#im kind of glad i stay at home all the time but even then im still not safe
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flamboyant-king · 8 months ago
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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kingbeeleth · 8 days ago
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cherryheairt · 14 days ago
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Hidden Truths pt.2
Cregan x wife!reader
named reader no description, from house Glover
masterlist
part 1
thank y'all so much for the kind words and eagerness to see this part. Please forgive me for not replying to all asks being sent to inbox, you'll understand with the chap lol. The pressure was so real I had planned to write other things between pt 1 and 2 but I dropped everything to do this between work and sleep lol
changed the og ending because so many people thought it would be more fitting and I agreed lol
anon pointed out my mistake on glover and bolton im so sorry for that confusion yall it is meant to be glover originally. i made too many mistakes im a mess rn
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Ernest makes it to Cregan's solar first, Ron not far on his heels. Panting, the younger speaks up first when Cregan Stark shoots them a bewildered look whilst hunched over his oak desk.
"Was Lady Stark due for some business today, My Lord?" He asked, catching his breath as Cregan sat up in his seat, attention fully on the guards.
"Not any that I'm aware of. Where is my wife?" He asked, glancing outside of his small window to the blistering storm outside. There was no way she would be anywhere except her chambers—not after he caught her soothing Brandon to sleep. The sight had melted his heart immediately, glad to see his wife finally finding it in her to go see him, to give him a chance.
Though, he could not blame her, of course. He could still remember the day he brought the Stark babe home, and how he dreaded the meet throughout his months of journeying home to Winterfell.
Aelys had been on the forefront of his mind, even through the slimy politicking of King's Landing. The wait was only made ever longer by the fact that the party Cregan traveled North with had to wait until Brandon was old enough to travel, too. Moons went by painstakingly slow, and Cregan moved to load the carriage for the boy as soon as the Maester gave his word that Bran would not be suseptible to the outdoors during long durations on the road.
Cregan dismounted his grey mare, patting her on the neck in thanks before the stable boy guided her back to her designated place. With a tense sigh, he rolled his shoulders and opened the carriage door that held Brandon and his new wet nurse. Sara, his older sister, would join the family in a few short weeks while she continued her stay at the Blackwood's. He wished she was here to console his wife in the coming days. Gods know that he cannot, not when the news of his betrayal had to come from his own mouth. As he promised himself it should be. The sinner should say his own penance, no one else. A Stark is a slave to his oaths.
Thanking Greya kindly, Cregan picked up Bran in his arms. His onyx black curls shifted against the crook of his arm as he shifted the babe to be held better. The four moon-old babe fussed as he was removed from the woman's comforting hold. As if was, Cregan was more of a stranger to the young babe than his wet nurse was. Unfortunately, the Lord had not spent the amount of time with him as he knew he should have. The thoughts and guilt racked up in his mind and burned at the back of his throat every day, leaving Cregan to promise himself that in Winterfell he would spend more time with him.
Another promise for the list.
Cregan stepped through the courtyard's archway, holding his breath as he watched his beautiful wife standing by the Keep's doors, shivering but still insisting that she come out to meet her husband. Her smile was as lovely and bright as he remembered, a much more contented and relieved smile than she had sent him off to battle with. That day, she could hardly stifle her tears back as she hugged him 'goodbye'. He felt quite the same. Cregan would never leave for Southern business again, not in his lifetime. Once had been enough to last generations, though he was sure the Stark family would not go too long before being summoned again.
Her face shifted from joy to confusion in a matter of seconds. As Cregan continued straight towards her, Bran bundled up in so many wools and pelts that it entirely engulfed the babe. She lifted her skirts to step down to meet him. Originally, Cregan had wished to scoop her up in his arms and place a sweet kiss on her cold lips, but the bundle between them prevented such things. He could not greet her so sweetly and then present the bastard to her. Ripping the bandage off a fresh wound, Cregan would not be deceitful for longer than he had been during his moons of silence in the South.
"Husband," She smiled, reaching out to touch his chilled face, pink in the cheeks and ears from exposure. "You should come inside. A feast has been prepared for you—and your men, of course." She was antsy on her feet, eager to get inside to proper reunite with her husband, no bystanders gawking.
Speaking of bystanders—Cregan's entire party had separated and dispersed around the courtyard. They met their own wives, parents, or children as they laughed and conversed. Though, the loud and joyous clamor soon died down when whispers had been spread around by those who already knew of Cregan's boy. Wives that knew Aelys well stared in pity, clutching their shawls to their chests and shaking their heads quietly at their Lord.
He fought the urge to hang his head.
She had not yet seen the babe, only the cloth surrounding him.
"Cregan?" She whispered, tilting her head with concerned eyes. "What is wrong?" His sweet, sweet wife. Her first priority had been him over anything since the days of their honeymoon—the days she had confessed to be extremely anxious about during their courtship. She was a Northern woman herself, hardened and shaped like an ice sculpture but retaining her warm heart and spirit. Cregan had intimidated her greatly, according to her giggling confession, and she had feared he may be a cruel and selfish man since he could easily do as he wished to his Lady wife. He proved her wrong, apparently, getting to know his wife throughout their private honeymoon. They had a bond like no other, always at each other's side and filling in for the weaknesses of the other during their duties as leaders.
Cregan's brow furrowed deep, blinking away as he felt his nose start to sting.
Only then, when his glossy eyes met hers silently, did she glance down to the cloths. Slowly reaching up a shaky, gloved hand adjusted the pelts so she could peer past them. Gasping at the pale babe, Aelys' eyes sharply met his. A million thoughts raced through her head, clearly showing in her facial expressions. Not assuming the worst, as she probably should have done, Aelys asked, "has one of your men died? Is this babe an orphan?" Always so trusting of her Lord husband, something Cregan had admired and was eternally grateful for throughout their marriage.
"Aelys..." He cleared his throat when his voice came out much too quiet and hoarse. "This is my son." He declared to her, and to the onlooking crowd who did not bother hiding scandalized gasps.
Her eyes blinked in rapid succession, shaking her head lightly and smiling. "Don't jest, Cregan. We have no son."
His silence met her words. When he did not cave and admit to messing with his wife, Aelys shook her head more firmly. "No." She said, whispering. Her eyes clamped shut as she breathed in and out deeply, only opening to glance down at the babe, scrutinizing its appearing and comparing every freckle to Cregan's. "Don't do this to me, please. You would never do this to me." Her words were nearly lost to the air.
"It was one time, I swear it on my honor and Stark name." Cregan told her.
"On your name?" She harshly bit, stepping away from Cregan as if he had burned her. "Your honor? You swore on your honor the day we said our vows under the Weirwood tree. Under OUR Gods. Did that mean nothing to you? Did I—" She gasped out, covering her mouth with the back of her hand and clutching her stomach. A choking sob rippled through her, and Greya stepped forward to gingerly take Brandon from Cregan's grasp. His arms fell to his side, clenching as he stopped himself from holding his wife in comfort. She could find no solace in the man who hurt her so.
"I thought you wished to wait. You told me you wanted it, too. Was it just not me you wanted a family with?" She asked, cranking her neck up to look at her shameful husband.
"Aelys, I did—I do!" He started, stepping forward to wipe a hot tear from her cheek.
Flinching away from his touch, she looked up at him with the same mistrust and solemn acceptance that he found in a dying prey's eyes. Suddenly, Aelys looked to become aware of the crowd. Glancing around self-consciously, she straightened herself upright like the people expected of a Lady Stark. "The feast is growing cold. Enjoy it while it's warm." She loudly adressed the weary party and their families, who awkwardly moved to shuffle inside the dining hall. With a final glance past Cregan's shoulder to the wet nurse, Aelys was gone.
Seeing the shared glances of horror between the two, Cregan cleared his throat. "Where is my wife, boys?"
Ernest swallowed harshly, not daring to look him in the eye. "She—she said that she 'ad business in Winter Town. That you approved of it, I swear!"
Ron nodded so quickly that his head of curls messed about and framed his face further. The snow still on their heads and shoulders had now melted in the warmth of the Great Keep, reminding Cregan of the harsh weather the guards had to bear all day. They were trained and honed for such conditions, Aelys was not.
"Yes, Lord Stark! We couldn't disobey our Lady's words." He insisted.
"You think I'd make my wife go settle business in Winter Town during a blizzard?" He growled out, standing from his seat and storming between them to his doorway, where he turned on them and saw them both flinch in shock. "Which way did she go?"
"Uhm..." they shared another glance. "She said Winter Town, Lord Stark. What other way would she have gone?"
Cursing, Cregan grabbed Ice and lifted the great sword to his shoulder. He left without another word to anybody, knowing every second counted when it came to finding her. "Bloody fools." He scoffed to himself, mind turning and thinking of places she might head to.
Clearly, not Winter Town. She had no business there, not that he knew of, and although they had not been speaking these past moons he still oversaw all of her duties as Lady. Though, her reports of dealings and responsibilities was done through the Maester rather than her own mouth. A middleman, the poor elder had become. Cregan endured the silence without complaint, knowing his own actions brought it upon him.
His actions brought her further away from him than he perhaps estimated. He knew the babe would tear a rift in their relationship, and knew it would take a long time before they could even begin to mend it—but he never wanted it to go this far.
Back to her childhood home, to the Glovers in the Motte? Or, perhaps she found a secret lover that would meet her in the storm like a destined and tragic fairytale. He would not blame her for seeking love in another, though his never faded.
His quickened pace was only interrupted by Sara. "What is the rush for, brother?" The elder woman asked, dark brows furrowed with concern. Other the past four moons she had gained her strength back, looking the picture of health now that she was back home and recovering. Cregan could barely meet her gaze, looking between her and the doors ahead.
"My wife is gone." He told her honestly, shifting impaitiently in place. "I don't know where to, but I'm going to search for her."
Sara's dark eyes saddened, face scrunching up in grief. "This is my fault. I should have—"
Cregan stopped her immediately, taking her firmly by the shoulders and dipping his neck down to level himself. "No. It is mine alone. I made the choice to do this, I shall face the consequences of my actions."
"Cregan..." she sniffed, but did not allow tears to fall so easily.
"I'll be back." He promised. "With my wife."
Was she running away?
Cregan swung open the Great Keep's door, blinking staggardly at the wind gust that slammed into him. Not bothing to close it behind him, Cregan stormed to the stables and tacked his horse up. In a matter of minutes he was off and out of Winterfell's expansive walls.
His only option was to head towards Glover territory. It was a two days ride normally, but the storm would make it double or perhaps longer. She would not be far ahead, not even two hours ahead of Cregan and unknowing of how close he might be on her trail.
There were not even hoofprints left in her wake. The snow immediately covered all tracks and left only pristine fields of white powdery frost.
He would not know where she was until he spotted her amongst the white. Cobalt, her black stallion, was sure to stand out within close enough distance.
Until he did see her, he could only wait.
And it was exactly that; a waiting game. Cregan took only three days to reach the Deepwood Motte, faster than he anticipated. He was weary and exhausted, but still pumping with adrenaline and awake off sheer will. Here, in the safe walls of Harriston Glover's keep, his mare could finally have more than a few measly hours of rest, as well as food and water.
His fingers and toes burned with the edges of frostbite. Even in his thick protective gear, he was not entirely safe. The few, small fires that he built for himself in the cold nights gave him only a semblance of warmth. Each step felt like five as his vision blurred and weaned in and out. He steadied himself on a pole, waiting for his father-in-law to come downstairs to greet him. And, if luck be on his side, his Lady wife.
He owed more than an apology.
Harriston was a stern man, though not unreasonable. He loved his children and ensured they had only the best; education, caretakers, spouses. His eldest two children married long before Aelys was even of age to be wed, both men marrying Northern girls that they'd grown up with. When it came to his youngest and only girl, the man knew Lord Stark would be a most auspicious match. The Houses had long been friends and allies, and keeping the tradition of partnership thriving through marriage was no strange thing. He'd been even happier when Aelys wrote to him weekly, describing how enchanted she had been with her new husband and thanking him profusely for giving her a blessed match.
Now, the greyed man stood in front of Cregan with a deepset frown and a fierce look in his eyes. "Lord Stark. I thought you'd be busy in Winterfell."
Cregan cleared his throat, focusing on him intently. It made sense that the man was cross with him, especially after he assumed that Aelys had sent him a few lengthy letters telling of Cregan's infidelity. "I came to see my wife, and to bring her back home."
Harriston huffed a sarcastic laugh. "You send her back home, only to come yourself first?" He gestured around with his arms up.
Cregan tensed, "first? Is Aelys not already here?"
Lord Glover matched in his seriousness. "Aelys wrote to me three days ago, informing me that you had sent her here to be away from danger."
"I did not send her anywhere."
"You mean you do not know where my daughter is?" He asked, voice low and firm as he stepped closer. Though Harriston was a fine swordsman and a battle-worn fighter, Cregan did not fear the Lord's wrath, for he could easily best him in combat.
He did, however, have the brains to fear a furious father's vengeance.
His heart nearly beat out of his chest. "And she stated that she was on her way here?"
"I think I know what she said, boy." Lord Glover hissed. "Where is Aelys?"
"She must still be out there," Cregan murmured breathlessly, turning on his heel and running out of the fort's doors and back out to the stables. Cobalt was in none of them, confirmed to him that Lord Glover was not simply lying and hiding his wife away from him.
Cregan decided to take another horse—one well rested and ready to travel in the packed snow, unlike his own weary mare. Guiding it to the doors where Lord Glover had exited and looked at Cregan with a fear unlike the learned man usually expressed, he asked: Where are the kennels?"
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When Aelys left to brave the storm alone, she had not anticipated the sheer unforgivable nature of it. Living in the North her whole life, she'd long grown used to cold weather and hunting for herself. Hunts often lasted days or weeks, being times of comraderie and companionship when out in the wilderness with your people. She had not been hunting in years, much less alone.
The snow had slowed her travel significantly and clouded her navigational judgment. North became South, and East became West after so long of walking. With the skies so darkened, it was even harder to tell the time of day. With every stop she made and every fire that burnt out too quickly for her to be fully warm, Aelys had grown desperate.
She found shelter in a half-conscious act to preserve her on life. Now, curled up with only her fur-lined dress and the pelt she had brought from Winterfell, she could not help but begin to accept that she would die in this cave.
Aelys thought of her life in a few curt thoughts.
She had only lived twenty and two years. She grew up with loving parents and two elder brothers who doted on her greatly. She married Lord Stark of Winterfell, someone who took her heart quicker than she'd ever thought possible. She would die here, alone and cold because of him.
She thought of all the things she had wanted from life. Not much, for a Lord's daughter. Aelys had always wanted love and gave love in return. Trusted perhaps too much and did not gain from it. She wished for children, eventually, and could never have them now. She wished to see the warm deserts of Dorne and the lush gardens of Old Town in her retirement.
Aelys Bolton would not see anything but the North, nothing but the cold snow and frost-tippes trees around. They had grown familiar and warm.
Warm.
She was so warm, now.
Aelys closed her eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of better days.
"You do not wish to return home to a babe in the nursery?" Aelys asked, voice low and humming as Cregan lay beneath her on their shared bed. Most men did, misliking the process of pregnacy but loving the outcome, for it could only serve to benefit them.
"We will have plenty of time for babes when I come back to you." He replied, brushing his lips over her the crown of her head. "What kind of husband would I be if I left you to deal with the struggles of pregnancy and birth all alone?"
"I won't be alone. Sara is staying, too. I will have a sister to keep me company and complain all my grievances about my missing husband to her." She said amusedly.
Cregan paused in his rhythmic stoking of her spine. "Sara has asked to come, my heart."
She paused, too, lifting her head from his chest and squinting at him. "Sara can come down to King's Landing with you, but I cannot?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "She will be staying at the Blackwood's residence at Raventree Hall, not King's Landing. I would never endanger either of you by bringing you to the capitol. She has been offered guest housing by her friend, Alysanne Blackwood, during my time down there."
She huffed, conceding to his words and dropping her head back down, listening again to his ever-steady heartbeat. "Must be nice to see the Riverlands." She said lightly. "I hear they have fields of flowers growing year-round."
"And the permanent smell of fish and mildew." Cregan added with a snort. "You're not missing anything, I swear it to you. Sara and I will be gone for a short period of time. I intend to leave as soon as things are settled and put to rest."
Aelys hummed her quiet acknowledgment. There was no argument to be had, not when Cregan was set to leave in the morning. "There must always be a Stark in Winterfell." She said cheekily, though there was plenty truth to the statement. Alone, she would serve as political head to Winterfell and the temporary 'Warden' while Cregan was missing in action. She had her advisors, consisting of Cregan's trusted councilmen, but the hole that she knew would sink itself into her heart already wore her into her.
Cregan laughed at her words, nodding. "Aye, my love, you will do perfectly. I'm sorry to leave you alone for so long, but I have no doubt you'll do great." He said proudly, kissing her nose. She scrunched it up at the ticklish feeling, allowing a girlish giggle to leave her throat.
"Don't be gone too long, husband. Your wife needs you here." She said, tilting her head up to meet his lips.
"I would never dream of it."
The moons passed by with no reprieve for Aelys. As Winterfell's sole head, her days were busy from dawn til dusk. Letters were exchanged sporadically with her husband while he helped Aegon iii ascend to his place on the iron throne.
Until, one day, his letters ceased. It had already been a full year without Cregan Stark, and Aelys was beginning to grow used to the lack of her husband and sister by her side. Routine had grown to be instinct for her, breezing through her duties like she'd done them all her life. The only thing missing was her lover.
Concerned, Aelys checked in with the resident Maester to ensure Cregan's wellbeing.
When he paused, lips pursed and hands clutching at his cane with a stress unlike the calm elder, he rasped out his own fears. "I, too, have received no word from Lord Stark. Though, no news has come of us death in the capitol, so he must simply be occupied."
Occupied at the end of the war? When Aegon had already been named King and all the men put to trial were either declared guilty or innocent? The brunt of the work was over and done with—told by Cregan himself.
So why was he silent for an entire moon?
It was another fortnite before the Stark wrote back to her. The letter was curt and brief.
My dearest Aelys,
Forgive my abrupt silence these past weeks. Please know that you have been on my mind throughout this entire time.
Sara has grown sick in Raventree Hall, and has not been able to travel with the host of men I have sent back home to the North. We will stay behind for another few moons while she is in recovery. I will return to you soon.
With love,
Cregan Stark.
It was shorter than his other letters by many paragraphs, pages even. Cregan left out no details when describing his miserable times in the capitol. Aelys found herself much enjoying his theatrical melodramatic retelling and was rendered bemused by this letter. Still, she continued to lead with no pause for breaks.
Three more moons later, and Cregan wrote that he was mere days away from Winterfell. Without Sara Snow, unfortunately, as she was still not entirely recovered, but his party could be postponed no longer.
Aelys rushed around Winterfell's Keep in a flurry of excitement. She ordered every room to be cleaned spotless, for rations to be saved for days until a feast could be made for their arrival, for hearths to be extra tended to, and for the courtyard to be prepared to clear the way for the host.
Finally, the days of busy bodies floating around the Great Keep came to a stop. The feast was warm and ready at all available tables. The hearths were warm and ready for sleepy heads to rest within the rooms. The tubs were filled with scalding hot water that would warm by the time they were used. Lady Stark stood for hours at the Great Keep's entry stairs in the courtyard.
She wanted to be there exactly when he walked through the archway. Despite the cold biting at her nose, the Lady stood resiliant and tall.
It was nearly in the afternoon when Cregan's party arrived. He came through first, leading as head of the host as any Lord should. A wheelhouse followed, surrounded by a small league of soliders all around it. She bounced on her heels slightly, seeing Cregan dismount from his ride. Though she found herself bemused and slightly hurt when he glanced at her and made his way towards the wheelhouse instead. Had Sara recovered enough to join and perhaps wanted to surprise her good sister? She hoped so, for she had missed her greatly. After growing up with only brothers, Aelys found a best friend and sister in Sara Snow. The whispers about Lady Stark befriending the bastard of Winterfell followed her around like a dark shadow, but she never paid them any mind.
Bastardry had never bothered Aelys before. Not even when she was a woman of noble birth and was taught that bastards were born inherently lustful, evil, and made of sin.
She waited patiently at the top of the steps for Cregan to fetch Sara.
To her surprise, he only pulled out of the carriage with a bundle of clothes in his arms. Pelts and blankets, it seemed. A plainly-dressed woman from the South stepped out after him but stayed trailing behind. A maid of some sort, though she had no clue as to why a Southern maid would need to follow Cregan back to Winterfell.
As he strided towards her, a strange and unhappy look on his face, she forced her anxiety back down her throat and raced to meet him. "Husband," she greeted with a smile. "You should come inside. A feast has been prepared for you—and your men, of course." Reaching out to caress his face and simultaneously brush flecks of snow from his loose hair, she couldn't help but stop to admire her husband's handsome features. It had felt like an eternity that they were separated, and she had begun to forget the full details of his frame. Forgot his scent in the room and his side of the bed. Nearly forgot the warmth that he provided simply from standing nearby.
The very warmth he is giving to her now, in the chilly courtyard.
His eyes appeared to gloss, his nose and cheeks pinking even more so than they had already grown in the biting air. Glancing over Cregan, she assessed quickly for signs of fatigue or illness.
"Cregan?" she asked gently. "What is wrong?" She prayed he did not catch whatever Sara had caught, or hid a wound under his mass of leathers and pelts.
When he shiftly lifted the bundle in his arms to gesture for her to look at it, she finally spared a look to the mysterious ball of cloth. She had completely forgotten about it until now, noticing the maid still behind Cregan a few yards back, head tilted down and looking at her slippers. Peeking over a fur pelt, Aelys gasped at the sight. A babe, only a few moons old by the looks of it. Her mind raced with possibilities. Why would Cregan bring a babe back instead of leaving it in more temperate climates like the Riverlands that he stayed in on the way up North?
"Has one of your men died?" She asked in a hushed tone, assuming first that one of his soldiers perhaps fathered a bastard babe before perishing in a battle or falling to sickness. "Is the babe an orphan?" Cregan did always have a soft spot for younglings, showcased clearly by his time spent personally training young squires of Winterfell. He had lost his own younger brother in their youth, and the hole had never filled from that loss of kin.
"Aelys..." he started, meeting her eyes with a soft and sympathetic look. "This is my son." Was said loud and clear for any listeners to hear.
A jest. Cregan had seldom liked to be humorous in front of crowds, or anyone but herself and Sara, but he must have been in good spirits today. Briefly glancing at the surrounding people, she found only pitiful looks from the women and severe looks from the men. Shaking her head, Aelys forced a smile onto her face and a shaky laugh. "Don't jest, Cregan. We have no son." She emphasized.
He only stared at her back. No words of comfort, no sudden burst of laughter among his men to tell her that the biggest prank in the world had been pulled on her. Just shameless silence.
He had declared her second best in front of all of Winterfell. Her people and his.
"No." She said firmly, shaking her head 'no'. She breathed in and out deeply, trying to clear her blurry eyes and woozy head. Glaring down at the false babe in his arms, she found many similarities that she wished she had not. The same straight brows that Cregan had, the same scattered freckles, the same pale skin. The only difference was the hair color—black as a midnight sky or dragonglass. The mother must be beautiful.
Moving her eyes to the maid behind Cregan, she found that the girl had a mousy blonde color to her tresses. She could not have possibly bore a black-haired babe. She felt sick, like she'd throw up and choke at the same time. "Don't do this to me. You'd never do this to me." She pleaded out, voice small and hoarse.
"It was one time. I swear it on my honor and Stark name." Cregan promised. But every word was like poison, filling her heart with a heavy black liquid and drowning her from the inside out.
"On your name?" She hissed out, uncaring of the onlookers for this one moment. She was allowed to be angry, callous, and spiteful, even. Any self-respecting woman would be. And she'd be damned if she wasn't. Any Stark woman ought to be when ruling over the entire North. Any Glover woman is.
