#im kinda happy i am in the position to talk to and help younger people through it but damn

[illfoandillfie]

Blurb idea alert: 80s roger and younger reader haven’t really established what their relationship is other than daddy dom/sub but then daddy roger is about to become an actual daddy and he’s just absolutely loving on his baby mama with some smut of course

idk if im soft or horny but i am definitely feeling some kinda way rn

warnings: pregnancy, smut, daddy kink, leaning into DD/LG, hair pulling, dom!rog, mentions of edging and spanking

Blurb Advent: Day 21

It wasn’t like you’d planned to get pregnant. Not that Roger wasn’t father material, he was and he had experience with it all already from his previous marriage, but you weren’t really at that stage in your relationship and honestly you hadn’t really thought about taking those steps with him. Roger was great but when you’d first got together it wasn’t with the intention of a long term relationship. You wouldn’t have ever met him if you hadn’t had a mutual friend who happened to have insider knowledge on both of your sexual persuasions and had, with your permission, passed your number on to him. He’d called you and you’d gone out for a drink (feeling as if you were auditioning for something you hadn’t prepared for) and got to know each other. Once he was sure you would be discreet you talked more openly about what you were into and what you were looking for. For you, it was the comfort of being looking after and the structure that a reward/punishment system could enforce, for him, it was the element of control that being dominant afforded plus the act of looking after and caring for someone. And after a few days and a few conversations, you were invited into his bed to see how compatible you were.

 It went well. Mostly he just tested your limits, tried a little of everything on you to see how you’d react. A light spanking, a little bit of edging, giving you instructions to see how fast you’d follow them and if anything would make you consider using a safeword. Luckily, he was easy to submit to and handled your slightly bratty disposition well so that you felt comfortable with him as your Daddy, and soon enough it became a regular thing. You’d leave your last class at uni or finish up a shift at work and then head to his place where you’d take the role of his submissive little before going home proud and happy and sometimes sore. Most days you spent at his involved sex in some form or other but sometimes he’d use his Daddy voice to make you sit and finish a reading or revise for an exam. On those days he made you lunch or afternoon tea and would sit beside you on the couch, helping where he could, and incentivising you with rewards for finished work. Of course, there was also the threat of punishments if you got too distracted, but that was the kind of thing you’d been looking for when you’d met him. Sometimes he’d invite you to spend the weekend with him, or a whole week even, especially if you were going to try something new together and he wanted to make sure you were okay hours or days later. Gradually those visits became more frequent until you were no longer leaving as soon as the aftercare was over, until you were essentially living at his house. That was when things started to shift though neither of you acknowledged it. You were happy just to see what happened.

 And that was when you fell pregnant. Your period had been late which wasn’t wholly unusual but the later it was the more you anxious you became. Roger picked up on it within a couple of days, sensing your worry and distraction. He was gentle and soft and convinced you to tell him what was going on though part of you fretted it would put an end to everything. As soon as you said it, he pulled you onto his lap, his hand stroking through your hair.

“No wonder you’ve been distracted lately. That must have been worrying you a lot, huh darling?”

You nodded, leaning your head against his chest as he soothed you.

“It’s okay though. I can go and buy you a test and we can see what it says and then we can do whatever you want okay? If you don’t want to go through with it, I’ll help you. And if you do want it, I’ll help with that too.”

“Even though you already have a family and this would be a bit of a scandal?”

“Even then,” he said with a soft laugh, “Y’know, me already having kids means I’ve done it before. I can do all of the scary stuff with you, the doctors appointments and all of that.”

“But people will know about us then.” “Yeah,”

“And you always said you wanted this to be discreet. A baby isn’t exactly discreet.”

“I don’t mind people knowing we’re together. I just don’t think they need to know about how we work. And all of the important people to us know we’ve been seeing each other anyway, everyone else can think what they want.”

You pushed yourself up to look at him properly, “So you really wouldn’t mind if I was pregnant and wanted to have the baby?”

“Nope. I think I might even be kind of excited about it.”

 Roger had kept his promises. He held your hand through all of your ultrasounds and appointments and looked after you at home, rubbing your feet if you needed, holding your hair back when morning sickness made you queasy, and just generally making sure you were comfortable, especially as your bump grew more pronounced. His ability to keep your bratty side in check came in handy when you were faced with prenatal vitamins and other supplements to make sure you and the baby were as healthy as possible. You hated having to take pills with your morning tea but his system of rewards and punishments was motivation enough to swallow all of them, especially since your rising hormone levels were making your libido run on overdrive.  Roger was more than willing to lend a hand (or other appendage) whenever the mood took you and it only intensified the dynamics that already existed. You quickly discovered that Roger’s preference for being called Daddy was exacerbated by actual fatherhood and used it to your advantage whenever you could. You took to teasing him by using his pet name outside of the bedroom as much as in it. Asking if Daddy would like a cup of tea while you were making yourself one, talking to your stomach and telling your little bean that Daddy was so sweet to buy you ice cream or that Daddy was being mean and making you take your nasty vitamins. And every time it would end up with you being pulled into the bedroom or lifted onto whatever surface was nearest. It was like a superpower and you made as much use of it as possible. A related upside of being pregnant was not having to worry about birth control (not that taking it had helped) and you soon discovered that Roger being able to take you raw was just as much as a turn on for you both as calling him Daddy was. The first time you’d realised was a little way into your second trimester after you’d taunted him into bending you over the banister of the staircase, your hands tightly gripping the handrail as he pulled your head back by your hair with one hand, his other resting over your rounded belly, and growled about how he was going to fill you, how he’d already knocked you up once and he was going to do it again. After that it became a regular part of his dirty talk. He especially liked edging you until you begged him to fuck another baby into you. All in all, a day seemed incomplete if you hadn’t been left with at least one load of cum inside you.

 When you got so big you couldn’t hide it anymore, he organised for you to move into his place properly which you were happy about because it was big and comfortable and homey, and it meant it was easier to see him when you needed a cuddle (or an orgasm). At first he offered you one of his many guest rooms so you could have your own space but you’d suggested you could share his room instead and he’d beamed at you before pulling you into a kiss. His affections only rose as your stomach got larger and he seemed to want nothing more than to dote on you as much as possible. Sex became a little more difficult in your third trimester. Between your belly getting in the way and aches and pains that came with carrying it, your sexual activity began to drop though you still found yourself hornier than before you fell pregnant. Roger did whatever he could to alleviate your discomfort and oral sex became your main method of getting each other off since it was easy for you to lie down during it and generally required minimal movement. But, Roger’s favourite position was spooning in bed and more than once you fell asleep warming him and began your day with the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls until he came. It became a sort of a running joke that he was trying to induce labour early with how often he wanted to have you like that. He liked being able to kiss your neck and whisper into your ear, telling you how gorgeous you looked and how pregnancy suited you. His hand would roam over your breasts as he worked you up, teasing your sensitive nipples with his fingers to push you closer to the edge. And after you came he’d slide his hand down over your stomach as he told you how much he was going to love the kid and how happy you’d all be.

[violentviolette]

please tell me what aspd is like for you since you're diagnosed? ive had a life time of antisocial (illegal/violent/aggressive) behaviour, im incapable of feeling love and i really lack affective empathy. im becoming 18 in a few months and it's not getting better so atm i think my personality is legitimately disordered but i don't know anyone who has it irl to ask questions

so there's a really good breakdown i saw recently of the core disordered thought processes and internal logic that guide aspd that I thought really hit the nail on the head so I'd absolutely suggest giving it a read here

as for my own personal experience, for me the biggest factors were my aggressive and violent behavior, my pervasive and obsessive need for control over both myself and others, and my lack of remorse and inability to conceptualize the feelings of others.

ive talked a lot about my anger issues in the past so if u want more info on that just go thru my aspd tag here

but my aspd now vs my aspd when I was in my early 20s is very different. ive done a lot of work in trauma recovery and it has drastically improved my ability to cognitively empathize with others, love and form bonds. it is a myth that antisocial ppl cannot experience genuine love and care for others, we just have a much harder time with it.

im much more social now and ive learned to become much better about not only recognizing the emotions of others, but caring about them as well. tho i still don't like the company of many people and am easily irritated and put off by others so i do spend the majority of my time either alone or in the company of 2 or 3 select ppl. I can also still be very callous and I tend to speak "out of turn" a lot. I dont really notice when something ive said could be considered upsetting or insulting usually until after ive said it. peoplw often describe me as harsh and say that im very blunt and straightforward. i dont give much thought to making my words soft or kind and whether or not I care about hurting others feelings depends completely on if the person in question is someone I like or not. I genuinely do not feel any negative emotions from hurting the feelings of people I dont deem worth my care or who I dont like and enjoy even to this day. so while my ability to care for others has definitely increased, its still well below nuerotypical thresholds.

this was much worse when I was younger and it was almost impossible for me to form genuine close attachments with others. i was paranoid and distrustful of people by default, I didn't care about peoples feelings and was extreamly self focused and defensive. if I didn't personally find it upsetting or if it didn't go against the morals I had set for myself, I just did not care. I still don't care about most things or people and when I dont care it feels like genuine torture to have to pretend to do so or to perform an emotion im not having for the sake of appearing normal

I also viewed all social interaction as inherently manipulative. people were not their own unique individuals, they were pawns for me to use for my own personal gain and interacting with them was a chess match to "win" what i wanted from them. I never considered their feelings wants or motivations and cared only about myself and my wants.

anhedonia has also been a big persistent symptom for me. its been very difficult for me to cultivate happiness and find things that both keep my attention and make me feel positive emotions. when I was younger this was also much more difficult and I would partake in increasingly risky behaviors in order to feel emotions because I could only experience them if they were at extremes. this led to things like breaking the law, self harming, doing lots and lots of drugs ect. anything I could do to dump as much adrenaline into my brain as possible in order to feel anything other than a pervasive numbness.

I still struggle with this but again to a much lesser degree. I still absolutely do drugs and struggle to find meaning and purpose with my life and am just kinda floating thru it, but most of my days are positive and im able to find hobbies that make me happy a lot easier

those are most of the big things for me, tho there is a lot more. but honestly working on trauma recovery helped SO much with most of my symptoms. unpacking the disordered ways I was taught to live and the abusive mindsets I was raised under help me understand the world around me better and view it through a more positive lense. also being surrounded by people who did genuinely care for me and whose company I found enjoyable. its very hard to care for people who clearly don't care for u.

I hope that was at least a little helpful but feel free to ask anything else if u have more specific questions!

[ellana-ravenwood]

“What it means to be a big brother” - by Damian Wayne (Batfam x Fem!Reader)

I wanted to write a story with Damian as an older brother, and how he came to learn what it meant to…well, basically the title haha. And since quite a few of you lately asked for more Thomas, here we are. I hope you will like it :

My master list : @ella-ravenwood-archives . Links to stories where Thomas appears (for those who do not know who he is) in the author’s notes at the end of the story.

__________________________________________________

Right there, with his new little brother in his arms, standing in front of his family...Damian didn't dare to move an inch.

There wasn't a muscle in his body that wasn't tense.

In this exact position, things were going well, so he wasn't about to move. Staying like this forever sounded more and more like a good plan.

Because if he did move…There was a chance he’d drop him.

"You don't have to be so stiff you know ?"

Tim said, amused.

He was the one that was holding the baby just a few minutes ago, and was clearly not as stressed as Damian about it. He was also the one that laid little Thomas in his brother’s arms, and therefor was the cause of the “full body lockdown” Damian was going through.

Slowly, Damian turned his head towards Tim (he couldn't move too fast, because there was a risk he'd drop the baby !) and said through gritted teeth :

"Yes I do. If I don't, I might drop him !"

The word “drop” was resonating in Damian’s head, and it was the only thing he could think about.

Drop. Drop. Drop drop drop drop.

It was starting to lose it’s meaning, and only the fact that it would be terrible if he “dropped” something stayed in the boy’s head.

But then the baby moved, and Damian looked down instinctively.

His eyes fell upon his new little brother’s face and...He felt his heart drop.

What was this feeling ? Why, all of a sudden, did he feel overwhelmed and full of...something ? An emotion he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

It kinda made him want to cry.

His eyes glued to the little body in his arms, trying to understand this intense surge of emotions, he finally raised his head after a few seconds and said, a hint of disbelief in his voice :

“I’m-I’m a big brother.”

And boom. There it was.  

Up until now, you had managed to keep your cool, looking at your sons and daughter holding Thomas in turn, and beaming at him happily.

But here, that bewildered look on Damian’s face, and that smile he probably didn’t even notice he had on, was a little too much for your heart.

Damian was the one you were most worried about, when it came to meet baby Thomas. You weren’t sure how he’d react.

All along your pregnancy he was doing fine, and seemed excited about the prospect to have a new brother. But at times, when nobody was looking at him, you noticed the worried look in his eyes, and it frustrated you to no end to not be able to know for sure what your son was thinking.

You’ve always been good at deciphering the Waynes’ emotions, sometimes even better than them themselves. But in that case...You couldn’t quite put your finger on what kind of worries were assaulting your boy.

Was he afraid you’d love his little brother more ? Or that he wouldn’t be the “baby” anymore ? Maybe afraid not to be a good enough role model ? Or to simply to not find a way to bond with him ?

So many questions, and no answers. 

Maybe it was a mix of all of that. But you just couldn’t decide. And it was an immense source of stress for you.

But here, right now, as you witnessed Damian smiling widely and whispering “Im a big brother”, your own worries suddenly vanished.

You turned to your husband who was right next to you, and put your head against his chest, muffling a "awwwww" sound that you feared might put Damian on the defensive. Instinctively, Bruce wrapped his arms around you (this called for some “I know, I know they’re cute” support).

God forbid anyone would catch your little buddy being so sweet. Haha. He hated when you called him that.

Sweet.

But he truly was ? He just didn't know it yet.

You were sure no one ever told him he was "sweet".

But he had all this little attentions for you, his father or siblings. 

He might think of it as nothing, but you all noticed. You noticed all the drawings he’d left in strategic points for all of you. Or how meticulous he was in preparing pop corn or hot chocolate for movie nights. Little things, that when added, became grand. 

You noticed everything. All of you.

Most importantly, you noticed the big changes in him.

Damian was 12 now.

He came into your life two years ago and, after quite a while of him refusing this little family his father made for himself, and making life difficult for everyone…He came around. He understood.

And you never blamed him for being difficult at first, on the contrary. You were the most understanding of them all, scolding your kids or Bruce himself, when they were too unforgiving or frustrated too fast !

It was a team work, to make Damian feel like he was finally home. 

Feel like he was amongst his family. 

Like Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass were his siblings, and although you weren’t his biological mother, you saw him as your own son too.

It was a learning experience for everyone. 

Bruce did a great job at being patient, and teaching him about his own values and such. Forgiving him when he took the wrong decision, all the while still being strict. It was a balance of understanding, softness, forgiveness, and yet still putting important boundaries. Damian never really experienced any of this... 

Your kids had some practice at being older brothers, and only Tim needed an acclimating moments...But he was a fast learner. After the first initial bad meeting, they became close. Although of course, they still bickered from times to times. After all, they were little/big brothers. Everything couldn’t always be perfect. Life wasn’t like that. 

As you looked at Damian and Thomas, you wondered...Would Damian, just like his siblings, find his own way to become a big brother ? How would he proceed ? He had, after all, a lot of role model for this. But would he decide to take the same approach ?  

The future was more unknown than ever, but as you looked at your family surrounding you, and this new beaming little life that entered yours, you had quite the high hopes. 

************

"July 15th 20?? (I’m not putting an exact year cause ya know, it wouldn’t stay accurate). Thomas : three days old.

          I am starting this logbook to understand. I got the idea from Grayson, whom I think got the idea from mom ? I always see him write in that journal of his. I think when he was younger, after he lost his parents and just started to live with father and mom, she suggested to him to write his feelings down. And so he started journaling. He has a bunch of filled notebooks in his room. I saw them a few times, but I never looked. Mom says it’s his thoughts, I would never intrude (okay maybe I “intruded” once. Or twice.). 

         That’s not the point of this anyway. According to both him and mom, writing down their feelings help a lot. So I asked Grayson if he could give me a blank notebooks, since he always has some in advance. He gave me a stupid bright pink one that sparkles and light up in the dark...But oh whatever, at least like that, nobody will know it’s mine, and will open it.

         Now, what is the point of this exactly. Laying it out is suppose to help so, here goes nothing : in this logbook, I am planing to “write down my feelings” so I can understand. I’ve never felt that way before. Love is very new to me, people actually caring about me is very new, having a sort of freedom is new, being happy is new. I’ve come a long way in two years, and I still find it difficult to put words on all the things I feel. Hence, this book. 

          More precisely though, I will record in this “logbook” (not to confuse with a journal or something), my journey as a new big brother. I think it will help me, to write things down. The idea doesn’t sound as stupid as when I first heard it two years ago. On the contrary, I already feel like my brain is getting more organized about my feelings, just by writing this down. Like now, I understand that what I felt as I held Thomas for the first time was love. And a need to protect him. But it was so instant, as soon as I truly saw him, that it made me wonder...Why ? And How ? Is this what it is to be a big brother ? A sudden instinct coming out of nowhere ?

          I will implement my studies of becoming the best big brother (notes for self : competition = hard, have to work very hard), and understanding what it actually means to be one, as it’s a first for me. 

          My life now is full of “firsts”. But in this logbook, I will mostly talk about being a big brother to Thomas, because that’s the newest and most intriguing thing yet. After two years, I think I know what love is, and what it isn’t. It isn’t praising me for being the best, but encouraging me to always do my best. It isn’t training me and being proud of me when I’m perfect, but accepting my flaws unconditionally. Yes. I think I got love down. It’s in little gestures, like when father goes to the other side of town to get my favorite take away. It is in small (and sometimes big) affectionate things like calling me pet names, ruffling my hair, or making sure I am alright. Love englobes a lot of things (my feelings for Thomas being in it). It took me a while to understand it, and I think if I had a logbook to write my findings down, it would’ve been easier. 

          So here I am. Starting a new journey of discovery. But with the knowledge I already have. How my brothers and sister are with me. How my parents are with me. How my friends, are with me. What love truly is. I’m not starting this new canvas blank, but with already a large array of color. What I need now, is to make this painting my own.

*There is here a drawing of himself standing at the front of a large pirate boat, ready to start this “new journey of discovery”, with the annotation “I think Grayson would enjoy this analogy of being captain of my own boat, as in of my own destiny. He always enjoyed pirates”*

         A plan : 1. Get books on babies.                        2. Hanging out with Thomas.                       3. Observing how the others are interacting with him.                       4. There is no 4 yet. But there will be as I come along, I suppose.”

************

It all happened so fast. 

Bruce and the kids were about to go on patrol, when you started to scream at him that it was time. In a panic, you rushed to the hospital, leaving behind your children who anxiously waited for some news. 

Hours went by, and no news were given. 

Everyone slowly started to freak out, but Damian was the one who was touched the most. 

When Jason dared to tell him : “Hey buddy, no news mean good news, right ?” in an attempt to comfort him, Damian went on a rant about how this expression was idiotic and made no sense. 

No news meant a lot of things ! Like, maybe their father RECKLESS driving got them into an accident, or maybe there was complications with the babies, or they ran in any kind of troubles that prevented them to give news ! 

No news meant “no news” ! And was in no way, in Damian’s eyes, a positive thing ! 

It’s as Damian was going on and on about what could’ve gone wrong that could explain the lack of news, and starting to freak everyone out, that the phone finally rang. 

“Ah, see ? No news did mean good news.” 

Jason said ruffling his little brother’s hair. Although his apparent confidence was only a facade, because Damian’s list of “what could’ve gone wrong” really got to him too (he’d never admit it but Jason was quite the worry wart). 

But everything was fine now. He could joke, and tease his brother again. Because...

It was official, there was a new member in the family. 

Thomas Clark Wayne was born, on a sunny July day. 

************

Damian didn’t know how to feel. Or rather, didn’t know what he felt.

He knew that day was going to happen, he saw his mother’s belly grow. He touched it, and couldn’t help but share his parents happiness...but it all seemed so surreal at the time ?

Like the baby would come in a very long time ?

He wasn’t an idiot. Plus, he was already 12 now. He most definitely knew where babies came from (ew) and how they came to life (double ew). 

But even with this knowledge, he just hadn’t been able to visualize having a baby brother ? 

