! It’s the man himself!!!

It’s just funny how the both of you have this ongoing routine that you know what to expect

When you let him in, he places the bags on your table and quickly smiles to himself when he sees your laptop on your bed

You and Jihoon both mindlessly do your respective roles as usual

He slowly comes out in the living room with your laptop and he’s like “so the album is pretty much done now,,, i can’t release all of the songs yet but there’s one i want you to listen to. I’ll show you after we eat”

You’re like ooo im excited and you start catching up with him as you’re eating

You can’t contain your excitement any longer, so as soon as you eat the last bit of your food, you’re like “oKAY SHOW ME IT NOW” as you’re restlessly shifting on your legs

He nods and pulls up the media player on your laptop. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before pressing play

It’s a melody you’re quite acquaintanced with after hearing it countless times at night, the same tune that lulls you to sleep

You have high expectations for this song, and surely he surpasses them with flying colors

You’re enjoying the song and telling him “wow this is a really good song!” when suddenly some lyrics catch your attention

You hear something about messy hair pulled back, ruffled clothes, eating meals

And you’re like huh that sounds a lot like us haha is that supposed to be me??

Jihoon is avoiding eye contact with you and looking down at his fidgeting hands as the song progresses in its later verses

The lyrics talk about wanting to develop a deeper relationship, one where “it’s okay to tell me anything, your hardships and desires. I just want to see you smile” and you’re like wait,,,,

And one of the final lyrics says something about “i can’t help feeling like this, will you accept my hand?” and you’re like wait wait w a i t

The song comes to an end and silence fills the room

You’re not sure whether you should speak up first or wait for him, but either way you’re speechless and wouldn’t know what to say anyways

Jihoon clears his throat awkwardly and stumbles on his words poor bby

“S-so, yeah,,,, I’ve been working on this one the longest,,,, umm do you,,, like it?”

But you know better that he’s not just talking about the song

“Nah sorry man i’m not interested”

“O.”

April fools kiddos ofc you are

“....yeah. I do like it”

And he finally brings himself to look at you and he’s like !!!!! really????

“Wait, for real??? You actually like it???”

He’s pretty much paralyzed in shock and all he can do is watch your hand move towards his and hold it

“I like it a lot, Jihoon :)”

He blinks slowly and he can’t fight the grin that spreads on his face as he grips your hand back

“I’m accepting your hand now heehee ^^”

“Okay let’s not talk about that”

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curedeity · 3 years ago

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Hello everyone! None of you probably know this because... why would you? But i started publishing fanfiction a year ago today. I started writing fanfic because of quarantine yknow, and wasnt planning to stick with it, but as of today i have 59 published fanfics (ao3 says 58 right now and i dont know why????) And ive written over 170k words.

Im just really proud of myself for writing so much, and wanted to thank everyone whos read my fanfics for commenting and reading and just enjoying them! Ive really enjoyed writing fanfic and interacting with people through it, and while i still feel like im learning a lot, ive gotten a lot more confident in my writing.

So i wanted to do something to celebrate, than i had no ideas, so im planning to update a few fanfics over the day, open up asks for... stuff? Maybe requests? Idk. And i also wanted to know if any of you want me to post my fanfics on tumblr again, now that i have a backlog itll be much more worthehile to just soend a day doing that.

Also, wanted to shout out a few of my favorite fanfics ive written bc i have an ego so ill go by fandom

Pretty Cure - "hard to say" hands down my best precure fanfic. It may be short but it definitely crystalized my conceptions of nagisa as a character and i like the theme i explored. Its about nagisas relationship with love.

Yugioh - my favorite to write wsd actually "a forest (i wont return)" i got to go way more surreal with my writing than i normally do in fanfic and i honestly think luna deserves more exploration. Its about lunas power pre 5ds.

Pokemon- also a pretty easy choice, my 17k oneshot behemoth that is "when we were queen". Written in three days and absolute murder, it tells the story of concordia and anthea taking n's place in pokemon bw.

Winx club - also a pretty clear choice in "Daphnes Ascension" but i want to shine a spotlight on "Drowning While Burning" a much shorter fic that definitely helped me explore my thoughts about Daphne. The themes were a lot easied to keep consistent than in a longfic

And finally

Beyblade - with 25 fics in this fandom its really hard to choose one, but id go with "aquarios reawakening" or "burning aries" both pretty long fics that i actually wrote with some semblance of an action plot! I dont write action that often so it was definitely out of my comfort zone but im so proud of myself for finishing them. One follows hyoma during the start of metal fury and the other follows hikaru postcanon running a tournament.

Anyway, thanks again for reading my fanfic, and honedtly this is me kinda just cangratulating myself and marking this down because wow. I stuck with this for a year.

#please do lemme know if you want me to post my fanfics on tumblr idk how many people would be interested #thank you for putting up with my self indulgence #alright time to go update a fic

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sunnybimbo · 7 years ago

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get to know the author

got tagged by mfin @grassepi like 10 days ago to do this!!!!!! /dab/

long ass post under the cut

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i explain this so often man its a trip. ‘jam’ came from simlish in the sims 3 because of that one voice line that’s like ‘jambabedo?’. i had changed my name to that on skype but when i was VCing with @namerine she could only see ‘jam’ and it kinda just stuck. speaking of: the ‘dingus’ part also came from her so literally this name is all because of her and i love her *fingerguns*

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

by FAR my most popular fic is my collection of sickfics: In Sickness and Health

the only thing that it got beat in was comments from Close to the Heart, but that’s mostly just because it had so many mfin chapters

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

b a b y y o s h i

i literally cant remember how i found this picture or why i chose it as my icon but its my Brand now. yoshi jamthedingus is me

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i literally have so many. there’s @space-peachx, @bears-again, @narwhalsarefalling, @ravenssama, and @miishiiwrites (for some reason it wasnt letting me tag ur main asldhasd) plus a SHIT ton of anon commentors who i love just as dearly!!! i have a lot more but these are the most common commenters and i love them sm i could literally die.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

there are like three fics like that and ofc im gonna list them all

hands down the fic i’ve reread the MOST in the shortest period of time is Sunset in Reverse by @demenior (who i cannot tag for some reason but i hope they know that i love their fic dearly)

there’s this i n c r e d i b l e sickfic by @bosstoaster that i just adore called Drown Out Your Mind that just breaks my heart all types of ways

and there’s this OTHER fic that also fucks me up called strength of the small by @nowweareunstoppable in which pidge is bad ass and also gets fucked up and i literally rec it to all my friends i love it so much