"Your honor? You swore on your honor the day we said our vows under the Weirwood tree. Under OUR Gods! Did that mean nothing to you? Did I—?" Words spilled from her mouth before she can think properly. But she did not regret any of them, knowing she was in the right. Bile rose in her throat, pushing itself past the forced down emotions. She swiftly covered her mouth, stilling herself to prevent any more embarrassing. Subconsciously, she clutched at her empty stomach with her free hand, both mourning the fact that she'd have no children and thanking the Gods for not giving her any previously. A cry finally escaped her lips, watching the plain maid take the babe into her arms again as Cregan looked on helplessly to his wife.
Aelys found her voice again, though it was ragged and tired. "I thought you wished to wait. You told me you wanted it, too." He was a liar, the worst kind of man. "Was it just not me you wanted a family with?"
She'd rather be struck with his hand than his deceitful mouth. It would hurt much less.
"I did, Aelys—I do!" He pleaded, stepping forward to console her. His arms looked like steel traps in her louded mind.
She took a lengthy step back. She would not share his warmth, nor his love. Or his bed, his room, his damned dining room. His children. Not when he had shared it with another woman. Given her his love, his attention, his son.
She could not bear to keep herself calm any longer. Adressing the entire courtyard, who had made themselves the Stark's own personal peanut gallery, she spoke firmly. "The feast is growing cold. Enjoy it while it's warm." Without a second glance back at the Stark, Aelys excused herself to her chambers, where she emptied the contents of her stomach into the chamberpot until she could only dry-heave nothingness. These chambers had not been used since she arrived in Winterfell, instead choosing to sleep and stay in their marital ones. She would not step foot into those again unless she was dragged kicking and screaming.
Aelys awoke to strong arms lifting her from the stone floor. Groggily, she was stirred from her deep and preserving sleep. How long had she been traveling? How long had she been buried under those pelts? Time was a blur when she was in a near comatose state, dead to the world. Limbs were numbed and her body felt warm after so long in the cold weather.
"I've got you, sweet girl. We're going home." A familiar voice rung in the back of her head. Even the jolting movements of a horse trotting could not fully move her to consciousness as she fell back asleep.
When she fully gained her sense of mind, she could clearly hear the sound of two men arguing. The warmth of a hearth was next to her as she lifted heavy blankets and furs off of her body. Glancing around, Aelys found herself back right where it all started. In Cregan's room, formerly their marital chambers that she had long since moved out of. A large oil painting sat over the heart, depicting a newlywed image of her and Cregan. They both smiled brightly in the photo, much to Cregan's complaint that the painting did not make him look 'serious enough'. She only laughed and tipped the painter extra gold dragons for the accuracy.
She loved that painting more than any others they kept in the Great Keep. Now, the two faces looking down at her only served to remind her of the falsehood she lived every day while Cregan was absent. Taking care of Winterfell and the North all by herself, just to come back and be thanked by his uncouth mistakes.
Shakily standing up, she winced at the feeling coming back to her limbs. Wriggling all twenty of her toes and fingers, she ensured they still all had feeling. Miraculously, she did. The numbess still felt vaguely there, and her throat was extremely dry and achy. But at least she was alive. Even if it was back in Winterfell, she could attempt her return to the Motte as soon as the storm died down.
It had been a dreadful blizzard. Not a rare sight in the North, but usually none lasted so long. Aelys could not help but feel it was the Gods punish Cregan and Aelys for their marital spat. Something like this must be so futile and useless in their eyes and the eyes of the people of the realm, but to Aelys it was her world and her life. No one could help Aelys but herself. She'd leave these spoiled halls even if the Old Gods and the New wished otherwise. If Cregan didn't have to keep oaths, why should she?
Opening the large wooden door, Aelys found the source of the faint yelling. Her eyes widened at the sight of her father in front of Cregan, in all his gruff charm with his silver hair and beard. She hadn't seen him in nearly two years. She stayed at the archway under the door, simply listening in as the men shouted further down the hall. If either turned their heads, they would spot her eavesdropping.
"—cannot even keep her safe during Winter! Am I to expect her to stay safe during a wildling attack, or worse? Or will you be prioritizing the safety of your mistress?" Harriston shouted, veins nearly popping out from his forehead and neck in his fury. Snow still gathered on his pelt coat, meaning he had just arrived recently.
"It is my mistake that she was endangered out there—but I would never let such a thing happen again under my protection. This is her home, I cannot allow her to go back to the Dreadfort. She is a Stark." Cregan emphasized, though had a defensive raised tone.
"Was she a Stark when you bed a whore in King's Landing?"
"The situation is more complicated than that." He responded, clenching his jaw.
"Nothing could ever be more complicated than losing your wit at a brothel, Stark. There is no argument to be had. She is staying with her family, where she was intending." Harriston growled out, a tone of finality to his tone. As he swung on his feet to head down the hall, face set in a worried and seething anger, he finally spotted his daughter.
"Aelys!" He yelled in relief, rushing toward her and scooping her up into his thick arms. "We're going home immediately. We will wash our hands of the Starks once and for all."
"I will not allow that." Cregan spoke from behind. As Aelys hugged her father back just as tightly, it was a battle to keep her tears from flowing in his safe arms. She missed her father more than she knew.
Before Harristone could speak, Aelys nodded. "We will settle this." She said flatly. Her father hesitantly let her go, nodding once firmly after seeing the resolve in his daughter's eyes.
"Very well. I will wait in the dining hall for you." He sighed, walking away.
Aelys shivered in the loss of warmth again. In her bare feet and night gown, she felt the cold of the cobblestone walls and floors start to seep under her skin again. "Here," Cregan murmured, gently shifting his mass of brown wolf pelt over her shoulders and clicking the direwolf emblem into place.
She allowed it, though she did not thank him with words. She took a deep breath, looking him in the eyes. "I want to separate. Divorce, I mean." She said tiredly.
Cregan flinched, jaw ticking and heavily considering her words. "That is entirely my fault. It is in your right to ask that of me." He said, voice dimmed and not nearly half of his assuredness. "But please, hear me out."
"What could I possibly hear you out with?" She asked, exhaustion clear in her tone. She'd dealt with this situation long enough.
Cregan nudged the door back open, nodding for her to enter. Reluctantly, she led the way in and watched as he gently shut it behind them. "I swore an oath, nearly nine moons ago." Cregan started.
Her brows furrowed, bemused. "To whom?"
Guiltily, he looked down at her, looking much alike to a kicked pup. "My sister."
"To Sara? What ever for?" She grew frustrated, knowing he was beating around the bush.
Taking a deep breath, he told her everything. "Sara stayed with her friend Alysanne Blackwood in Raventree hall for the entire time I was aiding King Aegon. In that time—she fell pregnant."
Aelys' heart dropped to her stomach. The same sick feeling overtaking her. She did not say a word.
"Davos Blackwood and Sara had built a bond, much like we did." He said. "When she told Davos of the news, they both went to Lord Blackwood to plea to marry each other. He refused, not allowing his heir to marry a bastard."
"And you legitimized Brandon as your own in turn?" She hissed.
"Sara begged me to. She lived her life as a bastard—she did not wish the same for her own son. I swore to her that my nephew would never be allowed the same treatment. I knew Aegon would do it." He trailed.
"So you bring him home, and humiliate me instead? You didn't even tell me, your own wife! You chose Sara over me. She is your sister, I know, but she chose to be with Davos Blackwood." She could have taken a tea, or moved to Essos or Dorne where bastards were more accepted. There were other options, but neither Sara nor Cregan used them. "That is cruel, Cregan. It is heartless." She cried.
"I never wished to hurt you, I only wanted to protect her. It was my oath." Cregan pleaded, grabbing her hands in his.
She shivered again, though unknowing if it was in chill or her own anger. Part of her was happy that he never truly took another woman to bed—never picked another other her. Though he still hid the biggest secret in the world from her for moons. Allowed her to suffer in their shared home and withstand the pitious looks of the people and court.
"I can't trust you. Not ever again. You could not trust me with your own kin's truth, and punished me for it." She stated. She could not allow herself to cave in so easily, to fall back into his arms.
"I understand, sweet girl." He muttered, softly stroking the apple of her cheek almost mindlessly. "I will sign whatever the Maester's conjure up. You will be free to marry whoever you wish—someone who will not lie to you."
The Starks were known for their loyalty and devotedness to their oaths. If Cregan Stark had lied to his wife so easily, no lesser man could ever make her happy with faithfulness and loyalty. Aelys had accepted her life to be one of loneliness from the day Brandon was allowed into the home.
"I will stay in Deepwood Motte for the time being. From there, I will see where my path leads." She said vaguely, unknowing now of what her heart desired. "Wish Sara well for me." Aelys asked of him, leaving him behind as she wiped any straying tears from her face.
"I love you, Aelys." He said, calling softly after her.
"I know." She whispered to herself.
In the dining hall, Harriston awaited her arrival. Perking up when she entered, he knowingly took her into his arms. "I'm tired, father."
"Let's go home. Your mother has missed you dearly." He said, planting a fatherly kiss to her temple.
Aelys would not yet send word for a formal separation to the Citadel or to the King. For now, time apart was what she declared best for herself.
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divider by - @issysh3ll
tags - @palomavz @emithefrog @karinalight @johnshelbywife @tojisrealwifey @baddielizzy @pearldaisy @brookiecookie @jessicar401 @hardkiddonut @littlelilly27-blog @nayaniasworld @just-mj-or-not @flaneurpastel @unsweetenedpeatea @blucesita09 @maxmegara @deeeeexx @masschotch @janniepark1997 @spongelistener @margaaaa30 @paracii @lovebabe18 @rey26 @damneddamsy @yunnifer @kenzcarson @glqmmywhqmmy @arizonadesert @blumin8 @its-your-girl-savy @dreamygirli3 @aemondloverr @zaranobiyuyu @nsr-15 @oxymakestheworldgoround @isansstuff @high-speed-r
so many tags dont work 🥲 will try to tell in comment sec
ending is ambiguous. Will she decide to divorce or eventually mend their relationship? Up to you!
might make an alt ending where he really is just a shitty guy but this had been my idea from the start (many guessed it and i could not reply to them because of it lmao)
sorry if those two scenes got repetitive, but I wanted to show the 'cregan bringing brandon home' from both of their more detailed perspectives. Cregan's shame and guilt and her humiliation and heartbreak.
so many people guessed so close (to the sara part at least) only saw Jace thoughts tho, but he's already dead long before Cregan's walk down to the South. Would have been much more dramatic, but I think Jace would never allow a child of his to be apart from him. Many people swayed me to lead them to separate instead of stick together, and it does make more sense to have her leave him in the end. Although he did not cheat he still lied and publicly humiliated her, even unintentionally, but he's a grown man who is smart enough to know consequences.
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tim-shii · 8 months ago
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hi! just found your acc and i just want to say i absolutely adore your work first off. you bring my wife (aventurine) to life beautifully.
saw the as a boyfriend and oh my GOD the part about him getting anxious over reader speaking with ratio? so good. i need jealous pouty aventurine. and honestly might be a bit ooc for ratio but i think he’d encourage it just to get under aventurine’s skin tbh.
up to you though, i’d love for you to write a lil drabble or something of the sorts expanding on this, whatever you have the imagination to write.
that’s all~!
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a/n: tysm ?! ure so kind im glad very happy !! that u adore my work 🫶 we have to make sure wife is loved always 🫡 here's jealous aven from this ; @svnarin proofreader !! (she told me to put it here)
cw: bf!aventurine, slight angst
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“such lavish proposal. are you certain i am the person who should be hearing that?”
“absolutely. you’re the perfect person i should be consulting about it.”
aventurine is not a jealous person. he’s confident in himself, you had praised him several times of how much of an amazing person he is. jealousy means there’s a lack of trust between the two of you and aventurine doesn’t like that idea at all. he thinks that trust is a significant factor when it comes to relationships. he doesn’t keep secrets and even if he does, he’ll eventually open up to you after some time.
aventurine is a quartz-based gem stone. a stone that brings good fortune and helps you create your own luck. it’s also green. the same green in the monster’s eyes that’s currently chomping down on aventurine. he can’t help it! can he really blame himself when uneasiness swirls in his stomach after seeing you with dr. ratio?
out of everyone he gets jealous of, it just had to be him. veritas ratio. his good friend, veritas. the most logical man aventurine has ever known.
while aventurine is confident in himself, no doubt there’s a part of him that feels inferior to the doctor. the man has radiant violet hair that compliments the tone and structure of his face. he also has a slightly muscular build compared to aventurine’s more slender one. there’s a lot to compare and aventurine isn’t sure if he can even list it all out.
his brows furrowed, eyes dulling as his thoughts consumed him at once. what proposal? what’s that about? and perfect person? he doesn’t understand. are you leaving him? can he really not make you stay? was it something he did? something he said? but he can’t ask you those. because what if instead of an answer, he’ll be greeted with a farewell—
a flick on his forehead snapped him out of the daze. aventurine blinks back, now finding you in front of him.
“i was right. he was sulking.” he hears veritas quip.
“not sulking. more of, in a daze.” your fingers thread through his soft locks, aventurine hums at the affection, absentmindedly leaning his cheek on your palm.
“you give him too much credit. he’s probably wallowing in the sorrows of his mind for no apparent reason.” ratio snickers ever so quietly.
“or he could just be tired and sleep deprived.”
“or he’s jealous. he glares at me any longer, my skin will start withering and rotting.” for a doctor who has more than eight doctoral degrees, he can be quite the drama queen.
“goodbye, doctor. thank you for your opinion, i shall greatly treasure your wise words.” veritas only shook his head before slipping out the door. once he’s left, all your attention shifts to your boyfriend.
aventurine lets you sit atop his lap, gloved hands instantly finding home on your hips. for a moment, you both stare at each other in complete silence.
“spit it out. what’s wrong?” you spoke first.
aventurine sighs. “i didn’t like seeing you with him.” for all his life, lying came easy. with his good looks and charming personality, making people believe whatever he says is child’s play. but aventurine can never lie to you. he doesn’t have the heart to face you once you’ve realized he’s fooled with your thoughts.
you raised a brow in amusement. “so you were jealous?”
“no. i don’t get jealous.” he grumbles. “i just,” aventurine gazes at you with a fond look, an expression so serene and completely enamored. “i’m better looking than him, right?”
blood rushed to his cheeks when he felt your lips on his. his hold moved from your hips to your neck to deepen the kiss, left thumb caressing over your pulse. he chases your lips like an intoxicated man once you pulled away. only to be stopped by you leaning your forehead on his.
“the best looking man in my life and in the whole universe. my most beloved, too.”
“you flatter me.” he grins stupidly before pulling you in for another kiss.
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likes and reblogs are appreciated! masterlist
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wooahaes · 9 months ago
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svt - with a shy partner
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pairing: non-idol!svt x gn!reader
prompt: svt with a partner who is shy(/kinda anxious).
genre: mostly fluff. established relationship in all.
warnings: reader getting anxious. some food mentions throughout. alcohol/clubbing mentions in soonyoung's (reader has a shitty time) + mentions of reader having shitty friends in soonyoung's. seungkwan yelling at someone being a dick in his. vernon fakes sick. usage of 'dude' as a term of endearment in vernon's. minghao being affectionately evil. chan being a lovable menace for a moment to distract them (teasing + tickling reader). intentional lowercase, no proofreading.
daisy’s notes: sorry some of these are longer than the others, i just wanted to write mostly affectionate sweet established relationships. also this is probs veering into anxiety territory at some points im sure.
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choi seungcheol
seungcheol knew that you loved him softly. this would never be an issue with him: some people simply weren't loud when it came to loving others, and he was never going to turn away your subtle touches and loving words. being outgoing was hard for you even now in life, where seungcheol had learned to manage it well. therefore, he knew how to take care of you in social situations. he would lead conversations when you were faltering, and he always stayed close to you just to give you someone to latch onto when things were getting to be too much. shy as you were, you still tried sometimes.
and now he was on his way to save you from yet another conversation with the only two friends of his you allowed to tease you.
joshua was snickering at whatever jeonghan had said to you to make you shrink into your sweater (the one that matched seungcheol's, with the heart patches on the elbows), and you looked as though you might drown yourself in the soft fabric if jeonghan didn't stop. but seungcheol knew as well as you did that all it would take is you saying a firm 'quit it' for both men to back off. they were harmless, through and through. but the moment seungcheol was close enough, you already sought refuge at his side, burying your face into his sweater. he could feel your face burning hot.
"what are you saying to them now?" seungcheol rolled his eyes, arm wrapped around you. "are you trying to kill them?"
"all i did was point out that you two are matching again," jeonghan hummed. "it's not my fault they get embarrassed when i point it out."
joshua rolled his eyes. "cheollie to the rescue again."
"shua!" you peeked back at him, lips pressed into a very cute pout. "cheollie, they're bullying me again..."
seungcheol fought back a laugh. that was always how these things played out. jeonghan and joshua, two of your longtime friends, would tease you a little, and then you would pout at your cheollie while he protected you. hell, the latter half was usually how seungcheol saved you from other silly things. he'd been the "excuse me, they asked for no pickles" kind of boyfriend to you time and time again... mainly because he knew you'd hold your tongue otherwise, trying not to bother people. but with these two? you were comfortable playing this little game.
so seungcheol squared up a little. "are they?"
jeonghan rolled his eyes. "here they go again." and he grabbed joshua by his elbow, leading him away with an excuse. if seungcheol hadn't been matching you, maybe they would have played... but something about matching anything gave seungcheol this weird boost of strength.
seungcheol rolled his eyes in turn, wrapping his arms around you as he turned his attention away from them. "i'm glad you're okay with them, you know." he let out a blissful sigh. "it's cute to see you embarrassed."
"cheollie..." you pouted again, eyes meeting his own. you glanced around the room, suddenly acutely aware of how you'd been holding onto him. no doubt your face was burning hot with embarrassment again. "can we go home now?"
he chuckled, leaning to kissing the top of your head. "we can," he promised. "let's go."
yoon jeonghan
if there was one thing that endeared jeonghan to you, it was the cute flustered expression you had whenever he started flirting with you. no matter how long the two of you had been dating, all he had to do was call you adorable to see your eyebrows shoot up, lips agape as you made some comment about how the two of you were 'past that' now. his favorite moments, however, were these: you were trapped on one end of the couch, legs draped over his lap, and he was toying with you idly. sometimes it'd be admiring your hands, or complimenting your hair, or pointing out how much he admired you sense of style...
today? he'd been pinching your cheeks with that wicked giggle you loved (even if you refused to admit it sometimes). "you're just so cute," he snickered. "i'm so lucky..."
"hannie..." you whined, eyes still pinned to the tv screen. "you're missing it."
your face was burning hot underneath his touch, though. a little win in his book. "i'm trying to appreciate you right now," he teased. his gaze flickered back to the tv, where the male lead was (finally) confessing his love. "what does he have that i don't?"
"jeonghan, i--'
"do you like him more than me?" he teased you further, leaning in. "i could be him. he couldn't be me, though."
your gaze met jeonghan's as you pouted a little, yet never pulled away from his touch. "jeonghan..."
"i'll re-do my confession to you," he dropped one hand to rest on the outside of your thigh, leaning in. that jovial expression dropped for a moment as he became completely serious for a moment, playing it up all too well, "i'm in love with you. do you... could you be in love with me, too?" he traced your bottom lip with his thumb. "i know you once loved joshua, but--"
and that was your breaking point as you pushed his hand away, already snorting. "jeonghan!"
before you could try to dive away from him, jeonghan had wrapped his arms around you, that airy laugh punctuating his break in character. he pulled you back in, head resting on your shoulder. "you're too easy to mess with," he giggled. "you should have never told me you had a crush on joshua, by the way."
you rolled your eyes, snuggling in. "noted."
joshua hong
joshua knew how to calm you down when your shyness was getting the better of you. he wordlessly wrapped his own stretchy, bead bracelets around your wrist, and ran his thumb across the beads. you told him once that it helped you for some reason (you'd never figured out the cause), and that had been enough for joshua to always keep at least one bracelet on him. even in a formal event like this. you had made the sacrifice of coming to his work event with him, the lead he could do was ensure you were taken care of.
one of the higher-ups had struck up conversation with you, and joshua knew that it made you far more nervous. you'd answered their questions as best as you could about your own work, your college, your life... and the occasional stammer was enough to give you away to him. joshua knew you were terrified of slipping up, of saying the wrong thing. he'd been the one who spoke for you in several other situations, but he knew what other people would think if he kept doing it. he shouldn't speak for you. or, even worse, that you were rude for not speaking for yourself. he could stand people thinking badly of him, but of you?
he'd silently rolled the bracelet off his own wrist while no one was looking, and pulling it over your own when pretending to inspect your watch. it looked out of place at this formal event, but it was fine. he kept a hold on your hand, thumb running across the beads. for a moment, you looked at joshua, and then gave him the subtlest of smiles before resuming your space.
when he brought it up, you already had an answer. "it's because you're there with me," you told him later that night while sitting outside of a burger place. you'd been stealing his fries, but he didn't care. he was out of that place, and so were you. you could take everything if you wanted. you'd already taken his heart, what else did he have left that wasn't yours already?
"but you know that." he said. his tie was loose around his neck, the top few buttons undone. his jacket had been left in the car he left parked down the street. the two of you needed a real meal after the appetizers (or the 'horse divorce' as you had whispered to him to get him to laugh) were barely enough to feed either of you. "i'm never gonna leave you alone in situations like this."
"i know." you averted your gaze when you said it, ever the bashful one when it came to acknowledging his affections. "i just... i like it when i know you're there. and i like wearing the bracelets you make. it just makes me feel more connected to you, if that's okay."
he leaned over, lips pressing against your cheek. "that's always okay," he said, voice softer. "we're a team. i've got you, alright?"
you smiled again that same sweet smile he'd kiss goodnight forever if you'd let him. "alright." and then you snagged another fry from his meal, eyes flickering up to meet him. "thanks for being on my team, shua."
for you? he'd be anything you needed. teammate, cheerleader, manager... just say the word.
wen junhui
"you forgot them."
jun wasn't afraid to speak up for you. seungkwan had been getting a head count of the group since he'd been the unlucky volunteer to go back inside the vacation home to get drinks, and he paused immediately at jun's casual statement. his gaze flickered over to where you were sitting next to jun, visibly flustered, and everyone else had suddenly shut up.
"huh?"
jun waved it off casually. "you forgot to count them," he said, arm curling around you. "just don't forget to get their drink."
"it's okay," you squeezed his hip gently. "i could have gotten my own drink--"
"seungkwan lost the game, so it's his job," jeonghan called out from his spot on the other side of the fire. he was always so mindful of you and how you got timid when around the full group. "don't be sorry about it."
"seungkwan should be sorry," chan said without missing a beat. "he's the one that forgot them."
mingyu caught seungkwan by the back of his shirt before he could step towards chan, instead pulling him back into his arms with a lighthearted laugh. "i'll help you," he said. "come on. let's get everyone their drinks."
you watched the two wander off, fingers already curling around the edge of jun's shirt. all you had to do was give it the slightest tug to earn his attention. "you didn't have to do that," you said softly.
his brows raised a little. "hm?" he looked toward where the pair had left. "did you want to get your own drink?"
"no, i..." you pursed your lips. how did you say 'i'm used to being forgotten' without it sounding bad? you were typically the quieter one in a group. if you weren't with your close friends, then people seemed to overlook you by accident--just as seungkwan had done. "it's normal for me, that's all."
"it's his job, though," jun said, as casual as he could be about it. "if you wanted to get your own drink, that's fine--but it shouldn't be because he miscounted."
if it wouldn't net him a little teasing, you would kiss him here. even a chaste kiss on the cheek earned teasing with all his friends present. so you just snuggled in, knee pressing against his, and gave him a quick squeeze around the middle. it was subtle enough no one would comment on it.