So when he found himself in the hospital corridors, following after his older siblings, running a little to keep up with their hurried pace, he wasn’t really sure what to feel.

What would he find in that room ?

Probably his mom and father, smiling at him, and holding a baby in their arms...

It was weird. Because Damian had always been the “baby” of the family. Was this spot now his brother’s ? How did that make him feel ?  What was his place now, then ?

He didn’t know. He didn’t know !

Did he still have a place ? How was he suppose to know what it was ? 

So many thoughts were rushing through his head, he didn’t have time to process any of them that they already were in the room. 

The first thing Damian saw wasn’t the newborn, as his brothers gathered quickly around his mom and father while he stayed a bit behind with Cass (who rolled her eyes a lot, whispering : “boys” every two seconds). 

No. The first thing Damian saw was his father. His smiling father. 

Given the looks his older brothers gave in his direction, Damian gathered that Thomas was in their fathers’ arms. And Bruce was smiling so widely. 

It was pretty rare, to see him smile. It only happened when he was with his family. You made him smile a lot, even more so when you both thought nobody was looking at you. 

Damian thought that it was the first time he saw this specific smile of his father. 

Thomas’ existence had created a new awe induced smile... 

Bruce was looking down at his tiny son in his arms, and was just smiling widely and...sort of like a child ? 

Like even when he smiled to his wife, or to his kids. Those actual genuine smile he gave them, not the fake "Brucie Wayne" persona ones. They were always very him ? They always had his past in it. When he smiled at them, they could see they meant a lot, because he was able to smile even through all his pain. And they were the one that brought his happiness forth. 

Bruce’s smiles to his family were grateful, full of pure joy, and recognition. With a hint of sadness, however. Of traumas he could never forget. 

But here, as he held Thomas, it was like he forgot everything, and was carefree for the first time since he was eight. 

Of course, it only appeared like that to Damian because he wasn’t quite sure yet about how he should feel. Happy, or jealous ? He never noticed the many times his father gave him that exact pure child like happiness and awe too. 

Bruce wasn’t always the best at showing his feelings, a lot of time, he would smile softly, full of love, in the way he was right now, only when he was sure no one was looking. 

He most definitely smiled that way to all his children, they just never had the chance to witness it due to Bruce’s own self-consciousness, and not being sure  how to handle his own feelings at times.

In that way, Damian and his father were very much alike. You often said so. They sometimes had great trouble expressing themselves. 

Which could cause great misunderstanding, like right now. 

As Damian witnessed his father smile this way for the first time ever, and wondered...

Wondered if..If Talia gave him to Bruce as a baby, would he have smiled the same way ? 

…Probably not.

It made Damian feel all sort of things, to realize that. 

Strangely, the emotions he felt weren’t negative. On the contrary, he was glad that his little brother was lucky enough to be born into this family he thought amazing, and would grow up immediately loved and never alone. 

Sure, Damian wished it would’ve been the case for him too. But you told him once that the past was the past, and it did no good to dwell on it (he was pretty sure you misquoted Dumbledore from Harry Potter but never said anything), and it really stuck with him. 

He would never be a baby anymore, hurting himself and his feelings thinking about what could’ve been was useless. It would only bring him misery. While thinking...Thinking about his new brother having this chance...Well, it made him very happy. 

He was glad, times were changing. 

“Do you want to hold him ?” 

You asked him, taking him out of his reveries about how he realized he only had positive feelings about this new life coming into his. 

Good feelings yet, but not enough to dare hold him. Panicked, he took a few steps back and said : 

“No ! No no, I’m good !” 

You tried to hide your disappointment, and instead gave the boy to your oldest son, Dick. You kinda wished Damian would’ve accepted to take Thomas into his arms. After all, his reaction was the one that worried you the most... 

************

It’s only as he witnessed all his sibling holding their new brother, and beaming brightly at him, that he felt like he wanted to do that too. 

He felt like he was missing out, because they all seemed to thoroughly enjoy holding Thomas ! And he felt like he was building unnecessary boundaries between him and his new baby brother. 

What if Thomas thought he didn’t want to be his brother ? 

Of course, right now, being only a few hours old, Thomas couldn’t think about that yet. But Damian read somewhere that infants could feel this sort of things. And so he turned to Tim, who was the one holding the baby boy at the moment, and said : 

“Can I-...Can I ?” 

Of course, Tim understood, and did not hesitate to put his little brother in his other little brother’s arms. He explained quickly to Damian how to hold him, making sure Thomas’ head was all good, and let go (later, he’d admit that he watched YouTube video to know the proper way to hold a baby). 

And the rest was history. 

“I’m-I’m a big brother.” 

************

“Friday, October 16th 20??,  Thomas : 4 months old. 

       I found books about babies. Many of them. 36 to be exact. They were in the library, I suspect father bought them to read up on how to take care of a baby. After all, he never had one, since we all arrived around 8/10. 

       I put in practice what I got from them, and was very successful doing so. Thanks to them, I was able to refine my studies on what it truly means to be a big brother. 

(...)” 

“Damian ?” 

Bruce was looking for you, and guessed you were in your office, which, just like the bedroom you shared with him, was right next to the nursery. Of course. 

He knew you must’ve been there at this time of the day because it was your “writing time”, but also Thomas’ “nap time”. In your office, you could make sure to be there for him quickly. 

Bruce had just come home and as usual, looked for you immediately. He had a tough day at Wayne Enterprise, and you always were his respite. 

But as he walked in front of Thomas’ room (where he was planning on going after seeing you), he was stopped in his track by the door being open, and quite an odd vision. 

Damian was standing next to his brother’s crib, an arm reaching out in it. As Bruce, intrigued, approached them, he noticed that one of Thomas’ tiny hand was wrapped around one of Damian’s finger. 

Before he could ask what was happening, his boy whispered, as to not wake his little brother up : 

“I read somewhere that babies need physical contact so their brain can develop well. A baby that nobody ever touches just doesn’t speak much, and isn’t as advanced as one who received affection. So I’m holding his hand.” 

Bruce’s brain went blank, as he looked at the extremely cute scene of his youngest son sleeping peacefully, holding his older brother’s hand. It was too much for his heart, trying to not sound choked up, he asked : 

“How long have you been here ?” 

Damian looked up, thinking, before he answered : 

“A couple of hours ?” 

“A couple of-That long ?!” 

“Ssssshhh. Father !” 

Damian whispered scolding his dad for his loudness. He gave a worried look to Thomas, afraid he woke up, and then turned to his father again saying : 

“I heard him cry, and recognized it as being his lonely cry. So I came. Mother fell asleep on her desk, I think she was just too tired to even realize he was crying. I know neither of you have been sleeping very well lately, so no one can blame her. You two work tough jobs, then do the vigilante thing, and have to take care of a baby who doesn’t sleep through the night yet. It’s understandable, to feel very sleepy. So I came.” 

Bruce felt it through his entire body. This warm, fuzzy feeling. The same one that he forgot for so many years, until you and Dick came into his life. 

“How did you hear him ?” 

“I rigged his baby phone to my phone, so it would give me alerts if he cries. Tim helped me develop a sort of app for that.” 

This specific feeling he only felt when looking at you or his children. A sort of serenity filling his entire body. Peace.

“I rocked him a little bit. He smiled at me a lot, and cooed too. And then he felt back asleep, but as soon as I put him in the crib he cried again. I figured he didn’t wanna be alone, so I stayed and held his hand, and he eventually fell back asleep. Now I’m too afraid to wake him up if I leave, so I’m here.” 

“So you’re here...” 

Pride was in Bruce’s heart now. A beaming, strong, huge pride. Pride of having such a sweet little boy. Ah. Who would’ve thought, over two years ago, that Damian Wayne would stay two hours near a baby in fear that if he left, he would wake him up ? 

Feeling inspired, Bruce bend down and kissed Damian’s forehead affectionately. This took the boy by surprised, and he literally gasped ! 

It made Bruce feel a little guilty. His sometimes odd way of loving made it so that he reserved those forehead kisses only when his kids felt bad, or when he through they were asleep (though they never were). Moments of distress; or moment he was sure they wouldn’t notice. 

Sometimes, Bruce just wasn’t too sure how to react with his children. Except on definite moments, like them needing him, or them being too cute for him to resist a forehead kiss (they were always adorable, sleeping). 

Or, in this instance, his boy doing something so sweet he felt the urge to kiss him with all the love and affection he had. 

Now though, a little embarrassed, he took a step back, and ruffled his son’s hair again, saying : 

“You’re a good brother.” 

And then he left awkwardly, going to your office so he could pick you up and go take a nap with you in your room. Yes. This surge of emotion he felt, as he saw his two youngest children together, definitely called for a nap in your arms. You always had a knack, to calm him, even unconsciously... 

Damian stayed in Thomas’ room, a huge smile plastered on his face. 

His father just said he was a good brother !

“(...) Continuation of the previous entry (October 16th).      I put in practice what I got from them, and was very successful doing so. Thanks to them, I was able to refine my studies on what it truly means to be a big brother.

      Now, after four months of studying Thomas’ behavior and such, I came to realize that he has different kind of cry. They are as proceeded :  1. High pitch continuous noise = he’s hungry.  2. When he makes a series of loud “heh” = he’s too cold, or hot, or wet. It’s his sign to express a discomfort. Usually means dirty diaper, if no dirty diaper, means something else and then you have to look for what is bothering him. Example : Yesterday, the bird outside his window chirping was annoying him and keeping him from sleeping soundly. 3. Loud screams punctuated by pauses = He’s lonely. The pauses are him listening in to see if someone is coming to get him.  4. Almost silent cries, when it’s so loud it becomes quiet = he didn’t burp properly after eating and desperately need too. A few light tap on his back will make him feel better very quickly.  5. When he whimpers, it’s usually because he has gaz. Putting him a little straighter helps him...evacuate.

        I put this directly in practice today, when I realized he was doing his “lonely cry”. I went to his rescue, and I didn’t mind staying hours with him even though he’s still a little baby and doesn’t do much. He smiled at me a lot, I think he recognized my voice. And my singing (note for self : make sure no one is around when such occurrence happen, almost got caught by father today). Then it felt like he didn’t want to let me go, so I stayed. 

      Is that what it is, to be a big brother ? Being needed ? If it is, it actually feels nice. It would certainly explain all the time Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass came to my own rescue. Wether help for my homework or to comfort me. But, I do that too, as a little brother ? I comforted them too many times. And I witnessed Jason, Tim or Cass comforting Dick and vice versa and in all ways. So, this means it’s a sibling thing, not quite a big brother thing. Need to keep studying to know what “big brother” is exactly.” 

************

"Saturday, December 9th 20??. Thomas’ first Christmas/6 month old.

     I started to build his gift. I think he will like it. I-” 

“What are you doing, Damian ?” 

You asked him, walking towards him as he busied himself at the gadget station in the Batcave. You saw him jump in the air slightly, and put away a bright pink notebook quickly. 

And then he saw you had Thomas in your arms, and when Damian saw him, he hid whatever he was doing as fast as he could. 

“Mom, you’re gonna spoil the surprise !! Get Thomas away !” 

Surprised, and without thinking about it, you went to your husband who was typing away on the computer and put the baby in his arms. 

Bruce was about to grumble that he was busy and brush the both of you away (he could be a jerk sometimes), but you didn’t gave him a chance, shoving your son in his arms. And when he looked, annoyed, at his baby and how the little one seemed the happiest of them all as he just recognized his father. Bruce’s mood lifted all of a sudden. 

He smiled softly, realized he was being an asshole and was going to apologize to you but you were already gone back to Damian. Your husband and baby son exchanged a curious look, before Thomas got very interested in his father “Bat” logo and started to try to grab it, while Bruce smiled softly again and, holding his son in one arm, continued his work. 

Balancing family and night activities had been hard for him to get and do, but he had it covered, nowadays. Well. Almost. 

Meanwhile, you were back next to Damian, and with a sigh of relief, your son uncovered his project. 

It did all kind of things to your heart... 

“Damian, is that-” 

You couldn’t finish your sentence, too touched. Your son, proudly, said : 

“It’s a mobile to go above his bed ! I think he doesn’t like the one he currently has. So I’m making him one with things he’ll like ! See mom, that’s you. Do you recognize yourself ?”

Damian seemed worried about this, and you nodded. It definitely looked like you. So. Your son wasn’t just good at drawing, but also at sculpting... 

“It’s for Christmas.” 

He said, smile wide. And as you grabbed him and crushed him against your chest, he got a little confused... 

"Saturday, December 25th 20??. Thomas’ first Christmas/6 month old.

*There’s here a drawing of Thomas beaming at his mobile above his bed that Damian build for him*

       I knew my present would be Thomas’ favorite. After all, it represents everything he likes. I put everyone from our family (Father, mom, Alfred, Dick, Tim, Cass, Jason, and of course, me), and a few of his favorite animals (I used Ace and Titus for the dogs, Tommy is very fond of them). And it makes music, which he seems to enjoy a lot. Especially when our mom, dad or anyone from the family sings to him. I recorded all of them secretly when they sang to him, and made it so he just has to push a button on the side of his crib to turn the mobile on.

       I wasn’t even worried that he wouldn’t understand how to make it work. He’s only six months old, but he’s already very smart and curious (I think the physical contact  we all gave him is a lot to “blame” for). So when I put the mobile above his bed, and pushed the button to start the voice of our mother, he moved his little arms and legs excitedly and smiled at the mobile widely ! I only had to push the button a few times more, and for our father, Dick, and Jason’s voice to be on for him to notice the button, and to push it himself. Or rather, to kick it or throw himself on it as best he could. He is still not that coordinate when it comes to movements. But he’s smart. He understood that, to have the music, he had to push the button.

         He didn’t pay attention to all his other gifts, but mine he loved. It’s because I made it with everything he likes. So of course, he loves it. Is that what it is, to be a big brother ? To know your little sibling and be the best at giving him a gift ? No. That doesn’t sound right. Tim, or Jason, already gave me absolutely useless terrible gift, and yet it still made me happy to receive them, and that they thought about me. Mmm. The researches are still on.”

************

“Thursday, March 7th 20??. Thomas : One year and a half.

      Father and mom entrusted me with babysitting Thomas today, as everyone was busy. I was very happy to be trusted with such responsibilities. I thought it would be easy, at that age, they're easily manipulated. Well...I was wrong"

************

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO.” 

Thomas was screaming, while Damian was trying to be heard : 

“Thomas, listen, you need to put your pants on or-”

“NOOOOO !! NO DAMDAM NOOOOO !!”

“No”, was one of the first word Thomas pronounced. Right after “mama” and “dada” (the jury was still out on which words he said first, and was source of endless bickering between you and your husband). 

Then he started to try and pronounce his siblings’ name, although he wasn’t quite there yet. Damian being the youngest and still at home (Dick and Jason had their own apartment by now, and Cass and Tim were starting to be very busy with college), he was able to sort of say his name first. 

“Damdam”. Close enough. 

But right now, Damdam really wasn’t having a good time. 

It started rather smoothly. Thomas was a pretty calm child, so Damian (wrongly) thought it would be all good all day.

Only, it was the first time he was taking care of his brothers for so long. A couple of hours there and there. He made sure to be with him at least once a day, for at least two hours. Most of the time, it was more. 

They really started to be very close, sometimes, Thomas would choose Damian over you or Bruce...it vexed the both of you, but you had to put yourself in the shoes of your young son. 

Damian only had the good times with him. Playtime, and bed time stories, and such. While you and Bruce had to be strict with him sometimes, and give him boundaries (like no jumping on his bed, or no pulling the dogs’ tails). 

Bruce once mentioned that Thomas most certainly inherited your petty side, given the fact he always went to Damian when you scolded him. But when you smacked him on the head, vexed, he said he was joking (although we all know he wasn’t). 

In any way, Damian, in that year and a half, only had the good times with his brother. And today, as he had to take care of him all day long, he realized that...it wasn’t always that easy. 

Proof : the morning had gone well, but now, it was over, and it was time to put some close on. Problem : Thomas didn’t seem very keen on putting pants, today. 

It started slowly, as if it was a game. 

Thomas ran around the room, laughing, repeating : “no ‘an’ !” (which probably meant “no pants”). Up until Damian tried to take his father’s strict tone and said : 

“Ok Thomas, enough now, you need to put your pants on.” 

Well. That didn’t play well in Thomas’ book. Frowning, he said : 

“No.” 

“Yes, Tommy. It’s day time, you need to put pants on.” 

“No.” 

“Yes. Come on, I’ll help you.” 

“NO !” 

Thomas ran away from Damian’s grasp, and your son was so surprised that he wasn’t able to catch him right away. He caught up to him though as Thomas was climbing a couch, sure that he’d be out of reach at its top (probably not understanding that Damian wasn’t as small as him...). 

Once on the top of it, he sad down and put his hands in front of his eyes, clearly thinking he was hidden, now. 

“I can see you Thomas.”

“No.” 

“Stop saying no, I can see you.” 

“No.” 

“Come on Thomas, I’m not playing anymore, I can see you, and you need to put some pants on.” 

“Noooooooooooooooo.” 

“Tho-” 

“NooOOooOOoOOoOOoOoo noooooooo.” 

“Thoma-”

���NoooOOoOOoo no no no no no no no !!!!” 

Damian realized trying to talk it out wouldn’t work. His brother was probably too young to be reasoned with. Quickly,he scratched his head to find a solution. 

Maybe making him laugh again ? Like Dick did with him at first. 

It felt like such a long time ago, but there was a time when Damian was a really big brat. He still was, sometimes, he wasn’t perfect of course. But he improved a lot. 

Regardless, one of the way Dick would make him stop being bratty, was making absolutely awful jokes and trying to make him laugh by doing stupid things. Ok. Here we go then : 

“Hey hey Thomas look, look !” 

“No no no no...No ?” 

Ok. Good point. Thomas was now watching Damian doing backflips and running around. Beaming, the little boy smiled widely and clapped his hands. 

YES ! Damian most definitely won. He stopped doing his acrobatics and turned to his little brother, saying : 

“Ok, time for pants now.” 

But Thomas frowned again, as if vexed he fell for the show, and gave Damian a definitive : 

“No.” 

Well. That was a fail. What did Jason do again, to stop one of Damian’s own tantrum ? Oh. Right. Um. That probably wouldn’t be a good method with such a young kid. Skipping that one. 

Tim ? Tim would talk to him about his favorite things. Video games, or whatever. And blackmailing him a lot (as a good big brother). Damian wasn’t too into blackmailing, but he was kinda running out of ideas. 

This was the first time Thomas was being difficult with him, it was too new, he needed more data to know exactly how to react ! 

So, blackmail it would be. 

“If you put your pants on, we’ll watch your favorite movie !” 

This seemed to peak Thomas’ interest. He looked at the Tv, then at his pants. Then at the TV again and...oh...Ooooh...Damn it ! Damian could see he almost got him. But it didn’t work, his brother shook his head “no” so strongly he almost fell of the couch. 

Ok. What were the options left ? What did Cass do ? Mmm. She would hug him and tell him things would be alright. Which worked for him, given his past, but Thomas was a little over one and had a normal happy childhood so far ! 

They couldn’t relate to their past, like Cass and him did. 

Ok. What would his mom do ? Well, with his mom, Damian had the intimate feeling that Thomas would’ve put on his pants without a word. He knew she wasn’t joking around. He’d never pull this sort of things with her. 

He would though, pull that with his father. And what would Bruce do ? Either let it go, or, if he was in a bad mood, be very strict and force him to put his pants on. Nobody said his father was perfect...His mother, neither. She could be implacable in her way of educating her son. 

Thomas was a calm boy, and was of course allowed to have tantrums. Their mother was mostly understanding. But if she was tired, she’d be less patient...It wasn’t always easy, raising kids. And the gods knew the Waynes had a LOT on their plates, at times.

MMm. Damian didn’t want to force him to do anything, or to lose his patience. 

And then it hit him. The solution was right in front of his eyes. Of course. It was so simple ! 

"(...) Continuation of last entry (March 7th) 

         New observation after today’s babysitting : toddlers sometimes focus on one thing so much they don't know how to react, and therefor, explodes with feelings 

        I found that my siblings tricks to calm me down would not work on Thomas, because he isn’t me. We don’t have the same personality, or background. I never even noticed before, how Dick, for example, used different methods to comfort all of us. Adaptability is key. Like how father gives us all different trainings, according to our own needs. Little brothers are the same. When mad, they need to be calmed in different ways. Thomas is such a calm kid and has so few tantrum, I feel comfortable doing what I did. 