(also a special shoutout to been @velkynkarma‘s Whisper in the Dark. whenever i have the need for a good creepin’ out i LOVE to revisit this one because like... just the description of the Final Boss (tm) alone is enough to give me the willies)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

oof

i have 449 bookmarks from like atleast 10 different fandoms, and about 411 fics i’m subscribed to, give or take a couple because Math. most of them are completed though, but i don’t go through and take them off because i’m a lazy hoe

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

well i just looked up my ao3 and it says i have the most in ‘Alternate Universe - Video Game World’ asjdhsaldhsja aka my mmo au. but technically i think the au i write the most is Modern bc i’m but a simple farmer with a limited mindscape

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

i have 22 user subscriptions vs 199 work subscriptions + 383 bookmarks in total. nice nice nice

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

probably something with a more serious tone (compared to the fluffy wuffy fics i write) like, for example, fatphobia, suicide, and literally just conflict in general. i always feel like im trivializing all of it no matter how hard i try so i just... Give Up because i dont want the backlash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i really want to get better at writing conflicts, as stated above lajhdlsadhls. but also i want to be better at planning out stories because i usually give up near the 3/4ths point of literally every multi-chaptered thing i’ve written

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

definitely rarepairs. voltron is like the biggest fandom i’ve ever been in and my biggest ships are all hunk ships, and all of those are rarepairs OTL

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

35!

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

ignoring the fics i’ve completed and posted on ao3, i have about 52. including the above equals 87!!! m a t h

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i try to write them down but if i write down the thingy i really want to focus on in the fic then i won’t want to write it anymore because it’s out of my head. OTL its a complicated process.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

literally never in my life.

16. How did you discover AO3?

definitely tumblr. i was in the dragon age fandom and there was this fic called The Little Kadan which had fem!inquisitor/iron bull + a baby so like i was all over that asap. i’m too shy to tag the author but u can find them on tumblr at sickly-writes ,,,,,,

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

nah not at all. i’m pretty Niche

(i.e. if you love shunk and/or heith + cuddling, i’m your gal. but anything else is pretty rare OTL)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

not in the SLIGHTEST. i call them all babes in my head bc i love them tho

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t know this @fenri personally but i love their writing so much. i admire their style a WHOLE TON and i think i may have sort of modeled my own after theirs?

like i’m just thinking about it now but it’s definitely after i reread their fic (*ahem ahem* Like Crystal Guts) for about the fifth time that i started my whole ‘prose-y’ writing, which is very very recent aldjhsal

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

be confident in ur writing! if someone says they don’t like it, your work just isnt for them. just because one single person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean its bad!

r e r e a d what you wrote! i use fromtexttospeech.com to catch like... sentence structure/grammatical errors when my eyes are too tired and i find it helps a lot!

if you find a story you like, try figuring out w h y you like it so much. characterization? the way they describe things? because they use sentence structure you haven’t seen before? and then use that new knowledge to try to make your own writing style your favorite *fingerguns*

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i only started plotting fics since last november, which was when i participated in my first nanowrimo. i don’t plot for every single story, but if i’m lost or i want to expand a little, i slap down a bunch of ideas in an empty google doc and go from there!

generally by then i’ve already written atleast a little bit, though.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i can’t even remember what it says exactly now since i deleted the fic after, but someone said my characterization was bad in a super old inuyasha fic. little like... 12 year old me was so sad ;w;

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a bad comment after that, though? which is NICE

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

DEFINITELY any action scene. i can’t make them long or drawn out or else i’ll just be struggling and sweating and generally craving death. i think i just need practice but o o o o f

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i have a few hot n spicy prompts i need to finish that i probably won’t get to until next year salhdjsa

plus a few christmas presents!

and also my pirate au, Wander, which only has maybe 2 chapters left before its complete!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

*sweats loudly*

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not in the slightest. generally, if i’m in a writing sprint or something, i’ll try to get over a 1000 for whatever it is, but that’s for the total and not for the session.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

definitely! even though i’m still shy, im a lot more open to constructive criticism (if it doesn’t come after my soul ;w;). I’m also getting better at being more descriptive, which is something i’ve always wanted!

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i have two. don’t make me choose

the first is technically cheating because it’s part of a series, and the series is my favorite BUT I DIGRESS. The Witch and the Mage (which is... one of my less imaginative names) is an MMO AU in which shiro and hunk are in love and also i have a vague plot outlined somewhere in my drive that’s pretty wild if i do say so myself. i may never write it but its there and its my favorite and i love the imagery i used in it.

the SECOND is a heith cuddle fic, because that’s basically my brand as a writer. it’s called home and i wrote it when i was very tired and couldn’t get to sleep. i may have been craving human contact? who knows in this economy. even though i see a number of things i wish i could fix about it, it’s just very self-indulgent in more than one way and its very dear to my heart.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

most of the fics i wrote earlier on are pretty bad imo, but i think the ones i hate the most are part of my You Are Beautiful series. it’s grossly out of character (mostly in keith’s case) but it was the first thing i’d written in about four years and i was so proud of it. so it has to stay up for posterity, tbh.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i really hope to still be writing by then. maybe with my own personal book in its planning stages atleast??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) gotta be optimistic!!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

dialogue? also describing rooms. i love just... randomly popping out something that describes the placement of a couch in relation to a door.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

i always always always get distracted when i’m trying to write. if i’m in the zone, someone in my family is definitely gonna try to get my attention. it’s sort of become habit for me to just interrupt myself first so that i won’t lose whatever train of thought i had LMAO

33. Why do you write?

i like the way my words sound when i string them together in the right (write... *badum ts*) way. it makes me Feel Good (tm).

also i love giving characters (that mean something to me) attention, because it’s like i’m giving MYSELF attention. a two-for-one!

Tagging:

@sleepyhunk, @narwhalsarefalling, @space-peachx, @sammythemattressthief, @bears-again, @kurosakiami01, @maternalcube, @ace-pidge, @darlingmuses

+ if anyone i tagged earlier would like to, i would literally be honored if you would do this! but no pressure, ever <3

#phew this took a while #i tagged so many people all over the place and also i dont have any punctuation #if you read this all the way through you're probably a god and im scared of you? but also ily #jam gets fuckin tagged in something holy shit #but also #IM SORRY FOR TAGGING YOU IF YOU DONT KNOW ME AND IT MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE #please yell at me so i never do it again <3 #love you bye #long post #edit: me: i'm gonna put this under a cut!#also me: fucking forgets to put it under a cut

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magnuslightwoodbane · 7 years ago

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Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

I was tagged by @confidentalec and i’m having an emotion about it, thank you <3

1. LIST OF WORKS PUBLISHED THIS YEAR

different day, different me

peace talks

blood on my hands

book club

(you are) rarer than diamonds

you’re a modern masterpiece

someday

there’s a clearing in the forest

like gold through trees

the surprise

2. WORK YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF (AND WHY):

probably like gold through trees or different day, different me! idk i like the feeling both of those have

3. WORK YOU ARE LEAST PROUD OF (AND WHY):

i don’t think i’m not particularly proud of anything i’ve actually published? like there are things i’d change, and i feel like rarer than diamonds was a bit rushed as i was trying to get it out in time for malec week. still enjoy it though!