"thank you, jun," you said softly. "i..." get nervous with large groups. but he already knew that.
even if it earned him a little teasing, he leaned in to press a kiss into your hair. "i've got you," he promised. "don't worry. i'll always remember you."
kwon soonyoung
all of this fucking sucked and there was no place you wanted to be more than home. but you were always a bit of a pushover, always the person who said no to going out, to going to clubs, to doing things in highly busy places when you could barely move... and yet here you were, completely miserable. why did your friends even invite you to places like this now? you'd compromised with them in the past (clubs that were a little less packed than the one you were in, or going to karaoke to drink and sing so they could get loud if they wanted), but it felt like those days were slipping away now. you hugged yourself tight, trying to make yourself smaller as you kept to a side table while they danced their hearts out with strangers. it was too loud and too cramped, and your drinks tasted disgusting, and you'd swallowed your struggles for the past few hours. when was the last time your friends did something you wanted to do...?
then your phone lit up. tap tap?
you responded in kind: tap tap.
be there in ten!
soonyoung had established this system with you forever ago. he'd gone off talking about his experience in martial arts and that tapping out was basically the way to get out of it all. you'd expressed a little confusion over the subject: wasn't the point of martial arts to, you know, to fight? but he'd played with your fingers idly, humming to himself as he considered the way to explain it simplest.
"everyone has different limits," was what he had settled on, looking up to meet your eyes that day. "so if you meet your limit... just text that to me and we can leave. no one has to know what it means."
you gathered your things as silently as you could, just to ensure you still had your belongings at this point. you danced with your friends earlier, only to tap out of that when you wanted another drink. someone had said something raunchy to you, and been kind-of a dick when you tried to innocently mention you had a boyfriend (then why are you even here?). thus you sentenced yourself to the sidelines. out of sight, out of mind, out of trouble.
soonyoung didn't seem to care that he was in his sweats. no doubt he sweet-talked the bouncer into letting him in to find you quickly and leave, because he'd already taken your hand the moment he made his way to you. he guided you out of the place, waved to the guy, and made off with your hand in his.
"i don't like these friends," he said outright once you were far away enough and your hearing was starting to return. your head still felt slightly fuzzy from it all. "why do you let them treat you like this?"
you'd been friends with this group since college. they went out clubbing then, too, but they had never pressured you to go with them then--and they still made an effort to do fun things they liked that you also liked. when did that start changing? you counted back the time. longer than six months ago? a year? what changed--
you looked at soonyoung. oh. that's what changed. soonyoung came into your life and gave you a safe place to be yourself. and around then, that's when your friends had begun making comments about how you were always so 'safe' and too timid for things. pushing boundaries was good, right?
soonyoung took your hands in his. "you shouldn't let them force you into this so often," he said, voice gentle. "i know it's hard for you to say no, but... you look miserable still."
you shook your head. not tonight. please not tonight. and soonyoung nodded in kind, squeezing your hands.
"my housemates are home watching movies," he said. "we can make more popcorn! i washed your spare clothes so you can get all comfy," he beamed at you. "but if you don't want to hang out with them, we can watch something in my room instead. is that better?"
you liked soonyoung's housemates. you shook your head. "can i sit between you and jun?"
he giggled, kissing you gently. "as long as you don't mind him cuddling with you, too."
with soonyoung around... you were more okay with anything.
jeon wonwoo
you had never believed in soulmates before, but if you had to pick one... you were pretty sure wonwoo was it. the two of you had met through a mutual friend (one kim mingyu, who was your loud, loud neighbor at one point--but also the guy who brought over food when you were sick and took care of you when you had no one else to help you), who had turned to you and said he knew someone perfect for you. the two of you met in a bookstore for your date, and the rest was history. wonwoo put you at ease faster than anyone had ever done before, and you were sure that it was because the two of you were alike.
case in point: it was saturday night, and wonwoo was spending it with you. "with" being used loosely: he wasn't talking to you, mostly muttering under his breath to himself, nor were you doing something together. he was curled up on the couch, playing a video game by himself, while you were happily doing a jigsaw puzzle today. saturday was cozy days in this apartment. fridays were when the two of you ventured out. sometimes you went out for dinner, or went to the movies, or went to a mall just to explore for hours. sometimes you were joined by friends, other times it was just the two of you. but that's how things were with you and wonwoo: the weekdays after work could be spend doing whatever the two of you wanted to do. the weekends were for relaxing at home, save for the occasional party (usually birthdays, but you made your fair share of appearances outside of those) the two of you made plans around.
being with wonwoo was easy. his introverted nature seemed to go hand in hand with your shyness. he was okay with speaking for you when you were particularly nervous with people, and he was equally fine holding your hand when you felt okay enough to speak up. he never judged you. being with wonwoo was safe. the most he ever did were the gentle chuckles that sounded from him when he was admiring you, finding tiny bits of your behavior particularly endearing.
"wonwoo?" you called out. he pulled off one set of his headphones, peering back at you for you to continue. "i love you."
his gaze softened. "i love you, too." he didn't turn away yet, though. "are you thinking about something?"
he always seemed to read you easily (you were his favorite book, in his humble opinion). you averted your gaze, already feeling the heat flood into your cheeks. being with wonwoo was easy, yes, but your shyness always seemed to take hold when it came to your feelings past those three words. "i just..." you fiddled with your fingers. "i was thinking about you. and... you're always really kind to me, you know? i don't have to, y'know, worry about messing up with you. i can... i can just be me, timidness and all."
wonwoo just seemed to admire you now, the softest smile on his face. "right... because you accept me as i am. i like this," he gestured a little to the room in general. "we don't have to go out all the time and do things. it's like..." he trailed off for a moment. "you're going to make fun of me."
you waved a hand, "no, no, just say it. i won't, i promise."
"we're cats." he paused when he heard you snort a little in response, but continued. "you've seen them before. some cats just laze around each other, and that's enough because they're spending that time together. we don't have to be doing the same thing... but just knowing we can spend this time together shows me that we love each other." he paused again, waving a hand, "not that i don't love doing things with you! it's just nice to know that we fit together."
"like a puzzle," you said absentmindedly. it earned a soft chuckle from wonwoo in kind.
"yes." he set aside his controller, making his way to you. "like a puzzle." he pulled out the chair across from you. he'd reached out, picking up a piece. "may i?"
"you may," you giggled, watching him carefully put it into place. "wonwoo?" you reached forward, brushing his hair from his eyes. "you're my favorite puzzle piece."
he chuckled warmly, cupping your cheek for a moment. "you're mine, too."
lee jihoon
the relationship you had with jihoon was maybe one of the slower ones anyone had seen. it wasn't for lack of attraction at all--anyone who spoke to you or jihoon knew that the two of you had fallen for each other. but for the longest time, both of you grew flustered when it came to skinship in public. the most either of you could handle was holding hands through busy crowds. the moment one of his friends noticed and called attention to it? you separated. it was why soonyoung, seungcheol, and vernon became jihoon's defense squad: if someone noticed that jihoon was holding your hand or arm or anything... one of the three were there to keep them from commenting on it.
and their jobs were harder now that jihoon had brought you on a trip with them all. he wanted you there, you needed a break from work after saving so much vacation time, and having a group of friends present made things a tad easier and also harder. easier because you didn't have to worry about things being awkward with you and jihoon, and harder because holy fuck, jihoon had a lot of friends. you'd ended up attached to vernon out of all of them. something about the guy's laid back nature put you the most at ease (wonwoo was right next on that list, though).
"hey, um..." you had tugged on his sleeve to get his attention, always so careful of other people's boundaries. "i know what you're doing."
jihoon had looked up from his phone, eyes flickering from you to vernon. "huh?" he paused, voice soft, "has he been bothering you--"
"no! nonono--" you waved a hand. "no. um. jihoon. you brought it up last night."
vernon looked between the two of you. "what?"
"you tell the others to knock it off anytime they see us touch at all," jihoon said outright. he was good at that when you were starting to shy away from things. "it's not a big deal. we're adults."
truth be told, it was usually mingyu who brought it up. but the others gave their fair share of loving teasing toward jihoon when they noticed the way he held tightly onto your hand at times, or the loving way he gazed at you. they always took glee in watching his face turn redder and redder. but you... you had always been a different case. jihoon could handle the teasing: he wouldn't stand it for you, even if he knew it was coming as a symbol of their acceptance toward you. you needed to say if it was alright first, not them.
"i just..." you were getting flustered over it. "i appreciate it. i like you guys a lot, but it gets kinda embarrassing when someone like jeonghan teases us like we're teenagers on a first date."
"they're shy," jihoon ran his thumb along the back of your hand. "not a kid."
vernon looked between the two of you, and something clicked. there was this understanding between the two of you that no one else had quite understood yet. all of them knew how jihoon was when it came to skinship: he didn't want to be treated like a child. and you, with your shyness, could be seen in a similar light. maybe that was why the two of you clicked so well. something about yourselves could be misconstrued and used to speak down to you, and both of you recognized that in each other and respected the other's wishes.
"yeah! yeah, i get it," he nodded. "i'm glad you guys have each other."
you averted your gaze, lips forming a subtle smile. "thanks," you said, voice quieter than before.
the two of you separated from vernon after a little more conversation, and he watched as jihoon flexed his fingers before clutching your hand in his own. and when no one was looking, he leaned in, whispering something into your ear before kissing the skin right in front of it.
the two of you were happy. and that was all that mattered to any of them.
lee seokmin
seokmin knew that, as well as you could mesh into social situations now, there was one thing that made you more nervous than anything. and that was when pictures were being taken.
he had his fair share of candids of you saved in his phone for his eyes only (or, well, his eyes and anyone who caught a glance at his home screen--his lockscreen would always be a picture of the two of you). pictures with or taken by seokmin were in this different realm of 'safe,' according to you. hell, pictures taken by you were safe, too. but he'd seen the way you tried to duck out of pictures constantly, always uncomfortable when they came up in mandatory situations.
so when he saw the wedding photographer's assistant making his rounds to grab pictures of the guests during the reception... his hand tightened a little around yours. he leaned in, lips grazing your ear for a moment, "just stay close to me and i'll block what i can, if you want."
you had been confused at first, only to spot the guy a moment later. you glanced down at yourself, brows drawing together. being a distant face in the wedding video during the ceremony had already been a little nerve-wracking, but photos of you... you looked at seokmin, a deer in the headlights. "i..."
you told him once that you didn't like pictures of yourself because you felt out of place in them. it all came from a lack of confidence that you managed to find when you were in control, or when you were seeing yourself through seokmin's lens. he clutched your hand tight, guiding you away from where you'd been sitting together, watching others dance.
"seokmin, wait," you tugged him to a stop as he guided you toward a side door. "you don't have to. i can go by myself--"
he shook his head. "he got pictures of me when i was dancing with minghao earlier," he said. "we can go outside for a minute, okay? you can't avoid all pictures tonight, but..."
you already knew that: hence why you were avoiding these. you were already tired, clothing a little less neat compared to this morning, and all you could think about was how thankful you were for seokmin. you squeezed his hand. "okay," you said softly. "then... lead the way."
(and if mingyu snapped a picture from a window of the two of you walking outside... then you were okay with it. just this once.)
kim mingyu
if there was one thing you were thankful for, it was that mingyu talked about you constantly. you weren't exactly the most outgoing person, always a little too nervous when it came to people you didn't know... and with a silly, loving boyfriend who also happens to be incredibly handsome, some people were all too eager to flirt wih him. as much as it made you a little insecure (and a lot more jealous, to be honest), you trusted mingyu wholeheartedly. mainly because you'd seen the way he reacted when people started flirting.
"i'm married," was his go-to now. neither of you were married (mingyu said he was fine marrying you as much as he was fine not doing it: he was committed to you, period, and didn't need papers to say that if you didn't want them), but the rings you wore were wedding band-adjacent. you had wanted a pair that looked simpler because your work could dirty your hands sometimes (thus you wanted something easy to clean), and mingyu liked the sleek look of these compared to the others.
sometimes you swore he took a little too much joy out of flashing his "wedding band" at people. he told you once that it was because people always backtrack so hard, it's a little amusing.
except when you were standing right next to him. that was when mingyu pulled you into his arms, giggling like a dummy (your dummy, always) as he showed off his ring. "we're married, actually," he would say. "aren't they cute?" he giggled. "they're still so shy after all this time..."
the person had wandered off, face burning with embarrassment, but seungcheol rolled his eyes from where he was boxing up your chocolates. "for how long?"
mingyu smiled, arms still securely around you. "ah... does the time really matter?" he swayed a little, dragging you along with the motion. "we're together for life. that's all that matters now--"
"you suck at lying." seungcheol smiled a little when that earned a snort from you.
mingyu just hugged you tighter. "someone has to do it!" he nuzzled your head. "and i like doing it. did you see their face when i said we were married? it's cute."
seungcheol rolled his eyes. "so i've heard."
"are you saying they aren't cute?" mingyu's voice became more serious now. would he be pouting if you turned to look at his face? you weren't sure, but with mingyu... you felt like it might be a safe bet. "they're right here. don't be mean to them."
"if i called them cute, then i'd never hear the end of it from you."
something about the way they continued to bicker like brothers finally earned a laugh from you, hands holding securely onto mingyu's arms. it stopped him there, and he immediately dove around you to kiss your cheek.
"see?" mingyu said. "they're cute. shyness and all."
xu minghao
"cute."
you looked up from your book, curled up on one end of your couch. minghao was smiling at you, head propped up by his hand as he leaned against the back of the couch. you knew this smile too well now: something inside that cute head of his had stirred awake and decided now was the time to tease you. you'd seen stoic, serious minghao plenty of times, alongside the wittier, snarky version of your boyfriend you had fallen for after he made one snappy comment back at one of his friends... but playful, silly minghao would always be your favorite flavor of him. except for when 'silly, playful' meant complimenting you. minghao knew compliments were your weakness in life.
"hm?" you sounded, hoping that maybe you heard him wrong. "did you say something."
"you heard me." that same smile greeted you now. "you're cute."
shit. shit. this was already a losing battle as you shrink down against the couch, the hood of your hoodie being dragged up. "hao... don't."
"hm?" he reached out, pushing your book out of the way--just enough that he could see your face. "don't what? tell the truth? you know i think you're cute, why shouldn't i say it?"
"it's embarrassing." you looked away.
"we're the only ones here, my love." your heart rate spiked for a moment: not the 'my love'. he knew what those words did to you. your ears were burning now, and you continued to hide yourself in your hoodie.
"still..." you already knew he had won this, whatever it was. you shoved your bookmark into your book, setting it aside as you continued to hide, tugging at the drawstring from your hood to close it around you. your voice grew higher as you finally confessed, "you're cuter."
"we're not talking about me right now," he had begun to move in. "you're just proving me right, you know. you're cute." he nudged your knees aside as he propped himself up over you.
this man was going to be the death of you.
he tugged the hood away from your face, string coming loose with ease. "see?" he poked the tip of your nose. "cute. it's a fact."
all too easily, you gave in when he wrapped his arms around you, tugging you so that you could be closer to you. he folded himself around you, burying his face in your neck as he breathed out a happy sigh.
"is something up?" you asked quietly. "i mean--i don't, up, i don't mind the sappy stuff. just..."
"i'm fine," he pecked your neck, nose grazing against the underside of your jaw. "just needed to love you louder today." he paused, raising his gaze to meet yours as he leaned around you. "is that okay?"
with a sigh, you settled into his arms. "yeah," you mumbled. "always okay. thank you for asking."
boo seungkwan
this was mortifying. what if you died right here? would that be better than witnessing this? chan had an arm around you while vernon was trying to pull seungkwan back. you just wanted one nice night with your boyfriend and his friends, and now seungkwan was very loudly arguing with someone who had said something not-so-nice about you relying on him so much. you were fine when it was just the four of you, but seungkwan knew you. he knew you struggled with being heard: hence why he reiterated your request on your behalf.
"they're my partner and i'm not going to let you speak about them like that!" he balled his fists. "just because they won't complain doesn't mean you can insult them to their face!"
"seungkwan," vernon pulled his arm harder. "dude. we're gonna get kicked out."
"fine!" he said, looking back at vernon. "i don't care! he was rude to them and made fun of them--they don't get to insult anyone i love like that!"
"seungkwan," you called out, finally getting his attention. you shook your head. "it's okay. let's just go."
he stole one last glance at the asshole he'd been yelling at, before taking a breath. seungkwan pulled away from vernon, making his way over to you as he took your hand. the four of you left, heading back outside as seungkwan immediately rounded to face you once you were far enough away from the place. he waved for the other two to go on--he just needed to speak to you alone. seungkwan took your hands, squeezing them gently.
"are you okay? did i ruin our night?" he frowned, pausing as he tugged at your sleeve to fix it back into place. "i would have let it go if he didn't make fun of you."
"it's okay," you said. "i'm sorry you always have to do this for me."
he blinked. "hm?" he looked back. "that place was busy. vernon didn't hear you, so i made sure your request got across." he paused, realization hitting him. "not that it matters now..."
"you guys can go back without me," you said, pulling your hands free. "i'm gonna go home."
"but--" he stepped forward. "you don't have to. we can go somewhere else." he paused for a moment. "i'm sorry i started yelling at him. i..." he took a deep breath. "i love you, and i don't care that you get shy or nervous or whatever you want to call it. i'm happy to talk for both of us if that's what you need me to do." he paused. "do you really want to go home?"
you nodded. "a little."
"then i'll go with you," he took your hand. "we'll come back out another night."
you squeezed his hand. "seungkwan?" you interlaced your fingers with his. "thanks for having my back."
"thank you for having mine," he pecked your cheek. "i'll always be here."
chwe vernon
the moment you turned the corner, vernon immediately straightened up, all signs of 'illness' seeming to disappear entirely. it made you slow to a stop, hand leaving his as you stare at him. was... was that why he was so insistent on not taking a cab home? he'd said the night air might help if you walked a little, but...
"alright. where to?" he turned, phone already in hand. "there's that dessert place you like. wait, did you eat? we could grab something else instead--"
"i thought you were sick." you sounded dumbfounded, and vernon blinked.
"you wanted to get out of there." a true fact, but you hadn't said it to vernon yet. "oh, dude. you get this look on your face." he made his way over to you. "like... you looked miserable. so i figured i'd take one for the team and pretend i'm sick so you wouldn't have to come up with an excuse again."
your cats could only get sick so many times without people wondering if something was wrong with them, after all.
you frowned. "you didn't have to do that."
"i kinda did." he took your hands. "like... i saw the look on your face. the 'please stop asking me about work, and my relationship, and my life, i'm going to pass out' face. remember that work thing you took me to? you did that face there, too."
maybe you loved this man more than anything.
"so... where do you wanna go? we could go back to my place. i've got popcorn, we could steal seungcheol's netflix account again, watch something dumb."
it earned a giggle from you. "he knows, right?"
"you haven't seen the new profile he made last week." he pulled you back with him, letting you follow his steps, "named it freeloaders. we're not the only ones using it, y'know."
you giggled again. between vernon, mingyu, and wonwoo... you weren't surprised seungcheol knew the netflix account was getting used by more than just him. they shared accounts, after all. he was using vernon's disney plus account often enough, mainly to get to hulu.
"just say the word if you ever want me to make up something, by the way," he squeezed your hand. "i know you get bad with people sometimes. let me handle it, alright?"
at least you had vernon in your life to make it all easer.
lee chan
chan chuckled. "it's okay," he said as he felt you bury your face in his neck. "i don't think he'll think anything of it."
chan was beyond used to seeing you flustered over the silliest little things. while he replayed his own slip-ups later on, you wore your emotions plain on your face after finishing a phone call with your close friend (and the guy who introduced you to chan), seungcheol. you'd slipped up and said an innocent 'love you!' to him, something chan always saw coming considering you'd long-since confessed that he felt like family to you. he saw the regret on your face for saying it so casually to a friend when it took you forever to say it to chan, and now he was fighting back the urge to laugh as you whined.
"he's never gonna let me live it down."
chan patted your back gently, chuckling a little now. seungcheol definitely wouldn't let it go--at least not to chan. "you're close friends! friends can say they love each other."
"i know, but..." you squeezed your eyes shut. "it's embarrassing. he didn't even say anything back and--and you know how cheol is."
that he did. chan heard your phone chime, and reached for it to steal a quick look... only to see seungcheol had texted you back: CALL ME BACK >:(
"baby?" he held up your phone, waving it in front of your face. "he's waiting."
"nooooooo," you whined again. "he's gonna make fun of me."
your phone began to ring. chan didn't hesitate to answer it, putting seungcheol on speaker. "they're dying, cheol."
"they didn't let me say it back!"
you buried your face further into chan's neck. of course seungcheol took it in stride--and of course his real problem was that you didn't give him the chance to say it back. chan let out a snort, hand curling around the back of your head as he gave it a quick pat.
"you're killing them still. you know how they get with affection."
you knew seungcheol was rolling his eyes with that annoyed sigh he let out. "they're like family. i wasn't going to be mad until they hung up on me before i could say it."
the affection truly was killing you. chan had seen you bury your face in his neck before, always too embarrassed to just accept the sweet words of anyone--especially himself. he called you one night to drunkenly ramble about his affections for you, and immediately apologized when you broke your favorite mug while you were mentally malfunctioning. even now, he felt the way you grabbed at his shirt, face burning hot with embarrassment. this was the reason why he could never arrange a surprise party for you: you might pass out if so many people broadcast their love for you at once.
"so?" seungcheol said, and you could hear someone laughing in the background. mingyu for sure, and someone else. "ignore them."
"love you, cheol," you mumbled. "sorry i hung up earlier."
your apology was met with a warm chuckle. "it's okay. let me know when you're coming over for dinner again," he said, and then paused for a second, "bring your boyfriend, too."
chan gasped in mock offense, as though he hadn't been sitting there the entire time. he hung up the call, and immediately wrapped his arms around you. "you love me more, right?" he teased, just to see that cute pout on your face. he'll kiss it soon, too.
you averted your gaze, face burning hot now. first cheol, now chan? "you know i do."
"say it." he poked your side, just to watch you squirm. "or else."
you could feel the way his fingers were starting to tickle your sides. "chan!"
all too easily, he'd made you forget about your nervous blunder as he dove forward to kiss you amidst your giggles. "say it!"
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taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny
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03jyh23 · 6 months ago
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— i haven't kissed you yet today || choi san
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genre: fluff
trigger warnings: none
words: 900
reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.
!minors do not interact!
— hi there! this request was in my inbox for an unholy amount of time. currently, i need some breather from all the angst im working on and i decided to give this request a shot! hope my lovely anon will enjoy this small piece of work!
love, monika. ♡
if you enjoyed this post, i’d be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!
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You were lying on your bed, the soft comforter providing a comforting warmth. The setting sunbathed the bedroom in a beautiful golden light. It was a lazy day, with your activities limited to fetching food or using the bathroom while binge-watching your new favorite series. In recent weeks San's schedule become incredibly hectic due to his idol responsibilities, leaving him little time for his boyfriend duties. He had left home early today again, and you were somewhat upset that he hadn't woken you up to say goodbye. Picking up your phone, you contemplated sending a message, but decided against it, not wanting to add to his already overwhelming responsibilities. Instead, you nestled deeper into the comforter. After several hours of continuous watching, even the most interesting series could lose its charm. So, you decided it was time to close your laptop and give your eyes a much-needed rest. You twisted and turned, trying to find that perfect spot. The bedroom was silent, save for the occasional rustling of the sheets. The golden hues of the setting sun had long faded, replaced by the soft glow of the moonlight seeping through the window. 
Awoken by the noise of unlocking doors, you were in a half-asleep, half-awake state. You clung to your comforter, pulling it closer to your body in a futile attempt to stay asleep. Its weight seemed to keep you in your dreams, but reality kept intruding. You heard the rustle of fabric as San removed his jacket, the sound a testament to the long day he must have had. Following that, the muted thud of his bag hitting the floor echoed in the quiet room. A few heartbeats later, the soft patter of his steps grew louder as he approached the bedroom. Soon after, you heard his footsteps getting louder as he came towards the bedroom. The bed dipped slightly under his weight as he slid in beside you. You could feel the warmth radiating from your boyfriend, his scent filled your nostrils, combining his faded cologne and a faint hint of sweat. 
"Baby?" San murmured, his fingers brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face. "Are you awake?" he asked gently, trying not to startle you. Despite your best efforts to remain asleep, the sound of his voice pulled you towards consciousness. You hummed in response, still unwilling to open your eyes. He chuckled softly at your response. "I'm sorry I came home late," he whispered, his voice laced with guilt. 