       Which brings me to my next point. Being an older brother sometimes mean being the bigger person. Giving up, and letting them do what they want. I never realized how many things Tim, Dick, Jason or Cass gave up for me. But it now becomes very apparent to me. They switched things around in their lives to be convenient for me. Like, Tim used to love playing video games on his own, yet he let me come and play with him even as he doesn’t like multiplayer modes. Jason is afraid of snakes yet took me to Gotham terrarium where there’s one of the largest concentration of snakes in the US when I asked him. Dick gave up on ever taking many hoodies I stole from him back. Etc etc. 

         Being a big brother means being the bigger person sometimes, and letting the small one have their ways. Dick, Jason, Cass and Tim did it all the time with me, and it’s my turn to do it with Thomas. Unlike our parents, I don’t need to be the “police officer” of the house. I can have only the good times, and when appropriate, just let go. 

       Today was the first tantrum I witnessed Thomas having, and I decided to let it go. After than, it went all smooth. And honestly, he’s just a bit over one. It’s ok, if he doesn’t wear pants...” 

************

Their parents found them both asleep in front of Thomas’ favorite movie. 

They were still both in their pyjamas. 

“No pants” day became a thing, for the two brothers. 

**********

“Wednesday, April 19th 20??. Thomas : 3 years old.

        Today, I learned a new lesson. I kind of already knew it before, by observing Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass. But it only became obvious to me today :  A big brother is here to help his little sibling walk his own path. And discover the world.” 

Damian was looking at his baby brother toughtfully. Mmm. Seemed like the kid liked animals too. Maybe they could bond further over this ?

Your boy remembered that that's how his own siblings handled him. They found common ground on which they could understand each others.

With Dick, Damian learned how to perfect his flips and other acrobatics. They enjoyed the creativity and yet physical training of this “game”. 

With Jason, he used to spew all his frustration at him, and Jason would nod and say things like : “that’s right little bird, you tell ‘em !” and just agree with him on everything, even when he was wrong. They could particularly agree on how sometimes, Bruce could be a jerk...And yet wouldn’t wish for any other father. 

With Cass, they’d do artistic things. Drawing, or dancing. Sometimes sitting in silence for hours, back to back, while they painted. It was nice. Relaxing. 

With Tim...Well, Tim was a big advocate of this definition of sibling, that he made up himself : “The only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment, and beat up anyone else who tries.” So they’d bicker a lot, but then if anyone else was trying to rile Damian up, Tim would appear out of nowhere to give them a piece of his mind.

Yes. Yes. As Damian was observing little Thomas hug and smile at his stuffed animals, and thought that this could be quite the approach. 

After all, he really loved animals too.

"'Ook Damdam, ook ! SIMBA !"

Damian had become an expert in his brother's baby talk, and knew this meant : "Look Damian, Look ! A lion"

"No Thomas, not a Simba, a lion. Not all lions are called Simba, just like in the film."

Patience was key. Damian was pretty sure he already told Thomas that exact same thing a hundred time, but for some reasons, the boy stayed stuck on his Disney knowledge. 

But today, something different happened. Things clicked in the boy’s head.

Thomas looked at his stuffed animal for a while, and then asked : 

"…Nala ? Girl ?"

"…Wether it's a boy or a girl, their names aren't simba or nala, they're lions. And lionness. Simba and Nala are characters in a movie."

The boy looked at his  brother, confused, then looked back at his plushy lion and asked, to make sure :

"…Not Simba ?"

"Lion."

"…'ion ?"

"Yes."

"That, not Nemo ?"

OH ! They were making progress ! So far, Thomas didn’t really listen to Damian when he tried to teach him animal names, and just gave them names of Disney characters ! 

Now, he was pointing at his stuffed clown fish, asking wether he was a “Nemo” or not ! PROGRESS ! 

Damian smiled internally. Thinking it was cute, you and Bruce never did much to correct your son, which Damian found frustrating. But here they were, him finally gaining grounds !

“Right, not Nemo. Clown fish.” 

“On fish.”

“Clown. CL-OWN”.

“O-N.” 

“K-K. LL. AON. Repeat after me Thomas, Clown.” 

“...Cl...cl...clnown ?” 

“Clown.” 

“CLOWN !” 

“YES !”

“CLOWN FISH !” 

Thomas said proudly, showing his plushy. And Damian felt a rush of pride.Yes. That was it. Clown fish. He learned a new thing. And...And he probably wouldn’t have learned it yet if it wasn’t for him ? 

Oh. So a big brother also kinda had the role of a teacher. Interesting. 

And as Thomas ran to his father and screamed “CLOWN FISH” at him, Damian couldn’t help but being proud of him. Even though their father was clearly confused, as the little boy now was running to Alfred to show him he knew what a clown fish was, and didn't give further explanations to Bruce. 

“Clown fish ?”

The big scary bat repeated, utterly confused. By a three years old. What was it again ? Best detective in the world ?

************

“GWAYSON !” 

“No Thomas, no, I’m Dick, not Grayson !” 

“...Dick ?” 

“Yes ! Damian, stop teaching him that my name is Grayson ! Ugh. I swear, he hangs out wayyyyy too much with you. I need to spend more time here...” 

Damian grinned slyly, and Dick rolled his eyes. Thomas was growing up fast, and it made sense that he sometimes seemed closer to Damian, whom he saw the most. 

Dick and Jason had their own place, and both Cass and Tim were busy with college. Damian was still in high school, and a lot home. 

Although they weren’t seeing each others as much as he wished, the youngest Wayne and the oldest one still were extremely close. 

In fact, Thomas was very close to all his siblings. They almost were all like second (or third, or fourth) father, and mother. They were so much older than him, of course they’d have this sort of status at time. 

Their parents would take a lot care of him, and he was also very much a “daddy’s and momma’s boy” (like all his siblings really, though they’d never admit it). 

But Thomas did spend a lot of time with Damian, and wether it was on purpose or not, he took a lot after his mannerism and such...just like Damian used to copy his older sibling mannerism, and so on and so forth. 

“Gwayson” though, he could avoid. 

Dick rolled his eyes again, and smirked at Damian, before returning to play with Thomas. 

************

“Thursday, July 23rd 20??, Thomas : 4 years old. 

       Today, father and mom told me I was to take a night off and not to go on patrol. And that was a very big inconvenience. I had things planned, to prove my valor. I was about to sneak out anyway when (...)” 

Damian, his costume on, made sure his parents were busy before starting to come in action. 

First, he had to wait for his father to go on patrol, and join his other siblings out. And for his mom to get in front of the Batcomputer to monitor everything. 

Then, he had to wait for Alfred to put Thomas to bed, and to go himself sleep, the baby phone near him, just in case, even though Thomas was already 4 now and had full nights. The butler would never just leave him like that, even if his room wasn’t too far. 

Finally, he'd just have to sneak out by...

“DAMDAM !” 

Damian jumped in the air, surprised, and turned around. 

His little brother was right there, in front of him, smiling widely. 

“Thomas ? How did you get here ?” 

“I jumped out of bed, and walked.” 

Thomas said the most natural way ever, as if it was obvious how he got there, while it was almost 1 am and was supposed to be in bed. 

“It’s way past your bed time buddy.” 

“I can’t sleep. Mama and daddy awe not hewe. Cassie and Tim either. Alfwed is sleeping !” 

“Well you should be sleeping too !”

“But I can’t ! I just told you !” 

There was a short silence between the two, and...Oh. Oh he dared. 

Thomas was giving his older brother his world famous “puppy eyes” (a method he directly stole from Damian, of course). And as usual, it worked. 

Damian took his mask off, sighed and said : 

“You want a bed time story ?”

“YES !” 

And without invitation, the boy jumped on his brother’s bed, slipped under the covers, and waited patiently for Damian to go fetch the book they were currently reading. 

“(...) Continuing last entry, (July 23rd)

       And then Thomas fell asleep in my lap, and I realized something. I guess it was good, to have a night off. If I went out, I would’ve never made this important discovery : Tonight, I have learned that to be with the ones I love is enough. And that I do not need to chase after anything else to be happy. 

     It’s a discovery I thought I made long ago, but as I felt more big brother than ever after reading him a story, it truly hit me. Being me, and being with them...It’s enough. I don’t need to have more. And maybe, maybe being a big brother means to simply be there when you feel lonely ? Like Thomas, tonight, as our parents were away, and none of our other siblings were there. Like me too, when I had nightmares and went to hide in Cass, Dick, Jason, or Tim’s bed...whoever was available when mom and dad weren’t. 

       Mom and dad. They do their best. And their best makes them the best parents anyone could wish for. But they have a lot to do, wether in the day or at night. So sometimes, it comes to me. Or to my older siblings, to take care of each others. To take care of Thomas. We have to be there for each others, always. Being a big brother means taking the time to be there. Simple.”

************

“Look Damian, it’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

“Um, what did you say ?”

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

Damian looked around at the disapproving looks he got, and couldn’t care less. Of course, he wasn’t particularly thrilled about his little brother using “freaking” but oh well. It was to be expected, when everyone around him used it (and in some cased *cough* Jason and you *cough* used even worst). 

But as Damian came towards his little brother, he realized something. Something that made him burst out laughing. 

Thomas was starting to read on his own now. 

It was exciting, to witness Thomas’ progress as he slowly but surely learned how to read. And it felt so nice, to participate in said progress. To be there every steps of the way. 

Damian shared the pride Thomas felt whenever he showed his parents how well he’d gotten at reading.

And it was so nice, to see his mom and dad congratulates both of them…Thom because he really started to read well, and Damian for helping him out.

Far were the frustrating days when Thomas was a stubborn toddler that refused to call animals by their “actual names”. 

Damian spend many hours trying to explain to his younger brother that no, mice weren’t called “Mickey” and elephants “Dumbo” ! 

Nowadays, the little boy knew what the animals’ name actually were. Which didn’t mean no incident ever happened…Like today.

It was Thomas’ sixth birthday and he asked to go to the zoo (Damian definitely had an impact on that boy).

“Look Damdam, it’s a freakin’ elephant !!”

The boy said excitedly, pulling his brother’s sleeve and pointing at the elephant’s massive enclosure. Damian shook his head, slightly shocked. 

Not because his brother just called him “Damdam” (it was the nickname Thomas gave him long ago, when he couldn’t pronounce things quite right, and it just stuck), but because Thomas’ words were very much unlike him. 

Their parents were a bit further, being disgustingly cute together, holding hands and all, and trusting Damian to keep an eye on Thomas (they knew he’d never let that kid out of his sight, plus Damian was almost an adult, now, he was responsible…sometimes).

“What did you say, Thomas ?”

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !”

The boy seemed so proud of himself. Damian knew elephants were some of his brother’s favorite animal, but he just couldn’t get over the fact that his precious little brother just used the word “freaking”, even if it really wasn’t a bad one. 

That’s when Damian noticed it. The plaque giving informations about which kind of elephant it was. …His laughter resonated in the entire zoo. Both you and Bruce went to see what happened, and were face by a son shaking with laughter, and another little one that seemed very confused. When you asked what happened, Damian barely manage to say, pointing at the enclosure next to you :

“It’s a freakin’ elephant !”

And there, there came the laughter. 

Yes. Yes it was an “freakin’ elephant”…Or, for those who weren’t as new at reading as Thomas was, an “African elephant. 

Damian later shared what just happened with his older siblings, and they in turn gave him many occurrences of him being naive or such sometimes. 

Like that time Jason made him believe that the hays in fields covered with white plastics were marshmallows’ fields...But instead of being vexed, Damian laughed with them. 

Because that was what being a little sibling meant. And being the older one meant to see the evolution the small one went through, witness it all, and help out. Be there. 

Finally. Finally Damian felt like he truly understood, what it was to be a big brother ? 

**********

“Saturday, July 12th 20??, Thomas : 6 years old. 

          It took me six years, but I think I know now. After countless study and experiment. After spending hours and hours with Thomas. I think I know what it means to be a big brother. 

         First I had to understand what being a sibling meant. And that was easy. I had good model. Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass. They’re the best older siblings you can wish for (after me, of course). They helped me understand so much...Thanks to them, I finally got what it was, to be a sibling. And here it is : 

        Being siblings means our bond is stronger than any outside force, and we always have someone to lean on. It means late night pillow talks, awkward phone conversations, and insane laughter. It means calling each others over for no reason other than to sit in silence or talk for hours about nothing. One minute I'll be talking to one of my brother about Harry Potter, and the next I'll be talking to my sister about the newest music we're listening to. 

        But being an older brother...Being an older brother goes beyond just that. When you’re the youngest, sure you’re there for them, and you help out. But most of the time, you’re the one being helped, and having the most support. While still having fun ? 

        Being an older brother, it's keeping that balance between letting out my inner child (which I didn’t even know I had for the longest time, and was let out thanks to my older siblings at first) but still looking out for my little brother.

       Basically, it means having a free therapist and the greatest confidante you could ask for. I went to my older brothers and sister many times, in time of need. And Thomas comes to me often, too. When it’s things we can’t tell our parents, you know ? 

        Being an older brother means being there for your little one through thick and thin. There were many times I had to stand up for Thomas even when it was difficult, whether it was to our parents or someone else. And there were even more times when Dick, Jason, Tim or Cass stood up for me. 

        But it also means being a little strict at times. I came to realize that when Dick told me to do something, or Tim, or any of them...It came more from the fact they wanted me to not get into trouble than anything else, and that...That I realized with Thomas. Sometimes, you have to tell your little sibling what to do. But some other times, it’s totally ok to let go. 

        Being a big brother means loving and supporting your little sibling no matter who or what they choose to be or do. That’s what my brothers and sister showed me, and my parents too. And that’s what I discovered with my own little brother. So what if we didn’t have all the same interest ?

        Being a big brother means celebrating individuality and being proud of the fact that your little brother/sister is a part of your family. I’m glad we’re all different, with my siblings. And I’ll never make Thomas feel bad for that. It’s good, that he’s the calmest out of all of us, and had a different kind of life.

        Maybe being an older brother means that occasionally, I take advantage of the fact I can tell Thomas what to do (and how easily he listens to me), but...I am his biggest fan. If he falls, I will always pick him back up (right after finishing laughing, like Jason would say). 

        Yes. It took me six years, but I think I finally know what being a big brother means. I’m glad, because this is the last page of this logbook. 

        One day, I think I’ll give it to you, Thomas. Just in case. If you’re going through a tough time, or you’re not sure of who you really are. To remind yourself I went through the same thing. 

        To remind yourself I had to write, for six years, certain important interactions I had with you so I would understand a simple concept such as “being a big brother”.

        And that Dick did too. It wasn’t easy for him to go from a circus life with his parents to Wayne Manor with mom and dad, who were both rather young at the time, and inexperienced. 

         Jason came from the street, rejected by everyone. Do you think it was easy for him to acclimate to a life where he could finally be at peace ? Nope. And then, when he died and came back ? Ask him, and you’ll know. 

         Cass came a long way. Now, she speaks a lot, especially to you. But she used to be “mute”. And had a hard life. You should ask her, sometimes. 

         Tim struggled with being ignored all his life, and then he came in and suddenly had siblings, and “real” parents. Then I came along and fucked things up a bit (don’t swear)...but he came through, understanding what a big brother was supposed to be. 

         We all came through. Mainly because we had each others. So please Thomas, if you ever feel down, just come to me. Or to them. To us. We’re your older siblings, and that what it means. 

          I’m here for you. We’re here for you. Forever.”

The end 

__________________________________________________

So, y’all know I was very nervous about posting this. I hope it wasn’t a total fail and you enjoyed reading it ? Thank you for reading, and as usual, if you liked it and all, comments and reblogs are always more than welcomed :). Here we go. See you next time with another story. Now, I’m going to go hide in a whole out of fear that you guys will hate this and how different it might be from other stories (as it’s mainly Damian/Thomas centric). 

For those who do not know who Thomas is and are curious, here are the stories from my main Batmom timeline in which he appears : The Great Mall adventure, Master of Diaper, Shaky steps and bad teaching, Polichinelle, “Go away, you’re confusing my baby”, How do you make babies ?, Wild Child 2, “We want them back” and After Batmom’s death

CLICK HERE FOR ALTERNATE ENDING 

[into1-wonderland]

Baby!Into1 x Daycare au | Intro

(ft. Bo Yuan as the caretaker of the 10 chaotic bunch, ranging from the ages of 3-5)

a/n: hello hello yumi here~ so this is the first into1 au of mine that will ever see the light of day. at first I was going to write things for it, but honestly I'm going to make it into a series with incorrect quotes to attach with it. this post will be the bios of all the babies and our lovely caretaker Bo Yuan, so enough of me babbling and I hope you guys could enjoy~

First off, we have the Caretaker™ Bo Yuan:

my mans is like in his 20's rn

wanted to open up a little day care as like side job/internship because he wanted to teach kids in the future so he was like “might as well start working with kids now!”

and so

he did it

only regretted his life decisions when his devil number 1 and devil number 2 does something bad

other times he really enjoy looking after them! and he doesn’t even feel like it’s a job!

has been thinking about taking a field trip with all 10 of them but he’s afraid: 1) he might lose one 2) he might lose himself 3) can they behave themselves

his favorite thing to do is having all of them gather around while reading a fairytale to them for nap time

or sometimes he would sing a song

he has a lot of favorite things in day care, literally having all 10 of them just there makes him happy

except when lin mo and nine is having a scream off:

lin mo: ahh

nine: aHH

lin mo: AHH

nine: AHHHHH-

bo yuan, running into the room: what’s wrong?

ak: screaming

bo yuan: why?

patrick, with his hands over his ears: TO SEE WHOS LOUDER

all the other boys: *nods*

isnt always watching the kids 24/7, since day 1 when the kids came in he told them the rules of the daycare and kinda just let them familiarize the place

(bo yuan: its a daycare, and they are kids, they are suppose to have fun!

keyu, in the back, mumbles: i wanna climb the tree in the yard

bo yuan, turns around: keyu no)

///////////

And now we have the kids!!