4. A FAVORITE EXCERPT OF YOUR WRITING:

uhhhh im bisexual do u expect me to choose or

“ He loved how straightforward Alec was sometimes, and he still loved it now, but Alec had a way of seeing through every façade he put up with his bluntness and it unnerved him a little how easily Alec had taken up residence, not in his heart, but surrounding, enveloping, protecting it.” - blood on my hands

““I told him about my mother and father today, and he still hasn’t decided I’m too much. Can Raziel himself be summoned somehow, so I can thank him for Alexander? I’m pouring out the worst parts of me to this wonderful man and he still thinks I deserve his love.““ - like gold through trees

and p much the whole of there’s a clearing actually

5. SHARE OR DESCRIBE A FAVORITE COMMENT YOU RECEIVED:

i really liked this one on book club, it made me super happy “ DIJSJFJSJFJJS SHADOWHUNTER AND DOWNWORLD RELATIONS STOP BEING CLEVER “

someone once told me i write flirting really well, which i loved bc i like writing dialogue. and like every comment when i post stuff in the uh. fruity group chat makes my heart swell

6. A TIME WHEN WRITING WAS REALLY, REALLY HARD:

most of the time tbh? i can only really write when i’m in the mood, rather than force it, but the mood is happening more and more and i made myself write the surprise in a couple hours for christmas so!

7. A SCENE OR CHARACTER YOU WROTE THAT SURPRISED YOU:

i wasn’t expecting to write there’s a clearing at all. i kinda was thinking about how paul would experience his whole situation, and was gonna throw up some headcanons in a tumblr post, but then that happened

8. HOW DID YOU GROW AS A WRITER THIS YEAR:

i actually started writing after about 8 years, and publishing it for the first time too! i’m forever grateful to malec for giving me muse to create; shadowhunters has meant more to me this year than i ever thought it could.

9. HOW DO YOU HOPE TO GROW NEXT YEAR:

i hope to write more often, post more and longer works! i do have a few multichapters planned as well as oneshots so

10. WHO WAS YOUR GREATEST POSITIVE INFLUENCE THIS YEAR AS A WRITER (COULD BE ANOTHER WRITER OR BETA OR CHEERLEADER OR MUSE ETC ETC):

i know we’ve only been talking for just under a month but the magnus bane isn’t smol squad have really helped! none of my irl friends are into sh (which is totally fair) so it’s nice to be able to talk about ideas with other fans, and to support each other bc theyre all so talented

11. ANYTHING FROM YOUR REAL LIFE SHOW UP IN YOUR WRITING THIS YEAR:

yeah! i was a bit stuck for an au for malec week but that week i was covering the jewellery counter at work due to holidays, so i wrote what i knew lmao

12. ANY NEW WISDOM YOU CAN SHARE WITH OTHER WRITERS:

one thing i’ve learnt, particularly with regards to oneshots in fanfic, is you don’t need to tell everything. so many times i’ve been daunted bc i feel i have to set something up completely, or write everything that happens, but it’s completely viable to jump straight in sometimes, write timeskips or speed up the action if it’s dragging.

13. ANY PROJECTS YOU’RE LOOKING FORWARD TO STARTING (OR FINISHING) IN THE NEW YEAR:

i’ve been tossing ideas into a document for an edom multichap for months now, so i want to at least get started on that! i have a bunch of wips from the 2a/2b hiatus that i might see if i can recycle, as well as a bunch of other wips. i also am kinda thinking about taking prompts? idk, we’ll see

14. TAG FIVE WRITERS/ARTISTS WHOSE ANSWERS YOU’D LIKE TO READ.

probably already been tagged but i tag @simonsprettyface, @gayndsoft, @magnusandalexander, @harryshvm and @imawriteriwrite!

#tag memes #ofc u dont need to do this!#long post #jack's originals

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ts-seychelles · 6 years ago

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EP. 12 - “Oh How The Tides Have Turned” - REGAN

https://youtu.be/87W1CYDauwc

Honestly that tribal council last night could've gone better, but I think that may have been the best outcome we could've seen.. What last night really shows is that my "side" won the battle, and now those who remain from the other side Jared/Nicole/Asya are kinda scrambling to integrate themselves.. Jared is definitely someone I know our side thinks we can trust, and he's doing a great job at integrating himself within the group for sure As of now, I've been thinking about it more and more, and Jared telling me that Dan was REALLY thinking about getting out Augusto, and what Dan was saying in the process, makes me really think that I can't trust Dan anymore.. He's playing Jared really hard to try to make sure that Dan can have Jared and Nicole on his side when our group splits, and I'm not liking it too much The thing that disappoints me is that I really trusted Dan 100%, and if I didn't hear that he was doing this, I probably would've still stuck with him EVEN AFTER he voted for me at the f11 tribal council.. Now what I've gotta do is play the field a little more. Nicole told me she lost her vote at ghost island, and I'm not sure how many people are going to know that's a fact or not, but I'm glad that I know she can't vote, really meaning the only person's vote I'd actually be concerned for is Asya.. By working with Roxy, Regan, Augusto, and Jared, to take out Dan, I think we can efficiently pull off a blindside on him and send him to jury, freeing up Vilma, Asya and Nicole, bc tbh, Dan has remarkable relationships with all three, and it's almost becoming too little too late before Dan becomes too powerful in the game I know i'm not necessarily out of hot water yet, especially because I know certain people would salvate at the thought of taking me out, but I've just gotta keep playing it cool, and not make it too known that Dan is probably my next target.. Kinda disappointing the way things ended with Alex and I, but he gave me 0 effort after he voted for me, and I'm not really going to do the same for him after he made a f2 with me, tried to convince me to not play my idol at tribal, and then being the one that was mad at me after tribal, because I asked him to vote for nicole before tribal, when I was actually voting for Ricky.. Shame shame shame Mr. Crooks. Shame shame