You shrugged lightly, turning your face to him. "It's okay," you mumbled, your voice muffled by the comforter. "I'm just glad you're home." He smiled in the darkness, pulling you closer. His arms wrapped around you, providing a warmth far better than any comforter. 
San leaned closer, his face just inches from yours. "You know," he said, his playful voice filled with affection, "I haven't kissed you yet today." 
Your heart fluttered at his words, a warmth spreading through your chest. You chuckled softly, looking into his eyes. "Well, we can't have that, can we?" you replied, barely a whisper against the intimate silence. With a gentle, almost shy smile, San closed the small distance between you, his lips meeting yours in a sweet, lingering kiss. It was the kind of kiss that made time seem to slow down, each moment lingering in the sweet love between you. "Better?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. 
"Much better," he replied, his thumb tracing a soft line along your jaw. "But I think I need one more, just to be sure." 
You chuckled softly, your heart swelling with love for the man beside you. "Well, if you insist," you teased, your lips finding his once more. It was just you and San, wrapped up in each other, sharing a perfect moment. It was a reminder of why you loved him so much, and why, despite the hectic schedules, you wouldn't change a thing. 
San pulled you in closer, your head now resting on his chest. You could hear the steady rhythm of his heart beating, a comforting lullaby in the quiet room. He kissed the top of your head, his lips lingering for longer than usual. "Goodnight, baby," he whispered, his voice filled with warmth and affection. As the whisper left his lips, you felt a sense of calm envelope you. The day's stress seemed to melt away with your boyfriend's comforting presence. A soft sigh escaped you, content as you drifted to sleep, nestled securely against him. San's hand gently ran through your hair, the action absent-minded yet filled with affection. It was a simple gesture, one that he probably wasn't even aware of, but it spoke volumes about his feelings for you. It was these moments, the quiet, intimate exchanges when it was just the two of you, that made everything worth it. You knew that no matter how hectic life got, you'd always have these moments to look forward to - the quiet nights spent in each other's arms, the shared laughter and whispered words of love. As you drifted off into a peaceful slumber, you knew that despite the challenges, there was nowhere else you'd rather be. 
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little-forest-goblin · 1 month ago
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Soft touches, silent roads
Warnings: Smut MDNI 18+
Contains: oral (f and m receiving), p in v, dirty talk, light choking (very brief) praise, mostly soft dom five (There is a little roughness), face fucking, cum eating, creampie (i hate the word too), car sex, bad writing, grammatical errors
Synopsis: You and five were at graces birthday party. You and him haven’t seen each other in a long time so there is a lot of unspoken things between you and him especially the unspoken love and desire between you and him that was never addressed properly. (The events of the fourth season never occurred)
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The birthday party was all out which was really sweet of Diego and Lila. The kids were having so much fun which was even sweeter. Lila’s family was very kind too. It was odd seeing the family after a long while. Especially poor Klaus who was a raging germaphobe and extremely sober. which the sober part isn’t a bad thing but the germaphobic tendencies is a little bit odd. No matter you’re just glad he is getting himself mostly together. Luther was what he called “A professional dancer” which obviously was not true but you know what…good for him. There was Allison worried and scared that everybody hated her. Viktor was kinda off to the side since he didn’t really want anything to do with any of us which you guess kinda makes sense after the shit we’ve been through. you cant blame him completely for not wanting anything to do with us but its nice to know he cares still to show up. Ben was sulking about just getting out of jail and about his “Business”. You really just hope he will get his shit together. Then lo and behold there was five. The one man you were nervous to talk to. The one that made your heart race and your face flush. You haven’t spoken to him in a long time. Life caught up to you, you were healing from trauma and getting your own shit together. That being said he was always on your mind no matter how hard you tried to push him or the thoughts away. It was always a haunting thought in the back of your mind. A space just for him that was rent free. You looked over to him and to your surprise you caught him looking at you. His own eyes went a little wide with nervousness and looked away sipping his beer and looked back into the ball-pit where luther tried to scare him and ben. You felt your face flush and you looked away.
After a ruined back and a piñata issue it was time for everyone to go home. Sadly your car was being the biggest asshole of the day cause it decided to break down the day before. You had to take a uber which was scary at this time of night. You walked out the doors and leaned against the wall of the building. You went onto your phone to look for an uber when five came out he saw you and came on over “Hey” you looked to him your face flushing as you saw those piercing green eyes “H-hey” he chuckled and leaned against the wall his arms crossed “What are you doing? Aren’t you gonna head home?” you sighed and shut pff your phone putting it in your pocket “My car broke down yesterday. The hunk of junk had to be a paid actor cause that was to perfectly timed.” he smiled “So what gives?” you sighed “Im getting an uber. It may not be the safest but i need to go home somehow.” he nodded. it was silent for a minute as he looked at you his eyes traveling down then up at your face again trying to stay calm but if you looked close you’d notice he swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. “You can ride with me” you look at him wide eyed “Wait what?” he looked at your eyes “Yeah you can ride with me. I don’t want you getting hurt or worse.” you bit your lip nervously “no no its okay i-“ five cut you off before you could say anything else “No i insist come on” he took your hand and gently led you to his car almost seeming eager. Your hand in his, skin against skin sent electricity through you and a shiver down your spine. You almost wanted to kick yourself cause it was such a simple touch. How the hell are you getting so worked up over such a simple god damn touch! is…is he getting worked up too? Is he feeling the same? You let him lead you to his car. He opens the passenger side for you “After you, princess” he smiled you chuckled and got into the car “My, what a gentleman!” he laughed and closed the door and got into the driver seat.
You and him have been driving for some time. At some point during the night drive home it began to rain. You looked to him his hands gripping the steering wheel. it was almost white knuckled how hard he was holding it. You swallowed as your eyes traveled over the veins in his hands. they were prominent and an indicator of what hid under his suit. you looked to his face his eyes slightly squinted to look out the glass windshield past the rain and slight fogging. his lips and nose those piercing green eyes and hair that made your insides flutter. You always were weak when it came to this man. he glanced to you and back to the road. “Whats with that look for?” you blushed lightly and looked back out the window “nothing.” the rain started to come down harder and tension built until the glass fogged up to much and the rain poured a little to hard. “Fuck it” he pulled into an empty lot and parked the car. you looked at him confused “woah hey wha-“ he unbuckled and turned to you “Don’t say it isn’t nothing. I don’t want it to be nothing. I know it isn’t nothing.” you looked him in his eyes. his eyes looked a little desperate almost pleading. You wanted to say it you knew it wasn’t nothing but something in you still wanted to deny from fear of scaring him away “Five i-its nothing i’m being honest” he shook his head “Don’t say that…it isn’t. Me and you have always beat around the bush. When i’m with you i cant help it but to beat around the bush cause i’m afraid to lose you. I don’t want to scare you away but god damn it y/n i cant do it any longer. Y/n i love you. You are in my mind no matter how much i try to push it away. I cant pretend that i don’t love you cause i do. Y/n i love you and i was too afraid to say it but now i’m not. i’ve gotten my shit together for the most part and me beating around the bush is not something i wanna do anymore.” you looked at him incredulously. He just professed his love to you. after so long of lingering stares and touches that lasted a little too long all coming to a sorta close. you swallowed “Five i have also loved you…i’ve loved you even as i kept distance for 6 years i was in love with you as we danced at the wedding at the end of the world i was in love with you as we saved the world in the 60’s and i have loved you before. I was also too afraid to say it.” he looked at you with eyes that held love and adoration. His face came closer to yours both of you so close his breath fanned across your face you swallowed and kept eye contact with him. he looked from your lips to your eyes “Y/n?” you kept your eyes locked with his “Yeah?” “can i kiss you?” you felt your breath hitch “God yes” he didn’t need to be told twice. His lips were on yours kissing desperately. his hands came to either side of your face holding you close. your hands came around his neck one along his back and one traveled into his hair giving a slight tug making him groan. He lightly bit at your bottom lip and tugged gently. you whimpered softly and he growled at that lovely sound you made. his hands went from either side of your face and at the top of your arms feeling the skin under your sleeves. his lips traveled from your lips to your jaw and to your neck. his kissed almost reverently until he started to nibble and suck to create a dark purple love bite. you let out shuddering breath and you licked your bottom lip wetting it a little “f-five…fuck” he detached his lips looking up at you with a hint of concern “You okay? does it feel okay?” you nodded “Feels good…so good…” his eyes darkened and growled softly “Such a good girl made just for me” he kissed and sucked your skin. after some time “I need you now baby please. Let me have you” he looked up at you with a hint of pleading but there was room for you to say no and back away but thats not happening “Yes”
you and him had got into the back seat. he swallowed as he gently pulled your shirt over your head. he let out a breath ans he was speechless for a minute. you got a little worried and self conscious thinking maybe he was changing his mind. your hands where going to go around your body to cover but his hands where quick but gentle to pull your hands away “no…no, don’t cover…you’re gorgeous i wanna see you, love” you felt relief flood through your body. you let him guide your hands away from your body. his hands pulled you closer and held you to him and kissed the side of your neck as he undid your bra letting your tits loose from the prison you call a bra. he growled a little “Fuck look at you. perfect pretty girl. can i touch them baby?” you nodded and he shook his head his hand traveled to the back of your neck pulling you closer “Ah ah baby i gotta hear you say it okay? use your words for me, hm?” you swallowed nervousness and excitement coursing through you “Y-yes…please touch me” he hummed in appreciation “Good girl” his hands came away the back of your neck and to your tits squeezing and kneading softly feeling there shape. he leaned down and kissed the top of one of your breasts and bit down and sucked pulling the skin in to make a love bite, marking you as his own. You moaned and blushed deeply. he soon pulled off and let go of your tits his hand traveling around your neck “Lie back in the seat for me baby. i gotta have a taste of you” you nodded. your cunt was soaked through your panties you could feel it the wet patch there was probably noticeable. He traveled down kissing down the valley of your breasts to your stomach all the way to the waistband. His fingers curled around the waistband looking up at you for permission. you nodded and he wasted no time pulling it down revealing the pretty black pair you on. his chuckle was mixed with a light growl “Oh baby did you wear these just for me?” you and him both knew that this was not planned before hand so no but god damn it were you gonna entertain it “Y-yeah…wore them just for you” he hummed in appreciation and kissed your clothed clit making you jump a little “Knew you would. You’re such a good girl. always so sweet” you blushed and let out a shuddered breath. his fingers curled around the bottom of your panties and pulled them down off your legs and let them join the pile on the floor. he wet his bottom lip as he stared “O-oh baby…this is what you’ve hidden from me for far to long?” he kissed you clit reverently sending a shock of pleasure before he started to really get to it. his tongue licking at your slit and up to your clit. his lips wrapped around your clit and focused his tongue and attention there. you moaned and shivered. your hand traveling into his hair looking down at him only causing you to get more worked up. “o-oh fuck five god damn it” your head fell back as you panted. he chuckled sending another shock of electricity “That good baby?” you nodded. your thighs shook and threatened to close around his head. before they could his hands wrapped around them. keeping them opened “Ah ah baby keep them nice and open for me, good girl” he devoured you like you where the most delicious meal and you felt that cord within you tighten and threaten to snap. your moans came out louder and he knew you where close. his thumb came to your clit and rubbed gentle circles while his tongue focused on your slit. you felt your orgasm crash down on you and he licked away your cum with eagerness “mmm sweet tasting girl. perfect for me” he came up for air panting. his chin had your slick down it. he wiped away at it and leaned down to kiss you. his tongue and your taste together was divine. you moaned softly. you felt his hard cock through his pants. you pulled back “let me help you…please?” your hand traveled to palm him and he let out a stuttering breath “Only if you really want to baby.” you looked him in his eyes “i want too…please let me” he smiled and kissed you one more time and sat up and let you move to in front of him in the backseat.
you and him had moved the front seat chairs up so you and him could have room. He let out a shuddering breath as you unbuckled him from his cloth prison. once his boxers were pulled down and away his cock was up against his stomach your eyes widened a little in surprise cause he was bigger then you expected. i guess what the world didn’t give him in height gave in length. he chuckled “surprised?” you nodded a little more eagerly then you wanted it to be “Yeah… i am actually. im not say i was expecting it to be small i just thought you’d be average or something” he chuckled and his hand came to your head pulling your hair back into a makeshift ponytail “Doll, im hurt! uou had no faith in me?” five feigned hurt with a mock pout. you chuckled “im sorry, baby. Let me make it up to you” your lips went to his head. he groaned “Fuuuck, doll.” your tongue flattened and you took more of him. his hand was in your hair helping you bob your head. he groaned and his head rolled back “just like that baby mhm so good your taking me so good” you whined and looked up at him. he looked down at you and his cock twitched “Fuck baby you cant look at me like that i’ll blow my load to fast” you giggled a little till he pushed your head down more and groaned. he face fucked you bobbing your head for you. “Fuck just like that doll flatten that pretty fucking tongue!” he growled his eyes dark and his pupils blown wide. “Thats it take it like the good sweet girl you are. Good girl” he moaned and his head fell back against the seat. his balls tightened he came down your throat. you went wide eyed swallowing it down. he pulled out panting. he looked down at you his hands untangling from your hair and tucked your hair behind your ear and away from your face “You okay baby?” you nodded wiping away tears “Yeah i’m okay.” he smiled and helped you onto his lap and kissed you softly. “I was a little rough baby i’m sorry” his thumbs gently swiped away any remaining tears.
After he let you calm down and get together holding you closely you laid on the backseat. you and him had let the backseats down. you looked up at him as he shrugged off his suit and vest undoing his tie and throwing it to the pile. he sat back a little looking at your naked splayed out body. his hand pumped his cock a few times “Fuck sweetheart your gorgeous.” he crawled over you lining his cock with your waiting entrance. you swallowed. “Five…can you hold me while we do this? i wanna be close to you” he looked up at you and smiled. his arms went around your body. one around your waist the other around your shoulders. he kissed your neck and slowly pushed in “f-fuck baby your tight” he pushed all the way in. your breath seemed to stop for a minute your lips parted in a silent moan. he stayed still letting you get used to him “Its okay baby just breathe” thats when you remember to breath breathing in then out letting your body relax. once fully relaxed he started to move in then out slow and sweet thrusts wanting to savor you and the feel of your walls squeezing his cock. soft moans and shudders of breath came from both of you. “God i love you y/n its been to long of us dragging this out. I should’ve told you before” you shook your head you arms around him and his back “Its not just your fault- ah -i..i should’ve said something too” you and him moaned as the pace picked up a little but stayed mostly slow and sweet. your hearts beat in sync with each other just as it is should. your pants filled the car and his groans filled your ears. the windows of the car fogged up and the soft patter of the rain against the car gave a soft atmosphere. “Fuck baby i wish i could stay buried inside you forever” he let you go a little but stayed close his pace not stopping. he lifted on of your legs to his shoulder to get a deeper angel. the head of his cock kissing your g-spot perfectly causing your moans to come out louder. he felt your walls start to tighten around him indicating how close you where his thrusts went faster “Its okay baby i got you i got you cum for me…cum with me, fuck your such a good girl cum with me” his moans came out louder with yours. his hands found yours and held them intertwining you and his fingers. the cord within your stomach snapped and as soon as he felt your walls tighten his cock twitched and he came with you his cum pouring inside you filling you up. He groaned and slowed his pace going slow to fuck you through it but not to overstimulate you. you and him panted, a thin layer of sweat glistening on your bodies. he looked down at you and smiled softly moving some of the hair from your face that stuck to you away “You okay baby?” you nodded “yeah…yeah I’m okay…are you?” he smiled and chuckled “More then okay.” you looked up at him admiring him for all he was. he noticed your look and leaned down and kissed you softly and you happily kissed back. he pulled out of you causing you both to whimper a little. he pulled off looking at you “Come on lets get redressed. If you wanna we can come to my place and we can get cleaned up and relax the rest of the night” you smiled “i like that idea”
So both of you got redressed after he found some wet wipes to clean you up a little. you helped each other get redressed and soon drove home where you and him took a proper shower (Might’ve had a little round two in there) and relaxed for the rest of night laid in bed in one of his sweaters and watched a cheesy rom-com while cuddling under the sheets till you fall asleep.
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Hey there guys! i hope you like it! its my first time writing a smut. I was nervous writing this sorry for any grammatical errors or if it seemed rushed (i hope it doesn’t). I love you and stay safe y’all ❤️ 😘
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megalony · 9 months ago
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Take It Easy
This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, requested by anon. I'm sorry it took me so long to get round to writing this for you. I hope it is what you were looking for. Any feedback is always amazing.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread@musicistheway@avada-kedavra-bitch-187@luula@missdreamofendless@bradleybeachbabe@woderfulkawaii@amberpanda99@daggersquadphantom@marvel-and-chicago-fan@angryknightstatesmantrash@minjix@lyjen@kmc1989@itsmytimetoodream@noonenuts@hiireadstuff@ashie-babie@classyunknownlover@jayyeahthatsme@sp1ritssz
Eddie Diaz Masterlist
Summary: (Y/n) doesn't feel well but continues with her shift and reassures her husband that she is fine. Until the pain gets worse and she collapses at work.
Enjoy.
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Coiling her arms to her chest, (Y/n) leaned her weight on the door and tried to open it as quietly as possible. She peered her head around and shuffled into the bunker room.
The small LED lights on the walls were enough to cast a pale luminescent light around the room and let (Y/n) glance around rather than wander aimlessly in the dark. She could feel the panic dwindling down when she realised the only person in the room was the one person she had been hoping to find.
Other than Eddie sleeping soundly, the room was empty.
She pushed the door to and left it open just a slight crack before she wandered over to the far right side of the room. Moving over to a free cot bed, (Y/n) leaned down to the left and undid her boots and stepped out of them. She was suddenly glad the room was cast in darkness just in case Eddie was awake so he wouldn't see the grimace that pulled on her lips when she leaned down.
Her hand moved to press against her abdomen and it took all (Y/n) had not to groan when she straightened up. Her lower stomach was twisting and knotting itself up like tangled rope. This was exactly the way Eddie had felt a month or so back when he got a stomach infection.
(Y/n) prayed to God she didn't have the same kind of infection, she didn't want to be off work for a week. Stuck taking antibiotics, barely able to eat anything due to the pain like Eddie had been.
Her hand moved to hold her hip so her arm was pinned around her waist. Adding pressure made her stomach feel less tense and took away some of the discomfort she felt.
She had been on shift this afternoon and she wasn't going off until tomorrow evening. If (Y/n) could just get through the next shift, then she could have a day off and try to recover before coming back for a night shift in two days. Next week was her short week where she only had two shifts, she would be able to rest at home with Chris and recover around work so she didn't have to take time off. She didn't want to be stuck at home and she didn't want to leave the station with no staff.
Her eyes softened when she moved over towards the only occupied bed in the room and her gaze landed on her husband.
Eddie was laid on his back with one arm hanging off the side of the bed and the other arm draped across his eyes. He had stripped off his shirt and left it lying on his boots beside the bed, leaving him in his trousers and vest and the blanket was tossed on the floor too. The station was far too humid for anyone to want to sleep with a blanket.
It took some effort for (Y/n) to crouch down beside his bed but feeling her knees press up into her stomach relieved some of the pain.
She folded one arm over the edge of the bed and reached her other hand out to graze her fingertips along Eddie's exposed arm. Her lips curved into a tight smile when she watched his elbow suddenly twitch and he took a sharp breath as his upper body jolted forward slightly.
She stayed put, crouched beside the bed while Eddie lowered his right arm from his eyes and turned to look over at her.
"You okay baby… what time is it?" His voice was groggy and laced with sleep making him sound much deeper than usual. He rubbed the base of his hand against his eyes while his left hand reached out to brush across (Y/n)'s jaw.
How long had he been asleep? Surely it couldn't be morning already? He had gone to take a power nap just after eleven so he could feel a bit more alive if they had a call out during the night. It didn't feel like he had been asleep for very long, but that was usually the way it went with sleep. One second Eddie thought it was midnight and the next, someone was waking him up saying it was three in the morning and they had to get ready.
"Midnight," (Y/n) tilted her head to the side and nuzzled her cheek into Eddie's palm, smiling softly when his thumb brushed across her cheekbone.
"Do you feel any better?" He let his head drop back down on the pillow for a few seconds while his hand moved from his eyes to ruffle his hair and brush it away from his temple.
He knew she had felt sick early in the morning and when they arrived on shift, she had changed from feeling sick to having a dull stomach ache. He was hoping he hadn't passed on his infection to her. Eddie had done his best to be careful around his wife and son when he was ill. The last thing he needed was to make (Y/n) or Chris ill too. And he was sure it couldn't be the same infection because it had been over two weeks since Eddie had recovered.
"A little," (Y/n) wasn't sure whether he believed her or not but he didn't push the subject, he only hummed and acknowledged that he'd heard her.
"Come get some sleep, baby."
A grin formed on her lips when Eddie's hand left her face and moved to hold her elbow instead. He tugged on her arm until she got the hint and moved closer while he shifted around.
Eddie turned to lay on his left side so he was facing her and shuffled back towards the edge to make some room in front of him. There wasn't really enough space to fit two of them on here, but he didn't care. He slept better when (Y/n) was in his arms. Sleeping alone in a small, uncomfortably cot bed like this reminded Eddie of being back in the army and he didn't want to relive that part of his life.
His left arm stretched out and when (Y/n) gingerly climbed onto the bed, he curved his arm up around her chest so his hand could hold her shoulder. His lips curved into a grin when he felt (Y/n) tilt her head down and kiss his forearm that was against her chest and both her hands moved to hold his arm comfortingly.
Eddie's other arm slumped over (Y/n)'s waist and he leaned his head down until he could bury his nose and lips in the top of her hair.
He heard the quiet, uncomfortable sound (Y/n) let out as she shuffled around to try and get comfy. And he felt the way she drew her knees up to her stomach to try and relieve the pain and feel settled enough to sleep.
She kept her lips buried against Eddie's arm and she hummed when he tightened his right arm around her waist and smoothed his hand up and down her abdomen. "Better?" He murmured quietly into her hair and (Y/n) could tell by his voice that he was starting to fall back asleep again.
Her lips kissed his arm and she squeezed her fingers into his forearm near his tattoo while she nuzzled her cheek into his bicep. She felt a lot better to have Eddie wrapped around her like a blanket.
Her knees pulled up a bit higher like she was trying to pin Eddie's arm against her and imbed it into her stomach to relieve the burning, dull ache. But in doing so, (Y/n) unintentionally wriggled back into Eddie and pushed her bum into his groin. She felt his hand press down flat and firmly against her stomach to hold her in place and she froze, breathing softly into his arm as she tried to stay deadly still.
"Don't do that. We're at work,"
(Y/n) shivered when he growled into her hair but she couldn't stop herself from smiling into his arm. While his other arm pinned tighter against her and kept her back flush against his chest so she could feel every ridge of him pressing into her.
"Sorry," She whispered quietly before pressing an open-mouthed kiss against his arm. She was starting to feel a little better already.
***
She felt worse.
(Y/n) could feel tears burning in the corners of her eyes when she shrugged on her overall jacket and grabbed her helmet from the locker. She felt like each step she took caused a fire to burn down the centre of her stomach, and now the pain was moving towards the right side of her abdomen too.
She hadn't managed to eat any breakfast and now it was close to lunchtime and she felt sick even though she had nothing to throw up.
She swiped her sleeve beneath her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to hold herself up and feel a bit more alive and better. All she had to do was get through this afternoon until she could go home.
Once she was home, wrapped up in bed with Eddie, she would feel much better and she would be able to rest.
"Ready?"
Her body jumped and she swallowed down a groan when Eddie curved his arm around her waist and jogged beside her towards the truck. She let him take her helmet from her hands and whack it in the compartment with his before they headed to the steps.
Stars flooded (Y/n)'s vision and she almost let go of the door when she tried to pull herself up. It caused a sudden, blinding strain on her stomach when she reached up and tried to climb up the steps. She realised she wasn't breathing but she couldn't force herself to take another breath.
It was a relief to feel Eddie's hands on her hips and he gave her a tight squeeze and a push up when she froze and he almost bumped into her.