Liu Yu:

4 years old

very quiet, just likes to sit and read and draw

the most obedient one, and likes to follow around bo yuan

well,, most of the time

he’s played a few pranks on bo yuan like:

bo yuan: liu yu nap time is over you have to wake up

liu yu: *not moving*

bo yuan, gently nudged liu yu: liu yu wake up!

liu yu: *continues to fake sleep and not move*

bo yuan: *leans closer to liu yu’s face to make sure hes not sick or has a fever*

liu yu, scares bo yuan: WAH

bo yuan: liu yu dont do that! you scared me!

liu yu: *giggles*

likes to stretch and bend himself in odd positions

(bo yuan: everyday I’m in fear that he will snap himself in half)

kinda an introvert but once he hangs around everyone for a bit he will open up to them and fit himself in very well

likes to organize and keep things how he found them/have special places where he organizes his toys

jiayuan: *moves liu yu’s fan*

liu yu: hey! put that back!!

has really good etiquettes and never really fights or argues or bicker with the other kids

but likes to joke around and mess around with once in a while

patrick: wahhh i put my cupcakes here who took one!

liu yu, hiding it behind his back: idk maybe keyu took it?

the least of bo yuan’s worries since he’s always in bo yuan’s sight, also he’s aware of his surroundings so he actually helps bo yuan make sure everything’s okay

(bo yuan: i made a checklist for myself on the whiteboard and liu yu likes to check things off for me, he said “coloring in the boxes is fun” so now he's the reason why i get all my work done)

-----------

Santa:

4 years old

riki’s best friend

super happy and bright, like a ray of sunshine

is easily scared

lin mo: hi

santa: WAHHHHH BO YUAN GEGE

really likes bo yuan, would stick on to him a lot and ask him about everything

santa: bo yuan gege whats this?

santa: bo yuan gege what’s that?

santa: bo yuan gege what are you making right now?

hangs out with liu yu and mika a lot (other than riki)

riki is older than him but would hold riki’s hand and take him around like a didi

also really likes racing with mika for E V E R Y T H I N G

(bo yuan: yeah couple days ago they tried to race who can fall asleep faster but because they kept on peeking at each other so they basically didn’t sleep till i said i’ll watch for them)

really likes to dance, every time he hears music he would start grooving around

loves learning new things, which is probably the reason why he always asks bo yuan so many questions

also least one of bo yuan’s worries, just gotta make sure jiayuan and lin mo don’t pull pranks on him

(bo yuan: well they dont really pull prank pranks, its just once lin mo grabbed a frog and started running around and showing it to everyone, but lin mo lost grip and the frog jumped on santa)

-----------

Rikimaru:

5 years old

looks like he’s 3, acts like he’s 3, but is actually 5

best friends with santa! always sticks around him and likes to tug on a corner of his shirt out of habit

bo yuan: alright everyone it’s nap time! i’ve made the beds for everyone

riki, sees his bed is not next to santa: bo yuan gege can you switch my bed next to santa? i wanna be next to santa

he didn’t start speaking till he was 4 so he often stutters when he talk and just looks confused a lot (it's because he’s thinking and formulating his words)

santa and the other kids would always have to interpret for him

bo yuan: riki I brought some snacks today do you want cookies or marshmallows?

riki: ???

santa, motioning with his hands: bo yuan gege said do you want the white fluffies or brown crunchies

riki: oh! crunchies!

squishy cheeks,, bo yuan’s favorite thing is to squish his cheek everytime he sees him

riki: gud mooning bo yuan gege!

bo yuan, squishes riki’s cheeks: ahh I haven’t seen you in so long good morning!!

nine: wait wasnt riki here yesterday??

also likes to stretch,, often seen around with liu yu and they just help each other

(bo yuan: i am afraid he will snap himself in half too)

not too much of bo yuan’s worries, besides the fact that he might get kidnapped because he’s so oblivious

(bo yuan: we were playing outside in the yard once and riki just wandered off because he thought the neighbor’s flowers were pretty)

-----------

Mika:

4 years old

also kinda an introvert, doesn’t interact with too many people

usually it’s santa that approaches him first or keyu^^

found a ukulele in the toy bin one time and wouldn’t let go of it (he claims it’s his now)

his favorite activity at daycare is when they all sing together, that’s when he smiles the most and has the most fun

the one that likes to nap the most

also likes to help bo yuan cook once in a while (mostly just having mika washing vegetables and passing things to bo yuan)

very laid back and not noisy (till he starts playing the ukulele)

often gets scared by lin mo’s sudden screams (actually, lin mo scares a lot of people, sorry to mika’s ears)

also not one of bo yuan’s worries, literally there’s nothing to worry about with mika, all the kids just likes to sit around mika and pet his head so he keeps everyone safe

(bo yuan: one time I couldn’t find any of the kids in the play room, apparently they were all in the napping corner petting mika’s head since he just got a hair cut)

-----------

Nine:

4 years old

loud, very loud.

pouts a lot

everyone calls nine cute, even the boys who are younger than him

likes to boss around patrick because he’s older

nine: patrick gimme that juice box!

patrick: you’re closer you get it!

nine: i’m older than you!

literally scared of everything

if he hasn’t seen it before and it’s living, he’s scared

jiayuan: *holds a bowl of tadpoles*

nine, several feet away: WAHHH WHAT IS THAT

the happiest when he gets snacks + real food food

also really likes to sing!! his favorite thing is watching disney movies because there’s so much music in it and he just loves to sing along

he’s not part of bo yuan’s worries because he’s literally scared of everything, but nine is really naive and would do things that the other kids tell him to do so, it’s a 50/50 on nine

(bo yuan: there was an edible decorative flower on keyu’s birthday cake couple days ago, and somehow jiayuan convinced nine all flowers were edible. so today during outside time nine almost ate the neighbor’s flowers)

-----------

Lin Mo:

3 years old

LOUD. VERY LOUD.

probably the craziest most hyper one out of them all

he and jiayuan always have something bad planned

literally doesn’t have a moment where he’s calm

constantly in bickering mode with ak

lin mo: NO IM RIGHT

ak: NO. IM RIGHT

patrick: what are they arguing about?

keyu: *shrugs*

but is also best friends with ak so he’s also calm around him

(bo yuan: yeah these two have on and off days, you can never predict it)

and also constantly naruto runs around the daycare

bo yuan: lin mo stop running!

lin mo: *nyoom*

he also once nyoomed into keyu

keyu: ow what was that for?

lin mo: you were in my way!

and now he nyooms into keyu for fun

a very good mood maker

likes to smile/laugh a lot

would calm down if you show him a movie or a cartoon

number 2 on bo yuan’s worry list because he’s the "bad influence" for everyone, also he reduces hearing for everyone

(bo yuan: i’ve secretly made a tally book on how many times i have to say “lin mo” in a concerning tone this week and he came in 2nd. he was only here for like 3 days!)

-----------

Zhang Jiayuan:

3 years old

YOURE THREE STOP SMIRKING LIKE THAT

couple months younger than lin mo but this is the real culprit under a lot of his and lin mo‘s plans

it’s just because jiayuan has a lot of crazy ideas and he says them out loud and lin mo is just like “yes”

also sometimes they are just accidents, but he's always doing weird questionable things with lin mo

got really sad one time because he brought tadpoles and put them in the fish tank and killed them since the fish went nom

but then started to constantly catch for tadpoles to feed the fishes

bo yuan: jiayuan stop, you’re killing the frog population!

jiayuan: but the fishies are hungry *pouts*

likes to fight/mess around with keyu for no reason

keyu: *sitting there, drawing*

jiayuan, with a squishy hammer: *bops keyu’s head*

but also will protect keyu if anyone tries to mess with him

lin mo: *nyooms into keyu for the 3rd time of the day* jiayuan, hugs keyu: stop hurting him!

the calmest thing he likes to do is taking care of plants, probably because he saw bo yuan spraying the plants one time and he like to squeeze the spray bottle

number 1 on bo yuan’s worry list, this child is literally not safe alone or with anyone. they were trying to celebrate keyu’s birthday and jiayuan tried to touch the candles, while it was lit, by the flame.

(bo yuan: i just got the tablets and haven’t set up children mode, so i’ll take the blame for this one. but also why are kids so good with technologies nowadays??)

-----------

Patrick:

3 years old

squishy :D

smiley :DD

favorite thing is nap time and snack time

somehow knows every location where bo yuan hides their snacks

bo yuan: *getting the snacks that he hid in the piano*

patrick: *sitting next to the window sill with the snack* hi~

of course bo yuan can never get mad at patrick for eating the snacks because patrick doesn’t do anything bad

also he's a growing child

best friends with keyu,, and drags him on to “adventures”

*the daycare got a new toy play house*

patrick: bo yuan gege, keyu and I are moving out so we can go on an adventure!

keyu: I didnt agree to this??

wants bo yuan to add dress up into the daycare games, since he wants to dress up the other boys in the daycare

patrick: i call it, patrick fashion!

not part of bo yuan’s worries till he’s on his hunt for the hidden snacks, just because bo yuan is afraid he might hurt himself

(bo yuan: i started hiding the snacks higher up and one time i saw him trying to climb on keyu’s shoulders to grab it)

-----------

Zhou Keyu:

3 years old

smart, but really clueless at the same time

tall, but has the personality of smol

likes to draw

also likes to read with patrick,, but usually patrick falls asleep so it’s him, the book, and a sleeping patrick

wears glasses all the time since his vision isn’t so good but somehow he makes glasses look good on him???

has a chain with his glasses because there too many glasses incident with keyu

glasses #1 keyu: I don’t like them! *takes it off and loses it*

glasses #2 keyu: *takes them off for nap time, but riki accidentally rolled on to them and snapped it*

glasses # we don’t know how many: *disconnected from the keyu universe*

also like a month younger than lin mo but literally has to make sure lin mo doesnt “blow” the place up

lin mo: what if I stuck this fork into the pluggie thing?

keyu, picking lin mo up: nope you’re not

when keyu is clueless he either stands there or just sit there and space out, not really noticeable but bo yuan ran into him doing that a couple times

(bo yuan: I thought he was an ai that was malfunctioning, it scared me at first but now I know he just doesn’t remember what he’s doing)

oh did I mention this,, even though he’s one of the youngest, he’s the tallest, with that advantage he likes to try to pick people up

jiayuan: keyu pick me up!

keyu: no

patrick: keyu likes me more he will pick me up!

keyu: no

patrick: *pouts*

keyu: *tries to pick both jiayuan and patrick up at the same time*

bo yuan, running over: ZHOU KEYU PUT THEM DOWN YOULL BREAK YOURSELF

not too high up on bo yuan’s worry list, give him a piece of paper or book or anything he would just calmly sit there and do something with it

(bo yuan: every time when we do art or reading its so hard to pry keyu away, he has to finish what he was doing and he’s so concentrated he doesn’t hear anybody)

-----------

Liu Zhang (AK):

4 years old

loud, VERY LOUD.

he doesn’t know he’s loud

bo yuan: ak you don’t have to yell

ak: OKAY

monopolized over all the instrument music type of toys in the daycare

bo yuan: ak you know you have to share your toys right?

ak: I gave the ukulele to mika

honestly having ak is like having a walking megaphone so bo yuan ended up actually making ak his little helper for announcements

bo yuan: ak go tell everyone is lunch time

ak: alright!

ak: *da da da running to fetch his little stool*

ak, stands on a little stool in the middle of the play room: ITS LUNCH TIMEEEEEE-

nine, swats ak’s leg: YOU SCARED ME

the only time ak is quiet is when he’s around lin mo, he kinda just likes to watch lin mo and follow him around so that’s that

unless lin mo starts messing with him, then you just lose your hearing for the day

also at first bo yuan was trying to see what ak is interested in, and he taught ak hot cross buns on the bells and thought that would calm ak down,, but oops ak ended up making more noises

patrick: I WANNA SLEEP AK

(bo yuan: I swear something happened to this kid or something. he’s not hard of hearing but he’s just naturally so loud)

i too would lose my hearing if im around ak so much

not to high on bo yuan’s worries but he just make sure ak isn’t being too loud and bothering the other kids, usually he’s pretty good about that but you never know when a little patrick will start napping or anyone really so gotta contain his energy

(bo yuan: ak is usually the first one that’s awake from nap time but its usually like 5-10min before everyone else so i told him he can go and play but he just has to be quiet)

///////////

alrighty !! now you've met everyone in the daycare, what kind of fun and chaotic adventures are they going to have??

(all future daycare au things will be incorrect quotes + short little one shots, this intro mostly served as a bio so you understand their personalities a bit, and i hope you enjoyed it!)

[boy-bi]

a little vent

i know this is mostly a lgbtq positivity and education account but i really just need to vent tonight. jesus fucking christ its hard to be queer sometimes. i dont know if i have any coherent thoughts or any way to really sum this all up but its so hard and isolating sometimes. i just want to love. i just want to be me and i cant fucking do that without being reminded of how hard it is. i was listening to the kurtis conner podcast from a couple weeks back while i was at work and he has a little advice section and it was a young queer kid asking for advice on how to deal with a homophobic religious father who has been great except for how homophobic he is. ofc kurtis is a cishet man so he kinda was just like "damn that rlly sucks im sorry idk what to say" (im paraphrasing and this is not a callout post or anything im just giving background) and it fucking broke me. like i dont go half of what anon goes through but it really resonated with me. my younger sister came out recently and the way my mom has brought it up just breaks my heart. she's supportive and what not but its just like.... she doesn't see her the same way. she never will. and its the same for my extended family and im so fucking sick of it. and the worst part is i cant change anything. this isnt some fucking disney channel original movie where everyone realizes that gay people are normal and everything is okay; me coming out would forever change my family dynamic and there's nothing I can ever do about it. i was again reading some fanfic and boom outta nowhere it talked about how hard it is to be gay and it hurt my fucking soul again. like I cant even consume media that represents me without being reminded of how shitty the world is. i just wanna love. i just want to be like straight people and just love. but I cant. idk if this is defeatist or just a small set of experiences that will change when im older, but this is all I've ever known. and this is literally one of the better case scenarios; im not in danger, im out to a bunch of my friends, and there are so many queer people who have it so so so so much worse than i do. but im just tired.

ig i wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. i feel this blog sometimes romanticizes queerness in an irresponsible way. i repost happy and educational things because i don't want people scrolling through to be sad, and to not constantly feel weighed down and hollowed by the realness of the world. but its important for u all to know that i do not live a fairy tale queer experience, and for anyone who feels similarly, you are not alone. i guess i also posted this for advice or a cry of help for sorts. i need someone to tell me that it gets better. that this feeling goes away or gets easier to manage. i don't want to live my life with the ever-present thought of "being straight would be easier" in the back of my head. sometimes i feel so isolated and lonely with all of this stuff and it gets too much to bear.

anyways, that's my vent. pls lmk if i need to tag anymore trigger warnings, i tried to do the best i could. i doubt anyone is, but if anyone is worried pls do not be, i am safe and okay.

idk how to end this long ass post. im sorry for how depressing this post is. im just tired. im tired of hating myself, im tired of fearing for how my relationships have/will change, im tired of this stupid ass planet, im tired of not being able to love, and im tired of crying. i wish i could end this on a good note, and there are so many positives!! like we are living in the most progressive age and things have gotten so so so so so much better. but sometimes i wish i could just be straight, or live my life like a straight person does. i know im gonna look back at this and cringe or whatever, but irdc. sorry to vent to strangers on the internet, but if any older queer people could give me advice or their thoughts, i would rlly appreciate it. anyways, i love u all and i hope u guys have a good night <3

[alch3mic]

(nervously wanders in) hello I'm joining in on this group collaboration of telling you how wonderful of a person you are,

Maybe it was obvious based on the huntsy fic I wrote (if you even remember this lol) but i was that anon a while back now saying how relatable the fic plot for the first part of huntsman was for me with the whole stalker situation. Although like i feel like I talk about this a lot (and definitely use it commonly in my writing lol) your works definitely helped with me accepting what happened rather than regretting it or thinking I could have done something else. I only first followed cause I thought your art was really cute, and honestly once I realized your work was yandere-themed, I considered unfollowing since everything yandere since then had been really damaging to me. But I decided to stick around regardless, and I don't regret it. You're honestly one of the kindest people I've seen, and the fact that you're determined to make the skeleboys dedicated and forgiving despite being yandere really speaks a lot. I also adore party of six, though I've not talked about it as much; it's my go-to fic when I'm not in a good mood because it always puts a smile on my face. I also adore how you've included world building in it as well despite it overall being a fluffy poly fic! Not many do that and it's wonderful to see, esp since I'm a sucker for world building haha.

Of course too, like many others here, you've also motivated me to write a lot more lately, too, haha. Your work is honestly a different writing style than I've ever seen before, but it's so incredibly vocal and emotional with its timing and spacing that it's really like hit me as like "Oh, this is it, the perfect writing style I've been looking for." Esp since I struggle with reading.. which is ironic since i love writing lol... But your writing is so well paced and spaced that it feels more like I'm hearing someone retell the story using the characters' voices and direct emotions. I especially love the parts in huntsman where huntsy gets so caught up in his head that his thoughts go out of control and then it just. Stops. And he forces himself to calm down. It really writes his character incredibly well and definitely help to lead to the point where he messed up. It is kinda funny how he's a character that feels nothing and yet lets his emotions get the best of him lol but honestly, sometimes I'm kinda the same lmao

Aaaaa this is getting too long so I'm gonna cut myself short before I write you a 5 page essay double spaced in 12 pt font. All in all, I adore your work and you as a person, and part of me wants to be closer friends but agdhs idk im bad at approaching people haha,, keep up what you're doing!!!💕💕💕

UWAHAHAUGHAHHHHHHH! this is so...!!! i don’t even know what to say! thank you! thank you! thank you! this is just so thought out and sweet and i’m just gonna go lay down and maybe cry just a bit because AHHHHHHHH NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE POTATO!!

of course i remember that anon! i was really so happy my writing was able to make such an impact in a positive way to someone at the time and now i’m even more happy that it helped not only to comfort but inspire you to write more!!! that is like the one thing i always wish whenever someone reads my writing is to either bring a sense of comfort (which is why it makes me so freakin’ happy to say you love po6 because it’s my comfort writing) or to inspire them! writing became such an important part of my life as a way to express myself both when i was younger and especially now that i’ve taken it up again, so if i can inspire anyone to take a chance at writing something it’s like the biggest compliment in the world to me! it’s really because of your and everyone’s amazing support that i’ve been feeling so encouraged to take my quirky writing style and keep running with it too so thank you for always commenting and giving me your thoughts on my work it’s been so encouraging!!!

and thank you for giving the boys a chance too. i’ve always known that the more yandere elements can be spooky for a lot of people which is why i will forever respect those who avoid the work but i’m also so dang determined now that the boys have gained some traction to really make them much more in-depth and complex characters beyond what we’ve come to expect out of the trope. they’ve become so important to me now as both a way to explore more themes and as a form of self expression!

you’ve been so amazingly sweet and supportive of what i do and i’m seriously in love with everything you do, like hello?? the underlust rewrite is so freakin’ incredible?? your writing has been really amazing to read!! AND YOUR ARTWORK IS LIKE *CHEF’S KISS* I LOOK UP TO IT SO SO SO MUCH!! just know my door is always open for close friendship because i am also an awkward human who is the literal worst at interacting with people because my social anxiety is CRIPPLING, but you are someone i already consider a good friend and will gladly reach out more too! THANK YOUUU!!!

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[nofliight]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: stole it from @sternenteile​ and honestly others tbh tagging: TAKE

my muse is:  canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ for better or for worse, he’s THE face of kid icarus, after all. he’s a dork and funny and likeable and even if the fandom tends to get him WRONG (thanks smash bros) there’s no denying his popularity ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ i don’t??? think so??? most people are too busy talking about how they think he’s like 5 ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ EVEN THE FANDOM AIN’T GONNA MESS THIS UP. MAN FIGHTS GODS. CALL THAT WEAK. ]

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ make no mistake - pit’s got fans and plenty of them but he’s so MISTREATED by the fandom. his character is a lot more complex than he gets credit for and smash bros in particular is a big reason people think he’s just Big Dumb Baby Man ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. [ HE’S THE MAIN CHARACTER, THE CENTRAL FIGURE UPON WHOM THE NARRATIVE IS STRUCTURED AROUND, YEAH HE’S PRETTY RELEVANT. Uprising is literally made to tell the story of a war exclusively through the perspective of a single side and Pit (and Palutena) are the EMBODIMENT of that whole side. ]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ and a perfect one at that. he’s literally a perfect protagonist don’t tell me i’m wrong cause i’m not ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ pit is beloved by humans... and mocked by the Gods. seen by most as a spineless extension of palutena’s will, most “respect” of any variety goes to palutena while he gets treated as a joke 99% of the time... and it’s not like Palutena gets too much respect either ]

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (????) [ Uhhhhhh... it’s an odd one. Short answer is that Pit’s a good samaritan who’s done a lot of good BUT most of the gods think protecting humanity is a Folly and a Joke and that Pit’s just a pawn of Palutena’s and while the humans do hold a lot of respect for him, uh............. let’s just say, some humans on the surface have reasons not to be too happy with him. ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  —  about as much as I need to to respect one of my favorite video games of all time. while kid icarus uprising is a comedic game most of the way through it has a lot more nuance and depth to itself, its world, and its characters than one can see at first glance, even after a full playthrough. if you let yourself get invested in the characters, take a closer look at the dialogue it provides, and acknowledge the central, core storytelling message of the game for what it is, there’s a lot more to pull out than one would think. that being said, it’s still a comedic video game and one that I think could use some more expansion. though the game is inconsistent there seems to be the consensus that pit is like a child and I’m not into that, mine’s a bit more showing in his cynical and snarky side after all he’s been through and overall there’s a lot of expansion on the base while building it into something unique.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  imagine your typical bootstrapped anime protagonist. someone who, when younger, was a runt who couldn’t meet the expectations of others, was looked down on, and found himself crushed and hurt and near-killed by a great tragedy that he was forced to claw his way out of to make himself stronger. Now imagine all of that with a character who comes out still able to have a very real smile and ultimately comes out of it a self-assured, chipper goofball with a good heart. now put that together with all of the darkness and depth you would have expected to be there, but scattered realistically throughout the attitude of someone who does genuinely want to keep a positive attitude. someone who is sincerely an optimist who’s grown past his weaker days, but isn’t quite so simple as he’d like to believe. all of that combined with someone who can’t read, is willing to eat ice cream off the floor in times of duress, is extremely easy to fluster and can channel his goddess’ power to slay GODS? you got one strong man.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  his positive attitude is what most people will see when speaking to him, because for what it’s worth, he’s not actively lying about his depth. he’s a cheerful, jovial man with a big smile and a love of the world around him - which is all well and good, but his depth is something you have to find, even if it is reasonably clear if you’re willing to look. he’s also portrayed as a bit unreasonably dumb at times, and though I personally justify the worst of it with proper explanations, I can understand reducing some of the value of the character in favor of seeing all of his Jokes