OMG this is perfect Roxy just told Regan wants a F3 with us And like THATS WHAT I SAID MY IDEAL F3 WAS I'm all for it Alternative contenders would be Dan and Nicole But I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the end with anyone else really I want to get rid of one of Jared / Johnny asap I know they're close plus they're way too unpredictable I don't like unpredictable players I want to be able to predict where everyone's loyalties lie

I forgot to add this into my last confessional, but Jared and I just promised each other f3, and I don't intend on going back on that.. I know that I am going to try my hardest to get to the end at this point, by any means necessary. It's single digits now, and i'm ready to start being a little ballsier with my moves. Bring it on bb and let's see how deep I can get being crazy heehee

So jared and johnny told me to play my idol last round So I did And i wasted it But vilma got the idol clue AND BAM i told her to search where I thought it wasnt so I could get the idol and I did. I wanted the control. But if vilma gets votes I'll use it on her. I trust her 100% because she has yet to lie to me. And also because I think I can beat her. This time no one but her knows. I had to tell her or else it wouldn't be fair. oh how the tides have turned. We are iconic

these people suck, i miss ricky and alex

https://goo.gl/images/HZwhVx

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://goo.gl/images/kDMJVb

somebody please send this to jared i think he’s confused.

So I have a lot to catch y’all up on so get your tea cups! Asya and I talked last night and formed a super close alliance and somehow we ended up being the swings for tonight so that’s exciting! Also I’m glad I won immunity tbh! Anyway, the vote is between Nicole and Jared for sure but there was a group made to see who should go first and the consensus there was Jared. However, there are pros to Nicole leaving as well. So far it’s 3 votes for Jared, 1 for Nicole, 1 for Dan with Asya/myself/Roxy deciding how it goes. ps, Nicole lost her vote at Ghost so that’s dope. I was also told by Regan that she found another idol but she told Vilma I have a double vote so yikes gjdngnfnf anyway gl noms

(SIGH)

I know this ain’t that deep but ngl, I am the swing vote this round and a reason that I didn’t want to make the smarter move in my eyes is because I didn’t want it to affect my relationship with Regan who is someone I value a lot in this game but then I had to realize that the reason I’ve left so many times and left early for that matter is because I valued other people over myself and honestly, my time is now and I need to be selfish since that is the business I need to finish. I need to learn to stand by ground a bit more because I feel like I’m doing well in this game and if I want to win, I need to be a bit more assertive and all about me.

16.39 Why's everyone sleeping on the fact that Jared and Johnny never wanna eliminate each other It's pretty clear that they're protecting each other But nobody wants to vote Jared or Johnny out with me ughhhhh Everyone thinks it's too early I'm more concerned they will somehow slide to the end And then we all just lose against them I guess I'm not as scared to make moves because there's two idols that are on my good side but idk It's hard! 19.02 Phew okay Regan wants Jared too 20.14 I mean I understand feeling reluctant to take out the big threats but we're about to enter f8 and and if over half the people in f8 are people I think I have absolutely no chance at beating then that doesn't look too good for me If I was one of the big threats I'd want to keep a shield in as well But I'm not, and I definitely don't need 934873 shields I need to start getting rid of the big dogs 20.48 I'm actually not 100% sure whether it would be smarter to take out Jared / Nicole now but I find Jared so much more intimidating My only concern is Asya/Nicole/Dan/Johnny/someone somehow coming together if we take out Jared now. But I think it would be semi easy to convince people to vote out Johnny even if that group tried to take the control. Plus I know Roxy is pretty determined to get rid of Dan. I hope I'll be able to slide through even if we take out Jared now. It's just that I'm not very close to Nicole at all so I don't know if she has other connections besides Jared, Dan and Asya. 2.14 I still think we're gonna go after Jared tonight but there's been a bit of messiness going on and you never know what's gonna happen during these two hours before tribal so we shall see. OH I think I forgot to tell but I got the idol clue with my mani-pedi and shared an altered version of it with practically everyone (ok not really but almost) but I soon realized I didn't alter it quite enough. I got lucky none of the guys found it though, because I definitely didn't want any of them to get that power. BUT Regan found it instead and she's at least convincing me she would use it to protect me too if needed, but I'm not absolutely convinced of that yet. I'm pretty content with her having it though, because I think we have similar interests going forward in the game and I wouldn't mind going all the way with her. Plus two idols in my possession would have felt like a bit too much hahaha. I don't deserve that much luck, I already got saved from death thanks to a host influencing a pre merge tribal for fucks sake.

Another round of me sucking at confessionals, so i'll give the long story short 1. regan made a chat with the five people on our side, excluding myself, to talk about the pros and cons of getting out jared vs nicole, bc regan thinks i cant be trust and im going to run everything to jared? okay cool 2. After me spending the entire day to help jared and nicole, jared further sinks himself by telling dan that he wants to go for me or regan, and then he's telling me that he wants to go for dan, and he's trying too fucking hard to deflect attention off of himself, which is such a mood 3. This group of five decided that jared has to go 4. Regan is lying straight to my face, when I've told her I'd be flexible with the vote and do what our group wanted to do, but regan wants to be EXTRA instead and lie to me...... im watching you sissy 4. Augusto had this plan to get me him roxy asya (tbh i had the same idea, but it came out of his mouth, he can get the credit) to not vote out jared, but instead vote out nicole bc nicole is less threatening, thus more detrimental to our long term games since we feel like we have no chance at having nicole's support, when nicole is more likely going to work with dan or regan instead of myself augusto or roxy, and if jared continues down this path, he's likely going to shoot himself in the foot AGAIN in a future round, so this isn't an awful idea, and I hope it works.. If this works, another big round for ol man johnny man and it helps me position myself better within the tribe. bring it on :)

This round is exactly why someone with a panic disorder should NOT PLAY TUMBLR SURVIVOR. I literally feel like I'm going to puke this round. I'm thinking the vote is gonna be 6-3 tonight against Jared, but I'm just really unsure. I feel like I'm def getting the 3. I just feel like this game has been a fucking shit show the last few rounds and no one has gotten to see it mainly because people just frantically message in PMs instead of alliance chats, or to the VL. I think this cast is iconic, and honestly if I get sent to jury, I'm literally so proud of the improvement I've made in tumblr survivor. Obviously, I want to win, but so many people left deserve it, so as long as some bump on the log like Roxy or Asya don't win I'm cool as a cucumber :~) I am 10 seconds away from kermitting tho, so see y'all later.