Eddie's eyes followed her as she clambered in and flopped down into a spare seat opposite Evan.
She looked flushed, but Eddie couldn't be sure whether that was because she didn't feel so well or because they were rushing about to head out on a call. He moved to sit down next to her and once they were buckled in with headsets on, he looked down at her.
His left arm reached out and his hand clamped down on her thigh, giving her a reassuring squeeze while silently checking if she was alright.
(Y/n) curled her hands around his arm and managed a tight-lipped smile. It was hard to control the grip she had on his arm. She didn't want to squeeze too tightly and make Eddie realise she didn't feel good. She let herself shuffle to the right and imbed herself between the chair and Eddie, moving his shoulder a little until it was pressing comfortably on her chest. And she could press her lips down on his shoulder since he hadn't put his overcoat on yet.
Keeping her eyes closed seemed to help relieve the nausea that bubbled up in her clenching stomach. But the speed bumps and sharp corners didn't do her any good.
When the truck made a harsh break, (Y/n) kicked her foot out and pressed the heel of her boot into the chair opposite to steady herself but she could feel her breaths jittering past her trembling lips. Her fingers punched into Eddie's arm and she swallowed down a groan.
"Okay?"
She nodded her head but she didn't believe herself. She was starting to sweat through her minimal layers and they hadn't even arrived on the scene yet. She felt sick and the swerving corners were making her feel dizzy.
(Y/n) ignored the small chatter through the headphones and tried to keep herself tucked up into Eddie. She didn't care if the others stared or wondered why she was suddenly clinging to him. All she cared about was trying to get herself through this shift and make the pains go away. She had taken the painkillers Eddie handed her at lunch but they weren't making any difference.
When she dared to open her eyes, she felt her stomach churning again and adrenaline fuelled up towards her chest when she locked her gaze on her husband.
He was staring down at her intently, and he didn't look pleased.
His lips pressed to one side and he had one brow raised while his chin was tilted down in her direction. (Y/n) usually loved it when she caught Eddie staring at her when they were on shift together, but not today. He didn't look at her with those sweet doe eyes that made her heart skip a beat.
Today, he had stern pupils and a clenched jaw and the tension was evident in his features. She could feel his hand digging tighter into her thigh while his other hand was curled around his knee.
Eddie wanted her to go home. He wanted (Y/n) to go home and rest and try to take it easy and come back when she felt better. He saw no point in her pushing herself to continue with her shift when she clearly wasn't well. But he knew how stubborn she was and she wouldn't go home unless she got a lot worse or someone forced her to leave.
"Alright team, let's go."
(Y/n) was glad to throw off the headphones when the truck came to an unsteady stop and the blaring sirens finally turned off. They were the second unit to be called to the scene, they were here for added back up to evacuate a burning building and tend to the injured.
With her belt thrown off to the side, (Y/n) took a very deep, turbulent breath and tried to clear the fog out of her head and undo the knots in her stomach.
She followed in line to get down, keeping her hands around Eddie's arm until he had to climb down and she had to let go.
The temperature change hit her at full speed and her already burning skin flushed the the AC in the truck turned off and the heatwave outside blistered into her skin. And gravity seemed to grab her when she tried to climb down until she stumbled over her feet and barely managed to stop herself from falling down.
When her feet were planted on the floor, her hand automatically reached out in front of her and her fingers curled around Eddie's arm just as he shrugged on his jacket. Her forehead pushed into his arm and she closed her eyes, willing her stomach to stop when it felt like knives were imbedding into her skin and stabbing her a thousand times.
"Baby what's wrong?" He whispered softly as his head turned to look down at her. He could feel her tight grip on his upper arm and he could sense how close she was standing to him like she was trying to merge herself into his back.
"A bit nauseous, but I'm good now."
"You can sit this one out and wait in the truck-"
"No, no baby I'm okay."
Eddie frowned down at her and shivers coursed under (Y/n)'s skin when she felt his hand grip her chin. He pulled her head up and tilted her so she was level with him and able to lock gazes with him.
She could see the stern look in his dark eyes and his jaw clicked from side to side. He was assessing her, going into medic mode to make sure she was actually okay and capable of doing this call out. He had no problem calling rank and telling Bobby that (Y/n) needed to sit this one out. He would put his foot down if he had to, even if he didn't want to.
"You swear you're good to go?" His voice was as dark as (Y/n) had ever heard and it made the knots in her stomach dull down and turn to mush. She wanted to melt into a puddle and she suddenly wished they were at home instead of at work, with Eddie looking at her like that.
"I promise," (Y/n) nodded and batted her eyes up at him but she couldn't bring herself to smile, not yet.
She could feel the adrenaline pounding through her blood from arriving on scene but it wasn't enough to rid her stomach completely. But she was standing upright and she could push herself to get through this call, as long as she could rest afterwards, she should be okay. She hoped.
She forced herself to let go of his arm even though she didn't want to, and secured her helmet and gloves. She could feel her stomach knotting but one of the many knots started to ease when Eddie stayed stood beside her with his arm and shoulder in front of her like a shield. He didn't move an inch away from her as they stood waiting for orders.
His left hand reached out to the side and held onto (Y/n)'s hip so his arm was once again pinned across her chest like how they had sat in the truck.
His thumb brushed up and down her hip over her trousers and his arm pressed back into her chest, trying to apply a little pressure to give her some comfort.
"Okay, Buck and Eddie, I want you round the back with the 211 to evacuate. Chimney you with me through the front to make sure everyone gets out. Hen, go find the medics and assist." Bobby looked across them all before his eyes landed on (Y/n).
It was like a silent conversation passed between them all. (Y/n) tried to look okay, she tried to hold her breath and square her shoulders and hold herself steady to prove she was alright and nothing was out of the ordinary. But with Eddie's arm pinned around her front and his stern, unhappy expression beside her, it contradicted any brave face she tried to put on and Bobby didn't buy her brave face.
"(Y/n)," He could see she wasn't one hundred percent. She figured everyone could and it made her squirm on the spot. "Go with Hen, help check everyone over and assist medics."
She didn't question it.
It would do her no favours to question an order and deep down, she was relieved not to have to rush into the burning building and run around. (Y/n) didn't think she had the strength or ability within her to go faster than a quick paced walk or she would keel over.
She would only slow them down and be a hinderence today if she tried to do the harder tasks with Eddie and Evan. She didn't want to hold them back or cause any problems if she collapsed inside or came over dizzy or had to stop to be sick. She couldn't wear the oxygen mask and safety suit if she thought she was going to be sick. It would be a very bad day if she threw up in the suit.
Helping the wounded was a much easier job for (Y/n), it was automatic to tend to people and help with their injuries whereas Buck and Eddie were far better suited to run into the burning buildings and find ways to get out.
"Be careful," She mumbled quietly into Eddie's shoulder and gave his arm a lasting squeeze before he let go of her and turned to peck her temple. She could feel his lips moving against her skin and she shuddered when he sighed. He could feel how she was starting to flush and burn up, but it wasn't excessive and as long as she stayed with Hen and didn't overdo herself, she would be alright on this call.
"And you take it easy, mi amor. I mean it."
"Yes boss." Her quiet comment earned her a slap on the bum as she turned to walk away.
***
"You look like you could use a drink."
(Y/n) lifted her head from the window and glanced across at Evan when she felt his foot nudge hers while he slouched back in his seat.
She didn't realise they were back at the station until she noticed Evan fling his belt off and move to stand up with his head and shoulders hunched forward. He was too tall to stand up in the truck.
He waved his hand for her to follow and (Y/n) nodded, but she couldn't bring herself to move just yet. Her head was spinning and her stomach was officially pulled into knots that weren't untangling on their own. She didn't know what to do with herself. Standing up only stretched the pain and walking created a burning feeling. All (Y/n) wanted to do was stay curled up in her seat and contort into the smallest, curved shape she could manage to try and take away the pain.
She realised her hands were trembling when she took off her own belt and leaned against the seats to try and heave up onto her feet.
Her head spun in circles and her body tilted to the right when she shuffled to get out the truck. She couldn't stay sitting in here for the rest of her shift and she was officially the last one left to get out.
She let herself slump against the side of the door but her feet weren't coordinating anymore. The heel of her boot skidded off the top step and (Y/n) didn't have the will or the energy to try and catch herself.
She just wanted to go to sleep.
She wanted the pain to stop. It was easier to let go and given in to the thought of collapsing down on the floor. It would take the weight off her body and stop her stomach from stretching and tightening so much if she just went down and curled up on the floor. The pain was bad enough to make her head spin and she had felt constantly dizzy for the last hour of their callout.
"Woah- fuck!"
Eddie barely lifted his head before his breath got caught in his throat and his chest tightened.
The helmet in his hand dropped to the floor and he thrust his arms up just as (Y/n)'s head lolled forward and her body tumbled down from the truck.
Her forehead bashed into his shouolder and jolted the right side of Eddie's body but he tried to tense up and stay standing. He coiled his arms around her waist and slammed his knees into the bottom step of the truck, bending his hips forward to try and take her weight for her. (Y/n)'s body crashed into his chest and her arms flagged against his sides while her legs slammed into the truck floor and bent awkwardly over the steps.
"Fuck, I got you baby." Eddie tilted his head to the left to check no one was behind him before he tried to shuffle backwards a few steps and pull (Y/n) down from the truck.
He grimaced at the way her legs bashed down the steps and scraped against the floor and her arms flopped limply over his elbows.
Once he was a few feet away, Eddie let himself go down on his knees and gently lowered (Y/n) down with him. He then turned her around until her back was slumped down over his thighs and he hoisted her up, shuffling her between his legs that he parted to the sides. His arm bolted around her waist and his hand moved to cup her chin so he could tilt her head back on his shoulder.
"Oh God!"
"Eddie what's going on?"
Hen fumbled to grab one of the medic bags from the truck while Bobby paused, halfway towards the stairs before he caught sight of two of his team on the floor.
"Baby, you with me?" His thumb brushed across (Y/n)'s jaw before he reached up to move her eyelid and check if her pupils were changing and constricting or not.
Eddie didn't like the way (Y/n)'s arms immediately slumped around her waist before she tightened them and started to groan. Her head turned until she could bury her face in his neck and her trembling arms pushed down on her abdomen until she was crying into his neck.
"How bad is the pain, baby? Talk to me," He could feel how flushed her skin was with her head tucked into his neck. She was sweating and he couldn't make out whether she was just trembling from pain or if she was shaking from a fever.
"Eight."
"Eight? Christ (Y/n) why didn't you tell me?" He shook his head as his jaw tightened. She shouldn't be on shift if she was in this much pain. She should have told him how bad it was and that it was getting worse so she could go home or go to the doctor. Staying on shift and pretending she was alright clearly hadn't worked out for anyone.
Eddie's left arm stayed hooked around (Y/n)'s chest while he moved his right hand to tug her shirt from where it was tucked into her trousers. He rolled it up to reveal her stomach so he could carefully press his fingertips and then the palm of his hand down over (Y/n)'s abdomen. He leaned back when (Y/n) cried out and clenched her fingers around his wrist the moment he tried to add pressure to the lower right side of her abdomen.
"I think it's her appendix," He let his eyes trail across to Hen when she bent down on his other side.
She clipped a pulse monitor onto (Y/n)'s finger and slid a blood pressure cuff up her arm before she tried to examine (Y/n)'s stomach. But (Y/n) wasn't having any of it. She squirmed and pushed back into Eddie, crying into his neck until he pressed his lips against her burning temple and tried to hush her.
Hen placed a thermometer in (Y/n)'s ear and pursed her lips when she got the reading. "BP is high and she has a fever. Definitely could be appendicitis."
"You are going to the emergency room. Now. This isn't negotiable."
(Y/n) didn't have the will to argue, all she could do was close her eyes tighter and press her face so deeply into Eddie's neck that she could feel the throbbing veins pressing into her nose and feel each deep breath he took. His arms hooked beneath her knees and around her back and when he lifted her up, it eased some of the pain. (Y/n) tried tightening her knees to her stomach and kept her arms pinned around her middle while she heard Bobby tell Hen to take them in the ambulance.
Her arms stayed pinned to her stomach and she groaned when Eddie tried to carefully ease her down onto the gurney in the ambulance. She was relieved the rest of the team stayed at the station. She didn't want nor need the attention of anyone else climbing in and trying to examine her and help.
It was bad enough she felt like this now instead of in a few hours when her shift ended. That was all she was trying to do; make it to the end of her shift.
"Do you want some morphine for the pain, mi amor?" Eddie slipped the pressure cuff off her arm but left the pulse clip on her finger. He wanted to keep an eye on the numbers and make sure her pulse stayed calm and steady.
"Please… Eddie i-it hurts,"
When she dared to open her eyes, it took a few seconds to form a picture instead of blurred colours of brown, grey and glistening white lights. But (Y/n) managed to focus enough to see her husband stare down at her with a perplexed look.
He wanted to frown. He wanted to scoff and raise an eyebrow or shake his head at her and growl. But Eddie found his expression falling and a sad quirk pulled at his lips when he looked down at his wife.
"I know, which is why you should have told me earlier." His tone was calm and coated in sugar, even though he wanted it to come out stern and repremanding. If (Y/n) had told him how bad the pain was, Eddie would have taken her to the hospital earlier before she developed a fever and severe pains. He would have sent her home this morning if she told him she felt worse instead of saying she felt better.
Reaching out, (Y/n) grabbed his thigh when he sat down on the edge of the gurney with a few items splayed out on the chair opposite him.
He let her squeeze his thigh and he tilted her arm around a little while he tore open the plastic packaging for a new needle pre-filled with a dose of morphine. His thumb pressed down just above the crease of her elbow and he expertly shot the dose into her vein before he leaned forward and kissed her arm when he was done.
"Okay, stay still mi amor, this won't take long." Eddie pinned an IV tube between his knees and grabbed a catheter needle, swabbing the back of (Y/n)'s hand that was gripping his knee.
He carefully pushed the needle into the back of her hand, pinning the leaf green cap in place while he removed the needle and exchanged it for the IV. Once it was taped in place, Eddie undid the clasp to let the fluids run wide open. He didn't want (Y/n) dehydrating as well as burning up and being in immense pain.
"Are… are you mad at me?" It was hard for (Y/n) to try and keep her eyes open when the morphine was starting to do its work. The cramping, twinges coursing through her stomach were still making her shake back and forth on the gurney and rock against Eddie, but her head was starting to feel better. The dizziness was clearing up and her pulse was starting to throb in her head like a drum.
She felt like she was going to pass out.
The feeling of Eddie's lips on her burning forehead felt comforting and cold and it was as if he was melting into her. Especially when his hand moved to cup the side of her neck and she could feel his thumb swiping across the corner of her jaw.
"Of course I'm not mad at you, mi amor." His lips curved up into a gentle smile and he tilted his head down so their foreheads were pressed together and the tip of their noses touched. "I'm worried about you, there's a difference."
When he felt the ambulance come to a stop, Eddie pushed up to his feet and moved to unclip the brakes.
"Right, let's get you to a doctor."
***
"Are you taking me home now?" (Y/n) bit down on her lip to obscure her smile and she tilted her head back to look up at Eddie through her lashes.
Her hands pinched down around the edge of the bed and she swung her legs over the side until her feet were firmly planted on the floor. She stayed still, watching Eddie move forward until he was stood between her parted thighs And his arms dropped from being folded over his chest so he could reach out for her.
He smoothed his hands over her shoulders and trailed them down her sides until he had a firm grip on her hips and he arched his back out to lean over her. His temple pressed against hers and (Y/n) tilted her head up to capture his lips in a kiss. She could taste the coffee on his lips and when she bit down on his lower lip when he parted them, she felt his fingertips scratch into her hips causing her to gasp.
"If you're good, and promise to take it easy."
Eddie's assumptions had been right. An assessment and scan had proven that (Y/n)'s appendix had swollen up and become inflamed. If they had waited much longer it might have burst and caused a lot of complications.
Three hours later, Eddie was sat in the waiting room while (Y/n) had keyhole surgery to remove her appendix. And since she'd had no adverse reactions and seemed to be fine, they were going to discharge her this afternoon.
(Y/n) wanted to go home. She wanted to go to sleep in her own bed and be with Eddie and Chris, not laid up in here somewhere unfamiliar and unsettling. She could recover much better at home than she could here. They had painkillers at home which is all (Y/n) needed to take at the moment and she knew Eddie was going to be hovering around like a warden.
He wouldn't let her overdo anything, he would be on watch to make sure she got some rest.
"I promise. At least we don't have to worry about childcare this week." (Y/n) reached her hand up for Eddie's collar and gave a sharp tug to keep him hovering over her while her foot curled around the back of his ankle to drag him closer.
"This week?"
"What?" Her teeth sank down into her lower lip and her head tilted to the side.
"Uh-uh, don't try playing me, baby." The way he held her chin between his finger and thumb made (Y/n)'s stomach pool with adrenaline and she gasped when he tilted her head back and towered over her. "I spoke to the doctor. At least two to three weeks off work. No heavy lifting, no straining, nothing."
"Eddie…" (Y/n) drawled out his name and pulled her chin from his grasp so she could push forward. Her hands curled around his back and dug into his lower torso while she meshed her face into his abdomen, breathing into his shirt and inhaling his scent.
"Would you rather stay here?"
Her grumble was enough of an answer and Eddie smiled as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. His arm stayed curved around her upper back while his other hand moved to cradle the back of her neck.
He had spoken to the doctor already. (Y/n) was fine to be discharged today, but she had to rest. She couldn't go back to work for up to a month because she couldn't risk doing any heavy duty and straining the few stitches she had or tearing the internal stitches.
Their job was demanding and hard, it would be too much of a strain to go back to full duties right away. And Eddie wasn't going to risk her health, no matter how much she begged and pleaded with him.
"That's what I thought."
"Please take me home." (Y/n) tilted her head back until her chin was pressed into his abdomen and she could stare up at him.
"We're going home, mi amor. And you're gonna be good and let me look after you. Got it?"
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vizslasaber · 6 months ago
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UNDERSTANDING ──── echo.
summary: in the middle of the night, echo finds you, hurt and exhausted and in need of an apology.
pairing: arc trooper echo x reader
word count: 1.6k
warnings: none! just a sprinkling of angst and grief.
a/n: i love echo so much & im so glad he’s okay as of the finale!! this takes place sometime around the early seasons, but after the season 1 episode “cornered.” also, i listened to waves by chloe moriondo while writing this!
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You’re not sure what to think of Echo.
Most of the time, he’s quiet. When he does speak, it’s usually to enforce a rule, remind the group of their current plan, or to keep Wrecker in check. You’ve seen his softer side, with Omega and occasionally his brothers, and it’s rare but honestly endearing.
The thing about him that most irks you, however, is that he never wants to seem to interact with you.
Officially, Hunter is the group leader; ever since Clone Force 99 accepted you into their squad, that much has been clear. You’re the only non-clone—or “natborn” as the others refer to you—living on the Marauder. It’s been several months since you saved Omega from bounty hunters on your home planet of Pantora, and now, you’re as much a part of the Bad Batch as anyone else.
Except, you’re not a batcher. Not really.
Despite how much you care for your squadmates, it’s easy to feel separated from them at times. Easy to feel different. Most of the others have picked up on this by now, and often go to great lengths to make you feel like one of them.
Not Echo, though. He seems—wary of you, almost, and you’re not sure why. Once, you brought it up to Tech, who simply waved you off with one of his shrewd, knowledge-filled comments. “You are new here, you know. Some people are simply slower to open up than others.”
You, however, know that’s not the case. You’ve seen Echo with his brothers, and with Omega. He can be kind, and funny, and even angry. But to you… to you, he’s nothing but quiet.
For some time, you tried your hardest to be yourself around him—to crack your usual sarcastic jokes at his expense, to be friendly, like you are with the others. But the constant avoidance and clipped answers leave you increasingly confused and hurt.
So you withdrew from him, too.
It still bothers you, sometimes. But you’ve learned to brush it off.
Now, you sit in the cockpit, feet resting against the control panel. A ration bar—one of the good ones—rests in your hand. Every so often, as you watch the blue glow of hyperspace streak past the viewport, you take a bite of the ration bar.
You’re on first watch. Someone has to stay in the cockpit to oversee the ship’s journey back to Ord Mantell—and, since you still can’t fall asleep in hyperspace, you keep volunteering for the job. The cockpit is mostly dark. All the lights are off, and the viewport is dimmed. Anything brighter reminds you of how sleep-deprived you are, and so you’re content to sit in the blue gloom.
Leaning your head against the headrest of the pilot’s chair, you close your eyes. Your entire body feels heavy with exhaustion, but every time you try to drift off, the rumbling of the ship’s hyperdrive jerks you awake.
The sound of footsteps startles you. You open your eyes, leaning around the back of the chair to inspect what little part of the ship’s corridor you can see. You can hear the sounds of someone moving around by the small common area, but you can’t tell who it is.
Tech’s probably experimenting again, you think wryly, and settle back into your comfortable position.
Soon, though, the footsteps grow closer. Someone enters the cockpit with a tired sigh, placing something on one of the chairs nearer to the door. It sort of sounds like Hunter, but with the similarity between everyone’s voices, you can’t be sure.
The footsteps halt suddenly. You look up to find honey-coloured eyes surveying you with apprehension. In the dim light, awash with blue, you register the glint of a cybernetic headpiece.
“Oh,” you say, blinking up at Echo, “hi.”
Echo only grunts.
You frown, looking down at your hands, at your half-eaten ration bar. “It’s late,” you say quietly. “You, um—you should get some rest.”
When Echo answers, you don’t look up. He says, voice low and gravelly with sleep, “I slept for a couple hours.”
Slowly, you nod, fiddling with the foil wrapper of the ration bar. The cockpit falls silent; you wait for Echo to leave, but he stays still, his shadow falling over your tired frame.
You want to ask why he’s still here. You want to be rude, to ask him to leave so you can have some peace and quiet. But truthfully, he isn’t saying anything, or causing any disturbances, so instead you hold up your unfinished ration bar. “You want a bite?”
Echo blinks. It seems to take him a moment to process your question. Then, to your faint surprise, he nods. “Thank you,” he says as you hand him the ration bar wordlessly.
It’s a peace offering, of sorts.
He sits in the co-pilot’s chair and takes a hesitant bite, chewing slowly. You see his expression brighten—probably at the realization that this is one of the good ration bars, the kind that Hunter always says not to hog—then return to his usual neutral one.
You watch as he swallows. He hands you back the bar, holding out his hand, but you don’t take it.
“Why… why are you here?” you ask quietly.
As soon as the words leave your mouth, Echo drops his arm and breaks eye contact, looking almost embarrassed. Or maybe even ashamed.
Still, you wait for his answer. Several long, painful seconds pass before he says anything. When he speaks, it’s like he’s forcing out the words.
“I wanted to—” he pauses. His flesh hand fiddles with his metal one. “I wanted to apologize.”
You feel your breath hitch. Staring, you try not to gape. “What?” you say, whispering without meaning to. “I don’t—”
“I’ve been horrible to you,” Echo continues, voice steadier. “I didn’t mean to be so… withdrawn. I didn’t realize I was doing it. I… I hope you can forgive me.”
Instead of acknowledging his apology, you bite the inside of your cheek with uncertainty, then cross your arms over your chest. One of the others must have put him up to this. Probably Omega, or perhaps Hunter. Raising an eyebrow, you ask, “Who sent you?”
“No one!” Echo replies hurriedly, then presses his lips into a thin line. “I mean, Hunter told me that you—he said that—” He sighs. “I didn’t realize it on my own. But I came because I wanted to.”
You blink, cursing yourself when you feel your eyes sting. With a start, you realize that this is the most Echo has said to you since you joined the squad.
Taking in a breath, you wring your hands anxiously. “I just… I just don’t understand why.” You shrug. “You’re not the same with me. Not like how you are with the others.”
Echo swallows. “It’s not—”
“I just want to know what I did wrong.”
At that, Echo falls silent. Guilt permeates the air, enough that you can feel it.
“Hey,” Echo says, kinder than you’ve ever heard him. “Look at me.”