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i made my original pit blog, flightlesswarrior, on a total whim after playing kid icarus uprising. cute character, fun premise, why not? but over time, and with numerous plots I was able to take part in exploring the serious, not so serious, shipping, tragedy, and going back through the game to keep my muse rolling, it occurred to me more and more with time just how nuanced and interesting pit and co. really are. pit embodies many of the things i really, truly love in a protag, falling firmly on the side of good, having a heart of genuine gold, and having nuances and parts of his personality that are less than savory without making him seem like a contradiction. he’s got depth, he’s got story, there’s a lot to explore and flesh out... and he’s also just a nice, friendly guy who gets along well with others. plus, i’m drawn to dorks.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  a) love for Kid Icarus: Uprising. a game that helped me gain a deeper and more insightful understanding of character development, subtle storytelling, optimism still tinged with legitimate and healthy cynicism, and overall something that changed my understanding of character development and storytelling forever. and b) spite. the fandom treats him like an idiot baby and smash DOES NOT help matters so i have to remind others that he is a veteran of a war, a socially inept loser with few real friends, and someone who’s kindness and optimism was shaped and molded by its hardships in a way that doesn’t require a near-breaking point or a reminder that “this guy could be evil you know” to show how someone can still keep a positive attitude in spite of all the shit life throws at him.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO [ i’d like to think i have?? but i also acknowledge that he’s become something of his Own in some ways that do intentionally diverge from sakurai’s intentions. ultimately though, even though i may not play him completely true to text, i try to be as loyal as i can be to the spirit of the character. ]

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [ when i can!! but??? the problem is my mind really, really likes to reiterate the Same Damn Points i have to make with characters that draws me to them - and you know, writing the same hcs over and over is generally considered poor form?? ngl i also prefer to let the writing do the talking unless it’s something that’s not gonna show so 90% of the time pit’s open enough that all but the darker sides of his mind are lain out before you. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ maybe??? once or tWICE???? but i need to write more ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ I REALLY DO, HOO MAMA. i have a lot of thoughts about him, his depth, potential relationships, goofy thoughts, more serious fanfic ideas im never gonna write and don’t get me started on how many SHIPS i have to think about for him ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO [ my portrayal is made out of spite for portrayals in the fandom and some supplementary material that gets him wrong - it’s kinda hard to do that without the confidence ]

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / ??? [ it’s uhh........ complicated??? i don’t think writing is my expertise, tbh. but it is the best way i have to show the passion i have for characters, by putting their nuances into actions, by allowing them to shine from who they are their core, by exploring relationships and scenarios and struggles and hope and everything that can flesh a character out. whether or not i’m a good writer is something i’m still sorting out - but i’m proud of my ability to develop a character, and to that end i feel like i’m doing fine ]

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORTA. [ on one hand......... very. i have a tendency to overthink everything i do and look back at moments i made an ass of myself that keep haunting me throughout my day - they haunt me. i only have two fears: what my immediate friend group thinks of me and the crushing existential weight of worrying one day i’m gonna ruin everything i am SOFT. that being said, i’m also hardheaded and stubborn and i’m not afraid to go off on someone i don’t have much respect for if it comes down to it. i’m easy to anger when it comes down to it you know i guess that proves the point huh i’m not stonefaced at all ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  i try to? it’s a bit touchy for me I admit just because I do take portrayals and try to make them my own, but i am willing to listen if someone has any points they’d like to make that i haven’t acknowledged properly. if criticism IS had, lemme know, i do wanna hear it!

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —   Y  E  S

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  not that everyone who disagrees with my opinions has to explain themselves of course, but i do sincerely like the chance to learn if something i’m doing doesn’t quite feel right. even if it’s one-sided and i’ll come to disagree, i’m happy to listen! even if i don’t agree with the disagreement head-on, i like to keep them in mind and see what i can shift around to acknowledge them if necessary

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — neutral?? i mean don’t be mean about it, but if you just think my pit doesn’t seem right or it doesn’t click right with your muse i’m not gonna throw a fit about it. everyone’s allowed to view a character in their own way - and even if i may get salty about those who oversimplify him, it IS anyone’s right to view him how they will.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — agree to disagree tbh. i can’t pretend it wouldn’t disappoint me, but it’s not like, worth ending a friendship over or anything. everyone’s got their own viewpoints to run on

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  sure, within reason! i take pride in my grammar but i know that with my fast typing and often running on only a few hours of sleep some problems do slip in through the cracks. while i generally either catch them or just Die with them i’m all ears if i mess up

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  uhhhhhhhhhh well i’m?? kind of a socially anxious mess honestly which DOES make being easy going a bit difficult BUT i do try and be friendly and sociable as i....... can. i’m too scared to talk to people and CAN say some dumb things but i’m not a hardass or anything!! i like to talk and Yell and shitpost and pretty much do anything but write tbh DHFLKSJDF

[scige-alt]

LIANA LIBERATO / CIS FEMALE — don’t look now, but is that saige beaumont i see? the 21 year old criminal psychology / linguistics student is in their sophomore year and she is a rochester alum. i hear they can be blithe, energetic, evasive and irrational, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet she will make a name for themselves living in murphy’s beach homes. ( james. 20. est. she/they. )

snjdfg these took so long i’m so sorry but anyways please LIKE and i’ll slide into yr IMs for plots !!

TW DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, IMPLIED ABUSE, ADDICTION, HIT & RUN.

a e s t h e t i c s

stick n’ pokes at 2am – when your drunk and giggling too much in between purposeful stabs, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk because they’re bad luck and they’ll break your mother’s back – even if your mother doesn’t love you, because you love her, the familiar riff in an old song – one that’s got you strumming along silently; there is no guitar, only empty air lit by the christmas lights you haven’t taken down. it’s may. swallowing down shots, and by default, swallowing down problems. laughing quick, easily, constantly. skinned knees from skateboarding, despite being rubbish at it. wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones, glitter sticking, running into the ocean at sunrise; feeling at home. excuses, and the many forms they come in. telling people you love them through hand squeezes and fresh muffins, sideways glances and soft, eager grins.

general info !!

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): n/a so give her some uwu

b.o.d. - july 7th, 21 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: bisexual w/ a very slight preference towards masc-presenting folks

pinterest

stats

biography !!

the fallible daughter of two very infallible people: robert beaumont, US lieutenant general, and manon levesque, world renown fashion designer. both calculating, cold, and purposeful.

saige never believed she was created out of love. it was an action with a purpose, intentions to create the perfect child. the hybrid of both military genius and fashion extraordinaire, molded to their will.

it took them no more than six months after her birth for her parents to up and move, thus beginning the cycle of packing and unpacking, flying and driving, state-to-state and country-to-country. the longest saige had ever stayed in one place was two years.

kept on a short leash, homeschooled, and learning skills she had no interest in – she was more like a pet, a project, than a child. the world moved all around her, but she felt restrictively tethered to her parents.

she had always felt this way. a bird in a cage of thorns.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends – saige would be there one day, and gone the next. a ghost, a very visible ghost. even so, she tried her hardest.

running from bodyguards (nannies, in a sense. her father is a paranoid man) into festival crowds and climbing out of windows in the dark of night to swim in lakes with locals she’d meet only a few hours earlier – she absorbed as much of what she could get; this intense, undying love for a world she had always craved to see.

it was the start of something near dangerous – a phase that seemed to never end, rebellion coursing through her veins. a wild child in the making, unknowing of limits. the bad sort of crowd was the crowd she found herself landing, more often than not – introducing the sheltered girl to a world she hadn’t quite known existed

she ran away, briefly, at age fifteen with a man three years older than her – which nearly ended up in a tabloid magazine if it hadn’t been for her parents’ money. though the guilt of her parents’ disappointed weighed on her, the thrill fueled something much worse

from that point on, she became a problem child. from public intoxication to vandalism – it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could contain her.

boarding school was a small attempt to stop it – she got expelled.

she hadn’t intended to go to university, either – but, by some chance – and after a mysterious year-long disappearance from public eye during her eighteenth year of life, next thing she knew, she was a student at lockwood university.

she was involved in a getaway chase from an armed robbery at a bank which then turned into a hit-and-run in washington when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. it was a situation she had no control over, not knowing her role in the scheme until it was too late to turn back. the victim survived but saige’s family has been paying the medical fees since then. her parents haven’t spoken to her since.

ever since the accident, saige has avoided causing too much trouble - generally staying out of headlines and tabloids, partially in fear of her parents finally cutting ties, and partially in fear of doing something that’ll cost another person their life.

personality !!

bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s got so much fucking energy on her – she goes running every morning and every night and swims like every afternoon and she’s n e v e r tired ?? the personality of a coke bottle shaken up but like if the bottle could laugh.

tries her hardest to be the Happy Fun friend, y’know, the one who can hook you up w/ some sicccc shit b/c she befriended/possibly slept with her drug dealer and now she gets discounts.

like, generally, comes off as very confident of herself and fearless and, like, yes–reckless, but like a fun reckless, y’know ??

talks a l o t, could ramble for days, hand gestures and all.

if she wants to do something, she will do it and there’s not much you can do to stop her tbh. she’s very easy-going, very go-go-go, very…mischievous, y’know? even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kinda just have to let her do it or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and you’ll feel ?? this weird sense of guilt ?? which isn’t the Best thing but she’s not the best person either so dfghjh

a vegetarian !! meat makes her sick, like, physically.

uuuhh her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘y’knows’, y’know ??

i am like 99% sure she’s got adhd but she’s never been diagnosed with it b/c her parents suck with that stuff. her parents sort of suck in general.

like…she’s currently not on speaking terms with them. she’s not disowned…like, yet, but they haven’t said more than like five words to each other since saige was eighteen and it k i l l s her but they also send her a shit ton of money every month so.

owns like…four cars…..she has them all on campus…..she prolly isn’t suppose to…but she does…one of them’s a real sleek sports car, one is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like LED lights n shit, one is the same exact fucking car from the princess diaries b/c saige is obsessed w/ the movie. the other is like. a mini cooper probably.

a photographer, her walls are covered in photographs and art and taped-down plants and in general her room is very ?? cluttered ?? like it’s very home-y but god. she’s a mess. clothes everywhere. she’s probably got a pile of instruments and other miscellaneous hobbies on a chair in the corner that she hasn’t touched in a while

speaking of !! she has a bunch of random, like, skills ?? like knitting and sewing and cooking and three different forms of ballroom dancing, and she can definitely work a gun and a car engine except she goes thru interests so rapidly and is disinterested in most of the other ones b/c her parents forced like half of them onto her.

she plays bass guitar. she loves her bass guitar. she knows other instruments but the only ones she’ll really fidget with are her bass guitar and like, her violin. everything else she’s like ~okay~ at

got really obsessed with languages at a young age and started learning them ?? her mother is like. super french, like genuinely from france, so she already grew up speaking both english and french but she’s learnt others for the hell of it and she’s still learning like three other at the same time which is a MESS but she’s a mess so like can u blame her sdfghj

but like i said, she’s v e r y reckless. very much a party girl. she uses like…quite a few drugs, both socially and alone and frankly – she’s rarely sober.

a budding alcoholic because she’s convinced that without it she’ll be Miserable and Horrible to everybody because she’s a Horrible, Awful person who is the absolute Worse and if drinking vodka mixed in with 23 crystal lite packets helps with not thinking like that then she’ll do it no questions asked

its a problem she’s been developing since she was younger, only amplified by … the situation, that happened when she was eighteen.

is essentially wearing this mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness b/c she doesnt want people to think she’s doing Not Okay.

she loves so much. she loves everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either. if ur a shitty person/come off as an asshole then she’ll be more likely to be attracted to her b/c shes Always been like this. finds them super interesting which is ?? questionable ?? sometimes i want to just. knock some sense into her but y’know what…it’s fine we’re Fine

she gets around p frequently but is also the type of person who’ll like, try n maintain a positive, good friendship with whoever she sleeps with b/c the idea of having regrettable encounters is smth that Bothers her and she just pretty much refuses.

it’s honestly a bit of a problem ?? she blurs the lines between friendship and Something, Anything More too often and with too many people b/c she just. wants to be loved. but there is never enough !

she does stick n pokes !! a whole bunch !! let her give you one !! she can’t draw for shit but i mean, who cares, right ??

uuuhh her mom sends her like…prototypes of things she designs n shit that isn’t out yet and saige 100% always gives it away or it sits in her closet and essentially that is her go-to gift for birthdays or christmas or whenever she feels like it

there’s literally sm i could say about her but i’ll stop Here b/c it’s getting too long sksksksk

wanted connections !!

give me. a best friend. just somebody who sticks by her side even though she’s a Mess

like, a ride or die ?? is that the same as a best friend ?? idc i want both :)

and just in general, like, people she’s p close to ?? she’s really friendly and is the kind of girl who’d be really popular in high school but doesn’t care abt popularity n talks to literally Everybody like she’s known them all her life.

ESP if ur muse is a lil grumpier !! she will fuck their shit up, but like, in a friendship way.

party pals, where they don’t talk that much outside of parties but inside them ?? super close. glued to the hip. hold-your-hair-back kinda tight.

frenemies ?? fake friends ?? toxic pals ?? ppl using her for her money or like, sex, or something ?? anything ??

bad influences ?? who just encourage all of saige’s shit ??

good influences ?? who are like YOINK stop being an idiot.

a tutor b/c she’s like…she’s smart, okay, but she’s also really stupid LMAO. she’s rly bad at math and science. somebody help her.

hook ups ?? fwbs ?? that one, rare one-night-stand that went weird ??

exes ?? she’s sorta noncommittal so idk how long they would’ve dated but like sjdfkbo yolo ?? ex hook-ups too ??

…somebody who just. hates her. but she doesn’t realize bc she’s a big ol’ idiot. she thinks theyre pals !!

let her b a thorn in someone’s side, just like, an absolute annoyance LMAO

gimme an enemy, or like an ex-best friend where something happened between them n it ruined their friendship

i will take literally anything i dont know

she steals ur character’s mail ?? ur cat keeps escaping and she keeps letting them inside even tho she’s allergic ??

one of those friendships where theyre always bickering like an old married couple ?? but it’s Purely Platonic (or is it ??)

an off-and-on again that just. it’s not good for either of them b/c they keep enabling each other and then getting pissed off and it’s a Mess but ?? it’s so hard to stop.

the drug dealer she keeps sleeping with even though she can just … pay for her shit. b/c it’s funner this way !

just … people where their like … relationship status is Blurred and it’s like, are they a thing? are they not? b/c she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to !

please. take her. give me connections.

[fictionalboysarejustbetter]

Friendships from Afar

Distance creates a barrier of trust. There are no worries. There is always a safety net to fall back on that protects from hurt or pain. Beginning in second grade, my personal goal had always been to find a singular, perfect friend who lives far away. We could talk openly with each other, and I would have the ability to be myself. The plan is that years later, I would meet this person in the weirdest of circumstances, and we would be best friends forever. It’s even better if this friend is a guy, so then we can both fall in love and get married to live happily ever after.

In second grade, the entire class received school pen pals, and while my fourth-grade pen pal was not ideal, I knew I loved this “secret” letter writing system where I am just Rebecca, nothing more or less. Moving into fifth grade, Mrs. Smith found me a pen pal from China. Through our teachers, we would send each other letters back and forth until the school year was over. From this moment onward, I was hooked; pen pals didn’t care what I looked like or how shy I was or how involved my mother was with the school, I could just be me, and they only knew the information I told them. Without asking for help, I scavenged through the internet, trying to collect pen pals as if they were Webkinz. I was convinced this perfect friend could only be found on pen pal websites that look like they were made by my fellow fifth graders.

Starting in sixth grade, I would spend night after night stalking the profiles of random teenagers on Students of the World, a supposedly “safe” pen pal website for kids. Gender? Who cares. Age? About 10-16. Likes? Reading, of course. Language? English please. I would then press search and sift through hundreds of profiles, finding the perfect candidates to be my best friend. This process was extremely predictable, including:

The teenage boys “looking” for a relationship:

Nathaniel, Age 14, UK

HOBBIES:

Photo

Trips

Cinema, Television

Sports

Reading

Painting, Drawing, Art

Hi! Are you looking for a cool guy to write to? Send me a nice message otherwise you’ll miss something priceless. 

I can speak:

English, French

The liars that claimed they like everything and speak every language:

Janhvi, Age 16, USA

HOBBIES:

Photo

Trips

Clothes

Cinema, Television

Sports

Sciences

Music

Reading

Animals, Nature

Cooking

Collections

Painting, Drawing, Art

Hello !!👩I'm Janhvi .I like to travel.I have traveled in to many countries .Such as india , sri lanka, china, france and more.I like make new friends.message me soon guys.👭👫OUR LIFE IS CHANGE , BUT FRIENDSHIP NEVER BE CHANGE.

I can speak:

English French German Italian Spanish Arabic Chinese Japanese Korean

The students making a profile for class:

Chaya, Age 13, USA

HOBBIES:

Clothes

Cinema, Television

Music

Reading

Animals, Nature

I am looking for a penpal for our school project. I would like to find some in Atlanta, Georgia.

I can speak:

English

I would scroll through these profiles so constantly that I rarely found new profiles. I was judging every profile based off of the person’s name, biography, age, likes, languages, everything. Most people without a profile picture wouldn’t receive an email from me. I tried to avoid messaging anyone from the United States unless they sounded like a major fangirl or fanboy over the books I liked. I automatically favored anyone from Europe, especially if they had an interesting name. But regardless if anyone from anywhere sent me a message first, I would respond back at least once.

Shortly after the search began, I received a message from a girl named Julia from Australia. She and I were the same age, we both needed a friend, and we both liked reading, animals, music, and clothes. Quickly, my life began to revolve around the fourteen hours that always stood between Australia and the United States. Throughout sixth and seventh grade, we would be constantly messaging on the messaging app “kik,” confiding everything deep and useless to each other like best friends do:

Becca says:

Hey, how are you?

Julia says:

Everyones well... Mum and dad start the long drive to melbourne this weekend so everythings kinda topsy turvy :p

How is your family and pets? Im sorry for my rudeness that i didnt ask earlier

Nearlytime for school?

Becca says:

Lol that is fine! I get to school around 8, so normally ill drop off right before, lol i try to remember to tell you but i tend to forget. Theyre good though. Willie and Apricot are happy my grandma left :-P mom and dad are helping me with my ancestry project and exploding of happiness because I got a position in that volleyball club and my sister has been working and spending money :-P her favorite thing to do

Julia says:

Ahh the christmas spirit... Lol is there anyone in the house who loves your grandmother?

Becca says:

Lol we love her because shes family, but no one loves her when shes here if you know what i mean.

What’s up?

For two years, the conversations would continue for hours, as we both wait anxiously for the “ding” on our tablets, indicating a new message. Julia’s father was a firefighter who fought the nasty bushfires that haunted their country. I interviewed him as my hero for my final paper and presentation in my eighth grade English class. I interviewed him through email after our initial plans to Skype were sidetracked by the active wildfires, and I so proudly presented the information about him that you would have thought he was my father.

One day, Julia told me about her divorced parents. Then, she told me about the twins her mom just gave birth to. Then, she explained that she actually has a twin brother and no younger siblings at all. Then, she became an aunt to twin nephews. Then, her house burned down, and she had to move across the country. Then, her parents just moved across town. The stories continued and continued only within months of each other, not adding up in any way, shape, or form. With hope still in my heart, I sent her all three books of The Hunger Games trilogy since she really wanted to read them, but two months later, the books came back in the mail as undeliverable. The address did not exist.

Unable to admit defeat or accept the idea that my best friend might not be real despite all of the evidence, I started to panic. What if she is catfishing me? I’ve seen that show before, and I even gave “her” my address. Whoever this person is could easily come to my house and kidnap me...maybe I should tell my mom and warn the police. But maybe, she just has a really hard life, and she compulsively lies to make herself feel better? Maybe, she just really wants attention, and that’s why none of her stories are adding up. Besides it could still be her, she may just be scared. She could have just lied and is younger than she said and is trying to sound cool to impress me.