JARED IS SO DUMB Yes i know Johnny is protecting you none of us are that dumb to think otherwise Secondly I have the merge idol. He doesn't stop claiming you have it you ho.

https://youtu.be/8FCoZiUBHHo

#itsgametimekids

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the-emophoenix-hoard · 7 years ago

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all of the asks? I'm a dick :3

Omg okie

lol I’m assuming you’re the same anon that asked me for all the questions those other times

Im gonna put it under the cut

The meaning behind my url: lol idek, one of my old college frens was hobovampire and I wanted to do something along those lines idk

A picture of me: It won’t let me add one but here http://the-emophoenix.tumblr.com/post/161402700146/i-was-tagged-by-spookyowlfren-idek-i-had-to

How many tattoos I have and what they are: I don’t have any yet

Last time I cried and why: Death of my favourite character in Lost

Piercings I have: Technically two ear piercings but they’ve closed up, I’m planning on getting them redone over the next few weeks

Favourite band: TOP, Linkin Park and Fall Out Boy

Biggest turn offs: idrk I’m ace asf but being a dick make me wanna be as far away from someone as possible

Top 5 (insert subject): you gonna need to give me a subject bruh

Tattoos I want: I want an Undertale heart, the TOP skeleton keys and a watercolour owl

Biggest turn ons: again idrk, but just be nice to everyone and you’ll see people wanna spend more time with you

Age: 19

Ideas of a perfect date: idk bruh

Life goal: Just be happy and safe, and I wanna complete my comic too I need to actually start tho

Piercings I want: I wanna get gauges in both ears and maybe a cartilage piercing too

Relationship status: Single as a pringle my dude

Favourite movie: My inner nerd will always love Transformers and Avatar but Kingsman and p much any Ghibli are my faves

A fact about my life: ummmmm idk lol

Phobia: Falling lol, I’m okie with heights but I panic when I feel like I’m falling, like in planes when they cut the engines for a moment or big rollercoasters, I can’t stand those mental fairground rides

Middle name: Bruh I have 3

Height: around 5′6 I think

Are you a virgin?: Yeeeee boi

What’s your shoe size?: 6 or 7 UK size, depends on the brand

What’s your sexual orientation?: Def asexual but romantically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: I drink sometimes with the gang but never enough to be drunk

Someone you miss: my family mostly

What’s one thing you regret?: Leaving home without waking mum up when my stepdad told me to, he isn’t talking to me now because of it

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Chris Hemsworth or Chris Pratt?? idk I love the marvel bois

Favourite ice cream?: Vanilla and mint choc chip ^w^

One insecurity: I’m worried I’ll never be able to live up to what others think I’m capable of, I’m worried others are gonna leave me too

What my last text message says: I’m proud of you

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: Ew nah

Have you ever painted your room?: Yeee of course

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: Nah

Have you ever slept naked?: bruh if you live in a country that normally wet and windy and normally around 15*C and for one week it shoots up to 36*C and you’re telling me you sleep in jammies for that week I wanna see proof

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: I don’t think so lol

Have you ever had a crush?: Nah

Have you ever been dumped?: No but I dumped someone else cringe

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: Hell no, why on earth would I steal from my buds?

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: No stranger danger!!!!! I think I did once tho when my frens were with me and they knew them

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: I think when I was like 7??? I don’t remember but I was v anger child

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: Nah the old man would’ve caught me cos he’s a really light sleeper, I’ve had no reason to either, my parents house is tiny anyway

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: Nope, I’m starting to see a theme with these, wow my life is boring

Have you ever been arrested?: Nah

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: Ew no

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: sorta ech cringe

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: Fuck no! I would’ve been kicked from here to next week

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbour?: Well because all of my neighbours have been creepy weirdos or people I still haven’t met yet since moving into college nahh

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: Yeeee, We finished all our assignments and we had no reason to go to class anymore so we went to the park for an entire day

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: Sleepovers with the gang of course but not like slept together

Have you ever seen someone die?: No and I hope I never have to

Have you ever been on a plane?: yeyeyeye multiple times, mostly to see family in Sicily, but I’ve been to Greece and Pompeii too

Have you ever kissed a picture?: yeyeyeyeyeyey

Have you ever slept in until 3?: bruh p much every day

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now?: I love my frens and family equally and I miss the ones I’ve left behind and the ones I can’t be with when we need

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: yeyeye of course

Have you ever made a snow angel?: Dude snow is my fave

Have you ever played dress up?: Not for a long time lol

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: Probably???? not for a v long time I think but I can be v competitive

Have you ever been lonely?: All the time rip

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: haha yees

Have you ever been to a club?: yeyeyeey it was good fun but its not really my thing

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: Well I slept through the two I was in when I was younger and some of my classmates swear they felt one when we were in Italy

Have you ever touched a snake?: Gimme the snek!!!

Have you ever ran a red light?: Nah I don’t drive yet

Have you ever been suspended from school?: Nope, I’ve never gone that far

Have you ever had detention?: Many times, and always for stupid things cos my school was way too strict, mostly for missing homework tbh

Have you ever been in a car accident?: Yeee, only a small one tho

Have you ever hated the way you look?: Yeeeeee, I feel way more confident in myself with short hair now

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: I don’t think so, If I have I probs didn’t know it was happening

Have you ever pole danced?: Nope

Have you ever been lost?: Mum driving down to London and many times since leaving home

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: Well I’ve been to Land’s End and Norfolk, but I haven’t been further north than Snowdon, does that count???

Have you ever felt like dying?: Yeep and I came v close to actually doing it during my last month or so at home, my frens were the ones that kept me going, I made a promise

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: yeee, Unfortunately

Have you ever sang karaoke?: yeee when Mamma mia came out and Abba was a thing again

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: Yeeep

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: Yep and its cos my lil brother did the exact same thing

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: Nah

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: Nope

Have you ever sang in the shower?: All the time yeyeye

Have you ever made out in a park?: No am virgin bruh plus ew cringe

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: I think maybe once after going to my cousins wedding

Have you ever glued your hand to something?: I superglued my hand to my shoe while trying to fix a hole in said shoe

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flagpole?: No but I dared a fren to and laughed

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: No? are kids in America okie?