You do. His eyes, like lava, or maybe liquid gold, bore into you. It almost hurts to look.
“This,” he continues, gesturing to the space between you, “is not your fault.”
Against your will, a lone tear slips down your cheek. “So whose fault is it?” you whisper, barely loud enough to be heard over the ship’s engine
It’s obvious from the look on Echo’s face that he’s thinking of something—or someone—specific. Despite how much you want to, you don’t push.
You just wait.
“It’s my brother,” Echo finally murmurs, and you raise your eyebrows, quickly cycling through the rest of your squad. Hunter, Wrecker, Tech… maybe Crosshair? You can’t think what any of them, even the one who’s no longer a member of your group, have to do with you.
“Your... brother,” you repeat dumbly.
“Yes.” Echo nods. “Fives.”
Oh. A fellow soldier, then. Probably from before the war ended… and probably long dead.
Drawing in a shaky breath, you hastily wipe your cheek with your sleeve. “What—what about him?”
“You…” Echo shakes his head, then lets out a humourless chuckle as he turns to look at the viewport, at the swirling blues and whites and greys of hyperspace. When he speaks again, his voice is barely above a whisper. “You remind me of him.”
You blink.
Truthfully, you have no idea what to say to that. Luckily, Echo continues, saving you from having to come up with an answer.
“Your sense of humour, I mean. The sarcasm, the jokes.” He shrugs, and the light from the viewport catches on his cybernetic headpiece, glinting in the otherwise dim cockpit. “And… and the way you know people.”
“‘Know people’?” you echo, confused. “I’m not following.”
“You understand people,” Echo says, and finally looks at you again, eyes impossibly sad. “Somehow, without ever having experienced what others have gone through, you understand their pain—and you feel it with them.” He closes his eyes for a brief moment, then opens them again. “Fives used to do that too.”
And suddenly, as though a switch inside you has been flipped, it all makes sense. “And that’s why you’ve been avoiding me,” you realize, and Echo winces. “Because I remind you of him.”
“See?” The barest hint of a smile graces his lips. “You’re doing it now. And you’re not even trying.”
“I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” Echo says. “I am. It just…”
“Hurts,” you finish, and Echo blinks, surprised. You smile softly. “I know you too, you know.” Reaching out, you take his flesh hand, gently prying it open and taking the ration bar. As Echo watches, you split the remaining piece in half and hand one to him. “And for what it’s worth—I forgive you.”
The shadows colouring Echo’s face suddenly seem lighter. He smiles, then—really smiles.
You take a bite of the ration bar and smile back.
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hiraya-rawr · 2 years ago
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— to pass the kamisato standards .
synopsis !! kamisato reader introduces their lover to their siblings, ayato and ayaka! just hcs and brainrotting
characters !! thoma, diluc, childe, al haitham, gorou, kazuha
contains !! gn reader, written while sleep deprived please don't judge if it doesn't make sense huhuh, a bit of a character study on how the kamisatos perceive other characters!
note !! been posting more lately! im in a good mood and would like to share more content ☺️ i also have drafts saved up. also, have you checked out the @/yaepublishinghouse ? i've joined the writing team!
T H O M A
Ah, Thoma? You don't even need to ask. he's already part of the family!
the safest option, really. they already considered him family long before your heart started fluttering around the househelper.
"well, it's honestly about time. ayaka and i have long noticed your affections for thoma," ayato smirks as you two turn red, "don't think i don't know what's going on in my own household, do you?"
not much would change after having your relationship official; thoma might be the only one to experience the change in people's treatment of him as the three kamisatos encourage him to be more proud in his status!
"we're going to get married, don't let people trample over you like that!" you pout. surprisingly enough, thoma is quick to adjust to a "noble behavior" while still keeping his friendly boyish charms.
D I L U C
foreign nobility? for real? your siblings would worry, do you want to live away from them?
thoma might be the only one a little more open to the idea. sure, he's sad but he respects your choice and who you love.
"Mondstadt is a great place. I'm sure it'll be a home for you, just like how Inazuma became a home for me."
ayato is more or less suspicious. "I've heard... rumors," he says carefully, "That man is suspicious to say the least. I'm not sure I trust him."
all in all, with how closed off inazuma seems to be, the kamisatos would be most reluctant to send you off to another nation for some solitary man with a questionable schedule.
C H I L D E
A fatui harbinger? Are you out of your mind!
no. no no no. you are not going all the way to snezhnaya for a fatui harbinger. love is fleeting, your affections will pass.
you really don't need him -your siblings would try to convince you- he has money? the kamisatos have money too. he's someone of rank? so does your siblings. what do you mean you love him so much?
"He's a family kind of guy! He's really sweet!" you'll plead and they'll still shake their heads no.
In fact, Ayato would go on a thorough investigation about exactly what the harbinger has been up to. From the incident in liyue to the homicidal tendencies.
unless you decide to elope, there's no way your siblings would give their blessing.
A L H A I T H A M
the scribe of the academia is a fine man, but some call him a... lunatic.
this one is a 50/50.
admittedly, your siblings are content with his status and background. he works under sumeru's government, just like the kamisatos, and was nominated for the highest ranking position only second to an archon.
he works rationally too! smart and efficient. that's great— but why is he such a blunt smartass?
Throughout the meeting with him, Ayato has a plastered smile on his face. Each conversation seems like a landmine, waiting to explode, trying to best the other with words.
Ayaka is more or less nervously sweating beside them, but you suppose you're glad that they're getting along!
G O R O U
oh? the general of watatsumi? an interesting choice!
ayato considers it a political win. with the kamisato name tied together with the general of watatsumi island, this could lead to better peace relations! and the kamisatos would be the head of it all.
being a general is no easy task, thats something ayato could greatly respect. meanwhile, ayaka and gorou are already familiar friends!
it's a little sad that watatsumi is on another island, but at least you get to stay in inazuma! you're also happy that you get to contribute to inazumas progressive politics as part of the kamisato household, living up to your duty.
K A Z U H A
the wandering samurai. . . ? are you sure?
while a good friend of the kamisato household, kazuha has already left the noble lifestyle of the kaedeharas.
it's not that your siblings want you to marry into nobility, it's just that they'll feel more comfortable if you were in a familiar environment.
meanwhile, kazuha is constantly on the move, never staying at one place. they trust him immensely but are you sure you're up for that change?
kazuha is a good choice, but a worrisome one nonetheless.
commissions || general m.list || ko-fi
taglist !! @absolut-wildflower @boundedbyfate @sadlonelybagel @eissaaaa @ladycoleigh @nejibot @milkypompon @bloodreaper08 @irethepotato @x-zho @mich-cola @mxsomn @ackrylik @nicebonescomrade @starforecasts @stygianoir @yuminako @eccedentesiast-sapphic @nebulaera @nuttytani @klutzkat @shizunxie @bluriie @aestellia @abyislan08
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beiasluv · 2 years ago
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ok so i sent a request but im not sure if you got it bc it glitched for me
anywy its like the fic you did wherin reader and neteyam are twins and stuff and reader likes aonung and aonung likes her and stuff, and the main thing of the fic is that jake and neteyam (mostly jake) are protective of her like the "no boys until i die!" shi yk
anyway love your work xx
protective sullys
a/n: PLEASE, GUYS WE NEED JAKE’S DAD GIRL ERA PERIODT / i feel something’s not right in this fic, but i hope you guys still enjoy it 🤍
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the day your family arrived at the metkayina clan was one of the most beautiful and hideous days in the history
you guys were met with judging eyes and snickers from the people, while some gave reassuring smiles. you don’t know who to trust or where to go, but you hoped for the best and put on a fake smile to calm your siblings down.
but, neteyam being neteyam, he knows you too well. he sensed a feeling of uneasiness in your gut and he can feel it too. i mean, what do they say about twins?
while tuk held on to neytiri and jake, neteyam wrapped his arm around your shoulder, rubbing gently along your marks, and whispering comforting words.
“it’s goin’ to be alright, y/n…, i know we can do it, sully sticks together, huh?” he was met with your snicker to his joke.
but…one particular eye caught your attention. the bluest and tender teal eyes amongst the crowd stared into your soul. you felt your legs trembling under his gaze, yet you stood tall. neteyam noticing him as well made an unwelcoming face toward the intruder’s view
“well, our daughter, tsireya, and son, ao’nung, will show you the way of our lives. treat them with respect and be kind to them, for they are like babies taking their first step,”
‘so…‘ao’nung’…huh?’
settling down in your marui wasn’t as easy as it was back home. the floors are bouncy, which tuk liked A LOT, and there is little to no privacy at all. you miss the pandora plants and leaves that provided shade and coverage.
anyways, life was starting to look better.
until someone had to ruin it again…that familiar eyes you know so well, yet to little. he was staring at you again.
the very first practice session your siblings and you received much unnecessary embarrassment from the metkayina’s teens
well, it would be fair to say that you received them the least. ao’nung is always coughing or changing the subject
“well, you know, freak, if you don’t have those five little fingers then-“
“ahem, where were we? oh, right, let’s go to the reefs over there, numnuts,” ao’nung pointed towards the sea with his real fingers. “last person’s a raw egg.”
without another word, he swam off into the sea. and unknowingly to you, a grownup teenager, you still fell for the stupid game every time. seeing your siblings beating you to dive into the ocean, you followed in quickly.
but it seemed like your attempts had been in vain. bubbles leaving your mouth, covering your views of the world around you. like heaven sent, his -yes you knew this color- teal marked hand clutched your body from drowning into the ocean floor, dragging you up to the surface.
“are you alright? i am sorry, so sorry,” he clutched your face in his arm. “are you hurt?” he grabbed hurriedly along your body checking for injuries.
“i- i am fine, no worries, thank you,” you smiled sheepishly.
“now, hold my shoulders, okay?” he guided you behind his back. “breath in…we’re going down,” you breathed your last air and your body was submerged underneath again.
while at the coral reef, he took an extra effort to stay close to you. neteyam caught on what was going on and he wasn’t happy about you being close to that teal freak. lo’ak definitely gave a side eye on ao’nung.
that simple act of kindness melted your heart by a little, even if you didn’t want to accept it.
to say that when jake heard the news of your possible death, he wasn’t the most friendly towards ao’nung. tonowari wasn’t the most glad either. (dads being homies vibe)
plus, the fight they had on the beach didn’t help the situation get any better.
“please! guys! stop!” you shouted as you ran up from the ocean, finding yourself with the sight of a tumbling ball of blue na’vis
your sight caught the eyes of one particular metkayina and a gulp in his throat. looking at your fresh of the water and hair sticking to your body he managed to croaked out, “hey…y- y/n.”
“neteyam! lo’ak! c’mon!” you insisted. without a second thought, you dragged them by their ears and kicked off a metkayina attacking their tails. “please, show us some respect and we’ll reciprocate them, sorry for them.”
you flicked your head back and turned away from them, making your way towards your marui. that sight caught one metkayina to get lost in his mind and a drool slipped down his lips. ‘man, he messed up real bad.’
but in the mist of the mess, the heart of the storm, was just a lover boy trying his best to retrieve his chance
jake and neteyam turned on their ultimate protective mode 110%
“never bother my sister, ever AGAIN. you hear that?” neteyam hissed against ao’nung’s face, adding extra effort to spat a saliva against his teal face.
jake would be so protective of you 😭
he would always remind you every morning like: “no boys until i die, understand?”
hugs you all the timeeee. when walking around the village, wrapping a hand around your shoulder is a must for him.
protecting you from the eyes of the boys is his first priority. (cuz, obviously, he knows what those boys thinks, because he was once like in their place 💀)
jake would always tell you to cover up 😭 (as if na’vi clothes provide any coverage-) but anyways, he’ll say like “wear a shawl over your shoulder, it’s hot outside.”
always asking where are you going and when are you gonna come back.
lying to jake about those stuff are useless, so you did what a good child would do: telling him that you are going to hang out with ao’nung
i am telling you that jake lost his MIND, “WHAT, Y/N, HONEY, NO, WITH HIM? WHY?”
but anyways, our consent king respected his baby’s decision and let you go, BUT was panicking so much.
“okay, honey, what did i tell you?”
“yes, dad, no kissing, no hugging, no mating, come back before sunset, and use the talkie-walkie if he does something weird,” you rolled your eyes. for sure you are not going to mate with some dude on a first date.
“you missed one…”
“no touching, right, dad, what do you expect us to do if we are not allowed to have physical contact, meditate?”
“right, then, meditation sounds nice, doesn’t it?”
“dad!”
neteyam would kill for you without a hesitation. scaring some creepy dudes? easy
he gives out the best bear hug for youuuu
loves to comfort his siblings, especially you
jake is not much of a difference. he is super protective of his kids and you especially. his prized possession and the apple of his eyes.
being his oldest daughter, requires lots of sacrifice but jake’s affection for you is all worth it.
anyways, GOOD LUCK ao’nung, you need that. passing through the death valley with two demons behind your trail is not easy 💀
every time he comes to pick you up, he is sweating like a DAWG
“hello, mr.sully, is erm…y/n here?”
“well, where do you expect her to be? did you made a proper plan? son…, my daughter is not an object you could just pick up whenever you are bored.”
“yes, sir, we agreed to go-“
“ao’nung!” you called as you walked out. “bye, dad, love ya,” a peck on the cheek for jake and you’re off the marui.
“bye, sweetheart,” a smile for you and a death glare for ao’nung, pretty basic.
neytiri to the rescue, guyssss. she definitely have a soft spot for boys, and boys like *ahem* jake ao’nung.
she sees his effort for you and tries to persuade jake into giving in. and jake will be like: “pLEASE, no.”
but changing someone as egotistical as ao’nung to become more humble isn’t the easiest job. every moment, hanging out together, it was as if you rubbed his ego down step by step.
ronal and tonowari were GLAD. “please, y/n, tell us how you do it” 💀
ao’nung became the sweetest boy for you 🥺 *neteyam staring behind*😈
today’s a great day to treat yourself! 🤍
@rosaryos / @bumblinbumblvee / @nyotamalfoy / @fangirl-2610 / @astablacksword / @lokisblueskin
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yourlittlebunnyy · 1 month ago
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the Assassin
eris x assassin!reader
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main masterlist - eris masterlist
summary: You're the Night Court Assassin and you were ordered to kill Eris.
warnings: rhysand (yes you read right)
w/c: 2,5k
a/n: im so sorry this took so long but i had a breakdown and changed the whole plot🧘‍♀️
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"Rhysand, I think it's a bad idea. We must not mix personal business with court business." His jaw twitches, his eyes burn into your skin.
"Sounds to me like you're the one doing it, is there any reason stopping you from killing Eris?"
The calm, controlled tone makes you want to slap him. He may be your High Lord, but he is just so stupid sometimes. You've been in his office for a good half hour trying to make him understand that Beron's heir is the only current ally you have in the Autumn Court, and that he cannot be swayed by events that happened five hundred years ago when Eris was still a child.
"Rhysand. I already told you, you cannot order me to kill your only ally. He may be an asshole, but he has always shown himself loyal." You raise your voice in annoyance, standing up with a snap, your hands resting on his desk. He seems to assess the situation, then offers you a charming smile, the kind he uses to convince people. It doesn't work with you; you know his techniques too well.
"It is your High Lord who commands you, not Rhysand." You roll your eyes and leave the room without saying a word. You've always hated it when he says that.
You love Rhysand, you love the Night Court and the Inner Circle, you really do. They are your family, and you would give your life for them, you would kill for them, but sometimes you feel like instead of brains they have salt. Of course you're going to try every possible way not to kill Eris, and you don't care much about lying to Rhysand. You seem to be the only one who understands that if it were ever discovered that it was the Night Court a war would begin, and that Beron's heir is the only chance they have of alliance with the Autumn Court. Without him there would be no relationship. Eris may be an asshole, but he is an educated male and he knows that it is not convenient for him to betray you in any way. So why is it you who have to betray him? You go toward your room and get ready. It will be harder than expected to fake Eris's death and you do not know if you will succeed.
A few hours later, after saying goodbye to everyone, you find yourself in a forest in the Autumn Court with a bag and nothing else. The autumnal air makes you shiver, and you wonder why you didn't bring a coat. You arrive at the nearest village and stay there until you have studied the male's movements thoroughly, then take action. Although you do not share the same opinion as Rhysand, you are glad to be back on the mission. It's been months since you took part in one, and you missed it, especially the part where you can get some time away from home without too many excuses.
You see little houses in the distance, and you sigh with relief. You just want a hot meal and a bed to rest; your plan can start tomorrow. You use the light hood to hide your face, but in all these centuries you have always managed to keep your identity a secret, no one knows who the Night Court Assassin is, they probably don't even know you are part of it.As soon as you rest your head on the pillow, your eyes close.
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You inevitably find yourself in front of Beron's palace, hidden in the branches of the shrubs, and you stand still and watch. You hope Eris will come out soon, but you are not sure at this point-it is already late afternoon. You know he is forced out and cannot transmute directly inside his palace, so he has to be inside.
"Damn." You mutter under your breath, the air is getting cold again, and a shiver shakes your back. You weren't prepared for all this cold.
Footsteps from behind shake you out of your little misery, and you turn sharply to find yourself facing the Heir of the Autumn Court. Your breath catches in your throat. He looks at you with a sly grin on his face, and you want to beat him until he is disfigured, but he is your ally. Nonetheless, you clasp your hand over the small dagger given to you by Amren, filled with embedded rubies. "What do we have here?" He says moving closer and closer. You assume a fighting stance, making him laugh. His laughter runs through you in a shiver. It must be the cold, you think. "The Assassin of the Night Court. Rhysand sent you to kill me." His mask of coldness does not fade but you can see his eyes, for a brief moment, shine in a different, disappointed light. You gloss over how Eris knows your identity, leaving the subject for later.
"Yes. Rhysand sent me to kill you, but I will not take part in this." You put the dagger back in its case after realizing he will not harm you, under the his watchful gaze. His eyes squint slightly, his eyebrows arched. "Are you surprised?" You ask him chuckling. As much as you disagree with Rhysand's choice, you also know that from Eris it would be foolish not to expect such a thing. Your High Lord is an unpredictable male who is so incredibly full of himself that he thinks he can afford such strategic moves.
"Why?" He asks you harshly, his jaw clenched and his eyes unhappy. Maybe, given his reaction, he really did trust Rhysand.While you would like to explain your plan to him, at the same time you don't know if you can put your entire trust in him. Eventually your rational side prevails, and you decide to remain vague. You will not reveal the weaknesses of your Court, that is, Rhysand's stupidity, to -yes, an ally- but to a member of another Court. Especially since his father is still alive. "I do not know. I just follow orders."
"Liar." His mocking tone mixed with his smirk make you bring a hand back to the dagger, its presence under your fingertips a comforting chill. Yes, he's definitely an asshole, though.
"I'm not- you know what, forget it." You say as you roll your eyes. You move to get past him, but he grabs your wrist, blocking you before you can. You're so close that you feel his breath warm your face, and in a way you're grateful: you haven't felt your nose in a while now. His eyes settle on yours and you swear you can see flames burning inside.
"You don't go anywhere without first telling me what your intentions are." The tone is cold, so at odds with the warmth emanating from his body. You don't look away and keep your gaze on him, your chin high and proud. If he thinks he's intimidating you, he's a fool. You have certainly not been appointed the Assassin of the Night Court at random.
"I go where I please. When I please." You answer just as coldly, your jaw tight and your eyes bloodshot.
"Until proven otherwise you are in my Court, Assassin." Until proven otherwise you have enough evidence to have him sentenced to death for treason by his Court. But you decide to keep quiet. Your lips are clamped in a hard line, your body tense partly from the cold, partly because you are annoyed. When he realizes you won't give him the satisfaction of a pointless bickering, he lets go of your wrist and steps back. You almost want to complain about being denied his warmth, but you call yourself stupid for such a thought. Eris is a charming male, but you must remain professional. And he is an prick, you mentally remind yourself.
"And when your High Lord notices that you have not completed your assignment, what will he do to you?" The question leaves you speechless for moments. No, not his question, but his voice. His tone almost ... worried. You imagine it's because his body has deserted him from the adrenaline of the moment, and now questions must be filling his mind. It has happened before with your past victims, but there was never time to converse with them. You always killed them first, you realize.
"So?" He insists, but you don't honestly know what to answer. It never occurred to you to disregard orders. You have always killed anyone without much question, always indifferent. In the end, blood is blood, no matter whose. It will always be red and warm, won't it? You shrug your shoulders. Eris arches his eyebrows, his gaze studies your figure.
"I don't know. I never happen to object." You admit.
"Why do you oppose, then? Kill me." The tone is sarcastic, but it still leaves you stunned. There is some kind of internal struggle in your mind, something you don't understand. His questions strike deeper and you just don't understand why, since they are not that personal."No..." You whisper, and stand amazed at yourself. Your tone is feeble, like a wounded fawn. What the hell? You cough a couple of times, embarrassed. "I don't think it's appropriate. You're the only ally of the Autumn Court that my Court possesses. I can't kill you." Eris does not respond. You take a moment to observe him, not to observe his unmistakable beauty, but to observe just...him. The cuticles around his nails are reddened, the now-dried blood staining them red. One hand is so clenched around the sword at his side that his knuckles have turned white, his gaze is nervous, and you notice how he looks around as if expecting someone to jump out at any moment.
"Then leave, and don't come back. You have to say these things to your little friend, not to me." And while before it was really him who blocked you, now he seems the first to want to leave. You try to reach out a hand as he takes the first step, but he reacts badly to the contact: he pulls it away annoyed, his lips rippling in a disgusted grin. It shouldn't displease you, but it does."He won't listen to me, Eris." You hope he reads between the lines. Stay, we have so much to talk about. But he shakes his head, and leaves you alone in the middle of the now-darkened forest, the only thing you're left with is the distant sound of the leaves rattling when he steps on them.
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The truth is that you have no plan. For the first time in your long life you admit to yourself that you have no idea how to proceed. This is exactly because you do not cover the role of Azriel: you are not capable of mixing strategy and plans and all these things at your job. You kill, kill, kill. That's the only thing you can do flawlessly. So now that you are faced with such a situation you are even scared.
You lie in bed for hours, the sun now clearing the sky, and you decide to get up. What would be the point of staying in bed and doing nothing?
You opt for a coffee at some old inn in the small village, hoping you'll wake up. And awaken some ideas with you. The only conclusion you have come to tonight is that you have little time. There are several possibilities, and all of them include having to act now to prevent them. Starting right with Eris. You have to seek him out and talk to him again, before he gets to Rhysand and before he kicks you out of his Court. At least there is no chance of him running to his father, you think relieved.
Four cups of pure caffeine later, you walk through the woods again, the usual cold breeze giving you goose bumps. You stand on a tree branch, your legs dangling and your back resting lazily against the trunk. The Autumn Court may be cold, but it is wonderful. The bright colors are able to cheer up your tattered mood from yesterday's night and meeting, and distract you from the cold. It is a different beauty from what you are used to: Velaris is boisterous, always full of life, and full of construction. As beautiful as it is, you think this is more so. It is calmer, more natural, more intimate. There are no big cities, but small self-sufficient villages, nature prevails over buildings.
You spend the whole day on the branch. You have lunch with an apple that you cut with your dagger, some cheese and bread. You have dinner with dried meat and a dessert you picked up at the inn this morning. You wait for Eris to return, or at least for there to be any movement at the palace. But nothing.
The radio silence lasts longer than necessary. At this point you think it's some kind of torture the redhead is subjecting you to. Every day you sit in your tree, eat apples and typical cheeses that you buy in the morning in the village, and do nothing. Eris never goes out. You begin to think there is another entrance that you are not aware of, and since you have nothing to do now, you decide to retrace the wall that protects the palace. You had already walked it on the first day, finding no other exits or open entrances, but you might as well try again.
The outcome, however, is the same: nothing at all. You are almost tempted to break in yourself and rush past the door to its rooms, but you hold back.When you return the next day, you already know how it will turn out. And as professional as you are in your work, you decide not to be today and take a break. You step away from your observation zone and wander among the enchanting places in the Autumn Court.