With these panicked thoughts raging through my body like wildfire, I blocked her from kik and began to ignore her emails. I forced myself to just disappear, so then I would have nothing to worry about. I cannot trust that Julia is really Julia, so I will just watch “her” occasional emails come in, analyzing from afar who “she” may be. I’ll search for her on Google and Facebook and Instagram and Students of the World and anywhere else I can look. The emails would keep coming for years and years, but they never held much content to them, and I’m still left to question who “Julia” is.

My Julia investigation was stalled for now, and the void of not having a constant penpal to talk to quickly came back. Therefore, my search to find the perfect best friend needed to be expedited since Julia was certainly not cut out for the position. I continued to search Students of the World with my new smartphone every chance I had. In between games at volleyball competitions, Hope and I could be found by the nearest outlet on my phone, scouring the website for the perfect answers within someone’s profile. We would send out messages together to the nerdy fangirls and fanboys around our age. Every day during the bus ride home from school, Jenna and I looked through the website on our phones, judging everyone’s biographies and pictures. Jenna created a profile too, and we would have three-way Skype sessions with Sylvia from France until the two of them became too close and stopped inviting me to Skype with them.

Finally in April of ninth grade, I received a promising email from a 16-year-old boy from France:

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

My name is Kristopher and Im from France !

I watched a few days ago Divergent and it made me want to read the books !

I see you like tv shows and video games as I do !

I am not fluent in English but I can talk to you !

If you want I can learn you French ! :)

Typically, I would spend about twenty minutes every day responding to emails from random penpals on my way home from school, but within the first three or so emails to a person, one of us would just stop responding. In regard to Kris, I generally liked video games, but I wasn’t obsessed with them, and I had a weird taste in TV, so we probably couldn’t talk about that much. But Divergent by Veronica Roth was my all-time favorite book. As soon as I read that word in the email, I knew I would be responding until he stopped responding to me. It had always been my goal to fall in love with a fanboy, especially one with the same taste in books and movies as me, so I immediately responded with:

To: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com From: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com

Hi Kristopher!

What part of France are you from? I live near Pittsburgh, PA, USA.

Yes, definitely read the books! They are amazing! I find myself gravitating towards video games and shows more than sports! :P

I don't know much of French as I take Spanish in school, but I'd love to learn some and help you with English as well!

Rebecca

He emailed me back within minutes, and we emailed for most of the evening, talking about books and food and the differences between the United States and France. That night though, my phone battery had died, and it was only for a few hours. After plugging it in, I found five unread messages from him, making sure I was okay.

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Lol it works ! :) Good courage to go back to school ! :)

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Hey sweetie 😆

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

How are you Miss ?

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Do You use words like ain't or gonna ? 😆

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Are you OK ?

As soon as I read these messages, my heart fluttered a little. This was just the beginning of our constant messaging and talking. I happily responded to him, and within days, Kris was my perfect, new best friend. The random space he left between the last word and the punctuation of a sentence would drive me insane, but I didn’t have the heart to explain the process to him. We talked so consistently that it would probably be considered unhealthy, discussing pets, family, being the youngest child, aspirations, atheism, languages, food, books, video games, and everything else under the sun. I was stuck to my phone all day, and every time I picked it up, I waited in anticipation for a notification with his name and the random spaces between his words and the punctuation.

The six-hour time difference between the two of us meant nothing, with him staying up late and me getting up early. Between classes, we would sneak each other messages about how our days were going. My week-long field trip to San Antonio, Texas was spent either messaging him or scouting out an outlet to plug my phone into so that I could talk to him. The more access I had to Kris, the further I distanced myself from my friends and family. When my phone would die or I wouldn’t have reception, I would look around, annoyed by whoever the people around me were. Kris was the perfect friend I always wanted; he was my best friend, and I was his. Neither of us needed anyone else, and hopefully, all of our talking and flirting would lead to love which would lead to marriage.

The summer before tenth grade came, and Kris seemed to be growing distant. Supposedly, he was travelling all summer, and he would rarely have access to wifi. I counted down the days until he would be back home, and after one measly conversation, he disappeared again. I sent message after message, finally receiving a response about his brother pushing him in the pool and his phone being in his pocket at the time, so it was destroyed. The summer seemed to be surrounded by disappointment, but hopefully when we went back to school, our relationship would continue to be as strong as it was before.

Tenth grade began, and Kris was still busy all the time. Apparently if he kept up his hard work, he would be valedictorian. Since I couldn’t spend lunch chatting with him anymore, I bragged that I was basically dating this amazing French guy who is valedictorian at his school. Until October hit, and then I would receive the dreadful message that he has a girlfriend. Ironically, this only made our conversation stronger than it had ever been, and he even picked out my new haircut, sending me endless compliments on it. The next day, he sent another message, explaining that his girlfriend didn’t want us talking anymore so it would probably be best if we just stopped. I was bad at listening to these directions, following this conversation up with many, many new messages in attempts to strike a conversation with him again. These messages earned me a nice block from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat.

My only method of contact would now be email, so night after night instead of stalking Students of the World for new pen pals, I would send Kris emails. I now began to understand that feeling that I caused upon Julia, who may or may not have been Julia. Throughout October and November, I received a few responses that sounded like an automatic email reply, but one email in mid-November stood out, as it was one of the last ones I would receive from him.

To: thisismyname@gmail.com From: thisiscoolfrenchboysnewemail@gmail.com

Hello Becca,

I did act stupid and didn’t answer your messages at all. When I emailed you first, I never thought our friendship would get that strong !

Guess what, there used to be a time I was really in love with you, but I haven’t dared say so … The one biggest reason was the 6000 km that stand between us ! You were the one I loved talking to ! So I talked to you and you never waited to answer and neither did I.

I don’t know, something went wrong, time changed, I’m sorry I haven’t answered you for long, this is all my bad. I wish I could go back to past to fix this.

This message will never ever be able to patch things up, but it (I hope ) will tell you that I never forgot you .

My mother would tell me time and time again that any type of relationship separated by physical distance would never work. I had never believed her, but after receiving this email, I understood. Why had I ever believed that the perfect friendship would be through time differences of at least five hours? These relationships do not automatically create a barrier of trust, often making it even harder to trust. There are always going to be worries about who that person is and what their intentions are. There is no safety net to keep you from being hurt or feeling pain. Once there is a roadblock within your barrier of communication, you cannot simply get it back after running into each other at Walmart or flashing them a fake smile as you pass them in the hallway at school. As soon as one person blocks the other or the number of unread emails increases substantially over months, that person is gone forever.

[scigebabadook]

cisfemale — ever hear people say SAIGE BORDEAUX looks a lot like LIANA LIBERATO? I think SHE is about 20, so it doesn’t really work. The LINGUISTICS + CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGY major is a SOPHOMORE that is from ALL OVER THE PLACE. They can be BLITHE, but they can also be EVASIVE. I think SAIGE might be a SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( snot goblin. 20. EST. she/they. )

hello ,,, it seems i am a sheep and Refuse to leave the herd. aka i love u all so frickin’ much ,,, and w/o further ado, here is saige !! pleathe LIKE this so i can shimmy into yr ims !!

TW: drug use, alcoholism, implied abuse ? shitty parents at the very least, addiction

a e s t h e t i c s

stick n’ pokes at 2am – when your drunk and giggling too much in between purposeful stabs, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk because they’re bad luck and they’ll break your mother’s back – even if your mother doesn’t love you, because you love her, the familiar riff in an old song – one that’s got you strumming along silently; there is no guitar, only empty air lit by the christmas lights you haven’t taken down. it’s may. swallowing down shots, and by default, swallowing down problems. laughing quick, easily, constantly. skinned knees from skateboarding, despite being rubbish at it. wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones, glitter sticking, running into the ocean at sunrise; feeling at home. excuses, and the many forms they come in. telling people you love them through hand squeezes and fresh muffins, sideways glances and soft, eager grins.

general info !!

full name: saige alouette bordeaux

nickname(s): n/a so give her some uwu

b.o.d. - july 7th, 20 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: firstly when aren’t my babies bi as FUCK but she also prefers masc-presenting folks

pinterest

stats

biography !!

the fallible daughter of two very infallible people: robert bordeaux, US lieutenant general, and manon levesque, world renown fashion designer. both calculating, cold, and purposeful.

saige never believed she was created out of love. it was an action with a purpose, intentions to create the perfect child. the hybrid of both military genius and fashion extraordinaire, molded to their will.

it took them no more than six months after her birth for her parents to up and move, thus beginning the cycle of packing and unpacking, flying and driving, state-to-state and country-to-country. the longest saige had ever stayed in one place was two years.

kept on a short leash, homeschooled, and learning skills she had no interest in – she was more like a pet, a project, than a child. the world moved all around her, but she felt restrictively tethered to her parents.

she had always felt this way. a bird in a cage of thorns.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends – saige would be there one day, and gone the next. a ghost, a very visible ghost. even so, she tried her hardest.

running from bodyguards (nannies, in a sense. her father is a paranoid man) into festival crowds and climbing out of windows in the dark of night to swim in lakes with locals she’d meet only a few hours earlier – she absorbed as much of what she could get; this intense, undying love for a world she had always craved to see.

it was the start of something near dangerous – a phase that seemed to never end, rebellion coursing through her veins. a wild child in the making, unknowing of limits. the bad sort of crowd was the crowd she found herself landing, more often than not – introducing the sheltered girl to a world she hadn’t quite known existed

she ran away, briefly, at age fifteen with a man three years older than her – which nearly ended up in a tabloid magazine if it hadn’t been for her parents’ money. though the guilt of her parents’ disappointed weighed on her, the thrill fueled something much worse

from that point on, she became a problem child. from public intoxication to vandalism – it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could contain her.

boarding school was a small attempt to stop it – she got expelled.

she hadn’t intended to go to university, either – but, by some chance – and after a mysterious year-long disappearance from public eye during her eighteenth year of living, next thing she knew, she was a student at gifford university in a town she’d never been to before.

personality !!

bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s got so much fucking energy on her – she goes running every morning and every night and swims like every afternoon and she’s n e v e r tired ?? the personality of a coke bottle shaken up but like if the bottle could laugh.

tries her hardest to be the Happy Fun friend, y’know, the one who can hook you up w/ some sicccc shit b/c she befriended/possibly slept with her drug dealer and now she gets discounts.

like, generally, comes off as very confident of herself and fearless and, like, yes–reckless, but like a fun reckless, y’know ??

talks a l o t, could ramble for days, hand gestures and all.

if she wants to do something, she will do it and there’s not much you can do to stop her tbh. she’s very easy-going, very go-go-go, very…mischievous, y’know? even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kinda just have to let her do it or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and you’ll feel ?? this weird sense of guilt ?? which isn’t the Best thing but she’s not the best person either so dfghjh

a vegetarian !! meat makes her sick, like, physically.

uuuhh her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘y’knows’, y’know ??

i am like 99% sure she’s got adhd but she’s never been diagnosed with it b/c her parents suck with that stuff. her parents sort of suck in general.

like…she’s currently not on speaking terms with them. she’s not disowned…like, yet, but they haven’t said more than like five words to each other since saige was eighteen and it k i l l s her but they also send her a shit ton of money every month so.

owns like…four cars…..she has them all on campus…..she prolly isn’t suppose to…but she does…one of them’s a real sleek sports car, one is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like LED lights n shit, one is the same exact fucking car from the princess diaries b/c saige is obsessed w/ the movie. the other is like. a mini cooper probably.

a photographer, her walls are covered in photographs and art and taped-down plants and in general her room is very ?? cluttered ?? like it’s very home-y but god. she’s a mess. clothes everywhere. she’s probably got a pile of instruments and other miscellaneous hobbies on a chair in the corner that she hasn’t touched in a while

speaking of !! she has a bunch of random, like, skills ?? like knitting and sewing and cooking and three different forms of ballroom dancing, and she can definitely work a gun and a car engine except she goes thru interests so rapidly and is disinterested in most of the other ones b/c her parents forced like half of them onto her.

she plays bass guitar. she loves her bass guitar. she knows other instruments but the only ones she’ll really fidget with are her bass guitar and like, her violin. everything else she’s like ~okay~ at

got really obsessed with languages at a young age and started learning them ?? her mother is like. super french, like genuinely from france, so she already grew up speaking both english and french but she’s learnt others for the hell of it and she’s still learning like three other at the same time which is a MESS but she’s a mess so like can u blame her sdfghj

but like i said, she’s v e r y reckless. very much a party girl. she uses like…quite a few drugs, both socially and alone and frankly – she’s rarely sober.

a budding alcoholic because she’s convinced that without it she’ll be Miserable and Horrible to everybody because she’s a Horrible, Awful person who is the absolute Worse and if drinking vodka mixed in with 23 crystal lite packets helps with not thinking like that then she’ll do it no questions asked

its a problem she’s been developing since she was younger, only amplified by … the situation, that happened when she was eighteen.

is essentially wearing this mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness b/c she doesnt want people to think she’s doing Not Okay.

she loves so much. she loves everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either. if ur a shitty person/come off as an asshole then she’ll be more likely to be attracted to her b/c shes Always been like this. finds them super interesting which is ?? questionable ?? sometimes i want to just. knock some sense into her but y’know what…it’s fine we’re Fine

she gets around p frequently but is also the type of person who’ll like, try n maintain a positive, good friendship with whoever she sleeps with b/c the idea of having regrettable encounters is smth that Bothers her and she just pretty much refuses.

it’s honestly a bit of a problem ?? she blurs the lines between friendship and Something, Anything More too often and with too many people b/c she just. wants to be loved. but there is never enough !

she does stick n pokes !! a whole bunch !! let her give you one !! she can’t draw for shit but i mean, who cares, right ??

uuuhh her mom sends her like…prototypes of things she designs n shit that isn’t out yet and saige 100% always gives it away or it sits in her closet and essentially that is her go-to gift for birthdays or christmas or whenever she feels like it

there’s literally sm i could say about her but i’ll stop Here b/c it’s getting too long sksksksk

wanted connections !!

give me. a best friend. just somebody who sticks by her side even though she’s a Mess

like, a ride or die ?? is that the same as a best friend ?? idc i want both :)

and just in general, like, people she’s p close to ?? she’s really friendly and is the kind of girl who’d be really popular in high school but doesn’t care abt popularity n talks to literally Everybody like she’s known them all her life.

ESP if ur muse is a lil grumpier !! she will fuck their shit up, but like, in a friendship way.

party pals, where they don’t talk that much outside of parties but inside them ?? super close. glued to the hip. hold-your-hair-back kinda tight.

frenemies ?? fake friends ?? toxic pals ?? ppl using her for her money or like, sex, or something ?? anything ??

bad influences ?? who just encourage all of saige’s shit ??

good influences ?? who are like YOINK stop being an idiot.

a tutor b/c she’s like…she’s smart, okay, but she’s also really stupid LMAO. she’s rly bad at math and science. somebody help her.

hook ups ?? fwbs ?? that one, rare one-night-stand that went weird ??

exes ?? she’s sorta noncommittal so idk how long they would’ve dated but like sjdfkbo yolo ?? ex hook-ups too ??

…somebody who just. hates her. but she doesn’t realize bc she’s a big ol’ idiot. she thinks theyre pals !!

let her b a thorn in someone’s side, just like, an absolute annoyance LMAO

gimme an enemy, or like an ex-best friend where something happened between them n it ruined their friendship

i will take literally anything i dont know

she steals ur character’s mail ?? ur cat keeps escaping and she keeps letting them inside even tho she’s allergic ??

one of those friendships where theyre always bickering like an old married couple ?? but it’s Purely Platonic (or is it ??)

an off-and-on again that just. it’s not good for either of them b/c they keep enabling each other and then getting pissed off and it’s a Mess but ?? it’s so hard to stop.

the drug dealer she keeps sleeping with even though she can just ... pay for her shit. b/c it’s funner this way !

just ... people where their like ... relationship status is Blurred and it’s like, are they a thing? are they not? b/c she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to !

please. take her. give me connections.

[thereindeerlady]

This!!!

Please. Im begging you.

If my future children are ever like me in any way, i beg that we change this. I dont want them to grow up like me. I dont care how they look or how much they weigh as long as they are happy. I want them to be able to love and accept themselves for who thwy are. I want them to see fat people in normal roles. Fat cheerleaders who are beautiful and athletic and in shape (they exist, i went to middle school and high school with one. Shes one of my heroes). Pretty, popular girls who are smart and pageant queens and the talk of the town but chubby and and sweet and whatever else. Also, black girls who are fat, white girls, indian-american, Asian. Make it normal. Fat doesnt mean ugly. I find it hard to love myself when i have no reference to go off of. How do i love myself despite my fatness when my mom cant love herself despite her own? Same thing with one of my sisters. Dumplin' had the potential for a good start but the characterization ended up being kinda trash. Because she was so bitter and toxic to her friends. Also!!! A quote from Deadpool 2 I think about every day. "Whens the last time you heard of a fat superhero?" Give us princesses, superheroes, popular girls, geeky gamer girls, female atheletes, female body builders!!!, homecoming queens, pageant girls, swimmers. Make them fat. Make them average or normal or anything. And then never talk about them being fat. Dont make it a miracle that they're beautiful or athletic or popular because theyre fat. Or a girl. Let them be normal people.

Im a fat girl. Have been for a long time, didnt become conscious of it til about 4th grade. I was 9 years old when i first started disliking myself. Thats over half of my life of me not liking who i am. Or what i look like. But i still played softball for 11 years, i still swam competitively for 4 or 5, played basketball for about 8 to 10, played soccor for about 5 or 6, marched all four year of high school holding a 12 pound hunk of metal, moving as fast as the drum major's hands demanded me too as far across the field as the form required. I put in hundreds of hours in the hot southern sun running the same sets over and over and over again while my lungs screamed and my instrument fought for that balance of good tone, good volume, and good air support. Then i rode countless hours on a bus just to do it all over again. I learned to dance and spin flag for winterguard. I threw my body across the ground and left it on display while i danced in front of crowds. A body i hated. I've learned at least 6 different instruments and I'm working on another. I waitress and try not to focus so hard on how i walk and how dumb my stomach looks in my apron. I wear scrubs as a school uniform for cosmetology and pray i don't look as dumb as I think. When i was younger, i lead my Math Masters and my Mathelete teams to victory for elementary and middle school. I helped lead my middle school Battle of the Books team to placing (even if it was only 3rd) for the first time since my sisters had done that about 8 to 10 years prior (same school, same librarian). I lead my high school Battle of the Books team to be the first ever champions in our area in our state. I got to be a part of the launch of a whole new league of competitive readers in high school. I found myself in many leadership positions, in many secretary type positions for classes and clubs. I was friends with nerds and outcasts and quiet kids and even the homecoming queen (literally). Half the popular kids were in chorus and another several were in theatre. Another section of them populated my AP and Honors classes. I also went outside of my comfort zone and lived one of my dreams: i participated in my high school pageant as a senior. I didnt win by any means but I was voted Miss Congeniality by the other girls. I think it was almost unanimous. Im talking girls who are best friends and cousins and popular and pretty and kind and they all voted me. Not out of pity because they arent that kind. But because that was their genuine opinion of me.

So you know what. I dont need every fat girl to win the awards. She doesnt have to be the beauty queen every time. She doesnt have to be the star player. I want her to be like me sometimes. The one who wins Miss Congeniality, not from pity but because she deserves it. The one who wins MVP for softball not because shes coach's favorite but because shes the hardest worker and the most versatile on the team. The one who's given the responsibility and leadership in band not necause the band director likes her the best but because she worked hard for it and proved she could handle it. Fat girls are not lazy. They are not worthless or mean or bad people. They can be behind the scenes heroes and some of the hardest working people you'll ever know.

This all applies to the boys and enbies too. Fat people are just people and it would be nice if Hollywood would stop taking the few representatives of that in media and bullying them into losing an ungodly and unhealthy amount of weight.

So

Sorry. Rant over.

cast fat people in normal roles that do not revolve around being fat/ridiculed, I dare you

[littlefallenrebel]

My love and feels for Skz 🌹🖤

I was tagged by my dear @pikachulein (thank you for doing that btw) to do a post about my feels for Skz so here it is! 