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: Nah, none of my schools have had big enough teams for that

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: Nah but it would be nice to watch the stars from the roof

Have you ever brush your teeth?: Well I’ve been on this planet for nearly 20 years, it would be kinda worrying if I hadn’t yet lol

Have you ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?: Alien, I haven’t been able to watch it all the way through, my mum scarred me lol

Have you ever played chicken?: I think for a school trip into Dartmoor to see who would jump off the highest rock into the gorge pools, I failed lol, I didn’t even want to climb up see Q18

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: Yep, my swimming club were arseholes

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: A few times but its mostly when dickheads say it to make me uncomfortable, yeee those guys

Have you ever broken a bone?: I think I fractured my thumb when I was smol and mum thought I fractured my back when I got knocked out for the first time

Have you ever been easily amused?: yee course, thats just me lol

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: Everytime with @spookyowlfren and too many times with the gang

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: probs when I was smol

Have you ever cheated on a test?: Nope, if I have it was never one that mattered

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: fuck yes, thank good for name tags

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: yeyeeyeye and I love them to bits, its always a weird experience meeting with them IRL cos I’m so used to listening to them, its like meeting an old fren you haven’t seen in years even tho we talk every day

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows.: Idrk… I’ve always been really honest with you guys

#ask meme #about bean #long post

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stellar-stag · 8 years ago

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Wow it’s been a while since I did a personal update here huh

I’ve honestly transitioned a lot of my venting/personal stuff to twitter

(I promise I havent abandoned you for my furry friends)

(I kinda have)

(I totally have)

(sorry)

But I feel like the last couple months have been a whirlwind for me, so I may as well keep y’all in the loop. I’m gonna sort these by topic.

First off, I had some issues with my romantic feelings. There’s a guy, a very very good friend, who is just fantastic in so many ways. Friendly and kind and supportive, progressive and enthusiastic, and shares so many of my interests. Seems natural that I would fall for him, right?

Well I did, and it resulted in a lot of emotional duress.

He has a girlfriend, and I knew this going in, but I didn’t fight my attachment. In the process of admitting my feelings to him and working through everything, I learned a lot about myself and got some practice in controlling my emotional state and how I react to things. But I also relied on him as an emotional crutch and used him for validation, especially during some particularly low emotional points, which is unfair to him. It is only because he is immensely understanding that we remain close friends, and this could have easily resulted in disaster.

But through this process I have grown, and identified a new issue blocking me from being of completely sound mind: Low self-esteem and reliance on others for validation. During my more anxious periods, I would slip into joking self-deprecation, and somewhere along the way it stopped being so joking. But surely, now that I’m taking meds for anxiety it would stop, right? Well, no. Turns out, even if I stopped consciously having thoughts of “Wow, I’m so bad at this”, I didn’t automatically gain appreciation or acceptance of myself. This manifests in a particularly dangerous manner when guys who are attractive are nice to me.

I end up conflating kindness with romantic intent, and decide that obviously, if someone doesn’t have romantic interest in me, I must be irreparably flawed in some way. This is bullshit, and I consciously understand that, but my subconscious doesn’t play by the rules. So I end up in a self-loathing spiral that only manifests in periods of intense romantic desire, and a month later I’m exhausted, bruised, and have run the risk of alienating those around me who care about me.

So how to fix it? I suppose I’ll need to work on drawing validation from within, so that rejection feels less of a condemnation of my character and everything I am. It won’t be simple, to be sure, but understanding the issue is the key to overcoming it.

Here’s hoping.

Secondly: I started working out! As of today, March 24th, I have been to the gym 12 times this month (half the days, holy shit) and thats because I, last week, decided to go from 3 workouts a week to 5, solely because I wanted to. If you told me a year ago that I would, of sound mind and body and my own volition, wake up every weekday at 5:45am to go workout for an hour, and enjoy the experience, I would have called you a liar.

But I am, and I do. I think it’s benefitting my mental health and self confidence, and I’m thankful that I’m in a place where its even an option. This is only possible due to a coalition of so many factors: A free gym in my office and a natural predilection to waking up early to remove barriers, I started taking Vyvanse in January to aid in my attention issues (not sure if I have ADD/ADHD or what, but it’s helping me remained focused in all aspects of my life and for that I am grateful). And, of course, two people who aided in the impetus for beginning and making it a habit: My dad, for giving me crippling self-worth issues my entire life and then visiting in February and criticizing my health and weight (because I was sweating after walking up a hill, which more and more I realize is not actually an indicator of my exertion! I am just a person who sweats easily, and its more a function of temperature and endocrine system than anything else) and giving me the sheer spite to begin working out, and the guy I was crushing on (who is intensely into working out, and I wanted to impress him. Yeah, I was hella thirsty. Sue me).

Regardless of the reasoning, I found that (once I cut cardio because seriously, fuck cardio), I enjoy working out in the mornings. It’s calming to wake up by exertion and then cool down slowly at my desk before other people even wake up. It’s given rise to a ritual of sorts where I get to my desk, deal with my emails, make breakfast and tea, all before anyone shows up, so that I can really hit the ground running. And more than that, I don’t have a goal in mind. I’m doing this because I know it’s good for me and I want to be healthy, and I enjoy the exertion and following “good” tiredness. If I was trying to lose weight or trim fat, or stuck only to cardio, I would have given up by now. But its a habit, and I love it, and I’m sleeping better, eating better, and feeling better.

Again, this is only possible because of an alignment of several factors, but I’m thankful for it, and I’m glad I got out of the mindset that “workouts must suck but people do them because they wanna lose weight”. You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do, and I wish I had realized that sooner. Im feeling way better about my body, even, because despite the fact that I haven’t lost weight or gotten trimmer from working out, I know I’m eating (pretty) well and working out, and that my body does everything I need it to. I can take pride in the callouses on my hands and the soreness of my body, because they’re proof of dedication, exertion, and effort, and those are way better things to feel good about than shape and size, anyways. If people think I’m unhealthy because I have fat, they can suck it.

Thirdly, I’ve begun looking for a condo to buy! Housing in the bay area is STUPID EXPENSIVE (and yes everyone knows this, and I know this, but it bears repeating). But I can put a down payment on a one bedroom in a good location, and I’m prequalified for a loan, and I just need to keep waiting and pouncing on leads. I think I’ll be happier living by myself with a kitchen to myself, and still going out to social events to prevent becoming a hermit. Plus, with this setup I can maybe bring dudes back and not have to show them the pigsty that is our living room or the shoebox that is my bedroom. I was terrified at the start of this process, but my mom and the realtor have been awesome about taking this step by step and ensuring nothing is confusing or surprising, which is sweet.

Fourthly, possibly because I’ve been taking Vyvanse but also possibly because I’ve finally begun understanding what the hell I’ve been doing, I’ve really hit my groove at work. The project I’m working on is complex but interesting, challenging but well understood, and I don’t feel alone but still get to feel a sense of ownership. It’s not the most fulfilling thing ever (I don’t know that working on payments platforms for a corporation ever will be) but I enjoy work, I don’t loathe going to work, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog all this week, I came in everyday (after working out) to work full productive days, and I was happy at the end of each of them, more or less. Its not perfect but its head and shoulders above what most people get from their jobs, and I’m immensely fortunate to be in this position.