The break stretches longer than expected, but the forest seems to call your name every morning when you arrive at your tree. Something inside you urges you to keep going and going, keep wandering and exploring new places, and it never leaves you disappointed: each time you find breathtaking scenery, the mission forgotten and turned into more of a vacation than anything else. You know that sooner or later Rhysand will ask for updates, but it's not a problem you're asking yourself now, just as you're walking down a small path that looks like it hasn't been walked for long, curious where it will take you.
You've never gone this far before, and you're not quite sure where you are. The air is getting colder and wetter, chills run through your body, but you can't give up now, you're too curious where it leads. Hours later, having finished your humble dinner of bread and sausage, your feet beg for mercy, but you don't stop.The moon is high in the sky when you glimpse a small cottage in the distance. You would think it is uninhabited were it not for the smoke coming from the chimney. The closer you get, the more you catch a glimpse of its details. It is not as shabby as you thought, in fact, it looks lovely, and you almost plan to ask for shelter for the night. Your heart starts beating faster, and that little voice that first commanded you a week ago to explore the Court seems to scream and spur you on and on and on.
You listen to it, and when you arrive in front of the porch it doesn't stop. The wood creaks under your boots, your feet now frozen. You stretch your neck to see inside through the windows, but they are covered by curtains and the only thing you notice is a faint reddish light probably coming from the path. You rub your hands together, blowing on them. The little voice rises, come in, it says, come in, come in. And once again you listen to it. You reach out a hand to knock, but the door opens before your knuckles even touch the fine wood.
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taglist: @imma-too-many-fandoms @zaozao @babypeapoddd
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redocity · 8 months ago
Note
Hiii i love your writing!! Currently keeping me alive 😩 im begging for some angst hurt to comfort. Maybe something involving abby but ultimately a happy ending?
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MOVING ON - E.BUCKLEY
buck was finally taking the step to move out of abby’s apartment, except it’s not exactly that easy.
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WARNINGS: buck has a minor breakdown oops, minor abby slander, happy ending
buck x fem!reader II hurt/comfort Il 2.3k Il requests open!
a/n: thank you for the request! і love writing angsty stuff
₊ ⊹ masterlist!!
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Buck had finally decided that he’d had enough.
He wasn’t going to wait for Abby to come home anymore. He needed to move on. It’d been almost five months since she’d left, and five months of the team trying to convince him she wasn’t coming back.
He’d given up trying to convince them all that their relationship was just ‘unconventional’ by now, and after a particularly lonely Friday night he decided it was time to make a move.
"Can you believe it? After five months? I’m finally moving out of her apartment." Buck lugs a half filled cardboard box over to the dining table, dropping it down with a thud.
“I’m proud’a you,” You tap his shoulder with your hand as an indication for him to move, laughing with a roll of your eyes. “Glad you actually got to this point,”
He makes no resistance to your silent instruction, shifting to lean his back against a clear area of the table and watching as you rifle through the box to properly organise his horrible packing job. "I know you were all sick of me moaning about her. I still can’t believe she just up and left me like that."
“It was definitely a dick move, but if we’re being honest here she didn’t deserve you anyway,” You wave off his unspoken apology for talking your ear off for the last few months with your hand.
“I just thought we were really something you know? Then she up and leaves out of nowhere,” Buck sighs. He was sick of her, he was sick of the fact she’d left him with nothing but a half-arsed explanation and an empty promise of them staying in touch.
But sometimes he can’t help but reminisce on how she used to make him feel and believe that maybe she really was going to come home. “She was supposed to be the one, I can’t believe I was so stupid."
“Unfortunately Buck,” You reach over the table to grab the packing tape, it making a harsh noise as you rip off a piece to tape the - now neatly organised - box. “That how real dating works,”
"No, this wasn’t ‘real’ dating. Real dating doesn’t involve her leaving after she said I could move in, she didn’t even say a real goodbye, I had to find out that she wasn’t coming back from an Instagram post of her kissing some random guy in Thailand." Buck’s voice plainly displayed his emotional exhaustion.
He didn’t want to think about Abby anymore, but it was just so hard to get her out of his head when he really thought that their relationship was going somewhere.
“Head up mister,” You tap your middle and index fingers against the underside of his chin with a sigh. “There’s plenty more fish in the sea,”
Buck laughed exasperatedly. He hated that quote, it always felt so insincere. Then again that was probably because he’s used it so many times in the past when turning down his previous hookups who wanted a more serious relationship.
Now he was on the other end of it, and it just felt ironic.
“You just don’t get it, we were a perfect match for each other,” Buck exhales dramatically, turning his head up to the ceiling. "She was beautiful. She was kind. She was smart. Our sex life was perfect, she was exactly who I was looking for but she left. She just up and left."
“It happens unfortunately,” You shrug your shoulders slightly. “Especially with someone who was dealing with so many personal issues like she was,” You give up on your organising for now as you entertain Buck’s want to get everything off his chest.
“Looks like you finally got a taste of your own medicine hey?” Your attempt at lightening the mood a little is met by a roll of Buck’s eyes and a sigh.
You had a point to an extent, he’d never really dealt with a real breakup before even though he’d been with plenty of other women. "What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Everyone’s gotta experience heartbreak at some point, it’s part of your character development,” You mirror the way he’s leaning against the dining table yourself, pressing your lower back against the wood with your arms crossed.
"I don’t think I needed that character development," Buck sighed once again, "I wish I wasn’t experiencing it right now. I just wish she’d call me or even send me something, anything. Tell me she’s not coming back properly you know?"
He’d probably try to convince her into a long distance relationship if she did call him. But he wasn’t going to tell you that part. He was supposed to be moving on.
“I deleted her number from your phone so… she’s not going to,”
“You did what?” You could hear the immediate hurt in Buck’s tone at your confession, demonstrated further by the way his eyes turned to you in astonishment. “Why would you do that?”
“Because, you are trying to physically move on,” You gesture towards the cardboard boxes that are littered around the apartment containing Buck’s belongings. “But you haven’t mentally moved on, you need both otherwise you’re gonna crash,”
Buck hated that you were right.
You were always right.
You always knew what was best for him when he didn’t even realise what was best for himself.
"I hate that all you do is say the right things at the right time."
“It’s a talent of mine,” You nudge him gently with a smile, again trying to lift up the mood a little.
Sometimes he hated that you were so kind too.
Some twisted part of him wished that you would do something wrong, that you would say the wrong thing and give him an excuse to let out all of his pent up frustration without feeling bad about it afterwards.
But you never did. And he didn’t know whether it was a blessing or a curse.
Then he started thinking about Abby again, of course he did. She was like a parasite that had burrowed a little cavity in his brain and wouldn’t leave no matter how many times he hit himself over the head.
He’d never had a truly vulnerable conversation with her when they were together. Not without the sole focus being on her or her mother’s health. He couldn’t remember a conversation that they’d had that was actually about his problems.
He couldn’t hate her for that. Of course not. She was going through a lot. But it really put into perspective who was the primary giver of their relationship. And it’s starting to make him question whether it was authentic in the first place.
Did she see it as a proper relationship like he did? Or was she using it as a distraction from all of the stress she had looking after her mother all the time?
He didn’t even realise he was tearing up until a drop of water hit the back of his hand.
“Are you alright?” You turned your head towards him after noticing how he’d gone quiet, his head lowered to a point where you couldn’t fully see the expression on his face.
“I don’t know-” His words said one thing, but the way he shook his head said something else. He was very clearly not okay.
“Buck…” You sigh softly at his tone, sounding a little forced as if he was scared of his voice breaking halfway through his sentence.
“Can I have a hug? Please?” He asked his question hesitantly, no longer trying to hide the wavering in his tone. He felt stupid for feeling like this over something that was seemingly so trivial to him in the past, but right now he didn’t feel like doing anything but crying until he physically couldn’t anymore.
He felt even stupider acting like this in front of you of all people. You’d dealt with enough of his baggage already, and he didn’t want to do to you what Abby had done to him in essentially using you as a human diary.
You don’t hesitate in your answer at all. “C’mere,”
You barely even open your arms before the space is filled by Buck, his head hidden against the shoulder of your t-shirt to hide his expression from you.
You lean your weight fully against the edge of the table as you envelop him into a hug, rubbing your hand up and down his back in your best attempt at physically soothing him as he lets out a soft cry into your shoulder.
A fully grown man crying into the arms of someone half his size because he couldn’t handle a breakup. Who would’ve thought?
The longer you held him the less he felt like he had to be embarrassed about it. Somebody had his back, and he didn’t ever want that to end.
“You’re gonna be alright,” The hand that wasn’t gently rubbing soothing lines over his back cupped the back of his neck, holding his head securely against your shoulder.
You knew he was going to break down eventually. You were just glad he had someone present during it.
"Thank you," Buck whispered to you as he began to calm down, "Thank you so much."
Embracing you felt like home, the first time in a long time that he’d felt like he had support. Like he could be himself.
He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to let go, and for the first time in a while he felt as if everything would be okay.
“Don’t mention it,” You make no move to pull away from the hug once he’s calm enough to speak to you again, content to wait until Buck was comfortable enough to pull away in his own time.
He didn’t seem like he was going to let go any time soon.
“Can we just stay like this forever?” Buck’s voice is muffled against your shoulder as he speaks, and he links his arms together behind your waist. “That would be nice,”
You laugh shortly at the question, your shoulders shaking slightly as you do and in turn jostling Buck slightly in your arms. “I think my legs would give out after a while, you’re heavy you know,”
"They’d get stronger eventually," Buck muttered, "We could work out together. I could train you."
Buck was enjoying this more than he wanted to admit but, as usual, his mouth spoke before his brain had a chance to control it. He was just glad that you hadn’t actually pulled away yet.
“You can’t train me to do anything if you won’t let go,”You continue to laugh softly at his proposition as your hand scratches gently at the hairs at nape of his neck.
“You can just hold me then,” He drops the idea almost immediately under the favour of staying securely in your arms.
He’d never hugged any of his friends like this before, although he supposes he’s never actually wanted to. But here he is nonetheless, and it was probably the most comfortable he’d ever been in his life.
He just wanted to stay in the little cocoon your arms provided him away from reality for the rest of his life, maybe longer than that. The only question was whether you’d entertain his idea of abandoning everything productive you were supposed to be doing so that he could satiate his desire to stay exactly where he was.
“Not standing up,” You shake your head against the side of his with a small chuckle. “My legs are already starting to hurt,”
“On the couch then? We can watch that movie you were talking about,”
“We still have packing to finish Buckley,”
“Tomorrow,” Buck shakes his head as he makes a move to separate himself from you, although not fully as his hands still lay carefully positioned on your sides. “I genuinely cannot do any more packing today,”
You raise an eyebrow at him and he tilts his head at you with a sigh. “Come on, humour me here I’m emotionally vulnerable,”
He slips one of his hands towards your wrist and gives it a small tug, his grip loose enough that if you wanted to pull your arm away from him you could do so with minimal effort. You don’t of course, allowing him to tug you forward until you’re not leaning against the table any more, your weight fully supported on your feet. “We can watch that movie, order a pizza and I can wallow in my emotions for a few hours until I’m mentally fit to continue packing,”
“Sounds like you’re just trying to procrastinate,” You furrow your eyebrows accusingly, but the smile on your face betrays your feigned scolding, just grateful that he was sound enough to joke about his own misery now that he’d actually had the chance to vent his emotions.
“Oh I definitely am,” Buck’s smile mirrors yours emphatically, and he starts towards the living room with your wrist in his hand so you’re ‘forced’ to follow him. “I hate packing, it’s boring and everyone always tells me I’m doing it wrong,”
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joeyalohadream · 3 months ago
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I wish you would write a fic where Bucky gets a call that Gale has been in an accident or something, goes to pick him up, Gale isn’t even badly hurt but Bucky still loses his mind and Gale ends up comforting him lol (if u can’t tell im a sucker for hurt gale and hurt/comfort in general lol) .
Also i saw u posting that u feel like u ramble/write too much and i just wanted to say, im so obsessed with ur writing that i eat up anything u write like if u were to post ur shopping list i would probably read it and love it so PLS ALWAYS WRITE TOO MUCH. Thank u for sharing w us ❤️‍🩹
Hi! So sorry this took me so long!
aaaand thank you so much, anon! Your kind words made me feel all warm and fuzzy! (p.s. my shopping list is cat food and wine LOL). I'm glad you enjoy my rambling!
Here is the fic I wrote for your request! 4,047 words of a bit of angst and fluff and some sweetness. Hope you like it!
If you'd rather read a word count like that on AO3, find it here!
It’s six o’clock and John is hungry.
His day had been a good one, but a long one. Flying right seat to several cadets on their second week of actual flying. Witnessing the joy, the reverence the young pilots had experienced behind the yolk had brought back memories of a time when flying had been his favorite thing in the world. Back before it was tainted by terror and death and dread.
It eases something within him to know that he can still find the beauty in it after years of growing to hate something that had once been the thing that made him feel alive.
But it’s Friday night now and his feet will be firmly on the ground for the weekend. A weekend that was supposed to start with a homecooked meal, lovingly prepared by Gale.
With Gale in school and John working full-time, they spend most of their week like passing ships. Evenings are typically a rushed affair of leftovers or a meet-up at the diner half way between the base and Gale’s campus.
Friday nights are John’s favorite though. Gale is out of class by three and home by four. He spends the two hour stretch of time between then and John’s arrival at six cooking the most delicious meals John has ever tasted. A skill he’d developed while trying, and mostly succeeding, in putting some meat back on to their bones after they came home.
But it’s six o’clock and there is no dinner waiting for him. The lights are all off and Gale’s truck is not in the driveway.
He walks through the house, turning on a lamp here, flipping a switch there and tries to temper the feeling of dread that starts prickling under his skin.
After everything they’d been through, it had taken them both a significant amount of time to quell the unrealistic expectation that something was wrong whenever they weren’t within sight of each other.
Neither of them had fully managed to overcome it. Gale calls his office at least twice a week from the payphone at school between classes just to say hello.
John pours himself a glass of water and takes a sip, leaning against the freshly painted cabinets. The soft green hue offers a peaceful warmth in the small kitchen. It had been their project last weekend.
Gale sometimes stays late after his lecture to help some of the younger students that struggle with the concepts. His genius.
But he doesn’t do that on Fridays because Friday nights are their nights.
So why isn’t he here?
He pushes off the counter and takes two steps to the icebox. Opening it reveals the steaks that Gale had prepped for tonight. He contemplates getting them out and trying his hand at making the meal but shuts the door and the thought down immediately.
Despite spending his time practically draped over Gale’s back, chin hooked over his shoulder on the Friday evenings he is home in time to watch him cook, John hadn’t managed to pick up the skill.
Instead of studying the technique, he studies Gale’s confident movements as he chops and tenderizes and slices and measures and stirs. Gale’s hands create nourishment for them while his own hands typically trace the soft skin a Gale’s still too flat belly, the delicate curve of his trim waist, sometimes drifting to skim his pert rear if Gale lets him get away with it.
The thoughts bring a smile to his face. But looking at the clock on the wall that tells him Gale is now over two hours late wipes it away.
He walks back to the front door and out onto the porch to stare down the long driveway that leads up to their home, willing headlights to turn onto it. But time ticks by and the sun is dipping lower on the horizon and Gale still isn’t where he’s supposed to be.
John knows the route Gale takes to and from campus. He’d driven him several times back before they’d acquired a second truck. He fingers the keys in his pocket, wondering how much Gale would rib him for driving the hour to his school when it turns out he just lost track of time.
But it’s Friday night and Gale doesn’t lose track of time, especially when time is leading to them spending their evening wrapped around each other.
John flinches as the silence of the evening is interrupted by the sound of their telephone ringing in the kitchen. Relief floods him a moment later and he slams the screen door open and takes long strides back into the house.
“You better have a good explanation for why I’m not eating a big, juicy steak right now,” he says into the receiver, a smile already pulling at his lips as he waits for Gale’s exasperated tone to filter back through to him.
But there’s silence for a beat and then a throat is cleared and then John’s heart starts to pound a little faster.
“Um, hello,” a voice that is distinctly not Gale comes through the connection. “Is this John Egan?”
“Yes,” John replies, switching the phone to his other hand, hoping it’s less wet. It’s not. “Who’s this?”
“I’m a nurse at Lakeside Memorial,” she supplies and John’s knees go weak. “I’m calling because your friend, Gale Cleven, was brought in about an hour ago. He was in an accident.”
Words won’t form, but some unintelligible noise escapes his mouth in response. For a moment, he’s not in their softly lit, freshly painted kitchen. He’s in a phone booth in London and it’s the worst moment of his life.
He went down swingin’.
The cord stretches its length as his legs decide to stop functioning and he slides down to the floor, back pressed against the green cabinet doors.
“Mr. Egan, are you still there?”
Is he? Or is he back on the bombed-out streets of a city he never should have gone to?
“I’m here,” he grinds out as he closes his eyes and reminds himself to breathe. Pictures Gale in front of him, one hand planted on his chest, the other cradling his cheek. Breathe, darlin’, he’d say. He’s said it to him countless times since they’d reunited back in the Stalag. He’s said it to him in their bedroom, in their yard, in this kitchen. He needs to know if he’ll ever hear him say it again. “Is he okay?”
“I can’t give out medical information over the phone,” the nurse tells him, and John tightens his grip on the phone, anger rising, but she continues before he can spew it over the line. “But Mr. Cleven asked me to call you himself.”
He takes a deep breath, the slightest bit of relief mixing with the dread coiling itself around his heart.
“You understand?” The nurse’s voice is back in his ear. She couldn’t tell him how he was, but she told him enough to let him know that he was well enough to be talking and that’s enough for him to know that Gale is still here. He nods and then remembers he’s alone.
“Yes, I understand,” he says. “Lakeside Memorial?”
“That’s correct,” she confirms, sounding patient. John imagines she makes these calls every day. He wouldn’t like that job. “Come in through the emergency room doors and we’ll get you sorted.”
“Thank you,” his voice wobbles a bit too much, but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed. There’s a click over the line that tells him she’s hung up, so he lets the phone drop and then presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and presses hard. He chokes on his next inhale and feels his shoulders shake.
But Gale needs him. He’s hurt and he wants John to come to him and he needs to get up off this floor, right now.
The room sways a bit as he gets to his feet, head feeling fuzzy. He thinks maybe he hasn’t been breathing correctly since the nurse’s voice came through the phone instead of Gale’s.
Breathe, darlin’.
In through his nose, out through his mouth. It helps a bit.
----
Physically, He slides into the driver’s seat of their new pick-up truck and starts the engine. That phone call left him with only questions and his hands sweat as they grip the leather of the steering wheel. His foot feels numb as he presses it to the gas in order to go find answers.
Mentally, he’s sliding into his seat on a train car that’s leading him to a destination with no answers to be had, no sweet smile or soft laughter or dazzling blue eyes waiting for him. No joy, only pain. No Gale. Because he went down swingin’.
The crushing sadness that had invaded every nerve in his system after he’d walked out of that phone booth all those years ago suddenly feels like it never went away. Like he could wake up and realize that this year of domestic bliss hadn’t happened. Like Gale wasn’t his and Gale wasn’t here, and Gale wasn’t anywhere. He shakes his head, as if he could physically knock the horrible images out of his mind.
Headlights shine through his windshield, streetlamps coming on along the road as the sun continues setting. He knows the way to the emergency room. It’s on the way to Gale’s campus. His body operates on auto pilot to get him there, his head is in the clouds or in the dirt or somewhere else entirely.
He needs Gale to be okay. It’s hard to breathe again.
Gale would be so angry at him for driving like this. Gale will be so angry with him for driving like this.
----
It takes him a moment to realize why every head in the room turns to him when he walks through the door. His hands shake as he straightens out his uniform jacket and runs fingers through his curls, realizing he forgot his cap. Not very officer-like to be out in public without the proper uniform.
To his surprise, it takes barely a word from him for a young orderly to lead him to Gale. No argument about how he’s not family, even though he is Gale’s only family. No odd looks about why it isn’t Gale’s wife or mother or father coming to see him.
He thinks his feet might be numb and he finds that odd, but they still put in the work and follow the man in scrubs to a row of curtained off exam rooms. Further relief crackles in his chest when he realizes they’re headed for one specific curtain. Gale isn’t in surgery or in a private room. He’s in the same kind of place John had sat a few months ago when he’d needed stiches on his thumb.
Maybe he’s okay.
Please be okay.
His heart rate increases as the orderly gestures him forward and then turns to leave. He takes a steadying breath, ducks around the fabric and is greeted with two sky-blue eyes and a sheepish looking smile directed his way.
“You’re here,” Gale breathes out, the sound of utter relief in his voice. John stares at him. He thinks the numbness in his feet might be creeping up into the rest of his body. “John?”
The small smile Gale had thrown him upon his arrival is wiped away as concern twists his features and John wants to laugh but all he can do is stare for some reason. He’s staring intently at the younger man, watches as his brows furrows and he shifts on the plastic wrapped table he’s sitting on.
“John,” Gale tries again, a wince pulling his features down for a moment. “You with me?”
The curtain draws open. The shrill sound of the metal rings grating against the pole makes John cringe and snap his gaze away from Gale to take in the sight of a white-haired nurse with a friendly smile, kind eyes and a clipboard in her hand.
“Is this the friend you mentioned?” She addresses Gale, walking over to where he’s sitting awkwardly hunched on the exam table. “The one you served with?”
John swallows and straightens his shoulders as the nurse’s eyes find his. He hears Gale clear his throat and mutter a quiet, “yes, ma’am.”
His hands are sweating where they hang uselessly at his sides. He can breathe easier than he managed to on the drive over, now that he has Gale in his sights, but his heartbeat is too fast, rabbiting away in chest like its being chased by a predator. His eyes flit from the nurse to Gale and back again and he knows he should speak, but his tongue feels heavy, and his mouth is dry, and he feels like maybe he should be the one sitting on the exam table.
“Nurse Amy,” Gale comes to his rescue. “This is John Egan. John, this is Nurse Amy. She’s the one that called you after making sure I was alright.”
Gale is looking at him with understanding and patience, concern and a little bit of what looks like desperation. His beautiful face is all bruised up, small cuts around his temple. Just like Regensburg. There’s blood on the collar of his shirt, not a lot, but it’s Gale’s and it’s not supposed to be on the outside of him, not ever again.
John’s breath hitches and Gale leans forward, eyes softening. “Which I am, John. I’m alright.”
He hears the nurse make a tutting sound, but he can’t take his eyes off Gale again. Ever again, maybe.
“X-rays came back, Mr. Cleven,” she says, all business. “You were correct in your self-assessment. No broken bones.” John watches as Gale nods as her, but his eyes immediately drift back to John. “But you do have a slight hairline fracture in your wrist, so we’ll need to wrap it.”
“Fine,” Gale clips out, polite but impatient. “Can you just give us a few minutes? Need to talk to my friend here about the truck.”
“I’ll be back in ten to wrap that wrist up for you, try to keep it still,” she agrees and then she’s gone and they’re alone.
“I don’t care about the damn truck,” John finally finds his voice, even if it sounds rough to his own ears.
“I know that,” Gale cocks his head a bit, his own voice sounds a little off now that John’s ears aren’t ringing as badly as before. “What’d you want me to tell her? Get out so I can have a moment alone with my fella?”
John wants to laugh; he loves it when Gale teases him. But a choking sound comes out instead and he shakes his head and just breathes. Gale starts to slide off the table and it makes John stumble forward, hands outstretched.
“Wait,” he says as he reaches Gale’s knees. He looks him over again, hating the evidence of any kind of violence on a man as sweet and gentle as Gale. “Just, stay there. Don’t move.”
“John, I’m fine,” Gale reaches out with his left hand, his right laying motionless across his lap. John’s eyes trace over the abraded skin and the already swollen looking joint. “Can you say the same?”
John pulls a face but can’t contradict the man sitting in front of him. He needs to pull himself together. Gale is here, he’s not blown to bits over Germany or lost behind enemy lines. But any kind of unknown right now is too much for John. He places a hand over one of Gale’s knees, lets his thumb start a back-and-forth motion, lets the repetitiveness of it soothe them both.