I’m just gonna say that this post is probably a bit cringy and makes zero sense because I have a hard time putting my feelings/thoughts into words :p Also... this ended up being.......1,2k+ words long, whoops 😌

Woojin:

I see Woojin as an older brother he’s 3 years older than me so there we go even tho it’s not that much, anyway so with him it’s definitely brotherly and sibling-like love. It would be awesome to have him as my older brother can i swap my annoying bro with him please and I feel like he would be someone who I can rant about stuff and ask advice. Since he’s also super loving towards his members and takes care of them, I can sort of relate to that since I’m lowkey the mom-friend in my friend group. He’s such a sweetheart and I’m so soft ;-;

Bang Chan:

Ah, it’s mister ”here to wreck your bias list once again”. Chan is probably the one who confuses me the most, I mean he’s my bias but at the same time he’s my bias wrecker and I really don’t know how I feel about him?? I just feel drawn and very attracted to him. But despite being attracted to him, I seriously admire and respect Chan a lot. To me, he’s such an inspirational person and I would love to spend time with him talking about lyrics meanings and deep things. I think we're both that sort of people who sometimes think about stuff too deeply and maybe stress over small things. He's still so young and has a lot on his shoulders and i just sjdhsh. I would probably say my love for Chan is intellectual/magnetical type of love.

Lee Know:

Ohlord it’s the pisces+scorpio duo  with minho it’s definitely the best friends/playful type of love, absolutely. I feel like if we two were best friends we would be that super salty duo who throws shade at everyone. Minho is someone who I would love to just hang out with and share some hot tea ☕ about stuff. Also, I feel like minho would appreciate my super bad jokes and puns no one ever likes my puns and i bet my friends are ashamed of me lmao and we could throw awful pickup lines at each other. I would love to just go on a random shopping spree with him or mess around in a park in the middle of the night. Where do I get a best friend like minho?

Hyunjin:

Another sweet child o’ mine, my fellow Pisces son. I relate to Hyunjin a lot on an emotional level since I feel like we’re both emotionally sensitive so I’ll say I have this similar people/affectionate type of love towards him. I want to watch those overly sappy and cheesy movies/dramas with and cry together when something bad happens. Also, you know that face he does when he thinks his face is bloated?? I swear to god I do that exact same face 24/7. he's an affectionate person imo so i think he would make a nice hug/cuddle buddy, heh. and we both have a thing for weird noises too Hyunjin is probably the member who I relate the most to and he’s sometimes such a mood.

Han:

oof, the ultimate bias wrecker. My love for Jisung is probably the affectionate kind of love and he is another member, who I admire.  Jisung is quite deep and poetic person in my opinion and I’d love to discuss and write lyrics with him. I adore his positive and goofy personality and his shenanigans always make me giggle and lift up my mood. I sometimes just get distracted by him and then I find myself thinking “what an adorable bean you are”. He’s such a kind-hearted and sweet person, I just want to squish his cheeks and ruffle his hair. But sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really feel that confident about himself, so I would want to just comfort and support him. I want him to know he’s doing well, that he’s talented and he’s more than just the mood-maker of the group. I just want to cheer him up with my very shitty jokes and drag him to the nearest arcade. Yeah, I just want to be friends with Jisung and have a blast.

Felix:

Felix, my sweet sunshine baby boi, a precious puppy with a deep ancient God voice, I love him so much i might cry. Felix was my first skz bias and is now my second bias, so I do have a sort of special soft spot for him. I would say my love for him is a mix of affectionate and pure love. Felix is such a soft sweetheart and pure, I just want to hold and cuddle him. Like?? i just can’t imagine anything bad or nasty about him??? that boy just radiates sunshine and happiness ;_; Like I would just love to play video games and make goddamn vine references with him, that would be life.

Seungmin:

With Seungmin it’s friendship like love. I just see him as a good friend who I would have a blast hanging out with I lowkey wanna have a roast battle with him, don’t ask why i just do also, as a fellow myday, we two could just scream and fangirl about Day6 together lmao. me and seungmin singing more like screaming the lyrics to shoot me at 2am? sign me up. He’s such a cutie squish. Seungmin is kind of a mischievious person and he lowkey brings out the mischief in me too, so I kinda want to prank the other members with him lmao.

Jeongin:

Okay, Jeongin is not that much younger than me but he feels like a younger brother to me, so with him, it’s probably sibling-like love I would say. He’s so cute and precious and I just want to look after him and I’ll fight anyone who dares to corrupt this smol bean.  I also lowkey want to have that friendly, sibling rivalry -like relationship with him, idk why. I want to make sure he’s doing well and offer my help if he needs it. Jeongin is such a pure baby and his smile is worth fighting for.

baby boy culture uwu

*sigh*

now,

this next part is gonna be the cheesiest thing ever and probably a bit cringy so you've been warned. bear with me and my feels

Changbin:

oh my god, where do I even start with seo changbin. I'm sure everyone and their ancestors know that my love for him is definitely romantic/true type of love. That boy makes my heart burst and I'm just so damn whipped. im so sorry but i must expose myself and admit that there is some sexual love here too sometimes cuz boi i've had some rather heated thoughts/dreams with bin, anYWAY BACK TO BEING SOFT I love that we share the same kind of aesthetic with all the "i love dark" stuff and wearing mostly black, but then actually being the softest. Since we both have had the thought of becoming a tattoo artist, it would be so cool to draw and design tattoos together! andthengetacoupletattoo I would want to spend time with him at the studio, bring him food and make sure he doesn’t overwork himself and even though I don’t know much about making music but I would love to help him with writing lyrics too. I would support and hype him all the way and make sure he’s healthy. I want to make sure he’s eating and resting properly. Also! Since I love the height difference between me and Bin, I just want to give him all my hoodies to see how smol and soft he would look in them!!  I honestly just love everything he does, every little thing. His aegyo, his cute nose crunch, his adorable laugh, his smile,  his fierce stage presence,…. I could go on forever. I want him to know he’s doing well and I want to be there for him. I want to have those random, sleepy 3am conversations with and hold each other close. I want ruffle and run my hands through his hair and boop is cute nose. I want to share soft kisses with him and kiss that jaw goddamit. I just can't properly put it into words how much I love Changbin and how much he means to me. I could honestly just spend hours talking about him and he just makes me go all ajdhshswg. This got rly long and it's very cheesy and cringy sorry. I just love Seo Changbin with all my heart ♡

so yeah, here it is then. this post is a goddamn mess tbh but so am i so 🤷

[foxglovesound]

(feel free to mix the questions and the cats btw!) cuckoochirp, nightthroat, rosepaw, otterpaw, chubstream and 14, 18, 28, 50, 66, and legally i have to say 69 cos im gay

“69 cos im gay”

YOU

im doing all bc i AM bastard and love to chatter abt my bastard ocs

14. Do they have someone that they consider to be a family member, even if they’re not related to your character by blood? What was one of your character’s favourite moments with them, and what makes them so special to them?

CUCKOOCHIRP || hmmm let’s see….excluding his family (breamcloud, eveningscale, mintcloud, vervainstripe), then that would have to be Appleleaf, the ShadowClan seer! I’ve mentioned before that hazelnose was suffering from memory loss/degradation towards the mid/end of cuckoothroat’s apprenticeship and appleleaf was the one who stepped up and helped him with his training. Cuckoochirp came to both care about and admire appleleaf and they are always the first cat that cuckoochirp turns to when he needs advice or tips. They’re a very talented medicine cat and clever/crafty, which cuckoochirp also looks up to a lot; the duo developed a mentor-apprentice like relationship from early on and they’re both always excited to see each other. Cuckoochirps favorite moments with appleleaf were probably general training times! Appleleaf naturally couldnt just up and leave shadowclan for days, so theyd come by and visit or cuckoo would scamper on off to shadowclan for seer advice and lessons!  Cuckoochirp thinks of the times when they’d both walk around the territories and examine herbs and their uses very fondly! 

NIGHTTHROAT || OUGH OBVIOUS ANSWER BUT vervainstripe! Vervainstripe was the first friend nightthroat ever made in riverclan and i just dropped a little fic that touched up on their kind of dynamic just now but!!! Theyre very close and best friends, and nightthroats pretty much been absorbed into vervainstripes family because of how vervain as an apprentice would basically drag/invite night onto every endeavor or task at any opportunity he could!!!! Nightthroats favorite moments with vervainstripe would be their time alone when he and vervain would/do go out on walks. Vervain tends to ramble about a lot of things all at once and night might not believe in everything vervain chatters about he still listens fondly and endearingly bc he just loves it when his little buddy talks!Hes also pretty close with his apprentice shrewpaw! Theyre both rather mellow/logical cats and shrew actually went to night first about his gender issues and once he worked through it with nightthroat he went on to tell his family and the rest of his clan!

ROSEPAW || rosepaws got quite the growing amount of friends HA…besides his blood family in riverclan (hornetflower, beestorm and lightningface, honeystream), rosepaws closest to sootpaw, rookpaw and minkclaw! He used to be really close to swallowfang (his old windclan mentor) but after swallowfang helped orchestrate rosepaws escape from winclan (in secret) she had to drop contact with him in case yellow or gray go too suspicious. Besides that, rookpaw was one of rosepaws only friend in windclan (sycamorepaw/smokepaw/willowpaw were/are his friends but they were usually bustled away from contact with rosepaw bc the adults just. Wanted the kids to stay out of the drama). Rookpaw had been rosepaw’s best friend since their nursery days and when rosepaw was confined to the seer’s den, rookpaw would often worm his way into the den despite the disapproval of others and care for/curl around rosepaw (he’d bring him food and groom him as well). Rookpaw took a lot of care of rosepaw when he was still in windclan and he still keeps a good ear out for him now that rose is in riverclan!Now onto SOOTSY ROLL and MINKSTER….sootpaw was rosepaws first friend when he joined riverclan and as ive mentioned before they hit it off real quick due to their feelings of not having enough ties within riverclan! They quickly became best friends and, thanks to the fact that their mentors are also best friends, the duo practically do everything together in riverclan! Rose often drags soot along for things and soot makes sure that his dumb ass doesnt like, slam face first into a hive of bees (they have a very hornet-mink kind of friendship except soot can also be pretty reckless, but she’s grown a bit more hesitant/careful since the event with ashpaw happened). And mink/rose are obviously close because mink helped with rose’s rescue mission and now, as his mentor, the two spend a lot of time together. Rose has come to view mink in a very comforting position - almost like a better older sister or maybe even a mother figure (though he typically jokingly refers to hornetflower as mom). Theyre very attached to each other and care abt each other a lot!!!

OTTERPAW || once again excluding his blood relatives (lampreyface, shrewpaw, harrierpaw and cricketkit!), otterpaw is closest to hollypaw and chubstream! Ur gonna see a lot of really close-knit mentor/apprentice relationships in this story FHBDSHFD its rare to find a set who didnt like each other (i mean it happens but its just unusual)Hollypaw is otterpaws best friend since the nursery days as well, and although otterpaw is skilled at caring for kits and nursery issues, hollypaw is the one who steps up and takes care of otterpaw. Otter tends to be reckless when paired up with cats his age, and with his history with his father elmfoot, holly is quick to jump to otters defense in any time of need. In fact, it was hollypaw and sootpaw who were the ones who rescued otterpaw from his dad one day and holly literally fought elmfoot for otterpaw while soot ran off to get help. Theyre still super close and because of how close they are gorsefang is also on relatively good terms with otterpaw - they can be rather brunt and emotionally distant but theyve accepted otterpaw into their family as hollypaw’s best friend and gorse will get involved in trouble if it means protecting their son and his best friend from danger!Chubstream is also naturally close to otterpaw because chub is his mentor! Chub was ecstatic when otterpaw came to caretaking and was assigned as his apprentice and chub is a very encouraging and sweet figure in otterpaws life!Also of course rosepaw and otterpaw are growing closer but theyre not like family close lol theyre just good fwiends

CHUBSTREAM || CHUBBY BUBBY… i mentioned earlier that otterpaw/chubstream are close of course so besides that and his blood relatives (briarflower, minkclaw), chubstream is particularly tight with craneheart and even gorsefang, surprisingly! I mentioned earlier (again audhfusidf) that gorsefang had good terms with otterpaw, and as both chub + gorse are caretakers they found themselves hanging out more and more as otterpaws training went on. Chub however has always been pretty close with craneheart, and he was particularly involved in sootkit’s (and ashkit’s) nursery days when they were brought to riverclan. The three are good friends and although gorsefang comes off a little distant, they all care abt each other nonetheless

18.  Does your character believe the ends justify the means? No matter who they have to step on to reach their goals?

CUCKOOCHIRP || nnnnnnnnno honestly. Cuckoo is very empathetic and the idea of hurting others or stepping on others reaaaally doesnt sit right with him. He doesnt agree that the ends justify the means especially if youre hurting, damaging or even killing someone in the process and this is one of the few things that can land you in permanent hot water with mr cuckoochirp 

NIGHTTHROAT || hmm this one i gotta think about. I think nightthroat would agree with this but there’d have to be a limit? Of course he doesnt agree with getting others hurt bc huoy but he also doesn’t like the idea of being stagnant just because ur afraid of confrontation. Hes good at speech and talking and if theres something that needs to get done he’d rather talk it out or talk out a way that doesn’t end up hurting anyone emotionally/mentally or physically - but he does understand the idea in the most extreme circumstances.

ROSEPAW || another toughy! Rose doesnt agree with hurting others but hes okay with playing with peoples feelings and hes known to flirt and be cutesy/pretty when he wants something (hornetflower has given a lecture or too bc sometimes rose will try to flirt with an apprentice in another clan to will them to give him their most recent fresh catch lmao) but he doesnt agree with it if its like. Physically or extremely damaging, you know? In minor cases hes okay with it and even does it but in the grand scheme hes not fond of it lol

OTTERPAW || also a BIG no like cuckoochirp! Otter dealt with a lot of horrible shit from his father that could be boiled down to “the end (making otterpaw stronger for survival) justified the means (abusing him)” so he doesnt agree with it at all. However hes not exactly the most caring of others? He cares a lot about kits in the nursery and works well with them, but cats his age and older he can come off as kinda stand-offish and when it comes to drama like someone getting hurt by another persons path, he tends to stay out of it

CHUBSTREAM || another no! Chubs empathetic like cuckoo and he actively will get pissed at you if you hurt someone just because they were in the way of what you wanted. Hes not easy to anger but this will be something that really pisses him off

28.  When your character was younger, how did they picture themselves growing up? Does it differ from how they really turned out?Leaving otter and rose outta this one bc they are still….relatively young lol theyre only about 10 - 11 moons currently

CUCKOOCHIRP || cuckoo had a lot of self esteem issues growing up. He wasnt bad at training as a warrior, but he wasnt happy and it wasnt sitting with him so around them he probably pictured his grown up self as just. Another face in the crowd? Nothing special or important - when he went into seer training, his mood brightened a lot but his moods take major dips after losses, especially after the loss of robinstream and hazelnose. then , his future self would switch based on his mood: sometimes he pictured himself as well liked and a crafty seer who went down in history with a positive note, or on bad days he imagined he’d end up as a disaster seer that ran riverclan into the ground. Nowadays hes a good seer - he’s good at his job and he’s great at making friends and alliances, and pretty popular amongst the population of the season change setting!

NIGHTTHROAT || nightthroat when he was a kid probably didnt see his future self as..even existing. His mother constantly told him how hard life was and he trained under her strictly learning how to survive - his mother had lost litters before due to inexperience and by the time she had night, her biggest focus was making sure he had learned enough to survive. Any idea of his future self that night had wouldve boiled down to either being dead due to external forces or a hardened rogue living on his own, and rather lonely. However he joined riverclan and now he’s got friends that he loves and cares for deeply and his life isnt nearly as hardened or lonely as he initially imagined it would be

CHUBSTREAM || pretty cut and dry! He imagined he’d live a long happy life with his mother and sister in riverclan, and he’s growing up that path right now! He’s very content in life and with the place he’s at right now

50.  What’s their earliest memory?

CUCKOOCHIRP || goofing off with his siblings in the nursery den as his mothers watched on fondly 

NIGHTTHROAT || hiding out with his mom underneath a man-made object from the rain, seeking shelter until the storm passed and his mom would take him out onto a hunting trip

ROSEPAW || wrestling or playing a game with rook while his older siblings campionfang and thriftfoot watched on, occasionally dipping in with their own game for the two kits - he’d rarely see his father or yellowtail, but at least he had those three.

OTTERPAW || squashed beneath harrierkit as he tried to get away from a bath session lampreyface demanded, before wriggling out from underneath his older brother and shuffling next to shrewkit, safely wrapped up in lampreyface’s thick-furred, warm tail

CHUBSTREAM || minkkit nibbling on his ear in the middle of the night, only to get shushed in frustration by his very-tired mother because dammit minkkit stop trying to wrestle chubkit and go to sleep!

66.  If they were free to do anything, be it cruel, kind, or otherwise, without fear of repercussions, what is it that your character would do?

CUCKOOCHIRP || wander freely between other clan territory! He may be allowed to venture into shadowclan’s territory since shadowclan and riverclan are on good terms (and b/c apple and cuckoo are close), but windclan and thunderclan warriors wouldnt take kindly to cuckoochirp stepping over their border boundaries willy-nilly 

NIGHTTHROAT || talk about his own emotions without fear of how others would reject or react to him - maybe even ask someone specific out on a date. He’s a good mediator and he’s great at debating + speech but he rarely opens up about his own feelings

ROSEPAW || meet up with his friends whenever he pleased. He doesnt really care about borders as much, and he’d love to be able to cross and visit his friends in their camps whenever he wanted to!

OTTERPAW || word………………..probably just have a night to himself away from the camp? Or maybe just him and the cats close to him? Sometimes being in a large group gets overwhelming and he just wants to take it slow for a day

CHUBSTREAM || this isnt really a whole “fear of repercussions” thing but chub would love to raise a kitten/litter of kittens who viewed him as his dad one day but the opportunity hasn’t showed up yet. He wants 2 be a dad yo

69.  Do they enjoy facing their fears? CAN they face their fears? If not, what do they do in a situation where they’re forced to face them?

CUCKOOCHIRP || huoy……cuckoo definitely doesn’t enjoy facing his fears but he can do it. He can even stand up to someone who’s terrified him - and he will which you guys will see happen in action eventually on. He has his own ways of standing up for himself/for others and being defiant against what he’s scared of

NIGHTTHROAT || :)………………he deals with a great big fear in the comic and you’ll just have to wait and see how he handles that huh ;)))

ROSEPAW || nooOOOoooo he won’t even go near windclan territory because he’s scared of it. He’d rather chase his own thrills or what he’s comfortable with rather than deal with whatever petrifies him the most. He’d probably lash out and grow aggressive if placed into a situation where he had to face those kind of fears/trauma

OTTERPAW || another great big no to both! Otter has developed a severe fear of water/being in water due to his father, so he stays away from venturing into water. He grows sick/queasy when he’s so much as paw deep in water and often crosses the territory via dry spots. He relies on hollypaw heavily when he’s scared and he would panic and flounder if dropped into the water randomly 

CHUBSTREAM || i think chub could face his fears - he’s deeply worried about losing those he loves, especially with how close he came to losing minkclaw when she was injured by that fox as an apprentice. However if he ever did lose someone he was close to, he’d grieve but he would move on, eventually. Life goes on

[ellisstark]

Devil Twins

note: this is a long one shot. it was originally going to be an actual story but i decided not to do that, so now it’s a long one shot. I also want to give credit to @asteriakace on wattpad for creating this amazing spacer (above). please go check out her stuff on there she is an amazing writer and if you are a writer and are looking for book covers or spacers hit her up cause she’s AMAZING.

reader x han

reader x jeongin (twins)

word count: 1787

summary: You and your twin brother, Jeongin have always been close, that is until you fall for one of his band mates, Hyungjin. Jeongin later tells Hyungjin, and you find yourself being rejected by the one guy you never thought would reject you, but lucky for you, an unexpected person walks into your life to pull you back into reality.

gif creds: @realstraykids

“Y/n!!” your younger brother yelled as he ran up the stairs to your room.

“We’re going to be late, hurry up!”

“okay okay i’m up” you said as he turned on his heel running back through your bedroom door. you hopped out of bed and headed to your closet. Today’s going to be a grunge kinda day, so you throw on a pair of black skinny jeans, a white long sleeve shirt with your favorite oversized t-shirt over it. you brushed your hair, put on your make up and ran out the door grabbing breakfast on your way out. 