Fifthly, this is more a continuation of already known things, but I’m making cool friends in the furry fandom. I’ve made good friends, some who I hope I will keep as friends for the rest of my life, and I’ve already made plans to go to Reno in June and Disneyworld in November to hang out and have fun with them. As nerve wracking as being an adult is sometimes, the freedom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Sixthly, I’ve been taking a creative writing workshop in SF! It finished last weekend and I’m happy to not need to commute each week anymore, but I learned a lot about reading like a writer and choices you can make as a writer to achieve desired effects. The workshop focuses on narrators and how who is telling the story tells it, and the model they use for exercises is SO HELPFUL. We would read an excerpt of something, discuss how the narrator/choices/tense/mood all work together, and then we would write something in a similar format about whatever we wanted. Lemme tell yall, that is so much more helpful to me as a student than just prompts. Having a guide to format is like drawing from references, its helpful and and great for learning and gives you the tools to make your own things later on. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to get back to my book.

Got a lot of art to make first, though. I’ve definitely improved a lot in artistic skill and confidence, and I’m loving finding niche styles that I like and mimicking them. The stained glass pic I posted yesterday is proof of that, I feel. Its drawn from Mucha and various real life stained glass windows and a bit from Kingdom Hearts, but I took these and the tools at my disposal and wove it into something that feels complete. I figured out how to apply a cloudy “glass” texture, glows, stabilization, symmetry tools, pattern design, and more all through the process, and I know theres so much room to iterate and grow, in shading and coloring and proportion. But even knowing I have room to grow, I’m proud of what I put out and I put a lot of my heart into that piece (yes, its a birthday gift for workout boy. Shut up). I think I’m going to accept commissions for pictures in this style, even. It’s great fun.

So yeah, the last couple of months have been intense. I’ve had ups and downs, but I’ve learned and grown a lot, and I think I’m in a really good place in my life right now, and I hope that every one of you achieves a similar level of peace.

#ramblings of a gay man #long post #life update #wrote almost 2k words about myself #vanity thy name is george

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exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog · 7 years ago