“You’re in the emergency room,” John points out. “People that are ‘fine’ don’t really get brought here.”
“Wasn’t my choice,” Gale grumbles, looking petulant and John kind of wants to shake him a bit. “You looked worse than me when you walked in here. Are you okay?”
“Tell me about all this?” He motions to Gale’s face, frowning and ignoring how Gale looks annoyed at him for brushing past his own question.
“Just got a bit banged up,” Gale tells him. John squeezes his knee and eases a bit at the eye roll it gets him. “Hit my head on the window when I hit the tree.”
“You hit a tree?”
“So that I wouldn’t hit the dog that ran out in front of me.”
And John wants to reprimand him. Wants to remind him that it’s a golden rule on the road not to swerve and cause more damage just to avoid an animal. But he also knows that the man in front of him would rather suffer these consequences than to ever take the life of someone’s pet. It’s one of the thousands of things he loves about him.
“Of course,” he returns, finally allowing a small smile to graze his own lips. It wobbles a bit at the look of relief it brings out in Gale’s eyes. “You’re really okay?”
“Mild concussion and a bruised jaw and you heard about the wrist. Everything else is superficial, I promise.” Gale tries to soothe, but all John can think of is how much worse this could have been. He closes his eyes, his breathing picks up a bit and then there’s a warm pressure on his chest and a matching one on his cheek.
“Breathe, darlin’,” Gale’s low voice whispers out between them and John shudders, letting his weight fall forward a bit against the strength behind Gale’s hand. “Just breathe. I’m right here. I’m okay.”
It takes him a few moments to grasp it, to accept it. Gale is hurt. But he’s okay. He’s going to be okay. The dueling sensations of relief and fear war inside of him to brew a nasty storm that leaves him feeling exhausted.
“This one really freaked you out, huh?” A thumb strokes over his cheek and John leans into the sensation. “I’m sorry, John.”
“God, baby,” John lets out on an exhale, opening his eyes and finding those beautiful blues looking right back at him. “I think I’m gonna have to homeschool you from now on. Can’t let you outta my sight.”
Soft huffs of laughter ripple from Gale and he looks up at him, amusement dancing across his face. “You an expert in advanced physics, Major?”
“You might just have to switch your major, Major.”
Gale grins at him and shakes his head and it feels so good to make him happy. It’s John’s favorite thing in the world.
“How about we settle for you driving me around again for a while? Just like old times,” Gale asks. “I might’ve totaled the truck.”
John nods an affirmative, ignoring the way the mention of their truck makes his pulse spike unpleasantly again. Gale removes his hand from his face, a grimace pulling at his brows as he lowers the injured limb back to lap.
“She told you to keep that still,” John chides, feeling foolish for not remembering sooner. “What am I gonna do with you, huh?”
Gale smiles up at him, a little innocent, a little playful.
“Whatever you want, John.”
This time the spike in his pulse is a pleasant one as he imagines all of the ways he can take of this man in the coming days.
“I’m holding you to that,” John tells him. It’s his turn now to reach out and cradle a bruised jaw, he frowns again at the bruising painted across the delicate skin and lets his thumb caress it for a moment. Gale’s eyes fall shut.
“It’s almost been ten minutes, Bucky.”
“I know, Buck.” He leans down and presses his lips to Gale’s forehead, lets them linger for a moment. Then another. Noses his blond hair and breathes him in. Overly bright blue eyes watch him step a respectable distance away to await Nurse Amy’s return.
He feels unsteady, but less like he might shake apart. Gale smiles at him from the table and he feels a little better.
----
Nearly an hour later, Gale’s wrist has been splinted and wrapped, he’s holding a bottle of painkillers that John knows he’ll have to fight to get him to take and he’s clumsily signed the abundance of paperwork with his left hand. It’s completely dark when they exit the emergency room, walking close enough together that their shoulders brush as they move.
A few steps from the truck, Gale stops in his tracks and John halts to match him, worry ratcheting back up.
“It’s Friday night,” Gale mutters, sounding a little frail. John pictures them savoring steaks and roasted vegetables and a pie after dinner and understands where his thoughts have strayed. After living in such a state of hypervigilance with stakes too high to contemplate for years of their lives, they now take the time to enjoy every slow moment of peace they can get together. Missing one feels monumental sometimes. John will just have to make this weekend one to remember.
“Hey,” John reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. “There’s always tomorrow and the next day. And every day after that.”
Gale gives him a small smile, nods and lets John usher him to the truck, waiting patiently for John to open the passenger door for him. He stops again, one leg in the truck and looks back at John, brows pulled down in a frown.
“Are you sure you’re good to drive?”
John can’t help but laugh. “What? Are you going to drive us home, Mr. Concussion?”
“It’s only a mild one,” Gale grumbles. John rolls his eyes and pushes Gale up and into his seat, shutting the door on him before he can protest.
When he gets himself behind the wheel, Gale’s hand covers his before he can put the key into the ignition.
“Buck,” John starts, but one look at the concern in Gale’s eyes stops him from complaining.
“Think maybe, you started panicking when that nurse called ya.” There’s understanding in Gale’s gaze and John swallows heavily, images of a phone booth blurring with their soft green cabinets. “And I don’t know if you’ve really stopped yet. I hate the thought of you driving over here like that.”
And John understands where he’s coming from. They both have their bad days. They’re growing less frequent all the time, but they’ve been a witness to nightmares, to bouts of sadness and rage and fear and panic. He hates to see Gale like that, and John knows the feeling is mutual. The thought of it happening while one of them is alone is a reality they have to live with.
“I had to, Buck,” John points out. He doesn’t bother denying the allegation. “The only way I was going to be okay was to make sure you were okay.”
Gale ducks his head slightly for a moment, still not used to being the most important person in anybody’s world. But John’s been slowly teaching him how to accept it and he can’t help but smile when tired blue eyes lift back up to meet his.
“Slide your sweet self over here and let me feel ya while I drive,” Johns lifts his arm and rests it along the back of the bench seat. “That’ll be enough to keep my head on straight while I get us home.”
A moment of contemplation later, Gale slides over until his shoulder is tucked under John’s armpit. He rests his uninjured hand on John’s thigh, fingers gripping the fabric of his trousers and John smiles into his hair before reaching around him to start the truck.
“Take the back roads?” Gale looks up at him through his lashes and John’s heart rate finally settles into a normal rhythm now that it’s reason for beating is resting against him.
“You read my mind, sweetheart,” John presses his lips to the top of his head and turns onto the unlit road leading away from town, away from prying eyes.
Gale turns his body slightly on the seat and makes himself comfortable, settles with his head pillowed on John’s chest, arm draped over his waist. John lets his arm rest around his back, holding him close and planning on never letting him go.
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erwinsvow · 6 months ago
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HIIII i've been lurking on ur blog and i totally caught that little "kook trio reader with jj??" tag.
i know we're here to talk about rafe but she's my favorite reader and i also love jj i am OBSESSED with that pairing do you have literally any further thoughts on it...
omg!!! im so glad you caught that yess 10000% i mean her and rafe are perf together but like her and jj have SOOOO much tension and its even better bc kelce, top, and rafe are her best friends so they absolutely despise jj and are constantly (even before she is interested in jj) telling her to stay away from that fuckin pogue !!
and shes just a regular ole spoiled girly so whatever someone tells her she cant have, she wants! they would 100% meet at some bonfire or pogue party that she snuck off to (the boys are playing cod so she bows out and lies saying shes staying at home) and goes w her girl friends!!! they totally push her to go flirt with jj and shes happy no ones being controlling for once so she does it! doesnt even realize this is the boy that her boys told her to stay away from until half way through. they hit it off right away but jj knows who her friends are so they sneak around for a while, which is fun but then shes ditching the kook trio left and right to "stay home" "hang with parents" "girls night" and eventually it gets so sus..
jj ofc has a whole big confrontation with them about it, it may or may not end in punches. she would totally cry when jj comes back with a busted lip, doesnt talk to her boys for days until they apologize!!! its kind of a romeo and juliet which sounds so so stupid but i bet they would break up for a bit because she doesnt want him to get hurt and he doesnt want to upend her life (her parents, friends, etc even tho she doesnt care)
they cant stay away from each other though.. when they get back together rafes all "m'gonna have a fuckin' talk with that pogue-" and readers like "his name is jj, and he's my boyfriend now. please behave."
she has to split her time 50/50 since they refuse to hang out together tho lol
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taeraeszn · 1 year ago
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hi!! i absolutely adore your blog, im always so happy when you post ☹️ it makes me smile sm 🫡 would you mind doing a zb1 when they’re jealous reaction ?? it’s okay if not though !!!
when zb1 are jealous
hi anon, tysm for requesting!! here is yet again another table turn reaction post with zb1 being jealous instead of the reader!! this was also quite fun to write <3
i am aware that other writers have written this exact scenario for zb1, these are all completely my ideas and thoughts. any similarities are purely coincidental.
btw these are pretty long my bad
warnings: mentions of food, jealousy?, lmk if there is any more!!!
kim jiwoong
when he sees your friend casually putting their hand on your shoulder and getting closer to you, it makes him freak out even more on the inside.
and seeing you not mind it one single bit also makes his brows furrow
for some backstory, you two had been out and stopped at a local diner when one of your old friends that you haven't seen in a long time recognized you and asked how you'd been. but this friend wouldn't bother talking to jiwoong, only giving you the full attention and asking you a bunch of questions, mostly about your whereabouts
you being the kind person you are began conversing with them and sharing everything that you have been up to, such as meeting jiwoong
even then, you noticed that your boyfriend's facial expression had become more sour as he was either looking around or glaring at your friend directly
jiwoong then reached a breaking point when it had been an hour of your friend being there, along with the fact that you had barely spoken to him, he got up from his seat causing you to divert your attention to jiwoong
"jiwoong, is everything okay?" you asked, he nodded but seemed upset from the look on his face.
"yeah i just got a call from our manager, i have to go." but you noticed that his home screen didn't have a kakaotalk notification, was he lying?
he said goodbye to your friend and walked away, you heard him sigh as he walked off
you then excused yourself, "just wait." then rushing to see your boyfriend walking to the sidewalk. your footsteps quickly catched up to him and you softly grabbed his wrist
"babe, please tell me honestly. did i do something?" you asked. he then turned to face you, obviously looking disappointed at what occurred.
"i was really excited to go on a date with you, but i didn't expect for you to ignore me completely." it was then that you realized that you fucked up
"i'm sorry jiwoong, please know that i love you. i would never purposely hurt your feelings. i have no feelings for that friend, it's all you."
"i know that, i just don't want to be ignored on our dates." 
you pulled him into your arms, "i'm sorry my love, please let me repay you. let's go somewhere else, hmm? just the two of us?"
it was then that you saw his smile (yk the one where he lowkey is smirking), "i would love that."
rest of the members are under the cut!
zhang hao
you and hao were both cuddling in bed, excited to devour the food you had just placed an order on
"ugh when is the food coming?!" hao exclaimed, pouting while stretching his legs. you giggled and just as you were about to reply to him, the front doorbell rang. hao sprung up but you offered to get it, he decided to stay in bed and continue watching the film without you
but a few minutes passed and hao was wondering why you weren't coming back to bed, as he slowly rises up from his position, he heard you laughing
"wow that feels just like yesterday! i was wondering where you went after graduation." you said to the delivery worker who happened to be an old classmate from school that you hadn't heard from in a while
"well i had to move to another city for a while but decided to come back here and now i deliver food to people!"
"i'm glad your doing well!" hao's curiosity got the best of him, he followed your voice and saw you conversing with your former classmate
"oh, hello." your classmate greeted hao, he did the same and casually wrapped his arm around your shoulder
"you've been talking for a while so i decided to come out and see what's happening." he grinned, you leaned into his touch
"hao this is (name), we were classmates in high school and i just got to catch up with them! it's crazy how fast time flies by!"
"right?" your friend replied, just then they looked at their phone, "i got another delivery to go do...hey (your name), text me, i gave you my number right?" you nodded, "for sure, see you!" they then left and you shut the door.
you then faced hao was seemed like the most happiest man alive. you crossed your arms, "you're happy that they left, aren't you?" he shrugged, "i have no clue what your talking about." he walked back to your room. 
"oh please, i saw the way you were glaring, we're just friends. nothing else. why would i want to be with anyone else that isn't you?" a smile tugged at hao's lips
"you mean that?" you nodded and kissed his cheek, "a hundred percent." 
sung hanbin
"and it's just a group project?" hanbin asked for the billion time, you nodded
for the last five minutes you had been standing by the front door with hanbin, you were supposed to be out the house by now but hanbin kept asking you that same question
"yes hanbin, it's just a group project. we're just going to work on it then i'm heading home." he still seemed unsure and crossed his arms
this all began when you informed hanbin that you were heading out to work on a group project with some university classmates, though he was unsure of how to feel about it
the main reason being that one of those members in your group had confessed to liking you and still having some feelings for you, though you still ensured hanbin about it, he had mixed feelings
one of his biggest fears was you leaving him for that friend if they tried to persuade you further about going out with them
"okay...i mean, i'm totally fine with you hanging out with classmates!" he randomly said, you raised your brow, "are you sure?"
it was then that his smile faded and he became a bit more serious
"maybe i am a little bit jealous...i know that one of your group mates have confessed to liking you and it makes me wonder if their going to try and ask you out."
you sighed, placing your bag down and wrapping your hands around hanbin
"i promise that nothing is going to happen. i know that they like me but i only have feelings for you and only you hanbin. ever since that day we met, i know who i want to be with and i choose you everyday."
you could finally see his cat whiskers form after he smiled at your words, "well that makes me feel much better."
you gently kissed him, "i'm heading out now okay?" he nodded, "have fun my love."
now hanbin was certain that nobody would steal you from him
when the door shut, he grinned, he knew you were all his and only his to love
seok matthew
(yeah i'm going to make you guys really unbearable in this one LMAO i'm sorry!!)
matthew was thrilled to hear that you landed a job with a great pay, location, and hours. he knew how much you wanted to get a full time job and now that you were working, he was more proud than ever
but as you began sharing stories about your workplace and the people there, he realized that you were often mentioning one specific co-worker
this co-worker was someone who had their office right next to yours and a person you found yourself conversing with often due to your similar interests
at first he didn't seem too bothered by it as he thought that you were just getting to know them, but it later came to the point where you were bringing them up a lot at home and outside such as dates
for instance, when you were out shopping, sometimes you'd bring out the "oh (co-worker's name) likes this drink a lot!" or "i bet (co-workers name) would love this!" 
that's when matthew reached a breaking point and decided to have a chat with you about it
"(name), i understand that your getting along with your new co-worker but i'm seeing that your continuously bringing them up in every conversation. i don't have a problem with your friendships but i can't help but feel a bit..." he looked away, "jealous."
you understood and realized that it must've made matthew feel uneasy and were now regretting continuously speaking about them
"matt i'm sorry for making you feel that way, please know that it was never my intention." you said sincerely, he could only look down
"i'm not mad that your close with them, i just want you to think of how i feel when you constantly keep bringing them up." 
"i completely understand matthew. their just a coworker and that's all. i'll stop bringing them up constantly. i'm really sorry for that, what can i do to make it up to you?" 
he smirked, "i just want a day of us together, no mentions of anybody, just us as a couple. after all, your work has stolen hours that we could've been together."
you giggled and rested your head on his shoulder, "what about that new restaurant that opened nearby?" you suggested
he pecked your forehead, "i would love that."
kim taerae
you were watching one of your favourite groups perform on tv with your lightstick in hand, shouting their names for the fanchat
it had been a while since they had came back but their comeback was definitely worth the wait as the song had been on repeat everyday since it's release
taerae finally returned from practice and the first thing he saw was you screaming at your tv
"please not them, please not them." he repeated in a mantra. as he got closer to the tv, that's when he saw that group performing
he had been hearing this song all day whenever he returned home and he had already memorized the lyrics thanks to you putting it on loop
but to be fair the group performing had great stage presence and even taerae couldn't help but get sucked into their watching their performance 
"oh babe your back home?" you said, snapping him out of his focus
"yeah we just wrapped up practice. what are you doing?"
you giggled, "oh, you know that group i really like? they just had a comeback and i'm SO in love with their new song! they just performed on inkigayo!"
taerae knew about your obsession with this group, but he knew that you loved zb1 equally as much as them, you had just been into this one group longer since zb1 had just recently debuted
he then nervously glanced at you, "well babe...have you been listening to our debut? y'know in bloom is a really good song." 
seeing taerae like this was a bit cute, you knew he had mixed feelings over you saving this groups photos, watching their lives, and consuming ever content of theirs
and seeing how this group had a comeback, he knew you'd fall back into this habit and make him even more jealous
"kim taerae, don't tell me your jealous." you joked, his dimples showed as he looked away, clearly smiling in defeat
"okay yeah yeah i am." you got up and cupped his cheeks
"you know that you're the only person i love romantically taerae. they don't stand a chance against you." 
"thank you my love, i love you."
just then the performance wrapped up and now another group began performing, taerae looked at the screen and back at you, "well i guess it's me time now right?" he giggled
"yup, you have me all to yourself." you reassured
shen ricky
you and ricky were on a date at a fancy restaurant to celebrate your anniversary, ricky went all out by making sure the place had great reviews, good service and delicious food
you were enjoying it as well, devouring in the delicious food quickly not wanting to waste any more time
but just then, a server came over to get your check. ricky being the tall and handsome guy he is, handed the server his card without hesitation
“babe you don’t have to, here i’ll pay.” you offered, pulling out your card as well. ricky chuckled, “babe it’s ok, tonight is all for you.”
your cheeks began heating up at his words but then the server spoke up
“excuse me?” you looked up, “yes?”
“i just wanted to say that you look absolutely breathtaking.” your eyes widened at the server’s kind words
“oh my...thank you.” ricky smiled as well, “they're not wrong.”
“oh you stop it!” you exclaimed, “but seriously, thank you for your kind words.” 
the server shook their head, “it’s nothing. i couldn’t help but stare at you from afar. you really catched my eye.”
despite you enjoying the continuous compliments, ricky couldn’t help but feel some type of way about them, especially seeing how the server completely ignored his presence
as the night wore on, the server continuously approached you to say things to you. ricky noticed how you were living for the praises but was a bit frustrated at the server ruining your alone time with him 
(also because he was jealous that someone else’s words could swoon you)
at the end of the date, you were driving home and ricky couldn’t help but sigh in the car
you noticed his sour expression as well, “babe is everything okay?” 
he shrugged, “i don’t know, maybe you should go talk to that server since you were giggling at their compliments.”
you then put the pieces together, ricky was jealous, and you loved it. it was a rare sight to see ricky jealous but you were living for it
“ricky…that server isn’t my partner. you are. even if someone does flatter me, you are the one who makes my heart beat the most. you are the one who i’m with.”
you could see a smile begin to form on his lips, “really?”
“for sure.” he then softly held your hand while his other was on the steering wheel
“looks like i’ll need to find a new restaurant next time.”
“ricky!”
kim gyuvin
one thing you absolutely loved was pranking your boyfriend since gyuvin gave the best reactions to almost everything
you saw the tiktok trend of where people call their partners by different name and so you decided to prank him with that exact idea
the setting was perfect! gyuvin was at your house and you two were home alone. you were now waiting for the right moment to strike
he was on his phone, seeming unbothered and scrolling through twitter. it was now time! you positioned yourself up properly to begin the shenanigans
you got your phone out and opened tiktok to go to your likes, “gyumin! look at this video!” you shoved your phone in his face
it was then that gyuvin-or gyumin paused and looked straight at you with a blank expression
“what?” his eyes looking completely puzzled
“look at this video, it’s so funny!” he then pushed your phone away lightly, eyes daggering at you
“who’s gyumin?” he said. you pretend to act laid back
“oh sorry? did i say something else?” now his mouth was wide open with his eyes popping out, you almost burst out laughing but concealed your laugh
“uh, yeah! Who’s gyumin?!” he exclaimed, “are you close with someone else named gyumin? since when did you know someone named gyumin? give me their number, i want to have a talk with them.” he suddenly said in one breath.
“calm down! It was just a mistake.” gyuvin still seemed unsure, his brows furrowed
“y’know, i should be the only gyu that you know.” he pouted
you cupped his cheeks, “gyu it was just a prank. obviously i don’t know anyone named gyumin!”
his facial expression suddenly changed as he began laughing and pulled you into his arms
“how dare you!” he yelled, then kissing you gently on the forehead
you giggled, “what was that for?”
“just to remind you that i love you.” he murmured, “i love you too, gyumin.” you blurted out
“HEY!”
park gunwook
“noooooo!” your boyfriend yelled, refusing to let go of you. You sighed while playfully rolling your eyes 
“gunwook, i have to go.” you said for the thousandth time
“why don’t you just get tutoring from me?” he suggested. 
“are you sure about that? You struggled on conjugating ‘to eat’”. you then attempted to grab your bag that was lying on the floor
“hey! that was a one time thing.” he whined, “and anyways, I’m not letting you leave.”
to put it short, gunwook was jealous of your new tutor as they were incredibly attractive
gunwook also knew them personally and the last thing he wanted was for you to fall for them
he didn’t want you to leave and tried everything to prevent you from leaving, but in the end, he knew you would have to leave for the lessons
“gunwook, i promise that nothing will happen between us. they're just teaching me japanese, that’s it!” his facial expression thought otherwise
“yeah sure and then what happens? maybe they’ll confess!” you sighed
“do you actually not want me to go?” gunwook then freed you from his arms and seemed more relaxed than before
“i don’t know, it’s just…i liked you for so long before confessing and i don’t want to think of someone else taking you away from me.”
you giggled, “yeah i remember when you chased after me for months so that we could become close."
gunwook’s hand gently held yours, the silence was calming as it showed your love with your boyfriend
“i’m sorry i overreacted, if you want to go for your lesson now then i won’t stop you.”
you smiled, “it’s okay gunwook, i’ll be sure to show you everything i learned!”
you finally saw his grin return, “okay, have fun!” he waved
It was then that you could finally grab your bag and say goodbye to your boyfriend, then leaving the house to head to your tutor’s place
han yujin
in class you were sitting at your desk that was situated at the corner of the class, just scrolling on your phone out of boredom
you had a small break in between your classes and yujin had just left the class
as you looked up from your screen, you saw your classmate minseo standing in front of you
“hi (name)!” they greeted. minseo was the class president and someone who was very well liked among your classmates
“hi!” you put your phone away to give your full attention to him
“i was wondering if you wanted to head to the convenience store nearby at lunch since all my friends are gone today.” you knew minseo was someone who liked having someone tag along with them rather than being alone, and you two had recently began getting close with one another
“sure why not?” you grinned. just then yujin walked in with his earphones in, he noticed you and minseo having a conversation and slowly took them out to hear your conversation clearer
“great! want to meet up at the front door when the bell rings?” they suggested, “sounds good!”
“thanks (name), i really appreciate it.” you waved goodbye and minseo returned back to their desk at the front
yujin approached you, “what did minseo say to you?”
you shrugged, “they asked if i wanted to hang out with them at lunch since their friends are all absent today.”
knowing how nice you were to nearly everyone, yujin assumed that you said yes to minseo’s offer, but deep inside he was wishing you’d hang out with him at lunch instead
“oh…so did you say yes?” you nodded
“oh, okay..” he walked back to his desk but you noticed that yujin grew much quieter afterwards, not speaking much to his peers and only when the teacher called on him
when the bell for lunch rang, everyone rushed out and you were the last to leave. but as you were about to head for the staircase, you felt someone softly grip your wrist
you turned to see yujin, “are you actually going with minseo?” you nodded, “yeah, i’ll see you later okay?”
“wait!” he exclaimed, “can we spend time today after school? I want to also hang out with you.” he shyly looked down
you chuckled, “don’t tell me you're jealous han yujin.” he looked up, “how did you know?”
“it’s quite obvious since you kept glaring at minseo the entire class, and now your saying you want to hang out this afternoon when you usually head to the academy.”
he looked away in embarrassment, “okay you got me.” he then softly held your hand, “have fun okay?” 
“i will, and i’ll see you after school.” you waved goodbye and went your different ways
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