“ you ready for your math test today?” you said to jeongin

“yeah i stayed up ‘til 3 this morning studying. I swear my teacher can’t teach for shit” he replied.

“i see, well i’m sure you will do great! also there is a new band playing tonight in someone’s garage and i kinda want to go check it out, wanna come with?”

“ uhhhh i can’t i have... um... history to do. we have a big project due next week and i haven’t started yet, sorry y/n you go ahead though” he said with a shaky hestitant voice.

“ okay well i’ll tell you all about it when i get home” you said as you pulled into your schools parking lot.

“ have a good day okay? don’t stress you’re going to do great!” you said as you have your brother a hug.

“thanks y/n” he said and ran off through the doors and disappeared from your view.

you got out of the car grabbed your backpack and strolled up to the school when all of a sudden you collided with something. “Y/N!! why didn’t you text me???” screamed your best friend.

“i’m sorry astrid. i was busy all weekend. by the way wanna come with me to a garage concert tonight? i heard a new boy band would be playing and i wanted to check it out.”

“ omg hell yeah i would!”

“sweet, i’ll meet you after school by the car”

you waved goodbye to your friend and walked into your first class of the day, english.

the day went by really slow, but you made it through and before you knew it you were waiting by your car for your friend.

“y/n!! i’m sorry my math teacher held me back to talk about our last test, but we good now so let’s go!!”

you nodded and walked to the drivers side sliding into the seat and sped away.

when you arrived it looked like the band had already started playing, but there weren’t a ton of people there yet so you and your friend were able to get good spots.

when you first walked into the garage you couldn’t really see the faces of the members, but when you got closer you realized one of the vocalists was your brother.

“jeongin???” you said nearly screaming.

you and your brother made direct eye contact. his eyes widened when he saw you but continued to perform as if you weren’t there.

when they were finished, jeongin immediately ran up to you and started apologizing for lying to you, but you were too shocked to even care.

“oh by the way, y/n this is my friend hyunjin, he’s one of our dancers. i thought maybe since you were getting into dancing he could give you some tips about it.”

you looked up and saw the most attractive person you had ever saw right in front of your face.

“hi i’m hyunjin. let me know when you want to practice together.” he said holding out his hand

“ uh... i’m y/n” you said grabbing his hand 

“haha nice to meet you y/n” and before you knew it he was gone. 

“y/n? earth to y/n” said your brother waving a hand in front of your face.

“huh what??”

“ you zoned out”

“oh sorry. i’m just so surprised i never thought you of all people would be in a band.” you said turning to face your brother. there were times in your life where you never understood what your brother was thinking, but this time you wouldn’t question it because you realized while you were watching him perform, he was genuinely happy and you didn’t want that to be ruined.

“i’m so proud of you innie!” you said hugging your brother from behind catching him off guard. you could feel him tense up, but he soon relaxed and laid his hands on yours.

“Thanks, y/n that means the world to me” he said as he walked away to go talk to his band mates.

it has now been three days since you saw your brother perform, and the one thing you can’t get out of your head is hyunjin. You decide to shoot him a text asking if he wanted to practice after school, he replied within seconds confirming the time and the place. your heart jumped a little when he replied, you think you are slowly falling for Hwang Hyunjin. 

“you are what??” your brother yelled later that night when you got home from practice. you were on the phone with your best friend spilling the tea about Hyunjin just as your brother was walking by. he overheard and burst into your room. 

“please tell me you didn’t just say what i thought you said?”

“astrid i gotta go. innie it’s not what you think. i know we only met last week but he and i have gotten closer through dance and i think i like him. like a lot.”

“you can’t like hyunjin. he’s my best friend and i know for a fact he doesn’t like you beacuse he has a girlfriend” jeongin replied furiously

“I dont believe you innie. if that was true im positive hyunjin would have told me already.”

“fine if you don’t believe me ask him yourslef.” he said in a very irritated tone and stormed out of your room

“fine, i will” you said. you picked up your phone and texted Hyunjin.

y/n: what are you doing rn

Hyunjin: nothing why?

y/n: meet me at the studio in 10

and with that you ran our of your room, down the stairs and out the door before your parents could say anything to stop you. driving to the studio was nerve racking. your heart rate continued to increase as the minutes went by with thoughts and feelings rushing through your head. when you arrived at the studio you saw hyunjins car already parked in it’s normal spot, so you parked next to it and walked inside.

when you saw hyunjin sitting in the studio your whole body started to shake.

hyunjin saw you and turned his body to face you looking you up and down

“y/n... what’s wrong” he asked concerned due to the fact that your whole body was shaking rapidly

“i... uh... i like you hyunjin” your voice shaky and your palms filled with sweat 

“oh y/n. I have a girlfriend, im sorry i didn’t mean for this to happen i thought this was strictly professional as we are dancers. im sorry again. also, will you lock the door on your way out? thanks” and with that hwang hyunjin walked right past you before you could say anything and was out the door in a matter of seconds. 

what...

your mind was racing. innie was right. as you started to try and process what just happened you could feel your eyes start to fill up with tears. you knew you couldn’t drive home, so you decided to just stay at the studio until you felt like you could face your brother.

who knows how long you were there, seconds, minutes, hours, but you knew you still weren’t ready to go home. you had many unread messages from your parents and 2 unread messages from jeongin probably just saying ‘respond to mom and dad’ or ‘i told you so, so come home you’re worrying mom and dad’. you threw your phone away from you and fell back onto the hard wood floor, slowly letting your eyes close, not knowing when you would get up, but in that moment nothing mattered to you besides escaping into a deep sleep.

“hey. hello? are you alright?” 

you woke to someone poking your arm. you looked up and saw a boy around your age looking down at you. you couldn’t look away, it’s like his eyes were pulling you in.

“what’s your name?”

“y/n. where am i?”

“you’re at the dance studio, what happened? are you alright? your eyes are all red and your face is swollen”

“oh yeah im okay i just--” 

before you could finish your sentence your memory started to return and you remembered what had just happened a few hours ago. you started to feel the tears swell up again, and before you could do anything they started to fall down your face one by one.

“oh my. uh y/n are you alright?”

“no”

after you said that one word you felt the warmth of this strangers arms around you. you felt protected and safe inside his arms, slowly leaning into it. you felt bad for getting his shirt all wet, but you knew this wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

after about 10 minutes of sitting with this mystery man, the tears slowly started to stop.

“y/n did you drive here?” he asked

you nodded your head in response 

“let me take you home, okay”

“okay” you said quietly giving him the keys to your car. 

he stood up and held out a hand for you and helped you up to your feet. he walked with you to your car hand in hand. once you got to the car he opened the passenger side for you and motioned you to slide into the car. you did just that and buckled your seatbelt. he soon joined you as he slid into the drivers seat.

“oh by the way, my name is Han Jisung, but you can just call me Han cause i have a feeling you and i will be seeing each other more often”  

when you got through the front door of your house and walked into your room closing the door behind you, you slid down it and clenched your first around your shirt. something didn’t feel right, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. after your encounter with Han, something inside you changed.

your heart leapt for the first time

and in that moment 

you knew Han was going to be with you forever

as it occurred to you 

that in your moment of heart break

you found your true soulmate

author note: thank you for reading this awful story. this is my first story on tumblr, but i hope you enjoyed it. My masterlist will soon be posted with more short stories for each member of stray kids along with some other stories for other bands.

[arisalty]

i’ve been here the whole time singing you a song

This one-shot was made for @notveryglittery , whose birthday is today, so Happy Birthday!

Tbh I planned the basic outline and wasn't even going to introduce quite a few characters but I did and I went with it - I hope yall like it :) As this is my first time writing Royality, any constructive criticism is accepted!

lowkey want to plan something else for this now but also don't want to set another target just yet as im a bit busy and dont wanna overload myself :/ yikes oh well

Dani, Happy Birthday! Enjoy this Royality!

AO3

Word count: 

Roman had noticed a few things lately. One at the forefront of his mind was that Patton Heart was really fucking adorable.

Of course, nobody could know of this. If anyone of his friends found out he would be screwed.

Yes, his whole friend group were gay (or ace, or bi, or pan or nonbinary) disasters, but they were also incredibly good wing-people, with a high rate of getting two people dating -- and Roman didn’t want to ruin the naturalness of their friendship.

And worse he couldn’t let anyone know that The Emperor had a crush. And by extension, that meant that he couldn’t allow his crime-fighting partner (and asshat of an older brother) to find out; Virgil’s tongue was always looser when donned with the costume of Poison Shadow. And the city would be in an uproar of the thought of The Emperor liking someone romantically- and if it ever got out who it was, it would put Patton in serious danger.

But Roman couldn’t help but notice the little smiles Patton gets when talking about some of the animals in the shelter he volunteered at, or the ways his eyes light up when he gushed about the heroes of the city.

The way his open gaze instilled a feeling of trust.

And dear lord it was not helping the gay mess that was Roman Kingston.

“Alright, shithead, what’s up with you?”

“I tell you and I’m doomed you insolent sloth.” The owner of the monotonous voice shot a glance at the prying sibling.

“Right. That’s really fucking useful to know.” Dripping sarcasm; the asshat was not only prying but also getting annoyed now! Yay!

“Oh, piss off. Let me be a disaster in peace.”

The elder stood, shaking his head, before walking to the other edge of the rooftop they were perched on.

“Hurry up! Today is a sparring day.” Virgil, seeing Roman making no attempt to move, pushed forward with his mind, pushing the darkest shadows up until they were able to slap Roman across the face. “Come on, idiot. The night isn’t gonna last forever!”

Grumbling, the man in his late teens stood from his position on the edge of the rooftop, reluctantly turning at the end of the roof, with sarcastic jazz hands at his sides.

And just like that, they were sparring. Virgil completely flattened The Emperor in 3 separate rounds before some sense seemed to be knocked into the dramatic hero’s head. The furious flashes of light and dark clashed throughout the area, silent except the heavy breathing of the men, and the jibes thrown between the space between them.

It was another while before they were tired, as their sparring took place at least twice a week- they needed to stay in shape even over their sports and workouts.

Roman sat on the edge of the rooftop next to his brother, slowly regaining his breath.

When the villain attacked, it was not appreciated by the two teens. They were tired and generally unwilling to have to use their already exhausted powers. Their fighting was lacklustre and they took any moment they could to stop and perch off railings or on rooftops.

Flashes of light across the night were brief but would warp the situation, allowing shadows, viscous as ink moved away in slow patterns, stalking the villain until finding it’s perfect time to strike, pushing the villain backwards, dragging them forwards then dropping them off the edge of the building.

Yet the villain didn’t waver in power. At a mere flick of fingers, the Emperor fell backwards, barely left any time to make a platform for him to stagger onto.

How were they going to get this person then?

“What does your immoral soul bother us with, foul villain?”

“Oh, nothing really. I was just bored, so I decided to mess around with these powers I earnt the other day.”

The pale blue light of the moon offset by the warmer glow from the Emperor's hand gave enough light to see fangs flash under the mask that covered the upper half of their face.

“Why set about destroying the city, fuckwad? Why not just, I don’t know, sleep, like a normal person?”

“Ew, no, sleep? That drains me more. Plus, don’t we all need to have a little bit of chaos in our lives?”

Roman could feel the eyes rolling in his elder’s head.

“What the fuck about us two says put together, dipshit? We’re fucking disasters!”

“My fair partner has a valid point. We are fucking disasters ,” Roman eyed the inky lattice forming under the villain's feet for a second before he continued. “We’re both messes of human beings in general- have you seen his room, it's an atrocity - and my room has far too much stuff that I am far too attached to get rid of. Then there's the point that we’re both doing this along with studying for school which in itself drains your energy and the final point is, well,”—the smirk thrown his way by Poison Shadow was all he needed—”We really aren’t all that dumb.”

Poison Shadow ripped his fist upwards, the shadowed lattice folding and bending around the villain, as the Emperor reached out and began to set the still fluid shadows. The cage kept the villain in, and finally, the villain showed some kind of emotion; fear radiated from their composure; arms wrapped around their torso, fist fiddling with their cloak edge, shoulders up to their ears.

Roman pitied the now much smaller opponent. Ego and expectations of power high in their mind with newfound strength ruled their minds. The Emperor turned away, patting Poison Shadow on the back as went after he silently checked his brother was okay with dealing with him.

As he crossed the bridged gap between buildings, he heard his brother’s cry, and then he felt himself flying backwards over buildings, body limp as a rag doll as his brain tried to comprehend which was up or down or the sky or ground. Once he finally stopped moving, he found himself winded and bruised and somehow not broken- though he felt it- on a balcony. With a very familiar curious face peering down at him.

Patton. Fucking. Heart.

It was his luck, wasn’t it? He’d get thrown about like an unused toy to be left in his worst state on the balcony of one of his favourite people in the world.

“Oh my goodness, are you all right? Is anything broken? Do you need some water, food, comfort?” The stream of babble poured from Patton, his pale blue eyes wide with worry, both searching his body to analyse for damage and keeping eye contact to calm the disorientated hero.

Thank goodness these powers strengthen my bones and skin.

“Uhm… I think… I’ll be,” The Emperor was interrupted by a fit of coughing, which he dealt with but rolling onto his front and slowly making his way to his knees. “Actually, could I, uh, have a glass of water.”

Patton nodded earnestly, and even through the lingering dizziness pounding in his mind, Roman could make out the curls of Patton’s hair reflecting the cool blue of the moon. The smaller figure retreated into the building, just as Roman felt a buzz in his pocket.

Pulling out the smartphone, he huffed at the once again smashed screen to read the text he received.

Very Early Womb-mate - 11:35

-- sorry dude didnt see that coming

-- dick had us fooled into thinkin he was subdued

--you went flying tho, it was kinda hilarious

-- i got it handled, he’s trapped until police arrive

Me - 11:38

--oh ok

Very Early Womb-mate - 11:39

-- u ok? Or do i need to pick u up

Me - 11:40

-- nah it’s cool i landed on a classmates balcony, just a bit dizzy

Very Early Womb-mate - 11:40

-- cool, dickwad, dont reveal anything

Me - 11:40

-- bold of you to assume i would

-- k byeeee xxx :)))))

Very Early Womb-mate - 11:41

-- :/

Patton returned, carrying the glass.

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back, my parents were wondering what happened and I figured you didn't want to be crowded so I just made up a lie and then they got me to do a quick job and uh— here.”

Roman took the drink, downing as much of it as he could, before stopping to try and stand.

“Tough villain, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess. I was knocked back ‘cos I was caught off guard. I thought Poison had got them - he was inside a huge cage, you see - so when he lashed out again after being subdued it surprised us.”

Roman looked over the city wistfully. The sky was clear and the air was fresh, with little to no breeze. Roman took this time to notice that Patton was wearing only his pyjamas and a zip hoodie thrown over the top.

“Do you need to help Poison Shadow then? It looked like you were thrown far.”

“Nah, Patton, he sent a few texts to say he handled it.”

Patton nodded in understanding, before cocking his head sideways.

“Wait, you know me?”

Shit.

Roman ran through his words and cursed at his loose mouth.

“Uh, oh yeah,” Roman coughed out, scratching at his neck, unconsciously picking at the skin. “You, uh, go to the same school as me. We’re in the same year, actually.”

You’re oversharing! The voice of his brother rang out in his head.

“Wait, really?”

God, Roman absolutely adored the way Patton’s eyes lit up, the tiny specks of green almost glowing in the natural light around them. Anything else and Roman might actually die on the spot. He just thanked his younger-little-dramatic-shit self and wanted to hide his and Virge’s faces from the world - at least Patton wouldn't be able to see his glowing red face.

“That’s so cool! I could tell you were a teen, I didn’t realise you were like, that close to me!” Patton waved his hands about excitedly, and that’s it. Roman felt like he was melting into a puddle. His friend was so cute, and he just wanted to hold Patton to his chest and treasure him and spoil him with cakes and serenades and movie nights.

Roman somehow managed to keep talking for a while, but he was going to go insane soon. He just wanted to give Patton a hug, goddamnit !

They were shook from their conversation by the door opening to reveal Declan Heart, whose eyes flew open at the visitor Patton apparently had.

“Oh my god, Logan, come out here,” he hissed out of the side of his mouth, mismatching eyes darting from the sheepish look on Patton's face to the city known hero on his house’s balcony.

When Declan’s twin cast appeared in the doorway, Patton waved, somewhat cheery, opposed to Roman’s more fidgety behaviour, his skin prickling under the gazes of the two older twins. He had only met Logan on one occasion, and he was intimidated, to say the least.  

“Suprise!” Patton giggled, with jazz hands waving at his brothers, very different from the delivery Virgil would have given in this situation.

“I knew that there was a lie somewhere in your excuse earlier!” Declan’s quiet exclamation made its way into the silence, but this just made Roman more uncomfortable under the blank stare he was receiving from Logan.

"Well, I had to because otherwise, this ," — Patton waved at the group they had formed around the hero — "would happen and the last thing that needs to happen after being thrown really far and being bashed about is being crowded. Plus, this was my lucky day." Patton giggled, throwing a wink sideways to Roman, and oh no , Roman was a mess. He felt like spontaneously combusting while gripping his heart and dramatically dying on the floor where he stood.

Yet the only reaction to this was somehow a brief panic before a smile broke out and Roman was able to laugh along a bit.

"Patton, why, might I ask, did you conceal this from both me and Declan? I understand your point on crowded-ness but you also know of our fascination with the heroes and our possible future career paths."

Logan's words made Patton look down guiltily, revealing that Logan's words were true, but he fiddled with his bracelet on his wrist before looking upwards towards the elder twin.

"Because... Because I didn't want to?"

Patton then frowned, looking almost... angry. But not towards anyone- his gaze was at the floor, more as if he was angry at himself. Logan let a smile slip onto his lips, the same teasing smile once Virgil managed to wind up Roman.

"Valid reasoning. I know for a fact my excuse would be more or less the same."

Patton brightened up again, but Roman didn't have a chance to admire him again as Declan had burst out with an exclamation asking for an autograph.

This whisked away Roman's attention for a while, ending up in a selfie with the three with his magic glowing through his veins for proof of authenticity and various things being signed as well as a note Roman felt obligated to write to the Heart parents for their (unknown) hospitality.

He even got all of them to make a small piece of memorabilia for him to keep to remember them should he not be able to visit them again. Logan gave a small origami gift, Declan a yellow feather. In Patton's case, he had to think for a few seconds before his face absolutely lit up. He rushed a tiny, absolutely minuscule potted cactus, the plant itself being about the size of his thumb, to roman, with the most adorable and sincere face.

"Here! Take Ophelia - I grew her myself. That being said, it's probably best you don't have a feel of her , she's a bit prickly!"

A groan rumbled in Logan's throat at the pun, contrasting the chuckles from Roman and Dec, followed by the all too familiar buzz of Roman's phone.

Very Early Womb-mate - 12:56

-- What the FuCK you ass?? its been an hour or so what the fuck is taking you so long?????

-- mom's gonna start to freak, u need to get home as soon as u can

-- idiot

Me - 11:56

-- aksdflaksdhfkljkj what the fuck i lost track of time heck i'll get home asap

Roman shoved his cracked phone into a pocket and grinned sheepishly.

"My brother has warned me against impending doom known as my mother and her lectures if I don't return home soon. I thank you all for your lovely donations of memorabilia and allowing me to stay. However, it is nearly 1 o'clock and we have been out here an awfully long time. Farewell, fellow humans!"

Roman turned away, climbing over the railing and forming a golden step of light in front of him.

"Ah, right, that reminds me. We were sent up here to make sure you hadn't fallen asleep up here Patton. We got sidetracked though. Come on, Pat." Logan chimed.

As Roman was leaping away over steps made for him, he could faintly hear Patton respond about watering 'Candice' and 'Bobby', which he could assume were plants, before heading inside.

Roman luckily escaped with his hide when he managed to sneak in through the window just in time before his mom burst in, looking for him. He used the excuse of being on his phone as a reason for being awake - which did admittedly get his phone taken away - but at least he wouldn't have to listen to a rant.

And as he settled to sleep, he was caught up in thinking. Remembering. Adoring.

Yes, Roman was a mess, but at least tonight he could sleep easy after the beautiful image of Patton in the moonlight, playful glint in his eyes; him holding out a tiny cactus supplied with a pun; his excited face once he realised something interesting.

It wasn't much, but to Roman it was everything.