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[2/27/2015 9:48:23 AM] Evan: sup [2/27/2015 11:23:51 AM] YV??~: (So I was not ignoring this i just only ever wake up around 12 and i never change my status because i dont plan when i go to sleep. just felt like i needed to explain i was not ignoring this) [2/27/2015 3:28:38 PM] Evan: I kinda figured. heh [2/27/2015 3:29:23 PM] YV??~: so you wanted something? [2/27/2015 3:30:49 PM] Evan: Haha not particularly. It's going to sound pretty random, but I actually wanted to ask you a question. [2/27/2015 3:31:01 PM] YV??~: Ok [2/27/2015 3:32:21 PM] Evan: Cause I'm curious, and I can't remember if I ever asked. [2/27/2015 3:32:30 PM] Evan: Heh. Sorry if this is too personal, but [2/27/2015 3:32:45 PM] Evan: Why do you consider yourself a terrible person? [2/27/2015 3:42:39 PM] YV??~: Oh. Well you are in luck because i accidentally did a lot of terribly depression introspection earlier this week and have just the answer for that. From what i can put together from my somewhat incoprehansible whining. I've gotten through a lot of my life manipulating people through lying and gaining their pity all for my own gain...and probably will continue to. I tend to not do ANYTHING in every situation that would be optimal for working. I am able to somehow make people angry just by expressing emotion. and even when i find things i could fix i never try to change anything. [2/27/2015 3:42:54 PM] YV??~: just a short list of some of the things [2/27/2015 3:43:57 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 3:44:13 PM] Evan: It sounds to me like you're a human. [2/27/2015 3:46:21 PM] YV??~: Ehhh. I mean im not gonna tell people what they can think but i dont have to share anyone opinion [2/27/2015 3:47:23 PM] Evan: Haha, fair enough. I'll spare you the optimistic bullshit. [2/27/2015 3:47:28 PM] Evan: Why don't you change anything? [2/27/2015 3:48:51 PM] YV??~: That takes time. and effort im too lazy to put out. Ive tried to fix some things but i forget like a week later and stop trying [2/27/2015 3:49:40 PM] Evan: Do you not actually want to? [2/27/2015 3:52:05 PM] YV??~: Honestly, hell if I care anymore. I'm trash and thats that, Im not really worth the time or effort. [2/27/2015 3:52:29 PM] Evan: Not even your own? [2/27/2015 3:54:23 PM] YV??~: Im not really worth pretty much anything for anyone. Even thinking deeper about myself makes me feel like that was just a waste of time. [2/27/2015 3:54:49 PM] Evan: What do you do, then? [2/27/2015 3:55:50 PM] YV??~: Weh, theres a reason I have so many OCs and roughly 12 titles to my name with 6 running congruently at various stages of development. [2/27/2015 3:56:27 PM] Evan: Why do you make art and tell stories? [2/27/2015 4:01:07 PM] YV??~: I dont really have any other people around, and I dont really move from one spot like 22+ hours of the day so I gotta have somewhere to go, and someone to be. Even before I ended up like i am now barely leaving the house, I didnt have more than like 1 friend ever so those were my friends. I ended up picking up drawing from my sister seeing her do it because i thought itd be a good way to be able to really see these characters [2/27/2015 4:03:03 PM] Evan: Why do you animate them? [2/27/2015 4:06:56 PM] YV??~: Ive always been able to make up stories but when i create them i dont think of it as words, as a story would be if i wrote it down, I actually see the story's progression moving. When I create a story and characters I see them move and create the story themselves with small things i put in, and I hear them actually say what they have to say. out of all mediums of visual story-telling, animation is the closest to the original "being" of the story. [2/27/2015 4:07:38 PM] Evan: Why do you share them? [2/27/2015 4:10:20 PM] YV??~: I do that with pretty much any work i finish. Like "here i made this, heres proof it exists." Basically so i have something to show for myself, that i do have the ability to make things. [2/27/2015 4:12:29 PM] Evan: Does it make you proud? [2/27/2015 4:15:32 PM] YV??~: euuhhh...Proud? No. Satisfied with actually being able to have a finished product of some kind, even if its less than the original plan, is a little more like it. Even if I hate it later because there are things that could have been done better if given the time, its still better than nothing. And even then usually the ones i hate the most give other people the most enjoyment. [2/27/2015 4:17:22 PM] Evan: Do you make things that you hate? [2/27/2015 4:20:59 PM] YV??~: Oh yeah. Serious things that just went wrong early on and i was unable to fix, and joke things that ive put too much effort into that got too big compared to real work. I usually dont hate projects though. Even when I feel like theyre going no where and i retire the idea completely i dont usually hate those. Mostly art and animations, actual stories are different. [2/27/2015 4:28:05 PM] Evan: Does art make you happy? [2/27/2015 4:32:56 PM] YV??~: Not usually while im in the process of making it, im mostly just mind set on what it SHOULD look like. But stepping back to look at everything come together and finally become something finished usually is satisfying at the least. Some i never look at after that final moment of its creation, but some im really happy with the way it came out and end up looking at it over and over. So I suppose once the peice is made it does, in a way. [2/27/2015 4:34:34 PM] Evan: Are you proud when your art makes others happy? [2/27/2015 4:36:44 PM] YV??~: Well, i mean, i guess its nice when other people can find enjoyment out of something ive done. [2/27/2015 4:37:13 PM] Evan: Do you like making people happy? [2/27/2015 4:39:21 PM] YV??~: depends, usually i try not to sacrifice too much for other people, but sometimes i can be generous with somethings. really it depends on how I feel pretty much. [2/27/2015 4:41:55 PM] Evan: What makes you happy? [2/27/2015 4:47:07 PM] YV??~: I dont know, I tend to spend most of the day in a neutral 'emotionless' state, and most of the time any emotions I do have are very miniscule that I dont usually remember them. Though I enjoy being in the presence of other people, even without participating, people tend to ignore me 90% of the time. Thats a question that im not sure has a real answer [2/27/2015 4:50:26 PM] Evan: Do you have a dream? [2/27/2015 4:53:07 PM] YV??~: I try not to make solid plans more than 3 years in advance, so im not really sure. There's not a whole lot, at this point, that I could really accomplish by 2018, who can even say I'll still be alive by then. [2/27/2015 4:54:04 PM] Evan: But is there something you would want to do? [2/27/2015 4:58:05 PM] YV??~: Usually I just put goals on my characters, and I just exist to help them get there. I dont really see it so much as my life and things I want to do. Really the only thing id regret in dying is not that im stuck nowhere and im not going anywhere, but my characters not fufilling their roles and reaching THEIR closure. [2/27/2015 4:59:23 PM] Evan: Is there anything else that you do? [2/27/2015 5:02:50 PM] YV??~: All of my hobbies relate with art and story-telling in someway. Voice acting, singing, creating costumes and clothing. pretty much all of it is art and in some way has a story behind it. [2/27/2015 5:06:28 PM] Evan: What do you want to be better at? [2/27/2015 5:09:51 PM] YV??~: wehh..I dont know, theres a lot of things i could be better at and somethings i should be, but...im not really sure. [2/27/2015 5:22:15 PM] Evan: What do you think you're best at? [2/27/2015 5:28:41 PM] YV??~: Ive practiced various methods of drawing for years but, even though i just picked up sewing as a craft 3 years ago im better at that than i was with drawing early on. Everything else has taken since around middle school to get to a good level where i can still do it comparatively quickly, where sewing only took a year to get to that point. Overall for me it went from a beginner level to at least moderately experienced much faster than everything else. [2/27/2015 5:38:07 PM] Evan: What's your favorite thing to do? [2/27/2015 5:41:19 PM] YV??~: I dont know. Usually if im bored, and not too fed up with holding a pencil, i end up idly drawing....Its really like the only thing I do. [2/27/2015 5:50:40 PM] Evan: What inspires you? [2/27/2015 5:53:13 PM] YV??~: Usually things just pop into mind on their own. Sometimes they happen while im listening to, or watching something. [2/27/2015 5:53:40 PM] Evan: What sorts of things do you watch and listen to? [2/27/2015 5:57:06 PM] YV??~: Usually I put on miscellaneous gameplay footage or lets plays, and i pretty much switch between that and music. [2/27/2015 5:57:49 PM] Evan: What kind of music? [2/27/2015 6:00:23 PM] YV??~: It usually depends what i feel like. somedays its lighter faster stuff, somedays its heavier stuff. Somedays a combination of both, sometimes i just let my music shuffle and play in whatever order. [2/27/2015 6:02:12 PM] Evan: Is music important to you? [2/27/2015 6:05:52 PM] YV??~: I guess....I mean some ideas wouldnt have happened without certain songs, and some projects probably wouldnt exist. [2/27/2015 6:07:53 PM] Evan: What's your favorite project? [2/27/2015 6:10:21 PM] YV??~: Honestly, there isnt a lot of public information on Mahito but ive been working with it for 2 years, and it was actually the first thing I envisioned myself actually animating. [2/27/2015 6:11:00 PM] Evan: What's Mahito? [2/27/2015 6:22:17 PM] YV??~: Its something I came up with one day, I guess the best way to describe its themes in short would be Madoka-esque even though i came up with the basics including designs before i even watched it. I guess one could say its very "magical girl" though it is not a straight female cast. It follows a team of 6 highschool students, their leader being a socially withdrawn, sucidal girl whos only real support are her brother and his best friend. These 6 people are given powers and forced into a battle thats been going on for centuries, for supremacy within a group of supernatural beings known to the humans involved as "gods." Many of these gods have no regard for the people they force to fight so long as they are able to take surpremacy in someway, since they are unable to kill each other or be killed. The team has to fight both other human fighters and "monsters", that are the remains of humans who tried to rebel against their "god", which live beyond a barrier and can threaten to destroy inncent human life. At first they look at it as their chance to help people, but eventually their powers become a burden. [2/27/2015 6:24:26 PM] Evan: That sounds really interesting. How much have you done with it? [2/27/2015 6:29:45 PM] YV??~: So far I have designs and short biographies for the main cast. As well as designs for a few of the mosters they will face, and bios for a few minor characters that still have some influence on a part of the plot. A lot of what i have written besides characters is mostly world building, information on the roles and powers each member of a 6 man team can have. Descriptions of the basic behaviors of monsters on different intelligence levels. I plan to have all the designs done at the end of this year, and the timeline for the plot fully written in detail at the end of 2016. [2/27/2015 6:33:31 PM] Evan: Cool. O: I assume it's also going to be an animation? When do you think you'll start making it? [2/27/2015 6:38:45 PM] YV??~: Ive been saying since around last year or so itll come out in 2018. It was the first thing I considered animating seriously, things before that where like that would be cool, or this scene could be animated. But this, i decided, this was going to be fully animated, i tried to start it out in a static format just to get things laid out to be adapted into an animation, but it never worked. While 2018 may be a little too ambitious, this is going to be nothing but animated [2/27/2015 6:44:46 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 6:46:57 PM] YV??~: yeh

#said evan to vriska

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